Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Holidays => Topic started by: Gail on December 12, 2013, 05:59:49 AM

Title: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: Gail on December 12, 2013, 05:59:49 AM
I didn't want to hijack the other thread, so I will post my story here.

Many years ago, when I was just a lab duckling, I was ordered to attend a work dinner with my boss. A girl from Accounting and me were needed to be there "for support", he said. So he told us date, place and time, and gave us a guide for dressing accordingly, and dismissed us. We were very excited because it was going to be our first "business dinner", so we dressed very professionally, put very little makeup, and got to the restaurant in her car.

When we entered the restaurant everybody was standing chatting in groups and didn't notice us, so we toured the floor looking for our boss. He wasn't there. We recognized a man who had been to the lab several times, and very relieved we went to ask him... to find that it was the work dinner for his OTHER business (he managed one and was a partner in the other). Even more, he hadn't told them a thing about us.

We apologized and tried to leave, but they wouldn't let us. They ordered the waiters to put another table to elongate the already prepared one, and to prepare two more spaces. Everybody sat and made us sit with them, and even included us in the conversation. Which was a good thing, because my boss arrived ONE HOUR late, with his wife (who wasn't invited, either, but nobody told her) and didn't even look at us during the whole night. The girl and me were fuming, but we didn't say anything.

The following morning, at work, he only said that he expected we had enjoyed the dinner.  >:( >:( >:(
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: Nikko-chan on December 12, 2013, 07:02:46 AM
That's just awful, Gail! If this ever happens again, even if they try to do the gracious thing and let you into the dinner, insist you have other plans. "Oh I did have something important to do, thought boss needed me, so sorry for the misunderstanding." And hightail it out of there!

My awkward story:

Couple of halloweens ago, (in my pre ehell days) my sisters friends were having a party. "Are you sure I am invited?" I asked repeatedly.

Sister assured me that with this crowd the more the merrier and they wouldn't mind. Party day arrives and we all get ready. We arrive, after a few mishaps. Yeah... needless to say, the party was awkward... at least for me.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: 123sandy on December 12, 2013, 07:30:22 AM
Many years ago a "friend" told me I was invited to lunch at another friends house. I was delighted with the invitation as I hadn't seen the other woman for a while. Day of lunch arrives and I arrive for lunch to find two others there too. Nothing was actually said but I caught looks amongst the other four (yes, including the person who told me I was invited). It was extremely uncomfortable and since that day I don't consider myself invited anywhere unless the invite comes from the host.

I still cringe thinking about it.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: Yvaine on December 12, 2013, 08:21:28 AM
My dad took us once to a holiday parade in the nearby city, and for some unknown reason, during the parade decided to crash the office party of a local TV station whose building was along the parade route, with the lot of us in tow. We got kicked out.

I also got brought once as someone's "plus one" to a wedding, and some three hours into the reception when the groom came over to greet our table, realized from his awkward demeanor that the person probably hadn't been given a plus one at all. But at that point it was almost over, I'd already been there for hours and eaten, so there wasn't much to be done.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: cwm on December 12, 2013, 09:42:05 AM
Well, kind of, yes. My best friend's boyfriend was part of another person's wedding party. She was his +1 for the party. I was staying with her for a few days (had to get out of my house or say some really stupid things to my parents) and she didn't want to abandon me, so she actually texted the bride and asked if I could come along.

Bride did say yes, it was a very small themed wedding (Robin Hood!) in a local park, and a potluck reception (don't get me started on that...) so it was all very informal. They were very gracious to have me there, and I actually met my boyfriend that day, so it didn't end up being too bad.

In elementary school I never fit in. I'd always get the invitations to Halloween or birthday parties for all my classmates, but after the first few years of having every single classmate stare at me when I showed up, I stopped going. I may have been invited, but I wasn't wanted. It wasn't worth the humiliation of showing up and knowing I wasn't wanted, it was better to just not tell my parents I had an invitation in the first place.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: PennyandPleased on December 12, 2013, 10:07:22 AM
I didn't want to hijack the other thread, so I will post my story here.

Many years ago, when I was just a lab duckling, I was ordered to attend a work dinner with my boss. A girl from Accounting and me were needed to be there "for support", he said. So he told us date, place and time, and gave us a guide for dressing accordingly, and dismissed us. We were very excited because it was going to be our first "business dinner", so we dressed very professionally, put very little makeup, and got to the restaurant in her car.

When we entered the restaurant everybody was standing chatting in groups and didn't notice us, so we toured the floor looking for our boss. He wasn't there. We recognized a man who had been to the lab several times, and very relieved we went to ask him... to find that it was the work dinner for his OTHER business (he managed one and was a partner in the other). Even more, he hadn't told them a thing about us.

We apologized and tried to leave, but they wouldn't let us. They ordered the waiters to put another table to elongate the already prepared one, and to prepare two more spaces. Everybody sat and made us sit with them, and even included us in the conversation. Which was a good thing, because my boss arrived ONE HOUR late, with his wife (who wasn't invited, either, but nobody told her) and didn't even look at us during the whole night. The girl and me were fuming, but we didn't say anything.

The following morning, at work, he only said that he expected we had enjoyed the dinner.  >:( >:( >:(

Ummmmmmm I'm pretty sure we may have had the same boss. Mine was a complete you-know-what and did something similar to me multiple times. Humiliating at 23. I wish him the worst in life and I'm not even sorry about saying that.

Well, kind of, yes. My best friend's boyfriend was part of another person's wedding party. She was his +1 for the party. I was staying with her for a few days (had to get out of my house or say some really stupid things to my parents) and she didn't want to abandon me, so she actually texted the bride and asked if I could come along.

Bride did say yes, it was a very small themed wedding (Robin Hood!) in a local park, and a potluck reception (don't get me started on that...) so it was all very informal. They were very gracious to have me there, and I actually met my boyfriend that day, so it didn't end up being too bad.

In elementary school I never fit in. I'd always get the invitations to Halloween or birthday parties for all my classmates, but after the first few years of having every single classmate stare at me when I showed up, I stopped going. I may have been invited, but I wasn't wanted. It wasn't worth the humiliation of showing up and knowing I wasn't wanted, it was better to just not tell my parents I had an invitation in the first place.


Sorry to read this 'cwm'. I've been there. Screw those kids.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 12, 2013, 10:46:53 AM
I think maybe this happened to me, but I'm still not 100% sure. One of my best friends from college got married on NYE right after we graduated. In CA, where her husband was from. We were from the east coast, and def. invited to the wedding, but the lodging arrangements were never really quite made clear.

Another friend was on the west coast already, on vacation, and I flew out the day of the rehersal dinner - and was staying in the hotel where the reception took place, in a room with this friend, and a second one. No issues there.

Next day dawns, we gather in the ballroom to decorate for the reception, and then get ready for the wedding.  at some point, someone, either bride or friend, said we were going to stay at the groom's parent's house that night. Um ok, fine. They "apparently" had said it was ok for us out of towners to stay with them. But this came second hand, so really not sure if we were actually invited, or they felt put on teh spot when asked.

So after the wedding, we go to the house, and as its NYE, plus right after the weddig, the house is full. I ended up sleeping on blankets on the floor in the family room, which was fine, except I was jetlagged and tired and could not go to sleep untl every left after midnight. SO I'm sitting there, trying to stay awak.e to make matters worse, my two friends decided THEY were going to go OUT for NYE, and disappeared. So here I am, with groom's family and friends, knowing no one. VERY awkward.

next day, friends are back, and we are all (family etc) awaiting the B&G. who finally show up in the afternoon, and proceed to open gifts.

At this point, my two friends decided they were going to drive back to San Francisco (we were in N. CA) and try and get on an earlier flight standby. I wasn't leaving until the next day, but I decided I was going to go back to the hotel, and stay there, and leave from there. I was not at all comfortable staying another night in the groom's parent's house.

Thankfully i had my mom's cc, for emergencies, which we deeded this was one, and i got a room, but I still feel badly, 25 years later, as I'm not entirely convinced we were actually INVITED to stay, or someone asked, they felt they obligated.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: FauxFoodist on December 12, 2013, 02:25:58 PM
I forgot that I did have this happen to me once 18-19 years ago!

The friend of a mutual friend told me about a college Christmas party taking place (alcohol was available but no food), told me where it was and to bring a gift for the gift exchange.  I was so excited (had a crush on MutualFriend), asked coworkers what kind of gift I should bring, fussed about what to wear and happily made my way to the party after work.  MutualFriend was not very happy, but I didn't understand why at the time.  I learned from MutualFriend a few weeks later that Friend ran around telling people about this party when it wasn't an open invite party.  I felt like an idiot.  The person who was giving the party was very gracious though, told me where to set my gift and never indicated to me that I was crashing her party (someone did take the gift I brought, however, and I didn't end up getting anything).
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: poundcake on December 12, 2013, 02:36:49 PM
My father was notorious for inviting people to other people's events, or bringing friends (or his kids) to "drop by" places that were entirely unsuitable. Many a time with him, I ended up sitting and waiting at his friend's girlfriend's mother's house, a bored pre-teen, while he visited. However, it never became clearer than the day he showed up and said he wanted us to go with him to a cousin's wedding reception. I was somewhere around 19 at the time, and had no clue anyway. I asked "Are you sure it's okay?" and he assured me it was, so I got dressed and went to the wedding reception with him, for a cousin I had never met, daughter of other cousins I had never met, and with no other family members from his side that I knew. At the time, I just felt bored and awkward, but later, I realized just how incredibly rude it was for him to assume he could bring his teenaged kids along to a formal wedding reception because "Of course, it's faaaaaaamily!" I have no idea if the HC or her parents were annoyed by this or not, because, of course, I've never seen or heard from any of them since. I sometimes wonder if my father just found a family with the same last name, and poached on the free sit-down dinner or something.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: mime on December 12, 2013, 03:03:02 PM
I have a dear impulsive lifelong friend Crystal who placed her newborn baby with another family. It was an open adoption and she was in close contact with the new mom and dad, and I've met them a few times myself (including at the hospital for the birth).

When BabyGirl turned a year old, there was a party and Crystal was invited. She told me "we" were invited. I had fun shopping selecting gifts and rode with Crystal to the party.

I was warmly welcomed by the mom. The dad was surprised to see me and it showed, but he recovered well. They were both welcoming and gracious but I was embarassed, and Crystal was my ride home. They had plenty of food and plenty of room and really seemed to be of "the more the merrier" opinion.

Ultimately I was glad I was there, though. The party was filled with family. Crystal was the only non-relative there, so I was glad that she wasn't alone in what could be an awkward gathering for her. I was also glad to smooth over a couple of uncomfortable moments when Crystal made comments that showed she hadn't completely "let go" of BabyGirl yet. I also looked after Crystal's little boy while she got the chance to visit with BabyGirl's Mom and Dad.

When it was time to leave, they thanked me for coming. Again I was embarassed-- too embarassed to apologize or mention the fact that I now realized I hadn't been invited. I thanked them for having me. Later they sent me a thank-you note for the gift, along with a picture of BabyGirl. Some time later when my first baby was born they sent a very sweet gift.

(Edited to add a word I missed.)
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: mumma to KMC on December 12, 2013, 03:38:39 PM
Not that I can recall, but I'm commenting to receive updates!
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: Dazi on December 12, 2013, 08:08:54 PM
I was a plus 1 for a person who didn't have a plus 1.  The host were very gracious about it, but I still felt weird.

I had an odd invite once.  I was very good friends with the male half of the couple, not the female half.  The male friend invited me and his SO was obviously pissed I showed up, "crashing" her party.  I didn't know what was going on at the time, but his SO thought I was trying to steal her man and had not invited me on purpose.  I made my way through one round of small talk to the other mutual friends and "got a sudden headache" and made my retreat...I was there all of maybe 20 minutes.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: kherbert05 on December 12, 2013, 08:57:56 PM
Yes - I came very close to strangling a few cousins and a sister.

I had been water skiing with my Uncle. I was in the downstairs shower when there was a thumping on the door. Hurry up Kate and Rachel are on the way to get us. I got out got dressed, walked out, was handed a different set of clothes, got changed.

Where are we going Grant and Phil are playing Jazz at some club and we are going and meeting ton of other cousins. So I get in the car with Sis, Kate, and Rachel. We stop at the Provential liquor store to buy something for the party.

What party? I thought we are going go see Grant and Phil play?

Oh that isn't till 10 pm (it is now 6) we are going to BYOB party at friends house. Fine can we stop at grocery and get me some Coke, I don't drink.

Kate freaks out - what are you going to hate me, do you think I'm a terrible person. Sis - Kimberly isn't your Mom  - she just doesn't drink. Don't you know what our Dad does for a living - he sells beer.

We go to the party. I'm fixing a soda. Girl asks me what in the #(#$*#*@ I'm doing in her house.

Me - I don't know I'm Kate and Rachel's cousin and I thought we were going to Jazz club to see our Cousins Grant and Phil play.

Her - well I know your lying Kate and Rachel aren't cousins. (I swallow because I know were this is going)

Me - Yes they are 2nd cousins Kate's mom and My mom are sister's. Our grandfather and Rachel's grandmother were siblings. We're 2nd cousin

Her that is impossible

Me UGG

Her Rachel Kate this girl says your cousins who is she.

Kate and Rachel - we are cousins and she is our cousin

Her you can't be Your white and your black

Me - (I really don't like racists) Actually Kate is Irish/Scottish/Arcadian and Rachel is Irish/Jamaican. We all share the same Irish Great-Grandparents

Her - That is impossible (Note she is drunk) We leave.

The rest of the night. We go to club run into Kate's brother. Sis gives him a hug, his girl friend comes up and slaps both of them. Honestly it was just a hug.

We get to the Jazz club, Kate is trying to hide the fact she is drinking from 2 brothers, a sister, and a slew of cousins from Rachel's side. Sis and I get tired of it and have an intervention Surprise - you are all legal and you all drink - your Dad drinks that is why he and our Dad used to go to the K Of C hall whenever we were at your house. (Oldest two were clued into that and point out their Dad was 3 sheets to the wind at an Uncle's wedding) Oh and your Mom was an unholy terror in her late teens and early twenties.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: bopper on December 13, 2013, 09:27:23 AM
I think for Crystal you shouldn't feel bad...she probably felt like she needed some support.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: alkira6 on December 13, 2013, 12:45:24 PM
Oh, yes, this does bring back awkward memories.  I too was that kid invited to a B-day party but not really "invited".  The looks I got when I was dropped off were absolutely disgusted.  I managed to give the birthday girl her gift and kind of stand there awkwardly while everyone else had fun.  I faked sick to go home early (it was a sleepover) and the looks of relief on the other girls faces was scarring.

In college it happened again.  I was the awkward pity invite to a church gathering who wound up serving food and helping clean up to keep myself busy.  Christian charity only ran to the invite, not actual inclusion.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: Marisol on December 13, 2013, 12:55:45 PM
I was invited by the hostess, but it was her work Holiday party.  I know I was technically an invited guest, but the gathering was the official work party for her team that she, as the manager, throws for them every year.  They gave each other really nice gifts and I felt like the odd one out as I was the only person not part of the team.  Had I know what this party was I wouldn't have come.   
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: LadyL on December 13, 2013, 01:32:40 PM
It happened this year! LordL's mother told us that the family would be celebrating Christmas at LordL's brother's house. We planned to go (it's several states away) and I was researching places to stay, when LordL finally talked to his brother who admitted that he had NOT invited their parents or ANY of their relatives to come for the holidays - he was planning on hosting just his girlfriend's family (they live nearby). So basically my MIL invited her entire family to go there without her son's consent. Thankfully for most of them, it's a really far trip, so I think it will just be 4 people "crashing" the party (we decided not to go). As LordL's brother put it, "I am never mentioning the words Christmas party or hosting to our mom ever again." It also taught us that all invitations issued by MIL to a place other than her home must be verified with the supposed "host."
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: mechtilde on December 13, 2013, 02:11:23 PM
My then boyfriend and I were involved in re-enactment. He took me along to a weekend event, and said it would be fine. I got suspicious and asked if they actually knew I was coming. He reassured me it was fine. Foolishly I took him at his word.

You will not be surprised to hear that the organisers had no idea I would be there. This was a major issue as there were limited places, and they had turned other uninvited people away. To make matters worse they felt sorry for me and were incredibly nice to me all weekend.

I later began to realise that this was typical of him.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: MommyPenguin on December 20, 2013, 12:42:10 PM
It happened this year! LordL's mother told us that the family would be celebrating Christmas at LordL's brother's house. We planned to go (it's several states away) and I was researching places to stay, when LordL finally talked to his brother who admitted that he had NOT invited their parents or ANY of their relatives to come for the holidays - he was planning on hosting just his girlfriend's family (they live nearby). So basically my MIL invited her entire family to go there without her son's consent. Thankfully for most of them, it's a really far trip, so I think it will just be 4 people "crashing" the party (we decided not to go). As LordL's brother put it, "I am never mentioning the words Christmas party or hosting to our mom ever again." It also taught us that all invitations issued by MIL to a place other than her home must be verified with the supposed "host."

Have you considered inviting your MIL/FIL to your house, saying you'd like to host the LordL family Christmas?  I know it's last minute, but would take the heat off LordL's brother when he's trying to host his in-laws.  Just a thought.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: LadyL on December 20, 2013, 01:02:38 PM
It happened this year! LordL's mother told us that the family would be celebrating Christmas at LordL's brother's house. We planned to go (it's several states away) and I was researching places to stay, when LordL finally talked to his brother who admitted that he had NOT invited their parents or ANY of their relatives to come for the holidays - he was planning on hosting just his girlfriend's family (they live nearby). So basically my MIL invited her entire family to go there without her son's consent. Thankfully for most of them, it's a really far trip, so I think it will just be 4 people "crashing" the party (we decided not to go). As LordL's brother put it, "I am never mentioning the words Christmas party or hosting to our mom ever again." It also taught us that all invitations issued by MIL to a place other than her home must be verified with the supposed "host."

Have you considered inviting your MIL/FIL to your house, saying you'd like to host the LordL family Christmas?  I know it's last minute, but would take the heat off LordL's brother when he's trying to host his in-laws.  Just a thought.

We've already committed to attending three different Christmas/Christmas Eve events (each of my divorced parents + extended family). We also live in an apartment which is fine for hosting cocktail type parties but not so much sit down dinners with more than 4 people, and I don't think my GMIL would make it up the two flights of stairs. Oh, and we haven't done a single bit of decorating because we're lazy! We might get a table top tree this weekend.

If we ever do host for the holidays we'd probably do a Festivus party because we don't celebrate anything religious. I am pretty sure LordL's 90 year old grandfather would win at "Feats of Strength" if only through sheer Eastern European stubbornness, and with that family, the Airing of Grievances would double as entertainment!  >:D

 
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: VorFemme on December 20, 2013, 02:46:18 PM
When it came to church events, I was the preacher's oldest daughter.  Teen events could not exclude the preacher's daughter (daughters, when Lil Sis got to the same age group) - but we were NOT popular and it was awkward at times.

There were times when I wished I was sick so that I had a reason not to go to the Youth party because I would be sitting in a corner with NO ONE to talk to...

Lil Sis had it slightly easier - band kids did not "cut" other band kids - well, except for the one who turned out to be stealing money from people in the band hall...but it took a while to get good enough at playing music to be accepted as a "band kid".  I never got that good....
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: mumma to KMC on December 20, 2013, 04:42:51 PM
I do have a story!

A few years ago, my husband and I went camping with our kids. Part of the plan was to meet up with his parents and camp with them for a few days. This worked out fairly well (I bit my tongue a lot). That was until my MIL said that her sister had invited us to stay at her house for a night, as we weren't too far from her.
 
We pack up our gear and head over to her house. She answers the door and said "The kids are sick, I told you that!" to my MIL. I was pretty upset at that point. (and as soon as she said sick, I said we'd leave, I didn't want my kids to get sick.) I apologized to her and got back in the car, telling my husband that I didn't care where we went that night, but I was not going to be near my MIL.

Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: Emmy on December 21, 2013, 06:18:32 AM
I was friends with a guy who was going to be the best man in a wedding.  My friend, the groom, and myself went bowling one night and had a good time.  This was my first time meeting the groom.  My friend told me the next day, the groom had invited me to his wedding.  On the day of the wedding I get a call from my friend who tells me the bride didn't approve of the invitation (I never met her) so I was uninvited at the last minute.

Another time I was the plus one of a female friend to a wedding.  Her boyfriend was overseas so she invited me because she didn't want to be alone.  This friend and I didn't see each other much due to our busy schedules and always enjoyed getting together so I figured it would be fun.  When we got to the reception, there was no chair or spot at the table for me.  The staff at the restaurant had to ask the HC if they wanted to add one.  The were gracious and said 'yes', but I was embarrassed.  (Just for the record, we took my friend's car.  There was a genuine misunderstanding because she said she RSVP'd for herself plus a guest.  It wasn't like she just invited me without being allowed a guest).
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: Green70000 on January 23, 2014, 01:24:26 PM
Yes and no. There was a girl my brother and I both had in different classes with us, let's call her Sally, and we both considered her a friend. Sally decided to send out invitations to a birthday party via email. (The way our emails are set up is the standard first letter of first name + full last name. So Jane Smith would be jsmith and Tod Smith would be tsmith etc.)

All this to say that my brother and mine's email addresses were one letter apart. He got an invite and I didn't which I thought was sad but I certainly wasn't going to call her up and demand to be invited. He arrived at the party to learn that it was a girls-only slumber party and I was the one supposed to be invited not him. So he accidentally crashed a party he was technically invited to.

The lesson, make sure you RSVP and make sure you invite the people you intend to.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: mime on January 24, 2014, 09:10:59 AM
Yes and no. There was a girl my brother and I both had in different classes with us, let's call her Sally, and we both considered her a friend. Sally decided to send out invitations to a birthday party via email. (The way our emails are set up is the standard first letter of first name + full last name. So Jane Smith would be jsmith and Tod Smith would be tsmith etc.)

All this to say that my brother and mine's email addresses were one letter apart. He got an invite and I didn't which I thought was sad but I certainly wasn't going to call her up and demand to be invited. He arrived at the party to learn that it was a girls-only slumber party and I was the one supposed to be invited not him. So he accidentally crashed a party he was technically invited to.

The lesson, make sure you RSVP and make sure you invite the people you intend to.

I'm picturing this story like a sitcom episode. It was probably very awkward and embarassing at the time, but I hope you can both laugh at it now!
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: Sanity Lost on January 29, 2014, 08:25:14 PM
I was not the non-invited but the "pity" invited guest. 3 hours of torture with no one to talk to but the parents, because the other girls would not even acknowledge my existence. Unless it was to loudly ask the girl hosting "why is she here" and hearing "My mom made me".

yeah I had subscriptions of issues growing up. Fortunately I have outgrown them with the love and support of true friends and DH.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: Adelaide on February 13, 2014, 11:04:10 PM
1. I'm not sure if this counts, but I was part of a philanthropy group at my undergrad university that was directly led by the President's wife and a Master's degree student. Said student had me helping out at a job fair, tearing down tables and helping people move things to their cars, and when I showed up for my designated time slot a) most everyone had gone b) the Master's student had to rush off c) no one needed help with the small things and light posters they'd brought. So I stood around awkwardly all that time for no reason and basically circled the room before realizing that I could just leave. I was there for maybe fifteen minutes. Myself and the other students working other time slots had been given the impression that we were really needed to help out with this career fair, but the reality was we were superfluous.

2. This is sort of a mirror to the current topic. A girl friend got married and made sure to tell us orally and in writing that all bridesmaids could bring a date. She was pretty adamant about the date, which was puzzling, and so were the bridesmaids, and they seemed perturbed that I didn't have one. I was puzzled as to why until I saw the setup of the tables: There was one table for the bridesmaids and dates and another for the groomsmen and dates, and a few others for guests. The thing was, all of these groups were pretty far apart. At dinner there was an empty chair beside me and the other girls spent the time talking to their boyfriends. I didn't have a boyfriend at the time and I didn't know of a guy who wanted to drive up an hour into the mountains to get to the wedding-I'd spent the night the previous night before in the cabin so I was already there. But yeah, really awkward.  I cut out as quickly as was polite.

3. A guy friend once dragged me to a party with some girls from a sorority and his fraternity. Everyone was loaded and I personally wanted a drink to sort of loosen up because I didn't know anyone, but when I went into the kitchen they were all staring at me like I had a second head-I'm not saying that this is true of all fraternities/sororities but since I wasn't Greek, they made it veryclear that I wasn't wanted and they didn't appreciate me pouring myself a drink. I heard my friend arguing with a girl around the corner and her saying "Okay, but why did you even bring her and is she gonna drink all of our booze." I didn't end up getting a drink and spent most of the night outside on my phone.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: weeblewobble on February 28, 2014, 07:46:11 AM
Adelaide, I struggled with 1)  with a volunteer group this year. The head organizer, Carla, would give us the impression that we were desperately needed to complete vital task XYZ and then when we arrived to help with the task, Carla would bustle around the room, scrambling to compete said task and would not stop to give us instructions on how to help.  And if we guessed how to help and did something wrong, her reaction was ... not good.  I got really tired of waiting around to psychically guess how I was supposed to help out, so I told Carla that if she needed my help, she needed to make her needs clear.  Otherwise, I had things I needed to accomplish at home.

Carla got offended. But other members told me this was a long-standing pattern with Carla and most "work days" basically boil down to "everybody stand around and watch how hard Carla works."  I stepped down my involvement in the organization considerably.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: bettyspaghetti on August 13, 2014, 06:43:01 PM
We were invited by friends to go camping with them at a relative's cabin in the mountains.  We were assured that all we needed was our camping gear and snacks, all the meals were sorted and it was going to be great fun!  It turned out that the relatives were not impressed that we had arrived uninvited and without adequate food.  Our friends and their relatives obviously had an argument of some kind and so we all kind of hung out in our camper trailer and did our own thing.  As soon as humanly possible, I made a grocery run into town and we left as soon as we could.  So awkward!  We've since been invited again (they all go every year) but we have no intentions of ever going again!
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: Alicia on August 13, 2014, 07:00:51 PM
A few years ago I was supposed to be joining a friend of mine at his friends house for a Halloween party I was supposed to arrive first and he was heading there later. I accidentally went to the wrong home introduced myself as Eric's friend and start chatting having fun even helping set up the bar. Uhm I was two doors down from the correct party . Opps.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: PastryGoddess on August 13, 2014, 07:23:02 PM
A few years ago I was supposed to be joining a friend of mine at his friends house for a Halloween party I was supposed to arrive first and he was heading there later. I accidentally went to the wrong home introduced myself as Eric's friend and start chatting having fun even helping set up the bar. Uhm I was two doors down from the correct party . Opps.

I've met some of my best friends that way :)  It's also much easier to get away with it when you are 18 and stupid :D
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: Alicia on August 13, 2014, 07:49:15 PM
A few years ago I was supposed to be joining a friend of mine at his friends house for a Halloween party I was supposed to arrive first and he was heading there later. I accidentally went to the wrong home introduced myself as Eric's friend and start chatting having fun even helping set up the bar. Uhm I was two doors down from the correct party . Opps.

I've met some of my best friends that way :)  It's also much easier to get away with it when you are 18 and stupid :D
  sadly I was in my late twenties.  On bright side I looked Hot in my costume so I figure super hot gal at party is rarely a negative.  It was one of my most sexy costume ever.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: PastryGoddess on August 13, 2014, 08:57:06 PM
A few years ago I was supposed to be joining a friend of mine at his friends house for a Halloween party I was supposed to arrive first and he was heading there later. I accidentally went to the wrong home introduced myself as Eric's friend and start chatting having fun even helping set up the bar. Uhm I was two doors down from the correct party . Opps.

I've met some of my best friends that way :)  It's also much easier to get away with it when you are 18 and stupid :D
  sadly I was in my late twenties.  On bright side I looked Hot in my costume so I figure super hot gal at party is rarely a negative.  It was one of my most sexy costume ever.

LOL :D
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: TeamBhakta on August 14, 2014, 12:29:47 AM
Sort of. In jr high sunday school, I received an invitation to someone's birthday party. The birthday girl was the nicest, sweetest person in church and her family was the nicest one in church overall. Unfortunately, I was not friends with her. I mean, we had been in the same sunday school classes since we were 5 and would make polite random comments to each other. But we weren't friends or anything. She'd never invited me to a party before. I suspect her mother incorrectly thought "Some people might feel left out if you don't invite every girl."

I felt completely out of place at her party, since she and all the other girls from church went to school together or ran in the same circles. I really had nothing of interest to contribute at the party, even though the girl and her mom made sure everyone felt welcome, fed, etc. I didn't sew, know anybody they were talking about and I wasn't a frilly girly girl. So yeah, it sucked being the random pity invite. I would've rather been not invited in the first place  :P
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: lowspark on August 14, 2014, 10:45:24 AM
A few years ago I was supposed to be joining a friend of mine at his friends house for a Halloween party I was supposed to arrive first and he was heading there later. I accidentally went to the wrong home introduced myself as Eric's friend and start chatting having fun even helping set up the bar. Uhm I was two doors down from the correct party . Opps.

I've met some of my best friends that way :)  It's also much easier to get away with it when you are 18 and stupid :D
  sadly I was in my late twenties.  On bright side I looked Hot in my costume so I figure super hot gal at party is rarely a negative.  It was one of my most sexy costume ever.

Ya gotta tell us the rest of the story.  :)
How'd you finally figure out it was the wrong party and what did you say when you left?
And did you tell the people at the right party what had just happened?
I find the whole thing so funny!
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: bloo on August 17, 2014, 09:15:07 AM
A few years ago I was supposed to be joining a friend of mine at his friends house for a Halloween party I was supposed to arrive first and he was heading there later. I accidentally went to the wrong home introduced myself as Eric's friend and start chatting having fun even helping set up the bar. Uhm I was two doors down from the correct party . Opps.

I've met some of my best friends that way :)  It's also much easier to get away with it when you are 18 and stupid :D
  sadly I was in my late twenties.  On bright side I looked Hot in my costume so I figure super hot gal at party is rarely a negative.  It was one of my most sexy costume ever.

Ya gotta tell us the rest of the story.  :)
How'd you finally figure out it was the wrong party and what did you say when you left?
And did you tell the people at the right party what had just happened?
I find the whole thing so funny!

Yes, please share! That is so cute and funny!
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: jayhawk on August 19, 2014, 04:18:29 PM
Sort of. In jr high sunday school, I received an invitation to someone's birthday party. The birthday girl was the nicest, sweetest person in church and her family was the nicest one in church overall. Unfortunately, I was not friends with her. I mean, we had been in the same sunday school classes since we were 5 and would make polite random comments to each other. But we weren't friends or anything. She'd never invited me to a party before. I suspect her mother incorrectly thought "Some people might feel left out if you don't invite every girl."

I felt completely out of place at her party, since she and all the other girls from church went to school together or ran in the same circles. I really had nothing of interest to contribute at the party, even though the girl and her mom made sure everyone felt welcome, fed, etc. I didn't sew, know anybody they were talking about and I wasn't a frilly girl girl. So yeah, it sucked being the random pity invite. I would've rather been not invited in the first place  :P

Are you me in a parallel universe?
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: TeamBhakta on August 19, 2014, 05:57:44 PM
Quote

Are you me in a parallel universe?

That depends. Did you ever almost spin into a glass figurines shelf during pin the tail on the donkey ? Or wondered what would happen if you brought up "Oh hey, I collect baseball cards." :P
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: greencat on August 19, 2014, 10:18:28 PM
I did almost the same thing as Alicia - I knocked on the door and was let into the wrong neighbor's house.  Fortunately, the neighbors whose house I walked into were the rest of the guests going over to the house next door (I was one door off in the townhouse) and it all worked out fine, although we were all a bit confused.

I have been let into several houses/apartments whose doors I knocked on in error, actually.  A lot of places around here are impossible to tell apart in the dark.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: gmatoy on October 22, 2014, 09:10:08 PM
Once my best friend from high school came over to see me and he was standing knocking on our door when the neighbor's friend saw him and told him that he was at the wrong door. Cue confused look on BF's face. I had opened the door as the neighbor's friend said that, so BF knew he was in the right place. He says to me, "Why did he think I was in the wrong place, he doesn't know me?" I started to laugh and said, "BF, you, neighbor and the neighbor's friend are all the same race...think that might have anything to do with it?"

Lots of laughter, but to this day, I always tell him he is in the wrong place when he comes over. ;)
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: Zen on October 22, 2014, 09:52:10 PM
Just once. DH and I weren't married, but we had been together for 4 years and living together for about a year at the time this happened. He received an invite for a sit down duck dinner from a friend and his wife. He assumed that I was invited since they were generally welcoming, and they knew about me and had had me over as a plus one to various gaming related events in the past. They had also invited about 10 other people, so maybe he thought what is one more person?
What he was a little too oblivious to was that the friend and his wife thought I was scum (for some reason because I loved the wonderful strangeness that is my husband there was something wrong with me). Anyway, he showed up with me and it was awful. The wife decided to tell me that I hadn't been invited but since I was there anyway they could probably accommodate me. Like any non-oblivious person, I decided that was my cue to leave. The grown man now known as my husband threw a small fit, and I stayed. I still regret I didn't leave. I haven't been back to their house since, nor will I ever. That was the end of my attempt to be nice to all of his friends. 
They came to one of our last Halloween parties at our house and didn't bother to say hello to either of us. I guess they're just too whatever for basic courtesy.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: Celany on October 23, 2014, 02:20:54 PM
oh my goodness, YES, and I'd nearly forgotten. It was so embarrassing. I was actually the non-invited guest's non-invited guest.  :-[

When I was in college, I briefly (very, very briefly) dated a guy who I will call Perfect Snowflake. His parents (Mr. & Mrs. Snowflake) thought that he was simply the most perfectest human to ever walk the earth. After we'd been d@ting for a few weeks, he invited me to a wedding the following weekend. Being young (I was around 19), it didn't occur to me to wonder how he'd have a +1 invitation for a wedding that was only a week away.

Wedding & reception are both at the grandparent's home of the bride, it's out in the country, about a 2 hour drive from Perfect's home, and a 3 hour drive from mine. So I drove to Perfect's home, and then his parents drove us all out to the wedding.

We get there, and there are *maybe* 20 people there. Many of them are glaring daggers at us. I'm confused, and kinda freaked out to have so many people looking at me like I'm some kind of social abomination. Turns out that Mrs. Snowflake is the aunt of the groom. The wedding was supposed to be for immediate family and closest friends only. The only family invited were parents, grandparents, aunt & uncles (and husbands/wives of aunts/uncles, but NOT the cousins). Bride & groom only had invited their 2-3 closest friends, outside of family. So having us there was a HUGE strain on the menu planned (it was a very fancy catered meal), as well as was deeply awkward, since we obviously stuck out.

I found this all out because MoB didn't realize that I was in the bathroom when she was freaking out about it to someone nearby. Turns out, Mrs. Snowflake is well-known for not understanding the concept that being invited to something doesn't mean that her son is automatically invited. It was deliberately said within Mrs. Snowflake's hearing that the wedding was VERY small, and that no cousins were invited. MoB was complaining that she *knew* someone should have point-blank told Mrs. Snowflake that her son wasn't invited, but that bride had been worried about Mrs. Snowflake making a scene if they pointedly told her that her son wasn't invited, so they didn't.

I spent most of my time there skulking around the yard/in the car, as I had absolutely no idea what to do, and was totally mortified. Mrs & Mr Snowflake & my BF kept trying to convince me to join the festivities, and I kept saying that I didn't feel well & wanted to stay in the car, away from everybody, so I wouldn't get them sick.

In retrospect, now that I have more experience in the world, I don't know what I would have done, but I probably wouldn't have skulked around outside. Maybe put on my best face and tried to stay unobtrusively in the background? Although there really wasn't much in the way of "background" with such a small wedding, so...I dunno.

At least now I'd have a cell phone, so I could theoretically call someone to come get me.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: missmolly on October 23, 2014, 03:01:53 PM
Not me, but when my brother was 19 he was convinced by his friend Marty that he should go to Marty's sister Lizzie's wedding as his +1. Marty told him that he originally wanted to invite his new GF Kay, but she had a conflicting event, so Bro could just take her place. Bro was unsure, but he decided to go along.

After the ceremony, the family were very polite to Bro, but he could see that they were barely disguising their annoyance with Marty. At the reception he was put on a table with about three other guests, what he realised was the 'leftover' table. Later in the evening he caught up with Marty and told him point blank that it was obvious that he wasn't invited. Marty, (pretty drunk at this stage) admitted that he was pushing for them to invite Kay to the wedding, but his sister and parents refused as they had only been dating a few weeks, and space was already really limited. Had Kay not had a prior commitment that weekend, Marty had planned to bring her anyway, but I guess he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to stick it to his family.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: Venus193 on November 18, 2014, 08:29:18 AM
This happened a few weeks ago.

I received what turned out to be a forwarded Evite from someone I know through Meetup.  The party host was another person I knew from a group they both ran (which I had just taken over from her).  She said she hoped I could come.  I scanned the invitation (the guest list was completely visible) and didn't see my name or notice anything about +1's.  I e-mailed her back that I didn't appear to be on the guest list so I didn't think it would be appropriate.  She contacted the host who then added me to the guest list.  Some of the others from that group were also invited but a few had declined and the others hadn't yet replied.

About half the invited guests actually came to the party and I ended up having a good time; it was filled with good conversation.  However, upon arrival the host made a point of telling this woman "Look, Venus is here" and I wondered what that was about.  The next day she sent me an e-mail thanking me for coming.  I finally realized that she probably didn't know any of the other guests who were present and may have been uncomfortable because of that.

I still feel weird about this.
Title: Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
Post by: mlmama on November 21, 2014, 01:44:20 AM
I accidentally did this to my SO. We had an Employee Appreciation day at my job. The last one we had, family was invited along with the employee. Not so with this one. He made the best of it, everyone was nice, but he was the only non-employee there. He said, "Never again." I said, "I understand." I felt so bad, I really thought it was like the one before.