Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: gen xer on February 22, 2013, 04:46:02 PM

Title: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: gen xer on February 22, 2013, 04:46:02 PM

Anyone else have family / inlaws / friends where a goodbye can literally take over an hour?  DH's family is like this at every family gathering.  It's like trying to herd cats getting everyone out the door.  It's starting to bother me because it seems like it is always up to me to
a) initiate the departure - DH is an overstayer and if I didn't tell him it's time to go he'd never leave.
b) physically usher ourselves out the door

I feel rude always being the one to hurry things along and end the visit.  Last time I was really impolite after having reminded DH of our agreed upon time to drive home almost two hours and get ready for the work / school week ahead.  The goodbye was dragging into infinity and and I barked out "It is 5:00 pm DH!!!  We still haven't eaten dinner and at this rate we won't be home before midnight!  Now let's get the e-hell out of here - we were supposed to be on the road over an hour ago!!"

Everyone stopped talking and we finally left....but I felt like a heel afterwards and ended up apologizing to everyone for snapping.  I find it so frustrating - it seems like I have to snap before we move and subtle hints just don't cut it. 
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: DottyG on February 22, 2013, 05:01:45 PM
I don't think your wording was bad (albeit with a couple of changes) - it was more of the tone, from what it sounds like.

I think a gentle "It is 5:00 pm, Honey!!!  We still haven't eaten dinner and, if we don't get on the road, we won't be home before midnight!  We should have been on the road an hour ago, so let's let our hosts go now and get moving!" would be fine.  You start moving towards the door and make it clear that you're heading out, as it's time to go.

Don't get to the point that you snap.  Just address it calmly in enough time that you can round the crew up and get them mobilized more gently before you blow.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: Raintree on February 22, 2013, 05:13:37 PM
Sometimes I employ the "well we mustn't keep you" strategy.

"I think we'd better get going; it's 5 PM and we must be off so we can let you all get your dinner." (As you're putting on your coat and walking away).
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: Auntie Mame on February 22, 2013, 05:17:37 PM
I have a friend (bless his heart) that will take an hour to say goodbye if you let him. Polite hints do not work, you have to be blunt with him.   He always just wants to tell you one more quick thing.  :D  Thankfully he knows this is a bad habit of his and he doesn't take offense when I hand him his coat and shoes and say "Love you sweetie, now get out".    He'll laugh and head towards the door Him: "Oh, one more"...  Me: "No! Shoo! Love you!"

So one thing I do with him now is start giving him warnings on end times "Okay friend, I have until 9:30, it's 8:30 now."  Then I continue countdown.  “Okay friend, we have a half an hour.  We have fifteen minutes.  It’s 9:30, I have to go to bed now.  I will give him about 10 or 15 minutes leeway at this point but then I will resort to opening the door and pointing to the porch while he cheekily yells “just one more thing” as I close the door (this is now a running joke).

Maybe try the countdown thing with your DH.  So he knows when to start saying his goodbyes.  Give him the updates in a cheerful way.  “Hey hon, we have a half an hour, have you said goodbye to cousin Judy yet?”  That way he can start the goodbyes before the leave time.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: DottyG on February 22, 2013, 05:19:31 PM
Auntie Mame has a good idea there.

Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: Hmmmmm on February 22, 2013, 06:08:31 PM
Thankfully, my DH and I are the type to agree on a departure time when we arrive at an event and we are both pretty darn good and taking our leave and backing each other up. My SIL used to laugh that we were the only parents she'd ever seen who could stand up and say "Ok, we're leaving" and bundle up to toddlers and all their stuff and be in the car backing out within 2 minutes flat.

However, I have a BIL (sis's DH) that can take FOREVER to leave. He always has one more story to tell and then he has to come back in to make sure he didn't forget something and then that will remind him of something else he has to tell you and then he wants to make sure Sis has all of her stuff and doesn't she want to go back in to check and "oh by the way I noticed that tree limb might need cutting" and I have a great guy who I can recommend and then there's the story about how me met the great tree trimming guy....It's exhausting.

So after 30 year of marriage, Sis starts doing much like Auntie Mame.  "DH, we're leaving in 10 minutes, where's your X?" Then in 10 minutes she gets up and says "Ok we're leaving, love you guys, see you next time" goes out to the car and gets in and then that let's us say "Sis is in the car, you better go" and start walking away.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: gen xer on February 22, 2013, 06:18:09 PM
 I was usually the one to start getting everything ready, bags, coats, shoes etc and rounding up the kids.  DH knows it's time to go but invariably I was the one standing there trying fruitlessly to wrap up the conversations :

"OK....well...we need to go get on the road" or "It's a two hour drive ahead of us DH"...but I was just talked over and ignored until I finally raised my voice.

I wish I hadn't yelled but by golly I was getting mad.  Believe me I have tried the subtle hints and the wind down where I am reminding close to departure time but absolutely nothing seems to work...and I really wish I could find something effective and yet polite.  I have tried talking to DH about it away from the situation and he alwasy agrees with me....but sure as God made little green apples the next family visit it's the same old thing.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: Oh Joy on February 22, 2013, 06:45:13 PM
Ahhh, yes.  We call it 'the Minnesota goodbye' here!

I suggest you ask DH.  Would he rather start the process an hour before you want to pull out, or would he prefer a more expedient departure?
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: suzieQ on February 22, 2013, 06:57:54 PM
DH used to do this to me and it drove me nuts! His family all smoked, and cigarette smoke gives me headaches. So I had to spend the entire visit outside anyway, then when I thought it was over - it wasn't! There was another hour of stories, good-byes, someone pulling up and DH had to talk to them too, etc.

I finally quit going with him and then he would call me to let me know he was on the way home. I'd expect him to arrive 45 minutes later and he never did. It would be 2 to 3 hours later. I told him not to call me "when he was leaving" because it just made me worry that something had happened when he didn't get home on time. (this was before we had cell phones).

With him, it didn't stop until he stopped visiting them. Once his Mom passed, the visits "back home" fizzled out.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: snappylt on February 22, 2013, 06:59:41 PM
Gen xer, I like your word "overstayer"!  My wife often is an overstayer, especially when we're visiting her family.  It's odd, she is almost always late arriving at these events, but once she is there she usually hates to leave.

To be fair, we are usually very busy and she does cherish her time to relax with these people she loves so much.  But sometimes I start feeling uncomfortable, such as where our hosts look very tired, we're the last or almost the last guests there, and then our hosts start yawning...

And when our kids were younger they would often (but not always) get bored at her family gatherings, especially if there were no other kids to play with there.

So, if we all went in the same car, I would try to negotiate ahead of time a time when we would leave.  If my wife had agreed upon a time, I'd go ahead and start getting the kids ready after the agreed-upon time, load up our car, and then say good-bye to everyone and then ask my wife to join us in the car.  The kids and I would wait in the car anywhere from five to twenty more minutes for my wife to say all of her long good-byes, but eventually she would come to the car and we would leave (usually 30 to 60 minutes after the agreed-upon time).

I'll admit there were a few times when she just would not come out to the car to leave with us.   After 15 or twenty minutes I'd go back inside and whisper to her that it was time to leave now.  If another 10 or 15 minutes would go by, I actually once or twice went inside and asked another relative who lived near us if he would give Mrs. Snappy a ride home if I went ahead and took the kids home myself.  (I never left Mrs. Snappy behind without a ride arranged and always only if she agreed to the arrangement.)


What was much easier for us was when we would take separate cars to her family's parties.  I could arrive on time and she could be as late as she wanted.  I could leave after four or five hours (with the kids, usually) and she could stay until she was the last guest there (as she often was).  Everyone was happy.

Taking two cars is harder to do now because gasoline is more expensive and our finances are tighter, but that surely was easier for us!

OP, I take it you live so far away that asking another relative to give your husband a ride is not possible?

I agree that this can be very frustrating, and when it would happen when we had only one car, I would feel guilty about wanting Mrs. Snappy to keep her promises about departure times.  Then again, Mrs. Snappy was showing the kids and me disrespect by not keeping those promises, wasn't she?  (Two cars really was better when we could do that!)
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: Winterlight on February 22, 2013, 07:36:09 PM
I suggest you ask DH.  Would he rather start the process an hour before you want to pull out, or would he prefer a more expedient departure?

This. Of course, then he has to pick one and stick to it. And be sure to define "expedient!"

I agree that this can be very frustrating, and when it would happen when we had only one car, I would feel guilty about wanting Mrs. Snappy to keep her promises about departure times.  Then again, Mrs. Snappy was showing the kids and me disrespect by not keeping those promises, wasn't she?  (Two cars really was better when we could do that!)

I think it's disrespectful to agree on something and then go back on your word without a really good mitigating stance. Aunt Savannah is having heart palpitations and you're the only one with medical training- fine. You can't be bothered to leave on time? Rude.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: Brisvegasgal on February 22, 2013, 07:50:47 PM
My DH does the same thing but it only bothers me when there is a reason to get going home.  His family gatherings usually happen on a Sunday lunch, so by 6pm, I'm wanting to drive the 30 minutes home to give the kids dinner and make sure everything is ok for school then next day.  We had similar 'agreements' about what time we were leaving and, like you, DH usually broke the until I would snap.

I had a chat with him about it well before the next visit, calmly explained why his behaviour stressed me (I even wrote it on a piece of paper so I would remember everything) and asked him how we could address this the next time.  Our agreement was that about half an hour before our agreed departure time I would quietly gather the our things and put them near the door, the 15 minutes quietly say to him that there was 15 minutes.  He agreed that he wouldn't get upset but would say his goodbyes and we would leave.  Of course the leaving time is a bit flexible and we now have a quite chat if he wants to stay longer and HE has to come up with a plan for dinner and school prep. 

Good luck.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: cheyne on February 22, 2013, 08:32:31 PM
Ahhh, yes.  We call it 'the Minnesota goodbye' here!

I suggest you ask DH.  Would he rather start the process an hour before you want to pull out, or would he prefer a more expedient departure?

Bolding mine.

When we lived in Minnesota we would go to DH's grandparents house for ALL holidays for the first 3 years we were there.  Dinner was always at 12:30 but Grandpa expected everyone to be there until at least 4 pm "lunch" and preferably through supper and finish with 9:00 pm "lunch".  When this started we had a 6 year old and a newborn with a 45 minute drive home.  When we would try to leave by 3:30 or so it was at least an two hours of "goodbyes" with Grandpa not letting us leave!  DH felt he couldn't say anything to his Grandpa and we just had to put up with it.  I worked a job that did not give us multiple days off for holidays, so often I had to get up at 5:30 the next morning to go to work.

After 4 or 5 of these Holidays, with me herding kids, dealing with a tired and cranky kid and baby, and being polite about saying, "Hey we have to go now.", I talked to DH before the next time and got him to agree that we would leave at 4 pm.  At the holiday, I pulled Grandpa aside and asked him to understand that I had to get the kids home, fed, bathed and ready for the next day and if he would help us get out the door at 4 pm. I would so appreciate it.  We left at 4:15 that day and it did get better as time went on.

I truly loved DH's grandpa, but he didn't understand the work involved in caring for two small kids and working full time.  Once I got him as an ally, it was a lot easier to leave on time.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: sammycat on February 22, 2013, 08:37:15 PM
In my dad's large family (aka, Rent-A-Crowd ;D) we have what is known as the 'Surname Family Goodbye' (to be patented). It's usually restricted to larger gatherings, but it does sometimes happen within smaller subsets as well.

It basically involves two more cups of tea, a piece of cake, a series of 'goodbye' photos, a story or two, and finally a flurry of hugs, kisses and 'see you soon'. It takes an average of 60-90 minutes, and I have to admit I love it. :D

If I want to leave at 6pm, I usually start saying goodbye at 5pm. It's part of the way our/dad's family is and I'll miss it as the older generation starts to get smaller and smaller.  :-\

I think it just comes down to individual family dynamics. In my mother's family, goodbyes are usually short and quick, and that's fine too. But whatever the dynamics, it's only going to work if both parties are on the same page. A husband who likes long goodbyes, but a wife who hates them, need to work out between themselves beforehand how they are going to handle it, or it will breed resentment in one party.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: TootsNYC on February 22, 2013, 08:47:56 PM
When my kids were little, every time we went over to the ILs' house (weekly at least) my MIL used to start coming up with things to talk to the kids about, or things to show us/have them do--as soon as I said, "It's time for us to go."

I finally had to be very blunt about it and point out what she was doing and directly speak to her about it each time it happened.

She finally got better, but I had to consciously train her.

And once we were visiting friends for dinner and they were clearly ready for us to go home, and getting irked, and I'd get us up and nearly to the door, and some topic would come up in conversation (often it was our hosts getting the conversational ball rolling), and suddenly it was 20 minutes later. We'd all *really* enjoyed the 20 minutes of conversation, but it was *later*, and we all wanted the night to END!!!.

After an hour of this, I said, "Honey, shut up, no don't talk, we have to leave now, or these people will never want to see us again. No, host, don't say anything! No one talk. No one bring up ANYthing, we are going out the door, because I don't want you to hate us tomorrow!"

Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: Allyson on February 22, 2013, 08:49:19 PM
I have a friend like this. It's not just goodbyes--any interaction or conversation with him will take 3 times as long as you think it will. He's an amazing conversationalist, so smart and interesting, and therefore draws everyone else around him into wanting to keep talking as well. I run a group with him and a couple of other people and I am *always* the one who has to make sure the meetings stay on track, that we get everything done that we need to do, or else Tangent McSidetracker will have us all discussing something only vaguely related to what we need to do.

I end up feeling like a bit of heel too because I have to get more and more insistent. What works for me is to say a quick, cheerful "And speaking of Topic..." even though nobody was. That usually gets the point across, but not always.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: gen xer on February 22, 2013, 10:05:19 PM
When my kids were little, every time we went over to the ILs' house (weekly at least) my MIL used to start coming up with things to talk to the kids about, or things to show us/have them do--as soon as I said, "It's time for us to go."

I finally had to be very blunt about it and point out what she was doing and directly speak to her about it each time it happened.

She finally got better, but I had to consciously train her.

And once we were visiting friends for dinner and they were clearly ready for us to go home, and getting irked, and I'd get us up and nearly to the door, and some topic would come up in conversation (often it was our hosts getting the conversational ball rolling), and suddenly it was 20 minutes later. We'd all *really* enjoyed the 20 minutes of conversation, but it was *later*, and we all wanted the night to END!!!.

After an hour of this, I said, "Honey, shut up, no don't talk, we have to leave now, or these people will never want to see us again. No, host, don't say anything! No one talk. No one bring up ANYthing, we are going out the door, because I don't want you to hate us tomorrow!"

I love that last part of your post!  I might have to try that!

As far as the overstaying I'm like Snappy and I start feeling uncomfortable if we stay anywhere too long.  I don't want to be those people that don't have a clue and keep staying on and staying on, disrupting the rest of the day or evening.  After all I have been on the other end wishing guests would go home so I could either go to bed or get ready for the next day.   I was always taught that one should try not to be that last person / family at a gathering.

But DH....I love him dearly but I dread the goodbyes - you know how there is a sudden lull in the conversation for a brief second and I think I have my chance to hustle us out the door until someone inevitably revives the conversation, starts making plans for the next get together, asks if we want more food for the road ( lord no not more food ), warns us about weather, traffic etc.....

Unfortunately a raised voice has been the only thing that has worked so far - the conversation ceased like a record scratch in the movies....and I was undoubtedly raked over the coals afterward but darn it....we were out of there in two minutes afterward.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: kudeebee on February 22, 2013, 11:28:33 PM
An hour before your agreed upon time to leave, you need to say to dh "dh we need to leave in one hour."  Then gather up the belongings so that they are ready to go, even take them out to the car.  Then all you need is the kids and dh.  15 minutes before, "dh would you get the kids while I make sure we have everything before we say goodbye?"  Then he will be up and moving.  You can head him off so he can't sit, give  him a kid's coat to put on, something to carry, and guide him to door.

You will have to tell him you are going to start the reminder an hour in advance so that you can leave on time.  Explain your reasons--length of drive, need to get kids home and fed, you need to relax before bed.  It will probably take several times, but hopefully he will buy in/get it and this overstaying will end.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: DollyPond on February 23, 2013, 09:17:31 AM
When we would try to leave by 3:30 or so it was at least an two hours of "goodbyes" with Grandpa not letting us leave!  DH felt he couldn't say anything to his Grandpa and we just had to put up with it. 

I had a former friend who was like this (a big part of why she's "former") who would invite you over for dinner then hold you hostage for hours on end.  I distinctly remember one time when the goodbye had gone on for way too long and she was literally blocking the door so that I could not leave.  It actually got kind of creepy at that point and so I stopped accepting invitations from her. 

The final blow came after she "told off" another set of friends for only issuing her a verbal invitation to their holiday dinner.  Apparently this was interpreted as a deliberate snub.  But that's a story for another time.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: BarensMom on February 23, 2013, 09:22:18 AM
I have a friend that does this.  We went to dinner the other night and it was like pulling nails from a board to first get her out of the room, then the restroom, across the parking lot and into the car because she kept seeing people she knew and "just had to say a few words to them."  I can understand saying hello, but it had to be a full conversation (with the exact same content) every time. :P  Telling her that I had to get up early the next day didn't make a dent.

Getting her out of the car is in several steps, and she is talking all the while:  1 - she opens the door; 2 - she puts one foot out; 3 - swings her body but not the second foot; 4 - second foot is out; 5 - derriere is off the seat; 6 - out of the car but is hanging on the door; 7 - closes the door, but window may be open; 8 - continues to talk through open window; 9 - starts up her walkway; 10 - I wait to see if she makes it to her front door; 11 - Escape!  This whole time the door alarm is dinging away, the overhead light is blinking, freezing air is coming into the car, but Friend is cluelessly yakking away. 
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: Luxie on February 23, 2013, 09:26:04 AM
We called this "The Minnesota Goodbye" back home. The theory was that our Minnesota niceness made us too nice to leave/ kick one another out. :)
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: Bijou on February 23, 2013, 11:11:53 AM
Ahhh, yes.  We call it 'the Minnesota goodbye' here!

I suggest you ask DH.  Would he rather start the process an hour before you want to pull out, or would he prefer a more expedient departure?
I didn't know my husband was from Minnesota.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: RooRoo on February 23, 2013, 03:06:14 PM
And I've never been there.

It's been great to see you! Wait, did I ever tell you about the time I had this fabulous discussion with a complete stranger about the canals on Mars, and that reminds me about the moons of Jupiter, did you know that one of them is solid ice? And...  >:D

Yeah, I can be a bit of an overstayer...
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: Lady Snowdon on February 23, 2013, 05:18:03 PM
My DH's family is like this, absolutely!  Once upon a time, he was under the impression that he had to say good bye to everybody, individually, or it wasn't "nice" (yes, we are in Minnesota, why do you ask?  :P ).  This would turn into more conversation, which would last for another 30 minutes plus, and so on and so forth.  I learned a couple of tricks along the way.  Not sure how helpful they would be for the OP, but worth putting them out there.

First, say good bye to people in groups.  We go up to a group of people in conversation, catch the attention of one of them, and say, "We have to get going, it was so lovely to see everyone!".  This counts, IMO, as telling each of them good bye.  The nice part about this is that everyone can continue their conversation after we leave, so there's none of the "Oh wait, I forgot to tell you about the..." comments; they're back in conversation with each other.

Or I will smile and tell DH we have to get going, so that there's topics of conversation left for the next time we see people.  "Honey, if we talk about everything in the world tonight, we won't have anything to talk about next time we see the Smiths!  Come on, we have to go."  This has gotten a lot of laughter and acceptance that the gathering is over the times I've used it.   

Lastly, if I'm wanting to leave, and DH is cluelessly chatting away, after having told me "just another few minutes" for the past hour, I will go up to him, tell him we need to go because *insert random reason here*, say good bye, and then I will literally start towing him away.  As in, I grab his arm and start moving.  I keep a smile on my face, I laugh if anyone sees us and asks about it, I'm never mean or irritating or showstopping.  I also don't stop moving.  "Yep, we have to get going.  I know, it's a shame.  Last time we were out, the dog tried to eat the couch, so we need to go back and make sure everything's still there.  I know, dogs are weird.  It was lovely to see you.  We'll have to get together again soon!" - all the while as I'm moving both of us to the door. 
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: gen xer on February 23, 2013, 06:50:02 PM
I have a friend that does this.  We went to dinner the other night and it was like pulling nails from a board to first get her out of the room, then the restroom, across the parking lot and into the car because she kept seeing people she knew and "just had to say a few words to them."  I can understand saying hello, but it had to be a full conversation (with the exact same content) every time. :P  Telling her that I had to get up early the next day didn't make a dent.

Getting her out of the car is in several steps, and she is talking all the while:  1 - she opens the door; 2 - she puts one foot out; 3 - swings her body but not the second foot; 4 - second foot is out; 5 - derriere is off the seat; 6 - out of the car but is hanging on the door; 7 - closes the door, but window may be open; 8 - continues to talk through open window; 9 - starts up her walkway; 10 - I wait to see if she makes it to her front door; 11 - Escape!  This whole time the door alarm is dinging away, the overhead light is blinking, freezing air is coming into the car, but Friend is cluelessly yakking away.

Arrgghhhh!  My kids do that getting out of the car!  It drove me batty - what could possibly take so long to open a door, undo a seatbelt and get the heck out.....

But trying to leave with DH is like running the gauntlet - and even though we aren't Minnesotans ( Ontarians actually ) he thinks the same as Lady Snowdon's DH - that you have to say goodbye to each person individually, the children have to get their kisses and hugs in individually and that each time someone leaves it has to be a collective seeing off for each person - that means EVERYONE moves en masse to the front door where you linger for another hour or so.

Extricating yourself has to be bloody and brutal or you are swallowed into the black hole.....hence the borderline yelling I had to do.  I felt rude and yet oddly exhilarated....
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: BarensMom on February 23, 2013, 07:13:53 PM
I have a friend that does this.  We went to dinner the other night and it was like pulling nails from a board to first get her out of the room, then the restroom, across the parking lot and into the car because she kept seeing people she knew and "just had to say a few words to them."  I can understand saying hello, but it had to be a full conversation (with the exact same content) every time. :P  Telling her that I had to get up early the next day didn't make a dent.

Getting her out of the car is in several steps, and she is talking all the while:  1 - she opens the door; 2 - she puts one foot out; 3 - swings her body but not the second foot; 4 - second foot is out; 5 - derriere is off the seat; 6 - out of the car but is hanging on the door; 7 - closes the door, but window may be open; 8 - continues to talk through open window; 9 - starts up her walkway; 10 - I wait to see if she makes it to her front door; 11 - Escape!  This whole time the door alarm is dinging away, the overhead light is blinking, freezing air is coming into the car, but Friend is cluelessly yakking away.

Arrgghhhh!  My kids do that getting out of the car!  It drove me batty - what could possibly take so long to open a door, undo a seatbelt and get the heck out.....

But trying to leave with DH is like running the gauntlet - and even though we aren't Minnesotans ( Ontarians actually ) he thinks the same as Lady Snowdon's DH - that you have to say goodbye to each person individually, the children have to get their kisses and hugs in individually and that each time someone leaves it has to be a collective seeing off for each person - that means EVERYONE moves en masse to the front door where you linger for another hour or so.

Extricating yourself has to be bloody and brutal or you are swallowed into the black hole.....hence the borderline yelling I had to do.  I felt rude and yet oddly exhilarated....

You reminded me that I forgot a step:  1 - Yakking away while fumbling with seat belt, resulting in me reaching over and pressing the button to undo the thing.

I feel for you, gen xer.  My mother's family was the same way - to get those people out of the house took hours, because they would only move an inch towards the door every half hour, and say goodbye to everyone at least twice.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: PeterM on February 23, 2013, 11:51:26 PM
I feel for you, gen xer.  My mother's family was the same way - to get those people out of the house took hours, because they would only move an inch towards the door every half hour, and say goodbye to everyone at least twice.

I had a couple customers like this one night when I worked at a bookstore. We closed at six, I had to do a few minutes worth of stuff after closing, and then move real fast to make it to the bus stop before the last bus of the night left.

It's six o'clock and the store is closed, but two customers are lingering and chatting before leaving. Which wasn't a big deal until I realize I'm just about done and they haven't moved. I start trying to usher them out the door, but they're having none of it. I finally had to break into their conversation and explicitly ask them to leave, and one of them snaps, "We are!" as if I'm the most unreasonable person in the history of the world.

All I could think to say was, "No, you're not." That offended them enough to get them out the door, at least. The weird part is we were inside a larger building. It's not like I was kicking them out into the street, just ten feet away to somewhere just as comfortable. There was even a bench right outside the door to the store.

I finished the rest of my work in record time and flew out the door. In the few minutes I'd taken to finish they'd made it almost to the bus stop I was heading for. Somehow they'd managed to learn the art of walking and talking at the same time. They glared at me as I passed them, of course.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: gemma156 on February 24, 2013, 12:52:41 AM
When dealing with my hubby on this matter it never worked to communicate on how just half and hour more, translated into just how late our children were able to finally seek their beds - and be rested for the next day.  Christmas was the worst times, it all ended up with me staying up past midnight to wrap and place the presents under the tree.  After this happened the second time, I refused to let hubby go to bed and be rested for the big day with family.

I informed him that I had done it the last two times visits with his family blew out, (right from the start his sister was late in appearing and she only lived a half hour away, as compared to us who had to travel from another city to attend), so we got home as usual past 9 which meant the children would be fast asleep for another 2 hours due the excitement of what the next day was.  He had to settle the children and individually wrap and label all the presents and place them under the tree.  He came to bed after 2 in the morning.  From then on he got, we then left at the time we said we would leave at (which was 4pm), drove an hour home, bathed the children and then cooked tea and had tea at a reasonable hour, children in bed on time.

The next time we arrived at his parent's house and his sister was running late, so his mother held tea over - he would inform her then we wouldn't be having time for afterwards, as we needed to leave by ___ time.  His mother then got the point when we did just that.  No longer was our family held to what I considered at the time as " time ransom" by his sister's family who had the shortest travel time to arrive to events.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: NyaChan on February 24, 2013, 12:22:59 PM
Wow, good job gemma. 
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: baglady on February 24, 2013, 03:54:23 PM
I've been known to tell Bagman, "You say goodbye like deaf people!" (The long goodbye is a staple of Deaf culture, a holdover from the days when the only way to communicate outside of snail mail was in person, so there's a lot of "Oh, one more thing ..." as part of the leavetaking ritual.)

I feel as if I'm the rude one, though, as I want to say goodbye and get the heck out, while he wants to have five or six more "Oh, BTW..." conversations between the "gotta go" and the actual departure.
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: Bluenomi on February 24, 2013, 06:17:35 PM
MIL can be like this but thankfully we usually fly to her place so having to leave to go to the airport drastically cuts down the amount of time she can faff around for!
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: JeanFromBNA on February 24, 2013, 06:22:07 PM
Yep, BTDT.  DH loves to tell stories and gossip.  He's been better about getting out the door, but sometimes, I will just announce that I will wait in the car, or walk home.  That usually works.   
Title: Re: The looooooong goodbye
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on February 24, 2013, 06:43:59 PM
My mother used to make me nuts when I'd go to play with friends because she'd show up at the assigned time to pick me up and would hurry me up to get ready and  leave.  Then she'd spend an hour talking to friend's mom.  But I wasn't allowed to spend that time playing or talking to friend.  Often I'd be hustled out to the car, told to get in and get my seatbelt on, then she'd spend about an hour leaning against the car talking to friend's mother. 

But I wasn't allowed to get out of the car to talk to friend for that time.   ::)