Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: gollymolly2 on March 12, 2013, 12:52:06 PM

Title: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: gollymolly2 on March 12, 2013, 12:52:06 PM
http://m.gawker.com/5989952/modern-mobile-etiquette-dont-leave-me-a-voicemail-unless-youre-dying (http://m.gawker.com/5989952/modern-mobile-etiquette-dont-leave-me-a-voicemail-unless-youre-dying)

Gawker ran a post today, discussing a NYT article that claimed leaving voicemails is impolite.  I found the whole thing interesting, as I hate* receiving voicemails.  What do you think? Is it ever rude to leave voicemails? Even if not impolite, what's your voicemail preference?

* I HATE getting vms on my office phone, where I have to punch in a bunch of numbers to get to the message. It's much easier to access vms on my cell phone so my feelings drop from "hatred" to "minor annoyance."
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: GSNW on March 12, 2013, 01:12:34 PM
I dislike voicemails too, more out of my own problem with being impatient than anything else.  In the words of Daniel Tosh, "I can't delete you fast enough."  This stems more from people who leave pointless (IMO) voicemails such as, "Hey, you're not here... uh... call me back... yeah."  If you must leave a voicemail, make it count.

On the other hand, my mother has been known to call my phone repeatedly when she knows I am in the middle of teaching the children (they do learn) and leave NO messages.  4-5 phone calls in the space of an hour with no message makes me think there's a massive emergency, I panic, take a minute to call her back, and I find out that she just can't figure out how to delete an app from her iPad or something like that.

Honestly, I know text can be a pain, but it certainly is convenient.  "Hey honey, mom here, call me when you get a chance... not urgent."  I can glance at this while doing something else. 
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: MrTango on March 12, 2013, 01:14:58 PM
It's not rude to leave a voicemail!  :o

Voicemail and answering machines exist because the average person cannot afford to have a personal assistant take messages from anyone who calls.  It's a way to let the person who you're calling know who called, why you called, and how they can respond to you.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: WillyNilly on March 12, 2013, 01:15:45 PM
I hate getting VMs and will only listen to them if its at work, or if I'm actively looking for a job. Otherwise I would prefer people just try another method of reaching me (email, text) or try back later. If I could completely disable VM from my cellphone, I would.

Because I hate getting VMs I tend to not leave them unless its business related or I know the person I'm calling appreciates them. Otherwise I do as I suggest above - I email, text or try back later.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: fountainof on March 12, 2013, 01:18:06 PM
I prefer when people leave a reason on vm so I don't play a return call game of phone.  I personally don't care is someone leaves a vm that says "we had the baby" I don't need to speak to them directly.  I generally don't mind vms because I don't really text (for friends sometimes but for business never).  I really dislike when I call people and they have no VM as I just want to call, say the thing and move on.  I don't want to keep calling back but this is for business, it is hard to transact any business when you have to reach the person directly without spending all day trying to repeatedly call.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: CakeBeret on March 12, 2013, 01:24:22 PM
I hate VM on my personal phone because people never leave any pertinent info in the message. For example, my dad always leaves me messages saying "This is your dad. Call me." Which I would do after seeing I had a missed call from anyway. I personally would prefer that people only leave a VM if (a) it's important, and (b) they're willing to tell me the important info in the VM.

Professionally it has its benefits, though.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Garden Goblin on March 12, 2013, 01:29:50 PM
If you need to leave a voicemail, then please, for the love of Pete, leave your name and number in a manner so that the person you are calling can actually return the call! 
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: GreenBird on March 12, 2013, 01:33:16 PM
It's not rude to leave a voicemail any more than it's rude to send a letter.  They're both methods of communication that allow the receiver to deal with the message at their convenience.  I understand some people personally don't like voicemail, but that doesn't make it rude.  I don't particularly care for texting, but sending me a text is still not rude. 

I think it's all right to let people know that email or text or whatever is a more effective way of contacting you personally, but recognize that this is a personal preference, not a rule.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: bah12 on March 12, 2013, 01:46:54 PM
Why in the world would it be rude to leave a VM where that option is available?  It let's the receiver know the intended purpose of the call while relieving the caller of having to continuously call back until someone picks up or search for alternate ways to communicate with you.  While there are definitely rude VM's to leave, annoying ways to leave them (super long rambling ones), leaving a concise VM about the nature of the call is never inappropriate.  "Hi, this is A, calling about B.  Please return my call at C at your convenience." 

I'll choose not to leave VM's when the nature of my call isn't important enough and I don't need someone to call me back.  Sometimes, I'll get the return call with the "I see you tried calling" line, which is fine.  But, if I call someone, they don't pick up, and I need a call back, I always leave a VM. 
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: WillyNilly on March 12, 2013, 01:51:45 PM
I disagree its never rude to leave a VM.

I think in the case of a person whom you know dislikes VM's its rude to leave one (especially if their outgoing message says something like "please do not leave a message"). I also think its rude to leave a message like the ones many posters have expressed annoyance at "hi its me, call me back". If you have a message of substance, and you have no reason to think the receiver will be annoyed you left a message then its appropriate.  But its not always not rude.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: marcel on March 12, 2013, 02:15:06 PM
I don't think it is ever rude to leave a voicemail, it is just annoying to leave a useless voicemail.

Personaly I don't like getting them, but I simply have my voicemail turned off, so I am never bothered by them.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: bah12 on March 12, 2013, 02:21:09 PM
There are many things in this world that I am personally annoyed and inconvenienced by.  That doesn't make them rude.

If you hate VM and leave an outgoing message that states you don't want the caller to leave a VM, then I would agree it would be pretty dumb to leave you a VM thinking it's going to result in a call back.  At the same time, it's a little bit much to expect that every caller must automatically conform to your preferred method of message-leaving.  While I can probably cut someone some slack in a personal setting (I may not leave a VM, but if it's too hard to get a message to you, I'll probably stop trying), in a business setting I would go as far as saying that it's unprofessional to insist that no one leave you a VM and try another method of contact instead.  VM is a pretty standard form of leaving a message...similar to the discussion we had about those that don't want to read text messages and preferred to have friends email.  Everyone is definitely entitled to their preferences, but the negative consequences of insisting that your friends/business contacts conform to your preference are your fault...not theirs.  Not to mention it seems almost like elevating oneself to some sort of special status "I hate VM, so everyone, please make note and don't bother me with your messages."
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: SeptGurl on March 12, 2013, 02:32:28 PM
There are many things in this world that I am personally annoyed and inconvenienced by.  That doesn't make them rude.

If you hate VM and leave an outgoing message that states you don't want the caller to leave a VM, then I would agree it would be pretty dumb to leave you a VM thinking it's going to result in a call back.  At the same time, it's a little bit much to expect that every caller must automatically conform to your preferred method of message-leaving.  While I can probably cut someone some slack in a personal setting (I may not leave a VM, but if it's too hard to get a message to you, I'll probably stop trying), in a business setting I would go as far as saying that it's unprofessional to insist that no one leave you a VM and try another method of contact instead.  VM is a pretty standard form of leaving a message...similar to the discussion we had about those that don't want to read text messages and preferred to have friends email.  Everyone is definitely entitled to their preferences, but the negative consequences of insisting that your friends/business contacts conform to your preference are your fault...not theirs.  Not to mention it seems almost like elevating oneself to some sort of special status "I hate VM, so everyone, please make note and don't bother me with your messages."

POD. The connection with the texting discussion is striking.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Amara on March 12, 2013, 03:36:30 PM
That article and this discussion has left me gobsmacked. Maybe I'm older than many, but to me the alternative to voice mail is not being able to leave a message. I know about e-mail and texting (but I don't have a cell phone and even if I did I wouldn't text) but the point of leaving a voice mail message is to let the recipient know you called and hopefully why.

There are gracious ways to do it--speaking clearly and slowly, specifying your reason for calling, leaving your phone number unless you are dead certain they have it memorized--but I cannot fathom why people hate it. Could it be that those who do actually hate the way messages are left rather than the message itself?
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: heartmug on March 12, 2013, 03:50:34 PM
I prefer when people leave a reason on vm so I don't play a return call game of phone. 

So much this!  No "hey its me, call me back."  I am not sure who "me" is and please leave me your number so I don't have to look it up.

Voice mails are not rude.  People may not like them, but hearing someone's voice can be nice but also getting to the point (no rambling) is nice also.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: gollymolly2 on March 12, 2013, 03:53:34 PM
Quote
Could it be that those who do actually hate the way messages are left rather than the message itself?

Personally, I dislike the process of retrieving and listening to voicemails; it's rarely about content. There are certain types of voicemails that I think are useful - when someone needs to communicate a large amount of information and it doesn't need to be heard in a timely manner.  But otherwise, a "call me when you can" text or just a missed call is always preferable to having to go to the (admittedly minimal) trouble if having a voicemail.

Having said that, I don't think it's actually rude to leave a voicemail. I was just curious to hear perspectives on the issue.

Edited to fix quotes...
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Bexx27 on March 12, 2013, 04:00:53 PM
It's so self-centered to consider others rude or wrong for not using your preferred method of communication. If you (the call recipient) don't like checking your voicemail, that's your problem. Make your preference known, state in your greeting that you don't check messages or whatever, and don't get annoyed with the caller for communicating in a totally normal and non-rude way.

For me, leaving a message is how you let someone know why you called and whether or how urgently they should call you back. If someone calls and doesn't leave a message, I assume they don't expect a return call. On the other end, it's much easier for me to leave a voicemail than a text because I have a dumbphone with no keyboard configuration. If I actually know that someone prefers to be contacted a certain way -- for example, I know my brother hates voicemail and will call me back if he sees that I've called and not left a message, and I have several friends who only respond to texts -- I will use that method. But if I don't know your preferences I will default to my own, and it doesn't make me rude to do so.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 12, 2013, 04:14:41 PM
???

I’m really surprised and also puzzled by the voice mail hatred expressed by some people.  If someone has a hatred of voice mail, they should not have that option on their phone (doesn’t matter if it’s cell, business, land line) – for goodness sakes, have it disconnected/disabled!

It is not rude to leave a voice mail. 

I think we might agree that none of us are available 365/24/7 to take a phone call.  I received 2 voice mails messages today – one was from my dentist’s office to reschedule an appt, the other was from a friend giving me an address I needed.  So……since I was on a call and in the bathroom when these calls came, would it have been better to just let the phone ring and ring and ring?  Or would have been more “polite” for the callers to just hang up and keep calling and hanging up?   ::)

Sure, some people misuse vm – they dodge calls, they use it to chat and leave long messages.  I don’t.  I use vm to let someone know I returned a call, or to leave and receive information.

As far as all the “effort” required  punching on a pass code to retrieve a message, well, it’s less effort that punching keys and typing a text message (something I’m not fond of).  And it’s less effort and expense than hiring a private secretary to answer calls, talk to the caller, and write a paper message.

A friend gets at least 4 voice mails every morning from his sales managers who are in various geographic areas.  It takes him less than 5 minutes to listen to the information. What is so wrong with that?

Those who hate voice mail, do you also hate answering machines (not as popular now)?  Are you angry that the person you called is not available at the second you choose to call?  Are you upset that you missed the call?  (Well, whose fault is that?)  Have you considered changing your vm announcement to “This is X, don’t leave a voive mail, just keep calling until you reach me or send me an email or letter via mail.  Thanks.” ?

I'm just not understanding why voice mails are creating such a problem.  :-\



Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: bloo on March 12, 2013, 05:01:16 PM
I loathe voicemail, but I use it because I loathe actually answering the phone even more.

I LOVE getting someone else's voicemail (yay I get to leave a message but get points for trying to call!).

I don't mind getting calls from my BFF(she'll call just to chat and she's interesting) but calls from ANYONE else (especially DH) always seem to somehow generate work for me.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Please pass the Calgon on March 12, 2013, 05:08:21 PM
If you need to leave a voicemail, then please, for the love of Pete, leave your name and number in a manner so that the person you are calling can actually return the call!

Podity-pod-POD... I get lots of voicemails at work, I don't consider them rude, but MANY can't be returned because the caller wouldn't speak clearly enough to be understood. When I leave a vm it's along the lines of "Hi, this is Calgon. My number is (xxx) xxx-xxxx and I'm calling regarding _______. Please call me back when you have a minute. Again, my name is Calgon & my number is (xxx) xxx-xxxx. Thank you!"
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Mammavan3 on March 12, 2013, 05:20:01 PM
I actually think it's - if not exactly rude - a little presumptuous or possibly arrogant to refuse to listen to voice mails. If you don't like the process, disconnect the service. But if I go to the trouble to call you and then listen to your outgoing message, I then have to type out a text laboriously when I could have taken less than ten seconds to say "This is Mammavan. Please return my call at XXX-XXX-XXXX.  I'll be available until  X p.m."
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: MommyPenguin on March 12, 2013, 05:22:41 PM
I'm only 32, but apparently I am ridiculously behind the times.  I don't text.  I don't really know how, my cell phone technically does it but it's expensive and really annoying to do, having to push each button a bunch of times to get a single letter (and the T9 thing or whatever it is never has any clue what I'm trying to type), I don't have a smart phone, etc.  We do use VOIP, though, so if you text our home phone, it emails the message to us.  Same with voicemail... if you leave us a voicemail, it emails it to us.  Which is really nice.  I love the idea of texting, it's just really inconvenient if you don't have a smartphone and don't use your cellphone for anything except emergencies.   But anyway, I don't really get hating voicemail, or calling people who called you back.  I generally try to leave concise, clear voicemails, though.  Sometimes when my mom leaves me a voicemail, I don't listen to the whole thing before I call her back, because they're always long and meandering and when I call her back she'll tell me the whole thing again anyway (nothing against my mom, she's sweet and wonderful, this is just her style).
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Awestruck Shmuck on March 12, 2013, 05:49:50 PM
Leaving a voicemail isn't rude - it's a function that can be turned off, if the individual doesn't like listening to them!

I love voice mail, I am looking for a new job, organising a friends baby shower and planning a wedding - so between those calls, and calls from family/friends, I need to know what I need in front of me to answer the phone! If I don't recognise the number, I don't answer - unless I'm in job hunt mode, in which case I answer the phone with my 'give me a job, please!!' voice lol
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: WillyNilly on March 12, 2013, 05:52:59 PM
...If someone has a hatred of voice mail, they should not have that option on their phone (doesnít matter if itís cell, business, land line) Ė for goodness sakes, have it disconnected/disabled!..
...If you don't like the process, disconnect the service...
Leaving a voicemail isn't rude - it's a function that can be turned off, if the individual doesn't like listening to them!..

How does one disconnect or turn off voicemail? I have never heard of anyone being able to do that and I would LOVE and welcome any insight onto how to do it. My phone (Android Galaxy) doesn't seem to offer the option, nor does my provider (Sprint).

The reality is in my experience, VM is not a function people can turn off. Its a necessary evil included with the convenience and awesomeness of having a cell phone. I do have my out-going message set to inform people to "please not leave a message", but I really don't know what else I can do.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 12, 2013, 06:09:56 PM
I do know someone who had the voice mail function on their cell phone disabled by calling the carrier.

In order to set up voice mail on a phone, one has to go thru some steps (password, recording an answering announcement).  Just don’t do it.

Just because your phone has a voice mail function doesn't mean you have to use it.

Another option is to just let messages pile up without listening.  Soon callers will get a recording “voice mail box full”.  They won’t be able to leave a message, and you won’t be able to receive any message (if that’s what you want).

In other words, just ignore your messages, and if you call someone who has voice mail, just hang up.  Rude, but let the chips fall where they may.

(Back in the day before voice mail and cell phones, I had an answering machine.  I had a really ugly situation develop when a few people told me "I hate talking to an answering machine.  I refuse to deal with them."  My reply:  "Unfortunately my life is not struvtured where I can be sitting at home beside my phone 24 hrs a day.  Since you hate answering machines, stop calling me.  I hate hang up calls."  >:( )
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Yvaine on March 12, 2013, 06:13:47 PM
If you need to leave a voicemail, then please, for the love of Pete, leave your name and number in a manner so that the person you are calling can actually return the call!

Podity-pod-POD... I get lots of voicemails at work, I don't consider them rude, but MANY can't be returned because the caller wouldn't speak clearly enough to be understood. When I leave a vm it's along the lines of "Hi, this is Calgon. My number is (xxx) xxx-xxxx and I'm calling regarding _______. Please call me back when you have a minute. Again, my name is Calgon & my number is (xxx) xxx-xxxx. Thank you!"

Here was one of my all-time "favorites"--our department was selling tickets to an event and this woman called the office after hours and left this message: "I went online to buy tickets to Event and the site wouldn't let me. *click*"

I might have been able to solve her problem...if she'd left her name, her number, or anything at all... ::)
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: WillyNilly on March 12, 2013, 06:19:14 PM
...In order to set up voice mail on a phone, one has to go thru some steps (password, recording an answering announcement).  Just donít do it.

Another option is to just let messages pile up without listening.  Soon callers will get a recording ďvoice mail box fullĒ.  They wonít be able to leave a message, and you wonít be able to receive any message (if thatís what you want)...

These do no not disable VM, FYI.

If you do not set up your VM the robovoice simply answers. Callers can still leave VMs. One does not have to set up a passcode to somehow activate VM, they only set up a password if they want the already there and functioning VM to be password protected.

As for just letting the box fill up - my carrier deletes messages after a while if you don't actively take steps to "save" them, so while occasionally the VM box might fill up, it won't remain full even if I never ever listen to any messages ever.  As far as I know, many carriers do this.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 12, 2013, 06:25:18 PM
...In order to set up voice mail on a phone, one has to go thru some steps (password, recording an answering announcement).  Just donít do it.

Another option is to just let messages pile up without listening.  Soon callers will get a recording ďvoice mail box fullĒ.  They wonít be able to leave a message, and you wonít be able to receive any message (if thatís what you want)...

These do no not disable VM, FYI.

If you do not set up your VM the robovoice simply answers. Callers can still leave VMs. One does not have to set up a passcode to somehow activate VM, they only set up a password if they want the already there and functioning VM to be password protected.

As for just letting the box fill up - my carrier deletes messages after a while if you don't actively take steps to "save" them, so while occasionally the VM box might fill up, it won't remain full even if I never ever listen to any messages ever.  As far as I know, many carriers do this.

Let the carrier delete the messages.  Let the message box keep filling up, but don't listen to them.  As I said, just because you have a vm function doesn't mean you have to use it.  If someone later asks you why you didn't reply, etc. say "I hate voice mail and I don't use it."
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Bluenomi on March 12, 2013, 06:33:34 PM
I think many businesses would run into major dramas without voicemail. I leave them all the time at work, I don't always have time to be constantly trying to get hold of someone on the phone, I'd rather leave a message and them call me back when they can. Somethings can't be done via email and I don't always have their email address, just a number.

They aren't rude, sure some people don't like them but that doesn't make it rude to leave one.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: WillyNilly on March 12, 2013, 06:35:29 PM
...In order to set up voice mail on a phone, one has to go thru some steps (password, recording an answering announcement).  Just donít do it.

Another option is to just let messages pile up without listening.  Soon callers will get a recording ďvoice mail box fullĒ.  They wonít be able to leave a message, and you wonít be able to receive any message (if thatís what you want)...

These do no not disable VM, FYI.

If you do not set up your VM the robovoice simply answers. Callers can still leave VMs. One does not have to set up a passcode to somehow activate VM, they only set up a password if they want the already there and functioning VM to be password protected.

As for just letting the box fill up - my carrier deletes messages after a while if you don't actively take steps to "save" them, so while occasionally the VM box might fill up, it won't remain full even if I never ever listen to any messages ever.  As far as I know, many carriers do this.

Let the carrier delete the messages.  Let the message box keep filling up, but don't listen to them.  As I said, just because you have a vm function doesn't mean you have to use it.  If someone later asks you why you didn't reply, etc. say "I hate voice mail and I don't use it."

That's what I do, with the added bit where my outgoing message even informs people to please not leave a message i don't get them, and letting them know how they can reach me.

I was simply responding to your, and other posters, comments about how VM can and should be disabled/disconnected.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: miranova on March 12, 2013, 06:43:51 PM
I have never seen such vehement loathing for all voicemail of any kind.  Interesting.

Personally, I only dislike VM from my husband, simply because it takes time to hear why he's calling, and I could be using that time actually calling him back and hearing why he's calling.  We talk every day so it's not like there is any chance that I'm only gonig to hear what he has to say if he leaves a message.  So, he doesn't leave me very many voicemails.  We know the times that we are probably available and not available and we always answer the phone when we are available.

However, I ADORE voicemail for people I simply never want to talk to.  Like my ex.  Conversations with him are so horrible that I just never answer my phone and let him tell me what he needs to tell me about the kids on VM.  If a quick response is needed, I text back the answer.  If a discussion is needed I will reluctantly call him back, but at least this way I avoid 90% of discussions and the ones I have to have I am at least prepared and know what it is we need to discuss so I know how much time to set aside.  After YEARS of doing this, he STILL insists that I "call him back" every single time he leaves a VM, even if the VM is to determine something as simple as what time something starts.  I'm not calling him for that, and he apparently still hasn't notice the pattern.  A text is sufficient.  And it is proof that I already gave you the answer and I'm not ignoring you.

I also love VM for when I don't recognize a number.  I'd rather it go to VM then risk dealing with a salesperson or something.  I don't need to pick up a live phone for an appointment confirmation from a dr, or a reminder from the pharmacy that my meds are ready.  All of these things are the perfect situation for VM in my opinion.  I don't need a conversation, just the information.  And I certainly don't expect my dr's receptionist to text me.  So VM is fine.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Awestruck Shmuck on March 12, 2013, 06:45:00 PM

How does one disconnect or turn off voicemail? I have never heard of anyone being able to do that and I would LOVE and welcome any insight onto how to do it. My phone (Android Galaxy) doesn't seem to offer the option, nor does my provider (Sprint).

The reality is in my experience, VM is not a function people can turn off. Its a necessary evil included with the convenience and awesomeness of having a cell phone. I do have my out-going message set to inform people to "please not leave a message", but I really don't know what else I can do.

WillyNilly, i'm with Vodafone, who make it easy to turn off VM, but I googled Sprint - and found this link with step by step instructions:
http://www.ehow.com/how_7168746_turn-off-sprint-voicemail.html

DietyBlessGoogle!!
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Hmmmmm on March 12, 2013, 06:46:13 PM
I don't think the act of leaving a voicemail is rude. If you don't want them, then you should turn off the feature. And I'm sure there are some instances where a voicemail can be rude. But simply leaving one isn't.

They are annoying to me* because so many people seem to take so long to get to the point.  The most annoying VM's are the ones that go like.

"Hi, HMMM, it's your sister.  It's Sat around 10. We're on our way to lunch and I was just thinking about you. We're going to this new restaurant I know you'll love it when you guys come up next month. By the way, DH says Hi (hear DH in the backgroun). The weather is just BEAUTIFULLLLLL today. We are just so lucky, I hope you're off having a fun time.  Anyway, the reason I called was....."

Well, I never get to the reason you've called because I deleted your message at "By the way".

But if she'd just get to "HMMM, can you call me back tonight, I want to finalize plans for next month." or "HMMM, I looked at the calendar and next month isn't going to work. Can you call me and let me know if June is good?"

Or the work VM from someone that is so detailed and all I can think is "this is why email was invented."

*I was happy when reading this thread to realize I'm not the only ubber impatient person.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: fountainof on March 12, 2013, 06:52:42 PM
In my province you pay extra for vm so you don't have to take it on a cel phone package.  I personally find typing work emails time consuming you have to analyze every word, the tone, the length...  I could talk to someone for 15 minutes what it would take 1 hour to compile and proofread via email.  So for business I do think leaving a brief vm to get a return call is important.  I think it is weird to send an email that says call me and as I mentioned I think texting for business (at least the one I am in) is unprofessional.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Hmmmmm on March 12, 2013, 06:53:42 PM
...If someone has a hatred of voice mail, they should not have that option on their phone (doesnít matter if itís cell, business, land line) Ė for goodness sakes, have it disconnected/disabled!..
...If you don't like the process, disconnect the service...
Leaving a voicemail isn't rude - it's a function that can be turned off, if the individual doesn't like listening to them!..

How does one disconnect or turn off voicemail? I have never heard of anyone being able to do that and I would LOVE and welcome any insight onto how to do it. My phone (Android Galaxy) doesn't seem to offer the option, nor does my provider (Sprint).

The reality is in my experience, VM is not a function people can turn off. Its a necessary evil included with the convenience and awesomeness of having a cell phone. I do have my out-going message set to inform people to "please not leave a message", but I really don't know what else I can do.

I know with Verizon and AT&T you can call and ask them to disable on your phone number.  Or you can call your number and leave a really long message that takes up all your allocated space so no more can be left. Or you can auto forward you calls that aren't answered to a landline that doesn't have a VM. Or you can sign up (in the US) a google voice account, have all non-answered calls forwarded to it and have it set up to transcribe the vm and send it to you as a text or email.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Outdoor Girl on March 12, 2013, 06:56:07 PM
If there is an option to leave a VM, it isn't rude to do so.  It is possible to leave a rude VM, if you aren't clear or use objectionable language or something.

I have to have VM on my work phone.  We are required to change the message every day.  We have to have our name, title, the date, options for zeroing out, etc. in the greeting.

When I leave a VM, I say my name up front, as well as my number.  Then I leave the pertinent details as clearly as I can.  And then I repeat the phone number at the end.  So if they didn't get it the first time, they have a chance to get it again.

Nothing drives me crazier at work than to have to replay a message 3 or 4 times to get all the information I need.  I do have a machine at home because I don't have any other phone features.  If I have to listen to a message more than twice, I don't and they don't get a call back.  If it is important enough, they'll call me back.  Unless, of course, it is such-and-such charity lottery that I know I have tickets for, calling to tell me that I've won $1,000,000.   ;D
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: WillyNilly on March 12, 2013, 06:59:05 PM

How does one disconnect or turn off voicemail? I have never heard of anyone being able to do that and I would LOVE and welcome any insight onto how to do it. My phone (Android Galaxy) doesn't seem to offer the option, nor does my provider (Sprint).

The reality is in my experience, VM is not a function people can turn off. Its a necessary evil included with the convenience and awesomeness of having a cell phone. I do have my out-going message set to inform people to "please not leave a message", but I really don't know what else I can do.

WillyNilly, i'm with Vodafone, who make it easy to turn off VM, but I googled Sprint - and found this link with step by step instructions:
http://www.ehow.com/how_7168746_turn-off-sprint-voicemail.html

DietyBlessGoogle!!

I'll try it, thanks!
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: CakeBeret on March 12, 2013, 07:27:01 PM
Could it be that those who do actually hate the way messages are left rather than the message itself?

For me personally, it's the fact that I have to waste time navigating to the message and listening to it, when in most cases it's entirely unnecessary. If I see I've missed a call from you, I'll call you back. The only exception is for numbers that I don't recognize--those I am okay with leaving a message, so that I know to whom the number belongs.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Outdoor Girl on March 12, 2013, 07:59:20 PM
Could it be that those who do actually hate the way messages are left rather than the message itself?

For me personally, it's the fact that I have to waste time navigating to the message and listening to it, when in most cases it's entirely unnecessary. If I see I've missed a call from you, I'll call you back. The only exception is for numbers that I don't recognize--those I am okay with leaving a message, so that I know to whom the number belongs.

I don't have any sort of call display on either my landline or my work phone so the only way I would know you called is if you leave me a message.  (I do have a cell phone which has call display but it is a work phone and very few people have the number.)
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 12, 2013, 08:24:11 PM
Quote
For me personally, it's the fact that I have to waste time navigating to the message and listening to it,

???


When I turn on the TV, I have to navigate through the channels.  When I use the computer I have to turn it on and navigate thru wensites, sign in to email, scroll thru messages and read them, then click more keys to reply or delete.  I even have to navigate thru this forum to read and post.  (That takes a lot more time than listening to a voice mail.) To me, thatís just the way things are and I donít find it stressful.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Mammavan3 on March 12, 2013, 08:44:05 PM
It takes much less time to retrieve a VM than it does for your caller to type out a text or email message to you after calling you and listening to your outgoing message.

A couple of months ago, I received a VM from a new store from one of my favorite companies. I was tempted to ignore it as a sales call, but when I called back (it really is one of my favorite products), I was told that I had won one of their products every month all year. It seems that DH had been in the store buying me a Christmas present and had put my name in a drawing to celebrate the store's opening and then forgot about doing it. 

Now I'll never ignore a VM.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Library Dragon on March 12, 2013, 09:10:11 PM
I loathe voicemail, but I use it because I loathe actually answering the phone even more.

I LOVE getting someone else's voicemail (yay I get to leave a message but get points for trying to call!).

I don't mind getting calls from my BFF(she'll call just to chat and she's interesting) but calls from ANYONE else (especially DH) always seem to somehow generate work for me.

POD and PODx1000

I dislike talking on the phone.  I also get a lot of phone calls from vendors.  There are only a few people I take calls from immediately.  Everyone else needs to leave a voicemail with a clear description of who they are and why they are calling.  The woman who called today and refused to be connected to my voicemail is not going to be put directly through to me.  This is especially true if you refuse to tell the staff what the call is about. 

I think we also need to teach how to speak on the phone again.  Not only etiquette, but how to answer and speak clearly. 
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Sharnita on March 12, 2013, 09:16:55 PM
Not rude exactly but I wonder why people would use vm if they knew the person they wanted to communicate with didn't like/check it.  If they were unaware that would be one thing but if I want somebody to get my message/info/whatever it seems like it would make the most sense to use a form they would pay attention to.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Jaelle on March 12, 2013, 09:31:59 PM
This is frankly appalling to me professionally.

I work in a field where I tend to leave lots of voicemails. I do so with the assumption that the people I've leaving them for will eventually get them and call me back. After all, I'm sitting at the office unable to procede with my work unless they do so. Frankly I've always considered it rude to call and call and call after I've left a voicemail and they will presumably call back when they get a chance. I try not to do that unless I'm desperate.
 
Now I wonder.   :o  Should I be calling and calling until I get a response? Should I assume they do not wish to speak to me at all if they do not return my voicemail? That's frankly dangerous in my profession. At the very least, call me back and say "No comment."
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Sharnita on March 12, 2013, 09:35:15 PM
This is frankly appalling to me professionally.

I work in a field where I tend to leave lots of voicemails. I do so with the assumption that the people I've leaving them for will eventually get them and call me back. After all, I'm sitting at the office unable to procede with my work unless they do so. Frankly I've always considered it rude to call and call and call after I've left a voicemail and they will presumably call back when they get a chance. I try not to do that unless I'm desperate.
 
Now I wonder.   :o  Should I be calling and calling until I get a response? Should I assume they do not wish to speak to me at all if they do not return my voicemail? That's frankly dangerous in my profession. At the very least, call me back and say "No comment."

I think that what you do is fine.  Now if it was somebody who had previously indicated they preferred email or that they didn't check voicemail it would seem wiser to find out if there is a certain time when you are more likely to get ahold of them or to send an email.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 12, 2013, 09:35:26 PM
In a work/situation, saying “I hate voice mail” and refusing to use it would most likely not be tolerated (same as “I hate email”.)

As far as a personal cell phone, the owner always has the option of ignoring the voice mail function – understanding there is a risk they might miss calls and important information.  I have never had anyone tell me “I don’t like voice mail so don’t leave me a message”.  They might be eyerolling or getting bent out of shape or whatever when I leave a message, but I’m not going to keep dialing their number over and over on the chance they might decide to answer at a time convenient for THEM.  (snowflakey)

Also, in my earlier post I meant to also use the example of DVRs – one has to navigate various steps and punch various commands in order to record a program or even to watch a movie.  Not my favorite thing to do, but it doesn’t annoy me enough to get rid of mine.

I’m still not understanding why vm is such a problem for some people.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Raintree on March 12, 2013, 10:36:14 PM
Leave a voice mail if you have information to convey, ie "I'm mailing you some forms to sign and mail back to me." Or, "I can't be there by 3, so I will be there at 4." I get that not everyone texts, and that they may be calling from a landline.

Do not leave a VM just to say, "Hi, I'm calling you back...you're not picking up...where are you?" Useless, and forces me to waste time retrieving VM for no good reason.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: citadelle on March 12, 2013, 11:09:46 PM
Also, in my earlier post I meant to also use the example of DVRs Ė one has to navigate various steps and punch various commands in order to record a program or even to watch a movie.  Not my favorite thing to do, but it doesnít annoy me enough to get rid of mine.

Iím still not understanding why vm is such a problem for some people.

When I navigate through menus on my dvr or a favorite message board, I am rewarded (usually) with interesting content. Listening to vm is usually tedious and boring and often generates work or anxiety. There just is not he same payoff to vm that there is with a dvr, etc
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: bloo on March 12, 2013, 11:18:37 PM
Also, in my earlier post I meant to also use the example of DVRs Ė one has to navigate various steps and punch various commands in order to record a program or even to watch a movie.  Not my favorite thing to do, but it doesnít annoy me enough to get rid of mine.

Iím still not understanding why vm is such a problem for some people.

When I navigate through menus on my dvr or a favorite message board, I am rewarded (usually) with interesting content. Listening to vm is usually tedious and boring and often generates work or anxiety. There just is not he same payoff to vm that there is with a dvr, etc

Yes Citadelle, thanks! Excellent point.

My DH usually leaves long, irritated VM's asking various incarnations of "Why aren't you answering your phone?"

When I leave him a VM, I get right to the point. Although I don't know why I bother as he ALWAYS calls me back with, "Yeah you called, what'jda want?...No I didn't check the VM, I saw that you called..."
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 12, 2013, 11:40:07 PM
I guess a lot depends on a person's communication circle and relationships.  No one leaves me long tedious vms and no one asks why I didn't answer.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: katycoo on March 13, 2013, 12:15:28 AM
Generally speaking I dislike voicemails.  Its a pain to retreive them.

However, I cannot turn off the function as it is a work phone - its not my decision.

I don't mind them if there's a point.  Don't just say "call me back" - tell me why you're calling.  I can then be prepared with any info you're after which will streamline my return call.

If you personally know me, just the missed call is sufficient.  I don't need a message from my DH saying "call me back".  I know you called.  I can see you called.  I'm going to call you to find out why you called.  The message is a waste of time.

Or, send me a text.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: MariaE on March 13, 2013, 02:16:45 AM
Generally speaking I dislike voicemails.  Its a pain to retreive them.

However, I cannot turn off the function as it is a work phone - its not my decision.

I don't mind them if there's a point.  Don't just say "call me back" - tell me why you're calling.  I can then be prepared with any info you're after which will streamline my return call.

If you personally know me, just the missed call is sufficient.  I don't need a message from my DH saying "call me back".  I know you called.  I can see you called.  I'm going to call you to find out why you called.  The message is a waste of time.

Or, send me a text.

This is where I'm at as well - work phone = can't turn it off. I don't mind either if there's a point to the voice mail but 99.9% of all voice mails I receive are either "I'll try again later" or "I'll just send you an email instead". Great, but good grief, you don't need to tell me that! Just do it! Microsoft Support are the worst in this regard, and it seems reeeeeeally unprofessional.

I don't leave voice mails myself unless I absolutely have to. I'll send a text or an email instead.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: perpetua on March 13, 2013, 03:23:21 AM
Count me in among the group who hates VM. For me personally it's the pressure of having someone force something on you that you didn't want to hear or deal with in the first place. If I'd wanted to hear what the caller had to say, I would have answered the phone in the first place.

With voicemail, you know now there's something there that you're supposed to listen to. And oftentimes I just don't want to, or, like I said, I would have answered the phone to begin with. Yeah, I could just ignore it, but then there's the message telling me someone has left something for me to hear, and I know it's there, and it bugs me. Like not opening postal mail that you don't care to open. It sits on the counter and you know it's there. It's pressure.

I've never heard of being able to turn VM off but I'm in the UK.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: miranova on March 13, 2013, 03:47:04 AM
If I'd wanted to hear what the caller had to say, I would have answered the phone in the first place.



Now this I don't understand.  If I get someone's VM I do not immediately assume that they don't want to talk to me.  There is such a thing as just not being available at the moment or being at work, asleep, or in the shower and unable to answer at that exact moment.  So if they need the information I'm calling about, I assume they still want it even though they can't pick up the phone right then.  It would never occurr to me that someone not answering my call ONCE means they don't want to hear what I have to say. 
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: perpetua on March 13, 2013, 04:51:47 AM
If I'd wanted to hear what the caller had to say, I would have answered the phone in the first place.



Now this I don't understand.  If I get someone's VM I do not immediately assume that they don't want to talk to me.  There is such a thing as just not being available at the moment or being at work, asleep, or in the shower and unable to answer at that exact moment.  So if they need the information I'm calling about, I assume they still want it even though they can't pick up the phone right then.  It would never occurr to me that someone not answering my call ONCE means they don't want to hear what I have to say.

Of course. I'm only speaking for myself though. If you (general) get my VM, nine times out of ten it's because I don't want to answer the phone at that point.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Hmmmmm on March 13, 2013, 04:54:18 AM
As I said in an earlier post, I do not enjoy listening to VM's. I've never actually discussed this with anyone because I thought it was just me who was so irritated and impatient with them and I didn't want to admit that in most cases I delete the message before I ever finish listening to the entire thing. But there are some people who I dont mind getting VM's from and they are the ones who get to the point. 

Examples of VM's I don't mind.
Hmmmm, it's Jan. Would you call me back after 4 today to discuss the article?
Clear, gives me time boundaries and subject.
Hmmmm, it's Alan. Nothing urgent just calling to chat.
So when I see that I missed Alan's call I don't need to worry about calling back and he didn't leave me a long vm about what he wanted to chat about. Yeah!
Hmmmm, the deadline changed to the 1st instead of the 8th. Please have the draft by the 29th.
Clear concise and to the point. And I don't need to call back. I would have hated a VM that said "can you call me back to discuss the deadline to then call back and be told the same thing.
Hmmmm, its Susan. Dinner's at 7 on Saturday. Would you bring dessert?
short and sweet

So what I want is a VM that is 10 sec's or less.  And while that sounds short, all of the examples above would actually be under 10 secs. And I do feel a little bad that I have an attention span limit of 10 seconds, but there it is.

I love my MIL, but hate her VM's.  Her introductions is more than 10 secs.  It always starts out as "Hi, Hmmmm (pause, pause) it's MIL (pause, pause) Hope your having a good day (pause pause) I'm calling to tell you...." (after 20 years, I know the exact phrasing and cadence)
She's hit my 10 sec tolerance before she ever gets to the subject of why she's calling.

Someone mentioned they'd rather receive a text instead of getting a VM. While I would really enjoy that, I think it is a bit SS to expect someone who has initiated a phone call to hang up and no switch to typing out a text to you, especially if they are not using a smartphone.

Years ago, I used to listen to my vm's as soon as I could, both work and home. Now I might leave them for hours. Or if I know it's from my sister who loves to leave long rambling vm's of chatty stuff, I might leave them for a day or two. There is even one co-worker who's vm's are so annoying to me, that I will delay for a day.

So question.  Is there anyone who enjoys getting a chatty voicemail from someone you talk to on a regular basis?  I wouldn't mind one from a friend I haven't heard from in a year, but what I find is that the chatty people are going to repeat everything they told me in the voicemail when I talk to them next time.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Kiara on March 13, 2013, 07:38:09 AM
Not rude exactly but I wonder why people would use vm if they knew the person they wanted to communicate with didn't like/check it.  If they were unaware that would be one thing but if I want somebody to get my message/info/whatever it seems like it would make the most sense to use a form they would pay attention to.

This message articulates something I keep thinking.  How is this different than the threads we've had recently on people who don't text?  The overwhelming opinion in those threads was that you (general you) couldn't expect someone to remember your preferred method of communication.  I think the same applies here.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: MariaE on March 13, 2013, 08:09:22 AM
Not rude exactly but I wonder why people would use vm if they knew the person they wanted to communicate with didn't like/check it.  If they were unaware that would be one thing but if I want somebody to get my message/info/whatever it seems like it would make the most sense to use a form they would pay attention to.

This message articulates something I keep thinking.  How is this different than the threads we've had recently on people who don't text?  The overwhelming opinion in those threads was that you (general you) couldn't expect someone to remember your preferred method of communication.  I think the same applies here.

It's different if the outgoing message says something along the lines of "Please don't leave a message - I don't check it anyway." In that case it's not expected of the caller to remember anybody's preferences, they just need to actually listen to the words of the outgoing message ;)
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 13, 2013, 08:46:02 AM
 ???

Regarding personal preferences, let’s say there is a group of 4 people who communicate fairly regularly.  But they each have their own personal preferences and they’ve decided to let others know how they want to communicate.

Person 1:  I hate voicemail,  I don’t want to listen to tedious, unnecessary messages and I hate the process I have to go theu to retrieve messages which are usually a waste of my time anyway.

Person 2:  I hate email.  Leave me a voice mail because I don’t do email.  I also hate talking on the phone.

Person 3:  I prefer texting.  I hate voice mail and email.  Send me a text message if you want to tell/ask me something.  I’ll also reply via text so you better check your text messages regularly.

Person 4: I hate texting, voice mail, and email.  I want to talk to a live person on the telephone, but I’m not available between 5 – 7 weeknights and my Saturdays are so busy.

So………. (in addition to living a life) everyone is supposed to keep track of all these personal preferences OR they can just say forget it and start scratching names off the list of people they communicate with?  REALLY?

???   ::)
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: MariaE on March 13, 2013, 08:55:26 AM
Not sure where you got that from. No, people are absolutely not supposed or required to keep track of personal preferences.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: daen on March 13, 2013, 08:56:12 AM
I don't have a problem with voicemail in general, although messages where I have to listen five times and still end up guessing at one digit of the phone number turn me snarly.

For leaving messages, though, my standard format is "This is daen calling for Person; my number is 555-1151. I'm checking to see if you're available to do Something on Thursday, March 14, at 3 pm. Again, that's daen at 555-1151." It skips any awkwardness about how I start or end the message (I use the same format for everyone but my husband), and it stays within most attention span limits.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: miranova on March 13, 2013, 09:06:49 AM
If I hear a VM message that says "don't leave me a voicemail, I don't check them anyway", I would respect that and hang up.  However, I would also be a little irritated that I now had to hang up and try a 2nd method of contacting you, and I would think you were a little high maintenance.  I would never say anything, unless you were my best friend or something, but I would think it.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 13, 2013, 09:08:40 AM
Not sure where you got that from. No, people are absolutely not supposed or required to keep track of personal preferences.

Here:

Not rude exactly but I wonder why people would use vm if they knew the person they wanted to communicate with didn't like/check it.  If they were unaware that would be one thing but if I want somebody to get my message/info/whatever it seems like it would make the most sense to use a form they would pay attention to.

Or, another option is for people who hate voice mail to just not say anything, be angry, grit their teeth, and suffer silently.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Sharnita on March 13, 2013, 09:13:00 AM
I do actually think people do notice who does or doesn't respond to vm or email or whatever. You might not know everyone but you notice if vn never gets results from Sue oor if Ralph never responds to emails. And if you look at the quotation I did diffrtentiate between situations where you were aware and situations where you weren't.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 13, 2013, 09:19:49 AM
Quote
I did diffrtentiate between situations where you were aware and situations where you weren't.

But the situation where you (general) are aware result in finding another way to communicate (maybe a method which you (general) don't like,) or just saying 'forget it' and not communicating with that person.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: MariaE on March 13, 2013, 09:24:18 AM
Quote
I did diffrtentiate between situations where you were aware and situations where you weren't.

But the situation where you (general) are aware result in finding another way to communicate (maybe a method which you (general) don't like,) or just saying 'forget it' and not communicating with that person.

Yeah? So?

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound snarky, I just don't see the problem with that.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Sharnita on March 13, 2013, 09:26:58 AM
Well, yes, that is why the question of how much you want to communicate with them aldo vomes into play.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 13, 2013, 09:36:17 AM
Quote
I did diffrtentiate between situations where you were aware and situations where you weren't.

But the situation where you (general) are aware result in finding another way to communicate (maybe a method which you (general) don't like,) or just saying 'forget it' and not communicating with that person.

Yeah? So?

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound snarky, I just don't see the problem with that.

For some people ceasing communication (and ending relationships) might not be a problem; for others it is.  If it's not a problem for you, and apparently it isn't, fine.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: bah12 on March 13, 2013, 09:47:39 AM
I am honestly very surprised that anyone would take the stance "I hate VM.  People know/should know this, so it's rude to leave me one."  Yet, the logic doesn't seem to apply the other way around. 
If the reason the general you hate VM so much is because you have to push a few buttons to get to the message, then what does that say about the caller, who had to push a few buttons to call you, listen to your outgoing message, only to be told, "Oh, you thought you just had a few seconds of speaking left with this transacation?  Wrong!  Hang up, open another feature on your phone/computer, and push several more buttons to text/email me your message." 

Frankly, there are very very few personal relationships that I have that I'd be willing to do all that for and absolutely no professional ones.  In a business setting that's detrimental...and for most personal ones as well. 
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: MariaE on March 13, 2013, 09:48:34 AM
Quote
I did diffrtentiate between situations where you were aware and situations where you weren't.

But the situation where you (general) are aware result in finding another way to communicate (maybe a method which you (general) don't like,) or just saying 'forget it' and not communicating with that person.

Yeah? So?

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound snarky, I just don't see the problem with that.

For some people ceasing communication (and ending relationships) might not be a problem; for others it is.  If it's not a problem for you, and apparently it isn't, fine.

What's the alternative though? That's where you've lost me.

If I understand you correctly you're saying there are three options:
1) I use method A of communication which you may or may not like.
2) I use method B, C, D... of communication which I may or may not like.
3) I stop communicating altogether.

What's left to try?
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: WillyNilly on March 13, 2013, 09:54:18 AM
???

Regarding personal preferences, letís say there is a group of 4 people who communicate fairly regularly.  But they each have their own personal preferences and theyíve decided to let others know how they want to communicate.

Person 1:  I hate voicemail,  I donít want to listen to tedious, unnecessary messages and I hate the process I have to go theu to retrieve messages which are usually a waste of my time anyway.

Person 2:  I hate email.  Leave me a voice mail because I donít do email.  I also hate talking on the phone.

Person 3:  I prefer texting.  I hate voice mail and email.  Send me a text message if you want to tell/ask me something.  Iíll also reply via text so you better check your text messages regularly.

Person 4: I hate texting, voice mail, and email.  I want to talk to a live person on the telephone, but Iím not available between 5 Ė 7 weeknights and my Saturdays are so busy.

SoÖÖÖ. (in addition to living a life) everyone is supposed to keep track of all these personal preferences OR they can just say forget it and start scratching names off the list of people they communicate with?  REALLY?

???   ::)

Unless these are co-workers who have to put up with each other's methods of communication, I honestly don't see how these are  "a group of 4 people who communicate fairly regularly". And if they are co-workers, well at work, you suck it up and you communicate as your employer instructs you to, even if its a method you hate.

My best friend and I are so close because we communicate similarly. My DH and I worked as a couple because we communicate similarly. The family members I have who communicate similarly to me are the ones I'm closest to these days, even if 15-20 years ago things might have been different.

I have friends and family who are phone people, and i don't shun them or hate them or anything. But the reality is I am not. I don't use VM and I don't initial calls (or leave VMs) unless I have no other choice. So I end up not being as close to the phone folks. And its not just because of me, on my end. They all have computers and as far as I know they all have texting. They are also choosing to not text, use email, or use Facebook messenger, just as much as I'm choosing to not use phoning & VM. And the reality is the relationships begin to fade a bit or they never really form well to begin with.

And the reality is I do use plenty of forms of communication regularly. I check my email multiple times a day, from my computer or from my cell, I also check my Facebook at least once if not 4 times a day, from my computer or via my cell - and I can check from any internet connected computer really. I check my cell daily, usually a few times. And I will answer my phone if i hear it ringing and I'm available to speak. So its not like its hard to get a hold of me, to get me a message or to get an answer from me, or have a chat with me despite me not using VM. So if someone insisted on using VM, despite my outgoing message asking to please not leave one, and despite the fact that it usually takes me days to listen to the VM if I do at all (I would probably just call back "I saw I missed your call, whats up?"), then yeah, messages will get lost and the friendship won't thrive. In some ways its sad, but in others it just practical.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 13, 2013, 09:55:21 AM
I am honestly very surprised that anyone would take the stance "I hate VM.  People know/should know this, so it's rude to leave me one."  Yet, the logic doesn't seem to apply the other way around. 
If the reason the general you hate VM so much is because you have to push a few buttons to get to the message, then what does that say about the caller, who had to push a few buttons to call you, listen to your outgoing message, only to be told, "Oh, you thought you just had a few seconds of speaking left with this transacation?  Wrong!  Hang up, open another feature on your phone/computer, and push several more buttons to text/email me your message." 

Frankly, there are very very few personal relationships that I have that I'd be willing to do all that for and absolutely no professional ones.  In a business setting that's detrimental...and for most personal ones as well.

Very well stated.  :)

Quote
I honestly don't see how these are  "a group of 4 people who communicate fairly regularly"

Really?  Lots of people have 4 (even more) relatives and/or friends with whom they communicate fairly regularly.

Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: daen on March 13, 2013, 10:00:28 AM
I've resigned myself to the fact that certain people that I must communicate with (at work, for example) are inconsistent about listening to VM, and will call me back and say "I think I missed your call." So I leave a concise VM, containing all the necessary info (in case they do listen), but no more (so I don't waste a lot of time if they don't).

I do find it a little  ::) when they call me back while I'm leaving the VM, though.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: WillyNilly on March 13, 2013, 10:06:12 AM
I am honestly very surprised that anyone would take the stance "I hate VM.  People know/should know this, so it's rude to leave me one."  Yet, the logic doesn't seem to apply the other way around. 
If the reason the general you hate VM so much is because you have to push a few buttons to get to the message, then what does that say about the caller, who had to push a few buttons to call you, listen to your outgoing message, only to be told, "Oh, you thought you just had a few seconds of speaking left with this transacation?  Wrong!  Hang up, open another feature on your phone/computer, and push several more buttons to text/email me your message." 

Frankly, there are very very few personal relationships that I have that I'd be willing to do all that for and absolutely no professional ones.  In a business setting that's detrimental...and for most personal ones as well.

For me though its more then just I hate VM because I have to push a few buttons. Its that I find it pointlessly time consuming, and I dislike the whole disembodied voice speaking at me without any back and forth, I find it uncomfortable. A conversation is me speaking with someone, watching TV is a voice speaking but not at me.  A VM is something I have to just sit and listen to without me being able to participate, and its different then a totally impersonal TV voice speaking on a screen. (For the record, talk radio makes me twitchy too, although its much easier to avoid it then VM.)

Quote
I honestly don't see how these are  "a group of 4 people who communicate fairly regularly"

Really?  Lots of people have 4 (even more) relatives and/or friends with whom they communicate fairly regularly.

I have many more then 4 people I communicate with regularly. But not many who are all so radically different in how they communicate. That's was my point - the people I communicate with regularly are the people whom prefer to communicate in ways similar to my preferences. The folks in my life who hate the forms of communication I prefer are not the people I communicate with most frequently, because we don't communicate for fun since each others methods are unfun to each other.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 13, 2013, 10:09:21 AM
Quote
That's was my point - the people I communicate with regularly are the people whom prefer to communicate in ways similar to my preferences.

Good.  So what's the problem?
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: WillyNilly on March 13, 2013, 10:13:30 AM
Quote
That's was my point - the people I communicate with regularly are the people whom prefer to communicate in ways similar to my preferences.

Good.  So what's the problem?

I don't understand your question. This is an on-going discussion. I'm not voicing a problem or complaint, I'm merely participating. You brought up a point, I addressed it and gave an explanation.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 13, 2013, 10:16:45 AM
Well, I'm glad we've got that cleared up.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: bah12 on March 13, 2013, 10:17:01 AM
Unless these are co-workers who have to put up with each other's methods of communication, I honestly don't see how these are  "a group of 4 people who communicate fairly regularly". And if they are co-workers, well at work, you suck it up and you communicate as your employer instructs you to, even if its a method you hate.

My best friend and I are so close because we communicate similarly. My DH and I worked as a couple because we communicate similarly. The family members I have who communicate similarly to me are the ones I'm closest to these days, even if 15-20 years ago things might have been different.

I have friends and family who are phone people, and i don't shun them or hate them or anything. But the reality is I am not. I don't use VM and I don't initial calls (or leave VMs) unless I have no other choice. So I end up not being as close to the phone folks. And its not just because of me, on my end. They all have computers and as far as I know they all have texting. They are also choosing to not text, use email, or use Facebook messenger, just as much as I'm choosing to not use phoning & VM. And the reality is the relationships begin to fade a bit or they never really form well to begin with.

And the reality is I do use plenty of forms of communication regularly. I check my email multiple times a day, from my computer or from my cell, I also check my Facebook at least once if not 4 times a day, from my computer or via my cell - and I can check from any internet connected computer really. I check my cell daily, usually a few times. And I will answer my phone if i hear it ringing and I'm available to speak. So its not like its hard to get a hold of me, to get me a message or to get an answer from me, or have a chat with me despite me not using VM. So if someone insisted on using VM, despite my outgoing message asking to please not leave one, and despite the fact that it usually takes me days to listen to the VM if I do at all (I would probably just call back "I saw I missed your call, whats up?"), then yeah, messages will get lost and the friendship won't thrive. In some ways its sad, but in others it just practical.

I think the friendships should fade.  It makes sense that you'd form closer relationships to those that can conform to your style of communication.  But, I don't think it's rude not to.  Your disdain for VM, and refusal to use it, is absolutely your prerogative.  If you don't think it's rude for you to tell these potential friends that they either hang up the phone and text you when you don't answer or lose you as a friend, I don't think it's rude for them to say "That's a complete inconvenience for me.  I don't want to have to push several more buttons and take up a several more seconds to leave you a message, simply to save you the trouble of spending a few seconds typing in a password.  This friendship isn't worth it."  (And if listening to a ten second message is so over the top painful, that doesn't say much for the conversation you would have had, had you answered the phone).

For me, that type of friendship, where one is so picky about which of the many options of leaving a message is used, is too high maintenance for me to even attempt to maintain.  I think it's more rude to insist that your "friends" conform to your preferences and yet not be willing to budge an inch and listen to a VM when they already went through the trouble of trying to call you.

Yet, I do understand that relationships with people who communicate the way you do are formed naturally.  I'm just not going to say that it's rude to leave a VM just because you don't like it.

Again, I find this thread very similar to the reading a text vs. reading an email thread.  And I think, for me, the conclusion of this one is the same as that.  It's not rude for people to choose a form of communication that is common and readily available to try to communicate with you.  If you absolutely cannot bring yourself to communicate that way, then don't.  Yes, those people will likely feel that it isn't worth the extra effort to get a message across to you and will stop trying.  Those relationships will fail.  It's not their fault and they are not rude because that happened.  It's a consequence of your own behavior pattern that caused it. 
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: SeptGurl on March 13, 2013, 11:10:06 AM
A couple of months ago, one of DS's teachers told DS to have me call her. I did. I called the school phone number, was transferred to her classroom phone, and I got her VM. The outgoing message told me that she rarely checks that phone for messages, so callers shouldn't leave one. She didn't suggest an alternate method to reach her. Hmm ...

Given that she asked me to call her, I decided to leave a message. And then because I couldn't be sure that she'd check the messages, I looked up her e-mail address and also e-mailed her. I don't like leaving duplicate messages, but I wasn't sure what else to do. I'm guessing that the alternative would have been for me to call and call and call without leaving a VM in the hope that she might answer. Either way, reaching her required extra time and effort on my part.

I don't feel responsibility for any annoyance she might have felt about having to check her VM to delete my message. If she wants to avoid VM, then she a) shouldn't tell people to call her, and b) should include an alternate means to reach her in her outgoing VM message.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: WillyNilly on March 13, 2013, 11:14:40 AM
A couple of months ago, one of DS's teachers told DS to have me call her. I did. I called the school phone number, was transferred to her classroom phone, and I got her VM. The outgoing message told me that she rarely checks that phone for messages, so callers shouldn't leave one. She didn't suggest an alternate method to reach her. Hmm ...

Given that she asked me to call her, I decided to leave a message. And then because I couldn't be sure that she'd check the messages, I looked up her e-mail address and also e-mailed her. I don't like leaving duplicate messages, but I wasn't sure what else to do. I'm guessing that the alternative would have been for me to call and call and call without leaving a VM in the hope that she might answer. Either way, reaching her required extra time and effort on my part.

I don't feel responsibility for any annoyance she might have felt about having to check her VM to delete my message. If she wants to avoid VM, then she a) shouldn't tell people to call her, and b) should include an alternate means to reach her in her outgoing VM message.

Well of course you have a point there! The teacher was ridiculous to ask you to call and then ave a message essentially saying calling wasn't the best method to get her a message. She should have either asked you to call at a specific time (when she's available to answer/see caller ID) or asked to you contact her in someway she would get a message ("please email me at teacher@school.edu").

I hate VM, but I also don't initiate communication by calling unless I have to, nor do I ask people to call me.
A person has to take some responsibility for their preferences!
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: MyFamily on March 13, 2013, 11:20:22 AM
Also, in my earlier post I meant to also use the example of DVRs Ė one has to navigate various steps and punch various commands in order to record a program or even to watch a movie.  Not my favorite thing to do, but it doesnít annoy me enough to get rid of mine.

Iím still not understanding why vm is such a problem for some people.

When I navigate through menus on my dvr or a favorite message board, I am rewarded (usually) with interesting content. Listening to vm is usually tedious and boring and often generates work or anxiety. There just is not he same payoff to vm that there is with a dvr, etc
I don't understand - if you want me to send you the message via text or email, how is that not also going to be a tedious email that bores you and isn't going to generate the same work or anxiety?  I can leave a voice mail message that says "I need to talk to you about X"; I can email you a message that says "I need to talk to you about X" or i can text you a message that says "I need to talk to you about X" but in the end, I still need to talk to you about X and, assuming that X is important to you, you also need to talk to me about X.  Same work being generated, no matter the method of how the message was sent.

And I'm just going to say it - and this isn't directed at one specific poster, but life sometimes is tedious and boring.  We are not all here to keep your life exciting and entertaining; sometimes, I need to leave an unboring message "hey, DH, can you please stop for milk on your way home" is not the most exciting message in the world, but we need milk and he needs to stop and pick it up. 

I should also add, I am also not fond of voice mail, but I'm never upset with someone for leaving me a message - I give them the option of reaching me via this method, and I figure my issues with voice mail are my issues and I'm not so special to be put out when the rest of the world doesn't conform to my likes and dislikes.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: turnip on March 13, 2013, 11:41:55 AM
Like some others, I'm astonished that anyone would ever find a voicemail rude, unless it is left after a message clearly stating "Please don't leave me a voice mail.".


I would find it very rude if someone called me, didn't get me, but didn't leave a voicemail assuming that I am just going to call them back anyway.   If I see you in my call logs but you don't leave a message, I'm going to assume you changed your mind/answered your own questions/solved your own problem, and I'm going to leave you alone.  If you later contacted me and said "Why didn't you call me back?" I'd think you were pretty presumptuous. 
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: MariaE on March 13, 2013, 11:47:09 AM
Like some others, I'm astonished that anyone would ever find a voicemail rude, unless it is left after a message clearly stating "Please don't leave me a voice mail.".


I would find it very rude if someone called me, didn't get me, but didn't leave a voicemail assuming that I am just going to call them back anyway.   If I see you in my call logs but you don't leave a message, I'm going to assume you changed your mind/answered your own questions/solved your own problem, and I'm going to leave you alone.  If you later contacted me and said "Why didn't you call me back?" I'd think you were pretty presumptuous.

I don't like VMs and even I agree with you there. Voice mails are a necessary evil, I'll leave them myself if I have to, and I certainly won't think anybody rude for leaving one for me - even if I'd prefer they didn't.

Besides, I prefer voice mails to having somebody call me over and over and over and over and... That just drives me insane. The worst is people who do both though. Call me over and over and leave a VM each time. Microsoft Support, I'm looking at you here!
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Winterlight on March 13, 2013, 12:02:36 PM
There are many things in this world that I am personally annoyed and inconvenienced by.  That doesn't make them rude.

If you hate VM and leave an outgoing message that states you don't want the caller to leave a VM, then I would agree it would be pretty dumb to leave you a VM thinking it's going to result in a call back.  At the same time, it's a little bit much to expect that every caller must automatically conform to your preferred method of message-leaving.  While I can probably cut someone some slack in a personal setting (I may not leave a VM, but if it's too hard to get a message to you, I'll probably stop trying), in a business setting I would go as far as saying that it's unprofessional to insist that no one leave you a VM and try another method of contact instead.  VM is a pretty standard form of leaving a message...similar to the discussion we had about those that don't want to read text messages and preferred to have friends email.  Everyone is definitely entitled to their preferences, but the negative consequences of insisting that your friends/business contacts conform to your preference are your fault...not theirs.  Not to mention it seems almost like elevating oneself to some sort of special status "I hate VM, so everyone, please make note and don't bother me with your messages."

What you said.

I don't particularly like voicemail or texting. I'd rather people communicate with me by carrier pigeon- at least you have a pretty bird to pet instead of an annoying phone that shrieks at me.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: citadelle on March 13, 2013, 12:34:37 PM
Also, in my earlier post I meant to also use the example of DVRs Ė one has to navigate various steps and punch various commands in order to record a program or even to watch a movie.  Not my favorite thing to do, but it doesnít annoy me enough to get rid of mine.

Iím still not understanding why vm is such a problem for some people.

When I navigate through menus on my dvr or a favorite message board, I am rewarded (usually) with interesting content. Listening to vm is usually tedious and boring and often generates work or anxiety. There just is not he same payoff to vm that there is with a dvr, etc
I don't understand - if you want me to send you the message via text or email, how is that not also going to be a tedious email that bores you and isn't going to generate the same work or anxiety?  I can leave a voice mail message that says "I need to talk to you about X"; I can email you a message that says "I need to talk to you about X" or i can text you a message that says "I need to talk to you about X" but in the end, I still need to talk to you about X and, assuming that X is important to you, you also need to talk to me about X.  Same work being generated, no matter the method of how the message was sent.

And I'm just going to say it - and this isn't directed at one specific poster, but life sometimes is tedious and boring.  We are not all here to keep your life exciting and entertaining; sometimes, I need to leave an unboring message "hey, DH, can you please stop for milk on your way home" is not the most exciting message in the world, but we need milk and he needs to stop and pick it up. 

I should also add, I am also not fond of voice mail, but I'm never upset with someone for leaving me a message - I give them the option of reaching me via this method, and I figure my issues with voice mail are my issues and I'm not so special to be put out when the rest of the world doesn't conform to my likes and dislikes.

I would not be upset with someone for leaving a message. However, I probably wouldn't listen to it. I would see on my missed calls that this person had called, and call them back. Which is probably what I'd do after listening to the voice mail anyway. So I cut out that middle step.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: bloo on March 13, 2013, 05:07:06 PM
Also, in my earlier post I meant to also use the example of DVRs Ė one has to navigate various steps and punch various commands in order to record a program or even to watch a movie.  Not my favorite thing to do, but it doesnít annoy me enough to get rid of mine.

Iím still not understanding why vm is such a problem for some people.

When I navigate through menus on my dvr or a favorite message board, I am rewarded (usually) with interesting content. Listening to vm is usually tedious and boring and often generates work or anxiety. There just is not he same payoff to vm that there is with a dvr, etc
I don't understand - if you want me to send you the message via text or email, how is that not also going to be a tedious email that bores you and isn't going to generate the same work or anxiety?  I can leave a voice mail message that says "I need to talk to you about X"; I can email you a message that says "I need to talk to you about X" or i can text you a message that says "I need to talk to you about X" but in the end, I still need to talk to you about X and, assuming that X is important to you, you also need to talk to me about X.  Same work being generated, no matter the method of how the message was sent.

And I'm just going to say it - and this isn't directed at one specific poster, but life sometimes is tedious and boring.  We are not all here to keep your life exciting and entertaining; sometimes, I need to leave an unboring message "hey, DH, can you please stop for milk on your way home" is not the most exciting message in the world, but we need milk and he needs to stop and pick it up. 

I should also add, I am also not fond of voice mail, but I'm never upset with someone for leaving me a message - I give them the option of reaching me via this method, and I figure my issues with voice mail are my issues and I'm not so special to be put out when the rest of the world doesn't conform to my likes and dislikes.

I'm with MariaE in that I see VM as a necessary evil. I hate it but I must deal with it. I'd much prefer a 'tedious and boring' email or text as that is easier to glean needed information and respond accordingly.

I live in an active home with members coming in and out and talking and laughing and doing stuff. We'll have music or MP3 of some article going on in the background while we work/hangout. An email or a text can be easily checked without calling a halt to everything, whereas a phone call means 'Everybody shut up and turn off the music/MP3/whatever!'

Same for if I'm checking VM and have to write down information. Or I have to wait to do something about VM or to return phone calls when things are quieter. Since clients call at our home, we usually try to answer the phone unless Caller ID informs us it's a likely telemarketer.

I have no problem whatsoever that people have preferred communication styles. I have my preferences but life has determined that I have to suck it up and deal with it anyway. Like Sharnita, I've noticed that some friends and family have preferences and I try to remember them but, honestly, none of my friends/family expects me to.

No one I know would say, 'I can't believe you're one of the people clogging up my VM!' I've just noticed that there are some who don't call me back but will text me. Or won't answer a call but will text me. Or call when they KNOW I am not at home and leave a message (I'm looking at you Big Brother ;D). 
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: onikenbai on March 13, 2013, 07:54:36 PM
I do wish I could ban certain people from voice mail.  I have this one doctor that keeps calling my cell four or five times in a day, each time leaving more and more urgent messages like the world is going to end.  His message?  Don't forget about the appointment next week I scheduled two days ago.  My mother also leaves ear piercing happy chirping noises as a starter to all her messages.  I know from experience to have my ear far away from my phone.

I do sympathize with a good chunk of the world who deeply wants to change their message to "Hi, I can't come to the phone right now, hang up and text me."  I don't mind checking my message, but all I ask is that the message have something substantive.  I don't want your message to consist solely of:
-Hi, it's me.
-I just emailed you.
-No need to call me back.
-How is your cat?  (I get this one more than I should)
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: miranova on March 13, 2013, 08:14:53 PM

-How is your cat?  (I get this one more than I should)

Well obviously the answer to this one is just to get your cat his own phone.  That way they can ask directly.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Raintree on March 13, 2013, 10:27:43 PM
I don't mind checking my message, but all I ask is that the message have something substantive.  I don't want your message to consist solely of:
-Hi, it's me.
-I just emailed you.
-No need to call me back.
-How is your cat?  (I get this one more than I should)

I agree, except about the "no need to call me back." I think this is OK if the message consists of something useful, for which a reply is not necessary. As in, "Hi, just letting you know that I did receive your message, and yes, I will be there at 6 PM instead of 5 PM. No need to call me back, see you at 6."
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: lmyrs on March 14, 2013, 09:37:15 AM
I have vm to text service so every vm gets forwarded as a text to my phone. If the vm is too long or mumbly or unclear, it won't translate and it will get set aside until I have time to listen which could be a few days. I always say that if I was allowed, my outgoing vm would say "hang us and text me". But it's work so not my choice.

Which brings me to a question. I've seen many peple say that this outgoing message would be SS because it forces people to take extra steps to contact you. Yet I've also read several posts saying "turn off vm". If vm is turned off, it leads to the same extra steps, so does that make everyone without it SS? I don't have it on my home phone. I don't think that makes me SS. And I know that local cell plans, vm is almost always included and it costs extra to remove it. So why can't someone leave that outgoing message to text and not be SS if they'd be allowed to turn off vm?
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 14, 2013, 09:53:22 AM
Quote
Which brings me to a question. I've seen many peple say that this outgoing message would be SS because it forces people to take extra steps to contact you. Yet I've also read several posts saying "turn off vm". If vm is turned off, it leads to the same extra steps, so does that make everyone without it SS? I don't have it on my home phone. I don't think that makes me SS. And I know that local cell plans, vm is almost always included and it costs extra to remove it. So why can't someone leave that outgoing message to text and not be SS if they'd be allowed to turn off vm?

Has nothing to do with turning off vm.

The snowflakey part involves not wanting to take time to punch in a pass code or to listen to a message AND insisting that callers text or use your (general) preferred method of communicating.  Typing a text message takes more effort and often more time than retrieving a voice mail message.  So, the :too much time and effortĒ excuse is not valid.

Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: bah12 on March 14, 2013, 10:17:03 AM
I have vm to text service so every vm gets forwarded as a text to my phone. If the vm is too long or mumbly or unclear, it won't translate and it will get set aside until I have time to listen which could be a few days. I always say that if I was allowed, my outgoing vm would say "hang us and text me". But it's work so not my choice.

Which brings me to a question. I've seen many peple say that this outgoing message would be SS because it forces people to take extra steps to contact you. Yet I've also read several posts saying "turn off vm". If vm is turned off, it leads to the same extra steps, so does that make everyone without it SS? I don't have it on my home phone. I don't think that makes me SS. And I know that local cell plans, vm is almost always included and it costs extra to remove it. So why can't someone leave that outgoing message to text and not be SS if they'd be allowed to turn off vm?

It's not so much that it's rude to tell people your message preferences as it is the reasoning behind it.  For those that might say that it's just too much of a bother to type in their password and then don't consider all the extra effort they are requiring of their contacts, which is more than typing in a password, then it does sort of seem SS.  Those people are basically saying that it's more important to them to save themselves ten seconds of pushing buttons that it is for their friends to be saved from several more seconds of switching applications and pushing several more buttons.   And it's even true for those that say that listening to a VM is so torturous that they can't bring themselves to do it.  Unless it's one of those super long rambly messages (which I also hate), how is it possibly so painful to listen to a 10 second message that you absolutely cannot do it under any circumstances...requiring everyone else, again, to hang up, open new applications, and spend several seconds/minutes typing out a message?

Not having VM, to me, pretty much says the same thing without actually saying it.  Unless someone has a genuine phobia against VM, I don't see why anyone would go so far as to turn it off just to save themselves a few seconds of inconvenience.  Is it rude to do so?  Not really.  But it does make those relationships a lot more high maintenance and I know that at least for me, I have very little patience for people that are that picky about anything. 

The main problem that I have with this whole question/discussion is the idea that it's up to anyone else to solve your (general) problem.  It's not.  VM is a very common and readily available method of message leaving.  Most of the world uses it....even if they think that typing in a four digit password is a pain.  There are many inconvenient/painful/annoying things in this world.  And it's up to each of us to either mitigate that inconvenience for ourselves or deal with it.  To go as far as to say that it's rude to leave you (again general) a VM, simply because you have stated that you don't like them, is a bit SS.  It's not rude for people to leave VM when the option is available.  Making it unavailable still inconveniences everyone else on your behalf, but at least the option is no longer there for you to claim rudeness on their part. 

ETA:  I just remembered that my work blackberry actually doesn't ask me to type in a password.  I dial my cell phone number (push one button) and my messages are played back.  My personal iphone requires a password, but maybe for those that hate typing in passwords, there's a way to turn that feature off.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 14, 2013, 10:46:31 AM
Also, it goes back to what I said earlier about a personís communication circle and relationships.  If people are leaving long or boring or (what you feel are) unnecessary messages, itís not the fault of the voice mail function.  The blame should but put on them, and on you (general) for not asking them to please stop leaving you long, boring, or unnecessary messages.  I've seen posts complaining about a spouse or SO or friend leaving an irritating "Returning your call" or "Why aren't you answering your phone?" message.  Well, whose fault is that?  ???

If I receive several overly long, boring, or unnecessary emails is that the fault of my computer or even my email system?  No.  Should I just say I hate email because I have to login with a password?  Um, no. 
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: citadelle on March 14, 2013, 11:53:41 AM
Also, it goes back to what I said earlier about a personís communication circle and relationships.  If people are leaving long or boring or (what you feel are) unnecessary messages, itís not the fault of the voice mail function.  The blame should but put on them, and on you (general) for not asking them to please stop leaving you long, boring, or unnecessary messages.  I've seen posts complaining about a spouse or SO or friend leaving an irritating "Returning your call" or "Why aren't you answering your phone?" message.  Well, whose fault is that?  ???

If I receive several overly long, boring, or unnecessary emails is that the fault of my computer or even my email system?  No.  Should I just say I hate email because I have to login with a password?  Um, no.

All of that may be true, but the reality is that I am still not going to listen to my voicemail. I will still look at my missed calls and return them instead.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 14, 2013, 12:19:06 PM
Quote
All of that may be true, but the reality is that I am still not going to listen to my voicemail. I will still look at my missed calls and return them instead.

Fine.  Not listening to your voice mail is entirely your prerogative.  No one is trying to force anyone to listen to their voice mail.  In fact, one of the solutions I proposed to all of the expressed aggravation was:  If you hate voice mail, don't use it.  If you (general) choose not to deal with the people leaving messages which are irritating you (general), that is also your prerogative.

However, often it's not necessary for someone to look at their caller id and make a call.  For example, I got a message giving me the address I needed.  There is no point in me making yet another call and telling the person,  "I don't deal with voice mail."  That would be asking them to duplicate their efforts, stop what they're doing, and talk to me right now instead.  I choose not to do that.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: wolfie on March 14, 2013, 12:25:25 PM
Also, it goes back to what I said earlier about a personís communication circle and relationships.  If people are leaving long or boring or (what you feel are) unnecessary messages, itís not the fault of the voice mail function.  The blame should but put on them, and on you (general) for not asking them to please stop leaving you long, boring, or unnecessary messages.  I've seen posts complaining about a spouse or SO or friend leaving an irritating "Returning your call" or "Why aren't you answering your phone?" message.  Well, whose fault is that?  ???

If I receive several overly long, boring, or unnecessary emails is that the fault of my computer or even my email system?  No.  Should I just say I hate email because I have to login with a password?  Um, no.

All of that may be true, but the reality is that I am still not going to listen to my voicemail. I will still look at my missed calls and return them instead.

I hate people who do that. Especially when I left the exact message I needed to on your voicemail. Now I have to look up the info again and give it to you. Or if you misdialed now I also have to deal with someone convinced I called them when I didn't.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: bah12 on March 14, 2013, 12:28:00 PM
Also, it goes back to what I said earlier about a personís communication circle and relationships.  If people are leaving long or boring or (what you feel are) unnecessary messages, itís not the fault of the voice mail function.  The blame should but put on them, and on you (general) for not asking them to please stop leaving you long, boring, or unnecessary messages.  I've seen posts complaining about a spouse or SO or friend leaving an irritating "Returning your call" or "Why aren't you answering your phone?" message.  Well, whose fault is that?  ???

If I receive several overly long, boring, or unnecessary emails is that the fault of my computer or even my email system?  No.  Should I just say I hate email because I have to login with a password?  Um, no.

All of that may be true, but the reality is that I am still not going to listen to my voicemail. I will still look at my missed calls and return them instead.

And this is fine for your personal contacts.  In a business setting, though, where I don't use text functions at all, I get really annoyed when I call someone, leave a message that says "the meeting tomorrow has moved to 3pm" or "can you send me your TPS report?" and then they call me back asking me what I wanted.  I have already stated what I wanted in my VM.  In a business setting, refusal to listen to VM is viewed (where I work) as laziness.  And those workers tend not to be viewed favorably.  I would not have a business contact for long that refused to listen to my VMs.

I also get annoyed when this happens in my personal life.  Say I'm driving (so I won't text) and I need to tell someone that I just hit their exit and I'm giving them a 10 minute warning of my arrival time (I can use hands free in the car), I leave a VM, then they call me back two minutes later to ask me what I wanted.  Again, just annoying, and inconveniencing me as I have to repeat myself unnecessarily.  I'll give you that in most cases if I call a friend it's because I want to talk or need a call back, so if they just call me back without listening to my message, it doesn't matter too much to me...I'll probably not even know in most cases. 

Also, if I miss a call but didn't get a VM to go along with it, I don't call back.  Another pet peeve of mine is when people complain that I didn't call them back because they assumed I would when I saw caller ID, even though they didn't leave a message saying they needed me to.   I don't leave VM's if what I had to say was unimportant and doesn't require a call back and I don't return calls (mostly) unless I'm asked to.  VM is there for a reason and it becomes increasingly difficult to deal with everyone's little nuances of when calls are/should be expected.  Those friendships where it's just too hard to accommodate their message leaving preferences tend to fade away pretty fast for me. 

Also, Oceanus pretty much said it more consisely than I just did.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: citadelle on March 14, 2013, 12:31:03 PM
Also, it goes back to what I said earlier about a personís communication circle and relationships.  If people are leaving long or boring or (what you feel are) unnecessary messages, itís not the fault of the voice mail function.  The blame should but put on them, and on you (general) for not asking them to please stop leaving you long, boring, or unnecessary messages.  I've seen posts complaining about a spouse or SO or friend leaving an irritating "Returning your call" or "Why aren't you answering your phone?" message.  Well, whose fault is that?  ???

If I receive several overly long, boring, or unnecessary emails is that the fault of my computer or even my email system?  No.  Should I just say I hate email because I have to login with a password?  Um, no.



All of that may be true, but the reality is that I am still not going to listen to my voicemail. I will still look at my missed calls and return them instead.

I hate people who do that. Especially when I left the exact message I needed to on your voicemail. Now I have to look up the info again and give it to you. Or if you misdialed now I also have to deal with someone convinced I called them when I didn't.

I can understand if you hate the practice, but am a little insulted that you hate me.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: wolfie on March 14, 2013, 12:32:23 PM
Also, it goes back to what I said earlier about a personís communication circle and relationships.  If people are leaving long or boring or (what you feel are) unnecessary messages, itís not the fault of the voice mail function.  The blame should but put on them, and on you (general) for not asking them to please stop leaving you long, boring, or unnecessary messages.  I've seen posts complaining about a spouse or SO or friend leaving an irritating "Returning your call" or "Why aren't you answering your phone?" message.  Well, whose fault is that?  ???

If I receive several overly long, boring, or unnecessary emails is that the fault of my computer or even my email system?  No.  Should I just say I hate email because I have to login with a password?  Um, no.

I can understand if you hate the practice, but am a little insulted that you hate me.

All of that may be true, but the reality is that I am still not going to listen to my voicemail. I will still look at my missed calls and return them instead.

I hate people who do that. Especially when I left the exact message I needed to on your voicemail. Now I have to look up the info again and give it to you. Or if you misdialed now I also have to deal with someone convinced I called them when I didn't.

You are right - I should have said I hate it when people do that.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: BuffaloFang on March 14, 2013, 01:59:35 PM
I loathe VM.  I hate it in corporate communications, I hate it in personal communications.  I find an email or text is much easier to deal with; and an added bonus, it leaves a CYA trail. When it's a series of instructions, I find it easier to go through an email and check off the things that need to be done rather than listen to a voicemail (or even a phone call), frantically try to write instructions down, then re-listen to all the introductory garbage to get to the meat of the point just to ensure you didn't miss anything.

That said, I absolutely know it's my problem.  Do I wish voice mail could be abolished?  Sure, but since it's an accepted form of communication, I deal with it when I have to, and don't find people who use it "rude".  Inconvenient, maybe, but not rude. Kind of like how mothers pushing gigantic strollers down the sidewalk are inconvenient - but definitely not rude to do so (sure, it can be done rudely, but the act in itself is not rude).  I mean, I've had to fax something in the last year - talk about obsolete technology.  But it's not rude to use it.

Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: bloo on March 14, 2013, 03:30:03 PM
Quote
Which brings me to a question. I've seen many peple say that this outgoing message would be SS because it forces people to take extra steps to contact you. Yet I've also read several posts saying "turn off vm". If vm is turned off, it leads to the same extra steps, so does that make everyone without it SS? I don't have it on my home phone. I don't think that makes me SS. And I know that local cell plans, vm is almost always included and it costs extra to remove it. So why can't someone leave that outgoing message to text and not be SS if they'd be allowed to turn off vm?

Has nothing to do with turning off vm.

The snowflakey part involves not wanting to take time to punch in a pass code or to listen to a message AND insisting that callers text or use your (general) preferred method of communicating.  Typing a text message takes more effort and often more time than retrieving a voice mail message.  So, the :too much time and effortĒ excuse is not valid.

I don't mean to split hairs but I don't think it's snowflakey to not want to go to that trouble. I don't want to, but I still do it. Like I said, I think VM is a necessary evil.

Totally agree with BuffaloFang.

Also, it goes back to what I said earlier about a person’s communication circle and relationships.  If people are leaving long or boring or (what you feel are) unnecessary messages, it’s not the fault of the voice mail function.  The blame should but put on them, and on you (general) for not asking them to please stop leaving you long, boring, or unnecessary messages.  I've seen posts complaining about a spouse or SO or friend leaving an irritating "Returning your call" or "Why aren't you answering your phone?" message.  Well, whose fault is that?  ???
If I receive several overly long, boring, or unnecessary emails is that the fault of my computer or even my email system?  No.  Should I just say I hate email because I have to login with a password?  Um, no. 


Whiny messages from DH aren't my fault. I can't make him stop calling and leaving whiny VM's. I've asked him nicely and not-so-nicely. I've been passive-agressive and agressive-agressive. The only thing I haven't tried is doing the same thing to him. And I can't be bothered to because at this point I figure nothing will work. I have, through a process of non-cooperation, trained him to call me a lot less than he used (thank goodness).

Off-topic but just want to rant: if he doesn't aggravate me with a whiny VM, then he will call over and over and over and over. One time at a check-out, he called and I rejected the call figuring I 'd call him back as soon as the transaction was over. He called right back. Figuring he'd just keep calling, I answered the phone with a, "I'm at a checkout, I'll call you back." He said, "Well wait I just want to..." to which I repeated myself and disconnected. Cashier probably thought I was a rude wife but I was trying to be polite to her.

My DH and I must have totally different views of communication. When I call or text and leave a message, I put it out of my mind until they get back with me. Even if someone is avoiding talking or avoiding talking /texting with me, I still don't assume they're doing that. I don't take it personally at all. Maybe because I hate when people call me. I don't hate the people, I just hate that device ringing...beckoning me to pick it up and deal with it.

My DH seems to take it so personally when he can't get through to someone. His mind leaps to 'they're avoiding me' when most times I'd swear on my life they're not! I almost never hit 'reject' to one of DH's calls. It's almost like he views the phone as an 'instant-communication-device'. Almost everyone I know has a cellphone - that does not mean that everyone who has one is instantly accessible all the time. So why get upset if they don't answer or can't get back to for a while?

I remember my brother telling a friend who was getting snippy with him when she felt that my brother wasn't returning her calls fast enough. He responded, "I pay $130.00/month for MY convenience. It's not a digital tether that anyone who knows my number can jerk on when they want my attention." I'm all like, 'can I borrow that?' :)

 
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Outdoor Girl on March 14, 2013, 03:37:39 PM
I just goofed leaving a VM.  I was calling my brother because my nephew and his buddy just left to go home after a day of skiing.  I called his work phone, left a message saying I was going to call his cell.  And then left a full message on his cell.  He got the desk phone message first and had a little freak out that something was wrong.  Oops.

But I prefer to call when I'm at home and long distance doesn't matter because I HATE texting.  My cell only has a key pad, not a keyboard so texting is painful.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 14, 2013, 03:52:50 PM
Quote
Whiny messages from DH aren't my fault. I can't make him stop calling and leaving whiny VM's.

I didn't say it (whiny messages) was necessarily your fault.  But it is your problem and the point is that shouldn't be blamed on the voice mail function.

The remainder of your post is about various communication issues/problems with your DH.  What you can/cannot make him do, what he thinks, how he feels, etc. is between you and your DH.  It's not a voice mail problem.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: bloo on March 14, 2013, 04:02:46 PM
Quote
Whiny messages from DH aren't my fault. I can't make him stop calling and leaving whiny VM's.

I didn't say it (whiny messages) was necessarily your fault.  But it is your problem and the point is that shouldn't be blamed on the voice mail function.

The remainder of your post is about various communication issues/problems with your DH.  What you can/cannot make him do, what he thinks, how he feels, etc. is between you and your DH.  It's not a voice mail problem.

Actually you did say it was my fault. Right here:
"If people are leaving long or boring or (what you feel are) unnecessary messages, itís not the fault of the voice mail function.  The blame should but put on them, and on you (general) for not asking them to please stop leaving you long, boring, or unnecessary messages.  I've seen posts complaining about a spouse or SO or friend leaving an irritating "Returning your call" or "Why aren't you answering your phone?" message.  Well, whose fault is that? "

As far as the remainder of my post, you can see that I put 'off-topic just wanted to rant'. So I know that it's between my and my DH and not a fault of VM.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 14, 2013, 04:07:32 PM
Look again. I said you (general).

Interpret it as you wish.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Library Dragon on March 14, 2013, 04:12:12 PM
Snip Quote Thread
Especially when I left the exact message I needed to on your voicemail. Now I have to look up the info again and give it to you....

POD
We have this at the library.  We called and left a VM that the book requested is on hold and can be picked up.  Instead of checking the VM we get, "Someone from the library just called. "  We just told you why we called.  Now (general) you have to find your library card so we can check the account and tell you that the book you requested is here. 

Also, if a patron request materials and the only method of reaching the patron is telephone (we would much rather have an email or text notification in the system) please have VM.  We do not have the staff or time to call multiple times during the day trying to catch the person.  Of course we also get, "I didn't recognize the number so I didn't answer."  Grrrr.  A transaction that should have taken 30 seconds turns into a melodrama of "I wasn't notified that my book was in.  Why didn't you telllllllll me!"
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 14, 2013, 04:17:24 PM
Snip Quote Thread
Especially when I left the exact message I needed to on your voicemail. Now I have to look up the info again and give it to you....

POD
We have this at the library.  We called and left a VM that the book requested is on hold and can be picked up.  Instead of checking the VM we get, "Someone from the library just called. "  We just told you why we called.  Now (general) you have to find your library card so we can check the account and tell you that the book you requested is here. 

Also, if a patron request materials and the only method of reaching the patron is telephone (we would much rather have an email or text notification in the system) please have VM.  We do not have the staff or time to call multiple times during the day trying to catch the person.  Of course we also get, "I didn't recognize the number so I didn't answer."  Grrrr.  A transaction that should have taken 30 seconds turns into a melodrama of "I wasn't notified that my book was in.  Why didn't you telllllllll me!"

Sheesh.  There should be an alert system in the library system software *WARNING - SNOWFLAKEY PATRON*.   ;)
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Library Dragon on March 14, 2013, 04:44:00 PM
If I could invent one I'd be RICH, RICH I TELL YOU.   ;D

Of course there are the patrons who tell us to contact them via email, but give us an email they never check.  "Oh, I didn't know I had a book on hold.  I don't ever look at that account." 
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: bah12 on March 14, 2013, 05:36:52 PM
Whiny messages from DH aren't my fault. I can't make him stop calling and leaving whiny VM's. I've asked him nicely and not-so-nicely. I've been passive-agressive and agressive-agressive. The only thing I haven't tried is doing the same thing to him. And I can't be bothered to because at this point I figure nothing will work. I have, through a process of non-cooperation, trained him to call me a lot less than he used (thank goodness).


They are not your fault.  I agree.  But they are also not a reflection of any problem with VM.  Your DH, leaving whiny VM's are his fault, and it's your problem because you have to deal with it.  This seems to be a communication/relationship issue that has nothing to do with whether or not it's rude to leave VM messages in general.

There are rude ways to leave VMs.  This appears to be one of them.  But, it is not rude to leave VMs in general.  Regardless of how you(general) feel about them on a personal level.   
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: MyFamily on March 14, 2013, 06:15:00 PM
If someone doesn't want to check their voice mail messages before returning a call, that is certainly their prerogative, but let me give you a few real-life examples I am aware of that this has caused unnecessary stress for other people and for the person who didn't check her messages.

Mary and Bonnie are good friends.  Mary sees a missed call on her caller-id from Bonnie's house, assumes Bonnie called her and proceeds to call her back without listening to the message left.  Bonnie has no idea what Mary is calling about and tells her that she never called.  Odd, but whatever.  Then it happens again.  And again.  Turns out that it isn't Bonnie calling, it is Bonnie's husband Clyde and he's trying to arrange a surprise for Bonnie's birthday, only since Mary doesn't listen to her messages the whole thing gets messed up and Bonnie suspects Clyde of trying to hit on Mary because of the multiple calls until he has to tell her about the surprise he was trying to plan.  If Mary had listened to her messages, Bonnie would have had a wonderful surprise instead of thinking her husband was trying to cheat on her.

Mary receives a call from her doctor.  She returns the call without listening to the message from the nurse that says based on your test results, the doctor would like you to make an appointment to see her.  Please call the main desk to make the appointment.  When the front desk answers Mary's call, Mary asks to speak to the nurse, who tells her exactly what was told in the message and then transfers Mary back to the first person she'd spoken to. So, in this case, the nurse had to waste her time looking up the file and Mary wasted her own time because she could have been off the call that much faster.

Mary receives a call from a number she isn't familiar with, and calls back without checking her voice mail.  Turns out that the number that showed up on her caller id is the main number but there are about 50 possible people who could have called her, so the receptionist has no way of forwarding her call because she doesn't know who called her.  A few weeks later a friend asks her why she didn't call back his relative, who was calling to talk to her about a potential job.  Mary misses out on her dream job.

I used the same person in all examples because this all happened to someone I know who used to not check her messages and now she does (and no, it isn't me).
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Bexx27 on March 14, 2013, 06:37:44 PM

Mary receives a call from a number she isn't familiar with, and calls back without checking her voice mail.  Turns out that the number that showed up on her caller id is the main number but there are about 50 possible people who could have called her, so the receptionist has no way of forwarding her call because she doesn't know who called her. 

When I worked as a receptionist this scenario happened all the time and drove me absolutely crazy. Someone called you from this number? Well, 50 people work in the building. It was usually a few minutes of explaining that they've reached a switchboard, trying to figure out if they have any connection to any of the 6 programs the organization administered, trying to figure out why they might have been contacted by someone from said program to figure out who might have called, etc.  I wish I could have found a way to tell them to call back after they'd listenened to their voicemail without sounding rude.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: oceanus on March 14, 2013, 06:43:46 PM
Quote
I wish I could have found a way to tell them to call back after they'd listenened to their voicemail without sounding rude.

"Sir/ma'am, there is no way for me to know who called you.  Could be someone dialed a wrong number.  If you have voice mail maybe you should check it."

"ummm, well, I hate voice mail..."

"Well, sorry, I can't help you.  Excuse me, I have other calls."


That's more time and courtesy than they deserve.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Softly Spoken on March 14, 2013, 08:29:23 PM
I suppose if I had a job that required me to spend a significant amount of time wading through tedious email I would develop a dislike for it...but I have to admit most of the vehemence on these thread is startling in it's ferocity. It also seems to be a quite literal case of "shoot the messenger": the biggest annoyances and inconveniences seem to stem from the person leaving the message and not the VM itself.

Yes people who leave rambling messages are annoying. Yes, people who leave uninformative messages are annoying. Yes, people who leave messages at a time when it is too late to respond are annoying. Yes, people who leave messages complaining about getting your VM or asking if you are there are annoying and stupid. On the other side of things: yes, people who do not listen to their VM before they return your call are annoying. :P

I am grateful for VM. I am glad for calls reminding me of my upcoming appointments. I am glad I get calls letting me know something is cancelled or changed. I am glad my dad leaves me a sweet message on my answering machine when he makes his ritual nightly call and I am not there. When he has passed on, those messages will be a record I have of his voice saying he loves me. If my brother did not have VM he could not screen his calls and would never answer the phone.

The only thing I don't like about my messages are the ones that show up as a new message but are just a dial tone because it was someone trying to sell me something. >:(

I do agree with PPs about general VM guidelines. Speak clearly, identify yourself, include contact info as necessary and quickly give pertinent information.

On that subject, here is comedian Kevin James talking about the phone (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZfu-MtDsX0). He rants about VM etiquette starting at 1:33. ;D
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: onikenbai on March 14, 2013, 09:12:13 PM
I don't mind checking my message, but all I ask is that the message have something substantive.  I don't want your message to consist solely of:
-Hi, it's me.
-I just emailed you.
-No need to call me back.
-How is your cat?  (I get this one more than I should)

I agree, except about the "no need to call me back." I think this is OK if the message consists of something useful, for which a reply is not necessary. As in, "Hi, just letting you know that I did receive your message, and yes, I will be there at 6 PM instead of 5 PM. No need to call me back, see you at 6."

Oh, that's way too much substance, actually constituting a useful message.  That's fine with me.  What drives me batty is "Hi, it's mother.  Don't call me back." 
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Amara on March 14, 2013, 10:05:28 PM
Quote
I am glad my dad leaves me a sweet message on my answering machine when he makes his ritual nightly call and I am not there. When he has passed on, those messages will be a record I have of his voice saying he loves me.

Even after reading all these posts, I still cannot understand the dislike hatred of voice mail. It's a convenience that allows callers to leave a message instead of calling back multiple times. (Does anyone else remember the days before answering machines?)

But ... the quote above really hit home. My dad died in July last year. My mother probably won't be around for another year. But on my answering machine at home I have about 15 messages from one or both of them, including three years of them singing Happy Birthday to me on the day of. They cause me to tear up when I listen to them, and they are priceless. My mom called me the other day to tell me she loved me and missed me. I have that call too.

Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: citadelle on March 15, 2013, 08:09:39 AM
Quote
I am glad my dad leaves me a sweet message on my answering machine when he makes his ritual nightly call and I am not there. When he has passed on, those messages will be a record I have of his voice saying he loves me.

Even after reading all these posts, I still cannot understand the dislike hatred of voice mail. It's a convenience that allows callers to leave a message instead of calling back multiple times. (Does anyone else remember the days before answering machines?)

But ... the quote above really hit home. My dad died in July last year. My mother probably won't be around for another year. But on my answering machine at home I have about 15 messages from one or both of them, including three years of them singing Happy Birthday to me on the day of. They cause me to tear up when I listen to them, and they are priceless. My mom called me the other day to tell me she loved me and missed me. I have that call too.

My daughter's school calls to let the family know when the lunch account drops below $20. Right now, there are probably 15 such messages stacked on my voice mail. I can only afford to send $20 at a time to the account, which means that I will get a call every. single. day. If I want to listen to a voice mail left by someone else, I have to wade through all of the messages from school. I hate being reminded every day that I can't afford to send more.

This is one huge reason why I really hate vm and why I won't be listening to messages. It may seem like a little thing, but it is a daily reminder that my finances are not where I want them to be.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: Shoo on March 15, 2013, 09:05:01 AM
Quote
I am glad my dad leaves me a sweet message on my answering machine when he makes his ritual nightly call and I am not there. When he has passed on, those messages will be a record I have of his voice saying he loves me.

Even after reading all these posts, I still cannot understand the dislike hatred of voice mail. It's a convenience that allows callers to leave a message instead of calling back multiple times. (Does anyone else remember the days before answering machines?)

But ... the quote above really hit home. My dad died in July last year. My mother probably won't be around for another year. But on my answering machine at home I have about 15 messages from one or both of them, including three years of them singing Happy Birthday to me on the day of. They cause me to tear up when I listen to them, and they are priceless. My mom called me the other day to tell me she loved me and missed me. I have that call too.

My daughter's school calls to let the family know when the lunch account drops below $20. Right now, there are probably 15 such messages stacked on my voice mail. I can only afford to send $20 at a time to the account, which means that I will get a call every. single. day. If I want to listen to a voice mail left by someone else, I have to wade through all of the messages from school. I hate being reminded every day that I can't afford to send more.

This is one huge reason why I really hate vm and why I won't be listening to messages. It may seem like a little thing, but it is a daily reminder that my finances are not where I want them to be.

Why don't you simply delete them? 
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: citadelle on March 15, 2013, 09:28:37 AM
I must first listen to them to delete them. I know someone will say, "Just listen to the beginning and then delete". I have done this. It is better for me to simply ignore them. I am not looking for an alternative solution, rather explaining for anyone who is curious my reason for not listening to vm. If you don't agree that it is a good reason, that is ok with me.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: WillyNilly on March 15, 2013, 10:15:03 AM
I must first listen to them to delete them. I know someone will say, "Just listen to the beginning and then delete". I have done this. It is better for me to simply ignore them. I am not looking for an alternative solution, rather explaining for anyone who is curious my reason for not listening to vm. If you don't agree that it is a good reason, that is ok with me.

Well I for one do think its a valid reason. I would do the exact same thing... heck I do.

I haven't always hated VM (although I never loved it) but this thread is helping bring to light why I do, as I'd never really thought about it before, I just knew I hated it.

For me its a combination of things:
* I dislike the disembodied voice speaking at me
* I dislike the hassle of dialing in, having to choose to save, skip, delete, etc
* I dislike listening through the the pointless messages ("I'll email you" etc)
* I dislike the bad messages (several minutes of whatever followed by the important call back number said super fast, so I have to listen to the whole long message 3 or 4 times to get it)
* I dislike feeling tethered to my phone
* In my experience VM is more often then not, bad news, a complaint or expecting some sort of work from me
* If its important information, I have to write it down (whereas email or a text it would come to me already written)

All those negatives just don't even come close to the minute possibility of a good VM message.
Title: Re: Voicemail etiquette
Post by: bah12 on March 15, 2013, 10:41:15 AM
The thing is, I don't think anyone is arguing (at least I'm not) that you should love or not dislike VM.  I wouldn't say that I love it myself (although I don't dislike it as much as others).

The point is, you can dislike it all you want.  You can even choose not to use it all you want.  But it's still awfully expectant of you (general) to tell everyone else that they can't use an available and common means of leaving you a message simply because you don't like it.  While I'm having a hard time calling it rude to tell your contacts, after they call you, wait for you to answer, discover you're unavailable and listen to your outgoing message, to then hang up and open another application to get their message to you in a form you prefer, it does seem like you're asking your contacts to go through a whole lot of extra trouble to save you from some minor inconvenience.

But, I guess, it's not rude to choose not to use it.  As long as you realize that it's your choice, and the negative consequences, and missed relationships that naturally occur from making that choice are 100% your fault and not the fault of anyone who decides contacting you and leaving you messages is more trouble than it's worth, then you're fine.

Things that I would (and have) done to solve the problem of VM's I don't like getting.

1.  Calling whatever company is leaving annoying/repetetive messages and asking them to please stop calling
2.  Telling close friends that if they really want to get a hold of me faster, then can text me because I don't often answer the phone or listen to messages.
3.  Telling my family that texting me is the fastest way to get a hold of me in an emergency situation.
4.  Playing back my messages and deleting the ones that I know I don't need to listen to immediately (vs. listening to the whole message first).
5.  Turning of the VM function (on my home answering machine) when I'm on vacation and don't want to come back to a slew of messages.
6.  Auto forwarding calls to a phone I'll answer.
7.  Voice to text option.

All of these things are me taking care of my own problem vs. requiring everyone else to do it for me.