Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Family and Children => Topic started by: LilacGirl1983 on May 25, 2013, 01:09:11 PM

Title: Meet the baby
Post by: LilacGirl1983 on May 25, 2013, 01:09:11 PM
Sorry for being focused on the baby so much. Not trying to be a hog or mommy zilla...We are planning a meet the baby gathering. Not a shower or sprinkle..just come meet the baby and socialize. I was wondering a couple of things

1) Wording on invites. Is this ok? Its on a facebook invite..I also sent out email invites to those who are not on facebook

What: Its just going to be a laid back event. Come chit chat, meet the baby and snacks provided!


2) if you read that would you assume you would need to bring gifts? We aren't expecting any or doing a baby registry or anything. My family doesn't do 2nd baby showers (According to mom) so I want to make sure that its clear that it isn't one.

3) any ways to say we don't expect anything if asked? We did invite both his side mom's, dad's, step mom,s and my side so we are hoping for a number to have enough snacks

4) I was thinking chips/cup cakes and maybe fresh fruit and assortment of candy to be what to serve...is that to tacky? Any other ideas? We never had a meet the baby get together so any help would be appreciated!

Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: NyaChan on May 25, 2013, 01:14:45 PM
I would bill it as just another gathering in the title and details, and then as an aside in the description you can say, "This will be a good opportunity to introduce BabyName to our family."
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: TootsNYC on May 25, 2013, 01:27:50 PM
If your family doesn't do 2nd-baby showers, I don't think you need to make it clear that this isn't one. Saying, "come meet the baby" and leaving out "shower" is enough.

I'm not sure why you need to say anything about snacks--wouldn't people simply expect you to have them anyway? That makes it awkward somehow--as though it implies that they might think you wouldn't, or it's a big "draw" (reason to come).

I'd just say,

Come meet the baby! Saturday, the 12th of Never, from 2 to 4pm.

Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: LadyR on May 25, 2013, 02:33:31 PM
We're having a Meet the Baby party as well and I've organized it open house style so you can come and go as you like. I'll provide light party food (veggies, fruit, dip, cake, and maybe an appetizer or two) and I've chosen not to say anything about gifts either way.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: TootsNYC on May 25, 2013, 03:36:19 PM
If you're extra sensitive about people getting offended (because it is true that most people feel that any party with a guest of honor *IS* a gift giving occasion, no matter what you call it), then don't name it anything.

Just invite people over--just say, "please come to a party at our house." They'll figure out that the baby will be home at the same time.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Roe on May 25, 2013, 04:08:28 PM
If you're extra sensitive about people getting offended (because it is true that most people feel that any party with a guest of honor *IS* a gift giving occasion, no matter what you call it), then don't name it anything.

Just invite people over--just say, "please come to a party at our house." They'll figure out that the baby will be home at the same time.

Personally, I'd rather the "title" of the party be on the invite, otherwise, I'd feel like it was a bait and switch or something.

OP, just name it "meet the baby" party and leave it at that.  There's no need to mention gifts or food/snacks.  Those that want to show up, will attend regardless of gifts or snacks. :)
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: I'mnotinsane on May 25, 2013, 04:58:49 PM
Since it is not a shower I would not feel obligated to bring a gift.  If I was close enough to be invited but not close enough to have already have visited I would probably use this opportunity to bring a small gift.  It is okay.  Just be your gracious self when accepting the gifts.  Don't display them.  If asked about a registry just be honest that you don't have one. 
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: MOM21SON on May 25, 2013, 04:59:24 PM
I am not a fan of Meet the Baby party's.  No matter what you want it to be it, it is a gift grab.

If you want everyone to meet your baby, have a summer BBQ or something thing that.

BTW, are these the new thing?
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Roe on May 25, 2013, 06:09:43 PM
No matter what you want it to be it, it is a gift grab.

I disagree.  Just because you'd like to celebrate your child and have them welcomed into your circle of family and friends does NOT mean it's a gift grab.

The term 'gift grab' seems to be thrown around quite a bit lately.  It's losing its meaning. I certainly wouldn't describe what the OP is doing as a gift grab.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Deetee on May 25, 2013, 06:21:39 PM
Quote from: Roe link=topic=128200.msg2949855#msg2949855 date=1369523383type
No matter what you want it to be it, it is a gift grab.

I disagree.  Just because you'd like to celebrate your child and have them welcomed into your circle of family and friends do NOT mean it's a gift grab.

The term 'gift grab' seems to be thrown around quite a bit lately.  It's losing its meaning. I certainly wouldn't describe what the OP is doing as a gift grab.
I concur. This is not a gift grab and I see no reason to try to hide the type of party. That seems silly because it is a meet the baby party. 

I'm sure some people will bring gifts but they would do that anyhow. We just had our second daughter and had no shower or meet the baby and we still got a lot of gifts from people. Generally when they were invited over or they invited us there would be a present for the little one and the big sister. People like to celebrate babies.

Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: MOM21SON on May 25, 2013, 06:22:02 PM
No matter what you want it to be it, it is a gift grab.

I disagree.  Just because you'd like to celebrate your child and have them welcomed into your circle of family and friends do NOT mean it's a gift grab.

The term 'gift grab' seems to be thrown around quite a bit lately.  It's losing its meaning. I certainly wouldn't describe what the OP is doing as a gift grab.

Then I guess we disagree.  If I were invited to a meet the baby party, it would never occur to me to not take a gift.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: LeveeWoman on May 25, 2013, 06:25:34 PM
No matter what you want it to be it, it is a gift grab.

I disagree.  Just because you'd like to celebrate your child and have them welcomed into your circle of family and friends do NOT mean it's a gift grab.

The term 'gift grab' seems to be thrown around quite a bit lately.  It's losing its meaning. I certainly wouldn't describe what the OP is doing as a gift grab.

Then I guess we disagree.  If I were invited to a meet the baby party, it would never occur to me to not take a gift.


A gift-grab is one the recipient intends to hold, which lilacgirl does not.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Roe on May 25, 2013, 06:26:46 PM
Quote from: Roe link=topic=128200.msg2949855#msg2949855 date=1369523383type
No matter what you want it to be it, it is a gift grab.

I disagree.  Just because you'd like to celebrate your child and have them welcomed into your circle of family and friends do NOT mean it's a gift grab.

The term 'gift grab' seems to be thrown around quite a bit lately.  It's losing its meaning. I certainly wouldn't describe what the OP is doing as a gift grab.
I concur. This is not a gift grab and I see no reason to try to hide the type of party. That seems silly because it is a meet the baby party. 

I'm sure some people will bring gifts but they would do that anyhow. We just had our second daughter and had no shower or meet the baby and we still got a lot of gifts from people. Generally when they were invited over or they invited us there would be a present for the little one and the big sister. People like to celebrate babies.

Exactly!  Whenever a friend has a baby, I give a lil' gift.  (even if it's just diapers and wipes)  Whenever my friends have life-changing moments, esp the birth of a baby, it's something to celebrate.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Katana_Geldar on May 25, 2013, 06:43:37 PM
No matter what you want it to be it, it is a gift grab.

I disagree.  Just because you'd like to celebrate your child and have them welcomed into your circle of family and friends do NOT mean it's a gift grab.

The term 'gift grab' seems to be thrown around quite a bit lately.  It's losing its meaning. I certainly wouldn't describe what the OP is doing as a gift grab.

Then I guess we disagree.  If I were invited to a meet the baby party, it would never occur to me to not take a gift.
[/quote
The difference is intent. By your argument, any social occasion can be seen as a gift grab.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: MOM21SON on May 25, 2013, 06:48:10 PM
No matter what you want it to be it, it is a gift grab.

I disagree.  Just because you'd like to celebrate your child and have them welcomed into your circle of family and friends do NOT mean it's a gift grab.

The term 'gift grab' seems to be thrown around quite a bit lately.  It's losing its meaning. I certainly wouldn't describe what the OP is doing as a gift grab.

Then I guess we disagree.  If I were invited to a meet the baby party, it would never occur to me to not take a gift.
[/quote
The difference is intent. By your argument, any social occasion can be seen as a gift grab.

Not hardly. 

And I never said it was her intent.  I am voicing my opinion on the idea of a Meet the baby party.

Who not have a BBQ and call it a BBQ?  People know the baby has arrived?  It is safe to assme they will meet the baby at a BBQ hosted by the parents.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: LeveeWoman on May 25, 2013, 06:59:59 PM
No matter what you want it to be it, it is a gift grab.

I disagree.  Just because you'd like to celebrate your child and have them welcomed into your circle of family and friends do NOT mean it's a gift grab.

The term 'gift grab' seems to be thrown around quite a bit lately.  It's losing its meaning. I certainly wouldn't describe what the OP is doing as a gift grab.

Then I guess we disagree.  If I were invited to a meet the baby party, it would never occur to me to not take a gift.
[/quote
The difference is intent. By your argument, any social occasion can be seen as a gift grab.

Not hardly. 

And I never said it was her intent.  I am voicing my opinion on the idea of a Meet the baby party.

Who not have a BBQ and call it a BBQ?  People know the baby has arrived?  It is safe to assme they will meet the baby at a BBQ hosted by the parents.


She plans to serve light refreshments, not a full meal that would cost a lot more.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Katana_Geldar on May 25, 2013, 07:15:01 PM
People sure get uptight about things. My family recently had a "meet the baby" get together. No gifts expected at all.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Betelnut on May 25, 2013, 07:19:39 PM
For a "Meet the baby" party, I would probably bring a gift but it would be more of a gift for the baby (a small board book, t-shirt, etc.) that is less than $10.  For a shower, I'd bring more of a gift for the parents (diapers, etc.) and it would probably more be expensive ($20-30).
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: MOM21SON on May 25, 2013, 07:22:54 PM
People sure get uptight about things. My family recently had a "meet the baby" get together. No gifts expected at all.

So having a opinion that was asked for and because it is different than most is being uptight?
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Amava on May 25, 2013, 07:32:56 PM
"Meet the baby" parties are the norm in my social circles and culture.
We do not have the concept of "baby showers" - we just don't know it (first I ever heard about such a thing existing was here on this site).
When I was little and going to church was the norm, the norm was that the celebration for welcoming the baby by friends and family, was the baptism festivity. Now that the majority of people (at least the ones I usually deal with) are no longer involved with church, this celebration has been replaced by a "meet the baby party".

People here do a lot worse things than you do, though. Many include a registry and/or a "diaper account" - a bank account in which people can donate money!! I think /that/ is rather tacky - but most people here think even that is normal. Worse, even: some include the registry and the diaper account number in the birth announcement card they send to people who are not even invited to any sort of welcoming party!!  :o

Your scenario would be fine for me. I /would/ bring a gift, gladly - I just don't like to see it mentioned on the invitation / card as if the parents take it for granted or directly ask for it, you know? But no, I have no problem with yours.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Seven Ate Nine on May 25, 2013, 07:40:29 PM
No matter what you want it to be it, it is a gift grab.

I disagree.  Just because you'd like to celebrate your child and have them welcomed into your circle of family and friends do NOT mean it's a gift grab.

The term 'gift grab' seems to be thrown around quite a bit lately.  It's losing its meaning. I certainly wouldn't describe what the OP is doing as a gift grab.

Then I guess we disagree.  If I were invited to a meet the baby party, it would never occur to me to not take a gift.
The difference is intent. By your argument, any social occasion can be seen as a gift grab.

Not hardly. 

And I never said it was her intent.  I am voicing my opinion on the idea of a Meet the baby party.

Who not have a BBQ and call it a BBQ?  People know the baby has arrived?  It is safe to assme they will meet the baby at a BBQ hosted by the parents.

Isn't intent the whole point of the label "gift grab?"  I can throw a birthday party, or I can throw a birthday party where I ask guests to bring food, and chairs, and gifts.  The first one is a party.  The second one is a gift grab.  You can have "gift grab" any type of party. 

In my area/group, weddings and wedding showers, baby showers, graduations, and children's birthday parties are gift giving occasions.  That doesn't make any of them "grabs."  When the host starts trying to get the guests to throw the party they become grabs.  Other types of parties, such as adult birthday parties, retirement parties, etc are not necessarily gift giving occasions.  Some people bring gifts, sure, but it's not expected for any reason.  These types of parties become "grabs" when the GOH sets up a registry or otherwise starts hinting at what types of gifts that they want.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: mbbored on May 25, 2013, 07:57:03 PM
No matter what you want it to be it, it is a gift grab.

I disagree.  Just because you'd like to celebrate your child and have them welcomed into your circle of family and friends do NOT mean it's a gift grab.

The term 'gift grab' seems to be thrown around quite a bit lately.  It's losing its meaning. I certainly wouldn't describe what the OP is doing as a gift grab.

Then I guess we disagree.  If I were invited to a meet the baby party, it would never occur to me to not take a gift.
The difference is intent. By your argument, any social occasion can be seen as a gift grab.

Not hardly. 

And I never said it was her intent.  I am voicing my opinion on the idea of a Meet the baby party.

Who not have a BBQ and call it a BBQ?  People know the baby has arrived?  It is safe to assme they will meet the baby at a BBQ hosted by the parents.

Isn't intent the whole point of the label "gift grab?"  I can throw a birthday party, or I can throw a birthday party where I ask guests to bring food, and chairs, and gifts.  The first one is a party.  The second one is a gift grab.  You can have "gift grab" any type of party. 

In my area/group, weddings and wedding showers, baby showers, graduations, and children's birthday parties are gift giving occasions.  That doesn't make any of them "grabs."  When the host starts trying to get the guests to throw the party they become grabs.  Other types of parties, such as adult birthday parties, retirement parties, etc are not necessarily gift giving occasions.  Some people bring gifts, sure, but it's not expected for any reason.  These types of parties become "grabs" when the GOH sets up a registry or otherwise starts hinting at what types of gifts that they want.

POD. Mom21Son, do you consider weddings and children's birthday parties to be gift grabs as well? In our culture, people throw parties to celebrate special events in their lives, like getting married or having a child. It would be a gift grab if she put a registry on the invitation or made it a potluck. If you don't want to bring a gift to a meet the baby party, don't bring a gift or don't go.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: LadyR on May 25, 2013, 08:03:53 PM
I can't speak for the OP, but we're having a meet the baby, because last time we were inundated with requests to come meet the baby and overwhelmed by visits and we decided it would be easier to have one set day (hopefully a few weeks after the baby comes) where everyone can come at once, stay for a little while and we can get it over with.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Katana_Geldar on May 25, 2013, 09:58:54 PM
People sure get uptight about things. My family recently had a "meet the baby" get together. No gifts expected at all.

So having a opinion that was asked for and because it is different than most is being uptight?

I can't speak for Katana_Geldar, but I think that calling a "meet the baby" party a "gift grab" is uptight.

POD. It's about assuming people have ulterior motives for things, when sometimes it's just very simple.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Deetee on May 25, 2013, 10:26:39 PM
A gift grab is when the purpose of the party is to obtain gifts from people and to get gifts that are out of proportion to the occasion, the relationship, the offered hospitality or all three. It is when the person wants gifts more than the company of the people invited.

This is nothing like a gift grab as the stated purpose and the actual purpose is the same.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Wordgeek on May 26, 2013, 02:28:19 PM
So having a opinion that was asked for and because it is different than most is being uptight?

No, being snippy about said opinion and taking personal offense at a general remark is being, if not uptight, then certainly unpleasant.

If you're unable to be courteous, don't post.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: kudeebee on May 26, 2013, 04:34:06 PM
Honestly, if I was invited to a "meet the baby" party, I would think I would need to take a gift as well.  I wouldn't consider it a gift grab, more like a shower.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: bloo on May 26, 2013, 04:48:48 PM
Honestly, if I was invited to a "meet the baby" party, I would think I would need to take a gift as well.  I wouldn't consider it a gift grab, more like a shower.

Huh. I would form my opinion of whether a gift is expected under circumstances surrounding it.

Simply put (for me anyway):

Baby shower = gift
Come Meet the Baby = no gift

But, mitigating circumstances:

Did I attend the shower? No? Bring a small gift to Come Meet the Baby!

Or not. Maybe I'll just come with my best wishes.

It might depend on how I feel or how poor I am when I'm making the decision.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: LilacGirl1983 on May 26, 2013, 04:58:58 PM
Thanks for all the replies ladies. It certainly is not intended to be a gift giving occasion. We have not registered nor included registry information at all. We want it to be social and to come meet our newest little one. We wanted to give everyone a chance on day to kind of trickle in..it will be when the baby is couple weeks old. Would it be offensive to ask if they use hand sanitizer or wash before holding the baby? Not sure on the etiquette on that? Our family isn't very close so the meet the baby would give others a chance to meet him.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Katana_Geldar on May 26, 2013, 05:27:17 PM
No, it wouldn't be offensive. Just ask politely, that's all. We ouch dirty things a million times a day and should wash our hands more. Just have it handy.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: kudeebee on May 26, 2013, 05:29:58 PM
Honestly, if I was invited to a "meet the baby" party, I would think I would need to take a gift as well.  I wouldn't consider it a gift grab, more like a shower.

Huh. I would form my opinion of whether a gift is expected under circumstances surrounding it.

Simply put (for me anyway):

Baby shower = gift
Come Meet the Baby = no gift

But, mitigating circumstances:

Did I attend the shower? No? Bring a small gift to Come Meet the Baby!

Or not. Maybe I'll just come with my best wishes.

It might depend on how I feel or how poor I am when I'm making the decision.

My opinion may be affected by the fact meet the baby parties are not very common around here.  I could see if "that is what a family does", family members would know it was more of a family event, a social gathering, with the added benefit of meeting a new member of the family.  If it isn't common, guests might mistake it as a different name for a baby shower.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: snowdragon on May 26, 2013, 07:15:32 PM
I thought meet the baby events were the ehell approved alternative to showers for 2nd or more babies?  If I got an invite that I was not sure about the expectations, I'd call and find out first before deciding. ( I am not good in big groups so I do this for most parties these days.)

I would decline to hold any baby at this point for fear of dropping, so I would not be offended, just as I hope the parent would understand that I can't risk holding jnr because of an arm injury.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: NyaChan on May 26, 2013, 07:28:05 PM
I thought meet the baby events were the ehell approved alternative to showers for 2nd or more babies?  If I got an invite that I was not sure about the expectations, I'd call and find out first before deciding. ( I am not good in big groups so I do this for most parties these days.)

I would decline to hold any baby at this point for fear of dropping, so I would not be offended, just as I hope the parent would understand that I can't risk holding jnr because of an arm injury.

Maybe so for other occasions, but how many people are going to be comfortable calling a host and asking, "Now I couldn't tell from your invitation - am I supposed to buy you a gift?" 

I think the reason why I think it is better not to call it a Meet the Baby Party is because it will raise the specter of gift giving for some.  Throwing a party in general isn't going to confuse anyone.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: snowdragon on May 26, 2013, 07:31:00 PM
I thought meet the baby events were the ehell approved alternative to showers for 2nd or more babies?  If I got an invite that I was not sure about the expectations, I'd call and find out first before deciding. ( I am not good in big groups so I do this for most parties these days.)

I would decline to hold any baby at this point for fear of dropping, so I would not be offended, just as I hope the parent would understand that I can't risk holding jnr because of an arm injury.

Maybe so for other occasions, but how many people are going to be comfortable calling a host and asking, "Now I couldn't tell from your invitation - am I supposed to buy you a gift?" 

I think the reason why I think it is better not to call it a Meet the Baby Party is because it will raise the specter of gift giving for some.  Throwing a party in general isn't going to confuse anyone.


"there's no registry info on the invite, can you tell me what you want?" would suffice and then the parents can tell the questioner that presents are not expected.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Katana_Geldar on May 26, 2013, 07:52:17 PM
I thought meet the baby events were the ehell approved alternative to showers for 2nd or more babies?  If I got an invite that I was not sure about the expectations, I'd call and find out first before deciding. ( I am not good in big groups so I do this for most parties these days.)

I would decline to hold any baby at this point for fear of dropping, so I would not be offended, just as I hope the parent would understand that I can't risk holding jnr because of an arm injury.

Maybe so for other occasions, but how many people are going to be comfortable calling a host and asking, "Now I couldn't tell from your invitation - am I supposed to buy you a gift?" 

I think the reason why I think it is better not to call it a Meet the Baby Party is because it will raise the specter of gift giving for some.  Throwing a party in general isn't going to confuse anyone.

I'd say "You can if you like, you don't have to. We're looking forward to seeing you."
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: NyaChan on May 26, 2013, 07:53:15 PM
I thought meet the baby events were the ehell approved alternative to showers for 2nd or more babies?  If I got an invite that I was not sure about the expectations, I'd call and find out first before deciding. ( I am not good in big groups so I do this for most parties these days.)

I would decline to hold any baby at this point for fear of dropping, so I would not be offended, just as I hope the parent would understand that I can't risk holding jnr because of an arm injury.

Maybe so for other occasions, but how many people are going to be comfortable calling a host and asking, "Now I couldn't tell from your invitation - am I supposed to buy you a gift?" 

I think the reason why I think it is better not to call it a Meet the Baby Party is because it will raise the specter of gift giving for some.  Throwing a party in general isn't going to confuse anyone.


"there's no registry info on the invite, can you tell me what you want?" would suffice and then the parents can tell the questioner that presents are not expected.

Except few people actually answer the question truthfully because who is actually going to say that they do expect gifts? ex:  What do you want for graduation?  Oh no, you don't need to get me anything - I just really want you to be there.  What do you guys want for your wedding - I don't see a registry.  Oh no, you don't need to get us anything, we just want you to be there to celebrate with us. 

Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: ladyknight1 on May 26, 2013, 09:04:06 PM
Meet the baby parties are normal in my area and culture. Not for gift giving, but for a visit and to see the new baby.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: kareng57 on May 26, 2013, 09:36:34 PM
I thought meet the baby events were the ehell approved alternative to showers for 2nd or more babies?  If I got an invite that I was not sure about the expectations, I'd call and find out first before deciding. ( I am not good in big groups so I do this for most parties these days.)

I would decline to hold any baby at this point for fear of dropping, so I would not be offended, just as I hope the parent would understand that I can't risk holding jnr because of an arm injury.

Maybe so for other occasions, but how many people are going to be comfortable calling a host and asking, "Now I couldn't tell from your invitation - am I supposed to buy you a gift?" 

I think the reason why I think it is better not to call it a Meet the Baby Party is because it will raise the specter of gift giving for some.  Throwing a party in general isn't going to confuse anyone.


I would think that the best bet would be to call another invitee who is close to the family, and ask his/her advice.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: TootsNYC on May 26, 2013, 11:23:27 PM
Honestly, if I was invited to a "meet the baby" party, I would think I would need to take a gift as well.  I wouldn't consider it a gift grab, more like a shower.

I would think I needed to bring a gift. It's a party with a guest of honor--most people think of those as something you should give a gift for.

And if *I* had a "meet the baby" party, it would probably be viewed as a bit of an attention-grab and maybe even a gift-grab, because people in my circles are not expecting such a party.

One of the cousins had the first-ever engagement party, and it was regarded as a gift grab; people had some slightly snarky things to say about it. Regardless of the fact that all the etiquette books say it's not a gift-giving occasion (but they also say the engagement is to be *announced* at the party, and that's not how it was done).

Ditto the first-ever "sweet 16" party. It was regarded as a gift-generator by the people who gave the gifts.

The danger is there.

Oddly enough, inviting people for a baptism is NOT seen as a gift grab, I think because baptisms are their own events, and the party is the afterthought. Ditto graduations, weddings, first communions, confirmations, bar/bat mitzvahs, etc. There's a ritual event that is the focus; the reception is simply the gathering that follows.

Showers and birthday parties have no other sort of ritual involved; and so they can be suspect, esp. if you're throwing your own. Ditto housewarmings--they're risky if they're handled wrong.

That's why Mom21Son and I have both suggested simply having a party of some sort (open house?) at the baby's home.

Perhaps if it's billed as an open house, and the idea that the baby will be around
("come to our open house! join us for snacks and meet the baby"), it might not run that same risk.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: bansidhe on May 27, 2013, 03:12:17 AM
I would think I needed to bring a gift. It's a party with a guest of honor--most people think of those as something you should give a gift for.

Same here. I'm not familiar with the "meet the baby" party concept at all, but would figure that new baby = gift. I would not, however, regard it as a gift grab at all unless the person holding the event was obviously fishing for gifts (including registry information or gift suggestions with the invitation, for example).

Perhaps if it's billed as an open house, and the idea that the baby will be around
("come to our open house! join us for snacks and meet the baby"), it might not run that same risk.

I think this is a great way to go about it. Though a lot of folks don't regard meet the baby parties as gift grabs, it's obvious from this thread that some do. Using Toots suggestion ought to be OK for everyone invited.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Marbles on May 27, 2013, 03:34:20 AM
LilacGirl,

We had a meet the baby party for our second. A few people brought gifts. Most didn't. Some people just like to celebrate a new arrival that way. Some people are simply happy to bring their good wishes.

I shouldn't worry too much about gifts. Just leave off all mention on the invitation. Some folks may be looking for other motives, but that's not something you can control and you could drive yourself sideways trying to do so. Sometimes a meet the baby party is just a way to meet the baby.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: peaches on May 27, 2013, 04:21:19 AM
Meet the baby parties aren't given in our family or circle of friends.

A barbecue or a get-together where a new baby also happens to be on display is more typical.

Gifts for a baby are usually mailed or taken to the first visit. Not everyone gives a gift for every baby. DH and I like to. But after a first baby, gifts might only be given by closest friends and relatives.

Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Roe on May 27, 2013, 08:49:41 AM
Just because one thinks/feels/assumes that they should take a gift doesn't make the gathering a gift grab. 
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: jilly on May 27, 2013, 12:20:49 PM
I've always equated a meet the baby party with a christening they are both to celibrate the safe arrival of a new baby and welcome them to the community. If you are worried about how it would go over I like toots suggestion for wording but I don't see it as rude or a gift grab to invite family and friends to come meet the baby.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: sammycat on May 27, 2013, 05:25:10 PM
I've always equated a meet the baby party with a christening they are both to celibrate the safe arrival of a new baby and welcome them to the community. If you are worried about how it would go over I like toots suggestion for wording but I don't see it as rude or a gift grab to invite family and friends to come meet the baby.

Just because one thinks/feels/assumes that they should take a gift doesn't make the gathering a gift grab.

POD!!!

Not every event is a sneaky, or blatant, attempt to milk other people for presents, food or money.  Most times people hold events simply because they want to celebrate an important event with the people they care about. Presents etc are secondary.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: NyaChan on May 27, 2013, 06:11:32 PM
I don't dispute that a Meet the Baby Party is not per se a gift grab.  I do think that OP should note that if her family is not aware of the concept or used to it, they may perceive it as a gift giving occasion akin to a shower.  The problem here isn't her intent, clearly she is not a gimmepig of any variety.  The problem here is what others will perceive.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: cwm on May 28, 2013, 11:49:34 AM
In my group of friends, we've had severl "Sit & See" parties. Come sit, see the new baby and how s/he's doing with the family. And the name of the event indicates the only intended actions. There's no expectation of gifts, though a few very close friends may bring a bottle of wine for the new parents to enjoy, or a small toy for the older sibling.

I think the wording on your invite is fine. If someone calls and asks about a registry, then you can politely tell them that all you're asking for is for friends to show up and enjoy themselves. If they insist on bringing something, tell them they're welcome to bring a veggie tray to share with the rest of the guests, or something similar.

By the way, congrats on the new baby!
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: citadelle on May 28, 2013, 11:53:22 AM
In my group of friends, we've had severl "Sit & See" parties. Come sit, see the new baby and how s/he's doing with the family. And the name of the event indicates the only intended actions. There's no expectation of gifts, though a few very close friends may bring a bottle of wine for the new parents to enjoy, or a small toy for the older sibling.

I think the wording on your invite is fine. If someone calls and asks about a registry, then you can politely tell them that all you're asking for is for friends to show up and enjoy themselves. If they insist on bringing something, tell them they're welcome to bring a veggie tray to share with the rest of the guests, or something similar.

By the way, congrats on the new baby!

I've never heard of Sit & See ... is that a variation on Sip & See parties?
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Mammavan3 on May 28, 2013, 12:13:48 PM
We all attend celebratory parties of different kinds with some degree of regularity:  wedding receptions, birthday parties, graduation parties, parties for Bar Mitzvahs, First Communions, Baptisms, etc.  Although it is customary to bring gifts, that does not mean gifts are a requirement. IMO, a meet-the-baby party falls into this category.  OTOH, the raison d'Ítre of a shower is to shower the recipient with gifts. 

There are greedy ways of hosting any event; this doesn't mean they are inherently a gift grab.

Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: turnip on May 28, 2013, 12:17:26 PM
I don't dispute that a Meet the Baby Party is not per se a gift grab.  I do think that OP should note that if her family is not aware of the concept or used to it, they may perceive it as a gift giving occasion akin to a shower.  The problem here isn't her intent, clearly she is not a gimmepig of any variety. The problem here is what others will perceive.

I think this is the source of the disconnect for a lot of us.  If any of the friends and family I'd invite to a 'meet the baby' party were inclined to think "Oh that turnip, she just wants gifts" then I would sincerely hope they decline and stay home, since obviously they don't hold me in the same esteem I hold them.

I am perhaps fortunate because there is no one of my personal acquaintance who I would make such an unpleasant assumption of. 
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Eeep! on May 28, 2013, 12:17:29 PM
I really really hope that EHell is a weird microcosm where people see "gift-grab" in everything and that it doesn't reflect the general world because it seems that, for some people, you can't have any sort of party with any sort of guest of honor without it being seen that way.  That makes me sad.   I personally feel that every child should be celebrated.  Just because someone was born second (or third or fourth) doesn't mean that their entry into the world isn't worth celebrating.  Why should the second child have to have their celebration disguised as a BBQ where they are an afterthought?  I realize that not everyone shares this opinion, but I felt i had to put it out there.  (And I'm a first child. heh.)
Now, if a "meet the baby" party isn't known in your circle you don't have to use that actual term as that might just cause confusion.  Saying "come on over for a get together to meet our  wonderful new addition" would still get the point across.  I think those people who would already be inclined to bring a present when they meet the baby for the first time will and those who wouldn't won't.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Eeep! on May 28, 2013, 12:18:26 PM
I don't dispute that a Meet the Baby Party is not per se a gift grab.  I do think that OP should note that if her family is not aware of the concept or used to it, they may perceive it as a gift giving occasion akin to a shower.  The problem here isn't her intent, clearly she is not a gimmepig of any variety. The problem here is what others will perceive.

I think this is the source of the disconnect for a lot of us.  If any of the friends and family I'd invite to a 'meet the baby' party were inclined to think "Oh that turnip, she just wants gifts" then I would sincerely hope they decline and stay home, since obviously they don't hold me in the same esteem I hold them.
I am perhaps fortunate because there is no one of my personal acquaintance who I would make such an unpleasant assumption of.

This posted while I was typing.  Totally this!!
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Roe on May 28, 2013, 02:34:40 PM
The problem here isn't her intent, clearly she is not a gimmepig of any variety.  The problem here is what others will perceive.

I disagree, intent is everything!  We can't control how others perceive us or our celebrations. I would hope that if someone assumes I'm having a gift grab, that they would stay home. Though I'm sure that wouldn't happen as close friends and family don't often think the worst of one another. 

Like I said, I'd take a gift simply for the joy of giving a gift to a close friend or family member. If I felt that it was a gift grab, I'd decline.  Plus, that person probably wouldn't be a close friend to begin with as I'm learned my lesson with gimme pigs. 
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: NyaChan on May 28, 2013, 02:57:13 PM
The problem here isn't her intent, clearly she is not a gimmepig of any variety.  The problem here is what others will perceive.

I disagree, intent is everything!  We can't control how others perceive us or our celebrations. I would hope that if someone assumes I'm having a gift grab, that they would stay home. Though I'm sure that wouldn't happen as close friends and family don't often think the worst of one another. 

Like I said, I'd take a gift simply for the joy of giving a gift to a close friend or family member. If I felt that it was a gift grab, I'd decline.  Plus, that person probably wouldn't be a close friend to begin with as I'm learned my lesson with gimme pigs.

I'm not saying that her intent isn't important.  I mean that her intent isn't rude, but her family may misunderstand and think she is rude.  From the first post, I got the feeling that OP was trying to avoid her family thinking that she was rude or asking for gifts.  As she seems to want her family to show up, and not stay home out of a misguided belief that she is asking for a gift, the safest way to get that is to avoid using language that might imply to them that this is a gift giving occasion. 

It's all fine and well to say, well if someone would think that, then I don't want them there - but this is her family and she does seem to want them to be around.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: cwm on May 28, 2013, 03:05:51 PM
In my group of friends, we've had severl "Sit & See" parties. Come sit, see the new baby and how s/he's doing with the family. And the name of the event indicates the only intended actions. There's no expectation of gifts, though a few very close friends may bring a bottle of wine for the new parents to enjoy, or a small toy for the older sibling.

I think the wording on your invite is fine. If someone calls and asks about a registry, then you can politely tell them that all you're asking for is for friends to show up and enjoy themselves. If they insist on bringing something, tell them they're welcome to bring a veggie tray to share with the rest of the guests, or something similar.

By the way, congrats on the new baby!

I've never heard of Sit & See ... is that a variation on Sip & See parties?

Probably. I worked with a lot of people who were financially stable enough to have their own houses and children, but several were not old enough to drink yet, so they didn't want to bring alcohol into the mix to begin with.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Katana_Geldar on May 28, 2013, 04:37:14 PM
I really really hope that EHell is a weird microcosm where people see "gift-grab" in everything and that it doesn't reflect the general world because it seems that, for some people, you can't have any sort of party with any sort of guest of honor without it being seen that way.  That makes me sad.   I personally feel that every child should be celebrated.  Just because someone was born second (or third or fourth) doesn't mean that their entry into the world isn't worth celebrating.  Why should the second child have to have their celebration disguised as a BBQ where they are an afterthought?  I realize that not everyone shares this opinion, but I felt i had to put it out there.  (And I'm a first child. heh.)
Now, if a "meet the baby" party isn't known in your circle you don't have to use that actual term as that might just cause confusion.  Saying "come on over for a get together to meet our  wonderful new addition" would still get the point across.  I think those people who would already be inclined to bring a present when they meet the baby for the first time will and those who wouldn't won't.
POD. The fact that people often assume the worst intentions here continues to baffle me.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: *inviteseller on May 28, 2013, 04:59:24 PM
We see the worst here...the stories of the 6 showers for the weddings or baby showers for every kid, even when there is not a lot of years or gender difference.  We hear of 6 page registries, or wedding fund raisers, birthday parties thrown by the GOH where you get the privilege of paying for the honor of being invited.  Unfortunately there are a lot of gimmie pigs out there and because we are so vigilant against being seen as one, we second guess ourselves.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Roe on May 28, 2013, 05:27:01 PM
The problem here isn't her intent, clearly she is not a gimmepig of any variety.  The problem here is what others will perceive.

I disagree, intent is everything!  We can't control how others perceive us or our celebrations. I would hope that if someone assumes I'm having a gift grab, that they would stay home. Though I'm sure that wouldn't happen as close friends and family don't often think the worst of one another. 

Like I said, I'd take a gift simply for the joy of giving a gift to a close friend or family member. If I felt that it was a gift grab, I'd decline.  Plus, that person probably wouldn't be a close friend to begin with as I'm learned my lesson with gimme pigs.

I'm not saying that her intent isn't important.  I mean that her intent isn't rude, but her family may misunderstand and think she is rude.  From the first post, I got the feeling that OP was trying to avoid her family thinking that she was rude or asking for gifts.  As she seems to want her family to show up, and not stay home out of a misguided belief that she is asking for a gift, the safest way to get that is to avoid using language that might imply to them that this is a gift giving occasion. 

It's all fine and well to say, well if someone would think that, then I don't want them there - but this is her family and she does seem to want them to be around.

Of course she wants them there. And a "meet the baby" party doesn't say "bring me gifts."  If people assume so, they would assume wrong.   At that point, you can't control how they think or what they assume.

Some suggestions have said "have a bbq instead" but that would cost more and involve of a responsibility, cooking, cleaning, etc.  And people might still assume that they have to take a gift.  Again, we can't control what people think. 

And I'll say again, a "Meet the Baby" party does not scream gift.  It means, come and meet our baby. I don't see how the OP can be any clearer.

Those that want to gift, will...party or no party. 
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: sammycat on May 28, 2013, 05:37:08 PM
I really really hope that EHell is a weird microcosm where people see "gift-grab" in everything and that it doesn't reflect the general world because it seems that, for some people, you can't have any sort of party with any sort of guest of honor without it being seen that way.  That makes me sad.   I personally feel that every child should be celebrated.  Just because someone was born second (or third or fourth) doesn't mean that their entry into the world isn't worth celebrating.  Why should the second child have to have their celebration disguised as a BBQ where they are an afterthought?  I realize that not everyone shares this opinion, but I felt i had to put it out there.  (And I'm a first child. heh.)
Now, if a "meet the baby" party isn't known in your circle you don't have to use that actual term as that might just cause confusion.  Saying "come on over for a get together to meet our  wonderful new addition" would still get the point across.  I think those people who would already be inclined to bring a present when they meet the baby for the first time will and those who wouldn't won't.
POD. The fact that people often assume the worst intentions here continues to baffle me.


POD!!!!!  to the millionth degree.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: sammycat on May 28, 2013, 05:39:55 PM
And I'll say again, a "Meet the Baby" party does not scream gift.  It means, come and meet our baby. I don't see how the OP can be any clearer.

Those that want to gift, will...party or no party.

Definitely.

When I go to see a new baby for the first time I always take a present, whether that be at the hospital, at home, the christening, wherever. I've never had anyone expect that I (or other visitors) would bring a gift, but in my experience everyone does anyway.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: kudeebee on May 28, 2013, 09:19:19 PM
Sorry for being focused on the baby so much. Not trying to be a hog or mommy zilla...We are planning a meet the baby gathering. Not a shower or sprinkle..just come meet the baby and socialize. I was wondering a couple of things

1) Wording on invites. Is this ok? Its on a facebook invite..I also sent out email invites to those who are not on facebook
What: Its just going to be a laid back event. Come chit chat, meet the baby and snacks provided!
2) if you read that would you assume you would need to bring gifts? We aren't expecting any or doing a baby registry or anything. My family doesn't do 2nd baby showers (According to mom) so I want to make sure that its clear that it isn't one.
3) any ways to say we don't expect anything if asked? We did invite both his side mom's, dad's, step mom,s and my side so we are hoping for a number to have enough snacks
4) I was thinking chips/cup cakes and maybe fresh fruit and assortment of candy to be what to serve...is that to tacky? Any other ideas? We never had a meet the baby get together so any help would be appreciated!

Somehow we have really gotten sidetracked on the "gift grab" track.  Going back to OP's original question--bolded above--some people might assume it is a gift-giving event, as I stated I would as I would assume it was another name for shower as these types of parties are not common where I am from.  I would not think gift grab, but would think I needed a gift and would gladly get one.

If meet the babies are what you do in your family, no problem.  Some people might want to bring gifts.  If they do, accept them graciously and put them away in another room to be opened later.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: LadyR on June 22, 2013, 11:19:42 PM
And I'll say again, a "Meet the Baby" party does not scream gift.  It means, come and meet our baby. I don't see how the OP can be any clearer.

Those that want to gift, will...party or no party.

Definitely.

When I go to see a new baby for the first time I always take a present, whether that be at the hospital, at home, the christening, wherever. I've never had anyone expect that I (or other visitors) would bring a gift, but in my experience everyone does anyway.

Not the OP, but we had our Meet the Baby party today. I think if I am to have another child, if I throw a gathering I'll stress no gifts instead of just letting peoplle know we don't require gifts. Everyone (except a friend who visited right after the baby was born and brought a gift then) brought a gift and anout half the guests brought gifts for my older child as well and I know at least ine person who only brought a gift for the new baby felt bad that she didn't get anything for the older child. We had about 15 guests, all very close friends. I feel a little bad, wondering if they (especially a few on tighter budgets) felt obligated ti bring gifts, though I know from experience some of them would have brought a gift as soon as they came to see the baby. If I ever have another child, I'd likely just have a low key BBQ and invite people over, without specifically calling it a Meet the Baby Party so people don't feel obligated to bring presents.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Phoebe on June 23, 2013, 01:17:45 PM
Just catching up on this thread.  I have to say that in my area, a gathering specifically billed as "Meet the Baby" is most always held because for one reason or another a baby shower was not held before the baby's arrival.  This is most definitely assumed to be a gift-giving occasion, just as a shower is.  It's a "post-natal" shower. 

The label "uptight" is not a nice one to toss around haphazardly.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Roe on June 23, 2013, 05:41:28 PM
Just catching up on this thread.  I have to say that in my area, a gathering specifically billed as "Meet the Baby" is most always held because for one reason or another a baby shower was not held before the baby's arrival.  This is most definitely assumed to be a gift-giving occasion, just as a shower is.  It's a "post-natal" shower. 

The label "uptight" is not a nice one to toss around haphazardly.

Just because one "assumes" it's a gift-giving occasion doesn't make it so.

LadyR, people that want to gift will do so.  I always gift a relative's or friend's new baby.  If I knew a Meet the Baby gathering was happening soon, I'd wait to give my gift until then but I usually gift at the hospital or the first visit at home.  My family and friends don't expect if of me, I do it willingly. It makes me happy to welcome a new addition. Plus, I never ever think such thoughts as 'gimme pig' about the parents.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Specky on June 23, 2013, 06:07:08 PM
I think it must be a regional thing.  In my area,  "meet the baby" is just another name for shower, or maybe "shower for a second baby".  It is definitely a gift-giving event, even if it isn't billed as one.  It is the term used (in our area) for a shower put on by the mother for her baby.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: camlan on June 23, 2013, 06:18:17 PM
In my circle, a "meet the baby" party is what parents have when they aren't baptizing the baby. There's always a party after a baptism and that is when people outside the immediate family get to "meet" the baby for the first time. But not everyone in my generation is as religious as our parents, so the meet the baby party is filling that gap of an occasion to honor the new baby.

Also in my circle, the guest list for baby showers, meet the baby parties and christening parties are always just close family and friends. Exactly those people who would most likely be giving a gift to the parents or new baby anyway, party or no party.

So while presents may show up at a meet the baby party, it's not because said party is a gift-grab, but because it is a convenient time to give the gift. I'd say about half the guests at meet the baby parties bring gifts, usually small ones. The other half probably already have given their gifts, as the parties are usually a month or two after the baby is born.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: alis on June 23, 2013, 06:40:28 PM
I had one of these.

It was my 2nd boy in 2 years.

I wrote "no gifts, please" in the announcement.

Not sure if that was correct or not, but I do think that a "meet the baby" can be confused with a baby shower here in North America at least. The last thing I needed was a 500th blue onesie!
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Phoebe on June 23, 2013, 08:19:20 PM
Just catching up on this thread.  I have to say that in my area, a gathering specifically billed as "Meet the Baby" is most always held because for one reason or another a baby shower was not held before the baby's arrival.  This is most definitely assumed to be a gift-giving occasion, just as a shower is.  It's a "post-natal" shower. 

The label "uptight" is not a nice one to toss around haphazardly.

Just because one "assumes" it's a gift-giving occasion doesn't make it so.

LadyR, people that want to gift will do so.  I always gift a relative's or friend's new baby.  If I knew a Meet the Baby gathering was happening soon, I'd wait to give my gift until then but I usually gift at the hospital or the first visit at home.  My family and friends don't expect if of me, I do it willingly. It makes me happy to welcome a new addition. Plus, I never ever think such thoughts as 'gimme pig' about the parents.

"Assumed" wasn't a strong enough word to use, my error.  If one, in this region, attends an event specifically called a "Meet the Baby" function, it's just not done to go without a gift for baby any more than it is to attend a traditional baby shower.   Apparently that isn't the case in your region.  Differences make the world go round.  What is done here isn't anymore right or wrong than what is done elsewhere.



Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: LilacGirl1983 on June 24, 2013, 07:57:01 PM
OP here...Thank you for all the replies. The meet the baby is this weekend. We had some people rsvp yes. I am hoping for a good turn out. It will be nice to see extended family. I told my mom that it is not expected for anyone to bring gifts so if anyone asks she can pass that along. I didn't want anyone to think they had to. As for BBQ that is way to expensive. We are doing home made cupcakes, fruit punch, chips, chex mix...simple munchy stuff.
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Thipu1 on June 26, 2013, 11:01:38 AM
In our experience, a 'Meet the Baby' party is held when the parents aren't going to have a Baptism or similar rite usually performed when the child is an infant. 

Like any party, we'll bring some sort of a gift.  For a dinner party, we'll produce a bottle of wine or a pound of wild rice.    A 'Meet the Baby' party seems to call for something to give the new member of the family. A package of birds-eye towels and a nice onesie in a size larger than the new-born seems right.   
Title: Re: Meet the baby
Post by: Mental Magpie on July 02, 2013, 09:47:02 AM
I've never heard of a meet the baby party.  If I received an invitation, I would assume it was exactly what it says it is: a party being held so people can meet the baby.  If I thought further about it, I would think it was because it would be less stressful on the new parents because many people could meet the baby in a short period instead of having to entertain a person here and there each for an hour or so at a time.  I probably wouldn't take a gift because I'm meeting the baby and this isn't a shower.

Just another perspective from someone who hasn't heard of them before E-Hell.