Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Holidays => Topic started by: SisJackson on October 08, 2013, 02:11:27 AM

Title: [Update] Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass" [update post 92]
Post by: SisJackson on October 08, 2013, 02:11:27 AM
I haven't been around for a while but this just cropped up in my neighborhood and thought - what better place to share!

My neighborhood is very popular with trick-or-treaters every Halloween.  I count them using an app on my phone and last year we reached almost 400 children - it was a gorgeous fall evening and we ended up closing up shop when we ran out of candy at 8:20 p.m.

A neighbor has posted fliers at the three neighborhood school bus stops offering "good" candy to trick-or-treaters who live in the neighborhood - all the kids have to do is stop by their house before Halloween with a parent to somehow get their name on a list, and then Halloween night they just get checked off the guest list, and they get premium candy, whereas all other takers get lesser offerings, presumably.

Honestly, it doesn't bother me that 90% of our trick-or-treaters are from outlying areas - the rural community isn't far from our place, where the kids don't have a safe or populated area to solicit treats, so I just resign myself to the fact that I am going to be treating mostly kids from outside the neighborhood.  If I didn't like Halloweening, I'd just shut off the lights as the vast majority of TorT'ers respect the porchlight status.

I personally think this one household/couple/family is causing more grief than needed - their home is  four doors down from ours so they're getting the same 350+ kids as us; on Halloween last year I ended up just parking on the porch rather than opening the door every 8.6 seconds and I didn't have time to vet every costumed kid that came a-knockin'.  To me it just seems to be more of a passive-aggressive statement against the packs of kids that get transported in than anything else.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: hannahmollysmom on October 08, 2013, 02:52:52 AM
Wow! That is really out there!

Before my kids were of school age, we lived in not so nice of a neighborhood. We would take them to my friends nicer street, and we would go together. The kids had fun with their friends, and we felt safer.

Eventually, we were able to move to the same neighborhood. I did not discriminate with the kids that showed up. I know many traveled to our neighborhood. That is so rude and presumptuous of your neighbor.

Halloween is for kids. Let them enjoy it!

My kids are grown now, and I work 2nd shift. I had tried leaving a bowl a couple of years, but there are always those that take it all. I no longer participate. I do miss not seeing my granddaughter trick or treat, but that is life. 
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Oh Joy on October 08, 2013, 03:24:36 AM
I see it as poor execution of a good intention.

We grew up in a similar neighborhood; most of the rural kids for many miles around were driven into town where there were several blocks of houses together.  BTW - there were no social distinctions...it was just geography.

Our doorbell hardly rang because the stream of ToTers was too steady for us to leave the door often.  We chose to buy inexpensive (but not yucky!) candy mixes because we went through so much.  But we had two other bowls out of sight: pennies for UNICEF (how old am I?) and mini chocolate bars for our neighborhood kids. 

Sometimes we missed giving the special candy to groups with we knew.  Either they were too disguised, or there were too many other kids in the surrounding herd.  But in the midst of - gladly - being used by families who couldn't reciprocate, it was meaningful to offer them what they would have gotten if we didn't live in a destination neighborhood.

So I give your neighbors a pass for what they're trying to do.  But their tactics unfortunately are more divisive and awkward.  I hope they find a better system next year.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: MorgnsGrl on October 08, 2013, 05:43:57 AM
I feel for kids who live in neighborhoods where it is unsafe to walk on the street or go trick or treating, and I don't blame their parents for wanting to take them somewhere they can have a safe experience. In my book, if you wear a costume, you get candy. This includes teens who some might think are "too old" to be trick or treating, and adults. Costume = candy. I can't be bothered differentiating between kids who live on our street vs the next street over vs across town or even from a different town. (Last year my son trick or treated in my mom's neighborhood, four towns away, on Halloween night because our own trick or treating was postponed due to a bad storm that took out a lot of electricity. I didn't feel bad about it. My mom's been handing out candy for 25+ years since my brother and I moved out.) If a kid we love came to our door when no other kids were within hearing distance, I'd probably tell them to take an extra candy or two, but that's as far as I'd take the "good candy for our own kids" scenario.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 08, 2013, 05:52:10 AM
I'm honestly not bothered at all by people traveling to trick or treating.  There are kids I'm sure who come in from surrounding farms and I have no way of telling, what with masks and such, who's from our neighborhood and who isn't.   And sure there are kids who might try to double dip by going ToT in their neighborhood and then someone else's but really, how would you know if that Grim Reaper has already been ToT'ing across town?

Last year I had to go out and buy more candy so this year we'll probably end up buying some more off the bat but I just don't think this idea of the neighbors sounds very kind.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: KenveeB on October 08, 2013, 07:14:57 AM
The only candy distinguishing I do on Halloween is "the more I like your costume, the more candy you get." :)  I don't blame someone for wanting to give nicer candy to the kids they know, but they was a very ham-handed way of going about it. I'd be a bit creeped out as a parent putting my child on some neighbor's "registry"! If Neighbor doesn't know the kids in their own neighborhood well enough to recognize them and give out better candy, then what's the difference between them and some kids from outside the neighborhood?
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: auntmeegs on October 08, 2013, 08:06:01 AM
Oh for heavenís sake, give out candy or donít give out candy.  There is no need to complicate the whole thing by creating tiered levels of candy giving.  How ridiculous. 
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Zilla on October 08, 2013, 08:09:11 AM
Was wondering if there was going to be a thread on Halloween candy.  >:D


This one is interesting, I never heard of being on the "list" to get special candy!  That's kind of mind boggling too.  I live in a community where a lot of kids get "trucked" in to ToT.  I wish otherwise but I can't control the public so I just buy what I can and give out what I can and turn off my light.  I don't worry about it and I don't do elaborate schemes as your neighbor did to ensure only "local" kids get the good stuff.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: lowspark on October 08, 2013, 08:20:23 AM
I wonder if they've done this before. It seems like it's going to be a logistical nightmare. With 350+ kids showing up, are they going to make these kids line up while they check the list for their name? And the kids are going to try to make the adult understand their name, while they are saying it from behind a mask, while several other fidgety kids are standing behind them talking loudly and getting more impatient?

As a parent, whether I live in the neighborhood or not, I'd make sure to skip that house. There's plenty of "good" candy to be had without jumping through hoops to get it. Not to mention the message it sends to these kids!

Oh for heaven’s sake, give out candy or don’t give out candy.  There is no need to complicate the whole thing by creating tiered levels of candy giving.  How ridiculous. 

Exactly.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Hmmmmm on October 08, 2013, 08:32:06 AM
I think it's really weird. I can't figure out the logistics. I would never pre register my kids first of all.

But are they really going stand there with a clipboard asking every name?
If your a neighbor who doesn't know a about their plan how are you going to feel when your kids come home and tell you about the neighbors asking every kid their name?
What happens if Nancy's mom pre-registers but Timmy's doesn't and they go trick or treating together? Nancy gets the good stuff and Timmy gets the inferior offering?

I don't have a problem with the 100s of out of neighborhood kids who's parents drive them to our neighborhood. But I do give more candy to the kids I know.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Winterlight on October 08, 2013, 08:39:33 AM
Oh for heavenís sake, give out candy or donít give out candy.  There is no need to complicate the whole thing by creating tiered levels of candy giving.  How ridiculous.

Agreed. Especially if you're talking about hundreds of kids. That's going to get messy fast.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Kaypeep on October 08, 2013, 08:44:48 AM
I think the pre-registration idea is very odd, and will lead to more problems than it's worth.

However, I also grew up on a street that was very desirable and we got way more TOTers year after year and they were not from our neighborhood.  However, what stood out to me was the non-residents were more polite, actually said "Trick or Treat" and "thank you" whereas most neighborhood kids just stood their with their bag open, silently.   ::)

What bothered me even more were adults in costume demanding candy, either alone or carrying a baby in costume.  The baby was not going to eat that candy, and I resented giving it to an adult because it meant I'd run out and leave some kids empty handed later.

I live in an apartment building now, and just put a sign on the door that I don't have anything and I just skip Halloween now.  It's too much trouble to keep going back and forth to the door all night.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Luci on October 08, 2013, 08:56:26 AM
One year one set of our grandkids stayed the weekend end with the other set and they went trick or treating together. The all live in the same type of neighborhood. How would the neighbors handle that?

The logistics of this are ridiculous. Hand out coupons if you are going to do it, but I still don't think it's right.

We used to live in a destination neighborhood and it didn't bother me to treat kids I didn't know. Heck, they are all kids just participating in a generations' old tradition in the US.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Deetee on October 08, 2013, 09:16:28 AM
Oh for heavenís sake, give out candy or donít give out candy.  There is no need to complicate the whole thing by creating tiered levels of candy giving.  How ridiculous.

100% this.

The idea is logistically ridiculous. And one bit of better candy does not matter much in the whole Halloween candy haul.

As a parent, I would roll my eyes and just avoid the house entirely. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable.

Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Spring Water on Sundays on October 08, 2013, 09:18:43 AM
Wow. That seems like a lot of extra work for everyone involved.

More work for the parents who have to cart their kids to that specific neighbor's house TWICE (once to "pre-register" and once to collect). More work for the kids who have to wait in line while their names are searched for and checked off from the list. More work for the homeowner who has to create and maintain this ridiculous list while trying to hand out candy to 350+ kids, as well as dealing with confusion and hurt feelings/anger from the kids/parents who didn't know to pre-register. Stupid.

ETA: So flyers are posted at bus stops. Not every kid rides the bus! Some kids are home schooled, or go to private schools (a lot of which don't run busses), or their parents drive them. How are those kids in the neighborhood supposed to know to "pre-register" for the good candy?
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: MorgnsGrl on October 08, 2013, 09:20:46 AM
Oh for heavenís sake, give out candy or donít give out candy.  There is no need to complicate the whole thing by creating tiered levels of candy giving.  How ridiculous.

100% this.

The idea is logistically ridiculous. And one bit of better candy does not matter much in the whole Halloween candy haul.

As a parent, I would roll my eyes and just avoid the house entirely. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable.

Exactly. What would you do if your kid's friend from another neighborhood went trick or treating with your kid? "Oh, sorry, Johnny, you only get a dum-dum because you don't live here. Billy gets a full sized Hershey's bar." UGH. And what happens when a non-neighborhood kid sees a neighborhood kid getting the "good" candy and asks why he can't have one? It all seems like a nightmare to me.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Thipu1 on October 08, 2013, 10:43:16 AM
This is one of those ideas that sound great at the time but is more trouble than it's worth. 

Either neighbor is a a control freak or has way too much time on his hands. 
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Sharnita on October 08, 2013, 10:46:42 AM
"As soon as the DNA results come back, you'll get that Kit-Kat."
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: SlitherHiss on October 08, 2013, 10:50:18 AM
Oh for heavenís sake, give out candy or donít give out candy.  There is no need to complicate the whole thing by creating tiered levels of candy giving.  How ridiculous.

100% this.

The idea is logistically ridiculous. And one bit of better candy does not matter much in the whole Halloween candy haul.

As a parent, I would roll my eyes and just avoid the house entirely. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable.

Exactly. What would you do if your kid's friend from another neighborhood went trick or treating with your kid? "Oh, sorry, Johnny, you only get a dum-dum because you don't live here. Billy gets a full sized Hershey's bar." UGH. And what happens when a non-neighborhood kid sees a neighborhood kid getting the "good" candy and asks why he can't have one? It all seems like a nightmare to me.

This. It's just an all-around terrible idea.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: rose red on October 08, 2013, 10:52:05 AM
I had no idea the Grinch also stole Halloween.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on October 08, 2013, 11:02:41 AM
I was a kid who went to other neighborhoods to trick or treat. I know. The shame. The horror. I grew up in apartments, no one handed out candy really. So I'd head off to one of my friends' houses, in the nice neighborhoods, and go begging for candy door to door. It was tons of fun, I don't have siblings so I got to go around with my friends and then we'd go back to their house, get our candy checked (razor blades and such), and then start swapping until we had just what we liked.

As an adult I love to hand out candy. I love seeing the kids costumes, and even meeting people who live around us. Of course we live in a townhouse community so we don't get a lot of ToTing so we've gone to friends houses to pass out candy before. I do give more candy for more creative costumes (zombie fairy princess got a huge handful last year, huge), and saying please/thank you/trick or treat (as long as old enough to do so) can also result in more candy (even a vague attempt, or polite smile if child is shy/developmentally challenged results in more candy).

I do say just as soon as we become wealthy we'll start passing out full sized candy bars. And I don't care which neighborhood you're from.

As for the guest list...that sounds excruciatingly complicated. Does the kid give you there name day of? What if someone who isn't in the neighborhood still gets on the guest list? I mean the signs are posted in public places. Do the parents have to show proof of residency?

Oh, we do make one distinction. When little little ones come to the door, like not even 2, we give them these little coloring books over candy (usually the parents are just bringing them by to show off their cuteness or with an older sibling). And there is one girl in community that has several food issues, so while her parents take her around, she doesn't get to enjoy the majority of her candy (she brings it to her parents' work and hands it out to the people who work there), so she gets a coloring book too (and some candy, her parents have said she loves handing out to their co-workers).
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: rose red on October 08, 2013, 11:15:56 AM
TorT may be a "safe" environment, but I don't want to teach my kid to give our their name to a stranger promising candy when it's not Halloween.  I'm sure most kids are smart, but you never know.  What are they going to think after you give permission to blurt out your name to an entire neighborhood and get rewarded for it?
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: alkira6 on October 08, 2013, 11:21:36 AM
Dang - that strikes me as kind of, well, special.  We get a lot of TOTs and we do what we do every year- Buy a crapload of candy, give it out until it's gone, then turn off the lights and watch a movie.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: lakey on October 08, 2013, 11:45:20 AM
I pass out treats at my elderly dad's house. His home is near a cross street where people in cars stop to drop off whole SUV's full of kids. Honestly, it doesn't bother me. Just as it doesn't bother me when teen-agers trick or treat. With the teen-agers I feel that there are a lot worse things they could be doing than trying to get some free candy. The kids who are dropped off? If they live in a rural area, what are they supposed to do, go to 5 houses?

I think that a woman who would go to this amount of trouble to limit the premium treats to neighborhood kids must lead a really sad life. A flier, people signing up beforehand, keeping a checklist? It's once a year, just have fun with it. I'd rather focus on the toddlers in their cute costumes than try to decide who is worthy and who isn't.

If it's a financial issue, buy cheaper candy. In thirty something years I've never had a child make a rude remark because the candy wasn't good enough. And I sometimes put together little treat bags with a few different things in them. When I start running low I end up giving out a small sucker or a piece of bubblegum so I don't have to turn kids away. I've never heard a complaint.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: shhh its me on October 08, 2013, 12:03:40 PM
I'm trying to decide if its actually rude or just bizarre.   I'm leaning towards rude.....I think inventing a serious amount of red tape and what will obviously cause a bottle neck at their home for you and only you that goes against a multi generational tradition if a little rude. Also how publicly will they be giving out different candy as in the PP example.
 
I think many parents will be put off by a stranger in the neighborhood asking for their children's names to put on a list.

My community now doesn't do trick or treating there is a party for the kids though. When I lived where there was TOT I had an eternal standard for how much candy I gave out.  Polite kids , best customs , little kids with not much candy , immigrates with babies and a look of slightly perplexed excitement and joy always got a little more.  BUT I dint give more in a way that was other TOTs saw , everyone at the door at the same time got about the same amount.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: MyFamily on October 08, 2013, 12:18:24 PM
I pass out treats at my elderly dad's house. His home is near a cross street where people in cars stop to drop off whole SUV's full of kids. Honestly, it doesn't bother me. Just as it doesn't bother me when teen-agers trick or treat. With the teen-agers I feel that there are a lot worse things they could be doing than trying to get some free candy. The kids who are dropped off? If they live in a rural area, what are they supposed to do, go to 5 houses?

I think that a woman who would go to this amount of trouble to limit the premium treats to neighborhood kids must lead a really sad life. A flier, people signing up beforehand, keeping a checklist? It's once a year, just have fun with it. I'd rather focus on the toddlers in their cute costumes than try to decide who is worthy and who isn't.

If it's a financial issue, buy cheaper candy. In thirty something years I've never had a child make a rude remark because the candy wasn't good enough. And I sometimes put together little treat bags with a few different things in them. When I start running low I end up giving out a small sucker or a piece of bubblegum so I don't have to turn kids away. I've never heard a complaint.

Funny, I was imagining this was a man doing this - probably a big boss at a company who recently retired and dang-nabbit, we spend how much on candy and most of it goes to people who don't even live in our neighborhood?  I know what I'll do - I will create a policy that will help streamline and make it better - who cares about all the potential pitfalls and problems this is causing, I'm the boss and I know how to streamline things.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: NyaChan on October 08, 2013, 12:23:40 PM
I'm just imagining the tears and/or tantrums that are going to result when very excited children with sugar in their systems realize that they aren't one of the chosen.  Not nice to publicly differentiate this way IMO - if you want to only treat your neighborhood, have a Halloween Party with an invite list.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: lowspark on October 08, 2013, 02:09:20 PM
Back when I was a kid trick-or-treating (back in the 60s!), there used to be truckloads of kids getting dropped off in my neighborhood to make the rounds. This is nothing new. Ya gotta go where the candy is. That's the whole point.

I used to know someone who was really into Halloween. She decorated (probably still does) her house to the teeth. She started preparing weeks in advance, stuffing packets with candy (each packet had maybe four different candy items) to hand out. She (with help from her family) made hundreds. People would come from all over to trick or treat at her house -- it was sort of famous in the area.

She was all about the fun of the holiday and the thrill the kids got from all her decorations and the candy. Instead of turning away kids who didn't live in her neighborhood, she actually courted them.

We're like alkira6. I buy a boatload of candy, hand it all out, then turn out the lights. Funny thing is, since we bought this house 15 years ago, our customer count has fluctuated but the last few years we seem to have been on an upswing. Every year I buy more candy and every year it seems to get busier. Lots of kiddies in the neighborhood these days, I suppose, or else being bussed in, LOL!
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: FauxFoodist on October 08, 2013, 02:32:06 PM
Oh for heavenís sake, give out candy or donít give out candy.  There is no need to complicate the whole thing by creating tiered levels of candy giving.  How ridiculous.

I'd have to agree.  Last year, DH (then-DF) was a bit of a grump when it came to handing out candy (which is super-strange because, normally, *I* am the one who is harder on EVERYONE else in life, while he is generous-to-a-fault).  He was complaining about kids who came to the door not wearing costumes and felt they shouldn't get any candy.  He was mean (I thought mean) to one young kid who asked nicely, "May I have a Kit Kat?"  He told the kid, "You get what I give you" and gave him something else.  I was really taken aback.  I asked him how it would've hurt to give the kid a Kit Kat?  DH felt it was rude and presumptuous to ask.  I didn't see what the big deal is as there were also Kit Kats available.  I also pointed out that it wouldn't do for us to be known as the "house with the mean man" as we don't exactly live in the best of neighborhoods and, also, I don't want to one day find our house has been tp'd.

And, now that this thread has reminded me I need to pick up candy for this year (we weren't prepared for the huge number of kids last year, which was about 350, so we ran out of candy early on).
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Miss March on October 08, 2013, 02:36:57 PM
I live in a rural town and the way things are run here, only one certain stretch of road is open for trick or treating. Literally, town announcements are sent out that Trick or Treating will be held on "North Road" from 6pm- 8pm. The road is closed to traffic and the kids only go to houses along that stretch- no where else in town. Because the people who live on that road face such a high demand of children, flyers are also sent out asking every parent to donate at least 20 pieces of candy per child who will be trick or treating. Candy donations are collected at the town library and then distributed among the houses on North Street. I'm actually always a little sad that the kids don't come down my street.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: siamesecat2965 on October 08, 2013, 02:46:00 PM
I can remember trick or treating with friends, sometimes in MY neighborhood, or sometimes in theirs, it relaly all depended on where were felt like going. No one cared that one of us didn't live in the actual neighborhood. I now live in an apt, and while I don't give out candy since i am on the second floor, and it would mean running up and down stairs constantly, my downstairs neighbor does. I'll sometimes sit with her and "help"  Neither of us cares which apt the kids live in! We just like seeing them in costume!  and if i had a house, if i were giving out candy, it wouldn't occur to me to find out where they lived, whether it be down the street, or across town.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Klea on October 08, 2013, 04:38:25 PM
I don't live in a country that makes a big deal out of Halloween, so have no experience with issues surrounding trick-or-treating.

From an outsider perspective, this neighbour's plan seems unnecessarily exclusionary. Little children do not understand issues like treat prices, or distinctions between neighbourhood kids vs non-neighbourhood kids and a hierarchy of treats. All they will see is that their friend received special treats while they got something plain, leading to hurt feelings or conflict. So, all the kids should receive the same levels of treats (however special treats for exceptional costumes, younger kids/older kids etc is understandable and fine IMO).

Also, the neighbours request for kids to pre-register seems a little bit off and I think parents would be cautious about disclosing that information. Also, what a pain to have to check the names of 300+ kids!
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: squeakers on October 08, 2013, 04:55:00 PM
Wouldn't it just be easier if the neighbor threw a neighborhood party not on the day of ToT and hand out candy to the kids then?

Kids love to get to wear their costumes more than once, no need to do a checklist and getting to know the neighbors can be a good thing.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: EllenS on October 08, 2013, 05:47:56 PM
Okay, I know I am a paranoid so-and-so.

But am I the only one who wondered, "gee, I wonder why these people are so interested in gathering a list of kids who live nearby, and ingratiating themselves with the kids and their families as The Nice Neighbor Who Gives Good Candy?"

My DH is in marketing, and so much of it is about creating a group of "insiders" who willingly give up their info in order to get special treats - so you can then use that info later, and make them more open to your solicitations.

So are these neighbors going to be soliciting for Amway, or a political campaign, or ....something worse?
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: kherbert05 on October 08, 2013, 06:04:50 PM
I can see this really backfiring with nastyness if people figure this out.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: #borecore on October 08, 2013, 06:11:18 PM
Okay, I know I am a paranoid so-and-so.

But am I the only one who wondered, "gee, I wonder why these people are so interested in gathering a list of kids who live nearby, and ingratiating themselves with the kids and their families as The Nice Neighbor Who Gives Good Candy?"

My DH is in marketing, and so much of it is about creating a group of "insiders" who willingly give up their info in order to get special treats - so you can then use that info later, and make them more open to your solicitations.

So are these neighbors going to be soliciting for Amway, or a political campaign, or ....something worse?

No, I admit my first thought was, "What kind of a person wants a LIST of all the families with small children within a few blocks of their house?"

It might not be the most charitable thought, but I am having trouble being very charitable about such a curmudgeonly idea. Nobody is forced to give out Halloween candy, for goodness' sake!
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Bluenomi on October 08, 2013, 06:54:36 PM
All it is going to take is one smart kid with a camera phone to take a photo of said flyer and post it on the internet and they are suddendly going to have a lot more people pre registering than they expected  >:D
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: doodlemor on October 08, 2013, 07:49:42 PM
All it is going to take is one smart kid with a camera phone to take a photo of said flyer and post it on the internet and they are suddendly going to have a lot more people pre registering than they expected  >:D

Or, it could end up going viral and the neighbors will be publicly ridiculed over the internet.

What a strange, creepy idea - an A list and a B list for Halloween candy.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: bonyk on October 08, 2013, 08:13:42 PM
I would skip that house.  Too much work.  As for the homeowner, if you don't like giving out candy, just stop.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: CreteGirl on October 08, 2013, 08:25:15 PM
Yep, my first thought was it is some type of marketing scheme.  When the parent arrive with their kids, they may be "treated" to some type of sales pitch.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: violetminnow on October 08, 2013, 08:42:51 PM
When I was a teenager we had an A list and B list candy bowl. We had them near each other at the door and would grab one after we opened the door. A list was for young kids and had fun sized chocolate bars of various types.  B list was for older teens and had hard candies like the tiny round foil chocolates, jolly ranchers, and smarties.  >:D

I wasn't allowed to trick or treat after 12 and didn't really like giving out candy to other kids my age or older who still were allowed to go.

They were never super bad or insulting candies in the B list, just not quite as good. Also if you were an older teen, but you came with a bunch of littles you got A list, cause you were playing by the rules and using taking younger siblings or cousins out as an excuse to trick or treat.

I think our system would work better (and be less creepy) than having a list of the neighborhood children. We never got egged. I think my Mom has stopped since I moved out and stopped being a snarky teen, but she still doesn't approve of trick or treating as a teenager.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Luci on October 08, 2013, 08:46:37 PM
I had no idea the Grinch also stole Halloween.

 ;D  ;D  ;D  >:(

This cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh.

Someone said that when she got comfortable financially, she would give out full sized candy bars. Both happened to me at the same time, and I do! Unfortunately, we are one of 3 houses on the boulevard, so few people bother with us. I make it worth their while!

A friend once accidentally got two copies of a highly popular computer game and the company that made the error didn't want it back. He had a lone teen come to his house, asked the kid if he was into computer games and if he needed this game. Wow! Coolest thing ever for both friend and teen.

I already posted that I would never do this tier thing with Halloween, and I would never 'register' my kids for the A List treats. Probably skip the house altogether.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: *inviteseller on October 08, 2013, 09:06:52 PM
Registering for the good stuff?  Oh deities what is wrong with these people???   If they want to pick and choose who gets what, why not just do what my sister's neighbor does and make special bags for certain kids and give them out ahead of time?  Since older DD was little, we have always gone to my sister's neighborhood.  It started because when she was 2-3, we lived in a neighborhood that was all apartments and walking up and down steps would have lasted about 10 minutes, but then I was in a decent neighborhood after but sister loved having her come over and the neighbors all knew us.  I would avoid that house for fear my kids wouldn't make the cut for the 'good stuff'.  And TBH, my kids think everything except raisins are good.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Paper Roses on October 09, 2013, 02:43:47 AM
Ok, so then Halloween comes, and you get this steady stream of kids of all ages.  Every once in a while, someone yells out "Trick or Treat!  Oh, and I pre-registered!"  And now the person at the door has to stop everything and check the list.  And if the kid's on it, he or she gets "the good stuff."  And this happens in full view of people who didn't know about the pre-registering bit.  So they start asking.  And now this family has a big crowd in front of their house; some are pre-registered, some aren't, some are asking, some are answering.  But, as is the nature of large crowds passing along information, not everyone is getting the full story.  So they're asking again.  And some people are voicing their disagreement with the "policy."  And some kids are saying they pre-registered, but their name isn't on the list.  Or it's there, but it's been checked off already, so they're being accused of double dipping.  So the next year, the family decides to install one of those fingerprint reading machines like they have at the entrances to the Disney parks.  And then we find that some kids are pre-registering more than once and with different names.  And if you didn't pre-register but you live close by, you can still get a good treat, but you have to swear that you are telling the truth and sign and have notarized an affidavit saying that you agree to the terms and conditions of the contract and you will give back the candy if and when someone is able to prove that you actually did pre-register AND already got good candy.

Honestly, this is way too much effort for something that's supposed to be fun. 
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 09, 2013, 07:02:45 AM
Ok, so then Halloween comes, and you get this steady stream of kids of all ages.  Every once in a while, someone yells out "Trick or Treat!  Oh, and I pre-registered!"  And now the person at the door has to stop everything and check the list.  And if the kid's on it, he or she gets "the good stuff."  And this happens in full view of people who didn't know about the pre-registering bit.  So they start asking.  And now this family has a big crowd in front of their house; some are pre-registered, some aren't, some are asking, some are answering.  But, as is the nature of large crowds passing along information, not everyone is getting the full story.  So they're asking again.  And some people are voicing their disagreement with the "policy."  And some kids are saying they pre-registered, but their name isn't on the list.  Or it's there, but it's been checked off already, so they're being accused of double dipping.  So the next year, the family decides to install one of those fingerprint reading machines like they have at the entrances to the Disney parks.  And then we find that some kids are pre-registering more than once and with different names.  And if you didn't pre-register but you live close by, you can still get a good treat, but you have to swear that you are telling the truth and sign and have notarized an affidavit saying that you agree to the terms and conditions of the contract and you will give back the candy if and when someone is able to prove that you actually did pre-register AND already got good candy.

Honestly, this is way too much effort for something that's supposed to be fun.

And that's it in a nutshell!
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Kiara on October 09, 2013, 08:33:15 AM
Ok, so then Halloween comes, and you get this steady stream of kids of all ages.  Every once in a while, someone yells out "Trick or Treat!  Oh, and I pre-registered!"  And now the person at the door has to stop everything and check the list.  And if the kid's on it, he or she gets "the good stuff."  And this happens in full view of people who didn't know about the pre-registering bit.  So they start asking.  And now this family has a big crowd in front of their house; some are pre-registered, some aren't, some are asking, some are answering.  But, as is the nature of large crowds passing along information, not everyone is getting the full story.  So they're asking again.  And some people are voicing their disagreement with the "policy."  And some kids are saying they pre-registered, but their name isn't on the list.  Or it's there, but it's been checked off already, so they're being accused of double dipping.  So the next year, the family decides to install one of those fingerprint reading machines like they have at the entrances to the Disney parks.  And then we find that some kids are pre-registering more than once and with different names.  And if you didn't pre-register but you live close by, you can still get a good treat, but you have to swear that you are telling the truth and sign and have notarized an affidavit saying that you agree to the terms and conditions of the contract and you will give back the candy if and when someone is able to prove that you actually did pre-register AND already got good candy.

Honestly, this is way too much effort for something that's supposed to be fun.

And that's it in a nutshell!

Amen.  Good gravy.  Halloween should be simple.  You go out, buy candy, and give it out.  I'm single, and I don't want kids even if I was married.  So Halloween's fun for ME is giving out stuff.  I buy Milky Ways and 3 Musketeers (the snack size ones) and hand 'em out to everyone.  Some of the kids who come by don't have great costumes....I don't care.  We have princesses, businessmen (borrowing dad's tie), kids in their football uniform, ninjas....I even give to the parents sometimes.  (One poor woman was wrangling six 8 year old boys by herself.  I asked her if she wanted some.)

Halloween should be one of the simplest holidays ever.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Zilla on October 09, 2013, 08:43:16 AM
I thought of this thread.  I just saw in another forum where they want to post signs at the entrance of their communities that will be well lit and said, "If you don't live here, please don't trick or treat.  Thank you".


Yeah, that's really going to stop people.  ::)   It's funny how heated people get at this time of the year.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Isisnin on October 09, 2013, 09:04:44 AM
I thought of this thread.  I just saw in another forum where they want to post signs at the entrance of their communities that will be well lit and said, "If you don't live here, please don't trick or treat.  Thank you".

Yeah, that's really going to stop people.  ::)   It's funny how heated people get at this time of the year.

They should add to that sign..."Please don't egg this sign."

Doubt that'll work though.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Venus193 on October 09, 2013, 09:12:41 AM
I haven't had kids at the door since the 80s, mainly because I live in a 4th floor walk-up.  One of my friends lives in a  high-rise co-op (27 floors) with the following policy:

1.  Children from the building only (There is a lobby attendant to help with this).
2.  Households wishing to participate are required to sign up by X date.  They will receive a door decoration indicating that they are a participating household.
3.  Hours for participation are set.
4.  Information is distributed to parents.

No need to complicate it further.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Zilla on October 09, 2013, 09:21:24 AM
I thought of this thread.  I just saw in another forum where they want to post signs at the entrance of their communities that will be well lit and said, "If you don't live here, please don't trick or treat.  Thank you".

Yeah, that's really going to stop people.  ::)   It's funny how heated people get at this time of the year.

They should add to that sign..."Please don't egg this sign."

Doubt that'll work though.


I also neglected to mention they also wanted to put it right above the No Solicitors allowed sign with an arrow pointing to it.  The thread is full of claims of trespassing etc. 
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: MayHug on October 09, 2013, 09:34:40 AM
I'm probably in the minority but we once lived in a neighborhood that was full of "trucked in" kids. While I would never do what the ops neighbor did, I did get very frustrated. The first year we had three-four hundred ToTer's and we ran out of candy. We turned out our porch light, kids still banged on our door. We turned out the inside lights and we had people (kids and adults) banging on our door and screaming at us. It was very scary for our kids who were little at the time. The next few years we lived there, we had to send our kids away and my husband stayed at the house with the lights out. We still got people being angry and were honestly afraid things would escalate. We weren't the only ones who had problems but complaining, even to the police, made us look like grinches. :-(
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: lowspark on October 09, 2013, 09:48:22 AM
That's terrible MayHug but it's not something that all transferred in kids do. We have kids who get dropped off into our neighborhood and I've never had this happen. When we run out, we turn off the porch light and it's a done deal. We are sitting in living room watching TV so it's clear that someone is home, but the porch light is the indicator of whether there's candy available or not.

It sounds like this was a particularly rough bunch. Maybe you could have gotten together with your neighbors (who must have experienced the same thing?) and reported it to the police together.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: TootsNYC on October 09, 2013, 02:04:19 PM
I haven't had kids at the door since the 80s, mainly because I live in a 4th floor walk-up.  One of my friends lives in a  high-rise co-op (27 floors) with the following policy:

1.  Children from the building only (There is a lobby attendant to help with this).
2.  Households wishing to participate are required to sign up by X date.  They will receive a door decoration indicating that they are a participating household.
3.  Hours for participation are set.
4.  Information is distributed to parents.

No need to complicate it further.

This can't possibly apply to the OP's story--that high-rise is in no way analagous to a neighborhood.

Oh, except that the high-rise residents *also* only wish to "play the game" with kids who live in their neighborhood. So they *have* "complicated it" in exactly the way that the OP's neighbors have.

They simply have better tools (four walls and a doorman).

If someone is feeling really taken advantage of by having hordes of kids who have no connection to them, coming by, perhaps they'd have a happier Halloween night if they simply approached all their actual neighbors to say, "We're not going to give out candy, but we really want to see your kids' costumes, so have them stop by to see us before they go to the rest of the nabe." And get some full-size candy bars to pass out to them.

I was not allowed to trick-or-treat; my mom thought it was greedy, I think, or too risky in terms of misbehavior, etc. But my neighbor lady always insisted that we had to come show her our costumes (we did dress up, for school and for giving out candy), and she gave us some candy from her stash.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: hannahmollysmom on October 10, 2013, 02:12:29 AM
My daughter takes my granddaughter back to our old neighborhood. Not so much for the candy, but to show her to the old neighbors. This year might be different though, as my granddaughter has a taste for candy now!

I'm making her costume and I can't wait for Halloween. That is what it is all about, children enjoying themselves!
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: pinkflamingo on October 10, 2013, 12:32:35 PM
My neighborhood is within walking distance of three elementary schools, a middle school, and the border of two different towns, so we get a lot of kids transported in from other areas. I don't really care where the kids are from as long as they're in costume and polite. Thankfully, most of them are. I've had a few people knock on the door after I've turned the lights out, but they've all taken it well when I told them that I'm out of candy.

I do like the idea of the A bowl for little kids and the B bowl for teens. I'm not organized enough for that, so maybe I'll just start heckling the ones who feel that a Batman t-shirt is a sufficient costume.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: KenveeB on October 10, 2013, 01:09:23 PM
I do like the idea of the A bowl for little kids and the B bowl for teens. I'm not organized enough for that, so maybe I'll just start heckling the ones who feel that a Batman t-shirt is a sufficient costume.

Mine is all in one bowl, I just pay attention to what I pull out. No costume gets one piece of blah candy. Any costume gets 2-3 pieces of regular candy. (And I'm lenient -- even if you're not really dressed up, if you can give me any kind of explanation of what you are, you're considered a costume.) Creative costumes and ones I really like get extra candy. :)
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on October 10, 2013, 01:15:42 PM
My neighborhood is within walking distance of three elementary schools, a middle school, and the border of two different towns, so we get a lot of kids transported in from other areas. I don't really care where the kids are from as long as they're in costume and polite. Thankfully, most of them are. I've had a few people knock on the door after I've turned the lights out, but they've all taken it well when I told them that I'm out of candy.

I do like the idea of the A bowl for little kids and the B bowl for teens. I'm not organized enough for that, so maybe I'll just start heckling the ones who feel that a Batman t-shirt is a sufficient costume.

This actually reminded me of a kid who came by year before last, he was dressed in a little suit, hair slicked back, might've been 6 or 7. So we ask if he's a lawyer or a business man and he goes "Well...kind of...can you keep a secret?" so we nod and he motions us closer and whispers "I'm batman! Shh...secret" and then stands up straight and says "I'm Bruce Wayne, I run Wayne Industries". He got so much candy from us!
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: hobish on October 10, 2013, 01:33:37 PM

In my world Halloween is for everybody, not just kids and not just some kids but not others; but this sounds like good intentions gone really awry.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: MyFamily on October 10, 2013, 01:53:19 PM
This actually reminded me of a kid who came by year before last, he was dressed in a little suit, hair slicked back, might've been 6 or 7. So we ask if he's a lawyer or a business man and he goes "Well...kind of...can you keep a secret?" so we nod and he motions us closer and whispers "I'm batman! Shh...secret" and then stands up straight and says "I'm Bruce Wayne, I run Wayne Industries". He got so much candy from us!

Where is the LOVE button?  So freaking cute!!
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: TootsNYC on October 10, 2013, 01:55:29 PM
This actually reminded me of a kid who came by year before last, he was dressed in a little suit, hair slicked back, might've been 6 or 7. So we ask if he's a lawyer or a business man and he goes "Well...kind of...can you keep a secret?" so we nod and he motions us closer and whispers "I'm batman! Shh...secret" and then stands up straight and says "I'm Bruce Wayne, I run Wayne Industries". He got so much candy from us!

Where is the LOVE button?  So freaking cute!!

I am over the MOON about this one!
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on October 10, 2013, 02:01:31 PM
This actually reminded me of a kid who came by year before last, he was dressed in a little suit, hair slicked back, might've been 6 or 7. So we ask if he's a lawyer or a business man and he goes "Well...kind of...can you keep a secret?" so we nod and he motions us closer and whispers "I'm batman! Shh...secret" and then stands up straight and says "I'm Bruce Wayne, I run Wayne Industries". He got so much candy from us!

Where is the LOVE button?  So freaking cute!!

I am over the MOON about this one!

Right! I told Partner after they left "Ok, if we can get one like that, I'm in for the kid thing". Last year he was Clark Kent, same suit but with glasses, and he unbuttoned his shirt a little to show us the big S on it. I'm hoping for Tony Stark this year.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: pinkflamingo on October 10, 2013, 02:08:30 PM
This actually reminded me of a kid who came by year before last, he was dressed in a little suit, hair slicked back, might've been 6 or 7. So we ask if he's a lawyer or a business man and he goes "Well...kind of...can you keep a secret?" so we nod and he motions us closer and whispers "I'm batman! Shh...secret" and then stands up straight and says "I'm Bruce Wayne, I run Wayne Industries". He got so much candy from us!

Where is the LOVE button?  So freaking cute!!

I am over the MOON about this one!

Right! I told Partner after they left "Ok, if we can get one like that, I'm in for the kid thing". Last year he was Clark Kent, same suit but with glasses, and he unbuttoned his shirt a little to show us the big S on it. I'm hoping for Tony Stark this year.

I love this kid. He would definitely get extra candy from me!
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Editeer on October 10, 2013, 02:12:32 PM
I'm probably in the minority but we once lived in a neighborhood that was full of "trucked in" kids. While I would never do what the ops neighbor did, I did get very frustrated. The first year we had three-four hundred ToTer's and we ran out of candy. We turned out our porch light, kids still banged on our door. We turned out the inside lights and we had people (kids and adults) banging on our door and screaming at us. It was very scary for our kids who were little at the time. The next few years we lived there, we had to send our kids away and my husband stayed at the house with the lights out. We still got people being angry and were honestly afraid things would escalate. We weren't the only ones who had problems but complaining, even to the police, made us look like grinches. :-(


You aren't alone. Before we moved to our current neighborhood, they had a couple of episodes with kids brought in from other areas. Many of the kids (and accompanying adults) behaved like those you describe. Our elderly neighbors said it was scary and unpleasant--instead of enjoying the visits with kids he mostly knew (or had seen around), he felt threatened by strangers demanding he hand over the candy. Our neighborhood now holds a "spirit night" at someone's house, where the kids can enjoy Halloween games and such.

I'm glad most posters have had good experiences, but I also understand where the neighbor in the OP is coming from (though his solution seems really unworkable).
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Girly on October 14, 2013, 02:27:51 PM
I live in a rural area, and we get a lot of kids driven in. I really only have two complaints -

One: the parents that drive in their cars right behind their walking kids. Seriously? Our neighborhood is 1.8 miles. Get out and walk with them and stop being a danger to all the other kids walking around.
Two: the parents that drive up (we set up shop at the bottom of my pretty long driveway) with their kids in the car and just hold the bucket out the window for the kids.

For the teenage kids, if they actually dress up, then I give them the same handful of candy I give everyone else. Not dressed up (or just minimally dressed?) You only get one or two pieces.

I also pass out mulled cider for adults. Last year a couple of kids had a temper tantrum because I told them it was for adults, and they couldn't have BOTH cider and candy, but if they wanted the cider in place of the candy, that was fine. None of the kids took me up on that one.

Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Luci on October 14, 2013, 05:02:42 PM
I have Teddy Grahms for the toddlers. When I can't figure it out, I usually just ask the parent if the kid needs a candy bar or a packet of crackers. Anyone of obvious chocolate age gets a candy bar. Oh, and I usually have gum for the parents.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: kherbert05 on October 14, 2013, 06:06:38 PM
As long as the ToTers are polite I don't care about their age or how dressed up they are. 

A couple of years ago I had a little girl politely ask if she could pick her candy because she was allergic to peanuts. Apparently some people were handing out the candy and not allowing any choice. Others only had chocolate*. I told her everything in my bowl was peanut free. She took a piece. I could tell she had a lot less candy than the other kids and gave her a couple of handfuls telling her us peanut allergic people have to stick together. (Sis was always sweet. She knew that a good portion of my candy would be removed because of peanuts. She would go through her haul and pick out my favorites and give them to me.)


*Most US chocolate isn't safe for people with peanut allergy. Even the safe brands aren't safe when it comes to the Halloween miniatures.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Shea on October 15, 2013, 08:00:16 AM
I don't understand this animosity toward kids trick-or-treating in a neighborhood they don't live in. When I was growing up, we lived in the country, so if I wanted to ToT at all, I had to go into town. Some friends of my parents always had a Halloween party, so I'd go ToT with their kids and the kids' friends, in a regular neighborhood in town. I never had any idea some people think this is wrong until I read it on EHell.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: MorgnsGrl on October 15, 2013, 08:13:17 AM
One: the parents that drive in their cars right behind their walking kids. Seriously? Our neighborhood is 1.8 miles. Get out and walk with them and stop being a danger to all the other kids walking around.

I'd like to point out that some people are disabled and may not be capable of walking that distance.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: lowspark on October 15, 2013, 08:21:29 AM
I don't understand this animosity toward kids trick-or-treating in a neighborhood they don't live in. When I was growing up, we lived in the country, so if I wanted to ToT at all, I had to go into town. Some friends of my parents always had a Halloween party, so I'd go ToT with their kids and the kids' friends, in a regular neighborhood in town. I never had any idea some people think this is wrong until I read it on EHell.

I don't think anyone objects to a kid going trick-or-treating with a friend in the friend's neighborhood.
What some people do object to is when the kids from a not-so-nice area of town are piled into the car and dropped off at the nicer neighborhood because, let's face it, that's where the good candy is.

Like I said upthread, this happened when I was a kid, back in the 60s, and it happens today. I remember seeing those kids all piling out of a beat up truck to go trick-or-treating in my neighborhood. And I've seen it recently as well.

It doesn't bother me one bit. Kids are kids and it's Halloween and they want some candy. They live in a poorer part of town? All the more reason for them to want to partake of the bounty of candy being handed out that night.

It reminds me of the apocryphal quote when some bank robber was asked why he robbed banks and his reply was, "because that's where the money is". Not comparing these kids to bank robbers, but it's the same philosophy. You go where the candy is. Who can blame them!

Honestly, I don't know the kids in my neighborhood any more that the kids who don't live nearby. I buy a boatload of candy and hand it out to whomever knocks on the door. The quicker they come, the sooner I will run out and the sooner I can turn off the light and relax.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: EllenS on October 15, 2013, 11:34:46 AM
The problem I had when I lived in a "destination" neighborhood, was not the idea of children coming there to TorT, but that something about the process of being "trucked in" in groups seemed to incite a mob mentality in the kids and their parents.

Part of what makes trick or treat pleasant for everyone, is the neighborliness of it - whether you are geographical neighbors at all. It is a very tiny practice of hospitality.  It is an opportunity for children to learn about knocking on doors, greeting people, saying "thank you" and waiting their turn.

When the kids were brought in in large, minimally-chaperoned groups, they felt anonymous - so there was much more pushing aside of little kids, double-dipping at the same house, surliness, yelling and demanding, and generally obnoxious and unpleasant behavior.  The grownups either were absent, or did nothing to correct their charges. Instead of exclaiming over costumes and playing along, I spent the whole time correcting, refereeing, checking that the trampled littles were OK, turning away greedy double-dippers, and fielding complaints about the quantity/quality or selection of candy.  Sometimes I even had to physically rebuff grabby hands who tried to reach over/under my arms and snatch more than they were offered.   It was very unpleasant.

This was not a class thing, as most of the kids who got trucked in were from an equal or higher socioeconomic group, they just lived in areas that were not sidewalked or well-lit, so they came to us.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 15, 2013, 11:42:27 AM
I don't understand this animosity toward kids trick-or-treating in a neighborhood they don't live in. When I was growing up, we lived in the country, so if I wanted to ToT at all, I had to go into town. Some friends of my parents always had a Halloween party, so I'd go ToT with their kids and the kids' friends, in a regular neighborhood in town. I never had any idea some people think this is wrong until I read it on EHell.

I don't think anyone objects to a kid going trick-or-treating with a friend in the friend's neighborhood.
What some people do object to is when the kids from a not-so-nice area of town are piled into the car and dropped off at the nicer neighborhood because, let's face it, that's where the good candy is.

Like I said upthread, this happened when I was a kid, back in the 60s, and it happens today. I remember seeing those kids all piling out of a beat up truck to go trick-or-treating in my neighborhood. And I've seen it recently as well.

It doesn't bother me one bit. Kids are kids and it's Halloween and they want some candy. They live in a poorer part of town? All the more reason for them to want to partake of the bounty of candy being handed out that night.

It reminds me of the apocryphal quote when some bank robber was asked why he robbed banks and his reply was, "because that's where the money is". Not comparing these kids to bank robbers, but it's the same philosophy. You go where the candy is. Who can blame them!

Honestly, I don't know the kids in my neighborhood any more that the kids who don't live nearby. I buy a boatload of candy and hand it out to whomever knocks on the door. The quicker they come, the sooner I will run out and the sooner I can turn off the light and relax.

See I always assumed they did it not because of better candy but their parents felt safer with them walking door to door in the nicer neighborhood.

In college I belonged to a club that decided one year we'd take part in an event a local hotel was doing.  They'd kept one floor empty and were renting out the rooms for a small fee to organizations, asking them to come in and do up the rooms so that the kids who live in not so nice parts of town could come to the hotel and trick or treat there. 

We had a blast turning the room we rented into a haunted house, dressing in costume and handing out candy to the kiddies and feeling good about letting kids have a fun and safe place to get candy and not missing out on it.  And granted it's been a while, but from what I remember the kids and the parents were very polite and no one was greedy. 
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: lowspark on October 15, 2013, 11:46:46 AM
Hmmm... good point. That didn't occur to me. But honestly, it doesn't matter to me which it is. Kids are kids. I'm giving the candy to whomever knocks on my door. And I have never experienced any rudeness other than kids forgetting to say thank you which is pretty typical for the excitement of the event.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: ladyknight1 on October 15, 2013, 12:34:45 PM
I think that a secret password system would work better. Too much drama!
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Hillia on October 15, 2013, 02:59:22 PM
10 or so years ago, DS and I lived in a smallish town which had a neighborhood of beautiful, carefully restored Victorian homes.  This area covered an area of about 2x3 blocks. The residents went all out, with elaborate displays in their yards, sometimes in the front rooms that could be seen through large plate glass windows.  They blocked off the streets in their neighborhood and the word was out that kids from all over town were invited to trick or treat there.  It had been going on for many years when DS and I were there.  Sadly, they stopped a few years later - the kids were getting rude and obnoxious, running through yards and destroying the decorations, being rude and greedy at the doors of the homes, etc.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Sharnita on October 16, 2013, 07:21:50 AM
Having taught kids from "not so nice" neighborhoods, their parents bring them into the nicer neighborhoods so they don't get jumped, robbed of candy or otherwise terrorized. Halloween is a particularly dangerous time in those areas. While "goid candy" is a nice bonus, safety is probably the big draw.

People from farm country where you might only get 4 houses in a mile or two can also come into the suburbs.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: TootsNYC on October 16, 2013, 11:47:03 AM
The problem I had when I lived in a "destination" neighborhood, was not the idea of children coming there to TorT, but that something about the process of being "trucked in" in groups seemed to incite a mob mentality in the kids and their parents.

Part of what makes trick or treat pleasant for everyone, is the neighborliness of it - whether you are geographical neighbors at all. It is a very tiny practice of hospitality.  It is an opportunity for children to learn about knocking on doors, greeting people, saying "thank you" and waiting their turn.

When the kids were brought in in large, minimally-chaperoned groups, they felt anonymous - so there was much more pushing aside of little kids, double-dipping at the same house, surliness, yelling and demanding, and generally obnoxious and unpleasant behavior.  The grownups either were absent, or did nothing to correct their charges. Instead of exclaiming over costumes and playing along, I spent the whole time correcting, refereeing, checking that the trampled littles were OK, turning away greedy double-dippers, and fielding complaints about the quantity/quality or selection of candy.  Sometimes I even had to physically rebuff grabby hands who tried to reach over/under my arms and snatch more than they were offered.   It was very unpleasant.

This was not a class thing, as most of the kids who got trucked in were from an equal or higher socioeconomic group, they just lived in areas that were not sidewalked or well-lit, so they came to us.

Yes. I think this is really what bothers people (when it bothers them).

It's really not a class thing--I think if kids whose appearance somehow led people to believe they were from a less-well-off neighborhood were well-behaved and friendly, and "played along" with the whole game, and the "a tiny exchange of hospitality," most people would think it was actually sort of *neat* that they could provide a fun Halloween experience for them.

But when you are phenomenally slammed with volume, or when you are seeing that sort of bad behavior that comes with a mob, then you don't find it much fun anymore.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Ghosty on October 17, 2013, 05:03:17 AM
I live in a strange area, on a corner between a very Posh area and a slightly deprived estate.
In the posh area each house has signs saying NO trick or Treat.
The families in the "poorer" area however, are out in the garden dressed up handing out bagfuls of sugary goodness.

Its not always the "good" areas that give "good" candy. Round my way you are better off in the working class areas.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Hmmmmm on October 17, 2013, 09:09:35 AM
The problem I had when I lived in a "destination" neighborhood, was not the idea of children coming there to TorT, but that something about the process of being "trucked in" in groups seemed to incite a mob mentality in the kids and their parents.

Part of what makes trick or treat pleasant for everyone, is the neighborliness of it - whether you are geographical neighbors at all. It is a very tiny practice of hospitality.  It is an opportunity for children to learn about knocking on doors, greeting people, saying "thank you" and waiting their turn.

When the kids were brought in in large, minimally-chaperoned groups, they felt anonymous - so there was much more pushing aside of little kids, double-dipping at the same house, surliness, yelling and demanding, and generally obnoxious and unpleasant behavior.  The grownups either were absent, or did nothing to correct their charges. Instead of exclaiming over costumes and playing along, I spent the whole time correcting, refereeing, checking that the trampled littles were OK, turning away greedy double-dippers, and fielding complaints about the quantity/quality or selection of candy.  Sometimes I even had to physically rebuff grabby hands who tried to reach over/under my arms and snatch more than they were offered.   It was very unpleasant.

This was not a class thing, as most of the kids who got trucked in were from an equal or higher socioeconomic group, they just lived in areas that were not sidewalked or well-lit, so they came to us.

Yes. I think this is really what bothers people (when it bothers them).

It's really not a class thing--I think if kids whose appearance somehow led people to believe they were from a less-well-off neighborhood were well-behaved and friendly, and "played along" with the whole game, and the "a tiny exchange of hospitality," most people would think it was actually sort of *neat* that they could provide a fun Halloween experience for them.

But when you are phenomenally slammed with volume, or when you are seeing that sort of bad behavior that comes with a mob, then you don't find it much fun anymore.

There is also the anonimity factor in how the kids behave. Neighborhood kids live in that neighborhood, know that truly bad behavior will be censured on the spot or have a good chance of being reported to parents. Damaging lawns or decorations is damaging their own neighbors. Not being polite will be poorly reflected onto their parents. There is also a neighborhood culture that gets established and adhered to. In our old neighborhood, toddlers would go out with their parents starting around 5pm. Older kids who still had their parents go out with them would start a little later but then those parents were back home by around 7 when the older kids would start out and the parents could then give out candy. All door bell ringing stops at 8:30. No candy wrappers thrown in the streets, no running across lawns. If a group is already at the door wait on further back instead of pushing into the existing group.

Kids coming externally don't have the same concerns nor will their parents bringing them into the neighborhood know the established neighborhood rules.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Lynn2000 on October 17, 2013, 09:46:52 AM
I can see how the person/people who put up the flyers thought perhaps it was a good idea--to me it's the classic case of only discussing something with, say, your like-minded spouse before doing it, and not running it by anyone else. For some reason I picture a couple as being behind it. :) One keeps complaining, and the other goes into fix-it mode and comes up with this idea, and they both think it's brilliant.

But very poor execution. Logistically bad, extra work for everyone, going to be a mess on Halloween with the obvious A-list/B-list. If at Halloween one's neighborhood is being flooded with large numbers of poorly-behaved, poorly-supervised children whom you suspect are from other areas, I think there are far better ways to deal with it than this--something neighborhood-wide, perhaps, like proposing ToT at the local mall or rented space instead of house-to-house, or asking for greater police presence in the area that evening. A municipal solution for a municipal problem, rather than one couple trying to make an exclusive candy club in their house. They could even, as others suggested, host a Halloween party with invited guests from their neighborhood, and then not give out candy at the door at all.

I lived in a rural area near a very small town, and ToTing was kind of foreign to me anyway. I would dress in a costume, and my dad would take me only to the homes of people he knew--the idea of going to door-to-door when you didn't know who lived there seems odd to me, and this was 25 years ago in a town of less than 5000 people, so likely to be quite safe. We would only go to maybe five or six houses, but people tended to be generous with the candy, so I always got a big enough haul that my mom would take it away and limit my sugar intake. Maybe that was their plan all along! :)
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Carotte on October 17, 2013, 10:41:26 AM
But very poor execution. Logistically bad, extra work for everyone, going to be a mess on Halloween with the obvious A-list/B-list. If at Halloween one's neighborhood is being flooded with large numbers of poorly-behaved, poorly-supervised children whom you suspect are from other areas, I think there are far better ways to deal with it than this--

I agree with that, and would suggest a paper coupon to redeem the 'extra' candy. Make it on special stationery or with a minimum of detail  and unless the kids are master forgers it shouldn't be a problem.
Maybe even set a special time to redeem them (earlier in the evening?).
What better way to teach a kid about responsability than pairing it with candy :).
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Xandraea on October 17, 2013, 12:18:09 PM
Okay, I know I am a paranoid so-and-so.

But am I the only one who wondered, "gee, I wonder why these people are so interested in gathering a list of kids who live nearby, and ingratiating themselves with the kids and their families as The Nice Neighbor Who Gives Good Candy?"

My DH is in marketing, and so much of it is about creating a group of "insiders" who willingly give up their info in order to get special treats - so you can then use that info later, and make them more open to your solicitations.

So are these neighbors going to be soliciting for Amway, or a political campaign, or ....something worse?

This was my first thought as well. This neighbor has some reason for wanting the names of local children/parents, and is using Halloween as a way to get the information. I find this creepy. If this person had legitimate interest in this info, they'd already know because they know their neighbors by being neighborly.  A "pre-registration list" sets off my hinky meter. Logistics aside (What a mess!), this is simply a terrible idea.

About Halloween: I know it's a tradition, and I remember doing it a few times as a kid, but I lost all interest in the shenanigans years ago. Yes, it's fun to see all the little ones in costumes, and I did hand out treats last year. A few kids went up the street one way and came back again the other way (there were only houses on one side of the street), so I recognized a several repeats. I still smiled and gave them another piece of candy. When I ran out of candy, I turned off my light and shut the door.

I am also puzzled that we spend our kids' whole lives telling them not to take candy from strangers, and yet one night a year people dress their kids up and send them to strangers to beg for candy. It's one thing if it's neighborhood kids who know the neighbors, but the truckloads of kids being taken into other neighborhoods often don't know who they're taking candy from. I'd rather throw a party and invite friends and their kids and just have a good time with people I know.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: EllenS on October 17, 2013, 01:22:06 PM
I'd rather throw a party and invite friends and their kids and just have a good time with people I know.

TorT is still prevalent in many areas where I live, but the "Trunk or Treat" party at church or school is rapidly supplanting it.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: *inviteseller on October 18, 2013, 11:13:49 PM
I am "trucked" in..I go to my sisters and have for the last 16 years.  The reason?  My neighborhood is very nice, but there are apartment buildings one street over..too many steps, and none of the surrounding streets have sidewalks and for some reason, our borough is well known for not having a lot of street lights.  Last year, due to Hurricane Sandy washing out Halloween on the actual day (I am in Pittsburgh, as while we didn't have the devastation, we did have over 8" of rain that day) so it was moved to the following Saturday all over our little corner of the world.  My sister's was Saturday afternoon, mine was Saturday night.  We went and did my sister's street (longlong cul de sac) to see her neighbors then come home and for once do our own neighborhood, and I would not care if they were handing out bars of gold and diamond rings, I will never do my neighborhood again.  It is dangerous on the roads (the 'main' road of our neighborhood was scary with cars whizzing by, kids running in the dark, no sidewalks so we are walking in peoples yards that are still like swamps from the torrential rains) and the majority of the kids we ran into (and it was packed at every turn) were some serious SS's ..older kids knocking little kids out of the way, horseplay, language.  We are considered an upperclass neighborhood and I have seen better behavior in lower class areas! 
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Thipu1 on October 20, 2013, 10:43:05 AM
I'd rather throw a party and invite friends and their kids and just have a good time with people I know.

TorT is still prevalent in many areas where I live, but the "Trunk or Treat" party at church or school is rapidly supplanting it.

Our neighborhood does a variation of 'trunk or treat'.  On Halloween afternoon, merchants are out on the sidewalk with 5 gallon buckets of treats.  Usually, the employee handing out the goodies is costumed.  This closes down around 5 PM because everyone has to go home, calm down and eat dinner before our neighborhood parade begins. 

Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: emjo306 on October 27, 2013, 12:37:55 PM
I take my kids ToTing outside of our own neighborhood - not because it's rural or unsafe, but because my parents and grandmother love seeing my boys dressed in their costumes and enjoying Halloween with them. My DH is often working on Halloween night, so if I go to my parent's neighborhood I can enlist help in taking my kids door to door as well.  Someone always stays behind and hands out candy at my parents' house, so I figure they are also contributing to the neighborhood kids while their "trucked in" grandchildren are ToTing, and it evens out.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: kherbert05 on October 27, 2013, 01:29:35 PM
The only times I've had a problem with trucked in kids is when the adults were SS or idiots.


1. The SS father caused an accident. He parked in away that blocked the view of an intersection, waved people around, and had is kids climbing out of both sides of the truck. Teen boy swerved to miss kids hit teen girl's car. The fire department had to use jaws of life t get the girl out. Boy got a ticket.


Oh and while the fire department were rescuing the girl - his kids were running around the accident scene without shoes. He would not leave while the cops were still there, because he was breaking seatbelt laws by having toddlers to HS kids in the back of a pick up. Cops ended up getting 4 cars to stake out the corners in each direction and leaving. He drove towards the HW and was pulled over one block down.


2. SS father asked me and my neighbors if we had called the (Rude name for cops) because (rude name for African Americans) were TOT in the area. (SS father was African American). I said no, he was probably their to check that my former across the street neighbor was not participating in ToT due to his crime against a child under 10. This was confirmed a little while later when the police officer came up and asked me if the house across the street had been participating in ToT.  (They had seen people walking away from the porch - but they had gone up to read the foreclosure notice.) 
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: *inviteseller on October 27, 2013, 06:09:22 PM
In my sister's neighborhood, the borough requires registered offenders to post a notice the borough provided on their door.  They are not allowed to even set out a bowl of candy on the porch (as one guy who my sister warned me about) did.   I was surprised at the fact we saw 4 notices that night...one on her street, and 3 on the streets went to on the other side of the main road.  The note said (we didn't see it at first and the porch light was on..another nono) A Registered sex offender is listed at this address and is not allowed to hand out candy or interact with anyone under the age of 18.    We now walk a ways down from her street to another plan to finish up where, not a guarantee, but no notices.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Jones on October 27, 2013, 08:07:44 PM
^^ In my state, they only have to not answer the door and keep their porch light off; no sign or anything. A sex offender very recently moved into my neighborhood; basically he finished his sentence and immediately moved in with his parents. If I hadn't checked the website due to making new running routes, I'd not have known about him; they didn't breathe a word, though of course I saw him move in with them and figured he was their relative. Then again, how would that conversation go? "Hey, hope you don't mind, my criminal son convicted of XYZ is moving in with us because he has nowhere to go." Yeah, not so much.

I know in some states sex offenders have to introduce themselves around the neighborhood when they move in, but not here. I'd like to tell the people of the neighborhood but I think the most I could do is tell them to check the offender website. And make sure his porch light is off on Halloween night.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: doodlemor on October 31, 2013, 07:24:01 PM
Could you please give us an update about this hare-brained scheme? 
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: workerbee on November 01, 2013, 08:34:20 AM
We were out in our neighborhood last night and a conversation with a neighbor reminded me of this thread. Our neighborhood is actually great for trick-or-treating with small children - we're bordered by two busy roads and two dead ends, so it's basically a T-shape, with 2 small cul-de-sacs. Little traffic except for the people who live in the neighborhood. Easy to get up and down and very manageable size for little ones!

Anyway, our neighbor mentioned that we tend to have a lot of people 'drive in' and he viewed it as a "testament to the neighborhood." I thought that was a really nice, welcoming way to look at it. I'm of the belief that every kid should have the fun of going door-to-door, so if your neighborhood isn't appropriate for it, come on over!

My only issue with people driving in is safety -- if you can just park at the top of the block and walk around, you are most welcome. I do worry about people driving from house to house with all the kids running around.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Sophia on November 01, 2013, 09:06:52 AM
I saw something really neat last night.  Several houses of neighbors would gather together in one driveway and have a potluck.  The chairs were setup in a horseshoe, and every household brought a bowl of candy.  So, the kids sort of had a one-stop Shop of T&Ting, and the adults could exclaim to each other over the cute costumes.  I live in Texas and the weather was amazing.  My friend in a belly dancer costume was a tish cold. 
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: Klein Bottle on November 02, 2013, 05:39:59 PM
We were out in our neighborhood last night and a conversation with a neighbor reminded me of this thread. Our neighborhood is actually great for trick-or-treating with small children - we're bordered by two busy roads and two dead ends, so it's basically a T-shape, with 2 small cul-de-sacs. Little traffic except for the people who live in the neighborhood. Easy to get up and down and very manageable size for little ones!

Anyway, our neighbor mentioned that we tend to have a lot of people 'drive in' and he viewed it as a "testament to the neighborhood." I thought that was a really nice, welcoming way to look at it. I'm of the belief that every kid should have the fun of going door-to-door, so if your neighborhood isn't appropriate for it, come on over!

My only issue with people driving in is safety -- if you can just park at the top of the block and walk around, you are most welcome. I do worry about people driving from house to house with all the kids running around.

I completely agree.  Both my cousin's neighborhood and my new neighborhood are kind of known for having a lot of out-of-town trick or treaters, and I passed out candy to several groups of them Thursday.  The kids all looked like they were having a blast!  The more the merrier, I say, and I agree also that is speaks well of the neighborhood.
Title: Re: Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass"
Post by: SisJackson on November 03, 2013, 01:42:29 AM
OK - update to the "candy pass" deal - it was apparently way different than I'd originally thought.  The couple put out eight actual vending machines in front of their garage that took tokens; I guess he owns and/or services machines.  They handed out extra tokens to the neighborhood kids in advance of Halloween per the signs, plus they could trick-or-treat for a single token on the night of.

The kids could talk of nothing else.  We had our porch decorated up as a mad scientist's laboratory, with bubbling beakers of glow-in-the-dark liquids and a laser and a fog machine, but who cares?  There are real vending machines just a few doors down!  Kids were willing to stand in line just to get to hand pick their favorite candy and press the buttons.  Kids could also buy candy as the machines took coins as well as the tokens, and not a few children were begging their parents/chaperones for spare change.

We didn't get a chance to wander down that way and see the spectacle for ourselves, unfortunately.  My husband was unable to hand out candy in his big welding gloves and so did little more than practice his evil laugh and ask if the kids wanted experimental candy or normal candy, while I spent the entire evening distributing.  We got the gist of the story from the kids who couldn't shut up about the vending machine house, and the parents filled us in on some.  I lost count of the kids but we went through five Costco bags of candy, 150 pieces each, but I know some kids got two pieces rather than the usual one.

When I learned that there were hundreds of kids touching these machines I also quickly ran in and got my big pump bottle of hand sanitizer and offered it for use - got lots of takers, and that's half gone now too.  I just thought those machine button panels had to be a germ festival going on.

It wasn't as bad as I'd expected and the kids seemed to like what they had going on - neighborhood kids got as many as three candies at this guy's house and unless the trucked-in kids double-dipped or bought, they only got one.
Title: Re: [Update] Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass" [update post 92]
Post by: TootsNYC on November 03, 2013, 08:40:19 AM
That sounds like a generous family! And nice that they were willing to go to some trouble so that kids they knew got an extra level of fun.

I did notice in the very original plan that the offer was "if you're our neighbor, we'd like to give you MORE candy"--it didn't say that non-neighbors couldn't get anything.
Title: Re: [Update] Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass" [update post 92]
Post by: Thipu1 on November 03, 2013, 09:04:47 AM
That's a nice update.  Thank you.

I think most of us agree that the Candy Pass neighbor gets a 'Get out of E-Hell Free' card. 
Title: Re: [Update] Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass" [update post 92]
Post by: Goosey on November 03, 2013, 07:31:45 PM
Well, those kids wouldn't have been any more exposed to germs from the vending machines than they would on a given day at school, so I do think you didn't need to worry about the sanitizer. Nice gesture, though!
Title: Re: [Update] Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass" [update post 92]
Post by: katycoo on November 03, 2013, 07:54:19 PM
Every piece of candy that a kid accepted had been touched by at least one other person.  The vending machine woudln't have been any worse.
Title: Re: [Update] Halloween Neighbor "Candy Pass" [update post 92]
Post by: magicdomino on November 04, 2013, 11:38:32 AM
That's a nice update.  Thank you.

I think most of us agree that the Candy Pass neighbor gets a 'Get out of E-Hell Free' card.

I agree.  I'm also having visions of suitably decorated vending machines.   :D