Etiquette Hell

A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. Guests, register for forum membership to see all the boards. => Time For a Coffee Break! => Topic started by: Yarnspinner on November 15, 2008, 10:38:58 PM

Title: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 15, 2008, 10:38:58 PM
So what has a patron or a customer asked YOU for that you simply could not provide?

We have a patron who can't seem to understand the phrase "it doesn't exist, ma'am". 

The latest in her long line of demands:

a movie she saw on TV a few years ago.  She couldn't remember the name (of course) or who appeared in it (of course), but, whew, she WAS able to come up with the plot and between that, a little patience on my part (thank the deities for Effexor) and the Internet Movie Data Base's plot search engine, we finally discovered the title of the film.

Which has never, ever been produced on VHS OR DVD.  I think I said this to her five different ways.

Me: I'm sorry, Toodie, it's not available.
Her: Oh, I don't care if it's on VHS or DVD.
Me: You don't understand.  It has never been released for DVD or VHS.
Her: So you don't have it.
Me: Nobody has it.  Anywhere.
Her: What about the rest of the state?  Maybe another library in the state has it.
Me: No one has it.  It has never been released on DVD.
Her: So where can I get it?
Me: You can't.  It doesn't exist.
Her: But my friend really wants to see it.
Me: She'll have to wait for it to be shown on AMC and tape it.  It simply doesn't exist.
Her: Well, who can I get it from?
Me: Toodie, you can't get it.  It's that simple.  It doesn't exist.  You can petition the company that produced the film, but it doesn't exist as a recording and I can't get it for you.
Her: What if you buy it from amazon?
Me: Toodie, that's where I looked.  According to IMDB--and Amazon--the film has never been put on tape or disc.  It simply doesn't exist.
Her: So I can't watch it, then?
Me (foolishly thinking we are near the end of our conversation): No.
Her: But maybe you could get a copy from out of state?

This woman holds a fairly responsible job and I have been able to carry on fairly normal conversations with her, but man, when she wants something, she won't take no for an answer.  Even when "no" is the only answer that exists.

So what have you had to produce out of thin air for patrons who don't understand they can't always get what they want? ;)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: HoneyBeeBrie on November 15, 2008, 11:07:44 PM
I work retail...

Recently, at my new job, a woman came in looking for some sheets she had seen at the store "several years ago". She brought in one from the set she had already bought. Apparently, she had bought them at another housewares store that is now closing all its stores. It was an exclusive to that location...about five years ago. There was absolutely no way we could have gotten this sheet set with either of those conditions, but it definitely was not going to happen this way. We apologized to her profusely and even found her a set of sheets the exact same shade, just with a different texture. We had a conversation kind of like this:

Associate: Ma'am, this product is an exclusive to LnT...we never carried this item here.

Her: You can get it, though, right? You can order it like you did with [other item she had ordered a few months back].

Associate: No, I'm sorry. It's only from LnT, and all the stores from that chain in this area are now closed.

Me: We do have this other sheet set here that is the same color and a higher thread count though! I'm sure you'll love them if you try them out.

Her: But what about my set? Can you try calling another BBB?


Etc, etc. She finally bought the other sheet set because my manager gave her a hefty discount on them.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on November 15, 2008, 11:45:24 PM
Which has never, ever been produced on VHS OR DVD. 

This has happened to me a few times: a movie I really loved is not brought out on video or DVD. But you can sometimes find an MTS3K-d version or something like that. I found the movie "Stranded in Space" (about an astronaut who lands up on a parallel Earth where there are three moons and everyone is left-handed) had been MST3K-d and watched it that way. Joel and the robots didn't even bother me I was so eager to watch it again!

... I'm still looking for "The Astronaut" with Monte Markham and "The Aliens Are Coming" (TV pilot from the '70s) if anyone knows anything...  ;D

To get back on topic...

We often get parents who are in denial about their children. Now, when a child cannot cope we have procedures to follow. The first time s/he doesn't do homework, warning. Second time, break detention. Third time, SMS to parent. Fourth time, phone call. Fifth time, meeting.

What happens is, usually the child hasn't done homework in ANY subject and so the parent has gotten about six SMSes. We track these via computer and know if the SMS was received; we print out all the SMSes on a monthly basis. Then we try calling. You'd be amazed at how many parents, when they see the school's number, do not answer. Or worse, they LIE on their forms about their numbers, and we've been sending SMSes to strangers! If we eventually get hold of the parent and manage to get the parent to the school, parent will usually promise the moon. "I will check Johnny's homework every day and make sure he does it!" And nothing changes.

Then, when we want to retain the child in the same grade at the end of the year, the parent develops amnesia. I had this conversation last term with a parent:

Me: I'm sorry to tell you this, but Johnny will be retained in Grade 6 next year.
Dad (Johnny's father): I don't agree with that.
Me: He's not coping, as stated in numerous SMSes to you.
Dad: When I came at the beginning of the year, you didn't tell me!
Me: It was the beginning of the year.
Dad: You could have phoned.
Me: I tried to phone on (list of dates).
Dad: My phone didn't ring. You must have used the wrong number.
Me: I also sent SMSes (gives list of SMS dates).
Dad: I never got those.
Me: Well, how about you give me your number now so I can check.
Dad: Gives number.
Me: (Checking) This is the number I called and sent SMSes to.
Dad: I didn't get those. You must have typed in the wrong number.
Me: We're getting off the point. Johnny isn't coping. He cannot go to Grade 7.
Dad: I don't agree with that.
Me: Frankly, Mr Doe, whether you sign the forms or not, we will be presenting all the evidence, including the SMS printout, to the education department, and they will make the decision.
Dad: I'm not signing then.
Me: All right.

And the education department? Took a cursory look at the forms, printouts, evidence, and signed off on Johnny remaining in Grade 6. I can't wait to see Dad's face at the end of the year. (Which I know is juvenile, but really.)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: HonorH on November 16, 2008, 03:40:36 AM
Oh, dude, I had a doozy when I was working for Banes & Ignoble Bookshillers.  This girl came up to the counter and asked after a certain book.

Me: (after looking in store's database)  Hm.  It doesn't appear we carry the book, but let me check to see if it's something I can order.
Girl: 'Kay.
Me (after a moment or two with Books in Print) I'm sorry, but that book is no longer in print.
Girl: Can't you get it?
Me: Uh, nope.  It's no longer in print.  You might be able to find it at a used bookstore like--
Girl: What do you mean, it's not in print?
Me: It means the publisher is no longer printing the book.
Girl: Well, can't you ask them to, you know, make one for me?
Me: . . .

Honestly, what do you say?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MadMadge43 on November 16, 2008, 04:04:35 AM
I have had the CEO of a Fortune 500 company call me and ask if there's any way they could get more hotel rooms for their meeting.

They were already taking up every single room we had. I replied, only if we build more and with three weeks notice I'm not sure the plumbing will be put in at that point.

Thankfully, the man was smart and realized his meeting planner wasn't lying to him. (But I can't blame the guy for trying, if I had had anything I would have done it for him).

But the worst I had, a couple wanted to book our rooftop for a party. That's fine, but the banquet hall has to be availabe. We couldn't rent out both in case of rain. Of course it wasn't that day. And I explained the policy and the reasoning. It was monsoon season he wanted to book it for by the way.

"But you can promise me it won't rain right".

20 Minutes later before I finally said:

"I'm sorry, but you're giving me way too much credit".
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: whiterose on November 16, 2008, 06:50:23 AM
We had a customer like that the other day. He wanted a video of something he had seen on YouTube but had never been released as a commercial DVD/VHS. He kept insisting that since it was on YouTube, there HAD to be a video of it. I tried to convince him that it had been an amateur who filmed it with a video camera and uploaded it- took a while to do so. He was getting VERY close to me- I almost had an anxiety attack due to the proximity and to his persistence. But at least I got rid of him. My colleagues thought I handled it well- but I was about to have an anxiety attack.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: hot_shaker on November 16, 2008, 07:01:21 AM
To get back on topic...

We often get parents who are in denial about their children. Now, when a child cannot cope we have procedures to follow. The first time s/he doesn't do homework, warning. Second time, break detention. Third time, SMS to parent. Fourth time, phone call. Fifth time, meeting.

What happens is, usually the child hasn't done homework in ANY subject and so the parent has gotten about six SMSes. We track these via computer and know if the SMS was received; we print out all the SMSes on a monthly basis. Then we try calling. You'd be amazed at how many parents, when they see the school's number, do not answer. Or worse, they LIE on their forms about their numbers, and we've been sending SMSes to strangers! If we eventually get hold of the parent and manage to get the parent to the school, parent will usually promise the moon. "I will check Johnny's homework every day and make sure he does it!" And nothing changes.

Slightly off-topic but . . .

I was once talking with a teacher from a school system in another state.  Not only will some of the parents not pick up if the school calls, they have actually blocked the school's number.  Blocked as in, if little Susie has been in a terrible accident there is no way to call her parents.  The teacher said that if she needs to call home (i.e., school closing), she has to go across the street to the University and call from that number.

Bonus: Now I can get updates to what I'm sure will be a very entertaining thread.  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: iridaceae on November 16, 2008, 07:11:43 AM
I work at a hotel, and none of the guests rooms are in the main building. This hasn't stopped people from arguing with me that they were guaranteed a room in the main building.  So...going to sleep in the Bar and Grill then, are we?



Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Rosey on November 16, 2008, 08:10:12 AM
I LOVE this thread already! Okay, old story first:

I worked at a steakhouse while I was an undergrad. The customers there were priceless. My favorite:

Priceless Customer: I'd like the smoked prime rib.
Me: Okay, we have this available in rare and medium rare.
PC: Okay, I'd like mine well done.
Me: I'm sorry, ma'am, it's only available in rare and medium rare.
PC: Oh, that's much too red for me, I'll take mine well done.
Me: Ma'am, I truly apologize, but the smoked prime rib is... smoked. It takes all day to cook and, because it is smoked, we can only offer it in the temperatures available when ordered.
PC: Well can't you just cook it longer?
Me: Unfortunately there's no way to speed up a smoked process. Prime rib is not like other steaks-
PC: I've HAD prime rib before.
Me: Okay, well, can I interest you in rare or medium rare?
PC: No. I want it well done. Can't you just throw it on the grill? (head=table top)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: gibsongirl on November 16, 2008, 08:22:59 AM
Me: I'm sorry, Toodie, it's not available.
Her: Oh, I don't care if it's on VHS or DVD.
Me: You don't understand.  It has never been released for DVD or VHS.
Her: So you don't have it.
Me: Nobody has it.  Anywhere.
Her: What about the rest of the state?  Maybe another library in the state has it.
Me: No one has it.  It has never been released on DVD.
Her: So where can I get it?
Me: You can't.  It doesn't exist.
Her: But my friend really wants to see it.
Me: She'll have to wait for it to be shown on AMC and tape it.  It simply doesn't exist.
Her: Well, who can I get it from?
Me: Toodie, you can't get it.  It's that simple.  It doesn't exist.  You can petition the company that produced the film, but it doesn't exist as a recording and I can't get it for you.
Her: What if you buy it from amazon?
Me: Toodie, that's where I looked.  According to IMDB--and Amazon--the film has never been put on tape or disc.  It simply doesn't exist.
Her: So I can't watch it, then?
Me (foolishly thinking we are near the end of our conversation): No.
Her: But maybe you could get a copy from out of state?


My reply at this point would be:  Can you bring me a unicorn?  Not a statue, but a living unicorn?
Her: No that's ridiculous.
Me: Why not?
Her: They don't exist...everyone knows that.
Me: Well that's exactly why I can't get you that movie. >:D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on November 16, 2008, 08:30:07 AM
When DH worked in radio, someone called to ask him what time it was going to stop raining.  ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: SquishyMooMoo on November 16, 2008, 08:37:04 AM
Yeah, we get this a LOT where I work. We sell promotional products with customized imprints. We can print your company name/logo/slogan/what have you on our items. I think people don't think about the fact that, oh yeah, it has to be PRINTED ON THERE... they don't just have the item with YOUR imprint sitting on a shelf somewhere to toss in a box and ship. So there is production time on all of our items. Usually 5-7 business days at the most, at the high end we're talking 20-25 business days. Plus shipping.


So when you call us up and ask us for 300 poms in your school's colors (of gold, yellow and tan???) by next Thursday, and today is Friday, we're not just being difficult by telling you it's not possible. Seriously.... we can't do it.

Also, we can't guarantee that your order will arrive by your in-hands date if you live outside the US. Why? Because once it gets to customs all bets are off. We have zero control over how long they hold your order there.

Oh, and sir? I understand that you ordered a 1 lb box of somethingorother and had it shipped to you in Japan and shipping was only $40. The reason why THIS order has shipping of more like $250? It is FIFTEEN pounds. Based on your other box, you're getting a steal! If we charged $40 per pound for international shipping, we should be charging you $600. NO, we are not charging you more because you are in the military and we think the government is paying for it. Please stop implying that we would do such a thing.

But definitely the biggest one is expecting us to whip things up faster than Mr. Wizard. If you want something personalized then you need to accept that it is going to take some time. I bless people who call us and say they know it's kind of short notice... and then name a date that is a month off. Seriously? That's AWESOME. Because so many people want things in one week or less.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sycorax on November 16, 2008, 08:58:42 AM
My favourite customer last spring was a lady who wanted her mare to become covered by a certain stallion. I told her it wouldn't be possible because he died last year, but offered her to look for one of his sons or - perhaps even more suiting for her mare - one of his nephews.

Me: "I'd take Stallion R. for your mare. He's a son of the sister of the stallion you actually wished and .... a lot of blubber about his merits."
She: "Is he black?"
Me: "No, he's brown."
She: "So I won't get a black foal from him, will I?"
Me: "Well, with your mare being a chestnut who was only having chestnut foals until now it's unlikely to get a black foal ..."
She: "But the stallion I actually wanted was black, wasn't he?"
Me: "Yes, but nevertheless you probably wouldn't have gotten a black foal from him and your mare. He wasn't homozygous black."
She: "How do you know?"
Me: "His sister is a chestnut too."
She: "But he was black!"
Me: "Of course, he was - but him having a sister who is a chestnut means that he wasn't homozygous black. Besides around 75 % of his children are brown."
She: "But he was black and he had black children!"
Me: "Yes, there are black foals of him, but ..."
She: "You have a black son of him, haven't you?"
Me: "Yes, my dressage horse is a son of him and he's black."
She: "Then I want you to cover my mare with him. I insist on her getting him."
Me: "You know, there's one son of your dream stallion who's black and was having a black mother too - with him the chances to get a black foal are pretty high ..."
She: "I want your horse for my mare!"
Me: "You can't have mine. But why don't you try this black son ..."
She (now sounding rather furious): "Why don't you want to let my mare become covered by your black stallion?"
Me: "Because he isn't a stallion anymore!"
She: "What do you mean with that?"
Me: "My boy is a gelding."
She: "So what? I want to have a foal from him."

Sycorax
"That was the moment my jaw dropped ..."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: gibsongirl on November 16, 2008, 09:05:16 AM
And we file Sycorax's customer under "those wanting you to perform an anatomical impossibility"
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on November 16, 2008, 09:53:32 AM
I was once talking with a teacher from a school system in another state.  Not only will some of the parents not pick up if the school calls, they have actually blocked the school's number.  Blocked as in, if little Susie has been in a terrible accident there is no way to call her parents.  The teacher said that if she needs to call home (i.e., school closing), she has to go across the street to the University and call from that number.

That's exactly what happened with little Johnny's father upthread. In order to call him so that he would answer, my fellow teacher called him from her own landline. Then when I had to schedule a later meeting with him, I had to call him from my cellphone. Because if we'd used the school phone, he wouldn't have answered. And this is the man who insists we "don't tell him about his son". Yeah, maybe because you ignore messages originating at the school?!

And you wouldn't believe the number of parents who claim not to have jobs and so "can't pay school fees". I'm sure some have a philosophical belief that schooling should be free (which I agree with, really, but the government is too busy jazzing up their offices and taking overseas holidays on taxpayers' money to bother giving money to schools, so we have to charge fees - which is legal according to the SA Schools' Act), but others just don't want to pay. They somehow think if they lie about it, we will be stupid enough to fall for it. Not so much. Because we say to little Suzie, "What's your Daddy's work number?" And Suzie coughs it right up and voila, we know Daddy is employed.

Sorry for OT. Teaching in a public (state) school is LOADS of fun. Really.  ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: camlan on November 16, 2008, 10:11:38 AM
Some years ago, I worked at the Circulation Desk of a State University Library. One of the things I did was supervise the student workers. One day, one of the students came out back and asked me to go out to the desk, because a patron was giving another student a hard time. As I walked out, I could spot the patron immediately. He was the one pounding his fist on the desk. He must have been doing that for more than a few seconds, because as I got to the desk, the security officer showed up (someone had seen the patron and called security).

What was the patron so upset about? He wanted to check out a book. He was clearly someone who thought he was very important and appeared used to getting exactly what he wanted when he wanted it. The fact that the library had rules that prevented him from getting exactly what he wanted seemed to irritate him slightly. The conversation went something like this (remember, the poor student had just told him all of this before I got there):

Him: I pay taxes and I want to check this book out.

Me: State residents are able to use many of the library's services. You can read or copy the book here. Unfortunately, if you are not a student or staff member, there is a $25 per year charge to take books out.
 
Him: That's outrageous! I pay taxes! This is a public library. (Note: that state had a system whereby if you had a library card from one local  public library, you could check out books from any other local public library in the state. The State University library was not part of this system.)

Me: Yes, we are public, but we are not part of that library system. I understand that you need this book. These are your options. You can read the book here. You can copy parts of the book here. You can request this book by Interlibrary Loan from your public library. You can pay the fee and check it out for a month, with up to two more months of renewals.

Him: I shouldn't have to pay to check this book out. I don't have time to read it here!

Me: Well, you can check with your local public library. Some of them do have fees for interlibrary loan, but they are usually small.

Him: What are the fees at MyTown library?

Me: I'm sorry, I don't know that. Every library in the state has its own policies and fee structures.

Him: Well, then, how can I get this book?

[insert another 10 minutes of exactly the same conversation. He can get the book if he pays our fee or his local library's fee, he can read or copy it here. Several library staff have paused in their travels and are glued to the drama at the desk. We finally have a breakthrough about what interlibrary loan can do for him.}

Me: I'll look up the phone number for YourTown library. Maybe you could call them and find out if that option would work for you.

He stomps off to a pay phone in the lobby. He comes back to the desk.

Him: They can do the loan. I've got them working on the paperwork right now and they will fax it over here. So, I'll wait here until it gets here.

Me: Oh, dear. You see, interlibrary loan is a separate department. Let me run upstairs for you and see if they can process this book for you today.

I run upstairs, taking the book with me. No one in ILL is surprised to see me. They have already had a phone call from HisTown library. The whole staff is laughing about this guy, who apparently bludgeoned the staff of the other library into submission over the phone. I hand over the book. ILL staff explains that they *have* to send the book to the local library because it must be checked out in their system. But they are making an exception and are sending it overnight delivery, so that the book will be there tomorrow. I head back downstairs, relieved that the book is now safe (I was afraid at one point that he would grab the book and run out of the library), but a little worried about telling the guy he can't get his hands on the book until tomorrow.

Me: [Explains about ILL, special overnight delivery just for him, extensive cooperation between the two libraries just for him, the book will be waiting for him tomorrow at HisTown library.]

Him: [Amazingly, he seems to accept this.] What time tomorrow can I get the book?

Me: I'm not sure. Perhaps you could call YourTown library and find out what time FedEx usually delivers to them?

Him: This is really not an efficient system.

Me: Oh, dear. We really are trying to get you this book.

Him: [bursts into laughter] Well, you guys really pulled an end run around me, huh?

Me: I'm sorry, I don't know what that means?

Him: You fixed me good. No one ever does that! How would you like to come work for me?

Me: [Thinking, Yeah, right. I barely survived a half hour encounter with you.] Why, that's very kind of you. But I really do like working with books.

The security guard watched him until he left the building.

Seriously, he had several options to access the information in that book. Why he had to throw a temper tantrum at the desk and scare the students who were working there is beyond me. There are rules in life. Sometimes, they don't work the way we want them to. The adult thing to do is to accept that you can't get exactly what you want and to move on. And I'll bet his hand hurt. Those were granite countertops he was pounding on.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 16, 2008, 10:55:25 AM
Ooooh!  Camlan, that was scary just reading, but I loved the outcome!

I do love when people try to get around a (perfectly understandable) system and the system does an "end run" around them.

Honestly, I was excited to open the computer up and see so many responses.  And saddened to see that the government treats its educators no better in SA than it does in the USA.  And that parents are just as blase about their children's education.  T'Mar and Hot Shaker, your stories made me kinda want to cry.

But on the other hand, there are so many news articles telling how the government is failing our kids, our schools are failing our kids....and then I come here (or even go to work) and encounter kids who don't do their h omework and parents like Johnny's and I think "Ya  know, folks, I think the truth is closer to the MIDDLE of the triangle than all heaped up on one side.  Especially when I hear Moms at work complaining that little Jonny was flunked because the teacher was (pick your favorite "ism" here because I have heard everything from race to religion to gender to color of eyes and parents status)  and I know for a fact that Jonny hasn't done a lick of work because he's been bragging about it to his buds.

Back on topic:  Patron Exhibit B:  "I got caught shoplifting and I have to write an essay about why I think shoplifting is bad?  Do you have a book here that tells me what I think?"

I refrained from saying "Thinking would imply you have a brain and that doesn't seem to be the case."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Shoo on November 16, 2008, 11:03:00 AM
She (now sounding rather furious): "Why don't you want to let my mare become covered by your black stallion?"
Me: "Because he isn't a stallion anymore!"
She: "What do you mean with that?"
Me: "My boy is a gelding."
She: "So what? I want to have a foal from him."

Sycorax
"That was the moment my jaw dropped ..."

Could you explain why your jaw dropped to those of us who aren't familiar with horses?  I'm probably not the only one who doesn't understand your post.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FoxPaws on November 16, 2008, 11:04:45 AM
I had a customer pitch a fit and demand that we reconfigure the date/time stamp on the fax machine to show the previous day so he wouldn't miss his deadline. We told him no - it had been x date for 24 hours already, it was now y date. (I guess he was going to convince the recipients that the date/time stamp on their machine was wrong?)

A coworker and I spent twenty minutes explaining to a woman that you could not enlarge a square picture (3x3" Polaroid) to fit a rectangular piece of paper (11x17") without a) distorting the image, b) cropping the photo, or c) having white space on either side of the copy. She screamed - literally - that she had a master's degree in psychology and couldn't believe how stupid we all were.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FoxPaws on November 16, 2008, 11:07:09 AM
Could you explain why your jaw dropped to those of us who aren't familiar with horses?  I'm probably not the only one who doesn't understand your post.
Gelding is the horse word for neutered.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Silence on November 16, 2008, 11:20:48 AM
She (now sounding rather furious): "Why don't you want to let my mare become covered by your black stallion?"
Me: "Because he isn't a stallion anymore!"
She: "What do you mean with that?"
Me: "My boy is a gelding."
She: "So what? I want to have a foal from him."

Sycorax
"That was the moment my jaw dropped ..."

Could you explain why your jaw dropped to those of us who aren't familiar with horses?  I'm probably not the only one who doesn't understand your post.

He doesn't have to equipment to sire (father) anymore foals (children).
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Drunken Housewife on November 16, 2008, 11:47:09 AM
"gelding" is a term for a neutered male horse. 

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Drunken Housewife on November 16, 2008, 12:07:30 PM
I have some Asking for the Impossible stories from my working days. 

First, there's a simple principle of U.S. law, learned in first year torts class, which is uncontrovertible:  if someone is injured by a defective product, they can sue the company they bought it from or the manufacturer.  They don't have to sue the manufacturer if it's easier, for whatever reason, for them to sue the store (then the store would in return bring in the manufacturer).  I was assigned to a case where my firm was representing a supplier of products, who couldn't get his mind around the fact that he'd been sued over a defective product.  He called me on the phone.

client:  I just wanted to point out that I didn't make it.  I just sold it.
me:  politely explains that under the law, the customer can sue the person who sold them the defective product
client:  But no, you're not getting it.  I don't make that product.  I just sell it.
Me:  explains again
client:  But can't you get me out of this?  I don't make that product. 

This went on and on. 

Here's another one.  I used to do some landlord-tenant law, and a landlord, a young woman obviously new to the world of rental properties, called me whom I'd never met after I was recommended to her.  In my city, there are extremely stringent rent control laws and limitations on evictions.

This woman said to me, "I need to get rid of my tenant because I'm getting below market rent."  She did understand the point that under the law, she could raise her rent only a small amount each year (the allowable increase was set each year by a governmental agency), so she thought she could just get rid of that pesky tenant and get a new, higher paying one.

Me:  "Well, is there anything the tenant has done?  (explained that under the Rent Control Act there were only a set list of acceptable causes for eviction and ran down the list for her).

Landlord:  "Well, he hasn't done any those things.  But you don't understand!  I'm not getting the market rate!"

Me:  "I'm sorry*, but we can't evict someone because their rent is too low.  That's pretty much the whole reason for the Rent Control Act, to stop landlords from doing that."

Landlord, becoming increasingly distraught and upset with me:  "But you just don't get it!  I'M NOT GETTING THE MARKET RATE FOR MY UNIT!"




* of course I wasn't sorry, just trying to be polite to her.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: VorFemme on November 16, 2008, 12:08:28 PM
And we file Sycorax's customer under "those wanting you to perform an anatomical impossibility"

Well - obviously Sycorax should have known that there was someone who would want their mare covered by her boy and FROZEN a few samples to be used before allowing him to be gelded (surgically neutered by removal of the testes).  Seriously - the expense of the liquid nitrogen storage and any preparation costs would not be an issue because that sort of thing can be kept in the freezer at the barn, right?

You have to wonder why she couldn't get her head around "those bits are gone"..............
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: hjaye on November 16, 2008, 12:13:55 PM
I like the ones with the people who think by telling you something is not acceptable is going to change things.

I worked for a company a few years ago that hosted web sites, we also offered a basic email service.

One lady called because she was not getting emails.  I found the problem and corrected it.  Now it had taken her over two weeks to call us and tell us that she was not getting emails.  There was no way we would have known without her calling us.  

First off I kind of get a kick out of someone telling me how these emails are business critical and she must have them.  If they are so critical, why does it take you over two weeks before you notify us of a problem.  If you were expecting fifty to one hundred emails a day, and you didn't get any I would think that would raise a red flag.

Anyway, after I fixed the problem, she then demanded I retrieve all the emails she had not received for the last two weeks.  I explained to her I could not do that, because we didn't have them, we never had them.  I don't know where they were, but they were never on our server.  Anyone that had sent an email to her should have received a non delivery report, because we would not have received them and processed them.

She told me that my answer was unacceptable.  I couldn't tell her that I didn't care if she accepted my answer or not, it would have gotten me written up, and possibly fired, but the end result was, whether she accepted my answer or not, the emails did not exist on our servers, and I had no way of retrieving them.  For all I knew they were bouncing around in space possibly circling the moon, and since I did not have an intergalactic email retriever (they were too expensive) I couldn't suck them back from the vortex of space onto our mail server.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: gibsongirl on November 16, 2008, 12:16:11 PM
And we file Sycorax's customer under "those wanting you to perform an anatomical impossibility"

Well - obviously Sycorax should have known that there was someone who would want their mare covered by her boy and FROZEN a few samples to be used before allowing him to be gelded.  Seriously - the expense of the liquid nitrogen storage and other preparation would not be an issue because that sort of thing can be kept in the freezer at the barn, right?

Right, because the barn freezer has a pocket compartment that taps directly into e-hell, which has frozen over due to the inanity of the request!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: EddiesMom on November 16, 2008, 12:27:53 PM
When DH worked in radio, someone called to ask him what time it was going to stop raining.  ::)

I worked at a small town radio station.  One day, the power went out.  At that time, the station did not have an emergency generator.  All we could do was sit in the dark and answer the phone.  I cannot tell you how many phone calls we got that went like this: 

CALLER:  Your radio station is off the air! 
ME:  Yes, we are.  Unfortunately the power is out to the entire town and we do not have an emergency generator.  Power company says crews are working on the outage, and they hope to have power restored to town shortly. 
CALLER:  Shouldn't you be making an announcement that the power is out? 
ME:  I'd be happy to do so if we had power.
 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: EddiesMom on November 16, 2008, 12:41:38 PM
I show cats.  At one show a man stopped to look at my cat and asked to buy him. 

ME:  He's not for sale. 
HIM:  Well, then I want to buy one of his kittens. 
ME:  I'm sorry sir, he has not and will not be siring kittens. 
HIM:  You just don't want to sell me a cat!  You're discriminating against me!
ME:  Sir, this cat will not be producing kittens because he is neutered. 
HIM:  What? 
ME:  He has been neutered, sir.  That means his te*ticles have been surgically removed. 

At that point the man had he good sense to look a bit embarassed. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: audrey1962 on November 16, 2008, 12:56:51 PM
I briefly worked at an academic law library. I was a bit naive at the time, as I expected to be assisting professors and students with law research, but in reality, most of the patrons were from the general public. Some were single-practice attorneys, others were legal librarians who couldn't afford the resources we had, and others were those who could not afford or who otherwise refused to hire an attorney and thought they could "do it themselves." Those were always the hardest, as they often did not know what types of materials were in a law library or else they expected the librarians to do their research for them.

The saddest was one woman who called saying that their should be a certain law to protect nursing home residents from X. I explained that there was no such law, she thanked me and hung up. Then she called again next week, and the week after, and the week after that. Soon I realized that she called every week about the same thing and had been doing it for months.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sycorax on November 16, 2008, 01:00:02 PM
Hello, VorFemme,

Well - obviously Sycorax should have known that there was someone who would want their mare covered by her boy and FROZEN a few samples to be used before allowing him to be gelded (surgically neutered by removal of the testes).  Seriously - the expense of the liquid nitrogen storage and any preparation costs would not be an issue because that sort of thing can be kept in the freezer at the barn, right?
Well, actually we do have a freezer where frozen probes are stored (between you and me: I've even stored a few probes from the stallion the lady wanted. However, after his dead his owner ordered me to give them only to mares who are up to a certain, clearly defined standard. The lady's mare certainly didn't belong in this class), so that wouldn't have been the problem.
However, even if I would have a probe from my boy, the lady wouldn't want to have a foal from him because no German breeding club would give her papers for it. They demand that all stallions used for breedings get their approval and do certain tests. Horses without papers are only worth half of horses with papers.

Quote
You have to wonder why she couldn't get her head around "those bits are gone"..............
Probably for the same reason she couldn't get that it isn't only the colour of the stallion which makes for the colour of the foal, but the colour of the mother too.

Sycorax
"I sometimes wonder why people who don't have the slightest glue about genetic try to breed horses ..."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sycorax on November 16, 2008, 01:02:37 PM
Hello, Gibsongirl,

Right, because the barn freezer has a pocket compartment that taps directly into e-hell, which has frozen over due to the inanity of the request!
This compartment is pretty close to the corner where we store the customers who want their mares "really" covered and not only inseminated because "my girl should have some fun with that too".

Sycorax
who's never seen a mare 'having fun' by becoming covered
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on November 16, 2008, 01:07:09 PM
At the DMV:

"Yes, I need to get a restricted license because I need to get back and forth to work."

I pull up the driving record, and the answer is just plain: no.  The person refused a breathalyser, which is a mandatory 6 months suspension.  Suspension, as in no driving at all.

"No, you don't understand.  The drunk driving case was thrown out by the judge."

Well, that's good for you, but this is a separate issue.  Refusing a breathalyser is an automatic 6 month suspension.  The law in this state has 'implied consent,' which means that by being a licensed driver, and by being behind the wheel of a car, you have given implied consent to reasonable sobriety tests.  Now you can try to sue the state that the breathalyser was unreasonable under the circumstances, but I can't help you.  You need a lawyer, and you need to go to court.  And, by the way, good luck because implied consent convictions are almost impossible to overturn.  You admitted that you refused the breathalyser in court?  You, sir, are out of luck.

"You are not listening to me!  I need a license to get to work!"

I am listening, but there is nothing I can do.  Even if I were to issue you a paper license, you will not receive the official license in the mail.

"That's okay.  I will at least have the paper."

No, you won't, because I am not going to get into trouble for issuing something I know you are not eligible for because you made a mistake.

"I need a license to take my kid to the doctor!  Do you want her to diieeeeeee!?!?!?"

I stop, as if a thought struck me.  How did you get here, sir?

"Um, a -- um, a friend drove me."

Then perhaps your friend will also drive your child, because your license is suspended, and there is nothing I can do for you."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FoxPaws on November 16, 2008, 01:07:35 PM
This compartment is pretty close to the corner where we store the customers who want their mares "really" covered and not only inseminated because "my girl should have some fun with that too".

Sycorax
who's never seen a mare 'having fun' by becoming covered
I once saw a television news piece about breeding some champion stallion, and by the time it was over I was ready to start up a crisis hotline for mares.  :o

Ever since then, the phrase, "he was a real stud," is NOT a compliment in my world.  :P
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sycorax on November 16, 2008, 01:23:12 PM
Hello, FoxPaws,

Ever since then, the phrase, "he was a real stud," is NOT a compliment in my world.  :P
It certainly and definitely isn't.

Sycorax
"I'm pretty sure my mares like me doing the job better as the 'natural' way. I never bite them in the neck ..." ;-)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on November 16, 2008, 01:36:40 PM
When DH worked in radio, someone called to ask him what time it was going to stop raining.  ::)

I worked at a small town radio station.  One day, the power went out.  At that time, the station did not have an emergency generator.  All we could do was sit in the dark and answer the phone.  I cannot tell you how many phone calls we got that went like this: 

CALLER:  Your radio station is off the air! 
ME:  Yes, we are.  Unfortunately the power is out to the entire town and we do not have an emergency generator.  Power company says crews are working on the outage, and they hope to have power restored to town shortly. 
CALLER:  Shouldn't you be making an announcement that the power is out? 


"But we did. We just announced it on the air. Didn't you hear it?"  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Minmom3 on November 16, 2008, 02:13:58 PM
She (now sounding rather furious): "Why don't you want to let my mare become covered by your black stallion?"
Me: "Because he isn't a stallion anymore!"
She: "What do you mean with that?"
Me: "My boy is a gelding."
She: "So what? I want to have a foal from him."

Sycorax
"That was the moment my jaw dropped ..."

Could you explain why your jaw dropped to those of us who aren't familiar with horses?  I'm probably not the only one who doesn't understand your post.

Butting in here...
Her jaw dropped because people who OWN horses are SUPPOSED to know that a gelding is a castrated male.   :o  A stallion has his testicles.   ;D  A gelding has had his testicles removed, and no longer has sperm with which to impregnate the mare...   ;)    Heck, as a Horse Fan as a child of 10 years, I knew the difference between stallion and gelding.   ::) 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Tierrainney on November 16, 2008, 02:35:28 PM
She (now sounding rather furious): "Why don't you want to let my mare become covered by your black stallion?"
Me: "Because he isn't a stallion anymore!"
She: "What do you mean with that?"
Me: "My boy is a gelding."
She: "So what? I want to have a foal from him."

Sycorax
"That was the moment my jaw dropped ..."

Could you explain why your jaw dropped to those of us who aren't familiar with horses?  I'm probably not the only one who doesn't understand your post.

Butting in here...
Her jaw dropped because people who OWN horses are SUPPOSED to know that a gelding is a castrated male.   :o  A stallion has his testicles.   ;D  A gelding has had his testicles removed, and no longer has sperm with which to impregnate the mare...   ;)    Heck, as a Horse Fan as a child of 10 years, I knew the difference between stallion and gelding.   ::) 


I gotta park my POD right here.  A person who doesn't know what a gelding is has no business whatsoever breeding horses.  Far too many bad horses are running around at least in the USA today that people without knowledge or unwilling to do the research should not be breeding.  There is a blog called Fugly Horse that frequently shows examples of horses that should never have been bred and their offspring.  It also has pictures of abused horses, so don't go looking for the blog if you are squeamish.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: baconsmom on November 16, 2008, 03:22:27 PM
I don't have any stories like this - fortunately. But I have a general one.

When I worked retail and food service, there were certain customers who were convinced we had extra-special stuff "in the back" or "off-menu". Now, while fine-dining and certain family restaurants probably do have special items off-menu, large multi-national corporate restaurants do not. The restaurants I worked at all had their menus set by corporate offices many miles away, and there was no major deviation allowed (small substitutions, yes, but not whole new entrees). But people just wouldn't believe that - I called more managers over for "I want the 'off-menu' good stuff" than for actual complaints.

Retail was worse. People were always asking me to "go check the back", even in stores where "the back" was an employee bathroom and a couple coathooks. I'd dutifully go stand in the bathroom or stare at the coathooks for a few minutes, then come back and apologize that we didn't have anything "in the back". Though it took me a little while to learn that trick.

And now there's some radio commercial playing (at least locally; I forget what it's for) that urges people to ask clerks to "check in the back, because that's where they keep the good stuff!" I yell at the radio every time: "There's nothing in the back!"
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: camlan on November 16, 2008, 04:10:50 PM
Another thing that used to happen at the State University Library was that people would call and ask us to page someone. We had no paging system. Nothing. No loudspeaker. Zilch. Fifteen minutes before closing, the security guards would go floor to floor, blink the lights and *yell* "Closing in 15 minutes!"

To say nothing of the irate patrons we would have, if every half hour we interrupted their concentration and their studying with, "Peter Milton! Peter Milton! You need to call your mother right away!"

Parents would demand that we page their children. Roommates would give us tales of woe as to what would happen if their roommate couldn't be found right now. I think we had a few jilted girlfriends attempting to find their old boyfriends.

It really didn't matter. There was nothing we could do. Nothing. If it really seemed serious (such as a death in the family), we could offer to post a note at the exit desk. We couldn't guarantee that it would be read by the person it was for, as we had no idea if that person was in the library. And we were under orders not to volunteer this service too often, otherwise the exit desk would become a mass of signs. Apparently, at one point, the library offered to post the signs if anyone asked. But the students saw them and thought that they could post anything they wanted at the exit desk. So things got messy.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 16, 2008, 04:37:45 PM
Still another one...kind of a spin off about paging the person from Cam's.

We have a flamboyant, literary, totally insane  patron who disappears for months and even years at a time, then reappears with some new and exciting project that never sees the light of day.  Time was, when he was in town, hewould  connect with all his buds, announce the latest flagship magazine he was going to start, or the television show or the website and then, a few days later, disappear again.  (As far as we can tell he disappears when the medication for his illness runs out or his family catches up with him and gets him back into the clutches of an appropriate facility.)  To talk with him, you would never know.  He's lots of fun and, honestly, I could talk with him for days...but there's still that "he's completely crazy" thing going on.

Anyway, when he disappears, his friends, some new and some old, start calling the library, demanding to know where David is.

Us: I'm sorry, I don't KNOW where David is.
Them: Well, he works there, doesn't he?
Us: Writing his book, yes, but not for us. 
Them: So you know where he might be.
Us: No.  He doesn't keep us up to date on his schedule and we are not his secretaries.
Them: But I need to talk to him NOW.
Us: Have you tried his cell?
Them: Yeah, it's not working.
Us: Then you may want to try again later.
Them: Yeah, but I need to talk to him NOW.  I really need to tell him something.
Us: There's nothing we can do.  He's not here.
Them: Well, don't you have his address.
Us: We can't give that information out to you.
Them: Can't you take a message and tell him when he comes in.  It's urgent.
Us: Sir/Ma'am, we haven't seen David in six weeks.  He's probably at his parents' home again.  You may want to try there.
Them: (suggest an impossible act we can perform upon ourselves): If I wanted to talk to his FAMILY I'd call them.  I need to talk to him like yesterday.
And on and on and on. 

It's kind of a relief when David surfaces again and we don't have to explain the difference between "librarian" and "social secretary."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FoxPaws on November 16, 2008, 05:06:44 PM
People were always asking me to "go check the back", even in stores where "the back" was an employee bathroom and a couple coathooks. I'd dutifully go stand in the bathroom or stare at the coathooks for a few minutes, then come back and apologize that we didn't have anything "in the back". Though it took me a little while to learn that trick.
I had to learn a similar trick working in a movie theater because people could not figure out that a) we could not adjust the temperature in an auditorium in a matter of minutes, and/or b) when there were ~300 people present we were not going to make adjustments on the whims of one.

"I need you to turn up the air conditioning. It's freezing in here," said the lady in the 500 seat theater an hour into the movie.
"I'll speak with the manager," said I.  
"Some lady in Die Hard is cold," I'd dutifully tell the manager.
"That's too bad. She should have brought a sweater," the manager would say, continuing with whatever task he was involved in.  ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: missmolly on November 16, 2008, 05:08:35 PM
This is one of those threads where your faith in humanity decreases just a little with every post.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Itza on November 16, 2008, 05:17:47 PM
These stories are a hoot!  Keep them coming, please :D

Here’s mine:-

I’m a Teaching Assistant and time travel is part of my job apparently.

It is recommended - and I’d love to see someone try to enforce this without the help of time travel – that we (me and other TAs) arrive to the class to liaise with the teacher 5 minutes before class starts and to stay 5 minutes after class finishes to discuss the pupils we work with.

Great in theory and providing there is a break between each lesson but there isn’t.  The first two lessons and last two lessons of the day are back-to-back.  The only lesson we can liaise with the teachers 5 minutes before and after class is Lesson 3.

Our only other option is time travel but from what I gather, it’s not been invented yet…

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kareng57 on November 16, 2008, 05:31:16 PM
I work for a print-media company - a national company with hundreds of publications.  But some customers simply can't understand the term "deadline".

Customer phones in: "I need to make some changes to my ad".

Proofing-department: "I'm sorry, sir, but that publication went to the printer three days ago.  The last ad-proof you got did state the final deadline for changes".

Customer: "But I was out of town for a few days, I need these changes!"

Proofing: "Again, I'm sorry, but it's at the printer now, there's nothing I can do."

Customer:  "Sure, you can stop the presses, can't you?"

Bang-head-against-wall.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sycorax on November 16, 2008, 05:48:42 PM
These stories are a hoot!  Keep them coming, please :D
I have one more.

BG: We own a little stud with 8 breeding mares. That means we have horses to sell, but because we're a little stud it's hardly ever more than five or six from one year.

Last year we had a lady customer who wanted to buy a youngster with talent for dressage. Actually we're specialized on eventing, but in the last years we've used two stallions who are talented for dressage too, so I had one real good dressage horse to offer. The lady watched him under the saddle, tried him herself (and it actually didn't look too bad though she certainly wasn't as talented as him) and then asked me what how many the horse would cost. I told her and for a moment she was quiet, then she looked at the horse (a chestnut) again, patted his neck and said: "Well, if I could get him in dark brown, I'd pay the money."

Sycorax
"Perhaps I should consult a hairdresser about permanent dye for horses?"


Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: nekoro on November 16, 2008, 05:50:15 PM
I was working at a call center when I got a call from a customer who had been working with my manager to solve an issue.  Said manager worked 6-2.  I got the call around 3.

"I need to speak with Manager X."

"I"m very sorry, she is not here. I can-"

"That's unacceptable!"

That last was spat with venom.

Okaaaaayyy.....do you want me to pull her out of my rear for you?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Reika on November 16, 2008, 05:50:34 PM
This is a recent one. If I really wanted to scrub my brain, I'm sure I could find another.

Lady wanted to know why we were taking premium payments out of her claims (I work for an insurance company that has life, disability and supplemental health insurance) and why she received a payment history in the mail. I was impressed she actually read that part, since she clearly didn't read the rest of the letter, which clearly stated that her premiums weren't paid on a regular basis so we were taking the difference. And I explained that to her for at least a half hour in as many different ways as possible. So I turned it around and asked her if she wouldn't kept an account open for a customer who didn't pay. Her comment was "Oh hell yes I'd kick their sorry 'butt' out." But couldn't get why the same thing would apply to her.  ::)

It clearly showed that were spans of time where we didn't get any payment at all, would receive one month's worth to keep the policy from lapsing, then multiple payments per month that equally half of the premium payment. We really should have just canceled the policy at one point since we normally give up to 60 days for a policy to lapse with no payment and there were times that it went for longer than that, but for some reason they didn't. And the claims processors were being nice, instead of taking all of the money they should have, they were only taking one month's worth of premiums per claim.

Ended up putting her through to a supervisor who after 10-15 minutes of repeating the same info I did finally had to bluntly tell her, "Ma'am, if you had paid like were supposed to, then this wouldn't be happening."

ETA: The impossible part? She wanted all of the past due premiums to be waived.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kareng57 on November 16, 2008, 06:15:24 PM
This is a recent one. If I really wanted to scrub my brain, I'm sure I could find another.

Lady wanted to know why we were taking premium payments out of her claims (I work for an insurance company that has life, disability and supplemental health insurance) and why she received a payment history in the mail. I was impressed she actually read that part, since she clearly didn't read the rest of the letter, which clearly stated that her premiums weren't paid on a regular basis so we were taking the difference. And I explained that to her for at least a half hour in as many different ways as possible. So I turned it around and asked her if she wouldn't kept an account open for a customer who didn't pay. Her comment was "Oh hell yes I'd kick their sorry 'butt' out." But couldn't get why the same thing would apply to her.  ::)

It clearly showed that were spans of time where we didn't get any payment at all, would receive one month's worth to keep the policy from lapsing, then multiple payments per month that equally half of the premium payment. We really should have just canceled the policy at one point since we normally give up to 60 days for a policy to lapse with no payment and there were times that it went for longer than that, but for some reason they didn't. And the claims processors were being nice, instead of taking all of the money they should have, they were only taking one month's worth of premiums per claim.

Ended up putting her through to a supervisor who after 10-15 minutes of repeating the same info I did finally had to bluntly tell her, "Ma'am, if you had paid like were supposed to, then this wouldn't be happening."

ETA: The impossible part? She wanted all of the past due premiums to be waived.

Funny how it's always "different" when the shoe-is-on-the-other foot, isn't it?

I was trying to work with a customer who hadn't paid us a dime for his ads. "I have to think about whether I'm going to pay for this, I don't know whether I've gotten much business from them". Uh - you HAVE to pay us, you signed a contract!  I tried to get that across as politely as I could.  Finally I said - "what if I came into your shop to have my windshield replaced, and I said that I'd come back and pay for it in six months if I decided that I was happy with it?  Would that be fine with you?"  "Of course not, that's completely different!"

In your own case - sometimes it really doesn't pay, over the long term, to keep giving concessions like you did with this customer - your company would have had grounds for cancelling her policy, as you say.  For a lot of customers (no, not all) - once you give a little leniency, they start expecting a lot of leniency.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Black Delphinium on November 16, 2008, 06:27:10 PM
As an ex-cashier, I can totally sympathize with the "can't you check in the back?" mentality. For the love of all that is Holy, people, do not wait until the day of a holiday to pick up necessary foodstuffs for said holiday. OF COURSE we don't have any more cranberries/cranberry sauce/good stuffing mix/gravy in stock, it's 10am on Thanksgiving morning! We've been out of most of that stuff for days at this point. Plan ahead, would you, please?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FoxPaws on November 16, 2008, 06:37:04 PM
I think a lot of customers picture "the back" as Aladdin's cave, complete with a grant-your-retail-wish genie in a lamp.  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: BarBee on November 16, 2008, 06:45:40 PM
After lurking for over a year, this thread demanded that I add my impossible patron request.

I have a lovely intelligent patron who reads a wide variety of authours.  She just finished the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters and was reading some nonfiction about Egyptology; she then came in and wanted to read a biography of the well-known archaeologist Amelia Peabody Emerson!  I tried everyway I could think of to convince her that APE is a fictional character by Elizabeth Peters.  She said she knew about the Peters' series because she just finished reading them but she read an article that APE was a real person who wrote diaries that Peters used to write her series.  After 15 minutes, I had a line of patrons wanting attention so I told her that I would check on the matter and let her know what I found when she next came in.  She, of course, could not remember the magazine name or the title of the article.  I swear she must have being dreaming the whole thing.

There also was the mother who demanded that I get the recording of Abraham Lincoln giving his Gettysburg Address.  She knew it exsisted because she had watched a program on PBS about Lincoln and they played that recording!!  I tried to tell her that what she heard was a recording of an actor reading the Gettysburg Address; there were no recordings of Lincoln presenting the address because there was NO recording equipment in the 19th century.  Finally I told her to call the local PBS station and ask them about it!!  The program manager of the station was not happy with me!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: artk2002 on November 16, 2008, 07:22:13 PM
There also was the mother who demanded that I get the recording of Abraham Lincoln giving his Gettysburg Address.  She knew it exsisted because she had watched a program on PBS about Lincoln and they played that recording!!  I tried to tell her that what she heard was a recording of an actor reading the Gettysburg Address; there were no recordings of Lincoln presenting the address because there was NO recording equipment in the 19th century.  Finally I told her to call the local PBS station and ask them about it!!  The program manager of the station was not happy with me!

Next time, just send her to this link (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1512410).

(Dang... something else that can make me cry!)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on November 16, 2008, 07:36:17 PM
After lurking for over a year, this thread demanded that I add my impossible patron request.

I have a lovely intelligent patron who reads a wide variety of authours.  She just finished the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters and was reading some nonfiction about Egyptology; she then came in and wanted to read a biography of the well-known archaeologist Amelia Peabody Emerson!  I tried everyway I could think of to convince her that APE is a fictional character by Elizabeth Peters.  She said she knew about the Peters' series because she just finished reading them but she read an article that APE was a real person who wrote diaries that Peters used to write her series.  After 15 minutes, I had a line of patrons wanting attention so I told her that I would check on the matter and let her know what I found when she next came in.  She, of course, could not remember the magazine name or the title of the article.  I swear she must have being dreaming the whole thing.

Have you ever read the customer reviews of The Princess Bride on Amazon? I think you'd appreciate them.

And for those of you who work in retail... I'm sorry, but many stores do keep merchandise in "the back." Customers don't know who does this and who doesn't. Don't call them stupid for asking you if you have one in "the back," because at the last store they visited, someone said "Let me know if you don't see your size, and I'll check in the back."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Black Delphinium on November 16, 2008, 07:41:07 PM
After lurking for over a year, this thread demanded that I add my impossible patron request.

I have a lovely intelligent patron who reads a wide variety of authours.  She just finished the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters and was reading some nonfiction about Egyptology; she then came in and wanted to read a biography of the well-known archaeologist Amelia Peabody Emerson!  I tried everyway I could think of to convince her that APE is a fictional character by Elizabeth Peters.  She said she knew about the Peters' series because she just finished reading them but she read an article that APE was a real person who wrote diaries that Peters used to write her series.  After 15 minutes, I had a line of patrons wanting attention so I told her that I would check on the matter and let her know what I found when she next came in.  She, of course, could not remember the magazine name or the title of the article.  I swear she must have being dreaming the whole thing.

Have you ever read the customer reviews of The Princess Bride on Amazon? I think you'd appreciate them.

And for those of you who work in retail... I'm sorry, but many stores do keep merchandise in "the back." Customers don't know who does this and who doesn't. Don't call them stupid for asking you if you have one in "the back," because at the last store they visited, someone said "Let me know if you don't see your size, and I'll check in the back."
I only question thinking we have some "in the back" at times when the item(s) in question are seasonally in high demand, and it is the day before or day of the holiday for which it meant.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: BabyMama on November 16, 2008, 07:43:12 PM
Hello, Gibsongirl,

Right, because the barn freezer has a pocket compartment that taps directly into e-hell, which has frozen over due to the inanity of the request!
This compartment is pretty close to the corner where we store the customers who want their mares "really" covered and not only inseminated because "my girl should have some fun with that too".

Sycorax
who's never seen a mare 'having fun' by becoming covered

Sycorax, and it's always these same people who want their colts to breed at least once, "so they fully experience life"....Like stallions go up to geldings and are like, "Guess what YOU'RE missing out on!!"  ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: gibsongirl on November 16, 2008, 07:46:57 PM
After lurking for over a year, this thread demanded that I add my impossible patron request.

I have a lovely intelligent patron who reads a wide variety of authours.  She just finished the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters and was reading some nonfiction about Egyptology; she then came in and wanted to read a biography of the well-known archaeologist Amelia Peabody Emerson!  I tried everyway I could think of to convince her that APE is a fictional character by Elizabeth Peters.  She said she knew about the Peters' series because she just finished reading them but she read an article that APE was a real person who wrote diaries that Peters used to write her series.  After 15 minutes, I had a line of patrons wanting attention so I told her that I would check on the matter and let her know what I found when she next came in.  She, of course, could not remember the magazine name or the title of the article.  I swear she must have being dreaming the whole thing.

There also was the mother who demanded that I get the recording of Abraham Lincoln giving his Gettysburg Address.  She knew it exsisted because she had watched a program on PBS about Lincoln and they played that recording!!  I tried to tell her that what she heard was a recording of an actor reading the Gettysburg Address; there were no recordings of Lincoln presenting the address because there was NO recording equipment in the 19th century.  Finally I told her to call the local PBS station and ask them about it!!  The program manager of the station was not happy with me!

I love the APE series, and am beginning to read the Vicky bliss series.  The last book of Vicky's series implies what the customer was claiming.  (The Laughter of Dead Kings, for those of you who are interested.)

However, right at the beginning, Peters makes a statement about how fictional series' have alternate timelines, (ones that don't advance exactly with real time), so YES she should have known it IS fiction.  Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: LeeLee88 on November 16, 2008, 07:48:21 PM
I've worked in far too many retail locations, and as a result I have far too many terrible stories of customers' bad behavior (e.g. leaving fresh feces in the changing rooms  :-X) but here's one about asking me to do the impossible.  I was working in a perfume/luxury goods sort of store, and a customer comes in with a grocery bag full of travel sized bottles of lotions, body washes, what have you.  She comes up to me, and is very sweet and nice while she tells me that she just wants to return these as the scent just doesn't appeal to her.  Smiling me dutifully starts pulling items out of the bag while she goes to look around, and this is when I realize that except for one aloe vera lotion, I have never seen any of this stuff before.  I had been working in this store for about a year at this point, and our store specialized in selling fragrances that had been discontinued by the company I worked for; some of the fragrances we specialized in had been most popular in the '80s. 

So, I hadn't seen any of these fragrances before, and while the customer is looking, I go get my manager because not only do I not recognize this as product we could have sold the woman, but it has been used (think crusties on the outside) until it was almost gone, some was so old it was discolored, and others had price tags on them that were not only *not* our price tags, they were so old they had turned yellow, and the glue had completely dried out.  My manager takes one look at the woman and explains to me to let her handle it.  Apparently, this woman had a habit of purchasing products from our store off of Ebay for a very small fee, and then coming back into our store to get a refund that was considerably more than what she was owed.  Oh, the fragrances I didn't recognize?  They had been discontinued in the mid-'70s  :o and after a smell-check, they were definitely past their shelf life. 

My manager handled the woman really well, and even though the woman started yelling at me (why be sweet if you aren't getting your way, I guess) my manager somehow satisfied the woman enough to get her out of the store peacefully, then told me to not bother waiting on that customer should she be back in, just let the manager know she was there and go about my business.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: BabyMama on November 16, 2008, 07:49:24 PM

Have you ever read the customer reviews of The Princess Bride on Amazon? I think you'd appreciate them.


:::opens a new Internet window to Amazon:::  ;D

ETA: :::snigger::: W. Goldman has abridged this classic by omitting over 100 pages of the original. If anyone has an available copy of the original by S. Morgenstern or knows somewhere to get it please email me!!! I would be much abliged. Thank You Very Much!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: LeeLee88 on November 16, 2008, 07:54:11 PM
Oh sorry, just one more from the same store as the other one:  A customer who wanted to know if she could use body powder to douche, and when i said 'no', she says, "And why not?" with all seriousness.  I started to smile, but realized she wasn't joking, and so had to give this older woman a very brief lesson on lady parts.   :-[
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Kaylee on November 16, 2008, 07:55:58 PM

Have you ever read the customer reviews of The Princess Bride on Amazon? I think you'd appreciate them.


:::opens a new Internet window to Amazon:::  ;D

ETA: :::snigger::: W. Goldman has abridged this classic by omitting over 100 pages of the original. If anyone has an available copy of the original by S. Morgenstern or knows somewhere to get it please email me!!! I would be much abliged. Thank You Very Much!

Oh, dear.   ::)

Well....at least they're reading books?   8)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Reika on November 16, 2008, 07:58:42 PM

Funny how it's always "different" when the shoe-is-on-the-other foot, isn't it?

I was trying to work with a customer who hadn't paid us a dime for his ads. "I have to think about whether I'm going to pay for this, I don't know whether I've gotten much business from them". Uh - you HAVE to pay us, you signed a contract!  I tried to get that across as politely as I could.  Finally I said - "what if I came into your shop to have my windshield replaced, and I said that I'd come back and pay for it in six months if I decided that I was happy with it?  Would that be fine with you?"  "Of course not, that's completely different!"

In your own case - sometimes it really doesn't pay, over the long term, to keep giving concessions like you did with this customer - your company would have had grounds for cancelling her policy, as you say.  For a lot of customers (no, not all) - once you give a little leniency, they start expecting a lot of leniency.

Yeah, everyone is their own special unique little snowflake. /sarcasm

With regards to the concessions, I think it was just an oversight on someone's part. My office is the only one that handles these accounts and we have customers in all 50 states, as well as Puerto Rico and a few other American territories, so sometimes stuff slips through the cracks.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: extranormal on November 16, 2008, 08:06:21 PM
I suspect the majority of customer service reps, retail workers, and restaurant employees would vote to ban entirely the words "unacceptable" and "ridiculous" from the English language.

Quote
We sell promotional products with customized imprints. We can print your company name/logo/slogan/what have you on our items.


Squishy, I'd forgotten that you had another job, so this startled me a bit. I was trying to figure out why a mortuary would sell items with slogans...and just what those items might be.

In my case, it wasn't so much a customer as a bureaucrat. I was filling out a form involving my son and it asked for the name of his school. I filled in "homeschool" and turned it in.

Bureaucrat: Ma'am, we need the name of the child's school
Me: He doesn't go to school, so there is no school name.
Bureaucrat: We need the name of his school before we can process this.
Me: Won't "homeschool" suffice?
Bureaucrat: We need a name (her tone clearly implying that she thinks me mentally deficient). His school has to be called something.

At this point, I'm contemplating coming up with some smart-alecky name and putting it on the form, but I don't want my kid to have to apply to colleges with a transcript from The Northwest Strawberry Cream Cheese Academy. So I take the form back and replace "homeschool" with "Home School."

Bureaucrat: See? That's what I meant when I said we needed a name.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kareng57 on November 16, 2008, 08:42:17 PM

Funny how it's always "different" when the shoe-is-on-the-other foot, isn't it?

I was trying to work with a customer who hadn't paid us a dime for his ads. "I have to think about whether I'm going to pay for this, I don't know whether I've gotten much business from them". Uh - you HAVE to pay us, you signed a contract!  I tried to get that across as politely as I could.  Finally I said - "what if I came into your shop to have my windshield replaced, and I said that I'd come back and pay for it in six months if I decided that I was happy with it?  Would that be fine with you?"  "Of course not, that's completely different!"

In your own case - sometimes it really doesn't pay, over the long term, to keep giving concessions like you did with this customer - your company would have had grounds for cancelling her policy, as you say.  For a lot of customers (no, not all) - once you give a little leniency, they start expecting a lot of leniency.

Yeah, everyone is their own special unique little snowflake. /sarcasm

With regards to the concessions, I think it was just an oversight on someone's part. My office is the only one that handles these accounts and we have customers in all 50 states, as well as Puerto Rico and a few other American territories, so sometimes stuff slips through the cracks.

Sorry - now that I'm reading it again, I didn't mean "you" personally, I meant your company.  And I'll agree completely that often, in a large company, things definitely do fall through cracks.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: artk2002 on November 16, 2008, 09:27:34 PM

Have you ever read the customer reviews of The Princess Bride on Amazon? I think you'd appreciate them.


:::opens a new Internet window to Amazon:::  ;D

ETA: :::snigger::: W. Goldman has abridged this classic by omitting over 100 pages of the original. If anyone has an available copy of the original by S. Morgenstern or knows somewhere to get it please email me!!! I would be much abliged. Thank You Very Much!

Oh, dear.   ::)

Well....at least they're reading books?   8)

I'm now crying for the future of humanity.  :'(
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Shea on November 16, 2008, 09:37:08 PM

She (now sounding rather furious): "Why don't you want to let my mare become covered by your black stallion?"
Me: "Because he isn't a stallion anymore!"
She: "What do you mean with that?"
Me: "My boy is a gelding."
She: "So what? I want to have a foal from him."

Sycorax
"That was the moment my jaw dropped ..."

This person should never have been allowed to buy a horse, let alone breed them :o. I worked at a barn in high school, and we gave trail rides and had weeklong horse camps for kids during the summer. I only remember one "not gonna happen" request though.

Me: You'll be riding this horse, her name is Daisy.
Guest: ::face falls:: Do you have a white horse? (Daisy is an Appaloosa, a spotted breed of horse)
Me: Um...just one, but he's very old and for his wellbeing we only have children ride him.
Guest: What about that horse? ::points to nearby run where a border's stallion is standing:: (Stallion is a paint, but has few markings and from that angle he looked all of one color)
Me: The stable doesn't own that horse, and besides, he's a stallion. Only very experienced riders ride him.
Guest: Why can't I ride him?
Me: He doesn't belong to us, and he's dangerous. (he wasn't really, but would be for an inexperienced rider)
Guest: But...why can't I ride him?
Me: Because he'd hurt you.
Guest: Oh. ::I help guest onto her horse, and then bring my horse out from inside the barn. My horse at the time was very light fleabitten grey, i.e., looked white) Can I ride that horse?
Me: This is my horse, and she needs an experienced rider.
Guest: Can I ride her just a bit at the end of the ride?
Me: ::wishes Daisy would buck guest off and stomp on her::

I have no idea what the fixation with "white" horses was. It was weird. Working at the bookstore for awhile, I also had a number of times where a patron could not understand that we did not have a book in stock. No, it was not in "the back". No, looking in "the back" multiple times would not make it magically emerge.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: baconsmom on November 16, 2008, 09:45:54 PM
And for those of you who work in retail... I'm sorry, but many stores do keep merchandise in "the back." Customers don't know who does this and who doesn't. Don't call them stupid for asking you if you have one in "the back," because at the last store they visited, someone said "Let me know if you don't see your size, and I'll check in the back."

I should have been more clear - these were customers who refused to believe me when I said, politely, that we kept nothing in the back room. After getting a few of these intractable souls, I learned to recognize the signs, and lied to them. They were happy, I was - well, not as annoyed, at least - and I could get on to the next customer.

It's certainly not rude to ask, politely - but if the clerk says there is no "back", please believe them.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Maggie on November 16, 2008, 09:57:06 PM
I have many many stories.  I'm not sure this belongs here but there was a woman who was checking out.  She was purchasing some kind of fruit.  The cashier had put in the item number and they came up $1.50 a pound.  She told the cashier they weren't 1.50 they were 2 pounds for $3.00.  No matter how hard the cashier tried the customer did not understand that 2/3.00 was $1.50 a pound.  She finally called a csm over and she tried to convince her as well.  The customer finally told the cashier that fine she didn't want them if she couldn't have them for 2/3.00.  I've always wondered if she ever told that story to people and they finally convinced her that yes 2/3.00 was the same as $1.50. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: 42_42_42 on November 16, 2008, 10:12:14 PM
"I sometimes wonder why people who don't have the slightest glue about genetic try to breed horses ..."

(http://img2.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/animated/anim_59.gif) (http://www.mysmiley.net/free-unhappy-smileys.php)

Intentional or Freudian Slip? Hilarious, either way!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: HET on November 16, 2008, 10:18:18 PM
And we file Sycorax's customer under "those wanting you to perform an anatomical impossibility"

This might have been said already (I haven't read beyond page 1 of the thread...yet). OTOH, this is an etiquette board and ya'll are MUCH more polite than me. (Beige colored text ahead, do not highlight if you are easily offended):

If I had been in some of the situations already mentioned, some of these patrons would have been asked to perform anatomical impossibilities on themselves.  >:D

I know, not polite AT.ALL. That's why I'm not working with the public at the moment.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: missmolly on November 16, 2008, 10:54:06 PM
Quote
I have no idea what the fixation with "white" horses was. It was weird.

Perhaps she wanted to put rings on her fingers and bell on her toes and ride to Banbury Cross?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: auroratudor on November 16, 2008, 11:03:27 PM
Someone I know works on the business end of a company that breeds mice and rats for scientific research.

Everyday she has to explain to people who have about 5 degrees that no, they can't just have 50 female mice with [insert random scientific need, like having no immune system] available for shipment tomorrow. They have to BREED them first. And half of them will be male so no good. And lab mice have small litters. And she's sorry they didn't plan far enough in advance but they can't just make the mice appear out of thin air.

Having a PhD does not necessarily give you common sense.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: DistantStar on November 16, 2008, 11:39:00 PM
A composite sort of conversation.  I work in the reservations office for a well-known resort which has two hotels and a bunch of condos available to guests.  I have had this sort of conversation on quite a few occasions.

Me: LovelyExpensiveResort reservations, my name is [DistantStar], how can I help you?"
Guest:  I'd like a room for three nights starting on February 47th, in MoreFamous OfTheTwo Hotel.
Me:  Okay, let me look at what I have available...all right.  I'm afraid we're totally sold out, the whole property.
Guest:  What about LessFamousButVeryNice Hotel?
Me:  Oh, I wasn't clear.  We're totally sold out.  Both hotels, the condos, everything.  I can give you a couple of numbers to call --
Guest:  Well, what about a condo?  The deluxe ones?
Me:  No, sir, no condos, either the deluxe or the standard.  The entire resort is sold out.  That is a very busy time for us.
Guest:  You have to have something!
Me:  I'm afraid not.
Guest:  This is unbelievable!  February 47th is months away!
Me:  Well, sir, we have some big conventions coming in and we're always busy then anyway.  As I said, I have a couple of numbers for other places nearby.
Guest:  You must have something.  What about the BigExpensiveFreestandingHouses?
Me:  Those are sold as well.  I have nothing to offer you.  There are several other hotels  --
Guest:  Well, fine!  I'll just go somewhere else!  *click*
Me:  $*^&!  @(#*$&#*$%&*$(!!!!!

It's not like I have magical rooms I can pull from where the sun don't shine just to make a caller happy.  And I'm not going to get offended at you going somewhere else when I've been trying to tell you to do just that!  Do they think I enjoy telling them we don't have availability?  Do they think I'm playing a game?  I'd be in real trouble if I told them we were sold out when we weren't, honest!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: TychaBrahe on November 17, 2008, 12:04:57 AM
I think a lot of customers picture "the back" as Aladdin's cave, complete with a grant-your-retail-wish genie in a lamp.  ;D

Please have some sympathy for those who ask the retailer to "look in the back."

When I was a child, and up until about twenty years ago, a shoe store consisted of a display of shoes in various styles and some chairs.  You would look at the styles for a bit, and a clerk would come up to you and ask if you wanted to see something.  You would then say something like, "I'd like to see that pump in a 9 wide, and do you have it in blue?"  And the salesman would go out and come back with several boxes of shoes.  He would bring what you wanted wanted (the shoe in blue, in 9 wide) if it was available and several similar shoes (the same in black, a slightly different shoe in blue, and so forth).  You would try on the shoe and if you said something like, "I like it, but the heel is a bit too high," it would turn out that there was a similar shoe, in blue, with a lower heel.

Merchants would often not put out everything they had because it was cheaper to use space as a stockroom than as a showroom and because shipments were slower and more expensive, so more stock was kept on hand.  Instead of putting six white size six sweaters, six white size seven sweaters, six white size eight sweaters, etc. on display, they would put one white sweater and you would ask for it in your size. 

With computerized inventory and just-in-time stocking systems, things have changed quite a bit.  When a store closes up for the night, it transmits its sales to the main office, which figures out what has been sold, how many need to be sent in to meet demand, and arranges the shipping automatically.  If the stuff goes UPS, it's there in two days.  If it's a grocery or pharmacy chain fed from a centralized warehouse, the stuff is on a truck the next morning. 

However, most people aren't aware of this change in business and still think there's a stockroom in back.  Generally, only at the holidays, where there isn't enough shelf space to display all of the cans of pumpkin pie filling they are going to be selling in a single day.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Nightboomfer on November 17, 2008, 02:22:17 AM
There was the guy who wanted a birthday cake for his kid. No problem, I told him it'd be ready in about half an hour or so after I took his order. He just could not accept this. I told him that we needed to bake the cake first. He told me his kid's party was in five minutes and he needed it NOW. (Honestly, what part of "we need to bake it first" is so hard to understand? We can't just sell you a raw lump of dough. Also: if the cake was that important, why didn't you make sure you had it ahead of time?)

Then there was the guy who wanted a "Spongebob" cake and refused to believe that we didn't have the license for the character. If we had a Spongebob cake, we'd gladly sell you one, but we don't, so we can't.

Anyone else notice that a common trend when you tell someone you can't do something is that they will reply "Fine then, I'll just go somewhere else" after arguing with you over whether or not you have the thing they want.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Itza on November 17, 2008, 02:30:46 AM
My husband was in one of the local DIY shops a few years ago.  He went during his lunch break and was wearing his ID badge on his shirt (he used to work in a college).

A customer approached and asked him a product related question.

"I'm sorry, I don't work here," he replied.

They eyed him suspiciously and looked at his badge.

"But..."

"I'm sorry, I don't work here," he repeated.

They looked at his badge again.

I wonder if they thought he was some disgruntled employee  ???

I would have loved to see the look on their face if they'd complained to management who I can imagine saying, "Who?  Him?  No, he doesn't work here."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: scotcat on November 17, 2008, 04:45:28 AM
Me (after a moment or two with Books in Print) I'm sorry, but that book is no longer in print.
Girl: Can't you get it?
Me: Uh, nope.  It's no longer in print.  You might be able to find it at a used bookstore like--

In the days before Amazon and ebay, we used to get yearly calls to the library I work in from people who were on a nursing course, asking where could they obtain  a particular book on laboratory practice, which was one of their set texts.I would tell them that was out of print and had been for years. One lady said she had even contacted the author, and he could not tell her where to get a copy. Finally, when the nth person said that it was on the reading list, I told her to tell the lecturer setting it that it was out of print, and to please stop recommending it. She must have, because we got no more calls.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on November 17, 2008, 07:31:12 AM
And for those of you who work in retail... I'm sorry, but many stores do keep merchandise in "the back." Customers don't know who does this and who doesn't. Don't call them stupid for asking you if you have one in "the back," because at the last store they visited, someone said "Let me know if you don't see your size, and I'll check in the back."

I should have been more clear - these were customers who refused to believe me when I said, politely, that we kept nothing in the back room. After getting a few of these intractable souls, I learned to recognize the signs, and lied to them. They were happy, I was - well, not as annoyed, at least - and I could get on to the next customer.

It's certainly not rude to ask, politely - but if the clerk says there is no "back", please believe them.

No argument here!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on November 17, 2008, 07:31:55 AM

Have you ever read the customer reviews of The Princess Bride on Amazon? I think you'd appreciate them.


:::opens a new Internet window to Amazon:::  ;D

ETA: :::snigger::: W. Goldman has abridged this classic by omitting over 100 pages of the original. If anyone has an available copy of the original by S. Morgenstern or knows somewhere to get it please email me!!! I would be much abliged. Thank You Very Much!

Oh, dear.   ::)

Well....at least they're reading books?   8)

I'm now crying for the future of humanity.  :'(

I hope some of them are joking.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Lady Snowdon on November 17, 2008, 07:54:34 AM
Okay, time to make myself look slightly stupid here.  I saw the movie "The Princess Bride" first, and then read the book.  I didn't realize that the comments about editing out portions and leaving out chapters were part of the story at first, so I did spend about a year looking for a copy by S. Morgenstern.  Even after I found out what the reality was, I always wished there was an actual book written by an S. Morgenstern.  Some of the stuff that's alluded to in "The Princess Bride" sounds fascinating!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 17, 2008, 08:16:31 AM
After lurking for over a year, this thread demanded that I add my impossible patron request.


There also was the mother who demanded that I get the recording of Abraham Lincoln giving his Gettysburg Address.  She knew it exsisted because she had watched a program on PBS about Lincoln and they played that recording!!  I tried to tell her that what she heard was a recording of an actor reading the Gettysburg Address; there were no recordings of Lincoln presenting the address because there was NO recording equipment in the 19th century.  Finally I told her to call the local PBS station and ask them about it!!  The program manager of the station was not happy with me!

Oi! What is with these people?  I think it was at Stupid Patron Tricks that I read about people complaining to librarians that the library carried videos of John F. Kennedy giving his acceptance speech, but not of George Washington and why didn't we have George Washington on videotape? 

A few years back a coworker rolled her eyes in exasperation while recounting the following tale: 

A woman came into the children's library and demanded (demanded!) a book with pictures of dinosaurs.  Co worker (department head) picked up several, new books and brought them to her.

Woman had a fit.  "These are illustrations!  I need pictures."

Cowowker said "Illustrations ARE pictures, ma'am."

"No," replied woman.  "You don't understand.  My son has to do a presentation on dinosaurs and he MUST have photographs of live dinosaurs."

My coworker explained nine ways to sunday that "Jurassic Park" was a special effects movie and the "dinosaurs" at a recent local exhbit were animatronics, but it didn't matter to the patron.  She needed photos of LIVE dinosaurs and it was clearly our fault for not getting with the time.  Methinks someone really could clean up by inventing real time travel.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: hjaye on November 17, 2008, 08:22:28 AM
After lurking for over a year, this thread demanded that I add my impossible patron request.


There also was the mother who demanded that I get the recording of Abraham Lincoln giving his Gettysburg Address.  She knew it exsisted because she had watched a program on PBS about Lincoln and they played that recording!!  I tried to tell her that what she heard was a recording of an actor reading the Gettysburg Address; there were no recordings of Lincoln presenting the address because there was NO recording equipment in the 19th century.  Finally I told her to call the local PBS station and ask them about it!!  The program manager of the station was not happy with me!

Oi! What is with these people?  I think it was at Stupid Patron Tricks that I read about people complaining to librarians that the library carried videos of John F. Kennedy giving his acceptance speech, but not of George Washington and why didn't we have George Washington on videotape? 

A few years back a coworker rolled her eyes in exasperation while recounting the following tale: 

A woman came into the children's library and demanded (demanded!) a book with pictures of dinosaurs.  Co worker (department head) picked up several, new books and brought them to her.

Woman had a fit.  "These are illustrations!  I need pictures."

Cowowker said "Illustrations ARE pictures, ma'am."

"No," replied woman.  "You don't understand.  My son has to do a presentation on dinosaurs and he MUST have photographs of live dinosaurs."

My coworker explained nine ways to sunday that "Jurassic Park" was a special effects movie and the "dinosaurs" at a recent local exhbit were animatronics, but it didn't matter to the patron.  She needed photos of LIVE dinosaurs and it was clearly our fault for not getting with the time.  Methinks someone really could clean up by inventing real time travel.

A few years ago, one of our local radio stations was giving away passess to a dinosaur exhibit.  One of the winners called to complain.  She was upset that they did not have real dinosaurs at the exhibit and therefore the whole exhibit was a ripoff.  And yes, she was dead serious.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Haltermare on November 17, 2008, 08:38:58 AM
My favourite customer last spring was a lady who wanted her mare to become covered by a certain stallion. I told her it wouldn't be possible because he died last year, but offered her to look for one of his sons or - perhaps even more suiting for her mare - one of his nephews.

I know exactly what you mean... I am a breeding manager and I love phone calls where people want shipped semen and just expect you to send it.  Or breed their mare, in January, when she hasn't been under lights, and breeding season doesn't start until Feb.15th.  She also hasn't been palpated and they have no idea if she's even cycling.
It is just basic biology- if she isn't ovulating, she WILL NOT settle. ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on November 17, 2008, 09:05:22 AM
I work in advertising.  I'm a mere administrative assisant.    :D

I think I was on the job for about 5 minutes when the client left me a VM with this request:

"Hi!  You must be 2LM.  Nice to meet you!  Anyway, I was watching some show last night and our company was mentioned as kind of a riff.  Can you find it for me, put it on a DVD and send it for first overnight?  I need it ASAP.  That would be great.  Thanks!"

I would LOVE to but I need a few minor details.  Like the name of the show.  And what time it aired.  (the service we use for such requests charges for the amount of time spent looking for the program, so if you know when it aired, it's much cheaper.)  Otherwise, I got nothing.

Then I used to work for a supervisor who thought I was in charge of the FAA.  She would ask me to arrange flights for her that simply didn't exist and when I informed her of this fact, she'd say "Well, I really don't know what to tell you."  In the end, she'd pick a flight that actually existed but she made it very difficult and stressful.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Twik on November 17, 2008, 10:01:57 AM
Woman had a fit.  "These are illustrations!  I need pictures."

Cowowker said "Illustrations ARE pictures, ma'am."

"No," replied woman.  "You don't understand.  My son has to do a presentation on dinosaurs and he MUST have photographs of live dinosaurs."


Now, there IS a dinosaur illustrator, I believe his name is John Gurche, who specializes in "photorealistic" pictures of dinosaurs. Maybe you could have passed off one of his as a "caught live in the field" photo?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: magiccat26 on November 17, 2008, 10:34:18 AM
The most frustrating one for me was at my old company.  For a little background, understand that our CEO was my boss and that the man was used to everyone catering to him.

So, the date is 9/11/01.  CEO was at a Meeting IN THE MIAMI AIRPORT Miami when the towers fell with a meeting in Atlanta the next day.

CEO:  Magiccat, I need you to find out what's going on with my flight.  This lady at the counter says all the flights are cancelled.
Me:  Sir, terrorists have attacked the United States and flown planes into buildings.  They have grounded all flights until further notice.
CEO:  Well, I have a very important meeting in Atlanta.  I need to get a flight.  See if you can find another one for me.
Me:  Sir, with all due respect...no planes are flying in the near future.
CEO:  You're not listening.  I have to be in Atlanta.  Find me a flight.
Me:  Sir, have you been watching the news?  Due to terrorists attacking our country using airplanes as their weapon, all flights have been grounded.  No one is getting on an airplane today.
CEO:  Well, that's unaccpectable.  We can't just grind to a halt, I have a business to run.
Me:  ( ::))  Sir, how about I try to get you a rental car and you can drive...it might be a challenge as I bet everyone else is renting cars too.
CEO:  You get on that!  I need to be at that meeting tomorrow!

Needless to say, he did NOT get a flight that day...he didn't even get a rental car, because they were all gone.  We ended up having one of our employees in Miami DRIVE him to Atlanta and paid her for milage.

Some things and people are just impossible.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on November 17, 2008, 10:37:31 AM
CEO:  Well, I have a very important meeting in Atlanta.  I need to get a flight.  See if you can find another one for me.
Me:  Sir, with all due respect...no planes are flying in the near future.
CEO:  You're not listening.  I have to be in Atlanta.  Find me a flight.

EvilCaranfin would have called him back and said "Sir, I was able to get you on a flight, but due to extra security, you're going to have to use a code word to get on. When you get to the airport, find a security officer and say "Praise Bin Laden. Death to America."

But then, EvilCaranfin is always updating her resume...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MyFamily on November 17, 2008, 10:51:22 AM
The most frustrating one for me was at my old company.  For a little background, understand that our CEO was my boss and that the man was used to everyone catering to him.

So, the date is 9/11/01.  CEO was at a Meeting IN THE MIAMI AIRPORT Miami when the towers fell with a meeting in Atlanta the next day.

CEO:  Magiccat, I need you to find out what's going on with my flight.  This lady at the counter says all the flights are cancelled.
Me:  Sir, terrorists have attacked the United States and flown planes into buildings.  They have grounded all flights until further notice.
CEO:  Well, I have a very important meeting in Atlanta.  I need to get a flight.  See if you can find another one for me.
Me:  Sir, with all due respect...no planes are flying in the near future.
CEO:  You're not listening.  I have to be in Atlanta.  Find me a flight.
Me:  Sir, have you been watching the news?  Due to terrorists attacking our country using airplanes as their weapon, all flights have been grounded.  No one is getting on an airplane today.
CEO:  Well, that's unaccpectable.  We can't just grind to a halt, I have a business to run.
Me:  ( ::))  Sir, how about I try to get you a rental car and you can drive...it might be a challenge as I bet everyone else is renting cars too.
CEO:  You get on that!  I need to be at that meeting tomorrow!

Needless to say, he did NOT get a flight that day...he didn't even get a rental car, because they were all gone.  We ended up having one of our employees in Miami DRIVE him to Atlanta and paid her for milage.

Some things and people are just impossible.

Wow! And I thought some of these stories were bad, but this is just an example of pure, simple self-centered stupidity.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Yvaine on November 17, 2008, 10:51:25 AM
One of my jobs is as an administrative assistant in an academic department. A few years ago, we had a power outage in my building during a rainstorm. I was sitting at my desk in the semidark sorting the mail, when lo and behold, along come a small group of students. Convo went something like this:

Students: Can we use the copier?
Me: Sorry, our power is out, so it's not working.
Students: When is the power coming back on?
Me: .......I guess when the city fixes whatever got messed up?
Students: But we need to make cooooooopies!
Me: Sorry, but without the power on...Actually, now that I think of it, I was just over at OtherBuilding, and their power was on. You could go over there.
Students: But that copier costs money, and besides, class starts in five minutes!
 ::) ::) ::)

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: purplemuse on November 17, 2008, 11:01:17 AM
I used to work for Colonel Sanders in a store in Canada.  We did not sell mashed potatoes.

Customer interactions generally went one of two ways:

#1
Customer:  I'd like blah, blah, a large mashed potatoes...
Me:  I'm sorry, we don't sell mashed potatoes here.
C:  You don't sell mashed potatoes?
M:  No.
C:  No mashed potatoes at all?
M:  No.
C:  You really don't have any mashed potatoes?
Repeat ad nauseum

#2
Customer:  I'd like blah, blah, a large mashed potatoes...
Me:  I'm sorry, we don't sell mashed potatoes here.
C:  Why don't you have any mashed potatoes?
M:  I guess they don't sell well here, so we don't have them.
C:  Well, what am I supposed to do now?  I expected you would have mashed potatoes!
M:  We have fries, coleslaw, macaroni salad, and potato salad for sides.
C:  I wanted mashed potatoes!
M:  I'm sorry, we don't have them here.
C:  I can't believe you don't have mashed potatoes!

I never actually said this to a customer, but evilmuse often lobbied for me to respond with:  "Well, I suppose I could smush up some french fries for you..."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Jaelle on November 17, 2008, 11:04:02 AM
I work at a morning newspaper. The pages are sent to the press about 2 a.m. in the morning and the paper is shipped out several hours later. Yet we still get calls like this:

This is about 10 a.m.
Person: Hi, I need to get a brief in the paper about X event.
Co-worker: OK, you can fax or e-mail it to us, or give me the details now. When is it?
Person: 6 p.m. tonight
Co-worker: ??? Um, we can't get it in the paper, the paper is done already.
Person: You can't just wedge it in someplace? It doesn't matter where it is.
Co-worker: No, the paper is done and printed. It's on the stands and being delivered to homes already.
Person: You can't call it back and just get this in for me?
Co-worker: !!??

And then there are the conversations I've had with otherwise intelligent editors who just don't understand basic space issues.

Editor: OK, we need to put the XYZ story on 6A.
Me (checking since that reporter is notorious for writing epics): Um, well, it looks like that story is about 40 inches and there's art, right? There are a ton of ads on 6A and I'd say there's about 20 inches, tops.
(The editors do have the print-outs that show the spacing.)
Editor: Well, it needs to go there, there's nowhere else to put it.
Me: OK, then it's going to need to be cut quite a bit, and we can't run the art.
Editor: No, it's a really good story and the art's great.
Me: OK, but it won't fit there if it's not cut.
Editor: Can't you just squeeze it in?
Me: ?!? No. (Not if you want it to be legible, anyway ...  ::))

I've had experience on both sides, so I probably understand this better than most .. but really ...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 17, 2008, 11:07:09 AM
I worked for a laboratory that tested the drinking water for the municipality.  We occasionally fielded calls from the public complaining about their drinking water.

A man called in.  He had a fish tank with one fish in it.  He added twenty fish, all at once, and they all died.  He insisted that we had to test the water in his fish tank because it was the water's fault.  And when I politely refused as that water is no longer drinking water, I got the 'I pay your salary' speech.  I referred him to my supervisor.

Yeah, adding 20 fish to a fish tank all at once doesn't stress them out or anything   ::)  And I don't even know that much about fish.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: thebeckster on November 17, 2008, 11:37:20 AM
I worked at a bank. One day, our branch and the block we were on were all without power. A customer called (all calls were routed to our 1 emergency power phone) and said he had a question about his account. I explained to him that we had no power, I could call him back when we had power, or he could contact one of our neighboring branches. No, he wanted to talk to me about this, when would we have power? I told him the power company was telling us 24-48 hours (standard response).

He called back about 10 minutes later. Did I get the fax he had sent? Um-mm, no, our fax runs on electricity, and that still hasn't been restored. He got upset with me because, after all, the fax went through on his end, and our fax line had rung.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on November 17, 2008, 11:44:15 AM
Quote
I have no idea what the fixation with "white" horses was. It was weird.

Perhaps she wanted to put rings on her fingers and bell on her toes and ride to Banbury Cross?

Somewhat off topic, but I always thought "With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes and a bone in her nose, ho ho" was one of the best song lyrics I've ever heard.

(Ray Stevens, "Ahab the Arab.")
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on November 17, 2008, 11:45:26 AM
A man called in.  He had a fish tank with one fish in it.  He added twenty fish, all at once, and they all died.  He insisted that we had to test the water in his fish tank because it was the water's fault.  And when I politely refused as that water is no longer drinking water, I got the 'I pay your salary' speech.  

But if he had promised to bring it in and take a big drink of it, would you have tested it?  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 17, 2008, 11:48:18 AM
LOL.  No, there are very specific containers to be used for sampling that are sterile or specially cleaned or have preservatives in them so we would never accept samples that hadn't been taken by a qualified person.  And now, it is actually the law that the sampler must have certain qualifications to submit samples.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: mumma to KMC on November 17, 2008, 11:55:13 AM
This one didn't even leave the "barn" before we shut my MIL down.

A few years ago, dh took a job in a town an hour away. My husband and I are in the habit of attending daily church services for our particular Faith. When dh took the job, he wasn't able to attend service one day a week, because that was the day the service was later due to it being for the kids in school.

We were having dinner with his parents and it came up that we had to "modify" our weekly schedule. Ah,yes, my MIL's suggestion:

"Why don't you call Fr. so and so and ask if he could move mass to x time so you could attend?"
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kajunchick on November 17, 2008, 11:58:59 AM
I work for a water company. We use a printing company to print our bills, so we don't have actual copies of our bills. Some people just don't get that.

Irate Man: Yeah, I need to register my son for school, and I need a copy of my bill.
Me: We don't print our bills here, but I can print a customer history report for you.
IM: What do you mean? I need a copy of my bill.
Me: I'm sorry, we use a printing company to print our bills. I can print a customer history report. That will have all your information on it. The school should accept that.
IM: You have computers! You can just print a copy!

This went on for a while. He finally agreed to accept the report I was offering him, after accusing me of being lazy, because "OurTown is so small, we can't have more than 200 customers" (we have almost 2500 customers, and only two office employees. It really is time consuming to print and mail out all of those bills). I have no reason to lie to my customers, why do they always assume that I am???
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 17, 2008, 12:05:24 PM
I don’t have time to savor this thread in its fullness but I do have a story to share, and it will also mark it so I can read it at my leisure. :DA long time ago in a city not that far away, I handled letters to the editor for a small hometown newspaper. I was pretty skilled at dealing with letter writers who wanted their letter in Right! Away! and I’d genuinely do my best, but there were times I just couldn’t help. There’s one I’ll never forget - it's very similar to elephantschild's situation above, which I just noticed. :D).

I got back from lunch to find three phone messages (in the course of an hour) from the same person. We didn’t have voice mail then so these were little pink slips, and our receptionist had covered the last one with exclamation points. I called the person back right away. This is approximately the conversation that followed:

Him: “I must get my letter in before the next meeting of Yourtown City Council - I  have information they must consider.”
Me: “OK, let's see. Oh, wait - you know the next meeting is tonight?” (I was thinking he’d say “Oh, I meant the next meeting after that.”)
Instead, he sighed, as if I were stupid.
Him: “Yes. That’s why I called you.”
Me: “OK, sir, you know we’re a morning newspaper, right? We won’t publish another edition until tomorrow morning.”
Him: (long pause.)
Him: “Oh."
Me: "I'm sorry, sir.”
Him: (another long pause)
Him:“Well, how about if I fax it in? Or I can read it to you and you can take dictation?”

Me: *headdesk*
(He was not pleased at my recommendation to actually go to the council meeting and read them his letter.)

elephantschild We've definitely had the experience with the reporters who write epics for a 13-inch hole. What are the editors supposed to do? Make the paper longer? LOL.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on November 17, 2008, 12:09:29 PM
I used to love the doctors who'd bring me a 30-minute tape that was full, front and back, and tell me they needed the report in ten minutes.  I'm good but not that good!  

Then there was this one.  I've told about this one before:  The person in charge of booking patients on planes called me up and told me she needed a summary so she could book a patient on a plane.  I checked the system, and the doctor hadn't dictated anything.  I called her back and told her this, and added, "We've got an operation report.  Would that help?"

Her response:  "I need a summary!"
Me:  "I can't transcribe what hasn't been dictated."
Her:  "But I need a summary so I can book the patient on a plane!"
Me:  "I still can't transcribe what hasn't been dictated.  Call the doctor and get him to dictate a summary, and we'll do it stat (on the double.)"

She said she would, and hung up.

Ten minutes later:
Her:  "I called the doctor, and he's going to be in surgery all afternoon and can't dictate a report, and I need a summary to put that patient on a plane!"
Me:  "We still can't transcribe something that hasn't been dictated.  I can send you the patient's operation report - that has the information you need."

Finally, after about five repetitions of the above I got her to take the operation report.  If she'd asked me to make something up, I'd have refused, but that though apparently never occurred to her (or she had the brains to realize that I'd refuse.)  She wasn't a bad sort, just a little dim at times.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: magiccat26 on November 17, 2008, 12:22:14 PM
That last post reminded me of this story....and yes this is the same CEO from the 9/11 story.

Anyone here who has ever had to put together a presentation probably knows that a good presentation (or training class in my case) takes a lot longer to put together than it does to actually deliver.

My boss would come to me and tell me that he was doing a presentation to a client and needed a full powerpoint with statistics, product offerings (tailored to the client's line of business), etc.  OH, and it should be around 30 minutes long.  Then, he would tell me the presentation was the next day at 9:00 a.m. and could I have it to him in 30 minutes for review because he was leaving for the rest of the day.

When I requested a little more time (as I would have to research the statistics, get with the sales team and finally draft it into the program...), he looked at me with pure disbelief...."It's a couple of powerpoint slides!  It shouldn't take you more than 10 minutes to whip that up!  I'm not asking for a dissertation on the origins of life on mars!"

 ::)

Yeah, there's a real good reason I don't work there any longer!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Josiepug on November 17, 2008, 12:28:02 PM
These are great!

I briefly worked at a medical billing company. Basically doctors offices would send us the information and we would bill the patient's insurance company and then the patient. We sent out two bills and then a third one would be sent that was printed on pink paper with a big warning that the account was going to collections if a payment wasn't made. You wouldn't believe how many people only received that bright pink one. There was also apparently a rampant mail stealer all over out state that only stole those first two bills.

Anyway my favorite story is this one. We answered patients billing questions via phone all day long. A patient called and demanded to speak to someone about her account. I was the lucky one that answered this call. I pulled up her information and told her what date her visit was, how many bills had gone to her house, etc.

Patient: I do not want these bills. Please put me on your do not call list. If you continue to send me these bills I will report you to my attorney
            for harassment.
Me: Ma'am I can't do that. We are not asking you to open credit card this is about a bill for services rendered.
Patient: If you continue to harass me I will sue you for all of your money.
Then she hung up the phone.

I think I laughed for a good twenty minutes and was not at all sorry when I sent her to collections about a month later. However, in the mean time she did send us a formal looking letter asking us to cease and desist our harassment.  ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on November 17, 2008, 12:38:56 PM
My favourite customer last spring was a lady who wanted her mare to become covered by a certain stallion. I told her it wouldn't be possible because he died last year, but offered her to look for one of his sons or - perhaps even more suiting for her mare - one of his nephews.

Me: "I'd take Stallion R. for your mare. He's a son of the sister of the stallion you actually wished and .... a lot of blubber about his merits."
She: "Is he black?"
Me: "No, he's brown."
She: "So I won't get a black foal from him, will I?"
Me: "Well, with your mare being a chestnut who was only having chestnut foals until now it's unlikely to get a black foal ..."
She: "But the stallion I actually wanted was black, wasn't he?"
Me: "Yes, but nevertheless you probably wouldn't have gotten a black foal from him and your mare. He wasn't homozygous black."
She: "How do you know?"
Me: "His sister is a chestnut too."
She: "But he was black!"
Me: "Of course, he was - but him having a sister who is a chestnut means that he wasn't homozygous black. Besides around 75 % of his children are brown."
She: "But he was black and he had black children!"
Me: "Yes, there are black foals of him, but ..."
She: "You have a black son of him, haven't you?"
Me: "Yes, my dressage horse is a son of him and he's black."
She: "Then I want you to cover my mare with him. I insist on her getting him."
Me: "You know, there's one son of your dream stallion who's black and was having a black mother too - with him the chances to get a black foal are pretty high ..."
She: "I want your horse for my mare!"
Me: "You can't have mine. But why don't you try this black son ..."
She (now sounding rather furious): "Why don't you want to let my mare become covered by your black stallion?"
Me: "Because he isn't a stallion anymore!"
She: "What do you mean with that?"
Me: "My boy is a gelding."
She: "So what? I want to have a foal from him."

Sycorax
"That was the moment my jaw dropped ..."

You would think that if you had horses and wanted to breed that you would actually STUDY genetics and bloodlines. I'm told all the horse people in Kentucky and Virgina do that.

Just like if you have a Woman with Blond hair and Blue eyes (both recesive genes) and a Man with black hair and brown eyes (domant genes) does not result in brown hair and brown eyed children. It's all in how the genes match up, which is a gamble.

ANd this is just what I remember from biology class in high school!

Ginger
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: EddiesMom on November 17, 2008, 12:51:14 PM
A dear friend of mine worked at a business which provides travel services in Sioux City, IA.  She worked there in 1989, at the time of the United Flight 232 disaster.  She related the following call to me...

CALLER:  I'm calling to see if my flight leaving tonight is on time.  
FRIEND:  Ma'am, all flights in and out of Sioux Gateway Airport have been cancelled due to the disaster.
CALLER:  What disaster?  
FRIEND:  Ma'am, an aircraft crashed on landing.  All flights in and out have been cancelled indefinitely.  We will be happy to help re-book your flight from another airport.  
CALLER:  NO!  I have to be on that flight tonight, out of this airport!  
FRIEND:  Ma'am, that won't be possible.  The airport is closed indefinitely.  
CALLER:  They can't do that to me!  I have to be on that flight! And what do they mean when they say indefinitely?  
FRIEND:  Ma'am, it's safe to say that the airport will not be open for quite some time.  
CALLER:  You have to give me an answer!  How long will it be before the airport is open?  
FRIEND:  Ma'am, I don't know.
CALLER:  HOW LONG?  
FRIEND:  (Who is very nearly in tears by this time)  Ma'am, the airport will not be open until the wreckage and remains are cleared.  
CALLER:  Remains?  What kind of remains?  
FRIEND:  Bodies, Ma'am.
CALLER:  Human bodies?
FRIEND:  Yes, Ma'am.  
CALLER:  What kind of airport are they running?
FRIEND:  One that is currently dealing with a disaster, Ma'am.

Friend said she hung up the phone, went in the back room, and burst into tears.      
    
 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: 42_42_42 on November 17, 2008, 01:01:13 PM
I work for a water company. We use a printing company to print our bills, so we don't have actual copies of our bills. Some people just don't get that.

Irate Man: Yeah, I need to register my son for school, and I need a copy of my bill.

See, this is where I'd have a hard time not pointing out to the customer that he gets a bill each and every month, surely he could have KEPT the customer portion of the bill? We keep that portion of all of our bills in our filing cabinet. I'm amazed that other people don't do the same.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kajunchick on November 17, 2008, 01:07:58 PM
Irate Man: Yeah, I need to register my son for school, and I need a copy of my bill.
See, this is where I'd have a hard time not pointing out to the customer that he gets a bill each and every month, surely he could have KEPT the customer portion of the bill? We keep that portion of all of our bills in our filing cabinet. I'm amazed that other people don't do the same.

You'd think, wouldn't you? Or he might have a rent receipt or an electric bill?  ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Shores on November 17, 2008, 01:10:08 PM
I had this whacko when I was manager of a spa/salon:

(8:00 am)
me: Hello Customer, I'm calling from BlahBlahSpa about the appointment you have scheduled with Brenda today at 4:00 pm. Unfortunately, Brenda's husband died about an hour ago and she's not going to be into work for a couple days. We're trying to fit in all of her appointments with other stylists, but the soonest I can fit you in is tomorrow morning.

Cust: well, this is just unacceptable! I need my roots touched up TODAY!

Me: Yes, ma'am, I understand and I really am very sorry. (insert promises of massive discount- I think started with 50% off and by the end was offering it free if she'd just back off). We've called in the only stylist that we had off today, but we can't get every thing in. Obviously, this is a tragedy no one expected.

Cust: Well this is just fine and dandy! Why do I have to suffer because HER husband died? You need to find me another stylist TODAY! What the *#&$ kind of business are you running?

At this point I'm in tears. One of the stylists ended up canceling a doctor's appointment for her child in order to do this customer's hair that afternoon. The worst part?


The customer was my mother. Who knew Brenda, who had known Brenda's husband.

Yeah, the witch got her hair done, but I made sure to tell her that I had never in my life been ashamed of being her daughter before, but I was that day. She claimed temporary insanity later, but to date, she's my 2nd worst customer encounter ever.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 17, 2008, 01:12:46 PM
Whoa, Shores, if my mother ever behaved that way I'd stop being Customer Service Lady and start being Enraged Daughter in a heartbeat. I'm glad she claimed temporary insanity. Poor you for having to deal with it.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Shores on November 17, 2008, 01:15:18 PM
Whoa, Shores, if my mother ever behaved that way I'd stop being Customer Service Lady and start being Enraged Daughter in a heartbeat. I'm glad she claimed temporary insanity.
I was. I told her to stay clear of the front desk when she came in because I didn't even want to see her.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 17, 2008, 01:20:03 PM
Whoa, Shores, if my mother ever behaved that way I'd stop being Customer Service Lady and start being Enraged Daughter in a heartbeat. I'm glad she claimed temporary insanity.
I was. I told her to stay clear of the front desk when she came in because I didn't even want to see her.
Retroactive ((hugs)).
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on November 17, 2008, 01:24:40 PM
As an ex-cashier, I can totally sympathize with the "can't you check in the back?" mentality. For the love of all that is Holy, people, do not wait until the day of a holiday to pick up necessary foodstuffs for said holiday. OF COURSE we don't have any more cranberries/cranberry sauce/good stuffing mix/gravy in stock, it's 10am on Thanksgiving morning! We've been out of most of that stuff for days at this point. Plan ahead, would you, please?

When I worked at Meijer (midwest Walmart-like store), I had a customer who was just agast that we were out of plastic eggs the night before Easter! I told him that we'd been out since last week.

He actually had the nerve to ask me if we would be getting another shipment in soon! Uh...not until NEXT year!

Oh...and I don't know why people think that stores like Meijer and Walmart can order things for people. They can't. They get whatever Corporate sends them on a truck. About the only ordering I know of that goes on is in the Grocery, Deli, Baker and sometimes Meat depts.

Once there was this customer who was mad at me because it was 10pm, the Meat Dept was closed and I wouldn't go cut her some ribeyes. I told her that that was not possible because I didn't know HOW to cut ribeyes! One has to be a butcher to know that! Apparently, working at a superstore means that you should be able to do whatever a patron asks! Heck, I didn't even run the registers.

GInger
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Stormtreader on November 17, 2008, 01:36:31 PM
The most frustrating one for me was at my old company.  For a little background, understand that our CEO was my boss and that the man was used to everyone catering to him.

So, the date is 9/11/01.  CEO was at a Meeting IN THE MIAMI AIRPORT Miami when the towers fell with a meeting in Atlanta the next day.

CEO:  Magiccat, I need you to find out what's going on with my flight.  This lady at the counter says all the flights are cancelled.
Me:  Sir, terrorists have attacked the United States and flown planes into buildings.  They have grounded all flights until further notice.
CEO:  Well, I have a very important meeting in Atlanta.  I need to get a flight.  See if you can find another one for me.
Me:  Sir, with all due respect...no planes are flying in the near future.
CEO:  You're not listening.  I have to be in Atlanta.  Find me a flight.
Me:  Sir, have you been watching the news?  Due to terrorists attacking our country using airplanes as their weapon, all flights have been grounded.  No one is getting on an airplane today.
CEO:  Well, that's unaccpectable.  We can't just grind to a halt, I have a business to run.
Me:  ( ::))  Sir, how about I try to get you a rental car and you can drive...it might be a challenge as I bet everyone else is renting cars too.
CEO:  You get on that!  I need to be at that meeting tomorrow!

Needless to say, he did NOT get a flight that day...he didn't even get a rental car, because they were all gone.  We ended up having one of our employees in Miami DRIVE him to Atlanta and paid her for milage.

Some things and people are just impossible.

Wow! And I thought some of these stories were bad, but this is just an example of pure, simple self-centered stupidity.

Worse than that, can you imagine being the poor woman that had to drive him all that way, no doubt with him hrummphing and whinging the *whole way*? I hope that poor woman got paid more than just for her petrol.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on November 17, 2008, 01:38:10 PM
These are great!

I briefly worked at a medical billing company. Basically doctors offices would send us the information and we would bill the patient's insurance company and then the patient. We sent out two bills and then a third one would be sent that was printed on pink paper with a big warning that the account was going to collections if a payment wasn't made. You wouldn't believe how many people only received that bright pink one. There was also apparently a rampant mail stealer all over out state that only stole those first two bills.

Anyway my favorite story is this one. We answered patients billing questions via phone all day long. A patient called and demanded to speak to someone about her account. I was the lucky one that answered this call. I pulled up her information and told her what date her visit was, how many bills had gone to her house, etc.

Patient: I do not want these bills. Please put me on your do not call list. If you continue to send me these bills I will report you to my attorney
            for harassment.
Me: Ma'am I can't do that. We are not asking you to open credit card this is about a bill for services rendered.
Patient: If you continue to harass me I will sue you for all of your money.
Then she hung up the phone.

I think I laughed for a good twenty minutes and was not at all sorry when I sent her to collections about a month later. However, in the mean time she did send us a formal looking letter asking us to cease and desist our harassment.  ::)

I keep getting a bill for $0 from the hospital where I had surgery earlier this year.  According to the included statement my two insurance policies paid the entire charge, so I don't owe anything.  I've read that bill over very carefully, and it still says $0.  The last one included lab charges, and the charge was still for $0.  Makes me wonder if I should send them a check for $0 so they'll stop wasting money on printing statements.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 17, 2008, 01:41:53 PM
You know, I'm thinking these stories would make a great category over on the main site. :D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: magiccat26 on November 17, 2008, 01:43:48 PM
Worse than that, can you imagine being the poor woman that had to drive him all that way, no doubt with him hrummphing and whinging the *whole way*? I hope that poor woman got paid more than just for her petrol.

Oh yes, she was not thrilled, but managed to be a good sport!  Our group sent her a gift card and a flower arrangement as a thank you ("supposedly" from the CEO...but it was our idea!)

When he finally got back into the office, he still couldn't figure out what the "big deal" was.   ::)  I swear there were days during my 7 years with that man that I just wanted to run him over repeatedly with the clue-dozer!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Shea on November 17, 2008, 02:07:10 PM
Quote
I have no idea what the fixation with "white" horses was. It was weird.

Perhaps she wanted to put rings on her fingers and bell on her toes and ride to Banbury Cross?

It's entirely possible. I forgot to add that this particular guest was probably somewhere between 13 and 15, so maybe she was just really immature and had read too may Pony Club books? If it had been a little child I would have just thought it was funny, but this girl was old enough to know better. But it would have been weirder if it had been an adult woman rather than a young teenager. Still, though ::).
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: smuflo on November 17, 2008, 02:15:06 PM
This is one of my favorites from a previous employer.  It requires a bit of background, so stick with me. I’m going to try and explain this is somewhat generic terms for those of you without a biology background.  Let me know if this isn’t clear  ;D

I used to do computer-based genetic analysis.  The lab used to depend on my team to help them create good, clean data for our product and research. 

When processing a new batch of tissue, the lab did something called a “pilot” in which they sequenced a small amount of the DNA from that tissue to test the results of their processing.  I then put this pilot through our computer programs to analyze how much if the information was “junk” and how much was viable and unique sequences.  We used this information in the pilot to estimate the results when we did a full-scale run of that tissue. 

So I get a phone call one day and it is Lisa, the head of our lab.  The following conversation takes place.

Lisa: Hi, so we’ve got customer X coming in today, but I’ve just realized their pilot is only just now going through sequencing.  They should be able to get you the data by 3m today, but the meeting is at 2.  How quickly can you do your analysis?
Me: The processing time is usually about 2-3 hours, so the earliest I’d have information is about 5pm.
Lisa: Well that is too late, the customers are only stopping by for a quick meeting, so they’ll be gone shortly after 3.
Me: I’m sorry, but I can’t make the computers run faster than they do.  I can drop everything and work on your data as soon as it shows up, but that is the best I can do.
Lisa:  Hmmm, well could you tell me what you think the results of this pilot will be?
Me: You want me to predict the results of the test run?
Lisa: Yes.. if I had estimates, that would make the customer happy.
Me:   I can’t predict the results because I have no idea if your processing was successful.  A pilot is a test run, used to predict the results of the full run; I can’t predict the results of a test run because I haven’t seen the data.
Lisa:  Well can’t you just give me an estimate.
Me: Explaining the concept of “test run” again.

Cycle repeated a few more times…

Me: Lisa, I’m not sure what you want me to do.  Do you want me to go down to the lab, place the dish with the samples in it up to my forehead, and then use my psychic powers to determine how many of the samples are junk DNA?  Because really, it sounds like that is what you are asking for.
Lisa: Well, ok maybe I was asking you for something impossible.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Miss Vertigo on November 17, 2008, 02:19:21 PM
I had a doozy with my ex-boss. Background: we worked on the editorial side of a big public website. Boss had an idea for a column and wanted to use a similar format to one that appeared on the website of a big national newspaper. The conversation, which dragged on for a good hour over email, went something like this.

Boss: Can you find me an example of the 'Past Notes' column from [well known national newspaper's website]? I want to take a look at the format.
Me: *quickly finds several examples of said column, emails links*
B: Ah. No, that's not it. I need the 'Past Notes' column.
M: That is the 'Past Notes' column.
B: No it isn't. 'Past Notes' was in a different format.
M *points Boss towards big 'PAST NOTES' header at the top of the screen*
B: Ah. Well maybe it wasn't called 'Past Notes' at all. Can you take another look for it?
M: Sure. Are you sure you saw it on [well known national newspaper's website] or somewhere else, perhaps?
B: Actually, I don't know.
M. Well, OK. Can you remember anything about what it may have been called?
B: No.
M: OK, what about a columnist? Can you remember who authored it?
B: No.
M: Any of the subject matter that was covered?
B: No.
M: I'll be honest boss, I'm going to struggle.
B: *pauses* They were dated. Does that help?
M: *headdesk*

The man was the editor. I sometimes wonder how he made it into work every day.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on November 17, 2008, 03:26:40 PM
Goodness, some of the behavior of people during tragedy/death is appalling. 

One of the stories reminded me of a family I used to nanny for.  We were on vacation when a hurricane changed course and was going to graze the area we were visiting.  It was barely a Category 1 so there was no mandatory evacuation.  We were going to be fine, the house we were renting had storm shutters and we weren't in any real danger.  So the Dad decided the best course of action was to hunker down and sit tight.  The mom had other ideas.  She spent the whole night on the phone with various charters screaming at the poor soul who picked up the phone that she wanted a plane and she wanted a plane NOW.  At this point, the storm had already kicked up the wind and it was raining pretty hard.  Of course, due to the storm, no pilot was going to fly unless it was a life or death situation (and it so wasn't).  I felt really bad for the poor people on the other end of THAT phone call. 


And in honor of this thread...courtesy of Notalwaysright.com

Heaven Sent Deliveries, Moses Speaking
CALL CENTER | OHIO, USA

Caller:  ”My furniture is scheduled for delivery today and I have a big problem: it’s going to snow!”
Me: “Okay, we can reschedule you for–”
Caller: “No, I need it delivered today!”
Me: “What would you like me to do?”
Caller: “I want you to make it not snow!”
Me: “… Excuse me?”
Caller: “I want you to make it not snow during my delivery!”
Me: “Ma’am, I can’t control the weather.”
Caller: “WHY NOT?!”
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: magiccat26 on November 17, 2008, 03:30:51 PM
She spent the whole night on the phone with various charters screaming at the poor soul who picked up the phone that she wanted a plane and she wanted a plane NOW.  At this point, the storm had already kicked up the wind and it was raining pretty hard.  Of course, due to the storm, no pilot was going to fly unless it was a life or death situation (and it so wasn't).  I felt really bad for the poor people on the other end of THAT phone call. 

This reminds me of that scene from "The Devil Wears Prada"  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 17, 2008, 03:42:48 PM
I've told this story before, but it's a 9/11 story and seemed semi appropriate for here.

Happened to a friend of mine who was staffing the reference desk at her library branch.

The phone rings on 9/12 and Crazy Woman starts in.

Crazy: My television doesn't work!
Friend: I'm sorry?
Crazy: My television stopped working yesterday morning!  I used to get (lists channels) and now I can only get one.  Why is my television not working?
Friend: Um, Ma'am, this is the library...
Crazy: My television set isn't working.
Friend: Do you have cable?
Crazy: No.  I have antenna on the roof.
Friend (takes deep breath): Okay, ma'am.  You know that two planes crashed into the World Trade Center yesterday and destroyed them, right?
Crazy: What does that have to do with my television?
Friend: Ma'am, there was a very powerful signal coming from the towers that transmitted television to antennas.
Crazy: When will they have it back up?
Friend: I don't know if they ever will, Ma'am.  The towers fell.  People are dead.
Crazy: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH MY PROGRAMS?
Friend: Ma'am, I am sure that the families of the approximately 3000 people who died would be happy to trade problems. *click*
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Josiepug on November 17, 2008, 03:48:37 PM
And in honor of this thread...courtesy of Notalwaysright.com

Heaven Sent Deliveries, Moses Speaking
CALL CENTER | OHIO, USA

Caller:  ”My furniture is scheduled for delivery today and I have a big problem: it’s going to snow!”
Me: “Okay, we can reschedule you for–”
Caller: “No, I need it delivered today!”
Me: “What would you like me to do?”
Caller: “I want you to make it not snow!”
Me: “… Excuse me?”
Caller: “I want you to make it not snow during my delivery!”
Me: “Ma’am, I can’t control the weather.”
Caller: “WHY NOT?!”


This reminds me of my mother trying to cancel some kind of repair insurance after my grandfather died. This was in the early 90s so my mind is a little fuzzy on what kind of policy it was.

Mom: I need to cancel the insurance policy for Josiepug's Grandfather. He recently passed away.
Insurance Agent: I need to speak with the owner of the policy before I can do anything.
Mom: Um - he died last month. I can send you a copy of the death certificate if that will help.
Insurance Agent sounding disgruntled: I need to speak with Mr. Josiepug's Grandfather. I can not cancel this policy without his direct consent.
Mom: What part of he is dead are you not getting????
Insurance Agent: I must insist on speaking with the customer directly.
Mom: If you can find a way to call Heaven please let me know. I would really like to speak to my father as well.
She then slammed down the phone.

We still giggle about that conversation to this day. I think she eventually called back and got someone else. Not sure if she had words with a supervisor or not. My Grandfather died suddenly and it really upset my mother and she had to be put on seditives. We've got several stories of her dealings with the funeral home and various other organizations while on those drugs. It's almost been 20 years but my mother gave us enough stories for another 20 during those weeks.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: djinnidjream on November 17, 2008, 04:00:47 PM


Yeah, the witch got her hair done, but I made sure to tell her that I had never in my life been ashamed of being her daughter before, but I was that day. She claimed temporary insanity later, but to date, she's my 2nd worst customer encounter ever.

So what was the first worst?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Shores on November 17, 2008, 04:10:37 PM


Yeah, the witch got her hair done, but I made sure to tell her that I had never in my life been ashamed of being her daughter before, but I was that day. She claimed temporary insanity later, but to date, she's my 2nd worst customer encounter ever.

So what was the first worst?
well. That one didn't fit in this category, but that would be the man who called when i worked tech support and threatened to kill our tech guys if they came on his property.. . But still wanted his tv fixed. Lol, i guess he DOES fit. But that guy was actually frightening. We ended up calling the cops on him.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on November 17, 2008, 04:12:01 PM
Josiepug, it sounds to me as though your mom ran into someone with a script who was not, by jiggies, going to deviate from that script no matter how much real life might interfere.  My dad ran into someone like that when he called my mother's only credit card to let them know that she had passed away.  He asked for a supervisor, and the supervisor told him he'd need to send a certified copy of her death certificate to them and then they'd cancel the credit card.  Fortunately, the hospice people had told my dad to get a bunch of certified copies of my mom's death certificate, and he'd done so.  He told me he'd gotten something like 25 certified copies, and ended up having to use them all.  
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: camlan on November 17, 2008, 04:17:17 PM
I remembered another one, from one of my very first jobs. It was at a theater ticket clubwhere you bought a membership and then you could order tickets for any show at the live theaters in town. One year, Katherine Hepburn came to town in the play, West Side Waltz. This was a big deal.  It was easily going to be a sell out. Before tickets went on sale to the public, the theater's own subscription seats would be sold, as well as the tickets for our club members.

We were swamped with orders. Inundated. Mailbags full of requests. And we got a lot of new members because word got out that we had tickets. We had to do a lot of phone calling for West Side Waltz, because we had seats, but not the seats people wanted. They wanted orchestra, we had mezzanine. They wanted 9 seats, we couldn't 9 seats together, but we could get a group of 4 and a group of 5. Most people were pretty happy that they could get tickets at all and if we could make a reasonable arrangement for them, they were satisfied.

But not one woman. She wanted a large number of center seats within 10 rows of the stage. Now, for every single show, the management had held out most of those seats. We had a very, very limited number of seats in the range she wanted, and most were isolated pairs of seats or even single seats. Oh, and she placed her order late, so that when it came in, most of the tickets had already been assigned. So, before I called her, I checked ticket availability for every performance and made a list of alternatives to offer her.

She was upset when I told her that getting 12 tickets together was simply impossible. I managed to calm her down from that, and started offering her dates and various seating arrangements. None of which had all 12 seats in the first 10 rows. She turned them all down. "I never sit further back than the 10th row. It's absurd to even offer those seats." She was miffed and offended and very, very snooty. She accused me of having seats and withholding them from her (we bought those tickets--any that we didn't sell were a dead loss, so sure, I was holding back tickets). We went around and around and and she yelled and she stamped her foot and swore at me. Finally she demanded a refund of her money. Since we hadn't even cashed her check, I offered to send that back to her (normally, we wouldn't have done this, but we knew we could sell those seats). Her final words were along the lines of "I'm sure I can do better at the box office. I don't see why your club exists." I had to bite my tongue not to tell her, "Look, lady, I can get you into the theater. For this particular show, that's about the best anyone is going to be able to do."

Tickets went on sale at the box office to the general public a week later. There were no orchestra seats available for any performance--I heard this from the box office manager himself. There were limited mezzanine seats and some balcony seats.

A few days after the box office opened, one of my co-workers answered the phone. And then waved me over. It was the same lady, now asking for the 12 seats she had been promised (her word) for the performance on the 27th. The rest of the staff knew the story and we listened as Tom politely informed her that those seats had been sold and her money refunded. If she would like some of the remaining few tickets we had, she would need to send in another check and we could see what could be done. You could hear her sputtering on the other end of the phone. In the end, I think we were able to find her 12 seats for one performance, but they were scattered all over the theater. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Josiepug on November 17, 2008, 04:35:33 PM
But not one woman. She wanted a large number of center seats within 10 rows of the stage. Now, for every single show, the management had held out most of those seats. We had a very, very limited number of seats in the range she wanted, and most were isolated pairs of seats or even single seats. Oh, and she placed her order late, so that when it came in, most of the tickets had already been assigned. So, before I called her, I checked ticket availability for every performance and made a list of alternatives to offer her.


I think we ran into this woman's son recently. I work at a concert arena. We put all available seats for sell, but the show's producers often hold some seats for media, company bigwigs, families of the performers, etc. Sometimes as the show date gets closer the producers will realize they don't need all of those seats and will release some of them to the public for sale. We have no control over this and never know when or if the producers are going to release seats. Anyway this very scenario happened with a recent show.

A fan had purchased tickets when they went on-sale. He got good seats. However, the show released a few really good seats right before the show. The fan figured this out and sent us a long email telling us we were going to go to Hell and that we had ruined his anniversary and that we were going to rot in Hell forever and ever. He ended his tirade with about 50 lines of "expletive" you. I'm sure he would not be happy that this little gem was promptly sent around the office and we all got a good giggle out of his overreaction.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on November 17, 2008, 04:37:00 PM
She spent the whole night on the phone with various charters screaming at the poor soul who picked up the phone that she wanted a plane and she wanted a plane NOW.  At this point, the storm had already kicked up the wind and it was raining pretty hard.  Of course, due to the storm, no pilot was going to fly unless it was a life or death situation (and it so wasn't).  I felt really bad for the poor people on the other end of THAT phone call. 

This reminds me of that scene from "The Devil Wears Prada"  ;D

LOL, I almost fell down when I saw that.  But I didn't work for the person that movie was allegedly supposed to be about.   Just a suburban housewife with an entitlement complex.  ;)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: nutraxfornerves on November 17, 2008, 04:38:53 PM
A classic from the history of computing. Charles Babbage was a 19th Century British mathematician who developed the first concept for a programmable computer. He wrote
Quote
On two occasions I have been asked, — " Pray, Mr. Babbage," if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out ?" In one case a member of the Upper, and in the other a member of the Lower, House [of Parliament] put this question.  I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: thebeckster on November 17, 2008, 05:12:19 PM
Oh, I just remembered another one.

I worked in a bank branch that was in a downtown office building, and the building lost power. Someone got the number for the branch, called us and wanted someone to go to the lawyers office to let them know they wouldn't be in for their appointment. The lawyer with the office on the 11th floor. That's right, just hike up those 11 floors for me to let them know I won't be in.

I explained to her this wouldn't be possible, as we had other things to do than take messages for everyone in the building, let alone hiking up 11 floors, and she said "What am I supposed to dooooooo? They won't answer their phones." I told her, maybe they aren't answering because they also have no power and the phones aren't ringing, she said "But YOUR phone rang. Can't you take a message?" Again I told her no, and when she started arguing with me, I told her I would transfer her to the department in charge of the building. I then transferred her to the security guard who sat inside the building door and played video games all day.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Shea on November 17, 2008, 05:13:02 PM
She spent the whole night on the phone with various charters screaming at the poor soul who picked up the phone that she wanted a plane and she wanted a plane NOW.  At this point, the storm had already kicked up the wind and it was raining pretty hard.  Of course, due to the storm, no pilot was going to fly unless it was a life or death situation (and it so wasn't).  I felt really bad for the poor people on the other end of THAT phone call. 

This reminds me of that scene from "The Devil Wears Prada"  ;D

LOL. "It's just, I don't know, drizzling!" ::lightning, thunder BOOM, entire palm tree goes flying past the window:: :D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Shoo on November 17, 2008, 05:25:06 PM
Whoa, Shores, if my mother ever behaved that way I'd stop being Customer Service Lady and start being Enraged Daughter in a heartbeat. I'm glad she claimed temporary insanity.
I was. I told her to stay clear of the front desk when she came in because I didn't even want to see her.

Okay, wait.  This was your mother and you didn't just tell her she couldn't come in PERIOD and hang up on her?  Because that's what I would have done.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: supotco on November 17, 2008, 05:51:00 PM

Well, I have plenty of clients who don't seem to realise that I do not write the tax laws, and that breaking them is illegal and not something I am willing to do, since I have no intention of spending time in jail and/or being thrown out of my professional association.

However, this particular person was a tourist. For background, the building I work in was built sometime in the 17th century and was once a coaching inn. I live in England, in Historic University City, and therefore it is not uncommon that buildings that old are in use as homes, university buildings, offices. I appreciate that where TouristWoman (hence TW) came from there may be no buildings of such an age and if there are, they are museums. However, my listed building is an accounting firm.

So, I am surprised at the staff entrance with my security tag by Tourist Woman

TW; 'Hi, can I come in?'
Me: 'Who are you here to see?'
TW: 'Oh, I just want to have a look around'
Me: 'Sorry, that's not possible'
TW: 'But whyyyyyyy?'
Me: 'Erm, this is an accounting firm'
TW: 'Oh but I want to see the inside'
Me: 'Sorry, that's impossible. It's an accounting firm, and this is the middle of the working day. We cannot just let people wander around'
TW: 'Oh don't be so mean, it can't be an office, it's too old'
Me: 'No I assure you it is, look at the nameplate on the gate. I cannot let you in'
TW: 'Ur so meeeeeeen' (or words to that effect). 'I'm going to tell the tourist office!'
Me: 'Splendid. Please do.'



Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: cluebyfour on November 17, 2008, 06:06:13 PM
When I was in college I worked the lingerie department.  A woman asked me for a specific type of bra.  The ensuing exchange:

Me: Sorry, ma'am, that style has been discontinued.  Can I show you something similar?
W: Do you have any in the back?
Me: No, we've been all sold out for several months now.
W: Can you call another store?
Me: Unfortunately, no one carries that style anymore.  It's been discontinued by the manufacturer. 
W: I just need one.
Me: (shows her an almost identical style) This is the closest thing we have...
W: Can you call another store that hasn't discontinued it?
Me: The manufacturer discontinued it.
W: (blank stare)
Me: They don't make them anymore.  They're no longer available.
W: So you don't have any?
Me: Sorry, no.
W: I'll just try another store. (walks off in a huff.)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sycorax on November 17, 2008, 06:11:01 PM
Oh yes, Supotco,

I known this situation!
TW: 'Oh don't be so mean, it can't be an office, it's too old'
If I'd get one Euro every time someone marches in our yard and demands to have a tour through our house, I could afford real big signs on every corner of our property, saying: "No, that's not a 'castle' you can visit, but the house we live in! And no, the fact that you're paying taxes doesn't give you the right to go in because we don't get tax money for keeping this house up."

Just this morning I was dealing with an older couple who insisted on having a tour because "it's not fair to keep such an old house for yourself". Fact is that this house was built by my husband's great-grandfather and that he works hard for keeping it in shape.

Sycorax
"And yes, we have signs saying 'private property', but obviously the idea of that is hard to get for a lot of people ..."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Suze on November 17, 2008, 06:16:45 PM
you could put up a sign that you give tours every Feb 31 from 12 to noon

>ducking<
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 17, 2008, 06:30:59 PM
Oh, the castle stories!

I used to work in the shop in Cinderella Castle in the Magic Kingdom. Probably at least once a week I'd get an exchange like this:

Tourist: How do we get up into the castle? (Note: at this point it's a rational question.)
Me: Well, there's King Stefan's banquet hall on the second floor, you can make reservations with the maiden right over there.
Tourist: No, we want to see the inside of the castle! (Still relatively reasonable, I think.)
Me: That's pretty much all there is. The entire building is occupied by this shop, the restaurant and the mosaics in the breezeway (which are stunning, and which nobody ever looks at.)

Most tourists would take my word for it. But a few would get very insistent, like I was holding out on them. I hated to tell them, but there were a few rooms higher in the castle ... but nothing in them but dead roaches, cigarette butts and other debris.

Since then they've renovated those rooms into one luxury suite that is awarded each night by lottery, but before that we had some very angry guests, including many who were positive Walt Disney himself was on ice up there.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: high dudgeon on November 17, 2008, 06:54:42 PM
I used to work at Panera, back in the days when their paninis came pre-made and were cold until they got slapped on the sandwich-press (I don't think they do them this way anymore). 

That's funny. I was at a Panera not too long ago and I asked if I could substitute the type of cheese on the panini. They said they could, but it would take 45 minutes because the panini mix came pre-made and it would take them that long to make one from scratch. I coped with having the original cheese. But it was thoughtful of them to offer!

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Calypso on November 17, 2008, 07:29:57 PM
Well, I hope you'll give a pass to my parents who, 40 years ago on their first trip to Europe, stopped the car outside the gates of what they considered to be the most beautiful building they'd seen so far during their trip to Ireland. Although they wanted to tour it, they did leave, without protest, when a groundskeeper explained to them that, sorry, the mental asylum was NOT open for tours.... ;) 8)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on November 17, 2008, 07:40:33 PM
This one is similar to Smuflo's post about her supervisor wanting test results before the test had finished running.  

Mr. Sirius was a lab technician in the Air Force, and he told me about a demanding doctor who came to the lab and ordered Test X.  

Mr. Sirius:  "The results for Test X will be ready in 24 hours."

DD: "I want the results in an hour!"

Mr. Sirius:  "According to the test protocol, the test takes 24 hours to percolate until we get a result.  I'll call you and let you know the results when they're available."  (Or words to that effect.)

DD:  "I don't think you understand me.  I want the test results in an hour."

Mr. Sirius:  "The test results won't be ready for another 24 hours.  I'll let you know the results when they're ready.

DD:  "I want to talk to your supervisor."

Mr. Sirius summoned his supervisor, Cool Colonel, who told Demanding Doctor, "The results of Test X will be ready in 24 hours, as per the test protocol."  Since Cool Colonel outranked Demanding Doctor by a considerable amount Demanding Doctor actually did a smart thing and shut his face at that point.    
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: LeeLee88 on November 17, 2008, 07:44:01 PM
Oh yes, Supotco,

I known this situation!
TW: 'Oh don't be so mean, it can't be an office, it's too old'
If I'd get one Euro every time someone marches in our yard and demands to have a tour through our house, I could afford real big signs on every corner of our property, saying: "No, that's not a 'castle' you can visit, but the house we live in! And no, the fact that you're paying taxes doesn't give you the right to go in because we don't get tax money for keeping this house up."

Just this morning I was dealing with an older couple who insisted on having a tour because "it's not fair to keep such an old house for yourself". Fact is that this house was built by my husband's great-grandfather and that he works hard for keeping it in shape.

Sycorax
"And yes, we have signs saying 'private property', but obviously the idea of that is hard to get for a lot of people ..."

Sycorax, oh my goodness, thank you!  I was just telling my husband about the same problems my parents have with this!  I am so very sorry it's happened to you too, ugh  :-\.  My parents own a small business that is run "out of their home", not the house, but on the same property.  My mother is an herbalist, and so has lovely gardens planted everywhere on the property.  These gardens, and our livestock, prove to be too much for customers (and even just random strangers :o) and they proceed to "tour" the property, *take* plants, and let themselves into the pastures!!!  I was recently watching my parents' shop when a woman and her 2 small children stopped by, and before long, I noticed one child was missing.  I was walking the woman to her car (carrying her heavy merchandise) when I saw her child chasing my sheep in the pasture.  Now, I love my animals, and they may be just livestock, but to me they aren't just "animals", and I'm sure there are many who understand this.  I immediately jump the fence into the pasture to grab the child out because 1) No one wants to be trampled by sheep, that's a lame death, and 2) He was in the process of grabbing at the sheeps' tails, so of course, something must be done, or that kid would be going home in casts.  The boy's mother looks on, doing nothing, and when I get back, asks me if I'll let her charming precious pet my geese (?!?!).  I growl out "no", and explain to her the dangers of "running with sheep" as she gives me the most dim expression possible.  She finally says, "fine, whatever", and leaves.  I told my parents, and they were shocked, to say the least.

We've also had people take "tours" of our home, for exactly the same reason that elderly couple gave you, Sycorax.  My parents have completely refinished their homestead to what it would have looked like over 200 years ago, and while we are proud of it, it is not open for tourism, it's a *home*.  One evening, we had a "customer" decide he wasn't going to go into the shop, because it was closed, so he'd just wander into the house and see if anyone was home who'd open up the entire shop just for him so he could browse.  I was about 15, and I was upstairs when I hear a bumping sound, and come downstairs to find this man all the way in my dining room, looking around!  I was shocked, but my temper flared up right quick, and before you know it, I'm yelling at the man (I'd no idea he was a customer, I only knew he was some guy in my house, and I was home alone) to get out, that I'm calling the police, what have you.  I didn't call the police, because my parents came home very quickly after I forced him out, and he actually had the nerve to complain to them about me.  I'm my parents' only daughter, I was home alone, the man illegally entered my home, did he really think he was going to win the argument?  

Oh Sycorax, I honestly am so happy someone else understands.  Some people just don't understand that a business run from home is still a) a business and b) a home!  Just astounding.  
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: hot_shaker on November 17, 2008, 07:51:20 PM
1) No one wants to be trampled by sheep, that's a lame death

This made me giggle.  :D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: GotSquatch on November 17, 2008, 08:11:15 PM
Airline Employee, working baggage claim about 1 year after fatal crash (important later).  I had recieved word that one of our flights was coming in without about 20 bags due to the aicraft being bulked out.  The agents in previous city sent a list of whose bags were delayed and what flight they were on.
I paged every passenger when the flight arrived and gave them the option of delivery or pick up.  Small town so most wanted to just pick up and get a mileage certificate.  Those that wanted delivery were set up.

One guy was agitated beyond beliefe that he would have to wait 2 hours untill his dirty laundry arrived.  I set his up to be delivered first and sure enough it was.  However, he failed to tell me that he was in a basement apartment and you had to walk around the house to get to it.  How was I supposed to figure that out?  Cabbie delivered to his landlords who assumed he was asleep and would take it to him in the morning.  Mean while, he was on the phone with me cussing me out and screaming what a (very bad word) idiot I was and no wonder my airline killed so many people.

At that point I had had it.  I said you are out of line, how dare you compare luggage to human lives, you are not to contact us again at this number, all communications must go through our corporate office and I hung up on him.  I was pale and shaking but my co-workers were awsome.  My supervisor backed me up 100%. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: TaylorMade on November 17, 2008, 08:32:12 PM
1) No one wants to be trampled by sheep, that's a lame death

This made me giggle.  :D

Me too :)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kareng57 on November 17, 2008, 08:57:27 PM
There was the guy who wanted a birthday cake for his kid. No problem, I told him it'd be ready in about half an hour or so after I took his order. He just could not accept this. I told him that we needed to bake the cake first. He told me his kid's party was in five minutes and he needed it NOW. (Honestly, what part of "we need to bake it first" is so hard to understand? We can't just sell you a raw lump of dough. Also: if the cake was that important, why didn't you make sure you had it ahead of time?)

Then there was the guy who wanted a "Spongebob" cake and refused to believe that we didn't have the license for the character. If we had a Spongebob cake, we'd gladly sell you one, but we don't, so we can't.

Anyone else notice that a common trend when you tell someone you can't do something is that they will reply "Fine then, I'll just go somewhere else" after arguing with you over whether or not you have the thing they want.


Certainly he shouldn't have waited so long, no argument there.  However, in my experience most supermarket bakeries (as opposed to mom-and-pop bakeries) do have a few slab-cakes available that can be quickly piped with icing for the birthday boy/girl's name.  You sure don't get a lot of choice - in other words, an 8 year old boy could get a cake with brown icing and pink roses - but it can be done.  Maybe he was assuming that your bakery would be able to do this?

I'll definitely agree with you that many folks just don't understand about copyright, and that even if someone at the bakery could copy a beautiful Sponge-Bob picture with cake-icing - you'd be guilty of copyright-infringement, and whoever owns the Sponge-Bob logo could come after you and fine you big-time.  These are the same people who can't understand why a SpiderMan cake costs a lot more than the generic race-car-track cake.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MadMadge43 on November 17, 2008, 09:07:05 PM
Quote
I used to work for Colonel Sanders in a store in Canada.  We did not sell mashed potatoes.

Customer interactions generally went one of two ways:

#1
Customer:  I'd like blah, blah, a large mashed potatoes...
Me:  I'm sorry, we don't sell mashed potatoes here.
C:  You don't sell mashed potatoes?
M:  No.
C:  No mashed potatoes at all?
M:  No.
C:  You really don't have any mashed potatoes?
Repeat ad nauseum

#2
Customer:  I'd like blah, blah, a large mashed potatoes...
Me:  I'm sorry, we don't sell mashed potatoes here.
C:  Why don't you have any mashed potatoes?
M:  I guess they don't sell well here, so we don't have them.
C:  Well, what am I supposed to do now?  I expected you would have mashed potatoes!
M:  We have fries, coleslaw, macaroni salad, and potato salad for sides.
C:  I wanted mashed potatoes!
M:  I'm sorry, we don't have them here.
C:  I can't believe you don't have mashed potatoes!

I never actually said this to a customer, but evilmuse often lobbied for me to respond with:  "Well, I suppose I could smush up some french fries for you..."


Yarnspinner, I personally apologize. but the cognitive dissonence the Canadian KFC caused me on that cold, wet, hungover day (being from AZ, I wasn't prepared for that weather) and the long travel hours I spent that day almost made my head explode. The craving for KFC mashed potatoes had started hours before we finally found one. To be denied was just too much to bear.

(Thankfully, my lady was very nice because I was in a really tiny town that doesn't get many Americans and she sympathized with me. Actually it was the first time she had ever heard that US KFC's even had mashed potatoes) I can say I wasn't mean, but a tear did fall.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MadMadge43 on November 17, 2008, 09:28:56 PM
Quote
Oh, the castle stories!

I used to work in the shop in Cinderella Castle in the Magic Kingdom. Probably at least once a week I'd get an exchange like this:

Tourist: How do we get up into the castle? (Note: at this point it's a rational question.)
Me: Well, there's King Stefan's banquet hall on the second floor, you can make reservations with the maiden right over there.
Tourist: No, we want to see the inside of the castle! (Still relatively reasonable, I think.)
Me: That's pretty much all there is. The entire building is occupied by this shop, the restaurant and the mosaics in the breezeway (which are stunning, and which nobody ever looks at.)

Most tourists would take my word for it. But a few would get very insistent, like I was holding out on them. I hated to tell them, but there were a few rooms higher in the castle ... but nothing in them but dead roaches, cigarette butts and other debris.

Since then they've renovated those rooms into one luxury suite that is awarded each night by lottery, but before that we had some very angry guests, including many who were positive Walt Disney himself was on ice up there.

OT- But I've heard they've actually converted those dingy rooms into princess bedrooms and you can pay so you and your little princess can spend the night in the castle. It's pretty pricey though, but grandparents are willing to fork it over.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Nightboomfer on November 17, 2008, 09:40:15 PM
Since then they've renovated those rooms into one luxury suite that is awarded each night by lottery, but before that we had some very angry guests, including many who were positive Walt Disney himself was on ice up there.

Pffft. EVERYONE knows the legend says his corpse is preserved on Matterhorn Mountain...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: AmberBamber on November 17, 2008, 09:47:11 PM
I have had the CEO of a Fortune 500 company call me and ask if there's any way they could get more hotel rooms for their meeting.

They were already taking up every single room we had. I replied, only if we build more and with three weeks notice I'm not sure the plumbing will be put in at that point.

Thankfully, the man was smart and realized his meeting planner wasn't lying to him. (But I can't blame the guy for trying, if I had had anything I would have done it for him).

But the worst I had, a couple wanted to book our rooftop for a party. That's fine, but the banquet hall has to be availabe. We couldn't rent out both in case of rain. Of course it wasn't that day. And I explained the policy and the reasoning. It was monsoon season he wanted to book it for by the way.

"But you can promise me it won't rain right".

20 Minutes later before I finally said:

"I'm sorry, but you're giving me way too much credit".





Just had to say, Laughed my butt off at this! It has me smiling so big! Loved it!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: HonorH on November 17, 2008, 09:50:01 PM
From my Banes & Ignoble days again:

(Scene: I'm babysitting the Info Desk of Doom.  A customer approaches.  She's a girl in her mid-teens, possibly a sophomore or junior in high school.)

Me: What can I do for you?
She: Where's the nonfiction section?

(At this point, I give an inward groan.  This is a bad question to ask in a bookstore.  Basically, we have one fiction section.  Everything else is technically nonfiction.  In a store like B&I, that's a lot of books.)

Me: Can you be more specific?
She: Just . . . the nonfiction section.
Me: (trying a different tack) The fiction section is over there.  The rest of the store is nonfiction.  What kind of nonfiction are you looking for?
She: Nonfiction, um, stories?  I have to do a book report.
Me: (getting a headache) Okay, over there we have nonfiction science and nature stories.  Over there, we have nonfiction animal stories.  Nonfiction sports stories are next to the children's section, true crime is over yonder, biographies are right across the way, marginally fictional memoirs are next to them, and over here, we have inspirational, happy-making nonfiction stories.  Any of that sound good to you?
She: Where's just nonfiction?
Me: (starts searching for something solid to hit head on)

I have my own post-9/11 story, too.  On 9/13, a guy came in wanting a copy of the previous day's New York Times.

Me: I'm sorry, we don't have any.
He: Well, why not?
Me: Because they're shipped up airmail and all flights are grounded.
He: (realizing, to his credit, that he'd asked rather a silly question) . . . oh, right.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kareng57 on November 17, 2008, 10:01:14 PM
From my Banes & Ignoble days again:

(Scene: I'm babysitting the Info Desk of Doom.  A customer approaches.  She's a girl in her mid-teens, possibly a sophomore or junior in high school.)

Me: What can I do for you?
She: Where's the nonfiction section?

(At this point, I give an inward groan.  This is a bad question to ask in a bookstore.  Basically, we have one fiction section.  Everything else is technically nonfiction.  In a store like B&I, that's a lot of books.)

Me: Can you be more specific?
She: Just . . . the nonfiction section.
Me: (trying a different tack) The fiction section is over there.  The rest of the store is nonfiction.  What kind of nonfiction are you looking for?
She: Nonfiction, um, stories?  I have to do a book report.
Me: (getting a headache) Okay, over there we have nonfiction science and nature stories.  Over there, we have nonfiction animal stories.  Nonfiction sports stories are next to the children's section, true crime is over yonder, biographies are right across the way, marginally fictional memoirs are next to them, and over here, we have inspirational, happy-making nonfiction stories.  Any of that sound good to you?
She: Where's just nonfiction?
Me: (starts searching for something solid to hit head on)

I have my own post-9/11 story, too.  On 9/13, a guy came in wanting a copy of the previous day's New York Times.

Me: I'm sorry, we don't have any.
He: Well, why not?
Me: Because they're shipped up airmail and all flights are grounded.
He: (realizing, to his credit, that he'd asked rather a silly question) . . . oh, right.


At least he realized that he asked a silly question.  So many other customers do, but then try to escalate it, to cover themselves.

Re silly questions - apparently our gracious HM Elizabeth did this about thirty years ago.  She was touring a modern dairy facility, and asked a tour-guide about an interesting plastic contraption that she saw.  Answer:  "it is a vagina, Ma'am".  HM:  "well, ask a silly question!"
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Mel on November 17, 2008, 10:12:19 PM


I have my own post-9/11 story, too.  On 9/13, a guy came in wanting a copy of the previous day's New York Times.

Me: I'm sorry, we don't have any.
He: Well, why not?
Me: Because they're shipped up airmail and all flights are grounded.
He: (realizing, to his credit, that he'd asked rather a silly question) . . . oh, right.

At least he didn't insist, eh?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: K_Bear on November 17, 2008, 10:12:47 PM
From my Banes & Ignoble days again:

(Scene: I'm babysitting the Info Desk of Doom.  A customer approaches.  She's a girl in her mid-teens, possibly a sophomore or junior in high school.)

Me: What can I do for you?
She: Where's the nonfiction section?

(At this point, I give an inward groan.  This is a bad question to ask in a bookstore.  Basically, we have one fiction section.  Everything else is technically nonfiction.  In a store like B&I, that's a lot of books.)

Me: Can you be more specific?
She: Just . . . the nonfiction section.
Me: (trying a different tack) The fiction section is over there.  The rest of the store is nonfiction.  What kind of nonfiction are you looking for?
She: Nonfiction, um, stories?  I have to do a book report.
Me: (getting a headache) Okay, over there we have nonfiction science and nature stories.  Over there, we have nonfiction animal stories.  Nonfiction sports stories are next to the children's section, true crime is over yonder, biographies are right across the way, marginally fictional memoirs are next to them, and over here, we have inspirational, happy-making nonfiction stories.  Any of that sound good to you?
She: Where's just nonfiction?
Me: (starts searching for something solid to hit head on)

I used to work at the "other" B Book store...it didn't take me long working there to figure out that when customers asked for "the non-fiction section" they actually had gotten the terms fiction and non-fiction confused.  Trying to politely point out their mistake was always interesting.  (Well lets see, sir/ma'am, the whole store, except the Lit/Fiction and genres is non-fiction. Have at!!  ;) Not the polite answer, but what goes through a bookseller's head when asked that question.)

I have spent a few years trying to forget all the strange demands requests that I got working at B Books...if any come back to me in a nightmare, I will add them to this thread.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Animala on November 17, 2008, 10:28:23 PM
Warning: I'm typing rather medicated tonight, so hopefully everything will make sense.

I used to (several years ago) work for a huge international company in their banking division which had private label credit cards.  (Private label means a store card serviced by a bank.)  I worked at an inbound call center for a particular clothing portfolio two of the three were brand new, never had private label cards before.  (Inbound- I was the person your reached after getting through the stupid prompts.)  This was before online banking was big.

We had a few variations on impossible calls.

One of the stores in the portfolio was targeted primarily at youth.  Unfortunately this meant that often times 18 or 19 yos would open up credit cards and would have no idea what they were doing.  This phone call happened multiple times a day.

Me: (Greeting) [screen pops up tells me I have an 18yo with a male name account]
Woman: I need to talk to someone about this bill
Me: Yes ma'am.  I need to speak with [insert male name here]
Woman: I am his mother.  I will be handling this.
Me: I'm sorry ma'am I can't discuss this account with you.  If [son] would like you to be able to have us discuss his account with you he will need to mail/fax a written letter with [info] and then we will be able to help you.
Woman: That is unacceptable, I need to speak to someone immediately.  No one should give a child a credit card.  
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, but at 18 he can sign a contract and he is responsible for it.
[repeat several times]
They would either get mad and hang up (which BTW can really hurt if you slam it) or it would get escalated to a specialist, who usually caved.  Grrrr

Me: (My usual spiel for a store)
Clerk: I have a customer here who wants to pay his bill.
Me: Well he will need to mail that to us.
Clerk:  I know but he wants to pay it here.  Let me have you talk to him.
Me: (ARGH) Hello sir, can I get your account information?  (I had to do this for every call or I would get in trouble.)
Customer: (Gives info and verifies.)
Me: I'm sorry to inform you that at this time the stores can not take payments yet.
Customer: (Who is naturally upset) Well I want to make a payment here
Me:  I'm sorry but we don't have a system in place to do that yet.  However you can mail payment in.
Two things would happen at this point either the customer understood and was reasonable, in which I would queue the account for follow up and remove any late fees once the payment posted or they would go postal.  If they went postal they would make all kinds of demands about me coming down and getting their payments.  Then I'd note the account so when they called back everyone could see what a jerk they'd been.

Or this little gem, which happened a few times a week:
Me: (greeting and verification)
Customer (generally very young): I don't understand why I have a bill
Me: Well (explains how a credit card works *headdesk*)
Customer: But I didn't sign up for a credit card.  I signed up for a discount card.
Me: OK, did you pay for the clothes when you bought them?  (On rare occasions someone would pay for the clothes and have gotten charged too since this particular system was new to the store.  They would have to send us proof of alternate payment and research would fix it.)
Customer: No that's why I got a discount card, so I would get clothes for free.
Me: (Explains again how a credit card works.)
Customer: Well I don't want to pay for this
Me: (Explains the consequences of not paying a credit card.)
Customer: OK well I'm just not going to pay.
I died a little each time I took one of these calls.

Here is a fun one and it didn't matter which portfolio I worked in and would happen several times a day-
Me: (Greeting & Verification)
Customer: [yelling] Why do I have a late fee on my account!
Me: Let me look at this for you......Yes sir I see that you had a payment due on the 3rd of the month, but we didn't receive payment until the 17th.
Customer: [still yelling] Well that's not my problem.  I paid on the account.  Take this off immediately.
Me: Certainly sir, let me look at the account to see if I can do that for you.  (Each of the portfolios had different rules, but generally customers could get it waived about once every six months.  Sometimes we were allowed to do it for special circumstances.)
Me: Sir, I see you have been late every month for the last X months and that we have already waived two this year.  Unfortunatly that means I can't waive this fee for you.
Customer: (Generally would either scream and curse or argue more)
Me (rinse later repeat)

OK one more-  as a private label card we had an interest rate tied the (a word I can't remember at the moment) generally 12% above that figure.  The people who answered the phone couldn't touch the interest rate.  We could adjust it once it hit the account in extreme situations, but we didn't even have a screen to change the APR. I guess most people understood that because these calls were fairly rare, but potentially explosive.

Me- (all the normal junk)
Customer: I see I accrued interest at a rate of XX% last month (They rarely said that, but it is what they meant.) I think that is too high.  I want you to lower it.
Me: (Explains how interest works.) I'm sorry sir, but I can't change that for you.
Customer: Well that's not good enough I want you to fix it immediately.
Me: Again I'm sorry sir, but I can't change it.  That is the rate on the card and the rate you agreed to when you got the card.
Customer:  Change it now or I will never shop at XYZ store again.
Me: (laughing inside as I work of the bank and have never even been in XYZ store) I'm sorry you feel that way sir is there anything else I can help you with?
(This could go round several times before they either hung up, got abusive so I could hang up, or demanded to be given to a manager.)


I was working this job on 9/11.  It was really hard to have people calling in complaining about interest rates and late charges during all that.  I just wanted to shake them and say can't you see the world just changed, get over yourself.


Yeah, I don't have credit cards now and I'm always sooper dooper nice to people at call centers.


BTW- If they were good, ask to be connect to their manager and compliment them.  It almost never happens and it can make someone's week.


Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: White Dragon on November 18, 2008, 12:37:50 AM
I manage the circulation of SmallCity Newspaper.

We are currently experiencing staffing difficulties and our delivery service is spotty in some areas.

Caller: "I don't get my paper all the time."

Receptionist: "I'm sorry about that...{apologizes and explains what steps are being taken to resolve the problem}."

Caller: "But I don't know if I'm going to get my paper. Can you just have someone drop a note into my mailbox telling me I'll have to pick up a copy?"

Receptionist: "Ma'am, if we had a carrier who could do that, they'd bring you the paper."

Ummm. Yeah.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Itza on November 18, 2008, 01:45:53 AM
you could put up a sign that you give tours every Feb 31 from 12 to noon

>ducking<

Or even 113th February as I've seen written in a memo at work the other day  ;)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Itza on November 18, 2008, 01:53:12 AM
2) He was in the process of grabbing at the sheeps' tails, so of course, something must be done, or that kid would be going home in casts.   

I'm surprised he managed to get that close to the sheep  :o

My aunt used to have a farm and her field was occupied by her neighbours sheep.  Whenever my brothers and I even approached the fence, the sheep would scarper!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: WolfWay on November 18, 2008, 03:20:43 AM
Me: Lisa, I’m not sure what you want me to do.  Do you want me to go down to the lab, place the dish with the samples in it up to my forehead, and then use my psychic powers to determine how many of the samples are junk DNA?  Because really, it sounds like that is what you are asking for.
Lisa: Well, ok maybe I was asking you for something impossible.
*laugh*

I ran a DNA sequencer for 4 years. The number of times I had undergrads coming in with a tray of samples demanding a sequencing run when they had a presentation the next day, usually about 30 minutes after I've loaded up the machine and started it running.

Me: "Look, I've just loaded two full trays of samples, the machine it's going to run for a solid 48 hours. There is no way that I can give you results for tomorrow, even if you had put your samples in the queue to be run today. And, no, I will NOT stop the current samples because you're too lazy to do your lab work earlier in the week."

Tangent: CSI makes me weep. Boss strides in with raw sample and hands it to lab tech. Boss then sits and waits for sequencing results. It's nice to know that he has a good 12+ hours to spare.  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: scotcat on November 18, 2008, 04:06:25 AM
This person should never have been allowed to buy a horse, let alone breed them

But I thought baby horses were found in the Pumpkin patch......
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: smuflo on November 18, 2008, 04:48:30 AM
Tangent: CSI makes me weep. Boss strides in with raw sample and hands it to lab tech. Boss then sits and waits for sequencing results. It's nice to know that he has a good 12+ hours to spare.  ;D

Or when the put a tube in what looks to me to be a centrifuge, and suddenly a DNA profile pops up on the computer screen. 

I know they show things like that for story continuity etc, but sometimes I just sit there shaking my head.

I was on a jury and during the presentation of the evidence the head of the lab was testifying about the lab results.  The prosecutor said to the head of the lab "so your lab uses various techniques to analyze evidence -- similar to what can be seen on shows like CSI."  The head of the lab smiled and said "Yes, we are similar to the characters on CSI, except we live in the real world." 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kherbert05 on November 18, 2008, 05:07:20 AM

Slightly off-topic but . . .

I was once talking with a teacher from a school system in another state.  Not only will some of the parents not pick up if the school calls, they have actually blocked the school's number.  Blocked as in, if little Susie has been in a terrible accident there is no way to call her parents.  The teacher said that if she needs to call home (i.e., school closing), she has to go across the street to the University and call from that number.

Bonus: Now I can get updates to what I'm sure will be a very entertaining thread.  ;D

20 - 30% of our parents also the ones most likely to sue us if something did happen.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kherbert05 on November 18, 2008, 05:18:28 AM
We have had a series of irate parents at school. In each case the family decided to change a child's name long after the birth certificate was signed. Many times the reason given is I'm not with him (meaning the father) anymore. Or we thought person child was named after would give us money and they didn't so we changed the name. Other times it is we just felt like it.

Thing is they don't legally change the name. Now the teachers at my school let the kids put their new names on daily work but we are required by law to use the legal name on things like attendance, report cards, and standardized test. The parents still throw fits.

There is another group - kids in the middle of adoption proceedings that want to drop/change their first names as well as last because they associate the name with the abusive birth parents. Those families are always reasonable and understand why we have to use the legal name. We usually do it this way legal name "NAME CHILD WANTS" legal last name on report cards that are still handwritten - till next year when they will be on computer YEA 21st century.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: WolfWay on November 18, 2008, 05:19:12 AM
Tangent: CSI makes me weep. Boss strides in with raw sample and hands it to lab tech. Boss then sits and waits for sequencing results. It's nice to know that he has a good 12+ hours to spare.  ;D

Or when the put a tube in what looks to me to be a centrifuge, and suddenly a DNA profile pops up on the computer screen. 
My favourite whoopsie was when the lab tech took the all important DNA sample and carefully injected it into the buffer reservoir tank... the one that gets chucked out when you change all the chemicals. And 5 seconds later, sequences appear on the screen. I wept then, but only from laughter. I'm forbidden from commenting on the technical aspects of DNA analysis on CSI in front of my friends now. I complain too much.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on November 18, 2008, 08:34:01 AM
We have had a series of irate parents at school. In each case the family decided to change a child's name long after the birth certificate was signed. Many times the reason given is I'm not with him (meaning the father) anymore. Or we thought person child was named after would give us money and they didn't so we changed the name. Other times it is we just felt like it.
Thing is they don't legally change the name. Now the teachers at my school let the kids put their new names on daily work but we are required by law to use the legal name on things like attendance, report cards, and standardized test. The parents still throw fits.

In S.A. black culture, the concept of naming and family is very fluid. Also, it's traditonal among some cultures (e.g. Zulu) to wait until you've had a child or two before getting married (the weddings are DAYS-long affairs, with cows being slaughtered, etc. Very lavish), so what usually happens is the child is given the mother's surname, plus usually a Zulu/Sotho/etc name and a "Western" name (usually English, but sometimes Afrikaans, even Russian, German, etc.). Some also have a nickname completely unrelated to their names. Then they don't actually USE the mother's name and are known by their father's surname! I often want to scream, "Just register the child in the dad's name already!!"

So you will have a child whose book labels all say, "Lucky Nkosi", but the classlist says, "Lehlohonolo Dube". Which is fine if you know the child, but if another teacher has to mark that child's test or something, they get very confused and don't know where to write the mark down.

Or, a parent must fill in a tear-off slip for an extra-mural. It has a space for the parent's name, a space for the child's name, and a space for the grade. So the parent will write, "I Pinky parent of Snowy in Grade 1...", completely leaving out the surname and which Grade 1 class the child is in! So you look at all the Grade 1 classlists and can't find the child because Snowy is a nickname and the child's name is Lesedi or something. How are we supposed to know what is going on? Sometimes even the child's class teacher doesn't know the child responds to Snowy, and will say, "That child isn't in my class." Then, when the child is not signed up for that activity, you get an irate phone call from the parent demanding to know why.

We've had the opposite thing, too, where the child's legal name is Lesedi Kekana, but her parents call her Snowy and she uses her father's surname. And her parents NEVER told her what her legal name was, so the teacher is calling out, "Lesedi Kekana," and little Snowy sits there not knowing her own name!!

Parents seem to think teachers are psychic.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kherbert05 on November 18, 2008, 09:17:06 AM


See, this is where I'd have a hard time not pointing out to the customer that he gets a bill each and every month, surely he could have KEPT the customer portion of the bill? We keep that portion of all of our bills in our filing cabinet. I'm amazed that other people don't do the same.

If they were playing musical apartments  they may not have received a bill yet and it need to prove were they live. It happens frequently at our school especially if they are staying with another family in violation of the other family's lease.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 18, 2008, 10:09:11 AM
Quote
Oh, the castle stories!

I used to work in the shop in Cinderella Castle in the Magic Kingdom. Probably at least once a week I'd get an exchange like this:

Tourist: How do we get up into the castle? (Note: at this point it's a rational question.)
Me: Well, there's King Stefan's banquet hall on the second floor, you can make reservations with the maiden right over there.
Tourist: No, we want to see the inside of the castle! (Still relatively reasonable, I think.)
Me: That's pretty much all there is. The entire building is occupied by this shop, the restaurant and the mosaics in the breezeway (which are stunning, and which nobody ever looks at.)

Most tourists would take my word for it. But a few would get very insistent, like I was holding out on them. I hated to tell them, but there were a few rooms higher in the castle ... but nothing in them but dead roaches, cigarette butts and other debris.

Since then they've renovated those rooms into one luxury suite that is awarded each night by lottery, but before that we had some very angry guests, including many who were positive Walt Disney himself was on ice up there.

OT- But I've heard they've actually converted those dingy rooms into princess bedrooms and you can pay so you and your little princess can spend the night in the castle. It's pretty pricey though, but grandparents are willing to fork it over.
Actually, it's just the one suite (that's SUPER-deluxe) and it's awarded by random chance ... so I imagine there's a whole universe of new stories out there from people who thought they could just "book" the Castle Suite. :D The down side is that once you're in the suite and the park closes, you absolutely can't leave until the park opens again in the morning.

They've turned my old shop, which used to sell gorgeous stuff from all over the world, into the Bibbity Bobbity Boutique, a kind of Sephora for children. One of my old co-workers calls it the "Harlotorium."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 18, 2008, 10:26:34 AM
We have had a series of irate parents at school. In each case the family decided to change a child's name long after the birth certificate was signed. Many times the reason given is I'm not with him (meaning the father) anymore. Or we thought person child was named after would give us money and they didn't so we changed the name. Other times it is we just felt like it.
Thing is they don't legally change the name. Now the teachers at my school let the kids put their new names on daily work but we are required by law to use the legal name on things like attendance, report cards, and standardized test. The parents still throw fits.

In S.A. black culture, the concept of naming and family is very fluid. Also, it's traditonal among some cultures (e.g. Zulu) to wait until you've had a child or two before getting married (the weddings are DAYS-long affairs, with cows being slaughtered, etc. Very lavish), so what usually happens is the child is given the mother's surname, plus usually a Zulu/Sotho/etc name and a "Western" name (usually English, but sometimes Afrikaans, even Russian, German, etc.). Some also have a nickname completely unrelated to their names. Then they don't actually USE the mother's name and are known by their father's surname! I often want to scream, "Just register the child in the dad's name already!!"

So you will have a child whose book labels all say, "Lucky Nkosi", but the classlist says, "Lehlohonolo Dube". Which is fine if you know the child, but if another teacher has to mark that child's test or something, they get very confused and don't know where to write the mark down.

Or, a parent must fill in a tear-off slip for an extra-mural. It has a space for the parent's name, a space for the child's name, and a space for the grade. So the parent will write, "I Pinky parent of Snowy in Grade 1...", completely leaving out the surname and which Grade 1 class the child is in! So you look at all the Grade 1 classlists and can't find the child because Snowy is a nickname and the child's name is Lesedi or something. How are we supposed to know what is going on? Sometimes even the child's class teacher doesn't know the child responds to Snowy, and will say, "That child isn't in my class." Then, when the child is not signed up for that activity, you get an irate phone call from the parent demanding to know why.

We've had the opposite thing, too, where the child's legal name is Lesedi Kekana, but her parents call her Snowy and she uses her father's surname. And her parents NEVER told her what her legal name was, so the teacher is calling out, "Lesedi Kekana," and little Snowy sits there not knowing her own name!!

Parents seem to think teachers are psychic.

May I just say: AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (Lily curls into fetal position and sucks thumb.)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: little bird on November 18, 2008, 10:39:11 AM
I'm another ex-retail worker who HATED the "you must have one in the back" customers.  Our back room was the size of a very small closet.  Trust me when I tell you that I KNEW what was back there.  If they were looking for a pair of black pants and I knew we had some in there, I'd check anyway just to be safe.  However, if a customer was looking for an electric blue dress in their size, I'd know if one was back there or not.  It was cool if the customer accepted that I might actually know what my shop had in stock but I hated the ones who started in with the "you just don't want to sell to me, you're too lazy to go check".  Eventually I just started going back and standing in the closet for a couple of minutes. 

I also hate the whole "that's unacceptable" thing when that's just the way we do things.  Working in insurance, I hear this a LOT.  Client let their workers' comp policy lapse and then try to get us to rewrite?  Yeah, that's a 'no' no matter how often you tell me it's unacceptable.  I don't know where this whole unacceptable thing came from (probably one of those awful consumer magazines that taught my retail customers to try to barter with me -- always hard keeping a straight face when someone's trying to barter with you over a cocktail dress) but I wish it would crawl back in its' hole and die.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: VorFemme on November 18, 2008, 11:04:49 AM
Yeah - I worked in insurance for a while (high blood pressure, nightmares, and what I am sure were trying to become ulcers convinced me to try something else).  There were customers who wanted to pay the CHEAPEST possible insurance - then screamed when they didn't have comprehensive coverage (hitting an animal, a flying object hit them, or theft were comprehensive - not collision) AND rental reimbursement while their car was in the shop.

Kind of like ordering a burger off the value menu and then complaining that they didn't get fries, a drink, and an ice cream cone with it........plus the burger was too small.

Or it turned out that they didn't mention an accident or three that they'd had in the last couple of years, that their spouse's license was pulled for excessive use of alcohol or drugs while driving, or that they were trying to register Grandma's house in a GOOD area of town as where the car was garaged instead of their apartment in the middle of Crime Alley................or all three plus any of a host of other questions that were ASKED by the sales person that they ignored or LIED about to get that "cheapest possible rate".............

I still remember the one email exchange about an accident that was going to court - but the accident happened BEFORE he bought a policy from our company..............the comment from our insured?  "You must have solved this by now"............no information ever about where the accident happened, who was driving, what vehicle(s) were involved, what insurance company he had had a policy with at the time, or WHAT happened at all.

Just "you must have solved this by now", a wife that spoke no English, and a grown son who didn't know anything about the situation (he tried to ask his mother - SHE insisted that we had to talk to her husband).  Her husband NEVER returned a phone call to anyone (I checked on the computer file a few times as I kept getting told to send him an email).

Insurance has its own special snowflakes............some of them you can tell are special snowflakes to the rest of the bloody world - others might just be rude to us artificial intelligences on the other end of the telephone or computer connection.............

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: DragonKitty on November 18, 2008, 11:14:41 AM
DH was telling me about the time he worked at MickeyD's back in the 80's.  And every Sunday after church let out, this one guy would come in and want a burger with lettuce and tomato on it.   Every week. For months on end. 

They had to explain to him, every time, the only lettuce they had was the shredded for the big mac (he wanted leaf lettuce) and they did not have tomatoes at all, it was not offered on any of their sandwiches back then.  No tomatoes in the building at all.  But he just kept coming back and asking.  Maybe he was hoping to wear them down into submission.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: mumma to KMC on November 18, 2008, 11:23:59 AM
Yeah - I worked in insurance for a while (high blood pressure, nightmares, and what I am sure were trying to become ulcers convinced me to try something else).  There were customers who wanted to pay the CHEAPEST possible insurance - then screamed when they didn't have comprehensive coverage (hitting an animal, a flying object hit them, or theft were comprehensive - not collision) AND rental reimbursement while their car was in the shop.

Kind of like ordering a burger off the value menu and then complaining that they didn't get fries, a drink, and an ice cream cone with it........plus the burger was too small.

Or it turned out that they didn't mention an accident or three that they'd had in the last couple of years, that their spouse's license was pulled for excessive use of alcohol or drugs while driving, or that they were trying to register Grandma's house in a GOOD area of town as where the car was garaged instead of their apartment in the middle of Crime Alley................or all three plus any of a host of other questions that were ASKED by the sales person that they ignored or LIED about to get that "cheapest possible rate".............

I still remember the one email exchange about an accident that was going to court - but the accident happened BEFORE he bought a policy from our company..............the comment from our insured?  "You must have solved this by now"............no information ever about where the accident happened, who was driving, what vehicle(s) were involved, what insurance company he had had a policy with at the time, or WHAT happened at all.

Just "you must have solved this by now", a wife that spoke no English, and a grown son who didn't know anything about the situation (he tried to ask his mother - SHE insisted that we had to talk to her husband).  Her husband NEVER returned a phone call to anyone (I checked on the computer file a few times as I kept getting told to send him an email).

Insurance has its own special snowflakes............some of them you can tell are special snowflakes to the rest of the bloody world - others might just be rude to us artificial intelligences on the other end of the telephone or computer connection.............



AHHHHH!! Insurance. I loved the people who blamed ME for the underwriters finding out a drunk driving ticket. Or parents who yelled at ME for having their policy either canceled or rates go way up due to child's driving record. (Kids you are only going to hide those tickets from your parents for so long).

People who totally cheaped out on their policy drove me nuts. Not because I thought everyone should have comp/collision on their paid off car, but because those people would be the first to raise a stink if something happened to their car. Oh and not adding towing on for $7 a term then having the nerve to call me up and complain about not being reimbursed drove me nuts.

I only worked in the insurance field for 4 or 5 years, but it felt like a life time.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on November 18, 2008, 12:30:28 PM
::Parents seem to think teachers are psychic.::
May I just say: AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (Lily curls into fetal position and sucks thumb.)

Oh, so you know how I feel on a daily basis.  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Kari on November 18, 2008, 12:34:01 PM
Caller: Can you publish my book?
Me: I'm sorry, sir. While we are a publishing company, we only publish our own magazines.
Caller: Really?
Me: Yes, sir.
Caller: You can't publish my book?
Me: No, we don't do that. We're not that kind of...
Caller: COME ON! (hangs up)

Yikes. I left out about a minute of his needling me and trying to convince me to publish his book.  ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: little bird on November 18, 2008, 12:41:31 PM
Quote
Insurance has its own special snowflakes............some of them you can tell are special snowflakes to the rest of the bloody world - others might just be rude to us artificial intelligences on the other end of the telephone or computer connection.............

Oh absolutely.  I'm on the carrier end of things, so I don't deal with insureds, only with agents.  And every single day, it amazes me that some of these people still have their jobs.  I've only been in the industry for about a year so I'm sure I still have a lot of my will-to-live left to lose, but so far... this job does not give me back any of my faith in humanity.

Best one from today:  Orders came down from on high (from the state) that we were to cancel a policy immediately because the insured was paying employees under the table.  Agent calls up screaming about due diligence and a bunch of other terms that really had no place in the conversation and said he was suing us for not giving the insured 60 days.  Uhhhh, trust me, we don't have to do that in this situation.  Get your lawyer, ours will laugh you out of court.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Hillia on November 18, 2008, 01:16:27 PM
Oh, insurance.  Back in the late 70's/early 80's, my mom (an RN) would do life insurance medical exams to earn extra money.  She was interviewing one young man, in his early 20's, who still lived at home with his parents.  She asked his parents if they'd like to stay in the room to help him with the questionnaire, since they had told her he had never done any 'grownup' things before.   Nope, he's fine.  Are you sure?  No, he'll be fine.  Ok then.

Going down the list of standard medical questions, she landed on 'Do you use drugs recreationally?'  He said, oh yeah, sure.  She looked at him in surprise and asked if he was sure.  Yes, he was sure.  Would he like to ask his parents about that question?  No, everything was fine.  She gave him many, many chances to say 'What?  Drugs?  Oh, silly me, I thought you said, um, pugs...' but he stuck to it, so that's how she submitted his application. 

Not surprisingly, his application was denied. 

Not surprisingly, his parents raised holy heck. 

Surprisingly, her boss gave the parents our home phone number to get them off his back, so they called our house and screamed at her every night for a week until my father threatened them with the police.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: TychaBrahe on November 18, 2008, 01:18:16 PM
See, this is where I'd have a hard time not pointing out to the customer that he gets a bill each and every month, surely he could have KEPT the customer portion of the bill? We keep that portion of all of our bills in our filing cabinet. I'm amazed that other people don't do the same.

When Strom Thurmond retired from the Senate in 2003, after serving since 1954, he closed up his Capital home and went back to South Carolina.  In the process, he submitted a receipt to get his water service deposit back.  The water company was shocked that he still had his receipt after 50 years.  Most people don't keep files with that degree of care, but let me tell you if Senator Thurmond had had to register one of his children for school, he wouldn't have had a problem in doing so.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Miss Misha on November 18, 2008, 01:23:59 PM
Ahhh, insurance.  Health insurance is its own special circle of e-he!!.   I work for a integrated regional HMO who has begun to sell deductible benefit coverage to patients who previously only paid a co-pay, or fixed fee, for services.  Under the deductible coverage, they pay full price for what ever medical services they receive until their deductible is met.  This has led to some mighty interrrresssting conversations:

"What do you mean I'm on a deductible plan!!! No one told me!"  Um, did you read the packet of information that came with your insurance card?  Attend your employer's open enrollment meeting where they explained the plan change?  Maybe you should have.

"I just want to know the exact cost for XYZ procedure."  Whereas that seems like a reasonable request, but I can only give you an estimate as I have to wait for the provider to perform the procedure, record precisely what he or she did to you, based on your overall health, pre-existing conditions and your specific health conditions, then have our systems process your claim to find out, to.the.penny, exactly how much your service will cost.  Healthcare is not retail pricing.

"If I went to hospital/provider-down-the-street, they wouldn't charge me for services, they'd bill me."  You might want to go to that office and notice that sign prominently displayed in their lobby, like just about every other health provider's lobby that reads, "We expect payment at time of service" or some variation thereupon.  Doctors expect payment at time of service these days and did you also know they no longer do house calls? (end sarcasm)

"The provider ordered/performed services that I didn't know would cost extra.  I refuse to pay for them."  Um, you got them, you pay for them.  It's up to you and your provider to make medically necessary decisions, regardless of cost.

"I asked the desk clerk/janitor/random person behind the desk what this would cost and they said wrong-cost."  Thank you for letting me know so I can contact their supervisor and have the employee counseled to not give erroneous information to our patients.  I'm sure that employee will never be that helpful to you or any other patient again now that you've gotten them in hot water.

Give me a minute, maybe some more will come to me.  ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MasterofSquirrels on November 18, 2008, 01:59:09 PM
a lady came into the office last week... she wanted a soil test kit. they are $9.00 each. These soil kits are used by farmers and weekend gardeners alike to know what thier soil needs for optimal crops.

weekend gardener comes in. she has 6 small garden plots. convo:
me: so you'd like 6 test kits? they are $9.00/each
WG: no, i want to put 6vials in one sample.
me: i don't think you can do that. you would need 6 kits for accuracy
WG: no i want one...
co-worker: the test's don't work like that. you can put soil from all your gardens in one kit, but it may not be accurate. depends on what you are growing.
WG: i want one kit. i don't want to spend more than $9.00
me:  ???  ???
other co-worker: you are going to need to get more than one kit if you want accurate results. they don't do what you are asking. you can combine the soil from all of your gardens, but your result may not be accurate.
WG: fine. i guess i'll take 2.

umm... i know that 6x$9.00 is more than you want to spend, but goodness, you can't get something for nothing!!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: thebeckster on November 18, 2008, 02:08:02 PM
But I want something for nothing, and I will argue with you until I get it!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on November 18, 2008, 02:12:48 PM
One of the things I hate about being a consumer AND a former retail employee is the seasonal items!

When I used to live in the Frozen Wasteland of the North (no, not Canada....Indiana  ;) ), we had a very bad winter one year. We got snowstorm after snowstorm. Well one day I was at work when I take a call from a customer looking for snowsuits. This was about a week before Christmas. I had to tell her that we were all out of snowsuits in the sizes that she needed and probably would not be getting any more.

She was just OUTRAGED that we could run out of something like that. Didn't we know it was COLD outside? Didn't we know it was DECEMBER? Yes, I assured her that I thought the practice of marketing winter items in the Summer was stupid, but that was unlikely to change her situation. I asked her if she needed a coat for her child, and she said no. I told her that she could always check Goodwill and other thrift stores, but it was not a guarantee that she was going to find one.

As a customer, last winter my oldest son had his coat ripped at school. The arm of the coat was almost ripped right off. So I go in search of a coat. I was lucky to find one as it was January at the the time! Usually can't find any! Even around Atlanta. I was thinking that I'd have to order one off the internet, but even that is not certain.

One time I had a customer get mad at me because we were all out of swimsuits. In November. Uh...yeah, I don't think you're going to get THAT lucky! I told the lady that I had the same situation and to wear a sports bra and spandex shorts with a t-shirt over it.

Even better was the time I worked at a hotel and had a guest scream at me because it was raining.

Ginger
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 18, 2008, 02:18:36 PM
Actually, Miss_Misha, our local hospital is experimenting with something called fixed-price billing, where they say "For procedure X, the charge will be Y and you'll know in advance how much you will be expected to pay." They can only do it for hospital fees (not doctors' bills, though some doctors have agreed to do the same thing) but it's proven very popular and oddly enough, saved them a ton of money. :D And they got most insurance plans to play along!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: dragonflies on November 18, 2008, 02:27:39 PM
I shop at Ann Taylor Loft and the sale ladies always tell me if I don't see my size on the floor, they have a stock room full of different sizes.

I worked at a special order bridal salon.  You could order 100 dress, in 50 colors, and some of the dresses came in color combos (you could combine any colors) and we cut the dresses in size 0 to size 26.  We used a pattern and didn't cut custom measurements.  We made the dresses in China once the order was placed.  We didn't carry much inventory.  This process took 3 months.  We gave ourselves plenty of time to clear customs.  We always told people it was a 12 week order and ladies would get mad b/c they couldn't get a dress for the week-end.  No matter how much they paid, we just couldn't take an order 2 weeks in advance.  We didn't stock the dresses b/c we would need a huge warehouse.  People wanted to steal dresses from orders all the time.  No, you can't have her dress just because you didn't allot your self enough time.  I can't make another in 1 week because you thought you would lose 40 pounds in 3 months and now your dress is three sizes too small or because you gained 40 pounds in 3 months.  No, I didn't shrink your dresses and all the dresses in the stores.

Now, we would get some ladies larger than a size 26 who would get mad that we didn't carry sizes such as 50.  Later they would admit that all their clothes were custom made by a tailor.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on November 18, 2008, 02:36:28 PM
I shop at Ann Taylor Loft and the sale ladies always tell me if I don't see my size on the floor, they have a stock room full of different sizes.

I worked at a special order bridal salon.  You could order 100 dress, in 50 colors, and some of the dresses came in color combos (you could combine any colors) and we cut the dresses in size 0 to size 26.  We used a pattern and didn't cut custom measurements.  We made the dresses in China once the order was placed.  We didn't carry much inventory.  This process took 3 months.  We gave ourselves plenty of time to clear customs.  We always told people it was a 12 week order and ladies would get mad b/c they couldn't get a dress for the week-end.  No matter how much they paid, we just couldn't take an order 2 weeks in advance.  We didn't stock the dresses b/c we would need a huge warehouse.  People wanted to steal dresses from orders all the time.  No, you can't have her dress just because you didn't allot your self enough time.  I can't make another in 1 week because you thought you would lose 40 pounds in 3 months and now your dress is three sizes too small or because you gained 40 pounds in 3 months.  No, I didn't shrink your dresses and all the dresses in the stores.

Now, we would get some ladies larger than a size 26 who would get mad that we didn't carry sizes such as 50.  Later they would admit that all their clothes were custom made by a tailor.

I made my own wedding dress because I figured that I'd never find anything suitable for a 39-year-old bride in size 24 for a price that I'd want to pay on the rack.  Granted, white makes me look like a cumulonimbus (thunder cloud) but I wanted to wear white since it was my first (and hopefully only) wedding. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Calypso on November 18, 2008, 02:56:31 PM

Oh absolutely.  I'm on the carrier end of things, so I don't deal with insureds, only with agents.  And every single day, it amazes me that some of these people still have their jobs.  I've only been in the industry for about a year so I'm sure I still have a lot of my will-to-live left to lose, but so far... this job does not give me back any of my faith in humanity.

Best one from today:  Orders came down from on high (from the state) that we were to cancel a policy immediately because the insured was paying employees under the table.  Agent calls up screaming about due diligence and a bunch of other terms that really had no place in the conversation and said he was suing us for not giving the insured 60 days.  Uhhhh, trust me, we don't have to do that in this situation.  Get your lawyer, ours will laugh you out of court.


I'm not in the insurance business, I admit, but I'm missing what's so egregious about the agent's concerns here. A state agency told you Employer X was paying people under the table, so you canceled his policy (does that mean all the employees who WEREN'T being paid under the table had their health insurance canceled too?). What doesn't mesh for me is: what proof does your company have that the illegal situation was going on? Just the state agency's word for it? Why is 60 days so unreasonable for the employer to have to try to clear up the situation before he loses his insurance? Your company may have the law on it's side, but I don't see the humor or the extreme unreasonable-ness  here. There are laws that favor insurance companies (and other institutions, I'm not just picking on insurance) that may be legal, but not necessarily completely moral...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: little bird on November 18, 2008, 03:19:41 PM
Quote
What doesn't mesh for me is: what proof does your company have that the illegal situation was going on? Just the state agency's word for it? Why is 60 days so unreasonable for the employer to have to try to clear up the situation before he loses his insurance? Your company may have the law on it's side, but I don't see the humor or the extreme unreasonable-ness  here. There are laws that favor insurance companies (and other institutions, I'm not just picking on insurance) that may be legal, but not necessarily completely moral...

It came down from the state labor commissioner who has to have a certain amount of proof before they can send it on to us.  In cases like that, we NEED to cancel it immediately.  There is no mandatory wait period like with other cancellations.  I don't know exactly what goes into investigating for something like this (it's not something my position deals with, but my supervisor does), but I do know that the state has to have proof before they can send it on to us and they take it quite seriously.  We do have to follow what the labor commissioner tells us.  If they can submit proof that they are not paying under the table (which no one ever has) then yes, we would absolutely reinstate the policy.  However, the burden of proof lies with the insured and if you're not doing something illegal and keep decent records?  You should have that proof at your fingertips. 

The only thing amusing about the situation is that the agent knows this.  This is standard knowledge for the profession.  This particular agent has worked closely with us for years and deals ONLY with this one state's regulations.  He knows this perfectly well.  For him to call up and threaten legal action when he has no grounds to do so is ridiculous.

I don't see how what we're doing is immoral.  We don't just pick and choose people to cancel for no reason.  We have rules and regulations we have to follow strictly, some are internal policies, some are handed down from the state.  In the latter example, we can't just decide not to follow those regulations unless we want to face major fines and potential legal action.  And I'm sorry, but paying your employees under the table isn't exactly "moral" either.  It's a lovely way to try to escape from taxes but it's also illegal and we can't get caught up in all of that.  I really don't see what else we should do in this situation.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MineralDiva on November 18, 2008, 03:37:07 PM
Snow!  On a given date and at a certain time!  LOLOL  Holy kielbasa!  Some people!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: artk2002 on November 18, 2008, 03:45:33 PM
Snow!  On a given date and at a certain time!  LOLOL  Holy kielbasa!  Some people!

Ah yes... it's about time for those calls, isn't it?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MineralDiva on November 18, 2008, 03:52:02 PM
Snow!  On a given date and at a certain time!  LOLOL  Holy kielbasa!  Some people!

Ah yes... it's about time for those calls, isn't it?

Yup!  Sure is!  I also had a call from a lady who wanted to know what the special events schedule was for JUNE already!  When I told her I don't yet have that calendar, she responded with, "Well that's not going to help me.  We need to make our reservations NOW!  I guess the Chamber doesn't plan very far in advance, eh?"  I told her that the people organizing the events (whatever they may be) do indeed plan quite far in advance, but don't let the Chamber know until closer to the time.  This is November.  Wanna know when our annual Christmas Tree Lighting is?  I've got that.  Need to know who's on the garden tour for June, when it is and how much it will cost?  Couldn't tell ya.  Sorry.  Try back in March/April-ish and I'll be a wealth of information.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Megan on November 18, 2008, 04:09:21 PM
I'm a graduate student and teaching assistant.  I have office/lab space in a building which is super tight for space.  As a result, my office is the former closet of a much larger lab.  To get to it I must let myself in the locked door of the large lab, go to the back of the room and then let myself in the locked door of my office.  Neither of these doors may ever be left unlocked.

I explain to students at the beginning of the semester that they cannot drop by my office, as I work in a closet and can't hear knocks at the door.   I am available by email and for anything urgent if they can't reach me they can go directly to the professor.  This week has been lab manual hand in week.  I've had so many irate students saying "I missed my lab so I came to your office right after to hand it in.  I knocked but you didn't answer so I went home.  I don't think I should get late marks."  According to the rules of the course, I have to take off late marks.  If they had emailed me immediately or gone to the prof, I would not have to.

I don't even know how these students know where my office is, but at least two have elevated this to the prof (who completely has my back)  And one has apparently gone to the department head.  Ughh, is it terrible that I'm starting to hate students even though I'm still a student myself?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: audhs on November 18, 2008, 04:30:03 PM
I worked in a bookstore and had a woman come in looking for a particlar book.  She didn't know the name or authour but it had a distictive cover and so I was able to figure out what she wanted.  The only problem was that they had recently reissued the book with a different colour cover.  I could not convince her that it was the same book.  We went around and around about it.  She just kept repeting that the book she was looking for had a yellow cover.  With me repeating that yes the previous ediction had a yellow cover but the new edition had a green cover but it was the same book.

She finally left without the book, clearly miffed at me.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Calypso on November 18, 2008, 04:51:54 PM

I don't see how what we're doing is immoral.  We don't just pick and choose people to cancel for no reason.  We have rules and regulations we have to follow strictly, some are internal policies, some are handed down from the state.  In the latter example, we can't just decide not to follow those regulations unless we want to face major fines and potential legal action.  And I'm sorry, but paying your employees under the table isn't exactly "moral" either.  It's a lovely way to try to escape from taxes but it's also illegal and we can't get caught up in all of that.  I really don't see what else we should do in this situation.

OK, thank you for the explanation. I wasn't suggesting your company was doing something immoral...I shouldn't have segued into a general point ("not everything that is legal is necessarily moral") from a specific question. With your explanation, I feel better that proper care was taken.

My folks were small business people, and I work for a very small family business (not my family) in a state where some of the regulations make it awfully tough for a small business to survive, so I am (I know) biased. I wasn't suggesting at all that pay-under-the-table is ok---my point had to do with, did the accused employer have a fair chance to show that that wasn't happening? You've answered my question very satisfactorily--thank you.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: little bird on November 18, 2008, 04:58:35 PM
Quote
My folks were small business people, and I work for a very small family business (not my family) in a state where some of the regulations make it awfully tough for a small business to survive, so I am (I know) biased. I wasn't suggesting at all that pay-under-the-table is ok---my point had to do with, did the accused employer have a fair chance to show that that wasn't happening? You've answered my question very satisfactorily--thank you.

There are definitely states where insurance companies are at an advantage over small business owners, very true.  The state I work with, however, is very insured-centered which is good in some ways and bad in others (bad in the sense that it is extremely hard for my company to get off a policy mid-term and most decisions made are in favour of the insured -- I actually think this is the only reason we can cancel a policy without at least 30 days notice and those other cancellations nearly always have to do with serious misrepresentation or some sort of fraud).  My company does not verify what comes down from the labor commissioner as they do all of their investigation themselves, down to the point of notifying the insured of their findings and giving them time to refute the claim.  If the state made a mistake, the insured could easily win a lawsuit against the state. 

And you're welcome.  Sorry if I sounded a little harsh.  It's a bit of a hot button with me.  I've found that the vast majority of people I run into think that my company must be evil because we're in the insurance business! 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Slartibartfast on November 18, 2008, 05:35:01 PM
Well I did have several library patrons expect me to type up their school reports and essays (usually plagarized straight from wikipedia), and even had a few adults provide the following conversation:

Patron: Hi, I'm looking for a job and someone told me I need a job sheet thing.
Me:  A resume?  Certainly, the books on writing resumes are over here on this shelf, and you're welcome to take up to an hour on the computer.  Although if nobody else needs it, I am able to extend your computer time somewhat.
Patron:  I don't type too good; can you do it for me?
Me:  Pardon?  Sorry, I'm not able to type your resume for you, but [opening a resume book] here are several excellent examples of resumes.  Pick one you like and go from there.
Patron:  [Looking at the example] But I didn't work in . . . uh, muh-DEE-kale transitions.  [Medical transcription, or whatever the example resume used]  Look, can't you just write my job sheet for me?
Me:  I'm sorry, I'm unable to do that.  Do you need help getting started in Microsoft Word?
Patron:  I don't do computers.  [getting frustrated]  Are you going to help me or not?  Don't you want me to get a job?
Me:  *headdesk*
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: DistantStar on November 18, 2008, 05:58:14 PM
Snow!  On a given date and at a certain time!  LOLOL  Holy kielbasa!  Some people!

Ah yes... it's about time for those calls, isn't it?

Yep, it is...and where I am, we haven't gotten any snow.  We did get a few inches a month ago.  They're making it on the ski runs, but unless we get a huge surprise snowfall there's not going to be much skiing here for a while yet.  *doing snow dance*
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: LeeLee88 on November 18, 2008, 06:22:19 PM
::Parents seem to think teachers are psychic.::
May I just say: AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (Lily curls into fetal position and sucks thumb.)

Oh, so you know how I feel on a daily basis.  ;D

My brain functions... shutting down... can't comprehend... BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP... 
Awww, T'Mar of Vulcan, I'm afraid that you've put me into a vegetative state :-P
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: VorFemme on November 18, 2008, 06:51:42 PM

One time I had a customer get mad at me because we were all out of swimsuits. In November. Uh...yeah, I don't think you're going to get THAT lucky! I told the lady that I had the same situation and to wear a sports bra and spandex shorts with a t-shirt over it.

Ginger

Fort Knox, Kentucky - DD was on the swim team and comes to me around Halloween to tell me that the chlorine in the practice pool has EATEN her swimsuit - she needs another.  Could we run to Wal-Mart and get one off the clearance racks or should she order Very Pricey Name Suit from the coach?

Since I sew, I pulled out a pattern, some elastic, and a big piece of swim suit fabric and started adjusting the racer back suit (Kwik Sew) to HER body..........three swimsuits later, it fits perfectly.  Two years later, same thing in Warner Robins, Georgia.  I still have both ADJUSTED patterns folded up in that pattern envelope.  But it is a bit more trouble than I'm willing to go to for a random stranger off the street............
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: supernova on November 18, 2008, 07:12:45 PM

I explain to students at the beginning of the semester that they cannot drop by my office, as I work in a closet and can't hear knocks at the door...

I don't even know how these students know where my office is, but at least two have elevated this to the prof (who completely has my back)  And one has apparently gone to the department head.  Ughh, is it terrible that I'm starting to hate students even though I'm still a student myself?

What's astonishing is that they can find your office, but they can't find your in-box in the department office.  Or your professor's office.  Or HIS in-box in the department office.  Or the mail slot on his office door.  Or the syllabus the Prof handed them at the first class meeting which explains, in detail, what to do in such a situation.  Or... 

(Can you tell I just finished college?  I had five different methods for handing in a paper at any given time, IF I chose not to hand it in during class time.  And there were still students that complained that "I shouldn't be marked late, I didn't have a way to turn it in!")

     - saphie
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 18, 2008, 07:50:04 PM


Fort Knox, Kentucky - DD was on the swim team and comes to me around Halloween to tell me that the chlorine in the practice pool has EATEN her swimsuit - she needs another.  Could we run to Wal-Mart and get one off the clearance racks or should she order Very Pricey Name Suit from the coach?

Since I sew, I pulled out a pattern, some elastic, and a big piece of swim suit fabric and started adjusting the racer back suit (Kwik Sew) to HER body..........three swimsuits later, it fits perfectly.  Two years later, same thing in Warner Robins, Georgia.  I still have both ADJUSTED patterns folded up in that pattern envelope.  But it is a bit more trouble than I'm willing to go to for a random stranger off the street............
My mom doesn't sew as well as you, and learned the hard way - at the start of swim season, buy at least four suits. She swore my sister was letting goats chew on them.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: bopper on November 18, 2008, 08:00:24 PM
I'm another ex-retail worker who HATED the "you must have one in the back" customers. 
My daughter loves the store "Limited Too".  If there is not an item of the size you want, they WILL check in the back and they often have them.   So some places have them, some don't.  But if a store says they don't, I would trust them.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: gjcva1 on November 18, 2008, 08:15:56 PM
okay, so this one doesn't exactly deal with customers, but it was a time when i really wish i'd had a fully charged Phoenix feather cored wand.

our corporate e-mail server crashed due to a hurricane (not Katrina).  i mean died.  like as in none, nada, nothing, zip, zilch.  corporate HQ dead, the 3 division HQ's dead, all sattalite locations, like ours in DC dead.  and we didn't know when it was going to come back up.  i stepped into the office of each of my 7 guys and explained the situation.  6 of them understood, but oh geez, #7.

him:  but i have to confer with Mike in Ohio!  we're setting up visits with Large Government Agency!  i HAVE to talk to him about this to plan!!!  when will we be back up?

me: i don't know, there are some more serious problems in New Orleans than our mail server.  we will all just have to be patient.

him:  but you don't UNDERSTAND!!!  this meeting is vital!  i have to discuss it with Mike in Ohio!!!

me:  i'll be right back, just let me check something.

went to my desk, checked a book, wrote something on a post-it, and went back to his office.

him:  did you fix the server?

me:  no, but you can confer with Mike.  pick the handset up off of that big black thing on the left side of your desk, punch in these numbers on the keypad (handing him the post-it), and talk to Mike.  the phone lines still work.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: little bird on November 18, 2008, 08:39:37 PM
I'm another ex-retail worker who HATED the "you must have one in the back" customers. 
My daughter loves the store "Limited Too".  If there is not an item of the size you want, they WILL check in the back and they often have them.   So some places have them, some don't.  But if a store says they don't, I would trust them.

I don't have a problem with people who ask if there's something in the back because I know a lot of places do have substantial back areas -- if I was even partially unsure if something existed, I would gladly go check.  I just hated the people who would get cranky if I knew there wasn't anything in our closet that they wanted (like if they wanted something we only got one size run in or if it was one of our best-selling pieces that we couldn't keep on the racks) or accused me of lying to them.  I didn't like the implication that I didn't want to help them out... We REALLY wanted their money.  We just... didn't really keep much in our back room.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 18, 2008, 09:20:11 PM
::Parents seem to think teachers are psychic.::
May I just say: AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (Lily curls into fetal position and sucks thumb.)

Oh, so you know how I feel on a daily basis.  ;D

My brain functions... shutting down... can't comprehend... BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP... 
Awww, T'Mar of Vulcan, I'm afraid that you've put me into a vegetative state :-P
Systems crash left and right, leaving ehellions in various stages of catatonia and trauma. 

Honestly, T'Mar, until I read what you had to say about names, the worst name problem I had was with a Hispanic teen who only gave me the wrong part of his hyphenated last name.  Oh, and the kid who answered to three different names on any given day.  Suddenly that seems like a picnic.  Seriously, you are achieving almost deity-like status here.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Black Delphinium on November 18, 2008, 09:44:30 PM
It's that Vulcan logic, Lily. If she didn't have such an ordered mind, she'd go hopelessly insane. (wow, I need a straight-faced icon right about now...)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Dindrane on November 18, 2008, 09:50:35 PM
So I have one story from the other side of things to maybe explain why people say situations are "unacceptable" when not to their liking.

About a year ago, I had cause to deal with Apple's customer service.  My hard drive crashed and took a lot of other components with it, and I had to send it off to be repaired.  In the process of figuring out what had happened, I spoke to a CSR who pretty much told me a bald faced lie.  I acted with this erroneous information in mind, and was not corrected until it was too late to really do anything about the lie.

So when I was finally able to talk to someone who could do something for me (and it took a fair bit of persistence on my part...I was really unhappy about the whole situation), I pretty much said the situation was unacceptable.  Because it is unacceptable to have the CSR or tech support guy lie to customers.  That's a really good way to drive them away - and Apple computers are not cheap.

Fortunately, the last person I spoke to was able to resolve my issue, and I will probably do business with Apple again in the future.  But I still feel that part of the reason that was possible is that I told him it was unacceptable.  It was the only term I could think of that expressed my extreme displeasure without me yelling or otherwise being rude.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: whylime13 on November 18, 2008, 10:33:20 PM
I've worked at both libraries and retail stores - probably the two best places to meet crazy people.  But sadly I can't remember any of the good stories - my mind must be blacking those times out.

My favorite one currently is pretty good (this happens at least once a week).  When people come to my office for an appointment we tell them to plan on being there up to 2 hours.  And yet I constantly have people telling me 'oh I have to be at the doctors in half an hour, can you hurry things up'.  And I look down at the pile of forms on my desk that have to get filled out and mentally go through the questions I need to ask to get my computer work squared away and take a deep breath and do my best.  But what kills me is when we get half way through and I have to stop because the client is busy texting.  Or if I go look up front after they are done and see they checked in 20 minutes after they were supposed to be here. 

I've taken to saying 'even at my fastest, you still have to do xyz and then wait for such and such to happen so the soonest we will be done is ___ but I can reschedule you so you don't miss your doctor'  Its amazing how often it becomes not a problem... or I hear, oh do you think I should tell the person waiting in the car it might be a while?'  We think word got around that if you fake about having to be there we can magically just get people in and out in 5 minutes.  Which is just not true.  I am accountable for every single question that needs to be done, I can skim over a few things and talk really fast but thats it.

My favorite ever though is a woman who walked into my office at 10:45 and said I need to be somewhere that's and hour drive away by 11:00.  I just looked at the clock, looked at her and said 'you know no matter what I do you're not going to make it, right?'.  She responded, 'yes but my appointment was at 9:45 so I didn't think it would be a problem'.   (just to be clear the 2 hours includes some things done before I see the clients so she had not been kept waiting for an hour)... she really thought she would still somehow be on time.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: keelhaulrose on November 18, 2008, 10:41:09 PM
I worked a day care once where the two year old teacher decided that she wanted a change of scenery. She and the four/five year old teacher decided that they would swap rooms for a year, with the directors OK. A few days after the switch a mother came up to me (who had zero in the way of control, but happened to be one of two people in the building, the other of which never worked in a room with the woman's son.) Basically the conversation was:

Woman: My son really liked Mrs. Smith as a teacher.

Me: Yes, she's a very nice woman.

W: Is there any way you could get him into Mrs. Smith's room again?

M: I'm sorry, but Mrs. Smith is teaching a much older age group now.

W: They're just kids, right? What's the harm in letting my son go to her room.

M: First off, the toys in there aren't developmentally appropriate for your son, and neither are the activities. He just wouldn't have fun, and he'd be away from all his friends.

W: (whiny voice) But he likes Mrs. Smith! Why can't he be in her room?

M: Because *governing agency* says he can't be in that room full-time until he is four. In two years, when he turns four [side note, the kid was a rather young two] he can be in that room, but not now.

W: Well, can't you just change the rule?

M: *struggling not to let jaw hit the floor over the suggestion that changing a government-issued rule is as easy erasing it and writing in the new one* Sorry, ma'am, but I really can't change the rule.

W: You need to let him into Mrs. Smith's class! I demand he starts back in her class tomorrow!

M: We can't let him be in that class full-time until he's four.

W: Then make him four!

M: *wonders whether the Time-turner Hermione had or the Aging Potion Fred and George had would work better* Look, the Director just pulled up. Why don't you explain your concerns to her?

Yeah, that was a fun one. I didn't know I had the ability to age children up a couple years.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: JadeGirl on November 18, 2008, 10:47:27 PM
I work in an industry where project teams are scattered around the globe.  The project lead normally works out of the UK or US, depending on where the parent company is based.

Bearing this in mind, I live and work in Australia.  Inevitably, the Project Manager emails me on Friday their time, demanding that I do thus-and-so task by close of business their time.  Ummmm, guys, it's after close of business here?  Hello, different time zones?  Do you think that's why I always turn down your meeting requests because they fall in the middle of the night here?

Of course, I do offer alternate times/deadlines, but it gets old.

The penny finally dropped for one PM when I sent her the link to the meeting planner timeanddate.com.  I got a sheepish apology the next day.  Some managers don't even realise even after they look at the links  ::)

Sometimes I wonder how these people get to their positions of authority.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on November 18, 2008, 11:03:53 PM
Awww, T'Mar of Vulcan, I'm afraid that you've put me into a vegetative state :-P
Systems crash left and right, leaving ehellions in various stages of catatonia and trauma. 
Honestly, T'Mar, until I read what you had to say about names, the worst name problem I had was with a Hispanic teen who only gave me the wrong part of his hyphenated last name.  Oh, and the kid who answered to three different names on any given day.  Suddenly that seems like a picnic.  Seriously, you are achieving almost deity-like status here.

 :D

Quote from: Black Delphinium
It's that Vulcan logic, Lily. If she didn't have such an ordered mind, she'd go hopelessly insane. (wow, I need a straight-faced icon right about now...)

Heh heh.

Yeah, some of the things we have to deal with are insane.

We've also had this situation numerous times:

Parent (in November/January): I need to register my child for Grade 5.
Secretary: I'm sorry, the school is full.
Parent: But I live in the area!
Sec: We're sorry, but we can't take more children. Try (one of the other schools in the area).
Parent: They sent me here!
Sec: We're sorry, but registration opened in August, and now we have no more space.
P: Not even for one child?
Sec: No, I'm sorry.
P: I'm going to report you to the department! (Sometimes the dept. tells us to take the child; other times they don't.)
S: I guess you'll have to.
P: I'm going to tell them what racists you all are, refusing my child entry because she's black/white/Indian/Coloured/Chinese/purple.
S:  ???
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Warbaby on November 18, 2008, 11:04:35 PM
I work in an industry where project teams are scattered around the globe.  The project lead normally works out of the UK or US, depending on where the parent company is based.

Bearing this in mind, I live and work in Australia.  Inevitably, the Project Manager emails me on Friday their time, demanding that I do thus-and-so task by close of business their time.  Ummmm, guys, it's after close of business here?  Hello, different time zones?  Do you think that's why I always turn down your meeting requests because they fall in the middle of the night here?

Of course, I do offer alternate times/deadlines, but it gets old.

The penny finally dropped for one PM when I sent her the link to the meeting planner timeanddate.com.  I got a sheepish apology the next day.  Some managers don't even realise even after they look at the links  ::)

Sometimes I wonder how these people get to their positions of authority.


Very simple.  They have risen to their level of incompetency; also known as "The Peter Principle."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Animala on November 19, 2008, 12:02:26 AM
Well I did have several library patrons expect me to type up their school reports and essays (usually plagarized straight from wikipedia), and even had a few adults provide the following conversation:

Patron: Hi, I'm looking for a job and someone told me I need a job sheet thing.
Me:  A resume?  Certainly, the books on writing resumes are over here on this shelf, and you're welcome to take up to an hour on the computer.  Although if nobody else needs it, I am able to extend your computer time somewhat.
Patron:  I don't type too good; can you do it for me?
Me:  Pardon?  Sorry, I'm not able to type your resume for you, but [opening a resume book] here are several excellent examples of resumes.  Pick one you like and go from there.
Patron:  [Looking at the example] But I didn't work in . . . uh, muh-DEE-kale transitions.  [Medical transcription, or whatever the example resume used]  Look, can't you just write my job sheet for me?
Me:  I'm sorry, I'm unable to do that.  Do you need help getting started in Microsoft Word?
Patron:  I don't do computers.  [getting frustrated]  Are you going to help me or not?  Don't you want me to get a job?
Me:  *headdesk*

I'm ferquently amazed at how many people confuse a library with some type of welfare/social organization. Or those who think they are personal secretaries.  My sis has a patron right now that she won't do anything for him besides check out books or give him a phone book.  He actually thing she (the head librarian at a college) would do all his research, make all his phone calls and, oh there was something else, but I can't remember now.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: HonorH on November 19, 2008, 12:31:01 AM
Speaking of Harry Potter, I worked at Banes & Ignoble for the releases of the fourth and fifth books.  What was it like?  Think "madhouse," but with more whiny brats.  And I'm talking about the parents, not the kids.  We had several flavors of crazy, but there were two in particular that really baked my noodle.

The first were the people who wanted the book before the official release.  Yes, we did get the book prior to the official release, only by a matter of days.  However, the boxes were wrapped in tape with large, all-caps, bold-print warnings and probably a few hexes forbidding anyone from opening them before the book was released.  They got opened about fifteen minutes before midnight, and that was just so we could organize the chaos of getting them into customers' hands.  BUT, some people knew we would have the books up to two days before the release.  And they would beg, cajole and threaten to get one.  "Juuust ooonnne, what can it hurt?"  Um, let's see--if word got out, Scholastic would get royally peeved with B&I Corporate, which would come down on our little store like a ton of bricks, which would in turn cause the store manager to go through our computer records to find out who sold the thing, which would lead to the summary firing of that person in the hopes of appeasing the gods of Scholastic, one of the biggest publishers/distributors of children's books in America and thus fairly high on the list of Those Whom B&I Does Not, Under Any Circumstances, Wish To P*ss Off.  So, um, no.

The second were those people who didn't bother to reserve books for themselves, and when they turned up at the store Saturday afternoon, discovered we had no books to sell them.  "But the Other B-store and the Big Independent Bookstore and the Little Shopping Mall Bookstores are all out, too!  What am I supposed to tell my kid?"  Tell 'em we'll get a new shipment next week, sorry.  Then they'd ask for one of the reserved copies.  No, people had 48 hours to pick their reserved copies up, so check back Monday to see who got lazy.  But we have. no. copies. to. sell. right. now.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FoxPaws on November 19, 2008, 12:32:32 AM
Insurance Agent: I must insist on speaking with the customer directly.
Mom: If you can find a way to call Heaven please let me know. I would really like to speak to my father as well.
Reminds me of a story my mother told me about a widowed friend of hers. This lady kept getting calls for her husband from a particular company, despite telling them several times that he was deceased. Finally, in exasperation, she gave them the number to the cemetery and told them to ask for him there. Never heard from them again. ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Black Delphinium on November 19, 2008, 12:37:57 AM
Insurance Agent: I must insist on speaking with the customer directly.
Mom: If you can find a way to call Heaven please let me know. I would really like to speak to my father as well.
Reminds me of a story my mother told me about a widowed friend of hers. This lady kept getting calls for her husband from a particular company, despite telling them several times that he was deceased. Finally, in exasperation, she gave them the number to the cemetery and told them to ask for him there. Never heard from then again. ;D
slightly O/T, but in the same vein- My BFF Aidan died suddenly in 2002(he was 22, like me). Previously, he had lived at my current phone number(I inherited the number when SharedExRoommate moved to Ireland for grad school).
So, on election day a few weeks ago, I had unplugged my land line after being woken up by a "have you voted yet?" call from some organization or another(I wasn't paying attention to who, I was too sleepy). Around dinner time I plugged the phones back in, thinking the danger was over. Not 5 minutes later, the phone rang. The woman on the line was like "Hello, may I speak to Aidan Lastname please?". I, being more amused by this than I would have been six years ago, told her "I'm sorry, you need to update your records, he's been dead since 2002". She said thank you and hung up.  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: TychaBrahe on November 19, 2008, 01:00:39 AM
The last company I worked for sold food and restaurant equipment.  In the US (for those not in the know) many kitchen workers are Spanish speaking. 

We got a call once asking if we could provide our ordering software in Spanish.

Amazingly enough, we could, although it would take some work and an edict from on high to make it happen.  That's because every function and message and button in this program was not labeled with things like "Exit" and "New Order."  It was labeled with things like "&Close_Program" and "&New_Order".  There was another file in which &Close_Program would be tied to its text, so you could make it say "Salida" or "Cierre el programa" or even Lose-cay the-hay ogram-pray." 

All of which I explained.  We'd need permission, a translator, and about 40 hours.

Oh, but that's not what they wanted.  They wanted the PRODUCT DESCRIPTIONS translated into Spanish. 

The national product database was, at the time, about 520,000 products, every one of them described by a 30-character, 35-character, and 80-character description.  So they wanted us to add over 75 million bytes to our database, plus pay for the translator time. 

Sweetheart, that is SO not going to happen.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 19, 2008, 08:06:46 AM
Well I did have several library patrons expect me to type up their school reports and essays (usually plagarized straight from wikipedia), and even had a few adults provide the following conversation:

Patron: Hi, I'm looking for a job and someone told me I need a job sheet thing.
Me:  A resume?  Certainly, the books on writing resumes are over here on this shelf, and you're welcome to take up to an hour on the computer.  Although if nobody else needs it, I am able to extend your computer time somewhat.
Patron:  I don't type too good; can you do it for me?
Me:  Pardon?  Sorry, I'm not able to type your resume for you, but [opening a resume book] here are several excellent examples of resumes.  Pick one you like and go from there.
Patron:  [Looking at the example] But I didn't work in . . . uh, muh-DEE-kale transitions.  [Medical transcription, or whatever the example resume used]  Look, can't you just write my job sheet for me?
Me:  I'm sorry, I'm unable to do that.  Do you need help getting started in Microsoft Word?
Patron:  I don't do computers.  [getting frustrated]  Are you going to help me or not?  Don't you want me to get a job?
Me:  *headdesk*

I'm ferquently amazed at how many people confuse a library with some type of welfare/social organization. Or those who think they are personal secretaries.  My sis has a patron right now that she won't do anything for him besides check out books or give him a phone book.  He actually thing she (the head librarian at a college) would do all his research, make all his phone calls and, oh there was something else, but I can't remember now.

"But You're a LIBRARIAN!!!!!!  Librarians are SUPPOSED TO do this!!!!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on November 19, 2008, 08:28:52 AM
comment deleted by poster
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on November 19, 2008, 08:39:30 AM
Then EHC had the nerve to make the hotel into a Non-Smoking hotel. Which we were not allowed to tell guests. We were to tell guests that we only had one smoking room and it was occupied.

That's bizarre.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: emeraldsage85 on November 19, 2008, 09:40:04 AM
I work in a fast food restaurant that has both breakfast and lunch. Breakfast is from 6:00 am to 11:00 am. At 10:30 we start preparing for lunch so we'll be ready to go for 11:00. We also change the menu signs to the lunch signs.

I can't count the number of people who come in after 11:00 and throw a fit when there's no breakfast. Any leftover breakfast is wasted at 11:00 by the manager so there's nothing I can do about it. When I explain this they get angry at me.  ???

I've also had people ask for things which are no longer on the menu and get angry when I can't produce it magically from the kitchen. Corporate sets our menu and sometimes they discontinue things. This means that they no longer ship the ingrediants required to make them.

Some days I feel like yelling, "What do you want me do about it?! I'm crew! That means I'm the lowest in the hierarchy so I can't do anything about your complaints! Take the corporate number and go complain there."

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on November 19, 2008, 09:44:16 AM
Then EHC had the nerve to make the hotel into a Non-Smoking hotel. Which we were not allowed to tell guests. We were to tell guests that we only had one smoking room and it was occupied.

That's bizarre.

I know. For some reason, the hotel had this stupid policy of not telling guests No. We could not even say "that is not possible". I did not understand this at all.

I was also yelled at because I had the audacity of telling a guest that our soup was not made on site. We ordered it from another company who shipped it to us frozen. All we did was heat it up and put it in a bowl. But that was wrong.

You can see why I no longer work there.

Ginger
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FoxPaws on November 19, 2008, 10:28:13 AM
I know. For some reason, the hotel had this stupid policy of not telling guests No. We could not even say "that is not possible". I did not understand this at all.
I hate this. Our company has a "yes" policy, too. Apparently, it is wrong to truthfully tell a customer that you cannot complete their project in the (often unreasonable) turn around time requested. It's much better to lie and say yes, throw off the entire shift trying to get it done, fail, and make the customer so angry that the only way to appease them is to give them the expensive, time consuming job for free.  ::)

I'll never make management - I just can't bear to lose that much common sense.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: gibsongirl on November 19, 2008, 10:42:49 AM
Oh, yes, the old "we don't want to lose customers, so tell them we can do anything they want," ploy.

I worked at a frame warehouse.  We sold matboard, mat cutters, foamcore, glass, frames, frame hardware, and glue.

One customer was duplicitous, nearly bankrupt, and would avoid our driver like the plague if the driver wanted to pick up a check.  They ended up several tens of thousands of dollars in debt to us. 

But when they called up to order the order ALWAYS got filled.  Why?

"Because they're one of our BEST customers!!!  Their order always tops a thousand dollars!"

Um, no, they are stealing from you, and you are letting them...

They eventually did go under, and left the frame company with the debt.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Squeaks on November 19, 2008, 11:32:07 AM
I don't see how what we're doing is immoral.  We don't just pick and choose people to cancel for no reason.  We have rules and regulations we have to follow strictly, some are internal policies, some are handed down from the state.  In the latter example, we can't just decide not to follow those regulations unless we want to face major fines and potential legal action.  And I'm sorry, but paying your employees under the table isn't exactly "moral" either.  It's a lovely way to try to escape from taxes but it's also illegal and we can't get caught up in all of that.  I really don't see what else we should do in this situation.

It's immoral because you are hurting the employees, many of whom may very well be completely innocent parties.  Lets say boss has legal employees, and illegal, would not canceling an entire policy would leave the legal employees, who may not have know what was going on, let alone have any say or control in it, with no coverage, could that not create a gap in coverage and lead too all sorts of problems with insurance?  Seems sad that someone with chronic pain could potentially have to suffer daily the rest of their life due to their bosses lieing, and a law that punishes the innocent the same as the guilty.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 19, 2008, 11:50:47 AM


Yup!  Sure is!  I also had a call from a lady who wanted to know what the special events schedule was for JUNE already!  When I told her I don't yet have that calendar, she responded with, "Well that's not going to help me.  We need to make our reservations NOW!  I guess the Chamber doesn't plan very far in advance, eh?"  I told her that the people organizing the events (whatever they may be) do indeed plan quite far in advance, but don't let the Chamber know until closer to the time.  This is November.  Wanna know when our annual Christmas Tree Lighting is?  I've got that.  Need to know who's on the garden tour for June, when it is and how much it will cost?  Couldn't tell ya.  Sorry.  Try back in March/April-ish and I'll be a wealth of information.
Maybe it's just because we're in a tourist area, but I just got our Chamber's annual event calendar ... for 2010. It's always subject to updating, of course, but all major special events have already been allotted their datess for the next two calendar years. :D Your caller may have been used to a community where these things were planned out that far in advance.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: little bird on November 19, 2008, 12:30:53 PM
Quote
It's immoral because you are hurting the employees, many of whom may very well be completely innocent parties.  Lets say boss has legal employees, and illegal, would not canceling an entire policy would leave the legal employees, who may not have know what was going on, let alone have any say or control in it, with no coverage, could that not create a gap in coverage and lead too all sorts of problems with insurance?  Seems sad that someone with chronic pain could potentially have to suffer daily the rest of their life due to their bosses lieing, and a law that punishes the innocent the same as the guilty.

Did you miss the part where I posted that we do not have a choice in whether or not we cancel in this situation?  The labor commissioner ordered us to cancel the policy.  They do all of their research, they have to have lots of proof before they can tell an insurance carrier to cancel like this.  What the employer is doing is ILLEGAL.  There is no way around that.  They are already in huge amounts of trouble with the state.  They are going to be shut down, by the state.  This has nothing to do with us.  We can not cover a company that is operating illegally unless we want to be subject to huge fines and potential legal proceedings. 

All claims that they currently have open with us will be paid fully.  All claimants will be allowed to continue treatment until they are discharged.  We are still liable for any settlements due to disability ratings given.  If any employee is injured on the job before the cancellation is fully complete and they are shut down, we will cover that and all of their medical bills.  However, they're going to be shut down.  There will be nothing for us to cover.  No "innocent employee" is beng harmed by us.  Even if some are being paid legally (which I doubt, that's not common particularly in the industry this company is n) their employers, are using them horribly and putting their livelihoods in jeopardy by operating illegally.  All of the employees will have to find other jobs where they will hopefully have better employers who aren't tax-dodging and scamming. 

Workers' compensation insurance companies are not morally obligated to provide coverage to insureds who operate illegally. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 19, 2008, 12:37:08 PM
Quote
It's immoral because you are hurting the employees, many of whom may very well be completely innocent parties.  Lets say boss has legal employees, and illegal, would not canceling an entire policy would leave the legal employees, who may not have know what was going on, let alone have any say or control in it, with no coverage, could that not create a gap in coverage and lead too all sorts of problems with insurance?  Seems sad that someone with chronic pain could potentially have to suffer daily the rest of their life due to their bosses lieing, and a law that punishes the innocent the same as the guilty.

Did you miss the part where I posted that we do not have a choice in whether or not we cancel in this situation?  The labor commissioner ordered us to cancel the policy.  They do all of their research, they have to have lots of proof before they can tell an insurance carrier to cancel like this.  What the employer is doing is ILLEGAL.  There is no way around that.  They are already in huge amounts of trouble with the state.  They are going to be shut down, by the state.  This has nothing to do with us.  We can not cover a company that is operating illegally unless we want to be subject to huge fines and potential legal proceedings. 

All claims that they currently have open with us will be paid fully.  All claimants will be allowed to continue treatment until they are discharged.  We are still liable for any settlements due to disability ratings given.  If any employee is injured on the job before the cancellation is fully complete and they are shut down, we will cover that and all of their medical bills.  However, they're going to be shut down.  There will be nothing for us to cover.  No "innocent employee" is beng harmed by us.  Even if some are being paid legally (which I doubt, that's not common particularly in the industry this company is n) their employers, are using them horribly and putting their livelihoods in jeopardy by operating illegally.  All of the employees will have to find other jobs where they will hopefully have better employers who aren't tax-dodging and scamming. 

Workers' compensation insurance companies are not morally obligated to provide coverage to insureds who operate illegally. 
I was just reading through past answers and coming to the realization that you were workers' comp, not straight health insurance. Which makes a HUGE difference.

Even if your state's law wasn't as it is, no worker's comp insurer would ever pay on a claim for an illegal employee. So in a sense it would be immoral NOT to cancel the employer's policy. And if any employees are injured, the employer is still liable so the employee still has recourse. Worker's comp really protects employers as much (or more) than it does employees.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: little bird on November 19, 2008, 12:55:31 PM
Quote
I was just reading through past answers and coming to the realization that you were workers' comp, not straight health insurance. Which makes a HUGE difference.

:)  Exactly!  We're straight work comp, nothing else.  Although a lot of our claimants do seem to think we're their health insurance as well, given how many weird, completely-unrelated-to-their-industrial-injury bills we get (pregnancy tests for the claimant's girlfriend, prescriptions for birth control, they guy who submitted his cancer drug bills when his injury was an ankle sprain...)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: QueenfaninCA on November 19, 2008, 12:57:03 PM
I worked a day care once where the two year old teacher decided that she wanted a change of scenery. She and the four/five year old teacher decided that they would swap rooms for a year, with the directors OK.

Honestly, I would immediately pull my kid out of a day care that changes the primary caregiver for two-year olds without necessity. I can totally understand the mother who wanted to switch her kid back to the old teacher.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: LiveLoveLearn on November 19, 2008, 01:10:22 PM
I worked a day care once where the two year old teacher decided that she wanted a change of scenery. She and the four/five year old teacher decided that they would swap rooms for a year, with the directors OK.

Honestly, I would immediately pull my kid out of a day care that changes the primary caregiver for two-year olds without necessity. I can totally understand the mother who wanted to switch her kid back to the old teacher.

I think this switch occured during normal staff placement times; that makes perfect sense to me.  Early education encompases quite a few ages and a lot of preschools switch teachers up so that they can continue to get experience with the different ages relating to early education.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: BoBeaney on November 19, 2008, 01:20:12 PM
I've told this story before, but it's a 9/11 story and seemed semi appropriate for here.

Happened to a friend of mine who was staffing the reference desk at her library branch.

The phone rings on 9/12 and Crazy Woman starts in.

Crazy: My television doesn't work!
Friend: I'm sorry?
Crazy: My television stopped working yesterday morning!  I used to get (lists channels) and now I can only get one.  Why is my television not working?
Friend: Um, Ma'am, this is the library...
Crazy: My television set isn't working.
Friend: Do you have cable?
Crazy: No.  I have antenna on the roof.
Friend (takes deep breath): Okay, ma'am.  You know that two planes crashed into the World Trade Center yesterday and destroyed them, right?
Crazy: What does that have to do with my television?
Friend: Ma'am, there was a very powerful signal coming from the towers that transmitted television to antennas.
Crazy: When will they have it back up?
Friend: I don't know if they ever will, Ma'am.  The towers fell.  People are dead.
Crazy: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH MY PROGRAMS?
Friend: Ma'am, I am sure that the families of the approximately 3000 people who died would be happy to trade problems. *click*


My grandmother had cable and on 9/11 called whomever she could get a hold of that the news was interrupting her "soaps". One of the people she called was another relative of mine, who worked for the city and was trying to evacuate her job because it was thought to be a possible target. Said relative was also her daughter and wasn't surprised about the call.

Some people...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Squeaks on November 19, 2008, 01:23:14 PM
Quote
I was just reading through past answers and coming to the realization that you were workers' comp, not straight health insurance. Which makes a HUGE difference.

:)  Exactly!  We're straight work comp, nothing else.  Although a lot of our claimants do seem to think we're their health insurance as well, given how many weird, completely-unrelated-to-their-industrial-injury bills we get (pregnancy tests for the claimant's girlfriend, prescriptions for birth control, they guy who submitted his cancer drug bills when his injury was an ankle sprain...)

Gee now feel like the subjects of the post. I did miss it was worker's comp.  Your explanation of things makes a bit more sense now. I was honestly picturing the order coming in at 9:00 am and the employee trying to pick up their prescription that same day not being covered, and by the next day having an interruption in coverage that could cause things to be disallowed in the future, with no real way or time for them to do anything about it.  That did seem a bit harsh.  And while your industry may not see many combinations of legal and illegal, it does not seem that far fetched. For example, I could see an office legally employing their staff in office, but paying people under the table to do some data entry at home for instance.  It just seems there are a lot of jobs, that a combination is not that unlikely.  I have an ex that worked for under the table pay for about a month for the holidays in high school, the other employees were legal and normal, but they just paid him under for seasonal help.  Granted I am sure that would not likely be enough to get a place shut down. . .  it still happens.

Then again i guess in theory, if someone legit was injured on the job after the policy was can celled, I would think they could go after the boss anyway. 



Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: little bird on November 19, 2008, 01:34:53 PM
Quote
I was honestly picturing the order coming in at 9:00 am and the employee trying to pick up their prescription that same day not being covered, and by the next day having an interruption in coverage that could cause things to be disallowed in the future, with no real way or time for them to do anything about it. 

That would be really awful.  I actually have no idea how health insurance cancellations work, all of the rules are so different!  We do continue to pay out for all claimants injured while the policy is in force and any employee afterwards could go after the employer.  My state is very employee-friendly, they could probably get a really nice settlement, way more than they'd get out of us for paying their medical bills!

I believe that, in the state I work with, any amount of under-the-table pay not reported with a 1099 form (usually used for freelancers, independant contractors, etc.) is enough to get an employer into legal trouble.  But again, that's not my line of work so I may be wrong. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Squeaks on November 19, 2008, 01:54:16 PM

I believe that, in the state I work with, any amount of under-the-table pay not reported with a 1099 form (usually used for freelancers, independant contractors, etc.) is enough to get an employer into legal trouble.  But again, that's not my line of work so I may be wrong. 

Ohh I am sure they get in trouble.  I just suspect there is a point at which the trouble is more along the lines of stiff fees and penalties, before they get shut down completely. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on November 19, 2008, 02:23:08 PM
I've told this story before, but it's a 9/11 story and seemed semi appropriate for here.

Happened to a friend of mine who was staffing the reference desk at her library branch.

The phone rings on 9/12 and Crazy Woman starts in.

Crazy: My television doesn't work!
Friend: I'm sorry?
Crazy: My television stopped working yesterday morning!  I used to get (lists channels) and now I can only get one.  Why is my television not working?
Friend: Um, Ma'am, this is the library...
Crazy: My television set isn't working.
Friend: Do you have cable?
Crazy: No.  I have antenna on the roof.
Friend (takes deep breath): Okay, ma'am.  You know that two planes crashed into the World Trade Center yesterday and destroyed them, right?
Crazy: What does that have to do with my television?
Friend: Ma'am, there was a very powerful signal coming from the towers that transmitted television to antennas.
Crazy: When will they have it back up?
Friend: I don't know if they ever will, Ma'am.  The towers fell.  People are dead.
Crazy: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH MY PROGRAMS?
Friend: Ma'am, I am sure that the families of the approximately 3000 people who died would be happy to trade problems. *click*


My grandmother had cable and on 9/11 called whomever she could get a hold of that the news was interrupting her "soaps". One of the people she called was another relative of mine, who worked for the city and was trying to evacuate her job because it was thought to be a possible target. Said relative was also her daughter and wasn't surprised about the call.

Some people...

 :o

Going off on a tangent but my roommate in college at the time of the OK City bombings threw a full-on hissy fit because the coverage interrupted her favorite soap.  I was aghast, tried to tell her that people DIED but never quite got through to her.  She talked about it for WEEKS.  As in "poor me, the stupid news ruined my day..."  It was apalling.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 19, 2008, 02:30:36 PM
People do sometimes have trouble getting their head around the enormity of a really big disaster.

I was scheduled to fly to Pittsburgh on the afternoon of Sept. 11, 2001. My suitcase was actually packed and in my car while I was watching events unfold on TV.

It probably took a few hours for it to soak in that I wasn't going anywhere. I wasn't on the phone berating anyone, but it did take me a while to realize that the events on my TV were going to have an immediate impact on my life, and even though that impact was right, proper and understandable, I was still selfishly a little disappointed.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: sbagirl on November 19, 2008, 02:33:59 PM
My boss used to travel from PA to TX on a regular basis for business.  He liked to take a specific non-stop flight out and another one back, both on Airline A (he really preferred that airline and also hates it when he has to make connecting flights so non-stop is always the first choice).  At some point, when I went to book his next trip, I discovered that Airline A had discontinued  its non-stop flight to TX and the only other option was Airline B, which did not have a non-stop flight.  When I told him this, we had this conversation:

Me:   Airline A no longer flies non-stop to destination in TX.  Here are the other flight options.  What do you prefer?
Boss:   I want the flights I always take.
Me:   I know that, but Airline A no longer flies there.  Here are your other options.
Boss:   I don’t want them; I want my usual non-stop flights on Airline A.
Me:   I understand that, but those flights no longer exist, they are no longer on the schedule, they simply AREN’T anymore.
Boss:   But I want them.  What am I supposed to do?
Me:   I don't know - learn to fly a plane and get your license by next week?  Here are your options.
Boss:   Forget it – I don’t like any of the choices so I’ll just drive.
Me:   You’re going to drive all the way from PA to TX and back again just because you can’t get the non-stop flights you want?
Boss:   Yes.

He then left for the day.  I called the travel agent back and told her what flights to book.  The next morning, he came in and rather grumpily said “I decided not to drive; I guess I’ll take such & such flights.”

I smiled, handed him the itinerary and said “I knew you would so I booked the flights yesterday.  Here’s your itinerary.”

Can you tell we’ve worked together WAAAAAY too long?   :)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wazzer on November 19, 2008, 03:34:30 PM
I worked a day care once where the two year old teacher decided that she wanted a change of scenery. She and the four/five year old teacher decided that they would swap rooms for a year, with the directors OK.

Honestly, I would immediately pull my kid out of a day care that changes the primary caregiver for two-year olds without necessity. I can totally understand the mother who wanted to switch her kid back to the old teacher.

If the teacher wants to move to a new room, she's going to move or quit.   The daycare probably wanted to retain an experienced teacher.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: artk2002 on November 19, 2008, 05:38:40 PM
I worked a day care once where the two year old teacher decided that she wanted a change of scenery. She and the four/five year old teacher decided that they would swap rooms for a year, with the directors OK.

Honestly, I would immediately pull my kid out of a day care that changes the primary caregiver for two-year olds without necessity. I can totally understand the mother who wanted to switch her kid back to the old teacher.

It was done out of necessity.  It's just that the mother didn't think that it was necessary.  Schools switch teachers around between terms all of the time -- I would probably laugh at a parent who thought that they were entitled to have a particular teacher for their child.  Especially in this case -- it's a 2yo -- after three weeks the kid will have forgotten "Miss Susie."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: keelhaulrose on November 19, 2008, 06:11:00 PM
I worked a day care once where the two year old teacher decided that she wanted a change of scenery. She and the four/five year old teacher decided that they would swap rooms for a year, with the directors OK.

Honestly, I would immediately pull my kid out of a day care that changes the primary caregiver for two-year olds without necessity. I can totally understand the mother who wanted to switch her kid back to the old teacher.

There was a notice that went home two weeks before saying they were switching, then they'd switch for a couple hours a day, then a couple more, and over a two week period they transitioned to each others rooms. Their assistants remained in the old rooms, so there was a bit of consistency.

And a lot of day cares have high turnover rates, so many of them will switch teachers rooms for a while to give them something a little different and keep them from getting too frustrated and possibly quitting. I understand completely how constantly having to potty train 16 toddlers would wear on someone, and how changing gears for a year might be just what the teacher needed.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: merryns on November 19, 2008, 06:24:35 PM
Sometimes I wonder how these people get to their positions of authority.

The Dilbert principle.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: merryns on November 19, 2008, 06:28:18 PM
Very simple.  They have risen to their level of incompetency; also known as "The Peter Principle."

The Peter Principle is obsolete. We now live in a Dilbert Principle world where the competent people are held on to and consequently held back and the incompetent people are given good references and promotions to get rid of them. So we have pointy-haired bosses who were never any good at anything.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Miss Vertigo on November 19, 2008, 06:44:19 PM
Very simple.  They have risen to their level of incompetency; also known as "The Peter Principle."

The Peter Principle is obsolete. We now live in a Dilbert Principle world where the competent people are held on to and consequently held back and the incompetent people are given good references and promotions to get rid of them. So we have pointy-haired bosses who were never any good at anything.

Y'know, while the Dilbert Principle is clearly alive and kicking, I'm not so sure its predecessor is obsolete. Because today, I met the living embodiment of The Peter Principle. I actually met Peter, in action. Or non-action, as the case may be. I asked him for some information. He didn't know the answer. I then asked to see a supervisor. And he said, meekly and shakily, 'But... but I am the supervisor...' - and then just stared at me. Blankly. For so long that I had to say, 'Please stop staring at me'.

True story.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: JadeGirl on November 19, 2008, 06:53:51 PM
Very simple.  They have risen to their level of incompetency; also known as "The Peter Principle."

The Peter Principle is obsolete. We now live in a Dilbert Principle world where the competent people are held on to and consequently held back and the incompetent people are given good references and promotions to get rid of them. So we have pointy-haired bosses who were never any good at anything.

*sigh*

This is so true.  My boss gives me weirder and more way out reasons why I can't be promoted every time I approach the subject (at my mandated reviews).  Yet, I know there will be martyred expressions of surprise and anguish when I hand in my resignation.  I've sent out my CV and am just waiting for the right opportunity to present itself...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Reika on November 19, 2008, 07:10:46 PM
Have a couple more, one from last night and one from today.

First one, waaay back in July, a lady dropped her supplemental health coverage from family to individual, but didn't actually cancel the policy. She did this in writing. And now, 4 months later, she's insisting that she had written in to cancel the policy instead. As I asked for her patience to see what else she had sent in, maybe under a different policy since the one she gave me only had one letter, she started shrieking at me that it was because of me and other people like me that her kids won't have Christmas and that she hoped I would rot in hell.  ???

Then promptly hung up on me.  ::)

All the other notes out there said she became extremely verbally abusive, sometimes she became abusive just being asked for her info to bring up the policies she has. Emailed my supervisor who said they were aware of her and that steps were being taken to deal with her future calls.

A bit of background for my second call. My call center is open M-F 8 AM to 8 PM eastern, most our production areas like the ones that handle payment and billing close around 4:30 - 5:00 PM eastern time. Had one of our oh-so-charming agents calling up shrieking to talk to one of our people in billing about an ongoing issue regarding the bills for one of our groups. At 5:30 PM eastern. I told him they were likely gone for the evening, but I would try them anyway. Got the voicemail for every extension, including the supervisor, saying they were gone for the day. Offered to put him through to the sup's voicemail and I know she'd call him back tomorrow. Not good enough, offered to put him through to one of my supervisors who couldn't do anything except make sure the other supervisor called him back.

He hung up me. ::)

I swear, I'm not a horrible rep, 99% of my callers love me. The ones who don't...well they just don't I guess.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: merryns on November 19, 2008, 08:09:31 PM
Very simple.  They have risen to their level of incompetency; also known as "The Peter Principle."

The Peter Principle is obsolete. We now live in a Dilbert Principle world where the competent people are held on to and consequently held back and the incompetent people are given good references and promotions to get rid of them. So we have pointy-haired bosses who were never any good at anything.

Y'know, while the Dilbert Principle is clearly alive and kicking, I'm not so sure its predecessor is obsolete. Because today, I met the living embodiment of The Peter Principle. I actually met Peter, in action. Or non-action, as the case may be. I asked him for some information. He didn't know the answer. I then asked to see a supervisor. And he said, meekly and shakily, 'But... but I am the supervisor...' - and then just stared at me. Blankly. For so long that I had to say, 'Please stop staring at me'.

True story.

That's actually an example of the Dilbert principle. If he'd been great at doing X but was bad at supervising people doing X it would be the Peter principle; but you have provided evidence that he could not even do the underling job properly. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kareng57 on November 19, 2008, 08:33:27 PM
I worked a day care once where the two year old teacher decided that she wanted a change of scenery. She and the four/five year old teacher decided that they would swap rooms for a year, with the directors OK.

Honestly, I would immediately pull my kid out of a day care that changes the primary caregiver for two-year olds without necessity. I can totally understand the mother who wanted to switch her kid back to the old teacher.

There was a notice that went home two weeks before saying they were switching, then they'd switch for a couple hours a day, then a couple more, and over a two week period they transitioned to each others rooms. Their assistants remained in the old rooms, so there was a bit of consistency.

And a lot of day cares have high turnover rates, so many of them will switch teachers rooms for a while to give them something a little different and keep them from getting too frustrated and possibly quitting. I understand completely how constantly having to potty train 16 toddlers would wear on someone, and how changing gears for a year might be just what the teacher needed.


I agree that this mother was just expecting too much.  Daycares have a high enough turnover-rate anyway - no one could have guaranteed that her child would have the same teacher for a complete year, anyway.  And daycares aren't like public schools, where the "year" starts in August or September.  If a teacher wants to spend a year teaching a different-age - well, they've got to eventually pick a start-date.  From what you've said, it sounds as though they made a big effort for a smooth transition.  And if the teacher's request had been denied - well, quite possibly the two-year-old child would have had to adjust to a new teacher, anyway.  Young children often adjust much more easily than their parents think they will.

That being said - years ago when I was teaching Sunday School, we had a mother who was upset that her 4 year old daughter had a new teacher every six weeks (that was our regular rotation for each class).  "My child needs consistency!"  She honestly expected to have the same (volunteer, of course) teacher there for 40 Sundays out of the year. And did she ever volunteer herself? - you know the answer.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Miss Vertigo on November 19, 2008, 08:46:10 PM
Very simple.  They have risen to their level of incompetency; also known as "The Peter Principle."

The Peter Principle is obsolete. We now live in a Dilbert Principle world where the competent people are held on to and consequently held back and the incompetent people are given good references and promotions to get rid of them. So we have pointy-haired bosses who were never any good at anything.

Y'know, while the Dilbert Principle is clearly alive and kicking, I'm not so sure its predecessor is obsolete. Because today, I met the living embodiment of The Peter Principle. I actually met Peter, in action. Or non-action, as the case may be. I asked him for some information. He didn't know the answer. I then asked to see a supervisor. And he said, meekly and shakily, 'But... but I am the supervisor...' - and then just stared at me. Blankly. For so long that I had to say, 'Please stop staring at me'.

True story.

That's actually an example of the Dilbert principle. If he'd been great at doing X but was bad at supervising people doing X it would be the Peter principle; but you have provided evidence that he could not even do the underling job properly. 

No no, he was fine at doing the meat of the job, so to speak (this was a customer advisor in a government department where supervisors are 'on the floor' with the underlings, which is surely the best place for the Peter Principle to be in effect). He took my forms and processed them fine and did all the stuff that a customer adviser should be able to do, but when I asked a question that was clearly a bit over and above that, he flapped like a goldfish out of its bowl... and looked genuinely, genuinely terrified when I asked for a supervisor and he admitted he was the s supervisor. So, I'd say his level of incompetence is the supervisory role into which he seems to have been promoted because he was fine at the other stuff.

All conjecture of course, since I dealt with the guy for about half an hour, and am never likely to see him again  :)

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: iridaceae on November 20, 2008, 06:32:12 AM
When I lived in Wausau I was getting ready to go work at the hotel one night (night audit) and the power went out.  In fact, the power went out for the entire western half of the city- someone apparently rammed into a transformer with their car.  I hurried in in case they needed help.

The hotel was full of people telling us about our rotten service because we had no power. I pointed out to all of them that the power outage was more than just us- look outside and you'll see.   Two very Yuppyish females (the type that wander around with wine glasses so you know how sophisticated they are) told me that I was a terrible employee and they were going to see to it that I was fired for not making my maintenance man come in and get the electricity back on.

Tucson has a large wild coyote population. Some nights they just howl, and it doesn't take very many to make them seem like more than they are. I get calls when they do that from guests sometimes, demanding that I make the dogs they can hear shut up. I apologize and tell them it's actually coyotes. They want me to go make them shut up, too.  I had no idea I am actually Doctor Doolittle.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: WolfWay on November 20, 2008, 06:48:52 AM
Tucson has a large wild coyote population. Some nights they just howl, and it doesn't take very many to make them seem like more than they are. I get calls when they do that from guests sometimes, demanding that I make the dogs they can hear shut up. I apologize and tell them it's actually coyotes. They want me to go make them shut up, too.  I had no idea I am actually Doctor Doolittle.

They probably expect you to shoot or poison them.  :(
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: CosmicPossum on November 20, 2008, 02:07:52 PM
After lurking for over a year, this thread demanded that I add my impossible patron request.

I have a lovely intelligent patron who reads a wide variety of authours.  She just finished the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters and was reading some nonfiction about Egyptology; she then came in and wanted to read a biography of the well-known archaeologist Amelia Peabody Emerson!  I tried everyway I could think of to convince her that APE is a fictional character by Elizabeth Peters.  She said she knew about the Peters' series because she just finished reading them but she read an article that APE was a real person who wrote diaries that Peters used to write her series.  After 15 minutes, I had a line of patrons wanting attention so I told her that I would check on the matter and let her know what I found when she next came in.  She, of course, could not remember the magazine name or the title of the article.  I swear she must have being dreaming the whole thing.


REPLY TO #50 - I'm pretty sure I've read that Elizabeth Peters is an Egyptologist (maybe amateur), but I think she's written some non-fiction books on the subject.  May be what your patron was thinking about. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Squeaks on November 20, 2008, 02:16:14 PM
After lurking for over a year, this thread demanded that I add my impossible patron request.

I have a lovely intelligent patron who reads a wide variety of authours.  She just finished the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters and was reading some nonfiction about Egyptology; she then came in and wanted to read a biography of the well-known archaeologist Amelia Peabody Emerson!  I tried everyway I could think of to convince her that APE is a fictional character by Elizabeth Peters.  She said she knew about the Peters' series because she just finished reading them but she read an article that APE was a real person who wrote diaries that Peters used to write her series.  After 15 minutes, I had a line of patrons wanting attention so I told her that I would check on the matter and let her know what I found when she next came in.  She, of course, could not remember the magazine name or the title of the article.  I swear she must have being dreaming the whole thing.


REPLY TO #50 - I'm pretty sure I've read that Elizabeth Peters is an Egyptologist (maybe amateur), but I think she's written some non-fiction books on the subject.  May be what your patron was thinking about. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_Peters
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: LyraSilverose on November 20, 2008, 02:56:23 PM
Ooh, I've got one!  I answered the phone at the veterinary clinic I used to work for (I'd been there for at least 7 or 8 months at this point), and got to deal with this woman for over half an hour:

Me: Thank you for calling Suchandsuch Veterinary Hospital, this is Lyra, how can I help you?
Her: Yes, I'm out of town, but I need to refill my prescription, and the pharmacy says I don't have any refills left.  I've dealt with this before, and was told last time I called that I wouldn't have this problem anymore.  {can you tell she started out angry?}
Me: Could I get your last name please?  I'll look you up in our system.
Her: Myincrediblycomplicatedandlonglastname
Me: Could you spell that for me please?
Her: *annoyed sigh* {spells name}
{I spend several minutes tryint to pull her up in the system, with no luck}
Her: Look, could I just talk to Mary Rose?  She knows me.
Me: We don't have anyone by that name here, I'm sorry.
Her: Well, what about Susie?
Me: Sorry, no.
Her: Did you have a big turnover reacently?  I don't know you, either.
Me: Not that I'm aware of.  Are you sure you have the right number?
Her: Of course I am! (shouting)
Me: Here, let me try looking up your file in a different way.  What is your pet's name?
Her: What do you mean, my pet?  Why would that help?
Me: I'm just trying to find your file in our computer, sometimes it's easier to find under the pet's name than the owner's.  I really want to make sure your pet's prescription is filled for you.
Her: I don't have a pet!  I'm tryint to refill MY prescription. (screaming)
Me: Ma'am, you've reached Suchandsuch VETERINARY Hospital, we can't approve refills for human prescriptions.
Her: Well, you did it last time!
Me: I really think you've accidentially dialed the wrong number, we couldn't possibly have approved refills for your medications.
Her: I know what number I dialed!  You're just trying to cover your {explitive deleted} because you people screwed up again and didn't fix the proble the right way the first time!  Let me talk to Mary Rose right now!
Me: We really don't have anybody by that name working here, and as far as I know, we never have.  I really think you need to double check the number you dialed.
Her: Just tell the pharmacist here in Texas (I was located in California) that he should give me my medications!  That's all I want!
Me: Ma'am, I don't have the authority to do that for any prescription, and definately not one that did not originate from this practice.  You need to call your doctor's office.
Her: I did!  You just don't want to help me!
Me: This is a veterinary hospital, ma'am.  Unless you are the world's most inteligent Pekingese, this cannot possibly be your doctor's office.
Her: I demand to speak to your supervisor, right this instant.
Me: My office manager is currently on another line (true).  Would you like to hold for her?
Her: Yes, yes I would.  I'm going to tell her just how awful you are, and you'll be fired, just you wait and see!
Me: Please hold.

Note:  Our hold played a voiceover of various information about veterinary services, things we offered there, and important information about pet health.

I let my office manager know about the call, warned her what the woman wanted, and then sat back and watched as my office manager continued to tell this woman the very same thing: we cannot authorize refills on her prescription, and we are not her doctor's office, because we treat animals here, not humans.

This woman called us back three times that day, each time asked to speak to Mary Rose, and each time insisted that we could tell the pharmicist to refill her prescription, but we just didn't want to.  To this day I wonder if Mary Rose hadn't given her a wrong number deliberately just to get rid of her.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on November 20, 2008, 03:09:54 PM
"Yes, ma'am, I'd be happy to call in a new prescription. Now, did you need Frontline, or Advantage?"  >:D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: CosmicPossum on November 20, 2008, 03:14:09 PM
Well, I hope you'll give a pass to my parents who, 40 years ago on their first trip to Europe, stopped the car outside the gates of what they considered to be the most beautiful building they'd seen so far during their trip to Ireland. Although they wanted to tour it, they did leave, without protest, when a groundskeeper explained to them that, sorry, the mental asylum was NOT open for tours.... ;) 8)
A state mental health facility (asylum) in Tuscaloosa, AL (ROLL TIDE!  - a shout out on Uni of Alabama football if you're not in the US), is located in an old antebellum home.  The home and grounds are just beautiful and very popular for weddings!  I'm not sure if its still open or not.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: supernova on November 20, 2008, 03:20:55 PM
Ooh, I've got one!  I answered the phone at the veterinary clinic I used to work for (I'd been there for at least 7 or 8 months at this point), and got to deal with this woman for over half an hour:

(snip)

Me: This is a veterinary hospital, ma'am.  Unless you are the world's most inteligent Pekingese, this cannot possibly be your doctor's office.


I would like to be the first to offer my congratulations to you on keeping your temper in check enough to not call this woman a b...  erhh, female dog.  At least, not in a way so that she was able to understand.  :D

     - saphie
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MineralDiva on November 20, 2008, 05:41:29 PM
LOL @ "world's most intelligent Pekingese."  That's absolutely priceless!  And the fact that she wanted a Veterinary office to fill her human prescription...I'm rolling on the floor here with laughter! 

Hey!  I could use a little comic relief.  The Chamber of Commerce doesn't fill prescriptions either, but why don't you pass my number along?  When I get tired of her, I promise to pass her along!  I could have all KINDS of evil fun with this one!  (In between snow calls!  lol)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: extranormal on November 20, 2008, 06:56:33 PM
LOL @ "world's most intelligent Pekingese."  That's absolutely priceless!  And the fact that she wanted a Veterinary office to fill her human prescription...I'm rolling on the floor here with laughter! 

Hey!  I could use a little comic relief.  The Chamber of Commerce doesn't fill prescriptions either, but why don't you pass my number along?  When I get tired of her, I promise to pass her along!  I could have all KINDS of evil fun with this one!  (In between snow calls!  lol)

MineralDiva, it's getting dark too early here, so I can't get any yardwork done. Will you fix that, please? And I could use a refill on my prescription, and I'm not sure why my latest batch of biscuits turned out kind of flat, so I'll need you to do some research on the relative merits of six brands of baking powder. Oh, and my son could use some help with his math homework.

What? You're the Chamber of Commerce, aren't you? Doesn't that mean you have to attend to my every whim? Do it for your city, Diva.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MineralDiva on November 20, 2008, 06:59:17 PM
LOL @ "world's most intelligent Pekingese."  That's absolutely priceless!  And the fact that she wanted a Veterinary office to fill her human prescription...I'm rolling on the floor here with laughter! 

Hey!  I could use a little comic relief.  The Chamber of Commerce doesn't fill prescriptions either, but why don't you pass my number along?  When I get tired of her, I promise to pass her along!  I could have all KINDS of evil fun with this one!  (In between snow calls!  lol)

MineralDiva, it's getting dark too early here, so I can't get any yardwork done. Will you fix that, please? And I could use a refill on my prescription, and I'm not sure why my latest batch of biscuits turned out kind of flat, so I'll need you to do some research on the relative merits of six brands of baking powder. Oh, and my son could use some help with his math homework.

What? You're the Chamber of Commerce, aren't you? Doesn't that mean you have to attend to my every whim? Do it for your city, Diva.

strunkandwhite, you know I would move Heaven and Earth for you, dahling.  The moon you say?  Well...we don't exactly have a reciprocal agreement...but negotiations are ongoing.  Do stay tuned.  lol
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: elysabethe on November 20, 2008, 08:18:02 PM
I used to work as a rep at an inbound call center doing technical support, and I had all kinds of annoying customers.  Being a female techie in the mid-90s was something unusual--in my department there were 18 or so young guys and me.  I was the lone woman (and one of the oldest people in the department, at 27, as well) and I was shocked at the number of callers who thought I was just a secretary who would take the caller's name and information and then pass them on to the "real tech".  My least favorite was a woman whose tone changed shortly after I collected her information.

Me:  OK, now that we have your information squared away, what is it that I can assist you with today?
Her:  Oh, I thought I was going to get to speak with a technician.
Me:  I am the technician, ma'am.  What can I assist you with today?
Her:  I would like to speak with a gentleman.
Me:  I'm sorry ma'am, but I am unable to transfer your call.  I can assure you that I have as much technical knowledge as any person on our floor [or more, as I was promoted less than a month later] and I would like the opportunity to try to help you.
Her:  You can help me by letting me speak to a gentleman.

After a couple more go-rounds I finally told her she could hang up and try the lottery again and see if she got a hold of someone else.  She takes me up on the offer, and shortly my phone rings again.

Guess who.

Her:  PLEASE just let me speak with a gentleman.
Me:  OK, ma'am, the fact that you got back to me means that I am literally the only person here that is not already on a phone call.  Please give me a chance to try to assist you.
Her:  How about you have a gentleman call me back?

This is where I had to forcibly restrain myself from saying to her that this is a call center and there is no such thing as a gentleman working here.  We have GUYS.

[I did finally negotiate a deal in which she gave me five minutes of full cooperation and if I could not resolve her issue then I would have a "gentleman" call her back.  I won, and had her fixed before the four-minute-mark.]

I am so thankful more women are choosing technical/computer professions.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Black Delphinium on November 20, 2008, 08:21:58 PM
I am so thankful more women are choosing technical/computer professions.
Ironically, elysabethe, my DF has been teaching summer classes to try and get more girls into technical majors. He and his male office mate were apparently a very successful duo and the female undergrad who took office mate's shop last summer was afraid she'd not bring the same dynamic to the class(she had taken it when she was in HS).
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: supernova on November 20, 2008, 08:33:47 PM
elysabethe, I don't know if you like webcomics, but here's one that you could have written, based on that call:

http://queenofwands.net/d/20040324.html

WARNING:  Strong language!

The comic is arranged along a 'zigzag' pattern which is shown in the background; so follow along the line and read the panels in that order.

     - saphie
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: blarg314 on November 20, 2008, 08:40:08 PM

Quote
I have no idea what the fixation with "white" horses was. It was weird.

At age 13, I'm betting a Mercedes Lackey fan. She writes a fantasy series which features magical white telepathic horses. Just tell her the horse has to choose her before she can ride it. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: AmberBamber on November 20, 2008, 08:42:02 PM
Saphie, that comic was awesome. LOVED it!  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: blarg314 on November 20, 2008, 08:55:28 PM

EHC had bought out another brand and renovated all those hotels. With the old brand, they offered a free, full hot breakfast to all hotel guests. EHC only offered Continental Breakfast. (Continental Breakfast offered assorted breads, coffee, tea, juices, cereal, fruit, yogurt and milk. If you wanted a hot breakfast you had to order it and pay for it) Also EHC took away the free all-day coffee. The NERVE!

Anyway, I would get people asking me why the hotel did this. I don't know call Corporate in Chicago and ask them.

Then EHC had the nerve to make the hotel into a Non-Smoking hotel. Which we were not allowed to tell guests. We were to tell guests that we only had one smoking room and it was occupied.


Actually, I can see why the customers were peeved. If the last time they came to the hotel, they got a full breakfast, complimentary coffee and a smoking room, that's a fairly big change in service - and I'm betting the prices didn't go down, either.

But telling them to phone head office is the right response. They have a reasonable complaint, and you are sending them to the appropriate place to complain.


Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Reika on November 20, 2008, 09:26:38 PM

Quote
I have no idea what the fixation with "white" horses was. It was weird.

At age 13, I'm betting a Mercedes Lackey fan. She writes a fantasy series which features magical white telepathic horses. Just tell her the horse has to choose her before she can ride it. 

That's what I was thinking. Only at that age I knew that while as much as I wished Companions were real, alas I knew they were a work of fiction.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 20, 2008, 09:47:36 PM
I used to work as a rep at an inbound call center doing technical support, and I had all kinds of annoying customers.  Being a female techie in the mid-90s was something unusual--in my department there were 18 or so young guys and me.  I was the lone woman (and one of the oldest people in the department, at 27, as well) and I was shocked at the number of callers who thought I was just a secretary who would take the caller's name and information and then pass them on to the "real tech".  My least favorite was a woman whose tone changed shortly after I collected her information.

Me:  OK, now that we have your information squared away, what is it that I can assist you with today?
Her:  Oh, I thought I was going to get to speak with a technician.
Me:  I am the technician, ma'am.  What can I assist you with today?
Her:  I would like to speak with a gentleman.
Me:  I'm sorry ma'am, but I am unable to transfer your call.  I can assure you that I have as much technical knowledge as any person on our floor [or more, as I was promoted less than a month later] and I would like the opportunity to try to help you.
Her:  You can help me by letting me speak to a gentleman.

After a couple more go-rounds I finally told her she could hang up and try the lottery again and see if she got a hold of someone else.  She takes me up on the offer, and shortly my phone rings again.

Guess who.

Her:  PLEASE just let me speak with a gentleman.
Me:  OK, ma'am, the fact that you got back to me means that I am literally the only person here that is not already on a phone call.  Please give me a chance to try to assist you.
Her:  How about you have a gentleman call me back?

This is where I had to forcibly restrain myself from saying to her that this is a call center and there is no such thing as a gentleman working here.  We have GUYS.

[I did finally negotiate a deal in which she gave me five minutes of full cooperation and if I could not resolve her issue then I would have a "gentleman" call her back.  I won, and had her fixed before the four-minute-mark.]

I am so thankful more women are choosing technical/computer professions.




 :o ::) >:( :o ::) :(
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kareng57 on November 20, 2008, 10:07:38 PM
I used to work as a rep at an inbound call center doing technical support, and I had all kinds of annoying customers.  Being a female techie in the mid-90s was something unusual--in my department there were 18 or so young guys and me.  I was the lone woman (and one of the oldest people in the department, at 27, as well) and I was shocked at the number of callers who thought I was just a secretary who would take the caller's name and information and then pass them on to the "real tech".  My least favorite was a woman whose tone changed shortly after I collected her information.

Me:  OK, now that we have your information squared away, what is it that I can assist you with today?
Her:  Oh, I thought I was going to get to speak with a technician.
Me:  I am the technician, ma'am.  What can I assist you with today?
Her:  I would like to speak with a gentleman.
Me:  I'm sorry ma'am, but I am unable to transfer your call.  I can assure you that I have as much technical knowledge as any person on our floor [or more, as I was promoted less than a month later] and I would like the opportunity to try to help you.
Her:  You can help me by letting me speak to a gentleman.

After a couple more go-rounds I finally told her she could hang up and try the lottery again and see if she got a hold of someone else.  She takes me up on the offer, and shortly my phone rings again.

Guess who.

Her:  PLEASE just let me speak with a gentleman.
Me:  OK, ma'am, the fact that you got back to me means that I am literally the only person here that is not already on a phone call.  Please give me a chance to try to assist you.
Her:  How about you have a gentleman call me back?

This is where I had to forcibly restrain myself from saying to her that this is a call center and there is no such thing as a gentleman working here.  We have GUYS.

[I did finally negotiate a deal in which she gave me five minutes of full cooperation and if I could not resolve her issue then I would have a "gentleman" call her back.  I won, and had her fixed before the four-minute-mark.]

I am so thankful more women are choosing technical/computer professions.




Actually, I think I'd have been tempted to transfer her to a "gentleman" in a completely unrelated department - such as Accounting or perhaps Stores - since the customer was so convinced that a man would automatically be more knowledgeable.

But it sounds as though you did well...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Shea on November 21, 2008, 12:19:25 AM

Quote
I have no idea what the fixation with "white" horses was. It was weird.

At age 13, I'm betting a Mercedes Lackey fan. She writes a fantasy series which features magical white telepathic horses. Just tell her the horse has to choose her before she can ride it. 

I wish my old horse had in fact been telepathic. I probably wouldn't have had to spend so much of my time trying to calm her down when she flipped out at the scary horse-eating deer, squirrels, rocks, leaves, grass, invisible monsters pretending to be the wind, etc ::).
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: iridaceae on November 21, 2008, 12:46:41 AM
I worked at a major internet service provider as tech support, and I did get people- usually women- who demanded a male tech.  Sometimes the male techs would overhear you talking to the person (or read your comments in the team chatroom) and offer to take the call.  Then they would act like a dummy. "Well, I don't know anything about fixing X, let me ask Susie [the female tech they had just taken the call from]; she's the expert and she'll know. Hey, Susie..."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Polly on November 21, 2008, 07:26:24 AM
My favourite customer last spring was a lady who wanted her mare to become covered by a certain stallion. I told her it wouldn't be possible because he died last year, but offered her to look for one of his sons or - perhaps even more suiting for her mare - one of his nephews.

Me: "I'd take Stallion R. for your mare. He's a son of the sister of the stallion you actually wished and .... a lot of blubber about his merits."
She: "Is he black?"
Me: "No, he's brown."
She: "So I won't get a black foal from him, will I?"
Me: "Well, with your mare being a chestnut who was only having chestnut foals until now it's unlikely to get a black foal ..."
She: "But the stallion I actually wanted was black, wasn't he?"
Me: "Yes, but nevertheless you probably wouldn't have gotten a black foal from him and your mare. He wasn't homozygous black."
She: "How do you know?"
Me: "His sister is a chestnut too."
She: "But he was black!"
Me: "Of course, he was - but him having a sister who is a chestnut means that he wasn't homozygous black. Besides around 75 % of his children are brown."
She: "But he was black and he had black children!"
Me: "Yes, there are black foals of him, but ..."
She: "You have a black son of him, haven't you?"
Me: "Yes, my dressage horse is a son of him and he's black."
She: "Then I want you to cover my mare with him. I insist on her getting him."
Me: "You know, there's one son of your dream stallion who's black and was having a black mother too - with him the chances to get a black foal are pretty high ..."
She: "I want your horse for my mare!"
Me: "You can't have mine. But why don't you try this black son ..."
She (now sounding rather furious): "Why don't you want to let my mare become covered by your black stallion?"
Me: "Because he isn't a stallion anymore!"
She: "What do you mean with that?"
Me: "My boy is a gelding."
She: "So what? I want to have a foal from him."

Sycorax
"That was the moment my jaw dropped ..."

Oh my goodness. Wow. Just wow.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Tabris on November 21, 2008, 07:30:51 AM

Quote
I have no idea what the fixation with "white" horses was. It was weird.

At age 13, I'm betting a Mercedes Lackey fan. She writes a fantasy series which features magical white telepathic horses. Just tell her the horse has to choose her before she can ride it. 

My daughter has never touched Mercedes Lackey and *she* is fixated on white horses. I think they trigger the "unicorn" neuron and girls think they're automatically better.  (Every horse my daughter has ridden has been brown, btw.)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Lauren on November 21, 2008, 07:46:11 AM
Quote
Insurance has its own special snowflakes............some of them you can tell are special snowflakes to the rest of the bloody world - others might just be rude to us artificial intelligences on the other end of the telephone or computer connection.............

God tell me about it. I work for a company that does a lot of insurance work. It always amazes me how many people want us to do work on one car and put the registration of a different vehicle on the invoice. The first time I was asked that question, I didn't realise why. The branch manager who I called to ask that made sure I understand very quickly why we wouldn't do that. Now I'm in a branch it amazes me how many people will ask that question. I usually just do a blank stare with 'No, that would be fraud' The ones who claim that its not for insurance fraud must think I'm stupid. Its become such a problem, my company now has a policy that if a customer asks us this and tells us the insurance company, we're to call the insurance company and inform them. I take great pleasure in this.

At my job, we have two very special customers that come in regurally.

1. The customer who dosen't understand that if we don't have the glass it can take up to two weeks to get it. There are three branches in my state and our warehouse is on the other side of the country. If the three branches don't have it, and the car companies don't have it in stock, we're stuck. We will do everything we can to help you (we do temp glazing on side windows, sadly rear w/s the customer is just plain out of luck. We have had customers leave cars with us for a couple of weeks before and we're quite happy to do this) but we really have no other alternative. Very few airlines fly glass. The ones that do, won't fly over a certain size (which means once again, that people with a broken rear screen are out of luck) Screaming at me to get it now is not going to happen.

2. The people who have a broken windscreen and have to have it done right this INSTANT. We're extreemly busy, thankfully we now have enough workers so we've generally booking a day in advance (last year it was three to four days) but if you call me at 4pm you're out of luck. Yes, we are open 24 hours, but you have to pay for this service outside of business hours. Extra special points to the customers who have their windows broken five days previously but need it done right this second.

People also need to realise that if you have a luxury car, or a special windscreen (most newer cars now have rain sensors, light sensors, heaters the whole shebang) you might need to bring it into my branch. Why would you spend $200,000 on a Porsche/BMW/Jaguar/Rolls Royce/Merc and so on and want it done in your front driveway? Would you use a mobile mechanic on that car?

I also want to thank everyone for discussin the Peter Principle. I've never understood it but it makes perfect sense for my old and new manager! They've been promoted to their level of incompetence! (the exact term my mum used last night and went straight over my head)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on November 21, 2008, 07:50:24 AM

EHC had bought out another brand and renovated all those hotels. With the old brand, they offered a free, full hot breakfast to all hotel guests. EHC only offered Continental Breakfast. (Continental Breakfast offered assorted breads, coffee, tea, juices, cereal, fruit, yogurt and milk. If you wanted a hot breakfast you had to order it and pay for it) Also EHC took away the free all-day coffee. The NERVE!

Anyway, I would get people asking me why the hotel did this. I don't know call Corporate in Chicago and ask them.

Then EHC had the nerve to make the hotel into a Non-Smoking hotel. Which we were not allowed to tell guests. We were to tell guests that we only had one smoking room and it was occupied.


Actually, I can see why the customers were peeved. If the last time they came to the hotel, they got a full breakfast, complimentary coffee and a smoking room, that's a fairly big change in service - and I'm betting the prices didn't go down, either.

 But telling them to phone head office is the right response. They have a reasonable complaint, and you are sending them to the appropriate place to complain.




Yes, you are correct. Because of the changes to the hotel and the room upgrades, we charged about $50 MORE per night than the old brand did.

But the new brand also just spent 1.4M renovating the hotel, so the price was justified IMO.

I told the GM at one point that Corp. screwed up by not having smoking rooms and they should have some, but charge MORE per room. People would pay it just so they wouldn't have to go all the way outside. Annoying when you have a 6th floor room.

Ginger

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on November 21, 2008, 07:58:23 AM
The ones who claim that its not for insurance fraud must think I'm stupid.

I would love to hear someone's explanation of why this isn't insurance fraud.  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FoxPaws on November 21, 2008, 08:01:56 AM
I worked at a major internet service provider as tech support, and I did get people- usually women- who demanded a male tech. 
Naughty FoxPaws would be tempted to say, "Ma'am this is not that kind of service!!" in a shocked, horrified tone and slam down the phone. >:D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on November 21, 2008, 08:04:15 AM
I worked at a major internet service provider as tech support, and I did get people- usually women- who demanded a male tech. 
Naughty FoxPaws would be tempted to say, "Ma'am this is not that kind of service!!" in a shocked, horrified tone and slam down the phone. >:D

Bwah ha ha ha!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Emmy on November 21, 2008, 08:38:44 AM
I used to work at a casual sit down restaurant which was known for their ice-cream.  My job was to handle the take out window and prepare the ice-cream dishes.  One day the phone rings and I answer it.

Crazy Man (CM):  Hello, was there a woman named 'Melinda' who dined in your restaurant about an hour ago.
Me:  Sorry, sir, I work in the back and would have no way of knowing that.
CM:  Well could you ask around and find out.
Me:  I'm sorry sir, it's busy here and I don't have time to track down the waitstaff and find out.  Besides, I don't think they would have anyway of knowing a customer's name.
CM:  Well I really need to know if she was there
Me:  I am afraid I am unable to help you.
CM:  What is your name?
Me:  Emmy
CM:  Well, Emmy, you've been most unhelpful and I am going to file a complaint about you.

Fortunately nobody ever mentioned the complaint if he did file one.  I hope for Melinda's sake that he didn't find her  :P.  I mean really, does this guy expect me drop what I'm doing to ask every waiter/waitress the names of the customers they had an hour ago.  Most of the time a waiter/waitress doesn't even know the names of their patrons except for the regulars.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on November 21, 2008, 08:50:35 AM
I used to work at a casual sit down restaurant which was known for their ice-cream.  My job was to handle the take out window and prepare the ice-cream dishes.  One day the phone rings and I answer it.

Crazy Man (CM):  Hello, was there a woman named 'Melinda' who dined in your restaurant about an hour ago.
Me:  Sorry, sir, I work in the back and would have no way of knowing that.
CM:  Well could you ask around and find out.
Me:  I'm sorry sir, it's busy here and I don't have time to track down the waitstaff and find out.  Besides, I don't think they would have anyway of knowing a customer's name.
CM:  Well I really need to know if she was there
Me:  I am afraid I am unable to help you.
CM:  What is your name?
Me:  Emmy
CM:  Well, Emmy, you've been most unhelpful and I am going to file a complaint about you.

Fortunately nobody ever mentioned the complaint if he did file one.  I hope for Melinda's sake that he didn't find her  :P.  I mean really, does this guy expect me drop what I'm doing to ask every waiter/waitress the names of the customers they had an hour ago.  Most of the time a waiter/waitress doesn't even know the names of their patrons except for the regulars.



THe scary thing, Emmy, is that the customers actually DO expect people just to drop everything and ask the whole restaurant if "Melinda" is there.

Ginger
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Tabris on November 21, 2008, 09:04:19 AM
I used to work at a casual sit down restaurant which was known for their ice-cream.  My job was to handle the take out window and prepare the ice-cream dishes.  One day the phone rings and I answer it.

Crazy Man (CM):  Hello, was there a woman named 'Melinda' who dined in your restaurant about an hour ago.
Me:  Sorry, sir, I work in the back and would have no way of knowing that.
CM:  Well could you ask around and find out.

I would probably have asked WHY CM wanted to know. Did Melinda leave her hat? Is Melinda wanted on ten counts of terrorism? etc.  Sadly, I can see some people calling and doing something like that when what they really wanted to say was, "Did a customer leave her scarf in a booth?" and instead first establish that the customer was there at all.

If he's just a stalker trying to track down the woman he dated once eight years ago, of course, he woudln't be able to give an explanation...

Fantasy response: I just asked, and we had eight Melindas, two Melissas and a Linda. Shall I detain them all until you arrive?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: thebeckster on November 21, 2008, 09:12:13 AM
I worked at a bank branch, and had just transferred to that office. A man called and asked if his father had been in. I told him I would ask, but since the office was pretty busy, we may not know. I asked around and everyone said "Oh, no, he hasn't been in yet." I was a little surprised that EVERYONe knew him.

Until my first encounter. Then I understood.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Itza on November 21, 2008, 09:12:57 AM
I worked at a major internet service provider as tech support, and I did get people- usually women- who demanded a male tech.  Sometimes the male techs would overhear you talking to the person (or read your comments in the team chatroom) and offer to take the call.  Then they would act like a dummy. "Well, I don't know anything about fixing X, let me ask Susie [the female tech they had just taken the call from]; she's the expert and she'll know. Hey, Susie..."

That was nice of them  :)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MC Clapyohanz on November 21, 2008, 09:47:39 AM
I worked at a bank branch, and had just transferred to that office. A man called and asked if his father had been in. I told him I would ask, but since the office was pretty busy, we may not know. I asked around and everyone said "Oh, no, he hasn't been in yet." I was a little surprised that EVERYONe knew him.

Until my first encounter. Then I understood.

Now I want to hear the story about this guy! :)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: marcel on November 21, 2008, 09:56:15 AM
I worked at a bank branch, and had just transferred to that office. A man called and asked if his father had been in. I told him I would ask, but since the office was pretty busy, we may not know. I asked around and everyone said "Oh, no, he hasn't been in yet." I was a little surprised that EVERYONe knew him.

Until my first encounter. Then I understood.

Now I want to hear the story about this guy! :)
me too
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: VorFemme on November 21, 2008, 10:47:58 AM
I worked at a bank branch, and had just transferred to that office. A man called and asked if his father had been in. I told him I would ask, but since the office was pretty busy, we may not know. I asked around and everyone said "Oh, no, he hasn't been in yet." I was a little surprised that EVERYONe knew him.

Until my first encounter. Then I understood.

Now I want to hear the story about this guy! :)
me too

He must have been truly memorable.............and I wanna read the story, too!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: marcel on November 21, 2008, 11:58:10 AM
While waitin for the beckster, here is a storie from when I worked for a circus.

When the circus came to a new town we would hand out tickets to officials, reporters, sponsors etc. for the first show, to get some publicity and not have an empty tent the first evening. We would also give some tickets to radio stations to give to their listeners.

This time the day we had our first show there was a storm, force 9 beaufort, predicted to grow to 10 or more, this means we cannot have a circus show in a tent, which might blow away at force 9 or over.
Most people realized this and called in advance to ask if the show would go on, some people just didn't show up, and we had local radio stations broadcasting that the show was cancelled. For those people that showed up anyway, we were standing out on the parking lot (in storm and rain >:()explaining to them that the show was cancelled.
For people that had tickets for this show we had to following offer: People with free tickets could come back the next day or the day after that with the same tickets to visit the show.
People with paid tickets could get their money back or come to a show anytime over the next 3 weeks that we were in that town.
Everybody understood, but one couple that had won tickets on a radio show.

Conversation on the parking lot (this was 7 years ago and in German so this is not a literal transcript ;)) :
Me: Good evening, are you here for tonights circus.
Him: Yes we are
me: I am sorry to inform you that our show has been cancelled due to the storm.
him: why?
me: our show is in a tent, and we cannot guarantee its safety in wind 9 or more.
him: but we drove all the way from .... 40 km away to see this show.
me: I am sorry about that, but you can come visit our show tomorrow or the day after that.
him: We cannot come another day, can we have our money back?
me: off course, if you give me your tickets I'll get your money for you.
him: (hands over tickets)
me: (after looking at tickets) I am sorry sir, but these are free tickets.
him: so?
me: Well, since you didn't pay for them, I can't give you any money for them.
him: But they are worth €70,--. (so he did check the prize for a ticket)
me: Where did you get these tickets (sometimes people sell free tickets)
him: I won them on a radio show
me: So you didn't pay anything for them and I can't give you any money for them.
him: But the radio station paid for them.
me: no they didn't, we gave the tickets to the station (does anybody belive radio stations pay for the prizes they hand out)
him: But if I can't use them I want money for them.
me: You can use them, I can give you tickets for any other show while we are in town.
him: But I don't want to drive down here again, can't you just give me have the price of the tickets.
me: since we never received any money for these tickets (shows them tickets and price where it says €0,00) as you can see at the price here, I can't give you any money back.
continuing for 5 minutes untill they asked to speak to my manager with whom they discussed for another 15 minutes
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Mel on November 21, 2008, 12:04:02 PM
I love this thread!   ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Bathing One on November 21, 2008, 12:04:44 PM
Well, I hope you'll give a pass to my parents who, 40 years ago on their first trip to Europe, stopped the car outside the gates of what they considered to be the most beautiful building they'd seen so far during their trip to Ireland. Although they wanted to tour it, they did leave, without protest, when a groundskeeper explained to them that, sorry, the mental asylum was NOT open for tours.... ;) 8)
A state mental health facility (asylum) in Tuscaloosa, AL (ROLL TIDE!  - a shout out on Uni of Alabama football if you're not in the US), is located in an old antebellum home.  The home and grounds are just beautiful and very popular for weddings!  I'm not sure if its still open or not.

Perfect for those couples whose families say, "You are CRAZY for getting married!"

(no offense intended for those who are dealing with mental issues or spouses)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on November 21, 2008, 12:15:13 PM
Something tells me that the reason why the Beckster's customer was so memorable had nothing to do with him being charming and polite.

(And I hope I'm wrong.)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Adoptstrays on November 21, 2008, 01:40:27 PM
Many years ago I worked at the DMV. Worst job I've ever had. People hated me on sight just because I sat on the other side. I lasted a year and was so happy on my last day that I thew MYSELF a party, LOL.

I could probably write a book but here is my most memorable customer story.

One day I was working the drivers license renewal window. An elderly woman came up and said she wanted to renew her husband's drivers license. I politely (I swear) told her that he needed to come in himself to do it. Of course she didn't understand why so I tried to explain that we needed to take his picture, among other things. She told me to just use his old picture. Okaaaaaaay....I then told her he needed to take his eye test in order to renew. She then told me that she could take it for him.......because she had brought his glasses.  :o

She never did understand why she couldn't get it done that way and left grousing about what a rotten and rude person I was.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 21, 2008, 01:46:20 PM
Vuebird, I think people go into the DMV expecting a bad experience and it turns out to be a self-fulfulling prophecy.  :-\

That said, I must say our local drivers' license office is actually a pretty nice place. The staff is over-the-top courteous - in a good way, they seem to make a game of it. One of the (now retired) examiners was a talented artist and his artwork is still hanging all over the walls - portraits of local leaders and NASCAR drivers (some of whom are local as well, of course.) And they are extremely  focused on getting people in and out quickly. So I can honestly say ... I LOVE the DMV! :D

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Josiepug on November 21, 2008, 02:07:11 PM
While waitin for the beckster, here is a storie from when I worked for a circus.

When the circus came to a new town we would hand out tickets to officials, reporters, sponsors etc. for the first show, to get some publicity and not have an empty tent the first evening. We would also give some tickets to radio stations to give to their listeners.

This time the day we had our first show there was a storm, force 9 beaufort, predicted to grow to 10 or more, this means we cannot have a circus show in a tent, which might blow away at force 9 or over.
Most people realized this and called in advance to ask if the show would go on, some people just didn't show up, and we had local radio stations broadcasting that the show was cancelled. For those people that showed up anyway, we were standing out on the parking lot (in storm and rain >:()explaining to them that the show was cancelled.
For people that had tickets for this show we had to following offer: People with free tickets could come back the next day or the day after that with the same tickets to visit the show.
People with paid tickets could get their money back or come to a show anytime over the next 3 weeks that we were in that town.
Everybody understood, but one couple that had won tickets on a radio show.

Conversation on the parking lot (this was 7 years ago and in German so this is not a literal transcript ;)) :
Me: Good evening, are you here for tonights circus.
Him: Yes we are
me: I am sorry to inform you that our show has been cancelled due to the storm.
him: why?
me: our show is in a tent, and we cannot guarantee its safety in wind 9 or more.
him: but we drove all the way from .... 40 km away to see this show.
me: I am sorry about that, but you can come visit our show tomorrow or the day after that.
him: We cannot come another day, can we have our money back?
me: off course, if you give me your tickets I'll get your money for you.
him: (hands over tickets)
me: (after looking at tickets) I am sorry sir, but these are free tickets.
him: so?
me: Well, since you didn't pay for them, I can't give you any money for them.
him: But they are worth €70,--. (so he did check the prize for a ticket)
me: Where did you get these tickets (sometimes people sell free tickets)
him: I won them on a radio show
me: So you didn't pay anything for them and I can't give you any money for them.
him: But the radio station paid for them.
me: no they didn't, we gave the tickets to the station (does anybody belive radio stations pay for the prizes they hand out)
him: But if I can't use them I want money for them.
me: You can use them, I can give you tickets for any other show while we are in town.
him: But I don't want to drive down here again, can't you just give me have the price of the tickets.
me: since we never received any money for these tickets (shows them tickets and price where it says €0,00) as you can see at the price here, I can't give you any money back.
continuing for 5 minutes untill they asked to speak to my manager with whom they discussed for another 15 minutes


I work at a concert arena. I swear we have a conversation like that almost weekly. It usually involves someone trying to get us to refund tickets they won from a radio station because their cat is sick or some other stupid reason. The best are the people that buy tickets from scalpers. Why? why? why? - we would have sold you that same blasted ticket for a lot less and you would now be in the show and not yelling at me because the guy sold you bogus tickets or cancelled the order himself prior to the show. I love listening to those stories. It usually starts out with them insisting that they bought the tickets from us.

Me: Ok give me the credit card you purchased the tickets with and I'll look up your account.
Customer: Oh, it's at home ,the cat ate it, etc.
Me: Ok -maybe I can look it up by the name on the credit card.
Customer: I'm not sure of the name. I actually got these tickets from someone my husband works with.
Me: So you don't have the credit card or know the name of your husband's work buddy.
Customer: No.
Me: Did you buy these tickets from a scalper?
Customer: No I bought them from a very good friend, I mean they were given to me by a good friend and I can't remember her name.
Me: I thought you husband's work friend was a he? Listen - I know you bought these from a scalper. You don't have to admit it. There is nothing I can do to help you other than let you buy more seats.
Customer: You are ruining my childs life!!! You evil witch! I am going to call the newspaper, the police, etc.
Me: You go right ahead. There is still nothing I can do but sell you more tickets.

Sometimes they'll actually go ahead and buy tickets, other times we have to get security to escort them off the premises when they become to hostile.  That exchange was a combination of some of the best fights I've had. To top it off we had a scalper call and request a refund after the show last week because the tickets he had illegally sold to a couple could not be used. ((headdesk))
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Martienne on November 21, 2008, 02:11:25 PM

:::snigger::: W. Goldman has abridged this classic by omitting over 100 pages of the original. If anyone has an available copy of the original by S. Morgenstern or knows somewhere to get it please email me!!! I would be much abliged. Thank You Very Much!

Oh, dear.   ::)

Well....at least they're reading books?   8)

I'm now crying for the future of humanity.  :'(

I hope some of them are joking.

Hey, now this isn't fair. You do know that there are those of us who first encountered this story at a vulnerable age where a child believes anything they are told, don't you? I'd loved the story since I saw the movie when I was seven and read the book multiple times throughout my teen years. I was twenty when I decided to do a Google search to find out when the rest of the sequel would be published (the first chapter of which I read in the new edition I had just been given as a gift).

I was devastated! I think I actually went through the five stages of grief over that news!  :D :o :P The denial stage was pretty fierce.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on November 21, 2008, 02:15:50 PM

:::snigger::: W. Goldman has abridged this classic by omitting over 100 pages of the original. If anyone has an available copy of the original by S. Morgenstern or knows somewhere to get it please email me!!! I would be much abliged. Thank You Very Much!

Oh, dear.   ::)

Well....at least they're reading books?   8)

I'm now crying for the future of humanity.  :'(

I hope some of them are joking.

Hey, now this isn't fair. You do know that there are those of us who first encountered this story at a vulnerable age where a child believes anything they are told, don't you? I'd loved the story since I saw the movie when I was seven and read the book multiple times throughout my teen years. I was twenty when I decided to do a Google search to find out when the rest of the sequel would be published (the first chapter of which I read in the new edition I had just been given as a gift).

I was devastated! I think I actually went through the five stages of grief over that news!  :D :o :P The denial stage was pretty fierce.

It's amusing to me because half of the reviews are demanding the Morgenstern edition, and the other half are trying to explain that there is no Morgenstern edition. You'd think that they would have read a few reviews before posting their own.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: DragonKitty on November 21, 2008, 02:29:49 PM
Ok, I've got to post this before going back and catching up on pages since the last time.

Co-irker comes over carrying her laptop.  This is the one that thinks that computers work in real life like they do on TV.

CW: I was taking notes in a meeting last month and now I can't find the file.
Me: Ok, what name did you save it under?
CW:  Oh, I never really saved it.  But I'm sure you can recover it, can't you?
Me:   ???  ???

She actually spent all that time typing, but then just shut off her computer, not paying attention to the popup screens.  And expects me to find a file that never existed in the first place.  I had her check the "temp" subdirectory on the off-chance, but no go.

The scary thing is, she will do this again.  This is not the first time, but she does not seem to get the concept that you have to save a file to find it later.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Elle on November 21, 2008, 02:51:49 PM
That last one made my head hurt
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: gibsongirl on November 21, 2008, 02:57:59 PM
That last one made my head hurt

Me too...especially as I once had to explain the concept of "drag and drop" to my VERY technically illiterate mother...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 21, 2008, 03:05:11 PM
Ok, I've got to post this before going back and catching up on pages since the last time.

Co-irker comes over carrying her laptop.  This is the one that thinks that computers work in real life like they do on TV.

CW: I was taking notes in a meeting last month and now I can't find the file.
Me: Ok, what name did you save it under?
CW:  Oh, I never really saved it.  But I'm sure you can recover it, can't you?
Me:   ???  ???

She actually spent all that time typing, but then just shut off her computer, not paying attention to the popup screens.  And expects me to find a file that never existed in the first place.  I had her check the "temp" subdirectory on the off-chance, but no go.

The scary thing is, she will do this again.  This is not the first time, but she does not seem to get the concept that you have to save a file to find it later.
There is hope. :D

I had a similar co-worker problem. We use a proprietary program wrapped around a heavily-modified version of MSWord at work, that for some reason unknown to anyone but the Tech Gawds, saves and closes files in a completely different manner. If you try to handle files the way you handle them in normal Word, you accomplish nothing - except that you get a little popup that says: Your file has not been saved. Do you want to save your file? and if you click "Yes, I want to save this file" you are directed to the button that actually saves the file. If you didn't do it this way, the file MAY be saved as a normal Word file with formatting, meaning you'd have to completely retype it.  :-[ Or it may just go away never to be heard from again.

I had a co-worker who just could not handle this, and I'd have to listen to his panicked squawks at least twice a week. "It's gone!" "Did you save it?" "YES!" Well, no he didn't. It took a couple of weeks for him to understand that he had to click ""Yes, I want to save this file," and THEN we had to pound it into his head that he also had to click the flashing yellow button that said "SAVE" in big black letters.

Eventually the problem solved itself .... he didn't pass probation.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Twik on November 21, 2008, 03:10:32 PM
Ok, I've got to post this before going back and catching up on pages since the last time.

Co-irker comes over carrying her laptop.  This is the one that thinks that computers work in real life like they do on TV.

CW: I was taking notes in a meeting last month and now I can't find the file.
Me: Ok, what name did you save it under?
CW:  Oh, I never really saved it.  But I'm sure you can recover it, can't you?
Me:   ???  ???

She actually spent all that time typing, but then just shut off her computer, not paying attention to the popup screens.  And expects me to find a file that never existed in the first place.  I had her check the "temp" subdirectory on the off-chance, but no go.


I had (for a short time) a colleague like that. First day, he was put to work entering a very large amount of information.

The computer froze, and he came to me to fix it. All I could figure to do was reboot - it was locked solid. Then, of course, I got "But now I can't find the stuff I spent four hours entering."

"What file name was it under?" I asked.

"File name?" He responded blankly.

Basically, he then informed me that we don't NEED no stinkin' filenames, or saves, or any of that nonsense. Didn't I know that MS Word saves files automatically? Even if you never actually save at least once, to tell the poor program what file name you want?

The scary part was that he never, ever, really believed that this wasn't true. Even when, day after day, the information he entered would disappear on him, never to be found again. He remained convinced that he didn't HAVE to hit "save" even once.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: audrey1962 on November 21, 2008, 03:52:56 PM
E-hellions PLEASE!!! I can't keep up with this thread! There are so many great posts that I must read them all and now I'm getting further behind on my studies!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: audrey1962 on November 21, 2008, 04:01:34 PM
Ooh, I've got one!  I answered the phone at the veterinary clinic I used to work for (I'd been there for at least 7 or 8 months at this point)

I answered phone's at a vet's office for 5 years. It was my first job and I loved it, but here's the one that bothered me the most:

Client walks in/calls:
Me: Yes, and may I have your last name?
Client: Mine or the dog's? (hysterical laughter)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Tabris on November 21, 2008, 04:08:09 PM

Client walks in/calls:
Me: Yes, and may I have your last name?
Client: Mine or the dog's? (hysterical laughter)

My previous vet clinic would just ask for a name, and when I would give mine, t hey'd ask for the pet's name. If I gave the pet's name, they'd ask for mine. Trust me that the hysterics might have been real.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Elle on November 21, 2008, 04:16:17 PM

Client walks in/calls:
Me: Yes, and may I have your last name?
Client: Mine or the dog's? (hysterical laughter)

My previous vet clinic would just ask for a name, and when I would give mine, t hey'd ask for the pet's name. If I gave the pet's name, they'd ask for mine. Trust me that the hysterics might have been real.

I usually go with "TeenyCay EllesLastName"
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: momof2weenies on November 21, 2008, 04:22:10 PM

Client walks in/calls:
Me: Yes, and may I have your last name?
Client: Mine or the dog's? (hysterical laughter)

My previous vet clinic would just ask for a name, and when I would give mine, t hey'd ask for the pet's name. If I gave the pet's name, they'd ask for mine. Trust me that the hysterics might have been real.

I usually go with "TeenyCay EllesLastName"

That's how our vet does it, we have Oscar LastName and Pepper LastName.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: RegionMom on November 21, 2008, 04:36:36 PM
I do enjoy getting b-day cards from the vet and coupons from the pet store addressed to RegentDog Lastname. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: CuriousParty on November 21, 2008, 04:55:05 PM

Client walks in/calls:
Me: Yes, and may I have your last name?
Client: Mine or the dog's? (hysterical laughter)

My previous vet clinic would just ask for a name, and when I would give mine, t hey'd ask for the pet's name. If I gave the pet's name, they'd ask for mine. Trust me that the hysterics might have been real.


I usually go with "TeenyCay EllesLastName"
Well, now, see, our cat goes by DH's last name, so this is actually a reasonable question for our household.

I can't believe I just typed that...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ACBNYC on November 21, 2008, 05:34:52 PM
I do enjoy getting b-day cards from the vet and coupons from the pet store addressed to RegentDog Lastname. 

A good friend of mine is a vet.  She works in a rather...  dodgy neighborhood.

Yes, there are pet owners who name their pets things like "ExpletiveHead."  Worse, there are pet owners that will obstinately sit in the waiting room and ignore all requests of "Mr. Jones?  Mr. Jones, we're ready to see your parakeet/weimarauner/siamese now."  Nope, they will sit right there until the receptionist calls for "ExpletiveHead Jones" because it's soooooooooo original and funny.   ::)

The wonderful thing is, despite the obscene names, these guys are usually pretty good pet-parents.  The clinic puts up with it with good cheer because of that.

     - saphie

For some reason, I had been thinking of this story before I saw your post! Weird! My brother had a budgie named "ExpletiveHead." ExpletiveHead got sick--he was an old bird--and my brother took him to the vet. They asked the bird's name when my brother walked in with him, and my brother paused for a moment and said "Fluffy."  ;D

He is a very good pet-parent, with two dogs and eight birds (although the bird total has been as high as 12 or 14).
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: LyraSilverose on November 21, 2008, 05:47:58 PM

Client walks in/calls:
Me: Yes, and may I have your last name?
Client: Mine or the dog's? (hysterical laughter)

My previous vet clinic would just ask for a name, and when I would give mine, t hey'd ask for the pet's name. If I gave the pet's name, they'd ask for mine. Trust me that the hysterics might have been real.


I usually go with "TeenyCay EllesLastName"
Well, now, see, our cat goes by DH's last name, so this is actually a reasonable question for our household.

I can't believe I just typed that...

You'd be shocked at how often this is the case, actually.  Which doesn't make anyone feel any less silly about the whole thing, but hey.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: nutraxfornerves on November 21, 2008, 06:17:29 PM
I had a cat named R. E. Gato. It's a play on the Spanish for "cat" and Japanese "thank you." I called her "Gato." The first vet visit we went round & round when I kept giving this name & the receptionist kept saying "no, not your name. I need the cat's name."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: TootsNYC on November 21, 2008, 06:20:38 PM
Ooh, I've got one!  I answered the phone at the veterinary clinic I used to work for (I'd been there for at least 7 or 8 months at this point)

I answered phone's at a vet's office for 5 years. It was my first job and I loved it, but here's the one that bothered me the most:

Client walks in/calls:
Me: Yes, and may I have your last name?
Client: Mine or the dog's? (hysterical laughter)

My cat has a last name--mine. The guinea pigs have a last name--the same as DD's (I didn't change my name when I married, so the kids have my DH's last name).

They have the same vet.

The cat is mine, bcs my DH dislikes her. The guinea pigs are DD's, so they have her last name. It kind of freaks the vet out.

But DH is usually the one who takes the animals in. He has to remember to give a different last name.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Pinky830 on November 21, 2008, 07:18:10 PM
The most frustrating one for me was at my old company.  For a little background, understand that our CEO was my boss and that the man was used to everyone catering to him.

So, the date is 9/11/01.  CEO was at a Meeting IN THE MIAMI AIRPORT Miami when the towers fell with a meeting in Atlanta the next day.

CEO:  Magiccat, I need you to find out what's going on with my flight.  This lady at the counter says all the flights are cancelled.
Me:  Sir, terrorists have attacked the United States and flown planes into buildings.  They have grounded all flights until further notice.
CEO:  Well, I have a very important meeting in Atlanta.  I need to get a flight.  See if you can find another one for me.
Me:  Sir, with all due respect...no planes are flying in the near future.
CEO:  You're not listening.  I have to be in Atlanta.  Find me a flight.
Me:  Sir, have you been watching the news?  Due to terrorists attacking our country using airplanes as their weapon, all flights have been grounded.  No one is getting on an airplane today.
CEO:  Well, that's unaccpectable.  We can't just grind to a halt, I have a business to run.
Me:  ( ::))  Sir, how about I try to get you a rental car and you can drive...it might be a challenge as I bet everyone else is renting cars too.
CEO:  You get on that!  I need to be at that meeting tomorrow!

Needless to say, he did NOT get a flight that day...he didn't even get a rental car, because they were all gone.  We ended up having one of our employees in Miami DRIVE him to Atlanta and paid her for milage.

Some things and people are just impossible.

Wow! And I thought some of these stories were bad, but this is just an example of pure, simple self-centered stupidity.

Worse than that, can you imagine being the poor woman that had to drive him all that way, no doubt with him hrummphing and whinging the *whole way*? I hope that poor woman got paid more than just for her petrol.

I referred a client and her cat to a specialist shortly before 9/11, and their appointment was for 9/13. The specialist had a close family member who died in one of the attacks. When the specialty practice called the owner on 9/12 to let them know that the doctor wouldn't be in that week, they reamed her out, then called me and reamed me out too for good measure. (For the record, the cat had a chronic condition; this wasn't an emergency referral.) When I reiterated that the specialist had had a family tragedy that was connected to our national tragedy, the owner said, "Listen, nobody is more symapthetic to this situation than me."

Well, that's obviously not true.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Pinky830 on November 21, 2008, 07:28:12 PM
I ushered at local concerts occasionally in high school. I grew up in a small, genteel town about 60 miles from a large city, and LargeCity's symphony orchestra has a chamber orchestra concert in SmallTown every year. The venue is small but very pretty with extraordinary acoustics, and the musicians enjoy playing there. It is a local tradition and tickets sell out by October every year.

So one year, a 5 minutes before curtain a woman walked up to the box office and demanded a ticket! Her son was one of the musicians and she couldn't wrap her mind around the idea of a sold-out performance. We all sort of wondered if she just assumed we small-town bumpkins wouldn't be interested in orchestra enough to sell the performance out, but that might be reaching. Anyway, after much verbal abuse on her part, a manager found her a folding chair and set it up next to the balcony stairs. She griped until curtain.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: heathert on November 21, 2008, 08:29:13 PM

OH MY!!!  :o I hope your mom gave her boss what-for?

Heather
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: heathert on November 21, 2008, 08:35:24 PM
The only thing amusing about the situation is that the agent knows this.  This is standard knowledge for the profession.  This particular agent has worked closely with us for years and deals ONLY with this one state's regulations.  He knows this perfectly well.  For him to call up and threaten legal action when he has no grounds to do so is ridiculous.

As someone who's an insurance CSR, what do you want to bet he had the guy in his office breathing down his neck when he threatened the legal action?

Heather
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: heathert on November 21, 2008, 09:00:02 PM
Ooh, I've got one!  I answered the phone at the veterinary clinic I used to work for (I'd been there for at least 7 or 8 months at this point), and got to deal with this woman for over half an hour:

Me: Thank you for calling Suchandsuch Veterinary Hospital, this is Lyra, how can I help you?
Her: Yes, I'm out of town, but I need to refill my prescription, and the pharmacy says I don't have any refills left.  I've dealt with this before, and was told last time I called that I wouldn't have this problem anymore.  {can you tell she started out angry?}
Me: Could I get your last name please?  I'll look you up in our system.
Her: Myincrediblycomplicatedandlonglastname
Me: Could you spell that for me please?
Her: *annoyed sigh* {spells name}
{I spend several minutes tryint to pull her up in the system, with no luck}
Her: Look, could I just talk to Mary Rose?  She knows me.
Me: We don't have anyone by that name here, I'm sorry.
Her: Well, what about Susie?
Me: Sorry, no.
Her: Did you have a big turnover reacently?  I don't know you, either.
Me: Not that I'm aware of.  Are you sure you have the right number?
Her: Of course I am! (shouting)
Me: Here, let me try looking up your file in a different way.  What is your pet's name?
Her: What do you mean, my pet?  Why would that help?
Me: I'm just trying to find your file in our computer, sometimes it's easier to find under the pet's name than the owner's.  I really want to make sure your pet's prescription is filled for you.
Her: I don't have a pet!  I'm tryint to refill MY prescription. (screaming)
Me: Ma'am, you've reached Suchandsuch VETERINARY Hospital, we can't approve refills for human prescriptions.
Her: Well, you did it last time!
Me: I really think you've accidentially dialed the wrong number, we couldn't possibly have approved refills for your medications.
Her: I know what number I dialed!  You're just trying to cover your {explitive deleted} because you people screwed up again and didn't fix the proble the right way the first time!  Let me talk to Mary Rose right now!
Me: We really don't have anybody by that name working here, and as far as I know, we never have.  I really think you need to double check the number you dialed.
Her: Just tell the pharmacist here in Texas (I was located in California) that he should give me my medications!  That's all I want!
Me: Ma'am, I don't have the authority to do that for any prescription, and definately not one that did not originate from this practice.  You need to call your doctor's office.
Her: I did!  You just don't want to help me!
Me: This is a veterinary hospital, ma'am.  Unless you are the world's most inteligent Pekingese, this cannot possibly be your doctor's office.
Her: I demand to speak to your supervisor, right this instant.
Me: My office manager is currently on another line (true).  Would you like to hold for her?
Her: Yes, yes I would.  I'm going to tell her just how awful you are, and you'll be fired, just you wait and see!
Me: Please hold.

Note:  Our hold played a voiceover of various information about veterinary services, things we offered there, and important information about pet health.

I let my office manager know about the call, warned her what the woman wanted, and then sat back and watched as my office manager continued to tell this woman the very same thing: we cannot authorize refills on her prescription, and we are not her doctor's office, because we treat animals here, not humans.

This woman called us back three times that day, each time asked to speak to Mary Rose, and each time insisted that we could tell the pharmicist to refill her prescription, but we just didn't want to.  To this day I wonder if Mary Rose hadn't given her a wrong number deliberately just to get rid of her.

Do you think people like this are just not wanting to admit they made a mistake or are they off their kilter? I can't imagine most people not just saying, "Oh, sorry!" and hanging up. Just curious.

Heather
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: JenJay on November 21, 2008, 09:00:17 PM
I work in a grocery store. I don't get many requests for things that don't exist, but I constantly have people ask me where the such-and-such is and when I explain that we don't have it they argue "But I buy that here all the time!" Gee, no ya don't, cuz we don't carry it. Ever. Never have. You must be thinking of Rival Store. Sorry!

Of course I don't mind people coming in or calling to ask if I have an item, I do that to. But please don't argue with me and treat me like I'm either lying or an idiot when I tell you I don't have it and can't get it.




Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FoxPaws on November 22, 2008, 01:10:55 AM
.....snipped for space.....This woman called us back three times that day, each time asked to speak to Mary Rose, and each time insisted that we could tell the pharmacist to refill her prescription, but we just didn't want to.  To this day I wonder if Mary Rose hadn't given her a wrong number deliberately just to get rid of her.
Do you think people like this are just not wanting to admit they made a mistake or are they off their kilter? I can't imagine most people not just saying, "Oh, sorry!" and hanging up. Just curious.

Heather
My first thought for this one was Rx drug addiction. It would explain her desperation and her inability to remember things and/or react sensibly.  :(
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on November 22, 2008, 01:18:49 AM
I work in a grocery store. I don't get many requests for things that don't exist, but I constantly have people ask me where the such-and-such is and when I explain that we don't have it they argue "But I buy that here all the time!" Gee, no ya don't, cuz we don't carry it. Ever. Never have. You must be thinking of Rival Store. Sorry!

Of course I don't mind people coming in or calling to ask if I have an item, I do that to. But please don't argue with me and treat me like I'm either lying or an idiot when I tell you I don't have it and can't get it.






When I was a cashier people would give me coupons for things I know we didn't sell.  I worked at a  military commissary, and we sold most of the same things as a regular grocery store, but we didn't sell any automotive products at all.  Well, one customer tried to get me to take a coupon for Prestone antifreeze, and when I pointed out that we didn't sell it got very snippy.  Then, as she was walking away, she turned to me and said, "At least I don't have to work for a living!"
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Slartibartfast on November 22, 2008, 06:52:19 AM
I work in a grocery store. I don't get many requests for things that don't exist, but I constantly have people ask me where the such-and-such is and when I explain that we don't have it they argue "But I buy that here all the time!" Gee, no ya don't, cuz we don't carry it. Ever. Never have. You must be thinking of Rival Store. Sorry!

Of course I don't mind people coming in or calling to ask if I have an item, I do that to. But please don't argue with me and treat me like I'm either lying or an idiot when I tell you I don't have it and can't get it.






When I was a cashier people would give me coupons for things I know we didn't sell.  I worked at a  military commissary, and we sold most of the same things as a regular grocery store, but we didn't sell any automotive products at all.  Well, one customer tried to get me to take a coupon for Prestone antifreeze, and when I pointed out that we didn't sell it got very snippy.  Then, as she was walking away, she turned to me and said, "At least I don't have to work for a living!"

"Oh, neither do I, but I work here anyway so I get the pleasure of interacting with cheerful customers like you!  Have a nice day, ma'am!"

It has the double advantage of being snarky back, and can't get you fired because you were only being polite  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on November 22, 2008, 11:27:02 AM
Slartibartfast, I wish I'd been quick enough to think of something like that.  At the time I was too busy trying to collect my wits from where they'd scattered all over the sales floor.  When the bagger came back she told me the woman had given her a dollar for a huge amount of groceries, and complained the entire time about how rude I was.  (Our baggers were paid by tips only.)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: audrey1962 on November 22, 2008, 12:01:04 PM
Yes, there are pet owners who name their pets things like "ExpletiveHead." 

Ah yes, ExpletiveHead. This is all true:

Woman on phone: Yes, my husband and I adopted a stray cat and we'd like to bring him in to be checked out.
Me: Yes ma'am (discuss available appointment times). And may I have your last name?
Woman: Smith (or some such name)
Me: And may I have your cat's name?
Woman: Oh, um, well... see... uh, we call him ExpletiveHead. But - don't put that down in his record. Put down Sam. Yes, his name is Sam.

Later that day Husband arrives with "Sam" for the appointment. Reception room is packed.

Me: Hello! Are you Mr. Smith with "Sam" (followed by a wink)?*
Husband: Sam? Him? Nah - we just call him ExpletiveHead!



*I always say the animal name as owners may have more than one and I need to make sure I have the correct record. There was no way I was saying ExpletiveHead.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on November 22, 2008, 05:30:39 PM
I remember when I was working at McD's and this lady asked for a large Pepsi....and me trying to explain that we only sold Coke products.

She was actually trying to argue that she bought a Pepsi from us last week! Then I had the Manager explain that we did not now, or ever, sell Pepsi products. He even told her that if she wanted a Pepsi, that Dairy Queen across the street had Pepsi.

She ended up getting a Coke, but was still upset that we "discontinued" Pepsi....

Ginger
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: missmolly on November 22, 2008, 06:36:24 PM
I remember when I was working at McD's and this lady asked for a large Pepsi....and me trying to explain that we only sold Coke products.

She was actually trying to argue that she bought a Pepsi from us last week! Then I had the Manager explain that we did not now, or ever, sell Pepsi products. He even told her that if she wanted a Pepsi, that Dairy Queen across the street had Pepsi.

She ended up getting a Coke, but was still upset that we "discontinued" Pepsi....

Ginger

Ahh, McDonald's. My friend worked there many moons ago. She once got a guy on the drive thru asking for a pizza. After she informed him that they only really did burgers and fries his reply was (and I'm probably paraphrasing here):
'Oh. Are you sure?'
'Yes, Sir. As you can see on the menu, we don't make pizza's'
'Oh. It's just that an acquaintance of mine told me they make good pizzas at McDonald's'
'He probably had us confused with another business'
'Oh. So you don't make pizzas?'
'No sir. Would you care to order something else?'
This was at lunchtime, so there was a considerable line behind this dope.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: klm75 on November 22, 2008, 06:43:56 PM
I remember when I was working at McD's and this lady asked for a large Pepsi....and me trying to explain that we only sold Coke products.

She was actually trying to argue that she bought a Pepsi from us last week! Then I had the Manager explain that we did not now, or ever, sell Pepsi products. He even told her that if she wanted a Pepsi, that Dairy Queen across the street had Pepsi.

She ended up getting a Coke, but was still upset that we "discontinued" Pepsi....

Ginger

Ahh, McDonald's. My friend worked there many moons ago. She once got a guy on the drive thru asking for a pizza. After she informed him that they only really did burgers and fries his reply was (and I'm probably paraphrasing here):
'Oh. Are you sure?'
'Yes, Sir. As you can see on the menu, we don't make pizza's'
'Oh. It's just that an acquaintance of mine told me they make good pizzas at McDonald's'
'He probably had us confused with another business'
'Oh. So you don't make pizzas?'
'No sir. Would you care to order something else?'
This was at lunchtime, so there was a considerable line behind this dope.

About 15 years ago or so, Canada had pizzas at McDonald's.  Having recently moved to the states my kids are disappointed that they can no longer get grilled cheese at McDonald's.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: sadiemae on November 22, 2008, 07:18:56 PM
I live in an area that is a very popular test market. Our McDonalds and Burger Kings have carried everything from hot dogs to spaghetti and meatballs, pizza to chicken wings and corn dogs. It isn't just the fast food places, but our grocery stores usually carry a variety of products for a couple months that you won't find anywhere else. It is funny at times, but sometimes it really stinks! You fall in love with a product only to have it discontinued.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sleepingmediocre on November 22, 2008, 07:29:16 PM
Yes, there are pet owners who name their pets things like "ExpletiveHead." 

Ah yes, ExpletiveHead. This is all true:

Me: Hello! Are you Mr. Smith with "Sam" (followed by a wink)?*
Husband: Sam? Him? Nah - we just call him ExpletiveHead!

A former co-worker of mine has a cat who is named "Miss Sh*t."  With guests, and in the vet's records, the name magically changes to "Miss S." 

Once, when another co-worker expressed horror at someone naming a cat "Poot," she burst out laughing and said, "You don't even want to KNOW what MY cat's name is!"
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: KCee on November 22, 2008, 07:30:29 PM






 Then, as she was walking away, she turned to me and said, "At least I don't have to work for a living!"
[/quote]

Oh my goodness!!  :o   In what universe is working for a living considered to be a BAD thing???
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Suze on November 22, 2008, 08:07:10 PM
cousin had two cats named Stink Butt and Poop Butt.

"The things some people name their Fuzzies"
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on November 22, 2008, 08:34:48 PM






 Then, as she was walking away, she turned to me and said, "At least I don't have to work for a living!"

Oh my goodness!!  :o   In what universe is working for a living considered to be a BAD thing???
[/quote]

It used to be considered to be very "common" to have the wife work.

Ginger
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Elle on November 22, 2008, 08:51:14 PM






 Then, as she was walking away, she turned to me and said, "At least I don't have to work for a living!"

Oh my goodness!!  :o   In what universe is working for a living considered to be a BAD thing???

It used to be considered to be very "common" to have the wife work.

Ginger
[/quote]

I used to live in a town where Bill  Gates would be considered blue collar because he *worked* for his money.  ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Zen Angel on November 23, 2008, 06:51:44 AM
My DH works as an event coordinator at a country club. They do a great deal of events, particularly weddings. Recently, the MOB arrived the day before the event and asked to see the room for the reception. DH gladly showed her around. The room was completely prepared to the bride and MOB's excrutiating specifications (they even told him how to vacuum the floor around the tables so that the "lines" made by the machine "all lined up"). The tables were set with the linens they had ordered, with the antique wood chairs with burgundy-leather seats that matched. Here's the conversation:

MOB: These are the burgundy chairs?
DH: Yes.
MOB: They don't look like the photos in the brochure.
DH: I'm not sure which brochure you're referring to (they don't have brochures; they have an order book that does in fact have photos but is a giant binder of information), but these are the only the burgundy chairs we have.
MOB: They don't look like the photos in the brochure, though.
DH: Would you like to see the other seating options?
MOB: Are they burgundy?
DH: No. We have several shades of white, black and navy.
MOB: No, they have to be burgundy.
DH: Is there something wrong with these chairs?
MOB: They don't look like the chairs in the brochure.
DH: May I ask how?
MOB: They just don't! You've seen the photos, right?
DH: Yes, I have, ma'am.
MOB: Well, then, you see what I mean!
DH: (doesn't, but still wants to help) What can I do?

MOB then wanders off for about half an hour. She inspects each of the chairs, even turning them upside-down. Finally, she comes back to where DH is standing.

MOB: Do you have a steam wand?
DH: A steam wand? No, we don't, but we could certainly get one if you need. Is there a problem with the linens?
MOB: ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!?!?!? THE PROBLEM IS THE CHAIRS!!!
DH: (startled and confused) You want me to get a steam wand for the chairs?
MOB: Didn't I just SAY that?
DH: But ma'am, the chairs are wood. They are not fabric chairs.
MOB: ARE YOU GOING TO STEAM THESE CHAIRS OR NOT?
DH: Of course. Consider it done.


DH went to his boss, and they both laughed. Naturally, they did not steam the chairs. The next day, following the wedding, the MOB was full of praise to DH for "making the chairs look so much nicer after steaming out the wrinkles!"
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: gibsongirl on November 23, 2008, 07:34:08 AM






 Then, as she was walking away, she turned to me and said, "At least I don't have to work for a living!"

Oh my goodness!!  :o   In what universe is working for a living considered to be a BAD thing???

It used to be considered to be very "common" to have the wife work.

Ginger

I used to live in a town where Bill  Gates would be considered blue collar because he *worked* for his money.  ::)
[/quote]

Yes, very nouveau riche and all that...   *looks around for a nose in the air smiley*
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Clara Bow on November 23, 2008, 09:44:41 AM
I remember when I was working at McD's and this lady asked for a large Pepsi....and me trying to explain that we only sold Coke products.

She was actually trying to argue that she bought a Pepsi from us last week! Then I had the Manager explain that we did not now, or ever, sell Pepsi products. He even told her that if she wanted a Pepsi, that Dairy Queen across the street had Pepsi.

She ended up getting a Coke, but was still upset that we "discontinued" Pepsi....

Ginger

Ahh, McDonald's. My friend worked there many moons ago. She once got a guy on the drive thru asking for a pizza. After she informed him that they only really did burgers and fries his reply was (and I'm probably paraphrasing here):
'Oh. Are you sure?'
'Yes, Sir. As you can see on the menu, we don't make pizza's'
'Oh. It's just that an acquaintance of mine told me they make good pizzas at McDonald's'
'He probably had us confused with another business'
'Oh. So you don't make pizzas?'
'No sir. Would you care to order something else?'
This was at lunchtime, so there was a considerable line behind this dope.

About 15 years ago or so, Canada had pizzas at McDonald's.  Having recently moved to the states my kids are disappointed that they can no longer get grilled cheese at McDonald's.


There was a McDonald's in one of the WalMarts around here that carried pizza for a while. This was about....maybe nine or ten years ago I think. I don't know if it was a regional thing or maybe a test marketing thing, but it was there.
The menu is still done in pictures though...if there's not a picture of a pizza, they don't have it!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: audrey1962 on November 23, 2008, 10:35:41 AM
There was a McDonald's in one of the WalMarts around here that carried pizza for a while. This was about....maybe nine or ten years ago I think. I don't know if it was a regional thing or maybe a test marketing thing, but it was there.
The menu is still done in pictures though...if there's not a picture of a pizza, they don't have it!

I live in Detroit, which is just across from Canada, so many of us cross the border for work or entertainment. I remember when there was pizza in Canada and we all raved about it on our side of the border, it was so good and how we couldn't wait for it to cross the river. Never did.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Dindrane on November 23, 2008, 10:50:44 AM
My BF is from the Philippines, and McDonald's there is quite different.  For one, they serve Filipino-style spaghetti (which tastes like Spagehetti-Os).  They also serve fried chicken.  And on top of that, they deliver.

He was quite depressed to arrive in the US and learn that McDonald's does not deliver, and that they really only serve hamburgers.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: lilacbunny on November 23, 2008, 11:01:50 AM
Yes, very nouveau riche and all that...   *looks around for a nose in the air smiley*

Here ya go!  (http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k83/mym1961/snobsmilie.gif)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: gibsongirl on November 23, 2008, 11:09:45 AM
Yes, very nouveau riche and all that...   *looks around for a nose in the air smiley*

Here ya go!  (http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k83/mym1961/snobsmilie.gif)

Oh, that's just fabulous!  Thanks!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: White Dragon on November 23, 2008, 11:53:09 AM
This one happened two days ago.
It wasn't a patron, it was my uberboss.

BG: our uberboss runs 2 community newspapers. He splits his office time between the two communities.
The presses are in my building, and we print both his newspapers (and several others).

Friday afternoon, UB calls me from OtherTown.
"I need 100 more copies of OT's paper. I need you to see if the guys have any in the back."
"in the back" - it's not just a retail nightmare!  :D

So I go to the press guys.
"I need 100 more copies of OT's paper that you printed yesterday."
Now, I knew this was an impossible request. They start the press. They toss any substandard copies. They stop when the good copies equal the amount they were told to print. Then they throw out the plates used on the presses.

And, as expected, they laughed. A lot.
"We have 3 or 4 file copies, he can have those. Try Hank, he had to fold them, maybe he has extras."

So I go see Hank. I repeat the request.
Hank laughs.
He asks just what part of my behind uberboss expected me to find these magical newspapers.
He then suggests Fiona. Maybe she didn't ship them all.

So I see Fiona.
Fiona, already having an extremely stressful week, isn't so cheerful. But she appreciates my predicament.
She has some descriptive things to say about boss's counting and oversight.
"I sent him the number he told me, plus an extra 70. I did have some that were over the count. I dumped them."

Finally, in the back of the warehouse, we find the bin where she put the overage for recycling.
Lo and behold, there are about 150 copies of OT's paper buried there.
So I spent the next half hour climbing over pallets, rummaging around in the recycle bin.

Boss did thank me later, but one of these days I'm not going to be able to solve one of his impossible requests.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Browyn on November 23, 2008, 12:10:26 PM
When I was a teenager (late 70'2) you could get a grilled cheese at McDonald's in Massachusetts.  It wasn't on the menu but you could ask for it.  It was just a hamburger bun with cheese.  We used to get them for my grandmother (she was in her 90's and had no teeth).  I bet you could still get them if you asked.  I know I order the breakfast sandwiches without meat - since I find the ham and bacon too salty.  Its not on the menu but they don't blink at the request.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen \'Cause I\'m Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wolfie on November 23, 2008, 12:51:53 PM
When I was a teenager (late 70\'2) you could get a grilled cheese at McDonald\'s in Massachusetts.  It wasn\'t on the menu but you could ask for it.  It was just a hamburger bun with cheese.  We used to get them for my grandmother (she was in her 90\'s and had no teeth).  I bet you could still get them if you asked.  I know I order the breakfast sandwiches without meat - since I find the ham and bacon too salty.  Its not on the menu but they don\'t blink at the request.

Did that once and they did blink. And then just took off the meat. So a cheese sandwich with onions, pickles and ketchup was served.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: audrey1962 on November 23, 2008, 01:34:17 PM
About 20 years ago I had a friend who would order vegetarian whoppers from BK. These are not the veggie burgers they have now, but a regular whopper with all the fixin's - minus the meat. Some people blinked, some didn't.

Edited to make more sense!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: mumma to KMC on November 23, 2008, 02:16:11 PM
About 20 years ago I had a friend who would order vegetarian whoppers from BK. These are the veggie burgers they have now, but a regular whopper with all the fixin's - minus the meat. Some people blinked, some didn't.

We used to get those quite a bit about 12 years ago, when I was in college. They were really good. I think the reason I stopped was because they charged you the same price.

I wonder if they still make them.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on November 23, 2008, 02:22:16 PM






 Then, as she was walking away, she turned to me and said, "At least I don't have to work for a living!"

Oh my goodness!!  :o   In what universe is working for a living considered to be a BAD thing???

It used to be considered to be very "common" to have the wife work.

Ginger
[/quote]

At the time I was a single woman supporting myself.  How "common" is that?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: blue2000 on November 23, 2008, 02:40:13 PM
About 20 years ago I had a friend who would order vegetarian whoppers from BK. These are the veggie burgers they have now, but a regular whopper with all the fixin's - minus the meat. Some people blinked, some didn't.

We used to get those quite a bit about 12 years ago, when I was in college. They were really good. I think the reason I stopped was because they charged you the same price.

I wonder if they still make them.

I got those too!

I don't know if they still make them. I overdosed on Harvey's in college, so I don't eat there anymore. :-X
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on November 23, 2008, 03:20:14 PM


It used to be considered to be very "common" to have the wife work.

Ginger
[/quote]

At the time I was a single woman supporting myself.  How "common" is that?
[/quote]

Well, don't you know you're supposed to get married right out of high school?  ;)

Ginger
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Josiepug on November 23, 2008, 03:29:49 PM

It used to be considered to be very "common" to have the wife work.

Ginger
[/quote]

At the time I was a single woman supporting myself.  How "common" is that?
[/quote]

Well, don't you know you're supposed to get married right out of high school?  ;)

Ginger
[/quote]

I bet you didn't make your debut either. The nerve of some people.  ;)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Mel on November 23, 2008, 03:31:12 PM
I remember when I was working at McD's and this lady asked for a large Pepsi....and me trying to explain that we only sold Coke products.

She was actually trying to argue that she bought a Pepsi from us last week! Then I had the Manager explain that we did not now, or ever, sell Pepsi products. He even told her that if she wanted a Pepsi, that Dairy Queen across the street had Pepsi.

She ended up getting a Coke, but was still upset that we "discontinued" Pepsi....

Ginger

Ahh, McDonald's. My friend worked there many moons ago. She once got a guy on the drive thru asking for a pizza. After she informed him that they only really did burgers and fries his reply was (and I'm probably paraphrasing here):
'Oh. Are you sure?'
'Yes, Sir. As you can see on the menu, we don't make pizza's'
'Oh. It's just that an acquaintance of mine told me they make good pizzas at McDonald's'
'He probably had us confused with another business'
'Oh. So you don't make pizzas?'
'No sir. Would you care to order something else?'
This was at lunchtime, so there was a considerable line behind this dope.

About 15 years ago or so, Canada had pizzas at McDonald's.  Having recently moved to the states my kids are disappointed that they can no longer get grilled cheese at McDonald's.


There was a McDonald's in one of the WalMarts around here that carried pizza for a while. This was about....maybe nine or ten years ago I think. I don't know if it was a regional thing or maybe a test marketing thing, but it was there.
The menu is still done in pictures though...if there's not a picture of a pizza, they don't have it!

We had pizza there too about that long ago I'd say.  I remember they'd bring shakers to the table with parmesan and crushed chilies.  I liked that pizza.  :)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on November 23, 2008, 03:34:06 PM
[

I bet you didn't make your debut either. The nerve of some people.  ;)
[/quote]

Nope! We were not rich in any sense of the word, no matter what my friends thought.

(I think they thought that since we lived in the "nice" part of town and not in a run down trailer park that we were just rolling in money)

Ginger
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Minmom3 on November 23, 2008, 04:05:30 PM
Yes, there are pet owners who name their pets things like "ExpletiveHead." 

Ah yes, ExpletiveHead. This is all true:

Me: Hello! Are you Mr. Smith with "Sam" (followed by a wink)?*
Husband: Sam? Him? Nah - we just call him ExpletiveHead!

A former co-worker of mine has a cat who is named "Miss Sh*t."  With guests, and in the vet's records, the name magically changes to "Miss S." 

Once, when another co-worker expressed horror at someone naming a cat "Poot," she burst out laughing and said, "You don't even want to KNOW what MY cat's name is!"

I lived next door to a man who had a dog named Puck....  He loved to walk down the beach, calling Puck in a Very Loud Voice...  Grown man, juvenile humor.  Cute dog, though.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MC Clapyohanz on November 23, 2008, 05:12:27 PM
My BF is from the Philippines, and McDonald's there is quite different.  For one, they serve Filipino-style spaghetti (which tastes like Spagehetti-Os).  They also serve fried chicken.  And on top of that, they deliver.

He was quite depressed to arrive in the US and learn that McDonald's does not deliver, and that they really only serve hamburgers.

We have a Jolly Bee here in San Diego. It has the spaghetti you're talking about. And don't forget the cut up hotdogs! :) Is it bad that I like it? :-*
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Dindrane on November 23, 2008, 05:25:27 PM
My BF is from the Philippines, and McDonald's there is quite different.  For one, they serve Filipino-style spaghetti (which tastes like Spagehetti-Os).  They also serve fried chicken.  And on top of that, they deliver.

He was quite depressed to arrive in the US and learn that McDonald's does not deliver, and that they really only serve hamburgers.

We have a Jolly Bee here in San Diego. It has the spaghetti you're talking about. And don't forget the cut up hotdogs! :) Is it bad that I like it? :-*

Jolly Bee is the only fast food restaurant chain to beat out McDonald's anywhere in the world.  Jolly Bee wins in the Philippines because they have spaghetti (with cut up hot dog), fried chicken, pancit, and sweet hamburgers.  McDonald's only has the first two. :)  I have to agree with my BF...Jolly Bee's fried chicken is some of the best you'll get anywhere.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: BabyMama on November 23, 2008, 05:26:00 PM
[

I bet you didn't make your debut either. The nerve of some people.  ;)

Nope! We were not rich in any sense of the word, no matter what my friends thought.

(I think they thought that since we lived in the "nice" part of town and not in a run down trailer park that we were just rolling in money)

Ginger
[/quote]

lol, one of my friends' nicknames (given to her by other friends, not me) is Ms. Rockefeller--because she prefers to shop at RedBullseyeStore rather than WallyWorld. Nothing says flaunting the riches more than shopping at Target... ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Black Delphinium on November 23, 2008, 05:45:02 PM
Well, RedBullseyeStore is endorsed by Freezepop, and WallyWorld isn't, so it is more "avant garde" and "highbrow". :P
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Yarnspinner on November 23, 2008, 06:51:16 PM
The McDonalds around here used to sell individual pizzas, too.  I LOVED them.  Sobbed a lot when they took them off the menu.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: JD5351 on November 23, 2008, 06:55:45 PM
I remember the McDonalds pizzas too. I think I really liked them. lol
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: blarg314 on November 23, 2008, 08:29:23 PM
I live in Detroit, which is just across from Canada, so many of us cross the border for work or entertainment. I remember when there was pizza in Canada and we all raved about it on our side of the border, it was so good and how we couldn't wait for it to cross the river. Never did.

I didn't realize they didn't do the pizza everywhere. I think it was about 15 years ago in Canada, and it lasted for a few years.

The Subways in Taiwan are now serving personal pan pizzas, but I don't know if that is a local thing or not.  The McDonalds here serve rice burgers (rice patties instead of buns) and corn soup.


Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: audhs on November 23, 2008, 08:32:08 PM
I live in Detroit, which is just across from Canada, so many of us cross the border for work or entertainment. I remember when there was pizza in Canada and we all raved about it on our side of the border, it was so good and how we couldn't wait for it to cross the river. Never did.

I didn't realize they didn't do the pizza everywhere. I think it was about 15 years ago in Canada, and it lasted for a few years.

The Subways in Taiwan are now serving personal pan pizzas, but I don't know if that is a local thing or not.  The McDonalds here serve rice burgers (rice patties instead of buns) and corn soup.




I think mcdonalds very's its menu in some places.  I was in PEI a few years ago and they had McLobster on the menu. THey definatly don't have that on the prairies. ;)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Drunken Housewife on November 23, 2008, 08:52:06 PM
I went by a Subway in downtown San Francisco the other day and was surprised to see it had big signs up touting its pan pizzas.  So Subway pizzas are on at least two continents now...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Moogle on November 23, 2008, 09:03:09 PM
My BF is from the Philippines, and McDonald's there is quite different.  For one, they serve Filipino-style spaghetti (which tastes like Spagehetti-Os).  They also serve fried chicken.  And on top of that, they deliver.

He was quite depressed to arrive in the US and learn that McDonald's does not deliver, and that they really only serve hamburgers.

But you guys over there have the milkshakes.  We don't.   :'(
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: audrey1962 on November 23, 2008, 09:05:30 PM
I think mcdonalds very's its menu in some places.  I was in PEI a few years ago and they had McLobster on the menu. THey definatly don't have that on the prairies. ;)

Oh my goodness - McLobster!!!! How could I forget! I had one back in 1994 when I was on vacation in Maine (21st b-day vacation - that's how I can remember the year). I didn't know they still had them.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Moogle on November 23, 2008, 09:07:22 PM
My BF is from the Philippines, and McDonald's there is quite different.  For one, they serve Filipino-style spaghetti (which tastes like Spagehetti-Os).  They also serve fried chicken.  And on top of that, they deliver.

He was quite depressed to arrive in the US and learn that McDonald's does not deliver, and that they really only serve hamburgers.

We have a Jolly Bee here in San Diego. It has the spaghetti you're talking about. And don't forget the cut up hotdogs! :) Is it bad that I like it? :-*

Jolly Bee is the only fast food restaurant chain to beat out McDonald's anywhere in the world.  Jolly Bee wins in the Philippines because they have spaghetti (with cut up hot dog), fried chicken, pancit, and sweet hamburgers.  McDonald's only has the first two. :)  I have to agree with my BF...Jolly Bee's fried chicken is some of the best you'll get anywhere.

I prefer McDonald's spaghetti over Jollibee's.  (sweet-style on both of them, which I'm not too fond of).

Jollibee's fried chicken is better than McDonalds' ever since the McDonalds here changed their chicken recipe.

For french fries, McDonalds over Jollibee  ;D

My friends and I have dissected those two fast food franchises to death.  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kherbert05 on November 23, 2008, 09:58:18 PM
I live in Detroit, which is just across from Canada, so many of us cross the border for work or entertainment. I remember when there was pizza in Canada and we all raved about it on our side of the border, it was so good and how we couldn't wait for it to cross the river. Never did.

I didn't realize they didn't do the pizza everywhere. I think it was about 15 years ago in Canada, and it lasted for a few years.

The Subways in Taiwan are now serving personal pan pizzas, but I don't know if that is a local thing or not.  The McDonalds here serve rice burgers (rice patties instead of buns) and corn soup.




I think mcdonalds very's its menu in some places.  I was in PEI a few years ago and they had McLobster on the menu. THey definatly don't have that on the prairies. ;)

I completely forgot about that. The Islanders sure don't think much of that menu item.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Dindrane on November 23, 2008, 10:08:27 PM
My BF is from the Philippines, and McDonald's there is quite different.  For one, they serve Filipino-style spaghetti (which tastes like Spagehetti-Os).  They also serve fried chicken.  And on top of that, they deliver.

He was quite depressed to arrive in the US and learn that McDonald's does not deliver, and that they really only serve hamburgers.

We have a Jolly Bee here in San Diego. It has the spaghetti you're talking about. And don't forget the cut up hotdogs! :) Is it bad that I like it? :-*

Jolly Bee is the only fast food restaurant chain to beat out McDonald's anywhere in the world.  Jolly Bee wins in the Philippines because they have spaghetti (with cut up hot dog), fried chicken, pancit, and sweet hamburgers.  McDonald's only has the first two. :)  I have to agree with my BF...Jolly Bee's fried chicken is some of the best you'll get anywhere.

I prefer McDonald's spaghetti over Jollibee's.  (sweet-style on both of them, which I'm not too fond of).

Jollibee's fried chicken is better than McDonalds' ever since the McDonalds here changed their chicken recipe.

For french fries, McDonalds over Jollibee  ;D

My friends and I have dissected those two fast food franchises to death.  ;D

I think my BF prefers Jollibee over McDonald's overall.  But when he was in the Philippines, he happily ate both. :)  The sweet thing really throws me, because I'm used to American-style food, and burgers here are not sweet at all.  But we both miss the KFC there...it's way better than KFC in the states.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: snowfire on November 23, 2008, 10:09:18 PM
They do have some interesting regional items.  We saw Shark Fin Soup on the menu at McD's in Hong Kong and ordered a beer with our Big Mac in Germany.

I almost never drink beer, except our own homebrew.  I'm picky ;D  When we were in Germany I ordered beer most of the time.  It was less expensive than Coke, and some of the small regional beers were really good!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Suze on November 23, 2008, 10:09:48 PM
we were a test market for McDonald's pizza -- not bad, but not good either.  Didn't really surprise me when it went away.

We also had the "salad shakers"  WHO in their right mind thought that a salad in a drink cup was a good idea?  I saw more people TRY to shake the dressing into the salad and end up with the salad all over them.  Our resterant took to giving out plates from breakfast meals with them.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: sisbam on November 23, 2008, 10:20:24 PM
we were a test market for McDonald's pizza -- not bad, but not good either.  Didn't really surprise me when it went away.

We also had the "salad shakers"  WHO in their right mind thought that a salad in a drink cup was a good idea?  I saw more people TRY to shake the dressing into the salad and end up with the salad all over them.  Our resterant took to giving out plates from breakfast meals with them.

I loved the salad shakers! Sometimes you wanted a salad instead of a burger but didn't have time to sit down. These were the best car food ever. And I managed to make my one pack of dressing last the entire cup! :D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Twik on November 23, 2008, 10:22:17 PM

I completely forgot about that. The Islanders sure don't think much of that menu item.

Actually, they're pretty good. Frozen meat, of course, but signficant amounts, decent dressing and proper bun. I've paid a lot more and had worse.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Moogle on November 23, 2008, 11:19:23 PM
I think my BF prefers Jollibee over McDonald's overall.  But when he was in the Philippines, he happily ate both. :)  The sweet thing really throws me, because I'm used to American-style food, and burgers here are not sweet at all.  But we both miss the KFC there...it's way better than KFC in the states.

I've never tried your KFC over there while I was staying with my sister.  I don't recall seeing a KFC in her neighborhood.  I'm curious, what's the difference?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Zen Angel on November 24, 2008, 01:28:13 AM
My BF is from the Philippines, and McDonald's there is quite different.  For one, they serve Filipino-style spaghetti (which tastes like Spagehetti-Os).  They also serve fried chicken.  And on top of that, they deliver.


I once heard, many years ago, that the McDonald's restaurants in France serve horse meat. This could very well be an urban legend, though.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MissRose on November 24, 2008, 04:53:34 AM
I know that my work department is big on emphasizing what can be done (even if we don't end up working the issue) but there are the rare times a request simply can't be done...

**Customers who call in on the weekends to demand support over the phone when weekend/holiday phone support is a premium service.  Premium means extra cost involved and many customers try to work around that rule.  We do tell people they can email for free or look up things in the help pages for free, or call on monday morning (as we do offer some free support time on normal days).

**Customers who want account sensitive details and are: not listed on the account, not able to verify themselves to prove ownership, etc.  We don't give out details on account/billing things till we confirm certain things then we can discuss things in depth after that.  If you don't match what we have in our systems & procedures, no request that involves sensitive details (billing, passwords etc) will not be done NO EXCEPTIONS.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Lauren on November 24, 2008, 07:21:54 AM
I had a terrayki burger in Japan. They were awesome. Most Maccas (or MickeyDs ;) ) have their own local 'cusine'.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Dindrane on November 24, 2008, 07:30:33 AM
I think my BF prefers Jollibee over McDonald's overall.  But when he was in the Philippines, he happily ate both. :)  The sweet thing really throws me, because I'm used to American-style food, and burgers here are not sweet at all.  But we both miss the KFC there...it's way better than KFC in the states.

I've never tried your KFC over there while I was staying with my sister.  I don't recall seeing a KFC in her neighborhood.  I'm curious, what's the difference?

KFC in the Philippines has more flavor (I think it might be from more pepper in the breading or something).  It also comes with extra gravy for the chicken.  And it comes with rice. :)  In the US, the gravy only comes on the mashed potatoes, and at least the chicken I've had recently has managed to be greasy and sort of tasteless at the same time.

And, of course, KFC in the Philippines delivers.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: lady_disdain on November 24, 2008, 09:25:39 AM
Come visit me and I'll show you McD (fried!) banana pastry :D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: thebeckster on November 24, 2008, 10:05:07 AM
Okay, here's the story on the memorable bank customer (some ICK factor involved):

It was an ordinary day. A customer came in on a wheelchair, saw one of the older assistant manager and began calling to her "Mrs. Bank Manager! Mrs. Bank Manager!". (The only reason I mention she was older was that she HATED me, thought I was a young whippersnapper, and told people she was the manager). As he was going right past me at the time, I said "How can I help you?"

He turned "Are you the bank manager?"
Me; "Yes I am."
He wheeled a little closer, said "It's nice to meet you." and stuck out his hand.

Reflexes struck, and I, of course, stuck out my hand too. He looked at my hand for a moment, the raised it to his mouth ("Is he going to kiss it?" running through my head) and then started to lick my hand.

I whipped my hand back so fast I must have left traction burns, turned and walked into the bathroom to wash with really hot water. And I avoided him from that point as best I could.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Louie_LI on November 24, 2008, 10:29:36 AM
I once heard, many years ago, that the McDonald's restaurants in France serve horse meat. This could very well be an urban legend, though.

It is an urban legend. The story I heard is that, back in the dawn of time, when McDonald's first came to France (1970s), one of the franchisees used a certain portion of horse meat. Corporate quickly put an end to that. Horse meat is now more expensive than beef, so you can rest assured that your McD's burger is as much 100% beef as anywhere else.

Some of the limited edition burgers in France are quite strange (bearnaise sauce, anyone?) and they have McCroqueMonsieurs.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen \'Cause I\'m Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wolfie on November 24, 2008, 11:32:40 AM

KFC in the Philippines has more flavor (I think it might be from more pepper in the breading or something).  It also comes with extra gravy for the chicken.  And it comes with rice. :)  In the US, the gravy only comes on the mashed potatoes, and at least the chicken I\'ve had recently has managed to be greasy and sort of tasteless at the same time.

And, of course, KFC in the Philippines delivers.

In the states you can order the gravy without the potatoes.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: mumma to KMC on November 24, 2008, 11:48:18 AM
I once heard, many years ago, that the McDonald's restaurants in France serve horse meat. This could very well be an urban legend, though.

It is an urban legend. The story I heard is that, back in the dawn of time, when McDonald's first came to France (1970s), one of the franchisees used a certain portion of horse meat. Corporate quickly put an end to that. Horse meat is now more expensive than beef, so you can rest assured that your McD's burger is as much 100% beef as anywhere else.

Some of the limited edition burgers in France are quite strange (bearnaise sauce, anyone?) and they have McCroqueMonsieurs.



So how does ones know if they are ordering horse or cow when they are at a "regular" restaurant? I ask because dh and I were in France this summer and he ordered what he thought was horse (to try it) and said it tasted like beef.

McCroqueMonsieurs? Are they good?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: audrey1962 on November 24, 2008, 11:58:40 AM
Some of the limited edition burgers in France are quite strange (bearnaise sauce, anyone?) and they have McCroqueMonsieurs.

Yes, what is McCroqueMonsieurs? Is it ham with mustard and cheese sauce? Is McD's anywhere close to tasty compared to homemade?

mmmm... homemade sandwiches....
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: TychaBrahe on November 24, 2008, 01:12:31 PM
About 20 years ago I had a friend who would order vegetarian whoppers from BK. These are not the veggie burgers they have now, but a regular whopper with all the fixin's - minus the meat. Some people blinked, some didn't.


At In-n-Out, those are called Wishburgers.  As in, "Don't you wish you had a burger?"

But it's the only vegetarian-friendly thing that In-n-Out offers, vegetarians often have carnivore friends, and In-n-Out is the best burger chain in the US.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: little bird on November 24, 2008, 01:24:44 PM
About 20 years ago I had a friend who would order vegetarian whoppers from BK. These are not the veggie burgers they have now, but a regular whopper with all the fixin's - minus the meat. Some people blinked, some didn't.


At In-n-Out, those are called Wishburgers.  As in, "Don't you wish you had a burger?"

But it's the only vegetarian-friendly thing that In-n-Out offers, vegetarians often have carnivore friends, and In-n-Out is the best burger chain in the US.

Doesn't In-n-Out to grilled cheese sandwiches?  I could have sworn I had one there.  Obviously not good for vegans or strict vegetarians but so many of the vegetarians I know are lacto-ovo. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on November 24, 2008, 03:39:57 PM
I remember years ago, a friend ordering a Whopper sans meat.  Or as she sang it, "Hold the meat!  Hold the cheese!  Any way you dang well please!"
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Optimoose Prime on November 24, 2008, 06:05:25 PM
When I worked at Burger King we had $ .99 Whopper night every Thursday.  There was an Indian (from India) couple that would come in often and order the "Whopper, no meat."  I liked them a lot.  Very polite.

The store I worked at was in close proximity to a few bars and the drive-thru was open late on the weekends.  Had a lot of strange people coming through then.  There was a drunk guy that wanted a $ .99 Whopper.  We tried to explain that it was not Thursday and not Whopper night.  He thought we were being picky because it was after mid-night.  I told him several times that not only was it not Thursday, it was not Friday morning, either.  Actually he was off an entire day.  It was Friday night -- actually Saturday morning.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: blarg314 on November 24, 2008, 08:25:17 PM

The MacDonalds in India serve lamb burgers, as Hindus don't eat beef.

There's a pub near my work that serves Croque Monsieur and Croque Madame - the direct translation of the namea in Chinese are "Mr. KoKe and Mrs KoKe".
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: jennifergeek on November 24, 2008, 10:26:28 PM
I didn't think I had anything to add to this thread, but this incident just popped into my head (must have blocked it).

What about people who want you to fix a bug in a commercially available piece of software, when you a.) do not work for the company that makes the software, and b) are not a programmer in the first place? And then, they deny that you ever told them that there was a problem, and get mad when you have no idea when a fix will be posted as there is nothing listed on the manufacturers web site. Fiasco from start to finish. I finally downgraded the machine, and reinstalled the printer.

This same person got mad at me last week for something that her sub did last fall (the sub was here for a year, and so had the authority to make this change). She was infuriated with ME because some equipment that was supposed to be in her lab was moved. I had nothing to do with it, but got yelled at because the equipment had been moved to my area (higher ups had approved the move!). She actually made me give the equipment back. I sent an email to the higher up, asking for the serial numbers, as we were one short, and explained the situation as if she had already talked with him about it. PA, yes, but anything else would be seen as unacceptable.

I think she thinks that I purposefully think of ways to cause problems for her. Not sure why I would do that, as that would just cause me more work.

Okay, now I'm depressed about the rest of the semester...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: soetkin on November 25, 2008, 07:26:10 AM


So how does ones know if they are ordering horse or cow when they are at a "regular" restaurant? I ask because dh and I were in France this summer and he ordered what he thought was horse (to try it) and said it tasted like beef.

It should be "steak de cheval" or other "de cheval" or "chevaline" type meat. It looks a lot and is cooked mostly like beef but will taste somewhat sweeter.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: mumma to KMC on November 25, 2008, 07:52:12 AM


So how does ones know if they are ordering horse or cow when they are at a "regular" restaurant? I ask because dh and I were in France this summer and he ordered what he thought was horse (to try it) and said it tasted like beef.

It should be "steak de cheval" or other "de cheval" or "chevaline" type meat. It looks a lot and is cooked mostly like beef but will taste somewhat sweeter.

Well then he got the horse. Interesting. He was so convinced that it was beef that he was somewhat disappointed. :)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Louie_LI on November 25, 2008, 08:21:11 AM


So how does ones know if they are ordering horse or cow when they are at a "regular" restaurant? I ask because dh and I were in France this summer and he ordered what he thought was horse (to try it) and said it tasted like beef.

It should be "steak de cheval" or other "de cheval" or "chevaline" type meat. It looks a lot and is cooked mostly like beef but will taste somewhat sweeter.


Well then he got the horse. Interesting. He was so convinced that it was beef that he was somewhat disappointed. :)

Soetkin is right. If it said "à cheval" it would not be horsemeat, but would have something on top of it. Like "hamburger oeuf à cheval" is a hamburger patty with a fried egg (oeuf) on top. I'm impressed if your husband actually found horsemeat on a menu. In over 15 years, I've only seen it a handful of times.


Some of the limited edition burgers in France are quite strange (bearnaise sauce, anyone?) and they have McCroqueMonsieurs.

Yes, what is McCroqueMonsieurs? Is it ham with mustard and cheese sauce? Is McD's anywhere close to tasty compared to homemade?

mmmm... homemade sandwiches....

I have to admit I've never tried the McCroque (true name: Croque McDo). From the ads, it looks like just ham and cheese, toasted, without the cheese on top. Kind of a lackluster grilled ham and cheese. Oh, except that, for no discernable reason, it's round.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: audrey1962 on November 25, 2008, 09:03:00 AM
I have to admit I've never tried the McCroque (true name: Croque McDo). From the ads, it looks like just ham and cheese, toasted, without the cheese on top. Kind of a lackluster grilled ham and cheese. Oh, except that, for no discernable reason, it's round.

That is rather disappointing. I love a good grilled ham & cheese, but I'd never call it a McCroque - that implies a different type of sandwich.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Itza on November 25, 2008, 11:42:58 AM
Shouldn't we do a S/O when this thread started talking about availability of foodstuffs from various eateries?  ???
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Amatherly on November 25, 2008, 01:05:25 PM
Ooo.  I have a story from the Smiley Face store, where I work at the customer service desk.

I had a guy call me and ask if we had a certain bed in stock.  I had the department manager check for me, and we had none on the floor, and she even went so far as to check in back, since we will occasionally have big bulky items back there.  We didn't have any, and I let the guy know.  He then said "Okay.  Now check the back, because that's where I got this one and guy who got it for me told me yesterday that there were 2 back there."  I told him we had checked the back already, and there were none.  He argued with me until I finally told him I'd have them look again, put him back on hold for 5 minutes and then told him the exact same thing.  He then goes "Fine.  My phone number is 555-5555 and my name is Gerald.  Call the other stores in the area to find if they have the item then call me back sometime before 4"  He then hung up as I was sitting a little speechless.  I mean, we'll gladly call other stores for customers IF THEY'RE IN THE STORE.  It was extremely busy that day, I was doing both the phones and waiting on customers, I was the only one at the desk (and it was already 3:30) and this guy wanted me to drop everything and do his shopping over the phone for him.

Needless to say, I didn't actually call anyone and as far as I know, he never called back asking about it.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Browyn on November 25, 2008, 01:32:39 PM
I have to admit I've never tried the McCroque (true name: Croque McDo). From the ads, it looks like just ham and cheese, toasted, without the cheese on top. Kind of a lackluster grilled ham and cheese. Oh, except that, for no discernable reason, it's round.

That is rather disappointing. I love a good grilled ham & cheese, but I'd never call it a McCroque - that implies a different type of sandwich.

Sounds like Burger King's Hamlet (round bun, cheese, egg, ham, and honey butter) which are actually pretty good.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ACBNYC on November 25, 2008, 02:18:32 PM
I have to admit I've never tried the McCroque (true name: Croque McDo). From the ads, it looks like just ham and cheese, toasted, without the cheese on top. Kind of a lackluster grilled ham and cheese. Oh, except that, for no discernable reason, it's round.

That is rather disappointing. I love a good grilled ham & cheese, but I'd never call it a McCroque - that implies a different type of sandwich.

Sounds like Burger King's Hamlet (round bun, cheese, egg, ham, and honey butter) which are actually pretty good.

I had a hamlet for the first time Sunday--I thought it was disgusting because it was sweet and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why!!! Now I know it was honey butter!!!! Thanks!  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sara Crewe on November 25, 2008, 02:19:21 PM
The best one I ever had was the time I was woken up at two o'clock in the morning because someone wanted to stay overnight at an alternative address because he'd 'met this really fit girl'.

Address changes need court approval.  I'll just get on to waking the judge up in the early hours shall I, I'm sure he'd be delighted to arrange that for you! ::)

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Karmelita on November 25, 2008, 02:25:04 PM
I didn't think I had anything to add to this thread, but this incident just popped into my head (must have blocked it).

What about people who want you to fix a bug in a commercially available piece of software, when you a.) do not work for the company that makes the software, and b) are not a programmer in the first place? And then, they deny that you ever told them that there was a problem, and get mad when you have no idea when a fix will be posted as there is nothing listed on the manufacturers web site. Fiasco from start to finish. I finally downgraded the machine, and reinstalled the printer.

This same person got mad at me last week for something that her sub did last fall (the sub was here for a year, and so had the authority to make this change). She was infuriated with ME because some equipment that was supposed to be in her lab was moved. I had nothing to do with it, but got yelled at because the equipment had been moved to my area (higher ups had approved the move!). She actually made me give the equipment back. I sent an email to the higher up, asking for the serial numbers, as we were one short, and explained the situation as if she had already talked with him about it. PA, yes, but anything else would be seen as unacceptable.

I think she thinks that I purposefully think of ways to cause problems for her. Not sure why I would do that, as that would just cause me more work.

Okay, now I'm depressed about the rest of the semester...


Oooh you just reminded me of the same sort of thing from my job.  I am a programmer...one of several here, in fact.  Nonetheless, I can't reprogram <Popular Operating System> to your liking, no matter how much you scream about it.  Even if you are an Important Employee.  Really, I can't.

I believe his reply (to my boss) was something along the lines of a declaration that he had contacts at <Popular Operating System Company> and he would call them to get it changed.  Wonder how that worked out for him...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 25, 2008, 04:57:58 PM
I witnessed one this weekend - another "in the back! in the back!" moment.

Target had 30 percent off its clearance prices this weekend. (I've never seen them do this before.) A woman was brandishing one of the cute Isaac Mizrahi dresses, demanding that they go find it for her in a size 18.

Let's start out with the fact that the Mizrahi line doesn't go up to size 18, which the clerk patiently explained to her. But to me, it was clear that they were marking down their clearance because they wanted to get rid of it. Given that motivation, why in heck would they lie about having a dress in stock when it was 75 percent off?

(I scored some really pretty knit tunics and a long gray cardigan. :D)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: jennifergeek on November 25, 2008, 11:26:03 PM
I didn't think I had anything to add to this thread, but this incident just popped into my head (must have blocked it).

What about people who want you to fix a bug in a commercially available piece of software, when you a.) do not work for the company that makes the software, and b) are not a programmer in the first place? And then, they deny that you ever told them that there was a problem, and get mad when you have no idea when a fix will be posted as there is nothing listed on the manufacturers web site. Fiasco from start to finish. I finally downgraded the machine, and reinstalled the printer.

This same person got mad at me last week for something that her sub did last fall (the sub was here for a year, and so had the authority to make this change). She was infuriated with ME because some equipment that was supposed to be in her lab was moved. I had nothing to do with it, but got yelled at because the equipment had been moved to my area (higher ups had approved the move!). She actually made me give the equipment back. I sent an email to the higher up, asking for the serial numbers, as we were one short, and explained the situation as if she had already talked with him about it. PA, yes, but anything else would be seen as unacceptable.

I think she thinks that I purposefully think of ways to cause problems for her. Not sure why I would do that, as that would just cause me more work.

Okay, now I'm depressed about the rest of the semester...


Oooh you just reminded me of the same sort of thing from my job.  I am a programmer...one of several here, in fact.  Nonetheless, I can't reprogram <Popular Operating System> to your liking, no matter how much you scream about it.  Even if you are an Important Employee.  Really, I can't.

I believe his reply (to my boss) was something along the lines of a declaration that he had contacts at <Popular Operating System Company> and he would call them to get it changed.  Wonder how that worked out for him...


Eek! I hope your person never meets my person, as it would be a nightmare for all involved. I could see them banding together...

I do have a follow-up to this. I spoke with the higher-up today (randomly met in the hall), and he was not happy that she took the equipment back, as he was the one who wanted it under more strict control in the first place. I had no problem with her taking the equipment, but her timing and delivery left much to be desired, as we are in a hugely busy time of the year.

I had to say, it was really nice to know that I am not the only one who has problems with this person. I just wish that the problem didn't exist...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Twik on November 25, 2008, 11:41:26 PM
Ooh, that reminds me of a colleague one:

My company sells, among many other things, a particular book. The Book is published by a major trade organization, and is considered, in a way, the last word on its topic on How to Do It Right.

My company hired a new and, shall we say, ambitious person at my level. While complaining he had too much to do to complete his own projects (or proof-read them), he DID have time to proof-read said Book (all 650 pages), and make a list of 200 "errors" (actually, areas where he thought he could do it better than they did). Then, he sent the list to me (remember, we are at the same level in the company), with the note:

"Please fix these. It's embarrassing selling a product with so many errors in it."

Right. Even if these WERE errors (and any reference book will have a few), WE DON'T PUBLISH THIS BOOK. We just distribute it. I am not calling up Book Publisher and telling them that we demand that they fix their book, just because a new staff-member thinks he can write it better than they can. I really don't need to be known in the trade as a complete idiot, thank you very much.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Zen Angel on November 26, 2008, 03:20:35 AM
Ooo.  I have a story from the Smiley Face store, where I work at the customer service desk.

I had a guy call me and ask if we had a certain bed in stock.  I had the department manager check for me, and we had none on the floor, and she even went so far as to check in back, since we will occasionally have big bulky items back there.  We didn't have any, and I let the guy know.  He then said "Okay.  Now check the back, because that's where I got this one and guy who got it for me told me yesterday that there were 2 back there."  I told him we had checked the back already, and there were none.  He argued with me until I finally told him I'd have them look again, put him back on hold for 5 minutes and then told him the exact same thing.  He then goes "Fine.  My phone number is 555-5555 and my name is Gerald.  Call the other stores in the area to find if they have the item then call me back sometime before 4"  He then hung up as I was sitting a little speechless.  I mean, we'll gladly call other stores for customers IF THEY'RE IN THE STORE.  It was extremely busy that day, I was doing both the phones and waiting on customers, I was the only one at the desk (and it was already 3:30) and this guy wanted me to drop everything and do his shopping over the phone for him.

Needless to say, I didn't actually call anyone and as far as I know, he never called back asking about it.


WOW. That's some unmitigated gall there!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Zen Angel on November 26, 2008, 03:22:47 AM
I once heard, many years ago, that the McDonald's restaurants in France serve horse meat. This could very well be an urban legend, though.

It is an urban legend. The story I heard is that, back in the dawn of time, when McDonald's first came to France (1970s), one of the franchisees used a certain portion of horse meat. Corporate quickly put an end to that. Horse meat is now more expensive than beef, so you can rest assured that your McD's burger is as much 100% beef as anywhere else.

Some of the limited edition burgers in France are quite strange (bearnaise sauce, anyone?) and they have McCroqueMonsieurs.



Thanks...I'd always wondered if that one was true or not.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 26, 2008, 07:47:51 AM
We had one the other day in my store.  We currently are running a coupon for 30% off EVERYTHING, which normally includes sales as well as full price.  we also have 40% off sale.  as well as several other BOGO promos, NONE of which can be combined, except with the % off for opening a store charge.  So that means now if someone buys full and sale price stuff, they get 30% off the full, and 40% off the sale. 

We had a customer the other night who tried to argue that she should get 30%, and THEN 40% off the sale stuff.  I don't think so, it SAYS on the coupon "may not be combined with any other offers" and the reason its worded like that is so that it covers sales, promos, etc.  She tried to say that a sale wasn't an offer.  Yeah, ok, maybe on your planet, but not on mine!  I thought it was interesting she expected to get almost 70% off something that was already marked down to about half the original price! 

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FoxPaws on November 26, 2008, 08:01:08 AM
We had a customer the other night who tried to argue that she should get 30%, and THEN 40% off the sale stuff.  I don't think so, it SAYS on the coupon "may not be combined with any other offers" and the reason its worded like that is so that it covers sales, promos, etc.  She tried to say that a sale wasn't an offer.  Yeah, ok, maybe on your planet, but not on mine!  I thought it was interesting she expected to get almost 70% off something that was already marked down to about half the original price! 
In our business, we get people who have Corporate Pricing, and then want to use promotion coupons with it. Nope, it's one or the other as clearly stated on the coupon (and probably the pricing contract as well). After trying various ways of explaining this to the stubborn and obtuse persistent and confused, I finally came up with, "No double dipping!" Somehow, they seem to get that.  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: audrey1962 on November 26, 2008, 08:58:24 AM
"Please fix these. It's embarrassing selling a product with so many errors in it."

Right. Even if these WERE errors (and any reference book will have a few), WE DON'T PUBLISH THIS BOOK. We just distribute it. I am not calling up Book Publisher and telling them that we demand that they fix their book, just because a new staff-member thinks he can write it better than they can. I really don't need to be known in the trade as a complete idiot, thank you very much.

What did you tell him?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Twik on November 26, 2008, 09:33:47 AM
"Please fix these. It's embarrassing selling a product with so many errors in it."

Right. Even if these WERE errors (and any reference book will have a few), WE DON'T PUBLISH THIS BOOK. We just distribute it. I am not calling up Book Publisher and telling them that we demand that they fix their book, just because a new staff-member thinks he can write it better than they can. I really don't need to be known in the trade as a complete idiot, thank you very much.

What did you tell him?

Basically, I reminded him that we can't rewrite someone else's book, but fortunately the book includes contact information for the organization who DOES publish it, so he should call them directly to "get the changes made".

Yeah, I'm evil. >:D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: SaphireSnap on November 26, 2008, 10:14:34 AM
When I was a waitress, I had someone ask if I could have the chefs remove all the fat from her pulled pork.  On a busy Saturday night.

She got mad when I told her that unfortunately, pork was a fatty meat and the chefs were not allowed to poke through her entree. 

I also had a woman come in during the dinner rush on a Friday night when I worked at a restaurant famous for having talking animals on the walls, making it a popular place to bring children.  When I sat her down (after she waited an hour), she looked at me and said, "I don't like children.  Can we get a table that isn't near kids."  Seriously lady?  Its six o'clock and there is a talking buffalo on the wall.  What were you expecting?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 26, 2008, 10:34:30 AM
Seriously lady?  Its six o'clock and there is a talking buffalo on the wall.  What were you expecting?
Ok, that may well be the best line today. :D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Soxylady on November 26, 2008, 10:35:05 AM
Its six o'clock and there is a talking buffalo on the wall.  What were you expecting?

This is my new favorite sentence EVER.

So, I work for a health insurance company (US).  My team handles the EOCs, which are booklets that explain your benefits, cost sharing, and all sorts of legal mumbo jumbo.  My coworker once had the following conversation with another coworker, who should know how the process works:

Moron: Can you tell me when you do the EOC mailing for Important Employer Group?

Coworker: We don't do a single mailing.  The employer gets a copy when they sign the contract, and employees have a copy mailed to their home when they enroll.

Moron: Yeah, but when's the employee mailing?

Coworker: There is no mailing.  EOCs are mailed on a rolling basis when employees enroll.

Moron: I don't understand why you are being so difficult.  This is not a hard question.  When do you do the mass employee mailing?

Coworker: June 31.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wazzer on November 26, 2008, 04:18:04 PM
Its six o'clock and there is a talking buffalo on the wall.  What were you expecting?

This is my new favorite sentence EVER.

So, I work for a health insurance company (US).  My team handles the EOCs, which are booklets that explain your benefits, cost sharing, and all sorts of legal mumbo jumbo.  My coworker once had the following conversation with another coworker, who should know how the process works:

Moron: Can you tell me when you do the EOC mailing for Important Employer Group?

Coworker: We don't do a single mailing.  The employer gets a copy when they sign the contract, and employees have a copy mailed to their home when they enroll.

Moron: Yeah, but when's the employee mailing?

Coworker: There is no mailing.  EOCs are mailed on a rolling basis when employees enroll.

Moron: I don't understand why you are being so difficult.  This is not a hard question.  When do you do the mass employee mailing?

Coworker: June 31.

LOL!  But what did the moron say?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Akarui Kibuno on November 26, 2008, 04:38:06 PM
I have to admit I've never tried the McCroque (true name: Croque McDo). From the ads, it looks like just ham and cheese, toasted, without the cheese on top. Kind of a lackluster grilled ham and cheese. Oh, except that, for no discernable reason, it's round.

That is rather disappointing. I love a good grilled ham & cheese, but I'd never call it a McCroque - that implies a different type of sandwich.

Sounds like Burger King's Hamlet (round bun, cheese, egg, ham, and honey butter) which are actually pretty good.

Off-topic : The Croque McDo is my guilty McD's pleasure.

All that cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............eeeh... don't mind me, I'll go hide now :P .
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Soxylady on November 26, 2008, 05:14:44 PM
Moron: I don't understand why you are being so difficult.  This is not a hard question.  When do you do the mass employee mailing?

Coworker: June 31.

LOL!  But what did the moron say?

She just thanked Coworker and hung up.  I don't know if she ever caught on, but she never said anything to Coworker.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Coruscation on November 26, 2008, 05:56:02 PM
Its six o'clock and there is a talking buffalo on the wall.  What were you expecting?

Coworker: June 31.

LOL!  But what did the moron say?

During the court case for custody, dh's ex made a complaint about something he allegedly did on the 31st of June. In a legal document which presumably was read by at least one solicitor and submitted to a judge. He denied the action and the existence of the date and the issue sank without trace.

It wasn't a typo either. The next sentence was "A few days later, ie. early July he..."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Lady Snowdon on November 26, 2008, 06:04:10 PM
I had one today.  Everybody who calls into my call center is living in the US, which becomes relevant in a moment.  A person called in to schedule a review, and asked if we had any times left "this week".  I said, "Unfortunately not, we are closed tomorrow and Friday, so we will need to look into next week".  Person paused on the phone and finally said, "So I can't schedule anything for tomorrow then?".  I repeated, "Unfortunately not, we are closed tomorrow for the holiday".  Person on the phone said, "Holiday?" in a very confused tone of voice, like they had no idea what holiday tomorrow is, for the US.  I replied, "Yes, we are closed for Thanksgiving, as well as the day after".  Cue long pause, after which the person said, "Umm, so can I do the review on Friday?".  I finally got it scheduled for next week, but it was a little harrowing there for a few minutes. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: elysabethe on November 26, 2008, 06:54:24 PM
Ooh, just got one a couple of hours ago.  *still fuming*

Client Liaison comes to me and says I need to do some changes in order to close our phone lines for tomorrow because the client forgot about Thanksgiving.  I tell Client Liaison that it is currently less than 3 hours before the close of business for the day and that I will do my best, but it may be best if the client does what they need to do in order to shut down their end, since they forgot.

This is where she 'fesses up that it wasn't the client who did the forgetting after all but her, so we needed to do this.  I explained that it was awfully late notice but that I would try.  Her response:  "Look, this is our mistake so you need to get this done!"  I'm sorry but *our* mistake?  and *I* need to get it done?  Of course, this makes me want to just run right out and get cracking on that.

So I told her that she would need to fill out a client change form at the very least so we can have documentation of the request, and then I would do my best to work on it.

CL:  "I don't have time for this!  I have to leave for my parents' house for Thanksgiving in an hour and I need to get out of here!  You are a support team, so support me!"

I have now relayed this lovely little gem to my boss, who is allowing me to pass this off on one of my coworkers who is in the Canadian Maritimes, and will take care of this request tomorrow morning at four a.m. Pacific time.  It will be done, and it will be done (just) on time, but it should give her plenty to stew about in the meantime.  I love the implication that her time is more important than mine, and that I need to save her proverbial rump because she "forgot" Thanksgiving (but when it came to making plans with her family she sure remembered it.)

I suppose this doesn't count as an "impossible" request because we are able, with a lot of headaches, to get the end result she wanted, but the sense of entitlement is completely over the top.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MyFamily on November 27, 2008, 08:02:58 AM
elysabethe - I'm glad that your boss is supporting you on this one.  I hope someone will be having a nice talk with Client Liaison upon her return from thanksgiving at her parents.

I was just reminded of my own event.  I work at a non-profit.  We send out statements based on pledges and other items owed to us.  One time a statement came back with a note scrawled on it to pay the pledge on their credit card, but did not include a credit card number.  We do not store credit card numbers except for people who have a monthly pledge they want put on their credit cards, and that is not a common thing.  So, the bookkeeper was very busy and asked if I'd call the donor and ask for their credit card number. 

So, I did.  And got yelled at because the credit card number was written on the statement.

Me: No, I'm sorry, sir, there is no number on here.
Him: I told my assistant to do it and she doesn't make mistakes. (I remember that line very clearly)

And then he proceeds to yell and tell me this is all MY fault and I'm incompetent and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  He did finally give me the number and we did process the payment, but there is note in his file that only our Exec. Dir. calls him for now on.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sycorax on November 27, 2008, 10:48:31 AM
Just today I had a call by one of my favourite customers, Ms Boomerang. Said lady, the relict of a very wealthy jeweler, owns more money than common sense and therefore loves to buy horses she can't deal with (actually the only kind of horse she could deal with would be a very patient, older, very well educated one with not too big gaits because she's really not a wonder in the saddle. However, she always buys young horses with very big gaits and a lot of temper). Actually it's good for our business because it makes for at least three of her seven or eight horses always being with us for becoming "corrected" by our team. On the other hand dealing with her horses is kind of frustrating for our team because it's always the same deal: The horse comes to us because Ms B. can't handle it anymore - she's either got it to refuse any work or to storm away under the saddle. Our riders work for three months to correct the problem and then give the horse back to Ms B. Three or four months later she's got the poor horse to refuse or to run again and so it comes back to us where the circle starts anew (that's why she's called Ms Boomerang - her horses are boomerangs which always come back to us).

Well, today Ms Boomerang - who's in the moment having three of her horses with us - called and told me that she's to do four weeks of cruising around Christmas: Hawaii, the South Sea, some sun and palms and fun. Nice for her. Only she's got what she called "a little problem": The poor guy who's dealing with her horses at home is away in this time too (considering that she isn't his only difficult customer, I think he needs a break). "You know I'm very particular who I trust with my horses and so I'd like to get them to you during these four weeks. It's only four of them and I know, around Christmas you have always a few stalls free. So it won't be a problem for you, darling, right?"

Yes, of course I want to have four horses more to deal with around Christmas! It's not as if my people would want to have a few days off during this time too. They would all be completely happy if I'd get them a full program with the stables full around Christmas. Only ... well, our No.2 rider comes from Denmark and at Christmas she wants to visit with her family. No problem for us - somehow we manage to get the five horses she's normally responsible for (and two of them are sports horses who'll go to events in spring what means one can't simply put them on the meadow and be done with. They need to be worked at least one hour a day for staying fit) getting their work out every day. And no, I don't mind in the least that at this time I'll have to do the feeding on my own because our forage master wants to visit with his family (around 600 km away) too. And me having three stalls free means that I was totally longing for filling them up just for Christmas because with only half of the team at home we could become bored if we wouldn't have enough horses. Besides it's always my pleasure to have four new horses and only three stalls for them. I just could put up a mobile box in the barn. That would only mean a horse who needs to get around 60 l of water in buckets every day. It would certainly be my pleasure to do all that for Ms Boomerang so she can enjoy her cruise.

Sycorax
"And in the nights I could drive to her house for watering the flowers, couldn't I?"
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: VorFemme on November 27, 2008, 07:09:20 PM
Ride the horses over to Mrs. Boomerang's house and let THEM "water the flowers" - that way one of the stalls will just about always be empty AND they will get plenty of exercise............although the rider might have to learn to sleep in the saddle...........
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sycorax on November 27, 2008, 07:20:59 PM
Great idea, VorFemme,

Ride the horses over to Mrs. Boomerang's house and let THEM "water the flowers" - that way one of the stalls will just about always be empty AND they will get plenty of exercise............although the rider might have to learn to sleep in the saddle...........
The rider wouldn't even need to sleep in the saddle - Mrs. Boomerang lives only around one hour (on horseback) away from us. And it certainly would be interesting to know how her big collection of Svaroviski kitsch would look after a horse was in her living room.  >:D
However, Mrs. Boomerang is now probably considering to take the two of her horses who are with us away for good. After I declined her wish by telling her that I don't have enough staff around to Christmas to take in four horses more, she called my hubby to complain about me. Only he wasn't as supporting and nice as she hoped, but told her that I'm doing the stable management. "And she's doing it great, so I certainly don't have a reason to interfere."

While she's probably fuming now, the entire stable team wonders when she'll get that being pretty and rich doesn't work with all men.

Sycorax
"On the other hand: If she'd take all her horses away, we would miss something. It's always rather funny to watch her attempts at flirting with my husband."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: housewife2k on November 27, 2008, 07:42:04 PM
A cousin relayed this to me over TG dinner.
He is working at a grocery store that has a bakery in it.
They were open until noon today.
They had a customer call at 11:30 asking if they had any bakery made pumpkin pies and blueberry pies left in stock.
No, replied Cousin, they do not.
Well, you do have a bakery on site?
Yes, replied cousin.
Well, can't you just go and make me ten of each?

Cousin said he tried rather hard to explain why, half an hour before closing, on Thanksgiving, they could just not pop in the bakery and whip up 20 pies. Why, half an hour before closing on ANY day they could not do this, but the customer was adamant that, they, as the customer was always right.

Cousin gave the phone to his manager, who explained that they had 3 cherry, 2 blueberry and 2 apple pies left in the freezer, and that would be it until the truck came in the morning, but that they would be happy to hold them for the customer.

No, said the customer, not good enough, they cannot use frozen pie, they promised to bring 20 fresh pies to a function, and they needed them now. No one told them that they would have to preorder, and this is the FIFTH store they called.

Cousin said that manager was still on the phone with this person ten minutes after closing.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: PeterM on November 27, 2008, 08:55:26 PM
No, said the customer, not good enough, they cannot use frozen pie, they promised to bring 20 fresh pies to a function, and they needed them now. No one told them that they would have to preorder, and this is the FIFTH store they called.

I'm trying to imagine how someone was supposed to tell him he had to pre-order before he actually contacted the bakeries to inquire about the pies. The only thing that comes to mind is some kind of Force-related precognitive telepathy.

Idiot Customer: "Hey, I've got an idea. I'll promise to bring 20 pies for this function. I'll just call the bakeries the morning of. That'll work just fine, I'm sure."

Jedi Baker: "Call to pre-order, Luke!"

IC: "Who said that? God? Is that you?"

JB: "Wrong skit. There's no ark in this one. Call to pre-order the pies, you moron!"

IC: "I don't see why I should have to. How long can it possibly take to bake 20 pies?"

JB: "Oh, for... Okay, fine, do it your way. But answer me this."

IC: "What?"

JB: "How long can you tread water?"

Quote
Cousin said that manager was still on the phone with this person ten minutes after closing.

No way would I ever spend that long on the phone with someone that stupid. At a certain point you just have to wish them luck and hang up the phone. Of course, there's every possibility the uber-boss at the store is of the "The customer is always right, even when they're morons" philosophy.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: housewife2k on November 27, 2008, 09:03:16 PM
PeterM- I really need to have a rolling on the floor, hyperventilating because they are laughing so hard icon.

"Call to pre-order, Luke" is totally going to be the header on the next to do list that I make.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Black Delphinium on November 27, 2008, 09:04:33 PM
Do Jedis come in wedding planners as well?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Tierrainney on November 27, 2008, 10:10:34 PM
No, said the customer, not good enough, they cannot use frozen pie, they promised to bring 20 fresh pies to a function, and they needed them now. No one told them that they would have to preorder, and this is the FIFTH store they called.

I'm trying to imagine how someone was supposed to tell him he had to pre-order before he actually contacted the bakeries to inquire about the pies. The only thing that comes to mind is some kind of Force-related precognitive telepathy.

Idiot Customer: "Hey, I've got an idea. I'll promise to bring 20 pies for this function. I'll just call the bakeries the morning of. That'll work just fine, I'm sure."

Jedi Baker: "Call to pre-order, Luke!"

IC: "Who said that? God? Is that you?"

JB: "Wrong skit. There's no ark in this one. Call to pre-order the pies, you moron!"

IC: "I don't see why I should have to. How long can it possibly take to bake 20 pies?"

JB: "Oh, for... Okay, fine, do it your way. But answer me this."

IC: "What?"

JB: "How long can you tread water?"

Quote
Cousin said that manager was still on the phone with this person ten minutes after closing.

No way would I ever spend that long on the phone with someone that stupid. At a certain point you just have to wish them luck and hang up the phone. Of course, there's every possibility the uber-boss at the store is of the "The customer is always right, even when they're morons" philosophy.

How can you not know to pre-order?  I ordered my daughter a birthday cake recently and was worried that three days was not going to be enough time.  But it was the first day I could get her to the store with me so she could pick out the cake she wanted.  It was plenty of time and the cake was delicious. 

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Kaylee on November 27, 2008, 10:13:32 PM

JB: "How long can you tread water?"

Fifty bonus points for the sneak Cosby reference.   8)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kareng57 on November 27, 2008, 11:08:19 PM
Ooh, just got one a couple of hours ago.  *still fuming*

Client Liaison comes to me and says I need to do some changes in order to close our phone lines for tomorrow because the client forgot about Thanksgiving.  I tell Client Liaison that it is currently less than 3 hours before the close of business for the day and that I will do my best, but it may be best if the client does what they need to do in order to shut down their end, since they forgot.

This is where she 'fesses up that it wasn't the client who did the forgetting after all but her, so we needed to do this.  I explained that it was awfully late notice but that I would try.  Her response:  "Look, this is our mistake so you need to get this done!"  I'm sorry but *our* mistake?  and *I* need to get it done?  Of course, this makes me want to just run right out and get cracking on that.

So I told her that she would need to fill out a client change form at the very least so we can have documentation of the request, and then I would do my best to work on it.

CL:  "I don't have time for this!  I have to leave for my parents' house for Thanksgiving in an hour and I need to get out of here!  You are a support team, so support me!"

I have now relayed this lovely little gem to my boss, who is allowing me to pass this off on one of my coworkers who is in the Canadian Maritimes, and will take care of this request tomorrow morning at four a.m. Pacific time.  It will be done, and it will be done (just) on time, but it should give her plenty to stew about in the meantime.  I love the implication that her time is more important than mine, and that I need to save her proverbial rump because she "forgot" Thanksgiving (but when it came to making plans with her family she sure remembered it.)

I suppose this doesn't count as an "impossible" request because we are able, with a lot of headaches, to get the end result she wanted, but the sense of entitlement is completely over the top.

Oh, do I ever hear you.  I'm not sure whether your "client laisons" means sales-reps but it might be pretty close.  I work in the finance-department of my company and sales-reps quite often do approach me, wanting changes in things like payment terms for their customers.

Usually it's not my call in the end, anyway, I have to get my boss to approve stuff like this.  But for a sales rep who says something like "honestly, I realize that I messed up and didn't write the contract up properly - can you do anything, thanks for your efforts" - I'll go the extra mile for him/her.  For the prima-donna who says "well, of COURSE everyone there should have been expected to know that the terms weren't the way that I wrote them, I've been doing sales for years, don't you know who I AM, I don't have time for this.." - okay, I won't ignore the account - but I'll probably be somewhat slower in fixing things up.  Lesson to sales-reps - don't tick-off the support-staff.  Do remember that we can make the difference as to how soon you get your commissions.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 28, 2008, 12:26:20 AM
I have an unreasonable season story as well from today. I just haven't gotten within arms length of a computer for long enough to post it. :D

Things being what they are, I made three trips to Wally World, the only grocery store close to my parents' house. On the second trip (probably about 11 a.m.) I stopped by the fruit stand on the roadside on the way to pick up some of his incredibly delicious dollar-a-bag tangerines.* There was a man there who wanted ... a pumpkin. Today.

"Jeff", the guy who runs the stand, explained that they were out of pumpkins. The customer insisted that he drove past there every day and there were plenty of pumpkins. Jeff said yes, they did have pumpkins at one point, but sold most of them before Halloween and only kept a small number of "pie pumpkins" on hand, all of which he had sold by the Sunday previous. The guy just couldn't accept "all the pumpkins are gone." He kept arguing and arguing.

The thing is, this fruit stand is maybe 25x20. All the tables are elevated, and there's nothing but empty ground under them. Most of the tables were empty - there was a modest pile of tomatoes, some potatos and sweet potatoes, some squash and a table with various citrus, and that was it.

Where did this guy think the pumpkin was hiding? Seriously.


*PSA: It's tangerine season (a little early this year) And they were perfection. :D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on November 28, 2008, 06:34:35 AM

Where did this guy think the pumpkin was hiding? Seriously.



In the (nonexistent) stockroom!  Can you please go check?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sleepingmediocre on November 28, 2008, 02:31:41 PM
I was at the local LNT last weekend, and I overheard a gem of a conversation between a customer and an employee.  The store is going out of business, as is every other store in the chain, and the customer had come in to get a good bargain on some towels.  The trouble was that the store only had four towels left in the style and color the customer wanted, and she had her heart set on six.  So...she wanted to know if the employee would please CHECK THE BACK and see if any more of those kind of towels had come in!   :o

The employee was very polite, and patiently explained to the customer that all the available stock was already on the shelves.  If Evil Sleepingmediocre had been talking to that lady, she would have been hard put not to ask, "What part of GOING OUT OF BUSINESS do you not understand?  There is NO MORE merchandise coming in.  Ever."   ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on November 28, 2008, 02:43:53 PM

Where did this guy think the pumpkin was hiding? Seriously.



In the (nonexistent) stockroom!  Can you please go check?
Right. :D The "back room" is a small wooded lot that backs up to a gas station parking lot. It was so obvious there was no pumpkin to be had.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Beyond The Veil on November 28, 2008, 06:14:52 PM
A customer asked my husband, "How come you're working on Thanksgiving?" yesterday.  >:(
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kherbert05 on November 28, 2008, 06:55:23 PM
A customer asked my husband, "How come you're working on Thanksgiving?" yesterday.  >:(

Because my bosses can make a buck off people like you shopping on Thanksgiving.

I make it a point to get everything I need and fill up my tank before
New Years Day
Easter Weekend
Memorial day
4th of July
Labor Day
Thanksgiving
Christmas Eve/Day

because I don't think businesses should be open forcing people to work instead of being with their families.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wazzer on November 28, 2008, 08:01:27 PM
A customer asked my husband, "How come you're working on Thanksgiving?" yesterday.  >:(

That reminds me of people who go out for lunch after church service, then chide the waitress for working on Sunday.  (I read that on another website dealing with customers).
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: dawbs on November 28, 2008, 08:08:23 PM
A customer asked my husband, "How come you're working on Thanksgiving?" yesterday.  >:(

Because my bosses can make a buck off people like you shopping on Thanksgiving.

I make it a point to get everything I need and fill up my tank before
New Years Day
Easter Weekend
Memorial day
4th of July
Labor Day
Thanksgiving
Christmas Eve/Day

because I don't think businesses should be open forcing people to work instead of being with their families.

When I got to my parent's house yesterday, my dad apologized for not having one small food item...
But explained that he refused to go to *big box store* and make it profitable for them to have some sucker working for minimum wage on a holiday.  I agreed with him
(although, I must say, I always worked labor day/memorial day/independence day/non-'family oriented' holidays for my family when I worked a job where I made triple time doing it...5 days a year they paid me what I was worth  ;))
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Lauren on November 29, 2008, 03:19:31 AM
Thankfully at every work I've been at, public holidays have always been strictly volunteer.

I did have people at my last job say to me "Its TERRIBLE that they make you work Xmas" There's really no (polite) comeback to that.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MissRose on November 29, 2008, 04:53:59 AM
I've heard the "you have to work the (holiday name)" too many times... ::)

There are certain professions that can't avoid not working holidays -  examples include: police, EMTs, firefighters, doctors, nurses, many people in media related jobs, and technical support. 

At least at my places, holiday pay is offered, free food often brought in by a boss, and its pretty quiet in terms of phone calls to the tech support line.  Also, the bosses will work the list of people by seniority to schedule for holidays - those with seniority can say no to working first if they want, and its been rare when people are being forced to work.  Now that I have seniority, if a holiday that we get paid for is on a day i normally work, then i volunteer for an early start shift.  If its on a day off that i normally i have, i politely decline to work.  I make sure months ahead if i know that Thanksgiving and Xmas are days I normally have to work, that i've got my time off.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FoxPaws on November 29, 2008, 05:13:38 AM
For some of us, the uh....."joys" of a family holiday are such that working is the more attractive option. I am secretly hoping we'll be open on Christmas - it would give me an out and spare me a tension headache. :-\
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: iridaceae on November 29, 2008, 06:23:54 AM
I've heard the "you have to work the (holiday name)" too many times... ::)

There are certain professions that can't avoid not working holidays -  examples include: police, EMTs, firefighters, doctors, nurses, many people in media related jobs, and technical support. 


I work in a hotel. They don't close for Thanksgiving, and I'm guessing all the people staying there don't want the help to not show up Thanksgiving Day.

I am constantly amazed at guests who don't think to ask before booking if we have microwaves (no) and get huffy when I tell them politely that no, we have no microwaves for guests to use, nor for me to send to their rooms.  Yes, I'll just go down to WalMart and buy you one, shall I?

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Lauren on November 29, 2008, 07:40:04 AM
My work is a 24 hour company (glass) so we really don't have an option not to open. People still need their glass fixed A/H. We obviously advertise this fact. Its amazing how many people think that just because we operate 24 hours means that of course we can do a job any time they like! Now I'm quite happy to send a glazier out to you at that time of day, however you're going to pay a premium for it! 24 hour service does NOT mean that you don't pay for the privilage! Call a plumber at 10pm and see if they'll come out for their normal call out fee.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on November 29, 2008, 12:09:44 PM
I used to work weekends (still do sometimes) because I transcribed for a hospital...which, of course, is open 24/7.  The person I worked with would invariably flake out on the weekends, usually with the excuse that she had to "spend time with her children."  I'm child-free, but it seemed very convenient to me that she'd always have to "spend time with her children" when there was a long list of dictations to type.  She also did this on a weekend when I was participating in an Easter production at my church and playing my clarinet with the orchestra, so I had to fit 9 hours of dictations (I'm not exaggerating) around three programs.  She eventually quit because she didn't like working on weekends. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: nutraxfornerves on November 29, 2008, 12:45:02 PM
I was working for a government agency that regulated certain farm practices. We were planning a cooperative research project that involved collecting samples from farm fields during regular farm activities. The folks at that other agency primarily worked with 9-5 businesses. They asked us to schedule the sampling during regular business hours because staff didn't like working evenings, weekends and holidays, and besides, they might have to pay overtime. They just couldn't grasp that farming is a 24/7 operation and farmers can't make the weather cooperate, much less order fruit to become ripe on a certain date or do long range forecasting of plagues of locusts.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on November 29, 2008, 01:04:39 PM
All this talk about working on the holidays reminds me of a story....

I worked at a big box "superstore" that was like WallyWorld, but not. They are a regional chain and only in the Midwest.

Anyway, about a week before TDay, all the "oldtimers" (people who had been there awhile), told me not to worry about eating on TDay because there would be plenty of food. The GM always bought a turkey and ham and Corporate would supply the side dishes. This did not sound too appitizing for me because I was not about to eat food that way sitting out all day. (I worked 4pm-Midnight) So I went to my mom's house like I always do and ate....good thing I did!

You want to know what our big dinner was? Pumpkin pies from the bakery. That was it. Nothing else. Not even turkey! Man were people mad. I asked my Team Leader what was up and she said TPTB decided not to do it that year....all I know was, what a way to show how much you appreciate your employees!

Also, when I worked at this store, I let my manager know that I could not work on Sundays or Wednesdays. He was fine with that, since I was availible for Fri and Sat. When Christmas rolled around that year, Christmas Eve fell on a Sunday. I did not expect to get that day off. But I did. One of my co-workers was just incensed that I got that day off. No matter that it was on of my regular days off. She kept saying "I have three kids...I should get Sun. off.." I told her, "Misty, so do I and so do a lot of other people in this store. But we show up for work on holidays just like everyone else here and try not to complain too much"

She complained about it so much that I finally told her that if she hated it that much to quit. Funny, she decided she needed her job...

Ginger
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Elle on November 29, 2008, 01:39:06 PM
I'll admit to being on of those people who realizes she forgot something important on holidays and has to run to the store. But I don't get upset if they don't have Incredibly-Popular-Traditional-Food-Item. And on the way out I tell the cashier "I am sooo sorry I'm making you work today."

I feel bad about it, but when you need kitchen twine to tie up the turkey, you need kitchen twine. (Actually they wee out of twine so I used a new pair of shoelaces with the plastic ends cut off)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Animala on November 29, 2008, 07:09:12 PM
I used white crochet thread.  It worked very well.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Elle on November 29, 2008, 09:03:19 PM
I used white crochet thread.  It worked very well.

I was worried about the acrylic melting in the oven (I start off with a blast furnace of 500 degrees and then turn it down)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Suze on November 29, 2008, 09:27:39 PM
I used white crochet thread.  It worked very well.

I was worried about the acrylic melting in the oven (I start off with a blast furnace of 500 degrees and then turn it down)

the crochet thread I have is 100% cotten
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Animala on November 29, 2008, 10:27:38 PM
Mine too, I just have the basic stuff since I crochet disabled.  I use it to tat actually.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Hushabye on November 30, 2008, 09:17:02 AM
I'll admit to being on of those people who realizes she forgot something important on holidays and has to run to the store. But I don't get upset if they don't have Incredibly-Popular-Traditional-Food-Item. And on the way out I tell the cashier "I am sooo sorry I'm making you work today."

I feel bad about it, but when you need kitchen twine to tie up the turkey, you need kitchen twine. (Actually they wee out of twine so I used a new pair of shoelaces with the plastic ends cut off)

Yeah, we had to run out and get crescent rolls at the last minute before driving off to dinner.  Got to the store a whole 15 minutes before they closed.  I felt so bad to be contributing to the people who were there having to be there...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: mbbored on November 30, 2008, 11:11:24 AM
I'll admit to being on of those people who realizes she forgot something important on holidays and has to run to the store. But I don't get upset if they don't have Incredibly-Popular-Traditional-Food-Item. And on the way out I tell the cashier "I am sooo sorry I'm making you work today."

I feel bad about it, but when you need kitchen twine to tie up the turkey, you need kitchen twine. (Actually they wee out of twine so I used a new pair of shoelaces with the plastic ends cut off)

As somebody who's worked holidays in the past, I didn't always entirely mind.  Sometimes it got me out of cooking and cleaning the house and away from bickering family members.  Other times, it's because I didn't have plans, and it beat sitting at home thinking about that.  Of course, this isn't true 100% of the time, but on average it wasn't bad.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Black Delphinium on November 30, 2008, 11:54:13 AM
As a former grocery story cashier, we don't mind the in-and-out holiday crowds. We mind the come-in-and-buy-everything-and-complain-that-we're-out-of-things crowd.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on November 30, 2008, 12:47:09 PM
As a former grocery story cashier, we don't mind the in-and-out holiday crowds. We mind the come-in-and-buy-everything-and-complain-that-we're-out-of-things crowd.

POD big time. 

This isn't exactly the same, but years ago I worked in a Navy commissary.  One time a Navy commander (O5 if you know ranks) came in at one of our busiest times to get some coffee, sugar, cream, etc.  When he found out that there was a line even at the cash register where military members in uniform had priority, he threw all his coffee stuff on the floor and pitched a fit.  A rear admiral (O7, which means he outranked this individual) who was waiting in line with his wife stepped in and told our store manager he'd take care of it.  The commander had to clean up his mess and then stand at attention outside our front door for two hours. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: auroratudor on November 30, 2008, 02:43:15 PM
I remember when I was working at McD's and this lady asked for a large Pepsi....and me trying to explain that we only sold Coke products.

She was actually trying to argue that she bought a Pepsi from us last week! Then I had the Manager explain that we did not now, or ever, sell Pepsi products. He even told her that if she wanted a Pepsi, that Dairy Queen across the street had Pepsi.

She ended up getting a Coke, but was still upset that we "discontinued" Pepsi....

Ginger

I worked at a "castle" on the central coast of California. To see the "castle" you had to book one of 5 tours. It had been this way since the family gave the house to the state almost half a century ago. From day one of this tourist attraction opening to the public, you could ONLY see the house by taking a tour.

At least once a day, down in the visitors' center, I would have this conversation with a customer:

Tourist: Can you just drive up and walk around the castle yourself?
Me: No, you have to take a bus up and then take a tour.
Tourist: When did they change it?
Me: Oh, they didn't. It's always been like that.
Tourist: No it hasn't. I came when I was 5 and I know we drove up and walked around ourselves.
Me: No, I promise you didn't/Oh really? It seems a lot of people have that memory/Yes, they told us you'd say that in training/How interesting. Well, have a nice tour! depending on my mood that day.

Seriously, HUNDREDS of people remember something that never happened from when they were 5. I don't know why.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: vTenebrae on November 30, 2008, 03:00:13 PM
As a former grocery story cashier, we don't mind the in-and-out holiday crowds. We mind the come-in-and-buy-everything-and-complain-that-we're-out-of-things crowd.

POD big time. 

This isn't exactly the same, but years ago I worked in a Navy commissary.  One time a Navy commander (O5 if you know ranks) came in at one of our busiest times to get some coffee, sugar, cream, etc.  When he found out that there was a line even at the cash register where military members in uniform had priority, he threw all his coffee stuff on the floor and pitched a fit.  A rear admiral (O7, which means he outranked this individual) who was waiting in line with his wife stepped in and told our store manager he'd take care of it.  The commander had to clean up his mess and then stand at attention outside our front door for two hours. 

Oh man, I had a few officers whom I would have loved to have had an admiral around when they were throwing their snits.  That's just awesome.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on November 30, 2008, 03:06:13 PM
That's surprising...I don't remember much about when I was 5 except going to kindergarten... ::)

I remember when I worked at a convienence store, people (usually guys) would come in and go back to the cold drink case and stand and look for about 30 seconds and then come up to me and ask: "Where's your beer?"

Me: We don't carry alcohol in this store, sir, you'll have to go to a grocery store or liquire store to get it.
Customer: Why don't you got any beer? (yes they talked this way)
Me: I don't know. You'll have to call corporate and ask them. Is there anything else I can get you?
Customer: You know where any stores that sell cold beer are at?
Me: *head meets counter as line grows* No sir, sorry, I don't.
Customer: [bad word used for a female dog].

All because we didn't sell cold beer. Yes, the lowly cashier at the store has control over whether or not the store carries a liquire license... ::)

I used to swear that our store would go out of business if we were ever out of pop, cigerettes and lottery tickets. Our state had a very popular scratch-off lotto ticket for years (it enabled you to get on the game show) and our store ran out. People were PO'd!

Ginger
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: vTenebrae on November 30, 2008, 03:19:24 PM
I worked at a "castle" on the central coast of California.

If you tell me you worked at the "Mystery" house.. I will just weep.  I was in CA for 3 years and never got the chance to see that.  Always wanted to.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: artk2002 on November 30, 2008, 03:38:35 PM
I worked at a "castle" on the central coast of California.

If you tell me you worked at the "Mystery" house.. I will just weep.  I was in CA for 3 years and never got the chance to see that.  Always wanted to.

Dont' know why Auroratudor is being coy -- from her description, it's the Hearst Castle, which is certainly worth seeing.

BTW, see the Mystery house -- it's cool!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: auroratudor on November 30, 2008, 04:02:17 PM
Yeah, it is Hearst Castle. I never know when we are supposed to disguise stuff on here. I've been to the mystery house too, and it is cool. I especially like the Tiffany stained glass window that is in the middle of the house and gets no sunlight.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on November 30, 2008, 04:20:58 PM
I worked at a "castle" on the central coast of California.

If you tell me you worked at the "Mystery" house.. I will just weep.  I was in CA for 3 years and never got the chance to see that.  Always wanted to.

I lived in California from 1972 until 2004 and lived within 150 miles of it and never made it there.  It's one of the few things about California that I wish I hadn't missed. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: redcat on December 01, 2008, 05:38:48 AM
Quote
If you tell me you worked at the "Mystery" house.. I will just weep.

Is that the one built by a woman who thought she'd never die if she kept building her house?  So there's loads of dead ends, and staircases that lead nowhere, and windows in internal walls?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: vTenebrae on December 01, 2008, 07:54:22 AM
Quote
If you tell me you worked at the "Mystery" house.. I will just weep.

Is that the one built by a woman who thought she'd never die if she kept building her house?  So there's loads of dead ends, and staircases that lead nowhere, and windows in internal walls?

That's the one.  I sooo wanted to go, but never got to :(
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: AprilRenee on December 01, 2008, 08:30:39 AM
My current "impossible requests" are a bit different.

My most recent one was "April....listen. I'm sure you will understand, because you are so..nice..... I did something this weekend.....what? just a little meth...but...uh...would you please pee in the cup for me? I can give you money? What do you mean no?"

And because there is a different relationship between me and my clients than a retail worker and customer, I can TOTALLY guilt them into dropping it. As in: "Really? You want me to lose my job for you? Because they WOULD find out. And that money you are offering me? How long do you think that would feed my kids? And then, when I lose my job, my kids will be hungry and I will lose my house. Would you want that on your mind all the time? My poor little hungry homeless children. Think of them looking at you with thier big blue eyes, wondering why they don't have enough food"

Normally by then, the client feels guilty and tells me "never mind" and pees in the cup. And then I advise them to talk to thier case manager because I WILL be filing a report.

(In case anyone is curious, my biggest bribe offer was 5 thousand dollars)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: vTenebrae on December 01, 2008, 09:18:02 AM
(In case anyone is curious, my biggest bribe offer was 5 thousand dollars)

Pffft.. totally worth your yearly salary, because someone decided to do something stupid.  ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: AprilRenee on December 01, 2008, 09:19:12 AM
(In case anyone is curious, my biggest bribe offer was 5 thousand dollars)

Pffft.. totally worth your yearly salary, because someone decided to do something stupid.  ::)
haha, doubt he had it anyway. He was very, very drunk at the time. The guilt trip works especially well with drunk people lol
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Schmoopie3928 on December 01, 2008, 10:31:54 AM
When DH worked in radio, someone called to ask him what time it was going to stop raining.  ::)

I just choked on an Ice cube. ;D

Can you DH promise me clear skies on My wedding day?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on December 01, 2008, 11:23:26 AM
When DH worked in radio, someone called to ask him what time it was going to stop raining.  ::)

I just choked on an Ice cube. ;D

Can you DH promise me clear skies on My wedding day?

Don't be silly. He doesn't control the weather. He simply knows exactly what it's going to do, and when it's going to stop.  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Mrs. Eclipse on December 01, 2008, 12:21:35 PM
When DH worked in radio, someone called to ask him what time it was going to stop raining.  ::)

I just choked on an Ice cube. ;D

Can you DH promise me clear skies on My wedding day?

Don't be silly. He doesn't control the weather. He simply knows exactly what it's going to do, and when it's going to stop.  ;D

So, Schmoopie, he can help you PICK you wedding day.  Right, Carafin?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on December 01, 2008, 12:26:45 PM
When DH worked in radio, someone called to ask him what time it was going to stop raining.  ::)

I just choked on an Ice cube. ;D

Can you DH promise me clear skies on My wedding day?

Don't be silly. He doesn't control the weather. He simply knows exactly what it's going to do, and when it's going to stop.  ;D

So, Schmoopie, he can help you PICK you wedding day.  Right, Carafin?

Oh, yes. Absolutely.  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Pinky830 on December 01, 2008, 12:28:00 PM
My current "impossible requests" are a bit different.

My most recent one was "April....listen. I'm sure you will understand, because you are so..nice..... I did something this weekend.....what? just a little meth...but...uh...would you please pee in the cup for me? I can give you money? What do you mean no?"

And because there is a different rel@tionship between me and my clients than a retail worker and customer, I can TOTALLY guilt them into dropping it. As in: "Really? You want me to lose my job for you? Because they WOULD find out. And that money you are offering me? How long do you think that would feed my kids? And then, when I lose my job, my kids will be hungry and I will lose my house. Would you want that on your mind all the time? My poor little hungry homeless children. Think of them looking at you with thier big blue eyes, wondering why they don't have enough food"

Normally by then, the client feels guilty and tells me "never mind" and pees in the cup. And then I advise them to talk to thier case manager because I WILL be filing a report.

(In case anyone is curious, my biggest bribe offer was 5 thousand dollars)

I've been asked to falsify dates on health certificates, call in controlled drug prescriptions for pets I've never seen and for all I know don't exist, and call in prescriptions under the owner's name so they could pay for it with their own health insurance. Oh, and falsify rabies certificates, and sell prescription drugs to pet stores so the store owner could prescribe it to their miserable little puppy mill puppies as they saw fit.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: PeterM on December 01, 2008, 12:51:20 PM
And because there is a different rel@tionship between me and my clients than a retail worker and customer, I can TOTALLY guilt them into dropping it. As in: "Really? You want me to lose my job for you? Because they WOULD find out. And that money you are offering me? How long do you think that would feed my kids? And then, when I lose my job, my kids will be hungry and I will lose my house. Would you want that on your mind all the time? My poor little hungry homeless children. Think of them looking at you with thier big blue eyes, wondering why they don't have enough food"

Let's be fair here. The guy could probably get you an interview for a job in the wonderful and exciting world of meth manufacturing and distribution. It's definitely a growth industry, and you can make lots of money. Long term prospects are a bit shaky, I will admit, but it's a great fit for a young go-getter!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on December 01, 2008, 01:17:25 PM
My most recent one was "April....listen. I'm sure you will understand, because you are so..nice..... I did something this weekend.....what? just a little meth...but...uh...would you please pee in the cup for me? I can give you money? What do you mean no?"

"I'd be happy to pee in a cup for you, but unfortunately, they check for crack too."  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Gambitgirl on December 01, 2008, 01:51:04 PM
Prof: Can I go ahead and start reading applications?
Me: Well, if you want to, but none of them are complete and the deadline isn't for X weeks, so we only have in a fraction of what we expect.
Prof: Why aren't the ones we have complete?
Me: Because the deadline to complete them isn't for X weeks.
Prof: Why is the deadline then?
Me: Because it's the same deadline we've had every year.
Prof: Can't we change it?
Me: *painful internal struggle to not roll eyes* If we want to change the deadline we have to do so before the start of the school year, not at the end of the semester when it's only due is X weeks.
Prof: I don't understand why they aren't ready.
Me: I don't understand why you don't understand.

I think I confused him b/c he left and meandered around the copy room for a few minutes after that.  ;D

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sara Crewe on December 01, 2008, 02:02:51 PM

I've been asked to falsify dates on health certificates, call in controlled drug prescriptions for pets I've never seen and for all I know don't exist, and call in prescriptions under the owner's name so they could pay for it with their own health insurance. Oh, and falsify rabies certificates, and sell prescription drugs to pet stores so the store owner could prescribe it to their miserable little puppy mill puppies as they saw fit.

I like the clients who want me to write them letters confirming they were indeed in our office on a certain date.  One of two things is usually going on; either they have bail conditions to stay out of our area unless they are visiting their lawyer (so they want us to deliberately mislead the police) or they have committed a further offence and want an alibi (so they want us to deliberately mislead the police and the court).

Let me think; do I like you enough to

a. be sacked?
b. be struck off (US equivalent is disbarred)?
c. go to jail for around 18 months for the criminal offence of perverting the course of justice?

No, no, and no.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FoxPaws on December 01, 2008, 02:30:23 PM
We had a woman in this morning that wanted to pick up something that her friend dropped off yesterday to have notarized. Huh?  ??? After we explained that a) we couldn't find anything under any of the names she was giving us, and b) such a thing wasn't even possible - or legal - she left.

That transaction jogged my memory about a few doozies from my days as a notary:
The guy that wanted me notarize a blank piece of paper and he'd fill in the rest later.
The person that wanted to fax me something to notarize and have me fax it back.
The hunter who, when told my commission had expired, said I could just use my outdated seal because he was going to Mexico, and they wouldn't know what they were reading.
The too-numerous-to-count people who pitched a fit about showing ID.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on December 01, 2008, 03:33:32 PM
I'm reminded about all the people who, when asking for cigerettes, refused to show ID so I refused to sell them the smokes.

I had a few people yell and complain, but I explained that I was not going to be fired and fined up to $5,000 for a stranger.

I don't even mind getting carded for cigerettes or alcohol. It makes me feel young!

Ginger
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: magiccat26 on December 01, 2008, 03:42:59 PM
I don't even mind getting carded for cigerettes or alcohol. It makes me feel young!

The only time I got annoyed for being carded was the year DH sent me out to buy the booze for our New Year's Party.  I was 23, but looked like I was around 16.  When I approached the store, a cop at the front door carded me.  I was fine with that.  Once in the door, I was approached no less than 3 times by both plain clothes and uniformed security requesting my ID.  The store was only around 500 sq. feet!  I was pretty irritated by the last guy because he carded me less than 10 feet from where the previous guy had carded me.  He also asked me for my birthdate, while holding my license, trying to trip me up I guess.  *sigh*

I don't mind people doing their job, but when you have a guard posted at the door and a cashier at the point of sale checking ID's...are the other THREE guys really necessary?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Squeaks on December 01, 2008, 03:57:40 PM
I don't even mind getting carded for cigerettes or alcohol. It makes me feel young!

The only time I got annoyed for being carded was the year DH sent me out to buy the booze for our New Year's Party.  I was 23, but looked like I was around 16.  When I approached the store, a cop at the front door carded me.  I was fine with that.  Once in the door, I was approached no less than 3 times by both plain clothes and uniformed security requesting my ID.  The store was only around 500 sq. feet!  I was pretty irritated by the last guy because he carded me less than 10 feet from where the previous guy had carded me.  He also asked me for my birthdate, while holding my license, trying to trip me up I guess.  *sigh*

I don't mind people doing their job, but when you have a guard posted at the door and a cashier at the point of sale checking ID's...are the other THREE guys really necessary?


My worst was the idiot that asked me to spell my last name backwards. . . sorry I don't know my last name backwards, that's such a stupid thing to ask.  I told her flat out i did not know it and promptly rattled off everything on it i could remember (birth date address) But to this day I am still kinda scared to buy liquor. . .don't want to deal with the hassle if some jerk decides to keep it or cut it up.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on December 01, 2008, 04:37:58 PM
On the same tangent, when I was 26, I was once denied entrance into a bar because the bouncer decided my license was a fake (it wasn't.)  He was asking me all kinds of questions, like what was my sign, who was the president the year I was born, what the price of milk was when I was born (???  And would HE know the correct answer?)  he finally decided I was full of it and made me wait outside for my eejit friends who had gone inside ahead of me.  I'm not sure what was more annoying, not getting in or it taking my eejit friends 30 minutes to realize I wasn't with them.    >:(

I have gotten over this though.  Really, I have.   :D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Ender on December 01, 2008, 05:09:39 PM
This thread is cracking me up!  ;D

I'm a graphic designer. Many of our clients are fairly normal, that is, they understand if something just can't be done. But others... whew. Here are some of my favorite things...

1. The clients who want their brochure to look "just like the website!". Including the Flash animation.

2. The clients who send you pictures for their large, very expensive brochure or ad as 72dpi, 1inchx1inch files, and then wonder why they won't work (for the unfamiliar, 72dpi is the standard web-resolution pictures are set at. Most professional print requires at least 300dpi). We can't make pixels exist!

3. The clients who don't understand why we charge them so much, when "My nephew has an illegal copy of Photoshop and can do this for free!". Some days, it seems like everyone with a copy of Photoshop thinks that they're a designer.

4. The clients who will snail-mail you large amounts of text for their 100+ page conference guidebook, and wonder why you would prefer it in a Word doc. See also the people who send un-editable PDFs.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Dindrane on December 01, 2008, 05:55:38 PM
On the same tangent, when I was 26, I was once denied entrance into a bar because the bouncer decided my license was a fake (it wasn't.)  He was asking me all kinds of questions, like what was my sign, who was the president the year I was born, what the price of milk was when I was born (???  And would HE know the correct answer?)  he finally decided I was full of it and made me wait outside for my eejit friends who had gone inside ahead of me.  I'm not sure what was more annoying, not getting in or it taking my eejit friends 30 minutes to realize I wasn't with them.    >:(

I have gotten over this though.  Really, I have.   :D

I spent a semester abroad in Ireland when I was a college junior.  So I was 20, and the drinking age was 18.  I was used to having a little bit more of a hassle with my ID, simply because I was from out of the country, but nothing serious.

So I wasn't completely surprised when I had to answer a few extra questions about my school ID card at a club one night.  The card was from the local college, and it had my picture and birthdate on it, so I figured it would be okay.  But the guy checking IDs wanted me to tell him my ID number.  It's not a completely unreasonable request, except that I was very obviously foreign, and this was just two months in to the fall term (so most foreign students were still relatively recent arrivals).  I couldn't tell him more than the first half of my student ID, but I guess he ultimately decided that was good enough, and let me in.

I mean, couldn't he just have asked me for my astrological sign or something?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Snowy Owl on December 01, 2008, 05:59:50 PM
I don't even mind getting carded for cigerettes or alcohol. It makes me feel young!

The only time I got annoyed for being carded was the year DH sent me out to buy the booze for our New Year's Party.  I was 23, but looked like I was around 16.  When I approached the store, a cop at the front door carded me.  I was fine with that.  Once in the door, I was approached no less than 3 times by both plain clothes and uniformed security requesting my ID.  The store was only around 500 sq. feet!  I was pretty irritated by the last guy because he carded me less than 10 feet from where the previous guy had carded me.  He also asked me for my birthdate, while holding my license, trying to trip me up I guess.  *sigh*

I don't mind people doing their job, but when you have a guard posted at the door and a cashier at the point of sale checking ID's...are the other THREE guys really necessary?

I think the worst I had was when I was in the US on business and went with colleagues for a drink at the hotel bar.  I got carded so I went to my room and brought my passport down to prove I was in my late twenties.  The guy behind the bar refused to believe it was genuine and kept asking for a driving licence (which I didn't bring to the US) and then started asking intrusive personal questions.  I tried to explain more than once that this was a genuine passport and the birthdate was accurate but he seemed adamant that it was a forgery!  ???    

After about 5 minutes I went to the front desk and asked for a manager who apologised and gave me the drink for free.  I don't mind being carded but please have the goodness to accept that a British passport is a valid form of identification!  After if it's good enough to let me into the US, then it should be good enough to get me a Mojito ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: camlan on December 01, 2008, 08:13:46 PM
  I don't mind being carded but please have the goodness to accept that a British passport is a valid form of identification!  After if it's good enough to let me into the US, then it should be good enough to get me a Mojito ;D

I don't know if it will make you feel any better, but my US passport has been rejected as proof of age in US bars. I didn't get a driver's license until I was 29, but I had a passport. Not that it got me in many places. There are a lot of places where if you don't have the driver's license from that state, they just won't accept it. My guess is that they are afraid that any ID that they don't recognize might be fake.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kareng57 on December 01, 2008, 08:27:32 PM
I don't even mind getting carded for cigerettes or alcohol. It makes me feel young!

The only time I got annoyed for being carded was the year DH sent me out to buy the booze for our New Year's Party.  I was 23, but looked like I was around 16.  When I approached the store, a cop at the front door carded me.  I was fine with that.  Once in the door, I was approached no less than 3 times by both plain clothes and uniformed security requesting my ID.  The store was only around 500 sq. feet!  I was pretty irritated by the last guy because he carded me less than 10 feet from where the previous guy had carded me.  He also asked me for my birthdate, while holding my license, trying to trip me up I guess.  *sigh*

I don't mind people doing their job, but when you have a guard posted at the door and a cashier at the point of sale checking ID's...are the other THREE guys really necessary?


That's absolutely ridiculous, no question.

At the same time, I can understand maybe one additional re-check.  A couple of years ago, a neighbourhood-pub in town came very close to getting its liquour-license suspended.  They generally looked at only the year-of-birth on a driver's license, not the day or month - and of course all the 18 1/2 year-olds in town knew it, and took advantage.  So maybe the young waitresses and bartenders only gave it a quick glance - they'd figure it's no skin off their nose (though it sure would be if they were to be laid off for a couple of weeks) - but a manager or owner might come around later to re-check the youngsters for ID.

Your situation was very over-the-top though, no question.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: nutraxfornerves on December 01, 2008, 08:56:26 PM
In California, by law, most passports are not acceptable as ID for buying alcohol. The law says that the ID must be a government-issued photo ID and contain a "physical description" (hieght, weight, eye color, etc.) Most passports don't have that information. I verified that with the alchol regulation agency once in order to answer a question for my travel message board. They informaned me that the law had been passed by the legislature,so the agency could not change the rules.

Someone form(I think) Denmark,said that his country's passports had the physical description, but I doubt that many bouncers read Danish.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: extranormal on December 01, 2008, 09:33:26 PM
Quote
Someone form(I think) Denmark,said that his country's passports had the physical description, but I doubt that many bouncers read Danish.


Can't you just imagine the Help Wanted ad for that job?

Position open: nightclub doorman.
Applicant should be personable, physically strong, and able to work well with the public. Must read Danish.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Minmom3 on December 01, 2008, 09:48:24 PM
As a former grocery story cashier, we don't mind the in-and-out holiday crowds. We mind the come-in-and-buy-everything-and-complain-that-we're-out-of-things crowd.

POD big time. 

This isn't exactly the same, but years ago I worked in a Navy commissary.  One time a Navy commander (O5 if you know ranks) came in at one of our busiest times to get some coffee, sugar, cream, etc.  When he found out that there was a line even at the cash register where military members in uniform had priority, he threw all his coffee stuff on the floor and pitched a fit.  A rear admiral (O7, which means he outranked this individual) who was waiting in line with his wife stepped in and told our store manager he'd take care of it.  The commander had to clean up his mess and then stand at attention outside our front door for two hours. 

You know, we REALLY need a hand clapping smiley!  That's just lovely that the rear admiral did that.  Wonderful!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: immadz on December 01, 2008, 10:01:32 PM
In California, by law, most passports are not acceptable as ID for buying alcohol. The law says that the ID must be a government-issued photo ID and contain a "physical description" (hieght, weight, eye color, etc.) Most passports don't have that information. I verified that with the alchol regulation agency once in order to answer a question for my travel message board. They informaned me that the law had been passed by the legislature,so the agency could not change the rules.

Someone form(I think) Denmark,said that his country's passports had the physical description, but I doubt that many bouncers read Danish.

I did not realize passports did not have this information. Mine does.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: mbbored on December 01, 2008, 10:26:15 PM
I don't even mind getting carded for cigerettes or alcohol. It makes me feel young!

The only time I got annoyed for being carded was the year DH sent me out to buy the booze for our New Year's Party.  I was 23, but looked like I was around 16.  When I approached the store, a cop at the front door carded me.  I was fine with that.  Once in the door, I was approached no less than 3 times by both plain clothes and uniformed security requesting my ID.  The store was only around 500 sq. feet!  I was pretty irritated by the last guy because he carded me less than 10 feet from where the previous guy had carded me.  He also asked me for my birthdate, while holding my license, trying to trip me up I guess.  *sigh*

I don't mind people doing their job, but when you have a guard posted at the door and a cashier at the point of sale checking ID's...are the other THREE guys really necessary?


My worst was the idiot that asked me to spell my last name backwards. . . sorry I don't know my last name backwards, that's such a stupid thing to ask.  I told her flat out i did not know it and promptly rattled off everything on it i could remember (birth date address) But to this day I am still kinda scared to buy liquor. . .don't want to deal with the hassle if some jerk decides to keep it or cut it up.



I loved the guy who examined my license this past July (2008) who asked me when my birthday was (November 1982.)  After I answered him, he then asked how old I was.  I answered 25, he said "Ha!  I gotcha!  You're 26!  2008 minus 1982 is 26 years, not 25!"  I responded "True, but at this point in 1982 I wasn't born yet."  He was still scratching his head over that, when his manager came over to check me out, rolling his eyes.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: PeterM on December 02, 2008, 12:19:17 AM
I don't think I was ever carded until I was over 21. Granted, I didn't go out to bars very often before then, but when I did I had no problems. This was the early 90's so while the atmosphere wasn't as restrictive as today there had been fifteen or twenty years of after school specials telling us that underage drinking and drunk driving were wrong.

My favorite was the time some friends and I ordered alcohol at a Chinese restaurant. My female friend who was also underage was asked for ID, but her birth certificate had been messed up when her family moved to the US from Vietnam so her valid, state-issued ID said she was 21 instead of the correct 19. My male friend visiting from Hong Kong was at least 25, but didn't have his ID or passport. He explained that in Chinese and had no problem. The waiter never even asked for mine.

After I hit 21 I got carded all the time. Partially because I was going out more, but still. It got ridiculous. Then it tapered off again when I started seriously losing my hair. To the point where I could be in line to get into a bar, and everyone in front of me would get carded, but they'd just wave me in. One time the bouncer actually asked for my ID and I had to fumble to find it. I told him it was an honor just to be asked, and he laughed and said, "You could be shaving it off for all we know."

Nowadays the only time I buy alcohol is at the grocery store on rare occasions. I don't recall the last time I had to show ID. Even at the self check outs when the computer tells me to show my ID to the cashier, I look up and they're already waving me off and hitting the button to continue the transaction. Works for me, but my wife is only thirty and I think she's still more happy than annoyed when they ask to see her ID.

Anyone remember the commercial where the woman walks into a convenience store and brings some booze up to the front, but her hair is obscuring her face so the kid behind the counter asks for her ID? She brushes the hair out of her face and is clearly mid-thirties, at least, which causes the kid to hem and haw. I just want to take this opportunity to publically state that woman was very attractive and is one of my commercial-crushes, right up there with the Best Buy cashier who flosses.


Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: BusyBee on December 02, 2008, 01:39:49 AM
I was carded trying to buy non-alcoholic wine from a grocery store (I was pregnant, and 29).  They insisted.  Fortunately DH had his ID with him.  ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: LyraSilverose on December 02, 2008, 01:57:35 AM
I've had my IN license denied several times here in CA, which I find pretty darn odd, given that I live in a military area with people from all over the country here.  Once because it "looked fake" (yes, I can totally fabricate IN state seal holograms, it's my area of expertise!), and once because it was "damaged" (it has a slight bend to it because it's lived in my wallet for so long, but in no way shows any real damage).  Neither time did I fight it other than to be a little exasperated... but I really was confused about the whole thing.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: athersgeo on December 02, 2008, 03:21:11 AM
4. The clients who will snail-mail you large amounts of text for their 100+ page conference guidebook, and wonder why you would prefer it in a Word doc. See also the people who send un-editable PDFs.

See also the people who send you the text on a (usually crappy quality) graphic and also the people who send you images embedded in word documents. (I'm a web developer by trade, so I get a lot of similar problems - though usually the reverse of your dpi one!)

On the subject of carding, I have never, EVER been carded for alcohol in a store or a bar (even when I was under age!) but British Airways almost invariably refuse to offer me alcoholic drinks. Once, I could put down to a steward having a brief brain fart, but three times in the same flight (and subsequent flights) starts me wondering if I've *FINALLY* found the group of people who think I might possibly look under 21 which, if so, means I'magonna hang out with BA more often!

Also, a really good way to confuse an American checkout operator is produce a UK/EU driving license when asked to verify that yes, you own that particular credit card. She was extremely weirded out by the fact that,
1) My photo card was bright pink
2) My license number contained letters
Still; it could have been worse. I could have had one of the old style paper licenses which have no photos on at all...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: WolfWay on December 02, 2008, 04:37:44 AM
Also, a really good way to confuse an American checkout operator is produce a UK/EU driving license when asked to verify that yes, you own that particular credit card. She was extremely weirded out by the fact that,
1) My photo card was bright pink
2) My license number contained letters
Still; it could have been worse. I could have had one of the old style paper licenses which have no photos on at all...
The Zimbabwean driving licences are printed directly onto metal cards. It's always fun when your licence clinks when you drop it on the table.

I once had to run technical support for a conference. One person arrived with a slide show (powerpoint presentation) that took up an entire CD (700 Megs worth of images). Our PCs couldn't open it. We couldn't copy it, we couldn't run it. Thank heavens they brought slides to use in the projector as a back up. Sheesh!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Lauren on December 02, 2008, 04:45:56 AM
Quote
In California, by law, most passports are not acceptable as ID for buying alcohol. The law says that the ID must be a government-issued photo ID and contain a "physical description" (hieght, weight, eye color, etc.) Most passports don't have that information. I verified that with the alchol regulation agency once in order to answer a question for my travel message board. They informaned me that the law had been passed by the legislature,so the agency could not change the rules.

But don't all passports have photos? My Australian licence wouldn't be good enough in that case, it dosen't have a physical description on it.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MissRose on December 02, 2008, 04:56:18 AM
I've never had an issue buying drinks in Ireland or England, and I look young & often get carded when purchasing in the states.  I lock up my passport where I am staying (till the day I leave for home) and have my american driving license with me instead.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: lady_disdain on December 02, 2008, 05:30:55 AM
Quote
In California, by law, most passports are not acceptable as ID for buying alcohol. The law says that the ID must be a government-issued photo ID and contain a "physical description" (hieght, weight, eye color, etc.) Most passports don't have that information. I verified that with the alchol regulation agency once in order to answer a question for my travel message board. They informaned me that the law had been passed by the legislature,so the agency could not change the rules.

But don't all passports have photos? My Australian licence wouldn't be good enough in that case, it dosen't have a physical description on it.

If passports aren't acceptable, how do tourists prove age ???
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Zen Angel on December 02, 2008, 05:33:16 AM
Quote
If you tell me you worked at the "Mystery" house.. I will just weep.

Is that the one built by a woman who thought she'd never die if she kept building her house?  So there's loads of dead ends, and staircases that lead nowhere, and windows in internal walls?

Sarah Winchester. She believed the souls of those who died as a result of her husband's family's rifles were not at rest and could harm her if she ever stopped building the house. I've never been there, but would love to see it. All these years in Oregon, and I still haven't made the trek to California yet.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Ferrets on December 02, 2008, 05:42:52 AM
I've had my IN license denied several times here in CA, which I find pretty darn odd, given that I live in a military area with people from all over the country here.  Once because it "looked fake" (yes, I can totally fabricate IN state seal holograms, it's my area of expertise!), and once because it was "damaged" (it has a slight bend to it because it's lived in my wallet for so long, but in no way shows any real damage).  Neither time did I fight it other than to be a little exasperated... but I really was confused about the whole thing.

I'm with you. I never mind my ID being checked in itself. I worked in customer service for years, and know it has to be done if you're even the smallest bit unsure.

But I really dislike the reaction as if I'm still trying to pull a fast one when I present it (photocard provisional driving licence, which should be accepted as proof of age pretty much anywhere in the UK). Such as (and this has happened quite a few times) when they scrutinise the photo, then keep hold of the licence, shoot me a suspicious glare and inform me: "Hmm. You don't look over 18 in this photograph."

Well, yes, I'm aware of that. ::) That is precisely why I carry a provisional driving licence around with me, when I don't even drive: to prove that I actually am over 18. That birth date on the licence confirms I'm actually 27 years old, and the picture is just so you know it's me. Am I missing something here? :-\
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Zen Angel on December 02, 2008, 05:57:35 AM
A customer asked my husband, "How come you're working on Thanksgiving?" yesterday.  >:(

Because my bosses can make a buck off people like you shopping on Thanksgiving.

I make it a point to get everything I need and fill up my tank before
New Years Day
Easter Weekend
Memorial day
4th of July
Labor Day
Thanksgiving
Christmas Eve/Day

because I don't think businesses should be open forcing people to work instead of being with their families.

Not everyone celebrates, though. My husband doesn't mind working on Thanksgiving, because we don't celebrate it. Before we got married, he didn't mind Christmas or Easter, either (he's Jewish). He got paid time and a half for "not being home" on a holiday he didn't celebrate anyway.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Lady Snowdon on December 02, 2008, 07:42:37 AM
I've got three stories from my days working at an airline:

"The Man Who Fell Asleep" -- Basically, I worked the early shift when I first started working as a gate agent.  We had a plane that left around 7 am, going from Minneapolis to Denver.  The boarding went smoothly, we were missing one person.  We paged this person many, many times (probably 6 or 7 total), way more than normal.  We finally gave up on that person, shut the door of the plane, and gave up control of it to ATC.  As the plane was backing out of the gate, a man who had been sleeping in our gate area, woke up, and freaked out.  He was supposed to be on that plane, you see.  It was our fault that he wasn't.  We should have gone around and tried to wake him up, because it was our responsibility to make sure he got on his plane.  He now wanted us to call the plane back to the gate.  Uh, no, not happening.  This was post 9/11 -- federal regulations prevented us from opening the door of the plane unless the pilot requested it, and the pilot wasn't going to request it because we couldn't get ahold of him! 

"Refund My Tickets!":  For this incident, I was working a later shift.  The gods of weather had decreed that there was a snowstorm in Minneapolis, and a blizzard in Denver, so the plane that was supposed to arrive around 7 pm didn't get in until 11 pm.  The plane had to be cleaned, and turned around to go back to Denver with the 80 or so people who hadn't been able to be rebooked elsewhere, so we (myself and my coworker) had things to do.  One of the first people off the plane jumped into our path, waving some basketball tickets and screaming at us.  He and the lady with him had tickets to see the Timberwovles that night, and because the plane was late, they had missed the game.  It was our fault, and so we should refund his ticket price.  Yeah, I'll get right on that, because obviously I, a lowly gate agent, control the weather not only in Minneapolis, but in Denver too.  Right.  My supervisor stepped in and said, "Sir, we have a planeful of people to load and get on their way.  You'll have to wait.".  Surprisingly, the guy went away. 

"I Want First Class": The airline I worked for was a budget airline, and as such, there was no first class or business class.  It was all coach class.  The number of people who threw a fit because we wouldn't "upgrade" them to first class was amazing.  No matter how hard we tried to explain to some of these people that there *was* no first class, they insisted that we just didn't like them, were discriminating against them, and they were going to get us fired.  Once or twice I got the privilege of being on the plane for one reason or another when they walked on, only to find out we'd told the truth; there was NO first/business class.  Priceless looks!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Kiara on December 02, 2008, 08:10:41 AM
Quote
In California, by law, most passports are not acceptable as ID for buying alcohol. The law says that the ID must be a government-issued photo ID and contain a "physical description" (hieght, weight, eye color, etc.) Most passports don't have that information. I verified that with the alchol regulation agency once in order to answer a question for my travel message board. They informaned me that the law had been passed by the legislature,so the agency could not change the rules.

But don't all passports have photos? My Australian licence wouldn't be good enough in that case, it dosen't have a physical description on it.

My Maryland license wouldn't be good either...there's a picture, but no written physical description.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on December 02, 2008, 08:21:23 AM
"I Want First Class": The airline I worked for was a budget airline, and as such, there was no first class or business class.  It was all coach class.  The number of people who threw a fit because we wouldn't "upgrade" them to first class was amazing.  No matter how hard we tried to explain to some of these people that there *was* no first class, they insisted that we just didn't like them, were discriminating against them, and they were going to get us fired.  Once or twice I got the privilege of being on the plane for one reason or another when they walked on, only to find out we'd told the truth; there was NO first/business class.  Priceless looks!

Too bad you couldn't just move them to a different seat on the plane and say "Okay, you're in first class."  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Soxylady on December 02, 2008, 08:24:20 AM
Just remembered another one:

I was working for KMart several years back when they filed for bankruptcy protection.  The store manager explained to us what that meant, told us everything he knew, and instructed us to tell customers the truth if they asked.

Most customers who asked me about it accepted what I told them, but a few times a week for the next couple weeks, I would have the following conversation:

Customer: So when is this store closing?

Me: We're actually not slated to be closed at this time.  Only [other local store] is closing in this area.

Customer: But the chain is going out of business!

Me: Actually, [long explanation of bankruptcy protection and how it differs from real bankruptcy]

Customer: You're going out of business.  I saw it on the news.

My most memborable version of this conversation happened when the customer skipped over all the previous dialogue and pitched a fit when I told her that no, the entire store was not 75% off.  I had my manager deal with that one.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MC Clapyohanz on December 02, 2008, 09:10:01 AM
This goes with the other ID-liquor stories, but I'm the customer, not the cashier.

My husband, son, & I went to an Asian market for groceries & we picked up some beer for him. I usually have my ID ready, since I'm the one who usually does the payment transaction while he gets the bags & the kid. :)

I get ready to show the cashier my ID, but she never looks at it. When the prompt for the birthday comes up, she puts in her own birthday and continues on with the rest of our food.

I think she totally misunderstood the whole enter-the-birthday-verification for alcohol. Wouldn't she start to wonder why she had to keep entering her birthday every time someone bought alcohol?

I thought it was amusing, anyway. :)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: mumma to KMC on December 02, 2008, 09:50:37 AM
This goes with the other ID-liquor stories, but I'm the customer, not the cashier.

My husband, son, & I went to an Asian market for groceries & we picked up some beer for him. I usually have my ID ready, since I'm the one who usually does the payment transaction while he gets the bags & the kid. :)

I get ready to show the cashier my ID, but she never looks at it. When the prompt for the birthday comes up, she puts in her own birthday and continues on with the rest of our food.

I think she totally misunderstood the whole enter-the-birthday-verification for alcohol. Wouldn't she start to wonder why she had to keep entering her birthday every time someone bought alcohol?

I thought it was amusing, anyway. :)

When I was a cashier at a drugstore, we would have to enter the dob for anyone buying alcohol or cigs. If the customer was a regular or I knew they were over 18, I just entered my dob. It was easier then carding someone who was obviously not a kid.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Soxylady on December 02, 2008, 09:51:34 AM
I get ready to show the cashier my ID, but she never looks at it. When the prompt for the birthday comes up, she puts in her own birthday and continues on with the rest of our food.

I think she totally misunderstood the whole enter-the-birthday-verification for alcohol. Wouldn't she start to wonder why she had to keep entering her birthday every time someone bought alcohol?

Heh, I used to do that too when I sold age-restricted items.  It's faster than asking someone who is clearly of age for ID, and you don't run the risk of annoying your customers.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: TychaBrahe on December 02, 2008, 10:15:23 AM
On the same tangent, when I was 26, I was once denied entrance into a bar because the bouncer decided my license was a fake (it wasn't.)  He was asking me all kinds of questions, like what was my sign, who was the president the year I was born, what the price of milk was when I was born (???  And would HE know the correct answer?)  he finally decided I was full of it and made me wait outside for my eejit friends who had gone inside ahead of me.  I'm not sure what was more annoying, not getting in or it taking my eejit friends 30 minutes to realize I wasn't with them.    >:(

I have gotten over this though.  Really, I have.   :D

"Milk was free.  I was breastfed."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: TychaBrahe on December 02, 2008, 10:18:03 AM
I think the worst I had was when I was in the US on business and went with colleagues for a drink at the hotel bar.  I got carded so I went to my room and brought my passport down to prove I was in my late twenties.  The guy behind the bar refused to believe it was genuine and kept asking for a driving licence (which I didn't bring to the US) and then started asking intrusive personal questions.  I tried to explain more than once that this was a genuine passport and the birthdate was accurate but he seemed adamant that it was a forgery!  ???    

After about 5 minutes I went to the front desk and asked for a manager who apologised and gave me the drink for free.  I don't mind being carded but please have the goodness to accept that a British passport is a valid form of identification!  After if it's good enough to let me into the US, then it should be good enough to get me a Mojito ;D

When I moved to California I had my Illinois drivers license and my US passport for ID.  I went to open a bank account and couldn't without a California ID or drivers license.  This was in a bank branch directly across USC.  (USC is a private college, unlike UCLA, and has a much higher ratio of out of state students.)  I didn't want to get a California ID, because I didn't plan to establish residency in California.

My mother had to open a joint account with me.  She still had her medical license in California.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Twik on December 02, 2008, 10:52:32 AM
When DH worked in radio, someone called to ask him what time it was going to stop raining.  ::)

I just choked on an Ice cube. ;D

Can you DH promise me clear skies on My wedding day?

Don't be silly. He doesn't control the weather. He simply knows exactly what it's going to do, and when it's going to stop.  ;D

Well, to be fair, a lot of stations give weather reports, with statements in them like "clearing by noon". Perhaps he thought that DH could just run and check the current feed for the weather report? (I don't know if DH was on-air, or technical, or sales, or what.)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: little bird on December 02, 2008, 11:10:26 AM
Quote
I was carded trying to buy non-alcoholic wine from a grocery store (I was pregnant, and 29).  They insisted.  Fortunately DH had his ID with him. 

I was carded trying to buy fancy-schmancy root beer in glass bottles for DF.  I was 24 and the checker was VERY skeptical that I was of age.  Finally, after he'd been examining my ID and staring at me for a few minutes, I got exasperated and said "you do realize this is ROOT BEER, not actual beer, right?".  Not my finest moment but it was fun to watch him turn all shades of red. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Ender on December 02, 2008, 11:20:25 AM
4. The clients who will snail-mail you large amounts of text for their 100+ page conference guidebook, and wonder why you would prefer it in a Word doc. See also the people who send un-editable PDFs.

See also the people who send you the text on a (usually crappy quality) graphic and also the people who send you images embedded in word documents.

Oh Cthulhu, I HATE that as well. Seriously, please don't embed photos in Word docs, people. It's NOT that easy to just take it out and use it in your print (or web) work. Not only that, but you can't just copy-paste the image from Word to Photoshop, oh no. You have to create a PDF, then open said PDF in photoshop, *then* you can cut, edit, paste, whatever until you get what you need.

</ rant>
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on December 02, 2008, 11:34:19 AM
When DH worked in radio, someone called to ask him what time it was going to stop raining.  ::)

I just choked on an Ice cube. ;D

Can you DH promise me clear skies on My wedding day?

Don't be silly. He doesn't control the weather. He simply knows exactly what it's going to do, and when it's going to stop.  ;D

Well, to be fair, a lot of stations give weather reports, with statements in them like "clearing by noon". Perhaps he thought that DH could just run and check the current feed for the weather report? (I don't know if DH was on-air, or technical, or sales, or what.)

Well, I still think there's a big difference between "Does the weather report call for this rain to last all day?" and "What time is it going to stop raining?"
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: sasha on December 02, 2008, 12:17:12 PM
4. The clients who will snail-mail you large amounts of text for their 100+ page conference guidebook, and wonder why you would prefer it in a Word doc. See also the people who send un-editable PDFs.

See also the people who send you the text on a (usually crappy quality) graphic and also the people who send you images embedded in word documents.

Oh Cthulhu, I HATE that as well. Seriously, please don't embed photos in Word docs, people. It's NOT that easy to just take it out and use it in your print (or web) work. Not only that, but you can't just copy-paste the image from Word to Photoshop, oh no. You have to create a PDF, then open said PDF in photoshop, *then* you can cut, edit, paste, whatever until you get what you need.

</ rant>

I'm a textbook editor and get this all the time with digital photos. You can copy the image into PowerPoint and then save it as a picture. Of course that doesn't help if it is still too low-resolution!

Sasha
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: nutraxfornerves on December 02, 2008, 12:41:26 PM
I found my original information on passports used as ID for buying liquor in California. From my post to the travel board

After the issue came up here several times, I contacted the Calif. ABC. By law, a valid ID must be a govenrment issued photo ID that contains a "description."
Quote
Bona fide evidence of majority [being old enough] and identity of the person is a document issued by a federal, state, county, or municipal government, or subdivision or agency thereof, including, but not limited to, a motor vehicle operator's license or an identification card issued to a member of the Armed Forces, that contains the name, date of birth, description, and picture of the person.
Since most passporrts do not have a physical description, they are not valid in Califorina to buy alcohol, said the ABC person. However, many places will accept a passport, even though technically they should not. [snip] according to ABC, a foreign drivers license, with a photo & description, is a valid ID for buying alcohol.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: redcat on December 02, 2008, 01:08:11 PM
Quote
I get ready to show the cashier my ID, but she never looks at it. When the prompt for the birthday comes up, she puts in her own birthday and continues on with the rest of our food.

I think she totally misunderstood the whole enter-the-birthday-verification for alcohol. Wouldn't she start to wonder why she had to keep entering her birthday every time someone bought alcohol?

Well, in the UK, you're not allowed to sell age restricted products unless you're over the age too.  We have a few cashiers who are 17, and they have to get the supervisor to authorise sales.  So the birthdate of the seller can be relevent. 

We're also told to only accept UK driving licenses and passports as valid ID.  People who are here for a while can get photo pass cards, which are also accepted, but I'm not sure what people who are only here for a couple of weeks are expected to do.

A few years ago, the UK moved to chip and pin cards, where the cards have a chip in them, and the cards are authorised by pin number, rather then signature.  A couple of weeks ago, I had a man come in who let me ring through his groceries before telling me the chip on his card was broken, and he'd have to sign for it instead.  It is still perfectly possible to do this for foreign cards that have no chip, but not for cards that are broken.  He seemed surprised, saying that he could do it in other shops, but said he'd go home and get another card.  Which would have been fine, but he expected to leave with the groceries he hadn't paid for, on the promise he'd come back.  Which he eventually did, but how was I supposed to know that?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: LyanneB1 on December 02, 2008, 02:29:54 PM
I've never had an issue buying drinks in Ireland or England, and I look young & often get carded when purchasing in the states.  I lock up my passport where I am staying (till the day I leave for home) and have my american driving license with me instead.

But in many states I understand the legal age to be 21, as opposed to the legal ages in England, 18.  NB, in Scotland there are plans to raise it to 21 for buying alcohol in shops.

Well, in the UK, you're not allowed to sell age restricted products unless you're over the age too.  We have a few cashiers who are 17, and they have to get the supervisor to authorise sales.  So the birthdate of the seller can be relevent. ....

A few weeks ago, I was making small talk with the shop assistant while waiting for a replacement for a damanged item; she had a sign on the till to say that as she was under 18, if you wanted alcohol or glue, you 'd have to wait while she called an older colleague.  But it said nothing about knives, which are also an age restriced item in the UK, and are commonly sold in the supermarkets, we'd been looking at a set that day.  She said she understood it to cover alcohol & glue but not knives to protect the younger staff from their friends coming in & saying 'Oh, go on, just put it through for me...'  Whereas purchase of knives isn't seen as such a problem.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Shea on December 02, 2008, 02:53:37 PM
A few weeks ago, I was making small talk with the shop assistant while waiting for a replacement for a damanged item; she had a sign on the till to say that as she was under 18, if you wanted alcohol or glue, you 'd have to wait while she called an older colleague.  But it said nothing about knives, which are also an age restriced item in the UK, and are commonly sold in the supermarkets, we'd been looking at a set that day.  She said she understood it to cover alcohol & glue but not knives to protect the younger staff from their friends coming in & saying 'Oh, go on, just put it through for me...'  Whereas purchase of knives isn't seen as such a problem.

Glue? Why is glue age-restricted? Drug use?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: blue2000 on December 02, 2008, 02:57:59 PM
Probably.

When I used to be a cashier in a bad neighbourhood, we had restrictions on spraypaint, to cut down on the graffiti.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ginlyn32 on December 02, 2008, 03:23:40 PM
Probably.

When I used to be a cashier in a bad neighbourhood, we had restrictions on spraypaint, to cut down on the graffiti.

Alot of people use it to "huff"...inhale the fumes to get high. Just gives me a headache.

My SIL used to work in a grocery store as a cashier and she said they had problems with peolpe sucking out the air in the spray cheese and canned whipped cream.

Ginger
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: VorFemme on December 02, 2008, 03:41:34 PM
Garage sale some eighteen years ago now - ONE stereo with radio, cassette player, record player, two speakers, AND an eight track tape player (obsolete even then as it was over ten years old but lots of people still had large music collections on eight track tapes).

I had three men arguing over who saw it first.  When the first one to ask if the eight track WORKED (he didn't care about the rest of the stereo - he had several hundred tapes and no way to listen to them) bought it, the other two asked if I had more "in the house" to sell......

It was a garage sale.  If it was for sale, it was in the garage..............
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Twik on December 02, 2008, 03:46:44 PM

Glue? Why is glue age-restricted? Drug use?

... well, you see, the kids get it, and then you find all these cats with buttered bread glued to their backs, spinning in perpetual motion....

No, it's the drug use. Kind of makes me feel old - apparently aerosols and such are the new drug of choice at the consumer counter.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: KimberlyM on December 02, 2008, 03:53:02 PM

Glue? Why is glue age-restricted? Drug use?

... well, you see, the kids get it, and then you find all these cats with buttered bread glued to their backs, spinning in perpetual motion....


CRUD MONKEYS!!  I need a new screen now!  Water everywhere.  That was too much!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Bibliophile on December 02, 2008, 04:13:07 PM
Quote
I was carded trying to buy non-alcoholic wine from a grocery store (I was pregnant, and 29).  They insisted.  Fortunately DH had his ID with him. 

I was carded trying to buy fancy-schmancy root beer in glass bottles for DF.  I was 24 and the checker was VERY skeptical that I was of age.  Finally, after he'd been examining my ID and staring at me for a few minutes, I got exasperated and said "you do realize this is ROOT BEER, not actual beer, right?".  Not my finest moment but it was fun to watch him turn all shades of red. 

I had the same issue - the guy was a bit rude too!  I bought some sangria mix (basically fruit juice, no alcohol) and some root beer).  He huffed & puffed because I had to dig out my license.  I went along with it just to see the look on his face when he realized he was carding me for root beer...

And as for the perpetual motion cats - mine tend to flop over when you stick some tape on their sides so it's more of perpetual still-motion...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: merryns on December 02, 2008, 04:13:25 PM
In California, by law, most passports are not acceptable as ID for buying alcohol. The law says that the ID must be a government-issued photo ID and contain a "physical description" (hieght, weight, eye color, etc.) Most passports don't have that information. I verified that with the alchol regulation agency once in order to answer a question for my travel message board. They informaned me that the law had been passed by the legislature,so the agency could not change the rules.

Someone form(I think) Denmark,said that his country's passports had the physical description, but I doubt that many bouncers read Danish.

My driver's license (Queensland, Australia) doesn't. Sounds like one of those laws that assumes that 'everywhere else does it the same as here'.
I didn't get my driver's license until my 30s, so I get very annoyed with places that act as if driver's licenses are IDs issued by God himself, and everything else is worthless.

I did not realize passports did not have this information. Mine does.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ladycrim on December 02, 2008, 04:26:43 PM

I like the clients who want me to write them letters confirming they were indeed in our office on a certain date.  One of two things is usually going on; either they have bail conditions to stay out of our area unless they are visiting their lawyer (so they want us to deliberately mislead the police) or they have committed a further offence and want an alibi (so they want us to deliberately mislead the police and the court).

Let me think; do I like you enough to

a. be sacked?
b. be struck off (US equivalent is disbarred)?
c. go to jail for around 18 months for the criminal offence of perverting the course of justice?

No, no, and no.

I was asked several years ago if I'd marry a guy's employee so said employee wouldn't be deported.  Oh gosh, COULD I break the law and get sent to prison?  Pretty please?  (They asked me twice.  I told them if they asked again I'd call Immigration.)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: supotco on December 02, 2008, 04:35:21 PM

I was reminded of this today when I bumped into a former colleague.

My former firm has a client Christmas drinks party - it is what it says it is. We had a partnership as a client, whose owners were a boy-and-girl-friend, whom I will call Alice and Bob. Alice and Bob were invited to the drinks party. Bob could not make it, so Alice came alone.

At the party, Alice was introduced to several other clients, among whom was Charles. Alice and Charles took a fancy to each other.

A couple of weeks later, the partner took a call from Bob, to complain (very seriously) that we had introduced Alice to Charles, and now Alice was leaving Bob to be with Charles, and the partnership would have to be wound up, and it was all our fault, and really we should compensate him by not charging him for his share of the windup fees.

Um.


Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: jstlstrnslb on December 02, 2008, 04:59:21 PM
I'm a volunteer with a group trying to raise funds to restore a Tudor manor house that has been derelict since a fire in the 1980's, helping out with work in the grounds, and when the place is open to the public. On open days, people look around the four or five ground floor (first floor in the US, I believe) rooms that are safe enough for us to take people into.

One of the most common comments we get is some variation on "it should never have been allowed to get into this state." I can nod and smile through the "xxx charity/government department dealing with heritage should have done something", even when they *have* been doing everything they possibly can already, but the number of people, especially in the early days, who would say "you should never have let it get like this. Disgusting!" was ridiculous.

I can understand the fact that they may not have been aware that our group had only recently become involved, but still, most of our publicity material at the time clearly mentioned that we were newly formed.

But my favourite variation of this came from a guy who seemed determined to put the blame solely on my (at the time 19-year-old) shoulders. I was two when the fire occurred, and unaware that the place even existed until I was 17. Save for time-travel, there was very little I could have done...  ::)

Another favourite was a growled "you should be fixing this!" which is, incidentally, what we are trying to do. Unfortunately, it'll cost £13million that none of us have, and that none of the UK's Heritage charities and organisations have available to spend right now. Still, at least since we started doing more work inside, and opening up more for people to see, we get less of this sort of thing.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Blurgle on December 02, 2008, 05:00:23 PM
Probably.

When I used to be a cashier in a bad neighbourhood, we had restrictions on spraypaint, to cut down on the graffiti.

Many municipalities in Canada have restrictions on spray paint. Where I live, it's kept on locked shelves behind doors. To buy it, you have to be 18 years of age and not have a conviction for vandalism.

They must have got the mayor's house one year.

On the other topic, I was carded for alcohol three days after my 40th birthday.  :)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ladycrim on December 02, 2008, 05:21:13 PM
Yay, I finally read this thread all the way through!

Random comments that went through my head:

 - Wow, people can really be callous/selfish/thick where death is concerned.

 - On IDs: A cashier tried to card me last week for a bottle of sparkling cider.  (In her defense, it was face-down in the basket.)  She did, however, laugh and apologize as soon as she realized her mistake.  I told her I was flattered.  ;)


And my own "We're not getting any more" story:

My mom used to volunteer at a mall gift-wrap booth every Christmas season.  When I was old enough, I started helping her.  One December 24, there was a long line of people waiting to have their purchases wrapped.  As it was the last day, we were running out of certain colors and styles of wrap and bows.

A man and his adult son wanted a gift wrapped like one of the small display boxes we had hanging up - say, silver wrap with purple and yellow ribbon and bows.  We were out of purple and yellow ribbon, so the woman who wrapped the gift used red and blue ribbon and bows instead.  It still looked lovely, of course.

The man and his son threw a royal fit, yelling at both my mother and the other woman about how stupid they were for putting on the wrong color ribbons.  No explanations of "It's Christmas Eve, we're out of some things" placated them.  They refused to pay for the wrapping job.  Mom, to her credit, wouldn't let them take the gift without paying for the wrap.  The son tore the wrap off the gift, then turned to the line of customers and announced, "Don't get your gifts wrapped here.  They don't know what they're doing."  Then he and his dad marched off.

Mom proceeded to announce to the line that they were out of certain colors of ribbon, but they would happily substitute with whatever they had.  Not a single customer left that line.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Snowy Owl on December 02, 2008, 05:35:53 PM
I'm a volunteer with a group trying to raise funds to restore a Tudor manor house that has been derelict since a fire in the 1980's, helping out with work in the grounds, and when the place is open to the public. On open days, people look around the four or five ground floor (first floor in the US, I believe) rooms that are safe enough for us to take people into.

I feel for you.  In my student days I worked as a tour guide in a stately home and nothing could quite compare to the visiting public for sheer stupidity and rudeness. Not only did we have people trying to play scrabble on the antique dining table and steal the armour, but we also had some of the most hilarious events, including:

The class of history students who wanted to know which side Oliver Cromwell was on in the Civil War, the Confederate or the Yankee side;
The very stoned Australian backpacker who asked me whether I belonged to the owner or whether I was allowed to leave the property.  Later he tried to urinate on the ornamental gardens and was removed from the property;
Several people who refused to believe the portrait of Elizabeth I was accurate as she didn't look like that in the film and did we have a photo of her to prove it?;

These were a small minority, as the vast majority were lovely and very interested in what the guides had to say.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on December 02, 2008, 07:08:33 PM
Quote
I was carded trying to buy non-alcoholic wine from a grocery store (I was pregnant, and 29).  They insisted.  Fortunately DH had his ID with him. 

I was carded trying to buy fancy-schmancy root beer in glass bottles for DF.  I was 24 and the checker was VERY skeptical that I was of age.  Finally, after he'd been examining my ID and staring at me for a few minutes, I got exasperated and said "you do realize this is ROOT BEER, not actual beer, right?".  Not my finest moment but it was fun to watch him turn all shades of red. 

Not too long ago I went to a nearby 7-11 and got two Pepsis, some cookies, and a loaf of bread.  I put everything on the counter, and the cashier asked for my ID.  I asked, "I have to show an ID for this?"  He then realized what I had and said, "Sorry.  Automatic pilot." 

I once had my military ID turned down for identification when using a credit card in Texas.  The cashier asked for a Texas driver's license.  I told him I didn't have one, as I was visiting from California.  He accepted my California driver's license.  I asked why he wouldn't accept my military ID for identification since they were surrounded by military bases, and he told me that they'd had problems with military people refusing to make good on checks and the first sergeants refusing to help the store (one of the jobs of a first sergeant is to make sure that military people in their squadron make good on their checks.)  I told Mr. Sirius about that when I got home, and he said the same thing I did:  "Those first sergeants aren't doing their jobs." 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sleepingmediocre on December 02, 2008, 07:12:12 PM
This happened to me several years ago, when I worked in the records room at the local courthouse:

A husband and wife came in looking for a copy of his father's will.  It seemed the father had died, and the stepmother was making off with property the son felt was his.  Unfortunately, it turned out that he was thinking of an earlier copy of his father's will--the father had since revised the will to say that the stepmother was his sole heir and got everything.  There was also a standard clause saying that if the stepmother died before the father, at the same time as the father or within a certain number of days after his death (30, I think), the son became his father's sole heir and got everything.

The son read over the will and shook his head, saying "It's no use.  She got everything."  His wife asked me if there were any way I could help them falsify the will so it looked like the husband inherited the stuff he wanted, and the stepmother got everything else.  I told them no--first, I'm not allowed to alter any document filed in the office, and second, there was more than likely more than one copy of the will.  If one suddenly turned up saying something different from all the others, it would be obvious that it had been faked.  

She then pointed at the clause, turned to me and said "His father died X days ago.  So if something were to...HAPPEN...to the stepmother within Y days, does that mean my husband would inherit?"

I took a few steps back, giggled nervously, and said "I don't like the way this conversation is going."

 :o

I've been asked a lot of CRAZY questions over the years, but that was the first, last and only time I was ever asked to falsify a will or rationalize a murder!!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Shiraz_Much? on December 02, 2008, 07:35:16 PM
 :o
WOW.  That takes the cake right there.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kherbert05 on December 02, 2008, 08:34:11 PM


I was carded trying to buy fancy-schmancy root beer in glass bottles for DF.  I was 24 and the checker was VERY skeptical that I was of age.  Finally, after he'd been examining my ID and staring at me for a few minutes, I got exasperated and said "you do realize this is ROOT BEER, not actual beer, right?".  Not my finest moment but it was fun to watch him turn all shades of red. 

I grew up reading a lot of British and Canadian Children's books. I remember several were the kids were drinking Ginger Beer. My Senior year our drill team went to Scottland and England. I wanted to try Ginger Beer and since it is a soft drink bought some.

A couple of the chaperones went off on me and the poor attendant on the train that sold it to me - because I was "under aged" (actually I was of age in both the US and England but not allowed to drink because it was a school trip). When they wouldn't listen me or the attendant I marched up to our Principal and asked him if he had ever heard of Root beer or Ginger ale. He had. I told him Ginger Beer was a soft drink and I wanted to try it but the idiots wouldn't listen and were being "the worst kind of American tourist". He told them off and bought me a Ginger Beer. (There had been other problems with these chaperones insulting people, they were really rude to people in Scotland about their accents, and insisting on "real" meaning American food).
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: gibsongirl on December 02, 2008, 08:35:05 PM
Sleepingmediocre, you officially win the thread!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Soxylady on December 02, 2008, 10:38:07 PM
[The class of history students who wanted to know which side Oliver Cromwell was on in the Civil War, the Confederate or the Yankee side;

I will weep for humanity just as soon as I stop laughing hysterically.  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MamaMootz on December 02, 2008, 11:04:50 PM
I just got through the thread and had my own Bonehead Moment to add:

My dad was visiting us for a couple of weeks. He likes to drink light beer. DH and I do not drink, and I think the last time I purchased alcohol was over 10 years ago.

So at Wally World, I get to the register and the cashier is asking me for my date of birth and my license. Not thinking, I blurt out:
What on earth do you need THAT for?

.........
and then I realized I was buying beer....... oops........ :-[
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Coruscation on December 02, 2008, 11:11:47 PM
:o
WOW.  That takes the cake right there.

I don't know, no request for time travel, weather control or bending the laws of physics at all. Its pretty mild compared to some of them.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Shea on December 02, 2008, 11:21:39 PM
:o
WOW.  That takes the cake right there.

I don't know, no request for time travel, weather control or bending the laws of physics at all. Its pretty mild compared to some of them.

True, though most also don't involve suggestions that murder be committed.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: immadz on December 03, 2008, 12:45:13 AM
[The class of history students who wanted to know which side Oliver Cromwell was on in the Civil War, the Confederate or the Yankee side;

I will weep for humanity just as soon as I stop laughing hysterically.  ;D

I agree, that is actually kind of funny and sadly all too believable
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Ferrets on December 03, 2008, 03:20:15 AM
[The class of history students who wanted to know which side Oliver Cromwell was on in the Civil War, the Confederate or the Yankee side;
I will weep for humanity just as soon as I stop laughing hysterically.  ;D
I agree, that is actually kind of funny and sadly all too believable
As an ECW re-enactor I also wish I could say I was surprised. ::) (Entertains delightful mental image of Zombie!Cromwell lurching over the ground of Gettysburg...wonder if the ACW chaps would be up for doing that at the next multi-period, just to see how many people spotted the 'deliberate mistake'! ;))
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Snowy Owl on December 03, 2008, 03:23:41 AM
[The class of history students who wanted to know which side Oliver Cromwell was on in the Civil War, the Confederate or the Yankee side;

I will weep for humanity just as soon as I stop laughing hysterically.  ;D

I agree, that is actually kind of funny and sadly all too believable

Well I did think they were joking but they were asked was deadly serious and genuinely thought there was only one civil war in history.  ??? It took me the best part of fifteen minutes to explain that the British Civil War and the American Civil War were two separate wars and precis the key events of each one.  It then took me another five minutes to explain that the American Revolution was something else entirely.  

I did wonder what the teacher had actually spent the term teaching them!    
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on December 03, 2008, 07:27:47 AM
[The class of history students who wanted to know which side Oliver Cromwell was on in the Civil War, the Confederate or the Yankee side;

I will weep for humanity just as soon as I stop laughing hysterically.  ;D

I agree, that is actually kind of funny and sadly all too believable

Pod. I mean, who doesn't know that the man was a Yankee?    ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: audrey1962 on December 03, 2008, 07:51:05 AM
When I buy cold medicine the cashier asks how old I am. I realize they're trying to protect themselves, but they don't ask for ID, they just ask how old I am, and then when I say "35" they just respond, "oh, but you look so young!" and then ring me up and send me on my way.

Fortunately for them I am 35.

And now thanks to e-hell my cats are trying to figure out how they can get their paws on that glue as perpetual motion sounds like a great way to exercise without putting in much effort!

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: TychaBrahe on December 03, 2008, 07:57:47 AM
Even if some passports do contain descriptive information (mine contains my eye and hair color, both of which can be changed, but not my height, which can't), it creates an odd situation.  I could read a passport from Canada, the UK, Australia, and maybe France, but not one from Germany, anywhere in Eastern Europe or Scandanavia or any of the other continents.  Is it fair for me to have a policy where certain people can get into a club or buy alcohol with a passport and certain others cannot?  Or that Swedes can only buy alcohol on Friday nights, which is when the Swedish exchange student works?  And when you consider that my language difficulties mean that certain Whites can buy alcohol, but most non-native Blacks, Hispanics, Arabs, and Asians can't it creates a public relations nightmare.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sleepingmediocre on December 03, 2008, 10:25:04 AM
Sleepingmediocre, you officially win the thread!

(bows) Thank you, thank you!  I'm glad dealing with those loons was good for SOMETHING!

Did I mention that while I was helping them track down the will, at one point the wife turned to face me and suddenly shoved her hand down the back of her pants, apropos of nothing?  She started wiggling her hand around, with a frown of concentration on her face.  I asked her if she needed some privacy (since telling a grown woman "Get your hand out of there!" just didn't seem right to me), and she said "No thanks, I'll be done in a minute.  There's a grass burr inside my underwear and it's bothering me, so I need to dig it out."  I bent back toward the record books so I didn't have to look at her, and a minute later she yelled "Got it!" and held the offending grass burr aloft.

HELLO, WE HAVE BATHROOMS YOU CAN USE FOR THIS!

I also had a person call during the presidential elections in 2004 (the voter registrar shared an office with us, and we often fielded her calls when she was busy) wanting to know if I could change his polling place.  You see, he was supposed to go to the Second Presbyterian Church to vote, and he believed that that violated the separation of CHURCH and state.  When I told him it wasn't possible, he got angry, threatening and loud.  The word "disenfranchisement" was tossed around often on his part, and I remember saying at one point, "Sir, it's in an outbuilding.  It's not as though they're putting the ballot box on the altar and demanding you be baptized into the one true faith before they let you cast your vote!"

I'd have had a lot more sympathy for him if we hadn't had early voting for two weeks before the election.  During early voting, any citizen in the county can either cast their vote at their city hall or at the county courthouse, regardless of where their polling place is.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: immadz on December 03, 2008, 10:43:25 AM
Even if some passports do contain descriptive information (mine contains my eye and hair color, both of which can be changed, but not my height, which can't), it creates an odd situation.  I could read a passport from Canada, the UK, Australia, and maybe France, but not one from Germany, anywhere in Eastern Europe or Scandanavia or any of the other continents.  Is it fair for me to have a policy where certain people can get into a club or buy alcohol with a passport and certain others cannot?  Or that Swedes can only buy alcohol on Friday nights, which is when the Swedish exchange student works?  And when you consider that my language difficulties mean that certain Whites can buy alcohol, but most non-native Blacks, Hispanics, Arabs, and Asians can't it creates a public relations nightmare.

Yes but not allowing passports as ids, especially in places with large tourist, short-term worker etc populations, officially makes it impossible for them to purchase alcohol. No tourist is going to obtain a drivers license when they visit for 5 days but a good number of them may want to try california wine. I do not think this rule is ever going to be fully or even regularly enforced.

Also, even though you may not be able to read say an Arabic passport I think the numbers would be the same. In one slot it is going to say 18/9/1980 or something and you are going to know that is the date of birth slot and in another it is going to say 5'10" and it will be the height slot and so on.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: PeasNCues on December 03, 2008, 10:45:03 AM
On carding -

My friend went to pick up some last minute apple juice the day before last Thanksgiving. She stood in line for a long time with just the apple juice. The cashier looked down at it and said, "I'll need some ID." Friend said, "I don't have my ID - and it's apple juice."

Start 5 minutes of arguing back and forth that it's non-alcholic apple juice with the customers behind her saying the same thing to the cashier, who calls the manager.

Manager takes one look at it and says, "It's apple juice - she doesn't need an ID." and walks off.

*sigh*
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Hushabye on December 03, 2008, 10:50:25 AM
Even if some passports do contain descriptive information (mine contains my eye and hair color, both of which can be changed, but not my height, which can't), it creates an odd situation.  I could read a passport from Canada, the UK, Australia, and maybe France, but not one from Germany, anywhere in Eastern Europe or Scandanavia or any of the other continents.  Is it fair for me to have a policy where certain people can get into a club or buy alcohol with a passport and certain others cannot?  Or that Swedes can only buy alcohol on Friday nights, which is when the Swedish exchange student works?  And when you consider that my language difficulties mean that certain Whites can buy alcohol, but most non-native Blacks, Hispanics, Arabs, and Asians can't it creates a public relations nightmare.

Yes but not allowing passports as ids, especially in places with large tourist, short-term worker etc populations, officially makes it impossible for them to purchase alcohol. No tourist is going to obtain a drivers license when they visit for 5 days but a good number of them may want to try california wine. I do not think this rule is ever going to be fully or even regularly enforced.

Also, even though you may not be able to read say an Arabic passport I think the numbers would be the same. In one slot it is going to say 18/9/1980 or something and you are going to know that is the date of birth slot and in another it is going to say 5'10" and it will be the height slot and so on.

Actually, while our numerals are based on Arabic numerals, they're not identical (for example, instead of a circle for zero, the Arabic numeral is actually a dot that looks a lot like a period; a one is identical, fours look like a backwards three in English, and nines look the same in both).  I don't know if Arabic numerals are used on passports in that language or not.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MyFamily on December 03, 2008, 10:55:13 AM
My mom used to volunteer at a mall gift-wrap booth every Christmas season.  When I was old enough, I started helping her.  One December 24, there was a long line of people waiting to have their purchases wrapped.  As it was the last day, we were running out of certain colors and styles of wrap and bows.

A man and his adult son wanted a gift wrapped like one of the small display boxes we had hanging up - say, silver wrap with purple and yellow ribbon and bows.  We were out of purple and yellow ribbon, so the woman who wrapped the gift used red and blue ribbon and bows instead.  It still looked lovely, of course.

The man and his son threw a royal fit, yelling at both my mother and the other woman about how stupid they were for putting on the wrong color ribbons.  No explanations of "It's Christmas Eve, we're out of some things" placated them.  They refused to pay for the wrapping job.  Mom, to her credit, wouldn't let them take the gift without paying for the wrap.  The son tore the wrap off the gift, then turned to the line of customers and announced, "Don't get your gifts wrapped here.  They don't know what they're doing."  Then he and his dad marched off.

Mom proceeded to announce to the line that they were out of certain colors of ribbon, but they would happily substitute with whatever they had.  Not a single customer left that line.

OOO!!  When I was in high school, I used to do this as well. It was horrible, some of the worse times I ever had.  People were so insanely rude and nasty, especially on the 24th*.  I had one guy tell me after I told him that we didn't have a certain color of paper he wanted that he hoped that my Christmas was as ruined as his.  I told him not to worry, I was Jewish so my Christmas was going to be pretty boring because there was nothing on tv that day.  And this is part of the reason why I hate going to the malls between Thanksgiving and January 3rd.

*though certainly not all of the people - like the guy who had me wrap up a big, huge teddy bear that was bigger then me, that was holding a ring box for his girlfriend - he was really great, especially because it is REALLY hard to wrap a big, huge teddy bear that is not in a box.  
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ladycrim on December 03, 2008, 11:36:06 AM
OOO!!  When I was in high school, I used to do this as well. It was horrible, some of the worse times I ever had.  People were so insanely rude and nasty, especially on the 24th*.  I had one guy tell me after I told him that we didn't have a certain color of paper he wanted that he hoped that my Christmas was as ruined as his.  I told him not to worry, I was Jewish so my Christmas was going to be pretty boring because there was nothing on tv that day.  And this is part of the reason why I hate going to the malls between Thanksgiving and January 3rd.

*though certainly not all of the people - like the guy who had me wrap up a big, huge teddy bear that was bigger then me, that was holding a ring box for his girlfriend - he was really great, especially because it is REALLY hard to wrap a big, huge teddy bear that is not in a box.  

*Grin* I'm Jewish, too.  In fact, it was a Jewish group (Women's American ORT) that Mom volunteered with.

Meanwhile, anyone whose Christmas/Hanukkah/Gift-Giving Holiday is ruined because of gift wrap color ... well, now.

(Granted, I might see someone potentially being bothered if they were given wrap that was specifically for the wrong holiday - though I still think "ruined" is way too strong a term to use.  This is why some nice, neutral, pretty snowflake wrap is my friend every December. :-) )
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: nutraxfornerves on December 03, 2008, 11:58:00 AM
Quote
No tourist is going to obtain a drivers license when they visit for 5 days but a good number of them may want to try california wine.
You don't have to have a California drivers license to buy alcohol in California. Any license will do, as long as it meets the requirements. If a license is not in a Roman alphabet, then you can get an International Driving Permit, which is a translation of the license into 9 languages. (In the US, an IDPis not required to drive, but is a good idea if the license may be hard for police or others to read.) Where it's a problem for alcohol purchase is that in some countries, most people do NOT have a drivers license. (I've noticed on my travel board that many UK folks do not.) And, as I mentioned, many bar staff will accept a passport anyway.

The notion of a drivers license as primary ID is so ingrained in the US, that clerks are often trained to accept only that. I've seen a store clerk reject a US passport because she had been told that only a DL was acceptable. A manager had to solve that one.

I suspect the law is an old one, d@ting to repeal of Prohibition, with the need for a photo tacked on later. Most drivers licenses didn't have photos until the 1960s or so, so a physical description was all you had to go by.

Back on topic, we once had a request to violate the laws of physics. I haven't posted it, because it would take a crash course inphysics to explain. The Big Boss got a bee in his bonnet that if we did X it would solve a huge probelm. The reasons why it was physically impossible to do X were beyond his comprehension, so we finally had to assemble a team of scientists and some low level managers who understood science and some higher up mangers who trusted the lower level ones. The scientist would explain; the low level manager would say "Dr. Whosit is correct, it can't be done"; and the high level manager would say "You can rely on Dr. Low Level; if he says it can't be done, then it can't be done."
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: PeterM on December 03, 2008, 12:11:23 PM
Also, even though you may not be able to read say an Arabic passport I think the numbers would be the same. In one slot it is going to say 18/9/1980 or something and you are going to know that is the date of birth slot and in another it is going to say 5'10" and it will be the height slot and so on.

Except the height and weight slots are likely to be metric, or at least I would assume so, and be far from precise to the average American. I have a vague sense of what height a given number of centimeters is, but not enough to say "Okay, that's five-ten." Kilos are easier, but the weight of a person is hard to judge and likely to change anyway. And if you don't know the passport-language's words for color you're out of luck on hair and eye color.

All that said I still think foreign language passports should be acceptable as ID for things like buying alcohol as long as they have a picture and a readable date of birth. I really don't care if a few underage foreign tourists manage to buy booze.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Outdoor Girl on December 03, 2008, 12:17:52 PM
I had no problem buying wine in California with my Ontario driver's license.

Of course, the fact that I was 39 at the time had nothing to do with it.   :D

(I almost kissed the clerk...)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: matf on December 03, 2008, 12:32:45 PM
My favorite driver's license story comes from a time DH was driving. We were in Indiana, and we're from NJ. DH was speeding and got pulled over. The cop asks for his driver's license, and he hands it over. The cop goes back to his car and stays there quite a while. Then he comes back and explains that the NJ driver's license serial number (15 digits, I think) is too long to fit in the space he has on his form. Do we have another driver's license?  :o

After several rounds of explanations, one of the passengers, who has a license only for ID since he doesn't drive, offered his NY state license. The policeman, knowing full well that this person wasn't driving, happily took it and listed it on his form.  ::)

(We paid, but only because DH was actually speeding. If he had had to contest it, I can't imagine he would have lost.)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wordgirl on December 03, 2008, 12:36:23 PM
I've got three stories from my days working at an airline:

"The Man Who Fell Asleep" -- Basically, I worked the early shift when I first started working as a gate agent.  We had a plane that left around 7 am, going from Minneapolis to Denver.  The boarding went smoothly, we were missing one person.  We paged this person many, many times (probably 6 or 7 total), way more than normal.  We finally gave up on that person, shut the door of the plane, and gave up control of it to ATC.  As the plane was backing out of the gate, a man who had been sleeping in our gate area, woke up, and freaked out.  He was supposed to be on that plane, you see.  It was our fault that he wasn't.  We should have gone around and tried to wake him up, because it was our responsibility to make sure he got on his plane.  He now wanted us to call the plane back to the gate.  Uh, no, not happening.  This was post 9/11 -- federal regulations prevented us from opening the door of the plane unless the pilot requested it, and the pilot wasn't going to request it because we couldn't get ahold of him! 
I actually had a good falling-asleep story once.

I conked out in the Atlanta airport a few years ago, after a fairly long and harrowing journey from California. I missed the second-to-last flight to Orlando; I think I woke up about the same time your guy did.

I went very abjectly to the gate agent and said "look, I'm not sure there's anything you can do for me here, because this was completely my fault." He got me on the last flight to MCO - which is typically jammed. And he did it by putting me in first class.

"Stunned" doesn't quite sum it up. :D First class on such a short flight is not that big a deal, but I was mostly thrilled just to NOT be spending the night in the Atlanta airport. I have always worried that he might have gotten in trouble for it, but I'll definitely remember his kindness. (I wrote a letter that skirted any actions on his part that I thought potentially would have gotten him in trouble, but praising him warmly.)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ladycrim on December 03, 2008, 01:02:43 PM
I actually had a good falling-asleep story once.

I conked out in the Atlanta airport a few years ago, after a fairly long and harrowing journey from California. I missed the second-to-last flight to Orlando; I think I woke up about the same time your guy did.

I went very abjectly to the gate agent and said "look, I'm not sure there's anything you can do for me here, because this was completely my fault." He got me on the last flight to MCO - which is typically jammed. And he did it by putting me in first class.

"Stunned" doesn't quite sum it up. :D First class on such a short flight is not that big a deal, but I was mostly thrilled just to NOT be spending the night in the Atlanta airport. I have always worried that he might have gotten in trouble for it, but I'll definitely remember his kindness. (I wrote a letter that skirted any actions on his part that I thought potentially would have gotten him in trouble, but praising him warmly.)

Now, see?  If Sleeping Man had been as polite as you were, he might have gotten some perks out of it!  More flies with honey and all ...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Lady Snowdon on December 03, 2008, 01:33:34 PM
I actually had a good falling-asleep story once.

I conked out in the Atlanta airport a few years ago, after a fairly long and harrowing journey from California. I missed the second-to-last flight to Orlando; I think I woke up about the same time your guy did.

I went very abjectly to the gate agent and said "look, I'm not sure there's anything you can do for me here, because this was completely my fault." He got me on the last flight to MCO - which is typically jammed. And he did it by putting me in first class.

"Stunned" doesn't quite sum it up. :D First class on such a short flight is not that big a deal, but I was mostly thrilled just to NOT be spending the night in the Atlanta airport. I have always worried that he might have gotten in trouble for it, but I'll definitely remember his kindness. (I wrote a letter that skirted any actions on his part that I thought potentially would have gotten him in trouble, but praising him warmly.)

Now, see?  If Sleeping Man had been as polite as you were, he might have gotten some perks out of it!  More flies with honey and all ...

That story actually had a pretty funny ending, it just wasn't part of the impossible request, so I didn't include it.  My coworker and I got Sleeping Man rebooked on a flight with another airline (leaving about an hour after our flight did), and thought we were set.  SM disagreed with that assumption.  The conversation went something like:
My Coworker (MC): There you go sir, you're on flight XXX with BLAHBLAH airline, leaving from Gate G19 in about an hour.
SM: Rant Rant Rant.  Horrible customer service.  Who flies with you anyway?  You need to call my plane back.  Rant Rant Rant.
MC: I'm sorry you were inconvenienced sir, but here is your rebooked flight information.
SM: Rant Rant Rant.  Can't believe you're making me wait so long to get on another plane.  Horrible people.  Hope you're satisfied with how you've ruined my day.  Rant Rant Rant.
MC: Sir, again I'm very sorry.  Here is your new flight info, and it looks like the plane is leaving in....30 minutes...from another concourse.

Never again did I see someone move that fast in the airport!  WordGirl, I'm glad you were able to get on that last flight, and I'm willing to bet that the letter you wrote made that agent's day!  Good for you for writing that letter. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: eport on December 03, 2008, 02:32:14 PM
a driver's license story...via my brother and his buddies.

It was the end of the semster and a group of guys (all of legal drinking age) are going to meet at the campus bar to celebrate the end of exams. One of the guys is joining later (early afternoon so bar is not crowded). He shows up to bar and hands over his Nebraska drivers license. Bouncer is convinced it is a fake. Student shows his student ID to prove same name, same picture. Bouncer not buying it and announced that the law in Missouri (school is in St. Louis) is that a bar only has to accept drivers licenses from Missouri and the states that touch Missouri. This is not the law and hmmm, Nebraska touches Missouri so it doesn't fly. Student goes to library, checks out atlas and returns to bar. He shows the bouncer that Nebraska does touch Missouri and asks for manager. Student and atlas joins everyone for a drink. The end.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: ClaireC79 on December 03, 2008, 02:36:14 PM
I don't think my UK passport has a discription on it
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 03, 2008, 03:07:45 PM
I have a license story as well! I do now, and have always looked WAY younger than I am.  I'll be 43 next week, and am told I look late 20's - early 30's - which is wonderful.  However, when I was 18 and told I looked 12, i was NOT amused.

Anyway...in NJ, you used to have the option of a paper or photo license.  I had a photo for my first one at 17, but when it came time to renew, I was in school, out of state, so I just got the paper one by mail. (WAY before 9/11 and all added security measures). 

The year I turned 21, I went to the DMV while home for Thanksgiving, and got a new license, with a photo, so the minute I turned 21, I could drink!  Since it wasn't time to actaully renew, they put "duplicate" at the bottom.  Never had a problem in MD at school, but that summer while home, I was out at a bar, and the bartender refused to serve me because it was a duplicate.  Apparently my young looks and that made her think I had swiped someone's license!  She finally relented, but not after much back and forth.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Nanny Ogg on December 03, 2008, 03:09:09 PM
A picture is a description of sorts, just not a written one.... Lol
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: immadz on December 03, 2008, 03:29:04 PM
I had no problem buying wine in California with my Ontario driver's license.

Of course, the fact that I was 39 at the time had nothing to do with it.   :D

(I almost kissed the clerk...)

I have had no problem buying wine or going to bars in California with just my passport. Part of the reason why I think this rule will not be enforced. Lots of people visit California, many dont have licenses either in their home country, or an international one. All of them (at least ones that came legally) have passports with very similar information.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: aline on December 03, 2008, 03:37:49 PM
This is a bit long, sorry. I have a client, who I will call Jessica, who is a small business owner who makes bath products. I've worked with her before, and it's always challenging. She wants me to design a label for her for her company's newest product.

Should be relatively easy (ha!) because all I have to do is plug new information into the layout I've already designed for previous products. I just need to get: the product name, the size the new label needs to be, the photo they want to use (they have a photographer who does a shoot for each product), the verbiage they want to include and the ingredient list.

Day 1

J: We need to have you do another label - we're going to release a new product soon.

Me: Great! I'm glad to hear your business is doing so well. Tell me a bit about the new product.

J: It's a new bath product. We need to get it done right away.

Me: Ok, let me just ask you a few questions so I can get started. What are you calling the product?

J: It's a new bath product. We're really excited about it.

Me: Great! What is the actual product name, so I know what to put on the label?

J: We haven't decided yet.

Me: Ok, that's fine. I'll use a placeholder for now. Has the photographer taken the photo yet?

J: No, we haven't started on that yet.

Me: Ok, I'll use one of the other product shots for now. Can you send me the ingredient list and the verbiage you'd like to use?

J: Ok, I'll do that tonight.


Every day from then until now:

J: How's that label coming?

Me: I haven't received any information from you yet - did you try to send anything?

J: No, I don't use email. I can't figure it out.

Me: Ok, is there another way you can send it over? I'd be happy to take down the information over the phone or you could send it via fax or regular mail. I can't start on your label until you send me some information.

J: Why not?

Me: (banging head on desk): Well, I don't have anything to put on it. You haven't sent me anything.

J: Can't you just put together a draft?

Me: I'd be happy to, but I'm not sure what you would have me put on it. I don't have any of the items I need from you to start. I don't even know the product name or the size of the label.

J: Oh. Well I'll have someone send you that.

It's been 2 months now, and I still don't have a single thing. She still calls me every day though. I have no idea how to better get across to her that I can't create something from nothing!  :-\

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on December 03, 2008, 03:53:58 PM
I had no problem buying wine in California with my Ontario driver's license.

Of course, the fact that I was 39 at the time had nothing to do with it.   :D

(I almost kissed the clerk...)

I made someone's day once.  I carded a man buying beer because I honestly couldn't tell how old he was.  He was shorter than me and had a beard.  He was thrilled; he'd just turned 37 and had been feeling very old until I asked for his ID.  The best part, though, was when he went out to his truck.  I saw this through the front door; a friend was waiting in his truck, and apparently he was telling his friend what had just happened, because all of a sudden the friend started laughing.  The man had walked out the door with a big grin on his face, so I'm glad I cheered him up.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Black Delphinium on December 03, 2008, 03:55:01 PM
farfalla, I'll name the product and send you a picture for the bottle, just as soon as I wash the cat.  :D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Dindrane on December 03, 2008, 04:08:03 PM
Farfalla, what would happen if you took the last label you made for this woman (whatever you'd use to plug information into) and sent it off?

Then when she says, no, that's the label for OtherProduct, I need the label for NewProduct, you can cheerfully tell her that you included all the new information she gave you, and anything that isn't right is just a place holder.  And then tell her that you'll just wait for her to send you changes before you do anything else.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on December 03, 2008, 04:29:21 PM
Most passports, even the ones in Arabic or Asian languages, have subheadings in English, just like the American passports have French subheadings.

The exception are older Egyptian ones (most are expired by now), which have subheadings in French.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: aline on December 03, 2008, 04:41:03 PM
farfalla, I'll name the product and send you a picture for the bottle, just as soon as I wash the cat.  :D

I may take you up on that!  :)

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Black Delphinium on December 03, 2008, 04:41:49 PM
farfalla, I'll name the product and send you a picture for the bottle, just as soon as I wash the cat.  :D

I may take you up on that!  :)


I'd buy a bath product with a picture of a sad, wet cat on it...but I'm mean.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: aline on December 03, 2008, 04:42:06 PM
Farfalla, what would happen if you took the last label you made for this woman (whatever you'd use to plug information into) and sent it off?

Then when she says, no, that's the label for OtherProduct, I need the label for NewProduct, you can cheerfully tell her that you included all the new information she gave you, and anything that isn't right is just a place holder.  And then tell her that you'll just wait for her to send you changes before you do anything else.

I tried that after the first week or so. I emailed it & sent her a hard copy via mail. So far, no luck.  :-\
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: aline on December 03, 2008, 04:42:59 PM
farfalla, I'll name the product and send you a picture for the bottle, just as soon as I wash the cat.  :D

I may take you up on that!  :)


I'd buy a bath product with a picture of a sad, wet cat on it...but I'm mean.

I would too. I'm thinking just about anyone who has ever attempted to give a cat a bath might want one. :P
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Dindrane on December 03, 2008, 05:01:34 PM
Farfalla, what would happen if you took the last label you made for this woman (whatever you'd use to plug information into) and sent it off?

Then when she says, no, that's the label for OtherProduct, I need the label for NewProduct, you can cheerfully tell her that you included all the new information she gave you, and anything that isn't right is just a place holder.  And then tell her that you'll just wait for her to send you changes before you do anything else.

I tried that after the first week or so. I emailed it & sent her a hard copy via mail. So far, no luck.  :-\

Well, goodness, she sounds rather dense.  I would suggest calling her every day (before the time when she typically calls you) and asking her if she's sent the information yet...but that might only be a good way to lose her business.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Suze on December 03, 2008, 05:43:24 PM
I think that I would send a BLANK label

With the note that this is all the info you have and would she like me to print them as is or does she want to change some things......
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: high dudgeon on December 03, 2008, 05:56:37 PM
Send her a plain rectangular white label with the word "PRODUCT" written on it in the most boring typeface there is. Tell her you'll be able to do more when she gives you the name, size, description, etc.

Something like this (http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/566589/2/istockphoto_566589_opening_up_a_can_of_worms_vector.jpg)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Jinxy on December 03, 2008, 07:11:15 PM
This one is long and comes not from me but from my best friend, S.
BG: We met when I was working at a emergency vet clinic, she's a tech with 20 years experience and I'm a receptionist. I no longer work there but do temp when someone needs a day off.
The clinic is open during the week at 6pm til 8am the next morning.
The clinic's phone number, is more often the not, given as the emergency number for several vets offices in the area. We make a huge deal about answering the phone "Our Emergency Center of Specific Area of Local County" so that the clients of day practices know that they are not calling their regular vet.
We're in Georgia, very close to Atlanta
/BG

S worked the overnight shift Monday, she went into work at 6pm and was scheduled to go off shift at 8am Tuesday.

The phone rang at 7:30am Tuesday, S answers the phone with the standard greeting and the dog owner on the other end tells her that she's a patient of "regular day practice clinic". Her bf gave her mini-pin a tiny part of a ham bone and she didn't want him to, but he did it anyway. Ever since the bf gave mini-pin the ham bone, mini-pin is been throwing up. It's been 24 hours and nothing that she's offered the dog has stayed down.
 S asks about blood in the vomit, any other symptoms, finds out what's going on with the mini-pin and tells the woman on the phone that she needs to have her dog seen a.s.a.p. and that since "regular day practice clinic" is open in less then half an hour she should take it straight there. It could be something serious, that much vomiting on a small dog could cause dehydration. Dog owner interupts and says dog isn't that small, she's about 8lbs.
S repeats herself that 24 hours of vomiting in a small dog can cause dehydration and for that reason alone the dog should be seen.

Brace yourselves,....

The dog owner replies back that she's on an island in the Carribean. She moved there a few months ago and she's a patient of "regular day practice clinic".
 S blinks a few times, double checks that the dog owner said Carribean, and then tells her that she needs to take her dog to a local vet. The dog owner replies that she doesn't like or trust the local vets. This part of the conversation goes on for about 10 Min's. S can not seem to get this owner to understand that there wasn't anything that could be done over the phone, that the dog needed to go to the local vet.

She called me about 8:15 am needing to talk to someone sane.

Jinxy

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Yvaine on December 03, 2008, 07:57:32 PM
Brace yourselves,....

The dog owner replies back that she's on an island in the Carribean. She moved there a few months ago and she's a patient of "regular day practice clinic".
 S blinks a few times, double checks that the dog owner said Carribean, and then tells her that she needs to take her dog to a local vet. The dog owner replies that she doesn't like or trust the local vets. This part of the conversation goes on for about 10 Min's. S can not seem to get this owner to understand that there wasn't anything that could be done over the phone, that the dog needed to go to the local vet.

She called me about 8:15 am needing to talk to someone sane.


The poor little dog...  :'(
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: BusyBee on December 03, 2008, 08:50:43 PM
Farfalla, what would happen if you took the last label you made for this woman (whatever you'd use to plug information into) and sent it off?

Then when she says, no, that's the label for OtherProduct, I need the label for NewProduct, you can cheerfully tell her that you included all the new information she gave you, and anything that isn't right is just a place holder.  And then tell her that you'll just wait for her to send you changes before you do anything else.

I tried that after the first week or so. I emailed it & sent her a hard copy via mail. So far, no luck.  :-\

How thick...
How about a nice simple label with a "Photo here" watermark, a spashy font that says "Name here", and on the back "No-name is a bath product that blah blah blah yada yada yada..." and list "Ingredients: Secret formula: ingredient #1, ingredient #2, ingredient #3..."  Then you could say it's done, waiting for her edits.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kareng57 on December 03, 2008, 09:05:55 PM
I had no problem buying wine in California with my Ontario driver's license.

Of course, the fact that I was 39 at the time had nothing to do with it.   :D

(I almost kissed the clerk...)


I don't think that we (BC, Canada residents) have ever been asked for ID in either Washington state or Oregon when buying wine or beer.

Then again, we are both over 50 and look it...

One popular family-restaurant chain here seems to be reluctant to hire under-19s as wait-staff (they will hire them as bussers or dishwashers).  The chain is licensed, and alcoholic beverages can only be served by someone of legal age.  So if there's an underage waiter, and the dining-party orders wine, beer, or cocktails, they'd have to fetch an older waiter to deliver the beverages.  I guess that can be a lot of hassle at busy times.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: PeterM on December 04, 2008, 12:44:56 AM
The year I turned 21, I went to the DMV while home for Thanksgiving, and got a new license, with a photo, so the minute I turned 21, I could drink!  Since it wasn't time to actaully renew, they put "duplicate" at the bottom.  Never had a problem in MD at school, but that summer while home, I was out at a bar, and the bartender refused to serve me because it was a duplicate.  Apparently my young looks and that made her think I had swiped someone's license!  She finally relented, but not after much back and forth.

So her theory was that the instant you stole someone else's license, the word "duplicate" magically appeared on it, in such a way that it appeared as if it had always been there, and indeed had been added by the DMV themselves? Either that or you're not a very good criminal, and while you were pasting your picture on top of the pic of whoever you stole the ID from your guilty conscience forced you to add a clue that would allow a sharp bartender to deduce what had happened and refuse you service! Kind of like how The Riddler is always warning Batman about what he's going to do next. He just can't help it.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: PeterM on December 04, 2008, 12:47:33 AM
I made someone's day once.  I carded a man buying beer because I honestly couldn't tell how old he was.  He was shorter than me and had a beard.  He was thrilled; he'd just turned 37 and had been feeling very old until I asked for his ID.

My mom and her best friend were thrilled when they were asked for ID when buying beer at Boston Garden during a Celtics game. They were probably in their early to mid-forties at the time, and it absolutely made their day.

Until they heard the next cashier over ask to see the ID of a man who had to be at least eighty years old. Apparently they had to ask literally everyone, so the thrill was short-lived.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: blarg314 on December 04, 2008, 03:10:16 AM
Quote
No tourist is going to obtain a drivers license when they visit for 5 days but a good number of them may want to try california wine.
You don't have to have a California drivers license to buy alcohol in California.

It was one particular grocery store in SoCal that had the rule that *only* California drivers licenses or California State IDs were acceptable. And if one person in the group didn't have the above, then no-one in the group would be sold alcohol, period, regardless of age. This was in an area that had a fair number of tourists, and lots of short term visitors (mainly for the various research institutions).

However, the other grocery store, down the street, could manage out of state or out of country licenses and passports no problem. One bar nearby, known for it's impressive selection of on tap beers, would always check ID, take the ID into the back, and return about 5 minutes later, happy. I think they had a wall-of-IDs in the back against which they would check our assorted documentation.


Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: scarifier on December 04, 2008, 04:21:11 AM
Similar to the blank label...

When I worked as a web developer (I programmed applications and database stuff rather than being on the design side of things) I was once asked to provide a quote for a website. Trouble is, the client refused to tell me anything about the project, even if I signed a confidentiality agreement.

Conversations would go like this:

ME: I need to have an idea of what you will need the website to be able to do before I can give you a quote.
THEM: We can't really tell you - just give us a ballpark figure.
ME: Unfortunately, I can't give you any kind of figure without an idea of the scope of the project. Will visitors to your website need a facility to log in and create a profile? Will you be adding new content regularly?
THEM: If you give us a quote for those things, that will give us an idea of cost.
ME: Okay, once your clients have created a profile, what sort of things are you going to allow them to do on the site? You don't need to tell me specifically, but for example, will they be able to blog? Will they be accessing a discussion forum?
THEM: We can't tell you, but you can include those things in your quote.
ME:  :'(

It was like extracting blood from a stone. In the end? It turned out to be a dating site. Yet another impossible request - they flat refused to pay for any kind of advertising or marketing, refused to believe me that their site would be lost in amongst the plethora of dating sites already out there, and blamed me when it wasn't an instant success. I suggested (many times) that they should spend a little money on advertising; they decided to shut the site down as they had not budgeted for anything other than the original design (and they hadn't really budgeted enough for that, either). o.0

I won't even begin to tell you about the drama we had when I explained that they would have to pay for hosting - they thought that they would pay for the website and that it would appear online free of charge forever...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: hobish on December 04, 2008, 04:30:48 AM
The year I turned 21, I went to the DMV while home for Thanksgiving, and got a new license, with a photo, so the minute I turned 21, I could drink!  Since it wasn't time to actaully renew, they put "duplicate" at the bottom.  Never had a problem in MD at school, but that summer while home, I was out at a bar, and the bartender refused to serve me because it was a duplicate.  Apparently my young looks and that made her think I had swiped someone's license!  She finally relented, but not after much back and forth.

So her theory was that the instant you stole someone else's license, the word "duplicate" magically appeared on it, in such a way that it appeared as if it had always been there, and indeed had been added by the DMV themselves? Either that or you're not a very good criminal, and while you were pasting your picture on top of the pic of whoever you stole the ID from your guilty conscience forced you to add a clue that would allow a sharp bartender to deduce what had happened and refuse you service! Kind of like how The Riddler is always warning Batman about what he's going to do next. He just can't help it.



Not quite. I think stolen is not quite the accurate word there. Why duplicates can be an issue is because person A can give their docs to person B who looks somewhat like them. Person B takes docs to DMV and gets a duplicate license with their picture on it instead of person A's, but it has person A's information. Now person A and person B both have a valid license with their picture on it, but person B is seventeen and carrying a duplicate, while person A is 22 and using the original.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: caranfin on December 04, 2008, 09:51:52 AM
When I worked as a web developer (I programmed applications and database stuff rather than being on the design side of things) I was once asked to provide a quote for a website. Trouble is, the client refused to tell me anything about the project, even if I signed a confidentiality agreement.


I wonder if they were related to the job applicant who not only couldn't provide writing samples due to confidentiality, but wouldn't even tell us what he had done.

"I understand that you can't show us a copy of work you did for Big Secret Contractor, but we need to know what kind of writing you did there."

"I can't tell you. It's classified."

"I understand. I don't want to know the content. I just want to know what kind of writing it was. Operating instructions? Training materials? Reports?"

"I can't tell you. It's classified."

You're applying for a job and your qualifications supposedly include writing experience, but you won't tell us what you wrote? Yeah. Have a nice day.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 04, 2008, 10:03:46 AM
The year I turned 21, I went to the DMV while home for Thanksgiving, and got a new license, with a photo, so the minute I turned 21, I could drink!  Since it wasn't time to actaully renew, they put "duplicate" at the bottom.  Never had a problem in MD at school, but that summer while home, I was out at a bar, and the bartender refused to serve me because it was a duplicate.  Apparently my young looks and that made her think I had swiped someone's license!  She finally relented, but not after much back and forth.

So her theory was that the instant you stole someone else's license, the word "duplicate" magically appeared on it, in such a way that it appeared as if it had always been there, and indeed had been added by the DMV themselves? Either that or you're not a very good criminal, and while you were pasting your picture on top of the pic of whoever you stole the ID from your guilty conscience forced you to add a clue that would allow a sharp bartender to deduce what had happened and refuse you service! Kind of like how The Riddler is always warning Batman about what he's going to do next. He just can't help it.




Not quite. I think stolen is not quite the accurate word there. Why duplicates can be an issue is because person A can give their docs to person B who looks somewhat like them. Person B takes docs to DMV and gets a duplicate license with their picture on it instead of person A's, but it has person A's information. Now person A and person B both have a valid license with their picture on it, but person B is seventeen and carrying a duplicate, while person A is 22 and using the original.



Exactly!  In fact, I had a friend do the very same thing.  She and I lived at the beach one summer, and she was going to be 21 right after labor day...but wanted to be able to drink....so she convinced another friend who was legal to let her "borrow" her birth certificate, and went to the DMV, said she was the other friend, had lost her license, and got HER photo taken, and a duplicate license made. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Sirius on December 04, 2008, 12:11:41 PM

"I understand that you can't show us a copy of work you did for Big Secret Contractor, but we need to know what kind of writing you did there."

"I can't tell you. It's classified."

"I understand. I don't want to know the content. I just want to know what kind of writing it was. Operating instructions? Training materials? Reports?"

"I can't tell you. It's classified."

You're applying for a job and your qualifications supposedly include writing experience, but you won't tell us what you wrote? Yeah. Have a nice day.

Talk about taking something overboard.  When I worked for the records section I put operating instructions together for a particular report that I managed.  That line right there doesn't tell anyone anything about what the report said, right?  Maybe the person was taking the "if we tell you we'll have to shoot you" line literally.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Samantha on December 04, 2008, 12:42:06 PM
Exactly!  In fact, I had a friend do the very same thing.  She and I lived at the beach one summer, and she was going to be 21 right after labor day...but wanted to be able to drink....so she convinced another friend who was legal to let her "borrow" her birth certificate, and went to the DMV, said she was the other friend, had lost her license, and got HER photo taken, and a duplicate license made. 


I had a friend try to convince me to let someone borrow my birth certificate and car registration so they could get a license that said they were 21 (they were 19 at the time). I told my friend that she was insane, as not only was it illegal and I had no interest in getting arrested, but while her friend and I both had blonde hair, my eyes are green (hers were blue), and I'm only 5'3 and weighed 175 (her friend was 5'7 and weighed around 130). There was no way that I was going to have a 4" growth spurt AND lose over 40 pounds in the 4 months since I had received my 21+ license!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: nutraxfornerves on December 04, 2008, 01:15:03 PM
One St. Patrick's Day my 10 year old cousin joined the rest of the 21+ year old family in a sojourn to a local Irish bar. She borrowed a friend's ID. They were both pale blondes, but otherwise did not look much alike. The waitress said she had to have the bartender verify all the IDs. She took them over to the bar. The bartender agreed that all were in order. The thing was, it was so crowded that he could not actually see any of us. He only looked at the IDs; he didn't compare them to the people presenting them. Her 15 year old brother could have gotten away with that ID.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: RegionMom on December 04, 2008, 01:35:44 PM
My license had my b-day off by a few days.  Ex- instead of the 4th, it listed my b-day as the 14th. 
So, on my 21st b-day, an art major college friend of mine did a bit of "work" on my license so that I could go out and drink on my actual b-day. 
Who else needed a fake id on their 21st b-day?!?!

Impossible request I heard recently at an open air Farmer's Market--"Will you be getting anymore (name off-season fruit here) by next week?"
"um, no, but we will in the spring, when it is the proper growing season."
"But, I want it NOW!"

Well, you could try the grocery store.  Not here.  Not now. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: elysabethe on December 04, 2008, 04:00:31 PM
The license thing brings to mind the time I got my driver's license renewed but the DMV screwed up (because there were two people in that day with the same first name) and they put a fifteen-year-old girl's picture and signature on MY license - so she walked out with a state-issued license to drive that said she was 36 instead of the learner's permit she had come in for.  Blew my lunch hour and then some trying to get THAT snafu straightened out.

-------------------------

Back when I was working retail, a woman tried to return a baby crib mobile to our store.  It was obviously old and was a style that we no longer carried.  She did have a receipt for it though - dated TWO YEARS prior.  We knew there was no way we would take it back, but asked her why she wanted to return it.

"My baby is too old for it now."   :o
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Animala on December 04, 2008, 04:17:35 PM
I used to work at a hardware store which had a generous return policy.  At the end of the season we'd get lawnmowers returned, snow shovels and dead plants (which dies because it was too cold not because there was a problem with the plant).
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Shea on December 04, 2008, 05:46:30 PM

I made someone's day once.  I carded a man buying beer because I honestly couldn't tell how old he was.  He was shorter than me and had a beard.  He was thrilled; he'd just turned 37 and had been feeling very old until I asked for his ID.  The best part, though, was when he went out to his truck.  I saw this through the front door; a friend was waiting in his truck, and apparently he was telling his friend what had just happened, because all of a sudden the friend started laughing.  The man had walked out the door with a big grin on his face, so I'm glad I cheered him up.

I had a patron like that once. We're supposed to card anyone who looks under 30, and I thought this guy could be, so I asked if I could see his ID. He gave a huge grin and said, "You sure can!" and whipped it out of his wallet with a flourish. He turned out to be 41. What can I say, he looked young!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Twik on December 05, 2008, 09:46:47 AM
One St. Patrick's Day my 10 year old cousin joined the rest of the 21+ year old family in a sojourn to a local Irish bar. She borrowed a friend's ID.

Er, I'm really hoping this is a typo for a 20 year old cousin....  ;)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: nutraxfornerves on December 05, 2008, 11:28:39 AM
One St. Patrick's Day my 10 year old cousin joined the rest of the 21+ year old family in a sojourn to a local Irish bar. She borrowed a friend's ID.

Er, I'm really hoping this is a typo for a 20 year old cousin....  ;)
Egad! yes indeed, she was 20.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Thipu1 on December 05, 2008, 01:36:43 PM
I have a good story that an Egyptologist friend named Dan tells.

He had just finished a lecture and was enjoying the reception when he was approached by a woman with a photograph.  She said that she had an Egyptian artifact and wondered if he could tell her what period in Egyptian history it came from.

Dan is a very gentle and obliging sort so he took the photo and gave it a good look.  Whatever the thing was, it certainly wasn't ancient Egyptian.  So he asked her if she was sure.  She was positive that the object was Egyptian. 

Dan couldn't quite buy that and asked her how she knew it was ancient Egyptian.  As it turned out it was an object she had made herself to be ancient Egyptian and she wanted Dan to tell her what period she'd made.  :o



 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Gfived5 on December 05, 2008, 04:14:29 PM
My favorite current patron request is

1.  Do you have Twilight?
-no, not in the Children's Dept, it is not a children's book.  (small vent--it's NOT a book I want to give to 3rd graders)
2. It's out, all 33 copies we own are out, would you like to put a hold on it with the other 7000 people in the library system who are in line?
Why does everyone want it noooooooooooooooooooowwww?  Same reason you do, there's a movie.  And everyone wants to read it.

sorry.  been a long week.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: momof2weenies on December 05, 2008, 04:26:49 PM
One of my favorites from a boss (and I always seem to "adopt" an executive right before they need this):

"I need a meeting with [the 8 highest ranking people in our organization, who are spread across four counties in two states] within the next two weeks, for at least two hours." 

Best when said the first week of December, or at the end of the fiscal year.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: PeterM on December 06, 2008, 12:05:48 PM
My favorite current patron request is

1.  Do you have Twilight?

Ah, Twilight! Yeah, we get that a lot. And we get longing gazes at the copies we have on the Hold shelf, too.

Another annoyance is that Erin Hunter's series about cats is also pretty popular, and it has a book called Twilight, too. Also Eclipse. I guess if you want to use darkness-related terms for titles, there's bound to be some overlap. It's not so much of an issue now that Twilight has really exploded, but for awhile there when someone would come up and ask for Twilight, I'd have to ask, "Cats or vampires?"

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Black Delphinium on December 06, 2008, 12:08:05 PM
My favorite current patron request is

1.  Do you have Twilight?

Ah, Twilight! Yeah, we get that a lot. And we get longing gazes at the copies we have on the Hold shelf, too.

Another annoyance is that Erin Hunter's series about cats is also pretty popular, and it has a book called Twilight, too. Also Eclipse. I guess if you want to use darkness-related terms for titles, there's bound to be some overlap. It's not so much of an issue now that Twilight has really exploded, but for awhile there when someone would come up and ask for Twilight, I'd have to ask, "Cats or vampires?"


DO you maybe have a mix of the two? :D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: VorFemme on December 06, 2008, 12:15:06 PM
Interesting idea for a book - vampire cats............
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Black Delphinium on December 06, 2008, 12:16:19 PM
Interesting idea for a book - vampire cats............
Well, the adventures of a vampire bunny and his friends were very popular when I was young...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: blue2000 on December 06, 2008, 12:17:23 PM
Bunnicula!!!

The evil, fluffy menace!!!




Sorry. Couldn't resist. :P
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: VorFemme on December 06, 2008, 12:21:40 PM
Or maybe vampires whose powers are from the old tales about cats stealing the breath of babies........instead of blood sucking bat vampires.

I remember a series that had an alien that was sort of a heat vampire - but the species had evolved in a much, much hotter environment.............
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Black Delphinium on December 06, 2008, 12:26:36 PM
Or maybe vampires whose powers are from the old tales about cats stealing the breath of babies........instead of blood sucking bat vampires.

I remember a series that had an alien that was sort of a heat vampire - but the species had evolved in a much, much hotter environment.............
Lamia and the Velvets of Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere are kind of like that.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: VorFemme on December 06, 2008, 12:59:04 PM
Firedancer series - I'd have to dig the books out of the back of the closet to tell you the author......
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: MissJezebel on December 06, 2008, 03:59:05 PM
Interesting idea for a book - vampire cats............
Well, the adventures of a vampire bunny and his friends were very popular when I was young...


I just loooved Bunnicula!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: extranormal on December 06, 2008, 04:52:49 PM
Interesting idea for a book - vampire cats............
Well, the adventures of a vampire bunny and his friends were very popular when I was young...


I just loooved Bunnicula!

Have you listened to the Bunnicula audio books? Victor Garber reads them so wonderfully (then again, I love pretty much anything he does).
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: helixa on December 06, 2008, 06:25:12 PM
Firedancer series - I'd have to dig the books out of the back of the closet to tell you the author......
Anne Maxwell? Really wish she'd finished the series, there were 3 books years ago and then it was just left in limbo  :(
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: VorFemme on December 06, 2008, 06:35:17 PM
Yeah - that was the pits, there they are in a really *interesting* dilemma for those from their planet, a decade or two ahead of the expected time frame (based on life span), and with a ship full of aliens (in the sense that most of them are from other planets - not just other countries) to take home (they promised)..........

And the author up and leaves them with so many loose plot threads that it is NOT funny........

At least she didn't keep adding to things like Robert Jordan did on The Wheel of Time.........THAT got to the point that you really did need to review the cast of characters before starting to read the new story......and possibly while reading the new book because they were so danged long........

I can believe the poster earlier who mentioned that a friend worked on the book and the manuscripts were turned in too close to the planned publication date to allow much editing.  Somehow I was thinking that there was not enough editing going on (to remove extraneous characters, so many minor subplots that dragged attention away from the main events, and just too danged LONG - you could hurt yourself trying to carry a couple of those books along on a trip to read - not to mention that the airlines are starting to charge for checked luggage due to the price of fuel having been so high this summer!).

It would be cheaper to buy the danged books where you were going to be traveling and then leave them behind...........unless you have a Kindle from Amazon or download books instead of paper copies....................
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: TychaBrahe on December 07, 2008, 12:02:57 PM
One bar nearby, known for it's impressive selection of on tap beers, would always check ID, take the ID into the back, and return about 5 minutes later, happy. I think they had a wall-of-IDs in the back against which they would check our assorted documentation.

You know, this is a brilliant idea.  Contact all of the DMV's of the various states to get a sample ID.  Something that shows where the photo is placed, where to see a watermark, and so forth.  If the state does something special to identify those too young to drink (one state photographs the bearer in profile) note that.

Print it as a poster and sell it to bars and other places where they check ID's. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: TychaBrahe on December 07, 2008, 12:10:21 PM
You two might want to read Iceworld, about space travelers coming to a much colder planet.  Everything on the planet tends to evaporate in their heat or burst into flames.  Only they are aliens, Iceworld is Earth, and it turns out that tobacco placed in one of their rooms burns of its own accord and is a drug on the order of heroin.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: housewife2k on December 07, 2008, 12:15:23 PM
One bar nearby, known for it's impressive selection of on tap beers, would always check ID, take the ID into the back, and return about 5 minutes later, happy. I think they had a wall-of-IDs in the back against which they would check our assorted documentation.

You know, this is a brilliant idea.  Contact all of the DMV's of the various states to get a sample ID.  Something that shows where the photo is placed, where to see a watermark, and so forth.  If the state does something special to identify those too young to drink (one state photographs the bearer in profile) note that.

Print it as a poster and sell it to bars and other places where they check ID's. 
I know that in MN, they have the Big Book of ID's, it's a big three ring binder, and it has pics of licenses, ID cards, and Permit cards from all 50 states, updated regularly as styles change. It shows what to look for in the line of watermarks, colors, holograms, etc...As well as having a large selection of military ID and passports.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: hot_shaker on December 07, 2008, 01:36:55 PM
One bar nearby, known for it's impressive selection of on tap beers, would always check ID, take the ID into the back, and return about 5 minutes later, happy. I think they had a wall-of-IDs in the back against which they would check our assorted documentation.

You know, this is a brilliant idea.  Contact all of the DMV's of the various states to get a sample ID.  Something that shows where the photo is placed, where to see a watermark, and so forth.  If the state does something special to identify those too young to drink (one state photographs the bearer in profile) note that.

Print it as a poster and sell it to bars and other places where they check ID's. 

The Big Book of IDs almost stopped me from renting a car in Seattle.  At the time I was just shy of 28 however I still had a license with an underage picture.  In Virginia, for a brief while, they would take a profile picture if you were under 21.  I renewed my license online at 25 which meant that it still had my picture from when I was 19 (e.g., profile).  Apparently VA neglected to inform Washington of this and, at 10:30pm after flying almost cross-country, I had to argue with the desk clerk that my license was valid and that I was over 25.  Bah.

I think VA must have gotten rid of that because went I went to renew at age 30 the guy taking the photo made some sort of comment about the picture being unusual.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: A.P. Wulfric on December 07, 2008, 01:56:50 PM
As a teacher, I have quite a few miracles that I am unable to perform.

Day report cards go out: (Grades have closed a week before.)   Kid sees grade.  Wants to do extra credit to raise grade. Nope, sorry. (Keep in mind that I have sent home progress reports and told the kids their grades the day before they close. I have chased them. Offered general credit. Nagged. Nope.)

Day after report cards go out: Repeat above with parents.

And my personal favorite that just happened to another teacher in my building: Kid has missed 15 homeworks.  Never turned them in late or anything. Parent throws fit and wants credit because parent saw child do homework and that should count for something.  Apparently teacher really is Harry Potter who can locate lost objects and grade them.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kherbert05 on December 07, 2008, 07:35:04 PM
As a teacher, I have quite a few miracles that I am unable to perform.

Day report cards go out: (Grades have closed a week before.)   Kid sees grade.  Wants to do extra credit to raise grade. Nope, sorry. (Keep in mind that I have sent home progress reports and told the kids their grades the day before they close. I have chased them. Offered general credit. Nagged. Nope.)

Day after report cards go out: Repeat above with parents.

And my personal favorite that just happened to another teacher in my building: Kid has missed 15 homeworks.  Never turned them in late or anything. Parent throws fit and wants credit because parent saw child do homework and that should count for something.  Apparently teacher really is Harry Potter who can locate lost objects and grade them.

We aren't allowed to give extra credit or make up work to bring up grades. The first year this rule went into effect, I was warned by  4th, 3rd, and 2nd/1st (she looped) teachers that Student X's mom always demanded make up work because Student X never turned in class work. Previous principal had forced them to give him make up work. I let new principal know this might be a problem, and my solution was in addition to having the parents sign off on the hand book, I copied grading policy from the hand book and had the parents sign off on it separately.

Sure enough - 3rd week progress reports go out and mom prances in and demands make up work. It is all my fault because darling baby boy has never had bad grade before. New principal backs me no make up work.

Then she says that Student X turned in the work and I lost it because I'm so disorganized. Now I admit I have a real difficulty organizing physical space. (Files on my computer very organized). So I'm hyper vigilant about student papers.

1. papers taken up and put in a folder
2. Papers clipped to folder
3. Papers graded in folder. (Folder flat on table, grade paper, turn it over grade next)
4. Grade put in electronic grade book from folder (same procedure as above)
5. Papers clipped to folder
6. Folder put in Wednesday folder box to be handed back on Wednesday.
7. Grade book backed up in 3 places every Tuesday (1 HD at home, 1 Flashdrive on key ring, 1 school server)

From the time the kids handed in the paper till I handed them back they did not leave that folder. I couldn't lose 1 student's work every time. Principal backed me up.

Then she complained that I didn't "make"  his classmates "share" their pencils and stuff. Instead I "made" him use the golf pencils I had for kids that forgot their pencils. I had the golf pencils available. Kids were not required to share their supplies. Sometimes they did, if they knew they would get their stuff back. The other kids didn't want to share with him - he put everything in his mouth (this was a 5th grader (10 - 11 yo) not a kinder).
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Miss Vertigo on December 07, 2008, 08:02:49 PM
I don't even mind getting carded for cigerettes or alcohol. It makes me feel young!

The only time I got annoyed for being carded was the year DH sent me out to buy the booze for our New Year's Party.  I was 23, but looked like I was around 16.  When I approached the store, a cop at the front door carded me.  I was fine with that.  Once in the door, I was approached no less than 3 times by both plain clothes and uniformed security requesting my ID.  The store was only around 500 sq. feet!  I was pretty irritated by the last guy because he carded me less than 10 feet from where the previous guy had carded me.  He also asked me for my birthdate, while holding my license, trying to trip me up I guess.  *sigh*

The last time I got refused cigarettes I was well into my twenties. At the time, the legal age for buying cigarettes in the UK was 16 (it's now 18), and I did *not* look under 16. Additionally, the cashier had just seen me drive up and park my car outside the shop; the legal age for driving in the UK is 17 - older than you need to be to buy cigarettes. But I had no ID on me (it's not a legal requirement to carry your driving licence here) and she wouldn't believe I was over sixteen, despite me pointing out the crows feet by my eyes, the car keys in my hand and the car she'd just seen me park outside, so, she refused me, not on the basis that I didn't have ID, but that despite all the evidence to the contrary, she 'didn't believe me'. I think even if I'd produced ID, she wouldn't have believed me. OK, whatever. Her loss - I went next door and gave my custom to them instead. Biggest jobsworth I ever came across.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Minmom3 on December 07, 2008, 09:06:09 PM
Interesting idea for a book - vampire cats............
Well, the adventures of a vampire bunny and his friends were very popular when I was young...

Bunnicula!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FunkyMunky on December 07, 2008, 10:15:43 PM
Interesting idea for a book - vampire cats............
Well, the adventures of a vampire bunny and his friends were very popular when I was young...

Bunnicula!

I've read that..I think.

I searched the thread (with the search function), and couldn't see anyone mentioning the scene in Dexter where the couple want 'a better room', when they're already in the best room. I believe the character's response was along the lines of 'unless you build it yourself, we don't have one, and being a 'female dog' isn't going to help'.

Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: wazzer on December 07, 2008, 10:21:43 PM
Interesting idea for a book - vampire cats............
Well, the adventures of a vampire bunny and his friends were very popular when I was young...

Bunnicula!

I've read that..I think.

I searched the thread (with the search function), and couldn't see anyone mentioning the scene in Dexter where the couple want 'a better room', when they're already in the best room. I believe the character's response was along the lines of 'unless you build it yourself, we don't have one, and being a 'female dog' isn't going to help'.



I remember that!   The character wanted to be able to watch the sun set over the ocean.   But the hotel was on the east coast of Florida, not the west....

but that was fiction, and the real-life stories in this thread are even funnier!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Finduilas on December 07, 2008, 10:51:45 PM
The last time I got refused cigarettes I was well into my twenties. At the time, the legal age for buying cigarettes in the UK was 16 (it's now 18), and I did *not* look under 16. Additionally, the cashier had just seen me drive up and park my car outside the shop; the legal age for driving in the UK is 17 - older than you need to be to buy cigarettes. But I had no ID on me (it's not a legal requirement to carry your driving licence here) and she wouldn't believe I was over sixteen, despite me pointing out the crows feet by my eyes, the car keys in my hand and the car she'd just seen me park outside, so, she refused me, not on the basis that I didn't have ID, but that despite all the evidence to the contrary, she 'didn't believe me'. I think even if I'd produced ID, she wouldn't have believed me. OK, whatever. Her loss - I went next door and gave my custom to them instead. Biggest jobsworth I ever came across.

Did she actually say out loud that she didn't believe that you were over 16 despite all the evidence to the contrary?  If so, she doesn't get a pass, but frequently (in the US at least) the police send in stings of "old-looking" young people to test sellers of age-controlled goods to check for ID.  Perhaps she could have thought you were one of them, if there is such a thing in the UK.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FunkyMunky on December 07, 2008, 10:52:39 PM
I've never understood the phrase "that's unacceptable" coming from an irate customer. 99% of the time, they're going to have to accept it, whether they like it or not.

My friend (a chef), tells a story about a chef/restaurant owner he knows, who had a 'lady' in the dining room kicking up a fuss because they didn't have diet tonic water for her. He went out to speak to her (and was apparently going to send one of the kitchen hands out to buy some), and she berated him loudly, say that it was "disgusting" that they didn't have diet tonic water. He said "No, ma'am, what's happening in Darfur is disgusting. Us not having diet tonic is not even unfortunate."


I think I get at least one impossible request a week when I'm in the pharmacies. Some people just can't grasp the concept of 'discontinued by the manufacturer'.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: hellgirl on December 07, 2008, 10:57:56 PM
Just posting to get the updates  ;D
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FunkyMunky on December 07, 2008, 11:30:02 PM
Ooh, I just keep remembering them. From my service station days:

Customer: I need you to check my bank balance with the EFTPOS.
Me: Um, that's not possible, there's an ATM at the back though.
Customer: That charges me $2.50 to use.
Me: Well, that's between you and your bank. I can't help you.
Customer: I just need you to check my balance.
Me: Look, I can't check your balance. The machinery is not capable of performing this action.
Customer: They do it for me here all the time.
Me: Our machines are not, nor ever have been capable of checking bank balances.
Customer: Why are on here anyway, bi&ch? The normal guy does it all the time.
Me: Well, the 'normal guy' must be making up random numbers, because we just can't check bank balances.
Customer (leaving): F&%k you.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: mapleleaves on December 08, 2008, 05:09:09 AM
I used to work at a mall just off a major highway (the 401 for my fellow Canadians) and all the time people would come running into our store demanding to use our bathroom.  We could never understand why they picked our store, since we were neither the closest store to the entrance nor the closest entrance to the highway, but they did.  One Saturday afternoon a particularly obnoxious mother came into our store dragging her toddler and demanding to use our bathroom right now.  I gave her the usual instructions, go out the door turn right it's right after the seventh store on the right and then down the corridor to your left, then went back to waiting on my customers.

She hit the roof.  She started hollering that I was sooo cruel and that I was violating her son's human rights.  Obnoxious Mom started enlisting nearby customers to aid and abet her demands to use our bathroom.  I started to say it wasn't possible and got cut off by another customer.  OM and the other lady started exchanging stories of all the times they'd been denied access to a store's restroom and oh, wasn't I being so mean for not letting the poor poor child use the bathroom.

Finally I sighed and told OM that she could let her son go pee in our back room.  On one condition.  Only if she took our mop bucket down to the public washroom and rinsed it out.  Oh, and brought it back an hour before the mall closed so I could mop the floor.  THAT finally stopped her.  She finally looked around my tiny little store and realized that we really were too small to have our own bathroom.

I'd like to say she apologized to me for her language or apologized to my customers who had to wait while she had her temper tantrum or even asked for the directions again politely.  She didn't.  She just went to the sports store next door and repeated her temper tantrum.  By the time their manager explained that no, they didn't have a bathroom either it was too late.  They couldn't get the smell of urine out of their carpet and had to replace it.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Shea on December 08, 2008, 03:28:12 PM
I've never understood the phrase "that's unacceptable" coming from an irate customer. 99% of the time, they're going to have to accept it, whether they like it or not.

My friend (a chef), tells a story about a chef/restaurant owner he knows, who had a 'lady' in the dining room kicking up a fuss because they didn't have diet tonic water for her. He went out to speak to her (and was apparently going to send one of the kitchen hands out to buy some), and she berated him loudly, say that it was "disgusting" that they didn't have diet tonic water. He said "No, ma'am, what's happening in Darfur is disgusting. Us not having diet tonic is not even unfortunate."


I had a patron once who informed me, loudly, multiple times, that the fact that we did not sell peanuts was "just wrong". I felt like saying, "Well ma'am, you can call Amnesty International just as soon as the play lets out." ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: little bird on December 08, 2008, 05:44:43 PM
Quote
My friend (a chef), tells a story about a chef/restaurant owner he knows, who had a 'lady' in the dining room kicking up a fuss because they didn't have diet tonic water for her. He went out to speak to her (and was apparently going to send one of the kitchen hands out to buy some), and she berated him loudly, say that it was "disgusting" that they didn't have diet tonic water. He said "No, ma'am, what's happening in Darfur is disgusting. Us not having diet tonic is not even unfortunate."

Nice comeback! 

I had a woman who claimed that I'd "ruined her life" around Christmas last year.  She was coming in to buy one of our biggest gifts of the year (a cardiwrap -- mostly a cardigan but with extra fabric that you could toss over a shoulder or pin up with a brooch).  Of course, she'd waited until they'd gone down to 70% off.  Guess what we didn't have left in stock or in any store in our region?  You'd think that if this was the only thing a family member wanted for Christmas, you wouldn't wait until the last minute!  I wanted to roll my eyes at her and say that she must lead a very charmed, sheltered existence if THIS was the straw that broke the camel's back for her.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: TychaBrahe on December 08, 2008, 06:10:31 PM
I remember that!   The character wanted to be able to watch the sun set over the ocean.   But the hotel was on the east coast of Florida, not the west....

but that was fiction, and the real-life stories in this thread are even funnier!

Somewhere I have a pre-HTML list of travel agent humor.  Including the guy in the hotel in Orlando who called his agent irate because he didn't have an ocean view.  It's The travel agent tried to tell him that there was no way he could see the ocean from his hotel.  He told her not to lie to him; he'd looked on map, and Florida was a very narrow state.

(For non-US people, Florida is about 120 miles across at the latitude of Orlando.  It is a VERY narrow state.  It's still 30 miles from Orlando to the Atlantic.)

That wasn't as funny as the woman who wanted to know how long it took to dive under the Hawaiian Islands (um, they're attached) or the man who wondered if it would be cheaper to fly to California and then take a train to Hawaii.

My absolute favorite, though, is the woman who called up to make reservations to go to Capetown.  The agent starting talking about travel times and inoculations and visas.  Finally the woman said, "I don't want to make you feel stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts."  The agent took a deep breath before replying, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts.  Capetown is in South Africa."  The woman hung up.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: klm75 on December 08, 2008, 06:23:06 PM
I remember that!   The character wanted to be able to watch the sun set over the ocean.   But the hotel was on the east coast of Florida, not the west....

but that was fiction, and the real-life stories in this thread are even funnier!

Somewhere I have a pre-HTML list of travel agent humor.  Including the guy in the hotel in Orlando who called his agent irate because he didn't have an ocean view.  It's The travel agent tried to tell him that there was no way he could see the ocean from his hotel.  He told her not to lie to him; he'd looked on map, and Florida was a very narrow state.

(For non-US people, Florida is about 120 miles across at the latitude of Orlando.  It is a VERY narrow state.  It's still 30 miles from Orlando to the Atlantic.)

That wasn't as funny as the woman who wanted to know how long it took to dive under the Hawaiian Islands (um, they're attached) or the man who wondered if it would be cheaper to fly to California and then take a train to Hawaii.

My absolute favorite, though, is the woman who called up to make reservations to go to Capetown.  The agent starting talking about travel times and inoculations and visas.  Finally the woman said, "I don't want to make you feel stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts."  The agent took a deep breath before replying, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts.  Capetown is in South Africa."  The woman hung up.

I heard one today about a group of people who were crossing the boarder from Washington State into British Columbia.  When asked what their plans were they said that they wanted to spend the day in Alaska.  They were told that it was atleast a two day drive to Alaska, not sure what they decided after that...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Psykogrl on December 08, 2008, 06:29:02 PM
My personal favorite is when customers want an item that we don't have that way... I'll explain...

The stuffed mushrooms we make at work have bacon... a piece on top as well as mixed into the stuffing. It's the only way we make them, unless they are ordered for a banquet in advance and ask for them without any bacon... then we would make a special batch of stuffing..

But I'm just talking about people who come into the restaurant and want them without bacon. So the waitress rings them in "No Bacon" and I have to call them into the kitchen and explain for the umpteenth time " there is bacon in the stuffing, did you explain that to them?" and i get the blank stare and "Let me go check...." which nearly 95% of the time results in them ordering a different item  ::)

mind you, all but 2 of the waitresses we currently have have been with us since before I started there, which was about 6 1/3rd years ago  ::)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: mapleleaves on December 08, 2008, 06:40:27 PM
Quote
I had a woman who claimed that I'd "ruined her life" around Christmas last year.  She was coming in to buy one of our biggest gifts of the year (a cardiwrap -- mostly a cardigan but with extra fabric that you could toss over a shoulder or pin up with a brooch).  Of course, she'd waited until they'd gone down to 70% off.  Guess what we didn't have left in stock or in any store in our region?  You'd think that if this was the only thing a family member wanted for Christmas, you wouldn't wait until the last minute!  I wanted to roll my eyes at her and say that she must lead a very charmed, sheltered existence if THIS was the straw that broke the camel's back for her.

That brings back memories.  I worked at Toys R Us the year Tickle Me Elmo was the hottest toy of the year.  We sold truckload after truckload of those annoying things.  We couldn't keep them in stock.  By December 22, the only ones we had left were half a dozen that hadn't been picked up yet.  A customer came up to one of my co-workers and demanded to be shown to the Tickle Me Elmo aisle.  Beth told her we had none left.  She stomped, she shouted, she offered Beth a $20 to get her one from our back room.  Beth repeated that we had none left.  The lady went all over the store looking for a hidden stash of the little red menaces until she reached the cash registers.  She spotted the ones on hold and screamed at Beth for lying to her.  Beth refused all bribes to give the woman one of the Elmoes.  Customer tries to bribe me, the head cashier, the shopping cart jockey and finally a department manager.  We all refused to cheat the other customers out of their Elmoes.  She screamed at Beth "I hope you're happy, you've ruined my child's Christmas!"

The woman came back the next day and demanded to be given one of the held Elmoes since "nobody had picked them up anyway".  The store manager pointed to our empty Holds shelf and told her they'd all been picked up the night before.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: kareng57 on December 08, 2008, 06:46:10 PM
I remember that!   The character wanted to be able to watch the sun set over the ocean.   But the hotel was on the east coast of Florida, not the west....

but that was fiction, and the real-life stories in this thread are even funnier!

Somewhere I have a pre-HTML list of travel agent humor.  Including the guy in the hotel in Orlando who called his agent irate because he didn't have an ocean view.  It's The travel agent tried to tell him that there was no way he could see the ocean from his hotel.  He told her not to lie to him; he'd looked on map, and Florida was a very narrow state.

(For non-US people, Florida is about 120 miles across at the latitude of Orlando.  It is a VERY narrow state.  It's still 30 miles from Orlando to the Atlantic.)

That wasn't as funny as the woman who wanted to know how long it took to dive under the Hawaiian Islands (um, they're attached) or the man who wondered if it would be cheaper to fly to California and then take a train to Hawaii.

My absolute favorite, though, is the woman who called up to make reservations to go to Capetown.  The agent starting talking about travel times and inoculations and visas.  Finally the woman said, "I don't want to make you feel stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts."  The agent took a deep breath before replying, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts.  Capetown is in South Africa."  The woman hung up.

For the third paragraph - at least the mis-communication was found before it went any further.  In the past few years, there have been two instances of people thinking they were bound for Australia's Sydney, and ended up in Canada's Sydney (and just to complicate things more, Canada also has a Sidney).  As weird as this seems - in Canada it would show as "Sydney NS" and for Australia it would be "Sydney NSW" - so anything is possible.  I do remember that in one instance, the couple changed planes in Halifax NS (no big surprise) but were kind of surprised about the small plane that would then take them to Australia.  But they boarded anyway - and when the plane landed a half-hour later they were pretty sure it wasn't Australia.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Snowy Owl on December 08, 2008, 07:13:03 PM
I remember the news report about the couple who went to the wrong Sydney. 

The closest I ever came to that was when I was flying back from Paris and the travel agent tried to sell me a flight to Birmingham (Alabama) rather than Birmingham (UK). Air France at the time ran flights to both airports.   It took me five minutes to convince him that he needed to change the airport code to the correct one for the UK airport. I'd have thought that the difference in flight times would clue him in but apparently not. 
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Tabris on December 08, 2008, 07:44:10 PM
I do know someone who went to the Manchester NH airport to pick up someone flying in for business, only he'd been sent to Manchester, England.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Twik on December 08, 2008, 09:45:13 PM
I once asked a travel agent for a ticket to Charlottetown, PEI, and only realized when the hard copy ticket arrived (this was in the dark ages before e-tickets) that she had booked me for a Christmas in Charlotte, NC.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Veronica on December 08, 2008, 09:48:27 PM
I once asked a travel agent for a ticket to Charlottetown, PEI, and only realized when the hard copy ticket arrived (this was in the dark ages before e-tickets) that she had booked me for a Christmas in Charlotte, NC.

You would have been more than welcome at our house Twik.   ;)
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: artk2002 on December 09, 2008, 12:12:43 AM
I've never understood the phrase "that's unacceptable" coming from an irate customer. 99% of the time, they're going to have to accept it, whether they like it or not.

My friend (a chef), tells a story about a chef/restaurant owner he knows, who had a 'lady' in the dining room kicking up a fuss because they didn't have diet tonic water for her. He went out to speak to her (and was apparently going to send one of the kitchen hands out to buy some), and she berated him loudly, say that it was "disgusting" that they didn't have diet tonic water. He said "No, ma'am, what's happening in Darfur is disgusting. Us not having diet tonic is not even unfortunate."


I think I get at least one impossible request a week when I'm in the pharmacies. Some people just can't grasp the concept of 'discontinued by the manufacturer'.

As far as I know, tonic water contains absolutely no calories whatsoever.  What would "diet" tonic water be?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Kaylee on December 09, 2008, 12:27:06 AM
As far as I know, tonic water contains absolutely no calories whatsoever.  What would "diet" tonic water be?

Tonic water as marketed is actually slightly sweetened, so the sugars contain a few calories.  A quick glance at the back of a bottle says regular tonic water has about 10 calories an ounce.  (Mine is Schweppes.  Canada Dry's mileage may vary.   ;))

I've never purchased diet tonic water, but I'd imagine they replace the sugar with artificial sweetener for 0 calories.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: vTenebrae on December 09, 2008, 12:51:51 AM
Cause those 10 calories are going to make or break your diet...
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: FunkyMunky on December 09, 2008, 01:10:01 AM
In California, by law, most passports are not acceptable as ID for buying alcohol. The law says that the ID must be a government-issued photo ID and contain a "physical description" (hieght, weight, eye color, etc.) Most passports don't have that information.

Interesting, looks like I can never drink in California.

When I was at the service station, I had a very irate customer who wanted to hire one of our box trailers. I asked for his licence (as I had to put down the number on the rental form). He produced an Irish passport.
"Uh, sir, this is a passport."
"Yes, and?"
"I need a driving licence number." He produced a driving licence (think it was EU, can't remember).
"I'm sorry sir, we need either a Victorian licence or an International Driver's Licence to loan a trailer, do you have either?"
"You're discriminating against me!"
"..."
"I can't get a Victorian licence, because I haven't been here two years. You and your stupid government are all racists!"
"Sir, I assure you, I'm only adhering to policy."
"Where is this supposed policy?"
*points at it*
"That's a totally racist policy, and I am going to sue this business for discrimination." *storms out*.

Since he wasn't legally allowed to drive in the state, I wasn't legally allowed to rent him a vehicle. How hard is that to grasp?
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Lauren on December 09, 2008, 03:47:25 AM
Quote
I once asked a travel agent for a ticket to Charlottetown, PEI,

Wait, Charlottetown is REAL? I LOVED Anne of Green Gables growing up and hadn't realised PEI was real, but I thought everything else was made up!

I had a customer call me today. We'd replaced some glass on Saturday as a friend had broken it. We charged him $100. He called and asked if we could change it to $200 because a friend was paying for it and someone else had told him that we would do that. Yeah, I'm going to lose my job because YOU would got an extra $100!
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: soetkin on December 09, 2008, 03:55:41 AM
Me: I'm sorry, Ma'am but it seems that your credit card application was refused for *policy reasons*
Crazy Lady: This is an outrage! Why would you refuse me! I'm rich!! etc etc etc
Me: *patiently explains policies + solutions*
Crazy lady: This is unacceptable! You're only refusing me because I'm from *certain country*! You're violating my rights as a HUMAN BEING!
Me: ...??? *attempts explantion of conditions*
Crazy Lady: YOU WILL APPROVE MY APPLICATION!!!! I WILL SUE YOU! I'LL DRAG YOUR COMPANY BEFORE THE EUROPEAN COURT OF HUMAN RIGHTS!! YOU'RE DENYING ME MY FUNDAMENTAL RIGHTS!!!!
Me: *what the -swear word-* Ehm....I don't think the Court of Hu..
Crazy Lady: AND I HAVE TAPED THE ENTIRE CONVERSATION, SOETKIN, YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYERS!! I'LL SUE YOU PERSONALLY!!!! *click*
Me: ........???!!!*howls of laughter*

I'm sure she thought it was her fundamental right as a human being to get into credit card debt, unfortunately my company prefers customers who are able to pay their bills.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: blarg314 on December 09, 2008, 04:10:53 AM
As far as I know, tonic water contains absolutely no calories whatsoever.  What would "diet" tonic water be?

Tonic water as marketed is actually slightly sweetened, so the sugars contain a few calories.  A quick glance at the back of a bottle says regular tonic water has about 10 calories an ounce.  (Mine is Schweppes.  Canada Dry's mileage may vary.   ;))

I've never purchased diet tonic water, but I'd imagine they replace the sugar with artificial sweetener for 0 calories.


But that's 10 calories / ounce x 16 ounces for a bottle = 160 calories - about the same as cola.  Soda water, on the other hand, is sugar free carbonated water.


Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: nrb80 on December 09, 2008, 05:41:38 AM
The calories aren't the only reason to go sugarfree.  Diabetics usually can't do any sugar.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: vTenebrae on December 09, 2008, 05:47:56 AM
The calories aren't the only reason to go sugarfree.  Diabetics usually can't do any sugar.
Eh, not entirely true.  I can do.. in small doses without my glucose levels going wacky crackers, but simple carbs will send my sugars into the stratosphere..
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: nrb80 on December 09, 2008, 05:53:26 AM
Depends on the diabetic and whether they are type 1 or type 2.  Most diabetics I know are type 1, and they avoid sugar like poison.  I do know one type 2 diabetic,  who schedules her sugary foods.
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: vTenebrae on December 09, 2008, 05:58:41 AM
Makes sense :D  I'm not Type 1.

Even then, though.. I'd rather have a piece of chocolate than waste my sugar fix on soda :>
Title: Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
Post by: Amyw on December 09, 2008, 06:09:24 AM

For the third paragraph - at least the mis-communication was found before it went any further.  In the past few years, there have been two instances of people thinking they were bound for Australia's Sydney, and ended up in Canada's Sydney (and just to complicate things more, Canada also has a Sidney).  As weird as this seems - in Canada it would show as "Sydney NS" and for Australia it would be "Sydney NSW" - so anything is possible.  I do remember that in one instance, the couple changed planes in Halifax NS (no big surprise) but were kind of surprised about the small plane that would then take them to Australia.  But they boarded anyway - and when the plane landed a half-hour later they were pretty sure it wasn't Australia.

When I was recently booking my flights to go to Sydney, Australia, my roommate showed me a different travel website, one that he said gets the best d