Etiquette Hell

Hostesses With The Mostest => Entertaining and Hospitality => Topic started by: Texas Mom on September 03, 2013, 08:37:27 PM

Title: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Texas Mom on September 03, 2013, 08:37:27 PM
Is there a polite way to communicate this to one's guests?

The hosts will provide a contact number that can be called in the event of an emergency (like in the "old days" before cell phones).

I've been to three events in the last two months where cell phone photographers and social networkers were a major nuisance.

A friend's DD is getting married next summer & asked her group of friends to help her brainstorm the proper way to communicate and enforce the ban.  I'm bringing the issue to the smartest group of etiquette people I know!

 :)
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: katycoo on September 03, 2013, 08:59:28 PM
What, exactly, are you wanting to ban?  Total use of cell phones all night, or people posting photos on social media?
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Shoo on September 03, 2013, 10:31:54 PM
As someone's guest, I would not be happy to be told my cell phone was "banned."  I am an adult and can decide for myself when and where my cell phone shall be used.  If you don't want pictures being taken of the ceremony, that is your prerogative.  I think you can ask your officiant to state that at the beginning of the ceremony.  I think you can also ask that no photos be posted to social media.  But beyond that, no, I don't think you can do it.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Baxter on September 03, 2013, 10:48:04 PM
I think its something that should be asked "face to face" rather than in a note, where the tone and intent will be harder to decipher.  Perhaps the hosts could call people and say "we're trying to make this a social network free zone, do you mind leaving your phone in your purse/pocket?". 

It might be a bit much to ask people to not bring them at all, but if you could just get them to limit the phones to their bags it might be an easier ask.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: FoxPaws on September 04, 2013, 02:39:17 AM
Delusions of grandeur? The only people I have ever heard of banning phones were celebrities who had million dollar contracts with the tabloids for exclusive photos of their events. And I still think that's tacky, entitled behavior.

A host (or their representatives) may certainly ask that phones be turned off during the ceremony, no pictures or video be taken, or that pictures not be posted before the happy couple have a chance to do it themselves, but I'll be darned if I'm going to count on someone being able to find me in the crowd if there's an emergency at home or hunt down whoever has charge of THE phone when I need to check in with the sitter.

Your friend needs a reality check.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: sammycat on September 04, 2013, 05:36:18 AM
Delusions of grandeur? The only people I have ever heard of banning phones were celebrities who had million dollar contracts with the tabloids for exclusive photos of their events. And I still think that's tacky, entitled behavior.

A host (or their representatives) may certainly ask that phones be turned off during the ceremony, no pictures or video be taken, or that pictures not be posted before the happy couple have a chance to do it themselves, but I'll be darned if I'm going to count on someone being able to find me in the crowd if there's an emergency at home or hunt down whoever has charge of THE phone when I need to check in with the sitter.

Your friend needs a reality check.

I agree with all of this.

The host/s can certainly ask that no one takes photos of the bridal couple/main guest, but I retain full rights to take photos of or with other guests present (provided those being photogaphed consent of course).

So if cousin Betty requests no photos of her and her new DH at their wedding, that's fine, but if great aunt Maude and I want a photo together, taken with my phone, we're going to take it.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 04, 2013, 06:26:44 AM
I can't think of an easy way to put it either, especially if there are any guests who might have left small children with a sitter and would need to be reached, or something, and at a wedding it would be hard to track down a host to get your phone.  But I can see how the use of phones for picture taking and using social media would be distracting.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Hmmmmm on September 04, 2013, 06:42:13 AM
Texas Mom, can you provide more detail on what you are suggesting be banned? I don't think you can request guests leave their cell phones at home, but I do think you and try to address specific actions.

I've been to 2 weddings recently where the officiant requested that no photos or videos be taken during the ceremony and requested all cell phones be put away unless an emergency and if one occurs to please exit the sanctuary.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: BigBadBetty on September 04, 2013, 06:58:06 AM
As someone's guest, I would not be happy to be told my cell phone was "banned."  I am an adult and can decide for myself when and where my cell phone shall be used.  If you don't want pictures being taken of the ceremony, that is your prerogative.  I think you can ask your officiant to state that at the beginning of the ceremony.  I think you can also ask that no photos be posted to social media.  But beyond that, no, I don't think you can do it.

I like this. I also don't think you should be able to control whether photos not containing the bride and groom are posted to social media. I get to see relatives that I never normally see at weddings and funerals. I also think the worst way to express your desire is to make a cheesy poem.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: MindsEye on September 04, 2013, 07:07:21 AM
I can sympathize with the desire to ban cell phones.  I was at a wedding this summer, and was saddened to see how many of the guests had their heads down over their cell phones during the ceremony, the dinner, the dancing... and that they seemed more interested in texting, twitter, facebook, and instagram then they were in the event that they were actually at!   :-\  I felt really bad for the bride and groom and their parents.

I am not sure that there is any way you can prevent your guests from paying more attention to their phones then to the wedding, short of getting some jammers to plant around in the ceremony and reception sites.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Venus193 on September 04, 2013, 07:13:46 AM
I can sympathize with the desire to ban cell phones.  I was at a wedding this summer, and was saddened to see how many of the guests had their heads down over their cell phones during the ceremony, the dinner, the dancing... and that they seemed more interested in texting, twitter, facebook, and instagram then they were in the event that they were actually at!   :-\  I felt really bad for the bride and groom and their parents.

I am not sure that there is any way you can prevent your guests from paying more attention to their phones then to the wedding, short of getting some jammers to plant around in the ceremony and reception sites.

I have to say that it really ticks me off to attend a social event only to see people paying more attention to their cell phones than to the other guests.  If you're a doctor or a relative of a seriously ill patient I can see having a cell phone with you, but parents left kids with sitters long before cell phones existed and the world didn't come to an end.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Sharnita on September 04, 2013, 07:40:12 AM
I think that if you expect that of people for the enyire event you need to make it clear in the invite so they are clear on what they have to.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: dawbs on September 04, 2013, 07:51:40 AM
IMO, it would be unspeakably rude to essentially tell guests "we don't trust you to behave like adults so we're going to ban your phone usage".

I can understand the irritation with phones, but, really, requests can be politely made, orders cannot be politely given.

(and there have been times in the last few years where a contact number wouldn't have cut it--I was the contact person for 2 relatives in hospice care, i was the 'emergency contact' for family that was travelling in a relatively risky overseas location, etc--and the important people knew I was reachable 24-7 for these purposes.  Contact everyone and saying "oh, everyone please know that next Saturday between 8 am and 2 pm, you should reach me at this number instead" would have been an hassle of epic proportions. 
People handled these things before cell phones but, honestly, I've currently planned my life around having the phone on and available--I'd have done my planning differently if the phone wasn't available.)


Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: lowspark on September 04, 2013, 08:10:18 AM
Since she is proposing providing a "contact number" then I assume she's going to send this request out in advance? Like in the invitation? Yeah, I think that's not going to work. It's either going to put people off or get totally ignored. I can guarantee there will be people at the ceremony with cell phones regardless of how she puts it.

Texas Mom, can you provide more detail on what you are suggesting be banned? I don't think you can request guests leave their cell phones at home, but I do think you and try to address specific actions.

I've been to 2 weddings recently where the officiant requested that no photos or videos be taken during the ceremony and requested all cell phones be put away unless an emergency and if one occurs to please exit the sanctuary.

This is what your friend needs to do. Just have the officiant make a polite statement before the ceremony begins. Cell phones are ubiquitous and there's simply no going back to the "old days" at this point.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Redsoil on September 04, 2013, 08:56:35 AM
I think it's terribly sad that we simply have to accept the proliferation of smartphone usage, to the exclusion of all else.

My way of thinking is:  if you're at an event, or in a social situation where it would be considered rude to suddenly whip out a book and start reading, then it's ALSO rude to play on your phone.  And you kids get off my lawn!
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: SamiHami on September 04, 2013, 09:07:19 AM
IMO, it would be unspeakably rude to essentially tell guests "we don't trust you to behave like adults so we're going to ban your phone usage".

I can understand the irritation with phones, but, really, requests can be politely made, orders cannot be politely given.

(and there have been times in the last few years where a contact number wouldn't have cut it--I was the contact person for 2 relatives in hospice care, i was the 'emergency contact' for family that was travelling in a relatively risky overseas location, etc--and the important people knew I was reachable 24-7 for these purposes.  Contact everyone and saying "oh, everyone please know that next Saturday between 8 am and 2 pm, you should reach me at this number instead" would have been an hassle of epic proportions. 
People handled these things before cell phones but, honestly, I've currently planned my life around having the phone on and available--I'd have done my planning differently if the phone wasn't available.)

I don't see why it would be a hassle of epic proportion; all you'd need to do is put an outgoing message saying "Dawbs is unavailable until 2 pm. If this is an emergency and you need immediate attention, please call {number of venue}."

Really, I think people place way, way too much importance on their "need" for their cell phones and not enough on real human interactions. No one should have to be told to not use a cell phone at a social event; they should know it to begin with. But, since they don't, I don't see any reason that the word shouldn't be put out that the wedding and reception are a cell-phone free event and that no photos be taken by guests. If one must have a picture of great-aunt Marjorie, then I see no reason why they cannot wait until afterward (or before) to do it. They don't need to take the picture during the actual event. It's just not that difficult.

ETA: I wonder if it is time to update invitations, to include a line at the bottom stating "no cell phones, please?" And while I don't think anyone should police the guests, I could see ushers gently reminding someone if they happen to notice them using a cell phone.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: rose red on September 04, 2013, 09:11:30 AM
I would turn down this invitation.  My elderly mother doesn't speak English so how is she going to communite to the person in charge of the phone who she needs if there is an emergency?  I'm sure others have reasons they need their phone other than "I can't live without it."

As for pictures, even before cell phones, people simply bring a good old fashioned camera to weddings.  If you don't want pictures, I agree to just make an announcement.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: SamiHami on September 04, 2013, 09:14:03 AM
I would think turning down an invitation would be better than going against the hosts' wishes to have a cell phone free event. There's nothing wrong with being unable to attend-but there is something wrong with trying to change the terms of the invitation.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: lowspark on September 04, 2013, 09:17:27 AM
I completely understand (and agree with) the request that cell phones be silenced and put away during the ceremony. But as far as "no picture" taking... I don't get that. People have been taking their own snapshots at weddings since forever. I remember people having their own cameras and shooting photos at my wedding way back in 1980!

I can see requesting "no flash photography" or "please don't post pix on social media" but "don't take any pictures" is going to go over like a lead balloon.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Yvaine on September 04, 2013, 09:33:02 AM
I think it's terribly sad that we simply have to accept the proliferation of smartphone usage, to the exclusion of all else.

My way of thinking is:  if you're at an event, or in a social situation where it would be considered rude to suddenly whip out a book and start reading, then it's ALSO rude to play on your phone.  And you kids get off my lawn!

But it's also their camera, and like lowspark mentions, people have been taking snapshots at weddings (and indeed all sorts of parties) forever. If the hosts want no photography, that's one thing, but it's not rude to take a photo with a phone if it's not rude to take one with a camera, IMO.

That and it's a lifeline for emergencies.

Nobody is saying it's acceptable to sit and play Angry Birds all through somebody's wedding. People are saying there are reasons one might want one's phone other than "playing on it."
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: wolfie on September 04, 2013, 09:50:21 AM
I would not leave my cell phone at home for a request like this. Mostly because I would forget about the request and shove it in my purse as I was leaving the house without thinking about it.

I think the request was ridiculous and I would probably be rolling my eyes at the people for a really long time.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Hmmmmm on September 04, 2013, 09:53:37 AM
I saw this on GMA this morning and thought it might be of interest to those in this discussion.
http://gma.yahoo.com/video/viral-short-film-makes-point-121715197.html (http://gma.yahoo.com/video/viral-short-film-makes-point-121715197.html)
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: auntmeegs on September 04, 2013, 10:01:31 AM
What is their reason for wanting to ban cell phones?  Personally I find it ridiculous no matter what their reason, but I'm just curious. 
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Hillia on September 04, 2013, 10:13:59 AM
What is their reason for wanting to ban cell phones?  Personally I find it ridiculous no matter what their reason, but I'm just curious.

I'm guessing they'd prefer that their guests actually pay attention to the ceremony and socialize with each other at the reception, rather than texting, playing games, checking voicemail, making dinner reservations for the next night, and posting pictures of the wedding/reception to Facebook instead of letting the HC post their own pictures first.  It's sad that adults don't realize that these things are rude, but there it is.  I agree that you can't tell people not to bring cell phones, but I'd be thinking long and hard about whether I wanted to invite people likely to do these things in the first place.  If my celebration means that little to you, you won't miss the invite.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Judah on September 04, 2013, 10:15:58 AM
You can ask people to silence their phones during the ceremony and to not take pictures or video during the ceremony, and you can ask people not to post pictures of the bride and groom on social media sites, but I don't think you can ban cell phones outright. All you can do is expect people to act like adults and be disappointed when they don't. Any mention of banning cell phones before the wedding would come off as chastising and that would be rude.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: dawbs on September 04, 2013, 10:18:02 AM
IMO, it would be unspeakably rude to essentially tell guests "we don't trust you to behave like adults so we're going to ban your phone usage".

I can understand the irritation with phones, but, really, requests can be politely made, orders cannot be politely given.

(and there have been times in the last few years where a contact number wouldn't have cut it--I was the contact person for 2 relatives in hospice care, i was the 'emergency contact' for family that was travelling in a relatively risky overseas location, etc--and the important people knew I was reachable 24-7 for these purposes.  Contact everyone and saying "oh, everyone please know that next Saturday between 8 am and 2 pm, you should reach me at this number instead" would have been an hassle of epic proportions. 
People handled these things before cell phones but, honestly, I've currently planned my life around having the phone on and available--I'd have done my planning differently if the phone wasn't available.)

I don't see why it would be a hassle of epic proportion; all you'd need to do is put an outgoing message saying "Dawbs is unavailable until 2 pm. If this is an emergency and you need immediate attention, please call {number of venue}."

*snip*

Because it's not always that simple.
The person calling from overseas, if it was an emergency, would probably be the individual--for whom English is a second language (we communicate OK, but not through messages)--and figuring out the hassle of international calling from a developing country where one doesn't know the language is going to be nigh impossible when we're working with translating numbers.

And part 2 is that I'm not going to count on a 3rd party individual to be able to tell me whether my grandfather is 'kinda' doing poorly or 'very much' doing poorly.  I'm not going to risk missing a call from my grandmother who found phones difficult on a good day and who had difficulty hearing messages.  I'm not going to risk there being a delay in messages being given to me, a delay in me being able to make a call back or there being a miscommunication within the message.

Like I said, if I lived in a world without cell phones, at the time when things were that hectic, I would have made alternate plans--and I would have (and, as a matter of fact, even with cell phones, did) turn down a lot of invitations.   But the plans have been made assuming cell phone availability; I'm not going to risk not being available, given the circumstances.

And the implication that all cell phones have to be banned because some people will play angrybirds during the ceremony is rather like saying no alcohol should be served at weddings because Uncle Phil has a tendency to get drunk.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Venus193 on September 04, 2013, 10:28:02 AM
Cell phones should definitely be silenced during wedding ceremonies.  A doctor should have his on "vibrate" and sit near an exit in case of emergency.

As for people playing Angry Birds during receptions and such I consider that to be pathetic.  There was a thread a few years ago about someone's child watching movies on a portable DVD player at a reception table that blew my mind.  People are not learning how to socialize properly anymore.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Twik on September 04, 2013, 10:32:54 AM
It's like being Canute and ordering the waves not to come in. It's just not going to work.

The people who are addicted to phones are going to either bring them anyway, or not come at all. People without phone cameras will bring digitals, and post pictures of the couple on FB before the couple leaves the reception themselves. People will be apologizing to the couple all night long about "forgetting," but still using the thing.

If your nearest and dearest are going to play Angry Birds during the father and daughter dance, that's what you live with if you're stuck with those types of nearest and dearest. If they're not *quite* so near or dear, I'd consider leaving them off the guest list if they can't be relied upon to behave civilly.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Yvaine on September 04, 2013, 10:33:57 AM
As for people playing Angry Birds during receptions and such I consider that to be pathetic. 

I actually brought up Angry Birds as a silly and hyperbolic example of behavior I was pretty sure we could all agree was bad. It wasn't an actual example of something I've seen people do in real life. I mean, I'm sure it happens occasionally, but my point was that there are legitimate reasons to have a phone on hand that aren't game playing (like using it to take snapshots, which IMO is okay as long as the hosts haven't requested no photos. If the hosts do request no photos, that is of course different).
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: auntmeegs on September 04, 2013, 10:40:56 AM
What is their reason for wanting to ban cell phones?  Personally I find it ridiculous no matter what their reason, but I'm just curious.

I'm guessing they'd prefer that their guests actually pay attention to the ceremony and socialize with each other at the reception, rather than texting, playing games, checking voicemail, making dinner reservations for the next night, and posting pictures of the wedding/reception to Facebook instead of letting the HC post their own pictures first.  It's sad that adults don't realize that these things are rude, but there it is.  I agree that you can't tell people not to bring cell phones, but I'd be thinking long and hard about whether I wanted to invite people likely to do these things in the first place.  If my celebration means that little to you, you won't miss the invite.

Right, I agree that these are all potential reasons, but I am curious to know this coupleís reason.  Because if its that they donít want pictures of themselves and the wedding party put on Facebook, they could make some kind of announcement to that effect and I donít think that would be rude at all.  Telling your guests flat out that they cannot bring their cell phones is, however, very rude. 
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Texas Mom on September 04, 2013, 11:06:27 AM
The quotes below pretty much sum up the reasons the MOB is entertaining a phone ban:

I can sympathize with the desire to ban cell phones.  I was at a wedding this summer, and was saddened to see how many of the guests had their heads down over their cell phones during the ceremony, the dinner, the dancing... and that they seemed more interested in texting, twitter, facebook, and instagram then they were in the event that they were actually at!   :-\  I felt really bad for the bride and groom and their parents.


I have to say that it really ticks me off to attend a social event only to see people paying more attention to their cell phones than to the other guests.  If you're a doctor or a relative of a seriously ill patient I can see having a cell phone with you, but parents left kids with sitters long before cell phones existed and the world didn't come to an end.


Really, I think people place way, way too much importance on their "need" for their cell phones and not enough on real human interactions. No one should have to be told to not use a cell phone at a social event; they should know it to begin with. But, since they don't, I don't see any reason that the word shouldn't be put out that the wedding and reception are a cell-phone free event and that no photos be taken by guests. If one must have a picture of great-aunt Marjorie, then I see no reason why they cannot wait until afterward (or before) to do it. They don't need to take the picture during the actual event. It's just not that difficult.

She doesn't belong to this forum but wants to read everyone's comments when she comes over next time.

Thanks for the input - keep it coming!
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: auntmeegs on September 04, 2013, 11:20:08 AM
The quotes below pretty much sum up the reasons the MOB is entertaining a phone ban:

I can sympathize with the desire to ban cell phones.  I was at a wedding this summer, and was saddened to see how many of the guests had their heads down over their cell phones during the ceremony, the dinner, the dancing... and that they seemed more interested in texting, twitter, facebook, and instagram then they were in the event that they were actually at!   :-\  I felt really bad for the bride and groom and their parents.


I have to say that it really ticks me off to attend a social event only to see people paying more attention to their cell phones than to the other guests.  If you're a doctor or a relative of a seriously ill patient I can see having a cell phone with you, but parents left kids with sitters long before cell phones existed and the world didn't come to an end.


Really, I think people place way, way too much importance on their "need" for their cell phones and not enough on real human interactions. No one should have to be told to not use a cell phone at a social event; they should know it to begin with. But, since they don't, I don't see any reason that the word shouldn't be put out that the wedding and reception are a cell-phone free event and that no photos be taken by guests. If one must have a picture of great-aunt Marjorie, then I see no reason why they cannot wait until afterward (or before) to do it. They don't need to take the picture during the actual event. It's just not that difficult.

She doesn't belong to this forum but wants to read everyone's comments when she comes over next time.

Thanks for the input - keep it coming!

Though I agree with them that its sad these things happen and would not want them to happen at my wedding, IMO you still cannot tell guests that they can't have their cell phones.  It's just not appropriate. 
I also definitely don't think you can tell people they are not allowed to take any picturest at all. You can ask that they don't take any pictures of the happy couple or wedding party, but that's really about it.  For example if someone said I could not take a picture of me and my DH, I would probably laugh at them.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: CakeBeret on September 04, 2013, 11:21:05 AM
I can absolutely understand the desire to ban cell phones at your wedding. Nobody wants to hear badly-rendered Bohemian Rhapsody interrupting the most important moments of their life. Nobody wants to look out at their friends and family who have been invited to share in their special moment and see 25% of them paying more attention to their phone than the ceremony.

But, in practice it's rude. It's saying "I don't trust you to behave civilly so I'm going to impose rules on you as if you were a child."

You can ask the officiant to give a polite reminder to silence cell phones and refrain from taking photos. You could even put a sign in the entryway asking people to please make sure their phones are silenced. Some people (cough, my husband, cough) will NEVER remember to silence their phones unless someone reminds them.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: MindsEye on September 04, 2013, 11:31:35 AM
An option, of course, is to have the ceremony/reception someplace that gets no reception. 

While that won't prevent people from playing angry birds or taking photos with their phones, it will put a stop to texting, twittering, facebooking and anything else that requires a signal. 

Many parks and rural areas don't have very good cellular coverage. 
And a lot of older churches (maybe because of the thick stone walls?) are dead zones as well.

Just a thought...
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Kaypeep on September 04, 2013, 11:45:48 AM
I don't think you can ban phones, but I think that you can ask that they not use them to take photos.  Here's a great blog that explains how guests can ruin the photos at weddings.  I'd be fine with setting up opportunities later for then to take photos, but request they leave the ceremony and special moments  like parent/couple dances to the (paid) professionals.

http://coreyann.com/blog/corey-talks/corey-talks-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding

As for the MOB who feels the phone zombies will pay more attention to their phones than to the event, well, that can't really be helped.  Some people will want the phone to share their own pics of their kids or whatever, so they will likely pull them out to show other guests things.  I'd try not to focus on the phone users and instead pay more attention to the guests who are fully engaged in the day.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: QueenfaninCA on September 04, 2013, 11:55:48 AM
The quotes below pretty much sum up the reasons the MOB is entertaining a phone ban:
Really, I think people place way, way too much importance on their "need" for their cell phones and not enough on real human interactions. No one should have to be told to not use a cell phone at a social event; they should know it to begin with. But, since they don't, I don't see any reason that the word shouldn't be put out that the wedding and reception are a cell-phone free event and that no photos be taken by guests. If one must have a picture of great-aunt Marjorie, then I see no reason why they cannot wait until afterward (or before) to do it. They don't need to take the picture during the actual event. It's just not that difficult.

I think expecting no pictures are taken even during the reception is deluded. If you ban cell phones, people will bring regular cameras.

It's totally fine to ask no pictures being taken during the ceremony (we had it in the program and the clergy-person announced it at the beginning of the service to please only take pictures during the processional, the recessional and right after we exchange rings. Yes, we paid a professional photographer to pretty much just hang out during a two hour catholic bridal mass.

But I really think you can't expect people to not take any pictures during the reception. People took pictures during weddings well before the advent of cell phones. And they might want to have some pictures even of the bride and groom to remember the event. Or will the bride and groom give pictures of themselves from the wedding to all wedding guests?

When my cousin got married my husband (then fiance) snapped a picture of myself with the bride and groom. Only people who have seen my photo album (pre-digital) have seen the picture, but it is a great way for me to remember the event.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Zizi-K on September 04, 2013, 01:04:24 PM
I completely understand (and agree with) the request that cell phones be silenced and put away during the ceremony. But as far as "no picture" taking... I don't get that. People have been taking their own snapshots at weddings since forever. I remember people having their own cameras and shooting photos at my wedding way back in 1980!

I can see requesting "no flash photography" or "please don't post pix on social media" but "don't take any pictures" is going to go over like a lead balloon.

I used to agree with you, until I saw this (covers both smartphones and "guest" photographers):
http://coreyann.com/blog/corey-talks/corey-talks-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Judah on September 04, 2013, 01:54:02 PM
I completely understand (and agree with) the request that cell phones be silenced and put away during the ceremony. But as far as "no picture" taking... I don't get that. People have been taking their own snapshots at weddings since forever. I remember people having their own cameras and shooting photos at my wedding way back in 1980!

I can see requesting "no flash photography" or "please don't post pix on social media" but "don't take any pictures" is going to go over like a lead balloon.

I used to agree with you, until I saw this (covers both smartphones and "guest" photographers):
http://coreyann.com/blog/corey-talks/corey-talks-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding

Nothing in that blog post contradicts what lowspark said. Getting in the way of the photographer would be rude, and posting pictures on Facebook when you've been asked not to would be rude, but taking snapshots for yourself or to share with the happy couple later should not be a problem.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 04, 2013, 03:32:06 PM
I understand the desire to not have interruptions or distractions, however the ban would have me declining the invitation. A request to silence all electronic devices and to step out in case of an emergency before the ceremony starts is much preferred.

I would have to say I see far more people checking in on the professional sports game on their phones during weddings and other ceremonies than playing a game or checking social media. I consider both rude.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Shoo on September 04, 2013, 03:35:38 PM
I completely understand (and agree with) the request that cell phones be silenced and put away during the ceremony. But as far as "no picture" taking... I don't get that. People have been taking their own snapshots at weddings since forever. I remember people having their own cameras and shooting photos at my wedding way back in 1980!

I can see requesting "no flash photography" or "please don't post pix on social media" but "don't take any pictures" is going to go over like a lead balloon.

I used to agree with you, until I saw this (covers both smartphones and "guest" photographers):
http://coreyann.com/blog/corey-talks/corey-talks-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding

Something about this really bugs me.  I think it's the idea that not only can the B&G request your presence at their marriage ceremony, they can also tell you how you should be "taking it in."  You need to give them your undivided, focused attention.  Really get in the moment with them.  Because, you know, you can't just sit there and watch passively.  You have to really get into it. 

That makes me go blech.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: sweetonsno on September 04, 2013, 03:54:26 PM
I completely understand (and agree with) the request that cell phones be silenced and put away during the ceremony. But as far as "no picture" taking... I don't get that. People have been taking their own snapshots at weddings since forever. I remember people having their own cameras and shooting photos at my wedding way back in 1980!

I can see requesting "no flash photography" or "please don't post pix on social media" but "don't take any pictures" is going to go over like a lead balloon.

I used to agree with you, until I saw this (covers both smartphones and "guest" photographers):
http://coreyann.com/blog/corey-talks/corey-talks-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding

Something about this really bugs me. I think it's the idea that not only can the B&G request your presence at their marriage ceremony, they can also tell you how you should be "taking it in."  You need to give them your undivided, focused attention.  Really get in the moment with them.  Because, you know, you can't just sit there and watch passively.  You have to really get into it. 

That makes me go blech.

I totally agree with this. It seems very self-centered. I can totally get behind asking people to refrain from behaviors that will distract other guests (and the hosts). No flash photography? Sure. Stay in your seat? Yes. Silence your device? Yup. Don't bring anything that might distract YOU from being fully engaged 100% of the time? Nope. Yes, a marriage is a major life event and is likely the biggest, most important thing to happen to the HC in that year. However, it's unreasonable to expect your guests to consider it that important themselves.

If I saw this sort of sentiment expressed on an invitation, I would wonder whether I'd be scolded for discussing anything other than the HC or wedding during the reception. Would I be allowed to catch up with mutual friends? Or would that constitute "not being present and taking it in"?
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 04, 2013, 03:58:06 PM
If a couple feels that strongly about having no electronics at their wedding, I think they should elope or have a very intimate ceremony.

OP, why does the Mother of the Bride feel this is her decision?
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Hillia on September 04, 2013, 04:05:01 PM
I completely understand (and agree with) the request that cell phones be silenced and put away during the ceremony. But as far as "no picture" taking... I don't get that. People have been taking their own snapshots at weddings since forever. I remember people having their own cameras and shooting photos at my wedding way back in 1980!

I can see requesting "no flash photography" or "please don't post pix on social media" but "don't take any pictures" is going to go over like a lead balloon.

I used to agree with you, until I saw this (covers both smartphones and "guest" photographers):
http://coreyann.com/blog/corey-talks/corey-talks-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding

Something about this really bugs me. I think it's the idea that not only can the B&G request your presence at their marriage ceremony, they can also tell you how you should be "taking it in."  You need to give them your undivided, focused attention.  Really get in the moment with them.  Because, you know, you can't just sit there and watch passively.  You have to really get into it. 

That makes me go blech.

I totally agree with this. It seems very self-centered. I can totally get behind asking people to refrain from behaviors that will distract other guests (and the hosts). No flash photography? Sure. Stay in your seat? Yes. Silence your device? Yup. Don't bring anything that might distract YOU from being fully engaged 100% of the time? Nope. Yes, a marriage is a major life event and is likely the biggest, most important thing to happen to the HC in that year. However, it's unreasonable to expect your guests to consider it that important themselves.

If I saw this sort of sentiment expressed on an invitation, I would wonder whether I'd be scolded for discussing anything other than the HC or wedding during the reception. Would I be allowed to catch up with mutual friends? Or would that constitute "not being present and taking it in"?

OTOH, if I invite you to a major, life changing event, which I have spent considerable time, effort, and money planning, I don't think it's too much to ask the guests to at least pretend they care about what's going on.  No, I don't expect guests to care as  much as I do, or to achieve some higher level of consciousness, but if you'd just as soon surf the net or text, you can do that at Starbucks and save us both the annoyance.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Venus193 on September 04, 2013, 04:18:30 PM


OTOH, if I invite you to a major, life changing event, which I have spent considerable time, effort, and money planning, I don't think it's too much to ask the guests to at least pretend they care about what's going on.  No, I don't expect guests to care as  much as I do, or to achieve some higher level of consciousness, but if you'd just as soon surf the net or text, you can do that at Starbucks and save us both the annoyance.

I agree.   I was horrified at the comments I saw on an Australian news site about the weddings that carefully avoided football season only to end up on a replay date because the finale game ended in a tie.  Some of those basically were telling the bride that only she cared about her own wedding.

People can surf the net or do Facebook anytime.  I don't think it's too much to ask them to refrain from doing so for the few hours it takes for a wedding and reception.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: CocoCamm on September 04, 2013, 04:19:33 PM
I think the idea of no cell phones is unrealistic and a little egotistical.

People need their phones for a variety of reasons, asking for them to be left home is unrealistic. I know years ago people didn't have cell phones but that was years ago. Things have changed. A perfect example is that pay phones no longer exist in abundance they way they used to. So if any guest needed to make a call they would have to relay on borrowing a phone from the reception hall. Not really practical if you have a bunch of people who need to check in with the baby sitter or call a cab, etc.

I think its egotistical because your basically saying "I want all your attention on ME! ALL NIGHT! NO DISTRACTIONS! JUST MEEEEEEE!!!"

Now of course I think it's rude if a guest were to spend the night with their head buried in their phone. At the same time I highly doubt the happy couple would even notice. I got married about 4.5 years ago. I couldn't tell who if anyone was on their phone.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: EMuir on September 04, 2013, 05:32:24 PM
I am not leaving my $500 smartphone with anyone at a coat check, just like I would not leave my wallet at a coat check.

The blog by that photographer was interesting, but I think she's out of luck if she wants perfection at any photo shoot.  The happy couples should expect that she will do the best she can, and she needs to be assertive enough to say "I'm the official photographer, please excuse me" and TAKE the best position for the shot. I understand people can leap up in front, but that might best be solved by thanking the photographer BEFORE the wedding and pointing her out, maybe asking people to kindly give her priority.  That's what a friend did at her wedding and it worked just fine.

The wedding reception should definitely be a time for most people to put down the smartphones, but frankly I can easily play a game and listen to the ceremony, and in fact will be more attentive to what's going on than if I'm forced to stare at the bride and groom.  The perception is that the phone is the only thing a person can pay attention to, so it seems rude, but it really isn't.  Still, due to perception, no phones (or paperback books) during the ceremony is just common courtesy.

At the dinner/reception/dance?  Not everyone invited to a wedding is an extrovert.  Maybe you get seated beside people you don't particularly like.  Maybe you need a quick break from socializing so you check email.  At such events I'd probably beg off very early or not attend the after-ceremony part at all, but due to being able to retreat to the smartphone for a breather, I can make it through the evening and socialize a little bit with everyone, in short bursts.

Not to mention that texting would be preferable to talking during the dance, when music is so loud.  At a friend's wedding 20 years ago, a bunch of us wanted to talk but the music was too loud, so we found an area just outside the hall to sit and visit.  The groom came out and visited with us for a bit too.  I suppose we could have sat inside the hall and just nodded to one another all night, since none of us enjoyed dancing.  If we'd had smartphones, we could have all texted to each other in the hall, allowing us to stay in there.




Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Allyson on September 04, 2013, 09:30:42 PM

At the dinner/reception/dance?  Not everyone invited to a wedding is an extrovert.  Maybe you get seated beside people you don't particularly like.  Maybe you need a quick break from socializing so you check email.  At such events I'd probably beg off very early or not attend the after-ceremony part at all, but due to being able to retreat to the smartphone for a breather, I can make it through the evening and socialize a little bit with everyone, in short bursts.


Absolutely this. I think for the ceremony, it's not unreasonable to say 'please turn off your phones'. But I don't really see the problem with someone having a phone on them during the rest of it. I realize some people really loathe this sort of thing, so it's YMMV, but...if someone's sat at a table with people they barely know, or in some other awkward circumstance, I don't see why it's disrespectful for them to go on their phone. At that point in the night, they aren't being expected to participate/watch fully like they were with the ceremony, and it beats staring blankly into space, I think.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: WillyNilly on September 04, 2013, 10:02:01 PM
The last wedding I went to, just about 2 months ago, my DH was feeling a bit ill. Not sick enough to not attend, but enough that twice during the reception (with loud music and colored lights supplied by the DJ, etc) he stepped out of the room to the hallway, just to take a bit of a break for 10 minutes. Having his smartphone with him let him sit in relative silence for a while and just read his email/Facebook/play Words with Friends. And me having mine, I was able to send him a quick text when the next course was served, or speeches starting so he could slip back in with out me having to go find him.

At that same wedding a friend took a photo of the bride with another friend on a cell phone, which I photo-bombed and ended up making for a hilarious picture. Its never been distributed, it just lives on the person's phone, although its been shown around among friends and really the casual nature of a quick cell photo made the moment possible.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: shhh its me on September 04, 2013, 10:17:35 PM
   Ive heard "there is a photographer please let them work , don't stand in the aisle and no flash photography." but that normally included a polite version "there will be chance for you to take some picture just let us tell you when." 

implying people should turn off their phones for the entire evening though seems a bit much asking people to leave them at home is a bit ridiculous.   Phones aren't just phones anymore , they're watches , flashlights , cameras , computers , encyclopedias, photo albums , address-books , weather alerts ,  GPS maps and directions , home/child monitoring/alarm systems ,  alarm clocks and phones.  People brought cameras to wedding before cell phones and their were pay phones everywhere so people used to step out to check on their kids or call their SOs or check in at work ect.  People showed off pictures from their wallets and exchanged addresses. I'm sure at some point someone jotted down a favorite recipe or directions to the airport on napkins. I've seen people do bar tricks with toothpicks and glasses and coins. People are doing what they always did its just many people are using the exact same thing to to 100 different things. 

I will say if you need a break from socializing and want use your phone , you should do it at an empty table, off to the side or in the "lobby" of the reception area.  Don't put up the "do not interact with me" wall and force people to either sit silently with you or leave the table. I think there is an obligation to be available to interact with your table-mates. I'm not saying "excuse me I;m just going to check on the kids/email/get better directions home"  or finding a photo to share with the table ect.and using your phone for a minute or two is rude but tuning out to play a game or having a text long text conversation while ignoring the people your sitting with I think is rude. IF you going to be on the phone more the a minute or two move away.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Yvaine on September 04, 2013, 10:37:58 PM
Phones aren't just phones anymore , they're watches , flashlights , cameras , computers , encyclopedias, photo albums , address-books , weather alerts ,  GPS maps and directions , home/child monitoring/alarm systems ,  alarm clocks and phones.  People brought cameras to wedding before cell phones and their were pay phones everywhere so people used to step out to check on their kids or call their SOs or check in at work ect.  People showed off pictures from their wallets and exchanged addresses. I'm sure at some point someone jotted down a favorite recipe or directions to the airport on napkins. I've seen people do bar tricks with toothpicks and glasses and coins. People are doing what they always did its just many people are using the exact same thing to to 100 different things. 

This.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: rose red on September 05, 2013, 08:00:24 AM
That's a good point about pay phones during the pre-cell phone days.  People were never really out of touch with their family/babysitters since they can check in on them every hour or so.  Ban cell phones nowadays they they would be cut off.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Venus193 on September 05, 2013, 08:14:53 AM
I don't think parents called babysitters from pay phones like they call from cell phones.  It would have been much harder to be a helicopter parent.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: rose red on September 05, 2013, 08:52:39 AM
I don't think parents called babysitters from pay phones like they call from cell phones.  It would have been much harder to be a helicopter parent.

Maybe they didn't, but they could, even if just calling once.  And there were always at least one nervous nellie parent in the group throughout history ;).
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Shoo on September 05, 2013, 09:13:38 AM
I completely understand (and agree with) the request that cell phones be silenced and put away during the ceremony. But as far as "no picture" taking... I don't get that. People have been taking their own snapshots at weddings since forever. I remember people having their own cameras and shooting photos at my wedding way back in 1980!

I can see requesting "no flash photography" or "please don't post pix on social media" but "don't take any pictures" is going to go over like a lead balloon.

I used to agree with you, until I saw this (covers both smartphones and "guest" photographers):
http://coreyann.com/blog/corey-talks/corey-talks-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding

Something about this really bugs me. I think it's the idea that not only can the B&G request your presence at their marriage ceremony, they can also tell you how you should be "taking it in."  You need to give them your undivided, focused attention.  Really get in the moment with them.  Because, you know, you can't just sit there and watch passively.  You have to really get into it. 

That makes me go blech.

I totally agree with this. It seems very self-centered. I can totally get behind asking people to refrain from behaviors that will distract other guests (and the hosts). No flash photography? Sure. Stay in your seat? Yes. Silence your device? Yup. Don't bring anything that might distract YOU from being fully engaged 100% of the time? Nope. Yes, a marriage is a major life event and is likely the biggest, most important thing to happen to the HC in that year. However, it's unreasonable to expect your guests to consider it that important themselves.

If I saw this sort of sentiment expressed on an invitation, I would wonder whether I'd be scolded for discussing anything other than the HC or wedding during the reception. Would I be allowed to catch up with mutual friends? Or would that constitute "not being present and taking it in"?

OTOH, if I invite you to a major, life changing event, which I have spent considerable time, effort, and money planning, I don't think it's too much to ask the guests to at least pretend they care about what's going on.  No, I don't expect guests to care as  much as I do, or to achieve some higher level of consciousness, but if you'd just as soon surf the net or text, you can do that at Starbucks and save us both the annoyance.

Yes, but I am an adult and I can figure this out for myself.  If you have people in your life who you feel like you need to tell this to, then perhaps those people should not be invited to your wedding.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: wolfie on September 05, 2013, 09:17:02 AM
I completely understand (and agree with) the request that cell phones be silenced and put away during the ceremony. But as far as "no picture" taking... I don't get that. People have been taking their own snapshots at weddings since forever. I remember people having their own cameras and shooting photos at my wedding way back in 1980!

I can see requesting "no flash photography" or "please don't post pix on social media" but "don't take any pictures" is going to go over like a lead balloon.

I used to agree with you, until I saw this (covers both smartphones and "guest" photographers):
http://coreyann.com/blog/corey-talks/corey-talks-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding

Something about this really bugs me. I think it's the idea that not only can the B&G request your presence at their marriage ceremony, they can also tell you how you should be "taking it in."  You need to give them your undivided, focused attention.  Really get in the moment with them.  Because, you know, you can't just sit there and watch passively.  You have to really get into it. 

That makes me go blech.

I totally agree with this. It seems very self-centered. I can totally get behind asking people to refrain from behaviors that will distract other guests (and the hosts). No flash photography? Sure. Stay in your seat? Yes. Silence your device? Yup. Don't bring anything that might distract YOU from being fully engaged 100% of the time? Nope. Yes, a marriage is a major life event and is likely the biggest, most important thing to happen to the HC in that year. However, it's unreasonable to expect your guests to consider it that important themselves.

If I saw this sort of sentiment expressed on an invitation, I would wonder whether I'd be scolded for discussing anything other than the HC or wedding during the reception. Would I be allowed to catch up with mutual friends? Or would that constitute "not being present and taking it in"?

OTOH, if I invite you to a major, life changing event, which I have spent considerable time, effort, and money planning, I don't think it's too much to ask the guests to at least pretend they care about what's going on.  No, I don't expect guests to care as  much as I do, or to achieve some higher level of consciousness, but if you'd just as soon surf the net or text, you can do that at Starbucks and save us both the annoyance.

Yes, but I am an adult and I can figure this out for myself.  If you have people in your life who you feel like you need to tell this to, then perhaps those people should not be invited to your wedding.

Or maybe you should talk to them directly instead of throwing out a directive and hoping the ones it applies to will realize that it means them. That usually doesn't work to well - you insult the people who know better and the people who don't assume it doesn't apply to them.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: dawbs on September 05, 2013, 09:26:59 AM
I don't think parents called babysitters from pay phones like they call from cell phones.  It would have been much harder to be a helicopter parent.

Back in the day, when I was babysitting, I usually got one phone call per night from the parents for a dinner date, maybe 2 if it was a LATE date.
Now, in the days of cell phones, I don't call the person who is watching my child during my date night--I, every hour or so, check to see if there are messages or missed calls (because sometimes phones don't ring) and I have the phone on vibrate and I rest assured that the person watching my child knows how to get ahold of me if they need to.

In many ways, cell phones let people helicopter *less*.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 05, 2013, 09:30:12 AM
I would agree with dawbs. Also, if my child is with someone and they need to reach me, I would much prefer they text or call instead of waiting for me to call.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Pen^2 on September 05, 2013, 10:24:47 AM
When I was at school, my sister was, for a brief time, very gravely ill. As in, for a few days there, I didn't know if I'd ever see her again. Our school (like most) had a no-phones policy for students. I asked the appropriate staff member if I could have my phone on my person, on silent, so that if there was an emergency involving my sister, I could ask to be excused to the toilet and be able to respond properly to what might be the last moments of a dying girl. The staff member told me that I'd just have to wait until I got home each day to find out if my sister was still alive or not.

And so I broke a school rule for the first and only time. I kept my phone, on vibrate (this was before vibrate was audible), inside my school blazer pocket in a position that didn't bulge or show. I'd check it in the bathroom between classes only, so it didn't distract me during lessons, and no harm was done.

If I was in the same position at a wedding, I would still keep my phone on me. There are people with children with medical conditions who have very legitimate reasons to want to be able to be immediately contacted if an emergency arises. Or whatever other reasonable things that might be going on. Phones are wonderful: they let us go out and celebrate a wedding when otherwise we'd be unable to attend. To take that away would mean fewer people can attend.

You can't exactly quiz each person on whether or not they have a good enough reason to have their phone with them. It'd be ridiculous, and what is reasonable to one person isn't to another anyway. It might not seem possible to one person for someone to be using their phone and enjoying the ceremony, but to another, not having the phone there would make it impossible to enjoy. Some people are just going to have their phones on them and that's all there is to it. I think a general, "Please turn off your phones for the ceremony, and no flash photography--there'll be a time for that later," works fine.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Hillia on September 05, 2013, 10:54:36 AM
I get that yes, there are circumstances that require people to have their phones available at all times.  I just think it's sad that there are a few who can't be disconnected from text, IM, games, websurfing, email for a few hours at what is an important event in the lives of someone who is supposedly important to them.  If I looked out and saw someone's head bent over their phone during the ceremony, I would be seriously reconsidering my friendship.  I'm not crazy about phones at the reception...but at the ceremony there is honestly no excuse at all (barring real emergencies, which would also involve a speedy and quiet exit).
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: rose red on September 05, 2013, 12:58:01 PM
But why assume the worst before anything has happened?  I know my friends' phone and other personality habits and if I have a concern, I would talk to them directly.  A general mass message is insulting
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Pen^2 on September 05, 2013, 01:12:18 PM
But why assume the worst before anything has happened?  I know my friends' phone and other personality habits and if I have a concern, I would talk to them directly.  A general mass message is insulting

This is the crux of it, I feel. There isn't anything wrong with someone having a phone in their pocket on silent. But if someone actually needs to be told that loudly playing snake and obviously checking Facebook statuses during the ceremony is rude, then even without the phone, they'll find something else distracting to do. I just would avoid inviting such people.

The people who need to be told this are going to be trouble anyway. But the people who don't need to be told (i.e. most) are going to be treated rather poorly just by being asked (just as being told, "Please don't snore during the ceremony," is rather unkind). Seriously, just a general, acceptable, "phones turned off, please" like at the cinema--framed as a reminder in case anyone forgot to turn it off, instead of a, "We don't trust you and we think you're going to be rude at our wedding."
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Dorrie78 on September 05, 2013, 01:20:52 PM
I get that yes, there are circumstances that require people to have their phones available at all times.  I just think it's sad that there are a few who can't be disconnected from text, IM, games, websurfing, email for a few hours at what is an important event in the lives of someone who is supposedly important to them.  If I looked out and saw someone's head bent over their phone during the ceremony, I would be seriously reconsidering my friendship.  I'm not crazy about phones at the reception...but at the ceremony there is honestly no excuse at all (barring real emergencies, which would also involve a speedy and quiet exit).
But the bride wants to ban people even bringing phones with them to the wedding. I don't carry mine because I can't be disconnected from texting and email, but because I always carry it with me. If I'm leaving my house, I'm carrying my phone. Cars break down, I get lost and need the GPS, I may be coordinating meeting someone somewhere. And when I get to where I'm going, I'm not going to leave my expensive smart phone in my car. I'm carrying it with me. In any case, how is she going to enforce this ban? Searching bags?

I think this ban is extremely unreasonable and as someone else said earlier, rude people who play cell phone games during a wedding will find another way to not pay attention if they don't have a cell phone.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Zizi-K on September 05, 2013, 01:29:45 PM
I completely understand (and agree with) the request that cell phones be silenced and put away during the ceremony. But as far as "no picture" taking... I don't get that. People have been taking their own snapshots at weddings since forever. I remember people having their own cameras and shooting photos at my wedding way back in 1980!

I can see requesting "no flash photography" or "please don't post pix on social media" but "don't take any pictures" is going to go over like a lead balloon.


I used to agree with you, until I saw this (covers both smartphones and "guest" photographers):
http://coreyann.com/blog/corey-talks/corey-talks-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding

Nothing in that blog post contradicts what lowspark said. Getting in the way of the photographer would be rude, and posting pictures on Facebook when you've been asked not to would be rude, but taking snapshots for yourself or to share with the happy couple later should not be a problem.

Well, I don't know if you looked all the way through, but it was a whole collection of photos that were ruined not only by people getting in the way of the photographer to take their own shots, and ruined by an obvious smartphone in the photo, but also photos that were ruined by another person's flash (whether from smartphone or camera). The first kiss happens in an instant. If people are taking photos with their phones or their point-and-shoots, there's a good chance the shot could be ruined for the photographer who was actually hired by the B+G to photograph the day. I'm not against photography in the course of the evening, but I think it's good form to just pay attention to the ceremony and the major moments (cutting the cake, etc) without feeling the need to snap away. The happy couple doesn't need hundreds of candid pics - they've spent thousands on a professional photographer!
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: *inviteseller on September 05, 2013, 01:58:54 PM
I am sick of cell phones TBH.  If you (general) can't go to an event without whipping out your phone to check/update your FB status or text someone or play the next level of candy crush, then stay home.  If you want pictures of yourself and relatives, take your own camera.  I have kids so I understand the need to check in with the babysitter, but you can provide the name and number of the location you are at, just like our parents did (you kids get off my lawn too!!).  I am personally sick and tired of going to events and only seeing the tops of peoples heads because they are hunched over their phones..adults and kids alike.  My older DD is not even allowed to have her phone on her if we are out at dinner or an event.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: wolfie on September 05, 2013, 02:05:29 PM
Am I the only person who has gone to events and not seen people hunched over their phones? I went to a wedding last month and I don't remember anyone using their phones at all.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Yvaine on September 05, 2013, 02:13:37 PM
If you want pictures of yourself and relatives, take your own camera. 

So people need to buy a whole separate camera if they've been only using their phone for this purpose for years?
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 05, 2013, 02:18:14 PM
I get that yes, there are circumstances that require people to have their phones available at all times.  I just think it's sad that there are a few who can't be disconnected from text, IM, games, websurfing, email for a few hours at what is an important event in the lives of someone who is supposedly important to them.  If I looked out and saw someone's head bent over their phone during the ceremony, I would be seriously reconsidering my friendship.  I'm not crazy about phones at the reception...but at the ceremony there is honestly no excuse at all (barring real emergencies, which would also involve a speedy and quiet exit).
But the bride wants to ban people even bringing phones with them to the wedding. I don't carry mine because I can't be disconnected from texting and email, but because I always carry it with me. If I'm leaving my house, I'm carrying my phone. Cars break down, I get lost and need the GPS, I may be coordinating meeting someone somewhere. And when I get to where I'm going, I'm not going to leave my expensive smart phone in my car. I'm carrying it with me. In any case, how is she going to enforce this ban? Searching bags?

I think this ban is extremely unreasonable and as someone else said earlier, rude people who play cell phone games during a wedding will find another way to not pay attention if they don't have a cell phone.

The OP mentioned it is the mother of the bride who wants this. We do not know what the happy couple themselves want.

No, I have not noticed people occupied with their phones during most ceremonies I have attended in the last few years.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: rose red on September 05, 2013, 02:20:11 PM
Am I the only person who has gone to events and not seen people hunched over their phones? I went to a wedding last month and I don't remember anyone using their phones at all.

Nope, not just you.  Oh, sure I've seen people glance at their phones or go outside to use it, but I've only seen "hunched over, ignoring the real world" on TV shows, and only heard of this phenomenon on the internet.  I don't think the world is as rude as we think.  It's just we hear (and notice!) more about the bad stuff because it jumps out at us since it's not the norm (at least in my experience in life).
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: hobish on September 05, 2013, 02:28:07 PM
Am I the only person who has gone to events and not seen people hunched over their phones? I went to a wedding last month and I don't remember anyone using their phones at all.

No, you aren't alone. I was at a wedding a month ago where they didn't hire a photographer and instead had a site to upload photos to - the intent was for people to take pics with their digital cameras, usually a smart phone -  and there still weren't people hunched over their phones all night.

Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Sharnita on September 05, 2013, 02:34:03 PM
I am sick of cell phones TBH.  If you (general) can't go to an event without whipping out your phone to check/update your FB status or text someone or play the next level of candy crush, then stay home.  If you want pictures of yourself and relatives, take your own camera.  I have kids so I understand the need to check in with the babysitter, but you can provide the name and number of the location you are at, just like our parents did (you kids get off my lawn too!!).  I am personally sick and tired of going to events and only seeing the tops of peoples heads because they are hunched over their phones..adults and kids alike.  My older DD is not even allowed to have her phone on her if we are out at dinner or an event.

My own camera is my cell phone.  And "just like our parents" would require the same access to pay phones that "our own parents" had. It doesn't matter if you are personally sick of cell phones - that doesn't make them rude.  I personally think that all music on the radio should be Broadway show tunes.  It doesn't mean I am "right" or that people who feel and choose differently are "wrong" or "rude".  It is fine for you to choose for yourself how you want to live and for you to choose for your minor children.  If you don't want to socialize with people who make different choices that is also fine.  However, that doesn't mean you are more polite or that they are more rude.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Sharnita on September 05, 2013, 02:36:55 PM
Am I the only person who has gone to events and not seen people hunched over their phones? I went to a wedding last month and I don't remember anyone using their phones at all.

Honestly. even people who are usually fond of their phones seem to put them away at weddings and similar events, in my experience. Now there might be a random case of a single who is left alone at a table while the couples are all dancing getting out the phone but if somebody really objects to that then I find that really controlling.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: CocoCamm on September 05, 2013, 02:51:04 PM
But why assume the worst before anything has happened?  I know my friends' phone and other personality habits and if I have a concern, I would talk to them directly.  A general mass message is insulting

My husbands eldest brother is a known sports nut. I don't mean a fan I mean a nut. Like he will miss important events to watch a sports game on TV. My FIL read him the riot act before our wedding and told him in no uncertain terms he would not be disappearing from the wedding in order to catch up on any games.

I guess we could have gone overboard and just made an announcement like "please don't leave the festivities for long stretches of time to watch sports." But that would have been rude because I know it wouldn't even have occurred to like 98% of the guests to do such a thing.

Am I the only person who has gone to events and not seen people hunched over their phones? I went to a wedding last month and I don't remember anyone using their phones at all.

I have not. Not when going out to dinner. Not when attending fancy events. As another poster pointed out I think it happens just not as often as some may think.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: WillyNilly on September 05, 2013, 02:54:31 PM
If you want pictures of yourself and relatives, take your own camera. 

So people need to buy a whole separate camera if they've been only using their phone for this purpose for years?

Seriously! I haven't had a camera in 10 years, what a wonderful thing it was to finally graduate from disposables to a cell phone!
Next you're going to say I should also buy a watch, and an address book and pen, and small light for my keychain, and a GPS unit. And I suppose I'll need new cocktail purse to fit all this gear into...

Am I the only person who has gone to events and not seen people hunched over their phones? I went to a wedding last month and I don't remember anyone using their phones at all.

Nope, me too. I mean I have seen plenty of photos taken on cells. And I'm sure at some point someone discreetly sent to received a text or stepped out to take a call, but I've certainly never noticed it as its in no way a widespread issue.

I have over 1,400 photos from my 2012 wedding. Only 600 are from my hired photographers, the rest are from guests who took them and uploaded or otherwise digitally sent them to me. And I have looked at every single one and not one has anyone using a phone as anything other then a camera in them; not one "hunched head" in 160+ guests over the course of 5 hours, where I would estimate every guest owned a cell and 80% or more owned smart phones.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Yvaine on September 05, 2013, 02:58:42 PM
If you want pictures of yourself and relatives, take your own camera. 

So people need to buy a whole separate camera if they've been only using their phone for this purpose for years?

Seriously! I haven't had a camera in 10 years, what a wonderful thing it was to finally graduate from disposables to a cell phone!
Next you're going to say I should also buy a watch, and an address book and pen, and small light for my keychain, and a GPS unit. And I suppose I'll need new cocktail purse to fit all this gear into...

Try cocktail duffel bag!  ;D When all these functions could be fulfilled by one pocket-sized device that just happens to annoy some people by merely existing, even if people behave politely with it.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: audrey1962 on September 05, 2013, 03:12:55 PM
Is there a polite way to communicate this to one's guests?

No. IMO, this is equivalent to writing "no children" on an invitation. You have to assume your guests know how to behave properly.

Quote
Am I the only person who has gone to events and not seen people hunched over their phones? I went to a wedding last month and I don't remember anyone using their phones at all.

I haven't noticed this either. In the past year I've gone to one wedding, several professional conferences and countless dinners, and have yet to see hordes of guests hunched over their phones. It's just not something I've experienced.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: MrTango on September 05, 2013, 03:20:58 PM
If I received an invitation that said that there were no cell-phones allowed at a social event, I'd decline the invitation.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: StuffedGrapeLeaves on September 05, 2013, 03:31:02 PM
If I received an invitation that said that there were no cell-phones allowed at a social event, I'd decline the invitation.

Same here.  It's insulting to the guests to ban cell phones because you (general you) can't trust them to behave themselves.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Perfect Circle on September 05, 2013, 03:32:40 PM
Rude people are rude people. Technology does not make anyone rude. Technology can be absolutely great. Not embrasing techonology does not equal being being somehow more polite than those who do.

There is no polite way of asking people to not have their phones with them.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Hmmmmm on September 05, 2013, 04:17:43 PM
Rude people are rude people. Technology does not make anyone rude. Technology can be absolutely great. Not embrasing techonology does not equal being being somehow more polite than those who do.

There is no polite way of asking people to not have their phones with them.

This. Technology isn't rude, but people can use technology in a rude way.  I haven't encountered it often at social events I've attended but I do have a photo of a Bday celebration that makes me chuckle but also irritates me. We were attending a celebration for my 20ish nephew. The photo of him blowing out the candle taken by his wife shows everyone around the table watching with a cell phone in front of their face taking a photo. It really distracts from the photo.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: shhh its me on September 05, 2013, 05:46:05 PM
  I've been to 3 wedding in the last 2 years.  I didn't notice anyone hunches over a cell phone at all ever.   I'm sure a couple people took pictures with them but not from in the aisle or on the dance floor (unless instructed it was Ok for them to do so)The brides had some candid shots up on FB the day after the wedding I'm sure some of those where from smart phones.   The bride wanted those candid shots and was really glad she had them when it took the photographer 6 months to get the proofs to her.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: *inviteseller on September 05, 2013, 07:06:20 PM
At a school event tonight, I heard cell phones ringing while the principal was talking, saw people checking their phones, and taking calls without leaving the area.  Every place I go from stores, to restaurants, to the bus...people in my town I guess, are addicted to their phones.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: CuriousParty on September 05, 2013, 07:10:46 PM
My problem with the "this is how parents used to do it and everyone survived" is this - it IS how the MOB did it, probably, and the MOG too.  But it is NOT how the majority of current parents have ever done it.  It is as foreign to their experience as churning your own butter (at least some of them might have done that as a craft/scouts activity:). The current generation of parents (of which I am one, and on the older side, so I know the younger ones probably even more so) grew up with this technology as a part of their day to day experience, and it is how they function. For parenting, for communicating, for taking photos.  No, I don't think you can tell adult guests how to behave, any more than you can tell Great Aunt Lucy not to wear the gawdawful green dress with purple spots and carry her "best wishes" pink purse.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Roe on September 05, 2013, 07:36:44 PM
Am I the only person who has gone to events and not seen people hunched over their phones? I went to a wedding last month and I don't remember anyone using their phones at all.

Nope, not the only one. IMO, it might be that someone sees one or two people using their phones and exaggerate the usage. 
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Aeris on September 05, 2013, 11:48:53 PM
At a school event tonight, I heard cell phones ringing while the principal was talking, saw people checking their phones, and taking calls without leaving the area.  Every place I go from stores, to restaurants, to the bus...people in my town I guess, are addicted to their phones.

Why in the world do you care whether people use their cell phones on the bus?
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Oh Joy on September 06, 2013, 02:53:46 AM
Here's one small angle that's not being considered: eye contact.  When I walked down the aisle a few years ago, I had the experience of smiling at guests while they smiled at the image of me on their phone screens.  That it was a phone and not a camera is irrelevant; these guests - while happy and acting with the best intent - weren't able to connect, when the community presence is often an important part of a wedding ceremony.

Certainly didn't ruin my day, but I really wish I could have made eye contact instead of watching them smile at a rectangle in their hand.  I knew they were radiating affection, but it didn't really reach me, KWIM?
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Venus193 on September 06, 2013, 06:12:53 AM
At a school event tonight, I heard cell phones ringing while the principal was talking, saw people checking their phones, and taking calls without leaving the area.  Every place I go from stores, to restaurants, to the bus...people in my town I guess, are addicted to their phones.

Why in the world do you care whether people use their cell phones on the bus?

Because of becoming a captive audience to their private lives when they shout on the phone.

Public transportation is noisy enough in a city like mine without having to deal with that.  I dread the day when reception arrives to the full subway line.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: MariaE on September 06, 2013, 06:20:22 AM
At a school event tonight, I heard cell phones ringing while the principal was talking, saw people checking their phones, and taking calls without leaving the area.  Every place I go from stores, to restaurants, to the bus...people in my town I guess, are addicted to their phones.

Why in the world do you care whether people use their cell phones on the bus?

Because of becoming a captive audience to their private lives when they shout on the phone.

Public transportation is noisy enough in a city like mine without having to deal with that.  I dread the day when reception arrives to the full subway line.

Shouting is always rude (baring emergencies of course), but having a normal volume conversation is not rude no matter whether it's in person or on the phone. The topic matter may be, but that's regardless of the media.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Perfect Circle on September 06, 2013, 07:01:57 AM
At a school event tonight, I heard cell phones ringing while the principal was talking, saw people checking their phones, and taking calls without leaving the area.  Every place I go from stores, to restaurants, to the bus...people in my town I guess, are addicted to their phones.

Why in the world do you care whether people use their cell phones on the bus?

Because of becoming a captive audience to their private lives when they shout on the phone.

Public transportation is noisy enough in a city like mine without having to deal with that.  I dread the day when reception arrives to the full subway line.

Shouting is always rude (baring emergencies of course), but having a normal volume conversation is not rude no matter whether it's in person or on the phone. The topic matter may be, but that's regardless of the media.

Exactly. I don't shout on my phone - there's no need.

And the other rule also applies. Just because you don't like something does not make it rude.

Yes there are people who are rude when using their mobile phones but it's the people, not the phone that is the issue.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 06, 2013, 07:36:13 AM
ITA with Perfect Circle.

Some people may not behave properly in any context, regardless of technology.

Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: #borecore on September 06, 2013, 07:53:50 AM
When I got married three months ago, all our guests, to my knowledge, had cell phones, and maybe half had phones capable of taking pictures; many others had digital cameras. They did take tons of photos, but they were in no way a distraction from the event.

We did set up a site (weddingturtle.com sends you 500(!) free business cards with your personal URL so people can upload photos of your event; we set them out on the guestbook table) and were very grateful when 5 guests uploaded about 400 photos, many from unexpected angles and exactly one silly shot of someone posing with a camera in front of their face.

My friends and family did not need to be told not to pay attention to their phones instead of the actual events of the day. If I thought a person needed to be told, I might choose to ignore their behavior rather than confront them in advance, but I can see why someone might do that.

FWIW, I found our photographer (pro, but a family member doing it for free) much more of a distraction than anyone's quick snapshots! I wanted to be hanging out with all my guests, and there he was, having us pose for just one more group shot! I'm definitely immensely grateful for all those photos today, but "best day of my life" and "standing still and smiling till my cheeks hurt" aren't necessarily synonymous to me!
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: earthgirl on September 06, 2013, 12:06:25 PM

But the bride wants to ban people even bringing phones with them to the wedding. I don't carry mine because I can't be disconnected from texting and email, but because I always carry it with me. If I'm leaving my house, I'm carrying my phone. Cars break down, I get lost and need the GPS, I may be coordinating meeting someone somewhere. And when I get to where I'm going, I'm not going to leave my expensive smart phone in my car. I'm carrying it with me. In any case, how is she going to enforce this ban? Searching bags?

I think this ban is extremely unreasonable and as someone else said earlier, rude people who play cell phone games during a wedding will find another way to not pay attention if they don't have a cell phone.

POD this -- I don't like to drive anywhere without my cell phone because I have broken down on the side of a highway at night and had to call for help -- if I didn't have my phone with me, I would have had to wait for someone to stop and help me which is not a situation I want to be in. 

I'll readily admit that my smartphone could at some times be considered an extension of my arm.  I've never had a problem putting it on silent and putting it away for weddings, family functions, dinners, etc.  But I don't like to go anywhere without it, even if it's just sitting in my purse on silent.  Could I leave it in the car when I go into an event?  I guess so, but don't see the point.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: rigs32 on September 06, 2013, 01:06:45 PM
A few thoughts:

1) If we were talking about JUST the ceremony, I can maybe see the point.  But with weddings be an all-day affair, you're asking people to be disconnected for hours and hours.  I assume some would decline the invite if the ban was serious.

2) It's not only doctors that have emergencies.  I have a job that sometimes I must be in contact with others.  I can't always plan ahead so I might not know until the day before.  Would you prefer I cancel at the last minute or discreetly use my phone as needed?

3) Someone always dislikes a particular technology.  Just because you hate cell phones doesn't make mine rude.   My city is strange in that we still have a lot of pay phones, but they are all in the city.  Many people who get married do so in the suburbs.

Frankly, I have played with my cell phone in a church during a wedding.  It's a coping mechanism for me.  I'm not Christian and if an officiant gives a sermon that makes me uncomfortable, I will distract myself with my phone so as to not feel angry or uncomfortable.  And I will take photos with my phone - I turn the flash off and it makes no noise.  A lot of regular cameras make noise every time the shutter closes and people don't always turn the flash off.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Surianne on September 06, 2013, 01:36:47 PM
I would love to attend an event without cell phones, and I don't see anything rude about requesting this, as long as another method is provided for emergency contact if someone does need to be reachable 24/7.  I'd really like to see this idea catch on. 

I find it very distracting to be surrounded by the constant flashes from photos, typing sounds, ringtones, and vibration noise every time a text comes in even if the ringtone is turned off.  I also find it rude for someone to pull out their phone in the middle of a conversation with me. 

I do understand the introvert argument -- I'm one too.  I solve it by going for a quick walk outside or chilling out in the bathroom for a bit.  I think pulling out a cell phone and surfing the internet at a wedding reception, so that you can avoid talking to people at your table, is extremely rude.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Yvaine on September 06, 2013, 02:05:20 PM
At a school event tonight, I heard cell phones ringing while the principal was talking, saw people checking their phones, and taking calls without leaving the area.  Every place I go from stores, to restaurants, to the bus...people in my town I guess, are addicted to their phones.

Why in the world do you care whether people use their cell phones on the bus?

Because of becoming a captive audience to their private lives when they shout on the phone.

Public transportation is noisy enough in a city like mine without having to deal with that.  I dread the day when reception arrives to the full subway line.

Shouting is always rude (baring emergencies of course), but having a normal volume conversation is not rude no matter whether it's in person or on the phone. The topic matter may be, but that's regardless of the media.

Yup. And I can't see any reason it would be rude to play a game (with volume down or earbuds in) or surf the internet on one's phone on the bus. The bus is BORING. People playing games, reading books (and heck, they might be reading a book on their phone) or surfing the internet on the bus is par for the course.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: shhh its me on September 06, 2013, 03:26:19 PM
I would love to attend an event without cell phones, and I don't see anything rude about requesting this, as long as another method is provided for emergency contact if someone does need to be reachable 24/7.  I'd really like to see this idea catch on. 

I find it very distracting to be surrounded by the constant flashes from photos, typing sounds, ringtones, and vibration noise every time a text comes in even if the ringtone is turned off.  I also find it rude for someone to pull out their phone in the middle of a conversation with me. 

I do understand the introvert argument -- I'm one too.  I solve it by going for a quick walk outside or chilling out in the bathroom for a bit.  I think pulling out a cell phone and surfing the internet at a wedding reception, so that you can avoid talking to people at your table, is extremely rude.

I'm trying to think of any other item in history that wedding host might have"Banned" rather then just speak to the potential offend guest personally.  I'm thinking mom talk to Aunt Mary I don't want them sneaking beers/their skateboards/turning a table into a card tournament  like they did at other event. Jumping off from that example telling all the guests " all paying cards are banned "  I think would be bizarre and some people might take offense at being told to not do something they would never think of doing.  I cant think of anything else that has the same potential for rudeness that has become such an important part of our lives.

The leave this as an emergency number, I'm not sure people actually know how to do that anymore.  Using a made up emergency. The baby fell out of the crib. Cell phone babysitter calls parents and they proceed to call ambulance/go home/ determine the baby is ok go on with evening.

Call venue. "I need to speak with Mrs Smith."  (if the venue is not prepped that they will be receive emergency calls and/or has not prepped every person answering the phone) There is no Mrs Smith here (of course no one named Mrs Smith works there) "The baby fell they told me they would be there." , "I'm sorry but you have the wrong number."  on and on .... There are people under 20 who have never called a person other then directly on their cell or home phone. Who've not seen anyone call a business even in a movie and say "Hello there has been an emergency I need to speak to Mrs Smith , she is a guest at the Jones wedding/she's having dinner with some friends. I must speak with her urgently "   This kind of calling etiquette isn't taught anymore there hasn't been a need in 15 years.  I  think the confused babysitter and receptionist would be likely to figure it out after a bit of confusion. More troubling to me,  there are 20 people who if they were in a car accident that evening I would leave your wedding to go to the hospital. 20 years ago these people may not have been able to get a hold of me , now they can and I want them to. 

Flashes going off , I think once cameras became affordable and compact people took them to weddings. I recall a trend where the hosts would provide a disposable cameras at each table.  I think there are more of them. Film was expensive so picture were limited by cost a bit and I didn't used to take my digital camera or before that film? camera(is analog the right word?) with me unless everywhere even to weddings it was too much to carry and remember.  Now there may be 80 -100 with virtually picture and video taking capacity. So I understand your point and the pp who talked about looking into a sea of phones( the guests using the zoom to see better , so they were really actively engaged in the event not tuning out.)  creating a barrier.  5 guests using a roll of film with flash wasn't rude though. I'm not sure 80 guests taking 10 or even 20  pics each is rude either but annoying sure.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: QueenfaninCA on September 06, 2013, 03:36:30 PM
I would love to attend an event without cell phones, and I don't see anything rude about requesting this, as long as another method is provided for emergency contact if someone does need to be reachable 24/7.  I'd really like to see this idea catch on. 

Sorry, no. I'm not driving anywhere without my cell phone for safety reasons and for sure I'll not leave my smart phone in the car.

And seriously, how are they even going to get someone who gets an emergency call on the phone? Since the advent of cell phones more people are on call for their job so it's much more likely than 20 years ago that people will call the venue asking for someone. Some people (like my husband) when they get a call, very likely will also need internet access to check on a number of things. A smartphone provides that. A venue probably not, so we'd have to leave if he gets a call (for something he could resolve in five minutes with his smartphone while standing in a hallway or otherwise out of the way reasonably quiet area).
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: rose red on September 06, 2013, 03:46:52 PM
Just a thought.  For big weddings, isn't answering personal cell phones for an emergency less disruptive than quieting the entire room to make an announcement?  An announcement over the intercom is also disruptive or can be missed over the noise of chatter and music.

I don't think anybody should play games, surf the net, or text their bff all night long, but banning cell phones is just not reasonable nowadays.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Surianne on September 06, 2013, 03:51:08 PM
Just a thought.  For big weddings, isn't answering personal cell phones for an emergency less disruptive than quieting the entire room to make an announcement?  An announcement over the intercom is also disruptive or can be missed over the noise of chatter and music.

I don't think anybody should play games or text their bff all night long, but banning cell phones is just not reasonable nowadays.

I'd think it was up to the couple to determine which they'd find more disruptive.  As a guest, I personally would find a single announcement in the case of an emergency much less disruptive than some of the behaviours associated with cell phones that posters here have described. 
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: rose red on September 06, 2013, 03:55:16 PM
Just a thought.  For big weddings, isn't answering personal cell phones for an emergency less disruptive than quieting the entire room to make an announcement?  An announcement over the intercom is also disruptive or can be missed over the noise of chatter and music.

I don't think anybody should play games or text their bff all night long, but banning cell phones is just not reasonable nowadays.

I'd think it was up to the couple to determine which they'd find more disruptive.  As a guest, I personally would find a single announcement in the case of an emergency much less disruptive than some of the behaviours associated with cell phones that posters here have described.

YMMV.  If I get annoyed by talking or texting (and I have) by my companion, I simply walk away and talk to someone else.  As for taking pictures, banning cell phones only bring out real cameras.  But it's the host's right to decide, and it's the guest's right on how to RSVP.  I rarely use my phone to the point of getting upset by my bill vs. usage, but no way will I leave it at home.  A message on the invitation feels like an insult due to a few bad apples spoiling it for all of us who know how to behave.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Venus193 on September 06, 2013, 04:03:21 PM
I don't think anyone here questions the convenience, the speed, or the safety issues about cell phones.  What I think is bothering the OP's friend is the distraction factor.

I do not consider it egotistical for a bridal couple to expect their guests to pay attention to the ceremony and to socialize.  This is a reasonable expectation.  If it's an all-day affair, stepping out to check the phone for a few minutes every two or three hours is not unreasonable. 

However...

If someone whips out a cell phone or tablet to surf the net, watch videos, or play games because he's booooooooored, tough noogies.  Sometimes you endure boredom for the sake of maintaining relationship harmony.  What is wrong with conversing with other guests?  Are people forgetting how to do that or how important it is to know how?
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Judah on September 06, 2013, 04:24:14 PM
If someone whips out a cell phone or tablet to surf the net, watch videos, or play games because he's booooooooored, tough noogies.  Sometimes you endure boredom for the sake of maintaining relationship harmony.  What is wrong with conversing with other guests?  Are people forgetting how to do that or how important it is to know how?

I agree, but I don't think anyone is saying otherwise. All I'm saying is that I've never seen this behavior at any event I've attended, so I don't see the need to even bring it up. And even if this kind of behavior was common, it's still rude to essentially chastise adults on their poor behavior before they've had the chance to exhibit said poor behavior.  Tread adults like adults and expect them to behave like adults and they probably will.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Surianne on September 06, 2013, 04:58:46 PM
If someone whips out a cell phone or tablet to surf the net, watch videos, or play games because he's booooooooored, tough noogies.  Sometimes you endure boredom for the sake of maintaining relationship harmony.  What is wrong with conversing with other guests?  Are people forgetting how to do that or how important it is to know how?

I agree, but I don't think anyone is saying otherwise. All I'm saying is that I've never seen this behavior at any event I've attended, so I don't see the need to even bring it up. And even if this kind of behavior was common, it's still rude to essentially chastise adults on their poor behavior before they've had the chance to exhibit said poor behavior.  Tread adults like adults and expect them to behave like adults and they probably will.

I think it's coming from some posters earlier who explained that they play with their cell phone at weddings because keeping up conversation is uncomfortable.  That's what I find rude, personally, though I understand that other people are more easily able to ignore it.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: Judah on September 06, 2013, 05:16:52 PM
If someone whips out a cell phone or tablet to surf the net, watch videos, or play games because he's booooooooored, tough noogies.  Sometimes you endure boredom for the sake of maintaining relationship harmony.  What is wrong with conversing with other guests?  Are people forgetting how to do that or how important it is to know how?

I agree, but I don't think anyone is saying otherwise. All I'm saying is that I've never seen this behavior at any event I've attended, so I don't see the need to even bring it up. And even if this kind of behavior was common, it's still rude to essentially chastise adults on their poor behavior before they've had the chance to exhibit said poor behavior.  Treat adults like adults and expect them to behave like adults and they probably will.

I think it's coming from some posters earlier who explained that they play with their cell phone at weddings because keeping up conversation is uncomfortable.  That's what I find rude, personally, though I understand that other people are more easily able to ignore it.

No, I agree, that's rude.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: miranova on September 07, 2013, 10:30:52 AM
Yeah sorry, I'm not leaving my phone at home.  Just yesterday I forgot my phone and went back to get it.  And that was the day I got an emergency text about my son falling off his bike on the way to school and needing an x-ray.  Sure, EVENTUALLY someone would have called my workplace, and they would have had to track me down (it's a big building).  But that would have taken a lot of time, and my son would have been waiting for me.  If at a wedding, I will GLADLY turn my phone to silent for the entire ceremony and reception.  But I WILL check it occasionally to make sure there are no emergencies.  I'll do it as discreetly as possible (in the bathroom etc) but I actually don't think it would be a horrible crime to check it quickly while the bride and groom are occupied elsewhere.  Weddings/receptions can last most of a day.  It is completely unreasonable to expect that guests will not even check in on their children (or at least see if they have any missed calls) for that entire time.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: sammycat on September 07, 2013, 06:29:39 PM
Yeah sorry, I'm not leaving my phone at home.  Snip

 If at a wedding, I will GLADLY turn my phone to silent for the entire ceremony and reception.  But I WILL check it occasionally to make sure there are no emergencies.  I'll do it as discreetly as possible (in the bathroom etc) but I actually don't think it would be a horrible crime to check it quickly while the bride and groom are occupied elsewhere.  Weddings/receptions can last most of a day.  It is completely unreasonable to expect that guests will not even check in on their children (or at least see if they have any missed calls) for that entire time.

This is my stance too.
Title: Re: Cell Phone Ban
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 07, 2013, 07:22:55 PM
My phone would be on silent and tucked in my bag during the ceremony and reception. However, I haven't participated in a wedding yet that didn't have quite a bit of downtime with the wedding party having photographs in between the two events.