Etiquette Hell

Wedding Bliss and Blues => Our Wedding Day => Topic started by: mspallaton on February 12, 2014, 02:49:44 PM

Title: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: mspallaton on February 12, 2014, 02:49:44 PM
Hi all,

I've got a fairly silly one for everybody.  My dad had some... interesting ideas... about what constituted proper wedding etiquette.  I'm wondering how many of them have merit - possibly in outdated rules about etiquette or something.  Before I share them, I want to point out that he didn't cause a fuss or a fight about any of them and all of the conversations were good-natured.

Here are the biggest ones he told us:
- Bridesmaids and groomsmen cannot be married.  I cracked up at this one because he said it a couple months before the ceremony -- long after the bridesmaids, groomsmen and one bridesman had been chosen.  It came up because DH said he wanted something traditional (I can't remember what) and dad's response was to say we were already being non-traditional because of married wedding parties... ignoring the bridesman though...  :)

- No flower girls over 6 yrs old.  He didn't argue that point because the only girl we knew well enough to trust besides my 10-yr-old cousin was 2.5 yrs at the time of the ceremony so he said we could 'make an exception' so the younger girl had someone keeping an eye on her.

- The Pastor is supposed to tell everyone where to stand in the processional and decide the music for the ceremony.  I've never heard of that, but my mom mentioned that's how things worked at their church when they get married so maybe it was a local thing.  That was in response to DH and I getting an e-mail from the organist where we were doing the ceremony asking us to choose songs.

- And my favorite/the reason this went into the Wedding Day section: "The bride is supposed to arrive at least 5, if not 15 minutes late to the ceremony venue."  I cashed in my bridezilla chip on that one because he didn't bust it out until 20 minutes before we were supposed to leave because I asked him why he didn't have his tux on.  He thought he had another 40 minutes. 
-----------------------
Like I said - my dad's a good-natured man so none of these were family fights or blow ups.  Mostly they were just head-scratchers because I honestly didn't know if they were correct or not - so, mostly out of curiosity - I thought I would toss it up to the experts.  Thoughts?  Any of these ring true about wedding etiquette?
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: daen on February 12, 2014, 04:56:06 PM
Hi all,

I've got a fairly silly one for everybody.  My dad had some... interesting ideas... about what constituted proper wedding etiquette.  I'm wondering how many of them have merit - possibly in outdated rules about etiquette or something.  Before I share them, I want to point out that he didn't cause a fuss or a fight about any of them and all of the conversations were good-natured.

Here are the biggest ones he told us:
- Bridesmaids and groomsmen cannot be married.  I cracked up at this one because he said it a couple months before the ceremony -- long after the bridesmaids, groomsmen and one bridesman had been chosen.  It came up because DH said he wanted something traditional (I can't remember what) and dad's response was to say we were already being non-traditional because of married wedding parties... ignoring the bridesman though...  :)

- No flower girls over 6 yrs old.  He didn't argue that point because the only girl we knew well enough to trust besides my 10-yr-old cousin was 2.5 yrs at the time of the ceremony so he said we could 'make an exception' so the younger girl had someone keeping an eye on her.

- The Pastor is supposed to tell everyone where to stand in the processional and decide the music for the ceremony.  I've never heard of that, but my mom mentioned that's how things worked at their church when they get married so maybe it was a local thing.  That was in response to DH and I getting an e-mail from the organist where we were doing the ceremony asking us to choose songs.

- And my favorite/the reason this went into the Wedding Day section: "The bride is supposed to arrive at least 5, if not 15 minutes late to the ceremony venue."  I cashed in my bridezilla chip on that one because he didn't bust it out until 20 minutes before we were supposed to leave because I asked him why he didn't have his tux on.  He thought he had another 40 minutes. 
-----------------------
Like I said - my dad's a good-natured man so none of these were family fights or blow ups.  Mostly they were just head-scratchers because I honestly didn't know if they were correct or not - so, mostly out of curiosity - I thought I would toss it up to the experts.  Thoughts?  Any of these ring true about wedding etiquette?

Well, he may have had a point (in part) on item #1: technically one can't be a bridesmaid if one is married. I believe this is why the old terminology was Matron of Honor instead of Maid of Honor if the lady was already wed. But otherwise... no. Don't think so.

Item #2: No idea where that might have come from. I personally wouldn't want a flower girl/ring bearer much younger than 6. But then, I didn't want either one at all at my wedding.

Item #3: I've seen pastors organize the wedding rehearsal and tell people to stand, but only when that job is given to them because no one else knows what to do. And choosing the music? Not in my experience. I understand that some houses of worship will veto certain types of music via the officiant, but not choose all the music.

Item #4: I have heard of it being traditional for the bride to arrive late, but I tend to think of that as bad planning and/or rude.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: Hmmmmm on February 12, 2014, 05:29:56 PM
I think at sometime married women serving as attendants weren't common. They had households to run so didn't have time for such foolishness. ::) But a married sister or close friend could be a matron of honor which was more symbolic and not expected to do much.

Haven't heard of an age restriction on flower girls.

I do know some ministers used to have very strict guidelines on the marriage ceremony and probably did set the procession and other guidelines. In my church all music must be approved by the clergy. And they may make recommendations if you need them.

Brides arriving late is unusual. But if your wedding is at 7 I could see the music starting then and parents being seated, bridal party marching in taking 5 to 10 minutes. So the bride doesn't make an appearance till 7:10 or so. But in my city, brides and party dress at the church. So no reason to arrive late.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: Harriet Jones on February 12, 2014, 06:17:36 PM
Hi all,

I've got a fairly silly one for everybody.  My dad had some... interesting ideas... about what constituted proper wedding etiquette.  I'm wondering how many of them have merit - possibly in outdated rules about etiquette or something.  Before I share them, I want to point out that he didn't cause a fuss or a fight about any of them and all of the conversations were good-natured.

Here are the biggest ones he told us:
- Bridesmaids and groomsmen cannot be married.  I cracked up at this one because he said it a couple months before the ceremony -- long after the bridesmaids, groomsmen and one bridesman had been chosen.  It came up because DH said he wanted something traditional (I can't remember what) and dad's response was to say we were already being non-traditional because of married wedding parties... ignoring the bridesman though...  :)

Nope.

Quote

- No flower girls over 6 yrs old.  He didn't argue that point because the only girl we knew well enough to trust besides my 10-yr-old cousin was 2.5 yrs at the time of the ceremony so he said we could 'make an exception' so the younger girl had someone keeping an eye on her.

Traditionally, flower girls usually aren't *too* terribly old, but there's no age limit. 

Quote
- The Pastor is supposed to tell everyone where to stand in the processional and decide the music for the ceremony.  I've never heard of that, but my mom mentioned that's how things worked at their church when they get married so maybe it was a local thing.  That was in response to DH and I getting an e-mail from the organist where we were doing the ceremony asking us to choose songs.

I'd imagine the pastor might want to have some input into where everyone should stand.  We worked with the organist on what music we'd have.  I imagine she would have told us if something was inappropriate. 

Quote
- And my favorite/the reason this went into the Wedding Day section: "The bride is supposed to arrive at least 5, if not 15 minutes late to the ceremony venue."  I cashed in my bridezilla chip on that one because he didn't bust it out until 20 minutes before we were supposed to leave because I asked him why he didn't have his tux on.  He thought he had another 40 minutes. 
-----------------------
Like I said - my dad's a good-natured man so none of these were family fights or blow ups.  Mostly they were just head-scratchers because I honestly didn't know if they were correct or not - so, mostly out of curiosity - I thought I would toss it up to the experts.  Thoughts?  Any of these ring true about wedding etiquette?

So the ceremony's not supposed to start on time?  Or be really really late because the bride's actually getting ready at the church? Weird.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: kherbert05 on February 12, 2014, 07:37:33 PM
I think that the bride being "late" might come from the days before there were brides rooms in churches. Everyone would come in and be seated - then the bride and bridesmaids would arrive with the guests inside so noone saw "The dress" till she was walking down the aisle. The wedding would actually start on time, because this convention was understood. I remember stories older family members told about weddings and the gossips who would come late so they would get to see the Bride First - like it was a competition.


In those stories for the Protestant side of the family they usually mentioned the bride and bridesmaids getting ready at the parsonage.

On the Catholic side - usually at the closest family/close friends house because the rectory/convent were not considered appropriate places to dress for a wedding. [/size][size=78%] [/size]
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: TootsNYC on February 12, 2014, 10:14:31 PM
Those actually don't seem that outlandish to me. And I've vaguely heard of them as traditions.

At once time, the attendants *were* unmarried--very, very long ago.

And yes, flower girls are frequently considered to be young--girls much older than 6 are usually junior bridesmaids.

Pastors are completely in charge of what happens during a worship service, and a religious wedding ceremony *is* a religious service. If the pastor has delegated this to a wedding coordinator at his church, that's his prerogative. But I know quite a few pastors who wouldn't be that happy having a professional wedding coordinator tell him what would happen, especially if it deviated from what he thought was appropriate. And for my wedding, there was no wedding coordinator period, and the pastor ran the rehearsal and told us where to go.
   Hey, after all, he's the one who's done this before. He's the officiant of the service, he knows what's happening.

The bride being a little late--that's actually a bit sensible, especially if she's not getting dressed at the church but is arriving and immediately starting down the aisle. That allows people who are only a tiny bit late to be seated and settled before things begin. But I'd say no more than 15 minutes late.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: mspallaton on February 13, 2014, 09:56:51 AM
 :D

This is why I love this site.  Out of context they all seemed kind of odd, but every single one of them has some basis in real etiquette.  Thank you all for the replies - it was neat to see where those ideas came from and that they had real traditions they were based on.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: Thipu1 on February 13, 2014, 10:18:18 AM
This is an interesting thread. 

IME, girls of ten would be considered junior bridesmaids, although, if a girl of that age doesn't mind being a flower girl I see nothing wrong with it. 

For a ceremony held in a house of worship the officient usually does stage manage the bridal party because s/he know what works best given the layout of the sanctuary.  Also, some denominations are quite strict about not allowing secular music during the ceremony.  When we were planning our Wedding, appropriate music was discussed during our Pre-Cana meetings but a very wide choice was available.  There was plenty of room to express personal taste without having  'Lucy and Linus' as the recessional in a large church. 

Because of little hitches that happen on every Wedding day, Brides are often a bit late but I've never heard that this was a tradition. 

As for unmarried attendants, this is the first I've heard of that rule. 

 

Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: bloo on February 13, 2014, 11:06:52 AM
Interesting thread.

Every wedding I've been to for fellow adherents of my place of worship has been on time with little-to-no-wait for the reception. Punctuality is considered very important. The only blip of difference was the most recent wedding I've been to. I saw a lot of things that were very different to what's traditional.

Generally the husband doesn't see the bride until she walks down the aisle, but in every wedding I've been to, the groom saw the bride in her wedding finery beforehand as they'd already taken most pictures. So there's rarely much of a delay before the reception. The most recent wedding I attended, the bride was very late making her appearance even though she was onsite. The groom didn't see her so they took an enormous amount of time getting pictures. Not wrong but I hadn't planned for that. We were instructed to head to the reception site right after but the only snacks provided were soft drinks and a small amount of cookies. For upwards of 250+ persons. Dinner was served much later than what the invitation intimated. I'd waited so long to eat that I could not eat cookies to hold me over as that would have made me sick. I finally told my DH that I needed to leave and he and another gentleman at our table with blood sugar issues (like us) made a move to get up and join us when they called our table to go to the buffet. Three hours after the reception 'started'.

Punctuality...it's very important!  :) 

Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: lakey on February 14, 2014, 11:50:05 AM
"- The Pastor is supposed to tell everyone where to stand in the processional and decide the music for the ceremony."

In the Catholic Church the pastor doesn't pick the music, but it must be liturgical, that means religious. You can pick your music from liturgical music, and the organist helps you with that. If you want a particular song, he/she will let you know if it is okay. You can't use a non-religious folk song or pop song,for instance, unless you have a priest who doesn't follow the church's rules.  As a matter of fact, I believe that you can't use "Here Comes the Bride" because it is not religious music. I think  it's from a Wagner opera.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: TootsNYC on February 14, 2014, 11:52:22 AM
"- The Pastor is supposed to tell everyone where to stand in the processional and decide the music for the ceremony."

In the Catholic Church the pastor doesn't pick the music, but it must be liturgical, that means religious. You can pick your music from liturgical music, and the organist helps you with that. If you want a particular song, he/she will let you know if it is okay. You can't use a non-religious folk song or pop song,for instance, unless you have a priest who doesn't follow the church's rules.  As a matter of fact, I believe that you can't use "Here Comes the Bride" because it is not religious music. I think  it's from a Wagner opera.

This was true of the Lutheran pastor who officiated at my wedding.
I do know some Lutheran pastors who have decided they don't care about that processional. And who wouldn't care about a non-religious pop song as long as it's not directly contrary to doctrine.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: lakey on February 14, 2014, 11:56:40 AM
Sorry for double post.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: mechtilde on February 14, 2014, 11:58:47 AM
"- The Pastor is supposed to tell everyone where to stand in the processional and decide the music for the ceremony."

In the Catholic Church the pastor doesn't pick the music, but it must be liturgical, that means religious. You can pick your music from liturgical music, and the organist helps you with that. If you want a particular song, he/she will let you know if it is okay. You can't use a non-religious folk song or pop song,for instance, unless you have a priest who doesn't follow the church's rules.  As a matter of fact, I believe that you can't use "Here Comes the Bride" because it is not religious music. I think  it's from a Wagner opera.

This was true of the Lutheran pastor who officiated at my wedding.
I do know some Lutheran pastors who have decided they don't care about that processional. And who wouldn't care about a non-religious pop song as long as it's not directly contrary to doctrine.

It was also true of the Anglican priest who married us. It is the norm for the couple to chose the music, and the priest would be able to say no to anything inappropriate.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on February 14, 2014, 12:24:19 PM
I didn't have a traditional wedding but I have been a Jr. Bridesmaid as well as a regular one twice, once before I was married and once afterwards.

As for flower girls, my first time I was 6 and I think the second time I was either 7 or 8.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: Vall on February 15, 2014, 08:26:00 AM
I know that it isn't common now but bridesmaids being unmarried doesn't seem like an odd idea to me.  A maid of honor is unmarried.  A matron of honor is married.  So it wouldn't seem off to say that a bridesmaid is unmarried.  I wonder if there was ever such a thing as a bridesmatron.

When wealthy, young, unmarried women had maids to attend to their needs, weren't the maids generally unmarried anyway?  I will admit that I am totally guessing at this due to watching too many movies.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: Bethalize on February 15, 2014, 08:29:08 AM
The bride would have bridesmaids with her to confuse evil spirits who are attracted to happy young virgins. That's why the bridesmaids would dress similarly, to confuse said evil spirits. It's custom, not a requirement for politeness' sake.

Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: TootsNYC on February 15, 2014, 11:55:22 AM

When wealthy, young, unmarried women had maids to attend to their needs, weren't the maids generally unmarried anyway?  I will admit that I am totally guessing at this due to watching too many movies.

Yes, and I think they were expected to quit working if they got married. Mostly because they now had a "job" taking care of their husband, plus they lived with him, and "maids" were usually live-in. Only a very few people were married, like the housekeeper, maybe mostly because of the housing situation.
  If you lived "out," you were daily help or something, but not a ladies' maid or attendant.

Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: CakeEater on February 17, 2014, 03:45:51 AM
It is kind-of traditional here is Australia for the bride to arrive late to the wedding. I guess to give the guests time to get in and settled. I arrived on the dot of the stated time, being a bit of a punctuality nut. 5-10 minutes, I can handle - I went to a wedding once where the bride was 45 minutes late. Too much!

I think the celebrant should be telling people where to stand - they're the ones who have done this countless times and know how things best work in general, and in their location in particular. Ours was a bit stern about this in a good-natured way, which was fine with us.

Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: Lynn2000 on February 17, 2014, 12:55:26 PM
POD to the others, I think most of these have some basis in tradition or logistics, but I would be pretty annoyed at a third party telling me what I could and couldn't do! Though you said it was all good-natured so I don't want to make a big deal out of it. The why-aren't-you-dressed-yet thing would really steam me, though--my dad takes forever to get ready (much longer than me and my mom) so if he hadn't started when we needed to leave in 20 minutes, I would've just left without him.

People still do preserve the split between Maid of Honor (single) and Matron of Honor (married), at least in weddings I've seen; but then the other attendants are just "bridesmaids"--as someone else said, I've never heard of a "bridesmatron." The word Matron just sounds so... matronly. Kind of old and stuffy, like you invited Great Aunt Gladys to be in your wedding party. Plus there are so many different relationship states a person can be in today (and be socially acceptable)--at my friend Amy's wedding there were bridesmaids who were single, married, divorced, never married single moms, unmarried but living with a long-term SO... to start dividing them into maids vs. matrons would seem like a bad idea all around! Not to mention the fact that the guys are all just groomsmen. I think her "Maid of Honor" was her sister, who was not yet married but was living with her boyfriend--they eventually married but I don't remember if they were engaged at the time of Amy's wedding or not.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: earthgirl on February 19, 2014, 01:18:51 PM
Hi all,

I've got a fairly silly one for everybody.  My dad had some... interesting ideas... about what constituted proper wedding etiquette.  I'm wondering how many of them have merit - possibly in outdated rules about etiquette or something.  Before I share them, I want to point out that he didn't cause a fuss or a fight about any of them and all of the conversations were good-natured.

Here are the biggest ones he told us:
- Bridesmaids and groomsmen cannot be married.  I cracked up at this one because he said it a couple months before the ceremony -- long after the bridesmaids, groomsmen and one bridesman had been chosen.  It came up because DH said he wanted something traditional (I can't remember what) and dad's response was to say we were already being non-traditional because of married wedding parties... ignoring the bridesman though...  :)


Well, he may have had a point (in part) on item #1: technically one can't be a bridesmaid if one is married. I believe this is why the old terminology was Matron of Honor instead of Maid of Honor if the lady was already wed. But otherwise... no. Don't think so.


When my SIL asked me to be her matron of honor, I jokingly told her I refused to be matron of anything.  I wasn't going to belabor the point, it wasn't really that big a deal, I just had difficulty thinking of myself as matronly.  She was very accommodating and had me introduced as her maid of honor (and wrote it on the program too), despite the fact that I had a wedding band on my finger and was 7 months pregnant at the time of her wedding.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: Another Sarah on February 27, 2014, 04:18:53 AM

When wealthy, young, unmarried women had maids to attend to their needs, weren't the maids generally unmarried anyway?  I will admit that I am totally guessing at this due to watching too many movies.

Yes, and I think they were expected to quit working if they got married. Mostly because they now had a "job" taking care of their husband, plus they lived with him, and "maids" were usually live-in. Only a very few people were married, like the housekeeper, maybe mostly because of the housing situation.
  If you lived "out," you were daily help or something, but not a ladies' maid or attendant.

Maids of honour were originally the young lady's chaperone to all functions, they were supposed to guard the bride's virtue or honour - hence the name. It was assumed that if the maid of honour was sneaking off to meet a boy, that the girl could be too.

It was considered very unseemly for married women to be attending unmarried girls, often you were expected to leave service if you got married.

edited because I inserted the wrong quote
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: Margo on February 27, 2014, 07:05:51 AM
Hi all,

I've got a fairly silly one for everybody.  My dad had some... interesting ideas... about what constituted proper wedding etiquette.  I'm wondering how many of them have merit - possibly in outdated rules about etiquette or something.  Before I share them, I want to point out that he didn't cause a fuss or a fight about any of them and all of the conversations were good-natured.

Here are the biggest ones he told us:
- Bridesmaids and groomsmen cannot be married.  I cracked up at this one because he said it a couple months before the ceremony -- long after the bridesmaids, groomsmen and one bridesman had been chosen.  It came up because DH said he wanted something traditional (I can't remember what) and dad's response was to say we were already being non-traditional because of married wedding parties... ignoring the bridesman though...  :)

I think, techinically, a married bridesmaid is a matron of honour. I've never heard of any restrictions on groomsmen, but we don't do them much in the UK (just a best man) so it wouldn't apply.
Quote
- No flower girls over 6 yrs old.  He didn't argue that point because the only girl we knew well enough to trust besides my 10-yr-old cousin was 2.5 yrs at the time of the ceremony so he said we could 'make an exception' so the younger girl had someone keeping an eye on her.
Terminology. I think at some point you stop calling her a flower girl and start calling her a bridesmaid.
Quote
- The Pastor is supposed to tell everyone where to stand in the processional and decide the music for the ceremony.  I've never heard of that, but my mom mentioned that's how things worked at their church when they get married so maybe it was a local thing.  That was in response to DH and I getting an e-mail from the organist where we were doing the ceremony asking us to choose songs.
I would expect the pastor to give directions about he processional as s/he knows what does and doesn't work in the church (for instance, it's usual hear that the bridesmaids follow the bride up the aisle. When my sister got married, the vicar told us to go first with her following us, otherwise it gets really awkward when we arrive at the alter rail as there isn't a lot of space, so it works better that way round in terms of taking the brides bouquet and sitting down out of the way ;-)  )
I wouldn't expect the pastor to chose the music although I would expect them to be able to veto something they saw as inappropriate.
Quote
- And my favorite/the reason this went into the Wedding Day section: "The bride is supposed to arrive at least 5, if not 15 minutes late to the ceremony venue."  I cashed in my bridezilla chip on that one because he didn't bust it out until 20 minutes before we were supposed to leave because I asked him why he didn't have his tux on.  He thought he had another 40 minutes. 
-----------------------
Like I said - my dad's a good-natured man so none of these were family fights or blow ups.  Mostly they were just head-scratchers because I honestly didn't know if they were correct or not - so, mostly out of curiosity - I thought I would toss it up to the experts.  Thoughts?  Any of these ring true about wedding etiquette?

Definitely no set amount of lateness. I think it would be rude for the Bride to arrive *early*, though.

I used to ring for a lot of weddings. We rang at one church where the vicar got so fed up with brides turning up very late that he warned all his couples - more than 10 minutes late - one of the hymns is cut. More than 25 minutes late, both hymns are cut and the choir is sent home, more than 40 minutes late and the Vicar goes home.
He didn't include bellringers in his list because arrangements were made with us separately but we
would warn people that as we often had more than one wedding on any given day, if you ran late the ringing at the end of the service would be cut short and if you had not finished the ceremony by the time we had to leave, we would have to leave (and no, you don't get a refund)
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: goldilocks on February 27, 2014, 11:22:21 AM
The last wedding I went to in a church, there was a lady (not the priest or pastor) who worked for the church and coordinated the entrance/exit of the wedding party.    She came with the fee paid for the church.

I went to a wedding that was held in a non-church setting, and the bride had hired a wedding coordinator for the wedding day only, whose job was to coordinate the wedding party entrance, run the rehearsal, and direct the caters, dj and photographer.   This was money well spent, otherwise the bride or her mother would have been trying to do this.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: gellchom on September 08, 2014, 12:18:34 PM
I'm having fun thinking of what inappropriate musical choices led to rules that the clergy had to choose or even approve the music!

My husband is clergy, and couples often ask him for suggestions or ask if their choices are okay.  I don't remember him ever telling anyone that anything they asked for wasn't appropriate.

The only exception was once or twice when someone wanted to use Wagner's wedding march from Lohengrin -- what we think of as "Here Comes the Bride."  There's no rule against using it at our synagogue, but it is considered screamingly inappropriate for Jewish weddings, because Wagner was a terrible anti-Semite and the favorite composer of the Nazis.  So when someone who doesn't know that says they want to use it, he gently tells them that they can if they want, but they might want to avoid it because "in the past when people have done it, some people laughed at them."  Probably more are offended than laugh, but sad to say, some people won't care if they might be offending people, but they care very much about the possibility of anyone laughing at them.
Title: Re: Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013
Post by: Sanity Lost on September 25, 2015, 05:38:03 PM
I was 30 minutes late for my wedding. Not due to traffic ( we were there 3 hours early). Nope, my Dear MIL who was bringing her side of the family (including 1 of my bridesmaids and ushers and the GROOM) didnt show up until 5 AFTER the wedding was supposed to have started. I was in the midst of a panic attack at that point and it took 15 minutes to calm me down and repair my makeup. I actually love her dearly, but the woman will be late to her own funeral (If I have to bribe the hearse driver to do it ;) ).