Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: LadyL on May 06, 2013, 02:45:00 PM

Title: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: LadyL on May 06, 2013, 02:45:00 PM
Second letter, about an adult child who isn't sure whether or not to tell his parents after he gets a tattoo:

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2013/05/dear_prudence_my_son_s_classmate_has_cerebral_palsy_i_have_no_idea_how_to.html

I thought this was one of Prudie's least helpful answers. I can't believe the whole answer was dedicated to condescendingly lecturing the letter writer, who is not some 17 year old rushing to the tattoo shop the day they turn 18 but in their "late 20s" and being conscientious about their parents feelings. I thought we were at the point in society where most people have tattoos, and those who don't like them realize it's not their choice to make or comment on? Her snideness about the yoga instructor with the memorial tattoo of her grandfather really got my blood boiling. To me that comes close to criticizing a person's way of grieving/memorializing a loved one.

And she gave him no suggestions for what to say to his parents!

I am wondering if her editors mandate that she have at least one flabberghasting answer a month so that they get page views and comments out of it.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Kiara on May 06, 2013, 02:59:03 PM
I thought the same thing, LadyL - and I speak as someone who GOT a tattoo in her mid 20's, regretted it, and had it removed.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: magicdomino on May 06, 2013, 02:59:35 PM
That was part of today's Washington Post discussion:  http://live.washingtonpost.com/dear-prudence-130506.html

I thought it was a pretty useless answer myself.  Even when others pointed out that the OP was asking about whether or not she should tell her parents, Prudence stuck to her answer that the OP shouldn't get the tattoo at all.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: lady_disdain on May 06, 2013, 03:54:59 PM
Emily Yoffe is entirely too judgmental and preachy for an advice columnist. Her list of hobby horses and peeves is also pretty impressive.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on May 06, 2013, 04:12:26 PM
She rubbed me the wrong way too, and I waited till 30 to get my first ink because it took me till I was 29 to decide on an image I liked and then I had to save up the $ to get it as well as the $ to visit my friend who was going with me.

I heard after the fact that if you want to get inked you should go around with that picture in your pocket for a year, looking at it at least once a day.  If you get tired of it, think of another design. If you still like it, go for it. 

I knew my folks wouldn't like it but in all truth, I didn't really care what they thought about it. 

My advice to the young man would be to make sure that he really does want to do this, perhaps carry around the picture or put it in a place where he'd see it daily and if he still feels strongly about having it inked on him, go for it.  As for his parents, well I guess I'd suggest looking up some articles about how tattoos are safer, more widespread and show them that he has done his research wrt the tattoo parlor, make sure they are clean and that he's looked through samples of their artwork and is satisfied.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: CakeBeret on May 06, 2013, 04:22:48 PM
Well, her feelings about tattoos are about on the same level with my feelings about her judgmental attitude.

The person in the story should do whatever makes him/her most comfortable. My mom didn't find out about my first tattoo until about 8 months after I got it. My dad has never seen that tattoo, nor the one after it. I had no desire to seek their approval and so did not. This was the least stressful way for me to handle it.

Edited: no idea why I arbitrarily decided that the LW was a man, lol
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Yvaine on May 06, 2013, 04:29:07 PM
Emily Yoffe is entirely too judgmental and preachy for an advice columnist. Her list of hobby horses and peeves is also pretty impressive.

The ones that annoy me most are when she gets a serious question and answers it entirely in puns and cheesy jokes, without dispensing any useful advice.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Hmmmmm on May 06, 2013, 04:36:13 PM
I quit reading her a few months ago after one of her rants. I learned that I had opposing opinions on some basic ideas. And she didn't address the question that time either, just got on a high horse about anyone thinking they were even allowed to ask the question.

What are the guidelines for advice columnists? Are they to keep their personal dislikes or preferences out of their advice?

I know we a rag on Miss Manners occasionally for her giving advice based on her opinions (strapless wedding dresses). Are there any advice columnists who keep personal biasis completely at bay?



Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: White Lotus on May 06, 2013, 04:39:11 PM
I don't think "most people" have tattoos, but many people do, and all sorts of other body mods -- such as plastic surgery -- as well.  Their bodies, their business.  Prudence was way off the point with her non-answer, and I agree it reveals her prejudices. 
If you don't like a tattoo later, it can be touched up, covered, or removed -- again, your business.  I know many older people with tattoos and they look just fine, far as I can see.  Maybe it will be an expensive and painful mistake -- and maybe not; the people I know who have them, love them -- but it is not irreparable if it is.
I suspect, as a parent who isn't nuts about body mods,  the easiest way for the LW to tell his parents, and he should if they'll see it or hear about it, is to bounce up happily, in the presence of others, and say, casually, but with a huge grin, "Look at this!  I got it last week -- isn't it (cool, great, beautiful, whatever)?"  If he makes a big ugly deal of it and slouches up all hangdog and shamefaced, he will get an entirely different reaction.  Be lighthearted, and give them a chance to get over their shock without blowing up in knee-jerk reactions.   
I do agree with those who say anyone contemplating a body mod that is irreversible or very difficult to reverse should make darned sure it really is something they will want to live with forever.  It is also possible to get fake tattoos, even custom ones, that last a couple of weeks.  With those, one could wear the desired image until making it permanent (or not) becomes inevitable.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: CakeBeret on May 06, 2013, 04:43:35 PM
I know we a rag on Miss Manners occasionally for her giving advice based on her opinions (strapless wedding dresses). Are there any advice columnists who keep personal biasis completely at bay?

Probably not. I wrote to a career advice columnist once for (gasp) career advice. She told me to quit my job, sell my house, and make my husband figure out the finances so I could be a SAHM. Funny, since I've never had any desire to be a SAHM. *shrug*
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on May 06, 2013, 04:46:53 PM
Emily Yoffe is entirely too judgmental and preachy for an advice columnist. Her list of hobby horses and peeves is also pretty impressive.

POD.  Margo Howard's jokes were actually funny at times, too. 
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Two Ravens on May 06, 2013, 04:53:21 PM
Eh, I agree with Emily more than I ever agreed with Margo. The thing is, when you write you an advice columnist, you get their personal opinion. Write to Emily about tattoos, you get the advice not to get one. Write to Miss Manners about strapless wedding dresses, you get the advice not to wear one. Write to "Ask Beth" about sex, you get the advice not to have it, write to Carolyn Hax about a relationship, you get the advice to read "Gift of Fear." All advice is really relative.

My advice to the LW would have been to hold off getting the tattoo until you feel confident you could defend the decision to your parents, whether you decide to tell them or not....
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: lady_disdain on May 06, 2013, 05:19:44 PM
True, advice is relative and it is impossible to completely set one's opinion aside. However, the columnist should allow their prejudices to take over. To me, the mark of a good person to give advice is one who listens to you, understands your concerns and addresses them.

Emily Yoffe could have added a line about tattoos after giving the needed advice, not instead.

"Dear Writer,

Part of being an adult is being able to make your own decisions and dealing with the repercussions. Through life, you may make many other decisions that your parents disagree with it. However, it is your life and you shouldn't live under the shadow of their disapproval. Some parents are able to deal well with this, others, not so much.

You do not have to tell them at once or even at all, if that is what you prefer. You may find it easier to let some time pass, become used to your tattoo as just another part of your body. If they dislike it, at least you will be comfortable enough to say 'sorry, it is part of me now' instead of second guessing yourself.

Now, you will have to forgive my old fashioned views. Please consider your tattoo carefully. People age, their bodies change and the important symbols in their lives change. It would be awful to have to live forever with something that doesn't appeal to you anymore or that has suffered the effects of gravity and fading. I know I am increasingly alone in this view but I can't pass advice on without including this."

Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Thipu1 on May 06, 2013, 06:30:09 PM
Like many other choices in life, a tattoo is something very personal.  I'd never get one myself but I've see examples that are true works of art.

I have to wonder why the letter-writer chose this particular columnist instead of one who might be more liberal about tattoos.  Frankly, the letter seems more like a cautionary tale than something someone would actually send to an advice columnist.     
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Hmmmmm on May 06, 2013, 06:32:31 PM
True, advice is relative and it is impossible to completely set one's opinion aside. However, the columnist should allow their prejudices to take over. To me, the mark of a good person to give advice is one who listens to you, understands your concerns and addresses them.

Emily Yoffe could have added a line about tattoos after giving the needed advice, not instead.

"Dear Writer,

Part of being an adult is being able to make your own decisions and dealing with the repercussions. Through life, you may make many other decisions that your parents disagree with it. However, it is your life and you shouldn't live under the shadow of their disapproval. Some parents are able to deal well with this, others, not so much.

You do not have to tell them at once or even at all, if that is what you prefer. You may find it easier to let some time pass, become used to your tattoo as just another part of your body. If they dislike it, at least you will be comfortable enough to say 'sorry, it is part of me now' instead of second guessing yourself.

Now, you will have to forgive my old fashioned views. Please consider your tattoo carefully. People age, their bodies change and the important symbols in their lives change. It would be awful to have to live forever with something that doesn't appeal to you anymore or that has suffered the effects of gravity and fading. I know I am increasingly alone in this view but I can't pass advice on without including this."

Good example of people's prejudices showing up as hard as we try for them not to.  ;) I don't consider people who dislike tattoos "Old Fashioned". There are people with cultural reasons who dislike them. And there is still a large percentage, though minority, of the 35 and under set who do not like them. It's funny to think of non-tattoo people as the "alternative" society.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: SamiHami on May 06, 2013, 06:42:25 PM
When I got my tattoo I knew with certainty that my mother would hate it. She despises tattoos and complains whenever anyone in the family gets one. So when i got mine at the ripe old age of 45 I just showed it to her and told her that at my age I was old enough to decide for myself whether or not I wanted one. She kinda made a face, and then said, "Let me see it again." She then told me that she still doesn't like them but that at least mine was cute.

I say if you are grown up enough to get inked, you are grown up enough to tell the folks. I don't see any point in hiding it. As I've read on here so many times, they will either get over it or die angry. It's all on them.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: lady_disdain on May 06, 2013, 07:17:15 PM
True, advice is relative and it is impossible to completely set one's opinion aside. However, the columnist should allow their prejudices to take over. To me, the mark of a good person to give advice is one who listens to you, understands your concerns and addresses them.

Emily Yoffe could have added a line about tattoos after giving the needed advice, not instead.

"Dear Writer,

Part of being an adult is being able to make your own decisions and dealing with the repercussions. Through life, you may make many other decisions that your parents disagree with it. However, it is your life and you shouldn't live under the shadow of their disapproval. Some parents are able to deal well with this, others, not so much.

You do not have to tell them at once or even at all, if that is what you prefer. You may find it easier to let some time pass, become used to your tattoo as just another part of your body. If they dislike it, at least you will be comfortable enough to say 'sorry, it is part of me now' instead of second guessing yourself.

Now, you will have to forgive my old fashioned views. Please consider your tattoo carefully. People age, their bodies change and the important symbols in their lives change. It would be awful to have to live forever with something that doesn't appeal to you anymore or that has suffered the effects of gravity and fading. I know I am increasingly alone in this view but I can't pass advice on without including this."

Good example of people's prejudices showing up as hard as we try for them not to.  ;) I don't consider people who dislike tattoos "Old Fashioned". There are people with cultural reasons who dislike them. And there is still a large percentage, though minority, of the 35 and under set who do not like them. It's funny to think of non-tattoo people as the "alternative" society.


I was just trying to echo Prudie's views. I believe she used either that term or something similar. ;)
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Calistoga on May 07, 2013, 12:52:28 PM
How incredibly unhelpful. I know plenty of people who are quite a bit older than me and love their tattoos. But that's not even the point- he wasn't asking for her advice about getting a tattoo, he was asking if he should tell his parents about it, since he knows they don't like tattoos. It was tantamont to telling someone who wanted to know if it was a good idea to bring a new puppy on a family vacation not to get a puppy.

As to that, yes, I think he should mention it to them. That way there's no sudden scandal at the beach when he takes his shirt off and mom spots his ink.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Margo on May 07, 2013, 01:18:32 PM
How incredibly unhelpful. I know plenty of people who are quite a bit older than me and love their tattoos. But that's not even the point- he wasn't asking for her advice about getting a tattoo, he was asking if he should tell his parents about it, since he knows they don't like tattoos. It was tantamont to telling someone who wanted to know if it was a good idea to bring a new puppy on a family vacation not to get a puppy.

As to that, yes, I think he should mention it to them. That way there's no sudden scandal at the beach when he takes his shirt off and mom spots his ink.

Exactly. Giving an answer different to the one the questioner wants is fine, and is one of the things you risk when you ask for advice. Failing to answer the question at all, and answering a totally different  question to the one which was asked is both sloppy and unhelpful.

And tattoos are not to everyone's taste, but they are pretty mainstream these days, and if you are in your 20s and living independently then the choice of whether to get a tattoo or not isnt one you can make for yourself. I wonder if the reply would have been different if the body modification had been a different one - breast enlargement or reduction, for instance?
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: CreteGirl on May 07, 2013, 02:58:58 PM
My advice to the letter writer would be to tell his parents, but perhaps wait until after he has it.

They might not be happy, but it is still his choice.  I think it would be worse for the tattoo to be discovered inadvertently by his parents at a later date.

Had my parents been alive when I got my tattoo, I admit I would have been hesitant to tell them.  My Mom liked to call me a bimbo, and this would have only given her further proof, in her mind, that she was right.

However, I would have been a bimbo with a really nice tattoo. 

Now I'm just a woman with a really nice tattoo.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Oh Joy on May 07, 2013, 03:36:17 PM
I admit, I'm a bit let down by the consensus in this thread. 

Regarding her not answering the asked question, that's pretty accepted as a response on this board.  Often a poster will ask how to politely say something, and we advise that the better solution is something else entirely (ask the roommate to move out, not go to the party, etc.) 

Regarding the advice to reconsider the tattoo itself, I believe the opinion that tattoos aren't a good idea is just as valid as the opinion that tattoos are a good idea.  Neither opinion has to be right or wrong, and it's OK to have either one.  (What one does with one's opinion is an entirely different matter, of course).

YMMV.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Onyx_TKD on May 07, 2013, 04:21:44 PM
I admit, I'm a bit let down by the consensus in this thread. 

Regarding her not answering the asked question, that's pretty accepted as a response on this board.  Often a poster will ask how to politely say something, and we advise that the better solution is something else entirely (ask the roommate to move out, not go to the party, etc.) 

Regarding the advice to reconsider the tattoo itself, I believe the opinion that tattoos aren't a good idea is just as valid as the opinion that tattoos are a good idea.  Neither opinion has to be right or wrong, and it's OK to have either one.  (What one does with one's opinion is an entirely different matter, of course).

YMMV.

I think a discussion board and an advice columnist are fairly different things.

First, if one person on a discussion board offers an alternative suggestion Y without addressing the initial question X, then there are plenty more people who may address the original question. Second, on a discussion board, the original poster can easily jump back in and say "I've already decided that I'm not going to do Y [optionally giving reasons]. In light of that fact, how would you handle X?" If no one responds to the question X because they can't imagine not doing Y instead...well, that's a risk you take with a board of regular people having discussions, rather than professional advice columnists. And frankly, if someone here replied to a post about tattoos as Prudie did, loftily lecturing the OP about how tattoos are permanent as if it was impossible that this younger person had thought their decision through, then I'd think that poster was appallingly rude.

Prudence is a professional advice columnist. The typical format for the "discussion" is one letter and one answer--hers. Plus, I'm sure she gets many more letters than she prints in her column, so her choosing to publish someones letter IMO implies a contract to actually give advice on their issue. They are providing her with material to make her living (no letters coming in=no more Dear Prudence), and in return she is supposed to give them useful advice. I don't see a problem with her politely offering additional advice beyond what the writer asked for (e.g., make sure you've thought this through before you make permanent body modifications, especially if you're worried about the reactions of people close to you). But what she did here was use her soapbox to give a condescending lecture from on high about the evils of tattoos, while offering not one smidgen of advice on how to address the tattoo with the parents.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Tea Drinker on May 07, 2013, 05:20:03 PM
How incredibly unhelpful. I know plenty of people who are quite a bit older than me and love their tattoos. But that's not even the point- he wasn't asking for her advice about getting a tattoo, he was asking if he should tell his parents about it, since he knows they don't like tattoos. It was tantamont to telling someone who wanted to know if it was a good idea to bring a new puppy on a family vacation not to get a puppy.

As to that, yes, I think he should mention it to them. That way there's no sudden scandal at the beach when he takes his shirt off and mom spots his ink.

Exactly. Giving an answer different to the one the questioner wants is fine, and is one of the things you risk when you ask for advice. Failing to answer the question at all, and answering a totally different  question to the one which was asked is both sloppy and unhelpful.

It occurs to me that the person might have written to Prudie because he knew she doesn't like tattoos. If you asked me whether to tell your parents about a tattoo, you'd get an answer from the viewpoint of a person who has and likes tattoos. If you asked someone who dislikes tattoos, you might be hoping for an answer that addressed "if someone you cared about had a tattoo, would you want to know about it?"
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Mental Magpie on May 07, 2013, 07:58:20 PM
I just got my 3rd tattoo today, and despite my mother abhorring them, I told her beforehand; that way, it didn't come as a shock to her when I see her in 2 weeks.

There is a difference between offering an alternative and plainly not answering the question.  The first is helpful while the second is not.  The first can be informative, the second is a rude dismissal.  If you don't agree with tattoos, don't answer the question about how to tell someone you have a tattoo with "don't get one!".  All you're saying is the question asker's feeling on the stance doesn't matter.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: VorFemme on May 07, 2013, 10:20:09 PM
I will state categorically that covering your face with blue stars or black squares in a checkerboard pattern is going to raise eyebrows.  Getting leopard spots or tiger stripes over your entire body is going to raise questions about why anyone would want to do that.

But a smaller tattoo, especially one easily covered by shorts and a short sleeved shirt?  Between the artist and themselves - unless there are job restrictions on ink (blood donor, some military, etc.) or you break up with that SO......not your parents' business.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Winterlight on May 08, 2013, 09:49:44 AM
"You may not believe it, but if everything goes right, you will eventually be as old as your parents. Imagine Mom or Dad with a turtle on their clavicle or barbed wire around their biceps."

I've seen my dad every day of my life with paratrooper tats. Amazingly, it has neither dampened my respect for him nor made him a terrible person. It is not an embarrassment, it's part of who he is.

Her advice bites.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: bopper on May 08, 2013, 09:54:41 AM
I really had to agree with her, myself! 
But somewhere in the exchange there was the advice that you don't have to tell them about the tattoo and you don't have to hide it. If you choose to get it then if THEY happen to mention it you go on like it is not something to even discuss.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Slartibartfast on May 08, 2013, 09:55:54 AM
I like Dan Savage's take on it - that every question is hypothetical except to one person.  Yes, that means sometimes he doesn't answer the specific question asked, but often he's addressing something bigger (a mindset that caused the question to be asked in the first place, an unasked question that's more important than the asked one, etc).  People in the comments section often jump on him for not including a specific aspect of an answer, but really, he just doesn't have the time or the space to fully evaluate everyone's situation.

(He also writes a lot more interesting of a column than Emily does, but a lot of that's due to the NSFW subject matter!)
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on May 08, 2013, 11:03:25 AM
"You may not believe it, but if everything goes right, you will eventually be as old as your parents. Imagine Mom or Dad with a turtle on their clavicle or barbed wire around their biceps."

I've seen my dad every day of my life with paratrooper tats. Amazingly, it has neither dampened my respect for him nor made him a terrible person. It is not an embarrassment, it's part of who he is.

Her advice bites.

My folks aren't inked, and in my whole extended family I can think of two people who are inked.  One aunt and one uncle.  The uncle's an idiot and the worst of all the redneck stereotypes but you know, he'd be that way without tattoos.  My godmother (the aunt) is cool and the only one in my family who understands where I'm coming from.  She showed me her ink a few years ago when we were talking about tattoos.  It was cute (a pair of cherries) and well done.

I've also seen ink on people of my parent's generations and the really well done and cared for tattoos still look really good.  My kids thought it was the coolest thing when I came home with my ink and they wanted to show it off to everyone.  :)
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Calistoga on May 08, 2013, 12:12:36 PM
I admit, I'm a bit let down by the consensus in this thread. 

Regarding her not answering the asked question, that's pretty accepted as a response on this board.  Often a poster will ask how to politely say something, and we advise that the better solution is something else entirely (ask the roommate to move out, not go to the party, etc.) 

Regarding the advice to reconsider the tattoo itself, I believe the opinion that tattoos aren't a good idea is just as valid as the opinion that tattoos are a good idea.  Neither opinion has to be right or wrong, and it's OK to have either one.  (What one does with one's opinion is an entirely different matter, of course).

YMMV.

While it's quite common for people to suggest an alternate route that someone could take to deal with a problem, or address the much bigger problem at hand, I don't think I've ever seen posters just completely ignore the question at hand. If Prudie wants to suggest that the OP rethink a tattoo, that's fine...but she also needs to address the ACTUAL issue.

The answer to "I've decided to do this perfectly legitimate thing that my parents happen to not like. Should I let them know I've done it so they aren't surprised, or just keep it to myself?" is much different than "I want to do this thing. Should I?"
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: LadyDyani on May 09, 2013, 12:06:44 PM
I like Dan Savage's take on it - that every question is hypothetical except to one person.  Yes, that means sometimes he doesn't answer the specific question asked, but often he's addressing something bigger (a mindset that caused the question to be asked in the first place, an unasked question that's more important than the asked one, etc).  People in the comments section often jump on him for not including a specific aspect of an answer, but really, he just doesn't have the time or the space to fully evaluate everyone's situation.

(He also writes a lot more interesting of a column than Emily does, but a lot of that's due to the NSFW subject matter!)

Dan Savage is great.  I never miss a column, though I am about 9 episodes behind on the podcast.  He also has fun highlighting Prudie's column and pointing out where she was wrong.  I also get the SLLOTD on my phone.  :-)

As for the tattoo issue.  I didn't tell my parents when I got my tattoo, but they did see it afterwards.  Hard to miss if I wear a sleeveless shirt. Being over a foot wide, they'd have to be blind to miss it.  And no, my dad didn't like it, but I don't live my life according to my dad's wishes.  (If I did, I'm fairly certain hubby and I wouldn't have children.)  I got my tattoo because I wanted it, and it has meaning for me.  My parent's wants didn't enter into the decision.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Allyson on May 09, 2013, 12:49:46 PM
Also, her jumping in to say she doesn't approve of tattoos because Reasons is...not new information. I feel like here, sure, we might say 'instead of figuring out how best to do X, you should do Y instead' because we feel like, maybe the OP has genuinely not considered that point of view. But it's highly unlikely the letter-writer hasn't heard the opinion 'some people hate tattoos and think it will look stupid when you get old' before. It's not helpful, because it's not giving the LW a new perspective. It's just stating one side of a controversy.

It just rings to me of all those people who act as though they're being really unique and transgressive by having 'old fashioned' or 'traditional' values. It's not as though not liking tattoos is a shocking, uncommon thing.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: aiki on May 09, 2013, 05:14:44 PM
"You may not believe it, but if everything goes right, you will eventually be as old as your parents. Imagine Mom or Dad with a turtle on their clavicle or barbed wire around their biceps."

I've seen my dad every day of my life with paratrooper tats. Amazingly, it has neither dampened my respect for him nor made him a terrible person. It is not an embarrassment, it's part of who he is.

Her advice bites.

When I read her rather immature and thoughtless "Old people with tats are gross" opinion, I immediately thought of this project: http://www.kylecassidy.com/warpaint/index.html .
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: LadyDyani on May 09, 2013, 07:10:19 PM
When I read her rather immature and thoughtless "Old people with tats are gross" opinion, I immediately thought of this project: http://www.kylecassidy.com/warpaint/index.html .

Thank you for the link aiki, that is fascinating.  I may buy the book for hubby.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: LadyL on May 09, 2013, 08:02:03 PM
"You may not believe it, but if everything goes right, you will eventually be as old as your parents. Imagine Mom or Dad with a turtle on their clavicle or barbed wire around their biceps."

I've seen my dad every day of my life with paratrooper tats. Amazingly, it has neither dampened my respect for him nor made him a terrible person. It is not an embarrassment, it's part of who he is.

Her advice bites.

When I read her rather immature and thoughtless "Old people with tats are gross" opinion, I immediately thought of this project: http://www.kylecassidy.com/warpaint/index.html .

I love the guy who looks to be in his 70s-80s with his medals tattooed over his heart. Anyone who thinks that's just "wrinkly and gross" is ignoring the meaning tattoos can have for people.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Thipu1 on May 10, 2013, 06:35:45 PM
"You may not believe it, but if everything goes right, you will eventually be as old as your parents. Imagine Mom or Dad with a turtle on their clavicle or barbed wire around their biceps."

I've seen my dad every day of my life with paratrooper tats. Amazingly, it has neither dampened my respect for him nor made him a terrible person. It is not an embarrassment, it's part of who he is.

Her advice bites.

Amen, Winterlight.

Like attitudes about many things, attitudes about tattoos are generational.  In my parent's generation tattoos were only for sailors.  In my generation, tattoos were pretty much limited to bikers and military people.

Today, it's very different and tattoos are far more common. By the time the letter-writer gets old, wrinkly and using a walker, he'll have plenty of tattooed company.  Children, Grandchildren and Great-Grandchildren won't find it at all odd that Grandma has a big butterfly across her shoulders or that Great Grandpa has full sleeves.  That will be seen as just something done in their generation. 

The letter-writer is of age.  If he wants a tattoo, he should get one, or two, or three.  He just has to think about the ink he really wants to live with. 
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: nolechica on May 11, 2013, 05:27:41 AM
My parents aren't thrilled with my ink, but I didn't hide it from them. My sister did for a few years though.  My advice on what the LW should do would vary based on location of tat more than whether LW is male or female. Some areas you'd have to go to further effort to hide, especially this time of year.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Calistoga on May 11, 2013, 04:00:26 PM
I'm just thinking of all the things it used to be "weird" for older people to do- drive themselves places in cars, or wear specific styles of clothing, watch certain shows, listen to certain music... etc. Now it's not even kind of noteworthy if an older lady loves the beatles. Yes, someday that 20 something will be a 60 something... and it will be OK.

It's also rather presumptuous on her part that the LW's parents object to tattoo's because of their age honestly. I'm sure LW parents would love to hear that their opinions are just because they're old fuddy duddies.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Katana_Geldar on May 11, 2013, 06:02:11 PM
I'm just thinking of all the things it used to be "weird" for older people to do- drive themselves places in cars, or wear specific styles of clothing, watch certain shows, listen to certain music... etc. Now it's not even kind of noteworthy if an older lady loves the beatles. Yes, someday that 20 something will be a 60 something... and it will be OK.

DH and I have joked if they ever cart us off o the nursing home, well still be playing D&D.
Title: Re: Dear Prudie on tattoos
Post by: Thipu1 on May 11, 2013, 06:18:53 PM
I'm just thinking of all the things it used to be "weird" for older people to do- drive themselves places in cars, or wear specific styles of clothing, watch certain shows, listen to certain music... etc. Now it's not even kind of noteworthy if an older lady loves the beatles. Yes, someday that 20 something will be a 60 something... and it will be OK.

DH and I have joked if they ever cart us off o the nursing home, well still be playing D&D.

...and you're likely to find enough other D & D players to form a club.

MIL is very traditional.  When we visit her she cautions us to be quiet in the hallways because 'old people do not like loud noises at night'.  I think MIL may be losing her hearing because we can easily
 hear sounds of the Grateful Dead or The Who leaking out from under the closed doors of apartments.