Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => "I'm afraid that won't be possible." => Topic started by: laughtermed on November 08, 2013, 06:41:45 PM

Title: Thanks-E-Hell! Your Advice Paid Off!
Post by: laughtermed on November 08, 2013, 06:41:45 PM
I am returning home next week to my home state to visit family. Before making travel plans, I contacted Sib #1 to ask if the dates I selected would work. She agreed and said make your plans. I booked my flight, rental car, and hotel. I told Sib #2 of the dates who seemed OK at the time. Last weekend Sib #2 calls me and asks me to change the trip to one month later because it interferes with hunting season that he and Sib #3 look forward to every year. He sighs and just says "It's a bad time for everyone". I replied, "Everyone is busy all year". He reiterates, "You need to change your plans." I answer, 'I'm sorry that won't be possible. I'm not changing them. If you can't see me that week, I'm sorry". I felt my anger rising and hung up since I could no longer say anything else.

I am making this trip primarily to visit an elderly relative in poor health anyway and none of the 3 sibs have been asked to put me up in their homes or entertain me for the 6 days of the visit. If I traveled the next month, the bitter cold of my home state would probably cause me to have severe joint pain.

Sib #2 calls back repeatedly that day and I do not return any of the calls.

The next day he called, I was in a better frame of mind to deal with him. He said he was sorry and that it was only just an idea. I explained that life was too short to quarrel and hoped to see him sometime when I was there.

Sib #1 was amazed he called back to say he was sorry since he can be very difficult.

So I would like to thank this forum for all the support I have received to be able to do this and resolve a family conflict quickly and peacefully.
Title: Re: Thanks-E-Hell! Your Advice Paid Off!
Post by: jayhawk on November 08, 2013, 09:01:11 PM
Admiring that shiny, titanium spine you're sporting there!
Title: Re: Thanks-E-Hell! Your Advice Paid Off!
Post by: TootsNYC on November 08, 2013, 09:19:50 PM
Quote
felt my anger rising and hung up since I could no longer say anything else.




How very wise you are!

(and by "everyone," he meant him)
Title: Re: Thanks-E-Hell! Your Advice Paid Off!
Post by: Oh Joy on November 09, 2013, 08:43:13 AM
This is your hometown and family, I understand.  Was this part of hunting season important?

I ask because it's deer opener here today, and lots of families and organizations plan their fall around keeping this weekend open for those who will be gone or busy.  Heck, I was engaged to someone once who wanted to make sure we didn't conceive nine months earlier because it would create a standing conflict.  ;-)

Back to business, I only ask to get a feel of regional culture and norms. 
Title: Re: Thanks-E-Hell! Your Advice Paid Off!
Post by: Twik on November 18, 2013, 02:10:33 PM
Even if Sib2 had plans to hunt the snark, it does not entitle him to dictate his sister's travel plans.
Title: Update : Thanks-E-Hell! Your Advice Paid Off!
Post by: laughtermed on November 20, 2013, 06:25:01 PM
Back to Joy's question about the hunting-it was bow season for deer. During Day 2 of my visit, Sib #2 got a doe.  He was able to go to a family lunch the next day. I got a private visit with him and his family, so all went well. Sib 3 does not participate in bow season-he waits for shotgun season which would have been after the visit.

Hunting season or not, a relative who raised us is in ill health. She lives in a nursing home. She almost passed away last year but has since rebounded a little. Therefore visiting this person was a priority that all the family could  agree on.

We hope family peace continues.
Title: Re: Thanks-E-Hell! Your Advice Paid Off!
Post by: gramma dishes on November 20, 2013, 08:27:42 PM
I'm glad your visit went well.  And congratulations on your blindingly sparkly new spine!   :)
Title: Re: Thanks-E-Hell! Your Advice Paid Off!
Post by: dave_nun on December 18, 2013, 03:11:03 PM
i too am looking forward to using some of the tips on here next time i need them.
Title: Re: Update : Thanks-E-Hell! Your Advice Paid Off!
Post by: bloo on December 19, 2013, 12:16:19 PM
Thanks for sharing this, OP! I think you handled yourself well!

For the record, regarding the bolded, we have a very long bow season and a verrrrry short gun/muzzleloader season. I could see Sib#2 panicking a bit while he tried to figure out how to squeeze in time with you during gun season, but in our area, he'd have a period of several months to choose dates for hunting during bow season.

As you acknowledged that Sib#2 can be 'difficult', then he may have behaved that way no matter what.

Good job!

Back to Joy's question about the hunting-it was bow season for deer. During Day 2 of my visit, Sib #2 got a doe.  He was able to go to a family lunch the next day. I got a private visit with him and his family, so all went well. Sib 3 does not participate in bow season-he waits for shotgun season which would have been after the visit.

Hunting season or not, a relative who raised us is in ill health. She lives in a nursing home. She almost passed away last year but has since rebounded a little. Therefore visiting this person was a priority that all the family could  agree on.

We hope family peace continues.