Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Family and Children => Topic started by: Thipu1 on January 19, 2014, 10:49:26 AM

Title: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Thipu1 on January 19, 2014, 10:49:26 AM
We'll be visiting MIL next week and would like a suggestion or two from the people here.

MIL lives in a senior community and, when we visit, is very vocal about how we should eat plenty of fruit and vegetables with little meat.  Our desserts should be fresh fruit.  That's just fine with us.

The problem comes up when we have dinner in the Dining Room each evening.   The place offers a rather extensive salad bar and a good buffet of hot food including a carving station.  The menu changes every day.    There's also an option to order from an alternate menu with more expensive items such as steak, salmon and scampi.  Residents are charged 20 USD for each guest at dinner regardless of how much or how little the guest eats.  The price is the same for the standard buffet and the alternate menu.     

MIL wants to get her money's worth. Although we're quite happy with the buffet she almost demands
that we order double portions from the alternate menu and seems a bit put out when we don't. 

We aren't adolescents.  We've reached the age at which we simply  can't eat soup, salad, vegetables, a starch and two steaks or a double order of scampi each. 

We've always offered to reimburse her for our dinners but this doesn't go over well because we are her 'children' and she must provide.

This time, we've thought about just leaving the money in a prominent place in her apartment when we leave. 

Any other suggestions?               
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: otterwoman on January 19, 2014, 10:54:49 AM
Would it more cost efficient to eat out at a restaurant instead of her dining room? You could say you'd like to get her out and about...

I have hidden cash in a relative's coat pocket once after she was extremely generous with me. That way I gave her money without her realizing it came from me.
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Thipu1 on January 19, 2014, 11:07:29 AM
When we visit, we take her and a friend or two of out for lunch. There's an ethnic place in town she enjoys and doesn't get to visit often.

As I said, MIL wants to get her money's worth.  Her dinner is already paid for in the monthly fee she pays for her apartment.   Also, bringing guests to the dining room is a very visible sign that she has visitors. 
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Oh Joy on January 19, 2014, 11:09:12 AM
Oh...so many dynamics at play at these communities!   :)

One question: does MIL's dining package for herself include the full access that her guests have, or is it more limited?
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Margo on January 19, 2014, 11:22:05 AM
Is the cost an issue for her, or just that if you (or she) are paying $20 you should get as much value for money as possible.

If you are concerned about the cost to her, then you could either leave some cash, or consider buying things which she might otherwise have to pay for (is a gift more acceptable than cash? If so, are there things such as  magazine or film subscriptions, clothes or toiletries which you could buy as gifts rather than giving her cash directly.

If the expense is not an issue, but the fact that she feels you are not eating $20 worth is, then it may be worth seeing whether you can eat away from the dining room sometimes - as Otterwoman suggests, could you take her out to eat some evenings?

Would it help to reference her own advice about healthy eating when you chose what to order? So that you are focussing on one aspect of her concerns (healthy eating) rather than another (getting you 'monies worth')

If it's a really big thing for her then another option is to order from the full menu (at least dome of the time) but only eat the quantity you feel comfortable with - you don't have to eat all of your soup, or steak, or scampi.

Would she be open to your husband having a conversation with her to say "It's lovely that you want to treat us to our meals while we're here, and we do understand that $20 seems a lot if we mostly just have soup and salad, but honestly, we don't want to eat a full three course meal and second helpings - you know how important healthy eating is, and neither of us have the appetites we did as teens any more We're happy to give you money to pay for our own meals so you don't feel that we are wasting your money by not eating the full meal, but please don't try to make us overeat - it's so uncomfortable"

[edited because I do know the difference between hear and here]
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: shhh its me on January 19, 2014, 11:35:18 AM
  IF I remember correctly this MIL is generous and financially well off? So its not the money but the principle,right?   She doesn't want to pay $20 for soup & salad while that same $20 could pay for soup salad and 2 steaks, she feels like she is losing 2 steaks. If she won the $150 million lottery she's still not want to lose 2 steaks, right?  It's a quirk /pet peeve of hers  just order what you want and try to ignore the kvetching.  Maybe try to encourage going to the community hall on the first and last night of a visit(that way she can be seen having visitors and can tell everyone what a lovely restaurant you and DH took he to on the other night/s) and out to eat the rest of the time.

IF you feel you must to pay her back , I'd suggest a consumable gift...fruit of the month to be delivered  when you're not visiting. A relaxing day at (whatever she likes , a play , spa , museum etc) movie tickets , a gift certificate to a car service (if she has trouble driving )
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Drunken Housewife on January 19, 2014, 12:21:30 PM
You probably can't box up your leftovers, right?  Buffets usually don't allow that (for sensible reasons). 

I would just keep saying things to her like, "Oh, I'm stuffed, couldn't eat another bite -- the food here is so good and filling.  You definitely get your money's worth!"  Try to make it sound like you got a great, big, huge meal and it was a treat. 
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: gramma dishes on January 19, 2014, 12:25:33 PM
I think it's frankly an odd setup!   ???

I don't actually blame your MIL.  Since she's being charged the exact same amount for your meals regardless of which menu you order from, I can see how she feels that ordering from the "lesser" menu would seem to be wasting money.

Beyond that though, you've already gotten good advice for how to handle it from other posters.  I think if you're dining there once, then it would be nice of you to acquiesce to her request that you order from the alternate menu whether you're able to finish the food or not.

If you eat a few meals there, then the others could be the buffet and you can assure your MIL that you will eat lots and lots and lots of food so that she gets her $20 worth!   :)

Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on January 19, 2014, 01:10:12 PM
Are you sure it's $20, or do you just have MIL's word for that?  At my father's place, a guest eats for $3!

Since money is not an issue, the problem is that you don't want to overeat.  The solution is not to make MIL stop pushing food on you -- because that's unlikely to happen.  I've never won an argument with a elderly person.  Many of them (certainly my relatives) are set in their ways and very stubborn.

My recommendation is that you smile smile smile and have a repeated phrase such as "I have exactly what I want.  What a wonderful meal."

I bet MIL has always urged her guests to overeat, even when she was feeding guests in her home.
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Thipu1 on January 19, 2014, 01:38:40 PM
Thanks for the good advice.  Here are some of the issues.

MIL is financially secure.  Both Mr. Thipu and his BIL monitor MIL's finances (with her knowledge and permission) to make sure she's in good shape.

MIL has always been a food pusher.  In the family, that's a given.

She has a full kitchen in her apartment that people we know would die to have.  While we wouldn't make a special trip to the buffet or order a second entree with the intention of taking it back, we could certainly have the food left on our plates packed to go. 

Where MIL lives is subtle.  She's in the 'independent living' area.  Residents can come and go as they please and have their own furniture in their own apartments.  Breakfasts and lunches can be bought at an on-site cafe or people can prepare what they want to eat in their apartments.  However, since dinners are included in the monthly payment, the dinners are a way of making sure that residents are alive and well.  When we arrive at the dining room, the Maitre'D swipes MILs card and she tells him that she has two guests.

  It's perfectly fine for a resident to skip dinner or go out but the front desk should be advised that this will happen.  If no notification is given it's likely that someone will visit the apartment to make sure that the resident is neither ill nor injured. 

Both guests and residents have equal access to all available food and activities at the place.




Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: SPuck on January 19, 2014, 01:42:16 PM
MIL wants to get her money's worth. Although we're quite happy with the buffet she almost demands
that we order double portions from the alternate menu and seems a bit put out when we don't. 

...

This time, we've thought about just leaving the money in a prominent place in her apartment when we leave.       

I would let her pay (it just isn't worth arguing over) but if she wants to have those "put out" feelings those are hers to have.
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: m2kbug on January 19, 2014, 01:50:30 PM
I'm thinking it's an odd payment schedule as well.  I can see that a $20 salad would be a bit upsetting.  I like the suggestion of eating at the residence maybe on the first and last night and taking her out someplace else the rest of the time.  Otherwise, order what you would like to order and just expand on what a lovely meal and I'm stuffed and eat what you can and try to direct the conversation elsewhere.  I'm not sure that you'll be able to reimburse her in any way.  I would feel a little guilty if I couldn't take leftovers home, so I would probably want to avoid such an expensive place to eat if possible, but if she's insistent, just go with the flow. 
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Tea Drinker on January 19, 2014, 01:56:56 PM
From the viewpoint of your MIL wanting to get her money's worth, would it work to order something like the steak or scampi (assuming you like one of the fancier entrees) and tell your MIL that yes, the food is very nice, but you don't have the appetite you used to, so you're going to have it boxed and eat the rest for breakfast or lunch the next day? That is, make that the plan: have them give you a nice serving of meat or fish, add vegetables from the salad bar, and if she says something about getting her money's worth, point out that she's getting two meals for each of you.

Maybe also emphasize the variety of different things you're eating--if she's a food pusher, "I gave Thipu steak and pasta and fruit salad and steamed vegetables and soup" would satisfy her even though it was a small spoonful of the pasta, and you only ate 1/3 of the steak, and a small portion of broccoli.
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Calypso on January 19, 2014, 02:53:05 PM
Having worked many years ago in institutional kitchens, the set up doesn't sound that odd to me. In a for-profit restaurant, it makes good sense to cost out every dish separately and keep track of inventory precisely, but for a kitchen in this kind of situation, where you have a set budget and aren't making a profit on the food, it's unnecessary accounting. Charging each meal as a single unit, regardless of what's eaten, is easier.

I like the ideas PPs have given, especially reminding her of her own advice "I've filled up on the delicious veggies as you suggested, MIL, so I really only have room for about half this steak, but thank you for offering to get me some more."

And, really, if she's financially well off (and what a blessing that is, eh?), the comments about not getting her money's worth are a harmless quirk, and I wouldn't pay too much attention to them. "Hey, you can get another helping of lamb chops. I paid for it, you should eat it." "Thanks, MIL, I'm good --- and I so enjoy just getting to spend the time with you." "Grumble grumble grumble." "Well, after all, MIL, I'm pretty much done growing (chuckle chuckle).... so I shouldn't really eat as much as a teenager, should I?"

But if she keeps making comments about it, what the heck. It's not worth getting into a sweat over, I think.
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: TootsNYC on January 19, 2014, 07:56:22 PM
MIL wants to get her money's worth. Although we're quite happy with the buffet she almost demands
that we order double portions from the alternate menu and seems a bit put out when we don't. 

...

This time, we've thought about just leaving the money in a prominent place in her apartment when we leave.       

I would let her pay (it just isn't worth arguing over) but if she wants to have those "put out" feelings those are hers to have.


This is so wise. Let her have her feelings. Don't take on any responsibility for eliminating those feelings for her.

Say, "Oh, I'm so stuffed--I find I simply can't eat that much anymore. And I like to stay healthy." And then bean dip.
   Also, answer this type of comment one time--then stop responding to it at all--act as though she didn't say anything. Or say, "Yes, you said that earlier, too," bcs now the goal is to get her to just drop the topic, or at least for your conversation to stop covering it.
    So, either you simply don't participate in -that- conversation, or you see if some negative reinforcement ("yes, you said already") will persuade her to leave it alone.

And stop caring about whether she is not happy about this issue. You've taken note of her unhappiness, evaluated the situation, and decided that her unhappiness is unfounded. Let her cope with it--but don't *you* worry about it.
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Hmmmmm on January 20, 2014, 07:07:01 AM
I have some empathy with your MIL and can completely imagine feeling the same. If you guys eat in the dinning hall, it seems counter intuitive to not order the most expensive meal possible. If you go out elsewhere, she's thinking about the fact that she's really already paid for her dinner in her monthly dues but paying for a second one to dine out. And it doesn't matter who is paying, it's the principle

I'd start mentioning how expensive dinning out is in your city and how a lunch of salad, drink, and tip can easily be $20. And just ignore her protests.
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Thipu1 on January 20, 2014, 10:30:33 AM
Oh...so many dynamics at play at these communities!   :)

One question: does MIL's dining package for herself include the full access that her guests have, or is it more limited?

MIL has full access to everything.  Menus are printed with calorie counts, sodium levels and such. 
residents are expected to make their own decisions. 

To be frank, those in independent living apartments might as well be living on a high-end cruise ship. The only thing missing is a bar and the residents voted against putting one in.  The Dining Room is an elegant space that would not be look out of place in an up-scale resort. It's almost a shame they can't rent it out for Weddings. 

Also, we understand the rather high prices for visitor dinners.  Part of the money goes into a fund which helps residents who have 'outlived their money' stay in the place.  That's one of the reasons we want to pay.

  BTW, prices in the cafe are extremely low.  The three of us can get an ample breakfast or lunch for
about 7USD, total.

We thank everyone for thoughtful and useful advice.  E-Hell is a place we can depend upon for good, solid sense. 

Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: gramma dishes on January 20, 2014, 10:48:56 AM
^^^  Where is this amazing sounding place located?  I'd like to know because some of us have elderly parents and some of us are elderly ourselves!  Sounds like a wonderful atmosphere.
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Thipu1 on January 20, 2014, 11:27:54 AM
^^^  Where is this amazing sounding place located?  I'd like to know because some of us have elderly parents and some of us are elderly ourselves!  Sounds like a wonderful atmosphere.

I know we shouldn't be promoting other sites but this could be of use to many people.

The place is part of a chain of on-going care senior communities with a Quaker orientation.

Go to www.kendal.org for information. 
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: gramma dishes on January 20, 2014, 11:38:02 AM
Thanks.  Actually they (Quakers) have a similar set up where my Mom was.  I think the name of it was Friends Fellowship and it was in Indiana.  It wasn't quite as fancy as the place you describe, but it was wonderful and she loved being there.  By the way, she was the one who wanted to move there.  Selfishly we all wanted her to live closer to one of us, but she insisted on being there.  We eventually realized that she had made the perfect choice for herself.
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: LadyL on January 20, 2014, 11:50:01 AM
With food pushers I am a bit more blunt than usual about my reasons for declining more food. To them being full doesn't matter if food is being wasted. I usually start with "I am one more bite away from a food coma so I can't, sorry" followed by "Really, if I eat any more it will make me sick."
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: POF on January 20, 2014, 11:53:00 AM
Oh...so many dynamics at play at these communities!   :)

One question: does MIL's dining package for herself include the full access that her guests have, or is it more limited?

MIL has full access to everything.  Menus are printed with calorie counts, sodium levels and such. 
residents are expected to make their own decisions. 

To be frank, those in independent living apartments might as well be living on a high-end cruise ship. The only thing missing is a bar and the residents voted against putting one in.  The Dining Room is an elegant space that would not be look out of place in an up-scale resort. It's almost a shame they can't rent it out for Weddings. 

Also, we understand the rather high prices for visitor dinners.  Part of the money goes into a fund which helps residents who have 'outlived their money' stay in the place.  That's one of the reasons we want to pay.

  BTW, prices in the cafe are extremely low.  The three of us can get an ample breakfast or lunch for
about 7USD, total.

We thank everyone for thoughtful and useful advice.  E-Hell is a place we can depend upon for good, solid sense.

My MIL lives in a very similar situation.  Library, Cyber Cafe, movie theatre, auditorium, indoor pool and great fitness facility.  I often joke that I want to stay with her for my next vacation.  Food is top notch as well.  She is 92 and extremely involved in lots pf programs - but it is denitiely a cruise ship vibe.

Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: lakey on January 20, 2014, 04:12:08 PM
Unless you know that your MIL has financial difficulties, I wouldn't try to force money on her. What she is doing is related to how she was raised regarding money. My parents grew up during the depression. I used to try to find ways to sneak extra tip money on the table when they took me out to eat.

Her wanting to get value for her money is just the way she is. You probably aren't going to be able to change her, so order the food, eat what you can, and push the rest around on your plate.

If she wants to feel that she is taking care of you, your leaving money for her might detract from that. My parents ended up pretty well off financially. Being able to take us all out to dinner or lunch in a restaurant was a big deal to them, considering that they never saw a restaurant meal when they were young.
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on January 20, 2014, 05:51:28 PM
With food pushers I am a bit more blunt than usual about my reasons for declining more food. To them being full doesn't matter if food is being wasted. I usually start with "I am one more bite away from a food coma so I can't, sorry" followed by "Really, if I eat any more it will make me sick."

POD to LadyL, though I just go with the "I will be sick" line.
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: CuriousParty on January 20, 2014, 07:26:45 PM
Is your MIL aware that the visitor's fees subsidize less affluent residents? And does her generosity extend outside the family? Because if so I would play that angle up to deal with the "eat more" prompts.

"Oh, MIL, you know we have to be careful for our cholesterol/blood sugar/health.  I am so glad, though that part of the fee supports residents who may need assistance. It is a comfort to know that any value I may not eat in food is used for such a good cause."

As for her paying, I think that's a fight you can't win - but does the home have a fund for residents in need? Could you donate an equivalent amount to that and feel that you've done your part?
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: BeagleMommy on January 21, 2014, 11:10:49 AM
Thipu, I wonder if your MIL is like my FIL's generation.  They hate to see waste and always want to be sure they're getting their money's worth.

I would try "Oh, MIL, I couldn't possibly eat all that food and I'd hate to see it go to waste.  The buffet is better for us because we can take smaller amounts of the things we like best.".
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: MommyPenguin on January 21, 2014, 12:35:34 PM
Also, the less expensive the food you eat is, the more of your $20 will go to that fund.  So that might be a way to play it up, as well.

It does sound like a really nice place.  My grandmother lives in a place like that called Heritage (no idea how meals for guests work, though, as only my parents have eaten with her--the one time we visited there, I had the kids with me and they aren't allowed to eat in the dining room, so food was brought back for us).
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: gramma dishes on January 21, 2014, 02:45:03 PM
Also, the less expensive the food you eat is, the more of your $20 will go to that fund.  So that might be a way to play it up, as well.

It does sound like a really nice place.  My grandmother lives in a place like that called Heritage (no idea how meals for guests work, though, as only my parents have eaten with her--the one time we visited there, I had the kids with me and they aren't allowed to eat in the dining room, so food was brought back for us).

*gasp!*

Where my Mom was there was nothing quite so totally desirable as bringing your grandchildren to a meal!  It was so much fun showing them off to EVERYBODY!  The resident Grandmother really got a lot of attention for having a child there, especially a baby or toddler!  ;-D
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Thipu1 on January 21, 2014, 03:05:30 PM
Oh yes. 

Children are definitely welcome at the place where MIL lives.  Great-Grandchildren with their parents have stayed in her apartment and, oh what a proud parade it is when they all go to the Dining Room in the evening! 

  There's a Pre-school for the children of employees located adjacent to the Health Center which is what they call the Nursing Home section. The residents there enjoy hearing the children play.

     
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: MommyPenguin on January 22, 2014, 11:37:43 PM
Children are certainly welcome at my grandmother's retirement place, it's just that the dining room is very formal.  There's a strict dress code (no shorts, nice dresses or pantsuits expected, that sort of thing).  You know, though, now that I think about it, I'm not absolutely certainly whether kids were not *allowed* or whatever it was just that it was a formal dining room and we judged it better not to bring them in.  I remember that one of them was at that "into everything" stage, because I had a crazy time while they were all gone trying to keep her out of stuff, given that my grandmother's apartment seemed to be entirely made of crystal, glass, lovely knick-knacks, and delicious (to an 8-month-old) books and papers.  I think I made a baby gate out of chairs and counted the minutes until they returned.
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: m2kbug on January 23, 2014, 12:47:34 AM
My grandparents were in a retirement community, and there were certain restrictions around little kids, particularly the pool.  There were "children hours" for pool usage.  I don't think it's strange that children would be restricted in some way from the dining room, but barring them completely is very odd. 
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Jobiska on January 25, 2014, 02:52:08 PM
Kind of tangential, but my parents are at a community "twinned" with a Kendal, which is less fancy (which is why they picked it).  Boy, if the dining hall cost $20 there we would have heard of it a million times!  My folks much prefer the cafeteria option.  My mom actually finds the fancy aspects to not be in keeping with Quaker values and tries to be a voice for simplicity!

And yes, Quakers have founded several retirement communities, the Kendal chain being just one of them; my great-aunt was in a much, much more modest facility. 

At any rate, I don't have any really novel suggestions--I think just picking the most expensive thing on the menu that appeals to you, but only as much of that as you can eat, is really the farthest you should feel obliged to go to sating her need to "get her money's worth." 
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Oh Joy on January 25, 2014, 03:11:27 PM
In my experience, the dining hall at a senior residence is a big part of the residents' identity.  They do not it to be associated with institutional food at a sad nursing home.

I suggest laying on the compliments pretty thick, both in the dining hall and in casual conversation.  The food here is so good. I can't wait to have the shrimp scampi tomorrow night...last time it was better than at Chez Fancy.  I just can't order a second entree...the portions here are so big.  And so forth.  It may go a long way toward both helping her relax and feeling like she's getting her money's worth.

Best wishes!
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Lynn2000 on January 27, 2014, 10:58:44 AM
I definitely wouldn't eat more than I felt comfortable eating, just for my own health. If taking leftovers back to her room is an option (sounds like it is), maybe make that the plan--either in your own head, or aloud with her if you think that would help. "This steak will be great tomorrow morning with some eggs for breakfast--DH and I can split it!" I understand her wanting to get her money's worth, but really, I'm not going to make myself sick for that. She presumably knew going into the situation that those were the rules.

One approach you could try is asking her directly, before dinner, what she would like you to do. "You've expressed several times that you don't think DH and I eat enough for what dinner costs. We simply aren't able to eat more, so how else can we help to alleviate that?" Suggestions might be giving her money to pay for your meals, bringing leftovers back to eat for a later meal, only one of you accompanying her to the dining room so she only has to pay for one guest, etc.. Maybe some of them will seem unpalatable enough to her that she will realize paying to have you both at dinner is the option she prefers. Then whenever she comments you could say, "Oh, did you want us to do Suggestion X instead, like we'd discussed? No? [implied: then quit complaining about it]"

It might be worth a try anyway, although it sounds like at her age and personality it would be rather hard to get her to change her habits. I might still have that conversation with her once, so that everyone acknowledges there ARE options, then I would feel free to ignore her food pushing or money comments after that. Just because someone says something, or wants you to do something, doesn't mean you must respond or do it.

Personally I don't really like the idea of secretly leaving people money. In some cases it works perfectly well, don't get me wrong; but generally it has a bit of a patronizing whiff to me, with someone who is cognizant enough to make their own financial decisions. At most I would keep the money in my possession but bank it in case they needed it "back" someday. Also I think it could be rather confusing for an older person to suddenly find cash, especially a fair bit, in their pocket or a drawer or something--it might cause them to worry that they were becoming mentally unreliable, because they don't remember where the money came from.
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: TootsNYC on January 27, 2014, 11:03:33 AM
The thing is, food is -really- wasted if you eat it when you don't want it.

Actually, it's worse than wasted. Because overeating damages you.
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: msulinski on January 31, 2014, 01:35:19 PM
The thing is, food is -really- wasted if you eat it when you don't want it.

Actually, it's worse than wasted. Because overeating damages you.

Agreed. Eating more does not mean getting your money's worth. I consider myself to have gotten my money's worth out of a meal if I enjoyed the food and the company. At a certain point, eating more means feeling sick and possibly compromising your health (depending on circumstances). How is that getting your money's worth?
Title: Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
Post by: Tea Drinker on January 31, 2014, 02:17:06 PM
Something that just occurred to me: MIL may be thinking "I had a larger appetite 30 years ago" and over-correcting there: she knows Thipu and her family are younger, and is forgetting that this doesn't mean they have the appetite of 20-year-olds.

By over-correcting, I mean she may remember from her own youth that an elderly relative gave her far too little lunch or dinner because they figured that two people [both of whom are in their 70s] would eat X amount, so add 50% when they have one grandchild visiting, and don't see/understand that the grandchild is hungry enough to eat more than both of her grandparents together.

It doesn't change what Thipu and family should do, but it might explain a thing or two: not just "I want my money's worth" but trying to reassure them "no, eat as much as you want, we've already paid for it."