Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Etiquette Hell Classics => Topic started by: pryncsskittyn on February 27, 2007, 09:21:20 PM

Title: "Do you know how?"
Post by: pryncsskittyn on February 27, 2007, 09:21:20 PM
Not my story... but I laughed.  I'm still trying to figure out how this really breached ettiquette, it's just a pushy Mom being annoying I think.  It's funny though.  Wish I could have seen the hubby's face.


I e-mailed my mother-in-law to ask what *her* mother (who lives with my in-laws) would like for Christmas.

Her reply? "Great-grandchildren."

My husband (her only son) and I are 25 and 24. We've been married one year. We don't have health insurance. My husband is still in graduate school, for crying out loud!

But it gets better. I had a cold, and hubby mentioned to his mother that I was "ill." Their conversation follows:

"Is she pregnant?"

"No, she has a cold."

"Do you know how?"

"How what?"

"How to get her pregnant!"

Relatives0117-06
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Harriet Jones on February 27, 2007, 09:35:07 PM
Quote
"Do you know how?"

"How what?"

"How to get her pregnant!"

"Maybe you could come show us, Mom!  I don't think we're doing it right."  >:D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: smarterthanu213 on February 27, 2007, 10:06:43 PM
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. My grandma has been asking me since I was 15 when I was going to give her great-grandbabies...and of course I'm expected to be married before I do... ???

"Well, MIL, honestly we haven't figured out how to have sex yet."

 >:D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: megswsu on February 27, 2007, 10:30:00 PM
Yes, parents just LOVE to know when they'll get their grandbabies. We get comments from my stepmom every so often, like when she and my dad were out and she saw something the 'baby' could use. My dad of course had to remind her that, no dear, there are no grandbabies right now!  ;D

The best came from my younger bro recently. He informed us, "I'm ready to be an uncle now." I about peed my pants and told him we'd get right on it then.  >:D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: TheDisappeared on February 27, 2007, 10:40:38 PM
My MIL has made comments like this.  I have a weak stomach and get sick often.  Everytime I have an upset stomach she asks DH "Is she preg?"  The answer is ALWAYS no, then she has the nerve to ask "Are you trying correctly?"  I didn't know there was an incorrect way.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: supernova on February 28, 2007, 01:08:08 AM
"Oh, but enough about MY sex life; let's talk about yours!"   >:D

"Well Mom, I was actually wondering about that...  did you and Dad use square knots or bowlines in the ropes?"

"Sure, we've been lighting candles and praying in both our bedrooms every night!"

{dragging EvilSaphie back into her corner now}

     - saphie

Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: VorFemme on February 28, 2007, 07:57:49 AM
Pedagogue VorFemme looks over her Ben Franklin styled glasses and muses on the stories she has come across about couples who WEREN'T trying correctly..........including one rather startling one about a doctor cutting her hymen and showing the bride where "things went" as her groom had been off the mark. 

When she went in to complain about pain after over a week - the exam showed that her urethra had been mistaken by her groom for where he was supposed to be aiming.  I don't know whether or not her hymen was THAT tough or her groom was THAT inept............but I cringed when I heard the story.  It supposedly was reported medical literature as a reason to support of sex education - if only in premarital counselling.............and the person who told me about it was one that I trusted to be accurate rather than making changes to "improve" the story.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: ZipTheWonder on February 28, 2007, 08:46:53 AM
My husband's brother is 10 years older, and they have five siblings in between them.  When my husband was born, my brother-in-law said to his mother "If you know what causes this, why don't you JUST STOP DOING IT??"  They either did just that...or did something else, because my husband was the last.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Elfqueen13 on February 28, 2007, 09:07:11 AM
Pedagogue VorFemme looks over her Ben Franklin styled glasses and muses on the stories she has come across about couples who WEREN'T trying correctly..........including one rather startling one about a doctor cutting her hymen and showing the bride where "things went" as her groom had been off the mark. 

When she went in to complain about pain after over a week - the exam showed that her urethra had been mistaken by her groom for where he was supposed to be aiming.  I don't know whether or not her hymen was THAT tough or her groom was THAT inept............but I cringed when I heard the story.  It supposedly was reported medical literature as a reason to support of sex education - if only in premarital counselling.............and the person who told me about it was one that I trusted to be accurate rather than making changes to "improve" the story.

I heard that same story many years ago; I read it in a book intended to give teens the "basics" of sexuality ca. 1972.  (I was actually reading it in the mid-80's, it was written around 1972).
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: snowflake on February 28, 2007, 07:00:37 PM
My co-worker snorted when I read that to her.  (We are bad about swapping funny stories at work.)  She said, "Honey, I was married in 1957, no one had ever talked to me about sex, no one had ever talked to my husband about sex.  But you know, it doesn't take a whole lot of education to figure that one out!
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: JocelynCS on March 01, 2007, 01:08:44 PM
Yes, parents just LOVE to know when they'll get their grandbabies.

Tee hee!  My parents know that I have no intention of having children and have always been great about not demanding grandchildren.  (Doesn't matter much anyway, since my sister will almost certainly provide them, as she has wanted kids since she was little.)

However, Mum and Da make no bones about demanding grandkittens from me!  Sis already provided those, and I'll be getting around to it fairly soon!   ;)

We're a cat family, what can I say. 
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: caranfin on March 01, 2007, 03:25:32 PM
Not my story... but I laughed.  I'm still trying to figure out how this really breached ettiquette

Okay, the first one was here:
Quote
I e-mailed my mother-in-law to ask what *her* mother (who lives with my in-laws) would like for Christmas.

Her reply? "Great-grandchildren."

It's rude to try to stick your nose in someone else's reproductive decisions.

and here:

Quote
"Do you know how?"

"How what?"

"How to get her pregnant!"

That's just all kinds of inappropriate.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Squeaks on March 01, 2007, 03:41:27 PM
My MIL has made comments like this.  I have a weak stomach and get sick often.  Everytime I have an upset stomach she asks DH "Is she preg?"  The answer is ALWAYS no, then she has the nerve to ask "Are you trying correctly?"  I didn't know there was an incorrect way.


I think a good response would be "Ofcouse we are - we are smart adults so we are using condoms pills etc and look its working!" 
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: TheDisappeared on March 01, 2007, 07:56:25 PM
My MIL has made comments like this.  I have a weak stomach and get sick often.  Everytime I have an upset stomach she asks DH "Is she preg?"  The answer is ALWAYS no, then she has the nerve to ask "Are you trying correctly?"  I didn't know there was an incorrect way.


I think a good response would be "Ofcouse we are - we are smart adults so we are using condoms pills etc and look its working!" 

Lol!  We have sort of tried something like that, but she always says "But they have an error rate!  Are you sure shes not?"

We are sort of trying, but we don't want to tell her that.  I don't want to tell her until the baby is born, but I think she will catch on when I start showing up to church looking like a blimp.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: VorFemme on March 01, 2007, 08:30:39 PM
Pedagogue VorFemme looks over her Ben Franklin styled glasses and muses on the stories she has come across about couples who WEREN'T trying correctly..........including one rather startling one about a doctor cutting her hymen and showing the bride where "things went" as her groom had been off the mark. 

When she went in to complain about pain after over a week - the exam showed that her urethra had been mistaken by her groom for where he was supposed to be aiming.  I don't know whether or not her hymen was THAT tough or her groom was THAT inept............but I cringed when I heard the story.  It supposedly was reported medical literature as a reason to support of sex education - if only in premarital counselling.............and the person who told me about it was one that I trusted to be accurate rather than making changes to "improve" the story.

I heard that same story many years ago; I read it in a book intended to give teens the "basics" of sexuality ca. 1972.  (I was actually reading it in the mid-80's, it was written around 1972).

I probably read it when it was only a year or two off the presses - having bought it when my Dad the preacher wasn't around or heard about it in a class.  It has been so long since I heard the story that I no longer recall where & when I came into possession of the information.

During my graduate degree, there was a bit of information on psuedo-hermaphrodites.  The teacher mentioned that when HIS teacher was young (in the forties?), a couple came in for fertility testing.  The husband was a doctor.  The wife...........turned out to be male genetically and female in appearance due to being a hermaphrodite............the lack of all body hair (below the neck) SHOULD have been a clue to both the husband and the fertility counselor........as well as no menstruation................but.........it was a very different age in regard to sexual information.

But the syndrome was considered so RARE that no one realized that they had one in the room with them until the exam showed NO OVARIES.  They were told to adopt, as she was infertile.  I have no idea if the husband was told - since it was THAT long ago - it might have ended the marriage due to squicking everyone out if the information got out.

Now that sex reassignment surgery is so much more common AND the internet is available for searcing - I don't think that it would take nearly that long to "discover" that your "wife" is never going to get pregnant..........
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: hellgirl on March 01, 2007, 08:54:38 PM
I couldn't believe how my MIL's face dropped when we mentioned we were still using contraception (it was part of a legitimate converstation... with her neighbours of all things).

She is worried that she's 60 soon and not a Nana yet. I didn't think it was her clock that was meant to tick!

That same night her and her neighbour made jokes about getting us drunk (while fetching me another beer) and sneaking over to hide or sabotage the condoms. I think I said something about that being a heck of a story for the grandkids... "When did we decide to have you? Well, your Nana X got us drunk and hid the condoms, and 9 months later there you were! Ya feeling the love!?"
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: hobish on March 01, 2007, 09:07:53 PM

Thank goodness my mom has reached acceptance that neither i or either of my siblings are giving them grandkids any time soon. Now she refers to her grandlizard, grandcats, and the newest addition, the grandturtles.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: TheDisappeared on March 01, 2007, 09:37:51 PM

Thank goodness my mom has reached acceptance that neither i or either of my siblings are giving them grandkids any time soon. Now she refers to her grandlizard, grandcats, and the newest addition, the grandturtles.

My mom does this too.  She has a grandpuppy and a grandferret.  We are making her a shirt for her birthday with a picutre of them nose to nose.  SOOOO cute.  She knows she will get grandkids sooner or later, but she is actually hopeing for later, unlike MIL who was asking us when the baby was due the day after we got married.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: hobish on March 01, 2007, 11:50:23 PM

Thank goodness my mom has reached acceptance that neither i or either of my siblings are giving them grandkids any time soon. Now she refers to her grandlizard, grandcats, and the newest addition, the grandturtles.

My mom does this too.  She has a grandpuppy and a grandferret.  We are making her a shirt for her birthday with a picutre of them nose to nose.  SOOOO cute.  She knows she will get grandkids sooner or later, but she is actually hopeing for later, unlike MIL who was asking us when the baby was due the day after we got married.

THREADJACK AHEAD, SORT OF

How could i forget about the grandferrets!? We have 3, currently ... i am hoping to get 2 more. They are so abominably cute! I have been trying to get a good pic of the cat grooming one of them.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: TheDisappeared on March 02, 2007, 11:03:26 AM

THREADJACK AHEAD, SORT OF

How could i forget about the grandferrets!? We have 3, currently ... i am hoping to get 2 more. They are so abominably cute! I have been trying to get a good pic of the cat grooming one of them.

Ferrets make good grandbabies.  They act like two years olds and about have the mentality of one too.  Like my little boy who cried everytime we gave him a bath.  Or the little girl that throws a fit when I move her toys.  Or my other little boy (who we lost last year *sob) who could open doors if there was anything that allowed him to get close to the handle unless the doors were locked.  We ended up having to put locks on all doors in the house including his cage door.  If you say 'No' to them they give you a little thoughtful look then do it anyway lol.

Now if I could convence MIL that they do make good grandbabies, she might get off my back about giving her real ones lol. 
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Blurgle on March 02, 2007, 11:49:06 AM
My co-worker snorted when I read that to her.  (We are bad about swapping funny stories at work.)  She said, "Honey, I was married in 1957, no one had ever talked to me about sex, no one had ever talked to my husband about sex.  But you know, it doesn't take a whole lot of education to figure that one out!

Marie Stopes became a sex educator because her first marriage was such a disaster. She was a high honours SCIENCE graduate of Munich University, yet she didn't know when she got married that sex even existed! She went to the doctor a few years after marriage to find out why she hadn't had a child, and he told her she had to have sex. She had never heard of it. Her husband was impotent.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: hollasa on March 02, 2007, 12:11:47 PM
That same night her and her neighbour made jokes about getting us drunk (while fetching me another beer) and sneaking over to hide or sabotage the condoms. I think I said something about that being a heck of a story for the grandkids... "When did we decide to have you? Well, your Nana X got us drunk and hid the condoms, and 9 months later there you were! Ya feeling the love!?"

My late step-father-in-law told us a story about when he and his brother decided that their sister-in-law needed another baby. They snuck into her room, and poked holes in her diaphragm with some pins.

When he died, he wasn't on speaking terms with just about all of his family, but I'm not sure if that's specifically the reason...

I was always very careful about our birth control around him, after he told us that!
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: hobish on March 02, 2007, 01:42:25 PM
Quote from: hollasa link=topic=3308.msg59222#msg59222

My late step-father-in-law told us a story about when he and his brother decided that their sister-in-law needed another baby. They snuck into her room, and poked holes in her diaphragm with some pins.

When he died, he wasn't on speaking terms with just about all of his family, but I'm not sure if that's specifically the reason...

I was always very careful about our birth control around him, after he told us that!

Oh. I think my head just caved in. I have literally spent the last few seconds sitting here at my desk with my mouth hanging open. (http://smilies.vidahost.com/cwm/cwm/eek2.gif)

 That is like something from television.

Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Brentwood on March 02, 2007, 04:57:54 PM
That same night her and her neighbour made jokes about getting us drunk (while fetching me another beer) and sneaking over to hide or sabotage the condoms. I think I said something about that being a heck of a story for the grandkids... "When did we decide to have you? Well, your Nana X got us drunk and hid the condoms, and 9 months later there you were! Ya feeling the love!?"

My late step-father-in-law told us a story about when he and his brother decided that their sister-in-law needed another baby. They snuck into her room, and poked holes in her diaphragm with some pins.

When he died, he wasn't on speaking terms with just about all of his family, but I'm not sure if that's specifically the reason...

I was always very careful about our birth control around him, after he told us that!

As a side note, diaphragms can develop microscopic holes anyway, so when I used one many, many years ago, the doctor told me to fill it with water beforehand EVERY TIME to make sure there were no holes.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: kingsrings on March 02, 2007, 06:31:27 PM
My mother told me something that a friend of hers did to her daughter, who had been married a few years. She cut out a picture of a cute baby from a magazine, handed it to her daughter, and announced, "I want one of these". My mother and her friend both thought that this was hysterically funny. I thought it was very nervy, nosy, and intrusive, but mom didn't agree.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: hollasa on March 03, 2007, 10:18:06 AM
Quote from: hollasa link=topic=3308.msg59222#msg59222

My late step-father-in-law told us a story about when he and his brother decided that their sister-in-law needed another baby. They snuck into her room, and poked holes in her diaphragm with some pins.

When he died, he wasn't on speaking terms with just about all of his family, but I'm not sure if that's specifically the reason...

I was always very careful about our birth control around him, after he told us that!

Oh. I think my head just caved in. I have literally spent the last few seconds sitting here at my desk with my mouth hanging open. (http://smilies.vidahost.com/cwm/cwm/eek2.gif)

 That is like something from television.

What got me about the story when he told it, is that he said it with no sense of shame, or inappropriateness - it was more of a hey, what a good idea we had, weren't we the bright people, and it worked!
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Asharah on March 03, 2007, 02:44:52 PM
My co-worker snorted when I read that to her.  (We are bad about swapping funny stories at work.)  She said, "Honey, I was married in 1957, no one had ever talked to me about sex, no one had ever talked to my husband about sex.  But you know, it doesn't take a whole lot of education to figure that one out!

Marie Stopes became a sex educator because her first marriage was such a disaster. She was a high honours SCIENCE graduate of Munich University, yet she didn't know when she got married that sex even existed! She went to the doctor a few years after marriage to find out why she hadn't had a child, and he told her she had to have sex. She had never heard of it. Her husband was impotent.
Found this on an urban legend site.
http://snopes.com/pregnant/nosex.asp
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Blurgle on March 03, 2007, 03:44:28 PM
My co-worker snorted when I read that to her.  (We are bad about swapping funny stories at work.)  She said, "Honey, I was married in 1957, no one had ever talked to me about sex, no one had ever talked to my husband about sex.  But you know, it doesn't take a whole lot of education to figure that one out!

Marie Stopes became a sex educator because her first marriage was such a disaster. She was a high honours SCIENCE graduate of Munich University, yet she didn't know when she got married that sex even existed! She went to the doctor a few years after marriage to find out why she hadn't had a child, and he told her she had to have sex. She had never heard of it. Her husband was impotent.
Found this on an urban legend site.
http://snopes.com/pregnant/nosex.asp

Marie Stopes's story is directly out of her autobiography.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Belle on March 03, 2007, 05:17:38 PM
I love my FMIL, but I can easily see her doing something like in the OP's post. There is a good chance her son (my fiance) is her only child that will get married while she's alive. (One sibling is very nice, but doesn't seem to do so well at dating, and the others are adopted and quite young.) Despite making it clear to her that we are not having children, we're constantly harassed. She backed off quite a bit after my fiance had a little discussion with her, but she still does it. (I told him that as much as I loved his mother, I was going to stop visiting her if she didn't back off on the kids thing!!!)

I've finally started getting somewhat graphic with her. She doesn't REALLY want to think about us having sex, but it underlies the whole conversation. (I can't give her grandbabies with it!) If she insists on making my sexual behavior a topic of public conversation, then I make the conversation explicit enough to make her as uncomfortable as I am. (I've tried the direct route for years. It doesn't stop her!!! But this route does.)
[FMIL changes the topic after deciding that she can't discuss her son's sex life anymore...]

It's a bit evil, I know, but it's the only thing I've found that gets her to stop. Other than the grandkid obsession, she's a lovely woman!
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: citybrat on March 03, 2007, 07:26:43 PM
My mother would tell us to get rid of our cat and have kids. Like, right, I can't tell the difference. Kids and cats, they are the same? Aren't they? My favourite was when I was 40 years old and one of my aunts demanded to know why we didn't have kids? Was it because we "couldn't" or "wouldn't"? At this point I blew up, "I am 40 years old and this is no business of yours"! I actually have no affinity for children. It's very strange. I like them as long they belong to other people. In any case, it is a personal decision.

When a busy body asks when you are having them, ask them why they need to know?  ::)
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: savve on March 08, 2007, 11:15:39 AM
My mother would tell us to get rid of our cat and have kids.

That one really bugs me! What on earth does having a cat have to do with having kids, and why is one thing somehow excluding the other?? A cat is a living, sensing, thinking, feeling being, not something to throw out with yesterdays trash when it isn't convenient anymore! You make a commitment when you take in a kitten, and that lasts out its life, not until you want to go away on vacation next time. And besides, barring serious allergies, a cat is good to have around kids. It strenghtens immunesystems and teaches kindness and responsibility. Unless of course the parents choose to teach that living beings are disposable, trashable things.  >:(
/rant
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: pryncsskittyn on March 08, 2007, 12:37:15 PM
My mother would tell us to get rid of our cat and have kids.

That one really bugs me! What on earth does having a cat have to do with having kids, and why is one thing somehow excluding the other?? A cat is a living, sensing, thinking, feeling being, not something to throw out with yesterdays trash when it isn't convenient anymore! You make a commitment when you take in a kitten, and that lasts out its life, not until you want to go away on vacation next time. And besides, barring serious allergies, a cat is good to have around kids. It strenghtens immunesystems and teaches kindness and responsibility. Unless of course the parents choose to teach that living beings are disposable, trashable things.  >:(
/rant

While this is all very,very true, and I'm a person who grew up in a house FILLED with cats.  Although, certain doctors and professionals believe that a cat litter box will cause toximia in the baby if a pregnant woman comes in contact with the urine of a cat.  Not a big deal, have DH clean the cat box.... also, there's that old school way of thinking that a "cat will steal a baby's breath"....comming from cats smothering sleeping babies while trying to lick the milk from the mouth of the infant. 
Just putting a little insight into where this posters mom might have been comming from.  I managed to work around owning 2 cats and having a baby, so I know it's entirely possible and easy.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: kethria on March 08, 2007, 01:21:17 PM
I just changed jobs after working in a toxoplasmosis lab for 5 years. An infected cat will only shed ONCE in it's life for 3-4 days, and as long as all feces are disposed of in 24 hours or less, the oocysts will not sporulate and become infective to people...

I had to explain this to the SOHES (Safety and Occupational Health Something Something) lady when she found out I had a positive antibody titer to Toxo and was tearful explaining how I could never have children. Erm... no... infact now I will pass on the antibodies to my child if and when I have one...

There is no reason to get rid of a cat if the woman is pregnant, just learn how to take care of it :P

/steps off of soapbox
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: citybrat on March 14, 2007, 12:31:54 PM
That one really bugs me! What on earth does having a cat have to do with having kids, and why is one thing somehow excluding the other?? A cat is a living, sensing, thinking, feeling being, not something to throw out with yesterdays trash when it isn't convenient anymore!

I absolutely agree. It drives me nuts when I hear that kind of thing. Cats, dogs and whatever animal you take in as a friend is big responsibility. Just to let you know, we kept the cat to a ripe old age of 18 years. I am glad to meet so many animal lovers, they give a lot. And kids can learn from having them around as well.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: pennylane on March 14, 2007, 01:56:03 PM
Not my story... but I laughed.  I'm still trying to figure out how this really breached ettiquette

Okay, the first one was here:
Quote
I e-mailed my mother-in-law to ask what *her* mother (who lives with my in-laws) would like for Christmas.

Her reply? "Great-grandchildren."

It's rude to try to stick your nose in someone else's reproductive decisions.

and here:

Quote
"Do you know how?"

"How what?"

"How to get her pregnant!"

That's just all kinds of inappropriate.

Yes, I would say for sure that's pretty rude and inappropriate.  I don't care if it is family, either, and to me- it goes beyond just being annoying- and I can't say I'd have much of a sense of humor about it- sorry. 

I think it's extremely rude and selfish when parents put demands on their grown kids to reproduce, implying and even saying outright that they are "owed grandchildren."  I'm CF and this really hits a raw nerve with me, and even if I weren't, I think it's still an intrusive, rude, and obnoxious thing to be asking.  There's a number of reasons why a couple may not have kids- and I bet most of them can be very uncomfortable to discuss.

What is the point in asking, anyway?  Does womb police MIL think it'll happen any faster if she does?  Is this dire info that she really needs?  Or is she afraid somehow if they do get pregnant, that they'll keep it a dark, hidden secret from her?

Never understood that.  Thank goodness my mother knows my stance, and only talks about her grandpuppy.  I know my FMIL would be rabid for grandbabies, but also knows we are CF and thankfully, isn't very vocal on the subject.  Can you tell I have strong opinions about this?
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Asharah on April 27, 2007, 06:24:23 PM
Not my story... but I laughed.  I'm still trying to figure out how this really breached ettiquette, it's just a pushy Mom being annoying I think.  It's funny though.  Wish I could have seen the hubby's face.


I e-mailed my mother-in-law to ask what *her* mother (who lives with my in-laws) would like for Christmas.

Her reply? "Great-grandchildren."

My husband (her only son) and I are 25 and 24. We've been married one year. We don't have health insurance. My husband is still in graduate school, for crying out loud!

But it gets better. I had a cold, and hubby mentioned to his mother that I was "ill." Their conversation follows:

"Is she pregnant?"

"No, she has a cold."

"Do you know how?"

"How what?"

"How to get her pregnant!"

Relatives0117-06


I remember a story about a zoo where they were trying to breed two gorillas and didn't have any luck until they showed them video footage of gorillas mating in the wild!  ;D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: rii on April 29, 2007, 08:58:42 PM
My mother would tell us to get rid of our cat and have kids.

A friend of mine's MIL used to say things like this to her until one day my friend snapped and replied, "It's not the cats that are keeping us from having kids, it's the condoms."
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Sirius on April 30, 2007, 01:47:58 AM
I never had this problem.  My dad doesn't care if he ever gets another grandchild, and my inlaws weren't really worried about it, either since we got married later in life.  I think parents/inlaws who badger young married couples to have children just so they can have grandchildren are very inconsiderate.  They seem to forget that babies aren't just something you sit on a shelf and bring out when the grandparents are around; they're a lifetime commitment.  But since it isn't their lifetime, I guess it's okay.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: ladycrim on July 19, 2010, 06:32:25 PM
I'm resurrecting this topic because I just read it in the archives and it reminds me of my boyfriend's father.

BF and I have been d@ting for two years, cohabiting for one.  We know we will marry someday, but we're not there yet for various reasons.

BF's father is crazy for grandchildren, even though BF and I don't want them.  (BF is an only child, so he's the only chance for grandkids.)  On BF's birthday last month, his father called him.  In the course of their conversation, he said (and I quote), "Well, son, if you're not going to marry her, at least knock her up and get the grandkids going!"  :o Eeep.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Twik on July 20, 2010, 07:16:53 AM
I didn't know there was an incorrect way.

Oh, I'm sure there is.  ;)
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: JonGirl on July 20, 2010, 07:34:02 AM
Not my story... but I laughed.  I'm still trying to figure out how this really breached ettiquette

Okay, the first one was here:
Quote
I e-mailed my mother-in-law to ask what *her* mother (who lives with my in-laws) would like for Christmas.

Her reply? "Great-grandchildren."

It's rude to try to stick your nose in someone else's reproductive decisions.

and here:

Quote
"Do you know how?"

"How what?"

"How to get her pregnant!"

That's just all kinds of inappropriate.

Yes, I would say for sure that's pretty rude and inappropriate.  I don't care if it is family, either, and to me- it goes beyond just being annoying- and I can't say I'd have much of a sense of humor about it- sorry. 

I think it's extremely rude and selfish when parents put demands on their grown kids to reproduce, implying and even saying outright that they are "owed grandchildren."  I'm CF and this really hits a raw nerve with me, and even if I weren't, I think it's still an intrusive, rude, and obnoxious thing to be asking.  There's a number of reasons why a couple may not have kids- and I bet most of them can be very uncomfortable to discuss.

What is the point in asking, anyway?  Does womb police MIL think it'll happen any faster if she does?  Is this dire info that she really needs?  Or is she afraid somehow if they do get pregnant, that they'll keep it a dark, hidden secret from her?
Never understood that.  Thank goodness my mother knows my stance, and only talks about her grandpuppy.  I know my FMIL would be rabid for grandbabies, but also knows we are CF and thankfully, isn't very vocal on the subject.  Can you tell I have strong opinions about this?

And so what if they do?. Your children are nobodies business and you don't have to say anything if you don't want to.
DH's mother didn't find out anything until I was about 7 months and she was lucky she found out at all.
Other peoples children are a privilige, not a right. People who demand children from others disgust me.  :o  >:(
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: purplemuse on July 21, 2010, 01:26:44 PM
My mother told me something that a friend of hers did to her daughter, who had been married a few years. She cut out a picture of a cute baby from a magazine, handed it to her daughter, and announced, "I want one of these". My mother and her friend both thought that this was hysterically funny. I thought it was very nervy, nosy, and intrusive, but mom didn't agree.

Evilmuse would have framed the picture and given it to the mother.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Hushabye on July 21, 2010, 01:28:14 PM
My mother told me something that a friend of hers did to her daughter, who had been married a few years. She cut out a picture of a cute baby from a magazine, handed it to her daughter, and announced, "I want one of these". My mother and her friend both thought that this was hysterically funny. I thought it was very nervy, nosy, and intrusive, but mom didn't agree.

Evilmuse would have framed the picture and given it to the mother.

I think I would have asked her why she gave away a perfectly good one if she wanted one so badly.   >:D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: GoldenGemini on July 21, 2010, 07:36:35 PM
My mother told me something that a friend of hers did to her daughter, who had been married a few years. She cut out a picture of a cute baby from a magazine, handed it to her daughter, and announced, "I want one of these". My mother and her friend both thought that this was hysterically funny. I thought it was very nervy, nosy, and intrusive, but mom didn't agree.

Evilmuse would have framed the picture and given it to the mother.

I think I would have asked her why she gave away a perfectly good one if she wanted one so badly.   >:D

Also the picture is of a BABY, not a grandchild.  I would say "well, you'll need to talk to your husband about that, but at your age, I don't know that your doctor would recommend it."  >:D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Viscountess on July 21, 2010, 09:58:26 PM
The only time I met Baron's (my bf) mom was at the airport (we were flying back from our study abroad program).  I barley introduced myself to her when she started pestering me about grandchildren.  :o  I was only d@ting Baron for about 2 months at that point.  Also, my parents were there and proceeded to glare Baron's mom into silence.  Baron firmly stated that grandkids aren't going to happen for along while.

I agree that the desire to have children is up to the parents and everyone else should butt out.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Eilidh on July 22, 2010, 04:41:40 PM
My mother would tell us to get rid of our cat and have kids.

That one really bugs me! What on earth does having a cat have to do with having kids, and why is one thing somehow excluding the other?? A cat is a living, sensing, thinking, feeling being, not something to throw out with yesterdays trash when it isn't convenient anymore! You make a commitment when you take in a kitten, and that lasts out its life, not until you want to go away on vacation next time. And besides, barring serious allergies, a cat is good to have around kids. It strenghtens immunesystems and teaches kindness and responsibility. Unless of course the parents choose to teach that living beings are disposable, trashable things.  >:(
/rant

While this is all very,very true, and I'm a person who grew up in a house FILLED with cats.  Although, certain doctors and professionals believe that a cat litter box will cause toximia in the baby if a pregnant woman comes in contact with the urine of a cat.  Not a big deal, have DH clean the cat box.... also, there's that old school way of thinking that a "cat will steal a baby's breath"....comming from cats smothering sleeping babies while trying to lick the milk from the mouth of the infant. 
Just putting a little insight into where this posters mom might have been comming from.  I managed to work around owning 2 cats and having a baby, so I know it's entirely possible and easy.


My mother was _convinced_ that my cat would smother the baby. How she got that, I don't know. Her mother was medically trained!

So rather than get rid of the cat, we just put a screen door on the baby's room door! It worked like a charm.

BTW, the cat wanted _nothing_ to do with that noisy thing...

-Eilidh
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Twik on July 23, 2010, 07:13:58 AM
It's a very old wive's tale - cats are supposed to "steal the baby's breath". Possible arose because cats liked to snuggle in warm cradles.

I suppose if a cat did decide to sleep on a baby's face, it could smother the baby who couldn't push it aside like an adult, but I don't think it's a likely thing to happen.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Perfect Circle on July 23, 2010, 07:54:49 AM
I think most cats will naturally move away from the really ugly, hairless kitten the bad humans brought into its home.  ;)

However, I have say we got a little bit worried when our Cleo, the craziest of our two cats, decided the cradle was the best place to sleep. We had to make sure all doors to the baby's room were closed because we didn't really want a) a cat in with the baby - they are quite warm animals and temperature control is really important for small babies nor b) the cat hair in the cradle.

Now as DD is no longer a baby, we're quite happy for them to nap together in her bed. Cleo's happy too - apart from when DD wants to give her cuddles. ;D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Reika on July 23, 2010, 11:14:27 AM
I never understood the cat stealing a baby's breath, Mom and I like to joke around that as a baby I had two moms: Mom and my catmom Snowball.

Snowball was a great cat and would've been one heck of a mom to kittens, instead she had me. I swear the cat was a bigger disciplinarian than my own mom. :)
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Rosgrana on July 25, 2010, 03:40:38 PM
A colleague of mine came home from her honeymoon to find that her new mother-in-law had been in while they were away and the family Christening gown was laid ceremoniously front-and-centre on the marital bed!
 ::)
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Suze on July 25, 2010, 04:42:23 PM
A colleague of mine came home from her honeymoon to find that her new mother-in-law had been in while they were away and the family Christening gown was laid ceremoniously front-and-centre on the marital bed!
 ::)

oh that is too rich

not so subtle clue is it?
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Sara Crewe on July 25, 2010, 04:51:01 PM
A colleague of mine came home from her honeymoon to find that her new mother-in-law had been in while they were away and the family Christening gown was laid ceremoniously front-and-centre on the marital bed!
 ::)

oh that is too rich

not so subtle clue is it?

At which point I would be changing the locks and making sure MIL did not have a copy!
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Reika on July 25, 2010, 05:31:50 PM
A colleague of mine came home from her honeymoon to find that her new mother-in-law had been in while they were away and the family Christening gown was laid ceremoniously front-and-centre on the marital bed!
 ::)

oh that is too rich

not so subtle clue is it?

At which point I would be changing the locks and making sure MIL did not have a copy!

Not to mention a conversation or two about boundaries. How did her husband react?
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: shhh its me on July 26, 2010, 01:12:49 AM
It's a very old wive's tale - cats are supposed to "steal the baby's breath". Possible arose because cats liked to snuggle in warm cradles.

I suppose if a cat did decide to sleep on a baby's face, it could smother the baby who couldn't push it aside like an adult, but I don't think it's a likely thing to happen.

My cat never went near my son when he was a baby, he loved the baby's room when the baby wasn't in it, but at bout 10 years old(the cat) started sleeping on my chest almost mouth to mouth. It would/could look like he was trying to "steal" breath.  My husbands mother had to get rid of her cat because that cat would not stop climbing in the pram/crib when my husband was a baby.

 I imagine at some time cats have been found with dead babies either do to SIDS or very young babies being crushed/suffocated by cats not that cats are evil some just really like to cuddle anything and have no qualms about laying on faces and cats are agile enough to get into most cribs while many dogs aren't.  All pets need to be watched closely with newborns/babies. 
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: stitchygreyanonymouse on July 26, 2010, 11:17:12 AM
"Oh, but enough about MY sex life; let's talk about yours!"   >:D
"Well Mom, I was actually wondering about that...  did you and Dad use square knots or bowlines in the ropes?"
"Sure, we've been lighting candles and praying in both our bedrooms every night!"
{dragging EvilSaphie back into her corner now}

I almost snorted my coffee onto the keyboard for this. Especially the second one.

Luckily on my side my older sibs have provided plenty of grandbabies so my parents don't badger. The bfs' family has produced a couple of gems though.  From his father, after we'd been dating a grand total of maybe 3 weeks:
"You better marry her now so that there aren't any accidental pregnancies."   ??? (Funny, considering the unplanned (but very loved) baby his *married* younger sister had just given birth to.)

His mother has been a little more tactful about the gradkids thing so far (she just harps on marriage). Although I was cornered one day not too long ago and reminded that the BF is the last male LastName, so we have to have babies.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: ladycrim on July 26, 2010, 11:25:17 AM
Luckily on my side my older sibs have provided plenty of grandbabies so my parents don't badger. The bfs' family has produced a couple of gems though.  From his father, after we'd been d@ting a grand total of maybe 3 weeks:
"You better marry her now so that there aren't any accidental pregnancies."   ??? (Funny, considering the unplanned (but very loved) baby his *married* younger sister had just given birth to.)

Interesting logic there.

Meanwhile, BF baby-sat for his friend's 7-month-old on Friday night, and that killed any remaining desire for children.  (We both adore this little girl, but she apparently wouldn't stop screaming all night.)  Now he just needs to get the message through to his father.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Rosgrana on July 26, 2010, 03:19:28 PM
A colleague of mine came home from her honeymoon to find that her new mother-in-law had been in while they were away and the family Christening gown was laid ceremoniously front-and-centre on the marital bed!
 ::)

oh that is too rich

not so subtle clue is it?

At which point I would be changing the locks and making sure MIL did not have a copy!

Not to mention a conversation or two about boundaries. How did her husband react?

He was livid. She thought it was hilarious, in that so-far-beyond-acceptable-I-can't-take-it-seriously way.
They were OK with her being in there, they'd arranged that she would put wedding presents away and clean ready for them to come back to, but Things Were Said about the... little reminder.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: ClaireC79 on July 27, 2010, 04:03:27 PM
There are plenty of stories about cats who hang round by dying people until they pass on (theory being they sense something) stands to reason if this happened a few times in a small community with dying babies (through cot death etc) that the poor cat would get blamed for it, whereas all they were doing was providing company for a human being at the end

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-470906/Grim-rea-purr-The-cat-predict-death.html
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Suze on July 27, 2010, 05:02:01 PM
the thing I have heard most is that the cat will sleep on the babies chest - cause they are warm -- and smother them sort of by accident

because the baby isn't strong enough to push them off or roll over.

I know it is really hard to breath when the "overgrown fatness that is my cat" sleeps on my chest.  (she is close to 20 pounds)
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Reika on July 27, 2010, 07:05:23 PM

He was livid. She thought it was hilarious, in that so-far-beyond-acceptable-I-can't-take-it-seriously way.
They were OK with her being in there, they'd arranged that she would put wedding presents away and clean ready for them to come back to, but Things Were Said about the... little reminder.

Glad to hear that he was on the same page, and yeah I can see laughing instead of crying. Or going into a fit of rage. :)
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: SkylerY on July 27, 2010, 07:38:27 PM
My DH and I had been married about three years, and we had to live with my in-laws briefly in between moves.  His mother began CONSTANTLY dropping hints about having grandchildren.  Well, lo and behold, I got pregnant while we were living there, in their basement (we slept on the fold-out sofa bed.)  We were trying to hold off telling them immediately, but just a day or so later, MIL was harassing us again about how she is never going to have grandchildren.  My DH turned to me and "I have to tell her before I explode!"  So he did.  I have never seen that little woman jump and dance and scream and cry so much.  It was great.  But it was funny when she finally calmed down and realized exactly WHERE the baby must have been conceived.

I don't think I've seen her sit on that sofa since.   >:D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: magicdomino on July 28, 2010, 04:25:54 PM
My mother told me something that a friend of hers did to her daughter, who had been married a few years. She cut out a picture of a cute baby from a magazine, handed it to her daughter, and announced, "I want one of these". My mother and her friend both thought that this was hysterically funny. I thought it was very nervy, nosy, and intrusive, but mom didn't agree.

"Well, okay, I think there's a Babies R Us near the mall.  I'll buy one for you for Christmas."'
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Sirius on August 02, 2010, 08:16:33 PM
I guess I'm in the minority; my dad didn't care if I had children or not (he hadn't wanted me to get married in the first place, but when you're 39 and in love, who can tell you anything? ;D)  So, when we spent Christmas with my in-laws, I made a point of telling my MIL that we had decided not to have a family, mostly due to my age.  She surprised me; she told me, "Thanks for telling me, but whether or not you have kids isn't anyone else's business."   
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: penguinpants on August 03, 2010, 01:12:27 AM
Waaay back when MIL was FMIL, she was getting on DH (then DF) and I about how she wanted grandchildren already.  We were visiting her house at the time, and I simply asked, "In which room should we begin?  Will we have a Royal Audience during the event?"  She cracked up, and never brought it up in quite that manner again.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Waltraud on August 03, 2010, 01:29:38 AM
My DH and I had been married about three years, and we had to live with my in-laws briefly in between moves.  His mother began CONSTANTLY dropping hints about having grandchildren.  Well, lo and behold, I got pregnant while we were living there, in their basement (we slept on the fold-out sofa bed.)  We were trying to hold off telling them immediately, but just a day or so later, MIL was harassing us again about how she is never going to have grandchildren.  My DH turned to me and "I have to tell her before I explode!"  So he did.  I have never seen that little woman jump and dance and scream and cry so much.  It was great.  But it was funny when she finally calmed down and realized exactly WHERE the baby must have been conceived.

I don't think I've seen her sit on that sofa since.   >:D

It's amazing how people can draw a line in their minds between give me grandkids!!! and have intercourse with your partner!!  ::) Your MIl basically ordered you to have unprotected sex but for goodness' sake not in her basement. *shakes head* You weren't teenagers or newlyweds anymore either.

That's why I think it is the height of rudeness to pester people about their reproductive choices above and beyond saying: "Do you want kids some day?"

I'm glad your MIL was so happy though!  ;D

Waltraud

PS: Speaking of Royal Audience: When Louis and Marie Antoinette tried for Royal Grandkids, at least a dozen servants were present. And when Empress Elizabeth and Emperor Franz had their wedding night, both MIL's (who were sisters at the same time) kept watch in front of the door all night. So no pressure there!

Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: bellawitch on August 03, 2010, 02:31:51 AM
All thoses posts about cats. My ex and I had Alfred and Tiger when I got pregant. They were the pergect size to try on the new baby clothes we had gotten, Tiger's baby blues were perfect with the cowboy onesie we had gotten for Jason. Too bad Tiger didn't agree!

Both my cats loved my son. Tiger less so as Jason peed on him during his first bath. Jason was devastated 18 years later when Alfred had to be put to sleep. He had never known life without Alfred.

Kids come when they come/ today if it's not within a month of trying there is a problem. A British friend of mine told me after many years her parents decided they were infertile (this was before the clinics and such) a couple of monthes later, guess what!

Things happen when they do, if the parents can't wait tell them to look in the community. There are plenty of children that need loving adults to get them on their way.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: ladycrim on August 03, 2010, 11:47:12 AM
Kids come when they come/ today if it's not within a month of trying there is a problem. A British friend of mine told me after many years her parents decided they were infertile (this was before the clinics and such) a couple of monthes later, guess what!

So true.  A dear friend of mine was never supposed to exist.  His parents were certain they were infertile and had in fact adopted two children after being unable to conceive.  Ten years later ... surprise!
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: hermanne on August 04, 2010, 01:49:17 PM
Kids come when they come/ today if it's not within a month of trying there is a problem. A British friend of mine told me after many years her parents decided they were infertile (this was before the clinics and such) a couple of monthes later, guess what!

So true.  A dear friend of mine was never supposed to exist.  His parents were certain they were infertile and had in fact adopted two children after being unable to conceive.  Ten years later ... surprise!
Bolding mine.

My great-aunt and uncle also thought they'd never have children. They ended up with 7, including a set of twins.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Kimblee on August 04, 2010, 03:29:05 PM
Kids come when they come/ today if it's not within a month of trying there is a problem. A British friend of mine told me after many years her parents decided they were infertile (this was before the clinics and such) a couple of monthes later, guess what!

So true.  A dear friend of mine was never supposed to exist.  His parents were certain they were infertile and had in fact adopted two children after being unable to conceive.  Ten years later ... surprise!
[/quote
Bolding mine.

My great-aunt and uncle also thought they'd never have children. They ended up with 7, including a set of twins.

There's a couple I know who have filled their home with children every which way, private adoption, foster kid adoption, bilogical, raising a grandkid....

The man was told he would never have children because as a young boy he got some kind of fever/ So they adopted their first children, a seven year old boy and a five year old girl. Not biologically related, but they had been in a state home together and got along beautifully..

Well, the fie ended up pregnant, was overjoyed, thinking about how excited the kids would be that they were getting a little sibling. They told the kids, and the kids seemed... off. Outwardly happy, but off.

The husband found them sobbing in their bedroom a few hours later and when he asked them what was wrong, they told him that He and Mama were going to send them back since now they were gonna have REAL kids, and they knew this because that's what their other parents did!

He says it took them almost six months to convince these poor kids that yes indeed they were staying, this was home and the only thing changing was going to be a cute little pink baby sibling. But the husband admits he had very satisfying dreams for years afterwards about finding the people that "thre away" his children and breaking their fingers one by one.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Quesselin on August 05, 2010, 04:38:11 AM
There's a couple I know who have filled their home with children every which way, private adoption, foster kid adoption, bilogical, raising a grandkid....

The man was told he would never have children because as a young boy he got some kind of fever/ So they adopted their first children, a seven year old boy and a five year old girl. Not biologically related, but they had been in a state home together and got along beautifully..

Well, the fie ended up pregnant, was overjoyed, thinking about how excited the kids would be that they were getting a little sibling. They told the kids, and the kids seemed... off. Outwardly happy, but off.

The husband found them sobbing in their bedroom a few hours later and when he asked them what was wrong, they told him that He and Mama were going to send them back since now they were gonna have REAL kids, and they knew this because that's what their other parents did!

He says it took them almost six months to convince these poor kids that yes indeed they were staying, this was home and the only thing changing was going to be a cute little pink baby sibling. But the husband admits he had very satisfying dreams for years afterwards about finding the people that "thre away" his children and breaking their fingers one by one.

What a horrible story!! I'm so glad those poor children found a real family with your friends.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Kimblee on August 05, 2010, 01:57:25 PM
There's a couple I know who have filled their home with children every which way, private adoption, foster kid adoption, bilogical, raising a grandkid....

The man was told he would never have children because as a young boy he got some kind of fever/ So they adopted their first children, a seven year old boy and a five year old girl. Not biologically related, but they had been in a state home together and got along beautifully..

Well, the fie ended up pregnant, was overjoyed, thinking about how excited the kids would be that they were getting a little sibling. They told the kids, and the kids seemed... off. Outwardly happy, but off.

The husband found them sobbing in their bedroom a few hours later and when he asked them what was wrong, they told him that He and Mama were going to send them back since now they were gonna have REAL kids, and they knew this because that's what their other parents did!

He says it took them almost six months to convince these poor kids that yes indeed they were staying, this was home and the only thing changing was going to be a cute little pink baby sibling. But the husband admits he had very satisfying dreams for years afterwards about finding the people that "threw away" his children and breaking their fingers one by one.

What a horrible story!! I'm so glad those poor children found a real family with your friends.

Yup. They're both grown now and by all appreances, happy well adjusted adults.

The son is a member of the volunteer fire dept. and the daughter just recived her certification as a Nurse Midwife.

ETA: Oh, and the baby born somehow survived the intensive spopiling, coddling and general doll-like dressing up his big siblings gave him. ;)
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Quesselin on August 06, 2010, 01:57:37 AM
There's a couple I know who have filled their home with children every which way, private adoption, foster kid adoption, bilogical, raising a grandkid....

The man was told he would never have children because as a young boy he got some kind of fever/ So they adopted their first children, a seven year old boy and a five year old girl. Not biologically related, but they had been in a state home together and got along beautifully..

Well, the fie ended up pregnant, was overjoyed, thinking about how excited the kids would be that they were getting a little sibling. They told the kids, and the kids seemed... off. Outwardly happy, but off.

The husband found them sobbing in their bedroom a few hours later and when he asked them what was wrong, they told him that He and Mama were going to send them back since now they were gonna have REAL kids, and they knew this because that's what their other parents did!

He says it took them almost six months to convince these poor kids that yes indeed they were staying, this was home and the only thing changing was going to be a cute little pink baby sibling. But the husband admits he had very satisfying dreams for years afterwards about finding the people that "threw away" his children and breaking their fingers one by one.

What a horrible story!! I'm so glad those poor children found a real family with your friends.

Yup. They're both grown now and by all appreances, happy well adjusted adults.

The son is a member of the volunteer fire dept. and the daughter just recived her certification as a Nurse Midwife.

ETA: Oh, and the baby born somehow survived the intensive spopiling, coddling and general doll-like dressing up his big siblings gave him. ;)

Oh, that poor, defenseless baby! How did it ever make it through all that hardship!  ;D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Corbin on August 06, 2010, 07:45:39 AM
There's a couple I know who have filled their home with children every which way, private adoption, foster kid adoption, bilogical, raising a grandkid....

The man was told he would never have children because as a young boy he got some kind of fever/ So they adopted their first children, a seven year old boy and a five year old girl. Not biologically related, but they had been in a state home together and got along beautifully..

Well, the fie ended up pregnant, was overjoyed, thinking about how excited the kids would be that they were getting a little sibling. They told the kids, and the kids seemed... off. Outwardly happy, but off.

The husband found them sobbing in their bedroom a few hours later and when he asked them what was wrong, they told him that He and Mama were going to send them back since now they were gonna have REAL kids, and they knew this because that's what their other parents did!

He says it took them almost six months to convince these poor kids that yes indeed they were staying, this was home and the only thing changing was going to be a cute little pink baby sibling. But the husband admits he had very satisfying dreams for years afterwards about finding the people that "threw away" his children and breaking their fingers one by one.

What a horrible story!! I'm so glad those poor children found a real family with your friends.

Yup. They're both grown now and by all appreances, happy well adjusted adults.

The son is a member of the volunteer fire dept. and the daughter just recived her certification as a Nurse Midwife.

ETA: Oh, and the baby born somehow survived the intensive spopiling, coddling and general doll-like dressing up his big siblings gave him. ;)

Oh, that poor, defenseless baby! How did it ever make it through all that hardship!  ;D

Babies are pretty resilient...they tend to survive all that, and even the occasional toenail polishing, with their chubby dignity intact.  ;D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Kimblee on August 06, 2010, 12:01:30 PM
There's a couple I know who have filled their home with children every which way, private adoption, foster kid adoption, bilogical, raising a grandkid....

The man was told he would never have children because as a young boy he got some kind of fever/ So they adopted their first children, a seven year old boy and a five year old girl. Not biologically related, but they had been in a state home together and got along beautifully..

Well, the fie ended up pregnant, was overjoyed, thinking about how excited the kids would be that they were getting a little sibling. They told the kids, and the kids seemed... off. Outwardly happy, but off.

The husband found them sobbing in their bedroom a few hours later and when he asked them what was wrong, they told him that He and Mama were going to send them back since now they were gonna have REAL kids, and they knew this because that's what their other parents did!

He says it took them almost six months to convince these poor kids that yes indeed they were staying, this was home and the only thing changing was going to be a cute little pink baby sibling. But the husband admits he had very satisfying dreams for years afterwards about finding the people that "threw away" his children and breaking their fingers one by one.

What a horrible story!! I'm so glad those poor children found a real family with your friends.

Yup. They're both grown now and by all appreances, happy well adjusted adults.

The son is a member of the volunteer fire dept. and the daughter just recived her certification as a Nurse Midwife.

ETA: Oh, and the baby born somehow survived the intensive spopiling, coddling and general doll-like dressing up his big siblings gave him. ;)

Oh, that poor, defenseless baby! How did it ever make it through all that hardship!  ;D

Babies are pretty resilient...they tend to survive all that, and even the occasional toenail polishing, with their chubby dignity intact.  ;D

LOL

He was extremely loved, as were all other siblings that came through. Their father bvoasts that "Other than the expected sibling rivalries occasionally, I never got a lick of trouble out of them. Must be that I keep getting lucky 'cuz God Knows, I ain;'t that great a father!" (His kids of course protest this.)

Actually, other than the first two kids, and one girl, I have no clue which kids are adopted and which aren't.  :-[
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Linley on August 06, 2010, 12:14:32 PM

PS: Speaking of Royal Audience: When Louis and Marie Antoinette tried for Royal Grandkids, at least a dozen servants were present.


I always felt awful for Emperor Joseph for having to explain to his brother in law how to sleep with his sister. Talk about an awkward conversation...
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Quesselin on August 06, 2010, 12:38:22 PM
Babies are pretty resilient...they tend to survive all that, and even the occasional toenail polishing, with their chubby dignity intact.  ;D

"Chubby dignity" is now my new favorite expression.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Quesselin on August 06, 2010, 12:39:23 PM
LOL

He was extremely loved, as were all other siblings that came through. Their father bvoasts that "Other than the expected sibling rivalries occasionally, I never got a lick of trouble out of them. Must be that I keep getting lucky 'cuz God Knows, I ain;'t that great a father!" (His kids of course protest this.)

Actually, other than the first two kids, and one girl, I have no clue which kids are adopted and which aren't.  :-[

Good grief, how many kids do they have?!  ;D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Kimblee on August 06, 2010, 12:45:05 PM
LOL

He was extremely loved, as were all other siblings that came through. Their father bvoasts that "Other than the expected sibling rivalries occasionally, I never got a lick of trouble out of them. Must be that I keep getting lucky 'cuz God Knows, I ain;'t that great a father!" (His kids of course protest this.)

Actually, other than the first two kids, and one girl, I have no clue which kids are adopted and which aren't.  :-[

Good grief, how many kids do they have?!  ;D

Umm... lets see...

NOT counting the three grandkids, because those belong to their mother even though they are living with the grandparents... Thirteen.

And they are in the process of adopting again. Because apprently that "aren't DONE yet!"

Its a four year old boy who seems to be afraid of pretty much everything. Its kinda sad, but I think he'll get used to them soon. (He's currently their foster baby, but by christmas they are hoping the paperwork will be done and he can take their last name.)

I just wanna know if its normal to let a couple keep adopting when they are in their 40-50s. I'm not being mean, I'm just curious, I heard somewhere that only young couples were allowed to adopt for some reason.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Corbin on August 06, 2010, 01:04:19 PM
Babies are pretty resilient...they tend to survive all that, and even the occasional toenail polishing, with their chubby dignity intact.  ;D

"Chubby dignity" is now my new favorite expression.

I am glad you like it!
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Corbin on August 06, 2010, 01:10:54 PM
LOL

He was extremely loved, as were all other siblings that came through. Their father bvoasts that "Other than the expected sibling rivalries occasionally, I never got a lick of trouble out of them. Must be that I keep getting lucky 'cuz God Knows, I ain;'t that great a father!" (His kids of course protest this.)

Actually, other than the first two kids, and one girl, I have no clue which kids are adopted and which aren't.  :-[

Good grief, how many kids do they have?!  ;D

Umm... lets see...

NOT counting the three grandkids, because those belong to their mother even though they are living with the grandparents... Thirteen.

And they are in the process of adopting again. Because apprently that "aren't DONE yet!"

Its a four year old boy who seems to be afraid of pretty much everything. Its kinda sad, but I think he'll get used to them soon. (He's currently their foster baby, but by christmas they are hoping the paperwork will be done and he can take their last name.)

I just wanna know if its normal to let a couple keep adopting when they are in their 40-50s. I'm not being mean, I'm just curious, I heard somewhere that only young couples were allowed to adopt for some reason.

Older kids, and kids with severe traumas in their past are really really hard to place, but it's always in their best intrest to find a "forever family". And 40-50 isn't really over the hill just yet  ;) . My aunt is nearly 60, and adopted a pair of boys (both with Downs Syndrome) from the Ukraine two years ago.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Kimblee on August 06, 2010, 01:19:00 PM
LOL

He was extremely loved, as were all other siblings that came through. Their father bvoasts that "Other than the expected sibling rivalries occasionally, I never got a lick of trouble out of them. Must be that I keep getting lucky 'cuz God Knows, I ain;'t that great a father!" (His kids of course protest this.)

Actually, other than the first two kids, and one girl, I have no clue which kids are adopted and which aren't.  :-[

Good grief, how many kids do they have?!  ;D

Umm... lets see...

NOT counting the three grandkids, because those belong to their mother even though they are living with the grandparents... Thirteen.

And they are in the process of adopting again. Because apprently that "aren't DONE yet!"

Its a four year old boy who seems to be afraid of pretty much everything. Its kinda sad, but I think he'll get used to them soon. (He's currently their foster baby, but by christmas they are hoping the paperwork will be done and he can take their last name.)

I just wanna know if its normal to let a couple keep adopting when they are in their 40-50s. I'm not being mean, I'm just curious, I heard somewhere that only young couples were allowed to adopt for some reason.

Older kids, and kids with severe traumas in their past are really really hard to place, but it's always in their best intrest to find a "forever family". And 40-50 isn't really over the hill just yet  ;) . My aunt is nearly 60, and adopted a pair of boys (both with Downs Syndrome) from the Ukraine two years ago.

Ah.

And no, they are far from over the hill, they are SUPER energetic and are great parents.

I knew it seemed dumb that only young couples could adopt. I guess that's why it stuck with me is because it makes no sense.

Oddly, i don;t think they have ever adopted a baby, I think all their adopted babies have been 3 and older. (The husband made a joke one day that the best part of adoption is they come "pre-housetrained"   But he also makes jokes about getting kids Pre-Owned.... he's strange)
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: TheBardess on August 06, 2010, 01:37:51 PM

PS: Speaking of Royal Audience: When Louis and Marie Antoinette tried for Royal Grandkids, at least a dozen servants were present.


I always felt awful for Emperor Joseph for having to explain to his brother in law how to sleep with his sister. Talk about an awkward conversation...

Honestly, if it were me, I don't know if I'd be able to resist seriously messing with somebody. "Well, you see, Louis, the most effective way to make a baby is for you to stick your finger in her ear, while she stands on her head and massages your kneecaps..."

I'm such a horrible person...
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: mechtilde on August 06, 2010, 04:57:57 PM
I just wanna know if its normal to let a couple keep adopting when they are in their 40-50s. I'm not being mean, I'm just curious, I heard somewhere that only young couples were allowed to adopt for some reason.

It depends on where you are, but here they will allow older people to adopt- but they do have to take health considerations etc into account, and older parents are more likely to be placed with older children. It isn't a question of if the child is suitable for the family, but if the family is suitable for the child.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: eclecticgrrl on August 06, 2010, 06:02:45 PM
I just wanna know if its normal to let a couple keep adopting when they are in their 40-50s. I'm not being mean, I'm just curious, I heard somewhere that only young couples were allowed to adopt for some reason.

I don't know if the adoption rules are the same all over the places and I'm SURE that they vary country by country.  That being said, I know that my BF and I were told that if we tried to adopt now, we would only be allowed to adopt hard-to-place children because we're over 40.  The agencies that place brand-new pink babies (chubby dignity and all) won't work with older couples here.  I don't know if it's a law or not.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Quesselin on August 07, 2010, 05:42:26 AM
LOL

He was extremely loved, as were all other siblings that came through. Their father bvoasts that "Other than the expected sibling rivalries occasionally, I never got a lick of trouble out of them. Must be that I keep getting lucky 'cuz God Knows, I ain;'t that great a father!" (His kids of course protest this.)

Actually, other than the first two kids, and one girl, I have no clue which kids are adopted and which aren't.  :-[

Good grief, how many kids do they have?!  ;D

Umm... lets see...

NOT counting the three grandkids, because those belong to their mother even though they are living with the grandparents... Thirteen.

And they are in the process of adopting again. Because apprently that "aren't DONE yet!"

Its a four year old boy who seems to be afraid of pretty much everything. Its kinda sad, but I think he'll get used to them soon. (He's currently their foster baby, but by christmas they are hoping the paperwork will be done and he can take their last name.)

I just wanna know if its normal to let a couple keep adopting when they are in their 40-50s. I'm not being mean, I'm just curious, I heard somewhere that only young couples were allowed to adopt for some reason.

Busy people! Hope the adoption of the four year old goes through.

Here in Denmark the cut-off date for adoption is 45 years.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Corbin on August 09, 2010, 12:14:41 PM
LOL

He was extremely loved, as were all other siblings that came through. Their father bvoasts that "Other than the expected sibling rivalries occasionally, I never got a lick of trouble out of them. Must be that I keep getting lucky 'cuz God Knows, I ain;'t that great a father!" (His kids of course protest this.)

Actually, other than the first two kids, and one girl, I have no clue which kids are adopted and which aren't.  :-[

Good grief, how many kids do they have?!  ;D

Umm... lets see...

NOT counting the three grandkids, because those belong to their mother even though they are living with the grandparents... Thirteen.

And they are in the process of adopting again. Because apprently that "aren't DONE yet!"

Its a four year old boy who seems to be afraid of pretty much everything. Its kinda sad, but I think he'll get used to them soon. (He's currently their foster baby, but by christmas they are hoping the paperwork will be done and he can take their last name.)

I just wanna know if its normal to let a couple keep adopting when they are in their 40-50s. I'm not being mean, I'm just curious, I heard somewhere that only young couples were allowed to adopt for some reason.

Busy people! Hope the adoption of the four year old goes through.

Here in Denmark the cut-off date for adoption is 45 years.

Oh, and by the way... I figure that not being able to tell who is adopted and who isn't is probably the sign of very good adoptive parents!  ;)
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Bellantara on August 09, 2010, 12:17:02 PM

PS: Speaking of Royal Audience: When Louis and Marie Antoinette tried for Royal Grandkids, at least a dozen servants were present.


I always felt awful for Emperor Joseph for having to explain to his brother in law how to sleep with his sister. Talk about an awkward conversation...

Honestly, if it were me, I don't know if I'd be able to resist seriously messing with somebody. "Well, you see, Louis, the most effective way to make a baby is for you to stick your finger in her ear, while she stands on her head and massages your kneecaps..."

I'm such a horrible person...

*Snickers*  Are you my twin?  I'd do the same thing.  >:D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Jaelle on August 09, 2010, 02:03:08 PM
Older kids, and kids with severe traumas in their past are really really hard to place, but it's always in their best intrest to find a "forever family". And 40-50 isn't really over the hill just yet  ;) . My aunt is nearly 60, and adopted a pair of boys (both with Downs Syndrome) from the Ukraine two years ago.

As the mom of a little boy with Down Syndrome, I bless your aunt.

When DS1 was born, welcomed and loved from day one, my great aunt told me a sad little story no one else in the family had known. She was retired at that point, but had worked as a nurse for years ... including at a women's hospital in the nursery unit. A little girl was born with Down Syndrome and her family had ... refused to take her home.  :'(  This was probably about 40-plus years ago, and I know times are different, but ...

Great aunt wanted to adopt her. The authorities wouldn't let her. A single 30-something-year-old woman as a single mom? The scandal! To this day, she still wonders what happened to that little girl.

Such a pity. That child would have had such a wonderful life.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Corbin on August 09, 2010, 02:29:20 PM
Older kids, and kids with severe traumas in their past are really really hard to place, but it's always in their best intrest to find a "forever family". And 40-50 isn't really over the hill just yet  ;) . My aunt is nearly 60, and adopted a pair of boys (both with Downs Syndrome) from the Ukraine two years ago.

As the mom of a little boy with Down Syndrome, I bless your aunt.

When DS1 was born, welcomed and loved from day one, my great aunt told me a sad little story no one else in the family had known. She was retired at that point, but had worked as a nurse for years ... including at a women's hospital in the nursery unit. A little girl was born with Down Syndrome and her family had ... refused to take her home.  :'(  This was probably about 40-plus years ago, and I know times are different, but ...

Great aunt wanted to adopt her. The authorities wouldn't let her. A single 30-something-year-old woman as a single mom? The scandal! To this day, she still wonders what happened to that little girl.

Such a pity. That child would have had such a wonderful life.

My aunts oldest dd also has Downs (as does her brother, my wonderful uncle), so our family is pretty...outspoken about the issues surrounding people with Downs. The docs always wanted to do an amnio when I was pregnant, but I told them it wasn't a big deal for me, either way. It's a possiblity I have always considered, which is one area in which I am very fortunate!  ;D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Shea on August 11, 2010, 01:14:26 PM
Older kids, and kids with severe traumas in their past are really really hard to place, but it's always in their best intrest to find a "forever family". And 40-50 isn't really over the hill just yet  ;) . My aunt is nearly 60, and adopted a pair of boys (both with Downs Syndrome) from the Ukraine two years ago.

As the mom of a little boy with Down Syndrome, I bless your aunt.

When DS1 was born, welcomed and loved from day one, my great aunt told me a sad little story no one else in the family had known. She was retired at that point, but had worked as a nurse for years ... including at a women's hospital in the nursery unit. A little girl was born with Down Syndrome and her family had ... refused to take her home.  :'(  This was probably about 40-plus years ago, and I know times are different, but ...

Great aunt wanted to adopt her. The authorities wouldn't let her. A single 30-something-year-old woman as a single mom? The scandal! To this day, she still wonders what happened to that little girl.

Such a pity. That child would have had such a wonderful life.

Have you read the novel The Memory Keeper's Daughter? The story is very much like that, except it's twins, a boy without Down Syndrome and a girl with it. This being the early 1960's, the mother was put under anesthesia during the birth, and when her husband, a doctor, sees that the baby girl has Down Syndrome, he tells a nurse to take her to a "home" and tells his wife the girl died. The book tells the story of the family and how that choice impacted all their lives. It's a very good book, but so sad, especially when you realize that people really did things like that.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Pandora on August 15, 2010, 03:30:48 PM
My DH and I had been married about three years, and we had to live with my in-laws briefly in between moves.  His mother began CONSTANTLY dropping hints about having grandchildren.  Well, lo and behold, I got pregnant while we were living there, in their basement (we slept on the fold-out sofa bed.)  We were trying to hold off telling them immediately, but just a day or so later, MIL was harassing us again about how she is never going to have grandchildren.  My DH turned to me and "I have to tell her before I explode!"  So he did.  I have never seen that little woman jump and dance and scream and cry so much.  It was great.  But it was funny when she finally calmed down and realized exactly WHERE the baby must have been conceived.

I don't think I've seen her sit on that sofa since.   >:D

 I would think she'd be thrilled.  ;D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Pandora on August 15, 2010, 03:36:33 PM
I think most cats will naturally move away from the really ugly, hairless kitten the bad humans brought into its home.  ;)

However, I have say we got a little bit worried when our Cleo, the craziest of our two cats, decided the cradle was the best place to sleep. We had to make sure all doors to the baby's room were closed because we didn't really want a) a cat in with the baby - they are quite warm animals and temperature control is really important for small babies nor b) the cat hair in the cradle.

Now as DD is no longer a baby, we're quite happy for them to nap together in her bed. Cleo's happy too - apart from when DD wants to give her cuddles. ;D

 I had one cat who was frequently found sleeping in DD's room and sometimes the crib, though he never actually tried to cuddle up against her. My guess is he was attempting to acquaint himself with the new pride member, and to let the new member learn of the other members of the pride.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: DangerMouth on August 15, 2010, 06:35:30 PM
Older kids, and kids with severe traumas in their past are really really hard to place, but it's always in their best intrest to find a "forever family". And 40-50 isn't really over the hill just yet  ;) . My aunt is nearly 60, and adopted a pair of boys (both with Downs Syndrome) from the Ukraine two years ago.

As the mom of a little boy with Down Syndrome, I bless your aunt.

When DS1 was born, welcomed and loved from day one, my great aunt told me a sad little story no one else in the family had known. She was retired at that point, but had worked as a nurse for years ... including at a women's hospital in the nursery unit. A little girl was born with Down Syndrome and her family had ... refused to take her home.  :'(  This was probably about 40-plus years ago, and I know times are different, but ...

Great aunt wanted to adopt her. The authorities wouldn't let her. A single 30-something-year-old woman as a single mom? The scandal! To this day, she still wonders what happened to that little girl.

Such a pity. That child would have had such a wonderful life.

Have you read the novel The Memory Keeper's Daughter? The story is very much like that, except it's twins, a boy without Down Syndrome and a girl with it. This being the early 1960's, the mother was put under anesthesia during the birth, and when her husband, a doctor, sees that the baby girl has Down Syndrome, he tells a nurse to take her to a "home" and tells his wife the girl died. The book tells the story of the family and how that choice impacted all their lives. It's a very good book, but so sad, especially when you realize that people really did things like that.

I read that, it was a great book!
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: ch1pch0p on August 15, 2010, 07:25:02 PM
My cats never tried to get in the crib with any of my babies, but they'd get in my lap when I was holding one....

I'm currently pregnant, and my cat insists on sitting on my lap every chance she gets. I'm just waiting for her to get kicked through my stomach. I can't wait to see the reaction!
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Asharah on August 15, 2010, 07:45:41 PM
I read a story once about a mother who says her cat saved the baby's life. The baby had been a preemie and the mother took her to the doctor when she developed a cold. The doctor told her she was overracting and sent her home. She put the baby to bed and went in the other room. Then she heard an eerie screaching coming over the baby monitor. She rushed in to find the baby gasping and turning blue and the cat standing on the changing table shreaking into the baby monitor.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: LeeLee88 on August 15, 2010, 09:49:49 PM
I read a story once about a mother who says her cat saved the baby's life. The baby had been a preemie and the mother took her to the doctor when she developed a cold. The doctor told her she was overracting and sent her home. She put the baby to bed and went in the other room. Then she heard an eerie screaching coming over the baby monitor. She rushed in to find the baby gasping and turning blue and the cat standing on the changing table shreaking into the baby monitor.

Oh chills.  Good story, Asharah!
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Reika on August 15, 2010, 10:22:13 PM
I can believe the story Asharah shared. My cat-mom, Snowball, would always let mom know when I was awake and before I could vocalize the fact myself. ;)

And when I wasn't feeling well, she made sure mom knew about that too, but never to the degree the other baby was.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Hushabye on August 15, 2010, 10:38:34 PM
My cats never tried to get in the crib with any of my babies, but they'd get in my lap when I was holding one....

I'm currently pregnant, and my cat insists on sitting on my lap every chance she gets. I'm just waiting for her to get kicked through my stomach. I can't wait to see the reaction!

Both of ours have been like this since we found out.  I'm not sure how they know, but I'll be darned -- they do indeed seem to!
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Black Delphinium on August 15, 2010, 11:03:09 PM
My cats never tried to get in the crib with any of my babies, but they'd get in my lap when I was holding one....

I'm currently pregnant, and my cat insists on sitting on my lap every chance she gets. I'm just waiting for her to get kicked through my stomach. I can't wait to see the reaction!

Both of ours have been like this since we found out.  I'm not sure how they know, but I'll be darned -- they do indeed seem to!
A friend of mine was told by her OB-GYN that cats can smell the "pregnancy hormones" and that they calm skittishish kitties.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Corbin on August 16, 2010, 08:13:43 AM
My cats never tried to get in the crib with any of my babies, but they'd get in my lap when I was holding one....

I'm currently pregnant, and my cat insists on sitting on my lap every chance she gets. I'm just waiting for her to get kicked through my stomach. I can't wait to see the reaction!

Both of ours have been like this since we found out.  I'm not sure how they know, but I'll be darned -- they do indeed seem to!

I don't know about you two, but when I was pregnant I was a human radiator. I am usually cold all the time, but suddenly I was just HOT. I always figured my cats were just cuddling up to the warmest thing in the house... :P
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: mechtilde on August 16, 2010, 08:17:26 AM
My cats never tried to get in the crib with any of my babies, but they'd get in my lap when I was holding one....

Mine knew before I did. They kept sniffing me, almost obsessively.
I'm currently pregnant, and my cat insists on sitting on my lap every chance she gets. I'm just waiting for her to get kicked through my stomach. I can't wait to see the reaction!

Both of ours have been like this since we found out.  I'm not sure how they know, but I'll be darned -- they do indeed seem to!
A friend of mine was told by her OB-GYN that cats can smell the "pregnancy hormones" and that they calm skittishish kitties.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Hushabye on August 16, 2010, 09:10:19 AM
My cats never tried to get in the crib with any of my babies, but they'd get in my lap when I was holding one....

I'm currently pregnant, and my cat insists on sitting on my lap every chance she gets. I'm just waiting for her to get kicked through my stomach. I can't wait to see the reaction!

Both of ours have been like this since we found out.  I'm not sure how they know, but I'll be darned -- they do indeed seem to!
A friend of mine was told by her OB-GYN that cats can smell the "pregnancy hormones" and that they calm skittishish kitties.

If that's true, that's really, really cool!  I'm like catnip for the next few months!  ;D

Corbin, it's not for the warmth most of the time -- I've still been huddling under the throw in the living room when the A/C is on because I get cold fast.  They're just goobers.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Kendo_Bunny on August 16, 2010, 12:24:09 PM
I actually haven't been bothered about grandchildren lately, which seems a little odd. I've been dating the same young man for almost five years, and around our first anniversary, my stepmother kept on pestering me about when we were going to get married and start having children, even though I had just turned 20 and wasn't through school yet. For the last two years, though, she's dropped it, though she has taken to hinting that I need to find a new gentleman friend - presumably one who will just marry and impregnate me already.

I asked my dad about it and he explained that she wanted me to start having grandkids when her first grandkid was new (he was born two weeks after my sweetie and I got together), partially from the excitement of grandbabies and partially because she thought Dad would be more active with grandbabies if he had a biological one. This is ridiculous, because my dad is indifferent to babies. He's exceedingly fond of my stepsister's son now that he can talk and play, but until then, he just didn't really care. He's done the same with my stepbrother's child and with my stepsister's other child - he'll hold them and smile when they're babies, but he likes them better when they're children. I have no reason to believe he will be any different with a blood relative.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Kimblee on August 16, 2010, 01:16:09 PM
My cats never tried to get in the crib with any of my babies, but they'd get in my lap when I was holding one....

I'm currently pregnant, and my cat insists on sitting on my lap every chance she gets. I'm just waiting for her to get kicked through my stomach. I can't wait to see the reaction!

Both of ours have been like this since we found out.  I'm not sure how they know, but I'll be darned -- they do indeed seem to!
A friend of mine was told by her OB-GYN that cats can smell the "pregnancy hormones" and that they calm skittishish kitties.

Hmm... I wonder if pregnant ladies would be good at catching ferals then?

Sorry, a lack of caffine makes me think weird stuff.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Corbin on August 17, 2010, 07:52:14 AM
My cats never tried to get in the crib with any of my babies, but they'd get in my lap when I was holding one....

I'm currently pregnant, and my cat insists on sitting on my lap every chance she gets. I'm just waiting for her to get kicked through my stomach. I can't wait to see the reaction!

Both of ours have been like this since we found out.  I'm not sure how they know, but I'll be darned -- they do indeed seem to!
A friend of mine was told by her OB-GYN that cats can smell the "pregnancy hormones" and that they calm skittishish kitties.

Hmm... I wonder if pregnant ladies would be good at catching ferals then?

Sorry, a lack of caffine makes me think weird stuff.

I have had the memorable experience of trying to catch a litter of half-grown, feral kittens that had moved into my garage...it was more work than any military obstacle course I have ever done. The mental image of a team of very pregnant ladies trying to climb around catching kittens has me in hysterics. I love it.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Reika on August 17, 2010, 09:45:45 PM
Probably unrelated, but I once had a kitty who would curl up on my tummy and purr whenever I had cramps.  Mom said she would have understood had it been a female kitty, but how a male kitty knew to put the heat right where and when I needed it...   ??? 

I miss that cat soooo much...


Even male cats know how to make their humans feel better. :)
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: VorFemme on August 27, 2010, 08:56:27 AM
Probably unrelated, but I once had a kitty who would curl up on my tummy and purr whenever I had cramps.  Mom said she would have understood had it been a female kitty, but how a male kitty knew to put the heat right where and when I needed it...   ??? 

I miss that cat soooo much...


Maybe he just knew that you'd sit there and let him curl up next to you (and stay still) if he did it at the right time.  Cats learn quickly when & where they get their loving!  Our cats have always curled up next to me.  VorGuy, on the other hand, kicks covers off his feet if he gets too warm.  No cat curls up by his feet more than twice........
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Ambrosia Hino on August 27, 2010, 09:44:26 AM
Going all the way back to the OP, my MIL was like that for awhile (still is towards SIL's hubby).

DH was on the phone with his mom one night, and out of nowhere "Is she pregnant yet? Don't you know how to do that?"
Cue his reply of "We're still practicing"

She kept that up for over 2 years, and several months after she finally stopped, we announced that we were expecting. SIL's hubby is still getting harassed about it, but not as often, I think due to (A) she does have a grandbaby on the way and (B) SIL is having some major health issues that would make being pregnant a very bad idea for now.

For more recent topics...a few weeks ago I had a pregnant (stray) cat crawl into my pregnant lap for cuddles when she went into labor. She did decide to eventually move off of me & my front porch before any of the kittens arrived though.

I seem to attract cats that want to cuddle when I have cramps. My Princess-kitty always did, and several months after she passed, we got an older male cat, that prefers my stomach for a bed. Granted, after we got him, I only had my 'time' once, we'd had him for 6 weeks when I turned up pregnant. So now he cuddles next to me, and looks offended when he gets kicked by my tummy >:D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Kimblee on August 27, 2010, 03:50:11 PM
Going all the way back to the OP, my MIL was like that for awhile (still is towards SIL's hubby).

DH was on the phone with his mom one night, and out of nowhere "Is she pregnant yet? Don't you know how to do that?"
Cue his reply of "We're still practicing"

She kept that up for over 2 years, and several months after she finally stopped, we announced that we were expecting. SIL's hubby is still getting harassed about it, but not as often, I think due to (A) she does have a grandbaby on the way and (B) SIL is having some major health issues that would make being pregnant a very bad idea for now.

For more recent topics...a few weeks ago I had a pregnant (stray) cat crawl into my pregnant lap for cuddles when she went into labor. She did decide to eventually move off of me & my front porch before any of the kittens arrived though.

I seem to attract cats that want to cuddle when I have cramps. My Princess-kitty always did, and several months after she passed, we got an older male cat, that prefers my stomach for a bed. Granted, after we got him, I only had my 'time' once, we'd had him for 6 weeks when I turned up pregnant. So now he cuddles next to me, and looks offended when he gets kicked by my tummy >:D

My cat Alphonse liked to lay in my lap while she had kittens. She wanted a human doula apparently. ;D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Ambrosia Hino on August 28, 2010, 10:04:31 AM
Going all the way back to the OP, my MIL was like that for awhile (still is towards SIL's hubby).

DH was on the phone with his mom one night, and out of nowhere "Is she pregnant yet? Don't you know how to do that?"
Cue his reply of "We're still practicing"

She kept that up for over 2 years, and several months after she finally stopped, we announced that we were expecting. SIL's hubby is still getting harassed about it, but not as often, I think due to (A) she does have a grandbaby on the way and (B) SIL is having some major health issues that would make being pregnant a very bad idea for now.

For more recent topics...a few weeks ago I had a pregnant (stray) cat crawl into my pregnant lap for cuddles when she went into labor. She did decide to eventually move off of me & my front porch before any of the kittens arrived though.

I seem to attract cats that want to cuddle when I have cramps. My Princess-kitty always did, and several months after she passed, we got an older male cat, that prefers my stomach for a bed. Granted, after we got him, I only had my 'time' once, we'd had him for 6 weeks when I turned up pregnant. So now he cuddles next to me, and looks offended when he gets kicked by my tummy >:D

My cat Alphonse liked to lay in my lap while she had kittens. She wanted a human doula apparently. ;D

If she'd been my cat, I wouldn't have been as shocked. Considering that she's a stray, that a year ago wouldn't let anyone come within 10 feet of her (she relaxed, watching the entire street "oooh and ahhh" over her one surviving kitten...now she'll receive pets if I'm there, but she's still nervy around anyone else), I felt very honored, if not a bit grossed out to be covered in kitty blood. She did decide to move onto my front porch and out of my lap, once her year-old daughter arrived to see to her, and they moved elsewhere before things progressed further (so maybe the first hour or so was right in front of me)
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: wolfie on August 31, 2010, 07:29:10 PM
Probably unrelated, but I once had a kitty who would curl up on my tummy and purr whenever I had cramps.  Mom said she would have understood had it been a female kitty, but how a male kitty knew to put the heat right where and when I needed it...   ??? 

I miss that cat soooo much...


A cat's purr is at a frequency that encourages healing - that is why you sometimes see injured cats purring to themselves. I have heard many stories of sick people that had cats come to the area that was hurt, lie on it, and purr. So maybe they just know.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Fud on September 01, 2010, 01:34:17 AM
Care to expand at what frequency that is?
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: wolfie on September 01, 2010, 10:51:45 AM
Care to expand at what frequency that is?

Yes:

"It seems that the measurable Hertz of a cat's purr lies between 25 and 150. Coincidentally (or not) it has been found that sound frequency in this range can stimilate bone growth and healing. A newer theory is that purring releases endorphins - natural analgesics that reduce pain while healing proceeds"

http://cats.about.com/cs/catmanagement101/a/why_cats_purr.htm
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Jan74 on December 18, 2010, 09:40:41 AM
I just changed jobs after working in a toxoplasmosis lab for 5 years. An infected cat will only shed ONCE in it's life for 3-4 days, and as long as all feces are disposed of in 24 hours or less, the oocysts will not sporulate and become infective to people...

I had to explain this to the SOHES (Safety and Occupational Health Something Something) lady when she found out I had a positive antibody titer to Toxo and was tearful explaining how I could never have children. Erm... no... infact now I will pass on the antibodies to my child if and when I have one...

There is no reason to get rid of a cat if the woman is pregnant, just learn how to take care of it :P

/steps off of soapbox

Also, according to my vet, "if you are ever pregnant, just wear disposable gloves when you clean the litter". Even in that situation, you need to actually touch the feces.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Minmom3 on December 21, 2010, 10:25:10 PM
I just changed jobs after working in a toxoplasmosis lab for 5 years. An infected cat will only shed ONCE in it's life for 3-4 days, and as long as all feces are disposed of in 24 hours or less, the oocysts will not sporulate and become infective to people...

I had to explain this to the SOHES (Safety and Occupational Health Something Something) lady when she found out I had a positive antibody titer to Toxo and was tearful explaining how I could never have children. Erm... no... infact now I will pass on the antibodies to my child if and when I have one...

There is no reason to get rid of a cat if the woman is pregnant, just learn how to take care of it :P

/steps off of soapbox

Also, according to my vet, "if you are ever pregnant, just wear disposable gloves when you clean the litter". Even in that situation, you need to actually touch the feces.



AND leave it in the box for over 24 hours.  If picked up within hours of being deposited, toxoplasmosis will not have sporulated, which is the oh-so-contagious stage of it.   Given that nobody wants to leave feces in the box any longer than they have to, it's awfully easy to stay safe.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Bluenomi on December 21, 2010, 10:50:56 PM
My cats never tried to get in the crib with any of my babies, but they'd get in my lap when I was holding one....

I'm currently pregnant, and my cat insists on sitting on my lap every chance she gets. I'm just waiting for her to get kicked through my stomach. I can't wait to see the reaction!

DD and the cat had fights when DD was still on the inside. DD would kick, the cat would poke back, DD would kick again, so the cat poked again. It went on until the cat got cranky and moved  ;D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Hushabye on December 22, 2010, 12:02:05 PM
My cats never tried to get in the crib with any of my babies, but they'd get in my lap when I was holding one....

I'm currently pregnant, and my cat insists on sitting on my lap every chance she gets. I'm just waiting for her to get kicked through my stomach. I can't wait to see the reaction!

DD and the cat had fights when DD was still on the inside. DD would kick, the cat would poke back, DD would kick again, so the cat poked again. It went on until the cat got cranky and moved  ;D

I'm still waiting for that to happen with the Munchkin.  I know you can feel him kick, but I've been mostly keeping the cats off my bump.  So he has fights with the laptop instead.  It's a bit one-sided but hilarious.  ;D
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: Julep on December 22, 2010, 12:40:25 PM
My cat likes sleeping on my belly (since I got pregnant, never before) so much that she has taken to crawling under the covers at night to drape herself across my belly and just purrrrrr. Before five months ago, she never went under the covers and would FREAK if I tried to cover her up.

The way I see it, if I have a fussy baby, instead of singing, I'll just get the cat to purr at it. Maybe even record the purring and play it in a loop. At this point, it's got to be the most familiar sound in there, maybe moreso than my own voice or heartbeat.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: NotCinderell on January 01, 2011, 05:30:15 PM
My co-worker snorted when I read that to her.  (We are bad about swapping funny stories at work.)  She said, "Honey, I was married in 1957, no one had ever talked to me about sex, no one had ever talked to my husband about sex.  But you know, it doesn't take a whole lot of education to figure that one out!

Marie Stopes became a sex educator because her first marriage was such a disaster. She was a high honours SCIENCE graduate of Munich University, yet she didn't know when she got married that sex even existed! She went to the doctor a few years after marriage to find out why she hadn't had a child, and he told her she had to have sex. She had never heard of it. Her husband was impotent.
Found this on an urban legend site.
http://snopes.com/pregnant/nosex.asp

Marie Stopes's story is directly out of her autobiography.

A friend of mine has a friend who works with infertile couples in Israel.  She told my friend that she has had couples come in who believed that they were infertile and were actually not completing the sex act correctly.  I don't know any details as to why or how, but that's what my friend told me.
Title: Re: "Do you know how?"
Post by: VorFemme on January 02, 2011, 10:33:14 AM
In college, I heard about an early (before the 1960s - I don't remember if the instructor mentioned a decade - I'm counting back because he said one of HIS professors mentioned working for the doctor doing the infertility counseling some years later, so I assumed that the events had to have happened at least thirty to forty years earlier - so, sometime between the 1920s and the 1960s - I was in class with a forty year old professor in the mid 1980s) infertility counselling session.........

Even then, it was easier to get a sperm sample & run it under a microscope to check for motility and number of sperm - so they did that first.  The male was deemed to be fertile.........

The female was undressed..........and asked if she shaved her body hair.  Normal "female" externally - but, she'd never had any body hair.  A short examination later and a quick check to see if she had Barr Bodies in her cells.  Nope, but there was a quick explanation of why she wasn't menstruating "on a regular basis" and such...........

Male pseudo hermaphrodite given a female name, raised as a girl, and married now (to a doctor, no less) and they wanted children.  They were told that they would have to adopt - I assume (he didn't say) that the condescended testes were removed to minimize the risk of cancer from them at a later date...........

It boggled HIS mind (and ours) that a doctor wouldn't notice that his wife had no body hair and never had a period - but the condition is "rare" enough (or at least diagnosed so rarely at the time) that it probably never occurred to him.  I understand that there are more cases diagnosed in the 21st century - but that might be relating to hormones in the ground water, better diagnostic tools, and the ability to run computer searches on "symptoms" to narrow down possibilities even if you aren't seeing "Doctor Gregory House, the diagnostic whiz".