Etiquette Hell

A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. Guests, register for forum membership to see all the boards. => Humor Me! => Topic started by: Hollanda on July 10, 2014, 07:43:03 AM

Title: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Hollanda on July 10, 2014, 07:43:03 AM
...you wake at 5.50am every. Single. Day.  Even when your child is staying at their grandparents' house.
...you find yourself talking in your "Mummy" voice (slightly louder and clearer than usual) when you are speaking with fully functioning adults.  On the phone.  At work.
...you no longer swear.  "Oh my days" takes the place of swear words, and you just cannot bring yourself to utter them.
...you find yourself humming the theme tune of various CBeebies programmes even when your child is nowhere to be seen.
...your idea of a good night no longer involves partying the night away, but getting through the huge pile of ironing whilst watching Jeremy Kyle, Coronation Street or some other random, rubbish, no-brain-required TV show.
...you realise there are indeed two five o'clocks in a day.
...getting ready to go out now involves throwing your hair into a semblence of a bun/ponytail and then hightailing it out the door quickly - time is of the essence, and you don't want to waste the very short window of child free time.
...chicken nuggets, chips, tomato ketchup and a Fruit Shoot actually sounds like a very acceptable meal, and when asked by a Health Visitor whether the diet is varied, the answer of "Sometimes it's fish fingers" is equally acceptable.  (Please note, DS and I do occasionally make our own "chicken dippers" using fresh chicken and our own-made breadcrumbs, which are entirely more yummy than the shop bought ones; and he does have peas with his meals, and sometimes even eats one if I'm lucky...!!!)
...even when you are away from your kid, you cannot stop thinking or talking about them. Constantly.
 
So...what are yours?!
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on July 10, 2014, 08:23:27 AM
-I've always been a morning person anyway but definitely started waking up earlier once I had kids.  Even more so when my eldest started getting up at 6 on school days.  They've been out of school for a month now and I'm STILL waking up before 7.  Course I also have cats and it's hard to ignore a kitty that's licking and headbutting you.

-Kid shows grow on you after a while and you find yourself humming the theme songs.

-You learn to keep a stash of snacks your kids won't find.

Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: mime on July 10, 2014, 09:24:48 AM
- Putting on nail polish is an extreme luxury. It means you know you have at least 20 minutes where you won't be interrupted by anyone who needs anything.
- You can't even remember a time when you weren't tired.
- You find yourself saying things like "let me finish drying the monkey's tail then I'll put the pants on the frog", and it makes perfect sense.
- You have permanently adopted the "mom sway": when standing, you continuously shift your weight from side to side as if rocking a baby to sleep. You do this even when you're not holding a baby.

Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: oz diva on July 10, 2014, 09:41:56 AM
You relish work because no one follows you to the bathroom. (Or if they do, there are protocols to get rid of them ;) )
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: twiggy on July 10, 2014, 10:28:35 AM
- Putting on nail polish is an extreme luxury. It means you know you have at least 20 minutes where you won't be interrupted by anyone who needs anything.
- You can't even remember a time when you weren't tired.
- You find yourself saying things like "let me finish drying the monkey's tail then I'll put the pants on the frog", and it makes perfect sense.
- You have permanently adopted the "mom sway": when standing, you continuously shift your weight from side to side as if rocking a baby to sleep. You do this even when you're not holding a baby.

I do this at stores. If I have anything in my arms at the checkout line, I sway and rock. I've soothed many a bag of sugar, to the amusement of the cashiers :)

my "you know you're a parent when..." is when you're watching a show with a bratty/adorable kid antics and identify with the parents instead of the protagonist. My younger SIL loves Merida in Brave. I can't stand her because of the tapestry scene. I literally winced when I saw her cut it and thought of the hundreds of hours that were just ruined.
Similarly, I see the moral of Finding Nemo to be, "listen to your parents." If Nemo hadn't disobeyed his dad and gone after the boat, neither of them would have nearly died several times over.

though I guess the fact that I've put so much thought and analysis into Disney movies is a 'you know you're a parent' moment in and of itself :)

DH's moment would be wearing a clunky plastic bead necklace to work because DS made it just for him
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: ladyknight1 on July 10, 2014, 11:49:35 AM
When you no longer bat an eye at "I need to go here, here and here on Saturday".

I frequently wear the leather cuff bracelet DS made me.
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on July 10, 2014, 12:15:49 PM
Finding Nemo's moral I find to be twofold, that a child should listen to the parents, but also that the parents shouldn't be overly protective, and let their kids explore and even get bruised to a degree.  That Marlin got as fussed about Nemo going to school as he did about the drop-off made it so that Nemo didn't take the actual danger very seriously cause his dad went into a panic about anything.

-Yeah...debating the morals of kids stories I guess is another one! LOL!  But I'm with you on the tapestry in Brave.  Especially as I've taken up cross stitching...oy.
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Bobbie on July 10, 2014, 12:17:33 PM
..you tell time by what program they are watching on TV
..you always have food ready (when my boys were teenagers) because they are like Hobbits (breakfast, elevenes, lunch, snack, tea, dinner, after dinner)
..you don't flinch when you here a piercing scream, just look around to see if its one of yours
..I thought I got away from my bathroom audience, the dog now follows and sometimes that cat
..you can cook dinner with kids sitting on your feet
..you can herd kids like a cowboy herds cattle
..the big accomplishment of the month was putting all the laundry away (cause in my house that was a rare occurrence)
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Kimblee on July 10, 2014, 01:17:39 PM
..you tell time by what program they are watching on TV
..you always have food ready (when my boys were teenagers) because they are like Hobbits (breakfast, elevenes, lunch, snack, tea, dinner, after dinner)
..you don't flinch when you here a piercing scream, just look around to see if its one of yours
..I thought I got away from my bathroom audience, the dog now follows and sometimes that cat
..you can cook dinner with kids sitting on your feet
..you can herd kids like a cowboy herds cattle

..the big accomplishment of the month was putting all the laundry away (cause in my house that was a rare occurrence)

I did all of these at 12, since my two cousins lived with us, and I was usually caring for them alone.

The cooking with kids sitting on my feet made me smile so hard my face hurt. I can't tell you how many meal preps had one kid holding onto my leg and the other piggy-backing because he "needed to smells" my hair.

Not a real parent yet but I love this thread.
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Slartibartfast on July 10, 2014, 05:50:21 PM
...you have someone else's underpants in your purse.  And you're not in college.
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Enigmatism on July 11, 2014, 08:02:33 AM
..you tell time by what program they are watching on TV
..you always have food ready (when my boys were teenagers) because they are like Hobbits (breakfast, elevenes, lunch, snack, tea, dinner, after dinner)
..you don't flinch when you here a piercing scream, just look around to see if its one of yours
..I thought I got away from my bathroom audience, the dog now follows and sometimes that cat
..you can cook dinner with kids sitting on your feet
..you can herd kids like a cowboy herds cattle
..the big accomplishment of the month was putting all the laundry away (cause in my house that was a rare occurrence)

You missed out brunch!
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Hollanda on July 11, 2014, 09:56:43 AM
- you find yourself uttering the same sentences that many times that you could do with a recorder to just play back on a loop.
 
- you find yourself thinking 200 times a day "I'm turning into my mother."
 
- you begin to feel almost homicidal when you have a toddler in a buggy and you are trying to get somewhere, only for the person in front of you to just randomly stop, in the middle of the street.  And you almost go into the back of them.  And then the person behind you comes to an abrupt stop. 
 
- you realise that you do actually get grumpy after little sleep.
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on July 12, 2014, 05:30:43 PM
When you count down the days to a trip to visit a friend for a girl's weekend.  :) 

I'm not a Family Guy fan but I had to give a chuckle when I saw this video cause my 2 year old is at this stage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOLxQGLJouI
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: camlan on July 12, 2014, 06:33:13 PM
I knew my brother was really a dad the night he ended a phone call with "Nighty-night!" instead of "Bye!"
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: jayhawk on July 12, 2014, 09:13:40 PM
When you count down the days to a trip to visit a friend for a girl's weekend.  :) 

I'm not a Family Guy fan but I had to give a chuckle when I saw this video cause my 2 year old is at this stage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOLxQGLJouI

That's the ringtone I have assigned to my 18 year old son's phone number.
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Deetee on July 12, 2014, 09:53:44 PM
...you have someone else's underpants in your purse.  And you're not in college.

This.
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: ladyknight1 on July 13, 2014, 06:21:45 PM
You instinctively know whose shirt that is, without looking at the size.
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: MommyPenguin on July 13, 2014, 07:33:18 PM
You instinctively know whose shirt that is, without looking at the size.

I am ridiculously bad at this, for a mom, because with 4 girls, many of the kids' clothes have been handed down 2 or even 3 times.  I can look at an item and distinctly remember when I bought it for my oldest in advance and it seemed *so* big, like she'd never grow into it.  And now my littlest fits it.  I'd say I can pick out about half of the clothes without looking at the sizes, because the item is distinct enough that my strongest mental image of somebody wearing it is for the kid who it currently fits.  But the other half of the clothes are either not worn frequently enough or aren't distinct enough (plain yellow shirt, or plain blue jean shorts) that I couldn't tell you without giving it a long look to estimate size or checking the tag.

My oldest has a ridiculous issue with confusing her underwear with mine, because we happen to wear the same size (hers is toddler six, mine is adult six).  I'm not entirely sure why it isn't obvious based on the size, or the fact that has a My Little Pony on it, but so it goes.
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Gwywnnydd on July 13, 2014, 07:36:24 PM
You instinctively know whose shirt that is, without looking at the size.

This worked for eleven years.
It no longer works. My DS is close enough in size to me, and has similar enough taste in clothes, that I have to actually look at every shirt.
And if he is sent to the pile of clean laundry to find a shirt to wear, there's an even chance he'll end up wearing one of mine.
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: ladyknight1 on July 13, 2014, 07:36:33 PM
You really need to keep your MLP undies separate!  >:D
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: MommyPenguin on July 13, 2014, 07:38:37 PM
You really need to keep your MLP undies separate!  >:D

lol.  I don't think they make them in adult sizes.  But!  I do have a few with penguins on them.  :)
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: mmswm on July 13, 2014, 07:59:37 PM
When you reach into your purse for your phone and pull out three hot wheels cars, 10 Lego bricks, a couple of Lego mini-figures, athletic wrap, and a spare pair of socks instead.
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Jones on July 13, 2014, 08:38:29 PM
-You plan out shopping with the stores that have public restrooms at the top of the list.
-When you meet new neighbors you wonder if the teenager babysits.
-Veggie covered pizza is the healthy everyone's-exhausted-and-hungry option.
-You have at least one toddler game app on your phone...and you catch yourself playing it even when your child isn't there (hey, dinos are awesome).
-Your toddler comes up from behind to give you a sneak attack hug.
-You say "You've got my bum!" after the hug, the child says "Got you bum!" and you both collapse to giggling.
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Frog24 on July 23, 2014, 06:06:15 PM
We were in the park yesterday for a free music in the park event.  A man walked by our blanket wheeling a bike with a trail-a-bike attached.  His family was sitting on the blanket next to ours.  My 18 month old toddler saw male legs, saw the trail-a-bike and followed the man back to his family's blanket. 

He sat down next to his family and said hi to his folks and daughter (age 5).  My toddler went right up to him, turned around and plopped into his lap.  We were all astonished. "She's never done that before!" I told them before I introduced myself.  She contentedly sat in his lap for 20 minutes listening to the band play, and when she finally stood up, she turned to him, said "Dada!" and gave him a hug.

When his own child climbed into his lap for a hug, my toddler started crying, pulling at her shirt and waving her hands agitatedly.  (She was very jealous!)  As soon as his daughter moved away, my child ran back into his arms.

Thank you, sir, for being so kind to my daughter.  For holding her so patiently, for reassuring me that it was okay with you that she took up your time (and your lap!) and for making her feel so at ease in your presence.  Thank you to your generous family for sharing your snacks with us (I also shared with them), and for always asking me for permission before offering my child something.

It was the oddest and sweetest thing I'd ever seen.
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Gyburc on July 28, 2014, 08:00:57 AM
Frog24, that's really lovely!

As to the thread, you know you're a parent when...

...your instinctive reaction to any bad smell is 'Time for a nappy change!', whether your child is with you or not.

 ;D
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Frog24 on July 30, 2014, 04:39:44 PM
... you burn your mouth on some luke-warm food because it's been so long since you've had a hot meal.
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Bobbie on July 30, 2014, 04:44:45 PM
... you burn your mouth on some luke-warm food because it's been so long since you've had a hot meal.

Ding ding ding ^^^^^ winner ;D
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: White Dragon on July 30, 2014, 07:32:54 PM
... you burn your mouth on some luke-warm food because it's been so long since you've had a hot meal.

Ding ding ding ^^^^^ winner ;D

The only food that parents get to eat warm is ice cream!
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Peppergirl on July 30, 2014, 10:12:58 PM
When an ear-piercing shriek is emitted from a kid's mouth in a store, and you don't even flinch. 

I should add: even when your kids are 26 and 24!  Even after all these years, I don't even notice. Scary.   ;D
Title: Re: You Know You're A Parent When...
Post by: Hollanda on July 31, 2014, 04:15:57 AM
... you burn your mouth on some luke-warm food because it's been so long since you've had a hot meal.

Ding ding ding ^^^^^ winner ;D
 
I cottoned on to this one quickly.
 
When in hospital after having DS, I always ordered sandwiches, a drink and a yoghurt.  DH asked how the food was and I owned up to what I ate (and sometimes he was there).  Only once did I ever get to try one hot meal, which I swiftly had to abandon to feed a very hungry baby.  Since then, really, I've got used to not eating hot meals (they're interrupted by x, y or z) and rarely drink tea or coffee hot, even when I can!

The only food that parents get to eat warm is ice cream!