Etiquette Hell

Hostesses With The Mostest => Entertaining and Hospitality => Topic started by: Ondine on February 05, 2007, 04:20:36 PM

Title: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Ondine on February 05, 2007, 04:20:36 PM

I have a question that I hope most of you can help me with. If I am at someone's house and they serve something that I cannot eat, how do I politely decline the offer? I am not talking about something that I cannot eat due to special dietary restrictions - just something that I really do not like in general. I hate rice pudding with a passion (it makes me gag), but what happens in a situation where I'm invited over to a friend's house for supper, and rice pudding is served for dessert? I don't want to accept the pudding for fear that the host/hostess might urge me to take seconds, but I don't want to seem rude either. How do I deal with this problem?
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: FoxPaws on February 05, 2007, 04:34:32 PM
Do a variation of the bean dip response: "Oh none for me, thanks. By the way, that bean dip you served was wonderful, is it your own recipe?" Repeat as necessary.

Don't go into an explanation about why you won't eat it, or make a production out of refusing. A simple no works best.

Any insistence that you try it after that is rudeness on the hostess' part.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: freakyfemme on February 05, 2007, 04:56:10 PM
You could say that you're already stuffed full with all the wonderful food that the hostess served for the main course, and you simply have no room for dessert.  By the way, for what it's worth, I hate rice pudding too.  Rice is NOT a dessert food, and putting it in a pudding with raisins doesn't make it one.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Squeaks on February 05, 2007, 04:57:28 PM
Start with no thank you

Repeat no thank you

Change the subject

Repeat not thank you


If they push say you are not a fan (or it does not agree with you) of x - the more generic the better. (for me i do not like pie - I will not eat it - if offered a slice of apple, pumpkin – whatever, I am not going to say I don’t like that specific pie I am going to say I don’t like pie)  the more generic you can be the less insulting you are. 

No thank you should be sufficient, but I say if they want to push, be honest, and be unapologetic (about your dislike) you are entitled to dislike something, and if they want an answer give it to them.  Don’t feel guilty, but also assure them it is not their fault, and you are not offended, and you are perfectly comfortable with your preferences and situations – assure them that they are still a wonderful host.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Lisbeth on February 05, 2007, 04:58:02 PM
A simple "No, thank you" should suffice.

Lather, rinse, repeat.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: guihong on February 05, 2007, 07:36:37 PM
If it happens to be a common source of a food allergy (anything based on eggs, nuts, mushrooms, fish, etc.) you could always pull that card out.  I wish I was assertive enough just to say "no, thank you"  ::).

gui
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: merkay on February 05, 2007, 07:43:38 PM
Personally, I would just eat a little bit, and then say I'm full. 

I really dislike pumpkin, but I've been in 2 situations where pumpkin was served, once as a soup and once as a pie.  In both cases, I ate as much as I could stomach and then claimed to be full.  In both cases, it was so the host would not feel bad about serving something I didn't like.  I know that both hosts would have felt horrible, after having spent time preparing something they were proud of, if I told them I didn't want any. 
It wasn't going to kill me, and I thought the host's feeling were more important than my food preferences. 
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Sophia on February 05, 2007, 11:11:03 PM
I don't know.  I follow the 'eat a little bit' philosophy generally.  But, I have a weak stomach, and with some things I might end up making a mad dash to the restroom.  Or at minimum turning various shades of green.  I suspect that this is the level of discust OP has with rice pudding.  I usually just say that "No thank you" and if pressed say, "It has made me ill in the past".   

With dessert, it is easier to say No than with entrees.  I ran into that when in Taiwan on business.  It seems that in all the lunch trays and in all the 7-11 stores there were the aged deviled eggs, I forget their name.  I read that traditionally the eggs were buried in a pot soaked in urine.  They probably aren't anymore, but there was no way I was eating any food that touched those eggs.  I just tried to convince my co-workers that I just didn't eat much for lunch. 
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Squeaks on February 06, 2007, 08:16:05 AM
Personally, I would just eat a little bit, and then say I'm full. 

I really dislike pumpkin, but I've been in 2 situations where pumpkin was served, once as a soup and once as a pie.  In both cases, I ate as much as I could stomach and then claimed to be full.  In both cases, it was so the host would not feel bad about serving something I didn't like.  I know that both hosts would have felt horrible, after having spent time preparing something they were proud of, if I told them I didn't want any. 
It wasn't going to kill me, and I thought the host's feeling were more important than my food preferences. 

What if the food always induce a strong gag reflex? Is it really less insulting to eat some but be retching and gagging and coughing the entire time and end up with wet red eyes?  See to me that is more of an insult than turning it down

If it is something I can pick at (like maybe a pasta with veggies in it) I can pick around it, but if the entire dish is something that disagrees with me – I really can’t eat any without unintentionally causing a scene.

For what it is worth I have a very strong gag reflex to soft mushy foods – my mom said it goes back to when I was a baby – so any veggies, fruit or beans are pretty much instant convulsions.  I don’t know why, it just happens.

I would try something around people that know how I am  - but with acquaintances I just think it is inappropriate to have physical signs of my dislike manifested at the dinner table. And no it is not something I can control. 

I am mostly just curious – is there ever a point (short of severe allergies) that you would say it would be more rude (or just wrong or silly) to try to eat some? Or do you figure its best to try and then whatever happens happens even if it rather obvious.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: HogwartsAlum on February 06, 2007, 09:44:26 AM
I just say, "No, thanks, it doesn't agree with me," and people mostly just assume it bothers my tummy so they don't push it.  If it's pizza with mushrooms (which I can't stand), I usually pick off the mushrooms and give them to someone who likes them.  Since I sometimes feel like I'm the only one in the universe that doesn't like them, there are usually lots of takers.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: twinkletoes on February 06, 2007, 09:47:34 AM
My husband is a picky eater, and he gets around the issue by saying "it looks delicious, but I can't eat (food)."  It's true because, well, he can't eat it without getting queasy over the taste/texture!  People just assume he has an allergy, and they don't press him.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: merkay on February 06, 2007, 10:18:55 AM
Personally, I would just eat a little bit, and then say I'm full. 

I really dislike pumpkin, but I've been in 2 situations where pumpkin was served, once as a soup and once as a pie.  In both cases, I ate as much as I could stomach and then claimed to be full.  In both cases, it was so the host would not feel bad about serving something I didn't like.  I know that both hosts would have felt horrible, after having spent time preparing something they were proud of, if I told them I didn't want any. 
It wasn't going to kill me, and I thought the host's feeling were more important than my food preferences. 


I am mostly just curious – is there ever a point (short of severe allergies) that you would say it would be more rude (or just wrong or silly) to try to eat some? Or do you figure its best to try and then whatever happens happens even if it rather obvious.


If it will make you sick, of course you shouldn't eat it.  But, if you just don't like it, I say suck it up and be polite, or eat around it.  Sour Cream in large quantities makes me gag, so I usually just eat around a big pile of Sour Cream, or push it to the side of the plate. 
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Clara Bow on February 06, 2007, 10:21:51 AM
You get lucky when it's a dessert item (like my stepmother in law's positively gruesome fruitcake *shiver*). You can say "Oh my gosh, *insert meal* was so good and I ate way too much. I couldn't possibly eat another bite!" When it's during the meal itself, just don't take a serving of the offending item, or just leave it on your plate. I don't question my guests if they do not partake, I will present more than one side dish just in case. As far as entrees, I ask my guest directly before they come over to tell me what they do not eat so that I won't make it. If your host was not able to do that, then just politely decline, eat what you can that is there and be sure to compliment what you enjoyed.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Evil Duckie on February 06, 2007, 10:31:08 AM
I have used the good old fashion- "No thank you" and when I have been quizzed about it I use the old stand by- "It doesn't agree with me".

I don't pull out the allergy excuse because we have a food allergy in the family and I don't want to make it seem less than it is.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: MerryRaven on February 06, 2007, 10:42:00 AM
A "no thank you" should be sufficient.  It is rude to continue to urge guests to eat or drink something they have politely refused or demand an explaination of them.

Just continue to say "no thank you".

If you are asked for an explaination (very rude) you can say "I would just rather not right now, thank you anyway."

If someone presists after that just look at your watch say "Oh, I am so sorry I have to go."  Or change the subject.

This works with everyone but my mother who feels that if she is not feeding her children, she is not showing love, but she is not offended if I just keep saying "no thank you"  she is just persistant with the offers.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Squeaks on February 06, 2007, 10:43:44 AM
Personally, I would just eat a little bit, and then say I'm full. 

I really dislike pumpkin, but I've been in 2 situations where pumpkin was served, once as a soup and once as a pie.  In both cases, I ate as much as I could stomach and then claimed to be full.  In both cases, it was so the host would not feel bad about serving something I didn't like.  I know that both hosts would have felt horrible, after having spent time preparing something they were proud of, if I told them I didn't want any. 
It wasn't going to kill me, and I thought the host's feeling were more important than my food preferences. 


I am mostly just curious – is there ever a point (short of severe allergies) that you would say it would be more rude (or just wrong or silly) to try to eat some? Or do you figure its best to try and then whatever happens happens even if it rather obvious.


If it will make you sick, of course you shouldn't eat it.  But, if you just don't like it, I say suck it up and be polite, or eat around it.  Sour Cream in large quantities makes me gag, so I usually just eat around a big pile of Sour Cream, or push it to the side of the plate. 




So retching and gagging at someone’s cooking is acceptable and the polite thing to do? Wow I always thought that it would be seen as an insult to be visible that disgusted by what you eat. 

Ok I’ll keep that in mind in the future. I just thought if it is polite to excuse yourself if you need to cry, then it would be likewise not to have your eyes tear up at the dinner table.

Guess I just have to suck it up from now on and eat it no matter how miserable it makes me.

Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: bopper on February 06, 2007, 12:25:02 PM
I hate bananas.

I would say, "Oh, that looks so good, but I am *not* a banana person."
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: TheaterDiva1 on February 06, 2007, 12:29:52 PM
You could say that you're already stuffed full with all the wonderful food that the hostess served for the main course, and you simply have no room for dessert.

I've done the opposite - especially when I know there's a homemade dessert coming.  "I want to save room for that chocolate mousse I've been hearing about!"
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: merkay on February 06, 2007, 12:43:44 PM
Personally, I would just eat a little bit, and then say I'm full. 

I really dislike pumpkin, but I've been in 2 situations where pumpkin was served, once as a soup and once as a pie.  In both cases, I ate as much as I could stomach and then claimed to be full.  In both cases, it was so the host would not feel bad about serving something I didn't like.  I know that both hosts would have felt horrible, after having spent time preparing something they were proud of, if I told them I didn't want any. 
It wasn't going to kill me, and I thought the host's feeling were more important than my food preferences. 


I am mostly just curious – is there ever a point (short of severe allergies) that you would say it would be more rude (or just wrong or silly) to try to eat some? Or do you figure its best to try and then whatever happens happens even if it rather obvious.


If it will make you sick, of course you shouldn't eat it.  But, if you just don't like it, I say suck it up and be polite, or eat around it.  Sour Cream in large quantities makes me gag, so I usually just eat around a big pile of Sour Cream, or push it to the side of the plate. 




So retching and gagging at someone’s cooking is acceptable and the polite thing to do? Wow I always thought that it would be seen as an insult to be visible that disgusted by what you eat. 

Ok I’ll keep that in mind in the future. I just thought if it is polite to excuse yourself if you need to cry, then it would be likewise not to have your eyes tear up at the dinner table.

Guess I just have to suck it up from now on and eat it no matter how miserable it makes me.



Okay, this is not what I was saying, at all.  Like I said, if it makes you sick, don't eat it.  If it doesn't make you sick, work around it or eat a few bites.  I don't like pumpkin but I can eat a few bites without retching or gagging and making a big scene.  My only point is that if the host is proud of what they have made, trying a few bites is a polite thing to do. 

If you don't think the host will be hurt or feel bad, go ahead and say you don't want any.  I just think having a few bites is a good way to show the host that you appreciate the effort they made in trying to please you. 
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Squeaks on February 06, 2007, 12:57:18 PM


Okay, this is not what I was saying, at all.  Like I said, if it makes you sick, don't eat it.  If it doesn't make you sick, work around it or eat a few bites.  I don't like pumpkin but I can eat a few bites without retching or gagging and making a big scene.  My only point is that if the host is proud of what they have made, trying a few bites is a polite thing to do. 

If you don't think the host will be hurt or feel bad, go ahead and say you don't want any.  I just think having a few bites is a good way to show the host that you appreciate the effort they made in trying to please you. 


Ok now I am confused

Is trying something you hate to the point of retching and gagging polite or now?  Is it a compliment to try it but still hate it, or is it an insult to something they are proud of. I can’t see how literally gagging something down, you clear don’t like is less offensive that just declining – how would gagging compliment them in anyway?


Maybe the confusion lies in the word sick.  To me sick is food poisoning/allergic reaction/prolonged (read at least several hours or even days) bodily disagreement – I would not really say I get *sick* when I eat the foods, I just find them appalling and it is visible apparent that I am not enjoying what I am eating. Are you defining sick as basically grossed out/”sick to your stomach”/gagging and the like?  I just don’t see that as really sick so much as a momentary discomfort – that happens to manifest itself visible. 
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: merkay on February 06, 2007, 01:18:42 PM


Okay, this is not what I was saying, at all.  Like I said, if it makes you sick, don't eat it.  If it doesn't make you sick, work around it or eat a few bites.  I don't like pumpkin but I can eat a few bites without retching or gagging and making a big scene.  My only point is that if the host is proud of what they have made, trying a few bites is a polite thing to do. 

If you don't think the host will be hurt or feel bad, go ahead and say you don't want any.  I just think having a few bites is a good way to show the host that you appreciate the effort they made in trying to please you. 


Ok now I am confused

Is trying something you hate to the point of retching and gagging polite or now?  Is it a compliment to try it but still hate it, or is it an insult to something they are proud of. I can’t see how literally gagging something down, you clear don’t like is less offensive that just declining – how would gagging compliment them in anyway?


Maybe the confusion lies in the word sick.  To me sick is food poisoning/allergic reaction/prolonged (read at least several hours or even days) bodily disagreement – I would not really say I get *sick* when I eat the foods, I just find them appalling and it is visible apparent that I am not enjoying what I am eating. Are you defining sick as basically grossed out/”sick to your stomach”/gagging and the like?  I just don’t see that as really sick so much as a momentary discomfort – that happens to manifest itself visible. 


I don't think "being grossed out" and "gagging/retching" are polite at all.  If you know you won't be able to control your physical reaction to a food, certainly don't eat it.   But, if you can eat it without making a big scene, I think it would be kind to the hosts to try a few bites.   

Making a face when you eat something is never a good idea.  If you are unable to control yourself, certainly don't eat it.  That would hurt the host even more than declining to try something they made for you. 
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: twinkletoes on February 06, 2007, 02:59:49 PM
I think what I'm getting from the 'just eat a few bites' is that if it's not your most absolute favorite food, but it won't kill you (and I mean that in the literal sense as well!) to eat a few bites....then eat a few bites.  I really don't like lasagna, but I can eat a few bites of it.  We all have foods we can't stand, for whatever reason, but it won't be the end of the world if we eat a bit of it.

Of course, if the sight/smell/taste/texture of a food makes you queasy, don't eat it. 
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: MerryRaven on February 06, 2007, 03:20:16 PM
twinkletoes

I just dont' see why you have to eat something you do not want.

No thank you should be enough. 

If the person is persistant they are being rude.  You are not rude to continue saying 'no thank you, I'd rather not.'

I remember eating creamed corn at my Grandmother's when I was about 9 because I thought it would be polite, even though I hated it.  But once you are an adult, you should not have to explain your preferences or medical conditions.

I cannot stand pickled beets.  The smell makes me ill.  When offered I just say "No thank you."

I cannot drink alcohol because I am on a medication.  I don't feel the need to explain when I say "No thank you. I don't drink.......wine."  Of course then they think I am a vampire. ;D

Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Shoo on February 06, 2007, 03:35:48 PM
I don't think "being grossed out" and "gagging/retching" are polite at all.  If you know you won't be able to control your physical reaction to a food, certainly don't eat it.   But, if you can eat it without making a big scene, I think it would be kind to the hosts to try a few bites.   

Making a face when you eat something is never a good idea.  If you are unable to control yourself, certainly don't eat it.  That would hurt the host even more than declining to try something they made for you. 

I think this is about how I feel too.  For example, there isn't any way anyone is ever going to get me to eat liver.  No. Way.  I don't care who serves it to me, I am not eating it period.

In this case, or in one similar to this, I would politely decline the liver.  If pressed, I would more firmly decline the liver.  If pressed further, I'd explain my revulsion to liver in vivid detail and let the chips fall where they may, so to speak.

If I invite someone to my home and I'm serving something they just do not like, I don't want them to eat it just because they're afraid of hurting my feelings!  That's nuts!  I've got pizzas in the freezer and microwaveable meals too, and I've also got some take out places a few minutes away.  I'd rather get them something else than have them sit there and starve.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: twinkletoes on February 06, 2007, 04:29:01 PM
MerryRaven:  While I don't care for lasagna, I don't mind eating a little bit of it.  It won't kill me to just take a little bit, and it's just easier all around.  And usually, there really isn't much else - in my circle, it's 'bread, salad, side, main, dessert,' but not really enough where I can kind of fill up on a side or a salad.

It really doesn't matter to me to take a little bit of something, even if I don't love it.  I won't get ill from an allergic reaction, I won't get queasy over the thought of eating the food - just a few bites, and that's enough.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: kingsrings on February 06, 2007, 05:56:29 PM
You could say that you're already stuffed full with all the wonderful food that the hostess served for the main course, and you simply have no room for dessert.  By the way, for what it's worth, I hate rice pudding too.  Rice is NOT a dessert food, and putting it in a pudding with raisins doesn't make it one.

Mmmmm......I love rice pudding! Especially the Scandinavian kind with the almond in it.
Turning down something is not rude in the least if it is done politely. I hate that warped etiquette rule that one must try everything so as not to insult the host. Is not polite to make guests eat things that they don't like. (did you hear that, Aunt?). Believe me, it would be more insulting to the cook if I gagged and couldn't swallow the sweet potatoes, which I hate with a passion, no matter how they're cooked.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Peaches737 on February 06, 2007, 07:40:51 PM
Dh is a very choosy eater.  Most of my family knows this, and he is horribly embarrassed that they will go out of their way to "not" go to a seafood restaurant.  (DH feels like there is chicken on every menu, he'll deal).  What he cannot stand is other people monitoring his intake.

He was exceptionally gracious at the home of a collegue.  (he hates squash, he hates soup).  He had several spoonfuls , and nearly finished the squash soup.  He was being scrutinized.  He dislikes asparagus.  Not quite to the point of gagging (he will with seafood) but enough.  He was grilled as to why he finished it first (think kid getting the veggies out of the way).  We didn't even say anytin prior.  She was just an anxious cook.

It was pretty obnoxious.  I don't even tell people that he is choosy anymore, because he hates for attention to be called to him.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: caranfin on February 06, 2007, 08:46:57 PM
I think what I'm getting from the 'just eat a few bites' is that if it's not your most absolute favorite food, but it won't kill you (and I mean that in the literal sense as well!) to eat a few bites....then eat a few bites.  I really don't like lasagna, but I can eat a few bites of it.  We all have foods we can't stand, for whatever reason, but it won't be the end of the world if we eat a bit of it.
Well, there are foods I do not like, and I could take a few bites to be polite. I strongly dislike onions, but I'll eat a bite or two of your onion tart to make you happy. But there are foods I cannot stand. And those I will not touch. Do not set steak tartare in front of me, or a fish with the head still on it, and expect me to eat a few bites. It may not be the end of the world, but I'm still not going to take a bite. If that makes me rude, so be it.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Venus193 on February 06, 2007, 09:16:53 PM
It's easy to turn down a dessert.  I can't tolerate even the concept of rice pudding.  All you have to do is say you're watching your calories.

Entree foods are a little harder.

I endured two slices of lamb at a friend's house.  I simply took the end pieces with the most charred surface and I was OK.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: MerryRaven on February 06, 2007, 11:37:43 PM
Let's put it this way.

There is absolutely no way that I could ever eat pickled beets, even a bite or two, just to be polite.

I do not have an allergy, I have a strong aversion to even the smell.  It is probably psychological but I have no idea where it comes from and at my age it won't change. 

I have developed recently the same kind of aversion to black olives which I always used to love.  It happened after a bout of stomach flu and I don't know why.  I hadn't eaten olives for weeks prior to the illness.

There is no reason in my mind why, as an adult I would ever have to eat or pretend to eat anything I do not like just for show.  You do not have to get cranky about it you do not have to make a scene if people persist, you just have to say "no thanks."

Where did the idea that adults should be forced to eat something out of "politeness" come from?

I am diabetic and I don't eat cake with lots of icing either.  So at birthday parties and weddings, I just say "No thanks."

I never mention my diabetes or my diet and never feel the need to do so. 

If someone is insulted because I politely refuse something, in my opinion that is their problem.

Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: merkay on February 06, 2007, 11:50:10 PM
I'll explain in a bit more detail a situation where I ate something I didn't like just to be nice. 

My boyfriend and I were invited over to a new friends house to have pizza with her and her husband.  After the pizza, she announced that she had a pumpkin pie that she had baked from scratch.  She was so excited about it.  It was obviously one of the first pies she had ever baked.  I just couldn't bear to tell her that neither of us liked pumpkin pie.  So, we each had a piece.  I piled on the cool whip and ate a few bites that were mostly crust and cool whip. 

I could have told her that neither of us like pumpkin, but I know she would have felt just awful.  So, I ate the pie. 

This obviously does not apply to all foods and all situations. 
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Venus193 on February 07, 2007, 08:23:49 AM
Raven, I completely agree.  We are not children whose parents are hounding us to eat our spinach (which I love).

BTW, I keep a small supply of sugar-blocking pills against office birthdays and other such occasions.  I don't eat cake every day (or even once a week), but this helps.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: CutebutPsycho on February 07, 2007, 12:24:19 PM
I have developed recently the same kind of aversion to black olives which I always used to love.  It happened after a bout of stomach flu and I don't know why.  I hadn't eaten olives for weeks prior to the illness.

MerryRaven,

This happened to me once with eggs. I got a really bad flu - as in your case it had nothing to do with the food in question. When I recovered, I couldn't eat eggs for a couple of years afterward. I am just now enjoying the occasional fried egg sandwich.

Strange!
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: VorFemme on February 07, 2007, 12:46:32 PM
My mother overcooked a number of foods when I was growing up - I THOUGHT that I didn't like the foods.

Some of them, over the years, I have tried again - due to being at a restaurant or person's house who mentions a NEW recipe and I feel that trying a bite is going to be more polite than explaining why I won't.

I have learned that zucchini peelings broiled with a little Parmesan cheese grated on top are an excellent appetizer (restaurant), that I do too like onion rings when they are fried in HOT oil instead of warm oil (but no longer eat due to new diet - fortunately salad is usually an option), and spinach - I cannot abide cooked spinach - especially from cans...........but fresh spinach leaves in a salad?  Yuummmm!  And a chicken cheese broccoli soup that DH's team member and wife served us turned out to be so good that I asked for the recipe!

But I do say something along the lines of "just a taste, please" or grab a spoon and take a TINY portion (1/2 tsp or smaller) to see how I react - I know that there are some things that the texture will get me. 

If pressed, I mention that a family member has an allergy to something in that category and I've been warned to watch what happens when I try new foods for that reason.  MOST people today understand that kind of caution in trying some thing new - and I have been lucky enough not to have any food allergies...............pollens, molds, animal dander, and house dust, on the other hand........
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Chivewarrior on February 08, 2007, 11:31:42 AM
I have developed recently the same kind of aversion to black olives which I always used to love.  It happened after a bout of stomach flu and I don't know why.  I hadn't eaten olives for weeks prior to the illness.
Something similar happened to me, except it was after a really high fever. There are a whole bunch of things I used to love and now can't touch, or used to hate and now love... apparently it's not as uncommon as I thought.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Pixie on February 09, 2007, 01:04:23 PM
Mine is cooked carrots.  Love them raw, or steamed, but not in a stew or even pot roast.   So I guess its over-cooked carrots I don't like. However, I can manage a bite or two, to be polite... say if my MIL was serving stew for dinner.  Which, BTW, was what was served the very first time I was invited for dinner at their house before Hubby and I were married.  Hubby knew I hated it, but he was so proud of me for acting like nothing was wrong. I think it was last year (19 years later) that my MIL found out that I hate stew!

 My brother will not eat bananas.  Not allergic, just never liked them, he would even spit out his banana baby food.   I am allergic to green bell pepper, and have to be so careful, as many packaged foods will hide it, like sloppy joes or potato salads.  I will NOT eat liver.... and I don't care if anyone's feelings are hurt by that.  I won't do it.   



Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Twik on February 09, 2007, 01:10:48 PM
I have developed recently the same kind of aversion to black olives which I always used to love.  It happened after a bout of stomach flu and I don't know why.  I hadn't eaten olives for weeks prior to the illness.

MerryRaven,

This happened to me once with eggs. I got a really bad flu - as in your case it had nothing to do with the food in question. When I recovered, I couldn't eat eggs for a couple of years afterward. I am just now enjoying the occasional fried egg sandwich.

Strange!
Not strange at all - it's your body's instinctive protection against poisoning. Your brain is wired to go "Hmm, we threw up after eating that stuff, and felt awful - we really should avoid it in future if it makes us feel like that". Of course, sometimes the sickness and the food aren't really connected, but the instinctive reaction is better safe than sorry.

Of course, if you're like me, and spent several years as a child throwing up frequently, you'll start to run out of things you can eat....
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: april on February 09, 2007, 01:56:58 PM
As someone who hosts a lot of people, I think it's important for a host to take preferences into account when setting a menu or preparing a meal.  I always make a point to email people and either mention, I'm thinking of having ____, is this okay?  Or saying something like, are there any food/cuisine aversions that I should know about?

But that aside, I know some of you have mentioned that this point of etiquette is juvenile, but I'm still a strong believer that when you are invited for dinner somewhere, you really should make every effort to eat what is provided.  If someone has gone to a lot of effort to prepare something for you, I think it deserves at least a little taste.

Barring allergies and health issues, you should just subtly eat around what you don't like, or just claim you're full if your pickiness is that bad.

Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Squeaks on February 09, 2007, 03:43:13 PM
As someone who hosts a lot of people, I think it's important for a host to take preferences into account when setting a menu or preparing a meal.  I always make a point to email people and either mention, I'm thinking of having ____, is this okay?  Or saying something like, are there any food/cuisine aversions that I should know about?

But that aside, I know some of you have mentioned that this point of etiquette is juvenile, but I'm still a strong believer that when you are invited for dinner somewhere, you really should make every effort to eat what is provided.  If someone has gone to a lot of effort to prepare something for you, I think it deserves at least a little taste.

Barring allergies and health issues, you should just subtly eat around what you don't like, or just claim you're full if your pickiness is that bad.



as someone who both entertains, and thinks you should try things i have to ask.

would you rather a guest refuse something based on the dislike or wretch and gag visible so that it is clear they hate what they are eating?  Would you rather them at least try it (even if it is clear they get no pleasure in eating it and clearly do not like it) , or would a visible display of fighting the urge to vomit/looking like a contestant on fear factor be worse than just refusing it?


There are some foods that I will react badly too – heck I have been know to gag on pizza after picking the stuff I do not like off just cuz I know it was there and I think I can still taste it (sometime you can taste things even if you pick it off or eat around and sometimes that is still pretty inappropriate) eating around or picking at is not really a discrete option in many circumstance

If you would rather me try it, and get some feeling of respect for trying it for you, I am willing to eat one bite, cough, gag wretch, have watery eyes, and pretty much not want to eat anything else all night.. I am ok with trying new things if people push me provided they do not care about my reaction, and know my typical like and dislikes and thus know my likely reaction,and maybe allow me to say I told you so.   I just always thought that would been seen as an insult to suddenly act that way. 
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: MerryRaven on February 09, 2007, 06:45:34 PM
I don't know, but as a hostess, if someone says "no thank you" I do not quiz them about why they do not want something.  I take them at their word.

I might offer something else but I wouldn't ever press them about them not eating. 

I often serve buffet-style with many choices so people don't have to say what things they dislike.

I was brought up that a good hostess offered food and drink to guest and didn't make any fuss if they did not want anything. 

I learned that you offered three times ("Would you like some coffee or tea?", "I have juice and milk", "Is there anything you would like?") and then stop because otherwise you were pushing at people and being rude.

As a guest, I refuse to eat things I do not want to.  Why should I be bullied into it by my hostess? 

A hostess should not take offense if a guest refuses to eat something and guests should never have to explain themselves. 
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: WithoutIssue on February 10, 2007, 02:23:25 AM

I always jut say "Not for me, thank you", rinse and repeat as necessary.

Why not try a bit or just nibble it? Because of my MIL!

My MIL does not believe that people can dislike foods to the point of them causing a gag reflex or nausea. Impossible, in her book. She thinks there is no excuse for people just being fussy.

On one occasion she served a dessert with jelly (US = jello). I cannot stand jelly, the feel of it my mouth makes me want to gag. I had not had a very large meal because FIL believed that women should be served much smaller portions than men, and as it was a roast dinner he had carved and served. I decided to try a some dessert and , sort of eat around the jelly bits. Because I did not eat all my dessert I was questioned constantly as to what was wrong with it, wasn't it good enough for me etc. For several months afterwards when e visited every meal that was served to me was accompanied by comments about whether or not I would eat it or was I too fussy.

Hubby would aid an abet my swapping veges from our plates while they weren't looking. He hates beans, his mother insists on serving them to him, I can't abide parsnip, we swap and hide the evidence  >:D We also started taking our own food supply to snack on.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Spring Water on Sundays on February 10, 2007, 10:04:55 AM
Let's put it this way.

There is absolutely no way that I could ever eat pickled beets, even a bite or two, just to be polite.

I do not have an allergy, I have a strong aversion to even the smell.  It is probably psychological but I have no idea where it comes from and at my age it won't change. 


I, too, have a completely irrational aversion to seafood, fish, basically anything that lives in the water. I don't know where it came from, and I know the level of my disgust is ridiculous. If it's on the plate, I can't eat anything else on the plate. If it's in a stew, I can't "just eat around it" because it was cooked with the veggies in the broth. I don't even have to try it to know that it won't make it past my teeth before I'm gagging with tears running down my cheeks.

So, what if the entree is a seafood gumbo and the host suggests I just pick out the shrimp?
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: MerryRaven on February 10, 2007, 12:04:52 PM
Response "No thank you, I will have the salad."

First of all a good hostess will serve something else or something along with the main course.

Second, there are a lot of people who have fatal reaction to shellfish, so serving only a shellfish or fish based dish is rather rude to begin with.



Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: supernova on February 10, 2007, 04:46:40 PM

as someone who both entertains, and thinks you should try things i have to ask.

would you rather a guest refuse something based on the dislike or wretch and gag visible so that it is clear they hate what they are eating?  Would you rather them at least try it (even if it is clear they get no pleasure in eating it and clearly do not like it) , or would a visible display of fighting the urge to vomit/looking like a contestant on fear factor be worse than just refusing it?


There are some foods that I will react badly too – heck I have been know to gag on pizza after picking the stuff I do not like off just cuz I know it was there and I think I can still taste it (sometime you can taste things even if you pick it off or eat around and sometimes that is still pretty inappropriate) eating around or picking at is not really a discrete option in many circumstance

If you would rather me try it, and get some feeling of respect for trying it for you, I am willing to eat one bite, cough, gag wretch, have watery eyes, and pretty much not want to eat anything else all night.. I am ok with trying new things if people push me provided they do not care about my reaction, and know my typical like and dislikes and thus know my likely reaction,and maybe allow me to say I told you so.   I just always thought that would been seen as an insult to suddenly act that way. 


I think you've gotten a good sample of answers to this question, based on the earlier posts in this thread. 

For me personally, I follow standard etiquette, as many of the previous posters have outlined:  If you *can* eat a few bites without showing disgust, eat a few bites, or at least cut it up and push it around the plate a bit.  If you simply cannot eat it, avoid it.  Eat the other items, praise them to your hostess, and if questioned, say "Oh, the green beans were so good, I filled up on them and just couldn't finish the chicken."  Or whatever.

If it's a dessert, a simple "No, thanks," and if pressed, "Oh, I'm trying to cut down on sugar" or "Oh, the beef was so good, I'm so full!" or "Jenny, you're such a good hostess, I was almost full from the appetizers!" 

It is perfectly okay to be "too full" to eat at someone's house and stop for fast food on the way home, as long as your hosts never, ever find out.

     - saphie
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Ondine on February 10, 2007, 10:04:45 PM
Thanks for you input guys. I was worried, cause I would never want to offend anyone by telling them that I do not like a certain food, but I wouldn't want them to make it for me every time I came over to their place because they thought it was my favourite. You suggestions have helped a lot.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: freakyfemme on February 10, 2007, 11:13:36 PM
I have developed recently the same kind of aversion to black olives which I always used to love.  It happened after a bout of stomach flu and I don't know why.  I hadn't eaten olives for weeks prior to the illness.

MerryRaven,

This happened to me once with eggs. I got a really bad flu - as in your case it had nothing to do with the food in question. When I recovered, I couldn't eat eggs for a couple of years afterward. I am just now enjoying the occasional fried egg sandwich.

Strange!
Not strange at all - it's your body's instinctive protection against poisoning. Your brain is wired to go "Hmm, we threw up after eating that stuff, and felt awful - we really should avoid it in future if it makes us feel like that". Of course, sometimes the sickness and the food aren't really connected, but the instinctive reaction is better safe than sorry.

Of course, if you're like me, and spent several years as a child throwing up frequently, you'll start to run out of things you can eat....

That happened to me too, except it was oatmeal.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: maryofdoom on February 13, 2007, 11:45:42 PM
I remember learning a polite way to deal with this situation in Girl Scouts!

"I'm sorry, it's not my favorite."

Though now that I reflect on it, it seems more charming when you're, say, 10.

I'd probably stick with a barrage of "No, thank you."
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: kiero on February 14, 2007, 12:04:10 AM
Response "No thank you, I will have the salad."

First of all a good hostess will serve something else or something along with the main course.

Second, there are a lot of people who have fatal reaction to shellfish, so serving only a shellfish or fish based dish is rather rude to begin with.





I think your first point is ridiculous.  So just because I like to cook one dish kind of things - like stirfrys and curries - I'm a bad host???? 

Personally I dislike having different foods on my plate - they always mix and I don't like that.  So I tend to cook things that are supposed to mix - like curry and rice, or chilli, or stew and mashed potatos. 

And your second point is invalid.  If someone has a serious allergy - they should mention it if the host doesn't ask.  I have a serious stomach reaction to goat cheese, and so I make sure to mention that if the host doesn't ask if I have any allergies.  I don't mention my dislike of peas however, or meat with fat on it.  I eat those graciously.. 
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: MerryRaven on February 14, 2007, 11:14:35 AM
kiero
My post was answering this:
Quote
So, what if the entree is a seafood gumbo and the host suggests I just pick out the shrimp?

And you are forgetting my main point which was that if a guest doesn't like something they should just gracefully decline.  The host or hostess, should never badger, question or otherwise bug someone about their choices.

I would expect that most friends and family know and honor preferences as that is the polite thing to do as a host. 

Also if some people don't like foods that are already mixed up, would you still serve your lovely stir-frys and curries if you knew that?  By the way they sound good to me.

If a person declines I don't think you would urge them to eat it anyway or push anything on them and that is really the point. 

We all have different things we like and don't like, can eat and cannot.  A host should not berate a guest because they don't want to eat something.

And there are differences between different levels of familiarity. 

For instance, I attended a meal this weekend which include a relish tray with various pickles, including beets.  When I was passed the dish and asked if I would like some, "I just said 'no thank you'" and the host passed the dish to the next person.

No other comments necessary.

Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: kiero on February 14, 2007, 03:10:01 PM
As a host I follow my own personal guides.  I cater to all religious and health related restrictions.  And I count vegetarianism and veganism in there (important in my circle of friends). 

I also respect general preferences.  I have a freind who doesn't like spicy food.  So I take that into account when cooking for him.  I also try to honor small numbers of dislikes.  But I do not cater to people who have food preferences as long as children's Christmas wish lists.  I avoid mushrooms for my friend who doesn't like them.

But there was this woman at my church who I was asked to 'make comfortable'.  She's just moved to our large city from a small town with her daughter and really needed a freind.  After about the 5 time of having her and her daughter over for a meal when neither one would eat anything I finally gave up.  I made plain Shake'n Bake chicken and french fries once.  They wouldn't eat the chicken because "sometimes the coating can be slimy..."  and refused to entertain the idea that because I'd flipped them a couple times during baking mine weren't (because I don't like the slimy either).  And I guess they don't eat potatoes because they taste gross.  I'd long since given up trying to make vegetables. 

I guess I was taught that when you are a guest you should try everything (majoy - pickles on the side can be ignored) and unless you really can't stomach something eat a reasonable amount.  I don't understand the idea that you have to *love* everything you eat.  This woman flat out told me that they just don't eat things they don't like.  I think that's rude. 
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: MerryRaven on February 15, 2007, 01:53:01 AM
Yes that is rude.

I have a son-in-law who is a very picky eater.  When they visit, I let his wife, my Dd, do most of the cooking for him.  And I have to say, he will pitch in and cook the things he likes for the entire family plus clean the kitchen afterward.  And he is a good cook of plain food.  After all, he is British.  Meat and two veg is about the extent but it is well done.

He knows he can be a pain in the neck and really minimizes the effect. 

As for your guests, that really is rude.

If they don't want to eat others food why do they come. 

By the way, one of my Grandmother's was a terrible cook (she once boiled sirloin steak), when there I was allowed to pick at my food and we would eat later. 

My Dad says he was always grateful that nothing my mother cooked was like his mother used to make.

Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: twinkletoes on February 15, 2007, 01:11:44 PM
"I guess I was taught that when you are a guest you should try everything (majoy - pickles on the side can be ignored) and unless you really can't stomach something eat a reasonable amount.  I don't understand the idea that you have to *love* everything you eat.  This woman flat out told me that they just don't eat things they don't like.  I think that's rude.  "

Yes, thank you.  I said that a few times here before - as long as no one vomits at the sight/is deathly allergic, what is the harm in eating two bites of lasagna, even if it's not your favorite dish?

I think that's the point I'm just not getting.  And I think this is also why I (mentally) roll my eyes and sigh when someone tells me they're a picky eater.  Because nine times out of ten, these people use "picky" to mean "pain in the bottom."
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: kiero on February 15, 2007, 03:12:13 PM
I agree.  Being picky in what you choose to eat is one thing.  But when you choose to go to someone else's house for dinner - you are choosing to relinquish control.  My sister started cooking for the family when she was 12 because that was she could make sure that things she didn't like weren't added to the meal.  She hated cooked onions - so if she made a stirfry she could choose not to add them.

I think that people overreact alot of the time.  Because with the exception of allergies (and to some extend religious objections- again things like veganism fit in here) it won't kill you to eat something you don't like.  Just put it in your mouth and swallow.  Take a small amount if you aren't sure you want to eat a bunch - but take enough to be reasonable.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: supernova on February 15, 2007, 03:38:22 PM
Here's what really makes me insane:  (And yes, I've experienced multiple variations on this theme, though this isn't an actual occurrence)

Me:  (on the phone the weekend before)  "So do you or your SO have any allergies I should know about?"
Guest:  "Oh, no, neither of us do."
Me:  "Any preferences?  Anything you hate?"
Guest:  "Oh, just make anything, whatever you make will be fine!"
Me:  "Are you sure?  I was thinking about making Chicken Whatsit, salad and chocolate torte."
Guest:  "Sounds great!"

Me:  (night of the dinner) "Okay, everyone, it's dinner!"
Guest:  "Is that tomato in the salad?  I don't like tomato, it gives me a rash."
Me:  "Whoops!  Well, I have some plain lettuce left, would you like just lettuce?"
Guest:  "Oh, no, please don't go to any special trouble."

Guest:  (five minutes later)  "Is that dark meat chicken?  Tom and I don't eat dark meat chicken." (To husband who is wolfing down the Chicken Whatsit)  "DO we, Tom?"
Me:  (fake smile)  "Oh dear, I had no idea.  Can I get you something else?"
Guest:  "Oh no, I'm fine; I'll just have some more of this bread.
Guest's SO:  "You can't really tell it's dark meat, dear."
Guest:  "Well, just to be on the safe side, I'll stick to the bread."

Guest:  (half an hour later)  "Is that dark chocolate?  I can't stand dark chocolate.  Did you put liqueur in it?  Tom doesn't like the taste of liqueur in chocolate.  Are those strawberries?" etc.
Me:  (managing not to grit my teeth)  "I think I have some plain ice cream in the freezer, can I get you two some of that?"
Guest:  "OH no, please don't go to any special trouble on our account!  We're fine, aren't we, Tom?"
Guest's SO (ruefully eyeing the chocolate torte)  "We should probably be heading out soon anyway."
Me:  (Oscar-worthy acting) "Oh, would you like some coffee before you go?  It's already made and I'm so enjoying our visit."
Guest:  "Do you have decaf?"  etc.....

Me:  (one week later)  "So Guest2, would you and Steve like to come over for dinner next week?"
Guest2:  (looking concerned)  "Oh.  Um, I'm not sure.  Are you sure you can afford it?"
Me:  (astonished)  "Good heavens, of course we can, and we'd love to have you.  Why do you ask?"
Guest2:  "Well, it's just that Guest told me last time they had dinner at your house, there was nothing to eat but bread, and she and Tom had to stop at Taco Bell on the way home..."

I spent an entire summer doing camping weekends with someone just like Guest, and it's only because her husband and mine were such nice guys that I'm not currently wearing an orange jumpsuit and serving 20 to life...  well, not really, but you know what I mean.

     - saphie
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: twinkletoes on February 15, 2007, 03:41:29 PM
"Me:  (one week later)  "So Guest2, would you and Steve like to come over for dinner next week?"
Guest2:  (looking concerned)  "Oh.  Um, I'm not sure.  Are you sure you can afford it?"
Me:  (astonished)  "Good heavens, of course we can, and we'd love to have you.  Why do you ask?"
Guest2:  "Well, it's just that Guest told me last time they had dinner at your house, there was nothing to eat but bread, and she and Tom had to stop at Taco Bell on the way home...""

Oh, wow.  I read your post and almost felt I should sip some brandy and lie down - I can only imagine how you felt!
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: supernova on February 15, 2007, 04:13:41 PM
Well, like I said that's a compilation of several occurrences rather than a single event, but yes.  I often felt like having a nice strong shot of something and a nice long walk after dealing with this sort of person.

I'm a lot more selective about entertaining these days.  :) 

     - saphie
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: MerryRaven on February 16, 2007, 01:33:19 AM
Aside from saying a polite no thank you if I didn't like something.  And never, as a hostess to insist people eat my cooking, I was taught I should never negatively comment on the food I was provided. 

My mother's rule growing up was "Eat it or don't eat it, but don't complain about it or criticize it and above all do not SNIFF it." 

If you criticized the food at my mother's table (just family) then you 'bought' the job the next time a meal was served.

I'll never forget when I was about 12 and my younger brother complained that the first mashed potatoes I had ever made were lumpy.  The next time we had mashed potatoes he had to make them.

If I say 'no thank you' to the Lasagne, fish fingers, tuna casserole or the like, I expect my hostess to ignore that. 

I really do not understand the reason an adult should be required to eat a bite or two.  I certainly wouldn't require it of my guests and I would expect them to treat me as an adult who knows my own mind.

By the way, I am not a picky eater, I eat all of the above and I eat far more than is good for me as my waistline can attest.  I have eaten octopus and sushi but if I do not want mushy peas, I will politely decline.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Cattaby on February 16, 2007, 03:31:38 AM
On one occasion she served a dessert with jelly (US = jello). I cannot stand jelly, the feel of it my mouth makes me want to gag. I had not had a very large meal because FIL believed that women should be served much smaller portions than men, and as it was a roast dinner he had carved and served. I decided to try a some dessert and , sort of eat around the jelly bits. Because I did not eat all my dessert I was questioned constantly as to what was wrong with it, wasn't it good enough for me etc.

Boo to this and your FIL!

I can out eat my boyfriend anytime I set my mind to it. He's like the hare - fast out of the gate, but gets full very quickly. I'm the tortoise - slow to start, but man, do I finish!
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: Venus193 on February 16, 2007, 07:32:56 AM

I always jut say "Not for me, thank you", rinse and repeat as necessary.

Why not try a bit or just nibble it? Because of my MIL!

My MIL does not believe that people can dislike foods to the point of them causing a gag reflex or nausea. Impossible, in her book. She thinks there is no excuse for people just being fussy.

On one occasion she served a dessert with jelly (US = jello). I cannot stand jelly, the feel of it my mouth makes me want to gag. I had not had a very large meal because FIL believed that women should be served much smaller portions than men, and as it was a roast dinner he had carved and served.  I decided to try a some dessert and , sort of eat around the jelly bits. Because I did not eat all my dessert I was questioned constantly as to what was wrong with it, wasn't it good enough for me etc. For several months afterwards when e visited every meal that was served to me was accompanied by comments about whether or not I would eat it or was I too fussy.

Hubby would aid an abet my swapping veges from our plates while they weren't looking. He hates beans, his mother insists on serving them to him, I can't abide parsnip, we swap and hide the evidence  >:D We also started taking our own food supply to snack on.

I just had the time to catch up to this post.  What period of history does this guy think he's living in?  Sounds like you need the book Toxic In-Laws because both of them have major control issues.
Title: Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
Post by: WithoutIssue on February 17, 2007, 04:51:03 PM

... I had not had a very large meal because FIL believed that women should be served much smaller portions than men, and as it was a roast dinner he had carved and served.  ...

I just had the time to catch up to this post.  What period of history does this guy think he's living in?  Sounds like you need the book Toxic In-Laws because both of them have major control issues.

He was a misogynist of the first water. Both hubby and I work in IT, but if FIL asked a computer question and I answered it, he would ask my hubby for confirmation. Hubby would just tell hat what I said was correct. If in a group discussion someone asked me for some other info he would always butt in on my answer with "It all depends on..." to try and prove I was wrong, even when he facts were black and white.

I never liked him. He died last year so he is no longer a problem for me or my sisters-in-law.