Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Topic started by: Mrs S on January 08, 2014, 01:28:51 AM

Title: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Mrs S on January 08, 2014, 01:28:51 AM
A friend of mine just posted this conversation on facebook she had with a tourist (byt he way the caps indicate tourist yelling)

Tourist:(bails friend up in front of shop) MCDONALDS! WHERE!
Friend: Excuse me????
Tourist: DO YOU KNOW WHERE MCDONALDS IS?
Friend: Yes I do, thank you for asking.

Friend then walks away.

Giot to say I love her a bit more after this!
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Seraphine1 on January 08, 2014, 03:26:10 AM
I think your friend was rude.

I think the tourist was rude and a bit shouty as well, but they may have been lost or trying to meet someone.  I know my tone can be a be more terse and harder than I'd planned when I'm late or upset.

Your friend should have just given the directions or said "no, I don't" if they didn't want to take part in this conversation.

Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Mel the Redcap on January 08, 2014, 04:30:42 AM
I think it was a perfectly polite response to a boor. Maybe he'll remember to say "excuse me" and "please" next time. >:D
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: SamiHami on January 08, 2014, 06:53:01 AM
Not rude in the least. The tourist asked a question and received a perfectly appropriate answer. Now, had the tourist said, "Excuse me, would you please tell me how to get to the nearest McDonald's?" it would be a different story.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: bloo on January 08, 2014, 08:13:41 AM
I think getting away from a stranger that is yelling at me is perfectly fine. It was a funny way that your friend did it OP!
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: m2kbug on January 08, 2014, 08:26:11 AM
Is there an issue of different languages here?  I can imagine someone who does not speak the language can ask in a way that that is short and like barking an order, although shouting didn't really help.  I wonder if this person was frazzled and this came out in his tone.

I think both parties were rather rude.  I admit, it is funny, but this person was obviously not native to the area and I think the polite thing to do would be just to give directions.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Winterlight on January 08, 2014, 09:15:40 AM
I think your friend was rude.

I think the tourist was rude and a bit shouty as well, but they may have been lost or trying to meet someone.  I know my tone can be a be more terse and harder than I'd planned when I'm late or upset.

Your friend should have just given the directions or said "no, I don't" if they didn't want to take part in this conversation.

Agreed. Retaliatory rudeness is still rude.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Kari on January 08, 2014, 09:58:52 AM
I'm not sure we can say the OP's friend is rude when on this forum we've advocated addressing passive-aggresive comments literally. (Example: Snarky person says "Must be nice to have money to travel so much." Happy Traveler replies, "Yes! Isn't it wonderful?") OP's friend did the same thing: took a rudely stated question and pretended to be clueless about the rude one's intentions when framing a reply.

I think the OP's friend was unhelpful (and can't blame her!) but not rude. But I'm open to a rebuttal!
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Hmmmmm on January 08, 2014, 10:12:18 AM
I didn't see the need for the snark by the friend.

Was the tourist struggling with the language? Was there significant street noise causing him to shout? Was he hard of hearing which caused him to shout?

Her snarky response took as long to say as a polite "Yes, the closest is 3 blocks down on your right."
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Bijou on January 08, 2014, 10:17:45 AM
OP, I would call what your friend did sarcastic and risky.  If someone approached me in the way the tourist did your friend, my first thought would be "What's wrong with this person?" and I would not want to do anything to escalate the looming problem.  I also would not send him on his way to the business by giving the location.  And yes, I might let someone know of this aggressive person who is accosting people on the street..
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Bijou on January 08, 2014, 10:20:41 AM
I didn't see the need for the snark by the friend.

Was the tourist struggling with the language? Was there significant street noise causing him to shout? Was he hard of hearing which caused him to shout?

Her snarky response took as long to say as a polite "Yes, the closest is 3 blocks down on your right."
It doesn't sound like he was struggling with the language because of the second statement he made to the OP's friend.  And it doesn't sound as though he were hard of hearing, but rather was angry for some reason and aggressive.  It comes to mind that he might be looking for someone he believes to be there and is angry about it. 
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: RandomAngel on January 08, 2014, 10:22:23 AM
I think that taking passive-aggressiveness literally is a rather different tool from the one used here. The tourist wasn't being passive-aggressive; he was...well, we don't exactly know what he was doing. He might have been lost and in a hurry and panicking, or he might have been struggling with a language barrier, or he might just have been rude and obnoxious.

In any case, I'm sure that taking the time to think about his tone will benefit him in the future, and perhaps your friend's reply will encourage him to do so. But I'm not quite prepared to cheer her awesomeness when so little is known about what sort of a lesson this actually was.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: susku on January 08, 2014, 10:26:17 AM
OP, I would call what your friend did sarcastic and risky.  If someone approached me in the way the tourist did your friend, my first thought would be "What's wrong with this person?" and I would not want to do anything to escalate the looming problem.  I also would not send him on his way to the business by giving the location.  And yes, I might let someone know of this aggressive person who is accosting people on the street..

I think this is quite an over reaction. The guy was rule, agreed, but I doubt there was anything else going on than asking a question, perhaps even in a foreign language and just failing to do it politely.

I think that taking passive-aggressiveness literally is a rather different tool from the one used here. The tourist wasn't being passive-aggressive; he was...well, we don't exactly know what he was doing. He might have been lost and in a hurry and panicking, or he might have been struggling with a language barrier, or he might just have been rude and obnoxious.

In any case, I'm sure that taking the time to think about his tone will benefit him in the future, and perhaps your friend's reply will encourage him to do so. But I'm not quite prepared to cheer her awesomeness when so little is known about what sort of a lesson this actually was.

I agree. I don't think either person came out well from this exchange.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: rose red on January 08, 2014, 10:49:57 AM
The guy already sound angry/stressed and her "witty" remark isn't going to help.  Either be nice about it and perhaps the friendly helpfulness will calm him down, or say "No, I don't" and get away from him.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Really? on January 08, 2014, 11:42:20 AM
HI OP

part of the conversation you state "bails friend up in front of shop". What does that mean?

Onlyme
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Winterlight on January 08, 2014, 11:55:33 AM
I believe it means he stopped her.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Amara on January 08, 2014, 12:01:33 PM
I lived in Waikiki for several years and ran into this constantly. I always answered politely. I think your friend amused herself at the tourist's expense, and I find her behavior uncivil and rude.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: VorFemme on January 08, 2014, 12:12:37 PM
Some people deal with frustration by getting angry - this may cause them to be short with other people that they are having to ask for help because they are just so frustrated that if they say three extra words, they will all be profane ones.

Other people don't mind asking for help & admitting that they don't know the local layout. 

Guess which ones are easier to interact with when they are visiting your area as a tourist (or visiting family, relocating, or whatever reason they have to be there)?

Not the ones who get grumpy because they need to ask for help and they HATE to ask for help....

I've learned to deal with the grumpy ones by telling them the simplest way to get where they want to be or telling them clearly that I don't KNOW either, sorry.  I try not to let them infect me with the grumpiness.

That said, I am NOT a walking GPS - so, asking me where something is three or four times when I don't know is not going to get a different answer.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Luci on January 08, 2014, 12:31:25 PM
Both were rude.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Tea Drinker on January 08, 2014, 12:37:24 PM
I think your friend's first "Excuse me?" was reasonable, but once the tourist rephrased his query as a polite sentence, even at high volume, she should have given him a useful answer, possibly of the form "Please don't shout. It's at $address." Otherwise the message the tourist got could be, not "be polite when you want information," but "when people demand that you ask politely, and you do, they still won't help," which probably isn't what she wants to convey.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Mikayla on January 08, 2014, 12:44:15 PM
I'm not sure we can say the OP's friend is rude when on this forum we've advocated addressing passive-aggresive comments literally. (Example: Snarky person says "Must be nice to have money to travel so much." Happy Traveler replies, "Yes! Isn't it wonderful?") OP's friend did the same thing: took a rudely stated question and pretended to be clueless about the rude one's intentions when framing a reply.

I think the OP's friend was unhelpful (and can't blame her!) but not rude. But I'm open to a rebuttal!

I totally agree with you on taking PA comments literally, but the problem is that this person wasn't being PA.  He picked a rude way to ask a question, and the OPs friend picked a rude way to respond. 

I liked Amara's way of putting it (that she amused herself at his expense).

Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: veryfluffy on January 08, 2014, 01:00:28 PM
Really, just because someone is a tourist does not entitle them to assistance from anyone who is passing. If someone rudely stops you and demands you direct them somewhere, you are under no obligation to do so.

Maybe I am too literal-minded, but if someone (rudely) asks a question, and you answer it politely, it isn't rude, even if you did not answer the question the person thought they were asking.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: emwithme on January 08, 2014, 02:28:01 PM
I use a similar answer when I'm stopped when shopping by people selling from carts in the middle of shopping centres (they're usually trying to sell something overpriced that I don't want, like some magic crystals that will shrink me or something for my hair, or perfume...you know the type!)

In my area, at least, they all open the conversation the same way:

"Can I ask you a question?"

I reply: "You just did" and carry on my way. 
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: squeakers on January 08, 2014, 02:44:09 PM
This is an etiquette forum so you won't see many people applauding "fishsticks!"

I have a hearing impaired sister and DH is getting there too so I am used to people yelling or talking very loud.  If the friend was at work she just left a bad image of her workplace in the mind of the "tourist".  And we all have heard the stories of new owners checking out how employees behave, the "Pretty Woman" syndrome and the "Millionaire dressed shabbily because he was painting his yacht".

So being witty vs helpful is not a good job move.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: lowspark on January 08, 2014, 02:56:01 PM
I'm just wondering... how did your friend know this person was a tourist?
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Fleur on January 08, 2014, 03:00:25 PM
This is an etiquette forum so you won't see many people applauding "fishsticks!"

I have a hearing impaired sister and DH is getting there too so I am used to people yelling or talking very loud.  If the friend was at work she just left a bad image of her workplace in the mind of the "tourist".  And we all have heard the stories of new owners checking out how employees behave, the "Pretty Woman" syndrome and the "Millionaire dressed shabbily because he was painting his yacht".

So being witty vs helpful is not a good job move.

While I think that the friend was perhaps a little rude (only slightly, and I'm not even sure about that) I really think that this post is a huge stretch. The likelihood of the shouting tourist being some kind of hidden boss is extremely slim.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: sweetonsno on January 08, 2014, 03:04:08 PM
I think the friend was rude as well. If she didn't want to help the guy, she should have said, "Sorry, I'm not sure." My guess is that he was either hard of hearing or was having trouble hearing because of noise from the road. It's also possible that your friend only caught the tail end of his first question for whatever reason, and he increased his volume because he thought she couldn't hear him.

This is kind of like the old "May I have this dance?"/"Sure, take it" gag. Yes, an audience might find it funny, but it's really a very nasty way to treat someone whose main crime is asking you for something that you don't care to give them.
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: Virg on January 08, 2014, 03:07:22 PM
veryfluffy wrote:

"Really, just because someone is a tourist does not entitle them to assistance from anyone who is passing. If someone rudely stops you and demands you direct them somewhere, you are under no obligation to do so."

Firstly, there's nothing to say this person was a tourist, and secondly, nobody said that he was entitled to assistance.  It's just that if she chose to answer him at all, she was obligated to avoid rudeness in doing so.

"Maybe I am too literal-minded, but if someone (rudely) asks a question, and you answer it politely, it isn't rude, even if you did not answer the question the person thought they were asking."

That is being too literal-minded.  She didn't answer politely, she disguised a wisecrack with polite words.  She could have failed to answer the question at all, answered with "I don't" or "Please stop shouting", or given him directions, and any of those replies would have been polite.  What she did wasn't.

Virg
Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: squeakers on January 08, 2014, 03:10:02 PM
This is an etiquette forum so you won't see many people applauding "fishsticks!"

I have a hearing impaired sister and DH is getting there too so I am used to people yelling or talking very loud.  If the friend was at work she just left a bad image of her workplace in the mind of the "tourist".  And we all have heard the stories of new owners checking out how employees behave, the "Pretty Woman" syndrome and the "Millionaire dressed shabbily because he was painting his yacht".

So being witty vs helpful is not a good job move.

While I think that the friend was perhaps a little rude (only slightly, and I'm not even sure about that) I really think that this post is a huge stretch. The likelihood of the shouting tourist being some kind of hidden boss is extremely slim.

Any time you are at work where you work with the public you should treat them (the public) like they are your boss.  Does that mean you bend over backwards and twirl flaming batons with your toes? No.  It means you behave professionally.

Title: Re: Best Comeback Ever!
Post by: cass2591 on January 08, 2014, 03:35:32 PM
Well, as long as the OP's friend feels pretty good about herself is all that really matters here, isn't it? Never mind she had alternatives, being clever is what's important here, and then bragging on social media.

Thread locked.