Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => "I'm afraid that won't be possible." => Topic started by: loopey2u on November 29, 2007, 08:07:17 PM

Title: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: loopey2u on November 29, 2007, 08:07:17 PM
I am in a situation and trying to tread lightly and not hurt feelings, but I think only a blunt and almost rude NO is going to get me out of it.

HELP!!

My daughters Brownie leader, whom I have only met one month ago and do not consider a friend by any means, has asked me to watch her child every Sunday from 6 a.m. till Monday morning while she works.   

Monday morning I would be responsible for getting her daughter off to school, along with my other two girls since her mother won't get home till after she leaves.  She will be having breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks at my home, and will have to shower and do homework here as well.

Mom is a paramedic, and works 24 hour shifts.  Thid third shift she's working is all overtime, since two shifts already gave her 48 hours on the clock.

Her current babysitter is tired of watching her daughter, (for free, which I heard through the grapevine at the school) so she asked me to do it.  For free.  No money was ever discussed while we talked about the arrangements.  I kept waiting for her to bring it up, but she never did.  If she offered even 20.00 I might have considered it, but to assume that I would do it for free when I don't even know her really ticked me off.

I don't want to watch her daughter.  Sunday is the only day all of us are home together, unless I'm working the occasional Sunday, and I try to make it nice for all of us.  We usually watch a movie together or do something else, and I don't want another person here that is not family or close friend.

Another reason is that Sunday is the only day we really get to sleep in, and I don't want to give that up for an acquaintence. For a good friend like my neighbors I'd do it no questions asked, but for a stranger no way.

My hubby works long hours, and Sunday is his day to "veg", and he won't feel comfortable with a strange kid here either.

The mother called me today wondering if I "was still" (assuming incorrectly that I was) going to watch her daughter on Sundays, and I told her no, that we wouldn't be able to.  She then tried to get me to watch her from 6 a.m. till 3 p.m. every other Sunday, and to tell my hubby that he'd only have to watch her till 3 if I had to work that day.  I told her I'd talk it over with hubby.

The pushiness is getting to me.  She's already hit me up to be co-leader of the Brownie troop once a month, and the cookie mom for the troop since nobody else has volunteered.  I don't mind helping out at all, but I feel like this lady will suck the life out of me if I let her have another inch/hour of my time.

Help with responses to the babysitting please.

No is just not working. 

The mother that asked me to babysit also has a mother that lives nearby but is "unavailable" to babysit her grandaughter.  I didn't ask particular reasons why, but I'm assuming they're not on good terms.

 
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: jimithing on November 29, 2007, 08:35:52 PM
Lather, rinse, repeat.  This is insane. 

Are you willing to do it for compensation and if you were paid?  If so, I would tell her that you will be willing to do it for however much you are, but you will not do it for free.  No ifs, ands, or buts. 
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: ShadesOfGrey on November 29, 2007, 08:38:23 PM
why isnt No working? Did you ever directly tell her "No?" more than once? From your post, I dont get the impression that you did, so I dont really see where it's being directly refuted by her. 

The first time she asked (before she called) did you tell her directly that you dont want to do it/it wont be possible? Or did you leave it up in the air/not give any kind of direct answer?

The second time, you said you'd talk to your hubby, again, this isnt really a direct "No."  It's leaving it open for opportunity.

Granted, she's pushy, and clearly cant take a hint (your apparent hesitation), but you've really just got to be a bit more assertive about your "No." in this case, I think.
My advice? Dont wait for her to call.  Call her back and just say "BTL, I wanted to let you know that I've discussed it with my husband, and we will not be able to watch your daughter for any amount of time on sunday.  No, I'm sorry, it wont be possible. Sorry, wish I could help, but I cant.  Nope, sorry." etc. etc.  DO NOT give a reason.  Just tell her it wont be possible.  Even if she asks directly why not (she sounds like the type to do this), just avoid the question by repeating the mantras above. 

Good luck! Let us know how it goes. 
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: Lisbeth on November 29, 2007, 08:42:47 PM
I think in this case you need to repeat your "no" more forcefully: "Julie, I'm sorry, but as I said, this won't be possible.  I've discussed this with my husband, and we are not going to be available.  We really need not to be asked anymore."
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: loopey2u on November 29, 2007, 09:25:03 PM
We really need not be asked anymore is the tough part.

I know her schedule is tough, but a paramedic is what she's chosen to be.

To expect people to watch your child for free is a little beyond entitlement if you ask me.  Especially since the shifts
she's working are overtime pay shifts.  Expecting other people to watch your kid for free is just entitlement in itself and I will not condone/tolerate it.  2.00 an hour is not an unacepptable rate for a child that's self-sufficient.  I was not offered anything at all.

I am just going to tell her that "No, we will not be available to watch your child at those hours" next time she calls and see what happens.

Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: breny on November 29, 2007, 09:58:06 PM
I wouldn't say "at those hours" because that implies you would be available at some time other than "those hours."

I know it's hard and you're trying to "soften" the blow.  Repeat after me, "No is a complete sentence." 

"No, we won't be able to watch your daughter."  PERIOD. 
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: freakyfemme on November 29, 2007, 10:03:22 PM

The mother that asked me to babysit also has a mother that lives nearby but is "unavailable" to babysit her grandaughter.  I didn't ask particular reasons why, but I'm assuming they're not on good terms.
 

Ooh, alarm bells......I smell a brat.   :P
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: loopey2u on November 30, 2007, 06:38:33 AM
Hahaa, you've got a GREAT sense of smell Freaky.

You should see this kid at the Brownie meetings.  She pouts if she doesn't get her way, clings all over her mother and disrupts the whole meeting and her mother doesn't do anything.  Not somebody I really want my daughter to hang around with much if you KWIM.

I am going to work up my courage and call her today and nicely let her know we will not be available at all.

Thanks, all.  I hate doing this kind of stuff, and am still feeling like I am a meanie for not helping out, but I just don't want to do it.
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: ShadesOfGrey on November 30, 2007, 06:56:08 AM
I am going to work up my courage and call her today and nicely let her know we will not be available at all.

Thanks, all.  I hate doing this kind of stuff, and am still feeling like I am a meanie for not helping out, but I just don't want to do it.

To the first bolded part: yay! good for you.  That's exactly what we're here for. 

To the second: Let me (and others) reassure you - you are NOT a meanie.  This is appropriate boundary-setting.*  Your response is normal, rational and you can rest comfortably in the realm of still being a kind and generous person.


*This is not someone you are close to who is in a pinch, or even any kind of extenuating circumstances.  This is someone looking for free babysitting....
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: Shortcake on November 30, 2007, 09:08:10 AM
I am going to work up my courage and call her today and nicely let her know we will not be available at all.

Thanks, all.  I hate doing this kind of stuff, and am still feeling like I am a meanie for not helping out, but I just don't want to do it.

To the first bolded part: yay! good for you.  That's exactly what we're here for. 

To the second: Let me (and others) reassure you - you are NOT a meanie.  This is appropriate boundary-setting.*  Your response is normal, rational and you can rest comfortably in the realm of still being a kind and generous person.


*This is not someone you are close to who is in a pinch, or even any kind of extenuating circumstances.  This is someone looking for free babysitting....

ITA with this advise. I also think it would be a good idea to say, "I can't do it, so please stop asking."
It sounds like this woman has burned all her bridges. From my experience, people like that do suck the life out of you, and then they move to the next victim.
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: I'mnotinsane on November 30, 2007, 03:01:44 PM
Practice, practice, practice what you will say before you call.  Say it out loud several times. 

And give us an update...
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: mzgently on November 30, 2007, 03:41:27 PM

I agree with all the just say no input.  Plus, who wants to have a kid that acts like that around all day on your day off?

On a GS note...it's against the org rules to be both coleader and cookie mom.  You can double check with the local service unit and council, but it is emphasized to us in the mandatory training (for leaders and coleaders) every year that you MUST have two different adults fill those roles.   If this is an existing troop I'm surprised she had any parents/girls return at all.

DG
'glad to be coleader but you couldn't pay me to be cookie mom  :o '
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: lamorevincera on November 30, 2007, 04:21:56 PM
I agree with everyone else - make sure she knows that under no circumstances will you be watching her daughter. You're not being unreasonable; SHE'S the one who's attempting to trample all over your boundaries.

Two thoughts: DO NOT answer your doorbell if it rings that morning, and I'd leave outside lights off as well. Prepare to hear your phone going off, and ignore that as well.

Also, if this woman is the troop leader, I wouldn't *ever* volunteer in any capacity. If she's willing to do this with your time now, can you imagine what you're gonna be in for if you sign up to help the troop?
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: loopey2u on November 30, 2007, 06:06:18 PM
Well I called her, and just told her that I'm sorry, but we wouldn't be able to help her out at all and wished her luck with finding a babysitter.

No excuses, no promises of being a backup should the other sitters fall through.  Nothing. 

She said she's going to try some of the other moms of girls in the troop and see if any of them will be willing to do it.

Heh.  Good luck.   >:D 

Quote
*This is not someone you are close to who is in a pinch, or even any kind of extenuating circumstances.  This is someone looking for free babysitting....

Thank you Rdge.  If it were somebody I was close to who was in a pinch or somebody who wouldn't be able to buy food if they couldn't work, I would do it in a hearbeat and not think twice about it.  This lady was trying to take advantage. 
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: Real Live Mermaids! on December 03, 2007, 07:23:05 AM
Some Girl Scout leaders take the "community" thing a little too far.

(Don't jump all over me, I was a GS leader for four years!)

My co-leader tried to pull the same crap on me, except she wanted me to watch her brat EVERY morning!
This was about 10 years ago, when my kids were younger (9, 7, and 4 at the time).

She was actually offended when I said no! 

Good for you loopey. It's experiences like this that steel up your backbone.  Next time it will be much easier (and more empowering) to say no.  Remember, no one takes advantage of you without your permission.

Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: Zefrem23 on December 06, 2007, 08:05:24 AM
"I don't know you, you're not my friend, I'm not a professional babysitter, and you're not offering me any money. So no, I won't be watching your child for you. Hire a nanny. Goodbye."
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: Ciarrai on December 07, 2007, 02:49:37 PM
"I don't know you, you're not my friend, I'm not a professional babysitter, and you're not offering me any money. So no, I won't be watching your child for you. Hire a nanny. Goodbye."

I hope you wouldn't actually say this to someone. While being forceful is often necessary, it's possible to couch it in much politer terms than this.
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: Minmom3 on December 07, 2007, 07:08:34 PM

I agree with all the just say no input.  Plus, who wants to have a kid that acts like that around all day on your day off?

On a GS note...it's against the org rules to be both coleader and cookie mom.  You can double check with the local service unit and council, but it is emphasized to us in the mandatory training (for leaders and coleaders) every year that you MUST have two different adults fill those roles.   If this is an existing troop I'm surprised she had any parents/girls return at all.

DG
'glad to be coleader but you couldn't pay me to be cookie mom  :o '


BEEN the cookie mom...  Ask me how many extra cases I had to buy for US because DH dug into them.  >:(   We didn't have a garage, so they were sitting in the living room, calling his name...  Personally, I don't think being the cookie mom is any worse than being a mom of a Brownie that has to sell cookies!  I HATED going door to door with my daughter to sell cookies.  Hated it with a  fiery passion.  Wasn't too fond of  sitting outside the market with them either.  None of it was fun, and I was thrilled when my kids opted out of girls scouts and went into 4-H.   ;D
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: Texas Mom on December 08, 2007, 12:24:45 PM
Look for a new brownie troop to put your DD in, ASAP.  Call the council office & ask them for a referral to one.  If they ask what is going on, tell them.

Then you won't have any reason to have contact with this woman.

You don't want to be "cookie mom."  BTDT
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on December 09, 2007, 07:58:32 AM
"I don't know you, you're not my friend, I'm not a professional babysitter, and you're not offering me any money. So no, I won't be watching your child for you. Hire a nanny. Goodbye."

Oh, come on, Zefrem, you would never say that to someone like that. You would put it in much politer terms - but that's what it would mean, heh.  ;D

I remember many years back, a cousin of mine wanted my aunt to watch her children for her every single afternoon after school for hours... also for free. My aunt said no; it would have tied her down to her house, and she wasn't close to those family members anyway (in fact, she did not even get invited to weddings, functions, etc. that they were having, but they suddenly remembered her existence when they needed free babysitting). The cousin's father (i.e. my aunt's BIL) stopped talking to this aunt and her husband. He said he had to "side with his daughter". EXCUSE ME? "Side with" her? She wanted babysitting for free from some she didn't associate with otherwise; my aunt was perfectly within her rights to say no!

OTOH, this same aunt had quite the double standard. When they moved into a house opposite our primary school, I made the joking statement, "Oh, we could come here after school!" My aunt went ultra-sonic (a la Monica in Friends) and said, "WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS PLACE IS, A HALFWAY HOUSE?!!" Then a couple of years later both of her children enrolled in the high school across the road from our house. Guess what she asked? Yup - if her children could come over to our house in the afternoons! My mother said yes. I would have said NO and not felt one bit guilty.
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: nliedel on December 09, 2007, 08:45:48 AM
My neighbor is pulling a similar stunt and I don't have the guts to say no. Good for you, OP. Maybe your cajone's will leap out of the computer and give me boost of courage, cause I really have to pull the plug here and I am too darn chicken.

ETA: it does not matter why you say no. You don't have to justify it. You could be home squshing your dryer lint into artistic shapes, and it would not matter one wit. If you don't want to watch someone else's child, for whatever reason, then you do not have to. End of story. Don't feel you have to even justify it to yourself. Family time is so important and, to me, Sunday night is sacred.
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: POF on December 09, 2007, 09:05:27 AM
I am kind of on the position of the asker - but very differently. DH and I work opposite shifts so that we have childcare coverage for the boys. DH works nights - I have a professional level day job. DH just got tapped for State Grand Jury. It's 3 months - at a courthouse 45 minutes away. Because of his schedule - he will not be able to work those days it convenes ( there goes our budget - his company does not compensate for jury duty )  - and it creates havoc with childcare.

I can go into work late and put the boys on the bus. We are looking for a high school girl ( who we would pay ) to get them off the bus and supervise for 2 hours until one of us gets home. They are well behaved and would spend that time in homework.

Neighbor Dad i( good friends with  ) is also home at 3:30 and he generously offered to watch the boys first week or two until DH figured out schedule with the grand jury ( it's not every day ) and until we landed on a sitter.  I feel a little presumptious - but - we have done the same for them when needed ...... and I will definitely be getting them a nice restaurant gift card.  Plus the boys play at each others houses from 3:15 until 4:45 4 days a week - so it's kind of in the same situation.  I actually have their boys all afternoon today to decorate cookies and make some presents for Mom and Dad.

If all else falls through - my boss will let me work some flexitime ands some hours from home.  But I am absolutely flabberghast that someone would just assume that you would watch their child for free. ......
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: Zefrem23 on December 09, 2007, 09:11:15 AM
"I don't know you, you're not my friend, I'm not a professional babysitter, and you're not offering me any money. So no, I won't be watching your child for you. Hire a nanny. Goodbye."

Oh, come on, Zefrem, you would never say that to someone like that. You would put it in much politer terms - but that's what it would mean, heh.  ;D

Actually I would say it like that, in just those words, but then again that's just me. I don't see the need to mollycoddle people on the grounds that people might take offense; people *do not* have a right not to be offended, especially when they're behaving in a way that needs a short sharp shock to let them know how selfish they're being. Let's not mistake 'etiquette' for 'elaborate ways to avoid causing offense', because that way lies madness and death.

Of course if people *want* to be doormats and walked all over by rude, selfish people, then that's entirely their prerogative.
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on December 09, 2007, 11:16:01 AM
Of course if people *want* to be doormats and walked all over by rude, selfish people, then that's entirely their prerogative.

I think the problem that a lot of non-rude people have, is that we get so shocked by rudeness (whether it's someone you hardly know asking you to watch their child, attacking you for no reason, yelling, whatever) that we don't know what to do and just agree out of reflex not to cause the rude person to display more of the rude behaviour. Which is wrong, but it's a hard mindset to get out of.
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: Zefrem23 on December 09, 2007, 01:31:01 PM
[...] we don't know what to do and just agree out of reflex not to cause the rude person to display more of the rude behaviour. Which is wrong, but it's a hard mindset to get out of.

What continually blows my mind is how people would rather avoid any direct unpleasantness that will be over immediataly, preferring instead to suffer others' appalling behaviour for days, weeks, months, heck - even YEARS - just so they can feel like they're being the better person. Better according to whose standards, is what I ask?

I don't actually think there's an award for "held the moral high ground most often"....
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on December 09, 2007, 02:07:01 PM
I don't actually think there's an award for "held the moral high ground most often"....

But there should be.  ;)

OT: I like your sig pic. Especially the fish with feet.
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: loopey2u on December 11, 2007, 07:45:21 PM
Quote
What continually blows my mind is how people would rather avoid any direct unpleasantness that will be over immediataly, preferring instead to suffer others' appalling behaviour for days, weeks, months, heck - even YEARS - just so they can feel like they're being the better person. Better according to whose standards, is what I ask?

Heh, you're funny.  The person you describe above would be called a martyr, which I am not and have no intention on becoming.

The feeling of being the better person never even crossed my mind, and the idea of preferring to suffer rather than say no to other peoples demands is rediculous.

Sometimes certain situations require different types of responses. Obviously the charm school you went to didn't teach you that.
 >:D

If this were a random stranger asking me to watch her daughter for free I wouldn't hesitate to say no.  The asker is someboy that I will have to deal with on a semi-regular basis, and the need to tread gently is only because I don't like strained social situations.  The idea from your quote that any direct unpleasantness would be over immediately does not apply here.

Your response is just outright rude, and I hope you were joking that you would actually tell somebody that when you posted it. 

POF, you're in a different situation, and I'm sure your neighbor doesn't mind watching your kids until you find permanent arrangements because you WILL find permanent arrangements.  Sounds like your kids play their a lot anyways and vice-versa so it's really not a big deal.

Nliedel, I hope my cajones jumped out and gave you the courage to say no to your neighbor.  It's hard, but sometimes you gotta do it.

Keep us posted.

Edited for punctuation.
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: Imaginatrix on December 12, 2007, 08:03:16 AM
I'd probably have done the same as Zefrem, to be perfectly honest. Sometimes, people just EXPECT you to do things for them because you're of the same gender/ nationality/ whatever, and then walk all over you when you give in to your politeness training and do it once expecting them to leave you alone afterwards.

Personally, I think telling them to GO. AWAY. is better than doing what you're asked but with resentment and bad grace, and hating yourself for giving in the whole time.

(And before you ask - yes, I AM from the gutter and proud of it. :P)
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: ncp on December 12, 2007, 01:44:32 PM
Oh boy, this reminds me of a time I got in BIG, MAJOR trouble with my parents when I was... oh, 10 years old or so.

My vocal music teacher had a son about the same age as my brother. When she found out that my brother took art classes at an art school near our house, she decided to enroll her son in it as well. Now my music teacher lived about 20 minutes away from our house, and the art school was about 20 minutes in the other direction. I don't know how this arrangement was reached, but somehow, my parents (probably my father, who cannot say "no" to anyone), agreed to pick the son up from the art school along with my brother, and the two of them could play together for a few hours until my music teacher could come to our house to pick up her son. I'm guessing my teacher probably had lessons around that time and couldn't pick her son up or something, and my father offered to do her a favor.

This arrangement continued for a few weeks, and everyone seemed to be happy -- my brother got a playmate for a few hours on the weekends and the son was safe and taken care of. Then one day, my mother complained to me, sort of offhandedly, that she found the whole thing really inconvenient. See, my father was perfectly happy doing my music teacher a favor by picking up her son and watching him for a few hours, except he wasn't doing the watching. He would drop the kids home and go back to the office, leaving my mother to supervise four young kids for several hours on a Saturday (my father worked shorter hours during the week and made it up on weekends so he could watch us kids because my mom was in school. Also, my father's picture is in the dictionary next to the entry for "workaholic"). So she couldn't go to the grocery store or run any errands or visit friends or work on her thesis until the kid got picked up.

Being the genius that I was, I though I'd help my mother out. At my next music lesson, I told my teacher that my parents didn't really mind watching her son, but "they didn't like the idea of it". I got severely yelled at the ENTIRE way home by my father for my rudeness. Then we got home, and my mother yelled at me even more.

The upshot of it was that my music teacher asked ANOTHER friend of hers to come to our house right after the art school got out and pick her son up right away. I don't think the kid took any more art lessons after that semester was over.
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: Ant V on December 18, 2007, 02:54:14 PM
Well if you have a child in the Brownie Troop you do owe something to the troop in some form or the other.  There's a lot of work to being leaders in Boy and Girl Scouts and all parents should help in the effort.  If you volunteer to help more with the troop, it might relieve some of her pressures.  I would tell her no on the baby sitting but help her more with the troop.  It almost sounds like she's desperate for day care. 
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: bopper on December 20, 2007, 08:31:02 PM
Would you mind doing it if you were paid?  Maybe you could say "Leader, I don't mind helping you out once in a while, but if this is going to be a regular babysitting job I charge $50/day" (that is less than $2 per hour).
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: clairesmom77 on December 30, 2007, 08:57:47 AM
Good for the OP.  On top of the mother's entitled attitude, why would she want to leave her child overnight on a regular basis with someone she barely knows?  That's strange, IMO.

Also, I know the OP has already taken care of the problem, but there are real financial considerations to babysitting in one's home. 

One is taxes.  The mother (if paying the sitter) may want to claim her child care expenses on her taxes. This means that she will report the sitter's SSN to the IRS, which will make the sitter have to declare her earnings and pay self-employment tax, which can be close to 50%.

The other is insurance.  If babysitting in one's home, be sure to check your homeowner's policy.  Babysitting could be considered a business by some homeowner's policies, and so if the sitter got sued by a parent, the policy may not pay.  Additional insurance could be needed. 

It's really not as simple as the mom dropping the kid off and tolerating watching someone else's kid.

Gina
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: MrsO on December 30, 2007, 09:32:29 AM
What's really surprised me is that Girlscoutleader is willing to leave her child with practically a complete stranger overnight. She's known you a month, for crying out loud! I don't think i'd let my kids play unsupervised at a strangers house, let alone sleep overnight. (no offense, OP, i'm sure you're perfectly responsible and capable of looking after her daughter  :P . What I mean is SHE doesn't know that you are.)
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: 25wishes on December 30, 2007, 01:40:22 PM
Would you mind doing it if you were paid?  Maybe you could say "Leader, I don't mind helping you out once in a while, but if this is going to be a regular babysitting job I charge $50/day" (that is less than $2 per hour).
I agree with this approach, but would say, my regular rate is $10. hour. Guarantee you wouldn't get the job...
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: makasha21 on January 07, 2008, 04:39:48 PM
Quote
What continually blows my mind is how people would rather avoid any direct unpleasantness that will be over immediataly, preferring instead to suffer others' appalling behaviour for days, weeks, months, heck - even YEARS - just so they can feel like they're being the better person. Better according to whose standards, is what I ask?

Heh, you're funny.  The person you describe above would be called a martyr, which I am not and have no intention on becoming.

The feeling of being the better person never even crossed my mind, and the idea of preferring to suffer rather than say no to other peoples demands is rediculous.

Heh, this exchange reminds me of that Dolly Parton movie, "Straight Talk," where Dolly gets a job as a radio shrink, only the radio station mistook her "doctor" status. She tells one caller to "get down off the cross, honey, somebody needs the wood!"  Love that line!  >:D
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: Optimoose Prime on January 08, 2008, 10:03:09 PM
I've always wondered why those who ask these things are so surprised when you say no.

I was asked by a mom at karate if I could pick up her child from school and take her to karate.  Ummmm, no.  She was genuinely surprised and had a litany of reasons why she couldn't take the girl herself.

Now I would have considered it if I even knew them apart from the karate lobby.  I always thought it was odd to ask an almost complete stranger to take your kid somewhere.
Title: Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
Post by: andrea007 on January 23, 2008, 09:36:05 AM
"She then tried to get me to watch her from 6 a.m. till 3 p.m. every other Sunday, and to tell my hubby that he'd only have to watch her till 3 if I had to work that day.  I told her I'd talk it over with hubby."

Uh Oh. That wasn't NO. You got her hopes up again. Now you have to start all over again.

Just say: "For the last time Mrs Brownie Queen, I WILL NOT babysit your daughter over the weekend, any time. WEEKENDS ARE MY FAMILY TIME. Please do not raise this issue again."

If she continues to bug you, you may have to cut bait. Because it will mean she has a mental/emotional disorder.
And would you ever want her to be responsible for your daughter on a  field trip?
For all the work you are doing you could start your own Brownie troop.