Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Techno-quette => Topic started by: JeanFromBNA on February 04, 2013, 02:00:51 PM

Title: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: JeanFromBNA on February 04, 2013, 02:00:51 PM
Is it acceptable to post pictures of your mother's funeral on your timeline?  No, no, no, I didn't do that.  Somebody that I'm not close to but have on my newsfeed did.  I was already considering removing her from my newsfeed for other reasons; apparently I was too slow.

But shouldn't someone at least give a warning?  I'm scrolling down:  Status updates, LOL cats, e-cards, political rants, soandso liked this, and somebody's deceased mother in a coffin.   :o.  I just wasn't expecting it. 
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Sharnita on February 04, 2013, 02:09:27 PM
I find it acceptable. I get that other people might not like ot but I disagree that means,it is bot acceptable. There is a whole lot on fb that I don't like to look at but that doesn't mean other posters have posted anything unacceptable.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Surianne on February 04, 2013, 02:10:46 PM
I don't see anything inappropriate about that.  It might be nice for people who couldn't be there to see the funeral.  An open casket without warning might be disturbing, but the coffin and funeral in general?  Not sure why that's a problem.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Yvaine on February 04, 2013, 02:11:50 PM
I don't see anything inappropriate about that.  It might be nice for people who couldn't be there to see the funeral.  An open casket without warning might be disturbing, but the coffin and funeral in general?  Not sure why that's a problem.

According to the OP, there was a picture of the open coffin with deceased person inside.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Surianne on February 04, 2013, 02:14:47 PM
I don't see anything inappropriate about that.  It might be nice for people who couldn't be there to see the funeral.  An open casket without warning might be disturbing, but the coffin and funeral in general?  Not sure why that's a problem.

According to the OP, there was a picture of the open coffin with deceased person inside.

I must be seriously missing something...just reread the OP and am not seeing it?
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Yvaine on February 04, 2013, 02:15:41 PM
I don't see anything inappropriate about that.  It might be nice for people who couldn't be there to see the funeral.  An open casket without warning might be disturbing, but the coffin and funeral in general?  Not sure why that's a problem.

According to the OP, there was a picture of the open coffin with deceased person inside.

I must be seriously missing something...just reread the OP and am not seeing it?

and somebody's deceased mother in a coffin.

I think she'd have just said "and a coffin" if you couldn't see the coffin's inhabitant.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Hmmmmm on February 04, 2013, 02:18:21 PM
Is it acceptable to post pictures of your mother's funeral on your timeline?  No, no, no, I didn't do that.  Somebody that I'm not close to but have on my newsfeed did.  I was already considering removing her from my newsfeed for other reasons; apparently I was too slow.

But shouldn't someone at least give a warning?  I'm scrolling down:  Status updates, LOL cats, e-cards, political rants, soandso liked this, and somebody's deceased mother in a coffin.   :o.  I just wasn't expecting it.

I was about to say I would be fine with it but I was imagining a photo taken of the minister or the person giving the eulogy.  But no, I do not find photos of deceased people on a social media forum to be appropriate. To me that is definately the type of photo that should only be shared with people who request a copy.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Surianne on February 04, 2013, 02:19:38 PM
Yvaine: ohhh, gotcha--I didn't read that into it, but what you're saying makes sense.  I can see how that would be surprising and unsettling to see on Facebook.  I think it would be more polite to put it in an album with a different cover photo, and a note warning people that there are open casket photos inside, since it is possible that it would upset someone to see it. 
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Moray on February 04, 2013, 02:51:49 PM
Sharing post-mortem photographs, unsolicited, is beyond the bounds of good taste. I don't know that it's "rude", precisely, but it's just not right. I don't think there's anything wrong with taking them, in fact, I have some very cherished photos of my grandmother, grandfather, and late cousin in their coffins. But you just don't spring them on people.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: JenJay on February 04, 2013, 02:59:26 PM
I don't want to see any death photos at all. I've recently had to unsubscribe from two friends who posted photos of dead animals (in an "Isn't this terrible! Please help prevent it!" sort of way). I understand that everyone will use their account in whatever way they want but I'm just in it for the jokes and keeping in touch.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: cutejellybeen on February 04, 2013, 03:02:20 PM
Id be really upset by that. I dont know how others feel, but I dont feel FB is the right place for that. If some people needed tos ee photos, send them in an email. Or at the very least a limited access fb photo album, only viewable to certain people
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: violinp on February 04, 2013, 03:16:12 PM
If it was a post - mortem picture of the deceased, then that's very much not okay. I had a bad experience with open coffin funerals (creepy warning: I thought I saw the body moving), and so I don't even go up to the receiving line if the coffin is there and open (I greet the bereaved after the service and express my condolences then). A picture like that would upset me a lot and make me feel a little ill.

Id be really upset by that. I dont know how others feel, but I dont feel FB is the right place for that. If some people needed tos ee photos, send them in an email. Or at the very least a limited access fb photo album, only viewable to certain people

I concur with this. It's totally possible to put privacy settings on an album to keep people from seeing upsetting or frightening images, so no one needs to have that open to every FB friend he or she has.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Moray on February 04, 2013, 03:23:32 PM
If it was a post - mortem picture of the deceased, then that's very much not okay. I had a bad experience with open coffin funerals (creepy warning: I thought I saw the body moving), and so I don't even go up to the receiving line if the coffin is there and open (I greet the bereaved after the service and express my condolences then). A picture like that would upset me a lot and make me feel a little ill.

Id be really upset by that. I dont know how others feel, but I dont feel FB is the right place for that. If some people needed tos ee photos, send them in an email. Or at the very least a limited access fb photo album, only viewable to certain people

I concur with this. It's totally possible to put privacy settings on an album to keep people from seeing upsetting or frightening images, so no one needs to have that open to every FB friend he or she has.

What a terrifying thing to imagine or hallucinate!
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: WillyNilly on February 04, 2013, 03:52:20 PM
It wouldn't bother me, people in coffins look like they are sleeping. And my feed moves pretty quickly anyway.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: bah12 on February 04, 2013, 04:04:28 PM
In some cultures it's customary to take pictures of the deceased and keep them in photo albums or even display them in the home.  While I personally don't enjoy seeing pictures like this, this pretty much boils down to people using their FB page for their own purposes.  Not everyone posts things that I'm comfortable with.  And if the posts are disturbing enough, often enough, I always have the options of hiding their feed or defriending.

What I'm saying is that, aside from pictures with legal ramifications, I wouldn't say that there's an etiquette to posting pictures. 
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: MrsJWine on February 04, 2013, 05:08:29 PM
I really don't think this is okay. Some people might have no problem with seeing dead bodies, but most people in our culture do. I've seen a few in person myself, and they have never, ever looked like they were just sleeping. Not even my grandpa just moments after he'd passed away. It's polite to burp after a meal in Japan, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing to do at a dinner party in the US.

If your friend is from a culture where this is normal, that's one thing (is she?), but I'm assuming she's not. I am assuming, however, that she's deep in grief and probably doesn't have the best judgment at the moment; you said you were already thinking of removing her from her newsfeed, but if you weren't, I would say to let it slide. Not because it's okay but because people do weird things when they're grieving.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Judah on February 04, 2013, 05:15:03 PM
I don't know that I'd go so far as to say this is rude, but I really wouldn't like it to show up on my news feed. 
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Sharnita on February 04, 2013, 05:25:42 PM
The thing is that some people post political stuff others aren't interested in seeing, causes, religious stuff or yes, for some it might be kittens. Sometimes the words and photos are even meant to unsettle. I think you have the right to block or defriend but I think you also need to be honest that it is the result of two different views of fb rather than a "my way is the right way and their way is wrong" attitude.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: thedudeabides on February 04, 2013, 08:19:24 PM
This is a situation where you need to know your audience.  It's going to be completely disturbing for a lot of people to wake up to a picture of a dead body mixed in with their LOLcats and ecards.  Kind of like when you're scrolling through your newsfeed and one of your activist friends has decided that they need to share a Sarah McLaughlin-level animal abuse picture to support the local animal shelter.  And when you're dealing with an environment where you're sharing with your immediate family, your extended family, your closest friends, your acquaintances, and maybe your coworkers, well, it's just not going to be appropriate for everyone.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Winterlight on February 04, 2013, 08:27:02 PM
If I'm happily scrolling through my feed looking at pet photos and silly jokes and suddenly there's a dead person, I'd be really creeped out.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Bluenomi on February 04, 2013, 09:02:19 PM
Photos of the wake and mourners at the funeal are fine but no coffins. I once got a nasty surprise developing photos when the roll contained close up photos of the woman's dead MIL in her coffin. That was part of my job but it's not something I want on my newsfeed.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: jaxsue on February 04, 2013, 09:47:48 PM
It would bother me, and I have a collection of Victorian postmortems, so I'm not super-squeamish. But on a site like FB? I wouldn't like it.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Sharnita on February 04, 2013, 09:49:57 PM
This is a situation where you need to know your audience.  It's going to be completely disturbing for a lot of people to wake up to a picture of a dead body mixed in with their LOLcats and ecards.  Kind of like when you're scrolling through your newsfeed and one of your activist friends has decided that they need to share a Sarah McLaughlin-level animal abuse picture to support the local animal shelter.  And when you're dealing with an environment where you're sharing with your immediate family, your extended family, your closest friends, your acquaintances, and maybe your coworkers, well, it's just not going to be appropriate for everyone.

But that does happen quite frequently on fb, along with pictures of sick babies, domestic violence PSAs, etc.  If somebody decides they are seeing things they don't want to then they are free to block or defriend.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: thedudeabides on February 04, 2013, 10:04:56 PM
This is a situation where you need to know your audience.  It's going to be completely disturbing for a lot of people to wake up to a picture of a dead body mixed in with their LOLcats and ecards.  Kind of like when you're scrolling through your newsfeed and one of your activist friends has decided that they need to share a Sarah McLaughlin-level animal abuse picture to support the local animal shelter.  And when you're dealing with an environment where you're sharing with your immediate family, your extended family, your closest friends, your acquaintances, and maybe your coworkers, well, it's just not going to be appropriate for everyone.

But that does happen quite frequently on fb, along with pictures of sick babies, domestic violence PSAs, etc.  If somebody decides they are seeing things they don't want to then they are free to block or defriend.

I agree and have done just that.  But just because it's Facebook doesn't mean that what people do on their own walls can't be considered rude or inappropriate.  I think people have agreed in the past that it's rude to vaguebook and rude to post things on your wall directly insulting the people who are going to see it.  Sure, you can't police it, aside from defriending or hiding someone, but that doesn't mean the behavior is any less inappropriate.

Edited: Just tonight a friend of mine posted a picture of a child who had allegedly been abused to his newsfeed.  Popped up in the middle of everyone else's normal daily posting.  The next time I see him, I may well call him on it because, come on, IF the story attached to the picture is true, not everyone on his friends list is in a position to be on the lookout for the person who allegedly committed the abuse, so they just got slapped in the face with an extremely disturbing picture because he was too lazy to be selective in who he shared with.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: CrochetFanatic on February 04, 2013, 10:07:09 PM
It would bother me just based on the fact that I wouldn't know it was coming.  Not everyone would want to see it, and some would find it upsetting. 

I also got a couple "surprises" when developing film, and along with the occasional inappropriate photo that we couldn't print there was also the less-frequent body in a coffin picture.  I couldn't say for sure if it's rude or inappropriate, but it's not something I'd put up on FB.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: JeanFromBNA on February 04, 2013, 10:14:12 PM
To be clear, there were photos of her deceased mother lying (laying?) in her coffin.  There were also photos of the harpist, the floral arrangements, and the other mourners.  Didn't mind the other photos.  She's a friend of my husband and I've met her a couple of times.  I was planning to drop her from my news feed because we don't have much in common. 

Can't you just drop somebody from your news feed without blocking or defriending them? Will she know that I've done this?  I think she's a nice person, and wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: CrochetFanatic on February 04, 2013, 10:19:06 PM
To be clear, there were photos of her deceased mother lying (laying?) in her coffin.  There were also photos of the harpist, the floral arrangements, and the other mourners.  Didn't mind the other photos.  She's a friend of my husband and I've met her a couple of times.  I was planning to drop her from my news feed because we don't have much in common. 

Can't you just drop somebody from your news feed without blocking or defriending them? Will she know that I've done this?  I think she's a nice person, and wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

Yes, you can.  Click on their name, click on "Friends", then click on "Settings" and you'll get a list.  Simply go down the list and "un-check" everything you don't want to see in your news feed.  You could un-check all of them, or just the ones you don't want, like "Photos".  I did that last week with someone I didn't want to unfriend completely.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: JeanFromBNA on February 04, 2013, 10:23:12 PM
The thing is that some people post political stuff others aren't interested in seeing, causes, religious stuff or yes, for some it might be kittens. Sometimes the words and photos are even meant to unsettle. I think you have the right to block or defriend but I think you also need to be honest that it is the result of two different views of fb rather than a "my way is the right way and their way is wrong" attitude.

This is what I was thinking, and why I came here to ask.

People are unsettled by kittehs?  I had no idea.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: MariaE on February 05, 2013, 02:00:44 AM
It wouldn't bother me, but it's not something I would do myself either.

I'm a lot more bothered by the political posts I keep seeing.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: squeakers on February 05, 2013, 08:12:36 AM
It wouldn't bother me, but it's not something I would do myself either.

I'm a lot more bothered by the political posts I keep seeing.

This.  One of the last photos of my BIL is on FB.  Taken mere moments before he passed.  It still makes me smile and cry. To me a photo of a deceased person is no more shocking than a photo of them alive.  And I have zombie issues  >:D

And while I can usually skip the political stuff, if it is too nasty and that is all I see on a friend's wall.. I delete them as friends.  Same for people who continuously post hoaxes and people who have not been on FB for more than a year (I do the birthday thing.. and if their name doesn't ring a bell I check their walls.  I found out a few game friends had died that way.. really disconcerting to see people posting birthday wishes and further down the page see people posting condolences.)

I get to control what I see.. I don't get to control what other people post.  Otherwise I would decree duckface pictures and song lyric statuses that are not clearly marked as song bits as "not done". (So many teen songs that read as.. cries for help.  When asked the teen is puzzled and just likes how the song sounds.)
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: SamiHami on February 05, 2013, 08:14:28 AM
Photos of the wake and mourners at the funeal are fine but no coffins. I once got a nasty surprise developing photos when the roll contained close up photos of the woman's dead MIL in her coffin. That was part of my job but it's not something I want on my newsfeed.

 there is nothing "fine" about posting pics of the mourners unless each one has given their permission. I would be furious if someone posted pictures of me under such circumstances. People should be allowed to attend a funeral and express their grief without worrying someone is going to post pictures of them all over social media. It is a gross invasion of privacy
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: JenJay on February 05, 2013, 08:30:37 AM
I've tried playing around with what's checked and unchecked in my "want to see" settings and still ended up getting stuff I didn't want. Now I go all the way to the bottom of the list and click "unsubscribe" and I don't get any status updates, photos, links, etc. that the person posts. It doesn't unfriend us or send any kind of notice to the person as far as I know.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: bah12 on February 05, 2013, 10:01:34 AM
This is a situation where you need to know your audience.  It's going to be completely disturbing for a lot of people to wake up to a picture of a dead body mixed in with their LOLcats and ecards.  Kind of like when you're scrolling through your newsfeed and one of your activist friends has decided that they need to share a Sarah McLaughlin-level animal abuse picture to support the local animal shelter.  And when you're dealing with an environment where you're sharing with your immediate family, your extended family, your closest friends, your acquaintances, and maybe your coworkers, well, it's just not going to be appropriate for everyone.

But that does happen quite frequently on fb, along with pictures of sick babies, domestic violence PSAs, etc.  If somebody decides they are seeing things they don't want to then they are free to block or defriend.

I agree and have done just that.  But just because it's Facebook doesn't mean that what people do on their own walls can't be considered rude or inappropriate.  I think people have agreed in the past that it's rude to vaguebook and rude to post things on your wall directly insulting the people who are going to see it.  Sure, you can't police it, aside from defriending or hiding someone, but that doesn't mean the behavior is any less inappropriate.

Edited: Just tonight a friend of mine posted a picture of a child who had allegedly been abused to his newsfeed.  Popped up in the middle of everyone else's normal daily posting.  The next time I see him, I may well call him on it because, come on, IF the story attached to the picture is true, not everyone on his friends list is in a position to be on the lookout for the person who allegedly committed the abuse, so they just got slapped in the face with an extremely disturbing picture because he was too lazy to be selective in who he shared with.

Actually, I don't think vaguebooking is rude...I think it's annoying and a cry for attention, but not rude. 

As for the culture/this is the US thing...that's just it.  This is the US.  There are a million different cultures in this country.  I don't think it's legitimate to argue that generic US cultural norms apply to FB postings just because the majority of the people that see it reside in this country.  I also don't think it's necessarily considered "not ok" to take pictures of the deceased in our culture.  I know several people who do it and put the pictures in photo albums, or boxes as momentos of a loved one.  While I haven't seen these pop up on my newsfeed, I don't think there's a "right/wrong" answer here.  When I don't like what a FB friend posts, I either hide their feed or delete them from my list...and I've done this with perfectly nice people that I remain friends with IRL. 

This comes down to "everyone uses FB differently" and I just don't think that it's ok to expect that everyone is going to protect you from seeing things you don't like, aren't disturbing/shocking, etc.

Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: violinp on February 05, 2013, 10:55:30 AM
Photos of the wake and mourners at the funeal are fine but no coffins. I once got a nasty surprise developing photos when the roll contained close up photos of the woman's dead MIL in her coffin. That was part of my job but it's not something I want on my newsfeed.

 there is nothing "fine" about posting pics of the mourners unless each one has given their permission. I would be furious if someone posted pictures of me under such circumstances. People should be allowed to attend a funeral and express their grief without worrying someone is going to post pictures of them all over social media. It is a gross invasion of privacy

I quite agree. I don't want people I'm not connected to to see me bawling my eyes out.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: NotTheNarcissist on February 05, 2013, 03:23:19 PM
While personally I find it in poor taste & would not do it, I acknowledge the person has the right to post those pictures.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Twik on February 05, 2013, 03:36:04 PM
Well, we're not arguing rights, we're arguing etiquette, and, I think, consideration.

While almost anything can disturb someone, the idea of death is disturbing to all of us, to varying degrees. Therefore, it would be considerate, and I believe, polite, to avoid springing pictures of the deceased onto others without knowing if it would disturb them or not. I think would apply to other common triggers of distress, such as pictures of large spiders, or snakes. I might be really interested in such things, but I need to remember that not everyone is, and it is a kindness not to upset the people you are trying to communicate with.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Bluenomi on February 05, 2013, 07:40:15 PM
Photos of the wake and mourners at the funeal are fine but no coffins. I once got a nasty surprise developing photos when the roll contained close up photos of the woman's dead MIL in her coffin. That was part of my job but it's not something I want on my newsfeed.

 there is nothing "fine" about posting pics of the mourners unless each one has given their permission. I would be furious if someone posted pictures of me under such circumstances. People should be allowed to attend a funeral and express their grief without worrying someone is going to post pictures of them all over social media. It is a gross invasion of privacy

Sorry, I ment under the usual permissions etc but didn't think I needed to spell that out since that wasn't the question.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: thedudeabides on February 05, 2013, 09:19:32 PM
This is a situation where you need to know your audience.  It's going to be completely disturbing for a lot of people to wake up to a picture of a dead body mixed in with their LOLcats and ecards.  Kind of like when you're scrolling through your newsfeed and one of your activist friends has decided that they need to share a Sarah McLaughlin-level animal abuse picture to support the local animal shelter.  And when you're dealing with an environment where you're sharing with your immediate family, your extended family, your closest friends, your acquaintances, and maybe your coworkers, well, it's just not going to be appropriate for everyone.

But that does happen quite frequently on fb, along with pictures of sick babies, domestic violence PSAs, etc.  If somebody decides they are seeing things they don't want to then they are free to block or defriend.

I agree and have done just that.  But just because it's Facebook doesn't mean that what people do on their own walls can't be considered rude or inappropriate.  I think people have agreed in the past that it's rude to vaguebook and rude to post things on your wall directly insulting the people who are going to see it.  Sure, you can't police it, aside from defriending or hiding someone, but that doesn't mean the behavior is any less inappropriate.

Edited: Just tonight a friend of mine posted a picture of a child who had allegedly been abused to his newsfeed.  Popped up in the middle of everyone else's normal daily posting.  The next time I see him, I may well call him on it because, come on, IF the story attached to the picture is true, not everyone on his friends list is in a position to be on the lookout for the person who allegedly committed the abuse, so they just got slapped in the face with an extremely disturbing picture because he was too lazy to be selective in who he shared with.

Actually, I don't think vaguebooking is rude...I think it's annoying and a cry for attention, but not rude. 

As for the culture/this is the US thing...that's just it.  This is the US.  There are a million different cultures in this country.  I don't think it's legitimate to argue that generic US cultural norms apply to FB postings just because the majority of the people that see it reside in this country.  I also don't think it's necessarily considered "not ok" to take pictures of the deceased in our culture.  I know several people who do it and put the pictures in photo albums, or boxes as momentos of a loved one.  While I haven't seen these pop up on my newsfeed, I don't think there's a "right/wrong" answer here.  When I don't like what a FB friend posts, I either hide their feed or delete them from my list...and I've done this with perfectly nice people that I remain friends with IRL. 

This comes down to "everyone uses FB differently" and I just don't think that it's ok to expect that everyone is going to protect you from seeing things you don't like, aren't disturbing/shocking, etc.

I agree with all of that.  I'm just saying that that doesn't make posting those things appropriate.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: bah12 on February 06, 2013, 02:56:30 PM
Well, we're not arguing rights, we're arguing etiquette, and, I think, consideration.

While almost anything can disturb someone, the idea of death is disturbing to all of us, to varying degrees. Therefore, it would be considerate, and I believe, polite, to avoid springing pictures of the deceased onto others without knowing if it would disturb them or not. I think would apply to other common triggers of distress, such as pictures of large spiders, or snakes. I might be really interested in such things, but I need to remember that not everyone is, and it is a kindness not to upset the people you are trying to communicate with.

I don't think this approach is practical.  First, death doesn't disturb everyone.  I think that you could argue that graphic pictures of death may disturb most people, but like I said, I know many people who keep and look at pictures of the deceased at funerals or viewings.  The same with large spiders/snakes.  I wouldn't even think twice about posting a picture of those...for instance, if a snake was in my yard, I might take a picture and post "look what was in my yard!"

I think that there may be a few things out there that we could reasonably say would be distressing to pretty much everyone...and I would think it's reasonable that pictures of abuse, blood, and other graphic images would fall into that category, but not of someone that looks like their sleeping in a coffin, snakes, or spiders.

Also, FWIW, I wouldn't actually like seeing a picture of a dead person even if it did look like they were sleeping.  But I don't think it's blanketly wrong for someone to put a picture like that on FB.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: MariaE on February 06, 2013, 03:10:24 PM
POD to bah. I agree with everything she wrote.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Starr on February 06, 2013, 03:39:38 PM
I disagree - I think most people I know would find it very upsetting to have an image of a dead body unexpectedly come up on their computer screen.  I think of it this way - if the image is something the local news station would have to give a "viewer discretion" warning for before they showed it on the evening news, I think it's only polite to extend the same courtesy to your Facebook friends.  On the evening news, when they show funerals for distinguished people in the community or accident victims, they will often show the mourners (I hope with permission!) or the flowers and closed casket.  However, they never show bodies, and when they show other types of graphic images (abuse victims, etc.) they give a warning for sensitive viewers to look away/turn the channel for a moment.

I agree that it may not be upsetting to see your own relative at peace in a coffin (or it may be for some) but chances are many of the people viewing the FB pictures didn't know the deceased well.  Also, not every person I've ever seen at a funeral looks like they are sleeping - some are quite obviously not just asleep, and the fact that the person is in a coffin shatters the fantasy that they are sleeping as well.

I used to read a woman's blog who had a daughter with cancer.  The daughter lost her battle with cancer, and her mom wanted to show some final pictures of her on the blog.  She posted a warning at the top of the page for that post letting people know not to scroll further if they would rather not see the pictures (and she said she totally understood some people may not want to remember the daughter that way).
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: bah12 on February 06, 2013, 06:24:24 PM
Let's put it another way.  I know a lot of people (I mean a lot) that are afraid of heights.  Is it rude or unacceptable to put pictures and videos of people that are up high?  Or that show how high it is from their viewpoint?  I get squeemish at the sight of scurring mice.  I hate them and looking at them is disturbing.  I know several people who feel the same way.  Is it rude for people to post pictures of mice without warning me?

I've seen images of dead people on tv without warning.  Whether it's been "fake" like in a movie or a tv show, or even in newspapers/news (we can warnings if the pictures show death, or babies, etc, but not more than that).  I hate seeing those images regardless of the medium, but again, it doesn't matter what I think...or even what a majority of the US thinks.  People taking pictures of the deceased is not uncommon.  There may be a lot of people out there who don't like it, but it's not uncommon.

This technological age has made our private lives much more open.  People can choose to share whatever they want about their private lives, and in turn, we can choose whether or not we want to be shared with.  But, what is not so easy, is protecting ourselves from accidently seeing something that we don't like.  But, really, that's life.  It's no different than me seeing something disturbing IRL, it's just that FB has increased that possibility.  I feel that sometimes we're going to come across things that make us uncomfortable.  That doesn't make it rude.  Shoving a picture in your face and forcing you to look at it is rude.  Posting it their own wall is not.  If your (general) "friend" is consistenly posting things you don't like, then there is a good reason to hide their feed.   
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: CakeEater on February 06, 2013, 08:23:14 PM
Let's put it another way.  I know a lot of people (I mean a lot) that are afraid of heights.  Is it rude or unacceptable to put pictures and videos of people that are up high?  Or that show how high it is from their viewpoint?  I get squeemish at the sight of scurring mice.  I hate them and looking at them is disturbing.  I know several people who feel the same way.  Is it rude for people to post pictures of mice without warning me?

I've seen images of dead people on tv without warning.  Whether it's been "fake" like in a movie or a tv show, or even in newspapers/news (we can warnings if the pictures show death, or babies, etc, but not more than that).  I hate seeing those images regardless of the medium, but again, it doesn't matter what I think...or even what a majority of the US thinks.  People taking pictures of the deceased is not uncommon.  There may be a lot of people out there who don't like it, but it's not uncommon.

This technological age has made our private lives much more open.  People can choose to share whatever they want about their private lives, and in turn, we can choose whether or not we want to be shared with.  But, what is not so easy, is protecting ourselves from accidently seeing something that we don't like.  But, really, that's life.  It's no different than me seeing something disturbing IRL, it's just that FB has increased that possibility.  I feel that sometimes we're going to come across things that make us uncomfortable.  That doesn't make it rude.  Shoving a picture in your face and forcing you to look at it is rude.  Posting it their own wall is not.  If your (general) "friend" is consistenly posting things you don't like, then there is a good reason to hide their feed.

I disagree. TV shows do have warnings - they have a ratings system that distinguishes between all sorts of things that the movie/V show contains. And we expect the TV news to have images of accidents etc, and we don't watch if those sorts of things disturb us.

Posting something on their wall is like shoving a picture in my face, because their wall shows up in my newsfeed.

I think there are a number of things that people shouldn't post on their pages because of the widespread dislike of them. I think bodies in coffins are included on that list. Others include; toddler's first poo, surgery or post surgery scars, woman giving birth, etc. We don't discuss those things in detail, or show everyone we know photos of them as a general rule, so I don't think they should be on your FB page.

I don't think mice are as widespread a taboo.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Sharnita on February 06, 2013, 08:48:28 PM
I would say that one is just as likely to see something unsettling on fb as on the news.  On any given day I see pictures relating to animal abuse, domestic violence, sick babies, war - just like the news it is a look at your own risk proposition.  If you want to be certain of the safety of fluffy bunny images, a calendar is probably a better bet.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: bah12 on February 06, 2013, 09:31:58 PM
Perhaps FB should come with a warning too "Warning: not everyone thinks like you or uses this site like you. There is a chance that you may not be completely comfortable with everything you see or read. View at your own risk."
I just think that's pretty obvious...
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Starr on February 06, 2013, 09:45:09 PM
CakeEater, you said what I was trying to much better than I could!  Unlike heights, mice, or snakes (all of which I'm afraid of  :) ) death and dead bodies are generally taboo to show.  Maybe this varies by region (as traditions about death tend to) but in my part of the country it's not considered acceptable to show pictures of death without warning.  I say this as someone whose family members have taken pictures of relatives in caskets.  They always let family and friends know pictures were available, if they couldn't make the service, and they were welcome to take a look at the pictures on the camera.

And of course it is obvious that not everyone will post things you like to Facebook.  But the question at hand is whether it's rude or thoughtless to post funeral photos - I think it is.  Of course, people have the right to post what photos they see fit (within a site's rules), but I think it's rude to post funeral photos that may obviously upset one's friends, just as it would be rude to post pictures of the hairball my cat deposited on the carpet because it might make my friends feel ill.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: CakeEater on February 07, 2013, 05:30:28 AM
Perhaps FB should come with a warning too "Warning: not everyone thinks like you or uses this site like you. There is a chance that you may not be completely comfortable with everything you see or read. View at your own risk."
I just think that's pretty obvious...

Of course it's obvious. I haven't said that anyone should use FB in the exact same way that I do.

I don't post political or religious statements, although I have beliefs in both those directions. I'm happy to concede that people are welcome to shout their views on both those topics from their virtual rooftops as much as they like.

I don't post every day, or post photos of meals I'm eating. I do post photos of my hobby, which I realise that others don't.

Those sorts of things are personal preference about how people use their pages.

 Posting photos of things that are likely to disturb a lot of people is inconsiderate. I post photos of my kids a fair bit, but I don't post photos of them in the bath, or on the toilet, or with their fingers up their noses because I recognise that many people don't want to see photos of those things (their own privacy issues aside.) And assuming that my friends haven't hidden me already, my photos, although posted to my own wall, will show up in all my friends' faces when they check FB later today.

Seeing a body in a coffin will be a problem for many people as they look at FB while they're on the bus, or eating breakfast. Same goes for lots of other things, some of which I listed in my last post. Those aren't just differences in use.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: RingTailedLemur on February 07, 2013, 05:44:02 AM
Let's put it another way.  I know a lot of people (I mean a lot) that are afraid of heights.  Is it rude or unacceptable to put pictures and videos of people that are up high?  Or that show how high it is from their viewpoint?  I get squeemish at the sight of scurring mice.  I hate them and looking at them is disturbing.  I know several people who feel the same way.  Is it rude for people to post pictures of mice without warning me?

I've seen images of dead people on tv without warning.  Whether it's been "fake" like in a movie or a tv show, or even in newspapers/news (we can warnings if the pictures show death, or babies, etc, but not more than that).  I hate seeing those images regardless of the medium, but again, it doesn't matter what I think...or even what a majority of the US thinks.  People taking pictures of the deceased is not uncommon.  There may be a lot of people out there who don't like it, but it's not uncommon.

This technological age has made our private lives much more open.  People can choose to share whatever they want about their private lives, and in turn, we can choose whether or not we want to be shared with.  But, what is not so easy, is protecting ourselves from accidently seeing something that we don't like.  But, really, that's life.  It's no different than me seeing something disturbing IRL, it's just that FB has increased that possibility.  I feel that sometimes we're going to come across things that make us uncomfortable.  That doesn't make it rude.  Shoving a picture in your face and forcing you to look at it is rude.  Posting it their own wall is not.  If your (general) "friend" is consistenly posting things you don't like, then there is a good reason to hide their feed.

I disagree.  The newsfeed is "shoving it in someone's face".  There are ways to stop such pictures appearing on the Timeline and hence newsfeeds.  How would we react if the poster had said, "I was at a party chatting to some friends when suddenly another attendee came up and shoved a picture of her mother in a casket in my face"?

As for, "People taking pictures of the deceased is not uncommon" - maybe we move in very different circles because I have never heard of such a thing happening here.  However, am I right in thinking US funerals have open caskets?  That doesn't happen here, and I find it rather bizarre which might be colouring my perceptions.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Sharnita on February 07, 2013, 06:26:56 AM
Yeah, open caskets are pretty common.  Not everyone does it but it is fequent enough that you are generally not surprised.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: bah12 on February 07, 2013, 08:09:06 AM
How exactly to you (general) expect to be warned that you may see something you don't like on Facebook? Even if someone said "warning! I'm about to post a picture of grandma in her coffin." FB doesn't exactly arrange everything in the right order. If you are so sensitive to certain things that you can't scroll by or hide a news feed without it ruining your day, then maybe the internet (and TV) isn't for you. You need to take some responsibility for yourself...for example if spiders make you sqeemish you need to take steps to either avoid pictures of them, our deal with the fact that spiders exist and you won't be protected from them forever. Same goes with funerals and the deceased. Expecting everyone else to protect you, just sets you up for disappointment.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: RingTailedLemur on February 07, 2013, 08:10:56 AM
How exactly to you (general) expect to be warned that you may see something you don't like on Facebook? Even if someone said "warning! I'm about to post a picture of grandma in her coffin." FB doesn't exactly arrange everything in the right order. If you are so sensitive to certain things that you can't scroll by or hide a news feed without it ruining your day, then maybe the internet (and TV) isn't for you. You need to take some responsibility for yourself...for example if spiders make you sqeemish you need to take steps to either avoid pictures of them, our deal with the fact that spiders exist and you won't be protected from them forever. Same goes with funerals and the deceased. Expecting everyone else to protect you, just sets you up for disappointment.

Strawman.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: CakeEater on February 07, 2013, 03:15:21 PM
How exactly to you (general) expect to be warned that you may see something you don't like on Facebook? Even if someone said "warning! I'm about to post a picture of grandma in her coffin." FB doesn't exactly arrange everything in the right order. If you are so sensitive to certain things that you can't scroll by or hide a news feed without it ruining your day, then maybe the internet (and TV) isn't for you. You need to take some responsibility for yourself...for example if spiders make you sqeemish you need to take steps to either avoid pictures of them, our deal with the fact that spiders exist and you won't be protected from them forever. Same goes with funerals and the deceased. Expecting everyone else to protect you, just sets you up for disappointment.

I don't think a warning is the way to go. I think not posting at all is the way to go. I don't understand the argument that I should just get off the internet completely because I don't want to see what I think is a pretty macabre sight.

 I do take steps to protect myself. I don't choose to go to websites where I'm likely to see a dead body, and I think that FB should be such a place.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: bah12 on February 07, 2013, 03:39:13 PM
How exactly to you (general) expect to be warned that you may see something you don't like on Facebook? Even if someone said "warning! I'm about to post a picture of grandma in her coffin." FB doesn't exactly arrange everything in the right order. If you are so sensitive to certain things that you can't scroll by or hide a news feed without it ruining your day, then maybe the internet (and TV) isn't for you. You need to take some responsibility for yourself...for example if spiders make you sqeemish you need to take steps to either avoid pictures of them, our deal with the fact that spiders exist and you won't be protected from them forever. Same goes with funerals and the deceased. Expecting everyone else to protect you, just sets you up for disappointment.

I don't think a warning is the way to go. I think not posting at all is the way to go. I don't understand the argument that I should just get off the internet completely because I don't want to see what I think is a pretty macabre sight.

 I do take steps to protect myself. I don't choose to go to websites where I'm likely to see a dead body, and I think that FB should be such a place.

Your talking about someone lying in a coffin.  I don't necessarily love seeing pictures like that either, but calling it macabre is a bit much.

And I just don't think that you can blankedly say what is and isn't appropriate for other people to post on their walls.  If it's legal and allowed by the site, then your particular feelings don't matter.  You don't get to dictate what other people choose to share.  All you can do is decide that you don't want to look at it and move past or hide the feed.

For example, I was extremely upset at the news that 20 children were killed just before Christmas at their elementary school.  Like so bothered, it made me cry...a lot.  I was disturbed, upset, and had bad dreams that the same thing would happen to my child.  I would venture to say that I had the strongest reaction to that news than most anything else that didn't directly affect me.  And I know that there was an entire nation of people that reacted the same way.  And where did I first find out about it?  On FB.  Because people were posting the news stories, pictures of crying children, pictures of devestated parents.  I wasn't exactly prepared for any of that when I got online.  But, to go so far as to say that it was rude of my friends to post their thoughts, pictures, etc on their FB page is absurd. 

You might attempt to argue that it isn't the same.  But it is.  It was an unpleasant thing that I didn't enjoy seeing at all.  Definitely more disturbing that a friend's mom lying peacefully in a coffin. 

You don't have to stay off the internet, but really, you do need to accept that life isn't always pleasant and when you are on a website where people are openly sharing their life with others, that those unpleasant things might creep in...to include, the perfectly normal (even if upsetting) practice of taking pictures of deceased and displaying them. 

I've hidden feeds of perfectly good people before because they continuously post things that upset me in some way.  And even if I did agree that it was rude to post a picture of someone in a coffin (which I don't), my advice would be the same.  Ignore it and move on.

**All you's are general***
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Allyson on February 08, 2013, 12:23:59 AM
I think there's a lot of space between 'I never want to see anything on my Facebook that even slightly upsets me and therefore nobody should post anything that might potentially bother someone' and 'People should just accept they will see things they don't like, and I should be able to post whatever I want.'

I feel like even most of those people saying it's acceptable would still have a 'line' where they think people shouldn't be posting it on Facebook, whether that be graphic violence, pornography or what. So if the argument is solely 'It's acceptable to post such-and-such on Facebook because it's their wall', then the 'because it's their wall' part could apply to *anything*. Yes, technically anything I post might possibly offend someone, but I don't think that means that I shouldn't be aware of what is *likely* to be contentious.

I just see it as a little disingenuous to make the comparison of a dead body versus someone who might have a fear of kittens. One is just a lot more likely than the other. Sure, sometimes people misjudge what is likely to be upsetting, and that's an honest mistake. And, sometimes people have unpredictable sensitivities. 
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: violinp on February 08, 2013, 02:33:41 PM
How exactly to you (general) expect to be warned that you may see something you don't like on Facebook? Even if someone said "warning! I'm about to post a picture of grandma in her coffin." FB doesn't exactly arrange everything in the right order. If you are so sensitive to certain things that you can't scroll by or hide a news feed without it ruining your day, then maybe the internet (and TV) isn't for you. You need to take some responsibility for yourself...for example if spiders make you sqeemish you need to take steps to either avoid pictures of them, our deal with the fact that spiders exist and you won't be protected from them forever. Same goes with funerals and the deceased. Expecting everyone else to protect you, just sets you up for disappointment.

I don't think a warning is the way to go. I think not posting at all is the way to go. I don't understand the argument that I should just get off the internet completely because I don't want to see what I think is a pretty macabre sight.

 I do take steps to protect myself. I don't choose to go to websites where I'm likely to see a dead body, and I think that FB should be such a place.

Your talking about someone lying in a coffin.  I don't necessarily love seeing pictures like that either, but calling it macabre is a bit much.

And I just don't think that you can blankedly say what is and isn't appropriate for other people to post on their walls.  If it's legal and allowed by the site, then your particular feelings don't matter.  You don't get to dictate what other people choose to share.  All you can do is decide that you don't want to look at it and move past or hide the feed.

For example, I was extremely upset at the news that 20 children were killed just before Christmas at their elementary school.  Like so bothered, it made me cry...a lot.  I was disturbed, upset, and had bad dreams that the same thing would happen to my child.  I would venture to say that I had the strongest reaction to that news than most anything else that didn't directly affect me.  And I know that there was an entire nation of people that reacted the same way.  And where did I first find out about it?  On FB.  Because people were posting the news stories, pictures of crying children, pictures of devestated parents.  I wasn't exactly prepared for any of that when I got online.  But, to go so far as to say that it was rude of my friends to post their thoughts, pictures, etc on their FB page is absurd. 

You might attempt to argue that it isn't the same.  But it is.  It was an unpleasant thing that I didn't enjoy seeing at all.  Definitely more disturbing that a friend's mom lying peacefully in a coffin. 

You don't have to stay off the internet, but really, you do need to accept that life isn't always pleasant and when you are on a website where people are openly sharing their life with others, that those unpleasant things might creep in...to include, the perfectly normal (even if upsetting) practice of taking pictures of deceased and displaying them. 

I've hidden feeds of perfectly good people before because they continuously post things that upset me in some way.  And even if I did agree that it was rude to post a picture of someone in a coffin (which I don't), my advice would be the same.  Ignore it and move on.

**All you's are general***

Bah, I understand where you're coming from, but a news story about children dying is not the same thing at all as actually seeing a dead body. Both are understandably upsetting, but no one forced people to look at footage of what happened in Newtown, and no one forced anyone watching TV or surfing the Internet to look at the children's dead bodies. Seeing a dead body is far more traumatic than hearing about someone dying.

Also, your advice to ignore it is a bit disingenuous. Once I've seen something disturbing like that, it doesn't go away. Just because you yourself are not bothered by seeing dead bodies doesn't mean other people can't be disturbed by it.

I disagree that taking photos of someone dead is normal in the modern U.S. - I have never seen that done outside of the Victorian era, and it was normally done in that time because people couldn't afford a lot of pictures, so they took a picture of Great - Aunt Muriel when she died so they would have a lasting memory of her for future generations.

Now that people usually can afford to have a picture done of someone alive, it seems in poor taste to take a picture of someone after they've died, when they obviously don't look alive (no one can tell me a dead person doesn't look dead), and post it on the internet for everyone on a friends list to see. I would never want my last or only memory of a person to be them lying in a coffin, usually ravaged by illness and made up to the hilt to give a semblance of life.

If people who have a culture of doing that want to keep taking those pictures, it's no skin off my back. I only ask that people who do take such pictures not force everyone who's friends with them to look at them, without regard for what they might think or feel.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Sharnita on February 08, 2013, 02:49:18 PM
There were pictures of children running form the building, crying that popped up on my newsfeed so it was just as "in your face" as the picture OP happened to see.  And I can tell you that for me, the pictures of kids who had been traumatized like that were far more traumatic for me than a picture of somebody's mother in a casket.

Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: bah12 on February 08, 2013, 02:58:19 PM
Bah, I understand where you're coming from, but a news story about children dying is not the same thing at all as actually seeing a dead body. Both are understandably upsetting, but no one forced people to look at footage of what happened in Newtown, and no one forced anyone watching TV or surfing the Internet to look at the children's dead bodies. Seeing a dead body is far more traumatic than hearing about someone dying.

Also, your advice to ignore it is a bit disingenuous. Once I've seen something disturbing like that, it doesn't go away. Just because you yourself are not bothered by seeing dead bodies doesn't mean other people can't be disturbed by it.

I disagree that taking photos of someone dead is normal in the modern U.S. - I have never seen that done outside of the Victorian era, and it was normally done in that time because people couldn't afford a lot of pictures, so they took a picture of Great - Aunt Muriel when she died so they would have a lasting memory of her for future generations.

Now that people usually can afford to have a picture done of someone alive, it seems in poor taste to take a picture of someone after they've died, when they obviously don't look alive (no one can tell me a dead person doesn't look dead), and post it on the internet for everyone on a friends list to see. I would never want my last or only memory of a person to be them lying in a coffin, usually ravaged by illness and made up to the hilt to give a semblance of life.

If people who have a culture of doing that want to keep taking those pictures, it's no skin off my back. I only ask that people who do take such pictures not force everyone who's friends with them to look at them, without regard for what they might think or feel.

Actually, I don't like seeing pictures of dead people.  At all.  I've stated that several times.  I don't even like going to funerals because of the possibility of seeing someone in a coffin.

But, that doesn't mean that it's rude to post a picture of it on FB.  I know several people who take pictures of those they love while they are in their coffins....though, I admit I haven't seen these on FB.  People on FB are choosing to share their lives and we may not all agree on what part of their lives they choose to share, but it doesn't make it rude. 

If no one forced me to see footage/pictures of Newtown on FB, why is it different for a picture of somoene in a coffin?  They are both pictures we see on newsfeeds that we may not be prepared for.

My point is that it's not rude to post personal things.  It may be rude to tag friends in those pictures, it would definitely be rude to insult someone, but posting uncomfortable things is not rude.  Even if we agreed that taking pictures of deceased at funerals was uncommon, something being uncommon doesn't make it rude.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: violinp on February 08, 2013, 03:03:09 PM
There were pictures of children running form the building, crying that popped up on my newsfeed so it was just as "in your face" as the picture OP happened to see.  And I can tell you that for me, the pictures of kids who had been traumatized like that were far more traumatic for me than a picture of somebody's mother in a casket.

Seeing children crying is upsetting. Heck, seeing anyone cry is upsetting. It's still not the same thing as seeing a dead body, and trying to equate the two does not compute in my mind. Even when someone has died peacefully, it looks wholly unnatural and creepy.

More to the point, wire images of people expressing emotion from a national news story with ramifications that affected many people is not the same thing as one person deciding to put a picture of a dead person where anyone and everyone connected to the poster, however tangentially, could view the body without warning.

As an aside, I thought those pictures at Newtown were in bad taste to be taken as well, and those children should not have had their faces plastered all over the internet for all eternity because they were unlucky enough to be a part of that situation.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Sharnita on February 08, 2013, 03:26:25 PM
There were pictures of children running form the building, crying that popped up on my newsfeed so it was just as "in your face" as the picture OP happened to see.  And I can tell you that for me, the pictures of kids who had been traumatized like that were far more traumatic for me than a picture of somebody's mother in a casket.

Seeing children crying is upsetting. Heck, seeing anyone cry is upsetting. It's still not the same thing as seeing a dead body, and trying to equate the two does not compute in my mind. Even when someone has died peacefully, it looks wholly unnatural and creepy.

More to the point, wire images of people expressing emotion from a national news story with ramifications that affected many people is not the same thing as one person deciding to put a picture of a dead person where anyone and everyone connected to the poster, however tangentially, could view the body without warning.

As an aside, I thought those pictures at Newtown were in bad taste to be taken as well, and those children should not have had their faces plastered all over the internet for all eternity because they were unlucky enough to be a part of that situation.

It isn't the same for you - and that seems to be the standard.  And it wasn't seeing children crying, it was seeing children who were shattered by seeing teachers and classmates injured and/or killed and terrorized by fearing for their own lives.  So I guess in one way I would agree, it is not nearly the same as somebody in a casket.  Like I say, for me the kids are far more upsetting.  And since there ae many different people using different standards assuming your standard/reaction is the appropriate one (or that there is an appropriate one) seems incredibly close minded. 

I don't think there is an obligation to keep either type of picture off of fb to appease either of us.  I don't think there is a need to keep off pictures of cats and kitties for my friend who actually is unsettled by all felines.  Nobody should feel constrained regarding spiders or snakes (or bunnies, giraffes, fish. etc.)
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Bottlecaps on February 08, 2013, 04:30:46 PM
I feel like even most of those people saying it's acceptable would still have a 'line' where they think people shouldn't be posting it on Facebook, whether that be graphic violence, pornography or what. So if the argument is solely 'It's acceptable to post such-and-such on Facebook because it's their wall', then the 'because it's their wall' part could apply to *anything*. Yes, technically anything I post might possibly offend someone, but I don't think that means that I shouldn't be aware of what is *likely* to be contentious.

This. While we have the right to post what we want on our own profile, we should be aware that not everyone wants to see certain things.

One, I know that dead bodies freak a lot of people out. I'm not one of those people, but I'm willing to be considerate of the fact that some people go to great lengths to ensure they don't see a dead body, or at the very least, get upset when they do see one. I wouldn't want to bombard them with a photo of a corpse smashed in between a LOLcat and one of those funny e-cards people post on Facebook.

Two, I think that it's OK to take pictures at a funeral (I know not everyone agrees with that, but that's another story :) ), but to me, those pictures are very private. My grandfather requested that my mother take a few photos of my grandmother at the funeral home. I don't know what his reasoning was, and we never questioned it.  They were taken when it was just a few close family members there, and those pictures are kept tucked away. Even Pappaw knew that while he wanted the pictures, not everybody would want to see them while flipping through a photo album or the like.

Not everyone's going to see it the way I see it though, and I think that when we sign up for social networking sites and the like, we have to accept the risk that there will be things posted on such sites that we don't want to see. I hate, with the burning passion of a thousand suns, seeing pictures of abused animals. It upsets me a great deal, sometimes to the point of tears. However, I see posts like that on Facebook all the time. That's something that I have to accept as a netizen, that I'm not always going to be able to avoid upsetting images and stories, but I will try to be a good netizen and attempt to avoid posting those things that I know many people would possibly be upset by and probably prefer not to see.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: bah12 on February 08, 2013, 04:50:04 PM
Being aware of what might be contentious and being rude to post it aren't the same, IMO.  I think that there is a lot of stuff that's out there that is meant to be upsetting (the abused animals for instance).  The whole point of some of those pictures/ads is to upset people into action.  And as much as I dislike seeing them and they upset me, it's still their (general) right to post them.

I would assume that whoever posted the picture of their mom in her coffin was just documenting that part of their life/experience.  That person may or may not have been thinking "seeing my mom lying in a coffin might upset some of my friends."  Especially considering that their mom lying in the coffin to begin with was probably more upsetting to them than a random picture to someone who wasn't directly affected by the death. It's just like I don't necessarily think that posting pictures of my child may upset friends who are struggling having children of their own or posting a picture of a giant snake I found in my yard may upset someone who has a fear of snakes.  Or saying something about how wonderful my DH could possibly upset someone going through a divorce.

While I get that dead bodies is upsetting to a lot of people (I don't like seeing them either), I don't agree that people should be restrained not to post potentially upsetting things.  My FB is more for me than for anyone else.  Sure, I choose to share it with a few hundren people but that doesn't mean that I'm doing it for them or should have to consider their personal fears and discomforts when I choose to make posts.

Now, there is a huge difference, to me, between FB, and personal interaction.  If I'm spending time with a friend who is upset about infertility for example, I do think it would be pretty incosiderate to make her sit down and go through a photo album of my child.  But to put that same photo album on FB, where she will see it in her newsfeed, not so much.  THe same considerations don't necessarily apply.  If my child and my constant postings about my child upset her enough, she will probably hide my feed.  That's her choice.  (And yes, I realize I'm using an extreme example...but the point is that I don't think there is any absolute of what can and cannot be posted that isn't already illegal or banned by the site).
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: CakeEater on February 08, 2013, 10:54:20 PM
You know, the other thing that I find troubling about this issue is the lack of privacy for the deceased. You're not looking your best, surely, at that point.

So laying aside the issue of whether or not people would be disturbed by viewing them, I wonder if the deceased would have a problem with it? I guess if you knew that the decesaed wouldn't mind these sorts of images being shared with all and sundry, it might be OK.

I wouldn't want photos of me in my coffin showing up in my grand-daughter's basketball team-mate's newsfeed between a photo of someone's puppy and someone else's renovation.


I would assume that whoever posted the picture of their mom in her coffin was just documenting that part of their life/experience.  That person may or may not have been thinking "seeing my mom lying in a coffin might upset some of my friends."  Especially considering that their mom lying in the coffin to begin with was probably more upsetting to them than a random picture to someone who wasn't directly affected by the death. It's just like I don't necessarily think that posting pictures of my child may upset friends who are struggling having children of their own or posting a picture of a giant snake I found in my yard may upset someone who has a fear of snakes.  Or saying something about how wonderful my DH could possibly upset someone going through a divorce.


I don't understand these comparisons. A dead human body is such a different situation than posting a happy thought about your husband. I get that both things can be upsetting for different people, but they're just not the same thing.

I didn't want to see lots of pictures of kids after Newtown either, and I guess I'm lucky that no-one in my friends list posted anything like that. I actually, like you, spent a lot of that weekend upset, and had trouble sleeping just by seeing snippets on the news, and I live on a whole other continent! I would agree with you that those weren't appropriate for FB either.

There's a big variety of acceptable things to post on FB. I get that different people will find different things acceptable. This is something that is on my 'no' list.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Sharnita on February 09, 2013, 07:10:04 AM
The thing is, CakeEater's "no" list does not define the terms of use for fb.  I assume that if you personally feel that strongly about how you look after death and who sees you that way the chances are hight that you might have a closed casket and/or private funeral anyway. But the "I wouldn't want" just tells us waht your family should do after you die (assuming you've made your feelings clear), not what everyone else feels or should do.

Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Giggity on February 09, 2013, 07:29:18 AM
just as it would be rude to post pictures of the hairball my cat deposited on the carpet because it might make my friends feel ill.

See, I don't think that part is rude at all.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: MariaE on February 09, 2013, 10:37:34 AM
just as it would be rude to post pictures of the hairball my cat deposited on the carpet because it might make my friends feel ill.

See, I don't think that part is rude at all.

Yet seeing something like that would be infinitely more disturbing to me than seeing a picture of an open coffin.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: CakeEater on February 09, 2013, 10:04:55 PM
The thing is, CakeEater's "no" list does not define the terms of use for fb.  I assume that if you personally feel that strongly about how you look after death and who sees you that way the chances are hight that you might have a closed casket and/or private funeral anyway. But the "I wouldn't want" just tells us waht your family should do after you die (assuming you've made your feelings clear), not what everyone else feels or should do.

I'm not saying it can, or does. But we're discussing what we consider acceptable.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: White Lotus on February 09, 2013, 10:52:10 PM
I cannot take animal abuse pictures either, and I support rescue organizations anonymously, because I cannot bear to read their mail.  I have blocked people who constantly post animal abuse pictures.  These are live beings, suffering.  I just can't do that.
I have yet to see a dead person photograph on FB, and open coffins are not usual at all in my circles.  I don't think I have ever seen one at a funeral.  I have seen dead people all too many times, however, and as they are not suffering, I find I can cope.  I would find such a posting weird and odd, but not specifically offensive.  It is also not something likely to be repeated.  If someone made a habit of it, though, I think I would find an intent to offend, because this kind of photograph is likely to upset many people, and I would consider blocking.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: squeakers on February 10, 2013, 03:12:42 AM
If FB allows it.. it can not be rude.  No matter what our personal limits are.

I hate abuse photos, clowns, and many other "roll my eyes" photos/statuses/memes.

It could be a plant, a puppy, a kitty or dead Aunt Martha, or an idea that I see on FB.

If FB allows it.. I have to accept it.  That does not mean I have to like it.. or ""like" it.

That means I have absorb it/read it it/ to roll past it.  With or without a comment on it.

Until FB makes a ruling that coffin photos are a "no post"...

Just like FB has made porno "no go"

and breastfeeding photos ;-P

But thong wearing butt photos, boobs with a tiny band-aids and .. well just about any _female_ nudiekee_body until reported pic can be on FB photo and scary guys in thongs or even just shorts, muskcely guys with no clothes on, puppies fawning, dolphins grinning, or letters dancing....

peanut butter without chocolate

caramel without popcorn

religious
political
environmental

toe hair

FB is a forum, nay.. a  world with etiquette rules of its own.

Some I get.. some make me HUH? and some I have to ask my kids about because it (internet culture) has already zoomed passed me.


Until FB says "nope" before/after I post something (and I get reprimanded for posting it).. it can't be rude in that environment. It can be annoying, scary, uncouth, "wrong", misogynistic, feminist, racist, "political stance A", political stance B"  religious stance A, religious stance B" and so on so on so on so on etc.

But not rude.... because rude is what one perceives according to ones social constructs. And FB is such a rainbow of constructs,
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: RingTailedLemur on February 10, 2013, 04:29:00 AM
Squeakers, I disagree wholeheartedly.

Facebook allows a whole bunch of things that we here have decided are rude.

Society also "allows" a lot of things which we here have decided are, nonetheless, rude.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Amava on February 10, 2013, 10:42:56 AM
Facebook is not a world with etiquette rules of its own.
Facebook is merely an online tool for real life people to keep contact with each other.
It is a part of society, not a society of its own.

Facebook rules have nothing whatsoever to do with etiquette. They are restrictions imposed to keep Facebook safe / legal, not to keep Facebook polite.

Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: JeanFromBNA on February 10, 2013, 02:19:26 PM
You know, the other thing that I find troubling about this issue is the lack of privacy for the deceased. You're not looking your best, surely, at that point.

So laying aside the issue of whether or not people would be disturbed by viewing them, I wonder if the deceased would have a problem with it? I guess if you knew that the deceased wouldn't mind these sorts of images being shared with all and sundry, it might be OK.

I wouldn't want photos of me in my coffin showing up in my granddaughter's basketball teammate's newsfeed between a photo of someones puppy and someone Else's renovation.

CakeEater, I think these paragraphs summed up what bothered me the most.  It wasn't presented in a respectful context when it appeared on my newsfeed (how could it be?).  And am I supposed to "like" the picture? :-X  I don't think that Friend was purposely irreverent.  In her case, I would guess that she believes that death is a part of life.  But it should be accorded some dignity, IMO.

I'm not squeamish about coffins or corpses and don't flinch at funerals, so although the picture was startling, the macabre aspects bothered me much less than what felt like the lack of consideration for privacy and respect.  I told DH that if he ever does that to me, he's next.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: bah12 on February 11, 2013, 09:49:21 AM
I think we have to assume that the picture didn't violate the wishes of the deceased. The person who's mother was in the picture would know more about her wishes than any of us would.  That's not what this thread is about.  If this were an issue of not respecting postmortem wishes and/or not considering what the deceased would have or would not have been ok with during life, it would be an entirely different conversation.

My basic problem with the assertion that this picture is not ok is that it seems that some are saying "This picture is disturbing to me, therefore it is universally disturbing, and blanketly wrong to post it on FB."  Yet, there are whole cultures of people who take these pictures regularly.  (Even if you don't know them and that's not the case in your circle.)

I think the biggest differential here is how people view FB.  While I don't necessarily agree that FB has an etiquette standard all it's own, I don't liken it to being out in public.  If we have to make an analogy between it and real life, I would say FB is like your home.  And I believe that in our homes we have a lot more freedom of what we choose to hang on the walls, etc, than say a public building or our work office.  We have greater freedoms of what we discuss at home than maybe what we would discuss at work.  We also choose who to invite into our homes and those we invite choose whether or not to accept the invitation and whether or not to ever come back.  There is a wide variety of what people consider appropriate and not inside their own homes, even on this board, but it doesn't make any one of them wrong.  What is wrong is telling someone else what they can/can't display in their homes.

I wouldn't invite someone to my house and then insult them personally...just like I wouldn't purposely insult one of my FB friends on FB.  But, I will speak to and display my religious beliefs freely regardless of what others say and if I were the type of person to take pictures of open caskests (and I'm not), then I would do that in my home as I see fit.

What FB isn't like, is going out in public, grabbing someone by the arm and forcing them to look at pictures after they expressly said they didn't want to.  When you (general) choose to use FB, you are basically accepting a peek into someone's personal life...and what part of their personal life they choose to share with you also varies widely.  But, you do so taking the risk that you may see something you don't like.  It's part of life.  Etiquette guides us into attempting to be considerate of others and it also guides our own behavior when we are faced with less than pleasant things.  But, IMO, etiquette does not set up a black and white list of what people should and should not be bothered by, nor does it protect you (again general) from never being offended or disturbed.

ETA: I want to clarify that I do not think it was innappropriate or wrong of anyone to post about the Newtown school shootings.  That's my point.  Even though that event disturbed me more than anything else that didn't directly affect me, and disturbed pretty much everyone I know, I still don't think it was inappropriate for people to choose to post pictures, stories. or opinions about it on FB. 

Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: MariaE on February 11, 2013, 10:31:56 AM
I completely agree, bah :)
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Sharnita on February 11, 2013, 12:43:50 PM
Bah, I agree as well
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Tabby Uprising on February 11, 2013, 12:51:16 PM
Just piping in to say I agree wholeheartedly with your philosophy on this, Bah.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: DottyG on February 11, 2013, 12:52:56 PM
Jumping on the Bah bandwagon.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: MERUNCC13 on February 11, 2013, 10:29:01 PM
After just getting over the funeral of my mom (actually step but I was closer to her than my real mother!)  I am of the opinion that a picture of someone in their coffin on someone's Fb timeline is just in bad taste.  Now before my fellow e-hellions get on my case, please hear me out.  If someone gets permission from the family to take a picture to give to someone who could not make the funeral that is one thing, but to just take one just to post it on their timeline is the height of tackiness. 

Now it just so happens that we do have a picture of my husband's grand mom in her coffin, taken in 1966, when it just a little more acceptable to do that.  Plus, it shows her church in the early days after the current sanctuary was built.  Thank God we don't have any more of them!
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Hmmmmm on February 12, 2013, 10:24:13 AM
snip
I think the biggest differential here is how people view FB.  While I don't necessarily agree that FB has an etiquette standard all it's own, I don't liken it to being out in public.  If we have to make an analogy between it and real life, I would say FB is like your home.  And I believe that in our homes we have a lot more freedom of what we choose to hang on the walls, etc, than say a public building or our work office.  We have greater freedoms of what we discuss at home than maybe what we would discuss at work.  We also choose who to invite into our homes and those we invite choose whether or not to accept the invitation and whether or not to ever come back.  There is a wide variety of what people consider appropriate and not inside their own homes, even on this board, but it doesn't make any one of them wrong.  What is wrong is telling someone else what they can/can't display in their homes.

I wouldn't invite someone to my house and then insult them personally...just like I wouldn't purposely insult one of my FB friends on FB.  But, I will speak to and display my religious beliefs freely regardless of what others say and if I were the type of person to take pictures of open caskests (and I'm not), then I would do that in my home as I see fit.

What FB isn't like, is going out in public, grabbing someone by the arm and forcing them to look at pictures after they expressly said they didn't want to.  When you (general) choose to use FB, you are basically accepting a peek into someone's personal life...and what part of their personal life they choose to share with you also varies widely.  But, you do so taking the risk that you may see something you don't like.  It's part of life.  Etiquette guides us into attempting to be considerate of others and it also guides our own behavior when we are faced with less than pleasant things.  But, IMO, etiquette does not set up a black and white list of what people should and should not be bothered by, nor does it protect you (again general) from never being offended or disturbed.

Snip

I agree with everything Bah has said except that I think facebook isn't as private as a home.  It is more like what your front yard or maybe even your home with the windows wide open and all the lights on. You have rights to post/plant/display just about anything you want on your property or your Facebook page.  But with Facebook, because of the newsfeed option, it is sending out to your friends the contents of your page. Unlike your home where the only way I might see a disturbing photo is to accept and invitation to visit and make the decision to enter your home.  If Facebook did not do the newsfeed option and instead required people to "go visit" a person's home page to see their content, then I would agree that it would be exactly like the analogy of someone's home. 
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: bah12 on February 12, 2013, 11:50:10 AM
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend). 
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Onyx_TKD on February 12, 2013, 12:38:45 PM
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend).

I agree. Facebook has settings to control whether you want a particular person's posts to show on your newsfeed. If you friend someone and leave the settings to show their posts on your newsfeed, it's kind of like they put up a webcam in their house and you chose to have the live feed on your homepage. They are acting in their own "home" and have invited you to watch whatever they share in front of the webcam whenever you like. By friending them and having their posts appear on your newsfeed, you have implicitly said that you want to view whatever they choose to share any time you log on to facebook. If you would rather remain friends and only see into their "home" when you actually go "visiting" in person, then facebook gives you that option--you just have to tell facebook you don't want that person's posts on your newsfeed and you'll only see them when you go to that person's own facebook page.

For an example of exactly that sort of watch-the-webcam-at-your-own-risk scenario:
There's another thread on eHell about a live webcam of a litter of kittens being fostered until adoption. Apparently, some viewers have complained about having seen kitten poop, vomit, etc., on the feed, to the point that the guy running it had to make a post saying not to watch if those things bother you, because that's just what life with young kittens is like. If you choose to make the kitten-cam your homepage, then you may seem some unpleasant aspects of kitten life without warning when you open your browser. It's your responsibility to decide how and when you want to access that sort of live-feed, or if you want to do access at all.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: RingTailedLemur on February 12, 2013, 12:42:59 PM
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend).

I agree. Facebook has settings to control whether you want a particular person's posts to show on your newsfeed. If you friend someone and leave the settings to show their posts on your newsfeed, it's kind of like they put up a webcam in their house and you chose to have the live feed on your homepage. They are acting in their own "home" and have invited you to watch whatever they share in front of the webcam whenever you like. By friending them and having their posts appear on your newsfeed, you have implicitly said that you want to view whatever they choose to share any time you log on to facebook. If you would rather remain friends and only see into their "home" when you actually go "visiting" in person, then facebook gives you that option--you just have to tell facebook you don't want that person's posts on your newsfeed and you'll only see them when you go to that person's own facebook page.

For an example of exactly that sort of watch-the-webcam-at-your-own-risk scenario:
There's another thread on eHell about a live webcam of a litter of kittens being fostered until adoption. Apparently, some viewers have complained about having seen kitten poop, vomit, etc., on the feed, to the point that the guy running it had to make a post saying not to watch if those things bother you, because that's just what life with young kittens is like. If you choose to make the kitten-cam your homepage, then you may seem some unpleasant aspects of kitten life without warning when you open your browser. It's your responsibility to decide how and when you want to access that sort of live-feed, or if you want to do access at all.

No, it's not the same.  As a reasonable person I would expect to see poop when there are animals.  I would be absolutely stunned that someone had taken pictures of a cadaver (and posted them to FB!!!) because it is so far outisde my experience.  I don't think I should expect it.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: DottyG on February 12, 2013, 12:44:30 PM
There's a webcam like this?!  Where?!  I want to see it.  :)
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: RingTailedLemur on February 12, 2013, 12:51:16 PM
There's a webcam like this?!  Where?!  I want to see it.  :)

I assume you mean kittens, not coffin pics...  ;)

Here: http://new.livestream.com/FosterKittenCam/RipleysKittens
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Onyx_TKD on February 12, 2013, 01:14:01 PM
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend).

I agree. Facebook has settings to control whether you want a particular person's posts to show on your newsfeed. If you friend someone and leave the settings to show their posts on your newsfeed, it's kind of like they put up a webcam in their house and you chose to have the live feed on your homepage. They are acting in their own "home" and have invited you to watch whatever they share in front of the webcam whenever you like. By friending them and having their posts appear on your newsfeed, you have implicitly said that you want to view whatever they choose to share any time you log on to facebook. If you would rather remain friends and only see into their "home" when you actually go "visiting" in person, then facebook gives you that option--you just have to tell facebook you don't want that person's posts on your newsfeed and you'll only see them when you go to that person's own facebook page.

For an example of exactly that sort of watch-the-webcam-at-your-own-risk scenario:
There's another thread on eHell about a live webcam of a litter of kittens being fostered until adoption. Apparently, some viewers have complained about having seen kitten poop, vomit, etc., on the feed, to the point that the guy running it had to make a post saying not to watch if those things bother you, because that's just what life with young kittens is like. If you choose to make the kitten-cam your homepage, then you may seem some unpleasant aspects of kitten life without warning when you open your browser. It's your responsibility to decide how and when you want to access that sort of live-feed, or if you want to do access at all.

No, it's not the same.  As a reasonable person I would expect to see poop when there are animals.  I would be absolutely stunned that someone had taken pictures of a cadaver (and posted them to FB!!!) because it is so far outisde my experience.  I don't think I should expect it.

Do you disagree with my analogy that including someone in your facebook newsfeed is similar to viewing someone's webcam, or are you disagreeing only that my specific example is comparable to the OP?

The point of my post was not that kitten poop and people in coffins are equivalent. They're obviously two very different things. My point was that including someone on your facebook newsfeed, like viewing someone's live webcam, is accepting their invitation to view what they choose to share in their own space. In the case of the facebook newsfeed, this is an ongoing invitation/acceptance rather than one you proactively accept each and every time--similar to putting a webcam feed on your homepage, instead of specifically typing in the web address or clicking a link when you want to see it. Accepting the invitation to view everything someone else chooses to share, whether that takes the form of including them in your facebook newsfeed, viewing the live feed from their webcam, visiting their blog, etc., carries a risk of seeing things you don't want to see and/or things you did not expect to see. The fact that you saw something you did not want to see does not necessarily mean that the person who posted it was wrong, whether it's poop or an open coffin. Seeing certain things may make you decide that you no longer want to follow them, or make you decide that you don't want to be friends, or even that you don't want to associate with that person at all. That still doesn't mean it was necessarily wrong for them to have posted it.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: RingTailedLemur on February 12, 2013, 01:19:01 PM
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend).

I agree. Facebook has settings to control whether you want a particular person's posts to show on your newsfeed. If you friend someone and leave the settings to show their posts on your newsfeed, it's kind of like they put up a webcam in their house and you chose to have the live feed on your homepage. They are acting in their own "home" and have invited you to watch whatever they share in front of the webcam whenever you like. By friending them and having their posts appear on your newsfeed, you have implicitly said that you want to view whatever they choose to share any time you log on to facebook. If you would rather remain friends and only see into their "home" when you actually go "visiting" in person, then facebook gives you that option--you just have to tell facebook you don't want that person's posts on your newsfeed and you'll only see them when you go to that person's own facebook page.

For an example of exactly that sort of watch-the-webcam-at-your-own-risk scenario:
There's another thread on eHell about a live webcam of a litter of kittens being fostered until adoption. Apparently, some viewers have complained about having seen kitten poop, vomit, etc., on the feed, to the point that the guy running it had to make a post saying not to watch if those things bother you, because that's just what life with young kittens is like. If you choose to make the kitten-cam your homepage, then you may seem some unpleasant aspects of kitten life without warning when you open your browser. It's your responsibility to decide how and when you want to access that sort of live-feed, or if you want to do access at all.

No, it's not the same.  As a reasonable person I would expect to see poop when there are animals.  I would be absolutely stunned that someone had taken pictures of a cadaver (and posted them to FB!!!) because it is so far outisde my experience.  I don't think I should expect it.

Do you disagree with my analogy that including someone in your facebook newsfeed is similar to viewing someone's webcam, or are you disagreeing only that my specific example is comparable to the OP?

I disagree with the specific example.


Quote
The point of my post was not that kitten poop and people in coffins are equivalent. They're obviously two very different things. My point was that including someone on your facebook newsfeed, like viewing someone's live webcam, is accepting their invitation to view what they choose to share in their own space. In the case of the facebook newsfeed, this is an ongoing invitation/acceptance rather than one you proactively accept each and every time--similar to putting a webcam feed on your homepage, instead of specifically typing in the web address or clicking a link when you want to see it. Accepting the invitation to view everything someone else chooses to share, whether that takes the form of including them in your facebook newsfeed, viewing the live feed from their webcam, visiting their blog, etc., carries a risk of seeing things you don't want to see and/or things you did not expect to see. The fact that you saw something you did not want to see does not necessarily mean that the person who posted it was wrong, whether it's poop or an open coffin. Seeing certain things may make you decide that you no longer want to follow them, or make you decide that you don't want to be friends, or even that you don't want to associate with that person at all. That still doesn't mean it was necessarily wrong for them to have posted it.

Except I include people in my newsfeed that I assume will behave in a "reasonable" way.  In my opinion, photos of dead relatives in coffins is utterly bizarre and so far beyond what I consider "normal" that I would be shocked.  It's not my fault I am offended by something so offensive.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Onyx_TKD on February 12, 2013, 02:59:55 PM
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend).

I agree. Facebook has settings to control whether you want a particular person's posts to show on your newsfeed. If you friend someone and leave the settings to show their posts on your newsfeed, it's kind of like they put up a webcam in their house and you chose to have the live feed on your homepage. They are acting in their own "home" and have invited you to watch whatever they share in front of the webcam whenever you like. By friending them and having their posts appear on your newsfeed, you have implicitly said that you want to view whatever they choose to share any time you log on to facebook. If you would rather remain friends and only see into their "home" when you actually go "visiting" in person, then facebook gives you that option--you just have to tell facebook you don't want that person's posts on your newsfeed and you'll only see them when you go to that person's own facebook page.

For an example of exactly that sort of watch-the-webcam-at-your-own-risk scenario:
There's another thread on eHell about a live webcam of a litter of kittens being fostered until adoption. Apparently, some viewers have complained about having seen kitten poop, vomit, etc., on the feed, to the point that the guy running it had to make a post saying not to watch if those things bother you, because that's just what life with young kittens is like. If you choose to make the kitten-cam your homepage, then you may seem some unpleasant aspects of kitten life without warning when you open your browser. It's your responsibility to decide how and when you want to access that sort of live-feed, or if you want to do access at all.

No, it's not the same.  As a reasonable person I would expect to see poop when there are animals.  I would be absolutely stunned that someone had taken pictures of a cadaver (and posted them to FB!!!) because it is so far outisde my experience.  I don't think I should expect it.

Do you disagree with my analogy that including someone in your facebook newsfeed is similar to viewing someone's webcam, or are you disagreeing only that my specific example is comparable to the OP?

I disage with the specific example.


Quote
The point of my post was not that kitten poop and people in coffins are equivalent. They're obviously two very different things. My point was that including someone on your facebook newsfeed, like viewing someone's live webcam, is accepting their invitation to view what they choose to share in their own space. In the case of the facebook newsfeed, this is an ongoing invitation/acceptance rather than one you proactively accept each and every time--similar to putting a webcam feed on your homepage, instead of specifically typing in the web address or clicking a link when you want to see it. Accepting the invitation to view everything someone else chooses to share, whether that takes the form of including them in your facebook newsfeed, viewing the live feed from their webcam, visiting their blog, etc., carries a risk of seeing things you don't want to see and/or things you did not expect to see. The fact that you saw something you did not want to see does not necessarily mean that the person who posted it was wrong, whether it's poop or an open coffin. Seeing certain things may make you decide that you no longer want to follow them, or make you decide that you don't want to be friends, or even that you don't want to associate with that person at all. That still doesn't mean it was necessarily wrong for them to have posted it.

Except I include people in my newsfeed that I assume will behave in a "reasonable" way.  In my opinion, photos of dead relatives in coffins is utterly bizarre and so far beyond what I consider "normal" that I would be shocked.  It's not my fault I am offended by something so offensive.

It is not your fault that you are offended. But nor is it the fault of your friends that you misjudged what they find reasonable and normal. You assumed that they shared your opinions on what is reasonable and normal and inoffensive. If they post photos of open coffins, then your assumption was wrong. It's unfortunate, but that doesn't make it their fault. I doubt that the people posting photos of their relatives' open coffins would agree with you that these photos are inherently "so offensive." When they friended you, they likely assumed that you shared their definition reasonable and normal and inoffensive as well. If so, they misjudged you just as you misjudged them. Misjudgement all around--why is their misjudgement more wrong than yours?
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Hmmmmm on February 12, 2013, 03:27:37 PM
Staying with the webcam analogy, knowing that people are viewing my activities via a webcam would make me try and not do something that would offend the majority of people that I have invited to watch my homebased activities.  If I've allowed them to watch me at any time, then I feel some responsibility to behave in a certain way.  Yes, they can turn off the webcam if they feel offended.  But if I've invited them to be a voyeur in my life, why would I choose to do something that would make many feel uncomfortable. Like I would make sure that my bathroom door was closed because most people would not want to see what occurs behind that door.

With this OP, I don't know if sharing photos of of deceased people is common in her background.  I do know that in my experience and background, photos of deceased are not common.  Newspapers and news programs have historically tried to always avoid showing photos of deceased individuals. So I would be startled to come upon a photo on my newsfeed of a person's family member in a casket and I would wonder about why they chose to share that with all of their friends on facebook. It would feel very out of the norm for me. It wouldn't cause me distress because I've seen way too many people in confins. But just very odd and out of the norm of my expectations.

(As a side note, I remember when my father's mother passed away.  One of his brother's was unable to attend the funeral and Dad took a photo of his mom in the casket to send to his brother to show him how peaceful she looked at rest. Dad kept a copy of the photo but it wasn't put in our family photo album because it would have seen out of place amongst the holiday, vacation, and birthday photos. So maybe that exprience is what is coloring my view of this.)
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: RingTailedLemur on February 12, 2013, 04:36:22 PM
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend).

I agree. Facebook has settings to control whether you want a particular person's posts to show on your newsfeed. If you friend someone and leave the settings to show their posts on your newsfeed, it's kind of like they put up a webcam in their house and you chose to have the live feed on your homepage. They are acting in their own "home" and have invited you to watch whatever they share in front of the webcam whenever you like. By friending them and having their posts appear on your newsfeed, you have implicitly said that you want to view whatever they choose to share any time you log on to facebook. If you would rather remain friends and only see into their "home" when you actually go "visiting" in person, then facebook gives you that option--you just have to tell facebook you don't want that person's posts on your newsfeed and you'll only see them when you go to that person's own facebook page.

For an example of exactly that sort of watch-the-webcam-at-your-own-risk scenario:
There's another thread on eHell about a live webcam of a litter of kittens being fostered until adoption. Apparently, some viewers have complained about having seen kitten poop, vomit, etc., on the feed, to the point that the guy running it had to make a post saying not to watch if those things bother you, because that's just what life with young kittens is like. If you choose to make the kitten-cam your homepage, then you may seem some unpleasant aspects of kitten life without warning when you open your browser. It's your responsibility to decide how and when you want to access that sort of live-feed, or if you want to do access at all.

No, it's not the same.  As a reasonable person I would expect to see poop when there are animals.  I would be absolutely stunned that someone had taken pictures of a cadaver (and posted them to FB!!!) because it is so far outisde my experience.  I don't think I should expect it.

Do you disagree with my analogy that including someone in your facebook newsfeed is similar to viewing someone's webcam, or are you disagreeing only that my specific example is comparable to the OP?

I disage with the specific example.


Quote
The point of my post was not that kitten poop and people in coffins are equivalent. They're obviously two very different things. My point was that including someone on your facebook newsfeed, like viewing someone's live webcam, is accepting their invitation to view what they choose to share in their own space. In the case of the facebook newsfeed, this is an ongoing invitation/acceptance rather than one you proactively accept each and every time--similar to putting a webcam feed on your homepage, instead of specifically typing in the web address or clicking a link when you want to see it. Accepting the invitation to view everything someone else chooses to share, whether that takes the form of including them in your facebook newsfeed, viewing the live feed from their webcam, visiting their blog, etc., carries a risk of seeing things you don't want to see and/or things you did not expect to see. The fact that you saw something you did not want to see does not necessarily mean that the person who posted it was wrong, whether it's poop or an open coffin. Seeing certain things may make you decide that you no longer want to follow them, or make you decide that you don't want to be friends, or even that you don't want to associate with that person at all. That still doesn't mean it was necessarily wrong for them to have posted it.

Except I include people in my newsfeed that I assume will behave in a "reasonable" way.  In my opinion, photos of dead relatives in coffins is utterly bizarre and so far beyond what I consider "normal" that I would be shocked.  It's not my fault I am offended by something so offensive.

It is not your fault that you are offended. But nor is it the fault of your friends that you misjudged what they find reasonable and normal. You assumed that they shared your opinions on what is reasonable and normal and inoffensive. If they post photos of open coffins, then your assumption was wrong. It's unfortunate, but that doesn't make it their fault. I doubt that the people posting photos of their relatives' open coffins would agree with you that these photos are inherently "so offensive." When they friended you, they likely assumed that you shared their definition reasonable and normal and inoffensive as well. If so, they misjudged you just as you misjudged them. Misjudgement all around--why is their misjudgement more wrong than yours?

As I have repeatedly said, I come from a culture where open coffins at funerals just don't happen.  Viewings, except perhaps by the spouse, do not happen.  I have never seen a body, for that reason.  Therefore it is reasonable that a photograph of one would be seen as beyond the pale.

The only "assumption" I have made is that my friends are from the same cultural background as me - and that isn't an assumption.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: bah12 on February 12, 2013, 05:32:42 PM
As I have repeatedly said, I come from a culture where open coffins at funerals just don't happen.  Viewings, except perhaps by the spouse, do not happen.  I have never seen a body, for that reason.  Therefore it is reasonable that a photograph of one would be seen as beyond the pale.

The only "assumption" I have made is that my friends are from the same cultural background as me - and that isn't an assumption.

In this case, I don't see how you would possibly run into this particular situation (seeing a picture of an open casket).  But, that doesn't mean that anyone who does post such a picture (like the OP's friend) is wrong or rude.  It just means that they are different from you and your friends.  And if one of your friends did happen to post such a picture, it still doesn't necessarily make them wrong or rude.  It makes your assumption (the one where you believe that everyone you know thinks, behaves, and has the same feelings on what is and isn't offensive and appropriate as you) incorrect. 

Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Onyx_TKD on February 12, 2013, 05:37:39 PM
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend).

I agree. Facebook has settings to control whether you want a particular person's posts to show on your newsfeed. If you friend someone and leave the settings to show their posts on your newsfeed, it's kind of like they put up a webcam in their house and you chose to have the live feed on your homepage. They are acting in their own "home" and have invited you to watch whatever they share in front of the webcam whenever you like. By friending them and having their posts appear on your newsfeed, you have implicitly said that you want to view whatever they choose to share any time you log on to facebook. If you would rather remain friends and only see into their "home" when you actually go "visiting" in person, then facebook gives you that option--you just have to tell facebook you don't want that person's posts on your newsfeed and you'll only see them when you go to that person's own facebook page.

For an example of exactly that sort of watch-the-webcam-at-your-own-risk scenario:
There's another thread on eHell about a live webcam of a litter of kittens being fostered until adoption. Apparently, some viewers have complained about having seen kitten poop, vomit, etc., on the feed, to the point that the guy running it had to make a post saying not to watch if those things bother you, because that's just what life with young kittens is like. If you choose to make the kitten-cam your homepage, then you may seem some unpleasant aspects of kitten life without warning when you open your browser. It's your responsibility to decide how and when you want to access that sort of live-feed, or if you want to do access at all.

No, it's not the same.  As a reasonable person I would expect to see poop when there are animals.  I would be absolutely stunned that someone had taken pictures of a cadaver (and posted them to FB!!!) because it is so far outisde my experience.  I don't think I should expect it.

Do you disagree with my analogy that including someone in your facebook newsfeed is similar to viewing someone's webcam, or are you disagreeing only that my specific example is comparable to the OP?

I disage with the specific example.


Quote
The point of my post was not that kitten poop and people in coffins are equivalent. They're obviously two very different things. My point was that including someone on your facebook newsfeed, like viewing someone's live webcam, is accepting their invitation to view what they choose to share in their own space. In the case of the facebook newsfeed, this is an ongoing invitation/acceptance rather than one you proactively accept each and every time--similar to putting a webcam feed on your homepage, instead of specifically typing in the web address or clicking a link when you want to see it. Accepting the invitation to view everything someone else chooses to share, whether that takes the form of including them in your facebook newsfeed, viewing the live feed from their webcam, visiting their blog, etc., carries a risk of seeing things you don't want to see and/or things you did not expect to see. The fact that you saw something you did not want to see does not necessarily mean that the person who posted it was wrong, whether it's poop or an open coffin. Seeing certain things may make you decide that you no longer want to follow them, or make you decide that you don't want to be friends, or even that you don't want to associate with that person at all. That still doesn't mean it was necessarily wrong for them to have posted it.

Except I include people in my newsfeed that I assume will behave in a "reasonable" way.  In my opinion, photos of dead relatives in coffins is utterly bizarre and so far beyond what I consider "normal" that I would be shocked.  It's not my fault I am offended by something so offensive.

It is not your fault that you are offended. But nor is it the fault of your friends that you misjudged what they find reasonable and normal. You assumed that they shared your opinions on what is reasonable and normal and inoffensive. If they post photos of open coffins, then your assumption was wrong. It's unfortunate, but that doesn't make it their fault. I doubt that the people posting photos of their relatives' open coffins would agree with you that these photos are inherently "so offensive." When they friended you, they likely assumed that you shared their definition reasonable and normal and inoffensive as well. If so, they misjudged you just as you misjudged them. Misjudgement all around--why is their misjudgement more wrong than yours?

As I have repeatedly said, I come from a culture where open coffins at funerals just don't happen.  Viewings, except perhaps by the spouse, do not happen.  I have never seen a body, for that reason.  Therefore it is reasonable that a photograph of one would be seen as beyond the pale.

The only "assumption" I have made is that my friends are from the same cultural background as me - and that isn't an assumption.

OK, I'm confused. I promise I am not trying to be snarky, but I'm starting to think we're each debating a slightly different question here, so I'm going to try to clarify.

I am under the impression that you consider it rude in general to post a photo like the one described in the OP on facebook. Is that correct or am I misinterpreting you?

You said before: "I include people in my newsfeed that I assume will behave in a "reasonable" way." This is why I used the word assumption in my response. You know your friends come from the same culture as you do. You seem pretty certain that showing photos of the deceased is not common in any part of your culture. I believe you. I am not arguing otherwise. You assume (using your own word) that your facebook friends, who you know share your culture, also share your views that photos of the deceased are not acceptable to show publicly. If none of your own friends have posted such photos, then I see no reason to think that your assumption is wrong. However, the OP seemed to assume the same about her friends. The fact that one of those friends posted the photo suggests that this assumption was wrong, unless the friend is known for posting things for their shock value.

If, hypothetically, someone from a culture where it was common to take and share photos of the deceased posted such a photo on facebook, would you consider it rude? Would it still be rude if everyone on that person's friends list was from the same culture? If that person had a facebook friend from another culture, but honestly assumed that their friends shared their view that these photos were normal, would it be rude? If so, then why would that be different than you assuming the same?
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: ladyknight1 on February 12, 2013, 06:04:32 PM
It would bother me, and I have a collection of Victorian postmortems, so I'm not super-squeamish. But on a site like FB? I wouldn't like it.

I am also a Victorian postmortem photography collector. However, I do not like open casket funerals.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: DottyG on February 12, 2013, 06:25:10 PM
Quote
I assume you mean kittens, not coffin pics...

Well, yeah.  Watching a live feed of a coffin would be pretty boring! :D  Although, maybe I'd get to see some kind of zombie rising or something interesting.

Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: RingTailedLemur on February 13, 2013, 01:19:03 AM
To go honest I don't even know the answers to posts #88 and #89 because just isn't something I ever thought anyone would think was okay.  It just seems so bizarre.

It just seems really rude and wrong to me.  You don't have to agree with me and I don't have to agree with you.  That's okay, I think we will just have to agree to disagree and I will just have to hope my US-based FB friends don't post pictures of open caskets on their pages.  *shrug*
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Sharnita on February 13, 2013, 06:12:33 AM
It kind of shocks me that it seems all that shocking.  I mean, Lenin's body was on diplay for how many decades?  And millions and millions of visitors have dleiberately viewed it?  I doubt they were all or een mostly American.  I don't think this is quite s exclusively American as you are telling yourself it is.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: RingTailedLemur on February 13, 2013, 06:14:44 AM
I have only heard of it happening in the US.  Please do not presume to tell me what I am "telling myself".  I think it is distasteful and odd (including the Lenin thing), other people don't.  Fine.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Sharnita on February 13, 2013, 06:18:45 AM
I have only heard of it happening in the US.  Please do not presume to tell me what I am "telling myself".  I think it is distasteful and odd (including the Lenin thing), other people don't.  Fine.

The thing is - millions and millions of people have disagreed over many decades.  Considering that during some of that time American visitors to see Lenin were nonexistant (and the fact that it wasn't Americans who had Lenin displayed in the first place) your premise that it is an American thing and that it is a standard that you can count on just about everybody to share seems somewhat faulty.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: RingTailedLemur on February 13, 2013, 06:35:13 AM
I have only heard of it happening in the US.  Please do not presume to tell me what I am "telling myself".  I think it is distasteful and odd (including the Lenin thing), other people don't.  Fine.

The thing is - millions and millions of people have disagreed over many decades.  Considering that during some of that time American visitors to see Lenin were nonexistant (and the fact that it wasn't Americans who had Lenin displayed in the first place) your premise that it is an American thing and that it is a standard that you can count on just about everybody to share seems somewhat faulty.

I feel like you are attacking me for reporting my own experience.

I never said it was an exclusively American thing, but that I have only heard of it happening in America.

I am not saying I have standards I expect everyone to share.  I am saying how I feel.  The OP asked for opinions on the matter and I gave mine, but it feels like I am now not allowed to.  I have repeatedly said I don't expect others to agree with my opinion.

If other people think posting funeral pictures are okay, then fine.  I don't.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Amava on February 13, 2013, 06:48:30 AM
Though I personally don't have a problem with it, it is certainly something /foreign/ to me as well.
Open casket funerals are not common here, either. (Belgium)
Also we don't embalm. I was rather shocked myself when a while ago I read somewhere on the internet that "not embalming bodies" was seen as quite disgusting and foreign by /others/!
Cultural differences are fun.  :D I could go on about them. But that would be beyond the scope of this thread.

I do remember when I was little, my best friends mother took pics of a deceased uncle during visitation. That was rather uncommon but friend's mother worked in photography.
There existed no Facebook yet then, so I don't know whether she would post such pictures on her timeline if that happened now.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Hmmmmm on February 13, 2013, 09:42:29 AM
I have only heard of it happening in the US.  Please do not presume to tell me what I am "telling myself".  I think it is distasteful and odd (including the Lenin thing), other people don't.  Fine.

The thing is - millions and millions of people have disagreed over many decades.  Considering that during some of that time American visitors to see Lenin were nonexistant (and the fact that it wasn't Americans who had Lenin displayed in the first place) your premise that it is an American thing and that it is a standard that you can count on just about everybody to share seems somewhat faulty.

I feel like you are attacking me for reporting my own experience.

I never said it was an exclusively American thing, but that I have only heard of it happening in America.

I am not saying I have standards I expect everyone to share.  I am saying how I feel.  The OP asked for opinions on the matter and I gave mine, but it feels like I am now not allowed to.  I have repeatedly said I don't expect others to agree with my opinion.

If other people think posting funeral pictures are okay, then fine.  I don't.

Ringtail, I agree that it does seem like you are being attacked for your opinion.  As a US citizen, I have been to many, many open casket funerals. Out of the 20 plus funerals I've attended, only 1 was closed casket. But even then, it is up to the person attending whether they want to go up and view the deceased. In my personal experience of dealing with the death of family members over the last 40 years, I have only ever seen one photo taken of a deceased person in a coffin. I'm sure it is more common than that, but I would have been my assumption that they'd only be shared with very close relatives or friends.

Seeing a photo in my newsfeed of a corpse in a coffin would be very suprising to me. I don't think posting it is rude.  But it would make me think "Why would you do that?"  I'd have the same reaction if I walked into a freind's home and had a the same photo framed and sitting on their mantel.  Their home, their choice, but why?
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: bah12 on February 13, 2013, 09:59:24 AM
I have only heard of it happening in the US.  Please do not presume to tell me what I am "telling myself".  I think it is distasteful and odd (including the Lenin thing), other people don't.  Fine.

The thing is - millions and millions of people have disagreed over many decades.  Considering that during some of that time American visitors to see Lenin were nonexistant (and the fact that it wasn't Americans who had Lenin displayed in the first place) your premise that it is an American thing and that it is a standard that you can count on just about everybody to share seems somewhat faulty.

I feel like you are attacking me for reporting my own experience.

I never said it was an exclusively American thing, but that I have only heard of it happening in America.

I am not saying I have standards I expect everyone to share.  I am saying how I feel.  The OP asked for opinions on the matter and I gave mine, but it feels like I am now not allowed to.  I have repeatedly said I don't expect others to agree with my opinion.

If other people think posting funeral pictures are okay, then fine.  I don't.

I think it's fine to feel disturbed by open caskets...I also don't like them, so I definitely understand the sentiment.  I also think it's ok to say "in my culture, open caskets are not done and everyone on my FB friends list is of my same culture, therefore, if I ever saw a picture of an open casket on my news feed I would be surprised and shocked."

There is nothing wrong with you feelings this way.  Nothing.

But, there is also nothing wrong with someone else feeling differently.  Even though I don't like open caskets personally and wouldn't enjoy seeing one on my newsfeed, I don't think it rude or disturbing for someone else to feel and act differently.   And that's the point some of us are trying to make.  You can feel any way you like about it, but that doesn't mean that anyone else cannot act or believe differently. It doesn't make the picture rude.

Also, I'm a little confused by your exact feelings.  Do you think open caskets, in general, are rude or just posting a picture of one on FB?  It almost reads as if you are saying that because your culture doesn't normally have open caskets at funerals, that you think they are distasteful.  And while I don't know your exact culture and can't speak for it, I would still say that it may be fine to say "it's rude in my culture", but not ok to project that to other people/cultures.  KWIM?
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Sharnita on February 13, 2013, 10:00:57 AM
But don't you find yourself surprised by what people post on fb anyway? There are plenty of times I think "I would never post that myself" or "I can not rekate to that at all". The problem isn't with saying "that isn't part of my experience and,it makes me uncomfortable" it is with saying "that is not part of my experience and it makes me uncomfortable so nobody else should be doing ir"
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Queen of Clubs on February 13, 2013, 10:22:09 AM
I have only heard of it happening in the US.  Please do not presume to tell me what I am "telling myself".  I think it is distasteful and odd (including the Lenin thing), other people don't.  Fine.

I've only heard of open casket funerals in the US too.  If they're done over here (the UK), no one's mentioned attending one and I've never been to one myself.
Title: Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
Post by: Amava on February 13, 2013, 11:13:45 AM
But don't you find yourself surprised by what people post on fb anyway? There are plenty of times I think "I would never post that myself" or "I can not rekate to that at all". The problem isn't with saying "that isn't part of my experience and,it makes me uncomfortable" it is with saying "that is not part of my experience and it makes me uncomfortable so nobody else should be doing ir"
Yes!
All those different norms and cultures are what I find the most interesting aspect of having an international, intercultural Facebook friends list. And of visiting Etiquette Hell too, actually! I discover so much here that is out of my own "norms". It's fascinating.