Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Holidays => Topic started by: POF on September 10, 2013, 12:23:22 PM

Title: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS - update # 54
Post by: POF on September 10, 2013, 12:23:22 PM
We are gearing up for the annual battle over who owns XMAS in DH's family.

 About 8- years ago my FIL passed and my MIL moved into assisted living.  Prior to that XMAS was held XMAS Night at her house - it was dinner at 5:30, visiting, gifts merriment. We went home about 8:30 or really whenever we wanted to.  We each brought one food item, usually an appetizer or a dessert.  Dinner was prepared by MIL.

The next 2 years were hosted by Lakehouse Sally.  It was not terribly "merry".
      She assigned major pieces of the dinner to each of us - without our input. 
      Her grown children would fight and argue. 
      We were asked to come at 1:00, dinner would be served at 3:30 or so and then we  could not leave until 6:00 or so.
     This was hard with little ones who wanted to be home and play with their toys.
      Hosting was marginal, one year there were no appropriate beverages - only alcohol and tap water, it got so that I had to bring so much food / drinks etc - that it would be easier for me to stay home.
      There was a falling out in the family - so certain siblings will not go to Sally's house.



DH and I said enough is enough, its not how we want to celebrate - so we said we are staying home. We are eating at 5:30 - if you want to join us - GREAT - let me know by X date.  But no pressure - just know you are welcome.

XMAS has been a great success at our house. Some years I've had 32 people ( inlcuding the 4 of us ) , last year it was just us and an elderly relative.  I really am not concerned with what other people want to do - but they are welcome and can bring friends etc.  uaully - I have 13 to 14 people.  Sally's daughter Betty announced that she was hosting XMAS last year. I nicely said- thanks for the invite, but we stay home for XMAS - would you like to get together another day ( and we did ).  Note that neice ended up with her entire extended family invited and it was apparently a zoo.  Since I am hssting - I take care of all the food, but allow folks to bring something that they want to. My college age neice likes to bake - so she brings dessert etc. but  Ido not assign anything.

It's September - way too early to get a XMAS count and Lakehouse Sally corners me at MIL's birthday this weekend and says - I am having everyone for XMAS. I want to have the entire family at my house. I said - Sally, thanks for the invite, but we stay home at XMAS - I'll be happy to get together another day if you want. NO she emphatically says - I want EVERYONE at my house and people would rather go to yours, so don't have dinner.  I explained, that I will have my annual open house for anyone who wants to come.

 Sally's children are grown, she has grandchildren and her children have significant others.  It's not like she will not have a houseful, but DH and the boys and I like to be home on XMAS. We don't want to go and spend 6+ hours at someone elses house on XMAS.  I am OK with them doing their own thing, we are doing our own thing.

Everyone else is OK with casual XMAS - dynamics change and families evolve.  Plus - it is serious chaos at her house.  it gets very tense and some old disagreements get aired.

At my house - everyone knows NOT to do that.

So -  I guess I will keep saying no, I guess it will be rude to say - you can invite me not demand my presence.  But I would appreciate any other ideas for deflecting this.


Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: NyaChan on September 10, 2013, 12:27:02 PM
I got really excited when I saw your post  :D  You seem to be handling it as well so far.  It isn't as if she can drag you over to her place. 
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: POF on September 10, 2013, 12:28:19 PM
I've been sick and haven't had the strength to give the Lakehouse update for this year  ::) - but stay tuned. Craziness.... its in the air.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Shabooty on September 10, 2013, 12:34:24 PM
I think your response was perfect.  Rinse, lather and repeat.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Sophia on September 10, 2013, 12:39:12 PM
...NO she emphatically says - I want EVERYONE at my house and people would rather go to yours, so don't have dinner. ...

I had to laugh at this.  The idea of HER maybe, I don't know, provide dinner had not occurred to her. 
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: JenJay on September 10, 2013, 12:42:18 PM
Obviously she "gets it" that everyone prefers your home to hers. You'd think maybe that would be a wake up call and she'd say to herself "Hmmm, what is POF doing that everyone loves so much? Maybe I should try that when I host." But no, instead her brain jumps to "Hey POF please kick everyone out of your house for Christmas and promise to come to my house instead. We all know they won't come unless they have literally no other option."  :P
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Luci on September 10, 2013, 01:26:54 PM
"No...I want everyone at my house..." makes her sound like a petulant child. Did she cross her arms and stomp her foot, too?

And good for you for saying you will not be there.

Poor Sally.  :'( If she won't learn how to host and change her behavior, I guess she'll just die sad.

It sounds as if your husband has been with you on this, at least. Hope it keeps.

Please don't go. I don't think you need to deflect any more than just repeat that you will not be there. There is no reason to let her go on and on about it.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: ilrag on September 10, 2013, 02:21:51 PM
Have you directly called her out and said something like "Sally, why do you think you can tell me how to spend my Christmas?"
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: SCMagnolia on September 10, 2013, 02:24:07 PM
Quote
So -  I guess I will keep saying no, I guess it will be rude to say - you can invite me not demand my presence.

I think I'd be very tempted to ask, "Sally, are you INVITING me to your house or are you DEMANDING that I be at your house?" and then tell her exactly what you told her for as many times as you need to tell her for her to get the hint (or until you are thisclose to snapping and needing to bury a body.)

She's just all kinds of special little Christmas snowflake by demanding that everyone go to HER house for Christmas.  Has anyone sat her down and had the "Santa really isn't real" talk yet, too?   :P
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: lowspark on September 10, 2013, 02:41:49 PM
We love to watch old Perry Mason episodes (from the 60s) and this phrase (which I often use when appropriate) comes to mind:
"Objected to as already asked and answered."

You could say something along those lines. "Sally, you already invited me and I already declined." Then either bean dip or better yet, deflect your attention elsewhere and walk away.

It is pretty funny that she recognizes that the only way to get people to come to her house is to try to bully you into not inviting them to yours. How can she not see how ridiculous that is?
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Zizi-K on September 10, 2013, 02:47:58 PM
Ha - she's not demanding that you come to her place, she's demanding that you not hold your annual party which would conflict with hers. I'm curious whether Sally has come to your open houses in the past, and whether she enjoyed herself?
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: mime on September 10, 2013, 04:23:30 PM
I was unaware of the Lakehouse Sally Chronicles... interesting. Other stories do help put everything into perspective, too.

I can appreciate Lakehouse Sally wanting everyone together for her gathering. I understand the feeling that it is a 'special' gathering when that happens. It's just not always possible, though, and she doesn't get to have that at the expense of your family's feelings and desire to stay home.

My grandmother pulled a similar stunt on Thanksgiving one year. She declared there would be no T-day celebration. After learning that the family was making other plans to celebrate elsewhere rather than sit at home and "anit-celebrate", Grandma decided she would host after all and tried to force invitations made by others to be revoked to restore her traditional guest list. It didn't work.

I applaud you for preserving your own tradition for your family, and in an etiquette-friendly way, treating this demand as if it was an invitation and kindly turning it down.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: TootsNYC on September 10, 2013, 05:45:11 PM
I think your response was perfect.  Rinse, lather and repeat.

Ditto--lather, rinse, repeat.

Like mime, I understand that it's really special when it's everyone.
And believe me, I get it, the appeal of hosting "the" family celebration.

But you have to succeed at it, to win that honor. It truly is an honor granted by the attendees. That's what she doesn't get.
   You either earn that honor because you are so loving to people that they want to please you; or by creating a gathering of people who enjoy one another's company; or by superior hosting. She's done none of those.



Nice advice here:


You could say something along those lines. "Sally, you already invited me and I already declined." Then either bean dip or better yet, deflect your attention elsewhere and walk away.

It is pretty funny that she recognizes that the only way to get people to come to her house is to try to bully you into not inviting them to yours. How can she not see how ridiculous that is?
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: POF on September 10, 2013, 07:00:31 PM
The problem is she always wants a fantastic gathering - but isn't willing to put the work into it.  I would have to bring about 5 dishes, my own beverages and there would not be enough seating and would be balancing my dish on my lap.

Its also at a time that doesn't work for us... She will say we are eating at 1:30, come at 1:00. We will need to leave our house at noon, and I'll need a few hours to get my dishes cooked wrapped assembled and underway. So my XMAS AM ends at 10:00.

We won't eat until 3:30 or so ( we will have sat and talked for 2 hours ) , dessert will be served at 5:30 and we will not be able to leave until 7:00 - getting home at 8:00. 

I like to be in my own home for XMAS - when MIL hosted, we brought something simple - like a cold appetizer or salad or cookies. Nothing that required a lot of effort on XMAS - plus dinner wasn't held until 5:30 - so we had plenty of time at home.

I work very hard when I have folks over at XMAS, I am organized and have it all laid out. Everyone seems to have a great time.  of course Sally and co are also invited. 

I just want to take care of myself and do what I want and my family.  She will still have 10 people at her house for XMAS - so it isn;t like she will be alone.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: acicularis on September 11, 2013, 06:59:54 AM
I want EVERYONE at my house and people would rather go to yours, so don't have dinner.

How on earth did you keep from laughing when she made that demand?

Since she's so fussed about this, I wouldn't be surprised if she issued her invitations summons for Xmas extremely early, to try to keep people from choosing your celebration instead of hers. But since you don't seem to see this as some kind of competition (you are just as happy to host a small group as a large one), I don't think you need to to anything different than what you've been doing. Keep repeating that you will be staying home for Xmas, but will be happy to get together another day with anyone you don't see on Xmas.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: TootsNYC on September 11, 2013, 02:09:43 PM
The problem is she always wants a fantastic gathering - but isn't willing to put the work into it.  I would have to bring about 5 dishes, my own beverages and there would not be enough seating and would be balancing my dish on my lap.


Is there a reason why nobody has said, "Sally, we don't want to come to Christmas at your house--you never cook anything, WE bring all the food, and it's way too much work. Sure, we're willing to *help*, but there's never enough beverages, and we're bringing way too much stuff. When the rest of us have a family gathering, we make most of the food ourselves.
    "And the time is just too weird. You insist we come way too early, and the meal--which is the main activity--doesn't start for too long a time, and then you want us to stay way too late.
    "Sorry--it doesn't work for us. But I felt you deserved to know what the specific complaints are."

The bickering--well, some of that is on the bickerers.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: bopper on September 12, 2013, 01:37:45 PM
"Sally, if I have to cook my own Xmas dinner, I would rather do that at home.  "
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: MrTango on September 12, 2013, 01:52:23 PM
POF,

Is Lakehouse Sally aware of your difficulties (re: your recent thread in the Hugs folder)?

Even if she isn't, her level of pushiness is rude, but if she is aware, then her behavior could even be seen as manipulative/opportunistic.  She may be using the discord in your house to disrupt a tradition that she sees as a threat to her dominance over the family.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 12, 2013, 02:21:19 PM
We have blocked off Christmas day for years to be our nuclear family only. We have a Christmas Eve candle lit ceremony we attend at church, then it is home and together until Boxing Day.

POF, Sally is something else!
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: hobish on September 12, 2013, 02:44:35 PM

I think you are doing great! I canít think of any other ways to go. My parents ran into the same thing. When my brother and I were little they got tired of going from place to place and trying to coordinate with every relative in the area. We loved visiting the grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles and eeeeeeveryone, but it was just so much for one already exciting day. Eventually they put their foot (feet?) down and said we would be staying home for Christmas. It was really nice. If a little vote of confidence helps any, I am nigh on 40 and still thankful my parents did that.

Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: POF on September 12, 2013, 03:03:16 PM
Lake House Sally isn't really factoring in anything going with me, she just wants to be the center of attention and te boss of all things.

We are not going to her house for XMAS.  Plus - DH's brother and his family - aleays want to come to our house.

She's a nutjob.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Snooks on September 12, 2013, 03:12:10 PM

She's a nutjob.

Well yes, but nuts are traditional at Christmas.

On a more serious note at least you've spelt out early on that you aren't changing your plans.  I'd put good money on you getting lots of calls to check you're still hosting at Christmas because LHS says you're not.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Sophia on September 13, 2013, 10:32:35 AM
"Sally, if I have to cook my own Xmas dinner, I would rather do that at home.  "

I would seriously genuinely say this. 

Although, I suspect the POF would still stay at home even if Lakehouse Sally offered a fully catered meal. 
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Redsoil on September 13, 2013, 10:44:34 AM
Any time she brings it up, simply say something like "I hope you all have a wonderful time!"  No point getting into it - just deflect.  I assume she knows you'll simply celebrate at home and has accepted that.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: NotTheNarcissist on September 13, 2013, 03:26:00 PM
OP you already have this under control. Kudos to your resolve & strong backbone.

Sally reminds me of my control freak SIL except my SIL cooks a huge meal. Even so I'm always struck around holidays the kids/nieces/nephews would rather hang w/ DH & I than at her house. For one thing we are more relaxed & aren't trying to force any rel@tionships with anyone. For another we aren't grilling each person with personal question after personal question. She does those 2 things & I guess kids are just tired of it.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: POF on September 13, 2013, 06:07:12 PM
I usually am pretty organized and I make sure that there are plenty of appies, drinks and stuff to nosh on before dinner. We eat as planned - SIL will be at leat 2 hours late.  Desserts are on my buffet and you can have dessert before dinner, with dinner, immediately after or 2 hours later - I don't care :)

I also don't sweat when people come and go ...

I plan activities - but they are not required:

Yankee Grab,

This year I am doing family trivia - prize is an itunes card,

I get my MIL to tell her most embarrassing stories - she gets a few drinks first

This year - we might play a form of scavenger hunt.




Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: JeanFromBNA on September 13, 2013, 06:59:17 PM
I got really excited when I saw your post  :D   

Glad I wasn't alone!  ;)
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 13, 2013, 07:08:32 PM
Wow, we usually spend a good amount of time at my IL's on Christmas Day but that's pleasant because MIL does most of the cooking and each family brings a part of the meal.  This is mainly because MIL has a small kitchen though.  And it rotates so no family is stuck doing the turkey or potatoes two years in a row.

It's also pleasant because everyone keeps it so. :)
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on September 13, 2013, 07:37:06 PM
POF, I have to say, your Xmas day sounds like a lot of fun.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: blarg314 on September 15, 2013, 06:35:16 AM

Even when everyone is a good host and people get along, you reach a point when there are too many people in the mix to have everyone at the same place for Christmas. Families with small kids often decide to stay at home, to keep the kids from getting stressed and cranky. Couples alternate between the sides of the families. People move and can't get back for Christmas. If you *do* get everyone in one place, there isn't room for them, and preparing food for that many people becomes prohibitively difficult.

But there is a certain level of special self centredness when someone recognizes that people would rather go somewhere else other than their event for the holidays, but manages to be completely oblivious to the fact that reason no-one wants to come is that their own event is badly organized and chaotic, a huge amount of work for everyone else, takes too long and is short on basic hospitality.



Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 15, 2013, 06:50:21 AM
Yeah, we used to do the switch off, doing Christmas with one family, Thanksgiving with the other and then the following year we'd switch.  But for the last 3 years we've gone to the IL's for both holidays, but no one seems to mind because it's fun and well hosted. 

It's also nice cause it's not too many people in one space.  At most there's 10 people, if DH's cousin can make it, everyone gets along, and the IL's are pleasant hosts. :)
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: courtsmad25 on September 16, 2013, 11:59:53 AM
 It's posts like these that make me very aware on how diffrent family's are! Growing up Christmas eve was at my Grandma D's place, and always around 5-ish so my cousins, whose parents divorced years before, could fit it in with the other 30 Christmas things going on. I can remember one time when we had it at a cousins house instead but all of the rest of those years, Grandmas. Period. End of story.

  Christmas Day was always breakfast at home with the nuclear family (Mom, Dad, Sisters etc). Christmas Evening Dinner was at 6 PM at Grandparents W house. There were 10 kids, and all of their kids, S/O etc needless to say, that house was packed with at least 50 people...but you Had to go to Grandparents W house, or you were thought of as a special snowflake, a snob, or worse and risked being disowned by the family.  :o
  Yes, I am this serious! As we've gotten older,, the elders have been passing away so its not AS stringent, but, you had better be there or in a hospital.. So this posting had blown my mind!! Thank you Ehell for showing the differences.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 16, 2013, 01:59:33 PM
While my paternal grandparents were alive and had their own place, we always had Thanksgiving at their home, but once they went into a facility the hosting job kind of shifted around and as years passed it would take longer and longer for the decision of where Christmas was going to be held.  One year they didn't decide till a week before and then some folks pouted when we (DH and I) said we had to go home Thanksgiving night cause I had to work the next day.  Gee, maybe I would have been able to ask for time off if I'd been able to give more notice!

Now we get together with DH's IL's every year and like I said, it's nice.  They don't expect us to be there until around 1 usually and that gives us enough time for the kids to open presents, eat and get ready and drive down (it's an hour and 15min drive).  We do tend to stay till 6 but since we always play a rather hilarious game of Spades with plenty of iced tea and sugary snacks, it's a lot of fun. :)
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 16, 2013, 05:46:02 PM
I always felt that we were caught in the middle as children on Christmas Eve and Day. We went were the family wanted us to go, sometimes to the dreaded smoky house, where I would get sick instantly, sometimes other houses. I felt like we never had enough time to spend one single day together without other family or friends. That is why Christmas Day is just for us.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: blarg314 on September 16, 2013, 07:25:44 PM

...but you Had to go to Grandparents W house, or you were thought of as a special snowflake, a snob, or worse and risked being disowned by the family.  :o
  Yes, I am this serious! As we've gotten older,, the elders have been passing away so its not AS stringent, but, you had better be there or in a hospital.. So this posting had blown my mind!! Thank you Ehell for showing the differences.

Has anyone either moved away, or married someone whose family is in a different area? Those tend to be the breaking points for a YOU MUST Christmas tradition - someone moves a long distance and can't get time off work, or can't afford the tickets, or someone has a spouse who wants to spend some Christmases with their own extended family, who doesn't live in the area. Even a few hours away, when you've got small children, can push someone into taking the heat of breaking away.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: courtsmad25 on September 17, 2013, 11:39:22 AM

...but you Had to go to Grandparents W house, or you were thought of as a special snowflake, a snob, or worse and risked being disowned by the family.  :o
  Yes, I am this serious! As we've gotten older,, the elders have been passing away so its not AS stringent, but, you had better be there or in a hospital.. So this posting had blown my mind!! Thank you Ehell for showing the differences.

Has anyone either moved away, or married someone whose family is in a different area? Those tend to be the breaking points for a YOU MUST Christmas tradition - someone moves a long distance and can't get time off work, or can't afford the tickets, or someone has a spouse who wants to spend some Christmases with their own extended family, who doesn't live in the area. Even a few hours away, when you've got small children, can push someone into taking the heat of breaking away.


  I kid you not: spouse issue, you better have spent thanks giving with them, cause your going to Granparent W's place. Moved away? If your not there (military deployment exception) you WILL be a "special snowflake" and possibly disowned. We were OK with leaving the festivities a little early because my mom worked nights at a hospital. With my first husband we would spend the night at my parents place, then travel 3 counties to his family's Christmas.. then he working night's would go home, then I would go another 3 counties over to Grandparent W's.  My baby sister didn't go 2 years in a row; and they didn't attend her wedding, baby shower, baby's first birthday etc.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Sophia on September 17, 2013, 02:57:09 PM
I think I know who the special snowflake is, and it isn't your baby sister.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: MindsEye on September 17, 2013, 03:29:54 PM
  I kid you not: spouse issue, you better have spent thanks giving with them, cause your going to Granparent W's place. Moved away? If your not there (military deployment exception) you WILL be a "special snowflake" and possibly disowned. We were OK with leaving the festivities a little early because my mom worked nights at a hospital. With my first husband we would spend the night at my parents place, then travel 3 counties to his family's Christmas.. then he working night's would go home, then I would go another 3 counties over to Grandparent W's.  My baby sister didn't go 2 years in a row; and they didn't attend her wedding, baby shower, baby's first birthday etc.

Good grief.  I think at that point I would want to be disowned!  Good riddance to bad rubbish would be my attitude, I am afraid... I wouldn't want to have anything to do with the relatives who led the shunning or the ones who went along with it.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: weeblewobble on September 17, 2013, 03:46:07 PM
I have an acquaintance, Tara, with the "unrealistic grasp of entertaining" problem.  She doesn't seem to realize that it takes more than decorating your house nicely to make a nice party.  You have to put food and drinks on the table.  You have to provide some form of entertainment.  You have to make people feel welcome and not chase them around your house, reminding them to wipe their feet, use coasters, avoid sitting in the "nice" chairs, those are just for show.

Tara would host 30 people and only put out a two liter of soda and a plate of cheese and crackers, then gripe that people always seem so eager to leave her parties and don't show gratitude for her hospitality. friends have tried to gently tell her that people might be willing to stick around if she offered more food or drink or maybe stopped treating guests like they were furniture-smudging burglars.  But she said that she has the right to keep her home nice and if people want extra food and drink, they should bring them.

Other people in the group, with less "magazine perfect" houses, but the foresight to put out an abundance of delicious food and drink, provide games and activities and relaxed, fun atmosphere, host parties at their homes.  And Tara gripes because their houses aren't as nice as hers, but people act like they're having a better time than at hers.

She wouldn't listen to suggestions from others and eventually people just stopped going to her house.  With Lakehouse Sally, I would just tell her that you're going to continue with your holiday as planned.  And she can continue with hers.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Snooks on September 17, 2013, 03:53:06 PM
To avoid de-railing this thread could we have a separate thread about people's failure to host?  They're good stories but we could swamp POF's thread if we're not careful :)
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: o_gal on September 20, 2013, 12:23:32 PM
I've been sick and haven't had the strength to give the Lakehouse update for this year  ::) - but stay tuned. Craziness.... its in the air.

So I've been waiting patiently and haven't seen it yet... did you ever post the Lakehouse update?
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: POF on September 20, 2013, 02:33:44 PM
Gosh no, I've been crazy - but will try to do it this weekend. :)
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Missy2U on September 20, 2013, 03:09:29 PM
Gosh no, I've been crazy - but will try to do it this weekend. :)

YAY!!!!  Now I have something other than the NFL to look forward to this weekend!!  :)
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: nayberry on September 29, 2013, 12:23:07 PM
so POF, what time should we arrive ?  :D
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: flickan on September 29, 2013, 12:35:35 PM
We have blocked off Christmas day for years to be our nuclear family only. We have a Christmas Eve candle lit ceremony we attend at church, then it is home and together until Boxing Day.


That sounds wonderful!  I wish I could spend Christmas at home with just our family; my spouse and the cats.  We've worked out an alternating Christmas tradition but we get an undue amount of flack from my side because they want both of us every year.  So long as I've been alive I've only had one set of grandparents so with only one family to visit each holiday my parents have never had to make compromises.  It's so hard to please everyone.  It would be a blessing and a great relief just to relax at home.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: kckgirl on September 29, 2013, 01:08:59 PM
We have blocked off Christmas day for years to be our nuclear family only. We have a Christmas Eve candle lit ceremony we attend at church, then it is home and together until Boxing Day.


That sounds wonderful!  I wish I could spend Christmas at home with just our family; my spouse and the cats.  We've worked out an alternating Christmas tradition but we get an undue amount of flack from my side because they want both of us every year.  So long as I've been alive I've only had one set of grandparents so with only one family to visit each holiday my parents have never had to make compromises.  It's so hard to please everyone.  It would be a blessing and a great relief just to relax at home.

flickan, you actually can spend Christmas at home with just your family. Tell everybody now so they won't be surprised. You don't have to and cannot please everyone. Please yourself and enjoy the blessing and relief of relaxing at home. One family I know spends Christmas every year at home, and alternates years going to the grandparents for New Year's Day.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: JoyinVirginia on September 29, 2013, 02:10:04 PM
When the dh and I got married, we decided then told everyone that when we had children we would be home on Christmas day. We would get together and visit any other day, but that day would be home. We stuck to that until the children were teens and wanted to visit some people on that day. My folks came to our house, because we made our plans clear and did not JADE.
It may be hard the first time, but once you have had a peaceful relaxing Christmas Day at home, you never want to go back.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: gramma dishes on September 29, 2013, 02:17:36 PM
When the dh and I got married, we decided then told everyone that when we had children we would be home on Christmas day. We would get together and visit any other day, but that day would be home. We stuck to that until the children were teens and wanted to visit some people on that day. My folks came to our house, because we made our plans clear and did not JADE.
It may be hard the first time, but once you have had a peaceful relaxing Christmas Day at home, you never want to go back.

We did exactly the same thing.  We announced even before our first child was born that once we had him/her we would never again be traveling for Christmas.  If Grandparents want to come to OUR house, fine.  You will be warmly welcomed.  But we're not coming to yours!   ;D

It was fair because it applied to both families.  Like you, we stuck by it and it worked out beautifully.  We've never regretted making that decision.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Snooks on September 29, 2013, 03:12:39 PM
We've done that ever since we got married.  It's lovely because we do the day our way, we see my parents on 26th and I try to avoid seeing the in-laws at all  ;)
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: flickan on September 29, 2013, 03:16:52 PM
We have blocked off Christmas day for years to be our nuclear family only. We have a Christmas Eve candle lit ceremony we attend at church, then it is home and together until Boxing Day.


That sounds wonderful!  I wish I could spend Christmas at home with just our family; my spouse and the cats.  We've worked out an alternating Christmas tradition but we get an undue amount of flack from my side because they want both of us every year.  So long as I've been alive I've only had one set of grandparents so with only one family to visit each holiday my parents have never had to make compromises.  It's so hard to please everyone.  It would be a blessing and a great relief just to relax at home.

flickan, you actually can spend Christmas at home with just your family. Tell everybody now so they won't be surprised. You don't have to and cannot please everyone. Please yourself and enjoy the blessing and relief of relaxing at home. One family I know spends Christmas every year at home, and alternates years going to the grandparents for New Year's Day.

I am thinking about doing just that but we will have to wait a couple of years.  Reason being we are newly married and because I missed Christmas due to illness last year we have already promised my spouse's family that we will visit them this year.  The following year it must be my family but after that I will want to do a Christmas at our home.  I think the every third year tradition is the best we're going to get for now.  My spouse loves visiting his family on Christmas but is sympathetic to how stressful it is for me to be around a lot of people.  Regardless, it would be unfair of me to want to be alone every Christmas because he is just the opposite.  We don't have any children so it's simpler for us to travel to the big family Christmases and we have no space to host our own.  So here's hoping for a peaceful Christmas at home in 2015!
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: unnalee on October 08, 2013, 09:52:18 AM
None of the various parts of our families is anywhere near as pushy as Sally, thankfully!  My husband and I lived a state away from both our families for the first 8 years we were married.  We both missed home, so didn't mind the 5 hour drive (each way) to spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

But after we had kids, that drive became close to 6 or 7 hours depending on how much we had to stop and how the weather was.  We decided to take back Thanksgiving for ourselves, and were very happy.  Now that we've moved back close to our families, and have two little ones (with a third on the way) we're already telling our parents that Christmas is going to be spent at home with our kids.  We have a party with my mom's family on Christmas Eve, a party with my FIL's family on Christmas night, and one with MIL's family the weekend before Christmas. 

This is the first year that our kids will wake up on Christmas morning in their own beds, at their own house.  My husband and I both grew up spending the day with just our parent's and siblings.  We want the same for our kids.  Everyone is more than welcome to come and visit.  We'll see how much PA backlash we get as the holidays get closer.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Snooks on October 08, 2013, 10:28:18 AM
Gosh no, I've been crazy - but will try to do it this weekend. :)

Did this ever come?
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: Thipu1 on October 08, 2013, 11:03:12 AM
On both sides, my parents' families always spent Christmas in their own homes.  They both had several siblings with families of their own and everyone lived within a ten mile radius.  Everybody saw everybody else at least once a week. 

On Christmas Eve afternoon, One or two members from each household would drive around delivering presents to the others.  This was a great deal of fun for all concerned.  It was a sort of reverse trick or treating. 

On Christmas morning, there were rounds of phone calls to express thanks and give holiday greetings.  Then, each family sat down to it's own Christmas Dinner. 

Late in the afternoon, families would visit the respective Grandparents.  These were simple meetings
with cookies and tea.  Visits overlapped and, since everyone lived close together, they didn't last very long.

It was a pleasant and relaxed way to celebrate Christmas.  There were no heroic efforts required and there was minimal drama.   
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: secretrebel on October 17, 2013, 01:25:13 PM
Bumping in hope of an update.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
Post by: POF on October 18, 2013, 12:08:44 PM
FOrgive me for being updatedeliquent..... its been a whirlwind of year end at work, restructuring at work, x-country track and AAU basketball.  Then I got a nasty sinus infection. 

SO DH ( Lakehouse Sally is his sister ) told me to ignore her - she's a whackadoodle.  But he also said he would handle it.

He mentioned it to her this and said.... I know you told POF that you want everyone at your house for XMAS - but we are going to be staying home.  Her reponse ... oh.. I don't care Betty ( her daughter - my niece ) is having XMAS. 

So - non drama event......  Betty gets her way for everything and I guess she trumped her Mom.   So - no issue for me .......

POF
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS - update # 54
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on October 18, 2013, 12:39:36 PM
After all of that, and she doesn't care?  Lakehouse Sally is a pill.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS - update # 54
Post by: Sophia on October 18, 2013, 12:45:01 PM
I find it amusing that the bulldozer has been bulldozed herself. 
Mildly curious if your niece actually serves food. 
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS - update # 54
Post by: Winterlight on October 18, 2013, 01:29:32 PM
This kind of thing always boggles me, but then we lived several thousand miles away from the nearest relatives so family gatherings on holidas didn't happen. There was one big reunion on my mom's side when I was a little girl and that's it. Part of it may have been living in the 70s when people didn't just hop a plane somewhere.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS - update # 54
Post by: POF on October 18, 2013, 02:25:01 PM
I find it amusing that the bulldozer has been bulldozed herself. 
Mildly curious if your niece actually serves food.

Neice is a pretty good cook actually and we would go to her house .... but she always has way too many people for an indoor event. Plus while I really like her husband ... - his family is kind of hard to be around.  So we take a pass and I will try to go visit on a day when we can actually visit with them and play with the kids.
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS - update # 54
Post by: WillyNilly on October 18, 2013, 05:59:10 PM
I find it amusing that the bulldozer has been bulldozed herself. 
Mildly curious if your niece actually serves food.

Don't parents always want their kids to be just like them only better stronger more successful versions? Sounds like Lakehouse Sally did well in accomplishing that with her offspring!
Title: Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS - update # 54
Post by: POF on October 18, 2013, 06:43:22 PM
You are soooooo sooooooo right. 

Two of her kids are big time drama llamas like her, and all three of them are pretty entitled - lets try to one up people.  I try to be nice and like them they are family - I've just set some boundaries