Etiquette Hell

A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. Guests, register for forum membership to see all the boards. => Humor Me! => Topic started by: behindbj on February 07, 2008, 09:28:55 AM

Title: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: behindbj on February 07, 2008, 09:28:55 AM
I've noticed lately that I've been feeling rather silly lately and a decent amount of conversation I engage in or stuff I read has had at least one instance of something that sounded dirty but wasn't.

So - I thought I would do this thread again (I think I started in on a prior version of this board).

Here goes:

I was at my local yarn shop last Saturday, working on a feather-and-fan scarf with some mohair I have had for years (the company, a local maker, went out of business years ago).

The lady sitting next to me turned to me and asked, "May I fondle your boucle?"

Not before you buy me dinner, you won't.

Anyone else have the sillies?

behindbj
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: afbluebelle on February 07, 2008, 10:20:09 AM
Heh... at work today there was an misfire at the butt. ;D

Gun but, that is.  Jammed guns are kinda funny.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: snoopygirl on February 07, 2008, 11:56:30 AM
  I was walking home with my husband after the day of work that wasn't. I was tired, cranky and wearing dress clothes which I hate to wear. I turned to my husband and went 'I can't wait to get out of these clothes'. He knew what I meant I was complaing all day about how I wanted to go home and put sweats or jeans on. I am sure the lady walking down the street at the same time didn't know that is what I meant. My hubby said I really shouldn't say stuff like that with people about.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: behindbj on February 07, 2008, 12:40:26 PM
There are regulars who sit near me at the baseball park who I see every single game.  One day, I was walking down the street and ran into one of them.  I said "Hi!  How are you doin'?"  And he looked at me for a minute, and then another minute before he finally figured out who I was. 

After he said 'hello' back and we chatted for a minute,  he came out with "I don't think I've ever seen you with clothes on!"

As in "business clothes."  As opposed to "baseball game clothes."

behindbj
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ferrets on February 07, 2008, 12:43:15 PM
[Names changed to protect the innocent and amused.]

I once barrelled over to the tent of a musketeer I knew after a battle re-enactment. He wasn't there, so I found his wife and chirpily enquired, "Hi Sue, is it OK with you if I borrow Steve's worm? I'll use it right here, it won't take a minute."

Didn't even realise how that sounded till Sue started snorting with laughter.

[The context clarifies: I'd had a misfire, which had clogged my musket, and needed the 'worm' (small metal spiral attachment that screws onto the end of the cleaning rods) to work out the doused wadding.]

Took a while to live that one down. ::)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Virg on February 07, 2008, 03:02:24 PM
My wife had a bag of mixed nuts and I picked out a big handful of my favorites, and left them in a pile on the end table while I attended to something in the kitchen.  I returned to the living room, sat down and realized that I was on the wrong side of the room.  My wife was coming over to join me, so I said, "honey, can you grab my nuts?"

Did I mention her parents were visiting?

Virg
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Elpie on February 07, 2008, 04:29:11 PM
One of my engineering prof's pointed out that a certain math function just sounds... bad.

So now I have a fit of giggles everytime I'm in a lecture involving Natural Log's.

Taking a class on Vibrations was pretty fun to talk about.

I also giggle when someone on this forum uses PP for Previous Poster (I'm so mature).  ;D

I know I have more, I'll just add them to this post when I think of them...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Harriet Jones on February 07, 2008, 04:39:14 PM
The product "Gutter Helmet" has always sounded vaguely p0rnographic to me ...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: LiveLoveLearn on February 07, 2008, 04:43:31 PM
What  on Earth is a gutter helmet?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Harriet Jones on February 07, 2008, 04:47:36 PM
A cover to keep leaves and other debris out of your gutter.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: hermanne on February 07, 2008, 08:05:06 PM
There are regulars who sit near me at the baseball park who I see every single game.  One day, I was walking down the street and ran into one of them.  I said "Hi!  How are you doin'?"  And he looked at me for a minute, and then another minute before he finally figured out who I was. 

After he said 'hello' back and we chatted for a minute,  he came out with "I don't think I've ever seen you with clothes on!"

As in "business clothes."  As opposed to "baseball game clothes."

behindbj

I once said something similar to my charges' swim teacher! :-[
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Elle on February 07, 2008, 08:13:58 PM
A friend of mine worked at a hardware store. He was quite surprised when a lady asked "Can I see your caulk?"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: IndianInlaw on February 07, 2008, 08:33:28 PM
When I volunteered at the Y, a bunch of us were standing outside doing who knows what.  One of the directors was talking to the maintenance guy about hanging a banner on the front of the building..

He made the mistake of saying "Can you get it up today?"

I couldn't resist saying "That's a personal question". >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Elle on February 07, 2008, 11:29:01 PM
I almost asked a bookstore employee (male) where I could find wingadingdingy. Phillip K wingadingdingy - you pervs!  :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: beingkj on February 07, 2008, 11:34:03 PM
This wasn't me, but it was in year 9 science glass. One step of the experiment involved filtering a substance through filter paper.

Girl: It's not filtering.
Boy: Yeah it is, it's just slow.
G: Maybe it will go faster if I blow on it. *starts blowing on the surface of the liquid, which starts filtering faster*
B: Oh, blow it, blow it.
G: Shut up or I'll blow you!

Of course the last was said in a lull in general noise. The poor girl didn't live that down for the rest of high school. Good thing she had a wonderful sense of humour.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: milosparront on February 07, 2008, 11:51:18 PM
I posted this on the old thread.  It's not naughty just funny.

I discovered, much to my dismay, we had run out of bathroom tissue.  I usually by this item in bulk.  Anyway along with the bathroom tissue I picked up a novel to purchase as well.

Without missing a beat the checker says to me, "That must be SOME book you plan on reading."   :o

It's one of those situations you have to be there to really appreciate!!  LOL!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: janegirl987 on February 08, 2008, 12:00:40 AM
I posted this on the old thread.  It's not naughty just funny.

I discovered, much to my dismay, we had run out of bathroom tissue.  I usually by this item in bulk.  Anyway along with the bathroom tissue I picked up a novel to purchase as well.

Without missing a beat the checker says to me, "That must be SOME book you plan on reading."   :o

It's one of those situations you have to be there to really appreciate!!  LOL!

lol  My DF fell off the couch laughing at that!  He said that'd be something he would expect someone to say to him.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: behindbj on February 08, 2008, 08:37:31 AM
My best friend manages a fabric store and has to resist the urge to giggle when people come in and ask "Can I get felt here?"

How did she react when someone wanted to know if they had Stiffee?

behindbj
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Bob Ducca on February 08, 2008, 08:44:09 AM
The choir was rehearsing "Carol Of the Bells," in which the words are mostly, "Ding dong, ding dong."  At the end, the basses hold a long, low G on the word, "Dong."  The boys wouldn't hold the note long enough.

Quoth the choir director, "Basses, you must hold your dongs out until I cut them off."

True story.  Or so the person who told me said the person who told them said.

My own rehearsal mess-up:  We were singing a song with the word "Love" in it, and my tenors kept singing Luv (with a flat, East-Texas "uh").  I said, "Tenors, you need to make your mouth taller, like this: LAAAAHHHV.  Everybody, let's all make LAAAAAHHHV."

The rehearsal was over.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: FoxPaws on February 08, 2008, 08:57:43 AM
Back in the day, the computers at the copy shop had to be unlocked with a switch behind the counter. No matter how often it happened, it was still a little weird when a customer asked, "Could someone please turn me on?"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: baglady on February 08, 2008, 10:19:08 AM
I spent Christmas with a dear friend and his wife. Wife and I are both huge fans of the TV show "House," and I write a lot of "House" fanfiction. Friend is not a fan but enjoys my writing and has become familiar with the characters through reading my fic. He'd given me an idea for a story, but it would involve more medicine than I generally use in my fics, which are mainly romances. He has a far better knowledge of medical stuff than I, so I told him I'd need him to come up with symptoms, diagnosis and treatment for the patient that would be plausible, and I'd work that into the story. We both got distracted by life and I never got around to bugging him about his contribution to the story.

Friend: Whatever happened to (story?) You gave up on it?

Me: No, I'm waiting for you to give me a disease!

Wife (jaw drops, giggles).

Me: Ummm... I should probably rephrase that!

(Laughs all around)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ferrets on February 08, 2008, 10:59:18 AM
The choir was rehearsing "Carol Of the Bells," in which the words are mostly, "Ding dong, ding dong."  At the end, the basses hold a long, low G on the word, "Dong."  The boys wouldn't hold the note long enough.

Quoth the choir director, "Basses, you must hold your dongs out until I cut them off."

True story.  Or so the person who told me said the person who told them said.

My own rehearsal mess-up:  We were singing a song with the word "Love" in it, and my tenors kept singing Luv (with a flat, East-Texas "uh").  I said, "Tenors, you need to make your mouth taller, like this: LAAAAHHHV.  Everybody, let's all make LAAAAAHHHV."

The rehearsal was over.

*sprays monitor with tea*

ROFLMAO! ;D Choral ones are the best. :) You reminded me of one from our choir...for full effect, imagine it in the campy British accent of our conductor. A request to the sops to sustain a note before we (the tenors) came in, emerged as:

"Ladies, brace yourselves for the tenors' entry!"

And you reminded me...

Years ago at school, I played Fraulein Schneider in the sixth-form production of Cabaret. We were rehearsing the scene where the grocer woos me with exotic fruits, and the deputy head was giving us directorial notes as follows...

"Jim! You must remember that this isn't just a casual gift, it is an exotic and expensive rare fruit, and to present her with it demonstrates how much you adore this woman.

"You must stride in and proceed to make love to Sara with a pineapple!"

Amazingly, I actually had one of those rare moments where the brain provides a fitting retort instantly (as opposed to the usual three days later ::)), and deadpanned a slightly paraphrased line from Blackadder in Baldrick's whine: "Won't that be rather prickly?" ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: housewife2k on February 08, 2008, 12:06:05 PM
Hubby told me I had to post this.
For the great-grandma-in-laws funeral, last week, Hubby's aunt and two daughters drove up from Utah. Aunt was discussing how oldest daughter's boyfreind (are we all following along, the boyfriend of her just turned 18 year old daughter) lives right near a chicken farm. She was commenting on how, every morning, all he hears are chickens and roosters.
Aunt then looks at OldestDaughter and asks "Honey, how many morning must your boyfriend wake up and immediately feel like walking outside, and choking a chicken?"
We all immediately laughed, while Aunt looked blankly at us for a moment. It was visible on her face when what she said sunk in, she turned bright red, and started apologizing and backpedaling.
We all knew what she meant, it just took her a moment to realize what she could have been asking her daughter.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Clara Bow on February 08, 2008, 02:54:14 PM
A roomful of girls, gently and brightly saying "Swallow it when it hits the back of your throat...that's it, swallow...swallow....swallow...."
NG tube placement lab.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Bob Ducca on February 08, 2008, 02:56:14 PM
WolfieSara, choir rehearsals are the best places to find the unintentional dirty remark...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Fee on February 09, 2008, 05:58:25 PM
We used to place comments like that that people made on a whiteboard.  It was usually my comments up there...

We were watching the tennis one day and I noticed that the guys would have a few tennis balls thrown to them, they would choose two out of the three, keep one to serve and place one in their pocket.  The next comment out of my mouth was "Don't their balls get sweaty"...  :-[  This was met with an answer of hysterical laughter from all present...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: lisat on February 12, 2008, 02:05:16 PM
ordering parts for airplane: cock pocket
Telling a male worker that his nuts were in and on her desk. Then compounding it by asking if he was sure that they were big enough.
My 22 yr old daughter working with Navy men. She has lots of them. Bless her heart. She can also read her boyfriend's Field and Stream mag. and make it dirty by how she reads it.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: geordicat on February 12, 2008, 03:01:06 PM
When I volunteered at the Y, a bunch of us were standing outside doing who knows what.  One of the directors was talking to the maintenance guy about hanging a banner on the front of the building..

He made the mistake of saying "Can you get it up today?"

I couldn't resist saying "That's a personal question". >:D

I have a levitron top on my desk.  http://www.levitron.com/  My enginerds LOVE it.  I always hear "How long can you keep it up?" or "What's the longest someone's kept it up?" Or the ever popular "I just can't get it to float!"

When I had it at home, my (now ex) bf and my son had a contest of who could keep it up the longest.  I couldn't even compete.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: jennipooh97 on February 12, 2008, 04:24:57 PM
I know that I've heard or said things like this in the past, but I can't remember anything right now for some reason, so I'll post about something that happened to someone else.

I was reading a women's magazine where people were confessing their most embarrassing moments.  One lady said she was in an ice cream shop, trying to decide what flavor of ice cream she wanted.  There was one particular flavor that she hadn't had before and wanted to sample it before she bought it, so she went up to the teenage male shop clerk and asked, "Can I taste your banana?"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Moonie on February 24, 2008, 09:15:13 AM
When I was sixteen, my first job was at a small store at the mall that sold ethnic Indian clothing and decorations as well as .....well, let's say equipment made for enjoying "herbal" indulgences.  (can you say mid 70's head shop)?  I was VERY naive, to say the least.  We kept water pipes on the shelves behind the register. One day a man came in and was looking past me on the shelves and I asked him if I could assist him with anything.  He said "Yeah, can I see your bongs?"   My mouth dropped open and I must have turned at least ten shades of red.  All I could say was , "Ummmmmmm...."  Seeing my embarassment, he pointed to the shelves and said, "Those pipes there."  Whew!!!  Needless to say, I quit that job soon after.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lokie on February 24, 2008, 11:08:16 AM
A little while ago the DH was really into golf, so some weekend afternoons I'd go downstairs to read and find him on the couch engrossed in a televised golf match.  Some of those comments just sound absolutely awful when you take them out of context.

Commentator: He's going to have to be very accurate if he wants to take this hole.
Me, mumbling into my book: That's what she said.
Hubby: *spews beer*
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Kendo_Bunny on February 24, 2008, 03:43:48 PM
For a little background, I met my sweetheart on a message board, and so some of our little tiffs played out across the message board. I don't remember exactly what he had said on this board, but I responded with: "Quiet, you, or you're not getting any pie this weekend".
Innocent little me was talking about the actual pie that I was actually baking for his weekend visit.

Though because of this, we had good fun with the rest of the board. He sent me a game called 'Princess Maker 2'- basically, your job is to raise a little girl to 18, and she gets all kinds of different outcomes depending on what you do. The game is rather addictive, so I said he had just sentenced me to spending the rest of my life trying to raise that kid. He asked if I wanted child support. Then we had the wonderful awful idea to provide a lot of board drama. We started a long topic where we were actually talking about the game, but everyone on the board thought we were talking about my unexpected pregnancy and that we were having a fight across the board about what we would do about it.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: dietcokeofevil on February 24, 2008, 05:59:58 PM
In college, we used to call these "Grubbies".   
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ondine on February 24, 2008, 08:54:30 PM
One of the ladies I used to work with at Wal-Mart provided me with this little gem:

Wal-Mart sells Bum Equipment brand clothing. One day, this lady had to go call for a stock associate to clean up a spill in the area where this brand of clothing was kept. She paged twice over the intercom: "Could I get a stock associate to the Bum Equipment for a sticky clean-up please?" It took her a minute to try and figure out why the cashier was turning red - he was trying so hard to suppress his laughter.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: beingkj on February 24, 2008, 08:56:34 PM
One of the ladies I used to work with at Wal-Mart provided me with this little gem:

Wal-Mart sells Bum Equipment brand clothing. One day, this lady had to go call for a stock associate to clean up a spill in the area where this brand of clothing was kept. She paged twice over the intercom: "Could I get a stock associate to the Bum Equipment for a sticky clean-up please?" It took her a minute to try and figure out why the cashier was turning red - he was trying so hard to suppress his laughter.


That would have had the entire store laughing in Australia. Pretty much no-one says "butt" here, it's always "bum".
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MadMadge43 on February 24, 2008, 09:02:01 PM
Screamed to a man across a store parking lot-

"Hey, Will you jump me?"

You see my battery was dead... :-[
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sleepingmediocre on February 24, 2008, 11:11:33 PM
I, too, once asked our maintenance man if he would "jump me after work" because my car battery was dead.  He was drinking coffee with two of his buddies, and the looks on all three of their faces defied description.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: housewife2k on February 24, 2008, 11:16:46 PM
Overheard in the ER "Hey, isn't it your turn to strip?"

Found out later tehy were referring to seperating preprinted labels.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Flora Louise on February 25, 2008, 11:12:25 AM
It kills me when people in movies or TV hear a knock at the door and call out, "Come."

(I'm waiting for the other person to respond, "You first.")

Oh, and I always think the word "sitzprobe" sounds too personal and vaguely medical. "
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: hermanne on February 25, 2008, 02:09:20 PM
Screamed to a man across a store parking lot-

"Hey, Will you jump me?"

You see my battery was dead... :-[
I, too, once asked our maintenance man if he would "jump me after work" because my car battery was dead.  He was drinking coffee with two of his buddies, and the looks on all three of their faces defied description.

I need to clean my monitor... ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Scritzy on February 25, 2008, 09:24:31 PM
My best friend's oldest has a collection of logo golf balls, most of which I gave him. He has them on display in his bedroom.

His (female) cousin walked by, saw them and said, "Oh, DB, I love your balls!"

Then she turned 50 shades of red.

Once while taking a walk on the beach, I saw a guy playing "fetch" with his Lab. He had a plastic object that would retrieve the slobbery ball and toss it again. Since we had a dog at the time that slobbered all over the tennis balls we gave her, I asked him, "Can you tell me where you bought the tennis-ball retriever?"

At least that's what I hope I said, because later, I swore I remembered asking him, "Where'd you get your ball grabber?"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Paper Roses on February 25, 2008, 09:48:59 PM
A few years ago, my workplace had just been switched over to a new computer system.  New hard drives were installed at each secretary's workstation.  Well, one day a secretary called the IT department and said,

"Hello, Dave?  There's a really funny smell coming from my thing."

Turned out the secretary next to her had put a cup of soup on top of her hard drive, which was close enough to the first woman's that she thought the smell of the soup was coming from her hard drive.

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: breny on February 25, 2008, 09:53:58 PM
My dad owns a hardware store and I worked there as a teenager.  Having men coming in asking for nipples (short piece of pipe threaded on both ends), ballcocks (part of a toilet), rods and nuts can cause a lot of embarrassment for a young girl.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Hanna on February 25, 2008, 10:05:42 PM
Not exactly dirty but....
Out with friends this weekend in a bar.
Friend 1 says "where's the bathroom"
I walk around the big column in the center of the room to look.
I come back, point it out and Friend 1 heads off to use the loo...
Friend 2 says what I hear as "Is he going to put something in there?"
and I give him the weirdest look.  Because, if one is headed to the bathroom then I suppose he is indeed going to put something in there.
We cleared it up.  Friend 2 thought I was checking out the jukebox on hanging on the column and meant was I planning to put money in it.  He actually said "Are YOU going to put something in there."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: readingchick on February 26, 2008, 12:14:03 PM
Some background first.....
My mother was having a hard time deciding how to cook chicken breasts for dinner, so I suggested baking them with spaghetti sauce and mozzarella cheese (kinda like chicken Parmigiana but with unbreaded chicken breasts.....and yes it turned out great). While I'm grabbing the shredded mozzarella cheese, she starts pounding the chicken breasts until they were about 1/2 inch thick.....I put the cheese on the counter, comment on how thin the meat is......and Mom asks "Any other reasons why we beat the meat?" I must have given her a "do you have *any* idea what you just said?" look because she started laughing.....

I really must get my mind out of the gutter!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Friday on February 26, 2008, 02:48:10 PM
I met a man one time who had similar looks to two other guys I know who also went by the same nickname form of a common name as him.  In my mind, this equated to a classic example of a name / face match up.  And, I commented on it.

Exact words:  "You look like a wingadingdingy"

I quickly backpeddled as he looked like two other guys, birthname Richard, that I knew who both went by wingadingdingy.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Scritzy on February 26, 2008, 02:55:34 PM
I met a man one time who had similar looks to two other guys I know who also went by the same nickname form of a common name as him.  In my mind, this equated to a classic example of a name / face match up.  And, I commented on it.

Exact words:  "You look like a wingadingdingy"

I quickly backpeddled as he looked like two other guys, birthname Richard, that I knew who both went by wingadingdingy.

You just made my day! ROFL!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MadMadge43 on February 26, 2008, 08:44:00 PM
I've always wanted to say (because it's true), but have never had the chance, so here goes:

I have an ex-boyfriend who's a Private Investigator, yeah he's a real wingadingdingy.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: shadowfox79 on February 27, 2008, 06:24:33 AM
When DH went to renew his Working Men's Club card, he noticed that his brother was down on the list as a "male member".

When he got back in the car, he greeted me with "It says Our Kid's a male member! I always knew he was a wingadingdingy!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lokie on February 27, 2008, 01:53:56 PM
Okay, so I wasn't going to post this because it showcases even more what a perv I am, but the wingadingdingy jokes made me do it.

DH, a bunch of his work buddies and I were hanging out in a bar.  They were talking shop, and the conversation turned to another co-worker, not present, named wingadingdingy.  Back and forth they went, discussing this guy and his failings at work.  Finally one of the guys throws his hands up to stop the conversation and says "Okay, okay wait a minute.  Who here likes wingadingdingy?"
I sheepishly raised my hand.  I couldn't help it.  It was too perfect.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: hermanne on February 27, 2008, 02:33:48 PM
Okay, so I wasn't going to post this because it showcases even more what a perv I am, but the wingadingdingy jokes made me do it.

DH, a bunch of his work buddies and I were hanging out in a bar.  They were talking shop, and the conversation turned to another co-worker, not present, named wingadingdingy.  Back and forth they went, discussing this guy and his failings at work.  Finally one of the guys throws his hands up to stop the conversation and says "Okay, okay wait a minute.  Who here likes wingadingdingy?"
I sheepishly raised my hand.  I couldn't help it.  It was too perfect.

It was a perfect opening. ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: beingkj on February 27, 2008, 05:20:54 PM
One that sends me over the edge is when I hear or read about an American "rooting" for something.

Totally different meaning in Australia.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Paper Roses on February 27, 2008, 05:46:36 PM
I know I've posted this story before, but it soooooo fits this thread.

A long time ago, I worked for an insurance company.  One day I was standing in front of my desk, talking with one of the marketing reps.  We had pretty much finished our conversation and he was walking back to his desk, but still facing me and talking.  Then the receptionist, an older lady who was the absolute epitome of class and grace, walked around the corner holding a pair of "Totes" - those rubber shoe coverings they make for men to wear in the rain.  She said to the marketing rep, "Are these your rubbers?"

He looked at her, shook his head and deadpanned, "I never leave my rubbers laying around."

She nodded and said "Oh, ok." and walked back around the corner.  He turned and looked at me, and the look on his face was priceless - kind of a "Can you believe I just got away with that?"  look.  Well, it's a good thing my chair was right behind me, because I literally fell back into it from laughing so hard.  He did the same thing, and the two of us were laughing so hard we were practically not even breathing for the next 10 minutes or so. 

Suddenly, the receptionist walked back around and said, "I know what you're laughing at.  You should be ashamed of yourselves!"  Which, of course, only made us laugh harder.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Elle on February 28, 2008, 02:41:08 AM
One that sends me over the edge is when I hear or read about an American "rooting" for something.

Totally different meaning in Australia.

So I imagine it would be quite a shock if I were to announce I was rooting for the Pittsburgh Steelers . . . . . all of them . . . . .  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: sbagirl on February 28, 2008, 10:18:52 AM
I attended a wedding last year of two of our reenactor friends.  It is important to note that many of our friends who were there portray Native Americans (wearing breechcloths), Highlanders (wearing kilts), soldiers (wearing britches), etc. (this was not a theme wedding, just an ordinary wedding and everyone was wearing 21st century clothes).

At the beginning of the reception, a group of us were sitting around a table, chatting and looking around the room as the man from the reception hall was coming around to light the candles in the center of each table. 

Just as the man leaned over next to her to light the candles on our table, my friend Linda said loudly, “Wow, this is the first time I’ve seen most of these men wearing trousers!”

We knew exactly what she meant but the look on the candlelighter’s face was absolutely priceless, and we laughed so hard we almost fell off our chairs.

Edited to clarify something.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: LB on February 29, 2008, 11:57:28 AM
I'm checking out at the store this morning and the cashier asks me how I'm doing.

"Fine thanks, and you?"
"Oh, I'm good, just really sleepy. I've been here since 6 a.m."
"Oh, well I hope you get off soon."  :-X  :-[
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Clara Bow on February 29, 2008, 01:52:59 PM
One that sends me over the edge is when I hear or read about an American "rooting" for something.

Totally different meaning in Australia.

So I imagine it would be quite a shock if I were to announce I was rooting for the Pittsburgh Steelers . . . . . all of them . . . . .  ;D


I root for the Boston Red Sox, the Georgia Bulldogs and the Michigan Wolverines!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on February 29, 2008, 04:15:16 PM
Mods, please don't ban for this!

I mentioned this on another "Humor Me" thread, but Chicago has three streets that rhyme with a certain part of a woman's body:  Melvina, Paulina, and Lunt.  (Mel-VIE-nuh, Paul-LIE-nuh, and Luhnt).  I live near two of them, and I can't help but giggle every time a street sign for them. 


Second Story:
I'm very active in my local Renaissance Faire.  I have many friends with whom I'm so used to seeing them in "garb", that when I see them in "mundanes," it's very strange.  It's very common for us to exclaim to each other,
"Hey!  I'm not used to seeing you in clothes!"
"Sweet monkey fritters!  You're wearing pants!" (usually said to the gentlemen who usually wear kilts)
"Your ta-tas are covered!" (gotta love bodices)
"I'm not used to seeing you so COVERED UP!" (our faire's in the summer, so many year revealing outfits to cope with the heat, a la elves, fairies, barbarians, warriors, etc)
"I didn't recognize you without all the fur!" (said to Vikings)
"Wow!  You've got hair!" (to ladies who cover their hair to be historically accurate at faire, usually to hide a modern hairstyle)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Elly on March 01, 2008, 08:16:00 PM
I was playing doubles tennis one evening with three other women, on a court complex at a public park. I think there were 4 or 5 courts that were fenced in on the outside but no dividers inside between the courts. While playing a stray tennis ball came rolling across our court. My tennis partner picked it up and yelled to the two men playing on the next court, "Do you have fuzzy balls?"  The men didn't hear her, but WE all did and laughed so hard we all had to sit down for a while.

A friend and I went into an ice cream shop one sunny afternoon. The shop was empty except for a couple sitting at a table. I got my cone and was waiting for my friend,who was trying to decide between a cone and a sundae. She asked the teenage boy behind the counter "What kind of nuts do you have?" He turned beet red, and I was successful in not laughing out loud until the lady sitting at the table turned to the man with her and hissed "Did she just ask him what kind of NUTS he had??"  She ended up with a cone as she didn't want to have to ask him to put his nuts on her sundae.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mrs. B on March 01, 2008, 10:57:02 PM
I was talking with an acquaintance/pre-friend of mine on the phone after Christmas.  She was waxing about how much she loved the pearl necklace her husband had given her.  That the pearls were larger than any she had before and how much she loved them.  The next time I saw her she had the neglace on.  I said, " Those are lovely, and they are huge!  If size is any indication of how much he loves you, I'd say he loves you alot"  :o  She kept a straight face long enough to respond "Based on what you said, he loves, yep.  he loves me."    ::)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Heavenly on March 02, 2008, 12:13:04 AM
I must give background on this or you will all think I am a pervert.

Dd1 had a joke about curling that she didn't understand (How do you keep canadian bacon from curling in the pan?  Take away their brooms.   ;D ).  So her father and I were looking for a video to demonstrate curling for her.  This was the first video that came up. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLe1i3WL8is

Dd1 couldn't figure out why Mr. H and I were falling over laughing.   >:D

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Alida on March 02, 2008, 12:18:10 AM
Talking to my daughter today as we were driving.  We were discussing her costume for Otakon... she needs to build a gourd to wear on her back.  So we're discussing building a cage to hold the balls before we paper them.

"Yeah, we really do need the cage.  No ball shifting this year!"

She looked at me and burst out laughing.  "MOM!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: hermanne on March 02, 2008, 08:35:17 AM
I must give background on this or you will all think I am a pervert.

Dd1 had a joke about curling that she didn't understand (How do you keep canadian bacon from curling in the pan?  Take away their brooms.   ;D ).  So her father and I were looking for a video to demonstrate curling for her.  This was the first video that came up. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLe1i3WL8is

Dd1 couldn't figure out why Mr. H and I were falling over laughing.   >:D



Oh, my... dear lord!
(http://bestsmileys.com/lol/18.gif)

edited to change the smiley, because the one I had before went a little TOO well with the theme of the link. :-[
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ondine on March 02, 2008, 05:29:44 PM
In my city, we have two streets that connect to each other: Rusholme Road (prounced rush-home) and Avenue P South.

Now try telling someone that a building is on the corner of 'Rusholme and P" with a straight face.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: beingkj on March 02, 2008, 07:32:52 PM
I heard a brilliant one yesterday!

"I need a nice long one to fit in this hole!"

From BF's friend while he was playing Tetris.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: shadowfox79 on March 03, 2008, 04:05:34 AM
In my city, we have two streets that connect to each other: Rusholme Road (prounced rush-home) and Avenue P South.

Now try telling someone that a building is on the corner of 'Rusholme and P" with a straight face.

Oh, that's a classic!

There's an area of Manchester called Rusholme, which happens to be an extremely well-known curry house district.

The standing joke is that it's called Rusholme because that's what you do after you've eaten there.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Twik on March 03, 2008, 05:37:13 AM
I think I've mentioned this story before, but it does fit....

I'd been at a professional conference, at which I was wearing my best "dress clothes". However, it was over, and I'd headed out to the airport, the first thing I did was go to the washroom and change into jeans and t-shirt for comfort on the trip back.

As I was heading towards the gate, I passed another conference attendee, waiting at his gate. In a very loud voice, he called across the concourse, "Oh, THERE YOU ARE, TWIK! I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU WITH YOUR PANTS ON BEFORE!"

The funniest part was the stranger beside him who manfully struggled for 30 seconds before dissolving into giggles.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Heat04 on March 03, 2008, 07:41:41 AM
The word shuttlecock for batmitten  :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: housewife2k on March 03, 2008, 08:40:10 AM
OK, I will try and be as accurate as I can with this one, without setting off the filters.
About 11 years ago, I spent about a month in Oregon visiting a firend. We relied on public transportation to get around, as you can in Oregon.
He warned me about a particular bus, but I thought he was teasing me, until I saw the amrquee for the bus. The bus in question runs between Beaverton, and Tualitin Valley. The abbreviated sign read "Beaver to Tuat Valley". Yes, my mind went there. Yes, I was horribly embarrased.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: beingkj on March 04, 2008, 10:07:11 PM
I managed to say one today, while out at lunch with my BF.

"Oops, I nearly blew foam everywhere."

I was eating the foam off the top of the cappuccino and he made me laugh while I was blowing on the foam to cool it, so I blew a little too hard and the foam nearly escaped.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MadMadge43 on March 05, 2008, 12:26:08 AM
My Bf got in a lot of trouble at our friend's Linda & Jim's house on Sunday for a very inappropriate remark he said to me.

Today we were at Costco in the snack aisle I asked him "where are your nuts"

"In Linda & Jim's living room."

He's now almost out of the dog house.

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Tashigi on March 05, 2008, 12:32:58 AM
Talking to my daughter today as we were driving.  We were discussing her costume for Otakon... she needs to build a gourd to wear on her back.  So we're discussing building a cage to hold the balls before we paper them.

"Yeah, we really do need the cage.  No ball shifting this year!"

She looked at me and burst out laughing.  "MOM!"

Ah, the wonderfully dirty things you can say when talking about cosplay. *grins*
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on March 05, 2008, 01:41:18 AM
OK, I will try and be as accurate as I can with this one, without setting off the filters.
About 11 years ago, I spent about a month in Oregon visiting a firend. We relied on public transportation to get around, as you can in Oregon.
He warned me about a particular bus, but I thought he was teasing me, until I saw the amrquee for the bus. The bus in question runs between Beaverton, and Tualitin Valley. The abbreviated sign read "Beaver to Tuat Valley". Yes, my mind went there. Yes, I was horribly embarrased.

Oh man, we just had a good laugh reading this with our ex-roomie, from Tualitin.  He will never live this down.  I think I'll introduce him as being from Tuat Valley from now on >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: housewife2k on March 05, 2008, 11:34:35 AM
OK, I will try and be as accurate as I can with this one, without setting off the filters.
About 11 years ago, I spent about a month in Oregon visiting a firend. We relied on public transportation to get around, as you can in Oregon.
He warned me about a particular bus, but I thought he was teasing me, until I saw the amrquee for the bus. The bus in question runs between Beaverton, and Tualitin Valley. The abbreviated sign read "Beaver to Tuat Valley". Yes, my mind went there. Yes, I was horribly embarrased.

Oh man, we just had a good laugh reading this with our ex-roomie, from Tualitin.  He will never live this down.  I think I'll introduce him as being from Tuat Valley from now on >:D
Even now, years later, we sill will giggle like schoolgirls over it. Being the friend I visited is in the military, something about him giggling like a school girl makes me giggle all the more.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Thipu1 on March 05, 2008, 07:04:25 PM
I have a classic story to offer.   

Some years ago a friend and I were standing on the will-call line to pick up our tickets for a concert.  One of the featured soloists was a cellist who lived in our town.  I was in front of my friend and turned around so that we could easily talk.  That position gave me a good view of the people on line behind her. 

As it would, our talk turned to the cellist.  My friend said with perfect innocence, "He's a lovely man.  I had his kid, you know".

Immediately, I could see the 'slapped-with-the-fish' face on the woman behind her and heard muttering about 'shameless hussies'.  I started to chuckle and my friend asked why.

When we got our tickets, I told her what I had seen and we both had a good laugh.  What my friend said was absolutely right but not in the way the woman behind her read what she heard.

My friend was a teacher. The musician's child had been a student in her third grade class.  That what 'having someone's kid' meant in teacher-speak.               

 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Thipu1 on March 05, 2008, 07:16:42 PM
Ah, just thought of another.

SCA people will know this one.

There's a piece of body armour known as the cuirasse.  The term is pronounced much like 'Qu*er A*s'.  There are many scholarly articles that discuss Imperial Roman cuirassed statues.  Can you see the possible problems?     
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: readingchick on March 07, 2008, 06:14:14 PM
Okay, this was recounted by my SO......

Sports announcer says "When in doubt, pull out"......and yes, we were both laughing.......
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sandi Papaya on March 10, 2008, 02:11:02 AM
At work, we have something called "Pickle ticklers."

"Pickle" is a program for disabled people (disabled adult children? I think?), based on a lawsuit where the plaintiff's name was "Pickle."

"Ticklers" are reminder notices.

Around the first of the year, we get a lot of interoffice communications regarding Pickle ticklers. It's everything I can do not to burst out laughing whenever another one of those things about "Pickle ticklers" pops up in my email. No pun intended.  >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: tapperjockey on March 10, 2008, 06:31:01 AM
This one is slightly dirty :)   On another forum I am a member of, there is a member (wingadingdingy) whom took pics of the snow they got (about 6") in Tx.  That's a lot for there I guess, so another forum member (Peter) shows the picture of MN weather, where it's 4'.

So I said, innocently,  "See wingadingdingy, Peter has to measure his in feet not inches.. that's a lot".  Yeah, I realized it the next day, after 100 members or so mentioned it..  ::)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Virg on March 13, 2008, 03:33:21 PM
How convenient that this thread came around today.  I just did this one today.

I had just emptied a can of soup into a bowl and put it in the microwave, and then a coworker handed me some recycling (I have the bin in my office).  As I was standing watching my soup get hot, I noticed that one of my coworkers was staring generally in my direction.  Thinking I was in the way of her view of the wall where we have papers posted, I moved, and her gaze followed the stuff in my hands.  I swear, I didn't even think before asking, "Oh, are you staring at my cans?"

She actually turned red.

Virg
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: GotSquatch on March 14, 2008, 12:30:18 AM
In my office, the joke is with my blue balls.

http://www.bathandbodyworks.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2095765&cp=2484528.3025993&parentPage=family

One is nice, but two is better!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: PeasNCues on March 14, 2008, 08:17:09 AM
I was learning about the Bulbous bow today - it's a part of a ship that reduces water resistance... but... bulbous bow sounds really dirty for some reason.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: FoxPaws on March 14, 2008, 11:12:30 AM
As does Rear Admiral. My friend and I have a running joke about dressing up as Naughty Rear Admirals for Halloween and threatening people with poopdeck swabbings.
Did you know there are two classes of Rear Admirals? Lower Half and Upper Half. Go ahead - look it up.  ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Team HoundMom on March 14, 2008, 11:24:22 AM
There`s a technical term that is used in our reports here at work: `flocculate`.  I always giggle when I see that word. :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sleepingmediocre on March 15, 2008, 05:18:29 PM
At the courthouse where I work, the maintenance man is often helped out by prisoners who are called "trustees."  They help with heavy lifting and the jobs that nobody else wants to do, like cleaning toilets, and they come to work wearing black-and-white striped prison jumpsuits.  Sometimes, a former trustee will come back for a visit to say hello, and it's always kind of weird to see them in street clothes after looking at them in the jumpsuit for so long.  Once, a co-worker and I were shopping on our lunch break, and we ran into a former (male) trustee in the store.  We'd all liked him and gotten to know him because sometimes, on slow afternoons, he would come in to chat and joke around and make us laugh.  I recognized him and waved, but my co-worker didn't--she kept giving him the "don't I know you?" look.  He finally walked over and said:

T:  Miss X, don't you remember me?

CW:  You look familiar.

T:  I used to come by your office all the time.  Remember?  You always said I put a smile on your face on those slow afternoons.

CW:  Oh, YEAH!  I didn't recognize you at first, because this is the first time I've ever seen you wearing CLOTHES! 

It took me the rest of lunch break to calm down.  For the rest of the afternoon, I could barely even look at CW because I'd start giggling again.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Pinky830 on March 15, 2008, 05:31:15 PM
I work in a 24-hour animal hospital that has separate inventory for day and emergency, so a lot of things are labeled for one or the other. I glanced over at a jar of cotton balls soaking in a blue antiseptic the other day and finally noticed it was labeled "Emergency's blue balls."

Another one: I keep Listerine strips in my purse, and one day having lunch with DH and his friend I pulled them out. I said, "Anybody want a strip?"

Too bad I didn't raise them above the table where everyone could see what I was talking about. A puzzled hush fell across the table...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Clara Bow on March 15, 2008, 11:55:29 PM
Did you know there are two classes of Rear Admirals? Lower Half and Upper Half. Go ahead - look it up.  ;)

Oooooh thank you for that!!! **falls down laughing in an utterly immature manner**


I so have a vision of leather chaps and latex tricorn hats.....and black satin wrapped mops....
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Twik on March 16, 2008, 09:32:59 PM
In my PM folder, at the very top where I see it each time, there is a message from another poster that says, in its entirety:

"He really liked his, although it was quite small."

Each time I see it, I have to think hard to realize that this is a reference to a present the poster had given her husband that was smaller than she had imagined when she ordered it on a web site.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Nightboomfer on March 18, 2008, 08:25:39 AM
I frequent a toy news and reviews board as figure collecting is somewhat of a hobby of mine (more like a lifestyle!) There was one post by one of the reviewers talking about how great a particular toy was and urging us to "Take it out and play with it." (as opposed to keeping it mint on card)

Another time, I was at a keg party with a friend of mine. He was pouring out some alcohol for me and I remarked "OK dude, you're giving me way too much head (foam)."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: housewife2k on March 18, 2008, 09:45:21 AM
I frequent a toy news and reviews board as figure collecting is somewhat of a hobby of mine (more like a lifestyle!) There was one post by one of the reviewers talking about how great a particular toy was and urging us to "Take it out and play with it." (as opposed to keeping it mint on card)

Another time, I was at a keg party with a friend of mine. He was pouring out some alcohol for me and I remarked "OK dude, you're giving me way too much head (foam)."
To add on to this last one, with dinner last night, many of the people at my house had beer or Guiness. Hubby and BIL are in the kitchen, gathering glasses for people, and BIL hollers out, "One Minute, we're waiting on some head!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Information_queen on March 27, 2008, 12:01:08 AM
The whole family was trying to avoid the obvious implication this past weekend.  My aunt came in for Easter and told my mom about this game, and they decided to make a set themselves.  Ladder Golf, if anyone's heard of it.  Well, you use golf balls, and we colored each set differently to tell them apart.  Some of them were blue, of course.  Those are the ones mom gave to dad.

We had the hardest time not teasing mom about giving dad blue balls. 

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: PeasNCues on March 28, 2008, 08:14:45 AM
What about Pennslyvania cities -
Virginville
Blueball
Bird In Hand
intercourse

Just to name a few
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: AmethystAnne on March 30, 2008, 04:37:19 PM
I work in Food Service.............condiments, anyone?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: ladiedeathe on March 31, 2008, 11:53:37 AM
I'm an American, married to a Brit. Last year his sis and her DH flew over to meet me for the first time. DH and I have a 22 yr age difference also, so both sides were very nervous about how this was gonna go.

Everything was friendly, if extremely careful, the first afternoon. No one cracked a bad joke, no one made a smart alec remark.

And then we hit dinner. And drinks. And a few more drinks with the drinks. DH's sis starts to relax. DH starts to chat about a friend of his from junior school- a guy named Willie his sis should remember (Mind you, DH's friends growing up were pretty much all Jewish)

"Wille?" Sis says, "I don't remember meeting a Willie while you were in school. I've never seen a Jewish Willie..."

THe look on her face was priceless.

Needless to say that ended any awkwardness.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Witty Username Goes Here on March 31, 2008, 07:32:47 PM
Today, DH and I had two shrubs removed from our yard.  I contemplated writing "removing my bush" on the memo line, and then the thirteen-itis went away! ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: In The Breeze on March 31, 2008, 09:10:44 PM
My mother has a beautiful garden out the front of the house, with perfectly manicured hedges.

I asked her what she did on the weekend, and was told "I trimmed my bush".

She had to ask me to explain why Mr Breeze had gone red in the face.  The poor man was trying so hard not to laugh.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Team HoundMom on March 31, 2008, 11:07:35 PM
When I was little I thought the word "pianist" sounded naughty.  I still don't like to say it - I'll say "piano player" or something.   ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: housewife2k on March 31, 2008, 11:38:14 PM
Earlier today, Friend walked into the living room and loudly proclaimed "Where are my nuts? I thought I left them right here on the couch before I took a shower!"
I lost it. He was looking for his bag of pistachios, but still.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: FluteOfDoom on April 22, 2008, 08:11:39 PM
So, I'm standing in the kitchen cooking something, and I hear my father proclaim loudly to my mother "I think I'll go look up some ho's online." I whipped around with a "WHAT" before it dawned on me.

My father is a bagpiper, and he needed some new, high socks (hose).  ::)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Pinky830 on April 24, 2008, 01:11:29 PM
At the courthouse where I work, the maintenance man is often helped out by prisoners who are called "trustees."  They help with heavy lifting and the jobs that nobody else wants to do, like cleaning toilets, and they come to work wearing black-and-white striped prison jumpsuits.  Sometimes, a former trustee will come back for a visit to say hello, and it's always kind of weird to see them in street clothes after looking at them in the jumpsuit for so long.  Once, a co-worker and I were shopping on our lunch break, and we ran into a former (male) trustee in the store.  We'd all liked him and gotten to know him because sometimes, on slow afternoons, he would come in to chat and joke around and make us laugh.  I recognized him and waved, but my co-worker didn't--she kept giving him the "don't I know you?" look.  He finally walked over and said:

T:  Miss X, don't you remember me?

CW:  You look familiar.

T:  I used to come by your office all the time.  Remember?  You always said I put a smile on your face on those slow afternoons.

CW:  Oh, YEAH!  I didn't recognize you at first, because this is the first time I've ever seen you wearing CLOTHES! 

It took me the rest of lunch break to calm down.  For the rest of the afternoon, I could barely even look at CW because I'd start giggling again.

I used to work out at the gym at the same time as a water aerobics class, which was generally populated with elderly ladies. One of them told me that a young, very fit man had taken the class for awhile when he was rehabilitating an injury.

She ran into him a few months later at a store, and when he saw her he brightened and spoke to her. She didn't recognize him at first and then blurted out in front of a crowd of people, "Oh, sorry! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Team HoundMom on April 24, 2008, 02:52:19 PM
One of my co-workers is of East Indian descent and his name is "Oral."  He and a female co-worker were presenting at a conference last year and she was ribbing him about something.  Then she goes, "Haha, just kidding. I love Oral."

The room went quiet and a few "*snerks*" could be heard.....
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: SquishyMooMoo on April 25, 2008, 01:48:18 AM
At my day job, there's a group of high school kids who comes in just as my group is leaving to work for a few hours. They do 8 week long programs called JAMS, and in between those programs they'll do something called Super JAMS--basically, 6 or so of the best workers from the JAMS session are invited to do a little in-between session. In January there was a Super JAMS session that happened to be all girls. Some of these kids can't drive yet, so there's always someone who goes to pick them up from school.

The JAMS program director is a guy named Mr. Jim--he's probably in his 60's or so. We still joke about him walking out the door and calling over his shoulder, "I'm going to pick up high school girls!!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Kendo_Bunny on April 26, 2008, 02:36:26 PM
One that happened at the college most of my friends attend:

There's a student card known as JAC (Jack). It's basically a debit card- you or your parents can load money onto it, and it's accepted all over campus. Not too long ago, retailers in town began accepting the card, prompting a massive campaign to alert students to this fact. Their slogan?
"Now you can JAC off campus!"

(Note that they didn't only print signs with this message: they also announced it on the radio. They stopped when all the signs were stolen, and someone suggested what might have prompted the thefts)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on April 29, 2008, 12:22:00 PM
The other day, BF and I went to the hardware store to buy some caulk.  While he picked out his caulk, I stood to the side and made my usual dirty jokes (I just can't resist caulk jokes).  You know, black caulk, small/big caulk, oh honey, you want me to hold your caulk?  Even AlexPlus caulk, which is even funnier because BF's first name is Alex.
He just rolls his eyes at me  ;)

So, BF grabs his caulk (see what I mean, I just can't resist), we go to the register, and the caulk won't scan.  We generally make some kind of comment when that happens, something like "uncooperative" (we avoid the "it must be free!" comments for the sake of the cashier ;).  What word comes to BF's mind this time?  Testy  ;D

I fought the giggles (didn't work) while BF and the cashier looked at me like I'm crazy, then BF finally gets it, rolls his eyes even more, at which point I couldn't hold it in any more, and went laughing out the door leaving him to finish paying.  The poor cashier probably thinks I'm a lunatic now :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: rosiecat on April 29, 2008, 04:59:19 PM
ROTFL!!!!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Heavenly on April 29, 2008, 05:29:10 PM
That took me a few minutes to figure out.

You see I pronounce it cawlk (strong L)...and the other pronunciation didn't even cross my mind.   ::) :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on April 29, 2008, 05:36:23 PM
I don't know if it's the Chicago accent, or what, but that L is much weaker here :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Kimblee on April 29, 2008, 10:19:30 PM
Heh... at work today there was an misfire at the butt. ;D

Gun but, that is.  Jammed guns are kinda funny.

Guns themselves are funny.

My friend and I went to the range (He's a gun nut, and I'm secretly madly in love with him.)

I asked him to teach me to shoot.

"Well alright. I'll let you touch my gun, but you know i don't let the other guys do it." I laughed so hard at him.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Kimblee on April 29, 2008, 10:25:36 PM
A roomful of girls, gently and brightly saying "Swallow it when it hits the back of your throat...that's it, swallow...swallow....swallow...."
NG tube placement lab.

WIN

You win the thread. Your prize is this lovely picked okra I'm eating.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Kendo_Bunny on April 29, 2008, 10:40:32 PM
Heh... at work today there was an misfire at the butt. ;D

Gun but, that is.  Jammed guns are kinda funny.

Guns themselves are funny.

My friend and I went to the range (He's a gun nut, and I'm secretly madly in love with him.)

I asked him to teach me to shoot.

"Well alright. I'll let you touch my gun, but you know i don't let the other guys do it." I laughed so hard at him.

I wrote a piece about going shooting with my sweetheart, and a bunch of women complimented it with 'It was so sexy! It was almost erotic- man, I really want to go shooting with my SO now...'
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lillie82 on April 17, 2010, 10:12:45 PM
A magician performed at my college a few years ago. He invited a high-level administration person on stage to help out with a trick in which a small paper figurine was apparently brought to life, i.e., it seemed to be jumping and dancing about.

But he introduced the trick by saying, "We are going to create life." I'm not sure if he realized how it sounded until everyone cracked up.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Peggy Gus on April 17, 2010, 11:30:54 PM
My Boss has a loud voice that carries, we were having an addition added to our building so he took frequent phone calls. He was walking down the hall talking on his cell phone and he said "i've been taking bids for erections" the guy must have said "what" because he repeated himself even louder. You could hear laughter from one end of the hall to the other. To this day if he is cranky we tease him that maybe he should call and get some bids.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on April 18, 2010, 12:17:28 AM
My SO and I are really into computers.  We build them, install everything ourselves, troubleshoot.  But the funny comes with a very basic function: installing a wireless device.

There's just something vaguely... unseemly about telling your SO: "Now, just grab your dongle and make sure it fits snugly in the slot"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Kimblee on April 18, 2010, 11:53:34 AM
My SO and I are really into computers.  We build them, install everything ourselves, troubleshoot.  But the funny comes with a very basic function: installing a wireless device.

There's just something vaguely... unseemly about telling your SO: "Now, just grab your dongle and make sure it fits snugly in the slot"

Unseemly? Naw...

Your SO is who SHOULD be fitting a dongle firmly in the slot.

(Oh geeze... it does sound wrong, doesn't it?)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MizB on April 18, 2010, 01:14:08 PM
The background to this is kind of long so I apologize before hand.

My Bf invited me to his office Christmas Party that was held at a Japanese restaurant. He wanted an authentic drink and had seen one with Asian writing that was pink he decided to try. No one knew what it was called, so we all called it "the pink drink" or something to that effect. Now we were all teasing him for getting the pink drink based on its color. But he was good natured about it and was offering samples to the attendees (small company).

Well one of the workers didn't want a drink and said "I'm sorry I just don't want to try *big pause* the drink."

At that point I piped up and said "I wouldn't have minded if you tried his pink thing."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on April 19, 2010, 11:28:51 AM
Today at my college, in a statistics class; we were learning how to make crosstabs of different variables (from a poll) in a statistic analysis program and our professor was explaining to us how to select the variables. The two variables we had to make a crosstab of were the respondent's sex and the respondent's answer to the question "How often do you discuss politics with family or friends?"
So at one point in the explanation: "Now you have to tell it that you want sex" >:D >:D >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Giggity on April 19, 2010, 11:33:17 AM
From when Letterman was funny (so, like, 1988):

Top 10 Expressions that Sound Dirty but Really Aren't

10. "Frosting the pastry"
 9. "Shooting hoops"
 8. "Jumping the turnstile"
 7. "Checking your oil"
 6. "Tethering the blimp"
 5. "Sending out for sushi"
 4. "Picnic on the grass"
 3. "Quarter-pounder at the Golden Arches"
 2. "Shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln"
 1. "Windsurfing on Mount Baldy"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on April 19, 2010, 01:25:54 PM
I don't recall if I posted this, but there's a "Bong State Recreation Area" in Wisconsin.  (it's named for Richard Bong)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Punky B. on April 20, 2010, 10:59:17 AM
Heh... at work today there was an misfire at the butt. ;D

Gun but, that is.  Jammed guns are kinda funny.

Was it not cocked properly?  ;D

Guns are funny.  DH always rolls his eyes at the amount of giggling I do.  ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: M-theory on April 26, 2010, 09:14:51 PM
OK, this one requires a little BG info. I play an XBOX game in which you gather resources by launching probes (like Cassini or Galileo) at planets. Rather than just launching blind, you scan the planet, and the controller vibrates when you hover over a significant cache of resources. Sometimes there are caches that aren't big enough to set off the controller. All this leading up to:

"No vibration, no probe."

Boyfriend just looked at me for a significant second and then cracked up laughing.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Silversurfer on April 27, 2010, 12:51:17 AM
Slightly off topic. This one could be more a foot in mouth disease, but it sounded rather dirty.

In year 12 on of our teachers Mr Doherty was teaching girls touch rugby. At an assembly one of the school captains (in year 12) got up to read some announcements. He said "Mr Doherty wants to touch girls at lunchtime." He went red and stammered a bit!

Was meant to be "Mr Doherty wants to meet/ have a meeting with all the touch rugby girls at lunchtime.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on April 27, 2010, 10:29:08 AM
One of my friends was planning a wedding.  One day, we were talking and she asked me if I happened to get her STD.

Loooong pause.

"SAVE THE DATE!  SAVE THE DATE!  Sorry!  I'm just so used to abbreviating it!"

My DH prefers an orange powdered drink that has an unfortunate name.  I turn into a 12 year old boy every time he asks me to buy the big can at Sam's.  "Boy, they have EVERYTHING."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Hushabye on April 27, 2010, 10:31:22 AM
We were ordering pizza in the dorm one night my freshman year of college.  Someone asked what kind of toppings everyone liked.

I sang out, "I like the sausage!!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Luci on April 27, 2010, 01:00:19 PM
Not dirty, but very personal:

Does PSA stand for
         Prostate Specific Antigen
                    Or
        Public Service Announcement

              ????????????????
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on April 28, 2010, 04:18:01 PM
Not dirty, but very personal:

Does PSA stand for
         Prostate Specific Antigen
                    Or
        Public Service Announcement

              ????????????????
Depends on the context.  Same with SOB - in the medical field, it means "Shortness of Breath"; as an insult it's "Son of a Female Dog"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Slartibartfast on April 28, 2010, 08:14:06 PM
Duke University has a G*a*y Love auditorium - in the Gross Chemistry building.  (It's actually the "G*a*y and Erskine Love" auditorium, but poor Erskine is always left out!)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Tashigi on April 29, 2010, 12:11:21 AM
Not dirty, but very personal:

Does PSA stand for
         Prostate Specific Antigen
                    Or
        Public Service Announcement

              ????????????????
Depends on the context.  Same with SOB - in the medical field, it means "Shortness of Breath"; as an insult it's "Son of a Female Dog"

I can only wonder at the jokes the medical professionals make with that particular abbreviation.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Slartibartfast on April 29, 2010, 10:02:31 AM
Not dirty, but very personal:

Does PSA stand for
         Prostate Specific Antigen
                    Or
        Public Service Announcement

              ????????????????
Depends on the context.  Same with SOB - in the medical field, it means "Shortness of Breath"; as an insult it's "Son of a Female Dog"

I can only wonder at the jokes the medical professionals make with that particular abbreviation.

Actually, at my father's clinic, they had one guy get really irate and start yelling because he noticed the nurse wrote that he's an S.O.B. on his chart.  She couldn't get the guy to understand that SOB is a medical abbreviation, not a colloquial one.  They now write SOB or HOH (hard of hearing) in much smaller letters.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CosmicChicken42 on April 29, 2010, 10:48:05 AM
About 6 years ago I was in a group called Youth and Government.  Basically, you take over the state's capital for a day and run it like you would a government.  I decided last minute to run for a reporter position..which required a speech.  I had none planned so I decided to wing it.
I told over 500 people that I wanted to penetrate every area of the system followed by a deer caught in the headlights look. 
Needless to say, I WON!
...however, just last month someone ran up to me and yelled I know you, you are the penetrator!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on April 29, 2010, 11:39:26 AM
My college has a Research Center in Applied ethics, for which I volounteer. We have weekly meetings, when we present our work and projects. They are usually scheduled late-afternoon/evening so it happens that sometimes not all of us can stay until the end of the meeting.
Well, one of our projects is to design auto-training materials on ethical issues, that are to be used by people within a range of work environments. One day, two "auto-trainings" of this kind were to be presented: one about plagiarism in the academic world, and one about sexual harassment at the workplace. The one about plagiarism is presented, then a group of girls excuse themselves and walk out.
So our professor says: Girls, aren't you gonna stay for sexual harassment?  :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Giggity on April 29, 2010, 11:50:32 AM
So our professor says: Girls, aren't you gonna stay for sexual harassment?  :P

"No way! Too many trainees. I only appreciate it when it's done by a professional."  >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Luci on April 29, 2010, 12:04:48 PM
Peacock. This is what I realized many years ago. Sigh, I just remembered while posting on another thread. Misspell the first syllable and use an alternate definition (not male avian) for the second syllable, and you have something way too graphic.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: vorbau on April 29, 2010, 04:12:52 PM
My dad was at a botanical gardens in CA when a woman on the tour went ballistic on the tour guide, insisting he refer to male pea-birds as "pea roosters." She didn't want her children hearing "dirty words."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ender on April 29, 2010, 04:24:46 PM
One of my best friends recently bought an organ. Literally, it's an old organ consisting of lots of pipes and equipment that takes up most of his house. He's repairing and fixing it up, and eventually he'll sell or donate it to a theater.

It will never not be funny to go over there and ask how his organ is doing. Bonus points if you ask him about softening the leather.  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Punky B. on April 29, 2010, 04:29:26 PM
My dad was at a botanical gardens in CA when a woman on the tour went ballistic on the tour guide, insisting he refer to male pea-birds as "pea roosters." She didn't want her children hearing "dirty words."

Better keep them away from the Cockatoos!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Layla Miller on April 29, 2010, 04:57:24 PM
My dad was at a botanical gardens in CA when a woman on the tour went ballistic on the tour guide, insisting he refer to male pea-birds as "pea roosters." She didn't want her children hearing "dirty words."

Better keep them away from the Cockatoos!

A-hem.  You do mean Roosteratoos, right?  ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Alida on April 29, 2010, 10:32:16 PM
I reviewed a claim for "quick female couplings" today.  Yes, I giggled. Sometimes, I'm really twelve.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Slartibartfast on April 29, 2010, 10:41:57 PM
Thought of this thread tonight while trying not to giggle madly during our choir dress rehearsal.  In one particular passage of music, the altos sing very low in our register and the basses sing very high in theirs, so the parts overlap.  Our director was trying to get the altos to sing more in their "chest voice" and the basses to sing more in their "head voice."  Except she told the basses they needed to "give us more head."

I wasn't the only one turning purple to keep from giggling  :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on May 01, 2010, 12:27:03 AM
On a certain message board, there was a filter replacing authomatically offensive words with less offensive synonimes.
So, people were talking about old movies aand someone mentioned the actor D i c k Van D y k e. What came out when posted, however, was "Pen is  Van  Les bi an".  >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: SkyTalon on May 01, 2010, 05:12:02 AM
I reviewed a claim for "quick female couplings" today.  Yes, I giggled. Sometimes, I'm really twelve.

Truth is, we all stop maturing at the age of twelve, and just fake it for the rest of our lives.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Fliss on May 01, 2010, 07:57:28 AM
One that sends me over the edge is when I hear or read about an American "rooting" for something.

Totally different meaning in Australia.

Can't remember if I've posted this story before, but here goes:

In '98, an American actress was at an Oz convention with her Brit husband. Someone asked what sports team she liked.

Her quote: "I root for the New York Yankees."

Dead silence for 10 seconds, then hysterical laughter from 5000 Australians. Her husband rushes up, pulls her away from the mike, and mutters furiously to her. She turns back, face red, and loudly says "barrack! I mean barrack!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Kimblee on May 01, 2010, 05:16:38 PM
My dad was at a botanical gardens in CA when a woman on the tour went ballistic on the tour guide, insisting he refer to male pea-birds as "pea roosters." She didn't want her children hearing "dirty words."

Better keep them away from the Cockatoos!

A-hem.  You do mean Roosteratoos, right?  ;)

I had seveal breeding pairs of cockatiels at one time, and a little girl was at our house looking at one of my new babies. (She was beautifully behaved, this is NOT a brat story. :) ) She was telling me about her father's cockatoo at home, and how it sometimes sits on the arm of the couch and lets her play with it and pet it. (At which point I realized WHY she was so good at "pet gently" when no other tiny child I have been around has been... she was pre-trained.) So then she tells me how pretty my birds are, and how excited she is that one of them is going home with her.

Then she chirps "I just LOVE c**ks!"

I remarkably refrained from laughing and agreed that birds are lovely. Her father had to clear sweet tea from his nose. I hope he explains to her that she might wanna rethink how she phrases that. (For the record, the bird she took home is still her loving pet, and she will be starting Junior High next year... I feel OLD!)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Carnation on May 01, 2010, 07:55:07 PM

So, people were talking about old movies aand someone mentioned the actor D i c k Van D y k e. What came out when posted, however, was "Pen is  Van  Les bi an".  >:D

Years ago, on a talk show, Mary Tyler Moore joked that this was D.Van Dy-ke's original name before it was changed when he got into show business.

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: extranormal on May 02, 2010, 12:22:19 PM
I'm well into my 40s and still get the giggles when hockey announcers say the puck goes "off [Player's] stick." They just don't have time to enunciate that into non-filthiness. Sometimes they try, "Off the stick of [Player]," but that just ruins it for us all.  :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on May 02, 2010, 09:06:12 PM
"Back pressure"
"Stick handling"
"He has soft hands"
"Two on one play"
"Five hole"

Hockey's full of 'em.
(Go Flyers!)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: M-theory on May 03, 2010, 10:15:19 AM
Randomly saw a label earlier: "Maximum length in minimum time." I did a double-take, although it turned out to be shampoo.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Clara Bow on May 07, 2010, 02:25:15 PM
Every third phrase in medicine is filthy.

"Firmy grasp shaft and advance slowly, pausing for patient comfort"....."Rotate on withdrawal"...."Hold your breath throughout insertion to match patient respiration"......

Trach care and suction...teehee.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MizB on May 07, 2010, 02:28:34 PM
Every third phrase in medicine is filthy.

"Firmy grasp shaft and advance slowly, pausing for patient comfort"....."Rotate on withdrawal"...."Hold your breath throughout insertion to match patient respiration"......

Trach care and suction...teehee.


Why do you have to hold your breath to match patient respiration?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on May 07, 2010, 02:29:08 PM
Every third phrase in medicine is filthy.

"Firmy grasp shaft and advance slowly, pausing for patient comfort"....."Rotate on withdrawal"...."Hold your breath throughout insertion to match patient respiration"......

Trach care and suction...teehee.

BWAHAHAHA!  That one nearly made ME blush!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Clara Bow on May 08, 2010, 11:33:04 AM
Every third phrase in medicine is filthy.

"Firmy grasp shaft and advance slowly, pausing for patient comfort"....."Rotate on withdrawal"...."Hold your breath throughout insertion to match patient respiration"......

Trach care and suction...teehee.


Why do you have to hold your breath to match patient respiration?

While the suction tube is down your trach, you cannot breathe. We hold our breath to make sure we don't leave you hanging...it's one of those things they taught us to make sure we didn't forget how the patient felt while you were suctioning. It's scary to not be able to breathe.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ferrets on May 08, 2010, 03:16:28 PM
My dad was asking if I knew where he could get hold of a decent graphics editing program; I sent him a link to the GIMP (GNU Image Manipulation Program) freeware.

One of the several definitions of the word being that of a certain participant in S&M Scrabble activity, my inner twelve-year-old cracked up when my mum quite innocently persisted in referring to it as "That gimp you sent your father..."  

(She demanded to know why I was sniggering; I replied that she wasn't old enough to be told. ;))
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on May 09, 2010, 01:02:41 PM
Oh, I'm using GIMP.  Does this make me a photo editing dominatrix? :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: purplemuse on May 16, 2010, 04:26:18 PM
That was what we used to call that plastic lacing you make bracelets out of  :o
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Miss Vertigo on May 16, 2010, 05:25:54 PM
I have so much love for this thread  ;D

I play in a couple of community bands and our musical director is the master of the well-timed double-entendre without actually having any idea that he's doing it. It's brilliant - he comes out with this stuff then carries on without missing a beat, leaving the rest of us rolling in the aisles and him completely oblivious as to what he's just said.  A few of my favourites:

- on complimenting the trumpet section on coming in at the right time/volume "That's what I like - a nice firm entrance!"

- on maneuvering a tuba into a cupboard: "Do you think it'll fit better if we put the bell end in first?"

- and don't even get me started on the trombone section, which with its slides, bells and abbreviation to 'bones' is just a veritable minefield of innuendo that happens at least once a week.

- ETA: And I forgot the best one, my personal favourite: Last week, we discovered that there's no difference in the speed required between fingering and tongueing.

Musicianship, I tell ya, it's a hotbed of filth that isn't really filth at all. Still, it makes rehearsals interesting  ;D

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MizB on May 16, 2010, 05:40:04 PM
Miss Vertigo, I'll have to eventually pm you how I personally describe dissonance, although I do it on purpose, and also what my former choir director said about cadences. Well, that is if you want to know lol.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Miss Vertigo on May 16, 2010, 05:47:28 PM
Miss Vertigo, I'll have to eventually pm you how I personally describe dissonance, although I do it on purpose, and also what my former choir director said about cadences. Well, that is if you want to know lol.

Haha, I totally want to know now!!!

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on June 01, 2010, 01:20:58 PM
On someone's facebook status:
"Amazing how sexual carpentry is - screw, hardwood, tool, strip, nail"... Can you think of any more?
and replies:
"-bang the nail hard 2 make sure its in deeply ;-)"
"-Put your caulk in my crack"
 :P :P :P :P :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on June 01, 2010, 02:50:26 PM
http://www.slurls.com/forum/100-website-naming-disasters-t176.html  >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ferrets on June 01, 2010, 03:09:06 PM
We are in the middle of some major physical reorganisation of the office at work. I - happy as a pig in muck at this rare opportunity to be paid for wielding tools and disassembling/reassembling stuff - have lately been spending a great deal of my workday prowling about, screwdriver in hand, hunting for the next target.

Boss: "Ferrets, you might as well try and get some [normal] work done for the next half-hour. We can't do anything further till the lads come off tea-break and start shifting the filing cabinets."   

Me: "C'mon, I'm just desperate to screw something!"

Boss: "Easy, tiger."

Musicianship, I tell ya, it's a hotbed of filth that isn't really filth at all.

;D Isn't it just!

One classic from our choir conductor was: "Ladies: brace yourselves for the tenors' entry!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Miss Vertigo on June 01, 2010, 03:17:22 PM

Musicianship, I tell ya, it's a hotbed of filth that isn't really filth at all.

;D Isn't it just!

One classic from our choir conductor was: "Ladies: brace yourselves for the tenors' entry!"

Oh, that's marvellous. We've not had that one yet. When we do, no doubt it'll be the trombones' entry. *winces*

BTW, may I please applaud you wildly for having a quote from The Bailey in your sig line? Win.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on June 06, 2010, 09:32:27 AM
Found on the net:

TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THE OFFICE BUT AREN'T:

    10. I need to whip it out by 5.   
    9. Mind if I use your laptop?   
    8. Just stick it in my box.   
    7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!   
    6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
    5. Hmmmmmm... I think it's out of fluid!
    4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
    3. It's an entry-level position.
    2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?


    1. It's not fair, I do all the work while he just sits   there!

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN GOLF BUT AREN'T:   

    10. Nuts... my shaft is bent.   
    9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.   
    8. You really whacked the hell out of that s u c k e r.   
    7. Look at the size of his putter.   
    6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.   
    5. Mind if I join your threesome?   
    4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.   
    3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 
    2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be   desired.

    1. Hold up... I need to wash my balls first.

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN LAW BUT AREN'T:

    10. Have you looked through her briefs?
    9. He is one hard judge!
    8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
    7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
    6. Is it a penal offense?
    5 .Better leave the handcuffs on.   
    4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!   
    3. Can you get him to drop his suit?   
    2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

    1. Think you can get me off?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on June 08, 2010, 01:36:52 AM
The first time I typed an operation that called for the Jamshidi needle I didn't believe what I was hearing.  Strangely enough, the lead transcriptionist knew exactly what it was I didn't believe I was hearing.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on June 08, 2010, 03:25:40 PM

"Back pressure"
"Stick handling"
"He has soft hands"
"Two on one play"
"Five hole"

Hockey's full of 'em.
(Go FlyersHawks!)

Fixed that for you.   ;) :P

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on June 08, 2010, 03:33:14 PM
Heh.  Flyers in 7.  It's going to come here for game 6, then back to Chicago for game 7, then back here for the parade.

This is the year of Orange and Black.

Let's Go Flyers.  =D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on June 08, 2010, 03:40:26 PM
Heh.  Flyers in 7.  It's going to come here for game 6, then back to Chicago for game 7, then back here for the parade.

This is the year of Orange and Black.

Let's Go Flyers.  =D

 ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on June 08, 2010, 03:44:58 PM
(Last hockey post, I promise.  Unless I make another one   ;))

I think we can both agree, though, that at least Sidney Crosby isn't hoisting a Cup this year.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on June 08, 2010, 04:48:00 PM
No.  No he isn't.   :D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: baglady on June 08, 2010, 05:35:44 PM
Quote
TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN LAW BUT AREN'T:

    10. Have you looked through her briefs?
    9. He is one hard judge!
    8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
    7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
    6. Is it a penal offense?
    5 .Better leave the handcuffs on.   
    4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!   
    3. Can you get him to drop his suit?   
    2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

    1. Think you can get me off?

Don't forget "hung jury"!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: snowfire on June 08, 2010, 10:37:42 PM
And from the world of plumbing: n1pple extractor.

Can you tell I was working on my sprinklers today???
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: jayhawk on July 01, 2010, 10:24:23 AM
I've not read through all of these (yet), but I did want to add this.  I've been seeing that AFLAC commercial on TV where the guy has the ringtone that goes "ringadingdingy, ding!  Since being on these boards, I keep hearing "whingadingdingy ding!"

I'm kind of tempted to download that ringtone anyway. :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Harriet Jones on July 01, 2010, 10:38:58 AM
If I just *hear* the commercial for AcipHex it always makes me go  ???  :-X

The capital H in the middle doesn't make it sound any less like &ss effects.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Punky B. on July 01, 2010, 12:28:29 PM
If I just *hear* the commercial for AcipHex it always makes me go  ???  :-X

The capital H in the middle doesn't make it sound any less like &ss effects.

Haha, I hear that too.  I picture the effects to be vinyls and undercarriage neon lights, like on a car.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on July 01, 2010, 11:21:14 PM
If I just *hear* the commercial for AcipHex it always makes me go  ???  :-X

The capital H in the middle doesn't make it sound any less like &ss effects.

It's a pain to type in a medical document, too.  I've got it set up so that my shortcut software automatically changes the H to a capital letter.  (Love my shortcut software!  And then I typed "AcipHex" and it turned out that I had the P capitalized and not the H.  I've fixed that now.)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on July 17, 2010, 12:41:25 AM
"Okaay...let's do it" (a few seconds later) "Spread your legs a bit more" (a few seconds later) "Now we're gonna move back and forth, try to keep a constant rythm".
The trainer at the gym.
Yeah, that's full of faux filth too. :P (or maybe I'm obsessed)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Carnation on July 18, 2010, 08:57:58 PM
From The Music Man..

Balzac
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: ydpubs on July 21, 2010, 02:21:51 AM
I was in customer service. The computers were going haywire all day because of server issues. There was new guy, a trainee who was having a tough time handling the calls because of the computer problems. Finally he flags down one of our supervisors who was circulating the ailes. She asked the trainee to tell her what was going on. It's pretty loud on the floor, so he shouts out:

"It's up. I'm in. It's stuck and not moving."

The whole room went dead silent, followed by a HUGE roar of laughter. The poor guy was beet red from embarrassment. LOL!!!!!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on July 25, 2010, 10:34:05 PM
I was just telling Mr. Sirius about the thread about the engineers, and how the OP had sticky notes all over her screen with things like "Joe 17 inch laptop" etc. on them.  I then said, "That wasn't the main thrust of the thread..." and had to stop because he was cracking up. 

He was washing the dishes as I'm telling him this. 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Elfmama on July 25, 2010, 11:21:03 PM
At the joint birthday party last weekend for me and Grandson #3, Elfqueen was blowing up balloons and having a really hard time of it.  I told her "Your problem is, you shouldn't blow from your lungs."

Ungrateful child collapsed in giggles.   ::)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MizB on July 26, 2010, 01:13:11 AM
I was talking with someone I know about a member of a group we participate in. His name is Wingadingdingy. She kept saying I like Wingadingdingy. She said it several times and all the while I was doing everything in my power to keep from blatantly laughing.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Twik on July 26, 2010, 07:10:42 AM
I was talking with someone I know about a member of a group we participate in. His name is Wingadingdingy. She kept saying I like Wingadingdingy. She said it several times and all the while I was doing everything in my power to keep from blatantly laughing.

The filter for the nickname for Richard creates some awesome effects sometimes!  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Delia DeLyons on July 26, 2010, 07:58:16 AM
I once spent several months working in a very bare bones operation that was still being built/expanded as it was being populated with workers.  As a result, our building's bathroom facilities hadn't been hooked up to a sewer as yet and we had to use Port-O-Johnnies (yeah - in 120F degree heat  >:()  Whenever one of us had to run an errand to the main headquarters building, we would make a point of using their bathroom, as indoor plumbing was considered quite the luxury.  We had to travel in pairs for safety anyway, so usually it was "Who needs to use the potty?" and that's how we got a travel buddy...

Which led to me one day telling the very important, but quite personable Chief of Staff:  "Oh, I just came over to take advantage of your plumbing!"

 :-[  I practically ran away from him as soon as the words escaped my mouth!  Ugh...  although the alternative meaning to the literal never seemed to cross his mind and he was a   bit confused as to why I made such a hasty retreat...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: M-theory on August 07, 2010, 03:12:02 AM
I go by the name Rissa among good friends. This loans itself to various jokes, as it sounds similar to "Reese's," among other things.

I bet you can already see where this is going!

Playing EVE Online with friends. Someone cracks "There's no wrong way to eat a Rissa." I counter with "Disagree, it's all about technique."

Luckily most people I become friends with are also perverts, or it would have been awkward after that...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ferrets on August 09, 2010, 10:21:02 AM
Playing EVE Online with friends. Someone cracks "There's no wrong way to eat a Rissa." I counter with "Disagree, it's all about technique."

:shakes fist: Curse you, woman: I'm in the middle of an office* and just had to stifle a highly undignified (and rather explosive) fit of the giggles reading that.

*Well, it's tea-break. But still. ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: POF on August 09, 2010, 10:41:44 AM
"Okaay...let's do it" (a few seconds later) "Spread your legs a bit more" (a few seconds later) "Now we're gonna move back and forth, try to keep a constant rythm".
The trainer at the gym.
Yeah, that's full of faux filth too. :P (or maybe I'm obsessed)

Not obsessed - my trainer will say these kinds things and I'll get the giggles and he doesn't know why ..... Can't think of any good examples - that's a great one though.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CakeEater on August 13, 2010, 03:13:11 AM
My religion class dissolved into fits of giggles when I read from the Bible at Christmas where the angel says to Mary, "The Holy Spirit will come on you and you will conceive a child." Made worse by me trying to make it better by saying, "Come over you, no, come upon you, no, visit you."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: POF on August 13, 2010, 04:42:58 AM
At the gym this week, my trainer is being shadowed by a new trainer.  My trainer ( Mr. Psycho) was trying to get my to hold this kettle ball weight correctly. He's a little bit hyper and he's telling me - grasp it firmly, squeeze it, now rotate it, keep up with this rythym ..... I looked at the new guy who's maybe early 20's and we LOST it.  Mr. Psycho ( early 40's ) is like ... WHAT ? WHAT ? ..... I was bent over in hysterics.  Mr. Psycho has a great sense of humour ... but I finally had to repeat back to him what he said .... and I told him THINK about it. 

Thankfully we were at the end of the session.

On the way out Mr. Psycho gets an evil grin and tells me to be prepared to die next week.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Giggity on August 13, 2010, 01:20:25 PM
From The Music Man..

Balzac

Marge: I cannot believe this! I'm trying to give our daughter a head start in life, and you aren't helping a bit!
Homer: Marge, name one successful person in life who ever lived without air conditioning.
Marge: Balzac!
Homer: No need for potty mouth just because you can't think of one.
Marge: But Balzac is the name-
Homer: [interrupting] "If ifs' and buts were candy and nuts..." um, how does the rest of that go?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Miss Vertigo on August 13, 2010, 02:24:57 PM
My religion class dissolved into fits of giggles when I read from the Bible at Christmas where the angel says to Mary, "The Holy Spirit will come on you and you will conceive a child." Made worse by me trying to make it better by saying, "Come over you, no, come upon you, no, visit you."
;D ;D ;D ;D

That's brilliant. There's just no way out of that one, is there?

Last night, we were once again visited by the double-entendre fairy at concert band rehearsal, when the MD raised his baton for the downbeat and demanded a nice firm entrance. Gawd, but I love that man and his accidental innuendo.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Kimblee on August 13, 2010, 03:26:55 PM
My religion class dissolved into fits of giggles when I read from the Bible at Christmas where the angel says to Mary, "The Holy Spirit will come on you and you will conceive a child." Made worse by me trying to make it better by saying, "Come over you, no, come upon you, no, visit you."

Too funny!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Slartibartfast on August 14, 2010, 01:35:10 AM
My religion class dissolved into fits of giggles when I read from the Bible at Christmas where the angel says to Mary, "The Holy Spirit will come on you and you will conceive a child." Made worse by me trying to make it better by saying, "Come over you, no, come upon you, no, visit you."
;D ;D ;D ;D

That's brilliant. There's just no way out of that one, is there?

Last night, we were once again visited by the double-entendre fairy at concert band rehearsal, when the MD raised his baton for the downbeat and demanded a nice firm entrance. Gawd, but I love that man and his accidental innuendo.

When our normally proper choir director got a faulty music stand which kept collapsing back down whenever he got it adjusted, and he told us he "just couldn't keep it up tonight" . . . yeah, we didn't let him live that one down.  Ever.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Giggity on August 16, 2010, 10:30:56 AM
I love this thread, partly because it's too funny and partly because EVERY SINGLE POST can be followed with a

(http://files.sharenator.com/thats_what_she_said_300x300_quotThats_what_she_saidquot_epic-s300x300-27723-580.jpg)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Harriet Jones on August 16, 2010, 11:11:37 AM

(http://lh5.ggpht.com/_sLTnxtLog-g/TGlhkCtPlvI/AAAAAAAAM5Y/PU8L4I4wvU4/s288/100_1281.JPG)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Hushabye on August 16, 2010, 11:21:17 AM
Those are my favorite gas stations to see when I'm rolling down the highway, if only because they allow me to indulge that part of my brain which is perennially in the gutter.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: baglady on August 17, 2010, 05:45:16 PM
I wonder if somewhere there is one built next to an In-n-Out burger place.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on August 17, 2010, 11:42:26 PM
DF and I were at the Renaissance Faire the other day, and bought a little catapult from a company called Siege the Day Catapults.  Cute name, fun catapults, but we lost it when they told us the website name - STD catapults.com.  I suppose catapults would make for an interesting STD delivery system.

Also, catapulting mini-marshmallows at DF's forehead, and bits of dog treat at the dog, are both tons of fun.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MizB on August 18, 2010, 10:51:13 AM
Qik N Ez gas stations
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Peggy Gus on August 21, 2010, 07:53:18 PM
There is a commercial for a razor and they keep saying "it decreases irritating tug and pull". Every time it comes on I laugh because it just sound dirty to me.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on August 24, 2010, 06:29:29 PM
I'm in the back of the building, getting some more paper for the printer.
It's a seldom used size, so the boxes are off in a corner.

Male co-worker jokes "Careful, that's my table."

And indeed, a plastic grocery sack with his lunch is on the pile of boxes.
I gently move it to one side.

CW says in mock indignation "Hey! You touched my bag!"
"Yes, I touched your bag", I reply, before realizing a) how it sounds and b) that another coworker is off to one side, a guffaw starting to erupt.

Yeah, we had a good laugh about that!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Hushabye on August 24, 2010, 08:46:39 PM
We had training today on SNA (social network analysis).  The speaker didn't enunciate clearly, and did some other discussing of "chains and ropes"... SNA, S&M, what's the difference, right?  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MizB on August 24, 2010, 11:00:57 PM
It is sweet but total double entendre for us!

(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/THBXCaU8KjI/AAAAAAAAMxc/WK7X6zVkrVQ/s1600/scrabbled.jpg)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on August 24, 2010, 11:19:48 PM
It's not exactly dirty, but definitely a double meaning.  We were checking out at Walgreens, and because I have money this week and DF is low, I wanted to make sure he didn't need to fill the gas tank soon.  So I asked "How's your gas, hon?"  As soon as it was out, we both found ourselves trying to find ways to make it totally clear to any bystanders that we were referring to gasoline :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Micah on August 25, 2010, 12:01:49 AM
Heard on a radio advert for compressor parts. "A size too small can lead to lubrication issues." I didn't hear the rest of the ad, only that line and the end bit that said what the company did. I snerked.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ambrosia Hino on August 25, 2010, 06:19:35 AM
During set-up for my wedding, my MOH was wearing a t-shirt that read "I'm here about the bl0w j0b"...her task for a while was blowing up ballons (my grandfather/the preacher didn't find it nearly as funny as I did)

On larger aircraft, there are points where several pieces of "aircraft skin" come together. The C5 has an area where 4 sheets of "skin" meet up. The tech data for the repair process calls this the "Four Skin Repair Procedure"...which is just fine, until you say it out loud...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Greygardens on September 01, 2010, 07:58:12 PM
A  group of us went to a Howard Johnson's restaurant in the early '70's  after a high school football game for  after-game food. They had a banana-chocolate concoction on the menu whose name looked perfectly innocuous in print, but really caught one's attention when said out loud( especially with a southern drawl):

Waitress: What'll you have, darlin?
Mary: A  chocolate shake, thanks
Waitress: And how about you, hun?
Boone: I'd like one of your  Fudganas, please



Poor Boone never lived it down, and HoJos went out of business shortly thereafter.




Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: beingkj on September 02, 2010, 03:23:24 AM
The current Target (Australia) ad features the song Forevermore by Katie Herzig. It's a perfectly sweet, innocent song except....

Nevets and I managed to attach some dirty meaning to the lines "climb up my apple tree / slide down my rainbow / into my cellar door"

I can't watch the ad without bursting into giggles now.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: PurpleFrog on September 02, 2010, 06:26:29 AM
During my final year my uni amalgamated with some others, forming the University Of Cumbria. I'd have paied good money to be in the faculty meeting where it was explained to the bigwigs why they shouldn't use their preferred website address: WWW.ucum.ac

I also had a tutor who was a legend for coming up with accidental dirtys. My favorite was when he came outside to hurry up the smokers so he could start, by encouraging them to 'suck harder and finish quickly.' None of us could stop cracking up in,that seminar...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: littlelauraj on September 02, 2010, 06:37:46 PM
I own my business, and lately the landlord's son has been painting all of our (beautiful, historic) buildings.  He's really been accenting the gingerbread and other interesting features which hadn't previously stood out.  My side of the street is getting the treatment this week, and Landlord's Son and I often talk about his choices in paint colors, etc.

LS and I agree that contrast is good, as it really shows off the features.  So for ten or fifteen minutes yesterday this kid (he has to be about 28 compared to my 40) is talking to me about trim.  How great the trim looks, how much he likes to see the trim, how much he likes trim in general.  (For those of you not familiar, "trim" is slang for, um, something nasty.)  It was too much for me, I had to go inside.  I must have had a look on my face because he kept asking, "What?  What?"  So I finally said, "You know, I don't know anyone who doesn't like a nice piece of trim."  My husband says now he's gonna think I'm a dirty "old" woman. ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: FoxPaws on September 02, 2010, 07:20:17 PM
Nevets and I managed to attach some dirty meaning to the lines "climb up my apple tree / slide down my rainbow / into my cellar door"

I can't watch the ad without bursting into giggles now.
Shaaammme on the both of you!  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: snowfire on September 02, 2010, 08:57:52 PM
There was the guy who walked into the hair salon and asked my hairdresser how much for a cut and a bl0w job???  I about fell out of the chair laughing and my hairdresser was cackling like a loon. 

He turned beet red as soon as he realized what he had said and tried to backtrack.  "I meant blow DRY, really, blow DRY!!!Ummmm, you're not going to tell anyone what I said are you???"

We just howled some more and said of course we were going to tell, but we wouldn't tell WHO said it. >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MizB on September 06, 2010, 08:07:40 PM
English wasn't my college math professor's first language. I'm pretty sure it was actually his third language. That being said, when he was teaching he taught us about "sets" I don't remember any more of the details than that, but instead of it sounding like "sets" it always sounded like he was saying s3x.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Gyburc on September 07, 2010, 05:39:18 AM
A friend of mine was helping me clear out a minibus we had rented for a trip, and we found some chewing gum stuck to the floor. As we were prising it off, we started chatting about chewing gum:

Me: I've never really seen the point of gum.
Her: Me too. I mean, it's ever so much more satisfying when you swallow.

There was a verrrry long silence...

 :D

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on September 08, 2010, 11:51:17 AM
English wasn't my college math professor's first language. I'm pretty sure it was actually his third language. That being said, when he was teaching he taught us about "sets" I don't remember any more of the details than that, but instead of it sounding like "sets" it always sounded like he was saying s3x.
One of my family's friends is a maths professor; English isn't his native language either; he has learned British English but now lives and teaches in the USA. Well, one day he needed to erase something he had written with a pencil, so he innocently asked students:"Could I borrow a rubber from one of you?" :P Meaning, of course, an eraser...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Linley on September 08, 2010, 12:08:53 PM
English wasn't my college math professor's first language. I'm pretty sure it was actually his third language. That being said, when he was teaching he taught us about "sets" I don't remember any more of the details than that, but instead of it sounding like "sets" it always sounded like he was saying s3x.
One of my family's friends is a maths professor; English isn't his native language either; he has learned British English but now lives and teaches in the USA. Well, one day he needed to erase something he had written with a pencil, so he innocently asked students:"Could I borrow a rubber from one of you?" :P Meaning, of course, an eraser...

Yeah, A friend of mine learned the hard way that in French un préservatif is a condom and does not belong in a conversation about jelly...  :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on September 09, 2010, 02:31:48 AM
Found this piece of news today: http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-20015821-71.html the guy was banned from Xbox live for listing his location: Fort G a y, Virginia. (it exists :P) Well, if you get banned for that, I don't wanna think what happens to Austrian Xbox users from...um..here: http://tiny.cc/g1loj
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Tashigi on September 09, 2010, 12:35:47 PM
Found this piece of news today: http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-20015821-71.html the guy was banned from Xbox live for listing his location: Fort G a y, Virginia. (it exists :P) Well, if you get banned for that, I don't wanna think what happens to Austrian Xbox users from...um..here: http://tiny.cc/g1loj


Or Hell, Michigan.


I feel sorry for that (Austrian) town, because their sign gets stolen so often!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on September 10, 2010, 01:34:37 AM
There's a Hell in Norway, too. Also: D i l d o- Canada, Intercourse- Pennsylvania, I think? and Humptulips- Washington.
Also in the "Fort G a y" story comments, there was this Chinese guy whose last name was Dong: he could not register on some websites because their filter would see his name as... you know ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: baglady on September 10, 2010, 01:05:36 PM
I founded a forum a few years back called "The Dish & Spoon." The word filter that came with it immediately changed it to "The Dish & Sthingy." Because the last four letters of "spoon" are half of a vulgar term (rhymes with "goon gang").

Fortunately, as the admin, I was able to *tell* the filter what words I wanted censored and which to leave alone.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Tashigi on September 10, 2010, 01:12:54 PM
There's a Hell in Norway, too. Also: D i l d o- Canada, Intercourse- Pennsylvania, I think? and Humptulips- Washington.
Also in the "Fort G a y" story comments, there was this Chinese guy whose last name was Dong: he could not register on some websites because their filter would see his name as... you know ;)

And think of those poor people with the surname Wang!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on September 10, 2010, 11:26:51 PM
I think the legendary Slap Chop line "You're Gonna Love My Nuts" would apply here, lol!

Jules
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: readingchick on September 12, 2010, 04:22:00 PM
Heard at a football game on TV: "No penetration".....in reference to not being able to get into the end zone.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: exitzero on September 12, 2010, 04:36:00 PM
I am not into gardening at all, and someone at church who really is today asked me if I had Burning Bush.
I was a little confused for a minute.
I said, "Not since I've had the penicillin shot", then it was her turn to be confused. When it dawned on her, she turned as red as Burning Bush.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Paper Roses on September 15, 2010, 09:57:25 PM
I am not into gardening at all, and someone at church who really is today asked me if I had Burning Bush.
I was a little confused for a minute.
I said, "Not since I've had the penicillin shot", then it was her turn to be confused. When it dawned on her, she turned as red as Burning Bush.

And just how red IS a . . . oh, nevermind.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: IrishGenes on September 17, 2010, 09:24:38 PM
My sister and I used to live in different states and because of that it was long distance to call one another on our cell phones (didn't have the same provider).  Every year we go Black Friday shopping (the day after Thanksgiving Day).  For the past few years we used her son's walkie talkies to communicate with one another in the stores.  Sometimes she will be in the toy aisle and look for things for both of us while I might be in the dvd aisle looking for things for both of us as well. 

One year she kept turning her walkie talkie off and I couldn't find her.  When I finally found her and we had compared our lists, we decided to split up again to continue shopping.  Sis was about 15 feet away from me when I remembering that she kept turning off her walkie talkie.  So without thinking I asked her, "Are you turned on?"  She looked at me with this ridiculous grin and said "Isn't that a bit personal of a question to ask a complete stranger?" making me even more embarrassed in the crowd of women.  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on September 18, 2010, 11:47:46 PM
You know, it doesn't help that every time I walk by my counter and see "The Official Scrabble Players Dictionary", I think of this thread and remind myself that I'm the only person in my house who finds it funny and my teens would think me weird if I suggested it might not be appropriate reading for them...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on September 19, 2010, 02:26:41 PM
Back when we were newly married Mr. Sirius was talking about a meeting he would have to go to after work the following day.  I asked, "So how long is it?"  To which he gave the Monty Python answer, "I think that's rather a personal question!"

Then there was this morning:  I was reading one of the "Bridezilla" posts in the archives to him, and asked rhetorically, "So what's wrong with wearing a skirt and top at a wedding instead of a dress?"  To which he responded, "People would look at me funny."

Yes, Mr. Sirius is a real wise apple.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 19, 2010, 10:39:57 PM
From The Music Man..

Balzac

LMAO!!!!!!!  I always laugh at that one, especially the way Mrs. Shin in the 62 movie says it.   "Balzac!"

I haven't even finished whole thread yet, but so many times I've had tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard. 

Here's one. The university center at the college I attended had a game room upstairs with 3 pool tables and of course pool is just full of openings for double entendres.    Well one semester I didn't have any classes on Fridays so I'd usually get together with two guy friends to play cutthroat pool.  Basically we'd divvy up the balls and then the winner was the one who still had balls on the table.  (Sounds dirty just describing it!) 

So okay, to be honest I'm not the best pool player but this time I won and very happily pointed out that it was because Paul and Dave were too busy trying to get each other's balls into the pockets.    Then I turned beet red and all 3 of us started laughing so hard we had to sit on the ground.    Good times. :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 19, 2010, 11:04:55 PM
This is more of something that LOOKS dirty but isn't. 

We have a Wii, as does a couple we're friends with that we knew in college.  They have a bunch of party games, and one they were telling me about, you are competing against the others to inflate a balloon(?) and you have to shake the remote up and down quickly.   Well DH and the other couple were playing it and the wife threw up her hands and said "I give up!! You two have an unfair advantage!"

When we got our Wii, DH bought the Tiger Woods golf game and in order to put spin on the ball after you hit it, you have to shake it up and down vigorously while holding down one of the direction buttons.   My inner 12 year old ALWAYS giggles when DH is putting spin on the ball. :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on September 19, 2010, 11:59:18 PM
This is more of something that LOOKS dirty but isn't. 

We have a Wii, as does a couple we're friends with that we knew in college.  They have a bunch of party games, and one they were telling me about, you are competing against the others to inflate a balloon(?) and you have to shake the remote up and down quickly.   Well DH and the other couple were playing it and the wife threw up her hands and said "I give up!! You two have an unfair advantage!"

When we got our Wii, DH bought the Tiger Woods golf game and in order to put spin on the ball after you hit it, you have to shake it up and down vigorously while holding down one of the direction buttons.   My inner 12 year old ALWAYS giggles when DH is putting spin on the ball. :)

Yeah...the Wii has all sorts of opportunities for obscene gestures.   ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 20, 2010, 10:07:10 AM
I was giggling as I fell asleep last night remembering this list, especially the first line.  Things that sound dirty in Star Wars, but aren't.

* "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
* "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
* "Put that thing away before you get us all killed."
* "You've got something jammed in here real good."
* "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
* "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
* "Sorry about the mess..."
* "Look at the size of that thing!"
* "Curse my metal body, I wasn"t fast enough!"
* "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
* "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."
* "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
* "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
* "That"s okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
* "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
* "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
* "It's possible he came in through the south entrance."
* "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
* "Control, control! You must learn control!"
* "Hey, point that thing someplace else."
* "I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master."
* "I never knew I had it in me."
* "There is good in him, I've felt it."
* "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one."
* "Back door, huh? Good idea!"
* "She's gonna blow!"
* "I think you"ll fit in nicely."
* "Rise, my friend."
* "I'm sure he wasn't on that thing when it blew..."
* "Wedge! Pull out! You"re not doing any good back there!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on September 20, 2010, 11:21:44 AM
Oh Piratelvr, you're a sick, twisted, drrty cookie.  Wanna hang out?   >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 20, 2010, 02:05:42 PM
Oh Piratelvr, you're a sick, twisted, drrty cookie.  Wanna hang out?   >:D

BWAHAHAHAAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!   Oh you have NO idea. :) :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: hermanne on September 20, 2010, 02:07:36 PM
I will never watch Star Wars the same way again.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on September 20, 2010, 02:18:22 PM
Oh Piratelvr, you're a sick, twisted, drrty cookie.  Wanna hang out?   >:D

BWAHAHAHAAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!   Oh you have NO idea. :) :)

Hard to explain to my coworkers why I am sitting here gurgling and trying not to snort my lunch!!!!!

Suddenly, those double-ended light sabres just won't look the same, kwim?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 20, 2010, 02:25:17 PM
OK, I just clapped my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

Move over, girls.  I'm sure this gutter is big enough for all of us.   ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 20, 2010, 02:53:47 PM
I couldn't copy and paste these so here's a link.  http://www.joke-archives.com/seasonal/halloweenthingsthatsounddirty.html

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CherryRipe on September 22, 2010, 10:29:21 PM
Last week, I went on a picnic with my housemates.  We drove to the top of a nearby mountain (I wanted to hike, but Rayanne doesn't do well with hills), and we had a barbecue--steaks, chicken, sausage, and hot dogs for the carnivorous members of the house, and veggie dogs for the vegetarians.  However, Adam had a peculiar habit of eating hot dogs/sausages by themselves--as in, without a bun.  At this, I retorted, "Adam doesn't want to put his wiener in a bun!!!"  Juvenile, yes, but it brought the house down.....we'd been making phallic jokes about the wieners and sausages all afternoon long. 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on September 23, 2010, 01:37:43 AM
Slashdot article today: palaeontologists uncover the remains of a dinosaur with a lot of big horns on its skull; and how does Slashdot phrase the title?-"Paleontologists-Discover-Worlds-Horniest-Dinosaur" http://science.slashdot.org/story/10/09/22/226247/Paleontologists-Discover-Worlds-Horniest-Dinosaur?from=rss :)))))
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 23, 2010, 07:56:57 AM
"Green Eggs & Ham" sounds very dirty if you read it in the right frame of mind.

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Giggity on September 24, 2010, 04:35:04 PM
A FB friend just posted a quote from her son's history book:  "Instead, Hudson found an area containing friendly Indians and plenty of beaver."

EPIC! I cannot stop laughing and my stomach hurts.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 28, 2010, 03:28:05 PM
Sometimes I wonder about the mind behind the name for a certain brand of insect repellant.

I always get a case of the giggles and a naughty eyebrow wiggle from DH when I say I have to get OFF at the store.   
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Slartibartfast on September 30, 2010, 05:46:25 AM
Okay, so you know how in the "Smurfs" world, they use the word "smurf" to replace random other words?  Well at the store today there was a bunch of cheap Smurf merchandise (toys and cheap junk).  And there were some pins that said "I SMURF NERDS."

Seriously, nobody thought that "smurf" could stand in for other words besides "love?"  I was really tempted - I only smurf one nerd, my DH, but it still makes a great statement . . .
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on September 30, 2010, 08:26:00 AM
Reminds me of the first Smurf movie (Peewee and the Magic Flute??).  Peewee thinks he understands the smurf langauge (where most nouns and other parts of speach are replaced with the word "smurf").  So he tells Johan that he'll ask for a glass of water in their language.  

He walks up to a Smurf and says "I would like a smurf."

And a whole musical number ensues with all the Smurfs bringing Peewee different things asking "Is the the smurf you were smurfing for?"

Pee Wee gets frustrated and gives up and then a Smurf brings him a glass of water.   >:D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZRfuxq_e98&p=CD0F2DBFF4ACF43D&playnext=1&index=16

*ETA:  It's Johan, not Hans. 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: kethria on September 30, 2010, 09:56:02 AM
Ah yes just the other day I had filled up a rack of test tubes with buffered peptone water and was admiring how clean they looked and the hot post doc came in...

"Wow Keth, nice RACK!"

Did I mention since I had the baby I dropped 2 dress sizes but went up 3 um... cup sizes?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: JenJay on October 02, 2010, 11:49:04 PM
I was giggling as I fell asleep last night remembering this list, especially the first line.  Things that sound dirty in Star Wars, but aren't.

* "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
* "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
* "Put that thing away before you get us all killed."
* "You've got something jammed in here real good."
* "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
* "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
* "Sorry about the mess..."
* "Look at the size of that thing!"
* "Curse my metal body, I wasn"t fast enough!"
* "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
* "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."
* "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
* "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
* "That"s okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
* "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
* "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
* "It's possible he came in through the south entrance."
* "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
* "Control, control! You must learn control!"
* "Hey, point that thing someplace else."
* "I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master."
* "I never knew I had it in me."
* "There is good in him, I've felt it."
* "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one."
* "Back door, huh? Good idea!"
* "She's gonna blow!"
* "I think you"ll fit in nicely."
* "Rise, my friend."
* "I'm sure he wasn't on that thing when it blew..."
* "Wedge! Pull out! You"re not doing any good back there!"

I just copy & pasted this into an email and sent it to DH at work. He's stuck doing a double and this is going to make his night!! lol
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Twik on October 03, 2010, 02:04:46 PM
"Green Eggs & Ham" sounds very dirty if you read it in the right frame of mind.



A friend of mine did a dramatic reading of it once (it was that sort of party), and afterwards one person commented, "you know, I've had dates just like that."

We never looked at Dr. Suess the same.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Giraffe, Esq on October 03, 2010, 11:33:56 PM
In law school, some friends were practicing for a moot court competition (if you don't know what it is...think debate...or speech, where your audience interrupts you with questions).  Their argument focused a lot on "penological justification" for things.  I was supposed to be paying serious attention and asking questions, but kept having to stifle giggles every time they said it. 

*~*~*~*

In Michigan, there is an interstate exit that says: 
Exit 69
Big Beaver Rd

(Yes, I was a naive child and it took me years to figure out why that was so hysterical!)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lillie82 on October 11, 2010, 10:00:52 PM
Not exactly dirty perhaps...but the technical term for a female canine has been used as a slang insult for so long that it kind of sounds funny when actually used to mean a female canine:

A neighbor of ours was once asked if they still had their elderly, female canine. But it came out, "Do you still have that old (insert the technical term.)"

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ambrosia Hino on October 12, 2010, 09:05:50 AM
Not exactly dirty perhaps...but the technical term for a female canine has been used as a slang insult for so long that it kind of sounds funny when actually used to mean a female canine:

A neighbor of ours was once asked if they still had their elderly, female canine. But it came out, "Do you still have that old (insert the technical term.)"

My husband has fun with that one...he can proudly announce that he was 2 (female dogs) in the backyard, with a couple of (dirty name for a cat, starting with a P) hanging around out on the porch, with the old lady (me) sitting in the house.

Oh, and his dad is picking on me...I hate wearing shoes, I was fixing dinner, and I'm 8 months pregnant...Yup, barefoot & pregnant, in the kitchen, while they watched football (I did refuse to fix them pizza or bring them beer >:D if they're gonna pick on me, they can fend for themselves!)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Tashigi on October 13, 2010, 12:22:19 PM
I was flipping through a news blog and found an article about an Austrian ballerina fired for doing nude photos for a gentleman's magazine. The magazine was called "Wiener," which several much more informed commenters said means "A (male) Viennese". But one can't help stifling a very inappropriate snort of laughter while reading.

The link: http://jezebel.com/5659873/austrian-prudes-fire-ballerina-for-appearing-in-wiener
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Linley on October 14, 2010, 05:25:46 PM
I was flipping through a news blog and found an article about an Austrian ballerina fired for doing nude photos for a gentleman's magazine. The magazine was called "Wiener," which several much more informed commenters said means "A (male) Viennese". But one can't help stifling a very inappropriate snort of laughter while reading.

The link: http://jezebel.com/5659873/austrian-prudes-fire-ballerina-for-appearing-in-wiener

Vienna is my favourite city to go to and pretend I don't know how to read any German. Joseph Haydn? Und die Wiener Klassik! Need to know which train to take? Consult the map of die Wiener linen! Locals can sign up for Wiener email!

I swear I'm an adult. I really am. Its just hard to tell sometimes.

Yeah, living in Vienna, I learned quickly not to tell English speakers that someone is a Wiener. On the other hand, people laugh pretty hard when you reference your friend the Frankfurter or Hamburger too...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on October 24, 2010, 12:03:23 PM
One cool anecdote about philosopher Sidney Morgenbesser (via Wikipedia):

Morgenbesser was leaving a subway station in New York City and put his pipe in his mouth as he was ascending the steps. A police officer told him that there was no smoking on the subway. Morgenbesser pointed out that he was leaving the subway, not entering it, and hadn't lit up yet anyway. The cop repeated his injunction. Morgenbesser repeated his observation. After a few such exchanges, the cop saw he was beaten and fell back on the oldest standby of enfeebled authority: "If I let you do it, I'd have to let everyone do it." To this the old professor replied, "Who do you think you are, Kant?"

 The word "Kant" was mistaken for a vulgar epithet and Morgenbesser had to explain the situation at the police station
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ferrets on October 29, 2010, 12:25:49 AM
In the office yesterday...

[Discussion on the meal options for the upcoming work Christmas dinner morphs into a chat about personal dietary habits.]

Colleague: "...when I gave up red meat. Though I wasn't really a proper vegetarian, because I still ate fish."

Me: "Hey, did you know that the Catholic Church once officially classified beavers as fish, so they could be eaten on Fridays during Lent?"

[Various good-humoured comments of "Seriously?"/"Your church is even weirder than I thought."/"So we'll blame you lot when they go extinct!"]

Colleague: "Is this still going? When was this?"

Me: "Couple of centuries ago, I think. I'll check on the Net when I get home tonight."

Colleague: "Why don't you Google it now?"

Me: "Because I have no desire to explain to Tech Support just why I was Googling for 'eat catholic beaver' at work."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Poirot on October 29, 2010, 10:35:21 AM
The recent death of Barbara Billingsley (June Cleaver from "Leave it to Beaver"), brought up the old story that this woman said the dirtiest thing every on old-time television.

"Ward, you were a lttle hard on the Beaver last night."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CherryRipe on October 29, 2010, 10:38:46 AM
"Green Eggs & Ham" sounds very dirty if you read it in the right frame of mind.



A friend of mine did a dramatic reading of it once (it was that sort of party), and afterwards one person commented, "you know, I've had dates just like that."

We never looked at Dr. Suess the same.

I see your "Green Eggs and Ham," and raise you "Hop on Pop" and "Fox in Box."  :o
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Thanda on October 30, 2010, 01:59:28 AM
OK, I will try and be as accurate as I can with this one, without setting off the filters.
About 11 years ago, I spent about a month in Oregon visiting a firend. We relied on public transportation to get around, as you can in Oregon.
He warned me about a particular bus, but I thought he was teasing me, until I saw the amrquee for the bus. The bus in question runs between Beaverton, and Tualitin Valley. The abbreviated sign read "Beaver to Tuat Valley". Yes, my mind went there. Yes, I was horribly embarrased.
Years ago, making a night drive from Spokane, WA to Portland, OR with my then boyfriend:  Needing a restroom, I asked him if we could make a pit stop soon.
Just then we passed a distance sign, which DBF read aloud,
"Tillicum, 10 miles." 
Sleepily, I replied "Dear, I don't think I can go that long."
Gotta love the Pacific Northwest!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CherryRipe on October 30, 2010, 05:10:15 AM
Today, I bought a kind of cereal that I haven't tried before.  It's called [diminutive of Richard that starts with D] Smith's Bush Foods Cereal.....really, who came up with that one?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Slartibartfast on October 30, 2010, 09:03:55 AM
Speaking of children's books, here's one I got for my birthday:

(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y247/wendymarlowe/cookingwithpoohbook002.jpg)

Seriously, they couldn't think of any other titles?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: blue2000 on October 30, 2010, 01:36:08 PM
Pooh Snacks!

The Pooh Cookbook!

You and Pooh, And A Spatula Too!!



Sound better to you? No? Me neither. :P ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on October 30, 2010, 01:39:17 PM
I don't know, I'm kind of digging You and Pooh, And a Spatula Too!!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on October 30, 2010, 02:03:21 PM
I don't know, I'm kind of digging You and Pooh, And a Spatula Too!!

Ummm. thank you, but I have a previous engagement...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on October 30, 2010, 02:05:40 PM
I sit down at Computer Station #2 in my office.
Co-worker sits down at Computer Station # 1.

Computer Station #2 is not responding. I can't seem to get it out of "sleep mode".
I mutter at it:

"Gee, I know I turned you on this morning."

cue silence

Then coworker and I both start giggling.

"Uh yeah...that didn't come out like I meant it too..."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: nutraxfornerves on October 30, 2010, 02:08:13 PM
I worked on a project where we periodically had to graft buds of one plant onto the stems of another. You cut out the bud, cut a notch in the stem, insert the bud into the notch, and wrap it with a thing that looks like a thick rubber band that has been cut open. Like this:
(http://extension.missouri.edu/explore/images/g06972art05.jpg)

The thing is called a "budding rubber." ("Rubber" is American slang for a condom). You can imagine the conversation:
Got some extra rubbers?
Dang! The rubber broke!
This rubber isn't big enough. I need the extra large.
This one's gonna need two rubbers.
My rubber is too tight.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lillie82 on October 30, 2010, 08:15:26 PM
A few years ago, there was a Presidential candidate who really got derided for a lack of personality and charm. Words like "stiff" and "wooden" were often used. (And yes, I realize you probably know who I'm talking about.)

His wife got badgered with questions about the "real" person. At one point she supposedly said he was "never stiff at home." :-[
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CherryRipe on October 31, 2010, 12:23:46 AM
Pooh Snacks!

The Pooh Cookbook!

You and Pooh, And A Spatula Too!!



Sound better to you? No? Me neither. :P ;D

I'd have added a "Winnie-the-" somewhere in there, to avoid the dirty connotation.  Or, wait, better idea--in the original stories, wasn't Kanga the one who was always providing yummy treats for all her friends?  What's wrong with "Cooking with Kanga?"  Or, if none of today's kids know who Kanga and Roo are, how about a cookbook starring Piglet or Tigger?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on October 31, 2010, 12:50:17 AM
I'd have added a "Winnie-the-" somewhere in there, to avoid the dirty connotation.  Or, wait, better idea--in the original stories, wasn't Kanga the one who was always providing yummy treats for all her friends?  What's wrong with "Cooking with Kanga?"  Or, if none of today's kids know who Kanga and Roo are, how about a cookbook starring Piglet or Tigger?
However, I'd draw the line at making Eeyore the cookbook star :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CherryRipe on October 31, 2010, 01:17:58 AM
I'd have added a "Winnie-the-" somewhere in there, to avoid the dirty connotation.  Or, wait, better idea--in the original stories, wasn't Kanga the one who was always providing yummy treats for all her friends?  What's wrong with "Cooking with Kanga?"  Or, if none of today's kids know who Kanga and Roo are, how about a cookbook starring Piglet or Tigger?
However, I'd draw the line at making Eeyore the cookbook star :P

Hmm, I knew I'd forgotten someone.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: blue2000 on October 31, 2010, 06:20:26 AM
I'd have added a "Winnie-the-" somewhere in there, to avoid the dirty connotation.  Or, wait, better idea--in the original stories, wasn't Kanga the one who was always providing yummy treats for all her friends?  What's wrong with "Cooking with Kanga?"  Or, if none of today's kids know who Kanga and Roo are, how about a cookbook starring Piglet or Tigger?


Hmmm... lets see....

Cooking with Piglet!

Piglet Snacks!


Eeyore's Easy Cookbook

No? Maybe a series?

Little Piglet's Guide To Ham.

Pooh's Brownie Book.

Roo's Roasting Book.

Tigger's Jigglers!

Lots of bouncy jello treats!

Soup with Roo!
Dive in! It's yummy!


Maybe it's just me. I don't think I should be writing for kids. :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Kimblee on October 31, 2010, 08:10:54 AM
I'd have added a "Winnie-the-" somewhere in there, to avoid the dirty connotation.  Or, wait, better idea--in the original stories, wasn't Kanga the one who was always providing yummy treats for all her friends?  What's wrong with "Cooking with Kanga?"  Or, if none of today's kids know who Kanga and Roo are, how about a cookbook starring Piglet or Tigger?
However, I'd draw the line at making Eeyore the cookbook star :P

He'd be great in a meat cutting manuel.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on October 31, 2010, 09:32:29 AM
I'd have added a "Winnie-the-" somewhere in there, to avoid the dirty connotation.  Or, wait, better idea--in the original stories, wasn't Kanga the one who was always providing yummy treats for all her friends?  What's wrong with "Cooking with Kanga?"  Or, if none of today's kids know who Kanga and Roo are, how about a cookbook starring Piglet or Tigger?


Hmmm... lets see....

Cooking with Piglet!

Piglet Snacks!


Eeyore's Easy Cookbook

No? Maybe a series?

Little Piglet's Guide To Ham.

Pooh's Brownie Book.

Roo's Roasting Book.

Tigger's Jigglers!

Lots of bouncy jello treats!

Soup with Roo!
Dive in! It's yummy!


Maybe it's just me. I don't think I should be writing for kids. :P

OH, I most definitely think you should!  >:D  Those are FABULOUS.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CherryRipe on October 31, 2010, 10:02:47 AM
Or, how about, "Cooking with Roo, and Kanga Too?"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: blue2000 on October 31, 2010, 12:22:16 PM
Or, how about, "Cooking with Roo, and Kanga Too?"

Hey, there you go! Something you could buy for a kid without scarring them for life.

Although if it is an Australian cookbook with an exotic meats section, I'll take  that back...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: blue2000 on October 31, 2010, 12:27:14 PM
I'd have added a "Winnie-the-" somewhere in there, to avoid the dirty connotation.  Or, wait, better idea--in the original stories, wasn't Kanga the one who was always providing yummy treats for all her friends?  What's wrong with "Cooking with Kanga?"  Or, if none of today's kids know who Kanga and Roo are, how about a cookbook starring Piglet or Tigger?
However, I'd draw the line at making Eeyore the cookbook star :P

He'd be great in a meat cutting manuel.

Talk about scarring people for life... poor Eeyore!

He's my favourite, even if he is a bit of a Special Snowflake sometimes.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CherryRipe on October 31, 2010, 08:30:44 PM
Or, how about, "Cooking with Roo, and Kanga Too?"

Hey, there you go! Something you could buy for a kid without scarring them for life.

Although if it is an Australian cookbook with an exotic meats section, I'll take  that back...

I have to ask, what's dirty about the title "Soup with Roo?"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Suze on October 31, 2010, 08:45:35 PM
Or, how about, "Cooking with Roo, and Kanga Too?"

Hey, there you go! Something you could buy for a kid without scarring them for life.

Although if it is an Australian cookbook with an exotic meats section, I'll take  that back...

I have to ask, what's dirty about the title "Soup with Roo?"

Me thinks it is because they eat kangaroo in Australia ...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: blue2000 on October 31, 2010, 08:54:00 PM
Or, how about, "Cooking with Roo, and Kanga Too?"

Hey, there you go! Something you could buy for a kid without scarring them for life.

Although if it is an Australian cookbook with an exotic meats section, I'll take  that back...

I have to ask, what's dirty about the title "Soup with Roo?"

It isn't a bedroom reference (at least, I didn't intend it as one ;D) just something like you would see on a menu - "Soup with Asparagus" or "Salad with Prawns". Only this time it is "Soup With Roo".

A nice title pic would be Roo in a vat of soup, holding up a leg and saying "Go ahead, try me! I'm sooo tender and juicy!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CherryRipe on October 31, 2010, 09:43:51 PM
Getting away from the Pooh theme, how about Cooking with Lamb Chop?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: EngineerChick on November 05, 2010, 10:02:58 PM
When I was in junior high, I was playing the viola in Orchestra class at school.  My mother was very surprised one day when my (male) teacher called to inform her that my G string was in, and that I could get it from him the next time I was in his class.  I don't know what she said to him, but it was VERY entertaining watching her expression when she was telling me this later.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: snowfire on November 05, 2010, 11:12:20 PM
Probably about the same expression I had when the orchestra conductor told the cello section to pluck their G strings.....
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ferrets on November 06, 2010, 07:04:28 AM
When I was in junior high, I was playing the viola in Orchestra class at school.  My mother was very surprised one day when my (male) teacher called to inform her that my G string was in, and that I could get it from him the next time I was in his class.  I don't know what she said to him, but it was VERY entertaining watching her expression when she was telling me this later.

*snerk* And a high-five to a fellow viola player! :D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: nutraxfornerves on November 06, 2010, 09:23:03 AM
I donated blood yesterday. The phlebotomist was grumbling about the doohickey she uses to seal the tube going from me to the bag. "I wish we'd get some new strippers here!"  

"How about pole dancers as well?" I asked & she cracked up.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: QueenofAllThings on November 08, 2010, 06:30:16 AM
Having a little car trouble before a road trip, and one of my (male) buddies said - "I can take care of this. I have a Miracle Tool"

to which I replied - "I've heard that about you"

(Miracle Tool is one of those all-in-one wrench/screwdriver/awl type thingies)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lillie82 on November 12, 2010, 06:13:44 PM
I once heard this exchange:

Newly-married law student: Marriage can be scary, especially if you've had domestic relations.

Another person listening: Um, you do mean, the course?  :-[

Newly-married law student (realizing the possible other meaning): Well, actually, "that" tends to fall off...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on November 13, 2010, 06:30:14 PM
I have one! But the credit for "dirty-fying" it goes to my mom. ::) (I didn't realize how it sounded until she started snorting...)

We were watching The Apprentice a few seasons back and one contestant tried to say of another either "He pulls his own weight" or "He picks up the slack" - but she actually said "He pulls his own slack." LOL!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on November 18, 2010, 08:57:10 AM
Know Cheryl Cole's " Baby, if I've got you I don't need a parachute"? Well, in my language, "parachute" is a  slang term for "easy woman". So to me it does sound pretty funny....
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Carnation on November 20, 2010, 11:28:16 PM
At a previous job, the director was asking the maintenance guy about hanging a banner on the front of the building.  His exact words were "Can you get it up today?"

Obviously there was a ventriloquist in the room because it sounded like I said "That's personal". ::)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: ladyonwheels on November 25, 2010, 11:53:19 PM
At work a I carry a clip on climbing bag of nuts and washers for securing steel plates to the ceiling.

Everyone (self included) refers to this as my nut sack.


i laughed water out of my nose.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: M-theory on November 26, 2010, 01:40:20 PM
My little cousin came over to visit today. I happened to be in the shower when he arrived. Being clumsy, I dropped an almost-new bar of soap, producing a loud thunk.

After dressing, I came out to talk to him.

Him: "What was that loud noise?"
Me: "Huh? Oh, I dropped the soap."
Him: *starts laughing uncontrollably*
Me: "Geez, not in front of our grandmother!"
Grandmother: ???
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on November 27, 2010, 03:12:33 PM
Ummm..the thread title "Amusing yourself at work".

Just sounds...wrong...somehow... :D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Clara Bow on November 27, 2010, 03:16:11 PM
*snicker*
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: KittyBass on December 03, 2010, 10:46:04 PM
I have a timid kitten. I have no idea why he's so timid but he is. He doesn't like to be picked up or pet, he will often run away if someone tries to pet him or he will get up and leave if you get too close (his brother is the exact opposite). However, he really likes to cuddle up with me in bed. He will sleep next to me all night and purrs away. If I sit up to pet him, all bets are off and he leaves.

I said to DH regarding the kitty: "He only likes me when I'm laying down.."

LOL I didn't mean it to sound that way but realized how totally wrong it sounded after I said it.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Poirot on December 04, 2010, 01:27:20 AM
Ummm..the thread title "Amusing yourself at work".

Just sounds...wrong...somehow... :D

LOL @ white dragin, too wrong. LOL!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on December 10, 2010, 01:18:55 AM
A few years ago, I was taking English language classes at the British Council in Bucharest. Our teachers were British, and most of them, having arrived recently in Romania, had no knowledge at all of Romanian language.
Very often, we students would hang around in the British Council's Café before class; the same place where teachers were going for coffee breaks.
Now, in Romanian language, the 1st person singular of the verb "a face" meaning "to do" or "to make" is "fac", which is pronounced exactly like you-figure-what.So we would talk to each other about how we do our homework and do this and do that.. Well, more than once we got the "Kids nowadays... can't they watch their language?" look from the teachers' table.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: POF on December 10, 2010, 08:47:32 AM
I was chewing gum when i was warming up on the exercise bike the other night and I was blowing and popping bubbles .... OK OK OK probably rude .... but I was kind of stressed.

So when I went to work with my trainer - I asked him ... do I have gum on my face ... he said no why ... I said I was chewing gum on the bike and I blew a big one. ....

he was hysterical for about 5 minutes. ( I never say anything risque at the gym ). 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on December 14, 2010, 07:32:41 PM
One of my coworkers invited several of us to a sales party.

It was a very informal and casual invitation.

One coworker, however, was shocked to be invited to one of "those" parties!
She wasn't offended, but shocked that her young coworker would host one.

The home party in question?

Discovery Toys.  :D

Yeah. It didn't mean what she thought it did!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: lady_disdain on December 16, 2010, 06:52:14 PM
I can't talk crafts in public. I was discussing different lubes and how well they work and gave the following advice: "If she squeals, you have to back off and use less pressure". Its a drill, you dirty minded people (in Portuguese, we don't have a neutral gender).
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on December 17, 2010, 06:31:47 PM
Two conversations at lunch today.

Male coworker is snacking on chicken wings, but has no plate for discards.
Female coworker has finished her soup.

"You can put your bone in my bowl."

Second conversation - same two coworkers:

(Note, we all got company wristwatches for Christmas.)

Him: "My watch is a bit too big."

Her: "Maybe you should work out."

Him: "What, how am I supposed to exercise just my wrist?"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on December 17, 2010, 06:36:12 PM

(Note, we all got company wristwatches for Christmas.)

Him: "My watch is a bit too big."

Her: "Maybe you should work out."

Him: "What, how am I supposed to exercise just my wrist?"

Oh, please tell me she answered him ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on December 17, 2010, 06:48:01 PM

(Note, we all got company wristwatches for Christmas.)

Him: "My watch is a bit too big."

Her: "Maybe you should work out."

Him: "What, how am I supposed to exercise just my wrist?"

Oh, please tell me she answered him ;D

Well, if you count outrageous snorts of laughter as a response... >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: baglady on December 20, 2010, 08:06:07 PM
This may not count, because I know exactly what I'm saying ...

There's a model of bottle opener called a Bev-Key (Bev for beverage). They are very handy for carrying in a pocket because they have no sharp edges. You can see them here: http://www.bevkey.com

My name is Beverly. I go by Bev. And I have a significant other and a male best friend who frequently carry these bottle openers in their pockets. Which gives me the occasion, when I need a bottle opened, to ask:

"Hey, you got something in your pants with my name on it?"

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Thipu1 on December 22, 2010, 11:11:43 AM
Here's one I remember from my University days.

A Professor was known for throwing out pop quizzes at any time.  He called them 'quizzicles' and they weren't easy.  After the first onslaught a classmate and I were talking when we left the classroom and she said to me, 

"If that's what he calls a 'quizzicle', I don't want to see what he calls a 'test...' "  I'll leave it for you to fill in the rest.         
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: POF on December 22, 2010, 01:24:31 PM
Another off color gym comment. I'm doing well at the gym ( started out as a complete couch potato ). Last week, my trainer had me do a HIT - High Intensity Cardio Intervals and we do this stuff with weights etc.

I seem to have stepped up in fitness - because i was breezing through this routine and he kept throwing heavier stuff at me. At one point he said Geez ....  I can't even get you breathing hard.  I looked at him with a straight face and said --- yeah .. that's what my husband says !

We were hysterical for about 5 minutes and then everything had a hidden meaning. 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Outdoor Girl on December 22, 2010, 01:29:09 PM
Santa just brought me a new snowblower a little early so I was selling my old one to a friend.

We were at my place and I was demonstrating the machine to friend and other friend, whose truck we were going to load it into.

I was talking about the issues I'd been having with the old blower and said something about a blow job...

Both friends were male, married coworkers.

Oops.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: baglady on December 22, 2010, 05:36:37 PM
I live upstairs in a three-family house. One of the downstairs neighbors takes care of the snowblowing. I always make a point to thank him for the blow job!  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: M-theory on December 24, 2010, 05:08:15 PM
I'm about to apply a polish named "Happy Ending."

*loud snorting*

The bad part is that no one else seems to think it's dirty. I can't say for sure what the manufacturer was going for, of course, but since everyone I've talked to seems to think it refers to a fairy tale happy ending, I guess that makes me the lech.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on December 24, 2010, 06:56:45 PM
::Tries to resist::

::Cannot::

Is it for shining up door knobs?  'Cause, Happy Ending would make a great name for kn--

::Is tackled by the decency police::
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: M-theory on December 24, 2010, 07:04:21 PM
::Tries to resist::

::Cannot::

Is it for shining up door knobs?  'Cause, Happy Ending would make a great name for kn--

::Is tackled by the decency police::

LOL!

It's nail polish, unfortunately. :(
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: M-theory on December 24, 2010, 10:02:21 PM
We're hosting Christmas breakfast tomorrow. With the refrigerator shelf space needed for casseroles, I had to move some other stuff into the produce bins. When I went to clear it out, I found a bag of forgotten iceberg blend, which was nasty and wilted. Naturally, I threw it out.

Later, when my grandmother came home from the Christmas Eve service at church, she asked me if I'd moved the soda into the produce bins.

Me: "Yeah, I tossed the---*very slight pause*---salad..."
Her: "Oh, OK." *blissfully unaware of the alternate meaning of "tossed the salad"*
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on December 28, 2010, 06:53:53 PM
A couple of weeks ago we had to get a maintenance worker in here to fix our toilets.  Mine needed a new flapper, and Mr. Sirius' toilet needed the whole ball cock attachment and a new flapper.  We giggled like teenagers when I was trying to explain this to Mr. Sirius, who wasn't home when the maintenance worker was here.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Bellantara on January 04, 2011, 08:02:57 PM
Quit whining! I'm coming, I'm coming!

---said by me to the dog every morning when he's dying to go out.  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Xallanthia on January 05, 2011, 03:47:45 PM
"I'm riding *female friend*'s rocket."

It was in a game, a MMORPG (massively multiplayer online rpg).  My friend has a rocket mount that can carry a passenger. 

The double entendres lasted until we arrived at our destination :P

(The most recent release of the game includes the ability to *turn into a dragon* that can be ridden by a friend.  It'll be "I'm riding *friend* next.")
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Information_queen on January 06, 2011, 05:21:29 PM
"I'm riding *female friend*'s rocket."

It was in a game, a MMORPG (massively multiplayer online rpg).  My friend has a rocket mount that can carry a passenger. 

The double entendres lasted until we arrived at our destination :P

(The most recent release of the game includes the ability to *turn into a dragon* that can be ridden by a friend.  It'll be "I'm riding *friend* next.")

We were doing the same thing last night. Except it was a male friend's rocket.

I'd say a good 90% of any guild conversation consists of double entendres or someone trying to turn something into one.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: POF on January 06, 2011, 08:55:14 PM
Another gym one ..... Mr. Psycho has upped my weights ..... and it's tough .... I am using 20 lb dumbbells in my routines.  I was doing this crazy set on Monday when I said Geez, psycho , that's really hard.  Trainer next to us heard it and looked over and said ... um not really and we LOST it......  ( poor psycho kept saying WHAT ? WHAT's so funny ? )
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: alegria on January 07, 2011, 04:44:14 PM
I'd say a good 90% of any guild conversation consists of double entendres or someone trying to turn something into one.

I'm in a guild that is 95% g*a*y men.  If the conversation wasn't primarily double entendres (or flat-out obvious ones!) then I don't think I'd know what to do with myself...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on January 08, 2011, 01:00:11 PM
I'd say a good 90% of any guild conversation consists of double entendres or someone trying to turn something into one.

I'm in a guild that is 95% g*a*y men.  If the conversation wasn't primarily double entendres (or flat-out obvious ones!) then I don't think I'd know what to do with myself...

I nominate this post as an example for this thread.

Putting the words "double entendres" and ..."what to do with myself..." in the same sentence...
Definitely a candidate!
 :D :D :D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia S on January 08, 2011, 06:59:08 PM
There's some debate as to whether this actually happened, but supposedly, cricket commentator Brian Johnston once said (during a Test match in 1976): "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey."

I really, really want it to be true. ;D


According to his wiki, he was, at a different time, interviewing an obnoxious foreigner who said: "London is the a****le of the world," to which Johnston replied: "Oh, so you're just passing through, then?"
It was never aired, sadly. :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on January 08, 2011, 07:21:30 PM
I was helping my boyfriend's family put up and decorate their Christmas tree this past December. My boyfriend, his brother and I were literally sitting on the floor and crying from laughing so hard at the things their mother was saying to their father as he tried to get the tree up: "No, no, you can't stick it in like that, it's crooked!" "Oh, this will never work, it's floppy!" "You need to bounce it up and down and wiggle it!" etc.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Miss Vertigo on January 10, 2011, 10:31:59 AM
A few months ago I moved out of a flat and was doing some general tidy-up work to get my deposit back. Millicent, a sweet little old lady from our community band, had lent me a set of shears when I moved in because the little hedge out at the front of the property needed cutting back a little bit. It was quite a small hedge, and quite cute.

A few days before I moved, I got an email from Millicent, asking if I was planning to use her shears to "trim my sweet little hedge" before I moved.

I was tempted to reply by telling her that if I needed a set of hedge trimmers, I'd be worried. But I didn't. What restraint :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Oh Joy on January 10, 2011, 01:43:59 PM
Local television newscasts often open with a couple of teaser headlines, then transition to the first full story using the words, 'But first...'

DH and I snicker when it 'ends up' (pun intended) tailing one of the teaser headlines quite well.  A few made-up but similar examples:
'A local businessman is accused of inappropriate conduct with his employees but(t) first...'
'Elementary students are having problems catching the schoolbus but(t) first...'
'Dogs are causing problems at a popular park but(t) first...'

(can't help grinning like I just told a dirty joke on the playground)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on January 12, 2011, 09:24:14 PM
I was telling a non-computer-using friend about the memory stick on my computer.  I told her, "I can stick this little thing into a hole on the front of the computer...that sounds really bad, doesn't it?"  She didn't answer because she was laughing too hard.  So was Mr. Sirius.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Xallanthia on January 13, 2011, 10:15:11 AM
"I'm riding *female friend*'s rocket."

It was in a game, a MMORPG (massively multiplayer online rpg).  My friend has a rocket mount that can carry a passenger. 

The double entendres lasted until we arrived at our destination :P

(The most recent release of the game includes the ability to *turn into a dragon* that can be ridden by a friend.  It'll be "I'm riding *friend* next.")

We were doing the same thing last night. Except it was a male friend's rocket.

I'd say a good 90% of any guild conversation consists of double entendres or someone trying to turn something into one.

OK after last night... just wait till you start raiding BWD (if you haven't already).  The first boss is a giant worm who periodically grabs the tank in his mouth, at which point melee dps jump on his head and use chains to attach him to the ground.  His head is impaled on a spike and you get a damage buff, like XT's heart.  When the tank is in his mouth he takes extra damage, then gets a debuff when he's spit out.

Well.

My tank's statement that, "When he eats me, I blow cooldowns" just about shut down our raid last night...  it went on and on....
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Slartibartfast on January 14, 2011, 12:50:42 AM
"I'm riding *female friend*'s rocket."

It was in a game, a MMORPG (massively multiplayer online rpg).  My friend has a rocket mount that can carry a passenger. 

The double entendres lasted until we arrived at our destination :P

(The most recent release of the game includes the ability to *turn into a dragon* that can be ridden by a friend.  It'll be "I'm riding *friend* next.")

We were doing the same thing last night. Except it was a male friend's rocket.

I'd say a good 90% of any guild conversation consists of double entendres or someone trying to turn something into one.

OK after last night... just wait till you start raiding BWD (if you haven't already).  The first boss is a giant worm who periodically grabs the tank in his mouth, at which point melee dps jump on his head and use chains to attach him to the ground.  His head is impaled on a spike and you get a damage buff, like XT's heart.  When the tank is in his mouth he takes extra damage, then gets a debuff when he's spit out.

Well.

My tank's statement that, "When he eats me, I blow cooldowns" just about shut down our raid last night...  it went on and on....

I can't remember whether I've told this here before, but way back when Onyxia was still a 40-man raid, my group was headed off to do Blackwing Lair and we all gathered in Stormwind to hang Onyxia's head on the gate.  (For those who don't play WoW, Onyxia is a dragon. When you kill her, someone gets to keep her head, and when you turn it in the guards of the city congratulate you and give everyone in the city a very nice two-hour-long increase in stats.  We timed it so we had the buff right before we went to another dungeon.)

So anyway, our guild leader turns in Onyxia's head, everyone gets the buff, and then a guildmate (who, to be fair, is from Quebec and didn't get nuanced English as well as everyone else) announced "Thanks for the head, [guild leader]!"  She didn't understand why everyone was laughing until I explained it privately, and then she was absolutely mortified and kept trying to explain what she meant, which only got everyone laughing again because she's just so sweet and honestly would have had no clue even if there hadn't been the language barrier.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Information_queen on January 14, 2011, 03:53:32 PM
"I'm riding *female friend*'s rocket."

It was in a game, a MMORPG (massively multiplayer online rpg).  My friend has a rocket mount that can carry a passenger. 

The double entendres lasted until we arrived at our destination :P

(The most recent release of the game includes the ability to *turn into a dragon* that can be ridden by a friend.  It'll be "I'm riding *friend* next.")

We were doing the same thing last night. Except it was a male friend's rocket.

I'd say a good 90% of any guild conversation consists of double entendres or someone trying to turn something into one.

OK after last night... just wait till you start raiding BWD (if you haven't already).  The first boss is a giant worm who periodically grabs the tank in his mouth, at which point melee dps jump on his head and use chains to attach him to the ground.  His head is impaled on a spike and you get a damage buff, like XT's heart.  When the tank is in his mouth he takes extra damage, then gets a debuff when he's spit out.

Well.

My tank's statement that, "When he eats me, I blow cooldowns" just about shut down our raid last night...  it went on and on....

I can't remember whether I've told this here before, but way back when Onyxia was still a 40-man raid, my group was headed off to do Blackwing Lair and we all gathered in Stormwind to hang Onyxia's head on the gate.  (For those who don't play WoW, Onyxia is a dragon. When you kill her, someone gets to keep her head, and when you turn it in the guards of the city congratulate you and give everyone in the city a very nice two-hour-long increase in stats.  We timed it so we had the buff right before we went to another dungeon.)

So anyway, our guild leader turns in Onyxia's head, everyone gets the buff, and then a guildmate (who, to be fair, is from Quebec and didn't get nuanced English as well as everyone else) announced "Thanks for the head, [guild leader]!"  She didn't understand why everyone was laughing until I explained it privately, and then she was absolutely mortified and kept trying to explain what she meant, which only got everyone laughing again because she's just so sweet and honestly would have had no clue even if there hadn't been the language barrier.

That's priceless! Both posts, actually.

One of our favorite jokes involves warlock portals (or mage tables, or mage portals...). Whoever is casting the original spell will announce this by asking everyone to 'click my glowy hole.' At which point most of the guild crowds around him/her saying they would love to in the most suggestive voice possible. (NOTE: for those of you who don't play, there are a few spells in game that require one person to cast the spell and one or two other people to assist by clicking on a glowing circle that appears).  One of the other (female) guild members and I have a running joke going about being WoW wives, and we'll spend entire raids making suggestive comments back and forth. It gets even funnier when new members don't realize what's going on. Especially when our main tank, who contributes the other half of the innuendos, joins in. Then they find out he's my husband :P

He takes it from innuendo to just flat out dirtiness. See, he's a druid tank, and in bear form, when you sit down and stand up rapidly, continuously....it stops looking like sitting down and looks a great deal like something else....  And then people die. And depending on who's healing, and whether or not the dead person was involved in the pre-raid bribery for misdirecting to the wrong person (misdirect is a hunter spell that sends the boss off to attack whoever it is cast on. Usually cast on tanks to help increase their threat, but also misused to great hilarity; in our case, we have been known to offer money to the hunters in the group to misdirect to certain people), it might be a while before the dead person is resurrected. And then my husband, the bear tank, will come and...sit...on you until you are resurrected.

I would post some of the comments, but there is no way on earth or any other planet that these comments could possibly pass for anything approaching appropriate.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 17, 2011, 09:12:36 AM
Overheard on the ski lift Friday evening from a young, female snowboarder:

'When I ride that hard, I get, like, hot.'

My buddy and I were cracking up.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Gyburc on January 17, 2011, 09:35:30 AM
There's some debate as to whether this actually happened, but supposedly, cricket commentator Brian Johnston once said (during a Test match in 1976): "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey."

I've heard this one too, and I think it is true.  ;D

Possibly even better was the occasion when Ian Botham was batting in a match in the early 1990s, and somehow got swung round towards his own wicket. To try to avoid knocking the wicket over (and consequently going out), he made a valiant effort to leap over the stumps, but just caught his leg on them and pulled them down.

This was reported by the radio commentator as 'And Botham makes a great attempt, but just can't quite get his leg over.'

For the next five minutes or so, the radio commentary kept on being interrupted by various half-stifled giggles.

(For non-UK EHellions - the cricket commentary aired on the radio in the UK is quite famous. Cricket is a fairly slow-moving sport, and often interrupted by rain. During the rain, when play is stopped, the commentary often keeps going, and the commentators are very good at finding silly jokes and trivia to chat about. It's almost more entertaining than the comments on the game itself.)  :)

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: readingchick on January 18, 2011, 12:47:22 PM
The tight end in gridiron football sounds rather dirty, doesn't it?  ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Bellantara on January 18, 2011, 04:10:05 PM
The tight end in gridiron football sounds rather dirty, doesn't it?  ;)

Yup.  :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on January 18, 2011, 05:30:17 PM
The tight end in gridiron football sounds rather dirty, doesn't it?  ;)

Yup.  :)

LOL makes me think maybe I should get interested in football after all!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Bellantara on January 18, 2011, 05:38:15 PM
The tight end in gridiron football sounds rather dirty, doesn't it?  ;)

Yup.  :)

LOL makes me think maybe I should get interested in football after all!

Oh, you definitely should.  All those lovely young men in tight pants:


(http://somuchsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/Drew-Brees.jpg)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Bluenomi on January 18, 2011, 07:16:09 PM
After reading the whole thread I've been reminded of a few things:

When I was in high school I had to do an oral in history about Germany between the 2 world wars. The piece of paper in my hand said "At this time Hitler came out of the woodwork" I accidently changed woodwork to closet when I read it. Only the teacher and one other student got it, I barely finished the rest of the speech and was an interesting shade of red by the end of it.

DD"s nappies have Winnie the Pooh on them, lots of room for bad poo/pooh jokes  ;D

And I just sent someone from work an email commenting about a job he is doing being cancelled due to the flood in Victoria which is south of us. I said 'it's a bit wet down there' I could have reworded it but couldn't resist
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: snowfire on January 18, 2011, 11:58:10 PM
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51%2BtrKQqqZL._SL500_AA300_PIbundle-6,TopRight,0,0_AA300_SH20_.jpg)

Need I say more????? 

I saw this at the import shop and was cackling like a loon.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Xallanthia on January 19, 2011, 09:03:59 AM
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51%2BtrKQqqZL._SL500_AA300_PIbundle-6,TopRight,0,0_AA300_SH20_.jpg)

Need I say more????? 

I saw this at the import shop and was cackling like a loon.

I've cooked this from scratch.

I've also cooked a very similar savory pudding with a terrifying rather than dirty name: "Boiled Baby."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Iris on January 19, 2011, 11:06:26 PM
My youngest DD was watching a children's show the other day and from the next room I culd hear a lengthy exchange of the characters discussing who had lost, found and thrown at another character - the Dingleberry...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: girlysprite on January 20, 2011, 03:20:24 AM
[BG]Me and my DH have two cats. My nieces love those cats![/BG]

Sitting on a couch at my SIL's place. Her 5 year old daughter is sitting next to me. Their dog runs towards me and pushes his nose in my crotch (why do dogs do that anyways?). My niece exclaims with a loud voice 'He must be smelling your pussy!'. Cue me snorting with held-back laughter.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: readingchick on January 21, 2011, 07:36:00 PM
Their dog runs towards me and pushes his nose in my crotch (why do dogs do that anyways?)

Just their way of saying "howdy"....
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on January 23, 2011, 08:23:41 PM
I don't know if this was covered, but there is nothing like walking through the toy section with your BFF and our boys and the following has occurred.


"Mom can we have a Woody?"

Cue 2 adult women snickering insanely.


Someone in the kids movie industry has a very sick sense of humor.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Eisa on January 23, 2011, 08:38:34 PM
This was a while ago, so I'm not entirely sure how it went now.

But I was standing in line, waiting to pay for my lunch, when I heard a girl say: "There just isn't anything here I want to put in my mouth!"

:o :D  >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: wendelenn on January 23, 2011, 09:04:53 PM
I don't know if this was covered, but there is nothing like walking through the toy section with your BFF and our boys and the following has occurred.


"Mom can we have a Woody?"

Cue 2 adult women snickering insanely.


Someone in the kids movie industry has a very sick sense of humor.

Yeah, which would you rather have, a Woody or a Buzz?  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Eisa on January 23, 2011, 09:08:18 PM
^Oh, definitely a Woody. Jumbo-sized.  >:D

Sorry, sorry, I had to. :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: amandaelizabeth on January 24, 2011, 09:54:28 PM
Our practice was trying to gather better statistics and asked counsellor to fill in check forms that could be scanned straight into the computer.  However the checkmarks had to be dark enough to be sen by the scanner.  One elderly counsellor would only use his own propelling pencil that made marks invisible to the computer.  It said in the minutes of the practice meeting,  'Head of Practice will tell said  counsellor that he has the wrong lead in his pencil'.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on January 26, 2011, 01:58:19 PM
Last night DD was out of the house unexpectedly and she left without turning off her laptop.

Her laptop is a bit finicky and she tries not to let it go into hibernation mode.

At one point I called home to give the family an update on our return and DD gave me a message to pass on.

Somehow, saying "By the way, Trina wants you to give her mouse a wiggle" just sounds...wrong...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: zoidberg on January 27, 2011, 02:59:33 AM
There is a YouTube video going around right now that sounds massively dirty. It's actually a video of a Kids show that specifically runs on a Kids channel here in Germany. The concept is that of a mother elephant explaining the world to her little baby elephant and his animal friends.

Now, in German the word for "tail" as in tail of an animal is also the word used colloquially for a certain part of male anatomy. For some reason, the makers of this show thought it would be a good idea to make a complete episode about the different "tails" of animals. The sentences uttered are absolutely hilarious. Plus, the baby elephant is sad because his "tail" is small and sort of useless compared to those of other animals.

Yeah. Also, the animals decide to do a happy little "tail dance" (and this actually rhymes in German ("Schwanz Tanz") and caused immature me and my friends to lie on the floor paralyzed with laughter).

It just goes on and on about small and big "tails", bendy "tails", spotted "tails" - you get the point.

Seriously, most kids nowadays know that "Schwanz" also has a different meaning. How did the makers think this show was a good idea?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Dazi on January 27, 2011, 06:26:08 AM
My DH usually uses a styling product called Surfhead.  They were out of it when I went to get him some, so I got Axe Hair Pomade instead (after using it, he really likes it better).  Well I happened to look at the underside of the lid where the directions are...it states "Finger, Rub, Spread".  Surely I am not the only one who finds this just hilarious? Right?  ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on January 27, 2011, 07:56:55 AM
My DH usually uses a styling product called Surfhead.  They were out of it when I went to get him some, so I got Axe Hair Pomade instead (after using it, he really likes it better).  Well I happened to look at the underside of the lid where the directions are...it states "Finger, Rub, Spread".  Surely I am not the only one who finds this just hilarious? Right?  ;)

If it's an Axe product, it's likely deliberate.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: bigozzy on January 27, 2011, 08:33:19 AM
STD.

Public service announcements/leaflets always referred to STD's or sexually transmitted diseases when I was growing up and then I came to this site and people were joyfully announcing their glee at an STD (save the date).

There was also a jingle on telly years ago which cracked us up for Subscriber Trunk Dialling

STD, spread it round.....
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on January 27, 2011, 10:00:38 AM
There is a YouTube video going around right now that sounds massively dirty. It's actually a video of a Kids show that specifically runs on a Kids channel here in Germany. The concept is that of a mother elephant explaining the world to her little baby elephant and his animal friends.

Now, in German the word for "tail" as in tail of an animal is also the word used colloquially for a certain part of male anatomy. For some reason, the makers of this show thought it would be a good idea to make a complete episode about the different "tails" of animals. The sentences uttered are absolutely hilarious. Plus, the baby elephant is sad because his "tail" is small and sort of useless compared to those of other animals.

Yeah. Also, the animals decide to do a happy little "tail dance" (and this actually rhymes in German ("Schwanz Tanz") and caused immature me and my friends to lie on the floor paralyzed with laughter).

It just goes on and on about small and big "tails", bendy "tails", spotted "tails" - you get the point.

Seriously, most kids nowadays know that "Schwanz" also has a different meaning. How did the makers think this show was a good idea?

There's this children's song in Portuguese http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRxcAqAdSG4&playnext=1&list=PL8D4BA8AA311F5A8A sounds pretty innocent, huh? Well, not also if you're Romanian! The word they keep repeating in the chorus- it means "jump" in Portuguese, but in Romanian it's a dirty slang term- designating the male thingie. Somehow a bunch of kids dancing around and singing...welll...  "male thingie, male thingie, male thingie"(and having no idea what it means) is very, very wrong :)))))
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: zoidberg on January 27, 2011, 02:05:39 PM
There is a YouTube video going around right now that sounds massively dirty. It's actually a video of a Kids show that specifically runs on a Kids channel here in Germany. The concept is that of a mother elephant explaining the world to her little baby elephant and his animal friends.

Now, in German the word for "tail" as in tail of an animal is also the word used colloquially for a certain part of male anatomy. For some reason, the makers of this show thought it would be a good idea to make a complete episode about the different "tails" of animals. The sentences uttered are absolutely hilarious. Plus, the baby elephant is sad because his "tail" is small and sort of useless compared to those of other animals.

Yeah. Also, the animals decide to do a happy little "tail dance" (and this actually rhymes in German ("Schwanz Tanz") and caused immature me and my friends to lie on the floor paralyzed with laughter).

It just goes on and on about small and big "tails", bendy "tails", spotted "tails" - you get the point.

Seriously, most kids nowadays know that "Schwanz" also has a different meaning. How did the makers think this show was a good idea?

There's this children's song in Portuguese http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRxcAqAdSG4&playnext=1&list=PL8D4BA8AA311F5A8A sounds pretty innocent, huh? Well, not also if you're Romanian! The word they keep repeating in the chorus- it means "jump" in Portuguese, but in Romanian it's a dirty slang term- designating the male thingie. Somehow a bunch of kids dancing around and singing...welll...  "male thingie, male thingie, male thingie"(and having no idea what it means) is very, very wrong :)))))

I have hungarian relatives who were delighted to learn that we have a drink called "Punica" in Germany. That is apparantly the name for a certain part of female anatomy in Hungary.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: lady_disdain on January 27, 2011, 07:35:46 PM
There is a YouTube video going around right now that sounds massively dirty. It's actually a video of a Kids show that specifically runs on a Kids channel here in Germany. The concept is that of a mother elephant explaining the world to her little baby elephant and his animal friends.

Now, in German the word for "tail" as in tail of an animal is also the word used colloquially for a certain part of male anatomy. For some reason, the makers of this show thought it would be a good idea to make a complete episode about the different "tails" of animals. The sentences uttered are absolutely hilarious. Plus, the baby elephant is sad because his "tail" is small and sort of useless compared to those of other animals.

Yeah. Also, the animals decide to do a happy little "tail dance" (and this actually rhymes in German ("Schwanz Tanz") and caused immature me and my friends to lie on the floor paralyzed with laughter).

It just goes on and on about small and big "tails", bendy "tails", spotted "tails" - you get the point.

Seriously, most kids nowadays know that "Schwanz" also has a different meaning. How did the makers think this show was a good idea?

There's this children's song in Portuguese http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRxcAqAdSG4&playnext=1&list=PL8D4BA8AA311F5A8A sounds pretty innocent, huh? Well, not also if you're Romanian! The word they keep repeating in the chorus- it means "jump" in Portuguese, but in Romanian it's a dirty slang term- designating the male thingie. Somehow a bunch of kids dancing around and singing...welll...  "male thingie, male thingie, male thingie"(and having no idea what it means) is very, very wrong :)))))

Specially since they are saying "let's play at jumping"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Information_queen on January 27, 2011, 10:35:11 PM
I just discovered this evening that it is a bad idea to listen to "Must Be Doin' Somethin' Right" in the wrong frame of mind.

"Sometimes all it takes to please her
Is the touch of your hand..."

It gets worse from there.

I will never be able to listen to that song with a straight face again. I sincerely hope it isn't some huge joke, because that's just wrong if so. But now that I've 'heard' it this way, I can't think how it can't be!


***OOOPS*** I just told my husband about this over IM, adding a rather personal comment, only to discover his friend was watching a video over his shoulder. Friend is coming over tomorrow night.  :-[ Really hope he didn't notice that. Maybe I should have posted this in the 'Don't Do That' thread :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Linley on January 28, 2011, 01:57:18 PM
There is a YouTube video going around right now that sounds massively dirty. It's actually a video of a Kids show that specifically runs on a Kids channel here in Germany. The concept is that of a mother elephant explaining the world to her little baby elephant and his animal friends.

Now, in German the word for "tail" as in tail of an animal is also the word used colloquially for a certain part of male anatomy. For some reason, the makers of this show thought it would be a good idea to make a complete episode about the different "tails" of animals. The sentences uttered are absolutely hilarious. Plus, the baby elephant is sad because his "tail" is small and sort of useless compared to those of other animals.

Yeah. Also, the animals decide to do a happy little "tail dance" (and this actually rhymes in German ("Schwanz Tanz") and caused immature me and my friends to lie on the floor paralyzed with laughter).

It just goes on and on about small and big "tails", bendy "tails", spotted "tails" - you get the point.

Seriously, most kids nowadays know that "Schwanz" also has a different meaning. How did the makers think this show was a good idea?

What, no link?  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on January 30, 2011, 12:42:25 AM
It's not as bad as many here, but the mention of that German song (LOL!) reminded me of the German shampoo Schwarzkopf. The name matches the logo, which is a silhouette of a head, but it always made me giggle since "blackhead" is a type of pimple in English!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MizB on January 30, 2011, 01:09:39 PM
I was talking with a manager who was using a swiss army knife to break down a box.  When he was finished he stabbed the box and triumphantly shouted a bit. I asked him what is it with men and stabbing things? He said it was instinctual and part of their make up. I couldn't stop laughing.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: The Opinionator on January 30, 2011, 05:36:16 PM
Jolie_kitten, I just about died laughing watching that video.

*Andra, whose infantile sense humour meant that she couldn't help herself from taking a picture of this sign:

(http://i65.photobucket.com/albums/h225/Ares_mE/P020608_1432.jpg)

(Also, you try explaining to your mother that you stopped by *Bad Word* while on holiday  :-[).
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on January 31, 2011, 02:12:36 AM
Andra---oooh yeah; there was also a road sign somewhere with distances mentioned- like *Said Croatian city*-2 km. ( Oooooh really? Someone's a bit too sure of their masculinity! )
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on January 31, 2011, 01:01:59 PM
I've noticed here on board (the Holidays section) a few topics abut Valentine's Day celebration, involving kids at school or something... or well, kids; and "Valentine's Day" was abridged to "V-Day". The problem is....
In my mind, V-Day is something completely different; this ->http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/V-Day_%28movement%29 Which is sure for a good cause and worth supporting, but not exactly children-friendly.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on January 31, 2011, 01:46:49 PM
Andra, I hate to sound dense, but I have no idea about what the significance of that sign is.  Can you translate?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: The Opinionator on January 31, 2011, 01:53:29 PM
Andra, I hate to sound dense, but I have no idea about what the significance of that sign is.  Can you translate?
Sorry about that. 'Pula' is the name of a Croatian city but is a slang word for a male body part in Romanian(Jolie_kitten had mentioned it on the previous page when talking about a Portuguese kid's song that uses that word).

Sorry again  :).
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on January 31, 2011, 02:19:45 PM
No problem.  Mr. Sirius thought it was something like that (he spent time in Germany when he was in the Air Force and traveled extensively in Europe) but we didn't know what it meant. 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: zoidberg on February 01, 2011, 01:35:01 AM
There is a YouTube video going around right now that sounds massively dirty. It's actually a video of a Kids show that specifically runs on a Kids channel here in Germany. The concept is that of a mother elephant explaining the world to her little baby elephant and his animal friends.

Now, in German the word for "tail" as in tail of an animal is also the word used colloquially for a certain part of male anatomy. For some reason, the makers of this show thought it would be a good idea to make a complete episode about the different "tails" of animals. The sentences uttered are absolutely hilarious. Plus, the baby elephant is sad because his "tail" is small and sort of useless compared to those of other animals.

Yeah. Also, the animals decide to do a happy little "tail dance" (and this actually rhymes in German ("Schwanz Tanz") and caused immature me and my friends to lie on the floor paralyzed with laughter).

It just goes on and on about small and big "tails", bendy "tails", spotted "tails" - you get the point.

Seriously, most kids nowadays know that "Schwanz" also has a different meaning. How did the makers think this show was a good idea?

What, no link?  ;D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCkWQtKcNx0 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCkWQtKcNx0)

The fun starts at 01:00.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 01, 2011, 01:48:20 PM


(Also, you try explaining to your mother that you stopped by *Bad Word* while on holiday  :-[).

My mom would have been right there next to me taking pictures :D  Or maybe posing next to it.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on February 02, 2011, 12:29:37 AM
This.

STD are becoming increasingly popular in Australia (where I live). ... The other day I received the STD below...

...

I'm curious if anyone else has received a similar STD?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Eisa on February 02, 2011, 01:53:19 AM
Well, Australia always has been...different. :D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: JonGirl on February 02, 2011, 02:53:17 AM


^

 ;D  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: bigozzy on February 02, 2011, 03:23:25 AM
This.

STD are becoming increasingly popular in Australia (where I live). ... The other day I received the STD below...

...

I'm curious if anyone else has received a similar STD?


I can make it worse...

When I was little, STD were long distance phone calls. I used to get STDs from my uncle all the time  >:D

Too much?

Subscriber trunk dialling and the advertising jingle was: 'Spread it round, STD, spread it round STD.......'
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: bigozzy on February 02, 2011, 03:26:44 AM
I was just looking at some snaps from a trip to New Zealand and found this one (hoping the link works, been a while since I posted a pic):

(http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd233/kenfirich/PB170133.jpg)

We drove to Shag Point and waited for hours but nothing happened >:(

ETA I see the picture is not that clear. One of the signs is pointing the direction to 'Shag Point'.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: crella on February 02, 2011, 04:27:55 AM
Quote
I have hungarian relatives who were delighted to learn that we have a drink called "Punica" in Germany. That is apparantly the name for a certain part of female anatomy in Hungary.


My father took home the package from 'My Fanny' toilet paper on his '91 trip to Japan. (The company must have heard something about the name, it was changed to 'Beatiful Kobe' toilet paper).
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ferrets on February 02, 2011, 05:09:54 AM
We drove to Shag Point and waited for hours but nothing happened >:(

I experienced similar disappointment when hanging around on Raw Dykes Road*, which completely failed to deliver. ::)

*That road exists, and is ten minutes' walk from my flat. I keep meaning to get a photo of GF and I standing by the sign. ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: bigozzy on February 02, 2011, 05:15:09 AM
We drove to Shag Point and waited for hours but nothing happened >:(

I experienced similar disappointment when hanging around on Raw Dykes Road*, which completely failed to deliver. ::)

*That road exists, and is ten minutes' walk from my flat. I keep meaning to get a photo of GF and I standing by the sign. ;D

That sounds like it could be close to Dumbiedykes which is not far from where I live! ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: mechtilde on February 02, 2011, 05:47:28 AM
Is it reached via Fannybush Lane?

Oops no, that's just outside my village!

I just want to know where all the rugby players are - on Hookergate Lane?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on February 02, 2011, 06:42:14 AM
I think there was a place named Humptulips near Washington... I really don't think I wanna know how it might have originated.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: bigozzy on February 02, 2011, 06:52:59 AM
I think there was a place named Humptulips near Washington... I really don't think I wanna know how it might have originated.


Lonely Dutch immigrants?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on February 02, 2011, 10:50:00 AM
I think there was a place named Humptulips near Washington... I really don't think I wanna know how it might have originated.


Lonely Dutch immigrants?

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D >:D best laugh in a long while!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: exitzero on February 02, 2011, 11:01:43 AM
A Facebook update from a friend:

Got a hoe and whacked off some icicles from the house today.

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 02, 2011, 11:04:13 AM
One of my coworkers has been doing some home improvement work and was loaning a set of tools to another coworker.

He came in with the tool set and another coworker asked, 'What do you have there?'

'A ram set.'

'What are you doing with it?'

'Giving it to Mary.'
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Elpie on February 02, 2011, 11:37:47 AM
Has anyone else added this yet (search didn't show anything)?

Dangling Participles

.... ok, dangling anything will make me giggle.  :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on February 02, 2011, 02:28:15 PM
My English grandma occasionally refers to loose ends, tricky bits of craft work and such as "fiddly bits." It always makes me giggle.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia S on February 03, 2011, 05:07:02 AM
I think there was a place named Humptulips near Washington... I really don't think I wanna know how it might have originated.


Lonely Dutch immigrants?

I rarely laugh out loud when reading funnies on teh interwebz, but this did it. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on February 04, 2011, 02:44:22 PM
I think there was a place named Humptulips near Washington... I really don't think I wanna know how it might have originated.


Lonely Dutch immigrants?

This is per Wikipedia:

The name Humptulips may have come from a local Native American language, meaning 'hard to pole', referring to the difficulty local Native Americans had poling their canoes along the Humptulips River.[4] According to other sources the word means 'chilly region'.[5] Another possibility is that Humptulips was the name of a band of the Chehalis tribe.

The name is seen as humorous for its sexual innuendos like Lake Titicaca and *(Oh, I'm a pottymouth extraordinaire!), Austria.

There's nothing that I can add to that...

*That town is a legitimate town in Austria.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on February 04, 2011, 03:35:31 PM
Funny that the name of it is in English. ;) >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Xallanthia on February 04, 2011, 04:08:16 PM
Oh wow, I've never seen that forum correction before...  help, anyone?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Harriet Jones on February 04, 2011, 05:13:52 PM
It's the f-word per the wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humptulips,_Washington) entry
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ferrets on February 04, 2011, 05:35:23 PM
*That town is a legitimate town in Austria.

As is Wank (a mountain and village) in Bavaria.

(Whilst I'm aware the word has a less vulgar definition in much of the US, over here it's slang for "solo Scrabble". The fact that I have difficulty reading the place's Wiki entry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wank_%28mountain%29) without snorting would appear to confirm the fact that I'm still 12 years old inside. ::))
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 04, 2011, 06:40:02 PM
Nah, it means the same thing over here, though it may not be used quite as often, given the vast number of synonyms at our disposal :P 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: princess91765 on February 04, 2011, 07:17:28 PM
I'm a recruiter in a field that seems to draw a lot of Vietnamese applicants. A seemingly common name for men is Hung.

So one time I am expecting an applicant, he walks in at the correct time so I say "You must be Hung." He replies "Yes, I am Hung."

My co-worker almost died laughing and the poor man probably thought we were making fun of him.  :-[
 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: bigozzy on February 05, 2011, 07:34:19 AM
*That town is a legitimate town in Austria.

As is Wank (a mountain and village) in Bavaria.

(Whilst I'm aware the word has a less vulgar definition in much of the US, over here it's slang for "solo Scrabble". The fact that I have difficulty reading the place's Wiki entry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wank_%28mountain%29) without snorting would appear to confirm the fact that I'm still 12 years old inside. ::))



And the people who live there are a bunch of...?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 05, 2011, 12:16:42 PM
*That town is a legitimate town in Austria.

As is Wank (a mountain and village) in Bavaria.

(Whilst I'm aware the word has a less vulgar definition in much of the US, over here it's slang for "solo Scrabble". The fact that I have difficulty reading the place's Wiki entry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wank_%28mountain%29) without snorting would appear to confirm the fact that I'm still 12 years old inside. ::))



And the people who live there are a bunch of...?

Bavarians, Ozzy.  Bavarians...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ferrets on February 05, 2011, 09:38:09 PM
Nah, it means the same thing over here, though it may not be used quite as often, given the vast number of synonyms at our disposal :P 

Ah, ta. :is educated: :) The times I've seen the difference come up, it's been in discussion with people from the US only familiar with the non-Scrabble meaning, so I Made An Interesting Assumption based on that. ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 05, 2011, 09:40:09 PM
Nah, it means the same thing over here, though it may not be used quite as often, given the vast number of synonyms at our disposal :P 

Ah, ta. :is educated: :) The times I've seen the difference come up, it's been in discussion with people from the US only familiar with the non-Scrabble meaning, so I Made An Interesting Assumption based on that. ;)

Non scrabble meaning?  I have no idea what you're talking about :P  Must find dictionary, afraid to google definition of wank ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ferrets on February 05, 2011, 09:50:29 PM
Self-indulgent posturing/complaining/trouble-causing, mainly. An unsurprisingly popular activity in fandom (see Fan Wank (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FanWank)).

(Link is worksafe if you consider TVTropes "worksafe" [as opposed to "all-powerful-vaccuum-void which will swallow both you and the remainder of your working day" ;)].)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 05, 2011, 09:52:46 PM
Self-indulgent posturing/complaining/trouble-causing, mainly. An unsurprisingly popular activity in fandom (see Fan Wank (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FanWank)).

Ah, I get you now.  I've never really separated the two definitions in my head :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: bigozzy on February 06, 2011, 05:20:33 AM
*That town is a legitimate town in Austria.

As is Wank (a mountain and village) in Bavaria.

(Whilst I'm aware the word has a less vulgar definition in much of the US, over here it's slang for "solo Scrabble". The fact that I have difficulty reading the place's Wiki entry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wank_%28mountain%29) without snorting would appear to confirm the fact that I'm still 12 years old inside. ::))



And the people who live there are a bunch of...?

Bavarians, Ozzy.  Bavarians...


well, of course, yes that's it.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Miss Vertigo on February 06, 2011, 05:30:46 AM
As is Wank (a mountain and village) in Bavaria.

Ditto the Wankel Engine (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wankel_engine), which will never not be funny.

*is plainly twelve*
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on February 06, 2011, 12:08:29 PM
Last night at dinner we were talking about grammar, as I'm taking a grammar course.

I was kvetching about the exercise on semi-colons and my kids (all teens/young adults) were rolling their eyes.

DH made a comment about watching out for dangling participles and there was a pause, and then everyone burst out laughing.

Apparently, we all had the same, bizarre, definition for the term.  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on February 07, 2011, 01:31:55 AM
Just remember...

I have a friend (Romanian currently living in the UK) who was dating a Chinese guy (also living in the UK.) So, they spend a holiday together and they go to a hotel. Waking up in the morning sort of hungry, but not really feeling up to going for breakfast, she suggests calling for room service. He looked seriously confused. Turns out- where he came from, "room service" is an euphemism for...well, other kind of paid services.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Xallanthia on February 07, 2011, 01:14:24 PM
Self-indulgent posturing/complaining/trouble-causing, mainly. An unsurprisingly popular activity in fandom (see Fan Wank (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FanWank)).

Ah, I get you now.  I've never really separated the two definitions in my head :)

me either....
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Celany on February 07, 2011, 10:20:09 PM
"Now I know where I get those hairballs! In the crotch of my knit pants!"

- shouted by my roommate tonight

By hairballs, she meant when you shed hair and it ends up in a little, well, ball, stuck to your clothing. We had a conversation about them earlier today. I get them in my pants pocket sometimes. She couldn't remember where hers appeared until she started putting laundry away.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Xallanthia on February 08, 2011, 11:13:21 AM
lol

I get them in the underarms of my knit sweaters.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: kitty_ev on February 08, 2011, 01:36:55 PM
This was a rather foot-in-mouth moment that made me blush, but it was too daft not to share, so here we go...

b/g  We're getting married in a few weeks. Originally the organist was going to be my fiance's godparent's son who he's known since childhood and who was a Cambridge organ scholar. The man is gifted musically, and I really mean that. Unfortunately he's had to pull out (with our blessing- totally legitimate reason and no hurt feelings or anything like that), so on Sunday when we were at church to hear our Banns read, we waited around afterwards to speak to the organist, a very pleasant man called Mike. The organ was open as it had just been used, and he offered to play us some music to give us some ideas as to what we might like.

Now, I've never seen an organ this big up close before, so I was interestedly examining the working parts, which led to the innocently made comment:

"My goodness, I've never seen so many knobs in one place before!"

Cue blushes from me as I realise what I'd said (a rare occurrence) and fiance nearly rupturing a kidney trying not to laugh.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: lady_disdain on February 08, 2011, 04:21:45 PM

Now, I've never seen an organ this big up close before, so I was interestedly examining the working parts [...]

What did your fiance think of THAT?

Now I am off to look for my mind in the gutters.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: kitty_ev on February 08, 2011, 06:25:32 PM

Now, I've never seen an organ this big up close before, so I was interestedly examining the working parts [...]

What did your fiance think of THAT?

Now I am off to look for my mind in the gutters.

Fortunately that bit wasn't out loud. I have said it since in relating the story though, and he appeared to rupture his other kidney attempting not to laugh, so I assume he didn't mind  ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on February 11, 2011, 01:33:54 AM

The name is seen as humorous for its sexual innuendos like Lake Titicaca and *(Oh, I'm a pottymouth extraordinaire!), Austria.[/color]

There's nothing that I can add to that...

*That town is a legitimate town in Austria.

I was just reading the wikipedia entry for the village of F#ck!ng, Austria.

"There is a bus service operated by OÖVV between Schärding  and Eggerding  which makes stops at UnterF#ck!ng, (Lower F#ck!ng,) and OberF#ck!ng, (Upper F#ck!ng,). Bus route 2302 operates once a day from Monday to Friday".

 With all due respect, this sounds srrrsly wrong.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on February 11, 2011, 01:37:26 AM
Lol, some more place names.
Iron Knob (Queensland, Australia),
 Long Dong (Guangxi, China),
Mianus (Connecticut, USA)
Sexmoan (Luxon, Philippines).
Great Cockup and Little Cockup (Lake District, UK)

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: supernova on February 11, 2011, 12:21:48 PM
I have a postcard proudly displayed on my fridge, from  a small town in Newfoundland  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:DildoNewfoundland.jpg).   (I tried to link to the Wikipedia page but it wouldn't let me.)

Friends sent it to me when they went through on vacation, so it's a genuine, uh...

...postcard.   ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: FoxPaws on February 11, 2011, 01:24:03 PM
Somewhere, sometime, an enterprising travel agent is going to put together The Bleep Tour package to all these places. ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ferrets on February 11, 2011, 01:57:18 PM
I nominate faithlessone's below post in the Things are different in TV land thread. ;)

The eye candy is supposed to distract you from the inconsistencies and the unbelievable moments.

I believe that was the entirety of the initial pitch for Torchwood. ;D

They just showed a picture of Captain Jack and said "Give him a spinoff". And it was done. ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: exitzero on February 13, 2011, 07:25:43 AM
One Valentine's Day a male coworker came in wearing a sparkly heart pin that one of his children had given him.

Another coworker yelled out, "Oh, look, David has a heart on!"

Cue crickets chirping until we figured out what she meant.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Xallanthia on February 14, 2011, 04:33:50 PM
I belong to a group on the yarn site Ravelry which is dedicated to untangling yarn.  We love to do it and people on the site simply mail us tangles that we detangle & return :)

Anyway, yesterday I responded to someone's cry for help with:

Quote
I'd love to take it!  Fingering sounds awesome!

....

edited as soon as posted.  Fingering *weight* yarn.  Sounds awesome to work with.

(For non-yarn people--Fingering weight is very thin yarn, almost as thin as (sometimes the same as) laceweight).
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: bigozzy on February 15, 2011, 04:39:25 AM
Yesterday I was at a meeting where, at the end, any other business was called for.

One of my colleagues loudly stated " I have real concerns about digital penetration". After a 3 hour academic board (bored) meeting for some reason chaos ensued.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: guihong on February 15, 2011, 11:09:26 AM
One of the ads on this very site, just now.  It showed a picture of a young woman, cut off just below the chest.  The banner?  "Nordstrom Rack".  Over in the fine print: "Shop The Rack". 

I knew very well it's for clothing, but my inner 12 year old boy giggled just a bit  ;D.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on February 15, 2011, 08:19:27 PM
I was reminded by the funny signs thread of this place name from Arizona:

Dry Beaver Creek.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on February 17, 2011, 10:57:01 AM
Oh by the way, did I mention that I've been commuting every day from my neighbourhood to school for the past nearly 7 years with city trolleybus no. 69?
( A lot of people I know have a giggle about it. )
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Marisol on February 22, 2011, 10:54:29 AM
Fingering was a program they used in college to locate which computer someone was using on campus.  You could "finger" the person's name in the program and it would tell you exactly what room and computer they were on.  So...I would hear a lot of people throwing around the word:  "Just finger Lisa and we can go surprise her!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Carnation on February 22, 2011, 11:26:31 AM
Oh by the way, did I mention that I've been commuting every day from my neighbourhood to school for the past nearly 7 years with city trolleybus no. 69?
( A lot of people I know have a giggle about it. )

I know a cop who had that for a badge number.  Worse, the local strip club would hire uniformed officers to provide security on the weekends.  He got many comments.

He was glad when the badge rotation came and he got a lower number.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lynn2000 on February 22, 2011, 11:36:24 PM
Don't know if this has been mentioned or not... I recently had to ban our work computer guy from using the word "dongle" because I could. Not. Keep a straight face when he talked about it. In my non-technical mind it's actually kind of a USB key or adapter that you plug into the computer that allows a device or program to work... The older, larger ones I remember actually had something extra that would, er, dangle off them.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: LadyClaire on February 23, 2011, 09:27:00 AM
Don't know if this has been mentioned or not... I recently had to ban our work computer guy from using the word "dongle" because I could. Not. Keep a straight face when he talked about it. In my non-technical mind it's actually kind of a USB key or adapter that you plug into the computer that allows a device or program to work... The older, larger ones I remember actually had something extra that would, er, dangle off them.

Once, a bunch of guys from our IT department were trying to figure out why our ID machine wasn't working. So they're crowded around, about 5 guys, all staring at the computer and printer when one of them spoke up and said "Hey, Dave, I figured out why it's not working! Someone's taken the dongle!"

Dave: "you're right. it is missing the dongle"

Mike: "I hate it when my dongle goes missing..."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on February 23, 2011, 02:21:37 PM
I work in a newspaper.

Today's front page headline reads:

"Add Scrabble Champ to the Resume"

Umm...no thanks, think I'll pass  ;D ;D ;D

(It's about a local teacher who apparently holds the record on Facebook of number of Scrabble games won - over 12,000.)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lynn2000 on February 24, 2011, 09:25:58 AM
I work in a newspaper.

Today's front page headline reads:

"Add Scrabble Champ to the Resume"

Umm...no thanks, think I'll pass  ;D ;D ;D

(It's about a local teacher who apparently holds the record on Facebook of number of Scrabble games won - over 12,000.)

I KNOW! Ever since frequenting this board I have not been able to see "scrabble" as anything but a euphemism. One of my friends told me the other day that she and her husband played Scrabble with another couple the other night and I was like  :o Oh wait, she meant the board game...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on February 24, 2011, 03:03:06 PM
I work in a newspaper.

Today's front page headline reads:

"Add Scrabble Champ to the Resume"

Umm...no thanks, think I'll pass  ;D ;D ;D

(It's about a local teacher who apparently holds the record on Facebook of number of Scrabble games won - over 12,000.)

I KNOW! Ever since frequenting this board I have not been able to see "scrabble" as anything but a euphemism. One of my friends told me the other day that she and her husband played Scrabble with another couple the other night and I was like  :o Oh wait, she meant the board game...

I told the editorial staff about EHell and the euphemism in the headline.
They thought it was hilarious!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: LadyClaire on February 25, 2011, 06:55:32 AM
I work in a newspaper.

Today's front page headline reads:

"Add Scrabble Champ to the Resume"

Umm...no thanks, think I'll pass  ;D ;D ;D

(It's about a local teacher who apparently holds the record on Facebook of number of Scrabble games won - over 12,000.)

I KNOW! Ever since frequenting this board I have not been able to see "scrabble" as anything but a euphemism. One of my friends told me the other day that she and her husband played Scrabble with another couple the other night and I was like  :o Oh wait, she meant the board game...

Me too. Scrabble is no longer a board game, to me.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on February 25, 2011, 07:03:49 PM
I work in a newspaper.

Today's front page headline reads:

"Add Scrabble Champ to the Resume"

Umm...no thanks, think I'll pass  ;D ;D ;D

(It's about a local teacher who apparently holds the record on Facebook of number of Scrabble games won - over 12,000.)

I KNOW! Ever since frequenting this board I have not been able to see "scrabble" as anything but a euphemism. One of my friends told me the other day that she and her husband played Scrabble with another couple the other night and I was like  :o Oh wait, she meant the board game...

Me too. Scrabble is no longer a board game, to me.

So...what does that make Triple Scrabble?   >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on February 26, 2011, 08:37:49 PM
I work in a newspaper.

Today's front page headline reads:

"Add Scrabble Champ to the Resume"

Umm...no thanks, think I'll pass  ;D ;D ;D

(It's about a local teacher who apparently holds the record on Facebook of number of Scrabble games won - over 12,000.)



I KNOW! Ever since frequenting this board I have not been able to see "scrabble" as anything but a euphemism. One of my friends told me the other day that she and her husband played Scrabble with another couple the other night and I was like  :o Oh wait, she meant the board game...

Me too. Scrabble is no longer a board game, to me.

So...what does that make Triple Scrabble? 

Ummm.  Probably the kind of games social event at that should *never* make the front page of the local paper... >:D >:D >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Akarui Kibuno on February 27, 2011, 09:13:03 AM
Well, I did think of E-Hell Scrabble when I started playing it on Facebook (despite not playing much now, I am in a game where I just... need to play more XD) ... except when I started a thread about it I said I was looking for Scrabble partners.

You can guess how well that went here :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on February 27, 2011, 12:00:47 PM
Well, I did think of E-Hell Scrabble when I started playing it on Facebook (despite not playing much now, I am in a game where I just... need to play more XD) ... except when I started a thread about it I said I was looking for Scrabble partners.

You can guess how well that went here :P

And from Akarui's "who wants to play scrabble with me" topic, after someone expressed interest

Woohoo!

Well,it's funny to see that in a topic about scrablle since, as anyone who has played the Sims knows, WooHoo also means *that*. (Noooooooo, I'm not obsessed at all!!!)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on February 27, 2011, 12:11:50 PM
Well, I did think of E-Hell Scrabble when I started playing it on Facebook (despite not playing much now, I am in a game where I just... need to play more XD) ... except when I started a thread about it I said I was looking for Scrabble partners.

You can guess how well that went here :P

And from Akarui's "who wants to play scrabble with me" topic, after someone expressed interest

Woohoo!

Well,it's funny to see that in a topic about scrablle since, as anyone who has played the Sims knows, WooHoo also means *that*. (Noooooooo, I'm not obsessed at all!!!)

...I'm not alone?!  :D I LOVE the Sims lol. 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: TheMrs. on March 01, 2011, 12:08:12 PM
I work in a newspaper.

Today's front page headline reads:

"Add Scrabble Champ to the Resume"

Umm...no thanks, think I'll pass  ;D ;D ;D

(It's about a local teacher who apparently holds the record on Facebook of number of Scrabble games won - over 12,000.)


hmmm that's my hometown newspaper too :)  and yes I giggled too.... ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on March 01, 2011, 02:19:07 PM
I work in a newspaper.

Today's front page headline reads:

"Add Scrabble Champ to the Resume"

Umm...no thanks, think I'll pass  ;D ;D ;D

(It's about a local teacher who apparently holds the record on Facebook of number of Scrabble games won - over 12,000.)


hmmm that's my hometown newspaper too :)  and yes I giggled too.... ;D

Looking at your profile, yes, we are definitely in the same city!  :o
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Iris on March 01, 2011, 11:09:35 PM
I work in a newspaper.

Today's front page headline reads:

"Add Scrabble Champ to the Resume"

Umm...no thanks, think I'll pass  ;D ;D ;D

(It's about a local teacher who apparently holds the record on Facebook of number of Scrabble games won - over 12,000.)

I KNOW! Ever since frequenting this board I have not been able to see "scrabble" as anything but a euphemism. One of my friends told me the other day that she and her husband played Scrabble with another couple the other night and I was like  :o Oh wait, she meant the board game...

Me too. Scrabble is no longer a board game, to me.

So...what does that make Triple Scrabble?   >:D

In class today a student had just arrived and was playing a game on his i-thingy as he walked in. He said "I'm playing scrabble, miss".

Definitely caused a double take on my part!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jolie_kitten on March 02, 2011, 12:17:32 AM
I work in a newspaper.

Today's front page headline reads:

"Add Scrabble Champ to the Resume"

Umm...no thanks, think I'll pass  ;D ;D ;D

(It's about a local teacher who apparently holds the record on Facebook of number of Scrabble games won - over 12,000.)

I KNOW! Ever since frequenting this board I have not been able to see "scrabble" as anything but a euphemism. One of my friends told me the other day that she and her husband played Scrabble with another couple the other night and I was like  :o Oh wait, she meant the board game...

Me too. Scrabble is no longer a board game, to me.

So...what does that make Triple Scrabble?   >:D

In class today a student had just arrived and was playing a game on his i-thingy as he walked in. He said "I'm playing scrabble, miss".

Definitely caused a double take on my part!

Double double take on my part, since "thingy" is often my euphemism of choice for male/female body parts :D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: TheMrs. on March 03, 2011, 02:00:42 PM
I work in a newspaper.

Today's front page headline reads:

"Add Scrabble Champ to the Resume"

Umm...no thanks, think I'll pass  ;D ;D ;D

(It's about a local teacher who apparently holds the record on Facebook of number of Scrabble games won - over 12,000.)


hmmm that's my hometown newspaper too :)  and yes I giggled too.... ;D

Looking at your profile, yes, we are definitely in the same city!  :o
Small world...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lisbeth on July 07, 2011, 10:38:56 PM
According to my mom, in the great Scrabble Tournament tonight, my mom beat my dad.  She posted about it on Facebook. :D

I really have to wonder if there were any seven-letter words or triple word scores.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Bijou on July 09, 2011, 08:52:48 AM
At a meeting, I turned to someone in back of me and asked, "Do you have the time?" and they said, "If you have the inclination."   :o
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: portiafimbriata on July 12, 2011, 10:54:50 PM
DH and I are avid amateur sausage/charcuterie folk.

When we first got started we were discussing the importance of prepwork and teamwork before a sausage-making day. He mentioned a local German/Carpathian mens organization where sausage making is a sort of sub-project and said:

"I might look into joining. Sometimes the men get together to grind their sausages."

Silence.

Then we laughed ourselves into a coronary.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: crella on July 15, 2011, 06:04:56 AM
When we were expecting our son, we were on a fellowship in Switzerland. After I got there I thought 'Boy my jet lag is lasting a long time'  ;D The demands of DHs work would mean that I would be alone most of the time with a new baby, and they discharge you something like 18 hours after birth. I went back to my parents' house at about 33 weeks. As soon as I got there my Dad started buying chocolate almond ice cream. And kept buying it. One day I was sitting eating another bowl of it, one of my loopier days, and I chirped, 'Gee, if I eat much more of this, this baby's going to be born with nuts!'

Oh, dear.....I still haven't lived that one down.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on July 17, 2011, 10:59:47 AM
I'm not 100% sure how this conversation started, but I do remember several parts of it.

The wireless associate came into the photo lab, just giggling. When we asked her what happened, she relayed how she misdialed a wireless company number to a "fun by the minute" number.
From there, we ended up talking about how much better early 70's adult movies are than they are now, and how the music was better.

We went on to another topic, when a customer came up to the counter. I went up to help her, my manager went and leaned on the counter by our file cabinet. I went to get the pictures out, and he asked for the customers last name. I tell him Johnson, and he says, I pulled one out earlier.

I had to had this lady her pictures, trying not to laugh, because of that.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: violinp on July 19, 2011, 12:26:32 AM
When my dad was a kid, he would keep his dad waiting, saying, "Just a sec"

Finally, Grandpa was fed up and yelled for the whole neighborhood to hear "NO MORE SECS!"  :P

There's also a town in Virginia called Smack@ss.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on July 19, 2011, 08:22:13 PM
My poor mother...

Imagine this: you are at the house of your 23 year old daughter and her boyfriend who have been living together for over a year.  You hear your daughter mention to her boyfriend something about the shower; then you hear the water start.  The next thing you hear is your daughter very loudly shouting, "STOP, NO, YOU'RE GETTING ME ALL WET...AND EWWW, STICKY!"

I think her heart attack stopped when a very wet dog came plowing out of the bathroom. 

See, I mentioned "shower" about giving the dogs a bath.  The rest was because my dog was backing into me, turning around a lot, and shaking despite still being sprayed down.  Then she decided it would be a good idea to nose (you know, when dogs nudge you with their noses?) the shampoo bottle out of my hand while I was squeezing it...cue a fumble for the bottle and me getting dog shampoo all over me.  I don't know what was funnier: what she thought was happening or her trying to tell me what she thought was happening...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: January Girl on July 20, 2011, 01:55:53 PM
I bought my husband a smoker for Fathers Day. We got it all set up a few days later. Then we decided a ham would be delish roasted over some hickory chips. Yummmyy..... ;D

A few days later we were in a store and I looked at him square in the eye and said "I can't wait to smoke your ham when we get home."  :o

My husband half laughed, half spurted all over the cashier. After it came out of my mouth I was doubled over in laughter. The cashier was laughing and when we finally explained to him what it meant he was laughing even harder.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: nutraxfornerves on July 21, 2011, 05:03:30 PM
I overheared the last bit of what must have been a pretty interesting conversation at a cafe today. A man & woman are sitting at a table. He is talking enthusiastically; she is silent & appears very uncomfortable. What I heard went more or less like this...

"...There is this shrimp. Small and spicy, if you know what I mean. I usually like 'em bigger, but this was really tasty."

"uh, um..."

"And they had this chorizo thing with olives--"

"Wait a minute! Chorizo? Olives? What are you talking about?"

"El Matador. That Spanish restaurant. My favorite place for tapas."

"Tapas!? I thought you were talking about your favorite topless place!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on July 22, 2011, 03:58:48 PM
I bought my husband a smoker for Fathers Day. We got it all set up a few days later. Then we decided a ham would be delish roasted over some hickory chips. Yummmyy..... ;D

A few days later we were in a store and I looked at him square in the eye and said "I can't wait to smoke your ham when we get home."  :o

My husband half laughed, half spurted all over the cashier. After it came out of my mouth I was doubled over in laughter. The cashier was laughing and when we finally explained to him what it meant he was laughing even harder.

A lady from church got a smoker, and was talking about smoking a ham.  I asked her, "Which end do you light?"  It was a good ten minutes before she and Mr. Sirius finished laughing.  (I don't know where that came from; I'm usually not that clever.)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on July 26, 2011, 01:33:49 AM
Chris from Canadian country band Doc Walker posted this on his Facebook wall on Nov 6, and I thought of it while reading this thread,

Doc Walker-Chris
Well time ta get the guitar fixed up , my g-string is stickin ta my nut!!!!!

Then responded on Nov 8 with


Doc Walker-Chris
So this is a Picture of a guitar Nut and Third from the top is a G-String And sometimes they get sticky , what is wrong with you people...;)

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=167921269898796&set=a.167921266565463.36662.100000427712361&type=1&ref=nf

LOL!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on July 26, 2011, 10:24:09 AM
Chris from Canadian country band Doc Walker posted this on his Facebook wall on Nov 6, and I thought of it while reading this thread,

Doc Walker-Chris
Well time ta get the guitar fixed up , my g-string is stickin ta my nut!!!!!

Then responded on Nov 8 with


Doc Walker-Chris
So this is a Picture of a guitar Nut and Third from the top is a G-String And sometimes they get sticky , what is wrong with you people...;)

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=167921269898796&set=a.167921266565463.36662.100000427712361&type=1&ref=nf

LOL!

We had conversations like that amongst us orchestra geeks when I was in middle school.  We didn't think much over it until we'd see other kids looking at us like we'd lost our minds, lol.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MizB on August 07, 2011, 11:06:40 AM
Gotta love the g string jokes. When I was in college choir we had a tenor who also played piano, he was saying something about the g string and for the rest of the yearbwe asked how it fit.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: twiggy on August 08, 2011, 12:24:59 AM
It seems that the Wii is a bit terrible, doesn't it? Once, when we first got the Wii, BIL and some friends were over and we were all playing Mario Kart. DH was in the other room, so BIL chose DH's Mii as his avatar. I was arguing with BIL when DH walked into the room and asked what was wrong. I replied "Your brother won't quit playing with you"

More Wii Mario Kart quotes:
"Pow 'em good"
"the bridge is a great place to drop your banana"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on August 08, 2011, 05:28:32 AM
Oh the fun I has with Super Mario Cart for the SNES.  I loves me some red shell.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Carnation on August 18, 2011, 07:05:28 PM
Mastication. :-\
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sanity Lost on August 18, 2011, 07:44:01 PM
Walking past the 2 IT guys.

1st IT guy - So they are coming to fix it later.
2nd IT guy- Great I HATE it when the AC blows

Me: Yeah I know how that gets you guys all hot and bothered. *Keeps walking*

IT guys  :o  :o  :o

I only LOOK sweet and innocent  >:D ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: purplemuse on August 19, 2011, 07:12:27 AM
This video is more things that look dirty, I guess:

http://noms.icanhascheezburger.com/2011/08/18/funny-food-photos-maturitys-greatest-foe-the-geoduck/

Warning-- contains graphic images of a geoduck.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: lkb on August 19, 2011, 09:05:34 AM
I'm from the Detroit area and the story goes that one of our more popular tv news anchors was doing a story about popular Christmas toys. This was several years ago and as it happens one of the top movies that year was one of the Toy Story movies.

After the story, she turns to the sports guy seated next to her and asks (in all innocence), "Do you have a Woody?"

He was too stunned to answer so she turns to the weather guy seated on the other side and asked the same question.

They  cut to a commercial right away.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on August 20, 2011, 01:05:45 AM
We are waiting for some documents at work.
They are being sent by a client who has an unusual name.

One of the managers checks in with me from time to time to see if the documents have arrived.


But I was being proactive, so I stuck my head in my head in his office and said "Just wanted to let you know that I don't have your Winky yet!"

Yeah, that didn't sound good at all!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Kimblee on August 20, 2011, 07:42:18 PM
This video is more things that look dirty, I guess:

http://noms.icanhascheezburger.com/2011/08/18/funny-food-photos-maturitys-greatest-foe-the-geoduck/

Warning-- contains graphic images of a geoduck.

"After you take it out, you can see its become hard."

I couldn't stop giggling. Then i made my dad watch it too.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: JadeGirl on August 20, 2011, 08:52:16 PM
This video is more things that look dirty, I guess:

http://noms.icanhascheezburger.com/2011/08/18/funny-food-photos-maturitys-greatest-foe-the-geoduck/

Warning-- contains graphic images of a geoduck.

I think I just ruptured something from laughing so hard.

"Oooh la la!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on August 21, 2011, 07:24:53 PM
"Come on little goatsies, show me the goatsies!"

I blame it on me being unable to sleep.  You see, it was about 4 am and I was waiting for my goats on FrontierVille to be ready to harvest; they had 3 minutes remaining.  Thankfully, I was the only one to hear myself, but it still made me laugh when I realized what I had said; especially the second part!

ETA: If you do not know what a goatsee is and are about to search it, I want to forewarn you that it is NSFW and probably not for the easily squickable
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on August 21, 2011, 10:36:52 PM
"Come on little goatsies, show me the goatsies!"

I blame it on me being unable to sleep.  You see, it was about 4 am and I was waiting for my goats on FrontierVille to be ready to harvest; they had 3 minutes remaining.  Thankfully, I was the only one to hear myself, but it still made me laugh when I realized what I had said; especially the second part!

Oh my......
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: baglady on August 22, 2011, 10:24:25 PM
This video is more things that look dirty, I guess:

http://noms.icanhascheezburger.com/2011/08/18/funny-food-photos-maturitys-greatest-foe-the-geoduck/

Warning-- contains graphic images of a geoduck.

"After you take it out, you can see its become hard."

I couldn't stop giggling. Then i made my dad watch it too.

You just gave me a college flashback.

From L (female), who was a Martha Stewart clone before anyone had ever heard of Martha:

"There's nothing I haven't done with a zucchini."

From K (male), who was getting impatient with his first quiche:

"I'm not gonna sit around all night waiting for this thing to get hard!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on August 24, 2011, 07:53:36 PM
"Why can't I hold hands with children? I just want them to follow me over to that doorway."

Dark Boyfriend is playing Fable III; he thinks the way to open one of the Demon Doors is to present a child to it.  In this Fable, you can lead around people by the hand.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: LadyClaire on August 26, 2011, 09:40:23 AM
A co-worker, yesterday: "I just wanted a little one, so I asked the guy if I could have it smaller than six inches. Maybe more like three inches, like just a half of one. When he pulled it out and put it on the counter, though, I could tell that it was bigger than three inches, but oh well. It was still smaller than six so it worked."

She was talking about subway sandwich bread, and how she'd wanted just a small sandwich, not a full sized one.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Harriet Jones on September 21, 2011, 07:13:20 PM
The Spanish label on a waffle maker : waffleria giratoria
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CG on September 23, 2011, 04:25:43 PM
"Why can't I hold hands with children? I just want them to follow me over to that doorway."

Dark Boyfriend is playing Fable III; he thinks the way to open one of the Demon Doors is to present a child to it.  In this Fable, you can lead around people by the hand.

Dark boyfriend is correct, but there's only one category of child you can lead around.


In the middle of an argument, a third neutral party: Silence! I'm masticating!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 23, 2011, 04:52:41 PM
"Why can't I hold hands with children? I just want them to follow me over to that doorway."

Dark Boyfriend is playing Fable III; he thinks the way to open one of the Demon Doors is to present a child to it.  In this Fable, you can lead around people by the hand.

Dark boyfriend is correct, but there's only one category of child you can lead around.


In the middle of an argument, a third neutral party: Silence! I'm masticating!

Aha!  Good to know.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Xallanthia on September 29, 2011, 01:16:51 PM
"Why can't I hold hands with children? I just want them to follow me over to that doorway."

Dark Boyfriend is playing Fable III; he thinks the way to open one of the Demon Doors is to present a child to it.  In this Fable, you can lead around people by the hand.

Dark boyfriend is correct, but there's only one category of child you can lead around.


In the middle of an argument, a third neutral party: Silence! I'm masticating!

The wise guy out of a bunch of exhausted, hungry teenagers who have just ordered pizza after a long flight that got delayed and was a headache:  "When the food gets here we're gonna engage in some group mastication!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on September 29, 2011, 01:18:55 PM
It's almost like a rite of passage, the first time a teenager learns the word masticate.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: LadyClaire on October 12, 2011, 09:47:50 AM
Today at work I was trying to remove something from a box with a co-worker. It was a very long, skinny box, and the contents (a massive roll of heavy posters) did not want to budge. So she's got one end of the roll of posters pulling on it, and I'm pn the other end yanking on the box. We're basically playing tug-of-war with it and getting nowhere, and saying things like "come on..just..pull..harder...it'll come out!" and "I'm yanking as hard as I can, but the stuff just isn't coming out the end!" and "oh my god, it's so big and in there so tight that it just can't move!!"

another co-worker was sitting behind us just dying with laughter because it sounded so, so bad..

Of course, there was also the event last week where we were having to re-arrange some furniture. a co-worker and the head of the maintenance department were sliding a long, tall cabinet into an empty office. co-worker is female, the head of maintenance is male. From around the corner we hear the head of maintenance say"Oh my god, it just won't fit! It's way too long to go in there!", and co-worker, who is grunting from the effort of moving this massive piece of furniture replies "Just tilt it and slide it in at an angle! it'll go right in if you do that!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: readingchick on October 12, 2011, 10:51:25 AM
It's almost like a rite of passage, the first time a teenager learns the word masticate.

In the same vein, the word macerate sounds really dirty.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lynn2000 on October 12, 2011, 06:42:07 PM
Awkward moment with the boss today. She was showing some old photos of plant parts (roots, stems, leaves, etc.) that she'd taken to use in her research and all of a sudden she flips one around and says, "And what do you think THIS is??" She likes to "quiz" us sometimes on our knowledge.

Unfortunately, this particular plant photo was rather suggestive of, well, human male parts. Complete with coloring.

I think she realized it at the same time I did, but we don't have that kind of joking relationship, and there were other people around, and I really had to fight to keep a straight face and babble out something about roots and leaves...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 12, 2011, 10:08:48 PM
There are some sounds that, unless you are in the room watching a show, will sound completely wrong.

Case in point.  Yesterday DH is watching Star Trek while I'm making dinner, and I don't remember the name of the episode, but it's the one where Picard is in charge of kids in an elevator shaft while Wharf is stuck having to deliver Keiko's baby.  Which of course was highly amusing.

Well I'm in the kitchen when Keiko's having contractions and let's just say the sounds she makes while in labor sounded more like the sounds a woman would make while making the baby rather than when she's delivering it.  I jokingly called into the living room "That doesn't sound right!" DH laughed and said back "It's not what you think, Keiko's in labor!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on October 13, 2011, 01:39:22 AM
There are some sounds that, unless you are in the room watching a show, will sound completely wrong.

Case in point.  Yesterday DH is watching Star Trek while I'm making dinner, and I don't remember the name of the episode, but it's the one where Picard is in charge of kids in an elevator shaft while Wharf is stuck having to deliver Keiko's baby.  Which of course was highly amusing.

Well I'm in the kitchen when Keiko's having contractions and let's just say the sounds she makes while in labor sounded more like the sounds a woman would make while making the baby rather than when she's delivering it.  I jokingly called into the living room "That doesn't sound right!" DH laughed and said back "It's not what you think, Keiko's in labor!"

(Sorry, obligatory.)

Worf:  "Push Keiko.  Push.  Push.  Push!"
Keiko:  "I AM PUSHING!"

(Time passes, the O'Briens move to DS9, then a few seasons later Worf does as well.)

Bashier:  "Worf!  Did you hear?  Keiko's having a baby!"
Worf:  "NOW?!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Irk Splee on October 13, 2011, 03:42:05 AM
There's a series of Nintendo games called Mario Party, which are made up of a bunch of short minigames played for points. Mario Party 8 is the only one on the Wii so far, and it makes good use of the system's motion controls. One game on MP8 that I don't think was thought all the way through involves shaking a soda can as fast as you can in order to make your can spray further than your opponents' cans. How do you make your character shake the can? By shaking the Wiimote up and down, of course!

Go get a Wiimote, shake it up and down, and you tell me what that looks like. I'll wait.

Made even worse when the objective involves spraying...

I was playing the game with three other people when that minigame popped up. Don't know whose presence made it more awkward; my mother, my boyfriend, or my nine-year-old brother. XD
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jess13 on October 13, 2011, 10:14:28 AM
There's a series of Nintendo games called Mario Party, which are made up of a bunch of short minigames played for points. Mario Party 8 is the only one on the Wii so far, and it makes good use of the system's motion controls. One game on MP8 that I don't think was thought all the way through involves shaking a soda can as fast as you can in order to make your can spray further than your opponents' cans. How do you make your character shake the can? By shaking the Wiimote up and down, of course!

Go get a Wiimote, shake it up and down, and you tell me what that looks like. I'll wait.

Made even worse when the objective involves spraying...

I was playing the game with three other people when that minigame popped up. Don't know whose presence made it more awkward; my mother, my boyfriend, or my nine-year-old brother. XD

Both my DH and my 11 yr old DS make fun of this mini-game for this exact reason. First time I saw it I about died laughing!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on October 13, 2011, 12:31:57 PM
There are some sounds that, unless you are in the room watching a show, will sound completely wrong.

Case in point.  Yesterday DH is watching Star Trek while I'm making dinner, and I don't remember the name of the episode, but it's the one where Picard is in charge of kids in an elevator shaft while Wharf is stuck having to deliver Keiko's baby.  Which of course was highly amusing.

Well I'm in the kitchen when Keiko's having contractions and let's just say the sounds she makes while in labor sounded more like the sounds a woman would make while making the baby rather than when she's delivering it.  I jokingly called into the living room "That doesn't sound right!" DH laughed and said back "It's not what you think, Keiko's in labor!"

Love that, especially the part where Warf says, "This is not a good time!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 13, 2011, 03:40:41 PM
There's a series of Nintendo games called Mario Party, which are made up of a bunch of short minigames played for points. Mario Party 8 is the only one on the Wii so far, and it makes good use of the system's motion controls. One game on MP8 that I don't think was thought all the way through involves shaking a soda can as fast as you can in order to make your can spray further than your opponents' cans. How do you make your character shake the can? By shaking the Wiimote up and down, of course!

Go get a Wiimote, shake it up and down, and you tell me what that looks like. I'll wait.

Made even worse when the objective involves spraying...

I was playing the game with three other people when that minigame popped up. Don't know whose presence made it more awkward; my mother, my boyfriend, or my nine-year-old brother. XD

A couple we're friends with have that game and they told me that the 3 of them (DH, the hubby and wife) were playing it and the wife was losing and eventually said "I give up, men have an advantage to this game!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on October 13, 2011, 08:43:28 PM
There's a series of Nintendo games called Mario Party, which are made up of a bunch of short minigames played for points. Mario Party 8 is the only one on the Wii so far, and it makes good use of the system's motion controls. One game on MP8 that I don't think was thought all the way through involves shaking a soda can as fast as you can in order to make your can spray further than your opponents' cans. How do you make your character shake the can? By shaking the Wiimote up and down, of course!

Go get a Wiimote, shake it up and down, and you tell me what that looks like. I'll wait.

Made even worse when the objective involves spraying...

I was playing the game with three other people when that minigame popped up. Don't know whose presence made it more awkward; my mother, my boyfriend, or my nine-year-old brother. XD

A couple we're friends with have that game and they told me that the 3 of them (DH, the hubby and wife) were playing it and the wife was losing and eventually said "I give up, men have an advantage to this game!"

That's how I feel about it! My best male friend and my fiance are both really good at it; my best female friend and I are terrible at it. 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Thipu1 on October 14, 2011, 09:43:46 AM
It's almost like a rite of passage, the first time a teenager learns the word masticate.

In the same vein, the word macerate sounds really dirty.

I remember a former Governor of NYS being roasted.  Terms like this were going all over the place.  His sister was a noted actress and his son was going to college. 

No big deal but it sounds horrible when a pseudo-orator declares that, 'His sister is an avowed thespian and his son is on record as having matriculated at X University!'

I don't believe that anyone has yet mentioned the 'rubber husband'.

This is a disc of rubber or soft plastic with a textured surface.  It's a simple kitchen gadget that helps loosen tight jar tops.  Sometimes, these things are given away as a promotional item.  Then, they're
usually called a 'round tuit'.  The joke is that we all say we're going to do something when we 'get around to it.'
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: supernova on October 14, 2011, 01:31:24 PM
Fascinated by the "rubber husband!"

I've always heard "husband" or "spare husband" as a term referring to that awesome pillow with the little snuggly arms on each side that lets you sit up in bed and read.

My husband is soft and squishy, and covered in lavender fur.   ;D

ETA: 

(http://greatsatinsheets.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Reading-Pillow-300x300.jpg)

A picture is worth 1,000 words 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Petticoats on October 14, 2011, 04:15:41 PM
Recently a topic as dry as page numbering yielded some impressively dirty-sounding discussion.

I emailed my editorial director to ask about using roman versus arabic numerals for the introductory secion of my then-current book:

Me (after some technical stuff): So would it be safe for me to slap some roman down in there? (That came out kind of nasty sounding.)

She (after some technical stuff): ...we always slap some roman down in there. At least, I’ve always slapped some roman down in mine. Though never in the backmatter. (See what you’ve started??)

Me: Yep, sometimes a girl has to slap whoever’s roamin’ in her frontmatter.

We amuse ourselves so. :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: violinp on October 15, 2011, 03:46:38 PM
Recently a topic as dry as page numbering yielded some impressively dirty-sounding discussion.

I emailed my editorial director to ask about using roman versus arabic numerals for the introductory secion of my then-current book:

Me (after some technical stuff): So would it be safe for me to slap some roman down in there? (That came out kind of nasty sounding.)

She (after some technical stuff): ...we always slap some roman down in there. At least, I’ve always slapped some roman down in mine. Though never in the backmatter. (See what you’ve started??)

Me: Yep, sometimes a girl has to slap whoever’s roamin’ in her frontmatter.

We amuse ourselves so. :)

*sporfle*
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: leafeater on October 15, 2011, 04:05:27 PM
My husband sent me to the 7-11 for a particular variety of cashews.

I warned him, "I'm not sure I'll be able to find your nuts."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: baglady on October 16, 2011, 05:51:18 PM
Fascinated by the "rubber husband!"

I've always heard "husband" or "spare husband" as a term referring to that awesome pillow with the little snuggly arms on each side that lets you sit up in bed and read.

My husband is soft and squishy, and covered in lavender fur.   ;D

ETA: 

(http://greatsatinsheets.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Reading-Pillow-300x300.jpg)

A picture is worth 1,000 words 

I need a new husband. My last one had fleas and had to be thrown out.

My boyfriend lets me borrow his husband when I'm at his house. ;-)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 17, 2011, 10:39:13 AM
I went to a charity store yesterday and they had all those bodice-rippers on sale for...69c. I giggled and walked away.

Took me a second but that is AWESOME.

(And since I like a little escapist reading once in a while, I might not have walked away.   :D)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Fleur-de-Lis on October 21, 2011, 02:37:21 PM
"Communications with co-counsel re briefs." 

Somehow, if that meant what it might mean, I really don't want to know. 

Of course, it really means just discussing *pleadings* - let's not go there -

Court documents which have been filed.

I am now officially punchy. 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ms_Cellany on October 21, 2011, 02:45:28 PM
I remember a former Governor of NYS being roasted.  Terms like this were going all over the place.  His sister was a noted actress and his son was going to college. 

No big deal but it sounds horrible when a pseudo-orator declares that, 'His sister is an avowed thespian and his son is on record as having matriculated at X University!'


I remember that as being from Mad Magazine, many years ago - the Slander-Proof Campaign Speech.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: baglady on October 23, 2011, 08:27:58 PM
Don't forget that the candidate is also a proud homo sapiens!

I once saw a T-shirt on a college student advertising her school's drama program. It said, "We're thespians. Wanna watch?"

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: violinp on October 23, 2011, 09:01:26 PM
Don't forget that the candidate is also a proud homo sapiens!

I once saw a T-shirt on a college student advertising her school's drama program. It said, "We're thespians. Wanna watch?"

 ;D That's brilliant.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 24, 2011, 08:43:03 AM
There is a trivia program called 'Reach for the Top' that features teams of high school students.  Way back when, I was watching from the audience - our team was up next in the taping - and the question was, 'Where would you find a thespian?'

One guy rang in and answered, 'Yonge Street,' which is an area in Toronto known for its night life.  The entire audience cracked right up, as did the host.  They had to halt taping until we all got it under control.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on October 24, 2011, 02:09:21 PM
Don't forget that the candidate is also a proud homo sapiens!

I once saw a T-shirt on a college student advertising her school's drama program. It said, "We're thespians. Wanna watch?"

 ;D That's brilliant.

I've also seen "Us thespians do it on stage!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: lilfox on October 28, 2011, 04:41:27 PM
The hazards of working with electrical supplies:

My colleague bought a cable with the wrong kind of connector, so she was advising me what we needed to fix the situation.  She held up the ends of the two cables that needed to be connected, and said "So these are both female..." to which I stated the obvious, "Oh right, female to female, that doesn't work."

Colleague has a serious girlfriend.  D'oh!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Dazi on October 29, 2011, 08:40:26 PM
I was talking to a guy I know.  He was all excited about his birthday present he was picking up after work... as it was a powertool.  I innocently asked what he getting. 

A polisher.

I.so.lost.it.  Tears rolling down my face hysterical laughing.

He told me to get my head out of the gutter.  :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on October 29, 2011, 10:40:56 PM
I was talking to a guy I know.  He was all excited about his birthday present he was picking up after work... as it was a powertool.  I innocently asked what he getting. 

A polisher.

I.so.lost.it.  Tears rolling down my face hysterical laughing.

He told me to get my head out of the gutter.  :P

::Tries to restrain herself::
::Alas, fails::

Does he have some dull-looking doorknobs?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on October 29, 2011, 10:45:38 PM
Me to coworker on Friday

"I stuffed your bins for you."

Yeah. So not what it sounds like...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on November 03, 2011, 04:25:15 PM
"Let me finish getting undressed, little girl."

Little girl = Banshee, 100 lb American Akita.

Dark Boyfriend was trying to take off his uniform so that she didn't get fur on it; she kept walking up to him and putting her head on his leg to be properly scratched.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Harriet Jones on November 03, 2011, 10:19:32 PM
I was half-watching a show on knitting/crocheting and the episode's subject was granny squares.  The host of the show sounded like she said "It's time to get your granny on!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: exitzero on November 06, 2011, 07:03:53 AM
For some reason, the automatic grocer store check out machine telling me to "Put your sweet onions on the belt" had me in fits of giggles last night.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on November 06, 2011, 12:22:40 PM
Watching football* with my fiance equates to lots of me giggling over people penetrating tight ends (or similar).

*I don't really watch or understand the game.  I'm reading eHell while he watches.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on November 06, 2011, 01:28:47 PM
Watching football* with my fiance equates to lots of me giggling over people penetrating tight ends (or similar).

*I don't really watch or understand the game.  I'm reading eHell while he watches.

Oh come on, you are totally "scrabblizing" a game where people who wear tight, stretchy pants and grope each other's buttocks act in ways that are in no way "scrabbly".
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: JenJay on November 06, 2011, 01:39:01 PM
I was in a small office with 3 other women (coworkers, no customers). One was on the phone, one at the computer and one had just picked up a stapler. Stapler lady tried to use it and it didn't work, so she was about to open it up and make sure it had staples. Right as she picked it up the lady at the computer said "Be careful with that thing. If you pull on it too hard it will fly up and hit you in the face." I'm proud to say I did not miss a beat with the "That's what he said."  ;D

Whenever a driver was waiting at the loading doors and the receiving clerk wasn't around to check him in the page would always go throughout the store "Joe, they need you for back door receiving!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Nora on November 06, 2011, 02:40:24 PM
"Be still! I'm trying to do you real good all over!"

Me to BF's Norwegian Forest Cat, Whiney, after trying to comb the crazy banshee every day for a week. Needless to say I lost that fight. Whiney still looks awful bushy, and I have a nice big scratch on my hand to remind me not to hold back a retreating cat.  ::)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Slartibartfast on November 06, 2011, 03:06:15 PM
This banner ad. (http://www.thestranger.com/extras/images/rollover.png)

Also, a good friend's birthday was Friday.  His birthday present: a vasectomy.  So his wife does what any good semi-professional baker would do, and made a disturbingly realistic cake of a you-know-what with band-aids on it for our weekly get-together last night.  That pretty much set the tone for the comments of the evening - starting with "Mmm, I've always wanted your [you-know-what] in my mouth!" and going downhill from there.  He has a great sense of humor and loved every minute of it, though!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on November 06, 2011, 04:49:32 PM
This banner ad. (http://www.thestranger.com/extras/images/rollover.png)

Also, a good friend's birthday was Friday.  His birthday present: a vasectomy.  So his wife does what any good semi-professional baker would do, and made a disturbingly realistic cake of a you-know-what with band-aids on it for our weekly get-together last night.  That pretty much set the tone for the comments of the evening - starting with "Mmm, I've always wanted your [you-know-what] in my mouth!" and going downhill from there.  He has a great sense of humor and loved every minute of it, though!

I like your friends!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: wendelenn on November 06, 2011, 04:58:37 PM
On another ehell thread, mentioning sunspots/solar flares:

"Yup, coronal mass ejection tonight."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on November 06, 2011, 05:30:03 PM
Watching football* with my fiance equates to lots of me giggling over people penetrating tight ends (or similar).

*I don't really watch or understand the game.  I'm reading eHell while he watches.

Oh come on, you are totally "scrabblizing" a game where people who wear tight, stretchy pants and grope each other's buttocks act in ways that are in no way "scrabbly".

That's about what he said, but I think he was actually serious.  :P  I lost it at "prepping the tight end" and got banned from the living room for the rest of the game.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: JenJay on November 06, 2011, 05:32:07 PM
This banner ad. (http://www.thestranger.com/extras/images/rollover.png)

"Roll over to see what you can do" LMAO!!!! That's awesome! I'm assuming it's supposed to turn into a clicky?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Slartibartfast on November 06, 2011, 07:14:11 PM
This banner ad. (http://www.thestranger.com/extras/images/rollover.png)

"Roll over to see what you can do" LMAO!!!! That's awesome! I'm assuming it's supposed to turn into a clicky?

I assume the original was - I just saw the image file that I linked.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: baglady on November 06, 2011, 08:36:43 PM
Our morris dance group has (a) several new female dancers and (b) a winter dance season coming up for which our kit is black trousers. I brought several pairs that no longer fit me to practice, hoping that they might fit the newbies. Many "getting in my pants" jokes ensued.

Bagman works for a mail-order company where they frequently use these air-filled plastic pouches -- called "bladders" -- as packing material. At least one co-worker frequently calls on him to help with a "bladder problem."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: lady_disdain on November 15, 2011, 04:53:46 PM
I recently did several rush translation jobs, where the client literally needs the text for the next day. And many of those only sent their texts to me in the afternoon, so I had to pull a few all nighters to deliver the results. I was talking to a friend about this in a restaurant. She was wondering how I managed it (I work am self employed and a night owl, so it is simple). Of course, one of those weird silences happen just as I utter the words:

"Well, how often do you get paid $XXX for a night's work?"

The other patrons must either think I am a hooker or a crook.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Irk Splee on November 16, 2011, 02:32:51 PM
Back when I was in 9th/10th grade, I was a member of a club at the neighborhood library that met twice a month. The high school I attended at the time required a (quite frankly hideous) uniform, and on days when I had a club meeting, I didn't have enough time after school to get off at my bus stop, go home, get changed into street clothes, and then go to the library, so I'd just go to the meetings in my uniform. In 10th grade, after I'd been a member of the club for over year, I had my first day when a "casual dress" day at school overlapped with a club day, since that day was our in-school performance of the Christmas concert. So when I went to my club meeting, I was wearing a normal outfit - nothing special, just a sweater and some nice jeans, but it was something I would usually wear for a walk, unlike the uniform. I walked into the club room, and when one of the boys looked at me, the first words out of his mouth -

"Wow, Irk! I've never seen you wearing clothes before!"

It took a bit to make the room of 15-year-olds stop laughing.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: BabylonSister on December 09, 2011, 11:04:29 AM
Public transportation for the Parisian area is under the general umbrella of the  Syndicat des Transports d'Ile-de-France:


STIF


It even says so on the ticket:




(http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u305/EmmanuelleM/Tickettplus.jpg)

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: NutMeg on December 09, 2011, 09:32:55 PM
Watching football* with my fiance equates to lots of me giggling over people penetrating tight ends (or similar).

*I don't really watch or understand the game.  I'm reading eHell while he watches.

Oh come on, you are totally "scrabblizing" a game where people who wear tight, stretchy pants and grope each other's buttocks act in ways that are in no way "scrabbly".

That's about what he said, but I think he was actually serious.  :P  I lost it at "prepping the tight end" and got banned from the living room for the rest of the game.

I can't think of any situation in which the phrase "penetrating tight ends" make sense, but "tight end penetration" or "penetrating deep" are pretty common. I don't even notice any more. Which I didn't think was possible, because let's face it, that is really not something you expect to hear on TV in a serious tone of voice.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on December 10, 2011, 04:20:30 AM
Watching football* with my fiance equates to lots of me giggling over people penetrating tight ends (or similar).

*I don't really watch or understand the game.  I'm reading eHell while he watches.

Oh come on, you are totally "scrabblizing" a game where people who wear tight, stretchy pants and grope each other's buttocks act in ways that are in no way "scrabbly".

That's about what he said, but I think he was actually serious.  :P  I lost it at "prepping the tight end" and got banned from the living room for the rest of the game.

I can't think of any situation in which the phrase "penetrating tight ends" make sense, but "tight end penetration" or "penetrating deep" are pretty common. I don't even notice any more. Which I didn't think was possible, because let's face it, that is really not something you expect to hear on TV in a serious tone of voice.

I think she meant "penetrating tight ends" as in tight ends that are doing the action of penetrating, not doing the action of penetrating to the tight ends. (That was hard to type with a straight face even though I tried to make it as technical sounding as I could).
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on December 10, 2011, 11:38:33 AM
Watching football* with my fiance equates to lots of me giggling over people penetrating tight ends (or similar).

*I don't really watch or understand the game.  I'm reading eHell while he watches.

Oh come on, you are totally "scrabblizing" a game where people who wear tight, stretchy pants and grope each other's buttocks act in ways that are in no way "scrabbly".

That's about what he said, but I think he was actually serious.  :P  I lost it at "prepping the tight end" and got banned from the living room for the rest of the game.

I can't think of any situation in which the phrase "penetrating tight ends" make sense, but "tight end penetration" or "penetrating deep" are pretty common. I don't even notice any more. Which I didn't think was possible, because let's face it, that is really not something you expect to hear on TV in a serious tone of voice.

I think she meant "penetrating tight ends" as in tight ends that are doing the action of penetrating, not doing the action of penetrating to the tight ends. (That was hard to type with a straight face even though I tried to make it as technical sounding as I could).

LOL it could be any of those things...something about tight ends who are either penetrating or being penetrated.  I could have sworn there was some prepping happening but that may not have been the tight ends.  I imagine it'll eventually be background noise, but some dirty sounding phrase crops up every so often during a game and I start cracking up and get couch cushions thrown at my head.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on December 12, 2011, 07:06:45 PM
Okay. I just had to post this.

I found this short story online. http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/DeatScra.shtml

It's called "Death by Scrabble".  ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Nikko-chan on January 02, 2012, 10:15:58 PM
Well my friend got a new video game where one is an assassin and can kill people different ways. He said the following thing in regards to being able to murder people and dress in their uniforms to get closer to a target:

"I spent an entire level killing everyone and stripping them naked."

Yeah, I immediately told him I had to come here and post this in this thread. :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: purplemuse on January 05, 2012, 01:44:33 PM
"Let me finish getting undressed, little girl."

Little girl = Banshee, 100 lb American Akita.

Dark Boyfriend was trying to take off his uniform so that she didn't get fur on it; she kept walking up to him and putting her head on his leg to be properly scratched.

BIL has a brother with a dog that is female named "Little Guy." Someone asked him why a girl dog has that name, and he responded that he didn't think it would be appropriate to be running around the park calling "Come here Little Girl!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 05, 2012, 01:47:57 PM
"Let me finish getting undressed, little girl."

Little girl = Banshee, 100 lb American Akita.

Dark Boyfriend was trying to take off his uniform so that she didn't get fur on it; she kept walking up to him and putting her head on his leg to be properly scratched.

BIL has a brother with a dog that is female named "Little Guy." Someone asked him why a girl dog has that name, and he responded that he didn't think it would be appropriate to be running around the park calling "Come here Little Girl!"

 ;D  I'll be telling Dark Boyfriend this when he wakes up; I hope he gets a good laugh out of it like I did.

Also, my dad, in his early 20s, purposefully named his dog Stains...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: blueberrypancakes on January 16, 2012, 09:03:16 PM
I have a tendency to nibble my food, and my boyfriend is known far and wide for being a Hoover.  He was in the mood for steak the other night, and ordered a 30 oz sirloin while I had a 8 oz filet.  He said, "I bet you'll have only eaten half your steak by the time I'm done with mine," and I replied "oh, I know, I'm getting used to you finishing before me."  Oh dear, the look on his face was PRICELESS.   :D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: amylouky on January 16, 2012, 09:10:14 PM
Naive 16 year old me, to 20 something male coworker: Oh, come on.. pulling it off is boring.. it's more fun to blow it off!

I was talking about the paper straw wrapper. It took me a while to realize why he burst out laughing.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: NyaChan on January 16, 2012, 09:53:43 PM
The BJ rule from Business Enterprises class in law school caused me much embarrassment -  I was studying in a coffee shop with a friend in very close quarters to a man working on his computer at the table next to us.  The man asked me for help with his computer and I fixed a Word setting for him and noticed that he had a New Testament quote up.  He thanked me and went back to work.  So my friend and I were joking around a little about the BJ rule (which is in reality pretty boring in comparison to the name) to ease the pain of finals as we studied.  Apparently we were a bit too loud with the BJ Rule jokes because when the man got up to go, he turned to us and explained that he was a minister for a nearby local church.  He handed us his card, said that we could really benefit from the services & hoped to see us there.   :-[
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Nikko-chan on January 19, 2012, 09:18:32 PM
A few gems from last night (note: these don't sound dirty... but out of context they just sound plain wrong):

"You are addicted to speed, and so am I!"

"Speed is addicting!"

The speed my friend was referring too? A card game.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on January 20, 2012, 04:22:50 PM
I don't remember if I told about this one here, but if I did y'all can laugh again.

On two different occasions I ended up driving behind a bus with this sign on the back:

F (name of town that begins with F)
Area
Rapid
Transit

The bolded letter were also bolded on the sign.  I nearly ran in the ditch, I was laughing so hard.

(I only saw these signs for a short period of time.  The name of the bus company was subsequently changed to FBC.  Apparently someone finally figured out why people kept laughing and pointing at their buses.

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: baglady on January 24, 2012, 08:37:14 PM
I don't remember if I told about this one here, but if I did y'all can laugh again.

On two different occasions I ended up driving behind a bus with this sign on the back:

F (name of town that begins with F)
Area
Rapid
Transit

The bolded letter were also bolded on the sign.  I nearly ran in the ditch, I was laughing so hard.

(I only saw these signs for a short period of time.  The name of the bus company was subsequently changed to FBC.  Apparently someone finally figured out why people kept laughing and pointing at their buses.

In Dan Rather's memoir, he says the college he went to -- Sam Houston State Teachers College -- was originally called Sam Houston Institute for Teachers until students started wearing the initials. I think he might have been pulling our leg, though. According to Wikipedia, the school never had a name whose initials spelled ... well, you know.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Harriet Jones on January 25, 2012, 12:46:30 PM
The sign in front of Burger King "Taste our new bacon".  That's what *she* said.  ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 26, 2012, 01:03:55 PM
"Oh, you're such a dirty girl...you're so dirty....oh, you like that, don't you?  Yes, you do."

Oh, come on, perverts, I was giving my dog a bath!  She likes her chest rubbed!  Get your brains out of the gutter!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Nikko-chan on January 26, 2012, 11:09:34 PM
*snicker* Okay, Dark Magdalena, if my laughing wakes up my mom are you going to explain to her why I was laughing?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 27, 2012, 08:53:54 AM
*snicker* Okay, Dark Magdalena, if my laughing wakes up my mom are you going to explain to her why I was laughing?

I'll try to explain to her why you think dog baths are funny, but I'm not quite sure she'll understand... ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Elfmama on January 27, 2012, 01:16:56 PM
There is an online (?) university that advertises on cable TV.  Universal Technical Institute.  And yes, more that once in the commercial they talk about UTI.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 27, 2012, 01:27:52 PM
There is an online (?) university that advertises on cable TV.  Universal Technical Institute.  And yes, more that once in the commercial they talk about UTI.

I always point out that!  "Go to school to get an infection!"  I thought I was the only one that noticed...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Elfmama on January 27, 2012, 03:48:29 PM
There is an online (?) university that advertises on cable TV.  Universal Technical Institute.  And yes, more that once in the commercial they talk about UTI.

I always point out that!  "Go to school to get an infection!"  I thought I was the only one that noticed...
All I can think is that they have no women on staff or associated with them in any way, or the ones they have are very lucky and have never had a urinary tract infection.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on January 27, 2012, 04:08:33 PM
Conversation with DH as we drove home last night.

Him "So I spent the day teaching a contractor about head."
Me  :o
Him "It's all about how many inches you have."
 :P

Apparently, they were working on a water plant and were talking about how many inches of water to create a particular water pressure (or head...)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: violinp on January 27, 2012, 05:11:13 PM
Conversation with DH as we drove home last night.

Him "So I spent the day teaching a contractor about head."
Me  :o
Him "It's all about how many inches you have."
 :P

Apparently, they were working on a water plant and were talking about how many inches of water to create a particular water pressure (or head...)

ROFL.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Nikko-chan on January 28, 2012, 09:01:12 PM
There is an online (?) university that advertises on cable TV.  Universal Technical Institute.  And yes, more that once in the commercial they talk about UTI.

I always point out that!  "Go to school to get an infection!"  I thought I was the only one that noticed...
All I can think is that they have no women on staff or associated with them in any way, or the ones they have are very lucky and have never had a urinary tract infection.

Okay now everytime I see that commercial I will think of this and burst out laughing. And get looked at like I am mad...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Slartibartfast on January 29, 2012, 04:45:56 PM
Stopped off at Sonic (a drive-in restaurant featuring burgers, hot dogs, shakes, etc.) with some friends last night.  I couldn't really see the menu board from where I was sitting in the car, so I figured I'd just order a hot dog and assume there was one on the menu.

Guy on the intercom: Do you want the six-inch or the footlong?
Me: Oh, twelve inches is too much.  Six inches is plenty!
Me, suddenly realizing what I had said:  :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[
Everyone else in the car: Did you just tell him . . .  ;D ;D ;D
Guy on the intercom, after a suspiciously long silence, and now with a female voice laughing in the background: So that's the six-inch hot dog, right?

Yeah, I got grief about that all night  :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 29, 2012, 09:22:14 PM
Stopped off at Sonic (a drive-in restaurant featuring burgers, hot dogs, shakes, etc.) with some friends last night.  I couldn't really see the menu board from where I was sitting in the car, so I figured I'd just order a hot dog and assume there was one on the menu.

Guy on the intercom: Do you want the six-inch or the footlong?
Me: Oh, twelve inches is too much.  Six inches is plenty!
Me, suddenly realizing what I had said:  :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[
Everyone else in the car: Did you just tell him . . .  ;D ;D ;D
Guy on the intercom, after a suspiciously long silence, and now with a female voice laughing in the background: So that's the six-inch hot dog, right?

Yeah, I got grief about that all night  :P
;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Nikko-chan on January 29, 2012, 10:57:41 PM
I always got a bag of taters.


I don't know why that sounds so dirty to me but it does!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on January 30, 2012, 11:08:37 PM
This one really fits!

http://theworststuffever.com/post/16647427531/the-best-workout-device-ever

LOL!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 30, 2012, 11:34:35 PM
This one really fits!

http://theworststuffever.com/post/16647427531/the-best-workout-device-ever

LOL!

I think this was done as a spoof of Shake Weight.

ETA:  That doesn't make it any less funny, though!  Dark Boyfriend and I laughed off our butts when we saw it.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: girlysprite on January 31, 2012, 05:01:01 AM
There is a brand of car shampoo and/or carwax called super-glans here. But in my language, it just means 'super-shine'.

There is also a brand of tissues sold here with the brand name 'solo talent'. I'm not sure if that name is an accident though.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Petticoats on January 31, 2012, 03:20:00 PM
The other day a friend and I were talking about local slang or regional patterns of speech. I said something like, "It'll take me some time to wrap my tongue around the local patois."

There was a silence on the other end of the phone, during which I heard my sentence as it might have sounded to him. Then, at the same time, I said, "That kind of sounded--" and he said, "Wow, that really sounds--"

Yeah, I'm going to be careful using that phrasing from now on...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Carotte on February 03, 2012, 05:53:46 PM
The photography term bokeh, this is just when you play with focus and light, it gives really cool pictures, but somehow bokeh sounds dirty to me, like a scrabble related term
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on February 03, 2012, 08:35:11 PM
Me to DS " You need to keep your balls lower."

We were talking about a recent game of dodgeball where he accidently hit another player in the head with his throw.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: hermanne on February 06, 2012, 10:54:01 AM
While driving around yesterday, DH and I were talking about where to go for lunch. Since the kids were in the truck with us, we adults were using "code" to discuss some fast-food places: "the royal place" for Burger King and "Peter Pan's girlfriend" for Wendy's.

DH said he'd "like to do Peter Pan's girlfriend." Yeah, my mind went there. >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on February 06, 2012, 12:43:59 PM
While driving around yesterday, DH and I were talking about where to go for lunch. Since the kids were in the truck with us, we adults were using "code" to discuss some fast-food places: "the royal place" for Burger King and "Peter Pan's girlfriend" for Wendy's.

DH said he'd "like to do Peter Pan's girlfriend." Yeah, my mind went there. >:D

What a clever code!  Yeah, my mind went there, too  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on April 23, 2012, 08:52:10 PM
"I'll just go over and lick on sister while she's sleeping."

Dark Boyfriend describing aloud the thoughts of Colossus, our one Akita, while he walked over and did just that to his sister, Banshee.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: vorbau on April 26, 2012, 10:56:17 AM
Gardening yesterday, I pulled up some plants that have seeded my cottage garden and keep coming back, no matter how many I dig out. I don't like them, but my neighbor loves them, so I give them to her. She's packing to leave for a trip, so I figured I'd go ahead and plant them for her if she'd show me where.

"Hey, M? I have some more of those Susan thingies for you - they just keep coming and coming. Show me where you want it and I'll stick 'em in..."

We stood there laughing ourselves silly while her husband and the neighbor's cat looked mystified.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lillie82 on April 30, 2012, 06:27:18 PM
"You need to be on your balls."

As this was said by someone for whom English is not the native language, (probably meaning either "you need to be on the ball," or "you need to be on your toes") it was kind of like a 'Balki-ism'(malaprop or mis-use of an idiom) from Perfect Strangers. (But Some of those can sound plenty dirty.  ;D)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: LadyClaire on May 04, 2012, 10:48:06 AM
This is something that has to be described, really, since it wasn't words but actions.

The Dean of the university I work for is from a different country. English is not his first language, and sometimes he struggles to translate sayings from his country of origin to things we'd understand.

One day in a meeting, he was having such a moment. I was taking the minutes for the meeting. He said "We don't want to..you know..it's like that saying..when you.." and starts jerking his fist up and down in a motion that looked very much like..well...you know. Then he starts shoving his right index finger into his left fist and saying "it's like when you're trying to..oh...how do you say...uh...uh.."

All of us are sitting there wide-eyed, trying not to laugh, and I'm sitting with my pen poised over my notebook, thinking "I don't think this needs to go into the minutes.." when he said "AHA! We don't want to overstuff the goose!"

apparently the jerking/finger shoving motions were meant to mimic trying to force a goose to swallow something.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on May 07, 2012, 11:31:18 PM
LadyClaire, I am just DYING here laughing at your story, CRUD MONKEYS!, that's too funny, thanks for sharing!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on May 08, 2012, 03:27:35 AM
Bahahaha!  This will now probably become an "inside joke" in my household.  He's just "stuffing the goose", no worries!

ETA: Because "not" and "now" are different words.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on May 08, 2012, 09:28:19 AM
I read this on another board, and thought of you all, so had to share!

This happened almost 20 years ago, but I remember it as if it were yesterday! We were seated in the balcony for the Hoop-Dee-Do-Revue so we had to swivel around in our seats to watch the show.  That meant our backs were to the table so we didn't notice the servers sneaking in with the first course.  At a certain point in the song, all the servers slammed their metal buckets full of fried chicken down onto the metal dinner plates.  It was like a canon going off and everyone jumped and laughed.

So, the song ended and we all served ourselves from the bucket of chicken.  Our server (who missed his calling as a stand up comedian) came back with the next course, also in a metal bucket.  He lifted it up as if to slam it down on the plates and then did a double take when he saw the food already there.  He looked at the chicken breast on my friend's plate, then looked at her, then back at the plate.  Then with a perfectly straight face he said, "Pardon me, ma'am but could you lift up your breast?"  Well, we just lost it!  We probably missed half the show because we just could not stop laughing. :rotfl2: And everytime the server came back, he'd give us a smirky little smile or crack a joke and we'd be off again.  It reached the point where we wouldn't even look the server in the eye because just the sight of him sent us into hysterics.

The Hoop-Dee-Do-Revue was okay but it was really the server who made our night. Needless to say, he got a big tip!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: LadyClaire on May 08, 2012, 10:09:23 AM
Bahahaha!  This will not probably become an "inside joke" in my household.  He's just "stuffing the goose", no worries!

It's become an inside joke at work, too..."He seems tense..maybe he needs to go stuff the goose.."

Another bad moment was when all of us administrative assistants (all female) were in the small conference room next to the Dean's office, talking about an event that was coming up. We wanted to elect a specific person to do a task for the event, but needed the Dean's approval.

So he happens to wander by when his executive assistant said "Oh, we need to ask you for something..." to which he replied "Ah! Are you going to get down on your knees in front of me?" (meaning, of course, "get down on your knees and beg" as a joke..but it came out so totally wrong!).

Cue all of us going white faced, then red faced, and then one of the assistants blurting out "WHAT?" when he realized what it had sounded like. He turned 10 shades of red, poor guy..
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on May 08, 2012, 11:23:59 PM
Bahahaha!  This will not probably become an "inside joke" in my household.  He's just "stuffing the goose", no worries!

It's become an inside joke at work, too..."He seems tense..maybe he needs to go stuff the goose.."

Another bad moment was when all of us administrative assistants (all female) were in the small conference room next to the Dean's office, talking about an event that was coming up. We wanted to elect a specific person to do a task for the event, but needed the Dean's approval.

So he happens to wander by when his executive assistant said "Oh, we need to ask you for something..." to which he replied "Ah! Are you going to get down on your knees in front of me?" (meaning, of course, "get down on your knees and beg" as a joke..but it came out so totally wrong!).

Cue all of us going white faced, then red faced, and then one of the assistants blurting out "WHAT?" when he realized what it had sounded like. He turned 10 shades of red, poor guy..

I feel bad for him, but he is comedy gold!  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on May 09, 2012, 10:54:57 PM
17 year old DragonDaughter is away at a school trip, competing in a provincial competition.

I have some holidays to use up so I came to cheer her on.
I'm not part of the school group, I'm just at the same hotel and I'll take in events on my own time.

Most of the costs were covered by fees, but DD still has to pay for a couple of meals.
In the rush to get organized I didn't get her the money before we left.

So after I checked in, I texted her my room number to pick up the money.

I also told her "For the record, this probably the only time your mother will tell you 'Need some money? Just stop by a hotel room'..." ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on May 10, 2012, 12:06:03 AM
17 year old DragonDaughter is away at a school trip, competing in a provincial competition.

I have some holidays to use up so I came to cheer her on.
I'm not part of the school group, I'm just at the same hotel and I'll take in events on my own time.

Most of the costs were covered by fees, but DD still has to pay for a couple of meals.
In the rush to get organized I didn't get her the money before we left.

So after I checked in, I texted her my room number to pick up the money.

I also told her "For the record, this probably the only time your mother will tell you 'Need some money? Just stop by a hotel room'..." ;D

 ;D I like your sense of humor!

That reminds me of when my mom shouted from the side of the indoor soccer field (so a small area that had an echoing potential), "I told you to always keep your legs closed!"  I was a goalie and had just stopped a ball that required my legs to be closed to effectively keep it from going past me.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Twik on May 13, 2012, 10:50:11 PM
Had a bit of a giggle at a banner ad tonight.

``Hi! My name is New Brunswick!

Come and explore my Bay of Fundy!``
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: violinp on May 14, 2012, 12:16:03 AM
Well, my grandma was on the phone with a relative, and she was asking about his kid's athletic events.

Even so, I had a hard time not giggling when Gran asked, "How is she liking her balls?"  >:D  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Virg on May 15, 2012, 11:59:05 AM
The self-checkouts at a nearby store have scales to weigh produce and dry goods.  You select what you're buying, and it tells you when to weigh it.  If you're astute, you can see where this is going, but for those who have no experience buying bulk dry goods, I was getting a large bag of walnuts in the shell.  When the machine displayed, "Please put nuts on the scale" I couldn't avoid snickering.

My sports example is, "I can't believe he changed the whole play just by calling out while he was under the center."

Virg
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Nikko-chan on May 16, 2012, 01:29:52 AM
In a livestream someone mentioned scrabble the game and i immediately thought of ehell.... does this make me a horrible person?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on May 16, 2012, 01:35:19 PM
In a livestream someone mentioned scrabble the game and i immediately thought of ehell.... does this make me a horrible person?

No, it just means that you have been assimilated.
Welcome to the collective.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: VorFemme on May 16, 2012, 04:31:44 PM
In a livestream someone mentioned scrabble the game and i immediately thought of ehell.... does this make me a horrible person?

No, it just means that you have been assimilated.
Welcome to the collective.

Resistance is futile.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: greencat on May 16, 2012, 04:41:10 PM
I have to admit I about went into a laughing fit when a guy I was already exchanging Scrabble tiles with ACTUALLY asked me to play Scrabble-the-board-game with him...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on May 16, 2012, 07:13:52 PM
In a livestream someone mentioned scrabble the game and i immediately thought of ehell.... does this make me a horrible person?

No, it just means that you have been assimilated.
Welcome to the collective.

Resistance is futile.

Unless you're a Caeliar.  For simplicity's sake, you may use that to refer to them in the singular, plural, or as an adjective.

::Watches as no one gets that::
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on May 20, 2012, 04:24:08 PM
I have to admit I about went into a laughing fit when a guy I was already exchanging Scrabble tiles with ACTUALLY asked me to play Scrabble-the-board-game with him...

I would have; I don't think I would have been able to not laugh.  I think I may have to ask Dark Boyfriend if he wants to play scrabble-the-board-game with me now.



Traska...oh, I get it  8)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: VorFemme on May 23, 2012, 04:31:08 PM
One of the bridesmaids showed up at the site for DD's wedding to help inflate balloons - wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm here about the blow job!"

Maternal grandfather and officiant (aka the preacher) was NOT happy with her choice of clothing....my dad can be a little bit....prudish at times.  She did change clothes shortly there after - thankfully.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Thipu1 on May 24, 2012, 09:32:44 AM
Back in College there was a Professor who was notorious for pop quizes that the liked to call 'Quizzicals'. We were leaving class after a particular brutal one and a classmate announced, 'If that's what he calls a quizzacle I don't want to see what he calls a ... '

well, you can figure that one out. 



Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: greencat on May 24, 2012, 10:54:15 PM
My high school upper level math/science teacher told more or less the same story - I wonder if he had the same professor?

He spent a class period appending "ness" to the end of as many words as possible.

Alas, he arrived at the sentence "This material is vital to your ready-ness* for "AP-ness..."  He kept TRYING to teach the class after that, but as he was lecturing on the static-electric properties of rubbing an infinitely long rod with pith balls...we couldn't hear him over the laughter.

*Because readiness is a word, but the emphasis on the suffix is important.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on May 25, 2012, 06:19:10 AM
I was just playing Jeopardy on Facebook just now, and  one of the questions was about lakes, so of course I thought of you all, and this thread when I saw that one of the choices was Lake Titicaca, (and I was snickering like a schoolboy as well, lol)

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on May 25, 2012, 07:34:09 AM
I was just playing Jeopardy on Facebook just now, and  one of the questions was about lakes, so of course I thought of you all, and this thread when I saw that one of the choices was Lake Titicaca, (and I was snickering like a schoolboy as well, lol)

~Lake Titicaca, oh Lake Titicaca
Why do we sing of your fame?
Lake Titicaca, oh Lake Titicaca
We just like saying your name!~
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Luci on May 25, 2012, 09:45:18 AM
I was just playing Jeopardy on Facebook just now, and  one of the questions was about lakes, so of course I thought of you all, and this thread when I saw that one of the choices was Lake Titicaca, (and I was snickering like a schoolboy as well, lol)

~Lake Titicaca, oh Lake Titicaca
Why do we sing of your fame?
Lake Titicaca, oh Lake Titicaca
We just like saying your name!~

To La Cucaracha? It almost works.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on May 25, 2012, 12:52:11 PM
I was just playing Jeopardy on Facebook just now, and  one of the questions was about lakes, so of course I thought of you all, and this thread when I saw that one of the choices was Lake Titicaca, (and I was snickering like a schoolboy as well, lol)

~Lake Titicaca, oh Lake Titicaca
Why do we sing of your fame?
Lake Titicaca, oh Lake Titicaca
We just like saying your name!~

To La Cucaracha? It almost works.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJxdL0pH9pw
 ;)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on May 25, 2012, 11:15:02 PM
Mr. Dragon is scrolling through the channel guide, looking for something to watch.

I glanced up from reading EHell  ;D to see a channel offering 'French Open Tennis.
I know its perfectly innocent, but just sounded...wrong...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on May 26, 2012, 05:39:37 AM
I had to laugh watching Ellen once. Someone had sent in a photo of their tv, showing the description of a show on the NatGeo channel.   The name of the program was "The Hunt For Lincoln's Assassin" but they had cut off the "-assin" part, making it sound like a pron movie name.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: zyrs on June 01, 2012, 05:05:12 AM
For the record, these were technical terms one place I worked:

virgin         = brand-spanking-new-never-before-melted vinyl
s(c)rew     = the machine used to melt the vinyl
su(c)king   = vinyl that is not holding the shape of the form correctly, collapsing the part onto itself, usually because the extrusion s(c)rew is running too fast and the material is overheating
blo(w)ing  = the material running through the forms too thin and holes are forming, usually because not enough material is being loaded into the extrusion s(c)rew from the hopper

You can imagine the sentences relaying various problems caused. 




Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: parrot_girl on June 01, 2012, 06:07:01 AM
One from last weekend, me on the phone to my sister:
Me: "yep, we had a super time at the zoo! I paid an extra $10 and Princess Parrot and I had a Magic Moment with a wombat!"
sister: "...sounds nice... um, just what did that entail?"
Me: "hee hee hee."

For the record, it entailed a fifteen minute visit in the wombat enclosure, listening to the keeper talk about the care and feeding of wombats, while patting one that was bumbling around our feet trying to munch our shoelaces.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lillie82 on June 03, 2012, 01:01:45 PM
Next week I am going to see the musical theater show called, "The Best Little [House filled with women who get paid to play scrabble] in Texas."

And I realized that I have to be careful how I say that. How does that first sentence of my post sound if I take out "the musical theater show called"? Or worse, if I also take out the "see"? Or "in Texas"?

Or if I shorten the title down to "Best Little [House filled with women who get paid to play scrabble" and use that as shorthand, for example, in a daily planner?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on June 03, 2012, 01:11:17 PM
Next week I am going to see the musical theater show called, "The Best Little [House filled with women who get paid to play scrabble] in Texas."

And I realized that I have to be careful how I say that. How does that first sentence of my post sound if I take out "the musical theater show called"? Or worse, if I also take out the "see"? Or "in Texas"?

Or if I shorten the title down to "Best Little [House filled with women who get paid to play scrabble" and use that as shorthand, for example, in a daily planner?

Put it down as "Texas State Legislature"  :D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: ShanghaiJill on June 03, 2012, 03:42:21 PM
Next week I am going to see the musical theater show called, "The Best Little [House filled with women who get paid to play scrabble] in Texas."

And I realized that I have to be careful how I say that. How does that first sentence of my post sound if I take out "the musical theater show called"? Or worse, if I also take out the "see"? Or "in Texas"?

Or if I shorten the title down to "Best Little [House filled with women who get paid to play scrabble" and use that as shorthand, for example, in a daily planner?

Before people had home computers, I worked for a ticket agency answering the phone.   That musical was playing at a local venue.   People would go out of their way to say "That Texas show."

I never corrected them.

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lillie82 on June 16, 2012, 07:08:38 PM
Where does your mind go on reading this:

A month into their marriage, they had broken two bed frames?  >:D

Actually, my poor brother and SIL are having a terrible experience with a furniture seller in their new hometown. (A story that could probably work for our Bad Business section on Ehell.) All one of them had to do was sit on the bed, and the frame broke. They replaced it. And it happened again.  >:(
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: readingchick on June 17, 2012, 08:53:55 AM
Where does your mind go on reading this:

A month into their marriage, they had broken two bed frames?  >:D

Actually, my poor brother and SIL are having a terrible experience with a furniture seller in their new hometown. (A story that could probably work for our Bad Business section on Ehell.) All one of them had to do was sit on the bed, and the frame broke. They replaced it. And it happened again.  >:(

LOL definitely in the gutter :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: ladyknight1 on June 21, 2012, 10:10:42 AM
I have a friend who thinks "matriculate" sounds dirty.

I can't tell him when I graduate in 2015, because I am married.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on June 25, 2012, 05:07:15 PM
A coworker is moving and came up to me as she was leaving and asked me to check her boxes. I just looked at her and she told me not to say anything, she could see it on my face.

I said, "Wouldn't Tony be a better option for that?"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on July 03, 2012, 04:21:38 PM
Came across this on a list of molecules with strange names: 

Cummingtonight

This mineral was found in Cummington, Massachusetts, hence its name; also known (less scandalously) as magnesium iron silicate hydroxide.

Edited to add:  My mind must have been in the gutter when I originally typed this.  The actual name of this molecule is Cummingtonite.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: greencat on July 04, 2012, 09:42:33 AM
Came across this on a list of molecules with strange names: 

Cummingtonight

This mineral was found in Cummington, Massachusetts, hence its name; also known (less scandalously) as magnesium iron silicate hydroxide.

Edited to add:  My mind must have been in the gutter when I originally typed this.  The actual name of this molecule is Cummingtonite.

My brain tried to autocorrect your original error to the proper suffix for mineral compounds!  I think that belongs in the Nerdhood thread...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: lilfox on July 05, 2012, 02:12:15 PM
Came across this on a list of molecules with strange names: 

Cummingtonight

This mineral was found in Cummington, Massachusetts, hence its name; also known (less scandalously) as magnesium iron silicate hydroxide.

Edited to add:  My mind must have been in the gutter when I originally typed this.  The actual name of this molecule is Cummingtonite.

My brain tried to autocorrect your original error to the proper suffix for mineral compounds!  I think that belongs in the Nerdhood thread...

You and me both!   ;)

I were preparing corn for the grill - peeling down the husk, adding butter, then wrapping the corn back into the husk and tying the ends closed.  DH came over to help and said he'd take over tying them while I finished with the butter.  There may have been a joke about "corn bondage" but I admit that was intentionally naughty.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lillie82 on July 06, 2012, 07:35:15 PM
"He has never disappointed me, even when he's been exhausted."  >:D

Said by my friend about the political personality / candidate whose speaking event we were organizing, in response to my question about how many speeches he could give one after the other before burning out.

Or maybe I just heard it that way because I knew she (friend) has a huge 'thing' for him.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: greencat on July 07, 2012, 01:29:14 PM
My friend is a nurse, and yesterday he said to me "My patient needs new balls."

Apparently the patient uses a walker that needs new tennis balls on the feet...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on July 11, 2012, 08:31:42 PM
Saw this ad on Kijiji, and thought of this thread!


Chicage & Boobie brothers tickets

Sounds titillating doesn't it?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: wx4caster on July 12, 2012, 10:36:46 AM
Had a bit of a giggle at a banner ad tonight.

``Hi! My name is New Brunswick!

Come and explore my Bay of Fundy!``

lol!  I see the billboard version on my way into work and it includes the phrase  "Google me" at the bottom.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CrochetFanatic on July 12, 2012, 09:21:53 PM
Uvula and Ululate.

Also, does anyone remember the infomercial about a seat-belt product known as the "Tiddy Bear"?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: purplemuse on July 15, 2012, 04:34:14 PM
BG: I've been playing a video game where your character is a ghost who travels around various scenes by hopping from one inanimate object to the next. In one scene, there's a wide area with no available objects, so to cross it, you have to jump to a police officer's baton and have him walk you to the next object.

Getting frustrated with how long it was taking the officer in question to come back across the screen, I offered a little verbal encouragement:

"Come over here, Mr. Man; I need to ride on your nightstick!"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: violinp on July 15, 2012, 04:37:48 PM
I was talking about the functions of two male characters on a TV show, and I said, "They're both bananas!" (referencing the term second banana). Only after I said it did I realize how dirty (and funny) that was.  ;D  >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on July 17, 2012, 03:02:30 PM
http://theworststuffever.com/post/22590860025

Teehee!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on July 17, 2012, 03:12:43 PM
http://theworststuffever.com/post/22590860025

Teehee!

Haha!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on July 17, 2012, 03:45:40 PM
http://worklols.com/post/25435257971/smooth-shafts-and-clean-balls
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Jess13 on July 17, 2012, 08:17:07 PM
I just thought of two from a previous job, I used to work customer service for a manufacturing plant.

I was in a conversation with a customer, describing to me the parts of his valve. See, it was malfunctioning and he needed replacement innards. He kept describing to me the innards of our 5 inch valve but swearing they had a 6 inch valve installed, which had different internal parts.

"Are you sure you have a 6 inch one there, because it sure sounds like a 5 inch one to me!"

The entire office then burst out laughing.


Also the time I took a call for a replacement part on a large valve and when the customer told me what happened I blurted out:

"You sheared off your testc*ck? I don't want to know how you managed to do that, do I?"

(Mods, I hope the asterisk is ok, I know that word is usually filtered, but it's a legit part and part of the punchline...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on July 31, 2012, 01:59:59 PM
This morning I made the observation, "I notice a distinct lack of Wood this morning."  I was referring to the fact that the neuroradiologist, Dr. Wood, didn't appear to be present and dictating.  Once Mr. Sirius stopped laughing he assured me he knew what I was talking about.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on August 20, 2012, 01:59:42 PM
Somebody sent me this list of Olympic bloopers today. They all fall into this category!

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from  Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian wingadingdingies is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven wingadingdingies on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them...
   [redacted], what have I just said?"
 
 
 
 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: stkatie00 on August 20, 2012, 08:25:36 PM
During a discussion about being home with my 8 month old twins all day, and sometimes needing to leave after DH gets home, the following gem was said by my friend: "That makes total sense, since their double teaming you all day!"  >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CrochetFanatic on August 26, 2012, 10:28:03 PM
A "dickey".  Otherwise known as a false shirtfront.  It's also another name for a "rumble seat" (didn't know that until I looked up "dickey", lol), which is a word that usually prompts my brother to make a flatulence joke. 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Awestruck Shmuck on August 27, 2012, 01:32:53 AM
well, I asked my boss where he wanted his 'small tool' put!! (for the record, I have been told, and assured, and reassured that this is *actually* what it is called and I am now the sole female in a construction company, but to say that in a room full of men was a stupid, stupid move!!).

Not to worry, I topped that foible on the same day. I ordered  UV protective 'skins' (essentially long-sleeved,cool protective t-shirts for the summer months) for our foremen. I was already embarrassed, and a bit groggy (wisdom teeth pain, took some pain killers and they always hit me pretty hard)...Anyway, I mixed up the words..Foreman, skins, I'll leave you to imagine what I said to create possibly THE most embarrassing moment of my life.  :-[

Fortunatly the guys I work with are awesome. I chose to die laughing, instead of plain ol' die, and they had a huuuuge laugh, then forgot about it. But my boss is making me deliver the skins to site, just in case anyone forgets my gaff!!!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: LadyClaire on August 27, 2012, 10:51:01 AM
Today one of my co-workers was talking about one of those extreme course things where they crawl through mud and under barbed wire and so forth. I was only half listening, as she was mainly talking to a different co-worker about it, when my ear caught this part of their conversation: "I think it's about eight inches or so. But I don't understand how you're supposed to fit, unless you get lubed up really well..."

I whipped around and said "wait, WHAT??"

Turns out she was talking about the gap under some obstacle they're supposed to squeeze through.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on August 28, 2012, 07:27:19 AM
A review of "Labyrinth" made me look at one (well many) line of the movie in a whole new light.  Sarah says to Hoggle, "Just take me as far as you can, and I'll finish it by myself!" She means, of course, the labyrinth, but the reviewer jokes "That's what she said!"

And another one. Dh has a hiring fair coming up not this weekend, but next, and one of the companies he's scheduled to interview with? Siemens.  Yes, I am having a hard time trying not to giggle at that.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: greencat on August 29, 2012, 05:59:47 AM
One of my friends plays the trading card game Magic: The Gathering on a regular basis.  The company that makes the game keeps track of how well players do in events that it runs.  This tally is called "Planeswalker Points."  He posted something about the page that lists them...only he referred to it as the "PWP page."  Some of you already know why that sounds dirty but isn't, but in case you don't: my brain nearly sprung a leak, because I read a lot of fan fiction, and when you see PWP listed in the description of a fan fiction piece, it's err, erotic material without a plot.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: alegria on August 29, 2012, 10:07:49 AM
A review of "Labyrinth" made me look at one (well many) line of the movie in a whole new light.  Sarah says to Hoggle, "Just take me as far as you can, and I'll finish it by myself!" She means, of course, the labyrinth, but the reviewer jokes "That's what she said!"

I'd rather have Jareth to help finish...  >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Tsaiko on August 29, 2012, 05:59:49 PM
One of my friends plays the trading card game Magic: The Gathering on a regular basis.  The company that makes the game keeps track of how well players do in events that it runs.  This tally is called "Planeswalker Points."  He posted something about the page that lists them...only he referred to it as the "PWP page."  Some of you already know why that sounds dirty but isn't, but in case you don't: my brain nearly sprung a leak, because I read a lot of fan fiction, and when you see PWP listed in the description of a fan fiction piece, it's err, erotic material without a plot.

I had something similar happen in my terrestrial paleontology class, only we were referring to one of the Pliocene warm period (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pliocene_climate#Mid_Pliocene_and_future_climate). I thought I was going to have to excuse myself from the classroom when the professor announced that "The PWP is a good analogue for the future." How I managed to keep a straight face, I'll never know.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Slartibartfast on September 18, 2012, 09:40:18 PM
Friend: " . . . so you know my friend Janet, right?"

Me: "Uh, I don't think so?"

Friend: "I thought you met her at Dragon*Con last year."

Me: "Oh, yeah!  I slept with her!"


(My sister and I had our friend-of-a-friend roommates - whom we had never met - flake out on us when we got there, so we were left with nowhere to sleep in the middle of a very busy science fiction convention.  I was lamenting this to my friend, and his friend Janet happened to be there, and she let us stay with her overnight!  Her husband wasn't getting to the convention until the following day, so she had the room to herself.  Since there was only one bed, I did end up "sleeping with" her and my sister took the armchair.  My sister's boyfriend was kind enough to let us crash in his room for the rest of the convention, and I didn't see Janet again after that first night.  She was definitely really nice, though!  And - as a footnote - I already got my room for next year's convention so I won't have to rely on friends-of-friends-of-friends not being flaky!)

DH did find it funny when I called home and told him I had been at the convention less than 24 hours and had already slept with a strange woman  :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: baglady on September 25, 2012, 09:17:24 PM
In college, I shared my student post office box with a student from the class of '73. I was class of '80, so the '73s would have long since graduated, but this guy had taken some time off -- he had come back after academic suspension or an extended illness or something. At my school, your class year was determined by when you matriculated, not when you graduated, so you could be a '73 but graduate in '78 or whenever.

Sophomore year (1978) during a party weekend, this fellow a little too old to be in college passed through our (coed) fraternity house. Someone inquired about him, and someone else explained that he was a '72 who had been on academic suspension but had just been readmitted.

Me: "Oh, I share my box with someone like that!"

My older male brothers crack up laughing. This was how I learned the other meaning of "box."

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: oz diva on September 25, 2012, 09:40:17 PM
Not to worry, I topped that foible on the same day. I ordered  UV protective 'skins' (essentially long-sleeved,cool protective t-shirts for the summer months) for our foremen. I was already embarrassed, and a bit groggy (wisdom teeth pain, took some pain killers and they always hit me pretty hard)...Anyway, I mixed up the words..Foreman, skins, I'll leave you to imagine what I said to create possibly THE most embarrassing moment of my life.  :-[

Sounds like an old joke
How do you circumcise a whale?
Send down four skindivers.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MizA on September 26, 2012, 12:32:42 AM
We recently put up a 32-foor geodesic dome.  With four strong men and their impact drivers.  I giggled the whoooooole time.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: jayhawk on September 26, 2012, 12:53:03 PM
I started scrapbooking about 16 years ago with my BFF (yes, we're now 53, but still BFF's, even though that sounds so High School).  At any rate, we spend more time laughing than actually scrapbooking, especially every time she picks up her personal trimmer.  It's actually just a little paper cutter, but she always puts a different spin it, shall we say.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on September 26, 2012, 07:16:35 PM
Our dog gets bored and starts tossing her toys in the air, stepping in her tug toy to wrestle with it etc.

One night she was quite loud and I looked over at her and said grumpily' "Zoe, are you playing with yourself again? You need to be more quiet when you do that!"

I have since rephrased that... ::)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: violinp on September 26, 2012, 09:09:20 PM
We're rehearsing Messiah in church choir right now, and parts of the songs (like the really difficult runs) we sing each note on "Ta." So it goes Ta-ta-ta-ta...  >:D I think you get the picture.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: baglady on September 27, 2012, 01:17:06 AM
We're rehearsing Messiah in church choir right now, and parts of the songs (like the really difficult runs) we sing each note on "Ta." So it goes Ta-ta-ta-ta...  >:D I think you get the picture.

Aw, c'mon. Everybody knows the truly dirty part of the Messiah is "All We Like Sheep."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: violinp on September 27, 2012, 05:33:31 PM
We're rehearsing Messiah in church choir right now, and parts of the songs (like the really difficult runs) we sing each note on "Ta." So it goes Ta-ta-ta-ta...  >:D I think you get the picture.

Aw, c'mon. Everybody knows the truly dirty part of the Messiah is "All We Like Sheep."

We're only doing the Christmas part + Hallelujah chorus. Darn.  :P
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Gyburc on September 28, 2012, 06:15:00 AM
We're rehearsing Messiah in church choir right now, and parts of the songs (like the really difficult runs) we sing each note on "Ta." So it goes Ta-ta-ta-ta...  >:D I think you get the picture.

Aw, c'mon. Everybody knows the truly dirty part of the Messiah is "All We Like Sheep."

We're only doing the Christmas part + Hallelujah chorus. Darn.  :P

The choir my mother and I were in used to sing Messiah regularly. Mum used to wander round the house from time to time singing 'All We Like Sheep - Especially With Mint-Sauce'.

 :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on September 28, 2012, 08:06:03 AM
I was hanging out with DH and DSis one day, and wearing a dress that has decorative ties on the back that came undone, so when I had gotten out of our van somewhere and discovered this, I innocently asked DSis (who is lesbian), J, will you tie me up, then realized what I had said and changed my wording to J, will you please retie the back of my dress for me, since I can't see what I'm doing? LOL We both got a kick out of that let me tell you!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Kimblee on September 28, 2012, 10:10:38 AM
We're rehearsing Messiah in church choir right now, and parts of the songs (like the really difficult runs) we sing each note on "Ta." So it goes Ta-ta-ta-ta...  >:D I think you get the picture.

Aw, c'mon. Everybody knows the truly dirty part of the Messiah is "All We Like Sheep."

We're only doing the Christmas part + Hallelujah chorus. Darn.  :P

The choir my mother and I were in used to sing Messiah regularly. Mum used to wander round the house from time to time singing 'All We Like Sheep - Especially With Mint-Sauce'.

 :)

I used to think the song was called "We All Like Sheep" and wondered if it was an innocent ode to the joys of shepherding or.... something else.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Sirius on October 06, 2012, 06:47:06 PM
We're rehearsing Messiah in church choir right now, and parts of the songs (like the really difficult runs) we sing each note on "Ta." So it goes Ta-ta-ta-ta...  >:D I think you get the picture.

Aw, c'mon. Everybody knows the truly dirty part of the Messiah is "All We Like Sheep."

That's the sort of thing you come up with during a long, boring choir practice.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: violinp on October 16, 2012, 12:34:08 PM
Another choir post:

We were having trouble pronouncing end consonants, and our choir director said: "It's words of hope! Not words of ho!"

I still don't know how I kept a straight face the rest of rehearsal.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: lady_disdain on October 16, 2012, 01:43:54 PM
Another choir post:

We were having trouble pronouncing end consonants, and our choir director said: "It's words of hope! Not words of ho!"

I still don't know how I kept a straight face the rest of rehearsal.

The Gospel of Mary Magdalene?

*ducks and runs very, very far*
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: violinp on October 16, 2012, 02:17:17 PM
Another choir post:

We were having trouble pronouncing end consonants, and our choir director said: "It's words of hope! Not words of ho!"

I still don't know how I kept a straight face the rest of rehearsal.

The Gospel of Mary Magdalene?

*ducks and runs very, very far*

 ;D ;D  >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Luci on October 16, 2012, 11:10:15 PM
Another choir post:

We were having trouble pronouncing end consonants, and our choir director said: "It's words of hope! Not words of ho!"

I still don't know how I kept a straight face the rest of rehearsal.

The Gospel of Mary Magdalene?

*ducks and runs very, very far*

Probably a good plan! I won't tell...........................
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CakeBeret on October 16, 2012, 11:30:19 PM
A few weeks ago, DH and I were at dinner with a friend,  Kenny. I had a box of leftovers, which I accidentally left on the far side of the table. As we were leaving I noticed it and, as Kenny was in between me and the leftovers, I put my arm around him and said "Kenny, will you please grab my box?" There was a split second of silence before all three of us were howling with laughter.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: JonGirl on October 18, 2012, 03:41:48 AM
A few weeks ago, DH and I were at dinner with a friend,  Kenny. I had a box of leftovers, which I accidentally left on the far side of the table. As we were leaving I noticed it and, as Kenny was in between me and the leftovers, I put my arm around him and said "Kenny, will you please grab my box?" There was a split second of silence before all three of us were howling with laughter.


 ;D  ;D  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CrochetFanatic on October 18, 2012, 03:54:49 AM
Today (yesterday?  Stupid insomnia...) my brother was looking for the charger to his phone, and he said, "I can't find my thingie."  Cue a beat of silence, then uproarious laughter from both and teasing from big sis.  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: LadyClaire on October 23, 2012, 01:26:02 PM
A few weeks ago, DH and I were at dinner with a friend,  Kenny. I had a box of leftovers, which I accidentally left on the far side of the table. As we were leaving I noticed it and, as Kenny was in between me and the leftovers, I put my arm around him and said "Kenny, will you please grab my box?" There was a split second of silence before all three of us were howling with laughter.

We have two chefs in our cafeteria at work. One of them is hooked on those Monster energy drinks.

One day as they were closing up and I was in the cafeteria finishing my lunch, the one cafeteria guy turned to the other and said "Hey, Chris, could you grab my monster for me?"

I teased them endlessly over that.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: hermanne on November 23, 2012, 11:23:29 AM
Yesterday while getting the turkey ready to put in the oven, I called to DH, "I need you to stick your probe in!"

DH: "Oh?..."  >:D

I meant the thermometer probe into the turkey!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on November 27, 2012, 09:38:58 PM
Turns out that one term for the flap of skin on the underside of the elbow is 'weenis'.

Cue the entire family comparing their skin flaps and making jokes about 'weenis envy'. ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: ladyknight1 on November 29, 2012, 04:05:29 PM
My co-worker ML walked to my office today to say "I'm going to be banging in my office for a while, so don't worry, I'm okay."

 :-[  ???

ML was hanging up pictures in her office. I was accused of having a dirty mind. Guilty as charged!  >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: violinp on November 29, 2012, 06:40:35 PM
My poor music director...

Several years ago, before I started attending my now home church, Music Director put a sign over the binder shelves:
Singers:
They're all the same; just grab one.

And, furiously scribbled under that was: "The binders, I mean. Not the singers."

It's given so many giggles that we've just left it up there for a decade (at least).
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on November 30, 2012, 04:40:06 PM
I heard one on Ellen today, as she was talking to Wanda Sykes, who is just hilarious.   Wanda's married to a French woman and their kids mostly speak French and she said there are some French words that just don't sound very nice to American ears.  Like "Seal"  It is not spelled the same but it sounds like the four letter word that begins with "F". 

Ellen said "So just don't get them a seal"

Well apparently Wanda and her wife took the kids to the Long Beach Aquarium and the kids started saying "Look mom, phoque!! Phoque, mama!!" Course the kids are little and innocent and have no idea what the Americans think they're saying but their family's getting these dirty looks cause these kids sound like they're saying "f***"

I just about died laughing as she was telling this. Talk about things that sound dirty but aren't.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: greencat on November 30, 2012, 05:02:15 PM
I learned that one sometime around my freshman year of high school - somewhere, there is a T-Shirt emblazoned with the many sayings we came up with to swear with our teachers if not clueless, at least able to have plausible deniability :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lady Snowdon on December 02, 2012, 10:37:02 AM
My team is in a contest with another team to see who can improve their metrics the best over the next thirty days.  Each team has a bell to ring (ours in a bicycle bell) each time someone hits their goal.  The bell is on a pillar that supports four cubes - mine is one of those four.

Two days ago, a coworker of mine leaned over and said, very softly, "LadySnowdon, would you mind ringing my bell for me?"  >:D  I stared at her in shock for a moment (as I processed what she actually meant) then started laughing as I said, "Ohmigosh Tammy, it sounds just terrible when you say it like that!".  It took her a second to get it, and then both of us were just about hysterical.  After a few minutes to get our breath back, she leaned over again and said, "LadySnowdon, would you mind ringing *the* bell for me?" and I said sure through my giggles.  I got up, rung the bell and said, "There you go Tammy, I rang your bell for you".  She shimmied in her seat a little and thanked me.   ;D 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on December 06, 2012, 02:00:19 PM
We're having a tree-decorating contest at work.
I happen to be the only female in my zone.

I brought in some prospective ornaments yesterday and showed them to coworker "Hey, do you want to see my balls?"

Yeah, that got some attention!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 06, 2012, 02:41:08 PM
I stumbled across something funny recently that your post reminded me of.  Ellen DeGeneres used to have a segment of her show that lasted all of 3 days called "Can Andy Say That?" which consisted of her asking her co-producer Andy Lassner to say things that sounded dirty but weren't because he is apparently 12 years old and giggles at anything that sounds dirty to him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nppdDUbv0gU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0WPYkWm7eE
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: CakeBeret on December 06, 2012, 04:39:32 PM
"I gave [boss man] herpes."

It's not dirty, I swear.

We always send out company Christmas cards, and this year's cards have glitter. Glitter is often called "the herpes of the craft world", which is a phrase that makes me giggle. So when I handed Boss Man the stack of Christmas cards (and made sure some of the glitter got on him) I meant to say something witty, but it came out as "I gave [boss man] herpes." Hilarity ensued.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: JoW on December 16, 2012, 11:47:09 AM
I use to work with a man from China.  In his culture its family name first, given name last.  So his name tag and his phone listing were FamilyName GivenName.  And by reading that most people would have called him by his family name.  Which was Hung. 

The one thing you cannot call a man is Hung.  Most of us called him by his full name.  His close associates called him by his given name, which was his last name. 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Iris on December 16, 2012, 02:29:31 PM
I use to work with a man from China.  In his culture its family name first, given name last.  So his name tag and his phone listing were FamilyName GivenName.  And by reading that most people would have called him by his family name.  Which was Hung. 

The one thing you cannot call a man is Hung.  Most of us called him by his full name.  His close associates called him by his given name, which was his last name.

I used to work with a guy called Phuc. To be honest, we didn't even notice it after a very short time. It was just his name. It depends on context I think. If you introduce people and say "Mr SoandSo, this is Phuc" it's not like you are saying "Mr SoandSo, this is Mike, and here's a random swear word."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on December 16, 2012, 03:51:53 PM
I use to work with a man from China.  In his culture its family name first, given name last.  So his name tag and his phone listing were FamilyName GivenName.  And by reading that most people would have called him by his family name.  Which was Hung. 

The one thing you cannot call a man is Hung.  Most of us called him by his full name.  His close associates called him by his given name, which was his last name.

I used to work with a guy called Phuc. To be honest, we didn't even notice it after a very short time. It was just his name. It depends on context I think. If you introduce people and say "Mr SoandSo, this is Phuc" it's not like you are saying "Mr SoandSo, this is Mike, and here's a random swear word."

Except it's pronounced "Foo".  :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on December 16, 2012, 08:14:26 PM
I use to work with a man from China.  In his culture its family name first, given name last.  So his name tag and his phone listing were FamilyName GivenName.  And by reading that most people would have called him by his family name.  Which was Hung. 

The one thing you cannot call a man is Hung.  Most of us called him by his full name.  His close associates called him by his given name, which was his last name.

I used to work with a guy called Phuc. To be honest, we didn't even notice it after a very short time. It was just his name. It depends on context I think. If you introduce people and say "Mr SoandSo, this is Phuc" it's not like you are saying "Mr SoandSo, this is Mike, and here's a random swear word."

My husband told me a story how he met a guy named Holea Phuc, (just think of Phuc and the first name pronounced Holy), it was hilarious, the story behind it!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 16, 2012, 09:05:40 PM
A restaurant near my house is called Phuket.  Yes, it's foo-KET, but you can bet everyone stops and thinks through the possible pronunciations before saying it!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Iris on December 16, 2012, 10:48:02 PM
I use to work with a man from China.  In his culture its family name first, given name last.  So his name tag and his phone listing were FamilyName GivenName.  And by reading that most people would have called him by his family name.  Which was Hung. 

The one thing you cannot call a man is Hung.  Most of us called him by his full name.  His close associates called him by his given name, which was his last name.

I used to work with a guy called Phuc. To be honest, we didn't even notice it after a very short time. It was just his name. It depends on context I think. If you introduce people and say "Mr SoandSo, this is Phuc" it's not like you are saying "Mr SoandSo, this is Mike, and here's a random swear word."

Except it's pronounced "Foo".  :)

That's not how he pronounced it. I did actually work with him, he introduced himself and everything :)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Iris on December 16, 2012, 10:50:45 PM
I use to work with a man from China.  In his culture its family name first, given name last.  So his name tag and his phone listing were FamilyName GivenName.  And by reading that most people would have called him by his family name.  Which was Hung. 

The one thing you cannot call a man is Hung.  Most of us called him by his full name.  His close associates called him by his given name, which was his last name.

I used to work with a guy called Phuc. To be honest, we didn't even notice it after a very short time. It was just his name. It depends on context I think. If you introduce people and say "Mr SoandSo, this is Phuc" it's not like you are saying "Mr SoandSo, this is Mike, and here's a random swear word."

Except it's pronounced "Foo".  :)

That's not how he pronounced it. I did actually work with him, he introduced himself and everything :)

I should add that he pronounced it "Fook", not ... well, erm ... but in a country with quite a few Irish accents around it was near enough, believe me.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: nuit93 on December 17, 2012, 12:34:45 AM
I giggle like a pre-teen whenever someone says "duty".

Also, the song "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" sounds vaguely dirty to me.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on December 17, 2012, 05:26:35 AM
I use to work with a man from China.  In his culture its family name first, given name last.  So his name tag and his phone listing were FamilyName GivenName.  And by reading that most people would have called him by his family name.  Which was Hung. 

The one thing you cannot call a man is Hung.  Most of us called him by his full name.  His close associates called him by his given name, which was his last name.

I used to work with a guy called Phuc. To be honest, we didn't even notice it after a very short time. It was just his name. It depends on context I think. If you introduce people and say "Mr SoandSo, this is Phuc" it's not like you are saying "Mr SoandSo, this is Mike, and here's a random swear word."

Except it's pronounced "Foo".  :)

That's not how he pronounced it. I did actually work with him, he introduced himself and everything :)

Trust me, I know all about mispronouncing one's own name... for the first twenty-five years or so of my life, I pronounced my last name incorrectly, then discovered the way it should be pronounced and... well, I'm sad to say I *still* mispronounce it, because how do you break a habit that ingrained?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on December 17, 2012, 08:20:07 AM
I giggle like a pre-teen whenever someone says "duty".

Also, the song "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" sounds vaguely dirty to me.

Me, too!  I also snort when people say "What you do do is take a marker...".  Then I point out that they said do do.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: exitzero on December 17, 2012, 08:57:05 AM
My boyfriend was helping a friend of mine hang a picture. They were in her bedroom, and I was a the bottom of the stairs in the kitchen.
I heard this exchange

Him: Does that look like 10 inches to you?
Her: Yup, let me grab a hold of it.

I yelled up the stairs that I didn't want to seem like one of THOSE girlfriends, but I don't think I liked where this converation is going!

Of course, things only got MUCH worse after that.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on December 17, 2012, 01:59:23 PM
Shirley works in our liquor dept, and is in charge of things like filling outs, making sure that the little paper bags are stocked. She came up with the idea for keeping them in a small container, and even has a place to put them.

When she approached our front end ZMS about this and said the following,

Amy, I need a small box (and that's where she paused)

my juvenile brain could not help, but laugh. Not only that, I added a comment that while not e-hell approved, set the 4 of us giggling hysterically.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: LadyClaire on December 17, 2012, 02:05:00 PM
I use to work with a man from China.  In his culture its family name first, given name last.  So his name tag and his phone listing were FamilyName GivenName.  And by reading that most people would have called him by his family name.  Which was Hung. 

The one thing you cannot call a man is Hung.  Most of us called him by his full name.  His close associates called him by his given name, which was his last name.

At the uni I work for, we have a lot of asian students. We have a Hung and a Dong.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: LadyClaire on December 17, 2012, 02:06:10 PM
I was telling my co-worker about the HUGE christmas tree my husband brought home last night. I said "Yeah, when he came through the door with it, it was just so enormous that I wasn't sure where I was even going to put it!"

Co-worker turned red and started snorting, and at that point I realized what I'd said..
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: nuit93 on December 17, 2012, 02:26:35 PM
"I gave [boss man] herpes."

It's not dirty, I swear.

We always send out company Christmas cards, and this year's cards have glitter. Glitter is often called "the herpes of the craft world", which is a phrase that makes me giggle. So when I handed Boss Man the stack of Christmas cards (and made sure some of the glitter got on him) I meant to say something witty, but it came out as "I gave [boss man] herpes." Hilarity ensued.

I've often referred to glitter as "raver herpes".
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on December 17, 2012, 06:01:01 PM
I use to work with a man from China.  In his culture its family name first, given name last.  So his name tag and his phone listing were FamilyName GivenName.  And by reading that most people would have called him by his family name.  Which was Hung. 

The one thing you cannot call a man is Hung.  Most of us called him by his full name.  His close associates called him by his given name, which was his last name.

At the uni I work for, we have a lot of asian students. We have a Hung and a Dong.


This reminded me of a story my photo asst manager told me...

The dept manager went up to the front counter to help a customer. A few minutes later, she comes back to the back of the lab with tears streaming down her face. Thinking the customer said something nasty, he went up to find out what was going on.

He finds out dept manager is not crying, but laughing so hard she has tears rolling down her face. The customers  name was Harry Ho.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lillie82 on January 08, 2013, 09:04:57 PM
A friend from college that I keep in touch with by email once typed to me that something had "worked out for the bed" instead of "for the best."

The reason I thought it was vaguely, well, Freudian, was that she was newly married and was talking about how it was "for the best" that she didn't have a dog at the moment because her husband wasn't such a dog person. So I immediately thought maybe he preferred not to have a dog in bed with them, just after they were married.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: greencat on January 08, 2013, 09:54:26 PM
I'm not entirely sure that they aren't intentional, but a game I play on my phone that is made by Disney (but isn't themed with any of the iconic Disney properties) has several inadvertent innuendos.  Theoretically inadvertent anyway.  One of the messages, appearing on a "Tool Shed" building, says, "Gnomes have surprisingly big tools."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: twiggy on January 09, 2013, 01:04:02 AM
DH and BIL play lots of online RPGs, and their latest is a game called DOTA. While playing, they have skype open so that they can coordinate their attacks/strategy. Tonight, while they were playing, I heard the following exchange:

"Hey Bro, can you use my hand?"
"What? No. Your hand won't do anything for me. Just jump inside me."
"I can't jump in you right now, I'm still cooling down"
"Aaargh. Well, lets just go and gank that group over here....."

Later I heard:

"Fine, next game we'll switch and I'll jump in you."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Nikko-chan on January 23, 2013, 02:27:46 AM
Kitchen Table Scrabble :)

(it was an article on my schools website)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: VorFemme on January 23, 2013, 07:47:47 AM
"Chit" or "Chits" - used in the sense of a token to be exchanged for something else - claim ticket, coupon for a free meal, that sort of thing.

For non-English speakers - it rhymes with a common word for excrement and only the first letter is different.  Depending on how "ch" is pronounced compared to "sh", it can sound a LOT like the word for excrement.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 23, 2013, 09:35:23 AM
Okay, the names have really got me giggling, here! LOL!

Especially having heard the F word in an Irish accent, I can see how Phuc can get confusing.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 23, 2013, 04:13:31 PM
"Chit" or "Chits" - used in the sense of a token to be exchanged for something else - claim ticket, coupon for a free meal, that sort of thing.

For non-English speakers - it rhymes with a common word for excrement and only the first letter is different.  Depending on how "ch" is pronounced compared to "sh", it can sound a LOT like the word for excrement.

We use chits at work and constantly make jokes related to the excrement work.  The first time I ever heard "chit" I had to listen very carefully the next time to make sure I had heard it right.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Thipu1 on January 23, 2013, 05:34:24 PM
"Chit" or "Chits" - used in the sense of a token to be exchanged for something else - claim ticket, coupon for a free meal, that sort of thing.

For non-English speakers - it rhymes with a common word for excrement and only the first letter is different.  Depending on how "ch" is pronounced compared to "sh", it can sound a LOT like the word for excrement.

Isn't 'chit' also a rather derogatory term for a young woman? 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: VorFemme on January 23, 2013, 06:36:23 PM
"Chit" or "Chits" - used in the sense of a token to be exchanged for something else - claim ticket, coupon for a free meal, that sort of thing.

For non-English speakers - it rhymes with a common word for excrement and only the first letter is different.  Depending on how "ch" is pronounced compared to "sh", it can sound a LOT like the word for excrement.

Isn't 'chit' also a rather derogatory term for a young woman? 

It can be - but is somewhat "quaint" as it isn't current slang.....but the dictionary says that it is a "saucy young woman or girl" - so only derogatory by those who look down on those females who aren't meek & mild.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: ladyknight1 on January 23, 2013, 09:07:36 PM
I eat breakfast very early in the morning, usually before 7 am, then take DS to school and commute to work. I have class at either 10:30 or 12:00 depending on the day. I have to keep my blood sugar stable, so I eat a snack a few minutes before class.

Today, I had a banana and some nuts.  :-[
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Elfmama on January 23, 2013, 09:24:39 PM
"Chit" or "Chits" - used in the sense of a token to be exchanged for something else - claim ticket, coupon for a free meal, that sort of thing.

For non-English speakers - it rhymes with a common word for excrement and only the first letter is different.  Depending on how "ch" is pronounced compared to "sh", it can sound a LOT like the word for excrement.

Isn't 'chit' also a rather derogatory term for a young woman? 

It can be - but is somewhat "quaint" as it isn't current slang.....but the dictionary says that it is a "saucy young woman or girl" - so only derogatory by those who look down on those females who aren't meek & mild.
When my girls were teens, they were in a local children's theater production of Little Women.  The script called for the crabby old aunt to call one of the girls a 'chit.'  Everyone listening to the rehearsal heard the excrement word, no matter how carefully the actress enunciated.  It got changed to 'flibbertygibbet.'

DH gave me one to use for this topic yesterday.  >:D We were hanging pegboard in my sewing room; he was drilling holes in the wall for the wall-anchors to go in.  He hands me the box that the drillbits live in, and said "Here.  Hold my bits."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Lillie82 on February 01, 2013, 11:17:13 PM
I didn't even think of the dirty meaning of this one at the time.

When my high school theater teacher talked about characters he had acted as, he often used the word "do," in place of "portrayed" or "played." And of course, those would be male characters.

So he said things like, "I did Skye Masterson." *

"I'd like to do Sherlock Holmes."

His wife (of around 40 years) taught English at the same school, and I had no reason to think he was anything other than straight. The teacher, I mean. Sherlock Holmes, on the other hand... >:D

* Guys and Dolls.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Bethczar on February 02, 2013, 12:40:05 AM
When DH & I were dating, we went to a grill-your-own-steak place for dinner one Saturday night. The steaks there were enormous, so I took most of mine back to his place. When I finally went home Sunday evening, I accidentally left the steak in his fridge.

Shortly after I got home, the phone rang and roommate answered it. She burst out laughing when she heard my boyfriend say, "Hey lady, I've got a big piece of meat for ya!"

(In DH's defense, my roommate rarely answered the phone at night. She only answered that night because she was expecting an important call.)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Thipu1 on February 03, 2013, 09:46:34 AM
Some years ago, a friend and I were on line to pick up tickets to a concert.  A cellist from our home town was to be a featured soloist. 

As we waited, we chatted.  I was on line ahead of her and turned around so we could see each other while talking.  I was therefore in a position to see the face of the woman in line behind her.  Of course, our discussion turned to the cellist.  My friend was a teacher and had taught one of his children in her 4th Grade class.   

When she said, 'He's a lovely man.  I had his kid, you know'. you should have seen the face of the  lady behind us.  It was the living embodiment of 'gobsmacked'.   

Of course, 'having someone's kid' is just teacher-speak but not everyone knows that. 

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: ebrochu on February 09, 2013, 06:13:16 PM
At our work, we have a Security company that we call if we have any alarms going off in the building. They call, and ask for a "Password number" Each higher up has one, and once this number is given, they can tell us what the alarm was for.

The name of the security company? Chubb Security

Well, I was in our back office, and my immediate manager was talking to a male co-worker, and Said to him "hey, do you have a chubb number??"

Cue me breaking down into hysterical giggles, and the guy looking at me laughing and saying "SOMEONE'S got a dirty mind!"



I'm sure we all know what Chubb is a euphemism for...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MizB on February 15, 2013, 01:22:06 PM
When I was in high school I sang a duet with a friend of mine. The song was "Think of Me" from "The Phantom of the Opera." There is a point where I was finishing a line and he came in with "you've really changed your really not a bit the gawkish girl that once you were,"

No matter how enunciated the word bit always ended up rhyming with witch.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Midnight Kitty on February 21, 2013, 03:44:32 PM
This incident happened while I was driving, DH was riding shotgun, and our friends, an older married couple were in the back seat.  They were trying to fasten their seatbelts.  Since we seldom have people riding in the back seat, the seatbelts tend to hide between/beneath the seat cushions.  They were helping each other accompanied by this conversation:

Him:  Did you find it?
Her:  Yes, now hold it up.
Him:  I've got it up.
Her:  It won't stay up.  Hold it firmer.
Him:  This is a firm as I can hold it.
Her:  I can't get it in.
Him:  Push harder.
Her:  Hold it up!
Him:  I'm holding!  Can you find the hole?
Her:  I can find it, I just can't get it in.

They went on and on, round and round, until I had to pull over because it wasn't safe to drive when I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: violinp on March 15, 2013, 02:29:11 PM
This incident happened while I was driving, DH was riding shotgun, and our friends, an older married couple were in the back seat.  They were trying to fasten their seatbelts.  Since we seldom have people riding in the back seat, the seatbelts tend to hide between/beneath the seat cushions.  They were helping each other accompanied by this conversation:

Him:  Did you find it?
Her:  Yes, now hold it up.
Him:  I've got it up.
Her:  It won't stay up.  Hold it firmer.
Him:  This is a firm as I can hold it.
Her:  I can't get it in.
Him:  Push harder.
Her:  Hold it up!
Him:  I'm holding!  Can you find the hole?
Her:  I can find it, I just can't get it in.

They went on and on, round and round, until I had to pull over because it wasn't safe to drive when I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. ;D

I would have too!  ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Moonie on March 15, 2013, 04:18:32 PM
When my brother and sister were young, my sister had one of those hair holders that was a leather piece that had a stick that went through each end to hold the hair . (Think early70's). Mom and I were in the living room when the following was heard:

Sis: "STOP IT!!  STOP IT!!! GET MY THING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!!! MOOOOOOM, HE WON"T GIVE ME BACK MY THING!!! GIVE ME MY THING!!!! STOP SUCKING ON IT!!!"

Mom and I were crying with laughter and had to hold onto each other to keep from falling off the sofa.

Another recent one was a friend of mine posted on Facebook a picture of a church she took on vacation. The church was painted pink, and she tagged a friend of hers who I assumed really liked that color. Her friend commented, "That's so pretty. I wonder if it's pink on the inside, too."  I couldn't help myself. I commented, "That's what he said."   It was just sitting there waiting for me...what else could I do?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: jayhawk on March 15, 2013, 09:30:17 PM
I was checking out at the grocery store earlier where I had picked up a roast and a brisket. I bring my own bags, so the young man checking asked if I wanted my meat wrapped in plastic [bag]. I didn't think anything of it until he quietly turned to the kid sacking and said, "Remind me to tell you what another customer said when I asked him that."

I was  ??? Then  :o then  >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on March 19, 2013, 02:35:21 PM
"Where do you want this?  It's kind of big.  In your trunk?"

I met my coworker in the parking lot at work to pick up the computer and monitor he sold me.  He had the monitor and a few other things in a large box.  I couldn't answer him I was laughing so hard.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: whatsanenigma on March 19, 2013, 03:54:59 PM
When I was in high school I sang a duet with a friend of mine. The song was "Think of Me" from "The Phantom of the Opera." There is a point where I was finishing a line and he came in with "you've really changed your really not a bit the gawkish girl that once you were,"

No matter how enunciated the word bit always ended up rhyming with witch.

That reminds me of a production of "Dracula" we did when I was in high school.

At several points in this play, one character or another says "The horror! The horror!"

Midwestern American kids plus bad fake British accents equals my friends and I holding our hands over our mouths backstage and pointing at each other.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on March 29, 2013, 11:01:51 AM
I walk into the lounge at work yesterday, to hear his from one of 2 associates at a table...


"I like mine good and hard."

I turned and looked at them and said "Well, I guess I walked in on the wrong part of that conversation." and watched to see if she would realize what she said.

Yup, she sure did, by turning a brilliant shade of red, and exclaiming they were talking about peeps.

 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on March 29, 2013, 11:24:24 AM
I walk into the lounge at work yesterday, to hear his from one of 2 associates at a table...


"I like mine good and hard."

I turned and looked at them and said "Well, I guess I walked in on the wrong part of that conversation." and watched to see if she would realize what she said.

Yup, she sure did, by turning a brilliant shade of red, and exclaiming they were talking about peeps.

Y'know, "Talkin' 'bout my peeps" doesn't really clear that up.   ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on March 29, 2013, 01:11:49 PM
I walk into the lounge at work yesterday, to hear his from one of 2 associates at a table...


"I like mine good and hard."

I turned and looked at them and said "Well, I guess I walked in on the wrong part of that conversation." and watched to see if she would realize what she said.

Yup, she sure did, by turning a brilliant shade of red, and exclaiming they were talking about peeps.

Y'know, "Talkin' 'bout my peeps" doesn't really clear that up.   ;D

This is true.

Oh, another one. My work lounge is a cesspool of this thread.


I, age 40 something, sit across the table pregnant girl, age 20 something, and shortly after that young hot guy, age 21, comes into the lounge and sits with us. A bit later other coworker, age 30 something sits.  We are all chatting, and young hot guy stretches and says my leg is growing.

Pregnant girl and I look at him, and I say, "ummm shouldn't you keep that to yourself?" Pregnant girl starts laughing and other coworker asked what he said. When I told her she says "Jackie!!!" I defend myself with "Well, he said it."

YHG, turns a brilliant shade of red and mumbles something about his pants getting to short. He then says, "You 2," meaning me and other coworker "should not be talking about that because you're old."

Other coworker says, "I'm not that much older than you are." Me. "That was tame compared to what can come out of my mouth." 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: ladyknight1 on March 29, 2013, 05:06:23 PM
I am a volunteer with Boy and Venture Scouts, also a wilderness first aid trainer. DH found a nifty little first aid instruments kit yesterday and brought it home for me. I work with another Scout volunteer, and I took the kit with me today to show him.

Me: Hey, later come by my office I want to show you something.
Him: That sounds dirty.
Me:  ::)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Elfmama on March 29, 2013, 06:14:53 PM
Something I almost posted on anther list, but stopped the finger heading for the 'post' button in time.

A new member was marveling at all the spammers that were hammered this week, and I typed out "Yeah, they come in spurts."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 30, 2013, 07:27:55 AM
Pirate babe doesn't crawl down the stairs like most toddlers, he likes to hold on to people's hands and try to walk down the stairs.   This morning I reached out to pick him up but instead he grabbed my hands and started to step down.  Dh came up behind us and I said "He likes to go down by himself."

Dh says "Isn't he too young for that?" 

It took me a few minutes for that to 'click'.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Dr. F. on March 30, 2013, 01:24:55 PM
I was chatting with some colleagues yesterday about the cherry blossoms. I looked online at the various stages.

Me: "Oh, look! The florets are already exerted. The next stage is peduncle elongation, and then we achieve fluffy whiteness!"

Cue much giggling.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on March 30, 2013, 04:04:32 PM
"You know what my formal name is.  Say it.  SAY IT."

A friend at work calls me Padewan but because he is a he, I refuse to call him Master.  That was a conversation worthy of this thread, too, but I forget how all of it went.  In the instance above, (all done jokingly) I was being obstinate and he was calling me Padewan, talking about how I was going to the Dark Side, that I was immature, and that I had no respect for my elders.  He wanted me to respect him and acknowledge his rank.  Yeah, you should have seen his face when he realized what it sounded like he was saying.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Midnight Kitty on April 04, 2013, 04:44:05 PM
A new member was marveling at all the spammers that were hammered this week, and I typed out "Yeah, they come in spurts."
That is priceless! I think I'll be working that comment into as many conversations as I can, just to see who catches the hidden meaning. >:D

Quote from: Mental Magpie
"You know what my formal name is. Say it. SAY IT."

A friend at work calls me Padewan but because he is a he, I refuse to call him Master.  That was a conversation worthy of this thread, too, but I forget how all of it went.  In the instance above, (all done jokingly) I was being obstinate and he was calling me Padewan, talking about how I was going to the Dark Side, that I was immature, and that I had no respect for my elders.  He wanted me to respect him and acknowledge his rank.  Yeah, you should have seen his face when he realized what it sounded like he was saying.
I'm missing something here.  If he said that first sentence, I would think he's a PITA, not something dirty.  I am clueless about Padewan and Master.  I would never refer to anyone with whom I work as "Master."  That title is reserved for DH and only used sarcastically ("Yes sir, Master sir. I'll do that right now"). ::)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Bethczar on April 04, 2013, 05:04:36 PM
A new member was marveling at all the spammers that were hammered this week, and I typed out "Yeah, they come in spurts."
That is priceless! I think I'll be working that comment into as many conversations as I can, just to see who catches the hidden meaning. >:D

Quote from: Mental Magpie
"You know what my formal name is. Say it. SAY IT."

A friend at work calls me Padewan but because he is a he, I refuse to call him Master.  That was a conversation worthy of this thread, too, but I forget how all of it went.  In the instance above, (all done jokingly) I was being obstinate and he was calling me Padewan, talking about how I was going to the Dark Side, that I was immature, and that I had no respect for my elders.  He wanted me to respect him and acknowledge his rank.  Yeah, you should have seen his face when he realized what it sounded like he was saying.
I'm missing something here.  If he said that first sentence, I would think he's a PITA, not something dirty.  I am clueless about Padewan and Master.  I would never refer to anyone with whom I work as "Master."  That title is reserved for DH and only used sarcastically ("Yes sir, Master sir. I'll do that right now"). ::)
I know Padewan & Master are Jedi titles, but I don't get the rest of it either.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on April 04, 2013, 05:12:18 PM
A new member was marveling at all the spammers that were hammered this week, and I typed out "Yeah, they come in spurts."
That is priceless! I think I'll be working that comment into as many conversations as I can, just to see who catches the hidden meaning. >:D

Quote from: Mental Magpie
"You know what my formal name is. Say it. SAY IT."

A friend at work calls me Padewan but because he is a he, I refuse to call him Master.  That was a conversation worthy of this thread, too, but I forget how all of it went.  In the instance above, (all done jokingly) I was being obstinate and he was calling me Padewan, talking about how I was going to the Dark Side, that I was immature, and that I had no respect for my elders.  He wanted me to respect him and acknowledge his rank.  Yeah, you should have seen his face when he realized what it sounded like he was saying.
I'm missing something here.  If he said that first sentence, I would think he's a PITA, not something dirty.  I am clueless about Padewan and Master.  I would never refer to anyone with whom I work as "Master."  That title is reserved for DH and only used sarcastically ("Yes sir, Master sir. I'll do that right now"). ::)
I know Padewan & Master are Jedi titles, but I don't get the rest of it either.

"Say my name".  Sorry, I thought it was clear; we both got it but then again, we were there.

Midnight Kitty, neither would I but it was a Star Wars joke we were both going with.  It started with him saying he was the master at such and such and I was just the apprentice, so I should follow his lead and be a good Padewan.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Midnight Kitty on April 04, 2013, 11:51:29 PM
Quote from: Mental Magpie
"You know what my formal name is. Say it. SAY IT."
"Say my name".  Sorry, I thought it was clear; we both got it but then again, we were there.
Now I feel hopelessly dense. I tried saying both bolded phrases out loud and still I got nothing dirty.  I have an "earthy" sense of humor, so I'm very frustrated to be missing the good part. :-[

Midnight Kitty, neither would I but it was a Star Wars joke we were both going with.  It started with him saying he was the master at such and such and I was just the apprentice, so I should follow his lead and be a good Padewan.
I'm glad it works for you guys.  I wouldn't tolerate that level of disrespect at work.  I earned my reputation for being "a bit prickly." >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on April 05, 2013, 12:33:19 AM
Quote from: Mental Magpie
"You know what my formal name is. Say it. SAY IT."
"Say my name".  Sorry, I thought it was clear; we both got it but then again, we were there.
Now I feel hopelessly dense. I tried saying both bolded phrases out loud and still I got nothing dirty.  I have an "earthy" sense of humor, so I'm very frustrated to be missing the good part. :-[

Midnight Kitty, neither would I but it was a Star Wars joke we were both going with.  It started with him saying he was the master at such and such and I was just the apprentice, so I should follow his lead and be a good Padewan.
I'm glad it works for you guys.  I wouldn't tolerate that level of disrespect at work.  I earned my reputation for being "a bit prickly." >:D

"Say my name" is something, while not necessarily actually said, that has been made into a joke about being said during Scrabble.


Also, I don't see how it is disrespectful at all so I can see why our mileage varies.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on April 05, 2013, 09:46:05 AM
My guess is that some people don't like the idea of calling someone "Master", in that it could also imply a slave-like relationship.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: VorFemme on April 05, 2013, 04:59:41 PM
My guess is that some people don't like the idea of calling someone "Master", in that it could also imply a slave-like relationship.

Or some kind of kinky scrabble like in Fifty Shades of whatever.....Lady Heather's house on CSI comes to mind.......but nobody would call her "Master"....."Mistress", on the other hand.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on April 06, 2013, 03:03:09 AM
http://fb-troublemakers.com/dirty-looking-photos-that-are-completely-clean-9111/
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on April 06, 2013, 03:39:39 AM
That last one's always been a favorite of mine.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on April 14, 2013, 04:34:31 AM
I was out last night playing pool with hubby, sister and brother in law, and was reading a list on the wall of replacement parts and accessories for pool tables and cues, and thought of this thread when I saw "extra shaft", "butt holder".......and I found this doozy on another forum, had to share it, lol

10) I use cue slik to make my shaft super slippery.
9) I just had my entire butt resprayed by Scot Sherbine.
8) He'll be in great shape if he can move his balls over a little!
7) I just hate sitting on an Andy Gilbert shaft.
6) Fingerslides!
5) Hey Lenny, is anyone else having problems with their stream?
4) You tell him.. if he wants action, I'll give him action all night long!
3) He's got the nutz!!
2) Ralf plays around with the weights in the butt.

And the #1 phrase that sounds dirty but isn't....

1) Getting down and dirty in the TAR pit!


"Turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!" ~ Les Nessman

“Dead balls are harder to find than they are to make." ~ Cisero Murphy

"When all else fails, try not missing ... INTENTIONALLY." ~ Steve Mizerak

www.deadstrokeuniversity.com (the url in itself sounds dirty)

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on April 26, 2013, 06:46:21 PM
Walking passed an As Seen on TV display yesterday with an Asst. Manager, and he says "Oh, look, pocket hose."

My brain took that too a whole different direction, and all I could do was apologize for laughing, and I told him that I just took that the very wrong way.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on April 26, 2013, 10:33:20 PM
Today I prepared some documents to send to a client. We send lots of these and they are referred  to in our industry as "packages".

Before I send anything out, it has to be reviewed for accuracy.

So I walked into coworker's office and said "I'm going to indulge my inner 12 year old and ask you to check out my package."

She just laughed and said "Seeing as how it's you I'll say yes. But I wouldn't to one of the guys..."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mental Magpie on April 27, 2013, 06:51:42 AM
These always make me giggle like a kid.


There is a dog groomers near my house named Doggy Stylin'.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 28, 2013, 10:09:19 PM
A commercial for a bbq place in the food court of our mall. 

"No one pulls my pork like Virginia Barbecue"
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MizB on June 13, 2013, 12:01:09 AM
At work we were putting a sign up and it had bubbles, we had been having a great time laughing about how dirty the whole thing was when I said push it, keep going, yeah thats it, keep going, keep going, yes.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on July 18, 2013, 09:20:46 PM
Trany bought and paid for, pick up tomorrow morning.

Was for her car, not a bazaar bachlorette party...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Dawse on July 21, 2013, 07:33:21 AM
There's an advert currently airing in the UK for Walker's deep ridged crisps. Their tagline is 'Ridges twice as deep, for extra satisfaction.'

I couldn't believe what I was hearing the first time. I'm still not sure how they got away with airing it during the day. My boyfriend said it sounds like an advert for condoms.

And in the same vein, there's a local gardening company whose vans have the words 'total service for your endless pleasure' emblazoned proudly on the door. I'm not sure if I want that to be deliberate or not.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Elisabunny on July 30, 2013, 08:33:59 PM
The next large town over includes Beaver wingadingdingy Park.

It honors an explorer and trapper named Richard, who had very prominent, buck teeth.  Really.

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: baglady on July 31, 2013, 11:11:50 AM
I posted on Facebook this morning that I dreamed a couple I know were "doing the Freak Show." A minute later I realized what that sounded like and added: "BTW: 'Doing the Freak Show' is not a euphemism."

This couple used to host a podcast that had "Freak Show" in its name. That's what they were doing in my dream -- an episode of the podcast.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on August 23, 2013, 06:09:52 AM
We've met a lot of lovely people on our recent trip.
One night, we stayed in a restored castle, where we met a very nice couple who were on their honeymoon.

So I tried very hard not to laugh when the newlyweds mentioned they would be spending the evening in the lounge, playing scrabble - and would we like to join them?  :o  ;D

But my inner 12 year old was rolling on the floor laughing!!  >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on September 23, 2013, 09:11:14 PM
http://u2037p1088.ilyke.net/13-funny-sexual-innuendos---8-is-really-explicit/36446
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 24, 2013, 02:26:37 PM
Have you ever seen "Innuendo Bingo"?  Here's Matthew Lewis (Neville Longbottom, all growed up!)  failing miserably but hilariously. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZoAl8-XQmo)

Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Ferrets on September 24, 2013, 03:14:27 PM
I work at a publishing house. One of our typesetters recently telephoned our office (Editorial) in fits of laughter, asking for our expert opinion on how she should correct the following missing-word error she'd spotted in a Western novel:

"Bud, you need to go with the lawman," he said. "Don't give him any trouble and I'll work on getting you free."

Bud's only reaction was the slight stiffening of his
[missing word] with which he often responded when given an order.

Reading it out in deadpan fashion and requesting input confirmed beyond all reasonable doubt that every single one of us in the office has a mental humour age of about twelve.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: readingchick on September 24, 2013, 04:27:38 PM
I work at a publishing house. One of our typesetters recently telephoned our office (Editorial) in fits of laughter, asking for our expert opinion on how she should correct the following missing-word error she'd spotted in a Western novel:

"Bud, you need to go with the lawman," he said. "Don't give him any trouble and I'll work on getting you free."

Bud's only reaction was the slight stiffening of his
[missing word] with which he often responded when given an order.

Reading it out in deadpan fashion and requesting input confirmed beyond all reasonable doubt that every single one of us in the office has a mental humour age of about twelve.

snickering over here.....
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Carotte on September 24, 2013, 05:07:02 PM
I work at a publishing house. One of our typesetters recently telephoned our office (Editorial) in fits of laughter, asking for our expert opinion on how she should correct the following missing-word error she'd spotted in a Western novel:

"Bud, you need to go with the lawman," he said. "Don't give him any trouble and I'll work on getting you free."

Bud's only reaction was the slight stiffening of his
[missing word] with which he often responded when given an order.

Reading it out in deadpan fashion and requesting input confirmed beyond all reasonable doubt that every single one of us in the office has a mental humour age of about twelve.

I guess it was something like spine or jaw? but yeah, I'd wager that 99% off people above 12 will think the exact same thing. ;D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Midnight Kitty on September 24, 2013, 05:21:39 PM
I work at a publishing house. One of our typesetters recently telephoned our office (Editorial) in fits of laughter, asking for our expert opinion on how she should correct the following missing-word error she'd spotted in a Western novel:

"Bud, you need to go with the lawman," he said. "Don't give him any trouble and I'll work on getting you free."

Bud's only reaction was the slight stiffening of his
[missing word] with which he often responded when given an order.

Reading it out in deadpan fashion and requesting input confirmed beyond all reasonable doubt that every single one of us in the office has a mental humour age of about twelve.

I guess it was something like spine or jaw? but yeah, I'd wager that 99% off people above 12 will think the exact same thing. ;D
I guessed "neck."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: cwm on September 25, 2013, 11:18:37 AM
I work at a publishing house. One of our typesetters recently telephoned our office (Editorial) in fits of laughter, asking for our expert opinion on how she should correct the following missing-word error she'd spotted in a Western novel:

"Bud, you need to go with the lawman," he said. "Don't give him any trouble and I'll work on getting you free."

Bud's only reaction was the slight stiffening of his
[missing word] with which he often responded when given an order.

Reading it out in deadpan fashion and requesting input confirmed beyond all reasonable doubt that every single one of us in the office has a mental humour age of about twelve.

I guess it was something like spine or jaw? but yeah, I'd wager that 99% off people above 12 will think the exact same thing. ;D
I guessed "neck."

Neck, jaw, both would work. But yeah, not what I was thinking originally.

I swear, I'm a well-adjusted adult. Sometimes...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Elfmama on September 25, 2013, 01:13:28 PM
I work at a publishing house. One of our typesetters recently telephoned our office (Editorial) in fits of laughter, asking for our expert opinion on how she should correct the following missing-word error she'd spotted in a Western novel:

"Bud, you need to go with the lawman," he said. "Don't give him any trouble and I'll work on getting you free."

Bud's only reaction was the slight stiffening of his
[missing word] with which he often responded when given an order.

Reading it out in deadpan fashion and requesting input confirmed beyond all reasonable doubt that every single one of us in the office has a mental humour age of about twelve.

I guess it was something like spine or jaw? but yeah, I'd wager that 99% off people above 12 will think the exact same thing. ;D
I guessed "neck."

Neck, jaw, both would work. But yeah, not what I was thinking originally.

I swear, I'm a well-adjusted adult. Sometimes...
Obviously, Bud is a young man in search of a good dominatrix.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Dr. F. on October 27, 2013, 06:11:07 PM
Me, at the hardware store today:

Nice young male assistant: "Can I help you?"

Me: "Yes, I need a longish screw"

<weird pause as we both realize what I just said>

Me: "I mean, I'm looking for a 5-6" long wood screw to repair a wooden fence"

He refrained from giggling until he was no longer within hearing distance, at least.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: MizB on October 30, 2013, 12:23:40 AM
Background: I filled in at another location within my company yesterday. The layout and features of this location is quite different than the one I am currently in.

I was telling some coworkers how different the store I filled in at last night was from our store. One of the big things is that the counters are much higher. As I described how much higher the counters are I mimed where the counter hit me on my body, which happens to be right under "the ladies."

A male coworker who was part of the discussion said as I showed them where they hit me, said "I would love it if ours stopped there." We all busted up laughing at what it sounded like he said.

He quickly back tracked and said that he meant it would be nice if the counters were taller as ours are relatively short and being a tall guy its uncomfortable.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: WolfWay on November 01, 2013, 02:15:07 AM
A friend of mine asked her dad to "pick up a couple of pairs of suspenders" for her the next time he went to the shops.

He blushed furiously, said he wasn't sure what sort of size or style to get her, and rather desperately tried to suggest that perhaps she should ask her mum to do that sort of thing. Friend was baffled by his response, and "Oh just some plain black ones will do fine, and I'm pretty sure they're adjustable one-size-fits-all kind of things, aren't they?".

The mutual confusion was sorted out when both of them figured out that while she meant "elasticated braces for men, that hold up your trousers and go over your shoulders", he though she meant "lacy underthings for ladies that hold up your stockings".
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Tsaiko on November 09, 2013, 06:15:23 PM
I am taking online lessons in Spanish through a website. I had multiple years of Spanish in HS, but that was *mumblemumble* years ago. So I'm starting from the beginning both as a refresher and because I have forgotten so much.

The lessons I'm currently working on is food. This includes the Spanish word huevos, or eggs. The problem is that I am well aware that huevos is also slang for a man's testicles. In fact, my Spanish teacher in HS made a point of teaching us alternate ways of saying ordering eggs because it could be a problem in some countries. I completely failed one of the modules on food -twice!- because I was laughing so hard at the various sentences about men and women eating, well, huevos.

I know they mean eggs. I know they do. But to my still 12 year old mind, it sound so wrong.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Slartibartfast on November 09, 2013, 07:33:57 PM
I am taking online lessons in Spanish through a website. I had multiple years of Spanish in HS, but that was *mumblemumble* years ago. So I'm starting from the beginning both as a refresher and because I have forgotten so much.

The lessons I'm currently working on is food. This includes the Spanish word huevos, or eggs. The problem is that I am well aware that huevos is also slang for a man's testicles. In fact, my Spanish teacher in HS made a point of teaching us alternate ways of saying ordering eggs because it could be a problem in some countries. I completely failed one of the modules on food -twice!- because I was laughing so hard at the various sentences about men and women eating, well, huevos.

I know they mean eggs. I know they do. But to my still 12 year old mind, it sound so wrong.

I can just imagine the English equivalent - complimenting a man on his tasty nuts?  Asking how heavy his nuts are?  Asking if he will share his nuts with you?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: greencat on November 10, 2013, 12:18:50 AM
I am taking online lessons in Spanish through a website. I had multiple years of Spanish in HS, but that was *mumblemumble* years ago. So I'm starting from the beginning both as a refresher and because I have forgotten so much.

The lessons I'm currently working on is food. This includes the Spanish word huevos, or eggs. The problem is that I am well aware that huevos is also slang for a man's testicles. In fact, my Spanish teacher in HS made a point of teaching us alternate ways of saying ordering eggs because it could be a problem in some countries. I completely failed one of the modules on food -twice!- because I was laughing so hard at the various sentences about men and women eating, well, huevos.

I know they mean eggs. I know they do. But to my still 12 year old mind, it sound so wrong.

I can just imagine the English equivalent - complimenting a man on his tasty nuts?  Asking how heavy his nuts are?  Asking if he will share his nuts with you?

I had to stop myself from having something fairly similar to that come out of my mouth earlier.  You see, the very nice guy had offered to share his cashews with the group...
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Tsaiko on November 10, 2013, 03:34:34 PM
I am taking online lessons in Spanish through a website. I had multiple years of Spanish in HS, but that was *mumblemumble* years ago. So I'm starting from the beginning both as a refresher and because I have forgotten so much.

The lessons I'm currently working on is food. This includes the Spanish word huevos, or eggs. The problem is that I am well aware that huevos is also slang for a man's testicles. In fact, my Spanish teacher in HS made a point of teaching us alternate ways of saying ordering eggs because it could be a problem in some countries. I completely failed one of the modules on food -twice!- because I was laughing so hard at the various sentences about men and women eating, well, huevos.

I know they mean eggs. I know they do. But to my still 12 year old mind, it sound so wrong.

I can just imagine the English equivalent - complimenting a man on his tasty nuts?  Asking how heavy his nuts are?  Asking if he will share his nuts with you?

That's a good analogy. My only saving grace was that the site hasn't gone over the verb for to lick yet. To eat was bad enough.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: emwithme on November 12, 2013, 12:50:23 PM
I am taking online lessons in Spanish through a website. I had multiple years of Spanish in HS, but that was *mumblemumble* years ago. So I'm starting from the beginning both as a refresher and because I have forgotten so much.

The lessons I'm currently working on is food. This includes the Spanish word huevos, or eggs. The problem is that I am well aware that huevos is also slang for a man's testicles. In fact, my Spanish teacher in HS made a point of teaching us alternate ways of saying ordering eggs because it could be a problem in some countries. I completely failed one of the modules on food -twice!- because I was laughing so hard at the various sentences about men and women eating, well, huevos.

I know they mean eggs. I know they do. But to my still 12 year old mind, it sound so wrong.

I can just imagine the English equivalent - complimenting a man on his tasty nuts?  Asking how heavy his nuts are?  Asking if he will share his nuts with you?

I had to stop myself from having something fairly similar to that come out of my mouth earlier.  You see, the very nice guy had offered to share his cashews with the group...

I was a teenager and dating a man who was a few years older than myself (I was 16, he was 24).  He had a seven year old son. 

One night we were all sitting on then-BF's sofa watching a movie and eating snacks.  I went to open a bag of crisps at the same time that then-BF opened a bag of peanuts.  Our elbows clashed and the peanuts went all over our laps. 

I had to leave the room when then-BF's son said (in full innocence) "It's OK, you can just blow dad's nuts before you put them into your mouth". 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Julia Mercer on December 03, 2013, 12:19:23 AM
http://www.opposingviews.com/i/gallery/entertainment/20-pictures-prove-you-have-dirty-mind?=hot
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: hermanne on December 04, 2013, 05:42:51 PM
Title of an article in an archeology magazine:

"Thorfnn the Mighty's Thing"



("thing" is Old Norse for "assembly", the article was about where this guy convened his parliament.)
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: magicdomino on December 05, 2013, 02:14:52 PM
Title of an article in an archeology magazine:

"Thorfnn the Mighty's Thing"



("thing" is Old Norse for "assembly", the article was about where this guy convened his parliament.)

And a very mighty thing it was, too. 
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: White Dragon on December 14, 2013, 05:22:03 PM
Doing some Christmas shopping today and I am waiting in line, items on the belt.
I glance down, turn to the gentleman behind me in line and say:

"I'm sorry if this sounds like a strange request, but would you mind if I felt your ball?"  :D
As I asked, I was pointing to a dog toy he had on the belt - a tennis ball with a rope attached.

He just smiled and said go ahead, whereupon his wife and I talked about the merits of the toy and I decided it wasn't suitable for my dog.  :)

Later on of course, I thought if 20 better ways to phrase the request, but by then it was too late.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Mel the Redcap on December 30, 2013, 10:02:18 PM
The British medical show "Embarrassing Bodies" has now expanded to a season filmed and shown here in Australia, which is awesome because I find it fascinating (and wince-inducing, but that's part of the fun). At a certain point during each episode, they mention the website through which you can look for information on your own embarrassing condition or volunteer to be on the show, and display a little animation of a mouse pointer clicking on the "talk to the doctors" button.

The button right underneath that says "Click here for herpes!"

I cracked up laughing EVERY TIME, and came up with all sorts of things to say about it. "Now that's a new type of computer virus!" "Delivered right to your inbox! *sniggersnigger*"

Apparently I'm not the only person to have seen that, because the website doesn't have that button any more. >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 30, 2013, 10:04:27 PM
I am taking online lessons in Spanish through a website. I had multiple years of Spanish in HS, but that was *mumblemumble* years ago. So I'm starting from the beginning both as a refresher and because I have forgotten so much.

The lessons I'm currently working on is food. This includes the Spanish word huevos, or eggs. The problem is that I am well aware that huevos is also slang for a man's testicles. In fact, my Spanish teacher in HS made a point of teaching us alternate ways of saying ordering eggs because it could be a problem in some countries. I completely failed one of the modules on food -twice!- because I was laughing so hard at the various sentences about men and women eating, well, huevos.

I know they mean eggs. I know they do. But to my still 12 year old mind, it sound so wrong.

Well, there's always Rocky Mountain Oysters that are a bull's "huevos" :)

On Christmas we had seated ourselves for the traditional post-dinner and presents spade game and as always MIL set out the honey roasted peanuts and peanut M&Ms.  Now, these games are not taken seriously and the enjoyment really comes from busting each other's chops and being silly more than any actual winning.   Which is a good thing cause I lose every blasted time. I stink at spades but it's so much fun playing with these people.

Especially when we got to giggling so hard we were about in tears when we started in on the nut jokes. I think it started when my 11 year old (observing, not playing) got up and then sat back down and noticed that the honey roasted nuts were now near MIL.  He said "Heeey...where's my nuts".

It went downhill from there on.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Tashigi on January 01, 2014, 12:53:57 AM
Necessary background: My younger cousin and I are avid bakers. I have also said at one point (or several), "Becoming an adult doesn't meaning growing out of toys. The toys just get bigger and/or more expensive."

She was flipping through a department store ad and pointed to a sale on Kitchenaid mixers. "Oh look, they're having a sale on our favorite adult toy!" she said in complete innocence.

It took a lot not to laugh.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: mmswm on January 09, 2014, 10:40:35 PM
One of the other forums I read and post at is a site for truck drivers.  Recently there's been a lot of weather related discussions due to the interesting weather across the country.  In the middle of one of these discussions, one of the guys says:

"I'd rather have 19 and dry than 30 and sloppy any day".

Ummm, yeah.  We've been busting his chops over that one all day now.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 29, 2014, 07:44:40 PM
Heard from the other room:

"Ohhhh YEAH!! OHHH that feels GOOD! Awww YEAH!! OOH YES! AWWWWWWWWW yeahhhhhhhh!"

The source? My middle child (11).  The reason? Oldest child (nearly 13) had Littlest Pirate walking on Middle Pirate's back as he laid on the floor.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: mmswm on April 13, 2014, 09:30:22 PM
Talking about my dog and the fact that he barks at everybody who comes to the house with a "Hi, I'm the big dog in charge, so don't mess with my family" tone, and the fact that I have one male friend who he never barked at.

My 11 year old pipes up, "Well maybe Baxter smelled <friend> on you before so he recognized him the first time he met him."

This would be totally innocent on his part, especially considering he was unaware that <friend> and I haven't always had a purely platonic friendship.  A different friend was in the kitchen at the time and just looked at me and we both busted out laughing.  My child could not figure out what was so funny.  We didn't enlighten him.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Esther_bunny on October 11, 2014, 03:49:18 AM
Me (female) too a fellow cosmetology student (male) while I was washing his hair: You want me to blow you?
 ( meaning blow dry his hair)

Didnt even phase us for a few seconds.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: mmswm on August 26, 2015, 01:16:57 AM
Wow, it's been a long time since anybody's posted on this thread, but I have one that's perfect for it, so I'll revive it.

Currently I have a whole bunch of tabs open in my browser so of course the entire title of the tabs aren't showing.  Several of the tabs are for three blog posts, one each by a doctor, a lawyer and a statistician, all reviewing the same book.  The book is about two specific people and their actions.  I'm leaving out as many details as possible because I don't want to start a debate.  What I can't leave out is the name of one of the subjects of the book; a man named BJ Hooker.

So, the part of the title that's currently showing on that tab?  BJ Hooker and Will...

That first guy really does have an unfortunate name.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Gladly on September 23, 2015, 09:10:36 AM
On a camping trip with DH.  It's dark, about 10.30pm and the whole campsite is now quiet.

DH: I can't get in.
Me: What?
DH: I can't get in properly
(pause)
Me: Does that help?
DH: No
ME: What about that?
DH:  Yes, Yes! Keep doing that! Oh! That feels so much better!
After another pause, we both collapse in giggles, realising how voices carry on a camp site, and what we have just been saying.

Those with pure minds may well have realised he was having trouble getting into his new sleeping bag!   >:D
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: AliciaLynette on April 22, 2016, 03:55:39 PM
Something that never fails to cause giggles from a group of my friends, and odd looks from others in the pub overhearing us:

Male friend, to me: May I stick my plug in your socket?



Context: We're all techy geeks, who instead of sitting at home on our computers meet in the pub twice a month (two separate pubs/groups although most of the members are the same).  I am not as techy as the others, but I usually supply the four-way power strip to plug into the wall therefore they ask me if it's ok to use it!  5 or so young men, asking if they can stick their plugs into a fairly busty girl's socket!! 
Of course, being all fairly dirty-minded individuals, this is not the only time we dress up phrases to sound dirty, almost everything we say is usually construed to be naughty!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: dawnfire on April 25, 2016, 03:48:57 AM
 This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Marga on April 25, 2016, 05:10:41 AM
This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Harriet Jones on April 25, 2016, 05:51:46 AM
This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.

I'm fairly certain it's not innocent.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: greencat on April 25, 2016, 12:33:01 PM
This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.

I'm fairly certain it's not innocent.

It's definitely a joke.  I own a copy!  I don't have kids, and I would never read a child this book.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: jpcher on April 25, 2016, 05:04:10 PM
This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.

I'm fairly certain it's not innocent.

It's definitely a joke.  I own a copy!  I don't have kids, and I would never read a child this book.

Curious -- what's the publication date?
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: greencat on April 25, 2016, 05:31:37 PM
This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.

I'm fairly certain it's not innocent.

It's definitely a joke.  I own a copy!  I don't have kids, and I would never read a child this book.

Curious -- what's the publication date?

The original run was April 2014.  I kickstarted a second print run last year.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Gladly on May 17, 2016, 10:08:44 AM
I can't remember if I've posted this before. 

Male friend:  Guess what?
Me: What?
MF: I'm getting a new organ!
Me: Is it a plug in organ or a pump up organ?

In my defence, I was very tired that evening, but I could have phrased the question better!
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Esther_bunny on February 16, 2017, 07:40:52 PM
Wow, it's been a long time since anybody's posted on this thread, but I have one that's perfect for it, so I'll revive it.

Currently I have a whole bunch of tabs open in my browser so of course the entire title of the tabs aren't showing.  Several of the tabs are for three blog posts, one each by a doctor, a lawyer and a statistician, all reviewing the same book.  The book is about two specific people and their actions.  I'm leaving out as many details as possible because I don't want to start a debate.  What I can't leave out is the name of one of the subjects of the book; a man named BJ Hooker.

So, the part of the title that's currently showing on that tab?  BJ Hooker and Will...

That first guy really does have an unfortunate name.

When I worked at a bookstore over 20 years ago, an author named Ben Dover was doing a reading.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on March 17, 2017, 07:04:27 PM
Oh dear Lord, I'm not even sure why I just remembered this, but it definitely fits in this category.

During one of my hospital stays, my friend came to visit me. Now, she, my DF and I are all diabetics. I was getting my blood tested my a very sweet young man. My friend starts talking about the blood test pokers. How the ones in the hospital don't seem to hurt as bad as the pokers for our home blood monitors. I am trying to behave myself, because I went into 13 y/o boy mode, because that's what happens to my brain. She finally says to me, do you like his little poker? I said, I don't know, I've never seen his little poker. Cue raucous immature laughter from all of us, me apologizing to my blood tester, who said not to worry about it, because it was funny.

My friend says to my, "Only you."

I said, "It's not my fault, you started it."
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: jayhawk on April 04, 2017, 01:25:54 PM
I had lunch Saturday in downtown Kansas City, Missouri at John's Big Deck, a nice little bar and grill. Unfortunately, it was too chilly to see said big Deck. Maybe when it's warmer.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on April 04, 2017, 03:50:56 PM
I had lunch Saturday in downtown Kansas City, Missouri at John's Big Deck, a nice little bar and grill. Unfortunately, it was too chilly to see said big Deck. Maybe when it's warmer.

It's not as impressive when it's cold anyway.
Title: Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
Post by: Writer of Wrongs on September 19, 2017, 08:48:03 AM
I thought of this thread Saturday.

Bowling alley. DH picked up a ball, hefted it in his hand, then returned to the rack, saying, "I need one with bigger holes."

Cue me giggling madly and muttering "said no man ever." He rolled his eyes at me - but he laughed.