Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Etiquette of the Rich and Famous => Topic started by: Winterlight on February 22, 2013, 11:06:50 AM

Title: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: Winterlight on February 22, 2013, 11:06:50 AM
link (http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2013/02/21/dean-cain-not-surprised-by-ex-mindy-mcready-suicide/1935261/)

Quote
Dean Cain, who was engaged to the singer for about a year starting in 1997, tells People, "I'm saddened to hear of her passing, but I'm not surprised."

Apparently, it wasn't drugs and alcohol that ultimately forced the former Lois & Clark star to break off their union, but McCready's manipulative, dishonest behavior. "She was never abusive or addictive with me, but red flags were everywhere," he tells the magazine. "I saw all the bad signs and told her to get out." To escape the situation, he had to leave his own home for a hotel. "Everything she did was a manipulation of sorts. She would just get combative."

You've been split up for fifteen years. She died five days ago. You couldn't wait to trash her to the press? What about a simple, "My thoughts are with her children at this terrible time?"
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: Sharnita on February 22, 2013, 02:29:07 PM
It is possible she put him through hell.  I feel badly for her kids but I feel badly for everyone who tried to help and love her and suffered as a result.  I don't know what she siad or did to him and I don't know what pain or scars he still bears.  If I recall he was on a tv show with Chirs Kyle who just died tragically.  Then this happened.  Ideally he would have said something different but then ideally she would be alive and wouldn't have hurt the people she loved.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: TurtleDove on February 22, 2013, 02:33:32 PM
POD to Sharnita.  I don't see how what he said was trashing her.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: oceanus on February 22, 2013, 02:40:08 PM
I think that regardless of veracity, Deanís remarks were in very poor taste.  Iím not saying he should be a hypocrite or throw praise at someone who he doesnít feel deserves it, but he should have said less and worded it differently.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: audrey1962 on February 22, 2013, 02:42:51 PM
I think that when we lose a loved one, especially from suicide, we're not always thinking straight. I try not to judge those who have lost someone.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: Amava on February 22, 2013, 02:45:59 PM
I think you have to be very careful believing what words the media put into someone's mouth.
Take it with a kilo of salt.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: TurtleDove on February 22, 2013, 02:53:51 PM
I also think this is the important part:
Quote
As for McCready's sons, Cain is heartbroken. "My first thought was of the poor kids. To think about the legacy those boys have been left, it's just tragic. ... All her troubles were self-inflicted. She had everything. She was a tremendous talent but everything about it was a waste."



The bolded is spot on.  I believe suicide is incredibly selfish.  There is no way to sugarcoat what she did.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: Twik on February 22, 2013, 04:07:28 PM
I wonder if the remarks are those he sent out, or a rather unprepared response on having a reporter call him and ask for comments? If they were deliberately released, I would consider them very poor taste. But if he got a call from a reporter, who got him reminiscing in an unguarded way about a girl he'd once loved, they're less offensive.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: Dalek on February 22, 2013, 04:38:01 PM
As long as Cain isn't telling her family to stop grieving and expecting her mom to hate her, I think he's fine. He probably should have declined the interview though.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: TurtleDove on February 22, 2013, 05:01:55 PM
I don't think Dean did anything wrong. I don't like it when people who have died are turned into different people altogether in the memories of those who lived them. Especially in cases of suicide, I don't grasp the desire to honor the person or look for a reason for the senseless decision. I think it's really harmful because it sends the message that there was a justifiable reason, if only we look hard enough and long enough. I also think "honoring" people who commit suicide sends an awful message of " here is a way to get people to notice you and say nice things about you."
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: cross_patch on February 22, 2013, 07:17:00 PM
I don't think Dean did anything wrong. I don't like it when people who have died are turned into different people altogether in the memories of those who lived them. Especially in cases of suicide, I don't grasp the desire to honor the person or look for a reason for the senseless decision. I think it's really harmful because it sends the message that there was a justifiable reason, if only we look hard enough and long enough. I also think "honoring" people who commit suicide sends an awful message of " here is a way to get people to notice you and say nice things about you."

That is frankly offensive to me. People do not generally commit suicide because they 'want someone to notice them and say nice things about them'.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: Sharnita on February 22, 2013, 07:21:11 PM
I don't think Dean did anything wrong. I don't like it when people who have died are turned into different people altogether in the memories of those who lived them. Especially in cases of suicide, I don't grasp the desire to honor the person or look for a reason for the senseless decision. I think it's really harmful because it sends the message that there was a justifiable reason, if only we look hard enough and long enough. I also think "honoring" people who commit suicide sends an awful message of " here is a way to get people to notice you and say nice things about you."

That is frankly offensive to me. People do not generally commit suicide because they 'want someone to notice them and say nice things about them'.

I think that people might imagine how people will react "when I am gone".  I also think that OP has had very real and personal experience with this topic that informs her views, as many of us might.  Somebody else might have views that are shaped by their own experiences.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: oceanus on February 22, 2013, 08:03:20 PM
I don't think Dean did anything wrong. I don't like it when people who have died are turned into different people altogether in the memories of those who lived them. Especially in cases of suicide, I don't grasp the desire to honor the person or look for a reason for the senseless decision. I think it's really harmful because it sends the message that there was a justifiable reason, if only we look hard enough and long enough. I also think "honoring" people who commit suicide sends an awful message of " here is a way to get people to notice you and say nice things about you."

Who was "honoring" Mindy McCready, and who was "honoring" suicide? ??? 

The issue is "Is it okay to give an interview trashing someone who just died that you had a relationship with 15 yrs ago?"
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: AustenFan on February 22, 2013, 08:07:08 PM
So it's now universally agreed he was trashing her? That's a heck of an interesting assumption, Oceanus.

Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: oceanus on February 22, 2013, 08:10:25 PM
So it's now universally agreed he was trashing her? That's a heck of an interesting assumption, Oceanus.
I don't know what you mean by "universally" agreed.  I said it; I wasn't speaking for the universe.  I'm not that powerful.

Yes, *I* feel he trashed her.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: Sharnita on February 22, 2013, 08:14:52 PM
I don't think Dean did anything wrong. I don't like it when people who have died are turned into different people altogether in the memories of those who lived them. Especially in cases of suicide, I don't grasp the desire to honor the person or look for a reason for the senseless decision. I think it's really harmful because it sends the message that there was a justifiable reason, if only we look hard enough and long enough. I also think "honoring" people who commit suicide sends an awful message of " here is a way to get people to notice you and say nice things about you."

Who was "honoring" Mindy McCready, and who was "honoring" suicide? ???  Certainly not Dean McCain.

The issue is "Is it okay to give an interview and trash someone who just died that you had a relationship with 15 yrs ago?"

I think TurtleDove means that there is a tendency of sanitizing people after they have passed away.  I have seen this myself.  Students who died while committing armed robbery remebered as great kids, posters made in their honor, etc.  Mindy's actions while alive hurt a lot of people and her suicide unquestionably caused pain as well.  I think that TurleDove feels that there is no need to to "protect" her from that reality or to soft sell that reality of suicide in general.  I imagine some people feel  that Mr. Cain's statement simply reflects the honest reality of all of that.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: oceanus on February 22, 2013, 08:19:31 PM
Sharnita, TurtleDove expressed herself quite clearly.  I don't think interpretation is needed (at least, not for me).  She has her opinion, and I understand what she meant.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: Sharnita on February 22, 2013, 08:21:43 PM
Then why did you ask clarifying questions?
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: TurtleDove on February 22, 2013, 08:46:55 PM

I think TurtleDove means that there is a tendency of sanitizing people after they have passed away.  I have seen this myself.  Students who died while committing armed robbery remebered as great kids, posters made in their honor, etc.  Mindy's actions while alive hurt a lot of people and her suicide unquestionably caused pain as well.  I think that TurleDove feels that there is no need to to "protect" her from that reality or to soft sell that reality of suicide in general.  I imagine some people feel  that Mr. Cain's statement simply reflects the honest reality of all of that.

Sharnita, yes, exactly.  Thank you for stating this so well.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: oceanus on February 22, 2013, 08:48:56 PM
I directed a question to TurtleDove asking who was honoring Mindy McCready and who was honoring suicide.  I asked because I didn't see/haven't seen or heard that anyone is doing that and I was curious.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: TurtleDove on February 22, 2013, 08:51:57 PM

Who was "honoring" Mindy McCready, and who was "honoring" suicide? ??? 

The issue is "Is it okay to give an interview trashing someone who just died that you had a relationship with 15 yrs ago?"

I don't think Dean trashed Mindy.  I think he was honest about his interaction with her.  I find that refreshing and healthy. As I pointed out upthread, he shows much caring about her children.  I believe that sugarcoating the reality of what someone who commits suicide was and did is quite harmful.  My issue is with the idea that only good things can be said about someone who kills herself.  I find that troubling and counterproductive.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: *inviteseller on February 22, 2013, 09:39:12 PM
It may have been 15 yrs, and maybe he should have used the 'if you don't have anything nice to say..." rule, but if you have ever been truly hurt by someone in life, I don't feel you should sugar coat it in death.  What he said wasn't trashing her, but expressing his true feelings.  And, I don't really follow celebrity news too closely, but as a country music fan, I do vaguely remember her trashing him after the breakup  and saying some really vile things. 
And Sharnita, I agree 100 % with how people some how are absolved in death, even in the case of celebrities, they are put up as some golden idol because they went 'too soon', and that saddens me because it doesn't teach future generations other than you can take all the drugs you want but as long as you sing or act, it is ok, and when you finally kills yourself by OD or suicide, you will be a bigger hero.  To me, his words were kind of refreshing because everyone was gushing about her in the media, and he just stated the truth.
Title: Re: Mindy McCready's ex-fiance speaks
Post by: TurtleDove on February 22, 2013, 09:56:35 PM
Perfectly stated, *inviteseller.