Etiquette Hell

Wedding Bliss and Blues => Paper Trail => Topic started by: GlitterIsMyDrug on March 13, 2014, 04:06:26 PM

Title: Invitation Wording
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on March 13, 2014, 04:06:26 PM
I'm betting you all might have some ideas here, because we're scratching our heads and coming up blank.  So far our wedding invitation reads:

Glitter and Partner
Along with their families


And that's it. So far we've thought of:
Wish to invite you
Are pleased to invite you
Wound enjoy your attendance at


To segue into the next bit of we're getting hitched at this time at this place on this date. It's not super formal wedding, we're open to something more fun/funky. In fact we'd welcome it! But we're drawing blanks. The main points we want are our names (obviously) and families. We aren't in love with the idea of listing out our moms' names because we want to give a nod to our entire families (including our very close friends) who have been helping with the wedding.

So, e-hellions, any ideas?
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: TootsNYC on March 13, 2014, 05:16:02 PM
request the pleasure of your company at...

is the classic ("honor of your presence" is usu. reserved for religious ceremonies, but that's probably negotiable)

Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: Oh Joy on March 13, 2014, 08:12:39 PM
Hmmm...I suppose part of it depends what you're calling this event.  She surprised you with a legal wedding a few weeks ago when you were visiting your uncle...or am I mixing you up with another poster?
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: EllenS on March 13, 2014, 08:58:17 PM
I'd go classic on the wording "request the pleasure of your company" and funky on the design/color/typeface. It's easy to lose clear communication if you try to be too cute.  Everybody knows the form and what it means.

Also, by mixing classic with new, you get a kind of high/low aesthetic that is fun to play off of and adds resonance.
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: daen on March 13, 2014, 09:00:21 PM
I'm betting you all might have some ideas here, because we're scratching our heads and coming up blank.  So far our wedding invitation reads:

Glitter and Partner
Along with their families


And that's it. So far we've thought of:
Wish to invite you
Are pleased to invite you
Wound enjoy your attendance at


To segue into the next bit of we're getting hitched at this time at this place on this date. It's not super formal wedding, we're open to something more fun/funky. In fact we'd welcome it! But we're drawing blanks. The main points we want are our names (obviously) and families. We aren't in love with the idea of listing out our moms' names because we want to give a nod to our entire families (including our very close friends) who have been helping with the wedding.

So, e-hellions, any ideas?

...invite you to celebrate...
...are delighted to invite you...


Not very inspired. I'll think about it a bit.
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: TootsNYC on March 13, 2014, 10:40:50 PM
I really don't like "are delighted to invite you" or even "are pleased to invite you"

You'll be pleased when they attend; being pleased that you are inviting them just hits me wrong, it feels sort of self-satisfied, "I'm so happy I invited you" vs. "I'm so happy you are here at the actual event."
  I think that's why "pleasure of your company" is the term--the pleasure doesn't being until you are IN their company.

but that may be a very individual reaction.

I vote for plain-Jane wording and funky fonts.

"invite you to witness their vows" "invite you to attend their wedding"

But I like "pleasure of you company" bcs it really says, "we very much want you there, we'll be happy if you come" instead of "you can come if you want" (which is what "invite" can mean, sometimes).
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: greencat on March 14, 2014, 12:35:54 AM
I'm betting you all might have some ideas here, because we're scratching our heads and coming up blank.  So far our wedding invitation reads:

Glitter and Partner
Along with their families


And that's it. So far we've thought of:
Wish to invite you
Are pleased to invite you
Wound enjoy your attendance at


To segue into the next bit of we're getting hitched at this time at this place on this date. It's not super formal wedding, we're open to something more fun/funky. In fact we'd welcome it! But we're drawing blanks. The main points we want are our names (obviously) and families. We aren't in love with the idea of listing out our moms' names because we want to give a nod to our entire families (including our very close friends) who have been helping with the wedding.

So, e-hellions, any ideas?

If your families are not "hosting" i.e., paying for, the celebration, it should only say "Glitter and Partner"

Then for the rest of it:
"Invite you to celebrate our marriage with us at" - if you're just doing a reception without a ceremony
"Invite you to attend our affirmation of vows and wedding reception" - if you're also repeating the vows, as I know you got married where it was legal, but I'm guessing this is back in your home state?
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: Maude on March 14, 2014, 06:51:50 AM
Friend A!
COME CELEBRATE
the union of
Glitter and Partner!

There will be a (party, shindig, knees-up, ) with family and friends
at(place)
on(date)
from(time) until late.
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: lowspark on March 14, 2014, 09:30:47 AM
I just googled "wedding invitation wording" images to get some ideas. I really liked this one which sort of covers the fact that you were legally married already but are doing the celebration now.

(http://getweddingconcepts.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/unique-wedding-invitation-wording-couple-hosting-bqf868mm.jpg)
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on March 14, 2014, 09:56:25 AM
request the pleasure of your company at...

is the classic ("honor of your presence" is usu. reserved for religious ceremonies, but that's probably negotiable)

Oh, I do like request the pleasure of your company. Honor of your presence seems a little too...formal or something.
I'd go classic on the wording "request the pleasure of your company" and funky on the design/color/typeface. It's easy to lose clear communication if you try to be too cute.  Everybody knows the form and what it means.

Excellent point, I don't want to cause mass confusion of "What's happening? What are they doing now?", resulting in lots of phone calls.

Hmmm...I suppose part of it depends what you're calling this event.  She surprised you with a legal wedding a few weeks ago when you were visiting your uncle...or am I mixing you up with another poster?

That is us, but we are still calling this our wedding. I know it's complicated and non-traditional. But that was our "we have to do this for it be legal" wedding, this is our "real" wedding. Since we couldn't have both in the same place legally. We just a bit extra with the legal one because my great uncle was there.

Friend A!
COME CELEBRATE
the union of
Glitter and Partner!

There will be a (party, shindig, knees-up, ) with family and friends
at(place)
on(date)
from(time) until late.

Oh that's fun! I like that!

If your families are not "hosting" i.e., paying for, the celebration, it should only say "Glitter and Partner"

Then for the rest of it:
"Invite you to celebrate our marriage with us at" - if you're just doing a reception without a ceremony
"Invite you to attend our affirmation of vows and wedding reception" - if you're also repeating the vows, as I know you got married where it was legal, but I'm guessing this is back in your home state?

Our families are helping us with the wedding, we are footing the majority of the bill, but it's still important to us that we acknowledge them on the invitation as they have been (and are continuing to be) a huge help.

We will be having a whole ceremony, but not with the same vows. We used the traditional "do you take this woman" vows the first time (think we printed them off the internet) this time will be vows we write ourselves. So not really a repeating...rephrasing maybe? This is in our home state, yes.
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: Dindrane on March 14, 2014, 10:12:19 AM
One thing that I think is important with invitations is to be very clear about what they are for, and what they aren't for.

They are for telling people what they are being invited to, who is hosting, when it takes place, where it takes place, and who specifically is invited.

They are not for telling people who is footing the bill, your feelings about the event (since you wouldn't be inviting them to anything you weren't pleased about), or really anything else except the stuff I mentioned above.

The specific words of the invitation are also really not the place to get creative or show your personality. A lot of creative wording is a) not that creative in the end, and b) not easy for others to understand. You might know exactly what you meant, but your guests could still end up being confused. Sticking with the traditional words (even if not the traditional aesthetic or formality level) helps make sure everyone understands what you're doing.

You should also keep in mind that the formality of the words (and invitation overall) should match the formality of the event itself. If you'll be having a formal wedding, you should stick with formal wording (no abbreviations, spelled out years, full names with titles, more traditional centered text, etc.). If you're not having a formal wedding, you absolutely should remove some of the formality from the invitation, because it will help people know what to expect. So you can skip titles, you can use numbers for years, you can do things like abbreviate street addresses, etc. You do want it all to look cohesive and be aesthetically pleasing to you, but it's good to keep in mind that the invitation is the very first thing any of your guests will see that communicates information about the event, so you want the invitation to be in keeping with what your event will actually be like.

One other thing I will say is that I can completely understand wanting to acknowledge your families and the work they have put into your wedding. But I would caution you against doing it on your invitation unless your families can function as hosts (even if they aren't the main ones). The reason why invitations say who is inviting you to a wedding is so that you know who you're supposed to RSVP to and who knows the details of what's going on if you have questions. If your families can fulfill those roles, then definitely list them on the invitation if you want to. But if they can't, or you don't want them to, it would be better to leave them off and acknowledge them in another way.

Truly, the best way to communicate a unique style or personality through the invitation is to let that inform your choice of things like colors, fonts, graphics, and text layout. The words themselves have to serve enough other purposes that expecting them to communicate your personalities on top of it all is just expecting too much.
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: TootsNYC on March 14, 2014, 10:16:52 AM
I like lowspark's find a LOT!!!
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: Margo on March 14, 2014, 10:23:41 AM
I personally would not put your families on the invitation - it's great to want to thank them and acknowledge the support they've provided, but I would suggest that you do tat as part of any toasts or speeches (if you're planing to have any).

I share Toots'  dislike of the 'wish to invite' type wording - you don't wish to invite them, you *are* inviting them :)

The wording Lowspark linked to is pretty good, but if you don't want to specifically say that you've already done the legal bit, you could say something like "Glitter and Partner invite [Name] to celebrate our marriage with us at [place] on  [time and date] "

I also really like Maude's suggestion, and you can use 'marriage' not union if you want.
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: TurtleDove on March 14, 2014, 10:36:07 AM
That is us, but we are still calling this our wedding. I know it's complicated and non-traditional. But that was our "we have to do this for it be legal" wedding, this is our "real" wedding. Since we couldn't have both in the same place legally. We just a bit extra with the legal one because my great uncle was there.


You are already married, yes?  I wouldn't pretend you are not (for one thing, it begs the rhetorical question of why is it important to have a legally recognized marriage if it doesn't mean anything to you). 

For my first wedding, we eloped, and then six months later (to appease our families) we had a "solemnization" of our vows.  It was something like, "TurtleDove, did you take this man...." instead of "TurtleDove, do you take this man...."  And we affirmed that yes, we had already vowed to be married and were simply restated our vows in the presence of our friends and families.

Our invitations were worded something like,

TurtleDove and FirstDH
Along With Their Families
Invite You To A Celebration of Their Marriage Vows

Solemnization of Vows at Church at 4 p.m. on February 26, 2000
Followed by a Reception With Dinner and Dancing at Location

It was clear to everyone that they were not witnessing our wedding, but rather celebrating our marriage.  I would suggest that route for you since you are also already married.
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: lofty on March 14, 2014, 10:49:43 AM
May I ever so humbly suggest a couple of my favorites?

This one gives a nod to your family and simply defines the very happy occasion as a celebration:
(http://img1.etsystatic.com/000/0/5981460/il_fullxfull.350078589.jpg)

This one doesn't mention your families the way it currently reads, but the "first day of their new lives together" is nice for basically saying "this is when our wedding anniversary will be":
(http://img1.etsystatic.com/000/0/5981460/il_fullxfull.350060135.jpg)

Last one - mentions families, asks for the pleasure of company at wedding & celebration:
(http://img1.etsystatic.com/010/0/5981460/il_fullxfull.413241507_okky.jpg)
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: Margo on March 17, 2014, 08:25:41 AM
you could also alter the wording on the last one to 'wedding celebration' rather than 'wedding and celebration', which would indicate that you are inviting them to a celebration, not to  a formal wedding!
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: gellchom on March 17, 2014, 01:02:39 PM
Just please please please be CLEAR about everything.  So many people get so wound up in the style or tone or creativity of the invitation that the effect isn't what they want so much as ???????

As far as I am concerned, if this is "your wedding" in your eyes, then that's what it is.  I know that there are those who don't like calling events wedding when there has already been a legal or other ceremony already, and others (like me) who only dislike it in some circumstances.  But it doesn't matter what we think.  For you, it is the wedding.  There is no need for the invitation to advertise any of your circumstances.

So that is what the invitation should say.  I would use very traditional wording especially in your circumstances -- the more unusual or complicating factors there are, the more important it is to be crystal clear.  By "traditional," I don't mean "formal," I just mean wording that people are used to seeing and understand -- not something like "a celebration of our love" or "a reception honoring our new life."  I would be confused if I received something like that.  (And it does matter: if you invite me to your wedding, I will be there 15 minutes before the time you gave.  If you invite me to a "celebration" or a "reception," I will be there 10 minutes after.)

So I suggest something like:

Together with their families
ABC and XYZ
request the pleasure of your company
as they are married [or "at their wedding"]
date
time
place
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: TurtleDove on March 17, 2014, 01:12:15 PM
Just please please please be CLEAR about everything.  So many people get so wound up in the style or tone or creativity of the invitation that the effect isn't what they want so much as ???????
...  By "traditional," I don't mean "formal," I just mean wording that people are used to seeing and understand -- not something like "a celebration of our love" or "a reception honoring our new life."  I would be confused if I received something like that.  (And it does matter: if you invite me to your wedding, I will be there 15 minutes before the time you gave.  If you invite me to a "celebration" or a "reception," I will be there 10 minutes after.)

So I suggest something like:

Together with their families
ABC and XYZ
request the pleasure of your company
as they are married [or "at their wedding"]
date
time
place

gellchom, I agree, except this is not a wedding but a reaffirming of wedding vows, so I think that should be what it is billed as.  Wording could be, "as they affirm before friends and family the vows they took 2/1/14" (or whatever the actual date of the legal wedding was)
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: mime on March 17, 2014, 02:16:49 PM
Just please please please be CLEAR about everything.  So many people get so wound up in the style or tone or creativity of the invitation that the effect isn't what they want so much as ???????

As far as I am concerned, if this is "your wedding" in your eyes, then that's what it is.  I know that there are those who don't like calling events wedding when there has already been a legal or other ceremony already, and others (like me) who only dislike it in some circumstances.  But it doesn't matter what we think.  For you, it is the wedding.  There is no need for the invitation to advertise any of your circumstances.

So that is what the invitation should say.  I would use very traditional wording especially in your circumstances -- the more unusual or complicating factors there are, the more important it is to be crystal clear.  By "traditional," I don't mean "formal," I just mean wording that people are used to seeing and understand -- not something like "a celebration of our love" or "a reception honoring our new life."  I would be confused if I received something like that.  (And it does matter: if you invite me to your wedding, I will be there 15 minutes before the time you gave.  If you invite me to a "celebration" or a "reception," I will be there 10 minutes after.)

So I suggest something like:

Together with their families
ABC and XYZ
request the pleasure of your company
as they are married [or "at their wedding"]
date
time
place

gellchom's sentiments and suggestions get my vote.
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: gellchom on March 17, 2014, 03:47:48 PM
gellchom, I agree, except this is not a wedding but a reaffirming of wedding vows, so I think that should be what it is billed as.  Wording could be, "as they affirm before friends and family the vows they took 2/1/14" (or whatever the actual date of the legal wedding was)
I understand your point, but did you read this, above, from the OP?
Hmmm...I suppose part of it depends what you're calling this event.  She surprised you with a legal wedding a few weeks ago when you were visiting your uncle...or am I mixing you up with another poster?

That is us, but we are still calling this our wedding. I know it's complicated and non-traditional. But that was our "we have to do this for it be legal" wedding, this is our "real" wedding. Since we couldn't have both in the same place legally. We just a bit extra with the legal one because my great uncle was there.
I know others disagree and insist that people in the OP's position not call events like this a "wedding." But especially for people like same-sex couples in states without marriage equality who MUST have the legal and the local celebratory ceremony separate, that seems unkind to me.  If this is what feels like and functions as their "real wedding" to them -- not a second big shindig, but the important, significant ceremony for them, even though the one necessary for government recognition was done earlier -- then as far as I am concerned, society should honor that.  I think of the same sex couples I know who have gone to other states to have a quick civil ceremony, sometimes before, sometimes after, their local wedding; it never made any difference.  It was their wedding, and that was that.  I am sure I would have felt different if they had a big celebration another time and place.  But that's not what the OP is doing.  This isn't just an affirmation; to them, and evidently to their families and friends, it's what is really marrying them, just as it would be for a couple for whom religious vows are much more important than government requirements.

Anyway, the question is what should the invitation say, and as I wrote above, clarity is paramount in that inquiry.  Not clarity as to the government's interests (which isn't the guests' business and doesn't affect them), but clarity as to what the guests are going to be attending.  If it's to be a ceremony followed by a reception, then call it a wedding.  If it's just a reception, then call it that.

With all due respect, this is why I don't like wording like this, suggested by Maude:

Quote
COME CELEBRATE
the union of
Glitter and Partner!

There will be a (party, shindig, knees-up, ) with family and friends
at(place)
on(date)
from(time) until late.
And I would feel that way irrespective of whether there were one or two ceremonies involved.  The problem is that I can't tell what I am being invited to if I'm being invited "to celebrate someone's union" or a "celebration of their love."  Give guests a break and be clear.  If it's to be some kind of ceremony or ritual, tell me so.

I also disagree that whether or not their parents are paying for anything makes any difference in whether they are named as hosts in the invitation.  If they are in any sense hosts, and the couple wants to acknowledge that, as the OP says they do, then they should.  It is truly no one's business who pays for what.  (My daughter hasn't finalized her invitation wording yet, but we would be happy to list her fiance's parents as hosts right along with us, even though they are not paying for anything; conversely, I am very sure that my mother will insist that she not be listed as a host, even though she is helping us pay.)  There is more than one way to share the role of hosts.
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: TurtleDove on March 17, 2014, 03:56:09 PM
gelchom, I did read that from the OP and I addressed it in an earlier post.  To me, it seems that gay and lesbian couples (and their straight supporters) fought hard for the legal right to marry.  To me, if the OP says her upcoming event is her "real wedding," it is then confusing that the legal wedding was not "real" to her.  Why did we all fight so gay and lesbian people can legally marry if it has no real meaning to them?

Now, I am not saying that I think legal marriage means nothing to the OP.  I am just saying that by minimizing/ignoring that the legal right "means somthing" and saying the upcoming event is the "real wedding" it confuses things.

Just my perspective.

oh - and to be clear, I think the upcoming event should be fully supported and celebrated!!!!  Just as a reaffirmation of vows and not as a first wedding.
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: GlitterIsMyDrug on March 17, 2014, 04:30:26 PM
This is our wedding. We are calling it our wedding. We will walk down an aisle, we will exchange personal vows (as opposed to the generic ones we exchanged before), and then we will have a kick butt party.

Yes, legal paperwork has been filed. Yes, there was an exchange of vows so that we could get that legal paperwork. But because we can't have our wedding in our home state and have it be legal, is why they were separate. Not because the legality is unimportant. But because our state still says we can't be treated the same as everyone else. We have to be different. If we resided in lets say New York, where same sex marriage is just the same opposite sex marriage, we would not have two separate shindigs. But we don't live in New York. Or any other state that has legalized same sex marriage. We live in a state with a ban on same sex marriage. So we got our marriage license in another state. So that we can be allowed to have them federal rights as John and Jane Smith who were fortune enough to be in a heterosexual relationship. We just did it now because...well we were there and my great uncle was there, and some our family had shown up, so sure, why not just do it now. One less trip to take later.

All of that aside, you all have given us some great ideas about how to word our invitations. Especially getting from our names to the hey you're invited bit. Without it being too clunky. Thank you!
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: Margo on March 20, 2014, 04:03:54 PM
Whatever you say on the invitation, I hope you have a fantastic Wedding and that your both have a great time on the day!
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: Chonsil on March 20, 2014, 05:52:54 PM
Some ideas here:
http://offbeatbride.com/2007/12/wedding-invitation-wording-that-wont-make-you-barf#.Uytv3ah_sUU

Some of them are a bit too cutesy and off the wall for my taste (and just ignore the section dealing with invitations that have "special requests") but if you have a look through there may be some phrases that may strike the right chord for you.
Title: Re: Invitation Wording
Post by: LtPowers on March 22, 2014, 10:16:00 AM
Keep in mind that if the guests of honor are also the hosts, it's customary to phrase the invitation in the passive voice (e.g., "You are invited..." not "We invite you...").


Powers  &8^]