Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Techno-quette => Topic started by: weeblewobble on February 13, 2013, 01:00:27 PM

Title: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: weeblewobble on February 13, 2013, 01:00:27 PM
I recently reconnected with Jim, a high school acquaintance who joined my church.  (His dad is a long-time member.)  I friended him on Facebook months ago. Every once in a while, we'll like each other's statuses, but we don't chat or PM or anything like that.  A week ago, I noticed that I got a PM from Jim which sounded suspiciously like spam.  (It was one of those "Would you spend two minutes watching a youtube video if it would change your life?" spiels.)  Plus, it broke with our usual Facebook interactions.

Thinking that Jim's account had been compromised, I mentioned it when I saw him at church on Sunday, asking, "Hey, did your account get hacked?  I got what looked like spam in a PM from you."  He said, "Huh, I don't think so, but I'll look into it."  And of course, yesterday, I get another PM from him saying, "No, I haven't been hacked, but I'd really like you to look at this video.  Blahblahblah, bad MLM sales pitch."

Dang it.

Now, I'm a little embarrassed that I inadvertently called his "business plan" spam.  But, it was an honest reaction, and I have no interest in this "life-changing" product.  I won't apologize for my reaction, but I am wondering if I should follow up with a no-thanks, or should I let my original, "Hey, this is spam." reaction stand as my no?

FTR: If Jim persists with sending me these messages, I'm willing to unfriend him, because no acquaintanceship is worth being hassled in my inbox.
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook
Post by: Shoo on February 13, 2013, 01:04:36 PM
You called his "business plan" spam because that's exactly what it is.  He's trying to hook you into something not quite on the level, probably an MLM.

I think you should probably just say, "No thanks.  I am definitely not interested."  And keep repeating as needed until he finally leaves you alone about it.
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook
Post by: Lynn2000 on February 13, 2013, 04:57:41 PM
I would not apologize or even mention it to him again (on person or on FB). If he brings it up either place, you can just politely tell him you're not interested. And escalate from there if necessary. I don't think you did anything wrong or rude.
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook
Post by: Softly Spoken on February 14, 2013, 11:01:20 AM
*chuckling*
Sorry, but based on the title of this thread I was expecting far more drama. ;D

Your calling his message spam says more about his message/marketing technique than it does about you!

You didn't step in anything, unless you count the steaming pile of pushiness he left in your inbox.

You are not obligated to give his sales pitch any attention. If you think your polite refusal will be accepted and cause him to stop sending you annoying messages like that, then by all means let him know that he needs to peddle his MLM wares elsewhere. If you refuse his pitch and he persists, then he is an idiot and you should feel no guilt in cutting him loose or at the very least tweaking your filters/settings.

Intellectually, I understand the importance of persistence when it comes to sales, but OTOH I never saw why people couldn't just appreciate the hint to not waste their efforts and see the value in moving their time and attention to a more viable target- er I mean customer.  ;)
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook
Post by: oceanus on February 14, 2013, 11:10:20 AM
I would not apologize or even mention it to him again (on person or on FB). If he brings it up either place, you can just politely tell him you're not interested. And escalate from there if necessary. I don't think you did anything wrong or rude.

This.  I wouldn't bring it up again.
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: weeblewobble on April 12, 2013, 10:33:58 PM
Well, Jim just sent me another pitch PM, so he has been defriended. 

What really stinks about this is that Jim is trying to sell me weight loss products.  Since Christmas, I have done a sort of total body overhaul and have lost a significant amount of weight.  I have posted a little bit about it on facebook.  (Funny gym stories, "Hey, look I fit into this dress I haven't worn since before my kids were born!" and that sort of thing.) And I feel like he's targeting me for the weight loss products because of my posts. I do not like that.

So Jim has been defriended. I anticipate him commenting on it the next time I see him.  And I may let him know what I think of his sales tactics.  I will be icily polite.
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: blarg314 on April 13, 2013, 12:35:10 AM

Just tell him that you only use Facebook for social contacts.

Or, if you're a good actor, Evilblarg suggests bursting out in tears and sobbing "You think I'm fat!" if he brings it up.
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: EllenS on April 16, 2013, 10:11:34 AM
And I feel like he's targeting me for the weight loss products because of my posts. I do not like that.


No, he's targeting you because he's targeting everyone he has access to.  That is what that type of marketing does.

If he brings it up again (he likely will), I would see nothing wrong with saying that exact sentence above, followed by, "do not contact me about this again."
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: Mikayla on April 16, 2013, 01:29:04 PM
And I feel like he's targeting me for the weight loss products because of my posts. I do not like that.


No, he's targeting you because he's targeting everyone he has access to.  That is what that type of marketing does.

If he brings it up again (he likely will), I would see nothing wrong with saying that exact sentence above, followed by, "do not contact me about this again."

I sort of disagree.  On the first, weight loss products are not the same as kitchenware or candles or timeshares.  There'd be no reason to send this to someone who is skinny and always has been.  Now that I think about it, I'd guess anyone receiving this would be offended.  It's basically saying "here, this might help".

And on the second, I don't see why OP needs to bring her own weight struggles/success into it.  If she wants to, great, but I wouldn't.  I think the defriending makes it clear where she stands on the subject.
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: TurtleDove on April 16, 2013, 01:41:50 PM
I don't know what the products were, and absolutely support the OP in defriending someone who is marketing to her after she expressed she isn't interested, but I don't think the OP should be upset that Jim is targeting her becuase of her weight.  I suspect he is targeting everyone he knows. 

As an example, I have an aquiantance who has continuously sent me personal messages, called me on the phone, and outright posted to my facebook wall about her products that are for weightloss, I suppose, but also touted as "this will help you reach your optimal fitness and feel your best!"  It's not an indication to me that she thinks I need to lose weight, but rather that I am someone she knows who is interested in reaching optimal fitness.  Now, I ended up having to be pretty blunt with her that I am not interested in the products she is selling, but never did I think that she was targeting me because she thinks I am fat.

Congratulations on your fitness success, OP!
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: TurtleDove on April 16, 2013, 01:44:04 PM
There'd be no reason to send this to someone who is skinny and always has been. 

I completely disagree.  I would imagine people who are viewed as "skinny" are exactly the type of people Jim and his ilk are told to market to! These are people who are interested in fitness and likely to put money into it. (Depending on what the products are, of course.) 
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: magicdomino on April 16, 2013, 01:51:52 PM
There'd be no reason to send this to someone who is skinny and always has been. 

I completely disagree.  I would imagine people who are viewed as "skinny" are exactly the type of people Jim and his ilk are told to market to! These are people who are interested in fitness and likely to put money into it. (Depending on what the products are, of course.)

Exactly.  Plus, the skinny people would get more pressure to join the MLM as salespeople, as they would look like the weight-loss product worked.
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: Mikayla on April 28, 2013, 12:43:04 PM
There'd be no reason to send this to someone who is skinny and always has been. 

I completely disagree.  I would imagine people who are viewed as "skinny" are exactly the type of people Jim and his ilk are told to market to! These are people who are interested in fitness and likely to put money into it. (Depending on what the products are, of course.)

But weeblewobble didn't describe them as fitness products.  She said they were weight loss products.  This isn't the same thing.  And if someone doesn't need to lose weight, or never has, why would they be a target market? 

To me, it's like Jen Hudson and others touting Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers.  They've lost the weight using that product.  It seems nonsensical to assume someone would be happy with the method they used, want to make money/spread the word...and then use someone else's methods to do so. 
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: Roe on May 02, 2013, 04:25:18 PM
Have you seen him face to face since the unfriending?
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: Twik on May 05, 2013, 01:18:23 PM
I wouldn't take being sent info on Latest Sure-Fire Weightloss Method as an indication that someone thought I was fat.

Unfortunately, it is a truism of marketing that nearly every person (at least, female person, and most of the males as well) in the first world believe that things would be better if they lost some weight. Even the ones who appear to be perfectly proportioned will believe this.
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: TurtleDove on May 05, 2013, 09:14:37 PM
And if someone doesn't need to lose weight, or never has, why would they be a target market? 

I completely agree with you in theory, but in reality, the marketing people will blanket target everyone who shows interest in "fitness."  I have no idea what specific products are involved here, but I have never been overweight and have never needed to lose weight....but it is also well known that I enjoy working out.  I have had several aquaintances approach me to either try or hawk their fitness magic pills/whatever.  I didn't and won't, but I certainly never took their "offer" as a statement that I need to lose weight.  I guess if they thought I needed to lose weight in reality I would tell them to pound sand, but I think their thought process was "TurtleDove cares about her fitness/weight - she might be someone who will fall for this!"

I am not :-)  I believe in eating real food and using my body so I don't have any desire for supplements or whatever, but I do believe that the thought process had little to no judgment of my body and more a thought of "TD is more likely to be interested than (whomever) who has shown no interest in fitness ever."
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: Virg on May 06, 2013, 09:40:10 AM
TurtleDove wrote:

"I have had several aquaintances approach me to either try or hawk their fitness magic pills/whatever.  I didn't and won't, but I certainly never took their "offer" as a statement that I need to lose weight.  I guess if they thought I needed to lose weight in reality I would tell them to pound sand, but I think their thought process was "TurtleDove cares about her fitness/weight - she might be someone who will fall for this!""

The disagreement I have with this is really agreement that it's not about the target's need to lose weight.  I suspect the thought process is more along the lines of, "This person has a pulse and can comprehend English, so I'll send them my info because it doesn't cost me anything and I might get rich if I do it enough!"

Mikayla wrote:

"And if someone doesn't need to lose weight, or never has, why would they be a target market?"

Notwithstanding the logic shown above, marketers will often tell you that the person who gets your message might pass it on to someone they know who can use it.  It's a load of Facebook, but the person doing the selling will often be greedy enough that they'll talk themselves into believing it to justify the real reason I discussed above.

Virg
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: Yvaine on May 06, 2013, 11:38:48 AM
It's more like they're just going to blanket market it to everybody. It's not because they think anyone is fat, and it's also not because they know how interested TurtleDove is in fitness. This type of marketing targets everyone who is breathing.
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: Twik on May 06, 2013, 11:40:29 AM
And if someone doesn't need to lose weight, or never has, why would they be a target market?   

They're breathing.

They have money.

Ergo, a target market.  >:D
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: Mikayla on May 08, 2013, 01:59:46 PM
And if someone doesn't need to lose weight, or never has, why would they be a target market?   

They're breathing.

They have money.

Ergo, a target market.  >:D

Oh trust me, I fully get that part.  "Target" may not have been the best adjective, but I can't think of a different one.  For MLM, "target" = enough brain waves to sustain cardiac rhythm.

But I still see a difference between Tupperware and weight loss in terms of the blanket coverage and potential minefields.  Nobody is going to be offended at being given the opportunity to purchase kitchen storage components.  With weight loss, if someone is overweight, or isn't but has struggled with it, the annoyance factor isn't about whether they push it repeatedly.  It's that they mentioned it in the first place.
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: Yvaine on May 08, 2013, 02:08:32 PM
And if someone doesn't need to lose weight, or never has, why would they be a target market?   

They're breathing.

They have money.

Ergo, a target market.  >:D

Oh trust me, I fully get that part.  "Target" may not have been the best adjective, but I can't think of a different one.  For MLM, "target" = enough brain waves to sustain cardiac rhythm.

But I still see a difference between Tupperware and weight loss in terms of the blanket coverage and potential minefields.  Nobody is going to be offended at being given the opportunity to purchase kitchen storage components.  With weight loss, if someone is overweight, or isn't but has struggled with it, the annoyance factor isn't about whether they push it repeatedly.  It's that they mentioned it in the first place.

True. It's a more sensitive issue and so there's more potential to offend. Just know that if it happens to you (general you), it's probably not as personal as it sounds--it's just the way they're trained to push the product.
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook
Post by: Hazmat on May 22, 2013, 10:26:33 AM
You didn't step in anything, unless you count the steaming pile of pushiness he left in your inbox.
I love this phrase!  It describes Spam perfectly! 
Title: Re: Stepped in a big pile of Facebook UPDATE
Post by: JenJay on May 22, 2013, 10:41:38 AM
Ugh! About 2-3 years ago I was waiting around just before school let out when another mom approached me and struck up a conversation. She asked a lot of questions (What do you do? What's your husband's name? What does he do? Etc.) but friendly. I figured she was just really outgoing so I chatted with her. She started telling me how she had recently started her own business and she was so happy, etc. Then she dropped the bomb that she sold a weight loss program (food and supplements) and she'd love to discuss it with me.

Okay, I could have lost 25lbs (And have lost 15-20, in a safe and healthy way, over the past 18 months, thankyouverymuch!), but who does that?! I was hurt but politely declined, rounded up my kids and left. A few days later I started receiving invitations to add her on Linked (which I don't even use), Facebook, etc. She had used our names & occupations to track me down online and try to recruit me. I just deleted/ignored it all and avoided her at school functions. She tried 2 or 3 times then gave up.

Sorry you had to deal with that, WW. He's a jerk!