Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Family and Children => Topic started by: Gone on August 17, 2013, 10:32:27 PM

Title: Gone 6
Post by: Gone on August 17, 2013, 10:32:27 PM
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Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: snowdragon on August 17, 2013, 10:39:17 PM
Two quick questions regarding serving children food in your home:

At what age would you expect a child to use the phrase "I don't care for this" or some variation thereof as opposed to "It's yucky"?

I would not expect anyone to use "I don't care for this" it seems too formal.I would expect a child of school age to find something other than "it's yucky" tho. And I would expect a parent to correct "It's yucky in younger kids.

Assuming the child has had a certain level of tragic circumstances, how far would you extend that age  I wouldn't. Tragic circumstances do not mean you get to be rude with impunity. I would expect the adult in charge to correct "it's Yucky" no matter what the circumstances. 
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: magician5 on August 17, 2013, 10:46:03 PM
I would expect most people, regardless of age, to avoid the need to use either phrase. I'd ask if whatever I was serving is something they could or would eat and be prepared to get them something different if necessary - assuming, of course, that their tastes are not unreasonably limited and that I'm not offering them something they've never tried before (so they wouldn't know if they liked it or not). And also assuming that it's usually within reason to fix them something that they just can't stand my version of.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: LeveeWoman on August 17, 2013, 10:47:12 PM
Two quick questions regarding serving children food in your home:

At what age would you expect a child to use the phrase "I don't care for this" or some variation thereof as opposed to "It's yucky"?

Assuming the child has had a certain level of tragic circumstances, how far would you extend that age?

Not my child, not my issue.

If you don't want to host a child who has problems, then don't host that child.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: LizC on August 17, 2013, 10:47:28 PM
Our learn by age two to say "No, Thank you!" in a cheerful voice, if it's something they don't want to eat. Well, except for my son, but he didn't say any words until he was three. By 3.5, he was saying, "No, thank you!" very easily.

I think it depends on family expectations, but ours have been raised from infancy that "no, thank you" or "none for me, thanks" are reasonable, and "yuck" or other variants are not tolerated.

But, we also have a family thing about not needing to swallow a test bite; they'll try anything, because they know it's fine to excuse themselves (with a quiet "Excuse me for a minute") and go spit an unwanted test bite into a non-visible garbage can or toilet. And then respond to additional portions with "No, thank you."
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: LizC on August 17, 2013, 10:51:00 PM
I have nieces/nephews who have had tragic circumstances in life, and I don't find that a mitigating factor. Our extended family does have a bit of "you're free to upgrade the manners as needed" attitude, so my siblings and siblings-in-law are blunt with their kids that if they want stuff at Auntie Liz's house, they're going to need to use manners, or nothing will be forthcoming, even if they don't use please/thankyou in their own households. The kids adapt fast. :)

If a child is new to our household meals and not related, I'll let them know ahead of time that they are free to say Yes, Please, or No, Thank You, but that "YUCK" and "gross" are not allowed at my table. They also adapt fast.

Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: LeveeWoman on August 17, 2013, 11:10:30 PM
Two quick questions regarding serving children food in your home:

At what age would you expect a child to use the phrase "I don't care for this" or some variation thereof as opposed to "It's yucky"?

Assuming the child has had a certain level of tragic circumstances, how far would you extend that age?

Not my child, not my issue.

If you don't want to host a child who has problems, then don't host that child.

I am so unbelievably offended by this. This child happens to be my PIL's foster son whom they are in the process of adopting. As soon as that happens, he will be my BIL and my childrens' uncle. There is no way I would consider not hosting this child. He is family!

But you are right, it is not your issue. It is, however, an issue that I have to deal with, which is why I asked for advice here.

I had no way to know that this situation was this close to you because you did not indicate it in  your first post. To  the contrary, your language was rather vague.



Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: lynnetteleigh on August 17, 2013, 11:13:18 PM
I think by age 4 or 5 they can be able to articulate that they don't like a certain food. By either saying they don't want it placed on their plate with a "no, thank you". Or if asked why they haven't touched something already on their plate with a "Sorry, I don't like *insert food here*".

In your case it sounds like maybe the child wasn't taught the appropriate response though. Which pretty much means the parent/adult caring for them just needs to keep reminding them of the appropriate response until it sticks.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: cass2591 on August 17, 2013, 11:28:01 PM

I had no way to know that this situation was this close to you because you did not indicate it in  your first post. To  the contrary, your language was rather vague.

Considering it was a straight forward question that required no backstory other than curiosity, I don't know why it even matters. Nevertheless, your first reply was out of line. If the OP wanted to know how to avoid hosting a child, she would have asked. She didn't.

Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: LeveeWoman on August 17, 2013, 11:34:25 PM
I was wrong, and I apologize.



I had no way to know that this situation was this close to you because you did not indicate it in  your first post. To  the contrary, your language was rather vague.

Considering it was a straight forward question that required no backstory other than curiosity, I don't know why it even matters. Nevertheless, your first reply was out of line. If the OP wanted to know how to avoid hosting a child, she would have asked. She didn't.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: *inviteseller on August 17, 2013, 11:57:46 PM
I have a very picky child who has texture/eating issues and I have really been driving home since she was 3 and starting to eat a bit better that she use the "no thank you" lone instead of "ewwww yuk"..still a struggle at home but she is good at it outside.  As far as circumstances, the kindest thing (and I am sure you know this) is to treat this child as a normal child and set the same expectations a child of his age should be acting at.  While it may take awhile, it will only benefit them (and again, I am sure you know this).  Congratulations to your parents and you on the new addition.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: amylouky on August 18, 2013, 12:07:46 AM
Depending on age and what the circumstances were, he could be a few years behind on emotional maturity and social development, so I'm glad you're taking that into consideration. I think expecting him to act age-appropriate will probably lead to a lot of frustration. That will come in time.
My 5 y/o can generally remember to say "No, thank you, I don't like those", but it's still a struggle for my just-turned-4. His initial reaction is still "YUCK!".
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: CookieChica on August 18, 2013, 12:20:23 AM

I had no way to know that this situation was this close to you because you did not indicate it in  your first post. To  the contrary, your language was rather vague.

Considering it was a straight forward question that required no backstory other than curiosity, I don't know why it even matters. Nevertheless, your first reply was out of line. If the OP wanted to know how to avoid hosting a child, she would have asked. She didn't.

I think it matters a little. Now I know the circumstances and my opinion is that there may have never been anyone in his life previously to correct these behaviors so I would give more leeway (although now is a great time to learn).

Agree that the response was not appropriate though.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: Kiwichick on August 18, 2013, 04:27:50 AM
Ask your PIL how they want you to handle it.  I imagine if his life has been somewhat traumatic up to now, consistency would be vital.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: Carotte on August 18, 2013, 06:43:06 AM
You can expect any child to behave his age when he has been brought up to behave - up to his current age. Let's not forget that kids actually have to be taught everything, they come to you as a blank slate. If no one wrote on it that you don't say Yuck (and why), he's gonna say yuck.
It might be one of the many lesson to catch up on when his peers learned about it years ago, but it shouldn't take long.
("lessons" to catch up happen whith every kids, from stable family to not, from neurotypical kids to not, you can't blame a kid for something that no one thought about teaching them for whatever reason.)

I tried to explain to an 8y/o and a 10y/old this summer that you don't 'yuck the yums' of someone, it didn't stick, I guess no one had told them before or will tell them after that.. :o
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on August 18, 2013, 06:46:13 AM
Ask your PIL how they want you to handle it.  I imagine if his life has been somewhat traumatic up to now, consistency would be vital.

I agree about consistency. I would give some leeway for a child who might not have been taught table manners up till this point (though I imagine your PIL's have probably been working with him) because as a pp said he might not have the emotional maturity due to the circumstances which I gather were upsetting. 

Like they say "start as you mean to go forward." :)   
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: Sharnita on August 18, 2013, 07:09:49 AM
Actually, my undetstanding of "Not my kid, not my problem" was that if it isn't ypur kid you arem't in cjarge of enforcing what tjey eat  or how they vernalize tjeir fispleasure with.certain foods. And because some people do have a hard time ceding that control, they might need to avoid those situations. It see,s like good advice in general. I dom't understamd ,aking tje quedtion vague and tjen getting offended bevause an amswer that applies to the vague feels offensive when applied to the hidden specifics.

I do think it is wise to remember that kids have more taste buds than we do so they might actually taste things that we miss. Also, food can be closely tied with memory so if I was eating X the day a certain event happened, the memory could be so bad that even the smell makes me sick. A child might have difficulty expressing that reaction in socially acceptable language.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: JenJay on August 18, 2013, 08:34:57 AM
I've taught my kids since age 3 or so to say "I don't care for X". They are absolutely not allowed to say something is disgusting, gross, weird, etc., even to me. I'll serve them a small portion of something new, expect them to take a decent sized bite, and then they can finish or not. In a potluck type situation they will serve themselves whatever they want, they don't have to try everything, but they know to take a reasonable amount and finish whatever they've taken.

I don't think it's rude for a child to politely express a preference for foods. As an adult I wouldn't serve myself something I didn't like. If the dish was the only thing offered I would take a small portion and then say I wasn't very hungry or something. I allow my kids to do that too.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: shhh its me on August 18, 2013, 11:12:34 AM
 Considering the tragic nature I'd probably treat the child as if they were a bit younger in terms of correction.  So I would ignore the "thats yucky" from a  3 year old and model what I would prefer " Oh you don't like peas. No thank you no peas for (insert child's name) " this is for guest children. For an older child I might normally say " I don't like the phrase thats yucky. It hurts my feelings.  You can say "no thank you" if you don't want something and that wont hurt my feeling."    For children I have permission to correct first I'd make sure parent and I are doing the same correction and then proceed accordingly.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: Tea Drinker on August 18, 2013, 12:14:16 PM
I'd cut him slack for "I don't like carrots" rather than "no thank you" while he's learning. (Whether it's your job to teach him what he should say is a separate question; it sounds like you and your in-laws have that under control.) Also, within the family, I think either "no, thanks, I don't like carrots" or "no thanks, I'm not hungry" is reasonable. Those are because if I'm hosting someone, it's worth knowing whether I want to offer them something else. A hungry guest should be fed if reasonably possible, which doesn't mean I'm necessarily going to offer to cook, but I can get out some bread and butter, but I don't need to offer you the carrots, the cucumber salad, and some bread and butter if you had pizza just before visiting me and aren't hungry. However, "no thank you" is okay in either case, and I the adult/host can then decide whether I should offer something else.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: snowdragon on August 18, 2013, 02:50:57 PM
I'd cut him slack for "I don't like carrots" rather than "no thank you" while he's learning. (Whether it's your job to teach him what he should say is a separate question; it sounds like you and your in-laws have that under control.) Also, within the family, I think either "no, thanks, I don't like carrots" or "no thanks, I'm not hungry" is reasonable. Those are because if I'm hosting someone, it's worth knowing whether I want to offer them something else. A hungry guest should be fed if reasonably possible, which doesn't mean I'm necessarily going to offer to cook, but I can get out some bread and butter, but I don't need to offer you the carrots, the cucumber salad, and some bread and butter if you had pizza just before visiting me and aren't hungry. However, "no thank you" is okay in either case, and I the adult/host can then decide whether I should offer something else.

  Considering this is a new addition to the family...they need to hear some of the "I don't likes" so they can get to know his preferences and the things he *really* doesn't like.  Maybe something like "You don't like carrots, that's good to know. If you tell us 'I don't like this' we will remember that better than if you tell us Yucky" or some such.
 
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: sweetonsno on August 18, 2013, 03:39:34 PM
Answer to first question: I don't think there's anything wrong with expecting a verbal child of any age to find an alternate phrasing to "It's yucky."

Answer to the second question: Based on the backstory, the child gets a pass for at least a couple of months while s/he gets used to the unfamiliar rules in a new household.

I think that in your situation, the best thing to do is have a talk with the in-laws. Ask them how they want you to handle these situations.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: MOM21SON on August 18, 2013, 06:01:47 PM
My son, was and still is very picky.  Now that he is a teen he is picky in a good way, no creamed sauces, no cheese, no eggs, no dips, no casserole type foods.

I would say by the age of 3 he learned to say no thank you.  BUT, he also knew it was rude to ask for something else or say YUCK.  He would always find at least one thing he liked and he also knew only to take a serving of that until he was offered more.  He still does that to this day.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: Sharnita on August 18, 2013, 06:05:43 PM
My son, was and still is very picky.  Now that he is a teen he is picky in a good way, no creamed sauces, no cheese, no eggs, no dips, no casserole type foods.

I would say by the age of 3 he learned to say no thank you.  BUT, he also knew it was rude to ask for something else or say YUCK.  He would always find at least one thing he liked and he also knew only to take a serving of that until he was offered more.  He still does that to this day.

Not sure how this qualifies as "picky in a good way" as opposed to other pickiness.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: MOM21SON on August 18, 2013, 06:15:50 PM
My son, was and still is very picky.  Now that he is a teen he is picky in a good way, no creamed sauces, no cheese, no eggs, no dips, no casserole type foods.

I would say by the age of 3 he learned to say no thank you.  BUT, he also knew it was rude to ask for something else or say YUCK.  He would always find at least one thing he liked and he also knew only to take a serving of that until he was offered more.  He still does that to this day.

Not sure how this qualifies as "picky in a good way" as opposed to other pickiness.

The items are not the healthiest.  never liked them so it was nothing to give up.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: VorFemme on August 18, 2013, 06:39:40 PM
My nephew was gravely injured at age three (six months in hospital - three of them in a coma).  He was left with a number of issues - both medical and mental.

Before age five, he had grasped that "no, thank you" got him a pass on eating whatever it was a lot faster than "yuck!" - whether at Grandma's house, Aunt VorFemme's house, a fast food place (while traveling), and at day care or school.

If he is going to be your "younger brother", then your parents are probably going to be able to let him know that "at THIS house" or "in your new family" we ask politely for things to be passed, we say "no thank you" to things that we don't want, and we are polite - because if we don't, Mom and Dad are not happy.  If Mom and Dad are not happy - then YOU will not be happy for long.

Or as one younger brother found out, if HE didn't like the meal, then he was invited to fix the next one.  Or at least make his own meal since Mom was going to be spending the evening grading papers, as it was a school night.  He can still cook....but that might also be why his son learned good manners quickly - Dad knew Grandma & Grandpa wouldn't let the kid starve - but he wasn't going to get away with bad manners at the dinner table, either.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: MommyPenguin on August 18, 2013, 07:10:26 PM
For my kids, I don't mind them telling me, when I'm not serving something to them, what they like and don't like.  We've talked to them about not asking what's for dinner and then saying, "Oh, I don't like that," but it's okay to generally say they don't like whatever, or to, when given a choice between two things, to tell me that they don't like one. 

But that's at home.  When we are invited to somebody's house, I remind them that we're on "company manners."  That means that, unlike at home, they don't have to try *anything* if they don't want to (at home they must try a "no, thank you" bite of each thing).  In return, though, they are not to say yuck or that they don't like something.  They are to say, "No, thank you, it's not to my taste." 

The 4-year-old and 6-year-old grasp this and have for a good while.  The 2-year-old basically understands it but could be expected to make a mistake.  I think 3 is a reasonable age to grasp this.  However, the parent needs to explain it, it's not something they figure out on their own.

Since you said this is a close relative, I think it's acceptable to say, if the child says "yuck!" or "I don't like that," something along the lines of, "Billy, it's okay not to like green beans.  But I took a long time to try to make them special for everybody, and it hurts my feelings when you say you don't like them.  Would you just say, "No, thank you," or "they're not to my taste," (or whatever you'd prefer) next time?  If you just say "no, thank you," I won't serve you any and you won't have to eat them, but I also won't get my feelings hurt."  Maybe?  Or a shorter version of the same?
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: artk2002 on August 18, 2013, 07:43:24 PM
At least as a host, I don't buy "Not my kid, not my problem." I feel free to correct a child who is rude to me. If their parents don't like it, then they can teach the child to be polite. "Yuck" is rude. "No thank you" is polite. I'd much prefer an honest "I don't care for this," so that I didn't serve the child something that they didn't like. That goes for any guest.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: baglady on August 18, 2013, 07:59:15 PM
Tragic circumstances or not, if a child is old enough to talk and be understood by others -- age 3 or so -- s/he can be taught to say "No, thank you" instead of "Yuck!"

If an adult pushes a food on a child who has offered a polite "No, thank you" or "I don't care for ___," and gets a "Yuck" or a "Noo! I don't like __; it's yucky!" in response, it's the adult who is rude.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: blarg314 on August 18, 2013, 08:18:49 PM
In general, I would expect a child to start *learning* this from a young age - from the point where they're able to articulate the expression, and are no longer reflexively spitting out food they dislike onto the person feeding them.

I would expect it to take a while before they master it, though. Polite lying is a skill that takes some time to grasp and to get right. Gracefully turning down food you think is gross when you're visiting someone's house and your host (the person who made it) is offering it to you takes some tact and experience.

As an aside - strictly speaking, telling your host "I don't like that" is not the polite way to turn down food you're offered as a guest.  Some kids, though, will be taught to state their dislike directly, and the difference between "Yuck", "I don't like that"  and "I don't care for that" is a difference in language, not logic (they mean basically the same thing). So fine tuning how to express dislike can be confusing. Other kids will be taught simply to say "No thank-you" and other kids will be taught to eat what they're served and not complain.

If you have hosts in the last camp, and guests in the first, an "I don't like that" will be seen as bad manners by the hosts, and perfectly polite by the guests.

For little kids, I would go more by how the parents react than the kids. If a kid says Yuck and the parents say "Oh, don't worry sweetie. You don't have to eat the nasty food - we'll have McDonald's on the way home" then none of them are getting invited back. If the kids says yuck and the parents correct them, that's a different matter.

For the case in the OP - I would give a fair bit of leeway. It's not fair to expect a child that age who hasn't been taught a behaviour to grasp it instinctively or learn it immediately. It's also common for children to temporarily regress under stress to an earlier stage of development.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: White Lotus on August 18, 2013, 08:28:37 PM
I believe in "my house, my rules" when it comes to manners and children.  Also "my children, my rules" when others would let them slack off away from home.

"In this house, we say, 'not for me, thanks,' when we don't want something.  You didn't know that so you get a pass.  This time.  Now, would you like some carrots?  (Prompt for correct response) No, thank you.  None for me.  Great.  Good job.   Would you like some radishes instead?"

Don't over complicate or get into feelings, IME.  Just let the child know the rules.  Children like having clearly defined rules, consistently enforced.  I normally do not specify consequences first time out because I have found the little dears have sufficient imaginations to come up with all sorts of dreadful things Mama/Aunt Lotus/Dr. Lotus might come up with rather than the more prosaic time out or mandatory chore that might actually happen.  I do sometimes mentioned totally outlandish things I might do in passing, at other times.  So they are never quite sure I might not hang them upside down in the trees like bats for the night, and I rarely have to go there.

Congrats on the new member of your family.  He will come round just fine with a little directness and consistency.  What a good thing for your family to do!
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: SlitherHiss on August 19, 2013, 12:43:33 PM
I believe in "my house, my rules" when it comes to manners and children.  Also "my children, my rules" when others would let them slack off away from home.

"In this house, we say, 'not for me, thanks,' when we don't want something.  You didn't know that so you get a pass.  This time.  Now, would you like some carrots?  (Prompt for correct response) No, thank you.  None for me.  Great.  Good job.   Would you like some radishes instead?"

Don't over complicate or get into feelings, IME.  Just let the child know the rules.  Children like having clearly defined rules, consistently enforced.  I normally do not specify consequences first time out because I have found the little dears have sufficient imaginations to come up with all sorts of dreadful things Mama/Aunt Lotus/Dr. Lotus might come up with rather than the more prosaic time out or mandatory chore that might actually happen.  I do sometimes mentioned totally outlandish things I might do in passing, at other times.  So they are never quite sure I might not hang them upside down in the trees like bats for the night, and I rarely have to go there.

Congrats on the new member of your family.  He will come round just fine with a little directness and consistency.  What a good thing for your family to do!

This is how we handle things in my home. Way I figure, no kid (relative or friend) comes into my house already knowing all the ground rules, and it would be silly of DH and me to expect them to. However, it's not silly for us to expect them to learn the ground rules. So, if they don't use the polite language or practices we're teaching our kids, we gently correct them and move on.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: cwm on August 19, 2013, 02:55:49 PM
Personally speaking, I don't think it's terribly rude for a small child to say "I don't like X," depending on tone.

Example, if I'm serving green beans and a kid said, "No thanks, I don't like them," I would consider that to be perfectly acceptable. If they just said they were yucky, it would be different, but I don't see how it's rude for a child to express his/her desires when offered something.

Side note:
My cousin's quintuplets were only allowed to use the word yucky for things that were physically dirty (like diapers or mud or the like), not for food. They were frequently having to take medicine via syringe for various allergies/ailments. And frequently the medicine would end up on necks, faces, clothes, etc. It also smelled disgusting, and I can't imagine it tasted much better.

R took one sip of the medicine, had a look of pure disgust on her face. Then she saw it all over her brothers' shirts and said, "It's YUCKYEEEEEE!!!!!" while shaking her head back and forth. It was quite hilarious.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: BeagleMommy on August 19, 2013, 03:19:18 PM
Dandy Andy, I don't know if your FBIL is at the same maturity level of most six-year-olds (I couldn't tell from your post), but my aunt and our family used the following with my godson who has Asperberger's.

"When someone wants to give you food you don't like just say no thank you.  If you tell them the food is yucky it will hurt their feelings."

It worked pretty well, although there will probably have to be many reminders.
Title: Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
Post by: gellchom on August 20, 2013, 03:29:27 PM
We used the same rule that my parents used with my brother and me -- the Yuck rule:

1) You don't have to eat anything you don't want to eat.  Not even one bite, not even a taste of a new food.

2) UNLESS: if you say "yuck" or make any other disparaging comment, noise, or grimace about anything that anything that is being served, you have to eat it.  A LARGE portion of it.  No appeal, because you got yourself into it and have no one to blame but yourself.

Believe me, no child violates that more than one time; some zero times, because seeing your sibling going through it is enough!

The point was to teach us that it is extremely rude to disparage what others are eating.  And it worked, on both generations.  I expect my kidz will use it, too, when they are parents.

But of course you can't teach only by negative reinforcement of violation.  So long before our kids were old enough to understand any kind of rule, or even barely old enough to talk, like, I don't remember, probably by age 2, we just hard-wired it into them:
"Thusnelda, would you like some peas?  'Yes, please,' or 'No, thank you'?"   (We didn't teach them "I don't care for that," because that is beside the point, too.)  The point is to make it second nature.  To them, it might as well have been all one word in either case: yesplease or nothankyou.  They just naturally learned to answer that way without any explanation of why, the same as you teach "say please" long before the child is old enough to understand what manners are.  Come to think of it, maybe this is why "I'm good" instead of "no, thank you" or at least "I'm good, thanks" sounds so rude to me. 

As for correcting other people's children, I think you have to know which relationships allow for that and which don't, even in your own home.  I am usually inclined to do it, but I try to be sensitive about the way I do it.  (Obviously I don't enforce the dreaded Yuck rule against children who aren't on notice of it!)