Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Family and Children => Topic started by: Visiting Crazy Town on May 21, 2013, 12:13:35 PM

Title: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on May 21, 2013, 12:13:35 PM
 I came across this article and for the most part I thought it was funny but # 10 makes me wonder if the father of  the little boy was rude to send out the letter and request that  his son get the toy for Halloween .  I don;t actually think he's rude I thought it was kind of sweet but I would be interested in hearing other's opinions. 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/people-who-are-really-nailing-this-parenting-thing
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Moray on May 21, 2013, 12:20:44 PM
I don't think it's rude, but he might be better off going door to door in person. If for no other reason than to give them a face to remember.

I hope several of their neighbors were willing to help out. It sounds like the dad is really trying to keep things as "normal" for Fletcher as possible.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Sharnita on May 21, 2013, 12:24:45 PM
Not sure. It kind of assumes people will be home and participating, doesn't it? I am also thinking there is a likelihood of more than one kid dressed as an angry bird so you would still have to ask for names. Then a kid  getting candy might see the toy and reqiest one...
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: stitchygreyanonymouse on May 21, 2013, 12:29:26 PM
I think overall the idea is okay. I do think it was asking too much for them to call him so he could retrieve the toy if they arenít going to be handing out candy. I agree with Moray that door-to-door might have been better, with the bonus of him being able to check if they are participating.

I guess itís a nice idea with too many logistical issues that could turn it bad very quickly.

Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: BeagleMommy on May 21, 2013, 12:29:39 PM
I think this is incredibly sweet.  Fletcher's dad isn't asking anyone to go out and buy special treats for Fletcher - he's providing them himself.  Fletcher gets to enjoy himself with his friends, but doesn't feel "singled out" as "the kid who can't get candy".  This is a good daddy.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: wolfie on May 21, 2013, 12:31:56 PM
Not sure. It kind of assumes people will be home and participating, doesn't it? I am also thinking there is a likelihood of more than one kid dressed as an angry bird so you would still have to ask for names. Then a kid  getting candy might see the toy and reqiest one...

It does state that if you aren't going to be participating to call and that he will introduce himself.

I think it is kinda sweet and would definitely go along with it. About other kids seeing it... didn't think of that
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Sharnita on May 21, 2013, 12:37:03 PM
But that is also participation in a way. I think he is a loving dad but if somebody else has their own stuff going on or their own feelings about the holiday the shouldn't feel obligated to call him, kwim?
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: m2kbug on May 21, 2013, 12:37:58 PM
I think it's really sweet and the parents provided the toy and didn't ask that neighbors go do anything special, spend extra money, or whatnot.

Not sure. It kind of assumes people will be home and participating, doesn't it? I am also thinking there is a likelihood of more than one kid dressed as an angry bird so you would still have to ask for names. Then a kid  getting candy might see the toy and reqiest one...

I guess it would be a chance one would have to take.  I don't know how the trick-or-treat works in your neighborhood.  We have a TON of kids and lots of trick-or-treaters.  Granted, there are people who are not home or do not participate, but for me, the hit and miss would be workable and probably successful.  I would probably be able to talk face-to-face with a lot of the parents on the street.  My elementary school is walking distance, so there's a fair amount of parental interaction.  I could see this being successful in my area, but yes, there are logistical issues.   :) 

I don't see the toy vs candy being an issue.  Nobody really sees what ends up in the bag and I think they would prefer the candy.  One year we had a lady handing out full sized candy bars.  The thrill!!
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: thedudeabides on May 21, 2013, 12:38:22 PM
I would gladly help out with a request like that, but I love Halloween and trick-or-treating. I do think delivering them in person would be nice so people can just decline then, but maybe he didn't want them to feel pressured to give an immediate answer? I know my girlfriend would feel more like she could say no easier if she could think on it for a while instead of feeling the need to give an answer right then.

And I have to say I love the baby/dad Halloween costume on the list.

Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Perfect Circle on May 21, 2013, 12:41:38 PM
I would gladly help out with a request like that, but I love Halloween and trick-or-treating. I do think delivering them in person would be nice so people can just decline then, but maybe he didn't want them to feel pressured to give an immediate answer? I know my girlfriend would feel more like she could say no easier if she could think on it for a while instead of feeling the need to give an answer right then.

And I have to say I love the baby/dad Halloween costume on the list.

I completely agree with the sentiment. We don't really do Halloween much here, but if we did, I'd be more than happy to help this man and his son to have a great experience on the day.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: DottyG on May 21, 2013, 01:20:03 PM
I think it's wonderful.  And I'd be more than happy to help out if I were one of the neighbors.

And some of those had me, literally, laughing out loud! :D

Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: mime on May 21, 2013, 01:22:18 PM
If I got one of those notes, I'd think the dad was doing what he could, in a way that requires very little of me to help his son have a 'normal' experience. I'd be happy to help.

It is much harder when, on-the-spot, I've been asked for non-candy for a child (I've scrambled to pull out a novelty pencil or eraser from my son's stash), or for something gluten-free. I like that the dad is preparing his neighbors to help him out at no cost and hardly any inconvenience to them.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: CakeBeret on May 21, 2013, 01:37:37 PM
If I got one of those notes, I'd think the dad was doing what he could, in a way that requires very little of me to help his son have a 'normal' experience. I'd be happy to help.

It is much harder when, on-the-spot, I've been asked for non-candy for a child (I've scrambled to pull out a novelty pencil or eraser from my son's stash), or for something gluten-free. I like that the dad is preparing his neighbors to help him out at no cost and hardly any inconvenience to them.

This. I think he sounds like an awesome dad, and he made an effort to be as non-obtrusive as possible. I enjoy handing out candy on halloween and would have no problem helping this dad out.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: SPuck on May 21, 2013, 01:38:38 PM
It's not like he is expecting people to go out and but toys either. In the letter it says he attached them so I don't see anything over the top wrong with this situation.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Calistoga on May 21, 2013, 01:40:41 PM
I don't think it was rude. He was doing everything he could to make this the least bit of a hassle possible. When I first read the thread I thought he was asking people to provide their own toys- THAT would have been rude.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: cicero on May 21, 2013, 01:41:01 PM
I think it's sweet and lovely. It's easy enough for those who don't want to participate to simply not participate. it looks like the toys are inexpenisve little toys - worst case scenario, just toss them. and for those who are giving out candy anyway, they can give the toy to the little boy.

IT's very hard for parents of kids who are on special diets to celebrate holidays like halloween that are so candy-focused. this is a great way for the child to take part without compromising his diet.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Hmmmmm on May 21, 2013, 01:49:41 PM
Not sure. It kind of assumes people will be home and participating, doesn't it? I am also thinking there is a likelihood of more than one kid dressed as an angry bird so you would still have to ask for names. Then a kid  getting candy might see the toy and reqiest one...

The dad says that Flectcher will be introducing himself as he goes to each house so the homeowner won't need to ask.

The dad also says that if you aren't planning to participate then to call him and he'd come pick up the toy, but if a neighbor doesn't want to call, I'm sure he's not going to get bent out of shape if you toss the trinket.

I thought the dad did a good job trying to cover all the basis on why someone would be upset about his request and to make is easy on his neighbors.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: magicdomino on May 21, 2013, 02:03:55 PM
I like it.  I keep a few toys around in case someone can't have candy for whatever reason, although I've never been asked.

Regarding #3 with the laser light.  That one made me grin.  When I was very little, my mother had a blouse decorated with a few rhinestones.  If she stood in the sunlight just right, little round rainbows would appear on the way.  Man, I loved those little rainbows.   :D
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: snowdragon on May 21, 2013, 02:18:06 PM


The dad also says that if you aren't planning to participate then to call him and he'd come pick up the toy, but if a neighbor doesn't want to call, I'm sure he's not going to get bent out of shape if you toss the trinket.



It would be more contact with the neighbor than I want.  And if you have to call him then you have to be home to meet this total stranger, I really don't want that.  I notice he does not say that they can come to HIS house to drop it off, tho' - I would be able to that late at night when there was NO chance of meeting him. 

Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Moray on May 21, 2013, 02:22:23 PM


The dad also says that if you aren't planning to participate then to call him and he'd come pick up the toy, but if a neighbor doesn't want to call, I'm sure he's not going to get bent out of shape if you toss the trinket.



It would be more contact with the neighbor than I want.  And if you have to call him then you have to be home to meet this total stranger, I really don't want that.  I notice he does not say that they can come to HIS house to drop it off, tho' - I would be able to that late at night when there was NO chance of meeting him.

In that case, you're free to dump it in the trash. You don't "have' to do anything, but if you "want to", the Dad has provided his contact information. The bolded almost makes it sound like you're ascribing some sort of malicious or predatory intent to this guy who just wants his son to have a normal Halloween experience.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: DottyG on May 21, 2013, 02:28:25 PM


The dad also says that if you aren't planning to participate then to call him and he'd come pick up the toy, but if a neighbor doesn't want to call, I'm sure he's not going to get bent out of shape if you toss the trinket.



It would be more contact with the neighbor than I want.  And if you have to call him then you have to be home to meet this total stranger, I really don't want that.  I notice he does not say that they can come to HIS house to drop it off, tho' - I would be able to that late at night when there was NO chance of meeting him. 



I would imagine he'd be agreeable for you to come by and drop it in his mailslot.  I think he was probably trying to think of the easiest way for the neighbor to return it.  The way he's written that letter, I suspect he's a reasonable sort of person who would do whatever the neighbor felt was best - including just throwing the trinket away without any contact with him.

Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: snowdragon on May 21, 2013, 02:31:03 PM


The dad also says that if you aren't planning to participate then to call him and he'd come pick up the toy, but if a neighbor doesn't want to call, I'm sure he's not going to get bent out of shape if you toss the trinket.



It would be more contact with the neighbor than I want.  And if you have to call him then you have to be home to meet this total stranger, I really don't want that.  I notice he does not say that they can come to HIS house to drop it off, tho' - I would be able to that late at night when there was NO chance of meeting him.

In that case, you're free to dump it in the trash. You don't "have' to do anything, but if you "want to", the Dad has provided his contact information. The bolded almost makes it sound like you're ascribing some sort of malicious or predatory intent to this guy who just wants his son to have a normal Halloween experience.


    I would not trust a guy I don't know to come to my house.  The entire thing would creep me out entirely.  Nowhere in the letter does he say you can toss the toy. I would think that if you don't return it they will be expecting you be participating ( as in only going to house that did not return it) .  So keeping it would be wrong - and setting the kid up to think this was a house he'd get a toy at, when that was not so.
   
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Hillia on May 21, 2013, 02:36:25 PM
The dad seems like a reasonable guy, so I imagine he would respect the porch light indicator that you aren't participating in Halloween - I doubt he's going to stand there banging on your door demanding Fletcher's 59 cent trinket.  And I doubt that he's maintaining a master list of addresses that he sent the letter to, just the ones that told him they didn't want to participate, so he can definitely know to skip those houses and relieve the householder of the bit of plastic.  I think it's a great example of a parent taking the responsibility for their child's issues, not expecting the rest of the world to accommodate them.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Perfect Circle on May 21, 2013, 02:38:21 PM
The dad seems like a reasonable guy, so I imagine he would respect the porch light indicator that you aren't participating in Halloween - I doubt he's going to stand there banging on your door demanding Fletcher's 59 cent trinket.  And I doubt that he's maintaining a master list of addresses that he sent the letter to, just the ones that told him they didn't want to participate, so he can definitely know to skip those houses and relieve the householder of the bit of plastic.  I think it's a great example of a parent taking the responsibility for their child's issues, not expecting the rest of the world to accommodate them.

I completely agree with this.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Moray on May 21, 2013, 02:41:26 PM
The dad seems like a reasonable guy, so I imagine he would respect the porch light indicator that you aren't participating in Halloween - I doubt he's going to stand there banging on your door demanding Fletcher's 59 cent trinket.  And I doubt that he's maintaining a master list of addresses that he sent the letter to, just the ones that told him they didn't want to participate, so he can definitely know to skip those houses and relieve the householder of the bit of plastic.  I think it's a great example of a parent taking the responsibility for their child's issues, not expecting the rest of the world to accommodate them.

I completely agree with this.

Ditto
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: MommyPenguin on May 21, 2013, 02:41:47 PM
What I would do, if I were the father, would be to go door to door with the toy, explain to the adults, and see what they thought.  If they weren't going to participate or be home, then move on.  If they were gonna be home but seemed hesitant, didn't want to deal with it, then move on.  If they *were* willing, then give them the toy, and write down that address.  Then later, when trick-or-treating with his son, go only to the houses with addresses on his list, and have his son introduce himself.  That way, only houses who have agreed to participate have a toy to begin with.  There's no need to return the toy, there's no feeling guilted into it if somebody just doesn't want the trouble, or if the person who will be giving out candy won't be available until the last minute and there won't be time to explain it to them, etc.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Hmmmmm on May 21, 2013, 02:49:48 PM
The dad seems like a reasonable guy, so I imagine he would respect the porch light indicator that you aren't participating in Halloween - I doubt he's going to stand there banging on your door demanding Fletcher's 59 cent trinket.  And I doubt that he's maintaining a master list of addresses that he sent the letter to, just the ones that told him they didn't want to participate, so he can definitely know to skip those houses and relieve the householder of the bit of plastic.  I think it's a great example of a parent taking the responsibility for their child's issues, not expecting the rest of the world to accommodate them.

I completely agree with this.

And even if you are handing out candy but don't want to participate in giving the toy, he doesn't sound like the type of guy who would make a scene. If you put a piece of candy in his son's bag, he sounds like the type who'd politely say thanks, move on, then remind his 8 yr old son that he can't have the candy. I just don't see where this guy is out to make trouble with his neighbors.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: DottyG on May 21, 2013, 02:53:56 PM
What I would do, if I were the father, would be to go door to door with the toy, explain to the adults, and see what they thought.  If they weren't going to participate or be home, then move on.  If they were gonna be home but seemed hesitant, didn't want to deal with it, then move on.  If they *were* willing, then give them the toy, and write down that address.  Then later, when trick-or-treating with his son, go only to the houses with addresses on his list, and have his son introduce himself.  That way, only houses who have agreed to participate have a toy to begin with.  There's no need to return the toy, there's no feeling guilted into it if somebody just doesn't want the trouble, or if the person who will be giving out candy won't be available until the last minute and there won't be time to explain it to them, etc.

That's a possibility, too.  However, that seems like more trouble than what he actually did.  Plus, it doesn't remedy snowdragon's concern.  I think sending out a generic "here's something you can do to help my child - take it or leave it" type of thing like he did was easiest for all involved.

The usual "I'm not doing Halloween" signal is the porch light.  I find that that's pretty standard amongst trick-or-treaters to not go to one with the light off.  Just something you know when you go out.

And, again, with the way the letter is written, I think this is a reasonable father who is just trying to make things as easy as possible.  He's not giving hard and fast rules - he's just giving some alternatives if you don't wish to participate.  If it's easier for you to just run by after dark and slip the toy back into his mailslot, I don't get the impression he'd mind.  He probably didn't mention that because, in his mind, it seemed like more work for the person.  He was offering to do all the work himself to make it simple for the other people.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: m2kbug on May 21, 2013, 02:55:43 PM
The dad seems like a reasonable guy, so I imagine he would respect the porch light indicator that you aren't participating in Halloween - I doubt he's going to stand there banging on your door demanding Fletcher's 59 cent trinket.  And I doubt that he's maintaining a master list of addresses that he sent the letter to, just the ones that told him they didn't want to participate, so he can definitely know to skip those houses and relieve the householder of the bit of plastic.  I think it's a great example of a parent taking the responsibility for their child's issues, not expecting the rest of the world to accommodate them.

I completely agree with this.

I agree too.  I think Fletcher's dad is taking some chances that some of his trinkets will hit the trash and isn't really expecting anyone to jump through special hoops.  If you really wanted to make sure the toy was returned, but did not wish to give up your address, he left a number, and I'm guessing he would be more than happy to provide his address, so someone could drop it off, even leaving it on the porch with no personal contact.  He's not expecting anyone to do any footwork, which is why he offered to pick it up, and certainly you could leave the trinket on the porch.  Or toss it.  Your level of participation is entirely up to you. 
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: CakeBeret on May 21, 2013, 03:12:50 PM
The dad seems like a reasonable guy, so I imagine he would respect the porch light indicator that you aren't participating in Halloween - I doubt he's going to stand there banging on your door demanding Fletcher's 59 cent trinket.  And I doubt that he's maintaining a master list of addresses that he sent the letter to, just the ones that told him they didn't want to participate, so he can definitely know to skip those houses and relieve the householder of the bit of plastic.  I think it's a great example of a parent taking the responsibility for their child's issues, not expecting the rest of the world to accommodate them.

I completely agree with this.

Ditto

Yup.

I'm the sort who hates being roped into participating in others' lives, but this is about as non-intrusive as it gets. Could he have fleshed out more ways for returning the toy, or given the recipient explicit permission to bin it? Sure. But honestly, no one's perfect and IMO this guy did a stand-up job of handling the situation.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: KenveeB on May 21, 2013, 03:28:44 PM
I was prepared to dislike the idea, but when I read the note, I thought it was sweet. This is a kid with a medical condition whose parents are trying to let him have some normal childhood experiences without putting the neighbors to a lot of hassle. I would absolutely participate in this, and would probably try to have something extra for Fletcher as well. I usually give out some kind of little toy or stickers along with candy, so I'd happily give that to Fletcher along with his dad's toy.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Moray on May 21, 2013, 03:35:11 PM


The dad also says that if you aren't planning to participate then to call him and he'd come pick up the toy, but if a neighbor doesn't want to call, I'm sure he's not going to get bent out of shape if you toss the trinket.



It would be more contact with the neighbor than I want.  And if you have to call him then you have to be home to meet this total stranger, I really don't want that.  I notice he does not say that they can come to HIS house to drop it off, tho' - I would be able to that late at night when there was NO chance of meeting him.

In that case, you're free to dump it in the trash. You don't "have' to do anything, but if you "want to", the Dad has provided his contact information. The bolded almost makes it sound like you're ascribing some sort of malicious or predatory intent to this guy who just wants his son to have a normal Halloween experience.


    I would not trust a guy I don't know to come to my house.  The entire thing would creep me out entirely.  Nowhere in the letter does he say you can toss the toy. I would think that if you don't return it they will be expecting you be participating ( as in only going to house that did not return it) .  So keeping it would be wrong - and setting the kid up to think this was a house he'd get a toy at, when that was not so.
   

Creep you out? Truly? That seems a little over the top. I have to say, snowdragon, you almost make it seem like you think all men are dangerous, regardless of context, simply by virtue of their sex. I hope that's not the case.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: stargazer on May 21, 2013, 03:37:45 PM


The dad also says that if you aren't planning to participate then to call him and he'd come pick up the toy, but if a neighbor doesn't want to call, I'm sure he's not going to get bent out of shape if you toss the trinket.



It would be more contact with the neighbor than I want.  And if you have to call him then you have to be home to meet this total stranger, I really don't want that.  I notice he does not say that they can come to HIS house to drop it off, tho' - I would be able to that late at night when there was NO chance of meeting him.

In that case, you're free to dump it in the trash. You don't "have' to do anything, but if you "want to", the Dad has provided his contact information. The bolded almost makes it sound like you're ascribing some sort of malicious or predatory intent to this guy who just wants his son to have a normal Halloween experience.


    I would not trust a guy I don't know to come to my house.  The entire thing would creep me out entirely.  Nowhere in the letter does he say you can toss the toy. I would think that if you don't return it they will be expecting you be participating ( as in only going to house that did not return it) .  So keeping it would be wrong - and setting the kid up to think this was a house he'd get a toy at, when that was not so.
   

Creep you out? Truly? That seems a little over the top. I have to say, snowdragon, you almost make it seem like you think all men are dangerous, regardless of context, simply by virtue of their sex. I hope that's not the case.

I was getting the same feeling honestly.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Calistoga on May 21, 2013, 03:59:39 PM


The dad also says that if you aren't planning to participate then to call him and he'd come pick up the toy, but if a neighbor doesn't want to call, I'm sure he's not going to get bent out of shape if you toss the trinket.



It would be more contact with the neighbor than I want.  And if you have to call him then you have to be home to meet this total stranger, I really don't want that.  I notice he does not say that they can come to HIS house to drop it off, tho' - I would be able to that late at night when there was NO chance of meeting him.

In that case, you're free to dump it in the trash. You don't "have' to do anything, but if you "want to", the Dad has provided his contact information. The bolded almost makes it sound like you're ascribing some sort of malicious or predatory intent to this guy who just wants his son to have a normal Halloween experience.


    I would not trust a guy I don't know to come to my house.  The entire thing would creep me out entirely.  Nowhere in the letter does he say you can toss the toy. I would think that if you don't return it they will be expecting you be participating ( as in only going to house that did not return it) .  So keeping it would be wrong - and setting the kid up to think this was a house he'd get a toy at, when that was not so.
   

Given that the man in the letter is obviously familiar with people who are a little bit different, I'm sure you could call him, get his address, and mail the toy back.

I'm going to assume just based on context that you don't participate in Halloween at all... in which case you could simply turn the porch light off and they wouldn't come to your house at all. The guy is obviously conscious of the fact that this is a special circumstance and that he's asking people to do something slightly unorthodox. Chances are he's factored in the loss of a toy or two, and he's not going to purposefully go up to a house and bang on the door when all signs point to someone who isn't participating.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Deetee on May 21, 2013, 04:09:23 PM
What a fantastic dad. I would be so happy to get a letter like this and be able to help a kid have a "normal" childhood. Just reading it makes me warm and fuzzy.

Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Paper Roses on May 21, 2013, 04:17:27 PM
The dad seems like a reasonable guy, so I imagine he would respect the porch light indicator that you aren't participating in Halloween - I doubt he's going to stand there banging on your door demanding Fletcher's 59 cent trinket.  And I doubt that he's maintaining a master list of addresses that he sent the letter to, just the ones that told him they didn't want to participate, so he can definitely know to skip those houses and relieve the householder of the bit of plastic.  I think it's a great example of a parent taking the responsibility for their child's issues, not expecting the rest of the world to accommodate them.

I completely agree with this.

I agree too.  I think Fletcher's dad is taking some chances that some of his trinkets will hit the trash and isn't really expecting anyone to jump through special hoops.  If you really wanted to make sure the toy was returned, but did not wish to give up your address, he left a number, and I'm guessing he would be more than happy to provide his address, so someone could drop it off, even leaving it on the porch with no personal contact.  He's not expecting anyone to do any footwork, which is why he offered to pick it up, and certainly you could leave the trinket on the porch.  Or toss it.  Your level of participation is entirely up to you.

Exactly.  The guy is bending over backwards to make it easy for everyone for his son to participate in Halloween.  I highly doubt he'd put in so much effort if he was a serial killer hunting potential victims.   
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: BarensMom on May 21, 2013, 05:53:57 PM
I would mail the toy back, because I make a point of providing non-edible items to those T&T'ers who can't have candy.  Giving it back to the dad means he can send it to another house that doesn't make such provisions.

I also have dog biscuits too, just in case (I had 5 dogs one year). 
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Girlie on May 21, 2013, 06:21:38 PM
I'm going to have to say that I think this is one of those situations where you're darned if you do and darned if you don't.

I think that the dad's intent has to be taken into account here, and given the facts, he was as polite and efficient as possible. Some people might prefer a letter to a personal visit from someone they don't know.

No one HAS to call the dad, but if they want to, he will come and remove the item. I don't think he would be terribly upset if someone did just trash it - his letter doesn't present him in that light.

Considering the amount of heart involved, I say to give any possible rudeness a pass.

Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: Arrynne on May 21, 2013, 07:03:23 PM
I think it's really sweet of the dad. He's trying to include his child without making other people jump through too many hoops. It would have been better if he had approached the neighbors he knew on the block and asked them directly. I always give the kids I know an extra piece of candy, and would happily participate in something like this. I probably would have wrapped the toy in some way to make it less obvious that it was a toy instead of candy.

I have a child that doesn't eat. It makes certain holidays very interesting.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: pennylucy on May 21, 2013, 07:23:08 PM


The dad also says that if you aren't planning to participate then to call him and he'd come pick up the toy, but if a neighbor doesn't want to call, I'm sure he's not going to get bent out of shape if you toss the trinket.



It would be more contact with the neighbor than I want.  And if you have to call him then you have to be home to meet this total stranger, I really don't want that.  I notice he does not say that they can come to HIS house to drop it off, tho' - I would be able to that late at night when there was NO chance of meeting him.

In that case, you're free to dump it in the trash. You don't "have' to do anything, but if you "want to", the Dad has provided his contact information. The bolded almost makes it sound like you're ascribing some sort of malicious or predatory intent to this guy who just wants his son to have a normal Halloween experience.


    I would not trust a guy I don't know to come to my house.  The entire thing would creep me out entirely.  Nowhere in the letter does he say you can toss the toy. I would think that if you don't return it they will be expecting you be participating ( as in only going to house that did not return it) .  So keeping it would be wrong - and setting the kid up to think this was a house he'd get a toy at, when that was not so.
   

Creep you out? Truly? That seems a little over the top. I have to say, snowdragon, you almost make it seem like you think all men are dangerous, regardless of context, simply by virtue of their sex. I hope that's not the case.

I was getting the same feeling honestly.

Honestly, the way snowdragon is constantly ascribing malicious intent to people in her posts it seems like she dislikes people period.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: kherbert05 on May 21, 2013, 07:29:09 PM
I don't think this guy is going to throw a fit if you don't participate. Sounds like this neighborhood is like mine. There is no way the parents could name who did and did not participate last year. Just too many houses.


My parents provided peanut free candy for neighbors when we moved to Piney Point. They did ask the other parents who normally gave out candy on our block, but that was maybe 10 - 15 houses.
Before that the neighbors were life long friends of my Dad long term friends of Mom who were also babysiters and such, so it wasn't an issue.


Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: snowdragon on May 21, 2013, 07:41:31 PM


The dad also says that if you aren't planning to participate then to call him and he'd come pick up the toy, but if a neighbor doesn't want to call, I'm sure he's not going to get bent out of shape if you toss the trinket.



It would be more contact with the neighbor than I want.  And if you have to call him then you have to be home to meet this total stranger, I really don't want that.  I notice he does not say that they can come to HIS house to drop it off, tho' - I would be able to that late at night when there was NO chance of meeting him.

In that case, you're free to dump it in the trash. You don't "have' to do anything, but if you "want to", the Dad has provided his contact information. The bolded almost makes it sound like you're ascribing some sort of malicious or predatory intent to this guy who just wants his son to have a normal Halloween experience.


    I would not trust a guy I don't know to come to my house.  The entire thing would creep me out entirely.  Nowhere in the letter does he say you can toss the toy. I would think that if you don't return it they will be expecting you be participating ( as in only going to house that did not return it) .  So keeping it would be wrong - and setting the kid up to think this was a house he'd get a toy at, when that was not so.
   

Creep you out? Truly? That seems a little over the top. I have to say, snowdragon, you almost make it seem like you think all men are dangerous, regardless of context, simply by virtue of their sex. I hope that's not the case.




The dad also says that if you aren't planning to participate then to call him and he'd come pick up the toy, but if a neighbor doesn't want to call, I'm sure he's not going to get bent out of shape if you toss the trinket.



It would be more contact with the neighbor than I want.  And if you have to call him then you have to be home to meet this total stranger, I really don't want that.  I notice he does not say that they can come to HIS house to drop it off, tho' - I would be able to that late at night when there was NO chance of meeting him.

In that case, you're free to dump it in the trash. You don't "have' to do anything, but if you "want to", the Dad has provided his contact information. The bolded almost makes it sound like you're ascribing some sort of malicious or predatory intent to this guy who just wants his son to have a normal Halloween experience.


    I would not trust a guy I don't know to come to my house.  The entire thing would creep me out entirely.  Nowhere in the letter does he say you can toss the toy. I would think that if you don't return it they will be expecting you be participating ( as in only going to house that did not return it) .  So keeping it would be wrong - and setting the kid up to think this was a house he'd get a toy at, when that was not so.
   

Creep you out? Truly? That seems a little over the top. I have to say, snowdragon, you almost make it seem like you think all men are dangerous, regardless of context, simply by virtue of their sex. I hope that's not the case.

I was getting the same feeling honestly.

Honestly, the way snowdragon is constantly ascribing malicious intent to people in her posts it seems like she dislikes people period.


Interesting Assumption.  I think that people should leave total strangers alone, especially in their homes. His concern is for his kid's being able to participate in something - and providing the toy is the way to get the most people to go along. There is nothing that makes me believe he is doing any of this to make it easier for the neighbors.  If he were going to do things to make life easier for the neighbors, he would have only approached the neighbors he knows, not complete strangers. There are other ways to make sure his kid participates and stays on his diet, without involving people who don't know you.
 

 
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: NyaChan on May 21, 2013, 07:43:52 PM
But all people are going to remain strangers until someone actually speaks to another person.  I really don't understand the point to the whole, How dare anyone talk to me if I don't already know them? attitude.  If someone is bothering you, yes that's a problem, if they are intruding on your life, yes that's a problem.  But this is one innocuous note which is easily tossed out along with whatever other spam mail is received. 
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: baglady on May 21, 2013, 07:45:19 PM
I haven't "done Halloween" in several years -- this neighborhood gets little to no trick-or-treat action, and I tend to be away from home that night anyway.

However, if I were in a position to participate but was on the fence, this would make me want to do it, because Fletcher should have a Halloween, and because his dad's thoughtfulness (for his son and for the neighbors) should be rewarded.
Title: Re: No candy for my kid instead give him "this"
Post by: TheBardess on May 21, 2013, 07:49:31 PM
Quote

Honestly, the way snowdragon is constantly ascribing malicious intent to people in her posts it seems like she dislikes people period.


Interesting Assumption.  [/b]I think that people should leave total strangers alone, especially in their homes. His concern is for his kid's being able to participate in something - and providing the toy is the way to get the most people to go along. There is nothing that makes me believe he is doing any of this to make it easier for the neighbors.  If he were going to do things to make life easier for the neighbors, he would have only approached the neighbors he knows, not complete strangers. There are other ways to make sure his kid participates and stays on his diet, without involving people who don't know you.
 
[/quote]

To be perfectly honest, snowdragon, I've gotten the same feeling from many of your posts. If often seems as if you immediately jump to the worst possible explanation for people's actions, assume the worst of them, and attribute the most nefarious possible motives to them, even when there's nothing pointing to malicious intent, and indeed, there are several other, more straightforward and more benign explanations as to their behavior.