Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Holidays => Topic started by: Gone on October 30, 2013, 12:12:27 AM

Title: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Gone on October 30, 2013, 12:12:27 AM
Hey everyone,

So Dandy Man is two and a half right now and we just recently moved to a new community where we don't know any of our neighbors. Dandy Man has a peanut allergy (not life threatening). Last Halloween, we took him to three or four houses, of friends of ours, to show off how cute he was in his costume. All of our friends knew about the peanut allergy and chose to give him candy that didn't have peanuts in it. He didn't really understand what was going on, but was thrilled to get candy.

So this year, he's old enough to do some real trick or treating. I figured I'd take him up the street about two blocks and then bring him home. Just enough for a little dude. I'm actually really excited to introduce ourselves to some of our neighbors and I'm looking to make a good first impression.

Is there a polite way of conveying to the neighbors that Dandy won't be able to enjoy any treats with peanuts? This is a really nice neighborhood, and I'm anticipating him getting a lot of "the good stuff", which usually includes things like Snickers and Reese's Cups. Halloween candy is a gift, so I don't want to tell people what to give him, but I also don't want to have to take away half his candy when we get home. Are there any other parents out there that have dealt with this dilemma before? How have you handled it?
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: hannahmollysmom on October 30, 2013, 12:35:30 AM
If you don't want to remove half his candy, then exchange it. Pick up some that he can have and "trade" him for it. Then take the exchanged candy to work. If it's anything like my job, it will be gone in a flash.

I really don't think you can say anything to the neighbors handing out candy. That would come across as too special. If all they have is candy with peanuts, will you let your son walk away empty handed?
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Danika on October 30, 2013, 01:17:34 AM
I would definitely not mention his allergy beforehand, because that might be all they have in the house anyway. And, I agree with the PP who said it'd be on the special snowflake side. Those folks might not want to then have to run to the store again just to get something peanut-free.

Just say thanks.

And hopefully go out, and return home early enough that you can quickly sort and hand out all the peanut candy to trick-or-treaters who come to your door.

I have a lot of food allergies (luckily, none of them life threatening is moderate or small doses) and so in situations like this, I don't say anything. However, if they were to invite you over for dinner sometime, that would be the time to warn them in advance. Or if they later asked you "How did your child like the peanut-coated candy apple that I got him?" You can be honest and say "Unfortunately, he's allergic to peanuts. So his father and I ate it and it was delicious. Thank you for the gift."
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Danika on October 30, 2013, 01:20:09 AM
Additionally, if you think your son will notice that a considerable chuck of candy has been taken away, you could buy him other candy (or something healthy, if you prefer) before you go out. And you can tell him "Because you are allergic to peanuts, there will be some I can't let you eat. So I bought you this to replace it."

And you can go through and take out the ones he can't have, and give him approved candy/treats that he can that you bought knowing that would happen.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Kiwichick on October 30, 2013, 05:28:28 AM
If you don't want to remove half his candy, then exchange it. Pick up some that he can have and "trade" him for it. Then take the exchanged candy to work. If it's anything like my job, it will be gone in a flash.

I really don't think you can say anything to the neighbors handing out candy. That would come across as too special. If all they have is candy with peanuts, will you let your son walk away empty handed?

Definitely not! Regardless of the situation, I would never be so rude as to refuse an offered gift. Unfortunately, I don't work, so the taking it to the office thing won't work.

Then just swop it and throw the peanut candy away.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Runningstar on October 30, 2013, 05:41:01 AM
My son is an adult now, but also has a peanut allergy and goes into anaphylactic shock if has any.
We always did the trade of candy when we got home and he still says that was the best part.
Quarters, dimes work also.
It is so much less stressful and you don't have to have the peanut discussion 30 times in one night
with strangers.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Harriet Jones on October 30, 2013, 05:52:40 AM
One family I know swaps out the candy the kids can't have with stuff they can have.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Runningstar on October 30, 2013, 06:45:00 AM
I also wanted to say that the candy doesn't go bad in just a month or two - most of it is good for much longer than you think.
It can make for nice Christmas treats for family, and if it is in Halloween wrappers you can repackage it to give away.
I never throw it out, because in a month those who had too much candy will have then eaten it and now welcome it.
Just have to be careful not to contaminate your kitchen with the peanuts, I use wax paper and treat it carefully.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: lowspark on October 30, 2013, 07:55:45 AM
If they have several choices and let you choose, then you can choose a peanut-free item if it's available. Otherwise, I agree that you just accept whatever they throw in your bag and move on.

To me, the fun of Halloween is the trick-or-treating itself. Getting dressed up, going door to door, people giving you free stuff. It's a thrill! The candy is only the by-product. So if you de-emphasize the candy, your son will probably follow suit.

When my kids were little, there was no way I was going to let them consume all the candy they collected on Halloween. There was always mountains of it. I'd let them pick out their favorites and have a few that night and set aside some to take some in their school lunches the next few days and the rest would get hidden away. You'd be amazed at how quickly they completely forgot about it. Then I'd take the rest to work (if you don't work, maybe give it to your friend/neighbor to take to work or put it in the food-for-the-hungry bin or toss it at last resort).

So if you can just maintain control over which ones he does eat, especially at his age, he's probably going to have forgotten about the rest of it anyway within a couple of days at most.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 30, 2013, 08:27:19 AM
I think the swap is the way to go.  If you are able to choose at the outset, great but if not, swap out or 'buy' the candy he can't eat.

One of my coworkers used to pay his kids $20 for all the candy they had left the day after Hallowe'en.  Basically, they could eat what they wanted that day or the next but then gave up the rest of the candy.  They were the type of kids who wanted to hit as many houses as they could but he didn't want them eating all the junk.  It worked for them and he brought the candy into work for the rest of us.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: cwm on October 30, 2013, 09:42:38 AM
When I was young, I remember after Halloween my parents would have my sister and me go through all of our candy. We'd get to keep X pieces out that night, and after that we'd get up to Y pieces a day until it was gone. I think you could probably do this with your DS, telling him you don't want him to get sick from all the candy. Then when he goes to bed, switch out the candy he can't have with candy he can have so he has about the same amount. I guarantee you, unless he's keeping a list of how much of what candy he has, he probably won't notice at all.

What to do with his pilfered peanutty treats is up to you.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: TootsNYC on October 30, 2013, 10:40:30 AM
If there's a house where there is a choice, I think he can say, "Can I have the Hershey bar, please? I'm allergic to peanuts."

It would be a good thing in the world, to remind candy-giver-outers that this allergy exists. I know my MIL would want *every* kid who comes to her house to go away with candy that he doesn't have to swap. So if a kid said that to her this year, she'd probably make me go out and buy more plain chocolate or Jolly Rancher stuff so she could give that out. And next year she'd have some non-peanut candy.

You might also contact the local paper or radio station and say, "My kid has a peanut allergy, and we'd love to participate in a story that reminds your readers/listeners to remember this allergy if they are hoping to create a great Halloween for -every- kid. And to share some strategies for coping if you're like us."
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: NyaChan on October 30, 2013, 11:04:36 AM
I agree with the swapping idea - that way the burden of finding the peanut-free candy in the bowl or having to disappoint the child by saying you don't have peanut-free candy isn't on the neighbors.  Your kid gets the fun of trick-or-treating, you teach him which of the candies are ok to eat and which aren't when you are done, and he still gets the candy that other kids without the peanut allergy would get.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: SCMagnolia on October 30, 2013, 12:56:01 PM
He's two and a half, right?

He is not going to know or remember who gave him what candy, and it's way too much hassle and snowflakey to be telling every neighbor that hands out Reese's cups that he can't have them.  It's not like they'd be able to run to the store right then and buy something he *can* have, and they'd probably just feel bad for not having something on hand that he isn't allergic to, so the less fuss made, the better.

Besides, even if a candy does not have peanuts in it, it may have been made in a factory that also processes peanuts, so you might still have to scrap the Hershey's bars, etc if there's a chance they won't be safe for him, either. 

Just accept what the neighbors hand out, say thank you, and move on.  When you get home, go through the loot, pick out the stuff he can't have, and if you're afraid he is going to notice the difference between what he can and can't have, have some of his favorite candy/cookies/treats on hand to "trade."

The chance of him encountering foods he can't eat is always going to be there, so you could consider this part of the learning/teaching process of having a child with a severe allergy.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: SPuck on October 30, 2013, 01:10:00 PM
I would go wit the earlier suggestions of the swap out. My neighbors did this with their sons (and sometimes my family would get the left overs :D), and on top of that their grandparents also ended up buying them candy because they were afraid the kids wouldn't get enough. The best road to take in this situation is not to make a big deal out of swapping the candy. He can get excited about the candy, just don't make him feel (or let anyone else make him feel) like he is loosing something.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: tinkytinky on October 30, 2013, 01:16:08 PM
POD previouse posters who said to swap his candy with something that he can have. You can make a game of it, saying "I'll swap you this peanut butter cup for this laffy taffy, OK this candybar with peanuts can be swapped for two packages of smarties and a lollypop" or whatever. He is also old enough to help send care packages to soldiers overseas. It could include some of the candy that he can't have along with some other purchased goodies (like trail mix, fruit snacks, etc). It doesnt have to be anything extremely expensive, and I know they appreciate unexpected treats.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: 123sandy on October 30, 2013, 01:22:00 PM
We do a candy buy back. The kids get to pick 10/12 favourite pieces, we buy the rest for $20. Husband takes candy to work. Happy kids, happy co-workers, and we count the money as off future dentist bills!

Matchbox cars and colouring books used to work too.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Zilla on October 30, 2013, 01:28:08 PM
If you don't want to remove half his candy, then exchange it. Pick up some that he can have and "trade" him for it. Then take the exchanged candy to work. If it's anything like my job, it will be gone in a flash.

I really don't think you can say anything to the neighbors handing out candy. That would come across as too special. If all they have is candy with peanuts, will you let your son walk away empty handed?

Definitely not! Regardless of the situation, I would never be so rude as to refuse an offered gift. Unfortunately, I don't work, so the taking it to the office thing won't work.


I wouldn't mention it.  I would do as suggested above.  Buy some that he likes and trade him for it.  You can also reinforce why he can't have this candy or that candy but ooh look at what you can have instead!  That way he remembers more of what he can or can't have.


And as for all the candy you can't eat,  when you get home with it, give it out to the trick or treaters that come to your door. :D
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: esposita on October 30, 2013, 01:38:29 PM
He's two and a half, right?
...snip...
The chance of him encountering foods he can't eat is always going to be there, so you could consider this part of the learning/teaching process of having a child with a severe allergy.

This is an excellent point. Whatever you decide to do, do it low-key and with a big smile, letting him know that this is a part of his life but its not something to be down about.

Something else to consider is donating the candy he can't eat. A local dentist's office is paying kids $1 per pound, and shipping all the candy they receive overseas to soldiers. That would be a great way of teaching him to turn a difficulty into a way to help others! (Plus, he'd get a free toothbrush, lol.)
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Tabby Uprising on October 30, 2013, 01:47:56 PM
He's two and a half, right?
...snip...
The chance of him encountering foods he can't eat is always going to be there, so you could consider this part of the learning/teaching process of having a child with a severe allergy.

This is an excellent point. Whatever you decide to do, do it low-key and with a big smile, letting him know that this is a part of his life but its not something to be down about.

Something else to consider is donating the candy he can't eat. A local dentist's office is paying kids $1 per pound, and shipping all the candy they receive overseas to soldiers. That would be a great way of teaching him to turn a difficulty into a way to help others! (Plus, he'd get a free toothbrush, lol.)

I was posting here to say the same thing.  Dentists offices in my area are doing candy buy-backs as well and some neighborhood moms collect unwanted candy to box to the troops themselves.  Some moms have said they take all (or a lot) of their child's candy and replace it with a small gift.  They tell their kids the Great Pumpkin comes for the candy and leaves them a present  :)
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: magician5 on October 30, 2013, 02:08:15 PM
When all the candy gets pitched into a big trick-or-treat bag, the potential for cross-contamination is there. I think you could ask, in a smiling and friendly way, if anything he's being given has peanuts (and of course you recall that the residents might not know and might not tell you accurately, so you'll want to check the labels when you get home)

For my part, as a happy participant in the grand tradition of "Ooh, you're so scary, if I give you some candy you won't haunt me, promise?", I wouldn't mind being asked.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Morticia on October 30, 2013, 03:22:53 PM
I wish people would tell me if they need peanut free. I buy some every year, but I also buy my own favourites, so, you know... I have actually been trying to figure out how to indicate that this is an option, without putting up an "Ask me about my nuts" sign. Currently, everyone gets Rockets (Canadian candy sugar pellets - no nuts), and a chocolate bar of dangerous provenance.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: cwm on October 30, 2013, 03:24:19 PM
I wish people would tell me if they need peanut free. I buy some every year, but I also buy my own favourites, so, you know... I have actually been trying to figure out how to indicate that this is an option, without putting up an "Ask me about my nuts" sign. Currently, everyone gets Rockets (Canadian candy sugar pellets - no nuts), and a chocolate bar of dangerous provenance.

As a side note, I'd LOVE to see a sign like that on Halloween. Or any time, actually.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: SamiHami on October 30, 2013, 03:35:34 PM
I agree with doing the swap. Also, if you are only going to take him around a couple of blocks, you'll probably still have plenty of ToTer's coming to your place. You could always give his nutty candy away to other children. Just make sure he doesn't think you're being a meanie giving away "his" stuff!  :)
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: camlan on October 30, 2013, 03:41:20 PM
If there's a house where there is a choice, I think he can say, "Can I have the Hershey bar, please? I'm allergic to peanuts."

It would be a good thing in the world, to remind candy-giver-outers that this allergy exists. I know my MIL would want *every* kid who comes to her house to go away with candy that he doesn't have to swap. So if a kid said that to her this year, she'd probably make me go out and buy more plain chocolate or Jolly Rancher stuff so she could give that out. And next year she'd have some non-peanut candy.

You might also contact the local paper or radio station and say, "My kid has a peanut allergy, and we'd love to participate in a story that reminds your readers/listeners to remember this allergy if they are hoping to create a great Halloween for -every- kid. And to share some strategies for coping if you're like us."

In addition to peanut allergies, a surprising number of children have dairy allergies, which makes most chocolate out of bounds for them.

I have two candy bowls at Halloween--one with lots of chocolate goodies, one with (US) Smarties and plain old lollipops. Most kids with allergies can have one or both of those.

It's worth it every year that some mom goes, "No, Sammy, you can't have that," while looking at th chocolate bowl, and I can point them to the other, "safe," bowl that the other kids are ignoring.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 30, 2013, 04:06:19 PM
FYI - US Smarties are the same as Canadian Rockets.  Canadian Smarties are like M&Ms.

Now you are making me feel like I need to run out and buy a bag of something other than chocolate...
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: TootsNYC on October 30, 2013, 04:16:21 PM
When all the candy gets pitched into a big trick-or-treat bag, the potential for cross-contamination is there.

Even through the wrapper?
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Katana_Geldar on October 30, 2013, 04:22:46 PM
When all the candy gets pitched into a big trick-or-treat bag, the potential for cross-contamination is there.

Even through the wrapper?
Sometimes there's residue that can get through to the skin in severe allergies.

I rather like what my Dad did with lollies: put them in a giant jar and let us have some every so often. We did this after every Easter and they stayed good until Christmas.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: violinp on October 30, 2013, 04:25:01 PM
When all the candy gets pitched into a big trick-or-treat bag, the potential for cross-contamination is there.

Even through the wrapper?

Wrappers can rip, especially in those multi - candy bags my family buys.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: 123sandy on October 30, 2013, 06:27:53 PM
I think if it's a serious risk, you have to skip trick or treating and plan a party at home, I have friends who have never let their kids TorT, and not because of allergies. They have a party at home, do the dooking for apples, eating a doughring on a string, wrapping a family member up like a mummy in TP, etc.. Their kids don't miss out.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: shhh its me on October 30, 2013, 09:07:09 PM
  I think if you can see the bowl  and see there are peanut free options its ok it say "Would the sucker be ok, nut allergy ?" (between trick or treat and thank you) if there was a line or you cant see what they are giving out I wouldn't.  I think most elementary schools also take candy donations.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Danika on October 31, 2013, 12:58:21 AM
I usually have a variety of different types of candies in one big bowl and I'll tell the kids "pick three" or something like that. I've found that they generally choose candy containing chocolate, FWIW.


I think if it's a serious risk, you have to skip trick or treating and plan a party at home, I have friends who have never let their kids TorT, and not because of allergies. They have a party at home, do the dooking for apples, eating a doughring on a string, wrapping a family member up like a mummy in TP, etc.. Their kids don't miss out.

I agree. If your kid is so allergic to something that something else touching a wrapper touching their skin could cause death, I would like to think that you wouldn't let them go Trick or Treating, or you'd let them go for the experience, but never let them touch the candy and just dispose of it when they returned home.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Runningstar on October 31, 2013, 07:13:14 AM
 :-\
The OP wanted to know if there was a polite way to convey the message about peanut free candy, which to me the answer is not usually while at the door but could be mentioned at some other time in conversation.  It is up to the parent to decide about safety, how to be safe, etc.  We deal with peanut allergy issues and while there can be contamination, you can also never be sure.   To miss the excitement of the night would be a shame, even if you just dumped the entire loot in the trash would be better than that.   
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: TeamBhakta on October 31, 2013, 11:30:49 PM

You might also contact the local paper or radio station and say, "My kid has a peanut allergy, and we'd love to participate in a story that reminds your readers/listeners to remember this allergy if they are hoping to create a great Halloween for -every- kid. And to share some strategies for coping if you're like us."

Honestly, that seems a bit snowflakey to me. You can't accomodate every child's allergy. What about the kids who are allergic to dairy, chocolate, eggs, grains or strawberries ? Or the ones who only eat raw,  vegan or kosher foods ?
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Danika on November 01, 2013, 01:13:44 AM

You might also contact the local paper or radio station and say, "My kid has a peanut allergy, and we'd love to participate in a story that reminds your readers/listeners to remember this allergy if they are hoping to create a great Halloween for -every- kid. And to share some strategies for coping if you're like us."

Honestly, that seems a bit snowflakey to me. You can't accomodate every child's allergy. What about the kids who are allergic to dairy, chocolate, eggs, grains or strawberries ? Or the ones who only eat raw,  vegan or kosher foods ?

You think it's snowflakey to try to make people aware? Toots wasn't advocating telling people what to do. But there are some of us out there who genuinely do want every child who trick or treats to have a fun night. If there is candy that is appropriate for children with allergies, I would have some on hand, if I knew what it was and where to find it. Most people who hand out Halloween candy do so for the joy of participating in the holiday. Most of us would not be put out by a local radio station or newspaper running a story about where to get candy for children with dietary restrictions. And if you are, ignore the story and hand out whatever you want.

I think people are pretty aware of allergies. I don't know anyone who hasn't heard of them or doesn't know someone who has one. The problem is that there are so many things that are even common allergens. And then you have intolerances, and other things. You can't accommodate everyone. The best each person can do is buy a variety of things and let the Trick-or-Treaters choose if they want sugar, chocolate, organic, etc.

But these are gifts. Someone's coming to my door asking me for food. And I'm nice enough to spend $25 to buy candy and stand at my door all night handing it out. I have a ton of allergies myself, that's why I buy a variety. But it is special snowflakey to try to announce on the radio or by word of mouth that people should purchase certain kinds of foods to accommodate anyone coming to their door asking for the food.

And when most of the people in North America (I can't speak for the rest of the world) are already aware of allergies, when you mention it for the nine millionth time, it is like beating someone over the head. And looking a gift horse in the mouth. And it sounds a bit like special snowflakes are being condescending and saying that the free candy isn't good enough. It comes across as judging the gift-giver.

If my free dairy-filled, preservative-filled, high chocolate, high sugar gifts that cost me $25 aren't good enough for the people "begging" at my door (I have little kids too, I don't consider them beggars, but that's the word that comes to mind), then I will turn my porch light off and not hand out candy or anything at all. In any economy, but especially this one, there's no way I'm making sure that I give out healthy, allergy free, intolerance free food that costs way more than the $25 I already spent. I can't anticipate every allergy. And I would find it very off-putting to be asked to.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: ChinaShepherdess on November 01, 2013, 03:28:19 AM
A moot point this late in the holiday season, but re: accommodating trick-or-treaters with allergies, I always keep a bowl of chocolatey treats and a bowl of non-edible treats, like temporary tattoos or stickers. Lots of children choose the tattoos over the chocolate! I love it, because they're vegan/kosher/gluten-free and, unlike a plastic cauldron full of York peppermint patties, I'm not tempted to raid the bowl!
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Sharnita on November 01, 2013, 09:28:04 AM
What kind of candy is that? I mean it would have to be nut free, gluten free,  dairy free, sugar free ...

That sounds like pretty unappealing candy.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Sharnita on November 01, 2013, 10:03:24 AM
Honestly,  your expectations seem really unrealistic.  Some kids won't be able to eat some treats because they aren't compatible with braces.  If every single potential issue for every subgroup in the population was eliminated, they would have to stop trick or treating all together.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 01, 2013, 10:06:17 AM
I really like the suggestion of having a candy bowl and a non candy bowl with stickers and temporary tattoos and little toys.  I may hit the dollar store next year and do that.  I also like the idea of goldfish crackers for the little ones.  My neighbour handed out puddings to the itty bittys.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Sharnita on November 01, 2013, 10:30:16 AM
The thing is, you really do seem to expect that people should want to accommodate allergies.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: TeamBhakta on November 01, 2013, 11:05:46 AM
What kind of candy is that? I mean it would have to be nut free, gluten free,  dairy free, sugar free ...

That sounds like pretty unappealing candy.

I'll bet it's very appealing to the kids who can't have anything else.

It's unrealistic. We had someone on another thread who works in a factory that makes gluten free products (or something like that) on certain days. They use bunny suits, flags on fork lifts and don't allow contaminants in the area, but still can't guarantee the product is 100% allergen free. And if they can't do that, how do you expect people to ensure that for random strangers' kids no less ? Shoot, I'm allergic to green peppers and aspartame; and I know there's candies flavored with both of those. But I don't call radio stations asking people to have an alternative to it on hand.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: JenJay on November 01, 2013, 11:24:52 AM
A moot point this late in the holiday season, but re: accommodating trick-or-treaters with allergies, I always keep a bowl of chocolatey treats and a bowl of non-edible treats, like temporary tattoos or stickers. Lots of children choose the tattoos over the chocolate! I love it, because they're vegan/kosher/gluten-free and, unlike a plastic cauldron full of York peppermint patties, I'm not tempted to raid the bowl!

That's brilliant and I'm going to set up a non-candy treat bowl next year, too. Thank you!
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Tea Drinker on November 01, 2013, 01:46:57 PM
If I was handing out candy (the building I live in now doesn't seem to be set up for trick-or-treating) I would want to accommodate allergies. Not, perhaps, everything: but I could as easily buy two or three different kinds of treat (for example, relatively plain chocolates, and something like Smarties or packets of jelly beans) as a larger amount of just one thing. But I might not think of it, without specific people and their known allergies in mind. I might just think "hey, I like the dark chocolate milky ways, I'll get those and eat any that are left over after Halloween." So while that sort of human interest/feature reminder might not be necessary, it doesn't feel snowflakey, if done from the point of view of "Local family has a child with an allergy, so makes a point of having several different kinds of candy for trick-or-treaters" rather than "woe is me, my child can't eat most of the Halloween candy."
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Promise on November 01, 2013, 01:51:30 PM
This is a good teaching opportunity about his allergy. You won't be able to protect him from every instance that he comes in contact with food he can't eat. Begin now by going through his candy with him, telling him and showing him which ones have peanuts and that eating that will make him very sick. Let him keep the ones that are ok and you eat the ones that are not. Of course you keep them secured in a place where he can't get them!
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: Deetee on November 01, 2013, 02:06:23 PM
This is a good teaching opportunity about his allergy. You won't be able to protect him from every instance that he comes in contact with food he can't eat. Begin now by going through his candy with him, telling him and showing him which ones have peanuts and that eating that will make him very sick. Let him keep the ones that are ok and you eat the ones that are not. Of course you keep them secured in a place where he can't get them!

This is about what I was going to post. I think a very , very, very important skill to teach a child with an allergy is that they are responsible for ensuring that what goes into their mouth is safe. This can start very early with the child NEVER eating something that was not given to them by a parent.

One of the kids at my daughter's kindergarten is allergic and I was chatting to her mom at a birthday party. The little girl came running up and showed some food to her mom and her mom quickly glanced at it and said it was OK. The mom mentioned that she just does that with everything so the girl knows that she must vet everything.  Right now, it is through a parent, but she is already aware that all food must go through a "Is this safe?" phase so when she is older she will do the check herself.

I thought this was a good system.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: lowspark on November 01, 2013, 02:13:55 PM
One of my coworkers has a daughter, 9 years old, who is allergic to peanuts. So I asked her what they do. She said they just toss the candy she can't eat. Or rather, they gave it to her nephew who happened to be visiting. We had a back and forth conversation about it and here's the gist of what she told me.

The daughter understands her peanut allergy and understands that she has to be careful about what she eats. She (the daughter) reads labels and avoids things that have been manufactured in places which have peanuts (although apparently she can eat some of those things). She doesn't get upset or disappointed about things she can't eat as she's pretty used to it. I was listing out the candy we had handed out last night, kitkat, whoppers, reese's & hershey's milk chocolate. Coworker said, oh, she can eat all of those except the reese's!

So, that's just one perspective but my coworker was really casual about the whole thing. I got the idea that, sure, it's an inconvenience and they hope she will outgrow the allergy as they test her periodically, and she has outgrown some other food allergies, but in the grand scheme of things, it's just not that big a deal. They deal with it and don't make it out to be anything to get in a twist about and the daughter takes it mostly in stride.
Title: Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
Post by: cass2591 on November 01, 2013, 02:29:47 PM
Quote
Why is attempting to draw public attention to a common issue appearing to be so offensive to people?

It's not the message in this case, albeit rather unrealistic considering it's Halloween, but the delivery. Thread locked.