Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Etiquette Hell Classics => Topic started by: Lisbeth on January 08, 2007, 05:09:24 PM

Title: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Lisbeth on January 08, 2007, 05:09:24 PM
It's kind of long, but this story may even qualify as Faux Pas Of the Year, instead of just "Weddings From Hell". Although dubbing it "From Hell" would certainly be appropriate. A couple of years ago I was dating a guy named Tay, and he told me that some friends of his that I didn't know were getting married, but they'd invited him "and guest" so would I like to be his date? He'd take care of the gift, since I didn't know the couple. He said I'd find them somewhat strange, but how strange could a wedding be, I thought. (DUN DUN DUNNNNN.... ominous music) I said I'd be delighted to go. Big mistake.

It wasn't just a tacky wedding. EVERYTHING about the wedding was downright HORRIFIC. One disaster after another. I shudder to think about it even now. To start off, the wedding was held outdoors. In the dead of night. On a full moon. In front of a CEMETERY. AAAAAHHHH! There were even no decorations in the wedding area. The closest thing there was the flowers scattered throughout the cemetery. Most of the guests wore black. Some even had black hair and makeup. Even male guests. I couldn't believe it. And one woman wore a floor-length (or ground-length, I suppose) white gown. Another guest was carrying a cat, another was carrying a SNAKE..... you get the idea.

The bride and groom had hired a string quartet, they were dressed all in BLACK LEATHER and didn't play anything that wasn't in a minor key. Even the "here comes the bride" music sounded like a dirge.

The wedding party, that's where I finally admitted to myself it wasn't going to improve. There were two male and two female groom's attendants, and two male and two female bride's attendants, too. There was NO clear MOH or BM. The groom's attendants all wore purple shirts and black pants, purple lipstick and black eye makeup and white face paint, and carried one white candle. The bride's attendants all wore white shirts and black pants, black lipstick and eye makeup and white face paint, and carried one purple candle. No flowers, pants on the female attendants, and makeup on the male attendants.

THEN came the couple. The groom wore leather pants and boots, and a white, open-necked shirt. In any other setting, that shirt may have been nice, if a bit nineteenth-century. Needless to say, it may have been the highlight of the event. Anyway, he was wearing a LEATHER COLLAR, five earrings, and an eyebrow ring, and the same makeup as his attendants, and his hair was purple to match it, his attendants, and the bride's attendants' candles. And the bride's gown.

The bride... where do I begin? She was about a foot taller than the groom, she wore white face paint and black lipstick and eye makeup that swirled onto her temples and cheekbones. And combat boots. No veil, no train, no flowers, nothing. Her gown showed off her arms, back, and some of her legs above her boots. It also showed off the tattoos she had all over those parts of her body. Her (black) hair was pulled back to show off the seven rings in each ear.

I don't know who told these people that this was acceptable at a wedding. The pastor was old, he looked about five minutes away from disintegration. The blessing was unbelievable, he said the most appallingly inappropriate things, like how in just a few short decades they would be buried here in this cemetery, side by side, six feet under, in matching coffins, rotting together for all eternity. I remember that part word for word because it was in the Addams family. I thought I was going to be sick. (Not at the imagery, but at the fact that it was being said as nuptials.)

I only stayed because I wasn't sure I wanted to be seen leaving early by these people. Needless to say, I spent most of the ceremony reconsidering dating anybody who'd have that type as friends.

We all had to walk to the reception which was at a big old house three blocks away from the ceremony. The leather string quartet came with us to provide music there, much to my dismay.

It didn't get better away from the cemetery. The house was dimly lit and full of cobwebs. There was no champagne, instead they had a lot of red wine to drink and toast with. I didn't recognize a single one of the dishes in the buffet, and a lot of them were cold. There was no planned seating arrangement, they barely had tables. A lot of people had to just stand around holding their plates in one hand, with their wine glass on a nearby sideboard. Or else sit on a sofa with their plates in their lap. Tay managed to get us seats at a table, but then I had to work to avoid making eye contact with anybody.

Since there was no best man, nobody made a speech, and most of the guests who tried to dance didn't have partners. All the gifts had been given earlier, and they were on display on a table. Not a one of them was an appropriate wedding gift. Only one person had even given money, and HE had folded a check up and put it in a puzzle box. Tay pointed out the gift with the tag that said "From Tay and [my name]". It was a pair of hip flasks, one with a dragon on it, the other with a skull and crossbones.

So I wrote two notes, one saying they should be disgusted at what they're doing to the tradition of marriage, and another breaking up with Tay, and then went to the bathroom and climbed out the window.  Needless to say, I've been screening my calls ever since.    Wedhell0524-03




This happened at my own wedding. I'll be the first to admit it was....unconventional! lol. My (now) husband and I were very into the Goth scene at the time. I was actually a writer for a well-known horror mag, and hubby-to-be worked as a...well, as a "gore designer". Think slasher flicks, and you get the idea! We were, therefore, very into the scene--as were most of our mates. We chose to hold a Goth wedding--cemetery, memento mori-style imagery...the whole nine yards. It was a few years ago, and yes, I'd do things differently now...but at the time (and since!), my more-than-loving friends went at their leather togs with gusto and a good attitude.

I had to give you a rundown on my "untraditional" wedding before getting to the Main Course. A good friend of my HTB was invited with his guest. The friend (whom I'll call "T") was NOT a subscriber to our lifestyle, but had been more than supportive. and got completely into the swing of things. T's girlfriend, however, was another story! I didn't hear about it at the time, as I was a nervous bride and my friends and family (God bless my mum and sister!) kept this girl from me. But I gather she spent the whole ceremony Female Dog at those who looked "normal" (her quote) about the setting, lack of decor (we were in a cemetery! Would bows and flowers on the gravestones be more appropriate???) . makeup on boys (my mate and I have oodles of friends who are g*a*y, straight, and everything in between. If they came in glitter and neon, if they were happy, I'D BE HAPPY. Who was this woman to belittle us?), and (gasp) my freakin' footwear! (I had a long dress, and chose to wear comfy shoes as opposed to new ones...)

So this stranger is accepting our hospitality whilst yipping to a LOT of our close friends about how "nasty" and "uncouth" we were. Even her Boyfriend was embarrassed by her behavior. She went off about our choice of a cold buffet (although we had a seafood bar (!) ), and refused to sit with any of our friends-- "T" actually went and set up a table for her, and her alone. so she wouldn't be "contaminated"!

The one interaction I had with her involved her commenting, "Wow, I'm amazed (hubby) knew where to put the actual WEDDING ring." I am quite pierced, and, in fact, have several tattoos. But what the heck? Do my browrings somehow nullify the wedding ring?

As a final indignity, this girl left a note IN MY BOUQUET, written on tissue, accusing me of making a mockery of marriage, and telling ME, the bride, to tell "T" that she didn't want to see him anymore!

...all I can say is that hubby and I are still deliriously happy, and T is now married--to one of my best friends! While we might not do things the way we did, neither Jay nor I regret our wedding. And all this girl did was prove to me that I have the best, most unjudgemental, most loving friends and family ever. They'll know me to read this, as they ALL remember her--and I love you guys!

Guests1102-05


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sounds like the same wedding to me!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: emeraldsage85 on January 08, 2007, 05:27:56 PM
So apparently it's wrong for female attendants to wear pants?
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Hawkwatcher on January 08, 2007, 05:41:06 PM
It is also wrong for women to be tall as well. Apparently the bride should have cut off her legs so she wouldn't be taller than the groom.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Chartreuse on January 08, 2007, 05:49:29 PM
I see nothing wrong with getting married how you see fit.  As such, the gal who wrote in the first one probably should be swiftly kicked in the backside for being so snarky about another's choice for a wedding.  Who's to say she's the one to judge for taste?  Other than it not being her personal choice of style, I'm not exactly seeing anything that screams bad etiquette, except the poster's attitude.  All that gal's post did was show she's snarky and really a crappy girlfriend (if she couldn't even face Tay to dump him and would dump him over his choice of friends).  Ugh.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: emeraldsage85 on January 08, 2007, 07:13:07 PM
I see nothing wrong with getting married how you see fit.  As such, the gal who wrote in the first one probably should be swiftly kicked in the backside for being so snarky about another's choice for a wedding.  Who's to say she's the one to judge for taste?  Other than it not being her personal choice of style, I'm not exactly seeing anything that screams bad etiquette, except the poster's attitude.  All that gal's post did was show she's snarky and really a crappy girlfriend (if she couldn't even face Tay to dump him and would dump him over his choice of friends).  Ugh.

I never did figure out why Jeanne didn't give that poster the boot into etiquette hell.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: sammycat on January 09, 2007, 02:48:45 AM
I don't know anything at all about the goth lifestyle but it sounds to me like the wedding was just what the HC wanted.  None of the guests, except Tay's date, seemed to find anything to be offended by, and if they're happy then that's a good sign that the HC have done something right.  I can't see any etiquette faux pas that would toss the HC or their guests in ehell.

Tay's date is the only one I think badly of in this whole scenario for being so judgemental that the wedding wasn't to her standards.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Stjarni on January 09, 2007, 07:31:20 AM

I would rather have a Goth wedding then have a full-blown expensive over-the-top wedding.

Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: LadyDyani on January 09, 2007, 08:09:06 AM
I remembered that first story from a while back, and when I first read the second story, I did wonder if someone had written it in response to the first story.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Evil Duckie on January 09, 2007, 01:06:36 PM
These two stories if not of the same event should be.

The only tacky person I see was the guest. She was very rude and very tacky. I am gald that she didn't ruin the day for HC and most of the guests.

The HC did nothing wrong that I can see. Yes it was a bit of a unconventional wedding, but so what.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: LJM on January 09, 2007, 09:13:21 PM
I remembered that first story from a while back, and when I first read the second story, I did wonder if someone had written it in response to the first story.

Me too, but I couldn`t blame them, really, if that was the case.

My introduction to this website was from another board, where someone posted a link to the letter from the Goth-wedding guest, to show how over the top obnoxious the letter writer was. A long thread proceeded where we mocked the guest-from-hell letter writer.

As awful as the guest-from-hell letter writer was, I place a large part of the blame on her boyfriend. He presumably knew both the happy couple and his girlfriend well enough to know they`d mix like oil and water, but just sprung the Goth wedding on her without a word of warning. Why didn`t he tell her what she was getting into and ask her if she wanted to bow out, rather than subjecting the wedding couple to an unpleasnt guest and his girlfriend to a situation he knew she`d be very uncomfortable in?

So if the second letter was manufactured, I wish they hadn`t of given the guy such a free pass.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: LJM on January 09, 2007, 09:36:13 PM
I mean, come on:

...To start off, the wedding was held outdoors.
...There were even no decorations in the wedding area.
...Some even had black hair
...The wedding party, that's where I finally admitted to myself it wasn't going to improve. There were two male and two female groom's attendants, and two male and two female bride's attendants, too. There was NO clear MOH or BM.
...The bride, where do I begin? She was about a foot taller than the groom,
...No veil, no train, no flowers, nothing.
...Her (black) hair
...The pastor was old, he looked about five minutes away from disintegration.
...I only stayed because I wasn't sure I wanted to be seen leaving early by these people.
...There was no champagne, instead they had a lot of red wine to drink and toast with. I didn't recognize a single one of the dishes in the buffet,
...Since there was no best man, nobody made a speech, and most of the guests who tried to dance didn't have partners. All the gifts had been given earlier, and they were on display on a table. Not a one of them was an appropriate wedding gift. Only one person had even given money, and HE had folded a check up and put it in a puzzle box.
...So I wrote two notes, one saying they should be disgusted at what they're doing to the tradition of marriage, and another breaking up with Tay, and then went to the bathroom and climbed out the window.  Needless to say, I've been screening my calls ever since.    Wedhell0524-03

Why wasn`t this in the "guests from hell" section of the site?

And even the rest of it that was decidedly odd (definitely not the wedding I`d want to have for myself, though being a guest mioght have been interesting), it was what the couple wanted, and as a bonus, none of the actual invited (not "and guest") guests seemed to have a problem with it. It`s not like the couple was trying to shock anyone, throw this in anyone`s face or make their guests uncomfortable. They were just having the wedding they wanted to have, and invited the people who were supportive of them and comfortable with their choice.

The wedding wasn`t put on for "and guest`s" benefit.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Clara Bow on January 10, 2007, 10:57:50 AM
Okay, so this poster is the expert on all things lovely and knows about weddings and lalala. So if she believes that the bride and groom are making a mockery of marriage (how exactly? They were getting married!) what does she call leaving a hateful note in the bride's bouquet??
What a horse's rear. Tay is better off without her.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Hawkwatcher on January 10, 2007, 12:29:03 PM

Me too, but I couldn`t blame them, really, if that was the case.

My introduction to this website was from another board, where someone posted a link to the letter from the Goth-wedding guest, to show how over the top obnoxious the letter writer was. A long thread proceeded where we mocked the guest-from-hell letter writer.

As awful as the guest-from-hell letter writer was, I place a large part of the blame on her boyfriend. He presumably knew both the happy couple and his girlfriend well enough to know they`d mix like oil and water, but just sprung the Goth wedding on her without a word of warning. Why didn`t he tell her what she was getting into and ask her if she wanted to bow out, rather than subjecting the wedding couple to an unpleasnt guest and his girlfriend to a situation he knew she`d be very uncomfortable in?

So if the second letter was manufactured, I wish they hadn`t of given the guy such a free pass.

He may have told her but she might not have listened to him or assumed that he was exaggerating.  He may also have been blind to his girlfriend's faults.  But he should have taken her home as soon as possible once he discovered how uncomfortable she was with the wedding.  Even though she was extremely rude, she was still his date and he did have some responsibility in ensuring her comfort.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: vedderbetter on January 24, 2007, 06:05:16 PM
Long time lurker and first posting attempt, but I felt compelled to say something about this.

I absolutely agree that guests of ANY event should be gracious and not comment on things that occur that may not reflect the guest's personal tastes but the tastes of the host/hostess.  This is doubly true for a wedding.

Secondly, it was completely inappropriate for the OP to leave a snarky note for the bride and to make such rude commentary on the bridal parties' choice of attire.

However, I do take issue with holding celebratory events (such as weddings) in cemeteries.  Cemeteries, by their very nature, are places for families to mourn the loss of loved ones, to provide a final resting place for those we have lost, and are peaceful and somber so that quiet reflection and mourning can occur.  They are not meant to be used by those who are fascinated by death/the macabre/other "dark fantasy" ideas as a backdrop for a theme wedding.  To use such a emotional (and not good emotion, most people interring a loved one are grieving, angry, depressed, etc.) disrespects the dead and more importantly, disrespects the families that would likely object quite strenuously to having their loved ones gravesite used as a wedding location for strangers.  It's almost as if part of the fun of the wedding is enjoying the loss that a cemetery represents for many people.  I for one would be very upset at any cemetery that would allow such an event to occur, especially at the site of one of my family members. 

I know this is an unpopular opinion, and yes, death isn't the end, and yes, we should celebrate life, but it still strikes me as disrespectful and, frankly, innappropriate.  I apologize in advance if I have offended but I simply had to say what I had to say.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Cyndi on January 24, 2007, 06:20:57 PM
^I agree...what if a guest recently lost someone? A cemetary would be a harsh reminder of that.

I mean...anybody here watch America's Next Top Model? One girl got informed that a close friend of hers had died and guess where the next photoshoot was? A CEMETARY! But the girl used those feelings for the shoot and did a great job. She never whined(though she was emotional).
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: kingsrings on January 24, 2007, 06:23:29 PM
I agree, vetterbetter. I am thinking that the wedding took place in very old cemetery with very old gravestones, but that still doesn't mean that the place doesn't need any respect and proper behavior any longer.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: TZ on January 24, 2007, 06:27:58 PM
I agree with you 100%, Vedderbetter.  I was actually going to post the same thing.  Couples do have a right to the wedding theme of their choice, and guests should not criticize them.  However, marrying in a cemetary is pretty disrespectful  If I went to visit a loved one's grave and discovered a couple getting married near it, you'd better believe that I would complain to the cemetary management.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Lisbeth on January 24, 2007, 06:39:53 PM
Long time lurker and first posting attempt, but I felt compelled to say something about this.

I absolutely agree that guests of ANY event should be gracious and not comment on things that occur that may not reflect the guest's personal tastes but the tastes of the host/hostess.  This is doubly true for a wedding.

Secondly, it was completely inappropriate for the OP to leave a snarky note for the bride and to make such rude commentary on the bridal parties' choice of attire.

However, I do take issue with holding celebratory events (such as weddings) in cemeteries.  Cemeteries, by their very nature, are places for families to mourn the loss of loved ones, to provide a final resting place for those we have lost, and are peaceful and somber so that quiet reflection and mourning can occur.  They are not meant to be used by those who are fascinated by death/the macabre/other "dark fantasy" ideas as a backdrop for a theme wedding.  To use such a emotional (and not good emotion, most people interring a loved one are grieving, angry, depressed, etc.) disrespects the dead and more importantly, disrespects the families that would likely object quite strenuously to having their loved ones gravesite used as a wedding location for strangers.  It's almost as if part of the fun of the wedding is enjoying the loss that a cemetery represents for many people.  I for one would be very upset at any cemetery that would allow such an event to occur, especially at the site of one of my family members. 

I know this is an unpopular opinion, and yes, death isn't the end, and yes, we should celebrate life, but it still strikes me as disrespectful and, frankly, innappropriate.  I apologize in advance if I have offended but I simply had to say what I had to say.

Ehelldame actually said the same things in a letter someone wrote in response to this story (the Mail Bag feature doesn't seem to be available on the website anymore, but that's where it was).  I agree with you and her.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Virg on January 24, 2007, 10:15:59 PM
vedderbetter wrote:

"However, I do take issue with holding celebratory events (such as weddings) in cemeteries."

It may only be an academic note and may not change your view of the event, but the original post states that the wedding took place in front of a cemetery, not within it.  Since the original post was written by the horrified guest, I'd figure that detail can be trusted as I'm sure she'd have complained if it was actually held in the cemetery.

Virg
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Gigi on January 25, 2007, 02:49:28 AM
Out here people hold weddings at Forest Lawn all the time. 
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Cupcake Fiend on January 25, 2007, 08:33:51 AM
I could see someone holding a wedding in a cemetary, if they had lost someone very dear and held it near that person's grave so as to feel like they were part of it.  Maybe.  I don't personally have that mindset -- I don't even want a grave when I die, but I could kinda sorta understand someone thinking that way.  I know people who do.  Not that they take it to that level, but they'll visit the grave and talk to the person.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Sterling on January 25, 2007, 03:52:33 PM
I feel that inside the cemetary would be bad but they were in front of it.  they were not on blessed ground.  Also it seems the wedding was really small so other that hte +1s brought by guest the HC would know if thier friends had recently lost someone.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Buffy2424 on January 25, 2007, 04:23:15 PM
There were two male and two female groom's attendants, and two male and two female bride's attendants, too. There was NO clear MOH or BM.

This made me laugh.  And the part where she mentions that the bride, who has black hair btw, is a foot taller than the groom. 

It's just like, isn't the wedding description unconventional enough without having to add these nuggets?  If you went to a leather-clad goth wedding in a cemetary, would you really be like, "and there was no clear MOH!"?  Ha. 
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Slartibartfast on January 26, 2007, 02:11:53 PM
I guess I'm really of the opinion that cemetaries are for the living.  They're somewhere the loved ones of the deceased can come to terms with the death, and keep the feeling the deceased is still in one physical location (in addition to whatever spiritual location their religion suggests.  We only treat cemetaries as "holy ground" because we know specific people were buried there - chances are, we are all right now on or near a site where a human being died some centuries ago - but since we don't know the people who died a thousand years ago, we don't worry about it.

I would definitely have a problem with a wedding in an *active* cemetary, where living people are still grieving the loss of friends and family members they loved, but an abandoned cemetary wouldn't bother me a bit. (Well, I wouldn't hold a wedding there, but I wouldn't have a problem with someone else doing so.)
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: LissaR1 on January 26, 2007, 03:25:22 PM
You know, I was sort of thinking the same thing.  To be honest, if I was dead, I'd rather happy things were going on above me.  I would have a problem if there were people present at the cemetary to mourn their loved ones.  But if the cemetary's deserted, I'd never do it, but I wouldn't have a problem with it, either.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Sleepingmediocre on January 27, 2007, 12:12:20 AM
This made me laugh.  And the part where she mentions that the bride, who has black hair btw, is a foot taller than the groom.

Yes, how DARE that bride have black hair or be tall?  Doesn't she know that brides don't DO these things? 

I also enjoyed her getting angry at one guest for having a dress that was "floor-length" and then getting upset because the bride's dress didn't cover the tops of her boots.  Apparently everyone at the wedding should have presented themselves to her beforehand for a hemline inspection!  OTOH, if they'd worn pants, the way the bride's and groom's attendants did, it wouldn't have been a problem, but wait!  That's wrong too!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: LJM on February 03, 2007, 06:24:34 PM
To use such a emotional (and not good emotion, most people interring a loved one are grieving, angry, depressed, etc.) disrespects the dead and more importantly, disrespects the families that would likely object quite strenuously to having their loved ones gravesite used as a wedding location for strangers.  It's almost as if part of the fun of the wedding is enjoying the loss that a cemetery represents for many people.

I would have had a lot more respect for the letter-writer if she had made this argument, but she didn't. Your points didn't seem to be an issue for her-- rather, the entire letter could be summed up as "how DARE these people I've never met have a wedding I disapprove of?"




Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: kathrynne on February 04, 2007, 11:01:04 PM
I guess I'm really of the opinion that cemetaries are for the living.  They're somewhere the loved ones of the deceased can come to terms with the death, and keep the feeling the deceased is still in one physical location (in addition to whatever spiritual location their religion suggests.  We only treat cemetaries as "holy ground" because we know specific people were buried there - chances are, we are all right now on or near a site where a human being died some centuries ago - but since we don't know the people who died a thousand years ago, we don't worry about it.
I'm a cemetery person, and have been for decades. Nice, peaceful places to hang out and read, and nobody's ever complained. There was a cemetery near my college campus that was huge and interesting, and full of incredible monuments, including a small pyramid (about two stories tall).

I've told DH that if there's any way it can be done I want a bench as my headstone. I'd love to have people sit and read or meditate there. Just don't put me next to some babbling brook that'll have me needing the bathroom for eternity!

The OP here would probalby balk at any ceremony that doesn't conform 100% to what she expects. Too much like one of my great-Aunts, who walked away from my Dad's funeral saying, "Not enough religion in it for me." Well, Dad wasn't a religious man. Deal with it.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: magicdomino on February 04, 2007, 11:12:34 PM
While I'm not into the Goth scene, I would have enjoyed a wedding like that.  It's much better than a BWW starring Bridezilla complaining about the wedding gifts not being expensive enough to cover the cost of the dinner.

I can understand why someone would be distressed at having the wedding actually in the cemetary
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Pixie on February 06, 2007, 01:21:39 PM
I'm always happy to go to any wedding where the  Couple getting married are in love and committed to sharing the rest of their lives together. If they are happy and comfortable, then so am I.   Many people would not have had a wedding like mine, but Hubby and were happy.   I think LOVE is the most important thing at any wedding.


I agree, that guest was rude.




Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Gambitgirl on February 07, 2007, 10:12:50 AM
So apparently it's wrong for female attendants to wear pants?

or to have black hair or be taller than the groom?

yes, the wedding was non-traditional in the extreme, but i didn't see anything that revolted me nearly as much as a money tree.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: mindyourmanners on February 17, 2007, 10:56:30 PM
Long time lurker and first posting attempt, but I felt compelled to say something about this.

I absolutely agree that guests of ANY event should be gracious and not comment on things that occur that may not reflect the guest's personal tastes but the tastes of the host/hostess.  This is doubly true for a wedding.

Secondly, it was completely inappropriate for the OP to leave a snarky note for the bride and to make such rude commentary on the bridal parties' choice of attire.

However, I do take issue with holding celebratory events (such as weddings) in cemeteries.  Cemeteries, by their very nature, are places for families to mourn the loss of loved ones, to provide a final resting place for those we have lost, and are peaceful and somber so that quiet reflection and mourning can occur.  They are not meant to be used by those who are fascinated by death/the macabre/other "dark fantasy" ideas as a backdrop for a theme wedding.  To use such a emotional (and not good emotion, most people interring a loved one are grieving, angry, depressed, etc.) disrespects the dead and more importantly, disrespects the families that would likely object quite strenuously to having their loved ones gravesite used as a wedding location for strangers.  It's almost as if part of the fun of the wedding is enjoying the loss that a cemetery represents for many people.  I for one would be very upset at any cemetery that would allow such an event to occur, especially at the site of one of my family members. 

I know this is an unpopular opinion, and yes, death isn't the end, and yes, we should celebrate life, but it still strikes me as disrespectful and, frankly, innappropriate.  I apologize in advance if I have offended but I simply had to say what I had to say.

I'm with you about the Cemetary thing.... it just seems disrespectful of the dead and their loved ones.

BUT... the rest... uh uh. Okay we shouldn't comment on the particulars TO the bride but
This is what we DO.
We come here and criticize the way people dress, plan or lack there of their celebrations, how they conduct themselves etc... We most definitely judge to say we don't is just crazy.

Now I do think it was rather rude to leave a NOTE like that.
I mean I personally would fake a headache and tell my bf time to go.
Then later rip him a new one for putting me in that situation.
Did he not know her at all?
Did he really think she would be comfortable at such an event?
I mean ..if anything I really do blame him more than anyone else.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: twinkletoes on February 18, 2007, 03:27:16 PM
A few of you have mentioned that maybe the boyfriend should have "warned" the letter-writer as to what the wedding would entail (e.g., "Tom and Susie's wedding will be unlike anything you've ever seen.  Trust me.").

I don't.  He's presumably a friend of the happy couple and knows what they do.  In all honesty, he probably thought "they're big on the Goth scene, so they'll probably have a Goth wedding" and didn't think beyond that, and why should he?  I guess it would rather be like me telling my husband "oh, Joe and Kelly are Lutheran, so the wedding will be a Lutheran service.  Just so you know."  Sounds ridiculous, right?  I don't do that, and why should I?  I trust my husband enough not to make a scene and scream about how things are being done in the wedding.

Although, if the writer was that uncomfortable, she should have faked a headache or said something to her boyfriend and tried to leave.  It would have been much more polite for her to leave early than to sit around and leave a nasty note for the bride and groom.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: RoseRose on February 18, 2007, 09:30:22 PM
A few of you have mentioned that maybe the boyfriend should have "warned" the letter-writer as to what the wedding would entail (e.g., "Tom and Susie's wedding will be unlike anything you've ever seen.  Trust me.").

I don't.  He's presumably a friend of the happy couple and knows what they do.  In all honesty, he probably thought "they're big on the Goth scene, so they'll probably have a Goth wedding" and didn't think beyond that, and why should he?  I guess it would rather be like me telling my husband "oh, Joe and Kelly are Lutheran, so the wedding will be a Lutheran service.  Just so you know."  Sounds ridiculous, right?  I don't do that, and why should I?  I trust my husband enough not to make a scene and scream about how things are being done in the wedding.

Although, if the writer was that uncomfortable, she should have faked a headache or said something to her boyfriend and tried to leave.  It would have been much more polite for her to leave early than to sit around and leave a nasty note for the bride and groom.

Actually, I'd appreciate knowing if it would be any different than what I'm used to.  Like, if it was a Catholic wedding with a Catholic Mass... I've never been to a church service in my life.  I'm Jewish, and just never had a reason to go.  So... a heads up that it would be different would be APPRECIATED by me- so I could make sure to wear my black boots to the Goth wedding.  I'd appreciate knowing what to expect, so I'd know what to wear.  If there's anything uncommon, or something I wouldn't think to expect going to happen, it isn't necessary, but it's nice to have advanced warning.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Vanity Fair on May 01, 2007, 06:07:17 PM
 :o  Wow!  It was unconventional ... SO WHAT?  Some people are extremely ignorant!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Sibby on May 02, 2007, 03:20:03 PM

Actually, I'd appreciate knowing if it would be any different than what I'm used to.  Like, if it was a Catholic wedding with a Catholic Mass... I've never been to a church service in my life.  I'm Jewish, and just never had a reason to go.  So... a heads up that it would be different would be APPRECIATED by me- so I could make sure to wear my black boots to the Goth wedding.  I'd appreciate knowing what to expect, so I'd know what to wear.  If there's anything uncommon, or something I wouldn't think to expect going to happen, it isn't necessary, but it's nice to have advanced warning.

But then again a normal person would ask.  If you were invited to a wedding wouldn't you casually ask the date time & place?  And then upon hearing it's at a Catholic Church you might ask more questions.  The writer went to a midnight wedding for goodness sake and didn't know what to expect?  I can forgive the man for not saying anything, because every man I've ever known is just not forthcomming like that, but I can't imagine if I were invited to a midnight wedding of a couple I didn't know (heck any wedding of a couple I didn't know!) not asking a few basic questions like "what is the formality of the wedding, what should I wear?"  etc.

For the record, I think the goth wedding sounds lovely and I think I would have enjoyed it very much.  It's not something I would ever consider doing myself, but I would be thrilled to be invited to something so personal and unique!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: RoseRose on May 02, 2007, 10:04:06 PM

Actually, I'd appreciate knowing if it would be any different than what I'm used to.  Like, if it was a Catholic wedding with a Catholic Mass... I've never been to a church service in my life.  I'm Jewish, and just never had a reason to go.  So... a heads up that it would be different would be APPRECIATED by me- so I could make sure to wear my black boots to the Goth wedding.  I'd appreciate knowing what to expect, so I'd know what to wear.  If there's anything uncommon, or something I wouldn't think to expect going to happen, it isn't necessary, but it's nice to have advanced warning.

But then again a normal person would ask.  If you were invited to a wedding wouldn't you casually ask the date time & place?  And then upon hearing it's at a Catholic Church you might ask more questions.  The writer went to a midnight wedding for goodness sake and didn't know what to expect?  I can forgive the man for not saying anything, because every man I've ever known is just not forthcomming like that, but I can't imagine if I were invited to a midnight wedding of a couple I didn't know (heck any wedding of a couple I didn't know!) not asking a few basic questions like "what is the formality of the wedding, what should I wear?"  etc.

For the record, I think the goth wedding sounds lovely and I think I would have enjoyed it very much.  It's not something I would ever consider doing myself, but I would be thrilled to be invited to something so personal and unique!

You're right... I just haven't been to a wedding since I was four (I was the flowergirl at the wedding of the last of my uncles to get married), so I didn't think of that part.

I think I would also have enjoyed the wedding described, it sounds wonderful.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: punkinhead on May 03, 2007, 12:59:42 PM
Most of the guests wore black. Some even had black hair and makeup.

Wow. I had no idea that I and my black hair have been a faux pas at every wedding I have attended.  Including my own, apparently.  Perhaps those of us with darker shades are expected to wear wigs?

I'd better not even get into my mostly black wardrobe.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Asharah on May 03, 2007, 10:43:59 PM
Asharah's comments are in red
It's kind of long, but this story may even qualify as Faux Pas Of the Year, instead of just "Weddings From Hell". Talk about delusions of grandeur! Although dubbing it "From Hell" would certainly be appropriate. A couple of years ago I was dating a guy named Tay, and he told me that some friends of his that I didn't know were getting married, but they'd invited him "and guest" so would I like to be his date? He'd take care of the gift, since I didn't know the couple. He said I'd find them somewhat strange, but how strange could a wedding be, I thought. (DUN DUN DUNNNNN.... ominous music) I said I'd be delighted to go. Big mistake. You did have the option of asking for more specific of what "strange" meant.

It wasn't just a tacky wedding. EVERYTHING about the wedding was downright HORRIFIC. One disaster after another. I shudder to think about it even now. To start off, the wedding was held outdoors. In the dead of night. On a full moon. In front of a CEMETERY. AAAAAHHHH! There were even no decorations in the wedding area. The closest thing there was the flowers scattered throughout the cemetery. Most of the guests wore black. Some even had black hair and makeup. Even male guests. I couldn't believe it. And one woman wore a floor-length (or ground-length, I suppose) white gown. Okay, wearing white to someone elses wedding might be considered inappropriate, but if the bride isn't wearing white, is it considered a faux pas? Another guest was carrying a cat, another was carrying a SNAKE..... you get the idea. I LOVE SNAKES! Although my brother's would be too big to carry!

The bride and groom had hired a string quartet, they were dressed all in BLACK LEATHER and didn't play anything that wasn't in a minor key. Even the "here comes the bride" music sounded like a dirge. Okay, that might have been a bit of a downer! But to each his own.

The wedding party, that's where I finally admitted to myself it wasn't going to improve. There were two male and two female groom's attendants, and two male and two female bride's attendants, too. There was NO clear MOH or BM. SO! The groom's attendants all wore purple shirts and black pants, purple lipstick and black eye makeup and white face paint, and carried one white candle. The bride's attendants all wore white shirts and black pants, black lipstick and eye makeup and white face paint, and carried one purple candle. No flowers, pants on the female attendants, and makeup on the male attendants. At least they all matched! It's SO HARD to get some bridal attendants to agree on the same outfit! And since it was a nightime outdoor cemetary, I think candles were probably better than flowers!

THEN came the couple. The groom wore leather pants and boots, and a white, open-necked shirt. In any other setting, that shirt may have been nice, if a bit nineteenth-century. Needless to say, it may have been the highlight of the event. Anyway, he was wearing a LEATHER COLLAR, five earrings, and an eyebrow ring, and the same makeup as his attendants, and his hair was purple to match it, his attendants, and the bride's attendants' candles. And the bride's gown. YEAH! COLOR COORDINATION!

The bride... where do I begin? She was about a foot taller than the groom, So she should have married a basketball player instead? she wore white face paint and black lipstick and eye makeup that swirled onto her temples and cheekbones. And combat boots. Did she keep them on for the wedding night?  ;D No veil, no train, no flowers, nothing. Her gown showed off her arms, back, and some of her legs above her boots. It also showed off the tattoos she had all over those parts of her body. Do you know how much a good tattoo costs? You can hardly blame her for showing them off! Her (black) hair was pulled back to show off the seven rings in each ear.

I don't know who told these people that this was acceptable at a wedding. The pastor was old, he looked about five minutes away from disintegration. The blessing was unbelievable, he said the most appallingly inappropriate things, like how in just a few short decades they would be buried here in this cemetery, side by side, six feet under, in matching coffins, rotting together for all eternity. Okay, that might have made me a little nauseous too! I remember that part word for word because it was in the Addams family. I thought I was going to be sick. (Not at the imagery, but at the fact that it was being said as nuptials.)

I only stayed because I wasn't sure I wanted to be seen leaving early by these people. Needless to say, I spent most of the ceremony reconsidering dating anybody who'd have that type as friends. How fortunate for poor Tay!

We all had to walk to the reception which was at a big old house three blocks away from the ceremony. The leather string quartet came with us to provide music there, much to my dismay.

It didn't get better away from the cemetery. The house was dimly lit and full of cobwebs. There was no champagne, instead they had a lot of red wine to drink and toast with. (http://bestsmileys.com/drinking/10.gif) Hey I like red wine! I didn't recognize a single one of the dishes in the buffet, and a lot of them were cold. There was no planned seating arrangement, they barely had tables. A lot of people had to just stand around holding their plates in one hand, with their wine glass on a nearby sideboard. Or else sit on a sofa with their plates in their lap. Tay managed to get us seats at a table, but then I had to work to avoid making eye contact with anybody.

Since there was no best man, nobody made a speech, YAY! and most of the guests who tried to dance didn't have partners. Hey, most of the parties I go to, only the girls dance anyway! All the gifts had been given earlier, and they were on display on a table. Not a one of them was an appropriate wedding gift. I guess they didn't register at Macy's! Maybe they already had a full set of china, siver and crystal! Only one person had even given money, and HE had folded a check up and put it in a puzzle box. My brother got those for our nieces for Xmas one year. I guess he figured if they get $100, they should work for it!  ;D  Tay pointed out the gift with the tag that said "From Tay and [my name]". It was a pair of hip flasks, one with a dragon on it, the other with a skull and crossbones. Where can I get my own?

So I wrote two notes, one saying they should be disgusted at what they're doing to the tradition of marriage, and another breaking up with Tay, and then went to the bathroom and climbed out the window. TALK ABOUT MELODRAMATIC! Needless to say, I've been screening my calls ever since.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: artk2002 on May 03, 2007, 11:22:49 PM
What a sad, sad person.  A life so narrow, so prescribed by what must be that she can't appreciate the amazing variety in our fellow beings.

Hell is truly of our own making.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: dings on May 04, 2007, 05:30:26 PM
I think a wedding in a cemtery at night seems kind of cool, actually.   >:D
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Clara Bow on May 06, 2007, 12:58:50 AM
I have to drop in with my two cents about the cemetary thing.
I'm a cemetary person, the older the better. And many of my relatives are buried in cemetaries (as opposed to a home burial, or cremation). I have spent a great deal of time strolling through cemetaries, reading the headstones and pondering.
I would be utterly charmed if I saw a wedding taking place near the gravesite of a loved one. Life is a circle (personal belief) and joy doesn't stop when one dies....I'd like to see someone celebrating life in a place where people are placed at the end of life. It seems oddly fitting to me. I don't believe in endings anyway...but that's me.
I'd be peeved if the wedding party and/or guests were littering on the grounds, or being loud and raucous, but beyond that I think that there's nothing wrong with it. Some visit the dead, others include them.
Again, this is all me personally, and not meant as a flame or a slam against those who are offended by the idea of using a cemetary for weddings....just my viewpoint, and a small point from the other side.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: BethanyAnne on July 12, 2007, 08:05:50 AM
Wow, somebody is extremely superficial and self-involved. Just because it's not your cup of tea doesn't make it horrible. Grow up. Who are you to judge someone else's wedding just because it's not your lifestyle?
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: housewife2k on July 12, 2007, 12:12:56 PM
I jest re-read the OP, and realized, the wedding wasn't in the cemetary, it was in front of the cemetary. They were not in the actual cemetary, just using it as a backdrop.
In my first wedding, ExHub wore a leather blazer, velvet pants, and button up shirt. I wore a six panel dress in crimson and black.
When Hubby and I got married, it was a ten dollar sundress, once again in black and red. The colors look good on me.
I would have been so thrilled to get the flasks or the puzzlebox described in the OP for gifts. They sound awesome, and since Hubby already has three nifty flasks, and my custom flask was stolen, it would be even more awesome.
It's a good thing to know that whoever submitted this to Ms Jeanne finds anything different to be a faux pas!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: aventurine on July 12, 2007, 07:43:01 PM

So I wrote two notes, one saying they should be disgusted at what they're doing to the tradition of marriage


Every time I read this foolishness, I wonder exactly what she thought they were "doing to the tradition of marriage."  It always amuses me when people confuse a wedding with a marriage. 

Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: LadyDyani on July 13, 2007, 09:07:15 AM
What killed me is that she actually thought her actions would be condoned on an etiquette website.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: hollasa on July 13, 2007, 11:47:36 AM
Does anyone else have the feeling that her note to the bride and groom will probably be one of their treasured memories from the wedding?

You know, our wedding was so non-traditional, that we even had one guest (who we didn't know) run away, using the bathroom window, after leaving us a rude and panicked note?
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Gwywnnydd on July 13, 2007, 02:48:52 PM
Does anyone else have the feeling that her note to the bride and groom will probably be one of their treasured memories from the wedding?

You know, our wedding was so non-traditional, that we even had one guest (who we didn't know) run away, using the bathroom window, after leaving us a rude and panicked note?

Actually, the bride from this story *did* come on the old forum, and post her side of the story.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: RuneGuardian on July 13, 2007, 03:06:33 PM
I think my eyes lit up when I read the original Goth-wedding story. Since I've got the stupid, I have always been under the impression that weddings could ONLY be the traditional white gown, flowers, rings, church, party-that-costs-a-small-fortune ordeal. I only learned a couple years ago that this doesn't always need to be the case. And I was even more thrilled to hear that people could have a Goth-themed ceremony - although I would not consider myself gothic, the style is far more befitting to my tastes than the 'traditional' style. I don't care what anyone says - BF would look good in black make-up, a 'poet' shirt and a black corset (getting him to wear it would be another story entirely  ;D)

All I can say is big kudos to the people who aren't afraid to think outside the box in all aspects.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: blue2000 on July 13, 2007, 03:47:52 PM
I think my eyes lit up when I read the original Goth-wedding story. Since I've got the stupid, I have always been under the impression that weddings could ONLY be the traditional white gown, flowers, rings, church, party-that-costs-a-small-fortune ordeal. I only learned a couple years ago that this doesn't always need to be the case. And I was even more thrilled to hear that people could have a Goth-themed ceremony - although I would not consider myself gothic, the style is far more befitting to my tastes than the 'traditional' style. I don't care what anyone says - BF would look good in black make-up, a 'poet' shirt and a black corset (getting him to wear it would be another story entirely  ;D)

All I can say is big kudos to the people who aren't afraid to think outside the box in all aspects.

Hmm, I'm not goth, but I'd have to agree with you. A non-tradidtional wedding with the groom in a nice 'billowy' shirt and black leather pants sounds kind of nice. I wouldn't go for having the wedding IN the cemetary, but this one was apparently just outside, which is fine with me.

A bit of a hijack, but I wanted to share a lovely, lovely conversation I had last night with DBF about this post.
<snip>
I told him I wouldn't want a wedding like that myself, though he probably would. 

And he said, "Well, if we ever get handfasted or anything like that, we'd probably do it in the woods, right?"

***melt***   ;D

Lots of happy conversation and cuddles ensued.  Neither one of us wants to get remarried, but we both kind of get giddy at the idea of talking about spending the rest of our lives together.  And I really wanted to share with all of you how your thoughtful and sensitive discussion of this post helped contribute to a lovely romantic moment for me.  :)

Aww!! <sniff> That's so sweet!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: MiladyOak on July 15, 2007, 09:43:56 PM
"The pastor was old, he looked about five minutes away from disintegration." Ok, so being old is a paux pas now? That line really made me laugh!
Personally, a cemetery wedding sounds wonderful to me. I am also a cemetery person. I love them, especially the older ones with lots of presence. I know all the people I have lost would get a kick out of having a wedding over thier resting places, as would I. A cemetery wedding makes sort of a sweet contrast to me. But, I do understand where some people would find it offensive to find a wedding where they have gone to grieve.

The op in this case was a real piece of work. This wedding and reception sounded incredible! I would have loved to have been there. My husband and I originally wanted something similar, but we really wanted our families there as well, so... *shrugs*
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Asharah on July 22, 2007, 12:30:41 AM
If one of my sister's kids wanted a wedding like that, I would dig out something tasteful in black and remind them to bring a chair for their 88 year old grandmother so she doesn't have to stand. The good news is, we're in Baltimore, so we can use Druid Ridge Cemetery. But Black Aggie isn't there any more! DRAT!
http://www.prairieghosts.com/druidridge.html
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: MyFamily on July 23, 2007, 02:33:14 PM
The line that always got me about this story is that she is now screening her calls...I'm just dying to know - how many times did Tay call her after this wedding?  Is he like stalking her?  Or maybe the guests are stalking her?  Seriously, I'm really want to know!  I can just imagine it, every caller that doesn't leave a message "oh, that was the one who pierced their tongue and wore the dog collar, I just know it"; "there's Tay calling me again - what makes him think I'd ever talk to him again"
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: vlfriscia on July 24, 2007, 04:16:21 PM
[Apologies, folks:  I mistook KeenReader for the poster when in fact he/she was only reposting.  My comments are intended of course for the original poster!  Signed, Ima Newbie]

Sorry, KeenReader, but I think the most horrific thing about this wedding was YOU.  Where is your sense of humor?  Of theatrics?  Of personal taste and freedom to indulge that taste?  And why on earth didn't you ask former BF just exactly what he meant by "strange", if only so you would know what to wear?  Was a midnight wedding outside a cemetery not tipoff enough?

Although you may have found the wedding "horrific", it appears you were the only one who felt that way.  You were in the minority, in other words, and in no position to inflict your personal opinion on people who were celebrating their union in a way that was meaningful to them.  They didn't ask that you share their views or their tastes, or that you bite the heads off bats or chickens, or drink babies' blood at the reception.  If you felt that uncomfortable, you should have had Tay take you home.  But then HE would have missed the wedding, and how fair is that?  Use your cell phone and call a taxi; that's what I would have done.

I wish someone would invite me to a wedding like this!  It would be something to talk about for many years.  Sure, the bride and groom may rethink the tattoos and the studded dog collar when they are celebrating their 25th, but they are entitled to bless their union in any way they see fit (legally, of course) and who the hell are you to criticize?

I don't think you have to worry about Tay burning up the phone lines to call you, so you can relax.  LOL  I am sure the wedding party has had a few laughs at your incredibly juvenile behavior.  A nasty note in the bride's bouquet indeed.  You need to expand your horizons, educate yourself, learn some manners and grow up.  It's not all about you and your tastes and your upbringing.  No one cares!  You should be ashamed that these people invited you to witness their happiest moments and you acted like a spoiled brat.


Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Gwywnnydd on July 24, 2007, 04:24:01 PM
Sorry, KeenReader, but I think the most horrific thing about this wedding was YOU. 

Umm, you *do* realize that KeenReader was simply re-posting a story from the website, right?

It can be found about midway down the page, here:
http://www.etiquettehell.com/content/eh_wedding/weddingsfhell/weddingfromhell2003-1arc.shtml
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: bms2000 on July 24, 2007, 08:45:36 PM
It is also wrong for women to be tall as well. Apparently the bride should have cut off her legs so she wouldn't be taller than the groom.

Get out the chainsaw then. I'm 5'8", and DH is 5'2". At the end of the ceremony, I stepped down one step on the altar so he could kiss me.  :D
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Asharah on July 24, 2007, 08:54:14 PM
It is also wrong for women to be tall as well. Apparently the bride should have cut off her legs so she wouldn't be taller than the groom.

Get out the chainsaw then. I'm 5'8", and DH is 5'2". At the end of the ceremony, I stepped down one step on the altar so he could kiss me.  :D
I remember Little House On The Prairie on TV, when Nellie married Percival, who was shorter than she was.
Mrs. Olsen:You can't be in love with him! He's too short!
Nellie: I'm too tall!
Mrs. Olsen: That's your father's fault. His side of the family is tall.
Mr. Olsen: True, your side of the family is just fat.
 ;D
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: dings on July 25, 2007, 02:31:00 PM
It is also wrong for women to be tall as well. Apparently the bride should have cut off her legs so she wouldn't be taller than the groom.

Get out the chainsaw then. I'm 5'8", and DH is 5'2". At the end of the ceremony, I stepped down one step on the altar so he could kiss me.  :D

I am 5'11", bf is 5'7." To heck with "convention"!  :)
Title: Inconsistencies
Post by: spooon on October 06, 2007, 03:46:32 AM
All italics added.  All upper-case emphasis in originals.

Original post:
In front of a CEMETERY.

Follow-up:
we were in a cemetery!


Original post:
Tay managed to get us seats at a table, but then I had to work to avoid making eye contact with anybody.

Follow-up:
So this stranger is accepting our hospitality whilst yipping to a LOT of our close friends about how "nasty" and "uncouth" we were. Even her Boyfriend was embarrassed by her behavior. She went off about our choice of a cold buffet (although we had a seafood bar (!) ), and refused to sit with any of our friends-- "T" actually went and set up a table for her, and her alone.


Original post:
No veil, no train, no flowers, nothing.  Her gown showed off her arms, back, and some of her legs above her boots.

Follow-up:
I had a long dress, and chose to wear comfy shoes as opposed to new ones...
As a final indignity, this girl left a note IN MY BOUQUET


Original:
So I wrote two notes, one saying they should be disgusted at what they're doing to the tradition of marriage, and another breaking up with Tay

Follow-up:
this girl left a note IN MY BOUQUET, written on tissue, accusing me of making a mockery of marriage, and telling ME, the bride, to tell "T" that she didn't want to see him anymore!


Original:
[The groom] was wearing a LEATHER COLLAR, five earrings, and an eyebrow ring
[The bride's] (black) hair was pulled back to show off the seven rings in each ear.

Follow-up:
I am quite pierced, and, in fact, have several tattoos. But what the heck? Do my browrings somehow nullify the wedding ring?
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Nightibis on October 06, 2007, 10:15:53 AM
This sure looks like an exercise in creative writing, but I'll throw my two cents (OK, it's a long post, more like twenty-five cents) in as well.

I think the boyfriend meant to prank her.  He warned her that she'd "find them strange", but didn't bother quantifying in what manner.  I'm guessing she never saw the invitation, which would have stated the location and been in the goth style as well, giving her a head's up on what to expect.  She very well may have thought she was going to attend an ultra sheik affair (some of which start quite late) and ends up in front of a cemetery.   At midnight.  With all these strangely clothed and makeuped people, none of whom she knew.  Though she doesn't state it, dressed to the nines - looking (and feeling) completely out of place with the rest of the guests.

At the reception I bet she was extremely uncomfortable by the strangeness of the location and the very late hour didn't help.  Her not recognizing any of the dishes, emphasizing that they only had red wine to drink, and her fear of making eye contact makes me wonder if she didn't think (or the creative writer wanted us to think) she was in a room full of vampires.   So how does she bravely cope with her fear?  By focusing on what she finds "normal" hemlines and makeup. 

She didn't leave a note, let alone two.  What would she have written them on?  More to the point what would she have written them with, her lipstick?  Better yet, where?  In the bathroom before her "escape", or at the table where she was desperately trying to be inconspicuous?  She never states how she delivered them.  She's so afraid of them that she doesn't want them to see her leave, but she's bold enough to flounce around the room delivering notes?

She took the opportunity at Etiquette Hell to change her perception of the evening from one of fear to one where she was so in control that she could calmly critique the event.  If this event took place at all, which I doubt. 

Seriously, ask yourself, even if she could climb through a window wearing a formal evening gown, how did she get home? 
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Kendo_Bunny on October 07, 2007, 02:11:00 AM
If I were the bride, I think I would've asked 'Tay' why he brought that girl. She sounds like a real piece of work.

That being said, I like non-traditional weddings. My sister had a semi-mideval service in the backyard: they were already legally married, they were just doing a ceremony for the family. The unity candle was set on the birdbath, and the buffet meal was cooked mostly by me- the only attendant of any kind.

My best friend's wedding was also semi-mideval. The bride wore a blue velvet gown like Eowyn's sheild maiden dress from LoTR (no veil, instead she had a chain headdress), her sister wore red velvet with a bodice, and I wore green velvet with a sash- instead of bouquets, we had glass goblets with candles in them, trimmed with honeysuckle. The groom wore all-black swashbuckling get-up, and all the men in the party carried swords (my father's). My sister dressed up in gypsy maiden gear, complete with muffin hat, and served the food. Definitely not your standard service, but everyone commented on how unusual and pretty it was.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: LJM on October 07, 2007, 02:48:21 PM
I am 5'11", bf is 5'7." To heck with "convention"!  :)

Well, the "convention" is just leftover baggage from a time when the man was supposed to be taller, better educated, physically stronger, make more money, be more authoritative, and in every conceivable way give the aura of being the one "in charge" of the marriage.  :P

In a more enlightened world where marriage is seen as a partnership between equals, who does or does not have which symbol of power shouldn't matter anymore. Both are on the same team, after all  ;)
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Tagy on October 10, 2007, 05:56:45 PM
No flowers, pants on the female attendants, and makeup on the male attendants.


Goodness, the first time I read over this I thought that the female attendants weren't wearing pants! LOL

It actually sounds like it was a pretty cool and interesting affair.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Shortcake on October 11, 2007, 10:16:48 AM
No flowers, pants on the female attendants, and makeup on the male attendants.


Goodness, the first time I read over this I thought that the female attendants weren't wearing pants! LOLIt actually sounds like it was a pretty cool and interesting affair.

That would make the affair pretty interesting!  :D

For me, as long as no one is hurt and folks are behaving in a considerate way (and not doing anything I am morally against, I enjoy attending affairs that are "out of my confort zone."
I learn so many interesting things that way!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Nandy Pandy on October 18, 2007, 10:03:34 PM
Haha, I had to read that section twice before realizing that she was disgusted at the lack of flowers, as well as the pants on the women, not that there was a lack of both flowers and pants.

I think that the OP was more rude than the couple she was talking about. Yes, it was a little out of the ordinary for a wedding, but she was not treated rudely or made to feel out of place by any of the guests or the hosts. I wonder what kind of Bridezilla she will be if someone decides to marry her!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Mrs. Eclipse on October 22, 2007, 12:37:43 PM
Haha, I had to read that section twice before realizing that she was disgusted at the lack of flowers, as well as the pants on the women, not that there was a lack of both flowers and pants.

I think that the OP was more rude than the couple she was talking about. Yes, it was a little out of the ordinary for a wedding, but she was not treated rudely or made to feel out of place by any of the guests or the hosts. I wonder what kind of Bridezilla she will be if someone decides to marry her!

I like the way you use the qualifier 'if.'
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: tmmkitten on October 22, 2007, 07:20:49 PM
i remember reading this a while back and being mad at how entitled and mean the writer was being at assuming the personal touches and alternative ideas were a  "mockery to marriage." 
since when does a bride and groom have to dress a certain way. an oh my goodness! they didn't do their wedding the way you wanted them to! well, send me down to etiquettehell too for not doing the extravagant, poofy, fake wedding you feel is necessary in order forthat event to be considered a "proper" wedding.

ugh, some people.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: nliedel on October 26, 2007, 02:53:50 PM
Your wedding, your life, your rules. If someone finds a wedding tacky, imo, they need to be quiet and gracious guests. No, it's not the wedding of my dreams, but it's not my wedding and I would be honored to have been invited.

HARUMPH!!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Kate on October 28, 2007, 12:04:12 AM
Your wedding, your life, your rules. If someone finds a wedding tacky, imo, they need to be quiet and gracious guests. No, it's not the wedding of my dreams, but it's not my wedding and I would be honored to have been invited.

HARUMPH!!
IMO if a person feels that the way a particular wedding is being conducted is offensive to their standards of decency , ie they see marriage as a holy or sacred thing, they could leave quietly, not be rude or make a scene about it.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: bionelly on November 16, 2007, 03:32:50 AM
CRUD MONKEYS!!!! I wonder what the OP would have thought of my wedding?  Keep in mind that it was pretty much as "traditional" as we could afford...
There were even no decorations in the wedding area.
We had very few decorations, just a couple of bouquets near the altar.
Most of the guests wore black.
Heck, my entire wedding party (except for me) wore black!  I thought the black-and-white look was very elegant, and since my wedding party was small enough I didn't have to worry about people matching, they were able to use things they already had instead of buying something special.  (I didn't really like the idea of telling somebody else what they had to buy for my wedding anyway.)
Some even had black hair and makeup.
I'm sure we had at least a few people with black hair, and even mine can look black in certain lights.  So sorry I didn't bleach it for the ceremony, or ask my guests to do so! 
There was NO clear MOH or BM.
I guess we did have a clear MOH and BM, but only because there was only one attendant on each side!
The pastor was old, he looked about five minutes away from disintegration.
Our wedding was the last our pastor did before retiring.  I wasn't aware that having an elderly pastor was a faux pas.
There was no champagne, instead they had a lot of red wine to drink and toast with.
No champagne for us, either.  We didn't even have wine because:
1. I was not of legal drinking age,
2. The place where we had our reception prohibited it, and
3. We realized most of our guests (and ourselves) would be making long drives immediately afterward, and didn't want to take any risks with drunk driving.
There was no planned seating arrangement, they barely had tables.
I'm not sure I've ever been to a wedding with a strictly planned seating arrangement for those not actually in the wedding party.

Anyway, the point is, it seems like the OP would manage to find something wrong with pretty much any wedding, even one where the participants made an active effort to be traditional!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: cashew on November 18, 2007, 10:03:11 PM
Noob to the forums, but I had to throw in my two cents. I agree with everyone who's posted about the truly shocking rudeness of this submitter; however, I disagree with the comments that a cemetery wedding would be totally inappropriate/offensive/what-have-you. In cities, people quite frequently have lunch or go for a stroll in church graveyards (my mother used to eat her lunch almost every day on a bench in St. Nick's in Aberdeen when she was young, and I've often seen people having a bite or lounging around in the many tiny cemeteries dotting Manhattan), as otherwise they'd be something of a shocking waste of space in an urban environment. Yes, people are buried there, yes, it's "sacred ground" if you're religious, and yes, you should be respectful, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to enter unless you're just going to sit solemnly and think about the dead. While I'm not sure having a birthday party would be very respectful, a marriage is a "sacred" religious ceremony, so I think it's perfectly fine. Besides, married in the church next to the graveyard or just married next to the graveyard without the church.. I don't see a big difference. And I certainly don't think most people consider "proximity to human remains" when considering their wedding revenue (how many churches that hold weddings also contain crypts or other burials within the church, I wonder?).

Besides, as someone else pointed out, I don't think the dead mind. Hell, if they're still stuck hanging about the graveyard, I'd think they'd welcome a bit of activity now and then, especially something a bit more upbeat than a funeral.

Other than that, I'm kind of stunned that someone who obviously visits (or has visited the site) would be able to pen this stream of bile and not realise that she was the one 100% in the wrong. Perhaps she didn't bother to actually read anything and assumed this was just a place for complaining about "trashy" weddings? Because giving a bride a note telling her how horrible her entire wedding is at the reception has to rank pretty highly on the list of "Assuming that other people welcome your opinion on their personal lives and will suddenly repent their ways and see the light after hearing your keen, insightful criticisms" category of etiquette breaches. Nevermind her grievous error of confusing etiquette with simply upholding tradition for tradition's sake.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Lisbeth on November 18, 2007, 10:10:28 PM
Cashew,

Welcome to the forum.

I agree that the poster of the original website story was wrong to leave that note and then sneak away, but I disagree with you about the appropriateness of a cemetery as a wedding venue.

Regardless of whether or not the deceased mind, wedding ceremonies are about the future lives of the couple together, not about their deaths or about the deceased who are buried in the cemetery.  I would not find a visit to the cemetery in close proximity to the wedding date macabre, but I would find that holding the ceremony there would be.

There have been several threads in this forum about how prominent mentions of deceased loved ones, or of death itself, should be at weddings and in wedding correspondence, and I think the general consensus, and etiquette itself, is that one's wedding is not a memorial service and that while mentions of the deceased in a wedding program, or a discreet tribute such as leaving a picture or memento of the deceased at the altar, are acceptable, overdoing mention of the deceased or death itself is not.
Title: Re: Inconsistencies
Post by: Crazy Chicken Lady on November 21, 2007, 11:09:26 AM
Original:
So I wrote two notes, one saying they should be disgusted at what they're doing to the tradition of marriage, and another breaking up with Tay

Follow-up:
this girl left a note IN MY BOUQUET, written on tissue, accusing me of making a mockery of marriage, and telling ME, the bride, to tell "T" that she didn't want to see him anymore!



CRUD MONKEYS!!!! She left a breakup note in your bouquet-that's horrible.  Just curious-what happened to Tay?  Hopefully he found a more sane person.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: artk2002 on November 21, 2007, 11:50:05 AM
I agree that the poster of the original website story was wrong to leave that note and then sneak away, but I disagree with you about the appropriateness of a cemetery as a wedding venue.

Regardless of whether or not the deceased mind, wedding ceremonies are about the future lives of the couple together, not about their deaths or about the deceased who are buried in the cemetery.  I would not find a visit to the cemetery in close proximity to the wedding date macabre, but I would find that holding the ceremony there would be.

There have been several threads in this forum about how prominent mentions of deceased loved ones, or of death itself, should be at weddings and in wedding correspondence, and I think the general consensus, and etiquette itself, is that one's wedding is not a memorial service and that while mentions of the deceased in a wedding program, or a discreet tribute such as leaving a picture or memento of the deceased at the altar, are acceptable, overdoing mention of the deceased or death itself is not.

We'll have to tell Forest Lawn cemeteries and mortuaries (http://www.forestlawn.com/Visitors-Guide/Index.asp) that their business of holding weddings is offensive, then.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Lisbeth on November 22, 2007, 05:29:22 PM
I agree that the poster of the original website story was wrong to leave that note and then sneak away, but I disagree with you about the appropriateness of a cemetery as a wedding venue.

Regardless of whether or not the deceased mind, wedding ceremonies are about the future lives of the couple together, not about their deaths or about the deceased who are buried in the cemetery.  I would not find a visit to the cemetery in close proximity to the wedding date macabre, but I would find that holding the ceremony there would be.

There have been several threads in this forum about how prominent mentions of deceased loved ones, or of death itself, should be at weddings and in wedding correspondence, and I think the general consensus, and etiquette itself, is that one's wedding is not a memorial service and that while mentions of the deceased in a wedding program, or a discreet tribute such as leaving a picture or memento of the deceased at the altar, are acceptable, overdoing mention of the deceased or death itself is not.

We'll have to tell Forest Lawn cemeteries and mortuaries (http://www.forestlawn.com/Visitors-Guide/Index.asp) that their business of holding weddings is offensive, then.

I guess...one of their cemeteries is located near my house.

Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Ciarrai on November 30, 2007, 02:22:37 AM
She didn't leave a note, let alone two.  What would she have written them on?  More to the point what would she have written them with, her lipstick? 

Am I the only one who carries pens and paper around in her handbag?
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Shortcake on November 30, 2007, 08:56:25 AM
She didn't leave a note, let alone two.  What would she have written them on?  More to the point what would she have written them with, her lipstick? 

Am I the only one who carries pens and paper around in her handbag?

Nope! I carry pen & paper too.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: VorFemme on November 30, 2007, 09:04:27 AM
Depending on how big the purse is - I may have only a pen & a single pack of notepaper - although the big purse (or tote bag supplementing a small purse - the tote stays in the car) will have at least one pen (maybe six - might need a different color of ink) and more paper...........I think there are two small notebooks in the current purse and day planner & 5" x 7" legal notepad in the tote bag.............just in case I have a lot of notes to take.........
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: housewife2k on November 30, 2007, 09:37:33 AM
O often carry pen and paper in my mobile storage trunk purse. However, when I am at a wedding, or another formal/semiformal event, I generally carry a small purse/clutch. I do not have room for pen and paper in it.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Cellardoor14 on December 02, 2007, 10:55:06 AM
Just my opinion about having weddings in cemeteries.

If the cemetery itself allows you to have your wedding there, then that fine.

However,

My mother's family has a small cemetery on private land with graves dating back to the 1840s. 
It is on private land, in a rather secluded place, with appropriate signs, security, and is obviously not open to the public in any way for any reason.

You would not believe how many people have attempted to use it for various events like, music videos, film projects & raves.  One stunt even had people DIGGING (there are unmarked graves there as well.) on the property & attempting to rearrange headstones.

Even the shiny new padlocks, gates and freshly mowed grass didn't clue folks in that it was not abandoned property.

Family members have now had to remove the original fencing and put in extreme security measures.

So I'm sorry but even I hear of people having wedding in a cemetery environment, my first thought is: You did ask to use the venue, right?

Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: MrsMicah on June 29, 2008, 05:58:04 PM
I see nothing wrong with getting married how you see fit.  As such, the gal who wrote in the first one probably should be swiftly kicked in the backside for being so snarky about another's choice for a wedding.  Who's to say she's the one to judge for taste?  Other than it not being her personal choice of style, I'm not exactly seeing anything that screams bad etiquette, except the poster's attitude.  All that gal's post did was show she's snarky and really a crappy girlfriend (if she couldn't even face Tay to dump him and would dump him over his choice of friends).  Ugh.

I never did figure out why Jeanne didn't give that poster the boot into etiquette hell.

I was wondering the same thing when I reread it recently (sort-of celebrating my 1-year anniversary with a "look at what didn't go wrong" eHell binge).

It's not quite the same, but it makes me think of someone being shocked to go to a wedding in another country and find out they do it differently. Sari? SHOCK! If the groom thinks the bride looks beautiful and the bride isn't breaking any public decency laws ;) then I think the bride can wear anything from jeans and a t-shirt to goth clothes to a cathedral dress. And the check in a puzzle box was cute!

I'm also amused/saddened by her assumptions about their friends...like she'd need to screen her calls. I've never been a punk or goth, but in college I hung out with a group of punk/goth people and they weren't exactly scary. They might have been a upset about rude notes like that, but would have considered her exit good riddance. Then again, perhaps she deserves to keep screening her calls, just for being so close-minded.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Asharah on June 29, 2008, 09:18:58 PM
I see nothing wrong with getting married how you see fit.  As such, the gal who wrote in the first one probably should be swiftly kicked in the backside for being so snarky about another's choice for a wedding.  Who's to say she's the one to judge for taste?  Other than it not being her personal choice of style, I'm not exactly seeing anything that screams bad etiquette, except the poster's attitude.  All that gal's post did was show she's snarky and really a crappy girlfriend (if she couldn't even face Tay to dump him and would dump him over his choice of friends).  Ugh.

I never did figure out why Jeanne didn't give that poster the boot into etiquette hell.

I was wondering the same thing when I reread it recently (sort-of celebrating my 1-year anniversary with a "look at what didn't go wrong" eHell binge).

It's not quite the same, but it makes me think of someone being shocked to go to a wedding in another country and find out they do it differently. Sari? SHOCK! If the groom thinks the bride looks beautiful and the bride isn't breaking any public decency laws ;) then I think the bride can wear anything from jeans and a t-shirt to goth clothes to a cathedral dress. And the check in a puzzle box was cute!

I'm also amused/saddened by her assumptions about their friends...like she'd need to screen her calls. I've never been a punk or goth, but in college I hung out with a group of punk/goth people and they weren't exactly scary. They might have been a upset about rude notes like that, but would have considered her exit good riddance. Then again, perhaps she deserves to keep screening her calls, just for being so close-minded.
Did you watch the most recent season of The Amazing Race? Kint & Vyxen, the goth couple, were one of the nicest teams on the race.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Kimblee on July 03, 2008, 07:06:19 PM
Cemetery weddings aren't so new. My grandmother was married standing beside her grandfather's stone, and she's far from a young woman.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: goblue2539 on July 03, 2008, 07:37:12 PM
Depending on how big the purse is - I may have only a pen & a single pack of notepaper - although the big purse (or tote bag supplementing a small purse - the tote stays in the car) will have at least one pen (maybe six - might need a different color of ink) and more paper...........I think there are two small notebooks in the current purse and day planner & 5" x 7" legal notepad in the tote bag.............just in case I have a lot of notes to take.........

VorFemme... I didn't know YOU were my mom! ;)
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: hannahmollysmom on July 04, 2008, 01:43:15 AM
There is a cemetary in my city with a beautiful foot bridge and fountain. Many couples have their wedding photos taken there.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Chocolate on July 04, 2008, 05:07:35 PM
What a cool wedding! Hooray for originality! I don't know if the wedding's location was inappropriate. I think that as long as they have permission and are respectful, they can do whatever they want.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: NevermoreLenore on July 07, 2008, 04:24:58 PM
With the exception of holding the wedding in a cemetery, I don't see what could possibly be taken as actually offensive....Just because you don't subscribe to the same styles as another person doesn't mean the other person is horrid. And the idea of the guest leaving a note for the bride is awful!

Also I personally find the idea of having members of both genders in both sides of the wedding party to be an awesome idea. I know I'd love to have a few of my guy friends stand up with my girl friends for me whenever I get married :)
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: VorFemme on July 26, 2008, 08:33:29 PM
Small children needing to be amused QUIETLY - letting them draw with different colored pens usually works...........it is a good idea to keep an eye on them to make sure that they are using the paper that you gave them instead of something else...........

I learned this from MY mother, the preacher's wife.  DH's mother & grandmother used Lifesavers candies as rewards for staying QUIET.  Two or three in an hour worked well......but at twenty-two, he was opening my purse to see if I had any Lifesavers in there.  He seemed to have assumed that ALL women kept peppermint Lifesavers in there. 

He started buying them so that I could keep them in my purse for him.  Oddly enough - they didn't last as long as he expected - as I would have one now and then to keep my mouth moist, my breath fresh, or just because they were THERE!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Asharah on May 16, 2009, 03:52:21 PM
Have you seen the other goth wedding posted on the blog? They have pictures.
http://www.etiquettehell.com/blog/?p=39
Quote
Ehellions know I have no kind thoughts for theme weddings that look more like theatrical productions than the serious sealing of vows a wedding ceremony is supposed to represent.   The overuse of theatrical type make-up and theatrical props to pull off this Goth wedding ceremony puts it way over the edge as one of the worst examples of “wedding theme gone bad” I’ve ever seen.   JH

Bride and gloom: Meet the happy couple behind this goth wedding
By DEBRA KILLALEA - 8th March 2008, Daily Mail

The bride was smiling and the groom looked a picture of happiness.But while this black wedding was a joyous occasion the two newylweds involved have certainly taken the phrase for better or worse to a whole new level.

Childhood sweethearts Julie Williams, 45, and Dylon Holroyd, 49, decided to tie the knot goth style, although judging by the amount of people dressed in black one could be forgiven for thinking they were attending a funeral and not a happy celebration.

Arcade worker Julie, who arrived to the nupitals in a coffin and hearse, said their wedding seemed “like the most natural thing to do.”

Julie, nicknamed Morticia by friends, walked her husband down the aisle with none other than a dog lead and said they decided to tie the knot after first meeting 27 years ago.

“We went our separate ways when we were young, married other people and had children,” she told the Mirror.

“But then we bumped into each other last year and realised we were meant to be together.

“So the first thing I did was put a dog collar around his neck and say ‘It’s taken me this long to get you, I’m not letting you escape now’.”

More than 100 guests attended the register office wedding in Wakefiled, Yorkshire, and Julie’s wedding coffin now takes pride of place as her lounge room coffee table.
I personally liked it better than the Shrek wedding.  ::)
http://www.etiquettehell.com/blog/?p=67
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Beyond The Veil on May 19, 2009, 07:56:44 PM
The Shrek wedding and this one are too adorable. Love it! The bit about the dog collar... how sweet!  :D
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Shortcake on May 20, 2009, 11:15:51 AM
The Shrek wedding and this one are too adorable. Love it! The bit about the dog collar... how sweet!  :D

ITA! Everyone looks so happy, and they seem like they are having fun!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: ChineseUmbrella on May 24, 2009, 11:37:50 AM
Oh, I was begging for someone to mention this when I first read it.

Everything about the wedding sounded perfect, what I would love to do someday... My God, the bride in this should be so proud, nothing is quite as funky and striking as a long dress with combat boots ^_^
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Asharah on May 24, 2009, 11:59:14 AM
Oh, I was begging for someone to mention this when I first read it.

Everything about the wedding sounded perfect, what I would love to do someday... My God, the bride in this should be so proud, nothing is quite as funky and striking as a long dress with combat boots ^_^
I still would love to know if she kept them on for the wedding night.  ;D
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: ChineseUmbrella on May 24, 2009, 12:01:07 PM
That strikes me as uncomfortable...

I'm sure I'm missing the implication here.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Asharah on May 24, 2009, 12:38:20 PM
That strikes me as uncomfortable...

I'm sure I'm missing the implication here.
YUP!  ;D
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: ChineseUmbrella on May 24, 2009, 01:49:23 PM
Wouldn't be the first time.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: jenny_islander on May 28, 2009, 12:40:27 AM
AFAIC a completely over-the-top theme wedding is no problem if everybody involved is having a good time (except, of course, for the ones who are determined to have a bad time no matter what).  I know of a couple who met in the Society for Creative Anachronism and got married in full SCA garb, including a set of authentically constructed steel plate armor that the groom had made himself.  He was an SCA knight, which made him her literal knight in shining armor!  They still get starry-eyed when they talk about it, 20 years later.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: loopy on June 04, 2009, 10:23:10 AM
Aside from having it in a graveyard which I think is disrespectful if it is done simply because it seems spooky or "goth" like, or just to be different, I do not see what is wrong with the wedding. Not to everyones taste, but if everyone behaved badly because they did not like or even agree with something then we would not get far. I could understand if the wedding had involved drinking blood, sacrificing a cat, or some sort of satatnic ritual, that she might feel she had to climb out of a window to escape, but for the most part it seemed a fairly ordinary yet themed wedding.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: ExiledV20 on July 14, 2009, 06:59:47 PM
That strikes me as uncomfortable...

I'm sure I'm missing the implication here.
YUP!  ;D

Oh no.
Is this a reference to the hoary Goth club greeting, "Nice boots! Wanna. ******?"
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: dandygirl23 on June 23, 2010, 08:58:17 AM
I think what bothered me the most about this story (although everything she said & how she said it bothered me) was her attitude towards everyone. She sat & refused to make eye contact, for crying out loud! It is a pet peeve of mine to judge people without even knowing who they are. She missed out on an opportunity to make more friends (sounds like a wonderful, caring, and loving group of folks!) However, I am glad they missed the chance to become friends with her.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: KitFox on July 02, 2010, 10:21:52 AM
I loved the idea of this wedding, except the whole "rotting together for all eternity" bit; HOWEVER, I don't believe this actually happened. The writing styles of the two letters are too much alike, the symmetry of it, and the idea that anyone as prim and Miss Priss as to write the first letter would climb out a window is just too much to be believed.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Elfmama on July 29, 2010, 01:00:52 AM
I agree, the climbing out the window seems unlikely.

But I've been to unconventional weddings where the more mundane guests sit there and shake their heads in disbelief.  :o  One of them was Elfqueen's wedding, in my own backyard two years ago. DH's brother and sister & spouses couldn't quite wrap their heads around the lack of a BWW, much less a Gypsies and Rogues theme.  (Or maybe it was the brideprice.  Was three cows and a goat too much to ask for her?)   They tended to keep themselves to themselves and not interact with most of the guests, but they weren't the sheer over-the-top rude of the first letter writer!  Maybe it was the fact that most of the guests were armed with swords -- as was DH, as a good Cossack should be!  ;) 
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Amava on July 29, 2010, 01:14:46 AM
I'm not sure, Elfmama. Was that three cows and a goat for Elfqueen AND the Elfdoggiepom, or without the Pom? I think either way it's a bit on the low end, but especially if the Pom was included.  ;D
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Elfmama on July 29, 2010, 02:30:10 AM
Without the IdiotElfDoggiePom, who came later. 

I asked 6 cows originally, SIL-to-be countered with three cows and a goat, and I told him it depended on the lineage of the goat.  Whereupon Elfqueen had the vapors, she was laughing so hard.

It was a very nice goat, rather like this one:
(http://media-2.web.britannica.com/eb-media/29/529-004-36226EC4.jpg)
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Winterlight on July 29, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
He has pretty horns, I think, but I'd have insisted on female goats- much more useful!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Elfmama on July 29, 2010, 09:33:00 AM
He was one of those goats that you 'adopt', that then go on to be part of the nucleus of a breeding herd in a developing country.  Goats are like any other mammal -- in order to produce milk, a female goat has to have a kid every year or so.  And in a third world country, that means a real he-goat instead of a visit from the Artificial Insemination service.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: jenny_islander on July 29, 2010, 12:57:33 PM
You mean the bride price was a donation to the Heifer Project?

That is SO COOL.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Elfmama on July 29, 2010, 03:20:49 PM
Yes.  I couldn't remember the name.  

The cows are sitting on the shelf in my bedroom.  3 stuffed toy cows, about 6" tall.  They were brought in as part of the groom's procession to the front, carried by our 3 youngest grandchildren.  Sil also threw in a chest of glass "jewels" and chocolate "coins".  

And as a dowry, Elfqueen received a chest full of sewing and tailoring equipment.

She's already posted this pic and link in another thread, so I don't think she'll mind here:

(http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4118/4790061615_143bd46ec5_m.jpg)

And her wedding thread, with pics:
http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=21967.0
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Winterlight on July 30, 2010, 07:46:21 AM
You mean the bride price was a donation to the Heifer Project?

That is SO COOL.

Agreed- objection withdrawn!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Elfqueen13 on July 30, 2010, 08:40:45 AM
You mean the bride price was a donation to the Heifer Project?

That is SO COOL.

Agreed- objection withdrawn!

I don't think it was the Heifer Project specifically but it was a similar organization.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: HonorH on July 30, 2010, 10:55:19 PM
You mean the bride price was a donation to the Heifer Project?

That is SO COOL.

What a great idea!  Somebody alert OffBeat Bride--they'd be all over this!
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: aventurine on August 01, 2010, 04:04:13 PM
You mean the bride price was a donation to the Heifer Project?

That is SO COOL.

Dang straight.  I'd be all over this if I was getting married again.  I love, love Heifer International (assuming this is the org). 
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: scotcat on October 17, 2010, 12:25:43 PM
Someone will always sniff at the way a wedding is arranged, but i wonder if the OP was the same person who compained about  wedding they had attended with no bridesmaids, the MOB and MOG in simple summer dresses, the bride wearing a wax hair ornament that was yellowed with age, because it had been her grandmother's, and a reception with no booze, no music, and only a sheet cake instead of a traditional cake.

E-hellions reactions were much the same to that person, that it's about having what you want, that you don'tahve to have yards of attendants, and morning dress, that booze and a three tiered cake are not obligatory, and how nice to honour Grandma's memory by wearing the hair ornament that she wore.
Title: Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
Post by: Skoffin on October 17, 2010, 12:38:48 PM
Heh, I actually wouldn't mind attending a wedding like that... sounds interesting, anyway.
The only disgusting behaviour I saw was on behalf of the guest.