Etiquette Hell

Forum Administration => Forum Announcements => Topic started by: realgonegal1 on July 08, 2008, 08:16:36 PM

Title: When threads get locked....
Post by: realgonegal1 on July 08, 2008, 08:16:36 PM
Usually it's pretty obvious when a thread gets locked....it was moved, or it degenerated into something non-productive.

But today, there are two that were locked and I don't really understand why.  One seemed like it could go many ways, while another was just a few posts long and pretty mild.

This worries me because I feel like I am a bit on my toes here.  I'm still new compared to some of the regular posters, and I'm a bit afraid of upsetting people.  I have seen some threads really get bad quickly, and I'm probably guilty of fanning the flames myself a few times.  But I'm afraid of getting locked or even banned for stuff I don't understand, perhaps because of a precedent that has been set in the past etc.  I've read the rules (and finally get the concept of a troll) but I know that some "old hands" remember bad/sensitive topics.  Wheras other newer people like me weren't around for "the great toilet paper direction debate of 2004" (I made that up, but you get the idea) and might post something like "gee, which is the best way to face toilet paper?"

Is it possible for the mods to post why a thread was locked?  Sometimes they do (such as "this topic has been exhausted, we're done here"), and it helps me understand why things were shut down.  It need not be anything detailed..."this person is a troll", "this is innapropriate", "this is a sentitive topic that was covered to death".

What do you think?
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: hot_shaker on July 08, 2008, 08:47:08 PM
I've been noticing this trend lately.  Just this evening, I came across 2 or 3 locked threads that looked perfectly innocuous to me.  I think was only had a few responses, there didn't seem to be any hostility or taboo subjects.  There wasn't even any moderation (well, other than the thread being locked).

Technically, I've been around for a while although I've only really been active for a year but, like Grinchette, I'm concerned about there being unspoken but forbidden topics.  I would very much appreciate some sort of reasoning as to why a thread was closed, even if it's just a few words.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Romes7329 on July 09, 2008, 07:48:21 AM
I think the two threads that you are talking about were closed because they have nothing to do with etiquette.  They were mostly just a rant and no actual etiquette question was asked.

Threads created just to vent aren't allowed on this forum.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: hot_shaker on July 10, 2008, 08:25:44 PM
I think the two threads that you are talking about were closed because they have nothing to do with etiquette.  They were mostly just a rant and no actual etiquette question was asked.

Threads created just to vent aren't allowed on this forum.

That's what I was thinking, but I think it would be nice to have a final post from a mod stating the reason.  This would be especially helpful for newcomers.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: caroljones on October 06, 2008, 01:25:32 PM
I think the two threads that you are talking about were closed because they have nothing to do with etiquette.  They were mostly just a rant and no actual etiquette question was asked.

Threads created just to vent aren't allowed on this forum.

There is another one today that I'm curious about. It is in this section: A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. > Entertainment and News

The mod locked it and said it had nothing to do with etiquette. I thought the topic of discussion was OK since it was in an off-topic discussion thread. Can someone enlighten me, please?
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Julep on October 06, 2008, 01:49:44 PM
Count me as curious too. The mod's comment was stern, and in an off-topic forum, I was surprised to see it locked.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Elle on October 06, 2008, 02:04:42 PM
If it was the OJ simpson one, I see how that one could have gotten heated and out of hand in short order.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: hot_shaker on October 06, 2008, 02:08:17 PM
If it was the OJ simpson one, I see how that one could have gotten heated and out of hand in short order.

Yeah, just looking at the few comments, that thread seemed like it was headed for trouble.  Actually when I saw it this morning, I wondered when it would be locked.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: caroljones on October 06, 2008, 02:14:56 PM
If it was the OJ simpson one, I see how that one could have gotten heated and out of hand in short order.

My curiosity stemmed from the comment by the mod that it had nothing to do with etiquette. There wasn't any mention about it being heated or inappropriate content. That's all I was wondering about.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: sparksals on October 06, 2008, 02:19:31 PM
The old forum used to have a 'Boiler Room' Folder for vents.  However, Miss Jeanne decided it was unproductive and the rants became over the top that spilled into other threads.  That is why vents aren't allowed here and there has to be a relation to etiquette for the thread not to be locked.  There also used to be a folder that notified if someone was gagged/banned and a brief reason why.  That folder was removed, can't remember the reason why.

As for locked topics, I agree that a post by the mod before locking it would be helpful.  I've been here a loooong time and sometimes I am genuinely perplexed as to why a thread is locked. 
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: MDefarge on October 06, 2008, 02:31:01 PM
The old forum used to have a 'Boiler Room' Folder for vents.  However, Miss Jeanne decided it was unproductive and the rants became over the top that spilled into other threads.  That is why vents aren't allowed here and there has to be a relation to etiquette for the thread not to be locked.  There also used to be a folder that notified if someone was gagged/banned and a brief reason why.  That folder was removed, can't remember the reason why.
As for locked topics, I agree that a post by the mod before locking it would be helpful.  I've been here a loooong time and sometimes I am genuinely perplexed as to why a thread is locked. 

The mods probably figured it was none of our business/would just lead to gossiping if we were all told when someone was banned/gagged.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Deetee on October 06, 2008, 02:38:46 PM
In some instances locking with no discussion is preferred as it removes arguments over whether something should be locked. I am not sure if that is the reasoning here, but on other boards I play on, it was stated. It did leave some flailing, but it also removed lawer-like arguing on the part of the members (If X thread was locked, why wasn't Y thread?)

To be honest, I'm a tad nervous even posting on this thread, as some other forums have rules that members may not discuss lockings/bannings at all.

My feeling is Mod's playground, Mod's rules.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Nimblicity on October 06, 2008, 03:18:11 PM
My thread was locked in the "I need a hug" folder.  For good reasons.  It was political, even though I hadn't meant to offend anyone.  I was just stressed about the situation and how it affected me.

 :-[ :-[
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Shores on October 06, 2008, 04:13:47 PM
If it was the OJ simpson one, I see how that one could have gotten heated and out of hand in short order.

My curiosity stemmed from the comment by the mod that it had nothing to do with etiquette. There wasn't any mention about it being heated or inappropriate content. That's all I was wondering about.
EhellDame has also said more than once that the discussion of sensationalist news is not up for discussion anywhere on the forum. And even off-topic posts shouldn't be mean-spirited or offensive. Off-topic does not equal free-for-all.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: sparksals on October 06, 2008, 05:31:40 PM
The old forum used to have a 'Boiler Room' Folder for vents.  However, Miss Jeanne decided it was unproductive and the rants became over the top that spilled into other threads.  That is why vents aren't allowed here and there has to be a relation to etiquette for the thread not to be locked.  There also used to be a folder that notified if someone was gagged/banned and a brief reason why.  That folder was removed, can't remember the reason why.
As for locked topics, I agree that a post by the mod before locking it would be helpful.  I've been here a loooong time and sometimes I am genuinely perplexed as to why a thread is locked. 

The mods probably figured it was none of our business/would just lead to gossiping if we were all told when someone was banned/gagged.

I don't believe that was the reason.  I think it had something to do with Miss Jeanne feeling the folder was not that useful and it was needed for other topics. 
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: sparksals on October 06, 2008, 05:34:57 PM
In some instances locking with no discussion is preferred as it removes arguments over whether something should be locked. I am not sure if that is the reasoning here, but on other boards I play on, it was stated. It did leave some flailing, but it also removed lawer-like arguing on the part of the members (If X thread was locked, why wasn't Y thread?)

To be honest, I'm a tad nervous even posting on this thread, as some other forums have rules that members may not discuss lockings/bannings at all.

My feeling is Mod's playground, Mod's rules.

The topic comes up from time to time and as far as I know, it's not a verboten subject.   There was a long thread that asked about MIA people, that was eventually locked, but it had gone on for a long time and ran its course.

I wonder if we belong to the same site.  There's another board to which I belong where it is verboten to speak of bannings or even previous members who are banned.  They go on wild banfests and there's a real inequal distribution of the rules that apply to some people and not others. 
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Deetee on October 06, 2008, 06:06:43 PM
In some instances locking with no discussion is preferred as it removes arguments over whether something should be locked. I am not sure if that is the reasoning here, but on other boards I play on, it was stated. It did leave some flailing, but it also removed lawer-like arguing on the part of the members (If X thread was locked, why wasn't Y thread?)

To be honest, I'm a tad nervous even posting on this thread, as some other forums have rules that members may not discuss lockings/bannings at all.

My feeling is Mod's playground, Mod's rules.

The topic comes up from time to time and as far as I know, it's not a verboten subject.   There was a long thread that asked about MIA people, that was eventually locked, but it had gone on for a long time and ran its course.

I wonder if we belong to the same site.  There's another board to which I belong where it is verboten to speak of bannings or even previous members who are banned.  They go on wild banfests and there's a real inequal distribution of the rules that apply to some people and not others. 

I know it's OK to discuss the rules here (and banned posters) but it doesn't stop me feeling nervous. I think it's because the very first forum I posted on had very strong rules against any discussion of banned posters that got quite ingrained in me.

To be fair, the other place is much more of a free for all in almost all other respects, so I think a bit more of a dictatorship approach to moderating works in that setting.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: snowball's chance on October 07, 2008, 11:59:05 AM
My thread was locked in the "I need a hug" folder.  For good reasons.  It was political, even though I hadn't meant to offend anyone.  I was just stressed about the situation and how it affected me.

 :-[ :-[

IME, it's best to take these discussions to PM or a political forum.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: snowball's chance on October 07, 2008, 12:03:07 PM
If it was the OJ simpson one, I see how that one could have gotten heated and out of hand in short order.

My curiosity stemmed from the comment by the mod that it had nothing to do with etiquette. There wasn't any mention about it being heated or inappropriate content. That's all I was wondering about.
EhellDame has also said more than once that the discussion of sensationalist news is not up for discussion anywhere on the forum. And even off-topic posts shouldn't be mean-spirited or offensive. Off-topic does not equal free-for-all.

Pod, especially in "I Need a Hug".  Posting in this folder does not mean other posters are rude to offer their opinion/advice on the situation, and I don't it's fair when the OP gets angry & defensive when this happens.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: nliedel on October 07, 2008, 12:23:21 PM
Yes, a short note, where appropriate on why a thread was locked would be nice, but it could also lead to a lot of mod questions and more locked threads. It's just one of those things we put up with here. Yes there is such a thing as free speech, but this is a private forum (owned and paid for by our own Miss Jeanne) and she does have final say. I must state that I belong to three forums and this is by far the most civil, even when people disagree.

Which is a huzzah in my book. Oops, forgot about the Renaissance Forum, make that four.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Surianne on October 27, 2008, 06:35:48 PM
Quote
Pod, especially in "I Need a Hug".  Posting in this folder does not mean other posters are rude to offer their opinion/advice on the situation, and I don't it's fair when the OP gets angry & defensive when this happens.

Would it be acceptable for OPs in the I Need a Hug forum to add a quick note to their post, saying "Hugs only, no advice for now"?  I feel like sometimes posters just want to be able to know someone cares, without getting into advice/debates.

I was just thinking about writing forums I respond to, where there is a set forum for posting pieces of writing with no criticism allowed.  In the main forum, you post your writing for constructive criticism, but then there's the other forum for just compliments.  It might be nice for posters to have that option within the "I need a hug" forum...just an idea though, I don't know how everyone else would feel about that.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Elle on November 03, 2008, 03:08:57 AM
I'm confused, why would you post a story if you didn't want to get criticism?  ???
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: hot_shaker on November 03, 2008, 04:38:38 AM
I'm confused, why would you post a story if you didn't want to get criticism?  ???

Because they just need a hug. :) I could see how someone just needs somewhere safe to share their problems, get a few "it's going to be okay"s, and not have to defend themselves.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: snowball's chance on November 03, 2008, 08:30:40 AM
I'm confused, why would you post a story if you didn't want to get criticism?  ???

Because they just need a hug. :) I could see how someone just needs somewhere safe to share their problems, get a few "it's going to be okay"s, and not have to defend themselves.

Yes, that's true, however, I have seen more than one thread in "I Need A Hug" where the OP *received* hugs & encouragement, but also recieved some constructive, helpful suggestions, or other perspectives to the issue, and the OP didn't want them & got really upset & responded, "I posted this in 'I Need a Hug' for a *reason*!!!" as though the fact that the thread is in "I Need a Hug" = all posters must agree with the OP 100%.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: hot_shaker on November 03, 2008, 10:06:46 AM
I'm confused, why would you post a story if you didn't want to get criticism?  ???

Because they just need a hug. :) I could see how someone just needs somewhere safe to share their problems, get a few "it's going to be okay"s, and not have to defend themselves.

Yes, that's true, however, I have seen more than one thread in "I Need A Hug" where the OP *received* hugs & encouragement, but also recieved some constructive, helpful suggestions, or other perspectives to the issue, and the OP didn't want them & got really upset & responded, "I posted this in 'I Need a Hug' for a *reason*!!!" as though the fact that the thread is in "I Need a Hug" = all posters must agree with the OP 100%.

I think it's just different needs.  Some people, depending on the issue and how long it's been going on, are ready for helpful opinions including criticism.  Some just need to be virtually patted on the back and that's all they can handle at that time.

I like Surianne's suggestion that the OP can ask just for hugs, no advice.  That way, any potential posters no right away that the poster is not open to suggestions and/or criticism and then decide if they care to post.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Brentwood on November 03, 2008, 10:09:00 AM
I'm confused, why would you post a story if you didn't want to get criticism?  ???

Because they just need a hug. :)

I think Elle is referring to the writers' forum and is asking why someone would post a piece of their writing on a writing forum if they didn't want criticism. Compliments are always welcome, of course, but growing as a writer requires constructive criticism.

Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: hot_shaker on November 03, 2008, 10:25:40 AM
I'm confused, why would you post a story if you didn't want to get criticism?  ???

Because they just need a hug. :)

I think Elle is referring to the writers' forum and is asking why someone would post a piece of their writing on a writing forum if they didn't want criticism. Compliments are always welcome, of course, but growing as a writer requires constructive criticism.

Ah yes, I see.  I must have missed that part.  I just saw forum and I assumed she meant the main EHell forum. Sorry about that.  :)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Surianne on November 03, 2008, 08:32:50 PM
Oops, I assumed main eHell forum too.  Since I was the one who posted about the writing board: Yeah, I prefer to post in order to receive criticism, and I don't generally frequent the "just compliments please" threads, but I think it's for when you're having a bad day.  Writer's block, self doubt, and rejection letters can all be pretty brutal...so I guess it's nice to be able to post a bit of your work and hear, for the moment, only about what you're doing right.  Sometimes you just need that little bit of encouragement. 
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: twinkletoes on November 04, 2008, 11:27:36 AM
I'm coming in late, but I'd like to say that I agree with a quick explanation from the mod locking the thread.  It can just be "we don't discuss politics here" or whatever.  There have been threads where it's obvious to me why it's locked; but there have been some that were real head-scratchers.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Elle on November 04, 2008, 01:06:59 PM
I'm confused, why would you post a story if you didn't want to get criticism?  ???

Because they just need a hug. :)

I think Elle is referring to the writers' forum and is asking why someone would post a piece of their writing on a writing forum if they didn't want criticism. Compliments are always welcome, of course, but growing as a writer requires constructive criticism.

Ah yes, I see.  I must have missed that part.  I just saw forum and I assumed she meant the main EHell forum. Sorry about that.  :)

That's okay. I wasn't really clear. I did mean the writer's forum. I totally get that sometimes the "I need a hug" posters just need a hug.  ;D

I blame the lack of sleep I'ver had the past week. Can't you people read my mind yet?  ;D
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: blue2000 on November 04, 2008, 03:23:22 PM
I'm confused, why would you post a story if you didn't want to get criticism?  ???

Because they just need a hug. :)

I think Elle is referring to the writers' forum and is asking why someone would post a piece of their writing on a writing forum if they didn't want criticism. Compliments are always welcome, of course, but growing as a writer requires constructive criticism.

Ah yes, I see.  I must have missed that part.  I just saw forum and I assumed she meant the main EHell forum. Sorry about that.  :)

That's okay. I wasn't really clear. I did mean the writer's forum. I totally get that sometimes the "I need a hug" posters just need a hug.  ;D

I blame the lack of sleep I'ver had the past week. Can't you people read my mind yet?  ;D

Aww! That's too bad that you can't sleep. Do you need a hug? ;)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Elle on November 04, 2008, 03:31:20 PM

Aww! That's too bad that you can't sleep. Do you need a hug? ;)

ROFL! No, I've been at a seminar that tried to cram two weeks of info into four and a half days, on top of my usual work duties. I love learning but going from 9am to 1:30am is tough!
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: goblue2539 on November 13, 2008, 05:53:08 PM
I blame the lack of sleep I'ver had the past week. Can't you people read my mind yet?  ;D

I know I"m a week late, but I wanted to apologize.  I accidentally signed up for psychology classes, not psychic classes this semester.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: mbbored on November 21, 2008, 12:39:06 AM
May I add my agreement to the idea that there's a post as to why a thread is locked?

I really appreciate the time and effort moderators put into keeping this a safe, drama-free and topical forum.  But it would contribute to my peace of mind to understand why a thread is locked.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: kingsrings on November 21, 2008, 12:14:14 PM
Me too. Sometimes I am left wondering why a thread was closed. Not only that, but if there is an explanation, it prevents the same thing that caused a thread to be closed from happening again in the future.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: MineralDiva on November 29, 2008, 03:05:07 PM
I noticed that a thread I began recently has been locked.  While there is no "official" explanation, it seems somewhat obvious (at least to me) from some of the most recent posts, that things had begun to deteriorate beyond the suggesting of  "etiquette approved" solutions to the issue in the OP.  Though it could have been an interesting and informative discussion about how to handle something, it unfortunately touched on one of those sensitive topics of which we've all been admonished to be mindful with our postings - and was headed down hill.

Sooo...the thread got the online equivalent of the "icy stare of doom."  And I will try to be more careful in the future.  My apologies.     
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: cass2591 on December 01, 2008, 03:11:16 PM
Sometimes when I lock a thread and comment about it, I get a PM from either the OP or someone who posted in the thread blasting me for doing so.

Trust me when I say I will not tolerate this anymore.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: sparksals on December 01, 2008, 03:35:48 PM
Sometimes when I lock a thread and comment about it, I get a PM from either the OP or someone who posted in the thread blasting me for doing so.

Trust me when I say I will not tolerate this anymore.

Wow! That's rude!  I don't blame you for not tolerating it!
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Scritzy on December 01, 2008, 04:16:12 PM
Sometimes when I lock a thread and comment about it, I get a PM from either the OP or someone who posted in the thread blasting me for doing so.

Trust me when I say I will not tolerate this anymore.

 :o :o :o
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: kingsrings on December 01, 2008, 04:16:56 PM
Neither do I! That is so not okay.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: wordgirl on December 01, 2008, 04:26:51 PM
Trust me when I say I will not tolerate this anymore.
I do trust you, and please don't.

I do find the explanations to be helpful, so I appreciate them when they are provided. When they are not, I do my best to guess and move on. I would suspect that the majority of unexplained "lockings" come from discussions that are off-topic, but that's just a guess.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: MissJezebel on December 31, 2008, 05:52:30 AM

My feeling is Mod's playground, Mod's rules.

I wonder if we belong to the same site.  There's another board to which I belong where it is verboten to speak of bannings or even previous members who are banned.  They go on wild banfests and there's a real inequal distribution of the rules that apply to some people and not others. 


hmmm.. been there, done I had been a mod on another forum for a few years that was shut down because some of my fellow moderators decided to ban people because they had personal issues with them or were just in a bad mood that day. Everyone stopped posting because they were afraid of the mods and the admin deleted the forum. It was kinda sad...they way some abused power and everyone had to suffer....

if you abuse and threaten your forum members....eventualy you will have no forum. You might have to take some flack but it is part of the job description. Part of what is wrong with the world today is that no one knows how to accept constructive criticism.....or face the fact that not everyone is gonna agree with them.....especially when they have a "bow down to me" attitude.

(and if I get banned for saying that....well then that just proves my point....)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on December 31, 2008, 06:29:39 AM
if you abuse and threaten your forum members....eventualy you will have no forum. You might have to take some flack but it is part of the job description. Part of what is wrong with the world today is that no one knows how to accept constructive criticism.....or face the fact that not everyone is gonna agree with them.....especially when they have a "bow down to me" attitude.
(and if I get banned for saying that....well then that just proves my point....)

But that has never happened here. The rules are applied to everyone equally. Even if someone has a gazillion posts, if that person breaks the rules, s/he is gagged or banned. End of story.

With threads that are locked it's usually patently obvious as to why. Either the discussion got heated or it was simply completely off-topic. And anyone who feels that someone else has been rude or broken the rules is free to report that person. I have only reported about five threads/posts in all the time I've been here, but they were always dealt with, even if nothing was said in the thread itself.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: wordgirl on December 31, 2008, 06:51:48 AM


But that has never happened here. The rules are applied to everyone equally. Even if someone has a gazillion posts, if that person breaks the rules, s/he is gagged or banned. End of story.

With threads that are locked it's usually patently obvious as to why. Either the discussion got heated or it was simply completely off-topic. And anyone who feels that someone else has been rude or broken the rules is free to report that person. I have only reported about five threads/posts in all the time I've been here, but they were always dealt with, even if nothing was said in the thread itself.
Agreed.

And this is not a forum where anyone gets banned for disagreeing with the mods, at least not that I've seen.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: MDefarge on December 31, 2008, 07:59:28 AM


But that has never happened here. The rules are applied to everyone equally. Even if someone has a gazillion posts, if that person breaks the rules, s/he is gagged or banned. End of story.

With threads that are locked it's usually patently obvious as to why. Either the discussion got heated or it was simply completely off-topic. And anyone who feels that someone else has been rude or broken the rules is free to report that person. I have only reported about five threads/posts in all the time I've been here, but they were always dealt with, even if nothing was said in the thread itself.
Agreed.

And this is not a forum where anyone gets banned for disagreeing with the mods, at least not that I've seen.

The only exception I've seen to that (and I'm not at ALL saying it applies to anyone in this thread) is if they are doing it in a way that makes it obvious that they are just a troll - like repeating a ridiculous argument, refusing to stop talking about something they have already been spoken to about, referencing "other" forums. 
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Mrs. Eclipse on February 06, 2009, 03:35:38 PM
If it's really bugging you, you can't tell why it was locked, is it ok to message the mod and ask?

I always worry that I bug people...
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Clara Bow on February 08, 2009, 04:13:31 PM
I can't see why a polite request in a PM would be a problem, as long as you're prepared to either not get an answer or get a beandip. Our mods are some of the least gossipy-dishy I've seen.....
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: ydpubs on February 10, 2009, 11:07:20 AM
The main reason I would want to know is if it really is not clear to me why the thread was locked/deleted, because I really do not want to inadvertently create a thread or post on a problem subject.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: snowball's chance on February 10, 2009, 11:23:49 AM
The main reason I would want to know is if it really is not clear to me why the thread was locked/deleted, because I really do not want to inadvertently create a thread or post on a problem subject.

If I have a question about why a thread was locked, I PM an EHellion or two whose opinions I trust & have been on the board longer than me, and I have received PMs from OPs asking for my opinion re: the appropriateness of the thread.

Sometimes an OP can start a thread where the OP is fine, but it veers off into something contentious, so it gets locked.

Some of the thread topics that are likely to get locked IME b/c they veer into contentious territory:

reproductive choices (the Duggars, Octuplet Mom)
Should guests where shoes on or off in the house?
breast-feeding
Shopping carts: return to cart corral in the parking lot, or leave next to your parking space?
Serve or not serve alcohol &/or meat at parties/events
Strollers on buses
cigarette smoking
school supplies
I can't think of anymore off the top of my head. 

Political posts praising/denigrating any political figure or policy are not allowed.  Posts about scrabble etiquette/tips/techniques/practices aren't allowed, it doesn't matter if you are referring to one-game Scrabble partner or your spouse.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: kingsrings on February 10, 2009, 11:37:40 AM
Here is an additional new contentious topic – the etiquette of dialing wrong numbers, how to handle, and whether it is okay to call back hang-up numbers on one’s phone.

Buying snacks from the concession stand in movie theaters vs. bringing your own in.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: ydpubs on February 10, 2009, 11:42:15 AM
The main reason I would want to know is if it really is not clear to me why the thread was locked/deleted, because I really do not want to inadvertently create a thread or post on a problem subject.

If I have a question about why a thread was locked, I PM an EHellion or two whose opinions I trust & have been on the board longer than me, and I have received PMs from OPs asking for my opinion re: the appropriateness of the thread.

Sometimes an OP can start a thread where the OP is fine, but it veers off into something contentious, so it gets locked.

Some of the thread topics that are likely to get locked IME b/c they veer into contentious territory:

reproductive choices (the Duggars, Octuplet Mom)
Should guests where shoes on or off in the house?
breast-feeding
Shopping carts: return to cart corral in the parking lot, or leave next to your parking space?
Serve or not serve alcohol &/or meat at parties/events
Strollers on buses
cigarette smoking
school supplies
I can't think of anymore off the top of my head. 

Political posts praising/denigrating any political figure or policy are not allowed.  Posts about scrabble etiquette/tips/techniques/practices aren't allowed, it doesn't matter if you are referring to one-game Scrabble partner or your spouse.

Thank you mm250. Yes, some of those topics I have seen implode. I usually just run like the wind when they do come up (especially tipping, yikes!)

I try not to bug the mods, because on this busy forum they have enough to do. I will try PM if there is a thread that is locked and I truly do not know why and my only wish is to avoid adding to or starting more issues.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Team HoundMom on February 10, 2009, 11:53:43 AM
The main reason I would want to know is if it really is not clear to me why the thread was locked/deleted, because I really do not want to inadvertently create a thread or post on a problem subject.
Some of the thread topics that are likely to get locked IME b/c they veer into contentious territory:
school supplies

What could be contentious about "school supplies"?
(Or is that code for something, like "scrabble"?   :P)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: snowball's chance on February 10, 2009, 11:58:31 AM
What could be contentious about "school supplies"?

SInce I joined the forum, each end of summer a thread started about whether teachers had the right to dictate supply brands (CRAYOLA crayons vs. Wal-mart, PUFFS tissues) on school supplies lists.  This delved into people posting their opinions about education funding, property taxes, reproductive choices, welfare, public schools, & other hot-button issues.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: cbcb on February 10, 2009, 12:01:32 PM
I'm surprised about the shoes off or on - Being from the north, I'd say I can see that there's no "right answer" but that it probably just very much depends on the weather/seasonality of where you live!
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Team HoundMom on February 10, 2009, 12:05:00 PM
What could be contentious about "school supplies"?
SInce I joined the forum, each end of summer a thread started about whether teachers had the right to dictate supply brands (CRAYOLA crayons vs. Wal-mart, PUFFS tissues) on school supplies lists.  This delved into people posting their opinions about education funding, property taxes, reproductive choices, welfare, public schools, & other hot-button issues.

Ohhhhh. That makes sense. Thanks!

Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: snowball's chance on February 10, 2009, 12:10:35 PM
I'm surprised about the shoes off or on - Being from the north, I'd say I can see that there's no "right answer" but that it probably just very much depends on the weather/seasonality of where you live!

It's one of those topics where many people firmly believe one way or the other, and assume (through my observation) that others feel the way they do.  Some feel it's rude to ask guests to take off shoes, some don't.

"OF COURSE no one wants to take off their shoes at someone else's house!", will get reply upon reply of people who don't mind at all, & prefer it b/c they hate shoes.

"It snows six months a year here, of course, you'd never wear shoes/boots inside" - someone will reply & say they live at North Pole & would never make their guests take their shoes off.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: cbcb on February 10, 2009, 12:31:55 PM
That's so funny - I can see having a preference in your place, but not the passionate defense of that preference as being correct, etiquette-wise!
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Animala on February 10, 2009, 09:30:39 PM
You should do a search.  There are a few camps-


~The guest should be able to do what the guest chooses (on or off)
~The host should be able to dictate that the shoes stay on because- feet are dirty, feet stink, feet are ugly, etc
~The host should be able to dictate that the shoes come off because- it will mess up the carpet, hard wood floor, track  in germs/dirt, etc.

I think those are the main ones.  Shopping carts and eating unpaid for food in the grocery store are fun too.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: kingsrings on February 11, 2009, 05:16:06 PM
Oh, and let's not forget the hot topic of having coffee on hand to serve to overnight guests.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: clairesmom77 on February 11, 2009, 05:49:51 PM
I love ehell because I'm pretty sure that it's the only place on the planet where school supplies, shoes on/off in the house, and shopping carts are controversial issues.  :)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Brentwood on February 11, 2009, 06:07:09 PM
I love ehell because I'm pretty sure that it's the only place on the planet where school supplies, shoes on/off in the house, and shopping carts are controversial issues.  :)

Oh, no. It's not. One of the first great spectacular flame wars I witnessed was over shopping carts.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: snowball's chance on February 11, 2009, 06:09:42 PM
Oh, and let's not forget the hot topic of having coffee on hand to serve to overnight guests.

on your way to bringing the guest to your house of worship, and the guest is a S.O. you're hosting under your parents' roof  ;)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: CrayonOutlines on February 11, 2009, 06:12:44 PM
OT, but dangit, Cathy!  I'm all excited about approaching 1000 posts and you're a couple away from 18,000!  I'll never catch up!   :P
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: C0mputerGeek on February 11, 2009, 06:24:02 PM
I love ehell because I'm pretty sure that it's the only place on the planet where school supplies, shoes on/off in the house, and shopping carts are controversial issues.  :)

Yes, I was amazed at the discussion over recipe sharing, blue jeans in the court room, and keeping a coffee pot on hand for guests. The recipe thread had me wishing I could experience the situation myself just so I could send it in to Miss Manners to get her take on it.

Contentious threads are, however, an excellent way to highlight how one's own expectations are formed by one's circle of acquaintances.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: blue2000 on February 11, 2009, 06:33:24 PM
Very true.

I had a conversation with my co-workers about gravy. My family always puts milk in it. Apparently this makes us incredibly weird.

I had to laugh over it, as I never expected to have a huge, contentious discussion over the ingredients of gravy!!!
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Brentwood on February 11, 2009, 06:46:05 PM
OT, but dangit, Cathy!  I'm all excited about approaching 1000 posts and you're a couple away from 18,000!  I'll never catch up!   :P

Some people would say I talk too much. ;)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: ch1pch0p on February 11, 2009, 06:50:54 PM
Very true.

I had a conversation with my co-workers about gravy. My family always puts milk in it. Apparently this makes us incredibly weird.

I had to laugh over it, as I never expected to have a huge, contentious discussion over the ingredients of gravy!!!

Um, yeah. Weird. ;-)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Scritzy on February 11, 2009, 06:51:57 PM
OT, but dangit, Cathy!  I'm all excited about approaching 1000 posts and you're a couple away from 18,000!  I'll never catch up!   :P

Some people would say I talk too much. ;)

You don't talk too much. You just have a lot of things to say. ;)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Alida on February 11, 2009, 06:55:03 PM
I can't see why a polite request in a PM would be a problem, as long as you're prepared to either not get an answer or get a beandip. Our mods are some of the least gossipy-dishy I've seen.....

And this is why we love them so! :)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Team HoundMom on February 11, 2009, 07:26:37 PM
I love ehell because I'm pretty sure that it's the only place on the planet where school supplies, shoes on/off in the house, and shopping carts are controversial issues.  :)

I don't know about you guys but I think "quickly bringing your sick kittycat in a kitty-carrier into the pharmacy to pick up its prescription" is getting there too!  ;)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Trisha on February 11, 2009, 09:04:51 PM
Oh, and let's not forget the hot topic of having coffee on hand to serve to overnight guests.

on your way to bringing the guest to your house of worship, and the guest is a S.O. you're hosting under your parents' roof  ;)

And the etiquette of wireless signal names. :)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: sparksals on February 12, 2009, 06:02:10 PM
I'm surprised about the shoes off or on - Being from the north, I'd say I can see that there's no "right answer" but that it probably just very much depends on the weather/seasonality of where you live!

EEEEeeek!! Trust me on this one, cbcb!  I grew up in Canada and know exactly where you're coming from.  I now live in the US and used to live in a State where shoes off was not the norm and I learned quickly how regional it is, among others, an etiquette issue that gets very heated. 
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: sparksals on February 12, 2009, 06:06:04 PM
You should do a search.  There are a few camps-


~The guest should be able to do what the guest chooses (on or off)
~The host should be able to dictate that the shoes stay on because- feet are dirty, feet stink, feet are ugly, etc
~The host should be able to dictate that the shoes come off because- it will mess up the carpet, hard wood floor, track  in germs/dirt, etc.

I think those are the main ones.  Shopping carts and eating unpaid for food in the grocery store are fun too.

Let's not forget:
The guest who feels naked if they are asked to remove their shoes.

The guest who feels their comfort trumps that of the host's feelings on preserving a costly part of their home.

The guest who thinks that their outfit is more important than the host's floors and are offended when the host thinks their floors are more important than the guest's outfit. 

Enter vicious circle, endless debate AKA don't go there!  ;)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: sparksals on February 12, 2009, 06:07:03 PM
I love ehell because I'm pretty sure that it's the only place on the planet where school supplies, shoes on/off in the house, and shopping carts are controversial issues.  :)

Nope, shoes on/off is controversial everywhere.  A thread at another board I belong to finally got to posting limit much to everyone's relief.  It had the exact same arguments as here.  Trust me, it's not limited to EH.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: sparksals on February 12, 2009, 06:08:23 PM
I love ehell because I'm pretty sure that it's the only place on the planet where school supplies, shoes on/off in the house, and shopping carts are controversial issues.  :)

Yes, I was amazed at the discussion over recipe sharing, blue jeans in the court room, and keeping a coffee pot on hand for guests. The recipe thread had me wishing I could experience the situation myself just so I could send it in to Miss Manners to get her take on it.

Contentious threads are, however, an excellent way to highlight how one's own expectations are formed by one's circle of acquaintances.

Dang, I missed the jeans in the court room thread.   ---------> Cathy is running to search for it now!
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: AdakAK on February 12, 2009, 06:09:11 PM
Shopping carts is actually almost an inside-ish joke at another board I mostly lurk at.  It's not one that's limited to e-hell.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Animala on February 12, 2009, 06:58:48 PM
I love ehell because I'm pretty sure that it's the only place on the planet where school supplies, shoes on/off in the house, and shopping carts are controversial issues.  :)

Yes, I was amazed at the discussion over recipe sharing, blue jeans in the court room, and keeping a coffee pot on hand for guests. The recipe thread had me wishing I could experience the situation myself just so I could send it in to Miss Manners to get her take on it.

Contentious threads are, however, an excellent way to highlight how one's own expectations are formed by one's circle of acquaintances.

Dang, I missed the jeans in the court room thread.   ---------> Cathy is running to search for it now!

I think that one was about two months ago.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Brentwood on February 12, 2009, 08:48:19 PM
Shopping carts is actually almost an inside-ish joke at another board I mostly lurk at.  It's not one that's limited to e-hell.

The shopping cart controversy HAS become a joke at another board I'm on, along with, believe it or not, fried chicken.

Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Scritzy on February 12, 2009, 10:01:11 PM
The shopping cart controversy HAS become a joke at another board I'm on, along with, believe it or not, fried chicken.

Fried chicken?

KFC vs. Churches vs. Popeye's?
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Brentwood on February 12, 2009, 10:05:50 PM
The shopping cart controversy HAS become a joke at another board I'm on, along with, believe it or not, fried chicken.

Fried chicken?

KFC vs. Churches vs. Popeye's?

No. The proper method to prepare fried chicken and the blasphemy of using corn flakes in the coating.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Scritzy on February 12, 2009, 10:07:39 PM
The shopping cart controversy HAS become a joke at another board I'm on, along with, believe it or not, fried chicken.

Fried chicken?

KFC vs. Churches vs. Popeye's?

No. The proper method to prepare fried chicken and the blasphemy of using corn flakes in the coating.

*cackling*

Chip used to use Rice Krispies as coating. Where does that leave him?
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: sparksals on February 12, 2009, 10:47:34 PM
Shopping carts is actually almost an inside-ish joke at another board I mostly lurk at.  It's not one that's limited to e-hell.

The shopping cart controversy HAS become a joke at another board I'm on, along with, believe it or not, fried chicken.



I remember a huge fiasco on another website about butter vs. margarine and the safe/non-safe methods for thawing chicken and meat in general.  Then, there was another thread that made the subject of waxing taboo on the website.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Elle on February 13, 2009, 01:20:05 AM
The shopping cart controversy HAS become a joke at another board I'm on, along with, believe it or not, fried chicken.

Fried chicken?

KFC vs. Churches vs. Popeye's?

No. The proper method to prepare fried chicken and the blasphemy of using corn flakes in the coating.

*cackling*

Chip used to use Rice Krispies as coating. Where does that leave him?

I like using potato chips
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: snowball's chance on February 13, 2009, 08:22:36 AM
The shopping cart controversy HAS become a joke at another board I'm on, along with, believe it or not, fried chicken.

Fried chicken?

KFC vs. Churches vs. Popeye's?

No. The proper method to prepare fried chicken and the blasphemy of using corn flakes in the coating.

*cackling*

Chip used to use Rice Krispies as coating. Where does that leave him?

I like using potato chips

I'm a bread crumbs girl, myself :)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: snowball's chance on February 13, 2009, 08:25:25 AM
You should do a search.  There are a few camps-


~The guest should be able to do what the guest chooses (on or off)
~The host should be able to dictate that the shoes stay on because- feet are dirty, feet stink, feet are ugly, etc
~The host should be able to dictate that the shoes come off because- it will mess up the carpet, hard wood floor, track  in germs/dirt, etc.

I think those are the main ones.  Shopping carts and eating unpaid for food in the grocery store are fun too.

Let's not forget:
The guest who feels naked if they are asked to remove their shoes.

The guest who feels their comfort trumps that of the host's feelings on preserving a costly part of their home.

The guest who thinks that their outfit is more important than the host's floors and are offended when the host thinks their floors are more important than the guest's outfit. 

Enter vicious circle, endless debate AKA don't go there!  ;)


Also don't forget about diabetics, people with amputated limbs, planter's fascitis (sp?), bunions, etc, where it's more than a comfort thing. :)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Xallanthia on February 13, 2009, 10:44:51 AM
Shopping carts is actually almost an inside-ish joke at another board I mostly lurk at.  It's not one that's limited to e-hell.

The shopping cart controversy HAS become a joke at another board I'm on, along with, believe it or not, fried chicken.



I'm just kind of astonished to learn there's a controversy about it, to be honest.  The shopping carts.  I have never heard of that one.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Just Lori on February 13, 2009, 10:50:53 AM
You know what I love about the controversial threads?  You can always find someone who has a condition or life circumstances that makes only one solution plausible.  So you'll get (warning: these examples are hypothetical) the person with the phobia about returning carts to the corral and the one whose religion dictates that she can never wear a slip under her skirt but she has to allow her bra straps to show. 
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Shoo on February 13, 2009, 10:56:34 AM
You know what I love about the controversial threads?  You can always find someone who has a condition or life circumstances that makes only one solution plausible.  So you'll get (warning: these examples are hypothetical) the person with the phobia about returning carts to the corral and the one whose religion dictates that she can never wear a slip under her skirt but she has to allow her bra straps to show. 

I always find it amusing/frustrating when the simplest explanation is thrown out the window for the more obscure one. 

For example, someone is in a crowded place, where humans are elbow to elbow, and someone accidentally brushes against someone else and that person goes off on them, even though the person who touched them apologizes over and over.  There has actually been a thread involving a scenario kind of similar to this (a long time ago, on the other board I think) and there were actually posters who defended the person who went ballistic, stating maybe they have that obscure and extremely RARE *certain condition* that makes it painful for them to be touched, or something like that.  Does that *certain condition* exist?  Probably.  Is it reasonable to assume it applies here and use it to make excuses for someone's lousy behavior?  Well, *I* don't think so, and I find it very frustrating when posters do that.

Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Xallanthia on February 13, 2009, 11:16:45 AM
You know what I love about the controversial threads?  You can always find someone who has a condition or life circumstances that makes only one solution plausible.  So you'll get (warning: these examples are hypothetical) the person with the phobia about returning carts to the corral and the one whose religion dictates that she can never wear a slip under her skirt but she has to allow her bra straps to show. 

I always find it amusing/frustrating when the simplest explanation is thrown out the window for the more obscure one. 

For example, someone is in a crowded place, where humans are elbow to elbow, and someone accidentally brushes against someone else and that person goes off on them, even though the person who touched them apologizes over and over.  There has actually been a thread involving a scenario kind of similar to this (a long time ago, on the other board I think) and there were actually posters who defended the person who went ballistic, stating maybe they have that obscure and extremely RARE *certain condition* that makes it painful for them to be touched, or something like that.  Does that *certain condition* exist?  Probably.  Is it reasonable to assume it applies here and use it to make excuses for someone's lousy behavior?  Well, *I* don't think so, and I find it very frustrating when posters do that.



I agree.  If there *is* a given rare condition that can complicate a situation, that others may not know about, it is the responsibility of the person with the condition to communicate that and then the etiquette of the situation changes accordingly.  For example, I don't think a shoes-on ehellion would flip out about their friend asking nicely, "Do you mind if I take my shoes off?  I've been struggling with X and they are very painful."  But, when the thread becomes about the exceptions alone, discussion of the main point can get lost.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: kingsrings on February 13, 2009, 12:01:02 PM
You know what I love about the controversial threads?  You can always find someone who has a condition or life circumstances that makes only one solution plausible.  So you'll get (warning: these examples are hypothetical) the person with the phobia about returning carts to the corral and the one whose religion dictates that she can never wear a slip under her skirt but she has to allow her bra straps to show. 

Yes! Without fail, those kind of situations always, always show up on these kind of threads. It happens so much that just by reading the title of the thread, my mind automatically goes to what kind of mental, physical, or emotional condition someone is going to state in the thread.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Shoo on February 13, 2009, 12:07:40 PM
You know what I love about the controversial threads?  You can always find someone who has a condition or life circumstances that makes only one solution plausible.  So you'll get (warning: these examples are hypothetical) the person with the phobia about returning carts to the corral and the one whose religion dictates that she can never wear a slip under her skirt but she has to allow her bra straps to show. 

Yes! Without fail, those kind of situations always, always show up on these kind of threads. It happens so much that just by reading the title of the thread, my mind automatically goes to what kind of mental, physical, or emotional condition someone is going to state in the thread.

Yes, this is what I was talking about above.  It can never simply be that Joe is an inconsiderate jerk (the simplest answer).  He has to have Asperger's, or some other condition that excuses his behavior.  Drives me batty!
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Trisha on February 13, 2009, 12:23:27 PM
You know what I love about the controversial threads?  You can always find someone who has a condition or life circumstances that makes only one solution plausible.  So you'll get (warning: these examples are hypothetical) the person with the phobia about returning carts to the corral and the one whose religion dictates that she can never wear a slip under her skirt but she has to allow her bra straps to show. 

Yes! Without fail, those kind of situations always, always show up on these kind of threads. It happens so much that just by reading the title of the thread, my mind automatically goes to what kind of mental, physical, or emotional condition someone is going to state in the thread.

Yes, this is what I was talking about above.  It can never simply be that Joe is an inconsiderate jerk (the simplest answer).  He has to have Asperger's, or some other condition that excuses his behavior.  Drives me batty!

I think that comes from wanting to believe that people are inherently nice (good) so you want to come up with a reason why they're not being nice. :)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Scritzy on February 13, 2009, 01:11:53 PM
Well, I don't have a phobia about shopping carts, just grocery stores.  >:D
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: demarco on February 13, 2009, 01:13:44 PM
It can never simply be that Joe is an inconsiderate jerk (the simplest answer).  He has to have Asperger's, or some other condition that excuses his behavior.  Drives me batty!

Me, too!!!!  I'm tired of excuses and the one in a million exception and the exquisitely fragile.  When we've all become snowflakes, there will be no etiquette and I'm going to go live in a cave.   >:(
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: CrayonOutlines on February 13, 2009, 01:14:49 PM
OT, but I like your "in love" emoticon, Scritzy!
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 13, 2009, 01:23:46 PM
I don't think any condition excuses anyone's behaviour.  It might explain it but it doesn't excuse it.

My SIL did some horrible things to my brother.  Then she was diagnosed with BPD.  The diagnosis explained why she'd done some of the things she'd done but it doesn't excuse what she did, as far as I'm concerned.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: wordgirl on February 13, 2009, 01:25:16 PM
Shopping carts is actually almost an inside-ish joke at another board I mostly lurk at.  It's not one that's limited to e-hell.

The shopping cart controversy HAS become a joke at another board I'm on, along with, believe it or not, fried chicken.



I remember a huge fiasco on another website about butter vs. margarine and the safe/non-safe methods for thawing chicken and meat in general.  Then, there was another thread that made the subject of waxing taboo on the website.
One of the biggest flame wars on the board I used to help out on was which name to assign to a fairly obscure crafting technique. Not how to do it ... but what to call it. We ended up banning people in that fight, and it kept flaring up over almost the entire life of the board and helped bring about its demise. AFAIK, it's still raging on other boards dedicated to that craft, and Godwin's Law is frequently tested. :(
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on February 13, 2009, 01:59:00 PM
You know what I love about the controversial threads?  You can always find someone who has a condition or life circumstances that makes only one solution plausible.
Yes! Without fail, those kind of situations always, always show up on these kind of threads. It happens so much that just by reading the title of the thread, my mind automatically goes to what kind of mental, physical, or emotional condition someone is going to state in the thread.
Yes, this is what I was talking about above.  It can never simply be that Joe is an inconsiderate jerk (the simplest answer).  He has to have Asperger's, or some other condition that excuses his behavior.  Drives me batty!

Drive me nuts too. On the old board we eventually called it something like "a doctor's note" and people were told (by the mods I think; could be wrong) not to do it.

When people come up with these outrageous excuses for bad behaviour, I always try to come up with even more outrageous ones, like, "Maybe aliens came and took over her brain and therefore didn't know you put the trolley back!"
"Maybe she went back in time when people all walked barefoot!"
"Maybe it was her evil twin!!"
Because those explanations are just as plausible as some of the nonsense people spew to excuse the bad behaviour of others.

But what gets me even more is when someone will mention a characteristic of a person in a story. It's quite obvious that the characteristic is only mentioned to set up the background and not meant as a condemnation, but every.single.person on the board with that characteristic will jump in, "I have that and I would never do that! Don't accuse us all of being like that!"

For example, if someone says, "She had her son with her who was purple and he was opening all the cans with his teeth and dressing himself in the contents," someone will say, "My son is purple and not only does he never go near cans, but his teeth aren't strong enough to bite cans open! You're generalising about all parents of purple children! They don't all have sharp teeth or like dressing themselves in food! You're rude to suggest that and I demand you apologise!!" Honestly, what?! Get a life - it was a specific example.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: demarco on February 13, 2009, 02:20:50 PM
 On the old board we eventually called it something like "a doctor's note" and people were told (by the mods I think; could be wrong) not to do it.
 I wonder if we could resurrect this notion of a "doctor's note?" 
 
But what gets me even more is when someone will mention a characteristic of a person in a story. It's quite obvious that the characteristic is only mentioned to set up the background and not meant as a condemnation, but every.single.person on the board with that characteristic will jump in, "I have that and I would never do that! Don't accuse us all of being like that!"

This bothers me, too.  I wish we could all resolve not to think the worst and jump on everyone who mentions body type, ethnicity, age, profession, income, educational level, gender,  lifestyle, religion, or accent, assuming that this information indicates prejudice.  There could be a reason for including the information or there may not be, it may just be a part of the background.  Can't we give people the benefit of the doubt once in a while? 
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: kingsrings on February 13, 2009, 02:29:33 PM
ITA. Sometimes I feel like I have to take sooo much extra time in writing out a thread because I have to make sure all the bases are covered and that there is nothing that anyone can find offense such as what we’re talking about. And then yet still someone will manage to find offense in it. Stop automatically assuming the worst about everyone!
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Brentwood on February 13, 2009, 03:01:12 PM
Shopping carts is actually almost an inside-ish joke at another board I mostly lurk at.  It's not one that's limited to e-hell.

The shopping cart controversy HAS become a joke at another board I'm on, along with, believe it or not, fried chicken.



I'm just kind of astonished to learn there's a controversy about it, to be honest.  The shopping carts.  I have never heard of that one.

I think we were rather astonished on that board to discover the fried-chicken topic was so rife for flaming. It started innocently enough - someone asked for input on fried chicken recipes, another poster answered that he liked to use crushed cornflakes, and it exploded from there. It has since become a running joke.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: blue2000 on February 13, 2009, 03:48:26 PM
Shopping carts is actually almost an inside-ish joke at another board I mostly lurk at.  It's not one that's limited to e-hell.

The shopping cart controversy HAS become a joke at another board I'm on, along with, believe it or not, fried chicken.



I'm just kind of astonished to learn there's a controversy about it, to be honest.  The shopping carts.  I have never heard of that one.

I think we were rather astonished on that board to discover the fried-chicken topic was so rife for flaming. It started innocently enough - someone asked for input on fried chicken recipes, another poster answered that he liked to use crushed cornflakes, and it exploded from there. It has since become a running joke.

Well, now, I can understand that perfectly. Not everyone would be a fan of flambe chicken. ;)

*ducks and runs*
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: kingsrings on February 13, 2009, 04:04:04 PM
I can understand why that one would turn into such a contentious subject.

Some people have allergies or medical conditions that prohibit them from eating cornflakes. And some have cornflake phobias.


 ;D
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 13, 2009, 04:07:50 PM
Well, you know, some people were traumatized by their mother's terrible, horrific, disgusting excuse for corn flake chicken (slather with mayo, roll in uncrushed corn flakes, bake), and even though they know, intellectually, that there are other methods of making it that actually taste good, they're still afraid of it, and have banned it from the house.  (Says Rainha, who didn't even know she liked chicken until she had it at a friend's house).
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Brentwood on February 13, 2009, 04:15:00 PM
I can understand why that one would turn into such a contentious subject.

Some people have allergies or medical conditions that prohibit them from eating cornflakes. And some have cornflake phobias.


 ;D

Actually, I believe the crux of the argument was that corn flakes were blasphemous in the face of "proper" fried chicken made with seasoned flour.


ETA: This illustration of a true but ridiculous flame war is not intended to start same on Ehell.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: twinkletoes on February 13, 2009, 04:50:14 PM
I can understand why that one would turn into such a contentious subject.

Some people have allergies or medical conditions that prohibit them from eating cornflakes. And some have cornflake phobias.


 ;D

Actually, I believe the crux of the argument was that corn flakes were blasphemous in the face of "proper" fried chicken made with seasoned flour.


ETA: This illustration of a true but ridiculous flame war is not intended to start same on Ehell.

Heh.  Isn't it kind of funny to see what sort of topics can erupt in huge wars?  I remember we had a thread here a few months ago about discussions people have had that have just erupted into screaming matches.  Not standard topics like politics or religion, but I remember one poster said she got into a fight with her dad - I think - about which church service had the best choir.  In my family, there is a lot of tension when people start talking about how to make boiled corn.  We just don't go there any more.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: lady_disdain on February 13, 2009, 04:55:34 PM
I remember a corn on the cob thread here in ehell...

Right now, I avoid all gift threads. Which is unfortunate since I have a gift related question to ask, but I don't want to start another.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: kingsrings on February 13, 2009, 05:03:50 PM
Another silly anger trip: anytime there is a discussion on fashion and what each of us likes and dislikes, it seems like there’s always someone who gets their panties in a bunch over someone expressing dislike over their favorite clothing item or hairstyle.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: twinkletoes on February 13, 2009, 05:11:31 PM
Another silly anger trip: anytime there is a discussion on fashion and what each of us likes and dislikes, it seems like there’s always someone who gets their panties in a bunch over someone expressing dislike over their favorite clothing item or hairstyle.

I think it's because some of those statements aren't just "I don't care for X" or even "I think X is not a good look."  They are statements like "Anyone wearing X looks awful!"  It's not the disagreement, it's how the disagreement is worded.  And if words like "childish," "juvenile," or "tramp" are used, well, I can see where someone will ticked off.  Or if the poster says "well, I have pride in my appearance and value my body, so I'll never be caught dead wearing Y," then it leads posters to think that if you *do* wear Y, then you have no pride in your appearance and you don't value your body. 
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Scritzy on February 13, 2009, 06:18:53 PM
OT, but I like your "in love" emoticon, Scritzy!

Thanks! In honor of Valentine's Day. :)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: wordgirl on February 14, 2009, 12:28:47 AM
Another silly anger trip: anytime there is a discussion on fashion and what each of us likes and dislikes, it seems like there’s always someone who gets their panties in a bunch over someone expressing dislike over their favorite clothing item or hairstyle.

I think it's because some of those statements aren't just "I don't care for X" or even "I think X is not a good look."  They are statements like "Anyone wearing X looks awful!"  It's not the disagreement, it's how the disagreement is worded.  And if words like "childish," "juvenile," or "tramp" are used, well, I can see where someone will ticked off.  Or if the poster says "well, I have pride in my appearance and value my body, so I'll never be caught dead wearing Y," then it leads posters to think that if you *do* wear Y, then you have no pride in your appearance and you don't value your body. 
Ah, twinkletoes, you have nailed it! I don't mind people saying, for example, "I don't think I want a tattoo," but referring to tattoos by derogatory nicknames or making statements about someone who was rude and including the "extraneous" fact that they were tattooed ... well that's annoying. (And I pick that example because I am NOT tattooed, though I have seen some truly gorgeous tats around town.) (Though I am actually thinking of getting one.) (Yes, at my age.)
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Scritzy on February 14, 2009, 12:35:35 AM
Hey, I got my first tatt two years ago at 51. Got two more last October. ;D
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Brentwood on February 14, 2009, 12:53:06 AM
I have no tattoos, but my daughter has two and my future son-in-law is heavily tattooed.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: wordgirl on February 14, 2009, 03:04:03 AM
Hey, I got my first tatt two years ago at 51. Got two more last October. ;D
I have no tattoos, but my daughter has two and my future son-in-law is heavily tattooed.

Well, there you go. All the cool kids are doing it. ;) The one I have mind is pretty subtle. But I would know it was there.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Beyond The Veil on February 14, 2009, 01:42:03 PM
Did I overextend it when I said that I think tattoos are gross? Was the word "gross" too much? Or would you have preferred "I don't think they look good." Maybe gross was too powerful.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Animala on February 14, 2009, 05:26:50 PM
Well, you know, some people were traumatized by their mother's terrible, horrific, disgusting excuse for corn flake chicken (slather with mayo, roll in uncrushed corn flakes, bake), and even though they know, intellectually, that there are other methods of making it that actually taste good, they're still afraid of it, and have banned it from the house.  (Says Rainha, who didn't even know she liked chicken until she had it at a friend's house).

This is so gross.  Not to offend, but now I know why some people's chicken makes me sick.  In theory I can eat all the elements, but occasionally it will make me sick.  Mayo makes be awfully sick.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 15, 2009, 12:44:17 AM
Well, you know, some people were traumatized by their mother's terrible, horrific, disgusting excuse for corn flake chicken (slather with mayo, roll in uncrushed corn flakes, bake), and even though they know, intellectually, that there are other methods of making it that actually taste good, they're still afraid of it, and have banned it from the house.  (Says Rainha, who didn't even know she liked chicken until she had it at a friend's house).

This is so gross.  Not to offend, but now I know why some people's chicken makes me sick.  In theory I can eat all the elements, but occasionally it will make me sick.  Mayo makes be awfully sick.

I'm definitely not offended!  Ugh....  It was really really bad.  She's a good cook if she follows recipes, but she's always taking shortcuts and making substitutions that just horrify me...  like sauerkraut in meatloaf  :-X
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Beyond The Veil on February 15, 2009, 01:19:08 AM
CRUD MONKEYS!!! I hate meatloaf and sauerkraut... great, now I'm going to have dream about sauerkraut-meatloaf monsters carrying sporks of doom!!!
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 15, 2009, 01:23:25 AM
I like (good) meatloaf and sauerkraut - just not baked together in one pan.  Blech :P
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Scritzy on February 15, 2009, 01:20:50 PM
I like (good) meatloaf and sauerkraut - just not baked together in one pan.  Blech :P

Gad, and I thought I was weird using oatmeal in meatloaf (instead of breadcrumbs).
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 15, 2009, 02:55:29 PM
I like (good) meatloaf and sauerkraut - just not baked together in one pan.  Blech :P

Gad, and I thought I was weird using oatmeal in meatloaf (instead of breadcrumbs).

The worst part was that she ambushed us with it.  We came over for dinner, she said we were having meatloaf.  I like meatloaf, BF likes meatloaf, we were both hungry...  then, just before she serves it, she says "oh, I tried something a little different..."  :(
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: Animala on February 15, 2009, 03:32:03 PM
I actually prefer oatmeal in meatloaf, but then that is the way my mom made it.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: jpcher on July 21, 2013, 02:17:25 PM
I haven't read this entire thread, because I noticed that it was started in 2009, many years old.


I would like to request that when a thread gets locked the offending person is allowed one post in order to apologize or gently explain the reason for the offending post.


I recently had a thread locked where it was explained "OP was looking for offense when none was intended"

Looking back, yes, I was pretty harsh with my post.

I would like to have the opportunity to apologize for my offending post.

Any chance of this happening?
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: SiotehCat on July 21, 2013, 02:25:12 PM
I haven't read this entire thread, because I noticed that it was started in 2009, many years old.


I would like to request that when a thread gets locked the offending person is allowed one post in order to apologize or gently explain the reason for the offending post.


I recently had a thread locked where it was explained "OP was looking for offense when none was intended"

Looking back, yes, I was pretty harsh with my post.

I would like to have the opportunity to apologize for my offending post.

Any chance of this happening?

Jpcher, maybe you could just private message the other poster?

I think allowing the OP one more post after its already been locked is unnecessary. Those who want to apologize could easily do it through PM.
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: zainabzks on July 21, 2013, 03:17:48 PM
My first post on this forum got moderated. I sincerely apologized to the dame and all was well. :) The Dame even told me why I was moderated (political issue).
I've been a member for many years now (9+ but who's counting).
Title: Re: When threads get locked....
Post by: cass2591 on July 21, 2013, 03:36:47 PM
It's really not practical on all sorts of levels and for many reasons. Suffice it to say it wouldn't work. There's no reason to send a PM to someone if you think that would ease your conscience.

ETA: It's not conscious, although perhaps I wasn't completely..