Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: snowdragon on February 03, 2013, 04:33:32 PM

Title: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: snowdragon on February 03, 2013, 04:33:32 PM
 I went swimming at the Y today and ran into a situation that I did not know how to handle. I was in the Hot Tub watching the swimmers to see if I could get for a water walking work out when  one of the young men ( 18-21 range)  got out of the water and pulled up his trunks and "popped out" if you get my drift. He started walking toward the hot tub and apparently didn't notice the issue.
    One of the guards noticed and whispered something to him, but it made me wonder what is the way to handle something like this if it ( Go-d forbid) happens again. How would this be addressed and cause the least amount of embarrassment?
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Betelnut on February 03, 2013, 04:42:46 PM
"Sir, your penis is showing."
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: mstigerlily on February 03, 2013, 05:04:50 PM
I just saw this on Friends and liked it:
(by Gunther) Sir, this is a family [restaurant, etc]. Put the mouse back in the house.

Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: nuit93 on February 03, 2013, 05:10:33 PM
"Your junk fell out of your trunks."
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: LeveeWoman on February 03, 2013, 05:16:54 PM
I am rolling on the floor, guys!
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: GSNW on February 03, 2013, 05:20:53 PM
Good grief.  "Excuse me, your trunks have been pulled asunder."  I don't know, but the friends quote cracked me up.  How awkward.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: DottyG on February 03, 2013, 05:23:36 PM
These are all funny responses. And I'm laughing with you. But what would you really say in this instance? A stranger who's having an issue like this?

It's kind of along the same lines as a male who notices a "stain" on a female (that he doesn't know) skirt or pants?

Opposite gender and something really personal - what's the best way to approach it?

Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Bijou on February 03, 2013, 05:25:26 PM
I would just look away and hope he doesn't get into the hot tub with me.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: SiotehCat on February 03, 2013, 05:27:06 PM
If I were close enough to him, I would have tossed my towel/rag in that general area to at least cover it up. That would give me a little time to get closer and quietly tell him to fix himself.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 03, 2013, 05:29:52 PM
If I was the only one in the hot tub, I think I'd wait until he was settled under the water and then say something (quietly) along the lines of checking the fit of his swim trunks.  And then I'd make my exit to either go do my workout or head home.

If there were other people there, especially someone more in his peer group, I think I'd wait and hope that one of them would say something.

I can just imagine one of my nephews, in a loud voice, 'Dude, the stallion's on the loose.'
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: JenJay on February 03, 2013, 05:31:19 PM
"You've released the hound!"
No?  ;D

In all honesty I think I'd be too embarrassed to say anything.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Valentines Mommy on February 03, 2013, 05:36:20 PM
Sir, I don't think you meant to free willy. >:D

Too much?

I have to admit that would be ackward.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Tea Drinker on February 03, 2013, 06:43:29 PM
These are all funny responses. And I'm laughing with you. But what would you really say in this instance? A stranger who's having an issue like this?

It's kind of along the same lines as a male who notices a "stain" on a female (that he doesn't know) skirt or pants?

Opposite gender and something really personal - what's the best way to approach it?

I don't think it's equivalent: a stain on my pants might be embarrassing, but it's not sexual (for me or the hypothetical viewer). This isn't about hoping that what you're seeing on someone's skirt is brown paint or some kind of sauce, rather than anything more personal: it's the actual part of this guy's body.

Given the choice, I would much rather be warned discreetly by a stranger (of any gender) that I had accidentally exposed a nipple (or my private parts), so I could re-cover it, than be spoken to by a police officer, told to leave the pool area by a lifeguard, or yelled at by someone who was upset that her children might see.

I think I would say something quietly, maybe "your fly is open" rather than something cute (even if I thought of a cute phrasing quickly) and then turn/walk away, to minimize his embarrassment.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: doodlemor on February 03, 2013, 06:49:04 PM
"Sir, please don't be embarrassed that I am telling you this....... you need to adjust your swimming trunks."



Probably it wouldn't be ehell approved to smile and say "Mazel tof!" after he adjusted his trunks.  Phoebe said this on Friends after catching a glimpse of Chandler.

Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: KenveeB on February 03, 2013, 06:53:51 PM
I'd be a lot more embarrassed by some big production or cutesy phrase. What's wrong with a quiet, "You need to check your swimsuit"?
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Valentines Mommy on February 03, 2013, 06:59:42 PM
In all seriousness, a quiet word with the gentleman would probably be best. It would be embarrassing no matter how he was told. Best to keep it low key.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: TootsNYC on February 03, 2013, 07:03:45 PM
I'd be a lot more embarrassed by some big production or cutesy phrase. What's wrong with a quiet, "You need to check your swimsuit"?

Yep.

Look him in the *eyes* and say, "you should check your swimsuit."
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Just Lori on February 03, 2013, 07:58:36 PM
I think I'd grab the nearest guy and ask him to convey a message to the unintentional flasher.  Barring that, I'd probably walk by and say, "Check your shorts" as unobtrusively as possible.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Slartibartfast on February 03, 2013, 08:08:49 PM
You assume it's unintentional - there are guys who get off on flashing strangers, especially women.  I won't hazard a guess about what percentage of indecent exposure is intentional and how much is accidental, but I'm guessing the chances are decently even.  Since I have absolutely no interest in actually approaching a guy who is getting his rocks off by including me in his fantasies without my approval, I would either ignore it or tell an appropriate authority (if it looks like the guy will be around that area for a while and I can't just leave).
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Amava on February 03, 2013, 08:24:48 PM
Just politely and quietly tell him he may want to adjust his clothing.

It's a penis. It's not the end of the world.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Tabby Uprising on February 03, 2013, 08:28:57 PM
Just politely and quietly tell him he may want to adjust his clothing.

It's a penis. It's not the end of the world.

I like this phrasing as well as KenveeB's.  You need to check/adjust your swimsuit.   

Plus - tee hee. You are all hilarious! ;D
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: DottyG on February 03, 2013, 08:50:16 PM
Tea Drinker, maybe not quite the same. But I am interested in finding out what people would do for real. Maybe some people here would do a funny statement. But I wouldn't. It's not something that I'd be able to do. So I'm curious what the options are.

My point with my example was that it's something of a personal nature (and I'll grant you that maybe a nipple's showing is a better example) applying to a stranger. And wondering what the etiquettely-approved solution is.


ETA: And while the below may be true, I'd still be too embarrassed to say some kinds of things in this situation.


Quote
It's a penis. It's not the end of the world.


Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: sweetonsno on February 03, 2013, 08:54:10 PM
Yikes. Definitely alert him if nobody else has. I once walked halfway around the pool with one side of my bikini top misplaced and flashed at least fifty people in doing so. I really wish one of the first ones had let me know.

Anyway, my MO for wardrobe malfunctions is to make direct eye contact, then glance at the area that needs adjustment. I might also discreetly be a "mirror" and show them what needs attention. However, in this particular instance, I'd probably flag down a nearby male to clue him in.

The phrasing from PPs (*snort*) made me crack up, but I agree that it might be less funny to be on the receiving end.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Amava on February 03, 2013, 10:57:13 PM
Tea Drinker, maybe not quite the same. But I am interested in finding out what people would do for real. Maybe some people here would do a funny statement. But I wouldn't. It's not something that I'd be able to do. So I'm curious what the options are.

My point with my example was that it's something of a personal nature (and I'll grant you that maybe a nipple's showing is a better example) applying to a stranger. And wondering what the etiquettely-approved solution is.


ETA: And while the below may be true, I'd still be too embarrassed to say some kinds of things in this situation.


Quote
It's a penis. It's not the end of the world.

I can only speak for myself but I would certainly not make it into a joke or a witty statement. I would just politely and quietly tell him that his clothes weren't sitting right. Just like I would want to be treated if I were in his situation.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Mental Magpie on February 03, 2013, 10:58:05 PM
"Your weeble is wobblin'!" >:D

Honestly, I'd look the guy in the eyes, raise my eyebrows, and say as discreetly as I could, "You may want to check your trunks..."
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: demarco on February 03, 2013, 11:04:33 PM
You assume it's unintentional - there are guys who get off on flashing strangers, especially women.  I won't hazard a guess about what percentage of indecent exposure is intentional and how much is accidental, but I'm guessing the chances are decently even.  Since I have absolutely no interest in actually approaching a guy who is getting his rocks off by including me in his fantasies without my approval, I would either ignore it or tell an appropriate authority (if it looks like the guy will be around that area for a while and I can't just leave).

This is exactly what I was thinking. There is no way I would say anything to this guy.  I would probably alert a staff member and leave the area. 

Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Miss Unleaded on February 04, 2013, 12:07:12 AM
You assume it's unintentional - there are guys who get off on flashing strangers, especially women.  I won't hazard a guess about what percentage of indecent exposure is intentional and how much is accidental, but I'm guessing the chances are decently even.  Since I have absolutely no interest in actually approaching a guy who is getting his rocks off by including me in his fantasies without my approval, I would either ignore it or tell an appropriate authority (if it looks like the guy will be around that area for a while and I can't just leave).

This is exactly what I was thinking. There is no way I would say anything to this guy.  I would probably alert a staff member and leave the area.

Same.  I've had this happen to me, and I was running over in my mind the various ways to tell the guy to check his clothing when I realised there was no way it could have been accidental. 

I'd vote for going to male staff and asking them to handle it.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: cicero on February 04, 2013, 05:17:41 AM
You assume it's unintentional - there are guys who get off on flashing strangers, especially women.  I won't hazard a guess about what percentage of indecent exposure is intentional and how much is accidental, but I'm guessing the chances are decently even.  Since I have absolutely no interest in actually approaching a guy who is getting his rocks off by including me in his fantasies without my approval, I would either ignore it or tell an appropriate authority (if it looks like the guy will be around that area for a while and I can't just leave).

This is exactly what I was thinking. There is no way I would say anything to this guy.  I would probably alert a staff member and leave the area.

Same.  I've had this happen to me, and I was running over in my mind the various ways to tell the guy to check his clothing when I realised there was no way it could have been accidental. 

I'd vote for going to male staff and asking them to handle it.
i don't know if it is intentional or not - but *I* would be embarrassed to say something. I would alert a male staff member.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: TamJamB on February 04, 2013, 05:43:56 AM
For heavens sake, it's just a penis. I don't see the huge deal. There is no evidence AT ALL that the slip was intentional, so I don't see the point of going there.

In any case, the quickest way to get him tucked away is to tell him about it quickly.  "Sir, you need to adjust your swimsuit," said in a quiet and calm tone, is the best way to achieve it.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: lady_disdain on February 04, 2013, 05:54:53 AM
I would say something quickly, quietly and discreetly. If the guy doesn't fix it or reacts in any way that indicates that it was intentional, then I would look for a staff member and relate it, stressing the reaction that made me uneasy.

This way, if it was innocent, then it was sorted out quickly and with the least embarrassment. If it wasn't, then the staff will also have that information, as intentional flashers may act all innocent if someone in authority calls them out.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Van down by the river on February 04, 2013, 06:02:49 AM
This has happened to me. All I had to do was catch his eye and say "
excuse me, you...." And make a small gesture  to the area. He looked down, quickly turned red, thanked me and that was that. It happens. I doubt it was "intentional"
As some have pointed out. Also, the "stain" Dotty was referring to I do believe she meant stains of the monthly kind. I've also been told about those. I had a woman step behind me and whisper "you should check your pants" I instantly knew what she meant and was able to remedy the situation. I thanked her and slipped on my jacket. We are human. These things happen. Not a big deal.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: MorgnsGrl on February 04, 2013, 07:01:18 AM
I like the word "malfunction." As in, "You seem to have a swimsuit malfunction."
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Yvaine on February 04, 2013, 07:04:25 AM
I like the word "malfunction." As in, "You seem to have a swimsuit malfunction."

Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake have made a great contribution to our accidental-exposure lexicon.  ;D
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: DaDancingPsych on February 04, 2013, 08:00:22 AM
If I am close enough and able to quietly mention things (with one of the many fabulous suggestions already given), then I would probably try to help. But in the situation mentioned where someone else stepped up, I think it's best to look away and act like nothing happened. The poor guy is going to wonder who else may have seen him and I would not want to add to his embarrassment by staring.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: demarco on February 04, 2013, 10:04:49 AM
For heavens sake, it's just a penis. I don't see the huge deal. There is no evidence AT ALL that the slip was intentional, so I don't see the point of going there.


If it's no huge deal why bother to tell him about it? 
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Mental Magpie on February 04, 2013, 10:06:42 AM
For heavens sake, it's just a penis. I don't see the huge deal. There is no evidence AT ALL that the slip was intentional, so I don't see the point of going there.


If it's no huge deal why bother to tell him about it?

To prevent him from being embarrassed.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: nuit93 on February 04, 2013, 10:34:05 AM
For heavens sake, it's just a penis. I don't see the huge deal. There is no evidence AT ALL that the slip was intentional, so I don't see the point of going there.


If it's no huge deal why bother to tell him about it?

To prevent him from being embarrassed.

Or arrested for indecent exposure.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: gen xer on February 04, 2013, 10:41:04 AM
 Oh brother....I can't imagine that he wouldn't notice himself within a minute or two max ( granted that could be a loooooong minute or two ).  I honestly don't think I could bring  myself to say anything and just hope he realizes his "freedom" on his own.

Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Moray on February 04, 2013, 11:20:46 AM
For heavens sake, it's just a penis. I don't see the huge deal. There is no evidence AT ALL that the slip was intentional, so I don't see the point of going there.


If it's no huge deal why bother to tell him about it?

That almost implies the choices are "Not a big deal, so it shouldn't even be addressed." or "Visible Penis!!! He must be a predator! Call 911, shield the children!!!"

Nah, I don't think so :) The penis being visible isn't a huge deal, because accidents sometimes happen, and hey, it's only a penis. He's not erect, he's not being lewd, it's just the flaccid penis of some guy who's going for a swim. Telling him would be the nice thing to do. Look him in the eye and tell him he needs to adjust his suit. Don't be cutesy, don't poke fun.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: TamJamB on February 04, 2013, 11:52:29 AM
What Moray said.  It was no big deal in the sense that it was an accident; the kind of thing that could happen to anyone.  There is no need to assume evil intent on his part - in fact, I think it's pretty rude to jump to a conclusion that he's some sort of pervert based on this accident.  Still, in our society, we cover our genitals in public, so in order to save embarassment for him and onlookers, the decent thing to do to bring it to his attention so he can make adjustments.  No. Big. Deal.

This sort of thing really can happen to anyone.  Back in the 1990's, we used to wear romper dresses -- short sundresses with very full shorts instead of skirts.  I was at a party in an outdoor bar and one of my romper legs got flipped up in the back.  I was wearing thong underwear, so one of my buttcheeks was fully exposed.  Another partygoer whispered to me, "Hey, flip your dress down -- your @&& is hanging out."  I was glad that someone brought it to my attention so I could fix the problem before I flashed the entire room.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: ladyknight1 on February 04, 2013, 12:00:09 PM
I would also catch his eye, then quietly recommend he check his swimsuit.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: bansidhe on February 04, 2013, 12:45:32 PM
Count me in the group who would find the nearest male and ask him to inform the guy that he's flashing people. Personally, I wouldn't have a problem saying something but I think it would probably be a whole lot less embarrassing to the "flasher" if it came from another guy.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Margo on February 04, 2013, 01:34:01 PM
Count me in the group who would find the nearest male and ask him to inform the guy that he's flashing people. Personally, I wouldn't have a problem saying something but I think it would probably be a whole lot less embarrassing to the "flasher" if it came from another guy.

I think approaching one male stranger and asking him to tell a second stranger that their penis is hanging out would be more embarrassing, and would result in it becoming a much bigger issue, than just saying something directly. Surely you then end up with 3 embarrassed people instead of two, plus the guy you approach may be equally reluctant to say anything to a stranger. I think if you can't say something yourself you're better not saying anything at all, except to a member of staff.

I'd go with a quick "excuse me, you need to check your trunks/shorts" and then move quickly on. I'd only speak to a staff member if I had reason to think it was deliberate.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Amara on February 04, 2013, 02:12:24 PM
I would approach a male staff member first too, though if one wasn't available I'd speak up (quietly) rather than have the poor guy "waiting." At least that's the way I handled it once when I, as part of a small grad school class, went to a well-known older comedian's home. I noticed his zipper was down and promptly turned to the guy next to me and whispered what I saw and that he might want to alert the man. Then I turned my attention elsewhere. The guy did quietly alert him and all was fine within about a minute.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: MrsJWine on February 04, 2013, 04:25:19 PM
I have had swimsuit malfunctions before (ten years on a team; the wrong suit and an enthusiastic start off the blocks can do that to you), and I am so glad no one else ever deal with it by going and telling someone else. That would make an embarrassing situation about ten times worse. There's no need to spread the word; just quietly tell the person, avoid eye contact, and walk away.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: onyonryngs on February 04, 2013, 04:46:12 PM
What Moray said.  It was no big deal in the sense that it was an accident; the kind of thing that could happen to anyone.  There is no need to assume evil intent on his part - in fact, I think it's pretty rude to jump to a conclusion that he's some sort of pervert based on this accident.  Still, in our society, we cover our genitals in public, so in order to save embarassment for him and onlookers, the decent thing to do to bring it to his attention so he can make adjustments.  No. Big. Deal.

This sort of thing really can happen to anyone.  Back in the 1990's, we used to wear romper dresses -- short sundresses with very full shorts instead of skirts.  I was at a party in an outdoor bar and one of my romper legs got flipped up in the back.  I was wearing thong underwear, so one of my buttcheeks was fully exposed.  Another partygoer whispered to me, "Hey, flip your dress down -- your @&& is hanging out."  I was glad that someone brought it to my attention so I could fix the problem before I flashed the entire room.

This.  I've accidentally flashed people before.  I can assure you that there was no intent involved.  I worry when people start to jump to the worst possible conclusion.   It just seems somewhat paranoid to jump to the "he must be a pervert" rather than "dude, you're having a clothing malfunction."
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: bansidhe on February 05, 2013, 06:01:51 PM
I have had swimsuit malfunctions before (ten years on a team; the wrong suit and an enthusiastic start off the blocks can do that to you), and I am so glad no one else ever deal with it by going and telling someone else. That would make an embarrassing situation about ten times worse. There's no need to spread the word; just quietly tell the person, avoid eye contact, and walk away.

But how do you know that no one ever did that? If someone asked me to tell another woman about a clothing malfunction, I'm not going to march up to her and say, "That guy over there wanted me to tell you that your nipple is showing."  Though that would make for a good sitcom scenario, now that I think about it...

If I suffered a clothing malfunction, I would be a lot less embarrassed hearing about it from another woman, personally - even if I somehow did find out that a man had asked her to tell me. Everyone's mileage varies in this regard, however.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Tabby Uprising on February 05, 2013, 07:33:50 PM
I have had swimsuit malfunctions before (ten years on a team; the wrong suit and an enthusiastic start off the blocks can do that to you), and I am so glad no one else ever deal with it by going and telling someone else. That would make an embarrassing situation about ten times worse. There's no need to spread the word; just quietly tell the person, avoid eye contact, and walk away.

But how do you know that no one ever did that? If someone asked me to tell another woman about a clothing malfunction, I'm not going to march up to her and say, "That guy over there wanted me to tell you that your nipple is showing."  Though that would make for a good sitcom scenario, now that I think about it...

If I suffered a clothing malfunction, I would be a lot less embarrassed hearing about it from another woman, personally - even if I somehow did find out that a man had asked her to tell me. Everyone's mileage varies in this regard, however.

Not to make this a lose-lose situation, but I'd be a bit deer-in-the-headlights if I'm at a pool minding my own business and suddenly a strange guy is asking me, "Hey, can you go tell that lady over there her nipple is showing?".  Ummm... what? 

Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: johelenc1 on February 05, 2013, 10:08:49 PM
I've seen this happen to a girl's swim top.  It happens pretty easily.  I'm trying to imagine how this happens to a guy...
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: squeakers on February 05, 2013, 11:03:17 PM
I've seen this happen to a girl's swim top.  It happens pretty easily.  I'm trying to imagine how this happens to a guy...

Baggy swim shorts and jumping in the pool causes the material to balloon and lift.  Tight trunks the same thing happens and since guys dress to one side.. the wedgie can expose certain parts. Cold water, cold air.. makes it hard to notice something is out for viewing.

(Baggy shorts fall back down and you won't see anything.. usually.  Tight swim trunks.. hello.)

(Hot tubs and two piece fat lady swimsuits has me "burping" my suit the whole time.)
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Gyburc on February 06, 2013, 05:38:15 AM
DH and I went on a camping holiday with his sister and her BF once, many years ago. BF wore baggy shorts and baggy trunks underneath, and kept on having... ahem... unscheduled appearances whenever he sat down on the grass. He was pretty much clueless, until Sis took him aside and persuaded him to change his underwear. It can definitely happen without the gentleman in question noticing.

I think that generally a quick and very quiet word with the man in question is best.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Emmy on February 06, 2013, 07:01:59 AM
What Moray said. It was no big deal in the sense that it was an accident; the kind of thing that could happen to anyone.  There is no need to assume evil intent on his part - in fact, I think it's pretty rude to jump to a conclusion that he's some sort of pervert based on this accident.  Still, in our society, we cover our genitals in public, so in order to save embarassment for him and onlookers, the decent thing to do to bring it to his attention so he can make adjustments.  No. Big. Deal.

This sort of thing really can happen to anyone.  Back in the 1990's, we used to wear romper dresses -- short sundresses with very full shorts instead of skirts.  I was at a party in an outdoor bar and one of my romper legs got flipped up in the back.  I was wearing thong underwear, so one of my buttcheeks was fully exposed.  Another partygoer whispered to me, "Hey, flip your dress down -- your @&& is hanging out."  I was glad that someone brought it to my attention so I could fix the problem before I flashed the entire room.

I agree and think the conclusion that he is a pervert who is doing this deliberately is unfair.  If a woman had her breast exposed in a similar situation, I think most people would assume it was an accident rather than she is a pervert who is deliberately flashing people. 

Most people would be embarrassed no matter how it is handled, but it would be much less embarrassing to have it handled quickly and discreetly.  I like the idea of quietly telling the man to adjust his swimsuit without making eye contact.  Some of the other comments were funny to read, but not a good idea to say in a real life situation.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Miss Unleaded on February 06, 2013, 07:54:31 AM
I agree and think the conclusion that he is a pervert who is doing this deliberately is unfair.  If a woman had her breast exposed in a similar situation, I think most people would assume it was an accident rather than she is a pervert who is deliberately flashing people. 

Most people would be embarrassed no matter how it is handled, but it would be much less embarrassing to have it handled quickly and discreetly.  I like the idea of quietly telling the man to adjust his swimsuit without making eye contact.  Some of the other comments were funny to read, but not a good idea to say in a real life situation.

I don't think anyone did conclude that a man with a wardrobe malfunction is always a pervert.  Here is one of the first comments addressing the possibility:

Quote
You assume it's unintentional - there are guys who get off on flashing strangers, especially women.  I won't hazard a guess about what percentage of indecent exposure is intentional and how much is accidental, but I'm guessing the chances are decently even.  Since I have absolutely no interest in actually approaching a guy who is getting his rocks off by including me in his fantasies without my approval, I would either ignore it or tell an appropriate authority (if it looks like the guy will be around that area for a while and I can't just leave).

It happened to me once that I was on a train, and a man sat across from me wearing baggy shorts and no underwear.  He sat with his legs spread wide apart and one of his legs raised in the air at an unnatural angle so that he was pretty much fully exposed.  He also had his hat pulled down so that I could not see his face clearly. 

Maybe if it was clearly a genuine accident and/or I knew the person I'd say something.  But otherwise not.  It's not because a penis is a big deal, but more because I don't want to escalate an unpleasant situation or be used by someone getting his jollies from my reaction.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Melde on February 06, 2013, 01:30:31 PM
I would just like to say, that as LIfeguards, we are in fact trained on how to deal with things exactly like this, so just tell the guard. Innocent or not, they will deal with it appropriately.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Slartibartfast on February 06, 2013, 04:04:33 PM
I agree and think the conclusion that he is a pervert who is doing this deliberately is unfair.  If a woman had her breast exposed in a similar situation, I think most people would assume it was an accident rather than she is a pervert who is deliberately flashing people. 

Most people would be embarrassed no matter how it is handled, but it would be much less embarrassing to have it handled quickly and discreetly.  I like the idea of quietly telling the man to adjust his swimsuit without making eye contact.  Some of the other comments were funny to read, but not a good idea to say in a real life situation.

I don't think anyone did conclude that a man with a wardrobe malfunction is always a pervert.  Here is one of the first comments addressing the possibility:

Quote
You assume it's unintentional - there are guys who get off on flashing strangers, especially women.  I won't hazard a guess about what percentage of indecent exposure is intentional and how much is accidental, but I'm guessing the chances are decently even.  Since I have absolutely no interest in actually approaching a guy who is getting his rocks off by including me in his fantasies without my approval, I would either ignore it or tell an appropriate authority (if it looks like the guy will be around that area for a while and I can't just leave).

It happened to me once that I was on a train, and a man sat across from me wearing baggy shorts and no underwear.  He sat with his legs spread wide apart and one of his legs raised in the air at an unnatural angle so that he was pretty much fully exposed.  He also had his hat pulled down so that I could not see his face clearly. 

Maybe if it was clearly a genuine accident and/or I knew the person I'd say something.  But otherwise not.  It's not because a penis is a big deal, but more because I don't want to escalate an unpleasant situation or be used by someone getting his jollies from my reaction.

This.  It's a risk versus reward thing for me: if he's not a pervert, then the only reward is on the guy's end (he's not embarrassed).  If he is a pervert, the risk is to me: he leaves me feeling icky for the rest of the day, he leers at me, he follows me around the pool to the point I feel like I need to leave, I have to worry about whether I'll see him there again, etc.  As much as I'm happy to help a stranger when it's not too much of an inconvenience, I don't think the risk (to me) is worth the reward (to him).

I would feel differently about it if it were a woman, mostly because I think the chances of a woman intentionally flashing people to fulfill a personal fetish are much lower than they are of there just being a "wardrobe malfunction."  The risk/reward calculation is still there, but now the risk is much smaller and the reward is much more likely.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Mental Magpie on February 06, 2013, 04:28:19 PM
I would just like to say, that as LIfeguards, we are in fact trained on how to deal with things exactly like this, so just tell the guard. Innocent or not, they will deal with it appropriately.

Assuming there is a lifeguard there.  If not, then what?  I say handle it yourself, discreetly.
Title: Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
Post by: Emmy on February 07, 2013, 03:34:29 PM
I agree and think the conclusion that he is a pervert who is doing this deliberately is unfair.  If a woman had her breast exposed in a similar situation, I think most people would assume it was an accident rather than she is a pervert who is deliberately flashing people. 

Most people would be embarrassed no matter how it is handled, but it would be much less embarrassing to have it handled quickly and discreetly.  I like the idea of quietly telling the man to adjust his swimsuit without making eye contact.  Some of the other comments were funny to read, but not a good idea to say in a real life situation.

I don't think anyone did conclude that a man with a wardrobe malfunction is always a pervert.  Here is one of the first comments addressing the possibility:

Quote
You assume it's unintentional - there are guys who get off on flashing strangers, especially women.  I won't hazard a guess about what percentage of indecent exposure is intentional and how much is accidental, but I'm guessing the chances are decently even.  Since I have absolutely no interest in actually approaching a guy who is getting his rocks off by including me in his fantasies without my approval, I would either ignore it or tell an appropriate authority (if it looks like the guy will be around that area for a while and I can't just leave).

It happened to me once that I was on a train, and a man sat across from me wearing baggy shorts and no underwear.  He sat with his legs spread wide apart and one of his legs raised in the air at an unnatural angle so that he was pretty much fully exposed.  He also had his hat pulled down so that I could not see his face clearly. 

Maybe if it was clearly a genuine accident and/or I knew the person I'd say something.  But otherwise not.  It's not because a penis is a big deal, but more because I don't want to escalate an unpleasant situation or be used by someone getting his jollies from my reaction.

This.  It's a risk versus reward thing for me: if he's not a pervert, then the only reward is on the guy's end (he's not embarrassed).  If he is a pervert, the risk is to me: he leaves me feeling icky for the rest of the day, he leers at me, he follows me around the pool to the point I feel like I need to leave, I have to worry about whether I'll see him there again, etc.  As much as I'm happy to help a stranger when it's not too much of an inconvenience, I don't think the risk (to me) is worth the reward (to him).

I would feel differently about it if it were a woman, mostly because I think the chances of a woman intentionally flashing people to fulfill a personal fetish are much lower than they are of there just being a "wardrobe malfunction."  The risk/reward calculation is still there, but now the risk is much smaller and the reward is much more likely.

I do think if the guy is acting suspiciously, like the train guy with the baggy shorts, I would avoid and ignore him.  If it really seemed like he didn't know, I would rather give him the benefit of the doubt and let him know his swimsuit needs adjusting.  I would do this although it would be easier to say nothing because I would want somebody to do it for me.