Etiquette Hell

A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. Guests, register for forum membership to see all the boards. => Time For a Coffee Break! => Topic started by: Katana_Geldar on March 04, 2014, 07:20:08 PM

Title: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Katana_Geldar on March 04, 2014, 07:20:08 PM
People can be well-meaning when they give or offer help. But sometimes....you just really wish they wouldn't, not just for annoyances but sometimes they're helping can really make things worse.

This week I've encountered a case of it, more in the annoyance category than anything else.

I'm enrolling students into their new courses, one of the other assistants who is sitting next to me keeps on chiming in while I'm talking to students telling me things that I already know. It's all I can do to not look and talk at him icily for interrupting me abruptly. He hasn't caught on that I don't need his help and rather get on and do my job without interruption.

Any other stories?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: siamesecat2965 on March 05, 2014, 08:48:36 AM
Not anything specific, but when I ask someone at work about something, they say no, and in my mind, that's the end of it, but they feel the need to continue on, until i either have what I asked for, or the issue is resolved. When it doens't alwasy need to be.  For example, do we have a membership in a particular org. as I need to *try* and get a copy of something they put out. If we do, great, can I have that info so I can get what I need, but if not, the world won't end.

I had one CW, who thankfully is gone, we dubbed "Useless" since he was. He unfortunately was the one I had to ask these types of things for, and in spite of me needing a simple yes or no, he'd then take it upon himself to find it himself, calling and emailing people he thought MIGHT be able to help, and so on, which was completley unnecesary, and a waste of time. It drove me nuts.

I have another CW who does the same thing; she's a bit paranoid and one who thinks no stone must go unturned, when my view is yes, sometimes, but other times, if something isn't available, or I'm not specifically ASKED to do a certain task, then I'm not going to, as its not "an efficient use" aka waste of my time. 

She will then go on about it, and take it upon herself to do whatever it is SHE thinks needs to be done, when its not even her responsiblity.  She's so afraid someone in her group, aka her boss, will come down on HER for not having this info, when many times, its not even necessary.  Where I am more laid back, and know what needs to be done, and must be done, vs. what would be nice, but not a requirement.

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: AzaleaBloom on March 05, 2014, 10:07:14 AM
I love my mom dearly.  I really do.  However, my brother and I have nicknamed her "The Well Meaning Pitbull", based on the myth that a pitbulls jaws "lock" and can't be released.  When she gets hold of something, it can be next to impossible to get her to drop it.  One such thing is when she decides she has to "help" us with something.

My brother - pretty much up until he became a father, much to the sometimes annoyance of his wife - was always happy to let her do so.  Me, not so much. 

One such example is when I was still living with them.  I am the member of a greek organization, and am active in an alumnae chapter.  I had agreed to host a meeting.  (with my parents knowledge and okay, of course.)  Leading up to the meeting, I had cleaned the rooms we would be meeting in and purchased snacks/drinks - all that is really required for hosting.

Then mom decided to help.

Her helping meant harping on me incessently about how to present food, how to present the drinks, and how almighty IMPORTANT appearances are when it comes to hosting.  I tried to point out to her that most sisters in this group live in apartments and we had several meetings in common areas - where appearances couldn't be controlled - and no one cared.  That wasn't good enough for her.  Then she started getting worked up because the cooler the sodas were in didn't match the decor of the room.  I again told her that *I had things under control* and did not need her to tell me how to host - in fact, I had hosted meetings of my college chapter in my apartment and knew what to do.  She continued to "help" by moving chairs, moving snacks, and basically getting in the way of me - who knew how meetings were run and how things needed to be set up.  I told her again that I had things under control, and she again ignored me.

She went outside momentarily, and I broke down in tears.  The whole thing was supposed to be my project, and her help meant that she had taken it over.  My dad came in the room and asked me what was wrong.  I told him.  When my mom came back in, he gently took her arm and told her that they needed to go.  (they had already planned to run errands during the meeting - which they needed to do anyway.)  She tried to say that it was too early.  He a bit more firmly said that they should leave at that moment, and they did.  I was able to get things set up the way I wanted them, and the meeting went smoothly.

I don't know what my dad said to her once they got in the car, but the subject never came up again.

This was back in 2009, and like I said, she has gotten MUCH better in the years since.  She was fantastic when it came to helping with my wedding - and backing off when need be.  It also didn't hurt that I put her in sole responsibility of things I didn't care about/have no knowledge in - such as flowers, centerpieces, church decorations, and favors - and let her go nuts.

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: RegionMom on March 05, 2014, 10:26:40 AM
sounds like Marie, in Everybody Loves Raymond, esp. the episode where the wife was throwing a party of some sort and had to leave early because she was SO frustrated!! with Marie's help.  She went to the car and took a nap, an then got arrested because she was "operating a motor vehicle under the influence."  (she had had a drink, and had the keys in the ignition to play the radio)

No current stories, unless you count a child's "helping" as you work, that then takes twice as long to do, and then you have to re-do it later.   ::)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Thipu1 on March 05, 2014, 10:30:41 AM
The library had a volunteer like that.  Whatever she was asked to do she had a 'better' way to do it.  Her better ways wound up making more work for everyone else. 

She constantly talked about the extensive library they had at home. Very nice, but what works in your home library isn't necessarily going to work here.  Because we were a very specialized library we had our own system for call numbers.  We did not use Dewey so don't tell me our numbering system is 'wrong'.  Our system worked because it suited the needs of researchers in our profession. 

This was back in the days of the card catalog and one of the tasks for volunteers was filing cards.  We always asked them to file above the bar so the cards could be checked for accurate filing before being dropped.  She consistently refused to do this and unfortunately, despite having several advanced degrees in literature, she couldn't alphabetize properly.

  A classic example was an article we'll call 'If the Johnson House Could Talk'.  Most rational people would have filed the title card under 'I'.  Not this one.  She filed it under 'J' for 'Johnson' and dropped the bar.  Her rationale was that you ignore 'the' when filing anything and 'if' was too small a word to count. Checking her work turned into an exercise resembling 'Where's Waldo'.  It was exasperating but entertaining because you had to figure out how her mind worked.   

My boss was reluctant to terminate her because 'We need volunteers.'.

The lady eventually left on her own because she didn't feel 'properly appreciated'.  Everyone,
including the other volunteers, breathed a sigh of relief.  They couldn't stand her either.

   
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on March 05, 2014, 10:48:11 AM
Oh yes.  My PIL live with us and sometimes I want to scream, "STOP HELPING!  BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT!"

Some of the 'helping' that goes on...

turns off preheating oven ("It was on!")

drained sink right after I filled it up with bleach water to clean it.   ("It was full!)  I thought at first FIL needed to use it and apologized, as it was late and I thought everyone was done needing the kitchen.  Nope.  It was just full of water and it shouldn't be.  The end.

When I cook, I like to use and reuse as many utensils as possible.  If I have to measure water, milk and beat an egg, I use the same measuring cup.  I use the same measuring spoons whenever possible.  I also like to use the mise en place method of cooking - I measure everything out and/or set it out before I cook so I know I have everything and to speed things along. 

I can't tell you how many times I'll turn around to use a utensil only to find it in the sink.  Or to grab the garlic and find it back in the cupboard.  See, MIL likes to 'help' when I cook by cleaning up the kitchen.  And if I say, "Oh, I'll take care of it!" then I'm not appreciative and thus the bad guy.   ::)  (And yes, I've tried explaining the method to my madness but she doesn't get why I'd go to all that trouble.)

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lynn2000 on March 05, 2014, 11:05:07 AM
My dad happily drives me and my mom around to go shopping, and will wait in the car when he doesn't want to come in. Which is super-nice of him. But when we're done he'll try to come pick us up, even when he's parked the car right there. Rather than let us cross the drive path to get to the parked car, he will back out, drive all the way around the lot, and pull up in front of us going the right way. Or in trying to maneuver the car so we don't step out into a puddle, or over a puddle trying to get back in, he will move the car back and around a few feet. While we're standing there hoping to get in, because it's cold or raining. I just want to scream, "STOP MOVING THE CAR!" I see the car, I want to get in the car, I don't want to hold up traffic, just put on the brake already. Oh Dad.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: StuffedGrapeLeaves on March 05, 2014, 11:17:47 AM
My MIL is notorious for this.  She will get an idea of how she can help and will not deviate, no matter how much we tell her we have it under control. 

Examples:

- When we were in the middle of moving, she insisted that the nail holes needed to be filled RIGHT THEN.  So she went out and bought putty and was filling in nail holes while we were trying to move everything else out.

- She bought us a new set of knives because of the one time that we had to wash a knife to use it.  We lived in a small apartment and had no room for another set of knives. 

- Baby was crying, and we were in the middle of soothing him.  She insisted on "helping" by banging pots and pans, which made the baby cry even more.

I can go on and on.  There's a reason we don't tell her anything and prefer to do everything ourselves without her "help."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: RegionMom on March 05, 2014, 11:31:04 AM
Ok, I could see how she could try to justify the other things, but banging pots and pans to calm a baby??!?  What??

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MyFamily on March 05, 2014, 11:36:46 AM
Ok, I could see how she could try to justify the other things, but banging pots and pans to calm a baby??!?  What??

Obviously, not the MIL in the above situation and I'd never do that, but I bet her thought process was along the lines of distracting the baby from their crying.  It is a theory I've heard, and even used, but never for a baby.  It works very well with my 4 year old - she'll be upset about something and not willing to be consoled, and as soon as I can distract her, she is fine.  Granted I do it by talking to my husband or one of the other kids about something that interests her and then ask a question that she'd know the answer to, and that does it.  I don't see how banging pots and pans will help a baby though.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 05, 2014, 11:51:32 AM
One that sticks out in my mind, and is of the helicopter parent variety. 

Second grade we were assigned a book report project, to make one of those shoebox dioramas where you look through a hole in one end to see a scene from the book. I'd read Linea in Monet's Garden and decided to use the scene depicted on the cover for my project.  I did it mostly myself...at first, drawing it as well as a second grader would be expected to do, I think, but my dad decided it was not good enough.

So basically he did it all and I think my only contribution was to color in the picture of Linnea that he drew before she was put on the little bridge he'd made over the cellophane water with the lily pads he'd drawn.  You get the idea.

Granted the project got an "A" but as it was glaringly obvious it was NOT the work of an 8 year old, my classmates accused me of cheating and told me I didn't deserve the "A" since I didn't do any of the work. Thankfully my lovely teacher understood and comforted me as I sobbed with frustration when my classmates refused to listen to me or believe me when I tried to say my dad insisted on doing it and didn't really give me a choice in the matter.

I don't remember him helping with future assignments, or at least not taking over in the same way, so I guess someone spoke to him about it.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: siamesecat2965 on March 05, 2014, 11:59:43 AM
I forgot about my mom and cooking.  She is an admitted not-great cook, beacuse she has no interest in it, so puts as little effort into it as she can. Which is fine, she lives alone, no biggie. She can however, if she wants to or needs to.  But when I'm visiting, I normally do most of the cooking, and I admit to being a bit controlling when in the kitchen, and have been known to take over when people aren't doing things the way I think they should be done. I'm working on that :)

My mom will: turn the heat down on something if she thinks its up too high, regardless of whether or not it should be up and regardless of me watching it! It drives me nuts, since I'll turn it up, to bring something to a boil, and go get something, and come back, thinking whatever should have happened has, only to find, its on low, and barely warm. GRRR.

She also has a terrible sense of timing. One year at Thanksgiving, we had barely put the turkey breast IN the oven, when she was making noises about starting to boil the mashed potatoes. um no, too early, let it go and I'll start them when it gets closer to being done, as if you do them NOW, they won't be warm when dinner is ready. I know you can keep them warm, but I don't want to do that; i want to time my cooking.  She was also ready to put the rolls in the oven to warm, where they'd be hard and dry by the time the turkey was done.

She will also "get underfoot" when I'm trying to cook, or clean up, and I've finally had to tell her back off, and I'll let you know when things are ready.  I love my mom, and we get along well, but our cooking styles just don't mesh. and I find myself tripping over her a lot too!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cattlekid on March 05, 2014, 12:17:07 PM
My SIL was "helping" by weeding my front flower bed while visiting with DH while I was away from home. 

She pulled up all of the newly-planted periwinkle that my mother and aunt planted earlier that spring. 

If you don't know a plant from a weed, stay out of someone else's flowerbeds!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 05, 2014, 12:23:58 PM
I suspect a neighbor uprooted my lilies I'd planted in my front bed.  When she and her partner moved in about 2 years or so ago, she said she liked to garden and offered to help weed our front bed.  Since I don't really enjoy weeding, I said "Oh sure, go ahead" thinking that if she liked to garden she'd recognize weeds from flowers.  Ah, apparently not so well.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lynn2000 on March 05, 2014, 01:02:37 PM
My friend got a gift of tulip bulbs in a cute container. When they stopped blooming, her sister "helped" her by completely emptying out the container and washing it, and tossing the dirt and bulbs in the garbage. She didn't realize you could keep them and they would bloom again next year.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on March 05, 2014, 01:15:12 PM
This was me.

I still feel terrible.

We went to DD's college dorm to install a bookcase thingie. Her room was a mess. I was trying to tidy up carefully (toss the empty paper bags, put stuff int he drawer that it seemed to go in).

I unknotted a kerchief and flattened it out to put it in a drawer. And forgot that it was one of those "as long as this stays knotted, you'll one day return."

A big learning lesson for me.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: SamiHami on March 05, 2014, 01:20:11 PM
My mom, truly with only good intentions, sometimes forgets that not everyone thinks exactly the way she does. So, let's say we have a family get together. My brother and I kid around a lot. We always have. I'm almost 50 and he's a little older, so we are pretty comfortable with how we communicate with each other. But, Mom will hear us kidding around and will stew on one little comment and will twist it up in her head until she is convinced that one of us has gravely and irreparably insulted the other. Sohe'll go to the "perpetrator" and say something like, "You know, you really hurt your brother terribly with that comment you made etc." And will go on about how damaging it was...I used to take it seriously. I'd call my DB and apologize and he'd laugh and wonder what the heck I was talking about. And it would happen to him and other members of the family. We finally realized that as she's gotten older she's just gotten these idea and thinks she's being helpful. We have called her on it a few times and she is better about it. Now I know to ask, "Did DB actually tell you he was hurt by X comment?" And if her answer is "No, but I could tell" then I just tell her that if he is bothered by something he will let me know himself.

Also, it's better now, but for years my DH didn't understand that sometimes I just want to vent. If I've had a bad day at work or rotten traffic or whatever, he would insist on giving me advice on how to "fix" it. He's finally learned that I'm not looking for him to fix anything; I'm just sharing my day and trying to let off a little steam. It took time and a lot of me turning the tables on him before he got the point. But he did eventually get the point. It's not help if help is not wanted!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Klein Bottle on March 05, 2014, 01:23:37 PM
My ex would try to "help" me do housework, but what drove me bonkers is that he would never go off and do his own thing.  Oh no, he always had to be working alongside me, doing whatever it was *I* was doing, which is a hindrance to me,not a help.  Also, he would seldom do the useful things I asked him to do, such as helping me clean the cat boxes, clear out the utility room, declutter.  Oh, no!  He would insist upon starting some esoteric project that was #527 on the priority list.
 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Coralreef on March 05, 2014, 01:41:15 PM
The EX would "help" me paint by removing the baseboards and door/window trims, so they could be painted outside.  And he would not put them back, because... he didn't have time to and didn't want me to do it because it was too complicated  ??? .

Gardening was a nightmare I prefer to forget.  Who on earth measures the hole for the tulip bulb to the exact centimetre?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 05, 2014, 02:22:48 PM
My MIL.  Just . . . yeah.  Can I declare her the patron saint of this thread?

I mean, it's one thing to say "Stop doing [insert rude thing here]."  It's annoying to have to say it, but everyone understands.  It's much harder finding a way to say "Stop doing this nice thing - well, it WOULD be nice from anyone else, but the way you do it is making more work for me and driving me nuts and teaching my kids bad habits.  But I can't say any of that to your face, so just stop it, please?"
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: hermanne on March 05, 2014, 02:30:30 PM

Also, it's better now, but for years my DH didn't understand that sometimes I just want to vent. If I've had a bad day at work or rotten traffic or whatever, he would insist on giving me advice on how to "fix" it. He's finally learned that I'm not looking for him to fix anything; I'm just sharing my day and trying to let off a little steam. It took time and a lot of me turning the tables on him before he got the point. But he did eventually get the point. It's not help if help is not wanted!

Yikes, sound like my DH! He's getting better, now, too.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: SamiHami on March 05, 2014, 02:57:50 PM
My ex would try to "help" I did housework, but what drove me bonkers is that he would never go off and do his own thing.  Oh no, he always had to be working alongside me, doing whatever it was *I* was doing, which is a hindrance to me,not a help.  Also, he would seldom do the useful things I asked him to do, such as helping me clean the cat boxes, clear out the utility room, declutter.  Oh, no!  He would insist upon starting some esoteric project that was #527 on the priority list.

Hey! That's my husband! If I ask him to, say, take out the trash you can bet he's going to empty the dishwasher. If I ask him to strip the bed, you can bet he's going to straighten the living room. Or go in the garage to search for the one tool he needs to finish a project he started six months ago but just *has* to be done now all of a sudden.

And if I ask him to declutter? He'll point out a lot of my stuff that he thinks can go, but if I point out the 1983 paper airplane calendar that he has never, ever done anything with well---no, he might want to fool around with that someday so it's valuable. Or his ancient DOS books from the early 1990's. The he hasn't looked at since the early 1990's. Oh, and when he was 18 he worked for one day as a dishwasher in a restaurant. It didn't work out, but he still has the shirt they gave him with their logo on it. He's almost 56. I've known him 28 years and he has never worn it once, nor could he. He's not the skinny kid he was way back then and even if he could, why would he want to? But no, that can't go. He might want it someday, you know.

Don't. Just don't get me started. *sigh*
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: hermanne on March 05, 2014, 03:27:14 PM
MIL likes to help organize. Half the time, it's good. The other half, the thing I need is all the way in the back of the cupboard, and I always end up with a small avalanche of the things in front because of the way they're stacked. :-\

She means,well, and I appreciate the help, but I'm always cringing a little because I'm never quite sure how "helpful" it'll be!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: CrazyDaffodilLady on March 05, 2014, 03:41:04 PM
I was planting some bulbs when my neighbor's adorable little cat Boo came to watch.  I got up and went to the garage for another bag of soil.  When I returned, I found that Boo had dug up every one of the bulbs and was sitting there looking extremely pleased with his work.

I didn't thank Boo for his "help", but I made a fuss over him cuz he's just so darned cute.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Miss Misery on March 05, 2014, 03:56:14 PM
People think they're being oh-so-helpful by offering me "suggestions" of who I should draw next on DeviantArt. It finally got to the point where I had to wallpaper my profile page with 'I DO NOT DO REQUESTS' stamps and a less-than-subtle paragraph explaining I'm perfectly capable if deciding for myself what I want to draw, thank you very much.

If you want a drawing of Ozzy Osbourne/Kurt Cobain/Jim Morrison so bad, then draw it yourself. Oh, you can't draw? Too bad. Life just sucks that way.  :P

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cabbageweevil on March 05, 2014, 04:14:42 PM
A small thing; but it seems to happen to me surprisingly often, and with quite a varied assortment of people.  It annoys me disproportionately, and at the same time has me wondering if this is an aspect of life in which in fact I am weird and out-of-synch with everyone else.

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment.  So often, some well-meaning twit who I happen to be with, will tell me about my non-fastened footwear. This always irritates me, and makes me want to yell at them in highly non-eHell-approved fashion: "Live your own ******* life, and pay me the ******* compliment of acting as if you thought I was competent and intelligent enough, to ******* manage my life in a way that works for me !"
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lynn2000 on March 05, 2014, 04:53:19 PM
A small thing; but it seems to happen to me surprisingly often, and with quite a varied assortment of people.  It annoys me disproportionately, and at the same time has me wondering if this is an aspect of life in which in fact I am weird and out-of-synch with everyone else.

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment.  So often, some well-meaning twit who I happen to be with, will tell me about my non-fastened footwear. This always irritates me, and makes me want to yell at them in highly non-eHell-approved fashion: "Live your own ******* life, and pay me the ******* compliment of acting as if you thought I was competent and intelligent enough, to ******* manage my life in a way that works for me !"

Well, it sounds a little weird to me. ;) Having seen people stumble, trip, or lose a shoe/sandal because it was untied or unfastened, I would mention it to you trying to be, well, helpful as the thread subject suggests. If I knew you, and you told me that you just preferred to leave your shoes that way, I would try to remember that, and not mention it again. :)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on March 05, 2014, 04:59:21 PM
I wonder if people are just anxious bcs they don't want to be the ones to watch you trip.

I think it bugs you SO much bcs it's sort of infantilizing, and it makes you feel admonished or scolded. Our mothers tell us how to dress; and they're not your mom.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 05, 2014, 05:03:29 PM
I have a very dear friend who sometimes tries to help me fix a problem but I don't always need her too.  DH has told me sometimes I am not terribly clear as to when I'm venting and when I'm not so I guess I do need to work on that.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: kategillian on March 05, 2014, 05:10:27 PM
A small thing; but it seems to happen to me surprisingly often, and with quite a varied assortment of people.  It annoys me disproportionately, and at the same time has me wondering if this is an aspect of life in which in fact I am weird and out-of-synch with everyone else.

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment.  So often, some well-meaning twit who I happen to be with, will tell me about my non-fastened footwear. This always irritates me, and makes me want to yell at them in highly non-eHell-approved fashion: "Live your own ******* life, and pay me the ******* compliment of acting as if you thought I was competent and intelligent enough, to ******* manage my life in a way that works for me !"

Well I guess I would be a well meaning twit then. Of course I point out to people that their shoes are untied. It's a safety issue sometimes ( also, you may not be the one to step on them and trip you up). I'd rather be considered a'twit' than have to pick you up off the sidewalk.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Tea Drinker on March 05, 2014, 05:33:56 PM
A small thing; but it seems to happen to me surprisingly often, and with quite a varied assortment of people.  It annoys me disproportionately, and at the same time has me wondering if this is an aspect of life in which in fact I am weird and out-of-synch with everyone else.

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment.  So often, some well-meaning twit who I happen to be with, will tell me about my non-fastened footwear. This always irritates me, and makes me want to yell at them in highly non-eHell-approved fashion: "Live your own ******* life, and pay me the ******* compliment of acting as if you thought I was competent and intelligent enough, to ******* manage my life in a way that works for me !"

I have occasionally told someone "excuse me, your laces are untied," but more often I'm the one being told her laces are untied, and my response is to thank the person and tie my shoes. In my case, it's not because I made a decision to leave them untied: it's because I tied them carelessly, or stepped on them wrong, and they came undone without my noticing. If I told you your shoes were untied and you said "thanks, I know" I wouldn't try to convince you that you should tie your shoes. And if I knew someone made a habit of leaving them loose, I'd figure that was their business.

So, yes, I think you're out of sync with a lot of people. there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but it does often mean having to tell people about the difference: it's like explaining that you haven't been following the local sports team, which you need to say because the last twelve people that your random acquaintance mentioned the game were fans.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: GreenHall on March 05, 2014, 06:39:55 PM
A small thing; but it seems to happen to me surprisingly often, and with quite a varied assortment of people.  It annoys me disproportionately, and at the same time has me wondering if this is an aspect of life in which in fact I am weird and out-of-synch with everyone else.

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment.  So often, some well-meaning twit who I happen to be with, will tell me about my non-fastened footwear. This always irritates me, and makes me want to yell at them in highly non-eHell-approved fashion: "Live your own ******* life, and pay me the ******* compliment of acting as if you thought I was competent and intelligent enough, to ******* manage my life in a way that works for me !"

Well I guess I would be a well meaning twit then. Of course I point out to people that their shoes are untied. It's a safety issue sometimes ( also, you may not be the one to step on them and trip you up). I'd rather be considered a'twit' than have to pick you up off the sidewalk.
I've let my coworker know, when we are walking to another location, I will mention once when I notice his shoes are untied.  After that its his problem to deal with, or not.  I do reserve the right to giggle if he trips himself after I tell him about the issue.  It would depend on how bad it looked if the giggle, or the "Are you okay" came first.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: alkira6 on March 05, 2014, 07:45:17 PM
I just recently ran into this with my husband. I was cleaning out my closet and separating the clothes - good, going to keep, torn/stained/unwearable but still in the closet for some reason, trash, pretty good condition but not my style/too small/too big/never going to wear again, donate.

I had my piles going and went to use the bathroom. When I came back he had folded or hung up everything.  He chose to do this after me telling him what I was doing and him refusing to hang up the two baskets of clothes sitting right behind  him. Stop "Helping"!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Thipu1 on March 05, 2014, 09:00:39 PM
Here's a family 'Blast From the Past'. 

Many years ago, MIL visited her daughter's family.  The family included three teenagers and MIL stayed at their home.  One day, when the parents were at work, the children were in school and the weather was bad,  MIL was bored and it was her nature to 'help'.

She decided it would be a good and loving thing to neaten up her 16 year-old grand daughter's dresser drawers. (Can you hear the opening notes of 'Duelling Banjos'?)

This was  back in the days when 'Flashdance' was popular.  Grand daughter had used some of her baby-sitting money to purchase several stylish shirts with the collars and the long sleeves removed. They looked a little shaggy in the fashion of the time but they were clean and carefully folded in the drawer.  Regardless,  MIL decided that it was shameful for the girl to wear these horrible things. 

To MIL, they looked like rags and that's what they became as soon as she saw them. 

You can imagine what hit the fan when the family came home and found the shirts cut up and in the rag bag. 

MIL was never allowed to be alone in her daughter's home again.     
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: EveLGenius on March 05, 2014, 09:12:10 PM
My riding instructor told us this story last summer.

She was at a high-level horse show with one of her students and just one horse.  This horse is completely awesome, but rather high-strung.  Instructor has been using natural horsemanship methods (think Clinton Anderson and Buck Brannaman, if you're a horseperson) for the last year or so on all of the horses in the barn, which is very unusual, since it's a hunter-jumper barn.  So we can all understand how the observers wouldn't know what she was doing.

At the show, the horse got emotionally overwhelmed.  He was jumping, bouncing, snorting, and generally kicking up a fuss.  He's fairly young, and this was the first show of the season, so Instructor and Student decided not to push him.  Student took off his saddle and bridle, and Instructor worked with him on the natural horsemanship methods until he calmed down a bit and turned his brain back on.

They let him relax and eat grass for a while, and then went to put him on the trailer.  He refused to go on the trailer, and started bouncing around again, which was not unexpected.

In the horse world, most people are willing to help with a fussy horse, because we've all been there.  However, many people believe you must force a horse onto a trailer either by hitting him until he goes on, or by putting a rope behind him and physically placing him on the trailer.  Instructor politely refused all offers of help, and just started letting the horse figure out what was wanted.  When he calmly walked forward towards the trailer, she let him stand and relax, but as soon as he moved away from the trailer, he must trot or canter in circles.  He figured out fairly quickly that he got to rest when he moved towards the trailer, and began to willingly put his front feet in the trailer.  However, he was still nervous, so he still backed out instead of going all the way in.

About the third time he put his front feet in the trailer and stopped there, someone who had been watching (who had no connection with either Student or Instructor), lashed the horse with a whip.  The horse of course panicked, thinking "I KNEW it!  There IS something horrible in the trailer, and it just grabbed me!"

Instructor told the guy exactly what she thought of him, and it took another hour to get the poor horse in the trailer.

(Horse is fine, and after a summer of training jumps like a dream and loads in the trailer beautifully.)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: PastryGoddess on March 05, 2014, 10:04:13 PM
*groans*  Where is the WALL
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 05, 2014, 10:12:02 PM
I'm no equestrian so I'm not familiar with the method but it does seem a lot better than using a whip!  Not to mention a good deal more humane. 

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: doodlemor on March 05, 2014, 10:19:46 PM
My riding instructor told us this story last summer.

She was at a high-level horse show with one of her students and just one horse.  This horse is completely awesome, but rather high-strung.  Instructor has been using natural horsemanship methods (think Clinton Anderson and Buck Brannaman, if you're a horseperson) for the last year or so on all of the horses in the barn, which is very unusual, since it's a hunter-jumper barn.  So we can all understand how the observers wouldn't know what she was doing.

At the show, the horse got emotionally overwhelmed.  He was jumping, bouncing, snorting, and generally kicking up a fuss.  He's fairly young, and this was the first show of the season, so Instructor and Student decided not to push him.  Student took off his saddle and bridle, and Instructor worked with him on the natural horsemanship methods until he calmed down a bit and turned his brain back on.

They let him relax and eat grass for a while, and then went to put him on the trailer.  He refused to go on the trailer, and started bouncing around again, which was not unexpected.

In the horse world, most people are willing to help with a fussy horse, because we've all been there.  However, many people believe you must force a horse onto a trailer either by hitting him until he goes on, or by putting a rope behind him and physically placing him on the trailer.  Instructor politely refused all offers of help, and just started letting the horse figure out what was wanted.  When he calmly walked forward towards the trailer, she let him stand and relax, but as soon as he moved away from the trailer, he must trot or canter in circles.  He figured out fairly quickly that he got to rest when he moved towards the trailer, and began to willingly put his front feet in the trailer.  However, he was still nervous, so he still backed out instead of going all the way in.

About the third time he put his front feet in the trailer and stopped there, someone who had been watching (who had no connection with either Student or Instructor), lashed the horse with a whip.  The horse of course panicked, thinking "I KNEW it!  There IS something horrible in the trailer, and it just grabbed me!"

Instructor told the guy exactly what she thought of him, and it took another hour to get the poor horse in the trailer.

(Horse is fine, and after a summer of training jumps like a dream and loads in the trailer beautifully.)

If someone hit an animal of mine with a whip, I'd end up in the slammer for assault.  My blood boils just thinking of such cruelty.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: NyaChan on March 06, 2014, 01:16:03 AM
Ok I'm personally of the mind that you shouldn't whip horses in general - but who the heck thinks it is okay to whip someone else's horse? grrrr  That is so messed up!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Nikko-chan on March 06, 2014, 02:18:14 AM
Also, you realize when you post a story mentioning any animals corresponding pictures of that animal need to go in the Cuteliness Beyond Belief folder right?  ;D ;)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cicero on March 06, 2014, 02:43:40 AM
one of my colleagues (higher ranking, but this is a very small staff and we all get along very well). I am the office admin among other things. so i collect the mail daily (or so). sometimes i dump it on my desk and do other tasks before i sort it. no biggie. so if he happens to be in the room, he'll start going through the pile and saying "oh, this isn't for us.... oh, this is for my department... oh this needs to go to so and so". yeah, i've kind of been doing it for the past five years and oh, i don't know, learning how to read and comprehend was sort of prerequisite to my going to college and getting jobs and yeah, i know that so and so works in a different department and oh! did i mention i do this every morning?

It's cool, though, i just joke about it and actually say some of the above to him, but my former roommate used to really get angry

 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cabbageweevil on March 06, 2014, 03:42:06 AM
I think it bugs you SO much bcs it's sort of infantilizing, and it makes you feel admonished or scolded. Our mothers tell us how to dress; and they're not your mom.

Thanks to all, for comments -- I have to concur that this footwear matter does involve a bit of an unusual thing that I do; and that I over-react to people's "informing" me of it, done with the best of intentions.  Toots, you've summed it up perfectly: I'm not their offspring, nor they my mother ! (I hope that on the surface of things, I always respond politely when this interaction happens; and that the would-be helper isn't aware that I'm seething inwardly.)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: poundcake on March 06, 2014, 04:52:49 AM
Reading this thread is giving me a tension headache, because it is SO MUCH MY MOTHER. Mom is extra helpful. She lives for helping people. And sometimes, I just want to figure something out myself. Usually, I already know what I'm doing. And often I just want to do it the way I'm doing it already.

She's the type who, when I was young and lived at home, used to "help" by cleaning out my desk drawers. I'd get home, and she'd "accidentally" read part of my diary, had thrown out some "trash" (things I was saving), or wanted to know why I was writing such-and-such stories or poems. It took me ages to get that to stop, even just "straightening up" the books on my desk, which she "helpfully" arranged by height, but which I had organized by genre. Yes, that half-folded piece of paper sticking out of a book was actually there for a reason, both marking a place, and containing my notes for that thing, and you're pulling it out and throwing it away because "it was just a piece of paper" is infuriating!

I've lived on my own/with my spouse for over twenty years, and she still comes over and "helps." If she visits, it's usually an overnight, and she's an early riser. So even if I get up at 7:30, she's already "helped" by doing a load of laundry (you did WHAT to my delicates/DCOs?!), cleaning and organizing the kitchen (don't get me started), cleaning out the fridge/freezer (yeah, that "old stale bread" you threw away was for bread sauce and stuffing, the "weird bag" was the stock that took me all day and three poultry carcasses to make)-

And then she sulks because "I don't need her" and "It's what moms do!" because she "was just trying to help!"  :-[
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: guihong on March 06, 2014, 05:27:33 AM
My ex would try to "help" I did housework, but what drove me bonkers is that he would never go off and do his own thing.  Oh no, he always had to be working alongside me, doing whatever it was *I* was doing, which is a hindrance to me,not a help.  Also, he would seldom do the useful things I asked him to do, such as helping me clean the cat boxes, clear out the utility room, declutter.  Oh, no!  He would insist upon starting some esoteric project that was #527 on the priority list.

Hey! That's my husband! If I ask him to, say, take out the trash you can bet he's going to empty the dishwasher. If I ask him to strip the bed, you can bet he's going to straighten the living room. Or go in the garage to search for the one tool he needs to finish a project he started six months ago but just *has* to be done now all of a sudden.

And if I ask him to declutter? He'll point out a lot of my stuff that he thinks can go, but if I point out the 1983 paper airplane calendar that he has never, ever done anything with well---no, he might want to fool around with that someday so it's valuable. Or his ancient DOS books from the early 1990's. The he hasn't looked at since the early 1990's. Oh, and when he was 18 he worked for one day as a dishwasher in a restaurant. It didn't work out, but he still has the shirt they gave him with their logo on it. He's almost 56. I've known him 28 years and he has never worn it once, nor could he. He's not the skinny kid he was way back then and even if he could, why would he want to? But no, that can't go. He might want it someday, you know.

Don't. Just don't get me started. *sigh*

Proof again that we're all just passing around the same husband.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 06, 2014, 06:08:13 AM
My middle child, often in the attempt to help keep his younger brother quiet during service, usually leads to the 2 year old making MORE noise.  On Sunday the woman sitting in front of us let littlest pirate use one of her children's mini magnadoodles since they weren't using it. 

Pirateboy2 took the stylus and was trying to show the little guy how to draw a circle only to cause him to say "MIIIINE!" when before he'd been quietly doodling and watching it disappear.   

Not really PB2's fault as he is trying to help, but he does seem to forget that 2 year olds don't quite see the world the same way as an 11 yo and their rules of possession are a bit different.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: littlelauraj on March 06, 2014, 06:47:26 AM
My MIL is truly the sweetest woman on earth, but very nervous and always wants to help way too much.  She really can't see her own personal worth unless she is doing something for us.  This leads to visits full of housework that no one asked her to do.  Sometimes it's okay and I try to roll with it.  Sometimes it backfires. 

Several years ago I had to go out of town so she came to stay with the kids.  Of course she took care of things like laundry while DH was at work.  Unfortunately, she picked up my dirty shirt from off of the floor, next to the bed.  Seems like a normal enough thing to do, but what she didn't know was that my dog, who was still a puppy, slept every night on my shirt.  It calmed him greatly.  He didn't really sleep well for the rest of the week. 

Another habit of hers, for years, was to always do my dishes.  Again, not too big of a deal, but she would always put things away in the weirdest spots.  And then she would chirp about how I was going to have a devil of a time finding things once she was gone!  And every time I would ask her to just stop putting things away, then.  She just couldn't help herself. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Fi on March 06, 2014, 07:31:00 AM
The woman who grabbed my cane-holding arm to stop me as I was stepping down off a pavement to cross the road.

I couldn't even say anything, I was so taken aback, but apparently I looked like murder.

The lights had just changed in my favour, I knew that crossing well (she couldn't have known that), but grabbing someone mid-step manoeuvre? Could have caused me to fall while I was already injured. Also, who comes up behind a complete stranger and decides to intervene by grabbing their walking aid?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: LadyClaire on March 06, 2014, 07:47:58 AM
The woman who grabbed my cane-holding arm to stop me as I was stepping down off a pavement to cross the road.

I couldn't even say anything, I was so taken aback, but apparently I looked like murder.

The lights had just changed in my favour, I knew that crossing well (she couldn't have known that), but grabbing someone mid-step manoeuvre? Could have caused me to fall while I was already injured. Also, who comes up behind a complete stranger and decides to intervene by grabbing their walking aid?

My mom is 60, and has mobility issues. She often has to lean on things to help her balance. One day she was getting some yogurt at the grocery store, and was holding onto the handle of the door to the refrigerated case to help keep her balance while she was bending down. A man came up behind her and grabbed the door and pulled it open wider, thinking he was being helpful by holding open the door for her. Mom ended up falling and hurting herself because suddenly having the door yanked out of her grasp tipped her off-balance.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on March 06, 2014, 09:27:34 AM
Ok I'm personally of the mind that you shouldn't whip horses in general - but who the heck thinks it is okay to whip someone else's horse? grrrr  That is so messed up!

Yeah, the "someone else's" is arrogant beyond words!

... Also, he would seldom do the useful things I asked him to do, such as helping me clean the cat boxes, clear out the utility room, declutter.  Oh, no!  He would insist upon starting some esoteric project that was #527 on the priority list.

...

And if I ask him to declutter? He'll point out a lot of my stuff that he thinks can go, but if I point out the 1983 paper airplane calendar that he has never, ever done anything with well---no, he might want to fool around with that someday so it's valuable. Or his ancient DOS books from the early 1990's. The he hasn't looked at since the early 1990's. Oh, and when he was 18 he worked for one day as a dishwasher in a restaurant. It didn't work out, but he still has the shirt they gave him with their logo on it. He's almost 56. I've known him 28 years and he has never worn it once, nor could he. He's not the skinny kid he was way back then and even if he could, why would he want to? But no, that can't go. He might want it someday, you know.

Don't. Just don't get me started. *sigh*

Proof again that we're all just passing around the same husband.

My husband doesn't do the "do other projects"--well, maybe not so badly.

But boy, does he go the "speck in your eye" thing when I ask him to declutter. He's suddenly picking up stuff of mine off the shelf and saying, "We don't need this!" Meanwhile, it's a small cutting board I just used 3 days ago and use about 10 times a year. And is flat and doesn't take up any room.
   But his LPs that he *never* listens to? He doesn't even see them.
   Makes me especially annoyed bcs *I* -do- weed out my own things.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: AmethystAnne on March 06, 2014, 10:05:08 AM
One hot but nice July day, DH and I hosted a family picnic. I had things prepared and placed on the kitchen table, buffet style.

MIL suggested to DH that things looked ready to take outside onto the picnic tables, and unbeknownst to me, they each took a bowl of mayonnaise-based salad out to the picnic table, and then came inside to get a couple more things.

I happened to see DH with a bowl in his hand:
Me: What are you doing?
DH: Mom and I are taking things outside.
Me: I wish you had asked me. It's too hot out there. I wanted the food left in the house where it's cooler. Everyone will be dishing up in here.
DH: Oh

I was mad. And walked outside to retrieve what had been taken outside. I think I might have had help bringing things back in. I don't remember. All I remember was once again no one (MIL)asked me what I wanted, but went ahead and did what she decided what was best.

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: doodlemor on March 06, 2014, 11:29:20 AM
AmethystAnne's story reminds me of an episode with my mother and stepfather.  We lived in a small house at the time, with a tiny kitchen, and they had come to dinner.  After dinner mom and stepdad started carrying plates and serving dishes back into the kitchen.  I told them to please not do this, that there was no room in the kitchen for everything at once, and that the table had to be cleared gradually as I loaded the dishwasher.  They knew best however, and kept carrying and piling things into a humungous mess in the kitchen.  So.......I started racing past them carrying the mess back to the dining room.  After several passes they noticed what I was doing, got angry, and stopped so that I could do the dishes according to my own system in peace.

There was a casualty, however.  In their misguided zeal to help, one of them put a plate of half eaten food on a burner of the electric stove, which had accidentally been left on low.  When my mother noticed the food burning on the plate she grabbed it, put it into the sink, and ran cold water on it hoping to hide the burned food before I saw it.  The water was considerably colder than the plate, however, and it cracked.  If she had just left it to cool normally it may have been ok, because the plate was ovenproof.

This was a plate from my "good" dishes, and mom did feel badly that it was ruined.  I don't think that she ever realized that she was the person who likely broke it - she blamed my stepfather for putting it on the stove.  She did, however, buy a replacement.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on March 06, 2014, 11:32:21 AM
\After dinner mom and stepdad started carrying plates and serving dishes back into the kitchen.  I told them to please not do this, that there was no room in the kitchen for everything at once, and that the table had to be cleared gradually as I loaded the dishwasher.  They knew best however, and kept carrying and piling things into a humungous mess in the kitchen.  So.......I started racing past them carrying the mess back to the dining room. \

I've been there!
People were stacking the dishes on top of one another, w/ food and silverware on them, and I was certain the dishes were going to slide right off the stack. I now get really assertive about, "I will clear the table, and if I need help, I will ask."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Bethalize on March 06, 2014, 11:36:53 AM
DH was terrible at "helping". If we had people coming over he would want to do things on his own schedule. I'd rather have them done first, then you have contingency time. If you don't need the contingency time you can use it to relax. Also he would do things that HE thought needed doing that weren't that important IMHO. Then I tried explaining everything that needed doing before guests arrived so he knew what was on the agenda and could pick and choose what he wanted to do. DH then turned around and accused me of micromanaging. He doesn't often criticise but it's even rarer that I push back. I actually raised my voice when pointing out he had put me in a no-win situation. He's properly supportive now, and has stopped "tidying up" by taking everything from downstairs and putting it in piles upstairs. That's not "tidying" that's moving things from one room to another.

I go clay pigeon shooting. There's always a man who likes to say "You were behind that." Yeah, if you say so. Now go away. The world ladies' champion says that men do it to her too, and she can outshoot them all.

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on March 06, 2014, 12:24:57 PM
The woman who grabbed my cane-holding arm to stop me as I was stepping down off a pavement to cross the road.

I couldn't even say anything, I was so taken aback, but apparently I looked like murder.

The lights had just changed in my favour, I knew that crossing well (she couldn't have known that), but grabbing someone mid-step manoeuvre? Could have caused me to fall while I was already injured. Also, who comes up behind a complete stranger and decides to intervene by grabbing their walking aid?

 :o

This reminds me of the time my MIL nearly made me fall off our boat.  She's the sort that will grab you if she thinks you're going to fall down or if she has to brake suddenly, you get the forearm across the chest.  Dh and I have both asked her to please stop doing that but 'she can't help herself.'


We were coming in after a day out with the ILs and I was scampering about the outer hull area getting the ropes ready.  Another boat came by moving much too fast and threw a largeish wake.  I saw it coming and braced myself.  All of a sudden, a hand wrapped itself around my ankle and pulled hard.  It was all I could do to keep my balance.  I looked down and my MIL was there and said, "Thank goodness I was there, you almost fell!"

 >:(

Dh told her to please not do that again and if I should feel like I'm going to fall, I can push myself away from the boat.  If I'd have fallen with her hand around my ankle like that, I'd probably fall backward and down, crack my head open on the hull and fall under the boat, which would be a BIG PROBLEM if the props are still going.  I still get the forearm across the chest occasionally but she's never since done that while I'm on the boat. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 06, 2014, 12:52:00 PM
I don't know if it could be called "helping" so much, but there was a time DH and I lived with my folks when he got out of the Marines. It was only about 2 months but man it sure felt longer.

Being toddlers at the time, my older two boys were in the "I don't want to nap/go down for the night even if I'm exhausted" stage.  And my folks would always swoop in with a "But they don't have to go anywhere tomorrow right? So why not let them stay up till they're tired? Why do you have to be so anal about a bedtime?" Well not using the word anal but implying it.  Cause it's the routine they'd had for the last 18 months and 3 years respectively and the more the parents swooped in, the less the boys would listen to DH and I.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Baby Snakes on March 06, 2014, 01:15:48 PM
My ex would try to "help" I did housework, but what drove me bonkers is that he would never go off and do his own thing.  Oh no, he always had to be working alongside me, doing whatever it was *I* was doing, which is a hindrance to me,not a help.  Also, he would seldom do the useful things I asked him to do, such as helping me clean the cat boxes, clear out the utility room, declutter.  Oh, no!  He would insist upon starting some esoteric project that was #527 on the priority list.

Hey! That's my husband! If I ask him to, say, take out the trash you can bet he's going to empty the dishwasher. If I ask him to strip the bed, you can bet he's going to straighten the living room. Or go in the garage to search for the one tool he needs to finish a project he started six months ago but just *has* to be done now all of a sudden.

And if I ask him to declutter? He'll point out a lot of my stuff that he thinks can go, but if I point out the 1983 paper airplane calendar that he has never, ever done anything with well---no, he might want to fool around with that someday so it's valuable. Or his ancient DOS books from the early 1990's. The he hasn't looked at since the early 1990's. Oh, and when he was 18 he worked for one day as a dishwasher in a restaurant. It didn't work out, but he still has the shirt they gave him with their logo on it. He's almost 56. I've known him 28 years and he has never worn it once, nor could he. He's not the skinny kid he was way back then and even if he could, why would he want to? But no, that can't go. He might want it someday, you know.

Don't. Just don't get me started. *sigh*

Proof again that we're all just passing around the same husband.

Oh so you know my husband then?  Whenever I ask him to help me with something around the house, he disappears.  Where is he?  Washing the cars.  Did I ask you to wash the cars?  Why do you hear "wash the cars" when I asked you to please unload the dryer?  I say housework, he hears car.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: rose red on March 06, 2014, 01:47:21 PM
Growing up, my family lived in this drafty old place that needed the windows and entire patio covered in those plastic sheets or the cold and snow will come in.  My siblings and I prefer to do it ourselves, but my mom always think we are incompetent and have to get involved.  Her idea of help is putting up the plastic in a way that results in needing to take it down and put it back up over and over (it's hard to explain her method), all the while screaming at us.  It took all day when it should be an hour or two.  Of course, she also never listen to us on how it should be done so we were stuck with her way of doing things.  We hated that time of the year and still talk about it with horror decades later.  Eventually, we learned to sneakily do the job when she's out of the house and it was so relaxing and peaceful and easy without her dictating and screaming.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: alkira6 on March 06, 2014, 01:58:02 PM
What kills me is when I hand my husband something with directions to put it away and I turn around and IT'SRIGHT BACK ON THE TABLE I'M TRYING TO CLEAN!  In what world is putting something back in the exact same space putting something away?  That is not helping. and then I get the PA looks and comments about being too OCD for help.  No, actually help, don't get in the way and double my workload.

It works much better now that we use a list of the major things to do separate tasks.  Everything else is done in drunken worker bee fashion, with him trailing behind me "helping" and me quietly going on to another task until he abandons it and comes to help me again.  enough rounds of this and things eventually get finished.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on March 06, 2014, 02:43:41 PM
What kills me is when I hand my husband something with directions to put it away and I turn around and IT'SRIGHT BACK ON THE TABLE I'M TRYING TO CLEAN!  In what world is putting something back in the exact same space putting something away?  That is not helping. and then I get the PA looks and comments about being too OCD for help.  No, actually help, don't get in the way and double my workload.


My mother used to say, "Put it away away!" And now I say it.

I've had to get lengthy: "I want this piece of paper to be completely taken care of, not just off the table, but dealt with, filed, whatever."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: SmarterPrimate on March 06, 2014, 03:29:16 PM
Oh my dad, bless his heart...

When I still lived with my parents, he took it upon himself to clean my dresser top. I will be the first to admit, it looked like a small tornado had gone over it, but to my teenaged sensibilities, it was organized chaos. The earrings weren't in the earring drawer, but I knew exactly where they were. Same with the hairbrush and barettes, lip gloss, etc. I was mad for a week after he did that, at least until I had located most of the stuff he had so helpfully "put away". BUT, I understand that it was his house, and he did have a right to do what he did. (Although it was so "counter-helpful" to me that I literally had to re-purchase some items that I could. not. find.)

Cue to current day, my DF (now DH) and I had recently purchased a house, and we got a dog. My parents would occasionally come and pick up our dog while we were at work, to take him to the off-leash park with their dog. This part was SUPER helpful, as it meant we did not need to walk him after work and could just relax. But one day, dirty dishes had gotten away from us, and there was a sinkful, as well as a pile on the counter awaiting washing when we got home that evening. Upon dropping off our dog, my dad washed every single dish he could find out in our kitchen. Well, I got home and lost my mind. I KNOW he thought he was being helpful, but to me, it was a gesture saying "If you kids are too darned irresponsible/lazy to keep up with your dishes, I guess I'll just have to let myself in and do them myself." I had words with my mother, and it has never happened again.

Size 11 ladies shoe here, I guess you have to expect your toes to get stepped on once in a while  ;D

(For the record, my dad is one of the greatest men I know. He really, honestly, wants to help, anyone, anytime he can. He's just a bit misguided occasionally. Also for the record, I am as stubborn as a mule  ;) )
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lynn2000 on March 06, 2014, 03:49:08 PM
I have a really tiny apartment. If there are even two other people in it, I feel like it's terribly crowded. That probably says more about my own comfort level than about the square footage, though, because I know my neighbors manage to have (small) parties. When one of my parents would help me up with groceries, at first they would just stand in the kitchen holding the grocery bags. The kitchen is so small that just them standing there with bags means I can't get to any cabinets or the counter, and only barely to the fridge. When I first moved in I had to say, rather forcefully, "Please put the bags straight down on the floor and go sit on the couch while I put things away." I had to add where to put the bags, because at first they were trying to put them on the counter, and there was already stuff there that they were knocking over.

I guess it seems weird to put the grocery bags down on the floor, kind of like they were just chucking stuff aside and abandoning me to take care of it, so it was nice they wanted to help further. But, these were after all my groceries, and they had already helped a ton by driving me to the grocery store and back, and helping me carry stuff up. So please, sit down for five minutes while I put stuff away, you've earned it!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MrTango on March 06, 2014, 04:22:01 PM
I tend to have the opposite problem.  I'll offer to help someone, and they'll accept, but then they won't actually tell me what they'd like me to do.  Then, when I try to ask for a task to do, they act like I'm in their way.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: AngelicGamer on March 06, 2014, 04:26:46 PM
This is going to make me sound horrible, but I'd really like people to stop helping me when they think I don't see/feel something.  I can see as I'm not completely blind but blind enough that the state says so (I have 14 degrees of field vision left, legally blind in the state of IL is anything under 20).  So I use a red tipped cane with a white mushroom tip.

Case in point - I went out yesterday morning and used the paratransit bus.  We had to pick up another woman and, as the bus was coming to a stop (which I felt), she went "the bus is coming to a stop".  I looked at her, gave a small smile, and said "Yes, I know" and got up when the bus driver opened the doors and not before.  That's my own preference because sometimes the drivers realize they have to pull up a bit after they've stopped.  I'd rather not fall on my face.

I did think it was very nice when the older gentleman and his granddaughter asked if they could help me return my books at the library.  I said that I was fine - still with a smile - but thank you for the offer.  It was different, to me, because it was more of a question of helping rather than a demand of helping.  Plus, I'd rather it be up to me with what I need help with because I know my limitations.  On a different day, I would have gladly taken the help at the book return because of problems being able to focus on seeing what I was going to do (if it's bright outside, it takes anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes for my eyes to refocus, depending on the light inside).

Also, the pulling at the mobility device reply from a PP?  I've been told to let go of my cane because I don't know if they're trying to rob me or help me.  I was a teenager at the time in a Orientation and Mobility class and that might have been the reason why.  I've never had anyone grab my cane that was older than three.  The kid wanted to examine the rope thing on top and I let the kid do so.  Parent apologized afterwards and reminded the kid to use their (limited) words.  :)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Ceallach on March 06, 2014, 04:43:35 PM
A small thing; but it seems to happen to me surprisingly often, and with quite a varied assortment of people.  It annoys me disproportionately, and at the same time has me wondering if this is an aspect of life in which in fact I am weird and out-of-synch with everyone else.

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment.  So often, some well-meaning twit who I happen to be with, will tell me about my non-fastened footwear. This always irritates me, and makes me want to yell at them in highly non-eHell-approved fashion: "Live your own ******* life, and pay me the ******* compliment of acting as if you thought I was competent and intelligent enough, to ******* manage my life in a way that works for me !"

My grandmother actually knocked out nearly all of her teeth at a young age (20s I think) tripping over untied shoelaces, ended up with false teeth an unusually young age.     I wouldn't say anything to you because quite frankly I just don't notice other people's feet.  But personally I consider it a kindness if somebody points out my shoe is untied.   (I saw your update that you are always polite to these people even though they annoy you, so I understand it's just one of those irritations for you!  :)).

If it's the same person saying this to you when you've already explained that you like them untied?  Yes, they should defintely stop *trying* to help!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 06, 2014, 04:56:06 PM
What kills me is when I hand my husband something with directions to put it away and I turn around and IT'SRIGHT BACK ON THE TABLE I'M TRYING TO CLEAN!  In what world is putting something back in the exact same space putting something away?  That is not helping. and then I get the PA looks and comments about being too OCD for help.  No, actually help, don't get in the way and double my workload.


Told my oldest to put away an assignment as I found it on top of the guinea pig cage. It migrated to the top of the speaker for the computer so I told him to put it away.  Guess where I found it? If you said back on top of the cage again, you guessed correctly.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on March 06, 2014, 04:59:51 PM
During the days of the physical card catalog, we had a volunteer go through and helpfully retype all of the cards for Roald Dahl to Ronald Dahl. Fortunately, she only got through the author cards and none of the title or subject cards. She was a good typist, but we never assigned that task to her again.

We also had one that we asked to file cards but not pull the rods. (I checked my own work, too.) She just put all the As in the front of the A drawer, the Bs in front of the first B drawer, and so forth. She was quite proud of how quickly she had finished that job. She was a college student.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Black Delphinium on March 06, 2014, 05:00:38 PM
What kills me is when I hand my husband something with directions to put it away and I turn around and IT'SRIGHT BACK ON THE TABLE I'M TRYING TO CLEAN!  In what world is putting something back in the exact same space putting something away?  That is not helping. and then I get the PA looks and comments about being too OCD for help.  No, actually help, don't get in the way and double my workload.


Told my oldest to put away an assignment as I found it on top of the guinea pig cage. It migrated to the top of the speaker for the computer so I told him to put it away.  Guess where I found it? If you said back on top of the cage again, you guessed correctly.
Gremlins.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: HGolightly on March 06, 2014, 06:37:07 PM
I have two "helpful" mothers in my life. For the most part my mom is very helpful unless it comes to organizing things. No matter how many times or how many ways I explain my sorting system, she manages to re do things her way and often incorrectly. As a result she helped me donate some of my DD's baby clothes....that she had not worn yet and in offering to store my wedding dress she accidentally donated that too. My wedding dress. She has since revised her story to say she never had it in her possession and how could *I* lose such a thing.
My MIL was a huge help and babysat my DD for a longer period of time. She helped by rearranging my kitchen cupboards, breaking and or throwing out things and redoing my freezer. We have a chest freezer and I am short so to make it easy to use I sorted everything into well labelled cloth grocery bags (fr veggies, meals, beef, seafood etc). I came home to the bags on the floor in front of the freezer and my freezer a mess. I nicely asked my MIL about it, explained why I did that and asked her not to help with that sort of thing. Her response was "oh well it would give me something to do later even though it was a waste of time". She also asked how I expected her to pass the time...I don't know...maybe by watching and entertaining my dd?? The babysitting moved to her house after that. Recently my in laws were to help with our dog when I had ds and I came home to a reorganized front closet and some of my DD's winter things given to her friend's granddaughter. Do you know how hard it is to find that stuff in late January?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: baglady on March 06, 2014, 06:44:21 PM
A small thing; but it seems to happen to me surprisingly often, and with quite a varied assortment of people.  It annoys me disproportionately, and at the same time has me wondering if this is an aspect of life in which in fact I am weird and out-of-synch with everyone else.

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment.  So often, some well-meaning twit who I happen to be with, will tell me about my non-fastened footwear. This always irritates me, and makes me want to yell at them in highly non-eHell-approved fashion: "Live your own ******* life, and pay me the ******* compliment of acting as if you thought I was competent and intelligent enough, to ******* manage my life in a way that works for me !"

Not weird necessarily, but I do think it's a needless waste of energy to get as angry as your post implies at someone who is trying to do you a favor. "Wardrobe malfunctions" (undone shoes, tags sticking out, skirts tucked into pantyhose) happen, and often without the wearer's knowledge. Most people consider it a courtesy to point them out and give the wearer a chance to correct them. It doesn't mean they're calling you an incompetent twit who doesn't have sense enough to tie his own shoes. Why not just say, "Thanks, I know, it's on purpose"? A well-meaning person will let it go after that.

Where it would annoy me is if the other person took it upon themselves to correct my "malfunction" without asking first. A sweet little old lady once tucked in the protruding back tag on my shirt without asking, and I jumped out of my skin because I was so startled. I do hope she has recovered from whatever shock I gave her with my reaction!

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: turtleIScream on March 06, 2014, 06:52:26 PM
Obviously, we do all have the same husband, because we also have the same MIL.

When my son was 3 weeks old, we had him dedicated at our church (similar to baptism, but not as official). We then invited everyone to our house for lunch and socializing. There were probably about 30 people at our house.  To keep it easy on me, I ordered a party platter from Subway, then supplemented with a huge salad, a pre-made veggie tray, and some chips. Before leaving for church, I laid out everything that could be safely out, even putting the unopened bags of chips in the proper serving bowls, so I would just have to rip open bags, and pull stuff out of the fridge. My ILs beat us home from the service and proceeded to let themselves in, rearrange the table to fit the food she brought (not requested or wanted), and dump the different flavors of chips into one big bowl so I wouldn't have so many dishes to wash.

Several years ago, we were having people over, so I requested my husband's help in cleaning up and getting the house ready for guests. He disappeared for awhile, and when he finally resurfaced, I asked if he had been straightening up the storage room in the basement (another of his "helpful" projects when we're crunched for time). Oh, no. He had remembered the computer was running slow, so he decided to clean up the hard drive to improve performance.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: kategillian on March 06, 2014, 08:15:40 PM
During the days of the physical card catalog, we had a volunteer go through and helpfully retype all of the cards for Roald Dahl to Ronald Dahl. Fortunately, she only got through the author cards and none of the title or subject cards.

*Gasp*
I mean seriously, I gasped when I read that.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: KB on March 06, 2014, 09:07:53 PM
Case in point - I went out yesterday morning and used the paratransit bus.  We had to pick up another woman and, as the bus was coming to a stop (which I felt), she went "the bus is coming to a stop".  I looked at her, gave a small smile, and said "Yes, I know" and got up when the bus driver opened the doors and not before.  That's my own preference because sometimes the drivers realize they have to pull up a bit after they've stopped.  I'd rather not fall on my face.

I hope you at least said 'Thank you'. It's not as if she could know you felt the bus arriving, and as long as she didn't grab your arm and drag you to your feet, I'm afraid I can't see what's wrong with someone saying something like that.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: StarDrifter on March 06, 2014, 10:28:36 PM
After the first instance of my mother 'accidentally' donating a bag of clothes I'd set aside to be washed and ironed and put into storage, I no longer get her to help me organise my clothing.

Though that didn't stop her from 'helping out' by sorting through Baby Drifters' clothes and putting anything that was size 00 (when Baby Drifter was in 0's and 1's, mostly) into a box and taking it away.

It took me a couple of days to notice, and when I asked her where the things had gone she told me that she had 'helped' by donating all the stuff that was too small for Baby Drifter.

"What about the outfit she wore home from hospital, that I said several times that I wanted to keep? Or the blue pyjamas that Husband's Nana gave us that she had sewn herself?" Both things I had put in a silver box that was also missing.

Thankfully, Mum knew where she had donated the things and I was able to go to the thrift store she had given them to, and recover most of the precious things, although one particular hat had already been sold and was gone forever, as was the box itself that had been used to house the keepsakes and had actually been something I bought before I was even pregnant.

Mum is no longer allowed time in Baby Drifters' room unsupservised.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: AngelicGamer on March 06, 2014, 10:43:08 PM
Case in point - I went out yesterday morning and used the paratransit bus.  We had to pick up another woman and, as the bus was coming to a stop (which I felt), she went "the bus is coming to a stop".  I looked at her, gave a small smile, and said "Yes, I know" and got up when the bus driver opened the doors and not before.  That's my own preference because sometimes the drivers realize they have to pull up a bit after they've stopped.  I'd rather not fall on my face.

I hope you at least said 'Thank you'. It's not as if she could know you felt the bus arriving, and as long as she didn't grab your arm and drag you to your feet, I'm afraid I can't see what's wrong with someone saying something like that.

I did.  It's more personal annoyance than anything else, really.  Sort of like a PP's want of wanting to keep her shoelaces untied and people telling her that they're untied.  :)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cabbageweevil on March 07, 2014, 02:07:17 AM
A propos my posts about the “shoelaces” issue – and SmarterPrimate, AngelicGamer, and baglady’s (this last, re “correcting without asking first”) posts – I’d say it has to do with the implication felt, that one is an inferior and incompetent being; and a nuisance for needing to be looked after, but the helpful person is such a virtuous and charitable soul, that they’re going to look after one anyway. And TootsNYC nails it; "they're not your mom" -- or at any rate, you are now grown up. (And as AngelicGamer remarks, there’s the difference between forcing unsought help on a person, rather than asking / offering.)

I’m sure it is over-reaction, and ungracious, to feel this way about something which is genuinely benignly meant;  but as is often said on eHell, our feelings are our feelings, and it’s very difficult or impossible to “un-feel” them.  Of course the party feeling (irrationally) offended this way, should not let it show, and should respond civilly; but at times, behaving properly is not easy.


Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: camlan on March 07, 2014, 05:42:17 AM
During the days of the physical card catalog, we had a volunteer go through and helpfully retype all of the cards for Roald Dahl to Ronald Dahl. Fortunately, she only got through the author cards and none of the title or subject cards. She was a good typist, but we never assigned that task to her again.

We also had one that we asked to file cards but not pull the rods. (I checked my own work, too.) She just put all the As in the front of the A drawer, the Bs in front of the first B drawer, and so forth. She was quite proud of how quickly she had finished that job. She was a college student.

For the first, Oh My!

Related to the second: I worked in my college library when I was a student. They were changing all the Dewey Decimal call numbers to the Library of Congress call numbers. So my job was to take a list of books, go through the card catalog and pull all the cards for those books, erase the old call number with an electric eraser, type in the new call number, and re-file the cards.

There were two choices for re-filing the cards. One, the one I used, was to keep the rod in the drawer and just place the card where it belonged, sticking up slightly from the other cards. The other was to take the rod out, file the card and place a red card behind it. Either way, someone else would come along at the end of the day to double check the cards were filed correctly, and they could easily see which cards needed to be checked.

Another student used the red card method, and was trying to get me to use it as well. I didn't want to. So she grabbed the drawer I was working on, pulled out the rod, pushed all the cards down, and shoved it back down the table to me. "See, it's so easy!" Only the drawer fell off the table and all the cards fell out. All over the floor.

She tried to blame me for that. And since I was the one working on the drawer, she said I was responsible for putting all the cards back, in order.

She was quite upset when I refused. I just got up and walked away--I was so angry I didn't trust myself to speak.

Because we both had classes shortly after the incident, one of the full-time members of staff had to fix the drawer, and another one had to double check it. Both of which took a long time.

Fortunately, I was not blamed for the incident (one of the librarians at the Circulation Desk had seen the whole thing). And the other student was not re-hired the following semester.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Dazi on March 07, 2014, 06:04:03 AM
I really don't know if my mother or GM was to blame for this incident.  Someone ironed all my broomstick skirts and my favorite puckered gingham dress to "get all the wrinkles out".  Totally ruined them.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: weeblewobble on March 07, 2014, 06:33:00 AM
I love my dad. I love that he is so proud of me for being able to make a living in an artistic field that is nearly impossible to break into. But sometimes, he doesn't grasp that my female-oriented, creativity-based field is not the same as the male-dominated, "work until you drop dead of a heart attack or your liver explodes" corporate culture he survived. I get a lot of lectures about proper behavior and professional appearances, but there are some things my job allows - nay things that are EXPECTED - of someone in my position, that would get my Dad fired from SuperScary Corp.

I love him. But I will not wear a power suit with shoulder pads to convention where everybody else is wearing corsets and steampunk goggles.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: weeblewobble on March 07, 2014, 06:43:05 AM
My mom, truly with only good intentions, sometimes forgets that not everyone thinks exactly the way she does. So, let's say we have a family get together. My brother and I kid around a lot. We always have. I'm almost 50 and he's a little older, so we are pretty comfortable with how we communicate with each other. But, Mom will hear us kidding around and will stew on one little comment and will twist it up in her head until she is convinced that one of us has gravely and irreparably insulted the other. Sohe'll go to the "perpetrator" and say something like, "You know, you really hurt your brother terribly with that comment you made etc." And will go on about how damaging it was...I used to take it seriously. I'd call my DB and apologize and he'd laugh and wonder what the heck I was talking about. And it would happen to him and other members of the family. We finally realized that as she's gotten older she's just gotten these idea and thinks she's being helpful. We have called her on it a few times and she is better about it. Now I know to ask, "Did DB actually tell you he was hurt by X comment?" And if her answer is "No, but I could tell" then I just tell her that if he is bothered by something he will let me know himself.

Also, it's better now, but for years my DH didn't understand that sometimes I just want to vent. If I've had a bad day at work or rotten traffic or whatever, he would insist on giving me advice on how to "fix" it. He's finally learned that I'm not looking for him to fix anything; I'm just sharing my day and trying to let off a little steam. It took time and a lot of me turning the tables on him before he got the point. But he did eventually get the point. It's not help if help is not wanted!

My whole family teases each other in this manner and generally know how to do it without taking it too far.  When feelings are hurt, the "perp" apologizes immediately.  But my grandma did not understand this culture AT ALL, and used to insist that the way my sister and I spoke to each other was a sign of deep-rooted, toxic hostility that would result in a lifetime of therapy for us both.(Grandma and her sister DID have serious problems and resentment between them, so I think she was projecting a little.)

 Nothing my mom could do could convince grandma otherwise. So when Grandma predicted dire consequences for our adult relationship, Mom would just shrug and say, "Well, if that happens, there's nothing we can do about it."

Drove Grandma crazy.

Also, that "fix it" thing is a very male response.  It took DH years to learn that all I want is for him to listen and tell me, "That sucks."  Last night, in fact, I was having a pretty serious crisis involving a work project, but rather than trying to tell me how to do it better or dig myself out of the hole I'd created, he just hugged me and herded the kids out of the room. I cried, but it was because I was happy he knew what I needed.  :)

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: SamiHami on March 07, 2014, 09:25:26 AM
My mom, truly with only good intentions, sometimes forgets that not everyone thinks exactly the way she does. So, let's say we have a family get together. My brother and I kid around a lot. We always have. I'm almost 50 and he's a little older, so we are pretty comfortable with how we communicate with each other. But, Mom will hear us kidding around and will stew on one little comment and will twist it up in her head until she is convinced that one of us has gravely and irreparably insulted the other. Sohe'll go to the "perpetrator" and say something like, "You know, you really hurt your brother terribly with that comment you made etc." And will go on about how damaging it was...I used to take it seriously. I'd call my DB and apologize and he'd laugh and wonder what the heck I was talking about. And it would happen to him and other members of the family. We finally realized that as she's gotten older she's just gotten these idea and thinks she's being helpful. We have called her on it a few times and she is better about it. Now I know to ask, "Did DB actually tell you he was hurt by X comment?" And if her answer is "No, but I could tell" then I just tell her that if he is bothered by something he will let me know himself.

Also, it's better now, but for years my DH didn't understand that sometimes I just want to vent. If I've had a bad day at work or rotten traffic or whatever, he would insist on giving me advice on how to "fix" it. He's finally learned that I'm not looking for him to fix anything; I'm just sharing my day and trying to let off a little steam. It took time and a lot of me turning the tables on him before he got the point. But he did eventually get the point. It's not help if help is not wanted!

My whole family teases each other in this manner and generally know how to do it without taking it too far.  When feelings are hurt, the "perp" apologizes immediately.  But my grandma did not understand this culture AT ALL, and used to insist that the way my sister and I spoke to each other was a sign of deep-rooted, toxic hostility that would result in a lifetime of therapy for us both.(Grandma and her sister DID have serious problems and resentment between them, so I think she was projecting a little.)

 Nothing my mom could do could convince grandma otherwise. So when Grandma predicted dire consequences for our adult relationship, Mom would just shrug and say, "Well, if that happens, there's nothing we can do about it."

Drove Grandma crazy.

Also, that "fix it" thing is a very male response.  It took DH years to learn that all I want is for him to listen and tell me, "That sucks."  Last night, in fact, I was having a pretty serious crisis involving a work project, but rather than trying to tell me how to do it better or dig myself out of the hole I'd created, he just hugged me and herded the kids out of the room. I cried, but it was because I was happy he knew what I needed.  :)

That's wonderful! When they get it, it really does help. Now when I come home from work and am frustrated because of difficult person, instead of trying to tell me how to handle them (aka "fixing"), he'll say something like, "Okay, well I'm going to hate person X for you!" then he'll list ridiculously stupid things that he wishes would happen to that person (I hope he wins the lottery--and then an airplane falls on him! or "I hope he gets an itch right in the middle of his back where he can't reach and it drives him insane!"). It always gets a laugh out of me and diffuses my anger/frustration.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: DragonKitty on March 07, 2014, 10:33:35 AM
The woman who grabbed my cane-holding arm to stop me as I was stepping down off a pavement to cross the road.

I couldn't even say anything, I was so taken aback, but apparently I looked like murder.

The lights had just changed in my favour, I knew that crossing well (she couldn't have known that), but grabbing someone mid-step manoeuvre? Could have caused me to fall while I was already injured. Also, who comes up behind a complete stranger and decides to intervene by grabbing their walking aid?

My mom is 60, and has mobility issues. She often has to lean on things to help her balance. One day she was getting some yogurt at the grocery store, and was holding onto the handle of the door to the refrigerated case to help keep her balance while she was bending down. A man came up behind her and grabbed the door and pulled it open wider, thinking he was being helpful by holding open the door for her. Mom ended up falling and hurting herself because suddenly having the door yanked out of her grasp tipped her off-balance.

I have had that happen twice in the last couple of weeks.  I walk with a cane, and will graciously accept most help.  But the person who came up behind me and opened the bathroom door while i was opening it, and leaning on it, thereby causing me to almost fall down by unexpectedly removing part of my support.

And then when i was leaving a convenience store, the person coming in suddenly yanked open the door on my side to go out, causing me to loose my balance, but luckily I was able to catch the doorframe to stop my fall.   And then she says "I was only trying to help.  I thought you saw me!"  Yes, I saw you , but expected you to open your own @#$% door, not mine!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on March 07, 2014, 11:36:57 AM
When I was using the walker, I was carefully lifting it up over a curb and a nice man tried to help me, surprising me. I started to fall over backwards, wrenched my new back and was in pain for several hours. He knew by my scream of pain and being off balance that it was not the things to do. No permanent damage, though.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: ddawn23 on March 07, 2014, 11:51:03 AM
When I was sixteen I applied to spend a year as a foreign exchange student with Rotary International.  There was a huge hours-long interview that we ended up having at my house-- ten or twelve Rotary bigwigs and me sitting around the living room with my parents watching in the corner.  During the interview whenever Dad disagreed with how I had answered a question he would interject, "So what you're saying is (insert his answer that obviously bore no relation to what I had said)."  It put me in such an awkward position, and I usually responded by restating my answer and trying to move the interview along.  After the Rotarians had left Dad was incensed that I had ignored all his attempts to help.  "I was giving you the right answers and you ignored it!"  I said that no, he was giving me his answers-- answers I happened to disagree with.  I said, "What did you expect to happen?  Either I publicly disagree with you and seem disrespectful, or I agree with you and it looks like I'm relying on you to feed me answers."  Luckily my mom backed me up (although I kind of wish she'd put a stop to it during the interview  ::)), but Dad spent the rest of the evening grumbling about how ungrateful I'd been when he was giving me the right answers.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Onyx_TKD on March 07, 2014, 12:03:44 PM
A propos my posts about the “shoelaces” issue – and SmarterPrimate, AngelicGamer, and baglady’s (this last, re “correcting without asking first”) posts – I’d say it has to do with the implication felt, that one is an inferior and incompetent being; and a nuisance for needing to be looked after, but the helpful person is such a virtuous and charitable soul, that they’re going to look after one anyway. And TootsNYC nails it; "they're not your mom" -- or at any rate, you are now grown up. (And as AngelicGamer remarks, there’s the difference between forcing unsought help on a person, rather than asking / offering.)

I’m sure it is over-reaction, and ungracious, to feel this way about something which is genuinely benignly meant;  but as is often said on eHell, our feelings are our feelings, and it’s very difficult or impossible to “un-feel” them.  Of course the party feeling (irrationally) offended this way, should not let it show, and should respond civilly; but at times, behaving properly is not easy.

Like you said, you feel how you feel and that's hard to change. But I was wondering, have people actually been telling you to tie your shoes or just informing you that they're untied? If they're just informing you, it's a situation where it's almost impossible to ask you if you want "help" without just going ahead and telling you. (About the only thing I can think of is asking out of the blue "Hypothetically, if your shoes were untied, would you want me to tell you?" which would probably get most people looking at the asker like they had two heads.  ;))

I've regularly run across similar scenarios. I notice something that a particular person should know about, and there's a good possibility that they will remain unaware unless someone tells them. It's also quite possible that someone has already told them (or they've noticed on their own), but I have absolutely no way of knowing whether that's the case or not. So my options are to inform them (risking that I'm telling them something they've heard a dozen times already) or to ignore it (risking that they won't notice at all until there are noticeable consequences). My usual tactic is to ask them "Are you aware that ____?" or something similar--once. My intent is not to complain or criticize or tell them to fix the problem. I literally just want to make sure that they are aware of it, so they can handle it in whatever fashion they think is best (including leaving it as it is).

For example, the display on the front of the bus or on the customer side of a cash register is malfunctioning and unreadable. It's not in a position where the driver/cashier can actually see it from their normal position, but someone on the bus/store staff needs to know about it so they can decide what steps to take. Untied shoelaces would fall into the same category for me. If the wearer knows they're untied and wants them to stay that way, then great. My concern would be that the wearer thinks they're tied and trips because they're unaware of the loose shoelaces. I, as a grownup (allegedly, at least  ;)), have shoelaces come loose fairly frequently and don't always notice right away, so I certainly don't think someone's incompetent for having untied shoelaces!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on March 07, 2014, 12:41:33 PM
Back when I was in college, you could check out things in the dorm, like irons, for a limited amount of time.  So my roommate offers to iron my dress for me, because she loved to iron.  Okay, I hate chores, go for it.  It took her nearly an hour to iron an extremely short dress.  She was going on and on and on (and on) about how she loved doing favors for people and no one appreciated it.  She's slapping the dress down on one side and running the iron across it exactly one swipe, before flipping it to the other side and one swipe of the iron.  Since she was so haphazard about the actual iron, she was actually ironing creases into the dress.

I finally exclaimed, "Thank you!" and snatched the iron and dress away from her.  I'll do my own chores from here on in.  I'm better at it and they don't come with a huge serving of guilt.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cabbageweevil on March 07, 2014, 02:25:09 PM
A propos my posts about the “shoelaces” issue – and SmarterPrimate, AngelicGamer, and baglady’s (this last, re “correcting without asking first”) posts – I’d say it has to do with the implication felt, that one is an inferior and incompetent being; and a nuisance for needing to be looked after, but the helpful person is such a virtuous and charitable soul, that they’re going to look after one anyway. And TootsNYC nails it; "they're not your mom" -- or at any rate, you are now grown up. (And as AngelicGamer remarks, there’s the difference between forcing unsought help on a person, rather than asking / offering.)

I’m sure it is over-reaction, and ungracious, to feel this way about something which is genuinely benignly meant;  but as is often said on eHell, our feelings are our feelings, and it’s very difficult or impossible to “un-feel” them.  Of course the party feeling (irrationally) offended this way, should not let it show, and should respond civilly; but at times, behaving properly is not easy.

Like you said, you feel how you feel and that's hard to change. But I was wondering, have people actually been telling you to tie your shoes or just informing you that they're untied? If they're just informing you, it's a situation where it's almost impossible to ask you if you want "help" without just going ahead and telling you. (About the only thing I can think of is asking out of the blue "Hypothetically, if your shoes were untied, would you want me to tell you?" which would probably get most people looking at the asker like they had two heads.  ;))

I've regularly run across similar scenarios. I notice something that a particular person should know about, and there's a good possibility that they will remain unaware unless someone tells them. It's also quite possible that someone has already told them (or they've noticed on their own), but I have absolutely no way of knowing whether that's the case or not. So my options are to inform them (risking that I'm telling them something they've heard a dozen times already) or to ignore it (risking that they won't notice at all until there are noticeable consequences). My usual tactic is to ask them "Are you aware that ____?" or something similar--once. My intent is not to complain or criticize or tell them to fix the problem. I literally just want to make sure that they are aware of it, so they can handle it in whatever fashion they think is best (including leaving it as it is).

For example, the display on the front of the bus or on the customer side of a cash register is malfunctioning and unreadable. It's not in a position where the driver/cashier can actually see it from their normal position, but someone on the bus/store staff needs to know about it so they can decide what steps to take. Untied shoelaces would fall into the same category for me. If the wearer knows they're untied and wants them to stay that way, then great. My concern would be that the wearer thinks they're tied and trips because they're unaware of the loose shoelaces. I, as a grownup (allegedly, at least  ;)), have shoelaces come loose fairly frequently and don't always notice right away, so I certainly don't think someone's incompetent for having untied shoelaces!

It's "with one's head" versus "with one's gut".  With my head, I get you entirely, re all your post above -- and acknowledge and approve the good sense in what you say there.  With my gut, "this thing re this situation" irritates me immoderately when I get it from people; I know cerebrally all the while, that I'm being very unfair and irrational !
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cabbageweevil on March 07, 2014, 02:35:44 PM
Back when I was in college, you could check out things in the dorm, like irons, for a limited amount of time.  So my roommate offers to iron my dress for me, because she loved to iron.  Okay, I hate chores, go for it.  It took her nearly an hour to iron an extremely short dress.  She was going on and on and on (and on) about how she loved doing favors for people and no one appreciated it.  She's slapping the dress down on one side and running the iron across it exactly one swipe, before flipping it to the other side and one swipe of the iron.  Since she was so haphazard about the actual iron, she was actually ironing creases into the dress.

I finally exclaimed, "Thank you!" and snatched the iron and dress away from her.  I'll do my own chores from here on in.  I'm better at it and they don't come with a huge serving of guilt.

Your roommate strikes me as, re this issue -- odd, to say the least; and maddening.  In your shoes, I doubt whether I could even have managed the "Thank you!".  One becomes inclined to the conclusion that people are just weird.  Maybe the general business of trying to be helpful, has a way of bringing out annoying weirdness in those on both sides of the transaction; as with my own touchiness, featuring in this thread, about unfastened footwear and communication on that subject.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Onyx_TKD on March 07, 2014, 02:56:10 PM
It's "with one's head" versus "with one's gut".  With my head, I get you entirely, re all your post above -- and acknowledge and approve the good sense in what you say there.  With my gut, "this thing re this situation" irritates me immoderately when I get it from people; I know cerebrally all the while, that I'm being very unfair and irrational !

Got it.  ;) I've got some of those pet peeves, too. They're incredibly annoying, and yet I can't reasonably expect the perpetrator to realize they're annoying the living daylights out of me!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: perpetua on March 07, 2014, 04:11:59 PM
I really don't know if my mother or GM was to blame for this incident.  Someone ironed all my broomstick skirts and my favorite puckered gingham dress to "get all the wrinkles out".  Totally ruined them.

I didn't think I had a tale for this thread but whatdya know, your post reminded me that I do.

When I was younger I was a big music fan - still am - but this was back in the days of 7 and 12 inch vinyl singles, which I would proudly buy one of every week with my pocket money. I loved my records and by the time of this incident I had started to build up quite a nice little collection.

One day, my mum, god rest her soul, decided to tidy up all my records, putting them in a nice neat pile. A nice neat pile on the windowsill. On a hot, summer's day.  It would have been bad enough if they'd all just warped; that they actually melted broke my heart.

Mum was not a music fan. She didn't understand what all the fuss - or indeed, the wailing - was about.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: PrettySticks on March 07, 2014, 04:50:07 PM
But boy, does he go the "speck in your eye" thing when I ask him to declutter. He's suddenly picking up stuff of mine off the shelf and saying, "We don't need this!" Meanwhile, it's a small cutting board I just used 3 days ago and use about 10 times a year. And is flat and doesn't take up any room.
   But his LPs that he *never* listens to? He doesn't even see them.
   Makes me especially annoyed bcs *I* -do- weed out my own things.

You made me think of one.  I came into work one morning to find the radiator in my office had been leaking and part of the carpet was soaked.  I had this dumb particle board bookcase (like Ikea but way shoddier) near the radiator that had basically soaked up water and had to be thrown out.  Since I was storing a bunch of stuff on those shelves I bit the bullet and spent the day doing a massive cleaning/reorganizing session in my office, trashing anything I didn't need.  A week later, purely by coincidence, the company says we're going to have a business-wide clean-up day, both for organizational purposes and to send stuff to our warehouse and archives (this is a smallish non-profit performing arts company).  Normally I'd be all for that, but since I had literally just cleaned everything (and I wouldn't really be in possession of anything that would qualify as "archival") I didn't have anything to do.  Anyway, halfway through the day, I'm doing regular work, and my boss comes into my office and is all "OK, PrettySticks, what are you throwing out? You need to clean out some things!"  She's kind of spinning in circles like a dog chasing it's tail looking for anything to throw out in my (very tiny) office.  I remind her that I just cleaned out my office - she was present for the radiator fiasco - not to mention my office was looking pretty spartan at that moment.  So she grabbed these five playbills that I had open on my desk, which I was using at that moment to research something, and said "You can throw out these! You aren't using these!"  When I looked in her office later, it didn't look like she'd cleaned out anything, so I think she preferred to throw out my stuff rather than her own.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: KB on March 07, 2014, 06:42:23 PM
When I was sixteen I applied to spend a year as a foreign exchange student with Rotary International.  There was a huge hours-long interview that we ended up having at my house-- ten or twelve Rotary bigwigs and me sitting around the living room with my parents watching in the corner.  During the interview whenever Dad disagreed with how I had answered a question he would interject, "So what you're saying is (insert his answer that obviously bore no relation to what I had said)."  It put me in such an awkward position, and I usually responded by restating my answer and trying to move the interview along.  After the Rotarians had left Dad was incensed that I had ignored all his attempts to help.  "I was giving you the right answers and you ignored it!"  I said that no, he was giving me his answers-- answers I happened to disagree with.  I said, "What did you expect to happen?  Either I publicly disagree with you and seem disrespectful, or I agree with you and it looks like I'm relying on you to feed me answers."  Luckily my mom backed me up (although I kind of wish she'd put a stop to it during the interview  ::)), but Dad spent the rest of the evening grumbling about how ungrateful I'd been when he was giving me the right answers.

May I just say, having been both the student being interviewed and also the interviewer in that same situation, you did exactly the right thing and I would have been very impressed with that. I would have appreciated seeing how well you addressed potential conflict (which happens many times during a year away in another culture) and also how you let other people have their say without telling them to their faces that they were wrong and you were right. Well done, particularly at 16!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on March 07, 2014, 11:22:58 PM
When I was sixteen I applied to spend a year as a foreign exchange student with Rotary International.  There was a huge hours-long interview that we ended up having at my house-- ten or twelve Rotary bigwigs and me sitting around the living room with my parents watching in the corner.  During the interview whenever Dad disagreed with how I had answered a question he would interject, "So what you're saying is (insert his answer that obviously bore no relation to what I had said)."  It put me in such an awkward position, and I usually responded by restating my answer and trying to move the interview along.  After the Rotarians had left Dad was incensed that I had ignored all his attempts to help.  "I was giving you the right answers and you ignored it!"  I said that no, he was giving me his answers-- answers I happened to disagree with.  I said, "What did you expect to happen?  Either I publicly disagree with you and seem disrespectful, or I agree with you and it looks like I'm relying on you to feed me answers."  Luckily my mom backed me up (although I kind of wish she'd put a stop to it during the interview  ::)), but Dad spent the rest of the evening grumbling about how ungrateful I'd been when he was giving me the right answers.

May I just say, having been both the student being interviewed and also the interviewer in that same situation, you did exactly the right thing and I would have been very impressed with that. I would have appreciated seeing how well you addressed potential conflict (which happens many times during a year away in another culture) and also how you let other people have their say without telling them to their faces that they were wrong and you were right. Well done, particularly at 16!

I can a bit understand that the interview was held in the home, but please, can you tell me how the parents were there, even for a 16 year old?

And yes! I do agree that ddawn did a good job!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: mime on March 07, 2014, 11:41:38 PM
I basically stink at cooking and I hate to do it, but I am very pleased with my baking-- and I like to develop my own take on things.

I made a dessert for a gathering with my ILs once. It was a pound cake with coconut milk, topped with fresh strawberries and a strawberry-shaped coconut confection. I was pleased with the mix of the berries' natural sweetness, the cake's not-overly sweetness and the piece of candy which was quite sweet. I also thought the cake and berries garnished with the coconut confection was very elegant in appearance.

My MIL thought something was missing. Apparently she took pity on me for my severely-lacking kitchen skills and decided to 'help'. While I thought everything was chilling in the fridge, she took all of the strawberries and put them in the blender with an equal amount of sugar, resulting in a sickening-sweet red liquid to pour over the cake. She was very pleased with herself, that she could help 'fix' my dessert.

grrrr...
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on March 08, 2014, 12:03:49 AM
Does anyone remember the hostess who took the honey-glazed spiral ham brought by her brother or brother in law, trimmed it down and served it as slices of ham because no one needed the fat or the sugar!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: RingTailedLemur on March 08, 2014, 07:54:41 AM
Ugh, I spent years trying to convince DH not to be a fixer.  There's only so many times I can cry, "Just be nice!!!"

I used to share a house with a guy who would "help" - usually resulting in my things being lost or broken or otherwise as I didn't want them.  If I made my frustration about it known, he would act all wounded.  If people want to help me it is best if they either do things my way or not help me at all.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: doodlemor on March 08, 2014, 11:46:43 AM
Does anyone remember the hostess who took the honey-glazed spiral ham brought by her brother or brother in law, trimmed it down and served it as slices of ham because no one needed the fat or the sugar!

I do!

Wasn't there another one about a woman who took chili to a pot luck, and some one else there dumped a lot of ketchup in it?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Asharah on March 08, 2014, 03:46:00 PM
Does anyone remember the hostess who took the honey-glazed spiral ham brought by her brother or brother in law, trimmed it down and served it as slices of ham because no one needed the fat or the sugar!

I do!

Wasn't there another one about a woman who took chili to a pot luck, and some one else there dumped a lot of ketchup in it?
Remember that one, plus one where somebody added onions to somebody else's potluck baked beans, which original cook's husband was allergic to.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Julian on March 08, 2014, 05:08:00 PM
Former boarder who took it upon himself to remove all the 'expired' meat from the deep freeze.  'Expired' as in the use-by date on the packages was for unfrozen meat.  Over $200 of meat lost.

Former MIL who took it upon herself to clean out my freezer (hmm, seems to be a trend) and threw out 40+ jars of homemade baby food because a couple of them were slightly overfilled and had popped open during freezing.  And then argued with me when I let her know I wasn't impressed.

Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house.  Nice idea in theory, but when that help involves constant demands for attention, directions and negative comments...  then directly doing what I've asked not be done (or not doing what I did ask) to the extent that it's costing me heaps in money and time...  She went wild in the garden with the chainsaw and removing garden beds, broke things that were going to be re-used, left paintbrushes and rollers to dry without rinsing, took my shiny new ride-on mower for a spin and got it stuck and the blades bent on an obstruction...  then when we did break up (for other reasons) tried to guilt me into taking her back because of how much 'help' she'd been.  Sigh.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: JustEstelle on March 09, 2014, 04:40:28 AM
My parents lived with me for a time when I was still single.  I had bought myself a rather nice outfit that I was particularly proud of.  The slacks were cool water hand wash only, and the top was dry clean only.  I'd been doing well taking care of cleaning the outfit myself, and both still looked like new, even after several wearings.  I liked to do my own laundry, as I have my own way of doing things that were a bit different from how my mom did them.  I thought that we had an understanding about it, but I came home from work one day to find that my mom had decided to "help" me by doing my laundry for me.  She had tossed my hand wash only slacks into the washing machine and then the dryer.  They had shrunk and wrinkles had been permanently set from the dryer.  Mom couldn't understand why I was so upset with her about it.  I had asked her repeatedly NOT to go into my room and clean or do any other chores for me (it was my house, not theirs) but she still insisted on "helping" me.  I wound up having to throw the slacks away, as they no longer fit me and the wrinkles had become permanent. 

Another incident that still leaves a bad taste in my mouth was my cousin coming over the day after I got home from surgery to help with housework.  While I appreciate the gesture of doing things for me that I was not physically able to do, she completely reorganized my kitchen cabinets, and there are some items that I have never yet been able to find from her "helping" me.  My aunt also came over that day to see me.  She basically said a perfunctory "hello" to me as she passed through the room where I was sitting and went into the kitchen, where she had a lengthy visit with my cousin.  She did say good-bye to me as she left, but I kind of felt like she had come more to see my cousin than to see me. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: zyrs on March 09, 2014, 07:08:41 AM
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.






Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Dazi on March 09, 2014, 07:12:22 AM
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

That sounds y'all heard was my head exploding <says the girl that comes from a family of stamp collectors>
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Dazi on March 09, 2014, 07:32:12 AM
So I have a doozy that happened, well, recently.

Some unknown CW took it upon themselves to complain about another CW, Helen, on my behalf.  They got it in their head that this person was annoying me and creating a nuisance and reported  her to their manager to help me get it resolved (note: we have different department heads, though we technically work in the same office).  Without speaking to me about it, I guess her manager had a "talk" with her about what was going on and "resolved" the issue.  No one came to talk to me prior to this, so I have no freaking idea what actually transpired.  It should also be noted that this entire thing is in somebody's head because I had ZERO issue with what was going on and if someone had asked me about it prior to talking to Helen I would have told them so. Also, if I had a problem with Helen, I would have spoken to her first to try and work it out before involving a manager.

So I get this tearful shaky apology from Helen and I standing their looking completely perplexed because I had no flipping idea why I was getting an apology, let alone what it was for.  I mean it was in English, it just didn't compute. ??? ??? ??? I ask her what the heck she is talking about, she explains the above. I told her it was complete nonsense because if I had a problem, I would have spoken to her directly. She did say she felt much better about it after she talked to me because she believed the same thing, if I had a problem, I would have talked to her before escalating it. Her manager did come talk to me after the unneeded apology to tell me the issue was resolved and I told her their was never an issue to resolve.

The entire thing was just confusing. I still don't know who the non-existant "issue" really belonged to, but it wasn't me.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Asharah on March 09, 2014, 12:22:58 PM
What kills me is the number of "helpful" people who can't understand why a person was upset over having their possessions destroyed because they were "just trying to help." How oblivious can someone be?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 09, 2014, 12:25:46 PM
Yeah really, I'd feel bad if, in trying to help someone, I damaged something that meant a great deal to them and would fall over myself apologizing, regardless of my intentions.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Free Range Hippy Chick on March 09, 2014, 12:30:09 PM
Does anyone remember the hostess who took the honey-glazed spiral ham brought by her brother or brother in law, trimmed it down and served it as slices of ham because no one needed the fat or the sugar!

I do!

Wasn't there another one about a woman who took chili to a pot luck, and some one else there dumped a lot of ketchup in it?
Remember that one, plus one where somebody added onions to somebody else's potluck baked beans, which original cook's husband was allergic to.

I took home made lemon swiss roll to a potluck. I'm good with swiss roll - I can roll it up so that it doesn't crack even once, and that's without having to trim off the edges. Home made lemon curd in it, and whipped cream, and a chocolate, lemon curd and cream decoration on the top. For some entirely unknown reason, the hostess decided that this was supposed to be a hot dessert, and while we were eating the main course, she put it in the oven for about 20 minutes. That gives you hot overbaked sponge on the outside and a sort of slimy squidgy mess in the middle, because the eggs in the lemon curd set hard, but the cream melts. I have no idea what she was thinking.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: BarensMom on March 09, 2014, 12:57:29 PM
I've done this:

At a church potluck years ago, one of the members brought a pie and left it in the kitchen w/o comment.  It looked like a normal pie, albeit with a fancy decorated crust.  So I set it aside with the other pies, cakes, etc., on the dessert table.  After everyone had gone through the main line, the member approached me, and in a huff, informed me that her pie was a "savory" and was on the wrong table.  She moved it to the main table, after which everyone going for seconds/thirds ignored it for some reason.  It didn't get eaten, and the member took it home, never to contribute again.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Klein Bottle on March 09, 2014, 01:39:19 PM
I've done this:

At a church potluck years ago, one of the members brought a pie and left it in the kitchen w/o comment.  It looked like a normal pie, albeit with a fancy decorated crust.  So I set it aside with the other pies, cakes, etc., on the dessert table.  After everyone had gone through the main line, the member approached me, and in a huff, informed me that her pie was a "savory" and was on the wrong table.  She moved it to the main table, after which everyone going for seconds/thirds ignored it for some reason.  It didn't get eaten, and the member took it home, never to contribute again.

I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on March 09, 2014, 02:01:23 PM
I've done this:

At a church potluck years ago, one of the members brought a pie and left it in the kitchen w/o comment.  It looked like a normal pie, albeit with a fancy decorated crust.  So I set it aside with the other pies, cakes, etc., on the dessert table.  After everyone had gone through the main line, the member approached me, and in a huff, informed me that her pie was a "savory" and was on the wrong table.  She moved it to the main table, after which everyone going for seconds/thirds ignored it for some reason.  It didn't get eaten, and the member took it home, never to contribute again.

I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.

It was round and not a quiche? Don't feel bad about that! Was it a giant pot pie sort of thing? I've never seen anything like you are describing. Still, she needed to tell you. Most of my meat dishes are square and I take a spatula & labeled clearly. The lasagna is obvious. (I've never lost a spatula, by the way.)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Calypso on March 09, 2014, 03:25:00 PM
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

I just read this one to my stamp collecting DH. "Where is she buried?", he would like to know.  :o
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: RooRoo on March 09, 2014, 04:05:06 PM
Quote
the hostess who took the honey-glazed spiral ham brought by her brother or brother in law, trimmed it down and served it as slices of ham because no one needed the fat or the sugar!
I read this to DH. His jaw dropped and he turned red with rage! (He blushes easily, and is a teddy bear.) We loves us some Honey Baked Ham.

Back on topic: In this case, the help offered was very good, and could have been badly needed by someone else.

I'm pretty sure I've told this before. I had fallen off a horse, and was badly bruised all up one side. About a week later, when all the bruises were beautifully colored, I sneezed. That's how I found out I had broken a couple of ribs in the same fall. Of course, it was the middle of the night, and DH was asleep, and I had to wake him up to take me to the ED.

He gets mad when I am hurt - mad because I am hurt, not mad at me. When he is really mad, he looks dangerous, as if he might explode violently any second. It can be really scary to anyone who doesn't know him. So, during intake, he is sitting back, angry, while I am talking to the very nice male nurse. He noticed the old bruises and my explosive-looking DH, and leaned in to quietly ask me, "Do you need a safe place to stay tonight?" Deity bless him! It made me laugh, which hurt. But I thanked him warmly all the same.

Another type of "help" I don't need is when somebody writes corrections in a library book, crossing out misspellings and writing the correct version in the margin, for instance. I can be a "grammar nazi" myself - but writing it in just distracts me from reading, even if I do it in my own books. And I've gotten over my desire to offer help online. It looks so pedantic in black and white...

Which reminds me of an author (E. B. White?)  who told of a copy editor who changed his line from "The bull lay burred in the deep sand" to "The ball lay buried in the deep sand"! ...Just imagine how that copy editor would have done with e. e. cummings. (I'm hearing Mr. Bill saying, "Oh no!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eYkUHQFoVk (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eYkUHQFoVk))
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MommyPenguin on March 09, 2014, 05:32:33 PM
Another type of "help" I don't need is when somebody writes corrections in a library book, crossing out misspellings and writing the correct version in the margin, for instance. I can be a "grammar nazi" myself - but writing it in just distracts me from reading, even if I do it in my own books. And I've gotten over my desire to offer help online. It looks so pedantic in black and white...

Which reminds me of an author (E. B. White?)  who told of a copy editor who changed his line from "The bull lay burred in the deep sand" to "The ball lay buried in the deep sand"! ...Just imagine how that copy editor would have done with e. e. cummings. (I'm hearing Mr. Bill saying, "Oh no!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eYkUHQFoVk (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eYkUHQFoVk))

I just ran into a library book the other day that somebody had taken issue with!  It was a book on a political/economic subject, and somebody had written across the first blank page before the title page several paragraphs about how people who read/believe this book are idiots and shouldn't be allowed any political power.  Okay, dude, trying to prevent people from arguing their point, even if you disagree with it?  Not exactly something likely to make me think you know what you're talking about.  If your side is right, then it can stand up to some opposition.  And on a library book, poor book.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on March 09, 2014, 05:49:12 PM
What kills me is the number of "helpful" people who can't understand why a person was upset over having their possessions destroyed because they were "just trying to help." How oblivious can someone be?

Yeah, really! I'm the one who messed up, in my case, and believe me, I KNOW what I did wrong. And I grovelled. And I get it, not just did I mess up her stuff, but I crossed a boundary. And that is a HUGE part of knowing that I messed up.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: NyaChan on March 09, 2014, 05:59:39 PM
I think it is from a desire not to have to go completely into, "yes, I screwed up territory."  My mom does stuff like this and one time when I didn't let it go with a oh that's okay (we'd had this conversation about how rearranging, redecorating, and sorting through my things was not appreciated more times than I could count), she kind of snapped and says something to the effect of:  OKAY! I messed up!  It's gone now, what do you want me to do?  Do you want me to beg for forgiveness???  I was trying to help you - you think you never upset me? Don't I forgive you? and so on and so forth. 

On one level I think she couldn't fathom why I don't want my room arranged to the specifications she likes since in her mind that is clearly the superior and proper way of things.  When she "fixes" it, she expects me to be grateful for having saved me the trouble of doing the work needed to get the result she thinks I should want. On another level, she knows I've explicitly told her I don't like it, and when she did it anyways and as a result loses or throws away something I actually needed, she feels guilty and wants me to say its okay so she doesn't have to really face the fact that she screwed up in a way that was permanent.  Instead, she can focus on the "awesome" thing she's done that I should be oh so thankful for.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on March 09, 2014, 06:02:47 PM
And the reason my DD doesn't keep going on and on about the thing I messed up is, I admitted it to her, I apologized, I gave her some indication that I KNOW I messed up.

If I had said, "Oh, it's just a silly superstition, you should be glad I straightened your room," or if I did this sort of thing repeatedly, of course she would not be willing to forgive me right away. Of course she's going to harp on it.

Because I wouldn't be getting the message!

"Don't apologize. Stop doing it."
or, "I'll forgive you when you stop doing the same thing over and over."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Dazi on March 09, 2014, 06:13:51 PM
I forgot about the food adjusters. I've have three that stick out in my mind.

The one who added nutmeg to my Mac and cheese.

The one who added cinnamon to my homemade spaghetti sauce.

The one who,  when I went to the bathroom, added the shrimp to the main dish before I had portioned out mine (shellfish allergy).  This is a dish that shrimp is an optional ingredient and I had a few people ask if I was making it that way because they just love it that way (I actually didn't have an issue with the shrimp request... It was my favorite way to have it prior to the shellfish allergy manifesting).  I was not amused,  my other guests were asking why I wasn't eating what I served them, I didn't get leftovers for the next few days, and the worst part was that she knew about the allergy. She kept repeating "I was just helping".  No,  no you weren't.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lady Snowdon on March 09, 2014, 06:17:08 PM
And the reason my DD doesn't keep going on and on about the thing I messed up is, I admitted it to her, I apologized, I gave her some indication that I KNOW I messed up.

If I had said, "Oh, it's just a silly superstition, you should be glad I straightened your room," or if I did this sort of thing repeatedly, of course she would not be willing to forgive me right away. Of course she's going to harp on it.

Because I wouldn't be getting the message!

"Don't apologize. Stop doing it."
or, "I'll forgive you when you stop doing the same thing over and over."

Or as I told several "helpful" people when their helpfulness caused me to lose something I valued, "Sorry only means something if you don't do it again.  Otherwise it's just a word."

My in-laws have "helpfully" put away so much stuff when they come over with the little kids that there are a few things that I don't know the location of anymore, or even if they are still in my house.  Some of it is really not important, like some of my dog's toys.  Some is important but technically replaceable, like copies of our marriage certificate.  And some of it is irreplaceable, like the pictures I'm pretty sure my mom sent me of my childhood that I currently can't find!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 09, 2014, 07:02:04 PM
I've done this:

At a church potluck years ago, one of the members brought a pie and left it in the kitchen w/o comment.  It looked like a normal pie, albeit with a fancy decorated crust.  So I set it aside with the other pies, cakes, etc., on the dessert table.  After everyone had gone through the main line, the member approached me, and in a huff, informed me that her pie was a "savory" and was on the wrong table.  She moved it to the main table, after which everyone going for seconds/thirds ignored it for some reason.  It didn't get eaten, and the member took it home, never to contribute again.

I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.

It was round and not a quiche? Don't feel bad about that! Was it a giant pot pie sort of thing? I've never seen anything like you are describing. Still, she needed to tell you. Most of my meat dishes are square and I take a spatula & labeled clearly. The lasagna is obvious. (I've never lost a spatula, by the way.)

Same here.  I have to be honest, until my first time having shepherd's pie, I didn't know there was a pie made from ground meat.  Chicken pot pie surely but that has a different crust than a dessert pie. Least, the ones I've had anyway.  And my shepherd's pies have no crust at all, though I've seen some recipes where you can use a crust, I just don't.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Tea Drinker on March 09, 2014, 07:41:00 PM
I've done this:

At a church potluck years ago, one of the members brought a pie and left it in the kitchen w/o comment.  It looked like a normal pie, albeit with a fancy decorated crust.  So I set it aside with the other pies, cakes, etc., on the dessert table.  After everyone had gone through the main line, the member approached me, and in a huff, informed me that her pie was a "savory" and was on the wrong table.  She moved it to the main table, after which everyone going for seconds/thirds ignored it for some reason.  It didn't get eaten, and the member took it home, never to contribute again.

I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.

It was round and not a quiche? Don't feel bad about that! Was it a giant pot pie sort of thing? I've never seen anything like you are describing. Still, she needed to tell you. Most of my meat dishes are square and I take a spatula & labeled clearly. The lasagna is obvious. (I've never lost a spatula, by the way.)

Same here.  I have to be honest, until my first time having shepherd's pie, I didn't know there was a pie made from ground meat.  Chicken pot pie surely but that has a different crust than a dessert pie. Least, the ones I've had anyway.  And my shepherd's pies have no crust at all, though I've seen some recipes where you can use a crust, I just don't.

I have seen something like that: a friend of mine made a very nice goose pie out of leftovers from New Year's Eve dinner one year. But if she brought a poultry pie to a party and just put it on a table, unless it was hot enough for me to smell the difference, or she told me, I would assume she'd baked a fruit pie. She bakes lots of sweet things, not just the occasional savory dinner pie. I certainly wouldn't think "this must be a savory pie" because I know one person who occasionally makes them, and more than one person who only makes the sweet kind.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Asharah on March 09, 2014, 08:02:23 PM
Regarding people who meddle with other people's cooking, I recall another thread on the subject where a poster declared that in The South meddling with another woman's cooking is an act of high treason that will get you thrown out of polite society. You do not even slice another woman's cake without specific permission.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: StarDrifter on March 09, 2014, 08:41:40 PM
Regarding people who meddle with other people's cooking, I recall another thread on the subject where a poster declared that in The South meddling with another woman's cooking is an act of high treason that will get you thrown out of polite society. You do not even slice another woman's cake without specific permission.
I think I want that (or something paraphrased from that) on a sign to hang in my kitchen. Much as I love my mother, she and I have vastly different cooking styles and the number of dishes she has destroyed by 'helping' me with them... yeah. She was never allowed in my kitchen at my old house, and won't be coming into the new one, either!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: StarFaerie on March 09, 2014, 09:22:44 PM
Ah my mother belongs in this tread. She helps in the way she thinks is best.

After my ex left, I cleaned out the entire house and separated stuff into rubbish, ex's stuff, my stuff, DS's stuff and stuff for storage (documents, stuff from my chhildhood, select of DS's baby clothes, some of DS's old baby toys that he still wanted and so on). I mentioned to my mother how much rubbish there was and that I was going to hire someone to take it away. She suggested that I get her gardener to do it and I foolishly agreed. All the rubbish had been put outside the back door as the gardener was coming when I was at work. For some reason my mother came with him. When the trailer wasn't full after all the garbage was taken, she let herself into the house with the spare key (she knew where it was kept) took the half filled kitchen garbage bin (that was OK) and then went into the spare room. Seeing bags full of stuff that happened to be in garbage bags, she took these out to the trailer. You guessed it, these were the stuff for storage and quite a bit of the ex's stuff that wasn't really right for boxes. By the time I got home that night it was all gone to the garbage tip and unretrievable. She is still upset with me that I was upset with her and that wasn't thankful for all her hard work that day. After all, she meant well and how was she to know it wasn't garbage? Grrrr.

The other major one was when I was very ill. I was sleeping 21 hours a day and was too tired even to watch TV or read when I was awake. This went on for about 6 months. I will admit she was helpful in taking me to doctors appointments, etc. One day after we had gotten back to my place from an appointment, I lay down on the couch too exhausted to go upstairs. She decided that my house needed a clean. I will admit that it did and does as I am a really bad housekeeper. I tried to beg her not too but she just started, all the time giving me a running commentary of how disgusting my house is and how I should be ashamed of myself (Note: this was dirty dishes and undusted window sills, not a hoarder type thing). I just wanted to sleep, but couldn't relax at all with her there, while at the same time being physically incapable of walking or even raising my voice above a whisper. I ended up crawling crying to the kitchen attempting to beg her to just leave. Eventually she did in a huff about how ungrateful I am and I collapsed to sleep on my kitchen floor for 5 hours until my son got home. I have never allowed her into my house again.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: crella on March 09, 2014, 09:47:59 PM
I'm amazed at the similar experiences we've had, and how similar the reactions of the 'helpers' are!! My brother is big on helping but it doesn't always turn out well.  He piled china and pots in the dish rack over a row of crystal glasses and the glasses crushed/collapsed under the weight. He cleaned the dining room unasked one day while I was at work and dropped and smashed one of the fluted glass parts of the light, so we had one exposed light bulb as we could not order a replacement for the imported light.

Undeterred, and despite my saying 'You don't have to do the dishes' 'Just leave those there, I'll get to it' he has insisted on scooping up the dishes as soon as the last forkful was swallowed any time we had a family dinner, often when we had wine left in our glasses and there was still food on the table. I asked time and time again for him to stop. For Christmas I cook for hours, and days, before and I want to just enjoy a leisurely meal and not have my plate whisked and the crashingly rapid 'see how well I clean up' tornado begin. My sink has scratch marks from steel wool, the pink coating has been scrubbed off two of my grandmothers pink King's Crown glassware (inexpensive mass-produced glassware, but the glasses my grandparents used for cider every Thanksgiving). I raised my voice on two occasions after YEARS of polite requests for him to stay out of the kitchen, and got 'But I'm just trying to be a nice guy!', and he was quite put out about it.

You aren't 'being a nice guy' if-

You're breaking things
You're pressuring people who want to relax
You don't respect me in my home

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Mel the Redcap on March 10, 2014, 05:53:57 AM
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

I just made a high-pitched "Hngggeeeennnnnnnnngh!!!!!" sort of noise!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: crella on March 10, 2014, 06:47:54 AM
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

I just made a high-pitched "Hngggeeeennnnnnnnngh!!!!!" sort of noise!

Oh, I know, isn't that too awful?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on March 10, 2014, 09:26:37 AM
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

I just made a high-pitched "Hngggeeeennnnnnnnngh!!!!!" sort of noise!

Oh, I know, isn't that too awful?

Crella, I think you get the "Understatement of the Month" award.

I keep wondering how much money that will cost Julian's estate in the long run.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Thipu1 on March 10, 2014, 10:43:42 AM
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

I just made a high-pitched "Hngggeeeennnnnnnnngh!!!!!" sort of noise!

That is truly painful. 

How could she not have figured out that all those stamps were all in little bags for a reason? 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: veronaz on March 10, 2014, 11:22:21 AM
Sometimes when I go grocery shopping a friend comes with me.  I always have my list and she rarely needs to get anything for herself.  We usually just have coffee, or a bite to eat then go to the store.

As I get my items, I sometimes quietly say what the next item is.  “Detergent, aisle 12”, etc. or whatever.  When we reach the area she will call out the various brands or even suggest a different one.   She does it several times with various items.  I say “Oh, I know the brands” as I reach for what I want.  She makes suggestions as to what type of pickles, margarine, etc. I should buy.

Um……I’ve been grocery shopping for decades, and I do know what I want to buy.  I don’t need suggestions for alternates and it's annoying to listen to her call out every brand on the shelves.  ::)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: kherbert05 on March 10, 2014, 11:54:24 AM
Quote
the hostess who took the honey-glazed spiral ham brought by her brother or brother in law, trimmed it down and served it as slices of ham because no one needed the fat or the sugar!
I read this to DH. His jaw dropped and he turned red with rage! (He blushes easily, and is a teddy bear.) We loves us some Honey Baked Ham.

Back on topic: In this case, the help offered was very good, and could have been badly needed by someone else.

I'm pretty sure I've told this before. I had fallen off a horse, and was badly bruised all up one side. About a week later, when all the bruises were beautifully colored, I sneezed. That's how I found out I had broken a couple of ribs in the same fall. Of course, it was the middle of the night, and DH was asleep, and I had to wake him up to take me to the ED.

He gets mad when I am hurt - mad because I am hurt, not mad at me. When he is really mad, he looks dangerous, as if he might explode violently any second. It can be really scary to anyone who doesn't know him. So, during intake, he is sitting back, angry, while I am talking to the very nice male nurse. He noticed the old bruises and my explosive-looking DH, and leaned in to quietly ask me, "Do you need a safe place to stay tonight?" Deity bless him! It made me laugh, which hurt. But I thanked him warmly all the same.
<Snip>
Doesn't any woman or child that goes in to the ER with bruises/broken bones not directly attributable to something like a car accident get asked that question.


The only time Sis wasn't asked that was when she broke both her knees skiing and was rescued by the ski patrol. Both broken wrists, dislocated knee, broken leg, and broken foot she was asked if she was safe at home. (She is she also doesn't have thinning bones)


Same with several other female relatives.

I've gone to the ER with workman's comp paperwork after a fall - and been asked if I was safe at home. I've even been asked when getting treated for allergic reactions - and had no bruises/marks not even discoloration from my skin disorder.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on March 10, 2014, 11:57:46 AM
Actually, nowadays that ask that almost as a matter of routine.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: wolfie on March 10, 2014, 12:00:53 PM
Do they ask that of men too?
Last time I was at the docs they didn't ask me that. I went in with a broken toe - he just asked how I broke it.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: veronaz on March 10, 2014, 12:01:23 PM
Quote
Doesn't any woman or child that goes in to the ER with bruises/broken bones not directly attributable to something like a car accident get asked that question.

Couple years ago I fell and hurt my shoulder and wrist…….no broken bones but got very sore so I went to ER next morning.  At intake, I was asked if there was domestic violence in the home.  I understand it’s something they’re trained to ask and they’re just trying to help.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: redcat on March 10, 2014, 12:13:26 PM
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on March 10, 2014, 12:20:37 PM
I used to date a guy who was a Grill Master.  He used a dry rub, lots of smoke, and took his time.  These ribs were heavenly.  So at a big family summer party, his BIL decided to help him.  BIL took several (refrigerated) bottles of BBQ sauce, dumped them over everything, and set it on the table.  Now BF had been planning to heat up the sauce, and serve it on the side for those who wanted it.

But now we had icy cold ribs slathered with the sauce.  I was so angry. BF's way, people had a choice.  BIL's way, it was his way or no way.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: PastryGoddess on March 10, 2014, 12:24:19 PM
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

Not the OP, but in my experiences pies brought to share at a potluck are dessert items.  I've made and had savory pies before but I usually don't bring them to potlucks
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: DragonKitty on March 10, 2014, 12:42:40 PM
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

Not the OP, but in my experiences pies brought to share at a potluck are dessert items.  I've made and had savory pies before but I usually don't bring them to potlucks

Or if you are bringing it to a potluck, for heaven's sake, *label* it.   Or bring a card stating the contents.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: mime on March 10, 2014, 01:11:26 PM
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

I just read this one to my stamp collecting DH. "Where is she buried?", he would like to know.  :o

I'm not a stamp collector, and don't know any, but my *gasp* upon reading that was audible enough for my coworkers to wonder what was wrong!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: learningtofly on March 10, 2014, 01:30:37 PM
I used to date a guy who was a Grill Master.  He used a dry rub, lots of smoke, and took his time.  These ribs were heavenly.  So at a big family summer party, his BIL decided to help him.  BIL took several (refrigerated) bottles of BBQ sauce, dumped them over everything, and set it on the table.  Now BF had been planning to heat up the sauce, and serve it on the side for those who wanted it.

But now we had icy cold ribs slathered with the sauce.  I was so angry. BF's way, people had a choice.  BIL's way, it was his way or no way.

Oh my jaw just dropped.  DH does ribs like that and they are heavenly.  I think anyone who dumped cold sauce on them would be chased off the property with a grill brush.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 10, 2014, 01:33:57 PM
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

We really just don't "do" savory pies in the US.  Most people would know what chicken pot pie and maybe shepherds pie are, but those are very definite exceptions - and (apart from chicken pot pie) pretty much any savory pie you might find here would be considered a British (i.e. "ethnic") dish.  We definitely don't do the combination of meat + sweet that y'all have over there - an English friend brought some mince pies to a Christmas party and nearly everyone thought they were really odd.  (I loved them, but then I do love sweet dishes in just about every variety . . .)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 10, 2014, 01:35:01 PM
Quote
Doesn't any woman or child that goes in to the ER with bruises/broken bones not directly attributable to something like a car accident get asked that question.

Couple years ago I fell and hurt my shoulder and wrist…….no broken bones but got very sore so I went to ER next morning.  At intake, I was asked if there was domestic violence in the home.  I understand it’s something they’re trained to ask and they’re just trying to help.

In my experience of taking kids to ER they will ask several times what happened because they want to be sure they get the same question each time.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Sara Crewe on March 10, 2014, 01:41:43 PM
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

We really just don't "do" savory pies in the US.  Most people would know what chicken pot pie and maybe shepherds pie are, but those are very definite exceptions - and (apart from chicken pot pie) pretty much any savory pie you might find here would be considered a British (i.e. "ethnic") dish.  We definitely don't do the combination of meat + sweet that y'all have over there - an English friend brought some mince pies to a Christmas party and nearly everyone thought they were really odd.  (I loved them, but then I do love sweet dishes in just about every variety . . .)

But mince pies don't contain meat ( which isn't to say they are necessarily vegetarian lard and suet may be in the recipe)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: jedikaiti on March 10, 2014, 01:44:47 PM
Quote
the hostess who took the honey-glazed spiral ham brought by her brother or brother in law, trimmed it down and served it as slices of ham because no one needed the fat or the sugar!
I read this to DH. His jaw dropped and he turned red with rage! (He blushes easily, and is a teddy bear.) We loves us some Honey Baked Ham.

Back on topic: In this case, the help offered was very good, and could have been badly needed by someone else.

I'm pretty sure I've told this before. I had fallen off a horse, and was badly bruised all up one side. About a week later, when all the bruises were beautifully colored, I sneezed. That's how I found out I had broken a couple of ribs in the same fall. Of course, it was the middle of the night, and DH was asleep, and I had to wake him up to take me to the ED.

He gets mad when I am hurt - mad because I am hurt, not mad at me. When he is really mad, he looks dangerous, as if he might explode violently any second. It can be really scary to anyone who doesn't know him. So, during intake, he is sitting back, angry, while I am talking to the very nice male nurse. He noticed the old bruises and my explosive-looking DH, and leaned in to quietly ask me, "Do you need a safe place to stay tonight?" Deity bless him! It made me laugh, which hurt. But I thanked him warmly all the same.
<Snip>
Doesn't any woman or child that goes in to the ER with bruises/broken bones not directly attributable to something like a car accident get asked that question.

I went to the ER with a leg cramp (it really was that bad) and got asked "Are you safe in your home" before they would let DH see me.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Editeer on March 10, 2014, 01:56:10 PM
What kills me is the number of "helpful" people who can't understand why a person was upset over having their possessions destroyed because they were "just trying to help." How oblivious can someone be?

This gives me chills because I had an ex who specialized in this kind of thing. It went like this:

X destroys something of mine.
I object.
X spits: "I was just trying to help!!!"
X now has an excuse to be angry at ME. And I am guilty for making X mad.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: RubyCat on March 10, 2014, 02:04:00 PM
Quote
the hostess who took the honey-glazed spiral ham brought by her brother or brother in law, trimmed it down and served it as slices of ham because no one needed the fat or the sugar!
I read this to DH. His jaw dropped and he turned red with rage! (He blushes easily, and is a teddy bear.) We loves us some Honey Baked Ham.

Back on topic: In this case, the help offered was very good, and could have been badly needed by someone else.

I'm pretty sure I've told this before. I had fallen off a horse, and was badly bruised all up one side. About a week later, when all the bruises were beautifully colored, I sneezed. That's how I found out I had broken a couple of ribs in the same fall. Of course, it was the middle of the night, and DH was asleep, and I had to wake him up to take me to the ED.

He gets mad when I am hurt - mad because I am hurt, not mad at me. When he is really mad, he looks dangerous, as if he might explode violently any second. It can be really scary to anyone who doesn't know him. So, during intake, he is sitting back, angry, while I am talking to the very nice male nurse. He noticed the old bruises and my explosive-looking DH, and leaned in to quietly ask me, "Do you need a safe place to stay tonight?" Deity bless him! It made me laugh, which hurt. But I thanked him warmly all the same.
<Snip>
Doesn't any woman or child that goes in to the ER with bruises/broken bones not directly attributable to something like a car accident get asked that question.

I went to the ER with a leg cramp (it really was that bad) and got asked "Are you safe in your home" before they would let DH see me.

Where I work, we are required to screen each patient for domestic violence or neglect as part of our admission process. We are also required to screen for depression and suicide risk. Some people are taken aback, and at least one was offended at first, but I try to explain that we ask these questions of everyone and are not singling them out.

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: squeakers on March 10, 2014, 02:11:47 PM
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

We really just don't "do" savory pies in the US.  Most people would know what chicken pot pie and maybe shepherds pie are, but those are very definite exceptions - and (apart from chicken pot pie) pretty much any savory pie you might find here would be considered a British (i.e. "ethnic") dish.  We definitely don't do the combination of meat + sweet that y'all have over there - an English friend brought some mince pies to a Christmas party and nearly everyone thought they were really odd.  (I loved them, but then I do love sweet dishes in just about every variety . . .)

But mince pies don't contain meat ( which isn't to say they are necessarily vegetarian lard and suet may be in the recipe)

They are supposed to have meat.  Now they are mainly a fruit pie but when they were still called "minced meat pies" they were made from delicious meat. http://whatscookingamerica.net/History/PieHistory/MincemeatPie.htm
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Coralreef on March 10, 2014, 02:21:52 PM
The EX was known to interfere with cooking.  He would lower the oven temperature if you turned your back.  Then complain the meat wasn't cooked enough.  Also adding ingredients that didn't belong to the dish.  He would do that everywhere and anywhere, not just at home. 

DD and her DH will follow instructions to the letter, so they're the only ones allowed in my kitchen for now. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: zyrs on March 10, 2014, 03:01:34 PM
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

I just read this one to my stamp collecting DH. "Where is she buried?", he would like to know.  :o

I believe she is still alive - we did end up breaking up soon after though.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Sara Crewe on March 10, 2014, 04:01:15 PM
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

We really just don't "do" savory pies in the US.  Most people would know what chicken pot pie and maybe shepherds pie are, but those are very definite exceptions - and (apart from chicken pot pie) pretty much any savory pie you might find here would be considered a British (i.e. "ethnic") dish.  We definitely don't do the combination of meat + sweet that y'all have over there - an English friend brought some mince pies to a Christmas party and nearly everyone thought they were really odd.  (I loved them, but then I do love sweet dishes in just about every variety . . .)

But mince pies don't contain meat ( which isn't to say they are necessarily vegetarian lard and suet may be in the recipe)

They are supposed to have meat.  Now they are mainly a fruit pie but when they were still called "minced meat pies" they were made from delicious meat. http://whatscookingamerica.net/History/PieHistory/MincemeatPie.htm

I know that traditionally (as in centuries ago) they had meat, but in the UK, the mince pies we eat in bulk each Christmas don't and I certainly wouldn't say they were supposed to (I suppose this is another UK/US difference like expecting coffee cake to taste of coffee)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: nayberry on March 10, 2014, 04:06:18 PM
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

We really just don't "do" savory pies in the US.  Most people would know what chicken pot pie and maybe shepherds pie are, but those are very definite exceptions - and (apart from chicken pot pie) pretty much any savory pie you might find here would be considered a British (i.e. "ethnic") dish.  We definitely don't do the combination of meat + sweet that y'all have over there - an English friend brought some mince pies to a Christmas party and nearly everyone thought they were really odd.  (I loved them, but then I do love sweet dishes in just about every variety . . .)

But mince pies don't contain meat ( which isn't to say they are necessarily vegetarian lard and suet may be in the recipe)

They are supposed to have meat.  Now they are mainly a fruit pie but when they were still called "minced meat pies" they were made from delicious meat. http://whatscookingamerica.net/History/PieHistory/MincemeatPie.htm

I know that traditionally (as in centuries ago) they had meat, but in the UK, the mince pies we eat in bulk each Christmas don't and I certainly wouldn't say they were supposed to (I suppose this is another UK/US difference like expecting coffee cake to taste of coffee)


the Mince pies we have at christmas  are evolved from these, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mince_pie   many years ago, ie cromwellian times, they had meat but by the time the victorian era came about they'd changed to be the sweet pies we know nowadays
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: aiki on March 10, 2014, 04:09:51 PM
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

We really just don't "do" savory pies in the US.  Most people would know what chicken pot pie and maybe shepherds pie are, but those are very definite exceptions - and (apart from chicken pot pie) pretty much any savory pie you might find here would be considered a British (i.e. "ethnic") dish.  We definitely don't do the combination of meat + sweet that y'all have over there - an English friend brought some mince pies to a Christmas party and nearly everyone thought they were really odd.  (I loved them, but then I do love sweet dishes in just about every variety . . .)

But mince pies don't contain meat ( which isn't to say they are necessarily vegetarian lard and suet may be in the recipe)

They used to - but I think that's only done by historically inclined foodies today.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/10476667/Potted-histories-mince-pies.html
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MommyPenguin on March 10, 2014, 04:11:14 PM
Do they ask that of men too?
Last time I was at the docs they didn't ask me that. I went in with a broken toe - he just asked how I broke it.

My husband has been asked this, so at least sometimes men are asked as well.

I went in with a toe I thought was broken, and another time with a bump on my ankle that they initially thought was a stress fracture, and neither time was I asked.  I think sometimes it might be the nature of the injury, and other times the procedures of that particular ER/hospital/doctor's office, perhaps also influenced by the area/clientele.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: perpetua on March 10, 2014, 06:15:44 PM
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

We really just don't "do" savory pies in the US.  Most people would know what chicken pot pie and maybe shepherds pie are, but those are very definite exceptions - and (apart from chicken pot pie) pretty much any savory pie you might find here would be considered a British (i.e. "ethnic") dish.  We definitely don't do the combination of meat + sweet that y'all have over there - an English friend brought some mince pies to a Christmas party and nearly everyone thought they were really odd.  (I loved them, but then I do love sweet dishes in just about every variety . . .)

But mince pies don't contain meat ( which isn't to say they are necessarily vegetarian lard and suet may be in the recipe)

They used to - but I think that's only done by historically inclined foodies today.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/10476667/Potted-histories-mince-pies.html

We do have pies that contain mince - usually mince and onion - but they're not the same thing as 'mince pies'. Mince pies are sweet and what you have at Christmas and contain 'mincemeat'. It's a different thing.

('Mince' is what we call the thing that you guys call 'ground beef'.)

We have lots of different kinds of savoury pies over here. Minced beef and onion, steak and ale, chicken and mushroom, chicken and leek, steak and kidney - all sorts. If it's got meat and veg in it, it can probably be fashioned into some kind of pie :)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: aiki on March 10, 2014, 07:36:49 PM
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

We really just don't "do" savory pies in the US.  Most people would know what chicken pot pie and maybe shepherds pie are, but those are very definite exceptions - and (apart from chicken pot pie) pretty much any savory pie you might find here would be considered a British (i.e. "ethnic") dish.  We definitely don't do the combination of meat + sweet that y'all have over there - an English friend brought some mince pies to a Christmas party and nearly everyone thought they were really odd.  (I loved them, but then I do love sweet dishes in just about every variety . . .)

But mince pies don't contain meat ( which isn't to say they are necessarily vegetarian lard and suet may be in the recipe)

They used to - but I think that's only done by historically inclined foodies today.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/10476667/Potted-histories-mince-pies.html

We do have pies that contain mince - usually mince and onion - but they're not the same thing as 'mince pies'. Mince pies are sweet and what you have at Christmas and contain 'mincemeat'. It's a different thing.

('Mince' is what we call the thing that you guys call 'ground beef'.)

We have lots of different kinds of savoury pies over here. Minced beef and onion, steak and ale, chicken and mushroom, chicken and leek, steak and kidney - all sorts. If it's got meat and veg in it, it can probably be fashioned into some kind of pie :)

Heh. I'm a New Zealander. I am fully cognizant of the glories of meat encased in pastry, in all of its various forms. My personal fave is a good Steak and Cheese. But yes, a mince pie and a Christmas mince pie are two entirely different things. :)

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Firecat on March 10, 2014, 07:47:01 PM
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

We really just don't "do" savory pies in the US.  Most people would know what chicken pot pie and maybe shepherds pie are, but those are very definite exceptions - and (apart from chicken pot pie) pretty much any savory pie you might find here would be considered a British (i.e. "ethnic") dish.  We definitely don't do the combination of meat + sweet that y'all have over there - an English friend brought some mince pies to a Christmas party and nearly everyone thought they were really odd.  (I loved them, but then I do love sweet dishes in just about every variety . . .)

But mince pies don't contain meat ( which isn't to say they are necessarily vegetarian lard and suet may be in the recipe)

They used to - but I think that's only done by historically inclined foodies today.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/10476667/Potted-histories-mince-pies.html

We do have pies that contain mince - usually mince and onion - but they're not the same thing as 'mince pies'. Mince pies are sweet and what you have at Christmas and contain 'mincemeat'. It's a different thing.

('Mince' is what we call the thing that you guys call 'ground beef'.)

We have lots of different kinds of savoury pies over here. Minced beef and onion, steak and ale, chicken and mushroom, chicken and leek, steak and kidney - all sorts. If it's got meat and veg in it, it can probably be fashioned into some kind of pie :)

Our favorite pub (I'm in Minnesota) just had a British pie week...they had a ham and three cheese, a mince and onion, I think one with lamb, and a few others. I've had a lovely steak and mushroom pie there, too.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MizA on March 10, 2014, 08:39:06 PM
Do they ask that of men too?
Last time I was at the docs they didn't ask me that. I went in with a broken toe - he just asked how I broke it.

Just to revisit this question- it varies from place to place, but where I live, we ask this question of everyone we admit to hospital, regardless of sex.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: lilfox on March 10, 2014, 08:49:46 PM
A while ago I started making hash brown scramble for DD and myself for brunch a few times a month.  I buy frozen potato shreds (literally shredded potato, no added seasoning) and fry them up, add scrambled egg and sometimes crumbled bacon.  I also like to cook things with as raw and natural ingredients as possible these days, to make up for my own decades of lousy eating and instill good habits in DD.

DH decides that it would be healthier if I used fresh potatoes, and gets me a salad shooter that has a special potato shredding blade set. Here's how it works:


So, to sum up:  DH gave me an appliance that allows me to use fresh potatoes and more than doubles the time and effort of my "easy" brunch meal.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: whatsanenigma on March 10, 2014, 08:58:03 PM
A while ago I started making hash brown scramble for DD and myself for brunch a few times a month.  I buy frozen potato shreds (literally shredded potato, no added seasoning) and fry them up, add scrambled egg and sometimes crumbled bacon.  I also like to cook things with as raw and natural ingredients as possible these days, to make up for my own decades of lousy eating and instill good habits in DD.

DH decides that it would be healthier if I used fresh potatoes, and gets me a salad shooter that has a special potato shredding blade set. Here's how it works:

  • First, I assemble the thing, which has 5 parts.
    Then, I wash and peel the potatoes, and possibly cut into chunks to fit down the feeder chute.
    Then I shred, aiming the 'spout' into a colander while simultaneously pushing the potato pieces down in a smooth motion.
    Then I bang the spout against the colander because the shreds do not shoot into the bowl on their own.
    Then I partially disassemble the device to get out the shreds that are stuck to the inside of the spout, the blades, and the feeder tube.  (This includes one or more large misshapen chunks that somehow refused to shred.)
    Then I rinse the shreds and try to dry them because otherwise they will mush together when I go to fry them.
    Oh, then I get to finally fry them, where they will still kind of mush because it is really hard to sufficiently dry a waterlogged mound of potato shreds.
    And last, I completely disassemble the device in order to clean it while the shreds are frying because I now have that kind of time, since it takes 2x longer to fry up fresh shreds than frozen.

So, to sum up:  DH gave me an appliance that allows me to use fresh potatoes and more than doubles the time and effort of my "easy" brunch meal.

Maybe you could shred potatoes in advance and freeze them? You still will be starting with fresh potatoes.  Maybe DH is worried about added salt or something in the ones you buy? (And maybe has never read the label, but still.)

Don't get me wrong, I do think this was a very nonhelpful way for him to help! He should have discussed it with you before buying the darn thing.  I'm just suggesting a way that you can make the best of the situation.  When life gives you a potato shredder, make frozen shredded potatoes, so to speak.   :)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: doodlemor on March 10, 2014, 09:18:46 PM
  When life gives you a potato shredder, make frozen shredded potatoes, so to speak.   :)

I would like to paraphrase whatsanenigma's advice to:  When husband gives you a potato shredder, husband makes frozen shredded potatoes.

Am I the only one who still has an old fashioned box grater?  It seems to me that the coarse side of that would make shredded potatoes without such a clean up mess.  The frozen shreds sound like the best deal, though.  It's unlikely that eating frozen potatoes several times a month would be lethal.

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: SCAJAfamily on March 10, 2014, 09:20:08 PM
That reminds me when dh and I had been dating about a year and we walked through a Target and I randomly said "look a bread maker."  Six months later he bought me a bread maker for Christmas.  He thought he was doing a great job of reading me.  Actually I just pointed it out.  Then I felt guilty and felt I should make breads even though I had no desire to do so.

I love him so much (married for 15 years).
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: whatsanenigma on March 10, 2014, 09:33:35 PM
  When life gives you a potato shredder, make frozen shredded potatoes, so to speak.   :)

I would like to paraphrase whatsanenigma's advice to:  When husband gives you a potato shredder, husband makes frozen shredded potatoes.

Am I the only one who still has an old fashioned box grater?  It seems to me that the coarse side of that would make shredded potatoes without such a clean up mess.  The frozen shreds sound like the best deal, though.  It's unlikely that eating frozen potatoes several times a month would be lethal.

Ah, that could work well too! He can do the shredding in advance and then she can do the cooking as usual.

And I actually have one of those box graters, but I am always worried about scraping my knuckles or fingertips.  I've only used it for cheese and I end up "hand shredding" those last few bits so I don't get blood in the cheese, LOL.  But maybe some people are more graceful than I am.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: crella on March 10, 2014, 09:34:55 PM
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

I just made a high-pitched "Hngggeeeennnnnnnnngh!!!!!" sort of noise!

Oh, I know, isn't that too awful?

Crella, I think you get the "Understatement of the Month" award.

I keep wondering how much money that will cost Julian's estate in the long run.


 :D :D :D I made the same noise, though, believe me! I just can't get my head around someone doing that.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: PastryGoddess on March 10, 2014, 10:24:46 PM
  When life gives you a potato shredder, make frozen shredded potatoes, so to speak.   :)

I would like to paraphrase whatsanenigma's advice to:  When husband gives you a potato shredder, husband makes frozen shredded potatoes.

Am I the only one who still has an old fashioned box grater?  It seems to me that the coarse side of that would make shredded potatoes without such a clean up mess.  The frozen shreds sound like the best deal, though.  It's unlikely that eating frozen potatoes several times a month would be lethal.

Ah, that could work well too! He can do the shredding in advance and then she can do the cooking as usual.

And I actually have one of those box graters, but I am always worried about scraping my knuckles or fingertips.  I've only used it for cheese and I end up "hand shredding" those last few bits so I don't get blood in the cheese, LOL.  But maybe some people are more graceful than I am.

I don't like single use gadgets, but they make plastic handles with spikes that are designed to hold food that's being grated.  They are $1-$2 each and I saw them at Bed Bath and Beyond lately. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: jedikaiti on March 10, 2014, 11:13:29 PM
  When life gives you a potato shredder, make frozen shredded potatoes, so to speak.   :)

I would like to paraphrase whatsanenigma's advice to:  When husband gives you a potato shredder, husband makes frozen shredded potatoes.

Am I the only one who still has an old fashioned box grater?  It seems to me that the coarse side of that would make shredded potatoes without such a clean up mess.  The frozen shreds sound like the best deal, though.  It's unlikely that eating frozen potatoes several times a month would be lethal.

Ah, that could work well too! He can do the shredding in advance and then she can do the cooking as usual.

And I actually have one of those box graters, but I am always worried about scraping my knuckles or fingertips.  I've only used it for cheese and I end up "hand shredding" those last few bits so I don't get blood in the cheese, LOL.  But maybe some people are more graceful than I am.

My husband likes to make hash browns, and his favorite method is to bake off the potatoes the night before, then hand-grate right before cooking.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: snowfire on March 10, 2014, 11:48:12 PM
If you  happen to have a salad spinner, it works great on shredded potatoes for hash browns.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: baglady on March 11, 2014, 12:15:20 AM
Say "pie" to the average American, and s/he will think of a sweet dessert. Non-dessert (savory) pies are not unheard of here, but unless they are prefaced with "pot" or "shepherd's," we will assume that a pie is dessert. (And shepherd's pie isn't really a pie by our standards, because it doesn't have a pie crust. BTW, when I was a tyke, the school cafeteria called shepherd's pie "Chinese pie." Go figure. I've never seen mashed potatoes in a real Chinese dish.)

The other exception is pizza, but IME "pie" is only used in the ordering process: "I'd like a large pie with mushrooms and anchovies."

It was only when my job as a copy editor had me dealing with Canadian and British content that I learned "savoury" meant "not sweet." For decades before that, I'd assumed it was just a synonym for "tasty."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: JustEstelle on March 11, 2014, 12:57:05 AM


Doesn't any woman or child that goes in to the ER with bruises/broken bones not directly attributable to something like a car accident get asked that question.



No.  I broke my left wrist from tripping over the cat and falling.  DH took me to the ER and I explained to them what happened.  I did not get asked if I was safe at home. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Katana_Geldar on March 11, 2014, 01:21:59 AM
This thread has me thinking about pie, we make small chicken pies, beef pies or shepherds pies here and haven't for a while.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Bethalize on March 11, 2014, 03:21:39 AM
Meat pies should be decorated. Fruit pies shouldn't be decorated.

That's one of those bits of received wisdom that has disappeared over the last 40 years. *sigh*
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Katana_Geldar on March 11, 2014, 03:27:03 AM
I think fruit pies should have sugar on top, easier to tell that way.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Free Range Hippy Chick on March 11, 2014, 04:46:07 AM
Meat pies should be decorated. Fruit pies shouldn't be decorated.

That's one of those bits of received wisdom that has disappeared over the last 40 years. *sigh*

I've never heard that one! And if anything, my mother did it the other way around - desserts were decorated, main course wasn't. I think too that she tended to say 'pie' for savoury and 'tart' for sweet, although that also introduces the question of whether there's pastry only on top, or underneath as well.

For me, shepherd's pie doesn't come into the discussion because it isn't made with pastry at all, it's topped with mashed potato, but I've met someone whose shepherd's pie was basically lamb mince topped with pastry. Is cottage pie specific to the UK? As far as I'm concerned it's the same as shepherd's pie (potato topping) but beef mince rather than lamb.

Note to self: if taking pie to anything, add label.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: 123sandy on March 11, 2014, 05:14:02 AM

[/quote]

I've never heard that one! And if anything, my mother did it the other way around - desserts were decorated, main course wasn't. I think too that she tended to say 'pie' for savoury and 'tart' for sweet, although that also introduces the question of whether there's pastry only on top, or underneath as well.

For me, shepherd's pie doesn't come into the discussion because it isn't made with pastry at all, it's topped with mashed potato, but I've met someone whose shepherd's pie was basically lamb mince topped with pastry. Is cottage pie specific to the UK? As far as I'm concerned it's the same as shepherd's pie (potato topping) but beef mince rather than lamb.

Note to self: if taking pie to anything, add label.
[/quote]

I was taught the same about shepherds pie and cottage pie.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: laud_shy_girl on March 11, 2014, 05:15:53 AM
I think with Pie 'sweet or not' it is advisable to label it, otherwise people just wont know what it is until they tuck in.

You really don't want to start eating a pie only to realise that it's apple or rhubarb and in fact you hate apple/rhubarb, or worse are allergic to it.

As far as decorating, if I make a chicken pie I put little pastry hens on top. If it's an apple pie I put a pastry apple, although dancing pastry rhubarb might confuse somewhat.

lilfox the trick to stopping fresh potatoes from mushing is to squeeze out as much water as you can before cooking. I use a muslin and DH to do that bit, I also use a greater, although I have an attachment for my food processor. To save my hands I use the universal attachment known as DH. :D  I may be stealing the idea of freezing the potatoes though.

As for "Stop helping me" when DH and I are tidying he will pick up something that is mine (a peace of paper for eg) and try and hand it to me. doesn't matter what I am doing, he wants me to take it from him.

'Why of course I will take that important document that must be dealt with "right this second" while I am elbow deep in dish water."
Why he can't just put it in the pile of things on the dresser that I will go through when I have a few minuets (which I pointed out before he even started to help as the 'if you don't know pile') and do something else like, Oh I don't know... pick up toys? chuck a load in the washer? vacuum? you know the things that are actually useful.

In fact his entire "help laud tidy" seems to be "bring all the things to laud!"

edit because I can spell my own name honest.

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: iridaceae on March 11, 2014, 05:41:16 AM
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

Pies are almost always sweet here (Dean Winchester's pie lust is definitely for sweet pies)-  if someone was talking about a savory pie here in the US and was American I would think they came from an area that was mainly settled by people from the UK and it stayed a tradition there or that they were Anglophiles.   Or they found an Irish Pub in the neighborhood.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Free Range Hippy Chick on March 11, 2014, 06:22:27 AM
Just in passing, there are few phrases as terrifying to a parent as the cry from knee level of 'I helping!'

Followed a month or two later by 'I can do it mine own self!'
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Morticia on March 11, 2014, 07:37:56 AM
...

As for "Stop helping me" when DH and I are tidying he will pick up something that is mine (a peace of paper for eg) and try and hand it to me. doesn't matter what I am doing, he wants me to take it from him.

'Why of course I will take that important document that must be dealt with "right this second" while I am elbow deep in dish water."
Why he can't just put it in the pile of things on the dresser that I will go through when I have a few minuets (which I pointed out before he even started to help as the 'if you don't know pile') and do something else like, Oh I don't know... pick up toys? chuck a load in the washer? vacuum? you know the things that are actually useful.

In fact his entire "help laud tidy" seems to be "bring all the things to laud!"

edit because I can spell my own name honest.

This happens to me all the time. I still remember being baffled by my Dad trying to hand me my purse while my first arm is going into my coat sleeve. DH and DS have also done this to me. I have no idea why this is supposed to be helpful, or what thought process brings this on.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Coralreef on March 11, 2014, 07:53:56 AM
Just in passing, there are few phrases as terrifying to a parent as the cry from knee level of 'I helping!'

Followed a month or two later by 'I can do it mine own self!'

You forgot when older child tells younger child : "I have a GOOD idea!"  Mom better be wearing running shoes  ;)

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: acicularis on March 11, 2014, 08:14:33 AM
I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

As a fellow stamp collector, I winced at reading that.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: acicularis on March 11, 2014, 09:53:18 AM
My oldest daughter is in a wheelchair, and people are always wanting to "help" us. It's nice that they want to help, really it is. But so often, the help that they give is not terribly helpful. I can't believe how many people try to help by just grabbing without asking. Except in the case of an emergency, it's not OK to grab someone's wheelchair and just start pushing!

Like the time we were leaving the grocery store, and an employee suddenly grabbed her wheelchair and started pushing her toward the exit. Her two year old sister started crying and trying to get out of the seat of the shopping cart because she saw some stranger taking her sister away. I told him to please stop, so his solution (again without asking) was to grab the shopping cart instead. The two year old then started screaming because Strange Scary Guy Who Tried to Steal Her Sister was now taking her away from Mommy!

I ended up having to carry my now frantic two year old and let my "helper" push the cart. This took longer and was harder than my usual method of pushing the wheelchair while pulling the cart behind me. It also made us much more conspicuous than necessary. Sometimes I get tired of being the center of attention, and would just like to be able to go about my business without everyone noticing. I realize we may have looked like we needed help, but you ASK how you can help, you don't just GRAB.

Then there's my brother's wedding. Again, I realize I looked like I needed help after the ceremony. In addition to my daughter being in a wheelchair,  I was massively pregnant.  Anyway, someone associated with the church decided I needed help and would not leave me alone. She saw me opening a side door and insisted "You can't go out that way!" I realize why she thought so, as there were a couple steps leading out. But the chair was very light, and the rear wheels small enough that we carefully bumped her down steps all the time. I had gone down those very steps the other day after the rehearsal.

I tried to explain that no, we were fine and didn't need help. She would not be dissuaded and insisted on taking us to the elevator. "No, I really don't want to take the elevator," I tried to explain. But she wouldn't listen. I foolishly thought if I just let her show me where the elevator was she'd leave me alone. But no, she took us right to the elevator. Insisted on getting on the elevator with us. And apparently intended to take us to my car, because she then asked "Where are you parked?" I gritted my teeth and said "I tried to tell you, I'm not going to my car. I was going to the front of the church to see the bride and groom come out." We were now downhill and behind the church, and lucky me, she wasn't finished helping me. I almost got away, but she enlisted someone else's help. I had made it most of the way, and was pushing the chair up a small incline, when this someone else grabbed the footrest and nearly broke it trying to pull the chair up the rest of the way. It was at this point I said "Please stop helping me!"

Another time I was hoisting her wheelchair into the car, and someone lurched forward into my space without warning. It scared the crap out of me, I was afraid I was going to hit him with the chair, and I tensed up and really hurt my back. "I was trying to help you," he explained when I asked him what the heck he was doing. Why he thought I needed help when I had already lifted the chair up, I'll never know.

There's the minor annoyance of people who try to help by holding a door open for us, but can't seem to open it wide enough, or position themselves in such a way that I can't get in without rolling over their feet. Or the people who see me pushing the door open with my butt (which I know must look strange, but it works!) and suddenly pull the door wide open and throw me off balance.

Her wheelchair used to have pelvic straps to keep her hips back. People who didn't know what they were would often helpfully move them out of the way just as I was putting her into the chair. It was the oddest thing, the way they'd just suddenly leap forward out of nowhere and move the straps I had only moments ago positioned correctly. "Please put those back," I'd say, and be answered with an injured "I was just trying to help."

And then there's the people who try to help by getting in my way as I'm trying to put her in her chair. I'm not really sure what they're doing, if they think an extra set of hands are needed, or if they think I'm going to drop her or something. But it drives me nuts! And just a couple weeks ago, after some xrays, I had someone keep moving her chair as I was getting ready to put her in!

Whew. As you can see, lots of pet peeves here.  ;D  Anyway, I guess the take away message  is "If you see someone in a wheelchair, or someone pushing a wheelchair, ask how you can help, don't just lurch forward or start grabbing stuff!"
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 11, 2014, 09:58:21 AM
A friend's seven-year-old son just got his first wheelchair - she's relieved it's got wheels that automatically lock unless HE wants to be pushed.  Apparently people see a kid in a wheelchair and just randomly walk up and start pushing on a regular basis!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Ms_Cellany on March 11, 2014, 10:14:51 AM
The Sweetie and I have a phrase for situations like all of these: "Stop helping!"

It works very well.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on March 11, 2014, 10:22:52 AM
Meat pies should be decorated. Fruit pies shouldn't be decorated.

That's one of those bits of received wisdom that has disappeared over the last 40 years. *sigh*

I've never heard that one! And if anything, my mother did it the other way around - desserts were decorated, main course wasn't.

This is actually more logical--dessert is the frivolous, "party" part of the meal, so it makes more sense that it  would be decorated. And the lattice pie crust has always been fruit, and that's decorative.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: camlan on March 11, 2014, 10:25:51 AM
The Sweetie and I have a phrase for situations like all of these: "Stop helping!"

It works very well.

I think this is a key point. In post after post on this thread, people have *asked* the "helper" to stop helping. Repeatedly.

I think it is time to stop asking. Start making short, declarative sentences that state exactly what you want the "helper" to do. Which is to stop helping.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: camlan on March 11, 2014, 10:37:31 AM

Whew. As you can see, lots of pet peeves here.  ;D  Anyway, I guess the take away message  is "If you see someone in a wheelchair, or someone pushing a wheelchair, ask how you can help, don't just lurch forward or start grabbing stuff!"

If you will allow me to amend this slightly.

If you see anyone with a visible disability, ask them if they need help, don't just move in to try and help them.

As I was told once by a friend who is blind, "I got there on my own. Why do all these people think I can't get back home on my own?" after a somewhat unsettling incident where someone tried to grab her guide dog when she was boarding public transit to return home after work.

I think this is a good point to remember. The person in the wheelchair might look as if they are struggling with the door. But they got themselves to the door--and they got themselves out of their house and to the building that has the door that they are currently struggling with. Chances are, they know how to open doors and go through them. It's probably something their physical or occupational therapist spent some time teaching them.

So did the person with crutches who is waiting for the traffic light. And the person with the guide dog waiting at the elevator.

If a person with a disability needs help, they will ask. If you aren't sure they are aware you are there, it's fine to ask if they need help.

When you see a person with a disability out and about, don't think about how hard it must be for them. Think instead of the hours and hours of therapy and/or training they have done in order to be as independent as possible. Grant them the dignity of using that independence.

Sorry to go off-topic. This is just a hot button issue with me.

Please return to your regularly scheduled thread topic.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: kherbert05 on March 11, 2014, 10:51:20 AM
My campus has 2 life skills units (K-2, and 3-5), and a PCPD (PK early intervention). The life skills kids are cognitively impaired, but many also have to use various mobility devices. PCPD kids have a wide range of needs for early intervention, and several use mobility devices. All our students are taught that the device is an extension of the person's personal space and not to be touched unless the person asks for help. 


We work a good deal on personal space. Many of our kids live in crowded situations and have a much smaller bubble that the average American. This can get them into trouble in the wider world because they make people uncomfortable.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Asharah on March 11, 2014, 10:55:55 AM
My oldest daughter is in a wheelchair, and people are always wanting to "help" us. It's nice that they want to help, really it is. But so often, the help that they give is not terribly helpful. I can't believe how many people try to help by just grabbing without asking. Except in the case of an emergency, it's not OK to grab someone's wheelchair and just start pushing!

Like the time we were leaving the grocery store, and an employee suddenly grabbed her wheelchair and started pushing her toward the exit. Her two year old sister started crying and trying to get out of the seat of the shopping cart because she saw some stranger taking her sister away. I told him to please stop, so his solution (again without asking) was to grab the shopping cart instead. The two year old then started screaming because Strange Scary Guy Who Tried to Steal Her Sister was now taking her away from Mommy!

I ended up having to carry my now frantic two year old and let my "helper" push the cart. This took longer and was harder than my usual method of pushing the wheelchair while pulling the cart behind me. It also made us much more conspicuous than necessary. Sometimes I get tired of being the center of attention, and would just like to be able to go about my business without everyone noticing. I realize we may have looked like we needed help, but you ASK how you can help, you don't just GRAB.

Then there's my brother's wedding. Again, I realize I looked like I needed help after the ceremony. In addition to my daughter being in a wheelchair,  I was massively pregnant.  Anyway, someone associated with the church decided I needed help and would not leave me alone. She saw me opening a side door and insisted "You can't go out that way!" I realize why she thought so, as there were a couple steps leading out. But the chair was very light, and the rear wheels small enough that we carefully bumped her down steps all the time. I had gone down those very steps the other day after the rehearsal.

I tried to explain that no, we were fine and didn't need help. She would not be dissuaded and insisted on taking us to the elevator. "No, I really don't want to take the elevator," I tried to explain. But she wouldn't listen. I foolishly thought if I just let her show me where the elevator was she'd leave me alone. But no, she took us right to the elevator. Insisted on getting on the elevator with us. And apparently intended to take us to my car, because she then asked "Where are you parked?" I gritted my teeth and said "I tried to tell you, I'm not going to my car. I was going to the front of the church to see the bride and groom come out." We were now downhill and behind the church, and lucky me, she wasn't finished helping me. I almost got away, but she enlisted someone else's help. I had made it most of the way, and was pushing the chair up a small incline, when this someone else grabbed the footrest and nearly broke it trying to pull the chair up the rest of the way. It was at this point I said "Please stop helping me!"

Another time I was hoisting her wheelchair into the car, and someone lurched forward into my space without warning. It scared the crap out of me, I was afraid I was going to hit him with the chair, and I tensed up and really hurt my back. "I was trying to help you," he explained when I asked him what the heck he was doing. Why he thought I needed help when I had already lifted the chair up, I'll never know.

There's the minor annoyance of people who try to help by holding a door open for us, but can't seem to open it wide enough, or position themselves in such a way that I can't get in without rolling over their feet. Or the people who see me pushing the door open with my butt (which I know must look strange, but it works!) and suddenly pull the door wide open and throw me off balance.

Her wheelchair used to have pelvic straps to keep her hips back. People who didn't know what they were would often helpfully move them out of the way just as I was putting her into the chair. It was the oddest thing, the way they'd just suddenly leap forward out of nowhere and move the straps I had only moments ago positioned correctly. "Please put those back," I'd say, and be answered with an injured "I was just trying to help."

And then there's the people who try to help by getting in my way as I'm trying to put her in her chair. I'm not really sure what they're doing, if they think an extra set of hands are needed, or if they think I'm going to drop her or something. But it drives me nuts! And just a couple weeks ago, after some xrays, I had someone keep moving her chair as I was getting ready to put her in!

Whew. As you can see, lots of pet peeves here.  ;D  Anyway, I guess the take away message  is "If you see someone in a wheelchair, or someone pushing a wheelchair, ask how you can help, don't just lurch forward or start grabbing stuff!"
How about a shirt that says "If I need help I WILL ASK!"
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Klein Bottle on March 11, 2014, 11:53:04 AM
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

Sorry, just saw this.  Why, yes I am American!    ;D  I totally forgot that savory pies are a staple in other parts of the world, and was looking at the situation through my own cultural lenses.  I apologize if that post came across as arrogant.  And now, I really want to try making a proper meat pie of some type.  I don't eat much meat, but my Anglophile son would love it.   ;)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Ms_Cellany on March 11, 2014, 11:56:10 AM
Beef Pot Pie:

Cut-up cooked beef
Cut-up carrots
Peas
Sauteed onions
Gravy

For crust:
Make 1 batch drop-biscuit dough

Put stuff in skillet. Pat out dough on top.

Cook.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: whatsanenigma on March 11, 2014, 12:02:38 PM
A friend's seven-year-old son just got his first wheelchair - she's relieved it's got wheels that automatically lock unless HE wants to be pushed.  Apparently people see a kid in a wheelchair and just randomly walk up and start pushing on a regular basis!

This reminds me, if my parents' cats could use the internet, they would have a good story to post here about my parents' dog Skyler.

Skyler is a young shetland sheepdog and is just bound and determined to herd those cats.  To where? No one knows.  And what is wrong with the location the cats are currently in? No one knows that either.  But that little dog wants to herd them somewhere, darn it!   But even the little dog doesn't seem to know where they should go or what is wrong with where the cats currently are.

It sounds so similar to what is going on with your kid in the wheelchair.  Some people just want to help, darn it.  He needs to be somewhere else.  Where? And what is wrong with where he is?  Nobody knows...not even those who want to help. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Free Range Hippy Chick on March 11, 2014, 12:07:52 PM
Beef Pot Pie:

Cut-up cooked beef
Cut-up carrots
Peas
Sauteed onions
Gravy

For crust:
Make 1 batch drop-biscuit dough

Put stuff in skillet. Pat out dough on top.

Cook.

If drop-biscuit dough is what I think it is, that's not a pie, that's a cobbler.

[Runs away and hides]
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Ms_Cellany on March 11, 2014, 12:08:50 PM
Beef Pot Pie:

Cut-up cooked beef
Cut-up carrots
Peas
Sauteed onions
Gravy

For crust:
Make 1 batch drop-biscuit dough

Put stuff in skillet. Pat out dough on top.

Cook.

If drop-biscuit dough is what I think it is, that's not a pie, that's a cobbler.

[Runs away and hides]

Beef Cobbler:

Cut-up cooked beef
Cut-up carrots
Peas
Sauteed onions
Gravy

For crust:
Make 1 batch drop-biscuit dough

Put stuff in skillet. Pat out dough on top.

Cook.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Outdoor Girl on March 11, 2014, 12:10:42 PM
I use the same pastry recipe for fruit pies as I do for meat pies and quiche, as it doesn't have any sugar in it.

I've had tortiere, which is a French Canadian traditional mince pie with ground beef and a spice blend.  I've had pot pies with beef, chicken, turkey, venison, moose and rabbit, all with some gravy in there so it runs out a bit when you cut into it.  And all of those have the same general contents as Ms_Cellany's 'recipe', with varying spices, depending on the contents.  I use savoury and sage for the turkey, for example.  All of these could potentially look like a fruit pie so yes, I would label them if I was taking them for a pot luck, even though it should be obvious because I'd bring a meat pie already warm and a fruit pie would be cool.

A pot pie with a side salad and a crusty loaf of bread for dinner?  Yum!

Being Canadian means we have a real mix of cultures when it comes to food and language.  We have the US influence, the British influence and the French influence.   :D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: camlan on March 11, 2014, 12:20:43 PM
A friend's seven-year-old son just got his first wheelchair - she's relieved it's got wheels that automatically lock unless HE wants to be pushed.  Apparently people see a kid in a wheelchair and just randomly walk up and start pushing on a regular basis!

This was such an issue when my nephew got his first wheelchair at the age of 3 that my brother ordered the next wheelchair with handles that can be removed. Unless they are needed, the handles are off the chair. An adult can still push the chair if needed, but most adults are so puzzled by the lack of handles that Nephew has time to get away from them, or if he wants to stay put, make his wishes known quite firmly.

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: daen on March 11, 2014, 12:37:43 PM
Re: pies.

Last Christmas, we were invited to an acquaintance's home for Christmas day, since we weren't going home for the holidays. We were served mincemeat pie (or rather, my husband was - I opted for pumpkin). The pie had the usual lard and dried fruits in it, but also contained small chunks of roast beef. This is the first time we'd ever had actual meat in a mincemeat pie. (This was in Pennsylvania.)

My mother made goose pie back in the day when my dad went hunting. And I occasionally make bacon and potato tarts. By and large, though, in my area, pies are assumed to be sweet/dessert. (The general reaction to goose pie by any guest was usually surprise that such a thing was possible. It is indeed possible, and quite tasty, especially with cranberry sauce.)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on March 11, 2014, 12:42:25 PM
An opposite story, showing the grace of a very young helper (sort of a male Candy-striper) in a hospital:

A family had come to visit the older child, but one parent had to stay in the lobby to take care of younger siblings (only 18 and up, even siblings). Father was blind and had never been to the hospital before. The Gracious Teen said he would like to help Dad get to visit the son and asked how to do that. Dad said he would like to hold the teen's elbow, walk a step behind, and be warned of moves before 3 feet of happening. Teen did as directed, and I saw the smile on the father and relaxation of the mother as teen did exactly as asked till they were out of sight.

Good lesson for everyone, and an assurance there is hope for the world we are passing on to our children.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: English1 on March 11, 2014, 01:00:01 PM
Nothing like a good meat pie. And for nothing like a good meat pie, all you Americans run off and google 'Fray Bentos pie' images, right now  :o. I have actually eaten those in the past. Urk.

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: jedikaiti on March 11, 2014, 01:48:38 PM
A friend's seven-year-old son just got his first wheelchair - she's relieved it's got wheels that automatically lock unless HE wants to be pushed.  Apparently people see a kid in a wheelchair and just randomly walk up and start pushing on a regular basis!

This was such an issue when my nephew got his first wheelchair at the age of 3 that my brother ordered the next wheelchair with handles that can be removed. Unless they are needed, the handles are off the chair. An adult can still push the chair if needed, but most adults are so puzzled by the lack of handles that Nephew has time to get away from them, or if he wants to stay put, make his wishes known quite firmly.

I once had a class with a girl who had special ordered a wheelchair without handles - not because of helpful people, but because her high school friends liked to prank her with wheelies and the like.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: hermanne on March 11, 2014, 02:29:16 PM
Can the pie debate get their own thread, please? TY
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on March 11, 2014, 02:34:33 PM
Can the pie debate get their own thread, please? TY
*Like*
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: bopper on March 11, 2014, 02:49:48 PM

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment. 

I say: "I like to live dangerously! <wink> "
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: violinp on March 11, 2014, 02:54:49 PM
When my parents get the glasses all down for me to set the table with. Okay, I realize that they built the kitchen for people who are over 5' tall, not under, and they really do want to help, but saying, "Oh, let me do it," when I've almost got the glass really cheeses me off. If I need to get a fork to nudge the glass out a bit, I will, but I assure you, I can reach it.

Also, all the people at church who offer me a ride home...after I've called my parents to come get me (I don't have my license yet). I appreciate the thought, folks, but outside when my mom's 5 minutes away from the church is not the right time for that. *facepalm*
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: BarensMom on March 11, 2014, 03:03:00 PM
Can the pie debate get their own thread, please? TY
*Like*

Hey, everything's better with pie! ;D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Jones on March 11, 2014, 03:06:38 PM
Pi Day is next week, a good pie thread would be quite timely.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Outdoor Girl on March 11, 2014, 03:08:07 PM
Pi Day is next week, a good pie thread would be quite timely.

Isn't Pi day on Friday of this week?  3/14...

Might have to make pie for Friday.   ;D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MyFamily on March 11, 2014, 03:10:28 PM
Also, all the people at church who offer me a ride home...after I've called my parents to come get me (I don't have my license yet). I appreciate the thought, folks, but outside when my mom's 5 minutes away from the church is not the right time for that. *facepalm*

But how do they know your parents are on their way?  I have been the person offered rides and the person who offers rides.  I've always appreciated the offer, even if my ride is on its way; and I've always received a smile and thanks when I've offered, and I have been taken up on the offer sometimes.  So, this seems like you are annoyed they can't read your mind....
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Jones on March 11, 2014, 03:18:02 PM
Pi Day is next week, a good pie thread would be quite timely.

Isn't Pi day on Friday of this week?  3/14...

Might have to make pie for Friday.   ;D
This week, next week, depends on when your weekend is. :P

(I was looking at the wrong calendar. 3/14 is correct, so this Friday is day of pi)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: VorFemme on March 11, 2014, 03:37:59 PM
Regarding people who meddle with other people's cooking, I recall another thread on the subject where a poster declared that in The South meddling with another woman's cooking is an act of high treason that will get you thrown out of polite society. You do not even slice another woman's cake without specific permission.

Well of course!  We're civilized down here...possibly some of the rules are a little behind the current usage - but that's because Great-Grandma would rise up out of her rocking chair and give us the what-for if we were to do things differently than she was teaching her kids & grandkids how to do it.  Come to think of it, Grandma & Mom might also be a little upset as they LIKE a small piece of each dessert - it is easier to stick to your calorie count if you have a little bit of all your favorites.  Some of the uncles will guiltily pile two pieces of their favorites on their plate the first time to the dessert table and claim that they were going to "share" their plate with the youngest cousin...who is still trying to feed themselves Cheerios (oat cereal wheels) instead of pumpkin pie....

The baker knows how many servings to cut that cake into and having someone cut extra small pieces that mean everyone has to look greedy & get two pieces is a sacrilege exceeded only by someone cutting pieces of a really rich cake that can't be finished or handed over to someone else so that a piece might have to get thrown out and WASTED...

And we better not change Great-Grandma's family recipe without running a sample by her FIRST to approve the changes.  Luckily, my aunt believed me when I reported Grandma's approval and other conversation at a family reunion over her first piece of the slightly changed version (cake the same - different glaze/frosting) - and that I mentioned that Grandma (her mother) had taken two slices - which meant that she really had liked it a lot.

I shudder to think of what would have happened if I hadn't taken that cake to one of the last family reunions Grandma got to attend....or if she hadn't LIKED the additional "apple pie" type spices in the new glaze (too expensive when she was a farmer's wife and they were going through a pan or three of it a week during planting season or harvesting - quick way to up your calorie count that time of year).
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Psychopoesie on March 11, 2014, 03:55:10 PM
Meat pies should be decorated. Fruit pies shouldn't be decorated.

That's one of those bits of received wisdom that has disappeared over the last 40 years. *sigh*

I've never heard that one! And if anything, my mother did it the other way around - desserts were decorated, main course wasn't.

This is actually more logical--dessert is the frivolous, "party" part of the meal, so it makes more sense that it  would be decorated. And the lattice pie crust has always been fruit, and that's decorative.

Not always. I've made a savoury pie (beef and kumara) with a lattice top following the recipe (from a women's weekly cookbook IIRC). Not as common it's true.

Ok. Will stop talking about pie now. Not thinking about it is harder. Have a lovely curry beef pie sitting in the fridge, calling to me.

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: It's good to be Queen on March 11, 2014, 04:05:54 PM
Funny, this just came up for me.  It is almost Purim and time to bake hamentaschen.  Hamentaschen are a little filled cookie shaped like a 3 corner hat.  Last year my sister wanted to help, so she came over and I rolled them out and she filled them.  I showed her how to pinch them closed in the right shape, but she couldn't get it and then she decided she had a better way.  None of her cookies came out right (the shape is important).  I kept asking her to stop closing them and I would do it.  She kept right on pinching them saying "I know these won't turn out right, but oh well".  So only about half were right and since I was giving most of them away, I had to make a second batch after she went home.  So yesterday she called me and asked when we were going to make them again.  I am going to quietly get them done on a night I know she is not free.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Thipu1 on March 11, 2014, 05:17:24 PM
Yup, I understand you.  In the Book of Esther, Hamen is the villain and is said to be wearing a three-cornered hat.  The shape of hamentaschen has to be triangular.  Half the fun of eating hamentaschen is the shape.  Eating a shapeless glob while wearing your crown and twirling your noisemaker just isn't the same. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Klein Bottle on March 11, 2014, 05:20:59 PM
Funny, this just came up for me.  It is almost Purim and time to bake hamentaschen.  Hamentaschen are a little filled cookie shaped like a 3 corner hat.  Last year my sister wanted to help, so she came over and I rolled them out and she filled them.  I showed her how to pinch them closed in the right shape, but she couldn't get it and then she decided she had a better way.  None of her cookies came out right (the shape is important).  I kept asking her to stop closing them and I would do it.  She kept right on pinching them saying "I know these won't turn out right, but oh well".  So only about half were right and since I was giving most of them away, I had to make a second batch after she went home.  So yesterday she called me and asked when we were going to make them again.  I am going to quietly get them done on a night I know she is not free.

I just googled those, and they look yummy!  From the description of the tradition, I can understand why the shape would be important.  So, you can make your give-away batch, and then you will have a bunch of the improperly shaped ones you can just eat yourself.    ;)  Those look interesting, and I am thinking I might attempt some.  I always like surprising my family with "something different."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Onyx_TKD on March 11, 2014, 05:42:29 PM
When my parents get the glasses all down for me to set the table with. Okay, I realize that they built the kitchen for people who are over 5' tall, not under, and they really do want to help, but saying, "Oh, let me do it," when I've almost got the glass really cheeses me off. If I need to get a fork to nudge the glass out a bit, I will, but I assure you, I can reach it.

Also, all the people at church who offer me a ride home...after I've called my parents to come get me (I don't have my license yet). I appreciate the thought, folks, but outside when my mom's 5 minutes away from the church is not the right time for that. *facepalm*

Even worse are the people who are convinced you "need" a ride, even if you say you don't. I knew a guy who was convinced that I needed a ride home after club events on my university's campus. I appreciated the offer of a ride, at least the first offer on each occasion (not so much if the offerer got pushy). But he didn't stop there. No, if he couldn't offer a ride, he would ask other people on my behalf, sometimes strangers who I'd never met before that evening.  :o Never mind that I was perfectly capable of getting to and from campus on every other day without relying on rides. There was a perfectly good bus system that went from campus right to my home, plus I was within walking distance. But more importantly, I was in charge of my own transportation. If I wanted to take the bus or walk, that was my decision and my business, not his.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Julian on March 11, 2014, 05:58:04 PM
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

Oh dear Deity!  I guess there are reasons why exes are indeed exes. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Onyx_TKD on March 11, 2014, 07:17:57 PM
Does "help" from software count?  ::)

I'm currently writing a document in Microsoft Word that includes some "inline" equations, i.e., they're supposed to appear in the line of text, so I want them to stay the same height as the rest of the text. Unfortunately, Microsoft Word likes to "help" me by transforming my fractions written as 1/x so that the numerator and denominator are above and below a horizontal bar. Gee thanks, Word, I'm sure your designers were very clever to put that feature in, now be a good little program and put my equations back the way I wrote them! So far, I have not found any way to turn that feature off.  :P I have gotten so spoiled writing in LaTeX--it was a little harder when first getting started, but it formats stuff the way I tell it to, without trying to "fix" it.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: PastryGoddess on March 11, 2014, 07:24:45 PM
Does "help" from software count?  ::)

I'm currently writing a document in Microsoft Word that includes some "inline" equations, i.e., they're supposed to appear in the line of text, so I want them to stay the same height as the rest of the text. Unfortunately, Microsoft Word likes to "help" me by transforming my fractions written as 1/x so that the numerator and denominator are above and below a horizontal bar. Gee thanks, Word, I'm sure your designers were very clever to put that feature in, now be a good little program and put my equations back the way I wrote them! So far, I have not found any way to turn that feature off.  :P I have gotten so spoiled writing in LaTeX--it was a little harder when first getting started, but it formats stuff the way I tell it to, without trying to "fix" it.
You need to turn off the auto correct

Mac:
Go to the Apple icon on the top left
Select preferences
Select Autocorrect on the top row
select the AutoFormat as you type tab
turn off fractions

Windows:
File
Select Options
Select Proofing
Select Autocorrect
Select AutoFormat as you type tab
remove check in box to format fractions
Select Auto Format tab
remove check in box to format fractions here as well
Hit ok twice
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on March 11, 2014, 07:26:05 PM
Oh, does that work now? Time was when that wasn't actually effective. I had the auto-numbering thing kick in when typing recipes, and no matter how often I turned it off, it never "took."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: PastryGoddess on March 11, 2014, 07:32:19 PM
Oh, does that work now? Time was when that wasn't actually effective. I had the auto-numbering thing kick in when typing recipes, and no matter how often I turned it off, it never "took."

Yup I turn it off and on as needed
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Katana_Geldar on March 11, 2014, 08:12:39 PM
You can also immediately press Ctrl Z and it takes off the autocorrect while leaving what you types.

And while we're on the subject, iOS autocorrect is just as annoying and has had hilarious results on here.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Onyx_TKD on March 11, 2014, 08:31:00 PM
Does "help" from software count?  ::)

I'm currently writing a document in Microsoft Word that includes some "inline" equations, i.e., they're supposed to appear in the line of text, so I want them to stay the same height as the rest of the text. Unfortunately, Microsoft Word likes to "help" me by transforming my fractions written as 1/x so that the numerator and denominator are above and below a horizontal bar. Gee thanks, Word, I'm sure your designers were very clever to put that feature in, now be a good little program and put my equations back the way I wrote them! So far, I have not found any way to turn that feature off.  :P I have gotten so spoiled writing in LaTeX--it was a little harder when first getting started, but it formats stuff the way I tell it to, without trying to "fix" it.
You need to turn off the auto correct

Mac:
Go to the Apple icon on the top left
Select preferences
Select Autocorrect on the top row
select the AutoFormat as you type tab
turn off fractions

Windows:
File
Select Options
Select Proofing
Select Autocorrect
Select AutoFormat as you type tab
remove check in box to format fractions
Select Auto Format tab
remove check in box to format fractions here as well
Hit ok twice

Thanks, but I already tried that, and no luck. Your fix keeps it from changing the fractions in regular text, but it doesn't affect the "math mode" that I use for more complicated equations. I've even tried disabling everything under "Math Autocorrect" and it keeps right on "correcting" my fractions.  ::) My google searches didn't turn up any fixes either.

You can also immediately press Ctrl Z and it takes off the autocorrect while leaving what you types.

Yeah, I've been doing a lot of that. It's sneaky though. Every so often I am merrily editing another part of my paragraph, and it decides to "helpfully" go format all of my equations. Yay. If I don't catch it before I keep typing, I'd have to undo a lot of work to CTRL+Z the autocorrect away.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Dindrane on March 11, 2014, 08:50:44 PM
Sometimes if you hover over text that Word has autocorrected, you'll see a little autocorrect icon that will turn into a drop down menu. If you can find that, it will allow you to undo the autocorrect without undoing anything else (and you can do it kind of any time, maybe until you save the document?).

You might also try doing a Google search for how to turn off that feature, just to see if anyone else has run into your specific problem and been able to fix it. I have a lot of success with that method for figuring out how to do things in Office...just make sure you include the program and its version as part of the search. You may need to refine your search terms a few times, but there are a lot of helpful sites out there.

To go back to the main topic, I really wish my mom would stop "helping" my husband find a job. He's an academic who just graduated, and the market is tough. Plus, we do actually have some restrictions on what he's willing to do (mostly to make it worth moving), so that limits his options a bit as well. My mom's version of "help" is to tell me to tell my husband that he should look into other fields (without offering any suggestions). Or that someone else she knows is a person who knows lots of things, so surely my husband (who also knows lots of things) could do something in that other person's field. Nevermind that the other person's field a) requires a degree my husband doesn't have or want, and b) is as difficult to get into as academia.

I know my mom's advice is coming from a place of love and caring, but good gracious I am tired of it. Especially because if I actually ask her to stop telling me these things, she'll tell me she's only trying to be helpful. If I tell her why her "help" isn't actually helpful, she'll tell me I'm just being too negative and she's only trying to help.

I just comfort myself with the fact that at least she's telling it all to me (rather than my husband), because it bothers him more and I can just not tell him about it. It helps to think I'm taking one for the team when I smile and nod and change the subject, rather than telling my mom that enough is enough.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on March 11, 2014, 08:51:38 PM
You can also immediately press Ctrl Z and it takes off the autocorrect while leaving what you types.

And while we're on the subject, iOS autocorrect is just as annoying and has had hilarious results on here.

The first thing I do when I get a new iOS device is go to Settings>Keyboard and turn off the Autos. I have no patience with some programmer somewhere thinking he knows more about what I am trying to say than I do. I do appreciate the Check spelling, but it is not the boss of me. It's just a handy reminder.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: JustEstelle on March 12, 2014, 12:45:31 AM
Reading the posts about people attempting to "help" someone in a wheelchair reminded me of a couple of incidents that happened at a church DH and I used to attend.

I have mobility issues, and sometimes it's worse than others.  For a period of time a few years ago, I needed to use a cane for support when walking.  The entrance to the church did have a ramp, as well as steps, but it seemed that people would congregate on the ramp to visit, making access all but impossible.  I would try to go up the ramp and say, "excuse me" to try to get through, but all that accomplished was the people wanting me to join in the visiting and stand there with them.  I had issues with both knees, and standing in one place for long was just painful.  So I took to trying to go up the steps instead of engaging them.  I can manage steps okay if DH is around for me to use his hand or arm for support if I need it.  I go slowly, but I can get up steps under my own steam if I have to.  The main occupant of the ramp, upon seeing me going up the steps, decided that I needed the walker that they just happened to have stashed back in the leftovers from the recent yard sale the church had held.  I told her that no, I didn't need the walker.  I was okay.  She kept insisting and was about to go and get the walker (and I'm sure would have shoved it in front of me if she'd done so).  I told her again that I didn't need it.  "No, you do need it.  Let me get it for you!"  At that point, in my frustration at 1) not being allowed to use the handicapped access (ramp blocked) and 2) having someone else decide for me that I needed a device that I know that I do not need, I raised my voice at her and told her in no uncertain terms that I did not need a walker, I was fine on my own, and please.just.leave.me.alone.

At the same church - not sure if it was the same day or another occasion - I was struggling to get up one rather high step to get from the Sunday School room back to the main part of the sanctuary and I called for DH to come help me (he was talking to one of the other guys).  Usually, I would just stand aside and wait for him to come help me.  Before DH could even answer me, one of the other men ran over and grabbed my non-cane arm and PULLED.  Pulling my arm is not going to help me get up a step that I'm struggling with; offering a hand or arm to use for support and letting me use my own strength to get up WILL help me.  Of course, pulling me that way hurt my arm and shoulder and I cried out in pain.  And got the hurt dog "I was just trying to help!" response from the guy who'd grabbed my arm. 

Another time, we had a potluck dinner after services.  We usually just moved the pews to one end of the sanctuary and set up tables and chairs, but this time the pastor (knowing that I struggle with that step I mentioned above) decided that we needed to eat in the SS room and not move furniture around.  There was no way that I could navigate that step while holding a plateful of food.  So I decided just to find an out-of-the-way place in a corner of the sanctuary to sit and eat (and clean up after myself when finished).  DH stayed with me.  And we got grief for being "unsociable."  I think that was about the last time we attended at that location, and the church has long since disbanded.   :-\
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Elfmama on March 12, 2014, 12:49:51 AM
Quote
Doesn't any woman or child that goes in to the ER with bruises/broken bones not directly attributable to something like a car accident get asked that question.

Couple years ago I fell and hurt my shoulder and wrist…….no broken bones but got very sore so I went to ER next morning.  At intake, I was asked if there was domestic violence in the home.  I understand it’s something they’re trained to ask and they’re just trying to help.
Maybe because it was Urgent Care rather than the ER, but when I had a table saw kick back a chunk of wood that caught me in the temple, staff DIDN'T ask  me that.  There was considerable blood, too, splashed all down my shirt.  Maybe because DH was so clearly worried out of his mind.   :-\
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Outdoor Girl on March 12, 2014, 07:42:45 AM
My Dad was chopping wood last spring and had a chunk of wood come up and hit him right on the nose.  My brother is a wilderness medic so he did all the first aid - nose was probably broken but not out of place - so it was just ice and a bandaid for the cut.

Next day, Dad and I were running errands around town.  Him with a spectacular set of black eyes.  And he kept telling people I did it!

It is kind of a joke with all three of us - there have been a bunch of elder abuse awareness commercials on TV.  Dad, even at almost 80, is still capable of a lot of physical stuff and my brother and I often have him help us with projects.  DB and I joke with Dad about us being carted off for elder abuse because of some of the things we do with him.  My brother takes him hunting with him in the fall, tramping through the bush for hours each day.  I get Dad to help me get loads of compost from the city.  We all work on getting Dad's wood in for his wood stove to supplement his electric heat.  So very, very active.  And for the normal 80 year old, probably way too much.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on March 12, 2014, 08:35:44 AM
The woman who grabbed my cane-holding arm to stop me as I was stepping down off a pavement to cross the road.

I couldn't even say anything, I was so taken aback, but apparently I looked like murder.

The lights had just changed in my favour, I knew that crossing well (she couldn't have known that), but grabbing someone mid-step manoeuvre? Could have caused me to fall while I was already injured. Also, who comes up behind a complete stranger and decides to intervene by grabbing their walking aid?

I've had this happen and I did fall - flat on my face in the street.  My glasses shattered and I spent half an hour picking bits of road detritus out of my face. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Firecat on March 12, 2014, 09:24:18 AM
(Intentionally a bit vague...). Dear coworkers in other departments: I know you want to be helpful, and I appreciate that. However, if something is assigned to me in the system, LEAVE IT ASSIGNED TO ME. Or at that very least, check with me before you do more than add a note.

Do NOT "helpfully" try to move things along, because you will mess it up and make it take longer. I won't be happy, you won't be happy, and the person you were trying to help won't be happy, either. So follow that rule we should all have learned before kindergarten. Namely: If it's not yours, do not touch. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: ddawn23 on March 13, 2014, 01:51:43 AM
When I was sixteen I applied to spend a year as a foreign exchange student with Rotary International.  There was a huge hours-long interview that we ended up having at my house-- ten or twelve Rotary bigwigs and me sitting around the living room with my parents watching in the corner.  During the interview whenever Dad disagreed with how I had answered a question he would interject, "So what you're saying is (insert his answer that obviously bore no relation to what I had said)."  It put me in such an awkward position, and I usually responded by restating my answer and trying to move the interview along.  After the Rotarians had left Dad was incensed that I had ignored all his attempts to help.  "I was giving you the right answers and you ignored it!"  I said that no, he was giving me his answers-- answers I happened to disagree with.  I said, "What did you expect to happen?  Either I publicly disagree with you and seem disrespectful, or I agree with you and it looks like I'm relying on you to feed me answers."  Luckily my mom backed me up (although I kind of wish she'd put a stop to it during the interview  ::)), but Dad spent the rest of the evening grumbling about how ungrateful I'd been when he was giving me the right answers.

May I just say, having been both the student being interviewed and also the interviewer in that same situation, you did exactly the right thing and I would have been very impressed with that. I would have appreciated seeing how well you addressed potential conflict (which happens many times during a year away in another culture) and also how you let other people have their say without telling them to their faces that they were wrong and you were right. Well done, particularly at 16!

I can a bit understand that the interview was held in the home, but please, can you tell me how the parents were there, even for a 16 year old?

And yes! I do agree that ddawn did a good job!
Aw, thanks, guys. I'm blushing. And the Rotarians must have thought I did well too, because after (literally) 18 more interviews and much hoop-jumping I was accepted into the program. I spent my junior year of high school in Belgium-- a ridiculously amazing and life-changing experience.

Why were my parents there? I'm not sure where else they would be, short of leaving the house entirely or sitting quietly in their bedroom for well over three hours. They sat at the kitchen table, which is technically in a different room, but not really. They weren't sitting with us, just nearby, and because of where I was sitting most of the Rotarians had their backs to the dining room. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: RooRoo on March 13, 2014, 04:28:49 AM
No, asking about abuse is not standard at my local ER. DH also brought me in, last August, when I fell over & concussed myself. Nobody asked then. (As it turns out, I fell over because I was in a-fib.) But since he hadn't been woken up at 2 am by a wife in incredible pain, he looked calmer and concerned, instead of seeming explosive. 

The reason the nice guy asked was because I had large, obvious bruises that were a week or so old, and was now presenting with broken ribs - and a very angry DH. What would you think? So would I! Nice guy asked me if I needed a safe place, and did it in such a way that DH couldn't hear him.

DH has been my safe place to stay for 17 years. (RooRoo heaves a happy sigh)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Tini on March 13, 2014, 08:20:22 AM
This story is really going to date me...

A friend of a friend one day came home to his gran proudly telling him she'd tidied up and organized his room, including all his computer stuff.

She'd even bought him a brand new folder.

For his 5 3/4" floppy disks.

Which she had hole-punched.

I think his howls where heard two towns over.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Coralreef on March 13, 2014, 09:09:37 AM
This story is really going to date me...

A friend of a friend one day came home to his gran proudly telling him she'd tidied up and organized his room, including all his computer stuff.

She'd even bought him a brand new folder.

For his 5 3/4" floppy disks.

Which she had hole-punched.

I think his howls where heard two towns over.

I'll date myself too.  I used to work with those floppies.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Firecat on March 13, 2014, 09:23:22 AM
This story is really going to date me...

A friend of a friend one day came home to his gran proudly telling him she'd tidied up and organized his room, including all his computer stuff.

She'd even bought him a brand new folder.

For his 5 3/4" floppy disks.

Which she had hole-punched.

I think his howls where heard two towns over.

I'll date myself too.  I used to work with those floppies.

That reminds me of this cartoon: http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=19990316 (http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=19990316)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Shalamar on March 13, 2014, 12:36:29 PM
My dad is always trying to help my mum and me by opening doors for us.   Not a big deal, and it would be appreciated if it were necessary (if, for instance, I had my hands full).  But no - he'll practically break his neck running to a door to open it for me when my hands are empty.  Mum's always giving him grief for it, and he gets very insulted.  "I was just trying to help!"  "I don't NEED your help!  If I do, I'll ask for it!"

Mum is always doing things for me that I didn't want, too.  She still thinks of me as a scatterbrained kid (I'm almost 50).  A while ago we'd done some grocery shopping, and I opened the lid of my freezer to put away some frozen items.  I then went back to the car to get more bags of groceries, leaving the lid open:

Mum:   You forgot to close the freezer.
Me:  No, I didn't - I've still got more frozen stuff to put away.
Mum:  You shouldn't leave it open.  You'll forget to close it, and all your food will thaw.
Me:  I won't forget.  I never have.
Mum:  Argh!  I can't stand it!  *closes freezer*
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: English1 on March 13, 2014, 12:45:24 PM
OH and I take it in turns to cook and the other is banned from the kitchen. Because we both know best and can't resist interfering, turning the oven a little up or down, chopping the cut veg a bit smaller, adding a splash more of something, offering 'helpful' advice  >:D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: English1 on March 13, 2014, 12:48:00 PM
hospitals and DV - I didn't get asked directly but I know they were a bit suspicious a few years ago. I broke my wrist in a way that is usually caused by it being twisted. (car accident) Ok. Then a couple of months later I broke my finger in a way that the doctor insisted only happens by people being kicked by a horse, or someone stamping on their hand. (I'd fallen off a chair).

I'm surprised I didn't have social services called in. But if they really had suspicions they should have been more direct about it, instead of hinting.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on March 13, 2014, 01:20:53 PM
On the subject of being questioned about bruising/accidents, I have a fairly funny story. See, I was headed downstairs with the laundry basket and managed to fall down the stairs. All the way down. Of course Partner is all about getting me to the hospital but I insist I'm fine, it's just that I can't stand or walk...and my wrist hurts. But totally fine! Yeah, she won the argument and on our way to the car...I smacked myself in the face the door.

So we go to the hospital and I tell the intake nurse, the people who deal with the insurance, then triage nurse what happened. Then we get into my room, the regular nurse comes in and I tell her what happened. Doctor comes in, and then I have to tell him what happened. Ok, here's my thing, every single person wrote down what happened. Why do you keep writing it down if no one is apparently reading it? But again, I start to tell my story...for the fifth time. Partner steps outside to talk to my mom whose been calling really quickly, and the doctor asks "Do you feel safe at home?", so I'm feeling a little goofy at this point and say "No, the stairs are trying to kill me and the door is clearly in cahoots!" the doctor did not share my sense of humor. Took a bit of convincing to get him to not call social services. I did have to leave with a handful of domestic violence pamphlets and reassurance that same sex abuse does happen and it's just as serious. Which actually...kind of made me happy. Because, I've heard of a lot of horror stories as it not being treated the same when it's two men or two women, so I was glad to see at least one person who knew it was just as serious as a problem. I also learned not to be funny in an ER when your story is "I fell down some stairs and walked into a door" because that does kind of sound like a lie.

On the side of "please stop helping me, please I beg of you" my mother. I love her. Wonderful woman. But I so much as say I'm going to buy some hangers, she's got to help me. I don't need her help with buying hangers. I can buy my own hangers. Please stop mom. Please.

And one of my neighbors, one day I was walking my dogs, just me with the two of them. And for whatever reason I'd put them on separate leashes (usually I have the leash splitter thing) and of course they managed to get all tangled up. So I stop and I'm trying to detangle them and this guy rushes over and starts trying to help me. Now someone who is not their mommies is touching their leashes. So they start to freak out. Not bad but whimpering, and backing away, and he's too close to mommy so we're gonna bark at him, and finally I just said "I got it! Thank you!" and left the dogs tangled while walking away.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Tini on March 13, 2014, 02:00:41 PM
This story is really going to date me...

A friend of a friend one day came home to his gran proudly telling him she'd tidied up and organized his room, including all his computer stuff.

She'd even bought him a brand new folder.

For his 5 3/4" floppy disks.

Which she had hole-punched.

I think his howls where heard two towns over.

I'll date myself too.  I used to work with those floppies.

That reminds me of this cartoon: http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=19990316 (http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=19990316)

Good grief, I haven't read User Friendly in ages.

Remember what a wonderful innovation 3.5" floppies were?.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 13, 2014, 02:04:27 PM
But if they really had suspicions they should have been more direct about it, instead of hinting.

It's not that simple, though.  Frequently in relationships which have these issues, the abused partner is quick to deny anything is happening, because they're not emotionally ready to have the authorities swoop in and take the decision-making out of their hands.  You could ask an abused person "Are you being abused?" and they'll nearly always answer no.  Medical staff need to be trained to ask oblique questions like "Are you safe at home?" and "Do you want someone to talk to?" and "Do you have somewhere to go?" because sometimes that's the only way the abused person is able to get over that ingrained resistance and accept the help they need.

It is frustrating to feel like professionals won't take you at your word, but that's just a minor inconvenience compared to the gravity of the situation if they might have had the opportunity to get an abused person out of a bad situation and didn't because they were too hesitant to ask/offer.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Shalamar on March 13, 2014, 02:10:16 PM
A while back, my husband and I were staying at my parents' house.  We'd been there for a  week, so we had some dirty laundry accumulated.  Mum said "We're doing laundry anyway - give me your stuff, and I'll do it with ours."

When she gave me back our clothes, I was dismayed to see that the whites were looking extremely dingy.   She said "Oh, I always wash our whites and darks together.  It's a waste of water otherwise."  Some of our t-shirts had shrunk, and her explanation was that she puts everything in the drier - even things that say specifically "HANG TO DRY".

That taught me a lesson - always do my own laundry!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Free Range Hippy Chick on March 13, 2014, 02:12:39 PM
My beloved MIL washed everything - everything! - at 60 degrees long spin, and then tumble dried it for 2 hours on full heat. All my clothes ended up twice their normal width and half their normal length.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Klein Bottle on March 13, 2014, 02:50:35 PM
Last year, when I was sharing a rental house with my brother, Mom came for a week's visit.  Wanting to "help", she did all the laundry one day while I was at work.  Mine, my brother's, his two daughters', and my son's laundry, plus all the towels, etc.

To this day, I can't find several pairs of socks and almost all the underwear she washed.  Much of it, she got confused and put in my nieces' baskets.  They are not the type of kids to say, hey, I found this in my basket and it's not mine, (too lazy and apathetic), so I had to go through all their baskets and clothing drawers to retrieve what I could.  (With my brother's permission.)  I found some items, but still have not found most of it a year and a move later. 

Other people touching my laundry is more than small irritation for me.  I have been doing my own since a very young age, and have my own way of doing things. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on March 13, 2014, 02:56:02 PM
"No, thank you. I prefer to ruin my own laundry."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Firecat on March 13, 2014, 02:59:51 PM
This story is really going to date me...

A friend of a friend one day came home to his gran proudly telling him she'd tidied up and organized his room, including all his computer stuff.

She'd even bought him a brand new folder.

For his 5 3/4" floppy disks.

Which she had hole-punched.

I think his howls where heard two towns over.

I'll date myself too.  I used to work with those floppies.

That reminds me of this cartoon: http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=19990316 (http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=19990316)

Good grief, I haven't read User Friendly in ages.

Remember what a wonderful innovation 3.5" floppies were?.

I do remember that...much more durable than the 5.25" floppies, and more space, too! I think I still have a few of the 3.5" ones floating around the house.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: VorFemme on March 13, 2014, 03:31:08 PM
I not only have some 3.5" floppies floating around the office - I have an external floppy drive for them - because some of my embroidery designs that I bought off eBay for my "new in 2003" embroidery machine were sent to me on those floppies.

I've saved them to an external hard drive for back up - but just in case of a truly cataclysmic failure - I have the floppy drive and the disks....
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Katana_Geldar on March 13, 2014, 04:19:30 PM
I remember a story about a kid who didn't want to forget his homework, it was on a floppy disk that he'd attached to the fridge with a magnet.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cattlekid on March 13, 2014, 05:10:30 PM
I worked in our college computer labs back in the Jurassic Age and I remember clearly a few 3.5" disks with either a) the metal slides completely missing and the actual disk exposed or b) sand inside the metal slide, conveniently scratching away all of your hard work. 

To get this a little bit back on topic, we have five upper cabinets in our kitchen.  My mode of operation to empty the dishwasher is to open one cabinet, take all of the stuff out of the dishwasher for that cabinet, put it away, then close the door and open the door to the next cabinet until all of the dishes are put away.  I also have to do this because for two of our cabinets, you can't open the door for one unless the other one is closed. 

My husband will inevitably say "watch your head!" when I am putting away the dishes.  I know exactly which cabinet is open and I have it open for a reason and I know how to move about the kitchen to not hit my head.  Of course, if you tell me not to hit my head, that's when I inevitably move the wrong way because you've startled me from the zen of putting away the dishes.   ::)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: whatsanenigma on March 13, 2014, 05:13:25 PM
All these stories about the floppy disks would be really welcomed in this thread:

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=132744.0

 :)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: artk2002 on March 13, 2014, 06:10:34 PM
I would like my work to stop helping for the moment, or at least to find a different way to help.

We've been miserably short-handed for a long time. Like several years. The bulk of the work/stress/garbage that comes from being short-handed falls directly on my shoulders. We're heading for a new delivery and of course, work is piling up at an amazing rate. I'm working 12-16 hour days some times.

So, the company hires a bunch of new people. Great thing, right? Guess who now has the responsibility of training these people and giving them their technical direction? Me. With no relief from the rest of the work I have to do. Sadly, nobody is going to be productive in working on our product for at least 3 months (more likely 6 months), so until they do come up to speed, my work-load just doubled. Thanks for the "help" guys!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Specky on March 13, 2014, 11:05:37 PM
I was home from college for a visit.  I hung my clothes in my closet, including 4 woolen sweaters (lovingly chosen, purchased and cherished).

For some reason, my Mother decided that my clothes weren't clean enough, and while I was out, removed all my clothes from the drawers and closet, washed them in the hottest wash/rinse cycle possible, then finished the clothing massacre in the dryer on the Furnace In Hell setting.  She then put my mostly ruined clothes back in the drawers and closet (my underwear were almost crunchy and the elastic ruined).  She could no longer get the sweaters on adult-sized hangers, so found some old baby hangers she still had and hung them back in the closet in the same place they had been.

Her reaction to my shrieks and lamentations?  "That will teach you not to buy wool."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Asharah on March 13, 2014, 11:18:45 PM
I was home from college for a visit.  I hung my clothes in my closet, including 4 woolen sweaters (lovingly chosen, purchased and cherished).

For some reason, my Mother decided that my clothes weren't clean enough, and while I was out, removed all my clothes from the drawers and closet, washed them in the hottest wash/rinse cycle possible, then finished the clothing massacre in the dryer on the Furnace In Hell setting.  She then put my mostly ruined clothes back in the drawers and closet (my underwear were almost crunchy and the elastic ruined).  She could no longer get the sweaters on adult-sized hangers, so found some old baby hangers she still had and hung them back in the closet in the same place they had been.

Her reaction to my shrieks and lamentations?  "That will teach you not to buy wool."
Tell me you never went home again.  :o
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on March 13, 2014, 11:40:51 PM
I said that to my DH today!

We were both cooking in the kitchen--him boiling pasta, me sauteing chicken thighs to add to rice for lunch. I was cutting the meat into little pieces, and I'd cut up 2 of the 3 and added them to the small pan. I hadn't decided what to do w/ the 3rd one when I realized my DH had taken the few little pieces left on the cutting board, put them in the meat pkg w/ the remaining thigh, and put my cutting board into the dishwasher.

"Don't help me!" I said.

I also said, "It's sort of disrespectful to just clean up after me. Especially without asking."

"don't mess with my stuff"--why is that so hard for some people? I think bcs they don't think of it as your stuff. Everything is about them.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: zyrs on March 14, 2014, 12:33:38 AM
I was home from college for a visit.  I hung my clothes in my closet, including 4 woolen sweaters (lovingly chosen, purchased and cherished).

For some reason, my Mother decided that my clothes weren't clean enough, and while I was out, removed all my clothes from the drawers and closet, washed them in the hottest wash/rinse cycle possible, then finished the clothing massacre in the dryer on the Furnace In Hell setting.  She then put my mostly ruined clothes back in the drawers and closet (my underwear were almost crunchy and the elastic ruined).  She could no longer get the sweaters on adult-sized hangers, so found some old baby hangers she still had and hung them back in the closet in the same place they had been.

Her reaction to my shrieks and lamentations?  "That will teach you not to buy wool."

 :-\ I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: jedikaiti on March 14, 2014, 01:27:55 AM
I was home from college for a visit.  I hung my clothes in my closet, including 4 woolen sweaters (lovingly chosen, purchased and cherished).

For some reason, my Mother decided that my clothes weren't clean enough, and while I was out, removed all my clothes from the drawers and closet, washed them in the hottest wash/rinse cycle possible, then finished the clothing massacre in the dryer on the Furnace In Hell setting.  She then put my mostly ruined clothes back in the drawers and closet (my underwear were almost crunchy and the elastic ruined).  She could no longer get the sweaters on adult-sized hangers, so found some old baby hangers she still had and hung them back in the closet in the same place they had been.

Her reaction to my shrieks and lamentations?  "That will teach you not to buy wool."
Tell me you never went home again.  :o

And billed her for replacements!!!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: o_gal on March 14, 2014, 06:41:46 AM
This story is really going to date me...

A friend of a friend one day came home to his gran proudly telling him she'd tidied up and organized his room, including all his computer stuff.

She'd even bought him a brand new folder.

For his 5 3/4" floppy disks.

Which she had hole-punched.

I think his howls where heard two towns over.

I'll date myself too.  I used to work with those floppies.

That reminds me of this cartoon: http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=19990316 (http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=19990316)

Good grief, I haven't read User Friendly in ages.

Remember what a wonderful innovation 3.5" floppies were?.

I do remember that...much more durable than the 5.25" floppies, and more space, too! I think I still have a few of the 3.5" ones floating around the house.

And the 5.25" floppies were a huge improvement over the 8" (I think) floppies that came before them. And yes, I actually witnessed someone putting an 8" floppy through a typewriter to type on a label, at a summer job. Unbelievably, the disk still worked after that.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Coralreef on March 14, 2014, 08:28:13 AM
Laundry... so many tales to be told.

One year, I gave myself a pure silk bra/panty set for my birthday.  It was a beautiful little designer set, pure white, fit me perfectly and I felt like a movie star when I put it on.  It was majorly expensive, as in "monthly morgage payment" expensive.  I saved and scrimped for this.  Now we can say this was handwash and flat dry only.  I even got the specialty soap for undergarnments. 

XH decided to "help" and threw it in with the coloured stuff (separate loads for differents colours? waste of time!).  I cried so much when I saw the results, the set was no longer white but a dingy redish blue and the fabric had been distorted.  I was so angry!  I still had de credit card stub, so I made him pay me back.  He never touched my delicates after that, even the ones that were machine proof. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Amanita on March 14, 2014, 04:18:42 PM
As a costumer who works with high quality fabric and turns out work that's either professional quality or close to it, all these stories of people forcefully "helping" with laundry, when they obviously don't know how to do it, don't care to know, or have some seriously misguided ideas about how it should be done (Like insisting EVERYTHING be washed in hot water) have me cringing.
I've got garments made of wool, silk, embroidered cotton, brocade, and unique fashion fabrics that the local stores only ever got one shipment of, and will likely never have again. And I've got things that took in excess of 50 hours to make. Anyone who wrecked all of that (in some cases irreplaceable) hard work would be getting off cheap if all I did was bill them for the cost of the fabric, as opposed to billing them for labor costs on top of that.

I don't know what goes through these people's heads- is it some desire to force their will on others, no matter what the other person wants or needs?

As for "helping", I've got one. It concerns my senior Prom in High School.
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I'm just not a "formal gown" type of person. So a traditional prom dress was right out- my parents made me try one on, and it felt more fake and "costumey" on me than anything that's ever come off my sewing machine. Our first day shopping, my mom came at me with such a long list of "You are not's", that I may as well have said "Screw it then, I'm staying home". My mom kept showing me matronly dresses that looked like something she might wear to work. Finally we found a dressy pantsuit that I liked. Even then, she just wanted to foist so many things on me- uncomfortable dress shoes that ended up killing my feet. Accessories that she pretty much picked out. And makeup. Oh gods, that. She insisted I wear it, and would not let me leave the house without it, even though I have serious tomboy tendencies and  don't ever wear the stuff. She told me I looked dumpy without it, and finished off by crying- "It's your prom, I'm exited and I want to help!", she sobbed. Never mind that her "help" pretty much involved pushing out a lot of what I might have wanted, and imposing her own vision on me. In the end, I looked like Cruella DeVille with that facepaint on. In photos it sticks out like a sore thumb, looking completely artificial.

Had my friends and I gotten our way, we might have done something off the wall, memorable, and cool. We were thinking that historical dress from various time periods and places would look awesome. Some of my friends were thinking 18th century Europe, I would have gone with Edo period Japan. Unfortunately the idea died due to a variety of factors- one was that in the late 90's, there were not nearly as many resources for historical garb as there are now, so buying, renting, or making the stuff was a harder proposition. And in my case, my mother singlehandedly killed it. One of her "You are nots" was "You are not leaving the house dressed like some otherworldly...thing".
Funny, I never considered Kimono to be "otherworldly", but anyhow..
So in the end, Prom didn't even end up feeling like my event at all. It was all about how my mom insisted it be. All the more reason she won't be "helping" if I ever have a wedding to plan.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Minmom3 on March 14, 2014, 10:51:13 PM
Amanita, that's just sad.....  My heart hurts for the high school you.  I ducked out on my prom, but if I'd wanted to go and had my mother do all that to me, I'd probably have had a hysterical fit and refused to go.

There have been a few times in my life when my mother tried to steamroller me, and I was fortunately able to call her religious leader (in one particular situation) and tell them the problem and beg them to make her back off and leave me alone (which worked, despite 'humiliating' her)  and in the other notable situation (my wedding) I told her it WAS my way or the highway, and she could settle down or stay home. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Dazi on March 15, 2014, 06:55:23 AM
I don't know what made me think about this...

So,  a person who was living with me decided to have a yard sale.   No problem there.  Until a lady asked me how much a silver candy bowl was... It was MINE. I went through the sale items and retrieved a ton of stuff that was mine that they had put out to sell.

When confronted,  I was told they were helping me clean out stuff I didn't use and to earn some extra cash.  No,  no,  no.   I didn't agree or consent to that, so it is stealing,  not helping.

I still don't know what all got sold off mine before I found out,  but they were not living with me much longer.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lady Snowdon on March 15, 2014, 07:17:36 AM
Oh ye gods, my wedding!  My mother was sooo excited to "help" me plan my wedding.  You see, she's been married twice, and neither time was a "normal" wedding, so she really wanted me to have the BWW that every girl dreams of.  Except that I never did dream about a BWW, so we spent a LOT of time discussing her "help". 

I mentioned in the "Wedding Regrets" folder that I was forced into having a wedding cake instead of cookies because of my mother's shock and horror that I would want such a thing.  Mom also tried to convince the florist that I needed more plants/greenery/decorations at the church and for our tables at the reception; I called the florist later on and clarified what I actually wanted.  When we went shopping for material for my wedding dress, Mom tried to buy cream colored satin instead of the blue silk that I wanted.  I ended up having to carry the bolt of blue silk with me the entire time in the store so she couldn't "lose" it by accident.  I finally got her to listen to what I wanted after she cried, "I don't know why you won't listen to your mother about these things; I know what's best!".  I said, "Mom, you raised me to think for myself and form my own opinions.  If I wasn't supposed to do that, you did a dingdangity poor job of raising me!".  I have no idea why that, among everything else I tried, got through to her, but thank goodness it did!  The laws frown on matricide, for some reason...
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Octavia on March 15, 2014, 07:21:36 AM
I would like my work to stop helping for the moment, or at least to find a different way to help.

We've been miserably short-handed for a long time. Like several years. The bulk of the work/stress/garbage that comes from being short-handed falls directly on my shoulders. We're heading for a new delivery and of course, work is piling up at an amazing rate. I'm working 12-16 hour days some times.

So, the company hires a bunch of new people. Great thing, right? Guess who now has the responsibility of training these people and giving them their technical direction? Me. With no relief from the rest of the work I have to do. Sadly, nobody is going to be productive in working on our product for at least 3 months (more likely 6 months), so until they do come up to speed, my work-load just doubled. Thanks for the "help" guys!
I can empathize. At my last job I carried a much bigger workload than my coworkers and like you was working lots of hours. Every summer our department would be given a summer intern, and that intern would be pushed my way because no one else wanted anything to do with him/her. So I would be stuck working even more hours trying to train this person and create & oversee a project that would last 12 weeks and would not really help us. No vacation for me. After four years of that I was over it. I told the boss either he redistributes part of my workload amongst the rest of the group or I'm not going to have anything to do with the summer intern. He picked the latter.

The wedding stories upthread are so sad! My brother and sister-in-law eloped because they didn't want either of their mothers to "help" them. It's a shame that they and so many adults are deprived of what they want and deserve because of one selfish, controlling person in their lives.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: camlan on March 15, 2014, 07:31:54 AM
I would like my work to stop helping for the moment, or at least to find a different way to help.

We've been miserably short-handed for a long time. Like several years. The bulk of the work/stress/garbage that comes from being short-handed falls directly on my shoulders. We're heading for a new delivery and of course, work is piling up at an amazing rate. I'm working 12-16 hour days some times.

So, the company hires a bunch of new people. Great thing, right? Guess who now has the responsibility of training these people and giving them their technical direction? Me. With no relief from the rest of the work I have to do. Sadly, nobody is going to be productive in working on our product for at least 3 months (more likely 6 months), so until they do come up to speed, my work-load just doubled. Thanks for the "help" guys!

Oh, dear. Reminds me of the time the department I managed was very short-handed. I'd seen the problem coming a year before and pressed hard to get new employees in and trained. But no, I was just worrying too much.

So we hire two new employees who will start on the same day. I'm in charge of training them both, which usually meant that most other responsibilities would be taken away from me for 3-4 weeks. This time, with two trainees, I'm thinking 4 weeks at least.

Nope. The Fridday before the new hires start, I'm assigned an 800 page document to proofread and edit. It isn't typeset yet. More than half the pages are nothing but columns of numbers--tedious and time-consuming to proof. Ordinarily, an 800 page document would be split between 2 or 3 editors and we'd have 2 weeks to work on it. I'm the only editor assigned, because we are so dang-dingity busy, and I will have 5 days to work on it.

I went to the president of the company, my immediate supervisor, and told her this was impossible--I couldn't train two new people and edit a huge document.

Her "help" was to have someone else give the new hires a 3 hour orientation to the company on Monday morning--when none of the document was typeset yet. Worse than useless.

And I was told I shouldn't be complaining. Hadn't I just gotten two new employees to help out? Except those two new employees wouldn't be up and running for two months, much like Art's situation.

After training all day and editing all night for that week, once I recovered, I started looking for a new job.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Jloreli on March 15, 2014, 09:08:57 AM
Do they ask that of men too?
Last time I was at the docs they didn't ask me that. I went in with a broken toe - he just asked how I broke it.

They do here! Or at least they are supposed to. Most of our medical facilities do a pre-appointment questionnaire which includes questions about violence in the home. Generally it is asked several ways at different points. I work for a DV prevention program and my DH (D not so dear in this instance) made several "jokes" about not being safe at home during some recent appointments of his own. I had to explain to him how deeply un-helpful it would be to me professionally if someone took him seriously which was not as unlikely as he thought. He also got an earful about how disrespectful it was to genuine victims of DV!

The folks I have found who are the best at asking the "are you safe at home?" questions are at the VA hospitals. I've been asked that when I'm not even the patient! (Someone is cranky when he's sick  ::) ) And it is clear to all the employees that they are responsible to ask if someone is ok if they see something questionable....and to ask it respectfully and discretely. I hope that this is system wide for them....either that or we just have an awesome VA hospital!

ETA You are likely to be asked at the ER if you have any concerns about your home life. Some folks will ask the classic "Are you safe at home?". All of these are supposed to be asked without the partner present. You can imagine what happens when they ask someone (me) who works at the local DV program "are you safe at home?" in front of the husband! :o >:( >:D There was a strongly worded recommendation of some retraining on that procedure....along with an offer to come and provide a staff seminar on DV.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Marisol on March 16, 2014, 12:15:19 AM
When I style my hair I use curlers that I sleep overnight in. Different curlers make different shaped curls and most of them can not be mimicked well by using a hot iron.  For some reason whenever I am fixing my hair for a show (I do community theatre on occasion) there is always someone who wants to help with the curls and starts using an iron on them.  This usually means the curl is wrong or they straighten out an otherwise fine curl which just needed to be wrapped the right way around a finger. I know it isn't a big deal, but they often cause my hair to end up in knots or to loose the curl entirely.  Just don't help! 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on March 16, 2014, 12:24:12 AM
As a costumer who works with high quality fabric and turns out work that's either professional quality or close to it, all these stories of people forcefully "helping" with laundry, when they obviously don't know how to do it, don't care to know, or have some seriously misguided ideas about how it should be done (Like insisting EVERYTHING be washed in hot water) have me cringing.
I've got garments made of wool, silk, embroidered cotton, brocade, and unique fashion fabrics that the local stores only ever got one shipment of, and will likely never have again. And I've got things that took in excess of 50 hours to make. Anyone who wrecked all of that (in some cases irreplaceable) hard work would be getting off cheap if all I did was bill them for the cost of the fabric, as opposed to billing them for labor costs on top of that.

I don't know what goes through these people's heads- is it some desire to force their will on others, no matter what the other person wants or needs?

As for "helping", I've got one. It concerns my senior Prom in High School.
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I'm just not a "formal gown" type of person. So a traditional prom dress was right out- my parents made me try one on, and it felt more fake and "costumey" on me than anything that's ever come off my sewing machine. Our first day shopping, my mom came at me with such a long list of "You are not's", that I may as well have said "Screw it then, I'm staying home". My mom kept showing me matronly dresses that looked like something she might wear to work. Finally we found a dressy pantsuit that I liked. Even then, she just wanted to foist so many things on me- uncomfortable dress shoes that ended up killing my feet. Accessories that she pretty much picked out. And makeup. Oh gods, that. She insisted I wear it, and would not let me leave the house without it, even though I have serious tomboy tendencies and  don't ever wear the stuff. She told me I looked dumpy without it, and finished off by crying- "It's your prom, I'm exited and I want to help!", she sobbed. Never mind that her "help" pretty much involved pushing out a lot of what I might have wanted, and imposing her own vision on me. In the end, I looked like Cruella DeVille with that facepaint on. In photos it sticks out like a sore thumb, looking completely artificial.

Had my friends and I gotten our way, we might have done something off the wall, memorable, and cool. We were thinking that historical dress from various time periods and places would look awesome. Some of my friends were thinking 18th century Europe, I would have gone with Edo period Japan. Unfortunately the idea died due to a variety of factors- one was that in the late 90's, there were not nearly as many resources for historical garb as there are now, so buying, renting, or making the stuff was a harder proposition. And in my case, my mother singlehandedly killed it. One of her "You are nots" was "You are not leaving the house dressed like some otherworldly...thing".
Funny, I never considered Kimono to be "otherworldly", but anyhow..
So in the end, Prom didn't even end up feeling like my event at all. It was all about how my mom insisted it be. All the more reason she won't be "helping" if I ever have a wedding to plan.

This resonated with me.  I didn't even tell my mother when Prom was.  I knew I wasn't going to be asked, so I couldn't go anyway and I avoided the drama entirely.  Mom was pretty and popular, I'm neither.   ;)  I wasn't then anyway.  I'm a late bloomer.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Amanita on March 16, 2014, 04:28:45 PM
Fortunately prom at my school didn't require us to have dates. We didn't even have prom king and queen, rejecting it on the basis that it's pretty much nothing more than a glorified popularity contest. So we were pretty progressive. But my mom still pressured me to ask male friends because you know, tradition.

My mom's rationale for her hardline "her way or the highway" stance was "I'm paying for it so what I say goes!". If I could go back in time, and take the know how and skills I've developed with me, I wouldn't even let her pay for it, even if it meant getting an after school job. There were places around town which sold pretty kimono, or I might have been able to make something in the school sewing lab during lunch hours.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Miss March on March 16, 2014, 05:00:43 PM
When I was a young girl, my father's car was out in sleet overnight. The next day, I thought I would help him by getting his ice scraper and clearing off all his windows. Then I decided to scrape the ice off his car doors and the hood, as well. I thought I was being very helpful.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: PastryGoddess on March 16, 2014, 09:19:04 PM
When I was a young girl, my father's car was out in sleet overnight. The next day, I thought I would help him by getting his ice scraper and clearing off all his windows. Then I decided to scrape the ice off his car doors and the hood, as well. I thought I was being very helpful.

 ???
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Chelsealady on March 16, 2014, 09:41:37 PM
House next door to us has a tree surrounded by a flower bed with bricks all around it.  Do to the recent rains the bricks on the street side came lose.  The neighbors started to dismantle the bed. Because things happen, they hadn't finished yet.  Across the street neighbor got mad because it wasn't done.  She came over there on Saturday and rebuilt the brick flower bed.  :o

I know the owners of the house are out of town. I can't wait to see what they think of the help they got on it.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on March 16, 2014, 10:21:19 PM
When I was a young girl, my father's car was out in sleet overnight. The next day, I thought I would help him by getting his ice scraper and clearing off all his windows. Then I decided to scrape the ice off his car doors and the hood, as well. I thought I was being very helpful.

 ???

It likely scratched the hood and doors up, though I'm not exactly sure.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Miss March on March 17, 2014, 07:21:03 AM
Yes. Using an ice scraper on the body of the car scratched it. My poor dad. He was horrified when he came out and saw what I was doing.

Again, I was young and didn't know better. But boy, did I think I was being helpful.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Coralreef on March 17, 2014, 07:32:44 AM
Yes. Using an ice scraper on the body of the car scratched it. My poor dad. He was horrified when he came out and saw what I was doing.

Again, I was young and didn't know better. But boy, did I think I was being helpful.

I think a lot of cold climate kids have done this.  I know I did (grew up where snow started early october and finished late may).  I've also stopped a neighbour's kid from going at it. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: GregariousIntrovert on March 17, 2014, 08:08:18 AM
I was a "helper" as a little kid too.  On Sunday morning before my mom woke up, I'd get the coupon insert out of the paper and cut out the coupons for her.  Usually cutting right through the barcode and not quite getting the expiration date.

My brother still can't live down the time he "helped" though.  My dad was updating our bathroom, and was close to being done so he just pushed through and stayed up quite late to finish.  The next morning my brother got up, found a piece of sandpaper in the vanity drawer that my dad had not put away yet and proceeded to sand the brand new marble vanity top.  The bathroom was not 5 hours old and already messed up. 

The moral of the story - parents should  just give up sleep entirely.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lynn2000 on March 17, 2014, 04:17:53 PM
Yipe, once when I was little I got it into my head that my mom's make-up had gotten water in it, and I could help her by pouring the water off.  :o I think it was liquid foundation (flesh-toned) that had just settled a bit, so looking at the bottle you could kind of see two layers. But basically I was pouring her makeup down the drain. ::facepalm::

All I can think now is that maybe I thought *I* had somehow spilled water into the makeup bottle, like by splashing water around, so therefore it was my responsibility to fix it? I have no idea.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lynn2000 on March 17, 2014, 04:19:16 PM
When I style my hair I use curlers that I sleep overnight in. Different curlers make different shaped curls and most of them can not be mimicked well by using a hot iron.  For some reason whenever I am fixing my hair for a show (I do community theatre on occasion) there is always someone who wants to help with the curls and starts using an iron on them.  This usually means the curl is wrong or they straighten out an otherwise fine curl which just needed to be wrapped the right way around a finger. I know it isn't a big deal, but they often cause my hair to end up in knots or to loose the curl entirely.  Just don't help!

Not to mention, someone is coming at your head with a hot iron when you didn't expect/want them to!  :o
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: AmethystAnne on March 17, 2014, 05:06:14 PM
If she were a member, my Mom would have a story to post here about 5 year old me.

I wanted to help Mom in the garden. Walking carefully between the rows, I carefully pulled up all the carrots and put them in my little red wagon. Said carrots really weren't big enough to be harvested just yet.



[I still have that wagon. it's in my attic.]

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lady Snowdon on March 17, 2014, 05:32:16 PM
One of my coworkers tried to "help me out" (her words) today, and I'm so angry you can practically see steam coming out of my ears over it!

I'd talked to her a few times about issues with the boss - issues that she'd had as well.  She said that it had been going on for years, and nobody was really willing to do anything about it.  Between the commute (half hour on a good day, multiple hours on a backed up day) and some of what's happened to me, I told her I might have to start looking for a new job.  Never said I'd applied, never said it was gonna be soon, just "might have to start looking".

Today, coworker has a meeting with big boss.  She texted me at the end of the day that she'd told big boss I was looking for another job, and that I should really go talk to big boss because that way I'll be "protected" from boss.  I tell her that I'm not happy with her for doing that.  She replied, "I wasn't going to lie to the woman".  It's still not her business or information to share!  She's making me look bad, right before my 90 day probationary period is finished, and doesn't understand why I'm not happy that the big boss was told I'm looking! That's not help, that's career suicide.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: whatsanenigma on March 17, 2014, 05:35:12 PM
Today, coworker has a meeting with big boss.  She texted me at the end of the day that she'd told big boss I was looking for another job, and that I should really go talk to big boss because that way I'll be "protected" from boss.  I tell her that I'm not happy with her for doing that.  She replied, "I wasn't going to lie to the woman".  It's still not her business or information to share!  She's making me look bad, right before my 90 day probationary period is finished, and doesn't understand why I'm not happy that the big boss was told I'm looking! That's not help, that's career suicide.

I really really hope that big boss has the sense to not take her seriously.  Because how seriously could you take somebody who just randomly tells you that some other random person is looking for a new job? That's just a messed up thing to do.  Even if you were looking for a new job and you did need the help of big boss.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: squeakers on March 17, 2014, 05:45:36 PM
Yes. Using an ice scraper on the body of the car scratched it. My poor dad. He was horrified when he came out and saw what I was doing.

Again, I was young and didn't know better. But boy, did I think I was being helpful.

I think a lot of cold climate kids have done this.  I know I did (grew up where snow started early october and finished late may).  I've also stopped a neighbour's kid from going at it.

My boys did it.  It had been a terrible ice storm so no school, no work.  DH and I were sleeping in.  DH woke up and wondered what that odd rhythmic sound was.

Yeah, the boys were removing the ice from the cars using hammers.  Luckily we drive used cars so a few dings didn't really hurt them.

And it has become a Family Story that gets brought up every ice storm.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: JustEstelle on March 17, 2014, 10:21:07 PM
I just realized that I have a little kid helper story of my own.  I think I was about four years old when this happened - I know that I hadn't started school yet.  For some gift-giving occasion, someone had given me a set of child-sized garden tools - shovel, hoe, and rake - that really could be used for gardening.  My older brother - then about 15-ish - was given the chore of hoeing weeds in our vegetable garden.  Being a stubborn teen, DB insisted that it would only be fair if they made me help him.  I don't remember if my parents made me or I just thought it would be fun to work with DB, but I grabbed my hoe and went out to the garden with him.  He showed me what to chop and what to leave and set to work.  Well, being a somewhat flighty little kid, I soon grew bored and began darting around all over the garden, digging little holes.  DB saw me and called out, "What do you think you're doing?"  I yelled back in a shrill little-girl voice that carried all over the neighborhood, "WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING?!  I'M DIGGING KITTY-CAT POTTIES!!!!!!!!"  I guess I thought that I'd save Snowball the trouble of digging when she needed to go and give her several ready-made sites to choose from.  Needless to say, I never after that had to go "help" DB with a chore he'd been assigned.   ;D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Asharah on March 18, 2014, 09:45:42 AM
If she were a member, my Mom would have a story to post here about 5 year old me.

I wanted to help Mom in the garden. Walking carefully between the rows, I carefully pulled up all the carrots and put them in my little red wagon. Said carrots really weren't big enough to be harvested just yet.



[I still have that wagon. it's in my attic.]
Come on, haven't you heard of baby carrots?  ;D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: VorFemme on March 18, 2014, 11:21:36 AM
I was five(?) and "helping" set the table at Grandma's.  I got tired of taking one glass in each hand from the counter to the table, so I decided to be a BIG girl and grab two in each hand.

Three broken glasses, I stepped on some, and badly cut a toe that got me taken to the ER by Mom because it would NOT stop bleeding (I still have the scar fifty plus years later), and we got to eat hours later when we got back from the ER.

She did get a good story about how I'd holler, they'd ask if I felt it, I'd say "no", but then go back to hollering because they were sticking a needle in me!  Shots or sutures - I only like playing with needles when I'm stabbing fabric...or possibly draining something that might end up on the Gross Out thread.  I still don't like other people sticking sharp things in ME!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 18, 2014, 11:51:19 AM
I remember being mad because about 2 weeks prior to prom I still didn't have a date and said "Ah well, I'll just go by myself!"  Nope. I had to have a date.  Not a friend or group, an actual date.  Which surely she knew there was no way I'd get with that short notice.  I think she thought she was "saving me" from the embarrassment of not being able to get a date. 

And in all truth I probably did a fine job embarrassing myself in the following two weeks by trying to ask any boy I had an acquaintance with.  ::) :-[

By the way, this was '97 and plenty of my girl friends were going alone or as a group but since prom was 2 weeks out they'd already made their arrangements for transportation and such so I couldn't even ask if I could be included in with them.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: FauxFoodist on March 18, 2014, 02:37:26 PM
DH likes to have things a certain way and, early in our relationship just assumed I did, too.  He would do things like put together my lunch for work but pour a bunch of sauce all over the rice then mix everything up (the rice soaks up all the sauce in a matter of minutes and I never stir up my food so it's all combined).  I had to explain to him that I don't like my food that way.

DH and I were both attending a discussion group for which we were given handouts.  He lost his so asked to borrow mine.  These handouts were printed with a tearoff edge in case you want to separate the pages.  I never did.  DH, for some reason, liked to tear off the edge then staple everything back together.  Fine, that's for his handout.  He started to do that to mine, and I had a little cow and told him to figure out how to fix it (he hadn't torn it off completely so he taped it back together).  It makes no sense to me to tear off what's connecting the pages only to turn around and staple them back together again...IMMEDIATELY.  I had to have a little chat with him about assuming that just because he like things a certain way doesn't mean I want them that way, too.

DH had been helping me with a bunch of my things, and I told him not to donate anything without me checking through the boxes first to make sure he didn't donate something I wanted.  Guess what he did???  Yup, he came home and said, "There were a bunch of boxes that had such-and-such containers so I just donated everything."  I was pretty livid and said, "What did I say?  I have no idea what's in those boxes which is why I said not to donate ANYTHING without me having a chance to go through them."  He offered to go back to Goodwill and see if he could retrieve my stuff.  I took him up on it.  Fortunately for him (and me), the workers had not yet had a chance to go through the boxes so the contents were intact.  Sure enough, there were several things in those boxes I wanted to keep, and I pointed this out to him.

DH (again, poor DH!) accompanies me on mystery shops when they are for the movies or restaurants (my whole point of doing them is for us to see a movie or go out to eat for free or at a huge discount).  DH is a h-u-u-u-uge talker; he has a lot of difficulty keeping silent anywhere other than religious venues.  DH loves to talk to anyone and everyone under the sun wherever we are.  I've had to tell DH on more than one occasion that he needs to let me handle any questions from the employees at these places because I am assessing them.  He still screws things up (one time, we actually had to leave because he just put into action that which I wasn't supposed to do during the shop).  I told DH just a few days ago, that, from now on, I would just make sure to remind him before each shop that all questions from the employees need to be answered by ME (because he just won't remember and he feels he's "helping" by "being friendly" <-- he's not helping or being friendly if he's single-handedly invalidating my shop and risking my ability to get paid for it).

20+ years ago, *I* was the unwanted help.  I was 18 years old and, for some reason, thought that the proper thing to do when someone was ailing in the hospital was to show your support to that person and that person's family by visiting everyday...so I did.  My coworker (who I really only knew at work and had never met her family until she went into the hospital) had been in a pretty bad car accident (she ended up dying).  I thought it my duty to visit everyday and sit with the family (the hospital was a few blocks from where we worked).  I really didn't want to visit more than the once but felt that I should.  One day (after I'd visited for the 3rd or 4th day in a row), my assistant manager came up to me and said that the family felt they were getting too many outside visitors and requested no one visit anymore.  I was relieved and stopped (like I said -- I felt a sense of duty but really hated going).  <sigh>  I have absolutely no idea what my logic process was here, and I feel bad for intruding on this tough time for that family (my coworker was only 19 years old and got hurt as a result of another coworker's brother being drunk and crashing the vehicle they were all in into a tree; everyone else walked away unscathed -- she, from what I was told, was lying down in the back seat with her head near the side of the vehicle that collided with the tree).
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: rose red on March 18, 2014, 02:54:49 PM
DH likes to have things a certain way and, early in our relationship just assumed I did, too.  He would do things like put together my lunch for work but pour a bunch of sauce all over the rice then mix everything up (the rice soaks up all the sauce in a matter of minutes and I never stir up my food so it's all combined).  I had to explain to him that I don't like my food that way.

That reminds me of a story of a friend.  One time, we were at her parents house and they had food on the counter and we were to help ourselves.  My friend insist on "helping" me by serving me.  She gave me a huge serving of a side dish I hated, but no potatoes which I love.  Because she was on a low-carb diet at the time, it just never occurred to her that I would eat any different from her.  She's sweet but can have tunnel vision.  I couldn't say anything because I was a guest at her parents home and I only met them a few times at that point.  It's a different story these days ;).
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: CakeEater on March 18, 2014, 07:27:35 PM
PIL just left after an unscheduled 3 day visit. Not a problem, except MIL insists on helping by making meals. Little meals. Meals that will feed her and FIL and our two young kids, but not really enough for DH and I. So I have to try and supplement them by adding extra vegetables, adding bread to a meal we wouldn't ususally eat it with etc. Just let me cook our meals!

And I just opened my recipe book drawer and found two casserole dishes sitting on top of all the books. Who looks for a place to put away casserole dishes, opens a drawer, finds only a pile of recipe books, and thinks, 'Ah, here's the perfect spot!'?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: FauxFoodist on March 18, 2014, 09:38:36 PM
...

As for "Stop helping me" when DH and I are tidying he will pick up something that is mine (a peace of paper for eg) and try and hand it to me. doesn't matter what I am doing, he wants me to take it from him.

'Why of course I will take that important document that must be dealt with "right this second" while I am elbow deep in dish water."

Ha ha -- DH does this to me; in fact, he does it all the time.  I've learned to just tell him to set whatever it is aside.

Usually, in the morning, I am running late as I head out the door so I need to get out the door quickly.  DH will think he's helping by standing in front of the door then making me stand there and wait while he unlocks the door and opens it for me.  I've learned to ask DH to stand to the side of the door that doesn't swing open so he's not in my way.  Actually, DH has learned just to stay out of my way as I'm barreling through the hallway to get out the door.

DH really means well, he does.  However, he would be the poster child for so many of these situations where, essentially, he "means well" but messes things up instead (and doesn't understand why saying he's sorry and that he meant well doesn't automatically equal acceptance of his apology).
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Yvaine on March 18, 2014, 09:42:03 PM
...

As for "Stop helping me" when DH and I are tidying he will pick up something that is mine (a peace of paper for eg) and try and hand it to me. doesn't matter what I am doing, he wants me to take it from him.

'Why of course I will take that important document that must be dealt with "right this second" while I am elbow deep in dish water."

Ha ha -- DH does this to me; in fact, he does it all the time.  I've learned to just tell him to set whatever it is aside.


This is both every SO I've ever had and all my siblings when we were kids. "Where do you want this piece of paper? this paper clip? this dust bunny?" I always end up saying "Just start a box/pile of Yvaine's Stuff and I'll go through it later.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Cherry91 on March 19, 2014, 05:48:50 AM
Yes. Using an ice scraper on the body of the car scratched it. My poor dad. He was horrified when he came out and saw what I was doing.

Again, I was young and didn't know better. But boy, did I think I was being helpful.

I think a lot of cold climate kids have done this.  I know I did (grew up where snow started early october and finished late may).  I've also stopped a neighbour's kid from going at it.

My boys did it.  It had been a terrible ice storm so no school, no work.  DH and I were sleeping in.  DH woke up and wondered what that odd rhythmic sound was.

Yeah, the boys were removing the ice from the cars using hammers.  Luckily we drive used cars so a few dings didn't really hurt them.

And it has become a Family Story that gets brought up every ice storm.

My mother used to use the (cold!) kettle when she poured water on her car to thaw the windows because it was biggest than any of our jugs. When I was younger, I made the association that since she was using the kettle, the water inside must be hot, so as I was in the kitchen one day just before we got ready to leave, I turned the kettle on to boil. Fortunately it was pretty obvious what had happened, and she explained to me why putting boiling hot water on a freezing cold pane of glass was a bad idea, especially as I was usually already inside the car when she did this!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Dawse on March 19, 2014, 08:17:59 AM
... Are you all married to my dad? ;D He tries so hard to be helpful, but usually ends up creating more work for my mum. Like the time he put all the dirty washing away... I have no idea how he even managed that. It was mostly shirts and t-shirts, but still, you think he'd notice.

Or the time he came this close to donating all my childhood books - I'd packed them in boxes when I moved rooms, and for some reason or other they'd got put in the loft and never unpacked. Mum was clearing out and got them all down. She put them in the dining room for me to have a look through when I next visited - I'd long left home by then. Somehow Dad got it into his head they were for donating, and they got as far as his boot before Mum noticed. She read him the riot act over that one, which he responded to with his usual martyr act - 'How was I supposed to know they weren't for donating?' You didn't ask, you fool!

Mum's pretty much given up asking him to do any washing up, as she'll just have to redo it. And the tales of 'moving piles of stuff instead of actually putting them away' are very, very familiar.

My boyfriend's dad doesn't do any of that sort of stuff, fortunately. But I still wish he'd stop trying to 'help us out'. The current battle is over a hoover. He gave us our current one and sadly, it's useless. It always has been. The only part of it that works is the wand designed for corners, so hoovering my house takes forever, even with a reasonably sized head attachment. He bought it second hand from a house clearance auction, (which isn't in itself a bad thing, he's had some pretty nice furniture from them over the years) but it was sold as scrap, which probably explains why it's so awful. I don't think you're allowed to test electrical appliances before you buy them.

I made the mistake of mentioning that we were in the market for a new hoover, and he instantly offered to get one from a house clearance. This is very generous of him, make no mistake, and I am appreciative of the offer, but I just don't want a secondhand appliance, I want a new one. I don't want him to give us something else that doesn't work.

He has a tendency to 'insist' on helping us, to the point were it doesn't feel like help any more, it feels like he thinks we can't manage things on our own despite the fact we're well into our twenties. I appreciate that he cares, really I do, but I wish he wouldn't be quite so... enthusiastic in demonstrating it. There are many many examples, but you'll all think I'm ungrateful if I tell you about all of them, so I'll leave you with the hoover  ;D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: RingTailedLemur on March 19, 2014, 09:43:47 AM
I had a housemate who would just guess who was on the phone for me, so I'd get, "Lemur, phone for you, it's [name]".  I'd grab the phone, "Hi, [name], how are you?" only to find out it wasn't [name] but, on one occasion, a business contact I'd actually ended to impress.  When I asked the housemate why he'd said it was [name], he would just shrug and say, "I thought it was."  It took me a few goes to learn that one.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Ms_Cellany on March 19, 2014, 10:04:49 AM
<bg>A co-worker of mine, "Clara," is married to "Mitch," an eye doctor. Mitch is a very pushy person – once when we went over to dinner, he wanted me to try some anti-allergy eye drops, to the point that he grabbed my head and was trying to apply them non-consensually while I was squeezing my eyes shut and Clara and The Sweetie were yelling at him to stop. </bg>

Current situation: a different friend is giving me her chickens, plus the coop, fencing, and all appurtenances. I've put a call on Facebook for friends to help me transport  & set up everything. I've got it planned out nearly to the minute so the fence will be predator-proof by the end of the day. All volunteers so far are women.

Clara asked if we still needed help. Further discussion revealed that she was busy that day, so it would be just Mitch, who would also have to bring their three small children.

I said, "Probably best not to. Excitable kids and stressed chickens are a bad mix, and I think if we have Mitch, lesbians, and tools, mansplaining is going to happen and it won't go over well."

She laughed and agreed. Bless her.

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lynn2000 on March 19, 2014, 10:14:45 AM
I'm trying to describe how my boss recently wanted to help, without me seeming ungrateful... Basically, I was going to pay for some nice treats for the office staff on my own, from a nearby bakery that makes their own stuff, and the boss wanted instead to bring in a grocery store cake she'd had in her freezer for who knows how long. That we should only eat half of, so we could use the other half to celebrate someone's birthday several days later.

We both ended up bringing in what we wanted, and we were able to keep her cake in the office freezer until the birthday celebration. I do think those cakes are good, actually, but they're very small, and not exactly amenable to a quick nibble the way a plate of cookies is. The point was to have treats that would sit out all day to appease the staff who I had scheduled six straight hours of meetings for, that would start before the boss even came in.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on March 19, 2014, 10:18:59 AM

Clara asked if we still needed help. Further discussion revealed that she was busy that day, so it would be just Mitch, who would also have to bring their three small children.

I said, "Probably best not to. Excitable kids and stressed chickens are a bad mix, and I think if we have Mitch, lesbians, and tools, mansplaining is going to happen and it won't go over well."


Probably the clearest, most concise, and most polite rejection of help I have ever read. It should be a classic!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Ms_Cellany on March 19, 2014, 10:20:22 AM

Clara asked if we still needed help. Further discussion revealed that she was busy that day, so it would be just Mitch, who would also have to bring their three small children.

I said, "Probably best not to. Excitable kids and stressed chickens are a bad mix, and I think if we have Mitch, lesbians, and tools, mansplaining is going to happen and it won't go over well."


Probably the clearest, most concise, and most polite rejection of help I have ever read. It should be a classic!

Clara is an incredibly level-headed woman. I assume Mitch has virtues that have not been revealed to me.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Kari on March 20, 2014, 10:05:57 AM
My mother, bless her kind heart, has to be be kept away from my cast iron because she'll "helpfully" scrub them with soap, hot water, and a scouring pad to get that nasty shine off.

Both my parents love to help out with my job search with antiquated advice, and get very upset if I don't folow it. If I go into a certain business, I hear "Did you give them your resume? Why not?" Because, Mom and Dad, you can't always just hand off unsoliticed resumes everywhere you go anymore. They were once put out that I didn't hand a resume to my tour guide at the Library of Congress.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: alkira6 on March 20, 2014, 10:09:56 AM
...

As for "Stop helping me" when DH and I are tidying he will pick up something that is mine (a peace of paper for eg) and try and hand it to me. doesn't matter what I am doing, he wants me to take it from him.

'Why of course I will take that important document that must be dealt with "right this second" while I am elbow deep in dish water."

Ha ha -- DH does this to me; in fact, he does it all the time.  I've learned to just tell him to set whatever it is aside.


This is both every SO I've ever had and all my siblings when we were kids. "Where do you want this piece of paper? this paper clip? this dust bunny?" I always end up saying "Just start a box/pile of Yvaine's Stuff and I'll go through it later.

Honey do you want this?

What is this paper?

Where does this go?

Do you want me to get this up? (directly after sweeping everything into a pile)

 Here, I'll help by ignoring the pile of papers in the "to shred" box by the shredder and instead go into the filing cabinet which is arranged neatly and begin to shred those documents.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: jaxsue on March 20, 2014, 04:45:57 PM
Also, all the people at church who offer me a ride home...after I've called my parents to come get me (I don't have my license yet). I appreciate the thought, folks, but outside when my mom's 5 minutes away from the church is not the right time for that. *facepalm*

But how do they know your parents are on their way?  I have been the person offered rides and the person who offers rides.  I've always appreciated the offer, even if my ride is on its way; and I've always received a smile and thanks when I've offered, and I have been taken up on the offer sometimes.  So, this seems like you are annoyed they can't read your mind....

ITA. Someone is being nice, so why be annoyed?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Shalamar on March 20, 2014, 05:01:29 PM
Quote
He still screws things up (one time, we actually had to leave because he just put into action that which I wasn't supposed to do during the shop).

Oh dear!  I used to mystery shop myself, and I remember how strict they are about what you can and cannot do/say.  My sympathies.

I just remembered one - when my kids were young and my parents were visiting, Mum asked if I'd like anything from the grocery store.  I said "Oh, yes, please - we're all out of Fig Newtons."  When she got back, she handed me a package of the grocery store's generic fig bars.  I said "Um, not to be ungrateful, but these aren't Fig Newtons."  "Sure they are!  Okay, they're not the brand name, but they're just as good, and a lot cheaper!"  Except they WEREN'T just as good - they tasted weird, somehow, and my kids wouldn't eat them.  I ended up eating them.  Yuck.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 20, 2014, 08:56:41 PM
I had a housemate who would just guess who was on the phone for me, so I'd get, "Lemur, phone for you, it's [name]".  I'd grab the phone, "Hi, [name], how are you?" only to find out it wasn't [name] but, on one occasion, a business contact I'd actually ended to impress.  When I asked the housemate why he'd said it was [name], he would just shrug and say, "I thought it was."  It took me a few goes to learn that one.

My brother would do that to me on purpose for laughs.  ::) If it was the hubby he'd say it was our mother and vice versa.  He didn't do it a lot, only twice that I remember, actually.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: violinp on March 20, 2014, 09:04:58 PM
Also, all the people at church who offer me a ride home...after I've called my parents to come get me (I don't have my license yet). I appreciate the thought, folks, but outside when my mom's 5 minutes away from the church is not the right time for that. *facepalm*

But how do they know your parents are on their way?  I have been the person offered rides and the person who offers rides.  I've always appreciated the offer, even if my ride is on its way; and I've always received a smile and thanks when I've offered, and I have been taken up on the offer sometimes.  So, this seems like you are annoyed they can't read your mind....

ITA. Someone is being nice, so why be annoyed?

They were there when I called my parents. I have to call them when choir's over so they know to come for me.

Fortunately, this little annoyance has been solved, since I'm learning how to drive and thus can beg off because I need to practice.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Elisabunny on March 21, 2014, 12:38:30 PM
Quote
He still screws things up (one time, we actually had to leave because he just put into action that which I wasn't supposed to do during the shop).

Oh dear!  I used to mystery shop myself, and I remember how strict they are about what you can and cannot do/say.  My sympathies.

I just remembered one - when my kids were young and my parents were visiting, Mum asked if I'd like anything from the grocery store.  I said "Oh, yes, please - we're all out of Fig Newtons."  When she got back, she handed me a package of the grocery store's generic fig bars.  I said "Um, not to be ungrateful, but these aren't Fig Newtons."  "Sure they are!  Okay, they're not the brand name, but they're just as good, and a lot cheaper!"  Except they WEREN'T just as good - they tasted weird, somehow, and my kids wouldn't eat them.  I ended up eating them.  Yuck.

Store brands are funny.  Some really do taste like the name brand, usually because they are, just under a different label.  While others...don't.  I wouldn't buy someone the generic unless they specifically said it was ok.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lynn2000 on March 21, 2014, 02:37:04 PM
Quote
He still screws things up (one time, we actually had to leave because he just put into action that which I wasn't supposed to do during the shop).

Oh dear!  I used to mystery shop myself, and I remember how strict they are about what you can and cannot do/say.  My sympathies.

I just remembered one - when my kids were young and my parents were visiting, Mum asked if I'd like anything from the grocery store.  I said "Oh, yes, please - we're all out of Fig Newtons."  When she got back, she handed me a package of the grocery store's generic fig bars.  I said "Um, not to be ungrateful, but these aren't Fig Newtons."  "Sure they are!  Okay, they're not the brand name, but they're just as good, and a lot cheaper!"  Except they WEREN'T just as good - they tasted weird, somehow, and my kids wouldn't eat them.  I ended up eating them.  Yuck.

Store brands are funny.  Some really do taste like the name brand, usually because they are, just under a different label.  While others...don't.  I wouldn't buy someone the generic unless they specifically said it was ok.

If given this task, my dad would bring back Fig Newtons, generic fig bars, healthy energy fig bars, Raspberry Newtons, and Oreos, you know, just to make sure he got the right thing.

Which can be equally irritating, if now you have five boxes of cookies in the house, when just one was an indulgence; and five boxes to store instead of one; and the extra money spent (if you're my mom with a joint account). In that situation I would "help" by walking off with the Raspberry Newtons and the Oreos. :D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 21, 2014, 02:40:39 PM
I recall DH getting the commissary brand of mac & cheese once when we lived on base and the cheese (powdered) came out of the package in a clump that could not break up, let alone blend into the noodles.  He learned not all Mac & Cheeses are created equal.

However, the Martin's/Giant brand of shells and cheese isn't much different than Velveeta.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: whatsanenigma on March 21, 2014, 02:52:46 PM
Well, I have just thought of a question.  If somebody asked me to pick up "a box of Kleenex" at the store, I wouldn't necessarily get the "Kleenex" brand.  I wouldn't necessarily get the cheapest brand, but I wouldn't necessarily get the brand name either.

Would that count as "not helping"? In other words, do you always have to literally get what someone asked for, or are there cases where the name brand is used generally in which that doesn't apply?

(Personally, if I sent someone to a store with my money and asked for a box of Kleenex, and they spent twice as much to get what was literally Kleenex, I would be kind of irritated...but only at myself for speaking carelessly.  The person who brought it to me, I would thank profusely and appreciate their attention to detail.)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: nayberry on March 21, 2014, 03:05:02 PM
Well, I have just thought of a question.  If somebody asked me to pick up "a box of Kleenex" at the store, I wouldn't necessarily get the "Kleenex" brand.  I wouldn't necessarily get the cheapest brand, but I wouldn't necessarily get the brand name either.

Would that count as "not helping"? In other words, do you always have to literally get what someone asked for, or are there cases where the name brand is used generally in which that doesn't apply?

(Personally, if I sent someone to a store with my money and asked for a box of Kleenex, and they spent twice as much to get what was literally Kleenex, I would be kind of irritated...but only at myself for speaking carelessly.  The person who brought it to me, I would thank profusely and appreciate their attention to detail.)


to me asking for kleenex is asking for the brand  version, asking for tissues would lead me to ask if they had a preference.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Outdoor Girl on March 21, 2014, 03:11:35 PM
Kleenex has become the generic name in my area and, like whatsanenigma, I'd pick up the cheapest decent quality facial tissues there.  But if I had any doubt, I'd ask.

If my Dad was asking, I'd know I could pick up whatever.  But if it was my brother?  I'd ask.  We've had a couple of occasions where he put something on the shopping list, I picked up what I thought he wanted and got yelled at because it wasn't.  It wasn't a name brand/generic thing but it stuck with me enough that I'd ask to make sure.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lynn2000 on March 21, 2014, 03:21:29 PM
Well, I have just thought of a question.  If somebody asked me to pick up "a box of Kleenex" at the store, I wouldn't necessarily get the "Kleenex" brand.  I wouldn't necessarily get the cheapest brand, but I wouldn't necessarily get the brand name either.

Would that count as "not helping"? In other words, do you always have to literally get what someone asked for, or are there cases where the name brand is used generally in which that doesn't apply?

(Personally, if I sent someone to a store with my money and asked for a box of Kleenex, and they spent twice as much to get what was literally Kleenex, I would be kind of irritated...but only at myself for speaking carelessly.  The person who brought it to me, I would thank profusely and appreciate their attention to detail.)

Oh, I think it depends on a lot of things. When in doubt, going with what they asked for literally is probably the safest choice. If possible, I would clarify before leaving, or once I got to the store and saw all the choices. The problem with not taking it literally, when you're in doubt, is that you start imposing your own values on it. "Oh, any kind will do for me and I don't want to spend extra money. Surely she feels the same way! So I will get her store brand tissues even though she literally said Kleenex." Or, if it was me, I automatically translate "Kleenex" to "Puffs with lotion" in my mind, because that's what *I* like. And that's usually even more expensive, and not everyone likes the lotion.

With my dad it's just funny because you're like, "Dad, you and Mom have been married for over 40 years. Why would you think that when she said 'Fig Newtons,' she might possibly perhaps have actually meant 'Oreos'? And could you not have just called back and asked before buying out half the cookie aisle?" Actually it's nice sometimes, like when I'm sick and he's to bring me "orange juice," and I end up with three kinds of orange juice, two other juices, Cheez-Its, spray cheese, Puffs with lotion, three kinds of cold medicine, ginger ale, and Oreos. I would've felt bad asking for all of that, especially since he was paying, but since it was totally his choice... ;)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: CuriousParty on March 21, 2014, 07:05:55 PM
Quote
He still screws things up (one time, we actually had to leave because he just put into action that which I wasn't supposed to do during the shop).

Oh dear!  I used to mystery shop myself, and I remember how strict they are about what you can and cannot do/say.  My sympathies.

I just remembered one - when my kids were young and my parents were visiting, Mum asked if I'd like anything from the grocery store.  I said "Oh, yes, please - we're all out of Fig Newtons."  When she got back, she handed me a package of the grocery store's generic fig bars.  I said "Um, not to be ungrateful, but these aren't Fig Newtons."  "Sure they are!  Okay, they're not the brand name, but they're just as good, and a lot cheaper!"  Except they WEREN'T just as good - they tasted weird, somehow, and my kids wouldn't eat them.  I ended up eating them.  Yuck.

Store brands are funny.  Some really do taste like the name brand, usually because they are, just under a different label.  While others...don't.  I wouldn't buy someone the generic unless they specifically said it was ok.

If given this task, my dad would bring back Fig Newtons, generic fig bars, healthy energy fig bars, Raspberry Newtons, and Oreos, you know, just to make sure he got the right thing.

Which can be equally irritating, if now you have five boxes of cookies in the house, when just one was an indulgence; and five boxes to store instead of one; and the extra money spent (if you're my mom with a joint account). In that situation I would "help" by walking off with the Raspberry Newtons and the Oreos. :D

Sis??!?

You'd have to fight me for the Oreos, tho.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: siamesecat2965 on March 21, 2014, 07:46:28 PM
Well, I have just thought of a question.  If somebody asked me to pick up "a box of Kleenex" at the store, I wouldn't necessarily get the "Kleenex" brand.  I wouldn't necessarily get the cheapest brand, but I wouldn't necessarily get the brand name either.

Would that count as "not helping"? In other words, do you always have to literally get what someone asked for, or are there cases where the name brand is used generally in which that doesn't apply?

(Personally, if I sent someone to a store with my money and asked for a box of Kleenex, and they spent twice as much to get what was literally Kleenex, I would be kind of irritated...but only at myself for speaking carelessly.  The person who brought it to me, I would thank profusely and appreciate their attention to detail.)

For me this wouldn't be an issue since I have an annoying habit of asking exactly what it is someone wants. Due to me being extremely picky about a lot of things. So I'm the pest who asks 900 questions so as not to get the wrong thing. And if someone offers to pick something up for me, I can be annoyingly detailed in my request. It's gotten to the point that when I visit my mom, she will let me get whatever I need since she isn't as fussy as I am and this way I get exactly what I want
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: rose red on March 21, 2014, 07:49:29 PM
I recall DH getting the commissary brand of mac & cheese once when we lived on base and the cheese (powdered) came out of the package in a clump that could not break up, let alone blend into the noodles.  He learned not all Mac & Cheeses are created equal.

My friend "Mary's" mom thought she'd help Mary and her family save a few cents by buying them generic mac & cheese instead of their usual Kraft (which isn't pricey to begin with).  The food was so bad the kids couldn't keep it down and the grown ups didn't like it much either.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on March 21, 2014, 08:32:57 PM
Kleenex has become the generic name in my area and, like whatsanenigma, I'd pick up the cheapest decent quality facial tissues there.  But if I had any doubt, I'd ask.



It's a generic in my circles as well (all of them, all geographies, all places). So I'd probably ask before I left.

Or, I'd get Kleenex just because, well, I'd probably be the one buying them w/ my money, Or I'd figure I could cover the difference of they were usually more frugal. And in my experience most people are OK w/ the most famous brand; they usually buy other brands for price reasons only.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 21, 2014, 09:22:23 PM
Kleenex has become the generic name in my area and, like whatsanenigma, I'd pick up the cheapest decent quality facial tissues there.  But if I had any doubt, I'd ask.



It's a generic in my circles as well (all of them, all geographies, all places). So I'd probably ask before I left.

Or, I'd get Kleenex just because, well, I'd probably be the one buying them w/ my money, Or I'd figure I could cover the difference of they were usually more frugal. And in my experience most people are OK w/ the most famous brand; they usually buy other brands for price reasons only.

For something like Kleenex, I'd err on the side of the brand name because the difference is, what, a quarter?  For something more expensive, though, I'd ask.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 21, 2014, 09:39:21 PM
I recall DH getting the commissary brand of mac & cheese once when we lived on base and the cheese (powdered) came out of the package in a clump that could not break up, let alone blend into the noodles.  He learned not all Mac & Cheeses are created equal.

My friend "Mary's" mom thought she'd help Mary and her family save a few cents by buying them generic mac & cheese instead of their usual Kraft (which isn't pricey to begin with).  The food was so bad the kids couldn't keep it down and the grown ups didn't like it much either.


Indeed! I remember Jeff Foxworthy even joking about being in college and how broke students usually are by saying "Suave shampoo broke! Kraft Macaroni and cheese broke!" I mean it's usually around $1 a box, or so. 

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: guihong on March 21, 2014, 10:02:04 PM
I present Jeanne Robertson and her helpful husband Left-Brain  ;D: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YFRUSTiFUs
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MommyPenguin on March 21, 2014, 10:43:37 PM
I recall DH getting the commissary brand of mac & cheese once when we lived on base and the cheese (powdered) came out of the package in a clump that could not break up, let alone blend into the noodles.  He learned not all Mac & Cheeses are created equal.

My friend "Mary's" mom thought she'd help Mary and her family save a few cents by buying them generic mac & cheese instead of their usual Kraft (which isn't pricey to begin with).  The food was so bad the kids couldn't keep it down and the grown ups didn't like it much either.


Indeed! I remember Jeff Foxworthy even joking about being in college and how broke students usually are by saying "Suave shampoo broke! Kraft Macaroni and cheese broke!" I mean it's usually around $1 a box, or so.

In college, my husband used to eat Ramen (at 10 cents a pack, super cheap).  He didn't have a stove/kitchenette.  He'd eat it raw and crunchy.  The very idea gives me the shudders.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Dazi on March 21, 2014, 10:45:17 PM
I present Jeanne Robertson and her helpful husband Left-Brain  ;D: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YFRUSTiFUs
that's freaking hysterical
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: shadowfox79 on March 22, 2014, 05:16:53 AM
The generic-versus-brand-name thing is what really used to hack my mother off, because she is housebound and has carers who do her shopping.

On more than one occasion she has asked for something specific, clarified that she does actually want that, and they would come back with something else. "Oh, I know you said you wanted Sudafed, but Otrivine was cheaper!" (Yeah, and it doesn't work!) "Oh, I know you wanted Mellow Birds coffee, but I got this Asda brand instead." (Yuck!) "I know you said two bags of potatoes, but you'll only need one." (My daughter is coming down for Christmas with her husband - I said TWO because I will need TWO!) Drove her nuts.

Fortunately they seem to have finally got the message, possibly after one of them ended up lumbered with a bottle of a horribly sweet alcohol that Mum didn't want. She had asked for a box of chocolate liqueurs, the carer wrote it down wrong and came back with a bottle of chocolate liqueur. I gather it was vile.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Dindrane on March 25, 2014, 12:22:11 PM
I have a form that I sometimes need to send people to fill out and sign, which I then have to submit to another department in my organization. This form has pretty specific information at the bottom (underneath the signature lines) that I need to fill in, and the department that ultimately processes the form can't process it without that information. The form as a whole is fillable electronically, so I usually type in that information before I even send it out (because the space for it is teensy-tiny and it's easier to fit it all in if I type it).

I just got one of these forms back from someone who had very helpfully removed the information I took the time to type in. Either they found a copy of the form on their own (which can lead to submitting the wrong form, though it fortunately did not in this case, but also makes no sense because I emailed it!), or they actually took the time to delete the information from each of the fields I'd typed in. There's no option on this form to "clear all", so it would have had to be deliberate.

If it were a different type of form, I might guess that they thought the information they removed was too sensitive to leave in. But in this case, the information they had to fill in was pretty detailed personal information, and the information they removed was primarily my (work) contact information, so it really doesn't make any sense.

So I got to write in the same information I'd already typed, practicing my teensy-tiny handwriting, for no logical reason at all. So helpful!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Yvaine on March 25, 2014, 12:32:23 PM
I recall DH getting the commissary brand of mac & cheese once when we lived on base and the cheese (powdered) came out of the package in a clump that could not break up, let alone blend into the noodles.  He learned not all Mac & Cheeses are created equal.

My friend "Mary's" mom thought she'd help Mary and her family save a few cents by buying them generic mac & cheese instead of their usual Kraft (which isn't pricey to begin with).  The food was so bad the kids couldn't keep it down and the grown ups didn't like it much either.


Indeed! I remember Jeff Foxworthy even joking about being in college and how broke students usually are by saying "Suave shampoo broke! Kraft Macaroni and cheese broke!" I mean it's usually around $1 a box, or so.

Haha, i still use Suave--they have fakes of some nice salon stuff that work pretty well. Knock-off mac and cheese though? Bleurgh. I don't know what Kraft puts in theirs (crack?) but the fakes are not the same.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: siamesecat2965 on March 25, 2014, 12:43:56 PM
I present Jeanne Robertson and her helpful husband Left-Brain  ;D: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YFRUSTiFUs

I can't watch from work, but is this the one where she numbers her shopping list, and left-brain buys 1 bag of flour, 2 containers of eggs, and so on? I died when I saw this. She is funny!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 25, 2014, 01:59:27 PM
I watched the one about bringing a Baptist to Vegas and how her friend sat down at the slot machines a Baptist and got up an Episcopalian. :) As the latter, I found that quite funny! :)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cabbageweevil on March 26, 2014, 05:05:57 AM
Probably a dim question; but is the point here, that Baptists are forbidden to gamble, whereas Episcopalians are not; the lady in question found that she enjoyed gambling, hence her deciding on instant conversion?  Or are there greater subtleties which I'm missing?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 26, 2014, 05:52:03 AM
I get the impression that the friend didn't really convert but Jeanne was just joking since Episcopalians I guess are just known for  being more lax about those kinds of things.  We serve wine at communion and are allowed to serve wine at events.  Our church's biggest fundraiser is a nice dinner with a wine tasting before it.  And there's no rules against gambling, either.

We had one visiting priest while ours was on vacation and this visiting priest told a story about someone he knew in seminary who wanted to be Methodist but for some reason I can't remember he didn't make it as a Methodist pastor. So he and his wife ended up opening a bar and serving people.  His wife said to him that as owners of a restaurant/bar, they still hear people's problems, feed them and serve them drink so they'd effectively become Episcopalian.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cabbageweevil on March 26, 2014, 06:01:10 AM
Thanks -- I just wondered whether there might be extra significance, obscure to non-religious me.

I gather that there are numerous nice Catholic stories (can't think of an example right off the bat) about guys who studied for the priesthood for a greater or lesser amount of time, but for whatever reason, dropped out short of being ordained; and what they ended up doing instead. I believe that a gentleman in that position is sometimes referred to as a "clerical error".
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 26, 2014, 09:55:47 AM
Thanks -- I just wondered whether there might be extra significance, obscure to non-religious me.

I gather that there are numerous nice Catholic stories (can't think of an example right off the bat) about guys who studied for the priesthood for a greater or lesser amount of time, but for whatever reason, dropped out short of being ordained; and what they ended up doing instead. I believe that a gentleman in that position is sometimes referred to as a "clerical error".

There are tons of jokes centered around one denomination doing various things another "can't" do - drinking, dancing, etc.  ("How do you tell the difference between an X and a Y?  Xes will say hi when they see each other at the liquor store!")  And while it may be true that some Christian denominations tend to have stricter stances on these things, as a whole, none of them are totally 100%.  The vast majority of Catholics use birth control, for example, despite it being "against the rules."  Plenty of Baptists drink alcohol, plenty Disciples of Christ listen to instrumental music, etc.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Twik on March 26, 2014, 10:49:06 AM
Anglicans sometimes eat a whole meal with their salad fork....

(Yeah, that one was told to me by an Anglican priest.)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cabbageweevil on March 26, 2014, 02:15:17 PM
Anglicans sometimes eat a whole meal with their salad fork....

(Yeah, that one was told to me by an Anglican priest.)

Now this one, I do not get -- even though I'm English, though not brought up Anglican as such. (I'm not bugging folk for an explanation -- as is often observed, jokes cease to be very funny when explained, if they have to be !)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MyFamily on March 26, 2014, 03:11:49 PM
I present Jeanne Robertson and her helpful husband Left-Brain  ;D: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YFRUSTiFUs

I can't watch from work, but is this the one where she numbers her shopping list, and left-brain buys 1 bag of flour, 2 containers of eggs, and so on? I died when I saw this. She is funny!

I was just wondering!!  I love her videos.  Have you seen the one about left-brain not knowing the styles in New York City?  It was funny until the end, at which point I laughed so loud my husband was worried I'd wake up the kids.  Every time I need a laugh, I pull up that video or the shopping video.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on March 26, 2014, 04:18:44 PM
Anglicans sometimes eat a whole meal with their salad fork....

(Yeah, that one was told to me by an Anglican priest.)

Now this one, I do not get -- even though I'm English, though not brought up Anglican as such. (I'm not bugging folk for an explanation -- as is often observed, jokes cease to be very funny when explained, if they have to be !)

Methodist/Episcopalian with Lutherans, Presbyterians, Catholics, Baptists and Jews on the side. Sorry. I need help with this one, too. (US)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 26, 2014, 04:34:22 PM
Anglicans sometimes eat a whole meal with their salad fork....

(Yeah, that one was told to me by an Anglican priest.)

Now this one, I do not get -- even though I'm English, though not brought up Anglican as such. (I'm not bugging folk for an explanation -- as is often observed, jokes cease to be very funny when explained, if they have to be !)

Methodist/Episcopalian with Lutherans, Presbyterians, Catholics, Baptists and Jews on the side. Sorry. I need help with this one, too. (US)

It's not a joke I've heard, but here's a bunch of jokes (http://abamablog.blogspot.com/2006/08/few-religious-jokes.html) and one is a variant.  It's playing off the idea that Anglicans/Episcopalians have what seems like a lot of rules.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Twik on March 26, 2014, 04:40:44 PM
Anglicans sometimes eat a whole meal with their salad fork....

(Yeah, that one was told to me by an Anglican priest.)

Now this one, I do not get -- even though I'm English, though not brought up Anglican as such. (I'm not bugging folk for an explanation -- as is often observed, jokes cease to be very funny when explained, if they have to be !)

Anglicans don't have many non-Biblical prohibitions, but it's sometimes thought of as an "upper crust" religious sect. So, where one religion might ban alcohol or gambling, Anglicans would be horrified at someone eating a meal with the wrong fork. Sort of a play on making formal etiquette a religious requirement.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lynn2000 on March 26, 2014, 07:54:00 PM
At work today I had to do a procedure that was new to me, but someone else in the office had just done it earlier this week, I was told, and wrote instructions, so I don't have to figure it out on my own. Great!

Except it was one of the worst sets of directions I have ever read. It was very vague, left out a lot of important stuff, and was actually filed in the wrong place--so you thought you'd use X with it, because that's where it was filed, but really you were supposed to use Y. Imagine a recipe that says "milk" when it means "buttermilk," leaves out bits like greasing the pan, and is filed under "slow cooker recipes" when really, you're supposed to use the stove.

I only figured out the last bit because I saw some packaging the co-worker had thrown away, which clued me in that it was filed wrong. In other words, my co-worker's trash was more informative than her instructions. And, there's part of her instructions that I still haven't found precedent for, so I have no idea where she got that from.

It would have been faster, and far less frustrating, for me to just figure it out on my own.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 26, 2014, 08:37:00 PM
Anglicans sometimes eat a whole meal with their salad fork....

(Yeah, that one was told to me by an Anglican priest.)

Now this one, I do not get -- even though I'm English, though not brought up Anglican as such. (I'm not bugging folk for an explanation -- as is often observed, jokes cease to be very funny when explained, if they have to be !)

Anglicans don't have many non-Biblical prohibitions, but it's sometimes thought of as an "upper crust" religious sect. So, where one religion might ban alcohol or gambling, Anglicans would be horrified at someone eating a meal with the wrong fork. Sort of a play on making formal etiquette a religious requirement.

I've been told that our church, 30 years ago, was kinda known as the "rich" church and was kind of like an exclusive church for the community's affluent members.  One of the older members and his wife started going and put some changes into effect so now it's a lot more open, warm and welcoming to anyone from any walk of life.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cabbageweevil on March 27, 2014, 03:46:21 AM
It's not a joke I've heard, but here's a bunch of jokes (http://abamablog.blogspot.com/2006/08/few-religious-jokes.html) and one is a variant.  It's playing off the idea that Anglicans/Episcopalians have what seems like a lot of rules.

A fun assortment -- thanks. (I was still baffled by the other two of the three Episcopalian jokes, though -- it's probably a "transatlantic" thing !)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cabbageweevil on March 27, 2014, 03:52:47 AM
Anglicans sometimes eat a whole meal with their salad fork....

(Yeah, that one was told to me by an Anglican priest.)

Now this one, I do not get -- even though I'm English, though not brought up Anglican as such. (I'm not bugging folk for an explanation -- as is often observed, jokes cease to be very funny when explained, if they have to be !)

Anglicans don't have many non-Biblical prohibitions, but it's sometimes thought of as an "upper crust" religious sect. So, where one religion might ban alcohol or gambling, Anglicans would be horrified at someone eating a meal with the wrong fork. Sort of a play on making formal etiquette a religious requirement.

I've been told that our church, 30 years ago, was kinda known as the "rich" church and was kind of like an exclusive church for the community's affluent members.  One of the older members and his wife started going and put some changes into effect so now it's a lot more open, warm and welcoming to anyone from any walk of life.

I get it now -- thanks. Over here, there's plenty of (mostly) affectionate mockery between different branches of Christianity -- but I don't think any of those concerned are particularly thought of here, as etiquette sticklers !  Though in England there is something of a traditional feeling that the Anglican church tends to be upper- and middle-class territory, whereas working folk have tended to gravitate rather, to the more low-church Protestant denominations.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: JustEstelle on March 28, 2014, 12:11:52 AM
To bring the discussion back on topic (i.e., people "helping" and creating problems), I have another story to submit.

I made dinner this evening.  DH was doing something outside, so I just set the pot off the burner and put a lit on it to keep the food warm (sometimes he takes his good, sweet time when he's in the middle of something).  I thought he'd come in, wash his hands and then sit down to be served.  No.  He went to the sink and started washing up the items I'd used in the food prep (I'd set them in the sink and run water in items with a squirt of dish soap to soak until after dinner).  This isn't the first time he's done this and cleaned up before I had a chance to do it myself.  It's bothersome because sometimes I want to put things through the dishwasher to be sanitized and he hand washes them.  I usually sneak those items into the dishwasher and sanitize them when he's moved on to something else.  Anyway, tonight it just really irritated me because, with him taking up the sink area and most of the counter with his washing stuff, I couldn't plate the food until he moved out of the way.  So I wound up having to sit down and wait for him to finish. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Dindrane on March 28, 2014, 12:51:02 AM
In that situation, I would talk to your DH about his habit of washing up while dinner is sitting on the stove ready to be plated.

My husband comes from a family where all dishes are washed and the kitchen is cleaned before anyone sits down to eat. His family has logical reasons for this (it's a combination of living in a warm and humid area that is prone to bug issues, and a rather heightened desire for neatness), but I hate it. For the first few months that we lived together, we always ate dinner lukewarm at best, because my husband would insist on bringing the state of the kitchen to "spotless" before we ate. It was especially difficult for me, because my family operated more with the "leave all the dishes in the sink to wash up after dinner unless you need them sooner" method of doing things.

Our compromise now is that whatever dishes can be washed while waiting for food to cook get washed. Anything that needs to actually soak (because of cooked-on food or whatever) gets filled with water and dish soap before dinner. But everything else waits until after we eat. You might suggest a similar "rule" to your husband if this is a recurring problem.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: aiki on March 28, 2014, 05:21:48 AM
On more than one occasion she has asked for something specific, clarified that she does actually want that, and they would come back with something else. "Oh, I know you said you wanted Sudafed, but Otrivine was cheaper!" (Yeah, and it doesn't work!) "Oh, I know you wanted Mellow Birds coffee, but I got this Asda brand instead." (Yuck!) "I know you said two bags of potatoes, but you'll only need one." (My daughter is coming down for Christmas with her husband - I said TWO because I will need TWO!) Drove her nuts.

Online shopping must be a godsend for her. Simply click and get exactly what you want...
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Dazi on March 28, 2014, 05:57:40 AM
The generic-versus-brand-name thing is what really used to hack my mother off, because she is housebound and has carers who do her shopping.

On more than one occasion she has asked for something specific, clarified that she does actually want that, and they would come back with something else. "Oh, I know you said you wanted Sudafed, but Otrivine was cheaper!" (Yeah, and it doesn't work!) "Oh, I know you wanted Mellow Birds coffee, but I got this Asda brand instead." (Yuck!) "I know you said two bags of potatoes, but you'll only need one." (My daughter is coming down for Christmas with her husband - I said TWO because I will need TWO!) Drove her nuts.

Fortunately they seem to have finally got the message, possibly after one of them ended up lumbered with a bottle of a horribly sweet alcohol that Mum didn't want. She had asked for a box of chocolate liqueurs, the carer wrote it down wrong and came back with a bottle of chocolate liqueur. I gather it was vile.

Many moons ago I worked in a grocery store.  At the time I often did the shopping for those that needed it done, usually either home bound or those with vision problems/blind.  I was actually one of the mid rung managers, so not really part of my job per se, but so many people specifically asked for me because I got them exactly what they asked for or the nearest equivalent if something was not available (calling to clarify anything that I didn't understand or to okay a substitute prior to actually putting it with their order).

Many places and other people just chucked whatever, ignored name brand request, and subbed whatever they felt like.  The one that stands out was a lady who wanted X amount of vanilla beans and someone got her a big bottle of imitation vanilla extract.   ??? I personally walked over her vanilla beans as she lived in the senior complex across the street and explained to the person doing the shopping how those were not remotely the same.  His response was along the lines of he didn't know the difference so he picked up what his mother usually bought.


My name brand vs generic peeve is with tissues.  When I'm sick and snotty I want Puffs with lotion and no other kind will do.  My nose gets all red, sore, crusty, flaky and peels otherwise.  I don't mean I want Kleenex, I don't give a dingdangity what is on sale, I want exactly what I wrote down. Same thing with pain relievers, the only OTC thing I can use is Tylenol/acetaminophen (this is doctor ordered. Years ago a Friend went to the store for me while I was sick.  I wrote out a very detailed list and specifically stated on the list and to them in person that it was very important not to stray or substitute products due to allergies and doctor restrictions on drugs.  I had to take back the whole order with 103 fever because there was not a single thing I could use in it.  They picked up Aleve (I am not allowed to take NSAIDS because of bleeding issues), soup that the primary ingredient I can't eat, Sudefed that sky rockets my blood pressure, generic brand tissues, and the list went on. I was not the least bit happy about the whole hot mess.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cabbageweevil on March 28, 2014, 06:18:50 AM
In that situation, I would talk to your DH about his habit of washing up while dinner is sitting on the stove ready to be plated.

My husband comes from a family where all dishes are washed and the kitchen is cleaned before anyone sits down to eat. His family has logical reasons for this (it's a combination of living in a warm and humid area that is prone to bug issues, and a rather heightened desire for neatness), but I hate it. For the first few months that we lived together, we always ate dinner lukewarm at best, because my husband would insist on bringing the state of the kitchen to "spotless" before we ate. It was especially difficult for me, because my family operated more with the "leave all the dishes in the sink to wash up after dinner unless you need them sooner" method of doing things.

Our compromise now is that whatever dishes can be washed while waiting for food to cook get washed. Anything that needs to actually soak (because of cooked-on food or whatever) gets filled with water and dish soap before dinner. But everything else waits until after we eat. You might suggest a similar "rule" to your husband if this is a recurring problem.

Dindrane: re your husband's family's way of doing things -- I feel for you.  I reckon that having that procedure forced on me, would drive me insane. Honestly, it strikes me as perverse -- warm humid bug-rich environment, or not.  It would seem largely to take away the point of cooking at all...  Glad to learn that your husband has been amenable to a sensible compromise.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: nayberry on March 28, 2014, 06:44:03 AM
In that situation, I would talk to your DH about his habit of washing up while dinner is sitting on the stove ready to be plated.

My husband comes from a family where all dishes are washed and the kitchen is cleaned before anyone sits down to eat. His family has logical reasons for this (it's a combination of living in a warm and humid area that is prone to bug issues, and a rather heightened desire for neatness), but I hate it. For the first few months that we lived together, we always ate dinner lukewarm at best, because my husband would insist on bringing the state of the kitchen to "spotless" before we ate. It was especially difficult for me, because my family operated more with the "leave all the dishes in the sink to wash up after dinner unless you need them sooner" method of doing things.

Our compromise now is that whatever dishes can be washed while waiting for food to cook get washed. Anything that needs to actually soak (because of cooked-on food or whatever) gets filled with water and dish soap before dinner. But everything else waits until after we eat. You might suggest a similar "rule" to your husband if this is a recurring problem.

Dindrane: re your husband's family's way of doing things -- I feel for you.  I reckon that having that procedure forced on me, would drive me insane. Honestly, it strikes me as perverse -- warm humid bug-rich environment, or not.  It would seem largely to take away the point of cooking at all...  Glad to learn that your husband has been amenable to a sensible compromise.

i have an aunt who thought that i should wash my dishes before eating.  she was firmly told that i would do them as soon as i'd eaten as i like my food to be hot when i eat it. 


background to this, i was staying at my grandparents for a few weeks and gma would go and do any dishes that were left, even if just for a few minutes.  gma and i had discussed it and she said that if she got to them first she was doing them and i couldn't stop her :P 
aunt is very much a SS and quite often left her dishes so i don't know why she thought it was any of her business.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Bethalize on March 28, 2014, 08:48:51 AM
Anglicans sometimes eat a whole meal with their salad fork....

(Yeah, that one was told to me by an Anglican priest.)

Now this one, I do not get -- even though I'm English, though not brought up Anglican as such. (I'm not bugging folk for an explanation -- as is often observed, jokes cease to be very funny when explained, if they have to be !)

Anglicans don't have many non-Biblical prohibitions, but it's sometimes thought of as an "upper crust" religious sect. So, where one religion might ban alcohol or gambling, Anglicans would be horrified at someone eating a meal with the wrong fork. Sort of a play on making formal etiquette a religious requirement.

As an addition to that, it's okay in the UK to eat a main course with only your fork so long as it is only your fork. You cannot switch between knife-and-fork and just fork. Then pudding is ALWAYS eaten with a fork. Lots of people will say that they use spoons (and very sensible that is too) but if one was U it was a fork or go without.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: alkira6 on March 28, 2014, 11:12:02 AM
I have kind of given up on getting my husband to get the exact thing if I don't tell him explicitly.  Things are getting better on the grocery front because he is the main cook now (he took over in January) and he has realized that not all products are created equal.  The first time he went grocery shopping on his own with his own list he came home gloating about how much money he saved.  I told him to compare the ingredient against the list of things that I can't have or are allergic to.  80% of his groceries was on the "no" list for me.  The others were generics or brands that didn't suit my tastes.  he could definitely tell the difference in quality when he cooked.

He's back to writing down the brand and size when he uses the last of something so that he buys the exact same thing the next time he shops.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Asharah on March 28, 2014, 12:25:08 PM
I remember a story, possibly true where a guy walked into a home supply store and handed the clerk a note. It was from the girlfriend, explaining boyfriend if sweet but "color-coordination" impaired. They need either a beige or peach shower curtain liner. If he says pink, just give him the beige or peach and tell him it's pink.  ;D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: dinvancouver on March 28, 2014, 01:27:10 PM
As a costumer who works with high quality fabric and turns out work that's either professional quality or close to it, all these stories of people forcefully "helping" with laundry, when they obviously don't know how to do it, don't care to know, or have some seriously misguided ideas about how it should be done (Like insisting EVERYTHING be washed in hot water) have me cringing.
I've got garments made of wool, silk, embroidered cotton, brocade, and unique fashion fabrics that the local stores only ever got one shipment of, and will likely never have again. And I've got things that took in excess of 50 hours to make. Anyone who wrecked all of that (in some cases irreplaceable) hard work would be getting off cheap if all I did was bill them for the cost of the fabric, as opposed to billing them for labor costs on top of that.

I don't know what goes through these people's heads- is it some desire to force their will on others, no matter what the other person wants or needs?

As for "helping", I've got one. It concerns my senior Prom in High School.
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I'm just not a "formal gown" type of person. So a traditional prom dress was right out- my parents made me try one on, and it felt more fake and "costumey" on me than anything that's ever come off my sewing machine. Our first day shopping, my mom came at me with such a long list of "You are not's", that I may as well have said "Screw it then, I'm staying home". My mom kept showing me matronly dresses that looked like something she might wear to work. Finally we found a dressy pantsuit that I liked. Even then, she just wanted to foist so many things on me- uncomfortable dress shoes that ended up killing my feet. Accessories that she pretty much picked out. And makeup. Oh gods, that. She insisted I wear it, and would not let me leave the house without it, even though I have serious tomboy tendencies and  don't ever wear the stuff. She told me I looked dumpy without it, and finished off by crying- "It's your prom, I'm exited and I want to help!", she sobbed. Never mind that her "help" pretty much involved pushing out a lot of what I might have wanted, and imposing her own vision on me. In the end, I looked like Cruella DeVille with that facepaint on. In photos it sticks out like a sore thumb, looking completely artificial.

Had my friends and I gotten our way, we might have done something off the wall, memorable, and cool. We were thinking that historical dress from various time periods and places would look awesome. Some of my friends were thinking 18th century Europe, I would have gone with Edo period Japan. Unfortunately the idea died due to a variety of factors- one was that in the late 90's, there were not nearly as many resources for historical garb as there are now, so buying, renting, or making the stuff was a harder proposition. And in my case, my mother singlehandedly killed it. One of her "You are nots" was "You are not leaving the house dressed like some otherworldly...thing".
Funny, I never considered Kimono to be "otherworldly", but anyhow..
So in the end, Prom didn't even end up feeling like my event at all. It was all about how my mom insisted it be. All the more reason she won't be "helping" if I ever have a wedding to plan.

I am sooooo sorry this happened to you. My daughter wants to be a costumer. She has already made a lot of nifty stuff. If she and the group she went with had suggested something like this I would have done my standard "my daughter is being unusual mode" - nod, smile and say "alright honey - do you need help with anything?"

I have helped - with making a set of articulated dragon wings. :-)

I hope you mother is a little more supportive now. To late for the prom, but still.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: SamiHami on March 28, 2014, 01:40:21 PM
I have kind of given up on getting my husband to get the exact thing if I don't tell him explicitly.  Things are getting better on the grocery front because he is the main cook now (he took over in January) and he has realized that not all products are created equal.  The first time he went grocery shopping on his own with his own list he came home gloating about how much money he saved.  I told him to compare the ingredient against the list of things that I can't have or are allergic to.  80% of his groceries was on the "no" list for me.  The others were generics or brands that didn't suit my tastes.  he could definitely tell the difference in quality when he cooked.

He's back to writing down the brand and size when he uses the last of something so that he buys the exact same thing the next time he shops.

DH and I have both been known to take pictures of packages with our cell phones so we can refer to them when shopping.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Amanita on March 28, 2014, 02:30:38 PM

I am sooooo sorry this happened to you. My daughter wants to be a costumer. She has already made a lot of nifty stuff. If she and the group she went with had suggested something like this I would have done my standard "my daughter is being unusual mode" - nod, smile and say "alright honey - do you need help with anything?"

I have helped - with making a set of articulated dragon wings. :-)

I hope you mother is a little more supportive now. To late for the prom, but still.

I think she accepts my costuming a little more now, which is better than outright attacks and dismissal. Unfortunately I'll never get to do anything like what I wanted for prom, as there's precious little tolerance for that kind of self expression at "adult" formal events.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: whatsanenigma on March 28, 2014, 02:34:41 PM

I am sooooo sorry this happened to you. My daughter wants to be a costumer. She has already made a lot of nifty stuff. If she and the group she went with had suggested something like this I would have done my standard "my daughter is being unusual mode" - nod, smile and say "alright honey - do you need help with anything?"

I have helped - with making a set of articulated dragon wings. :-)

I hope you mother is a little more supportive now. To late for the prom, but still.

I think she accepts my costuming a little more now, which is better than outright attacks and dismissal. Unfortunately I'll never get to do anything like what I wanted for prom, as there's precious little tolerance for that kind of self expression at "adult" formal events.

I work at a university.  Once a year (I'm not sure of the time frame) they have a "second chance prom", which got started as a way to allow GLBT people of any age who missed their own proms due to not being able to go with the person of their choice a "second chance", but it's open to anyone who missed out on prom or just wants to redo it or whatever.  I've never been, but I get so tempted.  I might very well do it next time.

Maybe there is something like that near you.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Firecat on March 28, 2014, 03:20:55 PM

I am sooooo sorry this happened to you. My daughter wants to be a costumer. She has already made a lot of nifty stuff. If she and the group she went with had suggested something like this I would have done my standard "my daughter is being unusual mode" - nod, smile and say "alright honey - do you need help with anything?"

I have helped - with making a set of articulated dragon wings. :-)

I hope you mother is a little more supportive now. To late for the prom, but still.

I think she accepts my costuming a little more now, which is better than outright attacks and dismissal. Unfortunately I'll never get to do anything like what I wanted for prom, as there's precious little tolerance for that kind of self expression at "adult" formal events.

I work at a university.  Once a year (I'm not sure of the time frame) they have a "second chance prom", which got started as a way to allow GLBT people of any age who missed their own proms due to not being able to go with the person of their choice a "second chance", but it's open to anyone who missed out on prom or just wants to redo it or whatever.  I've never been, but I get so tempted.  I might very well do it next time.

Maybe there is something like that near you.

You could also check for a geek prom or a goth prom near you. Both have been held in my area. One of the local science fiction conventions also does a masquerade ball.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Amanita on March 28, 2014, 04:02:44 PM
Sounds like fun:)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Elfmama on March 28, 2014, 04:31:41 PM
I am very wary of sending DH to the store for me, detailed list or not.  Because he WILL buy something else than what I said I wanted.

One time was when we were living with the ILs for a short time.  It is important to remember for this story that MIL used no spices, herbs, or other flavoring in her food, not even salt, pepper, garlic, or onions, so I couldn't use the things that were already on-hand. ("Only stinky foreigners eat onion and garlic!"  ::) ) They were going out for the evening, so I decided to make pizza, a food that never appeared on her table.

I sent DH for this:

Flour
Salt
Packet of dry yeast
1 onion
1 bulb garlic
can of tomato paste with Italian seasonings
8 oz pkg of sliced ham, or smaller if they had one.
8 oz Mozzarella cheese, any brand but Kraft

We were living on a VERY tight budget, and this was intended to minimize the expense. 

I did get the flour and salt, but everything else he decided to get what he thought I ought to want.  I got:

A cake of yeast, kind of a damp cube.  A form that I'd never used before and haven't seen since, probably because it didn't rise properly.
No onion
No garlic
Tomato paste with garlic and onion
Bottle of Italian herbs
1 pound of sliced deli honey-baked ham
1 pound Kraft mozzarella

He had excuses for all of it.  "I got that kind of tomato paste so I didn't have to get garlic and onions.  And deli ham tastes better than packaged.  And that was the only kind of yeast and mozzarella I could find.  What do you mean, an onion is cheaper than Italian seasoning?"  He'd spent at least twice what I'd budgeted, even more than the price of a delivery pizza.

And MIL had the utter gall to say "Why are you making such a fuss over a lousy pizza?"
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 28, 2014, 08:21:13 PM
I remembered something.  Okay I will start off by saying I think I've wanted to be a redhead ever since I saw "Annie" and as many of my movie/book idols growing up were redheads (Pippi, Anne Shirley, Ariel, etc) I was sure that red hair was prettier than any other color.  Or actually it was this odd notion that if I had red hair I'd be more like these characters. My natural color was a dark brown with reddish highlights. 

Well I wasn't allowed to color my hair while living at home, even after an aunt pointed out when I was 17 that I was already getting gray hairs.

So sometime in my freshman year, I bought a kit and I can't remember if I'd asked this girl to help me or she'd volunteered but either way, she wasn't allowed near my head again with a coloring bottle again.  I ended up with patches of the new color amongst my natural color and it looked AWFUL!  I mean I had figured that since she could see my whole head better than I could, and she'd colored her hair before with good results, she'd know what she was doing.

Though...in looking back I sometimes wonder if she did it on purpose and seemed to see me as competition, despite the fact that when he was free before he and I had hooked up, she had no interest in him at all.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Harriet Jones on March 29, 2014, 06:40:57 AM
Anglicans sometimes eat a whole meal with their salad fork....

(Yeah, that one was told to me by an Anglican priest.)

Now this one, I do not get -- even though I'm English, though not brought up Anglican as such. (I'm not bugging folk for an explanation -- as is often observed, jokes cease to be very funny when explained, if they have to be !)

Anglicans don't have many non-Biblical prohibitions, but it's sometimes thought of as an "upper crust" religious sect. So, where one religion might ban alcohol or gambling, Anglicans would be horrified at someone eating a meal with the wrong fork. Sort of a play on making formal etiquette a religious requirement.

As an addition to that, it's okay in the UK to eat a main course with only your fork so long as it is only your fork. You cannot switch between knife-and-fork and just fork. Then pudding is ALWAYS eaten with a fork. Lots of people will say that they use spoons (and very sensible that is too) but if one was U it was a fork or go without.

I'm not sure I understand this -- does this mean you have to hold the knife through the whole course even if you happen to be done with the part of the course that needs the knife?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Bethalize on March 29, 2014, 06:51:29 AM
I'm not sure I understand this -- does this mean you have to hold the knife through the whole course even if you happen to be done with the part of the course that needs the knife?

No, once you put your knife down (and switch your fork to your right hand) it stays down. If you are sitting down and can use your knife you must keep it in your right hand and your fork in your left.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Harriet Jones on March 29, 2014, 07:01:37 AM
And never pick it up again?  ;)   It seems weird that if you missed cutting off a piece of gristle, you'd be considered gauche if you had to pick your knife up again.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: PastryGoddess on March 29, 2014, 07:45:26 AM
And never pick it up again?  ;)   It seems weird that if you missed cutting off a piece of gristle, you'd be considered gauche if you had to pick your knife up again.

Indeed.  I'll take being gauche over eating gristle any day of the week
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: perpetua on March 29, 2014, 10:28:03 AM
And never pick it up again?  ;)   It seems weird that if you missed cutting off a piece of gristle, you'd be considered gauche if you had to pick your knife up again.

Indeed.  I'll take being gauche over eating gristle any day of the week

Don't forget though, we don't do the putting-our-knife-down-and-swapping-hands thing. So - and having to think about how I eat is really weird when I'm not actually eating - I don't think my knife would be put down anyway, it would be in my hand all the time I was eating.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: FauxFoodist on March 29, 2014, 12:57:52 PM
And never pick it up again?  ;)   It seems weird that if you missed cutting off a piece of gristle, you'd be considered gauche if you had to pick your knife up again.

Indeed.  I'll take being gauche over eating gristle any day of the week

Don't forget though, we don't do the putting-our-knife-down-and-swapping-hands thing. So - and having to think about how I eat is really weird when I'm not actually eating - I don't think my knife would be put down anyway, it would be in my hand all the time I was eating.

I've never done the swapping hands thing either, except once.  I'm a lefty (but dual-handed) so my knife is in my left.  However, I probably would still do it that way if I were right-handed.  In my ethnic heritage, we eat with the fork in our left and the spoon in our right (the spoon is the vessel to bring food to the mouth).  Knives are, oddly, nowhere to be found.  Frankly, I don't care if having the knife in my left is considered gauche.  After I tried swapping hands the one time, I found it incredibly annoying and realized I really don't care if someone has a problem with me eating knife in left and fork in right (and no one has anyway but, if someone did, that's their blood vessel to burst -- it's not my problem if they have a problem with what I find to be an odd rule).  I, as a rule, eat with a salad fork or a teaspoon anyway (I find standard fork tines and spoons to big for my comfort for my mouth).

I'd add a stop-helping-me story to get us back on topic, but I can't think of one.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Bethalize on March 29, 2014, 04:54:19 PM
And never pick it up again?  ;)   It seems weird that if you missed cutting off a piece of gristle, you'd be considered gauche if you had to pick your knife up again.

Don't forget that at a plated dinner you wouldn't put your knife down. You'd only put it down for things like buffet suppers (or "fork" suppers).
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Katana_Geldar on March 29, 2014, 05:00:52 PM
I find I actually can do the hand swapping, which I'm told is actually American. It's an acceptable way of eating so I'm not fussed.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: JustEstelle on March 29, 2014, 05:29:35 PM
Could we move the table etiquette posts to their own thread, please?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Shalamar on March 29, 2014, 05:40:37 PM
I'm a little odd in that I like cheese when it's started to get a bit dried out and hard, especially Swiss cheese.   My husband knows this, and yet ...

Me:   Where's that piece of Swiss cheese that was in the fridge?
Husband:   *virtuously*.  It was getting dried out, so I ate it.
Me:   But I LIKE dried out cheese!
Husband:   Oh.   Right.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: StarFaerie on March 29, 2014, 05:52:18 PM
I'm a little odd in that I like cheese when it's started to get a bit dried out and hard, especially Swiss cheese.   My husband knows this, and yet ...

Me:   Where's that piece of Swiss cheese that was in the fridge?
Husband:   *virtuously*.  It was getting dried out, so I ate it.
Me:   But I LIKE dried out cheese!
Husband:   Oh.   Right.

I don't quite understand this. What's bad about eating it? Isn't that what it's there for and what you were going to do with it?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on March 29, 2014, 05:58:16 PM
I'm a little odd in that I like cheese when it's started to get a bit dried out and hard, especially Swiss cheese.   My husband knows this, and yet ...

Me:   Where's that piece of Swiss cheese that was in the fridge?
Husband:   *virtuously*.  It was getting dried out, so I ate it.
Me:   But I LIKE dried out cheese!
Husband:   Oh.   Right.


Oh, that reminds me!

I love those "cigarette" cookies--the rolled up crisp cookies with the cream in the middle. Friends of ours lived near a bakery that made their own, and they were SWOONY!!

So for my b'day, they bought me a box. Many of them. I was carefully working my way through them, savoring every one and keeping an eye out for them not tasting as good. They were lasting just fine, and I was down to about 8. I come in the kitchen and there are TWO!!!

"What happened to my cookies?" I asked. "Oh," says my husband, they've been there a while so I was helping you eat them up."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on March 29, 2014, 06:00:06 PM
I'm a little odd in that I like cheese when it's started to get a bit dried out and hard, especially Swiss cheese.   My husband knows this, and yet ...

Me:   Where's that piece of Swiss cheese that was in the fridge?
Husband:   *virtuously*.  It was getting dried out, so I ate it.
Me:   But I LIKE dried out cheese!
Husband:   Oh.   Right.

I don't quite understand this. What's bad about eating it? Isn't that what it's there for and what you were going to do with it?

He didn't eat it because he actually wanted it. If he'd said, "Oh, yes, I love it when it gets dried out, so I ate it," or if he'd said, "I was having spaghetti and wanted grated cheese, and I used it up," it would have been fine. Sad for the OP, of course, but hey, he's entitled to eat the cheese.

However, he only ate it because he thought it could "clean out" the fridge and was being helpful. However, he forgot that he was eating someone else's treat.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: StarFaerie on March 29, 2014, 07:44:15 PM
I'm a little odd in that I like cheese when it's started to get a bit dried out and hard, especially Swiss cheese.   My husband knows this, and yet ...

Me:   Where's that piece of Swiss cheese that was in the fridge?
Husband:   *virtuously*.  It was getting dried out, so I ate it.
Me:   But I LIKE dried out cheese!
Husband:   Oh.   Right.

I don't quite understand this. What's bad about eating it? Isn't that what it's there for and what you were going to do with it?

He didn't eat it because he actually wanted it. If he'd said, "Oh, yes, I love it when it gets dried out, so I ate it," or if he'd said, "I was having spaghetti and wanted grated cheese, and I used it up," it would have been fine. Sad for the OP, of course, but hey, he's entitled to eat the cheese.

However, he only ate it because he thought it could "clean out" the fridge and was being helpful. However, he forgot that he was eating someone else's treat.

Ah, that makes more sense then. Thanks :)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: alkira6 on March 29, 2014, 09:25:43 PM
Yeah, we quickly had to come to an agreement about my stale peeps. He gets his and eats them soft. I poke a hole in mine and a few weeks later I get a crunchy treat.  Throwing away the peeps with holes in the package is not an option.   ;D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 29, 2014, 10:10:33 PM
Yeah, we quickly had to come to an agreement about my stale peeps. He gets his and eats them soft. I poke a hole in mine and a few weeks later I get a crunchy treat.  Throwing away the peeps with holes in the package is not an option.   ;D

My grandmother buys them in the post-Easter sales, pokes holes in the boxes, and saves them for the NEXT Easter.

I don't like mine quite that stale  :P
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Vall on March 29, 2014, 10:25:12 PM
I'm going to tell on myself.  When I was single, I paid a friend of mine to clean my apartment for me.  She was great and the arrangement worked out well.  One day, I was home when she came over to clean.  I thought I'd help her out by cleaning the bathroom.  I sprayed everything in the bathroom (including the tiled walls) with the little scrubbing bubbles stuff and tried to wipe it down.  But I needed to rinse it.  So I took the shower massager and turned it on high (the water pressure was incredible in that apartment) and tried to quickly rinse the walls and everything.

My friend comes to the bathroom to see me and everything else drenched in water with the water coming out of the bathroom.  I promised not to help her anymore.

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: cabbageweevil on March 30, 2014, 03:48:42 AM
Yeah, we quickly had to come to an agreement about my stale peeps. He gets his and eats them soft. I poke a hole in mine and a few weeks later I get a crunchy treat.  Throwing away the peeps with holes in the package is not an option.   ;D

I had to Google "peeps" -- unknown to a Brit, in this context (I learn that they are marshmallow candies made in the shape of various creatures).  First thing that had come to my mind, was the cutesy abbreviation for "people" ("Hi, peeps, how are you doing?" etc.).  Heaven help me, notions of cannibalism were floating into my mind...
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: alkira6 on March 30, 2014, 11:12:35 AM
Yeah, we quickly had to come to an agreement about my stale peeps. He gets his and eats them soft. I poke a hole in mine and a few weeks later I get a crunchy treat.  Throwing away the peeps with holes in the package is not an option.   ;D

I had to Google "peeps" -- unknown to a Brit, in this context (I learn that they are marshmallow candies made in the shape of various creatures).  First thing that had come to my mind, was the cutesy abbreviation for "people" ("Hi, peeps, how are you doing?" etc.).  Heaven help me, notions of cannibalism were floating into my mind...

My post take on an entirely new meaning now.  I like this.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Shalamar on March 30, 2014, 02:17:23 PM
Yeah, what TootsNYC said.   My husband forgot that I loved dried up cheese and thought he was doing me a favour by eating it.   :)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: XRogue on March 31, 2014, 10:30:26 AM
Ex-mil used to try to help me in the kitchen by doing dishes. Fine as far as washing up, but she kept putting things on the top shelf....I am 5 feet tall. Not going to work. I convinced her to just leave things to dry and let me put them away, finally.

Just in time for me to ban her from ever stepping foot in my kitchen again...because she tried to put my antique cast iron frying pan in the dishwasher. Said frying pan was given to me because it belonged to my maternal grandmother, who I was very close to before she passed. MIL's excuse was "it's all black and grungy!", then, " Well I just don't know how to use cast iron." (that was a deliberate lie)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: kherbert05 on March 31, 2014, 07:10:04 PM
In my family we all help wash up after dinner - in shifts. We always leave the dishes, glasses and all stacked neatly on a table for the host to put way were they want.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 31, 2014, 08:29:34 PM
Today I moved the kitchen trash can into the adjoining office so that I could do some spring cleaning out with one of the closets there.  I heard the scraping of something moving across the floor and turned around to see Littlest Pirate had moved it back to where it was.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Cherry91 on April 01, 2014, 04:54:48 AM
This is admittedly a very small thing, but my mother often gives me advice about my current appearance when I'm going out. Most common ones are whether or not I'm wearing makeup, the state of my hair, etc.

This would be fine, if not for the fact that 99% of the time, her chosen moment to give me this advice is as I announce I'm leaving. No matter how many times she's seen me as I was getting ready. And then of course I get frustrated because I'm either going to have her annoyed at me when I get back or I'm now going to be late, so I can't win.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 01, 2014, 06:04:26 AM
That reminds me, my mother took me to a Clinique counter when I was a preteen and was interested in makeup but didn't know how to put it on.  They sold us a bunch of skin care products, but also the woman showed me how to apply it but I really did NOT like the look.  Seriously, anytime I've ever had a Clinique makeover I walk away from the counter wearing a lot more makeup than I usually do and feeling like I ought to be picking out a corner to stand on, if you catch my drift.

I had wanted to get some idea for how to get a simple look, so that it would seem like I was barely wearing anything.  Some days all I wear for makeup is foundation, blush and tinted gloss and some shadow.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on April 01, 2014, 11:07:20 AM
Today I moved the kitchen trash can into the adjoining office so that I could do some spring cleaning out with one of the closets there.  I heard the scraping of something moving across the floor and turned around to see Littlest Pirate had moved it back to where it was.

A neatnik!

Little kids really do like things where they belong. My kids used to occupy themselves in stores putting stuff back on the right shelves.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 01, 2014, 11:46:34 AM
Oh yeah, they are all about routines, aren't they?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Reader on April 01, 2014, 02:31:02 PM
My poor boyfriend.  He thought he was helping when he pulled the insert from my slow cooker, the one that was soaking with soap, from the sink to wash.  Unfortunately for him the reason it was soaking to remove dried/cooked on remnants. He then left it on the counter to dry.  Imagine my disappointment to find he hadn't gotten everything off.  So I set it back in the sink to soak again for me to wash out later after I got home from my second job.  And what do I see when I get home?  The insert dried on the counter, still with the remants stuck on it.  So after showing it to my boyfriend, and under pain of death if it removed from the sink again, I put it back into the sink.  And it was finally left to soak overnight, and I was able to clean it off yesterday. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Katana_Geldar on April 01, 2014, 04:38:36 PM
DH loves stew, his mum made it growing up and would leave it to slow cool on the stove. Except his stepfather kept turning the stove off.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Marga on April 01, 2014, 06:45:55 PM
DH loves stew, his mum made it growing up and would leave it to slow cool on the stove. Except his stepfather kept turning the stove off.

Obviously, how else is it supposed to slow *cool*?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Katana_Geldar on April 01, 2014, 09:12:01 PM
Cook, cook! Stupid autocorrect.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Dazi on April 02, 2014, 05:38:58 AM
Cook, cook! Stupid autocorrect.

Speaking of stop helping me.  I hate auto correct.  It never corrects to anything that I am trying to and apparently the word "three" doesn't exist.  I get the, thee, fee, few and even when I type three very slowly out, it still tries to correct it to thee most of the time.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Thipu1 on April 02, 2014, 06:38:46 AM
Cook, cook! Stupid autocorrect.

Speaking of stop helping me.  I hate auto correct.  It never corrects to anything that I am trying to and apparently the word "three" doesn't exist.  I get the, thee, fee, few and even when I type three very slowly out, it still tries to correct it to thee most of the time.

Add me to the group that hates autocorrect.  I know I use too many quotation marks but it's the only way I can get certain things through it.   
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 02, 2014, 08:33:55 AM
I thankfully don't have it as I don't have an apple device but lordy that would make me crazy.

And I have to wonder about the AutoCorrectFails that get shared that replace an innocent word with a naughty one.  Are they really THAT dirty in their autocorrects or are people editing to make it funnier?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Slartibartfast on April 02, 2014, 08:39:17 AM
I thankfully don't have it as I don't have an apple device but lordy that would make me crazy.

And I have to wonder about the AutoCorrectFails that get shared that replace an innocent word with a naughty one.  Are they really THAT dirty in their autocorrects or are people editing to make it funnier?

It's never done that to me - although I also haven't "taught" it lots of dirty words, either  :P  (Actually, I turned mine off, mostly because it kept correcting "well" to "we'll."  Which are two totally different words, and if I wanted to write a contraction I darn we'll would have  ;))
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Flibbertigibbet on April 02, 2014, 08:50:45 AM
I have had some funny autocorrects - none obscene though, and I just haven't caught them before i pressed send. My personal favourite is when I was texting someone about the fact that 'some 'gitface'' had called me at 2am with a silent call. My phone changed the word 'gitface' to 'giraffe'.

Much hilarity ensued as we wondered why a giraffe would be calling at 2 am and a silent call at that, and also whether he would be called Geoffrey (Toys R Us fame). The conversation then went on to speculate whether all giraffes were evil and whether they were all called Geoffrey...
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: wolfie on April 02, 2014, 09:05:22 AM
I thankfully don't have it as I don't have an apple device but lordy that would make me crazy.

And I have to wonder about the AutoCorrectFails that get shared that replace an innocent word with a naughty one.  Are they really THAT dirty in their autocorrects or are people editing to make it funnier?

I have had it happen once. It changed one word that changed the entire sentence to have sexual innuendo. otherwise it seems to change proper names. Like it changed the name of a highway "tacanic" to "taco mix"
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Dindrane on April 02, 2014, 09:39:21 AM
I think some of the auto correct things you see posted online are made up, too. I'm sure some of them are genuine, but a lot of them rather stretch credibility.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on April 02, 2014, 09:46:26 AM
I keep thinking, "If I were the programmer for autocorrect, I'd fix it so that the dirty words were WAY down on the list of auto substitutions. You want to say dirty words, fine, but I'm not going to help you."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: darling on April 02, 2014, 10:22:35 AM
I have accidentally gotten a dirty word in autocorrect before... I am SOOOO glad I reviewed before I sent.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Yvaine on April 02, 2014, 10:25:12 AM
My dumbphone has predictive text and lets me add words it doesn't have in its dictionary, but it "forgets" them every few months. This includes the dirty words. I feel naughty teaching my phone to cuss. ;)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on April 02, 2014, 10:27:19 AM
My dumbphone has predictive text and lets me add words it doesn't have in its dictionary, but it "forgets" them every few months. This includes the dirty words. I feel naughty teaching my phone to cuss. ;)

But the fact that you have to is proof that at least one autocorrect has, in its algorithm (or whatever), a bias against suggesting those words. Though, darling has proof that it can happen spontaneously.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Yvaine on April 02, 2014, 10:31:31 AM
My dumbphone has predictive text and lets me add words it doesn't have in its dictionary, but it "forgets" them every few months. This includes the dirty words. I feel naughty teaching my phone to cuss. ;)

But the fact that you have to is proof that at least one autocorrect has, in its algorithm (or whatever), a bias against suggesting those words. Though, darling has proof that it can happen spontaneously.

My phone is not anything like the smartphones shown on those sites, though. And it's missing all sorts of normal words too--I've had to teach it "snuggle" repeatedly, for example. It's just a low-budget phone that is probably powered by a little dinosaur running in a wheel inside it.  ;D I've seen enough dirty autocorrects on DYAC that I think those types of phones have a much spicier vocabulary built in.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: athersgeo on April 02, 2014, 10:39:13 AM
My dumbphone has predictive text and lets me add words it doesn't have in its dictionary, but it "forgets" them every few months. This includes the dirty words. I feel naughty teaching my phone to cuss. ;)

I had a word processor spellcheck similar to that - I could add words to the dictionary if the dictionary didn't have them already. Most of what I added was technical terminology (I was using it to write up acoustic lab reports, for the most part), but I did discover, when I subsequently reviewed the dictionary, that at some point I'd taught it a variety of swear words in English, German, French and (best of all) Klingon.

And in the vein of "stop helping me", I give to you the Microsoft Office Assistant.

I have painful memories of compiling a series of 30 graphs in Excel for a lab report and for each one that blasted paperclip popped up to say "I see you are drawing a graph - would you like some help?" And no amount of telling it to go away/closing it/cursing the university IT Drone who'd thought it was a good idea to install it in the first place would convince it that no, I REALLY didn't need any help with my graphs thankyouverymuch.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on April 02, 2014, 11:33:37 AM
Apple makes it easy to turn off auto-correct.

Settings
   General
      Keyboard
          Auto-correction: slider to 'off'
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Yvaine on April 02, 2014, 01:01:24 PM
My dumbphone has predictive text and lets me add words it doesn't have in its dictionary, but it "forgets" them every few months. This includes the dirty words. I feel naughty teaching my phone to cuss. ;)

I had a word processor spellcheck similar to that - I could add words to the dictionary if the dictionary didn't have them already. Most of what I added was technical terminology (I was using it to write up acoustic lab reports, for the most part), but I did discover, when I subsequently reviewed the dictionary, that at some point I'd taught it a variety of swear words in English, German, French and (best of all) Klingon.

And in the vein of "stop helping me", I give to you the Microsoft Office Assistant.

I have painful memories of compiling a series of 30 graphs in Excel for a lab report and for each one that blasted paperclip popped up to say "I see you are drawing a graph - would you like some help?" And no amount of telling it to go away/closing it/cursing the university IT Drone who'd thought it was a good idea to install it in the first place would convince it that no, I REALLY didn't need any help with my graphs thankyouverymuch.

CRUD MONKEYS!, the paper clip. The paper clip.  >:( >:( >:(

As for word processor spellcheck, you should see all the imaginary words mine knew when I was writing Harry Potter fanfic.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: thunderroad on April 02, 2014, 03:30:20 PM
I have had some funny autocorrects - none obscene though, and I just haven't caught them before i pressed send. My personal favourite is when I was texting someone about the fact that 'some 'gitface'' had called me at 2am with a silent call. My phone changed the word 'gitface' to 'giraffe'.

Much hilarity ensued as we wondered why a giraffe would be calling at 2 am and a silent call at that, and also whether he would be called Geoffrey (Toys R Us fame). The conversation then went on to speculate whether all giraffes were evil and whether they were all called Geoffrey...

I tried to send a text to my sister about a tentative date for a family event.  Autocorrect changed it to "tentative fatwa". 

Still not sure where that came from--I swear I am not in the habit of issuing fatwas.  Although, as someone pointed out, those are rarely tentative. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: rose red on April 02, 2014, 03:48:07 PM
That reminds me, my mother took me to a Clinique counter when I was a preteen and was interested in makeup but didn't know how to put it on.  They sold us a bunch of skin care products, but also the woman showed me how to apply it but I really did NOT like the look.  Seriously, anytime I've ever had a Clinique makeover I walk away from the counter wearing a lot more makeup than I usually do and feeling like I ought to be picking out a corner to stand on, if you catch my drift.

I had wanted to get some idea for how to get a simple look, so that it would seem like I was barely wearing anything.  Some days all I wear for makeup is foundation, blush and tinted gloss and some shadow.

This happened to my sister but not at Clinique. A department store had a free make-up event and she asked for the natural look. She wanted to look like she's not wearing makeup, just stuff to make her skin clearer and maybe eyes and lips brighter. What she ended up with looks like she can join you on that corner. I tried to be nice and said the makeup may be OK for a night out. The makeup person said that's a daytime look and looked at us like we were hicks.

When we left the store, we overheard one of the other makeup person tell her client that the Kardashian look is in. We looked around and all the customers had the same thick heavy mask-like makeup look. We figured all the "artists" were instructed to give that look no matter what the customer wanted (or maybe that's all they were taught). We had to cut our shopping time short to go home so my sister can wash her face; she was so embarrassed to walk through the mall looking like that. We laugh and joke about the experience (and that company) now.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: amandaelizabeth on April 02, 2014, 04:21:02 PM
We were having trouble with blown fuses.  I would text the landlord, with information about which fuse had blown etc, and did not notice that autocorrect had chanced fuse into another word of the same length starting with fu. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on April 02, 2014, 06:22:32 PM
My sister got a business text once from a work colleague that used the term 'f/u.' She was momentarily shocked, then she realized it was meant to stand for "follow up."

I don't really want to admit how many times that happens to me but lets just go with every single time. I see it go "what? why are you telling me...oh wait...you mean, right I know that", and I see it a lot. But my brain just dances over to the bad place.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: lilfox on April 02, 2014, 06:31:23 PM
That reminds me, my mother took me to a Clinique counter when I was a preteen and was interested in makeup but didn't know how to put it on.  They sold us a bunch of skin care products, but also the woman showed me how to apply it but I really did NOT like the look.  Seriously, anytime I've ever had a Clinique makeover I walk away from the counter wearing a lot more makeup than I usually do and feeling like I ought to be picking out a corner to stand on, if you catch my drift.

I had wanted to get some idea for how to get a simple look, so that it would seem like I was barely wearing anything.  Some days all I wear for makeup is foundation, blush and tinted gloss and some shadow.

This happened to my sister but not at Clinique. A department store had a free make-up event and she asked for the natural look. She wanted to look like she's not wearing makeup, just stuff to make her skin clearer and maybe eyes and lips brighter. What she ended up with looks like she can join you on that corner. I tried to be nice and said the makeup may be OK for a night out. The makeup person said that's a daytime look and looked at us like we were hicks.

When we left the store, we overheard one of the other makeup person tell her client that the Kardashian look is in. We looked around and all the customers had the same thick heavy mask-like makeup look. We figured all the "artists" were instructed to give that look no matter what the customer wanted (or maybe that's all they were taught). We had to cut our shopping time short to go home so my sister can wash her face; she was so embarrassed to walk through the mall looking like that. We laugh and joke about the experience (and that company) now.

Almost happened to me too, first time I went to a makeup counter to have a makeover before starting my first grown-up job, mostly to learn what colors worked for me.  I had to explain several times to the makeup person that I wanted the lightest possible makeup.  I about blew her mind when I told her that not only did I not currently wear foundation, I had no plans to start, so she should skip that step entirely.

I'll add well-meaning hairdressers who decide to "help" by giving me a blowout hairstyle.  With a blowout, my hair texture, and my face shape, somehow I always end up looking like a 1980s anchorwoman or Princess Di.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on April 02, 2014, 06:52:23 PM
I have had some funny autocorrects - none obscene though, and I just haven't caught them before i pressed send. My personal favourite is when I was texting someone about the fact that 'some 'gitface'' had called me at 2am with a silent call. My phone changed the word 'gitface' to 'giraffe'.

Much hilarity ensued as we wondered why a giraffe would be calling at 2 am and a silent call at that, and also whether he would be called Geoffrey (Toys R Us fame). The conversation then went on to speculate whether all giraffes were evil and whether they were all called Geoffrey...

I tried to send a text to my sister about a tentative date for a family event.  Autocorrect changed it to "tentative fatwa". 

Still not sure where that came from--I swear I am not in the habit of issuing fatwas.  Although, as someone pointed out, those are rarely tentative.

What a great name for a punk band.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: kherbert05 on April 02, 2014, 06:54:17 PM
Random Guy at the gas station, tried to stop me from getting my car washed because it is going to rain. Kept telling me you don't want to do that.


I finally told him -
1. My car has 1/4 inch of oak pollen on it
2. The pollen how has dirt road clay dust on top of it
3. I want to get that rinsed off before I get caught in drizzle that turns it into cement like coating on the car.
4. For the last two days I've been dealing with the insanity called STAAR (they are testing in the room next door so I have to keep my 2nd graders silent)
5. I nearly stepped on this (https://www.flickr.com/photos/14888249@N03/13591514233/) (Don't click if you don't like reptiles with fangs. Family is debating if it is a cottonmouth or rattler yes. This was taken after I jumped back about 5 feet and I used the zoom) 30 min ago at the farm.


So please leave me alone before I lose it.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 02, 2014, 07:06:53 PM
I had to laugh when a Hair Cuttery gal tried to upsell me by offering to straighten my already straight hair.

Another time I got the manager who decided to get me to purchase their deep conditioning treatment by talking about how dry my hair was due to coloring it myself.  I had my hair colored at one of their salons in the past and the list of reds they'd use on my hair was quite limited due to me having naturally brown hair and not wanting it bleached, first.

One of the other stylists walked past my chair and said "Hey, I like the hair color!" (I've been coloring it burgundy, recently) right after I'd said "No thanks!" I always go in there with an exact amount I'm willing to spend and have never let them talk me up. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lady Snowdon on April 02, 2014, 07:22:37 PM
Cook, cook! Stupid autocorrect.

Speaking of stop helping me.  I hate auto correct.  It never corrects to anything that I am trying to and apparently the word "three" doesn't exist.  I get the, thee, fee, few and even when I type three very slowly out, it still tries to correct it to thee most of the time.

My Android phone doesn't believe "you" is more common than "thou".  I use Swype and even if I'm very precise about spelling "you", it'll show up as "thou".  I'm not sure why "thou" was even programmed into the dictionary!  Also, I haven't been able to teach it my name, despite having had it for almost a year. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: HGolightly on April 02, 2014, 09:21:43 PM
I will keep this vague as the results were pretty gross.  My dd decided to help me with my chores the other night. She used the water from the toilet. I will say it is very clean now as I redid her cleaning job with bleach and followed up with some Mrs Meyers.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Yvaine on April 03, 2014, 09:33:06 AM
I had a few "stop helping me" moments recently while moving--two different people, same "help." Each of these two gentlemen was helping me carry a piece of furniture into the apartment (not at the same time--on two different days). Both asked where I wanted the piece; I said "we'll just put it inside the living room door" and explained that I had some items still on the floor between the door and the room the furniture was eventually going to. I further explained that I would move it the rest of the way myself when I had the way clear.

Well, both guys decided to be extra help, wrested the furniture away when I tried to put it down, and tried to carry it further into the house. One of them stepped on a ceramic dish and chipped it (I mean, of course, a dish should not have been there, but that's why I didn't want to carry the piece further in!). The other sat the furniture on one of my shoes and then couldn't figure out why it wouldn't sit flat.  ;D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Ms_Cellany on April 03, 2014, 09:41:19 AM

5. I nearly stepped on this (https://www.flickr.com/photos/14888249@N03/13591514233/) (Don't click if you don't like reptiles with fangs. Family is debating if it is a cottonmouth or rattler yes. This was taken after I jumped back about 5 feet and I used the zoom) 30 min ago at the farm.


Did you ever get it definitively ID'd?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: knitwicca on April 03, 2014, 12:29:41 PM
(BG: I have been knitting since I was 8 years old. I design and hand-knit the majority of my tops and prefer natural fibers. Natural = hand-painted alpaca, hand-spun mink, kettle-dyed Chilean wools)

Several years ago the now-ex had a severe health crisis.  If I was not at work, I was at the hospital interacting with medical staff, signing paperwork, etc
My adult daughter offered to do my laundry and took it to her home....while her in-laws were visiting. DD knows what can and cannot be washed. All hand-knits must be hand-washed. Regardless of style, design or color.

DD went to pick her son up after school and stop at the hospital. Her MIL decided it would be a good time to "help" by putting all of my tops into HOT water in the washing machine then an even hotter temperature dryer.
What was recognizable was the size of a Barbie hat and the texture of plywood.  I sobbed for months each time I opened my dresser drawers.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Shalamar on April 03, 2014, 12:43:08 PM
Geez!  MIL should have at least offered to pay for replacement clothes.   >:(

Edited to add:  whoops, I forgot that they were handmade and therefore irreplaceable.  I'm so sorry!   :(
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: whatsanenigma on April 03, 2014, 12:54:46 PM
Geez!  MIL should have at least offered to pay for replacement clothes.   >:(

Edited to add:  whoops, I forgot that they were handmade and therefore irreplaceable.  I'm so sorry!   :(

Well, even though they were actually not replaceable, MIL still should have offered something.   No amount of money could have replaced the clothes but the offer should have been made-the MIL should have tried her best to fix her mistake.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: jedikaiti on April 03, 2014, 12:56:12 PM
Geez!  MIL should have at least offered to pay for replacement clothes.   >:(

Edited to add:  whoops, I forgot that they were handmade and therefore irreplaceable.  I'm so sorry!   :(

Well, even though they were actually not replaceable, MIL still should have offered something.   No amount of money could have replaced the clothes but the offer should have been made-the MIL should have tried her best to fix her mistake.

Exactly! And once she'd gotten the bill for the yarn & time involved, she would know better than to try that again!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: kherbert05 on April 03, 2014, 04:55:58 PM

5. I nearly stepped on this (https://www.flickr.com/photos/14888249@N03/13591514233/) (Don't click if you don't like reptiles with fangs. Family is debating if it is a cottonmouth or rattler yes. This was taken after I jumped back about 5 feet and I used the zoom) 30 min ago at the farm.


Did you ever get it definitively ID'd?
I'm pretty sure it was a cotton Mouth. There was no rattle on the tail and the coloring is wrong for a copperhead. I've had poisonous snakes in the yard before as a kid. This was the closest I've ever come to being struck. If the hogs hadn't torn up the ground I wouldn't have been looking down. I saw the flash of white and fangs from the mouth. I jumped down hill to my left - which meant I had high grass and trees behind me and to both sides and the snake in front. I was able to pull  a stick from the tree (damaged from the drought) and use it to clear the grass around me.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: VorFemme on April 03, 2014, 06:08:26 PM
Geez!  MIL should have at least offered to pay for replacement clothes.   >:(

Edited to add:  whoops, I forgot that they were handmade and therefore irreplaceable.  I'm so sorry!   :(

Well, even though they were actually not replaceable, MIL still should have offered something.   No amount of money could have replaced the clothes but the offer should have been made-the MIL should have tried her best to fix her mistake.

Exactly! And once she'd gotten the bill for the yarn & time involved, she would know better than to try that again!

Custom made wool suits, dry clean only, that the dry cleaner ruined ONE piece of. 

They belonged to the seamstress.  Who was told that "homemade stuff" had no value and they weren't going to pay ANYTHING.  It was the only dry cleaner in the area...I forget if it was a rural area or if the seamstress did not drive & it was a pain in the asterisk to take much on public transit....

Her solution was to order a lot of "custom made" tags with a "designer name" on them.  It happened to be her maiden name...but she didn't tell the dry cleaner that.  The next time something got ruined (not frequent, but it was NOT stuff she could replace due to no more fabric and ruined the suit to have no jacket) - she pulled out the invoices that she used when sewing for hire (same "designer's name") and pointed to the price & the tag.  The dry cleaner paid, grumbling, but paid - and apparently started paying more attention to her "stuff" because it was expensive custom made stuff instead of cheap home made stuff.  Same clothes - just with a "custom made by XXXX" tag in it instead of tagless.

After reading that story about twenty years-four ago, I started sewing size tags & "made in USA" tags in clothes made for my niece & nephew - their mother didn't recognize the product line tag that I had made, but she no longer trashed things that were "home made".  After the divorce, she kept the "good stuff" at her house until the kids had outgrown it, but at least I could hope that they got to wear it when they were staying with her....
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Amanita on April 03, 2014, 06:16:12 PM
^Those tags sound like something I should be doing with my costumes and hand made clothing. Seriously, some of that stuff would be impossible to replace due to the unique fabrics used. As for the claim that my hand made things had "no value", my response would be "We'll see what a lawyer has to say about that!"
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 03, 2014, 07:57:10 PM
I have seen tags in craft stores that sell labels (Hobby Lobby and JoAnne's) for garments and I think that's a great idea, really, with the invoices, too!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: VorFemme on April 04, 2014, 09:19:34 AM
Mail order for names YOU have chosen - they screen print them or embroider/weave the letters in.  Costs a bit more - but - seriously, If you have custom made stuff that you want to be taken seriously by a dry cleaner...or my ex-SIL...it might be worth the cost to order two to five dozen...

I have also embroidered a "brand name" in the inside of the waistband - but it was clearly NOT a store bought tag - it was just going to be impossible to cut the tag off (individually ripping out every letter stitch by stitch takes TIME) - and the care instructions couldn't be "lost".

+++++

My best guess is that she was invoicing her clients, she just started invoicing herself, too.  It might also have been that her "business" wrote them off as "sample garments" or "design prototypes" - but not until after they had a dollar value assigned to them that a dry cleaner, coat check, or airline could be shown in the event that things were damaged or lost (stolen)...

Someone else was a knitter and an entire suitcase of sample garments went missing on her way to a photo op (publisher of the book) and knitting seminar where she was going to be teaching the new garments....she writes the instructions up from the finished garment (not as she knits). 

SOME of them showed up later in a Goodwill or similar charity thrift store...but not all of them.  I just wish I could remember where I saw the story - some of the sweaters (jumpers) were still missing at the time that I read the story.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on April 07, 2014, 02:41:14 PM
Standing in the middle of the kitchen looking at the groceries I bought while I'm trying to put said groceries away isn't helping.  At all.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: SCAJAfamily on April 07, 2014, 03:07:32 PM
Or pulling out the food you want to eat now and not putting anything else away while I am doing it.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: VorFemme on April 09, 2014, 03:17:03 PM
I've heard of teenagers pulling out so much food to eat that Mom didn't spend nearly as much time putting food away as she'd expected.  Only to find that they had eaten all the stuff she'd brought home for a party and Mom had to go back to the store before her bridge (card game) party started - all the "snacks" were gone. 

She said it was much cheaper to bring it all in and put it away herself...because that way the "party" food got put into the "do not open at risk of serious bodily harm if Mom finds THIS stuff missing before the party" shelves instead of the "open season - snacks for hungry family members" shelves.  I think that she mentioned being Catholic and having eight children - so there was usually more than one shopping trip a week to the grocery store.  She did try to avoid having to make a trip every DAY, though.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Julian on April 09, 2014, 10:30:38 PM
Housemate tries to help me in the kitchen.  Now, the kitchen is my domain.  I cook, and I really hate having an 'overseer' in the kitchen.

When I'm putting groceries away, she's always standing right in front of the cupboard I need.

When I'm dishing up dinner, she stands right where I need to be.  Sigh...

I've told her, no help needed, sit down, blah blah, which works for a while but not long.

One night last month I had her and three dogs 'helping' me in the kitchen.  Now, I have a biiiiiig kitchen.  Lots of space.  But not when three furry munchkins and one large adult human are all milling around - literally, in the case of the dogs, right under my feet.  After I tripped on one dog a fourth time and bumped into Housemate a third time I had a tanty...   :-[   A foot stomping, spoon weilding tanty.  They all got chased out.  I'm not proud of it.  But I have the kitchen mostly to myself these days.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MommyPenguin on April 09, 2014, 11:20:35 PM
I've heard of teenagers pulling out so much food to eat that Mom didn't spend nearly as much time putting food away as she'd expected.  Only to find that they had eaten all the stuff she'd brought home for a party and Mom had to go back to the store before her bridge (card game) party started - all the "snacks" were gone. 

She said it was much cheaper to bring it all in and put it away herself...because that way the "party" food got put into the "do not open at risk of serious bodily harm if Mom finds THIS stuff missing before the party" shelves instead of the "open season - snacks for hungry family members" shelves.  I think that she mentioned being Catholic and having eight children - so there was usually more than one shopping trip a week to the grocery store.  She did try to avoid having to make a trip every DAY, though.

I've only got 4, but they're starting to get voracious appetites and I can't seem to keep us in bananas, oranges, milk, and yogurt.  I feel like I'm going to the store every few days for those!  And making bread constantly, as we use a loaf a day.  I can only imagine what the teenage years will be like... and mine are all girls!  I'm developing all new sympathy for my grandmother, who had 8 kids, 5 of whom were boys.  They must have gone through insane amounts of food.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: starry diadem on April 10, 2014, 02:00:19 AM
Housemate tries to help me in the kitchen.  Now, the kitchen is my domain.  I cook, and I really hate having an 'overseer' in the kitchen.

When I'm putting groceries away, she's always standing right in front of the cupboard I need.

When I'm dishing up dinner, she stands right where I need to be.  Sigh...

I've told her, no help needed, sit down, blah blah, which works for a while but not long.

One night last month I had her and three dogs 'helping' me in the kitchen.  Now, I have a biiiiiig kitchen.  Lots of space.  But not when three furry munchkins and one large adult human are all milling around - literally, in the case of the dogs, right under my feet.  After I tripped on one dog a fourth time and bumped into Housemate a third time I had a tanty...   :-[   A foot stomping, spoon weilding tanty.  They all got chased out.  I'm not proud of it.  But I have the kitchen mostly to myself these days.

You have my mother as your housemate?

She broke her hip nine weeks ago, and is still hobbling around using a frame walker. She can't move quickly. And yet, she insisted the other night on empyting the dish washer of clean plates etc *just* as I was trying to dish up supper. So I'm dodging around her with pans of boiling water and potatoes and carrots, trying desperately to keep my temper (she's down about not being able to help as much as usual) and internally wishing I could do your foot stomping spoon wielding tanty. Infuriating!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 10, 2014, 05:43:48 AM
I've heard of teenagers pulling out so much food to eat that Mom didn't spend nearly as much time putting food away as she'd expected.  Only to find that they had eaten all the stuff she'd brought home for a party and Mom had to go back to the store before her bridge (card game) party started - all the "snacks" were gone. 

She said it was much cheaper to bring it all in and put it away herself...because that way the "party" food got put into the "do not open at risk of serious bodily harm if Mom finds THIS stuff missing before the party" shelves instead of the "open season - snacks for hungry family members" shelves.  I think that she mentioned being Catholic and having eight children - so there was usually more than one shopping trip a week to the grocery store.  She did try to avoid having to make a trip every DAY, though.

I've only got 4, but they're starting to get voracious appetites and I can't seem to keep us in bananas, oranges, milk, and yogurt.  I feel like I'm going to the store every few days for those!  And making bread constantly, as we use a loaf a day.  I can only imagine what the teenage years will be like... and mine are all girls!  I'm developing all new sympathy for my grandmother, who had 8 kids, 5 of whom were boys.  They must have gone through insane amounts of food.

Same here. I have 3 boys, one who has a hollow leg ALL the time, it seems and the other it comes and goes.  Snacks don't last very long in this house, I'm afraid and it's not just them either. DH wanted to get these chocolate coated goji berries at the store, and we got two packs of them.  I went to go look for them Sunday, I think it was, and they were gone.  DH had eaten them ALL and said "I'm sorry! But you stash sweets too!" YEAH, cause I know if I don't they'll disappear before I get any!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: faithlessone on April 10, 2014, 07:00:47 AM
I'm an admin assistant at a smallish building contractor office.

One of my co-workers has recently decided to be "helpful" and group all the delivery notes/invoices etc. by job number. NOT HELPFUL. We process them in alphabetical order by company, which he knows, but he thinks this is a more "efficient" way to do it. It's really not. It just makes more work for me and my counterpart, resorting everything.

But he is a 40-something man, and we are 20-something girls, so obviously he's right and we're wrong. *facepalm*
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Elfmama on April 10, 2014, 10:03:25 AM
I'm an admin assistant at a smallish building contractor office.

One of my co-workers has recently decided to be "helpful" and group all the delivery notes/invoices etc. by job number. NOT HELPFUL. We process them in alphabetical order by company, which he knows, but he thinks this is a more "efficient" way to do it. It's really not. It just makes more work for me and my counterpart, resorting everything.

But he is a 40-something man, and we are 20-something girls, so obviously he's right and we're wrong. *facepalm*
???  So it's "more efficient" to have to thumb through them AFTER he's helpfully grouped them by number and resort them into alphabetical order? What does your supervisor say about him wasting your time AND his?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: faithlessone on April 10, 2014, 11:40:37 AM
I'm an admin assistant at a smallish building contractor office.

One of my co-workers has recently decided to be "helpful" and group all the delivery notes/invoices etc. by job number. NOT HELPFUL. We process them in alphabetical order by company, which he knows, but he thinks this is a more "efficient" way to do it. It's really not. It just makes more work for me and my counterpart, resorting everything.

But he is a 40-something man, and we are 20-something girls, so obviously he's right and we're wrong. *facepalm*
???  So it's "more efficient" to have to thumb through them AFTER he's helpfully grouped them by number and resort them into alphabetical order? What does your supervisor say about him wasting your time AND his?

Co-Worker thinks it would be more efficient for us to process them in job number order as well. (It wouldn't.) The boss has reminded him several times that it's not helpful, and has started giving the documents back to Co-Worker to re-sort if he does it. As it's only a recent habit (the last 2 months or so) we're hoping he'll get it into his head that he's wasting his own time and stop.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Seraphia on April 10, 2014, 12:02:53 PM
Co-workers who want to make things as easy as possible...for themselves.

I'm on a project at work that's slowly winding down. People are rolling off in twos and threes, and we're supposed to be as well. Co-Worker and I were expecting that this week would be mostly completing things for Audit, filling out documentation - wrap-up stuff. Unfortunately, a Problem came up, and since we're now down to three people on the team, there isn't a lot of manpower to go around to deal with Problem.

Problem cropped up at 4:45 on Tuesday, when it was still just a small issue. Ok, sure, we'll get started first thing Wednesday. Wednesday, we start plugging away, when all of a sudden, an angry email comes through. Problem has now tripled in size, and needs to be done tomorrow STAT. Uh oh. CW and I start working as fast as we can, and make pretty good progress. We're about 3/4s done at 4:45 Wednesday when Counterpart sends us a conference request.

Counterpart wants to know: "Why are you solving Problem with X way? We did it Y way back in January and it's much faster!" (Please note, Counterpart does not do any actual solving of Problems - he is there to check our work.) We spent almost an hour arguing with him about this. We did use Y process back then. But, it was with the help of someone who's now gone, and we're on a pretty tight timeline to try and fix this now. "But Y way means that we (meaning him) don't have to do as much documenting! I'm not trying to throw a wrench in things, but I just think Y would be much better."

Counterpart is right. Y method would be much better..... IF we had time, IF we had the person who knew how to do it, IF we weren't already mostly done with X, and IF it weren't already 5:30PM!

Argh. We wound up staying until almost 7:30 until we could pass Problem back to Counterpart, by which time, he was long gone. Apparently trying to help speed things up "for us" didn't mean he would actually be willing to work OT to get Problem fixed quickly.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: gmatoy on April 10, 2014, 09:44:20 PM
You know, I hate to be a "Debbie Downer", but I have had friends tell me that their daughters ate as much as their sons in the teen years. And one friend told me that if her son ate out, he would still have a snack at home. But if her daughter ate out, then later, at home she would have both another meal and then a snack.  She thought it was because girls don't want the others in the party to know how much they can eat.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lady Snowdon on April 10, 2014, 10:21:45 PM
Helpful Coworker has decided that, as I'm 20 years younger than her, I will be grateful for her helpful bits of advice and information.  Said "helpful" bits of advice and information have ranged from her informing me that I can't be afraid of dogs when I mentioned that my uncle's dog doesn't like me (I've had dogs since I was 3 years old, and love them.  No fear here!) to telling me I should do x, y, or z with my side business - all things that are pretty much impossible with what I do.  She took the cake today though, when she to horn in on two conversations I was having with other people. 

First, I'm talking to Boss about an issue that I have.  A company has processed something incorrectly, and as a result they are overpaying us by something like 3x.  Putting that into the system is screwing things up, naturally, and we're discussing how to input it, what I need to do as far as notifying the company that screwed up, etc.  Helpful Coworker hears something about "I can't unapply the payment in the system..." and calls out, "If you just click okay, it'll let you unapply it".  Boss looks at me, I tell her I already tried this and it wouldn't go through.  I call out to Helpful Coworker, "Nope, tried that, doesn't work.".  Helpful Coworker comes over and spends 5 minutes telling us how she thinks we should solve our issue.  Only problem is she doesn't know what our issue is.  She assumed it was a completely different issue and was giving us tips for solving that.  Once she stopped talking, Boss said in a very annoyed tone, "That's not what we're working on".  Helpful Coworker says, "oh, okay" and wanders off.  Totally clueless.  ::)

Second, I'm talking to Other Coworker about a payment issue she's having (all our bank deposits came in today for some reason, so we had tons of payments we were working to match up with our system).  The company is telling Other Coworker that A and Y should be billed together, so they're not going to pay for A.  Helpful Coworker comes over and says, "No, those two are billed together, so you need to void one."  Other Coworker and I look at her in confusion and Other Coworker says, "No they're not, that doesn't make any sense!".  Helpful Coworker says, "Those two are always billed together.  If you see X and Y together, you have to void Y!"  I said, "But we didn't bill X and Y, we billed A and Y."  Helpful Coworker blinks and says, "Well, of course those aren't billed together.  You need to get that fixed!".   ::)

She needs to stop trying to "help" everyone and just do her own stuff.  Gah!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 11, 2014, 07:46:36 AM
You know, I hate to be a "Debbie Downer", but I have had friends tell me that their daughters ate as much as their sons in the teen years. And one friend told me that if her son ate out, he would still have a snack at home. But if her daughter ate out, then later, at home she would have both another meal and then a snack.  She thought it was because girls don't want the others in the party to know how much they can eat.

I'll attest to that.  In high school I ran cross country and as a result I swear I was ALWAYS hungry.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: VorFemme on April 11, 2014, 06:56:01 PM
DD was on swim team.  Swimming in cool to cold water for well over an hour a day will leave a teenager ravenous.  I would have hated to be the one trying to buy and fix enough food for siblings on a swim team....

As it was, my mother had to feed three siblings in the junior high & high school marching bands - after I got married and Lil Sis went off to college, my brothers started growing taller.  The grocery bills stayed the same for the family of four as they had been for a family of six.  Until Lil Sis came home from college for the summer...then the bills went up.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: weeblewobble on April 12, 2014, 08:12:21 AM
Helpful Coworker has decided that, as I'm 20 years younger than her, I will be grateful for her helpful bits of advice and information.  Said "helpful" bits of advice and information have ranged from her informing me that I can't be afraid of dogs when I mentioned that my uncle's dog doesn't like me (I've had dogs since I was 3 years old, and love them.  No fear here!) to telling me I should do x, y, or z with my side business - all things that are pretty much impossible with what I do. 

I feel your pain.  I have a job in a  specialized artistic field, in which people really have no idea how my job works, but believe they know exactly what I should be doing and how. I can't tell you how many times I've received advice from laymen that would literally end my career if I followed it.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Cherry91 on April 12, 2014, 09:35:26 AM
You know, I hate to be a "Debbie Downer", but I have had friends tell me that their daughters ate as much as their sons in the teen years. And one friend told me that if her son ate out, he would still have a snack at home. But if her daughter ate out, then later, at home she would have both another meal and then a snack.  She thought it was because girls don't want the others in the party to know how much they can eat.

I'll attest to that.  In high school I ran cross country and as a result I swear I was ALWAYS hungry.

I did martial arts two to three times a week from age 14 - 19 and while I was doing so, I could out eat most of my male friends and family members.

And to also be on topic, I still got people telling me i was "too skinny" and giving me unsolicited advice on "loving myself and my body" and "learning how to have a healthy relationship with food". When in reality, if I could have married food, I would have!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 13, 2014, 11:29:47 AM
My middle child has ADD but isn't medicated due to him usually being able to manage it and getting decent grades, as well as just not finding anything that really works for him, med wise.

Now, I don't mind him bringing something to fidget with in church if it truly did help him to pay attention as he claims it does. But when I give him little quizzes as to what the gospel was about, he can't answer them.  Not to mention he makes it really obvious at times that he's not paying attention. Like today, making tiny sculptures out of clay and lining them up along the back of the pew in front of us.

I was talking to him after the service about this when a woman came up and started praising him for his creativity and making excuses for him left and right. "He's just being a boy!"  ::)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: andi on April 13, 2014, 12:35:31 PM
URGH !!  That drives me nuts. Yeah - they're being kids, but that's why I'm trying to be a parent!! 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Katana_Geldar on April 13, 2014, 06:51:39 PM
You know, I hate to be a "Debbie Downer", but I have had friends tell me that their daughters ate as much as their sons in the teen years. And one friend told me that if her son ate out, he would still have a snack at home. But if her daughter ate out, then later, at home she would have both another meal and then a snack.  She thought it was because girls don't want the others in the party to know how much they can eat.

I'll attest to that.  In high school I ran cross country and as a result I swear I was ALWAYS hungry.

I did martial arts two to three times a week from age 14 - 19 and while I was doing so, I could out eat most of my male friends and family members.

And to also be on topic, I still got people telling me i was "too skinny" and giving me unsolicited advice on "loving myself and my body" and "learning how to have a healthy relationship with food". When in reality, if I could have married food, I would have!
This was me growing up. It's as bad as telling a fat person they need to lose weight.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MommyPenguin on April 14, 2014, 10:11:33 AM
My middle child has ADD but isn't medicated due to him usually being able to manage it and getting decent grades, as well as just not finding anything that really works for him, med wise.

Now, I don't mind him bringing something to fidget with in church if it truly did help him to pay attention as he claims it does. But when I give him little quizzes as to what the gospel was about, he can't answer them.  Not to mention he makes it really obvious at times that he's not paying attention. Like today, making tiny sculptures out of clay and lining them up along the back of the pew in front of us.

I was talking to him after the service about this when a woman came up and started praising him for his creativity and making excuses for him left and right. "He's just being a boy!"  ::)

I've always had trouble listening to and following the sermon, and I don't have ADHD.  I just don't learn well from listening, I learn better from seeing.  I've started taking sermon notes, and, while I always struggled in college to both listen and take notes, because listening is hard for me, the no pressure situation of a sermon makes note-taking work well to keep my attention.  :)

Sorry that that woman was encouraging him in not paying attention, though!  Did he overhear?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Shalamar on April 14, 2014, 10:20:33 AM
A couple of years ago, I had put myself on a pretty strict weight-loss program, and I was avoiding sweets.  We had a department celebration one day that involved cake, and someone insisted that I take a piece.  Okay, fine - I'll put it in the freezer at work so that I'm not tempted, and I'll eat it in a couple of weeks when I've lost some weight.

Fast-forward a couple of weeks.  I've reached my weight-loss goal, and I'm going to celebrate with that piece of cake!  I'd been looking forward to it all day.  Open up the freezer, and ... it's gone.  "WHO ATE MY CAKE?"  One of my co-workers said defensively "It was there for so long, I didn't think you wanted it anymore, so I ate it."  "You ... owe me cake."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Klein Bottle on April 14, 2014, 02:44:00 PM
I will keep this vague as the results were pretty gross.  My dd decided to help me with my chores the other night. She used the water from the toilet. I will say it is very clean now as I redid her cleaning job with bleach and followed up with some Mrs Meyers.

I know of what you speak!  There is a saga related to why ex was no longer permitted to clean the bathroom.

We got a deal on our first home, as it needed a lot of work, and I do mean a whole lot.  We had to gut the bathroom down to the boards.  The previous owners had installed, (obviously by themselves), a very slippery and shoddy-looking ceramic tile in there.  I needed something inexpensive and nice-looking to replace it, so we went with those linoleum type tiles that stick.  It wasn't overly slippry and it looked really nice.

Ex's family was coming to dinner once we got the house into reasonable shape.  I did the majority of the cleaning, all the shopping, and cooked a nice meal.  Right before their arrival, I had to run out and get soft drinks.  Ex asked if he could do anything while I was gone, and I said if he wanted to give the bathroom floor a quick mop, that would be great.

I went to the store, and when I came home, he was hard at work.  I walked into the bathroom to ask him something, only to find he was using a sponge and the toilet water to "clean" the floor.  I was horrified.  I was beyond squicked out.  I actually broke down and cried.  Then I took the hottest water I could stand, and some disinfectant floor cleaner, and went over every inch.

HGolightly, I am guessing your daughter is a youngster who didn't know any better.  Ex is a grown man.  I remember asking him what he was thinking, and he didn't really have a good answer.  To this day, I can barely stand to remember that mental picture, of him dipping that sponge where it didn't need to go. 

It makes the time he ruined my kitchen floor by using pure bleach look so much better by comparison!    ;)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TriCrazy73 on April 14, 2014, 02:55:46 PM
And I thought the time my DH used Pledge on the hardwood floors was bad!!!  ;D  Granted, they looked showroom new, but holy cow they were slippery!!!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: doodlemor on April 14, 2014, 03:23:30 PM
And I thought the time my DH used Pledge on the hardwood floors was bad!!!  ;D  Granted, they looked showroom new, but holy cow they were slippery!!!

I didn't know my husband had another brother!  What is it with these guys? 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: FauxFoodist on April 14, 2014, 03:25:21 PM
When DH and I were planning our wedding (which was really me planning our wedding then bringing my ideas/research to DH so we could confer), ObnoxiousBFF (who was best man -- second one at that after DH and I agreed the first one needed to be replaced) kept telling DH that he, OBFF, wanted to be our "wedding manager" (anyone ever heard of that?  I sure haven't).  This was his idea of "helping" -- being our wedding manager.  It really meant he wanted to control every aspect of our wedding.  Unfortunately for him, *I* neither needed nor wanted a wedding manager, never mind him having that role, because I wanted us (DH and me) to plan our wedding, US, not someone else under the guise of "helping" (I also pointed that if I wanted someone to tell me what to do, we would've hired a professional wedding planner).  After I shot down that idea, DH then said OBFF created a spreadsheet for me to use to plan our wedding.  I rejected that, too, and reminded DH I'm pretty well-versed at using Excel and already had my own spreadsheets I was perfectly happy using (to this day, I have no idea what OBFF's spreadsheet looked like).

The reason I so vehemently rejected this "help" and any other help from OBFF when possible?  OBFF feels the need to insert himself as much as he can wherever he can so, even though I didn't need the help anyway, this behavior needed to be nipped in the bud.  OBFF proved me right when he spent an inordinate amount of time post-reception crowing about how his suggestion of having one case of bottled water be room temperature was well-received as over half the case had been consumed.  I pointed out to DH (who did acknowledge I was correct on this) that if OBFF were crowing about something so minor, how intolerable would he have been if he were allowed more input on our wedding planning? (this was the only thing that was his idea or that he was allowed to contribute)

Same thing with anything in our house.  OBFF tried to foist a dining table on us that I positively hated and did not match the style of our house at all (our house was built in the 60s while this table was a contemporary metal and glass design).  That table went away fairly quickly (I found a beat-up, solid wood dining table through Freecycle that I love, not to mention it fits the style of the house; DH knew the moment he saw the table and heard OBFF going on and on about how well his dining table matched the house that I was going to reject it -- DH knows I despise glass-topped tables as they are too high-maintenance for me).  I let DH know early on (regarding our house) that there's no way anything from OBFF could ever decorate our house in any prominent place because we would never hear the end of it (not that it matters anyway because OBFF is not allowed into our home unless he has been sober no less than one year -- since he hasn't even managed one month on his own in the past several years, it's likely not going to happen).
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Catananche on April 14, 2014, 03:26:46 PM
When my daughter was 3 she 'helped' me clean the toilet. With my toothbrush. And when I asked she told me proudly she had been 'helping' me for a long time. She told me her previous brush was pink. I had changed toothbrushes 3 weeks before.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: nayberry on April 14, 2014, 03:30:43 PM
When my daughter was 3 she 'helped' me clean the toilet. With my toothbrush. And when I asked she told me proudly she had been 'helping' me for a long time. She told me her previous brush was pink. I had changed toothbrushes 3 weeks before.

 :o :o :o
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: doodlemor on April 14, 2014, 03:30:47 PM
I will keep this vague as the results were pretty gross.  My dd decided to help me with my chores the other night. She used the water from the toilet. I will say it is very clean now as I redid her cleaning job with bleach and followed up with some Mrs Meyers.

I know of what you speak!  There is a saga related to why ex was no longer permitted to clean the bathroom.

We got a deal on our first home, as it needed a lot of work, and I do mean a whole lot.  We had to gut the bathroom down to the boards.  The previous owners had installed, (obviously by themselves), a very slippery and shoddy-looking ceramic tile in there.  I needed something inexpensive and nice-looking to replace it, so we went with those linoleum type tiles that stick.  It wasn't overly slippry and it looked really nice.

Ex's family was coming to dinner once we got the house into reasonable shape.  I did the majority of the cleaning, all the shopping, and cooked a nice meal.  Right before their arrival, I had to run out and get soft drinks.  Ex asked if he could do anything while I was gone, and I said if he wanted to give the bathroom floor a quick mop, that would be great.

I went to the store, and when I came home, he was hard at work.  I walked into the bathroom to ask him something, only to find he was using a sponge and the toilet water to "clean" the floor.  I was horrified.  I was beyond squicked out.  I actually broke down and cried.  Then I took the hottest water I could stand, and some disinfectant floor cleaner, and went over every inch.

HGolightly, I am guessing your daughter is a youngster who didn't know any better.  Ex is a grown man.  I remember asking him what he was thinking, and he didn't really have a good answer.  To this day, I can barely stand to remember that mental picture, of him dipping that sponge where it didn't need to go. 

It makes the time he ruined my kitchen floor by using pure bleach look so much better by comparison!    ;)

I think that he didn't want to get the bucket out and wash the floor properly, because that would be more work.  Naturally, he didn't want to share that information with you.  Since the water in the commode looked clean, he thought that it would do.  He didn't expect you to walk in and "catch" him.


Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Vall on April 14, 2014, 03:34:09 PM
When my daughter was 3 she 'helped' me clean the toilet. With my toothbrush. And when I asked she told me proudly she had been 'helping' me for a long time. She told me her previous brush was pink. I had changed toothbrushes 3 weeks before.
Oh no.   :o
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: wolfie on April 14, 2014, 03:35:11 PM
I will keep this vague as the results were pretty gross.  My dd decided to help me with my chores the other night. She used the water from the toilet. I will say it is very clean now as I redid her cleaning job with bleach and followed up with some Mrs Meyers.

I know of what you speak!  There is a saga related to why ex was no longer permitted to clean the bathroom.

We got a deal on our first home, as it needed a lot of work, and I do mean a whole lot.  We had to gut the bathroom down to the boards.  The previous owners had installed, (obviously by themselves), a very slippery and shoddy-looking ceramic tile in there.  I needed something inexpensive and nice-looking to replace it, so we went with those linoleum type tiles that stick.  It wasn't overly slippry and it looked really nice.

Ex's family was coming to dinner once we got the house into reasonable shape.  I did the majority of the cleaning, all the shopping, and cooked a nice meal.  Right before their arrival, I had to run out and get soft drinks.  Ex asked if he could do anything while I was gone, and I said if he wanted to give the bathroom floor a quick mop, that would be great.

I went to the store, and when I came home, he was hard at work.  I walked into the bathroom to ask him something, only to find he was using a sponge and the toilet water to "clean" the floor.  I was horrified.  I was beyond squicked out.  I actually broke down and cried.  Then I took the hottest water I could stand, and some disinfectant floor cleaner, and went over every inch.

HGolightly, I am guessing your daughter is a youngster who didn't know any better.  Ex is a grown man.  I remember asking him what he was thinking, and he didn't really have a good answer.  To this day, I can barely stand to remember that mental picture, of him dipping that sponge where it didn't need to go. 

It makes the time he ruined my kitchen floor by using pure bleach look so much better by comparison!    ;)

I think that he didn't want to get the bucket out and wash the floor properly, because that would be more work.  Naturally, he didn't want to share that information with you.  Since the water in the commode looked clean, he thought that it would do.  He didn't expect you to walk in and "catch" him.

but if he was being lazy then he could have filled up the sink and used that!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Shalamar on April 14, 2014, 03:56:12 PM
Quote
OBFF tried to foist a dining table on us that I positively hated and did not match the style of our house at all

Ooh, that reminds me of what my husband and I went through with his mother a few years ago.  We were looking for a new couch.  MIL announced that her cousin, who had dementia and had to move into a seniors' home, no longer needed her livingroom set.  We could buy that!   The conversation went something like this:

Us:  No, thank you.
MIL:  Why not?  It's a nice set.  It's almost new.
Us:  Well, first, we want new, not "almost" new.  Second, we want it to be a set that we choose.
MIL:   Suit yourselves.  You're missing out, though.

Fast-forward to two weeks later:

MIL:   Good news!  I spoke to my cousin, and when she was having one of her lucid moments, she said you could have her livingroom set for free.

MIL was bewildered and annoyed when we still (politely) refused.   
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: doodlemor on April 14, 2014, 04:03:12 PM
I will keep this vague as the results were pretty gross.  My dd decided to help me with my chores the other night. She used the water from the toilet. I will say it is very clean now as I redid her cleaning job with bleach and followed up with some Mrs Meyers.

I know of what you speak!  There is a saga related to why ex was no longer permitted to clean the bathroom.

We got a deal on our first home, as it needed a lot of work, and I do mean a whole lot.  We had to gut the bathroom down to the boards.  The previous owners had installed, (obviously by themselves), a very slippery and shoddy-looking ceramic tile in there.  I needed something inexpensive and nice-looking to replace it, so we went with those linoleum type tiles that stick.  It wasn't overly slippry and it looked really nice.

Ex's family was coming to dinner once we got the house into reasonable shape.  I did the majority of the cleaning, all the shopping, and cooked a nice meal.  Right before their arrival, I had to run out and get soft drinks.  Ex asked if he could do anything while I was gone, and I said if he wanted to give the bathroom floor a quick mop, that would be great.

I went to the store, and when I came home, he was hard at work.  I walked into the bathroom to ask him something, only to find he was using a sponge and the toilet water to "clean" the floor.  I was horrified.  I was beyond squicked out.  I actually broke down and cried.  Then I took the hottest water I could stand, and some disinfectant floor cleaner, and went over every inch.

HGolightly, I am guessing your daughter is a youngster who didn't know any better.  Ex is a grown man.  I remember asking him what he was thinking, and he didn't really have a good answer.  To this day, I can barely stand to remember that mental picture, of him dipping that sponge where it didn't need to go. 

It makes the time he ruined my kitchen floor by using pure bleach look so much better by comparison!    ;)

I think that he didn't want to get the bucket out and wash the floor properly, because that would be more work.  Naturally, he didn't want to share that information with you.  Since the water in the commode looked clean, he thought that it would do.  He didn't expect you to walk in and "catch" him.

but if he was being lazy then he could have filled up the sink and used that!

I don't know is lazy is exactly the word I had in mind, but I see how you would think that.  I believe that Wild One's husband was thoroughly unfastidious, and didn't think that the toilet water was particularly dirty and would be fine to use.   He was probably totally dumbfounded when she cried.

As far as using the sink goes, I think that to him the toilet was more efficient because it sounds like he was on his hands and knees using a sponge.  If he used the sink he have to keep bending up and down.  The toilet was closer to the floor.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: FauxFoodist on April 14, 2014, 04:19:05 PM
Quote
OBFF tried to foist a dining table on us that I positively hated and did not match the style of our house at all

MIL:   Good news!  I spoke to my cousin, and when she was having one of her lucid moments, she said you could have her livingroom set for free.

MIL was bewildered and annoyed when we still (politely) refused.

Yeah, this table didn't require any money from us, either.  I didn't care.  It was ugly as hell and would've come with unending strings attached (like "I gave you that table; you owe me" or "You have this table thanks to me," blah blah blah).  DH thought I was being ungracious.  I told him I was saving us a world of issues, never mind that I wasn't physically comfortable sitting at that table anyway.

That also reminds me that others have tried "helping" by trying to push off items on us once we got our house.  BIL brought us two tables we didn't request that he wanted to get out of his work storage area.  We still have them (we used one, temporarily, as a dining table, moving the ugly one out of the way until OBFF took it back; we used the temp one until we acquired our current one -- we haven't gotten around to getting rid of that one; the other is a coffee table I actually like and is sitting in our living room).  I did ask DH, though, not to accept any more items from anyone until we had a chance to discuss it.  I get a sense that people believed they were helping us by helping themselves get rid of stuff.  I told DH I could quickly see our home becoming a repository for other people's junk because they believed we needed stuff to furnish our house, which then we would have the responsibility of getting rid of.  More furniture was offered by others, including BIL; DH turned most of them down.  We did accept a family heirloom -- a behemoth of a bookcase that was completely built by DH's great-great-grandfather; he even did the decorative carving.  It's a little bit big for our current house (we plan to move in ten years when we could afford a house in a better area; we figure it'll fit better then), but it truly is a piece of family history we are very happy to have and is a beautifully done and preserved piece at that (family legend has it that the same relative constructed the doors for the state capitol; we haven't been able to track down the info for that yet as far as looking online).

I should hope, once we get around to getting new furniture (if we do want new furniture as we're fine with what we've got), we don't also look at others as a way of emptying our house while not having to cart the stuff to Goodwill or the dump.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: StarFaerie on April 14, 2014, 04:25:34 PM
I will keep this vague as the results were pretty gross.  My dd decided to help me with my chores the other night. She used the water from the toilet. I will say it is very clean now as I redid her cleaning job with bleach and followed up with some Mrs Meyers.

I know of what you speak!  There is a saga related to why ex was no longer permitted to clean the bathroom.

We got a deal on our first home, as it needed a lot of work, and I do mean a whole lot.  We had to gut the bathroom down to the boards.  The previous owners had installed, (obviously by themselves), a very slippery and shoddy-looking ceramic tile in there.  I needed something inexpensive and nice-looking to replace it, so we went with those linoleum type tiles that stick.  It wasn't overly slippry and it looked really nice.

Ex's family was coming to dinner once we got the house into reasonable shape.  I did the majority of the cleaning, all the shopping, and cooked a nice meal.  Right before their arrival, I had to run out and get soft drinks.  Ex asked if he could do anything while I was gone, and I said if he wanted to give the bathroom floor a quick mop, that would be great.

I went to the store, and when I came home, he was hard at work.  I walked into the bathroom to ask him something, only to find he was using a sponge and the toilet water to "clean" the floor.  I was horrified.  I was beyond squicked out.  I actually broke down and cried.  Then I took the hottest water I could stand, and some disinfectant floor cleaner, and went over every inch.

HGolightly, I am guessing your daughter is a youngster who didn't know any better.  Ex is a grown man.  I remember asking him what he was thinking, and he didn't really have a good answer.  To this day, I can barely stand to remember that mental picture, of him dipping that sponge where it didn't need to go. 

It makes the time he ruined my kitchen floor by using pure bleach look so much better by comparison!    ;)

I think that he didn't want to get the bucket out and wash the floor properly, because that would be more work.  Naturally, he didn't want to share that information with you.  Since the water in the commode looked clean, he thought that it would do.  He didn't expect you to walk in and "catch" him.

but if he was being lazy then he could have filled up the sink and used that!

I don't know is lazy is exactly the word I had in mind, but I see how you would think that.  I believe that Wild One's husband was thoroughly unfastidious, and didn't think that the toilet water was particularly dirty and would be fine to use.   He was probably totally dumbfounded when she cried.

As far as using the sink goes, I think that to him the toilet was more efficient because it sounds like he was on his hands and knees using a sponge.  If he used the sink he have to keep bending up and down.  The toilet was closer to the floor.

I kind of agree with him. Once I've cleaned the toilet (which I always do first), it's clean and the water in it is clean. It comes from same tap as the water in the sink. I wouldn't use it to clean the floor because the floor dirt would then dirty up my nice clean toilet and I use warm water on my floors, but I don't see anything gross about it.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: jedikaiti on April 14, 2014, 04:41:29 PM
Yea, but that kind of assumes the toilet had just been thoroughly scrubbed and had not been used in the meantime.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: StarFaerie on April 14, 2014, 04:44:51 PM
Yea, but that kind of assumes the toilet had just been thoroughly scrubbed and had not been used in the meantime.

True. I was hoping.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Katana_Geldar on April 14, 2014, 05:04:02 PM
Even if the toilet has been cleaned, getting water from there is still rather strange.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 14, 2014, 08:25:32 PM
My middle child has ADD but isn't medicated due to him usually being able to manage it and getting decent grades, as well as just not finding anything that really works for him, med wise.

Now, I don't mind him bringing something to fidget with in church if it truly did help him to pay attention as he claims it does. But when I give him little quizzes as to what the gospel was about, he can't answer them.  Not to mention he makes it really obvious at times that he's not paying attention. Like today, making tiny sculptures out of clay and lining them up along the back of the pew in front of us.

I was talking to him after the service about this when a woman came up and started praising him for his creativity and making excuses for him left and right. "He's just being a boy!"  ::)

I've always had trouble listening to and following the sermon, and I don't have ADHD.  I just don't learn well from listening, I learn better from seeing.  I've started taking sermon notes, and, while I always struggled in college to both listen and take notes, because listening is hard for me, the no pressure situation of a sermon makes note-taking work well to keep my attention.  :)

Sorry that that woman was encouraging him in not paying attention, though!  Did he overhear?

Oh she said it right in front of him, including the fact that "there's no such thing as ADD and boys are just hummingbirds on crack and shouldn't be medicated for behavior that comes naturally to them!"  I'll give him this, he just stared at her when she said that, not wanting to argue with her, and when she left he said quietly to me "ADD is real!"

I do take notes during the sermon though. Mainly because my friend and I attend different churches and so I like to jot down a few ideas that will help me remember what really struck me about the sermon when I sit down to type up the email once I get home after fellowship, putting littlest pirate down for a nap and changing out of my church clothes. Our church does share the sermons on their website but they often don't show up for a couple of weeks after they're given.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: HGolightly on April 15, 2014, 06:47:16 AM
I hear you all about " free" furniture. DH will not say no to his parents about anything. They were downsizing their home when we were moving into our home and "kindly" gave us a box of rusted tools that were unusable ( incl a saw with no handle) and an entire box of metal clothes hangers.  They also felt DH's kitchen table was too small for our dining room and swapped with theirs on moving day. Their set fell apart within months due to age, wear and tear and quality. We did not have a table until after our wedding thanks to generous gifts.  We also got a couch from mil's late uncle with the bonus gift of a mice infestation. The final straw came when they gave our soon to be born baby a dresser that could be used as a change table. It was horrible, been through three kids (including our niece who got brand new furniture from them to replace it) and was broken. The drawer rails were broken, the drawer fronts were cracked and the niece covered it with stickers. It took my handy parents 20 hours of gluing, replacing and painting to make it usable. It went to the dump when we moved. My MIL thinks she is doing us a second favour when we need to replace the garbage they give us as now we can pick what we want.....which we could have done in the first place and saved headaches.  DH now refuses their offers after the last two incidents.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on April 15, 2014, 08:08:39 AM
I hear you all about " free" furniture. DH will not say no to his parents about anything. They were downsizing their home when we were moving into our home and "kindly" gave us a box of rusted tools that were unusable ( incl a saw with no handle) and an entire box of metal clothes hangers.  They also felt DH's kitchen table was too small for our dining room and swapped with theirs on moving day. Their set fell apart within months due to age, wear and tear and quality. We did not have a table until after our wedding thanks to generous gifts.  We also got a couch from mil's late uncle with the bonus gift of a mice infestation. The final straw came when they gave our soon to be born baby a dresser that could be used as a change table. It was horrible, been through three kids (including our niece who got brand new furniture from them to replace it) and was broken. The drawer rails were broken, the drawer fronts were cracked and the niece covered it with stickers. It took my handy parents 20 hours of gluing, replacing and painting to make it usable. It went to the dump when we moved. My MIL thinks she is doing us a second favour when we need to replace the garbage they give us as now we can pick what we want.....which we could have done in the first place and saved headaches.  DH now refuses their offers after the last two incidents.

Of course she thinks you're doing her a favor--you went to all that work to salvage it (via your parents), so that's a clear message that you really valued it!

You'd have sent a clearer message if you'd thrown it out immediately and gone and bought something new.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Last_Dance on April 15, 2014, 09:49:14 AM
I have a fresh story for this thread!

This morning, our bed broke - it's one of those beds that have extra storage space underneath for linens etc. One of the springs that helps me pull it up and down got stuck and I couldn't close it anymore.

Since DF was at work, I first tried to call MIL to ask her the number of the shop that sold us the bed, but she didn't answer and I ended up calling DF anyway.

MIL called me back after I had already called the shop: I explained what happened and I also mentioned that the shop can't send anyone until after Easter. I got a flood well-meant but mostly useless advice - which wouldn't have been so bad.

Unfortunately, after getting off the phone with me, MIL started repeatedly calling FIL and DF while they were at work, in middle of a business appointment! Both FIL and DF were very annoyed

When DF got home, he told me not to call him too much at work when he's busy.... I got in trouble for MIL's calls even though I didn't ask her to make them and they certainly didn't help solve the problem!  ::)

I've learned my lesson: never ask MIL anything!  ;D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Shalamar on April 15, 2014, 10:18:08 AM
I wasn't surprised when my MIL tried to get us to take her cousin's livingroom set - and, if you saw MIL's basement in her old house, you wouldn't be surprised either.   It was wall-to-wall furniture, mostly cast-offs from relatives who either downsized or died.  And ugly?  Oy.  The 70's were not a good era for attractive couches.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: alkira6 on April 15, 2014, 11:17:59 AM
And I thought the time my DH used Pledge on the hardwood floors was bad!!!  ;D  Granted, they looked showroom new, but holy cow they were slippery!!!

I didn't know my husband had another brother!  What is it with these guys?

Add me as someone else who had awesomely shiny floors and a sore bottom.   ;D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: learningtofly on April 15, 2014, 11:40:20 AM
I hear you all about " free" furniture. DH will not say no to his parents about anything. They were downsizing their home when we were moving into our home and "kindly" gave us a box of rusted tools that were unusable ( incl a saw with no handle) and an entire box of metal clothes hangers.  They also felt DH's kitchen table was too small for our dining room and swapped with theirs on moving day. Their set fell apart within months due to age, wear and tear and quality. We did not have a table until after our wedding thanks to generous gifts.  We also got a couch from mil's late uncle with the bonus gift of a mice infestation. The final straw came when they gave our soon to be born baby a dresser that could be used as a change table. It was horrible, been through three kids (including our niece who got brand new furniture from them to replace it) and was broken. The drawer rails were broken, the drawer fronts were cracked and the niece covered it with stickers. It took my handy parents 20 hours of gluing, replacing and painting to make it usable. It went to the dump when we moved. My MIL thinks she is doing us a second favour when we need to replace the garbage they give us as now we can pick what we want.....which we could have done in the first place and saved headaches.  DH now refuses their offers after the last two incidents.

Seriously, they're not helping.  When we bought our house one of DH's relatives had moved to a bigger place and offered us a few things.  They were perfect for our house and we really appreciated it.  Enter the rest of the furniture from other ILs.  It took me years to get the stuff out of my house.  I would have rather had no furniture at all as some of it was so old and saggy that no one sat there anyway.  We got a cracked patio set so someone could go off and buy a new one.  I finally told DH we were not a repository for junk and it stopped.  Some people had their heart in the right place and some people got that gleam in their eye that told me they were sagging me with furniture so they could buy new stuff with a clear conscience and a pat on the back.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: HGolightly on April 15, 2014, 12:11:00 PM
I agree TootsNYC but at the time we could not afford to nor had the space.  My spine has been polished since and the standard answer is now "no thank you, we have no use for that".  They can easily afford the fee to take things to the dump.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: GratefulMaria on April 15, 2014, 12:19:55 PM
A kinder furniture-gifting story here.  When DS1 and his GF found an apartment, my mother offered them a couch.  Great shape, plus it was a sleeper, they were happy to accept.  Right before move-in, she became very ill and was hospitalized in a coma.  We put a lot of plans on hold, changed others, and DS1 stayed in the area while she was in danger.  We did start taking some things down to the apartment, but nothing from her house.  After my mother regained consciousness, we were all in her hospital room, she beams up at DS1 and asks, "How do you like the couch?"  His sheepish grin and "Weeelllll," led to us having to explain that it would have been very poor form to be seen hauling things out of her house in a moving van just after the ambulance had taken her away.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 15, 2014, 12:30:30 PM
We inherited a sofa and loveseat from DH's grandmother when she could no longer live in her house and they had to sell it.  It must have been bought in the 70's cause it just had that kind of look to it.  They needed to do something with it to get it out of the house and offered it to us.  We took it and it made the move with us but I truly was not a huge fan of it. It wasn't that I found it ugly, it just wasn't really my style. I'm not a big one for patterns on the upholstry cause it makes it harder to coordinate with room decor. I like simpler, neutral styles.  Namely off-whites and earthy colors which would coordinate with nautical decor.

Anyway, the cats tore these up pretty badly and we eventually replaced it and no one was really terribly upset to see them go, thankfully. 

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Really? on April 15, 2014, 12:33:56 PM
GratefulMaria - Glad your mom got better, but that was funny story. :)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on April 15, 2014, 12:50:55 PM
I agree TootsNYC but at the time we could not afford to nor had the space.

Well, then, she was helping you, even if you didn't love the way she was doing so.


(I don't get how you wouldn't have had the space to throw out their crappy furniture.)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on April 15, 2014, 01:08:27 PM
I agree TootsNYC but at the time we could not afford to nor had the space.

Well, then, she was helping you, even if you didn't love the way she was doing so.


(I don't get how you wouldn't have had the space to throw out their crappy furniture.)

We only have large item trash pickup once a year, so if we had an apartment and a small garage, we wouldn't have space to store crappy furniture awaiting disposal.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: alkira6 on April 15, 2014, 01:32:02 PM
Right before we moved into our current house we put just about everything on Freecycle.  The last day was open call on everything under the carport - just come and get it.  All of that stuff was middling to bad condition hand me downs that should have been thrown away.  Most of it was picked up by "junk" people who will take anything.  The last little bits were taken to the dump with the moving truck. Well worth the dump fee.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Jloreli on April 15, 2014, 02:36:36 PM
And I thought the time my DH used Pledge on the hardwood floors was bad!!!  ;D  Granted, they looked showroom new, but holy cow they were slippery!!!

I didn't know my husband had another brother!  What is it with these guys?

Oh my goodness I'm married to another brother! I have that same argument with my DH several times a year over his burning desire to Pledge the wood floors. I generally have to resort to telling him that I am not up to having $XXXXX vet bills when one of our crazy dogs charges around the house and either injures themselves by slipping or crashing into something.....perhaps the giant TV he's so fond of!  >:D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MommyPenguin on April 15, 2014, 02:43:09 PM
Even if the toilet has been cleaned, getting water from there is still rather strange.

There's a joke about this (or maybe it's a story my MIL told me, I forget).  There was a school that was having problems with the girls putting on lipstick and then kissing the bathroom mirror, leaving lipstick prints all over the mirror in the girls' bathroom.  It looked awful and was causing the custodian a lot of extra work.  So finally, the principal got a bunch of the likely culprits to come to the bathroom for a demonstration.  She then asked the custodian to demonstrate how much extra work it was for him to clean the lipstick prints off the mirror.  So he took his mop, dipped it in a toilet, then washed the mirror with it.  The lipstick smears stopped that day.  :)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: magicdomino on April 15, 2014, 02:56:21 PM
And I thought the time my DH used Pledge on the hardwood floors was bad!!!  ;D  Granted, they looked showroom new, but holy cow they were slippery!!!

I didn't know my husband had another brother!  What is it with these guys?

Add me as someone else who had awesomely shiny floors and a sore bottom.   ;D

My nephew cleaned the bathroom with straight ammonia.  As best I can figure, he thought that the stronger the solution, the better it would clean.  And you can't get any stronger than straight from the bottle.  Darn near asphyxiated himself.   ::)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: PastryGoddess on April 15, 2014, 03:01:09 PM
And I thought the time my DH used Pledge on the hardwood floors was bad!!!  ;D  Granted, they looked showroom new, but holy cow they were slippery!!!

I didn't know my husband had another brother!  What is it with these guys?

Add me as someone else who had awesomely shiny floors and a sore bottom.   ;D

My nephew cleaned the bathroom with straight ammonia.  As best I can figure, he thought that the stronger the solution, the better it would clean.  And you can't get any stronger than straight from the bottle.  Darn near asphyxiated himself.   ::)

At least he didn't mix it with bleach...
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: darling on April 15, 2014, 04:01:21 PM
Even if the toilet has been cleaned, getting water from there is still rather strange.

There's a joke about this (or maybe it's a story my MIL told me, I forget).  There was a school that was having problems with the girls putting on lipstick and then kissing the bathroom mirror, leaving lipstick prints all over the mirror in the girls' bathroom.  It looked awful and was causing the custodian a lot of extra work.  So finally, the principal got a bunch of the likely culprits to come to the bathroom for a demonstration.  She then asked the custodian to demonstrate how much extra work it was for him to clean the lipstick prints off the mirror.  So he took his mop, dipped it in a toilet, then washed the mirror with it.  The lipstick smears stopped that day.  :)

 >:D !!!Snork!!!

Genius!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Klein Bottle on April 15, 2014, 04:46:49 PM
And I thought the time my DH used Pledge on the hardwood floors was bad!!!  ;D  Granted, they looked showroom new, but holy cow they were slippery!!!

I didn't know my husband had another brother!  What is it with these guys?

Oh my goodness I'm married to another brother! I have that same argument with my DH several times a year over his burning desire to Pledge the wood floors. I generally have to resort to telling him that I am not up to having $XXXXX vet bills when one of our crazy dogs charges around the house and either injures themselves by slipping or crashing into something.....perhaps the giant TV he's so fond of!  >:D

My bestie did this once, back when she and her husband lived in their previous home.    All was well, and she was pretty proud of her efforts, till her husband got home and tried to walk in socks.    ;D  Live and learn.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: rose red on April 15, 2014, 04:48:49 PM
Even if the toilet has been cleaned, getting water from there is still rather strange.

There's a joke about this (or maybe it's a story my MIL told me, I forget).  There was a school that was having problems with the girls putting on lipstick and then kissing the bathroom mirror, leaving lipstick prints all over the mirror in the girls' bathroom.  It looked awful and was causing the custodian a lot of extra work.  So finally, the principal got a bunch of the likely culprits to come to the bathroom for a demonstration.  She then asked the custodian to demonstrate how much extra work it was for him to clean the lipstick prints off the mirror.  So he took his mop, dipped it in a toilet, then washed the mirror with it.  The lipstick smears stopped that day.  :)

 >:D !!!Snork!!!

Genius!

I read that story on Reader's Digest so it may or may not be true.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: kherbert05 on April 15, 2014, 06:11:56 PM
Even if the toilet has been cleaned, getting water from there is still rather strange.

There's a joke about this (or maybe it's a story my MIL told me, I forget).  There was a school that was having problems with the girls putting on lipstick and then kissing the bathroom mirror, leaving lipstick prints all over the mirror in the girls' bathroom.  It looked awful and was causing the custodian a lot of extra work.  So finally, the principal got a bunch of the likely culprits to come to the bathroom for a demonstration.  She then asked the custodian to demonstrate how much extra work it was for him to clean the lipstick prints off the mirror.  So he took his mop, dipped it in a toilet, then washed the mirror with it.  The lipstick smears stopped that day.  :)

 >:D !!!Snork!!!

Genius!

I read that story on Reader's Digest so it may or may not be true.
If it wasn't true before - it is probably true now. I can totally see someone doing this just to gross out the kids and stop the behavior.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Magpy on April 15, 2014, 06:38:00 PM
I've been reading here a long time and finally had something to contribute.

When my DH and I got married years ago, we planned a very low-key, casual event.  My husband is very shy and hates crowds.  I wanted to make sure he had a wedding HE enjoyed, too.  The ceremony was immediate family plus two friends only, and we had balloons instead of flowers (he hates flowers with a passion). 

Our plan was for everyone at the wedding to gather to pick out their balloons, and then we were to all walk together as a group to the ceremony location.

One of our friends decided this wasn't an acceptable level of formality.  He went to my (almost!) DH and told him I had changed my mind and we were now to walk in a processional to the wedding spot.  Then he came to me and told me DH had changed HIS mind and told me the same thing.  Mind, this was five minutes before the ceremony.

Luckily my sister figured out what had happened, and everything went just the way we planned.   
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: RooRoo on April 16, 2014, 12:40:46 AM
And I thought the time my DH used Pledge on the hardwood floors was bad!!!  ;D  Granted, they looked showroom new, but holy cow they were slippery!!!

I didn't know my husband had another brother!  What is it with these guys?
In Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys, he has a bit about guys cleaning. One of them is that, when asked to clean, they will "grab a spray bottle - any spray bottle - and a roll of paper towels..." I hope I've quoted it correctly.

(It's the funniest book I've ever read; DH and I quote from it all the time. The spray bottle is a frequent one. Others are "Did Elaine ever have a horse?" and "I can't believe the Jets called a draw play on 3rd and 17!") Muah ha ha! Now you have to read it!  >:D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: HGolightly on April 16, 2014, 08:36:39 AM
Luci45 Thank you! It was an awkward situation. Admittedly I could have handled it differently but we were given no reason that anything was wrong with the dresser so spent funds elsewhere for our then pending arrival.  I will drop the subject as I do not want my op to derail the thread.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MommyPenguin on April 16, 2014, 09:07:26 AM
And I thought the time my DH used Pledge on the hardwood floors was bad!!!  ;D  Granted, they looked showroom new, but holy cow they were slippery!!!

I didn't know my husband had another brother!  What is it with these guys?
In Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys, he has a bit about guys cleaning. One of them is that, when asked to clean, they will "grab a spray bottle - any spray bottle - and a roll of paper towels..." I hope I've quoted it correctly.

(It's the funniest book I've ever read; DH and I quote from it all the time. The spray bottle is a frequent one. Others are "Did Elaine ever have a horse?" and "I can't believe the Jets called a draw play on 3rd and 17!") Muah ha ha! Now you have to read it!  >:D

I once read something that talked about a mom not getting much done during the day, so she filled little bowls with Pine Sol and hid them behind picture frames on top of high pieces of furniture, so that the house *smelled* like she'd gotten cleaning done that day.  (This may have been in the Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy?)  I remember reading that and thinking... but what if the little bowls accidentally got spilled?  Wouldn't the house being a mess be more significant than the smell of Pine Sol?  Or, if the house was clean, would the smell of Pine Sol make that much difference between "clean" and "not clean?"
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: mrs_deb on April 16, 2014, 09:15:39 AM
In Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys, he has a bit about guys cleaning. One of them is that, when asked to clean, they will "grab a spray bottle - any spray bottle - and a roll of paper towels..." I hope I've quoted it correctly.


You laugh.  I owned a cleaning company for a few years...hired 99% women, but I did have a man once - during training, I went into a bathroom he was cleaning and saw him spraying disinfectant on the mirror.  Clear spray bottles clearly labeled, and glass cleaner = blue, disinfectant = green.  AND the disinfectant was mint-scented.  So kind of hard to mix up.

"Steve, that's not glass cleaner!  It's disinfectant!" I said.  His reply: "Ehhh...they're all the same."

Yeah...he didn't last long.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: 123sandy on April 16, 2014, 09:36:53 AM


I once read something that talked about a mom not getting much done during the day, so she filled little bowls with Pine Sol and hid them behind picture frames on top of high pieces of furniture, so that the house *smelled* like she'd gotten cleaning done that day.  (This may have been in the Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy?)  I remember reading that and thinking... but what if the little bowls accidentally got spilled?  Wouldn't the house being a mess be more significant than the smell of Pine Sol?  Or, if the house was clean, would the smell of Pine Sol make that much difference between "clean" and "not clean?"
[/quote]


Pine sol in the drains makes it smell like you've worked hard all day...
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: nutraxfornerves on April 16, 2014, 09:47:31 AM
When Mr. Nutrax and I were planning our wedding, we agreed on very formal invitations. He found a do-it-yourself invitation kit, complete with templates and stationary, that worked very well. While I was working on the invitations, he decided to helpfully take care of postage without consulting me. He was a stamp collector, so figured that he knew what he was doing.

First, it never occurred to him that wedding invitations might be heavier than one ounce, the amount allowed by a single first-class stamp. And  he didn't really think through what a formal invitation should look like. So he bought 100 of these stamps:
(http://thumbs3.ebaystatic.com/d/l225/m/m7c_ThFJiAwEWwbVfp-sJgw.jpg)

He was rather surprised when I said that, no, I was not going to mail out formal wedding invitations with Star Wars stamps, and look what happens when I put an invitation on your postal scale. I took an invitation to the post office to get the correct weight and buy stamps. When I joked with the clerk about the Star Wars stamps, he invited the people standing in line to comment. Opinion was pretty much evenly split on "cool" or "no way." A good time was had by all. Drab 58¢ stamps turned out to be just right.

However, I compromised. We included response envelopes. They all got Star Wars stamps.


Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Carotte on April 16, 2014, 10:19:28 AM
My SO's sister got lucky, she sent her wedding invitations around february (or at least bought the stamps then) so they were heart shaped St Valentine ones.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Shalamar on April 16, 2014, 10:22:56 AM
Speaking of stamps, I have a "stop helping me" story.  This happened to my mother back when she was still working:

Mum:  *the last day before her week of vacation*  Boy, I'm swamped.
Colleague:  I'll help!
Mum:  Really?  That would be great!  This big pile of out-going correspondence has been stamped, but now it needs to be mailed.
Colleague:  Okay, I'll do it next week.
Mum:  Um, no, it really needs to be done either today or tomorrow, because postage is going up by 5 cents after that.  If you wait too long, we'll have to add additional stamps.
Colleague:  Fine - I'll do it tomorrow.

Annnnnd she forgot.  Mum came back to find the big pile of correspondence exactly where she'd left it, and she had to add another 5 cent stamp to each envelope. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: z_squared82 on April 16, 2014, 12:22:52 PM
So kind of a spin on “helping”…

BG: My father is a mechanic. This was his primary job for most of my life, but the economy and his industry took a down turn, so now it’s part-time. I was helping out at his shop on a day he worked his primary job.  End BG.

A customer comes in to drop off a tiller for my dad to fix. It’s in the trunk of his car. I said, All right, I’ll help you get it out. I’m standing next to him, taking cues. I had my hand between the engine and the wall of the trunk when the customer moves the tiller and COMPLETELY SMASHED MY HAND between the engine and the wall. And then he scolds me for having my hand there! Dude, I said I was going to help, you saw me there, don’t act surprised! Didn’t apologize at all, basically implied that a woman shouldn’t have anything to do with anything mechanical. I had the have the next customer right up his own service ticket and then drove myself to the hospital, that’s how out of commission my hand was. (My hand was not, thankfully, broken, but I did have a bruise the size of an egg for a week and a half.)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: LadyClaire on April 17, 2014, 08:11:21 AM
My husband has an obsession with cars having to be absolutely clean inside. Nothing should be in the car except things like window scrapers, the owner's manual, etc.

This results in him deciding to be "helpful" and taking things out of my car if he happens to notice something in there. Which often results in him doing things like removing packages I put in there to take to the post office the next day, or a bag of clothes I was going to return to the store, or a box of things I was going to give to a co-worker. I have told him repeatedly to stop taking things out of my car, but he still does it.

My car has been at the dealership for a month since it was one of the cars affected by the GM ignition switch recall, and since the car was having ignition problems GM gave me a rental until my car was fixed. They called this morning to tell me that my car is done. I just went out to grab the paperwork for the rental so that I can check how much gas it had in it when they gave it to me (they only asked the gas level match what it was when I took the car). The paperwork is gone. I called my husband..Oh, yes. He took the paper out of the car and put it on the kitchen table. I don't even get his logic with that one. Rental car paperwork should be IN the rental car. He could have put it in the glove box or the console but no..he took it out of the car and inside the house.

I am now going to have to just lock my car and keep the keys in my purse to stop him from his obsessive removal of things from my car.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: alkira6 on April 17, 2014, 08:38:18 AM
My husband has an obsession with cars having to be absolutely clean inside. Nothing should be in the car except things like window scrapers, the owner's manual, etc.

This results in him deciding to be "helpful" and taking things out of my car if he happens to notice something in there. Which often results in him doing things like removing packages I put in there to take to the post office the next day, or a bag of clothes I was going to return to the store, or a box of things I was going to give to a co-worker. I have told him repeatedly to stop taking things out of my car, but he still does it.

My car has been at the dealership for a month since it was one of the cars affected by the GM ignition switch recall, and since the car was having ignition problems GM gave me a rental until my car was fixed. They called this morning to tell me that my car is done. I just went out to grab the paperwork for the rental so that I can check how much gas it had in it when they gave it to me (they only asked the gas level match what it was when I took the car). The paperwork is gone. I called my husband..Oh, yes. He took the paper out of the car and put it on the kitchen table. I don't even get his logic with that one. Rental car paperwork should be IN the rental car. He could have put it in the glove box or the console but no..he took it out of the car and inside the house.

I am now going to have to just lock my car and keep the keys in my purse to stop him from his obsessive removal of things from my car.

wow, that is odd.  I can't get my husband to clean out the trash in his car, let alone mine.  Maybe he can have a side job as a care detailer  >:D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: shadowfox79 on April 17, 2014, 08:43:21 AM
This one came up at work yesterday - it wasn't in my building, but our Health and Safety Officer sent an email round about it.

One of our buildings is quite tall and, as a result, has disability rescue points on the stairs, since during a fire alarm the lifts automatically switch off. Yesterday there was a fire drill, and one woman in a wheelchair went and parked in the rescue point. However, some genius co-worker found her there, grabbed the handles, and pushed the chair at a run all the way down the corridor to the lifts - which, of course, weren't operating. So now we have two panicking colleagues in the wrong part of the building to be rescued.

The stories in this thread about people with disabilities are frankly unnerving. I don't know which is worse - people who are over-zealous or people who want to help but not make much effort. I will never forget a TV documentary with celebrities wearing blackout glasses to see if they could manage being blind. One girl offered to help one of them and walked her straight smack into a post.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: siamesecat2965 on April 17, 2014, 12:10:02 PM
When my daughter was 3 she 'helped' me clean the toilet. With my toothbrush. And when I asked she told me proudly she had been 'helping' me for a long time. She told me her previous brush was pink. I had changed toothbrushes 3 weeks before.

Hehehe. A friend posted recently that heard "licking" noises coming from the bathroom. Went to investigate,and found his CAT licking his toothbrush. Someone kindly pointed out it may not have been the first time  >:D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: siamesecat2965 on April 17, 2014, 12:24:05 PM
On the subject of "hand me downs" I will say all of the furniture in my apt, aside form my bed, is from my parents, who got a lot from grandma and my one great aunt. But, it was all mutually decided upon when I moved out. Mom said what do you need, i said, well, this and that, and so on, and we went around and she offered what she was willing to give up, and I took it.

She was thrilled when I moved as she had a gorgeous vanity that had been my grandmother's - but I had no room for. I told her i wasn't sure if it would fit in my new apt, but when i got there, and had my other furniture, it did.  I chose one, she sold the other, but the funny part is, wasn't until I had that, plus dresser and armoire, did I realisze i had chosen the vanity that matched the other two. They had been my grandparent's when they got married in the 1920's.

And now, she always asks me first, as I do her. if we want it, great, if not, we can dispose of it as we choose.

I have a cousin though, who is always trying to pawn her clothes off onto me and her SIL. she's lost weight, and her original size fits her SIL, and her in-between fits me. The problem is, SIL and I have different taste in clothes than cousin, and cousin also tends to wear things she likes, rather than what is actually flatering on her. and as we have the same body type, i very rarely take anything.

I live out of state, but her SIL is local, so she has a very bad habit of dumping bringing bags of clothing to SIL, and just leaving them, and when SIL doens't want any of it, she's now stuck with getting rid of it! And cousin gets irked sometimes when we DON'T take any of her stuff. Sorry, but i am a tad fluffy, and tapered, low rise ankle jeans in colored denim only make my posterior look like a giant piece of fruit.

I cleaned out my closet recently, but I emailed SIL and said i have this and that, are you interested? she said thanks, but no, so off to Goodwill it went.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Slartibartfast on April 17, 2014, 01:28:13 PM
FIL runs a charity in which he collects books and brings them over to start libraries in several schools in Uganda.  (He's also building a high school, which is really cool, but the head of the school district loved the idea of a library and asked if he could help put one in each of the other 147 schools in the district as well.)  Not surprisingly, out of all the used books FIL ends up collecting, only about half are suitable to send - the other half are out-of-date college textbooks, half-used coloring books, moldy/mildewy/falling apart, too "adult" for a young audience, etc.

The problem is, he then goes through all these extra books and picks out the ones he thinks DH and I would like.  Which ends up being boxes and boxes of moldy physics textbooks (for DH) and 30-year-old Harlequin romances (for me) and sticker books with the gum all worn off the stickers (for Babybartfast).  I have no problem saying "no thanks," so the Harlequins have mostly stopped, but DH always accepts the textbooks because he does actually read that kind of stuff for fun.  Except we've now got a bookcase FULL of science and computer textbooks, many of which are falling apart / out of date / smelly / dirty, and DH won't let me throw them out  :-\
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: siamesecat2965 on April 17, 2014, 02:09:46 PM
My husband has an obsession with cars having to be absolutely clean inside. Nothing should be in the car except things like window scrapers, the owner's manual, etc.

This results in him deciding to be "helpful" and taking things out of my car if he happens to notice something in there. Which often results in him doing things like removing packages I put in there to take to the post office the next day, or a bag of clothes I was going to return to the store, or a box of things I was going to give to a co-worker. I have told him repeatedly to stop taking things out of my car, but he still does it.

 
I am now going to have to just lock my car and keep the keys in my purse to stop him from his obsessive removal of things from my car.

This would drive me nuts. Evilsiamsecat would be tempted to rig up my car with some sort of loud alarm and flashing lights, and water gun, that would go off ONLY when he went near the car, to ward him off. I keep a lot of stuff in my car too, and woe to anyone who'd remove it so it wasn't there when I needed it!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: jedikaiti on April 17, 2014, 02:31:54 PM
I think if I found I needed something from my car and my DH had removed it like that, I'd make HIM do the running around to get it and bring it to me!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: RegionMom on April 17, 2014, 02:38:25 PM
My van is like a second purse to me- water bottles and granola bars for me and the kids AND street beggars, a pair of flats for driving, wet wipes and tissue, all the stuff for emergency stops, plus a hairbrush and lipstick, tunes to listen to, charger cords, paper and pens, maps, hidden money for yard sales, first aid kit, nail clippers kit, and always some sort of randomness. 

Right now, it looks like I am ready to go giant vampire hunting because I have 5 foot long sharpened wooden stakes just floating under the back seats.  why?  leftovers from a scout camping activity that needs to be returned to a farish off scout trailer. 

As for a stop helping!  moment-

DH's parents are down sizing and offered us their lovely and heavy dining room table.  Yes, we will take it.  Please, grandmother, get OUT of the way of the DOOR!  This table is heavy!!  and we have to angle it just so and maneuver the front landing steps, so STOP trying to carry one leg, or wipe it off, or try to throw on the dust cover as we are walking backwards and sideways with this very heavy and lovely table!!  We've got it, and physics will not allow you into the equation of table angle vs. door vs. steps. 

 ::)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: GratefulMaria on April 17, 2014, 03:46:51 PM
Life would grind to a screeching halt if I didn't have a chance to load my car up for errands ahead of time.  We have our SUV and my mother's sedan here now.  I loaded the sedan up Sunday evening:  DS2's care package, dry cleaning, a bunch of corrugated for recycling, library books to return, more.  Thank goodness DH asked instead of just taking it so I could have the SUV -- I told him whoever has the stuff takes on the to-do list!

Then there was the time a few years ago we switched cars for some repair work, and we each topped the other's off with gas to save one another the trouble.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Nuala on April 17, 2014, 08:05:16 PM
Our plan was for everyone at the wedding to gather to pick out their balloons, and then we were to all walk together as a group to the ceremony location.

That sounds wonderful. Where there other out of the ordinary things at your wedding?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Magpy on April 18, 2014, 11:00:43 AM
Our plan was for everyone at the wedding to gather to pick out their balloons, and then we were to all walk together as a group to the ceremony location.

That sounds wonderful. Where there other out of the ordinary things at your wedding?

Thank you!  It was a perfect wedding.  We were married at a college.  My husband hand-embroidered my wedding dress and his shirt - he wore jeans and sneakers.  We also had a visiting rooster try and eat the wedding cake!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: SCAJAfamily on April 18, 2014, 11:24:56 AM
My mom is responsible for the book section at a charity shop where all the funds go to the fire station next door.  The number of people who think their crummy donations are helping is astounding.  They get lots of good donations, of course, but the number of people who are cleaning out a house and don't want to pay dump fees is astounding. 

There is a giant sign outside now stating all the things they won't take and that there are cameras and you may not dump your crap here.  Still happens though.  My mom still has to sort out all the 1975 encyclopedias, the text books, the ripped falling apart mysteries and the Readers Digests and National Geographics that someone MUST want right?

The charity is losing money because they have to pay dump fees.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 18, 2014, 11:38:26 AM
It drives me crazy when someone I know will offer unsolicited advice and then act put out like I tricked her into giving me advice and next time I'll have to look it up on my own. But then when I do something on my own and don't tell her about it (even when it goes well) she acts hurt and will say "I could have given you good advice!"

I shared that one of our budgies laid an egg and she said "I don't know of anyone who's ever had a budgie (parakeet) do that, so that's one you'll have to research on your own!" Only...I'd already started looking into it.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: poundcake on April 18, 2014, 12:10:07 PM
My mom is responsible for the book section at a charity shop where all the funds go to the fire station next door.  The number of people who think their crummy donations are helping is astounding.  They get lots of good donations, of course, but the number of people who are cleaning out a house and don't want to pay dump fees is astounding. 

There is a giant sign outside now stating all the things they won't take and that there are cameras and you may not dump your crap here.  Still happens though.  My mom still has to sort out all the 1975 encyclopedias, the text books, the ripped falling apart mysteries and the Readers Digests and National Geographics that someone MUST want right?

The charity is losing money because they have to pay dump fees.

Similarly, a friend of mine runs a charity helping welfare-to-work women find appropriate careerwear. They have set hours for donations, and specific requirements for donated items (on hangers, businesswear in good condition, clean). But of course, people show up at all hours with garbage bags full of old t-shirts and flip flops and want to know why these ungrateful welfare women don't want their donations. And one of the fun reasons why all the clothing must be on hangers is because when they're bagged, people were doing things like throwing in all sorts of non-clothing junk mixed in, so that the charity was dealing with discarding all sorts of stray knickknacks and crap, not just clothing. And there's nothing like reaching into a bag expecting to pull out clothing and getting a handful of broken glass from a bunch of picture frames someone shoved in with everything.

But again, people just get incensed when they show up without an appointment and there is no one available to help them because the employees and volunteers are busy with clients,  don't understand why they can't just drop off bags full of whatever in the office lobby, and throw temper tantrums when they aren't hailed as wonderful heroes for "helping" by trying to unload two Hefty bags full of stretched-out sweatpants, torn shirts, used underwear, and one pair of tailored pants with a busted zipper.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: geekette on April 19, 2014, 02:49:31 AM
At work recently, I grumbled to my cubicle-mate that couldn't find any thorough statistics on something, so I had to get some other related statistics and do some complicated equations to extrapolate some estimates. An hour later, I was still asking him to stop sending me websites about the complicated equations - I know the equations, I had done the equations, I was trying to analyze the results and he kept breaking my concentration.

And in the process of explaining that to him, everyone else in the bay found out I was using the complicated equation, and started to send me websites to help with it, since I was having so much trouble...

*bangs head on desk*
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: kherbert05 on April 19, 2014, 11:12:25 AM
Donations


When I was at the Children's Art Museum we had a found object art table the kids loved. We took all sorts of donations but they had to be kid safe
1. No glass
2. No chemical/cleaning containers
3. No Rx bottles
4. No knifes/Razors
5. No food containers still containing food.


We had this one woman that would bring all of the above and then complain to some board members when she saw me dumping her donations in the trash bin. I was told to go through and use everything possible. None of it was possible all of it was on the no list. Not to mention the bugs.


It stopped after someone got hurt - thankfully that was me not a kid. I reached in trying to sort through the bag and got peanut butter smeared all over my hand. Dad had been put on the board a couple of years after I was hired. They happen to be having a board meeting that day. I called and told them to a) Get Dad out of the board meeting to take me to the ER b) send someone from the main museum to help my assistant because it was summer and Free Tuesday. A board member who was a Mom of young kids came over to help. She apparently took pictures and put her foot down about the inappropriate donations both to the board and to the woman leaving the trash. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Harriet Jones on April 19, 2014, 12:28:11 PM


It stopped after someone got hurt - thankfully that was me not a kid. I reached in trying to sort through the bag and got peanut butter smeared all over my hand. Dad had been put on the board a couple of years after I was hired. They happen to be having a board meeting that day. I called and told them to a) Get Dad out of the board meeting to take me to the ER b) send someone from the main museum to help my assistant because it was summer and Free Tuesday. A board member who was a Mom of young kids came over to help. She apparently took pictures and put her foot down about the inappropriate donations both to the board and to the woman leaving the trash.

Yuck.  Why weren't you wearing gloves? I'm not allergic to anything, but I don't think I'd be sorting trash without some sort of protection.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: AngelicGamer on April 19, 2014, 12:54:28 PM


It stopped after someone got hurt - thankfully that was me not a kid. I reached in trying to sort through the bag and got peanut butter smeared all over my hand. Dad had been put on the board a couple of years after I was hired. They happen to be having a board meeting that day. I called and told them to a) Get Dad out of the board meeting to take me to the ER b) send someone from the main museum to help my assistant because it was summer and Free Tuesday. A board member who was a Mom of young kids came over to help. She apparently took pictures and put her foot down about the inappropriate donations both to the board and to the woman leaving the trash.

Yuck.  Why weren't you wearing gloves? I'm not allergic to anything, but I don't think I'd be sorting trash without some sort of protection.

Because it was "donations" not trash, possibly?  And if she treated it like trash, she'd get more flack.  At least, that's how I'm reading the situation.  At least it stopped after that.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: stargazer on April 19, 2014, 02:04:02 PM


It stopped after someone got hurt - thankfully that was me not a kid. I reached in trying to sort through the bag and got peanut butter smeared all over my hand. Dad had been put on the board a couple of years after I was hired. They happen to be having a board meeting that day. I called and told them to a) Get Dad out of the board meeting to take me to the ER b) send someone from the main museum to help my assistant because it was summer and Free Tuesday. A board member who was a Mom of young kids came over to help. She apparently took pictures and put her foot down about the inappropriate donations both to the board and to the woman leaving the trash.

Yuck.  Why weren't you wearing gloves? I'm not allergic to anything, but I don't think I'd be sorting trash without some sort of protection.

Because it was "donations" not trash, possibly?  And if she treated it like trash, she'd get more flack.  At least, that's how I'm reading the situation.  At least it stopped after that.

Yeah but with a severe allergy I wouldn't go through donations either without wearing gloves.  And clearly some of it was trash if peanut butter was just smeared on something. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: AngelicGamer on April 19, 2014, 02:27:03 PM


It stopped after someone got hurt - thankfully that was me not a kid. I reached in trying to sort through the bag and got peanut butter smeared all over my hand. Dad had been put on the board a couple of years after I was hired. They happen to be having a board meeting that day. I called and told them to a) Get Dad out of the board meeting to take me to the ER b) send someone from the main museum to help my assistant because it was summer and Free Tuesday. A board member who was a Mom of young kids came over to help. She apparently took pictures and put her foot down about the inappropriate donations both to the board and to the woman leaving the trash.

Yuck.  Why weren't you wearing gloves? I'm not allergic to anything, but I don't think I'd be sorting trash without some sort of protection.

Because it was "donations" not trash, possibly?  And if she treated it like trash, she'd get more flack.  At least, that's how I'm reading the situation.  At least it stopped after that.

Yeah but with a severe allergy I wouldn't go through donations either without wearing gloves.  And clearly some of it was trash if peanut butter was just smeared on something.

You make a good point.  I don't know if I would remember to put on gloves due to having a major allergy if I wasn't expecting to find it in a donation bag.  I hope kherbert05 comes back and tells us.  :)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: shhh its me on April 19, 2014, 02:50:46 PM


It stopped after someone got hurt - thankfully that was me not a kid. I reached in trying to sort through the bag and got peanut butter smeared all over my hand. Dad had been put on the board a couple of years after I was hired. They happen to be having a board meeting that day. I called and told them to a) Get Dad out of the board meeting to take me to the ER b) send someone from the main museum to help my assistant because it was summer and Free Tuesday. A board member who was a Mom of young kids came over to help. She apparently took pictures and put her foot down about the inappropriate donations both to the board and to the woman leaving the trash.

Yuck.  Why weren't you wearing gloves? I'm not allergic to anything, but I don't think I'd be sorting trash without some sort of protection.

Because it was "donations" not trash, possibly?  And if she treated it like trash, she'd get more flack.  At least, that's how I'm reading the situation.  At least it stopped after that.

Yeah but with a severe allergy I wouldn't go through donations either without wearing gloves.  And clearly some of it was trash if peanut butter was just smeared on something.

You make a good point.  I don't know if I would remember to put on gloves due to having a major allergy if I wasn't expecting to find it in a donation bag.  I hope kherbert05 comes back and tells us.  :)

I don't know if I was allergic to a food product and was looking though donated art supplies(I'm thinking paper rolls ,tissue boxes buttons , magazines for collages type stuff ?) with the specific exclusion "no food containers" I may not wear gloves.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Mary Lennox on April 19, 2014, 02:58:48 PM


It stopped after someone got hurt - thankfully that was me not a kid. I reached in trying to sort through the bag and got peanut butter smeared all over my hand. Dad had been put on the board a couple of years after I was hired. They happen to be having a board meeting that day. I called and told them to a) Get Dad out of the board meeting to take me to the ER b) send someone from the main museum to help my assistant because it was summer and Free Tuesday. A board member who was a Mom of young kids came over to help. She apparently took pictures and put her foot down about the inappropriate donations both to the board and to the woman leaving the trash.

Yuck.  Why weren't you wearing gloves? I'm not allergic to anything, but I don't think I'd be sorting trash without some sort of protection.

Because it was "donations" not trash, possibly?  And if she treated it like trash, she'd get more flack.  At least, that's how I'm reading the situation.  At least it stopped after that.

Yeah but with a severe allergy I wouldn't go through donations either without wearing gloves.  And clearly some of it was trash if peanut butter was just smeared on something.

You make a good point.  I don't know if I would remember to put on gloves due to having a major allergy if I wasn't expecting to find it in a donation bag.  I hope kherbert05 comes back and tells us.  :)

I don't know if I was allergic to a food product and was looking though donated art supplies(I'm thinking paper rolls ,tissue boxes buttons , magazines for collages type stuff ?) with the specific exclusion "no food containers" I may not wear gloves.

But this was an ongoing problem with this donor. If I know a person consistently breaks the rules about donating and I have a life threatening allergy, you bet I'd be wearing gloves! And a mask! And disposable clothing! (okay, maybe not that far, but you can bet I'd be wearing some sort of protection)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: FauxFoodist on April 19, 2014, 04:25:15 PM


It stopped after someone got hurt - thankfully that was me not a kid. I reached in trying to sort through the bag and got peanut butter smeared all over my hand. Dad had been put on the board a couple of years after I was hired. They happen to be having a board meeting that day. I called and told them to a) Get Dad out of the board meeting to take me to the ER b) send someone from the main museum to help my assistant because it was summer and Free Tuesday. A board member who was a Mom of young kids came over to help. She apparently took pictures and put her foot down about the inappropriate donations both to the board and to the woman leaving the trash.

Yuck.  Why weren't you wearing gloves? I'm not allergic to anything, but I don't think I'd be sorting trash without some sort of protection.

Because it was "donations" not trash, possibly?  And if she treated it like trash, she'd get more flack.  At least, that's how I'm reading the situation.  At least it stopped after that.

Yeah but with a severe allergy I wouldn't go through donations either without wearing gloves.  And clearly some of it was trash if peanut butter was just smeared on something.

You make a good point.  I don't know if I would remember to put on gloves due to having a major allergy if I wasn't expecting to find it in a donation bag.  I hope kherbert05 comes back and tells us.  :)

I don't know if I was allergic to a food product and was looking though donated art supplies(I'm thinking paper rolls ,tissue boxes buttons , magazines for collages type stuff ?) with the specific exclusion "no food containers" I may not wear gloves.

But this was an ongoing problem with this donor. If I know a person consistently breaks the rules about donating and I have a life threatening allergy, you bet I'd be wearing gloves! And a mask! And disposable clothing! (okay, maybe not that far, but you can bet I'd be wearing some sort of protection)

I know from reading kherbert05's previous posts that she has spent a lifetime exercising extreme caution when protecting herself from possible situations that could trigger life-threatening allergic reactions so I'm just going to trust she had good reason for not expecting to have to do so in this case.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: blue2000 on April 19, 2014, 06:10:47 PM
I have severe allergies, and I would wear gloves if I thought there was garbage or unwashed clothing in the bag, but I would not be expecting open food either. And if the bags were unmarked, no one would know which ones came from the 'problem' donor. I think a lot of charities would pitch them without opening if they could be sure of that.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MommyPenguin on April 20, 2014, 10:09:41 PM
I used to work in a library, and one task we sometimes had to do was to check the book drop bin every morning, collect all the books, and put them on a cart to take upstairs to be checked in.  One morning, I was scooping up books by the handful, as usual, when I realized that I had some sort of weird goopy stuff all over my hands.  It was all over the books, the book drop, etc.  I saw the bag of it, a large clear plastic bag leaking all over the place.

I'll mention that this was shortly after September 11th, 2001, and while all the anthrax scares were going on, with anthrax being sent to congressmen and such.

I was immediately sent to the bathroom to scrub, and somebody came to pick up the stuff and figure out what it was.  I had to get back to work, but my hands got red and itchy where I'd touched the stuff.  I have no allergies, zip, nada, zilch, so this was a disturbing sign.

What did it turn out to be?  Hand soap.  Concentrated hand soap.  Somebody had stolen it out of a gas station's bathroom, just taken the entire tube insert thing out, then tossed it into the book drop as vandalism.

Apparently, hand soap is concentrated enough that if you get a whole lot of it all over your hands, and it takes you a few minutes to get to the bathroom to wash it off, it will irritate your skin.  But that's all.  Whew.

However, I would *never* have thought to wear gloves while looking in the book drop.  And really I wouldn't have when looking through, say, a bag of donations intended for Goodwill, which is what I picture in the museum situation.  I'm picturing miscellaneous trinkets and things of that sort.  Of course, if containers still containing food, Rx bottles, and bottles of chemicals were sometimes appearing in donations, then maybe it would generally be a good idea with that particular donor!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Harriet Jones on April 21, 2014, 12:15:59 AM
"Found items" has always pretty much sounded like garbage to me (clean garbage, but still).   
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: CakeEater on April 21, 2014, 08:34:17 AM
A friend stayed here this weekend. I had a giant pile of clean clothes to fold on the couch, which I was going to do while we watched a movie. So I came out from putting kids to bed, and friend had started folding.

I've discovered that I'm a bit fussy about folding - I fold bath towels differently to beach towels for a very practical reason which is boring to explain, I like to put things into piles according to how they go into cupboards, I know how the shirts need to be folded so they fit in the spaces in the kids' shelves etc.

So friend had folded all the towels into different shapes than I do, and made a huge pile with guest towels, bath towels and beach towels all in the same pile, shirts folded too small, kids clothes mixed into each others' piles etc. So much more effort to sort it all out than to have just done it myself in the first place.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: siamesecat2965 on April 21, 2014, 08:43:06 AM
A friend stayed here this weekend. I had a giant pile of clean clothes to fold on the couch, which I was going to do while we watched a movie. So I came out from putting kids to bed, and friend had started folding.

I've discovered that I'm a bit fussy about folding - I fold bath towels differently to beach towels for a very practical reason which is boring to explain, I like to put things into piles according to how they go into cupboards, I know how the shirts need to be folded so they fit in the spaces in the kids' shelves etc.

So friend had folded all the towels into different shapes than I do, and made a huge pile with guest towels, bath towels and beach towels all in the same pile, shirts folded too small, kids clothes mixed into each others' piles etc. So much more effort to sort it all out than to have just done it myself in the first place.

I know exactly how you feel! I'm the same way about my laundry. I keep thinking I am in SOOO much trouble if i am ever not able to do mine and have to have someone help me. I'm fussy about my detergent, what goes in the dryer, for how long, how much soap I use (next to none) and so on. I would drive someone nuts if they had to help me since its not just "dump in the washer and put some soap in"
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: CakeEater on April 21, 2014, 08:50:21 AM
A friend stayed here this weekend. I had a giant pile of clean clothes to fold on the couch, which I was going to do while we watched a movie. So I came out from putting kids to bed, and friend had started folding.

I've discovered that I'm a bit fussy about folding - I fold bath towels differently to beach towels for a very practical reason which is boring to explain, I like to put things into piles according to how they go into cupboards, I know how the shirts need to be folded so they fit in the spaces in the kids' shelves etc.

So friend had folded all the towels into different shapes than I do, and made a huge pile with guest towels, bath towels and beach towels all in the same pile, shirts folded too small, kids clothes mixed into each others' piles etc. So much more effort to sort it all out than to have just done it myself in the first place.

I know exactly how you feel! I'm the same way about my laundry. I keep thinking I am in SOOO much trouble if i am ever not able to do mine and have to have someone help me. I'm fussy about my detergent, what goes in the dryer, for how long, how much soap I use (next to none) and so on. I would drive someone nuts if they had to help me since its not just "dump in the washer and put some soap in"

I always find it funny that advice for helping new mothers/people recovering for surgery/elderly relations often includes, 'Put a load of washing in, or fold a basket of laundry.' I always (internally) scream at the computer, 'But how would I know how small to fold the tea towels?!'
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: wolfie on April 21, 2014, 09:17:01 AM
A friend stayed here this weekend. I had a giant pile of clean clothes to fold on the couch, which I was going to do while we watched a movie. So I came out from putting kids to bed, and friend had started folding.

I've discovered that I'm a bit fussy about folding - I fold bath towels differently to beach towels for a very practical reason which is boring to explain, I like to put things into piles according to how they go into cupboards, I know how the shirts need to be folded so they fit in the spaces in the kids' shelves etc.

So friend had folded all the towels into different shapes than I do, and made a huge pile with guest towels, bath towels and beach towels all in the same pile, shirts folded too small, kids clothes mixed into each others' piles etc. So much more effort to sort it all out than to have just done it myself in the first place.

I know exactly how you feel! I'm the same way about my laundry. I keep thinking I am in SOOO much trouble if i am ever not able to do mine and have to have someone help me. I'm fussy about my detergent, what goes in the dryer, for how long, how much soap I use (next to none) and so on. I would drive someone nuts if they had to help me since its not just "dump in the washer and put some soap in"

I always find it funny that advice for helping new mothers/people recovering for surgery/elderly relations often includes, 'Put a load of washing in, or fold a basket of laundry.' I always (internally) scream at the computer, 'But how would I know how small to fold the tea towels?!'

I think that would be an interesting poll. Because as long as the clothes and towels fit where they need to fit I really don't care how they are folded. I do have my own preference but if someone else comes along and does them for me I am fine if they do it there way as long as they are all where they need to be when all is said and done. Makes me wonder how many people are like me and how many like you. Maybe an even split?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 21, 2014, 09:48:36 AM
There are some things that I wouldn't care how someone did for me but folding my laundry?  Is not one of them.  Almost all of my things are folded a very specific way and I would not deal very well with them being folded a different way.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Vall on April 21, 2014, 09:53:21 AM
When DH and I were dating, I went to the laundromat with him for the first time.  When I tried to help him fold the clothes, he told me that he'd rather just have the company since he was picky about the way things were folded (ex-military).  So I just kept him company.

We've been together ever since and I haven't done a load of laundry in 10 years.  I've never used our washing machine but in a pinch, I could probably figure it out.  I don't really care how things are folded but he does.  If someone tried to help him and folded things "wrong", he'd re-fold it but he'd be good at telling people to please not help him.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: jane7166 on April 21, 2014, 10:58:31 AM
A friend who was on bed rest during a pregnancy crisis told me she had no idea there were that many ways to fold towels.  I and her other friends who came over daily each had our own special way, apparently. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Asharah on April 21, 2014, 11:20:03 AM
Read a story once where Mom got on teenaged son for the way he was folding his T-shirts, Argument ended with teen rumpling shirt in a ball and storming off. Moral of the story, if you have a teenaged son who is actually willing to fold his own clothes, shut your trap and let him fold them anyway he darn well pleases.  ;D :D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Shalamar on April 21, 2014, 11:40:55 AM
That reminds me of when I was helping my mum put away laundry when I was a teenager, and she stopped me as I was putting away some of Dad's socks.  "Um, your dad likes his socks done THIS way, not that way."  I was all "... you're kidding, right?  They're SOCKS."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MommyPenguin on April 21, 2014, 12:01:20 PM
My husband and I have different ideas about how clothes should be folded.  The compromise is, I fold my clothes my way and his clothes his way.  The kids fold their own and I couldn't care less as long as the right clothes go in the right drawer (which they don't always).  I fold the towels a certain way, but when my MIL comes for a visit and folds them another way, I'm too busy singing praises for her help to care.  My folding style is more of a preference.  Not that I think anything's wrong with being picky, as I am in other things, folding's just not one of them.  Toilet paper?  Goes OVER THE TOP.  <grin>
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Slartibartfast on April 21, 2014, 12:02:55 PM
What's this "folding" of which you speak?   :P

(I got sick of DH unfolding half his shirts to hang them in the closet - I still can't tell what criteria he uses to determine whether a shirt goes in the closet or the dresser.  So now he gets a basket of loose shirts and he can fold them however he ding-dangety well pleases.)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Asharah on April 21, 2014, 12:07:34 PM
My criteria for shirts and pants is T-shirts, jeans and shorts are folded for drawers. Any other shirts or pants go on hangers. I have received no complaints.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on April 21, 2014, 12:08:32 PM
A friend stayed here this weekend. I had a giant pile of clean clothes to fold on the couch, which I was going to do while we watched a movie. So I came out from putting kids to bed, and friend had started folding.

I've discovered that I'm a bit fussy about folding - I fold bath towels differently to beach towels for a very practical reason which is boring to explain, I like to put things into piles according to how they go into cupboards, I know how the shirts need to be folded so they fit in the spaces in the kids' shelves etc.

So friend had folded all the towels into different shapes than I do, and made a huge pile with guest towels, bath towels and beach towels all in the same pile, shirts folded too small, kids clothes mixed into each others' piles etc. So much more effort to sort it all out than to have just done it myself in the first place.

I know exactly how you feel! I'm the same way about my laundry. I keep thinking I am in SOOO much trouble if i am ever not able to do mine and have to have someone help me. I'm fussy about my detergent, what goes in the dryer, for how long, how much soap I use (next to none) and so on. I would drive someone nuts if they had to help me since its not just "dump in the washer and put some soap in"

My family and friends (and I) are all similarly exacting (I'm not going to say "picky"--wrong connotation) about how things are folded. They won't fit on the shelves if they're wrong!

Once my friend was helping to fold the kids' clothes, and I had to almost wrestle her into submission to get her to believe me when I told her that THIS time, I didn't really care, just fold 'em in whatever seems sensible.

siamesecat--here's my "it doesn't go in the dryer" trick. I have a ton of net bags, and anything that's not dryer-able (knits, bras, stuff w/ stains) goes in a net bag.
   And net bags don't go in the dryer. (Not that someone who didn't know couldn't mess things up).
   I won't do other people's laundry if I'm helping them. Well, I won't do it without detailed consultation.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 21, 2014, 12:13:24 PM
Read a story once where Mom got on teenaged son for the way he was folding his T-shirts, Argument ended with teen rumpling shirt in a ball and storming off. Moral of the story, if you have a teenaged son who is actually willing to fold his own clothes, shut your trap and let him fold them anyway he darn well pleases.  ;D :D

LOL!!! Amen to that one...

I'm one who isn't really all that picky on folding clothes. Sure I have my way of doing things and I don't really bother folding knickers cause really, besides myself and dh no one is going to see them and neither of us cares if my knickers are wrinkled but at the same time I'm not crazy about someone else handling my knickers so if I do have someone helping, I'll often fish out the knickers and do it myself.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on April 21, 2014, 12:33:03 PM
I fold my undies so they'll fit in the drawer better--they're flat, so the drawer will close. And they take up less space, so I can cram more underwear in there. That's the reason I've always told my kids.

Folding clothes is a great example of how I try to teach my kids that there are *practical* reasons for the stuff we do. There's nothing morally superior about one way of folding stuff than another--there's no one "right" way. There's just "the way that accomplishes a specific goal" (like, fitting in the drawer, not getting wrinkled, etc.)

My DH would try to fold his shirts in thirds, the way they come in the package. And he couldn't do it neatly--they were always just kind of "flumped" there. So I taught him to fold them in half down the middle, because then he'd actually get them flat. Yes, even his polo shirts, with the collars.

My MIL told me, "That's now how you fold those shirts, you have to fold them in thirds." I told her, "Sez who? There's no law, you know, and if it gets them flat and in the drawer, it doesn't matter." She started up again, and I said, "In your house, feel free to fold them however you like. In my house, we fold them in half." She dropped it. But I think she still thinks I fold them wrong.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: GratefulMaria on April 21, 2014, 02:15:31 PM
I fold my undies so they'll fit in the drawer better--they're flat, so the drawer will close. And they take up less space, so I can cram more underwear in there. That's the reason I've always told my kids.

Folding clothes is a great example of how I try to teach my kids that there are *practical* reasons for the stuff we do. There's nothing morally superior about one way of folding stuff than another--there's no one "right" way. There's just "the way that accomplishes a specific goal" (like, fitting in the drawer, not getting wrinkled, etc.)

My DH would try to fold his shirts in thirds, the way they come in the package. And he couldn't do it neatly--they were always just kind of "flumped" there. So I taught him to fold them in half down the middle, because then he'd actually get them flat. Yes, even his polo shirts, with the collars.

My MIL told me, "That's now how you fold those shirts, you have to fold them in thirds." I told her, "Sez who? There's no law, you know, and if it gets them flat and in the drawer, it doesn't matter." She started up again, and I said, "In your house, feel free to fold them however you like. In my house, we fold them in half." She dropped it. But I think she still thinks I fold them wrong.

My mother and I just had this sort of conversation!  It was about some-food-storage-method-or-another and when I mentioned my method, she said something along the lines of "Well, you know the right way to do it."  I told her it didn't have to be "the right way" for me to be able to pick the way I did something.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Asharah on April 21, 2014, 02:45:58 PM
I fold my undies so they'll fit in the drawer better--they're flat, so the drawer will close. And they take up less space, so I can cram more underwear in there. That's the reason I've always told my kids.

Folding clothes is a great example of how I try to teach my kids that there are *practical* reasons for the stuff we do. There's nothing morally superior about one way of folding stuff than another--there's no one "right" way. There's just "the way that accomplishes a specific goal" (like, fitting in the drawer, not getting wrinkled, etc.)

My DH would try to fold his shirts in thirds, the way they come in the package. And he couldn't do it neatly--they were always just kind of "flumped" there. So I taught him to fold them in half down the middle, because then he'd actually get them flat. Yes, even his polo shirts, with the collars.

My MIL told me, "That's now how you fold those shirts, you have to fold them in thirds." I told her, "Sez who? There's no law, you know, and if it gets them flat and in the drawer, it doesn't matter." She started up again, and I said, "In your house, feel free to fold them however you like. In my house, we fold them in half." She dropped it. But I think she still thinks I fold them wrong.

My mother and I just had this sort of conversation!  It was about some-food-storage-method-or-another and when I mentioned my method, she said something along the lines of "Well, you know the right way to do it."  I told her it didn't have to be "the right way" for me to be able to pick the way I did something.
Over on the "Roommate Hell" thread, they had a couple of stories from OPs who were constantly told they were "wrong" anytime they didn't do things roommates way. Didn't vacuum the rooms in the right order. Didn't make the bed as soon as they got up. Didn't use bleach to clean the bathroom. Vacuumed the kitchen floor. Wrong, WRONG, WRONG! One said after she moved out, roomie had a bunch more roommates who didn't last any longer.  ;D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on April 21, 2014, 02:48:00 PM
speaking of helping, I don't think parents are helping their kids any when they teach them these things as "wrong" or "right." But you -do- help your kids by teaching them the *reasons* something is your preferred method. Even if it's, "It grates on my nerves to hear the sound of china on the glass refrigerator shelves, so use the Tupperware!"
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: CakeEater on April 21, 2014, 04:00:22 PM
I fold my undies so they'll fit in the drawer better--they're flat, so the drawer will close. And they take up less space, so I can cram more underwear in there. That's the reason I've always told my kids.

Folding clothes is a great example of how I try to teach my kids that there are *practical* reasons for the stuff we do. There's nothing morally superior about one way of folding stuff than another--there's no one "right" way. There's just "the way that accomplishes a specific goal" (like, fitting in the drawer, not getting wrinkled, etc.)

My DH would try to fold his shirts in thirds, the way they come in the package. And he couldn't do it neatly--they were always just kind of "flumped" there. So I taught him to fold them in half down the middle, because then he'd actually get them flat. Yes, even his polo shirts, with the collars.

My MIL told me, "That's now how you fold those shirts, you have to fold them in thirds." I told her, "Sez who? There's no law, you know, and if it gets them flat and in the drawer, it doesn't matter." She started up again, and I said, "In your house, feel free to fold them however you like. In my house, we fold them in half." She dropped it. But I think she still thinks I fold them wrong.

This was one of the exact problems! I'm a 'flat' folder and friend is a fold it in thirds type. But the kids' shirts are too small to fold like that - the pile on their shelves gets too high and falls over, and I can't fit as many in. And on adult shirts, it wrinkles the sleeves too much.

And I fold adult underwear, because it's bigger, but not kid underwear, because it sits better just laying flat. Dh likes his socks roled but not folded over on itself because it stretches out the elastic in the sock, but I like mine folded over because otherwise the pairs unravel in my drawer.

And I fold bath towels into eighths because the shelf is wider and I can get more on the shelf if they're folded flatter but wider, and beach towels into twelfths because they usually get shoved into swimming bags, and need to be folded into a smaller sausage shape.

But I feel like a bit of a nutter insisting on that, and it's much easier to just do it myself than explain how every item should be folded., or put up with it all being wrong in the cupboards for a week or two.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: laud_shy_girl on April 21, 2014, 04:28:36 PM
I have an obsession with hanging things. If I can possibly put it on a hanger, I do.

I hate folding things.

Back on topic, DH and I are tying to sort out my little Girls toys and move things up in the attic that she has out grown. He spent ages bagging things up (even thought I asked him not to) only for me to have to go through and take half of them out.

Most of what he bagged was toys she not only still played with, but asked for by name. Or in the case of some toys, they were things she had not had a chance to play with because they were new.

I think he finally 'gets it' and has stopped helping with this, after me explaining how and when she plays with each toy.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Elfmama on April 21, 2014, 04:45:04 PM
A friend stayed here this weekend. I had a giant pile of clean clothes to fold on the couch, which I was going to do while we watched a movie. So I came out from putting kids to bed, and friend had started folding.

I've discovered that I'm a bit fussy about folding - I fold bath towels differently to beach towels for a very practical reason which is boring to explain, I like to put things into piles according to how they go into cupboards, I know how the shirts need to be folded so they fit in the spaces in the kids' shelves etc.

So friend had folded all the towels into different shapes than I do, and made a huge pile with guest towels, bath towels and beach towels all in the same pile, shirts folded too small, kids clothes mixed into each others' piles etc. So much more effort to sort it all out than to have just done it myself in the first place.

I know exactly how you feel! I'm the same way about my laundry. I keep thinking I am in SOOO much trouble if i am ever not able to do mine and have to have someone help me. I'm fussy about my detergent, what goes in the dryer, for how long, how much soap I use (next to none) and so on. I would drive someone nuts if they had to help me since its not just "dump in the washer and put some soap in"

I always find it funny that advice for helping new mothers/people recovering for surgery/elderly relations often includes, 'Put a load of washing in, or fold a basket of laundry.' I always (internally) scream at the computer, 'But how would I know how small to fold the tea towels?!'

I think that would be an interesting poll. Because as long as the clothes and towels fit where they need to fit I really don't care how they are folded. I do have my own preference but if someone else comes along and does them for me I am fine if they do it there way as long as they are all where they need to be when all is said and done. Makes me wonder how many people are like me and how many like you. Maybe an even split?
It depends.  Have I trained them?

 Other than towels, I don't really care how they're folded, but when we were first married, it drove me NUTS the way DH would stack laundry. He'd fold a towel and put it on the table.  Then he'd fold a t-shirt, and put that on top of the towel.  Then he'd fold a tea-towel and put that on the stack, followed by one of my shirts, a pair of his undershorts, another of his t-shirts, a couple of pairs of socks, a dishcloth....  I think you get the idea.  So that to put it all away, you had to unstack it, and that would unfold one or more items, so they had to be refolded.

(I'm wondering now if it wasn't one of those sneaky things aimed at me.  You know, where the other person deliberately does a lousy job, so that the first person says "dingdangity it, give me that -- I'll just do it myself!")

When he retired, I let him do his own laundry.  I don't care how he stacks his own stuff.  :P

It
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Katana_Geldar on April 21, 2014, 05:04:44 PM
I still remember a big argument I had with my Mum and stepfather about how properly to carry an ironing board from one room to another. My method is to flatten it, carry it to where it's needed and then reassemble it as it's easier to take around corners and through doorways without banging into anything. Even when I explained why I did it this way, it wasn't THEIR WAY so therefore it wasn't the right way even though both methods ended up getting the same result.

They also failed to see the sheer absurdity and pointlessness of arguing for the better part of an hour about the "right" way to carry an ironing board.   >:(
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on April 21, 2014, 05:07:07 PM

(I'm wondering now if it wasn't one of those sneaky things aimed at me.  You know, where the other person deliberately does a lousy job, so that the first person says "dingdangity it, give me that -- I'll just do it myself!")

That's the *classic* example for "passive aggressive" behavior.
Which I think is an appropriate thing to allude to on a thread called "stop helping me."

I still remember a big argument I had with my Mum and stepfather about how properly to carry an ironing board from one room to another. My method is to flatten it, carry it to where it's needed and then reassemble it as it's easier to take around corners and through doorways without banging into anything. Even when I explained why I did it this way, it wasn't THEIR WAY so therefore it wasn't the right way even though both methods ended up getting the same result.

They also failed to see the sheer absurdity and pointlessness of arguing for the better part of an hour about the "right" way to carry an ironing board.   >:(

Then again, *you* were arguing for that same "better part of an hour," weren't you?   ;)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Katana_Geldar on April 21, 2014, 05:10:19 PM
Not really. I was trying to end the argument and get away, but I recall the blocked my path so I was unable to do so. It wasn't fun as they were rather unpleasant about the whole thing.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Dindrane on April 21, 2014, 09:57:35 PM
I always find it funny that advice for helping new mothers/people recovering for surgery/elderly relations often includes, 'Put a load of washing in, or fold a basket of laundry.' I always (internally) scream at the computer, 'But how would I know how small to fold the tea towels?!'

I think aside from people caring differently about the specifics of their laundry and folding, there are also times in everyone's life where the fact that they don't have to be the one to do it cancels out things like folding the tea towels to the wrong size. :) Everyone has different thresholds for that, of course, but I think most people reach a point eventually where they just don't have the mental energy to worry about how the laundry is folded...they're just happy somebody washed it for them.

I am very particular about how my laundry is folded (and how my shirts and pants that get hung up to dry are hung up when they are pulled out of the washing machine). My husband...isn't. And stinks at being neat. I actually can't watch him fold his clothes, because it makes me crazy how messy he is about it. It's gotten to the point where I am the official packer of suitcases (unless we're not sharing, though that's rather rare), because I can't stand putting my neatly folded clothes in a suitcase with his half-hearted folding. There are practical reasons for that, of course, but it's mostly because it would seriously bother me the entire time we were traveling if I didn't just do it myself before we left.

But even with all of that, I sometimes have to let my husband do my laundry for me. I've given him detailed instructions about how to hang up my shirts in particular, and he either doesn't remember or doesn't really understand what I'm talking about (although to be fair to him, I have changed my mind about things like which buttons get buttoned and what to do with the collar, so some of his confusion really is on me). It's a fact of life that if he hangs up my clothes, they won't sit on the hanger just so, and they'll sometimes dry a little funny as a result. Sometimes, though, I just don't have the energy to care, because I need clean clothes and don't have the time (or energy) to wash them myself.

At least I've finally gotten him to just leave all my laundry tossed in a basket, instead of trying to pair my socks or fold towels or anything like that. I just ended up unfolding them, and getting unreasonably annoyed that he did it "wrong". It's really much better for our marriage if he just doesn't bother. :)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: MommyPenguin on April 21, 2014, 11:04:05 PM
Other than towels, I don't really care how they're folded, but when we were first married, it drove me NUTS the way DH would stack laundry. He'd fold a towel and put it on the table.  Then he'd fold a t-shirt, and put that on top of the towel.  Then he'd fold a tea-towel and put that on the stack, followed by one of my shirts, a pair of his undershorts, another of his t-shirts, a couple of pairs of socks, a dishcloth....  I think you get the idea.  So that to put it all away, you had to unstack it, and that would unfold one or more items, so they had to be refolded.

I am totally with you here!  I tell the kids that I don't really care how stuff is folded (it all gets tossed about in their drawers anyway), the main thing I care about is that it goes into the right pile so it gets put in the right person's drawers.  My parents-in-law fold clothes at their house right out of the dryer, and they just fold each item and stack it into the laundry basket, so that everything is all mixed up.  Maybe this works when you just have two people (although I definitely still sorted stuff when there were only two of us!) but with six people, you'd *constantly* have to be checking sizes of everything to figure out whose it is.  I used to remember whose clothes were whose, but now that everything's been passed down many times, I can no longer remember whether I remember Jenny wearing something because she's actually worn it recently, or whether I associate it with Jenny because she wore it 4 years ago and I have a picture taken with her in it.  I'm hopeless without looking at tags, and that's really tedious to have to do twice!  Not to mention that laundry goes in all sorts of different places around the house, so if it's all mixed together you have to carry the basket around from place to place to get it all put away.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Adelaide on April 21, 2014, 11:54:28 PM
I know I've griped about this before, but I take a martial arts class that I've been doing for a few years now, and I went to a different place in undergrad. The dojo here has only recently started up with this particular martial art and a lot of other people do karate as well. I've had several men talk to me in rather condescending tones about how people "make weird noises when you hit them" or "You can't be afraid to hurt someone" and other such sentiments. Even after saying "Yes, thank you" or "I know" or "I've done this for a few years, don't worry about it" they still kept trying to talk to me in That Tone. One guy even went as far as to tap my shoulder and knee with his pointer fingers to "point out" spots I should be aiming for. Don't help me; I fight better than you.

On a smaller note, my mother insists that I soak a pan before cleaning any egg residue out of it. Well, I prefer to slough it off in sheets while the pan is still hot so it doesn't get so gross, but EVERY time I cook eggs she reminds me to do it her way.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: twiggy on April 22, 2014, 12:26:36 AM
Last night I was filling the gas tank on my van, and DH decided to be sweet and helpful. So he grabbed the window washer squeegee and went to town on my windows. Unfortunately he never bothered rinsing or even just rewetting the squeegee, so the entire passenger side is basically just streaked mud. And he didn't do a very thorough wiping job, so there are a ton of streaks on the front windshield. I'm trying not to think about it, and not to let it bother me, but it is seriously driving me crazy. At least before he "washed" the windows there was just a light coat of dust. Now it's a mess. But I can't fix it when he's with me because it will hurt his feelings. He really was trying to be helpful. And I can't fix it when the kids are with me because they'll rat me out.  :P

He also tried to "top off" the van after I'd filled it. My van has a quirk where if the tank is too full, it won't go. So it's been driving rough all day with dirty windows as a result of DH's "help."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: StarDrifter on April 22, 2014, 07:13:29 AM
Urgh, Twiggy, my brother did that and I almost whacked him in the head with the squeegie.

The worst part is - he's a good 8" taller than me, so he could reach parts of my windscreen that I usually missed (and never see anyway - the bits behind the rearview mirror). However. HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER - our Dad owned and ran a service station until we were teenagers and we've been cleaning windscreens since we could reach.

I just - I still can't really understand why he didn't re-dip the squeegie and left those horrible mud streaks all over my windscreen, as well as a series of scratches (that only catche the light *sometimes* and are REALLY ANNOYING) from where a small stone must have been lodged in the sponge and he dragged it across the glass at least three times.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on April 22, 2014, 07:32:37 AM
our Dad owned and ran a service station until we were teenagers and we've been cleaning windscreens since we could reach.

I just - I still can't really understand why he didn't re-dip the squeegie and left those horrible mud streaks all over my windscreen, as well as a series of scratches (that only catche the light *sometimes* and are REALLY ANNOYING) from where a small stone must have been lodged in the sponge and he dragged it across the glass at least three times.

You clean windows for customers? Wow! We (most of the US) haven't had that done for years. I guess Washington state and New Jersey might.

I was taught to keep a paper towel in one hand and wipe the squeegie after every swipe. We can't redip it because that's just putting more dirty water on the windshield and defeating the purpose of the squeegie. (A professional cleaner taught me this, but I bet even they all have different methods.)

Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: StarDrifter on April 22, 2014, 07:53:21 AM
our Dad owned and ran a service station until we were teenagers and we've been cleaning windscreens since we could reach.

I just - I still can't really understand why he didn't re-dip the squeegie and left those horrible mud streaks all over my windscreen, as well as a series of scratches (that only catche the light *sometimes* and are REALLY ANNOYING) from where a small stone must have been lodged in the sponge and he dragged it across the glass at least three times.

You clean windows for customers? Wow! We (most of the US) haven't had that done for years. I guess Washington state and New Jersey might.

I was taught to keep a paper towel in one hand and wipe the squeegie after every swipe. We can't redip it because that's just putting more dirty water on the windshield and defeating the purpose of the squeegie. (A professional cleaner taught me this, but I bet even they all have different methods.)

Oh we DID, back when we were active on the forecourt... fifteen years ago.

The site where Dad's service station WAS is now a liquor store!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: siamesecat2965 on April 22, 2014, 08:59:28 AM
our Dad owned and ran a service station until we were teenagers and we've been cleaning windscreens since we could reach.

I just - I still can't really understand why he didn't re-dip the squeegie and left those horrible mud streaks all over my windscreen, as well as a series of scratches (that only catche the light *sometimes* and are REALLY ANNOYING) from where a small stone must have been lodged in the sponge and he dragged it across the glass at least three times.

You clean windows for customers? Wow! We (most of the US) haven't had that done for years. I guess Washington state and New Jersey might.

I was taught to keep a paper towel in one hand and wipe the squeegie after every swipe. We can't redip it because that's just putting more dirty water on the windshield and defeating the purpose of the squeegie. (A professional cleaner taught me this, but I bet even they all have different methods.)

NJ doesn't. Not any more at least at any stations I go to. They used to check your oil, if asked, clean your windows, but now its just in, pump the gas, and let them go.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Shalamar on April 22, 2014, 09:23:11 AM
Some twenty-odd years ago, my province (Manitoba) made seatbelt use mandatory.    After that had been the law for close to a year, I went to visit my parents in British Columbia.   Every time we got into their car to drive somewhere, Mum chirped brightly "Remember to buckle up!  It's the law here!"  After explaining five times that it was the law where I came from, too, and she didn't have to keep reminding me, I gave up.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on April 22, 2014, 09:27:11 AM
Not to mention, it's just plain smart.

My MIL likes to warn me that the knives at her house are sharp.

She finally stopped after about the 8th time I said, "They're supposed to be sharp, aren't they? And anyway, yours aren't nearly as sharp as mine, actually."
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: ladyknight1 on April 22, 2014, 09:37:23 AM
I love my dad. I love that he is so proud of me for being able to make a living in an artistic field that is nearly impossible to break into. But sometimes, he doesn't grasp that my female-oriented, creativity-based field is not the same as the male-dominated, "work until you drop dead of a heart attack or your liver explodes" corporate culture he survived. I get a lot of lectures about proper behavior and professional appearances, but there are some things my job allows - nay things that are EXPECTED - of someone in my position, that would get my Dad fired from SuperScary Corp.

I love him. But I will not wear a power suit with shoulder pads to convention where everybody else is wearing corsets and steampunk goggles.

Only on Halloween!

I work in higher ed and am in an office with very high level individuals. There is one man who wears a suit Monday through Thursday and one woman who does as well. My mom keeps trying to get me to wear suits, but that is just not what our professional culture is. Especially not in the summer.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: darling on April 22, 2014, 10:09:02 AM
Ugh. Toots, my mom says the same thing about the knives...

I am moving later this summer. I am going from an apartment to a town home, and so I need a few appliances that I haven't needed before. The subject came up this weekend at Easter dinner, and I mentioned that I am saving for a washer and dryer, and a small chest freezer. I also mentioned that I had looked at a washer and dryer at a specific store, and was planning on getting XX specific brand top loader for the washer.

Right away, I got a flurry of:

"Oh, don't get a front-loading one!" - Um, I already said top-loading...

"Oh, you need to go to this other store to get them." Just... no. While that chain in your town might be good, the one in our town 2 hours away is not. Why would I buy a major appliance from a store branch that is terrible in my town, just because it's good in yours?

"You can't believe everything people say about that store..." Yes... yes I can. If the majority of the reviews are awful, then something is going on.

"You need to buy the freezer at this grocery-store-that-doesn't-deliver! You can get coupons!!!!" I don't have a truck. How am I going to get the thing home? And it's highly doubtful that there would be coupons for things that I'd want (we don't eat a lot of frozen foods other than frozen veggies and the occasional pizza). Now, if it were a $100 gift card instead of random coupons, then I would figure it out how to get it home, because that would be a good deal.

"Well, I suppose you are 40, so you can deal with this yourself..." (said snippily when I politely tried to reply and get a word in edgewise)

On the subject of the actual moving process (this took place the day I told them I was moving):

"Well, I don't know that we can help you move that day. It's a weekday." I didn't ask for help! I don't even know what day I will be moving. I just told you that I was moving in 5 months, that it would probably be x day but did not ask for help.

30 seconds later - "Okay, your Dad said we can close up shop that day and come and help." I didn't ask for help!!!!

"Are you sure you can't ask to wait until the weekend to move???" No, I can't. I told you that I *think* it might be x day, but I don't know for sure, and won't until probably June. All I know is that because I am a transfer, not a new renter, I move when they tell me to move, because it's all coordinated very carefully so that I won't be homeless for a night.

"Did you reserve a truck yet?" No, I don't know what specific day and time I need it!!!! You can't make a reservation without those pesky little details...

"You should buy a new bed while you're at it." Seriously??? Where did that come from?

I give up...
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Luci on April 22, 2014, 10:24:12 AM
My in-laws insisted on giving free advice. (My parents weren't like that.)  It just took a couple of years of a non committal "u-huh" and completely ignoring them about the subject and going our own way for them to keep quiet. Life was much better after that.

We just acknowledged that something was said so weren't completely rude but never explained our reasoning. That could have gotten fierce and resented. As it is, I don't really remember any certain incident.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: lilfox on April 22, 2014, 02:18:28 PM
My in-laws insisted on giving free advice. (My parents weren't like that.)  It just took a couple of years of a non committal "u-huh" and completely ignoring them about the subject and going our own way for them to keep quiet. Life was much better after that.

We just acknowledged that something was said so weren't completely rude but never explained our reasoning. That could have gotten fierce and resented. As it is, I don't really remember any certain incident.

I'm so hoping this works for me too, eventually.  It feels like my choices are to either get really upset about the criticisms embedded in the advice, or just say "Mm-hmm" and do things my way anyway.  Hard to keep Zen about it sometimes, but boy does it feel less stressful to disengage and tell myself I'm doing my own thing regardless.

I had an upcoming cross-country move from State A to State B, and my mom decided to help by driving with me.  Except, she approached it like I should have immediately asked for her help and when I didn't, got very PA about how I couldn't do it alone but she wouldn't go with me unless I asked.  And paid for her to fly out (from State C) to join me.  And thanked her for being willing to help me.  It turned out to be a fine road trip, but man, it would have been a much clearer, more pleasant version of helping if she'd just said up front, "That sounds like a long trip, I'd be happy to go with you, would you like company?"
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: VorFemme on April 22, 2014, 04:54:11 PM
We have lived in ten different places during our not-quite-35-year marriage (moving in the military will do that). 

Depending on the size of the closet(s) in the house and the space available for dressers - how various clothing and other items were handled varied.

Dress shirts have always been hung up after I wash & dry them.  Out of season clothes may be stored in the same closet, if there is space or folded away elsewhere if there is no space to spare.  If there is enough closet rod space, so are most other shirts except for underwear - which is going in a drawer.  People arguing with me about how I fold their underwear will find it on the foot of their bed (menopause means you no longer have the patience to deal with some trivial matters - now I let the person who thinks it makes a difference make the effort, in most cases).

Towels & linens?  When we got married we owned one set of each - it was either on the bed or being washed & dried, same with the towels.  As we moved to a house with a linen closet & accumulated more stuff, folding changed to make it easier to fit things in THAT shelf while still being able to see what was in the shelf.

I still prefer ONE central linen closet to a linen closet on a different story from half the bathrooms...but that's ME.  I made space in the cabinet over the toilet for a spare set of towels...and that's where the spare toiletries & other supplies for that bathroom go as well.

Your mileage may vary - as your storage facilities almost certain are different!

I do have to be careful when helping DD with her stuff - as she has things folded & stored differently due to her house having a lot smaller cabinets in the kitchen & bathrooms, and a smaller linen closet, too.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: GratefulMaria on April 22, 2014, 06:44:50 PM
Some of these posts are reminding me of things I've apparently tried very hard to forget.

When we built our house ten years ago, there was a gap between the closing on our old place and when the new one would be ready for occupancy.  I'd wanted to just take a short-term rental and deal with it, but my parents (my father especially) wanted us to stay with them.  Two months.  Single-story ranch, two senior citizens, two adults, two kids 11 and 14.  DH was worried about the money and went along with it.  I had spelled everything out to my parents ("are you sure?"), and even though construction was on schedule they kept asking when it would be done.  Really wish I'd had my spine back then; it was a terrible time.

I learned a lot about my boundaries and what I valued in those weeks.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: jane7166 on April 23, 2014, 08:39:16 AM
A friend just came back to the gym after a 2 week absence - her son had gotten married and she had been busy with all of that. In the locker room, I kidded her about being a brand new MIL and asked her how she was doing at that new role. 

Another friend overheard and gave this helpful advice:  keep your mouth shut. 

That exchange seems appropriate for this thread somehow. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: hermanne on April 23, 2014, 11:08:58 AM
Mild but annoying...

If DH sees dishes on the counter, he'll put them in the sink. This includes my tea mug that I purposely leave out so I can fix myself more tea. DH is admittedly on autopilot when he does this, so I try to leave my mug in a place he won't easily notice. When I forget and leave it by the sink, I'm later fishing it out of the sink.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Yvaine on April 23, 2014, 11:09:44 AM
Mild but annoying...

If DH sees dishes on the counter, he'll put them in the sink. This includes my tea mug that I purposely leave out so I can fix myself more tea. DH is admittedly on autopilot when he does this, so I try to leave my mug in a place he won't easily notice. When I forget and leave it by the sink, I'm later fishing it out of the sink.

Oh yes! I came up with the term "active mug" for that.  ;D "Nononono, don't take that one, that's my active mug!"
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TootsNYC on April 23, 2014, 11:26:57 AM
Mild but annoying...

If DH sees dishes on the counter, he'll put them in the sink. This includes my tea mug that I purposely leave out so I can fix myself more tea. DH is admittedly on autopilot when he does this, so I try to leave my mug in a place he won't easily notice. When I forget and leave it by the sink, I'm later fishing it out of the sink.

Maybe you need one of these:
http://www.beeinourbonnet.com/2011/12/coaster-tray.html
http://momcrieff.com/avoiding-kitchen-counter-cup-clutter/

Or some other specialty coaster that says "this is my mug I'm using today, leave it alone"?

My DH will throw out your half-drunk soda, or the last 2 inches of your drink from dinner. Even if you *tell* him, "I'm still drinking this," if he sees it, he'll dump it.

My DD and I tried everything on the spectrum, from explaining, pre-emptively announcing, getting mad afterward.

I even pointed out to him, that HE does this w/ his own glass on the kitchen counter. And will toss mine, even if it's sitting right next to his. I told him I didn't want to start throwing his glass of water out and putting it in the dishwasher.

(I'd get one of those coaster-type solutions, but I really don't think it would work--he'd throw out your drink and put the coaster away.)

He doesn't do it as much
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: HGolightly on April 23, 2014, 11:36:22 AM
Thank you Yvaine! I will be adopting that one.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: TheWeirdOne on May 19, 2014, 10:08:48 PM
TheNormalGuy and I are moving in together after living with our respective parents. Normal Guy's mother insists on bringing over all his stuff straight away (before we even had furniture) and stashing it in the garage after he specifically told her not to (he was going to get them himself in a few days once we had bookcases). So now all his books are jammed into overstuffed bags, including ones he borrowed from friends and special first editions. Also, those clothes we asked you not to bring round? Well, as the place you left them has a bug infestation*, we now have to rewash all these bags of clean clothes before we can bring them into the house.

Apparently my mother wanted to get into the action and dragged all those books 'out of the way' into an awkward place because she 'had nothing to do', and has 'moved heaps of times, so I know better than you', despite me telling her not to move them. This happened on the same day that the bookcases arrived. Guess who got to retrieve all those books while injured?

*Bugs have since been taken care of, but we still had to rewash everything just in case.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: zyrs on May 19, 2014, 10:28:36 PM
TheNormalGuy and I are moving in together after living with our respective parents. Normal Guy's mother insists on bringing over all his stuff straight away (before we even had furniture) and stashing it in the garage after he specifically told her not to (he was going to get them himself in a few days once we had bookcases). So now all his books are jammed into overstuffed bags, including ones he borrowed from friends and special first editions. Also, those clothes we asked you not to bring round? Well, as the place you left them has a bug infestation*, we now have to rewash all these bags of clean clothes before we can bring them into the house.

Apparently my mother wanted to get into the action and dragged all those books 'out of the way' into an awkward place because she 'had nothing to do', and has 'moved heaps of times, so I know better than you', despite me telling her not to move them. This happened on the same day that the bookcases arrived. Guess who got to retrieve all those books while injured?

*Bugs have since been taken care of, but we still had to rewash everything just in case.

((TheWeirdOne/TheNormalGuy)))
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: PastryGoddess on May 19, 2014, 11:05:29 PM
You know TheWeirdOne, I'm pretty sure that if for some reason you appeared in front of a jury of your peers. Not one of them would convict you :)

Also, I hear they make high strength LVL clue-by-fours.  You can get them at your local lumber yard. ;)
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Marisol on May 20, 2014, 09:11:35 AM
My mom does the same thing with my water glass. When I visit my parents I am staying with them, so I understand it's her house and her rules, but she has a habit of cleaning up anything and everything that is out even if we are using or working on it.  So I will get a glass of water, set it down, walk out of the room, and when I come back moments later it is in the dishwasher.  I have to announce my glass is in use everytime I do anything away from its exact location.

Dad gets more frustrated as she likes to put away his works in progress while glue is setting or paint drying (model cars).  She doesn't move the model, but will put away everything else he was going to use after the glue/paint dries.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: BabyMama on May 20, 2014, 11:06:13 AM
My mom thinks she is "helping" by keeping my DD amused when we go out to eat. But she doesn't do this by helping her color, or engaging her in conversation--her solution is to either a) take DD on random walks around the restaurant (the waitstaff LOVES that  ::) ) or giving her her phone or iPad to play on.

DD is almost 7. I feel at that age she should be expected to be able to at least sit through dinner without playing Angry Birds! I sure was :P
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Shalamar on May 20, 2014, 11:50:57 AM
That reminds me of one Christmas morning when my then two-year-old daughter was getting very antsy about opening the gifts under the tree.   We were waiting for my husband's siblings to arrive (which is a story in itself), and they were taking their sweet time.  My MIL said "Tell you what - Daughter can open this gift from us, and it'll keep her occupied."  Great idea - except that the gift was a child-size rocking chair.  Nice present, definitely, but not exactly the kind of thing that'll interest a two-year-old for more than five seconds.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: doodlemor on May 20, 2014, 03:24:13 PM
TheNormalGuy and I are moving in together after living with our respective parents. Normal Guy's mother insists on bringing over all his stuff straight away (before we even had furniture) and stashing it in the garage after he specifically told her not to (he was going to get them himself in a few days once we had bookcases). So now all his books are jammed into overstuffed bags, including ones he borrowed from friends and special first editions. Also, those clothes we asked you not to bring round? Well, as the place you left them has a bug infestation*, we now have to rewash all these bags of clean clothes before we can bring them into the house.

Apparently my mother wanted to get into the action and dragged all those books 'out of the way' into an awkward place because she 'had nothing to do', and has 'moved heaps of times, so I know better than you', despite me telling her not to move them. This happened on the same day that the bookcases arrived. Guess who got to retrieve all those books while injured?

*Bugs have since been taken care of, but we still had to rewash everything just in case.

Sounds like time to either change or purchase locks. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: ladyknight1 on May 20, 2014, 03:33:50 PM
Stylists that want to thread my already invisible eyebrows.

DH, who helps me by sitting at the computer when I need to use it then sighs loudly when I ask him to move for a few minutes.

Neither DH or DS will pack for an event more than 24 hours in advance. Maybe their clothes expire if in a bag?  :-\
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: wolfie on May 20, 2014, 03:36:18 PM
Stylists that want to thread my already invisible eyebrows.

DH, who helps me by sitting at the computer when I need to use it then sighs loudly when I ask him to move for a few minutes.

Neither DH or DS will pack for an event more than 24 hours in advance. Maybe their clothes expire if in a bag?  :-\

okay I don't get why the last one is a problem. I don't pack that far in advance either. The day before is the perfect time to pack for someplace.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: ladyknight1 on May 20, 2014, 03:39:39 PM
Oh, it is usually an hour before. Even if they had plenty of time to do so. It used to make us late, but I just leave without the person who is still packing when it is time to go.  >:D They get a 30 minute, 15 minute and 5 minute warning.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: FauxFoodist on May 20, 2014, 04:00:42 PM
Oh, it is usually an hour before. Even if they had plenty of time to do so. It used to make us late, but I just leave without the person who is still packing when it is time to go.  >:D They get a 30 minute, 15 minute and 5 minute warning.

Okay, now I'm curious what has happened when you've done that.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: ladyknight1 on May 20, 2014, 05:14:59 PM
I get phone calls, then DH drives himself. DS has only not been ready when I was leaving once.  >:D
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: AmethystAnne on May 20, 2014, 07:40:43 PM
Ya know how it is when you(general) have a plan, you're working the plan, things are just moving right along very smoothly.......kind of like sitting in a canoe and paddling down a slow moving, pretty river. Then some interloper rushes in 'to help' by trying to affix an outboard motor to the back of the canoe.  ???  >:(

OldestDD and her DH have 2 school-age children. DSIL's mother and I keep the grandkids every other week. Deb and I have been doing this for 3(?) years. We enjoy the week with the kids and the next week of no-kids. It's has worked out well for everyone!

DSIL came home on Sunday, and telling DSIL that his Dad said that Deb was not going to be keeping the kids anymore.

DD was very upset, she left a message on her in-laws answering machine giving her point of view, she called me to tell me about it.

When Deb listened to the messages, she got upset, and called DD saying she never said anything about not keeping the kids.

My take on it is that DD's in-laws are a devoted couple. Deb had a health problem that we are all aware of and watch to make sure she is okay. Deb's DH was concerned for her health and misunderstood our schedule-he thought she had the kids all day/everyday.

Anyway, DD talked with everyone and we're all good and are on the same page.

I called DD this morning and told her I guess her father-in-law was trying to put a motor on our canoe!


Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: ladyknight1 on May 20, 2014, 07:57:54 PM
Just like the whisper game.

My DH downloaded a software update (he always does) as soon as it came available and now that software doesn't work!
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: GreenHall on May 21, 2014, 07:52:08 AM
Off Topic - does anyone else get a mental image of an adult flailing like a toddler going 'Stop Helping Me!' everytime they see this topic? 

Just me?
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Lynn2000 on May 21, 2014, 09:37:27 AM
Ya know how it is when you(general) have a plan, you're working the plan, things are just moving right along very smoothly.......kind of like sitting in a canoe and paddling down a slow moving, pretty river. Then some interloper rushes in 'to help' by trying to affix an outboard motor to the back of the canoe.  ???  >:(

OldestDD and her DH have 2 school-age children. DSIL's mother and I keep the grandkids every other week. Deb and I have been doing this for 3(?) years. We enjoy the week with the kids and the next week of no-kids. It's has worked out well for everyone!

DSIL came home on Sunday, and telling DSIL that his Dad said that Deb was not going to be keeping the kids anymore.

DD was very upset, she left a message on her in-laws answering machine giving her point of view, she called me to tell me about it.

When Deb listened to the messages, she got upset, and called DD saying she never said anything about not keeping the kids.

My take on it is that DD's in-laws are a devoted couple. Deb had a health problem that we are all aware of and watch to make sure she is okay. Deb's DH was concerned for her health and misunderstood our schedule-he thought she had the kids all day/everyday.

Anyway, DD talked with everyone and we're all good and are on the same page.

I called DD this morning and told her I guess her father-in-law was trying to put a motor on our canoe!

What a mess! I can't believe the man didn't talk to his own wife first, to ascertain what the actual babysitting schedule was and to make sure she was okay with stopping it. Wait, actually, I can believe that, because my dad does the same thing... Mainly on a smaller scale, but you'd never realize my parents lived in the same house sometimes due to the lack of communication.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Elfmama on May 21, 2014, 09:19:12 PM
Ya know how it is when you(general) have a plan, you're working the plan, things are just moving right along very smoothly.......kind of like sitting in a canoe and paddling down a slow moving, pretty river. Then some interloper rushes in 'to help' by trying to affix an outboard motor to the back of the canoe.  ??? >:(

OldestDD and her DH have 2 school-age children. DSIL's mother and I keep the grandkids every other week. Deb and I have been doing this for 3(?) years. We enjoy the week with the kids and the next week of no-kids. It's has worked out well for everyone!

DSIL came home on Sunday, and telling DSIL that his Dad said that Deb was not going to be keeping the kids anymore.

DD was very upset, she left a message on her in-laws answering machine giving her point of view, she called me to tell me about it.

When Deb listened to the messages, she got upset, and called DD saying she never said anything about not keeping the kids.

My take on it is that DD's in-laws are a devoted couple. Deb had a health problem that we are all aware of and watch to make sure she is okay. Deb's DH was concerned for her health and misunderstood our schedule-he thought she had the kids all day/everyday.

Anyway, DD talked with everyone and we're all good and are on the same page.

I called DD this morning and told her I guess her father-in-law was trying to put a motor on our canoe!

What a mess! I can't believe the man didn't talk to his own wife first, to ascertain what the actual babysitting schedule was and to make sure she was okay with stopping it. Wait, actually, I can believe that, because my dad does the same thing... Mainly on a smaller scale, but you'd never realize my parents lived in the same house sometimes due to the lack of communication.
It's entirely possible that the wife DID tell him, and he didn't listen or retain the information.

I have an offset screwdriver in the tool kit of my sewing machine.  It's the only way to get certain screws off to clean the machine.  Every time DH sees it, he starts complaining that I stole his offset screwdriver and why do I never put his tools back where they belong yap yap yap.  I tell him that it's not his screwdriver, that his is in his toolchest and this is MY screwdriver.  Every.  Blinkin'. Time.   >:(   I swear, I need to spraypaint the dingdangity thing pink or something. 
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Free Range Hippy Chick on May 22, 2014, 02:52:24 AM
Off Topic - does anyone else get a mental image of an adult flailing like a toddler going 'Stop Helping Me!' everytime they see this topic? 

Just me?

I go the other way: when my boys were small, there were few phrases that terrified me as much as 'I helping!' I just knew that whatever it was would take twice as long as normal and involve heavy cleaning afterwards.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: Ms_Cellany on May 22, 2014, 12:09:08 PM

I have an offset screwdriver in the tool kit of my sewing machine.  It's the only way to get certain screws off to clean the machine.  Every time DH sees it, he starts complaining that I stole his offset screwdriver and why do I never put his tools back where they belong yap yap yap.  I tell him that it's not his screwdriver, that his is in his toolchest and this is MY screwdriver.  Every.  Blinkin'. Time.   >:(   I swear, I need to spraypaint the dingdangity thing pink or something. 

A few bands of pink nail polish should do it.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: alkira6 on May 22, 2014, 01:13:44 PM

I have an offset screwdriver in the tool kit of my sewing machine.  It's the only way to get certain screws off to clean the machine.  Every time DH sees it, he starts complaining that I stole his offset screwdriver and why do I never put his tools back where they belong yap yap yap.  I tell him that it's not his screwdriver, that his is in his toolchest and this is MY screwdriver.  Every.  Blinkin'. Time.   >:(   I swear, I need to spraypaint the dingdangity thing pink or something. 

A few bands of pink nail polish should do it.

Yup, my hex keys are sparkly purple in the middle.
Title: Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
Post by: ladyknight1 on May 22, 2014, 02:28:43 PM
I went to lunch. After parking at the restaurant, I noticed a distraught lady that was being consoled by a man. Two other ladies came out of the restaurant and both were staring at the crying lady and one walked up to her!

My mental voice was yelling, walk away, leave her alone.

The hostess told me later that the lady in question had just gotten a call that her father had died.  :'(