Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: Nemesis on March 26, 2013, 12:46:05 AM

Title: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Nemesis on March 26, 2013, 12:46:05 AM
I didn't want to derail the other thread.

Two days ago, I received a Facebook private message from a friend inviting me to a party at her home. As I am on strict bed rest at home, I declined through a private message.

She called me this morning to ask me to change my mind. After all, the party is in a month's time. I could get well enough to attend by then! I explained that I am on bed rest and will likely remain so due to my high risk pregnancy. In fact, I could very well be hospitalised again. She said it won't be stressful at all, and that we will all be seated most of the time. Feeling a little pushed, I asked her what the party is for. She said it was just a get together with friends. Since she refused to take no for an answer, I said that I would think about it. Then I lied and told her that I needed to go and wished her goodbye. Well considering I am chained to my bed, I actually didn't need to go anywhere, but the conversation made me very uncomfortable.

I called another mutual friend up to ask if she knew about this party. Then the truth poured forth. It was for a cosmetic brand.

E-hellions, I am very hurt. My condition, fears and problems are on my Facebook page, which is a medium that this friend chose to invite me with. Even if she did not read any of that, I explained to her on the phone just why I could not make it. And now I find out that it is not really a party, but for money. This is an old friend.

I want to tell her that she has crossed the line and I am deeply hurt. Everything that I can think of right now sounds very rude. I actually wrote a long Facebook private message in response which I did not send. It was on how this is such a trying time in my life and even if she cannot be supportive, at least don't try to make me risk my health further just so that she can make quick buck off me. I think it is way too blunt and awful, so I deleted it.

Suggestions? Am I overreacting?
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Waterlight on March 26, 2013, 01:10:47 AM
You are absolutely not overreacting!  Your "friend"--and I use this term very loosely--seems to think making money off you is more important than your health and your baby's health.  Her sense of entitlement is appalling. 

If she calls again about the party, just give her the standard line: "I'm afraid that won't be possible."  Lather, rinse, repeat.  If you want to, you can tell her what you've told us:  that she's crossed a line and you are deeply hurt.

I have cut someone out of my life for something similar that was important to me.  A so-called "friend" thought my doing a favor for her was more important than my honoring a commitment to help care for my then-terminally-ill father.

If your "friend" does not understand or respect your need to look out for your health and the health of your baby, cutting her out of your life may be something to consider.

Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: CrochetFanatic on March 26, 2013, 01:26:30 AM
You're not overreacting at all.  Even if she's finding it difficult to grasp the full implications of bed rest (doubtful), continuing to ask after being told no is pushy.  Your baby's health is more important than her making a few bucks, and if she can't accept this and respect your wishes, then she doesn't sound like much of a friend.  She's adding extra stress you don't need.  I hope she finally gets a clue and backs off.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: peaches on March 26, 2013, 01:30:29 AM
I agree that this is horrible behavior.

The only explanation I can think of (and it is not an excuse) is that your friend has been drinking the sales pitch Kool-Ade and has lost command of her faculties.

I wouldn't send a reproof by email, because email has eternal life, and it can be spread and misused, etc. 

I would wait and see if she brings this up again. If she does, be very firm ("that will not be possible"), and it's fine to tell her you are hurt that she would give her business venture priority over the health of your baby.

I sincerely hope if she calls you, it will be to apologize.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Nora on March 26, 2013, 02:29:38 AM
Not overreacting. What a self-centered witch!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Emmy on March 26, 2013, 02:48:41 AM
Not over-reacting at all.

Your friend did so many rude things here.  First of all, she is pulling a bait and switch.  Second of all, she is not taking 'no' for an answer.  It is very rude for her to push you into going to the party, even if the reason was you simply did not feel like going.  The fact she knows you have a high risk pregnancy and are on bedrest by doctor's orders and is still pushing you to attend a sales party shows that she thinks she is the center of the universe and thinks very little of your situation. 

If she is pulling that kind of pressure on you, I imagine when other guests victims go to this 'friendly get together', she'll apply a lot of pressure for them to buy cosmetics.  It really seems she values the money or goodies she'll get from selling the make-up over the well being and comfort of her friends. 
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: zyrs on March 26, 2013, 03:26:19 AM
You are not overreacting.  What she did is just  :o.

Hopefully she will realize just what she did and apologize to you.

 
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Nemesis on March 26, 2013, 05:01:24 AM
Op here.

Thank you to everyone who responded, for the reassurances that I am not overreacting. I was hypersensitive during my last pregnancy so this time, I wasn't sure if my hurt and anger is actually rational and justified.

Waterlight, I read about your "friend" in your thread and she is just awful. Unbelievably terrible. I am so sorry about your dad. And I hope that "friend" will someday learn that the world does not revolve around her!

Peaches, you brought up something that I did not consider - that emails can last forever. You are absolutely right. I was so tempted to blast away, but now I will definitely refrain from a written response.

I will send her a text message tomorrow. What do you think of the wording below:

Hi, I discussed your party with Mr. Nemesis and we decided that the trip will be too risky for me and the baby. Thanks for the invitation anyway, and I hope you guys have a good time!

Personally, I think it is too nice and polite. But then again, I am still angry and hurt. I will sleep on it and see if my opinion changes tomorrow.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: KB on March 26, 2013, 05:18:30 AM
I will send her a text message tomorrow. What do you think of the wording below:

Hi, I discussed your party with Mr. Nemesis and we decided that the trip will be too risky for me and the baby. Thanks for the invitation anyway, and I hope you guys have a good time!

I must admit I'd be inclined to say something like '[Beginning as is.] Thanks for the invitation anyway, and I hope the make-up party goes really well.'

That tells her you know exactly what is going on and why without sounding at all nasty or negative. Should she have a guilty conscience, that might wingadingdingy it, which is all to the good. If she doesn't, she most likely won't even notice, but you will have said your piece, which I imagine will make you feel better.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Twik on March 26, 2013, 07:33:05 AM
I wouldn't place the "blame" on a spouse - she'll just respond about how you have to live your own life, and your spouse shouldn't be so controlling.

Also, I think it is justified to let her know that *you* know that it is a sales party. That may, eventually, make her realize she has done a shameful thing.

So, here's my draft,

"Hi, I've checked with my doctor, and s/he says that bedrest is non-negotiable for me for the next couple of months. I'm sorry I can't attend, but I hope you and your guests have a blast, and that you get to sell a lot of product. Best wishes, Nemesis"
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: LeveeWoman on March 26, 2013, 07:41:25 AM
I wouldn't place the "blame" on a spouse - she'll just respond about how you have to live your own life, and your spouse shouldn't be so controlling.

Also, I think it is justified to let her know that *you* know that it is a sales party. That may, eventually, make her realize she has done a shameful thing.

So, here's my draft,

"Hi, I've checked with my doctor, and s/he says that bedrest is non-negotiable for me for the next couple of months. I'm sorry I can't attend, but I hope you and your guests have a blast, and that you get to sell a lot of product. Best wishes, Nemesis"

I wouldn't put it on my husband, either, but nor would I put it on my doctor. I'd just tell her that I was on bed-rest and couldn't attend her make-up party.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: sammycat on March 26, 2013, 08:09:09 AM
I wouldn't put it on my husband, either, but nor would I put it on my doctor. I'd just tell her that I was on bed-rest and couldn't attend her make-up party.

Ditto.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Sharnita on March 26, 2013, 08:17:22 AM
Upon further reflection attending a party is just not worth the risk of my health or my baby's.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Zilla on March 26, 2013, 08:26:42 AM
I can understand how upsetting and how hurtful it is thinking it was a party for you and it turned out being a sales party.  That isn't a true friend!  I would simply decline like Sharnita mentioned.


And congratulations!  I didn't realize you were pregnant.  :)
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: joraemi on March 26, 2013, 08:52:57 AM
How insensitive of her.  I'm assuming, of course, that you want to keep this person as a friend - otherwise I'd suggest the cut direct.  I don't have time for people like that in my life nor would I be bothering to justify why I'm not coming to her Sales party.

But since you want to respond, I agree that your current proposed response is too nice. I'd go with:

Self-absorbed Friend,

 I have given it some thought and I definitely will not be attending your Cosmetics party.

Nemesis

Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Shoo on March 26, 2013, 09:02:39 AM
She LIED to you.  Flat out lied.  I wouldn't even bother responding to her anymore.  Ignore her.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: RingTailedLemur on March 26, 2013, 09:10:22 AM
"As I explained to you on the telephone, the health of myself and my baby precludes attending your sales party."
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: rose red on March 26, 2013, 09:18:38 AM
"As I explained to you on the telephone, the health of myself and my baby precludes attending your sales party."

I would do this, but make sure 100% this party is the sales party since you got the information second hand.  It sounds pretty likely, but there's that slim chance.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Cami on March 26, 2013, 09:19:12 AM
She LIED to you.  Flat out lied. 
And she lied to you for her own material gain, willfully ignoring the serious medical situation you are dealing with. I do not think I would feel a need to be friend with this person any longer.  I'd probably contact her and say, "I will not be attending your cosmetic sales party" and then cease contact with her.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Judah on March 26, 2013, 09:22:16 AM
I wouldn't send her a text or email. I would wait until she contacted me again about the party, then I'd let her have it. Not rudely, but angrily. Does she not realize how precarious your situation is to have been put on bed rest! And she wants you to risk your health and that of your child to attend a sales party! And she lied to you about it! I'm furious on your behalf.

But if you feel you need to send her something, I'd go with RingTailedLemur's response.

"As I explained to you on the telephone, the health of myself and my baby precludes attending your sales party."
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Miss Tickle on March 26, 2013, 09:50:16 AM
She LIED to you.  Flat out lied.  I wouldn't even bother responding to her anymore.  Ignore her.

This.

You've declined.  If she refuses to acknowledge that, well, that's her problem.  If she attempts to "reconfirm" your attendance, I would straight up ask if it's a Cary-May party (or whatever) and then reiterate your position. And at that point it would be appropriate to let her know you don't appreciate her deception regarding the "party" and since she chose to pressure you about it, you'd prefer to be left off any invite lists for future parties.  If she argues with you again, I'd point out that having an unhappy guest at a sales party is no better than having an angry customer in your shop. They can turn sales (and recruitment) off like a faucet, particularly if they have any experience with MLM's.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: TootsNYC on March 26, 2013, 09:58:45 AM
I absolutely wouldn't say "hope the party goes well." Not with what I know.

I'd say, "I'm on bedrest and am not willing to risk my baby's life to attend your Cosmetics Line party."

Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Sharnita on March 26, 2013, 10:12:39 AM
Honestly, I would not focus so much on the sales part. Even before you knew that you were unwilling to take the risks and she was pressuring you. That crosses boundaries no matter what kind of event she is hosting. You don't want to give the impression that if it had been a different kind of party the outcome would be different.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: doodlemor on March 26, 2013, 10:16:21 AM
Not overreacting. What a self-centered witch!

I like this.  Short, accurate, and to the point.

Nemesis, I'm glad that you are home and you and your baby will remain in my prayers.

I think that your proposed answer is way, way too nice.  This woman is also not really your friend.  Considering her callous treatment of you and your condition, I think that there is something seriously wrong with her. 

Don't just tell her that your health precludes your attendance at the party.  She will then make plans to drop off the dang catalog so that you won't be left out of the **fun** -  aka  $sales$. 

I rather like Judah's suggestion of "letting her have it. 

I wouldn't send her a text or email. I would wait until she contacted me again about the party, then I'd let her have it. Not rudely, but angrily. Does she not realize how precarious your situation is to have been put on bed rest! And she wants you to risk your health and that of your child to attend a sales party! And she lied to you about it! I'm furious on your behalf.

I'm furious on your behalf, also.  If you aren't up to the anger and vehemence that Judah suggests, perhaps you could just tell her quietly that you are totally shocked that she would insist that you come to a sales party when you are on bed rest to protect your baby.  You could tell her that you want to take a break from your friendship with her for awhile, because her behavior is so upsetting to you.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: CakeBeret on March 26, 2013, 10:23:28 AM
I agree fully with doodlemor. IMO this is not the time for a gentle "hope your party goes well" response. Your friend is suggesting you jeopardize your child's health for her financial gain, and she needs to be called on that.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Eeep! on March 26, 2013, 10:33:23 AM
Idefinitely wouldn't be sending a pleasant "hope your party goes well" text.  I am so mad for you. How hurtful!
I actually think that I would probably text her something like 'I just found out that your "party" is actually for [product].  I really can't believe that you would pressure me into risking the health of me and my baby for a sales party.  Thanks for letting me know what you really think of me. " But that probably wouldn't be that great of a response. But I really don't think it is wrong to let her know that you know it's a sales party. What a terrible terrible friend! Truly, - I can't imagine doing such a thing to any of my friends.

(I was on modified bedrest with my YDS and that was bad enough - hope everything goes well with the rest of your pregnancy!)
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Surianne on March 26, 2013, 10:47:46 AM
Upon further reflection attending a party is just not worth the risk of my health or my baby's.

I love this.  Short and simple, and calling her on her tactics (pressuring you) without even having to say that you know it's a sales party.

Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: BeagleMommy on March 26, 2013, 10:58:15 AM
Nemesis:

You are not overreacting.  This woman needs a good whack with a clue-by-four!  She's read your Facebook updates and STILL tries to pressure you into going against doctor's orders by going to her "party".  >:(

Don't respond.  If she calls you or emails you I think the best phrase would be "I'm sorry that won't be possible.".

((((Hugs))))
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Luci on March 26, 2013, 11:02:06 AM
Honestly, I would not focus so much on the sales part. Even before you knew that you were unwilling to take the risks and she was pressuring you. That crosses boundaries no matter what kind of event she is hosting. You don't want to give the impression that if it had been a different kind of party the outcome would be different.

This person is NOT a friend. She lied to you, wouldn't respect your health and the health of the baby, wants you to defy doctor's orders, and for no good reason.

A friend asks you if she can run any errands for you and brings a meal every couple of weeks and helps in other ways if she can.

I don't think I've ever been as furious about anything on eHell as I am about this right now.

Now take care of that baby and please remember 'no' is your best tool right now. This doesn't even deserve a 'No, thank you' after her continuing to not accept it the first time.

Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: TootsNYC on March 26, 2013, 11:14:37 AM
A friend doesn't have to offer to help you every time.
And even if you're on bedrest, it's not bad for a friend to invite you to a gathering, not even a sales party.

But to pressure you, especially to lie to you to hide the self-benefitting aspect of the event?

That's a user, not a friend.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Fragglerocker on March 26, 2013, 11:37:28 AM
I wouldn't be rude, but I wouldn't be overly sweet, either.  She lied to you and when you pressed for info, she still wouldn't give you the truth.  What kind of friend is that?  Heck, even if I weren't on bedrest or pregnant, I'd be very angry, too.

I'd just send a short email saying,

"(Friend's name),

I'm not interested in attending a sales party.  Please do not contact me about it again."

(Signed, Nemesis)


Sidenote:  I can't say I can entirely relate, but I did get a bait & switch like this once for the same type of thing (but I wasn't PG or on bedrest).   Years back, after I got divorced and my life consisted of work & going home and spending weekends & evenings alone, a friend of mine from church (who knew all this) called on a Thursday and asked if I had plans the next night (Friday), and noted that she didn't have her kids the next night (she also was divorced).  Thinking I was getting invited for a girls' night out, I said I was free.  That's when she sprung it on me that she'd forgotten she'd agreed to host a Cosmetics Party for a friend of a friend's daughter who was newly selling said cosmetics and needed people to come!  Of course, now I was roped in because she knew I was free and so a polite "I'm busy, sorry" wouldn't fly.  (Nowadays I'd have just said, You know what?  I'm not up for a cosmetics party, thanks anyway, and gone with that, but at the time, it didn't seem like a polite option.)  The party was ho-hum (about four people plus the presenter) and the girl didn't know what she was doing--she didn't know her products or even how to apply makeup properly.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: JenJay on March 26, 2013, 11:43:12 AM
I think that, while the fact that it's a sales party adds an extra sting, the bottom line is this friend pressuring you to disregard your doctor's orders to do something for her. Even if it was a dinner party or a girls' luncheon she'd still be horribly selfish to pressure you.

I wouldn't contact her at all. I'd pretend she had temporarily lost her mind and hope she didn't bring it up again. If she does I'd write her back "As I've explained to you, I am on strict bed-rest for the health and safety of myself and my unborn baby. Frankly I'm hurt that you keep asking me to disregard my child's wellbeing to come to your party." I'd leave her with that and hope she felt ashamed and apologized. If she further persisted it would be a friendship-killer.

I sympathize. When I was 36 weeks pregnant with my middle child my perinatologist advised me not to travel too far from my hospital. Not only was it a high-risk pregnancy but the baby was already measuring 41 weeks and growing. My friend wanted me to travel 90 minutes each way, alone, to attend her DD's 6th birthday party. When I told her I couldn't she got offended, which got me offended. I can't say that was the end of our 15 year friendship but it was definitely a nail in the coffin.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: cicero on March 26, 2013, 12:09:32 PM
nemesis - i want to add my vote - you are totally NOT overreacting. your "friend" is clueless at best (too indoctrinated in the "company line") or rude, selfish and liar at worst.

I side with those who say to not reply, at all.

if and when she does contact you again, say "I am not interested" and hang up. that is all i would do.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: *inviteseller on March 26, 2013, 12:41:50 PM
Wow!  I know they are told to get as many people at these parties to maximize the earning potential, but to pressure a friend who is on bed rest with a high risk pregnancy???  Is a $20 tube of lipstick worth a friends baby???  This woman scammed you because she didn't tell you what the party was for, and is disregarding you and your baby's health, so I wouldn't look to turn her down gently if she asks again.  If she calls again to try to talk you into going to her party, I would tell her firmly that you are disappointed that she lied to you about the sales party then pressured you to come, knowing you are on doctor ordered bed rest and if money is more important that compassion towards a friend, she need not call you anymore. 
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: MariaE on March 26, 2013, 12:52:18 PM
Upon further reflection attending a party is just not worth the risk of my health or my baby's.

I'd go with this. Originally I wanted you to call her out on it being a sales party, but since that information was second hand it might be wrong - unlikely, but the possibility is there.

Besides, her tactics are wrong no matter what - it being a bait and switch just makes it even worse.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Amara on March 26, 2013, 02:16:51 PM
You know, this appalling situation makes me wonder what it is about these home sales companies do to their new consultants to turn them so quickly from normal people to leeches. In this case, the two are "old friends."

Maybe this is worthy of another thread, maybe not. But these discussions always make me wonder.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Mikayla on March 26, 2013, 02:41:52 PM
Text:  Hi Friend. Please google 3 items: "high risk pregnancy", "bedrest", and "why MLM causes friendships to blow up". 

Ok, j/k.  But if you feel your proposed text is too polite (and I agree) you could either ignore the whole thing, or call her.  Nobody can misuse a phone call.  But if you think contacting her again has the potential to cause stress, just ignore until you're more ready to deal with it. 

I don't think it's rude to ignore an invite in a bait and switch.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: GrammarNerd on March 26, 2013, 03:00:02 PM
I had the original home sales party question, but I have say that yours is so much worse than mine!  Wow....the nerve of her!

I agree with all of the others that you really don't owe her a kind reply. 

But I do want to caution you that if you don't reply to her (which is totally your right), I wouldn't be surprised if when you don't show up at her 'party', she'll call you with the expectation of you placing an order.  Because that's what MLMs do; you'll get the 'oh, but you can still order!' cheery routine.

For a response, I think that in your situation, something like this just might sneak out of my mouth if she dared to call back: "Knowing my medical situation and how precarious this is, and the fact that I am on ordered bed rest, I wasn't sure why you were pressuring me so much to just attend a party.  But then I called (someone) and found out that there was more to the story....that you were trying to get me to endanger my health and my baby's LIFE to attend a MAKEUP SALES PARTY!  Friend, I am allowed to get up X times a day, and only to go to the bathroom.  Anything more than that has to be carefully planned, even showers.  And to think that you wanted to disregard the very real threat to my baby's health just so I could buy MAKE UP from you that I won't even be wearing, because, you know, I'm on bed rest and don't even go out?  You know, I don't even know where to go with those thoughts, and I've been having a really hard time reconciling the term 'friend' with your insistence to disregard my doctor's orders regarding my baby's LIFE, and lies that it was 'just a party' when you knew that you were going to try to sell me something.  I have to go now, because I'm getting agitated just thinking about this situation again, and that's not good for my baby's health either."   

Yes, that's a rant, but I think she needs to hear it at some point.  For a friend, her actions were appalling.  I wonder if she was always this self-centered.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Lynn2000 on March 26, 2013, 03:03:03 PM
How awful! Sorry to hear you're going through this. :(

I don't think she was rude to invite you, even to follow up the FB invitation with a call; it might have been more of a "how are you doing?" call with the "excuse" of the party invitation, so you wouldn't feel left out of things. But whatever your reason for saying no, her pressuring you is very rude. Also, if it's true that this particular party is a sales party, then she was even more rude, because she outright lied to you about the party's purpose.

I wouldn't contact her further about it. Yes, technically you said you'd get back to her, but more as a way to escape from the conversation, after she refused to accept your "no" several times. So I wouldn't hold myself to that. If she calls about it again, I think it would be fine to say very firmly, "I am on bedrest. Attending your party could endanger my health and my baby's. Why are you still pressuring me about this, when I've already told you no?" Just in a firm, slow tone--not patronizing, but not defensive either. Maybe that will cut through the commercial haze--maybe she is just really enthusiastic about this new thing she's doing, but she's definitely going about it the wrong way.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Raintree on March 26, 2013, 03:13:24 PM
I agree with all the other possible responses, depending on what you are comfortable with, but my version might be:

"I've heard this is a (product) party. Is this true? I'm afraid I can't attend any kind of gathering at the moment; as I stated, I am on strict bed rest. But just so you know, I don't do sales parties, ever, so I would have declined anyway. Please, in future, be honest about the kind of party you are hosting."

Mind you, you'll probably get, "Oh this isn't a sales party. We're just doing a make-up demo and offering the option to purchase if you wish."

(P.S. My mother and I got roped into attending one of these things long ago, when  was a teenager. At the end, the rep asked everyone if they would like to host a party for their friends. One woman replied, in a very gracious tone of voice, "No thank you. I like to KEEP my friends."
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: hobish on March 26, 2013, 03:43:28 PM
How awful! Sorry to hear you're going through this. :(

I don't think she was rude to invite you, even to follow up the FB invitation with a call; it might have been more of a "how are you doing?" call with the "excuse" of the party invitation, so you wouldn't feel left out of things. But whatever your reason for saying no, her pressuring you is very rude. Also, if it's true that this particular party is a sales party, then she was even more rude, because she outright lied to you about the party's purpose.

I wouldn't contact her further about it. Yes, technically you said you'd get back to her, but more as a way to escape from the conversation, after she refused to accept your "no" several times. So I wouldn't hold myself to that. If she calls about it again, I think it would be fine to say very firmly, "I am on bedrest. Attending your party could endanger my health and my baby's. Why are you still pressuring me about this, when I've already told you no?" Just in a firm, slow tone--not patronizing, but not defensive either. Maybe that will cut through the commercial haze--maybe she is just really enthusiastic about this new thing she's doing, but she's definitely going about it the wrong way.

As much as i think i would kind of enjoy flying off the handle about this, I think Lynn2000's got the best idea here in not responding at all. Not only is it the high road (IMO) I think there probably wouldn't be a whole lot to be gained by arguing with her. If it does come up again, though, i also second the phrasing of a question. "Why are you still pressuring me about this, when I've already told you no?" "What makes you think i want to risk my health, and my unborn kid's health for some lipstick?" "Why is your sales party more important than my doctor's orders?" Grrrrr.  >:(

You know, this appalling situation makes me wonder what it is about these home sales companies do to their new consultants to turn them so quickly from normal people to leeches. In this case, the two are "old friends."

Maybe this is worthy of another thread, maybe not. But these discussions always make me wonder.

I wish i knew. I have people in two different groups of friends who honestly enjoy these parties. One group takes turns hosting them for everything you can think of , and they like it; it's just what they do. They might push a little to say, "Hey, it won't be like a sales party-sales party, i promise," and having gone to a few i know they are sincere. That's the extent of it, though. I wish i knew what possesses people to get so rude about it.

Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: lisastitch on March 26, 2013, 05:18:47 PM
I am playing devil's advocate here but---

Since she's an "old friend", is there any chance that she is planning a surprise shower for you?

I still find it rude to push you on it when you're on bed rest.  A dear friend was on bed rest with her second child after delivering her first child 2 months prematurely, and I know how worried we were about her (both girls are grown and fine) so I would hope that your friends would be supportive and helpful. 

I would hate to have you fly off the handle and ruin a friendship when she might be trying to do something nice.  I'm not sure how much of a chance there is, but I wanted to toss the possibility out there.

Good luck to you and your baby.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Nemesis on March 26, 2013, 09:19:04 PM
Op here.

Thank you for all your responses . I am overwhelmed by the amount of support that I  have received here!

I slept on it and spent the morning thinking about it. Because I told her that I would think about it, I am sure she will contact me again. In such a case, I would prefer to contact her on MY terms.

Btw I don't think she is planning a shower :) but it is a nice thought though.

Showers are not a norm where I come from. there are a few people who do it, but they are definitely the minority! Besides, my first child is only 2.5 years old. Plus everyone I am close to is very cautious at the moment not to even talk about preparing the house for a new baby, just in case the very worst happens.

Further details
There is a small background that I neglected to mention. A couple of years ago, she called me out for drinks. My Angel was just 6 months old then, and I was still struggling as a new mom so I declined. She spent the next 10 mins telling me about this wonderful new skin product that she discovered and started using, and how it made her look years younger. I could tell where the conversation was heading, and used my baby as an excuse to get off the phone. That weekend, MY MOM told me that this friend cornered her after church to talk to her about this new skin product!

Given this history, I am not surprised that this party is a sales party after all. It is hard to explain non-verbal cues, but I did get suspicious enough during our conversation to ask what the party is about. There was just something in the way she spoke, or perhaps in the way she was refusing to take no for an answer. There was something just "off", if you get what I mean. Our mutual friend's explanation made so much sense that I don't question it at all.

The thing is, this was my best friend at one point in my life. We spent 4 days a week together and I had slept over at her house almost every week. I even had space in her closet for my clothes! We did everything together and were like sisters.

Suggestions on the wording
Anyway, I think I will only contact her later today, after my trip to the hospital. I do need to see my doctor today who will let me know if further hospitalisation is needed, or if I get to stay home on bed rest.

If I get sent to prison the ward, then I will simply tell her:

"Sandra, I am in the hospital and am in no condition to attend any party. Btw, I heard that this is a Cosmetic Brand party. Is it true?"

If I am well enough to stay home (fingers crossed), I will tell her a mixture of all your responses:

"Sandra, as I had responded through Facebook and on the phone, I cannot come to your party without risking the health and safety of me and my baby. Please stop asking me. Btw, is this a Cosmetic Brand party?
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42
Post by: mmswm on March 26, 2013, 09:33:02 PM
Huge hugs, Nemesis.  I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this on top of everything else.  One thing I noticed when I was dealing with my own high risk pregnancies is that some people just don't understand how risky some pregnancies can be.  Some of the attitudes I've encountered....

-Women have been having babies for thousands of years, after all, how sick can you really be? 

-Pregnant women complain about discomfort all the time.  You're just being a drama queen.

-So maybe you're having a little trouble.  The doctors are just being overly cautious.  You can defy orders and come to work/my party/church and nothing bad will happen.

It's possible that your friend is suffering from one of the above delusions. I would go with a strongly worded, but very calm statement that conveys how hurt you are by her disregard for your health.  Maybe something like "Sandra, I have thought about this and am very hurt that you have chosen to minimize the threat to my health and my baby's life by pressuring me to come to a party of any sort. I have also heard that this is going to be a sales party, which compounds the hurt by leading me to believe that you consider padding your bank account more important than the possible death of my baby.  It is going to take me a long time to get through the pain you have caused, and I would appreciate it if you would at least respect me enough to take a step back while I concentrate on bringing a healthy baby into this world."

That might be too wordy.  Maybe some of the other ehellions can help condense it?
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Frog24 on March 26, 2013, 10:25:23 PM
Here, I adjusted the wording for you:

"Sandra, I am in the hospital and am in no condition to attend any party. Btw, I heard that this is a Cosmetic Brand party. Is it true?"

If I am well enough to stay home (fingers crossed), I will tell her a mixture of all your responses:

"Sandra, as I had responded through Facebook and on the phone, I cannot come to your party without risking the health and safety of me and my baby. Please stop asking me. Btw, is this a Cosmetic Brand party?

If you show any inkling of inquiring about the type of party, she'll take it as interest in the product and start pushing you on it.  You already have a good idea about what type of party it is, so I wouldn't even ask.  (Even if you'll follow up with all the good rebuttals when she says that it is a sales party.) 
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: RingTailedLemur on March 27, 2013, 05:18:56 AM
Here, I adjusted the wording for you:

"Sandra, I am in the hospital and am in no condition to attend any party. Btw, I heard that this is a Cosmetic Brand party. Is it true?"

If I am well enough to stay home (fingers crossed), I will tell her a mixture of all your responses:

"Sandra, as I had responded through Facebook and on the phone, I cannot come to your party without risking the health and safety of me and my baby. Please stop asking me. Btw, is this a Cosmetic Brand party?

If you show any inkling of inquiring about the type of party, she'll take it as interest in the product and start pushing you on it.  You already have a good idea about what type of party it is, so I wouldn't even ask.  (Even if you'll follow up with all the good rebuttals when she says that it is a sales party.)

I agree.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42
Post by: YummyMummy66 on March 27, 2013, 05:46:42 AM
I would not tell her that due to your health and the baby's health, you cannot attend.

She will want to come visit and bring you a booklet.

You need to tell her that, "Thank you Sandy, but I am simply not interested in the product you are trying to sell.  Please do not bring up this subject again".
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42
Post by: chibichan on March 27, 2013, 06:22:04 AM
I would be even more vague ...

"For the sake my and my baby's health , I will no longer be socializing for any reason . Please do not include or notify me of any events ."

This will cut her off at the pass , should she decide to bring this junk to you .

As for telling her how you feel - that's your call to make , but considering how close you were in the past , it almost sounds like she's not even the person you once knew ( the word "brainwashed " come to mind ). It's sad , for sure . I think you should just cut her loose and remember the friend she was before she was possessed by XYZ Company .

Someday she may snap out of it and even offer up an apology but right now she has " sales blinders " on and is most likely clueless about how crass and unfeeling she is coming across as . I"ll bet that in her mind , she is doing you a big favor by letting you in on The Greatest Thing Ever ! .

Hugs to you and your sweet baby . You are in my thoughts and prayers for a happy , healthy and safe delivery . This is stress you do not need and really , in the big picture - is this person that important to you right now ? I believe the answer is NO.

Let her go until you have the time and desire to decide whether or not you want her in your life .
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42
Post by: Nemesis on March 27, 2013, 06:59:29 AM
Op here.

It is unbelievable. I just had some really depressing news during my visit with my doctor. Baby is still doing fine for now, but things are...shall we say, not looking so good. I came home to cry, eat junk food and surf the net for relief. Then I received a Skype message from her! Just 15 mins ago!

She asked me if I was alright. I thought it was a good start to a friendly conversation so I told her the truth, which was that I really wasn't doing so well right now. She said ok, and asked if there is anything she could do. I asked if she could pray for me and the baby, which she agreed to.

So far so good. Then it went downhill from then on. Btw, mmswm is right. I don't think my friend understands how serious my condition really is. Here is how the Skyping went:

S: So do u still think u will be up for the party?
Me: Are u serious? Do u even think I want to attend any party, or that I am in any condition to do so? Do you understand that I may lose my baby?
S: Oh, sorry.

Then silence. I had nothing more to say, and she had nothing more to add, I guess.

I didn't even care if I was hurtful to her. I was crying as I typed that last sentence, which was why I stopped after that. I didn't even bring up the fact that I knew it was a SALES party, which I kind of regret now.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: LeveeWoman on March 27, 2013, 07:02:28 AM
((((((((Nemesis))))))))))
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: Nemesis on March 27, 2013, 07:03:09 AM
Op here.

I forgot to add that I posted on Facebook immediately after the visit. Many friends and family have contacted me since, and I had initially thought she was doing the same. Stupid me.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: LeveeWoman on March 27, 2013, 07:07:15 AM
S: So do u still think u will be up for the party?


This sounds as if she never paid attention to your refusal in the first
place.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: Gyburc on March 27, 2013, 07:07:54 AM
Oh, Nemesis. (((Hugs))) to you, and I will be keeping you and your baby in my prayers (and all your family too).

I think you did the right thing, and I don't think there would be any point mentioning the sales aspect. Whatever the reason for the party, she is still being dreadfully self-centred. Personally, I would cut her off after this.

I really, really hope that everything goes well for you, and will be thinking of you.

Take care,

G
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: Kari on March 27, 2013, 07:28:34 AM
Big hugs to you, Nemesis. Prayers and good thoughts to you during this stressful time.

It sounds like your friend let dreams of big sales drown out everything around her. Like LeveeWoman pointed out, it sounds like she never took no for an answer. If she's a good person at heart, what you said on Skype will be a wakeup call and she won't bother you about it anymore. If she truly drank the Kool-Aid, you'll find your inbox clogged with "party" invites in the future and you'll only hear from her when she wants you to buy from her.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 27, 2013, 07:29:57 AM
I agree with all the other possible responses, depending on what you are comfortable with, but my version might be:

"I've heard this is a (product) party. Is this true? I'm afraid I can't attend any kind of gathering at the moment; as I stated, I am on strict bed rest. But just so you know, I don't do sales parties, ever, so I would have declined anyway. Please, in future, be honest about the kind of party you are hosting."

Mind you, you'll probably get, "Oh this isn't a sales party. We're just doing a make-up demo and offering the option to purchase if you wish."

(P.S. My mother and I got roped into attending one of these things long ago, when  was a teenager. At the end, the rep asked everyone if they would like to host a party for their friends. One woman replied, in a very gracious tone of voice, "No thank you. I like to KEEP my friends."

Never fails, every single time I read that, in my head I hear Dame Maggie Smith's voice. 

OP, I'm so sorry to hear your friend is treating you this way, but it seems, with your latest update, that she's finally at least gotten the message that you really do NOT want anything to do with the party and are upset with her.   And don't feel guilty, because if she hadn't pushed, you wouldn't have had to be brutally honest with her, which I don't think is harsh, just the blunt truth she really needed to hear.

I'd cut her off too. 
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: Cami on March 27, 2013, 07:34:00 AM
I am very sorry you are going through a rough time right now. Hugs.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42
Post by: cicero on March 27, 2013, 07:36:07 AM
huge hugs nemesis

Please Please Please - don't worry if you hurt her feelings or not, if you were rude or not (you weren't but just in case you were wondering).

PLEASE focus on you and your baby right now. that is *all* that matters right now. I would defriend her from FB for now (or at least have her so you can't see her and she can't contact you) and let your *real* friends support you.

I hope everything will be ok with your baby. please take care of yourself.

Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: buvezdevin on March 27, 2013, 07:38:01 AM
Hugs and sending good thoughts for you, Nemesis.

I hope you will be able to put aside any further thoughts about this friend, who has not behaved as a true friend as she continued pressing you to comply with her desires while maintaining what seems a willful disregard for your best interests and concerns.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42
Post by: Hillia on March 27, 2013, 07:53:54 AM
huge hugs nemesis

Please Please Please - don't worry if you hurt her feelings or not, if you were rude or not (you weren't but just in case you were wondering).

PLEASE focus on you and your baby right now. that is *all* that matters right now. I would defriend her from FB for now (or at least have her so you can't see her and she can't contact you) and let your *real* friends support you.

I hope everything will be ok with your baby. please take care of yourself.

POD to this.  You and your baby are the only things to think about right now.  Focus entirely on taking care of yourself.  I'll be praying for  you both.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: GrammarNerd on March 27, 2013, 08:17:35 AM
It would be hurtful anyway, but the fact that *you know* that she keeps badgering you about a sales party just amps up the hurtfulness. 

Personally, I love your response.  It was perfect, even though I'm sure it was very difficult for you to type out.

Just remember that all of the virtual positive vibes that you're getting from everyone on here can squash her negative self centeredness into the dust.  We're all pulling for you. :)

OP, what about your friend that alerted you to the fact that this was a sales party?  If you need someone to talk to directly, can you talk to her about what has transpired with this?  She knows all of the parties involved so that might help.

Many hugs to you.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: Eden on March 27, 2013, 09:00:14 AM
Nemesis, my best thoughts and wishes for you.

I have so many non-etiquette-approved things to say to this "friend" of yours! I say dismiss her from your mind. Do not give her any more of your precious energy or time. I think your response to her was wonderful and I hope it drove your message home and she will no longer bother you about this party.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: schnauzermom on March 27, 2013, 09:31:04 AM
My thought and prayers are with you and your family.

 Karen
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: StuffedGrapeLeaves on March 27, 2013, 09:32:03 AM
Nemesis, lots of good thoughts your way.

I agree with the advice of just letting this friend go.  She is not worth your time or energy anymore. 
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: WillyNilly on March 27, 2013, 09:39:09 AM
Please, not for a single second, do not think you were harsh or rude or anything to her in your response. You were quite reserved IMO. And good for you for it. You don't need this kind of stress. Please, relax, deep calming breathes, some funny movies (personally for me Tommy Boy does it every time, as does Rat Race). Surround yourself with calm and happy.


Oh and by the way can I just tell you, its a bit awkward trying to pray for "good luck and best health to Nemesis" - really trying to test all of our patience with that screen name huh?  ;)
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: guihong on March 27, 2013, 09:40:50 AM
Please accept my best wishes for you and your baby (and Mr. Nemesis, who is probably a nervous wreck :().

And don't for one nanosecond think you were too harsh.  If anything, you were reserved beyond what many of us would do.  She needed to hear it.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: bloo on March 27, 2013, 09:42:34 AM
I have nothing more useful to add by way of advice as the PP's have it all covered that I can see.

I'd like to say I'm sorry you're having to go through such a trying time and your friend has blithely chosen to add more stress to your life.

I sincerely hope that things turn out well for your family. :)
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: gramma dishes on March 27, 2013, 10:35:32 AM
You handled it with far more grace and diplomacy than I'd have been able to muster. 

I'd rethink this friendship.  No matter how close to her you may have been at one time, sometimes friendships change and the expiration date becomes very apparent.  In this case the expiration date may be 'right now'.  She clearly doesn't get how precarious your situation is and the only way that could happen is that she doesn't want to.  She thinks her sales party is more important than you and your baby.  No friendship there to lose!!

So sorry you're having to go through this.  I know it has to be very scary.  Please take care of yourself.  (((((hugs)))))
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: hobish on March 27, 2013, 11:21:25 AM

That is so sad. I don't even know what to say. Hugst to you and yours, Nemesis.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: Otterpop on March 27, 2013, 11:24:47 AM
(((Hugs))) Nemesis.  That "friend" is NO friend.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: zyrs on March 27, 2013, 11:32:57 AM
(((Nemesis and family))) 

It was good you said what you did to her. 
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: KenveeB on March 27, 2013, 12:07:00 PM
At that point I would've burst into hysterical tears and screamed at her for 10 minutes, so I think you handled her beautifully. Best wishes to you and your baby!!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: Deetee on March 27, 2013, 12:25:01 PM
She really really is not a friend. She just isn't.

Best wishes to your while family.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: mime on March 27, 2013, 01:47:22 PM
I've been a reader for a little while, but posting for the first time.

Words of wisdom from my mom that served me well when my first son was a newborn:
Your baby is not capable of defending himself right now and completely dependent on you to do what's best for him. That is the MOST IMPORTANT THING for you to do. You can be both polite and uncompromising in this, but ultimately if someone is unhappy about you taking care of your baby above their wishes, that's *their* shortcoming.

I see you've set your priorities and made your decision, and I can't improve upon all the advice already in this thread. I just wanted to provide encouragement for you when you have difficult communications with your friend.

My best wishes to you and baby.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: BeagleMommy on March 27, 2013, 02:08:36 PM
Nemesis, I just want to let you know that you and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers.  Please don't let this cretin take up space in your head.  She has proven herself to be no friend.

(((((Hugs)))))
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: Nemesis on March 27, 2013, 06:55:29 PM
Thank you for you thoughts and prayers. Thank you very much. Every bit helps and I am truly grateful for you.

I had a good cry and feel much better now. Moving forward, I'm not going to think about my friend at all. There is just no emotional space for her. I just don't want to deal with her any more so if the friendship dies after this, then so be it.

Thank you again for such overwhelming support. ((((Hugs)))) to everyone and with chocolate fudge cake too!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: Outdoor Girl on March 27, 2013, 06:56:52 PM
Good for you!  She doesn't deserve any space in your head.  Passing along (((hugs))) and maple syrup muffins as soon as they are out of the oven.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: *inviteseller on March 27, 2013, 08:30:37 PM
((((HUGS))))))))))   You are a much better woman than me, because I do believe I would have absolutely blown up....she would have not only been groveling but also renouncing home sales parties by the time I would have finished.  She only sees $$$, but soon she may wake up and look around at her money and cosmetics and realize she has no more friends
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: diesel_darlin on March 27, 2013, 08:39:35 PM
((((HUGS))))))))))   You are a much better woman than me, because I do believe I would have absolutely blown up....she would have not only been groveling but also renouncing home sales parties by the time I would have finished.  She only sees $$$, but soon she may wake up and look around at her money and cosmetics and realize she has no more friends


This. Oh so much. I would have made her cry. I realize that would have been a breach of etiquette, but this woman is apparently too thick to understand the severity of Nemesis's situation.

Nemesis, big squishy hugs, and applause for handling it as well as you did.  :)
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: Waterlight on March 27, 2013, 09:20:56 PM
Nemesis, I'm keeping you and your baby in my thoughts.  You've handled the situation with now-ex-friend much better than I would have.

*looks around*  Oooo, chocolate fudge cake!  May I have a slice please?   :D

*offers a bouquet and a couple of bottles of nonalcoholic pear cider*
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: johelenc1 on March 27, 2013, 09:37:02 PM
I'm so sorry your baby is in danger.  At 24 weeks we discovered our twins had TTTS.  We too were faced with losing one or both of our babies.  It's a horrible place to be.  I ended up delivering at 26.1 weeks, and we have been incredibly fortunate and blessed that 5.5 years later they are both here and healthy.  I hope for you an outcome that is equally as favorable.  Prayers for your whole family.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: gmatoy on March 27, 2013, 09:41:14 PM
Adding my prayers and agreeing that you handled better than I would have.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: mmswm on March 27, 2013, 10:29:14 PM
Thank you for you thoughts and prayers. Thank you very much. Every bit helps and I am truly grateful for you.

I had a good cry and feel much better now. Moving forward, I'm not going to think about my friend at all. There is just no emotional space for her. I just don't want to deal with her any more so if the friendship dies after this, then so be it.

Thank you again for such overwhelming support. ((((Hugs)))) to everyone and with chocolate fudge cake too!

You are a strong and amazing woman.  Big (gentle) hugs for you and a big bear hug to Little Nemesis and Mr. Nemesis because they probably need them too.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: joraemi on March 27, 2013, 10:39:21 PM
(((Hugs)))

I'm so sorry that your baby is in danger. I hope things improve for you both.

I'm glad to hear that you aren't wasting another moment thinking about his person. You need positive thoughts and energy around you.

Take care of you and yours.

:::virtual foot rub:::
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: Luci on March 27, 2013, 10:40:18 PM
Still praying for your health and stength - for all 3 of you!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: fluffy on March 28, 2013, 08:19:32 AM
Thinking good thoughts for you. :)

I feel like long-term friendships can become really toxic, but are the hardest to let go. I mean, you start being friends with someone when you're 15 years old (making that number up, this is all the general you), and it doesn't matter that neither of you is fully aware of all the societal niceties and that maybe one or both of you can be a little selfish sometimes.  I mean, you're both 15! Teenagers are notoriously clueless and can be really selfish at times. The only thing that matters is that you're super close, and you're building up a shared history.

Fast forward a decade or two, and you've gradually diverged. One of you grows up, learns how to be a fully functional adult, starts thinking about how their actions will affect other people. The other one still acts the way they did when they were 15. But you've been friends forever, and you have all these in-jokes, and stories. At what point do you say, "wow, my friend hasn't had much personal growth since we were 15."

If you'd met a friend like that as an adult, you very likely wouldn't have a close friendship with them. But, because when you met when you were both clueless teens, that friendship is already firmly in place. It's like the frog sitting in a pot of water on the stove. You don't realize it's happening, because it's so gradual. Except one day you're submerged in boiling water.

I don't necessarily know that this friend is truly toxic (although she certainly is acting toxic in this situation). But I can certainly understand how it might be hard to give up on a close friendship that has lasted since you were both a lot younger.

Hugs, nemesis. I think that you're handling this with great aplomb. Who knows? Maybe this is the wakeup call that your friend needs. If it isn't, you might think about phasing her out of her life. Life's too short to stay friends with selfish people.

My best friend and I have been friends for almost 20 years. We're still friends because neither of us would pull this type of #$! We have other friends from HS that we've let slowly fade from our lives. Because we grew up, and they didn't.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: SeptGurl on March 28, 2013, 08:47:35 AM
(((Hugs))) Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 28, 2013, 09:01:38 AM
Fluffy, you put that very well and I've had friends like that too.  It's not always a case of it being toxic, so much as just growing apart. I had a friend I knew since I was two and we really had very little in common other than our history.   We had even less in common as we moved into our twenties and have grown apart, now.   

Another friend DH and I knew in college and had some fun times with back then but like you put it, we have grown up and he hasn't and in that case it grew quite toxic and we gave him the cut direct.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: Curly Wurly Doggie Breath on March 28, 2013, 10:44:35 AM
(((((((((((((((soft Hugs nemisis Soft Hugs)))))))))))))))

(((((((((((Holds You )))))))))))))

Prayers <3
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: gorplady on March 28, 2013, 11:31:04 AM
What a troll!

I'm sorry that this has happened to you - it's never easy when people are attached to us emotionally and we have to let go because they are a toxic person. It's very easy to get sucked in!

Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on March 29, 2013, 06:15:57 PM
My very best wishes to you and your family, Nemesis. 
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: Nemesis on March 30, 2013, 11:58:36 PM
Op here!

I would like to start agin by thanking everyone for their thoughts and prayers! My next appt. with the obgyn is Wednesday, so here is hoping for some better news!

Anyway, I thought you might like a short update on what is going on with Sandra. Our mutual friend called me up this morning to ask how I was doing, and we started to talk about Sandra and her party. Apparently, I misunderstood Mutual Friend. It is NOT for Cosmetic Brand, but something like Cosmetic Brand, except worse. It is for some company that is pushing an antique French aromatherapy lamp and essential oils. The sales of this product are probably banned in France! The whole point to this company is to recruit since you don't earn anything much from the product sales. Plus the product is slightly ridiculous and difficult to use.

Sandra has been hooked on it since the end of last year. She gave Christmas gifts of these lamps to all her friends and relatives, together with her business card. During a gift opening session, she started to try recruiting people! She even invited a church group to her house for New Year's celebration and prayer session and gave her sales pitch there! She even invited several friends out for dinner, insisted to drive everyone and instead of going to a restaurant she drove them to the Stupid Lamp luxurious head office for a seminar and sales meeting! And people were stuck there since she was driving and paying for dinner, they didn't bring too much money out!

Many people have spoken to her and called her out on her actions, but she insists that she is just trying to give everyone a business opportunity and sees nothing wrong with it! She doesn't understand why everyone is not supportive of her.

When our mutual friend heard about the party that I was invited to, she said that she didn't have to know about the party to know that it is probably for Stupid Lamp. It is a good thing I didn't ask her whether it is a Cosmetic Brand party, because she could have honestly said no and then guilt me into attending her party after all!

The thing is that Sandra is not a bad person. She is actually very nice and personable. She just..well..does not think too deeply on things. That makes her quite an easy target for pushy sales persons and in this case, pyramid scheme recruiters. We just hope that she does not lose too much money in this endeavour...
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48
Post by: chibichan on March 31, 2013, 04:12:16 AM
We just hope that she does not lose too much money in this endeavour...

Better add the words " or friends " to that sentence . How long has she been sucked into this ? I am surprised that people aren't crossing the street to avoid her by now .

You are in a good frame of mind about this . Concentrate on you health and your baby and spare no thoughts for Sandra . You may be able to resume the friendship later on , providing she returns to sanity .

If not , you may have to tell her " Stupid Lamp Company has possessed my friend and turned her into someone I have no desire to be around . I will be happy to see you in the future , providing you do not utter one word that is designed to get me to buy or use some Company's products ."

Wishing you the best of luck at your next appointment !
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: Luci on March 31, 2013, 08:30:09 AM
The last thing any pregnant woman needs, especially one at risk, is strange unecessary and unknown chemicals float around in the air! And along with the stress of being annoyed by a 'friend' and worrying about her...........well, you just don't need it. I hope you can distance yourself for a bit.

Still thinking of you and praying.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: Virg on March 31, 2013, 10:32:10 AM
Nemesis wrote:

"She even invited several friends out for dinner, insisted to drive everyone and instead of going to a restaurant she drove them to the Stupid Lamp luxurious head office for a seminar and sales meeting!  And people were stuck there since she was driving and paying for dinner, they didn't bring too much money out!"

...and...

"The thing is that Sandra is not a bad person."


I'll be the one to say it.  These two statements are incongruous, because the situation described in the first statement is premeditated and deceptive.  Someone who lies in an effort to force friends to sit through a sales pitch, and sets up the situation so that they can't leave when they discover the ruse, is a bad person.

"She just..well..does not think too deeply on things."

She thought out the setup of that "dinner" invitation pretty well.  The fact is that she has no problem with deceit and trickery when it suits her financial plans, she's proven that she'll knowingly push you into doing things that are bad for you to further her own plans (and will avoid giving you the real story to make it more likely that you'll comply) and her attitude smacks of doing it "for your own good" so it'll never get any better.  You said yourself that she's an easy mark for every swindler who comes along.  It's certainly not my place to tell you what to do with her, but personally I'd never bother speaking to her again because I'd constantly have to be on guard against the next get-rich-quick scheme that suckered her in.

Virg
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: doodlemor on March 31, 2013, 10:58:07 AM
Nemesis wrote:

"She even invited several friends out for dinner, insisted to drive everyone and instead of going to a restaurant she drove them to the Stupid Lamp luxurious head office for a seminar and sales meeting!  And people were stuck there since she was driving and paying for dinner, they didn't bring too much money out!"

...and...

"The thing is that Sandra is not a bad person."


I'll be the one to say it.  These two statements are incongruous, because the situation described in the first statement is premeditated and deceptive.  Someone who lies in an effort to force friends to sit through a sales pitch, and sets up the situation so that they can't leave when they discover the ruse, is a bad person.

"She just..well..does not think too deeply on things."

She thought out the setup of that "dinner" invitation pretty well.  The fact is that she has no problem with deceit and trickery when it suits her financial plans, she's proven that she'll knowingly push you into doing things that are bad for you to further her own plans (and will avoid giving you the real story to make it more likely that you'll comply) and her attitude smacks of doing it "for your own good" so it'll never get any better.  You said yourself that she's an easy mark for every swindler who comes along.  It's certainly not my place to tell you what to do with her, but personally I'd never bother speaking to her again because I'd constantly have to be on guard against the next get-rich-quick scheme that suckered her in.

Virg

POD ever bit of this.

Sandra is not a good person.  Her behavior shows a high level of sneakiness. 

As the years go by she is going to be more trouble than she is worth. 

I'm still praying for you and your baby, too.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: LeveeWoman on March 31, 2013, 11:00:45 AM
I agree with Virg: she's not a nice person.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: Sara Crewe on March 31, 2013, 11:35:57 AM
I agree with Virg: she's not a nice person.

This - she may be a charming person; she may be entertaining and good company at times but she is not nice, she is a manipulative liar who will say and do whatever it takes to financially profit from her so called friends.

She has obviously got away with this for a long time which is why she now feels she can go as far as she has.

I hope you and your baby are fine.  You shouldn't give this woman another thought - she isn't worth it.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: snappylt on March 31, 2013, 05:39:04 PM
I agree with Virg: she's not a nice person.

This - she may be a charming person; she may be entertaining and good company at times but she is not nice, she is a manipulative liar who will say and do whatever it takes to financially profit from her so called friends.

She has obviously got away with this for a long time which is why she now feels she can go as far as she has.

I hope you and your baby are fine.  You shouldn't give this woman another thought - she isn't worth it.

I find myself agreeing with the quoted posters.  Somehow, to me, this woman's behavior crosses a line.  As a reasonable outsider who does not know either one of you, based on what you've posted in this thread, she does not sound at all like a nice person to me.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: rose red on March 31, 2013, 05:49:54 PM
Of course she "nice."  That's how such people get what they want and get away with it.  Even now, after all that's happened and her attitude towards you and your baby, you think she's nice.  Please stop falling for the act and back away from her "friendship."
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: VorFemme on March 31, 2013, 06:35:31 PM
VorGuy knew a guy like this back in high school.  It took fourteen years to realize that his "old buddy" from the track team was still acting like the high school jock that he'd been back then without an apparent inkling that he was now over thirty years old.......too old to be acting like a high school jerk jock!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: Tea Drinker on March 31, 2013, 07:00:40 PM
Of course she "nice."  That's how such people get what they want and get away with it.  Even now, after all that's happened and her attitude towards you and your baby, you think she's nice.  Please stop falling for the act and back away from her "friendship."

"Nice is different from good." Stephen Sondheim, Into the Woods
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 31, 2013, 07:28:27 PM
I think it's that dichotomy of nice vs. devious and self-centered that can make it really hard to distance oneself from a toxic person because you think "well, they're not all bad, they used to do this and they can be nice about that sometimes."   But when tallied up the worse parts of their personality outweigh the pleasant.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: Pen^2 on March 31, 2013, 08:03:01 PM
Sandra had been told, many times, of how serious and upsetting OP's condition was. She continued to completely disregard this (e.g. "so are you still up for the party?"). This is not a momentary lapse of memory or a brain fart. She has done this several times, and has been told the facts of OP's conditions several times. This means her behaviour is no longer excusable as someone who is clueless and doesn't no any better--she has been told otherwise, and cannot be said to be hurting the OP due to cluelessness any longer. Maybe she's a "nice person" only some of the time? Because that's a great way to tell if someone isn't actually a nice person at all.

That said, there are two sides to every story, and although I cannot personally fathom what could excuse Sandra's rude, inconsiderate, and downright dangerous behaviour, there might be some reason. Everything she has said and done screams "uncaring and selfish", but whether or not this is the truth cannot be said. In the end, though, it's irrelevant.

Whether or not Sandra is a good friend, her actions are nevertheless taxing for Nemesis, who is not in a position to endure it easily. If the cause cannot be treated, treat the symptom. I honestly think it would be best for Nemesis, who needs as much time, rest, and mental strength as possible at the moment, to completely minimise contact with Sandra, or block her entirely, since Sandra has confirmed that her actions are only going to make a bad situation more stressful and worse for OP. Doing what is necessary, for your own safety or health, is never something you should feel bad about or hesitate over.

Many many hugs to Nemesis, and lots of wishes for strength.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: FauxFoodist on March 31, 2013, 11:45:24 PM
Whether or not she started out as a nice person, I'd have an impossible time continuing to think favorably of anyone (much less continue to call that person a friend) who would put his/her desire to make money as more important than the survival of my unborn child.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: Promise on March 31, 2013, 11:53:23 PM
Your friend has been manipulated into a cult of pink. I'm assuming MK. They have had 50 years to hone scripts that are slick in order to not only coerce people to the selling parties but worse, recruiting them and getting them to spend upwards of thousands of dollars to start their business. She won't take no for an answer because she's been trained that a "no" means "I don't have enough information".  There have been directors in the hospital with cancer who are booking and recruiting because it will make a great "I-Story." These women will use funerals to make connections. It truly is cult-like training and manipulation. Take a look at pinktruth.com or send her there to see what thousands of women who were in these mlms have to say. For you, say "It is not in my best interest to go to this makeup party or to hear a recruiter's message. I am not going. Please respect my decision." If she continues, repeat the same script over and over.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: sammycat on April 01, 2013, 02:54:52 AM
Whether or not she started out as a nice person, I'd have an impossible time continuing to think favorably of anyone (much less continue to call that person a friend) who would put his/her desire to make money as more important than the survival of my unborn child.

Ditto.

She's crossed so far over the line it's no longer even visible.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: Lynn2000 on April 01, 2013, 10:33:52 AM
For me, the whole "kidnapping people to take them to a sales event" is what really stands out from Sandra's past. Someone might say something obliviously hurtful in a non-thinking moment, or just be caught up in their enthusiasm for something and not understand how they're being perceived by others, resulting in her comments to the OP (which are nonetheless painful). But the planning and deception involved in telling people they were going to dinner, then insisting on driving them and changing the destination to a sales party? To me that is deliberate and malicious, and nothing less than a complete about-face, abject apology, and visible change in behavior would make me even consider being friends with that person again.

For this and for the heartlessness she has shown the OP, I advise completely dropping her. For the moment, at least--if you don't feel comfortable saying "forever," perhaps decide you're not going to have anything to do with Sandra until your health crisis has passed and you can afford to think about other things again. I would block her on every avenue and ignore any further communication attempts. She's a source of unneeded stress right now and I don't think it would be rude to mute that for the time being, given her behavior.

On a side note, without meaning to derail the thread: I've known a number of people who've been successful with MLMs like Mary Kay, and have never gotten so caught up in it as to be rude. In my observation, the people who are both successful and polite are those who are business savvy and perhaps already have some business experience before they begin the MLM, like women who run their own hair salon and sell MK at the counter. And then there was my friend who got sucked into MK after a bad break-up, spent thousands of dollars on product at once, and was irritated that the co-workers she invited to parties didn't show enough enthusiasm.  ::) I think it really depends on the individual, whether they're prone to rudeness or not.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: camlan on April 01, 2013, 10:49:28 AM
A polite person, on hearing that someone is experiencing a medical issue, express their concern, their wishes for a happy outcome, and their understanding that of course, social engagements are not possible at this time.

A really nice person also inquires if Tuesday or Thursday would be the best night to drop off a casserole and the rest of the fixings for a meal, or sends flowers, or a "thinking of you" card, or offers to babysit or drive someone to an appointment.

Sandra is not nice. She may be fun to be around, but she is not nice.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: joraemi on April 07, 2013, 09:27:38 AM
Any updates Nemesis?


{{HUGS}} and hoping all is OK.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: Nemesis on April 07, 2013, 11:28:42 AM
Op here.

Update on my condition: everyone's thoughts and prayers worked! Things are looking much better in my last ultrasound scan, which is such a huge difference from the week before that when the prognosis was quite depressing. So thank you very much!!

I have stopped bleeding heavily, but I am still on medication and bed rest until the end of the month. I remain at high risk for preterm labour and am still a long way from 24 weeks, so my doctor is being cautious for now. We are keeping our hopes and prayers that we will get there.

As for Sandra, I have not heard anything from her. That would most likely be because I have unfriended her on Facebook and removed her from my Skype contact list. Sometimes bed rest can be tooo peaceful (and boring), but having Sandra around right now is way too much drama!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: gramma dishes on April 07, 2013, 11:32:05 AM
I'm so happy to read this update!

Wise decisions re Sandra.  I think you'll find your life much more peaceful without her, at least for the next few months.

We won't stop with the positive thoughts that you and the baby will "get there" with flying colors.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90
Post by: Lynn2000 on April 07, 2013, 11:32:45 AM
POD to gramma dishes!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: cicero on April 07, 2013, 11:55:33 AM
SO happy to hear!

continue to take care of you and that little one. I continue to hold you both in my heart and prayers.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: Nora on April 07, 2013, 12:42:44 PM
All I could think when I saw the update was "please let her baby be ok"! So glad to see things are improving! Happyhugs!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: barefoot_girl on April 07, 2013, 02:03:28 PM
I haven't posted much recently, Nemesis, but I just wanted to let you know that I think you handled the whole event very well, and that I am sending trans-Atlantic good thoughts to you and the little one (and indeed the rest of your family). I hope everything continues to improve for you.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: momtwosix on April 07, 2013, 02:04:57 PM
I am still keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: Surianne on April 07, 2013, 05:15:37 PM
So glad to hear things have improved.  Will keep you and your baby in my thoughts. 
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on April 07, 2013, 05:16:51 PM
So glad to hear the prognosis has brightened, will continue to keep you and your little one in my thoughts!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: joraemi on April 07, 2013, 09:37:45 PM
Glad you got good news!

I know bed rest is boring, but try to "enjoy" it while you can.  After your little one arrives there won't be much ressting going on!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: peaches on April 07, 2013, 09:49:06 PM
Thanks for the update. I'm so glad your news has been positive. Hope things continue to go well for you and baby.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: Gyburc on April 08, 2013, 05:24:08 AM
Nemesis, I'm so glad to see your update! I will be thinking of you all and will keep you in my prayers.

G
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: Nemesis on April 08, 2013, 07:45:17 AM
Op again!

I am really touched by everyone's support and kind words here. I truly am. So thank you and thank you and thank you again. I am actually on another forum for group support for people with my condition and I don't think I receive as much support there as here. Most likely it is because everyone there are all too scared and upset.

Reading all yr kind words and thoughts really helps to brighten my day. Also, since mid last week I can actually feel the baby kicking (I am at 18 weeks now) and it has been giving me great comfort.

I was so afraid to bond with the baby or to have any feelings towards it before. The guilt and fear were killing me and making me emotionally unstable. But now with the kicking, I have started bonding with the baby and actually feel "pregnancy contentment".

Emotinally, I am in a very good place right now. I pray that my physical body will follow likewise :)

Thank you again and I am humbled by everyone's kindness.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: Spring Water on Sundays on April 08, 2013, 08:25:26 AM
Op again!

I am really touched by everyone's support and kind words here. I truly am. So thank you and thank you and thank you again. I am actually on another forum for group support for people with my condition and I don't think I receive as much support there as here. Most likely it is because everyone there are all too scared and upset.

Reading all yr kind words and thoughts really helps to brighten my day. Also, since mid last week I can actually feel the baby kicking (I am at 18 weeks now) and it has been giving me great comfort.

I was so afraid to bond with the baby or to have any feelings towards it before. The guilt and fear were killing me and making me emotionally unstable. But now with the kicking, I have started bonding with the baby and actually feel "pregnancy contentment".

Emotinally, I am in a very good place right now. I pray that my physical body will follow likewise :)

Thank you again and I am humbled by everyone's kindness.

This is such a sweet update. Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy :)
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: BeagleMommy on April 08, 2013, 09:37:29 AM
Such good news, Nemesis!  I will continue keeping you and your little one in my thoughts and prayers.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: Twik on April 08, 2013, 10:09:04 AM
So glad to hear that things are better!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: mmswm on April 08, 2013, 10:30:48 AM
I'm so glad to hear that things are slowly getting better.  Please don't feel guilty for avoiding bonding with the baby before.  This is a totally normal reaction for a woman with a very high risk pregnancy.  When you (general) know there's a chance for a bad outcome, you put up walls around your heart to keep yourself from getting hurt. It's okay to be scared. When I was pregnant with my youngest I was pretty much an emotional zombie.  You're doing a great job keeping yourself together and healthy.  No matter what happens, you know you can always come here for support. (((Hugs)))
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: LeveeWoman on April 08, 2013, 10:55:20 AM
Great news about the baby, Nemesis!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: EMuir on April 08, 2013, 01:44:37 PM
So glad to hear that. *hugs*
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: mime on April 08, 2013, 02:44:10 PM
So glad to hear that things are looking up!
You'll continue to be in my prayers.  :)
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: Eeep! on April 08, 2013, 03:57:20 PM
Hurray for the good updates!
So happy the pregnancy is going better and yay for kicking!
As to your "friend" - good decision defriending her. Good riddance to bad rubbish!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: saffron on April 08, 2013, 04:30:14 PM
That is absolutely wonderful.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: gmatoy on April 09, 2013, 07:38:54 PM
Continuing to pray and sending good thoughts for you, baby, and all who are helping to care for you both!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: Marbles on April 11, 2013, 02:53:54 AM
My prayers are with you, too, OP. May your baby hold on for many more weeks to come!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: chibichan on April 11, 2013, 08:53:07 AM
Bet you've never been so glad to be kicked !

I'll keep sending good thoughts your way for you and your baby .
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: Nemesis on August 29, 2013, 04:51:00 AM
FINAL UPDATE:
Because I am a naturally curious person who likes hearing the end of stories, I thought you might like to hear this one :)

All the lovely thoughts and prayers helped! My little baby was born this morning, full term albeit 11 days early! She has been proclaimed to be perfectly healthy, while my own health has been pronounced to be recovering exceptionally well. We will both be going home tomorrow morning!

I would like to extend my deepfelt thanks to everyone here who has been so supportive, especially through the period when I honestly thought that I was going to lose my little girl. Holding her now gives me such joy and blessings that I can hardly believe how lucky I am.

On other news, my friend has dropped out of the sales company thing. But our friendship has been damaged and we have not been in contact since this thread. She has made no effort to reach out and neither have I. Some friendships are destined to completely die, I guess.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: caroled on August 29, 2013, 05:04:03 AM
Congratulations on this wonderful miracle that is now your child... God bless you both :)
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Mel the Redcap on August 29, 2013, 05:06:40 AM
CONGRATULATIONS!  *\o/* *\o/* *\o/* <--pompoms! ;D
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Monkey Maker on August 29, 2013, 05:35:14 AM
Congratulations!  Hope you both get home, settled and recover quickly!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Queen of Clubs on August 29, 2013, 05:44:54 AM
Aww, congratulations!  I'm so happy for you. :)
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Gyburc on August 29, 2013, 06:09:22 AM
Oh Nemesis, what wonderful news about your little girl! Congratulations, and all the best for a happy home-coming tomorrow.

Best,

G
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: LeveeWoman on August 29, 2013, 06:11:54 AM
Mazel tov!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Geekychick1984 on August 29, 2013, 06:29:07 AM
Congratulations!  I'm so happy everything worked out for you.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: KenveeB on August 29, 2013, 07:11:00 AM
Congratulations on a healthy little girl!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: JenJay on August 29, 2013, 08:28:08 AM
Congrats!!!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: illusionmajik on August 29, 2013, 08:41:58 AM
This is the kind of news I LOVE to hear in the morning!
The warm happy fuzzies from wonderful news goes well with the warm fuzzy feeling I get from my morning coffee!
Thanks for sharing the amazing news!
And Munchkin?  Let Mom sleep in for the first few days  ;D.  She's been thru a lot.
Afterwards, anything goes!  (including the hiding everything in the diaper trick when you get full manual dexterity)

Cheers!

Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: cicero on August 29, 2013, 08:54:43 AM
congratulations! enjoy your little miracle.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: AzaleaBloom on August 29, 2013, 09:06:58 AM
Congratulations!  Wonderful news!  :)
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: nayberry on August 29, 2013, 09:18:24 AM
Congrats
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: SDG31000 on August 29, 2013, 09:22:18 AM
What fantastic news  :)

Congratulations xxx
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: bloo on August 29, 2013, 09:23:59 AM
I, too, would like to echo the other posters and wish you congratulations on wonderful news. I'm very happy for you and your family! The pleasure you have holding your little bundle will, I'm sure, more than make up for the friendship that was damaged.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Shoo on August 29, 2013, 09:48:10 AM
Congratulations!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Betelnut on August 29, 2013, 10:09:30 AM
Yeah!  New life!  Congrats and I hope the next few weeks and months are full of a happy, sleeping baby!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: otterwoman on August 29, 2013, 10:30:01 AM
Congrats!!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: AfleetAlex on August 29, 2013, 10:39:13 AM
I just came across this thread today and as I was reading, I was biting my nails hoping for good updates at the end - and there they are! Congratulations Nemesis and I am SO happy for you and your family that you're all doing well. (And thanks for letting us know how you're doing.)
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: hobish on August 29, 2013, 10:48:44 AM

Your update about your daughter seriously made my day. Congratulations!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on August 29, 2013, 10:52:33 AM
Congratulations.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: artk2002 on August 29, 2013, 11:17:39 AM
Congratulations!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: StuffedGrapeLeaves on August 29, 2013, 11:41:59 AM
Congratulations, on both the baby and on shedding the dead weight that is your friend.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: WillyNilly on August 29, 2013, 11:43:18 AM
Congratulations!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: heartmug on August 29, 2013, 11:52:37 AM
Congratulations!!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: mmswm on August 29, 2013, 12:17:39 PM
Congrats again! 
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Coralreef on August 29, 2013, 12:36:11 PM
Congrats!  Enjoy your little one.  Wishing you both the best of everything.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Itza on August 29, 2013, 12:53:09 PM
Awww, congrats! xx
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Twik on August 29, 2013, 01:02:11 PM
Yippee! Doing the Happy, Healthy Baby Dance!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: CocoCamm on August 29, 2013, 01:14:52 PM
Congrats!!!!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: peaches on August 29, 2013, 01:28:56 PM
Great news! Congratulations on your little one!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Missy2U on August 29, 2013, 01:47:22 PM
Congratulations - I'm so very, VERY happy for you!!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: doodlemor on August 29, 2013, 02:02:36 PM
Congratulations!  I'm just delighted that all is well.  You and your baby have been in my prayers.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: snowdragon on August 29, 2013, 02:06:37 PM
Congrats! So glad to hear your good news.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Specky on August 29, 2013, 02:45:46 PM
Great news!  Congratulations!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: gramma dishes on August 29, 2013, 06:55:33 PM
This is the happiest post of the day!

Congratulations to you and to your daughter for hanging in there!  So nice to be coming home .. together!   :D
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Marbles on August 29, 2013, 07:44:39 PM
Congratulations, Nemesis and Nememini!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: AmethystAnne on August 29, 2013, 07:57:04 PM
Such good news, zippity doo dah, happy dance!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: zainabzks on August 29, 2013, 07:58:25 PM
Congratulations on your little girl. May she bring you lots of happiness in the years to come. :)
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Lindee on August 29, 2013, 08:36:53 PM
What wonderful news, congratulations to you and your daughter!  May you both be very happy.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: VorFemme on August 29, 2013, 08:39:22 PM
I remember being told, at some point, that a baby due date can go two weeks either way without causing doctors too much concern (they insist that women don't always track their periods closely enough.... :o ::)..uh, yeah, okay - not touching that one when I had a checkbook calendar for three years with the dates highlighted, but...).

As the Bard of Avon put it "All's Well That Ends Well"!

And your "friend" is not going to be greatly missed, it seems, after her shenanigans.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, upsetting #48, #90, unrelated #109
Post by: Softly Spoken on August 29, 2013, 09:02:54 PM
FINAL UPDATE:
Because I am a naturally curious person who likes hearing the end of stories, I thought you might like to hear this one :)

All the lovely thoughts and prayers helped! My little baby was born this morning, full term albeit 11 days early! She has been proclaimed to be perfectly healthy, while my own health has been pronounced to be recovering exceptionally well. We will both be going home tomorrow morning!

I would like to extend my deepfelt thanks to everyone here who has been so supportive, especially through the period when I honestly thought that I was going to lose my little girl. Holding her now gives me such joy and blessings that I can hardly believe how lucky I am.

On other news, my friend has dropped out of the sales company thing. But our friendship has been damaged and we have not been in contact since this thread. She has made no effort to reach out and neither have I. Some friendships are destined to completely die, I guess.

So so so so so happy for you and crying tears of joy!! I admit I didn't really follow this thread but when I saw the word "Finale" I was excited because we so rarely get closure on this forum. It was humbling to follow your updates and witness your struggle and triumph, if only as peripherally and vicariously as one forum member following another is able. Your strength, and the strength and caring of the people on this board is so beautiful. I love the miraculous flowers of joy that bloom here, out of the ash from the fires of ehell.  ;D

{{{{{{{(((((((HUGS)))))))}}}}}}}} for you and baby!!!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: audhs on August 29, 2013, 10:26:18 PM
I remember being told, at some point, that a baby due date can go two weeks either way without causing doctors too much concern (they insist that women don't always track their periods closely enough.... :o ::)..uh, yeah, okay - not touching that one when I had a checkbook calendar for three years with the dates highlighted, but...).

As the Bard of Avon put it "All's Well That Ends Well"!

And your "friend" is not going to be greatly missed, it seems, after her shenanigans.

I was told full term is 37 weeks , due date is 40 weeks.  So a few weeks early isn't really early.  ;)
That said all three of mine were 41.5 weeks
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Nikko-chan on August 29, 2013, 11:51:07 PM
Congratulations on your new little one, Nemesis!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: zyrs on August 30, 2013, 12:29:20 AM
Congratulations!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: pearls n purls on August 30, 2013, 12:31:04 AM
Congrats!  I'm so happy for you!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Danika on August 30, 2013, 12:48:57 AM
Yay! Congrats!!!

I'd seen your username here from time to time and wondered how the pregnancy was going, but was afraid to ask. I'm so so happy to hear that both you and the baby are healthy! Congrats!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: sidi-ji on August 30, 2013, 12:50:38 AM
Truly great news!  So happy for you.  Congrats.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: chibichan on August 30, 2013, 08:29:08 AM
Congratulations, Nemesis and Nememini!

I'm going for Japanese style - Welcome to the world , Neme-chan !

Big hugs and a high five Nemesis !
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: DaDancingPsych on August 30, 2013, 01:09:43 PM
Yippee!!! Congratulations!!!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: ladyknight1 on August 30, 2013, 05:56:40 PM
Congratulations! Enjoy your new little one.

And in a few weeks, we would love to see a picture!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on August 30, 2013, 07:17:53 PM
Congratulations!  Can I ask what name you chose?
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Nemesis on August 30, 2013, 07:36:25 PM
Hi all, thanks for your well wishes :)

I chose to name the baby after the angel Michael, for her strength and courage. As Michael is obviously a boy name and won't do for a young girl, I chose the french feminised version, Michelle.

And my sweet Michelle has kept us up all night! We still won't have it any other way!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: ladyknight1 on August 30, 2013, 07:37:18 PM
That is my middle name! I am so happy for you.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Winterlight on August 30, 2013, 09:10:53 PM
Huzzah for baby Michelle!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: IslandMama on August 30, 2013, 09:31:18 PM
Congratulations on your little Michelle's safe arrival into the world.  I hope she brings you joy, laughter and love for years to come.
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: sejeroo on August 31, 2013, 09:21:52 AM
Congratulations!! I'm so happy for you!!
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: RegionMom on August 31, 2013, 06:10:43 PM
Beautiful name, and such a blessing to make it to full-term!  Congratulations!

Glad the drama is gone, and all you have to do now is cater to the wishes of your new boss- baby Michelle.

 ;)
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: Curly Wurly Doggie Breath on September 01, 2013, 08:26:30 AM
tears of pure Joy. Congrats and (((((((((Hugs))))))))))) :)
Title: Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134
Post by: desireesgranny on September 01, 2013, 11:52:15 AM
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy! Wishing you nothing but happiness.