Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: stormyskies on May 07, 2013, 06:16:40 PM

Title: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: stormyskies on May 07, 2013, 06:16:40 PM
This happened today and I’m still reeling/seething. I was on a busy 4-lane arterial road, waiting to turn left into a store parking lot. Another car (I’ll call him First Car) was in front of me, also signaling left. When there was a break in the opposing traffic, First car turned left, and I followed directly behind him. Immediately upon entering the parking lot, First car slowed down to a crawl. I had no idea what First Car was doing. I was now trapped on the road, with opposing traffic rapidly approaching.

Urgently needing to get off the road, I maneuvered around First Car. I continued up to the store (the parking lot entrance is on an incline) and parked. I was frazzled and angry that First Car had apparently stopped dead for no reason. After parking, I sat at the steering wheel for a minute and took a few deep breaths to calm down. That was the end of it...I thought.

As I was at the counter being served, the driver of First Car angrily walked up to confront me. I didn’t catch the first part of what he said, because I had no idea who he was or what he was talking about.

First Car: “(Something…something…something)…patient!” (This is when I realized the loud man was First Car’s driver). Jeez, you almost clipped me!”
Me: Why did you slow down all of a sudden?
First car: Because the driveway’s too steep, so I don’t scrape the (S-word) off the bottom of my car!”
Me: “Sorry, I didn’t expect you to suddenly slow down!”
First Car angrily stormed off. I said an annoyed “Whatever!” to no-one in particular and continued my transaction.

I was too furious at First Car to be meek and polite. First because he blocked the entrance with no warning, and then because he tried to start a fight in the store.

A minute later, I asked the store clerk “Is it normal for people to suddenly slow down when they’re turning into your driveway?”
Clerk: “Well’s it’s a steep incline. Sometimes they do that, depending on the length of the car. I’m sorry that that happened.”
Me: “It’s not your fault. That guy slammed on his brakes.”
I finished the transaction and drove home, making sure that First Car was nowhere in sight. 

I drive a short, small car, so turning into that store’s lot has never been a problem for me.  I now realize that I should wait until other cars are long gone before making a left, but hindsight is 20/20.

First Car was angry at me for going around him, but once I’d turned left I had few options: A: stay on the road and risk getting hit, B: honk at First Car to hurry up, or C: evasive action to get off the road. I chose C. I also wasn’t expecting First Car to angrily berate me inside the store, and didn’t know how to react.

Personally I would NEVER start a confrontation with another driver.  I realize now that it was partly my fault, but I'm still furious at First Car. Even if he’d been “right” on the road, yelling at me in the store was way over the edge. We've all had to avoid people who did silly things on the road, myself included, and my usual response once it’s over is to simply say “Phew. Thank goodness they're gone and nothing happened.” I don’t understand why some people feel the need to seek out and berate the other driver.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: *inviteseller on May 07, 2013, 06:29:12 PM
I think evasive action was your best course of action.  If you sat there waiting for him to poke his way up, then you risk getting t boned, and honking at someone, in the day, aggravates people to the point of road rage, and he already had an attitude.  I don't think you were rude at all..he confronted you, you asked why he slowed down and then said sorry.  He was rude and obviously has to much time on his hands to be able to scout out the store for you to start a confrontation (that you didn't give him).  If we all went looking for the parking lot people who make us mad, we would never get anything done in our lives !
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: SamiHami on May 07, 2013, 06:33:09 PM
Even with a steep incline there is no excuse for coming to an almost complete stop. Take it slow, of course, but I wonder if this guy was like my father in law (a horrible driver his entire life), who would pull into a parking lot-any parking lot-and just sit there, blocking anyone else from entering, while he thought about where he'd like to park. Used to drive (no pun intended!) my DH crazy, and FIL would get angry with us because we flatly refused to ride with him. We would always meet him wherever we were going.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Dazi on May 07, 2013, 06:38:02 PM
While you might have been frustrated by having to wait, depending on where you live and current traffic rules, you were in the wrong where I live.  You should never follow directly behind someone making a turn through opposing traffic.  It is very dangerous to do so as you may not see a rapidly approaching vehicle and risk getting T-boned.

You should also leave enough space and time as not to hit someone or get stuck in a lane in case a vehicle stops suddenly.  You have no way of knowing why a car stops suddenly.  There very well could have been someone that ran out in front of his car and by going around like that, you could have accidentally killed someone.  I've seen a car, bicyclist and a pedestrian hit in similar incidents.

I do think other driver should have kept his mouth shut though.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: JenJay on May 07, 2013, 06:40:12 PM
That's why I always wait until I can clear oncoming traffic before I proceed, be it pulling into a parking lot, crossing an intersection with traffic backed up, etc. I never put myself at risk of being stuck in the way. I occasionally get honked at by the person behind me but I'd rather somebody in a hurry be annoyed than I get hit by oncoming traffic.

He was absolutely rude to confront and yell at you but I think you did create an unsafe situation by not driving defensively. Sorry.  :-\
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: silvercelt on May 07, 2013, 06:45:52 PM
While you might have been frustrated by having to wait, depending on where you live and current traffic rules, you were in the wrong where I live.  You should never follow directly behind someone making a turn through opposing traffic.  It is very dangerous to do so as you may not see a rapidly approaching vehicle and risk getting T-boned.

You should also leave enough space and time as not to hit someone or get stuck in a lane in case a vehicle stops suddenly.  You have no way of knowing why a car stops suddenly.  There very well could have been someone that ran out in front of his car and by going around like that, you could have accidentally killed someone.  I've seen a car, bicyclist and a pedestrian hit in similar incidents.

I do think other driver should have kept his mouth shut though.

I'm going to second all of this.  While the other driver was completely wrong in coming after you for a confrontation, I think you were in the wrong to pull right behind him.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: SiotehCat on May 07, 2013, 06:48:48 PM
While you might have been frustrated by having to wait, depending on where you live and current traffic rules, you were in the wrong where I live.  You should never follow directly behind someone making a turn through opposing traffic.  It is very dangerous to do so as you may not see a rapidly approaching vehicle and risk getting T-boned.

You should also leave enough space and time as not to hit someone or get stuck in a lane in case a vehicle stops suddenly.  You have no way of knowing why a car stops suddenly.  There very well could have been someone that ran out in front of his car and by going around like that, you could have accidentally killed someone.  I've seen a car, bicyclist and a pedestrian hit in similar incidents.

I do think other driver should have kept his mouth shut though.

I'm going to second all of this.  While the other driver was completely wrong in coming after you for a confrontation, I think you were in the wrong to pull right behind him.

I agree.

OP, I think what you did was very dangerous. What if someone had stepped out and was crossing in front of him?
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Sheila Take a Bow on May 07, 2013, 06:54:32 PM
OP, I think what you did was very dangerous. What if someone had stepped out and was crossing in front of him?

I agree.  I've seen a cart (with a child in it) hit by a driver swerving around someone.

However, I think the other driver should not have confronted you, and you would have been best not to try to argue with him or defend yourself.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: WillyNilly on May 07, 2013, 06:58:27 PM
While you might have been frustrated by having to wait, depending on where you live and current traffic rules, you were in the wrong where I live.  You should never follow directly behind someone making a turn through opposing traffic.  It is very dangerous to do so as you may not see a rapidly approaching vehicle and risk getting T-boned.

You should also leave enough space and time as not to hit someone or get stuck in a lane in case a vehicle stops suddenly.  You have no way of knowing why a car stops suddenly.  There very well could have been someone that ran out in front of his car and by going around like that, you could have accidentally killed someone.  I've seen a car, bicyclist and a pedestrian hit in similar incidents.

I do think other driver should have kept his mouth shut though.

I'm going to second all of this.  While the other driver was completely wrong in coming after you for a confrontation, I think you were in the wrong to pull right behind him.

I agree.

OP, I think what you did was very dangerous. What if someone had stepped out and was crossing in front of him?

Sorry to dog pile, but this. In my state I believe its worded that a driver cannot enter an intersection unless they know they can clear it. You assumed the car in front of you would keep going but you didn't know he would. You are supposed to wait until there is A) no oncoming traffic for the left turn and B) the place you are turning into has ample space at that time for your car. You can't just assume there will be space in 2 seconds when you get there.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Otterpop on May 07, 2013, 07:20:52 PM
We have a notorious intersection with quick left-turn arrow and a gas station on the corner.  Always, 1 or 2 cars will slow to a crawl or stop to get into the gas station driveway, leaving a string of cars behind them mid-intersection as the light turns red.  Cue lots of honking.  I've learned, after a few incidents, to avoid that turn at all costs.

OP, just learn from this and don't assume the traffic in front of you will keep flowing.  Other driver shouldn't have confronted you in the store either. 
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Mental Magpie on May 07, 2013, 07:21:20 PM
The OP has already admitted that she understands she shouldn't have done that.  I don't see any point in hashing that out again and again.

OP, I don't know why people do that.  While he was justified in feeling the way he did, acting the way he did bears no excuse.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: bonyk on May 07, 2013, 07:21:32 PM
  I now realize that I should wait until other cars are long gone before making a left, but hindsight is 20/20.

Just wanted to point out that the OP has acknowledged that she was wrong for the way she made the left.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Surianne on May 07, 2013, 07:44:41 PM
I do think you were wrong in this case.  You also probably made the clerk quite uncomfortable by involving him/her in your fight.  Since you were a customer, s/he likely couldn't disagree with you outright -- but I think the answer was very diplomatic!
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: gen xer on May 07, 2013, 08:18:24 PM
I've been that car stuck in the middle of the intersection before  :-[  so nobody knows more than I do about making sure you are able to clear it before proceeding.

Slowing to almost a stop for no discernible reason?  The driver of the first car also has a responsibility to maintain the flow of traffic.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: LifeOnPluto on May 07, 2013, 10:32:17 PM
The OP has already admitted that she understands she shouldn't have done that.  I don't see any point in hashing that out again and again.

OP, I don't know why people do that.  While he was justified in feeling the way he did, acting the way he did bears no excuse.

I agree. Even if the OP did something heinous on the road, there is absolutely no excuse for the man to have confronted her in the store. If he had a problem with the OP's driving, the correct thing to do would be to note her license plate details and report the incident to the police (or local traffic authority, or whoever).

OP, I think your response was fine. I will add though, that if the man hadn't gone away, you would have been fine in getting the store involved, and asking them to call security, etc.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: DottyG on May 08, 2013, 12:44:03 AM
Quote
While you might have been frustrated by having to wait, depending on where you live and current traffic rules, you were in the wrong where I live.  You should never follow directly behind someone making a turn through opposing traffic.  It is very dangerous to do so as you may not see a rapidly approaching vehicle and risk getting T-boned.

You should also leave enough space and time as not to hit someone or get stuck in a lane in case a vehicle stops suddenly.  You have no way of knowing why a car stops suddenly.  There very well could have been someone that ran out in front of his car and by going around like that, you could have accidentally killed someone.  I've seen a car, bicyclist and a pedestrian hit in similar incidents.

I realize the OP has acknowledged she made a mistake. But I have to say that her story does give me chills. What she did was very dangerous, and I'm glad she was ok. I really do hope you're able to see the above posts as they're intended, I'm sure - to caution you that this really was a serious mistake. Please be careful and don't do it again. Wait for other cars to completely clear the entrance before you start turning.

And I agree with the others that he should not have confronted you in the store. In a way, he was taking a chance that you weren't someone that would escalate things because he did that. Almost a reverse "don't engage the crazy." You're not crazy. But he took a chance on that and was lucky you weren't.  Some people would have gotten angry and possibly done something back.

Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Slartibartfast on May 08, 2013, 02:39:10 AM
I will say, the "don't follow too closely" also depends a lot on where you live.  In some larger cities, NOT following the car ahead of you would result in you getting rear-ended from the driver behind you who assumed all three of you would be able to make the turn  :-\  You should always try to ensure you won't get stuck sitting in an intersection, of course, but in heavy traffic there's always a risk of that happening - and departing from the driving style the other people on the road expect can mean putting yourself in danger as well.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Curious Cat on May 08, 2013, 06:48:36 AM
I do think you were wrong in this case.  You also probably made the clerk quite uncomfortable by involving him/her in your fight.  Since you were a customer, s/he likely couldn't disagree with you outright -- but I think the answer was very diplomatic!

I agree - that poor cashier was really caught between a Rick and a hard place
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Deetee on May 08, 2013, 06:56:53 AM
If it was not turning into a parking lot then following closely would be prudent thing to do. If the driver in front is turning onto a road and you have a good view that there are no obstructions that I'd the only thing to do if you don't want to get honked at.
This was tricky as it looked like it would be a clear shot. I couldn't say I wouldn't make the same mistake. I actually think that first driver should find another entrance if at all possible as his actions were also dangerous.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: ashleyw34 on May 08, 2013, 07:01:53 AM
I had another driver confront me yesterday and I know it feels ... unpleasant. Hope you are feeling better OP.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Zilla on May 08, 2013, 08:00:51 AM
I live in a hilly area and used to smaller cars (with gas prices now, they are numerous) stopping to get on the hilly portion slowly.  As you acknowledged, you were in the wrong to follow him so closely unless the light was a green arrow. (which is wasn't since you were worried about oncoming cars)  But what he did was worse.  He shouldn't have confronted you like that.



Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: gen xer on May 08, 2013, 09:50:41 AM

That guy was a total jerk for confronting OP especially when he had some fault in the matter.  Yes I know you have to slow down so the undercarriage of the car doesn't scrape on the ground ( a most awful sound ) but you don't grind to a near halt when there are cars following you trying to make the turn.

Sometimes you're put in a predicament where you are forced to make a split second decision without the luxury of any time to consider the options.  I probably would have done the same thing rather than be a sitting duck as oncoming traffic bore down.

Like I said before I am really careful now about making sure I can clear the intersection or turn since I have been in the same situation ( very sweat inducing ) but the first driver bears some responsibility for impeding traffic the way he did and to confront the OP was extremely rude.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Bookgirl on May 08, 2013, 12:50:47 PM
I was confronted by another driver last year and it stills makes me feel all funny.  He drove past me in a parking lot and I turned left into the parking spot he had just driven past.  He stopped his truck, got out and started yelling at me that he was going to back into the spot I had just pulled into and I should have known that!  It was very disconcerting and in the moment, you really don't know how to handle it.  I saw him and his wife in the store a little later and quickly ducked down another isle. 

I'm sorry he did that to you OP! 
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Hmmmmm on May 08, 2013, 01:45:38 PM
In my city, we see what the OP did often. If your trying to cross a 4 lane street in heavy traffic you take advantage of an opening. And the general expectation is that the first driver will continue moving forward, not stop. Sort of like an escalator. You don't expect the person in front of you to stop when then get off to decide which way to turn. You expect them to realize other people are getting off behind them and they need to get out of the way.

But every few years, I need to have a problem to remind me not everyone follows the general guidelines. Last month I was entering a large parking center. Once you enter, you can go straight, right or left. The woman in front of me turned left into the center and then stopped and started looking around and I could tell she was trying to decide which way to go. Thankfully, no one was approaching in the right hand lane since my bumper was hanging out in the street. But I was irritated she thought the best time to decide which way to go was once she was blocking the entrance.

The guy was very rude for tracking you down.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: DottyG on May 08, 2013, 02:16:20 PM
Quote
In my city, we see what the OP did often. If your trying to cross a 4 lane street in heavy traffic you take advantage of an opening. And the general expectation is that the first driver will continue moving forward, not stop. Sort of like an escalator. You don't expect the person in front of you to stop when then get off to decide which way to turn. You expect them to realize other people are getting off behind them and they need to get out of the way.

I think the number one rule that every new driver should be taught is "always assume the other drivers around you are complete idiots."  If you drive with the understanding that the person in the other car is going to do something unexpected and possibly dangerous, you can be a more defensive driver.  You need to always be aware of those around you and plan for what you'll do when they do something weird and unexpected.

(As a followup to that, I'm not immune to forgetting my rule as well.  About a week or so ago, I was about to go through a green light.  A car coming the other way decided to turn in front of me (light just turned, but it was red for him).  We almost had an accident.  I should have been thinking ahead and realizing that someone might decide to turn on the red.  And I should have noticed him sooner.  Fortunately, I must have an amazing guardian angel that protected me from hitting him.  I came so close.)
 
 
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Otterpop on May 08, 2013, 02:21:34 PM
I was confronted by another driver last year and it stills makes me feel all funny.  He drove past me in a parking lot and I turned left into the parking spot he had just driven past.  He stopped his truck, got out and started yelling at me that he was going to back into the spot I had just pulled into and I should have known that!  It was very disconcerting and in the moment, you really don't know how to handle it.  I saw him and his wife in the store a little later and quickly ducked down another isle. 

I'm sorry he did that to you OP!

I had a guy do this just yesterday, he wanted to back into a driveway he'd just passed.  He stopped dead in front of me on a residential street then started backing into me, yelling out the window.  I just backed up then drove by looking astounded.  He pulled up alongside me in traffic a few minutes later (must have just wanted to make a 3 point turn?) still yelling.  I did not look over but pulled out my iPhone, leaned it on the steering wheel with the lens pointing at him.  I was just about to start recording when he took off.  Strangest encounter I've had in a very long time.  I never said a word the entire time, but I was thinking of this thread... :o
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: peach2play on May 08, 2013, 06:54:25 PM
IMHO the other driver wasn't rude.  He had every right to slow down, you made two unsafe decisions, and then when your bad behavior was called to attention, you tried to make yourself the victim instead of taking responsibility and apologizing to him.  "Sorry but" is not an apology.  You were unsafe, and then rude.  He didn't even cuss you out which shows a lot of restraint on his part.  If you've done something wrong that impacts someone else, you apologize not JADE.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Mental Magpie on May 08, 2013, 06:56:07 PM
IMHO the other driver wasn't rude.  He had every right to slow down, you made two unsafe decisions, and then when your bad behavior was called to attention, you tried to make yourself the victim instead of taking responsibility and apologizing to him.  "Sorry but" is not an apology.  You were unsafe, and then rude.  He didn't even cuss you out which shows a lot of restraint on his part.  If you've done something wrong that impacts someone else, you apologize not JADE.

Really?  You think it's perfectly polite to approach a complete stranger in a store for that person having driven around you?
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: peach2play on May 08, 2013, 07:26:26 PM
There is a very big difference between going around a turning driver on a two lane road with plenty of room on the shoulder then having to make an emergency move in a parking lot because the OP didn't plan well.  She endangered a great deal of people with her move and the what ifs are endless.  Just because she couldn't see something in the way doesn't mean it didn't exist and she would have had no time to react because she was trying to get out of the way herself. 

I will absolutely politely confront someone about their driving behavior when it endangers myself and others.  I've had enough of my friends killed because of the stupidity of others.  He asked her to have some patience and simply said, "Jeeze, you almost clipped me."  He didn't yell at her, he didn't use extreme profanity, he simply asked her to have some patience and to pay more attention.  Not wrong.  If the roles were reversed, I'll bet we'd be congratulating her on having a shiny spine. 

The OP didn't even really think she had made a mistake until it was pointed out to her here.  Now, she'll probably never make the same mistake again.  He made an impact and that's why I speak up.  If me speaking up makes the other driver uncomfortable but a more aware and a safer driver, why is that wrong?  People get away with bad behavior all the time because no one speaks up.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: White Lotus on May 08, 2013, 07:40:44 PM
Anybody been to LA recently?  As Slartibartfast pointed out, there are places where multiple cars normally and routinely scoot through openings.  Everybody knows that happens, and the first driver in the chain would never dream of stopping like that.  Their traffic customs terrify me, but they seem to work for the people who live there, and if you drive there, you'd better learn them.  Cut the OP a break.  The first driver should have been watching his mirror and proceeded up the ramp as quickly as he could and kept his snit fit to himself.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Mental Magpie on May 08, 2013, 08:08:22 PM
There is a very big difference between going around a turning driver on a two lane road with plenty of room on the shoulder then having to make an emergency move in a parking lot because the OP didn't plan well.  She endangered a great deal of people with her move and the what ifs are endless.  Just because she couldn't see something in the way doesn't mean it didn't exist and she would have had no time to react because she was trying to get out of the way herself. 

I will absolutely politely confront someone about their driving behavior when it endangers myself and others.  I've had enough of my friends killed because of the stupidity of others.  He asked her to have some patience and simply said, "Jeeze, you almost clipped me."  He didn't yell at her, he didn't use extreme profanity, he simply asked her to have some patience and to pay more attention.  Not wrong.  If the roles were reversed, I'll bet we'd be congratulating her on having a shiny spine. 

The OP didn't even really think she had made a mistake until it was pointed out to her here.  Now, she'll probably never make the same mistake again.  He made an impact and that's why I speak up.  If me speaking up makes the other driver uncomfortable but a more aware and a safer driver, why is that wrong?  People get away with bad behavior all the time because no one speaks up.

No, the OP quite plainly stated in her un-edited original post that she realized she was wrong.  It didn't have to be pointed out to her here that what she did was not the brightest.


I also don't think people here would be congratulating her for a shiny spine, they'd be telling her she was lucky she hadn't "engaged the crazy".  Further, it is rude to point out when others are being rude and it is rude to scold another adult, which is what this man did.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: gen xer on May 08, 2013, 08:16:53 PM
 The OP was between a rock and hard place because if she hadn't taken advantage of the break in traffic then the road rage from everyone stuck behind her would have started.  You have to be able to drive with some expectation of reasonable driving behaviour from others.  Expecting someone not to stop where they are impeding traffic is not unreasonable.
 
We are taught we need to drive defensively, be aware, expect the unexpected and to a point that is a good thing....but it is possible to become literally paralyzed with what-ifs.  You go from being a defensive driver to a timid, indecisive driver who are their own special kind of dangerous.  What if someone runs in front?  What if someone turns when they aren't supposed to?  I could go on and on but you get the idea.

Those timid types often think that they are the safe ones and then have the nerve to berate someone?

Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: WillyNilly on May 08, 2013, 08:23:12 PM
The guy didn't "stop" the OP says "Immediately upon entering the parking lot, First car slowed down to a crawl". Even in their verbal exchange she didn't say "why did you stop?" she asked why he "slowed".

Surely the incline of the entrance ramp can be seen. The OP should have looked at where she was turning into before turning, or if she couldn't see it, be ready to expect anything. Just because her car is small and the incline isn't an issue, its really not news larger, lower cars will scrape transitioning from a flat road to a steep incline - the slowing should not have been such a shock.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: jaxsue on May 08, 2013, 08:35:44 PM
Anybody been to LA recently?  As Slartibartfast pointed out, there are places where multiple cars normally and routinely scoot through openings.  Everybody knows that happens, and the first driver in the chain would never dream of stopping like that.  Their traffic customs terrify me, but they seem to work for the people who live there, and if you drive there, you'd better learn them.  Cut the OP a break.  The first driver should have been watching his mirror and proceeded up the ramp as quickly as he could and kept his snit fit to himself.

I love in NJ, not far from NYC. It's like that here. I am a capable driver (no accidents ot tickets), but if you don't take advantage of openings in traffic you will be yelled at, flipped off, and perhaps rear-ended. When it comes to traffic congestion, I sometimes envy people who live in less-populated places.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: JoieGirl7 on May 08, 2013, 09:53:21 PM
As far as what he did in the traffic, I don't think the guy did anything wrong.  He has the right to slow to a crawl if he doesn't think he will safely get up the ramp otherwise.

He should not have confronted a stranger in the store afterwards.  That was not only rude but stupid.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: LifeOnPluto on May 08, 2013, 10:05:21 PM
There is a very big difference between going around a turning driver on a two lane road with plenty of room on the shoulder then having to make an emergency move in a parking lot because the OP didn't plan well.  She endangered a great deal of people with her move and the what ifs are endless.  Just because she couldn't see something in the way doesn't mean it didn't exist and she would have had no time to react because she was trying to get out of the way herself. 

I will absolutely politely confront someone about their driving behavior when it endangers myself and others.  I've had enough of my friends killed because of the stupidity of others.  He asked her to have some patience and simply said, "Jeeze, you almost clipped me."  He didn't yell at her, he didn't use extreme profanity, he simply asked her to have some patience and to pay more attention.  Not wrong.  If the roles were reversed, I'll bet we'd be congratulating her on having a shiny spine

The OP didn't even really think she had made a mistake until it was pointed out to her here.  Now, she'll probably never make the same mistake again.  He made an impact and that's why I speak up.  If me speaking up makes the other driver uncomfortable but a more aware and a safer driver, why is that wrong?  People get away with bad behavior all the time because no one speaks up.


If the roles were reversed, I suspect people would be telling the OP that (1) she should try to be more aware of cars behind her; and (b) she was absolutely in the wrong for confronting the driver in the store.

Also, the OP has acknowledged in her first post that she made a mistake. To answer your question as to why "speaking up" is wrong, I think it's because it's not your job to do so. If you have a problem with another person's driving, the correct thing to do it to report it to the appropriate authority (eg the police or sheriff, etc). Also, I don't think most people would be "uncomfortable, but a more aware and safer driver". I think the vast majority of people would be offended over being confronted like that by some random person, and wouldn't change their behaviour at all.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: Twik on May 08, 2013, 10:15:11 PM
I will absolutely politely confront someone about their driving behavior when it endangers myself and others.  I've had enough of my friends killed because of the stupidity of others.  He asked her to have some patience and simply said, "Jeeze, you almost clipped me."  He didn't yell at her, he didn't use extreme profanity, he simply asked her to have some patience and to pay more attention.  Not wrong.  If the roles were reversed, I'll bet we'd be congratulating her on having a shiny spine. 

The OP didn't even really think she had made a mistake until it was pointed out to her here.  Now, she'll probably never make the same mistake again.  He made an impact and that's why I speak up.  If me speaking up makes the other driver uncomfortable but a more aware and a safer driver, why is that wrong?  People get away with bad behavior all the time because no one speaks up.

First of all, there's no way to "politely confront" someone to tell them that they made a mistake. It will *always* turn into a "what the heck were you THINKING?!?!" encounter, which is never polite.

Second, I was once "confronted" by an elderly couple regarding a mistake I'd made (yes, I'd cut them off - in my defense, it was in the middle of a blizzard in a city I'd never driven in, and I had no idea where the lane markers were under six inches of drift.) As they yelled at me, after following me into a parking lot, all I could think of was, "You people are crazy. What if I were armed and unstable, and took offence to your badgering? You'd be in a lot more trouble than being cut off in bad weather."
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: wolfie on May 08, 2013, 11:02:12 PM
Anybody been to LA recently?  As Slartibartfast pointed out, there are places where multiple cars normally and routinely scoot through openings.  Everybody knows that happens, and the first driver in the chain would never dream of stopping like that.  Their traffic customs terrify me, but they seem to work for the people who live there, and if you drive there, you'd better learn them.  Cut the OP a break.  The first driver should have been watching his mirror and proceeded up the ramp as quickly as he could and kept his snit fit to himself.

It is my understanding that whn you are driving you are supposed to be watching the people in front of you and let the people behind you take care of themselves. Yes you should be aware of other cars around you, but there is a reason that a rear-end accident is always the fault of the person who does the rear ending.
Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: DottyG on May 09, 2013, 01:17:26 AM
Quote
It is my understanding that whn you are driving you are supposed to be watching the people in front of you and let the people behind you take care of themselves. Yes you should be aware of other cars around you, but there is a reason that a rear-end accident is always the fault of the person who does the rear ending.

I agree with this 110%.

Title: Re: Gulp. Confronted by angry driver in a store.
Post by: cass2591 on May 09, 2013, 01:50:47 AM
This thread has become redundant and therefore locked.