Etiquette Hell

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Title: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on September 01, 2013, 12:56:43 AM
This is intended to be a humorous look at the ridiculous things we’ve been criticized for by parents (and others) who can’t seem to find anything good to say about us. 

My dad is 86 and in a nursing home.  Writing letters is his favorite pastime, and I supply him with stationery supplies, including $400-500 worth of stamps every year.  I send a mix of newly released, pretty, and interesting stamps, although I have to censor the selection because of his conservative religious beliefs.

Recently he sent back a sheet of Purple Heart stamps because they made him “sad”.  A sheet of patriotic stamps with the words Equality, Justice, or Liberty made him angry.  He used them only to write to me, and always wrote some nasty remark beneath them, such as “Equality is a joke”.  I hope very much that my mail carrier doesn’t think I share his opinions. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on September 01, 2013, 08:23:45 AM
MIL is always amazed (and slightly appalled) that we aren't riveted by televised tennis and golf matches. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: rose red on September 01, 2013, 08:47:38 AM
My mother always ask why I "chose "to be short.  And why of all the things I could have learned from my dad, why "learned" to have premature gray hair and diabetes.  It's funny because she's being clueless.  Otherwise, I would be spitting mad.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on September 01, 2013, 09:05:34 AM
Growing up...Why are all your friends fat?

One of her favorite phrases...What will the neighbors think?

When we talk, which isn't often, mom brags about how musically talented my niece is. She IS a very gifted musician, and I am very proud of her. For some reason, mom has forgotten, that I too, was pretty talented, but I don't really remember her bragging to my grandparents about that. I only wish that at the same age, I had half the amount of confidence my niece has.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: veronaz on September 01, 2013, 09:22:48 AM
My father was a huge hypocrite/Dr. Jekyll~Mr. Hyde.  He would bounce back and forth from being a benevolent Christian to being a Satanic sadist who actually derived job from making people miserable.  Several times he told me I needed to go up and down my street, knock on doors, and ask people (strangers) if they needed anything or if there was anything I could do for them because he felt I was selfish with my time.  (Folks, I couldn’t make this up.)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CakeBeret on September 01, 2013, 09:23:39 AM
My mom likes to make snarky comments about the fact that we live in an older neighborhood and not a pricey subdivision. When we got a home alarm system for peace of mind, she said "maybe you shouldn't be living there if you need an alarm." FTR it's a perfectly nice neighborhood, nicer than where I grew up in fact, she just seems to have forgotten that not all of us marry for money.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: poundcake on September 01, 2013, 09:25:09 AM
Every summer, my mom berates me for not wearing shorts. Even when I wasn't fat, I wasn't a fan of shorts, but to mom, every summer, you are supposed to go buy some cute "short sets" and flip flops. I hate short sets and flip flops. But every June, she wants to know if I'm going to the sale at such-and-such big box store, because they have some "really cute short sets!" Sorry, but shorts and a sleeveless button-down in matching plaid are going to make me look like a block and bare way more skin than I want. I stick to jeans, t-shirts, and flowing skirts, but my mom insists that I can't be cool in hot weather without wearing shorts. A couple times, she's bought me a "shorts set" (which she shouldn't be doing on her budget anyway) and insisted I wear them, because it's more important to "be cool" when it's hot out than not be wearing something I hate that makes me uncomfortable. The last time she did that, I told her to take them back to the store. I'll stick with my hippie skirts, thank you.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: that_one_girl on September 01, 2013, 10:26:56 AM
I'm in my early 30's and I still get the "drinking alcohol will cause you to get knocked up" speech from my mom.   Like, really?  Even when I explain that I prefer to drink at home ... she still gives me the speech.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: BarensMom on September 01, 2013, 11:04:12 AM
I'm in my early 30's and I still get the "drinking alcohol will cause you to get knocked up" speech from my mom.   Like, really?  Even when I explain that I prefer to drink at home ... she still gives me the speech.

After all, you never know what's in those bottles of demon rum. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mbbored on September 01, 2013, 11:04:22 AM
Any time I drive somewhere by myself. "Ooh, that doesn't seem like a good idea. What if you get bored or have car trouble?"

For the record, I drove from NC to Colorado by myself, hauling a 14 foot trailer, from NC to the Florida Keys and back again (twice) from NC to Northern California, Nor Cal to So Cal, etc. But nope, she's still afraid I'll "get bored."
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: BarensMom on September 01, 2013, 11:09:34 AM
My father would criticize DH & I every time we bought something new.  Why, you ask?  Because "You should've given it to your sister.  She doesn't have any money, and I know she needs a (car, coat, thingamabob)." 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Bexx27 on September 01, 2013, 11:13:11 AM
Growing up, it was always that I needed a haircut. Now it's that my DD always needs a haircut (according to my mom). It works out pretty well for me actually; my mom is sufficiently bothered by DD's slightly long hair that she'll take her to the salon on her dime (with my permission). I haven't paid for DD to get her hair cut for about a year now.  :D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: snowdragon on September 01, 2013, 11:32:23 AM
I have facial hair ---my father's mother had it as well.  My mother tells me once a day ( at least) that  it is "offensive to other people for them to have to see that" and I need to get rid of it.  her solutions are always but always painful and expensive.

as a teen I was a cross- country runner, a competitive swimmer and a long distance biker.  I had suitable muscles my parents were forever harping about how fat I was.  Because I wore a size 10. I wore most boy's clothes and my brother who was younger than I by three years could raid my closet and have my clothes be tight on him - but I was fat and needed to loose weight.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Jocelyn on September 01, 2013, 11:37:24 AM
Wearing anything but tiny earrings will make people think badly of you.
But my all-time favorite was when my mother discovered I have a big supply of makeup. Always have, since college. Splurging on eyeshadow is pretty cheap retail therapy, IMO. But one time she saw the box  and told me that to save money, I should get rid of all that makeup. I asked how getting rid of perfectly good and useable items SAVED money, and she had no answer. I could 'get'  that perhaps I should use up what I have before getting more would be economical, but not that throwing out what I have would save money.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 01, 2013, 11:50:22 AM
Growing up, it was always that I needed a haircut. Now it's that my DD always needs a haircut (according to my mom). It works out pretty well for me actually; my mom is sufficiently bothered by DD's slightly long hair that she'll take her to the salon on her dime (with my permission). I haven't paid for DD to get her hair cut for about a year now.  :D

Maybe it really has nothing to do with your mother's aversion to long hair.  Maybe your Mom just really gets a kick out of taking your DD to the salon for DD/Grandma bonding time.   ;)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Clockwork Banana on September 01, 2013, 12:00:11 PM
[quote author=CrazyDaffodilLady link=topic=129815.msg3006150#msg3006150 date=1378015003]
This is intended to be a humorous look at the ridiculous things we’ve been criticized for by parents (and others) who can’t seem to find anything good to say about us. 

My dad is 86 and in a nursing home.  Writing letters is his favorite pastime, and I supply him with stationery supplies, including $400-500 worth of stamps every year.  I send a mix of newly released, pretty, and interesting stamps, although I have to censor the selection because of his conservative religious beliefs.


Yowsa!  That is a lot of stamps.  So I don't know the cost of a US domestic stamp, but assuming it is around 50 cents, $400 - 500 worth of stamps annually means your dad is writing and mailing between two and three letters a day?  Who on earth does he send all this mail to, other than you?

As far as the topic at hand, when I was a child/pre-teen, I was typically criticized for my choice of friends. They were never good enough (for who, I don't know, because I was a "waste of space" anyway). It usually had to do with their parents occupations or rank, since I was an army brat.  If I hung out with the child of a lower-ranking family, I was wasting my time, yaddahh.

I stopped talking about friends as much as possible and NEVER had them over.  Even at age 10, I realized the unwarranted snobbery was completely ludicrous.



Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Specky on September 01, 2013, 12:15:33 PM
Growing up, my Mother would start telling me, no matter what it was (reading a book, a craft or project, anything), "Why are you doing that?  You'll never finish.  I don't know why you even start."  She would say this repeatedly every time I started something or she saw me working on whatever it was.  When I didn't do what she expected and stop/put it down, she would take it away, break it, throw it away, return the book ahead of time, and say, "See?  I told you you would never finish it.  I don't know why you start."
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: BarensMom on September 01, 2013, 12:19:16 PM
Growing up, my Mother would start telling me, no matter what it was (reading a book, a craft or project, anything), "Why are you doing that?  You'll never finish.  I don't know why you even start."  She would say this repeatedly every time I started something or she saw me working on whatever it was.  When I didn't do what she expected and stop/put it down, she would take it away, break it, throw it away, return the book ahead of time, and say, "See?  I told you you would never finish it.  I don't know why you start."

So, what did you do - sneak back to the library and finish the book there, or do all your projects at school or a friends house?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: nayberry on September 01, 2013, 12:22:48 PM
Growing up, my Mother would start telling me, no matter what it was (reading a book, a craft or project, anything), "Why are you doing that?  You'll never finish.  I don't know why you even start."  She would say this repeatedly every time I started something or she saw me working on whatever it was.  When I didn't do what she expected and stop/put it down, she would take it away, break it, throw it away, return the book ahead of time, and say, "See?  I told you you would never finish it.  I don't know why you start."

So, what did you do - sneak back to the library and finish the book there, or do all your projects at school or a friends house?


i'm guessing she wanted all your attention on her?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 01, 2013, 12:35:08 PM
My mother used to criticize my friends as well. The ones she liked were the girls who were conventionally pretty and thin.  Even better if they were from a good (upper middle class) families.  The girls who were a little different and not conventionally pretty or thin or just behaved a bit oddly were often criticized.

I remember one friend who was tall and stocky got criticized (never to her face) for not dressing more femininely but when she did for a dance, my mother said rather nastily, "She looks like a boy in drag."  >:(

Also my mother just couldn't understand why I wouldn't be more like her.  She loves to cook and has quite the green thumb. She'd gladly spend hours in the kitchen preparing a meal.  Me? Well I love a pretty flower and nice gardens but am not real good at keeping them up.  And staying in the kitchen for hours cooking sounds like torture to me. I'd rather throw something together within an hour and go do something else.   Also she's an extrovert, I'm an introvert.  She could never understand how I could be happy spending time alone and would insist I make more friends when what I really wanted to do was sit alone and read.

Nothing abusive just a matter of really not getting each other.



Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on September 01, 2013, 12:40:23 PM
Do your hair!

Stop coloring your hair!

You're too old to have long hair!

(Stuff it, Ma.). I didn't inherit her hair.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: cicero on September 01, 2013, 12:42:52 PM
My mother always ask why I "chose "to be short.  And why of all the things I could have learned from my dad, why "learned" to have premature gray hair and diabetes.  It's funny because she's being clueless.  Otherwise, I would be spitting mad.
yeah, like my father wonders why we (his children) *chose* to inherit our mother's teeth (which were bad) and not his (which are good). because when we were asked which teeth we want, we said "the bad ones! the bad ones!"


other than that, my father doesn't understand why i hate eating out, or why i don't want to take a three hour lunch with him every day.  ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: faithlessone on September 01, 2013, 01:11:19 PM
Not my parents, but my grandmother. Almost no matter what I wear, she finds criticism with something.

If I wear trousers/jeans, then I'm being too masculine. If I wear a long skirt, I'm a hippie. If I wear a short skirt or a top with a low neckline, I'm "giving it away". If I wear a simple t-shirt, I'm not trying hard enough.  If my clothes are loose, I look like I'm wearing a "sack". If they're fitted, they're too tight. If my shoes are flats, I'm "trying to look short" (I'm 5'4.) If I wear heels, "you'll break your ankles and ruin your feet, you know!"

I've given up caring though! I wear whatever I like, and if she doesn't like it, oh well.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: siamesecat2965 on September 01, 2013, 01:52:53 PM
My grandmother as well, and it was always my weight. Growing up, I swam competitively. I was never, and never will have, the body of a supermodel. I'm just not built that way. so when I graduated from college, and started gaining weight, she offered me a sum of $$, pretty decent, if I'd get down to x weight, a very specific number. Never mind if i were one or 5 lbs past that, and still looking good; no, I had to weigh that since that was the heaviest she had EVER been, and as were were the same height, but nto the same build, she felt that was the ONLY acceptable number for me.

I pretty much ignored subject when around her. I also had to fudge on clothing size; she was very generous and would sometimes buy me clothes for work, if she liked something, and I did too. But i could never tell her what size it was, say a 14 rather than a 10 or 12, as that wouldn't do at all, due to her ideas about weight etc.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: nuit93 on September 01, 2013, 02:18:02 PM
Mother:
-my weight (less so to my face nowadays)
-my skin
-the fact that I still haven't convinced my boyfriend to marry me (as if I wanted to and he was the one holding out?)
-the fact that we still rent instead of buying a home (unlike her and my sister, I didn't marry a well-off guy and what's more, we're still dealing with old medical bills that wiped out our savings).
-my lack of a social life in middle/high school...even though she sharply criticized kids who did anything other than study and do chores.  Hanging out at the mall was "the biggest waste of time ever and I'd better not find out about you doing it".
-the fact that I would come home after classes instead of staying and socializing when I got to community college...followed later by "you're always hanging out after school instead of coming home!"
-my religion (because she couldn't understand it and 'it involved too much reading and studying...why not choose something simple?')
-the fact that I decided to be more active in my religious choices instead of being a twice-a-year celebrant ("that won't get you anywhere in life!  You should get a second job instead!")

This was before I moved out, after that it was down to basic pleasantries since I'd had enough and was more than happy to stop talking to her altogether if she didn't remember the basic rule of "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all".

Bio-dad:
-expresses disbelief that we're related every time I decide not to drink (he's an alcoholic to the point of advanced cirrhosis).

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 01, 2013, 02:20:46 PM
...    I also had to fudge on clothing size; she was very generous and would sometimes buy me clothes for work, if she liked something, and I did too. But i could never tell her what size it was, say a 14 rather than a 10 or 12, as that wouldn't do at all, due to her ideas about weight etc.

Actually, you probably really weren't fudging on size.  A long time ago, if you wore a size 10, you wore a size 10.  It didn't matter what store you bought it at, it was a size 10. 

About 15 years ago I began noticing a very obvious and distinct difference in sizes (as labeled).  Moderately priced clothes might be a size 10.  But in extremely inexpensive clothes a size 10 might be tight, so one would need a 12.  But if you went the other direction and bought anything from Le Expensive Exclusive Boutique, you might find that a size 6 fits exactly like your size 10s. 

So all you could do was guess "about what size", right?   ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on September 01, 2013, 02:21:44 PM
Clockwork Banana, You asked about my dad's stamp habit.  He writes to a long list of relatives, former colleagues, and ex-students. He likes to make copies of newspaper and magazine articles and send them to everyone on his mailing list; often he puts two stamps on the envelopes. 

I supply him with a list of about 50 items. Almost every single one of them has to meet some weird specification that makes them nearly impossible to find -- which makes it more likely there will be something for him to complain about.  I ship him a box of supplies every three months.  He immediately complains that he has more of these items than he could use in a lifetime (his words).  About two months later he starts complaining that he's running low on things -- knowing full well that more are on their way soon.

I said that his number one pastime is writing letters. Number two is finding fault with me.  You wouldn't believe how many problems he can find just with the stamps.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Bellantara on September 01, 2013, 02:25:06 PM
Where do I start? Mother disdained my love of books, and of fantasy, and said I "Needed to grow up". Stepmother, on finding in HS that I was writing stories with a male protagonist, asked if I was unhappy as a woman.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: esteban on September 01, 2013, 02:36:46 PM
I have 2 that have shaped my life for a while.

I was not allowed to have a study hall as a kid in middle school or high school.  I had to take another class instead.  So at one point I was taking 300 level college German, first year french, and second year spanish.  I brought home a report card with 7 A's and 1 B (including the college courses I was actually taking at a university).  I was told that with grades like that I might as well give up because I was "Going to be flipping burgers for the rest of your bleeping life"  Yeah people wonder why I don't have fond memories of school, and the thought of going back makes me feel angry.

I started playing the cello as a 5 year old, because my parents wanted me to play an instrument and I was given the choice of the cello, Violin, or viola.  I picked cello.  For the next 12 years (until they decided I had to drive myself to lessons and I told them I would not go, and followed through on it by just not appearing until the teacher dropped me) any time I requested to stop playing cello (about once a week as I hated it) I was told "You picked it and you have to stick with it at least until you are 18."  When I donated that cello to my sons school I was as happy as I have been in a long time.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: laud_shy_girl on September 01, 2013, 02:40:16 PM
My sister criticizes... well everything. The most absurd thing she ever berated me for was just insane. (Que graphic that indicates long ago memory.)

I was about 14 so she was 18 and my mum worked nights. My dad was taking my mum to work and I went with them (because I would avoid being alone with sis at all costs) on the way out the door sis asks for a Macdonald.

My dad was non committal but on the way back from dropping mum off, we are coming up to the Drive through and I remind dad sis wants Macdonald's.

I am in the back and reading and other than telling dad I don't want anything, I don't pay any attention to what he orders for sis.

Now sis HATES! mayonnaise and when dad ordered he did not ask them to hold the mayo.

we get back sister starts eating and sees mayo.

Guess who was ranted at for 4 hours  about how they left the mayo deliberately to spite her?

That would be me. my dad told her repeatedly that he ordered and I had nothing to do with it but some how I was a useless spit-full waist of space because her burger had Mayo.

I say 4 hours but it would have been longer. I finally went to bed to get away from her ranting. She moaned for 3 days.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 01, 2013, 02:53:56 PM
I have naturally curly hair, thanks to my Dad, that Mom styled in ringlets when I was a kid.  When I hit highschool, I cut it short.  In university, I grew it back out but always wore it loose.  I got the 'Your hair looks like a rat's nest' comment many times.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 01, 2013, 02:56:04 PM
...   So at one point I was taking 300 level college German, first year french, and second year spanish.  I brought home a report card with 7 A's and 1 B (including the college courses I was actually taking at a university).  I was told that with grades like that I might as well give up because I was "Going to be flipping burgers for the rest of your bleeping life" ...

I started playing the cello as a 5 year old, because my parents wanted me to play an instrument and I was given the choice of the cello, Violin, or viola.  I picked cello.  ...  I was told "You picked it and you have to stick with it at least until you are 18."  ...

Seven A's and one B and you're going to be flipping burgers for the rest of your life?  Good grief!  Same with insisting that you continue to play an instrument you "chose" (of the three choices they gave you) until you're eighteen, even if you've grown to hate it?

I have to ask.  You don't have to answer.  But were your parents the same way with their own lives and with their own choices as they were with yours?   :o
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: emjo306 on September 01, 2013, 03:03:48 PM
When I was a child my mother would always get on my case about shuffling my feet - she's really not a critical woman, but she would always nag me about the shuffling. I resented having to thinking about "picking up my feet" and didn't understand why it was such a big deal.

I grew out of the shuffling...but now my oldest DS is a shuffler! I admit, the sound of his shoes scraping across the ground is irritating. But, I refrain from saying anything.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: DollyPond on September 01, 2013, 03:03:56 PM
Wearing anything but tiny earrings will make people think badly of you.

My mother's version of this was:

Pierced ears disfigure your face  :o

This is why my birthday present to myself for my 16th birthday was to get my ears pierced because you didn't need a parent's signature at that age. A few years later when I graduated from college she happily gave me diamond earrings for pierced ears - go figure!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Sirius on September 01, 2013, 03:14:16 PM
When I graduated from high school and wanted to study astronomy, I was told that "girls don't study science," and that I should be a teacher or a nurse.  While I admire both of those professions, I absolutely am not emotionally suited to either of them. 

My mother was always telling me, "Put that book down and go do something!"  She wasn't a reader, and apparently felt that reading wasn't doing anything. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Optimoose Prime on September 01, 2013, 03:32:04 PM
Oh, several things.  My favorite:  I was not feminine enough to get a boyfriend.  Yeah, I was 15 at the time.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on September 01, 2013, 03:36:10 PM
Oh, that one's fun!  I got the "No one's going to marry a cripple."  From my grandmother, who was born in 1902.  Never took her seriously as I never knew her to have a brain to mouth filter in the first place.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cyradis on September 01, 2013, 03:44:40 PM
When I graduated from high school and wanted to study astronomy, I was told that "girls don't study science," and that I should be a teacher or a nurse.  While I admire both of those professions, I absolutely am not emotionally suited to either of them. 

My mother was always telling me, "Put that book down and go do something!"  She wasn't a reader, and apparently felt that reading wasn't doing anything.

But don't nurses have to study science?  :o Or are chemistry and biology on some sort of "acceptable sciences for girls" list.

My mother has always been affronted that my standards of tidiness are lower than hers. She's not obnoxious about it but I know it mystifies her that I leave clothes draped over chairs and don't always make my bed. The clothes and linen are clean and I can always close my door. Every so often she goes into a "but you grew up in my house" speech.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Ser Lucien Liliane on September 01, 2013, 03:47:39 PM
She doesn't do it often, but...my mother seems to have very weird ideas about my money. :-\

She's altruistic to a fault (and for this, I blame my sister), so she NEVER buys herself anything, instead choosing to buy things for other family members instead. Well, since I've got my own income now, I like to return the favor and buy HER things - and sometimes that'll set her off on a rant tangent about how I should spend my money on ME, I don't need to be buying her things, she's never going to use what I got her, why am I wasting all my money on HER. Etc etc. (She has gotten better about it, and she'll even ask me to buy her small things every so often now. But god forbid I buy her anything over $10...)

The other bit of it, and this is the one that gets me, is that she tries to tell me how to spend my own money on myself, then turns around and rips into me for spending so much. I bought myself a new Nook tablet not too long ago, and while I knew it'd be perfectly useful and was worth it, I was still wincing over the price ($179 plus tax/accessories...I ended up spending over $200 on that) but she assured me that yes, I did need it, my old Nook was dying and had no backlight so it wasn't very useful anyway, and she was sure I'd use it quite often. Well, she was right, but it was what she did as we were walking out of the store that hurt.

She turned to me and, very accusingly, asked me why I'd spent so much money and how could I POSSIBLY rationalize spending that much and really why was I even allowed to have money anyway if I couldn't be responsible with it?

I wish I'd thought to turn around, go back to the store and return the tablet, but I was just too shocked and upset. *sigh* And I do use it, so it was worth it, but...first she encouraged me to buy it, then tore into me for buying it? I don't get it.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 01, 2013, 04:02:41 PM
^^^  Maybe she had no idea what they actually cost when she was encouraging you to buy a new one, so was surprised that they cost that much and then regretted telling you to go ahead and get it.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mbbored on September 01, 2013, 04:08:06 PM
Do your hair!

Stop coloring your hair!

You're too old to have long hair!

(Stuff it, Ma.). I didn't inherit her hair.

From my mother: Coloring your hair is lying to the world.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Ser Lucien Liliane on September 01, 2013, 04:08:54 PM
^^^  Maybe she had no idea what they actually cost when she was encouraging you to buy a new one, so was surprised that they cost that much and then regretted telling you to go ahead and get it.

We'd been looking at them the previous week actually, I would have bought it then except I hadn't got paid yet. And she was very encouraging up till the moment we walked out of the store. It was just so sudden, I'm not entirely sure what happened. :-\

From my mother: Coloring your hair is lying to the world.

Funnily enough, my mother doesn't complain about my habit of dyeing my hair unnatural shades of red. In her opinion, it could be worse, at least I'm not doing drugs or working a street corner!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: veronaz on September 01, 2013, 04:12:19 PM
Quote
She turned to me and, very accusingly, asked me why I'd spent so much money and how could I POSSIBLY rationalize spending that much and really why was I even allowed to have money anyway if I couldn't be responsible with it?

I wish I'd thought to turn around, go back to the store and return the tablet, but I was just too shocked and upset. *sigh* And I do use it, so it was worth it, but...first she encouraged me to buy it, then tore into me for buying it? I don't get it.

Wow, Liliane, this is really. . . . bizarre.  btw I would never consider turning around returning it.  It IS your money.  If you want to roll up $200 and set it on fire, that's your business. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Jocelyn on September 01, 2013, 04:17:04 PM
Wearing anything but tiny earrings will make people think badly of you.

My mother's version of this was:

Pierced ears disfigure your face  :o

This is why my birthday present to myself for my 16th birthday was to get my ears pierced because you didn't need a parent's signature at that age. A few years later when I graduated from college she happily gave me diamond earrings for pierced ears - go figure!
Mom made me wait until I was entering high school to get mine pieced. In her childhood, only old ladies or..uh...women people thought badly of, had pierced ears, and she was sure it was just a passing fad I would regret later. OK, I can give her that. The ironic part was that after I had to wait 2 years to get my ears pierced...she had HERS pierced within a year or two.
I stand to inherit some nice earrings that I gave her over the years.  ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: PastryGoddess on September 01, 2013, 04:28:02 PM
Do your hair!

Stop coloring your hair!

You're too old to have long hair!

(Stuff it, Ma.). I didn't inherit her hair.

From my mother: Coloring your hair is lying to the world.


I've heard this before.  And I've said "I'm not a big fan of matchy matchy decoration"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: siamesecat2965 on September 01, 2013, 04:31:01 PM
...    I also had to fudge on clothing size; she was very generous and would sometimes buy me clothes for work, if she liked something, and I did too. But i could never tell her what size it was, say a 14 rather than a 10 or 12, as that wouldn't do at all, due to her ideas about weight etc.

Actually, you probably really weren't fudging on size.  A long time ago, if you wore a size 10, you wore a size 10.  It didn't matter what store you bought it at, it was a size 10. 

About 15 years ago I began noticing a very obvious and distinct difference in sizes (as labeled).  Moderately priced clothes might be a size 10.  But in extremely inexpensive clothes a size 10 might be tight, so one would need a 12.  But if you went the other direction and bought anything from Le Expensive Exclusive Boutique, you might find that a size 6 fits exactly like your size 10s. 

So all you could do was guess "about what size", right?   ;D

True, but what I meant was she would question "what size did you buy?" and rather than say I bought x size, say 14, instead of the 10/12 she THOUGHT I should be wearing, I'd fib and say oh i bought a 12.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Ser Lucien Liliane on September 01, 2013, 04:37:45 PM
Quote
She turned to me and, very accusingly, asked me why I'd spent so much money and how could I POSSIBLY rationalize spending that much and really why was I even allowed to have money anyway if I couldn't be responsible with it?

I wish I'd thought to turn around, go back to the store and return the tablet, but I was just too shocked and upset. *sigh* And I do use it, so it was worth it, but...first she encouraged me to buy it, then tore into me for buying it? I don't get it.

Wow, Liliane, this is really. . . . bizarre.  btw I would never consider turning around returning it.  It IS your money.  If you want to roll up $200 and set it on fire, that's your business.

That was my thought, it was incredibly bizarre! I'm pretty sure it just came from a place of motherly worry ("what will you do in an emergency if you spend all your money?") but just came out wrong...
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: veronaz on September 01, 2013, 04:39:18 PM
Quote
From my mother: Coloring your hair is lying to the world.

Using that logic, so is wearing false eyelashes, any type of hair piece, Spanx, and having capped teeth.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 01, 2013, 04:44:46 PM
Quote
From my mother: Coloring your hair is lying to the world.

Using that logic, so is wearing false eyelashes, any type of hair piece, Spanx, and having capped teeth.

Padded bra?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: rain on September 01, 2013, 04:44:53 PM
this isn't mine, but from the grandfather (he is in his 60's) of one of my son's friends

he was complaining that HIS mom (80's) still told him how he should have his hair cut  :o 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 01, 2013, 04:48:14 PM
...    I also had to fudge on clothing size; she was very generous and would sometimes buy me clothes for work, if she liked something, and I did too. But i could never tell her what size it was, say a 14 rather than a 10 or 12, as that wouldn't do at all, due to her ideas about weight etc.

Actually, you probably really weren't fudging on size.  A long time ago, if you wore a size 10, you wore a size 10.  It didn't matter what store you bought it at, it was a size 10. 

About 15 years ago I began noticing a very obvious and distinct difference in sizes (as labeled).  Moderately priced clothes might be a size 10.  But in extremely inexpensive clothes a size 10 might be tight, so one would need a 12.  But if you went the other direction and bought anything from Le Expensive Exclusive Boutique, you might find that a size 6 fits exactly like your size 10s. 

So all you could do was guess "about what size", right?   ;D

True, but what I meant was she would question "what size did you buy?" and rather than say I bought x size, say 14, instead of the 10/12 she THOUGHT I should be wearing, I'd fib and say oh i bought a 12.

Exactly!  But you bought an outfit that was LABELED size 14 in the store in which you found it.  Had you bought a similar dress in a ritzier place, it would have been labeled a 10 or a 12.  So you weren't lying!  Not at all.  You just didn't notice which particular labeling system applied to the particular dress you bought, that's all.   It would have been a 12 somewhere!   ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: veronaz on September 01, 2013, 04:55:27 PM
Quote
Padded bra?

Yep!  (but, umm, I don't need one....trust me  ;) )
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on September 01, 2013, 05:12:11 PM
Do your hair!

Stop coloring your hair!

You're too old to have long hair!

(Stuff it, Ma.). I didn't inherit her hair.

From my mother: Coloring your hair is lying to the world.

Oh yes.  Now that I'm "too old to get married and have a family" coloring my hair is "trolling for sex with somebody else's husband".  I want to know what TV shows she's been watching!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mbbored on September 01, 2013, 05:25:48 PM
Quote
From my mother: Coloring your hair is lying to the world.

Using that logic, so is wearing false eyelashes, any type of hair piece, Spanx, and having capped teeth.

Padded bra?

Also, in my mother's world: any make-up beyond lipstick. Why lipstick isn't lying to the world, I don't know.

As for the bras, she thinks mine make my chest look "too showy." Not the bras themselves but the shape they give to me. I'm very sorry, mother, but wearing a smaller cup size isn't going to magically make the girls shrink.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Optimoose Prime on September 01, 2013, 05:44:53 PM
Do your hair!

Stop coloring your hair!

You're too old to have long hair!

(Stuff it, Ma.). I didn't inherit her hair.

From my mother: Coloring your hair is lying to the world.

Oh yes.  Now that I'm "too old to get married and have a family" coloring my hair is "trolling for sex with somebody else's husband".  I want to know what TV shows she's been watching!

Apparently soap operas.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 01, 2013, 05:46:41 PM
My mother criticized the hell out of me but the biggest shock was the bra size.   She once got on my case to lose weight so my breasts would shrink.

This from a woman who wore the horrible rubber padded bras in the 50s and early 60s.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on September 01, 2013, 05:56:33 PM
Do your hair!

Stop coloring your hair!

You're too old to have long hair!

(Stuff it, Ma.). I didn't inherit her hair.

From my mother: Coloring your hair is lying to the world.

Oh yes.  Now that I'm "too old to get married and have a family" coloring my hair is "trolling for sex with somebody else's husband".  I want to know what TV shows she's been watching!

Apparently soap operas.

You may be on to something there.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on September 01, 2013, 06:13:46 PM
MIL also used to advise me on clothes.  To be precise, she thinks my color combinations are too 'Modern'.   

Somewhere along the line, she took a seminar about dressing according to 'natural seasons'.  Because I am a 'Winter Person', my strong colors should be navy blue or dark green.  I should wear lots of white and my accent colors should be light green and baby blue.  On no account should I ever wear anything smacking of red, yellow or orange. Forget about purple.   

She hasn't pulled this up in a while but it was a real bone of contention for several years. 

It was especially annoying since my own mother refused to let me wear any colors other than blue and white until I was seven.  Even black or brown shoes were verboten.   
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cami on September 02, 2013, 11:30:08 PM
MIL also used to advise me on clothes.  To be precise, she thinks my color combinations are too 'Modern'.   

Somewhere along the line, she took a seminar about dressing according to 'natural seasons'.  Because I am a 'Winter Person', my strong colors should be navy blue or dark green.  I should wear lots of white and my accent colors should be light green and baby blue.  On no account should I ever wear anything smacking of red, yellow or orange. Forget about purple.   

She hasn't pulled this up in a while but it was a real bone of contention for several years. 

It was especially annoying since my own mother refused to let me wear any colors other than blue and white until I was seven.  Even black or brown shoes were verboten.
That's actually totally wrong for a Winter. Winters should wear bright, strong colors...like red, purple, yellow and orange. As an example, see the post here about Winters: http://personalitycafe.com/general-chat/37461-what-your-color-season-spring-summer-autumn-winter-fun.html
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: PastryGoddess on September 03, 2013, 12:05:01 AM
I remember the whole seasonal thing, but I think I may have been a smidge too young to really pay attention to it.  I remember being in middle and high school  and hearing about dressing and wearing makeup for your "season" but by the time I really started to pay attention in college, I didn't hear much about it anymore
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Library Dragon on September 03, 2013, 12:39:21 AM
My mother was/is always hyper critical, but my favorite is when she tells me I should "come out of the closet."  Her proof? That I didn't live with someone or get pregnant before I got married. I know that being happily married (except for the days I want to strangle DH) for over 30 and having two sons isn't definitive proof.  But as someone who has always gone my own way, if I needed to be with a woman I would have. 

Poor DH couldn't win with his DM.  If he hand wrote a letter she complained that she couldnt read his writing, if he used the computer it was impersonal, and then he was criticized because his brother who moved away didn't write. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Rockie on September 03, 2013, 02:07:39 AM
My mother was adamant that I not register to vote (never mind just about everyone else in my family is...) and got mad at me when I did anyway while I was away at college. It was during a presidential election, so I needed an absentee ballot since I was in another state at the time. I never got it, so I couldn't even actually vote that year (and then she proceeded to rub it in my face when her candidate won - we don't see eye to eye politics wise ::)). When I asked why, she said she didn't want me being called for jury duty. When I asked what was so bad about jury duty, she had no answer. ::) She at least seems to have gotten over that, though.

She's also criticized what field I wanted to go into and keep bringing up other fields she thought I should go into (and would get really pushy about it). Even when I did look into one of her suggestions (occupational therapy), she turned around and started saying it was a bad idea for me to go into it because I'd have to touch people a lot (yet she also suggested physical therapy and massage therapy as possible careers...oooookay...). When I pointed out she had suggested it and even had me talk to one of her patients who was in that field, she claimed "oh, it was just a suggestion, just exploring options". Whatever field I pick always seems to be wrong. For psychology: "but you'll be dealing with really crazy people and you'll get killed!" (ugh...) For speech therapy (wherein she even once offered to buy me a car if I would go into that instead of psych): "but you barely know how to talk yourself!"/"you sound like an FOB!". I give up...
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: JadeGirl on September 03, 2013, 03:01:30 AM
Apparently I'm too stupid to remember to drink water...and will need one of my parents to donate a kidney...and they're too old...

Because apparently tap water doesn't count. Only warm, filtered water (warm water? Blech!).

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Mel the Redcap on September 03, 2013, 04:02:42 AM
Y'know, I have some problems with my mother, but WOW. It coulda been so much worse! :o

I get some nagging about my weight, and I used to get a LOT of nagging about my standards of tidiness, but I think the funniest was about ten years ago, when she really REALLY wanted me to learn to drive. I was suffering from chronic migraines that were triggered by a bunch of things, including bright light, and direct sunlight or reflections off other cars' windscreens definitely qualified. They were frequently literally blinding, and I had no peripheral vision on my left side, so I informed her that if I drove with these problems I would end up committing vehicular homicide or similar. She continued to insist that I HAD to be able to drive. (In fairness, at the time she was working with abused women from country areas, and one thing they frequently had in common was that they had been isolated, unable to drive, and stuck on remote properties with nowhere to get away from their partner/husband. Mum therefore got a bee in her bonnet that for true safety, as a woman, I HAD to be able to drive. Never mind that I live in a major city with good public transport and people ten seconds' walk or one loud scream away for help...)

Me: "The sunlight triggers my migraines and I go blind, Mum. I can't drive. At least on the bus I can sit there with my eyes shut!"
Mum: "So, you don't look at the sun!"
Me: "Mum, seriously, I live to the west of my workplace. I'd be driving east into the sun in the mornings and west towards the sun in the afternoons."
Mum: "Well... well, drive the other way, then!"

Yes, Mum. I'm going to CIRCUMNAVIGATE THE GLOBE to get home at night. ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: caz on September 03, 2013, 05:21:16 AM
Quote
From my mother: Coloring your hair is lying to the world.

Using that logic, so is wearing false eyelashes, any type of hair piece, Spanx, and having capped teeth.

Padded bra?

As for the bras, she thinks mine make my chest look "too showy." Not the bras themselves but the shape they give to me. I'm very sorry, mother, but wearing a smaller cup size isn't going to magically make the girls shrink.

I just remembered!  When I was 19, my boobs were "too high"...  a few years took care of THAT!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Pen^2 on September 03, 2013, 05:48:46 AM
I used to be criticised for having a natural part in my hair. I used to be told how bad it looked, etc. and to change it, even though it would just move back to its natural position within minutes unless I stood perfectly still and didn't move a muscle. Yes, even with hairspray.

There's nothing like being told you look terrible just before people arrive for your birthday to ruin the mood. In hindsight, I suspect that I was told this and other similar things at purposefully strategic times, since it was always just before I saw friends or just when something good had happened and I was feeling happy.

My husband's mother constantly criticises him for being too short. I don't understand why, because height can't be helped, and if anything, she had more control over his height than he does (nutrition as a baby, arguably). And he is almost exactly average height (less than 1cm away), and he quit his job at the circus working as "Mr Amazing Tallest Man in the Whole Wide World" years ago  ::).
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: poundcake on September 03, 2013, 06:30:36 AM
Quote
My mother was always telling me, "Put that book down and go do something!"  She wasn't a reader, and apparently felt that reading wasn't doing anything.

Yours too? Mine usually told me that when she was lying on the couch watching television.  ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 03, 2013, 06:51:20 AM
This is all about anything they're not comfortable with.

I haven't taken a serious vacation in a long time, but when I went to Spain by myself in 1993 my mother refused to believe that I had a good time because I went there alone.  She couldn't let go of that, saying I should travel with other people.  I came to realize that she envied my ability to travel by myself.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: XRogue on September 03, 2013, 07:03:49 AM
How I fold laundry...I can be sitting there and make the exact same motions folding a towel as my mother does.... and it's wrong anyway.  ::) So when I lived with them and we did laundry together, I did the sorting and carrying instead, and let her do all the folding.

Also, my hobbies and manner of dress are apparently the fault of ExH.....because when I left him, Mom asked me when I was "going to stop dressing like a geek" and "quit watching science fiction on TV and reading SF novels too!" Uhm, never, I dress in blue jeans and tshirts (rarely dresses, those are a funeral/wedding/Easter Sunday type thing) because they are comfy and the natural fibers I wear keep my eczema from going insane. I prefer to not itch thank you. I have also been a Trekkie from age 3, and I'll read/watch what I like. If someone else finds it boring, they need not participate.

My hair is wrong too. I am "too old" to wear it long. Also I am a henna redhead, and was informed I shouldn't use henna because it "was an Arab discovery!" Please, no offense meant.

My response? "Guess we'll have to give up using zeroes then!"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CakeEater on September 03, 2013, 07:05:46 AM
Man, I love my parents!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: lady_disdain on September 03, 2013, 07:30:07 AM
How I fold laundry...I can be sitting there and make the exact same motions folding a towel as my mother does.... and it's wrong anyway.  ::) So when I lived with them and we did laundry together, I did the sorting and carrying instead, and let her do all the folding.

Also, my hobbies and manner of dress are apparently the fault of ExH.....because when I left him, Mom asked me when I was "going to stop dressing like a geek" and "quit watching science fiction on TV and reading SF novels too!" Uhm, never, I dress in blue jeans and tshirts (rarely dresses, those are a funeral/wedding/Easter Sunday type thing) because they are comfy and the natural fibers I wear keep my eczema from going insane. I prefer to not itch thank you. I have also been a Trekkie from age 3, and I'll read/watch what I like. If someone else finds it boring, they need not participate.

My hair is wrong too. I am "too old" to wear it long. Also I am a henna redhead, and was informed I shouldn't use henna because it "was an Arab discovery!" Please, no offense meant.

My response? "Guess we'll have to give up using zeroes then!"

And alcohol, coffee, the guitar, medical stitches and opiates for anesthesia. By the time you take away the alcohol and coffee, someone will really need the opiate and stitches.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 03, 2013, 08:35:55 AM
My folks's biggest issue with me was that I wasn't them. 

I swear I never really did lose that conviction that I must be adopted cause I am so different from them personality wise.  In short, my parents never really lost the yuppie mindset.  Also they're type A, I'm type B.  VERY laid back.  My mother would push me to move up the corporate ladder in any job I had as an adult and if I couldn't make more $$ at the job I was in, well I ought to quit and find one where I could! 

Now yes, having enough money to travel and buy things you want without having to save is nice and I would like to get to that point by the time our kids are out of the house.  But for now, I'm really okay with being able to take little vacations like a few days at the beach or going to visit friends in other states.   I do want to go to Ireland but we're waiting till the youngest is old enough to appreciate it and remember the trip, like around 8 or so.  So I'm not without goals but I don't have the desire to climb some corporate or social ladder.  It doesn't mean anything to me.

Now if they had said "Well to each their own" we wouldn't have had issues but they always acted like anyone who didn't think or value what they did, there was something wrong with them.    ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on September 03, 2013, 09:06:19 AM
Whenever I did something out of the ordinary (for them), I'd hear, 'People like US don't do that'. 

Please know, they didn't think I was shaming the family.  The problem was that I was acting above their perceived station. 

People like THEM didn't go to college, move out of the parental home before marriage or take European vacations. 

It used to drive me nuts. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: XRogue on September 03, 2013, 09:11:20 AM
How I fold laundry...I can be sitting there and make the exact same motions folding a towel as my mother does.... and it's wrong anyway.  ::) So when I lived with them and we did laundry together, I did the sorting and carrying instead, and let her do all the folding.

Also, my hobbies and manner of dress are apparently the fault of ExH.....because when I left him, Mom asked me when I was "going to stop dressing like a geek" and "quit watching science fiction on TV and reading SF novels too!" Uhm, never, I dress in blue jeans and tshirts (rarely dresses, those are a funeral/wedding/Easter Sunday type thing) because they are comfy and the natural fibers I wear keep my eczema from going insane. I prefer to not itch thank you. I have also been a Trekkie from age 3, and I'll read/watch what I like. If someone else finds it boring, they need not participate.

My hair is wrong too. I am "too old" to wear it long. Also I am a henna redhead, and was informed I shouldn't use henna because it "was an Arab discovery!" Please, no offense meant.

My response? "Guess we'll have to give up using zeroes then!"

And alcohol, coffee, the guitar, medical stitches and opiates for anesthesia. By the time you take away the alcohol and coffee, someone will really need the opiate and stitches.


Don't I know it, Lady Disdain! Take away my coffee especially and they'd be pulling back a bloody nub!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Coralreef on September 03, 2013, 09:19:47 AM
Let's see...

From mother :

I was a bad mother because I had to travel for work and abandonned my children (who had a good time with their dad).

I was going to be attacked by everyone because I was travelling alone.  Actually, that was said by several people.  Nothing ever happened. 

I would not see "everything" because I was not with a tour group. 

The only reason I got offered a job on the same day as the interview was because the employer wanted to sleep with me. The fact that I aced the interview and had the qualifications were not   a deciding point obviously.

Spending any amount of money on quality stuff was a waste. 

From ExMIL

I would not be a woman anymore because I had a tubal ligation.

DD was born premature, so she was a very skinny baby.  I was a bad mother because I was breastfeeding, so the baby was not gaining weight fast enough for her.  At three months, DD was at the pudgy baby stage, I was still a bad mother because breastfeeding was making the baby fat. 





Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 03, 2013, 09:22:12 AM
My mum has always disliked my choice of reading matter.   She hates Stephen King* and rolls her eyes every time she sees me reading one of his (which is a lot.   I'm a huge fan).

* and yet one of her favorite movies is "Stand By Me".   ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 03, 2013, 09:30:12 AM
Whenever I did something out of the ordinary (for them), I'd hear, 'People like US don't do that'. 

Please know, they didn't think I was shaming the family.  The problem was that I was acting above their perceived station. 

People like THEM didn't go to college, move out of the parental home before marriage or take European vacations. 

It used to drive me nuts.

Bingo.

I took flamenco dance lessons for 8 years until my left knee required surgery (it actually had been injured some other way).  My mother never got this.

You see, she was born in a country about as far removed from that art form as it was possible to get  (and not in the geographical sense).  My father was from a different but similarly unrelated country.  She couldn't comprehend that moving to yet a third country meant that your children's friends or their parents could come from anywhere else and that the tossed salad society exposes all of them to stuff not native to their parents' cultures.  Or even that this was a good thing.

Until I played a CD by one of my favorite Mexican singers.  She couldn't understand the lyrics, but loved his voice.  My relief at this was the sigh heard on the other side of town.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: magicdomino on September 03, 2013, 09:41:20 AM
Quote
My mother was always telling me, "Put that book down and go do something!"  She wasn't a reader, and apparently felt that reading wasn't doing anything.

Yours too? Mine usually told me that when she was lying on the couch watching television.  ::)

Mine told me that I should watch more television, because reading would ruin my eyes.  She was right; I got my first pair of glasses at 42.  Naturally, they were reading glasses. 8)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: zyrs on September 03, 2013, 10:18:21 AM
Everything that I ever joined or tried as a child that took any type of money I ended up having to quit because I could not get the money to do that thing.  My parents like to bring up the fact I am a quitter at every opportunity.

It went like this:

Parents: You should join xxyy.
Me:  It costs $0.10 a week for dues. (This was a long time ago).
Parents: No problem

3 weeks into xxyy

Me:  I need $0.10 for dues for the xxyy meeting today.
Parents: You didn't tell me you needed to pay dues!  Why don't you get a job?  When I was your age I worked for everything I had.  You're just lazy. *

Can't go to meetings without dues.  So had to stop going to xxyy.

Parents: Why didn't you go to your meeting?
Me:  I didn't have the money for the dues.
Parents: Why didn't you ask us for the dues money?  You're just a stupid quitter!

This happened with everything as I grew up. 

*Please note I was 7 at the time and wasn't allowed to do anything for money until I was 11.  When I did start making money I was expected to give it to my parents so I had no discretionary income.  Due to things I didn't understand at the time, while my siblings got whatever they wanted, I was an afterthought.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ScubaGirl on September 03, 2013, 11:17:41 AM
Man, I love my parents!

LOL!  I'm lucky that way too!

My mother's mother was very critical and a tab obsessive about everything being neat and orderly.  My mom took a conscious stance against that with us kids.  For example, we only had to make our beds when guests were coming over (which pretty much was just family and only around a couple holidays).
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: lilfox on September 03, 2013, 11:41:11 AM
As a teenager, when I stopped wearing my hair the way my mom wanted, that was a big step for me and not taken well by her.  20 years later when that style came back into fashion, she couldn't stop pointing out (teenage) models in the magazines with that hairstyle and saying how flattering it was, what a classic look, etc.  Sure, for thin-faced, high-cheekboned models it looks just fine.  For chubby cheeked girls like I was, having Marcia Brady hair (long straight hair parted in the middle, no fringe/bangs) is not a good look.  My hair by itself might have been pretty, but the look as a whole was very unflattering.

Oh, and then two years ago I tried a hairstyle that was shoulder length straightened hair with a just-off center part, and Mom commented to me that she was surprised I could pull off such a "severe" look...

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cami on September 03, 2013, 11:49:08 AM
My father's favorite criticism of me was that I was "unfeminine". Mind you, I was the daughter in pointe ballet classes wearing tutus, but I wasn't "feminine" enough because I did not wear dresses EVERY DAY. He would regularly tell me, "You'll never get a boyfriend or husband wearing pants." Then when I DID have a boyfriend, he asked him, "What do you see in Cami? She's so unfeminine. Do you really like boys?"  (Keep in mind that this was the 1970s, when no one asked a teen boy if they were gay except as an extreme insult.)

His second favorite criticism of me was that I was too "emotional". EVERYONE else who knows me thinks I am stoical (due in large part to being ridiculed for showing emotion as a young child). But not my father. When my mother died (unexpectely and at a relatively young age) and I had a tear in my eye, he ripped me a new one in front of everyone for being "too emotional."  It surprised no one that I declined to attend his funeral after that.

Luckily for me, I had long since decided that my father was a total idiot, so his comments were like water on a duck's back.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: RebeccainGA on September 03, 2013, 11:52:44 AM
Oh, the epic fights we used to get into about my clothes in middle/high school. You see, my parents are Artistic folks. The kind that quit jobs with no plan and live on their Artistic talents because it's SO MUCH BETTER than working for The Man (and will tell EVERYONE that's why they can't do X or Y, because being Artistic doesn't pay well).

My grandparents are more middle class typical folks that believe in careers and retirement planning, and understood that I wanted to be more 'normal'. So when they took me shopping for clothes, they let me pick out things I liked - skirts, slacks, nice dresses, blouses. I never voluntarily chose jeans or shorts or t-shirts. I still don't. My favorite outfit was, in eighth grade, a black pencil skirt, a mustard yellow turtleneck, and a black scarf tied in my hair.

My parents would yell, threaten to take things away, refuse to let me go with them places, and browbeat me because I was 'too dressed up'. I was in a long tunic top and stirrup pants (this was the late 80s, y'all - it worked then) and I was 'way too dressy to go to the movies'. Heaven forbid I wanted to wear a dress.

Now, mom compliments me on how nice I look and how thin my clothes make me look. They are essentially the same clothes.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Asharah on September 03, 2013, 12:19:12 PM
Everything that I ever joined or tried as a child that took any type of money I ended up having to quit because I could not get the money to do that thing.  My parents like to bring up the fact I am a quitter at every opportunity.

It went like this:

Parents: You should join xxyy.
Me:  It costs $0.10 a week for dues. (This was a long time ago).
Parents: No problem

3 weeks into xxyy

Me:  I need $0.10 for dues for the xxyy meeting today.
Parents: You didn't tell me you needed to pay dues!  Why don't you get a job?  When I was your age I worked for everything I had.  You're just lazy. *

Can't go to meetings without dues.  So had to stop going to xxyy.

Parents: Why didn't you go to your meeting?
Me:  I didn't have the money for the dues.
Parents: Why didn't you ask us for the dues money?  You're just a stupid quitter!

This happened with everything as I grew up. 

*Please note I was 7 at the time and wasn't allowed to do anything for money until I was 11.  When I did start making money I was expected to give it to my parents so I had no discretionary income.  Due to things I didn't understand at the time, while my siblings got whatever they wanted, I was an afterthought.
I don't suppose you had a tape recorder so you could secretly record the conversations for playback when they later claim you didn't say there were dues or accuse you of not asking for the money.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 03, 2013, 12:28:01 PM
That reminds me of my mum.  When I was 14, I thought I'd like to take up tennis.   We found a used racquet, but it was $50, and mum (not unreasonably) balked at paying that much.   So, we didn't buy it, and I never played tennis.  To this day, she laughs and teases me about how I "quit" tennis, and how this indicates that I'm flighty and never finish anything.   Um, kind of hard to play without a racquet, Mum.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CakeBeret on September 03, 2013, 12:28:25 PM
I don't suppose you had a tape recorder so you could secretly record the conversations for playback when they later claim you didn't say there were dues or accuse you of not asking for the money.

When I was a kid I fantasized about saving up my money to buy a tape recorder so that I could catch my mom doing similar things!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: StuffedGrapeLeaves on September 03, 2013, 12:45:42 PM
One of her favorite phrases...What will the neighbors think?

This reminds me of a story my friend told me.  Her mom is very image-conscious and is always worrie about what the neighbors think.  When my friend told her she was pregnant, her mom's first reaction was, "Oh my gosh - what will the neighbors think?"  Friend took a deep breath and replied, "Mom, I'm married, over 30, and have a good job.  I doubt the neighbors will think anything bad!"  Mom thought for a second and admitted that she was still thinking of friend as a teenager, and that the neighbors will think badly of her as an unwed single mother. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on September 03, 2013, 12:52:06 PM
Everything that I ever joined or tried as a child that took any type of money I ended up having to quit because I could not get the money to do that thing.  My parents like to bring up the fact I am a quitter at every opportunity.

It went like this:

Parents: You should join xxyy.
Me:  It costs $0.10 a week for dues. (This was a long time ago).
Parents: No problem

3 weeks into xxyy

Me:  I need $0.10 for dues for the xxyy meeting today.
Parents: You didn't tell me you needed to pay dues!  Why don't you get a job?  When I was your age I worked for everything I had.  You're just lazy. *

Can't go to meetings without dues.  So had to stop going to xxyy.

Parents: Why didn't you go to your meeting?
Me:  I didn't have the money for the dues.
Parents: Why didn't you ask us for the dues money?  You're just a stupid quitter!

This happened with everything as I grew up. 

*Please note I was 7 at the time and wasn't allowed to do anything for money until I was 11.  When I did start making money I was expected to give it to my parents so I had no discretionary income.  Due to things I didn't understand at the time, while my siblings got whatever they wanted, I was an afterthought.

This reminds me of my dad, for whom no notification of a grade issue was ever early enough. I'd get a middling grade on my report card, and it was "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SOONER THAT YOU WERE HAVING TROUBLE IN ALGEBRA WHARGLBARGL!" So the next semester I'd have trouble in some class and tell him as soon as I figured it out, and that wasn't soon enough either. Through trial and error, I eventually figured out that the only acceptable date to tell Dad I was having grade trouble was on the first day of class, when of course one has no idea whether trouble is looming or not.

I got called a quitter for quitting going to an orthodontist when I was 13. Now, the doctor was actually a bit of a bully and I disliked him, but all I knew at the time was that I went once and then it was just never mentioned again. My best guess was we ended up not having the money. But obviously at 13 I should have been taking myself to the orthodontist and paying for it with money from the couch cushions or something, because I became an object lesson for my sibs on People Who Don't Want to Improve Themselves.

Our school had instructional fees (small amounts, like $2 when I was little and more like $14 by the time I graduated, due to inflation) that a kid's parents had to pay to the school each year. Dad never, ever wanted to pay these. Most years he just wouldn't and then the school would sometimes withhold our report cards until it was paid (but sometimes they forgot and gave them to us anyway). It did help me one year in junior high when I had a middling grade and wanted to hide it--I just said they hadn't given me the report card because of the fees, he believed it and muttered something about the school always trying to take his money and never brought it up again.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: HGolightly on September 03, 2013, 01:37:45 PM
My mom has a tendency to see a person as they were a long time ago. In my case I am always 14 despite having a house, mortgage, continual employment (aside from maternity leave), a car, my o n business, a marriage and kids.  She throws stuff at me that happened when I was a kid. Recently my hubby went through a moderately serious medical issue and she was angry we did not tell her immediately (it was very sensitive and NOT HER BUSINESS) and SHE was embarrassed because it made HER look bad as we were lying to her. It was then selfish of us because.....it was about her. Yeah....no. I told her it was not about her, it was on a needs to know basis and when it was brought up she shut it down as we were lying about it.  So. Much. Fun.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ti_ax on September 03, 2013, 01:43:11 PM
Many years ago when our first daughter was born, DW & I decided she would go back to work and I would be the full-time at-home parent. My parents called and told me we should not do that, because they didn't want to have to tell the extended family I wasn't earning a paycheck.

Um, no ... we made our decision based on important factors.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Sweet_Thang on September 03, 2013, 01:43:33 PM
Doesn't really fall under the "criticize" heading, but more along the 
She said WHAT???

My maternal grandmother to my mom's best friend, the night of my father's funeral (Just this past May!!)

GM:  Do you think Suzy will start dating right away?
MBFF:   :o

My parents were married 47 yrs!  (My Grandmother passed about a month later than my dad; she had been losing her mind, I think for a while.  )
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: scansons on September 03, 2013, 01:43:54 PM
From my Dad: 

"Wanting pierced ears is vanity.  You're vain." 

"Don't stand with like that your rear sticks out like a *derogatory term for a person of color*  *derogatory term for a woman*."  (Sorry I'm not 5'2 and petite like his mother was.  I'm 5'9, and I've got a German girl figure.  Hips. Chest. And back end.  From his side of the family.)

"Why is your hair always in your face?  You should wear you hair up." 

(When wearing my hair up) "You look nice.  You should wash your face more so your skin would be better."  (I was a teen.  I had pimples.) 

Let's just say, I've never had a job that was good enough for him, or grades that were high enough. 

"You read too much.  You need to learn to deal with reality." 

"You're going to get depressed and hurt yourself if you move out/take that job/ try and fulfill your dreams/ leave my direct control."  (I've never once be diagnosed with depression or anything like it.)

"You should join the military so you'll learn some discipline."   

From Mom: 

"You don't socialize enough."  (This was usually followed by trying to force me into an activity that she would have wanted to be in at my age.)

"Well if you didn't eat so much."  (Usually followed by offering me fast food.)

"Stop being so lazy." 


Interestingly, my middle sister is my polar opposite.  They said just as many nagging things to her, but with the opposite spin.  They used to keep her from socializing and insist that she needed to read more.  I wish I was kidding. 

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 03, 2013, 02:05:24 PM
Parents make my brain hurt. 

My pet peeve was when I'd get A's in English and social studies, but would struggle to get C's in math and science.  The A's in English were proof that I could do it and just wasn't trying hard enough in math.   ::)

As a result, while DH and I would be proud of our kids for getting straight A's, we do realize some subjects are going to be harder than others.  My oldest is a math whiz but science and English are tougher.  My middle son loves and does very well in science and reading but struggles with math.  We'll be happy for them to get a mix of A's and B's, and if there's a C and we know they've worked hard as they can, we're not going to criticize them for it.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 03, 2013, 02:27:00 PM
Many years ago when our first daughter was born, DW & I decided she would go back to work and I would be the full-time at-home parent. My parents called and told me we should not do that, because they didn't want to have to tell the extended family I wasn't earning a paycheck.

Um, no ... we made our decision based on important factors.

Why on earth would there be any reason for them to tell "extended" family anything about your paychecks?   ???
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Hillia on September 03, 2013, 02:29:14 PM
My ILs make fun of my son (behind his back, and behind mine - I overheard by accident) because he has to drive a 'neeeeeeew' car.  Well, he's working full time, he's made every payment on that car on time, he pays the insurance on time every month (and it's high - he's a 20 year old unmarried male with one major accident on his record), in addition to paying his own rent and all other bills.  DH and BIL both had their first cars provided by my ILs (crappy piece of junk lemons they bought on the side of the road for $500), and were carried on their parent's insurance until well into their 20's...BIL might still be on their insurance at age 34.  So if DS wants to spend his money on a new mid range Nissan, power to him.  I'm proud of him for being so responsible and building his life the way he wants it.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 03, 2013, 02:38:22 PM
Many years ago when our first daughter was born, DW & I decided she would go back to work and I would be the full-time at-home parent. My parents called and told me we should not do that, because they didn't want to have to tell the extended family I wasn't earning a paycheck.

Um, no ... we made our decision based on important factors.

Why on earth would there be any reason for them to tell "extended" family anything about your paychecks?   ???

Because they have no boundaries.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: jedikaiti on September 03, 2013, 03:00:00 PM
My Mom really just does not understand why I think she & Dad are really sane, awesome parents.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on September 03, 2013, 06:09:43 PM
When we were packing up my things to go to college, my father almost literally had smoke pouring out his ears.

My going off to school was just foolishness.  In his mind, all of us knew that I'd be calling home and crying for my mother to come take me home in a day or two. 

It didn't happen that way.  I loved college life. 

For some reason we could never figure out, Dad had the idea that Mom had complete control over everything I did.  According to him, when she wanted to, she could even make me think I was sick when I wasn't. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Dazi on September 03, 2013, 07:38:34 PM
Mine was mostly hair, clothes, and the amount of reading I did.

My hair was the wrong color even though it was in it's natural state.  One day I got supremely pissed about the nagging and I dyed it Manic Panic Purple Haze.  It was awesome and I didn't get too many comments on my hair color after that.  I also got a lot of "you need to cut that mop", so I let it grow passed my rear.

I was a tomboy by nature and almost all my friends were boys. I was always scraped and bruised growing up and I dressed like a boy most of the time.  I didn't much care for wearing dresses and still don't.  Thankfully that was a battle my mother gave up long, long ago.  I guess me wearing pink balances it out.

"You read too much, go outside".  Then I'd get fussed at for not being at home.   ::)

My rear is too large and so are my thighs.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: BB-VA on September 03, 2013, 08:58:15 PM
My father, on finding out I was pregnant (after 3 years of marriage) - "I'm not sure I want to be a grandfather but I guess it's ok."

My first stepmother - I was lazy because I liked to read, no man would ever marry me because I was too lazy to keep the house clean (if she saw my house now, she would turn in her grave - and our 40th anniversary is in 2 weeks).  Also, during the miniskirt era (when you couldn't get anything BUT - my 4'11" stepsister was in heaven), she complained that she couldn't find any dresses for me that weren't up to the crack of my behind.   At which point I finally talked back and said, "Mama, I can't help it if I'm tall."  That was the last time she criticized me for anything - maybe she was just waiting for me to stand up for myself.  And I still have the dress that caused the complaint.

edited to remove naughty word.  Sorry, folks.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: kherbert05 on September 03, 2013, 09:43:35 PM
My mother was adamant that I not register to vote (never mind just about everyone else in my family is...) and got mad at me when I did anyway while I was away at college. It was during a presidential election, so I needed an absentee ballot since I was in another state at the time. I never got it, so I couldn't even actually vote that year (and then she proceeded to rub it in my face when her candidate won - we don't see eye to eye politics wise ::) ). When I asked why, she said she didn't want me being called for jury duty. When I asked what was so bad about jury duty, she had no answer. ::) She at least seems to have gotten over that, though.

She's also criticized what field I wanted to go into and keep bringing up other fields she thought I should go into (and would get really pushy about it). Even when I did look into one of her suggestions (occupational therapy), she turned around and started saying it was a bad idea for me to go into it because I'd have to touch people a lot (yet she also suggested physical therapy and massage therapy as possible careers...oooookay...). When I pointed out she had suggested it and even had me talk to one of her patients who was in that field, she claimed "oh, it was just a suggestion, just exploring options". Whatever field I pick always seems to be wrong. For psychology: "but you'll be dealing with really crazy people and you'll get killed!" (ugh...) For speech therapy (wherein she even once offered to buy me a car if I would go into that instead of psych): "but you barely know how to talk yourself!"/"you sound like an FOB!". I give up...
Is there a chance you didn't get your absentee ballot because you Mom stole it to vote for her choice. I had a friend at school that that happened to. She had the same fight about her field, and ended up cutting her mom off as soon as she graduated. She was afraid I would think she was a terrible person because I have this huge extended family and was always doing things with them. I told her no we'll just adopt you into our family. (A good portion of my extended family are people that have dysfunctional families of their own - so they get invited to our stuff instead). 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Bluenomi on September 03, 2013, 09:53:15 PM
My father, on finding out I was pregnant (after 3 years of marriage) - "I'm not sure I want to be a grandfather but I guess it's ok."


My MIL, at DH and I's wedding, told us we couldn't have kids yet because she was too young to be a grandmother. 6 months later her younger sister became a grandmother and suddendly she was harping on at us to give her grandkids. She was very put out when DH told her that her timing demands about grandchildren were going to be ignored.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 03, 2013, 10:14:24 PM
My mother complained she was too young to be a grandmother when I was pregnant with my first and then again when he was born.   Heck I was 22 and married, and just 2 years younger than she was when I was born.  It's not like I was a teenager, yet she was embarrassed to be called grandma.  I believe it was part vanity, part her insistence I did it wrong by not having a career first.   As a result she refused to be called grandma or any common substitute.

Meanwhile my MIL, who is about 3 years younger than my mother, was all too happy to be called Nana, and FIL who is a few years younger than her was happy to become Pop-Pop.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: kherbert05 on September 03, 2013, 10:19:47 PM
I know my Mom worried about me not having many friends like my more social cousin and Sister - but in part she blamed herself and Dad for not picking up  on the bullying and doing something earlier. I simply don't trust many people.

All the adults in my life were frustrated by the fact I could correctly read words, and use them in conversation but couldn't spell to save my life. I was even tested in elementary and JH - but my reading level was too high for me to have any LD having to do with language according to the criteria being used. (Actually If I was in school today I wouldn't qualify as LD in Texas. Neither would my sister or our dyslexic cousins. WE could be 504ed but not receive SPED interventions)

One comment that makes me want to take a clue by 4 to my sister and cousins "I hope "child" gets his/her smarts from his/her  father not me." Now my cousins' husbands and my BIL are smart guys don't get me wrong. Thing is Sis and cousins graduated in the top half of their competitive High Schools, went to good universities (where we all were diagnosed) and graduated with decent grades - while they were all reading on a FOURTH - FIFTH grade level. They don't get the massive intelligence and coping skills behind accomplishing that. For them not reading for pleasure = not smart.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Optimoose Prime on September 03, 2013, 11:21:49 PM
My father's favorite criticism of me was that I was "unfeminine". Mind you, I was the daughter in pointe ballet classes wearing tutus, but I wasn't "feminine" enough because I did not wear dresses EVERY DAY. He would regularly tell me, "You'll never get a boyfriend or husband wearing pants." Then when I DID have a boyfriend, he asked him, "What do you see in Cami? She's so unfeminine. Do you really like boys?"  (Keep in mind that this was the 1970s, when no one asked a teen boy if they were gay except as an extreme insult.)

His second favorite criticism of me was that I was too "emotional". EVERYONE else who knows me thinks I am stoical (due in large part to being ridiculed for showing emotion as a young child). But not my father. When my mother died (unexpectely and at a relatively young age) and I had a tear in my eye, he ripped me a new one in front of everyone for being "too emotional."  It surprised no one that I declined to attend his funeral after that.

Luckily for me, I had long since decided that my father was a total idiot, so his comments were like water on a duck's back.

We must be related.  This is me, too.  Minus the boyfriend.  I think she was afraid I was a lesbian.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Bethalize on September 04, 2013, 02:53:46 AM
My hair is wrong too. I am "too old" to wear it long. Also I am a henna redhead, and was informed I shouldn't use henna because it "was an Arab discovery!" Please, no offense meant.

My response? "Guess we'll have to give up using zeroes then!"

Genius!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 04, 2013, 03:49:57 AM
I know my Mom worried about me not having many friends like my more social cousin and Sister - but in part she blamed herself and Dad for not picking up  on the bullying and doing something earlier. I simply don't trust many people.

All the adults in my life were frustrated by the fact I could correctly read words, and use them in conversation but couldn't spell to save my life. I was even tested in elementary and JH - but my reading level was too high for me to have any LD having to do with language according to the criteria being used. (Actually If I was in school today I wouldn't qualify as LD in Texas. Neither would my sister or our dyslexic cousins. WE could be 504ed but not receive SPED interventions)

One comment that makes me want to take a clue by 4 to my sister and cousins "I hope "child" gets his/her smarts from his/her  father not me." Now my cousins' husbands and my BIL are smart guys don't get me wrong. Thing is Sis and cousins graduated in the top half of their competitive High Schools, went to good universities (where we all were diagnosed) and graduated with decent grades - while they were all reading on a FOURTH - FIFTH grade level. They don't get the massive intelligence and coping skills behind accomplishing that. For them not reading for pleasure = not smart.

Considering how much reading one does for any subject, how on earth is it possible to graduate college with that reading level?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: XRogue on September 04, 2013, 06:52:16 AM
My hair is wrong too. I am "too old" to wear it long. Also I am a henna redhead, and was informed I shouldn't use henna because it "was an Arab discovery!" Please, no offense meant.

My response? "Guess we'll have to give up using zeroes then!"

Genius!

Thank you, Bethalize. :) What makes that even funnier was the fact Dad is an engineer. :p Yes, I'm a smartalec.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: StarFaerie on September 04, 2013, 07:16:54 AM
My hair is wrong too. I am "too old" to wear it long. Also I am a henna redhead, and was informed I shouldn't use henna because it "was an Arab discovery!" Please, no offense meant.

My response? "Guess we'll have to give up using zeroes then!"

Genius!

Thank you, Bethalize. :) What makes that even funnier was the fact Dad is an engineer. :p Yes, I'm a smartalec.

The only issue is that 0 was an Indian/Hindi innovation not Arab.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Jones on September 04, 2013, 07:32:29 AM
I am very lucky that I put my foot down as an adult and don't get anymore of this.

However, as a teen, I was told that my influence was causing younger (adopted) siblings to act up, they would try to one-up me so someday when they were selling themselves for heroin money it would be My Fault. Yeah my psych had to really help me with that one. The ironic thing was, I had a 3.9 GPA, I went to all of two parties where there was alcohol my entire teenage life, and one of those parties got busted but I was not in trouble because I passed the breathalyzer test. I didn't play scrabble until I was getting ready to graduate high school, and as young as my parents were when they married I wasn't actually much younger, I just didn't have a ring on my finger. So all my sibs would have had to do to one-up me was actually drink a beer or start dating early...None of them have ended up selling themselves for drugs at this point, though I do have a brother I wrote about in the scammers thread who is serving time, thankfully no one blames me for his many, many wrong choices. He has fetal alcohol syndrome, you see, so we all need to forgive him again and again (ha) because he can't make good choices, totally incapable.

I also got the "quit sticking your butt out" thing, after several times I finally said "That's how my butt is built!!" and Mom knocked it off. Note, it did look funny, I had a thigh gap and a bedonk-a-donk all at the same time, and her comments didn't help. There were little things about skin and hair...we'd dye our hair together every 6 months or so from the time I was 10 (this was after several failed attempts at a perm when I was 7) until Mom got her colors mixed up and I ended up with gorgeous burgundy hair at 16. I loved it but she wasn't too happy.

The time I sprinted faster than my track-running sister and beat her to goal, didn't really rub her face in it or anything but apparently it really hurt her feelings because Mom lectured me about how my sister works so hard, and I'm naturally fast but should let her win because she actually works for it...that one was a bit strange to me even back then.

Again, very grateful that comments have mostly stopped as I've become an adult. I had to mostly cut off my FOO for about a year (holiday contact only) and after that we don't talk about controversial topics (my not taking the kids to church, my tattoos, DH and my occasional alcoholic beverages and daily coffee, to make a short list). Unfortunately I don't always hear about the big things that happen in my sib's lives, but as they grow up and realize they can reach out to me themselves it's been helping.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on September 04, 2013, 07:39:30 AM
However, as a teen, I was told that my influence was causing younger (adopted) siblings to act up

Ha, yeah, I got in trouble anytime one of the younger sibs cussed. I must have taught them the words, you see. Protestations that they had learned the words from movies (or their own friends) fell on deaf ears.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Dazi on September 04, 2013, 08:56:01 AM
I can't believe I left this out  of my first post on here.

BG:  my parents  had a difficult  marriage and NASTY divorce.  My mom still  criticizes me for having a relationship or even speaking to  my father.  I totally get why she doesn't, but she has been informed she cannot dictate to me who I can speak to.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on September 04, 2013, 09:18:43 AM
More petty criticism from Stamp Dad (O.P.):

Recently I sent Dad a box of books.  Due to complaints in the past about opening packages, I devised a system that I thought would make unwrapping fairly easy.  Dad received instructions a couple of days before the package arrived.

Today I got an angry letter about the packaging.  How long exactly, he wanted to know, did it take me to tape the package up like that?  He struggled for 15 minutes to get the top layer off!  He had to ask an aide for help!  The instructions I sent were completely ignored.

Also, he was unhappy with the first book he read.  It was a lighthearted look at a piece of local history.  Dad was indignant that the consumption of alcohol was condoned in some of the book’s anecdotes.  Also, there were some typographical errors.  This is somehow my fault. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ScubaGirl on September 04, 2013, 09:25:06 AM
More petty criticism from Stamp Dad (O.P.):

Recently I sent Dad a box of books.  Due to complaints in the past about opening packages, I devised a system that I thought would make unwrapping fairly easy.  Dad received instructions a couple of days before the package arrived.

Today I got an angry letter about the packaging.  How long exactly, he wanted to know, did it take me to tape the package up like that?  He struggled for 15 minutes to get the top layer off!  He had to ask an aide for help!  The instructions I sent were completely ignored.

Also, he was unhappy with the first book he read.  It was a lighthearted look at a piece of local history.  Dad was indignant that the consumption of alcohol was condoned in some of the book’s anecdotes.  Also, there were some typographical errors.  This is somehow my fault.

Wow!  You have the patience of a saint to put up with all of that.  Would it do any good at all for you to take a red pen and mark up his letter with all the areas that hurt your feelings and/or weren't your fault and send it back to him?  Could he learn?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cz. Burrito on September 04, 2013, 09:38:52 AM
Yikes.  I'm shocked that half of the posters here have anything to do with their parents now!  I need to remember to tell mine how awesome they are.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on September 04, 2013, 09:40:27 AM
. . . Could he learn?
No.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 04, 2013, 10:14:21 AM
Quote
yet she was embarrassed to be called grandma.

Anyone else thinking of Shirley Maclaine's character from Terms of Endearment?  "Happy?  Why should I be happy about BECOMING A GRANDMOTHER?!?"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Twik on September 04, 2013, 10:47:07 AM
My hair is wrong too. I am "too old" to wear it long. Also I am a henna redhead, and was informed I shouldn't use henna because it "was an Arab discovery!" Please, no offense meant.

My response? "Guess we'll have to give up using zeroes then!"

Genius!

Thank you, Bethalize. :) What makes that even funnier was the fact Dad is an engineer. :p Yes, I'm a smartalec.
[/quote

The only issue is that 0 was an Indian/Hindi innovation not Arab.

Well, if you absolutely must avoid anything east of Greenwich, you can blame it on the Maya.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on September 04, 2013, 10:53:23 AM
My mom was a teacher and I have an LD.  'nuff said?  In spite of this, I worked my heiney off and managed to pull in pretty good grades (some As, A-s and Bs).  But if it wasn't an A or an A+ she'd tell me that I could probably do better next time.  The day I brought home a C in chemistry was not a happy day for me, in spite of getting extra help and working my tail off in that class.  I did fine in lab but my brain just could not figure out the theories.  It was dreadful.

I managed to graduate in the National Honor Society and in the upper 20 in my class but I wasn't valedictorian and therefore, I probably shouldn't have bothered.   ::)

My live-in MIL is a critiplainer.  (Complaints and criticism all rolled into one wonderful package!)

We went on vacation once and brought back a pretty hand-blown, hand-painted Christmas ornament from the country we were visiting because she has this fabulous tree and loves to decorate.  "Well, I suppose it's nice but couldn't you have brought me something I can use all the time?"

She critiplained to me one time when I was cleaning prior to a family party that I was being rather unkind to SIL because she isn't much of a housekeeper and my having a clean and tidy house rubs it in her face. 

Whenever I do the cooking, there's always something just not quite right about the meal.

I hear something everyday, I have a million of them.  Many of them are directed to DH who just lets it roll off his back and I try to do the same. But every now and again, something sticks and I want to say, "Well, no one is making you live here."

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: hermanne on September 04, 2013, 11:20:24 AM
Yikes.  I'm shocked that half of the posters here have anything to do with their parents now!  I need to remember to tell mine how awesome they are.

POD!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: spookycatlady on September 04, 2013, 11:46:08 AM
Whenever I was in a period of unemployment, my Dad encouraged me to get a job flipping burgers (his words).  Mom would encourage me to get placed in a temp agency.

Neither of those suggestions are wrong-minded, but just showed a lack of understanding about who I was at the time and my personal situation:

The worst year of my life was working in a kitchen and it was the only job I've ever quit. 

And the temp agency?  I was at the time deeply troubled by an anxiety disorder triggered by new situations, new people, lack of routine and lack of stability.  I couldn't imagine a more inappropriate way to find a job.  I'm so grateful for therapy...

Incidentally, I got a job in a cubicle farm shortly after... lots of routine & stability.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cami on September 04, 2013, 12:00:32 PM
More petty criticism from Stamp Dad (O.P.):

Recently I sent Dad a box of books.  Due to complaints in the past about opening packages, I devised a system that I thought would make unwrapping fairly easy.  Dad received instructions a couple of days before the package arrived.

Today I got an angry letter about the packaging.  How long exactly, he wanted to know, did it take me to tape the package up like that?  He struggled for 15 minutes to get the top layer off!  He had to ask an aide for help!  The instructions I sent were completely ignored.

Also, he was unhappy with the first book he read.  It was a lighthearted look at a piece of local history.  Dad was indignant that the consumption of alcohol was condoned in some of the book’s anecdotes.  Also, there were some typographical errors.  This is somehow my fault.
Why do you send him stuff if he treats you like this?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 04, 2013, 12:08:29 PM
Yikes.  I'm shocked that half of the posters here have anything to do with their parents now!  I need to remember to tell mine how awesome they are.

POD!

Well a cut direct did take place between my parents and myself 4 years ago and those years have been rather pleasant. :)  The longer I go without them in my life, the less I'm inclined to invite it all back in.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Syfygeek on September 04, 2013, 01:32:49 PM
I had my DS at 26, and when he was about a year old I decided to get a tattoo- a dragon on my shoulder blade. I didn't tell my parents because I knew it would be WW3.

A few weeks later, I was picking up DS and my sleeveless shirt slid and both mom and dad saw THE TATTOO!

Mom told me if I got the baby tattooed, she would call social services on me. DS is 24 and I've offered to pay for a tattoo if he wants one, just so my mom will be right :D

Funny aside- with the tattoo drama, my dad went on and on about how tattoos ruin people, and he had one on his forearm and had it removed so he could get a job when he got out of the Marines- but I have pictures of him holding me when I was born in 1962, and there's no tattoo. My sisters were born in 1951 and 1953 and neither one ever remember a tattoo, so this mythical tattoo he had "lasered off" had to have been done in the mid 50's. Who knew laser removal in the 50's was so advanced to not leave any scarring at all?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: violinp on September 04, 2013, 01:37:23 PM
I had my DS at 26, and when he was about a year old I decided to get a tattoo- a dragon on my shoulder blade. I didn't tell my parents because I knew it would be WW3.

A few weeks later, I was picking up DS and my sleeveless shirt slid and both mom and dad saw THE TATTOO!

Mom told me if I got the baby tattooed, she would call social services on me. DS is 24 and I've offered to pay for a tattoo if he wants one, just so my mom will be right :D

Funny aside- with the tattoo drama, my dad went on and on about how tattoos ruin people, and he had one on his forearm and had it removed so he could get a job when he got out of the Marines- but I have pictures of him holding me when I was born in 1962, and there's no tattoo. My sisters were born in 1951 and 1953 and neither one ever remember a tattoo, so this mythical tattoo he had "lasered off" had to have been done in the mid 50's. Who knew laser removal in the 50's was so advanced to not leave any scarring at all?

A professor of mine told us that her mom said, "If you ever get a hickey or a tattoo, I'll dig it out of you with a spoon!" Yeah, sure; let's totally make the situation worse than it has to be with lots of blood and scarring and hospital visits.  ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on September 04, 2013, 01:40:19 PM
I had my DS at 26, and when he was about a year old I decided to get a tattoo- a dragon on my shoulder blade. I didn't tell my parents because I knew it would be WW3.

A few weeks later, I was picking up DS and my sleeveless shirt slid and both mom and dad saw THE TATTOO!

Mom told me if I got the baby tattooed, she would call social services on me. DS is 24 and I've offered to pay for a tattoo if he wants one, just so my mom will be right :D

Funny aside- with the tattoo drama, my dad went on and on about how tattoos ruin people, and he had one on his forearm and had it removed so he could get a job when he got out of the Marines- but I have pictures of him holding me when I was born in 1962, and there's no tattoo. My sisters were born in 1951 and 1953 and neither one ever remember a tattoo, so this mythical tattoo he had "lasered off" had to have been done in the mid 50's. Who knew laser removal in the 50's was so advanced to not leave any scarring at all?

A professor of mine told us that her mom said, "If you ever get a hickey or a tattoo, I'll dig it out of you with a spoon!" Yeah, sure; let's totally make the situation worse than it has to be with lots of blood and scarring and hospital visits.  ::)

Well, in that case at least, I'm pretty sure it's hyperbole.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: violinp on September 04, 2013, 01:43:06 PM
I had my DS at 26, and when he was about a year old I decided to get a tattoo- a dragon on my shoulder blade. I didn't tell my parents because I knew it would be WW3.

A few weeks later, I was picking up DS and my sleeveless shirt slid and both mom and dad saw THE TATTOO!

Mom told me if I got the baby tattooed, she would call social services on me. DS is 24 and I've offered to pay for a tattoo if he wants one, just so my mom will be right :D

Funny aside- with the tattoo drama, my dad went on and on about how tattoos ruin people, and he had one on his forearm and had it removed so he could get a job when he got out of the Marines- but I have pictures of him holding me when I was born in 1962, and there's no tattoo. My sisters were born in 1951 and 1953 and neither one ever remember a tattoo, so this mythical tattoo he had "lasered off" had to have been done in the mid 50's. Who knew laser removal in the 50's was so advanced to not leave any scarring at all?

A professor of mine told us that her mom said, "If you ever get a hickey or a tattoo, I'll dig it out of you with a spoon!" Yeah, sure; let's totally make the situation worse than it has to be with lots of blood and scarring and hospital visits.  ::)

Well, in that case at least, I'm pretty sure it's hyperbole.

No; apparently her mother had been deadly serious. My professor never tested her on it, but her mother did say that she was absolutely serious about doing that.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 04, 2013, 01:50:58 PM
My daughters (16 and 18) are both talking about getting tattoos.  It's fine with me (and they're planning to pay for them themselves), but I'm already wincing at how my parents are likely to react.  Considering that they've hated every modification both I and my girls have done, including ear piercings and hair colouring, they'll probably go up one wall and down the other side if/when they find out about the tattoos.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: cwm on September 04, 2013, 03:04:32 PM
When my parents got divorced, I cut my dad out of my life. (One of the best decisions I've ever made, actually, and this forum helps me keep him out.)

Sis and I were very open about how this whole thing affected each other, especially since Sproglet wasn't even here yet when they split and was still just a wee one when the divorce was finalized. The best bit of information I got out of her was that dad accused me of poisoning her mind against him. His words, not hers or mine. See, he wanted to bring his new lady to a fancy dinner, and sis and I were adamantly against it, despite him calling several times on the day of the event trying to guilt us by saying how upset she was to be staying at home. One of the early conversations, he encouraged us to talk to each other and let him know. She let him know that it was a no. He came back and asked if we'd really actually discussed it or if I had just said it out of spite. When she told him we did discuss it and decided together, that's when the poisoning the mind comment came in.

Also, he was the first to criticize what I studied in college. I started out with a music education degree, and if I had finished that and accepted a job within my state and kept it for 5 years, I would have had student loan debt forgiven entirely. But that was a horrible idea, to work in that field, it wouldn't pay enough and I'd never really enjoy it. So then when I tried to switch to music theory/composition, he'd ask why I even wanted to study something that was just made up recently. Also, there's absoultely no jobs in that field, so why would I even bother with working towards a degree that would mean nothing? When I tried to politely remind him that music theory that I was currently studying was from the 1400s, and that I could easily with my love of studying go on to grad school and end up teaching at a college, that wasn't good enough either.

When I came home (at parents' insistence) and eventually got into a program for adults to get a degree through a very nice university and I chose my major project for the year, it was the wrong project. See, when my mom had done this program (when I was in 7th grade, years and years ago) she had done a business plan for a hypothetical business. I was looking into grantwriting. And every single idea I had for writing a grant was wrong, at that. Until I came to one thing that someone else in the family had mentioned, which was to get a grant for the library at SmallTown that his family was from. They have some amazing archives, but no way to properly store it. The project didn't involve actually writing the grant and following through, just doing the research for it. So I didn't follow through. And he accused me of being a quitter. Because what was the point of all that work if I was just going to walk away from it. Never mind the fact that we live several hours away from SmallTown, writing grants and following through to get things like this is a full time job, the library doesn't have someone who can handle it, and I don't have the time, knowledge, or motivation even if the grant came through to supervise construction and contracts in the library. I was a quitter, and now the library wouldn't have the OldFamilyName Reading Room that he had planned.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lynn2000 on September 04, 2013, 03:06:38 PM
As far as ridiculous criticisms go... When I was younger my parents, my dad in particular, forced me to take piano lessons. Nothing wrong with them in principle, I just didn't want them but didn't have a choice. I remember once my dad was trying to play the piano with me to help me practice, and he finally said, "Could you try to play the right notes?"  ::) Forgive me for making a mistake while practicing my piano lesson...

I was also a completely no-trouble, straight-A student. I once showed my dad my report card and heard, in an ominous tone, "You know, an A-minus is almost a B." And a B, in one subject, for one quarter, in sixth grade, would have been the end of the world.  ::)

I honestly think I would rather have my hypothetical child get a mix of A's and B's, and be happy and kind, then have them get straight-A's but stress about it. Even if straight-A's were achievable by them (my school was not very challenging), having the highest level in every subject every time be the only acceptable outcome is just too stringent, IMO. I hope I would be like, okay, I think you can do all A's, but let's say there's a margin of error of 2 B's. So no ominous tones unless you start getting more B's than that.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Emmy on September 04, 2013, 05:11:12 PM
Wow, I'm sorry some of you had parents say/do such awful things. 

My mom would criticize my hair as a teenager.  I had long hair (about halfway down my back) and would wear it down most of the time.  She would say "why don't you do something with your hair, it's just hanging" or "why don't you cut your hair?".  I thought hair was supposed to hang and was confused as to what else it should do.  Should it stick straight up?

My dad kept mentioning my weight during my first pregnancy.  He kept saying, I don't see why you need to gain more than 8 lbs, that is what a baby weighs and make sure I don't 'let myself go'.  He failed to take into consideration the extra fluid and stuff a pregnant woman has to carry around to support the baby.  I tried to explain this and tell him that the recommended weight gain for pregnant women is 25-35 lb.  Fortunately he didn't bring it up with my second pregnancy.

Even into my 20's my parents seem to think of me as a naive little girl who can't handle myself.  They hated the idea of me taking a trip by myself because apparently there would be predators after me and I wouldn't be savvy enough to look after myself.  I'm in my 30's and married now, but I imagine they would still think of me the same way.

My dad was a mechanic and would change the oil in my car when I came to visit.  He would always remark on how many miles I put on the car in a way that indicated that I drove way too much.  This was when I was in my 20's paying for the car, insurance, and gas.  Just for the record, I didn't drive an exceptional amount.  I just went to work which is a several mile commute and went out to do things with friends on the weekends.  If my dad drove very little, I could see where he was coming from, however when he was young, he drove much more than I did and often traveled long distances for ski trips, socializing, or out to eat.  After a while, I just went to Pep Boys for the oil change.

I found a job right out of college in my field.  It payed enough for me to be comfortable (although not a lot) and wasn't prestigious or glamorous, but I liked it.  They felt I should look for another job or go back to school.  I didn't really want to go back to grad school, but mentioned that if I did that I would study X (which was distantly related to my current field).  They tell me, 'oh, you really don't want to do X, that's a lot of work'.  Basically they thought I should go back to school, but not for the subject that would interest me most.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 04, 2013, 05:14:55 PM
I have always been tall and have had large bones. Therefore, puberty caused me to have hips and breasts, which made me go from a US size 12 to a 14. My father told me that I would have to go to the tent maker to get clothes made. Yeah, not his finest moment.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Midnight Kitty on September 04, 2013, 05:23:16 PM
My father tells me not to smile so much, especially if we are going to have a picture taken.  I don't know if it is because he has crooked teeth which he does not let show when he is talking or smiling.  His humor is very dry, so he doesn't laugh or smile much.  I can understand why he doesn't want to smile a great big smile because his crooked teeth would show, but why doesn't he want me to smile?  I've been told my smile is my best feature and that it "lights up" my face. :-\
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: lady_disdain on September 04, 2013, 05:51:22 PM
How sad - I much prefer a big, open, crooked tooth smile to someone who feels they have to rein in their smile to hide an imperfection.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Specky on September 04, 2013, 06:03:25 PM

Yikes.  I'm shocked that half of the posters here have anything to do with their parents now!




I don't have contact.  Cut direct for many reasons.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lynn2000 on September 04, 2013, 06:18:00 PM
Yikes.  I'm shocked that half of the posters here have anything to do with their parents now!

I am glad to hear that some people who've shared stories about the past have indeed cut contact--it sounds like those relationships were just not worth it. In my case, I'm pleased to report that my parents have gotten better as we've all gotten older. A few things from my childhood are still sore points, like the piano lessons and the pressure to get straight A's, but they aren't really relevant to my life now. (I do imagine that if I had kids, they would come up again, though.)

I don't feel like I have to "put up with" remarks that offend me anymore--I can do something about them, whether that's address them directly or remove myself from the situation for a while, or tell myself, "You know, just because Grandma wants me to do X, doesn't mean I actually have to do it," or "Just because my dad thinks I should change Y, doesn't mean I actually have to." I've found that to be incredibly freeing, and for me it's one of the perks of becoming an independent adult. I wouldn't go back to being a child again, not for anything. FREEDOM!  ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 04, 2013, 06:34:05 PM
I got my first tattoo in 1984, at age 23 (art deco design on right b**b). I didn't tell my folks for years. Then I got some moles removed for biopsy from my cleavage. My mom, the nurse, wanted to check how they were healing. When i showed her, she saw the tattoo.

She deadpan-yelled to my father in the next room: "David, your daughter has a tattoo!"

(long pause from Dad)

"I'm not surprised!"

The Sweetie loves this story. When I disclose to her that I've done Something Bad, or a cat has done Something Very Terrible, she usually responds, "I'm not surprised!"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 04, 2013, 06:51:47 PM
I can't tell you the amount of times I have been told that I looked too slouchy (what does that mean anyway?) and that I need to tuck my shirt in. T-shirts, tunics, anything, must be tucked in! I may tuck in a shirt 3-4 times a year because of the styles I wear.

My moms favorite? Women have a duty to fix up every day, meaning that they get up early, bathe, shave their legs, apply lotion and powder, style their hair, apply full makeup, get dressed in a matching outfit or dress, with jewelry. Men do not have to do any of this.

I had to finally break it to mom that I may wear makeup once or twice a month and my hair is very low maintenance. I hardly ever match. She hasn't brought it up since.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: nuit93 on September 04, 2013, 07:25:02 PM
I can't tell you the amount of times I have been told that I looked too slouchy (what does that mean anyway?) and that I need to tuck my shirt in. T-shirts, tunics, anything, must be tucked in! I may tuck in a shirt 3-4 times a year because of the styles I wear.

My moms favorite? Women have a duty to fix up every day, meaning that they get up early, bathe, shave their legs, apply lotion and powder, style their hair, apply full makeup, get dressed in a matching outfit or dress, with jewelry. Men do not have to do any of this.

I had to finally break it to mom that I may wear makeup once or twice a month and my hair is very low maintenance. I hardly ever match. She hasn't brought it up since.

Seeing as the last time I shaved my legs was February (of, um, 2012), I see I've failed in my duty as a woman :D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on September 04, 2013, 07:35:51 PM
Why do you send him stuff if he treats you like this?
It's a long, tangled story that's not worth typing up, and it would be very whiny.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 04, 2013, 07:56:39 PM
...   But every now and again, something sticks and I want to say, "Well, no one is making you live here."

You must surely have the patience of a saint.  Exactly those precise words would actually probably fall out of my mouth.  I just don't think I have the physical strength to clap my hand over my mouth hard enough to keep them in.   :-\
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 04, 2013, 08:19:17 PM
Now to the MIL.

She constantly praises her great-nieces children and her best friends' child as much more intelligent and talented than DH, her own son, or DS her grandson. She, being all of 4'11" and 225 lbs, had the nerve to call her grandson fat to his face a few years ago, when his height was catching up to his build. She did not see him for six months after that. She also likes to criticize celebrities on television for being too fat, short, etc. This is a person who refuses to comprehend that I throw away clothes once they are torn, because she wears t-shirts that have more holes than fabric at home.

I am wasteful, because I don't use powdered detergent in the washing machine or bar soap.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: whiterose on September 04, 2013, 08:27:15 PM
Not just my parents, but various other relatives:

- My shoes. Never mind I have not been called out for them at work once. Not even once.
- My pet mice. OK, so that is just one relative.
- My power-walking. Both the stride and the arm swing. And my twisting my left foot due to my limp.
- My directness.
- My quirky hobbies.
- OK, my being eccentric overall.

Curiously, my boyfriend has no issue with any of these things!!!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 04, 2013, 08:50:13 PM
This, of course, is evidence of my late mother's narcissism:  she expected me to read her mind and when I couldn't she ranted about it for months.

After her cancer surgery she couldn't do her own grocery shopping for a while, so I did it for her.  She had strong brand preferences, the only one of which I could remember was laundry detergent.  She was also not a native speaker of English and didn't spell certain things correctly so in order to avoid running into a Failure To Communicate I would go to her place early on the shopping day to discuss the list and rewrite it.

For example "cheeze nuddles" was Cheese Doodles, not the cheesy noodle side dish packet.

One day she asked for a pound of tomatoes.  She didn't say which ones or what she intended to use them for.  When I got to the store I bought some vine tomatoes because they looked the best.  They were not the ones on sale in the circular and were two and a half times the price.  She raked me over the coals about that for weeks and not just to my face, but to our relatives.

I asked the store whether they had a shopping and delivery service and they did.  It cost $4 per occasion and they would stick to a list.  My mother refused to do this, insisting they would never do it right.  She just wanted to abuse me over this.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: RegionMom on September 04, 2013, 09:17:23 PM
As a child, I was told I "look like a fat little Indian girl" if I wore my hair in pigtails.  (did not know how to braid till a babysitter taught me)

was told, in grade school, that I ruined so many outfits by tucking, or not tucking in, the shirt.

I could list SO many things, but this one seems to sum it up-

In college, I finally found I could do things ok, even pretty well, on my own, and I was learning to trust others and try new things.  (I had been very sheltered, and accused of all sorts of terrible things, I even got banned from TV for watching an MTV video!!)

Anyway, I was a founding member of a special group in college, one I had engraved on my senior ring, and have friends to this day from.  It was work getting a charter, being an officer, enforcing the rules, etc...but it was MINE, and I was proud of it!

Around junior year, I mentioned to mom via a rare phone call that I was having a minor frustration with something about the group. 

She sighed dramatically and said, "Why don't you just quit that silly group.  I have no idea why you are a part of it anyway, it doesn't, and won't mean anything.  It is too much trouble, just quit!"

This is the same mom that would not let my jr high friends have a goodbye party for me when we moved far away, because, "you have no real friends, they will forget you when you are gone."

so, it has been really hard for me to call someone a friend.  Thanks, mom!

Oh, the MOST ridiculous thing I was criticized for was  (caution-death of a child)


 not giving birth to my full term still born daughter on her schedule. 



See, we called her Sat evening, to tell her DD#2 was dead in the womb but still needed to be delivered, and I was staying at the hospital. 

she did hit the road to make her one and only ever trip out this way. 

DD was not born until Monday.  We had the funeral Thursday, for other friends and arrangements. 

Mom and stepdad changed from dress clothes into their travel clothes IN THE FUNERAL HOME's RESTROOM, instead of coming back home to share in the platters of food delivered by the church, knowing that people were coming over.

her words to me after burying my child?

"I had no idea the funeral would take so long to be arranged.  We have to get back home.  I am sure you understand."

Not really.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mbbored on September 04, 2013, 09:19:59 PM
RegionMom, I am so so sorry.

More from my mother. She thinks anything that might show off my figure or skin below my collarbones is "slutty." In high school, when I was 5'1" and 95 lbs, she'd buy me men's size medium shirts and size 10 pants.

Even today when I visit her, if I'm wearing a v-neck top with a camisole underneath and straight legged jeans, she says I'm not dressed appropriately. However, my sisters-in-law wear spaghetti straps, deep v-necks, leggings as pants, etc, and my mother always says I should dress more like them.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: StarFaerie on September 04, 2013, 09:24:02 PM
My Mum is/was insanely jealous of me and my time. She has hated every friend and boyfriend I've had, my ex-husband (who was actually a reasonably nice guy, just wrong for me) and their parents. If I went out for an evening and she found out, she would put in some PA dig asking why she wasn't invited and it must be nice to go out and leave her all alone. I haven't lived with her for 20 years so I have no idea what she was talking about on the all alone thing, she lives alone partly by choice and partly because no-one will put up with her. If she found out I went over to the in-laws house, it was 10 times worse.

Then earlier this year she refused to allow my boyfriend of 3 years to come to my birthday lunch (everyone paying their own way at a cheap chinese BBQ place) because he had never given her a birthday present (we give joint presents and she has never given him anything either), invited her out to coffee or invited her to his birthday dinner organised by his parents and she was not invited to his family's celebrations like his sister's birthday party, so why should he be invited to our family celebrations. Note this was not her birthday lunch, it was mine! And she would never have considered inviting his family to our family stuff.

She also gave a big rant yelling about how my ex-husband had never done any of those things either and I date/marry ungrateful, horrible men.

That was the final straw and I cut her out of my life.

ETA: Of course I have many more issues with her, this was just the one I felt was most ridiculous and illogical.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 05, 2013, 05:59:09 AM
RegionMom, that is outrageous.  I am so sorry this happened to you and nobody deserves to have a parent say such horrible things.   Is she still in your life?


On the subject of hobbies and clothes:  When I was active in the SCA and making historical garb my mother could not be convinced that it wasn't a cult.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 05, 2013, 06:32:14 AM
RegionMom, that's awful!  So sorry she treated you that way on top of the other pain you had to have been feeling!

In the topic of people getting blamed for things, I got blamed for my younger brother's school performance.  Mind you later we discovered both my brother and I have ADD and a lot of the troubles we had with school were related to that.   But until then it was "He's doing the same things you did! You set a bad example!!"   

The things I was doing? Forgetting homework assignments, or doing them and then losing them before they could be turned in, being disorganized, poor test performance, and of course, difficulty in paying attention.

On the subject of hobbies and such, and this doesn't really involve me, just my kids.  They would always go to my oldest son's activities.  Heck my dad even coached his basketball team.  But when my middle child wanted to play flag football and we signed him up, I had to practically beg them to come to the two games they did attend. (because child wanted them to cheer him on.)   And they are football fans, so it's not like they just weren't interested in the sport. 

They also criticized how chubby he was...at 2-3 years, compared to my oldest who is 18 months older and had already been slimming out as kids do.  Plus my boys have different builds.  My oldest is very slim, built like my brother and I are and taking after my paternal grandmother's family in being tall and lean. My middle child (and youngest, possibly) are built like my husband's family who are of good German and Scottish stock.  Heck, middle child is practically a clone of DH.  But there were always comments like "Boy look at that Buddha belly, he won't have to worry about starving to death!"  ::)

The child's physician wasn't worried about his weight and when he got older he was wearing slim fit pants just like the oldest. But I still had to convince him he's not fat.  It wasn't just them though, it was kids in his class too, where we used to live.  Moving away in addition to the cut direct was the best choice we made. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: *inviteseller on September 05, 2013, 06:51:38 AM
Well, as some of you know, my dad just pass Saturday and I wish he would give me some more of his 'advice' one more time, but growing up he drove me crazy!  He always prefaced it with that famous line (everyone sing with me) "I am only saying this for your own good" but some of his thoughts were, umm, interesting

*makeup and nail polish, other than a pale lipstick or clear nail polish made you look like a loose woman.  I grew up in the 80's and Cyndi Lauper & Boy George were my fashion role models, so there was some clashing.

*Only loose girls got their ears pierced or <gasp> tattoos (I have both)

*Girls never called boys because it made the girl look loose.

*If you rode in the back of a pick up truck, you would fall out and you would be decapitated.

And of course there was the numerous financial 'advice' (criticism of my spending habits) especially when I bought something that was expensive (I called and had him give me advice when I bought my fridge recently..oy, what was I thinking???)

I love my dad more than anything and now, as we remember him in his passing, we are using some of this as fodder for funny stories cause it was so out there. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: JonGirl on September 05, 2013, 07:18:20 AM


My mum complains about my drinking and how I'm gonna put all my weight back on.
I'm dx depressed and anxious by my doctor but my parents don't know, I don't give a dingdangity about my weight.

They complain sometimes about the size of my house (very tiny) we have a lot of stuff with no room to move which is a lie...
We are happy here and we don't want to move... If you don't like it... don't come around...
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on September 05, 2013, 08:31:02 AM
My mother did like her soap operas and this is a humorous example of it and an example of her need to worry. 

For a few months after I moved into my own apartment, I retained a joint checking account with my mother.  On one visit home, she seemed disturbed about something.  I soon learned what it was.

After dinner she sat me down for a serious talk.  With tears in her eyes she wanted to know who someone I'll call 'Mr. Jones' was and why was I paying him 'all this money every month'.

'Mr. Jones' was my landlord and 'all this money every money every month' was my rent. 

Mother was greatly relieved.  She thought that 'Mr. Jones' was blackmailing me. 
 

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Anyanka on September 05, 2013, 11:46:01 AM
Learning French and trying to fit into Quebec culture is worthy of hours of agonsied discussions on the phone.  Appearantly immigrants to UK should adapt to speaking English and doing British things but emmigrants from UK don't need to change.... :o
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 05, 2013, 12:13:39 PM
My dad was pretty strict when I was growing up.  Some of the things he took issue with:

- Wearing jeans.  I was born in 1964, and by the early-to-mid 70's, girls wore jeans as a regular thing (as opposed to dresses).  He HATED the thought of me in jeans and refused to let my mother buy me any.   
- Wearing makeup of any kind.   I once showed up at the dinner table wearing red lipstick (it was the 80's), and he snapped "That looks awful."
- Having my ears pierced.  I finally had them done on the quiet when I was 18, figuring that it was better to ask forgiveness than permission.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on September 05, 2013, 12:22:56 PM
Oh! On the subject of clothing...primary colors! My dad always wanted us in Red! or Blue! or maybe, just maybe, Yellow! I remember a lot of power struggles over me wanting to wear something pink or purple.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: magicdomino on September 05, 2013, 12:56:25 PM
My dad was pretty strict when I was growing up.  Some of the things he took issue with:

- Wearing jeans.  I was born in 1964, and by the early-to-mid 70's, girls wore jeans as a regular thing (as opposed to dresses).  He HATED the thought of me in jeans and refused to let my mother buy me any.    - Wearing makeup of any kind.   I once showed up at the dinner table wearing red lipstick (it was the 80's), and he snapped "That looks awful."
- Having my ears pierced.  I finally had them done on the quiet when I was 18, figuring that it was better to ask forgiveness than permission.

Ah, yes, blue jeans or, as my mother called them, dungerees.  She refused to buy them because they are difficult to iron.   ???
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: siamesecat2965 on September 05, 2013, 01:03:49 PM
My dad was pretty strict when I was growing up.  Some of the things he took issue with:

- Wearing jeans.  I was born in 1964, and by the early-to-mid 70's, girls wore jeans as a regular thing (as opposed to dresses).  He HATED the thought of me in jeans and refused to let my mother buy me any.    - Wearing makeup of any kind.   I once showed up at the dinner table wearing red lipstick (it was the 80's), and he snapped "That looks awful."
- Having my ears pierced.  I finally had them done on the quiet when I was 18, figuring that it was better to ask forgiveness than permission.

Ah, yes, blue jeans or, as my mother called them, dungerees.  She refused to buy them because they are difficult to iron.   ???

My mother still looks at me disapprovingly sometimes when I wear jeans.  She is of the era, and I was brought up the same way, that you dress up for things, such as holiday means, even if at home, going out to eat, etc. Which is fine, but I can’t tell you how many times over the years I “dressed up” for holidays etc. either at home going to friends, and the rest of the “kids” my age were much more casually dressed.  I’ve finally gotten her to realize that jeans are not sloppy, and will tell her, hey, we’re going shopping at the outlets, and I’m wearing jeans.

What’s funny is I have these black capri sweatpants. Nice ones, made of French terry, but still sweatpants. I had them on one time driving the 8 hours to my parents, and that night we were going out to dinner. I was asked to “dress nicely” ad told the pants I had on were nice! I then broke it to her that they were sweatpants, but they weren’t jeans, so they were acceptable.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 05, 2013, 01:15:15 PM
I remember being expected to dress up for Thanksgiving dinners.  Not super fancy, but just nicer than what you'd wear day to day. 

My IL's just do jeans and sweatshirts.  It's so nice to not have to worry about getting gravy on a nice skirt and just kicking back and pigging out! :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: MissRose on September 05, 2013, 01:16:43 PM
Where could I start with my mother:

*My driving - I am a safe and good driver but she loves to tell me when I have to take her places especially long trips to see her mother that I am either I am going too fast, slow, why I am taking a certain way, etc.    My grandmother (her mother) does not get why she has to open her mouth constantly and just shakes her head at her kid.

*My clothing choices - I am short and plus sized. Either she complains that things are too loose or too tight, I show too much cleavage, I could wear a different outfit for a  I could wear colors or patterns (as I prefer black clothing).  I'd love to be a size 8 like her but even if I dropped the weight I will still have wide shoulders and hips with decent sized bosom.

*I wear too much makeup. Then again she wears none by choice.  My makeup is not heavily applied at all.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: blueyzca01 on September 05, 2013, 01:40:38 PM
My dad was pretty strict when I was growing up.  Some of the things he took issue with:

- Wearing jeans.  I was born in 1964, and by the early-to-mid 70's, girls wore jeans as a regular thing (as opposed to dresses).  He HATED the thought of me in jeans and refused to let my mother buy me any.   
- Wearing makeup of any kind.  I once showed up at the dinner table wearing red lipstick (it was the 80's), and he snapped "That looks awful."
- Having my ears pierced.  I finally had them done on the quiet when I was 18, figuring that it was better to ask forgiveness than permission.

I got told that I looked like a hussy when I showed up in red lips.  Funny thing was, a couple of years later, my mom stumbled on the absolute perfect shade of red lipstick...and bought it for me.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on September 05, 2013, 01:47:06 PM
I don't understand the objection some parents have to ear piercing.  People have been piercing their ears for thousands of years, and just about every woman I know has pierced ears.  My religious fanatic parents consider it to be a sin (along with a long list of other common behaviors).  I have no idea why.  If anyone can shed some light on this, I'd be interested to hear it. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: siamesecat2965 on September 05, 2013, 02:06:52 PM
My dad was pretty strict when I was growing up.  Some of the things he took issue with:

- Wearing jeans.  I was born in 1964, and by the early-to-mid 70's, girls wore jeans as a regular thing (as opposed to dresses).  He HATED the thought of me in jeans and refused to let my mother buy me any.   
- Wearing makeup of any kind.  I once showed up at the dinner table wearing red lipstick (it was the 80's), and he snapped "That looks awful."
- Having my ears pierced.  I finally had them done on the quiet when I was 18, figuring that it was better to ask forgiveness than permission.

I got told that I looked like a hussy when I showed up in red lips.  Funny thing was, a couple of years later, my mom stumbled on the absolute perfect shade of red lipstick...and bought it for me.

I had a friend in college who had on really red nailpolish one time. I never met her parents, but her father apparently asked her "what color is that? Revlon come scrabble me red?"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 05, 2013, 02:09:30 PM
My friends were all getting their ears pierced and I BEGGED to get mine done.  Mom always said no.  I secretly think it was because she didn't think I was old enough to look after them myself.

When I was 10, there was a gift certificate on the Christmas tree for me to get mine done.  Mom took me in for the appointment and on the spur of the moment, got hers done, too.  You've spent how long telling me I can't get my ears pierced and when you finally let me, you do yours, too.  Really?

But I didn't care; I was just happy to get mine done.  Until I found out that I was allergic to nickel.  Couldn't even wear stainless steel.  I still have those piercings but only wear 14 to 18 carat gold keeper hoops in them 99.9% of the time.

I was born in 1968.  I didn't get a pair of jeans until I was in Grade 5 and only got them because I needed them for a costume for the skating carnival I was participating in.  I wore those things to death.  And managed to talk Mom into getting me more.  She wanted a girly-girl.  She got a tomboy.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 05, 2013, 02:15:48 PM
My mother took me to get my ears pierced when I was four.  After hearing girl friends express envy because they weren't allowed to at all or had to wait till a certain age, I asked my mother why I was allowed to get mine so young.

She said "Remember how much it hurt?" I said no and she said "that's why."

Well about 2 years ago I got another hole added and it barely hurt at all, not enough that I can really see why I'd need to have it done young enough that I'd forget it.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on September 05, 2013, 02:21:19 PM
With my dad, I think his dislike for ear piercing was about four reasons rolled into one:

--He thought it was Disfiguring The Body. He had a weird, arbitrary set of rules on what constituted disfigurement, in which piercings disfigured the body, but plastic surgery was a grand thing because of how much better it made people look, in his eyes.
--It cost money.
--It was for grown women, ergo a kid or teen who did it was "fast."
--He worried we wouldn't take good care of the holes, which might have even been true.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Jones on September 05, 2013, 02:35:52 PM
The religion in which I was raised is anti-tattoo, anti-most piercings; a single pair of pierces in the lobes is allowed for women only. I think it has something to do with a quote in the New Testament, 1 Corinthians? I can look it up if necessary. I will admit that I often got the feeling that a "single modest pair" was only allowed because so many older women already had theirs done when the rule came out.

Well, the piercing in my one ear ripped through; it eventually healed enough I could wear a small hoop or stud in it, by which point I had already gotten a new pierce as we thought my first would heal all the way. At 16 I, of course, wore earrings in all three holes; usually one hoop and a stud in the right ear, and a stud or matching hoop on the left. Sometimes I wore three matching studs. Very small things. My parents sat me down and had a conversation about how people would perceive my faith based on what I wore and how they hadn't thought I was getting another pierce, but a replacement pierce.

Funny thing is, now, I wear earrings maybe 3-4 times a year. I don't regret the extra pierce, certainly not the way I was warned I one day would, and I don't see myself ever regretting it.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 05, 2013, 02:36:50 PM
I don't understand the objection some parents have to ear piercing.  People have been piercing their ears for thousands of years, and just about every woman I know has pierced ears.  My religious fanatic parents consider it to be a sin (along with a long list of other common behaviors).  I have no idea why.  If anyone can shed some light on this, I'd be interested to hear it.

Two of my friends say that their parents had the idea that pierced ears were strictly for "Italians, gypsies, and [women of ill repute]."  During the Third Reich Hitler disapproved because it was "unnatural" (Fortunately, my mother's family didn't buy into that one).  Another friend said that her mother was under the impression that it wasn't "American" and saw it as something done in "the old country".  None of her three daughters bought that.

These people should all have seen the guy I saw in Starbucks last weekend who had gauges the size of bangle bracelets.

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: lilfox on September 05, 2013, 03:04:25 PM
Heh, my mom pestered me for years because she wanted me to get my ears pierced as a kid.  It was always up to me, but she offered to buy me lots of earrings if I would just "stop being a coward" and do it already.  I was terrified of needles, even had to be restrained to get shots, so I refused. Also, it seemed like a big hassle to me.  I eventually had it done at age 19 on my own terms.

Then she thought all my talk about getting a tattoo in my 20s was just talk because of the needle phobia.  I still hate shots (who doesn't) but I can handle it.  After I had it done, she tried to 'embarrass' me in front of my relatives about it, and was taken aback when they immediately questioned me about where I had it done, what was it like, how long to decide on the design, etc., for their own ink interests!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: StuffedGrapeLeaves on September 05, 2013, 03:21:16 PM
It's funny to hear all the stories about pierced ears because in my culture, baby girls get pierced ears very early.  I got mine done when I was less than a year old.  I was surprised when my American friends were envious that I had pierced ears in elementary school because most of them were not allowed to get them until they were much older. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: artk2002 on September 05, 2013, 04:11:36 PM
I don't understand the objection some parents have to ear piercing.  People have been piercing their ears for thousands of years, and just about every woman I know has pierced ears.  My religious fanatic parents consider it to be a sin (along with a long list of other common behaviors).  I have no idea why.  If anyone can shed some light on this, I'd be interested to hear it.

It likely comes from the "your body is a temple" verse from 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. The idea is that modifying your body is defiling that temple and an insult to God. There's also Leviticus 19:28 (no tattoos or "cuts for the dead") as well as 1 Timothy 2:9 (women must dress modestly.) There's even one in Exodus about poking holes in someone's ear and making them a slave forever.

As Venus noted, there is more general objection based on the "wrong" kind of people having pierced ears or simply "we just don't do that here."

As an aside, on young kids and pierced ears: I'm probably going to make at least one 7yo girl cry this weekend over pierced ears. I'm a soccer referee and the kids are absolutely not allowed to play with anything in their ears, nor are they allowed to cover them up with tape. The earrings have to come out. Except that this is the first weekend of the season (and early in the school year) so of course they go out and get their ears pierced a day or so before the game -- and argue that they can't take the earring out until everything heals. Hence the unhappy little girl who's so proud of her new earrings but isn't allowed to play. And I'm a big meanie. *sigh*
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 05, 2013, 04:33:23 PM
... I'm a soccer referee and the kids are absolutely not allowed to play with anything in their ears, nor are they allowed to cover them up with tape. The earrings have to come out. Except that this is the first weekend of the season (and early in the school year) so of course they go out and get their ears pierced a day or so before the game -- and argue that they can't take the earring out until everything heals. Hence the unhappy little girl who's so proud of her new earrings but isn't allowed to play. And I'm a big meanie. *sigh*

Do you have any way of knowing the names of the kids who are going to be playing before the school year begins?  If so, would it be possible to send a note home to parents either before school lets out in the spring or at least six weeks before school begins again in the fall reminding them about the no earrings rule and that there will be NO EXCEPTIONS!! 

Maybe that would help the parents and girls choose a more appropriate time for piercing -- either well before or right after soccer season.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Jones on September 05, 2013, 04:44:07 PM
... I'm a soccer referee and the kids are absolutely not allowed to play with anything in their ears, nor are they allowed to cover them up with tape. The earrings have to come out. Except that this is the first weekend of the season (and early in the school year) so of course they go out and get their ears pierced a day or so before the game -- and argue that they can't take the earring out until everything heals. Hence the unhappy little girl who's so proud of her new earrings but isn't allowed to play. And I'm a big meanie. *sigh*

Do you have any way of knowing the names of the kids who are going to be playing before the school year begins?  If so, would it be possible to send a note home to parents either before school lets out in the spring or at least six weeks before school begins again in the fall reminding them about the no earrings rule and that there will be NO EXCEPTIONS!! 

Maybe that would help the parents and girls choose a more appropriate time for piercing -- either well before or right after soccer season.
Art, you're AYSO correct? If so, then everyone has already read and signed off on the rules, including earrings...in my area anyway. But, yes, there are always the special ones who ignore it.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CocoCamm on September 05, 2013, 04:50:12 PM
My mother did like her soap operas and this is a humorous example of it and an example of her need to worry. 

For a few months after I moved into my own apartment, I retained a joint checking account with my mother.  On one visit home, she seemed disturbed about something.  I soon learned what it was.

After dinner she sat me down for a serious talk.  With tears in her eyes she wanted to know who someone I'll call 'Mr. Jones' was and why was I paying him 'all this money every month'.

'Mr. Jones' was my landlord and 'all this money every money every month' was my rent. 

Mother was greatly relieved.  She thought that 'Mr. Jones' was blackmailing me. 
 

I'm sorry but I found that to be absolutely hysterical!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: artk2002 on September 05, 2013, 05:55:47 PM
... I'm a soccer referee and the kids are absolutely not allowed to play with anything in their ears, nor are they allowed to cover them up with tape. The earrings have to come out. Except that this is the first weekend of the season (and early in the school year) so of course they go out and get their ears pierced a day or so before the game -- and argue that they can't take the earring out until everything heals. Hence the unhappy little girl who's so proud of her new earrings but isn't allowed to play. And I'm a big meanie. *sigh*

Do you have any way of knowing the names of the kids who are going to be playing before the school year begins?  If so, would it be possible to send a note home to parents either before school lets out in the spring or at least six weeks before school begins again in the fall reminding them about the no earrings rule and that there will be NO EXCEPTIONS!! 

Maybe that would help the parents and girls choose a more appropriate time for piercing -- either well before or right after soccer season.

We tell the coaches this every year. They tell their families every year. Someone ignores it every year.

Art, you're AYSO correct? If so, then everyone has already read and signed off on the rules, including earrings...in my area anyway. But, yes, there are always the special ones who ignore it.

Ayup, that's me! And then there's my nemesis -- the "other ref". "The other ref let her play with earrings in!" When I catch up to "the other ref," s/he's going to get put in a remedial refereeing class, or have to put up with me supervising his/her games for a few weeks. Strangely, there's never a name and the family can't remember if it was last week or the week before, so they're not sure which game it was and well, all you refs look the same so how could we know who it is and besides you're just doing this to be mean to little kids. (Yeah, I give up my weekends, get verbally abused by parents all for the joy of making little girls cry.)

Maybe I'll have some good Special Snowflake stories this season!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: amandaelizabeth on September 05, 2013, 07:21:48 PM
both my parents were very supportive of their children.  However my mother did have a thing about jeans.  We had to buy them with our own money, and were not permitted to wear them as 'tidy wear'.

Cue a recent visit to the nursing home, where my mother now lives.  She was wearing jeans, and when I expressed amazement she treated me to a lecture about how comfy they were and how come I had let her get 87 before she found out!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Asharah on September 05, 2013, 07:48:19 PM
It kinds of annoys me when I see babies with pierced ears. They should have to nag their moms at least as much as I had to do first!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: *inviteseller on September 05, 2013, 09:51:54 PM
I coached our in our soccer association for 6 years and the rule was all jewelry off but if it was a new piercing it had to be covered with band aids.  We did have one SS parent who said their child would NOT wear band aids over their ears.  She wasn't happy sitting out the whole game but had band aids the next game.  It was asked, at each seasons sign up, that they wait till the season was over to get the piercings, but it wasn't forbidden.  I actually only encountered it twice in the 6 years, twice a year seasons.

My dad said only loose women got their ears pierced.  Repeatedly..after I lied at 16 to get mine done.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on September 05, 2013, 11:10:15 PM
I'm very lucky in that my parents have always been more supportive than critical, but my mother has one thing about my house that she hates and she ALWAYS harps about when she stops by.  This big awful thing that drives her so mad? 

Dog kennels.

I have dog kennels in my living room-dining/computer room.  I have three dogs.  Those of you who recall my house photo thread have at least some idea of the fact that Bedside Manor is very small, and I'm very limited as to where the crates could go.  My mom suggested the back porch room (which gets hot as blazes in the summer and just as cold as outside(about-40C ) in winter.  The basement? That's where the cat food and litterboxes are.  The basement floor is bare concrete so the dogs would be quite cold and it would be hard on their joints.  Also, the basement has a door that is always closed that has a cat door already installed.  Kitties can go downstairs, all three dogs are trained to not.  If I go down to do laundry or whatever, they all stop and wait at the top of the stairs.  I like that (no tripping over dogs running up and down the stairs) and I'm not un-training them now.  Bedroom and kitchen are both out of the question.  So I'm pretty much keeping the kennels the only place I CAN keep the kennels.

I'm not seeing the big deal.  The crates are vacuumed and cleaned regularly so it's not like they're filthy or ugly.  I just don't get it.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gmatoy on September 05, 2013, 11:38:51 PM
It kinds of annoys me when I see babies with pierced ears. They should have to nag their moms at least as much as I had to do first!

So, after reading the above, here was what I envisioned: Mom frazzled about baby crying for hours, in exhaustion, thinks, "Maybe baby is crying about wanting her ears pierced! I will take her right away!"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gmatoy on September 05, 2013, 11:52:34 PM
Okay, this is my big complaint about my mother: When I was going to college, my mother said to me, "I always thought that (youngest sister) would be the one that went to college!" I sat there and ate my tongue.

Yeah, I took college prep classes for no reason because when I was 17, my father told me I had 12 months to live at home. Despite the fact that I wouldn't have finished high school yet! (To my mother's credit, she at least got him to let me stay until I graduated.) So, even though I wanted to go to college, I joined the Army instead.

So, she always thought my sister would be THE ONE to go to college?!!  Really?!! Huh, I always thought that I would be the one ... until my parents wouldn't even let me live at home and pay my own way through college. ARG!

It took me 26 years to start college, but I did it in 4 years and I was on the Dean's list every single quarter! Thanks, Mom, for telling me that you don't think I'm smart enough or dedicated enough.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Dindrane on September 06, 2013, 12:55:54 AM
I appreciate deeply the fact that my parents' criticism of me are totally small potatoes, and mostly either laughed at or easily ignored.

One that amuses me the most was when I got my nose pierced. I was 18, a freshman in college, and got it pierced the weekend before Thanksgiving. I was nice enough to tell my mom about it before she saw me, and she was about as dubious as I expected her to be. When she saw it for the first time, she told me, "I guess it's not so bad, if you don't mind having a silver zit on your nose for the rest of your life." Gee, thanks Mom.

I am now 28 and still have said nose piercing. People still ask me when I got it done, even though the answer is usually something along the lines of "6 years before I met you." If people notice it at all (which they mostly don't), it's because they like it and think it looks good. I pierced my nose in the first place because I have an exceptionally nice one and wanted to decorate it (;)), but I am also fortunate that the guy who pierced it did an exceptionally good job in choosing a location for the piercing.

The other one that has always amused me is my dad's thoughts on makeup. Both my parents came of age in the 60s and 70s, and I'm originally from Texas. My dad's mental picture of "woman wearing makeup" is someone with foundation troweled on so thick it'll crack if she so much as smiles, 1/4" thick eyeliner, and uber-blond hair teased within an inch of it's life.

At least for the past decade or so, I have leaned very heavily towards the "Makeup? What makeup?" look. My dad has absolutely no idea when I'm wearing makeup, because it doesn't look like his mental picture. But if I tell him that I'm wearing it (or someone else does), he'll get all disapproving because makeup is over the top. For him, there is no middle ground between "no makeup" and "1970s Texas Beauty Queen makeup."

My hair has sort of recently become a bit of a bone of contention, mostly with my mom. I recently discovered that my hair is curly, and so I style it in such a way that the strands stick together in clumps (to form locks of hair) because it defines the curls and keeps frizz at bay. My mom's opinion of this is that "your hair used to be so soft" and to make mostly-not-joking jokes about how I never let her touch it anymore.

The irony to this whole thing is that the texture of my hair is exactly like my mom's (only her hair is thinner, finer, and less frizzy). She wears it short now, so the length and the fact that it's actually more manageable than mine means she can comb it and still have it look nice. She's told me dozens of stories about the lengths she used to go to to get straight hair (none of which could ever compete against humidity), but still scoffs at me when I tell her I wear my hair the way I do pretty much entirely because my hair laughs in the face of blow dryers and flat irons. Even if I wanted to wear it brushed so it's smooth and straight (I don't), it's never once in my life actually done that. Even when I spent half an hour every morning blow drying it in high school, the ends would still curl and the whole lot of it would get frizzy and tangled.

Seriously, both my siblings and my dad have extremely curly hair. I'm pretty much over fighting genetics here. I'll take smooth ringlets my mom isn't allowed to touch over frizzy, wavy, tangled hair that nothing can beat into submission any day.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Emmy on September 06, 2013, 08:58:39 AM
My mom is great, but once in a rare while she must be in a mood because she would pick a fight with me for no good reason when I lived at home.  Usually this fight would involve a guilt trip.

On one of my pre-teen birthdays (can't remember which), my grandmother couldn't come because she sick.  I expressed regret that Grandmom would not be there to celebrate my birthday with us as she always had in the past and I would miss her.  My mom goes on a rant out of the blue that I am selfish and should be ashamed of myself that I am complaining about not getting a gift.  I never said anything about a gift and wasn't even thinking about it, but thanks Mom for thinking the best of me.  :-\

I was a teenager at the time and attending church the Sunday after the youth group went to a summer retreat.  We all got t-shirts at the retreat and the youth leader suggested we wear them to church.  Younger people commonly dressed more casually for church so it wasn't out of the norm.  I wore mine with a pair of long shorts, not denim, but still casual.  My mom complained that I was dressed inappropriately and I said the leader suggested we wear the shirts and the shorts go nicely with them.  She made another comment along the lines of 'what will people think' and I said 'I don't care what people think'.  Being self-conscious teenager, her remarks made me doubt my clothing choice.  She starts harping about how I do care about how people think, otherwise I wouldn't be so annoyed by her comments and kept going on and on about it.  So she was right, but it was a stupid argument and she should have dropped it.  It's like she was enjoying pressing my buttons.  Now that I am a parent, I hope I know  when to keep my mouth shut and don't continue on with a silly point and upset my kids must for the sake of being 'right'.

I usually kept my personal life private from my parents as I got older and didn't confide in them, especially about relationships.  When I was 19, I had been in a relationship for over a year, but was becoming bored and had another guy in college that I found interesting.  I wanted to break up with my then bf and date around.  I felt guilty because bf wasn't a bad person or hadn't done anything to want to break up and also felt guilty because I developing feelings for somebody else while still having a bf.  Anyway, I was confiding in my mom about my feelings and felt that I should be honest with Joe and tell him I wanted to see other people.  In that tone of voice that drips with disapproval she said "well, *sigh* if breaking up with Joe will make you feel less guilty" and basically said my wanting to be honest with my then bf was my selfish way of trying to rid myself of guilt.  And my parents wonder when I barely ever confided in them.

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: caz on September 06, 2013, 10:21:36 AM
However, as a teen, I was told that my influence was causing younger (adopted) siblings to act up

Ha, yeah, I got in trouble anytime one of the younger sibs cussed. I must have taught them the words, you see. Protestations that they had learned the words from movies (or their own friends) fell on deaf ears.

When I was in college, my older brothers waited to tell the youngest a few swear words.... until a weekend I was due back.  Knowing I would get the "well, he never swore before you came home from college".  Pretty clever, really :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on September 06, 2013, 10:50:52 AM
I was going through the devastating end of a 6-year serious relationship.  I happened to mention some random guy (a neighbor or classmate) to my mom, and she said, "Are you trying to get him to ask you out?"  I said, "Why would you ask that?", and she said, "Oh, you just seem to go from one guy to another". 

Just about any time I mention any male, Mom asks "Is he married?"  One time I mentioned some male and added "and no, he's not married".  Mom responded with, "Is he black?"  :o 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mbbored on September 06, 2013, 11:18:11 AM
I was going through the devastating end of a 6-year serious relationship.  I happened to mention some random guy (a neighbor or classmate) to my mom, and she said, "Are you trying to get him to ask you out?"  I said, "Why would you ask that?", and she said, "Oh, you just seem to go from one guy to another". 

Just about any time I mention any male, Mom asks "Is he married?"  One time I mentioned some male and added "and no, he's not married".  Mom responded with, "Is he black?"  :o

My mother believes the only two acceptable excuses for me not dating any man I mention is them being married or not attracted to women. If I say "He has a long-term, live-in girlfriend," her response is: "Well, it's not like that sounds permanent."
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Midnight Kitty on September 06, 2013, 01:17:49 PM
My mother believes the only two acceptable excuses for me not dating any man I mention is them being married or not attracted to women. If I say "He has a long-term, live-in girlfriend," her response is: "Well, it's not like that sounds permanent."
Well, speaking in geological terms, even the Rock of Gibralter is temporary. >:D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: spookycatlady on September 06, 2013, 02:30:00 PM
My Dad asks me when the next time I'm going to visit them every time we talk and gets huffy if I travel anywhere, but home.  I don't go back for a reason, the last time I went home to visit, just before I arrived, Dad volunteered to switch shifts and was working for the full week I was there.  Oh?  Did I mention that his workplace was a fly-in only type scenario? 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on September 06, 2013, 05:03:48 PM
My Dad asks me when the next time I'm going to visit them every time we talk and gets huffy if I travel anywhere, but home.  I don't go back for a reason, the last time I went home to visit, just before I arrived, Dad volunteered to switch shifts and was working for the full week I was there.  Oh?  Did I mention that his workplace was a fly-in only type scenario?

(Before a visit). When are you coming?

(When we arrive). How long will you be staying?  Why not stay the whole week?

(As soon as we say when we're leaving).  When are you coming back?

My parents used to do this and MIL continues the tradition. 

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Midnight Kitty on September 06, 2013, 05:15:54 PM
My Dad asks me when the next time I'm going to visit them every time we talk and gets huffy if I travel anywhere, but home.  I don't go back for a reason, the last time I went home to visit, just before I arrived, Dad volunteered to switch shifts and was working for the full week I was there.  Oh?  Did I mention that his workplace was a fly-in only type scenario?
I'm not sure I understand; Did you get to spend any time with your Dad during the week you were there?  Or was he working somewhere else where you could not visit?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: snowflake on September 06, 2013, 05:18:15 PM
Here is the current "Improve Snowflake" list:

1) Lose weight.  OK, so I'm a few pounds over.  But they've been going on about this since I was 16, 6 feet tall and a size 6.  I think I'm pretty deaf to their comments there.

2) Why can't you major in something useful, like Computer Science.
Yep, more than a decade after school we are STILL revisiting this.  I have two siblings who are currently asking me for money because they are not working as programmers. They say it got too boring.  I share a whole lot of interests with these siblings.

3) Now that you have some work experience, you should try and get in at a place like Microsoft or Google.
Let's look at that - the sentence starts with "now" as if I've been puttering around flipping burgers and doing temp jobs between long periods of loafing.  Actually, I have worked full-time in "grown up jobs" since I graduated with a BS at age 21.  Five years in one industry and 13 in another.  Both industries are pretty stable and I have a fair amount of responsibility at my current job.  I've always used technology but have zero experience in development/production of software or hardware.  So what they mean is that I can get some good character witnesses to say I'm a hard worker and can now get a job as a receptionist or secretary and work my way up.  Um, no thank you!

4) You listen to too much talk radio.
Sheesh, I listen to the BBC news on NPR and that's IT. They're all CNN junkies so what's the difference?  But they make it sound like I'm wasting hours while listening to shock-jocks.

5) You spend too much money.
Yes, but I don't spend more than I earn and therefore I have cash for my splurges (unlike them who are always paying bills for the stuff they bought.)

6) Your husband is going to leave you if you make him parent.
Actually, I think he'd leave me if I didn't let him interact with the kids.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: weeblewobble on September 06, 2013, 05:53:20 PM
My father would criticize DH & I every time we bought something new.  Why, you ask?  Because "You should've given it to your sister.  She doesn't have any money, and I know she needs a (car, coat, thingamabob)."

BarensMom, did your dad mean that you should have given sis the old one or that you should have given her the new one?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: weeblewobble on September 06, 2013, 06:07:45 PM
I enjoy a really good relationship with my parents as an adult because they see what a productive, responsible adult I have turned out to be.  But when I was a preteen to teenager, I got almost weekly lectures (mostly from dad) on being lazy, being scatterbrained, being a lackluster student, being interested in too many things besides school (creative pursuits like writing, which I now do for a living.)  Seriously, they acted like I was the worst behaved teenager in the world because I was getting a C- in math and spent a lot of time daydreaming.

The only thing that got them to stop was when my mom made some comment around a former friend's father about how unfocused and flighty I was and he countered that my former friend regularly snuck boys into the house while he and his wife were sleeping, had stolen cash and jewelry from them, took liquor from their liquor cabinet put it in an apple juice bottle so she could drink all day under their noses, and let a friend who had run away from home sleep in the family van every night for week.*  He told her, "I would take 'unfocused and flighty' any day." And mom realized that I wasn't so bad and she needed to be grateful for what she had.


*This behavior was what lead to her being a former friend.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 06, 2013, 07:30:24 PM
My mother didn't really like DH and it didn't help his case that he was my first boyfriend.  I'd been on dates prior to this relationship, but no one else had really clicked.  As far as I was concerned, he was cute, we had common interests and he was good to me and he did actually meet many of the criteria I'd set for a man I'd like to marry.

1) Patient
2) Had no interest in changing me
3) Doesn't believe in hitting women
4) Very long fuse/minimal temper
5) Monty Python fan.

He has other qualities too that were a  nice bonus, like a very good gift giver, a very good listener, and as affectionate as I am. :)

My mom's theory on why I wanted to marry him?  Because he was the first guy to ask.  ::)  This is the same woman who encouraged me to date the first guy who was interested in me because "He thinks you're pretty and he's nice!"  Yeah, but he was boring as heck. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 06, 2013, 08:00:07 PM
...   My mom's theory on why I wanted to marry him?  Because he was the first guy to ask.  ::)  ...

You know, people used to say that phrase all the time and it always puzzled me immensely.  Yes, I also married the first guy who asked  .... because I had the decency to not continue dating a guy I had no interest in and knew I would/could not ever marry.  To have strung a boy along until he asked, just so I could say "no thanks" seemed like the epitome of idiocy and cruelty and would have wasted my time and his chance to meet a girl who would actually love him to pieces. 

So in my personal opinion, that you married the first guy who asked is a compliment to your integrity.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 06, 2013, 08:45:12 PM
Well I think my mother meant that I was foolish to marry the first guy I ever had a relationship with.  Not so much that he was the first to propose, but that I should have had more relationships before settling down. 

But I wasn't about to let him go once I found him just to have more experience with relationships! I just was fortunate to find a guy that met my criteria first crack out of the gate, so to speak! LOL! 

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TootsNYC on September 06, 2013, 08:51:16 PM
...   My mom's theory on why I wanted to marry him?  Because he was the first guy to ask.  ::)  ...

You know, people used to say that phrase all the time and it always puzzled me immensely.  Yes, I also married the first guy who asked  .... because I had the decency to not continue dating a guy I had no interest in and knew I would/could not ever marry.  To have strung a boy along until he asked, just so I could say "no thanks" seemed like the epitome of idiocy and cruelty and would have wasted my time and his chance to meet a girl who would actually love him to pieces. 

So in my personal opinion, that you married the first guy who asked is a compliment to your integrity.

Yeah!

Not to mention, it's much more efficient. You dump or discourage the guys you don't *want* to have ask you, and it's a much better use of your energy.

Plus, it's really not fair to the guy you don't want, to let him get to the point where he's involved enough to ask.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 06, 2013, 08:51:51 PM
Well I think my mother meant that I was foolish to marry the first guy I ever had a relationship with.  Not so much that he was the first to propose, but that I should have had more relationships before settling down. 

But I wasn't about to let him go once I found him just to have more experience with relationships! I just was fortunate to find a guy that met my criteria first crack out of the gate, so to speak! LOL!

Ahh.  I see.  Yes, you were fortunate indeed to find your perfect guy on the very first try!  Most people don't have that kind of luck.   :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TootsNYC on September 06, 2013, 08:54:42 PM

But I wasn't about to let him go once I found him just to have more experience with relationships! I just was fortunate to find a guy that met my criteria first crack out of the gate, so to speak! LOL!


No you didn't! You met a bunch of other guys, and you didn't get really involved with them, because they didn't meet your criteria!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Pen^2 on September 07, 2013, 03:10:22 AM
Well I think my mother meant that I was foolish to marry the first guy I ever had a relationship with.  Not so much that he was the first to propose, but that I should have had more relationships before settling down. 

But I wasn't about to let him go once I found him just to have more experience with relationships! I just was fortunate to find a guy that met my criteria first crack out of the gate, so to speak! LOL!

Not my parents, but assorted relatives criticise me for the same thing. I didn't have a boyfriend at all until my very late teens because I am super boring and didn't want to bother with teen flings, so I waited while everyone else had 2-week relationships until I found someone I actually wanted to be in a relationship with rather than just play tonsil hockey. And now we're married :) But apparently because I haven't "played the field" we're doomed to divorce. Who would have thought it was that simple?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: MariaE on September 07, 2013, 03:24:35 AM
Well I think my mother meant that I was foolish to marry the first guy I ever had a relationship with.  Not so much that he was the first to propose, but that I should have had more relationships before settling down. 

But I wasn't about to let him go once I found him just to have more experience with relationships! I just was fortunate to find a guy that met my criteria first crack out of the gate, so to speak! LOL!

Not my parents, but assorted relatives criticise me for the same thing. I didn't have a boyfriend at all until my very late teens because I am super boring and didn't want to bother with teen flings, so I waited while everyone else had 2-week relationships until I found someone I actually wanted to be in a relationship with rather than just play tonsil hockey. And now we're married :) But apparently because I haven't "played the field" we're doomed to divorce. Who would have thought it was that simple?

My younger sister used to be told the same thing. She started dating her first boyfriend when she was 17 and he was 24 and got married 2 years later. I know 19 is early to get married, but honestly, my sister was the oldest 19-year-old I've ever met. She was more mature at 19 than I was at 25.

It's now 13 years and 3 kids later, so the comments have stopped, but the amount of people - even close friends - who told her "You're much too young to get married! The age difference is much too big! It'll never work!!!" was staggering! (Never our parents though... BIL was my close friend for a couple of years before they started going out, so they knew him well enough to know what a great person he is :) )
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 07, 2013, 06:22:58 AM
Well I think my mother meant that I was foolish to marry the first guy I ever had a relationship with.  Not so much that he was the first to propose, but that I should have had more relationships before settling down. 

But I wasn't about to let him go once I found him just to have more experience with relationships! I just was fortunate to find a guy that met my criteria first crack out of the gate, so to speak! LOL!

Not my parents, but assorted relatives criticise me for the same thing. I didn't have a boyfriend at all until my very late teens because I am super boring and didn't want to bother with teen flings, so I waited while everyone else had 2-week relationships until I found someone I actually wanted to be in a relationship with rather than just play tonsil hockey. And now we're married :) But apparently because I haven't "played the field" we're doomed to divorce. Who would have thought it was that simple?

I was like that too!  I was kind of picky due to being a hopeless romantic at the time and also shy so unless a guy asked me out (and only one really ever did and he was the dull one) I didn't have any dates.  I didn't really even date much till I was 19 and I got together with DH right before the end of my freshman year.  And we got married when we were 22. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Gyburc on September 07, 2013, 06:51:39 AM
My MIL gave DH this line as well: 'Just remember, you don't have to marry the first person you go out with!' This was was said to DH (then DBF) in my earshot a few times. Nothing like a warm welcome.  >:(

In fairness, I have to admit that MIL never says anything like this now, and we do get on pretty well (20 years later), but sadly I don't think we'll ever have a really close relationship.

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Mel the Redcap on September 07, 2013, 07:05:26 AM
Well I think my mother meant that I was foolish to marry the first guy I ever had a relationship with.  Not so much that he was the first to propose, but that I should have had more relationships before settling down. 

But I wasn't about to let him go once I found him just to have more experience with relationships! I just was fortunate to find a guy that met my criteria first crack out of the gate, so to speak! LOL!

Not my parents, but assorted relatives criticise me for the same thing. I didn't have a boyfriend at all until my very late teens because I am super boring and didn't want to bother with teen flings, so I waited while everyone else had 2-week relationships until I found someone I actually wanted to be in a relationship with rather than just play tonsil hockey. And now we're married :) But apparently because I haven't "played the field" we're doomed to divorce. Who would have thought it was that simple?

I was like that too!  I was kind of picky due to being a hopeless romantic at the time and also shy so unless a guy asked me out (and only one really ever did and he was the dull one) I didn't have any dates.  I didn't really even date much till I was 19 and I got together with DH right before the end of my freshman year.  And we got married when we were 22.

I dated one guy (briefly) in high school, realised he was a lot more serious than I was about it, and... well, I guess I friendzoned him. :P
After that, I happily puttered along without getting into a relationship (though I did have some prospects, heh) until I was 22. That lasted about 18 months, got fairly serious on both sides, fell apart (amicably).
Met the Good Ethnic Boy at 25, puttered along happily in a gradually deepening relationship for a long time, now married and EXTREMELY happy. ;D But I guess since I don't have wide-ranging experience gained by going out with every guy who asked me on a date everrrr, we're doomed. ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: weeblewobble on September 07, 2013, 09:11:05 AM
I started dating my husband when I was 14 and he was 16. Both of my grandmothers told my mom she was courting trouble letting me go out with a boy who was two years older. And the longer we dated, the more they insisted that we would break up any day now. ("Well, he graduated from HS and is heading to college, so it's over.... Well, she graduated from HS and is headed to college, so it's over... Well, he graduated from college and is heading out to the real world, so it's over... Well, she graduated from college and is heading out into the real world, so it's over...")

Seriously, it took seven years and engagement before they accepted that my dating him wasn't just an adolescent phase. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: weeblewobble on September 07, 2013, 09:17:22 AM
My father, on finding out I was pregnant (after 3 years of marriage) - "I'm not sure I want to be a grandfather but I guess it's ok."


My sister's MIL reacted much the same way. "I'm not old enough to be a grandmother, yet." Like my sister was supposed to hold the baby in for a few years until MIL was ready. BIL told her, "That's fine, you don't have to see the baby." and that shut her up pretty quickly.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Pen^2 on September 07, 2013, 09:56:36 AM
My father, on finding out I was pregnant (after 3 years of marriage) - "I'm not sure I want to be a grandfather but I guess it's ok."


My sister's MIL reacted much the same way. "I'm not old enough to be a grandmother, yet." Like my sister was supposed to hold the baby in for a few years until MIL was ready. BIL told her, "That's fine, you don't have to see the baby." and that shut her up pretty quickly.

I hereby nominate your BIL for the coveted "Most Awesome Brother In Law Ever" award. Please be sure to pass on my congratulations.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Tea Drinker on September 07, 2013, 12:32:33 PM
I suspect "you don't have to marry the first guy who asks you" is a hold-over reaction from things like Mrs. Bennett in Pride and Prejudice, who is astonished that her daughter doesn't want to marry Mr. Collins, and tries to convince them both that of course she does, she's just saying no because she's modest. (Mrs. Bennett had reasons for wanting that marriage, of course.) But that's "you don't have to marry someone who don't like or don't really know, just because he asked," which is worlds away from "you should turn down the first person who proposes to you, even if you love him and think it would be a good match."
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 07, 2013, 12:49:26 PM
My friend's mother was always a bit on the heavy side and perpetually on a diet.   When my friend proudly told her that she was engaged, Mother blurted "You can't get married YET!   I'm still fat and I'll look awful in the photographs!"    ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Bijou on September 07, 2013, 02:03:18 PM
My mother always thought I should not let my hair grow long.  I actually had cut it a few times just to please her, but I haven't cut it since 1964.  I guess she got used to it, eventually.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CrochetFanatic on September 07, 2013, 03:51:59 PM
This one is kind of stupid, but I live at home, and my mother will sometimes (okay, often) buy something while grocery shopping (lunch meat, salad, fruit, what-have-you), and then complain if it goes bad.  "I bought this stuff, you didn't even eat it, and now I have to throw it away."

Not to sound ungrateful, but I don't ask her to buy that stuff, and I'm not always in the mood to eat it.  When I can, I buy my own food, things that I would prefer to eat, and she'll click her tongue and say, "That's not very good for you."  Hey, I'm 31 years old.  I know.  I also know that I'm tired of feeling like a sitting duck.

I think she just likes to have an excuse to complain.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: faithlessone on September 07, 2013, 04:17:22 PM
This one is kind of stupid, but I live at home, and my mother will sometimes (okay, often) buy something while grocery shopping (lunch meat, salad, fruit, what-have-you), and then complain if it goes bad.  "I bought this stuff, you didn't even eat it, and now I have to throw it away."

Not to sound ungrateful, but I don't ask her to buy that stuff, and I'm not always in the mood to eat it.  When I can, I buy my own food, things that I would prefer to eat, and she'll click her tongue and say, "That's not very good for you."  Hey, I'm 31 years old.  I know.  I also know that I'm tired of feeling like a sitting duck.

I think she just likes to have an excuse to complain.

My mother does this. She will also buy things that she has been told I don't like, and get grumpy because "you never told me you didn't like it!" Almost invariably, they'll be things she doesn't particularly like either, so they will go to waste.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: rose red on September 07, 2013, 04:45:34 PM
This one is kind of stupid, but I live at home, and my mother will sometimes (okay, often) buy something while grocery shopping (lunch meat, salad, fruit, what-have-you), and then complain if it goes bad.  "I bought this stuff, you didn't even eat it, and now I have to throw it away."

Not to sound ungrateful, but I don't ask her to buy that stuff, and I'm not always in the mood to eat it.  When I can, I buy my own food, things that I would prefer to eat, and she'll click her tongue and say, "That's not very good for you."  Hey, I'm 31 years old.  I know.  I also know that I'm tired of feeling like a sitting duck.

I think she just likes to have an excuse to complain.

My mother does this. She will also buy things that she has been told I don't like, and get grumpy because "you never told me you didn't like it!" Almost invariably, they'll be things she doesn't particularly like either, so they will go to waste.

My mom does the same with fruit.  She buys a ton and complains I don't eat it all within a week, yet she eats none of it.  I tell her I don't like to eat a lot of fruit but she simply doesn't listen.  I no longer waste my breath.  And so the cycle keeps continuing.

"I can't talk!  There's too much fruit in the house!" - Marie Barone
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Snooks on September 07, 2013, 06:28:03 PM
My dad decides things in his head and nothing will change them, things he has decided include:
I have a second (full English breakfast) every day at work.
Once a week our canteen used to do a cooked breakfast of five items for £1.  When that was the case I used to get two sausages, beans, a fried egg and a hash brown.  They stopped doing that about six months after I started at my job, put the price up and I wasn't interested any more.  I was at that job for five years and he still maintained I had a full english breakfast every day.

All of my worldly belongings are still in his (and mum's) house.
I have left a pair of pjs and some spare underwear in a drawer in my old room in case I ever have to spend the night which happens maybe once a year other than xmas.  On the windowsill there is a jigsaw and money box which while technically mine are basically nostalgia for my mum and having them there keeps it as "my" room so they never got moved out.  There is a box of university work in the garage.  That's pretty much it.  Everything else moved out with me five years ago when I left home.

My brother left home six years ago and his bedroom still has all his books, CDs and general knicknacks on display as well as underneath the bed and the garage being chock full of his things.

I asked my dad if we could put some boxes in the garage while we had carpets fitted and was subjected to a lecture on how I better take them back and not just leave them there  ::)

He hasn't found the extra tiles I hid in the garage after we had our kitchen and bathroom renovated  ;)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Adelaide on September 07, 2013, 07:37:00 PM
My Mom has a bit of Snow White Syndrome going on. When I'm heavier she always tuts at me and says stuff about exercise and eating well. When I'm thinner than her she tells me not to overdo it and starts getting really interested in what EXACTLY I weigh.

My father didn't want me to go to law school this far away from home and wouldn't hear ANYTHING about how this is the only place for the type of law I want to study. He criticized everything from the weather to the cost of living to the idea of putting more miles on my car. Now that I'm here he doesn't say anything about it, but seriously for a few months I wanted to tear my hair out.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 07, 2013, 08:36:55 PM
My FIL frequents a discount grocery store. He will buy things that sit at his house for a few months, then they suddenly appear at our house. I know they are not ours as we would never purchase some of the types of things and I donate them to the food pantry if they are not expired and throw them away if they are expired. About every other month we are asked if we used whatever it was.

For the record, these are what we usually get: All off brand, and some don't have legible expiration dates either.

Split pea soup with ham
Alfredo sauce, separated with floating bits inside
Cans of Lima beans
Cans of sausage gravy
Cans of Chicken chili

We don't eat any of those!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Jocelyn on September 07, 2013, 08:39:23 PM
Quote
From my mother: Coloring your hair is lying to the world.

Using that logic, so is wearing false eyelashes, any type of hair piece, Spanx, and having capped teeth.

Padded bra?
My mother used to say that God had given you the right haircolor and it was sacrilegious to color your hair. However, God could apparently be mistaken about the curliness of same hair and the shape of our bodies, as ladies always wore 'foundation garments' and perms were definitely an option.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: AuntieA on September 07, 2013, 09:36:57 PM
Not a direct criticism, and from KidSis rather than a parent. She held back her son (born Dec. 1) from starting grade 1, even though he qualified by age. When I asked her about her decision, she countered with, "You started before you were six, and then you were a real genius and so you never had any friends. I don't want my kids to go through that." I pointed out to her that my IQ was not determined by what age I started school, and my social isolation in school was not due to my IQ/grades, but because I was a loner, an introvert, and a geek ( and quite happy with my status).

I asked her not to hold her kids back from excelling based on my life - it would be so unfair to them if she did.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 07, 2013, 10:27:10 PM
My mother had a real issue with the timing of when I started a family. She talked about it as though I was an unwed teenage mother with no knowledge of who the child's father was, rather than a 22 year old woman who'd been married for a year already.

I pointed out a few times "I'm only two years younger than you were when I was born" and got "Well times were different, then!" My dad was still in grad school when I was born so I suspect I was a surprise when I came along and they'd meant to wait longer to start having kids, or at least till he graduated. 

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: AylaM on September 07, 2013, 10:32:09 PM
My mother decided I was a rather devious and underhanded person.  She tells people that as a kid I would drink my sister's sodas knowing that when hers ran out I could drink mine because she hated root beer.  Not even close to true, but she still tells people that.

She'd go to the grocery store and pick up a 6 pack of cream soda and a 6 pack of root beer. She'd get the cream soda because my sister liked it, and root beer because I'd drink it.   I think she thought it was my favorite drink ever, and maybe it once was.  But by the time we were old enough that she started buying sodas just for us, root beer was merely tolerable if there were no other sodas.   I'd come home and see cream soda in the fridge and I'd drink it, because cream soda was just so much better that root beer.



Mom also used to get mad if someone ate the last of a snack.  Looking back at it now, it was probably more of a "I just bought this box of twinkies three days ago, and they are all gone! They were supposed to last longer!".  But as a kid we just learned that after the last snack was gone mom would get mad.   So we learned that you NEVER eat the last snack.

A few years ago mom went through the cupboards and looked in the snack boxes and threw a fit because she hated it when she'd buy a pack of eight twinkies and we'd only eat seven.  And why don't we ever finish anything?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: kherbert05 on September 07, 2013, 10:42:27 PM
I know my Mom worried about me not having many friends like my more social cousin and Sister - but in part she blamed herself and Dad for not picking up  on the bullying and doing something earlier. I simply don't trust many people.

All the adults in my life were frustrated by the fact I could correctly read words, and use them in conversation but couldn't spell to save my life. I was even tested in elementary and JH - but my reading level was too high for me to have any LD having to do with language according to the criteria being used. (Actually If I was in school today I wouldn't qualify as LD in Texas. Neither would my sister or our dyslexic cousins. WE could be 504ed but not receive SPED interventions)

One comment that makes me want to take a clue by 4 to my sister and cousins "I hope "child" gets his/her smarts from his/her  father not me." Now my cousins' husbands and my BIL are smart guys don't get me wrong. Thing is Sis and cousins graduated in the top half of their competitive High Schools, went to good universities (where we all were diagnosed) and graduated with decent grades - while they were all reading on a FOURTH - FIFTH grade level. They don't get the massive intelligence and coping skills behind accomplishing that. For them not reading for pleasure = not smart.

Considering how much reading one does for any subject, how on earth is it possible to graduate college with that reading level?
That is what they both tested at according to the specialists at their universities. Now cousin tends to choke on tests - but Sis regularly scored in the 90th percentile or higher on things like ITBS, COGAT, and TABS. That is kind of my point - they are off the charts smart - just don't process text like the rest of you. They got a lot out of lectures, worked with study groups, Sis kind of scans for information rather than reading whole texts. Reading for pleasure is not something either of them do. Many Reading level tests focus on fiction because it is easier. I know both of them would score low on comprehension - because they wouldn't remember things like character names. Even with movies or tv shows it is that guy or the girl not character names. Something we take points off for in 2nd grade DRA.

When I was in school I caused  a problem in school we were taking either the ITBS or COGAT. During recess I told an upset classmate just mark the darker answer. The teacher heard. She double checked my booklet to see if there was a printing error. There wasn't - I still swore up and down the right answers were darker.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: StarFaerie on September 07, 2013, 11:37:01 PM
I know my Mom worried about me not having many friends like my more social cousin and Sister - but in part she blamed herself and Dad for not picking up  on the bullying and doing something earlier. I simply don't trust many people.

All the adults in my life were frustrated by the fact I could correctly read words, and use them in conversation but couldn't spell to save my life. I was even tested in elementary and JH - but my reading level was too high for me to have any LD having to do with language according to the criteria being used. (Actually If I was in school today I wouldn't qualify as LD in Texas. Neither would my sister or our dyslexic cousins. WE could be 504ed but not receive SPED interventions)

One comment that makes me want to take a clue by 4 to my sister and cousins "I hope "child" gets his/her smarts from his/her  father not me." Now my cousins' husbands and my BIL are smart guys don't get me wrong. Thing is Sis and cousins graduated in the top half of their competitive High Schools, went to good universities (where we all were diagnosed) and graduated with decent grades - while they were all reading on a FOURTH - FIFTH grade level. They don't get the massive intelligence and coping skills behind accomplishing that. For them not reading for pleasure = not smart.

Considering how much reading one does for any subject, how on earth is it possible to graduate college with that reading level?
That is what they both tested at according to the specialists at their universities. Now cousin tends to choke on tests - but Sis regularly scored in the 90th percentile or higher on things like ITBS, COGAT, and TABS. That is kind of my point - they are off the charts smart - just don't process text like the rest of you. They got a lot out of lectures, worked with study groups, Sis kind of scans for information rather than reading whole texts. Reading for pleasure is not something either of them do. Many Reading level tests focus on fiction because it is easier. I know both of them would score low on comprehension - because they wouldn't remember things like character names. Even with movies or tv shows it is that guy or the girl not character names. Something we take points off for in 2nd grade DRA.

When I was in school I caused  a problem in school we were taking either the ITBS or COGAT. During recess I told an upset classmate just mark the darker answer. The teacher heard. She double checked my booklet to see if there was a printing error. There wasn't - I still swore up and down the right answers were darker.

That sounds like a form of synethesia. I read about a girl once who is an absolute maths genius who sees the right answer as a colour. She knows when she has it right because the number or equation is a particular colour and so it must be right.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: lady_disdain on September 08, 2013, 03:38:33 PM
My sister is like that but with words. She can tell a word is spelled correctly because it looks the right colour, blending each letter into the next (each letter has a colour). A wrong letter will be a jarring, different colour.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Moralia on September 08, 2013, 09:07:48 PM
Not a criticism but something they wouldn't let die:

When I was a teenager, a friend of mine was visiting and her creepy jealous boyfriend was calling to check up on her, again.
I answered the phone and (with, I admit, ill-placed humor) said, "Oh, hi Ted, yeah Sandy's here...we picked up a bunch of Norwegian sailors on the way over and we're having quite the party! Sandy, get off Gunter's lap! Ted's on the phone!" He a actually got mad at her over it.  (Extra weird, we're waaaaaaaay inland and totally not the sort of gals who'd pick up random men of any sort.)

But that's not the thing.  Apparently, based on that joke, my entire family decided that *I* was obsessed with sailors.  ???  They would not shut up about this imaginary preference. I couldn't even enjoy the old musicals I love if there were "sailor" characters without their weird comments.  It was very tiresome and soooo annoying.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on September 09, 2013, 09:13:54 AM
This is minor but it annoys nonetheless.

MIL is greatly concerned about our vacations.  She has been really pushing for us to go on Elderhostel tours, going so far as to have catalogs sent to us.   She's slightly mollified if we spend a few days in Rome, London or Barcelona before a transatlantic cruise.  After all, these cities have educational value.

However, a visit to the Caribbean is a total waste of time and money. 

She's also rather disapproving about our reading habits.  Heaven forfend that Mr. Thipu bring a sci-fi book when we come to visit.  I like true crime books and mysteries.  These are also frowned upon. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cami on September 09, 2013, 09:37:50 AM
This is minor but it annoys nonetheless.

MIL is greatly concerned about our vacations.  She has been really pushing for us to go on Elderhostel tours, going so far as to have catalogs sent to us.   She's slightly mollified if we spend a few days in Rome, London or Barcelona before a transatlantic cruise.  After all, these cities have educational value.

However, a visit to the Caribbean is a total waste of time and money. 

She's also rather disapproving about our reading habits.  Heaven forfend that Mr. Thipu bring a sci-fi book when we come to visit.  I like true crime books and mysteries.  These are also frowned upon.
In contrast, my MIL criticized us for buying our niece (her granddaughter) books for her birthday. "Yoo, hoo! Did you forget they invented television? There's no need for kids to read books any more!"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: suzieQ on September 09, 2013, 09:44:12 AM

In contrast, my MIL criticized us for buying our niece (her granddaughter) books for her birthday. "Yoo, hoo! Did you forget they invented television? There's no need for kids to read books any more!"

We need a jawdrop smiley. There are no words.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cami on September 09, 2013, 09:48:02 AM

In contrast, my MIL criticized us for buying our niece (her granddaughter) books for her birthday. "Yoo, hoo! Did you forget they invented television? There's no need for kids to read books any more!"

We need a jawdrop smiley. There are no words.
Seriously, I could write a book about my MIL. The only problem is that people would probably insist it was fiction.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 09, 2013, 09:58:06 AM
Speaking of kids and reading, a few years ago my SIL saw that my daughter was reading a Goosebumps book.  She commented on it, and MIL said loudly "Yes, and I don't approve at all."  I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying "And this is your business ... how, exactly?"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Pen^2 on September 09, 2013, 11:04:26 AM
In contrast, my MIL criticized us for buying our niece (her granddaughter) books for her birthday. "Yoo, hoo! Did you forget they invented television? There's no need for kids to read books any more!"

Wow. "What an interesting assumption," is normally too patronising for my tastes, but I think here that would be perfect. Or, maybe a better response would be, "What a completely bonkers assumption."

This isn't quite as bad, but I've had a surprisingly large number of parents criticise me for teaching their children how to read analogue clocks. "Everything is digital these days," they'd say, in the classroom with an analogue clock in it, to the teacher wearing an analogue watch, less than a kilometre to the largest clock in the country, which is also analogue. Traditionally, schools here also always have an analogue clock predominantly placed outside the building. But, you know, apart from that, there aren't any analogue clocks, so shame on me. It doesn't even take up class time--it's when the parents are late in picking the kids up that I use it, among other things, to engage them so they don't run wild.

(Edited because apparently I don't know the difference between "parents" and "teachers"  :-[)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 09, 2013, 11:37:22 AM

...    I've had a surprisingly large number of teachers criticise me for teaching their children how to read analogue clocks. "Everything is digital these days," ...

That's really interesting.  I've heard the story (multiple times) the other way around.  In the state where I live and taught, second graders were expected to learn to tell time with clocks that had hands.  Many parents say "But why do they need to learn that?  Everything is digital today and it's so much easier that way."
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cami on September 09, 2013, 11:47:28 AM
Since we're on the subject of my MIL, here's one related to the story about the books.

We told her our short list of names for our then as yet unborn child. As it happens, all of the names had 3 syllables.  Her response:

"WHY would you give your kids such long names? You don't know if your kid is going to be smart enough to spell a long name. He or she might be a dope, so you should give them a short name."

My dh just gapes at her and says, "So is that why my name and my siblings names are only one syllable?"

MIL: "Yes! I was afraid you'd all be dopes and unable to spell your name, so I gave you all names of one syllable because I figured no matter how stupid you might be, at least you'd be able to spell your name."

Me: "Well, maybe if you believed in giving kids books to read and reading to them, they might have a better chance  at spelling words with more than one syllable."
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Pen^2 on September 09, 2013, 11:51:52 AM

...    I've had a surprisingly large number of teachers criticise me for teaching their children how to read analogue clocks. "Everything is digital these days," ...

That's really interesting.  I've heard the story (multiple times) the other way around.  In the state where I live and taught, second graders were expected to learn to tell time with clocks that had hands.  Many parents say "But why do they need to learn that?  Everything is digital today and it's so much easier that way."

Sorry, that was a bad typo on my part  :-[ I meant to say, many parents criticise me. Sorry for the confusion!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: *new*mommyagain36 on September 09, 2013, 12:29:58 PM
My rule that my kids eat at least 2 bites of everything on their plate (meal) before they can have dessert.  "Oh, that's not fair!  If they're not hungry it's ok" says Mom as she hands them cookies or what not.  Right.  As Mom we kids had to make the clean-plate club to get dessert but as a Nana she has very few rules.  And for pete's sake, I don't think 2 bites of each thing is such a big darn deal.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 09, 2013, 12:38:23 PM
My mother just had a real thing about me keeping my kids on a bedtime schedule when they were little.  I was flexible around holidays but only by about an hour because well, I know how they are when they get overtired.  My oldest especially got really cranky the next day if he didn't sleep long enough.

From the time they were a few months old till they were old enough for Kindergarten, I'd put them down around 8-8:30 and it worked out really well.  And I tried to get them down for naps around the same time too.  It worked well for them and for me and still does with my youngest one. Because we keep a standard bedtime and a routine, I don't have to fight at all with him when it's naptime or bedtime.   No crying or anything cause he knows it's coming. 

But my mother just thought I was being to restrictive or something.  ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Midnight Kitty on September 09, 2013, 02:39:51 PM
Seriously, I could write a book about my MIL. The only problem is that people would probably insist it was fiction.
I recently heard this quip: The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense. >:D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Layla Miller on September 09, 2013, 02:50:22 PM
Seriously, I could write a book about my MIL. The only problem is that people would probably insist it was fiction.
I recently heard this quip: The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense. >:D

"If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction."

--Twelfth Night

 ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lynn2000 on September 09, 2013, 04:25:19 PM
Since we're on the subject of my MIL, here's one related to the story about the books.

We told her our short list of names for our then as yet unborn child. As it happens, all of the names had 3 syllables.  Her response:

"WHY would you give your kids such long names? You don't know if your kid is going to be smart enough to spell a long name. He or she might be a dope, so you should give them a short name."

My dh just gapes at her and says, "So is that why my name and my siblings names are only one syllable?"

MIL: "Yes! I was afraid you'd all be dopes and unable to spell your name, so I gave you all names of one syllable because I figured no matter how stupid you might be, at least you'd be able to spell your name."

Me: "Well, maybe if you believed in giving kids books to read and reading to them, they might have a better chance  at spelling words with more than one syllable."

This is horrible, but really funny. At least she follows through on her convictions, right?  ::)

One thing I've noticed in this thread is how we often take pains to assert that we are NOT doing what our parents criticize us for! :) As if it would be okay for them to criticize if we WERE actually in the wrong, because as adults our weight/spending habits/career choice is TOTALLY still their business. What is it about parents that bring out the defensive in us...

My friend's MIL was pretty critical of her at first. The very first time she met my friend in person, she says, "So how long have you been living off my son's money?"  :o See, that's not a cool thing to say, even if it was true. I guess maybe what makes it ridiculous is how very untrue it was--that the son did not by any means have enough money to support a second person. And it was extra-cruel because at the time, my friend was out of work and feeling very depressed about it--which is what prompted his mother to make her remark. In actuality my friend and her BF were living in HER house, and she was paying her expenses from her savings. So while she would much rather have had a job with money coming in, she was by no means destitute or reduced to sponging off someone else. And you know what, even if she HAD been living off his money, they are both competent adults and that is their own decision to make.  ::) She is much more forgiving of her MIL than I would have been...
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 09, 2013, 04:27:47 PM
When The Sweetie and I were living together but not engaged, we flew out to visit her parents. Her father has a bum knee, so he and I were lagging behind while she and her mom were ahead.

She later told me the first thing her mom said about me was "She's a lot older than I expected!"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Pen^2 on September 09, 2013, 04:49:49 PM
My DH has had quite a few nasty criticisms from my parents. His mother, on the other hand, is a much nicer person, but is socially quite clueless. The most egregious criticism she's made of me (and DH) was very uncomfortable.

She's a very intelligent gynecologist who is very efficient and good at her job, but in her normal life she has absolutely no social skills or awareness. She often means well, but comes across as tactless or rude. After DH and I been going out for a year or two, she apparently heard (incorrectly, it turned out) somewhere that people nowadays always use Unreliable Contraceptive Method (UCM), and so she assumed that I must therefore prefer to use UCM also. So, always efficiently to the point, she brought this up the next time she saw me: over dinner. When we had intercourse, she began, we were wrong to use UCM because of the many medical reasons which she explained very factually and in great detail. DH and I were so gobsmacked that we sat in stunned silence for a very unpleasant minute while she went through the biological mechanics of the whole thing before one of us managed to speak up.

I know she did this because she was concerned for us and didn't realise it was inappropriate (seriously, she has no clue), but having my mother in law question me about intercourse and various aspects in tremendous detail was the most uncomfortable I've ever been.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Elisabunny on September 09, 2013, 04:54:57 PM
Not a criticism but something they wouldn't let die:

When I was a teenager, a friend of mine was visiting and her creepy jealous boyfriend was calling to check up on her, again.
I answered the phone and (with, I admit, ill-placed humor) said, "Oh, hi Ted, yeah Sandy's here...we picked up a bunch of Norwegian sailors on the way over and we're having quite the party! Sandy, get off Gunter's lap! Ted's on the phone!" He a actually got mad at her over it.  (Extra weird, we're waaaaaaaay inland and totally not the sort of gals who'd pick up random men of any sort.)

But that's not the thing.  Apparently, based on that joke, my entire family decided that *I* was obsessed with sailors.  ???  They would not shut up about this imaginary preference. I couldn't even enjoy the old musicals I love if there were "sailor" characters without their weird comments.  It was very tiresome and soooo annoying.

Are we related?  I used to go out to the garage when my dad was fixing the car, because I was curious.  Based on this, my mother decided to joke that I wanted to be an auto mechanic when I grew up.  Not that there's anything wrong with that profession, but it wasn't what I wanted for a career.  She would. Not. Drop it.  I stopped hanging out in the garage :'( , but she still wouldn't stop. 

She did that a lot, actually- harping on something waaaaay past the point of it being funny.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Midnight Kitty on September 09, 2013, 07:14:30 PM
Not a criticism but something they wouldn't let die:

When I was a teenager, a friend of mine was visiting and her creepy jealous boyfriend was calling to check up on her, again.
I answered the phone and (with, I admit, ill-placed humor) said, "Oh, hi Ted, yeah Sandy's here...we picked up a bunch of Norwegian sailors on the way over and we're having quite the party! Sandy, get off Gunter's lap! Ted's on the phone!" He a actually got mad at her over it.  (Extra weird, we're waaaaaaaay inland and totally not the sort of gals who'd pick up random men of any sort.)

But that's not the thing.  Apparently, based on that joke, my entire family decided that *I* was obsessed with sailors.  ???  They would not shut up about this imaginary preference. I couldn't even enjoy the old musicals I love if there were "sailor" characters without their weird comments.  It was very tiresome and soooo annoying.

Are we related?  I used to go out to the garage when my dad was fixing the car, because I was curious.  Based on this, my mother decided to joke that I wanted to be an auto mechanic when I grew up.  Not that there's anything wrong with that profession, but it wasn't what I wanted for a career.  She would. Not. Drop it.  I stopped hanging out in the garage :'( , but she still wouldn't stop. 

She did that a lot, actually- harping on something waaaaay past the point of it being funny.
When we were young and had a family game night, my brother the punster and specialist in twisted jokes quipped, "Incest - the game the whole family can play."  OK, it was a lame but funny joke once.  Only once.  And it was my brother who thought of this.  For the last 20 years my father has been telling everyone that I am the one who said this. :-[
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Asharah on September 11, 2013, 02:55:30 PM

In contrast, my MIL criticized us for buying our niece (her granddaughter) books for her birthday. "Yoo, hoo! Did you forget they invented television? There's no need for kids to read books any more!"

We need a jawdrop smiley. There are no words.
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_s4qzGvoiWCk/Sm05NVl9mnI/AAAAAAAAAkA/qonczpnxr1A/s400/Jaw+dropping.bmp)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on September 11, 2013, 04:13:01 PM
Seriously, I could write a book about my MIL. The only problem is that people would probably insist it was fiction.
I recently heard this quip: The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense. >:D

"If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction."

--Twelfth Night

 ;D

Off topic, but I love that play! I was named after one of the characters.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mrs_deb on September 11, 2013, 10:11:44 PM

Off topic, but I love that play! I was named after one of the characters.

Hmm...you don't look like a Malvolio.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on September 11, 2013, 10:38:58 PM

Off topic, but I love that play! I was named after one of the characters.

Hmm...you don't look like a Malvolio.

 ;)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lynn2000 on September 12, 2013, 09:28:06 AM
I was thinking about this thread today. My dad was an English teacher, and in his case this meant he was also the grammar, spelling, and handwriting police throughout my childhood. Picture me, six years old, bringing him my kindergarten homework, and he responds by getting out his red pen and closing the loop of my printed lower-case A because two millimeters were left open.  ::) This continued all through junior high and even some into high school.

I was thinking about the consequences of this, now that I'm 30+. First of all, I have very good handwriting. I tend to write a lot by hand, so I get a lot of practice at it also; but I've had total strangers lean over my shoulder at a conference and compliment my handwriting as I'm scribbling notes on my lap. Secondly, I'm known for having an above-average grasp of grammar and attention to grammatical detail (as soon as I type this I will make a typo somewhere...), such that people are always asking me to proofread things for them at work. So those could be considered two positive things that almost certainly resulted from my dad's strict requirements for handwriting, grammar, and spelling from the moment I could write.

On the other hand... I'm a prolific fiction writer. Mostly I don't let other people read my stories--they're just for me, for my own enjoyment. Also, I don't like criticism of my stories, and it seems silly to let other people read them while also saying, "You can't say anything bad!" One person I can say that to is my mom, and she reads a lot of my stories. She says she really enjoys them, compliments them, gobbles them up as fast as I can send them to her. That makes me feel really good, that I make something she enjoys. And, although they're certainly not intensely personal, baring my soul type of stories, I do feel like she has gotten to know me better, on a different level, since she can read them and see what sort of things I think about.

My dad doesn't get to read my stories. He's never asked, but he knows I let my mom (married, same household) read them, and sometimes she and I end up discussing them in front of him. (I try not to, but sometimes it happens.) Occasionally I've thought of letting him read them. But I know he would criticize them. I know he would get out his red pen and add in/cross out commas, circle typos, mark my sentences he thought were too long. (The stories would almost certainly be typed at this point, so at least he wouldn't be able to "fix" my handwriting!) I know that this would be his way of showing that he was engaged with my stories, that he was paying attention to them. But it would upset me. Even if he said, "This was very good," all I would see are the red marks he felt compelled to put on it.

So my dad is not going to get to read my stories. That's the consequence of him criticizing things I brought to him as a child. I'm not thinking this vindictively; it actually makes me a little sad. But to me it's like--bed, made, lie. Maybe he doesn't even realize what he's missing, or why he's missing it, or maybe he wouldn't be interested anyway. But looking back, I think--was it worth it? I can't share this thing I really enjoy with him, that maybe he would enjoy too, I can't let him get to know me on that deeper level in this way. Was that worth it, to ensure that I could form a lower-case A properly?  :-\ All I know is, if I ever had kids, this would be constantly present in my mind, and I would try to do things differently.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 12, 2013, 09:44:33 AM
...   So my dad is not going to get to read my stories. That's the consequence of him criticizing things I brought to him as a child. I'm not thinking this vindictively; it actually makes me a little sad. But to me it's like--bed, made, lie. Maybe he doesn't even realize what he's missing, or why he's missing it, or maybe he wouldn't be interested anyway. But looking back, I think--was it worth it? I can't share this thing I really enjoy with him, that maybe he would enjoy too, I can't let him get to know me on that deeper level in this way. Was that worth it, to ensure that I could form a lower-case A properly?  :-\ All I know is, if I ever had kids, this would be constantly present in my mind, and I would try to do things differently.

You know, I suspect he does know what he's missing and has no idea why you allow/encourage your mother to read your stories but not him.  Have you ever told him outright how you feel about his red-marking everything you ever did in your life?  He might be totally and completely shocked to learn the effect it had on you emotionally. 

Perhaps someday you might allow him to read one with the absolute caveat that under no circumstances in any way, shape or form is there going to be one single red mark (or even its verbal equivalent) on those pages.  Maybe if you gave him a chance, he might surprise you even though it would be a hard habit for him to break. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Moralia on September 12, 2013, 09:51:28 AM
Not a criticism but something they wouldn't let die:

When I was a teenager, a friend of mine was visiting and her creepy jealous boyfriend was calling to check up on her, again.
I answered the phone and (with, I admit, ill-placed humor) said, "Oh, hi Ted, yeah Sandy's here...we picked up a bunch of Norwegian sailors on the way over and we're having quite the party! Sandy, get off Gunter's lap! Ted's on the phone!" He a actually got mad at her over it.  (Extra weird, we're waaaaaaaay inland and totally not the sort of gals who'd pick up random men of any sort.)

But that's not the thing.  Apparently, based on that joke, my entire family decided that *I* was obsessed with sailors.  ???  They would not shut up about this imaginary preference. I couldn't even enjoy the old musicals I love if there were "sailor" characters without their weird comments.  It was very tiresome and soooo annoying.

Are we related?  I used to go out to the garage when my dad was fixing the car, because I was curious.  Based on this, my mother decided to joke that I wanted to be an auto mechanic when I grew up.  Not that there's anything wrong with that profession, but it wasn't what I wanted for a career.  She would. Not. Drop it.  I stopped hanging out in the garage :'( , but she still wouldn't stop. 

She did that a lot, actually- harping on something waaaaay past the point of it being funny.
When we were young and had a family game night, my brother the punster and specialist in twisted jokes quipped, "Incest - the game the whole family can play."  OK, it was a lame but funny joke once.  Only once.  And it was my brother who thought of this.  For the last 20 years my father has been telling everyone that I am the one who said this. :-[

Oh yes, in addition to never dropping things I did do or say (and blowing them out of proportion), my folks attribute stuff my sibs or cousins did to me...and won't let it drop.
Ugh!
I am NOT the one that broke Precious Tchotchke when I was 5, that was brother.  Yes, I see similar Tchotchke in the antique store.  No, I have no intention of buying it to replace the one "I broke".
Ironically, I probably would have bought one for her years ago if they hadn't kept reminding me about it all the time.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Pen^2 on September 12, 2013, 09:56:16 AM
Lynn2000, that doesn't sound like a fun way to develop beautiful handwriting and grammar at all. I mean, at least you got something out of it, but still. There's criticising to help a kid improve and then there's just constant error-finding. In your father's case, it might have been a natural thing to do after teaching for years, and he might not have meant anything by it, but insisting that a little 6-year-old get everything perfect instead of complimenting what was right and correcting the not-quite-closed a's every so often so it didn't become a negative thing is a bit sad IMO.

My husband's father was like this. The first time he met his dad, he was 4. He held up a lego thing he'd made and said something like, "Look, it's a car!" and his father said, "That's a hopeless car. It doesn't even have wheels. Your cousin is much better." This was literally the first thing his father ever said to him. Their next few interactions were much the same. When he got much older, DH found out that his father honestly thought that holding him to an adult standard and telling him he was hopeless if it wasn't met would motivate him to work harder, but actually all it did was teach DH not to ever do anything around his father because it would end up with a painful criticism. So yeah, not worth it. His father wonders now why DH doesn't ring him and chat randomly about things.

Most of my siblings are compulsive liars. Not lies that always benefit them somehow, either. They'll lie about the temperature by 1 degree just for the heck of it. I strongly despise liars as a result, and tend to speak in a more logical, Vulcan way with lots of caveats and so on so that the content is rigorously true. (I'm better online because I can go back over what I've typed and make it sound more normal, but in real life I'm a bit too formal and too careful in how I speak.) But, as parents forget which child did what sometimes, I was called a liar many, many times, and now it is one of the most stinging insults I can hear. I now have a compulsion where if I'm talking and I make a statement to someone about anything, I'll immediately try to back it up with an example or easy way to check the facts of it to prove that it's true. It'll be natural-sounding, and I only realise that I even do it about a year ago.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lynn2000 on September 12, 2013, 10:02:32 AM
...   So my dad is not going to get to read my stories. That's the consequence of him criticizing things I brought to him as a child. I'm not thinking this vindictively; it actually makes me a little sad. But to me it's like--bed, made, lie. Maybe he doesn't even realize what he's missing, or why he's missing it, or maybe he wouldn't be interested anyway. But looking back, I think--was it worth it? I can't share this thing I really enjoy with him, that maybe he would enjoy too, I can't let him get to know me on that deeper level in this way. Was that worth it, to ensure that I could form a lower-case A properly?  :-\ All I know is, if I ever had kids, this would be constantly present in my mind, and I would try to do things differently.

You know, I suspect he does know what he's missing and has no idea why you allow/encourage your mother to read your stories but not him.  Have you ever told him outright how you feel about his red-marking everything you ever did in your life?  He might be totally and completely shocked to learn the effect it had on you emotionally. 

Perhaps someday you might allow him to read one with the absolute caveat that under no circumstances in any way, shape or form is there going to be one single red mark (or even its verbal equivalent) on those pages.  Maybe if you gave him a chance, he might surprise you even though it would be a hard habit for him to break.

Thank you for suggesting that, I have thought about it, but I haven't as yet been able to make myself try it, and I waffle back and forth as to whether I even should. Just judging from some other conversations we've had about unrelated things, he's not really the type to apologize or admit he was wrong or even say, "Oh, I didn't realize you took it that way, that wasn't what I meant."  :-\ Maybe I got my dislike of criticism from him! So I don't know--the conversation never seems to go well in my mind. Although if he ever asked me about it I would probably just blurt out something.  ::)

Compared to a lot of the criticisms in this thread it's not so bad, but I think it's kind of insidious--our relationship is good enough that we see each other several times a week, but there's still these things blocking us.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 12, 2013, 10:12:10 AM
snip

Most of my siblings are compulsive liars. Not lies that always benefit them somehow, either. They'll lie about the temperature by 1 degree just for the heck of it. I strongly despise liars as a result, and tend to speak in a more logical, Vulcan way with lots of caveats and so on so that the content is rigorously true. (I'm better online because I can go back over what I've typed and make it sound more normal, but in real life I'm a bit too formal and too careful in how I speak.) But, as parents forget which child did what sometimes, I was called a liar many, many times, and now it is one of the most stinging insults I can hear. I now have a compulsion where if I'm talking and I make a statement to someone about anything, I'll immediately try to back it up with an example or easy way to check the facts of it to prove that it's true. It'll be natural-sounding, and I only realise that I even do it about a year ago.

My parents lied to me as a child and continue to lie about things all the time. One can never get a straight answer out of them. It takes months of cajoling and pleading to get them to commit to anything. Thus, I will never travel with them, trust them, make plans for anything with them again. My younger sister and I are planning their 50th anniversary and much of the planning will be done without their approval or knowledge. One year out, notice of the date and time, then six months out the menu and other miscellany. My dad's favorite thing to do is for other people (his family) to make plans including my parents then to back out when it is too late to cancel without financial and schedule impact.

My youngest sister is just like my parents, and they constantly complain about her devious nature. Pot, meet kettle.

I much prefer blunt truth to soft lies.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 12, 2013, 10:23:23 AM
My late mother rewrote history to make me sound like an ungrateful female dog.  She blamed me for my (long-deceased) brother's failure in school by saying that I kept refusing to help him with his homework.

She never told me to back in the day nor do I think she would have expected me to have done it for him although I could have done it in my sleep.

I mentioned previously that she criticized everything I was ever interested in that she wasn't, saying that it meant that there was something wrong with me.  The final straw came when she once claimed to have taken me to a kiddie shrink who told her that I "should be locked up."  I asked her pointedly "When did that happen?  I don't remember hearing that."

Dead silence followed and she never mentioned this again.  It was a total fabrication.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Pen^2 on September 12, 2013, 11:04:06 AM
My late mother rewrote history to make me sound like an ungrateful female dog.  She blamed me for my (long-deceased) brother's failure in school by saying that I kept refusing to help him with his homework.

She never told me to back in the day nor do I think she would have expected me to have done it for him although I could have done it in my sleep.

I mentioned previously that she criticized everything I was ever interested in that she wasn't, saying that it meant that there was something wrong with me.  The final straw came when she once claimed to have taken me to a kiddie shrink who told her that I "should be locked up."  I asked her pointedly "When did that happen?  I don't remember hearing that."

Dead silence followed and she never mentioned this again.  It was a total fabrication.

That is absolutely horrible.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on September 12, 2013, 11:05:30 AM
My mom isn't overly critical, mostly she's full of "helpful suggestions", her favorite line is "Well, I'm not telling you what to do, but if it were me I'd do it XYZ, just a suggestion", I used to treat suggestions as "do this", because when I was a kid that's what it meant "Just suggestion, you should clean your room" meant, clean your room. But now I'm adult. And "just a suggestion" is just that, a suggestion. I consider it, she's a smart lady who is honestly looking out for my best interest, so ya know her suggestion might be a good one. Or it might not be. It's just a suggestion.

However the rest of my family. Oh the stories. When I was in high school I had grown out my hair pretty long (just above my lower back) and I loved it, but it was a lot of maintenance. So after I graduated I decided I need a change. So I cut it all off and donated it to Locks of Love, and wore it in a cute little bob. Loved the bob. Easy to manage and it made me look a little older. But my family was used to my long hair. One day I we were getting lunch with my mom, my grandma, and my mom's first cousin (my grandma's niece). Cousin looks at me and goes "You cut your hair", I nod and smile and she says "Shouldn't have done that, boy's don't like girls with short hair, you'll never land a boyfriend now", I smile and very sweetly say "It's a good thing I like girls then, pass the bread please". They "you'll never land a boyfriend" line had been a favorite of her's for years. Her daughter was (and still is)...well boy crazy. This girl hasn't been single for more then 5 minutes since she turned 12. I was never interested much in dating until I was a bit older. I was focused on school and hanging with friends, I didn't get the point of dating at 13 or 14. Cousin would compete with my mom over how all the boys wanted her daughter and I was getting no attention for guys (technically not true, I just didn't want it...I'm gay, I wanted attention from girls), and how I'd never land a husband. She was right of course. Never am gonna get that husband. Got a great soon to be wife though...but alas no husband!! Woe as me.

My grandma was on the "why are you always reading" bandwagon. Which is odd, because she was always giving me books, and taking me to the library. And then...why are you always reading? Well..cause..you got me the book...

One thing my mom still can't let go of. I'm not a corporate woman. I don't own a closet of pantsuits and fight for the corner office. The idea of working in corporate america makes me itch. I'm successful in my chose career field, I'm well educated, and I'm happy. And she likes that. She just wants to know why I can't be happy while I try to break the glass ceiling. I think for her that's what she saw as "powerful women" in the late 80s/early 90s. Women who wore suits and fought for their place in a man's world. And ya know what, go them! If you want that corner office, get it girl! But...I'd hate it. It just doesn't work for me. She still can't quiet grasp that idea.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Otterpop on September 12, 2013, 11:11:07 AM
Gosh I'm getting mad reading this thread...I'll have to post one myself to release the anger.  >:D

My aunt speaks highly about her friends and their children.  These people can do no wrong as they buy themselves vacation homes, designer purses, keep horses and have their kids in expensive schools.  To her, they are living their lives properly and the kids are golden children.  I have no issue with this except she forgets she also tells me friends are always complaining about being broke and their kids are often caught doing bratty things.  Yet, it is MY kids who are spoiled, ungrateful, etc.  (They drive 10+ year old cars and we've not been on vacation since '08, neither have ever been in trouble at school or with the law).

We also live below our means to invest in rental property when opportunity arises.  We've finally made it profitable enough to be considered income and part time work for me.  Aunt does not understand our business at all.  After our last acquisition she blasted me for "blowing my daughter's college money by buying extra houses we don't need"  (Ummm...other people live in them and pay us  ::)  Plus, the houses have gained enough equity to pay college in full, if needed - cash)  But, she bad-mouthed me to our family saying it was up to HER to save so my DD can go to school.

For the record I've NEVER asked her for money for ANYTHING and have never gotten a dime of support from anyone after becoming an adult.  We've accepted modest gifts for Christmas and birthdays and that's IT.

I think she resents that we don't need her, and as a result, I've stopped talking to her about anything more serious than the weather.  Her loss.

(BTW, my parents are both deceased.  Neither had a critical bone in their bodies.  I miss them terribly.)

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Baby Snakes on September 12, 2013, 11:59:41 AM
When I was in high school, about 15 or 16 years old, my best friend and I decided to make long skirts out of our old blue jeans (you rip out the inseam and insert a wedge shaped piece of colored fabric).  I was wearing my jean skirt around the house one afternoon and my mom started calling me "the hippie".  This continued for about 20 years, long after the jean skirt had been tossed.  Never mind that I wasn't a hippie, have never been a hippie, and am way too young to have been a hippie.

Sheesh!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lynn2000 on September 12, 2013, 12:11:02 PM
Wanted to mention my grandma. This doesn't really bother me personally because I'm more removed from it, and I know better than to invest myself too much in what she says. But she is the queen of criticizing things with a sweet smile. Like, she says she would like a flower pot and doesn't care what color, so you buy her a blue flower pot and she says, "Oh, thank you, this is so great, I just wish it was yellow." One isolated comment doesn't sound so bad, but it slowly builds up when it's every single thing.

"Oh, this sweater is so beautiful, I just wish it wasn't made of wool."
"Oh, thank you so much for the coffee maker, I just wish you'd gotten the smaller size."
"Oh, thank you so much for planting my garden, I just wish you'd put these plants over here, and those over there."

Keep in mind that she always has the opportunity to specify the color/size/location/etc. beforehand and always says anything is fine.  ::) I feel bad for my poor mom, who still has this deep-seated desire to please her. My mom will say to me, "I'm thinking of getting this for Grandma! Do you think she'll like it?" and I say, "Well, Mom, I think it's a great idea, but you know how she is. She'll find something wrong with it. I just don't want you to be disappointed by that."  >:(
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on September 12, 2013, 12:21:28 PM
When I was in high school, about 15 or 16 years old, my best friend and I decided to make long skirts out of our old blue jeans (you rip out the inseam and insert a wedge shaped piece of colored fabric).  I was wearing my jean skirt around the house one afternoon and my mom started calling me "the hippie".  This continued for about 20 years, long after the jean skirt had been tossed.  Never mind that I wasn't a hippie, have never been a hippie, and am way too young to have been a hippie.

Sheesh!

I did that skirt thing too! I had one with cow print that was long, then one that was short with an Oz Fest t-shirt, one with a piece of leather....I kinda wanna make one now...
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 12, 2013, 12:46:00 PM
MIL started telling DS when he was 5 that he should remember that there is a proper order for life to go in. You go to school, graduate high school, go to college, get a degree, a well paying job, buy a house, then you find a girlfriend and get married eventually, then children.

That is a dig at DH and I. DH joined the US Army just out of high school, then met me at his job after being discharged, we dated, got our own apartment, DH went to school and got an Associate in Science degree while we both worked, we got married and had DS, now I am going to school.

I overheard MIL telling DS that little life philosophy and told her that if she ever said that again, she would not be alone with DS ever again. AFAIK, she has not repeated it.

MIL has never gone to college or had a median income job, so I am not sure where her philosophy comes from.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Hillia on September 12, 2013, 01:13:50 PM
My FIL is a fairly competent handyman, although some of his solutions are pretty rough. When his 2 sons were growing up, he would bring them out to help him with a chore - then get frustrated because they didn't instinctively know how to use a tool or do something, so he'd get mad at them and do it himself rather than teaching them anything.  Now he's quite free with the snide remarks about how lazy they both were/are, and how little either of them can do around the house.  I take great pleasure in posting FB statuses about the latest project DH tackled around the house, whether it's fixing a minor plumbing issue or remodeling the laundry room.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gingerzing on September 12, 2013, 01:47:00 PM
My FIL is a fairly competent handyman, although some of his solutions are pretty rough. When his 2 sons were growing up, he would bring them out to help him with a chore - then get frustrated because they didn't instinctively know how to use a tool or do something, so he'd get mad at them and do it himself rather than teaching them anything.  Now he's quite free with the snide remarks about how lazy they both were/are, and how little either of them can do around the house.  I take great pleasure in posting FB statuses about the latest project DH tackled around the house, whether it's fixing a minor plumbing issue or remodeling the laundry room.

Sounds like my FIL with my DH. 
FIL was a licensed electrician and had a "oh for heavens sake I will just do it myself" kind of attitude when DH wanted to help.  Hence, DH can do some things but is terribly unsure and doesn't like to handyman things. 

DH apparently was good at art as a teen, but MIL and FIL were hyper critical about it and anything that DH tried - except the army - they basically gave him no support then wondered why he quit stuff.    Like the poster whose parents said that she was a quitter even though they never wanted to pay dues... yeah, same thing for the most part with DH's folks.  They both will do the Way-Back machine and claim DH was a quitter from the time he was in Cub Scouts.  (Well, if you don't pay dues, the kiddo can't go. Not like a 6 YO has $$$)   ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 12, 2013, 02:11:09 PM
I remember my MIL criticising the towels in our guest bathroom, saying they were "awful".  They were brand-new, soft and thick, and a lovely shade of navy blue that went well with the bathroom's décor.  I asked somewhat sharply what was so awful about them, and she said "They just are.  You should replace them."  My husband said "Considering we literally just bought them, that's not going to happen."

When we replaced our dinner dishes with some brand-new ones, she commented "About time."  Ugh.  I was tempted to take the news ones back, just to spite her!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Midnight Kitty on September 12, 2013, 07:19:47 PM
I was thinking about this thread today. My dad was an English teacher, and in his case this meant he was also the grammar, spelling, and handwriting police throughout my childhood. Picture me, six years old, bringing him my kindergarten homework, and he responds by getting out his red pen and closing the loop of my printed lower-case A because two millimeters were left open.  ::) This continued all through junior high and even some into high school.<snip>
So my dad is not going to get to read my stories. That's the consequence of him criticizing things I brought to him as a child. I'm not thinking this vindictively; it actually makes me a little sad. But to me it's like--bed, made, lie. Maybe he doesn't even realize what he's missing, or why he's missing it, or maybe he wouldn't be interested anyway. But looking back, I think--was it worth it? I can't share this thing I really enjoy with him, that maybe he would enjoy too, I can't let him get to know me on that deeper level in this way. Was that worth it, to ensure that I could form a lower-case A properly?  :-\ All I know is, if I ever had kids, this would be constantly present in my mind, and I would try to do things differently.
My father will frequently interrupt me when I am speaking to correct my grammar or pronunciation.  I used to try to remember where I was before he so rudely interrupted, but not anymore.  I stop talking.  I let the silence speak.  Sometimes he'll say, "well ... finish."  Then I reply, "It seems you are more interested in correcting my grammar than listening to my story."  Sometimes he just starts talking about something else he's interested in, so I know he wasn't paying any attention to what I was saying in the first place.  He's getting deaf but won't get a hearing aide.  He hears what he wants to hear, makes assumptions about the rest, and I'm pretty sure he isn't getting 90% of the message directed to him.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Otterpop on September 12, 2013, 07:33:17 PM
What makes people so nasty?!!!  My DH is also a terrible handyman because of a hyper critical, yell-at-you-while-you-fumble, father.  I had a dad who patiently directed you to do it correctly and as a result, I'm pretty handy.

DH is however, a genius at anything IT (He's VP of IT for a major metropolitan toll road).  But of course, to FIL, he's invisible.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 12, 2013, 07:37:00 PM
I think a lot of nastiness comes out of insecurity.  The rest comes out of narcissism.  These two traits often co-exist.

Some people can forgive such things, but I usually don't.  The reason is that any reasonably intelligent person learns eventually to get past whatever made them this way and goes on to meaningful change for the better.  Those that don't are not deserving of forgiveness.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Otterpop on September 12, 2013, 07:44:58 PM
I think a lot of nastiness comes out of insecurity.  The rest comes out of narcissism.  These two traits often co-exist.

Some people can forgive such things, but I usually don't.  The reason is that any reasonably intelligent person learns eventually to get past whatever made them this way and goes on to meaningful change for the better.  Those that don't are not deserving of forgiveness.

You are so right.  Funny how narcissism seems like extreme love of self, but it's actually born out of deep seated insecurity.  Knowing this gives a "target" some strength.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Hillia on September 12, 2013, 07:49:49 PM
I see this in FIL.  He himself was horribly abused as a child, so now he has to win every interaction, even if there's no contest.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 12, 2013, 08:21:57 PM
I remember when I went off to college I went through a few months or even a year really where I wanted to learn about other denominations and faiths. I wasn't even so much searching as I just wanted to know what other people believed because such things fascinated me. (I sometimes think I should have done a major in anthropology because people and the different ways they live fascinate me)

So I went with friends to different denominations of Christianity, a Unitarian church, and even observed some Wiccan ceremonies. My mother was not terribly happy when I'd attend the other Christian denominations (I was brought up Catholic)  I quoted Truly from Steel Magnolias "God doesn't care what church you go to, long as you show up!"  Mom frowned and said "That's not true!"  ::)

Now mind you, once I went off to college and moved out of their house, they stopped attending church as much.  At least if my brother had a game (soccer) they wouldn't go.  I guess they had to still attend some because he was still going through CCD for Confirmation but they certainly didn't go every week.  So I found it kind of rich that she was getting so bent out of shape about me attending other services besides Catholic when she didn't even bother attending every week, and once he was confirmed, they didn't go at all except for when we'd visit grandparents.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 12, 2013, 08:29:41 PM
I had a classmate in college who was a philosophy major.  One of his elective courses was Comparative Religion, which sounded fascinating.  However, he told us that he couldn't tell his parents he was taking this course because his mother attributed magical qualities to sacred literature.  In other words, reading it automatically converted the reader.

My mother thought stuff like this, too.  I finally got confrontational about it by asking "Do you consider me to be so weak that reading one book would automatically change my loyalties?"

Dead silence and no repeat of the conversation.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: KenveeB on September 12, 2013, 08:45:16 PM
Wanted to mention my grandma. This doesn't really bother me personally because I'm more removed from it, and I know better than to invest myself too much in what she says. But she is the queen of criticizing things with a sweet smile. Like, she says she would like a flower pot and doesn't care what color, so you buy her a blue flower pot and she says, "Oh, thank you, this is so great, I just wish it was yellow." One isolated comment doesn't sound so bad, but it slowly builds up when it's every single thing.

"Oh, this sweater is so beautiful, I just wish it wasn't made of wool."
"Oh, thank you so much for the coffee maker, I just wish you'd gotten the smaller size."
"Oh, thank you so much for planting my garden, I just wish you'd put these plants over here, and those over there."

Keep in mind that she always has the opportunity to specify the color/size/location/etc. beforehand and always says anything is fine.  ::) I feel bad for my poor mom, who still has this deep-seated desire to please her. My mom will say to me, "I'm thinking of getting this for Grandma! Do you think she'll like it?" and I say, "Well, Mom, I think it's a great idea, but you know how she is. She'll find something wrong with it. I just don't want you to be disappointed by that."  >:(

Uh-oh, Lynn, I think we might be related -- we have the same grandma! Mom finally threw up her hands and said Dad (Grandma's son) was responsible for buying her gifts from now on. I've just given up and ignore most of what she says. My favorite recent example: I've lost a lot of weight recently (over 50 lbs at the time of the story, over 80 by now) and was so happy to buy pretty new clothes. When I visited for a family holiday, I wore a pretty new skirt and blouse. Grandma said how nice I looked, "But next time, you need to wear blue jeans."  ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Bluenomi on September 12, 2013, 08:51:04 PM
MIL started telling DS when he was 5 that he should remember that there is a proper order for life to go in. You go to school, graduate high school, go to college, get a degree, a well paying job, buy a house, then you find a girlfriend and get married eventually, then children.

That is a dig at DH and I. DH joined the US Army just out of high school, then met me at his job after being discharged, we dated, got our own apartment, DH went to school and got an Associate in Science degree while we both worked, we got married and had DS, now I am going to school.

I overheard MIL telling DS that little life philosophy and told her that if she ever said that again, she would not be alone with DS ever again. AFAIK, she has not repeated it.

MIL has never gone to college or had a median income job, so I am not sure where her philosophy comes from.

My Dad always told me he expected a wedding before any christenings. He stopped saying that when I pointed out I was never planning on christening any of my children so it didn't matter when they were born in relation to any wedding  >:D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 12, 2013, 09:56:43 PM
I remember when I went off to college I went through a few months or even a year really where I wanted to learn about other denominations and faiths. I wasn't even so much searching as I just wanted to know what other people believed because such things fascinated me. (I sometimes think I should have done a major in anthropology because people and the different ways they live fascinate me)

So I went with friends to different denominations of Christianity, a Unitarian church, and even observed some Wiccan ceremonies. My mother was not terribly happy when I'd attend the other Christian denominations (I was brought up Catholic)  I quoted Truly from Steel Magnolias "God doesn't care what church you go to, long as you show up!"  Mom frowned and said "That's not true!"  ::)

Now mind you, once I went off to college and moved out of their house, they stopped attending church as much.  At least if my brother had a game (soccer) they wouldn't go.  I guess they had to still attend some because he was still going through CCD for Confirmation but they certainly didn't go every week.  So I found it kind of rich that she was getting so bent out of shape about me attending other services besides Catholic when she didn't even bother attending every week, and once he was confirmed, they didn't go at all except for when we'd visit grandparents.

I just recently found out that the church I was raised in, and all the things we (child members) were taught were "sinful" and that it was Bible based is hogwash. None of that is actually derived from the Bible. I was astounded, as I had been reading for myself for decades but thought I had just missed some passages.

No, not in there. None of it. I was forbidden from attending prom in HS, but younger sister got to go to all the dances  ::), because dancing was a sin, don't ya know? Yes, not in the Bible as a sin, in fact it is worship to dance in some circumstances!

DH's uncle is one of the fire and brimstone believers and he keeps telling me dancing is forbidden.  :(
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: metallicafan on September 12, 2013, 10:50:52 PM
Wearing anything but tiny earrings will make people think badly of you.

My mother's version of this was:

Pierced ears disfigure your face  :o

This is why my birthday present to myself for my 16th birthday was to get my ears pierced because you didn't need a parent's signature at that age. A few years later when I graduated from college she happily gave me diamond earrings for pierced ears - go figure!

This didn't happen to me but to my BIL when he was about 18.  He pierced his ear, and the same day my FIL made him remove it.   DH has always wanted a tattoo of his FavoriteSportsTeam logo on his calf.  He won't do it because my FIL will criticize him for it.  I want a tattoo myself and I told DH that I am well beyond the age of needing parental approval and so is he. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 13, 2013, 05:45:05 AM
I remember when I went off to college I went through a few months or even a year really where I wanted to learn about other denominations and faiths. I wasn't even so much searching as I just wanted to know what other people believed because such things fascinated me. (I sometimes think I should have done a major in anthropology because people and the different ways they live fascinate me)

So I went with friends to different denominations of Christianity, a Unitarian church, and even observed some Wiccan ceremonies. My mother was not terribly happy when I'd attend the other Christian denominations (I was brought up Catholic)  I quoted Truly from Steel Magnolias "God doesn't care what church you go to, long as you show up!"  Mom frowned and said "That's not true!"  ::)

Now mind you, once I went off to college and moved out of their house, they stopped attending church as much.  At least if my brother had a game (soccer) they wouldn't go.  I guess they had to still attend some because he was still going through CCD for Confirmation but they certainly didn't go every week.  So I found it kind of rich that she was getting so bent out of shape about me attending other services besides Catholic when she didn't even bother attending every week, and once he was confirmed, they didn't go at all except for when we'd visit grandparents.

I just recently found out that the church I was raised in, and all the things we (child members) were taught were "sinful" and that it was Bible based is hogwash. None of that is actually derived from the Bible. I was astounded, as I had been reading for myself for decades but thought I had just missed some passages.

No, not in there. None of it. I was forbidden from attending prom in HS, but younger sister got to go to all the dances  ::), because dancing was a sin, don't ya know? Yes, not in the Bible as a sin, in fact it is worship to dance in some circumstances!

DH's uncle is one of the fire and brimstone believers and he keeps telling me dancing is forbidden.  :(

The no dancing thing and all the other stuff reminds me of Lane Kim of Gilmore Girls who had a very strict mother who wouldn't let her dance, listen to any music that wasn't Christian, eat spicy food, etc.  Thankfully Mrs. Kim relaxed after a while, seeing that she was on the verge of losing her daughter with her refusal to let Lane be herself, since Lane was hiding the music she liked (plus makeup and other forbidden things) under the floorboards.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lynn2000 on September 13, 2013, 09:57:07 AM
I think a lot of nastiness comes out of insecurity.  The rest comes out of narcissism.  These two traits often co-exist.

Some people can forgive such things, but I usually don't.  The reason is that any reasonably intelligent person learns eventually to get past whatever made them this way and goes on to meaningful change for the better.  Those that don't are not deserving of forgiveness.

Exactly. I don't feel like my dad, specifically, is nasty, but I feel like he had a very different childhood than I did, and it's actually remarkable to me the kinds of things he hasn't passed on. He grew up in a time/place with a lot more physical discipline and labor, and with a social structure that was a lot more "adults (especially your parents) are gods compared to children." His mom was a school teacher and once used corporal punishment on him in front of her class for no other reason than to impress upon them how tough she was; and his dad was of the philosophy, "Well, I can't tell which one of you kids is really at fault, so I'm just going to punish all of you," again corporal punishment.  :o Whereas I was, honestly, quite spoiled as a child and I could never imagine my dad raising his hand to anyone, let alone me, he is not that kind of person at all.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Snooks on September 13, 2013, 10:34:05 AM
"You need to buy a house"
Usually said when one of the cats has done something silly on the balcony.

We own a perfectly nice two bedroom multi-level flat with a front door which opens onto a much bigger garden than we'd ever get if we bought a house in the area we live in. The cat who actually goes outside loves that garden and it has lots of hidey holes in bushes for him. If we lived in a house the other cat would never get any outside time because she will only go on our balcony and is terrified of the big bad outside world.

Also if we bought a house where we live we'd lose our parking and any second bedroom would be smaller than the one we have and houses cost 50% more than our flat that we've had completely renovated.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Kariachi on September 13, 2013, 10:46:40 AM
My maternal grandmother doesn't criticize so much as she compares. My mother has just stopped making stuff for her, and we've all but cut her off at this point. Every time you show her something you've made, be it art or food or whatever, you get the same response.

"You know so-and-so makes really good X."

Every. Single. Time. Mom makes her a quilt, "You know our neighbor's daughter makes really good quilts?". I bake cookies, "You know your cousin L makes the best cookies*."

Not even bothering anymore. This is the same woman who, when I was a 18 months old, told off my mother because I kept dropping the candies my grandfather was giving me onto the floor.

Her old-as-hedge dog had a seizure a few weeks after we left, she still blames us for it. Swears he ate those little candies and that's what killed him and it's our fault cause I dropped them and my mom didn't clean them up fast enough.

That same visit was the only time my eldest aunt had visited, ever, and she brought her kids. Since they were there, my younger aunts bought their kids. So, it's me (18 months), my cousin M (16 months or so), eldest aunt's two (15 months or so and 3-4 years), and my cousin J (about 10). At one point we all started jumping on the bed.

Guess who got in trouble.

Guess who was accused of having talked the others into it.

Honestly, we have no reason to believe she likes me, my mother, or my sister. Hedge, we don't have reason to believe she likes Grandpa. She's worse to him than she is to us.

She'll sit there and nag and criticize him until he makes a smart remark back, then she'll call up my aunts and cry about how he's upset her and they have to call my mother to tell her to call my Grandpa and tell him to apologize.

For those who couldn't follow that:

Grandma to Aunt- "Call your sister and tell her to talk to your father."

Aunt to Mom- "Call dad and tell him to apologize for hurting mom's feelings"

Mom to aunt- "She lives with him, if she's upset she needs to tell him herself!"

Once again, Grandma don't' like us.

Grandpa does like us though. He'll compliment you on a job well done, he'll teach you, he'll be patient with you. He loves his kids, loves his grandkids, loves being a grandpa. 

Him we'll keep.




*That's a lie. I make the best cookies. Ever. And she's never gonna get them again 'cause I don't like her.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: weeblewobble on September 13, 2013, 11:15:20 AM
Not a criticism but something they wouldn't let die:

When I was a teenager, a friend of mine was visiting and her creepy jealous boyfriend was calling to check up on her, again.
I answered the phone and (with, I admit, ill-placed humor) said, "Oh, hi Ted, yeah Sandy's here...we picked up a bunch of Norwegian sailors on the way over and we're having quite the party! Sandy, get off Gunter's lap! Ted's on the phone!" He a actually got mad at her over it.  (Extra weird, we're waaaaaaaay inland and totally not the sort of gals who'd pick up random men of any sort.)

But that's not the thing.  Apparently, based on that joke, my entire family decided that *I* was obsessed with sailors.  ???  They would not shut up about this imaginary preference. I couldn't even enjoy the old musicals I love if there were "sailor" characters without their weird comments.  It was very tiresome and soooo annoying.

HA! Two years ago, I flew cross country on my own for business conference.  It was the first time I'd ever traveled alone that distance and my dad was NOT happy about it.  Nevermind the fact that I was 33 at the time, married, with two children and had traveled extensively for business and vacation (with my husband or coworkers), including other countries and large cities with high crime rates. You will not find a more travel-safety conscious person than me.  But my dad seemed to think I would walk out of the airport and climb into an unmarked van if I was offered free candy.

So I got to the hotel, checked in without incident and texted my husband and both parents to let them know I was there. Mom texted back, "Flight OK? Hotel nice?"  and I responded, "Flight was OK, the hotel's nice.  Don't worry, I met some friendly sailors in the lobby and they're taking me out for drinks later."

Now, my mom and I can joke around like that. She knew I wasn't serious and she laughed.  Dad asked her what was funny and she, not thinking, repeated the message to him.  My dad hit the roof, said that I shouldn't be allowed out of the house if that was the sort of judgement I was showing and that from now on, he was going to go on all of my business trips with me. Mom, who thankfully kept him from calling me and fussing at me, gave him this face  ::) and said, "Good luck with that."

I'm still traveling and dad has relaxed quite a bit.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cami on September 13, 2013, 11:20:28 AM
I think a lot of nastiness comes out of insecurity.  The rest comes out of narcissism.  These two traits often co-exist.

Some people can forgive such things, but I usually don't.  The reason is that any reasonably intelligent person learns eventually to get past whatever made them this way and goes on to meaningful change for the better.  Those that don't are not deserving of forgiveness.

You are so right.  Funny how narcissism seems like extreme love of self, but it's actually born out of deep seated insecurity.  Knowing this gives a "target" some strength.
I think while that may be true in some cases, I am unwilling to generalize in that way about narcissists because I've yet to meet a single one that has any insecurity. All of the narcissists I've known (my father amongst them) were 100% convinced the world did revolve around them and that they were always right. No insecurities whatsoever.

So while there may be some narcissists who are insecure, that's not been my experience.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: weeblewobble on September 13, 2013, 11:21:51 AM
Since we're on the subject of my MIL, here's one related to the story about the books.

We told her our short list of names for our then as yet unborn child. As it happens, all of the names had 3 syllables.  Her response:

"WHY would you give your kids such long names? You don't know if your kid is going to be smart enough to spell a long name. He or she might be a dope, so you should give them a short name."

My dh just gapes at her and says, "So is that why my name and my siblings names are only one syllable?"

MIL: "Yes! I was afraid you'd all be dopes and unable to spell your name, so I gave you all names of one syllable because I figured no matter how stupid you might be, at least you'd be able to spell your name."

Me: "Well, maybe if you believed in giving kids books to read and reading to them, they might have a better chance  at spelling words with more than one syllable."

This is horrible, but really funny. At least she follows through on her convictions, right?  ::)

One thing I've noticed in this thread is how we often take pains to assert that we are NOT doing what our parents criticize us for! :) As if it would be okay for them to criticize if we WERE actually in the wrong, because as adults our weight/spending habits/career choice is TOTALLY still their business. What is it about parents that bring out the defensive in us...

My friend's MIL was pretty critical of her at first. The very first time she met my friend in person, she says, "So how long have you been living off my son's money?"  :o See, that's not a cool thing to say, even if it was true. I guess maybe what makes it ridiculous is how very untrue it was--that the son did not by any means have enough money to support a second person. And it was extra-cruel because at the time, my friend was out of work and feeling very depressed about it--which is what prompted his mother to make her remark. In actuality my friend and her BF were living in HER house, and she was paying her expenses from her savings. So while she would much rather have had a job with money coming in, she was by no means destitute or reduced to sponging off someone else. And you know what, even if she HAD been living off his money, they are both competent adults and that is their own decision to make.  ::) She is much more forgiving of her MIL than I would have been...

As much as I hate to engage the crazy, I wouldn't blame your friend for saying, "I'm not.  I'm paying our housing and expenses from my savings.  But thanks for asking."
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: weeblewobble on September 13, 2013, 11:23:52 AM
Not a criticism but something they wouldn't let die:

When I was a teenager, a friend of mine was visiting and her creepy jealous boyfriend was calling to check up on her, again.
I answered the phone and (with, I admit, ill-placed humor) said, "Oh, hi Ted, yeah Sandy's here...we picked up a bunch of Norwegian sailors on the way over and we're having quite the party! Sandy, get off Gunter's lap! Ted's on the phone!" He a actually got mad at her over it.  (Extra weird, we're waaaaaaaay inland and totally not the sort of gals who'd pick up random men of any sort.)

But that's not the thing.  Apparently, based on that joke, my entire family decided that *I* was obsessed with sailors.  ???  They would not shut up about this imaginary preference. I couldn't even enjoy the old musicals I love if there were "sailor" characters without their weird comments.  It was very tiresome and soooo annoying.

Are we related?  I used to go out to the garage when my dad was fixing the car, because I was curious.  Based on this, my mother decided to joke that I wanted to be an auto mechanic when I grew up.  Not that there's anything wrong with that profession, but it wasn't what I wanted for a career.  She would. Not. Drop it.  I stopped hanging out in the garage :'( , but she still wouldn't stop. 

She did that a lot, actually- harping on something waaaaay past the point of it being funny.
When we were young and had a family game night, my brother the punster and specialist in twisted jokes quipped, "Incest - the game the whole family can play."  OK, it was a lame but funny joke once.  Only once.  And it was my brother who thought of this.  For the last 20 years my father has been telling everyone that I am the one who said this. :-[

Dude.  That is so not OK.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: metallicafan on September 13, 2013, 11:26:39 AM
Not a criticism but something they wouldn't let die:

When I was a teenager, a friend of mine was visiting and her creepy jealous boyfriend was calling to check up on her, again.
I answered the phone and (with, I admit, ill-placed humor) said, "Oh, hi Ted, yeah Sandy's here...we picked up a bunch of Norwegian sailors on the way over and we're having quite the party! Sandy, get off Gunter's lap! Ted's on the phone!" He a actually got mad at her over it.  (Extra weird, we're waaaaaaaay inland and totally not the sort of gals who'd pick up random men of any sort.)

But that's not the thing.  Apparently, based on that joke, my entire family decided that *I* was obsessed with sailors.  ???  They would not shut up about this imaginary preference. I couldn't even enjoy the old musicals I love if there were "sailor" characters without their weird comments.  It was very tiresome and soooo annoying.

HA! Two years ago, I flew cross country on my own for business conference.  It was the first time I'd ever traveled alone that distance and my dad was NOT happy about it.  Nevermind the fact that I was 33 at the time, married, with two children and had traveled extensively for business and vacation (with my husband or coworkers), including other countries and large cities with high crime rates. You will not find a more travel-safety conscious person than me.  But my dad seemed to think I would walk out of the airport and climb into an unmarked van if I was offered free candy.

So I got to the hotel, checked in without incident and texted my husband and both parents to let them know I was there. Mom texted back, "Flight OK? Hotel nice?"  and I responded, "Flight was OK, the hotel's nice.  Don't worry, I met some friendly sailors in the lobby and they're taking me out for drinks later."

Now, my mom and I can joke around like that. She knew I wasn't serious and she laughed.  Dad asked her what was funny and she, not thinking, repeated the message to him.  My dad hit the roof, said that I shouldn't be allowed out of the house if that was the sort of judgement I was showing and that from now on, he was going to go on all of my business trips with me. Mom, who thankfully kept him from calling me and fussing at me, gave him this face  ::) and said, "Good luck with that."

I'm still traveling and dad has relaxed quite a bit.

Weeblewobble, your preaching to the choir here.   :D  My father is the same way.  He wouldn't let me ride my bike around the block until I was 13...
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on September 13, 2013, 01:08:30 PM
My mom "criticiezes" my height sometimes. It's totally joking, because obviously it's something I have no control over. She'll look at me and say "Why are you so tall?" and I'll say something like "You picked a guy who was 6'4"", or "Hey you're the one who insisted I eat vegetables".

My great uncle overheard her one day and looked at me goes "Why are you so tall?", so I just looked at him and said "Uh, genetics", he looked at me and said "Well, you shouldn't be so tall, girls aren't suppossed to be tall", I just said "Ok, I'll work on that".

Even now if he sees me he tells me I'm too tall and should never wear heels. Of course, cause I'm me, I almost always wear heels around him just to tick him off. Once I told him if god wanted me shorter or didn't want me wear he heels he would've made me short and made heels less cute.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Otterpop on September 13, 2013, 01:19:08 PM
I think a lot of nastiness comes out of insecurity.  The rest comes out of narcissism.  These two traits often co-exist.

Some people can forgive such things, but I usually don't.  The reason is that any reasonably intelligent person learns eventually to get past whatever made them this way and goes on to meaningful change for the better.  Those that don't are not deserving of forgiveness.

You are so right.  Funny how narcissism seems like extreme love of self, but it's actually born out of deep seated insecurity.  Knowing this gives a "target" some strength.
I think while that may be true in some cases, I am unwilling to generalize in that way about narcissists because I've yet to meet a single one that has any insecurity. All of the narcissists I've known (my father amongst them) were 100% convinced the world did revolve around them and that they were always right. No insecurities whatsoever.

So while there may be some narcissists who are insecure, that's not been my experience.

That's the great deception.  They hide inside an image of extreme pride.  Most people who meet an N think they feel themselves King/Queen of the world.  The image is so good they lose themselves in it.  But when the image is threatened the mask slips.  An N will lash out, insist they're right, sulk, sabotage the threat, etc., because they HAVE to keep that image intact at all costs.  The "real" person doesn't match the grand facade.

A grounded, balanced, relatively confident person doesn't need to be extremely defensive.  They can give and take in a relationship, admit they are wrong, can perceive their own flaws and work on them.  It won't shake their self-perception, there's no (or very little) fake image,  so there's no need to steam-roll others.

So your experience is correct because it's the image that the N is putting forth.  If you ever see the mask slip, you'll know.  Then watch out...

(My aunt who criticizes me during EVERY conversation was "the black sheep" growing up.  She made something of herself in spite of everyone's predictions.  You'd think she'd be proud and encouraging of us.  Instead, she's turned into her hated harpy mother and grandmother.  Why, is beyond me ::)  Feel free to chime in with an explanation anyone.)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mumma to KMC on September 13, 2013, 01:40:56 PM
My mother used to criticize me about my weight, but she's really backed off the past few years. I think she finally sees that I eat well, exercise somewhat, and in general take care of myself, I'm just heavier.

I don't have a great relationship with my father. Nothing horrible happened, but he favors my older sister to the extreme. I started distancing myself a few years back and now we talk on Father's Day, his birthday, and maybe Christmas, and things are a lot better. (Notice I didn't say my birthday :)) To this day, with me being 36, I don't think my father thinks I can make sound financial decision. Yes, I had trouble with credit card debt in my 20s but that got under control and things are just fine now. However, to this day, I still have a kind of buyers remorse after making a big purchase like the home we bought, or the car we took out a loan to buy.

I do take that back, we were discussing interest rates on cars and I mentioned what we had on my husband's car and my dad was super impressed. :) Maybe he doesn't think so badly of me now.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on September 13, 2013, 02:07:51 PM
My maternal grandmother doesn't criticize so much as she compares. My mother has just stopped making poopadities for her, and we've all but cut her off at this point. Every time you show her something you've made, be it art or food or whatever, you get the same response.
I just have to know what you mom stopped making for grandma that needed to be censored.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 13, 2013, 02:19:04 PM
My maternal grandmother doesn't criticize so much as she compares. My mother has just stopped making poopadities for her, and we've all but cut her off at this point. Every time you show her something you've made, be it art or food or whatever, you get the same response.
I just have to know what you mom stopped making for grandma that needed to be censored.

My guess: she misspelled "shirts"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Kariachi on September 13, 2013, 02:55:24 PM
My maternal grandmother doesn't criticize so much as she compares. My mother has just stopped making poopadities for her, and we've all but cut her off at this point. Every time you show her something you've made, be it art or food or whatever, you get the same response.
I just have to know what you mom stopped making for grandma that needed to be censored.

My guess: she misspelled "shirts"

 :-[ Nothing that clean. Sorry guys, I've been hanging out on less polite forum and it slipped past. I'll go fix that now.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 13, 2013, 03:47:26 PM
I remember my mother would not let go of my interest in being a nurse.  I decided that sometime I think in my junior year of high school but after struggling with the required sciences I gave up.  My mother for the next several years kept pushing me to be a nurse and I'd already lost interest in it.

She really just couldn't stand that I never graduated from college and kept pushing me to go back for a degree. Which I still haven't gotten.  But I would like to take some photography classes.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: JoW on September 14, 2013, 07:16:47 PM
The list is endless.  In Mom’s mind I can’t do anything right. I’m supposed to do everything the way she does it. 

I wear glasses when I drive.  I donate blood.  I exercise regularly.  I don’t wear high heel shoes.  I rarely wear skirts.  I rarely carry a purse.  I bathe too often.  I run my dishwasher too often.  I wash clothing too often.  I don’t wash my trash can often enough.   I use the wrong brand of laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent, hand dish washing soap, bath soap, and shampoo.

I don’t wear makeup.  I don’t curl my hair.   I eat breakfast.   I get up too early.  I go to bed too early.  I don’t play the radio while I’m trying to go sleep.  I watch the news daily.  I don’t watch her favorite TV shows.  I use my DVR to watch what I want when I want.  I have cell phone but not a land line.  I craft and have a room full of craft supplies.  I have a small freezer and keep it full of food.   I don’t go to the grocery every other day.

And she wonders why I no longer allow her in my house and refuse to visit her.  We live 1000 miles apart.  I plan to keep it that way. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 14, 2013, 07:36:22 PM
I think my mom expected me to be more like her.  She seemed disappointed that we had so little in common and perhaps it was just wishing there was some common interests we could relate on.  She loved to cook and was very good at it too, she also had quite a green thumb and due to her obtaining a horticulture degree, she could identify just about any kind of flora by genus and species as well as common name.

I like flowers, enjoy taking photos of them and enjoy a lovely garden but I don't get as into it as she did.  I also don't really enjoy cooking all that much and there are a few select items I deem worth spending more than half an hour in the kitchen for and I don't make those things often.  I do enjoy baking, though.

We don't even dress alike. She's very preppy, I prefer hippie/boho styles. She's an extrovert, I'm an introvert.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Maude on September 15, 2013, 01:17:12 AM
JoW   How does your mother know all those personal details about you?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Pen^2 on September 15, 2013, 01:56:02 AM
JoW   How does your mother know all those personal details about you?

I think if the mother came over and stayed overnight for a visit, she'd find out almost all of these. But they'd be picked up in conversation or just by hearing of interactions others have with JoW anyway (e.g. what she wears, when she gets up, etc.)

But it's still really, really nasty. And kind of silly: "You exercise regularly!" how is that not a compliment? "You eat breakfast!" is a very boring statement, and "You don't leave the radio on while you sleep" applies to probably 99% of people on Earth. Some people just like being nasty  >:(
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: pearls n purls on September 15, 2013, 02:12:51 AM
When I was college-aged, I was criticized for not being a flirt.

When I was about 17, a friend and I bought a rub-on temporary tattoo.  I was teasing my younger sister, pretending it was a real tattoo.  (Knowing she knew it was fake.)  My mother overheard, and started screaming at me that I was being a bad influence and that it was the same as if I offered my sister drugs!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 15, 2013, 06:22:14 AM
I've heard the same thing; I don't flirt either.  I refuse to put myself in any situation that could make a fool out of me.

As to comparing a temporary tattoo to offering drugs, that is completely over the top.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: JoW on September 15, 2013, 09:06:01 AM
JoW   How does your mother know all those personal details about you?

I think if the mother came over and stayed overnight for a visit, she'd find out almost all of these. But they'd be picked up in conversation or just by hearing of interactions others have with JoW anyway (e.g. what she wears, when she gets up, etc.)

But it's still really, really nasty. And kind of silly: "You exercise regularly!" how is that not a compliment? "You eat breakfast!" is a very boring statement, and "You don't leave the radio on while you sleep" applies to probably 99% of people on Earth. Some people just like being nasty  >:(
Pen^2 is right.  Mom used to find out a lot about me in routine conversation.  I was proud of my first blood donation and told her about it.  I enjoy exercise classes and told her about it.  My glasses are on anytime I need to see anything further than my fingertips.  They are hard to miss. 

Before I stopped letting her visit she would typically visit for about 10 days.   In that time she would see me run 2-3 loads of laundry and see me run the dishwasher a couple of times.

Mom snoops.  I used to let her stay here while I was at work. She would use that opportunity to bring in and read my mail, clean my closet and throw out clothing she didn't like, replace my cleaning products, clean inside my refrigerator and discard food, read my financial files .........

Mom was born in 1931.  When she was a teen everyone "knew" that exercise was bad for women.  It would damage your womb, and a woman is nothing without a working womb. 

I moved 1000 miles from her when I got my degree and my first real grownup job.  We are still in contact, but just barely.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cherry91 on September 15, 2013, 02:09:32 PM
This is pretty minor compared to many of the other comments, but my dad has one habit that drives me mad.

If my parents and I are having any kind of discussion where not everyone's opinions match, be it friendly debate or big blowout argument, if my opinion on the matter even remotely resembles my mother's, I'm "only saying that to agree with her". And nothing will convince him otherwise. The awkward thing is, as I'm very similar to my mother, yeah, it's often likely we'll have a similar thought process and opinions.

Funnily enough, if I agree with him on something, he never accuses me of just saying it to agree with him!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: poundcake on September 15, 2013, 04:33:57 PM
I think my mom expected me to be more like her.  She seemed disappointed that we had so little in common and perhaps it was just wishing there was some common interests we could relate on. 
...We don't even dress alike. She's very preppy, I prefer hippie/boho styles. She's an extrovert, I'm an introvert.

Same here. My mom was popular, tomboyish, outgoing, flirtatious, a bit of a bad girl, and the life of the party. I was shy, a bookworm, loved pretty dresses and dolls, ballet, and had zero interest in boys, parties or flirting. So there was the constant battle back and forth of me not meeting her expectations, and her being frustrated that I was so unlike anything she'd experienced. She was also a very young mother and hadn't grown up herself, so she took a lot of her insecurities out on me. If I didn't want to play softball, make mud pies, or climb trees, it was a personal rejection of her. I was also a late bloomer, boy-wise, so it made me very uncomfortable to have her asking me when I was 10 and 11 years old which boys I liked and who I thought was cute. Bunnies were cute. Boys were evil!

Today, she still has a hard time not taking my differing interests as some sort of personal rejection, but we've come a long way.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Optimoose Prime on September 15, 2013, 09:14:36 PM
The last time I talked with my mother (about 2006) she told me she, "never interferred in your life."  Yeah, not for lack of trying.  Seriously, I was over 40 then.  What makes her think I needed her interference?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TheaterDiva1 on September 15, 2013, 09:24:09 PM
MIL started telling DS when he was 5 that he should remember that there is a proper order for life to go in. You go to school, graduate high school, go to college, get a degree, a well paying job, buy a house, then you find a girlfriend and get married eventually, then children.

That is a dig at DH and I. DH joined the US Army just out of high school, then met me at his job after being discharged, we dated, got our own apartment, DH went to school and got an Associate in Science degree while we both worked, we got married and had DS, now I am going to school.

I overheard MIL telling DS that little life philosophy and told her that if she ever said that again, she would not be alone with DS ever again. AFAIK, she has not repeated it.

MIL has never gone to college or had a median income job, so I am not sure where her philosophy comes from.

Really?  I would've pointed out to MIL that had you done things in the "proper order," your DS may not even exist today!  I'd love to hear her response to that!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Kimblee on September 15, 2013, 09:37:45 PM
It kinds of annoys me when I see babies with pierced ears. They should have to nag their moms at least as much as I had to do first!

lol

I got mine done at six weeks. I love.love.love that my mom did that for me. I have tried to get a second set for over 10 years and they always get infected, or in the last try, when they healed we discovered they were WAY too close to my previous set. (the infections I'm convinced come from workers at claire's/walmart not paying mind to any cleaning issues before piercing, the set that was off center the girl cleaned, and cleaned and cleaned before she started and pinned my hair high above my ears/laid a paper sheet over my neck so my ear was very, very clean.)

Next time, I'm going to a piercing parlor, the one that did my cousin's navel. It looks like a cross between an OR and a torture dungeon but nothing I've ever seen that they poked the hole in got infected.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: suzieQ on September 16, 2013, 12:01:34 AM
It kinds of annoys me when I see babies with pierced ears. They should have to nag their moms at least as much as I had to do first!

lol

I got mine done at six weeks. I love.love.love that my mom did that for me. I have tried to get a second set for over 10 years and they always get infected, or in the last try, when they healed we discovered they were WAY too close to my previous set. (the infections I'm convinced come from workers at claire's/walmart not paying mind to any cleaning issues before piercing, the set that was off center the girl cleaned, and cleaned and cleaned before she started and pinned my hair high above my ears/laid a paper sheet over my neck so my ear was very, very clean.)

Next time, I'm going to a piercing parlor, the one that did my cousin's navel. It looks like a cross between an OR and a torture dungeon but nothing I've ever seen that they poked the hole in got infected.

Do you think a piercing parlor would help me? My ears get these "lumps" in them every time I wear earrings. And DH can't leave them alone - he thinks he has to squeeze the lumps out through my piercings.  ::)
So I quit wearing earrings. Would a new set of holes help me out or is this an allergy? I've tried all types of metals and everything seems to cause these lumps.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: twiggy on September 16, 2013, 12:53:22 AM
Technically not my mom, but MIL has been a mother figure to me since I was a teenager.

MIL doesn't let things drop. Last week was my 10 year HS reunion, and she still brings up how devastated she was that I blew her off on Graduation night. Well, her son and I were broken up at the time, I had a different boyfriend and I had about 10 minutes to see him and all my friends before my parents made it onto the field and I was expected to be with them for Family Time. So to have my ex-boyfriends mom crying was a bit awkward. I excused myself as quickly as possible. Still hearing about it.

Also, shortly after DH and I got married, we were with the extended family at Denny's. I had ordered hash browns, but they didn't come with the meal. I asked, in what I think was a normal tone, where they were. That morphed into hysterics, weeping, and rending of garments in despair over my missing hash browns. Yesterday we were at IHOP with MIL and the waitress gave her my pancakes. MIL said "Oh, she NEEDS her pancakes. You don't mess with HER pancakes." But it was hash browns, and I really wasn't that broken up about it. I promise.

Oh, and our wedding was fated. In HS, DH and I used to talk about getting married. We had even set a month/year. We broke up, he moved away, came home, we reconnected, and we ended up getting married in that month/year. It was destiny :). There were extenuating circumstances, but we ended up deciding we didn't want to wait any longer on Sunday, and we got married on Monday. So we were calling people asking "Hey Uncle Bob, what are you doing tonight? Oh, well, if you're not busy, I'm getting married." This has morphed into we had[/b] to get married that night so that it would be month/year. I finally started telling her that I didn't even remember that DH and I had talked about month/year as teenagers, and that I had totally forgotten about it until she, MIL, had brought it up.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Twik on September 16, 2013, 08:30:40 AM
It kinds of annoys me when I see babies with pierced ears. They should have to nag their moms at least as much as I had to do first!

lol

I got mine done at six weeks. I love.love.love that my mom did that for me. I have tried to get a second set for over 10 years and they always get infected, or in the last try, when they healed we discovered they were WAY too close to my previous set. (the infections I'm convinced come from workers at claire's/walmart not paying mind to any cleaning issues before piercing, the set that was off center the girl cleaned, and cleaned and cleaned before she started and pinned my hair high above my ears/laid a paper sheet over my neck so my ear was very, very clean.)

Next time, I'm going to a piercing parlor, the one that did my cousin's navel. It looks like a cross between an OR and a torture dungeon but nothing I've ever seen that they poked the hole in got infected.

Lol. You need to get them done the way my greatgrandmother got hers done. By her father, taking a break from spreading manure. She brought him a boiled darning needle to make the hole, and he held a field potato behind her ear as a support.

No infection at all.... :o
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 16, 2013, 09:29:44 AM
MIL started telling DS when he was 5 that he should remember that there is a proper order for life to go in. You go to school, graduate high school, go to college, get a degree, a well paying job, buy a house, then you find a girlfriend and get married eventually, then children.

That is a dig at DH and I. DH joined the US Army just out of high school, then met me at his job after being discharged, we dated, got our own apartment, DH went to school and got an Associate in Science degree while we both worked, we got married and had DS, now I am going to school.

I overheard MIL telling DS that little life philosophy and told her that if she ever said that again, she would not be alone with DS ever again. AFAIK, she has not repeated it.

MIL has never gone to college or had a median income job, so I am not sure where her philosophy comes from.

Really?  I would've pointed out to MIL that had you done things in the "proper order," your DS may not even exist today!  I'd love to hear her response to that!

I did tell her that. I am no longer allowing her to influence our lives. She does not have enough to keep her occupied, so she wants to arrange everyone's lives. ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 16, 2013, 09:46:04 AM

Do you think a piercing parlor would help me? My ears get these "lumps" in them every time I wear earrings. And DH can't leave them alone - he thinks he has to squeeze the lumps out through my piercings.  ::)
So I quit wearing earrings. Would a new set of holes help me out or is this an allergy? I've tried all types of metals and everything seems to cause these lumps.

Have you tried niobium or titanium?  Piercing parlors carry those. I'm extremely sensitive to most metals - can't even wear stainless steel or gold. I have niobium hoops and a medical piece of titanium in my breast as a marker to show where my surgery was on mammograms.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on September 16, 2013, 11:31:15 AM
Ok I got a ridiculous one this weekend, from my future MIL. Now, my MIL is awesome, we get along great but well...she's a bit of an odd duck (fine by me, I come from a long line of wack-a-doodles).

So Partner gets called in on Saturday to fix...something at work (this happens from time to time). While she's gone MIL calls me up to ask what we're up to for the day, just chatting. I tell her Partner got called in, and I just dropped the dogs off to get groomed and I'm cleaning around the house. MIL tuts at me and says "Again! You said on Thursday you were cleaning when I called! You girls clean way too much! If your house is a mess, it's a mess! No big deal! Now stop cleaning and go enjoy your life!", yes, she really complains we clean too much.

We do like our house to be fairly neat, and the easiest way to do this and to pick up and clean up as we go. MIL finally broke down a few years ago and hired a cleaning lady. According to Partner she never cleaned, that's just not what she did. Now, I say I'm a terrible housekeeper, I'll forget to vaccum, or I won't clean the bathroom, but according to Partner, MIL was more like, no clean clothes? Just wear dirty or buy some new ones! Dishes dirty? We've got paper plates! When the kids all moved out (they did a lot of the cleaning), it got pretty bad and finally they hired someone to come in and clean for her for a few months. She loved it and hired her on full time. She can't figure out why we don't just hire someone. We've talked about it, for the deep cleaning, but for right now it's just not something we want to spend money on. I feel better that she says the same things to Partner's brother and sister. They just say "We'll look into that mom" and onto the next subject.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mbbored on September 16, 2013, 11:43:50 AM
Talking to my siblings. She gets very upset if she says "Well, your sister is planning a trip to Narnia," and I reply with:

"Oh, I know! We were talking about what places she has to see while she's there!"

Apparently it's unacceptable for my siblings and I to tell each other anything before we tell our mother. Never mind that I lived in Narnia and have tips about site seeing, food, language barriers, etc.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 16, 2013, 02:06:17 PM
Mine sometimes would complain about me being too easy going.  Especially when it came to things my DH was doing, or they'd criticize him for not trying to control me more. 

DH would give me gift cards to Barnes and Noble for Mother's Day, then "kick" me out of the house to make use of it while he looked after the boys.  My mother would say "You left them alone with him?" This coming from the same woman who would say "I hate when men say they're babysitting their own kids!" My DH was perfectly capable of looking after our boys, mom just didn't like how he did it.

Or DH would buy something and I'd hear "Why didn't you stop him!" "I wasn't with him and its his money too and I don't have a problem with him buying an electrical fireplace. I like it!"

Or he'd hear "Why don't you stop her from liking THOSE movies?" meaning POTC.   ::)  I once told my mother while I was in college I don't believe in trying to control other people because you can only control yourself and your reactions to things.  She gave me a funny look. 

I just think it's funny. She grew up during the hippie movement and I act more like one than she ever did.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: lilfox on September 16, 2013, 02:55:28 PM
For our wedding, DH was the one to remember to get cash before we arrived at the wedding destination, so he had all the paper currency.  At one point I was going somewhere with my family and not DH, and I said something about needing to get cash from him.  My mom was very bothered that I had to ask for money from him, like I was on an allowance!  Uh, no, I just forgot to get a couple of bills earlier in the trip.  I had to assure her that I in fact had equal financial control over the money.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: SlitherHiss on September 16, 2013, 03:00:45 PM
For our wedding, DH was the one to remember to get cash before we arrived at the wedding destination, so he had all the paper currency.  At one point I was going somewhere with my family and not DH, and I said something about needing to get cash from him.  My mom was very bothered that I had to ask for money from him, like I was on an allowance!  Uh, no, I just forgot to get a couple of bills earlier in the trip.  I had to assure her that I in fact had equal financial control over the money.

When we go out, I usually don't like to carry a purse. Unfortunately, I also like to wear things that don't have pockets. So, DH is kind enough to pop my ID and bank card in his wallet. Sometimes, he even carries my lip balm.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Library Dragon on September 16, 2013, 03:06:20 PM
For our wedding, DH was the one to remember to get cash before we arrived at the wedding destination, so he had all the paper currency.  At one point I was going somewhere with my family and not DH, and I said something about needing to get cash from him.  My mom was very bothered that I had to ask for money from him, like I was on an allowance!  Uh, no, I just forgot to get a couple of bills earlier in the trip.  I had to assure her that I in fact had equal financial control over the money.

This makes me  ;D . MIL & FIL were always challenging DH on why I was the only one with cash (DH doesn't like to carry any).  They also constantly questioned why I drove my mini van instead of defaulting to the man driving.  1. It was my car; 2. We had to drive over bridges and DH has acrophobia.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 16, 2013, 05:40:50 PM
My mom has to consult with my dad on any expenditure.

She doesn't understand that I pay all the bills, make sure there is enough in the accounts to cover any expenses, move money, etc. I sit at a desk at work, I have mobile banking at my fingertips at any moment of the day. It just makes more sense this way!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lynn2000 on September 17, 2013, 12:21:57 PM
My mom has to consult with my dad on any expenditure.

She doesn't understand that I pay all the bills, make sure there is enough in the accounts to cover any expenses, move money, etc. I sit at a desk at work, I have mobile banking at my fingertips at any moment of the day. It just makes more sense this way!

Just curious... Does she not get how you can pay stuff immediately with technology, or does she think you ought to consult with your SO before you pay something? I think the latter would bother me more... My mom gets this sometimes, from both her own mom and even from her same-aged friends! "You're about to buy something expensive--do you need to call and check with DH first?" ::) One, NO. Two, none of your business! (And by "expensive," I mean like, $200 of clothing. Not a car or something. Although my dad has frequently bought used cars, for himself, without consulting my mom, but that seems to work for them.)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 17, 2013, 02:39:34 PM
My mother thinks I should check with DH before spending any amount of money, even on bills.

DH and I have been together and operating in this manner for 19 years. He knows to put any planned expenditures on our shared financial calendar, so we both know about them.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lynn2000 on September 17, 2013, 04:12:52 PM
My mother thinks I should check with DH before spending any amount of money, even on bills.

DH and I have been together and operating in this manner for 19 years. He knows to put any planned expenditures on our shared financial calendar, so we both know about them.

Ah, I see. That IS frustrating! Couples just have different ways of doing things. Hopefully what they do works for them, but they shouldn't assume everyone operates the same way.

On an unrelated note... I thought of a ridiculous criticism from my grandma. She's said before she thinks my mom and I are "boring." That is, we don't tell her our problems, so she can pass them on to the rest of the family and her web of friends as the Dispenser of Knowledge. ::) (The "handling rumors" thread reminded me of this.)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 17, 2013, 04:52:53 PM
^ I get ignored by MIL because of that. I don't tell her anything, so she has nothing to use against us.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Doll Fiend on September 17, 2013, 06:58:11 PM
I feel lucky. The only bit of criticism I get is from my Mom. "You have a heart of gold and book smarts, but you have no common sense." She says it with love and I understand her. Mainly because it is true.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: suzieQ on September 17, 2013, 07:16:00 PM

Do you think a piercing parlor would help me? My ears get these "lumps" in them every time I wear earrings. And DH can't leave them alone - he thinks he has to squeeze the lumps out through my piercings.  ::)
So I quit wearing earrings. Would a new set of holes help me out or is this an allergy? I've tried all types of metals and everything seems to cause these lumps.

Have you tried niobium or titanium?  Piercing parlors carry those. I'm extremely sensitive to most metals - can't even wear stainless steel or gold. I have niobium hoops and a medical piece of titanium (clipped)
I have not! Thanks - I'd never even heard of niobium before.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lynn2000 on September 17, 2013, 08:19:45 PM
I was thinking about this thread today. My dad was an English teacher, and in his case this meant he was also the grammar, spelling, and handwriting police throughout my childhood. Picture me, six years old, bringing him my kindergarten homework, and he responds by getting out his red pen and closing the loop of my printed lower-case A because two millimeters were left open.  ::) This continued all through junior high and even some into high school.

[snip]

My dad doesn't get to read my stories. He's never asked, but he knows I let my mom (married, same household) read them, and sometimes she and I end up discussing them in front of him. (I try not to, but sometimes it happens.) Occasionally I've thought of letting him read them. But I know he would criticize them. I know he would get out his red pen and add in/cross out commas, circle typos, mark my sentences he thought were too long. (The stories would almost certainly be typed at this point, so at least he wouldn't be able to "fix" my handwriting!) I know that this would be his way of showing that he was engaged with my stories, that he was paying attention to them. But it would upset me. Even if he said, "This was very good," all I would see are the red marks he felt compelled to put on it.

Okay, not to make it all about MEEEE... But after I posted this and people responded, I got to thinking about it more. I said to my mom, "Do you think Dad would like to read my stories?" and she's like, "Of course!" I said, "I'm just afraid he'll get out his red pen and make corrections," and she said, "Well, tell him not to." Well that sounds... simple.

So tonight I saw him and I casually said, "I wrote some stories in fandom XYZ... Maybe you'd like to read them sometime." And he got all excited and said, "Yes, I would!" Then I said, "But you couldn't point out typos or fix the grammar or say ANYTHING BAD AT ALL about them." And the whole time I'm speaking, he's shaking his head, like, no, of course not! Then I changed the subject to something else, just in case we were about to have a Moment... Gotta avoid those.

So, we'll see. I don't want to lean either way on it yet. But I offered, I told him the conditions, and he agreed immediately without hesitation or defensiveness. So I don't know, maybe I was just building this whole thing up in my mind. ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Library Dragon on September 17, 2013, 08:21:06 PM
It kinds of annoys me when I see babies with pierced ears. They should have to nag their moms at least as much as I had to do first!

SNIP


Lol. You need to get them done the way my greatgrandmother got hers done. By her father, taking a break from spreading manure. She brought him a boiled darning needle to make the hole, and he held a field potato behind her ear as a support.

No infection at all.... :o

My mother did something similar.  Ran the needle through a flame, "numbed" my ears with an ice cube, and held a potato behind my ear.

I was 9 years old and a cry baby because it H U R T. Yes, they got infected. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Kaymyth on September 17, 2013, 10:08:55 PM

Do you think a piercing parlor would help me? My ears get these "lumps" in them every time I wear earrings. And DH can't leave them alone - he thinks he has to squeeze the lumps out through my piercings.  ::)
So I quit wearing earrings. Would a new set of holes help me out or is this an allergy? I've tried all types of metals and everything seems to cause these lumps.

Have you tried niobium or titanium?  Piercing parlors carry those. I'm extremely sensitive to most metals - can't even wear stainless steel or gold. I have niobium hoops and a medical piece of titanium (clipped)
I have not! Thanks - I'd never even heard of niobium before.

I've also found that dabbing a cottonball in rubbing alcohol and going over the earring post with it helps a lot.  Pierced 20 years ago, and they still aren't really healed properly.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 18, 2013, 09:36:10 AM

Do you think a piercing parlor would help me? My ears get these "lumps" in them every time I wear earrings. And DH can't leave them alone - he thinks he has to squeeze the lumps out through my piercings.  ::)
So I quit wearing earrings. Would a new set of holes help me out or is this an allergy? I've tried all types of metals and everything seems to cause these lumps.

Have you tried niobium or titanium?  Piercing parlors carry those. I'm extremely sensitive to most metals - can't even wear stainless steel or gold. I have niobium hoops and a medical piece of titanium (clipped)
I have not! Thanks - I'd never even heard of niobium before.

Warning: a bit pricey. A small niobium hoop runs about $30 USA.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 18, 2013, 09:44:48 AM
I just sent out a Halloween party announcement to my opera club and remembered that my mother couldn't understand Halloween.  Granted, it wasn't celebrated in her native country while she still lived there but she thought that it was strictly for children and kept asking when I was going to outgrow it.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 18, 2013, 09:49:48 AM

Do you think a piercing parlor would help me? My ears get these "lumps" in them every time I wear earrings. And DH can't leave them alone - he thinks he has to squeeze the lumps out through my piercings.  ::)
So I quit wearing earrings. Would a new set of holes help me out or is this an allergy? I've tried all types of metals and everything seems to cause these lumps.

Have you tried niobium or titanium?  Piercing parlors carry those. I'm extremely sensitive to most metals - can't even wear stainless steel or gold. I have niobium hoops and a medical piece of titanium (clipped)
I have not! Thanks - I'd never even heard of niobium before.

Warning: a bit pricey. A small niobium hoop runs about $30 USA.

That's not much worse than 14-18 carat gold.  Fortunately, I can wear gold.  I seem to have a nickel allergy so cheap earrings are out.  I can get away with sterling silver but I prefer the gold for everyday wear.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: It's good to be Queen on September 18, 2013, 09:52:01 AM
My aunt criticizes me because I have a cleaning lady who comes once every week or two.  "In my day, we were proud to keep a nice, clean house and didn't pay someone to do the work"  Yes, and in your day, you were a stay at home mom and housewife, not a single woman who works 50 hours or so a week.  Why would I spend my precious free time doing something I hate, like cleaning, when I could be doing something I love, like gardening or my hobbies?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 18, 2013, 09:54:08 AM
My aunt criticizes me because I have a cleaning lady who comes once every week or two.  "In my day, we were proud to keep a nice, clean house and didn't pay someone to do the work"  Yes, and in your day, you were a stay at home mom and housewife, not a single woman who works 50 hours or so a week.  Why would I spend my precious free time doing something I hate, like cleaning, when I could be doing something I love, like gardening or my hobbies?

Tell me about it.  ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: lady_disdain on September 18, 2013, 10:33:41 AM

Do you think a piercing parlor would help me? My ears get these "lumps" in them every time I wear earrings. And DH can't leave them alone - he thinks he has to squeeze the lumps out through my piercings.  ::)
So I quit wearing earrings. Would a new set of holes help me out or is this an allergy? I've tried all types of metals and everything seems to cause these lumps.

Have you tried niobium or titanium?  Piercing parlors carry those. I'm extremely sensitive to most metals - can't even wear stainless steel or gold. I have niobium hoops and a medical piece of titanium (clipped)
I have not! Thanks - I'd never even heard of niobium before.

Warning: a bit pricey. A small niobium hoop runs about $30 USA.

You can get niobium earrings for a lot less than $30. This medium pair is $15: http://shop.naturallynickelfree.com/collections/unisex-jewelry/products/simple-niobium-hoop-earrings

You can also buy just the earwires (in a lot of fun colours) and change them. $0.45 from Metalliferous, a little more from Rio Grande: http://store.metalliferous.com/prodinfo.asp?number=ANB118
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: PastryGoddess on September 18, 2013, 11:27:30 AM
My aunt criticizes me because I have a cleaning lady who comes once every week or two.  "In my day, we were proud to keep a nice, clean house and didn't pay someone to do the work"  Yes, and in your day, you were a stay at home mom and housewife, not a single woman who works 50 hours or so a week.  Why would I spend my precious free time doing something I hate, like cleaning, when I could be doing something I love, like gardening or my hobbies?

Indeed!  I feel the same way.  I hate cleaning with a passion and me and my aunt are not home enough to keep up with things.  Now that my grandfather lives with us we have gone down to bi-weekly rather than weekly.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: rose red on September 18, 2013, 11:46:43 AM
My aunt criticizes me because I have a cleaning lady who comes once every week or two.  "In my day, we were proud to keep a nice, clean house and didn't pay someone to do the work"  Yes, and in your day, you were a stay at home mom and housewife, not a single woman who works 50 hours or so a week.  Why would I spend my precious free time doing something I hate, like cleaning, when I could be doing something I love, like gardening or my hobbies?

When I'm criticized  for paying someone to do things I "should" do myself, I tell them I'm giving someone a job to earn the money they need to put food on their table.  Yeah, try to make me feel guilty and you'll get some of it back >:D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 18, 2013, 12:20:26 PM
I've had people wonder why I don't hire someone to clean for me so I don't have to. 

I have a few reasons, really. 1) I'm a housewife/sahm so I'd feel lazy having someone to clean when I have the time to even if I hate doing it.  And 2) as much as I hate doing it, I just have kind of a hang-up about someone else cleaning it for me.  I blame the fact that my mother would come over and pick up a dust rag and clean the baseboards or windows and fuss at how dirty my house was even if it was mopped, vaccumed, dishes done, counters clean and wiped, etc. 

I also remember one time I grumbled about DH not helping me more around the house and at the time I was working 40 hours but to hear my mother talk, it didn't matter.  He worked hard (and I didn't?) and so shouldn't be expected to lift a finger when he got home, but once I walked in the door, I wasn't to do anything for myself besides eat until I went to bed.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lynn2000 on September 18, 2013, 12:37:47 PM
I think cleaning the house is one of those things that's terribly easy to induce guilt about. Once one of my co-workers was having some surgery (necessary but not emergency) and his parents were coming to stay with him while he recovered. For three days before their arrival he was in a frenzy cleaning his one-bedroom apartment to meet his mother's standards. I thought maybe he was just anxious about the surgery and was turning that into anxiety about his mother's disapproval of his cleanliness, so I tried to help by saying something about how it would be fine, they probably wouldn't even notice, we often see our own messes as worse than others see them, etc.. Nope. Truly, his mother had been a screaming harridan about housecleaning all through his childhood and he feared her wrath even at age 30, to the point that he was scrubbing and climbing and steaming even though he needed, you know, surgery.  :-\
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: magicdomino on September 18, 2013, 01:27:33 PM
I just sent out a Halloween party announcement to my opera club and remembered that my mother couldn't understand Halloween.  Granted, it wasn't celebrated in her native country while she still lived there but she thought that it was strictly for children and kept asking when I was going to outgrow it.

Never!  Never, I tell you!

 ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 18, 2013, 01:30:16 PM
Same here! I dress up to take my kids trick or treating! :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Twirly on September 18, 2013, 01:59:05 PM
I just sent out a Halloween party announcement to my opera club and remembered that my mother couldn't understand Halloween.  Granted, it wasn't celebrated in her native country while she still lived there but she thought that it was strictly for children and kept asking when I was going to outgrow it.

My dad is like that concerning anything superhero related. Every time my comic-obsessed bothers start waxing poetic about the latest superhero movie or who would win in a fight between Superman and Batman, he’ll sigh and ask when will they outgrow such childish interests. But when I ask my sports-obsessed father why it is less childish to dress up in his "costume", scream at the TV every Sunday about a game which he is not actually part of and have lengthy discussions with his friends about who would win in a match between player A vs. Player B he just kind of grumbles about it being different. Seems pretty similar to me...
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 18, 2013, 02:03:41 PM
... I dress up to take my kids trick or treating! :)

I have a suspicion that you dress up your kids so that they can take YOU trick or treating!   ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 18, 2013, 02:15:04 PM
... I dress up to take my kids trick or treating! :)

I have a suspicion that you dress up your kids so that they can take YOU trick or treating!   ;D

Who, moi?  ;D  I must admit, tis one of the perks of having a toddler now, as I still get several more years of trick or treating even when my older two decide to stop.  And when he grows out of it I'll still dress up to hand out candy. :)

DH said he thinks high school age is too old. I was TOT'ing even as a senior and unlike my friends who would just throw on old ratty clothes and go as "hobos" I still bothered to throw together a real costume. :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: rose red on September 18, 2013, 02:56:45 PM
Stories about parents thinking you're childish reminds me that my mother always have condescending remarks whenever I watch sitcoms that I watched as a kid, like The Brady Bunch and Happy Days.  So what?  It's comfort TV and I'm not hurting anyone.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Library Dragon on September 18, 2013, 04:37:10 PM
My aunt criticizes me because I have a cleaning lady who comes once every week or two.  "In my day, we were proud to keep a nice, clean house and didn't pay someone to do the work"  Yes, and in your day, you were a stay at home mom and housewife, not a single woman who works 50 hours or so a week.  Why would I spend my precious free time doing something I hate, like cleaning, when I could be doing something I love, like gardening or my hobbies?

I used to feel guilty too, but one day I was reading the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, and found a really interesting passage when Precious Ramotswe is thinking about hiring another person to clean her home.  It was her moral duty to hire  someone, because it provides work and keeps the economy moving etc. etc. etc. 

Yay!  ;D No more guilt!  ;D 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: nayberry on September 18, 2013, 05:16:44 PM
Stories about parents thinking you're childish reminds me that my mother always have condescending remarks whenever I watch sitcoms that I watched as a kid, like The Brady Bunch and Happy Days.  So what?  It's comfort TV and I'm not hurting anyone.

this!! a thousand times!!

i like daft shows, and comedies and cartoons,  food shows and sport.  last weekend we were watching nfl (important note, we are in the uk)  and having watched the Bears win! and then redzone for the later games, we switched channels to try and stay awake for the last game.  we set the timer on the tv so it would at least shut the screen off if we did doze off and not be on all night.
about 2am i heard someone go to the bathroom, and not long after that i fell asleep.
in the morning i got questioned as to why our tv was still on????????????   now i'm 34, hubby is 39, if we want to stay up and watch sport as neither has to get up early the next day we will!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: andi on September 18, 2013, 06:01:51 PM
Same here! I dress up to take my kids trick or treating! :)

Ditto!!  Not sure who looks forward to it more - Boo or me!  Totally dress up
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: kherbert05 on September 18, 2013, 06:43:36 PM
I had someone tell me I should mow my own postage stamp sized lawn. Well sorry it isn't worth the sinus infection.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on September 18, 2013, 06:47:41 PM
... I dress up to take my kids trick or treating! :)

I have a suspicion that you dress up your kids so that they can take YOU trick or treating!   ;D

Amen to that!  When the local Halloween parade was started about 25 years ago, it was stated that no adult could participate without a child in costume.   This led to some odd situations.  Mom would be dressed as a magnificent vampire.  Dad would have a perfect Roman centurian's outfit.  Baby would be rolled in a stroller.  The child would be wearing a hooded sleeper with cat whiskers painted on his or her face. That sufficed. 

It was also not unusual for a group of single adults to draft an older child from married friends who had several children. A typical group would include a young Luke Skywalker in his karate outfit and carrying a light sabre.  He'd be surrounded by several star troopers, a wookie or two and Princess Laia. Han Solo would also be in attendance. 

Halloween is a time to dress up and have fun. Age doesn't matter.  A good costume can be more satisfying than chocolate.       

 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 18, 2013, 06:51:12 PM
... I dress up to take my kids trick or treating! :)

I have a suspicion that you dress up your kids so that they can take YOU trick or treating!   ;D

Amen to that!  When the local Halloween parade was started about 25 years ago, it was stated that no adult could participate without a child in costume.   This led to some odd situations.  Mom would be dressed as a magnificent vampire.  Dad would have a perfect Roman centurian's outfit.  Baby would be rolled in a stroller.  The child would be wearing a hooded sleeper with cat whiskers painted on his or her face. That sufficed. 

It was also not unusual for a group of single adults to draft an older child from married friends who had several children. A typical group would include a young Luke Skywalker in his karate outfit and carrying a light sabre.  He'd be surrounded by several star troopers, a wookie or two and Princess Laia. Han Solo would also be in attendance. 

Halloween is a time to dress up and have fun. Age doesn't matter.  A good costume can be more satisfying than chocolate.

And the best part is ... it's Halloween!!  You can have both!   ;D     
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on September 18, 2013, 07:06:09 PM
I had someone tell me I should mow my own postage stamp sized lawn. Well sorry it isn't worth the sinus infection.
I'd hand over the scissors and reply brightly: "Thanks for offering! Enjoy!"

 >:D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 18, 2013, 07:11:52 PM
Our town has a Mummer's Parade! :)  They have it the last Saturday of October and it's a blast! :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: XRogue on September 18, 2013, 07:33:31 PM
About yards and maid service, there are too many to quote now so I will only say this. To me, such things fall under my flowchart on how to spend money. Simple, one step flowchart, goes like this:

"Is it worth it to me?"

It also makes a perfectly good one sentence response a' la' "Why would I want to do that?" etc.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: PastryGoddess on September 18, 2013, 07:35:08 PM
My aunt criticizes me because I have a cleaning lady who comes once every week or two.  "In my day, we were proud to keep a nice, clean house and didn't pay someone to do the work"  Yes, and in your day, you were a stay at home mom and housewife, not a single woman who works 50 hours or so a week.  Why would I spend my precious free time doing something I hate, like cleaning, when I could be doing something I love, like gardening or my hobbies?

I used to feel guilty too, but one day I was reading the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, and found a really interesting passage when Precious Ramotswe is thinking about hiring another person to clean her home.  It was her moral duty to hire  someone, because it provides work and keeps the economy moving etc. etc. etc. 

Yay!  ;D No more guilt!  ;D 

I love Precious
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Dazi on September 19, 2013, 06:17:02 AM
My aunt criticizes me because I have a cleaning lady who comes once every week or two.  "In my day, we were proud to keep a nice, clean house and didn't pay someone to do the work"  Yes, and in your day, you were a stay at home mom and housewife, not a single woman who works 50 hours or so a week.  Why would I spend my precious free time doing something I hate, like cleaning, when I could be doing something I love, like gardening or my hobbies?

I used to feel guilty too, but one day I was reading the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, and found a really interesting passage when Precious Ramotswe is thinking about hiring another person to clean her home.  It was her moral duty to hire  someone, because it provides work and keeps the economy moving etc. etc. etc. 

Yay!  ;D No more guilt!  ;D 

I love Precious

That is the best rationalization I've ever heard about having a cleaning lady.  I love it!  ;)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: BB-VA on September 19, 2013, 06:37:11 AM
Our town has a Mummer's Parade! :)  They have it the last Saturday of October and it's a blast! :)

It is indeed!  I got to march in it with my daughter's middle school band (us parents got a commendation for staying in step).

 Problem is, when you march, you don't get to see as much - but it was still lots of fun!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on September 19, 2013, 09:29:46 AM
I love Mummers.  On our last visit to Philadelphia we visited the Mummers Museum.  It was a hoot. 

One of the great things about reaching adulthood is that you CAN do innocent, things associated with childhood without being embarrassed.  Many of us here enjoy paper dolls, coloring books or super heroes.  Keeping a child-like view of the world is healthy and great fun. 

Dressing up for Halloween is one of the perks of living in a neighborhood with plenty of creative types. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: It's good to be Queen on September 19, 2013, 09:40:18 AM
Quote



Quote from: Library Dragon on Yesterday at 05:37:10 PM



Quote from: It's good to be Queen on Yesterday at 10:52:01 AM

My aunt criticizes me because I have a cleaning lady who comes once every week or two.  "In my day, we were proud to keep a nice, clean house and didn't pay someone to do the work"  Yes, and in your day, you were a stay at home mom and housewife, not a single woman who works 50 hours or so a week.  Why would I spend my precious free time doing something I hate, like cleaning, when I could be doing something I love, like gardening or my hobbies?




I used to feel guilty too, but one day I was reading the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, and found a really interesting passage when Precious Ramotswe is thinking about hiring another person to clean her home.  It was her moral duty to hire  someone, because it provides work and keeps the economy moving etc. etc. etc. 

Yay!  ;D No more guilt!  ;D 



I love Precious




today is the day my cleaning lady comes and it will be so nice to open my front door and see a clean house and get a that wonder whif of lemon pledge and floor polish.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: KenveeB on September 19, 2013, 10:36:23 AM
I love Mummers.  On our last visit to Philadelphia we visited the Mummers Museum.  It was a hoot. 

One of the great things about reaching adulthood is that you CAN do innocent, things associated with childhood without being embarrassed.  Many of us here enjoy paper dolls, coloring books or super heroes.  Keeping a child-like view of the world is healthy and great fun. 

Dressing up for Halloween is one of the perks of living in a neighborhood with plenty of creative types.

I always dress up to give out candy at Halloween. My dogs and I have matching costumes, and we sit out on the front lawn. Kids love us. :) I've already had a few people ask me if we've picked out our costumes yet for this year.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Asharah on September 19, 2013, 10:37:39 AM
I remember one of those "Life In The United States" stories in Reader's Digest, where the new cleaning lady had just finished right before teenaged son and his buddies arrived home from school and left a trail of outerwear, backpacks and gym bags all through the house on the way to the kitchen where they made snacks and another mess. Mom asks cleaning lady if she's coming back next week,  she says she will as long as Mom doesn't tell anybody she's their housecleaner.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 19, 2013, 11:06:33 AM
I work as a volunteer at a camp. For the Cub Scout Halloween weekends, we get to dress up, march in the parade, participate in the contests and I watch kids make crafts. It is awesome!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Hmmmmm on September 19, 2013, 11:30:30 AM
I think cleaning the house is one of those things that's terribly easy to induce guilt about. Once one of my co-workers was having some surgery (necessary but not emergency) and his parents were coming to stay with him while he recovered. For three days before their arrival he was in a frenzy cleaning his one-bedroom apartment to meet his mother's standards. I thought maybe he was just anxious about the surgery and was turning that into anxiety about his mother's disapproval of his cleanliness, so I tried to help by saying something about how it would be fine, they probably wouldn't even notice, we often see our own messes as worse than others see them, etc.. Nope. Truly, his mother had been a screaming harridan about housecleaning all through his childhood and he feared her wrath even at age 30, to the point that he was scrubbing and climbing and steaming even though he needed, you know, surgery.  :-\

Well, I obviously wasn't enough of a screaming harridan with my DD. She's a freshmen at college and DH and I went up to see her this past weekend for parent's weekend. Her dorm is not typical. She shares it with 3 girls and they have a common sitting area and share 2 bathrooms but they each have their own bedrooms. She's been there for 5 weeks and her room still had trash from when we helped move her in. Clothes every where, empty drink containers, tissues on the floor where she applies makeup. She said she didn't have time to clean up. Within 10 minutes I'd filled 3 bags of trash, made her bed and hung her clothes with DH standing there the entire time saying "just leave it, it's her mess" and DD having that smug "I knew you'd clean it for me look".

And can you believe one of her roommates mom's was doing the exact same thing?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mbbored on September 19, 2013, 11:50:34 AM
Stories about parents thinking you're childish reminds me that my mother always have condescending remarks whenever I watch sitcoms that I watched as a kid, like The Brady Bunch and Happy Days.  So what?  It's comfort TV and I'm not hurting anyone.

You should hear my mother go on about the fact that my sister and I read *gasp* romance novels. What's wrong with some light escapism?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 19, 2013, 04:16:09 PM
My  mother loves to criticize my poor dad for enjoying "Wheel of Fortune".  He's a very intellectual guy, so I think she thinks a silly game show is "beneath" him.    She also gets mad when he spends time playing games on the computer - why, I have no idea.

Edited to add:  re housekeepers - I mentioned a while back that ours is on vacation until October.  Last night my teenage daughters said "Do we HAVE to have Christa come back?  It's not like she really does anything."  I raised an eyebrow and said "Are you serious?   She works for 4-5 hours every Thursday, and I can tell you she ain't spending that time watching soaps and eating bon-bons."  They may not notice any difference to the house, but my husband and I sure do.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Chip2 on September 19, 2013, 04:20:06 PM
Me [after a long day of vacation driving]:  hey, mom. We stopped for the night and are in [hotel]. We just had a huge dinner and I insisted the boys immediately go swimming.
ChipMom:   >:(
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 19, 2013, 04:37:30 PM
Hee hee.  That reminds me of Seinfeld saying that he called his mother and said "Hey, Mom?  It's 4:30 p.m. and I just ate an entire bag of cookies.  That's right - I RUINED my dinner!"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 19, 2013, 06:01:51 PM
I frequently ruin my dinner, let my son swim just after eating, and eat dessert first.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: aiki on September 19, 2013, 06:24:29 PM

Edited to add:  re housekeepers - I mentioned a while back that ours is on vacation until October.  Last night my teenage daughters said "Do we HAVE to have Christa come back?  It's not like she really does anything."  I raised an eyebrow and said "Are you serious?   She works for 4-5 hours every Thursday, and I can tell you she ain't spending that time watching soaps and eating bon-bons."  They may not notice any difference to the house, but my husband and I sure do.

You should get your daughters to take over Christa's duties in the interim (and pay them, if they do a good job). Sounds like it's about time they got a heads-up on what is actually involved in running a household, and their future roommates will thank you for it. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on September 19, 2013, 06:24:43 PM
Ah, RUINING your Dinner!  I can hear my mother channeling my grandmother on that one. 

During the Depression, Mom and her siblings always had enough to eat at home but, kids will be kids.  She and her friends would steal potatoes from produce trucks and take them to the swamp that later became the town athletic field.  There, they'd build a small campfire with stolen matches and feast on roast potatoes after school.  Somehow,  one of the kids always had a secret stash of salt.

This is the same woman who met my father in the back of a pick-up truck on New Year's Eve.  She was also the one who was gravely worried that enjoying 'The Doors' and 'The Stones' meant I wouldn't be a proper lady. 

Sometimes, you have to love the generation gap. 




Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: kherbert05 on September 19, 2013, 09:55:38 PM
Me [after a long day of vacation driving]:  hey, mom. We stopped for the night and are in [hotel]. We just had a huge dinner and I insisted the boys immediately go swimming.
ChipMom:   >:(
Last year Nurse posted a list of summer myths. One was about the not swimming for 1/2 - 1 hour after eating. She said it was a myth that you would drown because all your blood would go to your tummy to digest the food and you would get cramps in our arms and legs.
/
I looked at her and said are you serious.


She said yes


I said - In my family the rule is you rest for 1/2 - 1 hour after a big meal to avoid unpleasant reaction of full tummy + heat + motion = sick. We were allowed to paddle around but not body surf, water ski, jump off the diving board and swim under water to the shallow end for 1/2 hour or so.  We always ate a big lunch when we swam because it was lots of exercise and we were starving.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on September 20, 2013, 10:46:00 AM
My mom always insisted I eat while I was swimming. She would seriously pull me out of the pool, make me eat a snack, and then go back to swimming. Because swimming makes you hungry and hunger in my family is something that must be stopped before it ever starts. To do this day, I have to bring snacks with me when I go to the pool.

My mom does go on and on about TV shows I watch. Usually when I watch the original 90210 (I have the first four season on DVD), she'll go on about how "You didn't even watch this when it was first on"...yeah...cause I was 5. To me it's one of those kind of goofy shows you watch and go...this was really a thing? Just good mindless TV. She always thinks I need to "challenge" myself more. Then she'll pick on me for watching a PBS special or listing to classical music. Make. Up. Your. Mind. By the way, she DVRs General Hospital (now that she has a DVR)...I mean so do I...but if we wanna talk mindless TV...

She also doesn't get why I won't let me dogs eat table scraps or give them anything off my plate when they beg. Because if you give a dog something while they're begging...they'll keep begging! If you ignore them, they give up (especially mine). Also, a lot of scraps aren't good for them. I'll fix them some scrambled eggs, or some ground meat once in a while as treat, but no I'm not feeding them my pizza crust. She thinks it's "not a big deal", but I'm kind of picky about what they do and don't eat. We had a dog who ate almost exactly what we ate, she lived to be 19, so my mom's point is they'll be fine. However, she was very, very overweight, and she was just a bit taller then my two (she was I think 45lbs..and she was corgi/terrier mix), it's very easy for little dogs to become overweight. That's one of the many reasons we're careful about what they eat.

I worry about the dog thing, cause I see her being the same way with my future kid(s). She wants me to give the dogs a treat when they start barking to distract them. Of course that teaches bark=treat. She's kind of the same way with kids. Upset? Here's ice cream to feel better. I want to make sure my kid(s) have better food habits and not teach them to eat to deal with their emotions.

My hope is she remember's what a pain my grandma was to her when I was little (always convinced I was about to drop dead...smoked around me my entire life...cause that makes sense), and curbs her own need to be....helpful.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 21, 2013, 08:05:07 AM
Not so much a criticism of me but one of other people that I'm sure was made for me to take heed of.

My parents were the first of their group of friends to have kids, and one of the friends used to take me walking along the beach as the whole "cute guy with a cute baby" bait for hot girls.   Well apparently he found one, and once they got married, according to my mother, she "let herself go".   My mother had a real problem with this and was always telling me a woman had to stay attractive throughout the marriage or she'd lose her husband's interest.

The year DH and I moved back from California, I weighed a bit more than mom thought I should.  My middle son was then 18 months old and while I'd lost a good amount of the pregnancy weight, it wasn't all gone and both she and my father were after me to lose it lose it lose it!  I had to be attractive for my husband!  ::)

Funny thing is when I did get slim enough for them to be happy, DH thought I was too thin.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Tini on September 21, 2013, 10:33:21 AM
My back is too broad, apparently. I also shouldn't have' let it hang out so much' that I was clever and I would have had more boyfriends. Oh, and apparently my basement looks like a robber's cave. Who tidies up their basement when they have visitors coming, I ask you?

The second one really chapped my hide. I don't like people who are all 'ooh, I'm so much smarter than you', either (who does), but how on earth can you have a relationship if you are supposed to permanently hide large chunks of your personality? I'm a mathematician, for deity's sake. So I ignored my mother and married someone who I could share my interests with and liked all those things about me.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: andi on September 21, 2013, 11:36:02 AM
Oh, and apparently my basement looks like a robber's cave. Who tidies up their basement when they have visitors coming, I ask you?

Isn't that what basements are for?  To store Ll the stiff you don't want people to see?  I know that's why I miss mine!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Tini on September 21, 2013, 02:44:55 PM
Oh, and apparently my basement looks like a robber's cave. Who tidies up their basement when they have visitors coming, I ask you?

Isn't that what basements are for?  To store Ll the stiff you don't want people to see?  I know that's why I miss mine!

That's what I thought andi. The problem is that to get to my garden, you have to go through my basement. They were going to see something in the garden and walked through there.

Still no excuse for the comment, though, especially coming from my parents who used to get so upset at the snarky comments my gran made about crumbs under our sofa cushions. Not the same thing, it seems.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Betelnut on September 21, 2013, 03:58:34 PM
When I finally got up the nerve to tell my parents that I was adopting a child as a single person, they were, in general, supportive but surprised of course.  My Dad (who was concerned about the monetary aspect) said to me, "She is going to be an albatross around your neck."

That really hurt and I still remember the comment years later.  He adores my daughter but still...
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: rain on September 21, 2013, 07:54:50 PM
I just remembered - my DM has criticized me before because I enjoy cooking

picture the holidays & I'm making special dishes from scratch - she thinks I spend too much time in the kitchen and she'd rather I spent some of that time with her chatting (we have a smallish kitchen and there's not really room for 2 people ... DH & I learend the hard way)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 21, 2013, 08:17:46 PM
When I finally got up the nerve to tell my parents that I was adopting a child as a single person, they were, in general, supportive but surprised of course.  My Dad (who was concerned about the monetary aspect) said to me, "She is going to be an albatross around your neck."

That really hurt and I still remember the comment years later.  He adores my daughter but still...

I think I'd have been so startled at that comment that I might have asked, "Is that how you felt about me, Dad?"   :(
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TootsNYC on September 21, 2013, 09:33:08 PM
. . .I don't like people who are all 'ooh, I'm so much smarter than you', either (who does), but how on earth can you have a relationship if you are supposed to permanently hide large chunks of your personality? I'm a mathematician, for deity's sake. So I ignored my mother and married someone who I could share my interests with and liked all those things about me.

Yeah, I always thought you were SUPPOSED to make sure the guys knew about all your smarts, quirks, etc. Because it saves time. If they don't like that, they won't ask you out, and you won't have to spend your precious hours on dates with guys who are just going to dump you once they get to know you.

On the first date, I *never* tried to make a good impression. I tried to make an *accurate* impression.

I always tried to be the most concentrated, intense form of me there is on the first date, because if he was going to be turned off or scared off, I wanted him out of the way early. I have better things to do than date guys for practice!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: PastryGoddess on September 21, 2013, 09:50:28 PM
. . .I don't like people who are all 'ooh, I'm so much smarter than you', either (who does), but how on earth can you have a relationship if you are supposed to permanently hide large chunks of your personality? I'm a mathematician, for deity's sake. So I ignored my mother and married someone who I could share my interests with and liked all those things about me.

Yeah, I always thought you were SUPPOSED to make sure the guys knew about all your smarts, quirks, etc. Because it saves time. If they don't like that, they won't ask you out, and you won't have to spend your precious hours on dates with guys who are just going to dump you once they get to know you.

On the first date, I *never* tried to make a good impression. I tried to make an *accurate* impression.

I always tried to be the most concentrated, intense form of me there is on the first date, because if he was going to be turned off or scared off, I wanted him out of the way early. I have better things to do than date guys for practice!

I'm so glad to see that there are plenty of people like me out there.  I have no use for slowly revealing my personality anymore.  When you go out with me I'm going to be ME, not who I think the guy wants me to be.  I can't hide my true personality for too long, so I might as well put it out there :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Kaymyth on September 21, 2013, 11:41:34 PM
. . .I don't like people who are all 'ooh, I'm so much smarter than you', either (who does), but how on earth can you have a relationship if you are supposed to permanently hide large chunks of your personality? I'm a mathematician, for deity's sake. So I ignored my mother and married someone who I could share my interests with and liked all those things about me.

Yeah, I always thought you were SUPPOSED to make sure the guys knew about all your smarts, quirks, etc. Because it saves time. If they don't like that, they won't ask you out, and you won't have to spend your precious hours on dates with guys who are just going to dump you once they get to know you.

On the first date, I *never* tried to make a good impression. I tried to make an *accurate* impression.

I always tried to be the most concentrated, intense form of me there is on the first date, because if he was going to be turned off or scared off, I wanted him out of the way early. I have better things to do than date guys for practice!

I'm so glad to see that there are plenty of people like me out there.  I have no use for slowly revealing my personality anymore.  When you go out with me I'm going to be ME, not who I think the guy wants me to be.  I can't hide my true personality for too long, so I might as well put it out there :)

This!  There are reasons why my first date with my husband involved me in a corseted fairy costume, katanas, and pumpkins flying through the air.  (It helped that it was the day after Halloween.)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: aiki on September 22, 2013, 02:24:32 AM

This!  There are reasons why my first date with my husband involved me in a corseted fairy costume, katanas, and pumpkins flying through the air.  (It helped that it was the day after Halloween.)

Live action Fruit Ninja (vegetable edition)?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Tini on September 22, 2013, 05:00:43 AM
. . .I don't like people who are all 'ooh, I'm so much smarter than you', either (who does), but how on earth can you have a relationship if you are supposed to permanently hide large chunks of your personality? I'm a mathematician, for deity's sake. So I ignored my mother and married someone who I could share my interests with and liked all those things about me.

Yeah, I always thought you were SUPPOSED to make sure the guys knew about all your smarts, quirks, etc. Because it saves time. If they don't like that, they won't ask you out, and you won't have to spend your precious hours on dates with guys who are just going to dump you once they get to know you.

On the first date, I *never* tried to make a good impression. I tried to make an *accurate* impression.

I always tried to be the most concentrated, intense form of me there is on the first date, because if he was going to be turned off or scared off, I wanted him out of the way early. I have better things to do than date guys for practice!

Precisely. I agree with you so much. After the amount of trouble I got into for being a clever-clogs in school and realizing that I'd actually started hiding my brains in situations where it was damaging for me (job interview!), I decided that the last place I wanted that dynamic in was my private life.
My first 'date' with my husband was him helping me with Assembler programming. From there, our conversation swerved to the contents of my bookshelves. Nearly twenty years later, we still haven't run out of things to talk about.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Tini on September 22, 2013, 05:03:17 AM
. . .I don't like people who are all 'ooh, I'm so much smarter than you', either (who does), but how on earth can you have a relationship if you are supposed to permanently hide large chunks of your personality? I'm a mathematician, for deity's sake. So I ignored my mother and married someone who I could share my interests with and liked all those things about me.

Yeah, I always thought you were SUPPOSED to make sure the guys knew about all your smarts, quirks, etc. Because it saves time. If they don't like that, they won't ask you out, and you won't have to spend your precious hours on dates with guys who are just going to dump you once they get to know you.

On the first date, I *never* tried to make a good impression. I tried to make an *accurate* impression.

I always tried to be the most concentrated, intense form of me there is on the first date, because if he was going to be turned off or scared off, I wanted him out of the way early. I have better things to do than date guys for practice!

I'm so glad to see that there are plenty of people like me out there.  I have no use for slowly revealing my personality anymore.  When you go out with me I'm going to be ME, not who I think the guy wants me to be.  I can't hide my true personality for too long, so I might as well put it out there :)

This!  There are reasons why my first date with my husband involved me in a corseted fairy costume, katanas, and pumpkins flying through the air.  (It helped that it was the day after Halloween.)

That... sounds AWESOME!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: BB-VA on September 22, 2013, 05:40:58 AM

This!  There are reasons why my first date with my husband involved me in a corseted fairy costume, katanas, and pumpkins flying through the air.  (It helped that it was the day after Halloween.)

Live action Fruit Ninja (vegetable edition)?

You did get this on video, right? 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Dazi on September 22, 2013, 06:43:46 AM
When I finally got up the nerve to tell my parents that I was adopting a child as a single person, they were, in general, supportive but surprised of course.  My Dad (who was concerned about the monetary aspect) said to me, "She is going to be an albatross around your neck."

That really hurt and I still remember the comment years later.  He adores my daughter but still...

My DH and I don't have any children as of yet.  My mother told me we should reconsider ever having children because "Having kids will ruin your life".  Well gee, thanks mom, it's really nice to know how you really feel about me.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: andi on September 22, 2013, 07:39:23 AM
. . .I don't like people who are all 'ooh, I'm so much smarter than you', either (who does), but how on earth can you have a relationship if you are supposed to permanently hide large chunks of your personality? I'm a mathematician, for deity's sake. So I ignored my mother and married someone who I could share my interests with and liked all those things about me.

Yeah, I always thought you were SUPPOSED to make sure the guys knew about all your smarts, quirks, etc. Because it saves time. If they don't like that, they won't ask you out, and you won't have to spend your precious hours on dates with guys who are just going to dump you once they get to know you.

On the first date, I *never* tried to make a good impression. I tried to make an *accurate* impression.

I always tried to be the most concentrated, intense form of me there is on the first date, because if he was going to be turned off or scared off, I wanted him out of the way early. I have better things to do than date guys for practice!

I'm so glad to see that there are plenty of people like me out there.  I have no use for slowly revealing my personality anymore.  When you go out with me I'm going to be ME, not who I think the guy wants me to be.  I can't hide my true personality for too long, so I might as well put it out there :)

Amen.  After a bad ending to a three year relationship I though was going swimmingly - I met my now hubby. Our first long phone call (after our first date) was three hours long. There was no way I was investing any more time than that with some one who didn't "get" me - or vice versa
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: RegionMom on September 22, 2013, 08:26:06 AM
Oh, that three hours call reminded me of this one-

my senior year of HS was bad, I do not remember most of it.  I still got good grades, was working part time, no drugs or even a boyfriend, but I (now I assume) was depressed. 

I was not even thinking of college- I could barely do the next day.

An honors teacher asked me where I had applied to school. 
"Nowhere."

He physically walked me to the guidance office and looked over the display of college brochures and applications.  He said, "try here, maybe here, and...here.  Let me know when you are done."

I applied,writing my own check for the application fees, and that next day or so I told mom.

"Did you spend at least three hours with the course catalog?"
"no."
"Then you chose the wrong college."

That was the only conversation I had about college with my mom.

I WAS accepted, (tuition was paid via a family insurance policy) and now, over 20 years later, it was still the right choice for me.  That ONE teacher knew me better, and knew what I needed.  College was where I "found myself" and realized I did have friends, could be responsible, and be ok.

Thanks, Mr. L!!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Snooks on September 22, 2013, 11:52:33 AM
Not so much a criticism but my mum just cannot grasp that I do not have any friends.  I don't know if she didn't notice that during the 25 years I lived at home I didn't go out and has blocked out the hours and hours of hysterical crying over my inability to fit into a group of friends but she seems convinced that I'm little miss social when actually I spend most evenings at home watching tv, surfing the net and playing Animal Crossing.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 22, 2013, 12:36:41 PM
Not my parents, but my best friend (childhood bf that is) told me that the reason I didn't have a boyfriend was because I didn't bother hiding that I was smart and I should stop using big words and act dumb now and then.

I remember looking at her and feeling a mix of things.  I mean this girl used to get straight A's whereas I struggled in school (though I did love to read) so I had seen her as being smarter than I was and just couldn't get why she'd want to hide that. It also annoyed me as heck, I used to wish I was as smart as she was and she was wasting it by acting stupid to attract boys?

But I also thought that well if she was right and boys were only interested in girls dumber than themselves, boyfriends were overrated and it was sad that she felt she had to act dumb in order to get a boy, but I wasn't going to dumb myself down.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: #borecore on September 22, 2013, 01:54:54 PM
"Don't walk like that" -- when I have (very, very slightly) crooked hips. My mother was pretty sure I was just walking slightly off kilter just to bother her.

"Don't eat like that" -- I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to "eat like," but my mom decided I had to eat next to her rather than across from her at all times so she wouldn't have to look at me

"Your legs are too skinny" "Your thighs are too fat" "Your belly's too fat" "Why are you so skinny?" "You're going to get flabby arms some day, too, so don't be too happy with them being skinny now." "Your breasts are too big." -- turns out she thought she was being funny (I was VERY SKINNY as a kid, but my body image was all kinds of messed up because I had no idea how to take her conflicting messages; later, she was slightly jealous that I "developed" in ways she never did.)

"Don't slump. Pull your shoulders back or you'll get scoliosis like your aunt." "Don't stick your chest out!" -- My dad was a little off on his biology, too

"Cut straighter. You're a terrible cutter." -- those lefty safety scissors don't make it any easier, folks, particularly when you're lacking in depth perception. Also, this is really unimportant, but it was a HUGE focus for my parents for some reason.

"Why are you so much like your father?" "Why are you so much like your father's sister?" "Why are you so much like (other family members on father's side)?" There's this thing called genes, and I really wouldn't have preferred to resemble my dad's family so, but that's just how these things happen sometimes.

Pretty much everything I did or didn't do with regard to building friendships was open season, as were things like my skincare routine, which I'm pretty sure will NEVER be good enough, even if I'm following the advice of a half-dozen doctors and dermatologists I've seen over the years (for whom the right answer is not always "more Clearasil!").

My mom just wanted us to be better at life than she'd been, and we've mostly cleared up our issues, but she sure had a LOT of things to complain about when it came to me as a child, and dozens more to add to the pile once I became a teenager.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Elfmama on September 22, 2013, 07:05:53 PM
When I graduated from high school and wanted to study astronomy, I was told that "girls don't study science," and that I should be a teacher or a nurse.  While I admire both of those professions, I absolutely am not emotionally suited to either of them. 

My mother was always telling me, "Put that book down and go do something!"  She wasn't a reader, and apparently felt that reading wasn't doing anything.

But don't nurses have to study science?  :o Or are chemistry and biology on some sort of "acceptable sciences for girls" list.
Oh, no.  Nurses in parents' fantasy land only take temperatures and dispense pills and wrangle bedpans.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: BB-VA on September 22, 2013, 07:09:30 PM
When I graduated from high school and wanted to study astronomy, I was told that "girls don't study science," and that I should be a teacher or a nurse.  While I admire both of those professions, I absolutely am not emotionally suited to either of them. 

My mother was always telling me, "Put that book down and go do something!"  She wasn't a reader, and apparently felt that reading wasn't doing anything.

But don't nurses have to study science?  :o Or are chemistry and biology on some sort of "acceptable sciences for girls" list.
Oh, no.  Nurses in parents' fantasy land only take temperatures and dispense pills and wrangle bedpans.

And marry rich doctors.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Elfmama on September 22, 2013, 08:25:39 PM
I've heard the same thing; I don't flirt either.  I refuse to put myself in any situation that could make a fool out of me.

As to comparing a temporary tattoo to offering drugs, that is completely over the top.
What, you never heard the one about how chewing gum leads to bearing illegitimate children?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Joeschmo on September 22, 2013, 09:02:12 PM
I've heard the same thing; I don't flirt either.  I refuse to put myself in any situation that could make a fool out of me.

As to comparing a temporary tattoo to offering drugs, that is completely over the top.

Off topic but this might be worth reconsidering.  Some of my best times have been had while making a fool of myself.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 22, 2013, 09:36:00 PM
My mother also criticized my generosity.  She always said that everyone will take advantage of me.  She was desperate to make me feel stupid.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: baglady on September 22, 2013, 09:52:50 PM
A few years ago I had a temporary clerical gig at a college that had a lot of nursing majors -- the majority of the degrees they conferred were in nursing. I gained a huge respect for nurses just by skimming the transcripts and such that I was processing. A nursing degree requires a lot of knowledge of biology, anatomy and physiology -- more science than my liberal arts bachelor's/journalism master's self could ever dream of getting through.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Kaymyth on September 22, 2013, 11:25:40 PM

This!  There are reasons why my first date with my husband involved me in a corseted fairy costume, katanas, and pumpkins flying through the air.  (It helped that it was the day after Halloween.)

Live action Fruit Ninja (vegetable edition)?

You did get this on video, right?

It's called Pumpkin Katana Baseball, and it happens every 3-4 years.  No video, but there are pictures of both times it's come around.  It's the most fun anyone has ever had chopping jack-o-lanterns into mulch.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: shadowfox79 on September 23, 2013, 02:08:16 AM
Not so much a criticism but my mum just cannot grasp that I do not have any friends.  I don't know if she didn't notice that during the 25 years I lived at home I didn't go out and has blocked out the hours and hours of hysterical crying over my inability to fit into a group of friends but she seems convinced that I'm little miss social when actually I spend most evenings at home watching tv, surfing the net and playing Animal Crossing.

Funnily enough, mine were the opposite. I was never Miss Popular in school, but I was always part of a group, yet my dad liked to have loud conversations with my mum about why I didn't have any friends (or "many friends", sometimes).
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Kariachi on September 23, 2013, 10:04:33 AM
Three things my father has said that will never leave me:

1) "That's why no one likes you!" Yelled at me out of the blue while I was eating a Reese's (I freeze them, peel off and eat the chocolate, then eat the peanut butter)

2) I can't remember the exact words, but he once yelled at me about how horrible we kids were for not cooking dinner for our mother on their anniversary (he picked me up from college on his way home, we got there to find my mom finishing making dinner, I was physically incapable of making it for her)

3) "Stop acting like you're having a panic attack." Yes dad, because Lord knows I always break down into tears, shake, and storm away from people. I'm sorry, I'm not about to keep driving when you're telling me how I'm screwing up and a voice in my head is telling me that if I just drive into that building/tree then I'll probably die and not have to worry about being a failure anymore.


He did end up apologizing for 2, and we did discuss 3 (yes, I know you want me to improve, driving me into an emotional breakdown isn't how you do it).

Things my mom has said that will stick with me:

1) "Well, if you spent more time downstairs this wouldn't be a problem." After my sister cussed me out and locked me out of the house once she found out that, instead of being downstairs and ignoring her asking for help in the kitchen like she'd thought, I'd been upstairs watching tv and hadn't heard her. Somehow my mother just couldn't understand that I go upstairs for a reason, and that reason is mostly to avoid them. And especially to avoid my sister's temper tantrums. Because apparently if I just stick around so my sister can call me worthless and a [cuss] and talk about how horrible I am and always have been, then she'll stop doing it.


Thankfully she's calmed down a bit since she started working and moved out.

And yet my family wonders why I have an anxiety disorder that gets triggered by the possibility of screwing up or looking stupid.  :-\
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TootsNYC on September 23, 2013, 10:15:54 AM
Quote
1) "That's why no one likes you!" Yelled at me out of the blue while I was eating a Reese's (I freeze them, peel off and eat the chocolate, then eat the peanut butter)


*I* will like you--that's how I eat them too!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Kariachi on September 23, 2013, 12:27:18 PM
Quote
1) "That's why no one likes you!" Yelled at me out of the blue while I was eating a Reese's (I freeze them, peel off and eat the chocolate, then eat the peanut butter)


*I* will like you--that's how I eat them too!

It was ridiculous! I'm sorry but I grew up with the "There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's" campaign. If the people that make and sell them say you can't eat them wrong, you can't eat them wrong.

What's even worse is he said this to me four months after we'd moved into the house we're in now. So he stopped to tell his teenage daughter, who had been in a position to talk to other people her age for only a month and had a history of being bullied by both other kids and adults, that no one liked her and it was because she didn't eat her chocolates right!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 23, 2013, 12:27:47 PM
Kariachi  ~~  It sounds like you're still living at home.  I'm glad your sister and "things" have calmed down since she moved out, but honestly it sounds like you would benefit from moving out too. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Hillia on September 23, 2013, 12:29:54 PM
DH's dad was a difficult man to grow up with.  Lots of mean spirited 'teasing', heavy hand with the belt, 'playful' wrestling matches that turned painful in the blink of an eye.  As adults, his sons tried to talk to him about some of the things from their childhood.  His response?  'Well, you boys didn't make it easier on me'.  Yeah, because children have a responsibility to be easy to raise!  (And for the record, neither of them were rebellious or otherwise hard to handle; just normal kids trying to do what their parents wanted).
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 23, 2013, 12:31:37 PM
Ah ... I see by your most recent post that you are a teenager, so my suggestion that maybe you should move out isn't practical or realistic for you right now. 

Just remember that other people DO like you, regardless of how you eat your Reese's peanut butter cup!  That was, frankly, an odd (to the point of being bizarre) thing to say in response to a method of eating candy.  Now perhaps he meant that he didn't like you at that moment  -- because you didn't share with him!   ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 23, 2013, 01:06:53 PM
"That Kariachi - she's sweet, funny, and nice, but have you SEEN how she eats Reese's?   She is now my sworn enemy for life!"

For the record, I used to love to eat them that way.  I haven't done so in years.   Time for a shopping trip!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Library Dragon on September 23, 2013, 01:16:31 PM
The reading too much issue was also an issue for me.  As many teens do I preferred to be in my bedroom.  My mother would yell at me for reading too much and not being in the living room watching TV with the family.  Watching TV was always a yelling fight, my step-father pontificating that what ever show we were watching was wrong and he knew better, and criticizing us for believing the Wild Kingdom narrator or what ever other show was on.  I was much happier reading in my room. 

Ironically, I was painfully shy in my dealings with people, but I was in drama at high school (improv bad--memorized lines good).  So, I was often learning lines.  It doesn't work well in a room of screaming, crying people. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Asharah on September 23, 2013, 03:06:51 PM
Ah ... I see by your most recent post that you are a teenager, so my suggestion that maybe you should move out isn't practical or realistic for you right now. 

Just remember that other people DO like you, regardless of how you eat your Reese's peanut butter cup!  That was, frankly, an odd (to the point of being bizarre) thing to say in response to a method of eating candy.  Now perhaps he meant that he didn't like you at that moment  -- because you didn't share with him!   ;D
Actually, her profile says she's 23
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cami on September 23, 2013, 03:20:00 PM
My late and unlamented MIL criticized me early on for, well, existing, but her first open criticism started after eavesdropping on a conversation between me and then BF. About.... going to the movies.

BG: My dh and I have never agreed on the movies. In fact, the first time he asked me out, I turned him down because he wanted to take me to a horror movie and I hate them. He asked me out again to a different activity and I said, yes. Rest is history...except 30+ years later we still don't agree on movies. So I go to "my" movies with other people and he goes to "his" movies with other people. Whatever, right? Except....

Back to the "incident".  Dh and I are discussing movies. He once again wants to go to a horror movie. I decline. We decide to go bowling instead. Dh leaves the room to do something and  my MIL pops out of the other room, grabs my arm in a death grip and hauls me into the pantry to "have a talking to." She proceeds to give me "helpful advice" which consists of:

1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Elfmama on September 23, 2013, 03:22:45 PM
1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Sounds like your MIL was exceedingly eager to unload her son on any woman who would take him...
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Kariachi on September 23, 2013, 03:26:52 PM
Ah ... I see by your most recent post that you are a teenager, so my suggestion that maybe you should move out isn't practical or realistic for you right now. 

Just remember that other people DO like you, regardless of how you eat your Reese's peanut butter cup!  That was, frankly, an odd (to the point of being bizarre) thing to say in response to a method of eating candy.  Now perhaps he meant that he didn't like you at that moment  -- because you didn't share with him!   ;D
Actually, her profile says she's 23

23, just in that unenviable position of being unemployed in an area where you're over/underqualified for everything, have no references, and no money to move elsewhere where there are more applicable jobs.

Thankfully, I did just get a deal doing housekeeping for a neighbor once a week or so, so hey.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Chip2 on September 23, 2013, 03:39:58 PM
Since things have taken a bit of a turn to the grimmer side....

Way too many things my father said to me about my behavior, activities, and potential future. To the extent that
- I gave him the cut direct when I was 12. Yes, twelve.
- My parenting style has been 'What would my father do in this situation? So let's try the opposite approach.' (My brother tried calling me out on this once; my response was 'My kids still talk to me.'
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cami on September 23, 2013, 04:04:22 PM
1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Sounds like your MIL was exceedingly eager to unload her son on any woman who would take him...
Actually, no. That's the weird part. NO woman was good enough for her son. And yet, here she was encouraging me to deceive him to "win" him.  My MIL was a bundle of contradictions. Often within the same sentence.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 23, 2013, 04:59:31 PM
1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Sounds like your MIL was exceedingly eager to unload her son on any woman who would take him...
Actually, no. That's the weird part. NO woman was good enough for her son. And yet, here she was encouraging me to deceive him to "win" him.  My MIL was a bundle of contradictions. Often within the same sentence.

I can't help but wonder if she raised him to have those expectations?  That he should only consider a girl/woman who totally agreed with everything he said and would do anything he suggested, regardless of her own wants and needs?

In other words, she raised him to be so lacking in self confidence that he couldn't survive if someone dared not totally agree with him 100% of the time?  Did she even have a clue as to what that said about her as a mother?  Then telling you how to trick him.  The mind.  It boggles.   :-\
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: andi on September 23, 2013, 06:01:08 PM
Since things have taken a bit of a turn to the grimmer side....

Way too many things my father said to me about my behavior, activities, and potential future. To the extent that
- I gave him the cut direct when I was 12. Yes, twelve.
- My parenting style has been 'What would my father do in this situation? So let's try the opposite approach.' (My brother tried calling me out on this once; my response was 'My kids still talk to me.'

A friend of mine had a very messed p childhood anther parenting style is the same as yours - what would my parents have done?  Do opposite. She's now raised one awesome young man
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Betelnut on September 23, 2013, 06:09:00 PM
When I finally got up the nerve to tell my parents that I was adopting a child as a single person, they were, in general, supportive but surprised of course.  My Dad (who was concerned about the monetary aspect) said to me, "She is going to be an albatross around your neck."

That really hurt and I still remember the comment years later.  He adores my daughter but still...

I think I'd have been so startled at that comment that I might have asked, "Is that how you felt about me, Dad?"   :(

I know, I know!  <sheesh Dad!>
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 23, 2013, 07:25:26 PM
Since things have taken a bit of a turn to the grimmer side....

Way too many things my father said to me about my behavior, activities, and potential future. To the extent that
- I gave him the cut direct when I was 12. Yes, twelve.
- My parenting style has been 'What would my father do in this situation? So let's try the opposite approach.' (My brother tried calling me out on this once; my response was 'My kids still talk to me.'

A friend of mine had a very messed p childhood anther parenting style is the same as yours - what would my parents have done?  Do opposite. She's now raised one awesome young man

That's kind of the same philosophy I use.  Though as an adult when I see my kids doing some of the same things I did (forgetting to turn homework in or forgetting assignments) I can definitely get the frustration, but the difference is, I do not yell, scream or insult their intelligence.  Though I do admit sometimes there's a heavy sigh and a roll of the eyes, but that seems to be enough at least with my eldest.   

I do have a bit of a temper but I also have learned to manage it.  I don't want my kids afraid of me, or afraid to tell me anything.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 23, 2013, 11:21:05 PM
1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Sounds like your MIL was exceedingly eager to unload her son on any woman who would take him...

Or must use GWTW as relationship advice.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: atirial on September 24, 2013, 04:58:56 AM
Working with charities/non-profits: apparently I'm "too young to be doing that sort of thing." I've had grey hair for ten years, now. I'm not that young.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 24, 2013, 05:15:56 AM
I can just imagine how my mother would react to my upcoming volunteer gig for the Met.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: PastryGoddess on September 24, 2013, 09:31:24 AM
Working with charities/non-profits: apparently I'm "too young to be doing that sort of thing." I've had grey hair for ten years, now. I'm not that young.


When I started volunteering for the USO, I had a volunteer come right out and ask why I was there.  She thought I was too young to be volunteering. 

I'm pretty sure I gave her a "you crazy" look and bean dipped.  We're friends now and enjoy working together.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cami on September 24, 2013, 10:05:24 AM
1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Sounds like your MIL was exceedingly eager to unload her son on any woman who would take him...
Actually, no. That's the weird part. NO woman was good enough for her son. And yet, here she was encouraging me to deceive him to "win" him.  My MIL was a bundle of contradictions. Often within the same sentence.

I can't help but wonder if she raised him to have those expectations?  That he should only consider a girl/woman who totally agreed with everything he said and would do anything he suggested, regardless of her own wants and needs?

In other words, she raised him to be so lacking in self confidence that he couldn't survive if someone dared not totally agree with him 100% of the time?  Did she even have a clue as to what that said about her as a mother?  Then telling you how to trick him.  The mind.  It boggles.   :-\
Nope, he didn't have those expectations at all. Or I wouldn't have married him! He was also AGOG when I told him what she'd said. In fact, over the years, he has said that watching a woman do what his mother suggested I do "makes his skin crawl."  In point of fact, we were friends long before we started going out, so as he pointed out, he knew exactly what he was getting with me.

He also got some insight into the dysfunction of his parents' marriage as he realized his mother had pulled a bait and switch on his father. Interestingly enough, when my MIL died and FIL remarried, he married a woman who constantly disagrees with him -- my guess is that he feels more comfortable knowing her real opinion on things, even if they end up fighting about it.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 24, 2013, 10:09:50 AM
A friend of mine's brother married a girl who was interested in all the same things he was - a lot of outdoor activities.  Then they got married.  Turns out, she didn't like any of those activities and was just doing them to please the brother.  She stopped doing all those things as soon as they were married and so has he, because she won't do them with him.  It's sad, really.

(She's a real piece of work in a whole lot of other ways, too, so I feel really badly for my friend's brother.)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 24, 2013, 10:11:12 AM
My almost 19-year-old daughter went to a nightclub for the first time on Saturday night with some friends.  I told my mother, and I got a distinct whiff of disapproval/disappointment, followed by a wistful "Wasn't it yesterday when she was small?  ... guess not."

It reminded me of when I went to a party to celebrate the fact that my friends and I had graduated from university.  Our average age was around 22.    The party was held at someone's house, and the guy's dad served as bartender.  When I got home, I told my mother "They served us the GOOD booze!".  (As in:  Smirnoff vodka instead of Uncle Popskull's Rotgut.)  Mum looked very sour and said "I don't approve of serving children alcohol."  (Emphasis mine.)

I'd like to add that I live in Canada, where the legal drinking age is 18.

Outdoor Girl, your story reminds me of when my husband and I first started dating.  He asked me if I liked camping.  I thought "So help me, I'm going to tell him the truth", and I said honestly "No, I hate it."  He said "Oh" in a somewhat crestfallen way, and I felt bad, but I wasn't going to lie to him.  (Hey, he married me anyway, so I guess it wasn't a dealbreaker.)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 24, 2013, 06:58:39 PM
Working with charities/non-profits: apparently I'm "too young to be doing that sort of thing." I've had grey hair for ten years, now. I'm not that young.

Or, as my mom says, "Volunteering is for old people". DH and I volunteer over a thousand hours a year each. We also work full time. Why wait?  ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: PastryGoddess on September 24, 2013, 08:15:27 PM
Working with charities/non-profits: apparently I'm "too young to be doing that sort of thing." I've had grey hair for ten years, now. I'm not that young.

Or, as my mom says, "Volunteering is for old people". DH and I volunteer over a thousand hours a year each. We also work full time. Why wait?  ;D

I'm right there with you.  I find volunteering to be fun and enriching.  Why should I have to wait?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 24, 2013, 09:21:27 PM
Slightly O/T. Mom is unable to work any more, but won't get involved in a group or charity where she can volunteer, because "that is what old people do". She is not old, but past the standard retirement age in the US, and volunteering would be so good for her!

But what do I know?  ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 24, 2013, 09:31:58 PM
My mother would scoff at volunteer work because one doesn't get paid.

She would also criticize me for going to the Met Gift Shop today to meet Placido Domingo.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 24, 2013, 09:39:53 PM
^ Wow!

We (my younger sisters and I), were not allowed to volunteer or work other than babysitting. We had zero sense of responsibility when it was time to move out.

I guess I am the opposite of how I was raised at this point.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TheWeirdOne on September 25, 2013, 02:53:09 AM
I had a friend in high school who would come home with 98% on a test and be asked about the other 2%.

Mum has had a few zingers over the years. Recently she's been getting in little digs on my weight, usually done in a completely matter of fact tone:
'You used to be thin when you were 16'. For the record, I'm turning 25 and weigh about 3 kilos more than I did then. A Masters degree will do that to you.
'There's no way you could fit into your formal (prom) dress now'. Well yes, it is a little tight now. Around the bust ;D
'Are you sure that will fit?' Well, I'm wearing it now, so, yeah.
The all time heavyweight champion of criticisms was telling me at age 10 or so 'you're not important and you're not special'. She doesn't remember this, but I always will. However, she's done some pretty awesome stuff for me too, so it balances out.

My Grandmother sometimes forgets that I'm an adult as well (one of the perils of living at home still). Sometimes I have to remind her that I'm not 12 anymore.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Bethalize on September 25, 2013, 03:44:09 AM
My mother would scoff at volunteer work because one doesn't get paid.

She would also criticize me for going to the Met Gift Shop today to meet Placido Domingo.

You're meeting Domingo? Wow!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 25, 2013, 05:39:15 AM
My folks always thought I was too old to be so into pirates and writing fanfiction about them, and when I was getting close to my 30's I was starting to believe them, until I met my best friend who is in her 50s. :)  Suddenly it didn't feel so immature anymore! :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 25, 2013, 06:18:31 AM
My mother would scoff at volunteer work because one doesn't get paid.

She would also criticize me for going to the Met Gift Shop today to meet Placido Domingo.

You're meeting Domingo? Wow!

I've met several of my favorite singers, but my mother never got that this is a special privilege that's important to many people.

When the rock music thing became important to me as a teen she would go on about how these people laugh at their fans after taking their money.  When I became an adult I made the decision to stop talking about any of this because I didn't need to hear that nonsense.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on September 25, 2013, 06:34:36 AM
Slightly O/T. Mom is unable to work any more, but won't get involved in a group or charity where she can volunteer, because "that is what old people do". She is not old, but past the standard retirement age in the US, and volunteering would be so good for her!

But what do I know?  ::)

Sure, most of our volunteers were older ladies but we also had high school students. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: faithlessone on September 25, 2013, 09:26:16 AM
My Grandmother sometimes forgets that I'm an adult as well (one of the perils of living at home still). Sometimes I have to remind her that I'm not 12 anymore.

My grandmother is like this, and probably for the same reason (I'm still living at home too.) She always seems surprised when I remind her I can drive, and have a proper job. She has also recently started needing convincing that I have actually finished university and have a degree already. She actually wasn't keen on my going to university in the first place - "a woman doesn't need that much education!" - so I'm surprised when she asks me how my studies are going.

Personally, I think she's starting to get me and my 16-year-old cousin mixed up. We have similar names (Emily/Amy), and both see her quite often.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on September 25, 2013, 09:51:44 AM
My Grandmother sometimes forgets that I'm an adult as well (one of the perils of living at home still). Sometimes I have to remind her that I'm not 12 anymore.

My grandmother is like this, and probably for the same reason (I'm still living at home too.) She always seems surprised when I remind her I can drive, and have a proper job. She has also recently started needing convincing that I have actually finished university and have a degree already. She actually wasn't keen on my going to university in the first place - "a woman doesn't need that much education!" - so I'm surprised when she asks me how my studies are going.

Personally, I think she's starting to get me and my 16-year-old cousin mixed up. We have similar names (Emily/Amy), and both see her quite often.

MIL gets like this too.  When we go to visit, we promise ourselves that we'll humor her as much as possible.  That lasts about two hours. 

If we took all her suggestions, we'd be sucking our thumbs and clutching snack bags of Cheerios to our chests by the time we headed home. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on September 25, 2013, 10:09:43 AM
Got one from my mom yesterday!

So, our mornings pretty much run like this: we get up, walk the dogs, Partner showers and starts getting ready for work, I make us breakfast, we eat, Partner finishes getting ready for work, I was dishes from breakfast and double check Partner remembered to pack lunch, sometimes I gather her stuff for her, kiss kiss and she's off and I...do whatever the heck I'd like to do.

Ok, so, my mom...not so thrilled at this. She thinks we should trade off who cooks breakfast and that if I cook it, Partner should clean up. She even told me I should just make my own breakfast so Partner doesn't think she's "in charge of me" and what would Partner do if I just stopped making breakfast? Well, she moved out of her mom's house 10 years ago but only moved in with me 2 years ago, so that's 8 years she was in charge of her own breakfast so I'm pretty sure she'd just make her own food (actually longer, her mom didn't exactly make breakfast every morning).

My mother is very concerned about me "giving up my power" (over breakfast food apparently) and Partner thinking she "controls" me or that I take over too many of "housewife" duties.  ::) I work from home, so while I'm working I'll pick up around the house.  And why wouldn't I make her food while I make me food? She makes me food when she makes herself food. But she actually hast to be somewhere every morning at a designated time. Me? Not so much.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Chip2 on September 25, 2013, 10:32:53 AM
My folks always thought I was too old to be so into pirates and writing fanfiction about them, and when I was getting close to my 30's I was starting to believe them, until I met my best friend who is in her 50s. :)  Suddenly it didn't feel so immature anymore! :)

I'm almost 50 and I'm writing Dragon Age fanfic. And I'm having a lot of fun with it.

And my mom was constantly criticizing me for only thinking about 'those games'.  I got the last laugh on that when I had to play one of those games for a college course. And rolling all those dice has given me an intuitive understanding of probability and statistics; I got an award for tutoring my peers in those subjects. Mom was all  ???
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on September 25, 2013, 11:14:59 AM
My folks always thought I was too old to be so into pirates and writing fanfiction about them, and when I was getting close to my 30's I was starting to believe them, until I met my best friend who is in her 50s. :)  Suddenly it didn't feel so immature anymore! :)

My mother cannot understand my obsession with fanfiction (if I like a show/movie/play/book/band, I'm going to find fanfic about it, or I'm going to write it), she thinks it's nutty but leaves me be. She has read stories I've written (about shows we both like usually) and likes them. Though she is very concerned I'll be hauled off to jail any minute now.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Drunken Housewife on September 25, 2013, 11:40:29 AM
I'm going to try not to go wild here, because i have a lot of stories!  What amazes me no end as a parent is how my parents chose things a normal person would have been proud of to attack.

Having a gym membership and working out:  my parents thought that was the stupidest idea possible and harangued me endlessly about it.  Evidently I should have just found chores to do around the house for exercise; anything else was immoral.  My sister kept saying that she and my mother knew the only reason I did it was to try to pick up guys.  Even though I said, "If that was the case, I'd have quit a long time ago.  I haven't had a single date from it", I had to keep hearing that.

Having a reasonable number of sequential relationships in college:  my parents were high school sweethearts and married young.  Evidently doing anything else means you're a damned skank.  "You're like a butterfly!  You need to stop it.  You're going to get AIDS."

Being proud of having won a National Merit Scholarship:   my father said, "You think you're so special.  Well, there's someone like this in every town.  You'll find out when you go to college that you are just ordinary."

Settling down with a special boyfriend (my first husband):  my father told me, "He's too tall." (He was 6'4").  My father told my ex, "You know, you can do better than her."

Going to a movie with a friend:  "You left your sister at home all alone!  You should be ashamed!  Your poor sister!"  My sister was older than me, a 20 year-old college student. 

It was my fault my sister got into a traffic accident:  "It was all your fault.  I hope you learned that the passenger has a responsibility to the driver."  This is worse because I'd gotten out of the hospital the day before with meningitis, was still in a lot of pain and on heavy narcotics.

That leads nicely to another anecdote:  being so sick with meningitis that I needed to go to a hospital.  "Obviously you have no faith, or you'd be healed by now."  Thanks, Dad!  Way to make someone in extreme misery feel better!

My mother had a weird way of running me down to other people and being proud of it.  I worked at a jewelry store as a teen, and she ostentatiously thanked my boss in front of me for helping me pick up accessories to wear to my graduation from high school:  "Thanks for finding her what to get. You know she would have gotten something awful on her own (theatrical shudder).  You know her taste."  My first fiance told me once he said to her, "Wow, she made me the most amazing lasagna last night," and he was freaked out when she laughed and said, "You're going to get sick of that.  It's the only thing she can make." 

I could go on and on, but this is enough for now.  Is it any wonder I am in therapy?  I'm not telling the worst ones because they might be too upsetting for people to hear.  These give enough of the picture.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 25, 2013, 11:46:36 AM
Wow! Terrible, I am glad you have gotten away from them. If you need to vent about the other stories, feel free to send a PM.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Betelnut on September 25, 2013, 11:51:14 AM
(((Drunken Housewife)))

 :'(
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on September 25, 2013, 11:58:01 AM
I've read enough to wonder if we're related, D H.

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 25, 2013, 12:02:43 PM
Reading these stories, remind me to thank my Dad and send a prayer of thanks to my Mom.  They had their faults and did criticize me occasionally but they were always proud of me, almost to the point of bragging about me (and my brother) to their friends and family.

I remember calling them when I was having an awful time at work with my supervisor.  It was so bad, it was making me sick and I was *this close* to quitting.  I asked them if they'd be as proud of their daughter, the cake decorator, as they were of their daughter, the biochemist.  They were completely ready to support me emotionally and financially if I had decided to quit.  It took me over a year but I did manage to find another job, without quitting, and 8 months after that, I got the great job I have now.

So great big ((((hugs)))) to all of you who were criticized so much.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: MerryCat on September 25, 2013, 01:00:18 PM
My mother has a tendency to pick on my appearance. I guess that's because I don't tell her anything about the rest of my life that she might criticize.

Here's the most recent thing that happened. I have a blouse for work that I love. My mother hates it. She's decided it looks worn and ratty (because it's from a consignment store), and makes me look fat (because the one time she saw me wearing it it was with an improperly fitted skirt that made me look chubby.) She forbade me to wear it to work ever again  ::)

Well, I know that the blouse isn't ratty, and that, with the correct skirt, it's actually flattering, so I just ignored her. But, when I wore to a recent work function and got a lot of compliments on it, I couldn't help bragging a little to my mum to rub it in her face. Her reaction? They were lying.

Yes, according to my mother, every single person who complimented me did so because the shirt so ugly they couldn't help commenting on it. But, because they didn't want to hurt my feelings, they lied and said that it looked nice. Can't win to lose with that woman, I tell you.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 25, 2013, 02:57:52 PM
DH, a couple of your stories reminded me of my own:

When I was 22, I decided to move out of my parents' house into my own apartment.  My parents were horrified, especially when they saw said apartment (to be fair, it was pretty grotty in a not-great neighborhood).  I'm pretty sure no neighborhood would've been good enough, however.  My mum kept saying "I just don't understand why you'd want to leave a nice home like ours to live in that SLUM."  Then she'd add "I bet your boyfriend put you up to it" (as if I had no mind of my own).  I'd been saying that I wanted my own place since I was 18 and hadn't even met my boyfriend yet, but no, it must be all his fault.

Meanwhile, my dad said darkly "If you move out, your mother and I will probably get a divorce.  You're the only thing holding our marriage together."  Over 25 years later, they're still married.
 
On a different topic - this wasn't a criticism, but more like an "Argh!  WHY did you say that?"  I was a secretary for a while, and one day the company's publicists took my boss and me to lunch at a very nice restaurant.  I was secretly thrilled, but I tried to play it cool as though I ate business lunches in places like that every day.  It just so happened that my mother knew one of the publicists, and when Mum saw her again, she gushed "It was SO nice of you to invite Shalamar along!  It was her very first business lunch, and she was SO excited!"  Arrrrgh.  She couldn't understand why I got upset with her.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 25, 2013, 03:09:13 PM
I actually once knew someone who felt that parenthood included the privilege of embarrassing one's children in such a manner.  I hope he never had any children of his own.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on September 25, 2013, 07:13:02 PM
Back when I was in high school, the parents' house had a carport with a long driveway and a perpendicular parking strip in front of the house.  I was backing out of the carport when Dad arrived home.  I pulled forward so he could turn in and park on the strip.  He neglected to put his car in park when he got out, and his car rolled backwards and crashed into mine.  This was somehow my fault.  I overheard my mother tell him, "Daffodil should not have been backing out of the driveway"   ::). 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Drunken Housewife on September 25, 2013, 07:35:47 PM
More mindboggling ones from my parents (less depressing than the ones before):

How I dress was always problematic.  Once I wore a red sweater with a khaki skirt.  I was just out of college and had bought myself these clothes with my meager earnings, and I was pretty proud of the outfit.  My father was so appalled that I wore red with khaki (???) that he had to tell me off about it at length twice.  Twice. 

At my sister's rushed marriage to someone my parents did not approve of:  I was wearing fancy black shoes with a dark blue and green dress.  My mother threw a tantrum and said I would ruin the whole wedding because I was wearing black shoes, said I was forbidden to attend, etc... until one of my cousins managed to find a pair of white flats to loan me.  (Incidentally it was after Labor Day).  Because somehow these scuffed white shoes, which didn't go with my dress at all, were somehow appropriate for a wedding and my pretty black flats would have "ruined your sister's wedding."

In the eighties I was fond of New Wave music.  My parents found this unChristian and somehow thought it was soul-threatening punk music (Blondie and the Cars aren't exactly the Sex Pistols, but they thought it was).  My mother seriously threatened to throw me out of the house if I didn't change my taste in music.  "If you get any more punk, I'm throwing you out.  It's called tough love."  She was very smug about this.   There was no end of criticism over my choice of music.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: lady_disdain on September 25, 2013, 08:03:46 PM
How I dress was always problematic.  Once I wore a red sweater with a khaki skirt.  I was just out of college and had bought myself these clothes with my meager earnings, and I was pretty proud of the outfit.  My father was so appalled that I wore red with khaki (???) that he had to tell me off about it at length twice.  Twice. 

I had no idea red and khaki was so offensive. I love this combination, but khaki is really not my colour.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Elfmama on September 25, 2013, 08:09:10 PM
At my sister's rushed marriage to someone my parents did not approve of:  I was wearing fancy black shoes with a dark blue and green dress.  My mother threw a tantrum and said I would ruin the whole wedding because I was wearing black shoes, said I was forbidden to attend, etc... until one of my cousins managed to find a pair of white flats to loan me.  (Incidentally it was after Labor Day).  Because somehow these scuffed white shoes, which didn't go with my dress at all, were somehow appropriate for a wedding and my pretty black flats would have "ruined your sister's wedding."
What, didn't you know that the tradition is that ALL wedding guests, throughout the ceremony, must stare in admiration at the bride's sister's shoes?  ???
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 25, 2013, 08:14:35 PM
What, didn't you know that the tradition is that ALL wedding guests, throughout the ceremony, must stare in admiration at the bride's sister's shoes?  ???

Actually they might if they were white, ill fitting and scuffed!   :)

Well, maybe they wouldn't be staring in 'admiration'.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 25, 2013, 09:05:05 PM
How I dress was always problematic.  Once I wore a red sweater with a khaki skirt.  I was just out of college and had bought myself these clothes with my meager earnings, and I was pretty proud of the outfit.  My father was so appalled that I wore red with khaki (???) that he had to tell me off about it at length twice.  Twice. 

I had no idea red and khaki was so offensive. I love this combination, but khaki is really not my colour.

We better let the good folks at Target know. ;)

Clothes weren't too much of an issue in our house.  I do remember going shopping with my mother and going into a Hot Topic and holding up something that was ever so mildly goth. I can't even remember what it was but it wasn't even leather, I don't think.  She said "Are you trying to shock me?" I put the article of clothing back on the rack with a huff and left the store rather annoyed.  I really hadn't been trying to shock her at all, I actually thought it was cool and might look good on me and was just really irritated with her answer.

Then later when I got back into the broomstick skirts and already had maybe 3, she had asked me to make an Amazon gift list with a few different options so that way I wouldn't know what she'd be getting me from that list.  One was a broomstick skirt.  She said "Don't you have enough broomstick skirts?" I asked innocently "Is there such a thing?" I did end up getting the skirt, so I do have to give her that, but she did not like my wearing them.

Which is kind of funny, since she bought me the first two I ever owned.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: KenveeB on September 25, 2013, 10:40:43 PM
How I dress was always problematic.  Once I wore a red sweater with a khaki skirt.  I was just out of college and had bought myself these clothes with my meager earnings, and I was pretty proud of the outfit.  My father was so appalled that I wore red with khaki (???) that he had to tell me off about it at length twice.  Twice. 

I had no idea red and khaki was so offensive. I love this combination, but khaki is really not my colour.

I never wear it, but only because I'm sure to have to stop at Target and will then be mistaken for an employee. :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: peachykeen on September 25, 2013, 11:04:56 PM
When I scratched mosquito bites my Mother said I'd never get a husband with those scars on my legs (I managed to get married twice). Pierced ears were for foreigners or loose women. I wasn't allowed to wear black as a teenager (too old for me).
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: StarDrifter on September 26, 2013, 07:38:20 AM
My mum accused me of lying about how bad my 'morning' sickness was when I was pregnant, until the day that I threw up on her shoes.

But the worst for criticising about stuff that does NOT matter is my maternal grandmother. She will comment on any picture of Baby Wolverine that I post on FB where she is wearing anything that is not PINK. And the day I put her in a blue onesie with a pirate-themed bandana-bib? OH MY STARS AND GARTERS.

I actually got a ranty phone message on my home line after that photo - YOU ARE GOING TO SCAR YOUR DAUGHTER FOR LIFE DRESSING HER IN BLUE! AND THERE'S SKULLS AND CROSSBONES ON THAT BIB! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

Yeah, we just ignore that. Though I will admit that when I go visit Nana I will mostly dress her in pink, just so that I don't have to listen to the 'little girls need to wear girly things' lecture. Heaven help us if Wolvie turns out to be a tomboy - or if Nana finds out that we call her Wolverine...
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: BarensMom on September 26, 2013, 07:49:07 AM
My mum accused me of lying about how bad my 'morning' sickness was when I was pregnant, until the day that I threw up on her shoes.

But the worst for criticising about stuff that does NOT matter is my maternal grandmother. She will comment on any picture of Baby Wolverine that I post on FB where she is wearing anything that is not PINK. And the day I put her in a blue onesie with a pirate-themed bandana-bib? OH MY STARS AND GARTERS.

I actually got a ranty phone message on my home line after that photo - YOU ARE GOING TO SCAR YOUR DAUGHTER FOR LIFE DRESSING HER IN BLUE! AND THERE'S SKULLS AND CROSSBONES ON THAT BIB! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

Yeah, we just ignore that. Though I will admit that when I go visit Nana I will mostly dress her in pink, just so that I don't have to listen to the 'little girls need to wear girly things' lecture. Heaven help us if Wolvie turns out to be a tomboy - or if Nana finds out that we call her Wolverine...

Wonder what your grandmother would've said about my brother dressing me in boy's clothes when I was a toddler.  He couldn't get over the fact I wasn't born male, so he tried to turn me into a boy by dressing me in boy clothes and using his military toys to teach me how to play "war."  It didn't work, and I think he resented me ever since for not being a boy.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Free Range Hippy Chick on September 26, 2013, 08:30:03 AM

Wonder what your grandmother would've said about my brother dressing me in boy's clothes when I was a toddler.  He couldn't get over the fact I wasn't born male, so he tried to turn me into a boy by dressing me in boy clothes and using his military toys to teach me how to play "war."  It didn't work, and I think he resented me ever since for not being a boy.

Just be grateful he didn't want a pony.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Bexx27 on September 26, 2013, 08:38:56 AM
My mum accused me of lying about how bad my 'morning' sickness was when I was pregnant, until the day that I threw up on her shoes.

But the worst for criticising about stuff that does NOT matter is my maternal grandmother. She will comment on any picture of Baby Wolverine that I post on FB where she is wearing anything that is not PINK. And the day I put her in a blue onesie with a pirate-themed bandana-bib? OH MY STARS AND GARTERS.

I actually got a ranty phone message on my home line after that photo - YOU ARE GOING TO SCAR YOUR DAUGHTER FOR LIFE DRESSING HER IN BLUE! AND THERE'S SKULLS AND CROSSBONES ON THAT BIB! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

Yeah, we just ignore that. Though I will admit that when I go visit Nana I will mostly dress her in pink, just so that I don't have to listen to the 'little girls need to wear girly things' lecture. Heaven help us if Wolvie turns out to be a tomboy - or if Nana finds out that we call her Wolverine...

What does she think about blue dresses? Are they supposed to be for boys?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Twik on September 26, 2013, 10:16:58 AM

Wonder what your grandmother would've said about my brother dressing me in boy's clothes when I was a toddler.  He couldn't get over the fact I wasn't born male, so he tried to turn me into a boy by dressing me in boy clothes and using his military toys to teach me how to play "war."  It didn't work, and I think he resented me ever since for not being a boy.

Just be grateful he didn't want a pony.

Or a puppy.

Or a goldfish.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 26, 2013, 12:33:24 PM
My father refuses to believe that I am allergic to insect bites. So allergic that I swell up and have an anaphylactic reaction. I carry Benadryl, hydrocortisone cream and an EpiPen. He still doesn't believe me.

During their last trip here, the hotel grounds where they were parked had a major fire ant problem. I was bitten several times on my ankle, enough to have a reaction. He still thinks I am making that up.  ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gingerzing on September 26, 2013, 12:50:14 PM
My mum accused me of lying about how bad my 'morning' sickness was when I was pregnant, until the day that I threw up on her shoes.

But the worst for criticising about stuff that does NOT matter is my maternal grandmother. She will comment on any picture of Baby Wolverine that I post on FB where she is wearing anything that is not PINK. And the day I put her in a blue onesie with a pirate-themed bandana-bib? OH MY STARS AND GARTERS.

I actually got a ranty phone message on my home line after that photo - YOU ARE GOING TO SCAR YOUR DAUGHTER FOR LIFE DRESSING HER IN BLUE! AND THERE'S SKULLS AND CROSSBONES ON THAT BIB! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

Yeah, we just ignore that. Though I will admit that when I go visit Nana I will mostly dress her in pink, just so that I don't have to listen to the 'little girls need to wear girly things' lecture. Heaven help us if Wolvie turns out to be a tomboy - or if Nana finds out that we call her Wolverine...

OT  - (sorry) Does Nana not realize that until the early 1900's (1910's-1920's*) that it was opposite?  The generally accepted rule was pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. "The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl."  And it wasn't until the 1940's or so that blue for boys and pink for girls was set more firmly. 

*This is more toward America.  I think France did do boys in blue before.


Back on topic a bit. 
What is with all the parents getting twisted up about "too much reading"?  As if there is such a thing.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Pen^2 on September 26, 2013, 01:15:53 PM
Not my parents, but on the "too much reading" note:

I had a child in class who has superb comprehension. He's the youngest by far (not quite 3 yet) but can follow stories and answer questions about them like nobody's business. I mentioned this to his parents as they pick him up (I always try to compliment each child), and they said kind of flippantly, "Oh yeah, he really likes stories, I guess. He won't go to bed unless we read him one or two. We're really worried that it might be bad for him or something."

I reassured them that reading bedtime stories was a very healthy thing and that it was probably a large part of why he was so advanced for his age. But they didn't seem to care much either way.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Jones on September 26, 2013, 01:25:35 PM
I...it.../cry/
Bedtime stories and such great short term memory are Great! My daughter wasn't 't interested at all as a toddler but DS is totally into books and it's amazing to read story after story to the little guy. In what universe can that be damaging or concerning?

If they can't stand his brains in a few years I'll take him, I'd love a houseful of reading kids (without, you know, having to give birth to them all, haha).
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Elfmama on September 26, 2013, 01:59:47 PM
My mum accused me of lying about how bad my 'morning' sickness was when I was pregnant, until the day that I threw up on her shoes.

But the worst for criticising about stuff that does NOT matter is my maternal grandmother. She will comment on any picture of Baby Wolverine that I post on FB where she is wearing anything that is not PINK. And the day I put her in a blue onesie with a pirate-themed bandana-bib? OH MY STARS AND GARTERS.

I actually got a ranty phone message on my home line after that photo - YOU ARE GOING TO SCAR YOUR DAUGHTER FOR LIFE DRESSING HER IN BLUE! AND THERE'S SKULLS AND CROSSBONES ON THAT BIB! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

Yeah, we just ignore that. Though I will admit that when I go visit Nana I will mostly dress her in pink, just so that I don't have to listen to the 'little girls need to wear girly things' lecture. Heaven help us if Wolvie turns out to be a tomboy - or if Nana finds out that we call her Wolverine...
Some years ago there was a man who sued the hospital where his son had been born 20 years earlier.  Seems that when the child was born, he was one of an unusual number of boy births and there were no blue baby blankets left.  The hospital wrapped him in a PINK blanket -- and the father claimed that it was therefore the hospital's fault that his now-adult son was gay!  ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Mollie on September 26, 2013, 02:07:53 PM
That is just as sad as the mom who refused to give her son a water, becuase it had a pink lid.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Midnight Kitty on September 26, 2013, 02:09:37 PM
Some years ago there was a man who sued the hospital where his son had been born 20 years earlier.  Seems that when the child was born, he was one of an unusual number of boy births and there were no blue baby blankets left.  The hospital wrapped him in a PINK blanket -- and the father claimed that it was therefore the hospital's fault that his now-adult son was gay!  ::)
I assume that a lawsuit requires both standing and damages. It sounds like the father believes that he, himself, sustained damages from this pink blanket use and his son's gender identity. How was the father harmed? What's wrong with the son's gender identity? 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Elfmama on September 26, 2013, 04:54:04 PM
Some years ago there was a man who sued the hospital where his son had been born 20 years earlier.  Seems that when the child was born, he was one of an unusual number of boy births and there were no blue baby blankets left.  The hospital wrapped him in a PINK blanket -- and the father claimed that it was therefore the hospital's fault that his now-adult son was gay!  ::)
I assume that a lawsuit requires both standing and damages. It sounds like the father believes that he, himself, sustained damages from this pink blanket use and his son's gender identity. How was the father harmed? What's wrong with the son's gender identity?
Darned if I know, MK.  However, in the US it's possible to file a lawsuit for almost anything. (Burglar gets bitten by dog, sues homeowner and wins. ::) ) I never heard anything more about it, so I suspect that someone at some point said "Suit denied." (But the lawyer still got a fee, I betcha.)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Mel the Redcap on September 26, 2013, 04:59:11 PM
Some years ago there was a man who sued the hospital where his son had been born 20 years earlier.  Seems that when the child was born, he was one of an unusual number of boy births and there were no blue baby blankets left.  The hospital wrapped him in a PINK blanket -- and the father claimed that it was therefore the hospital's fault that his now-adult son was gay!  ::)
I assume that a lawsuit requires both standing and damages. It sounds like the father believes that he, himself, sustained damages from this pink blanket use and his son's gender identity. How was the father harmed? What's wrong with the son's gender identity?

Because being gay is bad (because Reasons), and if your son is gay it throws doubt on your own masculinity (because More Reasons), and also he won't be able to talk about his son without preceding every sentence with "My son, you know him, he's gay, I SWEAR IT'S NOT MY FAULT I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED," which is embarrassing and hurts his fee-fees. ::)

/end attempt to explain a patently ridiculous point of view
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: PastryGoddess on September 26, 2013, 05:05:13 PM
Some years ago there was a man who sued the hospital where his son had been born 20 years earlier.  Seems that when the child was born, he was one of an unusual number of boy births and there were no blue baby blankets left.  The hospital wrapped him in a PINK blanket -- and the father claimed that it was therefore the hospital's fault that his now-adult son was gay!  ::)
I assume that a lawsuit requires both standing and damages. It sounds like the father believes that he, himself, sustained damages from this pink blanket use and his son's gender identity. How was the father harmed? What's wrong with the son's gender identity? 

Now now Midnight Kitty.  Don't go applying logic to this situation :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Midnight Kitty on September 26, 2013, 05:55:27 PM
Some years ago there was a man who sued the hospital where his son had been born 20 years earlier.  Seems that when the child was born, he was one of an unusual number of boy births and there were no blue baby blankets left.  The hospital wrapped him in a PINK blanket -- and the father claimed that it was therefore the hospital's fault that his now-adult son was gay!  ::)
I assume that a lawsuit requires both standing and damages. It sounds like the father believes that he, himself, sustained damages from this pink blanket use and his son's gender identity. How was the father harmed? What's wrong with the son's gender identity? 

Now now Midnight Kitty.  Don't go applying logic to this situation :)
I know, silly me looking for logic in unreasoning prejudice. :o

I admit my questions were a bit facetious.  When I encounter that entrenched type of prejudice, I like to see if they can explain themselves without tripping on facts.

While it may be true that anyone can file a lawsuit for any frivolous reason, they may also find themselves financially responsible for the other party's legal fees.  I used to work in "Law Enforcement" in that I enforced the Clean Water Act.  I developed cases and filed legal actions against polluters.  One must establish standing up front or else they don't need to read any further to dismiss the case.  There also have to be some type of damages in order to calculate the penalty. I'd like to see the father claiming that he won't have any grandchildren because the hospital used a pink blanket on his son.

I also learn a lot watching Marilyn Milian on The People's Court. ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: magicdomino on September 26, 2013, 07:50:23 PM
My mother would scoff at volunteer work because one doesn't get paid.

She would also criticize me for going to the Met Gift Shop today to meet Placido Domingo.

My mother was the same way.  In fact, as a teenager, I was pretty much forbidden to do volunteer work.  If I wanted to work, then spend the time and effort on a "real" job.  I can imagine what she would have thought of the community service that many high school students must perform in order to graduate.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mumma to KMC on September 27, 2013, 10:05:55 AM
How I dress was always problematic.  Once I wore a red sweater with a khaki skirt.  I was just out of college and had bought myself these clothes with my meager earnings, and I was pretty proud of the outfit.  My father was so appalled that I wore red with khaki (???) that he had to tell me off about it at length twice.  Twice. 

I had no idea red and khaki was so offensive. I love this combination, but khaki is really not my colour.

Does this mean I need to be upset with my son who just came downstairs in khaki pants and a red shirt? I think he looks rather nice. ;)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on September 27, 2013, 10:13:53 AM
Like black, khaki goes with everything. 

Where did he get this ridiculous idea? 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: magicdomino on September 27, 2013, 11:58:44 AM
I wore a royal purple shirt with khaki pants yesterday.  That would have really given him a heart attack.   ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on September 27, 2013, 02:09:11 PM
I remembered an ongoing critisim from mom that annoys me to no end.

So when I was little (and even now) I like to be at home. I like to go out and do stuff too, but I enjoy spending time at home. Always have. My mother likes to be out. She basically goes home to eat, shower, and sleep. In a blue moon she'll want to be at home but usually she's all about out and about.

When I was little (around 2 or maybe 3) we lived with my grandparents, there was 1 car for the whole family and mom didn't have her license at the time anyways. So one day grandma and grandpa are headed to the grocery store and mom asks if we can go with cause she's climbing the wall, my grandma asks me if I want to go grocery shopping and I say no (cause I'm like 2 and wanna stay with my toys and my big bird movie and I'm 2), grandma says "Well Glitter doesn't want to go, so you have to stay home with her" and off grandparents go with me and mom at home.

I have heard this story about a million times at this point. Usually after being called a "home body" in tone that does not indicate that's a positve personality trait. Basically rather then being mad with her mother who took the wants of the 2 year old over the wants of the other adult, she still mad at the one who was 2. And BTW it's not like when the got me out of the house I was a fit throwing kid. According to my mom, I had all of 2 meltdowns before the age of 5 out in public. I was usually pretty content, and easy to entertain with a picture book or just people watching (same way still, just most of my books have words now).

I tend to be introverted, I can be very social, outgoing and no one describes me as shy (quiet yes, shy no), but I need time alone, I'm an observer, I loath small talk (I do it, but I hate it), and having to socialize for too long with too many people stresses me out to no end and makes me really long from my PJs and my home. My mother is very extroverted. Loves big groups and gatherings, likes to be the life of the party, is always talking, so on and so forth. She still sees my introverted ways as something to fix. I need to be more social, out of the house more, more like her! She's been convinced several times that I'm depressed. I'm not. At all. I'm a generally happy person.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: PastryGoddess on September 27, 2013, 02:24:36 PM
I remembered an ongoing critisim from mom that annoys me to no end.

So when I was little (and even now) I like to be at home. I like to go out and do stuff too, but I enjoy spending time at home. Always have. My mother likes to be out. She basically goes home to eat, shower, and sleep. In a blue moon she'll want to be at home but usually she's all about out and about.

When I was little (around 2 or maybe 3) we lived with my grandparents, there was 1 car for the whole family and mom didn't have her license at the time anyways. So one day grandma and grandpa are headed to the grocery store and mom asks if we can go with cause she's climbing the wall, my grandma asks me if I want to go grocery shopping and I say no (cause I'm like 2 and wanna stay with my toys and my big bird movie and I'm 2), grandma says "Well Glitter doesn't want to go, so you have to stay home with her" and off grandparents go with me and mom at home.

I have heard this story about a million times at this point. Usually after being called a "home body" in tone that does not indicate that's a positve personality trait. Basically rather then being mad with her mother who took the wants of the 2 year old over the wants of the other adult, she still mad at the one who was 2. And BTW it's not like when the got me out of the house I was a fit throwing kid. According to my mom, I had all of 2 meltdowns before the age of 5 out in public. I was usually pretty content, and easy to entertain with a picture book or just people watching (same way still, just most of my books have words now).

I tend to be introverted, I can be very social, outgoing and no one describes me as shy (quiet yes, shy no), but I need time alone, I'm an observer, I loath small talk (I do it, but I hate it), and having to socialize for too long with too many people stresses me out to no end and makes me really long from my PJs and my home. My mother is very extroverted. Loves big groups and gatherings, likes to be the life of the party, is always talking, so on and so forth. She still sees my introverted ways as something to fix. I need to be more social, out of the house more, more like her! She's been convinced several times that I'm depressed. I'm not. At all. I'm a generally happy person.

You're like me.  I'm a bit more extroverted, but I also need time to myself.  I like people.  But I like them less if I haven't had my me time.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 27, 2013, 04:04:41 PM
Oo oo, that reminds me of when I was 7 years old.  It was summertime, and my mother was called into work unexpectedly (normally she worked part-time, and on the days she worked, she'd get a babysitter.  She wasn't able to get a babysitter on such short notice this time, though).  She called up a family friend and asked if she'd take me for the day.  Friend was more than happy to do so.

The trouble is, Friend - although a VERY nice lady - was (a) old and (b) had never had children, so she had no idea how to entertain me.  I was a very easygoing child and would happily have stayed in a bedroom all day long with my toys and books, coming out only for lunch and potty breaks.  Friend didn't get that, though - she'd envisioned a day of being with me CONSTANTLY and hearing my childish chatter for hours on end, and by God, that was what she was going to get.

So, she set us up outside in her back yard with chairs and an umbrella, a book for me and a magazine for her, and that was it for entertainment.  I was very quickly bored out of my mind and wanted to go play with my toys.  (Plus, I was hot and uncomfortable.  I've never been a sun-worshipper.)  I asked if I could go inside to play.  Friend said no.  I asked if I could go inside to use the bathroom, and THAT was okay.  Thing is, I saw my toys on the way to the bathroom, and I thought "Just five minutes won't hurt."  Five minutes turned into fifteen, and next thing I knew, Friend was standing there with a puzzled hurt expression.

All I heard on the way home from my mother was how much I'd hurt Friend's feelings, and saying "But I was BORED!" didn't cut any ice with my mother.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 27, 2013, 04:43:41 PM
I can relate.  I was more than happy to just sit at home and read, or write or just listen to music and think.  I didn't mind being alone, and sometimes my mom would come in and tell me to go outside, get some fresh air. 

I'd say "Okay", grab my book or just myself and go out for a walk or a bike ride.  Other times she'd insist I call up a friend. I think she was really worried that I didn't have oodles of friends but I always was just fine with having quality over quantity.  And I don't know what it is but ever since I was a kid, my best friends were never close to me, geographically except for once. 

My childhood bff lived in the same state, but another county and a half hour's drive away.  Not a lot unless you're a kid that can't drive yet.  Then I got older and I did make a very good friend while DH was in the marines and it was great having a friend who lived on the same base as I did.  We were both night owls and would sometimes meet up for a midnight snack at Denny's so we could talk freely. :) I miss that, but unfortunately we moved across the country, but we are still in touch, thankfully. :)

And there's also my other bff who's in the midwest and that is the closest one geographically. :P
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on September 27, 2013, 04:48:01 PM
Oo oo, that reminds me of when I was 7 years old.  It was summertime, and my mother was called into work unexpectedly (normally she worked part-time, and on the days she worked, she'd get a babysitter.  She wasn't able to get a babysitter on such short notice this time, though).  She called up a family friend and asked if she'd take me for the day.  Friend was more than happy to do so.

The trouble is, Friend - although a VERY nice lady - was (a) old and (b) had never had children, so she had no idea how to entertain me.  I was a very easygoing child and would happily have stayed in a bedroom all day long with my toys and books, coming out only for lunch and potty breaks.  Friend didn't get that, though - she'd envisioned a day of being with me CONSTANTLY and hearing my childish chatter for hours on end, and by God, that was what she was going to get.

So, she set us up outside in her back yard with chairs and an umbrella, a book for me and a magazine for her, and that was it for entertainment.  I was very quickly bored out of my mind and wanted to go play with my toys.  (Plus, I was hot and uncomfortable.  I've never been a sun-worshipper.)  I asked if I could go inside to play.  Friend said no.  I asked if I could go inside to use the bathroom, and THAT was okay.  Thing is, I saw my toys on the way to the bathroom, and I thought "Just five minutes won't hurt."  Five minutes turned into fifteen, and next thing I knew, Friend was standing there with a puzzled hurt expression.

All I heard on the way home from my mother was how much I'd hurt Friend's feelings, and saying "But I was BORED!" didn't cut any ice with my mother.

But your job was to entertain her! How dare you not do so!

I was always content to play alone. I was an only child, so most of the time I was in charge of keeping myself occupied and I did so quiet well. Other adults could never undestand because "other kids" were loud, talketive, disruptive, ect. I was, as my aunt described me on multiable occassions "like a little adult" (this was a positive thing from her, I was the only kid she liked). Other adults would tell my mom there was "something wrong" with me. And I was developmentally behind my peers (actually I was ahead of them, thus why I was often annoyed by them). My mom would just smile and nod. Once she said to one woman, whose sons had been kicked out of a resturant for being too disurptive (it was a family resturant to give you an idea of what their behavior was like), after the woman had critized how quiet and poliet I was (something terribly wrong with me) "Yes, I'd much rather a child who swings from chandliers then one who says please and thank you, that makes complete sense", we didn't hang out with her or her kids anymore.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Asharah on September 28, 2013, 03:19:11 PM
Oo oo, that reminds me of when I was 7 years old.  It was summertime, and my mother was called into work unexpectedly (normally she worked part-time, and on the days she worked, she'd get a babysitter.  She wasn't able to get a babysitter on such short notice this time, though).  She called up a family friend and asked if she'd take me for the day.  Friend was more than happy to do so.

The trouble is, Friend - although a VERY nice lady - was (a) old and (b) had never had children, so she had no idea how to entertain me.  I was a very easygoing child and would happily have stayed in a bedroom all day long with my toys and books, coming out only for lunch and potty breaks.  Friend didn't get that, though - she'd envisioned a day of being with me CONSTANTLY and hearing my childish chatter for hours on end, and by God, that was what she was going to get.

So, she set us up outside in her back yard with chairs and an umbrella, a book for me and a magazine for her, and that was it for entertainment.  I was very quickly bored out of my mind and wanted to go play with my toys.  (Plus, I was hot and uncomfortable.  I've never been a sun-worshipper.)  I asked if I could go inside to play.  Friend said no.  I asked if I could go inside to use the bathroom, and THAT was okay.  Thing is, I saw my toys on the way to the bathroom, and I thought "Just five minutes won't hurt."  Five minutes turned into fifteen, and next thing I knew, Friend was standing there with a puzzled hurt expression.

All I heard on the way home from my mother was how much I'd hurt Friend's feelings, and saying "But I was BORED!" didn't cut any ice with my mother.
I wonder what would have happened if as soon as Mom shown up you had greeted her with, "Friend was mean! She made me stay outside and it was HOT! And she wouldn't let me play with my toys all day!"  ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: magician5 on September 28, 2013, 04:04:30 PM
Wonder what your grandmother would've said about my brother dressing me in boy's clothes when I was a toddler.  He couldn't get over the fact I wasn't born male, so he tried to turn me into a boy by dressing me in boy clothes and using his military toys to teach me how to play "war."  It didn't work, and I think he resented me ever since for not being a boy.

I was watching a show about Baden-Powell, founder of Scouting, hero of the Boer War, "manly man" of the early 20th Century. They showed a photo of him as a toddler ... as was apparently the custom at the time, the boy was in a foofy dress with girly curls, indistinguishable from a little girl. I don't know why that was the custom, but he seemed to have grown up without gender issues (even if he was a fairly odd bird as an adult).
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Elfmama on September 28, 2013, 06:12:59 PM
Wonder what your grandmother would've said about my brother dressing me in boy's clothes when I was a toddler.  He couldn't get over the fact I wasn't born male, so he tried to turn me into a boy by dressing me in boy clothes and using his military toys to teach me how to play "war."  It didn't work, and I think he resented me ever since for not being a boy.

I was watching a show about Baden-Powell, founder of Scouting, hero of the Boer War, "manly man" of the early 20th Century. They showed a photo of him as a toddler ... as was apparently the custom at the time, the boy was in a foofy dress with girly curls, indistinguishable from a little girl. I don't know why that was the custom, but he seemed to have grown up without gender issues (even if he was a fairly odd bird as an adult).
They kept little boys in dresses until they were reliably potty-trained.  Easier to access the, er, working bits, you know.  And when a boy graduated to pants, it was a big ceremonial occasion.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on September 28, 2013, 06:37:21 PM
How I dress was always problematic.  Once I wore a red sweater with a khaki skirt.  I was just out of college and had bought myself these clothes with my meager earnings, and I was pretty proud of the outfit.  My father was so appalled that I wore red with khaki (???) that he had to tell me off about it at length twice.  Twice. 

I had no idea red and khaki was so offensive. I love this combination, but khaki is really not my colour.

Does this mean I need to be upset with my son who just came downstairs in khaki pants and a red shirt? I think he looks rather nice. ;)

That combo is the official uniform of my niece's school.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: parrot_girl on September 28, 2013, 08:35:15 PM
My mum is a wonderful woman, let me be the first to say this. But there are some times that she should really engage her brain before her mouth, such as the time she told me that she'd be far happier if I were a third of my current weight.
Now I admit that I am quite overweight, but losing two thirds of my weight would put me at five kilograms above my six year old daughter. Who is as skinny as a bean!

Mum did admit that this was an idiotic idea, and apologised. And then she added "Maybe at half your current weight then?"
sigh!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 28, 2013, 09:12:25 PM
Wonder what your grandmother would've said about my brother dressing me in boy's clothes when I was a toddler.  He couldn't get over the fact I wasn't born male, so he tried to turn me into a boy by dressing me in boy clothes and using his military toys to teach me how to play "war."  It didn't work, and I think he resented me ever since for not being a boy.

I was watching a show about Baden-Powell, founder of Scouting, hero of the Boer War, "manly man" of the early 20th Century. They showed a photo of him as a toddler ... as was apparently the custom at the time, the boy was in a foofy dress with girly curls, indistinguishable from a little girl. I don't know why that was the custom, but he seemed to have grown up without gender issues (even if he was a fairly odd bird as an adult).
They kept little boys in dresses until they were reliably potty-trained.  Easier to access the, er, working bits, you know.  And when a boy graduated to pants, it was a big ceremonial occasion.

I recall similar pictures of boys in paintings from the colonial era as well as the Victorian. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mbbored on September 28, 2013, 10:24:00 PM
Wonder what your grandmother would've said about my brother dressing me in boy's clothes when I was a toddler.  He couldn't get over the fact I wasn't born male, so he tried to turn me into a boy by dressing me in boy clothes and using his military toys to teach me how to play "war."  It didn't work, and I think he resented me ever since for not being a boy.

I was watching a show about Baden-Powell, founder of Scouting, hero of the Boer War, "manly man" of the early 20th Century. They showed a photo of him as a toddler ... as was apparently the custom at the time, the boy was in a foofy dress with girly curls, indistinguishable from a little girl. I don't know why that was the custom, but he seemed to have grown up without gender issues (even if he was a fairly odd bird as an adult).
They kept little boys in dresses until they were reliably potty-trained.  Easier to access the, er, working bits, you know.  And when a boy graduated to pants, it was a big ceremonial occasion.

I recall similar pictures of boys in paintings from the colonial era as well as the Victorian.

I have pictures of my grandfather (born 1912) in simple dresses and shoulder length ringlets.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Asharah on September 28, 2013, 10:35:24 PM
Wonder what your grandmother would've said about my brother dressing me in boy's clothes when I was a toddler.  He couldn't get over the fact I wasn't born male, so he tried to turn me into a boy by dressing me in boy clothes and using his military toys to teach me how to play "war."  It didn't work, and I think he resented me ever since for not being a boy.

I was watching a show about Baden-Powell, founder of Scouting, hero of the Boer War, "manly man" of the early 20th Century. They showed a photo of him as a toddler ... as was apparently the custom at the time, the boy was in a foofy dress with girly curls, indistinguishable from a little girl. I don't know why that was the custom, but he seemed to have grown up without gender issues (even if he was a fairly odd bird as an adult).
They kept little boys in dresses until they were reliably potty-trained.  Easier to access the, er, working bits, you know.  And when a boy graduated to pants, it was a big ceremonial occasion.

I recall similar pictures of boys in paintings from the colonial era as well as the Victorian.

I have pictures of my grandfather (born 1912) in simple dresses and shoulder length ringlets.
http://ww2gravestone.com/sites/default/files/uploads/pink-and-blue-Franklin-Roosevelt.jpg
Franklin Roosevelt as a child
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 29, 2013, 06:15:12 AM
I understand the dress thing for practicality, but ringlets after 1830?  [shakes head]
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cherry91 on September 29, 2013, 06:50:38 AM
My mother would scoff at volunteer work because one doesn't get paid.

She would also criticize me for going to the Met Gift Shop today to meet Placido Domingo.

My mother was the same way.  In fact, as a teenager, I was pretty much forbidden to do volunteer work.  If I wanted to work, then spend the time and effort on a "real" job.  I can imagine what she would have thought of the community service that many high school students must perform in order to graduate.

The problem with this is that, at least where I live, it's practically required to do a voluntary job first, usually in a charity shop, because very few places will hire you with no experience. I was the rare exception to the rule, but many of my friends worked weekends in charity shops for a couple of months between 14 and 16 so they could learn things like working a till, helping stock shelves, etc.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Dazi on September 29, 2013, 06:55:44 AM
My mother would scoff at volunteer work because one doesn't get paid.

She would also criticize me for going to the Met Gift Shop today to meet Placido Domingo.

My mother was the same way.  In fact, as a teenager, I was pretty much forbidden to do volunteer work.  If I wanted to work, then spend the time and effort on a "real" job.  I can imagine what she would have thought of the community service that many high school students must perform in order to graduate.


The problem with this is that, at least where I live, it's practically required to do a voluntary job first, usually in a charity shop, because very few places will hire you with no experience. I was the rare exception to the rule, but many of my friends worked weekends in charity shops for a couple of months between 14 and 16 so they could learn things like working a till, helping stock shelves, etc.

Volunteering was a requirement to graduate high school where I live.  You had to have at least a 100 hours IIRC.  There were a lot of kid scrambling Senior year trying to get those hours in...I had mine done Freshman year.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 29, 2013, 07:08:34 AM
Same here.  I did my hours all over the place. At church, candy striping, helping out with an adult care program, that kinda thing. I enjoyed it actually. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 29, 2013, 07:17:43 AM
In my high school years community service as being described here was not required.  We were required to do some volunteer time within the school itself during junior and senior year.  For me that meant being in the Speech Department's office during first period to help grade papers, type, or make copies.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Hmmmmm on September 29, 2013, 07:25:36 AM
Hugs to all of you who had to deal with so much parental criticism. The stories are making me sad.

But wondering if I'm the only parent reading these fearing I'll recognize myself in these stories.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mechtilde on September 29, 2013, 07:34:12 AM
They kept little boys in dresses until they were reliably potty-trained.  Easier to access the, er, working bits, you know.  And when a boy graduated to pants, it was a big ceremonial occasion.
Quote

Snipped the quote tree.

I wonder how long that went on for? I still have my Grandad's ayrshire whitework dress, and he was born in 1914.

As for odd criticisms- my mother never likes to see me in lilac or any sort of pale purple. She doesn't get why I like chunky jewelry either, and thinks it should be small and delicate. Which looks great on her- she's very petite, but not so good on plus sized me- you wouldn't even notice I was wearing anything!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 29, 2013, 07:40:03 AM
My mother would probably hate my jewelry designs, but I say that what's the point of jewelry people don't notice?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mbbored on September 29, 2013, 11:42:40 AM
I understand the dress thing for practicality, but ringlets after 1830?  [shakes head]

My grandfather came from a very wealthy and fashionable NYC family, so clearly they were still in style in the 1910s.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 29, 2013, 02:27:10 PM
Hugs to all of you who had to deal with so much parental criticism. The stories are making me sad.

But wondering if I'm the only parent reading these fearing I'll recognize myself in these stories.

I admit it makes me wonder just what my kids might someday say about me. I know I'm not perfect either, but I take some comfort in the fact that they all still want hugs and kisses from me and come to me with their problems.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Library Dragon on September 29, 2013, 02:32:53 PM
Hugs to all of you who had to deal with so much parental criticism. The stories are making me sad.

But wondering if I'm the only parent reading these fearing I'll recognize myself in these stories.

I admit it makes me wonder just what my kids might someday say about me. I know I'm not perfect either, but I take some comfort in the fact that they all still want hugs and kisses from me and come to me with their problems.

BC (Before Children) my goal was that my offspring not have to go to therapy.  Now I joke that I'll be happy if it's only a year or two.  My DSs find that funny.  DS1 assures me he's only needed a session or two.  ???  ;)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TootsNYC on September 29, 2013, 02:50:31 PM
Hugs to all of you who had to deal with so much parental criticism. The stories are making me sad.

But wondering if I'm the only parent reading these fearing I'll recognize myself in these stories.

I admit it makes me wonder just what my kids might someday say about me. I know I'm not perfect either, but I take some comfort in the fact that they all still want hugs and kisses from me and come to me with their problems.

Yeah, I worry a little too.

I've been trying to think of criticisms from my folks, and other than my dad crabbing about not emptying a suitcase when I came home from a trip, I can't really think of any.

I can vaguely remember having been criticized FAIRLY.

So I'm hoping that I'll have been shaped by my parents, and my kids won't really think that I criticize them much.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Rockie on September 29, 2013, 05:15:37 PM
My mother was adamant that I not register to vote (never mind just about everyone else in my family is...) and got mad at me when I did anyway while I was away at college. It was during a presidential election, so I needed an absentee ballot since I was in another state at the time. I never got it, so I couldn't even actually vote that year (and then she proceeded to rub it in my face when her candidate won - we don't see eye to eye politics wise ::) ). When I asked why, she said she didn't want me being called for jury duty. When I asked what was so bad about jury duty, she had no answer. ::) She at least seems to have gotten over that, though.

She's also criticized what field I wanted to go into and keep bringing up other fields she thought I should go into (and would get really pushy about it). Even when I did look into one of her suggestions (occupational therapy), she turned around and started saying it was a bad idea for me to go into it because I'd have to touch people a lot (yet she also suggested physical therapy and massage therapy as possible careers...oooookay...). When I pointed out she had suggested it and even had me talk to one of her patients who was in that field, she claimed "oh, it was just a suggestion, just exploring options". Whatever field I pick always seems to be wrong. For psychology: "but you'll be dealing with really crazy people and you'll get killed!" (ugh...) For speech therapy (wherein she even once offered to buy me a car if I would go into that instead of psych): "but you barely know how to talk yourself!"/"you sound like an FOB!". I give up...
Is there a chance you didn't get your absentee ballot because you Mom stole it to vote for her choice. I had a friend at school that that happened to. She had the same fight about her field, and ended up cutting her mom off as soon as she graduated. She was afraid I would think she was a terrible person because I have this huge extended family and was always doing things with them. I told her no we'll just adopt you into our family. (A good portion of my extended family are people that have dysfunctional families of their own - so they get invited to our stuff instead).

I actually hadn't thought of that (would that work if that was the case? o.o), though I'd requested the ballot be sent to my address at school, not home. Though both the state I went to school in and my home state are considered the opposite color of her candidate, so I don't even know that would've made a difference either way (plus the rest of my family votes the opposite of me anyway, so there'd be more than enough votes to "cancel" mine out even if I could vote then).

Oh, another story: one Christmas Eve I had on white pants. Mom insisted I change because it "wouldn't look good" that I was wearing white pants since my brother was wearing khakis (huh?). She refused to leave me alone about it until I grudgingly changed to blue jeans just to get her off my back and so we could leave for the party we were going to. Multiple people (including my other brother) were wearing blue jeans - I don't get why that was so different or what was so unacceptable about one person wearing white pants and the other khakis.  Though this is kind of part of a pattern where she'll heed my brothers's preferences but not mine. Brothers don't want to go somewhere? OK. I don't want to go? Too bad, going anyway. Brothers want a certain pizza topping? Sure, we'll get it. I want a different pizza topping? Nope, we're getting what your brothers want (even when said brothers said they were fine with what I picked). Brothers don't want an offered dish? Fine. I don't want a dish? Too bad, on my plate it goes (and they laughed if I pointed out I'd said no, I did not want it). And then she wonders why I have trouble saying no or what I want...

She also had something against me wearing dark colored (especially black) tops (but dark bottoms were OK by her), to the point where even when I had a black shirt picked out (which she had seen and bought) for my senior pictures she still sent me a bright pink top to wear instead.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 29, 2013, 07:34:37 PM
Hugs to all of you who had to deal with so much parental criticism. The stories are making me sad.

But wondering if I'm the only parent reading these fearing I'll recognize myself in these stories.

I admit it makes me wonder just what my kids might someday say about me. I know I'm not perfect either, but I take some comfort in the fact that they all still want hugs and kisses from me and come to me with their problems.

Yeah, I worry a little too.

I've been trying to think of criticisms from my folks, and other than my dad crabbing about not emptying a suitcase when I came home from a trip, I can't really think of any.

I can vaguely remember having been criticized FAIRLY.

So I'm hoping that I'll have been shaped by my parents, and my kids won't really think that I criticize them much.

My struggle at times is in dealing with my middle child who is an extrovert.  I like peace and quiet and solitude at times, but as long as he's awake he wants to be around people and have some kind of noise be it his mouth, a toy or the television.  It's challenging at times trying to balance teaching him quiet and solitude can be a good thing and being respectful of his extroverted nature.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: lady_disdain on September 29, 2013, 07:49:49 PM
I understand the dress thing for practicality, but ringlets after 1830?  [shakes head]

My grandfather came from a very wealthy and fashionable NYC family, so clearly they were still in style in the 1910s.

And wasn't Little Lord Flaunteroy described as having golden curls? That is late 19th century.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: weeblewobble on September 29, 2013, 08:19:34 PM
My mum accused me of lying about how bad my 'morning' sickness was when I was pregnant, until the day that I threw up on her shoes.



An inlaw we no longer speak to, who had never been pregnant, very smugly told me that morning sickness was psychosomatic and that we threw up because we were hormonal and over dramatic.  At the time, I was in the midst of all-day, no-warning, hair-trigger sickness and I had just walked out of the bathroom after getting wickedly ill.  Even my MIL, who is all about keeping the peace and family harmony, told this inlaw to shut her mouth and get out of my way before I psychosomatically let loose on her shoes. :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Asharah on September 29, 2013, 08:22:03 PM
My mother was adamant that I not register to vote (never mind just about everyone else in my family is...) and got mad at me when I did anyway while I was away at college. It was during a presidential election, so I needed an absentee ballot since I was in another state at the time. I never got it, so I couldn't even actually vote that year (and then she proceeded to rub it in my face when her candidate won - we don't see eye to eye politics wise ::) ). When I asked why, she said she didn't want me being called for jury duty. When I asked what was so bad about jury duty, she had no answer. ::) She at least seems to have gotten over that, though.

She's also criticized what field I wanted to go into and keep bringing up other fields she thought I should go into (and would get really pushy about it). Even when I did look into one of her suggestions (occupational therapy), she turned around and started saying it was a bad idea for me to go into it because I'd have to touch people a lot (yet she also suggested physical therapy and massage therapy as possible careers...oooookay...). When I pointed out she had suggested it and even had me talk to one of her patients who was in that field, she claimed "oh, it was just a suggestion, just exploring options". Whatever field I pick always seems to be wrong. For psychology: "but you'll be dealing with really crazy people and you'll get killed!" (ugh...) For speech therapy (wherein she even once offered to buy me a car if I would go into that instead of psych): "but you barely know how to talk yourself!"/"you sound like an FOB!". I give up...
Is there a chance you didn't get your absentee ballot because you Mom stole it to vote for her choice. I had a friend at school that that happened to. She had the same fight about her field, and ended up cutting her mom off as soon as she graduated. She was afraid I would think she was a terrible person because I have this huge extended family and was always doing things with them. I told her no we'll just adopt you into our family. (A good portion of my extended family are people that have dysfunctional families of their own - so they get invited to our stuff instead).

I actually hadn't thought of that (would that work if that was the case? o.o), though I'd requested the ballot be sent to my address at school, not home. Though both the state I went to school in and my home state are considered the opposite color of her candidate, so I don't even know that would've made a difference either way (plus the rest of my family votes the opposite of me anyway, so there'd be more than enough votes to "cancel" mine out even if I could vote then).

Oh, another story: one Christmas Eve I had on white pants. Mom insisted I change because it "wouldn't look good" that I was wearing white pants since my brother was wearing khakis (huh?). She refused to leave me alone about it until I grudgingly changed to blue jeans just to get her off my back and so we could leave for the party we were going to. Multiple people (including my other brother) were wearing blue jeans - I don't get why that was so different or what was so unacceptable about one person wearing white pants and the other khakis.  Though this is kind of part of a pattern where she'll heed my brothers's preferences but not mine. Brothers don't want to go somewhere? OK. I don't want to go? Too bad, going anyway. Brothers want a certain pizza topping? Sure, we'll get it. I want a different pizza topping? Nope, we're getting what your brothers want (even when said brothers said they were fine with what I picked). Brothers don't want an offered dish? Fine. I don't want a dish? Too bad, on my plate it goes (and they laughed if I pointed out I'd said no, I did not want it). And then she wonders why I have trouble saying no or what I want...

She also had something against me wearing dark colored (especially black) tops (but dark bottoms were OK by her), to the point where even when I had a black shirt picked out (which she had seen and bought) for my senior pictures she still sent me a bright pink top to wear instead.
I wonder what she would do if you scraped the offending item off your plate onto the tablecloth with a blunt, "I told you I didn't want that."
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TootsNYC on September 29, 2013, 09:38:37 PM

My struggle at times is in dealing with my middle child who is an extrovert.  I like peace and quiet and solitude at times, but as long as he's awake he wants to be around people and have some kind of noise be it his mouth, a toy or the television.  It's challenging at times trying to balance teaching him quiet and solitude can be a good thing and being respectful of his extroverted nature.

Someone recently told me a definition of an extrovert that was finally HELPFUL to me (an extrovert).
   Her definition was that extroverts have to talk to think. We think outloud.
    And introverts don't; they think, then they talk; talking derails their thinking process.

I found this was like a lightbulb going off! So now I try to find ways to think by writing instead.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Sahaira on September 29, 2013, 10:34:40 PM
My mom gives me crap for enjoying thrift stores and discount retailers. Which is weird because we were quite poor when I was young and Target was as fancy as we got for school clothes. I like TJ Maxx, mom says all they sell is trash. I get it, mom, you have an empty nest and you and dad are more financially comfortable. We are not, we are struggling financially and can't afford to splurge on high-end electronics and expensive clothes.

I made the mistake of telling her that a pair of yoga pants I bought had shrunk and I couldn't wear them anymore. She asked where I got them, I said Tj Maxx...

I can NOT possibly convey the level of smugness she displayed in her reply. Imagine the most smug, self-satisfied smile accompanied by an "mmm-HMM."

I seethe with rage when I think about it. Thankfully my mom is usually really cool, if a little out of touch with our reality of being just out of college and struggling with finances.

I guess I just have a low tolerance for smuggity.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Mel the Redcap on September 29, 2013, 10:45:34 PM
My mom gives me crap for enjoying thrift stores and discount retailers. Which is weird because we were quite poor when I was young and Target was as fancy as we got for school clothes.

Maybe it's because she HAD to shop there and had no choice (being poor), so now that she doesn't have to she's emotionally completely against it?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Captain Hastings on September 29, 2013, 10:53:03 PM
Growing up I had stupidly-long hair. It was thick and heavy and limp and I never learned how to do anything with it except put it into a pony tail, and it gave me headaches all the time (and oh gosh was I tender-headed!) According to a friend it sometimes made me look 12 and sometimes made me look 30 (not something a teenage girl wanted to hear.)

My dad wouldn't let me cut it.

When I was 17 I was at the mall with friends and decided to get it chopped off. It was a bit longer than shoulder length, nothing radical, a bit curled up at the ends, very similar to my own mother's hairstyle--my friends said it looked amazing, my mom praised it, I felt like I was walking on air. This was 10+ years ago, but I still remember exactly how I felt as I walked into my father's office, this great big goofy grin my face, absolutely positive he was going to take one look and be flabbergasted and do nothing but gush about pretty and normal his daughter looked.

Instead he scowled at me, yelled at me to get out and didn't speak to me for a week.

 :-\

A while after that I tried out various hairstyles including some fairly short, stylish cuts. Dear ol' Dad told me there was a verse in the bible specifically saying angels didn't protect women with short hair.

 >:(

Nowadays I don't care what he thinks of my head, of course; although when I was shaving my head last year I made sure to be freshly shorn before visiting his house.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: nuit93 on September 29, 2013, 11:37:51 PM
My mom gives me crap for enjoying thrift stores and discount retailers. Which is weird because we were quite poor when I was young and Target was as fancy as we got for school clothes. I like TJ Maxx, mom says all they sell is trash. I get it, mom, you have an empty nest and you and dad are more financially comfortable. We are not, we are struggling financially and can't afford to splurge on high-end electronics and expensive clothes.

I made the mistake of telling her that a pair of yoga pants I bought had shrunk and I couldn't wear them anymore. She asked where I got them, I said Tj Maxx...

I can NOT possibly convey the level of smugness she displayed in her reply. Imagine the most smug, self-satisfied smile accompanied by an "mmm-HMM."

I seethe with rage when I think about it. Thankfully my mom is usually really cool, if a little out of touch with our reality of being just out of college and struggling with finances.

I guess I just have a low tolerance for smuggity.

My mom is kind of like that too. 

We weren't well off when I was growing up, and even though we lived in a more high-end city and many of my classmates had designer clothes, I had resigned myself to the fact that Target was as nice as it was gonna get.

Fast forward 20 years, she's remarried to someone well off, my sister has married someone well off, and my boyfriend and I were doing well until he had to be hospitalized twice in as many years.  Now she doesn't understand why we're not in the market to buy a house yet and we must be doing something wasteful to not have the money.  Yeah...we wasted our savings on medical bills.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 30, 2013, 06:08:46 AM

My struggle at times is in dealing with my middle child who is an extrovert.  I like peace and quiet and solitude at times, but as long as he's awake he wants to be around people and have some kind of noise be it his mouth, a toy or the television.  It's challenging at times trying to balance teaching him quiet and solitude can be a good thing and being respectful of his extroverted nature.

Someone recently told me a definition of an extrovert that was finally HELPFUL to me (an extrovert).
   Her definition was that extroverts have to talk to think. We think outloud.
    And introverts don't; they think, then they talk; talking derails their thinking process.

I found this was like a lightbulb going off! So now I try to find ways to think by writing instead.

That is very helpful, and definitely makes sense.  There are times when my son isn't even audibly speaking but his lips are moving as he's thinking to himself.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Asharah on September 30, 2013, 09:02:42 AM
Growing up I had stupidly-long hair. It was thick and heavy and limp and I never learned how to do anything with it except put it into a pony tail, and it gave me headaches all the time (and oh gosh was I tender-headed!) According to a friend it sometimes made me look 12 and sometimes made me look 30 (not something a teenage girl wanted to hear.)

My dad wouldn't let me cut it.

When I was 17 I was at the mall with friends and decided to get it chopped off. It was a bit longer than shoulder length, nothing radical, a bit curled up at the ends, very similar to my own mother's hairstyle--my friends said it looked amazing, my mom praised it, I felt like I was walking on air. This was 10+ years ago, but I still remember exactly how I felt as I walked into my father's office, this great big goofy grin my face, absolutely positive he was going to take one look and be flabbergasted and do nothing but gush about pretty and normal his daughter looked.

Instead he scowled at me, yelled at me to get out and didn't speak to me for a week.

 :-\

A while after that I tried out various hairstyles including some fairly short, stylish cuts. Dear ol' Dad told me there was a verse in the bible specifically saying angels didn't protect women with short hair.
 >:(

Nowadays I don't care what he thinks of my head, of course; although when I was shaving my head last year I made sure to be freshly shorn before visiting his house.
Haven't heard that one, but I think there might be something about women with long hair should cover it when going out to prevent enticing lustfull angels into sexual liasons that can result in monsterous offspring. That might actually be part of or a reference to The Book Of Enoch, which didn't make accepted scriptural cannon but was widely read during actual Biblical and early Christian Era.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 30, 2013, 09:18:04 AM
I would have been tempted to remind him that the bible also spoke against wearing clothes made from two different kinds of fabrics and start checking the labels of his shirts.  >:D

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 30, 2013, 09:53:19 AM
Sometime before Blanche and her wasband moved out of the city I took her place in a haunted house thing.  He was upset because she had recently cut her hair from mid-back to shoulder length.  When we were driving to the location somehow the subject of long hair came up and I asked him why men prefer long hair on women.  When he replied that it was so men could keep women in line he grabbed my hair.

I was too shocked to react at the time.  It was also not possible to exit the car.  He was such a Jeckyll and Hyde.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: MommyPenguin on September 30, 2013, 10:12:48 AM
Or just remind him that (assuming he's a Christian), we're no longer living under the Old Law.  Hence why we can mix fabrics, eat shellfish, etc.  We now live under the New Law, which says it's not what goes into a man's mouth, but what comes out of his mouth, that makes him unclean.  Plus, yeah, there's a reason some things are considered apocryphal, because they are generally considered to be false gospel, like what Paul complains about in Galatians.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on September 30, 2013, 10:16:00 AM
On the topic of cutting long hair:  about 20 years ago I cut my hair into a bob that was just above my shoulders.  I thought it looked cute, and so did my husband (that's what he said, anyway).  You wouldn't believe the number of people who asked me "But what does (Husband) think of it?  What did he say?  Was he mad?"  Bewildered, I said "Why on earth should he be mad?  It's MY hair." 

Back to parents being critical - my MIL loves criticizing my daughters.  When my girls were young, MIL told off one or the other or both of them for:

- sucking her thumb (my younger one did this 'til she was 3)
- not walking as early as her cousin (older daughter didn't walk until she was 18 months)
- not being pottytrained as early as her cousin
- reading "inappropriate" books like Goosebumps
- not having a boyfriend (this was when my older daughter was 16)

And MIL wonders why my daughters don't like spending time with her ... ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Dazi on September 30, 2013, 10:38:39 AM
^^^ Shalamar,
I had nearly identical conversations with people when I cut my thigh legnth hair off to my chin.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on September 30, 2013, 10:41:48 AM
Shalamar, I wouldn't hesitate to tell her.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Gail on September 30, 2013, 10:50:02 AM
Speaking of hair...

One of the things I have to complain about is that my mother didn't allow me to care about my own hair. From childhood she told me that my hair was special, and too thick and coarse, and I wouldn't be able to manage it when wet. And I believed her  :-[  She washed it, combed it and style it, and at 17 I had to have a screaming row with her to get to care about it myself.

The result was that I cared for it myself, but didn't know how. My mother refused to teach me, she wanted to do it herself, and I couldn't let her, or we would be at square one again. So I did what I could (bad ponytail, or nothing at all) and she spent every moment she could telling me how ugly my hair was and how pretty it was before  :(

I still have a huge complex with my hair, but I'm getting better. And I discovered a year ago that I can make little curls on it, and I like that a lot  :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: DaisyG on September 30, 2013, 10:55:44 AM
They kept little boys in dresses until they were reliably potty-trained.  Easier to access the, er, working bits, you know.  And when a boy graduated to pants, it was a big ceremonial occasion.
Quote

Snipped the quote tree.

I wonder how long that went on for? I still have my Grandad's ayrshire whitework dress, and he was born in 1914.


At my uncle's house, there is a picture of my grandpa (b. 1925) in a white dress, white socks and black shoes and blonde chin-length wavy hair. According to him, this was his 'best' outfit; he wore shorts for 'everyday' wear as a child even in winter.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 30, 2013, 11:05:25 AM

...   And MIL wonders why my daughters don't like spending time with her ... ::)

Shalamar, I wouldn't hesitate to tell her.

I agree with Venus.  I'd tell her too, in no uncertain terms!

Not only was she insulting your daughters over petty things, she was also implying that you were somehow "failing" your children by not 'teaching' them not to suck their thumbs, walk earlier and learn to use the potty sooner.  I'd not only let her know why the kids don't enjoy her company, I'd let her know that it affects my enjoyment of being around her too.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Kimblee on September 30, 2013, 11:33:53 AM
Sometime before Blanche and her wasband moved out of the city I took her place in a haunted house thing.  He was upset because she had recently cut her hair from mid-back to shoulder length.  When we were driving to the location somehow the subject of long hair came up and I asked him why men prefer long hair on women.  When he replied that it was so men could keep women in line he grabbed my hair.

I was too shocked to react at the time.  It was also not possible to exit the car.  He was such a Jeckyll and Hyde.

Huh. I was told the "reason men like long haired women" was because when women walk they "strut" and their hair swishes over their back when they strut and...

My mentor on this matter didn't finish, he got a glazed look in his eye, stared at my aunt, chuckled then told me to go find him another beer. God bless my uncle.

Other words of wisdom: If i wanted to keep my husband looking at me, not other women, I should leave the door open and brush my teeth with no shirt on. ::) He gave me this advice when i was several years older than when he told me about women and why long hair is attractive. Like most of his "ask a man" advice it derailed into him ogling my aunt.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Nibsey on September 30, 2013, 11:37:21 AM
Sometime before Blanche and her wasband moved out of the city I took her place in a haunted house thing.  He was upset because she had recently cut her hair from mid-back to shoulder length.  When we were driving to the location somehow the subject of long hair came up and I asked him why men prefer long hair on women.  When he replied that it was so men could keep women in line he grabbed my hair.

I was too shocked to react at the time.  It was also not possible to exit the car.  He was such a Jeckyll and Hyde.

Huh. I was told the "reason men like long haired women" was because when women walk they "strut" and their hair swishes over their back when they strut and...

My mentor on this matter didn't finish, he got a glazed look in his eye, stared at my aunt, chuckled then told me to go find him another beer. God bless my uncle.

Other words of wisdom: If i wanted to keep my husband looking at me, not other women, I should leave the door open and brush my teeth with no shirt on. ::) He gave me this advice when i was several years older than when he told me about women and why long hair is attractive. Like most of his "ask a man" advice it derailed into him ogling my aunt.

That's so sweet.  :D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on September 30, 2013, 12:27:01 PM

Huh. I was told the "reason men like long haired women" was because when women walk they "strut" and their hair swishes over their back when they strut and...

My mentor on this matter didn't finish, he got a glazed look in his eye, stared at my aunt, chuckled then told me to go find him another beer. God bless my uncle.

Other words of wisdom: If i wanted to keep my husband looking at me, not other women, I should leave the door open and brush my teeth with no shirt on. ::) He gave me this advice when i was several years older than when he told me about women and why long hair is attractive. Like most of his "ask a man" advice it derailed into him ogling my aunt.

Well, at least we have to give him credit that the only person he was ogling was his own wife.   :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Hillia on September 30, 2013, 12:39:29 PM
They kept little boys in dresses until they were reliably potty-trained.  Easier to access the, er, working bits, you know.  And when a boy graduated to pants, it was a big ceremonial occasion.
Quote

Snipped the quote tree.

I wonder how long that went on for? I still have my Grandad's ayrshire whitework dress, and he was born in 1914.


And Ernest Hemingway's mother kept him in dresses til he was 2, and pretty sailor suits after that

http://www.pbs.org/hemingwayadventure/michigan.html (http://www.pbs.org/hemingwayadventure/michigan.html)

At my uncle's house, there is a picture of my grandpa (b. 1925) in a white dress, white socks and black shoes and blonde chin-length wavy hair. According to him, this was his 'best' outfit; he wore shorts for 'everyday' wear as a child even in winter.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 30, 2013, 12:48:38 PM
Drinking too much at a meal. As in, finishing a glass of water or tea before the entree comes. Then getting or asking for another.

I don't care anymore what they think, and that is a positive thing!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Moralia on September 30, 2013, 06:52:28 PM
Sometime before Blanche and her wasband moved out of the city I took her place in a haunted house thing.  He was upset because she had recently cut her hair from mid-back to shoulder length.  When we were driving to the location somehow the subject of long hair came up and I asked him why men prefer long hair on women.  When he replied that it was so men could keep women in line he grabbed my hair.

I was too shocked to react at the time.  It was also not possible to exit the car.  He was such a Jeckyll and Hyde.

Huh. I was told the "reason men like long haired women" was because when women walk they "strut" and their hair swishes over their back when they strut and...

My mentor on this matter didn't finish, he got a glazed look in his eye, stared at my aunt, chuckled then told me to go find him another beer. God bless my uncle.

Other words of wisdom: If i wanted to keep my husband looking at me, not other women, I should leave the door open and brush my teeth with no shirt on. ::) He gave me this advice when i was several years older than when he told me about women and why long hair is attractive. Like most of his "ask a man" advice it derailed into him ogling my aunt.

That's so sweet.  :D
Aw! That is so cute! A bit pervy, but in a good way.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Optimoose Prime on September 30, 2013, 10:54:50 PM
Oh, the hair.  My mother insisted that I have long hair growing up.  Mine is fine textured and very straight.  It also has a tendency to snarl easily.  I got sick of trying to comb it out all the time plus it will not hold any curl at all.  Very hard in the 1980s, when big hair was in.  Anyway, it is very short now.  Like pixie short.  My mother would still say, "you looked so much better with long hair,"with a sad expression.  I wish I had the guts to say, "So I look like crap now?"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Pen^2 on September 30, 2013, 11:42:20 PM
^^^ Shalamar,
I had nearly identical conversations with people when I cut my thigh legnth hair off to my chin.

I misread this as, "... when I cut my thigh length hair off my chin."

I thought you were Dumbledore for a moment!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: dietcokeofevil on October 01, 2013, 12:11:52 AM
Not my story, but a lady I used to work with.  One of her father's rules was that they had to eat everything on their plate, including eating plain ketchup if they poured too much.   One time when she was around 12,  they were visiting relatives and her Uncle got two of the dishes mixed up and he served her the wrong thing.  He apologized and told her not to worry about it, but her Dad threw a fit and made her sit at the table until bedtime because she wouldn't eat it.  Then at bedtime he told her that God didn't love her anymore since she didn't listen.  After that he basically wrote her off and didn't talk to her.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on October 01, 2013, 05:57:22 AM
Not my story, but a lady I used to work with.  One of her father's rules was that they had to eat everything on their plate, including eating plain ketchup if they poured too much.   One time when she was around 12,  they were visiting relatives and her Uncle got two of the dishes mixed up and he served her the wrong thing.  He apologized and told her not to worry about it, but her Dad threw a fit and made her sit at the table until bedtime because she wouldn't eat it.  Then at bedtime he told her that God didn't love her anymore since she didn't listen.  After that he basically wrote her off and didn't talk to her.
[/b]

That is appalling.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 01, 2013, 06:03:18 AM
Jaw meet floor!  What an appalling person! >:(
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: weeblewobble on October 01, 2013, 06:54:57 AM
All of these stories of parents/spouses trying to "take over" a girl/woman's hair remind me of a conversation we had in a college psychology class about cultural notions that a woman's power is in her hair.  (Her "crowning glory" is her hair.  Her social perception and appeal to the opposite sex is based on whether she is blond, brunette or redhead.  Long, luxurious hair makes her desirable, but super-short hair or hair that is unkempt and badly maintained says something negative about personality. Etc.) 

It strikes me as sort of upsetting that so many fathers, mothers and partners would try to control what is perceived as a female's power, even subconsciously. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on October 01, 2013, 07:44:10 AM
My mom didn't like long hair on us, her daughters. What did she like? Perms. Not spiral perms, tight and poodle like perms.

So once a month or so, operation perming would commence. Thank God that my hair sheds perms within a few days. Poodle hair is not for me.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on October 01, 2013, 07:55:11 AM
Mine kept trying to get me to cut my hair to her style once I was out of college.  I eventually realized that she was never able to grow her hair to the same length.

Also that she wanted a clone rather than a daughter but that's too far beyond the scope of this forum to say more here.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 01, 2013, 08:33:44 AM
My mom liked my hair short.  I was able to grow it to my waist but when I was 8 it was chopped off to a bob.  It managed to grow out some more and then in 7th grade she talked me into cutting it super short.  I regretted it immediately, as in walking out to the car from the salon I said "Well at least I got the bangs I've been wanting..."

I got teased for quite a while after getting that cut by idiots who assumed that a girl with a short pixie cut= butch lesbian.  ::) And I had to keep that cut till after one of my aunts got married since I was in the wedding.  After that I was allowed to grow it out but my hair just doesn't grow out all that pretty.

So I guess for a while I had this thing about being in control of my own hair length.  I don't think I'll ever get it cut as short as it was in 7th grade. Ever.  I like being able to pull it up even into a short stubby ponytail.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: RebeccainGA on October 01, 2013, 08:39:44 AM
I just remembered one of my 'CRUD MONKEYS!, I'm turning into my grandmother' moments that started off as a ridiculous thing she criticized us for. When we were younger (under 18, but not little anymore) she would take me shopping for clothes a few times a year (grandparents all but raised us). When it came time to buy underthings, I'd gravitate to the dark colors (having PCOS, my cycle wasn't always predictable, and dark colors showed mistakes less). My grandmother would always get outraged when I picked out black ones, though - she'd say "your mother would kill me if we came home with black panties!" I swore I'd NEVER restrict my kid's choices that way - it was ridiculous!

Then I took my (brand new to me) stepdaughter, then 11, shopping for underthings. She wanted to buy several pairs of black panties. I said "your mother would kill me if we came home with black panties!". Then I clapped my hand over my mouth, and put all six pairs in the cart. She looked at me like I was nuts until I explained the story, and since then (even now, ten years later) she teases me about buying her black panties.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 01, 2013, 08:41:43 AM
My mom liked my hair short.  I was able to grow it to my waist but when I was 8 it was chopped off to a bob.  It managed to grow out some more and then in 7th grade she talked me into cutting it super short.  I regretted it immediately, as in walking out to the car from the salon I said "Well at least I got the bangs I've been wanting..."

I got teased for quite a while after getting that cut by idiots who assumed that a girl with a short pixie cut= butch lesbian.  ::) And I had to keep that cut till after one of my aunts got married since I was in the wedding.  After that I was allowed to grow it out but my hair just doesn't grow out all that pretty.

So I guess for a while I had this thing about being in control of my own hair length.  I don't think I'll ever get it cut as short as it was in 7th grade. Ever.  I like being able to pull it up even into a short stubby ponytail.

My parents had an unending power struggle over my hair. My dad wanted it long at all times (because of the same lesbian stereotype), banning even trims for split ends, and my mom always wanted me to have a cute bob, which is sort of uber-meh with my hair type. Fittingly enough, I think I'd happily keep it right below my shoulders forever and ever.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: scotcat60 on October 01, 2013, 08:48:09 AM
They kept little boys in dresses until they were reliably potty-trained.  Easier to access the, er, working bits, you know.  And when a boy graduated to pants, it was a big ceremonial occasion.

I recall similar pictures of boys in paintings from the colonial era as well as the Victorian. 

The big ceremonial occasion was called "Breeching" i.e the boy got his first pair of tousers, or breeches. There is a painting of the children of Charles I, and the child who looks like a girl in a long blue dress is actually James Duke of York., late James II.

My Mum said there was a photo of he brother, born 1910, which showed him with Lord Fauntleroy ringlets and velvet suit, and holding a daffodil. She used to say she wondered what happened to it, maybe Uncle Wally quietly lost it...
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Twik on October 01, 2013, 08:54:12 AM
There's a darling picture of a child with gold ringlets and a lace dress that I thought was my aunt, until I was told it was my father.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Carotte on October 01, 2013, 08:57:39 AM
I just remembered one of my 'CRUD MONKEYS!, I'm turning into my grandmother' moments that started off as a ridiculous thing she criticized us for. When we were younger (under 18, but not little anymore) she would take me shopping for clothes a few times a year (grandparents all but raised us). When it came time to buy underthings, I'd gravitate to the dark colors (having PCOS, my cycle wasn't always predictable, and dark colors showed mistakes less). My grandmother would always get outraged when I picked out black ones, though - she'd say "your mother would kill me if we came home with black panties!" I swore I'd NEVER restrict my kid's choices that way - it was ridiculous!

Then I took my (brand new to me) stepdaughter, then 11, shopping for underthings. She wanted to buy several pairs of black panties. I said "your mother would kill me if we came home with black panties!". Then I clapped my hand over my mouth, and put all six pairs in the cart. She looked at me like I was nuts until I explained the story, and since then (even now, ten years later) she teases me about buying her black panties.

I have a faint memory of a classmate telling me (at 11 or 12 y/old) that only girls who hade played scrabble (or gotten the box out, maybe arranged the tiles  ::)) wore black undergarnments.
It was either about black or red ones.
I wonder if that's the same thing your grandmother thought, that black is provocative, white is pure 'little-girl' suitable.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 01, 2013, 09:08:54 AM
I just remembered one of my 'CRUD MONKEYS!, I'm turning into my grandmother' moments that started off as a ridiculous thing she criticized us for. When we were younger (under 18, but not little anymore) she would take me shopping for clothes a few times a year (grandparents all but raised us). When it came time to buy underthings, I'd gravitate to the dark colors (having PCOS, my cycle wasn't always predictable, and dark colors showed mistakes less). My grandmother would always get outraged when I picked out black ones, though - she'd say "your mother would kill me if we came home with black panties!" I swore I'd NEVER restrict my kid's choices that way - it was ridiculous!

Then I took my (brand new to me) stepdaughter, then 11, shopping for underthings. She wanted to buy several pairs of black panties. I said "your mother would kill me if we came home with black panties!". Then I clapped my hand over my mouth, and put all six pairs in the cart. She looked at me like I was nuts until I explained the story, and since then (even now, ten years later) she teases me about buying her black panties.

I have a faint memory of a classmate telling me (at 11 or 12 y/old) that only girls who hade played scrabble (or gotten the box out, maybe arranged the tiles  ::)) wore black undergarnments.
It was either about black or red ones.
I wonder if that's the same thing your grandmother thought, that black is provocative, white is pure 'little-girl' suitable.

Black really is great though, especially for teenage girls who aren't quite familiar with their cycle yet, and I have to credit my mom for actually recommending black undies to me for exactly that reason. Not black lace sequined thongs or anything, but just plain old cotton briefs that happened to be black. I'm 35 now and I still get annoyed that those 6-packs of undies always seem to have 3 pairs of white. I think I still subconsciously worry I'll wreck them, plus I always feel like Mary Katherine Gallagher.  ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 01, 2013, 09:13:29 AM
They kept little boys in dresses until they were reliably potty-trained.  Easier to access the, er, working bits, you know.  And when a boy graduated to pants, it was a big ceremonial occasion.

I recall similar pictures of boys in paintings from the colonial era as well as the Victorian. 

The big ceremonial occasion was called "Breeching" i.e the boy got his first pair of tousers, or breeches. There is a painting of the children of Charles I, and the child who looks like a girl in a long blue dress is actually James Duke of York., late James II.

My Mum said there was a photo of he brother, born 1910, which showed him with Lord Fauntleroy ringlets and velvet suit, and holding a daffodil. She used to say she wondered what happened to it, maybe Uncle Wally quietly lost it...

One of DH's half cousins has a son who's 12 now but when he was a toddler his mother used to dress him up in little Lord Fauntleroy outfits. I wouldn't blame the kid if he chose to hide those now. 

Though my MIL tells me that for a good while, no matter how boyishly she dressed DH when he was a toddler, his big blue eyes and blonde ringlets had people assuming he was a little girl.  She finally took him to get those curls chopped off, which she hated to do but once it was done people stopped taking him for a girl. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on October 01, 2013, 09:45:14 AM
The black panties stories remind me of my own childhood. 

 In the 1950s, a set of 'Day of the Week' underpants were a common gift.  Unless  they were for a very small girl, Friday and Saturday were usually red and black.  I was never allowed to wear the red or the black ones. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: MommyPenguin on October 01, 2013, 09:46:26 AM
I just remembered one of my 'CRUD MONKEYS!, I'm turning into my grandmother' moments that started off as a ridiculous thing she criticized us for. When we were younger (under 18, but not little anymore) she would take me shopping for clothes a few times a year (grandparents all but raised us). When it came time to buy underthings, I'd gravitate to the dark colors (having PCOS, my cycle wasn't always predictable, and dark colors showed mistakes less). My grandmother would always get outraged when I picked out black ones, though - she'd say "your mother would kill me if we came home with black panties!" I swore I'd NEVER restrict my kid's choices that way - it was ridiculous!

Then I took my (brand new to me) stepdaughter, then 11, shopping for underthings. She wanted to buy several pairs of black panties. I said "your mother would kill me if we came home with black panties!". Then I clapped my hand over my mouth, and put all six pairs in the cart. She looked at me like I was nuts until I explained the story, and since then (even now, ten years later) she teases me about buying her black panties.

I have a faint memory of a classmate telling me (at 11 or 12 y/old) that only girls who hade played scrabble (or gotten the box out, maybe arranged the tiles  ::)) wore black undergarnments.
It was either about black or red ones.
I wonder if that's the same thing your grandmother thought, that black is provocative, white is pure 'little-girl' suitable.

Isn't there something like that in the movie "Ten Things I Hate About You?"  The younger sister is helping a guy look through her sister's stuff, because they want to get somebody to date the older sister so that the younger sister is allowed to date, too (it's complicated).  Looking through her sister's underwear drawer, she comments something about how that means that her sister wants to have sex.  The boy is confused.  She explains that a girl only buys black underwear if she expects somebody to see them.  <rolls eyes>  I totally have black underwear, because sometimes it looks best under certain clothes!  I also think colors are a lot more fun than white.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on October 01, 2013, 10:17:00 AM
I just remembered one of my 'CRUD MONKEYS!, I'm turning into my grandmother' moments that started off as a ridiculous thing she criticized us for. When we were younger (under 18, but not little anymore) she would take me shopping for clothes a few times a year (grandparents all but raised us). When it came time to buy underthings, I'd gravitate to the dark colors (having PCOS, my cycle wasn't always predictable, and dark colors showed mistakes less). My grandmother would always get outraged when I picked out black ones, though - she'd say "your mother would kill me if we came home with black panties!" I swore I'd NEVER restrict my kid's choices that way - it was ridiculous!

Then I took my (brand new to me) stepdaughter, then 11, shopping for underthings. She wanted to buy several pairs of black panties. I said "your mother would kill me if we came home with black panties!". Then I clapped my hand over my mouth, and put all six pairs in the cart. She looked at me like I was nuts until I explained the story, and since then (even now, ten years later) she teases me about buying her black panties.

Yes, I was lectured strongly by my mother and maternal grandmother that proper girls only wore white full-coverage underwear and don'tcha know that any other color or style will give you infections?

Later, when I was 25, my BF's mother told me the same thing. I ignored all three once I bought my own.

I have never seen a poster or booklet at the GYN that mentioned a correlation between underwear colors/styles and infections.  ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: AfleetAlex on October 01, 2013, 10:26:49 AM
The black panties stories remind me of my own childhood. 

 In the 1950s, a set of 'Day of the Week' underpants were a common gift.  Unless  they were for a very small girl, Friday and Saturday were usually red and black.  I was never allowed to wear the red or the black ones.

Please tell me I'm not the only person who suddenly had a "When Harry Met Sally" flashback.
"They don't make Sundays. *whispers* Because of God."
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mbbored on October 01, 2013, 10:36:19 AM
Add me to the chorus of women who's mothers try and control their hair.

My mother has had variations on the same haircut since 1975. It works for her. However, it does not work for me because of made-up things like hair texture and bone structure. Everytime I see her, she sighs and says "You're wearing your hair weird again."

Yeah, because medium to long hair with layers and some form of bang is so weird.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 01, 2013, 10:48:58 AM
I just remembered one of my 'CRUD MONKEYS!, I'm turning into my grandmother' moments that started off as a ridiculous thing she criticized us for. When we were younger (under 18, but not little anymore) she would take me shopping for clothes a few times a year (grandparents all but raised us). When it came time to buy underthings, I'd gravitate to the dark colors (having PCOS, my cycle wasn't always predictable, and dark colors showed mistakes less). My grandmother would always get outraged when I picked out black ones, though - she'd say "your mother would kill me if we came home with black panties!" I swore I'd NEVER restrict my kid's choices that way - it was ridiculous!

Then I took my (brand new to me) stepdaughter, then 11, shopping for underthings. She wanted to buy several pairs of black panties. I said "your mother would kill me if we came home with black panties!". Then I clapped my hand over my mouth, and put all six pairs in the cart. She looked at me like I was nuts until I explained the story, and since then (even now, ten years later) she teases me about buying her black panties.

Yes, I was lectured strongly by my mother and maternal grandmother that proper girls only wore white full-coverage underwear and don'tcha know that any other color or style will give you infections?

Later, when I was 25, my BF's mother told me the same thing. I ignored all three once I bought my own.

I have never seen a poster or booklet at the GYN that mentioned a correlation between underwear colors/styles and infections.  ::)

I think the only thing that might correlate is fabric type, which is why even some of the schnazzy ones will have a cotton gusset. But I have no idea how dyeing the fabric would cause an infection!  ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Carotte on October 01, 2013, 10:54:02 AM
Well, the dye or fabric treatment could cause a problem, but you know, underwear companies never heard of quality control and are more than happy to sell law-suit riddled underpants  ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Elfmama on October 01, 2013, 11:05:06 AM

Yes, I was lectured strongly by my mother and maternal grandmother that proper girls only wore white full-coverage underwear and don'tcha know that any other color or style will give you infections?

Later, when I was 25, my BF's mother told me the same thing. I ignored all three once I bought my own.

I have never seen a poster or booklet at the GYN that mentioned a correlation between underwear colors/styles and infections.  ::)
Colors and styles, no, but I do seem to remember reading that nylon panties, because they don't breathe the way cotton ones do, can exacerbate a tendency to yeast infections (thrush, in the UK.) 

I wear bikini panties, and my mother was horrified the last time I washed clothes at her house.  "Aren't those thongs uncomfortable?" (http://www3.telus.net/smile/images/laugh3.gif)  Because they were smaller than her granny briefs, they HAD to be thongs!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: nuit93 on October 01, 2013, 11:16:00 AM
I just remembered one of my 'CRUD MONKEYS!, I'm turning into my grandmother' moments that started off as a ridiculous thing she criticized us for. When we were younger (under 18, but not little anymore) she would take me shopping for clothes a few times a year (grandparents all but raised us). When it came time to buy underthings, I'd gravitate to the dark colors (having PCOS, my cycle wasn't always predictable, and dark colors showed mistakes less). My grandmother would always get outraged when I picked out black ones, though - she'd say "your mother would kill me if we came home with black panties!" I swore I'd NEVER restrict my kid's choices that way - it was ridiculous!

Then I took my (brand new to me) stepdaughter, then 11, shopping for underthings. She wanted to buy several pairs of black panties. I said "your mother would kill me if we came home with black panties!". Then I clapped my hand over my mouth, and put all six pairs in the cart. She looked at me like I was nuts until I explained the story, and since then (even now, ten years later) she teases me about buying her black panties.

I have a faint memory of a classmate telling me (at 11 or 12 y/old) that only girls who hade played scrabble (or gotten the box out, maybe arranged the tiles  ::)) wore black undergarnments.
It was either about black or red ones.
I wonder if that's the same thing your grandmother thought, that black is provocative, white is pure 'little-girl' suitable.

I think there's a movie quote about that also, from 10 Things I Hate About You.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 01, 2013, 11:35:25 AM
The black panties stories remind me of my own childhood. 

 In the 1950s, a set of 'Day of the Week' underpants were a common gift.  Unless  they were for a very small girl, Friday and Saturday were usually red and black.  I was never allowed to wear the red or the black ones.

Brings to mind a character from Miss Congeniality.  Miss Rhode Island confessed she once stole red underwear from a department store, saying "My mother wouldn't buy them for me cause she said they were Satan's panties!"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: PastryGoddess on October 01, 2013, 12:08:23 PM
It's funny because my mother and other female relatives taught me that black panties were a must under white and light colored clothes. 

Although it did take until I was out of the house for them to stop harassing me about wearing slips under everything...even in the summer.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 01, 2013, 12:11:05 PM
It's funny because my mother and other female relatives taught me that black panties were a must under white and light colored clothes. 

Although it did take until I was out of the house for them to stop harassing me about wearing slips under everything...even in the summer.

I was always told beige undies for white clothes. I do remember a lot of slips when I was a kid. I needed one last year for a particular dress, and ended up horribly annoyed for a couple hours before finally finding what I wanted--most of the slips being sold were really "shapewear" and cost more than I wanted to pay, when I just wanted an inexpensive one with no shaping panels.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on October 01, 2013, 12:12:31 PM
It's funny because my mother and other female relatives taught me that black panties were a must under white and light colored clothes.  ...


Huh?  Wouldn't they show through the white pants or skirt?  Or was that the whole idea.  There would be no question that you were at least wearing underwear!   ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Judah on October 01, 2013, 12:14:07 PM
It's funny because my mother and other female relatives taught me that black panties were a must under white and light colored clothes. 

Although it did take until I was out of the house for them to stop harassing me about wearing slips under everything...even in the summer.

I was always told beige undies for white clothes. I do remember a lot of slips when I was a kid. I needed one last year for a particular dress, and ended up horribly annoyed for a couple hours before finally finding what I wanted--most of the slips being sold were really "shapewear" and cost more than I wanted to pay, when I just wanted an inexpensive one with no shaping panels.

It depends on skin tone. Some may need white, dark brown, beige...Whatever makes your underwear disappear next to your skin.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Vall on October 01, 2013, 12:16:17 PM
The black panties stories remind me of my own childhood. 

 In the 1950s, a set of 'Day of the Week' underpants were a common gift.  Unless  they were for a very small girl, Friday and Saturday were usually red and black.  I was never allowed to wear the red or the black ones.

Please tell me I'm not the only person who suddenly had a "When Harry Met Sally" flashback.
"They don't make Sundays. *whispers* Because of God."
You're not the only person.  That scene was the first thing that popped in my mind when I saw someone posted about days of the week underpants.  I love that movie.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 01, 2013, 12:17:12 PM
It's funny because my mother and other female relatives taught me that black panties were a must under white and light colored clothes. 

Although it did take until I was out of the house for them to stop harassing me about wearing slips under everything...even in the summer.

I was always told beige undies for white clothes. I do remember a lot of slips when I was a kid. I needed one last year for a particular dress, and ended up horribly annoyed for a couple hours before finally finding what I wanted--most of the slips being sold were really "shapewear" and cost more than I wanted to pay, when I just wanted an inexpensive one with no shaping panels.

It depends on skin tone. Some may need white, dark brown, beige...Whatever makes your underwear disappear next to your skin.

Very true! I think it was beige in my case because I'm pretty pasty. I was told that actual white will kind of "glow" right through the clothes.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: PastryGoddess on October 01, 2013, 12:26:56 PM
It's funny because my mother and other female relatives taught me that black panties were a must under white and light colored clothes.  ...


Huh?  Wouldn't they show through the white pants or skirt?  Or was that the whole idea.  There would be no question that you were at least wearing underwear!   ;D

My skin is closer in color to the black undies than white or beige :D

No they don't show underneath my white pants.  I wear Victoria secrets super thin microfiber panties.  I get them during the semi annual sale. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 01, 2013, 12:34:08 PM
For me, the best colour to disappear under light coloured clothes is pink.  I'll wear beige but it is considerably darker than my pasty white skin.  I'll wear white over black, though.  Or purple or the stripped purple ones.  Or the polka dots.

To be cross posted in the 'Don't do that' thread:  Don't wear patterned undies under light coloured clothing.  Unless you want everyone to know what pattern your patterned underwear are.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on October 01, 2013, 12:37:13 PM
It's funny because my mother and other female relatives taught me that black panties were a must under white and light colored clothes.  ...


Huh?  Wouldn't they show through the white pants or skirt?  Or was that the whole idea.  There would be no question that you were at least wearing underwear!   ;D

My skin is closer in color to the black undies than white or beige :D

No they don't show underneath my white pants.  I wear Victoria secrets super thin microfiber panties.  I get them during the semi annual sale.

*smacking self soundly on head*
I'm so embarrassed.   :-[
Sometimes I forget little details like the fact that, like the panties, we wearers also come in different colors! 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: alkira6 on October 01, 2013, 12:46:52 PM
My ridiculous things kind of faded out as I got older and realized why some things had to be the way they were (medical issues). I do regret that they used the umbrella of "keeping me from worrying" to not tell me anything that could make accepting certain things easier.

One thing that remains  ::) in my mind though is my grandmother's tendency to complain about what I wear no matter what. Wearing sock? Your fee will grow fungus and smell bad. No socks? Your feet will get cold and your heels will crack.  Natural hair? It looks nappy? Straight hair? Ashamed of your heritage.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Isilleke on October 01, 2013, 12:50:20 PM
I'm looking for a (first!) job since not even two weeks. My mom came back from holiday this weekend and is already complaining that I don't do enough at home (there where at least 5 crumbs on the ground when she came back!) and that I don't do enough to find a job but instead am sitting at my computer all day.

Which would be fine, except:
I'm looking for jobs and sending applications as much as possible ONLINE.
I'm trying to better my CV by taking a course ONLINE.
She's giving me all these things to do and because I have to bike everywhere it takes me hours. Today I was doing her stuff (not even household related, which I wouldn't mind as much) until 5PM...

The other thing she does is demanding to know what it is I do at my computer all day and she gets mad about the time spent. When I tell her it's the exact same thing as watching TV for hours a day, she gets even more upset  ::).

How I wish I could magically have money and live on my own  ;). 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Hillia on October 01, 2013, 12:59:59 PM
To be cross posted in the 'Don't do that' thread:  Don't wear patterned undies under light coloured clothing.  Unless you want everyone to know what pattern your patterned underwear are.

In the 80's I had some wild graphic printed underpants.  One pair had a giant red stop sign printed on the back.  My mom had to let me know it was completely visible under my slacks!

And now I'm all nostalgic for my day of the week underpants.  I thought those were just the coolest things ever!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mrs_deb on October 01, 2013, 01:17:12 PM
Thanks so much for reminding me about Day Of The Week underwear!  Those were the first "articles of clothing" I ever bought for myself with my own money, in junior high, and my mother POPPED HER CORK about it.

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 01, 2013, 01:20:01 PM
I'm looking for a (first!) job since not even two weeks. My mom came back from holiday this weekend and is already complaining that I don't do enough at home (there where at least 5 crumbs on the ground when she came back!) and that I don't do enough to find a job but instead am sitting at my computer all day.

Which would be fine, except:
I'm looking for jobs and sending applications as much as possible ONLINE.
I'm trying to better my CV by taking a course ONLINE.
She's giving me all these things to do and because I have to bike everywhere it takes me hours. Today I was doing her stuff (not even household related, which I wouldn't mind as much) until 5PM...

The other thing she does is demanding to know what it is I do at my computer all day and she gets mad about the time spent. When I tell her it's the exact same thing as watching TV for hours a day, she gets even more upset  ::).

How I wish I could magically have money and live on my own  ;).

There are a lot of people who haven't been in the job market for decades and just don't realized that customs have changed, and most listings are online and most businesses don't want drop-in applicants. There are a lot of Ask a Manager entries about that phenomenon!

To be cross posted in the 'Don't do that' thread:  Don't wear patterned undies under light coloured clothing.  Unless you want everyone to know what pattern your patterned underwear are.

In the 80's I had some wild graphic printed underpants.  One pair had a giant red stop sign printed on the back.  My mom had to let me know it was completely visible under my slacks!

And now I'm all nostalgic for my day of the week underpants.  I thought those were just the coolest things ever!

I had Strawberry Shortcake ones that were just for the weekend days--Fri, Sat, Sun. I remember once we were low on laundry and I had to wear a pair on the wrong day and was just aghast. I thought I was doing something terrible!  ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: whatsanenigma on October 01, 2013, 01:25:09 PM

I had Strawberry Shortcake ones that were just for the weekend days--Fri, Sat, Sun. I remember once we were low on laundry and I had to wear a pair on the wrong day and was just aghast. I thought I was doing something terrible!  ;D

Oh my goodness! What if you had gotten into an accident and the doctors saw the underwear labeled with the wrong day? They'd have thought you hadn't changed your underwear for several days.  Horrors!

 :D

I really do love my mother-she is a sweet person who loves all of her children more than anything and would do anything for us.  I wouldn't trade her for anything. But statements like this (in seriousness) were one of her quirks while I was growing up.  She's mellowed somewhat now, though.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: nuit93 on October 01, 2013, 01:30:17 PM
I'm looking for a (first!) job since not even two weeks. My mom came back from holiday this weekend and is already complaining that I don't do enough at home (there where at least 5 crumbs on the ground when she came back!) and that I don't do enough to find a job but instead am sitting at my computer all day.

Which would be fine, except:
I'm looking for jobs and sending applications as much as possible ONLINE.
I'm trying to better my CV by taking a course ONLINE.
She's giving me all these things to do and because I have to bike everywhere it takes me hours. Today I was doing her stuff (not even household related, which I wouldn't mind as much) until 5PM...

The other thing she does is demanding to know what it is I do at my computer all day and she gets mad about the time spent. When I tell her it's the exact same thing as watching TV for hours a day, she gets even more upset  ::).

How I wish I could magically have money and live on my own  ;).

I've noticed this generational phenomenon too. 

In our parents' day (well, I'm 32 and my parents were born in the late 1940's-mid 1950's), job hunting was literally 'pounding the pavement'.  Now even fast food and retail jobs have moved to online applications.  Internet access today is literally what a phone number/home phone line was in theirs-essential.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on October 01, 2013, 01:32:12 PM

Oh my goodness! What if you had gotten into an accident and the doctors saw the underwear labeled with the wrong day? They'd have thought you hadn't changed your underwear for several days.  Horrors!


Yes, my Mom said something like that to me once.  I was puzzled.  "So if I were in an accident and got hurt, you'd be worried that the doctors and nurses thought I wasn't wearing clean underwear?  I would have thought you'd be worried about whether or not I was going to be okay."   :(

She never said it again.  :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: PastryGoddess on October 01, 2013, 03:49:56 PM
My ridiculous things kind of faded out as I got older and realized why some things had to be the way they were (medical issues). I do regret that they used the umbrella of "keeping me from worrying" to not tell me anything that could make accepting certain things easier.

One thing that remains  ::) in my mind though is my grandmother's tendency to complain about what I wear no matter what. Wearing sock? Your fee will grow fungus and smell bad. No socks? Your feet will get cold and your heels will crack.  Natural hair? It looks nappy? Straight hair? Ashamed of your heritage.

Are you my sister? :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Elfmama on October 01, 2013, 03:53:02 PM
My ridiculous things kind of faded out as I got older and realized why some things had to be the way they were (medical issues). I do regret that they used the umbrella of "keeping me from worrying" to not tell me anything that could make accepting certain things easier.
That's one of the things that I hate most.  I don't know about alkira, but if something is being kept from me and I know it, I'm likely to leap to the worst possible conclusion.  I get MUCH more upset than I would be by the bare facts.  I want to know, I want to know the worst, and I want to know it NOW.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on October 01, 2013, 04:35:51 PM
Quote
The other thing she does is demanding to know what it is I do at my computer all day and she gets mad about the time spent.

That reminds me of when my parents came to stay with us for a while at Christmas.  At the time we just had a desktop computer - no laptop, and no iPad.  So, I went downstairs to the study to do a little surfing.  After I'd been online for about 20 minutes, my mother popped her head around the door and asked incredulously "Are you STILL on the computer?"  She was aghast when I told her that there are times when I'm happily surfing for hours on end ....

(Mind you, I should add that she and Dad have dial-up - yes, really - and therefore she's very mindful of every single minute they spend online.)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Free Range Hippy Chick on October 01, 2013, 05:09:02 PM

I have a faint memory of a classmate telling me (at 11 or 12 y/old) that only girls who hade played scrabble (or gotten the box out, maybe arranged the tiles  ::)) wore black undergarnments.
It was either about black or red ones.
I wonder if that's the same thing your grandmother thought, that black is provocative, white is pure 'little-girl' suitable.

I have a much stronger than faint recollection of the headmistress of my school - 1200 or so pupils of both sexes, headmaster and (deputy) headmistress - telling us that we couldn't wear black tights. We were permitted dark brown or dark grey but not, absolutely not, not ever, black ones because only ladies of negotiable affection wore black nylons.

And nurses, pointed out one of the senior girls, politely.

Well, yes, all right, and nurses on duty. But nonetheless, black nylons were not worn in public by a respectable...

And policewomen.

Yes, policewomen wore them as part of their uniform but that didn't change the fact that...

And traffic wardens. Barristers. Legal clerks.

Yes, well, that was as it might be but...

And nuns.

And since this was Northern Ireland in the late 1970s and early 1980s, even a headmistress 40 years behind the times wasn't going to fall for a question about whether or not nuns were respectable. That was not a discussion that was going anywhere that anybody would want to follow it.

What she would have said if she had known that I was wearing stockings and a suspender belt rather than tights, I can't imagine.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: mbbored on October 01, 2013, 08:14:48 PM

I had Strawberry Shortcake ones that were just for the weekend days--Fri, Sat, Sun. I remember once we were low on laundry and I had to wear a pair on the wrong day and was just aghast. I thought I was doing something terrible!  ;D

Oh my goodness! What if you had gotten into an accident and the doctors saw the underwear labeled with the wrong day? They'd have thought you hadn't changed your underwear for several days.  Horrors!

 :D

I really do love my mother-she is a sweet person who loves all of her children more than anything and would do anything for us.  I wouldn't trade her for anything. But statements like this (in seriousness) were one of her quirks while I was growing up.  She's mellowed somewhat now, though.

My mother would kill me for telling this. She was extremely strict about white underpants only when I was little but gave up on me as an adult. One day after watching When Harry Met Sally together, I jokingly bought her days of the week underpants.

A few weeks later I get a call from my mom's neighbor that she's had a heart attack and I need to get to the hospital. I get there and she's fighting the nurses about getting changed out of her clothes. I ask what's wrong and she calls me over to whisper in my ear. She had run out of underwear that morning and, for the first time ever, put on a pair of of those joke days of the week underwear, without even checking what day it was. She was mortified to be caught in non-plain white underwear that might have the wrong day on it!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: PastryGoddess on October 01, 2013, 09:57:35 PM

I had Strawberry Shortcake ones that were just for the weekend days--Fri, Sat, Sun. I remember once we were low on laundry and I had to wear a pair on the wrong day and was just aghast. I thought I was doing something terrible!  ;D

Oh my goodness! What if you had gotten into an accident and the doctors saw the underwear labeled with the wrong day? They'd have thought you hadn't changed your underwear for several days.  Horrors!

 :D

I really do love my mother-she is a sweet person who loves all of her children more than anything and would do anything for us.  I wouldn't trade her for anything. But statements like this (in seriousness) were one of her quirks while I was growing up.  She's mellowed somewhat now, though.

My mother would kill me for telling this. She was extremely strict about white underpants only when I was little but gave up on me as an adult. One day after watching When Harry Met Sally together, I jokingly bought her days of the week underpants.

A few weeks later I get a call from my mom's neighbor that she's had a heart attack and I need to get to the hospital. I get there and she's fighting the nurses about getting changed out of her clothes. I ask what's wrong and she calls me over to whisper in my ear. She had run out of underwear that morning and, for the first time ever, put on a pair of of those joke days of the week underwear, without even checking what day it was. She was mortified to be caught in non-plain white underwear that might have the wrong day on it!

Frog's Bless your mother's soul.  That is the funniest thing ever :D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: daen on October 01, 2013, 10:38:07 PM
Further to visible colours of underpants: my niece wore black underpants for her baptism.
I would not have known this, except for the fact that she was wearing all white, and the baptism was by immersion.

I now know more about her choice of undergarments (cut as well as colour) than I ever wished to know.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on October 01, 2013, 11:00:59 PM

Oh my goodness! What if you had gotten into an accident and the doctors saw the underwear labeled with the wrong day? They'd have thought you hadn't changed your underwear for several days.  Horrors!


Yes, my Mom said something like that to me once.  I was puzzled.  "So if I were in an accident and got hurt, you'd be worried that the doctors and nurses thought I wasn't wearing clean underwear?  I would have thought you'd be worried about whether or not I was going to be okay."   :(

She never said it again.  :)

Dad's mom would say this to him all the time. However, she cleaned her entire house (yes, vacuumed and everything) every day, and she didn't call 911 for my grandpa having a stroke because the people would track mud into her house and the neighbors would wonder why an ambulance was at the house.

We won't talk about how I feel about that, because the only thing that comes close to how I feel without getting in trouble with the mods is  >:( >:( >:( :'(
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Asharah on October 01, 2013, 11:34:20 PM
I would say some of the parents here are in desperate need of therapy for their control-freak issues.  >:(
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Otterpop on October 02, 2013, 12:06:13 AM
I would say some of the parents here are in desperate need of therapy for their control-freak issues.  >:(

Yeah, that's REALLY messed up.   :-\
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Pen^2 on October 02, 2013, 12:42:44 AM

Oh my goodness! What if you had gotten into an accident and the doctors saw the underwear labeled with the wrong day? They'd have thought you hadn't changed your underwear for several days.  Horrors!


Yes, my Mom said something like that to me once.  I was puzzled.  "So if I were in an accident and got hurt, you'd be worried that the doctors and nurses thought I wasn't wearing clean underwear?  I would have thought you'd be worried about whether or not I was going to be okay."   :(

She never said it again.  :)

Dad's mom would say this to him all the time. However, she cleaned her entire house (yes, vacuumed and everything) every day, and she didn't call 911 for my grandpa having a stroke because the people would track mud into her house and the neighbors would wonder why an ambulance was at the house.

We won't talk about how I feel about that, because the only thing that comes close to how I feel without getting in trouble with the mods is  >:( >:( >:( :'(

That is inhuman, cabbagegirl28.

I hate the whole, "Wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident and the doctors will see and judge you." First, I strongly feel you should teach good habits based on the merit of those habits, not from fear of ridiculous and unlikely scenarios. I should think the reasons for this are utterly obvious. And also, like anyone else with a drop of common sense and decency, the last thing you should care about if you're in an accident that involves doctors is what they'll think of your underwear. And how come no-one ever says the same thing about socks? "Wear clean socks in case blah blah nonsense." It's almost ubiquitous to remove the shoes during visits to A&E, especially if there's been a leg injury. Why the focus on the underwear? If you're going to be ridiculous, at least be consistent about it!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Mel the Redcap on October 02, 2013, 03:45:48 AM

Oh my goodness! What if you had gotten into an accident and the doctors saw the underwear labeled with the wrong day? They'd have thought you hadn't changed your underwear for several days.  Horrors!


Yes, my Mom said something like that to me once.  I was puzzled.  "So if I were in an accident and got hurt, you'd be worried that the doctors and nurses thought I wasn't wearing clean underwear?  I would have thought you'd be worried about whether or not I was going to be okay."   :(

She never said it again.  :)

Dad's mom would say this to him all the time. However, she cleaned her entire house (yes, vacuumed and everything) every day, and she didn't call 911 for my grandpa having a stroke because the people would track mud into her house and the neighbors would wonder why an ambulance was at the house.

We won't talk about how I feel about that, because the only thing that comes close to how I feel without getting in trouble with the mods is  >:( >:( >:( :'(

That is inhuman, cabbagegirl28.

I hate the whole, "Wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident and the doctors will see and judge you." First, I strongly feel you should teach good habits based on the merit of those habits, not from fear of ridiculous and unlikely scenarios. I should think the reasons for this are utterly obvious. And also, like anyone else with a drop of common sense and decency, the last thing you should care about if you're in an accident that involves doctors is what they'll think of your underwear. And how come no-one ever says the same thing about socks? "Wear clean socks in case blah blah nonsense." It's almost ubiquitous to remove the shoes during visits to A&E, especially if there's been a leg injury. Why the focus on the underwear? If you're going to be ridiculous, at least be consistent about it!

Not to mention that if you're in a serious accident, there's a good chance your clean underwear isn't going to be clean any more! >:D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: zyrs on October 02, 2013, 03:56:49 AM
Further to visible colours of underpants: my niece wore black underpants for her baptism.
I would not have known this, except for the fact that she was wearing all white, and the baptism was by immersion.

I now know more about her choice of undergarments (cut as well as colour) than I ever wished to know.

When my mother was baptised, she and the pastor both wore white.  Mom, thinking ahead, wore underwear that didn't show up or show anything.

The pastor wore white boxers with bright red hearts all over them.  They were also less opaque when wet.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: scotcat60 on October 02, 2013, 05:49:56 AM
Not to mention that if you're in a serious accident, there's a good chance your clean underwear isn't going to be clean any more!

And that is just what happpened to my Mum and Dad when they were in a serious car accident.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Dazi on October 02, 2013, 05:54:55 AM
I have had a resurgence of clothing criticism for my mother.  She actually hasn't done this for years and years.

She recently started complaining that what I am wearing is making my breasts look large.  Well, they are large, very large. There is absolutely nothing I could possible wear to make them look smaller. My choices are to wear a bit form fitting and look great or wear slightly looser and look frumpy,baggy, and bigger.  There is no middle ground here.  Also, the more modest clothing I wear the more obscenely large they appear, so I actually look much better in V-necked shirts than square cut or rounded collars.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: scotcat60 on October 02, 2013, 05:59:40 AM
Re wearing black or dark coloured panties. When I started secondary school, 50 years ago, we had to wear navy knickers, so wehn wee had gym, we wore white aertex shirts, and the knickers. They checked to see if you were wearing them at other times, and if htye were labelled with your name. After the first couple of years, gym was no longer on the curriculum, unifrom checks were given up, and one wore what one wanted in the way of knickers.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 02, 2013, 06:01:08 AM

Oh my goodness! What if you had gotten into an accident and the doctors saw the underwear labeled with the wrong day? They'd have thought you hadn't changed your underwear for several days.  Horrors!


Yes, my Mom said something like that to me once.  I was puzzled.  "So if I were in an accident and got hurt, you'd be worried that the doctors and nurses thought I wasn't wearing clean underwear?  I would have thought you'd be worried about whether or not I was going to be okay."   :(

She never said it again.  :)

Dad's mom would say this to him all the time. However, she cleaned her entire house (yes, vacuumed and everything) every day, and she didn't call 911 for my grandpa having a stroke because the people would track mud into her house and the neighbors would wonder why an ambulance was at the house.

We won't talk about how I feel about that, because the only thing that comes close to how I feel without getting in trouble with the mods is  >:( >:( >:( :'(

That is inhuman, cabbagegirl28.

I hate the whole, "Wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident and the doctors will see and judge you." First, I strongly feel you should teach good habits based on the merit of those habits, not from fear of ridiculous and unlikely scenarios. I should think the reasons for this are utterly obvious. And also, like anyone else with a drop of common sense and decency, the last thing you should care about if you're in an accident that involves doctors is what they'll think of your underwear. And how come no-one ever says the same thing about socks? "Wear clean socks in case blah blah nonsense." It's almost ubiquitous to remove the shoes during visits to A&E, especially if there's been a leg injury. Why the focus on the underwear? If you're going to be ridiculous, at least be consistent about it!

Not to mention that if you're in a serious accident, there's a good chance your clean underwear isn't going to be clean any more! >:D

Bill Cosby said something about that once.  "That's why it's called an accident! First you say it, then you do it!"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: weeblewobble on October 02, 2013, 07:24:33 AM

Oh my goodness! What if you had gotten into an accident and the doctors saw the underwear labeled with the wrong day? They'd have thought you hadn't changed your underwear for several days.  Horrors!


Yes, my Mom said something like that to me once.  I was puzzled.  "So if I were in an accident and got hurt, you'd be worried that the doctors and nurses thought I wasn't wearing clean underwear?  I would have thought you'd be worried about whether or not I was going to be okay."   :(

She never said it again.  :)

Dad's mom would say this to him all the time. However, she cleaned her entire house (yes, vacuumed and everything) every day, and she didn't call 911 for my grandpa having a stroke because the people would track mud into her house and the neighbors would wonder why an ambulance was at the house.

We won't talk about how I feel about that, because the only thing that comes close to how I feel without getting in trouble with the mods is  >:( >:( >:( :'(

I'm so sorry!  Was your grandpa OK?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: weeblewobble on October 02, 2013, 07:38:11 AM
Not to defend the neurosis of people who don't want to call the ambulance because the neighbors will wonder what's going on, but -

Two years ago, my then 3yo son had a fever-related seizure which scared the living heck out of us.  We called 911.  The paramedics were prompt.  He got to the ER and is fine, not lasting effects. It didn't even enter into my mind that, oh, the neighbors will wonder why there's an ambulance at my house.

Two weeks after that, my friend, Carrie, came over for dinner.  She had an awful nose bleed.  I'll spare you the details, but it was a complication of ENT surgery and it was very very very heavy. We called the ambulance because we were worried about the amount of blood she was losing.  (She's fine now.)

Within 10 minutes of the ambulance pulling away from our house, we had neighbors coming to our door asking what was going on.  We'd just had an ambulance at our house and now another one? We denied any problems, which didn't satisfy the gossips and crazy rumors circulated the neighbors about us for about a year.  But since we've gone about two years without a 911 call, it has died down.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TootsNYC on October 02, 2013, 08:04:02 AM

I hate the whole, "Wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident and the doctors will see and judge you." First, I strongly feel you should teach good habits based on the merit of those habits, not from fear of ridiculous and unlikely scenarios. I should think the reasons for this are utterly obvious. And also, like anyone else with a drop of common sense and decency, the last thing you should care about if you're in an accident that involves doctors is what they'll think of your underwear. And how come no-one ever says the same thing about socks? "Wear clean socks in case blah blah nonsense." It's almost ubiquitous to remove the shoes during visits to A&E, especially if there's been a leg injury. Why the focus on the underwear? If you're going to be ridiculous, at least be consistent about it!

And how about this?

30 minutes after you put them on, those underwear aren't clean anymore!!

How are they to know whether those vague stains on your undies got there earlier today, or yesterday, or last week?

The dad of a family in my bldg with 3 little kids told me, when I commented that they must do a lot of laundry, "Aw, sometimes we just put them in last week's shirt--who's going to know that didn't get that food on them this morning at breakfast, hmm?"

I always loved that attitude.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 02, 2013, 08:07:36 AM
Not to defend the neurosis of people who don't want to call the ambulance because the neighbors will wonder what's going on, but -

Two years ago, my then 3yo son had a fever-related seizure which scared the living heck out of us.  We called 911.  The paramedics were prompt.  He got to the ER and is fine, not lasting effects. It didn't even enter into my mind that, oh, the neighbors will wonder why there's an ambulance at my house.


My middle child had one of those once and while it didn't happen at our house but rather outside the daycare, we didn't have to worry about neighbors being nosy.  But even if they had, it really wouldn't have occurred to me to mind. (Daycare had asked us to pick him up as he was running a fever and as soon as DH put him in his car seat, he started having a seizure.)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on October 02, 2013, 08:30:52 AM

Oh my goodness! What if you had gotten into an accident and the doctors saw the underwear labeled with the wrong day? They'd have thought you hadn't changed your underwear for several days.  Horrors!


Yes, my Mom said something like that to me once.  I was puzzled.  "So if I were in an accident and got hurt, you'd be worried that the doctors and nurses thought I wasn't wearing clean underwear?  I would have thought you'd be worried about whether or not I was going to be okay."   :(

She never said it again.  :)

Dad's mom would say this to him all the time. However, she cleaned her entire house (yes, vacuumed and everything) every day, and she didn't call 911 for my grandpa having a stroke because the people would track mud into her house and the neighbors would wonder why an ambulance was at the house.

We won't talk about how I feel about that, because the only thing that comes close to how I feel without getting in trouble with the mods is  >:( >:( >:( :'(

I'm so sorry!  Was your grandpa OK?

No. He'd already had the effects of Alzheimer's messing with his brain, and the two strokes he ended up getting pretty much finished his brain off. violinp and I never really got to know him well because this happened when we were 7, and he died when we were 12 the night before a wedding on Mom's side of the family.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: weeblewobble on October 02, 2013, 08:55:34 AM

Oh my goodness! What if you had gotten into an accident and the doctors saw the underwear labeled with the wrong day? They'd have thought you hadn't changed your underwear for several days.  Horrors!


Yes, my Mom said something like that to me once.  I was puzzled.  "So if I were in an accident and got hurt, you'd be worried that the doctors and nurses thought I wasn't wearing clean underwear?  I would have thought you'd be worried about whether or not I was going to be okay."   :(

She never said it again.  :)

Dad's mom would say this to him all the time. However, she cleaned her entire house (yes, vacuumed and everything) every day, and she didn't call 911 for my grandpa having a stroke because the people would track mud into her house and the neighbors would wonder why an ambulance was at the house.

We won't talk about how I feel about that, because the only thing that comes close to how I feel without getting in trouble with the mods is  >:( >:( >:( :'(

I'm so sorry!  Was your grandpa OK?

No. He'd already had the effects of Alzheimer's messing with his brain, and the two strokes he ended up getting pretty much finished his brain off. violinp and I never really got to know him well because this happened when we were 7, and he died when we were 12 the night before a wedding on Mom's side of the family.

I'm so sorry.  I hope your grandmother enjoyed her clean (redacted) floors!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on October 02, 2013, 09:14:21 AM

Oh my goodness! What if you had gotten into an accident and the doctors saw the underwear labeled with the wrong day? They'd have thought you hadn't changed your underwear for several days.  Horrors!


Yes, my Mom said something like that to me once.  I was puzzled.  "So if I were in an accident and got hurt, you'd be worried that the doctors and nurses thought I wasn't wearing clean underwear?  I would have thought you'd be worried about whether or not I was going to be okay."   :(

She never said it again.  :)

Dad's mom would say this to him all the time. However, she cleaned her entire house (yes, vacuumed and everything) every day, and she didn't call 911 for my grandpa having a stroke because the people would track mud into her house and the neighbors would wonder why an ambulance was at the house.

We won't talk about how I feel about that, because the only thing that comes close to how I feel without getting in trouble with the mods is  >:( >:( >:( :'(

I'm so sorry!  Was your grandpa OK?

No. He'd already had the effects of Alzheimer's messing with his brain, and the two strokes he ended up getting pretty much finished his brain off. violinp and I never really got to know him well because this happened when we were 7, and he died when we were 12 the night before a wedding on Mom's side of the family.

I'm so sorry.  I hope your grandmother enjoyed her clean (redacted) floors!

This was typical behavior for her. I hope that she eventually felt guilty for what she did, but my guess is she didn't.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: wolfie on October 02, 2013, 09:22:27 AM

Oh my goodness! What if you had gotten into an accident and the doctors saw the underwear labeled with the wrong day? They'd have thought you hadn't changed your underwear for several days.  Horrors!


Yes, my Mom said something like that to me once.  I was puzzled.  "So if I were in an accident and got hurt, you'd be worried that the doctors and nurses thought I wasn't wearing clean underwear?  I would have thought you'd be worried about whether or not I was going to be okay."   :(

She never said it again.  :)

Plus... how do they know that it wasn't clean right before your accident anyway! ;-)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: lady_disdain on October 02, 2013, 10:21:06 AM
The coloured panties tangent is just too tempting.

We have a lot of New Year's Eve superstitions. Three of them combine in a rather spectacular way.

1- Wear white on New Year's Eve to bring peace and good luck
2- If you are on the beach, hop over the first seven waves of the New Year (considering that it is often very hot and that people are rather tipsy at this point, this often results in a lot of wet clothing)
3- Wear yellow panties to bring money in the next year, green for prosperity, blue for serenity or red for love.

Have you any idea of how many young women wearing white cotton dresses are looking for love? Perhaps the advertising on New Year's Eve will work!

Back to your regularly scheduled, nutty parents thread.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on October 02, 2013, 11:01:13 AM
The underwear reminded me of my mom. She always insisted on buying me plain white cotton undies in the six pack full brief style. Because you can bleach them! (women loves her bleach, bleach can clean anything, kill all bugs, and must be used) She also bought me plain, complete coverage, wire-free bras. Cause you can bleach them! And they're comfortable.

Before I started 7th grade I got word that my new school required "dressing out" for gym for 7th and 8th graders. I was going to be standing in a room of other girls in my plain white cotton underthings (that smelled like bleach). Oh no, no way. I started with the bras, because I really did need some under wire. Still white, but leaps and bounds better then what I had. Then I started slowly putting undies in the cart that had a few colored/patterned pair, then it was all colors, then hipster style. Still couldn't get anything but the 6 pack cotton, and she still complained they weren't "bleach-able", I was excited when I started working and could buy whatever I wanted.

I don't own a single pair of white underwear. I also don't wear white pants cause I've met me and I'd get them very dirty very fast. So it's a non-issue.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gingerzing on October 02, 2013, 12:26:05 PM


 I also don't wear white pants cause I've met me and I'd get them very dirty very fast. So it's a non-issue.
Bolded  ;D
I own very few white things (No pants, only a couple dress tops or plain white t-shirts) because like you, I have met me.  I once had a new white peasant blouse that I had just put on.  And within 30 minutes I had marinara sauce on the sleeve.  SIGH.


Boy am I grateful for my folks after reading some of these. 
The only criticism that I got from family on a regular basis was my maternal grandmother who hated me in long hair.  I don't think she said anything to my other cousins.  Other than the hair thing, she was fab.
The last time I saw her, I knew how sick she really was because my hair was past my shoulders.  (Heck poor broke college kid = no $ for haircuts)  Grandma and I had a good talk and she said that she liked my hair the way I had it styled.   :'(  (she also was encouraging me because I had just had my boyfriend break up with me.  "Don't worry, you have time to find the right boy") 

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on October 02, 2013, 12:35:48 PM
Quote
Now, according to the relative, I'm putting TOO much effort into my clothes, emphasizing my chest too much and in general just look inappropriate.

When I was 20, my mum gave me heck for what I was planning to wear to work, because it showed a tiny bit of cleavage.  She said "Men will get ideas about you!"  Imagine poor Mum's horror when I retorted "Mum, I WANT men to get ideas about me!".
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 02, 2013, 01:00:13 PM
Quote
Now, according to the relative, I'm putting TOO much effort into my clothes, emphasizing my chest too much and in general just look inappropriate.

When I was 20, my mum gave me heck for what I was planning to wear to work, because it showed a tiny bit of cleavage.  She said "Men will get ideas about you!"  Imagine poor Mum's horror when I retorted "Mum, I WANT men to get ideas about me!".

My mom wasn't really bothered by slight cleavage (like me, she's busty and knows a little bit can sometimes be hard to avoid), but she HAAAAAATES. ARMS. She was always insecure about her own, and insecure by proxy about mine, and on top of that there were situations for which bare arms maybe weren't appropriate, and they all kind of rolled into one constant action of trying to stick a bolero or sweater on me for every possible outfit. I associated it so strongly with her insecurity that I didn't figure out till much later, as an adult, that in some situations it really was about the venue, because the message was so confused and jumbled, and even though I'm a bigger girl, I was somehow born without the capacity to stress about my arms. ;) So I've had to figure out arm-appropriateness on my own as an adult.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: jedikaiti on October 02, 2013, 01:00:59 PM
The coloured panties tangent is just too tempting.

We have a lot of New Year's Eve superstitions. Three of them combine in a rather spectacular way.

1- Wear white on New Year's Eve to bring peace and good luck
2- If you are on the beach, hop over the first seven waves of the New Year (considering that it is often very hot and that people are rather tipsy at this point, this often results in a lot of wet clothing)
3- Wear yellow panties to bring money in the next year, green for prosperity, blue for serenity or red for love.

Have you any idea of how many young women wearing white cotton dresses are looking for love? Perhaps the advertising on New Year's Eve will work!

Back to your regularly scheduled, nutty parents thread.

I'm thinking stripes or polka dots are in order.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 02, 2013, 01:04:25 PM
The coloured panties tangent is just too tempting.

We have a lot of New Year's Eve superstitions. Three of them combine in a rather spectacular way.

1- Wear white on New Year's Eve to bring peace and good luck
2- If you are on the beach, hop over the first seven waves of the New Year (considering that it is often very hot and that people are rather tipsy at this point, this often results in a lot of wet clothing)
3- Wear yellow panties to bring money in the next year, green for prosperity, blue for serenity or red for love.

Have you any idea of how many young women wearing white cotton dresses are looking for love? Perhaps the advertising on New Year's Eve will work!

Back to your regularly scheduled, nutty parents thread.

I'm thinking stripes or polka dots are in order.

Green and red stripes to attract a rich man!  >:D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Kimblee on October 02, 2013, 02:10:24 PM
My ridiculous things kind of faded out as I got older and realized why some things had to be the way they were (medical issues). I do regret that they used the umbrella of "keeping me from worrying" to not tell me anything that could make accepting certain things easier.

One thing that remains  ::) in my mind though is my grandmother's tendency to complain about what I wear no matter what. Wearing sock? Your fee will grow fungus and smell bad. No socks? Your feet will get cold and your heels will crack.  Natural hair? It looks nappy? Straight hair? Ashamed of your heritage.

Reminds me of a couple of friends of mine. They're same sex, and a mixed race couple. ("Because we figured people's be so shocked by the race thing they'd forget about the two dudes thing." -actual quote.) Their oldest child is actually biologically related to one of them(high school, wasn't out of the closet yet) and they have full custody. When they adopted their 2nd baby(from China I think. She's Asian anyway. It's been awhile back.) they got a stranger to comment. "You should've gotten a black baby. Then both of you would have a matching kid!"

This is made weirder by the fact that their older girl IS half black. True she takes a lot after her mom(strangely, she REALLY resembles her other dad's cousin, a woman she isn't biologically related to) But really... Matching the kids?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on October 02, 2013, 03:34:27 PM
Quote
Now, according to the relative, I'm putting TOO much effort into my clothes, emphasizing my chest too much and in general just look inappropriate.

When I was 20, my mum gave me heck for what I was planning to wear to work, because it showed a tiny bit of cleavage.  She said "Men will get ideas about you!"  Imagine poor Mum's horror when I retorted "Mum, I WANT men to get ideas about me!".

And Shalamar wins best retort award of the day!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: aiki on October 02, 2013, 05:12:40 PM
I have had a resurgence of clothing criticism for my mother.  She actually hasn't done this for years and years.

She recently started complaining that what I am wearing is making my breasts look large.  Well, they are large, very large. There is absolutely nothing I could possible wear to make them look smaller. My choices are to wear a bit form fitting and look great or wear slightly looser and look frumpy,baggy, and bigger.  There is no middle ground here.  Also, the more modest clothing I wear the more obscenely large they appear, so I actually look much better in V-necked shirts than square cut or rounded collars.

And here's your broken record...
"Mum, they look huge because they are huge. They're the genes you gave me. Cope."
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Dazi on October 02, 2013, 05:26:53 PM
I have had a resurgence of clothing criticism for my mother.  She actually hasn't done this for years and years.

She recently started complaining that what I am wearing is making my breasts look large.  Well, they are large, very large. There is absolutely nothing I could possible wear to make them look smaller. My choices are to wear a bit form fitting and look great or wear slightly looser and look frumpy,baggy, and bigger.  There is no middle ground here.  Also, the more modest clothing I wear the more obscenely large they appear, so I actually look much better in V-necked shirts than square cut or rounded collars.

And here's your broken record...
"Mum, they look huge because they are huge. They're the genes you gave me. Cope."

Exactly! A few people suggested she was jealous.  I think part of it is that I've lost a ton of weight, but none in the chest area...so they are the exact same size volume wise, just more prominent since I now have a clearly defined waist.

I have had a few people who thought my DH would take issue with my prominent assets/clothing style, but he loves how I'm dressing.  Everytime I get new clothes he asks me to try everything on so he can ohh and ahh over me.   ;)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: nuit93 on October 02, 2013, 05:34:20 PM
I have had a resurgence of clothing criticism for my mother.  She actually hasn't done this for years and years.

She recently started complaining that what I am wearing is making my breasts look large.  Well, they are large, very large. There is absolutely nothing I could possible wear to make them look smaller. My choices are to wear a bit form fitting and look great or wear slightly looser and look frumpy,baggy, and bigger.  There is no middle ground here.  Also, the more modest clothing I wear the more obscenely large they appear, so I actually look much better in V-necked shirts than square cut or rounded collars.

And here's your broken record...
"Mum, they look huge because they are huge. They're the genes you gave me. Cope."

Doesn't always work.  I'm a good 2-3 cup sizes bigger than my mother.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Carotte on October 02, 2013, 05:48:02 PM
I have had a resurgence of clothing criticism for my mother.  She actually hasn't done this for years and years.

She recently started complaining that what I am wearing is making my breasts look large.  Well, they are large, very large. There is absolutely nothing I could possible wear to make them look smaller. My choices are to wear a bit form fitting and look great or wear slightly looser and look frumpy,baggy, and bigger.  There is no middle ground here.  Also, the more modest clothing I wear the more obscenely large they appear, so I actually look much better in V-necked shirts than square cut or rounded collars.

And here's your broken record...
"Mum, they look huge because they are huge. They're the genes you gave me. Cope."

Doesn't always work.  I'm a good 2-3 cup sizes bigger than my mother.

And I'm a good 1 cup or more smaller than mine, but it's still her genes. And I hope mostly hers, breast cancer runs in my paternal line  :(
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on October 02, 2013, 05:49:17 PM
I have had a resurgence of clothing criticism for my mother.  She actually hasn't done this for years and years.

She recently started complaining that what I am wearing is making my breasts look large.  Well, they are large, very large. There is absolutely nothing I could possible wear to make them look smaller. My choices are to wear a bit form fitting and look great or wear slightly looser and look frumpy,baggy, and bigger.  There is no middle ground here.  Also, the more modest clothing I wear the more obscenely large they appear, so I actually look much better in V-necked shirts than square cut or rounded collars.

And here's your broken record...
"Mum, they look huge because they are huge. They're the genes you gave me. Cope."

Doesn't always work.  I'm a good 2-3 cup sizes bigger than my mother.

So was I.  She never could accept that.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: kherbert05 on October 02, 2013, 06:48:08 PM
They underware reminded me of at time I made my parents look controlling. I always wear white socks. Back in HS a teacher told me I should get colored socks. I told her "I'm not allowed to wear colored socks (or underware)."


Well she was talking about this to a another teacher not using my name and not aware a parent could hear. Mrs. O (the parent) said "Hold on if you are talking about kherbert you should know that "not allowed" usually means "I'm allergic" she just gets tired of people arguing about if she is allergic to something."


Mrs O mentioned the conversation to my Mom. That is how we found out. (I'm allergic to many dyes, they irritate my skin when worn tight to the skin)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: aiki on October 02, 2013, 06:57:09 PM
I have had a resurgence of clothing criticism for my mother.  She actually hasn't done this for years and years.

She recently started complaining that what I am wearing is making my breasts look large.  Well, they are large, very large. There is absolutely nothing I could possible wear to make them look smaller. My choices are to wear a bit form fitting and look great or wear slightly looser and look frumpy,baggy, and bigger.  There is no middle ground here.  Also, the more modest clothing I wear the more obscenely large they appear, so I actually look much better in V-necked shirts than square cut or rounded collars.

And here's your broken record...
"Mum, they look huge because they are huge. They're the genes you gave me. Cope."

Doesn't always work.  I'm a good 2-3 cup sizes bigger than my mother.

Which doesn't matter. Still her genes, or your father's, who she chose. Either way, barring augmentation or reduction, she had as much choice in the matter as you did.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: magician5 on October 03, 2013, 12:10:51 AM
I hate the whole, "Wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident and the doctors will see and judge you." ... If you're going to be ridiculous, at least be consistent about it!

Maybe because they think a big strong  guy like me shouldn't be wearing Hello Kitty boxers?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: StarDrifter on October 03, 2013, 01:07:09 AM
I hate the whole, "Wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident and the doctors will see and judge you." ... If you're going to be ridiculous, at least be consistent about it!

Maybe because they think a big strong  guy like me shouldn't be wearing Hello Kitty boxers?

Baha! Little Brother (all 6'7, 220lbs of him) came off his motorbike at 50mph in his kevlar everything and when the ambulance picked him up (he only had a broken arm) he grabbed my hand (I was driving behind him when he had the accident and I called the ambulance) and said "Sis! Sis get me some other boxers to bring up to the hospital - I'm wearing pink ones!"

Mum laughed her head off when she heard about it. The funniest part, to me, though, was that Brother was so upset about the boxers having to be cut off him. Apparently they were the only ones that fit right under his leathers without, erm, riding up into an uncomfortable position.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: magicdomino on October 03, 2013, 09:33:28 AM
I have it on good authority that emergency personnel do not care about the state of your underwear.  They are concentrating on keeping you alive and minimizing blood loss.  A black leather bra and panty set did inspire a moment of hesitation one time, but then they went ahead and cut them off (accident victim).
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 03, 2013, 09:35:16 AM
I have it on good authority that emergency personnel do not care about the state of your underwear.  They are concentrating on keeping you alive and minimizing blood loss.  A black leather bra and panty set did inspire a moment of hesitation one time, but then they went ahead and cut them off (accident victim).

My boyfriend still mourns the amazing pair of leather boots that had to be cut off him 20 years ago when he was in a wreck!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Carotte on October 03, 2013, 09:42:16 AM
I have it on good authority that emergency personnel do not care about the state of your underwear.  They are concentrating on keeping you alive and minimizing blood loss.  A black leather bra and panty set did inspire a moment of hesitation one time, but then they went ahead and cut them off (accident victim).

And they probably have heard it all too, they don't care if you fell on it or knew what you were doing, they've probably seen the same thing at least once or twice (or they'll see it again anyway).
I wonder how often people get in the ER with something that could be seen as shamefull but outright say what or how it happened and not a lie to cover up what happened.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 03, 2013, 10:27:58 AM
I remember a time I was in the hospital (not admitted, just outpatient surgery) and the nurse had to remove my IV. I was wincing in anticipation, remembering how much those things hurt going in but upon finding the removal rather painless, I blurted out "Well, that didn't suck at all!"

When we got in the car later my mother fussed "That is not how a lady speaks, you shouldn't use the word "suck"!"

I was not terribly polite in my response, I blame lingering anesthesia and teenagery attitude, as I rolled my eyes and said "Oh I'm sure she's heard worse and hey, I was complimenting her technique!"
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TheWeirdOne on October 03, 2013, 10:34:27 AM
Not so much a criticism, but I'm curious: has anyone else ever been forced to put extra clothes on because someone else felt cold? My grandmother does this all the time, drives me nuts. It's summer, in Australia, and you want me to wear socks? :o

I occasionally get a comment about my low cut tank tops (see: summer, Australia) but I think they're just jealous  ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: nuit93 on October 03, 2013, 10:37:42 AM
I have it on good authority that emergency personnel do not care about the state of your underwear.  They are concentrating on keeping you alive and minimizing blood loss.  A black leather bra and panty set did inspire a moment of hesitation one time, but then they went ahead and cut them off (accident victim).

And they probably have heard it all too, they don't care if you fell on it or knew what you were doing, they've probably seen the same thing at least once or twice (or they'll see it again anyway).
I wonder how often people get in the ER with something that could be seen as shamefull but outright say what or how it happened and not a lie to cover up what happened.

There is a forum somewhere for ER techs describing some of the crazier things they've seen and where they've been, um, inserted.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Layla Miller on October 03, 2013, 10:46:41 AM
Not so much a criticism, but I'm curious: has anyone else ever been forced to put extra clothes on because someone else felt cold? My grandmother does this all the time, drives me nuts. It's summer, in Australia, and you want me to wear socks? :o

Yes!  :D  "Put a sweater on; I'm cold" is practically a family motto!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 03, 2013, 10:52:37 AM
Not so much a criticism, but I'm curious: has anyone else ever been forced to put extra clothes on because someone else felt cold? My grandmother does this all the time, drives me nuts. It's summer, in Australia, and you want me to wear socks? :o

Yes!  :D  "Put a sweater on; I'm cold" is practically a family motto!

Yes! I got this as a kid too. And later, as an adult, I got the inverse from my ex's mom: "Take that sweater off, I'm hot!" She liked to keep it about 50 degrees in the house and it bothered her so much that I would leave layers on. She'd flutter around the whole time offering to take them back to the bedroom for me. I think she thought I wasn't Making Myself At Home. Well, no, because my home would have been about 68 degrees! :D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on October 03, 2013, 10:55:13 AM
Not so much a criticism, but I'm curious: has anyone else ever been forced to put extra clothes on because someone else felt cold? My grandmother does this all the time, drives me nuts. It's summer, in Australia, and you want me to wear socks? :o

Yes!  :D  "Put a sweater on; I'm cold" is practically a family motto!

Ours was "It's freezing, you need a sweater!", "I'm not cold", "Well, I am, put a darn sweater on"...cause that will help how?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Asharah on October 03, 2013, 11:43:53 AM
Not so much a criticism, but I'm curious: has anyone else ever been forced to put extra clothes on because someone else felt cold? My grandmother does this all the time, drives me nuts. It's summer, in Australia, and you want me to wear socks? :o

Yes!  :D  "Put a sweater on; I'm cold" is practically a family motto!

Ours was "It's freezing, you need a sweater!", "I'm not cold", "Well, I am, put a darn sweater on"...cause that will help how?
Grandma was constantly telling me I was going to catch cold from running around the house barefoot. Didn't matter what season it was, because at that point I doubt she even knew what month of the year it was.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Asharah on October 03, 2013, 11:51:17 AM
Not so much a criticism, but I'm curious: has anyone else ever been forced to put extra clothes on because someone else felt cold? My grandmother does this all the time, drives me nuts. It's summer, in Australia, and you want me to wear socks? :o

Yes!  :D  "Put a sweater on; I'm cold" is practically a family motto!

Yes! I got this as a kid too. And later, as an adult, I got the inverse from my ex's mom: "Take that sweater off, I'm hot!" She liked to keep it about 50 degrees in the house and it bothered her so much that I would leave layers on. She'd flutter around the whole time offering to take them back to the bedroom for me. I think she thought I wasn't Making Myself At Home. Well, no, because my home would have been about 68 degrees! :D
Boy, she must have had the hot flashes from heck.  >:D :D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: hermanne on October 03, 2013, 11:52:23 AM
Not so much a criticism, but I'm curious: has anyone else ever been forced to put extra clothes on because someone else felt cold? My grandmother does this all the time, drives me nuts. It's summer, in Australia, and you want me to wear socks? :o

Yes!  :D  "Put a sweater on; I'm cold" is practically a family motto!

Ours was "It's freezing, you need a sweater!", "I'm not cold", "Well, I am, put a darn sweater on"...cause that will help how?
Grandma was constantly telling me I was going to catch cold from running around the house barefoot. Didn't matter what season it was, because at that point I doubt she even knew what month of the year it was.

Re.: bolding, MIL is like that, and so is DH (we have hardwood floors.) I'm more lackadaisical (unless MIL is coming over or DH is nearly home from work). Kids love my parents house when we visit (long drive, so not often), because they're allowed to go barefoot. Of course the in-floor radiant heat helps! Mmmm... toasty floors... :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 03, 2013, 11:56:39 AM
Not so much a criticism, but I'm curious: has anyone else ever been forced to put extra clothes on because someone else felt cold? My grandmother does this all the time, drives me nuts. It's summer, in Australia, and you want me to wear socks? :o

Yes!  :D  "Put a sweater on; I'm cold" is practically a family motto!

If I had a dollar for anytime I've heard "You're making me hot/cold just looking at you!" I'd be a happy woman. 

And not from a parent but my best friend, one that made me scratch my head.  She's a bit more warm blooded than myself and the first time I stayed with her, she was dealing with some hot flashes so some rooms of her house were a bit chilly for me so I donned a hoodie. 

She insisted I take it off cause I was making her hot just looking at me, and then said "You can layer on the blankets all you like, but please don't go around wearing a sweatshirt!"  ???
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Chip2 on October 03, 2013, 12:29:02 PM
Not so much a criticism, but I'm curious: has anyone else ever been forced to put extra clothes on because someone else felt cold? My grandmother does this all the time, drives me nuts. It's summer, in Australia, and you want me to wear socks? :o

Yes!  :D  "Put a sweater on; I'm cold" is practically a family motto!

Ours was "It's freezing, you need a sweater!", "I'm not cold", "Well, I am, put a darn sweater on"...cause that will help how?
Grandma was constantly telling me I was going to catch cold from running around the house barefoot. Didn't matter what season it was, because at that point I doubt she even knew what month of the year it was.

I've always been pretty laid-back about my kids wearing jackets. My mom visited me once and the boys (5 and 9 at the time) headed outside in t-shirts. My mom complained that they'd be cold and needed to wear jackets; I said "If they get cold they'll come get one." My mom huffed a little bit. The older boy came in to switch to a long-sleeve shirt but my mom couldn't convince the younger one he was cold. She huffed a little more, but I didn't even notice.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 03, 2013, 12:39:58 PM
I just remembered another, related one. When I was a teen, if it was a cold day and we went somewhere that was warm inside (like a store), it drove my mom nuts if I took off my coat in the store. Not because she was worried I'd forget it, mind you, which would have been a legitimate worry as I can be quite absent-minded. Nope, she thought I was stripping off layers to show off my supposed figure for the males in the store!  ::) ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: lady_disdain on October 03, 2013, 12:48:58 PM
I just remembered another, related one. When I was a teen, if it was a cold day and we went somewhere that was warm inside (like a store), it drove my mom nuts if I took off my coat in the store. Not because she was worried I'd forget it, mind you, which would have been a legitimate worry as I can be quite absent-minded. Nope, she thought I was stripping off layers to show off my supposed figure for the males in the store!  ::) ;D

You know, this is the kind of comment/assumption that makes me wonder about what SHE did as a teen to get male attention! It seems so far fetched that there has to be some kind of story behind it.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Kariachi on October 03, 2013, 01:22:09 PM
Not so much a criticism, but I'm curious: has anyone else ever been forced to put extra clothes on because someone else felt cold? My grandmother does this all the time, drives me nuts. It's summer, in Australia, and you want me to wear socks? :o

Yes!  :D  "Put a sweater on; I'm cold" is practically a family motto!

See, I get the opposite. The rest of my family is warm-blooded (Grandpa goes outside in knee-deep snow without sleeves) while I'm not only cool-blooded but also tend not to eat much. I also spent my early and pubescent years in Mediterranean climates. So we'll be sitting outside in the afternoon, 72 degrees, with my parents rolling their eyes over me having long sleeves on.

I'm so sorry that it was in the fifties when I got up this morning, it's October, and I'm still chilly. I'm not gonna freeze to death just 'cause you can wear short sleeves.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: MerryCat on October 03, 2013, 01:50:58 PM
Not so much a criticism, but I'm curious: has anyone else ever been forced to put extra clothes on because someone else felt cold? My grandmother does this all the time, drives me nuts. It's summer, in Australia, and you want me to wear socks? :o

Yes!  :D  "Put a sweater on; I'm cold" is practically a family motto!

My family was kind of the opposite, "Take that sweater off, I'm roasting!"

Also, "Why on earth are you wearing those big parkas? I'm only in shirtsleeves and I'm too hot!"
Riiight... because the temperature outside, in the middle of winter, is exactly the same as that indoors by the stove  ::)

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: rose red on October 03, 2013, 01:53:12 PM
I saw a comic once with a dad and two kids all bundled up with the caption saying "Because your mother is cold, that's why."  I swore the artist peeked into our window.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Midnight Kitty on October 03, 2013, 02:19:18 PM
Natural hair? It looks nappy? Straight hair? Ashamed of your heritage.
While this wasn't a ridiculous thing my father criticized me about, it is a ridiculous thing he said about someone else.  Dad is a  proud lifetime conservative and has nothing good to say about our president.  Apparently Dad can't even say something nice about Michelle Obama.  He said she was ashamed of her racial heritage because she straightens her hair.  :o

I asked him if that means I'm ashamed of my racial heritage if I get a perm.  He said that was a fallacious argument.  I said he was reading too much into a hairstyle.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Asharah on October 03, 2013, 03:33:52 PM
I saw a comic once with a dad and two kids all bundled up with the caption saying "Because your mother is cold, that's why."  I swore the artist peeked into our window.
I remember one with the caption and it was dad, two kids and the dog in matching sweaters.  ;D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: purplerainbow on October 03, 2013, 03:48:06 PM
Up until recently, my dad had a thing about me cooking to his standard.  ???

I'm 23, and live at home with my parents (saving to move out). To fit in with family routines, I cook dinner once a week - sausages, chips and baked beans. Simple, right?
OK, I admit in the first month or two, I burnt things a little bit, or got my timings a little bit out of sync. But I've not been doing this relatively long, whereas my dad has basically cooked it week in, week out for over 20 years. (Yes, we have it once a week.) I'm OK at cooking for myself - but it's co-ordinating different bits, when dinner is expected to be ready and dished up/on the table by a certain time, that I found hard at first.
So, up until recently, my dad used to sit on a bar stool in the kitchen, and watch me cook.  ::) And not only that, but he'd micromanage. Constant reminders of "do it like this, not like that"; "have you done this yet?" Aaargh! According to my mum, it's something he learnt from my grandmother, but aaargh.
Fortunately, he's stopped. I never argued with him about how best to do it, but I REALLY appreciate the fact that he apparently trusts me enough to cook a decent basic meal nowadays. I still do it how I feel best, it's just really nice not to be micromanaged!

To be fair though, when it comes to pretty much everything to do with my parents at the moment, I just suck it up and get on with it. Their house, their rules. I'll do things my way when I move out.  :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on October 03, 2013, 04:19:23 PM
Quote
Riiight... because the temperature outside, in the middle of winter, is exactly the same as that indoors by the stove.

Back in '93, my then-fiance and I were preparing to get married, and my grandmother was staying with us.  It so happened that the weather was unseasonably cold that week, and when Mr.S and I went for a walk one evening, I had to wear earmuffs.  When I got back to the house, I said "Boy, it's cold out there!"  Nana (who hadn't left the house all day) scoffed and said "No, it's not!" 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: AmethystAnne on October 03, 2013, 04:20:09 PM
^
purplerainbow....welcome to the forum!  :)

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: kherbert05 on October 03, 2013, 07:05:07 PM
Not so much a criticism, but I'm curious: has anyone else ever been forced to put extra clothes on because someone else felt cold? My grandmother does this all the time, drives me nuts. It's summer, in Australia, and you want me to wear socks? :o

I occasionally get a comment about my low cut tank tops (see: summer, Australia) but I think they're just jealous  ;D


Not quite the same but I am SICK of being told to put a coat on when it is in the 60s or 50s (sometimes even lower 70s). I'm not cold leave me alone.

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Library Dragon on October 03, 2013, 09:05:38 PM
I get cold very easily.  My mother would tell me to change if I wore long sleeves, take off a sweater, etc. I would respond that I was cold.  "No you're not," was her response.  Really? Why would I lie?

On the opposite end DSs are always hot. DS1 never wears a coat except as a fashion statement.  DS2 would wear his school uniform shorts and short sleeve polo shirt during the winter.  One summer when DS1 was a toddler it was a stifling New York summer and we were heading out of a store when I was stopped and told by two older women that he needed to be wearing a sweater I he didn't catch cold.  He'd more likely get heat stroke thank you very much.  No, I didn't say it but wanted to.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 04, 2013, 05:30:31 AM
My oldest 2 were born in California and when the oldest was a little one, I took him to the commissary on a typical southern California day that was around 70 degrees.  I hadn't been able to find matching socks for him (these days I've stopped caring) so I just took him barefoot. 

These two women approached me telling me he NEEDED to be wearing socks. Mind you, he was in his infant seat on top of the cart and strapped in.  He wasn't going to be walking anywhere and again..70 degrees.  ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: XRogue on October 04, 2013, 06:43:23 AM
Not a parent story this time, an 81 year old paternal grandmother story....

I had just had DS the month before, grandmother travelled to Houston where I and my parents lived at the time, partly for a dr visit and partly to meet DS. She has her dr visit, I bring babe over that afternoon. ( this was suggested to cheer her up, the news from dr not having been positive).

The first thing out of her mouth about her very first great grandchild was that he looked like my mother's father (both true and a compliment.) the second thing was her saying "ooo Mama, where's my socks! I'm going to freeze!"

Yeah, in Houston, in July, on a 100 degree day.   :o ::)  NVM he would kick anything off his feet the minute it arrived, including a blanket, and still does, 21 years later....

Guess who didn't burn up the road taking baby to visit after that? >:D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: MommyPenguin on October 04, 2013, 07:18:54 AM
You know, I have to say that these forums have been very valuable to me (well, probably particularly my kids) in a way!  I'm a person who runs cold, and I know that.  So I'd probably have realized that the kids might not need to be dressed as warmly as I like to.  But because of all these stories about parents making kids wear warmer or cooler clothes than they're comfortable with, I've tried to be careful with not dictating what level of warmth the kids need to dress to, as long as they have options.  My 3-year-old will wear shorts and t-shirts on 50 degree days.  But she doesn't complain about being cold, so I'm guessing she's not!  Or maybe bouncing off the walls is enough to keep her warm.  :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Dindrane on October 04, 2013, 07:57:16 AM
When I'm at home, I often prefer wrapping up in a blanket to wearing a sweater. For whatever reason, it feels warmer (or at least more snuggly), and it means I have a convenient spot to stick my hands when I'm cold. It does mean I occasionally have to get up to get things with the blanket wrapped around my shoulders like a cape, but I can roll with it.

My dad, on the other hand, is not okay with that. I'd be sitting at the computer with a throw blanket wrapped around my shoulders, or walking somewhere with the blanket not touching the ground, and he'd get annoyed with me and tell me to put on a sweater. I still don't know why it bothered him so much.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 04, 2013, 08:08:44 AM
When I'm at home, I often prefer wrapping up in a blanket to wearing a sweater. For whatever reason, it feels warmer (or at least more snuggly), and it means I have a convenient spot to stick my hands when I'm cold. It does mean I occasionally have to get up to get things with the blanket wrapped around my shoulders like a cape, but I can roll with it.

My dad, on the other hand, is not okay with that. I'd be sitting at the computer with a throw blanket wrapped around my shoulders, or walking somewhere with the blanket not touching the ground, and he'd get annoyed with me and tell me to put on a sweater. I still don't know why it bothered him so much.

My dad always hated when we wandered around with blanket-capes too. I think he might have been worried we'd damage the blanket? Or just didn't like the way it looked? I don't know. I like it too, though, and I now have an item that splits the difference--it's a giant fuzzy hideous knee-length shawl. I'd probably have hopped on the Snuggie train if I hadn't already had this. It's perfect--and since my dog chewed a hole in it years ago, it also has a perfect arm hole to clutch my coffee through.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: XRogue on October 04, 2013, 08:19:46 AM
Lol your dog sounds like mine....keeps doing handy things inadvertently. :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 04, 2013, 08:34:52 AM
Lol your dog sounds like mine....keeps doing handy things inadvertently. :)

She once chewed the bylaws to a horribly annoying and drama-riddled organization I had started to hate belonging to. I was trying to train her out of chewing paper, but I was so amused; I think I ended up crooning "bad dog" while petting her profusely.  >:D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: WolfWay on October 04, 2013, 09:04:48 AM
Quote
Now, according to the relative, I'm putting TOO much effort into my clothes, emphasizing my chest too much and in general just look inappropriate.

When I was 20, my mum gave me heck for what I was planning to wear to work, because it showed a tiny bit of cleavage.  She said "Men will get ideas about you!"  Imagine poor Mum's horror when I retorted "Mum, I WANT men to get ideas about me!".

My mom wasn't really bothered by slight cleavage (like me, she's busty and knows a little bit can sometimes be hard to avoid), but she HAAAAAATES. ARMS. She was always insecure about her own, and insecure by proxy about mine, and on top of that there were situations for which bare arms maybe weren't appropriate, and they all kind of rolled into one constant action of trying to stick a bolero or sweater on me for every possible outfit. I associated it so strongly with her insecurity that I didn't figure out till much later, as an adult, that in some situations it really was about the venue, because the message was so confused and jumbled, and even though I'm a bigger girl, I was somehow born without the capacity to stress about my arms. ;) So I've had to figure out arm-appropriateness on my own as an adult.
My mum was (and is) the same about arms. I've had it so ingrained in my head my entire life that I CANNOT wear sleevess tops or dresses, and that's left me so deeply insecure about it I just can't wear them comfortably in public. I do own sleevless strappy tops, but I always wear them under something else with sleeves (or with a wrap or a scarf pinned around my shoulders).
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 04, 2013, 09:10:54 AM
Quote
Now, according to the relative, I'm putting TOO much effort into my clothes, emphasizing my chest too much and in general just look inappropriate.

When I was 20, my mum gave me heck for what I was planning to wear to work, because it showed a tiny bit of cleavage.  She said "Men will get ideas about you!"  Imagine poor Mum's horror when I retorted "Mum, I WANT men to get ideas about me!".

My mom wasn't really bothered by slight cleavage (like me, she's busty and knows a little bit can sometimes be hard to avoid), but she HAAAAAATES. ARMS. She was always insecure about her own, and insecure by proxy about mine, and on top of that there were situations for which bare arms maybe weren't appropriate, and they all kind of rolled into one constant action of trying to stick a bolero or sweater on me for every possible outfit. I associated it so strongly with her insecurity that I didn't figure out till much later, as an adult, that in some situations it really was about the venue, because the message was so confused and jumbled, and even though I'm a bigger girl, I was somehow born without the capacity to stress about my arms. ;) So I've had to figure out arm-appropriateness on my own as an adult.
My mum was (and is) the same about arms. I've had it so ingrained in my head my entire life that I CANNOT wear sleevess tops or dresses, and that's left me so deeply insecure about it I just can't wear them comfortably in public. I do own sleevless strappy tops, but I always wear them under something else with sleeves (or with a wrap or a scarf pinned around my shoulders).

I seriously have no idea how I avoided feeling this way. I'm like "shoulders, woohoo!" and have no idea where this came from, given my upbringing. Maybe it was just rebellion and stuck around. :D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: exitzero on October 04, 2013, 10:55:23 AM
My mother managed to criticize me about just about anything I did, wore, said, etc.

One day I went to visit her, and I was sitting at the curb outside (steeling myself for the oncoming onslaught) and I wondered to myself how long it would take her to start criticizing me.

Just for giggles, I decided to actually keep a record of how long it would take. I glanced at the clock, remembered the time, walked up the stairway, opened the door, and...

"You're parked kind of far from the curb, aren't you?"

I burst out laughing.

Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Snooks on October 07, 2013, 12:10:05 PM
I have one that combines accidents and coats.  I honestly can't remember why but for some reason my cousins had arrived at our house in a different car from their parents.  The drive home was a fairly long one and my auntie was panicking about my cousin making the drive (despite my cousin having done the drive, and longer, many times before) just before they got in the car my auntie shouted "Well at least put your coat on!".  I wonder if my cousin still has that accident preventing jacket...
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Elisabunny on October 07, 2013, 12:13:58 PM
I have one that combines accidents and coats.  I honestly can't remember why but for some reason my cousins had arrived at our house in a different car from their parents.  The drive home was a fairly long one and my auntie was panicking about my cousin making the drive (despite my cousin having done the drive, and longer, many times before) just before they got in the car my auntie shouted "Well at least put your coat on!".  I wonder if my cousin still has that accident preventing jacket...

Cousin obviously was going to be in an accident, so a coat was needed to stay warm in while waiting for the ambulance/police/tow truck.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: rose red on October 07, 2013, 12:51:37 PM
I have one that combines accidents and coats.  I honestly can't remember why but for some reason my cousins had arrived at our house in a different car from their parents.  The drive home was a fairly long one and my auntie was panicking about my cousin making the drive (despite my cousin having done the drive, and longer, many times before) just before they got in the car my auntie shouted "Well at least put your coat on!".  I wonder if my cousin still has that accident preventing jacket...

Cousin obviously was going to be in an accident, so a coat was needed to stay warm in while waiting for the ambulance/police/tow truck.

But the important quesion is.....was cousin wearing clean underwear?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: MommyPenguin on October 07, 2013, 12:55:47 PM
I have one that combines accidents and coats.  I honestly can't remember why but for some reason my cousins had arrived at our house in a different car from their parents.  The drive home was a fairly long one and my auntie was panicking about my cousin making the drive (despite my cousin having done the drive, and longer, many times before) just before they got in the car my auntie shouted "Well at least put your coat on!".  I wonder if my cousin still has that accident preventing jacket...

Cousin obviously was going to be in an accident, so a coat was needed to stay warm in while waiting for the ambulance/police/tow truck.

But the important quesion is.....was cousin wearing clean underwear?

With the days of the week on it?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: nuit93 on October 07, 2013, 12:56:43 PM
I have one that combines accidents and coats.  I honestly can't remember why but for some reason my cousins had arrived at our house in a different car from their parents.  The drive home was a fairly long one and my auntie was panicking about my cousin making the drive (despite my cousin having done the drive, and longer, many times before) just before they got in the car my auntie shouted "Well at least put your coat on!".  I wonder if my cousin still has that accident preventing jacket...

Cousin obviously was going to be in an accident, so a coat was needed to stay warm in while waiting for the ambulance/police/tow truck.

But the important quesion is.....was cousin wearing clean underwear?

With the days of the week on it?

And wearing the correct day?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: gramma dishes on October 07, 2013, 01:30:02 PM
I have one that combines accidents and coats.  I honestly can't remember why but for some reason my cousins had arrived at our house in a different car from their parents.  The drive home was a fairly long one and my auntie was panicking about my cousin making the drive (despite my cousin having done the drive, and longer, many times before) just before they got in the car my auntie shouted "Well at least put your coat on!".  I wonder if my cousin still has that accident preventing jacket...

Cousin obviously was going to be in an accident, so a coat was needed to stay warm in while waiting for the ambulance/police/tow truck.

But the important quesion is.....was cousin wearing clean underwear?

With the days of the week on it?

And wearing the correct day?

And I certainly hope it wasn't either the black or the red pair!!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 07, 2013, 01:38:22 PM
I have one that combines accidents and coats.  I honestly can't remember why but for some reason my cousins had arrived at our house in a different car from their parents.  The drive home was a fairly long one and my auntie was panicking about my cousin making the drive (despite my cousin having done the drive, and longer, many times before) just before they got in the car my auntie shouted "Well at least put your coat on!".  I wonder if my cousin still has that accident preventing jacket...

Cousin obviously was going to be in an accident, so a coat was needed to stay warm in while waiting for the ambulance/police/tow truck.

But the important quesion is.....was cousin wearing clean underwear?

With the days of the week on it?

And wearing the correct day?

And I certainly hope it wasn't either the black or the red pair!!

Clearly, the trick is to not get into a wreck on a Friday or Saturday.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: cutejellybeen on October 07, 2013, 02:23:38 PM
My mom gives me crap for enjoying thrift stores and discount retailers. Which is weird because we were quite poor when I was young and Target was as fancy as we got for school clothes.

Maybe it's because she HAD to shop there and had no choice (being poor), so now that she doesn't have to she's emotionally completely against it?

My parents did have money when I was growing up - and with two kids still at home - my mom loves shopping at those store every time we go to the states, and she always comes back with the best stuff for us!!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Micah on October 07, 2013, 04:15:32 PM
My MIL wouldn't shut up because I brought a shirt from an Op shop (thrift store). I loathe buying new clothes. The expense and the stress just does my head in, but I love second hand clothes shopping  :) She initially like the shirt until she asked where I'd gotten it. Then the nose wrinkling started. Then the comments, "This is why you should get a job, so you can afford nice things!" "Someone else has WORN that! You don't know what they DID in it!"  ::) To this day she asks OH if I still buy old clothes. With the same disgusted mouth twist that someone would use if they asked if someone still played in raw sewerage.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: magicdomino on October 07, 2013, 04:36:14 PM
Not a criticism, but an odd comment my mother said when I turned 21.  She said that now that I was 21, she didn't have to pay for my wedding.   ???  Okaaay.  Now, I realize that a parent isn't obligated to contribute to wedding expenses regardless of age, and frankly she was so cheap that the complaints wouldn't have been worth the little bit of money.  However, I didn't have a steady boyfriend, much less a potential fiance.  Second, would she really have wanted me to marry before 21 years old? 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Snooks on October 07, 2013, 05:13:16 PM
I have one that combines accidents and coats.  I honestly can't remember why but for some reason my cousins had arrived at our house in a different car from their parents.  The drive home was a fairly long one and my auntie was panicking about my cousin making the drive (despite my cousin having done the drive, and longer, many times before) just before they got in the car my auntie shouted "Well at least put your coat on!".  I wonder if my cousin still has that accident preventing jacket...

Cousin obviously was going to be in an accident, so a coat was needed to stay warm in while waiting for the ambulance/police/tow truck.

But the important quesion is.....was cousin wearing clean underwear?

With the days of the week on it?

And wearing the correct day?

And I certainly hope it wasn't either the black or the red pair!!

Clearly, the trick is to not get into a wreck on a Friday or Saturday.

It's ok I think it was a Sunday  ;)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TootsNYC on October 07, 2013, 05:52:42 PM
Not so much a criticism, but I'm curious: has anyone else ever been forced to put extra clothes on because someone else felt cold? My grandmother does this all the time, drives me nuts. It's summer, in Australia, and you want me to wear socks? :o

Yes!  :D  "Put a sweater on; I'm cold" is practically a family motto!

You do know the definition of the word "sweater," don't you?

Sweater (noun): What you put on when your mother is cold.


However, I say to my children: "Put on a sweater, you're making me cold just looking at you."
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TootsNYC on October 07, 2013, 05:56:31 PM
When I'm at home, I often prefer wrapping up in a blanket to wearing a sweater. For whatever reason, it feels warmer (or at least more snuggly), and it means I have a convenient spot to stick my hands when I'm cold. It does mean I occasionally have to get up to get things with the blanket wrapped around my shoulders like a cape, but I can roll with it.

My dad, on the other hand, is not okay with that. I'd be sitting at the computer with a throw blanket wrapped around my shoulders, or walking somewhere with the blanket not touching the ground, and he'd get annoyed with me and tell me to put on a sweater. I still don't know why it bothered him so much.

My dad always hated when we wandered around with blanket-capes too. I think he might have been worried we'd damage the blanket? Or just didn't like the way it looked? I don't know. I like it too, though, and I now have an item that splits the difference--it's a giant fuzzy hideous knee-length shawl. I'd probably have hopped on the Snuggie train if I hadn't already had this. It's perfect--and since my dog chewed a hole in it years ago, it also has a perfect arm hole to clutch my coffee through.

I wonder if those dads are projecting: the cumbersome-ness of the blanket would annoy him. So it annoys him when he sees it on  you.

And, I might object because people w/ blankets on might be more likely to knock stuff over.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TootsNYC on October 07, 2013, 06:12:00 PM
Natural hair? It looks nappy? Straight hair? Ashamed of your heritage.
While this wasn't a ridiculous thing my father criticized me about, it is a ridiculous thing he said about someone else.  Dad is a  proud lifetime conservative and has nothing good to say about our president.  Apparently Dad can't even say something nice about Michelle Obama.  He said she was ashamed of her racial heritage because she straightens her hair.  :o

I asked him if that means I'm ashamed of my racial heritage if I get a perm.  He said that was a fallacious argument.  I said he was reading too much into a hairstyle.

I am always amazed at how easily some people will embrace total fallacies, and read the worst possible meaning into something their enemy—political or personal—has done. I'm breathless sometimes.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on October 07, 2013, 06:12:23 PM
Or catch fire if they pass a candle or fireplace. Equally unlikely, but possibilities nonetheless.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on October 07, 2013, 06:22:39 PM
Or catch fire if they pass a candle or fireplace. Equally unlikely, but possibilities nonetheless.

My grandma has lit her hair on a fire a few times, usually leaning too close to a candle (though there was lighting the cigarette on the stove, and gesturing with a cigarette, separate occasions), so I could see this being a real concern in my family.

I'm more likely to do a sweatshirt over the blanket thing, mostly cause I'd trip myself. Or I'd stand still and my dogs would start trying to "nest" in any blanket hitting the ground.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Kate on October 07, 2013, 06:37:20 PM
On the topic of cutting long hair:  about 20 years ago I cut my hair into a bob that was just above my shoulders.  I thought it looked cute, and so did my husband (that's what he said, anyway).  You wouldn't believe the number of people who asked me "But what does (Husband) think of it?  What did he say?  Was he mad?"  Bewildered, I said "Why on earth should he be mad?  It's MY hair." 


Its because a lot of men seem to prefer long hair and short hair is supposed to be unfeminine and your husband will be turned off if you cut your hair ::)...I've noticed that many men don't have a clue that long hair doesn't look good on everyone.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Kate on October 07, 2013, 06:45:39 PM
My mom didn't like long hair on us, her daughters. What did she like? Perms. Not spiral perms, tight and poodle like perms.

So once a month or so, operation perming would commence. Thank God that my hair sheds perms within a few days. Poodle hair is not for me.
My mom had a thing about long hair too as if girls with long hair were low class or something..never quite understood that one......my hair was always cut in a short dutch bob ....with crooked bangs :(
 I would cry and beg to grow my hair long like my cousins...I envied their braids LOL When I became a teen I grew my hair out and wore it long for years. Mom would occasionally remark that I would look better with short hair...she was probably right, but long hair was the style in the 70s.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TootsNYC on October 07, 2013, 06:51:16 PM
On the topic of cutting long hair:  about 20 years ago I cut my hair into a bob that was just above my shoulders.  I thought it looked cute, and so did my husband (that's what he said, anyway).  You wouldn't believe the number of people who asked me "But what does (Husband) think of it?  What did he say?  Was he mad?"  Bewildered, I said "Why on earth should he be mad?  It's MY hair." 


Its because a lot of men seem to prefer long hair and short hair is supposed to be unfeminine and your husband will be turned off if you cut your hair ::)...I've noticed that many men don't have a clue that long hair doesn't look good on everyone.

When I went from shoulder length to ear length, I got that too. Meanwhile, DH is nibbling on my neck all the dingdangity time...
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: PastryGoddess on October 07, 2013, 07:01:04 PM
On the topic of cutting long hair:  about 20 years ago I cut my hair into a bob that was just above my shoulders.  I thought it looked cute, and so did my husband (that's what he said, anyway).  You wouldn't believe the number of people who asked me "But what does (Husband) think of it?  What did he say?  Was he mad?"  Bewildered, I said "Why on earth should he be mad?  It's MY hair." 


Its because a lot of men seem to prefer long hair and short hair is supposed to be unfeminine and your husband will be turned off if you cut your hair ::)...I've noticed that many men don't have a clue that long hair doesn't look good on everyone.

When I went from shoulder length to ear length, I got that too. Meanwhile, DH is nibbling on my neck all the dingdangity time...

You poor poor thing :D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: kherbert05 on October 07, 2013, 07:03:46 PM
You know, I have to say that these forums have been very valuable to me (well, probably particularly my kids) in a way!  I'm a person who runs cold, and I know that.  So I'd probably have realized that the kids might not need to be dressed as warmly as I like to.  But because of all these stories about parents making kids wear warmer or cooler clothes than they're comfortable with, I've tried to be careful with not dictating what level of warmth the kids need to dress to, as long as they have options.  My 3-year-old will wear shorts and t-shirts on 50 degree days.  But she doesn't complain about being cold, so I'm guessing she's not!  Or maybe bouncing off the walls is enough to keep her warm.  :)
Good for you. I run hot to begin with. With Houston winters I need a light jacket (Can't stand sweaters) maybe 5 days a year - if I'm going to be outside for more than 10  - 15 minutes.  For get out the the car go into store, leave store go to car - I don't need anything unless it is raining.


Two tricks Mom used for busybodies (and sometimes teachers/parents of friends)
1. Oh it is ok she runs hot
2. I have (jeans/jacket) in the car if she gets cold


A third one she used was kind of specific to me - She'll break out in welts/hives from overheating if she puts on a Jacket in this weather.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Dindrane on October 07, 2013, 09:40:01 PM
When I'm at home, I often prefer wrapping up in a blanket to wearing a sweater. For whatever reason, it feels warmer (or at least more snuggly), and it means I have a convenient spot to stick my hands when I'm cold. It does mean I occasionally have to get up to get things with the blanket wrapped around my shoulders like a cape, but I can roll with it.

My dad, on the other hand, is not okay with that. I'd be sitting at the computer with a throw blanket wrapped around my shoulders, or walking somewhere with the blanket not touching the ground, and he'd get annoyed with me and tell me to put on a sweater. I still don't know why it bothered him so much.

My dad always hated when we wandered around with blanket-capes too. I think he might have been worried we'd damage the blanket? Or just didn't like the way it looked? I don't know. I like it too, though, and I now have an item that splits the difference--it's a giant fuzzy hideous knee-length shawl. I'd probably have hopped on the Snuggie train if I hadn't already had this. It's perfect--and since my dog chewed a hole in it years ago, it also has a perfect arm hole to clutch my coffee through.

I wonder if those dads are projecting: the cumbersome-ness of the blanket would annoy him. So it annoys him when he sees it on  you.

And, I might object because people w/ blankets on might be more likely to knock stuff over.

I always figured it was the projecting more than anything else. I sort of clutch the blanket around me when I have to get up, so it's not swinging around hitting things or dragging on the floor. And if I have to do something seriously complex (i.e. anything in the kitchen or anything that requires significant arm motion), I usually put the blanket down or just leave it wherever I was sitting.

It was just always odd to me that my dad would complain without giving me any real reason (even when I asked). Especially since the entire reason I was wearing blankets around was because he likes to keep the house relatively cool in the winter (a notion I fully support...as long as I get to wrap up in a blanket when I want to).
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on October 07, 2013, 10:25:00 PM
You know, I have to say that these forums have been very valuable to me (well, probably particularly my kids) in a way!  I'm a person who runs cold, and I know that.  So I'd probably have realized that the kids might not need to be dressed as warmly as I like to.  But because of all these stories about parents making kids wear warmer or cooler clothes than they're comfortable with, I've tried to be careful with not dictating what level of warmth the kids need to dress to, as long as they have options.  My 3-year-old will wear shorts and t-shirts on 50 degree days.  But she doesn't complain about being cold, so I'm guessing she's not!  Or maybe bouncing off the walls is enough to keep her warm.  :)
Good for you. I run hot to begin with. With Houston winters I need a light jacket (Can't stand sweaters) maybe 5 days a year - if I'm going to be outside for more than 10  - 15 minutes.  For get out the the car go into store, leave store go to car - I don't need anything unless it is raining.


Two tricks Mom used for busybodies (and sometimes teachers/parents of friends)
1. Oh it is ok she runs hot
2. I have (jeans/jacket) in the car if she gets cold


A third one she used was kind of specific to me - She'll break out in welts/hives from overheating if she puts on a Jacket in this weather.

You too? I thought I was the only one! Not sure whether to  :D or  :(
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Emmy on October 08, 2013, 11:14:46 PM
On the topic of cutting long hair:  about 20 years ago I cut my hair into a bob that was just above my shoulders.  I thought it looked cute, and so did my husband (that's what he said, anyway).  You wouldn't believe the number of people who asked me "But what does (Husband) think of it?  What did he say?  Was he mad?"  Bewildered, I said "Why on earth should he be mad?  It's MY hair." 


Its because a lot of men seem to prefer long hair and short hair is supposed to be unfeminine and your husband will be turned off if you cut your hair ::)...I've noticed that many men don't have a clue that long hair doesn't look good on everyone.

That's true, not everyone can have full flowing locks.  I have fine hair and a lot of it.  When my hair is long, it won't hold a style and just looks limp.  I also refuse to revolve my life around doing my hair.  Long does not always equal pretty.  Gladly for me, my DH isn't a fan of long hair.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 09, 2013, 05:53:15 AM
My mother criticized me once for discussing our finances with my oldest child.  Mind you, it wasn't like I was showing him our budget, telling him how much his father and I make, or discussing any debt with him.  All I had said was something to the effect of "We're not wealthy enough to be buying you boys a brand new computer just for you to play on."

According to my mother (and I don't believe she found this out the way she claims she did) the teacher called her concerned that DH and I are struggling for money because pirateboy1 told her "My parents can't afford to buy us a computer."  Is it just me or does that sound suspicious?  ???   Substitute "new clothes, food, shelter, etc." and I could see a fine reason for a call home...to the parents.  When I questioned as to why I wasn't called, my mom said "Well she tried to call you, but she couldn't get ahold of you."  I had a cell phone, and there was no record of missed calls from the school, or what might be the teacher's private number, and no messages left. 

Anyway, after explaining just what I told the child, I was told "Well you shouldn't be discussing finances at ALL with your child."


Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: violinp on October 09, 2013, 07:51:59 AM
My mother criticized me once for discussing our finances with my oldest child.  Mind you, it wasn't like I was showing him our budget, telling him how much his father and I make, or discussing any debt with him.  All I had said was something to the effect of "We're not wealthy enough to be buying you boys a brand new computer just for you to play on."

According to my mother (and I don't believe she found this out the way she claims she did) the teacher called her concerned that DH and I are struggling for money because pirateboy1 told her "My parents can't afford to buy us a computer."  Is it just me or does that sound suspicious?  ???   Substitute "new clothes, food, shelter, etc." and I could see a fine reason for a call home...to the parents.  When I questioned as to why I wasn't called, my mom said "Well she tried to call you, but she couldn't get ahold of you."  I had a cell phone, and there was no record of missed calls from the school, or what might be the teacher's private number, and no messages left. 

Anyway, after explaining just what I told the child, I was told "Well you shouldn't be discussing finances at ALL with your child."

My parents had no problem saying, "We can't afford that" to Cabbage and me. I personally think it would be asinine to not be able to tell your kids whether something is affordable or not. Of course, deep discussions of the budget would be out of order, but grounding kids in reality is never a bad idea.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: RebeccainGA on October 09, 2013, 08:07:46 AM
I grew up in a house where I knew my parents financial situation to the penny, on a nearly daily basis, after the age of twelve (I did all the grocery shopping for them, mom driving me, and later even paid their bills and such). Not because they couldn't (adults, healthy mentally and physically) but because it was HAAAAAAARD and they knew I was good at math. It took me moving to another state before I wasn't that involved. THAT is unhealthy.

Knowing your parents can't just drop 2K on a cool gaming computer on a whim? That's normal!
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on October 09, 2013, 08:38:02 AM
My mother criticized me once for discussing our finances with my oldest child.  Mind you, it wasn't like I was showing him our budget, telling him how much his father and I make, or discussing any debt with him.  All I had said was something to the effect of "We're not wealthy enough to be buying you boys a brand new computer just for you to play on."

According to my mother (and I don't believe she found this out the way she claims she did) the teacher called her concerned that DH and I are struggling for money because pirateboy1 told her "My parents can't afford to buy us a computer."  Is it just me or does that sound suspicious?  ???   Substitute "new clothes, food, shelter, etc." and I could see a fine reason for a call home...to the parents.  When I questioned as to why I wasn't called, my mom said "Well she tried to call you, but she couldn't get ahold of you."  I had a cell phone, and there was no record of missed calls from the school, or what might be the teacher's private number, and no messages left. 

Anyway, after explaining just what I told the child, I was told "Well you shouldn't be discussing finances at ALL with your child."

My parents had no problem saying, "We can't afford that" to Cabbage and me. I personally think it would be asinine to not be able to tell your kids whether something is affordable or not. Of course, deep discussions of the budget would be out of order, but grounding kids in reality is never a bad idea.

We have a family meeting once a month to talk about how much we have saved, any big plans coming up, etc. That way DS knows our basic budget without being plagued with the nitty gritty details. He has an allowance, gets lunch money, and works a summer and occasional weekend job that he is paid for, so he is learning to budget for himself.

I grew up in the household where there was no budget, things frequently got cut off for non-payment and we had government supplied food frequently. This was due to poor decisions and financial planning, and we were never taught how to manage money. My parents don't like that I share information with DS, but I do not care.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on October 09, 2013, 08:49:56 AM
It's both healthy and wise to share financial information with your children.  They don't need to know where every penny comes from and goes but, by about the age of ten, they should know the general family situation. 

Most schools don't teach children how to handle bank accounts and credit cards.  They don't so the family has to do it. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on October 09, 2013, 10:15:02 AM
This is somewhat timely, because a co-worker friend of mine recently had this conversation with her 15-year-old daughter:

Daughter:  Today we learned about Haiti in school.  Boy, there's a lot of poverty there - I can relate.
Co-worker:  What do you mean, you can relate?
Daughter:  Well, WE'RE poor.
Co-worker:  What?  No, we're not! 

She has no idea why her daughter thinks they're "poor", and even if they were, comparing their situation with people in Haiti is incredible. 

(For the record, my friend works in I.T. and earns a very good salary.  Her husband is well-paid, too.)

She's thinking it's time for a frank talk about finances.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on October 09, 2013, 10:15:34 AM
I always knew mine and my mom's budget. I mean, not at like 5, but once I was around 11 I did. Heck when I was a teenager I handled all our grocery shopping and was often put in charge of paying bills. Not because my mom couldn't, but she worked full time and went to school and often picked up an extra job or extra shifts so we could make it, so she didn't have time to grocery shop or sit down and pay the bills. I also handled our laundry, made us dinners, and after seeing what she spent eating in her work cafeteria every day, started making her lunches. But our family dynamic was different then the average families, it was just the two of us, she had to rely on me to handle some adult things or she would've gone batty. And I liked it, I felt very grown up with my coupons and grocery list (as an adult I feel less grown up with my grocery list and can never remember the dang coupons). And I'll say this, I was much more prepared for adulthood then my friends were. I had to sit most of them down and go "Ok, so this is a budget"....and credit cards are not part of your budget.

However I think "No, we can't afford that", is a pretty basic standard thing most parents say to kids. "Mom, I want a iPad!", "No", "But why not?", "Because we can't afford an iPad", "But I want one!", "We still can't afford it", seems like a reasonable answer to me.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 09, 2013, 10:58:01 AM
Reminds me of something Bill Huxtable said.  Vanessa (I think) said something about being rich.  He said "Your mother and I are rich. You have nothing."

I once griped to my dh that my folks seemed to have double standards as to their reasons for why I couldn't have something but then they'd turn around and give it to my brother.  For example, I couldn't have a bunk bed because I didn't share a room so there was no need for one.  Then they bought one for my brother.  There were two of us, of different genders and thus our own rooms.  He had no need to share a room either and no more need for bunk beds than I did.

DH said "Well maybe they couldn't afford it when you asked, but they could when he did." Which is possible, but if that was the case, it's a fine example of where it would be better to be honest since the reason they gave made it look like favoritism.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Twik on October 09, 2013, 11:17:48 AM
This is somewhat timely, because a co-worker friend of mine recently had this conversation with her 15-year-old daughter:

Daughter:  Today we learned about Haiti in school.  Boy, there's a lot of poverty there - I can relate.
Co-worker:  What do you mean, you can relate?
Daughter:  Well, WE'RE poor.
Co-worker:  What?  No, we're not! 

She has no idea why her daughter thinks they're "poor", and even if they were, comparing their situation with people in Haiti is incredible. 

(For the record, my friend works in I.T. and earns a very good salary.  Her husband is well-paid, too.)

She's thinking it's time for a frank talk about finances.

It may also be a time to talk about perspective. One may not be a Kardassian, it doesn't mean you have it no better than someone living hand to mouth in a shanty.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on October 09, 2013, 12:19:56 PM
My biggest issue was that we, as children, were never given a straight answer on any topic that concerned money. I will take a "No" any day over a "We'll see". "We'll see" always turned into "we are going to ignore that request and if you ever bring it up, you will be in trouble". Very confusing for a child.  :(
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on October 09, 2013, 02:09:50 PM
I think I owe my parents a huge thank you.  Apart from minor swipes -- the kind you get from anyone you live with, the stories here are totally alien to me.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: weeblewobble on October 09, 2013, 02:38:49 PM
I agree that it's good for kids to get a REALISTIC view of the family finances.  My mom made a few comments about how our money situation was going to change once my dad took a job in a different state.  (Meaning I wouldn't get several paperbacks from the bookstore whenever I asked for them and that we wouldn't be eating out on a whim anymore. Special occasions only for both.) But between that and some PSA's going on at the time about how any family could become homeless, I assumed we were teetering on the edge of losing our house/bankruptcy for years.  It caused me a lot of undue stress, since we were really doing OK.

So I talk to my kids about what it means to be poor (i.e. not having a house or food or medical care) and what our basic financial picture looks like. I think it's good for them.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Yvaine on October 09, 2013, 02:59:26 PM
My biggest issue was that we, as children, were never given a straight answer on any topic that concerned money. I will take a "No" any day over a "We'll see". "We'll see" always turned into "we are going to ignore that request and if you ever bring it up, you will be in trouble". Very confusing for a child.  :(

"We'll see" was a no with us too. "Heck no," however, was always a joke and meant "yes." :D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Gail on October 09, 2013, 03:26:30 PM
Quote
My biggest issue was that we, as children, were never given a straight answer on any topic that concerned money. I will take a "No" any day over a "We'll see". "We'll see" always turned into "we are going to ignore that request and if you ever bring it up, you will be in trouble". Very confusing for a child.  :(

A "We'll see" is much better than saying "we can't afford that" and then, when the occasion has expired (concert passed, offer expired) saying "why didn't you say something? we'd had bought it for you".
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: ladyknight1 on October 09, 2013, 03:27:43 PM
"We'll see" is a carrot when the person saying it has no intention of ever following up on the subject again. YMMV
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Shalamar on October 09, 2013, 04:00:35 PM
One thing I've always tried to do with my own kids is to give them a straight answer if there's no way in heck I'm ever going to say yes to a request.  Examples:

Daughter:  Mum, can we get a dog?
Me:  Nope. 
Daughter:  Why not?
Me:  Because I don't like dogs, they're too much work (in my opinion), and we have three cats.  So, no, we're never getting a dog.  Ever.

They still bring it up every so often, evidently hoping I'll have changed my mind, but at least they can't say "But you said 'We'll see'/'Maybe', that means yes!".
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on October 09, 2013, 07:08:29 PM
I'm not a parent, but I think kids need to hear "we can't afford that" when it's true.  Imagine growing up not knowing that money is a factor in decision making. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: MommyPenguin on October 09, 2013, 07:14:08 PM
I say "we'll see" for something that I may be willing to do/let them do, but I'm not willing to commit to until the time comes.  For example, if the kids ask if they can watch a movie after we're done with schoolwork.  I'm not going to say "yes," because it's hard to say exactly how long schoolwork will take and whether we'll have time before soccer practice, or whatever.  I don't want to say "no," though, because maybe we *will* have time.  So I'll usually say, "we'll see," and sometimes explain what it's contingent on, "it depends on whether there's time before soccer practice, and whether your room is clean," or what not.  For me, "we'll see" means "I am not going to say yes if it turns out that it's difficult/impossible to give you what you're asking for, but I simply don't know at this point whether it will be possible or not."  So I think there can be legit uses for it, although I'll agree that if it *always* means "no, but I don't want to give you a straight answer," then it's definitely a problem.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: CakeEater on October 10, 2013, 05:07:00 AM
It's both healthy and wise to share financial information with your children.  They don't need to know where every penny comes from and goes but, by about the age of ten, they should know the general family situation. 

Most schools don't teach children how to handle bank accounts and credit cards.  They don't so the family has to do it.

I'd go with, bank accounts and credit cards are squarely a family responsibility, which is why schools don't teach children how to handle them.

BUt other than that, yes, kids should know the general family situation.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Hmmmmm on October 10, 2013, 02:57:08 PM
Reminds me of something Bill Huxtable said.  Vanessa (I think) said something about being rich.  He said "Your mother and I are rich. You have nothing."

Snip

My parents pretty much told me the same. By HS, I had good knowledge of my parent's financial position, I thought. I knew what they spent on a mortgage, car payments, utilities and groceries, and their monthly limit for discretionary spending. They had 3 checking accounts, moms, dads, and the "farm" account. The farm was Dad's hobby. I had check writing priviledges on mom's and dad's because I did so many of the errands and we were all scrupulous about keeping the checkbooks updated and balanced. One day I grabbed the wrong checkbook and was SHOCKED by the balance shown for that farm account. They switched their pleas of poverty over to "well yes we COULD afford it but we CHOOSE not to" after that day.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Bethalize on October 12, 2013, 05:42:15 AM
They switched their pleas of poverty over to "well yes we COULD afford it but we CHOOSE not to" after that day.

That to me is more honest and more helpful in the long run. I hate it when people say "I can't afford it" when actually they mean "I don't want to spend my money on that." I can't "afford" £500 for a girl's night out but I can "afford" £500 for new glasses/car repairs/whatever I chose. Helping people understand there are consequences to choices is much more helpful than instilling the idea that X is okay to spend money on and Y is not.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: kherbert05 on October 12, 2013, 06:33:32 AM
I always knew mine and my mom's budget. I mean, not at like 5, but once I was around 11 I did. Heck when I was a teenager I handled all our grocery shopping and was often put in charge of paying bills. Not because my mom couldn't, but she worked full time and went to school and often picked up an extra job or extra shifts so we could make it, so she didn't have time to grocery shop or sit down and pay the bills. I also handled our laundry, made us dinners, and after seeing what she spent eating in her work cafeteria every day, started making her lunches. But our family dynamic was different then the average families, it was just the two of us, she had to rely on me to handle some adult things or she would've gone batty. And I liked it, I felt very grown up with my coupons and grocery list (as an adult I feel less grown up with my grocery list and can never remember the dang coupons). And I'll say this, I was much more prepared for adulthood then my friends were. I had to sit most of them down and go "Ok, so this is a budget"....and credit cards are not part of your budget.

However I think "No, we can't afford that", is a pretty basic standard thing most parents say to kids. "Mom, I want a iPad!", "No", "But why not?", "Because we can't afford an iPad", "But I want one!", "We still can't afford it", seems like a reasonable answer to me.
I would go further. My Cousin C's son wanted an Ipad desperately his 2nd grade year. They helped him compare prices and specs and gave him a flat amount they would contribute. They also let the rest of the family know he was saving up for one, when we asked about birthday and Christmas. He saved his allowance money, school snack money, did extra chores, worked for neighbors, and between July and December saved enough money for his Ipad. You better believe that thing gets treated with great care.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Venus193 on October 12, 2013, 08:30:21 AM
It just occurred to me that my mother would likely criticize me for attending the opera.  She never found it interesting and would have convinced herself that I go only because it has snob appeal.

Not even Frasier Crane's dad would have said that.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Cz. Burrito on October 12, 2013, 09:05:53 AM
They switched their pleas of poverty over to "well yes we COULD afford it but we CHOOSE not to" after that day.

That to me is more honest and more helpful in the long run. I hate it when people say "I can't afford it" when actually they mean "I don't want to spend my money on that." I can't "afford" £500 for a girl's night out but I can "afford" £500 for new glasses/car repairs/whatever I chose. Helping people understand there are consequences to choices is much more helpful than instilling the idea that X is okay to spend money on and Y is not.

I've tried to change my mindset over to that for myself.  I don't have to answer to anybody else or justify my choices to anybody else, but it's empowering to embrace that what I spend my money on is a choice; nobody is forcing me to do it.  I think that's a good attitude to instill in children.  I choose not to afford a more expensive home or car because I choose to put money in savings so as to improve my security for the future.  Other people choose differently and that is their choice.  I think it does no good to cry poor when that's not the whole story.  Now, certainly, for some people, it is more true than for others.  There are some people who have to choose between paying the electric bill or buying food, which is still a choice, granted one with a lot more gravity to it that feels a heck of a lot less empowering.  On the other end of things, I know children whose mother has bought a vacation home and cries poor all the time because she has to pay two mortgages.  The children feel like the family is poor and that they are a burden on their mother because she is treating a very, very obvious financial choice as something that was forced upon her.  That does a great disservice to the children.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Thipu1 on October 12, 2013, 10:42:40 AM
One time I wasn't wearing my wedding ring when I visited my mother.  I didn't realize it would be a problem at the time but it caused all sorts of scuttlebutt in the family.

The truth was innocent.  I had been working with a wire brush and my ring finger had been pierced by one of the bristles. This made the ring uncomfortable so I took it off for a few days. 

Unfortunately, those few days coincided with a visit to my mother. She didn't say a word to me about it but the state of our marriage became a major topic of speculation. 
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: weeblewobble on October 12, 2013, 08:10:32 PM
One time I wasn't wearing my wedding ring when I visited my mother.  I didn't realize it would be a problem at the time but it caused all sorts of scuttlebutt in the family.

The truth was innocent.  I had been working with a wire brush and my ring finger had been pierced by one of the bristles. This made the ring uncomfortable so I took it off for a few days. 

Unfortunately, those few days coincided with a visit to my mother. She didn't say a word to me about it but the state of our marriage became a major topic of speculation.

Ha! I participate in an exercise class in which wearing any rings would injure me or the people I am sparring with.  A friend's mom saw me walking into class and I stopped to say hello.  She asked where my wedding ring was and I said I took it off for class.  She whispered, "But aren't there MEN in that class?  Won't they get the wrong idea if you don't have on a ring?"

Because apparently, by taking off my wedding ring, I took down my invisible shield of propriety.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: MommyPenguin on October 12, 2013, 09:35:00 PM
I always knew mine and my mom's budget. I mean, not at like 5, but once I was around 11 I did. Heck when I was a teenager I handled all our grocery shopping and was often put in charge of paying bills. Not because my mom couldn't, but she worked full time and went to school and often picked up an extra job or extra shifts so we could make it, so she didn't have time to grocery shop or sit down and pay the bills. I also handled our laundry, made us dinners, and after seeing what she spent eating in her work cafeteria every day, started making her lunches. But our family dynamic was different then the average families, it was just the two of us, she had to rely on me to handle some adult things or she would've gone batty. And I liked it, I felt very grown up with my coupons and grocery list (as an adult I feel less grown up with my grocery list and can never remember the dang coupons). And I'll say this, I was much more prepared for adulthood then my friends were. I had to sit most of them down and go "Ok, so this is a budget"....and credit cards are not part of your budget.

However I think "No, we can't afford that", is a pretty basic standard thing most parents say to kids. "Mom, I want a iPad!", "No", "But why not?", "Because we can't afford an iPad", "But I want one!", "We still can't afford it", seems like a reasonable answer to me.
I would go further. My Cousin C's son wanted an Ipad desperately his 2nd grade year. They helped him compare prices and specs and gave him a flat amount they would contribute. They also let the rest of the family know he was saving up for one, when we asked about birthday and Christmas. He saved his allowance money, school snack money, did extra chores, worked for neighbors, and between July and December saved enough money for his Ipad. You better believe that thing gets treated with great care.

My kids like to save for "big" things with their allowance (big, in their minds, is stuff like the LEGO sets that are in the $30-80 range).  They do pretty well with it, especially as they don't have much chance to spend their money on little stuff.  They do need to buy presents for sisters' birthdays, but they still usually manage to save up enough to get a new LEGO set every few months or so.  One nice thing about this is that it gives them a really understandable point of comparison.  We can point out that a season of soccer costs as much as buying that really awesome LEGO riding camp set that they long for.  Or that one month's violin lessons cost the same as the LEGO cafe.  Etc.  It helps them understand just how much an activity, or clothes, or whatever cost in comparison to other things.  They can see that a season of soccer, two months, costs the same as clothes for a kid for an entire season.

When they'd get older, we'd like to give them a very large allowance, but have them responsible for paying for a lot of stuff... their clothes, lessons, any special foods, books and toys, whatever.  That way, if they really want those awesome sneakers, they can get them, but then they might have to buy cheaper other clothes, or go without juice, or wait longer to save up for that American Girl doll, whatever.

When my MIL was in high school, she had a teacher who gave this assignment where each kid got a certain amount of money, and they were supposed to use it to outfit their first apartment.  My MIL used almost all of it on buying a really great sound system, and bought just the very basics otherwise (a mattress and sheets/blankets/pillow to sleep on the floor, some kitchen stuff).  The teacher failed her, saying she needed to learn how to prioritize.  My MIL argued that she did know how to prioritize!  She could live without a kitchen table, she'd eat on the floor.  She could live without a couch, she'd sit on her bed.  But she couldn't live without being able to listen to music, and it needed to sound good.  I thought that was pretty hilarious, especially as my MIL has a talented eye for decorating and has a beautiful home.  And a nice sound system.  :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Asharah on October 12, 2013, 10:00:16 PM
One time I wasn't wearing my wedding ring when I visited my mother.  I didn't realize it would be a problem at the time but it caused all sorts of scuttlebutt in the family.

The truth was innocent.  I had been working with a wire brush and my ring finger had been pierced by one of the bristles. This made the ring uncomfortable so I took it off for a few days. 

Unfortunately, those few days coincided with a visit to my mother. She didn't say a word to me about it but the state of our marriage became a major topic of speculation.

Ha! I participate in an exercise class in which wearing any rings would injure me or the people I am sparring with.  A friend's mom saw me walking into class and I stopped to say hello.  She asked where my wedding ring was and I said I took it off for class.  She whispered, "But aren't there MEN in that class?  Won't they get the wrong idea if you don't have on a ring?"

Because apparently, by taking off my wedding ring, I took down my invisible shield of propriety.
Somewhere there is a story posted from a woman who got lectured that she was advertising she wanted to have an affair if she didn't wear her wedding ring. She doesn't wear her wedding ring because it aggravates her eczema.  ::)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Library Dragon on October 15, 2013, 01:56:19 AM
DSs once asked why I always said, "we'll see" instead of giving an immediate answer.  I explained that without all information I'd have to default to 'no'.  It's baggage carried over from my childhood.  I was always promised things (new outfit for choir, an event, etc.) that never materialized. It happened so often I trained myself not to get excited until it actually occurred.  Of course I was criticized for that as well. 

So, as a parent if I said I would do something it would happen. I had to put my foot down with DH over it.  This included driving from Italy to Bilund, Denmark because DH promised that we would take DS1 to Legoland before leaving Europe.  Fortunately we could combine it with a trip to see friends in The Netherlands.

DSs understood why "we'll see" wasn't a no, but a chance to really make a yes if possible.
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: English1 on October 15, 2013, 05:39:14 AM
My parents seem to think I'm an alcoholic and drink drive if not stopped.

I am not an alcoholic. I never drink drive.

What I have done (in the past until I realised what impression they were getting) was let my hair down at a few family parties, had a few drinks and got quite merry, but ONLY when I wasn't driving home. This seems to have translated into their thinking I'm always getting like that.

I find myself being offered a glass of wine only to be given about 1cm of wine topped up with Lemonade and they think I won't notice.

This is because my Dad doesn't drink and my mum's a 'sherry at Christmas' type. *sigh*.

Apart from that they are lovely  :)
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: laud_shy_girl on October 15, 2013, 06:27:48 AM
I get told off for "Showing off and using big words" I get the impression, they think I am some how Superior to them.  ::)

The best bit is the word I got told off for first that I can recall (I was 15) was prerogative. A word I learned when I was 12 from Dr Julian Bashir of Deep space 9.

I love my mum but it does make me feel like the black sheep when you are asked "why can't you talk like normal people. no one else in the family talks like that."


                                       
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 15, 2013, 06:52:16 AM
I was always kind of the Anne Shirley of the family, known for having my head in the clouds most of the time.  And while I wasn't really criticized for it, in looking back on it, some of the family members liked that and some of the more practical-minded family members seemed to have a "she'll grow out of it" mindset to it.

I haven't grown out of it, though. :) In high school a friend told me her mom called me "whimsical" which I took as a high compliment. :D And even more recently I've been called the "oddest of odd ducks", a free spirit and my bf told me I've got my head in the clouds, which she said is a good thing.

Which is why she's my best friend. :D
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: KenveeB on October 15, 2013, 07:16:40 AM
I get told off for "Showing off and using big words" I get the impression, they think I am some how Superior to them.  ::)

The best bit is the word I got told off for first that I can recall (I was 15) was prerogative. A word I learned when I was 12 from Dr Julian Bashir of Deep space 9.

I love my mum but it does make me feel like the black sheep when you are asked "why can't you talk like normal people. no one else in the family talks like that."
                                     

I hear you! My cousin once said she wasn't going to chat with me online anymore because I used too many big words. We'd chatted all of once. I looked back over the chat log and couldn't find any words over two syllables. I still don't know what she was talking about. My brother also always teased me about using big words. I once said it was "sweltering" and he said "why can't you just say hot?" Well, it wasn't hot, it was sweltering. There's a different connotation. We have a lovely and rich language, why not use it?
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: TootsNYC on October 15, 2013, 08:27:11 AM
DSs once asked why I always said, "we'll see" instead of giving an immediate answer.  I explained that without all information I'd have to default to 'no'.  It's baggage carried over from my childhood.  I was always promised things (new outfit for choir, an event, etc.) that never materialized. It happened so often I trained myself not to get excited until it actually occurred.  Of course I was criticized for that as well. 

So, as a parent if I said I would do something it would happen. I had to put my foot down with DH over it.  This included driving from Italy to Bilund, Denmark because DH promised that we would take DS1 to Legoland before leaving Europe.  Fortunately we could combine it with a trip to see friends in The Netherlands.

DSs understood why "we'll see" wasn't a no, but a chance to really make a yes if possible.

I do try to follow up any "we'll see" with an explanation of why it's an iffy thing: "I don't have time to really think about it now"; "we might not have time."
Title: Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
Post by: flickan on October 15, 2013, 08:51:31 AM
One time I wasn't wearing my wedding ring when I visited my mother.  I didn't realize it would be a problem at the time but it caused a