Etiquette Hell

Hostesses With The Mostest => Entertaining and Hospitality => Topic started by: sammycat on February 17, 2007, 11:25:10 PM

Title: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: sammycat on February 17, 2007, 11:25:10 PM
The recent thread about the in-laws not having enough food for extra guests reminded me of the times where I have been someone's invited guest and there hasn't been enough - or any -food.

10 years ago DH and drove 45 minutes to attend an engagement party for some friends' of ours (engagement parties are a big deal in Australia, probably more common than a bridal shower).  We arrived at 6pm assuming that we would be fed a decent sized meal/buffett or plenty of finger food.  There were about 60-70 guests there, spread out at various tables.  Some tables had bowls of potato chips, crackers and dips, others did not.  About 90 minutes after our arrival a few trays of party pies and sausage rolls were brought around.  We only took a few, assuming that as more food would be coming later we didn't want to spoil our appetites.  Nope, that was it.  Aside from the engagement cake, the only food that was served to 70 guests all night was a few bowls of chips and a couple of trays of finger food.  We stopped at McDonald's on the way home.

I've also noticed lately that when I go to visit someone's house I'm often offered nothing more than a glass of water (I don't drink tea or coffee).  If it wasn't for the food I took with me to share (a cake or muffins etc), then there would be nothing to eat.  These people know I'm coming as they have issued the invitation, so I'm puzzled as to why this happens.  When I issue an invitation I always ensure there is plenty to eat and drink as I can't imagine having someone sitting in my house for 4 hours with only one drink of water (or tea or coffee).  I'm not expecting a 3 course sit down meal every (any!) time, but how hard can it be to at least offer a piece of cake, or to put out a plate of biscuits?

Am I being too picky, or has entertaining gone by the wayside these days?

Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Veronica on February 17, 2007, 11:30:41 PM
It's not you.  I've noticed this too.  IMHO if you invite someone to a party that is being hosted between 5-7 pm and dinner is not included you should state that clearly on the invite. 
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Chocolate Cake on February 18, 2007, 01:52:17 PM
Also, I think a lot of people were never taught how to "receive" guests.    It used to be a very formal process, with lots of guidelines and clearly understood expectations (on both the part of the hostess and the part of the guest).  However, because this kind of activity is not so common anymore, people don't think through what is needed for their visitor's comfort.    Common sense should prevail, but many people don't have much of that these days.  The only thing a guest can do is cut short their visit when it becomes clear that the host is less than hospitable.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: MadMadge43 on February 18, 2007, 02:03:12 PM
Oh my, I wouldn't even know what to do. I don't think I've ever not been fed in my life. Sometimes I've been fed horrible awful food I have gulp down as not to taste it, but never been left starving.

I might cut my visit short and go get something to eat.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: JeanFromBNA on February 25, 2007, 12:30:22 PM
We went to a 6 PM wedding last year, and at the reception were served crackers, cheese, pickles, bottled water, champagne, and wedding cake. The wedding program instructed guests to "fill their plates and enjoy the festivities."  Guests were streaming out of the place by 9 PM to fill their plates elsewhere.

A few years ago, we were at a wedding reception that ran out of appetizers and punch for the many guests about an hour into the reception.

At a different reception, an hour and a half after the ceremony, the B & G were milling around the church hall, greeting guests, but we had no idea what was going on as food and drink were not served.  We heard that the reception for the families was taking place elsewhere.

I later discovered that these events had amateur wedding coordinators and caterers giving poor advice.  Vendors that had no business taking on the jobs.

IMO, food is the backbone of hospitality.  People are not accustomed to issuing invitations and the obligations of a host, and bad, self-serving advice is everywhere.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Lisbeth on February 25, 2007, 12:42:50 PM
Often, people try to cut corners in the wrong areas because they don't know how to properly entertain-it's something they've heard about but never experienced.  (I think this might account for some of the "entitlement" issues that 'zillas come up with-they've heard of them but due to lack of personal experience don't know how the rules really apply.)

Unfortunately, because people feel obligated to hold big parties to satisfy their families and friends, they end up inviting people whom they then can't afford to entertain because there are just too many people and too many costs for them to do it well.

It's been suggested that one should draw up one's guest list first and then cut costs, but sometimes it seems like you can't do it well-your family or co-workers put pressure on you to invite everyone, including permanent partners, and there's no way to cut the guest list without unpleasant repercussions, so all you can afford to feed them are water and mints.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Evil Duckie on February 25, 2007, 03:30:27 PM
I am seeing this more and more.

I think that people are not only trying to save money by having less food.

The new trend is also showing that you are not contributing to world hunger and other problems by not being wasteful. I have heard from several people that having leftover food was rude because you are being wasteful, even if you use the extra food later.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Venus193 on February 25, 2007, 05:37:39 PM
How does this excuse sound:  Thinking that the enjoyment of food is declasse and that superior people don't need to eat in social situations.  I've known a few people who didn't have food for guests for this reason.

Of course, that could also have been a smokescreen for miserlyness.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Twik on February 25, 2007, 06:34:48 PM
I am seeing this more and more.

I think that people are not only trying to save money by having less food.

The new trend is also showing that you are not contributing to world hunger and other problems by not being wasteful. I have heard from several people that having leftover food was rude because you are being wasteful, even if you use the extra food later.
But they ARE contributing to world hunger! Their guests are going hungry!

In any event, it's a ridiculous notion. The world grows enough food to feed everyone - poverty, distribution problems, and sometimes deliberate policies on behalf of governments that use food as a way of controlling rebellious areas, cause world hunger. Having leftovers after a party does not.

They would be better off skipping the party altogether, and avoid having their guests drive to see them, so that they don't contribute to global warming.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: supernova on February 26, 2007, 04:07:55 AM
Eeesh.

I will happily and proudly wear the label "trashy" or "low class" if it means that I can still entertain my guests with a table groaning from the weight of all the food.   ;D  They can call me anything they like, as long as they take thirds... 

Seriously, though...  I think it's really rude to not feed one's guests.  I'd sooner not have company than not be able to feed them.

     - saphie
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Venus193 on February 26, 2007, 07:48:40 AM
Eeesh.

I will happily and proudly wear the label "trashy" or "low class" if it means that I can still entertain my guests with a table groaning from the weight of all the food.   ;D 

My late mother was always afraid of not having enough food on those few occasions she entertained.  "If there are no leftovers, there wasn't enough," was the thinking.  She never insisted on people having third helpings, but wanted to make sure there was enough food.  She grew up in Europe during the depression when one was lucky to get a pound of meat per WEEK for a family.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: kingsrings on February 26, 2007, 11:06:30 AM
Fortunately, the majority of my social circle is not like this, and there is always more than enough food at our parties. In fact, there is always a ready supply of paper plates and aluminum foil so that people can take leftovers home afterwards! But I do have this problem of not enough food when I visit my father and stepmother. When I have politely questioned the lack of enough food, they just tell me that they don't understand, because the amount of food they have is always enough for them and they're never hungry. Sometimes when I have arrived at their house at night (they live across the country, so I fly) after having no dinner, their offer of food is a sandwich and soup! Finally I put my foot down one time and politely but firmly told them that that was not a sufficient dinner, and could we please stop at the nearest fast-food restaurant so I could purchase my own meal. Then they finally got what I was saying and served me a real dinner when we arrived at their house. What they need to realize and so does everyone else hosting others is that different people have different appetite sizes. Just because my dad and stepmom eat like birds doesn't mean that everyone visiting them do as well, and so hospitality-wise, they should be prepared with more food. It is far more worse to end up with too much food at the end of the night than having your guests leave hungry and then having a bad impression of your hospitality.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Harriet Jones on February 26, 2007, 11:52:11 AM
What they need to realize and so does everyone else hosting others is that different people have different appetite sizes. Just because my dad and stepmom eat like birds doesn't mean that everyone visiting them do as well, and so hospitality-wise, they should be prepared with more food. It is far more worse to end up with too much food at the end of the night than having your guests leave hungry and then having a bad impression of your hospitality.

I have this problem sometimes at my IL's, too, especially if there's a larger than usual gathering.  There'll barely be enough for one small serving for everyone. 
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Sophia on February 26, 2007, 12:28:44 PM
I have never seen that at a party.  But, I have seen where people invite a couple of guests over for dinner, but do not put out any more food than for just the two of them.  Actually, I have only seen that with older people.  I don't know why.  I don't eat an abnormal amount.  1/2 to 2/3 of a restaurant meal is usually perfect. 


Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: VorFemme on February 26, 2007, 01:04:46 PM
I have never seen that at a party.  But, I have seen where people invite a couple of guests over for dinner, but do not put out any more food than for just the two of them.  Actually, I have only seen that with older people.  I don't know why.  I don't eat an abnormal amount.  1/2 to 2/3 of a restaurant meal is usually perfect. 

Due to slowing metabolisms, older people may have to cut back the amount of food that they eat to avoid gaining (substantial) amounts of weight.  Or their appetite may have naturally declined since their taste buds and sense of smell have declined (especially bad if they've smoked tobacco).

So - what they "see" when they look at an amount of food is how many servings they would get out of it.  Without realizing/remembering that the teenaged boys in the family could wolf the entire "four to six servings" down in one meal and ask for dessert........

Or that someone with diabetes, low blood sugar, or other medical conditions might find the "servings" acceptable but need to eat AGAIN in three hours - five or six times a day - not just three meals.  (I represent that remark.)

It depends on the age, gender, appetites, activity levels, and medical conditions of the "guest".

I would swear that having food left over is easier in the long run than running out of food - as microwaves are in many homes and simplify fixing a snack or small meal later if someone else shows up hungry.  But I grew up with grandmothers who went by the "is the table and part of the kitchen counter completely covered except for barely enough space to sit and eat?" method of determining "enough".

We had to eat at least half and maybe two-thirds of the food for it to fit back into the fridge after the meal was over.  More cans or frozen food would be prepared to eke out the meager remains for the next meal..............(ha, ha, ha).  Or the leftover meats would be sliced and bread, cheese, tomato slices, onion slices, pickles, and lettuce would be left out with condiments for a "light meal" of sandwiches...........usually sandwiches which Blondie's Dagwood would have envied in their towering approach to battling hunger.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Sophia on February 26, 2007, 02:08:12 PM
There have been two occasions where I underserved two dishes (but not overall).  Once, I had just started to like this particular vegetable.  I took what my serving would be and multiplied by X people.  My serving was smaller than most peoples.  One other time I was serving Ice Cream.  I had many people over, but a carton of Ice Cream always seemed bottomless until a boyfriend got at it.  Fortunately, my mother and roommate had been too busy chatting to eat, so I was able to pull back the bowls they had been served and redistribute. 

I do remember as a teenager once abandoning the only take 1/X serving size.  I think it was at a friend's grandparents house.  I had gone hungry several times before.  I seem to remember they did bring more food out that day. 
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: ginlyn32 on February 26, 2007, 02:08:30 PM
Totally not you.

When I go to my IL's, I have to either bring my own drink or ask for one, because I know I will not be offered one. We dropped by once when the kids were tiny and my MIL and SIL and her two spawns were eating watermelon, a favorite treat of my kids. We were not offered on bite. And my oldest, who was about 3 asked for some only to get yelled at by my MIL.

I was part of a MOPS group and the leader told us not to worry about making anything to bring once, she was going to make biscuits and gravy and a bunch of other stuff. I decided at the last minute to make some drop danishes (recipe from Bisquick). If I had not done that, there would have been nothing for anyone to eat. The leaders excuse? She forgot!

Ofcourse, while my grandma was alive, you could not go to her house without eating. She would always have a pot of coffee on and some sort of snack availible, even if it was just store bought cookies. I still remember her peanut butter fudge....CRUD MONKEYS!!! *DROLLS* She would invite you to stay for dinner to if you dropped by before dinnertime.

Ginger
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: kingsrings on February 26, 2007, 03:03:54 PM
ginlyn32-a similar thing sometimes happens at the weekly Bible study I've been attending for a while. We have a sign-up list for people to volunteer to bring refreshments to each study session. A lot of us don't have the time to eat dinner beforehand, so having food there is vitally important because we're starving by that time. So when someone forgets that is what their week to bring something, aarrgghh!! I've had to leave early a couple of times when that has happened because I've been so hungry I couldn't stand it anymore. Fortunately now people seem to feel the same way I did because now the people who sign up get reminder calls to bring the food the night before. 
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Evil Duckie on February 26, 2007, 04:03:10 PM
.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: kingsrings on February 26, 2007, 04:05:06 PM
I wonder how many of these 'food resourcers' would be willing to give up THEIR portion of the food item to someone else when there is not enough to go around because of their 'resourcing'.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: sammycat on February 26, 2007, 04:07:07 PM
I'm glad to see to see that I'm not alone in experiencing this phenomenon, but sad too, that it is so commonplace.

Since my OP I've realised that this situation mainly arises during playdates with parents from my children's school and thankfully very rarely during get togethers with my usual circle of friends/family. It's probably just a coincidence that it happens with people from the same school but I still have to wonder how people can invite someone over and then not be prepared to offer them a single morsel to eat.  

On the flipside, I went to another engagement party on the weekend and the tables were absolutely staggering with the amount of food provided. Despite there being 60+ guests there was still heaps of food left over. ;D

Not sure whether this is a coincidence or whether it was poor planning on the part of the venue/couple, or greed on the part of the guests.  A year after attending the engagement party mentioned in the OP, we attended the wedding of the same couple. at a very ritzy and expensive gold club.  The food was buffet style and the tables went up in groups of three to be served. We were table 4 and watched as tables 1,2 and 3 went up for the main course and came back with plates piled high.  By the time tables 4,5 and 6 got there we were restricted in the amounts we could take as there wasn't much food left.  For tables 7, 8 and 9 more food was brought out.  At dessert time tables 7, 8, and 9 went first, piled their plates high and, again tables 4, 5 and 6 were restricted.  For tables 1,2 and 3 more food was brought out.  I was 3 months pregnant and starving, and again, we had to stop at McDonalds on the way home.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: orsuela on February 26, 2007, 05:09:52 PM
Thank God I'm not the only one who thinks she should be fed at a party!  In our small group of friends one male friend's new wife invited everyone for a grill-out and stated on the email invites that we were to bring our own: beverage, meat to grill, dish to pass, and our own cups, plates and silver wear!!!!!!  I stopped at a store on my way there and bought extra disposable dishes, a huge cake, and extra meat to bring along with my side dishes.  Why the heck are you having people over if you can't even allow them to touch your glasses???  Of course she didn't get it when I came in with all of that.  She's the same one who brings canned corn to pot lucks as her main dish, and the woman can cook!  Of COURSE she helps herself to the other great homemade dishes and never touches her corn, that's for the people who come late--right??)  I completely understand having a potluck if everyone agrees, but bring your own plates and silverwear???  Again, why volunteer your house??!!
Wow, venting feels good... >:D
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: ginlyn32 on February 26, 2007, 05:25:54 PM
I can understand asking people to bring their own paperplates and plasticwear if it is to be a large picnic-type gathering. That is how it was usually done at the church I used to go to.

The church would provide the meat and we had a sign up sheet for all the side dishes. They emphasized that you should bring a LARGE amount of food. This church had over 300 people attending and many times people would bring relatives who didn't belong to the church to the picnics.

What I always wished they would have done is not put all the food out at once because if you were one of the last to go through, sometimes there would not be much food left.

I also wish people would handle their own children. I saw many kids getting seconds and thirds when not everyone had been through the line yet. I would not allow my kids to get their own food either. They got a small amount and had to clean their plate before going back for more food or dessert.

I think that at a party the host should be willing to shoulder some costs otherwise don't offer to host the event!

Ginger
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Sophia on February 26, 2007, 05:45:45 PM
... and how leftovers were one of the leading ways we are using up the earth's resources.

I know I shouldn't be, but I find that shocking.  Doesn't this person realize that leftovers are the world's best convenience food, and a sign that God loves us? 

Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Shoo on February 26, 2007, 05:58:36 PM
When I go to my IL's, I have to either bring my own drink or ask for one, because I know I will not be offered one. We dropped by once when the kids were tiny and my MIL and SIL and her two spawns were eating watermelon, a favorite treat of my kids. We were not offered on bite. And my oldest, who was about 3 asked for some only to get yelled at by my MIL.

What???  She denied a 3 year old a piece of watermelon?  And she got yelled at for asking?  Unbelievable.

Does this MIL have mental problems?
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Mammavan on February 28, 2007, 03:39:46 PM
My thought process for determining how much food to make seems to be to think that all the food will turn out to be terrible except one dish, which will be the only one that people will eat, and so there needs to be enough of that one dish to feed everyone.  Of course, you don't know which dish that will be so you have to make that much of every dish.  Yes, we have a lot of leftovers.

Last fall we were invited to a relative's surprise bday party by her husband.  He asked that everyone bring a dish to share in lieu of a gift.  (Yes, he's completely etiquette-challenged, and that's one of his better attributes.)  He told us not to bring anything since we had a 400-mile drive that day but maybe bring a cooler for leftovers since there were bound to be so many because her friends really got into this pot luck thing.  Of course, I ignored this and brought a huge (Costco-sized) veggie tray, spiral ham, rolls and cream puffs.  He provided paper goods and some bottled water.  Nothing else.  People walked in with a bag of Doritos and a plate of dip - six times.  Twelve stuffed mushrooms.  A half-bowl of pasta salad.  There was no meat other than the ham.  And entire families came, with children and teenagers.  Another relative and I made an emergency food/drink run about 3/4 of the way through the day. 

And to top it off, they are members of a group that takes turns meeting once a month for dinner at each other's house.  He invited that group for the evening and counted it as his turn!  Using our food!

We love his wife or else he would have been murdered long ago.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: blarg314 on February 28, 2007, 11:22:01 PM

I think the worst is when you are visiting someone for a couple of days, and you don't get enough to eat.

I used to visit my grandparents when they were living in a retirement apartment. Lunch was at noon, precisely.  Dinner was at five, precisely, and included dessert, so all the eating was over by 5:30 pm. The portions were an okay size, but I was a night owl who would typically have lunch at 3pm and dinner at 10 pm.  By nine at night, I was starving!
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Jaywalker on February 28, 2007, 11:46:13 PM
my mother tells of the first meal she was served by her FIL and GMIL to welcome her to the family.  For four including two young healthy 20 somethings - my mother and father -- they served a tiny hamburger patty (she estimates they were an eighth of a pound each), half a small potato, half a carrot from the garden.  my parents were so hungry that they took a walk after dinner so they could go to a dinner and get hamburgers and milkshakes to fill up
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Weez on March 01, 2007, 02:08:21 PM
I'm another one who always provides far too much food for guests.  It never goes to waste as DH and I can always have it for lunch/dinner the next day.  I also don't see how having too much food at a party can contribute to world hunger.  I'm a supporter of certain charities who do a lot of anti-poverty / anti-world hunger campaigning and none of them have ever suggested anything like that.  It sounds suspiciously like hosts attempting to cover cost-cutting by appearing to support a worthy cause.

I know I've inherited my attitude to party catering from my mother who, in turn, inherited it from my Gran.  My Gran lived on a farm for a lot of her life, so she was used to catering for big, hungry farm-men.  This would be pre-mechanisation, so the men were doing a lot of hard work and expected a big lunch and a big dinner.  Gran never did revise her portion sizes, even when most of the family no longer worked in demanding, manual labour jobs.  Plus, us grand-kids were always "growing boys/girls", so we usually got seconds and thirds.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Gwywnnydd on March 01, 2007, 04:44:22 PM
I'm another one who always provides far too much food for guests.  It never goes to waste as DH and I can always have it for lunch/dinner the next day.  I also don't see how having too much food at a party can contribute to world hunger.  I'm a supporter of certain charities who do a lot of anti-poverty / anti-world hunger campaigning and none of them have ever suggested anything like that.  It sounds suspiciously like hosts attempting to cover cost-cutting by appearing to support a worthy cause.

I know I've inherited my attitude to party catering from my mother who, in turn, inherited it from my Gran.  My Gran lived on a farm for a lot of her life, so she was used to catering for big, hungry farm-men.  This would be pre-mechanisation, so the men were doing a lot of hard work and expected a big lunch and a big dinner.  Gran never did revise her portion sizes, even when most of the family no longer worked in demanding, manual labour jobs.  Plus, us grand-kids were always "growing boys/girls", so we usually got seconds and thirds.

Hah! I was discussing with a friend of mine, that my DH appears to be genetically incapable of cooking for less than 6 people. She mentioned that she had been taught how to cook by her mother, who had been taught to cook by *her* mother (one of 12 kids), who had been taught by *her* mother (one of 15 kids, along with farm hands). So, starting back and moving forward: Great Great Grandma was cooking for 27 people. She taught her daughters, one of whom managed to trim down enough to cook for only 14 people,  Great Grandma taught her daughter who managed to trim down to only cooking for 10 people, etc. My friend felt that in another generation they'd be down to cooking for a family that represented their own, as she was one of two kids and her mom had been one of three :).

My Dh is the youngest of 6 kids, three were boys. He was taught to cook by a Mom who was used to cooking for multiple teen boys. Now, we have my DH's older boys (15 and 16), and my DH (who is not a small man).

I'm occasionally bemused that my entire maternal side of the family is outnumbered by my DH and his siblings.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: ginlyn32 on March 09, 2007, 07:31:53 PM
comment deleted by poster
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: freakyfemme on March 12, 2007, 12:39:49 AM
It's rude if it's intentional, but sometimes the problem is, you just don't know who's coming.  That's why I hate buying food for post-recital receptions, for one thing--they're open events, which means the whole world could show up, or just your profs and your two or three best friends (slight exaggeration there, but still).  I imagine other events are the same.....a "family" barbecue, for example, could translate into Cousin Murgatroid bringing his new girlfriend, or Uncle Mack bringing his whole bowling team, so all of a sudden, if you'd planned on, say, twenty people coming, and you purchased forty hot dogs.......you can see how a larger-than-expected turnout can lead to problems.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Lunadiana75 on March 12, 2007, 07:44:12 AM
I'm notorious for "cooking for an army", it's a running joke amongst my friends.  I amile and say that I get out of cooking for several days while I live on leftovers.  Heck even when I have evening gathering, I put out a huge spread of snack foods  along with the drinks.  I can'timagaine not serving food and drink to someone I've invited into my home.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: HogwartsAlum on March 12, 2007, 03:38:19 PM
I always starve to death at my mom's house, except for the actual holiday dinner that I go there for.  Afterwards, my brother's wife and relatives take home a lot of food.  There are usually leftovers, but I don't always want to eat something for lunch that I gorged on the night before!

I just bring snacks with me or we go up to the grocery store not far from her house.  I buy my own milk, because I drink a lot of it, and some fancy crackers and cheese to munch that I don't usually get at home. 

I freeze to death at her house too.  So I bought some grown-up footie pajamas at WalMart.
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Gyro Widget on March 13, 2007, 10:11:36 AM
Also, I think a lot of people were never taught how to "receive" guests.    It used to be a very formal process, with lots of guidelines and clearly understood expectations (on both the part of the hostess and the part of the guest).  However, because this kind of activity is not so common anymore, people don't think through what is needed for their visitor's comfort.    Common sense should prevail, but many people don't have much of that these days.  The only thing a guest can do is cut short their visit when it becomes clear that the host is less than hospitable.



I had one friend that once invited guests to his home, offered us something to drink, then proceed to eat a snack himself while not offering a thing.  Sooo tacky. 

I've noticed that this is a growing trend as well, people are just not learning the basics of hostessing.... or at the very least, they think that all they should do is provide multiple bottles of beer for their guests without a single morsel of food.  When I was a young girl, I was taught how to quickly make a fancy looking cheese tray for those unexpected guests, or how to judge the amount of finger foods needed for a small planned gathering.  In Newfoundland, everything is centered around eating and welcoming people into your home and you quickly learn the value of having the freezer stocked with a variety of home-made cookies that freeze well and defrost quickly.. it is just so automatic now... thanks mom.  ;) 
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: Gyro Widget on March 13, 2007, 10:39:52 AM
Thank God I'm not the only one who thinks she should be fed at a party!  In our small group of friends one male friend's new wife invited everyone for a grill-out and stated on the email invites that we were to bring our own: beverage, meat to grill, dish to pass, and our own cups, plates and silver wear!!!!!!  I stopped at a store on my way there and bought extra disposable dishes, a huge cake, and extra meat to bring along with my side dishes.  Why the heck are you having people over if you can't even allow them to touch your glasses???  Of course she didn't get it when I came in with all of that.  She's the same one who brings canned corn to pot lucks as her main dish, and the woman can cook!  Of COURSE she helps herself to the other great homemade dishes and never touches her corn, that's for the people who come late--right??)  I completely understand having a potluck if everyone agrees, but bring your own plates and silverwear???  Again, why volunteer your house??!!
Wow, venting feels good... >:D

This woman needs to leave the college days behind.  While poor college students can get away with the whole "bring your own meat and side dish to share", it just reflects badly on a homeowner who is settled in life.  Time to grow up, I think.  Someone mentioned on this forum not long ago that the growing trend appears to be that many people do not believe in entertaining for the sake of being generous anymore.  Its as if they feel entitled to some sort of compensation. 
Title: Re: More Lack of Food for Your Guests
Post by: willow08 on March 13, 2007, 10:55:04 AM
ginlyn32- Not to belabor the point, but I'm having a hard time envisioning grandma yelling at 3yo for asking for watermelon.  What could she possibly say? (Not doubting the story, just your MIL's sanity.)

"How dare you ask for watermelon!? This is for my special grandchildren!"

I'm just... wow.