Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: Veronika Fate on April 07, 2013, 03:57:04 PM

Title: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Veronika Fate on April 07, 2013, 03:57:04 PM
I'm wondering if this suggestion seems as entitled from the outside as it does to me.

My friend/coworker Meredith and I are going to a concert together in about a month.  We both live in different cities, cities that aren't close to our work place, the city the concert is in, or each other.  Say we're both about 25+ miles from our work in different directions, but I'm slightly closer to City...what I'm trying to say is that it isn't exactly a big deal to drive into City for either of us, but that we're not located so that one of us could pick up the other without going 100% out of the way. 

The concert is on a non-work day, so we can't leave from work together to the concert- not that it would be the best solution anyway, because after driving to the city from work, back to work after the show, then both of us back home.  I've never had a problem going into City, there are plenty of both non-toll highways and back ways to get there for me, and as well as from Meredith's area- it's easy enough to get to and navigate, but admittedly different than the suburbs to drive in, if you're not used to it. 

All of this to say- I really think the easiest way to go is for us to meet at the venue, driving separately.  It takes me about 20-25 minutes to get there from my house, it might take Meredith 30-35.  I thought we can meet there, have a good time, and go our own ways afterwards, simple enough.

Except Meredith doesn't want to drive in or to the city.  She is able to, knows where the venue is and has been before, etc., just doesn't want to.  So her plan was for me to drive to her house after work Friday, go to some fundraiser she is selling pasties at that night ("You can be my helper!"), stay the night, go on errands with her Saturday ("I have a team meeting in the morning...but you can come with me to that!"), I drive us to the concert and back, and then I assume I'd drive back to my house after dropping her at hers', but if I mentioned how late it would be by then she'd probably try to get me to stay again- we didn't discuss that far. 

This is where I'm wondering if I'm biased in thinking "are you kidding me?!?"  From my point of view, she wants me to sacrifice most of my weekend, go on errands with her, and do way more driving that necessary, just so that she can avoid driving herself into the city.  I tried to see it from another point of view where maybe she legitimately thinks she's offering me a fun weekend agenda, but it just...doesn't fit my ideal of what I'd like to do.   Then again, I'm biased- this doesn't seem like a small sacrifice to me, combined with how I am never really comfortable staying overnight at other people's houses.

So how does this suggestion seem from the outside?  A rude suggestion to commander most of my weekend in order to avoid a half an hour drive, or a sweet offer for an overnight stay?

(FWIW, I haven't accepted these plans nor fully rejected them yet, when this came up the concert was even more in the future and I said I didn't want to plan that far ahead)
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: TootsNYC on April 07, 2013, 04:00:12 PM
Meredith is nuts. And selfish to boot.

Stick to your guns; she can figure out how to get to this concert.

I would not give up that much of my weekend to trail along after someone else, just to save them the trouble of getting into the City for the concert. Not to mention gas, etc.

I notice that you would be doing ALL the "giving" in her scenario. In what way does she inconvenience herself for *you*, or for your mutual benefit?

Don't second-guess, and don't explain. Say, "Meredith, that's just nuts. I'm not giving up all my weekend to follow you around or wait for you to be involved in other activities just because you don't want to go into the city. I'll meet you there. At our seat--you've got your ticket, right?"

And hang up. Don't stick around for any conversation about this. Now is your chance to teach her (through natural consequences. *not* through argument or persuasion) that this is just not appropriate.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: blue2000 on April 07, 2013, 04:04:13 PM
This might be a fun idea for some people. It is something my mother does quite a lot, for example. To me it sounds like a nightmare. "Stay with me, drive me everywhere, and be my little helper at my second job! Whoopie!"

No. Really, just no. Stick to your original plans. If she doesn't want to drive, she'll find another way in.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Shoo on April 07, 2013, 04:07:02 PM
I can think of a million better ways to spend a day off than trailing around behind someone else running their errands.  That sounds like a horrible way to spend a day to me.

Stick to your guns and insist she just meet you there. 
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Hmmmmm on April 07, 2013, 04:11:45 PM
Sorry, my weekend is booked, I'll meet you Saturday.

Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: YummyMummy66 on April 07, 2013, 04:12:41 PM
If she does not want to drive into the city, you tell her, here are your options...

You can drive into the city or you can come to my home, I will drive to concert and back to my home, and then you can drive home.

That is it.  I am not going to spend all weekend doing what you need to do just because you do not want to drive into the city.

If either of these options do not work, maybe I cna find someone to buy your ticket.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Surianne on April 07, 2013, 04:18:56 PM
Did she actually say her reasoning is so she doesn't have to drive to the concert herself?  If not, I wouldn't assume that.  (Apologies if I missed it!)

Sounds to me like she wants to spend time together.  It's not your idea of a fun time (it wouldn't be mine either) so just decline and let her know your Friday & Saturday is booked so you'll have to meet her at the concert.

If her reasoning *is* that she wanted a ride, well, she should have cleared that with you before purchasing tickets.  Not your fault you aren't up for it.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: TootsNYC on April 07, 2013, 04:28:49 PM
If she does not want to drive into the city, you tell her, here are your options...

You can drive into the city or you can come to my home, I will drive to concert and back to my home, and then you can drive home.

That is it.  I am not going to spend all weekend doing what you need to do just because you do not want to drive into the city.

If either of these options do not work, maybe I cna find someone to buy your ticket.

yeah, this is what I was thinking when I noted that Meredith is doing all the taking here.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Roe on April 07, 2013, 04:36:43 PM
"Sorry, that's not going to be possible. I do have plans for the rest of my weekend. I'll meet you at the concert. Bye now."
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: baglady on April 07, 2013, 04:50:36 PM
I don't get why it's either spend the entire weekend with her or meet at the concert venue. I am assuming the concert is Saturday night: Couldn't you pick her up Saturday after she's done with all her errands, go to the concert together, drive her to her home afterward and then either continue home or stay over that one night?
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Veronika Fate on April 07, 2013, 04:51:15 PM
Did she actually say her reasoning is so she doesn't have to drive to the concert herself?  If not, I wouldn't assume that.  (Apologies if I missed it!)

Sounds to me like she wants to spend time together.  It's not your idea of a fun time (it wouldn't be mine either) so just decline and let her know your Friday & Saturday is booked so you'll have to meet her at the concert.

If her reasoning *is* that she wanted a ride, well, she should have cleared that with you before purchasing tickets.  Not your fault you aren't up for it.

She didn't say specifically "I don't want to drive," but she listed her reasons why she doesn't like to.  She doesn't think her car is reliable, people drive differently, I'm more familiar with the city, how much gas it would take, we could save on parking costs with only one car going, stuff like that.  She didn't say them at all once, but threw them in one at a time during the conversation.

They aren't terrible reasons, but also not enough to convince me she needs me to do all this just for a ride.  It doesn't take any more gas or reliability than a usual trip to work, and she has had improvements done at the mechanics' recently anyway.  I admit I'm not very sympathetic to the "but I'm scared of the city" reasoning since the last time a "friend" took advantage of my familiarity with the area to try to get out of driving, using gas, and going in on parking fees.  I know that's not fair to Meredith right now, but the situation is bringing back the memories.

And as suggested by YummyMummy66- she is aware of that option too, she thought of it for another concert that will be sometime after this one.  The difference then is that one is on a work night, so she decided she could follow me to my place from work.  She didn't suggest it for this show and neither did I, maybe she can secretly see how much "work" it is to drive 20 miles to meet someone for a 20 mile ride, haha.  It ended up that the plans changed and that won't be happening- thankfully because I wasn't sure what exactly she wanted to do the four hours between work and the concert.

When we go to make the arrangements for real I will certainly be clear that we will have to meet at the venue. 
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: snowdragon on April 07, 2013, 04:53:43 PM
That's  amazingly entitled of her.  Seriously to put this in perspective, a friend of mine and I went to a concerting in Reading PA, a few years back.  I left Buffalo NY at midnight Friday arrived in Philly about Noon on Saturday we drove from Philly to Reading and saw the show and I then got back on a bus and was home around 3pm on Sunday.  Your "friend" is asking the same type of time investment from you -except that you should be working with her on her second job in between. For a show that is less than an hour round trip form you.  That's crazy.
  I am sorry she does not like to drive in the city but if that's the case either she doesn't go, or she finds an alternative to your sacrificing an entire weekend to being her chauffeur.  But her desire to not drive in the city is not your issue to solve. 
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: siamesecat2965 on April 07, 2013, 05:00:30 PM
She is being a bit entitled. and I don't think you're wrong to be a bit put out.  I'd give her the options suggested; she can drive to your house, go CRIVINS! you, then drive home, or meet you there.

I sometimes go to concerts with a friend. I don't drive well at night, esp wiht lots of lights, such as  thousands trying to leave a venue at the same time. And in places I'm not familiar with.  So the deal is, she drives, I pay for gas and parking, and we meet somewhere convenient for both of us.

She used to live close to me, and my office, and she'd come get me at work, and then drop me back at my car on the way home. She has since moved further away, in the opposite direction but if we were to go to another show, we could still meet at my office, since its literally 5 minutes off the interstate we would take to and for her to take home. I know she'd do that for me. But if it were majorly out of the way, if i didn't want to drive, I'd make my own arrangements based on HER schedule etc if she were going to drive
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Veronika Fate on April 07, 2013, 05:04:10 PM
I don't get why it's either spend the entire weekend with her or meet at the concert venue. I am assuming the concert is Saturday night: Couldn't you pick her up Saturday after she's done with all her errands, go to the concert together, drive her to her home afterward and then either continue home or stay over that one night?

I'm not sure either!  All of this planning came from her- we bought the tickets in advance, and while I prefer to leave the ride-planning (if any) closer to the event, she wanted to plan it before the tickets were even on sale.  Nothing wrong with that, especially since she clearly schedules in advance, but I wasn't prepared for it.

Me picking her up at her place right before is definitely an option, I don't want to (nor feel it is necessary, honestly) to pick her up, but I think it didn't come up for this show because in her mind, me leaving to her place from work is more efficient than if I had to leave from my house.  Either that or the staying over was supposed to be an incentive or justification- as if the situation was that I was going to be there anyway and then I may as well drive both of us.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: reflection5 on April 07, 2013, 05:07:01 PM
Sorry, my weekend is booked, I'll meet you Saturday.

This.

Yes, she sounds very entitled.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: *inviteseller on April 07, 2013, 05:08:43 PM
That was awfully nice of her to plan your weekend for you!  Seriously, you get to do HER errands with her, help with HER sales show, all for the pleasure of riding her to and from a concert because, plainly, she doesn't want to pay gas, parking, or do the driving.  I would just tell her your weekend is also booked and you will meet her there.  If she really wants to go, she will figure out a way.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: delabela on April 07, 2013, 05:13:16 PM
I could see planning a fun weekend around the concert, but that's not what's going on here.  It's more of you being there as an afterthought so she can get to the concert in her preferred way.  I would probably say that I'd meet her there, or she could meet me at my house.  I might even offer for her to spend the night after the concert at my house.  But that's about it. 
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Veronika Fate on April 07, 2013, 05:14:40 PM
She is being a bit entitled. and I don't think you're wrong to be a bit put out.  I'd give her the options suggested; she can drive to your house, go CRIVINS! you, then drive home, or meet you there.

I sometimes go to concerts with a friend. I don't drive well at night, esp wiht lots of lights, such as  thousands trying to leave a venue at the same time. And in places I'm not familiar with.  So the deal is, she drives, I pay for gas and parking, and we meet somewhere convenient for both of us.

She used to live close to me, and my office, and she'd come get me at work, and then drop me back at my car on the way home. She has since moved further away, in the opposite direction but if we were to go to another show, we could still meet at my office, since its literally 5 minutes off the interstate we would take to and for her to take home. I know she'd do that for me. But if it were majorly out of the way, if i didn't want to drive, I'd make my own arrangements based on HER schedule etc if she were going to drive

I go to a decent amount of concerts, and arrangements like what you have with your friend are the type of arrangements I'm used to.  I've even enjoyed a few bands I never imagined because my friend with a gas-guzzling truck would pay for my ticket and any other expense, in return for a ride there.  Very generous! 

As bad as it sounds I'm relieved that judging from all of your responses, my thoughts on the situation weren't being colored by my "but I don't waaannnaaaaa" feelings.   I just hope she doesn't take it personally when we finalize the plans.  She was really excited about the whole thing, I assume that's why she didn't even ask if I was free, or if I wanted my weekend to include an overnight, and another reason I felt a little off about this planning. 
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Miss Tickle on April 07, 2013, 05:16:00 PM
What's in it for you? By that I mean what has Meredith offered in return for your service?

Has she offered the gas and parking for your chauffeur services at least? Is she paying at least minimum wages for the "helper" position? Is she buying your food while you're at her disposal? Are you close enough friends that what she's suggesting makes sense?
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Surianne on April 07, 2013, 05:18:40 PM
She didn't say specifically "I don't want to drive," but she listed her reasons why she doesn't like to.  She doesn't think her car is reliable, people drive differently, I'm more familiar with the city, how much gas it would take, we could save on parking costs with only one car going, stuff like that.  She didn't say them at all once, but threw them in one at a time during the conversation.

They aren't terrible reasons, but also not enough to convince me she needs me to do all this just for a ride.  It doesn't take any more gas or reliability than a usual trip to work, and she has had improvements done at the mechanics' recently anyway.  I admit I'm not very sympathetic to the "but I'm scared of the city" reasoning since the last time a "friend" took advantage of my familiarity with the area to try to get out of driving, using gas, and going in on parking fees.  I know that's not fair to Meredith right now, but the situation is bringing back the memories.

Ah, I think you're right then re: her motivations.  Thanks for the added detail.  I think even without your story of a previous "friend" taking advantage, you're perfectly correct to want to meet up at the concert.  Stand your ground and let her know you can't spare any additional time that weekend. 

Now, if she's genuinely scared of driving and offers to buy your concert ticket, or dinner, or some other favour in compensation to show that she appreciates it, sure, you can consider picking her up -- but even then you certainly don't have to.  It's wrong of her to spring this on you after plans for the concert were made.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: FauxFoodist on April 07, 2013, 05:26:00 PM
I was going to say I wouldn't have a problem driving into the city with Friend as long as she met me at my house and provided her own transportation to and from my house.  However, it occurred to me she could find a problem with getting to my house and make it so that I'd have to pick her up after all so I'd go with meet her at the venue.  I'd also prepare to be attending the concert alone in case it comes to that (if you've never attended alone, it is weird at first, but you get used to it if you determine that you really don't care that you're attending alone -- I started doing it years ago when I found there were lots of things I wanted to do for which I couldn't find someone to accompany me).

If the concert should be that important to your friend, she will figure out how to get to/from the city on her own (and if she manages to get to the venue without driving and needs a ride from the venue, be braced to tell her that you can't drive her home, can drop her off at the nearest public transportation on your way home for her to get home or you could drive back to your house with her and she could catch a cab or something home from there).

And, there's one more option -- you call her on it and say, "Look, I'm not available to hang out all weekend.  If you want me to do all the driving, then you need to pay for all the gasoline between my house and yours and for the parking (all the parking because I'm doing the driving and it's my car getting all the wear-and-tear).  If that's not okay, then we'll just meet at the venue.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: camlan on April 07, 2013, 05:48:44 PM
Meridith has asked you to do what is easiest for *her*. That's human nature--we tend to sort things out and make plans that are the best for us.

But those plans are not always the best, or easiest, or most convenient for the other people involved.

You are perfectly free to counter-offer with the plan that is best for *you*. Be that meeting at the venue, or having Meridith drive to your house on Saturday.

I've got a few friends like Meridith, who can take lunch on Saturday and stretch it out to involve the whole weekend. Well, I don't always want to spend the night at a friend's house, in a strange bed. And sometimes I want to spend an entire day not talking to any one--I get enough of people at work; sometimes I need down time. I've had to learn how to politely scale back the involved suggestions for "fun" that friends bring up, and just do those bits that are really, truly, fun for *me*.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Nebraska Jones on April 07, 2013, 06:24:34 PM
I don't get why it's either spend the entire weekend with her or meet at the concert venue. I am assuming the concert is Saturday night: Couldn't you pick her up Saturday after she's done with all her errands, go to the concert together, drive her to her home afterward and then either continue home or stay over that one night?

That is a whole lot of unnecessary driving.  Why should the OP have to go pick her up and do all the driving (especially since they don't live near each other)?  Meredith could just as easily meet at OP's house and avoid driving into the city.

Also, staying "over that one night" is still staying over night and the OP prefers not to.  I think it's completely fair to make sure you sleep in your own bed.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: PastryGoddess on April 07, 2013, 06:34:10 PM
No is really a complete sentence.

You don't need to give her a reason for saying no.  You have several valid reasons but it's not necessary to offer them up if you don't want to.  It's perfectly reasonable to say "I don't want to do that".  You will not be a bad person if you decline her oh so charming offer to take up your entire weekend.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: siamesecat2965 on April 07, 2013, 07:33:01 PM
She is being a bit entitled. and I don't think you're wrong to be a bit put out.  I'd give her the options suggested; she can drive to your house, go CRIVINS! you, then drive home, or meet you there.

I sometimes go to concerts with a friend. I don't drive well at night, esp wiht lots of lights, such as  thousands trying to leave a venue at the same time. And in places I'm not familiar with.  So the deal is, she drives, I pay for gas and parking, and we meet somewhere convenient for both of us.

She used to live close to me, and my office, and she'd come get me at work, and then drop me back at my car on the way home. She has since moved further away, in the opposite direction but if we were to go to another show, we could still meet at my office, since its literally 5 minutes off the interstate we would take to and for her to take home. I know she'd do that for me. But if it were majorly out of the way, if i didn't want to drive, I'd make my own arrangements based on HER schedule etc if she were going to drive

I go to a decent amount of concerts, and arrangements like what you have with your friend are the type of arrangements I'm used to.  I've even enjoyed a few bands I never imagined because my friend with a gas-guzzling truck would pay for my ticket and any other expense, in return for a ride there.  Very generous! 

As bad as it sounds I'm relieved that judging from all of your responses, my thoughts on the situation weren't being colored by my "but I don't waaannnaaaaa" feelings.   I just hope she doesn't take it personally when we finalize the plans.  She was really excited about the whole thing, I assume that's why she didn't even ask if I was free, or if I wanted my weekend to include an overnight, and another reason I felt a little off about this planning.

I have other friends, who, when planning concerts and other stuff that might lead to a late night, will kick around options, such as offering a place to crash, and so on.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: DragonKitty on April 07, 2013, 09:50:47 PM
Trying to get someone to drive you around to run your own errands does seem to be going a bit far.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Raintree on April 08, 2013, 12:45:17 AM
Oh what fun!! You would get to scurry around Thursday night packing your clothes and making sure you have everything you need for overnight, and going out to the concert, to take to work with you. Then you'd get to spend Friday night at a fundraiser you have no interest in, and crash uncomfortably on your friend's couch or spare bedroom (even if it's the most luxurious spare bedroom in the world, there is no substitute for your own bed and bathroom). Then you get to traipse around with her while she does errands, including a meeting that has nothing to do with you. All while your own weekend errands get neglected. Then you get to drive to the concert, and two hours out of your way (ie there and back) to drive her home afterwards.

I understand that some people are afraid to drive into an unfamiliar city, but what about a Greyhound bus? Or, she could drive to your place and park there. It's her issue, not yours.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: sammycat on April 08, 2013, 01:42:33 AM
I'd simply tell Meredith that 'sorry I have other plans for the rest of the weekend'.

If you're willing to drive her from your place to the concert and then back to your house, (once she's made her own way to/from your house) then offer that option to her too. However, I can see her then inviting herself to stay overnight at your place then too, so that may be something to consider.

I hate driving in these situations too, but it would never occur to me to ask someone to go out of their way to accommodate me like this. I'd either suck it up or look for public transport options. 

Is there public transport from Meredith's area to the concert? Sometimes even getting a bus or train to the venue just from the edge of town/part of the way can be a lifesaver.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Margo on April 08, 2013, 07:18:15 AM
I agree with the PPs - Meredith is either clueless or very entitled.

In your place, I would avoid legthy explanations as she may try to convince you, just say "No, I have other plans for the rest of the weekend, I'll meet you there" (or, if you would be willing "No, I have other plans for the rest of the weekend, but if you want to leave your car at mine I will drive to the concernt and back. We can split the parking costs. You'll need to be at mine no later than [time 10 minutes before you'd want to leave]"
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: bopper on April 08, 2013, 07:47:44 AM
You can accommodate her...

"Sure Meridith, if you would like to drive in with me I will be leaving my house at 4:00. I would be happy to drive you in. "
"But I don't want to drive all the way to your house first"
"Well then you can imagine I don't want to drive twice as far either!"
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Venus193 on April 08, 2013, 08:48:08 AM
"That will not be possible" is a complete answer.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Spring Water on Sundays on April 08, 2013, 09:07:14 AM
Yeah...I have pretty severe anxiety about driving in unfamiliar cities so I am often looking to catch a ride in situations like this. HOWEVER, it is MY problem and I'll happily inconvenience myself so as not to inconvenience the person driving me to the venue. This whole agenda the CW has cooked up is just silly.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: BeagleMommy on April 08, 2013, 09:25:13 AM
I'm sorry, that won't be possible.  Repeat ad nauseum.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: PennyandPleased on April 08, 2013, 10:52:03 AM
Wow - I think you and I share a mutual friend. One of my friends basically asked me to do the exact same thing not that long ago!

I just said: "aww thanks for the offer but I have too much going on that weekend. See you at the "event". I'll be getting there at 6:00."
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: lmyrs on April 08, 2013, 02:47:42 PM
This woman drives into and out of this city nearly every single day for work so I'm not sympathetic with her desire not to do it for the concert. It may be different if she was completely unfamiliar with the area and never drove there on her own. But that's not the case here. I'd just tell her that you already have plans for the weekend and you can't pick her up. If she really doesn't want to drive in and out of the city, she can drive around it to your place and you take her from your home.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Addy on April 08, 2013, 03:06:47 PM
So her plan was for me to drive to her house after work Friday, go to some fundraiser she is selling pasties at that night

 :o Please tell me you are talking about the meat filled pastry, not the other definition of this word!
 ;) ;D
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: audrey1962 on April 08, 2013, 03:34:53 PM
This thread reminds me of a friend that has made similar requests because she honestly thought it would be fun! The difference with Meredith is that my friend wasn't afraid of driving into the city. But all the rest of it: the sleepovers, the fundraiser, the errand running - she actually thinks those are fun things to do with a friend. She even once suggested a "weekend getaway" of driving twelve hours and seeing a show, staying at a bed and breakfast, the works. We're acquaintances. We're in our 40s. I'm married (she's not).

I just tell her no. It doesn't hurt our relationship in the least.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Surianne on April 08, 2013, 06:11:22 PM
This is why I don't think you should judge her so harshly yet:

This thread reminds me of a friend that has made similar requests because she honestly thought it would be fun! The difference with Meredith is that my friend wasn't afraid of driving into the city. But all the rest of it: the sleepovers, the fundraiser, the errand running - she actually thinks those are fun things to do with a friend. She even once suggested a "weekend getaway" of driving twelve hours and seeing a show, staying at a bed and breakfast, the works. We're acquaintances. We're in our 40s. I'm married (she's not).

I just tell her no. It doesn't hurt our relationship in the least.

It's very possible she would genuinely enjoy this type of weekend.  Yes, it's a way to get around driving, but she also thinks she's giving you something in return: a chance to spend a few days together.  Just because some of us wouldn't like it (and I agree, I'm too much of an introvert) doesn't mean others wouldn't.  I have friends who love just hanging out and running errands together because it's together time.  They'll invite me over for a night just because it would be fun (in their minds) to sleep over. 

So I wouldn't think of her as selfish or entitled because so far, she's only made the offer.  If she accepts the OP's declining of the invitation, there's no problem here.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: White Lotus on April 08, 2013, 07:40:40 PM
Is there maybe a park and ride lot or a train station or giant store that doesn't care in between you, on the way to City, where you could meet, go together, return there, and each go home?  I can see wanting to go together to and from the concert -- parking alone will cost a lot, and it would be fun to have the chance to talk.  But the way she is proposing is not convenient and doesn't sound like fun. If you live in Utopia, where public transporation works, you could perhaps train or bus to the venue and bring picnics for the ride.  Sometimes there are special event buses from park and ride locations for huge concerts and sporting events in Big Cities.  There simply has to be a better way than what she proposes, and I suggest a little web work might make one apparent.  What everyone else has said about saying you can't spend the weekend with her is all very good and quite polite!
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: snowfire on April 08, 2013, 09:09:51 PM
So her plan was for me to drive to her house after work Friday, go to some fundraiser she is selling pasties at that night

 :o Please tell me you are talking about the meat filled pastry, not the other definition of this word!
 ;) ;D
/threadjacck/ Anyone else got the mental image of Gypsy Rose Lee from the musical "Gypsy" singing "You Gotta Have A Gimmick" and twirling her tassels? /end threadjack/

Oh yeah, and the "Come to the business meeting, you'll enjoy it" schtick.  Can you smell a MLM?
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: snowdragon on April 08, 2013, 09:31:43 PM
Did she ask, or just act like it was a done deal?


Also if the concert is in the city where you work, and she is comfortable driving to work, have her drop her car off at work and then you can drive her to the venue- if you feel like it.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: TootsNYC on April 08, 2013, 09:58:43 PM
I can see in some situations that spending time with someone--even if the activity is not the traditional "friends get-together"--could really be great.

But not a coworker whom I see every day.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: jaxsue on April 09, 2013, 03:17:16 AM
So her plan was for me to drive to her house after work Friday, go to some fundraiser she is selling pasties at that night

 :o Please tell me you are talking about the meat filled pastry, not the other definition of this word!
 ;) ;D

Love pasties! (the food, of course)
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: LifeOnPluto on April 09, 2013, 03:39:51 AM
I totally get that it can be scary driving alone in a busy city at night. But really, her "solution" is completely inconvenient for the OP, and the OP would not be rude in refusing.

I like the idea of telling Friend to meet at the OP's place before the concert and the OP will drive them together. Although as a PP said, be prepared for the fact that Friend might find that too inconvenient for HER!

Also like the idea of exploring public transport options - if there's a safe bus or train, perhaps your friend could catch that?
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Venus193 on April 09, 2013, 05:45:36 AM
I hope that the selfish co-worker has her ticket and it's paid for.
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Veronika Fate on April 10, 2013, 04:42:15 PM
Hahaha pasties, oops!  What I meant was pastries, sorry!

Thank you everyone for your input. 
I'm not sure if it is important, but our work isn't in the city, our work is in another suburb.  And her meeting/fundraiser is kind of a MLM thing, but it is for a certain hobby that she knows I'm not involved in at all so I don't think it's a sneaky sales pitch  ;D

As a small update,  we talked very briefly about the show today.  I didn't bring up the weekend plan from before but I told her I'd be willing to meet early, get some food, wait in line to be front row etc. if she wanted to and she seemed to like that idea.  We still both have to drive, but it's much easier and less stressful to drive in the afternoon before everyone else leaves for the Hip City Bars/Clubs/Casinos and such. 

Surianne, I think you are exactly right.  She didn't suggest this weekend with the intent to "trick" me into driving more than I usually would want to, she made a generous offer of what she thinks would be a really good time- it's not her fault I don't feel the same.  I feel bad for making her seem so manipulative, but when she started delivering this plan all I could think was how I didn't want to do it.  And snowdragon brought this up- it was delivered as "this is what we can do," not a demand but not really a question either.

Venus193, yes she paid for her ticket  : )
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Poppea on April 11, 2013, 10:37:55 AM
Darn it I thought she was making meat pasties, which are like cornish pastie.  I haven't had one in years.  yummm
Title: Re: One concert takes all weekend
Post by: Raintree on April 11, 2013, 11:00:20 PM
Darn it I thought she was making meat pasties, which are like cornish pastie.  I haven't had one in years.  yummm

That is what I thought. But pastries are even better.