Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: GSNW on January 31, 2013, 12:10:13 PM

Title: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: GSNW on January 31, 2013, 12:10:13 PM
My basic question here is, was my friend rude?  Was there another way for her to put this?

My friend (Lara) and her fiancee live in between their work/school locations, so it's an hour commute for them both.  Luckily, when their lease is up in June, they will be able to move to the city where her workplace is located.  In their search for housing, they had a friend offer up her place for rent (she is taking a one-year sabbatical overseas).  The house is amazing - the pool was apparently featured in some magazine, major yard, luxe touches and additions, all the bells and whistles.  It's also in my friend's price range, bonus!  Of course she is happily sharing this news.  She called me yesterday and relayed to me/paraphrased this IM exchange with another friend of hers (Mel).

Lara:  We have decided to rent the house for a year.  It's XYZ, pool, hot tub, isolated, etc...
Mel:  Boyfriend and I are coming to city where house is located in March.  We'd love to visit!
Lara:  I'm not moving until June.
Mel:  This vacation in March is for our anniversary, I think Boyfriend is going to propose.  It would be so special if it happened at the house of our dear friends.
Lara:  But I don't get the house until June.
Mel:  I really wish you understood how important this is to us.  You should talk to the owner and try to move earlier.
Lara:  Mel, Fiancee doesn't finish school until May.  I'm not clear on why you don't understand that we won't be living in the house in March.

At this point, Mel logged off.  She called a few hours later and left Lara a very nasty voicemail, stating that Lara was rude and inconsiderate, and didn't have to be so snide in saying no to Mel's request.  Lara is completely baffled, and as a people-pleaser type, wondering what she could have done to make this turn out differently.  Without question the answer was no, I certainly don't think Lara was snide... I had the same question, and in my impatience probably wouldn't have asked it as nicely.  WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE DATE OF THIS MOVE?

Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Nikko-chan on January 31, 2013, 12:13:46 PM
I don't think your friend was rude. All she did was state fact. "Mel we aren't going to be living in the house until June." Mel didn't want to hear it and instead threw a hissy fit. Your friend is in the clear GSNW, and she was way politer than some folks would have been, so kudos to her for that.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: QueenfaninCA on January 31, 2013, 12:14:55 PM
Lara is totally fine. And I don't get the special meaning if the guy proposed at a friends house. This isn't really friend's house, this is a place where they will be living for a year. So I have no idea why that would even have special meaning.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: BeagleMommy on January 31, 2013, 12:15:27 PM
Wow, talk about not listening.  Lara was not rude.  Mel was so focused on being able to stay in this fabulous place that she paid no attention to the fact that Lara wouldn't be in the house at the time.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Amara on January 31, 2013, 12:15:33 PM
Rude doesn't even enter into the equation unless you are talking about Mel. (Some friend. Personally, I'd get rid of her.) The good thing is that Lara now knows not to ever tell Mel anything ever again, and to never, ever, never invite her over to visit for any length of time or any reason.

Good grief.  ::)



Edited to clarify I am talking about Mel.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: cicero on January 31, 2013, 12:17:33 PM
wow. mel was beyond rude. lara was fine.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: DottyG on January 31, 2013, 12:18:20 PM
Agree with the others about Mel's rudeness in not comprehending the problem with the dates.

However, I'd even back it up and say that the rudeness began here:

Quote
Boyfriend and I are coming to city where house is located in March.  We'd love to visit!

She invited herself and her boyfriend to come stay with the Lara on her own?  That wasn't right.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Judah on January 31, 2013, 12:18:37 PM
Let's see, it's not my house, it's not your house, but you're a huge meanie because you won't let me stay in the fabulous house that's not yours. Mel, is all kinds of special isn't she?  ::)
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: auntmeegs on January 31, 2013, 01:10:00 PM
Let's see, it's not my house, it's not your house, but you're a huge meanie because you won't let me stay in the fabulous house that's not yours. Mel, is all kinds of special isn't she?  ::)

Exactly!  Why couldn't Lara have offered to rent another house after finding out how important this is?   :o ::)
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: strawbabies on January 31, 2013, 01:14:07 PM
What's next?  Mel trying to contact the actual owner of the house after Lara has moved out and expecting them (a stranger) to let her and her husband/fiance stay there because it's where he proposed and, "It's our anniversary!"  I wouldn't put it past her if she expected the homeowner to move out and let Lara have the place 3 months early.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: weeblewobble on January 31, 2013, 01:17:20 PM
Yes, how dare Lara not accommodate this "friend's" attempts to invite herself to stay with her?  Lara did fine. Mel is the center of her own universe and Lara would do well to fall out of her orbit.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Tabby Uprising on January 31, 2013, 01:31:06 PM
I like how Mel complains "You just don't know how important this is to us" before she (I presume) has even told her boyfriend about the situation.  She's assuming he's going to propose, wants to propose in a luxurious house of Mel's choosing, and assuming this is all very important to him - at least as soon as he finds out!
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: jedikaiti on January 31, 2013, 01:37:42 PM
Anyone starting to feel sorry for the poor BF who not only has a GF who thinks she's the center of the universe, but (if she's right) is about to end up spending months dealing with a total Bridezillastein?
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: QueenofAllThings on January 31, 2013, 01:39:49 PM
You would think that after all this time on this forum it would be impossible to astonish me.

You would think wrong. Mel is a very special snowflake, and I can't wait to hear the stories when she graduates to Bridezilla. 
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Tabby Uprising on January 31, 2013, 01:43:19 PM
And she does not care one bit about the proposal happening in a "house of dear friends".  She wants him to propose in the uber cool with a pool house!  There are many ways to be surrounded by friends during a proposal that don't hinge on being at the House of Awesome.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: LeveeWoman on January 31, 2013, 01:47:36 PM
What's that word around here, whackaloon?

Mel is a whackaloon.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: weeblewobble on January 31, 2013, 01:54:17 PM
And she does not care one bit about the proposal happening in a "house of dear friends".  She wants him to propose in the uber cool with a pool house!  There are many ways to be surrounded by friends during a proposal that don't hinge on being at the House of Awesome.

I keep thinking of The Bachelor.  She wants a prefab proposal at a really nice house that she nor her friends own. If I was the BF, I wouldn't appreciate her machinations.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on January 31, 2013, 01:56:04 PM
There are some people who seem to believe that if they say something often enough and loudly enough, it will become true.  Sometimes I wonder if it ever works for them.  You wouldn't think so, but if not, why do they keep doing it?
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: LeveeWoman on January 31, 2013, 02:01:16 PM
There are some people who seem to believe that if they say something often enough and loudly enough, it will become true.  Sometimes I wonder if it ever works for them.  You wouldn't think so, but if not, why do they keep doing it?

Because it worked for them when they were children?
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Winterlight on January 31, 2013, 02:11:38 PM
Let's see, it's not my house, it's not your house, but you're a huge meanie because you won't let me stay in the fabulous house that's not yours. Mel, is all kinds of special isn't she?  ::)

Exactly!  Why couldn't Lara have offered to rent another house after finding out how important this is?   :o ::)

Why couldn't Lara buy the house and give it to Mel as an early wedding present?

/eyeroll
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: doodlemor on January 31, 2013, 02:50:06 PM
I think that Mel also wants a free vacation in luxurious surroundings. 

Lara should beware.  Mel will probably contact her again about coming to the house after Lara and bf are actually living there. 

I suspect that this is not the end of the story.  Lara the "people pleaser" needs a spine implant ASAP.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Amava on January 31, 2013, 03:25:47 PM
Anyone starting to feel sorry for the poor BF who not only has a GF who thinks she's the center of the universe, but (if she's right) is about to end up spending months dealing with a total Bridezillastein?

Not me. His choice, his problem.

Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: msulinski on January 31, 2013, 03:29:02 PM
Mel:  I really wish you understood how important this is to us.  You should talk to the owner and try to move earlier.

The above line indicates that Mel is paying attention and completely understands the issue with the dates. She just doesn't care, and wants Lara to rearrange her life.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Cz. Burrito on January 31, 2013, 03:57:26 PM
And she does not care one bit about the proposal happening in a "house of dear friends".  She wants him to propose in the uber cool with a pool house!  There are many ways to be surrounded by friends during a proposal that don't hinge on being at the House of Awesome.

I keep thinking of The Bachelor.  She wants a prefab proposal at a really nice house that she nor her friends own. If I was the BF, I wouldn't appreciate her machinations.

I would have been so tempted to call her bluff.  "Oh, well if it would mean that much to you for this special occasion to happen in a friend's home, you're more than welcome to visit us in our [boring/cramped/regular] abode in March so that your boyfriend can propose!"
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Redneck Gravy on January 31, 2013, 04:04:35 PM
CRUD MONKEYS!, is Mel my special snowflake sister?

Mel does get it - that's why she followed up with a phone call.  Lara is the one who doesn't get it, Mel is a very, very, special snowflake and Lara should make EVERY effort to please her.   Red flag to the BF - Bridezilla warning.

Lara should grow a spine she is going to need one if she stays friends with Mel.

Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: LeveeWoman on January 31, 2013, 04:17:02 PM
Lara needs a spine. (Heck, everyone needs a spine.) But I don't know if I'd want to remain friends with this whackaloon.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Hmmmmm on January 31, 2013, 04:27:41 PM
And she does not care one bit about the proposal happening in a "house of dear friends".  She wants him to propose in the uber cool with a pool house!  There are many ways to be surrounded by friends during a proposal that don't hinge on being at the House of Awesome.

I keep thinking of The Bachelor.  She wants a prefab proposal at a really nice house that she nor her friends own. If I was the BF, I wouldn't appreciate her machinations.
Exactly what I thought about the bolded.

But then I kept waiting for the punch line for Mel to follow up with "no, I mean March 2014, not in two months, silly" and wondering why this wasn't being posted in the Brain Hurt thread. 

I think Lara needs to call Mel up and say they plan to be visiting her local next week and ask where she is currently living and then explain it's not nice enough for how Lara envisioned and Mel needs to move some place nicer. Preferably one that has both a view of the Atlantic ocean, the Grand Canyon, and Mount Rushmore.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: VorFemme on January 31, 2013, 05:59:34 PM
And she does not care one bit about the proposal happening in a "house of dear friends".  She wants him to propose in the uber cool with a pool house!  There are many ways to be surrounded by friends during a proposal that don't hinge on being at the House of Awesome.

I keep thinking of The Bachelor.  She wants a prefab proposal at a really nice house that she nor her friends own. If I was the BF, I wouldn't appreciate her machinations.
Exactly what I thought about the bolded.

But then I kept waiting for the punch line for Mel to follow up with "no, I mean March 2014, not in two months, silly" and wondering why this wasn't being posted in the Brain Hurt thread. 

I think Lara needs to call Mel up and say they plan to be visiting her local next week and ask where she is currently living and then explain it's not nice enough for how Lara envisioned and Mel needs to move some place nicer. Preferably one that has both a view of the Atlantic ocean, the Grand Canyon, and Mount Rushmore.

In Key West near the mountains......sheesh......
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Emmy on January 31, 2013, 08:48:27 PM
And she does not care one bit about the proposal happening in a "house of dear friends".  She wants him to propose in the uber cool with a pool house!  There are many ways to be surrounded by friends during a proposal that don't hinge on being at the House of Awesome.

I keep thinking of The Bachelor.  She wants a prefab proposal at a really nice house that she nor her friends own. If I was the BF, I wouldn't appreciate her machinations.
I agree.  If a proposal in the house of dear friends was so important to her, why doesn't she visit Lara's current place in March and get engaged there?

I'm just flabbergasted that somebody would demand that a friend lease a house 4 months earlier than planned to accommodate her dream proposal.   First of all, that may not even be possible due to other residents in the house.  Secondly, expecting people to change their living accommodations to suit you is the ultimate SS.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Jocelyn on January 31, 2013, 09:38:51 PM
I am reminded of the thread where a bride had to 'evict' another bridal party which was blocking her wedding by posing for pictures. No, they hadn't been married at the site, they just thought it would make for a pretty backdrop for their wedding pictures.
I think Mel is just thinking about what pretty engagement pictures she could have, posed by the lovely pool.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Winterlight on February 01, 2013, 11:15:59 AM
Not to mention holding her engagement party there. Or one of them.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: TheaterDiva1 on February 01, 2013, 11:33:50 AM
Wow - Mel's gonna feel pretty silly if, after all this, her boyfriend doesn't even propose!  >:D
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: mstigerlily on February 01, 2013, 11:59:37 AM
Maybe it's Evil TL speaking but I want to encourage Mel to come visit the house in March. And remind the homeowner to turn on the security system....

Wouldn't matching his-and-hers trespassing charges make a great engagement present?  >:D
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: GSNW on February 01, 2013, 04:41:45 PM
So Lara has been reading the forum as a guest (I sent her the link to this post) and feels better that her reaction/way of saying "no" didn't deserve Mel's temper tantrum.  Mel has called a few more times with no voicemails, Lara is ignoring her for now.  I encouraged her to ignore her for the foreseeable future.  I'll let y'all know if anything else etiquette-ly interesting happens.
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: strawbabies on February 01, 2013, 10:36:39 PM
I encouraged her to ignore her for the foreseeable future. 
I think Mel deserves to be ignored for all eternity, actually. 
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Sophia on February 01, 2013, 10:58:33 PM
Since you said that your friend was a "people pleaser", I suspect this was the very very first time your friend said No without changing it to a Yes. 

I think Mel's reaction was really "How dare she say no to me!"
Title: Re: Unbelievable! People who don't get it...
Post by: Amava on February 02, 2013, 01:46:17 AM
Wow - Mel's gonna feel pretty silly if, after all this, her boyfriend doesn't even propose!  >:D

Well, that might turn out to take some spine on his behalf, because by the sounds of it she is someone who will command him exactly how, where, when and with what ring to propose.