Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: TaurusGirl on March 22, 2013, 09:00:26 AM

Title: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: TaurusGirl on March 22, 2013, 09:00:26 AM
Oh wise e-hellions... I have a doozy :(

Important background:

1. The Hawk and I currently live in NorthernTown, but own a house in SouthernCity
2. Our dear friends Rien and Mark "house-sit" our house in SouthernCity; they pay utilities but The Hawk and I pay everything else
3. The Hawk and I have our room in our house in SouthernCity - when we travel there, we stay and live with Rien & Mark
4. Rien and Mark are getting married at the end of August
5. I have known Mark longer, but am a bridesmaid for Rien because she has become a very close friend

And on to the tale...

The Hawk and I love NorhternTown, but have eventual plans to move more South, somewhere between NorthernTown and SouthernCity. As such, every now and then we peruse the property listings for the area.

We have a specific list of must-haves, a list of would-likes, and a list of holy-cow-that-would-be-amazings. As it would happen, we found a property that has ALL of what we're looking for, and more. I contacted the agent, and said that if the property was still available in two months (that's the next time we'll be able to get away from NorthernTown long enough to travel that far) we would like to see it. The agent said he would let us know of any offers.

Because Rien & Mark have a wedding coming up, and because they live in the house The Hawk and I currently own, The Hawk decided to let them know what's going on; he sent Mark a detailed email saying we may be looking at a property in a few months, and that IF anything were to happen, it would be after their wedding, but that we wanted to give a heads up. Mark responded with "cool, thanks" and asked about the property. All sounds good, right?

Cue the drama.

I get a text from Rien: "So you're buying a new house. Great. I guess we're moving AND getting married this summer". I replied and explained exactly what was going on. She didn't answer... until I logged onto BookFace later that day. To find Rien's passive-aggressive status about having to spend her tax return on a down payment because "apparently I (Rien) have to worry about moving now too. Thanks a bunch".

*pause for milk & cookies for those reading*

I am furious - I am hurt - I am offended.

Furious because this feels like an attack from one of my closest friends, and that she deliberately is misinterpreting what she was told.
Hurt because she won't even speak to me.
Offended that she is painting me as the kind of person who would sabotage her wedding.

I don't even know where to go from here. Speak with Mark to set things straight? Speak with Rien (and end up tearing her a new one because that's how I react when I'm upset)? Drop out of the wedding? Kick them out of my house?

Am I wrong for not pausing my life because someone else is getting married?

Help :(

Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: kitchcat on March 22, 2013, 09:09:58 AM
I'm confused. You own a house in Southern City, plan on moving back there, but are looking to buy a new property? Why would that cause Rien and Mark to move? Are you selling the house you are letting them stay in?

Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: audrey1962 on March 22, 2013, 09:12:29 AM
Yes, I'm confused, too: Will you be selling the house if you buy the new property?
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Sharnita on March 22, 2013, 09:14:13 AM
I might send her a PM asking her if she really wnated to leave people with the impression that you had done them a disservice when they had enjoyed  place to live that only cost them utilities.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: MommyPenguin on March 22, 2013, 09:14:54 AM
Wow.  First of all, congrats on finding the perfect house, and I hope that it's available when you can get to see it!  We're house-hunting, too, so I know what a pain it is.

It sounds like Rien is being really ungrateful.  (Out of curiosity, is Rien her actual name, or did you name her "Nothing" because of her past action/attitude?  Curious if there's a history.)  Letting them housesit for just the cost of utilities is awesome and should have enabled them to save up towards a down payment.  Giving them over 2 months' notice (probably 3-4 even  if you do buy the house, as it takes a while) if very appropriate and gives them plenty of time to find their own place.

Rien bad-mouthing you on "Bookface" is galling.  What are her friends saying in response?

I don't think moving and getting married in the same summer is that bad, but then we settled on a house one weekend, moved our stuff over the next weekend, and married the third weekend.  The house was basically just a mass of boxes when we returned and moved into it after our honeymoon.  I thought it was sort of fun, unpacking and setting our house up together as a newly-married couple.  But maybe moving to a new place when they've been living together won't have that element of fun and will just be work, I don't know.  Still, she has no right/reason to badmouth you on Facebook when they've been living rent-free for ages.  If she has to use her tax return for a down payment because, what, they've been blowing all of their earnings instead of saving some?  That's their problem.  It sounds like they've become far too dependent on continuing to live on your generosity and not planning for the inevitable end of housesitting.

Oh, and to the PPs, I think she said that they are looking for a house that is halfway *between* NorthernCity and SouthernCity, not in SouthernCity.  So they're presumably selling the house in SouthernCity to pay for it.  (Maybe we should dub the city the new house will be in Midway or something to avoid confusion?)
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Zilla on March 22, 2013, 09:15:18 AM
I am confused, are you selling the Southern City house when you buy the other house?  Even if you aren't doing it till after the wedding, it's still a big expense for them to try and figure out.  And by you giving them a 2-3 month window, I think that is very fair notice.  Especially with them only paying utilities. 


So I can see their concern in now having to purchase a home or move into a rental. which takes time and could lessen the excitement and budget of a wedding  BUT it does not warrant the behaviour or their reaction.  And you gave them ample timing.


P.S.  What's bookface?  Is that a parody of Facebook?  Could you provide a link?
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Surianne on March 22, 2013, 09:15:41 AM
I think there's a lot of jumping the gun here.  You might buy a house if it's still on the market in 2 months?  That seems like a pretty slim chance of buying a place...so I'm not sure why you needed to worry Rien and Mark about it just yet.

I also don't see where Rien has said you're sabotaging her wedding.  I read your post a few times and I can't figure out how you got that out of what she posted.  Yes, she shouldn't have vented publicly about potentially having to move, but it seems like you're reading a lot into it that just isn't there.

Dropping out of the wedding or kicking them out of the house would be a totally over-the-top reaction to this, I think.  She posted something stupid because she felt blindsided.  Wait until you calm down, and then call her up and explain the situation -- that purchasing a place is a long shot, and you didn't mean to make her stress this close to her wedding.  Then see if she apologizes for her post.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Perfect Circle on March 22, 2013, 09:16:28 AM
I would not respond to her publicly in Facebook - but I think a PM might be a good idea.

She is behaving very badly - I assume you are planning to sell the property they currently live in if you do buy a new one? This surely isn't a surprise to them or were they planning to live effectively rent free forever?
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Zilla on March 22, 2013, 09:17:17 AM



Oh, and to the PPs, I think she said that they are looking for a house that is halfway *between* NorthernCity and SouthernCity, not in SouthernCity.  So they're presumably selling the house in SouthernCity to pay for it.  (Maybe we should dub the city the new house will be in Midway or something to avoid confusion?)
There's no confusion on which house.  Just that OP didn't clarify that she was going to sell house in Southern City OR friends are assuming she is selling house in Southern City when she isn't.  Just waiting on OP to clarify.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: MariaE on March 22, 2013, 09:30:25 AM
I think there's a lot of jumping the gun here.  You might buy a house if it's still on the market in 2 months?  That seems like a pretty slim chance of buying a place...so I'm not sure why you needed to worry Rien and Mark about it just yet.

I disagree. When we went house hunting last summer most of the houses we looked at had been on the market for 6 months or more - the one we ended up buying had been on the market for almost 10 months. 2 months seems like a very short time in comparison.

And even if it's a slim chance, it still is a chance, so if the Hawk hadn't mentioned anything now, Rien and Mark might have even shorter notice!

I think it's understandable that Rien and Mark got a tad stressed out at the idea, but it's completely unreasonable to be mad at the OP/Hawk because of it.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: TaurusGirl on March 22, 2013, 09:40:10 AM
Argh - I can't believe I left this part out!
Yes, we areplanning to sell the house  in SouthenCity if the property in Midway (thanks, good name!) Works out.

Due to the nature of the property in Midway, it would take 6+ months to broker the deal, so IF we went ahead with the purchae, it wouldn't be finalized until October or so.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: rose red on March 22, 2013, 09:41:29 AM
Well, even if you are selling your old house, you did give them two months notice (maybe more since you can't expect your house to sell right away).  Did she expect to live there rent free forever?  If my tax return is big enough to cover a down payment, I'd be grateful.  Being married is about being able to support  yourselves (things happen, but you know what I mean).  She should be thanking you for that sweet deal for how ever long she's lived there, not making public PA comments.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: audrey1962 on March 22, 2013, 09:42:13 AM
Thanks for the clarification.  :)

My advice: ignore her FB drama and call her to discuss this. Explain the situation. Her reaction will determine your next steps.

Good luck!
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: LeveeWoman on March 22, 2013, 09:43:04 AM
I might send her a PM asking her if she really wnated to leave people with the impression that you had done them a disservice when they had enjoyed  place to live that only cost them utilities.

I'd do that.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: TaurusGirl on March 22, 2013, 09:47:50 AM
Thank you for all the replies! I think part of my frustration is that what we said was we'd be looking at a property in 2 months, and that IF it was decent, we would consider selling the SouthernCity house. The Hawk specifically told Mark that nothing would be finalized until well after the wedding.

And the kicker (that I just found out this morning) is that Mark told The Hawk that he and Rien were planning on starting to house-hunt right after the wedding anyway. *sigh*

I realize I'm pretty worked up over this, but it's kind of the latest in a string of over-reactions and passive-aggression from Rien, so I'm a little fed up. (And her name isn't really Rien, but it sort of is derived from her middle name - it's just a funny coincidence that it translates so well :))
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: WillyNilly on March 22, 2013, 09:50:29 AM
Geez, I'd be SO tempted to comment on her Facebook status "exciting, I know!  :)" as if it was mean as a happy status.

I think, well I hope, you just caught her at one of those overwhelmed times. Like maybe that day had been: boss gives her a hassle about something that is not her fault, FMIL announces she's taking over the DJ selection on and BTW its a guy who specializes in Polka, 4 RSVP cards came in the mail with added extra guests and the catering bill came in. And then she heard about the house stuff and flipped. Hey its possible, right?

So I say let things settle for a bit and let yourself also calm down a bit, and then address it. The reality is most people who get married have at least one of two if not both of them move right around the time of the wedding. Its actually pretty standard, she's not going to get too much sympathy. And most people have to pay a heck of a lot more then just utilities for their homes, so again, she's not going to get a lot of sympathy. And you are giving her 6 months notice - I've known people who've gotten 6 weeks notice their landlord was selling the house. Her eyes will open.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Zilla on March 22, 2013, 09:52:05 AM
I would ignore it then.  You gave them ample time AND it might not even happen in that time frame.  If she keeps bemoaning about the house, then I or tell Hawk to tell them what was suggested in that PM.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Shoo on March 22, 2013, 09:52:27 AM
Ok. Wait.  Instead of THANKING YOU and being grateful that you have let live them in your house for free all this time, she is complaining about you on Facebook?

Maybe she was blindsided.  Maybe.  I don't think so.  I think she's a self-centered ungrateful person.  Friend?  I think she's got some apologizing to do before I'd give her that title again.

Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Sharnita on March 22, 2013, 09:53:52 AM
I May be a bit slow but if you sell your house couldn't they just make a downpayment and buy it from you since she seems to love living there so much?
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: KarenK on March 22, 2013, 09:56:11 AM
Well, even if you are selling your old house, you did give them two months notice (maybe more since you can't expect your house to sell right away).  Did she expect to live there rent free forever?  If my tax return is big enough to cover a down payment, I'd be grateful.  Being married is about being able to support  yourselves (things happen, but you know what I mean).  She should be thanking you for that sweet deal for how ever long she's lived there, not making public PA comments.

Yep. This. So this. I cannot believe she is being so ungrateful. The gravy train will be ending sometime within the next two to however many months it takes to find a house to buy and for your other house to sell.

As for what to do now. I vote nothing. I suspect that Mark will probably speak to her about her attitude, because it really stinks. I can kind of understand her initial reaction, but posting on Facebook is what moves it from a knee jerk reaction to a premeditated passive-aggressive attack. Not cool.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Redneck Gravy on March 22, 2013, 10:00:16 AM

My advice: ignore her FB drama and call her to discuss this. Explain the situation. Her reaction will determine your next steps.

Good luck!

I pod this

Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: MrTango on March 22, 2013, 10:04:27 AM
I May be a bit slow but if you sell your house couldn't they just make a downpayment and buy it from you since she seems to love living there so much?

That was my first thought as well.  If I was looking to sell a property that was currently rented (even if the rent is just the cost of utilities), the first thing I'd do is ask the tennants if they would like to make an offer to buy it from me.  That way, there are no Realtor commissions to pay.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Sharnita on March 22, 2013, 10:14:03 AM
I May be a bit slow but if you sell your house couldn't they just make a downpayment and buy it from you since she seems to love living there so much?

That was my first thought as well.  If I was looking to sell a property that was currently rented (even if the rent is just the cost of utilities), the first thing I'd do is ask the tennants if they would like to make an offer to buy it from me.  That way, there are no Realtor commissions to pay.

And she wouldn't have to move.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Eden on March 22, 2013, 10:20:33 AM
I May be a bit slow but if you sell your house couldn't they just make a downpayment and buy it from you since she seems to love living there so much?

That was my first thought as well.  If I was looking to sell a property that was currently rented (even if the rent is just the cost of utilities), the first thing I'd do is ask the tennants if they would like to make an offer to buy it from me.  That way, there are no Realtor commissions to pay.

And she wouldn't have to move.

Although given her recent behavior, I might be a little hesitant to enter into purchasing negotiations with her.

Anyway, at the current time, I would call Rein and say exactly what you feel. "Rein, I know you've got a lot going on with the wedding so maybe you didn't fully understand what we were communicating. We really are just giving you a heads up that we MIGHT sell the house AFTER your wedding. Nothing is certain and it will not happen soon." If she continues to be upset I'd be very blunt. "Honestly I think your reaction is completely out of line given the fact that you've been living rent free in our home this many months."
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: TaurusGirl on March 22, 2013, 10:21:46 AM
We had actually offered them to purchase the SouthernCity house last year, and they aren't interested at all. It doesn't suit their plans for kid, which we understand.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: snowfire on March 22, 2013, 10:24:32 AM
Exactly!  Our 20 year tenants bought the house from us.  Much happiness all around.  We bought a $30 fsbo contract, everyone agreed to the terms, went straight to title company.  No realtor commissions, no lawyers, no muss, no fuss.  It was a done deal in less than a week.  They didn't have to pack and move, we didn't have to do all the fancy updates an early 1970's house would need to be competitive in a soft market.  Win all the way around.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Sharnita on March 22, 2013, 10:29:30 AM
We had actually offered them to purchase the SouthernCity house last year, and they aren't interested at all. It doesn't suit their plans for kid, which we understand.

So you shouldn't sell it if/when there is a buyer available but they will move on when the time is right for you and then the house will be your problem?
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: doodlemor on March 22, 2013, 10:33:43 AM
Ok. Wait.  Instead of THANKING YOU and being grateful that you have let live them in your house for free all this time, she is complaining about you on Facebook?

Maybe she was blindsided.  Maybe.  I don't think so.  I think she's a self-centered ungrateful person.  Friend?  I think she's got some apologizing to do before I'd give her that title again.

POD, absolutely.  I think that Rien is acting like a spoiled brat, and you will be well rid of her.  It will be interesting to see how Mark deals with this situation. 

Is there any possibility that she would vandalize the house before she leaves?  A close friend once had a disgruntled tenant flush "feminine" products down the loo.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: JenJay on March 22, 2013, 10:36:02 AM
As annoyed as she probably is at the thought of having to look for a new place and move, I imagine that whole "now I'm going to have to pay rent" thing is the real reason she's upset.

If we had mutual friends I would not appreciate being made to look bad. I would reply to her FB post "As Hawk said, we are only planning to look at a house, and not for two more months. Even if we did decide to put in an offer it would be several more months before we sold the house you're staying in. We wanted to give you as much notice as possible, which is why Hawk mentioned it. Worst case scenario you've got 6 months to prepare. We thought keeping you in the loop was the kind thing to do but if it stresses you out we can wait and only mention it when we're ready to list the house."

I might consider privately letting her know that I thought I was being a good friend by letting her live in my home for free and I don't appreciate being publicly called out like a jerk.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: KenveeB on March 22, 2013, 11:28:35 AM
And the kicker (that I just found out this morning) is that Mark told The Hawk that he and Rien were planning on starting to house-hunt right after the wedding anyway. *sigh*

I'd be tempted to respond to her post with "I know, Mark said you were planning to start house hunting. How exciting!"
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Knitterly on March 22, 2013, 11:31:30 AM
As annoyed as she probably is at the thought of having to look for a new place and move, I imagine that whole "now I'm going to have to pay rent" thing is the real reason she's upset.

If we had mutual friends I would not appreciate being made to look bad. I would reply to her FB post "As Hawk said, we are only planning to look at a house, and not for two more months. Even if we did decide to put in an offer it would be several more months before we sold the house you're staying in. We wanted to give you as much notice as possible, which is why Hawk mentioned it. Worst case scenario you've got 6 months to prepare. We thought keeping you in the loop was the kind thing to do but if it stresses you out we can wait and only mention it when we're ready to list the house."

I might consider privately letting her know that I thought I was being a good friend by letting her live in my home for free and I don't appreciate being publicly called out like a jerk.
I would be extremely tempted to publicly let her know that. 

OP, I can see why you are hurt.  That was an incredibly rude and hurtful reaction to your generosity in letting them use your house rent free.

Like others have suggested, I think this conversation needs to happen face-to-face, in spite of the risk of you getting upset.  Maybe you can go out and have a coffee somewhere?

If she begins to rant and you begin to feel yourself sliding towards getting angry or upset, maybe you could just respond with "I am finding myself feeling upset with the direction this conversation is going.  Hawk and I have given you the use of our home for nothing more than the cost of utilities.  We've been really generous with you.  I'd prefer to continue this conversation when we've both calmed down."
If she continues, just say "No, I am feeling very hurt and I can't keep going with this conversation.  I will talk to you later."  Then walk away.

I'm sorry she is being so horribly ungrateful.  :(

And the kicker (that I just found out this morning) is that Mark told The Hawk that he and Rien were planning on starting to house-hunt right after the wedding anyway. *sigh*

I'd be tempted to respond to her post with "I know, Mark said you were planning to start house hunting. How exciting!"
Or this (which was posted while I was typing).  This is good, too. :)
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Snooks on March 22, 2013, 01:54:56 PM
I think it's time you got some real tenants into the house, this arrangement sounds like it could go south very quickly.  I also like the suggested FB responses of super excitement.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Mikayla on March 22, 2013, 02:31:16 PM
As annoyed as she probably is at the thought of having to look for a new place and move, I imagine that whole "now I'm going to have to pay rent" thing is the real reason she's upset.

If we had mutual friends I would not appreciate being made to look bad. I would reply to her FB post "As Hawk said, we are only planning to look at a house, and not for two more months. Even if we did decide to put in an offer it would be several more months before we sold the house you're staying in. We wanted to give you as much notice as possible, which is why Hawk mentioned it. Worst case scenario you've got 6 months to prepare. We thought keeping you in the loop was the kind thing to do but if it stresses you out we can wait and only mention it when we're ready to list the house."

I might consider privately letting her know that I thought I was being a good friend by letting her live in my home for free and I don't appreciate being publicly called out like a jerk.

I like this, especially the bolded.  I get what people using the "happy response" are saying, but if a good friend of mine jerked me around this way, I'd feel uncomfortable not addressing it.  I'd also take it a little further and ask her what she hoped to achieve by handling it that way. 
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: snowdragon on March 22, 2013, 02:48:07 PM
To me this all begs the question, If she is so furious with you, are you still a bridesmaid? And are you still willing if she even still wants that.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: CakeBeret on March 22, 2013, 03:02:43 PM
If I were Rein, I would be regularly kissing your feet for giving me a long-term place to live rent free, not publicly b*tching about you on FB. That takes some gall.

I would give her 24 hours to calm down, and then I would call her on it. Publicly and privately. I like JenJay's suggestion.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Sara Crewe on March 22, 2013, 04:08:44 PM
I think this is a living example of the idea that if you give people things, at first they are very grateful, then somewhat grateful and then the gratitude wears off and they start to feel entitled.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: PastryGoddess on March 22, 2013, 05:21:12 PM
I would wait to see if anyone responds to her post. If there are no comments on her post then just follow up with her via phone and let her know how you feel. If there are comments and they are in the vein of "poor stressed Rien" then feel free to post a response. 
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Awestruck Shmuck on March 22, 2013, 05:39:48 PM
I would have such a hard time not responding to that Vaguebook post  especially since she's not responding to other methods of communication!...Every example I come up with sounds obnooxious, but what about...nope, that's obnoxious too.

I love facebook, when I get to see photos of loved ones I can't see in person too often, or random chat sessions with old friends - but fb MAKES drama, where there was none. If your friend had written this in a notebook instead, she would realise how drastically she is overreacting.

Don't chase this chick. and if she hasn't cooled her jets in a month, send her a rent bill. I understand doing something so generous for a friend, or for someone who really needs it - but she's planning a wedding, chances are she's not struggling to put food on the table!! (I know, weddings can be expensive, I'm planning one myself - but bills and expenses get paid first!).

Hope you get the house you love though! :)
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: sammycat on March 22, 2013, 07:36:46 PM
Ok. Wait.  Instead of THANKING YOU and being grateful that you have let live them in your house for free all this time, she is complaining about you on Facebook?

Maybe she was blindsided.  Maybe.  I don't think so. I think she's a self-centered ungrateful person.  Friend?  I think she's got some apologizing to do before I'd give her that title again.

If I were Rein, I would be regularly kissing your feet for giving me a long-term place to live rent free, not publicly b*tching about you on FB. That takes some gall.

I would give her 24 hours to calm down, and then I would call her on it. Publicly and privately. I like JenJay's suggestion.

I agree!

I am appalled at Rien's attitude/reaction.  Had you done me this enormous favour, I'd be silently thanking you every day!

Millions of couples get married and move house at the same time. Why is she so special that she should be the exception?  Oh wait. She isn't.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: YummyMummy66 on March 22, 2013, 07:40:45 PM
Did they know that you might be selling the house one day?

Why don't they choose to buy said house that they have been having a sweet deal on?  for how long?  If they have only been paying utilities, (no mortgage?  no taxes?), then there should have been plenty of time to save for a down payment on their own home.

Have you thought of asking them if they wish to purchase this home, since they are already living in it?  If this is an idea you might have, I would first get it it appraised, (not telling them why, just stating tht it needs to be done to possibly sell home), and then go to them with an offer of how much you are willing to accept?

I would not email, facebook, etc. unless Rien will not talk to you by phone.  I would wait a week or so, and think of a calm reply.

Somethng along the lines of, "Rien, there seems to have been some miscommunication.  I would like to clear this up if possible.  First off, start with what was actually said to her other half about the possible selling of the house and state what  is true.  Then, I would call her out on her FB status and let her know that you were really hurt by this.  You understand she might have have been upset by the miscommunication, but she should have called you first and discussed it before saying those things to everyone about you that can now never be taken back.  And you think it is really poor taste, especailly when you offered your home to them with only paying utilities.   Where else would she have found this kind of deal?   You hope that you can get together to talk and discuss this situation to eliminate any further communications."
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: PastryGoddess on March 22, 2013, 07:56:31 PM
Did they know that you might be selling the house one day?

Why don't they choose to buy said house that they have been having a sweet deal on?  for how long?  If they have only been paying utilities, (no mortgage?  no taxes?), then there should have been plenty of time to save for a down payment on their own home.

Have you thought of asking them if they wish to purchase this home, since they are already living in it?  If this is an idea you might have, I would first get it it appraised, (not telling them why, just stating tht it needs to be done to possibly sell home), and then go to them with an offer of how much you are willing to accept?

I would not email, facebook, etc. unless Rien will not talk to you by phone.  I would wait a week or so, and think of a calm reply.

Somethng along the lines of, "Rien, there seems to have been some miscommunication.  I would like to clear this up if possible.  First off, start with what was actually said to her other half about the possible selling of the house and state what  is true.  Then, I would call her out on her FB status and let her know that you were really hurt by this.  You understand she might have have been upset by the miscommunication, but she should have called you first and discussed it before saying those things to everyone about you that can now never be taken back.  And you think it is really poor taste, especailly when you offered your home to them with only paying utilities.   Where else would she have found this kind of deal?   You hope that you can get together to talk and discuss this situation to eliminate any further communications."

OP has said that they turned down an offer to buy as the house didn't fit with their future plans
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Roodabega on March 22, 2013, 11:09:51 PM
I think this is a living example of the idea that if you give people things, at first they are very grateful, then somewhat grateful and then the gratitude wears off and they start to feel entitled.

I was feeling this way throughout the post.  I'd probably have to turn the computer off to keep from responding to the facebook post.   I'd try the route of calling and finding out what was going on with the FB post.  At some point between now and this summer, I would tell the couple that starting May 1 or some other similar date, that the you would need to start charging rent for the place.  Make it what ever is reasonable for the Southern City for a house in that neighborhood.

If they truly are looking for a house, that should be incentive.  You can couch the need for rent to whatever reason you want to use, or just give the rent amount with extra commentary.  Some people need to have to work for something to value it.  Based on what you have said, they don't value the sacrifice you're making for them.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: LifeOnPluto on March 23, 2013, 04:11:37 AM
If I were Rein, I would be regularly kissing your feet for giving me a long-term place to live rent free, not publicly b*tching about you on FB. That takes some gall.

I would give her 24 hours to calm down, and then I would call her on it. Publicly and privately. I like JenJay's suggestion.

Yup. I agree with CakeBeret and JenJay. I'd wait 24 hours, in the hopes that Rien will come to her senses, and remove the post (and send you an apology).

If she doesn't, I'd reply to that comment on Facebook (I too, like JenJay's wording) and send her a PM.

To me this all begs the question, If she is so furious with you, are you still a bridesmaid? And are you still willing if she even still wants that.

Good point! Frankly, I'd be sorely tempted to step down, if this is how she treats people who do her favours.

At the very least, I'd be strongly considering cooling the friendship.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Shortylicious on March 23, 2013, 06:52:27 AM
In situations like this I like to respond with something along the lines of "I'm confused....help me to understand this right....Mark told the Hawk that you were going to househunt. So why are you upset that we are considering selling the house?" And then I'd let her know that I was hurt and disappointed by her post after we had let them live in my house rent free.
I remember how I got a little crazy planning my wedding. I'm usually a pretty laid back, easy going person but I recall one incident where I stepped back and thought "holy cow...I'm becoming a bridezilla!". Maybe after a calm conversation with you, she may realize that she's gone over the edge! Good luck.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: bonyk on March 23, 2013, 07:09:03 AM
I think responding on facebook would be fine, as long as it's done politely, using facts and not emotions. 
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: oopsie on March 23, 2013, 09:34:12 AM
Hi OP. Reading your post makes my blood boil. If it were me, I would not let this go. First I would take the 24 hours that previous posters have suggested to calm down. Then I would call her directly and calmly ask to speak to her about the situation and explain to her the reality of it (she would not have to move right away, it may not even come together, etc.) I would give her the chance to work through her concerns and clear the air. Then, when it is all done, I would address the Facebook post.

I would tell her that it hurts my feelings that she posted what she did. That it came across as passive aggressive and in the future, if there is a problem, I would prefer she address it with me directly (as I have just done for her) rather than airing it on Facebook for all to see. I would also ask her to remove it out of respect.

If she is defensive, belligerent or rude to me during any of this, then I would seriously consider whether her "friendship" is something I want.

Hope it all works out for you. Hugs!!
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all! Update Pg4)
Post by: TaurusGirl on April 04, 2013, 12:39:49 PM
Hello all!
So I brooded for several days, and realized that I was over-thinking and possibly taking things too personally. Yesterday, I sent Rien the following email:

Hi Rien,

I miss talking with you. The last few times I've messaged, I've gotten the impression you don't want to speak with me. I know you're busy with wedding-related issues and so on, and I'm sorry I'm not closer to help out more.
I will still be in town soon for work, and was hoping we could still get together as planned. Whatever works best for you.

TG


I haven't had a reply yet, which is odd because Rien has her smartphone on her hip at all times. I'm hoping I haven't made things worse...
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Surianne on April 04, 2013, 12:54:59 PM
I think that was a very kind email, and I'm glad you took that step rather than follow her lead and take it to Facebook.  If she agrees to meet up with you, clearing the air in person will be much easier than through text.  I hope she realizes she's being unfair and doesn't throw away the friendship over this. 

It may take her a few days to think it over and reply, so I wouldn't worry to much that she didn't reply immediately.  If she doesn't reply, at least you know that you tried and you handled it with class.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: EllenS on April 04, 2013, 01:39:01 PM
Well done, TaurusGirl, on being the bigger person, and extra points for supreme graciousness.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Eeep! on April 04, 2013, 03:57:21 PM
I think that was a very very nice way to handle it.
I don't think that there is any way that it could make things worse. If she responds poorly to that text, then things were already bad.

And I would like to agree with those who say they can't believe the ungratefulness exhibited. Did they really think that such an arrangement was going to continue indefinitely? It really chaps my hide. On your behalf, of course.

Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Redneck Gravy on April 05, 2013, 09:31:33 AM
Hi OP. Reading your post makes my blood boil. If it were me, I would not let this go. First I would take the 24 hours that previous posters have suggested to calm down. Then I would call her directly and calmly ask to speak to her about the situation and explain to her the reality of it (she would not have to move right away, it may not even come together, etc.) I would give her the chance to work through her concerns and clear the air. Then, when it is all done, I would address the Facebook post.

I would tell her that it hurts my feelings that she posted what she did. That it came across as passive aggressive and in the future, if there is a problem, I would prefer she address it with me directly (as I have just done for her) rather than airing it on Facebook for all to see. I would also ask her to remove it out of respect.

If she is defensive, belligerent or rude to me during any of this, then I would seriously consider whether her "friendship" is something I want.

Hope it all works out for you. Hugs!!

I like this a lot.  I also think it gives you an insight to how she is going to act in the future.  If she leaps to FB to post every slight and/or if she removes it promptly and/or apologizes for the leap. 

I also agree it is going to help you decide if this is a friendship you want to continue.  There is only so much you can pass off as wedding stress.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: LifeOnPluto on April 06, 2013, 12:56:29 AM
I think if she doesn't reply to that text, you can probably assume you're no longer a bridesmaid...
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: GrammarNerd on April 06, 2013, 10:05:02 AM
Frankly, if she's still being this 'sensitive' and won't respond to you, I'd have to wonder what she'd do to my house to get back at me for the perceived slight.  Perhaps not outright damage, but just not taking care of something as well as she could. 

I'd maybe give her a few more days and then get BOTH of them together and lay it out there for them; how this was never a slight against them, and by behaving the way she did with the facebook thing and then ignoring you, you have to wonder now if she never really thought of you as a friend but was just sucking up to you for the free housing.  Because most (rational) people who are supposedly your friends, upon being given potentially 6 months notice that they will have to find a new place, would thank you for letting them live in your house rent-free, NOT have a public hissy fit full of slanderous comments followed by what basically amounts to a cut direct.

(And if sincere, groveling apologies are not forthcoming immediately, I would tell them that you're now going to live up to the reputation that she so publicly attributed to you: please pack your things immediately and be out of the house within 3 days.  It would not be rude, because she is obviously no longer a friend, and you don't let non-friends live your home).

It kind of galls me (on your behalf) that she feels it's okay to treat you like that and ignore you while they are actually LIVING in YOUR home.  So not cool.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: HenrysMom on April 06, 2013, 10:16:36 AM
OP, you've tried being "nice" and it's gotten you nowhere.  Inform her on open FB that, since she doesn't appreciate being given a place to live RENT-FREE for how many months/years, they can either start paying market value rent as of 5/1 or move their ungrateful bottoms out.

As the old saying goes, no good deed goes unpunished, and Rien thinks she's embarrassing and punishing you for daring to inconvenience her.  Let her have it with both barrels.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: TaurusGirl on April 06, 2013, 03:01:17 PM
Hello again!

Well... the p00p has hit the fan. And I am furious.

I spent most of yesterday evening texting with Rien. (Since we are so far apart, face-to-face isn't an option, and we work opposite shifts so speaking on the phone doesn't work out either).

She replied initially by telling me that she was angry and didn't know what to say. Then she followed up with the fact that "the whole house situation is affecting our friendship and I (Rien) feel hurt". I replied that since Mark had mentioned that they were planning on house-hunting, I didn't understand. Then we really got into it.

Rien is now accusing me of having a "master plan" to sabotage her life, by forcing her and Mark to look for a new place to live; because they will be strapped after paying for their wedding, they hadn't really been planning on looking for houses for a while. AND the icing on the cake: that it feels like a giant EFF-YOU that The Hawk & I are "doing this" to her.

I admit, I replied angrily, asking how long we were supposed to finance her life, and how long she would like me to put my dreams on hold, since apparently no one is allowed to have anything happening in their lives while she is planning her wedding. She didn't reply.

Through all this drama, Mark has remained level-headed and calm, communicating with The Hawk regularly about house issues etc. I realize that Rien is in wedding-crisis-mode, and honestly I don't believe that she is thinking straight. That doesn't change the fact that she has not only offended and hurt me, but she has officially made me angry.

So, e-hellions, I am at an impasse.

I am not going to let Rien's wedding (and attitude) make me miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

I will TRY not to take her attack personally.

And finally... I'm not sure I want to be her bridesmaid. Which breaks my heart, because Mark is one of my dearest friends, and I had thought Rien was too. :(

Help.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Sharnita on April 06, 2013, 04:03:30 PM
Yeah, Rien is not your friend.

I think you and DH need to meet with Mark and Rien.  Review the current situation - they live in a house where they only pay utilities but pay no other rent.  You will be looking for a house and in a few months,if you find one, you will give them the standard notice so they can find somewhere else to live.

Clarify that Rien has expressed anger over the current situation.  Make it clear that she has other options. Those options are:


1) They can start paying rent.  When you need them to move out they will still get the standard notice.
2) You can give them notice a lot more quickly and they can find somewhere to live even sooner - with less time to save.

You are perfectly happy with the current situation but you want them to be happy too, so you encourage them to go home and discuss whether they (Rien) truly want to change the current situation and if so, let you know which option they choose.

Then I would explain that considering the existing tensions you are not comfortable being in the wedding.  DH is willing to step down too, if that solves a need to "balance the numbers". One upside of this is they won't need to spend money on you for flowers, bridesmaid gift (I would stay home from the ehearsal dinner and wedding) so that is money for the house - although I wouldn't point that out.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Luci on April 06, 2013, 04:06:08 PM
Handle everything through Hawk and Mark, or just let them do business and friendship as usual. Just skip having anything to do with Rien for a bit.

You tried, got burnt, so just step away for now. And let the bridesmaid thing just hang - you'll hear more when it's time for final fittings or whatever the next step is for your part. If money is the next step, I guess you have no choice.

Hmmmm. Quite different from what Sharnita said, and we usually agree!

Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Otterpop on April 06, 2013, 04:56:37 PM
Wow, Sharnita and Luci45's suggestions both sound reasonable.  I lean more towards having a meeting with the 4 of you because the house, the wedding, and the friendship connection could get REALLY hairy.  Having the BFF spouses there might lesson the tension.

You and Hawk have been more than kind.  A house comes with a mortgage, insurances, taxes and maintenance.  You have been giving it all away FREE to these two.  If a regular renter had taken the house you could have gotten X dollars or at least covered your expenses.  Rental property can be good business (BTW: I property manage and have never been burned by purely business relations, only by FRIENDS ::))

Sometimes when you let a person have something for nothing, they don't value it.  In fact, they feel entitled and begin to act like they are doing you a "favor" by taking care of it for you.  It might be time to calculate the amount of rent they've saved all this time and remind them (or not).  Ultimately it's up to the two of you on how you deal with this, but hitting it head on is probably necessary due to all the entanglements.



Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Poppea on April 06, 2013, 06:10:55 PM
Hello again!

Well... the p00p has hit the fan. And I am furious.

I spent most of yesterday evening texting with Rien. (Since we are so far apart, face-to-face isn't an option, and we work opposite shifts so speaking on the phone doesn't work out either).

She replied initially by telling me that she was angry and didn't know what to say. Then she followed up with the fact that "the whole house situation is affecting our friendship and I (Rien) feel hurt". I replied that since Mark had mentioned that they were planning on house-hunting, I didn't understand. Then we really got into it.

Rien is now accusing me of having a "master plan" to sabotage her life, by forcing her and Mark to look for a new place to live; because they will be strapped after paying for their wedding, they hadn't really been planning on looking for houses for a while. AND the icing on the cake: that it feels like a giant EFF-YOU that The Hawk & I are "doing this" to her.


This is NOT wedding jitters.

This is so very very crazy, that if I were her fiance I would be reconsidering marrying her at all.  You had a "master plan" to ruin her life?  By letting them live rent free for months, but not years? 

Do not participate in this wedding, ask Hawk to step down too.  Give them a date to move out, and after that have the place on the market until it sells.  Stay away from Rein, but keep the lines of communication open with Mark in case he needs help later on when she accuses him of something.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: gemma156 on April 06, 2013, 06:58:35 PM
Talk about biting the hand that feeds you and cutting off your nose despite your face.  It's coming across to me that Rien  had thoughts of holding a gigantic BBW, as she didn't have as many other financial commitments to worry about ie. Rent cost, insurance etc.. and thought she could splash out bigger to highlight her marriage.

But now that she and Mark have been given notice about your future intentions, that means she can't spend out as big as she wants, as she can no longer justify the all out expense.  So instead of being grateful for the wonderful opportunity you have given them to live a lot cheaper (hopefully using that opportunity to put away more savings),  she is blaming you for ruining her 'dream wedding'.

You made the right decision to pull away, and move on without her in your life.  Don't waste more time on the ungrateful and greedy, don't even waste any more time texting her anymore.  Just move on and remember that sometimes no good deed goes unpunished.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: iggylove on April 06, 2013, 07:00:30 PM
Hello again!

Well... the p00p has hit the fan. And I am furious.

I spent most of yesterday evening texting with Rien. (Since we are so far apart, face-to-face isn't an option, and we work opposite shifts so speaking on the phone doesn't work out either).

She replied initially by telling me that she was angry and didn't know what to say. Then she followed up with the fact that "the whole house situation is affecting our friendship and I (Rien) feel hurt". I replied that since Mark had mentioned that they were planning on house-hunting, I didn't understand. Then we really got into it.

Rien is now accusing me of having a "master plan" to sabotage her life, by forcing her and Mark to look for a new place to live; because they will be strapped after paying for their wedding, they hadn't really been planning on looking for houses for a while. AND the icing on the cake: that it feels like a giant EFF-YOU that The Hawk & I are "doing this" to her.

I admit, I replied angrily, asking how long we were supposed to finance her life, and how long she would like me to put my dreams on hold, since apparently no one is allowed to have anything happening in their lives while she is planning her wedding. She didn't reply.

Through all this drama, Mark has remained level-headed and calm, communicating with The Hawk regularly about house issues etc. I realize that Rien is in wedding-crisis-mode, and honestly I don't believe that she is thinking straight. That doesn't change the fact that she has not only offended and hurt me, but she has officially made me angry.

So, e-hellions, I am at an impasse.

I am not going to let Rien's wedding (and attitude) make me miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

I will TRY not to take her attack personally.

And finally... I'm not sure I want to be her bridesmaid. Which breaks my heart, because Mark is one of my dearest friends, and I had thought Rien was too. :(

Help.

She is an ungrateful brat.  At this point, I would send her a certified letter to be out of MY house within 30 days, and I would drop out of the wedding.  She was never your friend, unfortunately.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Sharnita on April 06, 2013, 07:05:20 PM
iggylove, I agree with your assessment of her but I think it sounds like Mark has been a friend which is why I suggested a meeting to lay it all out.  Frankly, I thought it might even be advantageous for him to be able to see his future bride's thought process first hand.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: TootsNYC on April 06, 2013, 07:06:27 PM
Handle everything through Hawk and Mark, or just let them do business and friendship as usual. Just skip having anything to do with Rien for a bit.

You tried, got burnt, so just step away for now. And let the bridesmaid thing just hang - you'll hear more when it's time for final fittings or whatever the next step is for your part. If money is the next step, I guess you have no choice.


Yep.

You're the grownup here. You're the one with enough self-awareness to see things clearly.

Give up your need to be right. And just let go of the friendship.

Just completely pull back. Leave ALL communication through your husband and Mark. About everything.

Trying to have any communication with her is just going to make things worse. Skip it completely.

Don't reply. Don't argue. Don't justify. Don't anything.

And you and DH decide how you want to live your lives, yes, and do what you want when you want.

For one thing, this leaves her room to come to her senses. It's possible she will.
At any rate, any communication now is just picking at the wound. Leave it alone.

For is it not written, "It won't get better if you pick at it"?
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: ChiGirl on April 06, 2013, 07:59:46 PM
Rien is now accusing me of having a "master plan" to sabotage her life, by forcing her and Mark to look for a new place to live; because they will be strapped after paying for their wedding, they hadn't really been planning on looking for houses for a while.
I am not going to let Rien's wedding (and attitude) make me miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

If your "master plan to sabotage her life" starts by letting her live in your house rent-free, then you are the world's most ineffectual supervillian.  Dr. Horrible-level-ineffectual.

In all seriousness, she is being thoroughly irrational, so don't communicate until she comes to her senses.  (Which might be never.)

Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Iris on April 06, 2013, 08:14:50 PM
I've been following this thread from the start and I now officially feel like I have been taking crazy pills. You had a (dun dun daaaaaaaah) Master Plan to destroy her life? Seriously? By letting her stay rent-free in your house? You evil cow!  ::) I wonder what universe she lives in that this makes even remote sense.

My advice is to just stay right away from her. There have been times in my life when I have known friends to go stark staring batpoo crazy for a week or so and then snap back to normality. Perhaps that's what's happening here. Either way, whether she is a backstabbing frenemy or just suffering from temporary insanity, there is nothing to be gained by talking to her right now. Let your DH stay in touch with Mark and see how the chips fall in the next little while.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: WillyNilly on April 06, 2013, 08:15:36 PM
I would send her a email, cc'ing Mark. I would let her know she has 3 options:

1. She can apologise (and mean it) for her accusations, FB posts and all-around unjustified anger

2. They can start paying market value rent and sign a month to month legal lease

3. They can move out/face legal eviction

And I would give a time limit that one of the above is done/starts as of May 1. And then I'd sit back and wait. No further explainations, emails, texts, etc. Those are the only options, choose one.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: sammycat on April 06, 2013, 08:25:57 PM
I agree with options 2 and 3, and the waiting part, but I think there's not a snowball's chance in ehell of option 1 happening.

I would send her a email, cc'ing Mark. I would let her know she has 3 options:

1. She can apologise (and mean it) for her accusations, FB posts and all-around unjustified anger

2. They can start paying market value rent and sign a month to month legal lease

3. They can move out/face legal eviction

And I would give a time limit that one of the above is done/starts as of May 1. And then I'd sit back and wait. No further explainations, emails, texts, etc. Those are the only options, choose one.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Sharnita on April 06, 2013, 08:33:26 PM
I agree with options 2 and 3, and the waiting part, but I think there's not a snowball's chance in ehell of option 1 happening.

I would send her a email, cc'ing Mark. I would let her know she has 3 options:

1. She can apologise (and mean it) for her accusations, FB posts and all-around unjustified anger

2. They can start paying market value rent and sign a month to month legal lease

3. They can move out/face legal eviction

And I would give a time limit that one of the above is done/starts as of May 1. And then I'd sit back and wait. No further explainations, emails, texts, etc. Those are the only options, choose one.

I don't think most of us expect that but I think it is included as an option for Mark's sake.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: WillyNilly on April 06, 2013, 08:37:17 PM
I agree with options 2 and 3, and the waiting part, but I think there's not a snowball's chance in ehell of option 1 happening.

I would send her a email, cc'ing Mark. I would let her know she has 3 options:

1. She can apologise (and mean it) for her accusations, FB posts and all-around unjustified anger

2. They can start paying market value rent and sign a month to month legal lease

3. They can move out/face legal eviction

And I would give a time limit that one of the above is done/starts as of May 1. And then I'd sit back and wait. No further explainations, emails, texts, etc. Those are the only options, choose one.

I don't think most of us expect that but I think it is included as an option for Mark's sake.

E
Exactly. Because this way *he* is fully aware why the would be lossing their sweet deal: because she refused to play nice and act like a rational adult, and intead dug her heels in like an insistant, spoiled brat.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: AnnaJane on April 06, 2013, 08:44:33 PM
I'd suggest including Mark on ALL further emails, texts, or talks, if only because it seems Rien isn't communicating with him either. From your update, it doesn't sound as if he's heard about her latest accusations of a Master Plan, or some of the text nastiness she's engaged in. And he thought they were all ready to start househunting any day now, so perhaps his fiancee hasn't mentioned how big the wedding bills are getting and why finding a new place is not in her plans anymore. 
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: doodlemor on April 06, 2013, 08:52:12 PM
POD to those who think that any future communications go through Mark and Hawk.

Absolutely POD to GrammarNerd, who says that she may do something to the property.  Also to Poppea, who says that this whole thing is "very, very, crazy."

A close friend of ours owns a property that has 2 apartments, in addition to her family's living quarters.  One vindictive person flushed large amounts of lady products before she left, trying to damage the plumbing.  Fortunately our friend's husband is a contractor, and was able to dig up the pipes and fix the problem quickly.

Rien's behavior is so bizarre that I worry that she may be plotting something.  I think that you should inspect the property immediately after they vacate, and check everything carefully.  If Rien does something and the place sits empty for even a few days she will claim that there have been intruders.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: blarg314 on April 06, 2013, 09:26:45 PM

Let me get this straight - you're letting her live in your property, rent free, and she's accusing you of trying to sabotage her life?

In your situation, I would phone first contact a property lawyer in the area of your house, to see what your options are for getting rid of your friends parasites. I say this because you may not simply be able to kick them out, depending on the local laws about residency and eviction.

Then I would phone Mark (not Rien) and lay things out plainly. You were happy to do them a favour by having them house-sit rent free. Rien's reactions recently have been totally appalling, and you feel like you've been slapped in the face and stabbed in the back in return for your attempts to help them. Quote texts if necessary. You're sorry it's gotten to this point, but you're not comfortable having them living on your property any more.  Then, depending on your talk with the lawyer, lay out your plans for what happens next, which will involve them moving out in the near future.

Yes, this will probably tank the friendship, at least in the short term. But if Mark is marrying the crazy, your friendship is probably not going to survive anyways, unless you're willing to re-arrange your life and finances to make things happy and easy for Rien. And, as others have pointed out, you're risking the resale value of your house and possible litigation if Rien goes further, and sabotages the place in revenge.

At this point, I think accepting an apology would be find from a friendship point of view, but not from a managing your property point of view. Keep all copies of correspondence, including texts, in case things escalate and you need to involve the police.
 
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: sammycat on April 06, 2013, 09:42:30 PM

Let me get this straight - you're letting her live in your property, rent free, and she's accusing you of trying to sabotage her life?

In your situation, I would phone first contact a property lawyer in the area of your house, to see what your options are for getting rid of your friends parasites. I say this because you may not simply be able to kick them out, depending on the local laws about residency and eviction.

Then I would phone Mark (not Rien) and lay things out plainly. You were happy to do them a favour by having them house-sit rent free. Rien's reactions recently have been totally appalling, and you feel like you've been slapped in the face and stabbed in the back in return for your attempts to help them. Quote texts if necessary. You're sorry it's gotten to this point, but you're not comfortable having them living on your property any more.  Then, depending on your talk with the lawyer, lay out your plans for what happens next, which will involve them moving out in the near future.

Yes, this will probably tank the friendship, at least in the short term. But if Mark is marrying the crazy, your friendship is probably not going to survive anyways, unless you're willing to re-arrange your life and finances to make things happy and easy for Rien. And, as others have pointed out, you're risking the resale value of your house and possible litigation if Rien goes further, and sabotages the place in revenge.

At this point, I think accepting an apology would be find from a friendship point of view, but not from a managing your property point of view. Keep all copies of correspondence, including texts, in case things escalate and you need to involve the police.

I agree with every single word.   I also think you/DH, or someone you trust, needs to be there on moving out day so as to (A) make sure Rien doesn't damage the house in some way, and (B) you can take photos of the state of the house that day so that any damage you find can't be blamed on anyone else.

Good luck. This probably won't be pleasant, but Rien has left you with no other choice.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Sharnita on April 06, 2013, 09:58:16 PM
I mentioned meeting with them and I still think that would be wise - it would aslo allow you to visit the house, make sure it is in good shape and maybe even take some photos so if any damage is done you have a record of what it looked like.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: johelenc1 on April 06, 2013, 11:25:38 PM
What does your husband want to do?  I'm just curious if he is as angry as you are.  I think he should be.  But, men are often much less emotional about this sort of thing.

Personally, this would absolutely be the end of the free ride.  Sure, Mark is a nice guy, but sadly, since I'm assuming he actually wants to live with his soon-to-be wife, you have to kick him out along with her.  And, I would do it asap, instead of waiting.  Give them 30 days and get them out.  Then, put the house up for sale immediately.

If I were feeling really, really kind, (or if my hub made me) and if I didn't need the equity to buy the next house, I would find out market rent and if it wold cover the expenses on the house, I would give them a 30 day notice that starting on the 1st following 30 days, the rent is $X.  They can pay it, or move out by that date.

It then becomes their choice.  They can stay and pay like normal people avoiding the expense and hassle of moving.  Or, get out, and either buy or rent something else.

I also POD sending Hawk over when the letter is delivered to check the condition of the house - even taking pictures under the guise of "showing our real estate agent and getting ideas on what needs to be done to sell".  Hawk should also definitely "help" them move out to keep an eye on the house.  Hopefully Mark is a stand-up enough guy to prevail over his DF and leave the house in good condition.

And, there is no way I would be in this wedding.  I don't know if waiting to tell her will do any good if you plan on kicking them out or charging them rent.  Personally, I also would not demand Hawk back out too.  To me, that is entirely between he and Mark.  But, there's no rule that says you both have to be in the wedding or that you even have to go.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: TaurusGirl on April 07, 2013, 10:46:01 AM
First off, I am flattered to be compared to Dr. Horrible!! :D

The Hawk and I had a long talk - we are going to leave any and all house-communications to he and Mark. And this morning, we had a long email from Mark apologizing for the over-reactions on their end. Mark said that there had been a "misunderstanding about the timing", and that of course he wouldn't expect us to carry on with this arrangement forever. The Hawk is, as surmised, much more calm about the situation. He has a plan in place if we need to take measures to remove them from the house, but doesn't think it will come to that.

I'm relieved that the crazy isn't contagious at least. *sigh* I'm still incredibly hurt by Rien's actions and words, and am debating stepping down from the wedding party just on principle. I don't want to do that to Mark, but honestly I just don't have my heart in it any more.

As for Rien doing damages to the property, I know she isn't that type of person. I also know that Mark would not let that happen; he is most certainly not that kind of person, and he and I have known each other far too long for him to take that kind of drastic measure.

The last message I sent to Rien (before we received Mark's email) was "so how are we going to get through this then?" No answer yet.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: alkira6 on April 07, 2013, 12:38:00 PM
First off, I am flattered to be compared to Dr. Horrible!! :D

The Hawk and I had a long talk - we are going to leave any and all house-communications to he and Mark. And this morning, we had a long email from Mark apologizing for the over-reactions on their end. Mark said that there had been a "misunderstanding about the timing", and that of course he wouldn't expect us to carry on with this arrangement forever. The Hawk is, as surmised, much more calm about the situation. He has a plan in place if we need to take measures to remove them from the house, but doesn't think it will come to that.

I'm relieved that the crazy isn't contagious at least. *sigh* I'm still incredibly hurt by Rien's actions and words, and am debating stepping down from the wedding party just on principle. I don't want to do that to Mark, but honestly I just don't have my heart in it any more.

As for Rien doing damages to the property, I know she isn't that type of person. I also know that Mark would not let that happen; he is most certainly not that kind of person, and he and I have known each other far too long for him to take that kind of drastic measure.

The last message I sent to Rien (before we received Mark's email) was "so how are we going to get through this then?" No answer yet.

Not trying to be mean or anything, but check out the bolded.  Before the poo hit the fan, you just "knew" that these people were your friends and were grateful for what you had done for them.  Why has it taken so long for Mark (the long time friend) to step in and say anything?  Why has this not had a resolution from his end? Who do you think he will side with - you or bat poo crazy fiancee?  The behavior of these two has shown you that you need to re-evaluate what you think you "know" about them, because real friends wouldn't have done this, and a "real" friend would not have tolerated the bat poo from his finacee towards his friends.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: LeveeWoman on April 07, 2013, 12:41:57 PM
First off, I am flattered to be compared to Dr. Horrible!! :D

The Hawk and I had a long talk - we are going to leave any and all house-communications to he and Mark. And this morning, we had a long email from Mark apologizing for the over-reactions on their end. Mark said that there had been a "misunderstanding about the timing", and that of course he wouldn't expect us to carry on with this arrangement forever. The Hawk is, as surmised, much more calm about the situation. He has a plan in place if we need to take measures to remove them from the house, but doesn't think it will come to that.

I'm relieved that the crazy isn't contagious at least. *sigh* I'm still incredibly hurt by Rien's actions and words, and am debating stepping down from the wedding party just on principle. I don't want to do that to Mark, but honestly I just don't have my heart in it any more.

As for Rien doing damages to the property, I know she isn't that type of person. I also know that Mark would not let that happen; he is most certainly not that kind of person, and he and I have known each other far too long for him to take that kind of drastic measure.

The last message I sent to Rien (before we received Mark's email) was "so how are we going to get through this then?" No answer yet.

Not trying to be mean or anything, but check out the bolded.  Before the poo hit the fan, you just "knew" that these people were your friends and were grateful for what you had done for them.  Why has it taken so long for Mark (the long time friend) to step in and say anything?  Why has this not had a resolution from his end? Who do you think he will side with - you or bat poo crazy fiancee?  The behavior of these two has shown you that you need to re-evaluate what you think you "know" about them, because real friends wouldn't have done this, and a "real" friend would not have tolerated the bat poo from his finacee towards his friends.

Sadly, I agree.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Poppea on April 07, 2013, 01:29:37 PM
First off, I am flattered to be compared to Dr. Horrible!! :D

The Hawk and I had a long talk - we are going to leave any and all house-communications to he and Mark. And this morning, we had a long email from Mark apologizing for the over-reactions on their end. Mark said that there had been a "misunderstanding about the timing", and that of course he wouldn't expect us to carry on with this arrangement forever. The Hawk is, as surmised, much more calm about the situation. He has a plan in place if we need to take measures to remove them from the house, but doesn't think it will come to that.

I'm relieved that the crazy isn't contagious at least. *sigh* I'm still incredibly hurt by Rien's actions and words, and am debating stepping down from the wedding party just on principle. I don't want to do that to Mark, but honestly I just don't have my heart in it any more.

As for Rien doing damages to the property, I know she isn't that type of person. I also know that Mark would not let that happen; he is most certainly not that kind of person, and he and I have known each other far too long for him to take that kind of drastic measure.

The last message I sent to Rien (before we received Mark's email) was "so how are we going to get through this then?" No answer yet.

Why would you want to be in the wedding party of someone that thinks you have a master plan to sabatoge her life?  Thats a HUGE thing to throw at someone.  What if something does go wrong - you forget to bring something or are 10 minutes late to a wedding event?  It will confirm to her that yes you do have a plan and that she is right.  What about all the other bridesmaids?  Do you really think she hasn't told them about how horrible you are?  How awkward is it going to be at the shower while all the other women are looking at you and wondering how you had the nerve to show up after all the terrible things you have done to Rein?
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Hawkwatcher on April 07, 2013, 02:50:12 PM
I think that you and Hawk are being too charitable to Mark and Rein. Mark may be a decent person who would never damage your property.  He may also be the type that would never let Rein damage your property.  But is he going to watch her 24 hours a day, every single day?

As for Rein, she may have at one time been a decent person.  But you should consider the possibility that she is no longer that same person. This Rein may very well use her paranoid fantasies as an excuse to retaliate against you. 
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Jaelle on April 07, 2013, 03:21:44 PM
To be fair, we don't know what's going on behind the scenes.

Mark might not have known all the things Rien was saying to the OP.

For all we know, that last email was brought on when he found out and there could be some major poo hitting the fan in that home. Like, wedding-ending, life-changing discussions.

Or maybe not. But I'd wait and see about Mark.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on April 07, 2013, 06:05:00 PM
This has got to be one of the most insane things I have ever read, and I think blarg314 nailed it.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: blarg314 on April 07, 2013, 09:54:27 PM
I would say two thing...

First, I agree with PPs that you *don't* know Rien. Up until this happened, you didn't know she would stab you in the back for doing them a massive favour. That's a pretty major personality trait - what else does she have that you haven't encountered yet? 

The second - Mark can apologize for Rien, but he's not her keeper, and  he can't be guaranteed to control her.  So the fact that Mark's a nice guy doesn't negate the fact that Rien is, to all appearances, unstable and vindictive. The fact that he's engaged to her doesn't mean she's a decent person either (I suspect we all know know couples where one is a nice guy/girl and the other is bad new).
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: MerryCat on April 07, 2013, 09:59:16 PM
Coming late to this thread. I don't know what to say but my flabber is truly gasted. I'm not sure whether I'd want to stay in the wedding party if I were you either. If you stay, everything you do wrong, and she'll probably find all sorts of things you do "wrong", will be proof of your sabotage. On the other hand, if you drop out then you're trying to ruin her special day. I'm glad that Mark is still sane. Perhaps Hawk could talk to him and ask him if it would be better if you dropped out?
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Eeep! on April 08, 2013, 04:55:20 PM
First off, I am flattered to be compared to Dr. Horrible!! :D

The Hawk and I had a long talk - we are going to leave any and all house-communications to he and Mark. And this morning, we had a long email from Mark apologizing for the over-reactions on their end. Mark said that there had been a "misunderstanding about the timing", and that of course he wouldn't expect us to carry on with this arrangement forever. The Hawk is, as surmised, much more calm about the situation. He has a plan in place if we need to take measures to remove them from the house, but doesn't think it will come to that.

I'm relieved that the crazy isn't contagious at least. *sigh* I'm still incredibly hurt by Rien's actions and words, and am debating stepping down from the wedding party just on principle. I don't want to do that to Mark, but honestly I just don't have my heart in it any more.

As for Rien doing damages to the property, I know she isn't that type of person. I also know that Mark would not let that happen; he is most certainly not that kind of person, and he and I have known each other far too long for him to take that kind of drastic measure.

The last message I sent to Rien (before we received Mark's email) was "so how are we going to get through this then?" No answer yet.

Why would you want to be in the wedding party of someone that thinks you have a master plan to sabatoge her life?  Thats a HUGE thing to throw at someone.  What if something does go wrong - you forget to bring something or are 10 minutes late to a wedding event?  It will confirm to her that yes you do have a plan and that she is right.  What about all the other bridesmaids?  Do you really think she hasn't told them about how horrible you are?  How awkward is it going to be at the shower while all the other women are looking at you and wondering how you had the nerve to show up after all the terrible things you have done to Rein?

I agree with this - I totally think you should back out. What would be the point of staying in?
I'm glad that Mark is being more rational but I think I would still, at the very least, talk to an attorney to see what you would need to do in the even you need them out.  Because, even if Mark plans on dealing with it rationally, that doesn't mean that Rien will.
And, if it were me, I really would consider still having them leave.

And because it can't be said enough: Anyone who thinks that someone's Master Plan to Ruin Their Life starts with letting them live rent free for months and months, has some serious issues. At the very least that suggests they have a severe case of "The World Revolves Around Me and Everything People Do Is In Some Way Related To Me".
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: GSNW on April 08, 2013, 05:52:57 PM
Rational people do not behave this way -- even when there is a miscommunication, even when they might have money woes, even under wedding stress. Rien's behavior is totally inexcusable.  You (meaning OP) have gone above and beyond in reaching out and trying to smooth things over.  I would not communicate with Rien any more in your shoes.  Assume you are not in the wedding and proceed accordingly - unless she comes to you with an honest and sincere apology that wasn't coerced by Mark, I would consider this friendship over.

Do not give her further opportunity to abuse you.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: rashea on April 09, 2013, 10:31:26 AM
Sorry, but an apology about "misunderstanding the timing" is not sufficient in this situation. Mark may not know what she's said, in which case he should be informed. If he does, then he's being as slimy as she is. Regardless of anything, someone who told me that I had a "master plan" to ruin their life would no longer be welcome in my home rent free (or at all). Without an apology for that, you can't and shouldn't move on. And letting them continue to live there rent free is moving on in a way. Even with an apology, I'd be hesitant to continue this situation with someone so volatile.

I think the next step needs to be for the Hawk to let Mark know that while you appreciate his apology for "misunderstanding the timing" this issue has now gone beyond that and you need an apology, and them to move out if they would like to salvage the friendship.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: Otterpop on April 09, 2013, 10:47:24 AM
Mark may be a true friend to your husband or he could be trying to salvage his free rent situation.  In either case, he does not know the damage his fiance has caused.  This spells trouble for them going forward.  Hopefully, you and your DH will be able to disentangle from the situation soon.

Good luck OP and may cooler heads prevail.  (Update us when you can  ;D).
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: PastryGoddess on April 09, 2013, 04:19:04 PM
Sorry, but an apology about "misunderstanding the timing" is not sufficient in this situation. Mark may not know what she's said, in which case he should be informed. If he does, then he's being as slimy as she is. Regardless of anything, someone who told me that I had a "master plan" to ruin their life would no longer be welcome in my home rent free (or at all). Without an apology for that, you can't and shouldn't move on. And letting them continue to live there rent free is moving on in a way. Even with an apology, I'd be hesitant to continue this situation with someone so volatile.

I think the next step needs to be for the Hawk to let Mark know that while you appreciate his apology for "misunderstanding the timing" this issue has now gone beyond that and you need an apology, and them to move out if they would like to salvage the friendship.

I happen to agree with you, BUT...
I think that it's up to the OP and the Hawk to determine what is a sufficient apology from Rien and Mark.  Obviously there is a lot more going on and I think that we need to assume that OP and the Hawk can determine what their breaking point/line in the sand is.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: TaurusGirl on April 09, 2013, 08:35:20 PM
Well, I have a happy update!

Firstly, as some other posters surmised, there is more detail behind all of this. Most important I think is that Mark is a very old & dear friend of mine; one of my best friends, actually. I knew him long before Rien did, and was actually the first person he introduced his "new" girlfriend to.
Secondly (and this was news to me), Mark & Rien had a series of disasters over the last couple of weeks, all wedding-related
- their photographer backed out (she was doing the wedding for free, as a gift)
- another bridesmaid found out she leaves for basic training 2 days before the wedding
- a third bridesmaid has been behaving... terribly (I'll leave it at that)
- their families have gone wedding-crazy
So there were a lot of other things affecting our situation with them.

And now to the update!

The Hawk & Mark had a talk (email), and then Mark and I had a very long conversation; Mark had been unaware of Rien's rantings, and apologised profusely to both The Hawk and me. He then sat down with Rien, and somehow set her straight.
Rien called me, and we talked, and cried, and talked more. She is one of my closest friends, so being on the outs with her was very painful.

She and I hashed out a deal that we will leave The Hawk & Mark to discuss house-business, and she and I will focus on our friendship and the wedding.

I am happy with this outcome, as is The Hawk; the four of us will be able to work together like a team - landlord/tenant - until they move, and then we can go back to just being friends :)

Thank you all for your input; I'm grateful that I didn't explode at my friends, and thankful that I got so much insight into what was going on!

:)
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: jedikaiti on April 09, 2013, 08:50:57 PM
Oh my dear and fluffy lord, I think that amount of crisis & drama would make ANYONE flying-rodent-poo crazy. I don't know if it would make me lash out at a dear friend like that, but I know I'd be more than halfway to the funny farm!
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: LadyR on April 09, 2013, 09:07:08 PM
I'm glad you worked it out. I wondered if there was other stuff going on. It sounds like Rien is being piled upon (having to find a new photographer could be a nightmare as many book up a year in advance and will be an expense they hadn't bargained on), so if she got the news a bout possibly having to move last, I can see why she might have lashed out. It doesn't excuse her behaviour, but it explains it a bit.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: KB on April 09, 2013, 09:50:34 PM
I'm glad you're so very forgiving, but I don't know what it says about her that, rather than turning to you for a shoulder to cry on, she lashes out instead. She's lucky you were willing to work through it and find a solution rather than doing what most people would see as the logical step and cutting her off completely. I hope she realises how fortunate she is.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: sammycat on April 09, 2013, 11:00:47 PM
I'm glad you're so very forgiving, but I don't know what it says about her that, rather than turning to you for a shoulder to cry on, she lashes out instead. She's lucky you were willing to work through it and find a solution rather than doing what most people would see as the logical step and cutting her off completely. I hope she realises how fortunate she is.

I agree.  Not to downplay what to Rien are big issues, but I know of people (myself included) facing far bigger crises' and they/we don't lash out at those nearest and dearest to us, especially when they've been  kind enough to fund their lifestyles for the past few years.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: tacrat on April 10, 2013, 08:36:15 AM
It does sort of show what type of person she is that one of her major stress points used as a mitigating factor is that she has lost another valuable service that she was expecting for free (the photographer).  That is a major wedding expense.  So she blows up when she's suddenly expected to pay for things she is responsible for herself!


Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: jedikaiti on April 10, 2013, 11:01:28 AM
On the other hand, I am less than 30 days from my wedding, and getting emails from vendors offering huge markdowns for cancelled dates and remaining openings for the rest of the year, so there are deals to be had. Sure, it won't be FREE, but it doesn't have to be full price, either.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: LadyR on April 10, 2013, 11:58:55 AM
On the other hand, I am less than 30 days from my wedding, and getting emails from vendors offering huge markdowns for cancelled dates and remaining openings for the rest of the year, so there are deals to be had. Sure, it won't be FREE, but it doesn't have to be full price, either.

I don't know where you are but generally April is less expensivewill have more openings that August as August is high, high wedding season. Even the beginning of May will be less busy (at least here).
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: jedikaiti on April 10, 2013, 12:00:39 PM
On the other hand, I am less than 30 days from my wedding, and getting emails from vendors offering huge markdowns for cancelled dates and remaining openings for the rest of the year, so there are deals to be had. Sure, it won't be FREE, but it doesn't have to be full price, either.

I don't know where you are but generally April is less expensivewill have more openings that August as August is high, high wedding season. Even the beginning of May will be less busy (at least here).

Here, April & May are decidedly off-season, as Mother Nature hasn't decided if it's Spring or not yet. :-) But, if someone has a cancellation or a random date without a booking, often times they will offer a dramatic markdown to get someone in that slot.
Title: Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
Post by: ACBNYC on April 10, 2013, 12:07:29 PM
On the other hand, I am less than 30 days from my wedding, and getting emails from vendors offering huge markdowns for cancelled dates and remaining openings for the rest of the year, so there are deals to be had. Sure, it won't be FREE, but it doesn't have to be full price, either.

I don't know where you are but generally April is less expensivewill have more openings that August as August is high, high wedding season. Even the beginning of May will be less busy (at least here).

Here, April & May are decidedly off-season, as Mother Nature hasn't decided if it's Spring or not yet. :-) But, if someone has a cancellation or a random date without a booking, often times they will offer a dramatic markdown to get someone in that slot.

I just saw this the other day: http://www.bridalbrokerage.com/ The company buys cancelled weddings from the bride/groom and resells them at a discount. Definitely a way to get a wedding for a discount although you won't have much flexibility in terms of dates, etc.