Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Etiquette Hell Classics => Topic started by: Asharah on April 04, 2007, 11:36:30 PM

Title: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Asharah on April 04, 2007, 11:36:30 PM
A good friend of mine was married recently, and I was one of five bridesmaids. Before she left for her honeymoon, the bride told us that she would like to take us all out for dinner to thank us for our support and friendship over the years.

She had booked a private room at a nice restaurant. When we sat down, the bride passed each of us a box. Each contained a fountain pen, a stack of blank cards, and a list of 70 guests, their addresses, and the gifts they had given the bride. Before we could eat, she wanted us to write her thank-you notes for her.

I thought for a moment, then said that perhaps the guests would be happier with a simple personal message from her, even if it were just something along the lines of, "Dear ___, Thank you so much for the ____. It means a lot to us that you thought of us. Love, Bride and Groom." She reassured us that she was personally writing the notes for those guests who would recognize her handwriting!

I think that all the bridesmaids were stunned, but nobody wanted to make a scene. We wrote, addressed, stamped, and sealed in grim silence for almost two hours before we could order dinner. As far as I know, none of us has spent much time with her since then.

FauxPasoftheYear0426-05

One thing that has begun to annoy readers of this web site is how frequently people display their complete lack of a backbone which results in them being used abominably by the ever increasingly dark side of manners.  Let's get one thing straight - the "scene" was already created/made by the bride and a reaction to her outrageous presumption would not be "making a scene" unless you flung the fountain pen across the room to embed it into a painting of the Marquis De Sade or flipped the box of notes in the air creating a stationery snowfall. 

No, it is quite possible to decline this lovely honor without making an idiot of yourself.  Here is one scenario of how it could be done:

Bridesmaid:  sits blinking at the contents of the box then gently pushes it away from her place setting saying with a sweet smile, "Thank you but I think I will decline the honor of writing these."

Bride:  "Why not?  Aren't you going to help me?"

Bridemaid:  "It is neither my duty nor obligation to express your personal thoughts of gratitude for the gifts your guests gave you."  Still smiling sweetly....

Bride:  "But there are so many! How am I supposed to do all these myself?"

Bridesmaid:  "One at a time is the usual method."    Bridesmaid then makes a mental note in her head to never host any type of shower for this person again and seriously considers never buying her a gift again.  After all, it would be very unkind to burden the bride with such an onerous duty to write her thank you notes.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Reika on April 05, 2007, 12:24:24 AM
I agree, the mind boggles at what some people manage to pull off because their "victims" just go along with it. Truthfully if I'd been in that situation my response probably would've earned me a place in Ehell.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: retreadbride on April 05, 2007, 09:40:00 AM
Sorry, I just had my nails done.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: twinkletoes on April 05, 2007, 09:48:16 AM
Asharah, I agree that just saying "no" does not equate to making a scene.  It is quite possible to gently push the box away, stand up, and say "sorry, I'm not doing this."

But I can see where these sort of things happen - people don't want to say no (eg, "How can I say no to my best friend of 10 years?"), or they're afraid they'll be seen as a "mean" person.  And sometimes, the rudeness is just so incredibly shocking, that people just go along with it because they're literally stunned over the whole thing.  On this forum, it's so common for someone to say "I wish I had been thinking - I would have told (rude person) to get bent."  Yes, people need to grow a spine (spines?), but I can also see where they just go along with the rudeness.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Daquiri40 on April 05, 2007, 11:44:38 AM
I agree.  Sometimes your spine is stunned into silence.  It is more difficult to say NO when the rest of the bridesmaids said yes. 

I love this post though.  It always makes me chuckle.  The bride had some nerve and you can bet she saw absolutely nothing wrong with what she was asking.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Pixie on April 05, 2007, 11:51:39 AM
"Hand over the gifts, then I'll write the Thank-Yous."   

I do NOT thank people for gifts not given to me.

No, I am not sorry for that.

(http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i212/Pixie-Face/MORE%20SNAGS/1BabyLion.gif)     (http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i212/Pixie-Face/MORE%20SNAGS/simba2.gif)


.

Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Evil Duckie on April 05, 2007, 11:54:19 AM
I know that if this happened to me I would have either been sent to ehell for my response or stunned into silence by her gall.

This makes you wonder what other jobs she had for her slaves bridesmaids.  >:D
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on April 05, 2007, 12:06:07 PM
And sometimes, the rudeness is just so incredibly shocking, that people just go along with it because they're literally stunned over the whole thing.  On this forum, it's so common for someone to say "I wish I had been thinking - I would have told (rude person) to get bent."  Yes, people need to grow a spine (spines?), but I can also see where they just go along with the rudeness.

That often happens to me - I'm just so stunned that my brain shorts out and I can't form the Assertive, e-h3ll-worthy response. Usually I just cave because my brain is still going, "Wha...?"

Usually, if given time to think before formulating a response to something ridiculous and not sandbagged, I will have time to forumlate my own negative response in such a way that it's not rude or whatever... but not the teachers at my school. They are a freaking Milgram Experiment. I have never seen a bunch of people cave to "authority" like that in my life. They will cave right away because they don't want to be seen as standing out or disagreeing. "We're going to a spa for our staff function! It will cost $$$ but it's lovely." I'm the only one who says, "I think that's a waste of money. Why not save the money for decorating the staffroom/buying some decent bathroom fixtures/whatever and just go out to a nice restaurant?" The rest of them? "Okay." ARGH!

It really chaps my hide because then I look like the dissenter - meanwhile, they will all complain about it behind the boss's back, but will smile and agree to her face. Even a close colleague does this. The last day of the term we were talking about going to the stupid spa *again* this year (I didn't like it; I got a terrible headache after the back massage) and she said, "I'd rather they gave me the 500 bucks and just took us out for lunch." (She's a single parent with a deadbeat arsehole for an ex-husband, so to waste 500 bucks on something "frivolous" is hard for her.)

Anyway, just then the organiser came past and said, "Sell lots of stuff at your stall so we can go for the whole day this time!" I said, "I don't really want to go there again; I didn't enjoy it much." She said, "But if we go for the whole day we can get a HEAD massage! And a facial scrub!" I said, "I don't want a head massage, and no one is touching my face." So she turns to my colleague and says, "But you enjoyed it, didn't you?" (Remember, this woman was JUST complaining about not wanting to go!) And my colleague says, "Yes, I enjoyed myself." I was ready to STRANGLE her!

Sorry, this turned into a rant. Oh well, it felt good to get it off my chest.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Bob Ducca on April 05, 2007, 12:17:47 PM
What I especially love about this story is how the bride tells the bridesmaids they can eat after they are done with the thank-you notes.  I have to wonder if she had the foresight to book the private room for four hours, knowing she was asking each 'maid to write 70 notes.

Clearly, the bride knew she was being a manipulative witch, or else she would have asked them straight out, not attempted to use hospitality to hold them hostage.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Sibby on April 05, 2007, 12:29:13 PM
Honestly the very first thing I wouuld have asked was "where is hte groom and his groomsmen?"  Of course I think the whole situation is obnoxious, but I think my first reaction would be hte feminist in me...

it is sometimes hard to say "no" when faced with a group situation like that, and honestly evenif saying "no" isn't "causing a scene" technically, in reality it is seen that way.

I was involved in a wedding as a bridesmaid.  The MOH announced via email to the WP and the MOB that guests would be addressing their own thank you envelopes the shower.  I replied all stating that I felt this was rude beyond compariosn an very tacky and I thought the bride would be mortified and the guests would be insulted.  I was not rude in my email, just matter of fact.  I was 'punished' by the WP (among other things not only was I not sent an invite to the shower, but when I asked for the verbiage of the invite to be emailed to me (people were asking me questions) I was refused repeatedly and in a very, very nasty manner) and I was called a troublemaker, etc.  so even if officially it's not rude to say no, othen if is received that way and the person who says no feels the reprecussions, not the asker.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Asharah on April 05, 2007, 12:36:02 PM
Asharah, I agree that just saying "no" does not equate to making a scene.  It is quite possible to gently push the box away, stand up, and say "sorry, I'm not doing this."

Just to clarify, the comment attached to the post is from the website, not me. However I do agree with it. I think they should have just politely refused and left. And I liked the part about not ever giving her another gift so she wouldn't be burdened with writing a thank you note.  ;D
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: twinkletoes on April 05, 2007, 12:45:37 PM
"it is sometimes hard to say "no" when faced with a group situation like that, and honestly evenif saying "no" isn't "causing a scene" technically, in reality it is seen that way."

Agreed.  And there are people who are twisted enough who would whisper and say "can you believe (letter-writer)?  She told (Bride) that she wouldn't write thank you notes for her!  And all right before (bride) was going to treat us to a nice dinner!  How ungrateful can you be?"
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: kingsrings on April 05, 2007, 12:46:48 PM
It seems that in today's society, we are encouraged to just take things as they are and to let people walk all over us. Standing up for oneself is looked at as a no-no. Don't cause trouble, don't make waves. Just do it, and let it go. That is why situations like the one in this thread happen.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: megswsu on April 05, 2007, 01:48:14 PM
I wonder if the bride made her BMs greet all her guests too? Afterall, all that walking around in one's gown can really tire you out!!  >:D
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: snowball's chance on April 05, 2007, 02:16:37 PM
Yes, these BMs ARE held hostage -- no food til you're done w/ my homework, basically.  You might have to give in . . . what if everyone else at the table is totally willing to do it?  Is it ok to be only one refusing?  What if you drove w/ someone else, and don't have $$$ for a cab, and there's no bus . . .
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Bob Ducca on April 05, 2007, 02:19:02 PM
I wonder if the bride made her BMs greet all her guests too? Afterall, all that walking around in one's gown can really tire you out!!  >:D

Heck, I'll bet the MOH had to go on the honeymoon for her- you know how exhausting those can be.   >:D >:D
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: couchpotato on April 05, 2007, 03:55:04 PM
When I originally read that submission, my first thought was how could the bridesmaid write polite thank yous that made the bride and groom look like a pair of donkeys? I really wish some of the forced note writers had written notes like:

Dear Aunt So-and-so,

Bride & groom wanted to thank you for the lovely crystal bowl you gave them for their wedding. They will think of you whenever they look at it.

Sincerely, bridesmaid


That kind of thank you would be polite but there would be no mistaking who wrote it. Could you imagine all the messages the happy couple would on their answering machine when they got home from their honeymoon? Especially if all the bridesmaids followed suit. 
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: snowball's chance on April 05, 2007, 03:58:18 PM
When I originally read that submission, my first thought was how could the bridesmaid write polite thank yous that made the bride and groom look like a pair of donkeys? I really wish some of the forced note writers had written notes like:

Dear Aunt So-and-so,

Bride & groom wanted to thank you for the lovely crystal bowl you gave them for their wedding. They will think of you whenever they look at it.

Sincerely, bridesmaid


That kind of thank you would be polite but there would be no mistaking who wrote it. Could you imagine all the messages the happy couple would on their answering machine when they got home from their honeymoon? Especially if all the bridesmaids followed suit. 

ooh . . . I love that!!!  >:D
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: twinkletoes on April 05, 2007, 04:05:46 PM
When I originally read that submission, my first thought was how could the bridesmaid write polite thank yous that made the bride and groom look like a pair of donkeys? I really wish some of the forced note writers had written notes like:

Dear Aunt So-and-so,

Bride & groom wanted to thank you for the lovely crystal bowl you gave them for their wedding. They will think of you whenever they look at it.

Sincerely, bridesmaid


That kind of thank you would be polite but there would be no mistaking who wrote it. Could you imagine all the messages the happy couple would on their answering machine when they got home from their honeymoon? Especially if all the bridesmaids followed suit. 

Mwuahahaaha!  Love it!
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Twik on April 05, 2007, 04:11:36 PM
Or, you could totally wreck the bride's social life, thus:

Dear Uncle Floyd:

Thanks for the $100. I suppose we can put it to good use. I thought, though, that you were the RICH uncle. Uncle Philbinn on MY side gave us significantly more.

Love, Bride.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: snowball's chance on April 05, 2007, 04:15:34 PM
Or, you could totally wreck the bride's social life, thus:

Dear Uncle Floyd:

Thanks for the $100. I suppose we can put it to good use. by puuting it towards my bail in my upcoming theft caseI thought, though, that you were the RICH uncle. Uncle Philbinn on MY side gave us significantly more.

Love, Bride.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Asharah on April 06, 2007, 12:26:50 AM
Yes, these BMs ARE held hostage -- no food til you're done w/ my homework, basically.  You might have to give in . . . what if everyone else at the table is totally willing to do it?  Is it ok to be only one refusing?  What if you drove w/ someone else, and don't have $$$ for a cab, and there's no bus . . .
Although, if one person refuses, maybe it might inspire the rest to follow suit. One can always hope.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: supernova on April 06, 2007, 12:32:14 AM
Dear Aunt So-and-so,

Bride & groom wanted to thank you for the lovely crystal bowl you gave them for their wedding. They will think of you whenever they look at it.

Sincerely, bridesmaid



Or, you could totally wreck the bride's social life, thus:

Dear Uncle Floyd:

Thanks for the $100. I suppose we can put it to good use. I thought, though, that you were the RICH uncle. Uncle Philbinn on MY side gave us significantly more.

Love, Bride.

Good saphie is appalled.

Evil saphie wants to buy all of you a drink...   >:D
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Buffy2424 on April 06, 2007, 02:14:44 PM
She could have thanked the bride for her generosity.  Wow, giving me all your shower gifts?

Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Cellardoor14 on April 06, 2007, 02:56:56 PM

I was going to post that the 'maids should have just been snarky.

But I see I am too late.   Oh well, maybe next time.

To be honest-

I really don't believe this story because it would be way too easy for one disgruntled slave bridesmaid to do some serious reputation damage.

Did the bride double check the notes before they went into the envelope or something?

Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Sibby on April 06, 2007, 03:02:51 PM
I wonder if the bride made her BMs greet all her guests too? Afterall, all that walking around in one's gown can really tire you out!!  >:D

No one ever made me do it, but I must say when I was MOH I made a point of greeting or chatting with every single guest (about 100).  When I was a bridesmaid, it was a larger wedding (about 250), but I tried my best to meet & greet all.  Altho never specified as one of the BM 'duties' I personally felt as a wedding party member it was the right thing to do.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: ShadesOfGrey on April 06, 2007, 03:17:37 PM
Asharah, I agree that just saying "no" does not equate to making a scene.  It is quite possible to gently push the box away, stand up, and say "sorry, I'm not doing this."

But I can see where these sort of things happen - people don't want to say no (eg, "How can I say no to my best friend of 10 years?"), or they're afraid they'll be seen as a "mean" person.  And sometimes, the rudeness is just so incredibly shocking, that people just go along with it because they're literally stunned over the whole thing.  On this forum, it's so common for someone to say "I wish I had been thinking - I would have told (rude person) to get bent."  Yes, people need to grow a spine (spines?), but I can also see where they just go along with the rudeness.

I can see your point twinkletoes, but in this instance, the BM's had two hours to stand up for themselves - it wasnt an instantaneous thing.  Moreover, if one does not stand up for themselves, or isnt looking for advice on how not to let it happen again, imo, one loses the ability to complain about the situation, because it then becomes their choice to be complicit in whatever situation they find themselves in.  I dont mean to be mean about that, and I fully recognize that the submission site is for the sole purpose of complaining about it after the fact, but in principle, I just dont have sympathy for those (myself included) who arent able willing to stand up for themselves when they are clearly being taken advantage of.  Shyness, or non-confrontationalness, is totally understandable, but again, I just cant be sympathetic to someone that says "I could never stand up to her, can you imagine what the response would be??" but I can be sympathetic toward someone that says "I am so shy, and afraid of the response if I stand up to her, but I dont want to be taken advantage of like that again.  What do I say next time that is non-confrontational, but gets me out of the situation quickly?" I hope that makes sense. 

I myself have a problem thinking quickly, and so when I go into a situation where I might be put on the spot I try to put up my guard, and I always take my time responding, even if I have to change my mind during the course of the conversation (for a real or imagined reason).  Then, when I do get taken advantage of, I replay the situation in my mind, imagining better responses, and resolve not to do it again.  Inevitably it happens again though!  :(

Anyway, it's just my opinion, and probably not worth very much...
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Georgie on October 22, 2007, 12:45:42 AM
Why would you want to turn down Bride's fun offer?  The 70 thank you notes would go by awfully quickly, since you wouldn't have to concern yourself with spelling, punctuation, accuracy..you know..all the little things that typically
slow a writer down.

 
   Dear Ant May,
    Thanks for the kettle.  Where's the rest of my gift?
   Bride
 
  Dear Fred and MaryJeanJane
   Thanks for the toaster.  I love toast I eat it for breakfast everyday.I like to putraspberry jam on it but the seeds get stuck on my teeth so I usualyy put pair jam on it.
Bride


THANKs
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Shortcake on October 22, 2007, 10:05:13 AM
georgie, Now that would be fun!  >:D
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Asharah on October 28, 2011, 04:02:36 PM
Just for the record, anybody who asked me to write thank you notes for them would regret it. My penmanship is atrocious. I'd call it chicken scratch, but the chicken would do it better. My doctor has more legible handwriting.  ;D
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Mental Magpie on October 28, 2011, 08:35:43 PM
Just for the record, anybody who asked me to write thank you notes for them would regret it. My penmanship is atrocious. I'd call it chicken scratch, but the chicken would do it better. My doctor has more legible handwriting.  ;D

My mother, a doctor, has superb handwriting.  When people knew that one of my parent's was a doctor, they always assumed it was my dad because his penmanship was awful (as is mine.)
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: gramma dishes on October 28, 2011, 08:58:54 PM


 
   Dear Ant May,
    Thanks for the kettle.  Where's the rest of my gift?
   Bride
 
  Dear Fred and MaryJeanJane
   Thanks for the toaster.  I love toast I eat it for breakfast everyday.I like to putraspberry jam on it but the seeds get stuck on my teeth so I usualyy put pair jam on it.
Bride


THANKs

 ;D ;D ;D  LOVE this!
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: jazzbeat on November 22, 2011, 12:28:59 AM
Unbelievable.  I'd like to hear one of the bridesmaids say, "You are giving us your gifts?  How generous of you!"
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Portugal79 on December 09, 2011, 04:10:41 AM
i am really lucky in the respects that i have dyspraxia so my handwriting, for want of a better word is under developed! People who have asked me to write things for them, soon relaise it's not the best thing to ask me. Mwahhhhhhhhhhhh
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Thipu1 on April 15, 2012, 03:59:55 PM
Something that hasn't been addressed here is this.

If the Bride had the time to assemble the papers, pens and  lists of the gifts that should be acknowledged, if she had the time to provide the names and addresses of those who should receive TYs to her Bridesmaids, she had the time to write the ding-dangety things herself. 

I did help out with TYs when FIL died.  MIL wrote the notes.  I addressed them, put the postage on the envelopes and mailed them.  To me, this was a reasonable way to handle the situation.   

What the OP relates is not reasonable at all. Bridal attendants came for a lovely meal and found a box at their places.  They think it may be a gift.  Instead,  it becomes something out of a Dickensean novel. 

'When you have finished writing your 70 TYs to my satisfaction, you may begin to think about ordering something to eat'.

 Given the story, I wouldn't be surprised if the Bride didn't strongly suggest burgers and fries all
around. While she enjoyed filet mignon. 




Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Mental Magpie on April 15, 2012, 07:23:28 PM
Something that hasn't been addressed here is this.

If the Bride had the time to assemble the papers, pens and  lists of the gifts that should be acknowledged, if she had the time to provide the names and addresses of those who should receive TYs to her Bridesmaids, she had the time to write the ding-dangety things herself. 

I did help out with TYs when FIL died.  MIL wrote the notes.  I addressed them, put the postage on the envelopes and mailed them.  To me, this was a reasonable way to handle the situation.   

What the OP relates is not reasonable at all. Bridal attendants came for a lovely meal and found a box at their places.  They think it may be a gift.  Instead,  it becomes something out of a Dickensean novel. 

'When you have finished writing your 70 TYs to my satisfaction, you may begin to think about ordering something to eat'.

 Given the story, I wouldn't be surprised if the Bride didn't strongly suggest burgers and fries all
around. While she enjoyed filet mignon.

I also think the joy of a wedding isn't as crippling as the pain of a loss...thank you for helping your MIL.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Thipu1 on April 16, 2012, 10:04:00 AM
Helping MIL with her TYs wasn't a chore.  It may sound odd to say it but we had fun. 

As Mom wrote the notes she would reminisce about relationships these people had with FIL.  I learned a lot about family and friends of the family that I didn't know before. 

We'd take breaks from the writing to make a pot of tea and MIL pulled out some photo albums so I could see these people I had never met.  She told anecdotes and we laughed. 

It was a sad time but it was also a warm time. 
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: DottyG on April 16, 2012, 10:50:06 AM
Quote
As Mom wrote the notes she would reminisce about relationships these people had with FIL.  I learned a lot about family and friends of the family that I didn't know before. 

We'd take breaks from the writing to make a pot of tea and MIL pulled out some photo albums so I could see these people I had never met.  She told anecdotes and we laughed. 

It was a sad time but it was also a warm time.

I like this story.  It sounds like a nice time remembering people.

Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Mental Magpie on April 16, 2012, 01:19:03 PM
Quote
As Mom wrote the notes she would reminisce about relationships these people had with FIL.  I learned a lot about family and friends of the family that I didn't know before. 

We'd take breaks from the writing to make a pot of tea and MIL pulled out some photo albums so I could see these people I had never met.  She told anecdotes and we laughed. 

It was a sad time but it was also a warm time.

I like this story.  It sounds like a nice time remembering people.

I agree on both points, DottyG.
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Daquiri40 on April 20, 2012, 09:09:53 AM
I think, like the OP, I'd have been flabbergasted.  When I am flabbergasted, I am not thinking straight.  Sweet monkey fritters!, would be my most immediate response which is not E-hell approved.

I just don't know what I would have said.....
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: WillyNilly on April 23, 2012, 12:07:42 PM
Something that hasn't been addressed here is this.

If the Bride had the time to assemble the papers, pens and  lists of the gifts that should be acknowledged, if she had the time to provide the names and addresses of those who should receive TYs to her Bridesmaids, she had the time to write the ding-dangety things herself. 


I don't think this can be said without info we don't have. I'm currently planning my wedding and the very first thing my DF and I did was create a spreadsheet of all our guests, including their addresses. We've added columns as things progress (STD sent? Invite to shower? Etc) and will add "gift received" and "thank you sent" once that becomes relevant. I got this idea of a spreadsheet from 2 previously married women, one married 10+ years ago (IOW its not a new concept). So really "assembling" all the info (name, address, gift given) would require all of 1 second to click "print".
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Clux44 on May 17, 2012, 05:11:20 AM
Getting older changes everything.
In my younger years, there is no doubt that I would have joined in the letter writing and then moaned about it. However, age does go with experience and now at 50 I can quite comfortably politely turn down a request like this. I started to agree with the point about being spineless, and then I thought back to my twenties when I was so unassertive that I ended up doing all sorts of stuff I shouldn't have done.

It goes the other way too. There are things that I have done when I was younger where my etiquette was far from perfect; and I always aim to please people. I can't say I did anything quite so extreme but if we are friends they they deserve to be enlightened as to the problem. Her closest friend at the thank you signing should have taken her aside and kindly tell her that this is not the way to do it.

We moan on these websites...but unless we provide constructive feedback to our friends (and those we are close to) how on earth will people learn the right way to do things. Maybe it was a suggestion from someone else who assured her it would be okay. A few years on I expect the poor bride will be horrified at what she did...give her a chance
Title: Re: Classic Faux Pas: Bridesmaids Drafted To Write Thank You Notes !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Bees on September 25, 2012, 05:40:02 PM
When I originally read that submission, my first thought was how could the bridesmaid write polite thank yous that made the bride and groom look like a pair of donkeys? I really wish some of the forced note writers had written notes like:

Dear Aunt So-and-so,

Bride & groom wanted to thank you for the lovely crystal bowl you gave them for their wedding. They will think of you whenever they look at it.

Sincerely, bridesmaid


That kind of thank you would be polite but there would be no mistaking who wrote it. Could you imagine all the messages the happy couple would on their answering machine when they got home from their honeymoon? Especially if all the bridesmaids followed suit.

THIS    I was thinking this as I read the thread then wow it showed up. From a post in 2007. Still a great solution, honest and to the point.