Etiquette Hell

Wedding Bliss and Blues => Receptions => Topic started by: Teenyweeny on January 20, 2014, 12:16:45 PM

Title: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Teenyweeny on January 20, 2014, 12:16:45 PM
So, a couple of recent threads had me mulling over something that I will be facing quite soon.

My wife and I have a civil partnership. The UK is set to bring in full, equal marriage quite soon, and of course we want to upgrade! When that happens, you are dingdangity right I'll want to celebrate it! The thing is, we already had our wedding. It was a beautiful, magical day, with a great big party and lots of guests.

Basically, what we'd both want, to celebrate our equal marriage, would be another 'reception', for want of a better word. I mean food, booze, and dancing. I wouldn't want to do the ceremony over, but I'd like to mark the occasion. I even want to wear my dress again (I have some hardcore love for that dress). Of course, we wouldn't want gifts, and there'd be no accompanying parties (we don't do showers in the UK, and I'd certainly not have another hen night).

What would be your reaction on being invited to such an event? It's a kind of unusual situation, so there's not really an established protocol...
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: perpetua on January 20, 2014, 12:24:48 PM
So, a couple of recent threads had me mulling over something that I will be facing quite soon.

My wife and I have a civil partnership. The UK is set to bring in full, equal marriage quite soon, and of course we want to upgrade! When that happens, you are dingdangity right I'll want to celebrate it! The thing is, we already had our wedding. It was a beautiful, magical day, with a great big party and lots of guests.

Basically, what we'd both want, to celebrate our equal marriage, would be another 'reception', for want of a better word. I mean food, booze, and dancing. I wouldn't want to do the ceremony over, but I'd like to mark the occasion. I even want to wear my dress again (I have some hardcore love for that dress). Of course, we wouldn't want gifts, and there'd be no accompanying parties (we don't do showers in the UK, and I'd certainly not have another hen night).

What would be your reaction on being invited to such an event? It's a kind of unusual situation, so there's not really an established protocol...

I'd be delighted! It's a great reason to celebrate.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: kherbert05 on January 20, 2014, 12:43:28 PM
So, a couple of recent threads had me mulling over something that I will be facing quite soon.

My wife and I have a civil partnership. The UK is set to bring in full, equal marriage quite soon, and of course we want to upgrade! When that happens, you are dingdangity right I'll want to celebrate it! The thing is, we already had our wedding. It was a beautiful, magical day, with a great big party and lots of guests.

Basically, what we'd both want, to celebrate our equal marriage, would be another 'reception', for want of a better word. I mean food, booze, and dancing. I wouldn't want to do the ceremony over, but I'd like to mark the occasion. I even want to wear my dress again (I have some hardcore love for that dress). Of course, we wouldn't want gifts, and there'd be no accompanying parties (we don't do showers in the UK, and I'd certainly not have another hen night).

What would be your reaction on being invited to such an event? It's a kind of unusual situation, so there's not really an established protocol...
Your situation is different. You were discriminated against because of bigotry and that is legally being changed.
 
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: cheyne on January 20, 2014, 12:44:07 PM
As long as it's labeled as a party to celebrate your actual wedding, I'd go with bells on!  My objections to second "weddings" is the re doing of the vows and all the pre-parties.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: SamiHami on January 20, 2014, 12:46:11 PM
It's an entirely different situation than what is in those other threads, and I think it's most definitely worth celebrating.  :)
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: miranova on January 20, 2014, 12:54:11 PM
I'm going to go against the grain and say that you already had your event, and I think it would be a little na´ve to think that no one will feel obligated to bring gifts if you have another reception. 

I understand celebrating this legal decision, but celebrating your particular union twice seems redundant.

I would feel the same way about anyone who could not legally marry the first time for any reason but had a big party/reception anyway.  Only one party/reception per couple.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: nuit93 on January 20, 2014, 01:01:06 PM
I think this is a situation that is new enough (relatively) that rules of etiquette haven't quite been established yet. 

Perhaps the real question is: what date are you considering to be your official anniversary?  If you're using the original ceremony date, then a second wedding ceremony might be confusing.  If you're going from the date that it became legal, it might make more sense.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: gollymolly2 on January 20, 2014, 01:08:17 PM
I think you can (and should!) throw a huge party to celebrate. But since you've already had a wedding (and it sounds like it was a big, "standard" wedding celebration, not a small or rushed event), I don't think you should have a wedding. So, I'd say no to the wedding dress, personally.

Congrats!
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Teenyweeny on January 20, 2014, 01:11:31 PM
To answer: I wouldn't consider this a wedding. I consider it a celebration of our newly equal status. So, there'd be no ceremony. Just a party.

Also, we are 'legal'. Just not equal. We're about to become equal. I'd still consider the date of our wedding to be our anniversary, and that day will always be remembered as our wedding. This would be a celebration of our newly equal legal status, not another wedding.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: perpetua on January 20, 2014, 01:13:33 PM
Teenyweeny, because I am unfortunately ignorant in such things: do you have to have another ceremony, or does your civil partnership get automatically converted into a marriage?

Because if there is another ceremony, I don't think there's anything wrong with inviting people to it.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: wolfie on January 20, 2014, 01:13:51 PM
To answer: I wouldn't consider this a wedding. I consider it a celebration of our newly equal status. So, there'd be no ceremony. Just a party.

Also, we are 'legal'. Just not equal. We're about to become equal. I'd still consider the date of our wedding to be our anniversary, and that day will always be remembered as our wedding. This would be a celebration of our newly equal legal status, not another wedding.

I am a stickler for the one wedding per couple rule - but I see this as just fine. You are married already - but you are celebrating that you are finally able to legally marry! I would be more then happy to go to a celebration like that. And I would take a gift... nothing big but something small to celebrate the occasion.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: #borecore on January 20, 2014, 01:15:06 PM
I think this is fine! Some people have elaborate anniversary parties, you're going to have a slightly-larger-than-a-normal-party legalization party.

As long as you don't call it a wedding, no big deal!
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Teenyweeny on January 20, 2014, 01:16:58 PM
Teenyweeny, because I am unfortunately ignorant in such things: do you have to have another ceremony, or does your civil partnership get automatically converted into a marriage?

Because if there is another ceremony, I don't think there's anything wrong with inviting people to it.

Perpetua, I think the answer to that question is "nobody knows". More information can be found here: http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2013/12/12/faq-nine-things-you-might-want-to-know-about-the-new-equal-marriage-law-in-england-and-wales/.

It sounds to me like there's going to be the option to just send off 'upgrade' paperwork and not have a ceremony, but also there'll be a ceremony option. Nothings finalised yet though.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: m2kbug on January 20, 2014, 01:34:21 PM
I would definitely attend a celebration like this!  I would not consider this a gift-giving event but would probably bring something for the happy couple just the same.  I think this is a fine time to have a party and celebrate!
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: ChinaShepherdess on January 20, 2014, 01:44:22 PM
I think it's a very excellent reason to celebrate, and I'm sure your loved ones feel the same way! In terms of gifts, if I received an invitation to such an event, personally I'd see it more as a bring-wine occasion than a where's-the-registry? occasion. If you are worried about being seen as a gimme-pig, I think the lack of registries will clue people in that you aren't expecting a do-over on all of the wedding present giving. I think I've also seen on EHell that it's not abominably rude to mention that you don't want gifts to a few very close people (parents, BFFs, etc. -- people to whom you're close enough that mentioning worrying about people thinking you want huge gifts wouldn't be rude), and then if other invitees ask these people for input, they can judiciously spread the word.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Acadianna on January 20, 2014, 01:56:06 PM
I agree with other posters that this is a very special occasion, deserving of a celebration.  I would happily attend this kind of party and would gladly bring a gift.

Congratulations to the two of you!
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: delabela on January 20, 2014, 02:40:36 PM
If I were one of your loved ones, I would want to celebrate with you again. 
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: cb140 on January 20, 2014, 02:55:14 PM
Teenyweeny, because I am unfortunately ignorant in such things: do you have to have another ceremony, or does your civil partnership get automatically converted into a marriage?

Because if there is another ceremony, I don't think there's anything wrong with inviting people to it.

That's what I was wondering. Don't get me wrong, I'd be thrilled for you either way, and certainly wouldn't think you were out of line for having a party/reception whatever - but is a civil partnership automatically converted into marriage, or do you have to "get married"?
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: lowspark on January 20, 2014, 03:21:59 PM
There was a thread similar to this a while back, http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=128644.0 (http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=128644.0).
Although it's slightly different as you have had the big celebration already and the question on that thread was anticipating doing the big celebration in the future, my answer is essentially the same.

You have something to celebrate. You want to throw a party so that you can share your joy with your friends and family. What could possibly be wrong with that?
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: BarensMom on January 20, 2014, 04:17:02 PM
I don't think it's the same thing exactly - sure you celebrated your civil partnership, but now you are going to be legally married!  Celebrate!  Have a whopper of a party with bells and whistles and big poofy dresses or tuxes (depending).  This is well overdue, so enjoy!
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Knitterly on January 20, 2014, 05:36:16 PM
I think this doesn't fall under the "one wedding per couple" category at all.

Maybe you can put something on the invitations about being thrilled to celebrate your full and equal marriage?

I think anyone who would be close enough for you to invite would also be close enough to be perfectly thrilled to celebrate this milestone with you.

Regarding gifts, you can pass the word along through the unofficial grapeline that this is a no-gifts occasion.

I expect people will buy you gifts anyway.  Gifts are something we give to show love and support*, and so I expect many people will want to give you something.

*As opposed to paying tribute or an entrance fee to a wedding where gifts are demanded.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Dindrane on January 20, 2014, 05:41:28 PM
A civil-partnership-converted-into-equal-marriage is something that is very much worthy of celebration, and I'm sure everyone who attended your wedding will be very happy for how this change in the law affects you and your wife.

So personally, if I knew someone in this situation and was invited to a big fun party to celebrate, I'd absolutely go. I'd definitely give them at least a card to mark the occasion, and possibly some sort of token gift as well, but only because of my own feelings of happiness and not out of any sense of obligation.

In other words, I think what you're planning on doing is fine, although perhaps without the wedding dress, if it doesn't match the formality of your party. Basically, if you wore a knee-length cocktail style dress when you got married, that would be fine for a moderately fancy party, but I wouldn't wear a full-length ballgown style unless you expect your guests to be wearing that level of formality, too.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Iris on January 20, 2014, 06:13:14 PM
Heck, wear the dress, have a party, shout from the rooftops for all I care. This is a huge deal and deserves to be celebrated. As long as you write the words "Celebration party" and not "Wedding" on the invitation I think guests will know what is what in terms of gifts. I also like the idea of cluing in a few close relatives/friends so that they can let people know that it is not a 'wedding gift' occasion if asked. I think most people will at least want to give you a card though (Hello? Hallmark? New opportunity!)

Personally if I were your friend I would buy you the biggest and best bottle of champagne that I could afford, but I think everything goes better with champagne anyway  ;D
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Library Dragon on January 20, 2014, 06:17:38 PM
I think it's a very excellent reason to celebrate, and I'm sure your loved ones feel the same way! In terms of gifts, if I received an invitation to such an event, personally I'd see it more as a bring-wine occasion than a where's-the-registry? occasion. If you are worried about being seen as a gimme-pig, I think the lack of registries will clue people in that you aren't expecting a do-over on all of the wedding present giving. I think I've also seen on EHell that it's not abominably rude to mention that you don't want gifts to a few very close people (parents, BFFs, etc. -- people to whom you're close enough that mentioning worrying about people thinking you want huge gifts wouldn't be rude), and then if other invitees ask these people for input, they can judiciously spread the word.

POD. In fact I was thinking, 'A nice bottle of wine....' when I read this post.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Teenyweeny on January 20, 2014, 06:19:03 PM
I'm not a big-poufy-dress kind of girl, my dress was a lot like this one, in fact almost identical:

(http://media.onsugar.com/files/2011/05/18/1/1491/14914189/ae83b337b3af77fc_saweran_audrey-hepburn-style-wedding-dress.jpg)

Glad to hear that it wouldn't be a bit weird to have a part-ay. I guess we'll have to wait until the law is firmed up before we send out invitations, but yay!
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Dindrane on January 20, 2014, 06:27:35 PM
If that's what your dress looks like, then by all means wear it again! You'll stand out because it's white and people may remember it as your wedding dress, but since you and your wife will be the honorees at this party, there's nothing wrong with standing out for those reasons. It's a lovely dress, and I'd want to wear it again, too.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: blarg314 on January 20, 2014, 06:34:40 PM

I think the celebration is fine, but you need to be clear that it's not a wedding and you don't want gifts, because if you say the word "wedding" people *will* feel obligated to buy presents.

I'd call it a "We can finally call it marriage!" party, and on the invitations say that you're having a blow-out to celebrate the fact that your marriage is now considered equal. A celebration of the *state's* decision, rather than your own decision, as it were.

Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Teenyweeny on January 20, 2014, 06:44:58 PM
Ha, I want to do an invitation that somehow includes this noise:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yysnM407rjE

There's no danger of it being too formal.   :D

Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Iris on January 20, 2014, 07:47:36 PM
Am I the only one who's gotten all excited and wants to go to a party now and DANCE while wearing a fabulous frock?  ;D
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: LifeOnPluto on January 20, 2014, 08:12:13 PM
I agree with Blarg and Iris, above. I'd call it a "celebrate our legal marriage party" rather than a "wedding". If you had a wedding-like civil union (with a ceremony, toasts, speeches, wedding-type gifts given, etc), I personally think it'd be slightly "off" to then go and have an actual wedding reception.

But a fun party, with friends and wine and yummy food? Bring it on!
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: sammycat on January 20, 2014, 09:10:14 PM
A civil-partnership-converted-into-equal-marriage is something that is very much worthy of celebration, and I'm sure everyone who attended your wedding will be very happy for how this change in the law affects you and your wife.

So personally, if I knew someone in this situation and was invited to a big fun party to celebrate, I'd absolutely go. I'd definitely give them at least a card to mark the occasion, and possibly some sort of token gift as well, but only because of my own feelings of happiness and not out of any sense of obligation.

Me too! If I knew any same sex couples who had had a previous commitment ceremony (because that's all they were legally allowed to do up until then), but now they could actually get 'properly' married just like any opposite sex couple, I'd be absolutely thrilled for them and love to help them celebrate.  :)
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: sammycat on January 20, 2014, 09:10:49 PM
I'm not a big-poufy-dress kind of girl, my dress was a lot like this one, in fact almost identical:

(http://media.onsugar.com/files/2011/05/18/1/1491/14914189/ae83b337b3af77fc_saweran_audrey-hepburn-style-wedding-dress.jpg)

Glad to hear that it wouldn't be a bit weird to have a part-ay. I guess we'll have to wait until the law is firmed up before we send out invitations, but yay!

Love, love, love that dress.  :D
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Ravenish on January 20, 2014, 09:47:33 PM
I'd recommend something like http://www.soundexpressiongreetings.com/ (http://www.soundexpressiongreetings.com/) to get that sound effect in. Though I'm sure there are other sites that provide a similar service.

And if it is similar to what happened when civil unions were introduced to New Zealand (it was offered to both same and different sex couples) it'll basically be a form that at least one of you need to sign in front of the appropriate authority with a processing fee that'll be called something like a Notice of Intent to become legally equal (please excuse the tongue in cheek). It was a smooth transition for us when we got same sex marriage because of that, due to the different sex couples being able to switch between the two legal relationship states with a form and a fee so very nearly if not all the structure was already there in the system for same sex couples to do the same.

That being said, congrats on your soon to come legal status.

Edited for clarity and because my grammar fairy moved out the other week
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: nolechica on January 20, 2014, 10:16:01 PM
I see no problem and would glad help my friends here in the US do the same when their respective states allow it.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Promise on January 20, 2014, 10:22:33 PM
To answer: I wouldn't consider this a wedding. I consider it a celebration of our newly equal status. So, there'd be no ceremony. Just a party.

Also, we are 'legal'. Just not equal. We're about to become equal. I'd still consider the date of our wedding to be our anniversary, and that day will always be remembered as our wedding. This would be a celebration of our newly equal legal status, not another wedding.

I guess I'm confused. You already had a ceremony and party. Why do it again and invite people? They'll feel an obligation. Why not celebrate as a couple instead.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Ravenish on January 20, 2014, 10:47:46 PM
To answer: I wouldn't consider this a wedding. I consider it a celebration of our newly equal status. So, there'd be no ceremony. Just a party.

Also, we are 'legal'. Just not equal. We're about to become equal. I'd still consider the date of our wedding to be our anniversary, and that day will always be remembered as our wedding. This would be a celebration of our newly equal legal status, not another wedding.

I guess I'm confused. You already had a ceremony and party. Why do it again and invite people? They'll feel an obligation. Why not celebrate as a couple instead.

How I'm reading it is that it isn't going to be a celebration of the union itself, they've already done that and TeenyWeeny says that it's not going to be a second wedding with all the trimmings. It's celebrating a positive change in her legal rights basically skipping right to the party to celebrate that the union will be legally indistinguishable from that of the majority. She's celebrating the fact that the government has essentially stopped saying "Well I suppose you can have a legal status but you're not allowed to use the M word in the legal sense".

It's hard to describe the feeling when you can have the same legal rights as someone else but you're given a different word to avoid annoying everyone else. It's basically a feeling of being told you're included and excluded at the same time and you should be happy about it because we could have not even considered including you in the first place.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Allyson on January 21, 2014, 12:57:59 AM
Honestly IMO, if people feel an obligation that's not Teenyweeny's fault. You could say that for any party/gathering, that people might only go because they feel obligated. I think that the only possible 'faux pas' would be using the word wedding, which they aren't planning on doing, so I don't see the issue at all.

Then again, my feeling is never "why have a party" but "why NOT have a party". :D
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Flibbertigibbet on January 21, 2014, 05:22:58 AM
If I was someone close enough to you have been invited to the civil partnership celebration, now you can legally be married I would be honoured to be invited to that too! I think my only response to this question would be 'yay, teenyweeny and wife' and 'PARTY!' I 'd also probably bring another gift - but that would be my choice because I wanted to :)
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: lowspark on January 21, 2014, 07:55:04 AM
I'm not a big-poufy-dress kind of girl, my dress was a lot like this one, in fact almost identical:

(http://media.onsugar.com/files/2011/05/18/1/1491/14914189/ae83b337b3af77fc_saweran_audrey-hepburn-style-wedding-dress.jpg)

Glad to hear that it wouldn't be a bit weird to have a part-ay. I guess we'll have to wait until the law is firmed up before we send out invitations, but yay!

I love the dress!!
Just gotta ask because I'm nosy inquisitive.
What did/will your wife wear? And let's see the shoes too!  ;D (I love clothes. And shoes.)
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Teenyweeny on January 21, 2014, 08:10:42 AM
I had the shoes made bespoke, because I'm a fusspot about shoes.

I can't find a picture online that looks like the wife's dress, it was very minimalist too though. Something very like this:

(http://www.stylejunkee.com/wp-content/top%2010%20wedding%20dress%20high%20street9.1.jpg)
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: lowspark on January 21, 2014, 08:16:44 AM
I like 'em both.  :)
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: tinkytinky on January 21, 2014, 08:17:01 AM
I would just say on the invite "Come and help us celebrate the UK coming to it's senses!"  :)  (I don't think people would view this as a gift giving celebration phrased like that)

From what you described, OP, I don't see this as a 'wedding' or 'union' celebration, but more of an 'anniversary' type of celebration of which people throw parties all the time. Of course people usually bring gifts....
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: DaDancingPsych on January 21, 2014, 08:24:44 AM
I did not read all the replies, so hopefully I did not miss important information.

I am putting myself in the shoes of your guests. Personally, I view this upgrade as a legal one and not one in your actual relationship. You are already committed and married in my book! If I was close to you, then I may be happy to celebrate with you. If I was a more distant friend or relative, I may feel like I am being asked to do a second wedding. In fact, I would likely decline the invitation feeling like I had already celebrated your commitment to each other. Either way, I would feel obligated to bring a second gift, which would honestly irritate me a bit. To be clear, I would be (and actually am) very happy for you.

I think the key is to make this look like less of a wedding reception and more of a party. I would likely keep the party smaller and to those who are close to me. If I really felt the need to have another big party, then I would take great care in how the invitations are worded so that it does not sound like a gift giving occasion. I would also not register anywhere. I would also put the word out with some trusted individuals that this gifts are not anticipated in the hopes that people will not feel obligated. But I think that this would be tricky, as I would likely feel like I should bring something. I would probably forgo some of the traditional wedding reception activities, especially if I did them the first time. I would truly try to make this more of a party.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Teenyweeny on January 21, 2014, 08:31:43 AM
We didn't really do 'traditional activities', apart from the speeches, and I'm sure we'd be foregoing these too, for this party. At least, the wife and I might make a speech, but nobody else.

We didn't register first time around, and we certainly wouldn't do it this time. We also (probably) wouldn't do formal invites, more verbal/phone/online, so it would definitely feel more informal. Basically, it would just be another big, hosted party.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Thipu1 on January 21, 2014, 09:37:22 AM
Both dresses are gorgeous!  I would wear them but, to take the 'Wedding' edge off, pair them with colorful jewelry. 

The change in law DOES mean a change in the status of your relationship.  Go ahead and celebrate as much as you want.  I'd love to be invited to a party like that.

Congratulations and every happiness to you both!
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: White Lotus on January 21, 2014, 10:44:22 AM
Love both dresses!  Call it an upgrade party, even do the paperwork, if there will be any, there, and rock it out with a whale of a party.  As long as you aren't trying to have a do-over with showers, registries, hen parties, etc., I don't see anything at all wrong with this.  Congratulations, and have a ball.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: mbbored on January 21, 2014, 11:49:25 AM
Go for it! This definitely counts as a situation worthy of two celebrations.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: jaxsue on January 21, 2014, 12:51:44 PM
OP, I'd love to be invited to a celebration like yours.

In my case, I've been married once (not a BWW, our religious sect kept things simple) and divorced after 22 yrs, but if I remarry I want a JOP ceremony and a big party with lots of dancing and good food (no gifts - they're not needed). I don't see that as an issue, honestly. I've lost count of the repeat BWW's I've gone to (one cousin had 4 of them!). Granted, in my case there was not an issue of my rights being denied.

And, honestly, I want the fun reception I was denied the first time.  :)
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: jaxsue on January 21, 2014, 12:52:51 PM
Teenyweeny, because I am unfortunately ignorant in such things: do you have to have another ceremony, or does your civil partnership get automatically converted into a marriage?

Because if there is another ceremony, I don't think there's anything wrong with inviting people to it.

That's what I was wondering. Don't get me wrong, I'd be thrilled for you either way, and certainly wouldn't think you were out of line for having a party/reception whatever - but is a civil partnership automatically converted into marriage, or do you have to "get married"?

I won't speak for anyone else, but here in NJ you have to have an official ceremony; a civil union isn't quite the same.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: katycoo on January 21, 2014, 04:29:51 PM
I think it would be better if you make the celebration more casul to counteract those general wedding expectations.

Send an email saying you're upgrading your vows and hitting up X venue for dinner and partying afterwards.  You'll be there from 7 if anyone is free and wants to come along to celebrate.

And defs wear your dress.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Winterlight on January 25, 2014, 12:38:08 PM
So, a couple of recent threads had me mulling over something that I will be facing quite soon.

My wife and I have a civil partnership. The UK is set to bring in full, equal marriage quite soon, and of course we want to upgrade! When that happens, you are dingdangity right I'll want to celebrate it! The thing is, we already had our wedding. It was a beautiful, magical day, with a great big party and lots of guests.

Basically, what we'd both want, to celebrate our equal marriage, would be another 'reception', for want of a better word. I mean food, booze, and dancing. I wouldn't want to do the ceremony over, but I'd like to mark the occasion. I even want to wear my dress again (I have some hardcore love for that dress). Of course, we wouldn't want gifts, and there'd be no accompanying parties (we don't do showers in the UK, and I'd certainly not have another hen night).

What would be your reaction on being invited to such an event? It's a kind of unusual situation, so there's not really an established protocol...

I'd be happy, show up and have fun!
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: lakey on January 26, 2014, 04:24:29 PM
Ordinarily I'm not in favor of having a second big celebration, but I believe there are special circumstances. One exception would be a couple like yourself who were not previously allowed to have the "real deal" and now want to celebrate. Another exception might be a couple who were not able to have a big wedding because of something along the lines of a military deployment.
Have fun planning your wedding.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: lakey on January 26, 2014, 04:27:13 PM
Oops, sorry. Have fun planning your reception.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: PurpleFrog on January 27, 2014, 11:25:44 AM
If it were my friends I'd be there with bells, streamers and a fabulous hat!
Or possibly dressed as a cyberman in honour of the 'upgrade' ;) But thats because I'm odd like that, but its OK so are my friends.

Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on January 27, 2014, 04:04:23 PM
I'll generally say yes to any party with a good enough reason for the party. For example, my friend once threw a party because she really wanted a cake form Costco and they only come in giant sheet cake form, so she threw a party so we could all eat it. And I found that to be an excellent reason to have a party. So I'd say a very loud yes to your invitation.

If our state ever legalizes same sex marriages (and hopefully it will), we'll be throwing a hey it's finally legal here, wa-hoo celebration.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: White Lotus on February 03, 2014, 02:37:45 PM
Go for it.  It isn't a "second wedding" at all.  I am also a "why NOT have a party?" Person.  I would go, and might bring a bottle of bubbly, but I would not see it as a gift giving occasion.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: VorFemme on February 03, 2014, 03:15:27 PM
Serve Kit-Kats, in honor of the recent upgrade to Android - it might be easier to buy ten pounds of Kit-Kats than to come up with Cybermen costumes.

I suppose a cake in the shape of a Cyberman's head would work - depending on the price difference & the number of Dr. Who fans in your social circle.
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: ladyknight1 on February 04, 2014, 08:23:20 AM
Absolutely have a fabulous party to celebrate! Once I have a house (this year), DH and I will be throwing a few annual bashes, and no gifts are expected. I love parties!
Title: Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
Post by: Copper Horsewoman on February 17, 2014, 04:05:01 PM
Am I the only one who's gotten all excited and wants to go to a party now and DANCE while wearing a fabulous frock?  ;D

POD! And if the dress is similar to what you pictured, it would be lovely to wear no matter what level of formality you intend.