Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: Clarity on September 19, 2013, 12:52:30 AM

Title: Was I rude?
Post by: Clarity on September 19, 2013, 12:52:30 AM
I was house-sitting for a friend recently. He was due home around 5 on the last evening. My plan was to go home around 3 in the afternoon as I had some things I wanted to finish up at home. He asked me to stay a little longer so we could visit and catch up. No problem, I thought, and adjusted my plans. I made enough room for me to stick around until 7.
6pm I get a text saying he's heading home soon. I call him to see what's up and I hear a mutual (local) friend of ours and his dogs in the background (it's a very distinctive sound, trust me). He says he's stuck in traffic but will be home soon, and can I wait? I told him I really must be going and left. I didn't call him on the lie or argue. I just said I had to go.
Now he's furious with me and insists that it was so rude to leave before he got there. After all, I didn't *need* to leave until 7, right?

My feeling is that he knew I was waiting expressly for him and chose to go socialize elsewhere instead. What do you think?
Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: Raintree on September 19, 2013, 01:39:55 AM
Are you sure the mutual friend and dogs weren't sitting in the car while this guy was stuck in traffic?

But I'm inclined to believe you were right to leave. You thought he was coming at 5, and he texted at 6 to say he still wasn't there. That gives you less than an hour to "catch up." You actually had wanted to leave at 3. You're off the hook in my books.
Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: PastryGoddess on September 19, 2013, 01:50:50 AM
I think you're good.  He called you an hour after he was supposed to be there to ask you to wait for him.  ::)

Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: Iris on September 19, 2013, 01:57:35 AM
Considering that he didn't even text you until an hour after he was supposed to arrive I think you're in the clear.
Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: Danika on September 19, 2013, 02:14:27 AM
Ditto the others. I would have handled it exactly as you did. And I wouldn't be nearly as willing to do him any favors in the future.
Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on September 19, 2013, 04:30:02 AM
At face value, the guy likes you so much that he really wanted to see you and talk to you.  But as soon as he didn't get his way, he turned into an angry jerk.  That's not friend behavior.  I'm wondering if there was some reason besides catching up that he wanted you to be there.  Maybe he wanted another favor.

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who don't respect my time.  It's not acceptable to expect me to wait around for hours because someone doesn't have their act together.  Lying about it makes it far worse. 

If you want to maintain this friendship, I suggest you stand up to him and tell him how you feel about his behavior.  An apology from him is in order.

Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: camlan on September 19, 2013, 05:18:14 AM
You wanted to leave at three. He asked you to stay until five, and a bit after five to catch up.

Then he texted you at six, to say he would be there "soon." And you decided to leave at that point.

Nope, not seeing the rudeness on your side.

On his side, however, there seems to be more than enough rudeness to go around.
Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: JenJay on September 19, 2013, 06:14:02 AM
I agree with everyone else that you're good. Even if he wasn't at the mutual friend's house he was still running late and you had to leave. I can understand his being disappointed, but angry? Nope.
Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: MorgnsGrl on September 19, 2013, 06:57:54 AM
I don't think you were rude. The correct time to call and tell someone that you will be late is BEFORE you are late, not after you are already an hour late!
Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: Hmmmmm on September 19, 2013, 07:41:43 AM
I don't think you were rude. The correct time to call and tell someone that you will be late is BEFORE you are late, not after you are already an hour late!
This
Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: esposita on September 19, 2013, 08:12:41 AM
Uh, yeah, sounds to me like he's mad because he screwed up and he took it out on you. Unacceptable.
Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: Another Sarah on September 19, 2013, 08:32:00 AM
I don't think you were rude. I do think he was, he made you wait around for 3 hours and you had to call him to see what the matter was?
Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: Winterlight on September 19, 2013, 08:38:33 AM
I don't think you were rude. The correct time to call and tell someone that you will be late is BEFORE you are late, not after you are already an hour late!

Agreed.
Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: metallicafan on September 19, 2013, 08:57:23 AM
I don't think you were rude. I do think he was, he made you wait around for 3 hours and you had to call him to see what the matter was?
I agree.  I don't think that you were rude.
Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: TootsNYC on September 19, 2013, 11:01:58 AM
I can't see any way in which you were rude. Even if he was stuck in traffic, you weren't rude to call and say, "I've waited and I have to leave."

(and now you know--he lies to save face. file that away for later reference.)
Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: TootsNYC on September 19, 2013, 11:04:17 AM
I don't think you were rude. I do think he was, he made you wait around for 3 hours and you had to call him to see what the matter was?

This is not completely accurate.

The friend did text to say he was running late. She just called for more details. So it's not like he left her hanging.

And she had made plans to stay until 7, and she left at 6.
However, I don't think she's at all rude to change the plans on him--even if he got there at 6:30, she'd only have a half an hour for socializing.
Title: Re: Was I rude?
Post by: Another Sarah on September 19, 2013, 11:14:29 AM
That's a fair point but I read the text as more "on my way", no apologies, as though he'd set off exactly when he intended to. I might be wrong there though, just because I have the slightly odd habit of always texting and telling people when I'm setting off doesn't mean everybody does. (I blame it on my parents making me continually late for everything ever while I was a kid until I was old enough to get places by myself)

Also I think he knew her original plan was three o'clock, if she stayed after 3 it was on his account because he asked her to and he needed to be considerate of that, which I don't think he was.