Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: Auntie Mame on February 13, 2013, 06:19:44 PM

Title: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Auntie Mame on February 13, 2013, 06:19:44 PM
So I'm gluten free.  Honest to goodness nasty painful reaction gluten free.  I'm fine with being gluten free.  It's a first world problem that I don't give a second thought to unless I'm reading a label to make sure what I am about to eat is safe.  Okay, I will admit, I do sometimes sigh wistfully (on the inside) when I see yet another tray of yummy goodness I can't eat.  Especially since the office I work at is big on pastries and other treats so there is often something on the official "help yourself to the food" counter.

For the record:  I don't talk about being gluten free, I mention it so people don't think I'm a snob for not eating their offered treats.  Beyond that, I shut up about it.  it is what it is, and I don't feel the need to make a production.  That said:

It's the way other people react that is working my ever loving nerves.  There are two types of reactions:

1) The over dramatic imagined victim: This person Goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on (bangs head on desk) about how horrible it is to gluten free, how it must be so tragic to not eat certain foods anymore, How "if it were me I couldn't bear it", I mean it's just so terrible, you must suffer so much. Blah blah blah blah.

I am grateful that I have food and I am not starving.  I have seen true suffering, believe a gluten allergy in a major city isn't even in the same solar system as a tragedy.  I usually shrug, mumble about all the great gluten free products there are and change the subject.

2) The gloater:  The ones who have to stand over me and say over and over "Wow, Auntie Mame, it's too bad you can't have any of this, it's sooooo gooood.  But you can't eat it.  Too bad, it's good.  I mean really good." etc etc etc...

Yes, I know I can't, but gosh thank you so much for telling me how good it is and what I'm missing out on.   It's also good that continually remind me I can't have gluten, because if you don't the information will just leave my fuzzy little brain.  ::)

With these people I smile, say "oh that's nice" and change the subject.

I don't know how much longer I can tolerate this, it is wearing on my last nerve.  I know it's not malicious, but people need to know how incredibly annoying this is (and believe me, there are several repeat offenders).

How do I shut these comments down permanently?  Bean dipping doesn't worker because the repeat offenders keep coming back.  I need to ready some phrases to stop this once and for all before I say something that isn't very nice.

Thoughts?

Also, why do people feel the need to do this?  Honestly!
Title: Re: No, I can't eat, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: CrochetFanatic on February 13, 2013, 06:28:58 PM
It could be that they don't know what to say, and they overcompensate by running their mouths.

I don't really know how you can get them to stop, but have you tried turning things around a little bit?  Maybe bringing a really good gluten free dish to share, sort of proving that you don't really have to deprive yourself?  I'm not gluten free myself, but I've tried some really good gluten free foods.  The flourless chocolate cake recipe I tried a few weeks ago?  Heaven on a plate!
Title: Re: No, I can't eat, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Auntie Mame on February 13, 2013, 06:30:39 PM
It could be that they don't know what to say, and they overcompensate by running their mouths.



That's what I don't understand, why say anything at all.  It's not a big deal.  It's just a minor annoyance and one I don't really discuss with people, but they fixate on it.   I can't wrap my head around that. 
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Amara on February 13, 2013, 06:31:19 PM
Can you take those who say these things aside individually and privately at a calm time and gently tell them honestly that comments about your health and what you can and cannot eat make you unhappy? If they are basically decent people that should be enough to make them apologize for their thoughtless comments. If they are not, then I don't have any suggestions.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: bansidhe on February 13, 2013, 06:31:57 PM
I've got some odd dietary restrictions that are, strangely enough, necessitated by my having rheumatoid arthritis. I've found that the overly dramatic types can usually be shut down by putting on a mildly puzzled look, saying something like "It just isn't a big deal to me," and changing the subject. In others words, be anti-dramatic. I haven't had a repeat offender of that variety yet using this method.

As for the gloaters, I suppose stabbing them with a fork isn't EHell approved... I've been fortunate enough to have not encountered one of those yet. Perhaps try saying something along the lines of "I'm not sure why you think sharing that information is helpful?" in a questioning tone as if you're expecting an answer, then shut up and wait for the person to provide a logical answer - or rather, to realize how inane he or she sounds.

I'm very surprised that you haven't encountered another common reaction:
3. "You probably don't really have a problem with gluten. It's all in your head."  ::)
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: LeveeWoman on February 13, 2013, 06:41:08 PM
So I'm gluten free.  Honest to goodness nasty painful reaction gluten free.  I'm fine with being gluten free.  It's a first world problem that I don't give a second thought to unless I'm reading a label to make sure what I am about to eat is safe.  Okay, I will admit, I do sometimes sigh wistfully (on the inside) when I see yet another tray of yummy goodness I can't eat.  Especially since the office I work at is big on pastries and other treats so there is often something on the official "help yourself to the food" counter.

For the record:  I don't talk about being gluten free, I mention it so people don't think I'm a snob for not eating their offered treats.  Beyond that, I shut up about it.  it is what it is, and I don't feel the need to make a production.  That said:

It's the way other people react that is working my ever loving nerves.  There are two types of reactions:

1) The over dramatic imagined victim: This person Goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on (bangs head on desk) about how horrible it is to gluten free, how it must be so tragic to not eat certain foods anymore, How "if it were me I couldn't bear it", I mean it's just so terrible, you must suffer so much. Blah blah blah blah.

I am grateful that I have food and I am not starving.  I have seen true suffering, believe a gluten allergy in a major city isn't even in the same solar system as a tragedy.  I usually shrug, mumble about all the great gluten free products there are and change the subject.

2) The gloater:  The ones who have to stand over me and say over and over "Wow, Auntie Mame, it's too bad you can't have any of this, it's sooooo gooood.  But you can't eat it.  Too bad, it's good.  I mean really good." etc etc etc...

Yes, I know I can't, but gosh thank you so much for telling me how good it is and what I'm missing out on.   It's also good that continually remind me I can't have gluten, because if you don't the information will just leave my fuzzy little brain.  ::)

With these people I smile, say "oh that's nice" and change the subject.

I don't know how much longer I can tolerate this, it is wearing on my last nerve.  I know it's not malicious, but people need to know how incredibly annoying this is (and believe me, there are several repeat offenders).

How do I shut these comments down permanently?  Bean dipping doesn't worker because the repeat offenders keep coming back.  I need to ready some phrases to stop this once and for all before I say something that isn't very nice.

Thoughts?

Also, why do people feel the need to do this?  Honestly!

I'm not sure how to handle the first group, but I'd ask the meanies in the second group why they find it necessary to gloat about it in front of me, that I find such comments insensitive. I'd ask them how they'd feel if someone said something similar to them.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: LifeOnPluto on February 13, 2013, 08:16:57 PM
To the first group I'd say "Just as well you aren't me, then."

To the second group, I'd say, pointedly "Yes, you've said that several times already."
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: JenJay on February 13, 2013, 08:17:10 PM
For either type of person I'd say "It's not that big a deal. Technically I could eat some, but it would hurt me, so I choose not to." For the 2nd group you could add "Maybe I should add you to the list of things I avoid at meals since you seem to be trying to upset me, too.  :-\"   >:D
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Miss Tickle on February 13, 2013, 08:34:28 PM
That's so weird. I tend to get Me too! or Have you tried the gluten free bakery down the street? I'm sorry your work mates are like that.  I'd find it harassing to be repeatedly tormented about a medical condition. I think I might tell them that. Just a simple tilt of the head and not a hint of a smile, "Are you teasing me about a medical condition? That's not appropriate." Don't say anything else. If they persist stare at them with the least impressed face you can, pull out your cellphone and start recording. This will work forever, because if they return, just pull out your phone again right from the start. If they question you, tell them the truth. Recorded evidence of harassment is much superior to anecdotal.

To the others, I'd say that I regret saying anything about being gluten free, as you were looking for understanding not pity.

You are the best judge of who and how you do that, but it should stop the comments dead.

Or bring in gluten free treats and chow down with them!
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Auntie Mame on February 13, 2013, 08:36:02 PM
Great replies, thank you!  I especially love the baffled response "it doesn't bother me"

Bandsidhe:  I think the reason I don't get the "it's all in your head your response" is because too many people have seen my reaction when I have gluten.  My stomach swells, I double over in pain and then I, well ummm.. There is some unpleasantness, we'll put it that way.  It's hard to tell someone they are imagining it when staring right at the physical evidence.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: LA lady on February 13, 2013, 10:22:52 PM
What about the Toots Special cut and paste technique for group 2:
"Yes, so you've said."  (said dead flat, looking the offender in the eye.)

"Yes, so you've said."

"Yes, so you've said."

After the third repetition, you could add: "Yes, so you've said.  Repeatedly."  Still with a flat look,flat voice.

Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: christmascarol on February 13, 2013, 11:36:34 PM
I can't eat a lot of things because of allergies and I get the comments, too.  My stock reply is, "Nothing's So good it's worth dying for."  It's shut everyone up so far.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: ammyd on February 14, 2013, 12:20:29 AM
I get the gloating from my friends sometimes. My allergy is a fairly new development and it's shellfish which is something a majority of us love. So now when it's one of the seafood fests at Red Lobster I get gloaty text messages about how awesome it's going to be when they go there for dinner.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Amava on February 14, 2013, 12:35:54 AM
2) The gloater:  The ones who have to stand over me and say over and over "Wow, Auntie Mame, it's too bad you can't have any of this, it's sooooo gooood.  But you can't eat it.  Too bad, it's good.  I mean really good." etc etc etc...
Wow. What? 

and
I get the gloating from my friends sometimes. My allergy is a fairly new development and it's shellfish which is something a majority of us love. So now when it's one of the seafood fests at Red Lobster I get gloaty text messages about how awesome it's going to be when they go there for dinner.
Wow. What again??

Quote from: Auntie Mame
Also, why do people feel the need to do this?  Honestly!
Funny, I was asking myself the exact same question.
What the heck is wrong with people?
Maybe next time this happens, ask /them/.
"Why do you feel the need to point that out?"

I would be interested in their reply because it baffles me.
I mean, what the heck?? They're grown-ups?  >:(
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: CakeEater on February 14, 2013, 12:52:37 AM
What about a confused, "Are you trying to make me feel bad?"
Them: No
You still confused: Why are you doing that then?
Them: It's a joke
You still confused: Uh huh
and turn back to what you were doing.

Or
Them: yes
You: Silence, confused look, turn back to what you were doing

It's completely bizarre to me as well that any adult would find food intolerances so funny.

Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: chibichan on February 14, 2013, 04:38:37 AM
The lamenter : Wow , I hope you never develop a food sensitivity . It sounds like you wouldn't have any reason to go on living .

The gloater : Yeah , and if I lost a leg , you'd probably tap dance in front of me laughing , wouldn't you ?

These might sound a little harsh to some , but all of these clods are essentially poking an open wound while smugly thinking " Glad it's not me.

And they're doing it over and over again . For fun.

I have zero respect for people like this .

And my standard reply for "I was only joking..." is this :

Well , you're the only one laughing , and it's not a good look .
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Danika on February 14, 2013, 04:43:23 AM
I have a number of health issues related to food. Some are food allergies that I've had for decades. And 6 years ago, I developed something else unrelated that 22 doctors now haven't been able to diagnose. I'm mentioning it here so that you know the backstory before I give you my advice. But in real life, I'm so sick of telling people about it because there has been no diagnosis and so I have to explain all my symptoms and I just get depressed and frustrated telling my tale of woe.

Therefore, I'm very brief and very vague and that tends to be working pretty well.

If I don't want to eat something I just say "Oh, thanks. I have health issues and can't have that. Thanks anyway." That's usually vague enough that polite people won't press me further.

However, the condescending folks in your examples would probably ask "Oh, what issues?" to which I'd reply "It's a long story. I don't feel like getting into it right now." And then I bean dip. And if they asked again, I would just say "Really. In mixed company, no one wants to hear about my issues" and then walk away.

For people who already know about my health issues, I have heard the "Oh, that's so hard. That's so sad for you. How incredibly frustrating."

If I think they're sincere, I just say "Yes. Yes it is." And then don't continue. But if I think they're putting me down to feel better about themselves, I just say "Mmmm." As in "Yeah. I heard you. I acknowledge that you said something to me." But all I say is "Mmmm" and look bored at them. Because I've heard it all before. And they're looking for a reaction. So I just looked really bored. That usually stops them.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Thipu1 on February 14, 2013, 08:22:32 AM
For either type of person I'd say "It's not that big a deal. Technically I could eat some, but it would hurt me, so I choose not to." For the 2nd group you could add "Maybe I should add you to the list of things I avoid at meals since you seem to be trying to upset me, too.  :-\"   >:D

I like this. 

The Gloaters would make me want to do a cake smash in their faces. 

We have a niece who is gluten-free and an excellent cook.   We also have a place around the corner that makes amazing gluten-free crepes, both sweet and savory.  Based on Experiences with them and the variety of gluten free products available here, I don't think people who avoid gluten are missing out on very much. 
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Zilla on February 14, 2013, 08:38:17 AM
To the first one, "Oh it's fine believe me.  See, I am not suffering nor am I upset about it." and paste a big smile and turn away firmly.  Seriously turn away and go back to desk, or if you are already at your desk, turn your chair or pick up your phone.  That way they know the topic is over and done with and you don't need to hear them wangsting on your behalf.
 
As for the second one, they are being rude.  Just say, "I trust you that they are delicious.  Enjoy them!" and again turn away or turn your chair.  Ending the conversation/gloating etc.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: ladyknight1 on February 14, 2013, 10:35:15 AM
DH is gluten-sensitive and has removed most gluten from his diet. He hopes to go completely GF in March. He and DS are allergic to mango (which is in so many condiments!), even the smell of a mango can set them off into a reaction. I have just developed an allergy to peanuts, so I am now avoiding them.

We are good about controlling what comes into our home, what we cook, and what we eat. However, we can no longer trust MIL to remember these things, so if we want to eat with them, we cook everything and bring it over. MIL often has peanuts out, and I have to be careful that they don't touch my food, plates, silverware.

Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Zilla on February 14, 2013, 10:41:06 AM
DH is gluten-sensitive and has removed most gluten from his diet. He hopes to go completely GF in March. He and DS are allergic to mango (which is in so many condiments!), even the smell of a mango can set them off into a reaction. I have just developed an allergy to peanuts, so I am now avoiding them.

We are good about controlling what comes into our home, what we cook, and what we eat. However, we can no longer trust MIL to remember these things, so if we want to eat with them, we cook everything and bring it over. MIL often has peanuts out, and I have to be careful that they don't touch my food, plates, silverware.
Are you telling OP not to eat anything anyone makes her?  Just got a bit confused.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: ladyknight1 on February 14, 2013, 10:46:21 AM
No, I am saying I can totally relate to her situation. Due to allergies and other things, we are very careful about reading labels.

I hope that OP's coworkers can get a hobby.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Auntie Mame on February 14, 2013, 10:52:19 AM
DH is gluten-sensitive and has removed most gluten from his diet. He hopes to go completely GF in March. He and DS are allergic to mango (which is in so many condiments!), even the smell of a mango can set them off into a reaction. I have just developed an allergy to peanuts, so I am now avoiding them.

We are good about controlling what comes into our home, what we cook, and what we eat. However, we can no longer trust MIL to remember these things, so if we want to eat with them, we cook everything and bring it over. MIL often has peanuts out, and I have to be careful that they don't touch my food, plates, silverware.
Are you telling OP not to eat anything anyone makes her?  Just got a bit confused.

I totally get what she's saying.  I have to be wary of things people bake for me (unless I am 100% positive they know what they are doing) because I have been accidentally poisoned by well meaning people who don't know how to bake GF.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Zilla on February 14, 2013, 10:55:02 AM
DH is gluten-sensitive and has removed most gluten from his diet. He hopes to go completely GF in March. He and DS are allergic to mango (which is in so many condiments!), even the smell of a mango can set them off into a reaction. I have just developed an allergy to peanuts, so I am now avoiding them.

We are good about controlling what comes into our home, what we cook, and what we eat. However, we can no longer trust MIL to remember these things, so if we want to eat with them, we cook everything and bring it over. MIL often has peanuts out, and I have to be careful that they don't touch my food, plates, silverware.
Are you telling OP not to eat anything anyone makes her?  Just got a bit confused.

I totally get what she's saying.  I have to be wary of things people bake for me (unless I am 100% positive they know what they are doing) because I have been accidentally poisoned by well meaning people who don't know how to bake GF.
She answered that she wasn't telling the OP what I thought.  Just that she can relate to her situation.
 
Quote
Snipped...No, I am saying I can totally relate to her situation. ...

 
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: BeagleMommy on February 14, 2013, 11:03:34 AM
Oh, Auntie Mame, I get this all the time because of my diabetes.

One of the things I've done with the over-sympathizers is say: "Well, the alternative is more dire.  If I don't watch my carbs I run the risk of (insert list of problems).  That would impact my life more than avoiding sugar and eating on time."

To the taunters:  I'm glad you're enjoying it, but I'm not willing to turn into an irritable, thirsty, exhausted harridan just for a pastry.

As to why people do this?  I think, on some level, it's foot-in-mouth disease.  On another, lack of empathy.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: xanne on February 14, 2013, 11:19:52 AM
I have food allergies.  I have encountered all of the above.  From the you "if you don't know it is in there it won't hurt you" people to the you don't know what you are missing folks.  I am extremely careful of what I eat that I don't prepare myself, and if I can't read the ingredients, I just don't eat it no matter how much someone tells me it is safe. It only took 1 trip to the hospital to figure out that people are clueless that a peanut allergy encompasses peanut butter.  For the you don't know what you are missing repeat offenders for how wonderful shellfish is, I say eeewwww, nasty crustaceans.  For the are you sure it won't hurt you, I give the "an emergency trip to the hospital tends to ruin everyone's evening".

All that said, I had a salad at the cafeteria at work yesterday and I suspect there was cross contamination since I got violently ill within 20 minutes of eating it.  This is the first time this has happened in years, who would think lettuce wouldn't be safe.

I have a good friend with an aluminum allergy, she gets the same symptoms as I get from peanuts  if food touches aluminum foil to the point where fancy foil doilies under cakes makes the whole cake toxic to her.  I know she gets a lot of funny looks because it is such an unbelievable thing to cause a problem.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Mikayla on February 14, 2013, 11:50:19 AM
What about a confused, "Are you trying to make me feel bad?"
Them: No
You still confused: Why are you doing that then?
Them: It's a joke
You still confused: Uh huh
and turn back to what you were doing.

Or
Them: yes
You: Silence, confused look, turn back to what you were doing

It's completely bizarre to me as well that any adult would find food intolerances so funny.

This.  My favorite way to handle people who consistently say things that are nonsensical is to pose a question, although I use ones that don't have a yes or no answer.   Then when they stammer out some sort of blah blah non-response, I say "Yes, I realize that, but what but I'm asking is why you're saying this to me".  Lather, rinse, repeat.

This has worked for me every single time I've tried it.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: anonymousmac on February 14, 2013, 12:06:43 PM
2) The gloater:  The ones who have to stand over me and say over and over "Wow, Auntie Mame, it's too bad you can't have any of this, it's sooooo gooood.  But you can't eat it.  Too bad, it's good.  I mean really good." etc etc etc...

"How kind of you to say so."

Or maybe just stare at them, and say "Wow.  I'm sure you don't realize how mean you sound right now."

I'm sorry that you're encountering such jerks!
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: MyFamily on February 14, 2013, 02:28:08 PM
I don't have any advice, but your second scenario scares me.  My young son is allergic to dairy and eggs and so far it has all been good, and now I'm scared that one day one of his classmates will do that to him while eating something he can't eat and he'll decide to eat it and he'll have a reaction...not going there, for my own peace of mind.

That said, maybe I do have some advice.  I think you should tell the people who do this, at a time where there is no food around, that you dont appreciate this, it is borderline harassment over a medical condition and you know that is not their intention, so you'd appreciate it if they'd stop.  If they do the 'but I was just making a joke' you can answer that they may have been just joking but since they did it so badly you couldn't tell.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on February 14, 2013, 03:04:31 PM
Is it possible that, because your gluten allergy doesn't bother you (emotionally, that is, I'm sure physically when it happens it bother the stuffings out of you!), that people think they can joke around with you?
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: LEMon on February 14, 2013, 04:11:21 PM
Are these people ones who like drama?  How do they interact with others normally? 

My thought when reading through was that these people are all about them and trying to build drama. 
"Oh, how awful.  Let us mourn together." 
"Let me say things to try to make you upset, then I will act innocent.  It will be so much fun."
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Danika on February 14, 2013, 05:19:25 PM
Are these people ones who like drama?  How do they interact with others normally? 

My thought when reading through was that these people are all about them and trying to build drama. 
"Oh, how awful.  Let us mourn together." 
"Let me say things to try to make you upset, then I will act innocent.  It will be so much fun."

I was wondering the same thing.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Marbles on February 14, 2013, 06:30:02 PM
2) The gloater:  The ones who have to stand over me and say over and over "Wow, Auntie Mame, it's too bad you can't have any of this, it's sooooo gooood.  But you can't eat it.  Too bad, it's good.  I mean really good." etc etc etc...

"But it does come with a side of insight into your character. Thanks for sharing!"  :D

To the other sort of commenters, I'd say something along the lines of,  "with so many wonderful GF foods around/available, I certainly don't feel deprived."
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Danika on February 14, 2013, 06:57:58 PM
"But it does come with a side of insight into your character.

Ooooh, I like that!!! It's a great response for so many things!
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: VorFemme on February 14, 2013, 06:58:25 PM
I have food allergies.  I have encountered all of the above.  From the you "if you don't know it is in there it won't hurt you" people to the you don't know what you are missing folks.  I am extremely careful of what I eat that I don't prepare myself, and if I can't read the ingredients, I just don't eat it no matter how much someone tells me it is safe. It only took 1 trip to the hospital to figure out that people are clueless that a peanut allergy encompasses peanut butter.  For the you don't know what you are missing repeat offenders for how wonderful shellfish is, I say eeewwww, nasty crustaceans.  For the are you sure it won't hurt you, I give the "an emergency trip to the hospital tends to ruin everyone's evening".

All that said, I had a salad at the cafeteria at work yesterday and I suspect there was cross contamination since I got violently ill within 20 minutes of eating it.  This is the first time this has happened in years, who would think lettuce wouldn't be safe.

I have a good friend with an aluminum allergy, she gets the same symptoms as I get from peanuts  if food touches aluminum foil to the point where fancy foil doilies under cakes makes the whole cake toxic to her.  I know she gets a lot of funny looks because it is such an unbelievable thing to cause a problem.

My father has it.  He used to be able to eat food cooked in aluminum pans, as long as it was not stored in the same pan.  We got a lovely Pyrex lasagna pan from someone - Mom changed over to using it because she could cook & store in the same pan.

Cakes are still baked in metal pans - just placed in plastic storage containers.  Cupcakes have paper wrappers (no metal ones).  He's in his late seventies now, so it isn't a life threatening allergy - just "painful".....
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Danika on February 14, 2013, 07:18:44 PM
I have a good friend with an aluminum allergy, she gets the same symptoms as I get from peanuts  if food touches aluminum foil to the point where fancy foil doilies under cakes makes the whole cake toxic to her.  I know she gets a lot of funny looks because it is such an unbelievable thing to cause a problem.

I hate the rare allergies! They're annoying to explain.

I'm allergic to some inks. Like newspapers and about 50% of magazines. I can't stand when a salesperson tries to hand me a free newspaper and gets annoyed and huffs at me when I say "no thank you." They think I'm crazy for not taking free stuff. If I even pick up some magazines (usually coupons or flyers that come in the junk mail) or a newspaper and just carry them/it a few feet to toss in the trash, I have to go wash my hands and apply lotion or else my palms itch for a few hours.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: ammyd on February 14, 2013, 07:27:16 PM

I get the gloating from my friends sometimes. My allergy is a fairly new development and it's shellfish which is something a majority of us love. So now when it's one of the seafood fests at Red Lobster I get gloaty text messages about how awesome it's going to be when they go there for dinner.
Wow. What again??



Trimmed down the quote but yeah, it happens. I have had to miss plenty of plans because they want to go somewhere I can't safely eat. Heck I had a reaction from cross contamination at a bbq place so you just can't be too careful.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: kherbert05 on February 14, 2013, 07:54:13 PM
For me that nonsense basically stopped after HS. For both groups of trying to get a rise out of me jerks I would just look at them like they were nuts and say it taste like novocain then I stop breathing why would I want to touch (thing with peanuts in it) with a ten foot pole. I get that glutton reactions are much more "personal and private" but maybe you could simply say "Why in the world would I want to eat something that is going to make me violently ill?" in a deadpan voice.

The funny thing was that Dad never picked up on the novocain thing until I was in University. He told me that he had worried when I was a kid that I would eat something with peanuts to find out what it tasted like or because it smelled good.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 14, 2013, 07:54:44 PM
I hate the rare allergies! They're annoying to explain.

I hear you.  I'm allergic to bandaids.  It is fun when I go in for blood tests when I tell them to just give me the cotton ball and skip the adhesive.

OP, I wish I was your coworker.  I'm the baker in my office.  We've had a couple of people who were celiac.  I'd make something a couple times of year that were celiac safe.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: ammyd on February 14, 2013, 08:30:58 PM

I hear you.  I'm allergic to bandaids.  It is fun when I go in for blood tests when I tell them to just give me the cotton ball and skip the adhesive.

OP, I wish I was your coworker.  I'm the baker in my office.  We've had a couple of people who were celiac.  I'd make something a couple times of year that were celiac safe.

I'm allergic to bandaids too. It came about the same time as the shellfish.If I use one I end up with the outline of the bandaid for days afterward as a rash on my skin.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: gmatoy on February 14, 2013, 10:03:02 PM

I hear you.  I'm allergic to bandaids.  It is fun when I go in for blood tests when I tell them to just give me the cotton ball and skip the adhesive.

OP, I wish I was your coworker.  I'm the baker in my office.  We've had a couple of people who were celiac.  I'd make something a couple times of year that were celiac safe.

I'm allergic to bandaids too. It came about the same time as the shellfish.If I use one I end up with the outline of the bandaid for days afterward as a rash on my skin.
Okay, for me that is because of latex. The woman who does the blood draws at my doctor's office has a latex allergy also. So I never have to say a word! No more rashes! And everyone else is so careful about using the non-latex gloves. Also, if you have a latex allergy you might want to be careful of pineapple; the two allergies often go hand in hand. And, yes, I know that barbecue can be made without pineapple.  But unless I'm positive, I'm NOT having any thank you.

And I also have a shellfish allergy and now I'm wondering if it goes with the latex allergy...hmmm...
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: artk2002 on February 14, 2013, 10:44:49 PM
And I also have a shellfish allergy and now I'm wondering if it goes with the latex allergy...hmmm...

Mrs.k2002 has latex, shellfish and soy.  If you have problems with latex, watch out for avocados. Sometimes this gets mixed in with some melons and mango as well. Also, if you have a shellfish allergy and ever go for a CT scan, let them know in no uncertain terms to use non-iodine contrast.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: ammyd on February 14, 2013, 11:08:50 PM
And I also have a shellfish allergy and now I'm wondering if it goes with the latex allergy...hmmm...

Mrs.k2002 has latex, shellfish and soy.  If you have problems with latex, watch out for avocados. Sometimes this gets mixed in with some melons and mango as well. Also, if you have a shellfish allergy and ever go for a CT scan, let them know in no uncertain terms to use non-iodine contrast.

Now I'm really worried. Shellfish has already been taken from me I can't give up my avocados.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: mmswm on February 14, 2013, 11:48:35 PM
I've all but given up eating out after I had to be rushed to an ER after 3 doses of epi couldn't get my breathing under control.  I ate two dairy based foods that should not have had one drop of tomato in them, but there had to be cross contamination of some sort.  My O2 sats were in the 70's, but an ex-friend (who wasn't even there) decided I was faking it and putting on a show in an attempt to garner pity (from who, I don't know).  I totally get the frustration with food allergies.  I also really love a number of the responses that have been suggested in this thread.  I'm going to use quite a few of them!
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: wyliefool on February 15, 2013, 07:09:39 AM

I hear you.  I'm allergic to bandaids.  It is fun when I go in for blood tests when I tell them to just give me the cotton ball and skip the adhesive.

OP, I wish I was your coworker.  I'm the baker in my office.  We've had a couple of people who were celiac.  I'd make something a couple times of year that were celiac safe.

I'm allergic to bandaids too. It came about the same time as the shellfish.If I use one I end up with the outline of the bandaid for days afterward as a rash on my skin.

Me too. It's weird tho, because I can use a band-aid for  a couple days on my leg or ankle before the rash shows up, but I recently put one on my neck and it started itching instantly. And I can use them on my fingers w/ no reaction.

I'm also allergic to the non-latex tape. So I don't think it's the latex in my case.

Bandaids are avoidable on the leg as I can wrap a piece of gauze under an ace bandage. But when I had a mole removed from my waist that was fun. The ace bandage thing didn't work. Ugh!
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: mmswm on February 15, 2013, 07:51:26 AM

I hear you.  I'm allergic to bandaids.  It is fun when I go in for blood tests when I tell them to just give me the cotton ball and skip the adhesive.

OP, I wish I was your coworker.  I'm the baker in my office.  We've had a couple of people who were celiac.  I'd make something a couple times of year that were celiac safe.

I'm allergic to bandaids too. It came about the same time as the shellfish.If I use one I end up with the outline of the bandaid for days afterward as a rash on my skin.

Me too. It's weird tho, because I can use a band-aid for  a couple days on my leg or ankle before the rash shows up, but I recently put one on my neck and it started itching instantly. And I can use them on my fingers w/ no reaction.

I'm also allergic to the non-latex tape. So I don't think it's the latex in my case.

Bandaids are avoidable on the leg as I can wrap a piece of gauze under an ace bandage. But when I had a mole removed from my waist that was fun. The ace bandage thing didn't work. Ugh!

It may be the adhesive, not the latex/non-latex tape itself. I have sensitive skin and any sort of adhesive will cause me discomfort, though I'm not allergic.  I try to do without bandaids of any sort if I can get away with it.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: fluffy on February 15, 2013, 08:47:28 AM
The gloaters might think that they're just joking around with you. To them, their comments are new and novel. To you, it's the same old, tired things that people have been saying all along. Do you laugh at them at all? Even if you're laughing uncomfortably at them, they might be taking it as a sign that you're joking along with them.

Whatever you say, I'd say it with a rather stony face. If they have any sense, they'll realize that you're not playing along and knock it off.

I have to admit, my sister is GF and we do tend to tease her about it. She always laughs along with us, so I haven't gotten the impression that it bugs her at all. But maybe I'll tone it back, just in case. In her case, she tends to be a bit of a joker herself. She often talks about her condition in a joking manner and I think we've all taken her lead.

I think I'd be tempted to say, "I don't normally feel deprived, but it's so kind of you to take an interest." In my iciest voice.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: bopper on February 15, 2013, 10:37:57 AM
"More for you."
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: DragonKitty on February 15, 2013, 01:39:14 PM
Believe me, I sympathize with the celiacs, I am sort of in the same boat.  Sort of.  I have MS, and it is mostly triggered by foods.  The two biggest triggers are white rice, and white flour.  What we've figured is that it sets off my diabetes (sends blood sugar over 200) which causes the MS to flare up.  So I can't eat most breads, or things that are breaded.  Or things that rice is part of the dish.

I am very happy at all of the places that are giving people the choice of "carb-choice" -  aka lettuce wraps to the sandwiches they are selling.  And the number of places that are also allowing brown rice as an alternative to white rice.  Something about the extra fiber in the brown rice, so I don't react badly to it.


For those of you who are having a problem with bandaids and various tapes, try using "vet wrap" (or my mom calles it doggie wrap), a sort of wrap that vets use to keep a cotton ball on a dog's leg.  My mother gets some for herself to use, because she is allergic to bandaids, etc.  It works fairly well for her.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: mmswm on February 15, 2013, 01:48:44 PM
I thought of this thread today when my mother and I went out for coffee and she went to order the fried green tomatoes, then realized what she was doing and fell over herself apologizing for her thoughtlessness.  I told her she was find and to order her tomatoes :).
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: PastryGoddess on February 15, 2013, 02:16:15 PM
Believe me, I sympathize with the celiacs, I am sort of in the same boat.  Sort of.  I have MS, and it is mostly triggered by foods.  The two biggest triggers are white rice, and white flour.  What we've figured is that it sets off my diabetes (sends blood sugar over 200) which causes the MS to flare up.  So I can't eat most breads, or things that are breaded.  Or things that rice is part of the dish.

I am very happy at all of the places that are giving people the choice of "carb-choice" -  aka lettuce wraps to the sandwiches they are selling.  And the number of places that are also allowing brown rice as an alternative to white rice.  Something about the extra fiber in the brown rice, so I don't react badly to it.


For those of you who are having a problem with bandaids and various tapes, try using "vet wrap" (or my mom calles it doggie wrap), a sort of wrap that vets use to keep a cotton ball on a dog's leg.  My mother gets some for herself to use, because she is allergic to bandaids, etc.  It works fairly well for her.


It's also called co-elastic wrap. You can also get it from the drug store under the name gentle tape or non-adhesive tape.  It only sticks to itself, not to your skin or hair
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Bijou on February 17, 2013, 02:21:07 PM
"If you really felt strongly about my deprivation you probably wouldn't be eating that right in my face and lamenting my inability to have some." 

No?  OK, too sassy.  How about this:
" There are many gluten free foods out there, and I really don't miss the foods that cause me so much grief."
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: JacklynHyde on February 17, 2013, 04:14:56 PM
I have found most people take it more seriously if you say you have celiac disease instead of saying you're gluten-free.  The former makes it clear that it's a medical condition and not a choice.  It's serious stuff and should be taken seriously.

My latex allergy is rarely taken seriously.  People make snarky jokes about my Scrabble life or ask why I'm wary of balloons.  A contact reaction will make my body discolor and scab over.  Don't ask what happens to my throat and lungs when someone pops a ton of balloons too close to me (this has happened and I had to miss work the next day).
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Drunken Housewife on February 17, 2013, 06:32:04 PM
I have had this problem a number of times.  I'm not gluten-intolerant, I'm a vegetarian, and so many times I've run across gloaters ("oh, this bacon is SOOOO YUMMY.  It's so awful you can't have it.  Don't you wish you could have some?") or pitiers ("I feel so sorry for you that you can't eat it"). 

I actually cut back my volunteer hours at an animal rescue because one of the other volunteers, who was highly competitive with me, would bring in a big dish of meat every day and go on and on like this every single time.  It was clearly mean-spirited, and the rescue lost a lot of skilled man-hours due to this.  I decided I would no longer volunteer past lunch as I'd had my fill of that unpleasant behavior. 

Anyway, I have personally not done well at effectively and politely getting people to stop doing this to me.  My approach has been to silently seethe usually, which I suppose is polite enough but unpleasant for me personally, and to try to avoid people who do this. 

I had a giant falling out with a friend over this same behavior.  At every single meal we ate together, she'd bring up my vegetarianism and go on about how awful it was I couldn't eat this, I couldn't eat that... I resolved that the next time she did it, I would, as politely as I could, say, "So you've told me.  Let's talk about something else."  This caused a giant fight and an accusation from her that I had a rule that you could never discuss anything that you'd ever mentioned before and how she "couldn't live by [my] rules", etc...  Our friendship was never the same again (but it wasn't the most healthy friendship, either). 
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Drunken Housewife on February 17, 2013, 06:35:10 PM
So incidentally I am following this thread with interest, and the suggestions which are not medically based (as my situation differs from the OP in that my dietary restrictions did not stem from a diagnosis) are things I will try to remember. 

Thanks, OP, for this thread!  I am having a moment of feeling less alone with this problem. 
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: VorFemme on February 17, 2013, 07:54:35 PM
"I don't miss the hours (days) of pain in the bathroom while XXX worked its way through my system" is one that could be used - graphic descriptions of the cramps, bloating, and such should be saved only for the really, really obnoxious who've been doing this for a long time and have been asked to quit already.

"I don't mind missing out on the ambulance rides to the ER" is another one.......

But there are people who are so thoroughly sure that the way they see life is the only way to see it - that a cluedozer followed by a twenty stampeding elephants couldn't get the message through to them.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: EllenS on February 17, 2013, 10:08:01 PM
The gloaters are toddlers in big bodies and I would treat them as such.
"oh, WOW, really?  Yes, I can tell.  Wow, it looks like you're really enjoying that.  Good for you!"
Any negative reaction will encourage them, as they are trying to goad you.

The over-sympathizers I think deadpan is usually best.  "oh, really? You woudn't want to go on living?  That's really a big deal for you, eh?"

When people are so self-involved they just want a mirror, not a conversation - I give them one.  Saves me the trouble.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: edgypeanuts on February 17, 2013, 10:41:24 PM
I have had this problem a number of times.  I'm not gluten-intolerant, I'm a vegetarian, and so many times I've run across gloaters ("oh, this bacon is SOOOO YUMMY.  It's so awful you can't have it.  Don't you wish you could have some?") or pitiers ("I feel so sorry for you that you can't eat it"). 

At every single meal we ate together, she'd bring up my vegetarianism and go on about how awful it was I couldn't eat this, I couldn't eat that.

I do not eat meat, but I try not to draw attention to it.  In a case like your 'friend' though, I would start explaining WHY I do not eat meat.  (for me, this involves how we handle and process our meat as well as whether or not the animals are killed humanely)  As part of my training, I had a class on meat inspection (it was being presented as a great job option) and I never ate meat again unless I knew who hunted it and how it was prepared.  So I would start explaining in great detail where her lunch came from- I rarely make it very far before I am asked to stop (esp if they are eating!) 

I have a brother who likes to ask if I am "allowed" to eat this or that and I frequently tell him that it is not a religion and I can eat what I want, I just choose not to eat some things as it is not worth it to me.

I do not understand why people feel the need to be so involved in what someone else is eating!  I will say though, that it would be a huge lifestyle change for me to go gluten-free and I am grateful I don't have to, but it still would never occur to me to pity or question someone who is, for whatever reason.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: bansidhe on February 17, 2013, 10:47:33 PM
I have had this problem a number of times.  I'm not gluten-intolerant, I'm a vegetarian, and so many times I've run across gloaters ("oh, this bacon is SOOOO YUMMY.  It's so awful you can't have it.  Don't you wish you could have some?") or pitiers ("I feel so sorry for you that you can't eat it"). 

If you don't mind what might be a white lie, tell these people that you became a vegetarian because you don't like meat and therefore, you don't miss it one bit.  That's actually the truth in my case, though there are certainly moral and ethical reasons now, also. Saying you don't like meat takes the wind right out of their sails.  ;D
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Danika on February 17, 2013, 11:07:01 PM
I do not understand why people feel the need to be so involved in what someone else is eating!

POD! To me, it's being preachy. I don't like people preaching religion, politics, recycling, eating habits or anything else. I don't want to debate with them and I don't want to convince them. Nor do I want to hear their opinions on things I've heard a million times before.

I find people who are like this to be really unpleasant. I follow the saying "Don't engage the crazy." That's why, to people like this, I give short one word replies in a very monotone voice and either beandip or walk away.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Minmom3 on February 18, 2013, 10:31:17 PM
I have found most people take it more seriously if you say you have celiac disease instead of saying you're gluten-free.  The former makes it clear that it's a medical condition and not a choice.  It's serious stuff and should be taken seriously.

My latex allergy is rarely taken seriously.  People make snarky jokes about my Scrabble life or ask why I'm wary of balloons.  A contact reaction will make my body discolor and scab over.  Don't ask what happens to my throat and lungs when someone pops a ton of balloons too close to me (this has happened and I had to miss work the next day).

Wow.  Nobody blows that one off at anyplace I've ever worked.  They take it so seriously it was entirely taken out of the vet tech lab at school - because every other year or so, they get a student with an allergy to latex, and all 4 hospitals I've worked in have gradually switched to just nitrile gloves all the time, and that's without having any employees with a latex allergy.  It's just easier to pre-handle it, so to speak.

I'm sorry people are such jerks to you about it.
Title: Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 19, 2013, 08:29:28 AM
When I started my new job, I let my supervisors know that I had a contact allergy to latex and asked for nitrile gloves.  Not only did I get nitrile gloves, they made the decision to remove latex gloves from the office completely and everybody uses nitrile, now.  We only need them a couple of times a month out in the field but it's nice that I don't have to worry about what box of gloves I grab.

JacklynHyde, I'm sorry you haven't had the same experience.