Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: oceanus on February 13, 2013, 02:21:51 PM

Title: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: oceanus on February 13, 2013, 02:21:51 PM
(Meant to put this in the "Family" section.  Mod, can you move it? Thanks.)


This happened several days ago; I’ve put off posting because I just wanted to ‘wait and see’ if something else happened.  (Maybe I’d get a call, email apology) but nothing has happened.

BACKGROUND: I have a male cousin “J” who is married to “B”. We grew up in the same small town, have drifted apart, but generally speaking have had a decent relationship – even though communication is sporadic. J and I talked several times last summer because there was a death in the family. Since then, I haven’t heard from him. I met his wife B 20 yrs ago when they got married, but we aren’t close either.  I’ve picked up Snowflakey vibes way before I was familiar with the term. She is not exactly Ms. Personality; i.e., the times I’ve been around her she sits, stares at people, and doesn’t say anything unless someone says something to her or asks her something.  Her answers are brief, and I can count on half of one hand the times I’ve seen her smile.  Her husband/my cousin J is the opposite – always “on”, smiling, joking, very witty and personable. (end BG)

WHAT HAPPENED RECENTLY: A couple of months ago my cell phone showed a “missed call” from J’s home number. There was no vm msg, so I just shrugged it off.

But the other night my cell ph rang and the caller ID showed the call was from my cousin J’s home phone #. When I said “hello” cousin’s wife immediately sounded annoyed/angry and said “I’m calling because you’ve called this number several times and hung up, and I want to know why you keep doing that.” I said “Who IS this?” She said “this is the X residence and this is B, J’s wife.” I said “Well, B, this is J’s cousin (my name). I don’t know what you’re talking about. Please calm down. I have not dialed your number since last summer when J and I discussed the death of (relative). I don’t make hang-up calls and no one uses this cell phone except me.” She said “Oh. Well, I wasn’t being accusatory. I was just seeing if there was something I needed to follow up on.”

I asked if her caller ID was indicating recent calls from my number. She said “No, not recent. It’s just that some people call and hang up if they don’t get the person and I was just checking things out.”

I said “Well, it wasn’t me.”  (awkward silence) “Have a nice evening. Goodbye.”

To me, it sounded like she was checking up on him and she had a pre-planned excuse for calling.

I was going to email my cousin J and tell him about his wife’s strange phone call, but my better judgment told me to leave it alone. (I am SO glad I didn’t email my cousin.)  Anyway, as I got back to my dinner I swear I heard music from "The Twilight Zone" playing somewhere.

Also, I recall many years ago when cousin J attended a family gathering and stayed quite awhile . . .laughing, having a good time. Later I heard from another relative that B had been calling trying to get a phone number (where the gathering was held) to check to see if he’d left yet.

Concerning the recent call, I found it odd that once she realized who she was talking to B didn’t say “Oh, (my name) – gosh, I’m sorry. My mistake. Don’t worry about it; how ya doin’? “ OTOH, we don’t have a warm, chatty relationship and she now realizes she messed up.  I doubt that she said anything to J about it, and she’s hoping that I don’t. But I feel she was rude/out of line.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: bopper on February 13, 2013, 02:23:34 PM
Could have been a butt-dial or something.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: oceanus on February 13, 2013, 02:27:03 PM
Could have been a butt-dial or something.

???
Not sure what that means.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: Twik on February 13, 2013, 02:29:40 PM
Sitting on the phone, and accidentally dialing a number.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: onyonryngs on February 13, 2013, 02:33:54 PM
I would stay out of their family business.  Either she's too paranoid, or she has reason to be checking up on him and as you aren't close with either, I would stay very very far away from any of that.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: bloo on February 13, 2013, 02:34:37 PM
Could have been a butt-dial or something.

???
Not sure what that means.

A 'butt-dial' is when your cell phone calls someone from your back-pocket because, presumably, you've bumped up against your posterior enough times to unlock your phone, maybe hit your call log or contact list and then hit 'send'.

So are you thinking your cousin's wife is checking up on him? From the OP it sounds like you got a misdial from his home number but she, bizarrely, accused you of calling their number? That's just weird. She's weird. Sympathies to your cousin for being married to someone weird but I'd keep ignoring it.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: oceanus on February 13, 2013, 02:36:08 PM
Well, I checked (even though I knew I had not dialed their number since last summer) and no such call came from my phone.

Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: bansidhe on February 13, 2013, 02:39:44 PM
Perhaps she saw his outgoing call to you and mistook it for an incoming call. It can be tough to tell which is which on my phone.

Either way, she's a paranoid weirdo.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: staceym on February 13, 2013, 02:40:28 PM
Well, I checked (even though I knew I had not dialed their number since last summer) and no such call came from my phone.

I would bet any money there was no "mis dial" - she got a hold of his phone and went through his phone history

I agree - so glad you didn't email or anything - let it go might be the best thing
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: oceanus on February 13, 2013, 02:41:18 PM
Quote
So are you thinking your cousin's wife is checking up on him?

Yes.  Based on a few things I've heard, and her demeanor, she is suspicious of him.  Could be she has reason to be.

I think she was going thru all the outgoing numbers doing detective work.  Also - this call came to my cell from their land line (I don't have his cell #.)

As far as etiquette, I feel that once she knew who she was talking to, she should have handled it better - even apologized.  But I didn't hold my breath.  Just as well.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: oceanus on February 13, 2013, 02:43:03 PM
Perhaps she saw his outgoing call to you and mistook it for an incoming call. It can be tough to tell which is which on my phone.

Either way, she's a paranoid weirdo.

But his last outgoing call to me was over 8 months ago.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on February 13, 2013, 02:53:32 PM
My cellphone gets used so rarely that I have calls that old on my phone.  Could be that he doesn't call out on that phone much or your number is stored.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: Twik on February 13, 2013, 02:56:20 PM
Possibly she's not looking at outgoing calls - she's just going through his saved numbers, and calling every one she doesn't recognize.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: Moray on February 13, 2013, 02:58:16 PM
I'm confused as to what your question is, and/or what we can help you with.  I mean, it sounds a little awkward, but I'm not sure I understand the need to dissect it. It's possible that she mis-read her call log, that she's randomly calling numbers from his phone, or that she pulled it out of thin air, but in any case, it's between J and B. As long as she doesn't call you again, it's over and done with. ???
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: BeagleMommy on February 13, 2013, 03:01:44 PM
Regardless of the last time J called your phone, B thinks she needs to check up on him.  She, absolutely, should have apologized after realizing to whom she was speaking.

Glad your better judgement took hold and you didn't tell J about the call.  Something tells me this will not end well.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: oceanus on February 13, 2013, 03:07:47 PM
I'm confused as to what your question is, and/or what we can help you with.  I mean, it sounds a little awkward, but I'm not sure I understand the need to dissect it. It's possible that she mis-read her call log, that she's randomly calling numbers from his phone, or that she pulled it out of thin air, but in any case, it's between J and B. As long as she doesn't call you again, it's over and done with. ???

Well, I'm a bit surprised that (as yet) no one feels she was rude on several counts:
1) not identifying herself as soon as I answered instead of immediately going off on an angry rant
2) rather cold, accusaroty tone
3) no apology

If it's between them, then she shouldn't be calling others, accusing, or dragging them into it - relatives or anyone else.  Most, if not all, of the sutuations people post about are "over and done with".

I also think there may be some confusion - the call from wife came from a land line to my cell phone.

Anyway, maybe it's a "you had to be there" situation, and since I'm the one who experienced it I see it differently.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: oceanus on February 13, 2013, 03:09:25 PM
Regardless of the last time J called your phone, B thinks she needs to check up on him.  She, absolutely, should have apologized after realizing to whom she was speaking.

Glad your better judgement took hold and you didn't tell J about the call.  Something tells me this will not end well.

Thanks.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: Moray on February 13, 2013, 03:10:43 PM
Oh, okay! So you're asking for validation that she was rude.

Yes, she was rude.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: Amava on February 13, 2013, 03:15:01 PM
Not just rude to you but to her husband too, going through his phone like that and acting weird to his contacts. If she does that to people he works with/for, then wow, they'll be "impressed".  :o
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: Twik on February 13, 2013, 03:18:08 PM
She's definitely rude.

Perhaps she is actually dealing with a failing marriage. That would give me some sympathy, but it still wouldn't excuse her rudeness.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: oceanus on February 13, 2013, 03:19:06 PM
Quote
going through his phone
The call came from their home land line. 
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: Dalek on February 13, 2013, 03:24:06 PM
Danger! If you get involved with this, she could hit the ceiling. You would just be caught in the drama.

I would pick up a book, take a walk and just blow her off as crazy. I wouldn't get upset over one call.

And to answer your question, yes she was rude.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: mrs_deb on February 13, 2013, 03:28:57 PM

It does sound a bit like she's "checking up on him".  I keep a close eye on our Verizon bill for phone calls and texts (I started doing that after Cellular One tried to charge us for a 16-hour long phone call), but if I see a number I don't recognize, I'm more likely to ask, "Who in the world do you know in Minnesota?" rather than calling the number and snapping angrily at whoever answers.

However, since you don't have his cell number, and the last call from him was from the landline, it sounds perhaps  like she saw it written down somewhere and got suspicious.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: JenJay on February 13, 2013, 03:54:16 PM
Quote
going through his phone
The call came from their home land line.

She could still be looking through his phone or going over old phone records, seeing who he's been talking to.  :-\

She was rude to you but you're right to drop it. I wouldn't get dragged any further into this then you have been!
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: Amava on February 13, 2013, 04:00:26 PM
To be perfectly honest, I would warn the cousin.

If my husband was doing such things behind my back, messing with my phone and being rude to random people I know, I /would/ want to know.
(For the record: thank goodness my husband is a sane person who does not do such things, though.)

She is potentially damaging him by her behaviour.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: citadelle on February 13, 2013, 04:01:20 PM
You didn't like her anyway and you now have validation that some others find her behavior rude. Regardless, the situation between J and B has nothing to do with you. I hope you don't plan to tell her that you find her to be rude.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: Yvaine on February 13, 2013, 04:04:42 PM
Quote
going through his phone
The call came from their home land line.

This actually makes it even more likely she's just digging through old records. My cell phone, as an example, only has calls going back to December; the earlier ones have been purged automatically. But a print phone bill stays around as long as the person keeps it. And of course she was rude.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: amylouky on February 13, 2013, 04:08:28 PM
Can I just say, I find it a funny sign of the times that the first thought is she was "going through his phone" rather than "found your number written down".   ;D 

I think she was definitely checking up on him, trying to figure out who owned the number. Could be that since she knew it wasn't a number that she recognized, it HAD to be someone suspicious, hence the attitude.

Doesn't excuse it though. And if it were my cousin, I think I'd tell him about the call.
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: Yvaine on February 13, 2013, 04:10:05 PM
Can I just say, I find it a funny sign of the times that the first thought is she was "going through his phone" rather than "found your number written down".   ;D 


You're right, it could have just been jotted somewhere. Stuck by the phone, floating around in a coat pocket...
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: Surianne on February 13, 2013, 04:50:14 PM
I'm not sure what she did wrong here other than use what you say was an angry or annoyed tone.  I don't see why she owes you an apology for asking whose number it was.  If she really is up to something nefarious, best to stay way out of it. 
Title: Re: Bizarre (rude) phone call from relative's wife
Post by: oceanus on February 13, 2013, 04:51:33 PM
I appreciate all the replies.

Btw folks, I wasnít just soliciting ďYes, oceanus, youíre rightĒ agreements.  But I truly think she was rude and thatís she could have easily handled it better.

Yes, itís also possible she saw my number written down someplace Ė maybe an old piece of scratch paper, post-it, etc and was going thru a desk drawer, etc.  However, Iím convinced she was on a fishing expedition.

Iíve seen landline phones with an indicator that shows all numbers that have been dialed and also all incoming numbers Ė unless the numbers are deleted.

Whoever said I donít like her is right Ė based on my experience (even before this incident) and also observation, she is not someone I would even want to sit and have a cup of coffee with.

Anyway, sounds to me like she keeps him on a short leash and I inadvertently got caught up in it.  If I had told J about the call (and Iíve decided not to) I think wife would have given a very different version.  And itís a potential ďhot potatoĒ that I donít want to touch.  :-\