Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: ddawn23 on August 14, 2013, 12:56:11 PM

Title: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: ddawn23 on August 14, 2013, 12:56:11 PM
I'm in the process of buying my first house, and will be moving out of my parents' house and into my house later this year.  My friends and family are all excited about the milestone and want me to have a party, so I will.  My aunts and grandmother are particularly excited and have been pressuring my mother to have me register.  This seems really over the top to me as I've never even heard of gift registry for anything but marriages and (first) babies.  I don't intend on registering, but I wanted to ask you, wise and varied ehellions:  Gift registry for a first house-- is that even done?
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: KenveeB on August 14, 2013, 01:14:16 PM
I bought my first house 5 years ago, and I had several people ask me where I was registered before my housewarming party. I was shocked, as I had never heard of doing that before. I didn't think it was right, so I never registered. (When people asked, I just said something generic like "my kitchen is blue with sunflowers.") It just seems too gimme to me. Housewarming gifts are more "tokens" than registry-type gifts. I mostly got bottles of wine, with the occasional houseplant or something similar.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: BeagleMommy on August 14, 2013, 01:24:27 PM
I've never seen this before, but it doesn't surprise me.  I wouldn't do it either.  Most housewarming gifts I've seen have been gifts of wine, flowers/plants, food or knick knacks.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Sharnita on August 14, 2013, 01:41:15 PM
I don't know. I've had people here mention that singles who are never married and thus miss out on the showers and wedding gifts that set up the households of others can have housewarmings. Now, around here housewarmings are not really common but it seems like ateas where they are common, registries might be acceptable.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Shabooty on August 14, 2013, 01:42:23 PM
I thought the purpose of a house warming was to show off your new digs to friends and family.  If I received an invitation with a registry card, I would politely decline.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Coralreef on August 14, 2013, 01:43:26 PM
Registries are getting out of hand!  Next thing you know, you're going to receive a registery request from Staples for changing jobs.   >:(

Never heard of one for a housewarming. 
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: MariaE on August 14, 2013, 02:31:33 PM
Housewarmings are definitely gift-giving occasions in Denmark. To the point that I would be less surprised by somebody not having a wedding registry than by somebody not having a housewarming registry.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Coralreef on August 14, 2013, 02:50:22 PM
Housewarmings are definitely gift-giving occasions in Denmark. To the point that I would be less surprised by somebody not having a wedding registry than by somebody not having a housewarming registry.

With all the regional différences, we'll need a cross-reference table of country/gift-giving so we can be up to date  ;)
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: cwm on August 14, 2013, 02:53:00 PM
Housewarmings are definitely gift-giving occasions in Denmark. To the point that I would be less surprised by somebody not having a wedding registry than by somebody not having a housewarming registry.

With all the regional différences, we'll need a cross-reference table of country/gift-giving so we can be up to date  ;)

I like that plan.

Back on topic, I don't consider a housewarming party a gift-giving party at all. I was surprised when I asked my friend to help me move into my apartment and she got me a new necklace as a housewarming gift. It was extremely touching, but I wouldn't dream of expecting things from people. AFAIK, housewarming parties are to show off the new place you have, not to furnish it.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Oh Joy on August 14, 2013, 03:04:33 PM
I would say it isn't done.

However, that doesn't mean that you can't create a Wish List on Amazon to keep track of all of the gazillion things you want to buy (you can even include things that aren't sold on Amazon) for your new digs over the next years as you think of them or research them.   It's kind of a practical idea as you prioritize and shop.  Plus, if Mom or someone asks (now, during the holidays, for your next birthday...), you can tell them how to find it.

Best wishes!
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Shea on August 14, 2013, 03:48:56 PM
I thought the purpose of a house warming was to show off your new digs to friends and family.  If I received an invitation with a registry card, I would politely decline.

I agree. When friends move into new places, I usually bring a basket with a loaf of bread, some fancy salt and a bottle of wine, which is what was commonly done for housewarmings where I grew up. Other small things, like houseplants or dishtowels or something, seem normal too, but a registry strikes me as very grabby.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Roe on August 14, 2013, 03:53:30 PM
I would not appreciate being invited to a housewarming with a registry.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Outdoor Girl on August 14, 2013, 03:58:49 PM
OP, I think you should just make up a list for your Aunts and Grandma with a few little things you want or need.

Tea towels, wooden spoons, gravy boat, that kind of thing.  It'll make them happy and you can avoid doing a registry.

Or, you know, what Oh Joy said.   ::) at myself for not reading all the posts.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: ddawn23 on August 14, 2013, 04:25:22 PM
I would not appreciate being invited to a housewarming with a registry.
To be clear, Roe, Shabooty, et al, the registry my aunts and grandmother want would not be public knowledge or something that would be mentioned in the invitations.  Normal registry etiquette would still apply.

Small update: My mom told my aunts and grandmother that instead of registering I'd make up a list of stuff I needed for them, which seemed to appease them, but which I did not agree to.  I think one of the reasons it makes me uncomfortable is that there wasn't this sort of to do made when the other grandkids moved out on their own, however I am also the first grandkid to move out on his/her own without simultaneously getting married.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: LeveeWoman on August 14, 2013, 04:35:29 PM
I would not appreciate being invited to a housewarming with a registry.
To be clear, Roe, Shabooty, et al, the registry my aunts and grandmother want would not be public knowledge or something that would be mentioned in the invitations.  Normal registry etiquette would still apply.

Small update: My mom told my aunts and grandmother that instead of registering I'd make up a list of stuff I needed for them, which seemed to appease them, but which I did not agree to.  I think one of the reasons it makes me uncomfortable is that there wasn't this sort of to do made when the other grandkids moved out on their own, however I am also the first grandkid to move out on his/her own without simultaneously getting married.

Go ahead and let them do it because it sounds as if they want to do this for you and it'll make them happy.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Thipu1 on August 14, 2013, 05:04:42 PM
I've never heard of a Housewarming Registry, either.  In our experience, any gifts brought to a party like this are about the same as regular Hostess gifts.

If the new home is a 'leaving the family nest' sort of thing a close relative may choose to give something a bit more substantial like a toaster or a piece of cookware but that's for the relative to decide. 

Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: KenveeB on August 14, 2013, 05:40:56 PM
I would say it isn't done.

However, that doesn't mean that you can't create a Wish List on Amazon to keep track of all of the gazillion things you want to buy (you can even include things that aren't sold on Amazon) for your new digs over the next years as you think of them or research them.   It's kind of a practical idea as you prioritize and shop.  Plus, if Mom or someone asks (now, during the holidays, for your next birthday...), you can tell them how to find it.

Best wishes!

I think that's the best solution. I always keep an Amazon wish list ready as my personal shopping list, but that doesn't mean I can't give it to someone who says they want to give me a gift. :)
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: m2kbug on August 14, 2013, 05:59:46 PM
[I agree. When friends move into new places, I usually bring a basket with a loaf of bread, some fancy salt and a bottle of wine, which is what was commonly done for housewarmings where I grew up. Other small things, like houseplants or dishtowels or something, seem normal too, but a registry strikes me as very grabby.

This is what I do!  It's for good luck! :)  A pretty basket or bowl that can be used or displayed as decoration is a bonus.

Bread that this house may never know hunger.
Salt that life may always have flavor.
Wine that joy and prosperity may reign forever.


I have never heard of a gift registry for new home.  This would be a first for me.  I'm not sure I really see this as a bad thing or gift-grabby, but do have to agree,  this does seem to go over the top. 

When my husband and I did a housewarming, we weren't expecting any gifts at all.  We'd both been living independently for years, we just didn't need anything.  People wanted to bring us gifts, and I kept saying we're not expecting or asking for gifts.  I did feel a little grabby, but eventually I caved in and just thought some nice home decor would be nice; things to decorate the home that we might not get around to buying ourselves right away, and tossed out any ideas about that we could use, and just let them run with it.  At the end of the night, we ended up with about a dozen cutting boards. ;D  People gave us some really nice decorations for the pot shelves, tea towels, bath towels, which ultimately became the color theme for the bathroom, and it was just really nice and very much appreciated!
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: CookieChica on August 14, 2013, 07:16:09 PM
How about an Amazon Universal Wishlist that you could refer the squeaky wheels to? I keep one all year so I can remember things I like and give ideas to family that ask around my birthday or Christmas.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: gellchom on August 14, 2013, 08:02:40 PM
I give close friends a gift for a new home, party or no party.  My favorite is a gift certificate to a website like SwitchHits, where they can choose fancy switch plates (that is the only time I like to but gift certificates, even).  For a new neighbor, food or a plant.

I still would find a registry for a housewarming or new home in very bad taste, here in my US community.  There are a lot of occasions for which we give gifts.  That doesn't make them appropriate for registries, no matter how hard people try to convince themselves that ”it's really for their convenience" and "everyone is asking me where I'm registered.". No, everyone isn't.

I bring a gift to a friend in the hospital, too.  What's next, a registry for that?   :)
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: bopper on August 14, 2013, 08:29:25 PM
Remember:

Registering and telling someone because THEY ask and it is a convenience to THEM to know what you might like  is fine.
Registering and telling someone because you think they should be giving YOU present is NOT FINE.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: AnnaJ on August 14, 2013, 09:26:41 PM
I would not appreciate being invited to a housewarming with a registry.
To be clear, Roe, Shabooty, et al, the registry my aunts and grandmother want would not be public knowledge or something that would be mentioned in the invitations.  Normal registry etiquette would still apply.

Small update: My mom told my aunts and grandmother that instead of registering I'd make up a list of stuff I needed for them, which seemed to appease them, but which I did not agree to.  I think one of the reasons it makes me uncomfortable is that there wasn't this sort of to do made when the other grandkids moved out on their own, however I am also the first grandkid to move out on his/her own without simultaneously getting married.

I think it's perfectly reasonable, and good for your aunts and grandmother.  You may not get married for some time (or not at all).  It sounds like the ladies would like to have the opportunity to treat you in an equivalent fashion as they have your siblings and cousins, and it would make them happy.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Margo on August 15, 2013, 05:31:28 AM
I think giving someone who has asked you for suggestions is completely different to registering. I think since your aunts are asking, it is OK to give them some suggestions (whether directly, or via an amazon wish list)

I have never heard of a registry for anything other than weddings, here (UK).

For a housewarming party I might take something small such as a bottle of wine or house plant, but I wouldn't see it as automatically being a gift giving occassion.

For a very close friend or family member I might buy a small gift - for example, my parents gave me a coffee maker as a house warming gift when I moved into my current house, I sent them flowers when they moved into their house (I knew the last thing they'd need was any more 'stuff')



Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: aussie_chick on August 15, 2013, 05:56:53 AM
I would find it strange to hear about a registry for a house warming. In Australia, in my circle of friends, we rarely give gifts for this kind of thing except a token plant or bottle of wine.

When I moved into my first (owned) home, my dad and sister gave me a plant and some wine glasses and I was grateful because I didn't really expect anything. Nothing from friends.

Having said that, when I first moved out of home into my first rented flat, a couple of close family friends bought me a washing basket and filled it with cleaning products. Their rationale was that those products can be very expensive, especially to buy all at once. This way, I had everything I needed and they all get used at different rates so I didn't have to buy all at once again. This was absolutely the best house warming gift ever! It was basically washing powder, stain remover, ironing spray, cloths, sponges, scourers, dishwashing liquid, toilet cleaner, bathroom cleaner, general spray n wipe cleaner, pegs. So if you're ever looking for ideas for a house warming or moving out of home gift for someone, i strongly recommend this!
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: shhh its me on August 15, 2013, 06:25:07 AM
I would not appreciate being invited to a housewarming with a registry.
To be clear, Roe, Shabooty, et al, the registry my aunts and grandmother want would not be public knowledge or something that would be mentioned in the invitations.  Normal registry etiquette would still apply.

Small update: My mom told my aunts and grandmother that instead of registering I'd make up a list of stuff I needed for them, which seemed to appease them, but which I did not agree to.  I think one of the reasons it makes me uncomfortable is that there wasn't this sort of to do made when the other grandkids moved out on their own, however I am also the first grandkid to move out on his/her own without simultaneously getting married.

I think it's perfectly reasonable, and good for your aunts and grandmother.  You may not get married for some time (or not at all).  It sounds like the ladies would like to have the opportunity to treat you in an equivalent fashion as they have your siblings and cousins, and it would make them happy.

Since they are asking for gift ideas its appropriate to answer.   
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: z_squared82 on August 15, 2013, 08:20:50 AM
How about an Amazon Universal Wishlist that you could refer the squeaky wheels to? I keep one all year so I can remember things I like and give ideas to family that ask around my birthday or Christmas.

This, definitely. It's not a traditional registry, and you can think of it more as a "To Buy for Myself" list. If other people buy you things from it, so be it. You don't have to feel awkward going to a store and picking up the scan gun. And you can add everything from a gravy boat to a garden hose.

I keep one to remember things I want to get for myself, books I want to get from the library, examples of furniture I'm keeping an eye out for, etc. And then my parents and siblings shop from it for my birthday and Christmas, too, because it makes it so much easier for them. It's kind of the best thing ever.

(And then I have a hidden list for all the things I want to give my niece.)
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: chibichan on August 15, 2013, 08:34:22 AM
I would also be really put off by a registry card in a housewarming party invitation .

It would feel less like " Come celebrate my new home " and more like " Here's what I want . "
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Goosey on August 15, 2013, 09:44:17 AM
I think a wishlist would be much better than a registry.

Making a registry seems a little "off" to me simply because, in my experience, a housewarming gift is a plant or bottle of wine/liquor, not really a GIFT gift. So, setting up a registry specifically for the housewarming would make it seem like you do expect GIFT gifts for the occassion and that doesn't jive with my expectations.

A wishlist is more generic and can be for any occassion so if people are like "what do you want for your birthday/Christmas/Hump Day?" you can say, "Oh, I have a bunch of things on my wishlist that I was looking at!"
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: *inviteseller on August 15, 2013, 09:52:15 AM
It seems like there is registries for everything now a days!  I actually heard last week of someone who created one for going off to college and had included it in their graduation party announcements.  When anyone in my circle has bought their first house, the guests to the housewarming party usually brought bottles of alcohol to stock a bar, or a plant or some knick knack (brass cricket for the hearth was the coolest one I saw).  I usually will get a picture frame or some nice place mats.  If someone invited me to a housewarming and told me where they were registered, after my eyeballs quit rolling, I would wish them well on their new place and decline the invite. 
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Mrs. Tilney on August 15, 2013, 10:30:03 AM
I purchased my first house last year and held a housewarming and a LOT of people asked me for gift suggestions. I wound up receiving quite a few gifts, most of which fell into the dishtowel/wine category, but some were other kitchen gadgets and quite a few gift cards to Home Depot, Bed Bath & Beyond, and Lowe's. I think this is because, as a single woman in my mid-30s, I haven't been married and this gave my friends an opportunity to shower me that they hadn't had before. I wasn't registered anywhere and was overwhelmed by everyone's generosity.

On the other hand, my sister and her husband purchased their second home at the same time and also had a housewarming, in which they received only typical hostess-type gifts. I imagine that the stage of life the person is in greatly affects the gifts received.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: ladyknight1 on August 15, 2013, 10:42:40 AM
We are buying a house this December, and want to host a holiday open house, I hope to avoid receiving gifts, but I will mention Christmas ornaments if anyone insists. However, we are not a new household, we have lived as a couple for 19 years.

I don't think it is rude to have a registry, but I would not solicit gifts via a registry, only if asked specifically by someone close to me.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: mbbored on August 15, 2013, 11:19:32 AM
When I bought my first house and had a housewarming, I gave ideas about my decor to those who asked for gift ideas. I'd say "Well, my kitchen is blue and yellow, I've got a lot of open shelves in my living room and would love some bookends," etc.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Outdoor Girl on August 15, 2013, 11:30:05 AM
There is nothing wrong with having an Amazon wishlist or a registry.

There is nothing wrong with passing on said list or registry to those people who ask if you have one.

It is rude to automatically send that registry with an invitation to any function, with the possible exception of baby and wedding showers.

ladyknight1, your post reminded me.  A friend of my parents had a tree trimming party every beginning of December.  She'd supply the tree and and the decorations and food for the party and folks would come, usually bringing an ornament for the tree.  Everyone else got to come to a hosted party; the hostess got her tree decorated.  I thought it was a great idea for a party.  And it would make a great housewarming party if you are holding it before Christmas.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: ladyknight1 on August 15, 2013, 11:31:35 AM
I like that kind of party also, because the host can set up stations of nibbles and beverages, but not have to be serving constantly. If you have the event at a non-meal time, you can even do lighter snacks.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: bopper on August 15, 2013, 12:53:06 PM
I would also be really put off by a registry card in a housewarming party invitation .

It would feel less like " Come celebrate my new home " and more like " Here's what I want . "

What about if you got an invitation that didn't mention a registry.   Would that be okay?
What if this person registered but didn't tell you.  Still okay?
What if this person told people who requested a registry about it.  Still okay?
What if this person didn't tell people who did not ask about a registry.  Still okay?

You are assuming that registering  = putting a registry in the invitation.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: gellchom on August 15, 2013, 12:58:31 PM
Certainly I understand that HAVING a registry does not equal ANNOUNCING the registry -- that would ALWAYS be a no-no.  We are discussing simply having a registry for something like a housewarming, and only telling people about it if they ask.

I don't think anyone said it is RUDE to have a housewarming registry.  And I certainly think that we'd all agree that there is nothing wrong with telling your relatives and close friends who might be asked by others for ideas a few things you would like, as long as they (and you) wait until asked. 

But setting up a registry for yourself when you move, graduate, have a birthday, Christmas, bar/bat mitzvah, etc., even though these are events for which people buy gifts, strikes many of us here as really off-putting, even if you don't send the registry info out.  It may not be an etiquette violation, but you can't control how people will feel about it, and that's what we are telling the OP.  People may get used to such registries, as they have, in my lifetime, to baby registries, which seemed odd at first.  But they haven't yet.

In my opinion, it just seems too anticipatory of others' generosity and too much an attempt to influence the form that generosity should take. 

I appreciate that the same logic applies to wedding registries.  The reason wedding registries are acceptable is that they were originally only for things that come in patterns or sets, so that's the only way guests could buy them; the store kept track of the pattern and the number that had already been purchased.  (And that's why I have the same objection to wedding registries that go on and on for page after page, way past things that come in patterns or sets, too.  They make me feel much more pushed to choose my gift only from the preselected items.  The whole term "off-registry," as if it were a departure from the expected norm, makes me cringe.)
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Goosey on August 15, 2013, 01:06:04 PM

What about if you got an invitation that didn't mention a registry.   Would that be okay?
What if this person registered but didn't tell you.  Still okay?
What if this person told people who requested a registry about it.  Still okay?
What if this person didn't tell people who did not ask about a registry.  Still okay?

You are assuming that registering  = putting a registry in the invitation.

Well, here's the thing - people talk. So, if someone who was also going to the housewarming party said, "Have you been to the registry yet?" to me, I'd be surprised because I thought a bottle of wine was all I was going to need to bring. I probably wouldn't decline to go, but I'd feel awkward not bringing a gift from the registry and a bit - I'm not sure exactly what the right word it, but the closest I can come to is uncomfortable or disconcerted that housewarming parties have become such a gift-giving occassion that they have registries now.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: bloo on August 15, 2013, 01:06:43 PM
It seems like there is registries for everything now a days!  I actually heard last week of someone who created one for going off to college and had included it in their graduation party announcements.  When anyone in my circle has bought their first house, the guests to the housewarming party usually brought bottles of alcohol to stock a bar, or a plant or some knick knack (brass cricket for the hearth was the coolest one I saw).  I usually will get a picture frame or some nice place mats.  If someone invited me to a housewarming and told me where they were registered, after my eyeballs quit rolling, I would wish them well on their new place and decline the invite.

Parking my POD here.

I can't believe all the gift-receiving opportunities I've blown. No registry for a bridal shower, wedding, either of my kids or when we moved into the two homes we've purchased in the 20+ years we've been married.

My purpose in throwing a house warming (which I never did - we show hospitality A LOT and throw parties in excess of 100 + people annually*) would be to celebrate my first and presumably only home with friends and family. But our mindset is to move (regularly apparently) so I've informed DH that I will never put my name on a mortgage ever again.

Amongst our social circle in every state I've ever lived in (five) housewarmings are not done (maybe it has something to do with my religion - the only common denominator I can think of). Hospitality is expected to be shared amongst all friends. While I wouldn't condemn anyone for throwing a housewarming (within our association) we just...don't do them.

*in fact we're planning a party for around 250 persons for early fall.

Certainly I understand that HAVING a registry does not equal ANNOUNCING the registry -- that would ALWAYS be a no-no.  We are discussing simply having a registry for something like a housewarming, and only telling people about it if they ask.

I don't think anyone said it is RUDE to have a housewarming registry.  And I certainly think that we'd all agree that there is nothing wrong with telling your relatives and close friends who might be asked by others for ideas a few things you would like, as long as they (and you) wait until asked. 

But setting up a registry for yourself when you move, graduate, have a birthday, Christmas, bar/bat mitzvah, etc., even though these are events for which people buy gifts, strikes many of us here as really off-putting, even if you don't send the registry info out.  It may not be an etiquette violation, but you can't control how people will feel about it, and that's what we are telling the OP.  People may get used to such registries, as they have, in my lifetime, to baby registries, which seemed odd at first.  But they haven't yet.

In my opinion, it just seems too anticipatory of others' generosity and too much an attempt to influence the form that generosity should take. 

I appreciate that the same logic applies to wedding registries.  The reason wedding registries are acceptable is that they were originally only for things that come in patterns or sets, so that's the only way guests could buy them; the store kept track of the pattern and the number that had already been purchased.  (And that's why I have the same objection to wedding registries that go on and on for page after page, way past things that come in patterns or sets, too.  They make me feel much more pushed to choose my gift only from the preselected items.  The whole term "off-registry," as if it were a departure from the expected norm, makes me cringe.)

gellchom I'm glad I read your post before posting. You've perfectly articulated how I feel about registries in general.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: StoutGirl on August 15, 2013, 02:02:28 PM
I love CoralReef's first comment!  LOL

I've never heard of a housewarming registry and can never imagine setting up one.  However, I liked how someone suggested sharing their Amazon wish list and I would be willing to do that if asked what I want/need (after I weed through the 800 items and pick out a few things that would be appropriate for a housewarming).  I would also be willing to invite people to look at my Pinterest boards to gain a little bit of inspiration, and share that I love succulents.  Other than that, I would not do or say anything else and accept any gift graciously.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Shea on August 15, 2013, 02:39:53 PM
[I agree. When friends move into new places, I usually bring a basket with a loaf of bread, some fancy salt and a bottle of wine, which is what was commonly done for housewarmings where I grew up. Other small things, like houseplants or dishtowels or something, seem normal too, but a registry strikes me as very grabby.

This is what I do!  It's for good luck! :)  A pretty basket or bowl that can be used or displayed as decoration is a bonus.

Bread that this house may never know hunger.
Salt that life may always have flavor.
Wine that joy and prosperity may reign forever.



Exactly! I knew the symbolism behind the items, but I never heard the pretty little poem before. I'm actually going over to a friend and her husband's new place this evening, and bringing the aforementioned present. Maybe I'll write out that poem on a card as well :).
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: MariaE on August 15, 2013, 03:32:53 PM
I think a wishlist would be much better than a registry.

I wasn't aware there was a difference. In my earlier comment, I meant a wishlist.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Roe on August 15, 2013, 03:35:28 PM
Housewarming parties are not gift giving occasions.

A nice bottle of wine or some bread as a PP mentioned is always a nice thought but certainly gifts shouldn't be expected.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Sharnita on August 15, 2013, 03:39:53 PM
I guess a bottle of wine or other alcohol seems like it would cost about the same as.a bath towel or some oven mitts so I guess I don't really see getting all that upset because wine makes a house feel homey but for the same price a kitchen item or other household item wouldn't?
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: magicdomino on August 15, 2013, 04:53:57 PM
I think a wishlist would be much better than a registry.

I wasn't aware there was a difference. In my earlier comment, I meant a wishlist.

Goosey is probably thinking of wishlists the same way I do.  It is a list for me; things that I'm considering, things to pad out an order (more important before Amazon Prime, when you needed $25 worth of stuff to get free shipping), things that I'll buy when I have the money.  Now, if Best Friend wants to look at that list and order my Christmas present?  Cool.  But the primary audience for the wish list is Yours Truly.

I've heard of housewarming registries.  I've even heard of housewarming registries with big ticket items.  I haven't heard good things said about them.  Traditionally, housewarming gifts are small, more-or-less generic items.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: daen on August 17, 2013, 01:27:54 PM
I had a housewarming when I bought my house because I was proud of it and wanted to show it off. It was only when the first eight or ten people showed up, each with a gift, that I realized that housewarming attendance = housewarming gift in my area.

I had issued invitations to quite a lot of people, including my next-door neighbors (who didn't show up), and I still cringe to think that my invitation may have come across as a gift grab.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: KenveeB on August 17, 2013, 06:21:19 PM
I had a housewarming when I bought my house because I was proud of it and wanted to show it off. It was only when the first eight or ten people showed up, each with a gift, that I realized that housewarming attendance = housewarming gift in my area.

I had issued invitations to quite a lot of people, including my next-door neighbors (who didn't show up), and I still cringe to think that my invitation may have come across as a gift grab.

I would never think of a housewarming invite as a gift grab. Even though you typically bring a gift, it's not a big gift. It's more the bottle of wine, set of dish towels thing. If you're grabby for that, boy, there's trouble. :)
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: gellchom on August 18, 2013, 09:38:34 PM
I see a very big difference between an Amazon.com wish list and a registry. 

A registry is connected to a particular event: traditionally a wedding, now also new (especially first) baby, which are events for which people traditionally needed equipment for a very different stage of life -- unlike other gift-giving occasions like graduations, bar/bat mitzvah, birthdays, Christmas, etc.

A wish list on a site like Amazon.com is just there all the time, whenever someone wants to know if there's something you've been longing for.   It doesn't disappear after a set period of time like a registry usually does.  If someone buys an item on it for you, it's still there, I believe, unlike a registry, which is managed by the store or site.  If someone ever wants to buy you a gift, for whatever reason, they can see what you would like.

And, as magicdomino says, people do use them as shopping lists for themselves, too --  even though Amazon.com now does have separate lists for wish and shopping -- which I found out the hard way when I thought I had bought the perfect gift for a friend, because I bought it off her amazon.com wish list, only to have her say, "This is exactly the one I already have!" when she opened it (not very politely, eh?  :))  She had bought it for herself or perhaps received it as a gift from someone else and forgot to remove it from her list.

A wish list does not indicate that you are thinking that people will be buying you gifts for any particular occasion.  A registry does.

So a "housewarming registry" suggests that you are expecting people will buy you substantial gifts for your new home.  And although many people do buy housewarming gifts, they tend to be small items like plants or coasters, except perhaps from very close friends and family, who don't usually use a registry to know your needs and tastes -- they just ask you or surprise you.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Library Dragon on August 19, 2013, 12:24:24 AM
Housewarming parties are not gift giving occasions.

A nice bottle of wine or some bread as a PP mentioned is always a nice thought but certainly gifts shouldn't be expected.

Perhaps it was time of life and the culture, but 30 years ago when I was in the Army it was very much a gift giving occasion.  Office staff would often get together and give a larger gift. Generally we were 20 somethings with little household goods.  We all took a great deal of pride in contributing to a new home.  I remember the invitations I bought for my housewarming came pre-printed with lines for room colors.  I would have been considered rude for not giving that info.

Now, when we had our last big move and hosted a housewarming we had more than enough stuff.  I much preferred a bottle of wine--well, except for that pink stuff I had to give away.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: MariaE on August 19, 2013, 12:53:33 AM
I see a very big difference between an Amazon.com wish list and a registry. 

A registry is connected to a particular event: traditionally a wedding, now also new (especially first) baby, which are events for which people traditionally needed equipment for a very different stage of life -- unlike other gift-giving occasions like graduations, bar/bat mitzvah, birthdays, Christmas, etc.

Ah, that explains it then. We don't use registries in Denmark - we only have wish lists.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Marbles on August 19, 2013, 06:09:15 PM
Housewarmings in our circle usually involve a small gift, either something for the home or a consumable like wine or cookies.

I don't mind folks sharing their wish lists when prompted.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: artk2002 on August 19, 2013, 08:31:13 PM
I think a wishlist would be much better than a registry.

What's the difference?  Registry is a wish list and nothing more.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: bloo on August 19, 2013, 10:02:56 PM
I think a wishlist would be much better than a registry.

What's the difference?  Registry is a wish list and nothing more.

Actually I think gellchom, above, explained the differences and the pitfalls of the wishlist quite well.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Goosey on August 20, 2013, 07:09:27 AM
I think a wishlist would be much better than a registry.

What's the difference?  Registry is a wish list and nothing more.
A wish list is a general list that you create to remind you of things you want - future purchases you want to make. It's like a shopping list of wants instead of needs. It has no ties to a particular event and is there year round. Should someone ask what you want for birthday/christmas, it's a good place to point them, but it doesn't carry the expectation of presents for any particular event. It's just there.

A registry is tied to a particular event. It usually has a time limit and implies that that event that a registry is created for is a gift-giving event (and, at least in my experience, is traditionally reserved for weddings, baby showers, and significant birthdays).
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: Ginger G on August 20, 2013, 08:28:48 AM
Well, you could do what one of my coworkers did - she sent out invitations to her housewarming party over a year after she moved in that included a bulleted list of all the stores she wanted gift cards from. ::)  Needless to say, I declined the honor of this invitation and the opportunity to purchase a gift card for her.  This is the same coworker who when she was expecting her second child, handed everyone in the department a printout of a crib with the dollar amount written in that was due from each of us.  She is a walking etiqette nightmare.
Title: Re: Gift registry for a housewarming?
Post by: gellchom on August 20, 2013, 11:00:28 AM
Ginger G., yikes! 

I thought of another big difference between a wedding registry and a wish list at a site like amazon.com: a registry is directed toward a specific group of people who are invited to an event: wedding or shower (baby or bridal). 

A wish list isn't.  It's just always there for anyone who wants to use it, including yourself as a "to-buy" list.