Etiquette Hell

Hostesses With The Mostest => Entertaining and Hospitality => Topic started by: loopey2u on October 19, 2007, 09:08:16 PM

Title: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: loopey2u on October 19, 2007, 09:08:16 PM
My sister has a MIL that WILL NOT share recipes.

She's a good cook, but under no circumstances will share recpies with anybody who asks for them, no matter how much they compliment her food and then ask for the recipe.  ::)

I think it's weird, as it would be a compliment for me to share a recipe I thought others had enjoyed.

Thoughts?  She's a bit of a control freak so I can kind of understand her weirdness of not wanting to be shown up, etc. 

But I want to know how to cook lamb and make Greek Chicken so that I can make it for my own family since we enjoyed it so much.

It's annoying.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on October 19, 2007, 09:09:45 PM
Very annoying. It's how MIL makes sure her children keep coming home.

I mean even Neiman Marcus shares it's cookie recipes   ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on October 19, 2007, 10:14:25 PM
Sorry but that's not weird or controlling. I have recipes I wouldn't share. They're my intellectual property and I am not obligated to share that with anyone. Especially if it's something like a signature dish, I can't even imagine wanting to share that. And family recipes? Forget it. Not only would a person have to be related to me but we'd have to share a very strong bond for me to share those.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Trisha on October 19, 2007, 10:16:39 PM
I would find it insulting unless there is some reason for it, IE its a secret family recipe or something.

I would wonder if there is some "embarrassing" reason she won't give it up, maybe they're clipped from a magazine, and thinks that everyone will look down on her when they find out, or maybe she's secretly replacing it with takeout ;)

Is it also possible she doesn't have a recipe? I cook all kinds of stuff and most the time I don't think about "recipe" I think about what tastes good.

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: jimithing on October 19, 2007, 10:22:20 PM
I agree with eden that if it's my own recipe that I invented or it was a family recipe that was only passed down to family, I wouldn't share it very easily.

If it was something that I looked up on Allrecipes, I have no problem with it.  I actually like giving recipes and spreading the goodness around.  I do sort have a little pride surrounding being a good cook, so it makes me happy when people want my recipes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MDefarge on October 19, 2007, 10:42:55 PM
I personally have no problem sharing recipes, like Jimithing I get many of them from allrecipes.com - however I see nothing wrong with someone NOT wanting to share - that's their right even if I don't do the same.

OP- seriously go check out allrecipes.com they have a bunch of variations on each of their recipes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Chocolate Cake on October 19, 2007, 10:47:42 PM
I've stopped sharing certain recipes because I don't want to to see my favorite recipes eliminated because of over-use in my social circle.  In other words, serving my guests my "Chicken Adoration" dish after they've had it four other times at four other host's homes doesn't make much sense.   I want my special recipes to remain special and only available when dining in my home -- not in half the homes in my neighborhood.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: KenveeB on October 19, 2007, 10:50:33 PM
She might be one of those "a bit of this, a bit of that" cooks and is embarrassed that she can't give a recipe but doesn't want to admit it.  My grandmother won't share any of hers, but it's because she really doesn't have a "recipe" to anything she makes.  If it's something she has a recipe for, she clipped it out of a magazine and will happily show it to you.

I don't think it's necessarily rude to refuse to share a recipe.  I get lots of requests for my Christmas candy recipe, but I never give it out.  It's not like it's really a secret, but that's just my special thing and I don't want to give it out.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on October 19, 2007, 10:53:53 PM
One of my hobbies is creating recipes.  I may start with a recipe or just an idea - and then work, and work, experiment, have failures and successes, until I come up with a perfect (for me) recipe.

If someone asks me for one of those, I won't share.  I will share any recipe that I have used from a magazine, internet or cookbook.  My own creations are only shared with my DDs.  

Why should it be expected to share?  Should a designer share their patterns?  An author his writings?  An artist their artwork?  Cooking is an art, developing recipes is not easy, time consuming and expensive.

Heck no I'm not sharing unless "I" want to share.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on October 19, 2007, 10:55:00 PM
Quote
I've stopped sharing certain recipes because I don't want to to see my favorite recipes eliminated because of over-use in my social circle.  In other words, serving my guests my "Chicken Adoration" dish after they've had it four other times at four other host's homes doesn't make much sense.   I want my special recipes to remain special and only available when dining in my home -- not in half the homes in my neighborhood.

People who would use your best recipes in the same social crowd as you are RUDE. I would never think of using my friend's recipes with people that we mutually entertain.

My friend Sarah and I always share recipes, but I know her cheese and artichoke dip is hers and my stuffed mushrooms are mine. We would never think of using those recipes in our own crowd. But I have made her dip to feed relatives and people who do not know her, and she's used mine in the same situations.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: jimithing on October 19, 2007, 11:05:20 PM
Quote
I've stopped sharing certain recipes because I don't want to to see my favorite recipes eliminated because of over-use in my social circle.  In other words, serving my guests my "Chicken Adoration" dish after they've had it four other times at four other host's homes doesn't make much sense.   I want my special recipes to remain special and only available when dining in my home -- not in half the homes in my neighborhood.

People who would use your best recipes in the same social crowd as you are RUDE. I would never think of using my friend's recipes with people that we mutually entertain.


My friends and I will do this, with each other's permission.  My grandmother has an awesome spinach-strawberry salad, that I believe I have posted here.  Everyone loves it and always requests the recipe.  I have only shared it with my best friend, and when we have potlucks and she is assigned the salad, she will bring this one.  I have no problem with it, as I love it too!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Clara Bow on October 19, 2007, 11:45:50 PM
I'm picky about sharing recipes as well. If I got the recipe from someone else I always ask their permission before I share.
And I can't give any that I made up...I'm not a measurer. You have to let me show you how to do it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: ladiedeathe on October 19, 2007, 11:51:29 PM
I'm pretty much with skbenny here- I'll happily share any recipe I got from a common source (a net site, a cookbook) but I won't share most of the ones I have worked over for years to perfect. THey are written down, with notes, for my son and my nieces, to be given at some point yet to be decided.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Harriet Jones on October 19, 2007, 11:52:07 PM
Another aspect of this may be that she doesn't want someone to "ruin" her recipe ... if you say "Oh, this is X's Lamb Mintastic" and it's not up to her standards, she might feel like this makes her look bad.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on October 20, 2007, 12:02:00 AM
I'm pretty much with skbenny here- I'll happily share any recipe I got from a common source (a net site, a cookbook) but I won't share most of the ones I have worked over for years to perfect. THey are written down, with notes, for my son and my nieces, to be given at some point yet to be decided.
Thank you,

It isn't about being selfish, it's about giving part of you away that you worked hard to develop.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: JoyinVirginia on October 20, 2007, 12:17:22 AM
I would think it unusual that someone would not want to share a recipe, but can understand reasons they might not share. I do not think anyone is under a particular obligation to share recipes if they do not want to. Most mothers WANT to share recipes and cooking wisdom with their younger relatives, but that doesn't mean ALL mothers feel the same.   You can look online at recipe sites like recipezaar, or websites by certain food producers or companies will have recipe sections, or get recipe books from the library to find similar recipes perhaps. Also community groups and churches will often sell a recipe book made up from recipes donated by members, and those are great for finding unique home-cooking recipes.
Joy in Virginia
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on October 20, 2007, 12:57:25 AM
I share very few of my recipes. The last time I made an exception to my guideline I gave my aunt a recipe for quiche
She substituted bacon bits for bacon
Onion powder for onions
Kraft slices for swiss
Egg whites for eggs
and *I* caught endless grief for giving her the *wrong recipe*  >:(
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: cicero on October 20, 2007, 05:33:16 AM
i laugh because my friend and i always laugh about this issue.

I share recipes ---- whether they are my own invention, or from the 'net, or whatever. I always credit the source. the thing with my style of cooking is that i always change recipes. so it's sometimes a bit difficult for me to actually pin down how i make something. but i don't mind sharing. If i eat something that i really like - 99% of the time I can figure out the recipe anyway. anyway, once my friend made a really good vegetable loaf. I asked her for the recipe, she said she couldn't give it to me because she promised the person who gave  it to her (G) that she wouldn't. now i respected that - because G is a caterer. However, I pretty much figured out the recipe, googled it, and found it on the internet.

no matter what *I* do, I do respect another person's desire to NOT share THEIR recipes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: StarFaerie on October 20, 2007, 05:56:37 AM
My Mother has family recipes handed down to her from her mother. She will tell me the recipes but NO-ONE ELSE, no matter how much they beg. These recipes are an important part of our family heritage and remain so. She certainly isn't rude for refusing to share them, any more than she would be for not allowing others to wear family heirloom jewellery.

This may also be why your sister's MIL refuses to give you the recipes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 20, 2007, 06:25:15 AM
Ok, I used to think it was controlling too.  Once I came into my own as a good cook and baker, in my mid twenties, people would usually ask for recipes I have used for their dinner, etc.  I had no problem giving them out.  UNTIL... I got married and one of my SILs started asking.  Now let me preface this by saying, that  I am of the school that anything worth doing is worth doing right, whether the task be big or small do it right or not at all, etc.  I do not half a** things.  SHe is notorious for doing exactly that.  Everything is always "to be done with it", etc. Now, many of my recipes that have gotten raves are time consuming.  I have no problem with this, but I know that if I give it to her when she asks, she WILL half a** it. THen I find out when she serves the recipe to someone (and I have had some of my own recipes prepared by her, and I'm sorry, they stink) she always prefaces it with "This is Grasshopper's recipe!" and I am mortified. Because not everyone she serves it to has had it prepared by ME -- CORRECTLY.  After she butchered 5 of my most valued recipes I now refuse to give them out to her.  If she asks why I just say I'm becoming eccentric.  :-X

Edited for spelling
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 20, 2007, 06:27:44 AM
Just noticed LauraF said it for me in way less words.  Thanks LauraF!  ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 20, 2007, 06:40:18 AM
Slight sidebar here but in the same vein, my MIL, after much ado and making quite a show of it, "gave" me her recipe for pot roast that she proclaimed how much her sons loved it, both sons (my DH and brother) went on and on about how it was the best EVER.  So I made it.  Hmm..I mean, it was ok, something was missing.  Now, this is before I really began to flourish in the kitchen, so I couldn't put my finger on it.  DH would say it was good but "not like mom's"  grrrrr  >:(

So I kept trying.  Another time she came for dinner and purposely kept me distracted until I burned a new chicken recipe (plus I had an electric oven, something new for me at the time).  She crowed to everyone how I burned it and "oh isn't it cute, grasshopper trying to be all domestic".  Well, fast forward a couple years and now Grasshopper is known for her dinner parties and out of this world recipes.  I have also secretly been cultivating the pot roast recipe on my own.  I serve it to her and her brother when they come for dinner.  The brother, DH's brother (her other son)  and DH exclaim "WOW!  This is BETTER than yours MIL!!! " (at last DH foot in mouth is turned on someone other than me)  apparently the brother went on and on about it the entire drive back home with her. It blew hers out of the water.  She confessed to DH at one point later "I might have left out one or two things from the recipe I gave her out of forgetfulness". ha, my foot. She used to sit in glee when everyone would tell me "it's still not like Mom's" secretly knowing she didn't give me the whole recipe. So now she listens to everyone crow about my wonderful cooking and ESPECIALLY my pot roast.  She at last confessed to me that "it IS better than mine, good job Grasshopper"    Score for the DIL!  8)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Lisbeth on October 20, 2007, 09:47:17 AM
Well, I think it's not rude to not be willing to share recipes, and it's a bit entitled to think one is entitled to someone else's recipe.

That said, I do like to share recipes.  I don't have many of my own-I don't have the space in my apartment to really experiment with cooking.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Evil Duckie on October 20, 2007, 09:56:23 AM
.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: reddevil on October 20, 2007, 11:22:08 AM
I second (third) all the PPs who mentioned people butchering their recipes.  I don't share for lots of reasons, mostly because of that combined with the fact that I don't have recipes.  I just make stuff up and add to an established good base.  Sometimes it comes out.

 Last night, I ground up some Gardetto's snack mix to add to my breadcrumbs for faux fried chicken.  It was awesome.  The oyster crackers I used last month were gluey.  I'm from a make do with what you have family so I substitute things a great deal.  Never things that really matter...like Kraft slices for swiss cheese, but I do like to experiment. 

I share some, though, like Company French Toast and my too easy quiche.  Not the burritos, though.  Never those. 

This is an interesting thread, too...made me think about my gram's cherry pie (no sharing) mom's potato salad (no sharing) and my little bro's stuffed chix breasts (he's only 21, and I'm so proud!). 

So now I'm hungry, which often happens on this board. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MDefarge on October 20, 2007, 11:35:07 AM
 

I share some, though, like Company French Toast and my too easy quiche.  Not the burritos, though.  Never those. 


So now I'm hungry, which often happens on this board. 

Um those of you who DO share recipes, would you mind putting some of them up here? Because they sound delicious (I'm especially intrigued by that Company French Toast) and now *I'm* hungry too!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: LissaR1 on October 20, 2007, 12:45:32 PM
I'm always willing to share my recipes, but I also never invent them.  They're from cookbooks or magazines.  And even our family recipes are from cookbooks and magazines.  (More of my family specializes in microwave cookery than anything else ;) )  I'm not offended if someone won't share their recipe, but I do prefer they give me a reason, like, "sorry- it's a family recipe."  They don't have to give a reason, mind you, I just think it softens the rejection.

On the flip side, I made my mom and stepdad a WW version of veal pizziola.  It was an extremely simple recipe, and calls for maybe five ingredients.  My stepfather adored it, and asked me to give my mom the recipe.  I know my mom doesn't cook in the same way I do, so I wrote down brands and everything, and emphasized the oregano had to be fresh, not dried.  She said that she followed my directions to the letter (and I believe her- this is not a hard dish!) and my stepfather said, "Oh, it's not as good as Lissa's."  Pfft.  (My guess is he'd built it up pretty high in his mind, and even I couldn't duplicate it, I'm sure.)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Summrs on October 20, 2007, 01:07:04 PM
Anyone remember the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Marie gave her family recipe to Deborah, but replaced a label on a jar of Tarragon with Basil?  Deborah's attempt came out awful.  If you're going to share a recipe, share THE recipe, don't leave something out or replace it with something that will make it taste funky.  That's just being a jerk.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: camlan on October 20, 2007, 01:16:30 PM
A woman I know gets great recipes from her mother. The mother sometimes will give the recipes to people outside the family, but will change an ingredient or two or change the amount of an ingredient. Then she'll turn to her daughter and whisper, "Don't you use that recipe. I'll give you the right one when we get home."

My own recipe-sharing story is this. Many, many years ago, when I was in college, someone made these really fantastic cookies. Really, really good cookies with a chocolate kiss inside. She would not share the recipe. So, because these cookies were so good and I'm a pretty good baker, I started out to duplicate the recipe. Finally, after a few trials, some errors and at least two cookie batches that went straight to the trashcan, I had at least a reasonable facsimile of the original cookie. I liked them, my friends liked them, my family liked them.

For a Christmas party at my dad's house, I made a batch. Someone asked me for the recipe. I'm always incredibly flattered that someone would want one of my recipes that I am more than willing to share. I started to give it to him and my brother interrupted. "You can't give him that! It's a secret family recipe!" No, it was MY recipe. But the family decided that I couldn't give it out to anyone outside the family.

That lasted at least 15 years, until I found out that the same brother who wouldn't let me give anyone the recipe had given it to his girlfriend. But that was different, you see.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 20, 2007, 01:51:43 PM
I second (third) all the PPs who mentioned people butchering their recipes.  I don't share for lots of reasons, mostly because of that combined with the fact that I don't have recipes.  I just make stuff up and add to an established good base.  Sometimes it comes out.

 Last night, I ground up some Gardetto's snack mix to add to my breadcrumbs for faux fried chicken.  It was awesome.  The oyster crackers I used last month were gluey.  I'm from a make do with what you have family so I substitute things a great deal.  Never things that really matter...like Kraft slices for swiss cheese, but I do like to experiment. 

I share some, though, like Company French Toast and my too easy quiche.  Not the burritos, though.  Never those. 

This is an interesting thread, too...made me think about my gram's cherry pie (no sharing) mom's potato salad (no sharing) and my little bro's stuffed chix breasts (he's only 21, and I'm so proud!). 

So now I'm hungry, which often happens on this board. 

Try crushing some garlic and onion or Italian seasoned croutons.  THe super crunchy kind that I find near the oils and vinegars.  I use them for my crunchy "fried" (really either baked or done in the skillet on stovetop) chicken.  :D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 20, 2007, 01:54:15 PM
Anyone remember the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Marie gave her family recipe to Deborah, but replaced a label on a jar of Tarragon with Basil?  Deborah's attempt came out awful.  If you're going to share a recipe, share THE recipe, don't leave something out or replace it with something that will make it taste funky.  That's just being a jerk.

I remember it.  We saw it after the whole pot roast debacle.  I just looked at DH with the accusing look and said "Gee, can't imagine ANYONE doing that!?"  He then said his mom was just "forgetful" and stormed out of the room.  Ha. Want to buy a bridge? ::)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hawkwatcher on October 20, 2007, 02:01:47 PM
Anyone remember the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Marie gave her family recipe to Deborah, but replaced a label on a jar of Tarragon with Basil?  Deborah's attempt came out awful.  If you're going to share a recipe, share THE recipe, don't leave something out or replace it with something that will make it taste funky.  That's just being a jerk.

I remember it.  We saw it after the whole pot roast debacle.  I just looked at DH with the accusing look and said "Gee, can't imagine ANYONE doing that!?"  He then said his mom was just "forgetful" and stormed out of the room.  Ha. Want to buy a bridge? ::)

I think that I have a simple solution.  If you feel like asking this woman for another recipe ever again, make sure to have your husband prepare it for your MIL the next time she visits.  It would be interesting to see if her memory starts to "improve."
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 20, 2007, 02:08:28 PM
The only recipes I won't share are recipes I'm trying to develop for a TOH contest or Pillsbury bake-off. (I've never won a thing, but you never know!)

Otherwise, I'll happily share anything.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 20, 2007, 02:10:53 PM
I'm picky about sharing recipes as well. If I got the recipe from someone else I always ask their permission before I share.
And I can't give any that I made up...I'm not a measurer. You have to let me show you how to do it.

I make a lot of stuff with only approximations of measurements. In those cases, I can tell you a "method" but not a specific recipe.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: afbluebelle on October 20, 2007, 03:10:01 PM
I have a lot of my friends ask for recipes of things when they come over for dinner, but 99% of them are bachelor guys who think that you can substitute cheap shaker parmesan cheese for freshly grated block parmesan in a recipe.  I don't give them my special recipes, because I know they will mess it up and blame me.

On the other hand, I lucked out and married a wonderful guy whose mother and grandmother are amazing cooks.  He is the oldest out of all the kids, so all the family recipes I want are at my fingertips!  Victory is mine!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 20, 2007, 03:57:23 PM
Anyone remember the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Marie gave her family recipe to Deborah, but replaced a label on a jar of Tarragon with Basil?  Deborah's attempt came out awful.  If you're going to share a recipe, share THE recipe, don't leave something out or replace it with something that will make it taste funky.  That's just being a jerk.

I remember it.  We saw it after the whole pot roast debacle.  I just looked at DH with the accusing look and said "Gee, can't imagine ANYONE doing that!?"  He then said his mom was just "forgetful" and stormed out of the room.  Ha. Want to buy a bridge? ::)

I think that I have a simple solution.  If you feel like asking this woman for another recipe ever again, make sure to have your husband prepare it for your MIL the next time she visits.  It would be interesting to see if her memory starts to "improve."

Hee. That would be funny. I have long given up on asking her for recipes, 've only ever asked her for two.  It was funny, I didn't even ASK for the potroast recipe, she *offered* it.  I think she was trying to show how "undomestic" I was and in the end it backfired on her.  When DH's brother got married MIL made a huge production at her bridal shower out of presenting her with a book she made with all her recipes in it. (unspoken middle finger salute to me).  The girl (who is now my best friend) looks at me later and goes "How 'forgetful' do you think she was in this?"   >:D
MIL did end up asking *me* for my famous Lime Chicken recipe once.  I started off with "You juice 15 limes by hand then stay home for 6 hours while it marinates in it, flipping it every hour." I didn't even have to finish it, she says "oh now that's just craziness, too involved for me!"  The SIL that half a**es everything is the apple that didn't fall far from the tree...  ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 20, 2007, 03:58:35 PM
I second (third) all the PPs who mentioned people butchering their recipes.  I don't share for lots of reasons, mostly because of that combined with the fact that I don't have recipes.  I just make stuff up and add to an established good base.  Sometimes it comes out.

 Last night, I ground up some Gardetto's snack mix to add to my breadcrumbs for faux fried chicken.  It was awesome.  The oyster crackers I used last month were gluey.  I'm from a make do with what you have family so I substitute things a great deal.  Never things that really matter...like Kraft slices for swiss cheese, but I do like to experiment. 

I share some, though, like Company French Toast and my too easy quiche.  Not the burritos, though.  Never those. 

This is an interesting thread, too...made me think about my gram's cherry pie (no sharing) mom's potato salad (no sharing) and my little bro's stuffed chix breasts (he's only 21, and I'm so proud!). 

So now I'm hungry, which often happens on this board. 

Try crushing some garlic and onion or Italian seasoned croutons.  THe super crunchy kind that I find near the oils and vinegars.  I use them for my crunchy "fried" (really either baked or done in the skillet on stovetop) chicken.  :D

I do regular breadcrumbs with garlic and onion powder and Parmesan cheese. ;D

ooooh, parmesan cheese!! mmm..  I'm on WW though and cheese is my enemy. too many points for me.  sigh....  sounds scrumptious though!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on October 20, 2007, 08:51:34 PM
 I don't share recipes, because the things I cook well, I don't use a recipe. These are things that I learned from Grandma and she didn't use one either.  Telling someone to get enough meat that it "looks right" to make soup ain't gonna be helpful - nor is "carrots to taste"
 Edited because it sounded too snarky and i  didn't mean it that way.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 20, 2007, 09:11:41 PM
I don't share recipes, because the things I cook well, I don't use a recipe. These are things that I learned from Grandma and she didn't use one either.  Telling someone to get enough meat that it "looks right" to make soup ain't gonna be helpful - nor is "carrots to taste"
 Edited because it sounded too snarky and i  didn't mean it that way.

Anything "to taste" is helpful, but yeah - looking or feeling "right" needs experience.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: VorFemme on October 20, 2007, 09:13:58 PM
I have given my "adjustments" to a couple of cookie recipes to various members of the family and friends. 

My own MIL insists that three of the recipes that she gave me I have made so many changes to that they are no longer the family recipes.  The hubby and kids have no issues with eating MY version instead of her version..........not that we've eaten at her house *when she cooked* more than a dozen times since DH went back into the military in 1992...............  FIL would grill, we'd go out to dinner, or have a family pot luck with other family members bringing things.......so she didn't do all or even most of the cooking.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Dragonflymom on October 20, 2007, 11:07:25 PM
A lot of what I cook regularly I don't even have a recipe for, and just came at by random experimentation.  I am definitely one of those "a little of this, a little of that" kind of cooks.  I'd be embarassed to give out a recipe that said "sprinkle basil on it til it tastes good" so I tend not to give mine out to anybody but my mother and fiance, who know how disorganized I am and understand.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on October 20, 2007, 11:09:58 PM
I've stopped sharing certain recipes because I don't want to to see my favorite recipes eliminated because of over-use in my social circle.  In other words, serving my guests my "Chicken Adoration" dish after they've had it four other times at four other host's homes doesn't make much sense.   I want my special recipes to remain special and only available when dining in my home -- not in half the homes in my neighborhood.
Is Chicken Adoration the main dish served during holidays for those that worship the Great Chicken?
:-)

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on October 21, 2007, 01:14:25 AM
Quote
lot of what I cook regularly I don't even have a recipe for, and just came at by random experimentation.  I am definitely one of those "a little of this, a little of that" kind of cooks.  I'd be embarassed to give out a recipe that said "sprinkle basil on it til it tastes good" so I tend not to give mine out to anybody but my mother and fiance, who know how disorganized I am and understand.

This is how my mother cooked, I'd beg her for recipes she'd always tell me that you just need to watch. She also told me that since I was raised by a good cook, like she was, that I'd realize how things were supposed to taste and it would just come to me. I did not believe her until the last five years. I barely pull out measuring spoons anymore.

My BF was miserable with the way I cook, "BUT the recipe says 1/3 teaspoon, you can't improvise!" He no longer uses measuring spoons either. It's just easier.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Redneck Gravy on October 21, 2007, 01:23:29 AM
I have never been fussy about sharing my recipes, but the last time my bro made the dressing for Thanksgiving it was awful - then he tells everyone it's my recipe.  He's obviously not following the directions I typed for him, my dressing is the best on the planet IMO, of course.

I won't give him my deviled egg recipe for that very reason.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: reddevil on October 21, 2007, 10:36:55 AM
Quote

My BF was miserable with the way I cook, "BUT the recipe says 1/3 teaspoon, you can't improvise!" He no longer uses measuring spoons either. It's just easier.



Mine too!!!  It was really funny, too, since I would be cooking or baking and wouldn't measure precisely, and he would get this horrified look on his face like I had committed a huge cooking sin.  Now he just doesn't watch as I pour stuff in my palm or pinch it out. 


And the parmesan cheese in the breadcrumbs sounds awesome.  I'll post the Company French Toast recipe in the recipe folder along with the really easy quiche, since they go well together, if anyone wants it. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Lady Snowdon on October 21, 2007, 11:31:43 AM
I've never been asked to share a recipe, but I don't cook much for other people, so there's no one to ask for them!  There are certain family recipes that I wouldn't share though; I don't even have access to some of the original recipe cards, just the copied ones that my mom has! 

I, like many others here, don't use specific amounts.  A couple nights ago, I found a very basic recipe for Chicken Pot Pie Soup on Recipezaar.  It stated you needed two cups of cubed cooked chicken, a 16 oz package of frozen mixed veggies, a can of cream of chicken soup and a can of cream of potato soup.  In the course of making it, I didn't put in the can of cream of potato soup, used fresh veggies instead of frozen, added some potatoes, and have no clue how much chicken I actually ended up putting in.  It was "enough" chicken to go with the amount of the soup.  I also added seasonings by the "hmmm...this looks good" method.  Turned out wonderfully, but I can't really tell you what "my" recipe is...I can just give the base recipe I started from!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MeanMom on October 21, 2007, 02:54:48 PM
Not weird.  I have recipes I can't share and recipes I won't share.  I can't share the secret family recipes that I got from my mother.   They've been passed down in my family and I don't even keep them in the recipe box, they're stashed.  Yes bizarre but I have had family friends rifle through my recipe box hoping to swipe a couple of the favorite ones.  Silly but its my Gramma's request.

I won't share recipes where there aren't specific quantities.  I'm a freeform cook.  I make bread by feel and other dishes by smell.  In cases where I can only give you a list of ingredients and very rough measurements I choose not to share.  You're chances of making chicken soup just like you had at my house are slim.  My soups or spaghetti sauces aren't always the same. 

There's also people I won't share recipes with because they always change something (ground chicken does not equal ground beef and you are going to get different results) and then when it doesn't turn out like the original blame me.

MeanMom
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 21, 2007, 03:26:46 PM
A while back myself and a bunch of friends put all our recipes down in one database.  We are all happy to share those, most of which were probably clipped from a magazine to begin with anyway. 

I won't share recipes I got from a cookbook, if you want one of those, I'll tell you the name of the cookbook, but I won't photocopy for you.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Tabbage on October 21, 2007, 07:13:11 PM
I literally can't imagine NOT giving any recipe of mine to anyone who asks for it, whether I trust their cooking skills or not.   The idea that something is somehow more "special" because other people can't enjoy it, or can only enjoy it when *you* deign to serve it to them is foreign to me.  I don't even view it as an etiquette issue, just a basic human interaction thing.  If I can increase someone's happiness in a way that doesn't cost me anything (except self-importance or rigid family tradition), I'd do it in a second.  My dead grandfather would probably love as many people as possible to enjoy his skillet cornbread or "tuna surprise" casserole.

I was stunned to see so many of what I consider "Grinch"-like attitudes here about recipe sharing.  Now I have this image of so many of you huddled in your pantries grasping a padlocked box full of top-secret recipes.  The horror!

I also guarantee that some of you non-sharers are happy to post many of these same recipes on the internet (even this site!) for millions to see, but wouldn't give it to your best friend or next-door neighbor, because it might dilute your "standing" locally for others nearby to be able to pull off (or, heaven forbid, *not* pull off) your masterful creations.

Sorry to sound so harsh, but I just can't believe that so many people would hold back a potential source of happiness to others for reasons that all pretty much distill down to *pride*.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: jimithing on October 21, 2007, 07:16:26 PM

I also guarantee that some of you non-sharers are happy to post many of these same recipes on the internet (even this site!) for millions to see, but wouldn't give it to your best friend or next-door neighbor, because it might dilute your "standing" locally for others nearby to be able to pull off (or, heaven forbid, *not* pull off) your masterful creations.


Interesting assumption.

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: VorFemme on October 21, 2007, 07:28:22 PM
It's not that I won't share recipes - it's that there have been a few people who have so thoroughly botched making the dish and then blamed me for giving them a defective recipe in front of the people who were eating the *stuff* thinking it was made exactly following my recipe.........

When there had been a number of substitutions that were not equivalents made that made the taste, texture, and appearance go to heck in a handbasket...........

Salad oil for butter & vegetable shortening mixed (to control the melting point); baking powder for baking soda; or carob chips for chocolate chips are not going to give the same flavor or results...........and making all of those adjustments plus a couple of others in ONE recipe is going to result in something unrecognizable (and did).

But I got lectured over not giving her the REAL recipe before I started asking if she had made any changes (and I admit I was asking that question loudly enough to be heard by EVERYONE at the family get-together).  I did not want to get a reputation as passing out bogus recipes when I *knew* that this person's kitchen was woefully deficient in what I thought of as staples. 

A couple of examples - I had three spice racks with more than fifty spices at that time (now I have more), about six bottles of flavoring (she had vanilla only), and replace my baking powder, baking soda, and yeast on a regular basis...........she had ONLY baking powder, about eight spices, and her supplies of salt, pepper, flour, and other "staples" weren't replaced on a regular basis as she didn't cook from scratch much.

Nobody was going to starve in her house - but she was not going to be asked to start trading recipes with Julia Child, Emmeril, or anyone else any time soon.........I think that I have mentioned that she used half spagetti sauce from a jar with equal amounts of tomato sauce because the stuff in the jar had too much garlic & oregano in it to suit her?

I'm not kidding...........
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Tabbage on October 21, 2007, 09:12:14 PM
Tabbage, many people have cited cost and effort as a reason not to share recipes. It would also make the indigent happy if you were to hand over all your possessions and home, but that isn't "required" to be polite either.

The cost and effort spent in coming up with a recipe is in no way diluted or wasted by sharing it after the fact.  I would argue that the cost and effort mean even more when you can share the results.  This is not comparable to giving away possessions, as you still have the recipe after sharing it.  Sharing recipes, like advice or ideas, costs you nothing.   Using "cost and effort" as a reason to not share is basically saying "because it was hard/expensive/time consuming for me, I don't want it to be easy/cheap/quick for you."   It's not like people's friends, families and neighbors sit around *intentionally* not creating their own recipes, so they can wait around for you to come up with your own, and then ask for them to save themselves the effort.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 21, 2007, 09:17:07 PM
I was stunned to see so many of what I consider "Grinch"-like attitudes here about recipe sharing.  Now I have this image of so many of you huddled in your pantries grasping a padlocked box full of top-secret recipes.  The horror!

I put as much effort into some of my recipes as I do to many of my other crafts, which include quilting, woodburning, painting, and writing.

I don't hand out any of my creations on demand, period.  I am happy to share with friends, but if someone who has never shared a recipe with me demands one of mine, the answer is no.  I view it the same as giving someone a quilt.  A close friend may be given one as a gift, and someone who has shared their arts with me may request something.  A neighbor or someone else I am not close with?  The answer may very well be no.  There are certain of my recipes I will share with any who ask, and others that quite frankly, are mine and will remain mine.

Not to mention, I spent a lot of time and money learning to cook from cookbooks.  Many of my recipes began as someone else's copyrighted work in a cookbook I purchased.  I do not have the right to hand over someone else's intellectual property, even if I have tweaked it a bit to suit me better.   

Frankly, I resent your name-calling.

Tell you what.  You give me something you hand-crafted, then you can start asking me for my personal recipes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MDefarge on October 21, 2007, 09:20:32 PM
I was stunned to see so many of what I consider "Grinch"-like attitudes here about recipe sharing.  Now I have this image of so many of you huddled in your pantries grasping a padlocked box full of top-secret recipes.  The horror!

Not to mention, I spent a lot of time and money learning to cook from cookbooks.  Many of my recipes began as someone else's copyrighted work in a cookbook I purchased.  I do not have the right to hand over someone else's intellectual property, even if I have tweaked it a bit to suit me better.   

Frankly, I resent your name-calling.

Tell you what.  You give me something you hand-crafted, then you can start asking me for my personal recipes.

That is actually a really good point, one which I hadn't thought of till you pointed it out.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 21, 2007, 09:22:21 PM
This is really fascinating!  I don't mind sharing recipes if I have a recipe (I do a lot of intuitive cooking, too), or attempting to describe how I do something, but if I give out a recipe it's always with the warning that I am an intuitive cook, and I don't always keep track of my substitutions/experimentations, so it may come out differently.

I always wondered about people who refuse to share recipes, but this thread has cast some light on it for me.  I'm not sure I agree with every reason stated here, but I can see where the posters are coming from :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: beakiebean on October 21, 2007, 10:28:14 PM
I'm a recipe sharer-my whole family is. We put together a little cookbook of our favorite recipes and printed it up so we could all have the yummy recipes. Sometimes you just can't wait until Thanksgiving for some of Grandma's noodles or Uncle J's eggnog salad.

I don't create recipes for a living or for entry in contests so sharing them isn't draining any of my lifeblood-so if someone wants my grilled chicken recipe or my ranger cookie recipe they can have it-makes no difference to me.

Lol-I never knew there were so many people who didn't like to share their recipes-most of the cooks I know are super excited if you like their food and want to share.

Becca
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 21, 2007, 10:37:47 PM
I'm a recipe sharer-my whole family is. We put together a little cookbook of our favorite recipes and printed it up so we could all have the yummy recipes. Sometimes you just can't wait until Thanksgiving for some of Grandma's noodles or Uncle J's eggnog salad.

I don't create recipes for a living or for entry in contests so sharing them isn't draining any of my lifeblood-so if someone wants my grilled chicken recipe or my ranger cookie recipe they can have it-makes no difference to me.

Lol-I never knew there were so many people who didn't like to share their recipes-most of the cooks I know are super excited if you like their food and want to share.

Becca

Er...are you willing to share Uncle J's eggnog salad recipe?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: beakiebean on October 21, 2007, 11:37:07 PM
Er...are you willing to share Uncle J's eggnog salad recipe?

Here it is Cathy-we call it a salad and have it with dinner but it's probably actually more of a dessert-what can I say-we're an odd family. We're very partial to Anderson Erikson eggnog that's made here in Iowa but I'll bet it would be good with other kinds-so long as you have a yummy eggnog you ought to have a yummy eggnog salad.

Eggnog Holiday Salad ala Uncle J.

1 cup graham cracker crumbs         
¼ cup sugar
¼ teaspoon nutmeg            
¼ cup margarine, melted
1 envelope unflavored gelatin         
8oz. pkg cream cheese, softened
¼ cup sugar               
1 cup eggnog
1 cup whipping cream, whipped

Combine crumbs, ¼ cup sugar, nutmeg, and margarine; press onto bottom of 9-inch square pan.  Soften Gelatin in water.  Stir over low heat until dissolved. Combine cream cheese and ¼ cup sugar mixing on medium speed on electric mixer until well blended. Gradually add gelatin and eggnog.  Chill until slightly thickened. Fold in whipped cream. Chill until firm.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on October 22, 2007, 08:29:15 AM
Quote
I literally can't imagine NOT giving any recipe of mine to anyone who asks for it, whether I trust their cooking skills or not.   The idea that something is somehow more "special" because other people can't enjoy it, or can only enjoy it when *you* deign to serve it to them is foreign to me.  I don't even view it as an etiquette issue, just a basic human interaction thing.  If I can increase someone's happiness in a way that doesn't cost me anything (except self-importance or rigid family tradition), I'd do it in a second.  My dead grandfather would probably love as many people as possible to enjoy his skillet cornbread or "tuna surprise" casserole.

 You have every right to do with your recipes what you want, others have the same right. Whether you agree with it or not. I don't share recipes, most things I don't use or follow recipes and if I do - well there's this neat law in the US that covers published works and how they can be deciminated. It's called copy right. I don't violate it. I don't copy music, I don't copy videos, I don't copy Needlework patters and I don't copy publsihed recipes. 




Quote
I was stunned to see so many of what I consider "Grinch"-like attitudes here about recipe sharing.  Now I have this image of so many of you huddled in your pantries grasping a padlocked box full of top-secret recipes.  The horror!

 this boils down to "different strokes for different folks"  You can imagine folks any way you choose but I'd bet that the same folks who don't share recipes are often very giving in other ways. So you give away everything someone else demands of you?




Quote
I also guarantee that some of you non-sharers are happy to post many of these same recipes on the internet (even this site!) for millions to see, but wouldn't give it to your best friend or next-door neighbor, because it might dilute your "standing" locally for others nearby to be able to pull off (or, heaven forbid, *not* pull off) your masterful creations.

 After 11 posts you *KNOW* what we would do?  Really, now. That's very, um, interesting.

Quote
Sorry to sound so harsh, but I just can't believe that so many people would hold back a potential source of happiness to others for reasons that all pretty much distill down to *pride*.

 And pride in anything is *such*  a bad thing, and no one should *ever* have ANYTHING that someone else wants?  You don't sound harsh sound jealous and like no one's ever told you "no" before.
 People should be allowed, no ARE allowed to have "signature" dishes, to have things they are not obligated to share, to enjoy the fruits of their OWN labour,,,that includes cooking, and all other arts ( and crafts), and somethines they don't care to share or teach, that's just life sometimes.

 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 22, 2007, 08:57:27 AM
Er...are you willing to share Uncle J's eggnog salad recipe?

Here it is Cathy-we call it a salad and have it with dinner but it's probably actually more of a dessert-what can I say-we're an odd family. We're very partial to Anderson Erikson eggnog that's made here in Iowa but I'll bet it would be good with other kinds-so long as you have a yummy eggnog you ought to have a yummy eggnog salad.

Eggnog Holiday Salad ala Uncle J.

1 cup graham cracker crumbs         
¼ cup sugar
¼ teaspoon nutmeg            
¼ cup margarine, melted
1 envelope unflavored gelatin         
8oz. pkg cream cheese, softened
¼ cup sugar               
1 cup eggnog
1 cup whipping cream, whipped

Combine crumbs, ¼ cup sugar, nutmeg, and margarine; press onto bottom of 9-inch square pan.  Soften Gelatin in water.  Stir over low heat until dissolved. Combine cream cheese and ¼ cup sugar mixing on medium speed on electric mixer until well blended. Gradually add gelatin and eggnog.  Chill until slightly thickened. Fold in whipped cream. Chill until firm.


Thank you!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on October 22, 2007, 09:43:57 AM
I was stunned to see so many of what I consider "Grinch"-like attitudes here about recipe sharing.  Now I have this image of so many of you huddled in your pantries grasping a padlocked box full of top-secret recipes.  The horror!

I put as much effort into some of my recipes as I do to many of my other crafts, which include quilting, woodburning, painting, and writing.

I don't hand out any of my creations on demand, period.  I am happy to share with friends, but if someone who has never shared a recipe with me demands one of mine, the answer is no.  I view it the same as giving someone a quilt.  A close friend may be given one as a gift, and someone who has shared their arts with me may request something.  A neighbor or someone else I am not close with?  The answer may very well be no.  There are certain of my recipes I will share with any who ask, and others that quite frankly, are mine and will remain mine.

Not to mention, I spent a lot of time and money learning to cook from cookbooks.  Many of my recipes began as someone else's copyrighted work in a cookbook I purchased.  I do not have the right to hand over someone else's intellectual property, even if I have tweaked it a bit to suit me better.   

Frankly, I resent your name-calling.

Tell you what.  You give me something you hand-crafted, then you can start asking me for my personal recipes.

I agree with you 100%.  A recipe is "intellectual" property.  Try telling JK Rowling that the name Hogwarts can be used by anyone, if they just ask her.  It won't happen.

My recipes may die with me, and that's ok because I'm not the only cook in the world.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 22, 2007, 09:59:17 AM
I share. And, I would be flattered to be asked.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on October 22, 2007, 10:08:17 AM
I share some but not others but i don't think that it is rude it people don't share their recipes

Shay
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: rashea on October 22, 2007, 10:32:38 AM
I share many recipes, but some are things I just won't pass on. If you think about it like writing a book, or designing a really special quilt square, or creating a custom pattern for any kind of craft, I think it becomes clear why some people won't pass on certain recipes. I also rarely post recipes online. I have recipes that take hours, and a lot of skill, I only pass those out to people I know can handle them (people get mad at me when my special fudge recipe burns 4 times in a row).
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: ladiedeathe on October 22, 2007, 10:53:16 AM
Tabbage,

I don't think anyone is "entitled" to a recipe I put hours or even weeks and months into developing from scratch. Cooking for me is a full time hobby; something I often work at more than my nursing job.

The problem for me is not sharing some recipes- I happily share things that the person could repeat (things from open sources, or ones I've created). The problem is sharing recipes which took 100 test hours, or 30 trial runs with wasted ingredients. Some of these recipes are incredibly complex, and require expensive ingredients which are not found in many of my friends kitchens. I will not give out a recipe which takes 13 hours to make, requires over $350 worth of ingredients, and will fail catastrophically with any substitutions or improper technique, to a friend with no spare time, a minimal budget, and a voiced desire to "make that for my ILs on Friday" when I know she will have to work all day at her job.

I will happily sell any of my "serious" recipes to a chef for his or her use, and I would give the same recipe to a friend who I knew had the ability to actually make it. I would also be willing to teach a friend who really, really, wanted to learn a particular dish for an event (or I would let her buy the stuff and I would make it for her and let her help and take notes).

I absolutely will not share a recipe with someone who will substitute frozen chicken for aged (hung) pheasant, canned mushrooms for black truffles, gin for fresh pressed juniper berries, and hen's eggs for fresh quail eggs. There is no point- it won't look or taste like what I made, and she will not be happy with the results.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: willow08 on October 22, 2007, 10:59:16 AM
I don't share all of my recipes.  Some of them I don't share just because I worked hard to perfect them and I like having specialty dishes.  

Some I don't share because if I do, those dishes start popping up at family gatherings under the auspice of "Oh, this is Willow's recipe for spicy corn relish!" and when you dig in it's got brown rice or cinnamon or some other ungodly gross ingredient that the cook just "added" to the recipe so it in no way resembles my recipe, but I get blamed for everybody getting heartburn. One poster on another board talked about giving a friend her mother's recipe for spaghetti sauce and finding out later that the friend entered the sauce in the county fair under "Friend's Mama's Famous Sauce" but it had additions of shredded carrots, zucchini and cauliflower. That would irk me pretty badly.

It's not a power-play in some cases, it's self-preservation.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on October 22, 2007, 11:25:26 AM
Copyright protection of recipes is a grey area. A recipe that is just a list of ingredients cannot be copyrighted. A cookbook can. More info here: http://www.copyright.gov/fls/fl122.html

I have a couple of recipes I do not give away because they are very easy and very special. If I gave them away, people could easily make these treats for themselves, and then they would not be a special gift when they came from me. If that makes me a selfish control freak... oh well.  ::)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bob Ducca on October 22, 2007, 11:32:02 AM
It is amazing how strong the feelings are on both sides of this...I'm not much of a cook, so it never really occurred to me.

However, if one removes the word "recipe" and substitutes "play" or "novel" or "quilt" or any other creative endeavor, it becomes clear that, to many, their recipes are more than just formulas for a successful meal- the recipes represent hours of effort as well as substantial monetary investment.  Just as any other creative endeavor, the person who created the work should be able to control how it is used, and there is nothing "selfish" about that.  (Edited to add: I'm not necessarily talking about copyright law, just the idea that the creator of a work has a continuing interest in the integrity of that work, legalities aside.)

Honestly, I would be flattered if someone asked me for a recipe, but recipes aren't that important to me.  And they don't have to be!  However, if someone came up to me and said, "Hey, you remember that play you wrote 10 years ago?  We're performing it next week!" you bet I'd be upset...not that it is being performed, but that it is being performed without my permission or input.

I don't think you should be offended if someone asks you for a recipe, but the fact that someone asked doesn't mean you are obligated to give.  If someone says, "No, I don't share recipes," that is sufficient and shouldn't be argued with.  If you think that stance is silly, that is your opinion, but it is in no way backed up by eitiquette.

I have yet to see any etiquette expert advise that one must aquiesce to any request, for whatever reason, if one is uncomfortable doing so.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 22, 2007, 11:32:28 AM
Those of you who say no, how do people take it when you refuse to give them a recipe?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on October 22, 2007, 11:37:29 AM
Those of you who say no, how do people take it when you refuse to give them a recipe?

No one has ever thrown a hissy fit. I think the most common response is "Well, will you make me a batch then?"  ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: rashea on October 22, 2007, 11:42:21 AM
Those of you who say no, how do people take it when you refuse to give them a recipe?

Some people get really huffy about it. They go on and on about how selfish it is not to share, and how I just want to make myself look good. These are the people who remind me why there are some recipes I don't give out.

Some people are great about it. They'll say, "that's too bad, I'll just have to visit you more often" or something like that. For one of those people, I might eventually share some recipes, especially if I know they can cook it correctly. More often (many of my friends are young) I'll invite them over sometime and show them how to make it. That way they see the work that has to go into it if it is going to work, and they can decide if they want to make that effort again.

There is one exception I make. I'll list ingredients for a recipe on request (and just in general if I'm going to a potluck or something). Some of my secret ingredients could cause an allergic reaction. Like putting almond extract in brownies that people think must be safe since there are no visible nuts.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Tabbage on October 22, 2007, 11:57:49 AM
I wouldn't expect cookbook authors or restaurant owners to give away their recipes -- those are situations where "intellectual property" is more than just a big-sounding word.  Intellectual property is a serious legal term used to protect people who have a financial or business interest in a particular "product of the mind".  I also wouldn't expect someone to violate copyright laws and hand out a bunch of photocopied recipes out of a cookbook.

Unless you plan on selling your recipes, giving them away is not going to hurt you.  And if you're worried someone else will botch your recipe, I seriously doubt your reputation will be permanently ruined as a a result.  People who know you will hopefully know that you make it better than that.

I still think that recipe hoarding is a typically a personal power play.  I'd bet some folks even get a little charge everytime they get to say "no" to someone.  Ooooh, the power....  I just can't imagine looking a friend dead in the face and saying "I will not share this with you."

I don't even view this as an etiquette issue, or one of people being "entitled" to my recipes or anything else.  I just can't see any legitimate reason (other than being sworn by the person who gave it to you, or avoiding copyright infringement) not to share a recipe with someone who is genuinely interested in it.

Again, so much of this seems to come down to *pride*, and I don't mean the wholesome feeling we get when we see our daughter on stage at her ballet recital.

I'd really be interested in knowing not so much the "theories" behind those of you who don't share recipes, but what actually goes through your head when you are face to face with a friend or neighbor and tell them "NO".  Do you feel a little bad?  Do you feel a rush of superiority?  A sense of victory?  A small feeling of power and control in a world gone mad?

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MDefarge on October 22, 2007, 12:10:40 PM
I wouldn't expect cookbook authors or restaurant owners to give away their recipes -- those are situations where "intellectual property" is more than just a big-sounding word.  Intellectual property is a serious legal term used to protect people who have a financial or business interest in a particular "product of the mind".  I also wouldn't expect someone to violate copyright laws and hand out a bunch of photocopied recipes out of a cookbook.

Unless you plan on selling your recipes, giving them away is not going to hurt you.  And if you're worried someone else will botch your recipe, I seriously doubt your reputation will be permanently ruined as a a result.  People who know you will hopefully know that you make it better than that.

I still think that recipe hoarding is a typically a personal power play.  I'd bet some folks even get a little charge everytime they get to say "no" to someone.  Ooooh, the power....  I just can't imagine looking a friend dead in the face and saying "I will not share this with you."

I don't even view this as an etiquette issue, or one of people being "entitled" to my recipes or anything else.  I just can't see any legitimate reason (other than being sworn by the person who gave it to you, or avoiding copyright infringement) not to share a recipe with someone who is genuinely interested in it.

Again, so much of this seems to come down to *pride*, and I don't mean the wholesome feeling we get when we see our daughter on stage at her ballet recital.

I'd really be interested in knowing not so much the "theories" behind those of you who don't share recipes, but what actually goes through your head when you are face to face with a friend or neighbor and tell them "NO".  Do you feel a little bad?  Do you feel a rush of superiority?  A sense of victory?  A small feeling of power and control in a world gone mad?



Tabbage, you might want to cool it a bit with the inflammatory statements. And I didn't hear a single poster say that *you* couldn't share every single recipe you ever come across - just explaining why *they* don't. And I CERTAINLY haven't seen anyone judging YOU for it the way you are doing to others, so like I said, maybe take it down a notch or ten.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: ladiedeathe on October 22, 2007, 12:23:40 PM
Tabbage- let me be more cold bloodedly honest in my reply.

Many of my friends (though certainly not all) are poorer than dirt- they are dear people I have met working 3 days a week in an inner city nursing home, others I know from college, writing groups, synagogue, or just hanging out. I have income from my writing, my nursing job, and my trust funds- I am financially comfy.

I have dinner parties. I make some recipes they could never, ever, afford to make, with ingredients they could never afford to buy, using techniques I went to years of expensive cooking classes to learn. These are the recipes I get asked for the most often. Some of the things I serve cost more per person than the person eating makes in 3 or 4 days of work. It is my privelege to offer my friends nice things, things they could never afford in a restaurant, or to make themselves, or even to taste in some cases. I do this for the love of my hobby and appreciation for my friends.

My biggest joy is in never letting them know the cost. Ever. These are cool, proud people, many of whom would never feel comfortable in my home again if they knew what it cost me to feed them.

I am not a professional chef, or even a wounderous one; but I am a very good cook with the ability to get the ingredients to make the foods I prefer to share, and the skills to develope new and interesting recipes based on these foods.

Quote
I'd really be interested in knowing not so much the "theories" behind those of you who don't share recipes, but what actually goes through your head when you are face to face with a friend or neighbor and tell them "NO".  Do you feel a little bad?  Do you feel a rush of superiority?  A sense of victory?  A small feeling of power and control in a world gone mad?

I am sickened by your quote above- what goes through my mind is "I hope they never realize the time, money, and effort it took to make that dish, and then don't understand what a labor of love it was." It is far kinder and easier for me to tell people I don't give out my super special recipes than to give the recipe and make them feel either beholden to me or ashemed because they can neither afford nor understand how to make what I did.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: rashea on October 22, 2007, 12:59:26 PM
Tabbage, I have to admit to being shocked and insulted by your post. Yes, some of it has to do with pride. I am proud of the work that went into creating a recipe that I love. In the case of one or two friends, it has to do with being blamed when theirs didn't turn out as well (either because the didn't or couldn't follow the instructions), why on earth would I continue to give them recipes. Some of it has to do with wanting to have a few signature dishes, especially around the holidays.

It has nothing to do with me being controlling, and I resent that accusation. I don't get a power surge from saying no to someone, and I'm usually more than willing to pass a recipe on. You can call these "theories" or rationalizations all you want. That doesn't change anything.

Would you accuse an author of getting a surge when they say no to giving away copies of their books?

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on October 22, 2007, 01:10:44 PM
I wouldn't expect cookbook authors or restaurant owners to give away their recipes -- those are situations where "intellectual property" is more than just a big-sounding word.  Intellectual property is a serious legal term used to protect people who have a financial or business interest in a particular "product of the mind".  I also wouldn't expect someone to violate copyright laws and hand out a bunch of photocopied recipes out of a cookbook.

Unless you plan on selling your recipes, giving them away is not going to hurt you.  And if you're worried someone else will botch your recipe, I seriously doubt your reputation will be permanently ruined as a a result.  People who know you will hopefully know that you make it better than that.

I still think that recipe hoarding is a typically a personal power play.  I'd bet some folks even get a little charge everytime they get to say "no" to someone.  Ooooh, the power....  I just can't imagine looking a friend dead in the face and saying "I will not share this with you."

I don't even view this as an etiquette issue, or one of people being "entitled" to my recipes or anything else.  I just can't see any legitimate reason (other than being sworn by the person who gave it to you, or avoiding copyright infringement) not to share a recipe with someone who is genuinely interested in it.

Again, so much of this seems to come down to *pride*, and I don't mean the wholesome feeling we get when we see our daughter on stage at her ballet recital.

I'd really be interested in knowing not so much the "theories" behind those of you who don't share recipes, but what actually goes through your head when you are face to face with a friend or neighbor and tell them "NO".  Do you feel a little bad?  Do you feel a rush of superiority?  A sense of victory?  A small feeling of power and control in a world gone mad?



I very seldom take offense at posts.  But this particular has a lot of assumptions about a lot of people.

Why in the world would saying no be a power trip?

If someone asks me to watch their children, and I say no, am I on a power trip?
If someone tells me to make them a quilt, and I say that won't be possible, am I on a power trip?
If someone asks me to take care of their pet while they are gone for two weeks, and I say no, am I on a power trip?
If someone wants to borrow one of my DVDs, and I say no, am I on a power trip?

No does not equal power trip, in fact, we often tell people no is a complete sentence.  It is a polite thing to say and often when not said, many ill feelings result.

You are so way off base here.  Anything else I say could end up putting me in ehell.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 22, 2007, 01:13:28 PM
Those of you who say no, how do people take it when you refuse to give them a recipe?

Depends on the recipe.  Most of the recipes I refuse to give out are my 'kitchen witchery' recipes, which include recipes for bath products, cold medicine, etc...  I don't give them out because, well, I've unfortunately seen what happens when someone with a lack of herbal knowledge uses stuff incorrectly, and I NEVER want to feel responsible for something like that ever again.  I'll share the harmless stuff (like the face masks), but my hyssop cough suppressant or sage incense?  No.  I've even reached the point with some of my recipes that you have to okay it with your doctor before I will make it for you.

And some of those I do sell the results, so I'm absolutely not going to hand over the recipe to anyone who wants it.

Others, I respond, 'I got it from this cookbook, you can purchase it here'.  And others are very personal to me, and if you aren't someone I'm willing to give a handmade quilt to, you probably aren't someone I'm willing to hand one of those recipes over to.

Quote
I'd really be interested in knowing not so much the "theories" behind those of you who don't share recipes, but what actually goes through your head when you are face to face with a friend or neighbor and tell them "NO".  Do you feel a little bad?  Do you feel a rush of superiority?  A sense of victory?  A small feeling of power and control in a world gone mad?

To be absolutely blunt - Because I don't like giving into people like you.

Quote
I just can't see any legitimate reason (other than being sworn by the person who gave it to you, or avoiding copyright infringement) not to share a recipe with someone who is genuinely interested in it.

You've been given many legitimate reasons.  Your desire to have your own way is not our problem.  Frankly, if you expressed this attitude after I told you 'I prefer not to give that recipe out', you'd be told to leave my home and never return again.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on October 22, 2007, 01:14:23 PM
I'd really be interested in knowing not so much the "theories" behind those of you who don't share recipes, but what actually goes through your head when you are face to face with a friend or neighbor and tell them "NO".  Do you feel a little bad?  Do you feel a rush of superiority?  A sense of victory?  A small feeling of power and control in a world gone mad?


I agree with a lot of other posters a lot of your post are coming off harsh and rude to people who do not share  their recipes all i will say is that it is each persons decision whether or not to share a recipe and if you choose not to you should be judge harshly  you should be respected because that is your choice it has nothing to do with superiority, victory, or power and control .
Shay
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: willow08 on October 22, 2007, 01:18:14 PM
Anybody know a good recipe for bean dip?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 22, 2007, 01:19:51 PM
Anybody know a good recipe for bean dip?

Not that I'm willing to share ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Shores on October 22, 2007, 01:24:12 PM
Anybody know a good recipe for bean dip?

Not that I'm willing to share ;)
now THAT was a good segue into "bean dip" :P
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 22, 2007, 01:27:31 PM
Among things learned the hard way, contrary to what my friend Liz says, mashed pinto beans do not make a good face mask.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: rashea on October 22, 2007, 01:27:52 PM
Those of you who say no, how do people take it when you refuse to give them a recipe?

Depends on the recipe.  Most of the recipes I refuse to give out are my 'kitchen witchery' recipes, which include recipes for bath products, cold medicine, etc...  I don't give them out because, well, I've unfortunately seen what happens when someone with a lack of herbal knowledge uses stuff incorrectly, and I NEVER want to feel responsible for something like that ever again.  I'll share the harmless stuff (like the face masks), but my hyssop cough suppressant or sage incense?  No.  I've even reached the point with some of my recipes that you have to okay it with your doctor before I will make it for you.

And some of those I do sell the results, so I'm absolutely not going to hand over the recipe to anyone who wants it.


I put my kitchen witchery recipes in a whole other category. These do not get shared. I too make some that are very powerful. While they work, they can be dangerous if you do not know what you are doing. I worked very hard to gain the knowledge necessary to make those recipes, I would actually be irresponsible if I shared them without a knowledge of the persons medical history.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: jimithing on October 22, 2007, 01:30:44 PM
I wouldn't expect cookbook authors or restaurant owners to give away their recipes -- those are situations where "intellectual property" is more than just a big-sounding word.  Intellectual property is a serious legal term used to protect people who have a financial or business interest in a particular "product of the mind".  I also wouldn't expect someone to violate copyright laws and hand out a bunch of photocopied recipes out of a cookbook.

Unless you plan on selling your recipes, giving them away is not going to hurt you.  And if you're worried someone else will botch your recipe, I seriously doubt your reputation will be permanently ruined as a a result.  People who know you will hopefully know that you make it better than that.

I still think that recipe hoarding is a typically a personal power play.  I'd bet some folks even get a little charge everytime they get to say "no" to someone.  Ooooh, the power....  I just can't imagine looking a friend dead in the face and saying "I will not share this with you."

I don't even view this as an etiquette issue, or one of people being "entitled" to my recipes or anything else.  I just can't see any legitimate reason (other than being sworn by the person who gave it to you, or avoiding copyright infringement) not to share a recipe with someone who is genuinely interested in it.

Again, so much of this seems to come down to *pride*, and I don't mean the wholesome feeling we get when we see our daughter on stage at her ballet recital.

I'd really be interested in knowing not so much the "theories" behind those of you who don't share recipes, but what actually goes through your head when you are face to face with a friend or neighbor and tell them "NO".  Do you feel a little bad?  Do you feel a rush of superiority?  A sense of victory?  A small feeling of power and control in a world gone mad?



I very seldom take offense at posts.  But this particular has a lot of assumptions about a lot of people.


I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt this way.  I rarely post the "Interesting Assumption" line on this board, but I felt that the tone and comments in these posts warrant it. 

Tabbage, I agree that your posts are insulting and condescending.  You would probably get much more honest responses by asking a simple question about why people don't want to share, which has been explained more than once by many posters.  But by assuming that posters who don't share are on a power trip and like to look down on others is extremely judgemental and patronizing.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 22, 2007, 01:33:29 PM
Those of you who say no, how do people take it when you refuse to give them a recipe?

Depends on the recipe.  Most of the recipes I refuse to give out are my 'kitchen witchery' recipes, which include recipes for bath products, cold medicine, etc...  I don't give them out because, well, I've unfortunately seen what happens when someone with a lack of herbal knowledge uses stuff incorrectly, and I NEVER want to feel responsible for something like that ever again.  I'll share the harmless stuff (like the face masks), but my hyssop cough suppressant or sage incense?  No.  I've even reached the point with some of my recipes that you have to okay it with your doctor before I will make it for you.

And some of those I do sell the results, so I'm absolutely not going to hand over the recipe to anyone who wants it.

Others, I respond, 'I got it from this cookbook, you can purchase it here'.  And others are very personal to me, and if you aren't someone I'm willing to give a handmade quilt to, you probably aren't someone I'm willing to hand one of those recipes over to.

OK, but how do others respond?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: LissaR1 on October 22, 2007, 01:35:15 PM
I've asked for recipes before and been told no.  I shrug, smile, change the subject, and don't think any less of the person who refused.  Personally, I really don't think it's a big deal.

Hehehe.  Once, someone asked my grandmother for her recipe for coleslaw.  She had to refuse, because she'd picked it up from KFC and put it in one of her own bowls!  My grandmother was a wonderful woman who could do a whole host of things amazingly well, but cooking was NOT one of them!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bibliophile on October 22, 2007, 01:38:01 PM
Hehehe.  Once, someone asked my grandmother for her recipe for coleslaw.  She had to refuse, because she'd picked it up from KFC and put it in one of her own bowls!  My grandmother was a wonderful woman who could do a whole host of things amazingly well, but cooking was NOT one of them!

ROFL!  That is so funny!  Next time I hear someone refusing to give a recipe, that'll probably be my first thought now!   >:D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: willow08 on October 22, 2007, 01:39:33 PM
Anybody know a good recipe for bean dip?

Not that I'm willing to share ;)
now THAT was a good segue into "bean dip" :P

Thank you!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on October 22, 2007, 01:39:56 PM
Mash kidney beans and garbanzo beans (50/50) and add the juice from three-bean salad until you reach your desired consistency and taste.  Season, if desired, with some pickled garlic and sundried tomatoes.  

Tastes wonderful on tortilla chips and most plain crackers.

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: willow08 on October 22, 2007, 01:40:38 PM
Among things learned the hard way, contrary to what my friend Liz says, mashed pinto beans do not make a good face mask.

But I'll bet they make excellent grout sealer!  :P
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: rashea on October 22, 2007, 01:42:00 PM
Those of you who say no, how do people take it when you refuse to give them a recipe?

Depends on the recipe.  Most of the recipes I refuse to give out are my 'kitchen witchery' recipes, which include recipes for bath products, cold medicine, etc...  I don't give them out because, well, I've unfortunately seen what happens when someone with a lack of herbal knowledge uses stuff incorrectly, and I NEVER want to feel responsible for something like that ever again.  I'll share the harmless stuff (like the face masks), but my hyssop cough suppressant or sage incense?  No.  I've even reached the point with some of my recipes that you have to okay it with your doctor before I will make it for you.

And some of those I do sell the results, so I'm absolutely not going to hand over the recipe to anyone who wants it.

Others, I respond, 'I got it from this cookbook, you can purchase it here'.  And others are very personal to me, and if you aren't someone I'm willing to give a handmade quilt to, you probably aren't someone I'm willing to hand one of those recipes over to.

OK, but how do others respond?

For kitchen witchery (and I've responded to the other kind), most people I know understand. They understand better when I explain that this is essentially a medication. You don't hand out recipes for medication without knowing who will take it and why and what side effects exist. I will suggest that if they are interested there is a local shop that offers classes. Some recipes I'll give out, like how to make some basic cough drops, but few people are willing to take the time to make them homemade when you can buy them so easily at the store.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on October 22, 2007, 01:49:19 PM
Tabbage,
I do share if it is a recipe I have culled from a cookbook or a magazine

I don't share because:
I promised my grandfather I would never give away his recipe for chili powder

You (general you) would cease to eat my caesar salad if you knew it had anchovies in it. (Don't worry, all of my dinner-party friends are at least piscovores. I'm not sabotaging anyone)

Because a great deal of the time it isn't the recipe that makes the meal, it's the technique. Knowing how much to knead a certain kind of bread or the particular sheen that tempered chocolate has is skill.

I know some of my friends will ruin the recipe (trying to make a low-fat cream sauce, substituting white sugar for brown, etc) and blame me for giving them the wrong one. This creates more hurt feelings on both sides than just saying 'no' up front.

And finally,
I am proud of my recipe for ribs. I am 'child at a ballet recital' proud of them. I put a lot of work into making *my* ribs the best you (general you) have ever had. I really, really, really want my barbecue ribs to be better than yours. I do feel a little rush of superiority and victory when asked for the recipe because that means my recipe is now acknowledged as superior. I have put a lot of trial and error and financial investment into my recipe and I don't feel a bit bad about keeping it for myself. It's like any other craft, if you put the work into the technique it is completely up to you on what to do with it.

Generally my friends take it well when I won't give them a recipe. There's not much you can do in the face of 'secret family recipe'
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 22, 2007, 01:51:58 PM
I ask about their responses because if I complimented a home cook on a dish and asked for the recipe and she told me no, I think I'd feel very much put in my place. I'd get over it, but I'd definitely feel uncomfortable. FWIW.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on October 22, 2007, 01:59:21 PM
You (general you) would cease to eat my caesar salad if you knew it had anchovies in it.

Doesn't all ceasar dressing? I'm honestly curious, as I don't think I've ever seen a recipe without it.

yes but a lot of people leave them out because 'anchovies are disgusting'  ::)

As far as saying 'no' goes I rarely give a flat-out 'no' (unless someone asks for my ribs recipe. They really should know better).
"Secret family recipe"
"It's all in the secret ingrediant"
"I never make it the same way twice"
"Honestly I just made this up on the fly"
"I haven't written one down"
All work equally well for me. But generally I stick with "Secret family recipe"
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: truefarmgirl on October 22, 2007, 02:01:48 PM
My family has no problem giving out recipes, we share with everyone, but my husband's family refuses to share at all. I admit I get frustrated when his aunt won't give me her barbecue sauce recipe, but try my best to understand. She does have a good reason, she cooks for the Volunteer Fire Department fundraising dinners and she is afraid the other VFD's will get hold of her recipe. Her sauce draws in a lot of business and if people could get it anywhere, they might not be so loyal to her VFD. However her apple-cranberry tart I think she could share with me.  :)

We had an issue with a local newspaper publishing recipes out of the church cookbook and not crediting the book... I think that's where you draw the line.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Snarky VorFemme on October 22, 2007, 02:03:22 PM
Tabbage,

Promising my MIL that I would not share the family recipes that she handed over to me is a power trip?

So be it, I am a cooking goddess in my own kitchen - feel my might.

If you want the chocolate chip cookie changes that I pull on the standard Tollhouse recipe on the bag?  It's already posted in the recipe section. 

I ran out of vanilla extract halfway through a batch and substituted almond flavoring for the rest of the vanilla - then discovered (trial & error reading books on "kitchen chemistry") that the melting point of various fats differed and which fats made cake-type cookies (biscuits for the UK), which made bar type cookies, and so forth - then tweaked the substitution list to make a cookie that was the perfect CHEWY cookie (also works for bar cookies but is not cake-like). 

I think VorFemme has already posted it to the recipe folder some time since..........

Now - as to how to sew a knitting bag like mine with a hidden compartment for a blaster & stunner?  I am not sharing - you  might work for airport security.

 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 22, 2007, 02:04:18 PM
Those of you who say no, how do people take it when you refuse to give them a recipe?

Depends on the recipe.  Most of the recipes I refuse to give out are my 'kitchen witchery' recipes, which include recipes for bath products, cold medicine, etc...  I don't give them out because, well, I've unfortunately seen what happens when someone with a lack of herbal knowledge uses stuff incorrectly, and I NEVER want to feel responsible for something like that ever again.  I'll share the harmless stuff (like the face masks), but my hyssop cough suppressant or sage incense?  No.  I've even reached the point with some of my recipes that you have to okay it with your doctor before I will make it for you.

And some of those I do sell the results, so I'm absolutely not going to hand over the recipe to anyone who wants it.

Others, I respond, 'I got it from this cookbook, you can purchase it here'.  And others are very personal to me, and if you aren't someone I'm willing to give a handmade quilt to, you probably aren't someone I'm willing to hand one of those recipes over to.

OK, but how do others respond?

It depends.  I myself have been told "no" by some, including my grandmother.  She would just smile and say "sorry I can't, those are Nana's and she didn't want them shared" (her mother). I was ok with tht, because it made it special when I had it at her house. This was before I became adept in the kitchen.  Once she had tasted some of my dishes and saw I was pretty good, she shocked me at Christmas one year by offering me her ultra super secret recipe for Black Forest Cake, that had been in her family for a long time.  She winked at me and said "I trust you to do right by this and also to not share it".  It's the same thing with me, if I know someone can dojustice to some of my more elaborate recipes, I give themthe recipe.  If they can't, as I mentioned previously, then I just smile and say "I'm sorry it's a family recipe, I'm forbidden from sharing it, but I'l  make it anytime you want!" :)  Usually they justs mile and are like "ok, no worries!" SOmetimes I just hedge and say that I'm "still working on it".  It depends what feels right at the time. SOme are totally ok with it and some, as others here have stated, get huffy.  As far as I'm concerned those people will now *never* get a recipe from me.  I offered them hospitality and because I didn't go the one step further that *they* wanted they cop an attitude? Well then I guess since my hospitality that was offered wasn't enough I won't be offering it again! ::)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 22, 2007, 02:05:25 PM
OK, but how do others respond?

Few actually ask for a reason once they hear 'I prefer not to give that out'.  Those that do ask for a reason are mostly just curious, and are pretty understanding when I give the reasons I listed above.  The rest?  Well, they aren't the folks I'd give something to even if I was ordinarily willing to give it out.  Occasionally someone will come back with a counter offer of 'if you'll give me that recipe I'll give you this one', and I'm willing to rethink my stance.

Quote
For kitchen witchery (and I've responded to the other kind), most people I know understand. They understand better when I explain that this is essentially a medication. You don't hand out recipes for medication without knowing who will take it and why and what side effects exist. I will suggest that if they are interested there is a local shop that offers classes. Some recipes I'll give out, like how to make some basic cough drops, but few people are willing to take the time to make them homemade when you can buy them so easily at the store.

My other reason for not giving out kitchen witchery recipes is how often I end up getting a lecture about religion when I give the background of the recipe (and certain people wonder why I've stopped issuing them invitations).  I do love sharing with other kitchen witches though, PM me if you are interested in an exchange.  I'm working on typing up all my stuff from the various locations I've jotted them down throughout the years.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: LB on October 22, 2007, 02:07:30 PM
I have to say, I'm very jealous of anyone who can develop, invent, or manipulate a recipe to make something even better. My mom is a great cook, but for some reason, didn't spend a lot of time teaching me. She doesn't measure much of anything, and does things, "till it looks right." I'm slowly becoming more competent, reading and taking a cooking class here and there.

I finally have ONE dish that I would consider a "signature dish" of mine. I got the main recipe from an online source and made it two or three times before I decided to try spicing it up a little and added something to the recipe. It turned out great. I was so happy when my mom asked me for the recipe!

My mom has a "signature dish" too. She makes incredible clam chowder. No one else's ever tastes even close to the same to me. The first time I was helping her make it and she told me to "add this until it looks right." I said "Okay" as she left the room. Then I started wondering how I was going to know if it looked right! I know she worked on it for years, and she has told me before that she's going to work on pinning down the exact recipe so she can pass it on to me and my sister, but she'll never give it to anyone else.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on October 22, 2007, 02:16:01 PM
I'd really be interested in knowing not so much the "theories" behind those of you who don't share recipes, but what actually goes through your head when you are face to face with a friend or neighbor and tell them "NO".  Do you feel a little bad?  Do you feel a rush of superiority?  A sense of victory?  A small feeling of power and control in a world gone mad?


You're onto me. That's exactly why I do it. Because I love the feeling of power because I have the recipe for Koolaid Pickles with Hamster Sauce and you do not!!! BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: rashea on October 22, 2007, 02:17:04 PM

My mom has a "signature dish" too. She makes incredible clam chowder. No one else's ever tastes even close to the same to me. The first time I was helping her make it and she told me to "add this until it looks right." I said "Okay" as she left the room. Then I started wondering how I was going to know if it looked right! I know she worked on it for years, and she has told me before that she's going to work on pinning down the exact recipe so she can pass it on to me and my sister, but she'll never give it to anyone else.

My Dad does this with turkey soup. I was so proud the first year he asked my advice on seasoning it (I love herbs). Of course now I tease him that he just wanted to get out of making it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 22, 2007, 02:33:56 PM
Koolaid Pickles with Hamster Sauce

Okay, that's too funny.  I have a recipe labeled 'pickled hamster in red sauce*'.  That's what happens when you let my little sister name recipes.

*it's a meatball sauce recipe.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on October 22, 2007, 02:37:06 PM
Koolaid Pickles with Hamster Sauce

Okay, that's too funny.  I have a recipe labeled 'pickled hamster in red sauce*'.  That's what happens when you let my little sister name recipes.

*it's a meatball sauce recipe.

I once made roasted red potatoes. While carrying the container I tripped and the potatoes rolled everywhere (a tiny stampede of roasted red potatoes). My mom shouted "Watch out for the hamsters!"
So now I have a recipe for 'roasted hamsters'
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: nrb80 on October 22, 2007, 02:45:12 PM
<shrug>  I've had "NRB80s pumpkin soup" and "NRB80s chocolate raspberry cake" served to me and I've loved it. 

There are recipies I either would not or could not share (improvised and not measured).  I have shared recipies in painstaking detail and a dear friend could not recreate it. 

Quote
I've stopped sharing certain recipes because I don't want to to see my favorite recipes eliminated because of over-use in my social circle.  In other words, serving my guests my "Chicken Adoration" dish after they've had it four other times at four other host's homes doesn't make much sense.   I want my special recipes to remain special and only available when dining in my home -- not in half the homes in my neighborhood.

People who would use your best recipes in the same social crowd as you are RUDE. I would never think of using my friend's recipes with people that we mutually entertain.

My friend Sarah and I always share recipes, but I know her cheese and artichoke dip is hers and my stuffed mushrooms are mine. We would never think of using those recipes in our own crowd. But I have made her dip to feed relatives and people who do not know her, and she's used mine in the same situations.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: megswsu on October 22, 2007, 02:48:55 PM
I am so jealous of those who can just "cook on the fly" and add stuff here and there and continue to experiment until the perfect receipe is made. I consider myself a very good baker, and a good cook (getting better), but 90% of the time I need a friggin receipe! I thrive w/measurements. So nearly everything I make is from a cookbook, magazine, etc. But I do them justice goshdarnit!  ;D  If someone were to tell me they didn't want to give out their receipe, I would be disappointed, but I would understand. In the scheme of things it's not a big dea. Since I don't make up my meals, I have no problem sharing. However when my mom does give me her "Christmas Tree Roll" recepie, you can bet I won't be giving that one out!

My signature cookie is off the box.....I think I might start saying it's a "family receipe" just so I can feel cool, b/c I do wish it was. However I do think that even w/my baked goods that are off a box or whatever, I make them better simply b/c I use better quality ingredients and take my time to make sure everything is mixed properly.....unlike my mom who tends to rush through her cookies. And she wonders why mine turn out better!  ::)  :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on October 22, 2007, 03:05:09 PM
Those of you who say no, how do people take it when you refuse to give them a recipe?


I've only had one person get mad at me for not sharing a recipe....and frankly she was enough of a brat that I couldn't have cared less if she never spoke to me again.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 22, 2007, 03:07:45 PM
Well, it's been an interesting thread. I think I'll just add asking for recipes to my list of things I will not be doing in the future.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: cass2591 on October 22, 2007, 03:13:48 PM
Tabbage, there are so many non-offensive ways to get your point across about your view on sharing recipes that it boggles the mind that you chose to be so nasty. For example, if you'd said something along the lines of "Gee, I don't mind sharing my recipes with others" etc, and left the editorial content out.

I strongly suggest you think before you post. This is your only notice.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on October 22, 2007, 03:16:41 PM
Well, it's been an interesting thread. I think I'll just add asking for recipes to my list of things I will not be doing in the future.

There's no reason to be personally offended just because someone chooses not to share a recipe with you. It doesn't mean "No, Flora Louise, you are unworthy of my recipe." It means some people won't give some recipes out to anyone. Don't take it personally. It's not rude to ask. It's just rude to pitch a fit if the answer is "no."
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 22, 2007, 03:17:31 PM
Well, it's been an interesting thread. I think I'll just add asking for recipes to my list of things I will not be doing in the future.

Just ask politely, and don't get upset if someone prefers to keep a recipe to themselves, and you'll be fine.  95% of my recipes I'm willing to share (and to date, my recipe database has around 1900 entries).  The rest, well, I have my reasons why not.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: beakiebean on October 22, 2007, 03:18:17 PM
I make my grandma's noodles all the time-Dh always says-they're good but they just don't taste like your grandma's. I always say that's because she is the master and I'm just the student.   :)

When I was little I loved grandma's noodles and I loved my mom's noodles. They were both different but both so yummy. When I moved out on my own I asked my mom for her noodle recipe because I was craving her noodles and she said, "Oh it's your grandma's recipe-mine just never turn out like her's." Lol-go figure I use grandma's recipe too and my noodles don't end up tasting like hers of my moms.


The cooking on the fly thing-a lot of it for me was just messing around, trial and error, or trying to salvage a kitchen disaster and having it turn out surprisingly well. I made this recipe for thin egg pancakes off of allrecipes.com the other night. Man-they weren't kidding when they said thin they were like crepe thin. I knew DH wasn't going to eat them as pancakes so I took the hashbrowns, eggs, and bacon that were supposed to go on the side, rolled them up in the pancakes, topped them with cheese, and nuked them to melt the cheese on top.   DH went crazy for them and demanded they go in the regular recipe rotation and never knew he almost got served the worlds thinnest pancakes.

When I first started cooking I pretty much followed the recipe but as I cooked more I got to know what I like-for example in our house there's little that can't be made better with a healthy dose of garlic. Sometimes I try things and they taste like death and sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised. I tweaked an asiago dip recipe once that looked and smelled a lot like cat yack but CRUD MONKEYS! was it good. I just always have to mention to people when I serve it that it's better than it looks-I've only had a couple of people who didn't care for it-most love it.

And of course when cooking on the fly it's always a good idea to have a jar of peanut butter and some bread in the house-when all else fails a peanut butter sandwich can save the day.  ;D

Becca
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: jimithing on October 22, 2007, 03:19:47 PM
Well, it's been an interesting thread. I think I'll just add asking for recipes to my list of things I will not be doing in the future.

Asking is never the problem. Not accepting the answer you're given is. :)

I agree that it's fine to ask.  Many people are happy to give recipes.  Just be prepared to hear "no."
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 22, 2007, 03:22:27 PM

When I first started cooking I pretty much followed the recipe but as I cooked more I got to know what I like-for example in our house there's little that can't be made better with a healthy dose of garlic.


That's my personal cooking philosophy too ;D  Don't try it with Pepsi, though, trust me  :-X
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 22, 2007, 03:37:49 PM
I have a question for Tabbage:

So if I were at work and was given a project (or took on one to help promote myself--or is that "pride"?), and did massive research, spent countless late nights at the office, cultivated client confidence, and wrote an outstanding report and had pie charts and presentations ready, and my coworker wanted me to give him the entire package so *he* could present it and get the kudos for it (and the promotion), I am required, according to your ethics, to give it up to him (because he ASKED me to)? And if I don't then I'm full of "pride" and selfish and hoarding it all to myself so I can feel superior and powerful?  Because frankly it doesn't make much sense to me.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: theresa on October 22, 2007, 03:38:54 PM
I ask about their responses because if I complimented a home cook on a dish and asked for the recipe and she told me no, I think I'd feel very much put in my place. I'd get over it, but I'd definitely feel uncomfortable. FWIW.
I would also feel very uncomfortable.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bob Ducca on October 22, 2007, 03:43:52 PM
I ask about their responses because if I complimented a home cook on a dish and asked for the recipe and she told me no, I think I'd feel very much put in my place. I'd get over it, but I'd definitely feel uncomfortable. FWIW.
I would also feel very uncomfortable.

Does it matter how the "no" is worded?  I could understand how a curt, flat, "No," would make you uncomfortable, but if you asked and the cook responded, "Oh, I can't share this recipe, it's a family secret!" you would really feel uncomfortable?

I guess the two situations sound totally different in my head:

You: That was delicious!  Can I have the recipe?
Cook: No.
<akward silence>

You: That was delicious! Can I have the recipe?
Cook: Oh, my dear, that's a well-guarded family secret.  I can only let you have it when you marry my son!
<laughter>

To me, the second scenario sounds totally different than the first, and I can't imagine being offended.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 22, 2007, 03:49:03 PM
Well, yes, I know it's not rude to ask but why set myself up for rejection? Until I read this thread, I had no idea the real reason someone might not give me a recipe upon request is that she thinks I'm not a good enough cook to do it justice. Now, that's the first thing that would come to mind.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bibliophile on October 22, 2007, 03:50:18 PM
Well, yes, I know it's not rude to ask but why set myself up for rejection? Until I read this thread, I had no idea the real reason someone might not give me a recipe upon request is that she thinks I'm not a good enough cook to do it justice. Now, that's the first thing that would come to mind.

Oh!!  No no no!!!  The first thing should be that they bought the item and are trying to pass it off as homemade!  It'll make you feel so much better  >:D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 22, 2007, 03:55:25 PM
Ah ha!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 22, 2007, 03:57:13 PM
Well, yes, I know it's not rude to ask but why set myself up for rejection? Until I read this thread, I had no idea the real reason someone might not give me a recipe upon request is that she thinks I'm not a good enough cook to do it justice. Now, that's the first thing that would come to mind.

Oh!!  No no no!!!  The first thing should be that they bought the item and are trying to pass it off as homemade!  It'll make you feel so much better  >:D

That's what I'd assume too, unless the person seemed condescending somehow.  Then again, I had no qualms about telling inquiring guests that the wedding cake I made for my friend was a Betty Crocker original :)  It still turned out mighty tasty ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on October 22, 2007, 03:59:44 PM
 Tabbage:

 I have a "pet" needlework project that I have been designing by hand ( no computer programs involved) for years. It's a lot of research, time and work invested in it. And I have had several folks tell me "I want to stitch that, Can I photocopy it? "  According to your line of thought, I am selfish and on a power play because I don't just hand over, over a decade's worth of work to anyone who wants it? 


And Flora Louise: No, don't feel put in your place...99% of the time I simply don't have a workable recipe. If someone says to you "No." and leaves it at that, I can seen feeling put out, sort of. But if someone says "It's something I learned from Grandma and there is no recipe." they are probably being very honest with you.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bibliophile on October 22, 2007, 03:59:52 PM
My mom's asked for my spagetti sauce recipe before and I can't give it to her...  It's never the same - I just buy 2 jars of sauce and "doctor them up".  I use all sorts of stuff in there depending on what's in the fridge/freezer/pantry.  Other than that, I'd normally give up a recipe.  If someone really wants my cheesecake recipe that I'm "famous" for, and wants to spend the 4 hours to make it, more power to 'em.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 22, 2007, 04:03:38 PM
So, those of you who don't like to share recipes, are you ok with someone politely asking why when you say no?  Because I would understand someone not sharing a recipe, but I'd be upset if they wouldn't even tell me why (hopefully if they thought I wasn't capable of cooking it, they'd gloss over that part ;) ).

kcbrig, feel free to put that 4 hour cheesecake in the recipe folder ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bibliophile on October 22, 2007, 04:05:24 PM
kcbrig, feel free to put that 4 hour cheesecake in the recipe folder ;D

Ok :)  I'll work on that later - it's actually from the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art cookbook & I just "doctored it up" a bit.  It's white chocolate cheesecake with lime curd.  I'm working on a variation that isn't quite ready for its unveiling yet...
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on October 22, 2007, 04:06:34 PM
I have to say, I'm very jealous of anyone who can develop, invent, or manipulate a recipe to make something even better. My mom is a great cook, but for some reason, didn't spend a lot of time teaching me. She doesn't measure much of anything, and does things, "till it looks right." I'm slowly becoming more competent, reading and taking a cooking class here and there.



Don't be jealous...I learned by years of practice. You can too.  Trust me.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 22, 2007, 04:06:49 PM
kcbrig, feel free to put that 4 hour cheesecake in the recipe folder ;D

Ok :)  I'll work on that later - it's actually from the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art cookbook & I just "doctored it up" a bit.  It's white chocolate cheesecake with lime curd.  I'm working on a variation that isn't quite ready for its unveiling yet...

I literally just went into a dreamy, drooly little daze for a second there, at the very thought of white chocolate lime curd cheesecake.....
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on October 22, 2007, 04:07:39 PM
So, those of you who don't like to share recipes, are you ok with someone politely asking why when you say no?  Because I would understand someone not sharing a recipe, but I'd be upset if they wouldn't even tell me why (hopefully if they thought I wasn't capable of cooking it, they'd gloss over that part ;) ).


Of course I am. As long as they are willing to accept " I don't use one" as an answer.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bibliophile on October 22, 2007, 04:08:42 PM
kcbrig, feel free to put that 4 hour cheesecake in the recipe folder ;D

Ok :)  I'll work on that later - it's actually from the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art cookbook & I just "doctored it up" a bit.  It's white chocolate cheesecake with lime curd.  I'm working on a variation that isn't quite ready for its unveiling yet...

I literally just went into a dreamy, drooly little daze for a second there, at the very thought of white chocolate lime curd cheesecake.....

Yes, it's tasty  ;D  And every bit is from scratch.  I don't make it very often & can't do it in front of DH as he's on a health kick and the amount of butter needed for a curd would send him screaming and running to his weight bench for cover.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 22, 2007, 04:09:51 PM
So, those of you who don't like to share recipes, are you ok with someone politely asking why when you say no?  Because I would understand someone not sharing a recipe, but I'd be upset if they wouldn't even tell me why (hopefully if they thought I wasn't capable of cooking it, they'd gloss over that part ;) ).


Of course I am. As long as they are willing to accept " I don't use one" as an answer.

I would, although I might ask if they could give me an idea of the base, since I'm a fairly good intuitive cook myself and might have fidgeted with your recipe anyway (in which case I would present it as "I started with waterwren's base recipe but I made a few changes").
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: LB on October 22, 2007, 04:34:38 PM
I have to say, I'm very jealous of anyone who can develop, invent, or manipulate a recipe to make something even better. My mom is a great cook, but for some reason, didn't spend a lot of time teaching me. She doesn't measure much of anything, and does things, "till it looks right." I'm slowly becoming more competent, reading and taking a cooking class here and there.



Don't be jealous...I learned by years of practice. You can too.  Trust me.

Here's hoping!  ;D

I try to get as much practice as I can and there are quite a few things now that I can do mostly without looking at a recipe. I'm better at baking than anything else. And I can season meat to grill easily enough! My sister does seem to be the intuitive (and creative) type of cook. When I'm wondering how to use something I have in the freezer, I call her and she always comes up with something for me to try.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: theresa on October 22, 2007, 04:38:26 PM
I ask about their responses because if I complimented a home cook on a dish and asked for the recipe and she told me no, I think I'd feel very much put in my place. I'd get over it, but I'd definitely feel uncomfortable. FWIW.
I would also feel very uncomfortable.

Does it matter how the "no" is worded?  I could understand how a curt, flat, "No," would make you uncomfortable, but if you asked and the cook responded, "Oh, I can't share this recipe, it's a family secret!" you would really feel uncomfortable?

I guess the two situations sound totally different in my head:

You: That was delicious!  Can I have the recipe?
Cook: No.
<akward silence>

You: That was delicious! Can I have the recipe?
Cook: Oh, my dear, that's a well-guarded family secret.  I can only let you have it when you marry my son!
<laughter>

To me, the second scenario sounds totally different than the first, and I can't imagine being offended.
Yes the 2nd one is not rude and would not offend me. The 1st one would make me feel like an idiot.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Redneck Gravy on October 22, 2007, 04:44:24 PM
If I asked for a recipe and someone said no, I would definitely follow up with a why, not caring how rude I sounded.  Then I would understand their answer and not ask again (such as family recipe, no recipe - it's different everytime), but just a no, I'm probably going to blurt out why not.

If I didn't want to give someone the recipe to something (this is probably never going to happen anyway) I would just offer the ingredients and some guesstimate at the quantity with apologies that I make it different everytime.  Quite honestly, sometimes my sister comes back with improvements to my stuff so giving out a recipe sometimes helps me.  Except for my deviled eggs, they are perfect.


Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Evil Duckie on October 22, 2007, 04:53:02 PM
.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: VorFemme on October 22, 2007, 04:57:25 PM
I have had people tell me "No, it's a family recipe", "What's a recipe - I just mess around till it looks *right*", and "I could tell you but I'd have to kill you" (must have been a James Bond movie night?) and similar half-joking comments.

I have also heard someone say something along the lines of "I promised Grandma/Great-Grandma that the recipe would only be given out to relatives"..........

I've also tasted some dishes and been able to knock out a reasonable facsimile thereof (Flower of the Sea is a bed of Spanish rice served with an arrangement of shrimp that have been stuffed with a slice of jalepeno pepper, a slice of Montery Jack cheese, wrapped in bacon, and sauted in garlic butter).  Since I don't LIKE jalepeno peppers and I can't stand to clean the pan after frying shrimp stuffed with cheese - I saute the shrimp wrapped in bacon and then sprinkle the shredded cheese over the "flower" of shrimp - then nuke slightly to melt the cheese.  Jalepeno peppers are on the side............

And nobody ever noticed the leftovers going into the fridge because my version has never had any left over............or complained because it wasn't just like the restaurant version in Phoenix, Arizona twenty-five years ago............

But as to measurements?  I have no idea how to measure anything to do with the shrimp - I just remember how the dish "looked" and try to mostly match it.........more cheese?  Bigger shrimp?  More garlic (probably)?

Did it get eaten?  If there were no leftovers, that day's version must have worked out fine.....burp........
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 22, 2007, 04:59:23 PM
So, those of you who don't like to share recipes, are you ok with someone politely asking why when you say no?  Because I would understand someone not sharing a recipe, but I'd be upset if they wouldn't even tell me why (hopefully if they thought I wasn't capable of cooking it, they'd gloss over that part ;) ).

kcbrig, feel free to put that 4 hour cheesecake in the recipe folder ;D

I wouldn't mind, it would depend on who was asking and how I had presented my "No".  But then I always give a reason with my "no" along with a smile, so it isn't coming across like "NO! you can't have it!".  I usually go with the "family secret" or "I'm still working on it" type thing.  And really the only person I don't give recipes to based on lack of cooking skills is, as I mentioned in my previous post, my SIL.  It's not that she isn't a good cook, it's that she can't be bothered.  THere's a HUGE difference, at least to me.  She does things for the sake of getting them done and is like "well, it's good enough".  Well my hard tested and cultivated recipes don't deserve "good enough" to get them done, with not the right ingredients, half the effort, not seeding cucumbers when the recipe ITSELF is "Asian Seeded Cucumber Salad"   the RECIPE is seeded! If she can't be bothered to seed a cucumber, then I'm not going to bother to give her my valued recipes so she can half a** them and pass the result off as MY recipe. I would never tell anyone I don't think they are "good enough cook" for my recipes. I tell SIL now "oh I'm going to be petty and keep them, since you have so many of your own special dishes, you have to let me have a couple of showstoppers! ;) " and try ot lighten it up.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 22, 2007, 05:03:03 PM
So, those of you who don't like to share recipes, are you ok with someone politely asking why when you say no?  Because I would understand someone not sharing a recipe, but I'd be upset if they wouldn't even tell me why (hopefully if they thought I wasn't capable of cooking it, they'd gloss over that part ;) ).

kcbrig, feel free to put that 4 hour cheesecake in the recipe folder ;D

I wouldn't mind, it would depend on who was asking and how I had presented my "No".  But then I always give a reason with my "no" along with a smile, so it isn't coming across like "NO! you can't have it!".  I usually go with the "family secret" or "I'm still working on it" type thing.  And really the only person I don't give recipes to based on lack of cooking skills is, as I mentioned in my previous post, my SIL.  It's not that she isn't a good cook, it's that she can't be bothered.  THere's a HUGE difference, at least to me.  She does things for the sake of getting them done and is like "well, it's good enough".  Well my hard tested and cultivated recipes don't deserve "good enough" to get them done, with not the right ingredients, half the effort, not seeding cucumbers when the recipe ITSELF is "Asian Seeded Cucumber Salad"   the RECIPE is seeded! If she can't be bothered to seed a cucumber, then I'm not going to bother to give her my valued recipes so she can half a** them and pass the result off as MY recipe. I would never tell anyone I don't think they are "good enough cook" for my recipes. I tell SIL now "oh I'm going to be petty and keep them, since you have so many of your own special dishes, you have to let me have a couple of showstoppers! ;) " and try ot lighten it up.

You'd better not give me any of your recipes, then, I love cucumber seeds ;)  I do understand not wanting to give a recipe to someone who would screw it up, I was just wondering how people felt about sharing non-"mean" reasons (I doubt most of you would just flat out say that someone can't cook).
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 22, 2007, 05:05:11 PM
So, those of you who don't like to share recipes, are you ok with someone politely asking why when you say no?  Because I would understand someone not sharing a recipe, but I'd be upset if they wouldn't even tell me why (hopefully if they thought I wasn't capable of cooking it, they'd gloss over that part ;) ).

kcbrig, feel free to put that 4 hour cheesecake in the recipe folder ;D

I wouldn't mind, it would depend on who was asking and how I had presented my "No".  But then I always give a reason with my "no" along with a smile, so it isn't coming across like "NO! you can't have it!".  I usually go with the "family secret" or "I'm still working on it" type thing.  And really the only person I don't give recipes to based on lack of cooking skills is, as I mentioned in my previous post, my SIL.  It's not that she isn't a good cook, it's that she can't be bothered.  THere's a HUGE difference, at least to me.  She does things for the sake of getting them done and is like "well, it's good enough".  Well my hard tested and cultivated recipes don't deserve "good enough" to get them done, with not the right ingredients, half the effort, not seeding cucumbers when the recipe ITSELF is "Asian Seeded Cucumber Salad"   the RECIPE is seeded! If she can't be bothered to seed a cucumber, then I'm not going to bother to give her my valued recipes so she can half a** them and pass the result off as MY recipe. I would never tell anyone I don't think they are "good enough cook" for my recipes. I tell SIL now "oh I'm going to be petty and keep them, since you have so many of your own special dishes, you have to let me have a couple of showstoppers! ;) " and try ot lighten it up.

You'd better not give me any of your recipes, then, I love cucumber seeds ;)  I do understand not wanting to give a recipe to someone who would screw it up, I was just wondering how people felt about sharing non-"mean" reasons (I doubt most of you would just flat out say that someone can't cook).

 :D I wish I liked cucumber seeds! For some reason they always get stuck in my throat  :P
But next time I make the recipe and seed all the cucumbers, I'll package all the seeds and send them to you so you can have a seed bonanza! ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 22, 2007, 05:07:47 PM
Ooh, seed bonanza!  I do prefer them coupled with the rest of the cucumber, though ;)  Whenever I go to my mom's for dinner and she makes a salad she tries to get me to seed the cucumbers, and I always refuse and insist to her that I like the seeds.  She finds it hard to believe  ::)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MDefarge on October 22, 2007, 05:09:28 PM
Ooh, seed bonanza!  I do prefer them coupled with the rest of the cucumber, though ;)  Whenever I go to my mom's for dinner and she makes a salad she tries to get me to seed the cucumbers, and I always refuse and insist to her that I like the seeds.  She finds it hard to believe  ::)

One of the coolest things I had in England was seedless cucumbers - I know you *can* get them in some grocery stores in the US, they are more expensive then the regular ones, but I hate the seeds enough that it's worth it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 22, 2007, 05:10:08 PM
Ooh, seed bonanza!  I do prefer them coupled with the rest of the cucumber, though ;)  Whenever I go to my mom's for dinner and she makes a salad she tries to get me to seed the cucumbers, and I always refuse and insist to her that I like the seeds.  She finds it hard to believe  ::)

One of the coolest things I had in England was seedless cucumbers - I know you *can* get them in some grocery stores in the US, they are more expensive then the regular ones, but I hate the seeds enough that it's worth it.

She buys those too.  What a waste of cucumber :P
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MDefarge on October 22, 2007, 05:12:42 PM
Ooh, seed bonanza!  I do prefer them coupled with the rest of the cucumber, though ;)  Whenever I go to my mom's for dinner and she makes a salad she tries to get me to seed the cucumbers, and I always refuse and insist to her that I like the seeds.  She finds it hard to believe  ::)

One of the coolest things I had in England was seedless cucumbers - I know you *can* get them in some grocery stores in the US, they are more expensive then the regular ones, but I hate the seeds enough that it's worth it.

She buys those too.  What a waste of cucumber :P

Hehe, at least this way I'll eat all of it instead of eating around the seeds  ;)
My mom's got a great recipe for Cucumber salad (more like pickled cucumbers - it's basically water, vinegar and sugar) and that is the only time I'll eat the regular ones.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 22, 2007, 05:20:31 PM
Ooh, seed bonanza!  I do prefer them coupled with the rest of the cucumber, though ;)  Whenever I go to my mom's for dinner and she makes a salad she tries to get me to seed the cucumbers, and I always refuse and insist to her that I like the seeds.  She finds it hard to believe  ::)

One of the coolest things I had in England was seedless cucumbers - I know you *can* get them in some grocery stores in the US, they are more expensive then the regular ones, but I hate the seeds enough that it's worth it.

She buys those too.  What a waste of cucumber :P

Hehe, at least this way I'll eat all of it instead of eating around the seeds  ;)
My mom's got a great recipe for Cucumber salad (more like pickled cucumbers - it's basically water, vinegar and sugar) and that is the only time I'll eat the regular ones.

That sounds similar to my recipe. Only I use Japanese Rice Wine Vinegar, sugar, and cilantro.  IT's really hard to find rice wine vinegar though. At least near me it is. PLenty of rice wine or rice vinegar, but they aren't the same.  Seeding the cukes keeps the salad crisp.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 22, 2007, 06:02:49 PM
So, those of you who don't like to share recipes, are you ok with someone politely asking why when you say no?  Because I would understand someone not sharing a recipe, but I'd be upset if they wouldn't even tell me why (hopefully if they thought I wasn't capable of cooking it, they'd gloss over that part ;) ).

I'm absolutely okay with it.  And when it comes to things like my mead-making (I'm not always willing to share a recipe that literally takes two years to make), I'm often willing to follow up a polite inquiry with 'why don't you come over Saturday and we'll make a batch?  Bring 5lbs of your favorite honey and we'll hit the produce stand to see what looks good'. 

Come next spring, I'm turning my root-cellar into a brewery.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Thipu1 on October 22, 2007, 06:48:36 PM
The Story of Eva May

When I was a child there was a legendary woman in our little village.  All the kids knew her and liked her.  Eva May was the Maiden Aunt of our Grammar School Principal.  She lived about a mile away from my house.  Across the street from her house was an open field where we often played or rode our bikes.  Eva May liked kids and, because of her nephew, she knew almost all of us. 

If you were in her vicinity, a gentle ring of the doorbell and a polite "Please, Miz Eva May?" would almost always get you a glass of cold water.  If you were really lucky, you might get a glass of raspberry lemonade or a warm cookie.

Eva May was well-known in the community for her devotion to charity and community service.  Most of all, Eva May was known for her fudge.

Her fudge was a legend in our area.  It was soft, rich and utterly delicious without being overly sweet.  When her church fair was almost ready to start, nieces and nephews were hauled in to produce almost 100 pounds of the stuff.  They brought the candy out in huge trays and sold it by the pound.  Even people who didn't like Eva May's church made sure they to the fair early enough to snap up a pound or two of that magnificent confection.

Eva May was very generous in many ways but, deep in her heart, she harbored a guilty little secret. She would never reveal the secret of her wonderful fudge. That was a secret my Mom found out through sheer, dumb luck.

We were having a small family gathering at our house.  Mom went looking for a tin of evaporated milk and found a tin of condensed milk that had been bought by mistake.  On the back of the tin was a recipe for fudge.  Mom decided to try it.  Guess what?  The recipe on the back of the tin was exactly Eva May's secret  fudge recipe.   


           
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on October 22, 2007, 07:03:31 PM
On the back of the tin was a recipe for fudge.  Mom decided to try it.  Guess what?  The recipe on the back of the tin was exactly Eva May's secret  fudge recipe.   
         

does it involve melting chocolate chips with sweetened condensed milk in the microwave, then adding vanilla and pouring it into a pan when it's smooth?  i LOVE that recipe, make it every christmas.  i also add a pinch of cinnamon, yummy!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: GlindaBunny on October 22, 2007, 07:04:01 PM
I don't mind sharing recipes, but my family doesn't have any secret family recipes.  My mom can't cook to save her life.  Once she was making carrot cake but had no carrots so used green beans instead.  Nobody has ever asked her for a recipe.

I like cooking, and all my recipes are either from the internet or made up myself.  I almost never measure, though, so it's hard to pass along my made up recipes.  They usually end up just a list of ingredients.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: shygirl on October 22, 2007, 08:08:10 PM
I don't mind sharing recipes, but my family doesn't have any secret family recipes.  My mom can't cook to save her life.  Once she was making carrot cake but had no carrots so used green beans instead.  Nobody has ever asked her for a recipe.

This is hilarious!  Also, kind of gross.

It kind of reminds me of my dad, who wanted to make chocolate chip cookies one day.  Except we didn't have any chocolate chip cookies, so instead he put in a type of salty, spicy Indian snack.  That was probably 20 or so years ago.  To this day, he still insists that those cookies were good.

I personally don't mind sharing recipes, but I usually get my stuff online and make adjustments to what I like more.

ETA:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bombay_mix (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bombay_mix) 
This link has a good description and picture of the snack my dad substitued for chocolate chips, in case any one was curious.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on October 22, 2007, 08:17:04 PM
So, those of you who don't like to share recipes, are you ok with someone politely asking why when you say no?

Of course. In fact, I explain why I say no without even being asked. "I'm sorry, I don't give out that recipe... if you knew how easy it was, it wouldn't be special." Of course, the fact that it's from an ancient Better Homes & Gardens cookbook means its neither unique nor proprietary, and if someone else finds it they're welcome to it. But I'm not going to help them.  ;D  Actually, I did give it to a friend once, and she managed to botch it up completely because she didn't believe it could actually be as simple as the steps said, so she tried to figure out what I had "left out."  ::)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 22, 2007, 08:31:41 PM
Anybody know a good recipe for bean dip?

Actually, I do...!  ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 22, 2007, 08:39:01 PM
Tabbage,

Promising my MIL that I would not share the family recipes that she handed over to me is a power trip?

So be it, I am a cooking goddess in my own kitchen - feel my might.

If you want the chocolate chip cookie changes that I pull on the standard Tollhouse recipe on the bag?  It's already posted in the recipe section. 

I ran out of vanilla extract halfway through a batch and substituted almond flavoring for the rest of the vanilla - then discovered (trial & error reading books on "kitchen chemistry") that the melting point of various fats differed and which fats made cake-type cookies (biscuits for the UK), which made bar type cookies, and so forth - then tweaked the substitution list to make a cookie that was the perfect CHEWY cookie (also works for bar cookies but is not cake-like). 

I think VorFemme has already posted it to the recipe folder some time since..........

Now - as to how to sew a knitting bag like mine with a hidden compartment for a blaster & stunner?  I am not sharing - you  might work for airport security.

 

Reading the comments about people changing recipes given to them and now your post about chocolate chip cookies makes me think of this - I am often asked for "my" recipe for chocolate chip cookies. It's the recipe my mother has been using for chocolate chip cookies for about 50 years, and they are (if I do say so myself) the best chocolate chip cookies ever.

The "secret" is that the fat in the recipe is solid shortening - no butter. The shortening gives the cookies their wonderful texture. I have given the recipe to people who substitute butter for half or all of the shortening, and then they wonder why the cookies aren't exactly like mine.

My sister actually improved upon the recipe by increasing the ratio of brown sugar to white sugar. :)

Mom says to be absolutely the best, they must be made with milk chocolate chips. Semi-sweet chips are wonderful for some things, but she insists on milk chocolate for the cookies.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on October 22, 2007, 08:46:07 PM
The "secret" is that the fat in the recipe is solid shortening - no butter. The shortening gives the cookies their wonderful texture. I have given the recipe to people who substitute butter for half or all of the shortening, and then they wonder why the cookies aren't exactly like mine.


I badgered a friend once for her chocolate chip cookie recipe and she swore it was the one on the back of the chocolate chip package (shades of Phoebe from Friends, hee!) and I kept telling her it was *not*, because I had made that recipe dozens of times and they were not. the. same. Finally we figured out that she was using butter-flavored solid shortening, and that made all the difference.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 22, 2007, 08:48:07 PM

My mom has a "signature dish" too. She makes incredible clam chowder. No one else's ever tastes even close to the same to me. The first time I was helping her make it and she told me to "add this until it looks right." I said "Okay" as she left the room. Then I started wondering how I was going to know if it looked right! I know she worked on it for years, and she has told me before that she's going to work on pinning down the exact recipe so she can pass it on to me and my sister, but she'll never give it to anyone else.

My Dad does this with turkey soup. I was so proud the first year he asked my advice on seasoning it (I love herbs). Of course now I tease him that he just wanted to get out of making it.

Turkey soup (and beef vegetable, ham, and chicken soups!) is the kind of thing I rarely make the same way twice. The method is always the same, but the seasonings and other ingredients depend on what I have around.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 22, 2007, 08:59:00 PM
On the back of the tin was a recipe for fudge.  Mom decided to try it.  Guess what?  The recipe on the back of the tin was exactly Eva May's secret  fudge recipe.   
         

does it involve melting chocolate chips with sweetened condensed milk in the microwave, then adding vanilla and pouring it into a pan when it's smooth?  i LOVE that recipe, make it every christmas.  i also add a pinch of cinnamon, yummy!

I have a similar recipe, but it uses evaporated milk, NOT sweetened condensed milk. You cook evaporated milk with butter and sugar, then add vanilla, chocolate chips, and mini marshmallows and beat it into submission (or at least until it's smooth). The cooking of the milk, butter, and sugar has to be timed properly or else the fudge will be grainy and hard or goopy and soft. It doesn't take much experience to get it right, though. Mom has made this recipe successfully for four decades, and I've been making it about half that long (several varieties too - milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, mint chocolate, any and all with or without nuts, etc).
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 22, 2007, 09:32:26 PM
Turkey soup (and beef vegetable, ham, and chicken soups!) is the kind of thing I rarely make the same way twice. The method is always the same, but the seasonings and other ingredients depend on what I have around.

I have a great stew recipe.  I'm willing to share it with everyone too.  The instructions are as follows -

Open refrigerator.  Toss any leftovers that are still good into pot.  Cover with water, and simmer while cleaning the rest of the refrigerator.  Serve with that bread on top of the refrigerator that has gone slightly stale.

Most of the time, it's pretty good.  The failures have been truly spectacular.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on October 22, 2007, 09:38:09 PM
Sometimes my cream soups are made with sour cream, sometimes with heavy cream and sometimes with cream cheese.
 
I can't give my recipe for potato soup, because I make it different every time.

I also have been working for the last five years to perfect an orange cheesecake.  I can't get the crust right, although I am almost there with the filling.  Once I have it down I intend to give it (the cheesecake, not the recipe) to as many people as will take one.

I love to surprise friends and neighbors with treats. 

No one has ever complained, maybe they like the rolls and raspberry jam, or scones, or cookies, or cheesecake too much.

Just because I don't share, doesn't mean I don't share.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on October 22, 2007, 09:40:10 PM
I have a great stew recipe.  I'm willing to share it with everyone too.  The instructions are as follows -

Open refrigerator.  Toss any leftovers that are still good into pot.  Cover with water, and simmer while cleaning the rest of the refrigerator.  Serve with that bread on top of the refrigerator that has gone slightly stale.

Most of the time, it's pretty good.  The failures have been truly spectacular.

We must be channeling one another, because I have that exact same recipe.  I generally add barley - and yes the failures are very memorable ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 22, 2007, 09:53:34 PM
I also have been working for the last five years to perfect an orange cheesecake.  I can't get the crust right, although I am almost there with the filling.  Once I have it down I intend to give it (the cheesecake, not the recipe) to as many people as will take one.

Have you tried using ladyfingers?  I find they make a great crust for cheesecakes.  Also some sponge cakes make great cheesecake crusts, but you have to apply the crust after you bake the cheesecake, otherwise it will get too soggy.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: loopey2u on October 22, 2007, 10:13:20 PM
Wow, interesting thread I started.  >:D

I am always asked for recpies, and always give them out no matter how hard I have worked to perfect them. Not a big deal, and I am flattered.

Not giving the exact measurements of spices/seasonings in recipes is rude.  Leaving an ingredient or two out hoping the other person will screw it up is really rude and a waste of their time and money if they're just going to throw it in the garbage.

If the cook that asks screws up the recipe I gave them, she's not following directions or is adding something that was not in the recipe.

Doesn't make me look bad in the least. 

I don't find non-sharers selfish for not sharing, but it is frustrating.  If that the food is that good, I'd like to make it again.

Next time I'm at FMIL's house and she's cooking lamb, I'm following her around like I'm her shadow.  It's something I've always wanted to cook, but have been afraid to, not knowing what spices to add to liven it up.

I think she will "show me", but not tell me, because she probably doesn't have an exact recipe written down.  That's what my sister tells me, anyways.

If there are any Greek people out there who would like to share their lamb or chicken recipe, please post away in the recipe thread.  I am so craving Greek chickn right about now.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on October 22, 2007, 10:32:29 PM
Have you tried using ladyfingers?  I find they make a great crust for cheesecakes.  Also some sponge cakes make great cheesecake crusts, but you have to apply the crust after you bake the cheesecake, otherwise it will get too soggy.

Good idea.  I have tried chocolate crusts, out of Oreos and from scratch, pretzel, vanilla wafers, and graham crackers, but nothing has hit me just right yet.  Right now I am working on an orange flavored from scratch.  I make a killer orange sponge cake (my own recipe) that I never thought of using as a "crust", but I bet you could put the cheesecake filling in a bundt pan, cook 3/4 of the way, then top with a layer of orange sponge cake, bake and - oh my gosh I gotta try this.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 22, 2007, 10:57:53 PM

Not giving the exact measurements of spices/seasonings in recipes is rude.  Leaving an ingredient or two out hoping the other person will screw it up is really rude and a waste of their time and money if they're just going to throw it in the garbage.



I agree with you 100% on the intentional sneaky recipe changes, but I'm not sure why not giving exact measurements is rude, as long as you're honest about it.  If someone asked for a recipe and I didn't have one, I'd let them know that it changed a bit every time, and try to give them an estimate (if they felt like they were up to the guessing game).  Are you thinking about people who do that with no warning/explanation?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 23, 2007, 07:39:39 AM
Good idea.  I have tried chocolate crusts, out of Oreos and from scratch, pretzel, vanilla wafers, and graham crackers, but nothing has hit me just right yet.  Right now I am working on an orange flavored from scratch.  I make a killer orange sponge cake (my own recipe) that I never thought of using as a "crust", but I bet you could put the cheesecake filling in a bundt pan, cook 3/4 of the way, then top with a layer of orange sponge cake, bake and - oh my gosh I gotta try this.

Let me know how it turns out!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 23, 2007, 09:25:54 AM
For those who are interested, Miss Manners addresses this issue in Guide to the Turn of the Millenium. She does offer a polite way to refuse recipes but not, shall we say, forthcomingly.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: LB on October 23, 2007, 09:56:06 AM

I also have been working for the last five years to perfect an orange cheesecake.  I can't get the crust right, although I am almost there with the filling.  Once I have it down I intend to give it (the cheesecake, not the recipe) to as many people as will take one.


Mmmm...I'd take one!  ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Summrs on October 23, 2007, 10:47:16 AM
Quote
I have tried chocolate crusts, out of Oreos and from scratch, pretzel, vanilla wafers, and graham crackers, but nothing has hit me just right yet.

Try Animal Crackers.  They're especially good for lemon cheesecake, but for orange, you could add a little orange extract when you add the melted butter. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: nrb80 on October 23, 2007, 10:51:57 AM
I think cooking and baking are very different - they seem to take two different kinds of personalities.  Most kitchen afficianados can do some of both, but it seems people are either slanted towards precision - baking - or improvisation - cooking.


Here's hoping!  ;D

I try to get as much practice as I can and there are quite a few things now that I can do mostly without looking at a recipe. I'm better at baking than anything else. And I can season meat to grill easily enough! My sister does seem to be the intuitive (and creative) type of cook. When I'm wondering how to use something I have in the freezer, I call her and she always comes up with something for me to try.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: nrb80 on October 23, 2007, 10:57:07 AM
Not giving the exact measurements of spices/seasonings in recipes is rude.

I actually don't give exact measurements - I may approximate if the person is not very familiar with using spices - but for those of us who use fresh spices, this can be hard - more than just the "to taste" piece, each spice batch can have different strength and it takes practice to know if the cumin you toasted and ground requires a teaspoon or a tablespoon - the wrong choice is the wrong batch can ruin the recipie.  Toasting and grinding can make the dish, but it's an art.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on October 23, 2007, 11:08:41 AM
Quote
I have tried chocolate crusts, out of Oreos and from scratch, pretzel, vanilla wafers, and graham crackers, but nothing has hit me just right yet.

Try Animal Crackers.  They're especially good for lemon cheesecake, but for orange, you could add a little orange extract when you add the melted butter. 

I have never tried Animal Crackers for a crust, but that makes sense.  Do you think some orange zest would be too bitter to mix with them for an orangy taste that will offset the sweet cheesecake and cookies?  I plan to top with a sour cream layer and decorate with mandarin orange slices.  Of course this IS if it all turns out.

If I can get the recipe perfect, I will post it, because of all the good suggestions.

I am not "rabid" about not sharing recipes, I just put so much into them that they are mine, mine, mine....
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: megswsu on October 23, 2007, 11:11:43 AM
I think cooking and baking are very different - they seem to take two different kinds of personalities.  Most kitchen afficianados can do some of both, but it seems people are either slanted towards precision - baking - or improvisation - cooking.

Ooooh, I like this explanation. I love to bake and like exact measurements.  :D That explains a lot. While I'm a good cook, I'm a much better baker! I feel better now.  ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: LB on October 23, 2007, 11:21:46 AM
I think cooking and baking are very different - they seem to take two different kinds of personalities.  Most kitchen afficianados can do some of both, but it seems people are either slanted towards precision - baking - or improvisation - cooking.

Ooooh, I like this explanation. I love to bake and like exact measurements.  :D That explains a lot. While I'm a good cook, I'm a much better baker! I feel better now.  ;D

I agree. I've always been the type of person that pays close attention to details, so this makes perfect sense to me.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: rashea on October 23, 2007, 11:25:58 AM
I'm decidedly more of a baker than a cook. I love to mess around with baking recipes, but I can rarely use the excuse that I don't have measurements. The exception is with spices, where it is a "to taste" thing. If I'm using herbs, it gets even more complicated, since I grow most of my own. The problem is, it can be hard to tell how strong the taste will be until something is baked. That's while trial and error are always fun.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: HushHush on October 23, 2007, 02:03:22 PM
I'm a sharer.  Many people love my grandma's cinnamon rolls and she was very generous with the recipe-even let it be published in a local paper 20 years ago so I don't feel weird giving it to anyone that asks.

I just recently made my Grandpa's Famous Fudge (suitable for fresh hot fudge sundaes before it sets up) for my future in laws and it was a hit.  My FH's Aunt told my FMIL that she'd like the recipe but was afraid to ask for it.  I wrote it up with directions as it's a bit labor intensive and told her that a lot is visual and through smell so if she had any questions to call me.  She thanked me profusely and I've created some goodwill with my new family.

My mom's chocolate chip cookies are the best ever and she uses shortening.  Gives the cookies a nice, soft cake-like consistency that still is dunkable without breaking. Her vegetable beef soup sounds like a lot of others recipes.  Take leftover pot roast and vegetables that were cooked with it and add any others that are sitting in the fridge and add 1 can of tomato soup, beef boullion, some barley if you want and however much water you want and let simmer until dinner time.

However, Mom's wheat bread?  Only good with a ton of butter because its dry and she refuses to believe it.

PS. if you want the fudge recipe and directions, PM me. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: afbluebelle on October 23, 2007, 03:00:38 PM
What if you can't share?  I have a ton of recipes that I literally just through together, and trying to explain it doesn't work.  I'll share any baking/candy recipes I have (my MIL is killing to get my almond toffee recipe) but as for meal recipes... the best chance you have of getting a recipe from me on that is to go shopping with me, watch what I buy, and watch what I do.  I am really bad at throwing in whatever sounds good.

DH bought me a labcoat for the kitchen instead of an apron.  Enough said.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: LissaR1 on October 23, 2007, 03:07:44 PM
Quote
DH bought me a labcoat for the kitchen instead of an apron.  Enough said.

Heh, that's funny, because when people ask me where I learned to cook, I always say chemistry class.  My mom is not a good cook (although she's taught me some vital and practical things, like how to truss up the turkey and how to use basic kitchen implements).  I'm not an improvisational cook at all- I'm very precise for the most part.  And I always say never trust a chemist who says they can't cook, because following a lab procedure and following a recipe are pretty much the same thing.  So for me, a labcoat is the sign of precision, not experimentation! :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Summrs on October 23, 2007, 04:10:42 PM
Orange zest should work well. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: DCGirl on October 23, 2007, 04:13:59 PM
Very annoying. It's how MIL makes sure her children keep coming home.

I mean even Neiman Marcus shares it's cookie recipes   ;)

That Neiman Marcus cookie recipe story is an urban legend. 

http://www.snopes.com/business/consumer/cookie.asp
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on October 23, 2007, 04:22:40 PM
I've read through the first 10 pages, and I gotta weigh in.

I haven't been cooking for long, so when someone asks me for a recipe, I'm usually just blown over and can't write it down fast enough.  I think I get flattered too easily.  :)  That being said, I cook (but not bake, that's a bit trickier!) in a manenr similar to other posters - I do a lot of eyeballing, a lot of substituting, and a lot of "hmmm....what happens when I add this?"  I'd feel uncomfortable giving someone one of those "recipes" - I have, but with the caveat of "these aren't approximate measures."

I've asked a variety of people for recipes, and I almost always get the recipe.  My husband's grandmother is just so happy someone is taking an interest in her baking skills, that the only downside is that I'll be stuck for *hours* while she writes down and explains all of the recipes she can get her hands on, in addition to the one I requested.  (Most conversations start with "OK, here's the recipe for pie that you wanted.  Oh, and you'll like this recipe for such-and-such, and here, I'll write down the recipe for this-and-that while I'm at it.")

I've had two experiences in my family regarding giving out recipes.  My grandmother wasn't much of a cook, and she found some recipe on the back of a box of baking chocolate for something like no-fail brownies.  The first time she made them, she brought them to a church function and everyone couldn't get enough of them.  Of course, they asked for the recipe, and grandma, being a proud woman, played it off as a secret family recipe and refused to share.  

The second, my mom has this fantastic recipe for chocolate chip cheesecake.  It's super easy and everyone loves it.  One year, she made it for a group of her friends, and one of the friends, "Joe," asked her for the recipe.  Mom copies the recipe for Joe, and thinks that's the end of it.  The next time the group got together, Joe brought....chocolate chip cheesecake.  Now, if he had credited my mom and said "this is (my mom)'s cheesecake," fine, no problem.  Nope, he passed it off as his own, and now the group will say "Oh, Joe, did you bring your cheesecake tonight?"  My mother swears that there is nothing different between her cake and his, fwiw.  So, on that angle, I can see where folks might be hesitant to share recipes.  
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on October 23, 2007, 04:23:05 PM
Very annoying. It's how MIL makes sure her children keep coming home.

I mean even Neiman Marcus shares it's cookie recipes   ;)

That Neiman Marcus cookie recipe story is an urban legend. 

http://www.snopes.com/business/consumer/cookie.asp

Yes - I think MadMadge was being tongue-in-cheek.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 23, 2007, 04:35:11 PM
I think cooking and baking are very different - they seem to take two different kinds of personalities.  Most kitchen afficianados can do some of both, but it seems people are either slanted towards precision - baking - or improvisation - cooking.



I'm one of those people who loves to do both - precision in baking and winging it in cooking.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on October 23, 2007, 04:41:43 PM
It drives Boyfriend crazy when he tries to follow my recipes. This is how the conversation goes:
BF: Sweetie, how much olive oil goes into the pan?
Me: TLAR* it.
BF: ARGGGGHH!!! Give me a real measurement!

*That Looks About Right.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 23, 2007, 05:09:12 PM
It drives Boyfriend crazy when he tries to follow my recipes. This is how the conversation goes:
BF: Sweetie, how much olive oil goes into the pan?
Me: TLAR* it.
BF: ARGGGGHH!!! Give me a real measurement!

*That Looks About Right.

This is why it's so hard to try to tell people how to make lefse. I can give a person a recipe for lefse, but it absolutely has to be done by look, feel and texture. Anyone who is unfamiliar with what the dough should look and feel like is probably not going to get it right.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: jimithing on October 23, 2007, 05:13:11 PM
It drives Boyfriend crazy when he tries to follow my recipes. This is how the conversation goes:
BF: Sweetie, how much olive oil goes into the pan?
Me: TLAR* it.
BF: ARGGGGHH!!! Give me a real measurement!

*That Looks About Right.

This is why it's so hard to try to tell people how to make lefse. I can give a person a recipe for lefse, but it absolutely has to be done by look, feel and texture. Anyone who is unfamiliar with what the dough should look and feel like is probably not going to get it right.

My great-grandma is Norwegian, and she and my grandparents used to make lefse.  I miss it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 23, 2007, 06:06:33 PM
It drives Boyfriend crazy when he tries to follow my recipes. This is how the conversation goes:
BF: Sweetie, how much olive oil goes into the pan?
Me: TLAR* it.
BF: ARGGGGHH!!! Give me a real measurement!

*That Looks About Right.

This is why it's so hard to try to tell people how to make lefse. I can give a person a recipe for lefse, but it absolutely has to be done by look, feel and texture. Anyone who is unfamiliar with what the dough should look and feel like is probably not going to get it right.

My great-grandma is Norwegian, and she and my grandparents used to make lefse.  I miss it.

It's a holiday staple at our house. I taught my husband how to make it too.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 23, 2007, 06:35:31 PM
I think cooking and baking are very different - they seem to take two different kinds of personalities.  Most kitchen afficianados can do some of both, but it seems people are either slanted towards precision - baking - or improvisation - cooking.



I'm one of those people who loves to do both - precision in baking and winging it in cooking.

Me too, although I'll do slight baking improv, if it's something that I don't think will screw it up (extra chocolate chips, adding nuts, that kind of thing).  I find that baking and cooking are completely different experiences for me.  Cooking is more of a creative, fun thing, and I find baking very therapeutic.  There's nothing like kneading a few loaves of fresh bread to get your frustration out ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 23, 2007, 06:38:47 PM
I think cooking and baking are very different - they seem to take two different kinds of personalities.  Most kitchen afficianados can do some of both, but it seems people are either slanted towards precision - baking - or improvisation - cooking.



I'm one of those people who loves to do both - precision in baking and winging it in cooking.

Me too, although I'll do slight baking improv, if it's something that I don't think will screw it up (extra chocolate chips, adding nuts, that kind of thing).  I find that baking and cooking are completely different experiences for me.  Cooking is more of a creative, fun thing, and I find baking very therapeutic.  There's nothing like kneading a few loaves of fresh bread to get your frustration out ;)

I agree on all counts!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Mary on October 23, 2007, 07:02:04 PM

I did ask someone if they would share their brownie recipe once. She flatly refused, saying she is going to be the only one with this recipe. I said, ok, I understand, but in my head I was calling her a selfish
jerk.

I felt very uncomfortable - but I was very polite.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Just Lori on October 23, 2007, 07:13:14 PM
About a year ago, a friend of mine who works at the newspaper asked me to submit a reader recipe.  She was low on reader recipes and desperate.  I submitted my recipe for Taco Soup, as I believe it is my charge in life to spread the recipe to as many people as possible.

Tonight I was talking to a girlfriend about our daughters' homework assignment, and she told me that she's making my Taco Soup.  It turns out that her sister (who doesn't know me) saw it and gave it a try, and it became a family favorite for them.  When my girlfriend tried it and loved it, her sister printed out the original recipe as it ran in the paper, with my picture above it.

I love the idea that people I don't know are enjoying Taco Soup as much as I do.  It's in the recipe folder here, if anyone's feeling the cold of fall and wants to join the lucky club of people who eat it regularly.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 23, 2007, 07:25:28 PM
About a year ago, a friend of mine who works at the newspaper asked me to submit a reader recipe.  She was low on reader recipes and desperate.  I submitted my recipe for Taco Soup, as I believe it is my charge in life to spread the recipe to as many people as possible.

Tonight I was talking to a girlfriend about our daughters' homework assignment, and she told me that she's making my Taco Soup.  It turns out that her sister (who doesn't know me) saw it and gave it a try, and it became a family favorite for them.  When my girlfriend tried it and loved it, her sister printed out the original recipe as it ran in the paper, with my picture above it.

I love the idea that people I don't know are enjoying Taco Soup as much as I do.  It's in the recipe folder here, if anyone's feeling the cold of fall and wants to join the lucky club of people who eat it regularly.

You do know that it's one of our family favorites too, right? I wrote it out on a recipe card and titled it "Lori's Taco Soup." We love it. I also have a recipe card for "Toni's Sicilian Sausage Soup."
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Just Lori on October 23, 2007, 07:29:14 PM
About a year ago, a friend of mine who works at the newspaper asked me to submit a reader recipe.  She was low on reader recipes and desperate.  I submitted my recipe for Taco Soup, as I believe it is my charge in life to spread the recipe to as many people as possible.

Tonight I was talking to a girlfriend about our daughters' homework assignment, and she told me that she's making my Taco Soup.  It turns out that her sister (who doesn't know me) saw it and gave it a try, and it became a family favorite for them.  When my girlfriend tried it and loved it, her sister printed out the original recipe as it ran in the paper, with my picture above it.

I love the idea that people I don't know are enjoying Taco Soup as much as I do.  It's in the recipe folder here, if anyone's feeling the cold of fall and wants to join the lucky club of people who eat it regularly.

You do know that it's one of our family favorites too, right? I wrote it out on a recipe card and titled it "Lori's Taco Soup." We love it. I also have a recipe card for "Toni's Sicilian Sausage Soup."

I love that your family loves it.

One of these days I'm going to tackle Rugalah. I have your recipe on my hard drive.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: artk2002 on October 23, 2007, 08:31:03 PM
So, those of you who don't like to share recipes, are you ok with someone politely asking why when you say no?  Because I would understand someone not sharing a recipe, but I'd be upset if they wouldn't even tell me why (hopefully if they thought I wasn't capable of cooking it, they'd gloss over that part ;) ).

I'm absolutely okay with it.  And when it comes to things like my mead-making (I'm not always willing to share a recipe that literally takes two years to make), I'm often willing to follow up a polite inquiry with 'why don't you come over Saturday and we'll make a batch?  Bring 5lbs of your favorite honey and we'll hit the produce stand to see what looks good'. 

Come next spring, I'm turning my root-cellar into a brewery.

Sure you won't share, not even with another mead-maker?   ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: joraemi on October 24, 2007, 07:37:28 AM
I understand not sharing certain recipes I guess- fam recipes that have been passed down that you  want to keep special to the fam, or like one poster said, recipes that you intend to publish.  I can't see being unwilling to share a  very basic recipe or being unwilling to teach someone how to make a certain dish.  There are certainly 100 versions of most recipes out there- you  could use a different recipe to teach someone the basics of a particular dish.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 24, 2007, 07:47:39 AM
I think cooking and baking are very different - they seem to take two different kinds of personalities.  Most kitchen afficianados can do some of both, but it seems people are either slanted towards precision - baking - or improvisation - cooking.



I'm one of those people who loves to do both - precision in baking and winging it in cooking.

Me too, although I'll do slight baking improv, if it's something that I don't think will screw it up (extra chocolate chips, adding nuts, that kind of thing).  I find that baking and cooking are completely different experiences for me.  Cooking is more of a creative, fun thing, and I find baking very therapeutic.  There's nothing like kneading a few loaves of fresh bread to get your frustration out ;)

Same here, I enjoy both as well.  And I agree, baking is therapeutic.  I am a bit OCD, so anything with a system or exact order events, soothes me.  When I bake my Christmas cookies for all my platters, I zone out for three days of baking, usually ending with about 70 dozen cookies.  It's tiring, but therapeutic.  DH doesn't get how it can be both :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 24, 2007, 09:03:34 AM
I think cooking and baking are very different - they seem to take two different kinds of personalities.  Most kitchen afficianados can do some of both, but it seems people are either slanted towards precision - baking - or improvisation - cooking.



I'm one of those people who loves to do both - precision in baking and winging it in cooking.

Me too, although I'll do slight baking improv, if it's something that I don't think will screw it up (extra chocolate chips, adding nuts, that kind of thing).  I find that baking and cooking are completely different experiences for me.  Cooking is more of a creative, fun thing, and I find baking very therapeutic.  There's nothing like kneading a few loaves of fresh bread to get your frustration out ;)

Same here, I enjoy both as well.  And I agree, baking is therapeutic.  I am a bit OCD, so anything with a system or exact order events, soothes me.  When I bake my Christmas cookies for all my platters, I zone out for three days of baking, usually ending with about 70 dozen cookies.  It's tiring, but therapeutic.  DH doesn't get how it can be both :)

Well, if it makes you feel better, I understand how it can be both.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 24, 2007, 10:14:39 AM
Sure you won't share, not even with another mead-maker?   ;D

A bottle or two?  Sure.  The recipe for my Fall Delight Mead?  Muahahahaha mine, mine, all mine.  Oooooh the power.....
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 24, 2007, 10:18:04 AM
I understand not sharing certain recipes I guess- fam recipes that have been passed down that you  want to keep special to the fam, or like one poster said, recipes that you intend to publish.  I can't see being unwilling to share a  very basic recipe or being unwilling to teach someone how to make a certain dish.  There are certainly 100 versions of most recipes out there- you  could use a different recipe to teach someone the basics of a particular dish.

Yeah. In the age of the Internet, it's not hard to find recipes for most everything.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on October 24, 2007, 10:29:39 AM
I might not be willing to teach someone how to cook. That's my time and my kitchen and I would only do that for people I love. Also I'm really not sure what they would learn from me in one try - I'm a pinch of this, a pinch of that kind of cook.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Cz. Burrito on October 24, 2007, 10:52:16 AM
Here it is Cathy-we call it a salad and have it with dinner but it's probably actually more of a dessert-what can I say-we're an odd family. We're very partial to Anderson Erikson eggnog that's made here in Iowa but I'll bet it would be good with other kinds-so long as you have a yummy eggnog you ought to have a yummy eggnog salad.

Oh man, I just have to say... I love AE egg nog.  I was so excited when they came out with milk nog (I always mix my egg nog with milk, but it does mix as well as it's mixed in the Milk Nog).
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 24, 2007, 11:20:27 AM
I think cooking and baking are very different - they seem to take two different kinds of personalities.  Most kitchen afficianados can do some of both, but it seems people are either slanted towards precision - baking - or improvisation - cooking.



I'm one of those people who loves to do both - precision in baking and winging it in cooking.

Me too, although I'll do slight baking improv, if it's something that I don't think will screw it up (extra chocolate chips, adding nuts, that kind of thing).  I find that baking and cooking are completely different experiences for me.  Cooking is more of a creative, fun thing, and I find baking very therapeutic.  There's nothing like kneading a few loaves of fresh bread to get your frustration out ;)

Same here, I enjoy both as well.  And I agree, baking is therapeutic.  I am a bit OCD, so anything with a system or exact order events, soothes me.  When I bake my Christmas cookies for all my platters, I zone out for three days of baking, usually ending with about 70 dozen cookies.  It's tiring, but therapeutic.  DH doesn't get how it can be both :)

Well, if it makes you feel better, I understand how it can be both.

That's because you are a kindred spirit in the kitchen!  ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 24, 2007, 01:38:23 PM
I think cooking and baking are very different - they seem to take two different kinds of personalities.  Most kitchen afficianados can do some of both, but it seems people are either slanted towards precision - baking - or improvisation - cooking.



I'm one of those people who loves to do both - precision in baking and winging it in cooking.

Me too, although I'll do slight baking improv, if it's something that I don't think will screw it up (extra chocolate chips, adding nuts, that kind of thing).  I find that baking and cooking are completely different experiences for me.  Cooking is more of a creative, fun thing, and I find baking very therapeutic.  There's nothing like kneading a few loaves of fresh bread to get your frustration out ;)

Same here, I enjoy both as well.  And I agree, baking is therapeutic.  I am a bit OCD, so anything with a system or exact order events, soothes me.  When I bake my Christmas cookies for all my platters, I zone out for three days of baking, usually ending with about 70 dozen cookies.  It's tiring, but therapeutic.  DH doesn't get how it can be both :)

There are plenty of things in life that are exhausting and satisfying ;)

When I was in high school (and probably in need of some therapy ;) ), I used to bake cookies and just give them to my friends.  No interest in eating them (maybe one or two), but the baking itself was so enjoyable.  I want to go home and make cookies now.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on October 24, 2007, 03:38:33 PM
I understand not sharing certain recipes I guess- fam recipes that have been passed down that you  want to keep special to the fam, or like one poster said, recipes that you intend to publish.  I can't see being unwilling to share a  very basic recipe or being unwilling to teach someone how to make a certain dish.  There are certainly 100 versions of most recipes out there- you  could use a different recipe to teach someone the basics of a particular dish.

Yeah. In the age of the Internet, it's not hard to find recipes for most everything.

Which is why anyone who wants a particular dish should be able to find it themselves with out demanding that others give up what they don't want to.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on October 24, 2007, 03:57:48 PM
I understand not sharing certain recipes I guess- fam recipes that have been passed down that you  want to keep special to the fam, or like one poster said, recipes that you intend to publish.  I can't see being unwilling to share a  very basic recipe or being unwilling to teach someone how to make a certain dish.  There are certainly 100 versions of most recipes out there- you  could use a different recipe to teach someone the basics of a particular dish.

Yeah. In the age of the Internet, it's not hard to find recipes for most everything.

Which is why anyone who wants a particular dish should be able to find it themselves with out demanding that others give up what they don't want to.

I don't disagree that one can probably find "a" recipe for Aunt Betty's Brownies, or Cousin Sal's chili, or Rev. Tom's carrot cake.  But sometimes, it's nice to get the *exact* recipe that is used - maybe there's a special technique the person uses while cooking, or there's a secret ingredient you NEVER would have guessed that's in the final product.  So, I can see where people ask - and ask politely, of course.  Which means the asker will just have to accept it if the cook refuses to share the recipe - no sighing, moaning, muttering about "you're so mean," etc.

I mean, surely it's not rude to politely ask for a recipe, right?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: artk2002 on October 24, 2007, 04:00:11 PM
Sure you won't share, not even with another mead-maker?   ;D

A bottle or two?  Sure.  The recipe for my Fall Delight Mead?  Muahahahaha mine, mine, all mine.  Oooooh the power.....

That's ok... I can never get them to come out the same way twice.  I made a cranberry melomel once that was perfect, and every one has been a disaster since then.  Ah well.  Nothing like a little home grown organic chemistry to keep me occupied.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 24, 2007, 04:06:16 PM
I understand not sharing certain recipes I guess- fam recipes that have been passed down that you  want to keep special to the fam, or like one poster said, recipes that you intend to publish.  I can't see being unwilling to share a  very basic recipe or being unwilling to teach someone how to make a certain dish.  There are certainly 100 versions of most recipes out there- you  could use a different recipe to teach someone the basics of a particular dish.

Yeah. In the age of the Internet, it's not hard to find recipes for most everything.

Which is why anyone who wants a particular dish should be able to find it themselves with out demanding that others give up what they don't want to.

I don't disagree that one can probably find "a" recipe for Aunt Betty's Brownies, or Cousin Sal's chili, or Rev. Tom's carrot cake.  But sometimes, it's nice to get the *exact* recipe that is used - maybe there's a special technique the person uses while cooking, or there's a secret ingredient you NEVER would have guessed that's in the final product.  So, I can see where people ask - and ask politely, of course.  Which means the asker will just have to accept it if the cook refuses to share the recipe - no sighing, moaning, muttering about "you're so mean," etc.

I mean, surely it's not rude to politely ask for a recipe, right?

I see the point about finding recipes online, but I have to say I'm tired of making carrot cake after carrot cake trying to find one BF likes, because we don't have the specific recipe he grew up with.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on October 24, 2007, 04:12:21 PM
I understand not sharing certain recipes I guess- fam recipes that have been passed down that you  want to keep special to the fam, or like one poster said, recipes that you intend to publish.  I can't see being unwilling to share a  very basic recipe or being unwilling to teach someone how to make a certain dish.  There are certainly 100 versions of most recipes out there- you  could use a different recipe to teach someone the basics of a particular dish.

Yeah. In the age of the Internet, it's not hard to find recipes for most everything.

Which is why anyone who wants a particular dish should be able to find it themselves with out demanding that others give up what they don't want to.

I don't disagree that one can probably find "a" recipe for Aunt Betty's Brownies, or Cousin Sal's chili, or Rev. Tom's carrot cake.  But sometimes, it's nice to get the *exact* recipe that is used - maybe there's a special technique the person uses while cooking, or there's a secret ingredient you NEVER would have guessed that's in the final product.  So, I can see where people ask - and ask politely, of course.  Which means the asker will just have to accept it if the cook refuses to share the recipe - no sighing, moaning, muttering about "you're so mean," etc.

I mean, surely it's not rude to politely ask for a recipe, right?

I see the point about finding recipes online, but I have to say I'm tired of making carrot cake after carrot cake trying to find one BF likes, because we don't have the specific recipe he grew up with.

Oh, pod to that.  My mom's grandmother was a fantastic baker (actually, the grandmother I mentioned above was GG's daughter, which is funny because grandma couldn't bake).  My mom and her brothers have these warm, cozy memories of sitting in GG's kitchen while she whipped up cakes, pies, cookies, and so on.  One of those creations was a particular cookie (I'm not trying to be vague - I really can't remember the name!), and since GG died, my mom and her brothers searched high and low for this recipe.  My mom, the baker of the bunch, tried who-knows-how-many variations of this cookie - this one was too sweet, that version had too much butter, and so on.

Well, when my grandma died, and my mom was going through her things, she came across this tin - it was filled with GG's recipes, and included the cookie recipe.  But that was pure luck, I'll say that!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 24, 2007, 05:21:16 PM
That's ok... I can never get them to come out the same way twice.  I made a cranberry melomel once that was perfect, and every one has been a disaster since then.  Ah well.  Nothing like a little home grown organic chemistry to keep me occupied.

Oh thats the fun, it never is exactly the same.  Especially if you use homegrown ingredients. 

The quality of the yeast makes a huge difference.  I can have every other ingredient the same, but if I use a champagne yeast instead of a sweet mead yeast, I get a wholly different product.  This company used to be my supplier - www.morebeer.com, but now that I've moved I'll have to find a new place.

I do have some tried and true recipes I am willing to share, if you'd like.  I'll post them in the recipe section.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 24, 2007, 06:11:13 PM
I understand not sharing certain recipes I guess- fam recipes that have been passed down that you  want to keep special to the fam, or like one poster said, recipes that you intend to publish.  I can't see being unwilling to share a  very basic recipe or being unwilling to teach someone how to make a certain dish.  There are certainly 100 versions of most recipes out there- you  could use a different recipe to teach someone the basics of a particular dish.

Yeah. In the age of the Internet, it's not hard to find recipes for most everything.

Which is why anyone who wants a particular dish should be able to find it themselves with out demanding that others give up what they don't want to.

I don't disagree that one can probably find "a" recipe for Aunt Betty's Brownies, or Cousin Sal's chili, or Rev. Tom's carrot cake.  But sometimes, it's nice to get the *exact* recipe that is used - maybe there's a special technique the person uses while cooking, or there's a secret ingredient you NEVER would have guessed that's in the final product.  So, I can see where people ask - and ask politely, of course.  Which means the asker will just have to accept it if the cook refuses to share the recipe - no sighing, moaning, muttering about "you're so mean," etc.

I mean, surely it's not rude to politely ask for a recipe, right?

I see the point about finding recipes online, but I have to say I'm tired of making carrot cake after carrot cake trying to find one BF likes, because we don't have the specific recipe he grew up with.

If you want an incredible (at least in my opinion and those in our circle)carrot cake recipe, I have one with a coconut cream cheese frosting to die for. I made a three tier "wedding" cake for my best friend's bridal shower with it and it took two men to carry it in ;) It's very rich and dense
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: artk2002 on October 24, 2007, 08:16:07 PM
That's ok... I can never get them to come out the same way twice.  I made a cranberry melomel once that was perfect, and every one has been a disaster since then.  Ah well.  Nothing like a little home grown organic chemistry to keep me occupied.

Oh thats the fun, it never is exactly the same.  Especially if you use homegrown ingredients. 

The quality of the yeast makes a huge difference.  I can have every other ingredient the same, but if I use a champagne yeast instead of a sweet mead yeast, I get a wholly different product.  This company used to be my supplier - www.morebeer.com, but now that I've moved I'll have to find a new place.

I do have some tried and true recipes I am willing to share, if you'd like.  I'll post them in the recipe section.

Cool, that would be great!

I use a variety of yeasts, including the Pasteur Champagne.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 25, 2007, 09:18:01 AM
The word "demanding" seems to be thrown around quite casually on this thread. I hope no one imagines I demand recipes. To the contrary, I always thought I was complimenting the cook by requesting the recipe which is why if someone ever said, "I'm sorry, I don't share my recipes," I'd be a bit embarassed and, yes, I'd think slightly less of that person. And of course, I'd take no for an answer. Why would I want to feel an even bigger doofus by nagging the person for it?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: rashea on October 25, 2007, 10:31:44 AM
The word "demanding" seems to be thrown around quite casually on this thread. I hope no one imagines I demand recipes. To the contrary, I always thought I was complimenting the cook by requesting the recipe which is why if someone ever said, "I'm sorry, I don't share my recipes," I'd be a bit embarassed and, yes, I'd think slightly less of that person. And of course, I'd take no for an answer. Why would I want to feel an even bigger doofus by nagging the person for it?

Why would you think less of them?

I think there has been a lot of discussion about why people might choose not to share their recipes, so now I'd be curious to see why people might think less of someone who didn't.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on October 25, 2007, 11:00:45 AM
I'm kind of with Flora Louise on this one. As others have stated it doesn't hurt anyone to share a recipe.

With the following exceptions:
1. They're a professional cook, in this case it would be like asking free advice from a lawyer.

2. They know the person will use it in their social circles and take credit for it.

3. They know the person will ruin it and then credit it to them.

Other than this I can think of no reason not to give somebody one.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Shores on October 25, 2007, 11:09:13 AM
I'm kind of with Flora Louise on this one. As others have stated it doesn't hurt anyone to share a recipe.

With the following exceptions:
1. They're a professional cook, in this case it would be like asking free advice from a lawyer.

2. They know the person will use it in their social circles and take credit for it.

3. They know the person will ruin it and then credit it to them.

Other than this I can think of no reason not to give somebody one.
So if someone isn't a PAID designer, there's no reason not to give away their designs? I dont cook, I dont bake, I dont do anything in the kitchen at all. But I simply dont understand the "you're not a professional so you have no reason not to share" mentality.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on October 25, 2007, 11:21:37 AM
I'm kind of with Flora Louise on this one. As others have stated it doesn't hurt anyone to share a recipe.

With the following exceptions:
1. They're a professional cook, in this case it would be like asking free advice from a lawyer.

2. They know the person will use it in their social circles and take credit for it.

3. They know the person will ruin it and then credit it to them.

Other than this I can think of no reason not to give somebody one.

What about "this is a Smith family recipe, and it's only passed down the family tree"?

What about "I'm trying to enter this recipe in a baking contest," as CathyF mentioned upthread?

What about "this is the only thing I can actually cook/bake, and I don't want others to take the recipe - especially if they start serving it at family / friend gatherings"?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on October 25, 2007, 11:22:44 AM
Quote
So if someone isn't a PAID designer, there's no reason not to give away their designs? I dont cook, I dont bake, I dont do anything in the kitchen at all. But I simply dont understand the "you're not a professional so you have no reason not to share" mentality.

I think there's a big difference between designs, quilts etc. than a recipe. If you give away a recipe you still have it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on October 25, 2007, 11:25:18 AM
What about "this is a Smith family recipe, and it's only passed down the family tree"? - I can understand how some might feel this way, but I really don't understand how someone else cooking something tkaes it away from your family.

What about "I'm trying to enter this recipe in a baking contest," as CathyF mentioned upthread? - ok, this is obviously a valid reason, didn't read this one. But I don't think that was the case for Flora Louise

What about "this is the only thing I can actually cook/bake, and I don't want others to take the recipe - especially if they start serving it at family / friend gatherings"? - I think I covered this one in my original post.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on October 25, 2007, 11:28:14 AM
Quote
So if someone isn't a PAID designer, there's no reason not to give away their designs? I dont cook, I dont bake, I dont do anything in the kitchen at all. But I simply dont understand the "you're not a professional so you have no reason not to share" mentality.

I think there's a big difference between designs, quilts etc. than a recipe. If you give away a recipe you still have it.

To me no there isn't  both could be passed down and both would take time and effort to create

Shay
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Shores on October 25, 2007, 11:30:23 AM
Quote
So if someone isn't a PAID designer, there's no reason not to give away their designs? I dont cook, I dont bake, I dont do anything in the kitchen at all. But I simply dont understand the "you're not a professional so you have no reason not to share" mentality.

I think there's a big difference between designs, quilts etc. than a recipe. If you give away a recipe you still have it.
It's still someone's personal creation. If someone makes a photocopy of my design, I may still have it, but they now have it as well. If someone put in the time and effort to create something, its theirs to decide what to do with it. No one would think twice about someone who only shares her poetry with certain people or even no one at all.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bob Ducca on October 25, 2007, 11:33:52 AM
If you have to ask someone for it, then it belongs to them.

I have never heard of a situation in etiquette that demands that a person give someone else a personal item, idea, design, or whatever simply because that someone else asked for it.

"There's no good reason not to" isn't a good reason, either.  The same could be said of my wedding dress.  What if someone my size saw it and wanted it?  Am I required to give it to them, after all- they think there's no good reason not to- I'm not going to wear it again, and it's just taking up space in my closet.  "There's no good reason not to" is an opinion, and a perfectly valid one, but so is the opinion that recipes are more important to some than to others.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: LB on October 25, 2007, 11:44:40 AM
If you have to ask someone for it, then it belongs to them.

I have never heard of a situation in etiquette that demands that a person give someone else a personal item, idea, design, or whatever simply because that someone else asked for it.

"There's no good reason not to" isn't a good reason, either.  The same could be said of my wedding dress.  What if someone my size saw it and wanted it?  Am I required to give it to them, after all- they think there's no good reason not to- I'm not going to wear it again, and it's just taking up space in my closet.  "There's no good reason not to" is an opinion, and a perfectly valid one, but so is the opinion that recipes are more important to some than to others.

Very well put.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hawkwatcher on October 25, 2007, 12:06:02 PM
The word "demanding" seems to be thrown around quite casually on this thread. I hope no one imagines I demand recipes. To the contrary, I always thought I was complimenting the cook by requesting the recipe which is why if someone ever said, "I'm sorry, I don't share my recipes," I'd be a bit embarassed and, yes, I'd think slightly less of that person. And of course, I'd take no for an answer. Why would I want to feel an even bigger doofus by nagging the person for it?

Why would you be embarrassed?  In the scenario you described, the cook is not rejecting your compliment and is not saying anything about you as a person.  He/she may have a policy of not giving recipes to anyone. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: megswsu on October 25, 2007, 12:16:29 PM
I really having a hard time understanding why anyone would be upset when a cook doesn't give out a recipe. Flora, why would you "think less of that person" simply b/c they didn't want to share a recipe? And this question is coming from a person who freely gives out recipes, but I also don't create any of them. They come from magazines, cookbooks, etc., so I'm merely telling the person where to get it. If I were to ask someone about a recipe and they politely declined to give it out, I wouldn't think twice and would go on w/my day. If anything, I would ask to be invited back when the recipe was made again!  :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on October 25, 2007, 12:37:49 PM
Quote
So if someone isn't a PAID designer, there's no reason not to give away their designs? I dont cook, I dont bake, I dont do anything in the kitchen at all. But I simply dont understand the "you're not a professional so you have no reason not to share" mentality.

I think there's a big difference between designs, quilts etc. than a recipe. If you give away a recipe you still have it.

 If I allow someone to photocopy my personal design, then I still have the original BUT that means it now "belongs" to someone else and they can ruin it or deviate from it as they see fit. But I still have it. So does that mean by some people's logic that I am, now, somehow obligated to hand over years of work to all who demand the pattern?

 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on October 25, 2007, 12:44:40 PM
You analogy is absolutely apt Waterwren.
People can ask me for my recipes
People can ask me for my designs
But I am not obligated to hand them out

I can ask folks for recipes
I can ask folks for designs
But I absolutely have to accept "No, I don't want to give it away"
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on October 25, 2007, 12:46:02 PM
What about "this is a Smith family recipe, and it's only passed down the family tree"? - I can understand how some might feel this way, but I really don't understand how someone else cooking something tkaes it away from your family.

you really don't need to understand it.  if a grandmother passes a recipe down to her children or grandchildren, on the understanding that it not go out of the family, those children have made a promise to someone they love.  and yes, i have a friend who literally promised her grandmother, on the grandmother's death bed that she wouldn't share the recipe with anyone outside the family.  and i also heard another friend ask for the recipe, stating that since Granny was now dead, she'd never know.  and as has been stated over and over in this thread, you (generic you) can find something very close on the internet.  use that one, and leave the Smiths alone when they've told you no.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on October 25, 2007, 03:23:27 PM
What about "this is a Smith family recipe, and it's only passed down the family tree"? - I can understand how some might feel this way, but I really don't understand how someone else cooking something tkaes it away from your family.

you really don't need to understand it.  if a grandmother passes a recipe down to her children or grandchildren, on the understanding that it not go out of the family, those children have made a promise to someone they love.  and yes, i have a friend who literally promised her grandmother, on the grandmother's death bed that she wouldn't share the recipe with anyone outside the family.  and i also heard another friend ask for the recipe, stating that since Granny was now dead, she'd never know.  and as has been stated over and over in this thread, you (generic you) can find something very close on the internet.  use that one, and leave the Smiths alone when they've told you no.

Yes, thank you.

My husband's grandmother has given me quite a few "family" recipes, and I'm quite honored.  There's something special about it, and knowing that really does think of me as family that she wants to share it with me.  She also made a big deal of sharing them with me - to the point where if I were to find out she's been sharing them with her church's annual cookbook, or has been giving them out to all and sundry, the recipes might lose some of their appeal.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 25, 2007, 08:55:50 PM
Part of the family recipe thing is, well, some of us don't have a lot to pass on.

I've got an ancestry full of jerks, psychos, drug abusers, criminals, chronic losers, and rejects from a mental hospital. 

I cannot pass on to my son stories of his granddaddy the war hero, as his granddaddy was kicked out of the military for committing an act that shouldn't be discussed on an etiquette board.  I can't give him his great-great grandmother's engagement ring for his future bride, psycho aunt stole it.  I can't even give him family photographs, other psycho aunt stole the scrapbook I made from my great grandmother and never fulfilled her promise to 'run off a copy for us'.  The leading cause of death in my father's family is known as 'hold my beer and watch this' syndrome.  And that's the stuff the family talks about in public at the top of their lungs, let's not even get into 'family secrets'.

But some day, when my son is old enough, I can teach him to make the best dang fall wine in the world, and tell him the story of the first time we made it.

I have friends I would give the shirt off my back to.  I have friends that if they asked, I would show up at their place with a shovel and alibi, no questions ask.

But some recipes are for my son and whatever family he chooses to start only.  I worked dang hard on perfecting them, they are for him.

We can't all leave our kids a million bucks, a mansion, and a heirloom diamond ring. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on October 25, 2007, 09:01:23 PM
Quote
The leading cause of death in my father's family is known as 'hold my beer and watch this' syndrome.

LOL!

I think I'm understanding the family thing, my mom's a great cook and it never dawned on me or her to not share her recipes.

I just think of food as a social thing and sharing things with others that I've discovered or come up with that will make them happy is a no brainer for me. Especially when it doesn't cost me anything.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 26, 2007, 09:37:49 AM
I really having a hard time understanding why anyone would be upset when a cook doesn't give out a recipe. Flora, why would you "think less of that person" simply b/c they didn't want to share a recipe? And this question is coming from a person who freely gives out recipes, but I also don't create any of them. They come from magazines, cookbooks, etc., so I'm merely telling the person where to get it. If I were to ask someone about a recipe and they politely declined to give it out, I wouldn't think twice and would go on w/my day. If anything, I would ask to be invited back when the recipe was made again!  :)

Let's just say it's my opinion that if you are going to refuse a polite and easy to grant request from a friend/guest/relative, you'd better be VERY diplomatic. In this case, "No" is not a complete sentence.

I should edit this to say, none of my family or friends refuses to share recipes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MDefarge on October 26, 2007, 10:13:06 AM

I have friends I would give the shirt off my back to.  I have friends that if they asked, I would show up at their place with a shovel and alibi, no questions ask.

Ok this has nothing to do with recipes, but the part I bolded had me actually snort my coffee....so thanks? :P
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 26, 2007, 11:51:19 AM
As they say, friends help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 26, 2007, 12:04:00 PM
And do these friends have a musical surname and live in New Jersey by any chance?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on October 26, 2007, 12:12:33 PM
I really having a hard time understanding why anyone would be upset when a cook doesn't give out a recipe. Flora, why would you "think less of that person" simply b/c they didn't want to share a recipe? And this question is coming from a person who freely gives out recipes, but I also don't create any of them. They come from magazines, cookbooks, etc., so I'm merely telling the person where to get it. If I were to ask someone about a recipe and they politely declined to give it out, I wouldn't think twice and would go on w/my day. If anything, I would ask to be invited back when the recipe was made again!  :)

Let's just say it's my opinion that if you are going to refuse a polite and easy to grant request from a friend/guest/relative, you'd better be VERY diplomatic. In this case, "No" is not a complete sentence.

I should edit this to say, none of my family or friends refuses to share recipes.
I would never ask a favor of someone if them saying 'no' was going to offend me. It keeps me from having my feelings hurt or getting mad over something that is just a favor.

I've noticed that that recipes people are not OK with sharing fall into two categories
1) Ones they spend a tremendous amount of time creating
2) Recipes that someone gave them and asked them not to share.

For all the folks offended by people not sharing I have to ask
1) Have you ever spent days/weeks/months perfecting a recipe? 
2) Have you ever been given a recipe and been asked not to share it? 


I think for the most part, the answer will be no.  Sharing the 'tuna surprise' recipe you pulled out of the newspaper or cookbook is not the same as LadyDeathe sharing her recipe which requires her journey to the sunny forest where the Swomee-Swans sang and gather fruit from the Truffula Trees.   I haven't been in either situation and as a result would be willing to share any recipe I used.  But I perfectly understand and accept that not every recipe is to be shared.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bob Ducca on October 26, 2007, 12:39:33 PM


Let's just say it's my opinion that if you are going to refuse a polite and easy to grant request from a friend/guest/relative, you'd better be VERY diplomatic. In this case, "No" is not a complete sentence.



I still have trouble with the idea that a request must be granted if the one making the request considers it "easy to grant."  I agree that a refusal should be made gracefully and diplomatically, but not everyone agrees on the ease of passing along recipes, so the "easy to grant" part is an issue for me.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on October 26, 2007, 12:55:00 PM


Let's just say it's my opinion that if you are going to refuse a polite and easy to grant request from a friend/guest/relative, you'd better be VERY diplomatic. In this case, "No" is not a complete sentence.



I still have trouble with the idea that a request must be granted if the one making the request considers it "easy to grant."  I agree that a refusal should be made gracefully and diplomatically, but not everyone agrees on the ease of passing along recipes, so the "easy to grant" part is an issue for me.

I totally agree.  If someone walked up and demanded my wedding ring, or even asked nicely for it - that would be very easy to grant.  There's no way, without a weapon held to my head, it's going to happen, but it would be very easy to grant.

It's funny that people are saying no is rude.  How many threads do we have, how many thousands of comments on that very subject?

It is not rude to say no.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 26, 2007, 01:10:40 PM


Let's just say it's my opinion that if you are going to refuse a polite and easy to grant request from a friend/guest/relative, you'd better be VERY diplomatic. In this case, "No" is not a complete sentence.



I still have trouble with the idea that a request must be granted if the one making the request considers it "easy to grant."  I agree that a refusal should be made gracefully and diplomatically, but not everyone agrees on the ease of passing along recipes, so the "easy to grant" part is an issue for me.

I totally agree.  If someone walked up and demanded my wedding ring, or even asked nicely for it - that would be very easy to grant.  There's no way, without a weapon held to my head, it's going to happen, but it would be very easy to grant.

Good to know!

[/quote]
It's funny that people are saying no is rude.  How many threads do we have, how many thousands of comments on that very subject?

It is not rude to say no.
[/quote]

Did someone say it was rude?  It's not rude. It is perfectly within the confines of etiquette to refuse any and all requests for every single thing anyone ever asks of you.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: rashea on October 26, 2007, 01:18:47 PM

Did someone say it was rude?  It's not rude. It is perfectly within the confines of etiquette to refuse any and all requests for every single thing anyone ever asks of you.

Actually, I believe the words were "power trip", but yes, people were told that it was essentially rude not to give other people their recipes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 26, 2007, 01:34:29 PM
Well, I suppose refusing to share a recipe could be a power trip. But that doesn't mean it would fall outside polite behavior. Miss Manners was once asked if there was a polite way to pick up a girl in a bank window line. Her reply was, "Of course. There's a polite way to do everything."

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on October 26, 2007, 02:08:39 PM
Personally I sort of think it's rude for someone to think less of me just because I won't share something that took me hours of effort and creativity to perfect.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 26, 2007, 02:17:06 PM
How could it be rude? You'd never know my opinion of you.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: ladiedeathe on October 26, 2007, 02:17:59 PM
Thank you Hanna. That's it exactly.

My best example ever is the "french fries" I serve as an appetizer sometimes- I always get asked for the recipe, and I refuse to give it out locally. It is easy to make.

Here it is, with prices, to make 4 appetizer or 6 side dish servings:

6 large Idaho potatoes ($5.00- Kroger "baking" size potatos)
Enough fresh pure vegetable oil to fill the deep fryer ($9.00- Kroger brand)
Ice water
Fresh ground pepper (varies)
White truffle oil ($11.00 for 6.5 oz from The Kitchen Store, cheapest I saw)
Fleur De Sel flakes ($15.99 for 5 oz.)
Parmesan cheese block (1/2 lb $11, but this is really variable)
Total cost for Ingredients the first time you make this- $40.99+ cheese and pepper

Cut the potatoes into 3/8" fries. Do not peel.
Soak the fries in ice water for 30 minutes.
Drain.
Pat fries dry with a paper towel. Seperate into 6 batches.

Fill deep fryer with fresh oil (make sure fryer is clean and without any flavored residue) and heat the oil to 325°.
Fry batches of fries one at a time, for 3 minutes; they will be softened but not browned.
Remove them from the oil.
Place fries on fresh paper towels and let them sweat for at least 30 minutes and at most 2 hours.

Re-heat the oil to 375°. Cook all the fries a second time until golden brown, 4-6 minutes.
Drain again on paper towels.
In a large Ziplock bag, add all fries, drizzle with 1 tablespoon warmed white truffle oil, add fresh ground pepper and Parmesan shavings from block to taste (about 1/4 cup cheese), and toss.

Divide fries into servings, sprinkle with Fleur De Sel flakes, more Parmesan if needed, and serve.


These fries are delicious, and once you have the stuff you can make several batches, but NO substitutions are possible with flavor retention. You can't "just use" salt, or sprinkle on canned cheese, or skip the truffle oil. You have to have a big enough deep fryer to fry them all together, or at least in 2 batches, at the end, and you have to take the time to sweat them before cooking the second time. If the pepper isn't fresh ground it will take too much to get the flavor, and so change the texture, and so on.

I can't imagine giving the recipe to my really good friend, who adores these and always asks me to make her some. She would die if she ever realized I have to dump and clean the deep fryer each time I want to make them (you only don't have to do this if the oil has only been used for plain potatos and is less than a week old), and that they require at least an hour plus for prep and cooking. Even buying all the stuff and making them as a frequent snack is still time consuming and a little pricey. If I gave her the recipe and she realized the cost and time, she would never ask me to make them again, and she couldn't afford to make them once. She would lose her treat, and I'd lose the joy of making the darned things to share.

How sad.


Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MDefarge on October 26, 2007, 02:19:00 PM

Did someone say it was rude?  It's not rude. It is perfectly within the confines of etiquette to refuse any and all requests for every single thing anyone ever asks of you.

Actually, I believe the words were "power trip", but yes, people were told that it was essentially rude not to give other people their recipes.

That particular poster has been very quiet on this thread lately, so I think they have been informed that they were the one being rude.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on October 26, 2007, 02:45:22 PM
How could it be rude? You'd never know my opinion of you.

It's rude in principle as far as I am concerned.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on October 26, 2007, 02:57:30 PM
The way I see it:

-It's not rude to politely ask someone if they wouldn't mind sharing their recipe.

-It's not rude for the cook to politely decline.

-It is rude to cajole, twist arms, resort to name-calling, and so on in an effort to convince someone to give up a recipe.

-It's rude for the cook to give a nasty reply ("As if I'd share the recipe with YOU!") to a polite request for a copy of said recipe.  (This actually happened to me once - I asked someone for a recipe, and I was pretty polite in the request.  The cook all but bit off my head.)

-It's rude for the person requesting the recipe to hold a grudge against someone / think mean thoughts of someone who won't share a recipe.  Them's the rules, so deal with it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: megswsu on October 26, 2007, 03:08:11 PM
twinkletoes--I like your rules and ITA!  :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 26, 2007, 03:19:01 PM

"It's rude in principle as far as I am concerned."


Nah. At most I could be wrong. Not rude.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on October 26, 2007, 03:24:32 PM
-It's rude for the person requesting the recipe to hold a grudge against someone / think mean thoughts of someone who won't share a recipe.  Them's the rules, so deal with it.

But how can it be rude to think something?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on October 26, 2007, 03:25:33 PM
-It's rude for the person requesting the recipe to hold a grudge against someone / think mean thoughts of someone who won't share a recipe.  Them's the rules, so deal with it.

But how can it be rude to think something?

I think it's rude and ungracious to think "Hmph, so and so won't give up her recipe, that beyotch."  When maybe, the cook doesn't want to share for whatever legitimate reason.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on October 26, 2007, 03:28:03 PM
-It's rude for the person requesting the recipe to hold a grudge against someone / think mean thoughts of someone who won't share a recipe.  Them's the rules, so deal with it.

But how can it be rude to think something?

I think it's rude and ungracious to think "Hmph, so and so won't give up her recipe, that beyotch."  When maybe, the cook doesn't want to share for whatever legitimate reason.

I'll agree that it could be unfriendly to think bad things about someone. But rude? I thought etiquette was all about doing what's right, even if you'd rather do something wrong (i.e., invite your friend to your wedding, but not her uncouth husband). But if it's rude to even think unpleasant things about someone, we're all doomed to eHell, aren't we? Or is it just me?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MameDennis on October 26, 2007, 03:37:56 PM
Has this thread got anyone else thinking about Lobster à la Riseholme?  ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 26, 2007, 03:38:53 PM
Clams. It has me thinking about clams, Mame.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on October 26, 2007, 03:40:45 PM
-It's rude for the person requesting the recipe to hold a grudge against someone / think mean thoughts of someone who won't share a recipe.  Them's the rules, so deal with it.

But how can it be rude to think something?

I think it's rude and ungracious to think "Hmph, so and so won't give up her recipe, that beyotch."  When maybe, the cook doesn't want to share for whatever legitimate reason.

I'll agree that it could be unfriendly to think bad things about someone. But rude? I thought etiquette was all about doing what's right, even if you'd rather do something wrong (i.e., invite your friend to your wedding, but not her uncouth husband). But if it's rude to even think unpleasant things about someone, we're all doomed to eHell, aren't we? Or is it just me?

I think it's extreme to hold a grudge against someone if you a) politely asked and b) they politely declined.  I think one would be blowing things out of proportion if one thought "that (insert rude name here) wouldn't even share her recipe for carrot cake." 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: megswsu on October 26, 2007, 03:41:49 PM
While I agree w/Twinkletoes in theory, I do think you have a point carafin. One's private thoughts only become rude when spoken out loud (assuming the thought is rude in the first place). I personally think it shows a lack of character on the person holding a private grudge or thinking back thoughts about a friend/whatever if said friend politely refrains from sharing their receipe.

Now if a polite request was met w/rudeness, then all bets are off!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 26, 2007, 03:44:08 PM
-It's rude for the person requesting the recipe to hold a grudge against someone / think mean thoughts of someone who won't share a recipe.  Them's the rules, so deal with it.

But how can it be rude to think something?

I think it's rude and ungracious to think "Hmph, so and so won't give up her recipe, that beyotch."  When maybe, the cook doesn't want to share for whatever legitimate reason.

I'll agree that it could be unfriendly to think bad things about someone. But rude? I thought etiquette was all about doing what's right, even if you'd rather do something wrong (i.e., invite your friend to your wedding, but not her uncouth husband). But if it's rude to even think unpleasant things about someone, we're all doomed to eHell, aren't we? Or is it just me?

I think it's extreme to hold a grudge against someone if you a) politely asked and b) they politely declined.  I think one would be blowing things out of proportion if one thought "that (insert rude name here) wouldn't even share her recipe for carrot cake." 

I'll share my recipe for carrot cake if anyone wants it!   8)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Shores on October 26, 2007, 03:49:07 PM
I think it's extreme to hold a grudge against someone if you a) politely asked and b) they politely declined.  I think one would be blowing things out of proportion if one thought "that (insert rude name here) wouldn't even share her recipe for carrot cake." 

I'll share my recipe for carrot cake if anyone wants it!   8)
Eh, can you just send me one?  ;D I'm a horrible baker/cook/whatever term you wanna use, but I DO so miss carrot cake.... :D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on October 26, 2007, 03:54:34 PM
Maybe rude is the wrong term but fine, it's wrong and kind of mean. I did all the work and a person just wants my results and then resents me for not giving them? That's just not someone I want to be friends with. Because really, it is entitled to think that I owe anyone the product of hours of works and it's not very warmly spirited to resent me if I don't agree.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 26, 2007, 03:55:13 PM
I think it's extreme to hold a grudge against someone if you a) politely asked and b) they politely declined.  I think one would be blowing things out of proportion if one thought "that (insert rude name here) wouldn't even share her recipe for carrot cake." 

I'll share my recipe for carrot cake if anyone wants it!   8)
Eh, can you just send me one?  ;D I'm a horrible baker/cook/whatever term you wanna use, but I DO so miss carrot cake.... :D

Oh it's fabulous! I *love* carrot cake and this is the best one so far.  I have it in sheet and three layer, which would you like and I will send it? Be ready to wear elastic waist pants!  ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on October 26, 2007, 03:55:44 PM
Maybe rude is the wrong term but fine, it's wrong and kind of mean. I did all the work and a person just wants my results and then resents me for not giving them? That's just not someone I want to be friends with. Because really, it is entitled to think that I owe anyone the product of hours of works and it's not very warmly spirited to resent me if I don't agree.

I agree with your take on it.  I also agree that "rude" might be too strong of a word in this situation.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 26, 2007, 04:11:10 PM
I think it's extreme to hold a grudge against someone if you a) politely asked and b) they politely declined.  I think one would be blowing things out of proportion if one thought "that (insert rude name here) wouldn't even share her recipe for carrot cake." 

I'll share my recipe for carrot cake if anyone wants it!   8)
Eh, can you just send me one?  ;D I'm a horrible baker/cook/whatever term you wanna use, but I DO so miss carrot cake.... :D

I sent you the recipe for the 3 layer one. I think you could handle it! Besides, by the time it reaches the Netherlands, it might be a little worse for wear ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 26, 2007, 04:12:45 PM
Yes, carrot cake. Please post it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 26, 2007, 04:15:45 PM
Yes, carrot cake. Please post it.

Ingredients:
2 cups all purpose flour
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp cinnamon
3 large eggs
2 cups sugar
3/4 cup vegetable oil
3/4 cup buttermilk
2 tsp vanila extract
2 cups grated (not shredded, use a hand grater for best results) carrots
1 (8 ounce) can crushed pineapple, drained
3-1/2 ounces flaked coconut
1 cup chopped walnuts (or you can use pecans)

Prep:
*Line 3 (9 inch) round cakepans with wax paper,lightly grease and flour the wax paper. Set aside
*Stir together first 4 ingredients. Set aside
*Beat eggs and next 4 ingredients at medium speed with electric mixer til smooth. Add flour mixture, beating at low speed til blended. Fold in carrots and next 3 ingredients. Pour batter into prepared cake pans.

Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes til toothpick comes out pretty clean.  I usually watch this at around the 20 minute mark, because I have an electric oven, which cooks really fast.

Cool in pans on wire rack about 15 minutes.  Remove from pans and cool completely on wire rack.

Frost with Coconut Cream Cheese Frosting (below). When combining layers, put the first layer, flattest side down on plate.  Apply layer of frosting. Take next cake layer and add, rounder top side downward, so the flatter side is up.  Apply layer of frosting.  Add last cake layer with rounder side down, so flatter side is up.  Frost entire cake with frosting.

Coconut Cream Cheese Frosting

1 (8 ounce) package of cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup butter, softened
3 TBSP milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 (16 ounce) package powdered sugar, sifted
7 ounces flaked sweetened coconut

Beat cream cheese and butter at medium speed with electric mixer til creamy.  add milk and vanilla, beating well.  Gradually add sugar, beating til smooth.  Stir in coconut.
Loosen pants.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on October 26, 2007, 04:19:12 PM
"Loosen pants"

Thanks, may I call you Shecky?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 26, 2007, 04:24:38 PM
"Loosen pants"

Thanks, may I call you Shecky?

You can call me anything, just call me over for some of the cake when you make it! ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on October 26, 2007, 04:32:25 PM
I cannot imagine an Ehellion say "no" rudely, else our training (reading and posting here) would be wasted effort.

It's not rude to ask, or rude to say no - as long as it is done politely, smiles involved may get your bonus points. ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on October 26, 2007, 05:47:21 PM
This thread has got me thinking I want to be friends with Ladydeathe so I can eat at her house.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on October 26, 2007, 05:58:05 PM
In this case, "No" is not a complete sentence.

Flora, with all due respect, "no" is always a complete sentence.  it just is.  if you chose to not accept that no, well......
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 26, 2007, 08:57:44 PM
Have you ever tried making that carrot cake without coconut?  I'm intrigued by the thought of adding pineapple, but truly loathe the taste and texture of coconut (not the milk though, for some reason I'm okay with that). 

Experimentation time!  Yay!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 27, 2007, 06:41:34 AM
Have you ever tried making that carrot cake without coconut?  I'm intrigued by the thought of adding pineapple, but truly loathe the taste and texture of coconut (not the milk though, for some reason I'm okay with that). 

Experimentation time!  Yay!

Well, see, that concept would just be foreign to me, as I have been having  raging love affair with the coconut since birth  ;D
Seriously, if I can possibly *add* coconut to anything, I will. In fact, this recipe drew me in years ago (I don't even remember where I got it now, It's stuck in mycookbook under layers of shortening and such) but I saw the coconut and was like "sold!".

I'm sure you could experiment with removing the coconut. Same with the frosting.  Good luck to you! (and I will pretend you never spoke ill of my lover)  ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 27, 2007, 11:10:36 AM
Coconut seems to be one of those foods for which there is no middle ground.  Seems you either loathe it, or you love it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 27, 2007, 02:02:13 PM
BF is interested in trying to coconut carrot cake too.  I'll let you know when I get around to making it (it'll probably be awhile, poor bf :( ).  He looked pretty excited about combining coconut and carrot cake ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: breny on October 27, 2007, 05:54:22 PM
I'll share a recipe that's not a "signature dish."  However, I do have a couple of recipes I've tweaked with "secret ingredients" that I don't share.  I always understand if someone doesn't want to share a recipe with me.

That said, with all the recipe sources out there (don't you love the internet), it's pretty simple for a good cook to find a similar recipe and tweak it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: VorFemme on October 27, 2007, 06:46:01 PM
I used the oatmeal cookie recipe off the box with the guy in a big hat & old fashioned clothes on it - it SAYS that you can add various things, raisins, dates, coconut, etc.

Coconut gives you a very moist and chewy oatmeal cookie.  Even kids who would tell me that they didn't LIKE oatmeal cookies ate them.............and then tell me that they didn't like OTHER people's oatmeal cookies. ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on October 27, 2007, 06:51:07 PM
I used the oatmeal cookie recipe off the box with the guy in a big hat & old fashioned clothes on it - it SAYS that you can add various things, raisins, dates, coconut, etc.

Coconut gives you a very moist and chewy oatmeal cookie.  Even kids who would tell me that they didn't LIKE oatmeal cookies ate them.............and then tell me that they didn't like OTHER people's oatmeal cookies. ;)

Have you tried them with bananas?  My family loves this recipe with bananas added and it's a great use of a banana that no one will eat.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: VorFemme on October 27, 2007, 06:55:15 PM
I used the oatmeal cookie recipe off the box with the guy in a big hat & old fashioned clothes on it - it SAYS that you can add various things, raisins, dates, coconut, etc.

Coconut gives you a very moist and chewy oatmeal cookie.  Even kids who would tell me that they didn't LIKE oatmeal cookies ate them.............and then tell me that they didn't like OTHER people's oatmeal cookies. ;)

Have you tried them with bananas?  My family loves this recipe with bananas added and it's a great use of a banana that no one will eat.

Sadly, being pre-diabetic and having to limit my carbs, I am trying to avoid baking cookies except around the holidays.

Fortunately, the holidays are coming up soon and I know that Thanksgiving dinner will be here in Houston for some of the family...........banana oatmeal cookies are fruit and whole grain, right?  ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on October 27, 2007, 06:58:12 PM
Sadly, being pre-diabetic and having to limit my carbs, I am trying to avoid baking cookies except around the holidays.

Fortunately, the holidays are coming up soon and I know that Thanksgiving dinner will be here in Houston for some of the family...........banana oatmeal cookies are fruit and whole grain, right?  ;)

Definitely, fruit, fiber and yummy ;)

Glass of milk and two big cookies - oh that sounds so good right now.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on October 27, 2007, 10:39:00 PM
Lol, I once brought my famous spinach dip to a picnic Boyfriend's family was having.
They asked me for the recipe and I gave a broad wink. "It's a secret . . . . the secret is, it's on the box of soup mix"
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Morticia on October 28, 2007, 10:26:13 AM
If I followed a recipe, I will share the recipe. Unfortunately, most of the time I cook by wrist, so there's no way I can give a recipe. I've never even made the same meatloaf twice. I really believe people have the right to determine whether or not they are going to share their recipes for whatever reason.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: J.D. on October 28, 2007, 11:24:01 AM
Wow, I just read that whole thread in one sitting, and it was interesting to say the least.  Gave me some good things to think about too . . . and it also made me hungry, lol.

I'm not quite sure where I sit on this issue.  One one hand, I want to be kind and if sharing a recipe makes one of my friends happy and they're appreciative, I don't mind so much.  On the other hand, there are a lot of recipes I have that are also my mother's, that I learned and continue to learn from her, from the time I had to stand on a kitchen chair to reach the counter, to now, when I have to reach things in high cupboards for her.  (Sorry Mom  ;) )  For me, that's a pretty important connection with my mother and it's something I want to keep special between us.  Plus, to be honest, a lot of my friends would prefer that I cook for them rather than having to figure out how to make my mother's lamb stew for themselves.  And I LOVE to cook for people, so it works out well.

Like a lot of other people here, I also improvise and make up recipes as I go along or alternately, I have made them so often for so long, I know the recipe inside out and backwards, so I may not have a paper copy that I can find.  For example, I have a cookie recipe that my female friends call "Org*asm Cookies". (Not sure if that'd be censored, so I did so just to be safe.)  I kid you not.  Numerous times I've been asked for the recipe, but when I start to rhyme it off, they don't want to write it down, they just want me to give them a copy, lol.  I could probably find my copy, but for me, it's easier to just give it verbally since it's in my head. Same with my recipe for turkey soup.  My friends usually stop me once they realize that they actually have to cook a whole turkey so they have a carcass to boil down, lol.  (Hey, what else am I going to do with leftovers from our Christmas dinner?)

Oh, and the "Org*asm Cookies"?  The recipe is from an old edition of the Five Roses Cookbook, so it's not really mine to share anyway, lol.  This one, from AllRecipes.com is pretty similar, but mine has coconut and more cocoa:  http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/No-Bake-Cookies-II/Detail.aspx

Edit to add:  Oh. My. Goodness.  AllRecipes has a modified version with peanut butter . . . so much for my diet.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 28, 2007, 11:37:23 AM
Coconut seems to be one of those foods for which there is no middle ground.  Seems you either loathe it, or you love it.

Absolutely!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: jimithing on October 28, 2007, 11:41:29 AM
Coconut seems to be one of those foods for which there is no middle ground.  Seems you either loathe it, or you love it.

Absolutely!

Count me in for "loathe."  I actually like the flavor, but I hate the texture.  So, while I like pina coladas, I can't stand German Chocolate cake, Almond Joys, etc.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: megswsu on October 28, 2007, 01:02:19 PM
Coconut seems to be one of those foods for which there is no middle ground.  Seems you either loathe it, or you love it.

Absolutely!

Count me in for "loathe."  I actually like the flavor, but I hate the texture.  So, while I like pina coladas, I can't stand German Chocolate cake, Almond Joys, etc.

You're missing out then.  :) I make a mean German Chocolate cake. I get lots of compliments when I make it. And I too loathe coconut, especially in it's shredded form. However the coconut-pecan frosting I make is fantastic. It's the one time I'll eat coconut.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 28, 2007, 01:04:36 PM
I love coconut so much that I could eat the shredded coconut straight from the bag. I don't, but I could!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: jimithing on October 28, 2007, 01:06:40 PM
I love coconut so much that I could eat the shredded coconut straight from the bag. I don't, but I could!

That's probably a lot healthier than me eating chocolate chips out of the bag!  :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MDefarge on October 28, 2007, 01:09:07 PM
I love coconut so much that I could eat the shredded coconut straight from the bag. I don't, but I could!

That's probably a lot healthier than me eating chocolate chips out of the bag!  :)

No no, you've got it all wrong, as long as you're standing up when you eat those chocolate chips -the calories don't count ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 28, 2007, 01:15:23 PM
I love coconut so much that I could eat the shredded coconut straight from the bag. I don't, but I could!

That's probably a lot healthier than me eating chocolate chips out of the bag!  :)

No no, you've got it all wrong, as long as you're standing up when you eat those chocolate chips -the calories don't count ;)

Well, let's go for broke. Grab a Ritz cracker, drizzle with chocolate sauce, sprinkle with coconut so that it adheres to the chocolate sauce, top with chocolate chips, and eat the whole shebang.

You can then honestly say you ate a cracker for a snack.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 28, 2007, 02:07:07 PM
I love coconut so much that I could eat the shredded coconut straight from the bag. I don't, but I could!

I do, I have no shame when it comes to coconut!  ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: AprilRenee on October 28, 2007, 02:07:51 PM
I love coconut so much that I could eat the shredded coconut straight from the bag. I don't, but I could!

I do, I have no shame when it comes to coconut!  ;)

Straight from the bag? no. But toasted? mmmmmmmmm
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 28, 2007, 02:09:25 PM
I love coconut so much that I could eat the shredded coconut straight from the bag. I don't, but I could!

I do, I have no shame when it comes to coconut!  ;)

Straight from the bag? no. But toasted? mmmmmmmmm

See, now while I would definitely not turn my nose at toasted coconut, I prefer it untoasted, it seems juicier to me :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 28, 2007, 02:10:18 PM
I love coconut so much that I could eat the shredded coconut straight from the bag. I don't, but I could!

And Cathy, if you are ever interested, I have a whole stash of recipes shrined for my Love to the Coconut    ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on October 28, 2007, 02:10:56 PM
I love coconut so much that I could eat the shredded coconut straight from the bag. I don't, but I could!

And Cathy, if you are ever interested, I have a whole stash of recipes shrined for my Love to the Coconut    ;D

I'm definitely interested. Do we need to ask for a whole "Coconut" category in the recipe section?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 28, 2007, 02:15:39 PM
I love coconut so much that I could eat the shredded coconut straight from the bag. I don't, but I could!

And Cathy, if you are ever interested, I have a whole stash of recipes shrined for my Love to the Coconut    ;D

I'm definitely interested. Do we need to ask for a whole "Coconut" category in the recipe section?

I think we should.  Here's an teaser for you,super easy, but delicious: 

Coconut Dip
2/3 cup sour cream
1/3 cup coconut cream (the more solid kind - I like CocoLopez)
1/3 cup brown sugar

Mix all together then add shredded coconut, as much as you prefer to taste ( I like mine chunky with coconut meat).  Then eat with fruit: bananas, pineapple, strawberries.  Then you can say you had fruit for a snack!  ;)

Edited to add, you need to drain any liquid away from the solid of the cream of coconut. Use the solids only. For thicker dip, chill a couple hours.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Secret on October 28, 2007, 02:35:31 PM
Wow,  I have always asked for recpies and received them. Consequently I have always given recipes wehn asked.  Truth be told, I'd be kind of sad if someone didn't give me a recipe.  I can't help the way I feel.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 28, 2007, 04:16:38 PM
Coconut Dip
2/3 cup sour cream
1/3 cup coconut cream (the more solid kind - I like CocoLopez)
1/3 cup brown sugar

Mix all together then add shredded coconut, as much as you prefer to taste ( I like mine chunky with coconut meat).  Then eat with fruit: bananas, pineapple, strawberries.  Then you can say you had fruit for a snack!  ;)


Can you buy coconut cream in a grocery store, or do you have to make it?

You can buy it in the grocery store. I'm not sure where you are, but here in the US you can,  There are two places to look.  Either by the drink mixes, look for a brand called "CocoLopez" (it has a parrot on it). Or you can check in the International Foods, where the Goya stuff is, and they have it there too, just a different brand.  You want to look for "cream of coconut" not milk.  Give the can a shake, and it should be mostly solid not liquid.  When I have to make do with a different brand, I drain the liquid out and use the solid parts.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on October 28, 2007, 04:23:32 PM
You can buy it in the grocery store. I'm not sure where you are, but here in the US you can,  There are two places to look.  Either by the drink mixes, look for a brand called "CocoLopez" (it has a parrot on it). Or you can check in the International Foods, where the Goya stuff is, and they have it there too, just a different brand.  You want to look for "cream of coconut" not milk.  Give the can a shake, and it should be mostly solid not liquid.  When I have to make do with a different brand, I drain the liquid out and use the solid parts.

Neat, thanks. I'm in the US (usually... for shopping I am anyways) but we mostly have smaller ethnic markets in my neighborhood. That dip sounds good enough for an expedition to the mainstream though!! :)

It is SO yummy.  You may want to chill it a few hours first, I should have mentioned that.  Watch, Cathy ran off to make it and is trying to lick runny dip out of bowl, saying "Curse you Grasshopper!" ;)

But, definitely drain the liquid out and use only the solid or you'll end up with runny dip.. Which my friend actually prefers it that way, I like it thick and to stick to my fruit.  The coconut meat added helps that :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: mlooney on October 28, 2007, 07:42:32 PM
I love coconut so much that I could eat the shredded coconut straight from the bag. I don't, but I could!



Well, let's go for broke. Grab a Ritz cracker, drizzle with chocolate sauce, sprinkle with coconut so that it adheres to the chocolate sauce, top with chocolate chips, and eat the whole shebang.

You can then honestly say you ate a cracker for a snack.

Here's another. Take a piece of bread. Put some butter on it, sprinkle with a little sugar, then top with coconut. Put in a toaster oven and bake until coconut browns. Yummy!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: katarain on October 29, 2007, 11:05:15 AM
For those of you who want the reluctant cooks to share recipes, I think your only recourse it to create a recipe SO GOOD that you can use it to barter for the other recipes that you want.

Instead of thinking sour thoughts about people not wanting to give away their hard work, try to get some currency of your own.  And in this case, money does NOT work.  Knowledge may.  No guarantees.

***

On another note, I like the food that I make, but I don't think anything could really be made into a recipe.  I make really good sandwiches, burgers, burritos, biscuits, soup (sometimes), pasta dishes, and a few other things.  But I just add what seems good.  Why in the world would I measure?  But then, most of the food I make wouldn't lend itself to a recipe very well.  Who needs a recipe for burgers?  Things are always different, anyway. Sometimes I might add onions to the raw meat, sometimes I might add A-1.  Sometimes I don't add anything. 

My tomato sauces are VERY good, if I do say so myself.  (I say tomato sauces, because sometimes they have meat, sometimes they go on pasta, sometimes pizza, etc.)  But they're always different! Different spices, different amounts, different vegetables.   I season to taste!

I experiment and try to remember what does and doesn't work.  I have a few tried and true recipes that I got from my mom growing up.  I suppose I have real recipes for those.  Macaroni Salad, Special K Loaf, vegan enchiladas with homemade cashew cheese, and a few other things.  I always call my mom, though, if I can't remember how much of something to use.

And when I'm in doubt, I look in my Betty Crocker cookbook for ideas.  Works for me.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on October 29, 2007, 02:37:17 PM
Wow,  I have always asked for recpies and received them. Consequently I have always given recipes wehn asked.  Truth be told, I'd be kind of sad if someone didn't give me a recipe.  I can't help the way I feel.

Sad is one thing. It's being resentful that I think is wrong. I'd be sad too if I couldn't get a recipe for something I really liked but I wouldn't think less of the person for it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: kingsrings on October 30, 2007, 10:27:38 AM
I'm kind of with Flora Louise on this one. As others have stated it doesn't hurt anyone to share a recipe.

With the following exceptions:
1. They're a professional cook, in this case it would be like asking free advice from a lawyer.

2. They know the person will use it in their social circles and take credit for it.

3. They know the person will ruin it and then credit it to them.

Other than this I can think of no reason not to give somebody one.

ITA. Are they really so insecure that they can't bear the thought of someone having the same recipe??

Sheesh, imagine what the culinary world would be like if nobody ever, ever gave out recipes to begin with.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on October 30, 2007, 11:11:53 AM
I'm kind of with Flora Louise on this one. As others have stated it doesn't hurt anyone to share a recipe.

With the following exceptions:
1. They're a professional cook, in this case it would be like asking free advice from a lawyer.

2. They know the person will use it in their social circles and take credit for it.

3. They know the person will ruin it and then credit it to them.

Other than this I can think of no reason not to give somebody one.

ITA. Are they really so insecure that they can't bear the thought of someone having the same recipe??

Sheesh, imagine what the culinary world would be like if nobody ever, ever gave out recipes to begin with.




 On the other hand I can't imagine what sense of entitlement one would have to have in order to expect that someone give them their intellectual property on demand. 
 Are the people who are so upset and offended at not being given a recipe, the same way anytime someone refuses their 'requests'?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Sharnita on October 30, 2007, 11:23:55 AM
it seems like it would be nice if she shared it with family at least.  Maybe she could write it down to be shared after her death (though I don't know how you'd ask that).

My Grandma shaed her recipes.  Unfortunately, they read "3 handfuls of x and 2 pinches of w".  Sadly my younger sisters don't remember certain dishes and we can't replicate them.

I do have to say that if someone admires my knowledge of X and wants to sahre it with others I am not particularly upset.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on October 30, 2007, 12:01:31 PM
I'm kind of with Flora Louise on this one. As others have stated it doesn't hurt anyone to share a recipe.

With the following exceptions:
1. They're a professional cook, in this case it would be like asking free advice from a lawyer.

2. They know the person will use it in their social circles and take credit for it.

3. They know the person will ruin it and then credit it to them.

Other than this I can think of no reason not to give somebody one.

ITA. Are they really so insecure that they can't bear the thought of someone having the same recipe??

Sheesh, imagine what the culinary world would be like if nobody ever, ever gave out recipes to begin with.

Culinary is based on first solid technique and second innovation. The best chefs have plenty of recipes they never share.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 30, 2007, 02:07:26 PM
Are they really so insecure that they can't bear the thought of someone having the same recipe??

Please read the thread.  Those of us who have special recipes are getting rather sick of being insulted when we have provided page after page of perfectly reasonable explanations for why we prefer not to share particular recipes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on October 30, 2007, 02:13:59 PM
I'm kind of with Flora Louise on this one. As others have stated it doesn't hurt anyone to share a recipe.

With the following exceptions:
1. They're a professional cook, in this case it would be like asking free advice from a lawyer.

2. They know the person will use it in their social circles and take credit for it.

3. They know the person will ruin it and then credit it to them.

Other than this I can think of no reason not to give somebody one.

ITA. Are they really so insecure that they can't bear the thought of someone having the same recipe??


On the other hand, who is so completely entitled that they think they should be given everything they ask for, simply because they disagree with the intended giver's reason for keeping it to themselves?  ::)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on October 30, 2007, 08:44:23 PM
On the other hand, who is so completely entitled that they think they should be given everything they ask for, simply because they disagree with the intended giver's reason for keeping it to themselves?  ::)

caranfin, you summed this up nicely.  someone wants a recipe, and they are irritated because they can't get it for whatever reason?  what makes them entiteled to receive that recipe, just because they want it?  the person who wants the recipe will simply not take no for an answer.  and i will definitely call those people spoiled and entitled.  just because they will NOT take no for an answer.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: AprilRenee on October 30, 2007, 09:11:05 PM
I still don't get why it's wrong to demand directions on how to make the pattern for knitting that I drew up, but it's NOT wrong to demand a recipe that I created.

Both are things that I created. Both you could make if you had the proper equipment. Both you can sell for money.

So for those of you that believe it's selfish not to give out recipes, is it also selfish not to give out patterns that are created by someone?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on October 31, 2007, 03:42:52 PM
I demand that knitting pattern, right this very moment.

I also demand you come over and teach me to knit.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: AprilRenee on October 31, 2007, 05:34:06 PM
I demand that knitting pattern, right this very moment.

I also demand you come over and teach me to knit.

Ok. when i get good enough at knitting to create a real pattern I will do so :P
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on October 31, 2007, 05:54:22 PM
When I crochet or knit a baby blanket, I very seldom use a pattern.

I have had people, at baby showers, make me sit down and go over how I created a blanket row by row.

Yes, some of the things I create are wonderful ;D, but I create them.  I spend hours making, undoing, redoing, buying new supplies, testing, tasting, eyeballing and starting over from scratch.  Frankly, what I do is art.  What artist want to share techniques uncompensated?

If I use a pattern or a recipe, I will tell you where I got it.  If someone gives me a great tip, I will share with them, otherwise - I am no longer sharing my original thoughts without compensation.  I am very nice with my refusals, but if you are not my daughter, you probably are not going to get the recipe for my own, from scratch creations.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on November 01, 2007, 11:38:12 AM
I'm kind of with Flora Louise on this one. As others have stated it doesn't hurt anyone to share a recipe.

With the following exceptions:
1. They're a professional cook, in this case it would be like asking free advice from a lawyer.

2. They know the person will use it in their social circles and take credit for it.

3. They know the person will ruin it and then credit it to them.

Other than this I can think of no reason not to give somebody one.

ITA. Are they really so insecure that they can't bear the thought of someone having the same recipe??

Sheesh, imagine what the culinary world would be like if nobody ever, ever gave out recipes to begin with.
Have you read the thread?  This is nothing to do with insecurity. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on November 01, 2007, 01:51:39 PM
I demand that knitting pattern, right this very moment.

I also demand you come over and teach me to knit.

Ok. when i get good enough at knitting to create a real pattern I will do so :P

Coises, foilt again.    ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Lady Vavasour on November 01, 2007, 06:27:43 PM
Golly. Who knew this was so controversial?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 01, 2007, 06:54:24 PM
Golly. Who knew this was so controversial?

22 pages worth.  i can't remember the last time we had a thread this long.

i do have to wonder at those who are posting here as being so offended that someone won't give them a recipe.  it's FOOD people!!!!  it's a RECIPE!!!  someone told you no, so get over it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on November 01, 2007, 07:03:49 PM
Golly. Who knew this was so controversial?

22 pages worth.  i can't remember the last time we had a thread this long.

i do have to wonder at those who are posting here as being so offended that someone won't give them a recipe.  it's FOOD people!!!!  it's a RECIPE!!!  someone told you no, so get over it.

I'll tell you, the Great Vegetarian Bridal Shower Debate! Do you remember it? It was over the summer, and I want to say it went on almost 30 pages, if I recall correctly. Man, *that* was heated!  :-\
So what happens if someone has a recipe and refuses to give it to a vegetarian? Or a vegetarian refusing to give a recipe to an omnivore? Can we start a new thread just to see how many pages we can get to? Ok, now I'm just being a troublemaker, (and just kidding! no flaming please)
I'll go back to my cage now....   >:D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on November 01, 2007, 07:10:39 PM
Golly. Who knew this was so controversial?

22 pages worth.  i can't remember the last time we had a thread this long.

i do have to wonder at those who are posting here as being so offended that someone won't give them a recipe.  it's FOOD people!!!!  it's a RECIPE!!!  someone told you no, so get over it.

I'll tell you, the Great Vegetarian Bridal Shower Debate! Do you remember it? It was over the summer, and I want to say it went on almost 30 pages, if I recall correctly. Man, *that* was heated!  :-\
So what happens if someone has a recipe and refuses to give it to a vegetarian? Or a vegetarian refusing to give a recipe to an omnivore? Can we start a new thread just to see how many pages we can get to? Ok, now I'm just being a troublemaker, (and just kidding! no flaming please)
I'll go back to my cage now....   >:D

Don't get me started. My soul broke tragically when Gram started making her borscht vegetarian! *insert dramatic swoon smiley here*

...Just kidding!  >:D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on November 01, 2007, 07:17:25 PM
Golly. Who knew this was so controversial?

22 pages worth.  i can't remember the last time we had a thread this long.

i do have to wonder at those who are posting here as being so offended that someone won't give them a recipe.  it's FOOD people!!!!  it's a RECIPE!!!  someone told you no, so get over it.

I'll tell you, the Great Vegetarian Bridal Shower Debate! Do you remember it? It was over the summer, and I want to say it went on almost 30 pages, if I recall correctly. Man, *that* was heated!  :-\
So what happens if someone has a recipe and refuses to give it to a vegetarian? Or a vegetarian refusing to give a recipe to an omnivore? Can we start a new thread just to see how many pages we can get to? Ok, now I'm just being a troublemaker, (and just kidding! no flaming please)
I'll go back to my cage now....   >:D

You have to work in peanut allergies too.

BadElle is going back to her sack now
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 01, 2007, 07:19:47 PM
Golly. Who knew this was so controversial?

22 pages worth.  i can't remember the last time we had a thread this long.

i do have to wonder at those who are posting here as being so offended that someone won't give them a recipe.  it's FOOD people!!!!  it's a RECIPE!!!  someone told you no, so get over it.

I'm not defending anybody's demandiness here, but I think this is the whole point the pro-sharers are making...
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on November 01, 2007, 07:25:30 PM
Golly. Who knew this was so controversial?

22 pages worth.  i can't remember the last time we had a thread this long.

i do have to wonder at those who are posting here as being so offended that someone won't give them a recipe.  it's FOOD people!!!!  it's a RECIPE!!!  someone told you no, so get over it.

I'm not defending anybody's demandiness here, but I think this is the whole point the pro-sharers are making...


Yah, what they are saying is "It's just food and we can't do it ourselves so you have to give it on demand no matter what your feelings are. What WE want is so much more important than any feelings you have."
 Which is what the non sharers are reacting to.
 
It's a recipe, it's someone else's property, work and time. Just because you want it does not make it your right to have it.  With anything else, any other type of property I can't see any of the pro "share"ers would be so "liberal" in their demands but because it's food, it's fair game and no one can tell them no.
 This thread has made me even LESS likely to share "recipes" not more.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on November 01, 2007, 07:30:00 PM
Why IS food fair game? No one is asking for patterns or creative writing. But somehow recipes are ok? I don't get it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 01, 2007, 07:39:51 PM
I never said food was fair game, simply that I can see both sides of the argument.  Personally, I don't necessarily agree with some of the arguments being made for not sharing recipes (some, on the other hand, made perfect sense), but I recognize that people have the right not to share.  Then again, I'd have no problem sharing a knitting or sewing pattern that I designed either.  I create for myself, for the joy of creation, and as long as I have the original, I'm happy.  I know it's not like that for everybody, and everybody had their own life experiences that influence their opinions and feelings and reasons for creating, so I wouldn't expect everybody to act as I would.  I was simply pointing out the interesting parallel between the argument of "geez, it's just a recipe, why do you care so much?"

It did seem to me that most of the pro-sharers (with some extreme exceptions, of course) simply weren't happy that people don't want to share, and would be a little annoyed, briefly, if told no.  It's always fair to be a bit annoyed if someone says no to something, as long as you don't take it out on that person, throw a hissy fit, or hold it against them for any length of time.  There's a big difference between moping or grumbling internally for a few minutes and spending the next year resenting the person who wouldn't share.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on November 01, 2007, 07:50:32 PM
I'm okay with unhappiness and mild annoyance. I'm not okay with people thinking less of me for it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on November 01, 2007, 08:04:07 PM
I don't even have any recipes that I wouldn't share or any that I want to ask for, and I am still getting irritated that some people think they are owed recipes.

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: AprilRenee on November 01, 2007, 08:23:38 PM
I don't even have any recipes that I wouldn't share or any that I want to ask for, and I am still getting irritated that some people think they are owed recipes.



haha that's the same thing I was feeling
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on November 01, 2007, 08:26:34 PM
Golly. Who knew this was so controversial?

22 pages worth.  i can't remember the last time we had a thread this long.

i do have to wonder at those who are posting here as being so offended that someone won't give them a recipe.  it's FOOD people!!!!  it's a RECIPE!!!  someone told you no, so get over it.

I'll tell you, the Great Vegetarian Bridal Shower Debate! Do you remember it? It was over the summer, and I want to say it went on almost 30 pages, if I recall correctly. Man, *that* was heated!  :-\
So what happens if someone has a recipe and refuses to give it to a vegetarian? Or a vegetarian refusing to give a recipe to an omnivore? Can we start a new thread just to see how many pages we can get to? Ok, now I'm just being a troublemaker, (and just kidding! no flaming please)
I'll go back to my cage now....   >:D

You have to work in peanut allergies too.

BadElle is going back to her sack now

And  shoes in the House and public BreastFeeding.....Evilwren is crawling back under that large rock,again
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: afbluebelle on November 01, 2007, 09:32:24 PM
I'm starting to feel guilty for not sharing... next time Roomie asks for my alfredo recipe, I'll make him stand and watch, because I don't measure any of my recipes, just when I find a new one to try.

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on November 02, 2007, 06:51:24 AM
Golly. Who knew this was so controversial?

22 pages worth.  i can't remember the last time we had a thread this long.

i do have to wonder at those who are posting here as being so offended that someone won't give them a recipe.  it's FOOD people!!!!  it's a RECIPE!!!  someone told you no, so get over it.

I'll tell you, the Great Vegetarian Bridal Shower Debate! Do you remember it? It was over the summer, and I want to say it went on almost 30 pages, if I recall correctly. Man, *that* was heated!  :-\
So what happens if someone has a recipe and refuses to give it to a vegetarian? Or a vegetarian refusing to give a recipe to an omnivore? Can we start a new thread just to see how many pages we can get to? Ok, now I'm just being a troublemaker, (and just kidding! no flaming please)
I'll go back to my cage now....   >:D

You have to work in peanut allergies too.

BadElle is going back to her sack now

And  shoes in the House and public BreastFeeding.....Evilwren is crawling back under that large rock,again

And don't forget having a separate room designated for the children and one for the adults (ala Child Free Beach!)   >:D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 02, 2007, 06:14:50 PM
Golly. Who knew this was so controversial?

22 pages worth.  i can't remember the last time we had a thread this long.

i do have to wonder at those who are posting here as being so offended that someone won't give them a recipe.  it's FOOD people!!!!  it's a RECIPE!!!  someone told you no, so get over it.

I'll tell you, the Great Vegetarian Bridal Shower Debate! Do you remember it? It was over the summer, and I want to say it went on almost 30 pages, if I recall correctly. Man, *that* was heated!  :-\
So what happens if someone has a recipe and refuses to give it to a vegetarian? Or a vegetarian refusing to give a recipe to an omnivore? Can we start a new thread just to see how many pages we can get to? Ok, now I'm just being a troublemaker, (and just kidding! no flaming please)I'll go back to my cage now....   >:D

if i think about this right now, it might give me a headache....yeah, it'll definitely give me a headache.  so i'll just wander around the board and play like Scarlett O'Hara  ::)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on November 02, 2007, 06:19:21 PM
Golly. Who knew this was so controversial?

22 pages worth.  i can't remember the last time we had a thread this long.

i do have to wonder at those who are posting here as being so offended that someone won't give them a recipe.  it's FOOD people!!!!  it's a RECIPE!!!  someone told you no, so get over it.

I'll tell you, the Great Vegetarian Bridal Shower Debate! Do you remember it? It was over the summer, and I want to say it went on almost 30 pages, if I recall correctly. Man, *that* was heated!  :-\
So what happens if someone has a recipe and refuses to give it to a vegetarian? Or a vegetarian refusing to give a recipe to an omnivore? Can we start a new thread just to see how many pages we can get to? Ok, now I'm just being a troublemaker, (and just kidding! no flaming please)
I'll go back to my cage now....   >:D

You have to work in peanut allergies too.

BadElle is going back to her sack now

And  shoes in the House and public BreastFeeding.....Evilwren is crawling back under that large rock,again

And don't forget having a separate room designated for the children and one for the adults (ala Child Free Beach!)   >:D

And by the looks of things we should probably add a dog  ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 02, 2007, 06:21:36 PM
I never said food was fair game, simply that I can see both sides of the argument.  Personally, I don't necessarily agree with some of the arguments being made for not sharing recipes (some, on the other hand, made perfect sense), but I recognize that people have the right not to share. 

see, here is what i just don't get.  it doesn't MATTER if you (generic you) agree with someone's reason for not sharing or not.  it just doesn't.  
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 02, 2007, 06:22:51 PM
Golly. Who knew this was so controversial?

22 pages worth.  i can't remember the last time we had a thread this long.

i do have to wonder at those who are posting here as being so offended that someone won't give them a recipe.  it's FOOD people!!!!  it's a RECIPE!!!  someone told you no, so get over it.

I'll tell you, the Great Vegetarian Bridal Shower Debate! Do you remember it? It was over the summer, and I want to say it went on almost 30 pages, if I recall correctly. Man, *that* was heated!  :-\
So what happens if someone has a recipe and refuses to give it to a vegetarian? Or a vegetarian refusing to give a recipe to an omnivore? Can we start a new thread just to see how many pages we can get to? Ok, now I'm just being a troublemaker, (and just kidding! no flaming please)
I'll go back to my cage now....   >:D

You have to work in peanut allergies too.

BadElle is going back to her sack now

And  shoes in the House and public BreastFeeding.....Evilwren is crawling back under that large rock,again

And don't forget having a separate room designated for the children and one for the adults (ala Child Free Beach!)   >:D

And by the looks of things we should probably add a dog  ;)

what about those of us who own cats?  i'm feeling discriminated against here!!!   :D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on November 02, 2007, 06:24:06 PM


what about those of us who own cats?  i'm feeling discriminated against here!!!   :D

I'd be happy to share my cat recipes with you.

 >:D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 02, 2007, 06:28:21 PM


what about those of us who own cats?  i'm feeling discriminated against here!!!   :D

I'd be happy to share my cat recipes with you.

 >:D

 ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 02, 2007, 06:31:18 PM
I never said food was fair game, simply that I can see both sides of the argument.  Personally, I don't necessarily agree with some of the arguments being made for not sharing recipes (some, on the other hand, made perfect sense), but I recognize that people have the right not to share. 

see, here is what i just don't get.  it doesn't MATTER if you (generic you) agree with someone's reason for not sharing or not.  it just doesn't.  

First of all, I hope you read the second part of that sentence.  I'm assuming that you have and you were making a general comment :)

I know it doesn't make a difference whether or not someone agrees with your reasoning, but it can be very hard to wrap your head around something that just doesn't make sense.  I'm not saying that people have the right to make a fuss over it, but people are entitled to their feelings.  Everyone, I'm sure, has been in some sort of situation where they just don't get it, and when you just don't get it, it can be harder to respect a decision.  Not impossible, not justified or anything like that, simply harder.  Of course the person being told no shouldn't look down on the person who said no, but we're all still human beings, with human emotions.  It seems to me as if some of the posters simply can't accept that people may have a normal, human, emotional reaction to being told no about something they just don't understand.  Maybe they have parents who constantly told them "because I said so," or made up weird and illogical reasons for saying no, and they're just somewhat "traumatized" by it (and I use the term traumatized loosely).  Maybe they just have an entirely different set of values and priorities.  It's hard to truly put yourself in someone else's shoes.  No, people aren't entitled to recipes, but they are entitled to ask questions and try to understand what's going on, and they're entitled to not agree with you, just like you're entitled to not agree with them.  As long as they handle it politely and don't demand, I don't see why it's a big deal if they don't agree with your reasoning.

None of this, of course, applies to the posters who have made rude accusations of "power trips" and such, simply to the people who have asked questions nicely, trying to understand something that they don't feel themselves.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 02, 2007, 06:35:30 PM
I never said food was fair game, simply that I can see both sides of the argument.  Personally, I don't necessarily agree with some of the arguments being made for not sharing recipes (some, on the other hand, made perfect sense), but I recognize that people have the right not to share. 

see, here is what i just don't get.  it doesn't MATTER if you (generic you) agree with someone's reason for not sharing or not.  it just doesn't.  

First of all, I hope you read the second part of that sentence.  I'm assuming that you have and you were making a general comment :)

well of course i did, which is why i stipulated (generic you)  ;).  perhaps what i'm reacting to are those people who think there simply is NO acceptable reason to be told they may not have a recipe. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 02, 2007, 06:42:13 PM
Oops, I totally missed the generic you stipulation!  My mistake, and I'm glad that I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt!  It helps me out when I screw up if I haven't gotten myself in a tizzy ;)

I agree that the people who say that there is no acceptable reason are being unreasonable.  I'm a sharer myself, but I respect people not sharing, and this thread has shed a lot of light on the reasons why.  There are some things I never thought of!  I just wanted to point out that there are a lot of people who aren't being entitled, but are just genuinely confused.  They get overshadowed by the militant sharer types, which happens in all kinds of situations, sadly :(
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Evil Duckie on November 02, 2007, 09:41:40 PM
.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on November 02, 2007, 10:05:16 PM
Oh my goodness!

As one who would shrug their shoulders and would say "really?"

Here is my thinking. Food is about family and friends, we share food to bring us together. Every culture breaks bread with others as a way of coming closer together. There is an inherent socialness to food that does not belong to knitting patterns or anything else that you can come up with.

Recipes are an extension of that. When someone is tight with their recipes (without a very good reason, which should probably be explained) the person asking is instinctually going to feel slighted. It's sort of a "I'll share this with you, but not this" and you've drawn the line of where the relationship is.

It's not that we're entitled, it's more a feeling of being cut off and or shut down, if you will.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on November 02, 2007, 10:07:09 PM
I will happily feed people any time any way. I won't give out my special recipes. I don't think the two are really comparable.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on November 02, 2007, 10:22:56 PM
Quote
I don't think the two are really comparable

But instinctually, I do. That's the nature of the argument and what it comes down to. There are obviously two different ways of looking at it.

I've never had anyone not share a recipe with me, it's part of the fun. Oh, you liked it so much you want the recipe, of course here it is! is the only response I've really ever received.

If someone turned me down at this point after this thread, I would have to remind myself, there are plenty of good reasons and they're not being stingy. But at least you all let me know the thinking, because going into this I really was mystified.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: nolechica on November 03, 2007, 03:25:57 AM
I always share recipes and have had very few people who wouldn't share with me (usually not a precise recipe to share).

As for the whole baking=precision, not in my world, but I still prefer it to cooking.  I bake to relieve stress, dozen of cookies or mini rum cakes at the time.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on November 03, 2007, 06:39:28 AM


what about those of us who own cats?  i'm feeling discriminated against here!!!   :D

I'd be happy to share my cat recipes with you.

 >:D

just..........oh....my... Thanks, Cathy, now it will take me all morning to clean up this coffee! that was the funniest thing I've read all week!  >:D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 03, 2007, 08:28:35 AM
If someone turned me down at this point after this thread, I would have to remind myself, there are plenty of good reasons and they're not being stingy. But at least you all let me know the thinking, because going into this I really was mystified.

happy to help.  and after all, a polite exchange of viewpoints is always a good thing.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 03, 2007, 08:30:14 AM


what about those of us who own cats?  i'm feeling discriminated against here!!!   :D

I'd be happy to share my cat recipes with you.

 >:D

at 3:00 this morning, i would have CALLED you to get your very favorites when i kept waking up with 1 1/2 feet of MaineCoon cat tail in my nose and mouth    >:D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: realtorlady on November 03, 2007, 05:11:15 PM
I will share recipes with SOME people, but I have one friend who I will no longer share with.  Here's why.  I had her over for dinner along with another woman friend and I made Shrimp Creole.  She liked it, asked for the recipe and was sure her husband would like it, too.  (It contains chopped celery, onion and green pepper sauted with tomatoes added and bay leaf and tobasco sauce).  A few weeks later, she called to say "My husband didn't like YOUR shrimp creole."  I said "Well, that's too bad.  Everyone has their own tastes but I'm surprised since you said he liked everything in it.  You remembered to put in the bay leaf?"  She said "Well, I was in a hurry so I didn't bother with all that, I just took a can of salsa and heated it up and stirred in some cooked shrimp but he said to tell you this dish is terrible and he thought you were a better cook than that!"
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 03, 2007, 05:34:32 PM
realtorlady, I don't blame you for not sharing with her any more!  What an idiot!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 03, 2007, 05:43:33 PM
I will share recipes with SOME people, but I have one friend who I will no longer share with.  Here's why.  I had her over for dinner along with another woman friend and I made Shrimp Creole.  She liked it, asked for the recipe and was sure her husband would like it, too.  (It contains chopped celery, onion and green pepper sauted with tomatoes added and bay leaf and tobasco sauce).  A few weeks later, she called to say "My husband didn't like YOUR shrimp creole."  I said "Well, that's too bad.  Everyone has their own tastes but I'm surprised since you said he liked everything in it.  You remembered to put in the bay leaf?"  She said "Well, I was in a hurry so I didn't bother with all that, I just took a can of salsa and heated it up and stirred in some cooked shrimp but he said to tell you this dish is terrible and he thought you were a better cook than that!"

she heated up canned salsa, and added cooked shrimp, called it shrimp creole, and blamed YOU?  pleaseplease realtor lady, never feed this woman again.  she does not deserve your excellent cooking.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on November 03, 2007, 07:07:53 PM
I will share recipes with SOME people, but I have one friend who I will no longer share with.  Here's why.  I had her over for dinner along with another woman friend and I made Shrimp Creole.  She liked it, asked for the recipe and was sure her husband would like it, too.  (It contains chopped celery, onion and green pepper sauted with tomatoes added and bay leaf and tobasco sauce).  A few weeks later, she called to say "My husband didn't like YOUR shrimp creole."  I said "Well, that's too bad.  Everyone has their own tastes but I'm surprised since you said he liked everything in it.  You remembered to put in the bay leaf?"  She said "Well, I was in a hurry so I didn't bother with all that, I just took a can of salsa and heated it up and stirred in some cooked shrimp but he said to tell you this dish is terrible and he thought you were a better cook than that!"
That sounds disgusting.
What's wrong with her head!?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 03, 2007, 07:28:56 PM
I will share recipes with SOME people, but I have one friend who I will no longer share with.  Here's why.  I had her over for dinner along with another woman friend and I made Shrimp Creole.  She liked it, asked for the recipe and was sure her husband would like it, too.  (It contains chopped celery, onion and green pepper sauted with tomatoes added and bay leaf and tobasco sauce).  A few weeks later, she called to say "My husband didn't like YOUR shrimp creole."  I said "Well, that's too bad.  Everyone has their own tastes but I'm surprised since you said he liked everything in it.  You remembered to put in the bay leaf?"  She said "Well, I was in a hurry so I didn't bother with all that, I just took a can of salsa and heated it up and stirred in some cooked shrimp but he said to tell you this dish is terrible and he thought you were a better cook than that!"
That sounds disgusting.
What's wrong with her head!?

we have a great fresh salsa in our local grocery that MIGHT come close in a pinch....but canned?  with thawed cooked shrimp?  just yuck.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on November 03, 2007, 07:53:37 PM
I will share recipes with SOME people, but I have one friend who I will no longer share with.  Here's why.  I had her over for dinner along with another woman friend and I made Shrimp Creole.  She liked it, asked for the recipe and was sure her husband would like it, too.  (It contains chopped celery, onion and green pepper sauted with tomatoes added and bay leaf and tobasco sauce).  A few weeks later, she called to say "My husband didn't like YOUR shrimp creole."  I said "Well, that's too bad.  Everyone has their own tastes but I'm surprised since you said he liked everything in it.  You remembered to put in the bay leaf?"  She said "Well, I was in a hurry so I didn't bother with all that, I just took a can of salsa and heated it up and stirred in some cooked shrimp but he said to tell you this dish is terrible and he thought you were a better cook than that!"

And that is why I don't share recipes. Too many experiences like that. Not as extreme though . . . .
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on November 04, 2007, 03:14:45 PM
Here is my thinking. Food is about family and friends, we share food to bring us together. Every culture breaks bread with others as a way of coming closer together. There is an inherent socialness to food that does not belong to knitting patterns or anything else that you can come up with.

Recipes are an extension of that. When someone is tight with their recipes (without a very good reason, which should probably be explained) the person asking is instinctually going to feel slighted. It's sort of a "I'll share this with you, but not this" and you've drawn the line of where the relationship is.

It's not that we're entitled, it's more a feeling of being cut off and or shut down, if you will.

So someone who is sharing their actual food with you is being "tight" if they don't want to share the recipe as well?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on November 04, 2007, 03:21:08 PM
I will share recipes with SOME people, but I have one friend who I will no longer share with.  Here's why.  I had her over for dinner along with another woman friend and I made Shrimp Creole.  She liked it, asked for the recipe and was sure her husband would like it, too.  (It contains chopped celery, onion and green pepper sauted with tomatoes added and bay leaf and tobasco sauce).  A few weeks later, she called to say "My husband didn't like YOUR shrimp creole."  I said "Well, that's too bad.  Everyone has their own tastes but I'm surprised since you said he liked everything in it.  You remembered to put in the bay leaf?"  She said "Well, I was in a hurry so I didn't bother with all that, I just took a can of salsa and heated it up and stirred in some cooked shrimp but he said to tell you this dish is terrible and he thought you were a better cook than that!"

"Friend, it seems as though your husband didn't like YOUR Shrimp Creole. He couldn't possibly have an opinion about MINE, because he hasn't tasted it yet."
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on November 04, 2007, 08:41:22 PM
Oh my goodness!

As one who would shrug their shoulders and would say "really?"

Here is my thinking. Food is about family and friends, we share food to bring us together. Every culture breaks bread with others as a way of coming closer together. There is an inherent socialness to food that does not belong to knitting patterns or anything else that you can come up with.

Recipes are an extension of that. When someone is tight with their recipes (without a very good reason, which should probably be explained) the person asking is instinctually going to feel slighted. It's sort of a "I'll share this with you, but not this" and you've drawn the line of where the relationship is.

It's not that we're entitled, it's more a feeling of being cut off and or shut down, if you will.

Yes, in my mind that is entitled. Every relationship has boundaries. At least every relationship that I've ever come across does. If you can't accept that a friendship or other relationship has boundaries, that is your issue and not mine. It is entitlement to say that because "you're willing to do this for me you HAVE to be willing to go the next step."  And I'd doubt that you'd get away with it in regards to any other sort of possession. 
 What it boils down to is respecting other folks boundaries.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: AprilRenee on November 04, 2007, 09:17:49 PM
Oh my goodness!

As one who would shrug their shoulders and would say "really?"

Here is my thinking. Food is about family and friends, we share food to bring us together. Every culture breaks bread with others as a way of coming closer together. There is an inherent socialness to food that does not belong to knitting patterns or anything else that you can come up with.

Recipes are an extension of that. When someone is tight with their recipes (without a very good reason, which should probably be explained) the person asking is instinctually going to feel slighted. It's sort of a "I'll share this with you, but not this" and you've drawn the line of where the relationship is.

It's not that we're entitled, it's more a feeling of being cut off and or shut down, if you will.

Yes, in my mind that is entitled. Every relationship has boundaries. At least every relationship that I've ever come across does. If you can't accept that a friendship or other relationship has boundaries, that is your issue and not mine. It is entitlement to say that because "you're willing to do this for me you HAVE to be willing to go the next step."  And I'd doubt that you'd get away with it in regards to any other sort of possession. 
 What it boils down to is respecting other folks boundaries.

I agree with Wren, and disagree with the poster in the quoted post. Food is NOT about family and friends. It CAN be about family and friends. You can go out to eat, or have a dinner party, but you can also achieve the same social, bringing together to get closer results from, say, a knitting circle. Or a discussion group who has managed to come to an agreement. Or working together on a hard project every day. Or with just about anyone who shares a hobby.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: kingsrings on November 05, 2007, 09:59:01 AM
Oh my goodness!

As one who would shrug their shoulders and would say "really?"

Here is my thinking. Food is about family and friends, we share food to bring us together. Every culture breaks bread with others as a way of coming closer together. There is an inherent socialness to food that does not belong to knitting patterns or anything else that you can come up with.

Recipes are an extension of that. When someone is tight with their recipes (without a very good reason, which should probably be explained) the person asking is instinctually going to feel slighted. It's sort of a "I'll share this with you, but not this" and you've drawn the line of where the relationship is.

It's not that we're entitled, it's more a feeling of being cut off and or shut down, if you will.

ITA
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on November 05, 2007, 10:31:56 AM
I think this differing attitude about the nature of food is at the heart of the debate. Once again the gaping chasm of POV strikes

For people who see food as a communal bonding experience, I can absolutely see why you'd feel slighted at being denied a recipe.
The other POV (which is where I come from) is that cooking is a craft. It's a skill I have developed. I share the labors of it, but it is not the communal experience that it is for me that it is for you.

I enjoy feeding people, but it's the same kind of feeling when I give away a scarf a crocheted or a sock monster I sewed. Not one of bonding, but 'I made this for you because I thought you'd like it.' If someone was upset with me because I didn't give them the recipe (or pattern) I feel disappointed. Wasn't giving away the fruits of my labor good enough?

The physical act of cooking together I find to be community and relationship building, but I don't feel the same way about sharing recipes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on November 05, 2007, 11:42:40 AM
Funny, I just remembered that my Great Grandmother would actually physically chase people out of her Kitchen if they dared to enter.  (In Family Folklore it is claimed that she chased them with a Carving knife but I don't actually believe that!)
I would love to know what she would have done if asked to share a recipe!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Evil Duckie on November 05, 2007, 12:31:16 PM
I have notice that the people who get upset with me for not sharing recipes are often the same ones who get mad because I won't create an original piece of artwork just for them for free because they want one.

Their reason is "After all I am an artist and should be thrilled about them wanting one and this would be great publicity for me" even though it would earn me nothing in either money or publicity.

I decide who I share recipes with and who I will give art to. You can ask but you don't have to right to demand anything from me.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: rashea on November 05, 2007, 02:17:11 PM
Sharing food can be a bonding experience. In fact, I rarely bake sweets without having some place to bring part of the batch. Sharing recipes doesn't do the same thing for me. When I share a food I usually get people dropping by, and talking, and laughing. That builds bonds. Me handing them a recipe card does nothing to build the bond. It actually could weaken it, because then they don't have to come to me to get their fix.

Beyond that, me giving away a knitted product and giving away the pattern aren't the same thing. I often create patterns, they take hours to get right. I may choose to give away the finished product, but not the pattern. For example, if I am working on a new stitch pattern I might start with a scarf, just to figure out the details. I might give the scarf away, but I might not give away the secret to making the stitches look just right. I might then use the stitch pattern to create something larger (like the skirt I just finished). I could choose to share a pattern with someone, but it is a choice. If someone looked down on me for not wanting to give away my creation then I'm not sure that I would want to be friends with them.

Do people who would resent someone for not sharing also resent a restaurant if they won't tell you what's in their "secret" sauce. Do you resent music artists who want to charge money for their work? Do you look down on authors who expect payment for their books?

 If you really want it, you are welcome to try to reverse engineer it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on November 05, 2007, 03:12:57 PM
For people who see food as a communal bonding experience, I can absolutely see why you'd feel slighted at being denied a recipe.

But why would people who bond over food feel slighted over being denied the instructions for creating that food? Why isn't the food enough?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on November 05, 2007, 04:34:14 PM
Funny, I just remembered that my Great Grandmother would actually physically chase people out of her Kitchen if they dared to enter.  (In Family Folklore it is claimed that she chased them with a Carving knife but I don't actually believe that!)
I would love to know what she would have done if asked to share a recipe!


We were (and still are) chased out of my grandmother's with a wooden spoon. I have continued this tradition in my own home! (sometimes with one of my nice Japanese knives if the mood strikes....
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: nolechica on November 06, 2007, 05:12:04 AM
For people who see food as a communal bonding experience, I can absolutely see why you'd feel slighted at being denied a recipe.

But why would people who bond over food feel slighted over being denied the instructions for creating that food? Why isn't the food enough?

It could be they don't like the price at which the food comes.  My grandmother is a great cook, but my grandfather is a bigot, so I've requested many recipes that I could create away from him.  They've all been freely given, btw.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Just Lori on November 06, 2007, 07:12:58 AM
For people who see food as a communal bonding experience, I can absolutely see why you'd feel slighted at being denied a recipe.

But why would people who bond over food feel slighted over being denied the instructions for creating that food? Why isn't the food enough?

Eating is, alas, a transient and temporary experience.  When I ask for a recipe, it's because I enjoy the dish immensely and don't expect the cook to prepare it for me time and time again. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Sharnita on November 06, 2007, 08:01:05 AM
Elle, Just Lori I think you explain some good points and without getting snarky about either viewpoint. 

I do have to say, I think it sometimes depends on who is asking.  If I asked an aquaintance at church for a recipe I would not think about it again if my request was declined - no problem.

If I asked a family member, as I believe OP did, I would be a little hurt at the refusal, especially if I was asking becayse I saw this dish as a traditional family recipe.  I look forward to having kids or even grandkids some day and giving them cookies made from my Grandma's recipe.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on November 06, 2007, 08:03:35 AM
For people who see food as a communal bonding experience, I can absolutely see why you'd feel slighted at being denied a recipe.

But why would people who bond over food feel slighted over being denied the instructions for creating that food? Why isn't the food enough?

It could be they don't like the price at which the food comes.  My grandmother is a great cook, but my grandfather is a bigot, so I've requested many recipes that I could create away from him.  They've all been freely given, btw.

In that case, one wouldn't be bonding over the food. And one would be trying to get the recipe in an attempt to spend less time with the cook. So I think that's pretty different from the scenario Elle was proposing.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on November 06, 2007, 12:13:19 PM
This thread reminds me of the time I asked a girl in a bar who cut her hair.
She said "I'm not going to tell you because so many people have asked and I don't want everyone going there to get my haircut."

Well, I was really just asking to be nice and to give her a compliment.  I already had a longtime hairdresser and was in no way planning to switch.
But of course,  I didn't tell her that because I felt like it would be snarky.

I am the type of person that might ask for a recipe as a compliment.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: bah12 on November 06, 2007, 03:46:39 PM
I don't get annoyed when people ask me for a recipe.  I do recognize this as a way of complimenting my food. 

But, as a cook, I do not readily or easily give away my recipes.  I might publish a cookbook one day, but likely, these recipes are something I would only want to share with my children, or neices and nephews.

What annoys me is, when asked for a recipe, if I decline to provide it, being made to feel like I OWE the recipe to the requester.  To me, this is the same as demanding that an artist to give you a paint-by-numbers diagram of one of their peices of art so that you can go create it for yourself.  Or even asking a designer to give you the pattern for one of their creations so that you can go make it.

I will thank you for your compliment of asking me for a recipe, but you are not, by any means, entitled to have it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 06, 2007, 04:55:25 PM
Oh my goodness!

As one who would shrug their shoulders and would say "really?"

Here is my thinking. Food is about family and friends, we share food to bring us together. Every culture breaks bread with others as a way of coming closer together. There is an inherent socialness to food that does not belong to knitting patterns or anything else that you can come up with.

Recipes are an extension of that. When someone is tight with their recipes (without a very good reason, which should probably be explained) the person asking is instinctually going to feel slighted. It's sort of a "I'll share this with you, but not this" and you've drawn the line of where the relationship is.

It's not that we're entitled, it's more a feeling of being cut off and or shut down, if you will.

I was going to post something exactly along these lines.  It does sting a little when you are told that you cannot share with your family and others the *experience* of the food you are currently enjoying so much.  The reasons do help a little bit - I can totally understand deep secret family recipes from grandma and some of the other reasons - but I won't lie about my feelings here - I did feel put off on the few times I asked politely for a recipe and was told no.  I think that food contains so many emotional components of sharing and happiness and contentment that it's natural to want to partake in that again and share it with others - when it's not to be shared, it can sting a little. 

(And honestly, I feel a bit put off that *this* POV is being treated a bit skeptically, as if it's not valid.  I think both sides are completely valid.  And I don't see why it's sides at all, really.  I think of cooking as a craft cause, well, it is.  It's a skill and a talent.  It's something you work at to perfect.  I enjoy working at it.  But I also understand that food and sharing food with others is a deeply emotional human experience.  It just is.  So of course there are going to be complicated emotions involved.  It doesn't make the emotions WRONG.  Like all things involved with etiquette, all that's important is how it's handled, and we have plenty of explanations within this thread on how to handle both asking for a recipe and saying no.)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on November 06, 2007, 05:24:21 PM
After reading this thread I have decided that if I ever DO have a recipe that I don't want to share, I will tell anyone that asks that I don't actually have a written recipe and that it comes out slightly different each time.

I think this is the easiest solution.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on November 06, 2007, 05:55:29 PM
After reading this thread I have decided that if I ever DO have a recipe that I don't want to share, I will tell anyone that asks that I don't actually have a written recipe and that it comes out slightly different each time.

I think this is the easiest solution.


After reading this thread, I have decided that if anyone asks me for a recipe, I'll get curled up in the fetal position on the floor and sob uncontrollably.  And ask for wine.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on November 06, 2007, 05:59:01 PM
After reading this thread, I have decided that if anyone asks me for a recipe, I'll get curled up in the fetal position on the floor and sob uncontrollably.  And ask for wine.
Good thing I already swallowed my beverage before reading this one!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on November 06, 2007, 06:12:22 PM
After reading this thread I have decided that if I ever DO have a recipe that I don't want to share, I will tell anyone that asks that I don't actually have a written recipe and that it comes out slightly different each time.

I think this is the easiest solution.


After reading this thread, I have decided that if anyone asks me for a recipe, I'll get curled up in the fetal position on the floor and sob uncontrollably.  And ask for wine.

I've decided just to stop cooking for folks, period.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Mammavan on November 06, 2007, 06:22:53 PM
Timing is everything in life - I found this thread on the day I was running a copy of the recipe booklet I put together for DD's shower.  It was a compendium of our family's favorite recipes, and one of her friends asked her if she'd share it.

When I was putting the booklet together, I was struck by how many of the recipes came from friends and relatives.  "Linda's Breakfast Casserole," "Dottie's Baked Ziti," "Doris' Onion Soup."  Doris and I spent a girl's weekend in Nantucket a few years ago with her sister and a friend of her sister.  We had onion soup at dinner one night, and I mentioned that I had been making Doris's recipe for more than 20 years, and it was a family favorite.  D told me she had gotten the recipe from her sister, who then told us that she had gotten it from the friend who was with us.  I see that recipe, and the others I have been given, as a thread of friendship that stretches through the years and binds us together.  A few of the recipes' creators have died, but each time I pull the worn recipe card from my box, I remember the person who shared it with me, and a little bit of her lives on.

I believe that every religion has a ritual meal or feast of some kind.  Even non-religious holidays, like Thanksgiving, center on a communal meal.  Sharing food, nourishing the spirit as well as the body is so elemental.  I remember reading a story, probably 30 or 40 years ago, about a prisoner of war who received one fatty lump of meat in his ration of rice on Christmas Day.  That one piece of meat gave him hope because it symbolized that, even in the midst of all the cruelty he was experiencing, there was an anonymous someone who recognized his humanity and tried to do something, however small, to alleviate his suffering.

I am thrilled when someone asks to share one of my recipes, but do understand why others prefer not to.  However, I think that because food is so elemental the idea of not sharing a recipe stirs a very strong response from those who disagree.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on November 06, 2007, 06:27:57 PM
Timing is everything in life - I found this thread on the day I was running a copy of the recipe booklet I put together for DD's shower.  It was a compendium of our family's favorite recipes, and one of her friends asked her if she'd share it.

When I was putting the booklet together, I was struck by how many of the recipes came from friends and relatives.  "Linda's Breakfast Casserole," "Dottie's Baked Ziti," "Doris' Onion Soup." 

One of my favorite recipes that came from my mother is called "Darlene's Oatmeal Cookies". Many years ago, I asked my mother who Darlene was. It seems that when my parents were young marrieds with two little children (my older sisters), before they bought a house, they lived in an apartment building. There were 12 apartments. In those days, most of the wives stayed home while their husbands worked. Mom said that the ladies often left their apartment doors open to indicate they were available for coffee or a chat with the other young wives. One of those women was Darlene, who was known for her delicious oatmeal cookies.

I never met Darlene, and my mother doesn't know whatever happened to her after my parents moved away (or perhaps Darlene moved first; I don't know).

Anyway, whenever I give anyone the recipe, I still call it "Darlene's Oatmeal Cookies"  - and it's been around 45 years since my mother and Darlene were neighbors.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on November 06, 2007, 06:32:01 PM
Mammavan and Cathy, those are heartwarming stories!

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: bah12 on November 06, 2007, 06:40:02 PM
No doubt that sharing recipes is something that can bond people, be a forum for remembering friends and family, and bring back countless memories.

I have absolutely nothing against sharing recipes.  I do share some of the ones that I create.  I ALWAYS share a recipe if I got from a source other than my head, because in my mind, I have no right not to share something that has already been made public (unless I was asked not to for some reason.)

However, there are some dishes I create that I want to keep inside my family or dishes that I'm (selfishly) so proud of that I just don't want a friend to take and call their own or make it so often that it is no longer the "special" thing that I make.

The point is not that recipes are sacred and shouldn't be shared.  The point is that no one has the right to demand or expect that just because they request a recipe, they should be given it.  I think the turn down can be in a manner that hopefully doesn't cause the requester to feel slighted.  A simple "I'm sorry, but I prefer to keep this recipe in my immediate family (or not share at all right now), but thank you so much for asking.  I'm happy that you enjoy this dish as much as I do." should suffice.

So, it's not a matter of if a recipe should be shared, it's a matter of expectation.  The ettiquette faux pas in this case is the requested expecting or feeling entitled to something that does not belong to them.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on November 06, 2007, 06:41:43 PM
I just wanted to say, anyone can ask me for any recipe I have. 90% of the time I"ll write it down for you or steer you towards the right cookbook/ website. But there are some recipes I protect. I won't give out my grandads baked beans or my pork ribs recipe.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on November 06, 2007, 06:46:37 PM
Elle's Three Generation Jello Salad:

The night before, make up some red jello in a 9x13 dish. Add 1 can of Queen Anne cherries, reserving the juice. Allow to set overnight.

Take 8oz of cream cheese and allow to come to room temperature. Whip in mixer until it is easy to spread.

Spread cream cheese on the jello and cherries, covering to the edges.

mix up 1 packet of orange jello, using the reserved juice instead of water. Let sit in bowl until it is almost gelled. Pour over the back of a spoon onto the cream cheese (if the jello is warm it will melt the cream cheese)

Add 1 8oz Jar of sliced green Spanish Olives. YOU MUST ADD THE OLIVES.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on November 07, 2007, 12:37:15 AM
Ok, if one more person uses the word Entitled I just may scream.

Not one poster on this thread has said that they are entitled to recipes. What they have said is they would be off-put or even hurt from what we consider to be a snub. We have all said we wouldn't say anything let alone demand anything, but that it would hurt. That is not entitlement. We have the right to our feelings as much as anyone else does and we have tried to explain why we feel that way, but we keep being called entitled.

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on November 07, 2007, 07:41:02 AM
Ok, if one more person uses the word Entitled I just may scream.

Not one poster on this thread has said that they are entitled to recipes. What they have said is they would be off-put or even hurt from what we consider to be a snub. We have all said we wouldn't say anything let alone demand anything, but that it would hurt. That is not entitlement. We have the right to our feelings as much as anyone else does and we have tried to explain why we feel that way, but we keep being called entitled.



Because you (general) keep acting like OUR feelings don't matter and we don't have a right to our feelings and boundries.   And if you ( general) acted this way about anything else it would be considered  entitlemen, yet we keeping hearing "Oh it's food, you're snubbing us", ect. And let's not forget the ever popular "there's no good/valid reason not to share with us"
 Yet if someone said.. " you shared your other possession  with me in x manner now you have to give it to me or else you rude/selfish/ insecure/whatever" that would be entitled. It's not different for recipes.
 Any reason WE give is insulted and called  invalid now you're even saying what word we can use  Yeah, that's entitled.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 07, 2007, 10:03:32 AM
Ok, if one more person uses the word Entitled I just may scream.

Not one poster on this thread has said that they are entitled to recipes. What they have said is they would be off-put or even hurt from what we consider to be a snub. We have all said we wouldn't say anything let alone demand anything, but that it would hurt. That is not entitlement. We have the right to our feelings as much as anyone else does and we have tried to explain why we feel that way, but we keep being called entitled.


Me too.  Good lord.  We're describing feelings and being told that our feelings are beyond reproach.  That's hurtful.

Because you (general) keep acting like OUR feelings don't matter and we don't have a right to our feelings and boundries.   And if you ( general) acted this way about anything else it would be considered  entitlemen, yet we keeping hearing "Oh it's food, you're snubbing us", ect. And let's not forget the ever popular "there's no good/valid reason not to share with us"

When you lump all of us in one category, you're generalizing the sides.  Making this into an argument when it doesn't need to be.  One side can explain how they feel just as easily and rightfully as the other side.  *I* certainly never felt that someone who doesn't want to give out a recipe - that their feelings don't matter or that I was snubbed or that the person was rude - but I described that I felt put off and a little hurt.  Yet now I'm being lumped into the assumption that I'm bitter against that person because I've been hurt when a recipe wasn't shared.  How is that fair, exactly? 

Assumptions and generalizations are not needed in this very honest and open discussion about sharing/not sharing recipes.  We are both welcome to share our feelings on the matter, are we not? 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on November 07, 2007, 10:19:47 AM
Well, there has been stomping of feelings on both sides. When someone presumably reads an entire thread that gives several reasons why people choose not to give recipes, and responds by saying they can't think of a single reason that anyone would not give a recipe (not that they disagree with the reasons, but that there are none), it tells those people that their feelings, and their reasons, are completely irrelevant.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 07, 2007, 10:22:39 AM
Well, there has been stomping of feelings on both sides. When someone presumably reads an entire thread that gives several reasons why people choose not to give recipes, and responds by saying they can't think of a single reason that anyone would not give a recipe (not that they disagree with the reasons, but that there are none), it tells those people that their feelings, and their reasons, are completely irrelevant.

And I resent the implication that anyone who was hurt by not being given a recipe is exactly the same as one particular poster who said something that offended.  Myself and many other posters are being lumped into that category simply for expressing our feelings. 

THAT is not necessary at all.  And is completely counter-productive to understanding and keeping this thread the wonderful thread it is.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on November 07, 2007, 10:25:18 AM
And I resent the implication that anyone who was hurt by not being given a recipe is exactly the same as one particular poster who said something that offended.  Myself and many other posters are being lumped into that category simply for expressing our feelings. 

You shouldn't feel that way. I didn't lump you into that category. Unfortunately, when a person on one side of an argument makes inflammatory statements, it does raise the hackles of those on the other side and they might respond more harshly to anyone on the opposite side, but I think a great deal of this thread has actually been extremely thoughtful and "agree to disagree"-able.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 07, 2007, 10:32:11 AM
So now you're telling me how I should feel?   I DO feel that way.  "Should" doesn't enter into feelings.

Because you (general) keep acting like OUR feelings don't matter and we don't have a right to our feelings and boundries.   And if you ( general) acted this way about anything else it would be considered  entitlemen, yet we keeping hearing "Oh it's food, you're snubbing us", ect. And let's not forget the ever popular "there's no good/valid reason not to share with us"

Statements like this are what I responded to.  "General you" definitely applies to me and other posters saying that we are hurt and describing why we think we feel this way.  The last sentence is all that needed to be addressed - not the good faith efforts of myself and other posters calmly and patiently and THOUGHTFULLY explaining why we might feel the way we do.

I'm willing to accept YOU didn't mean what I'm saying here.  But these generalizations are hurtful and don't need to be applied to all the careful sharing of feelings and thoughts from the emotional food component camp.

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on November 07, 2007, 10:42:23 AM
Does anyone on either side agree with my suggestion that if one is going to ask a favor but will be really hurt if the response is "No", it would be best not to ask?

This is how I protect myself from being hurt.  There are many things I would do for another person that I would not ask them to do for me for that simple reason.  I also tend to give the person an out while in the process of asking a favor. 
"I totally understand if you can't share it, but I would love to have this recipe."
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: magicdomino on November 07, 2007, 10:57:50 AM
Funny, I just remembered that my Great Grandmother would actually physically chase people out of her Kitchen if they dared to enter.  (In Family Folklore it is claimed that she chased them with a Carving knife but I don't actually believe that!)
I would love to know what she would have done if asked to share a recipe!


We were (and still are) chased out of my grandmother's with a wooden spoon. I have continued this tradition in my own home! (sometimes with one of my nice Japanese knives if the mood strikes....

When I remodeled my kitchen, the designer asked if I enjoyed having guests in while I cooked.  I told him that I had been considering replacing the doors with wrought iron security gates. 

As for sharing recipes, I seldom ask as I'm one of those people who don't follow the recipe exactly.  Plus, I have a back-up of recipes that I want to try.  I have no problem with giving out copies of recipes when asked, but all too often, I didn't bother to measure the ingredients.  ("Saute a chopped onion and two or three cloves of garlic.  Throw in some parsley and chicken stock and simmer. . . " "Wait, how much parsley?"  "I don't know, how much do you have?")
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: bah12 on November 07, 2007, 11:02:11 AM
Does anyone on either side agree with my suggestion that if one is going to ask a favor but will be really hurt if the response is "No", it would be best not to ask?

This is how I protect myself from being hurt.  There are many things I would do for another person that I would not ask them to do for me for that simple reason.  I also tend to give the person an out while in the process of asking a favor. 
"I totally understand if you can't share it, but I would love to have this recipe."

I can understand why you wouldn't ask for something if not getting it would hurt your feelings.  It's a legitamate way to protect yourself.

I'm from the opposite sides of the tracks, however.  I believe in taking risks.  If you really want something...in this case, a recipe, I say go ahead and ask for it.  Just be prepared that the answer may be 'no.'  If you want it, and don't ask, then you know you're not going to get it.  If you do ask, then there's a chance that you will...which, to me, is better than no chance at all.

As long as the favor is not unreasonable, I say, ask away.  But, if the person turns you down politely and itsn't demeaning to you, then just try not to project your feelings and make that person responsible for you feeling put off by the turn down.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on November 07, 2007, 11:04:10 AM
I agree with bah12. Asking is fine, just be prepared to accept the answer.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 07, 2007, 11:21:47 AM
The first time it happened to me, it didn't even occur to me that someone wouldn't want to share a recipe.  That's my fault, I guess.  So it was surprise that caught me off guard and made me feel a little hurt about it.  But we're not talking seething anger or deep resentment here.  I dusted myself off and moved on and enjoyed the food and praised the cook again.

I'm sure that's happened to many - not even realizing that some people might not want to share.  I was more prepared in the future for a "no" but it's still so infrequent that I keep on asking anyway!

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on November 07, 2007, 11:32:52 AM
The problem isn't asking or any momentary internal reactions a person might have to a no. The problem is if that person then thinks of the cook differently, which isn't fair.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Prissy on November 07, 2007, 11:57:00 AM
There is only one type of person worse than that... My Aunt (BY MARRIAGE) falls into this... when they give you the WRONG recipe and you spend the $$ and it turns out ugly... and when you follow up -- "oh well I may have left something out..."  ???
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on November 07, 2007, 12:06:01 PM
There is only one type of person worse than that... My Aunt (BY MARRIAGE) falls into this... when they give you the WRONG recipe and you spend the $$ and it turns out ugly... and when you follow up -- "oh well I may have left something out..."  ???

I've done this to people accidentally (CRUD MONKEYS!! I forgot to tell you basalmic vinegar instead of white whine? Bad Elle, no cookie!)
But I know people who leave out 'key ingrediants' (as opposed to the super secret dash of nutmeg) deliberately. THAT seems beyond rude.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: bah12 on November 07, 2007, 12:12:28 PM
I've even had the opposite happen to me.  One of the few times that I actually did give away a recipe, the person called me and accused me of deliberately giving it to her wrong.

I look at the card I gave her and it's all there.  SHE decided on her own that because she didn't have any heavy cream or eggs, that she would substitute whole milk and egg beaters.  Well, dear, there's the problem.  If you aren't a good enough cook to know how to make substitutions, don't do it.  And definitately do not blame ME when YOU mess it up!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 07, 2007, 12:17:37 PM
The problem isn't asking or any momentary internal reactions a person might have to a no. The problem is if that person then thinks of the cook differently, which isn't fair.

I'll think whatever I like of anyone.  It has nothing to do with fair.

This thread has done a lot to give reasons for why someone might say no, which garners understanding.  I don't see how it's unreasonable for the people saying no to try and understand the well-explained ideas of the other side for why they might be hurt.

All etiquette demands is that we handle these situations gracefully.  I hope, however, that both sides try to understand the other on this thread as that helps FACILITATE good etiquette and lessen hurt feelings.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: rashea on November 07, 2007, 12:27:42 PM
The problem isn't asking or any momentary internal reactions a person might have to a no. The problem is if that person then thinks of the cook differently, which isn't fair.

I'll think whatever I like of anyone.  It has nothing to do with fair.

This thread has done a lot to give reasons for why someone might say no, which garners understanding.  I don't see how it's unreasonable for the people saying no to try and understand the well-explained ideas of the other side for why they might be hurt.

All etiquette demands is that we handle these situations gracefully.  I hope, however, that both sides try to understand the other on this thread as that helps FACILITATE good etiquette and lessen hurt feelings.

I can understand someone being hurt. I've tried and failed to understand why they would think less of me, but acknowledge that in their view that is reasonable. I don't even get upset when someone asks why I won't share a recipe. But if you are asking for a favor (and that's what I see this as) then the answer may sometimes be no. The fact that it happens to be a favor around food doesn't mean anything special to me.

You are welcome to think whatever you want. I am welcome to cut off friendships with people who think less of me because I don't give out my intellectual property. Though I do think that as long as thoughts don't translate into actions a friendship would continue. I just don't see how someone thinking less of me wouldn't translate.

I will say, that generic you is pretty common on this board. It isn't intended to be taken personally. It is often impossible to respond to every variation on an opinion, and I don't think anyone has said that everyone who requests recipes should be lumped in with one person who took it to the extreme. And Caranfin wasn't trying to tell you what to feel, they were trying to tell you that they hadn't lumped you in, that's how generic you is used on this board.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on November 07, 2007, 12:40:33 PM
The problem isn't asking or any momentary internal reactions a person might have to a no. The problem is if that person then thinks of the cook differently, which isn't fair.

I'll think whatever I like of anyone.  It has nothing to do with fair.

This thread has done a lot to give reasons for why someone might say no, which garners understanding.  I don't see how it's unreasonable for the people saying no to try and understand the well-explained ideas of the other side for why they might be hurt.

All etiquette demands is that we handle these situations gracefully.  I hope, however, that both sides try to understand the other on this thread as that helps FACILITATE good etiquette and lessen hurt feelings.


 So it's ok for you to feel what you want, but not ok for folks on the other side to feel what they feel?
Alrighty then!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on November 07, 2007, 12:42:37 PM
Wow, this is getting more heated than the National Anthem thread.
That amuses me  :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twilight on November 07, 2007, 01:15:01 PM
I haven't read through all 27 pages so sorry if this has already been covered but in some families who do not have great financial wealth, the passing down of recipes is almost akin to an inheritance.  It is a point of family pride and connection to keep special recipes in the family and freely sharing recipes with people outside the family would be like giving away the family jewels to a stranger.

This is a big thing for Norwegian families.  Both mine and my husband's family are Norwegian and I find the older folk are particularly secretive about their recipes.  In my family the most secretive of recipes is for Krumkake, a sweet cone shaped confection that when made right is as thin as lace and so yummy.  All of the Norwegian ladies competed over their recipes but my grandma made the best!  She had a secret notebook in which she wrote down her special ingredients.  On her deathbed, she refused to give out the recipe over the phone.  She made her children come to her bedside to get the recipe and only gave the book to one child, my dad.  They were all given strict instructions to never share them with anyone outside of their nuclear families.

I'll share any of MY personal recipes you like, but you'll never get the krumkake recipe out of me.  I am not violating the deathbed wishes of my grandma no matter who it upsets.

Edited to add that I have always politely turned down anyone who asked and explained my reasons why.  No one has ever gotten upset at my refusal to share this recipe.  Also they can look up a basic krumkake recipe on the web, they just can't have my family recipe.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on November 07, 2007, 01:20:28 PM
I haven't read through all 27 pages so sorry if this has already been covered but in some families who do not have great financial wealth, the passing down of recipes is almost akin to an inheritance.  It is a point of family pride and connection to keep special recipes in the family and freely sharing recipes with people outside the family would be like giving away the family jewels to a stranger.

This is a big thing for Norwegian families.  Both mine and my husband's family are Norwegian and I find the older folk are particularly secretive about their recipes.  In my family the most secretive of recipes is for Krumkake, a sweet cone shaped confection that when made right is as thin as lace and so yummy.  All of the Norwegian ladies competed over their recipes but my grandma made the best!  She had a secret notebook in which she wrote down her special ingredients.  On her deathbed, she refused to give out the recipe over the phone.  She made her children come to her bedside to get the recipe and only gave the book to one child, my dad.  They were all given strict instructions to never share them with anyone outside of their nuclear families.

I'll share any of MY personal recipes you like, but you'll never get the krumkake recipe out of me.  I am not violating the deathbed wishes of my grandma no matter who it upsets.

My experience as an American of Norwegian descent is that those Norwegian Lutheran ladies can't WAIT to have their recipes publishedin the church cookbook.  ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 07, 2007, 01:26:25 PM
I can understand someone being hurt. I've tried and failed to understand why they would think less of me, but acknowledge that in their view that is reasonable. I don't even get upset when someone asks why I won't share a recipe. But if you are asking for a favor (and that's what I see this as) then the answer may sometimes be no. The fact that it happens to be a favor around food doesn't mean anything special to me.

Neither does it to me.  Nor do I think less of anyone if they say no. But I do have a right to think whatever I like about someone, unless the Thought Police have become a reality.  I don't understand saying "it's not fair" to think what you might think about someone.  It's not fair to TREAT them differently.  But thoughts are free, in my world.

You are welcome to think whatever you want. I am welcome to cut off friendships with people who think less of me because I don't give out my intellectual property. Though I do think that as long as thoughts don't translate into actions a friendship would continue. I just don't see how someone thinking less of me wouldn't translate.

I'm not sure how one would even know that someone would think less of them if they are following all the rules of normal etiquette.  If they treated you differently, of course.  I really don't think this part even enters into what we're talking about though - thinking less of someone.  Meh.

I will say, that generic you is pretty common on this board. It isn't intended to be taken personally. It is often impossible to respond to every variation on an opinion, and I don't think anyone has said that everyone who requests recipes should be lumped in with one person who took it to the extreme. And Caranfin wasn't trying to tell you what to feel, they were trying to tell you that they hadn't lumped you in, that's how generic you is used on this board.

When it's defined as one camp against the other, and someone makes general statements against one camp without defining they are talking about specific posters making specific statements, then it's easy to take things personally and get lumped in with the rest.  What I don't get is why we're talking past each other.

So it's ok for you to feel what you want, but not ok for folks on the other side to feel what they feel?
Alrighty then!


I never said anything of the kind.   ::)  I think it's strange that one side saying they are hurt is being almost ridiculed for having feelings and carefully explaining them.  We've heard from many people about why they say no - I don't see a lot of respect being given to people who are saying they would be hurt and exploring the reasons why.

Yes.  I get that there was disrespect towards the people who say no.  But not from all of the "felt a bit hurt" people.  

Basically, I just want the ugliness and generalizations to stop and for people to actually listen to each other.  I think there are some very thoughtful ideas about the nature of food, communal eating, sharing of food and recipes and what recipes and food means to individual people and the bickering is getting in the way of that.

We all have valuable thoughts and feelings on this matter - I want them all to be heard equally without stress.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twilight on November 07, 2007, 01:36:56 PM
My experience as an American of Norwegian descent is that those Norwegian Lutheran ladies can't WAIT to have their recipes publishedin the church cookbook.  ;D

LOL  ;D So true!!  But one lady will absolutely not give me the recipe for the best Rice Cream (Riskrem) I've ever tasted which she sells at their flea markets.  Of course I understand why she won't share the recipe and don't take it personally.  But she sure seems pleased that I asked.

I've come close to duplicating it from taste, but I never seem to get it just like hers.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 07, 2007, 01:37:48 PM
Rice...Cream?  Is that like Rice Pudding at all? 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 07, 2007, 01:38:09 PM
Yes.  I get that there was disrespect towards the people who say no.  But not from all of the "felt a bit hurt" people.

Basically, I just want the ugliness and generalizations to stop and for people to actually listen to each other.  I think there are some very thoughtful ideas about the nature of food, communal eating, sharing of food and recipes and what recipes and food means to individual people and the bickering is getting in the way of that.

We all have valuable thoughts and feelings on this matter - I want them all to be heard equally without stress.

I think the bolded part is the big problem.  I understand that the non-sharers are on the defensive after the outright attack in the start of the thread, but it does seem to me as if it's being taken out to an extent on the other posters who simply want to share ideas.  It's hard to lower your hackles after being attacked, but it's important not to let one jerk represent an entire group in your head.  A number of people have posted things like "I'm starting to understand many of the reasons that people don't share, and many of them make a lot of sense, even though I hadn't thought of them.  I respect it when people don't want to share recipes, but let me share my view on food and recipe sharing, which differs from yours.  These are the reasons that I might be hurt if someone didn't share a recipe:"  Some of the responses to posts along those lines haven't been too nice, and some people haven't been willing to accept that food means different things to different people.  I'm sure that nobody means to be mean about this, and as I said, after getting so much crap in the start of the thread I understand being on the defensive, but it's still something that we should all be thinking more carefully about before we post.  I feel like I've learned a LOT from this thread, about reasons for not sharing (which will definitely reduce any hurt feelings I would have, now that I'm more aware), and I guess I would feel better if I saw more non-sharers who could post that they understand a lot more about why someone would be hurt by this, based on how they perceive food.  I'm not saying (and I don't think the majority of sharers are saying) that the non-sharers should CHANGE, simply that we hope they'll UNDERSTAND a little better, just as we're learning to understand better how you feel.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: bah12 on November 07, 2007, 01:42:34 PM
I'll admit I haven't read every post on this subject.  Just the first few and last few pages.  

I haven't taken any of the comments from either side to be nasty, bitter, or non-understanding.

The OP posted that her sister's MIL refused to ever share her recipes.  She called this weird and said her MIL was a control freak and maybe that was why.  She also pointed out that she would consider it a compliment to share recipes and wanted to make lamb and greek chicken for her own family.  She then said that this all annoyed her.

Several posters have echoed that they find it annoying or are hurt when someone doesn't give them a recipe they asked for.  Other posters have come back with their own reasons for not wanting to share recipes.  It seems, to me, that just a few posters took all this debate personally.

As for me, I don't get annoyed when someone asks me for a recipe.  At the same time, I don't expect them to get annoyed if I decline to give it to them.  What I did say was that some people...NOT necessarily people on this board...feel like I OWE it to them to share my recipes and act like I am wrong for not wanting to.  What is mine, is mine, and I have every right to share with only those I want to share with, or no one at all if I choose.  

So, it's perfectly ok to ask someone politely to share a recipe, but it is also perfectly ok for that person to politely decline to share it.  Once the request is made and the answer is given, that should be the end of it.  I don't think anyone on this board said that posters on this board didn't respect the other side.  I believe that, at least for me, we are just sharing our own experiences on sharing/not sharing recipes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hijinks on November 07, 2007, 01:42:48 PM
I have a family recipe for BBQ sauce that was passed down to my parents from our nanny, Noi, when we lived in Bangkok (I was born there).  It's very special to us because we don't even have any pictures of her.  The recipe is so special that I gave it to my DH for our 1st anniversary (the "paper" one - he got the BBQ sauce recipe written down on paper :D).  It is most definitely "family only."

Whenever someone asks me for the recipe, I don't mind that they asked; I say no but I always explain why (the above).  If someone chooses to feel offended after I explain my reason for saying no, I'm going to think less of them.  If they want to think less of me for saying no, then that's their prerogative.  I would never expect someone to speak up and say something negative to me after I said "no."  It's a complete sentence, after all.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bob Ducca on November 07, 2007, 01:45:42 PM
Honestly, I'm shocked at how hot-button this issue is...recipes have never mattered to me one way or the other, but I can see the point of the non-sharers more.

To the sharers who feel recipes should always be shared: is there a reason you feel recipes are different from other creative efforts?  Several of the non-sharers have likened a recipe they created to a novel they wrote or a quilt they made.  Can you explain to us what makes the recipe different, in your view?

Also, to the sharers who think less of those who don't share: are you also put off when other requests/favors are turned down?  If you asked your friend, for example, to do something for you and she said she couldn't, would you also think less of her?  Or is this something that only applies to recipes?  If so, why?  What makes a recipe different from another good or service you are requesting a friend give to you?

I think the answers to those would go a long way toward clearing up my own personal confusion. :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: spiffy on November 07, 2007, 01:58:57 PM
I've even had the opposite happen to me.  One of the few times that I actually did give away a recipe, the person called me and accused me of deliberately giving it to her wrong.

I look at the card I gave her and it's all there.  SHE decided on her own that because she didn't have any heavy cream or eggs, that she would substitute whole milk and egg beaters.  Well, dear, there's the problem.  If you aren't a good enough cook to know how to make substitutions, don't do it.  And definitately do not blame ME when YOU mess it up!

Something similar: I usually don't give out recipes because everything is in my head and I add what looks right.  The one time I actually sat down and worked out a recipe for a friend (while I was making it), she completely messed it up. 
It was mashed potatoes.  Seemed simple in concept.  Except she beat/whipped/stirred the potatoes beyond an inch of it's life and it ended up a thick gummy mess (think school glue...only thicker) with a huge pool of butter on top (think volcanic crater of butter).  She brought it to a cookout and proudly proclaimed that she used my recipe!  No one touched it...I felt bad for her.  I guess she didn't know about starches in potatoes...
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: nolechica on November 07, 2007, 02:03:00 PM
Quote
To the sharers who feel recipes should always be shared: is there a reason you feel recipes are different from other creative efforts?  Several of the non-sharers have likened a recipe they created to a novel they wrote or a quilt they made.  Can you explain to us what makes the recipe different, in your view?

For me it's because likely a published version of the recipe exists, so I don't view it as the intellectual property of the cook.  Certain changes might be, but not revealing the base recipe to which they made changes and claiming it as their own seems dishonest.  However, I understand that for some recipes that's not the case.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on November 07, 2007, 02:04:25 PM
I've even had the opposite happen to me.  One of the few times that I actually did give away a recipe, the person called me and accused me of deliberately giving it to her wrong.

I look at the card I gave her and it's all there.  SHE decided on her own that because she didn't have any heavy cream or eggs, that she would substitute whole milk and egg beaters.  Well, dear, there's the problem.  If you aren't a good enough cook to know how to make substitutions, don't do it.  And definitately do not blame ME when YOU mess it up!

Something similar: I usually don't give out recipes because everything is in my head and I add what looks right.  The one time I actually sat down and worked out a recipe for a friend (while I was making it), she completely messed it up. 
It was mashed potatoes.  Seemed simple in concept.  Except she beat/whipped/stirred the potatoes beyond an inch of it's life and it ended up a thick gummy mess (think school glue...only thicker) with a huge pool of butter on top (think volcanic crater of butter).  She brought it to a cookout and proudly proclaimed that she used my recipe!  No one touched it...I felt bad for her.  I guess she didn't know about starches in potatoes...

Add some cream, some parmesan, a little cottage cheese, scallions and chedder cheese on top of the glue then bake. Voila! Bad mashed potatoes becomes potato casserole!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: LB on November 07, 2007, 02:04:57 PM
I've even had the opposite happen to me.  One of the few times that I actually did give away a recipe, the person called me and accused me of deliberately giving it to her wrong.

I look at the card I gave her and it's all there.  SHE decided on her own that because she didn't have any heavy cream or eggs, that she would substitute whole milk and egg beaters.  Well, dear, there's the problem.  If you aren't a good enough cook to know how to make substitutions, don't do it.  And definitately do not blame ME when YOU mess it up!

Wait, whats wrong with egg beaters? I've used them in many recipes that have turned out fine. What do they not work well in?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 07, 2007, 02:05:11 PM
Honestly, I'm shocked at how hot-button this issue is...recipes have never mattered to me one way or the other, but I can see the point of the non-sharers more.

To the sharers who feel recipes should always be shared: is there a reason you feel recipes are different from other creative efforts?  Several of the non-sharers have likened a recipe they created to a novel they wrote or a quilt they made.  Can you explain to us what makes the recipe different, in your view?

I think a lot of this has been covered, to an extent, but I'll give you my views on it.  First of all, most of the posters haven't said that recipes should always be shared, simply that they always share theirs and are confused and sometimes hurt by non sharers.  There really is a difference.  In the first case, the person is indicated that not sharing is WRONG, by saying that recipes SHOULD be shared, and in the second they simply have different viewpoints but respect each others' actions.  If that makes sense...  Now that I'm done being pedantic, I'll address the actual question.  Please keep in mind that this is only my opinion, regarding my work and creations, and I realize it in no way applies (or should apply) to anyone else's work.  Basically, I have no problem sharing in general.  If I create a recipe, and I'm able to share it (as in, I know how much of everything goes in it), I'll share.  If I write a story, and I don't have reason to believe that someone will steal credit for it and try to sell it or something, I'll share it.  If I draw something and someone wants to make a print of it and hang it on their wall, or get it tattooed across their face, by all means.  If I create a knitting pattern and someone loves it and wants to make that particular blanket, they're more than welcome to it.  I still have access to it when I need it, so I don't mind sharing.  That aside, there is a difference between a recipe and a belonging, such as a quilt.  I'm not saying that it's wrong to hold on to your intellectual property, simply that giving away something that you'll still have is different from giving away something that you only have one of, and will no longer have.  I hope that makes a little sense.  Also, in my eyes, a recipe is not an end in itself, like a novel is.  A novel is there for the sole purpose of entertaining/instructing, and it fulfils its purpose simply by being read.  A recipe is simply a guide to a different end, in the way that a pattern would be.  I guess I see it kind of like directions to someone's house.  It's simply instructions on how to get there.  You're not reading it for the ride, you're reading it so that you end up at your friend's house.

Quote
Also, to the sharers who think less of those who don't share: are you also put off when other requests/favors are turned down?  If you asked your friend, for example, to do something for you and she said she couldn't, would you also think less of her?  Or is this something that only applies to recipes?  If so, why?  What makes a recipe different from another good or service you are requesting a friend give to you?
For this one, I think we're still having trouble with the distinction between being dissappointed and thinking less.  Thinking less of someone implies, to me, that your impression of their character has lowered, whereas being dissappointed refers more directly to the particular action which made me sad.  That said, if I asked a favor and was turned down, my disappointment would vary based on how important the favor was to me.  Recipes aren't that high on my list, honestly.  I'd be sad for a few minutes, and get over it.  If the favor was something very important, I'd be more dissappointed.  Unless it was a dear friend of mine who refused to do a teeny tiny minor thing that would make a huuuuuge difference in my life, I wouldn't think less of them.  If it was a teeny tiny minor thing that friend knew was so incredibly important to me, and they refused to do it, I would wonder how important my friendship really was to them.  I'm having trouble thinking of a specific example, but I'm talking things that are more convenience related, not something that they would morally/ethically object to, like recipe sharing.

I hope this made a little sense.  It's only one person's opinion, and feel free to ask me to clarify if something doesn't make sense.  I really would like to see us all get to a point where we understand each other :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bob Ducca on November 07, 2007, 02:10:07 PM
RainhaDoTexugo, thanks for your views.  I've been following the entire thread as it develops, my posts are pretty far back, but what I was missing was the "why" from the pro-sharer crowd.

And, I agree, if the inital feelings toward non-sharers hadn't been so hostile, this probably would have been a fairly short thread.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: bah12 on November 07, 2007, 02:11:57 PM
I've even had the opposite happen to me.  One of the few times that I actually did give away a recipe, the person called me and accused me of deliberately giving it to her wrong.

I look at the card I gave her and it's all there.  SHE decided on her own that because she didn't have any heavy cream or eggs, that she would substitute whole milk and egg beaters.  Well, dear, there's the problem.  If you aren't a good enough cook to know how to make substitutions, don't do it.  And definitately do not blame ME when YOU mess it up!

Wait, whats wrong with egg beaters? I've used them in many recipes that have turned out fine. What do they not work well in?

I think they work fine for most things.  In this case, the eggs were used as a 'fluffing' agent, and the egg beaters, while they do the job to a degree, don't get the same effect as actual eggs.  To get the effect, you would have to proportion differently, which would effect the other ingredients...so you can substitute, but not directly one for one.

The main problem, though, was substituting milk for cream...
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on November 07, 2007, 02:52:10 PM
Quote
To the sharers who feel recipes should always be shared: is there a reason you feel recipes are different from other creative efforts?  Several of the non-sharers have likened a recipe they created to a novel they wrote or a quilt they made.  Can you explain to us what makes the recipe different, in your view?

For me it's because likely a published version of the recipe exists, so I don't view it as the intellectual property of the cook.  Certain changes might be, but not revealing the base recipe to which they made changes and claiming it as their own seems dishonest.  However, I understand that for some recipes that's not the case.

Most of the non-sharers (what terminology) have indicated they will share.  Unless it is a family recipe, a personal creation or there really is no recipe.

When I found out someone has been thinking negative thoughts about me, my feelings are hurt.  To think that someone has negative feelings about me because of a recipe not shared is something I cannot comprehend. 

Like I said, if you want my recipes for my famous pumpkin pie or crescent rolls, you can have them - I got them out of a recipe book/off the can.  They may not turn out the same, because of the difference in equipment, supplies and cooking methods, but they are really good.

If you want the recipe for my chicken casserole or lasagna, sorry - I created my recipes from scratch and will only share them with my daughters.

BTW  my experiments on orange cheesecake are coming along fine.  My SIL compared it to an orange creamsicle (I love him, he eats all my cooking no matter what).  I am going to make some at Thanksgiving for my extended family and have everyone critique it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 07, 2007, 02:54:12 PM
RainhaDoTexugo, you've summed up both EXACTLY what my issues were with the argument going on, and where I personally was coming from with everything.  Right on!



  
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 07, 2007, 02:56:30 PM
Most of the non-sharers (what terminology) have indicated they will share.  Unless it is a family recipe, a personal creation or there really is no recipe.

Sorry, I think I had a hand in creating that terminology.  I really didn't mean anything by it, I simply thought it was the shortest way of distinguishing between the two "camps."  After things got so heated I started to regret my choice of words :-[  I'd be glad to adopt any preferable and agreed upon terms, though!

RainhaDoTexugo, you've summed up both EXACTLY what my issues were with the argument going on, and where I personally was coming from with everything.  Right on!


I'm glad I was able to phrase it in a way that made sense :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: bah12 on November 07, 2007, 02:58:06 PM
RainhaDoTexugo,  I see your point in most of your post; however, I don't think giving a recipe is anything like giving directions to your house.  I don't spend years coming up with the perfect directions to my house.  The directions to my house are not a product of my creativity and hard work.

I think...and this is a HUGE assumption on my part...that maybe the sharers don't see or understand the hard work, years of trial and error, and expense that goes into creating some recipes.  One poster even alluded that she thought that most recipes were already published somewhere.

Yes, the recipe is only the directions to create the dish, but for some recipes, creating those directions is where all the blood, sweat and tears go.

I share my food with friends and family...happily.  That is why I love to cook and love to create new dishes.  Some dishes don't mean that much to me and I'll happily share them.  Some just are slight adaptations of recipes I got from a cook book or another friend.

But some recipes are more.  They mean more to me and I want them to stay in my family.  I will share anything that I didn't create myself.  I will even sometimes share recipes that I did create.

I will always take it as a compliment that someone wants one of my recipes, but I won't always share it.  I respect that not everyone will understand what goes into it, but I want those same people to respect my desire to keep some recipes strictly to myself.  

I do think that sometimes, sharing the end result should be enough.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 07, 2007, 03:01:40 PM
RainhaDoTexugo,  I see your point in most of your post; however, I don't think giving a recipe is anything like giving directions to your house.  I don't spend years coming up with the perfect directions to my house.  The directions to my house are not a product of my creativity and hard work.

I see what you mean.  I couldn't think of a better analogy, so take it loosely :)  Or maybe I should point out that with my sense of direction, telling someone how to get to my house does involve a lot of blood, sweat, and tears ;D

You're right, of course, that you're under no obligation to share, and I do understand a lot of the reasons for not sharing certain recipes.  I just tried to address the questions with my personal view on recipes and other created work, I have no intention of dictated how other people should feel or act.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Miss Unleaded on November 07, 2007, 03:09:12 PM
I can't believe this thread is still going, after 28 pages!  I never knew recipe sharing could be such a volatile subject.

I have a story which I found interesting.  My BF's family are Swedish.  There is a dessert here known as Äggost (egg cheese).  A woman who lived near BF's parents made a delicious äggost, apparently, such that everyone wanted to know the recipe.  She refused to give it out and she did not have any heirs so the secret of beautiful äggost was set to die with her.  BF's father asked her for the recipe after he first sampled some, but she would not give it to him.

The lady was on some medication that made her itch, and this itch happened to develop on a Sunday.  The people living there would not work on Sunday so of course she could not get to see a doctor.  So she came to my BF's father (he was a physician).  And he said the same thing:  he would not work on a Sunday.  However, the itch was so bad and the äggost so good that he allowed himself to be pursuaded to treat her in exchange for her recipe.

The lady in question is dead now, but part of her lives on in that äggost recipe.  I have to say BF's mother certainly does it justice.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on November 07, 2007, 03:11:21 PM
AHA! Another good reason not to share. Someday I may have to swap my baked bean recipe for medical treatment!  ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Miss Unleaded on November 07, 2007, 03:13:24 PM
 ;D  Exactly.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on November 07, 2007, 03:30:55 PM
The problem is that if you (general) think less of someone than you used to then sooner or later that will be apparent simply from how you respond to them if they need a favor or something like that. And that for me would be a deal breaker - if my unwillingness to share something I worked hard on has led to a friend deciding I'm not nice or whatever... well... then I'll think less of them and it would probably ruin a good portion of our friendship.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 07, 2007, 03:35:04 PM
The problem is that if you (general) think less of someone than you used to then sooner or later that will be apparent simply from how you respond to them if they need a favor or something like that.

What an interesting assumption.

(I'm not sure I like this phrase, although I've seen it used here - it feels snarky to me.  So I apologize.  But it IS an assumption and I don't see how it could be true across the board.  Perhaps likely, is all.  And even so - I'm still wondering why it's wrong to have a thought or a feeling about something - you can't control that.  You can only control actions - and it would be wrong to TREAT someone differently after this.  But not to THINK differently about them.  My thoughts are my business.)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on November 07, 2007, 03:48:27 PM
I don't think it's an assumption. If you (general) think less of a person you're not going to want to be as close and available and helpful. Yes it may be minor but it's there and sooner or later it's going to show up. If you consider a person stingy for not sharing recipes, it's human nature to not be as generous in return. Maybe there are a few miraculously amazing people who could prevent their feelings from influencing their actions but I have yet to meet any. Mind you I am not implying that they would be rude, just that their lessened regard would eventually result in a decision that would have been different before the recipe non sharing and the odds are the other person would know that.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Mammavan on November 07, 2007, 03:50:29 PM
Quote
The problem is that if you (general) think less of someone than you used to then sooner or later that will be apparent simply from how you respond to them if they need a favor or something like that.

I have to say I disagree with that statement.  I have maintained relationships with people after an episode that causes me to think less of them simply to maintain the dynamics of groups to which we both belonged.  Several things have happened which convinced me that they have absolutely no clue that my opinion of their character is much lower than it once was.  They consider me a good and close friend.

Can someone explain to me the rationale behind wanting to keep a recipe in a family?  I am not saying I disagree with it; I simply do not understand it and would like to.

And on people's death beds, do their thoughts and those of their loved ones really turn to secret recipes?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: bah12 on November 07, 2007, 04:08:45 PM
I'm going to tread lightly here....

I agree that thinking something and acting on thoughts are not the same.  One's thoughts belong to them.

But...I also see what edenparadox is saying.  From my perspective only, when I something happens that causes me to think less of a person, it is very difficult for me to continue to treat them the EXACT same way as I did before whatever event caused me to think that way.  I may not even realize it...

For example, if I had dinner with my friend Mary and she served me her lasagna...I love it, ask for the recipe, and she tells me that it's a family recipe and I can't have it...

Say I take this personally and think that she is being selfish and petty.  I don't say anything to her and probably for a while everything goes on as normal.  A few weeks later, she brings banana bread to a potluck.  I love it and ask her for the recipe.  Again, she doesn't give it to me.  I have the same negative thoughts.  Then say, I hear that she gave her chicken a la king recipe to another mutual friend.  By now, because I don't understand why she wouldn't share the first two recipes with me, I feel really slighted.

Chances are, by now, I don't think very highly of Mary.  Maybe this little thought of hurt feelings has now blown into full on resentment.  I can't honestly say that I'm going to continue to treat Mary like everything is ok between us when if fact they are not.

I admire anyone who is able to treat everyone the same regardless of their personal thoughts of that person's character.  I wish I had that talent.  I dare say that the majority of us, though, do not have kind of control over our emotions.

It's perfectly fine to think whatever you want as long as you don't act on them.  If you can control your actions that well, then think away.  For me, I can't do that.  What I have to do, is take a step back from the situation and concentrate really hard on understanding the other person's point of view.  I have to consciensely remind myself that those negative thoughts are my problem, not the other person's, and deal with those feelings so that I don't harbor negative thoughts.  For a lot of us, that's not so easy to do.

I didn't take edenparadox's statement to mean that you are not allowed to think what you want, but please try to understand that for so many of us, it is not so easy to "just not act" on feelings of resentment.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 07, 2007, 04:15:31 PM
I don't think it's an assumption. If you (general) think less of a person you're not going to want to be as close and available and helpful. Yes it may be minor but it's there and sooner or later it's going to show up. If you consider a person stingy for not sharing recipes, it's human nature to not be as generous in return. Maybe there are a few miraculously amazing people who could prevent their feelings from influencing their actions but I have yet to meet any. Mind you I am not implying that they would be rude, just that their lessened regard would eventually result in a decision that would have been different before the recipe non sharing and the odds are the other person would know that.

It's absolutely an assumption that thinking a tiny bit less of someone because of something trivial like a recipe is going to translate in not being as close, available or helpful to them.  I don't think anyone here is talking about a deep, harbored resentment over a RECIPE. I know I'm not.

I realize you're trying to say this would be an unconscious thing, but I simply don't agree. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: nolechica on November 07, 2007, 04:18:21 PM
Quote
Most of the non-sharers (what terminology) have indicated they will share.  Unless it is a family recipe, a personal creation or there really is no recipe.

I understand and am completely fine with that.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 07, 2007, 04:37:51 PM
Quote
Most of the non-sharers (what terminology) have indicated they will share.  Unless it is a family recipe, a personal creation or there really is no recipe.

I understand and am completely fine with that.

Me too.  The one time out of three times I can remember being refused I was hurt the most was because no explanation was given.  I realize some people don't take no for an answer, but if someone asks politely, even a white lie that it's a family secret would dissuade most polite people.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on November 07, 2007, 04:40:09 PM
I'm starting to get a little scared to post on this subject as I guess I was the first snarky comment (which was really done in two seconds off of initial impression, had no idea the discontent it was all going to start, sorry).

Many of the non-sharers thoughts about not sharing is that the person will ruin it and not prepare the recipe as well as they do. This would cause me to feel resentful. The non-sharer has then made an assumption about my skills (confirmed or not) that I would find offensive, because in this particular instance it is a snub.





Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on November 07, 2007, 04:49:11 PM
Sorry, I think I had a hand in creating that terminology.  I really didn't mean anything by it, I simply thought it was the shortest way of distinguishing between the two "camps."  After things got so heated I started to regret my choice of words :-[  I'd be glad to adopt any preferable and agreed upon terms, though!

I truly meant no disrespect. :D  In fact I can't think of better terminology.  It's just a little funny, both ha-ha funny and odd funny that we have two camps (the sharers and non-sharers) on an etiquette forum. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 07, 2007, 04:51:45 PM
I didn't think you meant it meanly, but you do have a point that the terminology isn't the best.  Non-sharers does imply (unintentionally on my part) that these people refuse to share, period, whereas in actuality they're simply careful about how they share.  Anyone have any ideas for the people who won't share willy nilly that don't make them sound like tightwads?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: rashea on November 07, 2007, 05:33:25 PM
Many of the non-sharers thoughts about not sharing is that the person will ruin it and not prepare the recipe as well as they do. This would cause me to feel resentful. The non-sharer has then made an assumption about my skills (confirmed or not) that I would find offensive, because in this particular instance it is a snub.

That isn't generally why I don't share a recipe, but I've used this a few times. My sister is great at ruining a recipe. Even if I tell her it must be followed exactly. I've gone so far as to remind her that using cold eggs rather than room temperature eggs will ruin the recipe and still had her use cold eggs. I tend to not pass on recipes to her that I know she can't handle (she gets that she is a lousy cook, which is why she asks for recipes). I generally tell her that the recipe is really complicated and fiddly, but she might really like xxx which is pretty easy. If she persists I might give the recipe, but tell her she is not to blame me when it fails.

I have one recipe that I have probably spent 50 hours and $1500 over the years developing. If someone would like to pay me half of the money I would be willing to share it, but until then I'll point them to something similar online or in a cookbook. Not bad, but not my recipe.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on November 07, 2007, 05:42:28 PM
I didn't think you meant it meanly, but you do have a point that the terminology isn't the best.  Non-sharers does imply (unintentionally on my part) that these people refuse to share, period, whereas in actuality they're simply careful about how they share.  Anyone have any ideas for the people who won't share willy nilly that don't make them sound like tightwads?

What about "selective-sharers"?  It doesn't have quite the same ring to it, though, but I think it conveys that they might share *some* things, but not share the recipe they're creating for a cooking contest/ the recipe for meatballs that's been passed down for 12 generations and isn't leaving the family / can't share because they cook/bake without defined measurements.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on November 07, 2007, 05:57:51 PM
Quote
To the sharers who feel recipes should always be shared: is there a reason you feel recipes are different from other creative efforts?  Several of the non-sharers have likened a recipe they created to a novel they wrote or a quilt they made.  Can you explain to us what makes the recipe different, in your view?

For me it's because likely a published version of the recipe exists, so I don't view it as the intellectual property of the cook. 
If that is true, then the requester could go find it instead of being upset about it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 07, 2007, 05:59:36 PM
I didn't think you meant it meanly, but you do have a point that the terminology isn't the best.  Non-sharers does imply (unintentionally on my part) that these people refuse to share, period, whereas in actuality they're simply careful about how they share.  Anyone have any ideas for the people who won't share willy nilly that don't make them sound like tightwads?

What about "selective-sharers"?  It doesn't have quite the same ring to it, though, but I think it conveys that they might share *some* things, but not share the recipe they're creating for a cooking contest/ the recipe for meatballs that's been passed down for 12 generations and isn't leaving the family / can't share because they cook/bake without defined measurements.

Sounds good to me.  Easy to type, doesn't take half my post to let people know who I'm talking about, and it is a more fair term. :)  We have to agree right now not to shorten it to SS, though :P
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on November 07, 2007, 06:00:38 PM
I didn't think you meant it meanly, but you do have a point that the terminology isn't the best.  Non-sharers does imply (unintentionally on my part) that these people refuse to share, period, whereas in actuality they're simply careful about how they share.  Anyone have any ideas for the people who won't share willy nilly that don't make them sound like tightwads?

What about "selective-sharers"?  It doesn't have quite the same ring to it, though, but I think it conveys that they might share *some* things, but not share the recipe they're creating for a cooking contest/ the recipe for meatballs that's been passed down for 12 generations and isn't leaving the family / can't share because they cook/bake without defined measurements.

Sounds good to me.  Easy to type, doesn't take half my post to let people know who I'm talking about, and it is a more fair term. :)  We have to agree right now not to shorten it to SS, though :P

Yikes!  I agree with you!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 07, 2007, 06:23:19 PM
Can someone explain to me the rationale behind wanting to keep a recipe in a family?  I am not saying I disagree with it; I simply do not understand it and would like to.

Mammavan, with all due respect (and i have enjoyed your responses around the board and DO respect you), why would you need this explained to you?  if a recipe has been handed down within generations of a family, what more do you really need to understand?  surely that is the right of that family to keep a certain recipe within their family?  would you deny them that privilege?  to some people, a recipe is a treasure, to be handed down through the family only.  i wish i knew how to make my grandmother's pie crust.  she had a stroke before she could teach any of us how to make it.  and if i knew her secret, you bet i wouldn't have shared it with anyone but my own child. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 07, 2007, 06:32:26 PM
Many of the non-sharers thoughts about not sharing is that the person will ruin it and not prepare the recipe as well as they do. This would cause me to feel resentful. The non-sharer has then made an assumption about my skills (confirmed or not) that I would find offensive, because in this particular instance it is a snub.

actually Madge, if you read more of the thread, you will see several instances of people who did give out recipes, and then had the recipient call them complaining that the giver had intentionally screwed up the recipe....of course the recipient had substituted egg beaters for whole eggs, milk for heavy cream, and in one instance canned salsa and cooked shrimp for shrimp creole when the recipe called for onions, celery, green peppers, tomatos, and raw shrimp (still shuddering about that one!). 

if the prospective giver KNOWS from past experience that the recipient is gonna screw the recipe up with shortcuts and crazy substitutions, i wouldn't blame them for not giving the recipe, especially when you know the recipient is gonna say "this is "giver's recipe for mango chicken surprise", and it's horrible, whilst giver's mango chicken surprise is simply lucious.  of course giver makes HER mango chicken surprise with fresh mango and an actual chicken while receiver made hers with mango preserves and frozen chicken fingers, and simply cannot figure out why it tastes so nasty.  well obviously, giver must have given her a flawed recipe!  that nasty hag...... >:D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on November 07, 2007, 06:45:19 PM
I'm starting to get a little scared to post on this subject as I guess I was the first snarky comment (which was really done in two seconds off of initial impression, had no idea the discontent it was all going to start, sorry).

Many of the non-sharers thoughts about not sharing is that the person will ruin it and not prepare the recipe as well as they do. This would cause me to feel resentful. The non-sharer has then made an assumption about my skills (confirmed or not) that I would find offensive, because in this particular instance it is a snub.



It's not that I'm worried about someone making a bad meal from my recipe. It's just that when it doesn't taste the way it did when I made it, I catch nine kinds of eHell. I've been accused of sabotage, of maliciousness, and had fights because their recipe did not turn out the same as mine. Very nearly lost a friend because of it. (Nine times out of ten it's because the recipient tried to adjust the recipe). I have a hard enough time making friends that I don't want to have a blow out over a 'sabotaged' recipe.

Can someone explain to me the rationale behind wanting to keep a recipe in a family?  I am not saying I disagree with it; I simply do not understand it and would like to.

Because in a way it's as precious a commodity as a piece of heirloom jewelry.

My secret formula for chili powder is a secret still shared between me and my grandad even though he's passed away. Every time I use it I think of him and the great chili he made. To share the recipe with someone else would be to lose some of it's specialness.
And there is a special pride in putting a dish down and announcing that this is your family's legacy - the most awesome pork spareribs there are.
I guess it's more of a sentiment thing than a rational thing. . . . .
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 07, 2007, 07:07:18 PM
Can someone explain to me the rationale behind wanting to keep a recipe in a family?  I am not saying I disagree with it; I simply do not understand it and would like to.

Because in a way it's as precious a commodity as a piece of heirloom jewelry.

My secret formula for chili powder is a secret still shared between me and my grandad even though he's passed away. Every time I use it I think of him and the great chili he made. To share the recipe with someone else would be to lose some of it's specialness.
And there is a special pride in putting a dish down and announcing that this is your family's legacy - the most awesome pork spareribs there are.
I guess it's more of a sentiment thing than a rational thing. . . . .
psst, Elle, i completely agree with your statement, but none of the above is mine
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Grammy on November 07, 2007, 07:55:06 PM
I've only gotten through page 7 and can't wait till page 30 to add my remarks to this thread. I have never refused anyone a recipe......it's never occurred to me! Nor have I been refused a recipe. I'm not sure how I'd feel about that.

I love to cook and am flattered when someone asks for my recipes. I recently made a chicken dish for a group of friends. All wanted the recipe. Not only did I share it (I had gotten it off a box of rice) but I shared what I had done to make it better.

I don't use expensive ingredients or spend hours trying to perfect a recipe. Most of what I make is good and sometimes I make changes that add to the dish. No big deal. If someone appreciates my efforts and asks for the recipe, I share. No big deal.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 07, 2007, 07:59:36 PM
I've only gotten through page 7 and can't wait till page 30 to add my remarks to this thread. I have never refused anyone a recipe......it's never occurred to me! Nor have I been refused a recipe. I'm not sure how I'd feel about that.

I love to cook and am flattered when someone asks for my recipes. I recently made a chicken dish for a group of friends. All wanted the recipe. Not only did I share it (I had gotten it off a box of rice) but I shared what I had done to make it better.

I don't use expensive ingredients or spend hours trying to perfect a recipe. Most of what I make is good and sometimes I make changes that add to the dish. No big deal. If someone appreciates my efforts and asks for the recipe, I share. No big deal.

and that was very gracious of you Grammy.  i have been asked to share recipes. when i got them from a cookbook, i shared where, or from a box, or from an internet site.  if it's my delicious potato soup, i'll share the method (there isn't a recipe).

you said you haven't read the thread.  we have at least one poster here who develops her own recipes and enters cooking contests.  i would never expect her to share those recipes.  they could earn her money some day.  so i certainly hope you can see the other side.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Grammy on November 07, 2007, 08:11:53 PM
Oh, I'll keep reading. So far I haven't gotten to the point where I can stand behind someone who refuses to share a recipe. But I promise to keep an open mind!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 07, 2007, 08:24:03 PM
Can someone explain to me the rationale behind wanting to keep a recipe in a family?  I am not saying I disagree with it; I simply do not understand it and would like to.

Mammavan, with all due respect (and i have enjoyed your responses around the board and DO respect you), why would you need this explained to you?  if a recipe has been handed down within generations of a family, what more do you really need to understand?  surely that is the right of that family to keep a certain recipe within their family?  would you deny them that privilege?  to some people, a recipe is a treasure, to be handed down through the family only.  i wish i knew how to make my grandmother's pie crust.  she had a stroke before she could teach any of us how to make it.  and if i knew her secret, you bet i wouldn't have shared it with anyone but my own child. 

I think this was a bit uncalled for.  It seems to me as if Mammavan is attempting, in a nonjudgemental way, to increase her understanding on this subject, which was the whole point of this thread in the first place, if I recall correctly.  Of course you're under no obligation to answer, but it's a valid question for someone to ask, if they don't intrinsically understand the reasoning behind this reasoning.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on November 07, 2007, 08:41:29 PM
Quote
you said you haven't read the thread.  we have at least one poster here who develops her own recipes and enters cooking contests.  i would never expect her to share those recipes.  they could earn her money some day.  so i certainly hope you can see the other side.

Nor would the "sharers", are we still using that term?

There's a big difference between,

This is wonderful, I'd love to have the recipe
      - I'm sorry I'm entering this in a cooking contest and can't share, but once it's published you'll be able to get it.
      - I promised my grandmother I would never share it
And

This is wonderful, I'd love to have the recipe.
      - I'm sorry I don't share recipes.

Once again, if there's a really valid reason most people would not have a problem. It's the assuming we can't cook or thinking we'd be tacky enough to use it in the same social circles that is irritating.

I will say, I am starting to understand the family secret thing, I would never practice it because I love it when my friends call and tell me they just made my mother's enchiladas or pork shoulder roast and enjoyed it and thought of us that evening. That just plain makes me happy. But what makes one happy doesn't make everyone.

Quote
It's not that I'm worried about someone making a bad meal from my recipe. It's just that when it doesn't taste the way it did when I made it, I catch nine kinds of eHell. I've been accused of sabotage, of maliciousness, and had fights because their recipe did not turn out the same as mine. Very nearly lost a friend because of it. (Nine times out of ten it's because the recipient tried to adjust the recipe). I have a hard enough time making friends that I don't want to have a blow out over a 'sabotaged' recipe.

Who are these people????? If I followed a recipe and it didn't turn out as well, I would assume I goofed it up and try it again. And I sure as heck would make the disclaimer when I served it that "this is Aunt Amy's recipe, but did NOT turn out as well as when she makes it, hers if fabulous". Actually I make that disclaimer for every borrowed recipe, whether I did it better than the original cook or not, it's just a way of paying respect to the person who gave you the recipe.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Trisha on November 07, 2007, 09:41:53 PM
Can someone explain to me the rationale behind wanting to keep a recipe in a family?  I am not saying I disagree with it; I simply do not understand it and would like to.

And on people's death beds, do their thoughts and those of their loved ones really turn to secret recipes?

Mammavan, in my family we have a "family recipe" for BBQ sauce. We keep it mostly in the family, we don't share it with anyone other than close family friends... and that was only once. We keep it in the family because we use it as gifts and in food. If we gave the recipe out we wouldn't have a "special" sauce.


I'm shocked at how this thread has progressed. I wouldn't have ever thought recipes would be a big deal. I don't think its unreasonable for a person to not want to give up a recipe they've worked hard to perfect. What if a person says "Hey, you take really good pics, come take ours at the wedding." People on this board would be appalled if the photographer said no, and then the bride freaked out. Its not rude to say, "No, I'm sorry I don't give out recipes" We're not talking about someone getting nasty about not wanting to share their secret.

I don't see this as much different, people feel special when they have something everyone likes and wants to enjoy. Think about it, if I made the worlds best pie, why would I want to risk feeling that I'm good at something by giving the recipe to someone else? I don't think its rude to politely ask for a recipe, its not rude to politely decline. A person is NOT entitled to a recipe someone else has just because they WAAAAAAAANT it.

In reality, almost any recipe you can find on google. If you want it so bad, and the person won't share... Make a note of what you KNOW is in it. Then, go home, and google recipe, and the ingredients you know. If you know a name its even easier.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on November 07, 2007, 10:01:13 PM
I just had a feminist thought about this...(just started my second beer, so please excuse me if this is rambling)

Do you think that a lot of this goes back millenniums. There were thousands of years where our ONLY purpose in life was the have children, clean and COOK. So having great food over the next woman was something that made us special?  The phrase a way to a man's heart is through his stomach comes to mind. So maybe those special family recipes are sacred because it actually helps with our ability to breed and carry on the family genes. With all else being equal our great recipes gets us the ring and the children and the competition gets left behind.

Hmm...I've read too much Desmond Morris.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on November 07, 2007, 10:03:43 PM
I just had a feminist thought about this...(just started my second beer, so please excuse me if this is rambling)

Do you think that a lot of this goes back millenniums. There were thousands of years where our ONLY purpose in life was the have children, clean and COOK. So having great food over the next woman was something that made us special?  The phrase a way to a man's heart is through his stomach comes to mind. So maybe those special family recipes are sacred because it actually helps with our ability to breed and carry on the family genes. With all else being equal our great recipes gets us the ring and the children and the competition gets left behind.

Hmm...I've read too much Desmond Morris.
At any rate, it would make a good excuse when asked for a recipe one doesn't want to share.

"I'm sorry, but I for the sake of my progeny I cannot share this"
 ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: artk2002 on November 07, 2007, 11:42:43 PM
There's a big difference between,

This is wonderful, I'd love to have the recipe
      - I'm sorry I'm entering this in a cooking contest and can't share, but once it's published you'll be able to get it.
      - I promised my grandmother I would never share it
And

This is wonderful, I'd love to have the recipe.
      - I'm sorry I don't share recipes.

Once again, if there's a really valid reason most people would not have a problem. It's the assuming we can't cook or thinking we'd be tacky enough to use it in the same social circles that is irritating.


In many other threads, we remind people that "'no' is a complete sentence" and that they aren't required to give reasons or excuses for a refusal.  Why is it required in this case?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 08, 2007, 12:07:18 AM
There's a big difference between,

This is wonderful, I'd love to have the recipe
      - I'm sorry I'm entering this in a cooking contest and can't share, but once it's published you'll be able to get it.
      - I promised my grandmother I would never share it
And

This is wonderful, I'd love to have the recipe.
      - I'm sorry I don't share recipes.

Once again, if there's a really valid reason most people would not have a problem. It's the assuming we can't cook or thinking we'd be tacky enough to use it in the same social circles that is irritating.


In many other threads, we remind people that "'no' is a complete sentence" and that they aren't required to give reasons or excuses for a refusal.  Why is it required in this case?

Not required, but recommended if you don't want to hurt the feelings of the person who asked for the recipe.  This is based on the assumption that the person is someone you like or care about, instead of a pushy jerk.  For pushy jerks, no is definitely a complete sentence, as is "I'm afraid you'll screw up my recipe and blame me." >:D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on November 08, 2007, 12:21:56 AM
Quote
In many other threads, we remind people that "'no' is a complete sentence" and that they aren't required to give reasons or excuses for a refusal.  Why is it required in this case?

No is a complete sentence when you don't care what the other person thinks of you. If you do, you use a reason.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Miss Unleaded on November 08, 2007, 02:51:00 AM
I'm not emotionally invested in this subject.  There are so many published recipes, cooking shows, classes and books about cookery techniques in the world, that for any particular dish I like and want to emulate I'll be able to find a version somewhere and adapt it to my tastes.  I almost never follow a recipe exactly to the letter anyway unless it's critical to do so (Pavlova, for instance).  If I ask someone for a recipe for something, it's almost always because I just want to compliment them, not because I really want the recipe.  If that request was refused without an explanation, I doubt I would ever ask them for a recipe again and I certainly wouldn't press them for it.  I generally don't like giving people more than one opportunity to reject me.   ;)

By the way, for 'selective sharers':  if someone was eating your secret dish and instead of asking for the recipe, said 'This dish is amazing! May I ask what you put in it?' would you tell?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: nolechica on November 08, 2007, 04:42:48 AM
Quote
To the sharers who feel recipes should always be shared: is there a reason you feel recipes are different from other creative efforts?  Several of the non-sharers have likened a recipe they created to a novel they wrote or a quilt they made.  Can you explain to us what makes the recipe different, in your view?

For me it's because likely a published version of the recipe exists, so I don't view it as the intellectual property of the cook. 
If that is true, then the requester could go find it instead of being upset about it.


That's what I do, but I don't get upset when denied.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: KenveeB on November 08, 2007, 06:53:56 AM
By the way, for 'selective sharers':  if someone was eating your secret dish and instead of asking for the recipe, said 'This dish is amazing! May I ask what you put in it?' would you tell?

Well, I wouldn't say "Oh sure, it's two cups of diced apples, a teaspoon of curry...", but I'd definitely say "Apples and a little curry."  I wouldn't name every last ingredient and spice, but I would give the highlights.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: ladiedeathe on November 08, 2007, 07:15:40 AM
I'd have no problem sharing "secret" ingredients or ingredient lists in general.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Just Lori on November 08, 2007, 07:26:18 AM
i wish i knew how to make my grandmother's pie crust.  she had a stroke before she could teach any of us how to make it.  and if i knew her secret, you bet i wouldn't have shared it with anyone but my own child. 

Are you sad that your grandmother's recipe died with her?  Do you wish she had shared it with someone who could share it with you?

I'm having a hard time writing this without sounding snarky, and this is not my intention.  To the selective sharers, I ask this honestly - if you were to meet your untimely demise tomorrow, are you comfortable with your recipe dying with you?  If it is written down somewhere, are you comfortable with your loved ones having access to it? 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Grammy on November 08, 2007, 07:35:33 AM
Just Lori, you make a very good point.

I'm having a hard time not being snarky too. I hear the reasons and am trying to understand. I guess, although I love love love to cook, I just don't take it as serious as some do.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: waterwren on November 08, 2007, 07:37:24 AM

I'm having a hard time writing this without sounding snarky, and this is not my intention.  To the selective sharers, I ask this honestly - if you were to meet your untimely demise tomorrow, are you comfortable with your recipe dying with you?

Yes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: ladiedeathe on November 08, 2007, 08:07:00 AM
Yes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: G'sMom on November 08, 2007, 09:05:20 AM
I'll add a third
"Yes"
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on November 08, 2007, 09:09:31 AM
Lot of life in this thread. Lot of different opinions. FWIW, here is the citation I mentioned upthread.

Secret Recipes

Dear Miss Manners:
What is a polite way to decline giving away a recipe to a friend or even a relative? I have worked awfully hard, and searched high and low, to learn the few recipes I have.  There are ten years' worth, and I am proud of them.  It has never failed that when I have had guests over for a meal, they have repeatedly complimented me on my dishes. I'm sorry to say that I am not as pleased about their compliments as I should be, because what always follows is the dreaded question "Can I have your recipe?"

My main reason for declining is that then I would run out of recipes I could comfortably cook for them. My dishes would become everyday to them and no longer special.  The situation has gotten so bad that I am very reluctant to invite guests home for a meal or even pot luck.  I would very much like to get back into the mainstream of family and social gatherings without that dread.  If only I knew how to decline in a friendly manner, so as not to offend.

Gentle Reader:
It's a good thing for you that Miss Manners' concern is etiquette.  That way, she is not tempted -- or at least is able to resist the temptation--to explore the values of someone who believes that her social worth is connected with the originality of her recipes, and allows fear of forfeiting that to come between her and her relatives and friends.  Were Miss Manners to stray from her mandate, she would take you severely to task, forcing you to understand that human relationships are based on something deeper than menus.

She will now do her proper job. The way to refuse to give out a recipe is to say, pleasantly, "Oh no, that's a secret. I want you to keep coming back here for that." Please do this with a merry twinkle that conveys the idea that you do not truly accuse these people of trying to "steal" your recipes. Miss Manners hopes that if you do this often enough, you will come to believe it.

--from Miss Manners Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millenium, by Judith Martin. pp. 485-486
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Cz. Burrito on November 08, 2007, 09:26:33 AM
Lot of life in this thread. Lot of different opinions. FWIW, here is the citation I mentioned upthread.

Secret Recipes

Dear Miss Manners:
What is a polite way to decline giving away a recipe to a friend or even a relative? I have worked awfully hard, and searched high and low, to learn the few recipes I have.  There are ten years' worth, and I am proud of them.  It has never failed that when I have had guests over for a meal, they have repeatedly complimented me on my dishes. I'm sorry to say that I am not as pleased about their compliments as I should be, because what always follows is the dreaded question "Can I have your recipe?"

My main reason for declining is that then I would run out of recipes I could comfortably cook for them. My dishes would become everyday to them and no longer special.  The situation has gotten so bad that I am very reluctant to invite guests home for a meal or even pot luck.  I would very much like to get back into the mainstream of family and social gatherings without that dread.  If only I knew how to decline in a friendly manner, so as not to offend.

Gentle Reader:
It's a good thing for you that Miss Manners' concern is etiquette.  That way, she is not tempted -- or at least is able to resist the temptation--to explore the values of someone who believes that her social worth is connected with the originality of her recipes, and allows fear of forfeiting that to come between her and her relatives and friends.  Were Miss Manners to stray from her mandate, she would take you severely to task, forcing you to understand that human relationships are based on something deeper than menus.

She will now do her proper job. The way to refuse to give out a recipe is to say, pleasantly, "Oh no, that's a secret. I want you to keep coming back here for that." Please do this with a merry twinkle that conveys the idea that you do not truly accuse these people of trying to "steal" your recipes. Miss Manners hopes that if you do this often enough, you will come to believe it.

--from Miss Manners Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millenium, by Judith Martin. pp. 485-486

I thought that was an extremely rude response from Miss Manners.  Sometimes I think she has a newspaper column just so that she can publicly insult people all day long.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: LB on November 08, 2007, 09:28:37 AM
I'm usually a fan of Miss Manners. But, really, how polite is it to say, "My only concern in this situation is the etiquette, so I won't tell you that I hold this judgement of your values..." and then still do it while proclaiming she is not?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Grammy on November 08, 2007, 09:29:34 AM
Gentle Reader:
It's a good thing for you that Miss Manners' concern is etiquette.  That way, she is not tempted -- or at least is able to resist the temptation--to explore the values of someone who believes that her social worth is connected with the originality of her recipes, and allows fear of forfeiting that to come between her and her relatives and friends.  Were Miss Manners to stray from her mandate, she would take you severely to task, forcing you to understand that human relationships are based on something deeper than menus.


Thank you, Miss Manners, for articulating my thoughts on the subject.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: AprilRenee on November 08, 2007, 09:30:19 AM
I'm usually a fan of Miss Manners. But, really, how polite is it to say, "My only concern in this situation is the etiquette, so I won't tell you that I hold this judgement of your values..."

And seriously, I hate it when people say "I'm not going to talk about how I think  you" And then go and say it anyway. Very passive aggressive.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Cz. Burrito on November 08, 2007, 09:36:38 AM
And seriously, I hate it when people say "I'm not going to talk about how I think  you" And then go and say it anyway. Very passive aggressive.

"You know, if I were a lesser person, I would comment on how beneath me you are, but of course, I am too proper for that."   ::)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: katarain on November 08, 2007, 09:38:05 AM
Rude AND condescending, especially this line:  "forcing you to understand that human relationships are based on something deeper than menus."   ::)

Alternatively, the writer's reason for not wanting to share recipes could have been stronger, as the reasons outlined in this thread have been. 
Quote
My main reason for declining is that then I would run out of recipes I could comfortably cook for them. My dishes would become everyday to them and no longer special.
  Certainly this is a valid reason, but perhaps other reasons would have more compelling for Ms. Martin.

Regardless, it is a rude response, and proves that even Ms. Manners slips up occasionally.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on November 08, 2007, 09:43:42 AM
I've noticed over the years that Miss Manners resents being asked how to cover pettiness with etiquette. I'm guessing, but I think that was her intention by exposing what she obviously regards as the essential stinginess of the letter writer.

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: ladiedeathe on November 08, 2007, 09:45:20 AM
(Sorry this is long- this thread is getting to me. The Miss Manners comment was terrible.)

Grammy,

For me, a very selective sharer, you have hit the point exactly, by accident. You love to cook but you are not as serious about it as some people (probably including me). If you really love to cook, and you are pretty ok at it, you would have no problem making 2/3 of my personal recipes. The other third would cause you to tear your hair.

The recipe I am working on right now, this evening, is for Pate de Canard en croute (boned stuffed duck in pastry) with orange blossom honey. I am using duck magret. It will be stuffed with a pate of veal, chestnut, and black truffle (in season right now, and my main reason for trying this one). You can find similar recipes all over the net, but few without pork.

Assuming I get something edible, I am planning on serving it during the holidays. Someone may ask for the recipe.

Should I give it to them knowing that they do not have the ability to get the ingredients, or the right dishes and tools to actually make and cook the dish, or the experience to know how to avoid ruining it? Do you know how depressing it will be when someone turns around and makes "Chicken stuffed with hamburger and mushrooms, wrapped in cresent roll dough and served with SueBee honey" (yes, exaggerated, but not by much)? And then cries because they wasted so much, and it was for an important evening, and they didn't realize it wouldn't even taste similar because they don't do serious cooking?

Yes, I CAN give out recipes to show off my mad cooking skillz, but what good would it do- the other person cannot make the food!

The closest parallel I can think of is a master quilter with 40 years experience and the ability to to do a bazillion stitches an inch. She knows her patterns, her materials, her quilting frame and hoops. She knows  about thread strengths, and needle diameters. She creates an intricate quilt pattern through trial and error, based on years of experience. She has a variety of razor knives, scalpels, and craft blades, and a top of the line pair of fabric shears to cut the cloth. She uses sumptuous fabrics which cost hundreds of dollars a yard, threads which are hand dyed for her use, and a frame which she has years of experience with. A novice quilter sees the finished quilt and asks for the pattern.

The older quilter gives it. The novice can't afford the materials, so she uses cottens and nylon thread. She doesn't have a big frame yet, so she has to keep moving the quilt, and she isn't as familiar, so the tension on the fabric keeps changing. She can only sew 1/2 bazillion stitches to the inch, and sometimes the size changes a little. She follows the pattern as exactly as possible, but she only has basic shape guides and so some of the pieces are cut freehand with paper scissors, based on ruler markings drawn on.

The finished quilt looks like a parody of the first one. The novice is furious that she wasted the time, and convinced that the older quilter left things out.

Does this make sense?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bob Ducca on November 08, 2007, 09:47:57 AM
You notice, though, Miss Manners in no way suggested that it is rude not to share recipes.  She stated that the letter-writers reasons for not sharing were petty, but didn't even imply that refusing to share recipes was rude.

I agree that if the question had been a more straightforward, "How does one politely refuse to share a recipe if one is not comfortable doing so?" probably would have elicited a less judgemental response.

I've been reading a lot of Miss Manners lately, and when letter writers provide a lot of "extra" or "background" information, she feels free to call them on it...read through her responses to people who are trying to tell guests that they only want cash, for example.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: LB on November 08, 2007, 09:48:50 AM
I've noticed over the years that Miss Manners resents being asked how to cover pettiness with etiquette. I'm guessing, but I think that was her intention by exposing what she obviously regards as the essential stinginess of the letter writer.

Maybe so.

Personally, I think she should choose not to answer letters she sees as petty if she cannot do it without being rude.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: AprilRenee on November 08, 2007, 09:49:20 AM
I've noticed over the years that Miss Manners resents being asked how to cover pettiness with etiquette. I'm guessing, but I think that was her intention by exposing what she obviously regards as the essential stinginess of the letter writer.



That very well may be, but I think it backfired, because IMO it made her look petty, passive aggressive and rude.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Cz. Burrito on November 08, 2007, 09:50:17 AM
I've noticed over the years that Miss Manners resents being asked how to cover pettiness with etiquette. I'm guessing, but I think that was her intention by exposing what she obviously regards as the essential stinginess of the letter writer.

Maybe it depends on your personal view of recipe sharing, but I don't see it as petty to want to keep special recipes to yourself.  I'm not going to be the one to judge whether or not the letter writer's reasons are up to snuff, and I think it's rude of Miss Manners to presume that she knows best.  Sharing/not sharing the fruits of your labor falls outside of the realm of etiquette.  Sure, it would be very nice of you to share your recipe, but you are not obligated to and it doens't make you a bad person to want recipes of your own any more than it makes the requester a bad person to want the recipe in question.  Etiquette comes into play with the handling of the situation, which was all the letter writer was asking about.  She doesn't want to share her recipe, but she also doesn't want the requester to feel bad.  Miss Manners was not helpful in the slightest.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Grammy on November 08, 2007, 09:53:55 AM
Ladiedeathe, it does make sense but I fail to understand why it's your problem if others can't duplicate your very ambitious dishes. I'd be willing to guess that, one look at your multi-page recipe and instructions would intimidate most into not even trying. And so what if they do and it doesn't turn out? You think they'll keep tossing the mistakes in the trash until they get it right? Or are you afraid they'll get it perfect the first time?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: katarain on November 08, 2007, 09:56:42 AM
Other people have already answered that concern with examples of how someone tried to make the recipe and blamed the recipe-giver/creator, rather than their poor skills and substitutions.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on November 08, 2007, 09:57:35 AM
I think Ms Manners really failed at having manners in that one. Wanting something that you do to remain special is not wrong or petty. And schooling someone in that high handed fashion was just obnoxious of her.

To answer some previous questions:

I have a lot of recipes written down and some taught to DF. If I die and they die with me... oh well.

If asked for ingredients... I may give you some of them but not all. I know I can replicate things just by ingredients and adjusting them in size. If it's a secret recipe I really have no interest in someone else doing the same to it. I would probably say something like, "Oh well it has chorizo and peppers and some other stuff. You know I pretty much throw stuff in randomly."
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bob Ducca on November 08, 2007, 09:58:19 AM
Ladiedeathe, it does make sense but I fail to understand why it's your problem if others can't duplicate your very ambitious dishes. I'd be willing to guess that, one look at your multi-page recipe and instructions would intimidate most into not even trying. And so what if they do and it doesn't turn out? You think they'll keep tossing the mistakes in the trash until they get it right? Or are you afraid they'll get it perfect the first time?

Several posters upthread have mentioned being blamed, publicly, when their complicated recipes were poorly replicated by others.  What if someone tries it for the first time at a dinner party, and the meal is announced as "Ladiedeathe's Special Duck with Truffles" and out comes this monstrosity?  Ladiedeathe would find that troublesome and insulting, and I agree with her on that score- it is like someone taking my play, re-writing all of the dialogue, and then presenting it as my play.

I'm afraid I misunderstood your last suggestion, Ladiedeathe in no way has stated or implied that she begrudges anyone else their ability to cook complicated dishes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Grammy on November 08, 2007, 10:06:09 AM
She said that 1/3 of her recipes would have me tearing my hair out.

My thought on being publicly blamed for misinformation concerning a recipe is that anyone who has eaten any of "general your" fantastic dishes would know that there is no way in the world that the failed recipe is "yours". I would think "you" would have a reputation as a wonderful cook and would never serve an inferior dish.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MDefarge on November 08, 2007, 10:12:16 AM
She said that 1/3 of her recipes would have me tearing my hair out.

I think that was more a *general* you, then a specific "you."
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: ladiedeathe on November 08, 2007, 10:15:54 AM
I'd be pleased as punch if they could cook whatever it was. I'm also always pleased to help someone learn how to cook- anyone and everyone around me knows I'll always make time, if they buy the stuff and bring it over, to show them how to cook whatever they want.

Please read my annoyingly long posts upthread for my overall reasons for not giving out recipes- I mentioned them in detail, and they explain why it is my problem. :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on November 08, 2007, 10:22:14 AM
The problem, as I see it, is that there are some assumptions of socialness and special food.  I'll bet, and for me at least this is true, that those of us who create recipes do so because of the challenge and the result, not because we will now get to share our recipe at a social occasion or enter it in a contest.  Sharing recipes, creating a cookbook or entering recipes in a contest are bonuses of cooking.

For example, my orange cheesecake, I am creating the recipe because I have never had one I liked a lot.  I love oranges, it is also one of my favorite flavorings.  I am a cheesecake fanatic.  Creating the recipe is a personal quest to fulfill a personal need.  

Having someone ask for the recipe after years and tons of money invested is like someone taking a helicopter to the top of Mt. McKinley, after I had to trek and climb to the top.  We can both say we have been to the top, but only one of us actually did the work.  Is the result the same?  I mean we get to the same place, but...

Anyway, as I said, I am a sometimes-sharer and a sometimes-only-with-my-daughters-sharer.

Would I be fine if my recipes died with me?  Sure, my special snowflakeness only goes so far.  And I know there are millions of people who have better recipes, better techniques and end up with a wonderful tasting dish.  So my chicken casserole isn't made anymore?  It wasn't made before I invented it, no biggie.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: LB on November 08, 2007, 10:25:42 AM
For example, my orange cheesecake, I am creating the recipe because I have never had one I liked a lot.  I love oranges, it is also one of my favorite flavorings.  I am a cheesecake fanatic.  Creating the recipe is a personal quest to fulfill a personal need.  

OT, but skbenny, I'd be more than happy to help you test how that recipe is getting along if you brought a sample to our lunch next Saturday.  ;)

(Really...I'm only kidding)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on November 08, 2007, 10:26:58 AM
She said that 1/3 of her recipes would have me tearing my hair out.

My thought on being publicly blamed for misinformation concerning a recipe is that anyone who has eaten any of "general your" fantastic dishes would know that there is no way in the world that the failed recipe is "yours". I would think "you" would have a reputation as a wonderful cook and would never serve an inferior dish.

Agreed.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: jimithing on November 08, 2007, 10:27:21 AM
For example, my orange cheesecake, I am creating the recipe because I have never had one I liked a lot.  I love oranges, it is also one of my favorite flavorings.  I am a cheesecake fanatic.  Creating the recipe is a personal quest to fulfill a personal need.  

OT, but skbenny, I'd be more than happy to help you test how that recipe is getting along if you brought a sample to our lunch next Saturday.  ;)

(Really...I'm only kidding)

Me too!  I love me some cheesecake!  ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on November 08, 2007, 10:28:22 AM
skbenny hit my motivations on the nose. I play with food cause it's fun and I enjoy working hard at it to get something special. It's not for Aunt Molly or Friend Laura or Schoolmate Jean. It's for me. Sometimes it's for DF because I'm trying to sneak stuff past his pickiness. But I have no interest in giving someone the end result of a ton of work I put a lot of myself into. Maybe I'll write a cookbook someday and maybe I won't but I'll definitely teach it all to my future kids and grandkids and it will be something special I can pass down.

She said that 1/3 of her recipes would have me tearing my hair out.

My thought on being publicly blamed for misinformation concerning a recipe is that anyone who has eaten any of "general your" fantastic dishes would know that there is no way in the world that the failed recipe is "yours". I would think "you" would have a reputation as a wonderful cook and would never serve an inferior dish.

Agreed.

Great. And if they don't know you? A PP posted that someone made a dish for her husband and then the husband passed on the message that the PP's dish sucked. Obviously that's a problem.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on November 08, 2007, 10:34:03 AM
For example, my orange cheesecake, I am creating the recipe because I have never had one I liked a lot.  I love oranges, it is also one of my favorite flavorings.  I am a cheesecake fanatic.  Creating the recipe is a personal quest to fulfill a personal need.  

OT, but skbenny, I'd be more than happy to help you test how that recipe is getting along if you brought a sample to our lunch next Saturday.  ;)

(Really...I'm only kidding)

Me too!  I love me some cheesecake!  ;)

Ohh, taste testers (I was going to say guinea pigs, but it sounded really rude).
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Grammy on November 08, 2007, 10:34:46 AM
If they don't know "general you" then what difference does it make to "you"? Why would "you" care if a stranger doesn't like a dish that someone else made? "This is eden's recipe." "Who is eden?"
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: LB on November 08, 2007, 10:37:02 AM
For example, my orange cheesecake, I am creating the recipe because I have never had one I liked a lot.  I love oranges, it is also one of my favorite flavorings.  I am a cheesecake fanatic.  Creating the recipe is a personal quest to fulfill a personal need.  

OT, but skbenny, I'd be more than happy to help you test how that recipe is getting along if you brought a sample to our lunch next Saturday.  ;)

(Really...I'm only kidding)

Me too!  I love me some cheesecake!  ;)

Ohh, taste testers (I was going to say guinea pigs, but it sounded really rude).

I would let you call me a guinea pig for the price of cheesecake!
My mom calls my dad her guinea pig when she's trying new recipes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MDefarge on November 08, 2007, 10:37:53 AM
If they don't know "general you" then what difference does it make to "you"? Why would "you" care if a stranger doesn't like a dish that someone else made? "This is eden's recipe." "Who is eden?"

Grammy - I'm not sure if this comment was directed at me, but I thought you were saying you were insulted by the comment that "1/3 of my recipes would have you tearing your hair out", I didn't realize you were referring to the other part of the comment.  Sorry for any confusion.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: katarain on November 08, 2007, 10:38:02 AM
This is getting ridiculous.

If you haven't read the entire thread, please do so before commenting.  The amount of repetition is getting really tiresome for me, and probably others who have been following this thread.  Most of these concerns and questions have been answered and responded to ad nauseum.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on November 08, 2007, 10:42:11 AM
If they don't know "general you" then what difference does it make to "you"? Why would "you" care if a stranger doesn't like a dish that someone else made? "This is eden's recipe." "Who is eden?"

Cause it's a matter of principle. Plus the odds are that they do know you but in a general way and don't know that you would never screw up your own special recipe that way and then they think that you're a crap cook. That would annoy me. But this isn't my reason for not giving stuff out anyway so all I can do is theorize.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Grammy on November 08, 2007, 10:47:03 AM
Well, I guess I'd better cut bait here. I am apparently becoming a nuisance. I will continue to share recipes and will try not to feel hurt if a friend says no if I ask for one.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MadMadge43 on November 08, 2007, 11:04:24 AM
Quote
Well, I guess I'd better cut bait here. I am apparently becoming a nuisance. I will continue to share recipes and will try not to feel hurt if a friend says no if I ask for one.

Granny,  I think I'm going with you. It's like beating your head against the wall.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Flora Louise on November 08, 2007, 11:08:32 AM
I'll bring up the rear of your line to the exit.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Evil Duckie on November 08, 2007, 11:29:37 AM
Many here are fabulous chefs. I will admit that I am a okay cook definitely not in their league. I do have some recipes that I will not easily share as well.

Most of the recipes I have that I don't easily share came up from having to create dishes because of a serious food allergy in the family.  I had to change many of my recipes making them safe for him while keeping the dish very similar to the beloved old one. Many of these dishes have taken years to to get right.

While I hate it when someone takes a recipe and makes changes and then blames me in front of everyone when it fails.

It can be life threatening if they take the recipe make changes, then announcing that it was my exact recipe to everyone, and it then after it caused an allergic reaction later admit to making one or two minor changes. I have had this happen and the trips to the ER are no fun. Yes, the person knew of the allergy but didn't think that the changes would matter because they were using my recipe so it was "safe".
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on November 08, 2007, 11:42:59 AM
I never saw an answer to my earlier question.

For those of you that feel hurt/upset or any other unpleasant emotion if someone will not share a recipe:

Have you ever spent years and significant $ creating and perfecting a recipe?
Do you own any secret family recipes that were passed down for generations?
Do you have any recipes that other consider your signature dish?

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: bah12 on November 08, 2007, 11:52:08 AM
I don't think that many of us "selective sharers" have said that the ONLY reason we don't share CERTAIN recipes is because we think that our friends and family can't dupicate it what our mad cooking skills can do.

I am one of the people that expressed frustration with a friend who blamed me when a recipe I gave her didn't turn out, but that is a recipe I do give away.  I continue to give it away and it has nothing to do with how complicated it is.

I do think that some of the recipes are difficult knowing some of my friends cooking skills; however, if it is not that special to me, I'll still give it to them.

One of the recipes I will NEVER share is one that I started working on when DH and I became engaged.  It's a dish that mixes all his favorite flavors and textures and it took me 2 and half years and over $2000 to perfect.  I made it for him on our first anniversary.  That recipe is special to us beyond words.  It is written down and he has it.  Our children will get it and their children will get it.  It is our family recipe and while I have made the dish for friends, I will not give them the recipe.

I understand what the 'sharers' are saying with them not thinking recipes are a big deal and feeling hurt if a 'selective sharer' chooses not to give out a recipe.

What I don't understand is why this is different than anything else someone owns?  Why do some of the (general) you think that a recipe cannot and does not hold the same value as anything else I might own?  If you like my personal family portraits, would you expect me to give copies of them to you?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 08, 2007, 12:01:50 PM
I never saw an answer to my earlier question.

For those of you that feel hurt/upset or any other unpleasant emotion if someone will not share a recipe:

Have you ever spent years and significant $ creating and perfecting a recipe?
Do you own any secret family recipes that were passed down for generations?
Do you have any recipes that other consider your signature dish?





While those questions relate to the answers being given as to WHY someone might not give out a recipe, which many of us understand quite well, even if we don't agree, they have NOTHING to do with the emotional reaction of being told no.  Especially before hearing any of these reasons.

And again, I'm not one of those "sharers" that thinks recipes are "no big deal so why don't you share it."  I'm not incapable of understanding a special recipe or a recipe within a family, etc.  That doesn't negate that I'm going to be honest and say that I was hurt several times at being turned down - the most was when I was told no with no attempt at an explanation or nice-ity.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: rashea on November 08, 2007, 12:07:35 PM
Well, I guess I'd better cut bait here. I am apparently becoming a nuisance. I will continue to share recipes and will try not to feel hurt if a friend says no if I ask for one.

I don't find you, or anyone else a nuisance. I choose not to share certain recipes. It sounds like you can accept that. I have no intention of hurting anyone's feelings when I choose not to share, but I can accept that they may feel a flash of hurt. If that means that our friendship drifts apart then I would question how close the friendship was to begin with.

I'll be a little blunt and tell you that on long threads it can be hard for people following it when someone jumps in with something that came up 20 pages ago. It gets repetitive, and can put people on the defensive. (I'm really not intending this as a put down or to be snarky, I can't seem to get the tone to sound right in type).
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: katarain on November 08, 2007, 12:09:19 PM
maryb, I am going to assume that your friends don't want to hurt you, which, as you indicated, happens even when they do give you an explanation or nicety.  So, given that they also don't want to share some recipes, for reasons you stated you can understand, what would you have them do?  Is it truly a no win situation? If they say no, you get hurt, and if they say yes, they're doing something they're uncomfortable with.  I don't like the solution of you simply not asking at all, so really, what are they supposed to do to avoid hurting you?  What is the perfect response, for you, at least?

Edited to fix punctuation.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: bah12 on November 08, 2007, 12:11:42 PM
But Maryb, your need for an explanation as to why you can't have a recipe does mean that, on at least some level, you expect to be given recipes because they don't hold the same value as other property.

I'm pretty sure that you don't go to your friends' homes and ask for their photo albums, patterns to any quilts they made, or the suveniers they have from their trip to Europe.  Even if, for some odd reason, you did ask for these things, if the owner said "sorry, no" would they have to eplain why?  Is the fact that it belongs to them and not you reason enough not to give it to you or does the fact that you want it mean that the owner has to explain to you why they want to keep what is theirs?  If you don't expect if for these, then please explain to me why it is different for recipes.

I get that our culture is to share food and recipes, but some recipes are special.  They do belong to the cook.  Why do I have to go into how many long and frustrating years and how much money I spent coming up with a recipe.  Why I can't I just say, "thank you for asking, but I prefer to keep this one to myself."  Why do I owe you any more than that?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 08, 2007, 12:23:36 PM
maryb, I am going to assume that your friends don't want to hurt you, which, as you indicated, happens even when they do give you an explanation or nicety.  So, given that they also don't want to share some recipes, for reasons you stated you can understand, what would you have them do?  Is it truly a no win situation? If they say no, you get hurt, and if they say yes, they're doing something they're uncomfortable with.  I don't like the solution of you simply not asking at all, so really, what are they supposed to do to avoid hurting you?  What is the perfect response, for you, at least?

Edited to fix punctuation.

I would prefer that people respond politely, even if it's a white lie, "Oh, I'm sorry, I can't give that one out!  It's Aunt Bertie's recipe!"  Or, "I'm sorry, I can't give that one to you, it's a personal triumph of mine that I worked really hard on and I already have it slated in my mind to be a family recipe-pass-down."

Whatever.  Just SOMETHING instead of hemming and hawing and not giving a reason, promising to give the recipe and then avoiding the subject, or simply stating, "No, I'm not giving that one to you."

It sounds like most people do that. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: katarain on November 08, 2007, 12:27:52 PM
Would your suggested responses still hurt your feelings, though?  I was under the impression that any refusal would.

I think many of the people on this thread would give those sorts of responses when asked to share a recipe they're unwilling to.  I agree that a simple "No." would be offputting, and ya know, I think it'd upset me, too.  I'm not a pariah, so I would think people could courteously turn me down.  But I wouldn't think less of them for refusing to share.  Perhaps I would for their method of delivery, depending on how curt it was.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 08, 2007, 12:45:31 PM
Would your suggested responses still hurt your feelings, though?  I was under the impression that any refusal would.

I think many of the people on this thread would give those sorts of responses when asked to share a recipe they're unwilling to.  I agree that a simple "No." would be offputting, and ya know, I think it'd upset me, too.  I'm not a pariah, so I would think people could courteously turn me down.  But I wouldn't think less of them for refusing to share.  Perhaps I would for their method of delivery, depending on how curt it was.

It's still a slight sting, yes, but when backed up with an answer, yes, I take that no quite easily and get over my disappointment.

I still can't help but feel it's a little odd not to share, but that's only because in my sphere of experience, that doesn't happen.  But whatever, we're all snowflakes and the reasons in this thread are well-supported and presented, even if I don't agree with all of them.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: katarain on November 08, 2007, 12:58:24 PM
Would your suggested responses still hurt your feelings, though?  I was under the impression that any refusal would.

I think many of the people on this thread would give those sorts of responses when asked to share a recipe they're unwilling to.  I agree that a simple "No." would be offputting, and ya know, I think it'd upset me, too.  I'm not a pariah, so I would think people could courteously turn me down.  But I wouldn't think less of them for refusing to share.  Perhaps I would for their method of delivery, depending on how curt it was.

It's still a slight sting, yes, but when backed up with an answer, yes, I take that no quite easily and get over my disappointment.

I still can't help but feel it's a little odd not to share, but that's only because in my sphere of experience, that doesn't happen.  But whatever, we're all snowflakes and the reasons in this thread are well-supported and presented, even if I don't agree with all of them.

Well, that seems reasonable.  I think that's what it comes down to.  We're all not going to agree, but it's good to accept that others have reasons to feel the way that they do, even when we don't agree--on both sides.

I don't have any recipes that anyone would want, what annoys me is when people in any thread repeat things that have already been discussed because they haven't read the thread.  But overall, those who have discussed this issue seem to accept the other side, but often request clarification to help them understand it.  I think that's okay.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Mammavan on November 08, 2007, 01:37:27 PM
Quote
if a recipe has been handed down within generations of a family, what more do you really need to understand?  surely that is the right of that family to keep a certain recipe within their family?  would you deny them that privilege? 


I never said, or implied, that that they didn't have the right to do so or attempted to deny them that privilege.  I merely asked to understand the logic behind it.  I have my grandmother's recipe for Polish Bow Knots, in her own handwriting, and it is indeed a family treasure.  But if I type it out and pass it on to a friend, is my treasure in anyway diminished?  I still have the recipe and now my friend will have the pleasure of making them for her family.  Comparing a request for a recipe to a request for a tangible item is invalid; once you give the item away, you no longer have it, which is not true for a recipe.

Another poster mentioned the special BBQ sauce her family makes every year and gives as gifts.  I'd never request that recipe; I'd simply make sure I'd stay on her good side and save myself the work ;).

Quote
Creating the recipe is a personal quest to fulfill a personal need. 


Quote
skbenny hit my motivations on the nose. I play with food cause it's fun and I enjoy working hard at it to get something special. It's not for Aunt Molly or Friend Laura or Schoolmate Jean. It's for me.

These posts helped me to understand the reasons the posters were unwilling to share their recipes.  My motivation in cooking is to create something that people enjoy eating, something that makes them happy.  If having my recipe so that they can recreate the dish makes them happy, I'm glad.  No one has ever made a recipe I've shared and then come back to complain about the way it turned out* (except for DD who complains her pot roast isn't "quite there yet"), so it never occurred to me that people would do that.  My feeling was that refusing to share an old family recipe was selfish because it seemed as if those outside the family were somehow unworthy of the recipe and only family members "deserved" to enjoy it, and I wanted to understand why that wasn't true.

*Now, that I think about it, not many complete complain to me about too many things.  That's probably wise of them.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: katarain on November 08, 2007, 01:39:25 PM
Sometimes it's okay to be selfish, like when you want to reserve something specifically for family members and no one else.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on November 08, 2007, 01:40:09 PM
Someone on page eighty-eleven of this thread asked why selective-sharers can't give an answer beyond "no."  It's really curious - we tell people that 'no' is a complete sentence all the time.  Perhaps some ofthe selective sharers say "no" or "no, that's not possible" instead of going into "why" - if they say "sorry, it's a family recipe," the asker might respond with "but I thought we were as close as sisters!"  Or if the answer is "no, sorry - I'm entering it in a contest," the asker says "But I'll only bake this for my church group, I SWEAR!"  I just think going into why might create a loophole.  
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: katarain on November 08, 2007, 01:45:49 PM
I think the "No as a Complete Sentence" rule should only be used when you're talking to unreasonable people who would counter with any reason under the sun why you should make an exception.  It should also only be used if this person's entitled, rude behavior is such that you don't mind distancing yourself from them.  It is certainly not rude to say "No." and to leave it at that, but it may be unwise and unkind to respond that way to a friend.  If your friend is a reasonable person, it shouldn't hurt to give an explanation. 

It's about cushioning your message and thinking of your friend's feelings--not about preventing arguments about your answer.  When dealing with your friends, your default assumption should be that said friends are going to react rationally.  Your default assumption should not be that this person is going to argue and throw a fit because you aren't sharing your recipe, so you need to act proactively by simply saying no with no explanation.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bibliophile on November 08, 2007, 01:47:27 PM
Everytime I check for new posts this same topic pops up again - and again.  I'm am in utter amazement that we've found enough original comments to fill up 35 pages  :o ...  After this, I don't even want to think about recipes anymore  ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on November 08, 2007, 02:06:28 PM
Everytime I check for new posts this same topic pops up again - and again.  I'm am in utter amazement that we've found enough original comments to fill up 35 pages  :o ...  After this, I don't even want to think about recipes anymore  ;D

Hah! I'm working out a recipe for steamed wontons in my head. And no I won't give it out but you're all welcome to come over and try my first attempt.  :P
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: bah12 on November 08, 2007, 02:21:41 PM
Comparing a request for a recipe to a request for a tangible item is invalid; once you give the item away, you no longer have it, which is not true for a recipe.

I don't believe the comparison is invalid at all.  What you are saying (at least it seems to me) is that regardless of what emotional attachment I have to something I created, because I can always recreate it, I should freely give it away anytime I'm asked for it.  I believe that sentimatality and emotion is just as valid, if not not more so, then tangible things.

And I know this comparison has been used before, but I believe that it applies.  You probably wouldn't expect a clothing designer to hand over the patterns of clothes you like even though that designer can still use the pattern his or herself. 

I guess the bottom line (and I believe we've reached this conclusion before) is that it doesn't matter.  Share/don't share.  Whatever...but it is the owner's perogative to decide if and when something he/she owns will be given out.  Just because you don't hold the same value for it that the owner does, does not in any way mean that they are obligated to provide an explanation that you (generic) deem is reasonable.

Granted, I would not just say "no, you're crazy if you think I'm giving this to you"...that would be rude.  But "No, this is a family recipe (even if I'm the only family member that knows it right now)" should suffice.  I don't want to hurt my friends feelings and I in no way am trying to...but not sharing a recipe is personal...it's not about anyone else and I don't see why I have to be responsible for anyone's inability to see that.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 08, 2007, 03:06:05 PM
I never saw an answer to my earlier question.

For those of you that feel hurt/upset or any other unpleasant emotion if someone will not share a recipe:

Have you ever spent years and significant $ creating and perfecting a recipe?
Do you own any secret family recipes that were passed down for generations?
Do you have any recipes that other consider your signature dish?



Hanna, as one who shares her own recipes, and respects the selective sharers but doesn't "agree" with all the reasons (and realizes that it doesn't matter that I don't agree), and is disappointed and potentially a little hurt depending on delivery of the no but doesn't hold it against people, here are my answers:

No, I haven't spent  years and significant $ creating and perfecting a recipe.  I'm a college student, and have neither the budget or the time to do that.  I have developed simple and affordable recipes at home that have improved almost every time I make them, but I kept them within my usual dinner budget.

No, I don't own any secret family recipes, because my family doesn't keep them secret.  The closest we have to secrets is a very honest "you'd have to watch because it's not written down and I've been making it for 30 years."  I do have recipes that my family makes that I consider very special, most of which I associate very strongly with certain holidays.  "Family recipe" is a reason that I respect 100%, and always have, but don't entirely understand, with the exception of an actual promise being made, in which case I understand that you can't break a promise to someone just because I want you to.

Yes, I have a few recipes that people consider my "signature" dishes, which people request if I give them a choice.  My ex-roommate always requested my vegetable beef soup for his birthday, and my BF frequently asks for my nameless chicken dish, the one with all the basil ;)  No matter where Christmas is held, I'm always asked to do the potatoes, but I don't think that's cuz I'm a specialist, I think it's because I love potatoes and I'm willing to sit there and mash them up without getting frustrated because they're just #*&^%&* potatoes :)  People are more than welcome to these recipes, but good luck because they're not written down.  I generally just tell them what to do, and my friends who aren't intuitive cooks look at me like I'm crazy when I say "just throw in basil and oregano and lots of garlic til it smells right" and never bother trying ;D  For recipes with no clear recipe, I'll just tell them what's in it and the process, and they can try to figure it out if they want.


I should also mention that my views on this may be a little different from some people's who are more strictly towards one side of the argument because my personal philosophy and feelings on this lean towards sharing unless there was a promise made or a practical reason not to, but my dear brother is also an aspiring chef, and if he ever makes it big I can see how it would be a problem if everyone knew what was in his recipes.  For the record, and this is in no way an indication that I think others should act this way, he's never had a problem telling me or others how he made something, assuming it's something he can describe.  I expect that this might change if in 20 years he's a world famous chef and people travel from around the world to eat at his restaurant (yeah, okay, so I have a lot of faith in my brother ;)).


In response to a couple other things that have been brought up, I also have trouble with the comparison of a recipe to a tangible item.  I respect the intellectual property reasoning, I hadn't thought about it before this thread, and I wouldn't say that it applies to my personal philosophy on this, but I understand.  I can see comparing a recipe to a quilting or sewing pattern, or a story someone wrote, or something similar.  In all of those cases, someone created something special and doesn't want it duplicated.  In the case of a tangible object, you may or may not have created it, but it's the tangible object that's important.  If you give it away, you no longer have it, period.  With a sewing pattern or a recipe, if I give away a copy, I still have access to it.  It isn't taken away from me, it just (potentially) won't be as special to me.  I still have it, though.  I would be fine with someone not wanting to share intellectual property, if they explained it in a friendly way, but I can't see the connection to giving away something that they would then lose.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: demetra on November 08, 2007, 03:15:00 PM
Hah! I'm working out a recipe for steamed wontons in my head. And no I won't give it out but you're all welcome to come over and try my first attempt.  :P

I make wontons for my husband, they are a favorite dish of his.  Sesame oil and oyster sauce seem to make all the difference in the world.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Cupcake Fiend on November 08, 2007, 03:27:40 PM
Someone upthread talked about wishing they had their grandmother's recipe for something, but the grandmother had passed away unexpectedly and the recipe was lost.  Thinking about it from that perspective...of the people who can never have a specific dish again because someone wouldn't share it, it does seem selfish.  Had the recipe been shared, the poster would still be able to have her grandmother's dish.

I don't have any family recipes, nor am I a particularly accomplished cook.  But anything I do have, I happily share.  I believe that most things are improved by sharing, and very little is to be gained by hoarding.

I can sort of understand some of the reasons given by non-sharers/selective sharers, but it's just not how I choose to handle things.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 08, 2007, 05:18:08 PM
Everytime I check for new posts this same topic pops up again - and again.  I'm am in utter amazement that we've found enough original comments to fill up 35 pages  :o ...  After this, I don't even want to think about recipes anymore  ;D

Hah! I'm working out a recipe for steamed wontons in my head. And no I won't give it out but you're all welcome to come over and try my first attempt.  :P
  woo hoo, i'm there!  shall i bring my thai dipping sauce?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 08, 2007, 05:23:37 PM
Can someone explain to me the rationale behind wanting to keep a recipe in a family?  I am not saying I disagree with it; I simply do not understand it and would like to.

Mammavan, with all due respect (and i have enjoyed your responses around the board and DO respect you), why would you need this explained to you?  if a recipe has been handed down within generations of a family, what more do you really need to understand?  surely that is the right of that family to keep a certain recipe within their family?  would you deny them that privilege?  to some people, a recipe is a treasure, to be handed down through the family only.  i wish i knew how to make my grandmother's pie crust.  she had a stroke before she could teach any of us how to make it.  and if i knew her secret, you bet i wouldn't have shared it with anyone but my own child. 

I think this was a bit uncalled for.  It seems to me as if Mammavan is attempting, in a nonjudgemental way, to increase her understanding on this subject, which was the whole point of this thread in the first place, if I recall correctly.  Of course you're under no obligation to answer, but it's a valid question for someone to ask, if they don't intrinsically understand the reasoning behind this reasoning.

rain, you and i have spoken quite reasonably on this topic, as i recall.  if i have offended MamaVan (who i do respect, as i respect you) i would apologize, but why was my response uncalled for?  she asked, i answered.  and i'm sorry for the delay in responding to you.  i can read at work, but cannot respond.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: edenparadox on November 08, 2007, 05:24:28 PM
Thai dipping sauce sounds delish! Maybe we can do an Asian food potluck!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 08, 2007, 05:47:46 PM
i wish i knew how to make my grandmother's pie crust.  she had a stroke before she could teach any of us how to make it.  and if i knew her secret, you bet i wouldn't have shared it with anyone but my own child. 

Are you sad that your grandmother's recipe died with her?  Do you wish she had shared it with someone who could share it with you?

I'm having a hard time writing this without sounding snarky, and this is not my intention.  To the selective sharers, I ask this honestly - if you were to meet your untimely demise tomorrow, are you comfortable with your recipe dying with you?  If it is written down somewhere, are you comfortable with your loved ones having access to it? 

yes, Lori, i'm very sad i didn't get my grandmother's recipe for pie crust, and thank you for asking.  she didn't write it down for me because she couldn't read or write, and she had a massive stroke before we could have our planned baking session so she could teach me.

feel free to be snarky.  and i'll snark right back at you.  i don't care what your intention was. the result was the same.  this happened 35 years ago.  she had her stroke 3 weeks after my father died.  still wanna snark?  go for it.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: gjcva1 on November 08, 2007, 05:50:43 PM
Thai dipping sauce sounds delish! Maybe we can do an Asian food potluck!

i'm ready, it's seasoned rice wine vinegar, fish sauce, and thai chili garlic paste.  the proportions are up to the eater.  i would recommend mostly the vinegar, a few splashes of fish sauce, and just a touch of the chili paste, to taste.  if you want to get fancy, a few slices of green onions make it look pretty!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: cass2591 on November 08, 2007, 09:03:11 PM
Quote
feel free to be snarky.  and i'll snark right back at you.  i don't care what your intention was. the result was the same.  this happened 35 years ago.  she had her stroke 3 weeks after my father died.  still wanna snark?  go for it.

Totally uncalled for comment, considering Lori was attemting to NOT be snarky.  I suggest you dial it back a bit.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 08, 2007, 09:16:16 PM
Can someone explain to me the rationale behind wanting to keep a recipe in a family?  I am not saying I disagree with it; I simply do not understand it and would like to.

Mammavan, with all due respect (and i have enjoyed your responses around the board and DO respect you), why would you need this explained to you?  if a recipe has been handed down within generations of a family, what more do you really need to understand?  surely that is the right of that family to keep a certain recipe within their family?  would you deny them that privilege?  to some people, a recipe is a treasure, to be handed down through the family only.  i wish i knew how to make my grandmother's pie crust.  she had a stroke before she could teach any of us how to make it.  and if i knew her secret, you bet i wouldn't have shared it with anyone but my own child. 

I think this was a bit uncalled for.  It seems to me as if Mammavan is attempting, in a nonjudgemental way, to increase her understanding on this subject, which was the whole point of this thread in the first place, if I recall correctly.  Of course you're under no obligation to answer, but it's a valid question for someone to ask, if they don't intrinsically understand the reasoning behind this reasoning.

rain, you and i have spoken quite reasonably on this topic, as i recall.  if i have offended MamaVan (who i do respect, as i respect you) i would apologize, but why was my response uncalled for?  she asked, i answered.  and i'm sorry for the delay in responding to you.  i can read at work, but cannot respond.

Maybe I misread it.  It seemed to be somewhat snarky, sort of a "why do you need to know anyway?", but I know that it's hard to communicate clearly when all you have is the written word to work with.  If I misinterpreted it, I hope you'll accept my apology :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Hanna on November 09, 2007, 12:00:01 PM
Hanna, as one who shares her own recipes, and respects the selective sharers but doesn't "agree" with all the reasons (and realizes that it doesn't matter that I don't agree), and is disappointed and potentially a little hurt depending on delivery of the no but doesn't hold it against people, here are my answers:
Thank you for your answer! :-)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: artk2002 on November 09, 2007, 12:31:46 PM
Comparing a request for a recipe to a request for a tangible item is invalid; once you give the item away, you no longer have it, which is not true for a recipe.

There's a whole bunch of laws that say that isn't true -- just because something is intangible and isn't 'lost' when shared, doesn't mean that it is up for grabs.  The term is "intellectual property" and "copyright."  Although copyright doesn't apply to recipes in a legal sense, morally, it's the same thing.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on November 09, 2007, 02:13:05 PM
Comparing a request for a recipe to a request for a tangible item is invalid; once you give the item away, you no longer have it, which is not true for a recipe.

 I do see where you're coming from (don't agree with you, but I see it). You're right, the recipe and it's product are not influenced by the number of people who have it (Toll House chocolate chip cookies are the gold standard IMHO).

Let me try another analogy. I express love and affection through feeding people. If people come over, the friendly thing to do is have fresh cookies and coffee. If family comes over, I cook up a hearty meal. If Boyfriend and I have a special night, or if Sis comes over (she's my favorite person in the whole wide world) I will make one of my personal recipes.

Sharing certain recipes is just a level of intimacy that I am just not ready for with a lot of people.

Edited to take out a joke. (I was worried it might come off as snarky when that wasn't its intention)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Mammavan on November 09, 2007, 02:37:03 PM
Quote
There's a whole bunch of laws that say that isn't true -- just because something is intangible and isn't 'lost' when shared, doesn't mean that it is up for grabs.

My mistake - On this thread I thought we were speaking of amateur cooks sharing recipes with friends, not disseminating legally protected material.  Obviously, I would not expect a friend to suffer a financial loss by giving me a recipe.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: AprilRenee on November 09, 2007, 02:54:54 PM
Can I ask a question?

The only reason I've heard from shares as to why they deserve a recipe is because "it would hurt my feelings if I were told no' and "people bond over food"

I've seen numerous reasons from the non-sharers.

IMO, people bond over numerous things, not just food, and I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound snarky, but the hurt feelings part just doesn't make a good reason to me.

Is there anyone out there that can give MORE reasons why someone is entitled (or deserving) of a recipe that they ask for?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 09, 2007, 03:03:13 PM
Can I ask a question?

The only reason I've heard from shares as to why they deserve a recipe is because "it would hurt my feelings if I were told no' and "people bond over food"

I've seen numerous reasons from the non-sharers.

IMO, people bond over numerous things, not just food, and I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound snarky, but the hurt feelings part just doesn't make a good reason to me.

Is there anyone out there that can give MORE reasons why someone is entitled (or deserving) of a recipe that they ask for?

I never meant to imply that my hurt feelings at being told no meant I was entitled to a recipe.  I was explaining why someone might feel hurt at being told no.  I'm sure everyone else felt the same while explaining their feelings.

And I don't feel entitled or deserving of a recipe, so I cannot answer your question.  Asking for something does not equal meaning you think you deserve to have it.

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: AprilRenee on November 09, 2007, 03:06:01 PM
Can I ask a question?

The only reason I've heard from shares as to why they deserve a recipe is because "it would hurt my feelings if I were told no' and "people bond over food"

I've seen numerous reasons from the non-sharers.

IMO, people bond over numerous things, not just food, and I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound snarky, but the hurt feelings part just doesn't make a good reason to me.

Is there anyone out there that can give MORE reasons why someone is entitled (or deserving) of a recipe that they ask for?

I never meant to imply that my hurt feelings at being told no meant I was entitled to a recipe.  I was explaining why someone might feel hurt at being told no.  I'm sure everyone else felt the same while explaining their feelings.

And I don't feel entitled or deserving of a recipe, so I cannot answer your question.  Asking for something does not equal meaning you think you deserve to have it.



well.. Should recieve it then.

I was just asking because obviously two sides feel strongly enough to take up 36 pages of posts about it. so there should be SOME reasons on both sides.

Me, I do understand and lean towards the non-sharing of recipes if you don't want to, or if it's a family thing.

I don't really have recipes anyway, so for me it's a moot point. Anything I do is either eyeballed and never comes otu the same way twice or copied from online
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Cupcake Fiend on November 09, 2007, 03:17:48 PM
Here are three of my reasons for asking for recipes.  And for the record, I do not feel "entitled" to them but I would feel hurt and disappointed if someone curtly turned me down when I asked.  Saying you don't use a recipe or it's a family secret is one thing and I would still be disappointed but I'd completely understand.  Replying with a flat, curt "No" would disappoint, confuse, and upset me, and like another poster I would think less of the person doing the denying.  If you are nice about it I wouldn't think twice, but to ask for a recipe (with the compliments of how much the dish was enjoyed) and be curtly turned down would be very hurtful.

   -I won't ask for a recipe unless it is something I (or my family) really liked, so it's a compliment.  

   -Thing 1 is much better now than he used to be, but for a while he was a really picky eater and waaaaayyy underweight.  So if we went somewhere and ran into a food he really enjoyed, I'd try to snag the recipe because ANYTHING I could get him to eat I would make.  Including this disgusting oatmeal, peanut butter & jelly glop.  A nutritionist gave us that recipe for him.  He adored it.

   -I'm not an experienced cook.  I can follow a recipe, and I can occasionally manage to improvise or substitute, but I can not create a yummy dish from scratch based on my very limited knowlege of what does and doesn't work, and what spices and seasonings taste like and go with.  I love getting a new recipe to add to my collection of things I can do.  I don't have the money to go out and get a lot of cookbooks and take cooking classes.  When I look up recipes online I get overwhelmed by the sheer number of suggestions and variations out there.  And not having much experience with different spices and things, I can't look at multiple recipes for, say, beef stew and know for sure which one I'd actually like.  So having a recipe that I've already tried or comes suggested by someone who knows my tastes is very helpful to me.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 09, 2007, 03:19:55 PM
I don't think I'm entitled to recipes, or "should" be given them (although of course I think it would be NICE if everyone shared with no problem, and not just recipes.  I'm just a sap that way).  I personally see this thread as an interesting exchange of ideas, not a debate trying to convince the other side that they're wrong.  I can't speak for anyone but myself, though.

I can list a few practical reasons for sharing recipes, but they're all subjective and rely on opinion and emotions, just like the reasons for not sharing.  I would say that it makes sense to share recipes because for some people it can be a means of bonding.  I would say that it makes sense to share recipes because it means that a wonderful dish can make that many more people happy, and I believe in leading my life in a way that brings the most joy and benefit to the most people.  I would say that it makes sense to share recipes because it prevents those recipes being accidently lost if something should happen to the developer.  I would say that it makes sense to share recipes because it doesn't technically (in a measurable way) hurt anything if you do (assuming you're not breaking a promise or sacrificing money that would be made by selling a cookbook, etc).  I would say that it makes sense because your guests may not be in a position to visit you often for that particular dish, because they live in another city, but they think fondly of you whenever they eat it, and would thus feel closer to you when they can make it at home.  It makes sense because you might not want to make your famous coconut chicken every time Susie comes over, and by sharing that recipe so she can make it herself, you allow yourself to share even more of your wonderful dishes with her on subsequent visits.  I'm sure I could think of more.  Again, I'm not trying to CONVINCE anyone, simply supplying a few more reasons why one would promote open sharing.  It's a fair question, if you take out the "entitled" part.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Cupcake Fiend on November 09, 2007, 03:23:24 PM
Very well put, Rainha, and sums up my feelings perfectly too!!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Mammavan on November 09, 2007, 03:27:57 PM
Quote
I would say that it makes sense to share recipes because it means that a wonderful dish can make that many more people happy, and I believe in leading my life in a way that brings the most joy and benefit to the most people.


Thank you.  Perfectly put.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 09, 2007, 03:29:12 PM
Very well put, Rainha, and sums up my feelings perfectly too!!

Quote
I would say that it makes sense to share recipes because it means that a wonderful dish can make that many more people happy, and I believe in leading my life in a way that brings the most joy and benefit to the most people.


Thank you.  Perfectly put.

Maybe I should give up on teaching and become a writer ;)  I'm glad I was able to articulate some of the reasons on our side of the fence.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on November 09, 2007, 03:30:46 PM
I personally see this thread as an interesting exchange of ideas, not a debate trying to convince the other side that they're wrong.  

I feel exactly the same way.  It has been a fascinating thread, seeing both sides of a very common issue that is something not really discussed.

I don't care which side of the issue you (generic) are on, I am really interested in the reasoning behind everyone's comments.

I never would have thought that someone would be hurt or offended by me not sharing a recipe, it never occurred to me, because it is not how I would react.  Reading everyone's responses has given me much to think about.

My opinions may not change, but how I react to someone requesting a recipe may.

I love a good dialog and debate and this has been one of the better ones, around a very - well - common but odd issue.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: maryb on November 09, 2007, 03:36:37 PM
And I don't feel entitled or deserving of a recipe, so I cannot answer your question.  Asking for something does not equal meaning you think you deserve to have it.

well.. Should recieve it then.


"Should receive it" and "deserve to have it" sound the same to me.  I don't think I should receive a recipe, only that I've been surprised when someone says no because that's uncommon in my experience. 

I would say that it makes sense to share recipes because it means that a wonderful dish can make that many more people happy, and I believe in leading my life in a way that brings the most joy and benefit to the most people.

What a beautiful sentiment!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: bah12 on November 09, 2007, 07:24:55 PM
I like to live my life in a way that benefits and makes others happy too...I don't think that because I'm a selective sharer, that it means that I don't.  I also don't think that I should give YOU something, just because it makes YOU happy.  What about MY feelings and the feelings of MY FAMILY that I made and developed that recipe for?  Not sharing a recipe with YOU had absolutely nothing to do with YOU.  It's about emotion and that's just as important and valid as tangible property.

Here's another analogy for the reason that some selective sharer's gave:  Not wanting their special dish to be made so often that it is not special anymore (i.e the dish I developed and gave my DH on our first anniversary).

Have you ever heard a really great song on the radio and just loved it?  And because everyone else loved it so much and requested that the radio station play it over and over again, you hear it so much that you almost start to hate it?  Well, I would never want that to happen to CERTAIN recipes I develop, so for that reason (added to the others), I protect them.  Since they are mine, I have every right to do that.

The part I still am having trouble with is the owing of an explanation.  I have never been rude or hurtful when I turn down recipe requests.  I still don't see why a "sorry, but I prefer not to share this recipe but thank you so much for the compliment.  It means the world to me." would make you think less of me as a person.  It's my recipe and tangible or not, I have every right to keep it to myself.  As this thread has shown there are many very good reasons for not sharing recipes...do you really expect that you deserve to be given a "valid" explanation every time you don't get what you want?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on November 09, 2007, 07:35:31 PM
I like to live my life in a way that benefits and makes others happy too...I don't think that because I'm a selective sharer, that it means that I don't.  I also don't think that I should give YOU something, just because it makes YOU happy.  What about MY feelings and the feelings of MY FAMILY that I made and developed that recipe for?  Not sharing a recipe with YOU had absolutely nothing to do with YOU.  It's about emotion and that's just as important and valid as tangible property.


Someone asked for reasons that recipes "should" be shared, and I gave a list of reasons that I see sharing as a positive thing.  I don't agree with all your reasons, you don't agree with all my reasons, and I'm not trying to convince you of anything.  I just answered a question as best I could based on my opinion.  I NEVER implied that my post was intended to change anyone's mind, or that I was entitled to or should be given recipes.  I certainly didn't mean to imply that selective sharers don't live in a way that makes other people happy, simply that we see different means to that end.  I'm sorry if you took my post that way.

I've given my opinion on why giving a reason is the right (or nicest, if you prefer) thing to do already.  Maybe someone who's actually said that they'd think less of a selective sharer as a person can give you a better answer.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: artk2002 on November 09, 2007, 07:58:22 PM
Quote
There's a whole bunch of laws that say that isn't true -- just because something is intangible and isn't 'lost' when shared, doesn't mean that it is up for grabs.

My mistake - On this thread I thought we were speaking of amateur cooks sharing recipes with friends, not disseminating legally protected material.  Obviously, I would not expect a friend to suffer a financial loss by giving me a recipe.

How is it any different if it's an amateur or a professional?  The same effort goes into the creation.  It has nothing to do with financial loss, but everything to do with having control over your own creation.

Read copyright law -- it says nothing about selling or profit.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Cupcake Fiend on November 09, 2007, 11:38:57 PM
The part I still am having trouble with is the owing of an explanation.  I have never been rude or hurtful when I turn down recipe requests.  I still don't see why a "sorry, but I prefer not to share this recipe but thank you so much for the compliment.  It means the world to me." would make you think less of me as a person.  It's my recipe and tangible or not, I have every right to keep it to myself.  As this thread has shown there are many very good reasons for not sharing recipes...do you really expect that you deserve to be given a "valid" explanation every time you don't get what you want?

The way you are phrasing your answer here is fine and would go far towards soothing any hurt feelings on my part.  It is the people who are saying "No" and ONLY no is necessary that I would find hurtful.  Two conversations:

That meal was wonderful, Thing 1 even cleaned his plate!  I have a hard time finding things he'll eat, would you share the recipe with me, please?
"No."

That meal was wonderful, Thing 1 actually finished all of his!  I have such a hard time feeding him, there's not much he really enjoys eating.  Would you share your recipe with me, please?
"I'm sorry, this is my grandma's special recipe and I can't give it out.  Thanks for the compliment!"

One conversation results in hurt feelings, the other, not so much.  IMO, of course.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on January 12, 2008, 08:13:49 PM
I have received a request for some recipes for a fundraising cookbook.  As you all know I normally don't share my "inventions", but I have been experimenting with using canned, boxed, pre-mixed, pre-made food.  I have made a spin off of funeral potatoes using everything canned or boxed - how does this sound:

Surprise Guest Potatoes

For those times when you need to add something to your menu, fairly quickly, but not have it taste hurried.

2 boxes of Betty Crocker Seasoned Skillets Hash Brown
2 cups water
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 can cheddar cheese soup
1 1/2 cup sour cream

Mix everything together in 3 quart baking dish and bake at 400 degrees F for 30 minutes.  Serves 6 to 8.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on January 13, 2008, 12:41:02 AM
Sounds tasty to me!  And easy!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Summrs on January 13, 2008, 01:32:59 AM
Top it with cheddar cheese so you get that crispy, cheesy crust.  mmmm
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on February 08, 2009, 01:02:22 AM
I have a new recipe for this thread - one I just found, and thus cannot claim it as my own work.

It is awesome, and easy:  I cooked it in an angel food cake pan, but a bundt pan would work, or even I bet cupcakes.

Take 1 basic yellow cake mix
add 1 small package chocolate - the darker the better - pudding
add 1/2 cup sugar

Mix all the dry ingredients together so their are no little yellow lumps left from the cake mix.
Set aside

Mix together 1/2 cup melted butter, 1 cup sour cream and 4 eggs, beaten.

Add 3/4 cup of water to the butter, sour cream and egg mixture.

Turn the oven to 350 degrees.

Mix the wet and dry together well.  Add 1 cup mini chocolate chips.

Pour into well oiled pan.  Bake for 60 minutes, checking the last twenty minutes to make sure the cake is done.

Remove for the oven, take from pan and sprinkle with powdered sugar.

This is so good, I think I will go have another piece.

Happy baking to everyone.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: GlindaBunny on February 08, 2009, 11:18:01 AM
I share my recipes all the time but I don't think anyone actually tries making them... :(
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Suze on February 08, 2009, 12:24:25 PM
I really should go through all my recipes and pull out all the ones that I got from "work friends" (potlucks, birthdays, general "I felt like baking" days) and put them in a book....

they will be easy to fish out of the boxes

most of them are written on old puch cards and timecards and "tinnnny little bits of paper"

I share willingly
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: amanda_tlg on February 08, 2009, 12:41:43 PM
I have a new recipe for this thread - one I just found, and thus cannot claim it as my own work.

It is awesome, and easy:  I cooked it in an angel food cake pan, but a bundt pan would work, or even I bet cupcakes.

Take 1 basic yellow cake mix
add 1 small package chocolate - the darker the better - pudding
add 1/2 cup sugar

Mix all the dry ingredients together so their are no little yellow lumps left from the cake mix.
Set aside

Mix together 1/2 cup melted butter, 1 cup sour cream and 4 eggs, beaten.

Add 3/4 cup of water to the butter, sour cream and egg mixture.

Turn the oven to 350 degrees.

Mix the wet and dry together well.  Add 1 cup mini chocolate chips.

Pour into well oiled pan.  Bake for 60 minutes, checking the last twenty minutes to make sure the cake is done.

Remove for the oven, take from pan and sprinkle with powdered sugar.

This is so good, I think I will go have another piece.

Happy baking to everyone.

This sounds perfect for my sweet-tooth family. But, alas, I have no angel food *or* bundt pan. (Loaned the bundt pan, haven't seen it since) I wonder if a regular 13x9 would work as well??
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Suze on February 08, 2009, 01:28:24 PM
probably not - I think that with that much pudding in the cake mix it needs the "extra sides" of the bunt pan to climb and stick and not fall. 

(if that made any sense whatsoever)

try unlined cupcake pans  - smaller surface area in the center.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Ant V on February 08, 2009, 01:50:43 PM
The son to the woman that will not share the recipe with her daughter-in-law, goes to his mother and says "Mom, please give me the recipe for your Chicken Supreme Surprise so I can make it at home."  If she refuses, he pouts.   I share every recipe or cooking trick I know. 

P.S. I didn't realize how old this thread actually is. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Elle on February 08, 2009, 02:22:33 PM
I share my recipes all the time but I don't think anyone actually tries making them... :(

Speaking for myself (and i nearly swooned when you posted a creme brulee recipe - I think it was creme brulee anyway  ;D ) it's because my BF is on a very strict diet. I try to make sure I don't have any foods in the house that might sway him off the straight and narrow.

I hate cooking for one. I really hate cooking for one when it's because the other person can't/won't eat anything I make (as opposed to being by myself)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on February 08, 2009, 03:52:55 PM
This sounds perfect for my sweet-tooth family. But, alas, I have no angel food *or* bundt pan. (Loaned the bundt pan, haven't seen it since) I wonder if a regular 13x9 would work as well??

It really is wonderful ;D

I wouldn't try it in a regular cake pan, because it is so moist that the edges would overcook by the time the middle was done.  A cupcake pan or even a couple of loaf pans would work really well.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: 42_42_42 on February 08, 2009, 05:24:40 PM
probably not - I think that with that much pudding in the cake mix it needs the "extra sides" of the bunt pan to climb and stick and not fall. 

(if that made any sense whatsoever)

try unlined cupcake pans  - smaller surface area in the center.

I'm assuming (the recipe doesn't specify), based on all the other pudding mix added to cake mix recipes I've seen (and used) that the pudding mix is added directly to the cake mix, you don't make the pudding and then add it.

Said all that to say this: if my bove assumption is correct, you can bake the recipe in any size pan(s) (of course if you're using smaller pans, you'll need more of them!).
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: 42_42_42 on February 08, 2009, 05:26:19 PM
This sounds perfect for my sweet-tooth family. But, alas, I have no angel food *or* bundt pan. (Loaned the bundt pan, haven't seen it since) I wonder if a regular 13x9 would work as well??

It really is wonderful ;D

I wouldn't try it in a regular cake pan, because it is so moist that the edges would overcook by the time the middle was done.  A cupcake pan or even a couple of loaf pans would work really well.

To prevent that, turn down the heat to 325 deg F and put an upside down flower nail (the kind decorators use to make icing roses) in the middle of the pan.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Suze on February 08, 2009, 05:43:35 PM
Mix together 1/2 cup melted butter, 1 cup sour cream and 4 eggs, beaten.

Add 3/4 cup of water to the butter, sour cream and egg mixture.

********

With this much extra liquid in the cake - the center will take way long to cook as there is a LOT of center in a 13 x 9 pan

by putting it in a bunt pan or small pans you get "rid" of the center that is going to stay "raw" 

I've never heard of the "flower nail" in the center of the cake.  I suppose it would transfer some heat to the cake center - but I doubt it would be enough with this "wet" of a cake.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on February 08, 2009, 06:28:07 PM
The batter sounds like it would be too dense to bake well in a 9x13 pan, but I agree with the ladies who say cupcakes would work well, or three 8-inch round cake pans.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: JuicyLife on February 08, 2009, 07:03:06 PM
Hi all

I've got a massive collection of recipes at home that I've cut out of magazines, found on the net, watched on TV etc. I struggle with the best way to store and sort them all. Has anyone got a really good way of managing their recipes that they'd care to share?

Thanks in advance  :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on February 08, 2009, 07:14:06 PM
Hi all

I've got a massive collection of recipes at home that I've cut out of magazines, found on the net, watched on TV etc. I struggle with the best way to store and sort them all. Has anyone got a really good way of managing their recipes that they'd care to share?

Thanks in advance  :)

If someone has a great suggestion I would also like to know.  I use the three ring binder method and have a bookcase dedicated to recipe books.  Our  most frequently used recipes are on 3 x 5 cards in a file box we received as a wedding present, some recipes are posted with magnets on the fridge.  I guess I don't have a  method. :-\
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Brentwood on February 08, 2009, 07:18:07 PM
Hi all

I've got a massive collection of recipes at home that I've cut out of magazines, found on the net, watched on TV etc. I struggle with the best way to store and sort them all. Has anyone got a really good way of managing their recipes that they'd care to share?

Thanks in advance  :)

If someone has a great suggestion I would also like to know.  I use the three ring binder method and have a bookcase dedicated to recipe books.  Our  most frequently used recipes are on 3 x 5 cards in a file box we received as a wedding present, some recipes are posted with magnets on the fridge.  I guess I don't have a  method. :-\

I don't really have a particular method. I have a couple of large recipe box I keep recipes in, and if I find one on line that I like, I copy it onto an index card. I have dozens of cookbooks, but I am pretty good at remembering which favorite recipes are in which book (which is amazing, considering that I can't remember what I walked into the next room for...!).
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Myrindyl on February 08, 2009, 07:24:42 PM

Mix together 1/2 cup melted butter, 1 cup sour cream and 4 eggs, beaten.


salted or unsalted butter?
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: 42_42_42 on February 08, 2009, 07:41:33 PM
Mix together 1/2 cup melted butter, 1 cup sour cream and 4 eggs, beaten.

Add 3/4 cup of water to the butter, sour cream and egg mixture.

********

With this much extra liquid in the cake - the center will take way long to cook as there is a LOT of center in a 13 x 9 pan

by putting it in a bunt pan or small pans you get "rid" of the center that is going to stay "raw" 

I've never heard of the "flower nail" in the center of the cake.  I suppose it would transfer some heat to the cake center - but I doubt it would be enough with this "wet" of a cake.

The flower nail trick is something that lots of bakers/decorators use all the time! It works great! For a 13x9 pan, it is generally best to use 3 of them spaced out in a row down the middle of the cake.

Baking at a lower temp for a longer time helps, too.

I have successfully baked cakes that were "wetter" that the above receipe in all different shaped pans without any problems.  ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Keres on February 08, 2009, 07:58:47 PM
Some of the recipe organizer software programs are awesome.  I use recipe organizer 7.  Just make sure to back up files so you don't lose everything in a computer crash.

Not that I speak from experience or anything
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 08, 2009, 08:03:23 PM
My recipes are scattered all over the place.  I have some in my favorites online, some saved to the computer, some that I just look up every time because I know the chef and the recipe name, and some stuck to the fridge or in a shoebox that's nowhere near the kitchen at any given time. ::)  My cook books are scattered throughout the apartment, too.

My most effective method is cooking the recipe over and over and over until I've memorized it :D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Tai on February 08, 2009, 08:06:22 PM
I have my recipes in several spots.  Untested, but "looks yummy" dishes get filed by type into the recipe box that I got from DH on our first Christmas.  Once I've tried a recipe, it gets put into one of the binders- one for baking, one for main dishes and sides, and one called "Oh no she didn't!"*.  I paste the recipe onto a piece of paper with plenty of room, so that I'll have the original, then I'll use the rest of the paper to add variations and adjustments as I try them.  


*"Oh no she didn't" is where I keep my party foods and my superfast shortcut recipes- 2 ingredient pumpkin muffins, beer bread, 5 minute fudge, chocolate swirl pretzels, cheater peanut butter cookies, leftover cereal cookies, etc.  
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 08, 2009, 08:23:42 PM
2 ingredient pumpkin muffins?  You HAVE to share that recipe!  >:D  ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on February 08, 2009, 08:29:41 PM

Mix together 1/2 cup melted butter, 1 cup sour cream and 4 eggs, beaten.


salted or unsalted butter?

I use salted butter.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Tai on February 08, 2009, 08:35:15 PM
Preheat oven to 350.  

1 15 oz can pumpkin pie filling
1 box yellow cake mix

Mix together.  Batter will be thick and ugly as all get out.  Put in greased muffin tin, being aware that the thick, ugly batter will pretty much stay in the same shape only puffier.  NO it doesn't need eggs- get out of the fridge!  Bake ugly batter for 23-25 minutes.  Enjoy!


I usually add extra spice- because I like it that way!  You can use plain canned pumpkin and spice it how you like it, or try different cake mixes (I've done spice cake and plain pumpkin-yum!).  
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 08, 2009, 08:39:15 PM
Mmm, I have cake mix and pumpkin lying around, I might have to try that!  Thanks!  That reminds me, I have a box of pumpkin bread mix I never did get around to using.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 08, 2009, 08:57:31 PM
For organizing recipes...

When my Mom passed away, I made a cookbook of her favourite recipes with a few of mine we made together for bake sales.  We had several hundred copies made up and gave them to family and friends, and sold some as a fundraiser.  So most of my tried and trues are together in one place.

For other recipes, I bought photo albums that have the clear page you pull back and the slightly tacky board underneath.  So I stick the pages or cards or whatever the recipe is on to the sticky part and put the clear page over them.  That way, they are secure and protected.

Which is good, since I'm a really messy cook.  My Mom and I had a great system - I'd dirty every bowl and pan in the house and she'd clean up after me.  I'd be baking over a hundred dozen cookies for her bake sale.  She'd rather clean than roll, cut, bake and decorate gingerbread and sugar cookies.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on February 08, 2009, 09:02:34 PM
Preheat oven to 350.  

1 15 oz can pumpkin pie filling
1 box yellow cake mix

Mix together.  Batter will be thick and ugly as all get out.  Put in greased muffin tin, being aware that the thick, ugly batter will pretty much stay in the same shape only puffier.  NO it doesn't need eggs- get out of the fridge!  Bake ugly batter for 23-25 minutes.  Enjoy!


I usually add extra spice- because I like it that way!  You can use plain canned pumpkin and spice it how you like it, or try different cake mixes (I've done spice cake and plain pumpkin-yum!).  

My daughter does the same only she uses spice cake mix and adds chocolate chips.  Can be dropped on cookie sheet for cookies.  Yummy.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: LB on February 08, 2009, 09:29:08 PM
My sister got me a book called Recipe Keeper. It has pages to write down your recipes, who you got them from (or if they're yours), and it also has pages to index recipes you have in other places. It's divided into categories and it has pockets in each category to hold recipe cards as well. It's the only book I keep in the kitchen. All my other cookbooks are stored, but I can use the Keeper to look up exactly which book has the recipe I want so I don't drag all my books, just the one I need.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: NOVA Lady on February 08, 2009, 09:37:02 PM
I share my recipes all the time but I don't think anyone actually tries making them... :(

WRONG... I have absolutely made one of your recipes and it was AWESOME.

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=31618.msg723052#msg723052

I made this, using what you wrote as a guide and it was perfect. Thank you :) I listen to you, you have awesome tips!!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Myrindyl on February 08, 2009, 09:57:16 PM

Mix together 1/2 cup melted butter, 1 cup sour cream and 4 eggs, beaten.


salted or unsalted butter?

I use salted butter.

Thanks! The cake sounds yummy. I'll probably experiment with other pudding flavors too, since I don't usually have a particular hunger for chocolate. I'll let ya'll know how other flavors turn out if you're interested :)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: skbenny on February 08, 2009, 09:59:14 PM
Thanks! The cake sounds yummy. I'll probably experiment with other pudding flavors too, since I don't usually have a particular hunger for chocolate. I'll let ya'll know how other flavors turn out if you're interested :)

Please do.  I'm all about experimentation and making new recipes.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: KenveeB on February 08, 2009, 09:59:42 PM
Several years ago, my mom gave me a recipe box with her recipes hand-written on cards.  There was a stack of extra cards in the back, so my "keeper" recipes go there.  The stacks of "need to try" ones get put in the cabinet next to my cookbooks.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: MDefarge on February 08, 2009, 10:18:42 PM
Preheat oven to 350.  

1 15 oz can pumpkin pie filling
1 box yellow cake mix

Mix together.  Batter will be thick and ugly as all get out.  Put in greased muffin tin, being aware that the thick, ugly batter will pretty much stay in the same shape only puffier.  NO it doesn't need eggs- get out of the fridge!  Bake ugly batter for 23-25 minutes.  Enjoy!


I usually add extra spice- because I like it that way!  You can use plain canned pumpkin and spice it how you like it, or try different cake mixes (I've done spice cake and plain pumpkin-yum!).  

Thank you - I'm broke as all get out and was looking to bake something for friends this week - I have both cake mix AND a can of pumpkin in the house!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Sirius on February 08, 2009, 11:46:34 PM
Preheat oven to 350.  

1 15 oz can pumpkin pie filling
1 box yellow cake mix

Mix together.  Batter will be thick and ugly as all get out.  Put in greased muffin tin, being aware that the thick, ugly batter will pretty much stay in the same shape only puffier.  NO it doesn't need eggs- get out of the fridge!  Bake ugly batter for 23-25 minutes.  Enjoy!


I usually add extra spice- because I like it that way!  You can use plain canned pumpkin and spice it how you like it, or try different cake mixes (I've done spice cake and plain pumpkin-yum!).  

I made cake this way, and found it rather bland.  My MIL told me that she's also made pumpkin cake this way, and she always adds pumpkin pie spice.  Since my MIL is an excellent cook I'm going to try it the way she suggested. 
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: baglady on February 09, 2009, 12:03:06 AM
Quote
Having someone ask for the recipe after years and tons of money invested is like someone taking a helicopter to the top of Mt. McKinley, after I had to trek and climb to the top.  We can both say we have been to the top, but only one of us actually did the work.  Is the result the same?  I mean we get to the same place, but...

But they're not asking you to give them a helicopter -- or carry them piggyback up the mountain. They're asking you how you got up the mountain -- what route you took, what gear you used, etc. -- so they can make the climb themselves.

I have no problem sharing or asking for recipes; heck, my "signature" brownie recipe is just the recipe off the King Arthur flour bag, with chocolate chips added. However, I respect the wishes of anyone who doesn't want to share theirs.

But just a thought for those whose main reason for not sharing is that they fear the person asking will skip steps or substitute ingredients: Why not just add some caveats to the recipe? "The eggs *must* be room temp. If you add them cold from the fridge, X will happen. " "Use fresh basil; if you use the dried stuff, you'll need to add more to get the flavor right, and it'll throw the texture off." "Don't try to save calories by substituting milk for the heavy cream; it'll never set up right, and you'll have a soggy mess."

If you think the person may be insulted by the insinuation that they need these caveats, white-lie that you know this stuff because you made those mistakes yourself!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: KenveeB on February 09, 2009, 07:13:15 AM
But just a thought for those whose main reason for not sharing is that they fear the person asking will skip steps or substitute ingredients: Why not just add some caveats to the recipe? "The eggs *must* be room temp. If you add them cold from the fridge, X will happen. " "Use fresh basil; if you use the dried stuff, you'll need to add more to get the flavor right, and it'll throw the texture off." "Don't try to save calories by substituting milk for the heavy cream; it'll never set up right, and you'll have a soggy mess."

If you think the person may be insulted by the insinuation that they need these caveats, white-lie that you know this stuff because you made those mistakes yourself!

I can't anticipate every boneheaded thing someone else will think to substitute in a recipe.  Heck, I can't anticipate every boneheaded thing I'll think to substitute in a recipe! ;)  And the kind of person who's going to skip steps or make the dumb substitutions (and then blame you for "giving the wrong recipe", like people were upset about) aren't going to listen no matter how explicit you are.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 09, 2009, 03:52:41 PM
Very true, Kenvee!  It is nice, though, as a "responsible" cook, when people point out their own stupid mistakes, so I don't repeat them ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: twinkletoes on February 09, 2009, 07:29:49 PM
But just a thought for those whose main reason for not sharing is that they fear the person asking will skip steps or substitute ingredients: Why not just add some caveats to the recipe? "The eggs *must* be room temp. If you add them cold from the fridge, X will happen. " "Use fresh basil; if you use the dried stuff, you'll need to add more to get the flavor right, and it'll throw the texture off." "Don't try to save calories by substituting milk for the heavy cream; it'll never set up right, and you'll have a soggy mess."

If you think the person may be insulted by the insinuation that they need these caveats, white-lie that you know this stuff because you made those mistakes yourself!

I can't anticipate every boneheaded thing someone else will think to substitute in a recipe.  Heck, I can't anticipate every boneheaded thing I'll think to substitute in a recipe! ;)  And the kind of person who's going to skip steps or make the dumb substitutions (and then blame you for "giving the wrong recipe", like people were upset about) aren't going to listen no matter how explicit you are.

This. 

And I'm with Ant V - I can't believe how old this thread is!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: baglady on February 09, 2009, 08:15:42 PM
I guess I'm assuming all the boneheads are like me. I know enough not to substitute milk for cream, but I don't know enough about the fine points of cooking or chemistry to realize that cold eggs or dried basil would make a huge difference in a recipe that called for room temp eggs or fresh basil. A little heads-up in the recipe explaining why those little points are important would be something I'd pay attention to.

Fortunately, I have a dear friend who is (a) an amazing cook and (b) a trained chemist, and he *does* explain these things to me when he shares a recipe.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 09, 2009, 09:19:41 PM
See, and for me, depending on how much cream it is (a splash for flavor vs. a significant amount needed for texture), I might just substitute whole milk.  Heck, I've substituted powdered coffee creamer for milk a few times, and nobody was the wiser ;)  You do need to be a good cook, and familiar with how ingredients work together, though, to take that kind of risk.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Fidgets on February 10, 2009, 10:27:55 AM
But just a thought for those whose main reason for not sharing is that they fear the person asking will skip steps or substitute ingredients: Why not just add some caveats to the recipe? "The eggs *must* be room temp. If you add them cold from the fridge, X will happen. " "Use fresh basil; if you use the dried stuff, you'll need to add more to get the flavor right, and it'll throw the texture off." "Don't try to save calories by substituting milk for the heavy cream; it'll never set up right, and you'll have a soggy mess."

If you think the person may be insulted by the insinuation that they need these caveats, white-lie that you know this stuff because you made those mistakes yourself!

I can't anticipate every boneheaded thing someone else will think to substitute in a recipe.  Heck, I can't anticipate every boneheaded thing I'll think to substitute in a recipe! ;)  And the kind of person who's going to skip steps or make the dumb substitutions (and then blame you for "giving the wrong recipe", like people were upset about) aren't going to listen no matter how explicit you are.

And this is why I have one recipe I won't share.  I don't care if people want to experiment or substitute things or try to make the recipe more "theirs".  None of that bothers me at all, but if I give you* this particular recipe and you don't follow the directions ****exactly****, you are going to wind up with a dough blob challenging the "real" Blob for supremacy, your kitchen will be a disaster area and there is a fair-to-middlin' chance that you will never, ever get unstuck from your kitchen floor.  You will, unfortunately and judging by previous scenarios, be able to get to the phone (which you will now be stuck to.  Forever.) and call me up wanting to know how to fix it (impossible) and/or call me every name in the book interlaced with rude assumptions about my maternity and antecedents, along with accusations that I sabotaged the recipe.  No, you just can't follow directions and dire warnings.  No thanks.  I don't give it out anymore.

*"You" in this sentence refers to the general, and not particular, you.

Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: zoidberg on February 10, 2009, 10:34:41 AM

And this is why I have one recipe I won't share.  I don't care if people want to experiment or substitute things or try to make the recipe more "theirs".  None of that bothers me at all, but if I give you* this particular recipe and you don't follow the directions ****exactly****, you are going to wind up with a dough blob challenging the "real" Blob for supremacy, your kitchen will be a disaster area and there is a fair-to-middlin' chance that you will never, ever get unstuck from your kitchen floor.  You will, unfortunately and judging by previous scenarios, be able to get to the phone (which you will now be stuck to.  Forever.) and call me up wanting to know how to fix it (impossible) and/or call me every name in the book interlaced with rude assumptions about my maternity and antecedents, along with accusations that I sabotaged the recipe.  No, you just can't follow directions and dire warnings.  No thanks.  I don't give it out anymore.

*"You" in this sentence refers to the general, and not particular, you.



Ooooh, now you've made me curious. Can you at least tell us what the recipe is for? I promise I won't ask for the recipe! I can't follow a recipe to save my life. All my cooking comes from my own imagination.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Fidgets on February 10, 2009, 10:49:46 AM
Nischi, it's for German Sour-cream Twists.  They're a cookie my Grandma and Mom always made for Christmas (don't ask me why--they were Swedish!).  It's a very soft, unsugared yeast dough.  The only sugar in them is when you roll it out and sprinkle the sugar between the layers.  You can only roll out as much as you need for 1 pan of cookies at a time.  If you try to do the whole batch at once, well, put together a starved yeast dough with sugar and a nice warm kitchen.   :o :o :o 

The dough grows at a tremendous rate and "weeps" sugar syrup as it grows and the sugar pulls moisture out of the dough.  So, if you make enough for, say, 30 or so dozen like my Mom's recipe calls for and you do all the dough at once.............eeeeeeeek!  If, as one former friend did, you try to "game" the system by putting the dough in the fridge after adding the sugar, you get a somewhat smaller, sugar-syrup-slimey-mess.  I feel like Tim the Enchanter..."I warned ye!  But, oh no, you wouldn't listen...."   ;)  A great cookie, though, especially warm out of the oven or rewarmed in the microwave, with a nice cup of hot chocolate.....mmmmmmmm......
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: caranfin on February 10, 2009, 11:24:13 AM
I feel like Tim the Enchanter..."I warned ye!  But, oh no, you wouldn't listen...."   ;) 

LOL! Death awaits you all! With big, nasty, sticky syrup!
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: little bird on February 10, 2009, 12:07:35 PM
Nischi, it's for German Sour-cream Twists.  They're a cookie my Grandma and Mom always made for Christmas (don't ask me why--they were Swedish!).  It's a very soft, unsugared yeast dough.  The only sugar in them is when you roll it out and sprinkle the sugar between the layers.  You can only roll out as much as you need for 1 pan of cookies at a time.  If you try to do the whole batch at once, well, put together a starved yeast dough with sugar and a nice warm kitchen.   :o :o :o 

The dough grows at a tremendous rate and "weeps" sugar syrup as it grows and the sugar pulls moisture out of the dough.  So, if you make enough for, say, 30 or so dozen like my Mom's recipe calls for and you do all the dough at once.............eeeeeeeek!  If, as one former friend did, you try to "game" the system by putting the dough in the fridge after adding the sugar, you get a somewhat smaller, sugar-syrup-slimey-mess.  I feel like Tim the Enchanter..."I warned ye!  But, oh no, you wouldn't listen...."   ;)  A great cookie, though, especially warm out of the oven or rewarmed in the microwave, with a nice cup of hot chocolate.....mmmmmmmm......

Oh wow, that sounds like a challenge.  Of course, that just makes me want this recipe even MORE.  ;)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Fidgets on February 10, 2009, 12:48:22 PM
If you want it, I'll post it in the "Recipes" section.  But.........

******WARNING******

Only sugar and "fold" as much dough as will fit in a pan at a time.

On the up side, none of you can call me!   ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Cz. Burrito on February 10, 2009, 01:01:37 PM
If you want it, I'll post it in the "Recipes" section.  But.........

******WARNING******

Only sugar and "fold" as much dough as will fit in a pan at a time.

On the up side, none of you can call me!   ;D

I am also intrigued (I googled for a recipe and see what you're talking about with the folding of the sugar and only doing it one pan at a time).  And I promise not to PM you if I mess it up by not following directions.   ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: little bird on February 10, 2009, 02:40:35 PM
If you want it, I'll post it in the "Recipes" section.  But.........

******WARNING******

Only sugar and "fold" as much dough as will fit in a pan at a time.

On the up side, none of you can call me!   ;D

I would love it.  And I promise, I won't even PM you.  If it works out fabulously and is delicious, I'll give you all the credit but if I do something stupid and screw it up, won't mention it at all.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Xallanthia on February 10, 2009, 02:57:36 PM
Fidgets... I am so intrigued by that recipe.  I am googling a few and I see what you mean by starved yeast.  However, they are all vague enough that I'm not sure I trust myself to do it properly on their directions!

When I give out my family's one true traditional recipe, I always include the warnings my mother passed down to me.  Having eaten a few of her attempts that went wrong (they were edible and still good, but not AMAZING), I can even tell the person what will go wrong if you take shortcuts.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Fidgets on February 10, 2009, 03:24:44 PM
It's posted in the "Recipes" section.  Have at it and enjoy!  I love them because they're sweet, but not too sweet. 

My poor Mom!  I remember for years, how she disliked my great-aunt, Ragna.  She'd hounded Mom and my Mom's mom (Grandma) for the recipe.  She (Ragna) was a Norwegian and thus real baker!  They (Mom and Grandma) didn't know squat since they were Swedish.  Ragna wound up with The Blob all over her kitchen...I don't know how much she'd multiplied the recipe by.  Counters covered in dough, floors covered in sugar syrup where the dough had wept.  Oh, man, she was cranked!  And, of course, it was all Mom's fault; she must have sabotaged the recipe somehow or other.  Mom owed her the cost of the wasted ingredients....selfish wretch...yadda-yadda.

The best part, the part that gave my Mom wild giggling fits, is that at a family dinner, Ragna was once again telling her tale of woe and perfidious nieces to my great-aunt, Svea, her sister-on-law (and a Swede).  Mom said when Ragna started telling about how her kitchen looked (with great dramatics and gestures), expecting some sympany from her SIL, Svea started roaring with laughter until she was crying.  And then, great-uncle John (Ragna's husband), nudged Ragna with his elbow and said, "I guess us Swedes must know something about baking you don't know!"  I think poor John may have wound up on the couch that night.   >:D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Fidgets on February 10, 2009, 03:27:03 PM
I feel like Tim the Enchanter..."I warned ye!  But, oh no, you wouldn't listen...."   ;) 

LOL! Death awaits you all! With big, nasty, sticky syrup!

 ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 10, 2009, 04:02:23 PM
Hahaha!  I think that's a great recipe to share with people who won't stop pestering you for recipes!  >:D
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: Bob Ducca on February 10, 2009, 05:53:39 PM
This reminds me of the time MIL asked one of her students for his mother's tamale recipe.

I should note that, here in Southeast Texas, many women of Mexican descent make money by making big batches of tamales and selling them.  Making tamales from scratch, the traditional way, is very difficult.

So, MIL asked for the recipe.  The next day the student brought it.  I have it in MIL's recipe box.  It starts with:

1 (one) cow's head

I don't think MIL got any farther than that.  And yes, many of the grocery stores in my town sell cow's, pig's, and sheep's head, out in the butcher case next to the ground beef.
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: baglady on February 10, 2009, 11:18:51 PM
Quote
if I give you* this particular recipe and you don't follow the directions ****exactly****, you are going to wind up with a dough blob challenging the "real" Blob for supremacy, your kitchen will be a disaster area and there is a fair-to-middlin' chance that you will never, ever get unstuck from your kitchen floor.  You will, unfortunately and judging by previous scenarios, be able to get to the phone (which you will now be stuck to.  Forever.) and call me up wanting to know how to fix it (impossible) and/or call me every name in the book interlaced with rude assumptions about my maternity and antecedents, along with accusations that I sabotaged the recipe.

Fidgets, thanks for that awesome imagery!

And [brief threadjack] thank you, everyone on this thread who reminded me about the importance of following recipes exactly. See, I've been taking some shortcuts recently and wondering why some of my creations aren't coming out as good as they used to. Example: For years I've been making my brownies by melting the butter in the microwave, and leaving out the vanilla -- because what difference is two teaspoons of vanilla going to make? And who has time to wait around for the darned butter to melt on the stove over low heat?

I just dug out the recipe and did it the old way -- slow melt and vanilla added. I made two batches of brownies and they are the best I've made in years. Little things really do mean a lot in baking!

Thanks also to the timing deity for letting me find this thread just before I had to start baking for the morris team's annual food sale at our local weekend dance festival.

[/end threadjack]
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: amanda_tlg on February 11, 2009, 09:45:53 AM
I have a new recipe for this thread - one I just found, and thus cannot claim it as my own work.

It is awesome, and easy:  I cooked it in an angel food cake pan, but a bundt pan would work, or even I bet cupcakes.

Take 1 basic yellow cake mix
add 1 small package chocolate - the darker the better - pudding
add 1/2 cup sugar

Mix all the dry ingredients together so their are no little yellow lumps left from the cake mix.
Set aside

Mix together 1/2 cup melted butter, 1 cup sour cream and 4 eggs, beaten.

Add 3/4 cup of water to the butter, sour cream and egg mixture.

Turn the oven to 350 degrees.

Mix the wet and dry together well.  Add 1 cup mini chocolate chips.

Pour into well oiled pan.  Bake for 60 minutes, checking the last twenty minutes to make sure the cake is done.

Remove for the oven, take from pan and sprinkle with powdered sugar.

This is so good, I think I will go have another piece.

Happy baking to everyone.

Made these this morning using cupcake pans. Only took about 25 min to cook that way, and made a huge batch. I think they are fine as is, but I know DH will want me to frost them the next time I make them. (Add I already doubled the amount of choc chips called for to make it sweeter)
Title: Re: People that WILL NOT share recipes
Post by: nekoro on May 07, 2009, 10:54:01 AM
I have a new recipe for this thread - one I just found, and thus cannot claim it as my own work.

It is awesome, and easy:  I cooked it in an angel food cake pan, but a bundt pan would work, or even I bet cupcakes.

Take 1 basic yellow cake mix
add 1 small package chocolate - the darker the better - pudding
add 1/2 cup sugar

Mix all the dry ingredients together so their are no little yellow lumps left from the cake mix.
Set aside

Mix together 1/2 cup melted butter, 1 cup sour cream and 4 eggs, beaten.

Add 3/4 cup of water to the butter, sour cream and egg mixture.

Turn the oven to 350 degrees.

Mix the wet and dry together well.  Add 1 cup mini chocolate chips.

Pour into well oiled pan.  Bake for 60 minutes, checking the last twenty minutes to make sure the cake is done.

Remove for the oven, take from pan and sprinkle with powdered sugar.

This is so good, I think I will go have another piece.

Happy baking to everyone.

This is almost exactly the same cake that Grandma found a couple of years ago, and my family has been raving ever since!

Our version just uses oil instead of butter, no extra sugar, and we just toss everything into one bowl and mix until done.  We also double the chocolate chips.  Then we put it in a bundt cake pan that looks like a castle.  For birthdays, put candles in the turrets.

The nice thing is that you can use any kind of cake/pudding mix, and get a different cake each time.  (Once I made it with yellow cake, butterscotch pudding, and dark chocolate chips.  Mmmmmmm.)