Etiquette Hell

A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. Guests, register for forum membership to see all the boards. => Time For a Coffee Break! => Topic started by: Elfqueen13 on October 13, 2009, 01:39:02 PM

Title: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfqueen13 on October 13, 2009, 01:39:02 PM
(I looked back in the archive and didn't see one already in existence, at least not that has been posted in recently.)

Dear Dog:

I understand that getting fixed was possibly the most traumatic experience of your short life.  I understand you were not a puppy when it was done, and that you were actually used to those bits being there.  But I have to tell you, dear dog, you cannot lick them back into place!  So quit trying.

Love,

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on October 13, 2009, 01:46:25 PM
Dear Dog,

I love you quite a bit, and I especially love going out to play with you in the backyard.  That being said, I don't think it was necessary to spend 5 minutes last night chasing you around the tree as you tried to eat dead grass.  Think about it, dog.  That's just a silly, stupid thing to do.  Then again, most of the time you are a silly, stupid dog.  Also, we moved your bed into our room so that you would be more likely to sleep on your bed, not take over our bed.  Kindly stop thinking of our bed as yours, and stop making heartbreaking noises when we force you to lay on your bed.  I promise, it really is comfortable!

Love you,
Dogzard
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: ShieldMaiden on October 13, 2009, 01:50:04 PM
Dear Pilsner,

Yes, I know it's shaped like a ball.  And yes, it's a very bright color orange just like some of your other playthings.  However, the pumpkin on our front porch is not your toy.  Please stop looking at me with sad puppy eyes while you sit by the window to stare forlornly at it.  You have millions of other toys just for you, please play with them (or at the very least, put them all back in their bin!).

Lovingly,
Your mummy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Shoo on October 13, 2009, 01:50:14 PM
Dear Dog,
Stealing my breakfast was not the best way to start the day.  For either of us.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: PeasNCues on October 13, 2009, 01:52:40 PM
Dear Scotch:

yes that is a towel. A clean towel, in fact. Thank you for getting it for me, it's good to see that you have strong retrieval instincts. However, now that you've slobbered on it, it needs to be cleaned again.

It is not necessary for you to fetch clean clothes from the laundry room.

Thanks.
--PeasNCues
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on October 13, 2009, 01:52:55 PM
Dear Valentine,

We know puppies like to run. But ripping the leash out of daddy's hand and running down the street is dangerous.  I hate to think what could have happened if nice neighbor hadn't snagged you by the collar and brought you home.  Please don't do that again.  We love you too much to have anything bad happen.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: L.A. Lady on October 13, 2009, 01:54:48 PM
Dear Elfqueen's dog

while you can not like your balls into place, it is my understanding you get them back when you go to heaven. I hope this helps.

Cheers,
L.A. Lady's dog
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: pinkunicorn on October 13, 2009, 02:30:36 PM
Dear Dog:

The litter box is not a substitute for your food bowl. But I do appreciate your presence, because it reminds me to keep the litter box clean and lump-free!

However, I do appreciate the constant reminders of exactly where the doggy snacks are! I think the linoleum is beginning to get worn from your foot stomping and jumping. It needs to be replaced anyway! :)

Love, Pinkunicorn
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: newbiePA on October 13, 2009, 02:45:14 PM
Dear Dog:

yes, balls are fun.  They roll and you can chase them.  However, those small, white dimply balls?  The ones that are in the big yard behind our house?  They belong to the men with sticks.  I don't think they want to play fetch.  Let's play with one of your thousands of other toys, instead.

newbiePA
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Starchasm on October 13, 2009, 02:47:16 PM
Dear Dog,

It's sweet that you try to protect mommy, but I promise you that no matter how hard you try you will not beat that thunderstorm.  Even if it were corporeal, you weigh 15 pounds and you're missing a leg.  Just take a nap, it'll be more restful for both of us.

Starchasm
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jane7166 on October 13, 2009, 03:02:26 PM
Dear Dog,

While it is very exciting that someone is walking on the sidewalk, Mommy and Daddy don't really need to know that.  It's not necessary to bark.  It's even not necessary to bark when people are walking other dogs on the sidewalk.  It's not necessary to immediately know when the mail truck is coming either.  And while I can understand that you hate the UPS trucks, the nice men will ring the doorbell and let us know if the package is for us.  It's not necessary to bark when other neighbors are getting a package. 

Love,

Mommy and Daddy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Veronica on October 13, 2009, 03:07:05 PM
Dear Dogs:

I know that I'm using a different door to let you out back because the sliding door isn't working, but stop getting so excited.  It is still the same yard! :D  Also, Abbydog I have the door propped open, you can come and go to your heart's content.  Please stop sitting by the sliding door waiting to be let in.   ::)

Veronica
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Sabbyfrog2 on October 13, 2009, 03:16:27 PM
Dear jack,

You have a bed of your own, the couch, daddy and my bed, two pillows, and the spot by the window all free for you to lay in. Please stop sleeping in my laundry basket full of clean clothes that I am waiting to fold. Also, please stop dragging the sheets that are waiting for a wash back into the bedroom so that you can lay on them.

Love,
Sabbyfrog

P.S. How in the world have you been getting the laundry room door open?  ???
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RebeccainGA on October 13, 2009, 03:42:24 PM
Dear Schroder,

I know, you have some equipment that your sister doesn't have. That state will be remedied soon enough, for the most part, once you and Aunt Cindy's doggy have some quality time and you plant some seeds. Until then, enjoy them, but PLEASE stop shoving your hind end in my face to show them off. I know you're proud.

Dear Sassparilla,

I know you like having tummy rubs, and think it's silly that brother has all those extra bits there that you don't so he doesn't get *tummy* rubs, he gets *chest* rubs. However, they're there, some of it permanently. Please stop trying to remove them. Thanks!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: drebay on October 13, 2009, 03:43:30 PM
Dear Abby,

Please stop pulling dirty underwear out of the laundry room.  That is embarassing!



The rest of us that share the house.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Virg on October 13, 2009, 03:45:01 PM
Dearest Dog:

You're so full of it.  I know it stinks to have to go outside in the rain to pee.  It's wet and cold.  But the whimpering and the acting like your leg hurts?  Save it for mommy, because she falls for it.  Remember yesterday when I took out the treat and flipped it down the wet, rainy stairs and you went after it two steps at a time?

I do.  Get your butt down the stairs, you big faker.

Virg
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: drebay on October 13, 2009, 03:47:56 PM
Dear Abby Part 2

You are a girl AND you have been spayed.  Please stop humping on me.
From:  The male dog that actually used to be able to do that.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: rashea on October 13, 2009, 04:22:30 PM
Dear Jake,

Getting Dad to text me that you needed more dog biscuits was unnecessary. I know that you will fade away into practically nothing if forced to eat factory made dog biscuits.

And while Mom appreciates your gifts, the neighbor lady was very confused when you gave her a fish. Especially when she realized that you didn't kill it first. You really could have just let it go back into the water like you do with the crayfish. And just a warning, don't come to me when they pinch you.

Finally, don't get mad at me when I don't pretend with you that you are under the bed when in reality it's just your head. If you don't want people to know you are there, crawl just a bit further.

Love you!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: KCee on October 13, 2009, 04:25:50 PM
Dear Dog:

Yes, your butt is very cute, here's a scratch, but I want to pet your head now! OK, yes I see your butt, there it is! Now, SIT so I can scratch your head...

...Ok, very nice attempt, but you're sitting backwards.  Your butt should not be in the air with your head on the ground.  Very cute. 

Love,
The part-owner of a wiggly little Boxer.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Giggity on October 13, 2009, 04:48:21 PM
Dear Dog,

It's sweet that you try to protect mommy, but I promise you that no matter how hard you try you will not beat that thunderstorm.  Even if it were corporeal, you weigh 15 pounds and you're missing a leg.   Just take a nap, it'll be more restful for both of us.

Starchasm

I don't know why, but this just cracks me the hell up!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Alida on October 13, 2009, 05:13:49 PM
Dear Orion:

I know how much you love balls and how much fun you have when I hide them behind my  back.  But trust me, I will NEVER hide them in the front of my shirt, at chest level.  I know what they look like, dear, but those are not your balls in there!

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Alida on October 13, 2009, 05:25:39 PM
Dear Anubis:

I know you think you're really a cat, but you're not.  The day is going to come when you and Orion are going to take over my desk, but I'm trying to put that off as long as possible.

Love,
Auntie
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: NsWife on October 13, 2009, 05:27:29 PM
Dear El Puppus,
I really wish you would stop tearing up my dirty undies.  I know it is you......there may be lots of dogs in the house but you forget I caught you once.

Dear Lou,
Isn't that yummy doggie prozac making life better for both of us? I know you are still having a hard time without Daddy here but he is not coming home. Sorry. Get used to it.

With love and cuddles,

Doggie Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midalah on October 13, 2009, 05:27:52 PM
Dear Anubis:

Honey, you don't like baths. Trust me. In fact we proved it tonight as you soaked me while I gave you one. So believe me when I say that as much as you think you want to join me in the shower when I take one, you won't like it at all.

Love,
Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on October 13, 2009, 05:29:19 PM
Dear Valnentine

Please stop opening the bathroom door.  Mommy needs her privacy.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: little bird on October 13, 2009, 05:32:18 PM
Dear Sebastian,

I hate to break it to you but you are simply too big to be a lapdog.  You weigh more than half what mommy does.  You do look adorable curled up in a ball but when you're actually on me?  It gets hard to breathe.  Please get off.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: iradney on October 14, 2009, 01:04:01 AM
Dear Hopper

Yes, yes, we're going for a walk! WOOHOO! I'm going as fast as I can, please stop pulling on the leash :(

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Molebert on October 14, 2009, 01:38:53 AM
Dear Eros

Yes. That's a bird. And that too. Oh look, another one.
I know you're a gun dog, but we neither hunt sparrows nor doves. Not crows either, and no, not falling leaves.
In fact, I don't hunt at all, that's daddy. In the mountains...
Can we just walk? I made it to the shop a lot faster walking with a two year old.
Your point is very pretty though.

Love, mummy

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: NsWife on October 14, 2009, 05:42:10 AM
Dear Doggies,
Yes, it is raining. I know Sampson likes playing in the rain, but the rest of you hate to get your dainty (and some not so dainty) paws wet. Oh well.  You still have things to do outside and I will have a fit if you even consider doing them in the house.  Fair warning, the weatherman says to expect rain all week.  I promise to have warm towels and blankets for you all when you come in. So, GO.  Bye now!
Love,
Doggie Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on October 14, 2009, 09:24:19 AM
Dear Rufus,

We know you love your sibling dogs. However, the senior Aussie is old and breakable. She hates being bounced on. That's why she growls at you. The rest of us would growl at you when you bounce on us if we could get the correct amount of menace into it.

Love,

Winter
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on October 14, 2009, 10:31:49 AM
Dear Smokey,
What on earth was up with you this morning?!?  You started trying to wake me up at 4:30, when you know very well I don't get up until the alarm goes off at 5:30.  Telling you "No" only made you shut up for 10-15 minutes at a time.  Then, head butting me and stepping on my feet while I tried to put my robe and slippers on!  I know you don't have a problem with 25 degree temps because you have fur.  I don't have the same luxury, and need to put on clothes before going outside with you.  At least you paid attention when I told you to sit before feeding you.  DH even told you you were badly behaved this morning, and that's never happened before!

Oh, and the flipping on your back to beg for tummy rubs?  Very cute and adorable, but totally does not make up for the rest of your behavior. 

Behave today dogling.

Much love, albeit crankily,
Dogzard
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Information_queen on October 14, 2009, 11:12:30 AM
Dear Mudkipz,

You are not the Wicked Witch. You will not melt if you get wet. So stop trying to go back inside when I take you out. It won't work, you only weigh 5 pounds and I can drag you outside even if you dig all four paws in.

Also, please stop trying to climb on me when I am using the bathroom. You have to be where I can keep an eye on you, since you still think pooping in the house is ok, but please get down and let me get dressed.

And another thing, the people we pass on the walking trail do not bite. It is not necessary to come to a full stop when they are still 50 feet away and not move until they have passed 50 feet behind us. I assure you, I did notice them. You can stop telling me. And those dogs? Yeah, they're behind fences. They can't get you either.

And stop trying to convince us you're dying because you don't like your crate. You're not trained yet; get used to it. The faster you get the idea that your bathroom is outside, the less time you will spend in there, ok?

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on October 14, 2009, 11:19:04 AM
Dear Saber,

I know you are getting older and are a bit cranky because you aren't used to sharing us with Valentine.  But that doesn't give you the right to take over my pillow and my side of the bed.  You have a very comfy bed.  Please use it. 

Love
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Sabbyfrog2 on October 14, 2009, 11:52:21 AM
Dear Jack pt 2,

Laying on top of me, or my clothes, and giving me the pathetic look while I am trying to get ready to go to work is not a good deterent and it acheives nothing but getting your hair all over me and my work clothes. Besides, you are no more than 20 lbs at best. I can pick you up and move you ya know? Yes, you are adorable. Yes, making the face is cute and makes me all melty and you know I will give you extra scritches when you make it. But I will still leave. I am not abandoning you. I always come back. It's been this way for 8 years so you should be use to it by now.

Daddy is a sucker. Lay on him.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: officeworker on October 14, 2009, 12:08:10 PM
Jordan:

The sofa is not your personal face towel. Stop rubbing your face on it after eating & drinking.  Seriously.

-Momma
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: miredrose326 on October 14, 2009, 12:24:55 PM
My Dearest Bella,

I know the couch (and loveseat and chair) taste delicious.  Please stop licking them, it leaves big wet spots that are not comfortable to sit on.

Love,

Mommy and the kids


Dear Dumb Mystery,

You CAN go out side without Bella, I know it's lonely but you can do it.  Eventually the day will come that Bella will not be around anymore and this is a skill you will need to have.  I promise I won't leave you out long by yourself but you can do it.

Love,

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Coralreef on October 14, 2009, 12:41:03 PM
Dear Dogs,

The humans of the house spend the night in their rooms, with you two sleeping near the beds.  There is no need to have an overenthusiastic "welcome home" jumping/wagging/crying fit. 

You do not need to bark your heads off when the parrot screeches the alarm call. She's leading you on for her own entertainment.

There is no need to take a mouthful of pellets from the bowl and carry it to the dining room.  They will taste just the same.

Ambushing the vaccum cleaner will not stop it from making noise.

And finally : the garbage man is not stealing our stuff! 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: hobish on October 14, 2009, 01:01:48 PM

Dear Jayna,

Please stop showing your appreciation for my brand new carpeting by pooping on it. You don't see us doing that, do you? No, you don't. Please stop. Seriously, it's not cute.

Love and kisses,
the other one


Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: little bird on October 14, 2009, 02:00:53 PM
Dear Sebastian,

Yes, that's a kitty.  You LIVE with a kitty.  You even manage to live with her in peace and harmony.

What's with the pulling, barking and frantic whining over the kitty we see occasionally on our walks? 

Quit it.

Love,
Mommy, whose shoulder is starting to hurt from all your nonsense
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: LadyPekoe on October 14, 2009, 02:14:13 PM
Dear Duchess,
The UPS man is our friend.  He is NOT the enemy.  I don't know how you can hear his truck through a closed door when it parks down the street but I acknowledge that you appear to be able to do so.  Even so, you do not need to try to claw through the door.  He already throws the package down and runs--you have apparently scared him with your bark so that should mollify your 18-lb self. 
Love,
Momza
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Yankee-Belle on October 14, 2009, 02:15:05 PM
Dear Oliver,

Please note that I called you Oliver. Your name is not Dino and my name is not Fred Flintstone, my name is Mom. I love that you are so happy to see me, however, you are 90 lbs and I am getting up there in age. I am afraid I am going to break a hip one of these days.

If dad wants to give me a hug, that does not mean you have to get in on the deal too. You are hugged and kissed within an inch of your life, let someone else get some of that once in a while.

But also know, you have given dad and me such joy. I look forward to coming home each day and getting knocked down!  ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: reddevil on October 14, 2009, 02:17:40 PM
Dear Goose:

You are a Flabrador Retriever.  When we throw the stick, you run to get it.  Standing there after you pick it up looking confused embarasses everyone.  When we call you to bring it back, dropping it and then running to us at warp speed is not the right reaction.

Oh, and the budgie?  You are a bird dog.  The bird weighs about 3 ounces.  Why do you let it terrorize you?

Love,
mama

Dear Nero:

We see the squirrels.  Yes, we see those too.  We see them on the roof.  We see them in the yard.  We can see, you know. 

Yes, we see those, too.  Yes, and those.  We know they have an evil empire and are plotting to destroy us all AND they are filled with gravy and Wendy's frosty (thanks, Uncle Mikey).  We see them.

Love,
mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfqueen13 on October 14, 2009, 02:24:08 PM
Dear Dog:

I know that letting loose 3 drops of pee every 20 feet is your way of marking your territory.  But when we come full-circle around the block, don't start jumping up and down because a dog was here!  You know because it peed!

That was you.  20 minutes ago.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on October 14, 2009, 02:33:16 PM
Dear Dog:

I know that letting loose 3 drops of pee every 20 feet is your way of marking your territory.  But when we come full-circle around the block, don't start jumping up and down because a dog was here!  You know because it peed!

That was you.  20 minutes ago.

Love,
Mommy

Elfqueen, I see you have my dog's littermate.  I'd say I'm sorry, but I crack up every time I see this happen, so I don't feel too badly about it.  :P
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MasterofSquirrels on October 14, 2009, 02:52:17 PM
Dear Sam.. aka Booger
Please don't eat the cat food. you are a dog. you get fed. the cat wakes me up.. and i don't like that. so please, for me..? stop eating the cat food.

if you lick it it's yours.. not cool dog. not cool. I like hamburgers too.

Sam.. you do know you are MY dog right? i rescued you.. well i took you in at the very least. please stop jumping in the UPS van. yes the lady is very nice.. and she has dog treats, well guess what? I DO TOO! and you go for rides.. quite often! please leave the UPS lady alone.

You are so soft and cuddley.. and don't tell the others, but you are my favorite. i can't help it. you just are. you're dumb but soooo cute! and everyone that meets you thinks so too... i know you get upset when people don't pet you, but i give you loves.. lots and lots of loves.

i love you.
mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitty-cat on October 14, 2009, 03:09:06 PM
Dear Chanel: You are 5 pounds.  I am much more than that.  Please stop trying to stand under my feet while I'm walking with laundry.

Dear Peanut: I know you like playing with your toys, but could you please be a little more gentle with them?  The cost of new toys is starting to add up.

Dear Tessie: You too are 5 pounds.  Why can you near push me off of the couch when I was on there first?

Dear Peanut&Tessie:  The neighbors below us would really like it if you would stop running around like maniacs when Peanut comes to visit.  The two of you are small, but still....

Love,
the one who feeds you
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Kimblee on October 14, 2009, 05:38:49 PM
Dear Bean and Baby,

I love you too terribly. i love when you throw yourselves into my arms, and lick me, and everything else.

But know this. Your full names are... well, a bit offensive. This isn't your fault, nor is it mine. Stepdaddy names the two of you, and unfortunatly he did so while he was very out of his mind, due to pain medicines and loss of oxygen. Your names are nothing OBVIOUSLY offensive. In fact I had no idea baby's name even WAS offensive for a year or two, but they are enough that i would prefer that you come back to me when i yell "Bean! Baby!"

Please stop making me call you by your full names... i've spent almost four years getting you used to your new, shorter names. get with the program.

I love you two more than choclate.

Love,

Your Kimmie-Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: NsWife on October 14, 2009, 05:43:26 PM
Dear Bean and Baby,

I love you too terribly. i love when you throw yourselves into my arms, and lick me, and everything else.

But know this. Your full names are... well, a bit offensive. This isn't your fault, nor is it mine. Stepdaddy names the two of you, and unfortunatly he did so while he was very out of his mind, due to pain medicines and loss of oxygen. Your names are nothing OBVIOUSLY offensive. In fact I had no idea baby's name even WAS offensive for a year or two, but they are enough that i would prefer that you come back to me when i yell "Bean! Baby!"

Please stop making me call you by your full names... i've spent almost four years getting you used to your new, shorter names. get with the program.

I love you two more than chocolate.

Love,

Your Kimmie-Mama


OK, now I need to know......what are their full names?
Raliegh, Sadie,Lou, Lilly, August, Bella, Sampson's and Sam (the bird) 's mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bellantara on October 14, 2009, 05:48:48 PM
Dear Bean and Baby,

I love you too terribly. i love when you throw yourselves into my arms, and lick me, and everything else.

But know this. Your full names are... well, a bit offensive. This isn't your fault, nor is it mine. Stepdaddy names the two of you, and unfortunatly he did so while he was very out of his mind, due to pain medicines and loss of oxygen. Your names are nothing OBVIOUSLY offensive. In fact I had no idea baby's name even WAS offensive for a year or two, but they are enough that i would prefer that you come back to me when i yell "Bean! Baby!"

Please stop making me call you by your full names... i've spent almost four years getting you used to your new, shorter names. get with the program.

I love you two more than chocolate.

Love,

Your Kimmie-Mama


OK, now I need to know......what are their full names?
Raliegh, Sadie,Lou, Lilly, August, Bella, Sampson's and Sam (the bird) 's mom


Me too. . .

Lady's mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Kimblee on October 14, 2009, 06:16:39 PM
Dear Bean and Baby,

I love you too terribly. i love when you throw yourselves into my arms, and lick me, and everything else.

But know this. Your full names are... well, a bit offensive. This isn't your fault, nor is it mine. Stepdaddy names the two of you, and unfortunatly he did so while he was very out of his mind, due to pain medicines and loss of oxygen. Your names are nothing OBVIOUSLY offensive. In fact I had no idea baby's name even WAS offensive for a year or two, but they are enough that i would prefer that you come back to me when i yell "Bean! Baby!"

Please stop making me call you by your full names... i've spent almost four years getting you used to your new, shorter names. get with the program.

I love you two more than chocolate.

Love,

Your Kimmie-Mama


OK, now I need to know......what are their full names?
Raliegh, Sadie,Lou, Lilly, August, Bella, Sampson's and Sam (the bird) 's mom


Me too. . .

Lady's mama

I'll PM u

I still don't know just how offensive the names are, so i don't feel okay putting them in the thread.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Alida on October 14, 2009, 06:41:40 PM
PM me, too, please?  I'm very curious right now!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitty-cat on October 14, 2009, 09:35:52 PM
Can I know too?  Thank ya!

On topic:

Tessie,

Geni has just gone out for a bit.  There is no need for you to bark at the door like some poor little abandoned puppy.  I'm still here after all...

-The person who is cooking chicken rite now and who can give you a tiny piece :)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: lisat on October 14, 2009, 11:01:57 PM
Dear Jake,

I know I leave those old crocs by the backdoor for a reason.  I am fully aware that your water bowl is close beside them. Just how on earth do you manage to get a drink of water and then drool inside of them?  I am getting tired of slidding my bare feet into drool coated shoes on my way outside. ugh

I know that you were raised by cats. However-just because they wake us up in the morning by jumping on our chests and then patting our cheeks does not mean that you can do it.  They weigh 10 lbs-you are a Great Pyrenees and weigh considerately more.

Yes I know that it was you who got the roast off of the counter. Are you happy that we had fried egg sandwiches tonight?

Love
Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Alida on October 14, 2009, 11:04:35 PM
Yes I know that it was you who got the roast off of the counter. Are you happy that we had fried egg sandwiches tonight?

This has me giggling!  I bet Jake enjoyed that roast!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: magdalena on October 15, 2009, 04:37:22 AM
Dear Lotta,

I know I haven't mopped the floors yet this week. You still don't have to do it for me. Really, I promise you I'll clean today.

Further, I know you miss Daddy, but he's only been gone a few days and he'll come home, you know he always comes home. You don't need to search the whole appartment every morning and then sit there at my feet whimpering. I promise you he'll be home tomorrow.

You know that you're a Lab, right? And you also know that you love swimming? And showers. And rain. Would you mind telling me why the wet lawn is such a problem that you won't go out to pee but bug me to take you for a walk on the street? I'd really like to know.

Luv,
Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: readingchick on October 15, 2009, 08:12:29 AM
Dear Susie-Q:

I know you love to see Cousin Readingchick because she gives you belly rubs, but is it really necessary for you to flop on your back in a high-foot traffic area when you see your cousin?


Dear Abby:

We get it. You don't like to be crated up every Thanksgiving while Susie's working the crowd. However, I'm fairly sure that your mommy makes it a point to give you extra cuddles and kisses and whatnot after those people leave. So would you please keep the barkage down this year? Please?

Love,
your human cousin
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfqueen13 on October 15, 2009, 09:34:53 AM
Yes I know that it was you who got the roast off of the counter. Are you happy that we had fried egg sandwiches tonight?

This has me giggling!  I bet Jake enjoyed that roast!

Our dog would rather have the egg sandwich.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Ms_Cellany on October 15, 2009, 10:14:48 AM
Dear Nero:

We see the squirrels.  Yes, we see those too.  We see them on the roof.  We see them in the yard.  We can see, you know. 

Yes, we see those, too.  Yes, and those.  We know they have an evil empire and are plotting to destroy us all AND they are filled with gravy and Wendy's frosty (thanks, Uncle Mikey).  We see them.

Love,
mama

*snerk*!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: PeasNCues on October 15, 2009, 10:22:19 AM
Dear Pilsner,

I love you. You are a snuggle bug who likes getting up on Auntie Peas's lap and snuggling. Auntie Peas LOVES that. However, mommy says it's got to stop as you snuggle other people who are not so receptive to a Golden Retriever on their laps.

So, remember, blame mommy ;)

- Auntie Peas
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on October 15, 2009, 11:28:34 AM
Dear Valentine,

The chewing has to stop!  With all the nice, doggie chews I leave out for you, why do you still decide to nibble the coffee table and chew the feet off the couch?  You aren't teething anymore so that excuse doesn't fly.  Flopping on your back and giving me fang, as cute as it is, does not make up for it.  Enough with the chewing already.  Furniture is not for noms!

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: tarheel220 on October 15, 2009, 12:44:15 PM
Holly,

I love you bunches, but it's getting on mine, Daddy's and Granny's nerves when we take you out at your scheduled time and you come back in, get your treat and then hide under the table again like you have to go out.  Sorry, but you're not getting a treat every time you go out.  You know you only get those when you've gone out and pooped or peed like you're supposed to.

Love ya,

Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Morty'sCleaningLady on October 15, 2009, 01:21:08 PM
Dear Morty,

I know adjusting to condo living was a challenge for a mature boy like you, but that parking space in front of my living room isn't yours.  We don't have assigned spaces and anyone can park there.  No amount of your 10 pound self getting nose prints on the glass and howling will stop someone from parking there. 

Also, slow down a bit when you eat.  You scare your Gram!  She thinks you have tapeworm and I'm not feeding you enough.  The vet says you are fine, but maybe you should try to chew the kibble a little bit more.  (And I know when you visit Gram and Gramps they are slipping you lots of people food.)

Momma

P.S.  There's a dog in this thread that does floors.  We are upping your chore load, young man!  That dishwasher better be emptied and put away by the time  I get home.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Sleepless on October 15, 2009, 01:50:45 PM
Dear Boo,

I think you are perfect. You have served well as a mental health counselor and a personal trainer.

What would you like for dinner?

Love,

Hu-Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: nalapuppy on October 15, 2009, 04:20:08 PM
Dear Hemi,

I know you started out small, and could fit anywhere, but you have grown a lot in the past 2 months.  You are bigger than a cat now, and cannot fit through the cat door.  Yes, your head still fits....and no matter which way you turn it, the rest of your body won't go through; chewing on the edge is not going to help.  Neither is giving us sad puppy eyes, while sticking your head through the cat door..... your body still won't fit.

And next time I clean the patio door, could you please refrain for at least 30 minutes, of putting your dirty paws and wet nose marks on it... especially when we have company coming over.  One day, I would actually like to see what clean glass looks like again.

love,
Me
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: AprilRenee on October 15, 2009, 05:27:19 PM
Dear Xena-The couch is MINE. I let you share it with me, however plopping down and pushing all four of your feet against me in an effort to shove me off is not appreciated. Also, there is plenty of room to sleep without laying all of your 50 pounds on my feet and legs. Don't look sad when I kick you off. You know what you are doing.

Oh yeah, STOP eating my sheets and blankets. And the hole you chewed in DS's mattress was NOT appreciated.

Dear Lottie. Yes I know, you are as big dog stuck in a dauschunds body. It is not needed to try and terrify anyone wh knocks on the door with that bark of yours. And PLEASE stop licking the couch. It's gross.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bijou on October 16, 2009, 03:14:04 AM
Dear dog,
I think you're a nice neighbor and all, but must you eat the cats' food?  I hope you don't get the runs or anything from it.
bijou
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Morty'sCleaningLady on October 16, 2009, 07:18:59 AM
Dear Morty,

You know we live alone.  I always feed you breakfast and dinner after a nice walk.  As always, I have to scoop the food into your bowl for you.  It doesn't magically appear while we are on the walk.  No matter how quickly you run into the kitchen, this isn't going to change.  Your bowl will still be on the floor on your placement and empy.  There isn't a food fairy that will fill your bowl while we are out.

Additionally, your 'helping' to fill the bowl by dancing through the kitchen simply slows Momma down. 

Love you!
Mom

P.S.  The rain is not a torture device.  Go out and play today.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Hijinks on October 16, 2009, 08:58:13 AM
Dear Cat,

Please stop peeing in my clean laundry basket.

Sincerely,
Me.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on October 16, 2009, 09:12:33 AM
Dear Smokey,
What on earth possessed you to tear apart our bed like that last night?  Pillows practically flung off the bed, sheet pulled down...why did you do that?  And can you please never do it again?!?  I like to be able to just get into bed at night, not have to put it back together before I can get into it!  Also, enough with the refusing to give up your spot on the bed.  You and DH woke me up last night when he had to bodily pick you up to get you off the bed.  This is OUR bed, not yours.  You are simply allowed to use it while we're at work. 

Some love,
your human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfqueen13 on October 16, 2009, 09:36:28 AM
Dear Cat,

Please stop peeing in my clean laundry basket.

Sincerely,
Me.

Should we sic the dogs on it?  :D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on October 16, 2009, 01:13:09 PM
Dear Jack,

My underwear is not a chew toy.  And the used tissues in the bathroom trash bin are not edible. 

If you're very slow and calm, you might get Claudio to let you kiss him.  Hero is a lost cause.  Face it, the grey cat hates you.

Oh, and stop being a wimp!  That's my job.

But I love you, and Daddy loves you more,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Reddie321 on October 16, 2009, 04:09:06 PM
Dear Cocoa,

You are a dachshund...that means that you are not entitled to half of my queen-size bed.  Pushing against me when I encroach on "your" territory will result in you sleeping on the floor.  Also, I know it's a rare occurrence when the bed is made, but it's actually supposed to look like that!  Stop rolling in the pillows and messing up the sheets.

Also, Mama and Daddy go out of town for a few days several times a year.  At 14, you should know this by now.  So PLEASE eat when they're gone so I don't look like a horrible dog sitter when you've lost 2 pounds in four days.  They're coming back, I promise.

One more thing, stop doing your reverse Houdini act when laundry comes out of the dryer.  In the time it takes me to switch one load of laundry from the washer to the dryer, you've appeared (from where???) in the middle of my still warm laundry pile.  Yes, your fur is very pretty.  No, I do not want to wear it on all of my clothes.

Love,

Your tolerant "sister"
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: emeraldsage85 on October 17, 2009, 05:24:48 PM
Dear Jake,

I know you're an outside dog and there are plenty of things to explore, but please stop finding dead things in the ditch and dragging them back to the yard (especially if they've been dead a long time). It's disgusting.

Also, please stop eating all of the dog food just because you want to grow bigger. You're not even hungry so share some with Grizzly. And please stop trying to wrestle Grizzly around. He's thirteen and doesn't want to play with you.

Love,
emeraldsage

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Tashigi on October 18, 2009, 05:07:09 PM
Dear Fuzzybutt:

Toes are NOT meant to bitten, chewed, gnawed or licked when one is sitting at the kitchen counter.

-The transient human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: ladymaureen on October 18, 2009, 05:27:50 PM
Dear Bella:

You are a dog. You are not a cat. Therefore there is no excuse for you doing the following-me-ahead-of-me thing, wherein you go where I want to go, slowly. This works poorly when I am carrying the laundry basket or other heavy items and cannot see where you are.

Also, you are not allowed in Mommy and Daddy's bathroom. You know this. You are particularly forbidden from going into the trash and removing yummy items to chew on. Stop it.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kennedar on October 18, 2009, 05:37:14 PM
Dear Meeka

I know that daddy left this morning for his first ever overnight trip. I know that you miss him, because he is your favorite. However, sitting at the door, staring at it with sad eyes will not make him come home any sooner. It will still be a week before you see him again. I miss him as much as you do.

Also, you are a spayed female. We both know this. Therefore h*mping the pillow is not going to get you anywhere. While it is amusing for Daddy and I, waking us up at 4 am to do this is not necessary.

Love

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Alida on October 18, 2009, 05:54:59 PM
Dear Anubis:

I know your big brother is outside, but jumping over my leg to get out to him isn't good!  I don't need a heart attack... you're a cute, tiny little almost all-black dog, and it's DARK out!

Love,
Auntie
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: momof2weenies on October 20, 2009, 08:10:29 AM
Dear Oscar & Pepper:

You are, and always will be, mommy & daddy's bestest weenies ever.  This Friday, though, I'm bringing home another weenie.  His name is Bernie, and he needs a forever home.  Please, please be good brothers to him and help him learn the ropes - please?  You are so good with other dogs, I have faith that you will be nice to him.  This doesn't mean that you are any less special and no, this will not reduce your food/treats/toys/car rides/cheeseburgers at all.  Pepper, you will always be mommy's first weenie dog & dad's bestest buddy; and Oscar you'll always be mommy's snuggle bug & daddy's "Ooosc".  We just have extra love to share with Bernie dog, and he needs it.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on October 20, 2009, 08:55:08 AM
Dear Smokey,

We tried to explain this to you yesterday, but I'm not sure if you got it, so I'm trying again. 

I know you want to play with all the dogs you see on your walk.  But, you look a little intimidating when you are in "way excited because there are dogs around" mode.  You thrash around, and bounce up and down, and in general act like your dearest wish is to get your gear off so you can attack.  Your people know this is not true, as does anyone who's met you for more than five minutes.  The people on the street do not know this.  They do not want you to hurt their dog, so they will not let you get close.  Pulling all your gear off and then trying to strangle yourself as you lunge around does not help at all.  Please stop doing this.  Your dad is very tired of coming home with sore arms because he's had to fight with you. 

On Thursday you will get to go to Woof Dah and play with all the dogs there.  Until then, please be nice about your walks, okay?  Otherwise, I'll have to start coming along, and you don't like that at all because I make you behave.  So be nice!

Love,

Your person
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: ShieldMaiden on October 20, 2009, 10:02:51 AM
Dear Smokey,

We tried to explain this to you yesterday, but I'm not sure if you got it, so I'm trying again. 

I know you want to play with all the dogs you see on your walk.  But, you look a little intimidating when you are in "way excited because there are dogs around" mode.  You thrash around, and bounce up and down, and in general act like your dearest wish is to get your gear off so you can attack.  Your people know this is not true, as does anyone who's met you for more than five minutes.  The people on the street do not know this.  They do not want you to hurt their dog, so they will not let you get close.  Pulling all your gear off and then trying to strangle yourself as you lunge around does not help at all.  Please stop doing this.  Your dad is very tired of coming home with sore arms because he's had to fight with you. 

On Thursday you will get to go to Woof Dah and play with all the dogs there.  Until then, please be nice about your walks, okay?  Otherwise, I'll have to start coming along, and you don't like that at all because I make you behave.  So be nice!

Love,

Your person

Dear Smokey,

Can we go for a walk?  Then we can act like maniacs together because I'm the same! 

Love,
Pilsner
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: magdalena on October 20, 2009, 10:11:59 AM
Dear Smokey,

We tried to explain this to you yesterday, but I'm not sure if you got it, so I'm trying again. 

I know you want to play with all the dogs you see on your walk.  But, you look a little intimidating when you are in "way excited because there are dogs around" mode.  You thrash around, and bounce up and down, and in general act like your dearest wish is to get your gear off so you can attack.  Your people know this is not true, as does anyone who's met you for more than five minutes.  The people on the street do not know this.  They do not want you to hurt their dog, so they will not let you get close.  Pulling all your gear off and then trying to strangle yourself as you lunge around does not help at all.  Please stop doing this.  Your dad is very tired of coming home with sore arms because he's had to fight with you. 

On Thursday you will get to go to Woof Dah and play with all the dogs there.  Until then, please be nice about your walks, okay?  Otherwise, I'll have to start coming along, and you don't like that at all because I make you behave.  So be nice!

Love,

Your person

Dear Smokey,

Can we go for a walk?  Then we can act like maniacs together because I'm the same! 

Love,
Pilsner

dear Smokey and Pilsner,

where are you????

Manic Lab Love,
Lotta
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on October 20, 2009, 12:53:57 PM
Dear Pilsner and Lotta,

I think you guys are pretty far away from me; I'm in Minnesota.  If you ever come to visit (it's neat here!  There's snow, and leaves, and bugs, and rabbits!) I bet my people would totally let us hang out together.  Until then!

Bouncily,
Smokey
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: little bird on October 20, 2009, 12:56:05 PM
Dear Smokey,

We tried to explain this to you yesterday, but I'm not sure if you got it, so I'm trying again. 

I know you want to play with all the dogs you see on your walk.  But, you look a little intimidating when you are in "way excited because there are dogs around" mode.  You thrash around, and bounce up and down, and in general act like your dearest wish is to get your gear off so you can attack.  Your people know this is not true, as does anyone who's met you for more than five minutes.  The people on the street do not know this.  They do not want you to hurt their dog, so they will not let you get close.  Pulling all your gear off and then trying to strangle yourself as you lunge around does not help at all.  Please stop doing this.  Your dad is very tired of coming home with sore arms because he's had to fight with you. 

On Thursday you will get to go to Woof Dah and play with all the dogs there.  Until then, please be nice about your walks, okay?  Otherwise, I'll have to start coming along, and you don't like that at all because I make you behave.  So be nice!

Love,

Your person

Dear Smokey,

Can we go for a walk?  Then we can act like maniacs together because I'm the same! 

Love,
Pilsner

dear Smokey and Pilsner,

where are you????

Manic Lab Love,
Lotta

Dear Smokey, Pilsner and Lotta,

I want to go with you guys!  Mama doesn't let me act like a maniac and daddy just gets frustrated with me.

Sad Lab Eyes,
Sebastian
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on October 20, 2009, 04:13:16 PM
Dear Smokey, Pilsner, Lotta and Sebastian,

May I come with you?  Mommy and Daddy don't let me go crazy either.  Off to nom more of Mommy's shoes...

Valentine
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Yankee-Belle on October 21, 2009, 09:38:04 AM
Dear Smokey, Pilsner, Lotta, Sebastian and Valentine,

Do you think our parents are related?

Love,

Oliver
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: NsWife on October 21, 2009, 09:48:21 AM
Dear fellow doggies,
The party is at our house....We have a big fenced yard of woods filled with squirrels to chase, yummy treats and a mom who does not care if we roughhouse outside! Come on over!
Love,
Raliegh, Sadie, Lou, Sampson, Bella, August and Lilly
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: magdalena on October 21, 2009, 09:54:35 AM
Dear all,

I think we really all should go to Raliegh, Sadie, Lou, Sampson, Bella, August and Lilly
OR, you all take them with you and come to me. Momma has a fenced yard, or we could go to Grandmomma, she has a HUGE fenced yard and lives in the mountains: little rivers, nice little lakes and lots of forests! And grandmomma is really good at dropping things while she's cooking. And grandpapa will get up really early to let us out. He always does.

Luv,
Lotta
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Coralreef on October 21, 2009, 10:06:25 AM
Dear Maya,

Your little 50 pounds of doggy love on my stomach at 4 am is not overly appreciated.  And you have doggy breath.  Not cool, dog, not cool.

Dear Sedna,

I shower at regular intervals.  You do not need to wash me either before or after.  Specially at 4 am, when your sister is holding me hostage and I can't push either of you away.  You don't need to sneeze when snuffling my neck either.  Doggy snot is even less cool than doggy breath. 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on October 21, 2009, 10:09:29 AM
Dear all,

I asked my mom, and she says I'm not allowed to go anywhere that's more than a day's drive away.  I guess she doesn't like how I behave in hotels.  So you guys will have to have fun without me.   :'(  :'(

On the plus side, I was good last night!  So I got a treat, and lots of attention, and I got to sleep on the bed for a couple hours!  Life is pretty good here!

Love,
Smokey
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: magdalena on October 21, 2009, 10:13:23 AM
Dear Smokey,

I'm sorry, but I'm kinda in the same boat. Momma won't let me fly. She says I'd be unbearable after hours in a crate. I don't like crates really, so she's probably right.

I got in trouble with Papa this morning but I've been good since then. I hope Papa will be home soon and spend time with me before he goes out with Momma. I know they will do that, because Momma has curlers in her hair. She only does that before she leaves me alone. That's why I try to steal her curlers and chew them up. Then she'll have to stay home, right?

Bouncy love,
Lotta
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: sparklestar on October 21, 2009, 10:15:23 AM
Dear Jack,

My underwear is not a chew toy.  And the used tissues in the bathroom trash bin are not edible. 

If you're very slow and calm, you might get Claudio to let you kiss him.  Hero is a lost cause.  Face it, the grey cat hates you.

Oh, and stop being a wimp!  That's my job.

But I love you, and Daddy loves you more,
Mommy
My old dog used to do this - my little sister referred to it as "Dog's self-wiping bottom" - YUCK! 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: ShieldMaiden on October 21, 2009, 10:42:20 AM
Dear Smokey,

In lieu of your travelling restrictions I have begun working on a transporter system able to transport us in real time at the quantum level.  That way we can all go on walks, rough house, and act like maniacs and go back to our beds at night time.

I have run into a few problems due to my lack of opposable thumbs, but I will prevail!

Tail wags,
Pilsner
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: PeasNCues on October 21, 2009, 10:47:05 AM
Dear Smokey,

In lieu of your travelling restrictions I have begun working on a transporter system able to transport us in real time at the quantum level.  That way we can all go on walks, rough house, and act like maniacs and go back to our beds at night time.

I have run into a few problems due to my lack of opposable thumbs, but I will prevail!

Tail wags,
Pilsner
Dear Pilsner,

NOM!

Love,
Scotch
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: readingchick on October 21, 2009, 10:49:26 AM
Dear Lucky,

Please don't beg for scraps from me. I don't fall for that bleeding heart "I'm starving, look at me, I'm down to skin and bones so please give me some of that" look. You aren't starving; in fact I don't think you have missed a meal at all.

Your cousin
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: amylouky on October 21, 2009, 11:30:10 AM
Dear Sadie,

I really just have one question. Why is it that you LOVE to play in the water when I have the hose out, to the point that you will whine and bark when I turn the water off.. yet, you refuse to go outside when it's raining?

Love,

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on October 21, 2009, 11:51:36 AM
Dear Smokey,

In lieu of your travelling restrictions I have begun working on a transporter system able to transport us in real time at the quantum level.  That way we can all go on walks, rough house, and act like maniacs and go back to our beds at night time.

I have run into a few problems due to my lack of opposable thumbs, but I will prevail!

Tail wags,
Pilsner

Dear Pilsner,
Thanks so much for thinking of me! I have no doubt you will prevail.  I agree with Scotch though; can we make it edible?  Nom nom nom! 

Bouncily,
Smokey

PS -- Can we make it bacon flavored too?  That'd probably be best.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: pinkunicorn on October 21, 2009, 11:58:36 AM
Dear Best Friend's Dog::

I know you love me and you are excited to see me every time I come to visit your person, but please let me get in the door and sit down before you try to climb into my lap. I'm sorry, but if I'm not sitting, I have no lap. Besides, you're very small and I'm afraid I will step on you when you run under my feet!

Love,
Pink Unicorn
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfqueen13 on April 07, 2010, 01:34:22 PM
Dear Elf-dog:

I love you very much and I'm worried about you.  Please do not ever eat mouse bait again.  This has been an expensive and nerve-wracking week.

Love,
Momz
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: momof2weenies on April 07, 2010, 01:38:28 PM
Dear littlest weenie -

Although it is kind of funny to watch your 9-pound self chase mom's 65-lb labrador around, not all big dogs will be as amicable as he is.  Starting next week, we're going to obedience school.

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: rashea on April 07, 2010, 01:40:58 PM
Dear Banshee,

Please stop licking Bishop's ears. It's weird. Plus, I can't treat her for ear mites when it means you will then lick up the chemicals. And it isn't fair to make Bishop wear the lampshade just because you're a weirdo.

Love,

Mom

P.S. Why do you bother storing food in the corner if you will refuse to eat it?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: aventurine on April 07, 2010, 02:12:52 PM
Dear Flops, Lady, .. heck, dear everybody:

My shoes are MINE; you do not need shoes.  I like for my shoes to be where I left them, not strowed halfway across the room. 

Also, whining/fussing/keening/barking does not make the food hit the floor any faster, and will result in gentle re-training (read:  delayed gratification).  You really should have figured this out by now.

Love you,

The Giver Of Food And Treats
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kennedar on April 07, 2010, 06:06:08 PM
Dear Meeka

You really need to start eating your dinner. I know its boring to get the same thing every night, but thats how life is when you are a dog. When you do not eat your dinner at dinner time, we have to make you eat it before bed time. This results in you having to go out in the middle of the night. Daddy is getting tired of letting you out, and Mommy is tired of being woken up at 3 am. This is not cool.

Love

Mommy

P.S. If anyone has any ideas of how to get a finnicky dog to eat her dinner, PM me. We are out of options!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Synergy on April 07, 2010, 08:38:19 PM
Dear Steinbeck,

It's a rock.   Barking at it will not frighten it away.   Yes, it moves, but only when you push it with your nose.   Otherwise it will just lay there, waiting to ambush me the next time I mow the lawn.   

Signed,

He Who Brings Tennis Balls
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: AreaWoman on April 08, 2010, 07:53:24 PM
Dear AreaDog:
  You need not worry about the pizza guy -- he is not invading the house, just delivering our dinner.  There's no need to go to doggie DefCon 5.  Plus, you know you get bites of crust from daddy, so what's your major malfunction? 

Love and belly rubs,
Mommie
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: POF on April 08, 2010, 08:58:06 PM
Dear Daisy Duck ...

I lub you ... I lub you ... I lub you ..... but you weigh 65 pounds and when you jump on me when I'm napping in the recliner .... it scare mes and when I screech because I am being squished ... it scares you.

I know you love kitty cat. But trust me - he is really not some sort of deformed puppy. He's a full grown nueterd tom cat who's the godfather of the neighborhood. I don't care how hard you try ... he's not going to play squeaky ball.  I also think it;s nice that you want him to share the chewie treat - but shoving it in his face when he's sleeping ( he;s 17 years old now ) doesn't work.  Finally - cats groom themselves. I'm afraid that he is going to get very tired of being held down with one of you paws and getting thoroughly washed. Don't cry to me when you get scratched.

For the record ... the dead chipmunk you found today is also not a puppy. You can't lick it back to life and you can not bring it in the house. No.... I did not steal it ... I put it in the garbage.

Love

Mummy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: PeytiePotatie on April 08, 2010, 10:10:42 PM
Dear PeytieDog,

I understand that you think dirty underwear is the best.toy.evar. But you have to wait until I take it OFF to chew it up. Running into the bathroom, grabbing it with your teeth, and attempting to tug it off of my legs while I am using the toilet will get bad results for both of us. Also, I am starting to feel a little creeped out when you watch me get undressed because you know underpants are forthcoming. Do we need to go to doggie counseling to resolve this fetish?

Also, when did you learn to spell? I am going to have to learn another language so daddy and I can discuss things like cookies, Gramma-Grampa, and the car without having you start barking and looking for these items.

Huggles,
Mommy

PS - I feel like a rock star when you freak out with excitement when I get home from work. I know it's technically bad behavior, but my self-esteem skyrockets when I see you. Don't think I haven't noticed that daddy doesn't get the same welcome...I love you more too, buddy!  ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Cyradis on April 08, 2010, 11:37:09 PM
Dearest Azzurri dog,

Frogs are not defenseless. Seeing you ill is distressing. Vets are extra expensive when they get called out of their homes at night. You had a long play in the yard and did your business before it got dark. Giving me pleading looks and whining will not get me to let you out off leash.

Snuggles!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kennedar on April 09, 2010, 08:31:15 AM
Dearest Azzurri dog,

Frogs are not defenseless. Seeing you ill is distressing. Vets are extra expensive when they get called out of their homes at night. You had a long play in the yard and did your business before it got dark. Giving me pleading looks and whining will not get me to let you out off leash.

Snuggles!

Your dog is named Azzuri?? And your an AC Milan fan??? My DH is a hard core Juve fan....our dogs middle name is Del Pierro...I cant let him see your dogs name or we will have to get a new dog with that name!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Cyradis on April 09, 2010, 12:35:10 PM
Dearest Azzurri dog,

Frogs are not defenseless. Seeing you ill is distressing. Vets are extra expensive when they get called out of their homes at night. You had a long play in the yard and did your business before it got dark. Giving me pleading looks and whining will not get me to let you out off leash.

Snuggles!

Your dog is named Azzuri?? And your an AC Milan fan??? My DH is a hard core Juve fan....our dogs middle name is Del Pierro...I cant let him see your dogs name or we will have to get a new dog with that name!

Hee, Del Piero's a great name for a pup! Is he a black and white dog? Azzurri loved footballs when she was a pup. I wanted to call my other dog "Milan" when I got her but she was such a tiny scrap. I ended up calling her Kira for Kira Nerys on DS9.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Chinchillazilla on April 09, 2010, 01:53:08 PM
Dear Kelso,

Everything is not yours, Min Pin Property Laws (http://www.littlehouseofminpins.com/miniature_pinscher_property_laws) notwithstanding. The cats do not think it is funny when you take toys out of their little paws and put them in your toybox. The contents of my purse are none of your business. You have a broken leg and it's very pitiful, but I've started to figure out when you're playing up the limp, so save it.

Also: I got you some little pet stairs so you could get on the bed by yourself. Yes, it is polite to ask permission, but climbing the stairs and woofing at me until I invite you onto the bed is getting old.

Love,
Me

Dear Phoebe,

Why can't you look even a little ashamed when I yell at you for doing bad things? When I tell you loudly that you are a BAD DOG for chasing the cat out of the litterbox right in front of me, you should at least pretend to be remorseful instead of wagging your tail and beaming like "Yaaay, I chased a cat! Go me!"

Also: Why you think it's necessary to nom on our toes enthusiastically when we get up is beyond me. You're chipping everyone's nail polish.

Love,
Me
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Morty'sCleaningLady on April 09, 2010, 02:50:28 PM
Dear Kelso,

Everything is not yours, Min Pin Property Laws (http://www.littlehouseofminpins.com/miniature_pinscher_property_laws) notwithstanding. The cats do not think it is funny when you take toys out of their little paws and put them in your toybox. The contents of my purse are none of your business. You have a broken leg and it's very pitiful, but I've started to figure out when you're playing up the limp, so save it.
Also: I got you some little pet stairs so you could get on the bed by yourself. Yes, it is polite to ask permission, but climbing the stairs and woofing at me until I invite you onto the bed is getting old.

Love,
Me

Hmm, I think Kelso and my Morty are in cahoots.  Morty's got some arthritis; the only times he limps is when it's really damp out or there is a sympathetic eye out.  He loves to turn it on around children and mature ladies with food.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Chinchillazilla on April 09, 2010, 02:58:10 PM
Hmm, I think Kelso and my Morty are in cahoots.  Morty's got some arthritis; the only times he limps is when it's really damp out or there is a sympathetic eye out.  He loves to turn it on around children and mature ladies with food.

Kelso's limp is especially bad if you've just scolded him for doing something he's not supposed to do. Suddenly he's hobbling around, giving you sad eyes and tucking his broken tail between his legs.  ::)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: POF on April 09, 2010, 03:01:33 PM
When we put a bandana on Daisy Ducks collar - not on her neck - the kind that slide on her collar. She did a very dramatic I'm crippled and can't walk thing where she took a step and fell to the floor and shambled around. Wished I'd had my video handy.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MizB on April 09, 2010, 03:57:51 PM
Dear Toby:

I like it when you lay next to my rolling chair instead of behind it. That way I do not unintentionally roll on you. Also, please don't try to eat the other doggies we see on our walks. You are 25 lbs, they are closer to 80, you will be eaten first.

Love,
Mommie
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kennedar on April 09, 2010, 08:05:35 PM
Hee, Del Piero's a great name for a pup! Is he a black and white dog? Azzurri loved footballs when she was a pup. I wanted to call my other dog "Milan" when I got her but she was such a tiny scrap. I ended up calling her Kira for Kira Nerys on DS9.

Meeka is white, although DH is threatening to decorate our babies nursery in soccer gear when we have a baby. Meeks is totally into footballs, her favorite toy is yellow bouncy one that carries around the house at all times. He loves you picture btw!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on April 11, 2010, 12:54:50 PM
Dear Dog,
Yes I know it's exciting that you've seen the-dog-who-lives-next-door for the first time this year.  However, you've known this dog (and his people too!) for two years now.  It's not necessary to woof at them extensively, nor is it necessary to race up and down the fence to prove that this is your land, not his.  Also, don't woof at me when I drag you inside; I'm not the one displaying bad manners here!

Love,
Your irritated owner
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Carnation on April 11, 2010, 01:04:48 PM
Dear old beloved arthritic large breed dog.

I don't mind literally carrying you up and down the stairs for potty breaks, but it aggrieves me that you can suddenly find the strength and energy run down the street to go after, with ill intent, the dog belonging to the unfriendly neighbor.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Missyanthrope on April 11, 2010, 10:31:02 PM
Dear Slinky...

It breaks my heart to see you grow so old and grey.  I wish I knew what caused your blindness, and I wish I could cure it.  I miss seeing you chase your brother in circles around the house, scare the squirrels in the backyard, and try to catch birds as they flew through the yard.  However...

You eat the same dog food your brother does.  And we arent talking the cheap grocery store stuff, but the stuff we have to trek to the vet every month to get and pay for with parts of our bank account and bits of our soul.  Why have you recently started passing gas like crazy?  Good Lord, dog...even the cat is now avoiding you.

Stop "sharking" around the house and eating anything that brushes up against your nose and even remotely can be construed as food in your mind.  That last thing you ate was a bead from your little human sister's broken bracelet.  And its getting weird cleaning up your multi-colored poop after you eat her crayons.

Its sweet that you want to be where I am, but must it be all the time?  My armchair was comfy when it was just me.  Add you and the belly full of babies I got going, and its downright claustraphobic now.  Daddy loves you, too...and HE has the chair and a half.  Go sit with him!!!


Dear Dinky...

I love you, but if I had understood that being a purebred would mean you were a stupid as a rock I wouldnt have paid so much for you.  Honey, I have socks that are smarter than you are.  I love you, my special needs child.  If they made a helmet in your size I'd buy it for you just so people would understand why you are the way you are.

Leave the dang blasted cat alone.  She doesnt care about the household hierarchy, havent you figured that out?  If I can handle her looking down on me surely you can get over your issues, hmm?

You are NOT starving to death.  In fact you are a wee bit pudgy.  This is why you are not allowed to eat whatever, whenever, and however you wish.  Stop stealing your sister dog's food, the cat's food, and our food.  It is NOT endearing to leave a plate of food on the table only to find you have used your long little weenie dog body to stand up VERTICALLY and pull it off the table.  I do not find it cute that you have figured out of you follow your human sister around the house and harass her she will drop what she is eating so you can glom onto it.

On the weight subject, lets discuss why we are so very mean to you.  Do you realize the last time you hurt your back it cost us several thousand dollars to fix you?  The weight isnt helping.  You WILL lose weight, as I cannot afford to have you fixed again.  I am sooo mean, I know.

Oh, and from now on your are going out on a leash on trash day.  Both the neighbors and I are tired of cleaning up after your gastronomical "Tour De Neighborhood".

Stop stealth licking me.  You know I dont like it, you know I have NEVER liked it.  Trying to sneak in a lick in the middle of the night to the bottom of my foot is only going to end in you getting kicked when I scream and start thrashing.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bratski on April 11, 2010, 11:45:39 PM
Dear Bruno,

You are a handsome doggie and yes everyone does love you. However, not everyone who comes over is here for you. So you don't need to keep nudging the new person to let them know that yes they are worthy of petting you, no need to be shy. If they want to pet you, they will. Right now they have to go wring out their pantsleg from all the drool, so I guess those pets will have to wait. Please stop looking at me like I drove away your adoring fan, you have plenty more, go drool on them.

Also the delivery man is not bringing the food for you and I don't think standing on the porch woofing at him will get him to give you the food. All you are doing is scaring the poor man. Please don't make me drag you into the house, I promise you can have some fries.

I love that you freak out when I come home in the morning and that you love me so much that I can't move 6 inches away from you without being nudged. But I have to get the kids off to school and you know after they've gone you get to snuggle next to me and have your belly rubbed until my hand goes numb.

You get fed three times a day. You know this, so please stop flinging your food dish around the kitchen. Also, just because I am filling up your water bowl doesn't mean I am filling up your food dish as well. Running to the pantry and woofing then running to your dish and flinging it is annoying. You are getting too heavy and I want to keep you around as long as I can.

You are getting old Bruno and your hearing has started to go. I guess that's why I caught you sleeping on the couch three days running. Although you did have a perfect "Oh crap she caught me" look on your face that made me wish I had a camera.

Love,
Your drool soaked mom

(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt31/Bratski/2008_0402Image0005.jpg),
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Cyradis on April 11, 2010, 11:50:41 PM
Hee, Del Piero's a great name for a pup! Is he a black and white dog? Azzurri loved footballs when she was a pup. I wanted to call my other dog "Milan" when I got her but she was such a tiny scrap. I ended up calling her Kira for Kira Nerys on DS9.

Meeka is white, although DH is threatening to decorate our babies nursery in soccer gear when we have a baby. Meeks is totally into footballs, her favorite toy is yellow bouncy one that carries around the house at all times. He loves you picture btw!

Azzurri would butt her footballs around the front yard :D A football nursery would be too adorable! Is Juventus breaking his heart this season like Milan is breaking mine?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: hobish on April 12, 2010, 12:49:21 AM

Dear Jayna,

I love you. I really do. That does not mean i want to sleep with your butt in my face. Please find another way to cuddle.


P.S. If you could stop farting under the covers that would be cool, too. I know Alpha and i always blame you, but you don't need to prove anything. We all know you are just a scapegoat.

Hugs with all paws,
the other one

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on April 12, 2010, 06:41:27 AM
Dear Smokey,
Another letter, dog.  How many of these will I have to write?

In any case, this is more of a reminder than anything else.  When the people let you out at night, it's because they feel you might need to go potty.  It is not very nice to promptly lay down and try to go to sleep outside when the people let you out.  It's also not very nice to refuse to get back up, and make your dad go get you.  Please don't do this anymore.  You can be flat inside as much as you want, just don't be flat outside late at night!

Love,
your people
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Kendo_Bunny on April 12, 2010, 08:25:12 AM
Dear Dog:

I know you like to munch on tree branches. It's even kind of cute to see you trotting past with a stick bigger than your entire body in your mouth. However, when that trot changes to gallop, you have a tendency to kneecap the people, and we don't like that. If you keep on whacking us in the knees with tree branches, we are going to put them all in the woodchipper, and then you'll have to take your daily wood pulp supplement in gelatin capsules.

Sincerely,
The Management
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Kimblee on April 12, 2010, 11:22:45 AM
Dear Bean Dog,

Geeze you're cute. But when you choose to sleep with Grandpa, you gotta sleep with Grandpa, not sleep with him until 4:00 a.m., then come crying at my door to come spend the rest of the night with me.

Although I probably don't help matters by letting you in, huh?

Love,

Kimmie
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Chinchillazilla on April 12, 2010, 09:20:47 PM
PHOEBE.

YOU JUST ATE A PAIR OF GLASSES. YOU ATE. A PAIR. OF GLASSES. THEY WERE NOT CHEAP.

ARRRGH.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: hobish on April 12, 2010, 09:45:22 PM
PHOEBE.

YOU JUST ATE A PAIR OF GLASSES. YOU ATE. A PAIR. OF GLASSES. THEY WERE NOT CHEAP.

ARRRGH.

Arrrgh, yeah, sorry.
Jayna had a pretty big chewing phase. We thought it was over so we didn't think anything of leaving the GPS sitting on a table. Wrong! ...at least i don't need the GPS to see, though. I hope you can get them replaced.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Chinchillazilla on April 12, 2010, 09:48:19 PM
Yeah, they'll get replaced. They're not the biggest loss in the world, because she's already chewed them, but this time she destroyed a lens.

They're not mine, thank goodness (though she's gotten mine in the past).  ::)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: AnnaT on April 13, 2010, 12:08:50 AM
My sister's dog, Max, ate a $600 spa pool cover and a leather sofa, the kids t-shirts (while they were still on said kids), sneakers, my fluffy winter slippers (actually that was kind of funny considering I was wearing them at the time), cricket balls (just the leather outside), the outside hose (that will teach it to spray him), the water pistol (was being used to correct these behaviours - and didn't that work well :rolleyes: ) and various other things - but he's still so cuuutee!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: sparklestar on April 13, 2010, 03:16:10 AM
My sister's dog, Max, ate a $600 spa pool cover and a leather sofa, the kids t-shirts (while they were still on said kids), sneakers, my fluffy winter slippers (actually that was kind of funny considering I was wearing them at the time), cricket balls (just the leather outside), the outside hose (that will teach it to spray him), the water pistol (was being used to correct these behaviours - and didn't that work well :rolleyes: ) and various other things - but he's still so cuuutee!
That's why the cute ones are so badly behaved - we love them too much!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Carnation on April 13, 2010, 12:57:43 PM
Dear Old Arthritic Dog that had to be carried up and down the stairs:

Rest in peace, Dear Girl. :'(
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MizB on April 13, 2010, 01:26:57 PM
Dear Old Arthritic Dog that had to be carried up and down the stairs:

Rest in peace, Dear Girl. :'(


HUUUUUUUUUUUUGS
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bellantara on April 13, 2010, 01:30:08 PM
Dear Old Arthritic Dog that had to be carried up and down the stairs:

Rest in peace, Dear Girl. :'(

(((Hugs))) She's running all over Heaven now.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfqueen13 on April 13, 2010, 01:35:11 PM
Dear Old Arthritic Dog that had to be carried up and down the stairs:

Rest in peace, Dear Girl. :'(

*hugs*
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Amava on April 13, 2010, 01:46:36 PM
Dear Old Arthritic Dog that had to be carried up and down the stairs:

Rest in peace, Dear Girl. :'(
This made me cry. I'm so sorry for your loss, Carnation.
Hugs!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: otterwoman on April 13, 2010, 04:11:07 PM
Dear Old Arthritic Dog that had to be carried up and down the stairs:

Rest in peace, Dear Girl. :'(

I'm sorry for your loss...

*hug*
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kennedar on April 13, 2010, 06:11:36 PM
*Hugs* I am so sorry
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Kimblee on April 13, 2010, 06:55:09 PM
Dear Old Arthritic Dog that had to be carried up and down the stairs:

Rest in peace, Dear Girl. :'(

I'm sorry for your loss...

*hug*

Ditto.

*big squishy hug*

My big girl sends wet fat lab kisses.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Carnation on April 13, 2010, 07:54:13 PM
Thanks to all of you, for your kind words.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: magdalena on April 14, 2010, 12:55:12 AM
Carnation:
hugs from me and slobbery kisses and leans from the lab.
So sorry for you loss.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: nalapuppy on April 14, 2010, 01:53:43 PM
Dear Hemi,

Just like I told you in my last letter -- you cannot fit through the cat door!  Please quit trying. 

I still love you, and your sad puppy eyes.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: ShieldMaiden on April 15, 2010, 08:27:16 AM
Dear Pilsner,

Why do you insist on waking mummy and daddy up ten minutes before our alarms go off?  You know we'll let you out as soon as we get up....why can't you just give us those measly ten minutes?  Your mummy and daddy will be eternally gratefull.

Love,
Mummy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: guihong on April 15, 2010, 08:38:34 AM
I'm very sorry, Carnation :(. 

gui
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on April 15, 2010, 10:43:37 AM
Dear Pilsner,

Why do you insist on waking mummy and daddy up ten minutes before our alarms go off?  You know we'll let you out as soon as we get up....why can't you just give us those measly ten minutes?  Your mummy and daddy will be eternally gratefull.

Love,
Mummy

Dear Smokey:
Look, you are not the only dog that does this!  However, I'd like you to learn from Pilsner's example; he only tries to wake his humans up 10 minutes before the alarm, not 45 minutes!  If you could work on this, it'd be great.  I'm tired of accidentally smacking your nose in the dark when I check and see what time it is. 

Love,
your very tired person
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Giggity on April 19, 2010, 01:08:53 PM
Dear Salty:

Please ask your dad if you can come visit me. I miss you, my little Boston boy.

Love always,

Your absentee mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: POF on April 19, 2010, 02:03:16 PM
Dear Daisy Duck .....

well you gave me quite the scare. I'm not sure what you put in your mouth ... but it didn't agree with you. Was it a bee, or another bug ? Was it a toad ( they do not like to be picked up ! - I know you are no biting them .... just transporting .... but they DO NOT LIKE IT ).

Whatever it was - your poor little face swelled up HUGE. Your eyes swelled shut, your snout ballooned up and we got to visit the Emergency Vet.  Of course you liked visiting the ER Vet ... because everything is fun to you.

I was afraid you would stop breathing. So - please do not do this again. I saw you hunting toads this AM. Leave them alone..... please ........
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: readingchick on April 19, 2010, 02:07:57 PM
Dear Miss Maddie:

I know you enjoy watching for those little furry critters with those long bushy tails. I know you enjoy barking at them when they show up and chatter at you. Those furry critters are just too fast for you. Seriously. You can't catch them.

Love,

One of your humans
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bellantara on April 19, 2010, 02:09:45 PM
Dear Boss' Dog,

The cats are not amused by you.  They do not want to play.  If you keep it up, there will be puppy strips all over the floor.


You have been warned.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: demarco on April 19, 2010, 03:03:21 PM
(((Hugs))) Carnation. 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: rashea on April 19, 2010, 03:29:15 PM
Dear Miss Maddie:

I know you enjoy watching for those little furry critters with those long bushy tails. I know you enjoy barking at them when they show up and chatter at you. Those furry critters are just too fast for you. Seriously. You can't catch them.

Love,

One of your humans

Hey Maddie, get your humans to take you to a university. They often have really fat slow fuzzies.

Jake
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on April 19, 2010, 03:42:10 PM
Dear Smokey,
What was up with you this morning?  You are an evil, evil dog!  First, you behaved nicely when your dad took care of you, even though you usually don't behave when I take care of you in the morning.  I guess dad was enough of a novelty in the morning that you didn't think you could get away with anything. 
Then, when I took you to doggie daycare, you bolted out the car door and ran off to explore.  At least you came when I called you, but it took you five minutes to come.  After that, you stepped on the box of donuts I was bringing for the saintly people at doggie daycare who put up with you all day.  That wasn't very nice!  I hope playing today tires you out; I  don't even want to imagine what you'll be like tonight!

Love,
your very confused mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitty-cat on April 19, 2010, 04:21:43 PM
Dear Tessie,

I don't really like you too much except for snuggles, but you have 2-3 people who do like you. I would like you too if you would just stop barking at every. single. sound. outside of our apartment. And I'm pretty sure the neighbors would like it too...


Thank you,
The one who gives you chicken!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on April 20, 2010, 07:50:50 AM
Dear Bonny,

Leave your sister alone.  She will rip you to pieces, and when she's done, I'm not putting you back together.  And leave your smaller brother alone too - it's weirding me out to hear a cat growl like that. 

Oh, and thank you for not peeing all over the entry way floor the last few nights.  Way to go!

Love,
Mommy


Dear Jack,

Good boy!  We're so proud of how well you try to protect your new sister and be a good role model. 

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: snowfire on April 20, 2010, 09:49:56 AM
Dear Muffy the Shih Tsu,

I know you just want to play with my kitties.  However, even the smallest one outweighs you and they are fully armed. Scooter does not have a sense of humor and would just as soon fillet you as look at you.

If you want to keep all your bodily parts intact, please don't chase the kitties.

Love,

Your Neighbor
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: siamesecat2965 on April 20, 2010, 08:10:40 PM
To my doggie nephew and his sister, who I take care of when mommy and daddy go away:

Names changed to protect the innocent:

Dear DN:

I know you are old, and have some, um, digestive issues, but I would really appreciate it if you could hold your gas, and not let fly as I'm walking up the stairs RIGHT BEHIND you....Its really not pleasant at all.

You get your treat every night at the same time.  headbutting me an hour and a half before that time WILL not make me get up and give it to you any earlier, you;ll just have to wait.

To the both of you - I know you have to go out and do your business when you wake up, but I am the boss, so no one goes out, until I go first! 

Love,
Aunt Siamesecat

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kennedar on April 21, 2010, 08:10:20 PM
Dear Meeka

I love you to death, but you really need to come to bed at the same time as Daddy and I and sleep through the night. Last night when you started wanting to play every half hour for the whole night. Daddy and I do not want to play during the night! We would be much cheerier if you slept through the night and far more willing the throw the ball for you!

Love

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Alida on April 25, 2010, 11:33:44 PM
Dear Orion:

You've had to spend the weekend boarding at the vet since Mommy couldn't bring you to DC with her and Grandma is afraid you'll run away on her. I know it is your favoritest place in the world next to snuggling with The Girl in bed*, but I sure do miss you!

Love,
Mommy

*It really is! Orion perks up and his tail wags so hard when anyone says the word "vet", I expect him to take off.  I think it's because my little bruiser loves the other dogs and all the attention that he gets from the staff there.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: rashea on April 25, 2010, 11:57:54 PM
Dear Orion:

You've had to spend the weekend boarding at the vet since Mommy couldn't bring you to DC with her and Grandma is afraid you'll run away on her. I know it is your favoritest place in the world next to snuggling with The Girl in bed*, but I sure do miss you!

Love,
Mommy

*It really is! Orion perks up and his tail wags so hard when anyone says the word "vet", I expect him to take off.  I think it's because my little bruiser loves the other dogs and all the attention that he gets from the staff there.

We call it "sleep away camp" but then, the place Jake goes has doggie daycare, which means he runs all day long. Though the first time the staff was a bit confused when he tried to curl up in their laps and take a nap.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: tomato`987 on July 21, 2010, 10:04:14 PM
Dear Max,

please behave for your mom, she is trying very hard to be ok with getting you a play mate, and please try not to be so sad it makes all of us sad too. please do not try and be friends with the boxer, he can eat you in one bite, and please eat your dog food it's good for you i promise

Love,
Your human sister
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Little Jo on July 22, 2010, 03:48:06 PM
Dearest most adorable Scamps
I know that you think you're a great Dane but you are a shih tzu honey, therefore that big dog next door could eat you for breakies.
Also if you jump on a frog it gets squished barking at it won't reanimate it so you can do it again.

Dearest Gizmo
I know you love water but its not necessary to try and swim in every body of water, some are too small and others are too fast flowing, also I know chasing chickens is great fun but the chickens don't like it and neither does grandma.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on July 22, 2010, 04:04:11 PM
Dear Orion:

You've had to spend the weekend boarding at the vet since Mommy couldn't bring you to DC with her and Grandma is afraid you'll run away on her. I know it is your favoritest place in the world next to snuggling with The Girl in bed*, but I sure do miss you!

Love,
Mommy

*It really is! Orion perks up and his tail wags so hard when anyone says the word "vet", I expect him to take off.  I think it's because my little bruiser loves the other dogs and all the attention that he gets from the staff there.

We refer to Smokey's boarding place as "The Favorite Place", because as soon as you tell him he's going there, he bounces up, and runs around like a crazy dog, barking and demanding that we go *NOW NOW NOW*.  It's quite funny.  At least we never have to worry about problems when we go away...
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: eport on July 22, 2010, 04:39:09 PM
Dear Scotty,

My pony tail is not a chew toy.

Thank you.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mbbored on July 22, 2010, 08:32:51 PM
Dear Falcor,

You are the cutest thing in the world when you sit down reach up with your front paws to give me ten.  It makes me want to eat you up.

You chewing a toy to death, burying it, digging it back up, chewing on it more then dropping it into my lap?  The most disgusting part of my day, and I work with animal carcasses that have been left out for a few days.  Seriously, get a new hobby.

Love,
me
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MizB on July 22, 2010, 10:17:48 PM
Dear Falcor

I love that your dog's name is Falcor. After my shih tsu started to get older I had wished I had thought of that as a name.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Information_queen on July 22, 2010, 10:34:24 PM
Dear Mudkips,

You are housetrained. We both know it. So the accidents have got to stop. I know you know how to tell me you need to go out.

It is especially annoying when we take you out, you pee, and then you ask to go out again, and you pee, and *then* we find the present you left for us on the living room carpet. Seriously? How hard is it to just ask if you need to go? I know you can because you apparently asked to go out right after you left us the lovely present!

Also, when you spend the weekend with Mommy's friend, it is generally considered polite *not* to attack her dog and pin her to the ground by the neck while she's trying to eat.

Mommy would really appreciate it if you would stop doing things that make her contemplate dropping you off at the nearest animal shelter.

Love,
She Who is Not Going to be Patient Much Longer
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mbbored on July 22, 2010, 11:20:37 PM
Dear Falcor

I love that your dog's name is Falcor. After my shih tsu started to get older I had wished I had thought of that as a name.

Random strangers on the street call my dog Falcor, it's almost frightening how much he looks like the original
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MizB on July 23, 2010, 12:32:56 AM
Dear Falcor

I love that your dog's name is Falcor. After my shih tsu started to get older I had wished I had thought of that as a name.

Random strangers on the street call my dog Falcor, it's almost frightening how much he looks like the original

What kind of dog is he?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: girlysprite on July 23, 2010, 01:58:13 AM
Dear Dog Pack...

Do your memories last as long as that guy's memory in memento?

(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/song-chart-memes-happy-dog.jpg?w=504&h=473)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mbbored on July 23, 2010, 09:20:36 AM
Dear Falcor

I love that your dog's name is Falcor. After my shih tsu started to get older I had wished I had thought of that as a name.

Random strangers on the street call my dog Falcor, it's almost frightening how much he looks like the original

What kind of dog is he?

I know he's half clumber spaniel.  As for the other half, common guesses are shepherd, golden or lab.  Basically, picture one of these:

http://www.breederretriever.com/photopost/showphoto.php/photo/428

but with longer legs, narrower chest and shorter hair.  He's about 65 pounds, which is pretty small for a clumber.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MizB on July 23, 2010, 09:51:14 AM
Falcor is precious!!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfmama on July 23, 2010, 10:06:51 AM
OK, I'm missing the reference.  Who or what is Falcor, other than some sort of dog? ???
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfqueen13 on July 23, 2010, 10:09:29 AM
OK, I'm missing the reference.  Who or what is Falcor, other than some sort of dog? ???

It's from The Neverending Story.  (Google Images is your friend :) )
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: POF on July 23, 2010, 10:24:32 AM
Dear Duckie ( AKA as Daisy Duck )

Mommy is trying very hard to get into shape. Sometimes that means walking you / running with you. But sometimes - I need to do some floor exercises.  I know you are trying to help - but when you come over and throw your 60lb self on my back when I am doing pushups.... it makes me say bad words and fall on the floor.  Surprises are nice NINJA attacks are not.

Oh - you are not allowed to sleep on my bed. Also - you are not invisible..... I can see you in the bed. I actually feel you laying on TOP of me. Let's talk when i get home tonight.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Redsoil on July 23, 2010, 11:12:43 AM
Dear Miss Yuk,

There's a reason for your name, you know.  Doesn't mean you have to justify it further by rolling in the dead cow up the paddock.  Ick. 

Mum.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kschmid5 on July 23, 2010, 11:25:35 AM
Dear Thumper and Nibbler,

the baby is NOT for licking.  I see you trying to sneak up and like his toes when I'm feeding him. I am not amused. I know you eat poop, and I would like the baby to stay doggie-poop free for a bit.  Ditto on licking his head. So not cool.

Speaking of poop. You are both trained to go outside.  We built a special doggie door and a track through the garage to accommodate this very special trick.  Use it. The fact that it is dark outside, or that the grass is wet, is not an invitation to poop in the kitchen. Mommy likes her kitchen to smell clean... not of doggie poop or pee.  Mommy will forgive the annoying licking if you stop using indoors as a toilet.

Finally, I know how food motivated the two of you are.  Daddy will give you scraps. Go bother him. Don't try to sneak cheese off my plate when I'm having a snack (or dinner) after the baby has gone to sleep.  The fact that you are in range of my food does not make it your food. If you're good, I'll give you pieces of chicken and cheese in your bowl.  Just leave mine alone please.  Ditto for glasses of water.  You have a whole bowl of water, don't try to tip mine over for the novelty of "my" water. It's from the same tap!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfqueen13 on July 23, 2010, 11:29:15 AM
Dear Old Dog: You almost had Grandma convinced that you are ancient and arthritic.  She called me, very concerned about your supposed difficulties navigating the stairs.  Too bad she called right after you were jumping around to earn a piece of biscuit.

Busted!

Love,
Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfmama on July 23, 2010, 11:42:02 AM
But you were gone ALL DAY, Elfqueen!!!  Poor Old Dog, Abandoned and Bereft (and probably Starving to Death), had to depend on Grandma to let him out.  :)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on July 23, 2010, 01:29:01 PM
Dear Dog,

I know you're not a mental giant, but you should still be intelligent enough to understand that A) you're not going to come under attack in the back yard and B) regardless of the possibility of said attack, the people are still totally capable of dragging you outside.  Please go outside without fighting us.

Love,
your people
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: PeasNCues on July 23, 2010, 02:00:21 PM
Dear Scotch,

You have to get up when we get up. I know 0600 is early, but when we try to put you outside in the morning because we're going to be gone most of the day and you wag your tail at us and roll away as you are still trying to sleep, it's frustrating.

Also, you are 70lbs. Please do not sit on us and watch where you step. Thanks

Furthermore, just because it's alcohol, doesn't mean it's yours. This habit of knocking people's glasses, spilling their drinking on them and then licking it off is making us think maybe you need to be enrolled in some kind of program.

Lastely, we've decided you're cute. Don't let it go to your head.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: DistantStar on July 23, 2010, 02:47:16 PM
Ooh!  I have an aunt who has two Clumbers.

If I ever have one I'll have to consider calling it Falcor; I never thought of the reference before, but it fits!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: siamesecat2965 on July 23, 2010, 04:34:25 PM
Dear Miss Yuk,

There's a reason for your name, you know.  Doesn't mean you have to justify it further by rolling in the dead cow up the paddock.  Ick. 

Mum.

hehehe - this made me laugh.  what kind of dog is Miss Yuk?  I'm thinking terrier....
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jayhawk on July 23, 2010, 04:40:21 PM
Dear Max:

I admire your "hope spring eternal" attitude, but really, I don't think you'll ever catch the squirrels in the backyard.  BTW - they're teasing you on purpose, you realize that, don't you?  I guess not.

Another item, the sidewalk is for anyone to use, even if they have a doggie, too.  They are not invading your property.

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Information_queen on July 23, 2010, 04:48:49 PM
Dear Duckie ( AKA as Daisy Duck )

Mommy is trying very hard to get into shape. Sometimes that means walking you / running with you. But sometimes - I need to do some floor exercises.  I know you are trying to help - but when you come over and throw your 60lb self on my back when I am doing pushups.... it makes me say bad words and fall on the floor.  Surprises are nice NINJA attacks are not.

Oh - you are not allowed to sleep on my bed. Also - you are not invisible..... I can see you in the bed. I actually feel you laying on TOP of me. Let's talk when i get home tonight.

You should probably not come to my house and do your pushups. My dog is of the opinion that people lying on the floor are merely lumpy pieces of carpet and he treats them accordingly. My MIL once got down on the floor to do pushups and found herself being used as a springboard for 10lbs of puppy. And at the high speeds said puppy can achieve, 10lbs feels like a great deal more when he plows into you.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfmama on July 23, 2010, 09:26:35 PM
Dear Dog,

I know that on the rare occasions when you get put out on the chain instead of running free in the backyard, you try to run anyway.  And that this makes you wrap the chain around the tree or the clothesline pole. I know that somewhere deep in the recesses of your doggy brain, you have reasoned "I've run around the tree and my chain is now shorter.  Maybe I'd better run around the tree again." But, dear dog, the way to unwrap yourself is to run in the opposite direction, not the same direction again.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Redsoil on July 24, 2010, 05:52:21 AM
Siamesecat - she's a Kelpie, and is quite mad!   ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MizB on July 24, 2010, 02:16:44 PM
Dear Toby,

Grandma is not the only person in the house capable of holding you. She does not want to hold you every time she is standing still. Please bug Mommie for all of this attention, I promise I want to spoil you rotten with attention. Also, we are not depriving you of table scraps because we don't love you, but because we do. Eating them causes all sorts of health problems for little doggies.

Love
Mommie
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Peggy Gus on July 24, 2010, 02:36:11 PM
Dear DonVito,
   It's not funny to come up and burp directly in my face, I know you came through 3 rooms to specifically burp in my face. (My husband always burped in their face when they were both puppies and now they do it, he thought it was hilarious ::). I have no idea how they have retained that info when everything else went in one ear and out the other. Yes my husband is a pig.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kennedar on July 24, 2010, 03:23:06 PM
Dear DonVito,
   It's not funny to come up and burp directly in my face, I know you came through 3 rooms to specifically burp in my face. (My husband always burped in their face when they were both puppies and now they do it, he thought it was hilarious ::). I have no idea how they have retained that info when everything else went in one ear and out the other. Yes my husband is a pig.

Our dog does this as well!! We decided that she would never be so rude as to burp in our face, so she must be telling us "thanks for dinner, I love you". Blarg (the sound she makes) is now one of our codes for "I love you"
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfmama on July 24, 2010, 03:25:44 PM
Dear Cat

I'm very sorry, but the only way we have to move around the house is to walk.  I realize that it annoys you to have people walking on your own personal floor, but we have never learned to hover six inches above it.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Eisa on July 24, 2010, 07:18:57 PM
Dear Max,

I'm sorry, I understand that you miss Mommy and Daddy. But they're coming home tomorrow or Monday. They did not go and leave you forever. You do not have to pine around the house all day. What am I, chopped liver? I can feed you, water you, let you out, play with you, and give you treats just like they do. Particularly since I live here. :P

That being said, I'm sorry you're so miserable and missing them. *cuddle*

Love, Me
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: siamesecat2965 on July 24, 2010, 08:55:34 PM
Dear Miss Diva,
I know you're sad and missing your buddy, and that's why you feel the need to be in my face all the time.  I'm ok with that, really, but I'm not ok with you sneezing in my face, so when you feel one coming on, I'd appreciate it if you could turn your head the other way.

And yes, mommy and daddy will be home on Monday!

Love Siamesecat
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mbbored on July 25, 2010, 01:20:40 AM
Dear Falcor,

It's bad enough that you harass cats on our night walks, but snarling and lunging towards a raccoon?  That almost gave me a heart attack.  Back to the trainers with you.

Love,
Someone who does not want rabies
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Alida on August 08, 2010, 10:32:41 PM
Dear Orion:

When you have to pass gas, is it really necessary to lay across the back of the couch so you are level with my nose? Really, my dearest doggie, Mommy doesn't need to pass out!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfmama on August 08, 2010, 11:32:26 PM
Dear Elfgranddog:

When Grandma lets you out of the back door to pee, do NOT a) hide, or b) wiggle under the fence for a run in the woods next door.  Either of those things causes Grandma to freak out when she can't find you.  This is why, poor abused doggie, you got put on the cable run the next 17 times you absolutely HAD to pee this afternoon, instead of being allowed to romp through the half-acre back yard.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Tashigi on January 30, 2011, 10:19:26 PM
Dear Fluffball of Doom,

If you don't stop with this nonsense (laissez-faire bathroom habits, raiding my stash of sweets, crying for attention at dawn), you will be made into a hat.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: dman on January 30, 2011, 10:42:43 PM
Dear Fluffball of Doom,

If you don't stop with this nonsense (laissez-faire bathroom habits, raiding my stash of sweets, crying for attention at dawn), you will be made into a hat.

Too funny!!  We were just contmplating turning the Chi into a hat today!

I don't know how to post a picture but this is what we were talking about. (hope this works)
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?page_id=9798&paged=2
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: L.A. Lady on January 30, 2011, 10:50:24 PM
Dear Beethoven,

I've tried to explain this to you many times. Hopefully this is the last.
In order for me to make money to buy you dog food and a warm bed to sleep in, I have to leave you alone for a few hours a day and go to this thing called a "job." I know your lazy butt does not understand "job" but trust me, it's the only way I can make money. Legally, that is. ;D
Please stop crying when I leave.
Thanks
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitty-cat on January 30, 2011, 10:56:32 PM
Dear dogs:

Tessie, you have lived in a unit before. Why must you bark at ever little sound from the neighbors?

Yogi: Granted, you are missing some brain cells, however; even though you can reach the counters (and that's why the bread is on top of the fridge now) just because my Ramen smells good please DO NOT try to reach for it by jumping up beside me, front paws on the counter. Ramen on the stove is HOT.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MizB on January 30, 2011, 11:18:40 PM
Dear Toby,

I miss you and wish you could come live with me, Alas you cannot. However, when mommy comes home for a visit she would rather you let her hug and squish you as opposed to playful don't pick me ups dog.

That is all.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Eisa on January 30, 2011, 11:51:03 PM
Dear Max,

I wish there was some minuscule chance of passing you off as a service dog so I could smuggle you into my dorm room. :D

Alas, you are loud, rambunctious, and you virtually knock people over. :P

Also, it's not like I can stuff you under my jacket when you're a German Shepherd.

But still, it would be nice. You could guard my room. ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Tashigi on January 30, 2011, 11:55:18 PM
Dear Fluffball of Doom,

If you don't stop with this nonsense (laissez-faire bathroom habits, raiding my stash of sweets, crying for attention at dawn), you will be made into a hat.

Too funny!!  We were just contmplating turning the Chi into a hat today!

I don't know how to post a picture but this is what we were talking about. (hope this works)
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?page_id=9798&paged=2

Well the great and annoying Fluffball is a Pomeranian. I think her tail dangling on the back would give a hat a decidedly rakish look (a la coonskin hats).
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: 567Kate on January 31, 2011, 05:57:59 PM
Dear Hounderson,

We do not have a working doorbell. We have not had a working doorbell in the year and a half you've lived with us. Maybe wherever you used to live had a doorbell, but our house does not.

Thus, when someone rings a doorbell on TV, it is completely unnecessary for you to start howling at the front door. No one is there!

Sincerely,
~567Kate

P.S. You only get dinner at dinnertime. It doesn't matter how sad you look.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MinAvi on January 31, 2011, 06:46:53 PM
Dear Bailie,

I know it is hot here.

I know you are hot.

Digging ad splashing in your huge inside waterbowl might cool you down, but it also creates a flash flood in mummy's kitchen.

Would you mind doing it in your giant outside waterbowl? I promise the water is all from the same place.

Loves and bum scratches,

Mum
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: ShieldMaiden on February 03, 2011, 04:01:33 PM
Dear Pilsner,

Thank you for the honest opinion you gave me as I was trying on my new maternity swimsuit.  You always know how to make mummy feel good.  Though something tells me you would always think that I looked nice as long as I feed you every night.

Much love,
Mum
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Information_queen on February 03, 2011, 04:20:26 PM
Dear Mudkips,

It is *just* a doorbell! It cannot hurt you. Therefore, going to Defcon 1 when it rings is not necessary. It is also not necessary to jump up so quickly that you bang your head on Mommy's face and knock her glasses off, forcing her to find her glasses while the nice UPS man waits outside wondering what sort of massacre is going on inside. It also makes Mommy think that letting you cuddle with her might be dangerous.

Also, you weigh 13 pounds soaking wet, and I am carrying you. You are not scaring anyone. Yes, I know you are trying to protect me from the evil that is knocking at the door. If I was worried, I wouldn't have opened it. Honest. Look, I closed the door; the UPS man is gone now. You can stop growling.

Please shut up now.

Love, Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 03, 2011, 04:38:31 PM
Dear Tatum,

You're very cute, and you're a very good dog, overall.  I know it's not your fault that Papa keeps leaving the screen open so you can get into the dining room when Mama's in bed, and I know there are so many fun temptations in there.  But, I also know you're a smart girl, so please, from now on, will you make sure to only steal Papa's shoes from the dining room?  Seeing as how he's the one who keeps giving you unsupervised access?  I know you've been kind enough not to do any visible damage, but I actually paid extra to get the shoes with the comfy insoles, and they just aren't the same now that you've eaten said insoles.  And I know I always complain about how ugly those fake Crocs are, but I really can't say that you chewing through the strap is an improvement.  Also, the more money I have to spend on new shoes and insoles, the less money I have for toys and puppy treats.

Also, darling pup, I realize it's futile to ask you to never roll in gross stuff again, but can you at least do it when Papa's home to clean you up?  He's used to that kind of stuff and is unfazed by it, but Mama is not.  Share the wealth, Baby!

Love,
Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Reddie321 on February 03, 2011, 04:43:17 PM
Rainha, I completely sympathize!

Bruno apparently ONLY likes my things.  He accidentally grabbed one of Archer's shoes, then dropped it once he realized it didn't smell like me.  Archer says he just misses me and chews up my shoes so I can't leave.

Bruno apparently wants me naked, too, as I routinely have to go under the bed to find a treasure trove of my laundry.  Again...only mine!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitkatswing on February 03, 2011, 06:57:56 PM
Dear Maui,

Im sorry that I hid your favourite pillow toy last night, but you know its only for upstairs and not downstairs.

I really didnt appreciate you sneaking off upstairs and stealing one of my socks to parade in front of me. Its always Dad's socks you steal not mine, so I know this was payback :)

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on February 04, 2011, 07:04:19 PM
Dear Tatum,

SCULPEY IS NOT FOOD!!!  Neither is Fimo.

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: bluedahlia on February 04, 2011, 07:30:04 PM
Dear Max,

An entire pound of butter.  No throwing up on my side of the bed this time.

Love,
The Lady
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: petal on February 05, 2011, 04:55:43 AM
Dear mad hetty

thankyou for learning, at the age of 4, to finally pee and poop outside.


when the cats bring a mouse inside the house as a present for me  (tho ive told them for years that chocs and flowers are my preferred gift)  please dont run off with the mouse and sit on my bed and lick that poor mouse till its soaked.

love
mummy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: crella on February 05, 2011, 06:49:38 AM
Dear Bob,

Please don't pretend you haven't been fed yet when Papa has already taken care of you. You might like a double breakfast, but I don't like the mess that ensues (you'd think you'd learn after the first time). Either Papa will tell me, or your tummy will, sometime in the afternoon-it's futile to think I won't find out,

your exasperated mother
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MizB on February 05, 2011, 10:25:48 AM
Bob could be related to Mr. O's dog, Lucky. She will sit and beg at her food dish even after one person has fed her, because the whole family is normally in and out so its easy for no one to know who has fed the dog.

Mr. O even has a whole joke routine down about how she will later write in her dog diary about double food.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: crella on February 05, 2011, 03:49:39 PM
That's too funny! Smart aren't they? Yesterday DH called out 'I fed the dog' right after I already put the food in Bob's dish and he was chowing down. Uh-oh, too late.  ;D Tricky little devil.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Suze on February 05, 2011, 04:05:20 PM
you need to get a magnet like the dishwasher ones that say "washed/dirty" on them only

dog has been fed
dog has not been fed

and a metal dog dish to put it on

of course then the little smart pup will figure out how to turn it around......
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Tashigi on February 05, 2011, 04:31:42 PM
Dear PC (Princess Complex):

I'm not sure whether I should be impressed or not that you associate bathrooms with "where I attend to nature's call." But seriously, stepping on one of your "presents" when I go into MY bathroom to brush my teeth or wash up is getting seriously on my nerves!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Esther_bunny on February 05, 2011, 04:37:20 PM
Dear PeytieDog,

I understand that you think dirty underwear is the best.toy.evar. But you have to wait until I take it OFF to chew it up. Running into the bathroom, grabbing it with your teeth, and attempting to tug it off of my legs while I am using the toilet will get bad results for both of us. Also, I am starting to feel a little creeped out when you watch me get undressed because you know underpants are forthcoming. Do we need to go to doggie counseling to resolve this fetish?



Thank heavens I'm not the only one!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Eisa on February 05, 2011, 08:16:40 PM
^Oh my... :o *rolls around laughing* That is creepy, yet utterly hilarious. :D

On a similar note...

Dear Max,

It is quite adorable that you like to come into the bathroom with me. On the other hand, the standing there and watching me intently is disturbing. As is the fact that as soon as I get up, you are instantly over there, sniffing at the toilet. I don't want to know what that's about.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitty-cat on July 09, 2011, 10:30:16 PM
Dear Yogi and Tessie,

I know it's dark. They call it night for a reason. Did you have to bark last night *right* as I was falling asleep? I'm sorry I left the light off....

(seriously, I was juuuusssstttt about to fall asleep last night when they started barking. Had to turn the entry light on for them to shut up)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: readingchick on July 10, 2011, 07:05:32 AM
Dear Susie:

I know you associate me with tummy rubs. I love to give you tummy rubs, but please don't flop over on your side in the middle of a major foot traffic area. We don't want to be held responsible when someone falls and hurts themselves, do we?

Love,

Your human cousin
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Reader on July 11, 2011, 01:01:25 PM
Dear Harley, my friends neurotic german shepard,

For the love of all that's holy, please quit breaking windows at your parents home.  You have already knocked an entire window out of the frame, and now have damaged the front glass panel door by adding a very large crack into it.  You also scared the post man so bad your parents had to put in a new mailbox away from the house.  No, the people walking across the street are not dangerous, they are just out for a walk.  They have already invested in a electronic fence and collar to keep you away from the rest of the windows, had to by you a shock collar as well, and now your mom just told me she had to schedule another training session.  So please quit costing them money that could be spent on toys for you if you would behave.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Sanity Lost on July 11, 2011, 01:49:09 PM
Dear Ms Daisy,

Please stop eating the boys dirty underwear; it is getting very disconcerting. Also there is a reason we lock up the cat's litter box from you and no she doesn't want to play with you. Yes, I will get you more tennis balls as soon as I have the money from replacing all the underwear. In the meantime you still have plenty in the back yard to play with.

Love Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Carnation on July 11, 2011, 06:23:27 PM
Dear Big Dog,

The water in the cat's little dish is for the cat, which it is why it is next to his dish.

It is the same tap water that is in your big giant dog dish.  It is not some rare delicacy.

It's H2O.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitkatswing on July 12, 2011, 07:43:27 PM
Dear Maui,

Although I do love waking up with you snuggling against me. When I wake up and you are THISCLOSE to me that in fact, your snout is actually resting on my face, that my dear dog, its a bit disconcerting.....

I know you love me, but please, no more sleeping on my face??? In fact, whenever you sleep with your head on my pillow and breath onto me, just dont do that anymore either too please?? :)

Thanks!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RUkidding? on July 12, 2011, 08:53:24 PM
Love this thread!!!

Dear Ms. Jasmine,

When mommy does sit-ups it is not helpful for you to stand over her with your big Weim ears hanging down and your snout in her face.  It makes mommy laugh and she  has to stop the crunches. On a related note, it hurts when you stand on her ponytail as she tries to sit up. Thank you. 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Yvaine on July 12, 2011, 09:09:38 PM
Dear Dog,

You do not need to bark at the ice cream truck. Trust me, the cute little tune alerted me to its presence. Or are you notifying me that you want ice cream?  :D

P.S. Your farts stink.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on July 12, 2011, 09:17:20 PM
Dear Dog:

You are an 80 lb Labrador.  Even my largest laundry basket does not fit you.  Please stop trying to sleep in them.  Even if they are empty at the time, and most especially when they have clean clothes in them.  Being made of plastic, they do not expand to allow all your fat to fit in them.

Thanks,
Greencat.

P.S., to the cat:  The dog crate is for the dog.  Please sleep anywhere but inside the dog crate, because I dislike crawling into the cage to retrieve you while the dog licks me and puts his nose unmentionable places.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: eclecticgrrl on July 14, 2011, 04:28:38 PM
Dear Eclecticboi'sPup -

Sometimes people like to do, you know, people things.  Which involve not having the dog barking hysterically in their ears.  In fact, at such times, barking can be considered decidedly unromantic and may, in fact, be something of a mood spoiler.  So could you please knock it off?  Also, if you get mad and decide to hide out in the bathroom and close the door behind you, I *promise* you that someone will get around to letting you out before you die of starvation and a lack of tummy rubs.  But probably not in the next five minutes so quit barking and scratching at the door.

Also, EclecticGrrl'sPup?  There's no need to stand on top of the humans at such a time and comment on technique.  Nor is this is a good time to start dragging the dirty laundry up onto my pillow.  Just saying...

Much love (and can we keep the face kissing to a minimum?  Especially in light of EB's Pup's fascination with eating poops?)

eclecticgrrl
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 14, 2011, 05:02:19 PM
Dear Doris:

Those deer are concrete. Knock it off.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitkatswing on July 18, 2011, 12:42:47 AM
Dear Maui,

Although I find it extreemly hilarious, your dad would like you to stop going to the back door to and asking to be let out, only for when he gets to the door, you bolt to his seat and make yourself comfy in his butt-warmth-seat....

He is not finding it funny, I am, imensly funny!!!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: magdalena on July 21, 2011, 10:02:50 AM
Dear Lotta,

I know you are happy Daddy is home. He knows you're happy, too. You do not have to bark your head off. Please stop.
Daddy already suspects that I have a boyfriend in here who needs to be alerted as soon as daddy's car turns into our street, so he can hide in a closet.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on July 21, 2011, 10:40:34 AM
Dear Maui,

Although I find it extreemly hilarious, your dad would like you to stop going to the back door to and asking to be let out, only for when he gets to the door, you bolt to his seat and make yourself comfy in his butt-warmth-seat....

He is not finding it funny, I am, imensly funny!!!

Dear Maui,

Please get mommy to take a video of said shenanigans and post it here for our amusement.  I also think it is extremely funny, and extremely smart!

Thanks,
Outdoor Girl

 ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitkatswing on July 26, 2011, 01:48:20 AM
Dear Maui,

Although I find it extreemly hilarious, your dad would like you to stop going to the back door to and asking to be let out, only for when he gets to the door, you bolt to his seat and make yourself comfy in his butt-warmth-seat....

He is not finding it funny, I am, imensly funny!!!

Dear Maui,

Please get mommy to take a video of said shenanigans and post it here for our amusement.  I also think it is extremely funny, and extremely smart!

Thanks,
Outdoor Girl

 ;D


I will try to remember to have the camera on the coffee table :P
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on July 26, 2011, 06:58:29 AM
Dear Matey,

We are so pleased you have taken the chickens in your stride and now don't even flap an ear at them. However - could you and Akbar please stop this staring competition every morning? It is highly amusing to watch the two of you stare at each other. But while your red spine ridge slowly stands up, (incidently, you aren't a ridgeback, you're an Aussie Cattle Dog. Why do you have a red ridge?), she's slowly fluffing her feathers and puffing up and trying to get bigger.

It's funny to watch, but we really are starting to get worried Akbar might explode one day with the effort to be bigger than you. Could the two of you stop the stare-down and take up something else? Chess, maybe?

Your vastly amused but eternally loving mum,

Fliss.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on July 26, 2011, 08:55:47 AM
Dear Smokey-dog,

Yes, I do invite you up onto the bed at night.  You get to sleep there until DH comes to bed.  He needs space on the bed too, so you have to get down and sleep in your dog bed the rest of the night.  Trying to wiggle on top of me will not save you; it will just make me throw you out of bed that much sooner.  Please stop laying on top of me!

Love,
Your squished person Dogzard
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on July 26, 2011, 11:32:34 AM
Dear Hogan,

I know you are trying to protect me, but barking at passing cars won't help. Mommy doesn't want to have an accident.

Also, the car harness is for your protection. I'll keep buying them no matter how many you eat. Seat belts are not negotiable.

Love,
Your mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: eclecticgrrl on July 26, 2011, 01:02:31 PM
Dear Matey,

We are so pleased you have taken the chickens in your stride and now don't even flap an ear at them. However - could you and Akbar please stop this staring competition every morning? It is highly amusing to watch the two of you stare at each other. But while your red spine ridge slowly stands up, (incidently, you aren't a ridgeback, you're an Aussie Cattle Dog. Why do you have a red ridge?), she's slowly fluffing her feathers and puffing up and trying to get bigger.

It's funny to watch, but we really are starting to get worried Akbar might explode one day with the effort to be bigger than you. Could the two of you stop the stare-down and take up something else? Chess, maybe?

Your vastly amused but eternally loving mum,

Fliss.

Fliss!  When you say "red ridge" do you mean that weird stripe of fur down the middle of Matey's back which is a slightly different texture and color? 

Both my guys are blue ACDs and they have a stripe of different fur in the middle of their backs that's just odd and puzzling.  Plus, Tiger (eclecticpup1) has red ears and red on his face and butt so I'm not sure if he's a blue cattledog with red spots or a red cattledog with a ton of blue...
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on July 26, 2011, 08:11:33 PM
Quote
Fliss!  When you say "red ridge" do you mean that weird stripe of fur down the middle of Matey's back which is a slightly different texture and color? 

Sort of. It's a red stripe that doesn't show normally but when he gets stirred up, it stands up and suddenly I have a red and white spotted dog with this ochre-red stripe down his spine. When he calms down, it vanishes again. It's obviously the guard hair and under-coat raising on his hackles, but it looks really weird. When he's completely troppo, it goes around his shoulders and neck as well.

Basically, we think he has a red under coat along his erectile tissue lines on his spine and shoulders. It just looks weird because it doesn't show all the time.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: EveLGenius on July 26, 2011, 10:01:46 PM
Dear Dog,

Kitty won't eat you, really- oh.  Never mind.

Sorry.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Information_queen on July 27, 2011, 07:22:59 PM
Dear Eclecticboi'sPup -

Sometimes people like to do, you know, people things.  Which involve not having the dog barking hysterically in their ears.  In fact, at such times, barking can be considered decidedly unromantic and may, in fact, be something of a mood spoiler.  So could you please knock it off?  Also, if you get mad and decide to hide out in the bathroom and close the door behind you, I *promise* you that someone will get around to letting you out before you die of starvation and a lack of tummy rubs.  But probably not in the next five minutes so quit barking and scratching at the door.

Also, EclecticGrrl'sPup?  There's no need to stand on top of the humans at such a time and comment on technique.  Nor is this is a good time to start dragging the dirty laundry up onto my pillow.  Just saying...

Much love (and can we keep the face kissing to a minimum?  Especially in light of EB's Pup's fascination with eating poops?)

eclecticgrrl

This is the real reason dog crates were invented.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Information_queen on July 27, 2011, 07:28:47 PM
Dear Mudkips,

1) It's like a 1000 degrees outside. Learn to use a litter box.

2) Since you haven't learned to use a litter box, and I still have to go outside with you, please stop barking at the empty upstairs balcony. I do not know why it is evil today, but there's nobody there.

3) Yes, I know the upstairs neighbors are loud. I can hear them, too; I don't need your help. And yes, I know they have a dog. And that you don't like Sadie, which makes me sad, because I think she is probably very nice. And I really really don't need to know every single time they take Sadie outside. And I certainly don't need to be alerted by ear-drum shattering barks.

4) Some days, it is a really good thing you're cute.

Love,

Your slave Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on July 27, 2011, 07:44:22 PM
Dear Ariel,

THANK YOU for no longer trying to escape from the backyard several times per day! That's great!

However, you REALLY don't need to wake up at dawn, about an hour before Mommy needs to get up. Woofing  and carrying on and waking up your brothers (sound asleep  on the bed!), is really unnecessary. Particularly since you go up to bed and go to sleep at about 9pm. Could you go  to bed later and get Mommy up later? I *KNOW* the squirrels get up early, but you can still chase them when Mommy gets up  and lets you out.

Dr. F.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: PeasNCues on August 01, 2011, 02:58:32 PM
Dear Scotch,

ShieldBaby is not going to attack you (yet). She is currently only as mobile as the person carrying her.

Please stop running away when you see her. It's pretty pathetic.

Thanks!
PeasNCues
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: lady_disdain on August 01, 2011, 05:32:22 PM
Dear Matey,

We are so pleased you have taken the chickens in your stride and now don't even flap an ear at them. However - could you and Akbar please stop this staring competition every morning? It is highly amusing to watch the two of you stare at each other. But while your red spine ridge slowly stands up, (incidently, you aren't a ridgeback, you're an Aussie Cattle Dog. Why do you have a red ridge?), she's slowly fluffing her feathers and puffing up and trying to get bigger.

It's funny to watch, but we really are starting to get worried Akbar might explode one day with the effort to be bigger than you. Could the two of you stop the stare-down and take up something else? Chess, maybe?

Your vastly amused but eternally loving mum,

Fliss.


Maybe one of his ancestors had, ahem, a little fun on the side?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on August 01, 2011, 11:13:40 PM
Dear Tatum,

Your mom and dad spent the day running around like maniacs, getting a million errands done, and then coming home to install an outdoor light, in the dark.  So why, dear Tatum, are YOU the one so exhausted and deeply asleep that you can't even be woken long enough to get your paw out of mama's ribs?

Love,
Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on August 02, 2011, 09:48:34 PM
Dear Molly and Suzi

Mummy is taking you to the groomers, not the gallows.  Please don't hide under the outdoor furniture and then sit trembling, terrified, in the car for the 45-minute trip.

Oh, and please see if you can keep that 'just shampood' smell for longer than it takes to get you home again.  Yes, Suzi, this means you!  Those things the kitty leaves in her tray are not doggy treats, and there is a reason why your nickname is Poo-breath.

Luv
Mummy  :-*
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: eclecticgrrl on August 03, 2011, 10:19:59 AM
Dear eclecticboi's pup -

Your person is, in fact, coming home.  Tomorrow.  It is completely unnecessary to sit on his side of the bed and make that sad little whining noise all night long.  It's also not necessary to wake me up by standing on my head and barking in my face.  I understand that I am not your person.  You need to understand that I took care of you for 6 years all by myself and I do, in fact, remember that you get fed in the morning right after a walk.  Get a grip, please!

eclecticgrrl
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on September 07, 2011, 11:32:53 PM
Dear Jasper,

I love you dearly but I really do not like you trying to french kiss me. Also, begging for food is a no-no. And when we let you outside it is to go potty, do not lay on the very hot concrete! I understand you are still learning, but don't you have any common sense? Also, Mika was here first so please stop growling at her. She's my kid just like you are. I do not play favorites. And you are lucky you are a dog and not a kid or you would have found yourself in a corner many times already.

Your loving owner,

Nikko
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: AnnaT on September 08, 2011, 12:50:14 AM
Dear Dog

Kong Extreme is a very expensive chew toy.  You get peanut butter out of it.  If you destroy the very expensive chew toy in the first 90 minutes, I'm not going to buy you another one!  No peanut butter for you!!

Love

Harassed Aunty
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: oz diva on September 08, 2011, 01:57:10 AM
Dear Rogie,
You're uncomfortable when your lippy comes all the way out. You're desexed, it's not supposed to happen any more.  Stop it, it freaks us all out and the teddies don't like it much either.
Love Mum
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on September 09, 2011, 11:03:41 AM
Dear Tatum,

Thank you for alerting me to the fact that the garage door didn't close properly after your papa left!  And thank you for doing it early enough that I wasn't late for work because I had to chop down the weeds that triggered the sensor.  I know you may have just been interested in a random bird, but given how rarely you stare intently at the garage and bark, I'm giving you credit anyway.  Papa will bring you a nice treat tonight to say thanks.  Keep up the good work!

Your loving (and very relieved that hundreds of dollars worth of tools and lawnmower aren't gone) Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on September 09, 2011, 12:01:27 PM
Dear Rufus,

Inside your goofy self, there's a sweet little angel trying to come out. Please water it and feed it more often- it might get there before Dad turns you into a wall hanging.

Love, Me
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on September 09, 2011, 12:47:04 PM
Dear Smokey the dog,

Yes, your people love playing with you, especially when you flip onto your back and wriggle around!  And yes, we're totally aware that you're having a great time as well.  That being said, there is no need to chew on us, or punch us with your paws, in order for you to keep our attention.  Your people are getting tired of being used as targets! 

Also, I get that you chew on your toys as a way of showing excitement.  It's pretty cute to watch you run around the house with your rabbit in your mouth, squeaking in excitement.  Please, please, please stop pulling fur and fabric off your rabbit though!  It will not last long if you keep doing that; and we can't afford to get you a replacement for a bit.  You have expensive tastes in toys my pet.

Love,
Your People
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on September 09, 2011, 01:03:54 PM
Dear Baren:  You get walked twice a day to do your business, and you have a nice grassy backyard that you go out to several times a day.  So please stop asking me for walks at midnight.  I'm not dressed to go out that late.  When I take you out to the backyard, stop just standing there staring at me and GO!!!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: The Opinionator on September 09, 2011, 01:15:59 PM
Dear Harry,

Let's settle - I can pretend you're a lap dog and let you sit on me, but you have to promise to stop stepping on me with your giant paws. No, really, it hurts.

Love and snuggles,
The human.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: General Jinjur on September 09, 2011, 03:44:09 PM
Dear Ant:

It seems that this moving thing is stressing you out a bit. I can tell by the mountains of poop you have suddenly started leaving around. Can you maybe work on expressing it in a different way? I promise you will like the new setup; there's a yard, and you won't need to trundle up and down four flights of stairs to take a pee. Your old bones will thank me, for sure.

Best,

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on September 24, 2011, 06:53:17 PM
Dear Rocky:
Thank you for waking me up in time for work, and making sure that I take out the trash and clean the litterboxes on a regular basis.  I think technically you may be misbehaving when you do these things, but I certainly appreciated the whining the morning that my alarm didn't go off!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on September 25, 2011, 12:09:34 AM
Oh, BTW, Baren, your third of the bed is horizontal to us, not vertical.  I know you and Daddy like your bonding time on the bed, but I need to lay down there too, so quit pushing me off.  Also, please stop sliming my pillow.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MinAvi on September 25, 2011, 12:46:20 AM
Dear Bailie and Lucy,

You are both morons. There is no one in the front yard, at the door, or within 100 meters of our house.

Just because I opened the roller shutters on the front windows does not mean that something, anything, is out there to get you.

Can you please stop barreling past me barking your heads off. Bailie, I can kind of understand how you manage to knock me out of the way, after all you are a 40kg Lab. Lucy, you are a 4kg Silky terrier, how the ehell do you manage it?

Knock it off or I am locking you both outside.

No love,

The one who provides food.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitkatswing on December 06, 2011, 04:59:04 PM
Dear Maui,

I do love it when you sneak onto the bed underneath the doona.. BUT, I do not appreciate being woken up at 3am this morning with you barking/crying....

It was your own silly fault..

Your the one who got your head stuck as you tried to crawl out from under the doona and got itbetween the button openeings at the bottom... Dont blame me for laughing when I realised and had to turn the light on to unbutton you to freedom...

Yes I lov eyou but it WAS very funny and giving me death stares will cause me to laugh further..

Please dont do it again you dork..

Love,
Mum
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jedikaiti on December 06, 2011, 06:13:23 PM
Dear Pilsner:

I know the cat loves to tease you, but that does not mean you have to chase him every time. Especially not in a manner that makes the house shake and confuses the poor folks at the US Geological Survey.

Also, I know you love your Dad and that he was YOUR Dad first, but he has two hands. It really is entirely possible for him to pet both you AND a cat at the same time!

Jedi

PS - Just because one of the humans walked past the fridge does not mean you are entitled to, or will be receiving, a treat. Sorry.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: rashea on December 07, 2011, 07:36:36 AM
Dear Banchee,

Yes, you are old. Yes, I know you've earn the privileges of old age. Those privileges do not include eating all of the curry, I still get some!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: eclecticgrrl on December 08, 2011, 12:19:00 PM
Elvis -

I have absolutely no idea what you thought you were doing last night, but I have to say that I *really* didn't appreciate you peeing on my dining room chair.  While we were sitting in the room next to you in full view.  Immediately after having come back in from a potty break.

Do it again and live forever in the crate.  This is your last warning!

Your Person's Girlfriend
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on December 08, 2011, 12:36:56 PM
Poor Elvis.  Eclecticgrrl, didn't you see that the dining room chair was on fire??  He came along just in time to put it out. 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: eclecticgrrl on December 08, 2011, 12:38:37 PM
Ooooooohhhhh...  That explains why he was so miffed when I yelled at him.  Darn it.  Now I have to apologize to the fluffbrain.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MonteCristo on December 12, 2011, 08:53:56 AM
Dear Sydney,

Mommy loves you very much, but if you don't stop nipping her you are going to be in serious trouble.  That kind of behavior is simply not tolerated in our family, and you are going to be spending a lot of time by yourself if you don't straighten up.  I've spent a small fortune on chew toys for you, so use those and leave Mommy's elbow alone!  And if you nip at Lyla or Alexei they are going to scratch you.  So just try and calm down.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on December 12, 2011, 07:06:45 PM
Dear Jasper,

I love you dearly. Really, I do. But please, for Heaven sakes would you quit messing with the cat? She's having some issues right now and you growling at her every time she caterwauls or walks by you is grating on our nerves. Seriously stop! Please and thank you.

Your servant,

Nikko
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: oz diva on December 13, 2011, 09:14:07 PM
Dear Dog

They're fledglings, this is their first day out of the nest, why did you make their day so miserable (and their last)  :-[

The woman who feeds you.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MonteCristo on December 14, 2011, 08:11:27 AM
Dear Sydney,

I appreciate that you are constantly on the alert for predators, but dry leaves blowing across the yard hardly qualify.  And with our 7 giant oak trees, there isn't anything I can do to stop the leaves...so get a grip!  The leaves will not injure you in any way, it is perfectly save for you to go about your business normally.

Love,
Your frustrated Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on December 14, 2011, 11:57:14 PM
Dear Skeletor,

I love you very much.  You were with me when my dad died and my ex was a jerk (you even chewed only on his stuff to make me feel better!).  You have the softest neck fur in the world and I love burying my face into it.  I can't wait to see you this weekend! ... but can you please stop putting your mouth on my wrist?  It's long sleeve weather now and I don't want slobber all over my shirts.  You can resume mouthing in the summer.  Oh, and if you lead Banshee off into the mountains again to disappear for 2 days, I won't spoon with you the entire time I'm there.

Love,
Your real mom

Dear Czar,

You've been around the longest.  We all love you very much but you are dumber than a box of rocks.  You are loyal and you learn quickly, but you're the stupidest Golden Retriever I've ever met.  I am excited to see you this weekend, too, but you don't need to lay on my lap 24/7.  There will be five other dogs to play with, even your best bud Skeletor, and three humans to lavish loves on you.  Oh, and if you lead Banshee off into the mountains again to disappear for 2 days, I will not be rubbing your belly at all.

Love,
Your human sister

Dear Miki,

Everyone loves your goofy face and your mismatched eyes.  It is not, cute, however, to constantly paw at people.  You have hard black claws and they hurt, especially when you've braced yourself against the wall and are pushing me out of bed with all four paws.  I love you, but stop it.

Love,
Your human aunt

Dear Colossus,

We are going on a very long road trip this weekend.  You will have four new dogs to play with, but remember not everybody likes you!  Remember how I tell you that when you stand up on the fence for everyone that passes by?  Well it's the truth.  Not everyone wants to rub your tummy or scratch your chest; deal with it.  If you're good, I may even let you sleep with me (because you know you're not allowed to at home).

Love,
Your mom

Dear Banshee,

We are going on a very long road trip this weekend.  You will have four new dogs to play with, so please don't be shy!  I am worried about you in the car because I know how sick you've gotten in the past.  However, you've seemed to have gotten better, but don't worry, mommy will have medicine on hand to help settle you.  Oh, if you disappear for 2 days in the mountains again, you will not be going anywhere ever again outside of our backyard and the vet's office.  You will in effect be grounded...but please tell mommy what happened while you were gone?  I'm dying to know.

Love,
Your mom

Dear Rza,

I haven't met you yet but your mom has told me all about you.  She says you can be intimidating but let it be known that no dog intimidates me.   I will be alpha and you will respect that immediately.  I do not take nonsense.  That being said, I am not above tummy rubs and snuggles!  You'll learn to love me, promise!

Love,
Your human aunt-to-be
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: rashea on December 15, 2011, 07:48:07 AM
Dear Banchee,

Yes, I know those treats were for you. That does not mean you need to find both bags of peanut butter cookies and rip them apart and eat all the treats. Can't you at least look slightly abashed when I come in, rather than calmly reaching in and eating another cookie?

Your Mom

P.S. This is why your Christmas present is all the way up on the shelf.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on December 15, 2011, 07:52:05 AM
Dear Banchee,

Yes, I know those treats were for you. That does not mean you need to find both bags of peanut butter cookies and rip them apart and eat all the treats. Can't you at least look slightly abashed when I come in, rather than calmly reaching in and eating another cookie?

Your Mom

P.S. This is why your Christmas present is all the way up on the shelf.

Dear Banchee,

Hi, uh...my name is Banshee...I'm pretty shy, but....but I like to play.  You have a great name!

Love,
Banshee
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Boots on December 15, 2011, 08:06:10 AM
Dear Tiny, (My 200lb mastiff)

  I want to thank you for being there for me yesterday when I was having a meltdown of epic proportions.  Laying beside me and draping your massive legs over my body was exactly what I needed.  Then following me to the laundry room when I was apparently not quite finished with my episode, and sitting on my feet,  resting your huge head on my legs was so sweet.  You knew Momma was sad and distressed and you stayed by my side all day and all night last night.

You are worth all the drool flinging, smelly gassiness and shedding I have to put up with.  I loves you big boy. 

Boots
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: rashea on December 15, 2011, 01:15:21 PM
Dear Banchee,

Yes, I know those treats were for you. That does not mean you need to find both bags of peanut butter cookies and rip them apart and eat all the treats. Can't you at least look slightly abashed when I come in, rather than calmly reaching in and eating another cookie?

Your Mom

P.S. This is why your Christmas present is all the way up on the shelf.

Dear Banchee,

Hi, uh...my name is Banshee...I'm pretty shy, but....but I like to play.  You have a great name!

Love,
Banshee

Dear Banshee,

Yup, we've got cool names. I know a pond you could come swim in, and if you're old and tired like me, the owners will carry you home when you're done. (Mom's less fond of this, but the neighbors like that they get cookies for it).

Banchee
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 15, 2011, 01:54:09 PM
Dear Tiny, (My 200lb mastiff)

  I want to thank you for being there for me yesterday when I was having a meltdown of epic proportions.  Laying beside me and draping your massive legs over my body was exactly what I needed.  Then following me to the laundry room when I was apparently not quite finished with my episode, and sitting on my feet,  resting your huge head on my legs was so sweet.  You knew Momma was sad and distressed and you stayed by my side all day and all night last night.

You are worth all the drool flinging, smelly gassiness and shedding I have to put up with.  I loves you big boy. 

Boots

Awww....they are wonderful, aren't they!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on December 15, 2011, 04:52:36 PM
Dear Banchee,

Yes, I know those treats were for you. That does not mean you need to find both bags of peanut butter cookies and rip them apart and eat all the treats. Can't you at least look slightly abashed when I come in, rather than calmly reaching in and eating another cookie?

Your Mom

P.S. This is why your Christmas present is all the way up on the shelf.

Dear Banchee,

Hi, uh...my name is Banshee...I'm pretty shy, but....but I like to play.  You have a great name!

Love,
Banshee

Dear Banshee,

Yup, we've got cool names. I know a pond you could come swim in, and if you're old and tired like me, the owners will carry you home when you're done. (Mom's less fond of this, but the neighbors like that they get cookies for it).

Banchee

Dear Banchee,

I've never been swimming before!  Mom threatens that my coat will soak up too much water and pull me under  ::)  If I ever head your direction, you'll have to teach me how to swim.

Banshee
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Boots on December 15, 2011, 07:44:50 PM
Siamesecat, yes, he is the best "found" dog ever.   At this moment he is stretched out on the couch snoring softly.  ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Ms_Cellany on December 15, 2011, 08:42:10 PM
Siamesecat, yes, he is the best "found" dog ever.   At this moment he is stretched out on the couch snoring softly.  ;D

A "found" mastiff? Details! And pix!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: amylouky on December 16, 2011, 09:15:06 AM
Dear Sadie,

When I opened the door this morning and asked you to "go", I meant "go potty". I did not mean, go out the door, jump right over the 5.5' tall privacy fence, run down the driveway and take off down the street. I am sure that you and the neighbors got a kick out of seeing me running around in my pajamas yelling for you, and eventually having to get the CAR to chase you down.
Oh, and the candy canes on the tree are not for you.

Love,

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on December 16, 2011, 09:26:01 AM
Dear Sadie,

When I opened the door this morning and asked you to "go", I meant "go potty". I did not mean, go out the door, jump right over the 5.5' tall privacy fence, run down the driveway and take off down the street. I am sure that you and the neighbors got a kick out of seeing me running around in my pajamas yelling for you, and eventually having to get the CAR to chase you down.
Oh, and the candy canes on the tree are not for you.

Love,

Mom

Dear Sadie,

Did you know that even if your humans extend the fence you can dig your paws in and just climb it?  Yeah, it was pretty funny watching mom chase me down the roads in Pittsburgh with tin foil in her hair!  *Snicker* Humans are so weird.

Love,
Skeletor the Rottweiler/Border Collie
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: eport on December 16, 2011, 09:29:30 AM
Dear Scotty,

Why did you eat 1/2 of a glass ornament that was on the tree (and not one close to the ground-you had to get on your hind legs to reach that one)? You didn't do this last year. I am happy you are safe but DON'T DO THAT.

The vet said to watch you go #2 because we would only have to take you in for emergency medicine if you had trouble. So I am glad that you chewed it into small pieces. The blue glass pieces/red feathers in your poop were only funny once. I'm glad it stopped so you can go out by yourself now.

We buy you a ton of bones and treats why don't you eat them.

Sincerly,
Annoyed but slightly amused since you are ok.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Yvaine on December 16, 2011, 09:32:42 AM
Dear Scotty,

Why did you eat 1/2 of a glass ornament that was on the tree (and not one close to the ground-you had to get on your hind legs to reach that one)? You didn't do this last year. I am happy you are safe but DON'T DO THAT.

The vet said to watch you go #2 because we would only have to take you in for emergency medicine if you had trouble. So I am glad that you chewed it into small pieces. The blue glass pieces/red feathers in your poop were only funny once. I'm glad it stopped so you can go out by yourself now.

We buy you a ton of bones and treats why don't you eat them.

Sincerly,
Annoyed but slightly amused since you are ok.

Dear Scotty,

Don't listen to those silly hoominz! Eating glass is AWESOME. I ate a candleholder once. Mom freaked out but it was so much fun, made a great crunchy noise, and had a tasty candle inside. Yummm!

Stubby tail wags,
The Rottweiler
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Boots on December 16, 2011, 09:51:18 AM
(http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/ll97/suewrm/th_MattsStuff-45.jpg) (http://s286.photobucket.com/albums/ll97/suewrm/?action=view&current=MattsStuff-45.jpg)

(http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/ll97/suewrm/th_slobber.jpg) (http://s286.photobucket.com/albums/ll97/suewrm/?action=view&current=slobber.jpg)

My found Mastiff.  Long story as short as I can.  He belonged to a young couple who were never home, he was lonely and breaking out of his yard which is how I found him.  Three weeks after finding him and searching for his owner (seriously how do you lose a dog like this? lol) she claimed him and gave him back to us the next day! I think he was more dog than they bargained for!

He's brought so much laughter and joy to our lives!  I could and probably should write a short story about Tiny and all his adventures.  He's a goof ball and a lover.   
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on December 16, 2011, 09:57:42 AM
Dear Sadie,

When I opened the door this morning and asked you to "go", I meant "go potty". I did not mean, go out the door, jump right over the 5.5' tall privacy fence, run down the driveway and take off down the street. I am sure that you and the neighbors got a kick out of seeing me running around in my pajamas yelling for you, and eventually having to get the CAR to chase you down.
Oh, and the candy canes on the tree are not for you.

Love,

Mom

Dear Sadie,

Did you know that even if your humans extend the fence you can dig your paws in and just climb it?  Yeah, it was pretty funny watching mom chase me down the roads in Pittsburgh with tin foil in her hair!  *Snicker* Humans are so weird.

Love,
Skeletor the Rottweiler/Border Collie

On this note:

Ariel,

I've extended the fence, but a second fence around your favorite jumping spot, and tried to put spiky things on the ground. You still climb over the whole thing without trouble. Why is it so important to escape? Particularly since you just wait for me to pick you up on the other side?

 Oh, and if I catch you mid-climb, squealing like I'm killing you is not helpful and won't make me stop. I know I wasn't hurting you, but now the neighbors are probably wondering just what the heck is going on over here.

Dr. F.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Yvaine on December 16, 2011, 10:39:19 AM
(http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/ll97/suewrm/th_MattsStuff-45.jpg) (http://s286.photobucket.com/albums/ll97/suewrm/?action=view&current=MattsStuff-45.jpg)

(http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/ll97/suewrm/th_slobber.jpg) (http://s286.photobucket.com/albums/ll97/suewrm/?action=view&current=slobber.jpg)

My found Mastiff.  Long story as short as I can.  He belonged to a young couple who were never home, he was lonely and breaking out of his yard which is how I found him.  Three weeks after finding him and searching for his owner (seriously how do you lose a dog like this? lol) she claimed him and gave him back to us the next day! I think he was more dog than they bargained for!

He's brought so much laughter and joy to our lives!  I could and probably should write a short story about Tiny and all his adventures.  He's a goof ball and a lover.

Aww! Love the way he cuddles the other dog.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Boots on December 16, 2011, 12:31:08 PM
Yeah, that's what he did to me the other day when I needed a hug! lol

I love reading these stories about people's dogs.  Cracks me up!  I'm going to have to try and remember some of the zany stuff mine do to contribute!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on December 16, 2011, 12:42:52 PM
Dear Hogan,

You're scaring the neighbors. Cars are not evil monsters. Stop with the barking and fence charging or you'll lose yard privleges.

Dear Valentine,

Tracy is a baby and never had a family. Cut her some slack; she'll have a forever home soon.

Dear Saber,

I'm sorry. You're a good dog. Hogan, Val, and Tracy are a lot to handle. We'll take you to the Boneyard later.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Grape on December 16, 2011, 02:10:09 PM
Dear Ziggy,

I know the sound of the stairwell door down the hall slamming is annoying. You deciding that OMGSOMEONEISATTACKING is more annoying.... especially since we've lived here two years. And the door sound has been heard multiple times per day during that time. And you bark every. single. time.  Honey, I know you aren't that bright, but please stop panicking.

Me
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: JolieFille on December 16, 2011, 10:46:15 PM
Dear Daizey,

I know you want my attention, but putting your paw on my iPad is really kind of rude. You've made me loose my place in books and on eHell one too many times.

Also, laying in the hallway when it's dark, and not having the sense to move and then getting annoyed when I step on you, is not really healthy for any of us. I could've hurt you, y'know.

The world will not end if you don't get any of my jalapeno kettle chips. Stop breathing on me. Seriously.

Lacey,

There is NO need to growl anytime I get within a foot of you. It's annoying. There is also no reason to bite me when I want to pet Daizey.

There is also no reason to look sad when you get hip-checked out of the way, due to biting anyone not petting you. Daizey needs love just as much as you.

Luv, your human sister
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MizB on December 19, 2011, 02:27:37 AM
Dear Frances:

You made my heart melt. I love that you cuddle so much and I hope you get a forever home soon.

Love,
One of the Dog walkers.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitkatswing on December 19, 2011, 10:48:13 PM
Dear Maui,

I hope you learnt your lesson last night, you growl at me when I go to move you off the bed and you get locked in the bathroom.. No amount of barking will get you out until your "time out" is over..

That little stint earnt you NO bed privaledges that night, I am still  a little cross with you... But I did smile when I went to pat you and you rolled over for bnelly sctritches....

Love,

your mum
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mbbored on December 20, 2011, 12:50:43 AM
Dear Falcor,

You can sleep on the couch and bed when you pay for them or develop the ability to wash the sheets & blankets and vacuum the couch. Can't do that yet? Oh well, guess they're just for me.

Love,
me
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Iris on December 20, 2011, 01:38:24 AM
Dear Sunny,

Why? WHY do you go absolutely. freaking. nuts. every time you see those two black dogs? You play well with all the other dogs in the whole world. What is it about them? It's very embarrassing for mummy, especially since their owner is such an old grouch. No more off leash time for you until you learn to behave around them. I know you think I'm being mean but seriously, dude, they'll EAT you.

Love,
Bearer of Dog Food
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: ammyd on December 20, 2011, 02:05:41 AM
Dear Scraps,
I know that the horrible Christmas tree scares you but please stop slamming into my legs as you run to get around it. And right after I take you outside in the freezing cold do not whine that you want to go out again. This is why I laugh at you when the cat chases you through the house.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MonteCristo on December 20, 2011, 07:44:10 AM
Dear Sydney,

I appreciate the fact that you bark to let me know if there is someone in front of the house, but please run over to the front window before letting it out.  When you are sitting up next to me and let out that ridiculously loud bark right in my ear it scares me to death and makes me very cross.  Also, once you have alerted me to the "danger" and I've told you it is ok, stop barking! 

Also, don't think that I haven't noticed that you purposely run through every puddle you find, or that you time your jump so that you get the maximum amout of water splashed up on yourself.  I wasn't born yesterday.

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Coralreef on December 20, 2011, 08:48:06 PM
Dear Dogs,

Auntie and I are cooking holiday cookies.  They all have chocolate, you can't have any.  So stop crying, trying to climb on the counter and table were the cookies are cooling, pushing and pawing us.

When I put you outside to have bit of peace and quiet, you didn't need to make a hole in TWO, yes TWO, layers of fencing wires to go gallivanting in the neighbourhood.  Without your collar, I might add.

Love, you frazzled kibble provider.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Kimblee on December 20, 2011, 09:04:19 PM
Dear Bernadette,

You are just too pretty for words. Seriously I think you are the prettiest dog I have ever owned. (Don't tell the ninjas, okay?) I tell you every day how pretty you are, and how well behaved you are and how much I adore you. So could you kinda, you know, stop being such a clingybaby? (I know that's not what mama calls you, but this is a respectable board so we have to be respectable.)

There are two other people who live here and would love to adore you too. (That teenage boy who talks about kicking you to death or using you as catfish bait? He's bluffing and trying to be tough, but you're welcome to avoid him.) That lady in the chair? She's nice, i promise. She gives you peanuts and other yummies when you suck up to her, what makes you think she's gonna hurt you if you let her pet you? And the guy in the computer room? He's nice too, take a page from the ninjas, they know he's a pushover and has the best treats. Sausage, Ramen Noodles, popcorn... you love all those things!

So try to be friendly instead of hiding or clinging to me? Also, please learn the fetch game! Its (1)Throw (2)You bring the toy back. Simple. Its not (1)Throw and (2) Run to toy jump on it then run back without it. Fetch is more fun for Mama if she doesn't have to go get the toy.

Love,

Mama

Dear Baby and Bean,

You two are the ninjas. You know you are the ninjas. When i yell "NINJAS!" you come running for treats. This means you should go outside when I stand at the door and yell "NINJAS!" Not look at me then make me drag you two outside. Geeze!

Love,

Mama

Dear Bess,

You're perfect. Carry on.

Love,

Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on December 22, 2011, 09:18:21 AM
Mojo,

You're a puppy. I get that. I'm really happy you've recovered from your kennel cough and gotten all your youthful energy and exuberance back. It's nice that you're settling in so well. But, let's get a few things clear.

1. My arm is not a chew toy.
2. Pouncing on me and chewing on my arm at 5:30AM will get you banned from the bedroom, and no amount of pathetic whining will make me let you back in.

Your foster mom

Lucas,

You were that annoying (at least!) at that age. Really. You were. You may not remember it, but I do. Stop grumping at Mojo.

Mommy

Pelon and Ariel,

Just *PLAY* with Mojo already! You guys love to play. He's trying sooo hard to get you to play with him - stop growling!

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on December 22, 2011, 10:32:09 AM
Dr. F,

I love that you have a dog named Pelon!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on December 22, 2011, 12:54:53 PM
Dr. F,

I love that you have a dog named Pelon!

He's a Mexican hairless, so it's quite appropriate! ;)

Dr. F.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on December 22, 2011, 01:31:19 PM
That is too funny!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Jones on December 22, 2011, 06:08:55 PM
Dear Max,
I realize you are a Chihuahua mix and, as such, are very small, but please do not use the baby as a springboard even if he outweighs you by 10 pounds, he doesn't understand it's a game and is quite confused to have you there...then gone!

Oh, and please, stay off the chairs and out of the cookie jar someone inadvertanly left uncovered on the table.


-Jones
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on January 06, 2012, 05:29:44 AM
Dear Jasper,

Next time you are stuck in the room at night with mommy while she is sleeping and you have to relieve yourself, please bark to wake me up. It woulda been nice, I am just sayin.

Your staff member.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Portugal79 on January 06, 2012, 06:49:22 AM
Dear Jen, i have no problems with you sleeping in my room, but please remember my trainers are not chew toys, and nor is the casre bear i have had for 20 years...but i still love you xxx
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on January 06, 2012, 07:18:57 AM
Dear Crash,

You walked into my house on New Year's Eve. I know you have family that misses you. You can stay here until we find them.

Just try not to eat too much furniture.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Sabbyfrog2 on January 06, 2012, 07:37:42 AM
Dear Jack,

Staring at the container of treats and lifting your paw to "beg" will not make me get up and get them for you.

And I know you love to sun yourself behind the curtains in the master bedroom, (you've created quite a little solarium for yourself) but must you pull them down? Are you not capable of just parting them and slipping behind there?

Oh. And stop biting your paw. I hate having to explain why you have a raw spot on it all the time. I will put the cone of shame back on you if you don't stop. You know I will.

Love and belly scritches... Sabbyfrog2 (aka: Mom)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on January 06, 2012, 12:15:55 PM
Dear Master Baren:

There are two places you can chew your rawhide chewie:  the garage and outside.  Please don't just hold it in your mouth and pretend it's "all gone." I can see it and I'm not letting you back in to get gooey chewie bits all over my carpet.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MonteCristo on January 06, 2012, 01:32:48 PM
Sydney,

Sweetie, mommy loves you and is happy to have you sleep up on the bed with her and the cats, but why must you save all of your personal ablutions for bedtime?  It totally squicks mommy out.  Please try and take care of your business before bedtime.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on January 06, 2012, 01:55:44 PM
Dear Saber,

Please get well soon. Watching you when you are sick breaks my heart. When you are better, we'll take you to Dog Poop Isle. Please, little one, get better!

Mommy loves you.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on January 07, 2012, 04:01:29 PM
Addie,

I miss you, you little vampire Aussie. Be good for mom.

Love,
Me

Skipper,

Please go bug dad to play ball with you. He needs the exercise.

Love,
Me

Rufus Princeling,

You are my snuggle baby, but snuggling when you've got a soggy head is very unpleasant. Let me grab a rag and dry your noggin off, then you can snuggle to your heart's content.

Love,
Me
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Really? on January 07, 2012, 08:51:16 PM
Dear R.

When I am using my notebook and tell you to "lay down", it does not mean across my lap and the notebook. Mommy still needs to be able to use the computer.

Onlyme
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 07, 2012, 11:53:40 PM
Dear Banshee,

I do not need another manicure, you just gave me one five minutes ago.  I know that you love to nibble on my fingertips and would do so for hours if I let you, but sometimes all I really want to do is pet you for my own sake.

Love,
Mom

Dear Colossus,

You are such a goofy dog.  Thank you for letting us put a hoodie  on you and watch you walk around the house with the hood up.  Thank you for letting us tuck you into the blanket, that was also fun and amusing.

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on January 12, 2012, 05:56:33 PM
Dear dogs (all 4 of you!),

You have nice, clean, fresh water in a bubbly fountain thing in the house. Why must you drink the nasty, cloudy, brown rainwater that I collect for the plants every time you go outside? It's got dead leaves and bugs and probably all kinds of nastiness in it, but you drink it like ambrosia! Why? Drink your own clean water!

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfmama on January 12, 2012, 06:02:02 PM
Dear Mommy -- because it tastes better!  All full of yummy bugs and stuff! 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on January 12, 2012, 08:29:46 PM
Dear Dog,
I know you've recently discovered that the other bed in our house is rarely used by people, and therefore makes a great dog bed.  However, your people still want you to be near them.  So when we tell you to get off that bed, and come over to this other bed, where we are, don't sigh and give us martyred looks, okay?  I promise, attentions and affection are the same no matter where you are in the house!

Also, the developing cat-like behavior of deliberately looking at us, then walking away?  Not cool at all!  Please stop that immediately.

Love,
Your people
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: eclecticgrrl on January 13, 2012, 11:10:31 AM
Dear Elvis,

Eat my food one more time.  Go on - I dare you.

Retribution is going to be swift and near-lethal.  You ate the *last* piece of my homemade banana bread!!!

And believe me, Tiger will help since you never share.

Your Person's Person
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Reader on January 13, 2012, 12:07:38 PM
Dear Sheba,

Thank you so much for not using the basement as your personal toilet anymore.  I don't know if it was because I washed the floor with dish soap after the last incident after trying vinegar and bleach to no avail or if it's because I am letting a friend store stuff there and it now smells like her instead.  Either way we are on week three with no accidents so extra treats for you this weekend.

Love your mom.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: hobish on January 13, 2012, 01:53:38 PM

Dear Kilik,

Thank you for peeing on your own toys instead of mine. I know you only did it because you weren't feeling well, and i truly appreciate the extra consideration.

Yours,
Not-the-mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Reader on January 16, 2012, 08:50:52 AM
Dear Sheba,

You had been so behaved for the past couple of weeks.  That is until Saturday.  For the record everything food related that is put or dropped on the floor is yours.  However my half eaten sub, that I had on the end table(which is not the floor) which you took and ate was not yours for the taking.  So that is why you were shown outside and not let in for 20 minutes and also why no dinner for you.  No more stealing mom's food, got it?  Especially after you just got extra treats for being good.

Thanks,

your mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 18, 2012, 02:06:50 PM
Dear Banshee,

You are such a good girl!  I never would have known your brother got out if you hadn't whined very loudly.  You also don't follow your brother out and about.  Momma loves you so much!

Dear Colossus,

I've had it up to about *here* with you.  You haven't escaped in months; my fence fix was working just fine.  Then you discovered you could put your 90lbs on it and bend it.  Now I have to find another way to keep you from climbing over the fence.  You are trying my patience.  I had to go into someone else's fenced in yard to get you...I have no freakin' idea how you got in there, but I'm just glad the owners didn't come out to find you there.  I guess at least you didn't tear your paw this time or go over the railroad tracks...

Begrudgingly with love,
Momma
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Miss Misha on January 18, 2012, 04:12:10 PM
Dear Dice:

Contrary to the tripe that Disney dishes out, not all dogs go to Heaven.  Your thick husky coat will be detrimental should you go the other way.  Remember that the next time you consider another act of bad.

Dear Duke:

The people three counties away do not care that our doorbell has been rung.  Please quit barking like you are crazed everytime it rings.  That goes double for when a doorbell rings in a television show.

Fuzzy hugs and snuffly kisses,

Your Dog Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: oz diva on January 20, 2012, 07:58:51 AM
Dear Jasper,

Next time you are stuck in the room at night with mommy while she is sleeping and you have to relieve yourself, please bark to wake me up. It woulda been nice, I am just sayin.

Your staff member.

I had a dog who would sit at the end of the bed and lick her lips until someone woke up to take her out for a pee.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Iris on January 20, 2012, 03:25:22 PM
Dear Sunny,

When you run to me frantically, desperately warning me about a situation in the back yard, try and make it interesting. I don't really need to know if the chicken is eating some of your food. Especially since you didn't want it 10 minutes ago.

Next time, Timmy better be down the well.

Love
Mummy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on January 20, 2012, 08:02:15 PM
Dear Jasper,

Next time you are stuck in the room at night with mommy while she is sleeping and you have to relieve yourself, please bark to wake me up. It woulda been nice, I am just sayin.

Your staff member.

I had a dog who would sit at the end of the bed and lick her lips until someone woke up to take her out for a pee.

Would you wake up?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: AylaM on January 21, 2012, 01:29:57 AM
Dear Tucker,

It is a ROCK.

Not a toy.  I spent a small fortune buying you squeaky toys, balls, flying discs, and plush toys.  Why do you only want the rock I dug out of the garden? 

It isn't even a pretty rock.  It doesn't bounce.  It doesn't squeak.  And mommy can't throw it very far. 

And even if she could, she wouldn't.  What if it hit you?  That rock is bigger than your skull.  And as hard-headed as you seem, I'm quite sure the rock is harder.

Frankly, my dear puppy, I do not see the appeal.

Love,
Mommy

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 21, 2012, 01:41:34 PM
Dear Colossus,

HA!  Momma has conquered again!  I didn't have to spend a dime to fix the fence and you are completely perplexed!  That metal mesh isn't going anywhere, mister puppy, so get used to it.  You'll have to wait until we get back to Colorado to go exploring again.  Deal with it.

Love,
Momma


Dear Banshee,

You continue to be such a good girl.  Your head tremors really creep out momma, but as long as I can distract you from them by letting you nibble on my fingertips, we both can be happy.  I know you're jealous because your brother gets to go exploring, so I promise we'll all go on a walk soon.

Love,
Momma
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitkatswing on January 29, 2012, 10:32:29 PM
Dear Maui,

I dont know what it was that you have been eating, but seriously, I am going to put a cork up your butt if you do not stop farting..

The crop dusting (walks up to us, drops one, then walks away) is NOT funny. Well, ok its funny when you do it to your dad, but not when you get me....

Love,

Mum
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on February 02, 2012, 02:02:02 PM
Dear Puppe"Roni"

Yes, yes you are the cutest thing ever and I really enjoy watching you collect all your toys and put them in a nice neat little pile for playing with. Ignoring them once they are in the pile and making a beeline for to play with chew my slippers is not so cute!

-that thing that is always yelling "no!"
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Information_queen on February 02, 2012, 04:39:11 PM
Dear Mudkips,

I know you like soft fluffy things to lay on. But those soft fluffy things on my bed? Those are my clothes, that I put there while I was folding them. Just because I haven't put them away yet, doesn't mean you get to make a bed out of them.

Oh, who am I kidding? But next time, could you just lay on top of them instead of knocking half of them over and sprawling over the whole mess?

Love,
The person who will be wearing dog hair for the next week
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MizB on February 08, 2012, 02:17:21 AM
Dear Toby,

It has been a great visit! I have enjoyed cuddling with you and bonding this whole week. Please don't be too sad when I leave. It worries Mamaw.


Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jedikaiti on February 19, 2012, 10:35:45 PM
Dear Pilsner,

I don't care WHAT you smell in the kitchen trash can. If you don't want to get on Mommy's you-know-what-list, you won't turn it over, dump out the contents, and drag your favorite bits into the living room.

No love tonight,
Mommy
Who is sooo getting a locking trash can, as soon as all my stupid homework for the week is done.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on February 20, 2012, 05:09:48 AM
Dear Baren:

I understand it's a dominance thing with you dogs, but could you please stop trying to hump every dog that comes into the dog park?  It's very embarrassing to me and putting you back on the leash defeats the purpose of our visit.  Play nice with the other doggies, will you please?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: hobish on February 20, 2012, 04:52:41 PM

Dear Jayna,

Thank you for the gift of an inch long string of snot delivered directly to my face. Thank you as well for licking it off immediately when you realized it didn't suit. It is, after all, the thought that counts.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on February 20, 2012, 05:43:19 PM
Dear Lucas,

Was it really necessary to overturn the container of 2 lbs worth of spiced, clarified butter (niter kebbeh) all over yourself and the kitchen floor? Really?!?! Yes, Mr. Dog, you *are* getting a bath tonight. I really hope we don't have troubles with all that butter working its way through your system tonight. Mommy has a big presentation tomorrow, remember?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: violinp on March 01, 2012, 11:31:17 AM
This is years old, but here goes:

Dear Lorenzo,
You are a year old Jack Russell. That is a metal leash we had on you. You should not have been able to break that and chase a squirrel. I have to believe that you have superdoggy powers of some kind.

Sincerely,
A very terrified owner
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Kimblee on March 11, 2012, 03:23:48 PM
Dear Tucker,

It is a ROCK.

Not a toy.  I spent a small fortune buying you squeaky toys, balls, flying discs, and plush toys.  Why do you only want the rock I dug out of the garden? 

It isn't even a pretty rock.  It doesn't bounce.  It doesn't squeak.  And mommy can't throw it very far. 

And even if she could, she wouldn't.  What if it hit you?  That rock is bigger than your skull.  And as hard-headed as you seem, I'm quite sure the rock is harder.

Frankly, my dear puppy, I do not see the appeal.

Love,
Mommy

lol

My brother's dog Rocky got his name because as a puppy he liked to eat rocks. He'd chew them and his turds would be sandy. It was gross but funny.

Now he just carries them around the yard.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: AylaM on March 11, 2012, 11:18:37 PM
Dear Tucker,

It is a ROCK.

Not a toy.  I spent a small fortune buying you squeaky toys, balls, flying discs, and plush toys.  Why do you only want the rock I dug out of the garden? 

It isn't even a pretty rock.  It doesn't bounce.  It doesn't squeak.  And mommy can't throw it very far. 

And even if she could, she wouldn't.  What if it hit you?  That rock is bigger than your skull.  And as hard-headed as you seem, I'm quite sure the rock is harder.

Frankly, my dear puppy, I do not see the appeal.

Love,
Mommy

lol

My brother's dog Rocky got his name because as a puppy he liked to eat rocks. He'd chew them and his turds would be sandy. It was gross but funny.

Now he just carries them around the yard.

Mine kicks them around, he'll put his two front feet on it, then give it a "push" like he was digging.  It will fly between his back feet a little, and he'll do it again. And again.  And again. When he gets bored, he'll pick it up and carry it across the yard and nibble at it, or just lay down with it.

When he is bored again he will carry it over to me and drop it.  I have to fake him out to throw it.  I throw it left when he runs right, because if I don't he gets to it before it stops sometimes.  He go hit with his first rock once, and scared me.  When he found his second rock, it was big enough that I wouldn't risk it again.

He tries to entice the other dogs into playing with the rock with him, but they are not interested.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: siamesecat2965 on April 04, 2012, 09:42:11 AM
Dear dog that I'm watching for the week.

I KNOW being a terrier and all when you get an idea in your head, or hear something, you need to see it or do it now now now now.  However, Mommy told me you would want to out in the middle of the night not necessarily beacuse you have to go, but you want to investigate the noise you heard!  Well, I heard it too, and it was a  cat yowling.  So you walking all over me, circling the bed, and pawing at the window, while your tags jingled didn't fool me one bit.  And that is why I let you out of hte bedroom adn shut the door.  And guess what, you were sound asleep this morning, so I don't think you missed much of anything.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on April 21, 2012, 10:51:56 PM
Dear Jasper:

Mommy is so proud of you! You learned to play with your ropey, the first toy you've ever had any interest in since I got you over a year ago! I feel so happy!

Your loving owner
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on April 22, 2012, 11:31:33 AM
Dear Baren:

It is a treadmill. Yes, Daddy runs on it every day.  It isn't going to hurt you.  Please stop shivering and drooling on me when he uses it. 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: finecabernet on April 22, 2012, 11:47:29 AM
My dearest darling Buddy (the "son" of my brother and sister-in-law),

You know how much I adore you (in fact I helped hook you up with mommy and daddy so I have an especial fondness for you). I love how excited you get when I visit, but I do need to break it to you that you are an 80-pound labrador, and as such, are not intended to sit in the laps of humans. I also think that nipping the chin of whichever human whose lap you happen to be sitting in is a bad habit. But I can never be mad at you, you sweet baby boy!

Also you break my heart when you follow me into the kitchen when I get a second slice of pizza and watch me and drool. You know I can't give you extra food or your mommy will be upset. It WILL earn you an extra kiss and a pet, though.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on June 19, 2012, 01:55:11 PM
Dear Ronee,

You know that little bed you had as a wee puppy that kept you from having to lie on the hard tile floor? Well, I haven't taken it away from you even though it's no longer soft and no longer has any fluff in it. It is an acceptable item for you to chew up at your hearts content because I know how much you enjoy it. Please, please refrain from tearing apart the TWO nice new soft pretty mats mummy has gotten to replace the old bed. If you continue to tear them apart, you'll no longer have anything soft to lay on and I know how much you love to lay on soft things, because I often find you laying on my brand new couch covers that you summarily pull off the couch to lay on. :/
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on June 19, 2012, 02:03:21 PM
Dear Rocky:

Our neighbor leaves for work at 3:30 in the morning five nights a week.  Please, please, for the love of Dog, stop barking at him.  I appreciate you letting me know there's someone moving around outside in the wee hours, but I thought I'd succeeded in teaching you that the neighbors are not to be barked at.

Your sleep-deprived human.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: hobish on June 19, 2012, 02:09:07 PM

Dear Kilik,

AWWROOO-RROOOO-ROOO-WOOO-WOO-RO-RO-WRO-WROO-WRO-AWRRRR-AWRRROOO-AWROO- WOOO-WOO - ROOORORORORRROOO - RROOOOO-WOOOO-RORO-WOOO-ROOOO-WOOOOO-WROWROWRAWRO-WOO-WOO-WROOOO to you, too. Now please shut up already and go to sleep. I know. You told me three times now.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on June 19, 2012, 02:12:41 PM
Dear Hogan and Saber,

It's just a storm; it will pass. I love you; please let me and daddy sleep tonight.

Dear Val,

Stop licking your stitches or I'm putting you back in the cone.

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on June 19, 2012, 06:18:44 PM
Dear Hogan and Saber,

It's just a storm; it will pass. I love you; please let me and daddy sleep tonight.

Dear Val,

Stop licking your stitches or I'm putting you back in the cone.

Mommy

Oh no, not the cone of shame!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: misha412 on June 19, 2012, 08:05:59 PM
Dear Dagan,

I love you, my big black slobbery lab. I know life has changed so dramatically over the past few months. First, DF moved in. You and him had to work out dominance issues. A bit of a rocky time, but you and him are buds now. 

I hate to break the bad news. The two little hissy monsters are staying. I know you don't like them hissing, but they are here. And at 9 weeks old, they are only going to become more annoying. You need to pull on your big boy panties and get used to them. Dodging their claws is a good skill you can work on.

Yes, they are allowed in places you are not. But, they only weigh three pounds combined. You weigh 90 pounds. So you are not allowed to lay on my lap. You are welcome to get belly lovies and ear scratchies from the floor level.

And, no, you are not allowed on the new mattress. It costs too much to have a dog slobbering and scrounging on it. So that means the bedroom door is closed. Sorry my beautiful boy, but that is the rules.

And the slurping of your private parts while Mommy is trying to nap will not get you any nice words or make Mommy happy. So cut it out!!!

Love, Mommy

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on June 19, 2012, 09:57:04 PM
Dear Rocky:

When people come over, their sole purpose is not to pet you.  In fact, they probably don't want your giant head in their laps.  They definitely do not want the giant rest of you in their laps!  Also, just because a cat has occupied the guest's lap does not mean you need to bark at the guest/cat combination.  Please leave my guests alone and go sleep somewhere or lick the cat - he really really wants your attention.

Love mommy.

P.S. Mommy appreciates your fine judgement on the subject of not barking at certain repeat guests.  I like actually getting to hear people knocking on the front door - I'd almost forgotten what it sounded like!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Pippen on June 19, 2012, 10:17:57 PM
Dear Pippen

Yes you can have a pillow. No you can't have 4 pillows. I would like at least one. You can fit in a shoebox and have no need to hog them all.

Also we need to discuss your job performance as the neighbours cats have indicated they think you are a joke and are still using my garden as a toilet.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on June 20, 2012, 12:38:34 PM
Dear Banshee,

Your brother leaps right up into the back of my SUV.  You, on the other hand, get your front legs up there and wait for Momma to lift your back legs in (which you help with by keeping them stiff).

So why did you think you could leap up over that dirt ledge?  I didn't see it, but Daddy tells me you hit at your armpits, scrambled a bit, then slid off.  I'm so sorry, Baby Girl, but I most certainly am laughing at you.  You're a big dog, you can run fast, and you're pretty ferocious, but you cannot jump.

Love Momma
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: hobish on June 20, 2012, 01:03:04 PM

Dear Jayna,
You can have my spot on the bed when i am done with it, not before. The first time you sat on my head it was funny ... it is wearing thin.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Craftyone on June 21, 2012, 06:45:45 AM
Dear Porter,
With dad away in another state for work (we're moving once we've got the house settled over there and sold our house here, long story) you can have his side of the bed but not mine too.  And please stop the grumbling when I (try to) move you over so I'm not clinging to the edge.
Love
Mum.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on June 21, 2012, 12:47:41 PM
Dear Baren:

You can chew on your Texas toothpicks out in the garage, so please stop trying to sneak them past me into the house.  Also, please stop putting your upturned belly into my face when we're in bed.  I know you're a boy, I don't need to be reminded.  Thank you.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: crella on June 21, 2012, 07:51:13 PM
Dearest Bob,

That thing around your neck is usually called 'the cone of shame' not 'all-purpose ball and snack catcher'. I will give you points for creativity, but you're supposed to be quieter with one of those. Contrary to your jaunty strut,and asking for it to be put back on after you eat, they usually aren't considered a fashion statement....

Gotta love a Flatcoat...

Mum
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitkatswing on June 21, 2012, 08:00:44 PM
Dearest Bob,

That thing around your neck is usually called 'the cone of shame' not 'all-purpose ball and snack catcher'. I will give you points for creativity, but you're supposed to be quieter with one of those. Contrary to your jaunty strut,and asking for it to be put back on after you eat, they usually aren't considered a fashion statement....

Gotta love a Flatcoat...

Mum

I could re-write that word for word a few days ago...  Maui did the same thing, he even used it to dig up dirt,....

(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/318081_10150899839885878_1206917923_n.jpg)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: crella on June 21, 2012, 09:28:45 PM
Too funny! I had to duct tape it yesterday because of a huge crack he put in it.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on June 22, 2012, 12:40:21 AM
Dear Rocky:

Please stop barking at the small and timid cat exploring the back yard.  I don't care that he's back there, and it's not like you actually want to go outside to do anything about his presence anyway since you're afraid of cats, even (possibly especially) the ones you live with.

Please shut up now so that I can go to bed?

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MissRose on June 23, 2012, 06:16:07 AM
Dear Dude,

Yes, you are a good (white/yellow German shepherd) dog (and also watch dog) like your "wifey" Banana is, and your "mother in law" Keeta is, and Coco the puppy is learning to be a watch dog.  But we don't appreciate your various escape artist antics and sometimes having to chase you through the neighborhood when you decide to make a run for it in the middle of the night (or other times) when you need to do your business (or just plain decide you want to go for a run).

Love from your sometimes exasperated owners,

MissRose's Sister and Sister's boyfriend plus MissRose's niece & nephew.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: misha412 on June 27, 2012, 11:41:21 PM
Dear Dagan,

I know the kittens are getting on your nerves, but nipping at them is not acceptable. They are too small to handle you. Nosing, playing, and licking are all good. Nipping is not.

I still love you my big pup, but sometimes I has to get stern with you.

Love, Mom

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: JadeAngel on June 27, 2012, 11:59:24 PM
Dear Indiana,

You are a bright yellow golden retreiever. You shed like a mofo. These are the two reasons I avoid you when I'm wearing black pants and skirts. It's not personal I promise, so please stop ambushing me when I sit down and stealth bombing me with fur.

Love

Me.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on June 28, 2012, 01:38:58 AM
Dear Atomic,

I love you. Your fur is so white and pure, and you are an awesome dog, even if you aren't mine. But please for the love of Bob stop barking. I understand your owner leaves you out there, and shame on him, but please please please stop barking! I can't sleep.

An exasparated neighbor
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on June 28, 2012, 10:49:47 AM
Dear Atomic,

I love you. Your fur is so white and pure, and you are an awesome dog, even if you aren't mine. But please for the love of Bob stop barking. I understand your owner leaves you out there, and shame on him, but please please please stop barking! I can't sleep.

An exasparated neighbor

Can you see the dog through the fence?  If so, stand in front of him, and when he starts to bark, loudly and sternly say, "STOP!".  The second he stops barking in reply to you saying that, start praising him.  Go completely over the top in telling him what a good boy he is, and you have to do it immediately when he stops barking.  Rinse and repeat.  Colossus and Banshee, my Akitas, picked up this trick very quickly.  The mail man could even get them to stop barking once I told him how to do it.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on June 28, 2012, 10:27:49 PM
Dear Atomic,

I love you. Your fur is so white and pure, and you are an awesome dog, even if you aren't mine. But please for the love of Bob stop barking. I understand your owner leaves you out there, and shame on him, but please please please stop barking! I can't sleep.

An exasparated neighbor

Can you see the dog through the fence?  If so, stand in front of him, and when he starts to bark, loudly and sternly say, "STOP!".  The second he stops barking in reply to you saying that, start praising him.  Go completely over the top in telling him what a good boy he is, and you have to do it immediately when he stops barking.  Rinse and repeat.  Colossus and Banshee, my Akitas, picked up this trick very quickly.  The mail man could even get them to stop barking once I told him how to do it.

Thanks for the tip Dark Magdalena.
Onto another letter:

Dear Jasper,

Yes mommy loves you. You must however quit jumping up on me. I haven't been gone 3 months, I have been out of the house for only a few hours.

Respectfully,

The giver of the treats.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on June 28, 2012, 11:20:59 PM
You're welcome, Nikko-chan,  I've a lot of them up my sleeves...and really big sleeves  ;D


Dear Banshee,

When you found your first animal part in the great mountains of Colorado, you stayed 50 yards away from us, staring as we tried to call you with the deer leg dangling from your mouth.  I then figured out why you were avoiding us: you were afraid we would yell at you for your catch.  I told you what a good girl you were and your tail immediately started going; I thought you were going to shake off it.  A few more, "Good girls!" and you came running towards us, deer leg flopping about; then you pranced around proudly and went to lie down to enjoy your prize and just how satisfied you were with yourself that Momma and Daddy were proud of you.

Since then, you have brought home 5 other animal parts.  You know I draw the line at bringing them in the house, and Daddy won't touch them to move them, but for the love of nature, will you please stop leaving them on the porch where, when I come outside to tell you to stop baring at the cows at 4 in the morning still mostly asleep and without my glasses on, I step on them?  That would be much, much appreciated.

Love,
Momma


Dear Colossus,

Alright, Goober, Jambon, Hambone, DumDum, et cetera, listen up.  There will be plenty of people here to pet you in the next couple of days.  That does not mean that they are required to pet you, so when they don't, don't come pouting to me and require extra attention.  I love you, but I see you every day.  Daddy and I both know you're a momma's boy, but you don't have to hang from my apron strings just because people aren't petting you.  It gets hard to walk with 100+ pounds constantly leaning on me and following me.

Love,
Momma
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on June 29, 2012, 12:53:21 AM
Dear Rocky,

Mommy was very grateful to you this morning for making your loudest, angriest bark at the weird noises that woke me up (later determined to be one of the neighbors slamming their own front door hard enough to make mine rattle! and subsequent movement of the neighbor to and from their own car) and then shutting up about it when I informed you that it was okay.  You were a very good watch-doggy today.

Love,
Your human who is reminded again why she has a big, loud, scary-looking black dog.  Even if he is actually more of a slobbery teddy bear than a slavering terror beast.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on June 29, 2012, 01:02:15 AM
Dear Rocky,

Mommy was very grateful to you this morning for making your loudest, angriest bark at the weird noises that woke me up (later determined to be one of the neighbors slamming their own front door hard enough to make mine rattle! and subsequent movement of the neighbor to and from their own car) and then shutting up about it when I informed you that it was okay.  You were a very good watch-doggy today.

Love,
Your human who is reminded again why she has a big, loud, scary-looking black dog.  Even if he is actually more of a slobbery teddy bear than a slavering terror beast.

This reminded me...

Dear Skeletor,

I know this was years ago, but I just want to thank you for looking big and scary.  You're half Rottweiler and half Border Collie, and you look it.  When Momma was driving the largest Budget truck they make and pulling a U-Haul car trailer, she often had to stop at the semi's side of the truck stops.  I didn't have a firearm with me because they were all at home, but you sufficed.  Every time I got out of the cab, you'd shove your face up into the window and watch me closely.  I probably don't even know how many times you saved my life, and I can't thank you enough.  Your bark probably scared away any number of offenders.

You also helped me through the hardest time of my life.  I can't thank you enough for all that you've done for me.

Oh, and you still answer to me when I call you Poopface.  You have no idea how much that makes me smile.

Love,
Momma
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lysistrata on June 29, 2012, 07:30:43 AM
Dear Piper,

Did you notice that I gave you and sister ONE rawhide chew each? That means you don't get both of them. Stop stealing your sister's treats!

Love,
Mommy


Dear Moxie,

Seriously, she's 1/3 your size! Stop letting her steal all your treats!

Love, Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on June 29, 2012, 08:59:53 AM
Dear Spencer and Tracy,

I so did not want to wake up to the oh so dulcet tones of both of you peeing on my rug. But was it necessary to also leave twin piles of poo on my side of the bed?

Shampooing the carpet at 3 am is not fun. Neither was stepping in Twin Peaks on my way to let you out. Both of you (and Daddy, too) are in the dog house.

Seriously, you get 30 minutes of yard time before bed at 10:30 and we get up at 4:30 to let you out. Not cool guys.

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Snooks on August 22, 2012, 02:23:15 PM
Thought this was the best place for this: Dog shaming (http://dogshaming.tumblr.com)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: hobish on August 22, 2012, 04:29:20 PM
Thought this was the best place for this: Dog shaming (http://dogshaming.tumblr.com)

 ;D I was just going to post this. One of Gish's Facebook friends shared it yesterday and when i finally got a chance to look at it i literally laughed so hard i cried. Hilarious.



Edited because going has an i in it, darnit. I keep doing that.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on August 22, 2012, 05:48:15 PM
Dear Jasper,

Things have been hectic and I know you need your flea and heartworm medicine. I will get it a.s.a.p I promise. But please please don't have fleas.

Thank you,

Your loving slave.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: snowfire on August 22, 2012, 09:11:57 PM
Thought this was the best place for this: Dog shaming (http://dogshaming.tumblr.com)

ROFLMAO.  All the dogs look so incredibly guilty.  And the cat couldn't care less, they don't know how to look guilty.  ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on August 23, 2012, 08:23:38 PM
I'm seriously crying I'm laughing so hard!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: guihong on August 23, 2012, 08:35:03 PM
That is now my favorite time waster website (next to Ehell, of course ;))
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: siamesecat2965 on August 24, 2012, 04:55:33 PM
And I just posted that and the cat shaming in the "Dear cat" thread.  I was dying too.  the dogs all look so guilty. A friend posted a video of him chastisding his Boston Terrier for peeing in the house, and the dog just knows.  and looks at him like "I know you're made but I also know you still love me"
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on August 24, 2012, 05:40:45 PM
Dear Hogan,

Mommy just bought those shoes. Naughty boy!

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on August 24, 2012, 07:42:31 PM
Dear Rocky,
I heard you whining faintly and got up to let you out.  Imagine my surprise when I got to the back door and you weren't waiting there.  I briefly thought "did I have a brain fart and he's already outside and just wanting back in?" Nope.  No dog on the other side of the back door either.  You then whined again.  Where was it coming from?  Did I accidentally shut you in the bathroom?  No.  You're in the kitchen, barricaded in by the lightweight plastic trash can.  The trash can that definitely was slightly fuller the last time I looked at it, and not blocking the way into the kitchen either.  I can only conjecture that you entered the kitchen, decided to go spelunking in my trash can, and in the process, pulled it to where it was blocking your path out.  Apparently, that overwhelmed your tiny little brain and made you think you were stuck in the kitchen, although I know for a fact that you've knocked the trash can over completely before - it's one of those cheap plastic ones.

Signed,
Your loving but long-suffering owner.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: misha412 on August 24, 2012, 11:47:52 PM
Dear Dagan,

I know you think you should be an only furbaby, but the fact is that the two kittens are here. They are staying. Nosing your way in every time they are getting lovies shows your jealousy. You are alpha doggy. You are the oldest. You have the right to shove them off your bed or out of your food bowl. But, constantly needing attention when the kittens are getting some is getting a bit tiring.

Love, Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: siamesecat2965 on August 25, 2012, 10:07:52 AM
Dear Diva and her big brother,
I know the rotisserie chicken I brought home today smells really good, and I'm sorry its just far enough back on the counter that you can't get at it, and the smell is driving you crazy, but its MINE, all mine.  If fed you some, chances are, it would upset your delicate tummies, and leave me messes.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MissRose on August 26, 2012, 09:32:17 AM
Dear Dude,

There is a good reason why you are held by your collar when people come in or leave my sister and boyfriend's house, its because you like to play escape artist, then someone has to go chase you down.  Its no fun chasing down a yellow-white German Shepard a few city blocks!

Sincerely,

Auntie Rose
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on August 26, 2012, 05:19:07 PM
Dear Baren:

Stop stalking the neighbor across the street!  I know he gives you treats when you see him outside the house, but stop dragging me over to his front door every time we go outside.  Just because you're cute doesn't mean that you're not being a creeper.

Sincerely,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Pippen on August 26, 2012, 05:31:48 PM
Dear Pippen, you are a bath dodger and your butt is scraggy. So is mine, but yours is worse.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on August 28, 2012, 03:16:13 AM
Rocky,
I love you to death, because you're generally a very, very good dog, but you've been annoying today.

First, yes, it has been raining on and off for a few days straight, because of TS Isaac.  I know you despise anything that gets you wet without also making you smelly (ergo, mud puddles and lake water are fine, but baths and rainwater are not), but whining because you need to do your business while simultaneously refusing to approach the door is annoying.  I do however appreciate that you will go outside when you really, really, really need to go. 

Second, that loaf of bread was in the trash can for a reason.  Besides the fact that you're allergic to wheat, and can't have bread at all, that bread was moldy.  I was impressed with the way you opened the bag to get it out though - my last bread-stealing dog would just eat the whole thing, wrapper and all.  As an addendum to this point, stay out of the trash can!

Third, the entire part of the house that you have access to is tiled, except for the wooden stairs.  That is 750+ square feet of places that you could have thrown up (possibly because of my second point) without it causing a problem for me or the cats.  Of course, you had to target the one small area that did - you upchucked in the water bowl.  The kitties were very, very, very unhappy about the state of the water and informed me of the pollutant at the top of their lungs - you may notice that it's 4 AM and I was trying to sleep.

Love,
Your very exasperated owner.  And the kitties.  Especially the kitten, who likes to snuggle with you but was very thirsty.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: sam on August 28, 2012, 02:12:05 PM
Dear Baily aka boo boo.

thanks you for staying with me when i came out of hospital after miscarrying at 11 weeks in January.  You cuddled me on the coach every time i was crying and stayed up with me when I couldn't sleep for grief. You didn't leave my side for 2 weeks.

I love you and you are the most handsome Cavalier king Charles Spaniel in the .

Love always
Mummy xx
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Missy2U on August 28, 2012, 02:27:09 PM
Dear Baren:

Stop stalking the neighbor across the street!  I know he gives you treats when you see him outside the house, but stop dragging me over to his front door every time we go outside.  Just because you're cute doesn't mean that you're not being a creeper.

Sincerely,
Mommy

My dog's name is Baron! :D

And speaking of Baron:

Dear Doglet of Love (I know - it's goofy): 

These are the situations where you get a bone:

You get a bone when we come home (if we are out for awhile)
You get one after you go out and you are empty (so to speak). 
We randomly give you one because we are feeling generous (this happens far too often so behave yourself or it will stop!)

These are sitsuations where you do NOT get a bone:

You do NOT get a bone when I come out of the bathroom
You do not get a bone when Mr2U comes out of the bathroom
You do not get a bone when someone comes down the stairs. 
You do not get a bone when someone comes in from the garage or from getting the mail. 
You do not get a bone when you go "out" and stand in the yard for ten minutes straight barking at the dog across the retention pond and accomplihs NOTHING else.

There are places where you are allowed to EAT that bone.  This is a special place called the floor.  You may NOT eat a bone in my bed or on the couch.  And Mr2U, next time you give him a bone while he's laying on the couch, YOU will be sleeping on said couch with all the crumbs.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Jones on August 28, 2012, 03:33:56 PM
From the desk of Jones
A joint memo to recipients: PD, Maxi and Anari

Dear dogs,

I know that sometimes it's hard to pretend you are still asleep when you woke up early, but seriously, pacing the bedroom door when the alarm is set to go off in 10 minutes or less is not necessary. Hold still, stretch, enjoy the warmth of the bedroom and I promise you will be allowed into the outdoors to do your business very soon. Ten minutes early may not seem like much but if you get up early, I get up early, I either take longer to get ready or I get to work early... either way my day feels twice as long.

Oh, and I know you probably think it's fascinating that I do my business in the house, but you don't have to follow me parade-style whenever I go to the bathroom. If I kick you out of the bathroom, you really don't have to sit and worry by the bathroom door until I come out. DS, aka Boo Bear, finds your pack behavior fascinating and has started making whine-bark noises when I lock him out of my room. He does NOT need to learn dog language, even if you all think it's awesome.

Thank you for reading this memo and I hope to see some progress on the items listed herein.

Jones
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on September 01, 2012, 06:57:05 PM
Dear Dogs,

Woofing at thunder won't make it go away. Really.

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 02, 2012, 12:59:43 AM
Dear Dogs,

Woofing at thunder won't make it go away. Really.

Mom

Dear Czar,

Dark Boyfriend won't let you into our bed.  That means, when it thunders, I have to climb into the previously clean guest bed, and thus stop everything else I'm doing, so that you can climb in there with me.  Then I have to talk to you, pet you, and soothe you as you shake uncontrollably because of the thunder.  Granted, it is incredibly loud where we live, but you need to get over this fear.  I wish I could help you, but at the same time, I don't want to keep washing the sheets because that is the only place that comforts you...and I don't want to always stop doing what I'm doing.

We're going to work on this.

Love,
Sister Magdalena
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: rain on September 02, 2012, 07:36:39 AM
Dear Czar,

I hate thunder too.  My mom took me to the vet (yuck) and the vet suggested some human medicine.  It works - and mom & dad give the pill to me with peanutbutter (yummy).  Maybe your vet would have a suggestion.



Love Nikki
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on September 02, 2012, 08:07:50 AM
Dear Czar, Nikki and Dr. F's dogs,

I take the ACE pill too. It makes me sleepy. But I destroy the house if I don't take it. Hogan and I also use Thundershirts.

Hope the thunder stops,
Saber
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on September 02, 2012, 09:56:11 AM
Dear Ripley,

You've grown by two collar-notches since we got you.  You were already quite large and you're going to be VERY large, or at the very least, very tall.  How on EARTH can a dog your size still be so underfoot??
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on September 02, 2012, 10:31:19 AM
Dear Czar, Nikki, Saber and Dr. F's dogs,

I am scared of the boomies too.  Mommy has to give me 2-3 peanut butter snacks with the weird crunchy thing when I hear them.  Then I don't remember anything until the next day.   Then I feel so weird, but Mommy says it's worth it because she doesn't have to clean up after me.

Baren
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: readingchick on September 04, 2012, 02:48:33 PM
Dear Marley, Ebony, and Pebbles:

As of 3 September you have a new little human to deal with. I'm sure the family does not want to hear about jealousy issues you three might have.


Your cousin,
readingchick
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gramma dishes on September 04, 2012, 02:57:16 PM
Dear Dogs,

Woofing at thunder won't make it go away. Really.

Mom

Dear Mom,

How can you say that?   ???

Obviously it DOES work!  Haven't you noticed that if we woof at the thunder really ferociously for a long, long time it ALWAYS goes away?  You should be proud of us!!

Your Brave Thunder Protection Dogs

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: oz diva on September 04, 2012, 08:22:16 PM
Dear Dog,

It's Spring, there will be birds around. Some of them will even be foolish enough to nest in your garden. Please spare your family and the neighbours by being a bit more accepting of this situation. Barking incessantly at something high up in a tree achieves nothing.

Regards
The woman what feeds you
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 10, 2012, 02:05:40 PM
Here's an article that talks about conditioning your dog not to be afraid of thunderstorms:

http://www.thestar.com/living/article/1251830--dog-training-scared-dog-can-be-taught-to-be-calm-during-storm
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MizB on September 13, 2012, 07:22:50 PM
My Dearest Toby,

I know you don't get to see me often since you chose my mom as your favoritest human in the world, but I wish you wouldn't punish me by refusing to sit on my lap. Thank you for cuddling with me all week especially since I was sick. I hate that I have to leave you so soon.

Love always,
Me
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitkatswing on September 27, 2012, 05:55:43 PM
Dear Maui,

Yes I know there's thunder, yes I know its loud.. But NO, you cannot catch it, as hard as you might try, Im sorry dear doggy, you will never catch it..

(Although it is funny to watch)..

Love,

your mum.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: GraceSullivan on September 27, 2012, 06:57:10 PM
Dear Beau,

Yes, you did prove me wrong when you were able to swallow the entire squirrel in only two large gulps as I was yelling at you to leave it.  But did you really have to vomit it up at my feet  30 minutes later?

Glad you're feeling better baby, sorry that you 'lost' your snack!  :P

Love,
Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: DistantStar on September 27, 2012, 07:01:33 PM
Dear darling neighbor puppy,

There are few cuter things than an enthusiastic young black lab.  And you are very very cute.  But every time I see you, you race towards me and jump on me.  I don't fuss over dogs that don't have four paws on the ground, I'm very small and a big dog could accidentally hurt me if they jumped on me.  You are going to be a fairly sizable dog once you have finished growing.  This also really annoys your human as he thinks this is very bad dog manners; I've assured him that while I adore dogs and especially labs, I am not going to pet you if you are jumping at me.

So stop it!  Please stop jumping!  Let me pet you and scritch behind your ears and tell you how pretty you are.  Right now all I can do is turn my back when you leap at me and it is so, so hard!  Because you're so flipping cute!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 27, 2012, 08:10:05 PM
Dear darling neighbor puppy,

There are few cuter things than an enthusiastic young black lab.  And you are very very cute.  But every time I see you, you race towards me and jump on me.  I don't fuss over dogs that don't have four paws on the ground, I'm very small and a big dog could accidentally hurt me if they jumped on me.  You are going to be a fairly sizable dog once you have finished growing.  This also really annoys your human as he thinks this is very bad dog manners; I've assured him that while I adore dogs and especially labs, I am not going to pet you if you are jumping at me.

So stop it!  Please stop jumping!  Let me pet you and scritch behind your ears and tell you how pretty you are.  Right now all I can do is turn my back when you leap at me and it is so, so hard!  Because you're so flipping cute!

Dear Neighbor Puppy,

My momma doesn't let me jump on people, but grandma does!  Grandma is my sole provider now, so I do what she says and ignore Momma.  Momma is mean and doesn't pet me unless I stop jumping, and she glares down at me until I do, with a very stern command to sit!  Then she pets me, and only then.  She's so mean!

From,
Skeletor
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on December 30, 2012, 07:32:38 PM
Dear Baxter,

I promise you that if I leave a room, I will come back.  You don't have to bark loudly enough to rattle the window panes to let me know you're lonely.

Love,
Your new permanent slave.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MinAvi on December 30, 2012, 08:05:54 PM
Dear Bailie and Lucy,

Yes, I know there are geckos and frogs in our back yard, but you have no hope of catching either. So running around like loons, barking your heads off is not really doing anything. 

You are both too slow and too dumb.

The lizards and frogs are laughing at you.

So am I.

Love,

The one who gives food.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MinAvi on December 30, 2012, 08:13:14 PM
Dear Bailie and Lucy (again!),

You are both hopeless guard dogs.

If someone opens the big squeaky front gate, walks all the way up the drive, knocks on the front door... the time to start barking is not when they are in the living room!

You were supposed to start that 10 minutes ago!

Love,

The one you entertain!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on December 30, 2012, 08:23:55 PM
Dearest Thing One and Thing Two (aka Murphy)

You are cute little pups, and your eyes have only just opened. But... while you are cute, would you refrain from farting while the humans are holding you? Puppy farts I have learned, smell worse than adult dog farts. How can such little things make such a big stink?

Sincerely,

Nikko
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mbbored on December 31, 2012, 12:02:46 AM
Dear Falcor,

How is it that you take up 2/3 of the couch? You didn't buy it and I'm pretty sure you're not even supposed to be up here.

Love,
Your well trained owner
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on December 31, 2012, 12:13:32 AM
Dear Banshee,

You are such a good girl. While the three boys couldn't control themselves even on leashes, you managed to get out of the car without one, go into the vet's office, go down the hall, and find your brother.  You even came back out of the room I told you not to go into once I called you back, meanwhile fighting two of the boys on leashes.

You're a princess.

Love,
Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: readingchick on January 02, 2013, 04:50:11 PM
Dear Tillie,

Why do you lick the recliner? I wouldn't think it tastes good.


Your sissy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on January 02, 2013, 04:56:43 PM
Dear Lucy,

I think I now know what a mama duck feels like.  Really, you can stay asleep on the sofa.  You don't have to follow me everywhere.  Also, I promise you that the shower won't kill me.

Love,
Mama Duck
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on January 02, 2013, 05:00:38 PM
Dear Hogan,

We are so happy to see you too. We missed you. Do good at training and you get to go on the next road trip.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on January 02, 2013, 05:01:45 PM
Dear Smokey,

I'm glad you're so pleased with yourself about finding me and making come on your walk with you and your dad.  You were extremely clever to recognize my car as I drove past you two, and to convince your dad to walk back to the house to see me.  I, however, am now freezing as I was dressed for work, not for a good outdoor walk.  In the future, could you maybe just be happy to see me when you get back from your walk?

Love,
your person
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on January 04, 2013, 08:29:51 PM
Dear Molly and Suzi

It was nearly 42 degrees C yesterday.  Way, way too hot to have two warm fuzzy little lap blankets.  So why oh why did you have to both choose last night to sit on my lap?

Love

your slow-roasted mum.

PS Suzi - while we're here...  was there any particular reason why you didn't like Visitor?  You acted like he was the big scary Dog Eater, but he thought you were adorable.  It's a pity that out of his 10 day stay you treated him like The Enemy for 7.  Mind you, he loved the cuddles he eventually got from you.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on January 05, 2013, 07:55:39 PM
Dear Debbie,

I know you love your little ones (aka thing one and thing two) but they need to start getting independent. They are learning to walk, and you should be proud. Instead you whine and wail because your babies are walking and you don't want them to leave you. Cut the apron strings already. It will be better for everyone. Trust me.

Your loving Auntie,

Nikko
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on January 20, 2013, 09:10:18 PM
Dear Lucy,

You have a family and they love you.  I love you too, but your boy really misses you when you run away.  Please stop running away from home so you don't make your boy sad.

Love,
The people you seem to think are your second family.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Yvaine on January 20, 2013, 09:22:12 PM
Dear Lucy,

You have a family and they love you.  I love you too, but your boy really misses you when you run away.  Please stop running away from home so you don't make your boy sad.

Love,
The people you seem to think are your second family.

Awwww. Poor doggie and poor you and poor kiddo, hugs to all. I think she loves you both.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on January 22, 2013, 12:45:27 PM
Dear Lucy,

You have a family and they love you.  I love you too, but your boy really misses you when you run away.  Please stop running away from home so you don't make your boy sad.

Love,
The people you seem to think are your second family.

Awwww. Poor doggie and poor you and poor kiddo, hugs to all. I think she loves you both.

So, we brought her back Monday morning.  This morning she came back.  I dropped her off again.  15 minutes after I got home, she's back.  Again.  She's currently snoozing on the couch.  I don't know what to do with her. I do love her, but she has a little boy that would be devastated to lose her.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: 3angels on January 22, 2013, 01:01:04 PM
My dear lovable BoBo,

I hate to be the one to break it you, but you are not human. You are a dog. Humans sit on the furniture, dogs lay on the floor. That little bit of space between me and Daddy on the couch is not for you to squeeze into and interrupt our snuggles. Speaking of which...that big bed in our room is ours. You have one in the living room. I do not appreciate waking up in the middle of the night to find you under the covers with your head on MY pillow blowing doggie breath in my face. It makes for a very rude awakening. Oh and one last thing, I like breathing. Really, I do. When you were an itty bitty puppy it was cute for you to sleep on my chest but now you weigh 45 pounds and it hurts. Please stop.

Love,
Moma

P.S. I realize you have an obsession with rocks but they belong in the yard - not in the floor for me to step on/trip over in the dark. Are we good now?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on January 23, 2013, 04:34:22 PM
Dearest Molly

Whilst I appreciate a dog with great taste in literature, please do not take it to the logical extreme.  Did you really have to try to eat my new book before I even read it?

Love always

your frustrated book buyer.

PS thanks for only eating the front cover and first few pages, you missed the important bits. x
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Iris on January 23, 2013, 05:04:19 PM
Dear Sunny,

I'm very sorry that the vet had to poke you with needles. It's for your own good, I promise. But the vet is a very nice man who loves animals. He fixed your sore leg and he helps you to not get sick. You really don't have to flinch away and cower every time he touches you, even if just to lift you down from the table.

Love
Mum
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jayhawk on January 23, 2013, 06:04:35 PM
Dear Lucy,

You have a family and they love you.  I love you too, but your boy really misses you when you run away.  Please stop running away from home so you don't make your boy sad.

Love,
The people you seem to think are your second family.

Awwww. Poor doggie and poor you and poor kiddo, hugs to all. I think she loves you both.

So, we brought her back Monday morning.  This morning she came back.  I dropped her off again.  15 minutes after I got home, she's back.  Again.  She's currently snoozing on the couch.  I don't know what to do with her. I do love her, but she has a little boy that would be devastated to lose her.

Honestly, I think she wants to be with you and will be better taken care of with you. They haven't made the effort to fix where she,s getting out.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on January 23, 2013, 06:11:16 PM
Dear Lucy,

You have a family and they love you.  I love you too, but your boy really misses you when you run away.  Please stop running away from home so you don't make your boy sad.

Love,
The people you seem to think are your second family.

Awwww. Poor doggie and poor you and poor kiddo, hugs to all. I think she loves you both.

So, we brought her back Monday morning.  This morning she came back.  I dropped her off again.  15 minutes after I got home, she's back.  Again.  She's currently snoozing on the couch.  I don't know what to do with her. I do love her, but she has a little boy that would be devastated to lose her.

Honestly, I think she wants to be with you and will be better taken care of with you. They haven't made the effort to fix where she,s getting out.

I'm starting to agree with you.  After her nap yesterday, I brought her back.  Then I had to go help my dad with some stuff.  When we came back, she was back again.  So I took her back home.  She was back before bedtime.  I let her stay here overnight and brought her back this morning.  My mother said she was back within 20 minutes.  I'm to tired to drive her back.  The worst part is the guy that owns her works for the plant nursery that surrounds the house and can see her in our yard when he drives down the road that runs parallel to our driveway.  It's not like he'd have to go very far out of his way to pick her up.  Also, he has my phone number, plus my mom's, my dad's and the house number.  He knows where she runs to.  Why hasn't he called us?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Amava on January 23, 2013, 06:18:48 PM
I think that family is sending you a rather clear message about the dog, mmswm.
But I agree with you that for their young son, it is very sad. :(
I don't think it can be helped, though. His parents just plainly don't seem to want the dog anymore. :(
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lynnv on January 23, 2013, 07:08:40 PM
Dearest Molly

Whilst I appreciate a dog with great taste in literature, please do not take it to the logical extreme.  Did you really have to try to eat my new book before I even read it?

Love always

your frustrated book buyer.

PS thanks for only eating the front cover and first few pages, you missed the important bits. x

Dear Julian,

Don't worry.  I'm just saving the rest for later.

Love and kisses,

Molly
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Yvaine on January 23, 2013, 08:10:20 PM
Dear Lucy,

You have a family and they love you.  I love you too, but your boy really misses you when you run away.  Please stop running away from home so you don't make your boy sad.

Love,
The people you seem to think are your second family.

Awwww. Poor doggie and poor you and poor kiddo, hugs to all. I think she loves you both.

So, we brought her back Monday morning.  This morning she came back.  I dropped her off again.  15 minutes after I got home, she's back.  Again.  She's currently snoozing on the couch.  I don't know what to do with her. I do love her, but she has a little boy that would be devastated to lose her.

Honestly, I think she wants to be with you and will be better taken care of with you. They haven't made the effort to fix where she,s getting out.

I'm starting to agree with you.  After her nap yesterday, I brought her back.  Then I had to go help my dad with some stuff.  When we came back, she was back again.  So I took her back home.  She was back before bedtime.  I let her stay here overnight and brought her back this morning.  My mother said she was back within 20 minutes.  I'm to tired to drive her back.  The worst part is the guy that owns her works for the plant nursery that surrounds the house and can see her in our yard when he drives down the road that runs parallel to our driveway.  It's not like he'd have to go very far out of his way to pick her up.  Also, he has my phone number, plus my mom's, my dad's and the house number.  He knows where she runs to.  Why hasn't he called us?

I think he's passively saying he doesn't really care about the poor dear and would just as soon she stays with you.

I say hang on to her unless--maybe--they actually say something to you. It'll save her the chance of getting injured in her jaunts to your place. Poor kid--does he live close enough you could do an occasional kid/dog visit?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on January 23, 2013, 08:24:24 PM
Dear Lucy,

You have a family and they love you.  I love you too, but your boy really misses you when you run away.  Please stop running away from home so you don't make your boy sad.

Love,
The people you seem to think are your second family.

Awwww. Poor doggie and poor you and poor kiddo, hugs to all. I think she loves you both.

So, we brought her back Monday morning.  This morning she came back.  I dropped her off again.  15 minutes after I got home, she's back.  Again.  She's currently snoozing on the couch.  I don't know what to do with her. I do love her, but she has a little boy that would be devastated to lose her.

Honestly, I think she wants to be with you and will be better taken care of with you. They haven't made the effort to fix where she,s getting out.

I'm starting to agree with you.  After her nap yesterday, I brought her back.  Then I had to go help my dad with some stuff.  When we came back, she was back again.  So I took her back home.  She was back before bedtime.  I let her stay here overnight and brought her back this morning.  My mother said she was back within 20 minutes.  I'm to tired to drive her back.  The worst part is the guy that owns her works for the plant nursery that surrounds the house and can see her in our yard when he drives down the road that runs parallel to our driveway.  It's not like he'd have to go very far out of his way to pick her up.  Also, he has my phone number, plus my mom's, my dad's and the house number.  He knows where she runs to.  Why hasn't he called us?

I think he's passively saying he doesn't really care about the poor dear and would just as soon she stays with you.

I say hang on to her unless--maybe--they actually say something to you. It'll save her the chance of getting injured in her jaunts to your place. Poor kid--does he live close enough you could do an occasional kid/dog visit?

Well, I tried again.  I have to pass their house to get pretty much anywhere.  I'd post a bit of GoggleMaps, to show you, but that would be far too specific and I'd rather not advertise to the entire web precisely where I live. My parents' house is in the middle of a commercial nursery.  Literally.  You have to drive down the road that splits the nursery in half, and their driveway splits off that. This particular nursery has several locations.  The man that owns the dog is the manager for this location.  He lives on the premises. The manager's house is at the intersection of the nursery road and the main road that goes into town. Both the nursery road and my parents driveway are rather long, so going by roads, you're looking at a good mile.  I'm pretty sure she cuts through the shade houses, which cuts the distance and danger substantially.

So on my way to the store, I stopped by and gave her back.  My father called me 15 minutes later to say she'd returned.  I give up.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Yvaine on January 23, 2013, 08:34:44 PM
So on my way to the store, I stopped by and gave her back.  My father called me 15 minutes later to say she'd returned.  I give up.

I think you have a dog.  :)

And it does sound like they're close enough that the kid might be able to come play once in a while. And he'll probably see the dog at your place sometimes and know she's safe and cared for, which will be a comfort to him.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gramma dishes on January 23, 2013, 08:54:01 PM

I think you have a dog.  :)

And it does sound like they're close enough that the kid might be able to come play once in a while. And he'll probably see the dog at your place sometimes and know she's safe and cared for, which will be a comfort to him.

I agree with Yvaine.  I think the dog has decided that she belongs to you.

I do feel bad for the boy she belongs to, but something is a little off there.  If she and the boy had truly bonded as kids and their dogs usually do, she would want to be "home" with him, not trotting off to your place every time she gets the chance to sneak away.

She wants you.  She can't figure out why you keep leaving her at that other place when she's trying to make it so obvious that yours is the one she has chosen.

Unless they knock on your door and demand her return, you have yourself a doggie.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: CharlieBraun on January 24, 2013, 06:32:35 AM
Dear Andy Boy,

It kills mommy that she travels so much and works late hours during busy season when she's not travleling.  But thank you for understanding that when you and daddy take her to the airport, it means she's not coming home that night.  When she heard tales that you lay in the driveway and wait for her to come home when she's overnighting, it was a heartbreaker.

On the other hand, Daddy is getting tired of dealing with your "three D's" when she is gone (depression, defiance, disobedience).  Will you ever get to the point that you know Mommy is coming back and you stop punishing Daddy for her being gone?  It's not fair to him, especially since he is patient and good to you while you are throwing your tantrums.

If you weren't so darned cute, you would be impossible.  But the way you greet either of us when we've been gone for an hour or a week - minutes of kissing the prodigal followed by racing back to the person who stayed with you and kissing them equally - is too endearing for words.  You ruined our lives, and we love you.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on January 24, 2013, 02:17:17 PM
Dearest Molly

Whilst I appreciate a dog with great taste in literature, please do not take it to the logical extreme.  Did you really have to try to eat my new book before I even read it?

Love always

your frustrated book buyer.

PS thanks for only eating the front cover and first few pages, you missed the important bits. x

Dear Julian,

Don't worry.  I'm just saving the rest for later.

Love and kisses,

Molly

Dear sweet Molly

You'll have to grow a lot taller to reach it now!  And I promise, the vet visit on Saturday isn't retaliation, it was arranged prior to the book munching.

Love
Mum
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on January 24, 2013, 02:30:18 PM
Dear Baxter,

No, you are not a neglected dog if you don't go for your "bye-byes" every day.  I promise you will survive three whole days without a car ride.

Love,

Your Driver.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on January 24, 2013, 03:18:59 PM
Dear Rocky,

I'm not really sure what to do about the cat eating your food.  However, you should really appreciate it that I buy you such high-quality dog food that the cats will sometimes go for it instead of their own cat food - a basic brand.  Why do you persist in eating the cat food some of the time?  Your consumption of entire bowls of cat food versus their consumption of a few cat-sized mouthfuls of yours do not equal out for me financially, I might add.

Also please stop with the hair-raising howling.  I'm pretty sure your paperwork says "Labrador" not "werewolf."

Love, the food dispenser.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Softly Spoken on January 25, 2013, 12:39:09 AM
To: The Ultimate Opportunist
Re: My breakfast, and the underlying loyalty issue.

That was not your cereal.  >:( I had not abandoned it, I had just gone to the bathroom.  ::)
I understand that your Overlord Stomach demands complete loyalty and obedience, but I will remind you of the following:
 your stomach does not brush your ears
 your stomach does not throw your stuffed duckey
 your stomach does not protect your from loud noises
 your stomach does not take you on fun walkies, in fact it interferes with them by causing you to eat inappropriate and/or dangerous things

We had an agreement in which you would receive two rations of food daily in exchange for presenting an image of cuteness and providing companionship. This agreement is not negotiable. You cannot subsidize your salary by begging off the books, and outright thievery such as occurred this morning will result in a reduction of your rations.

I hope those frosted flakes were worth it, you furry food-obsessed little twip.

Sincerely,
Your Long-Suffering and Ever Benevolent Mistress.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MinAvi on January 25, 2013, 08:08:03 AM
To: The Ultimate Opportunist
Re: My breakfast, and the underlying loyalty issue.

That was not your cereal.  >:( I had not abandoned it, I had just gone to the bathroom.  ::)
I understand that your Overlord Stomach demands complete loyalty and obedience, but I will remind you of the following:
 your stomach does not brush your ears
 your stomach does not throw your stuffed duckey
 your stomach does not protect your from loud noises
 your stomach does not take you on fun walkies, in fact it interferes with them by causing you to eat inappropriate and/or dangerous things

We had an agreement in which you would receive two rations of food daily in exchange for presenting an image of cuteness and providing companionship. This agreement is not negotiable. You cannot subsidize your salary by begging off the books, and outright thievery such as occurred this morning will result in a reduction of your rations.

I hope those frosted flakes were worth it, you furry food-obsessed little twip.

Sincerely,
Your Long-Suffering and Ever Benevolent Mistress.

I need a 'Like' button.

Very well written.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on January 25, 2013, 02:08:51 PM
Dear Rocky,
Your brain needs recalibration.  Dogs are supposed to beg for steak, which you gladly ignore me eating.  Dogs are not supposed to beg for bananas.  Or strawberries.  Or peaches. 

Love,
The not-sharer-of-food
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on January 25, 2013, 02:20:40 PM
Dear Lucy,

We need to have a physics lesson.  It is impossible for two objects to occupy the same space at the same time.  This means that no matter how much you try, you cannot actually occupy the same spot on the bed where I am sleeping.  You can sleep next to me, on me, at my feet, or whatever, but you will never be able to get so close as to actually be in the same spot.

Dear Baxter,

You are not a lap dog.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Yvaine on January 25, 2013, 02:23:23 PM
Dear Lucy,

We need to have a physics lesson.  It is impossible for two objects to occupy the same space at the same time.  This means that no matter how much you try, you cannot actually occupy the same spot on the bed where I am sleeping.  You can sleep next to me, on me, at my feet, or whatever, but you will never be able to get so close as to actually be in the same spot.

Dear Baxter,

You are not a lap dog.

Love,
Mommy

Dogs laugh in the face of physics, whether it's to do with occupying space or just how much dog can fit in a lap.  ;D (And it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling to think of Lucy at home with you.)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on January 25, 2013, 03:54:36 PM
Dear Dogs,

I'm sorry - I'm sick. Giving me the stink-eye because my coughing woke you up from a nice nap is just mean. Think of all the extra cuddles you're getting since I've been home!

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on January 27, 2013, 11:53:54 AM
Dear Baxter and Lucy,

An open car door is not always an invitation to go bye-bye.  Granddad is kind enough to help Mommy fix her car, and lots of little things needed to be done today.  Mommy is very happy to have a working A/C again, and will be extremely excited if she has a working window and outside door handle on the drivers' side back door.  Please let Granddad work.  This does not help him.

(http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn67/mmsw1/64990_4854786681268_1276571011_n_zps021e09d7.jpg)

I promise to take you to the doggie park as soon as he's done.

Love,

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Yvaine on January 27, 2013, 12:12:44 PM
They're so cute! "We'regoingforarideWe'regoingforarideohboy!"  ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on January 31, 2013, 10:02:02 PM
Dear Lucy,

They're my socks.  Really.  Please don't growl at me when I try to put them away, or open the sock drawer and pull them out when I do manage to sneak them away from you.

Love,

The provider of socks.

PS: Yvaine, they LOVE to go bye-bye.  It's really hysterical to watch them do everything in their power to get into a car in the hopes of going for a ride.  It's even more hysterical to watch people's reactions to me walking them.  Nearly everybody does a double take.  I suppose it's amusing to see two dogs with that extreme of a size difference being obviously good friends.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on February 01, 2013, 06:05:10 AM
Dear Dog -

I can understand why you bark at cars entering the cul de sac.  I can understand, kind of, why you bark at our cars when we come home.  I have no idea why you insist on barking at our cars when we *leave* the house.  It's not necessary you know - we know that someone has left already.  However, the grumpy look on your face when you stop barking and finally settle back down is priceless.  For that alone, I suppose we can put up with the woofing. 

Love,
Your People

PS - There was really no need to lay down on top of me when you jumped on the bed this morning.  You already had plenty of room.  You did succeed in waking me up though, which I suspect was your primary motivation. 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on February 01, 2013, 08:56:20 PM
Dear Jasper,

No. These are crackers for humans. You know, the two legged people who feed you and give you lovins? These are not doggie crackers! Quit lookin at me like that!

Your loving mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on February 20, 2013, 07:40:58 AM
Dear Baxter,

The trash men are allowed out of their truck to pick up the trash.  Please remember this.

Dear Lucy,

If you were a human, I'd nominate you for an SS award.  I'm allowed to pay attention to the other dogs.  Also, you weigh 8lbs and are not a cat.  How on earth do you manage to take up 3/4 of the bed?

Dear Sammy,

Thank you for being normal.

Love,
Mom.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Iris on February 20, 2013, 02:22:38 PM
Dear Sunny,

I understand that, as a boy dog, your territory is important to you. We never bring other boy dogs into your house because we know that makes you unhappy. Trying to claim the street outside, even across to the other side of the road, is a bit greedy though. You don't need to bark and come get me when someone walks their dog past. Really. I don't need warning. No, I will not drive them from your territory for you. They're allowed there. Try to remember that.

Love
Mum
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on March 10, 2013, 07:57:36 PM
Dear Ariel,

You can stop play bowing and woofing at Mango, the parrot. She's about 1/80th your weight, and is really not interested in playing with you. Irritate her enough and she'll bite ears and noses, though, so be careful.

The human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on March 14, 2013, 08:01:04 PM
Dear Baxter,

I know you miss your boy.  He has been gone now for four days and won't be back for at least 4 more, but probably 5 or 6.  I realize this is a major trauma for you.  He misses you to.  I do understand the bond between a boy and his dog.  Please remember though that while it's okay to be sad, it's not okay to run a nursery worker up a tree.  Granddad was not happy when he had to go out there and call you off so the poor terrified man could get out of the tree and go back to work.  This does not do us any good with keeping our friendly relationship with the nursery management friendly.

Love,
Your boy's Mom.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on April 02, 2013, 03:54:24 AM
Dear Matey:

We knew you were sick, but never how much until you left. How did you manage to hide being diabetic for 6 months, all the while running and playing and chasing your dumbell until just after christmas, and only 2 weeks before you went?

Dear Sam:

You are a loveable, goofy, Rotty boy, and as soon as your Human works out how to post pics, she'll show the world that photo of you when you decided to be silly. But can you PLEASE stop eating your Humans thongs? They're only rubber, and it might do evil things to your tummy if you keep it up. And it's getting expensive to replace them.

Your (barefoot) Human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lexophile on April 02, 2013, 12:01:28 PM
My Dearest Curly Joe:

I know I spent three days away from the house. That was a month ago. Your presence in the kitchen/bathroom/my face *every time I take a step* is really no longer necessary. Point made. Now go lay down.

Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RebeccainGA on April 02, 2013, 12:11:14 PM
Dear Schroder,

I know that, as a seven pound dog, you really DO fit most places in the house with ease, and because you are so smart as to be a service animal, you can even go most places when we go on trips to help, so you're almost never alone. But we don't need you on duty all the time, and so when we leave you at home because we're going to the mall or dinner and have the audacity to put you in your (giant, well supplied, comfy) crate, that doesn't mean that we're never coming back or that you're being punished? Why, then, do the neighbors think we have some small medieval torture device we put you on when we leave? I didn't think that much noise could come out of a dog that small!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Snooks on April 02, 2013, 02:23:03 PM
Dear Matey:

We knew you were sick, but never how much until you left. How did you manage to hide being diabetic for 6 months, all the while running and playing and chasing your dumbell until just after christmas, and only 2 weeks before you went?

Dear Sam:

You are a loveable, goofy, Rotty boy, and as soon as your Human works out how to post pics, she'll show the world that photo of you when you decided to be silly. But can you PLEASE stop eating your Humans thongs? They're only rubber, and it might do evil things to your tummy if you keep it up. And it's getting expensive to replace them.

Your (barefoot) Human

Was very glad to see you were from Australia after reading that.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on April 04, 2013, 04:01:33 PM
Dear Baxter,

The kids are allowed to swim in the pool.  I don't understand why you love the ocean so much yet think the swimming pool is liquid evil, but rest assured the adults have taught all the kids how to swim and are properly supervising them.  You do not have to follow them around, barking at them, and you really don't have to jump in the pool to drag them out when they dive.  I promise they'll be okay.

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bottlecaps on April 04, 2013, 04:08:16 PM
Dear Matey:

We knew you were sick, but never how much until you left. How did you manage to hide being diabetic for 6 months, all the while running and playing and chasing your dumbell until just after christmas, and only 2 weeks before you went?

Dear Sam:

You are a loveable, goofy, Rotty boy, and as soon as your Human works out how to post pics, she'll show the world that photo of you when you decided to be silly. But can you PLEASE stop eating your Humans thongs? They're only rubber, and it might do evil things to your tummy if you keep it up. And it's getting expensive to replace them.

Your (barefoot) Human

Was very glad to see you were from Australia after reading that.

LOL! My boyfriend's brother has a dog that prefers the other kind. :-P So, unfortunately for his girlfriend, she's constantly having to buy new undies!

Dear Ginger,

While we love that you get excited when we get home and love knowing that you missed us, could you please tone it down a couple of notches? Or at least make it not-so-high-pitched? We love our ears and don't want them to give out anytime soon.

Love,
Mom & Dad
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on April 04, 2013, 05:58:39 PM
Dear Suzi

My bed.  Mine!  OK?  I'm happy to share with you and Molly, but for Dog's sake, when I come to bed, move out of my spot.  Don't just roll over on your back for a belly rub and stay there (while I laugh myself silly at you).

Love
Your over-indulgent mum.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on April 04, 2013, 06:10:40 PM
Dear Suzi

My bed.  Mine!  OK?  I'm happy to share with you and Molly, but for Dog's sake, when I come to bed, move out of my spot.  Don't just roll over on your back for a belly rub and stay there (while I laugh myself silly at you).

Love
Your over-indulgent mum.

Dear Mum,

Yeah, this idea you have that the bed is yours? Not a chance.  I only let you think that because you do give me belly rubs and feed me the good food.  But, just so we're clear, the bed is mine and I let you sleep in it because I'm a nice dog.

Love,
Suzi
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on April 04, 2013, 06:34:32 PM
Dear Suzi

My bed.  Mine!  OK?  I'm happy to share with you and Molly, but for Dog's sake, when I come to bed, move out of my spot.  Don't just roll over on your back for a belly rub and stay there (while I laugh myself silly at you).

Love
Your over-indulgent mum.

Dear Mum,

Yeah, this idea you have that the bed is yours? Not a chance.  I only let you think that because you do give me belly rubs and feed me the good food.  But, just so we're clear, the bed is mine and I let you sleep in it because I'm a nice dog.

Love,
Suzi

 ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lynnv on April 04, 2013, 07:49:53 PM
Dear Baxter,

The kids are allowed to swim in the pool.  I don't understand why you love the ocean so much yet think the swimming pool is liquid evil, but rest assured the adults have taught all the kids how to swim and are properly supervising them.  You do not have to follow them around, barking at them, and you really don't have to jump in the pool to drag them out when they dive.  I promise they'll be okay.

Love,
Mom

Dear Mom,

I am pretty sure I saw Alice Cooper hanging around the pool.  And he was carrying the giant can of liquid evil from this movie:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093777/ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093777/)

Which means the pool cannot be trusted.  No pool can be trusted.  Alice Cooper dumped liquid evil into it.  And you missed it because you were doing something silly. 

Many slobbery hugs,
Baxter
The Ever Vigilant
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on April 04, 2013, 08:27:14 PM
Dear Baxter,

The kids are allowed to swim in the pool.  I don't understand why you love the ocean so much yet think the swimming pool is liquid evil, but rest assured the adults have taught all the kids how to swim and are properly supervising them.  You do not have to follow them around, barking at them, and you really don't have to jump in the pool to drag them out when they dive.  I promise they'll be okay.

Love,
Mom

Dear Mom,

I am pretty sure I saw Alice Cooper hanging around the pool.  And he was carrying the giant can of liquid evil from this movie:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093777/ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093777/)

Which means the pool cannot be trusted.  No pool can be trusted.  Alice Cooper dumped liquid evil into it.  And you missed it because you were doing something silly. 

Many slobbery hugs,
Baxter
The Ever Vigilant

Bwahahahahahaha.  Thanks for that.  I really needed the laugh. :)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MissRose on April 05, 2013, 10:59:27 AM
Dear Coco (my sister and boyfriend)'s dog,

Please learn to stop jumping on people and licking them.  I know your owners are trying to stop you from doing so as they are responsible doggy parents.

Also, no need to hide from people that come over like my dad.  He really loves all of the dogs, and would like to be able to pet you also.

Love,

Auntie Rose (and provider of occasional treats to all 4 dogs: Keeta, Banana, Dude and Coco)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on April 06, 2013, 10:45:53 PM
Dear Rocky,
Please stop digging in the kitchen garbage.  Furthermore, stop chewing on empty tuna/cat food/etc cans.  I'm afraid that you're going to break a tooth one of these days, but so far, all you're breaking are the cans.
Love, Mommy to the metal-eating-monster-dog. 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on April 09, 2013, 06:16:28 PM
Dear Pelon,

Why do you beg to lick my plates when I eat curry? You *know* vindaloo makes you sneeze, but you eat it anyway, goof.

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on April 09, 2013, 08:53:57 PM
Dear Pelon,

Why do you beg to lick my plates when I eat curry? You *know* vindaloo makes you sneeze, but you eat it anyway, goof.

Mommy

Curry has smells.  Smells by definition are good, so it means I should eat whatever you have that smells!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on April 09, 2013, 09:07:38 PM
Dear Baxter,

Thank you for being every so vigilant in your duties.  While I do appreciate everything you do, is there any way I can train you to take the dead snakes, raccoons, and possums away from the property instead of leaving them by the front door?

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on April 10, 2013, 05:32:39 AM
Quote
Dear Sam:

You are a loveable, goofy, Rotty boy, and as soon as your Human works out how to post pics, she'll show the world that photo of you when you decided to be silly. But can you PLEASE stop eating your Humans thongs? They're only rubber, and it might do evil things to your tummy if you keep it up. And it's getting expensive to replace them.

Your (barefoot) Human

And here's the photo that proves it . . .

https://www.dropbox.com/home?select=dippysam.jpg

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on April 10, 2013, 09:47:09 PM
Quote
Dear Sam:

You are a loveable, goofy, Rotty boy, and as soon as your Human works out how to post pics, she'll show the world that photo of you when you decided to be silly. But can you PLEASE stop eating your Humans thongs? They're only rubber, and it might do evil things to your tummy if you keep it up. And it's getting expensive to replace them.

Your (barefoot) Human

And here's the photo that proves it . . .

https://www.dropbox.com/home?select=dippysam.jpg

its telling me i have to sign in or get an account to view it.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on April 11, 2013, 09:23:19 AM
Dear Daisy,

I know you're in heat, but stop bugging your brothers. A) They're neutered and don't know what you want, and B) You're a cocker spaniel. They are an Australian shephard and a Belgian sheepdog. The mechanics of this really, really don't work.

Dear Skipper,

Make dad play ball with you more often. He needs it.

Dear Rufus,

You are an adorable snuggle baby and I love you very much. Just please don't jump on mom. She's kind of fragile.


Love,
Me
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on April 11, 2013, 09:56:38 PM
Dear Jasper,

I love it when you lay with me and you snuffle and shift. It is cute. What is not cute is when your paw goes into my mouth and your nail hooks onto my gum and goes down my tooth. It hurts. Luckily I got your nails clipped recently so no blood was shed. But uh... could you not do that anymore? Please?

Your loving owner
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on April 11, 2013, 09:59:23 PM
Dear Nikko-chan,

As your loyal, loving companion, I'm just trying to make sure that you don't have any critical dental issues.  I will try to be more gentle in the future.

Love,
Jasper.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on April 22, 2013, 08:07:15 PM
Dear Sam:

You are a loveable, dippy dog -- and we have the photo to prove it!

Your highly amused Humans . . . .

(http://i1313.photobucket.com/albums/t551/Felicity_Carthew/dippysam_zps984fc0ae.jpg) (http://s1313.photobucket.com/user/Felicity_Carthew/media/dippysam_zps984fc0ae.jpg.html)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on April 22, 2013, 08:55:46 PM
Dear Jasper,

I forgot to mention how proud I am of you! When my friend came over with her dog Buddy and we went for a walk with the both of you, you were very calm, and you didn't growl or try to bite his face off. Good job!

Love,

Mommy


Dear Holly,

You are the calmest girl in that house. Please stay that way.

Regards,

Nikko


Dear Buddy,

It is not polite to jump on someone when they enter your home. I know you are excited to see me, but you weigh like 75 lbs. I barely weigh 90 wet. Stop it.

Sincerely,

Nikko


Dear Debbie,

Quit jumping around like a rabbit that got into the sugar cubes. You are a lady, act like one!

Thank you,

Nikko


Dear Domino,

Thank you for being normal. How do you stand to live in that house?

Love,

Nikko
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on April 26, 2013, 11:28:48 PM

When Max grows up, he wants to be a police dog . . . .

(http://i1313.photobucket.com/albums/t551/Felicity_Carthew/IMAG0037_zps7ee12233.jpg) (http://s1313.photobucket.com/user/Felicity_Carthew/media/IMAG0037_zps7ee12233.jpg.html)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on April 27, 2013, 06:56:32 AM
How cute!!!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on April 27, 2013, 03:29:45 PM
Dear Dogs,

I know there are three of you and only one of me, but could you scooch over just a bit so that I can fit onto the couch, too, and not have to perch on the very edge?

Mommy

Dear Ariel,

I swear, trying to keep you in the backyard is like trying to build a better mousetrap! How the heck did you manage to escape this time? At least the nice people who own your German Shepherd friend brought you back to me. Now I just have to reinforce the boundaries yet again.

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: KB on April 27, 2013, 05:46:10 PM
Dear Dogs,

I know there are three of you and only one of me, but could you scooch over just a bit so that I can fit onto the couch, too, and not have to perch on the very edge?

Mommy

Dear Ariel,

I swear, trying to keep you in the backyard is like trying to build a better mousetrap! How the heck did you manage to escape this time? At least the nice people who own your German Shepherd friend brought you back to me. Now I just have to reinforce the boundaries yet again.

Mom

Dear Mom

While you're trying to reinforce the backyard, we won't have to worry about making room for you on the couch.

Love

The Dogs
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on April 27, 2013, 06:24:09 PM
Dear Bubbles (Formerly Baxter),

No, I am not physically capable of running every day.  Please stop ripping your leash off the wall, dumping it in my lap, then going to retrieve my running shoes.  You will have to wait until Monday.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on April 28, 2013, 06:30:26 PM
Dear Pelon,

I can accept your vindaloo obsession, but licking straight gochujang* off of the floor where I dripped? You're insane. Don't you know that dogs aren't supposed to like spicy food?

Your confused mom

*a Korean spicy red pepper paste, along the lines of sriracha.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: blue2000 on April 28, 2013, 11:19:56 PM
Dear Pelon,

I can accept your vindaloo obsession, but licking straight gochujang* off of the floor where I dripped? You're insane. Don't you know that dogs aren't supposed to like spicy food?

Your confused mom

*a Korean spicy red pepper paste, along the lines of sriracha.

<snicker>

Reminds me of a friend's cat - she got some bitter spray to keep him from chewing on ribbons/electrical cords/etc. He LOVED it. He'd go after whatever she sprayed it on. :P
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on May 03, 2013, 05:32:23 PM
Dear Bubbles,

Thank you for your constant vigilance in keeping us safe from all intruders, however, planting your front paws on the top of the AT&T truck and physically blocking the tech from closing his door* so he could call Granddad to come call you off so he can fix our TV is a bit overkill.

Love,
Mommy

*We pulled in from a Walmart run and the dog had his front paws on the roof of the truck, belly pressed against the door opening and was staring down the poor tech. I opened my car door and called to the dog, then said hello to the tech and the dog had an instant change of attitude.  In about 2 nanoseconds he went from crazy giant dog who was not going to let ANYBODY past him to "OHMYGOODNESS! A Person!  He should pet me and give me love!"  The poor tech was shocked at how fast the dog changed personalities.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on May 03, 2013, 06:06:48 PM
Dear Bubbles (Formerly Baxter),

No, I am not physically capable of running every day.  Please stop ripping your leash off the wall, dumping it in my lap, then going to retrieve my running shoes.  You will have to wait until Monday.

Love,
Mommy

Why the name change?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on May 03, 2013, 06:09:37 PM
Dear Bubbles (Formerly Baxter),

No, I am not physically capable of running every day.  Please stop ripping your leash off the wall, dumping it in my lap, then going to retrieve my running shoes.  You will have to wait until Monday.

Love,
Mommy

Why the name change?

For the same reason my cat (RIP) went from Humphrey to Booger: My boys are crazy. Oldest son started calling him Bubba, then youngest son took that and went with Bubbles.  He's answers to Bubbles.  It stuck.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on May 03, 2013, 11:10:38 PM
Dear Jasper,

You were adorable laying in Cousin's temporary room! I know you love that rug because it is nice and cool on a hot day, but for the love of bob... please don't chew on Cousin's socks! And if you do, leave the evidence where it was originally and no one will be the wiser. Don't bring it out into the hallway so mommy has to pick it up, and realize it is slightly damp. That means mommy will have to put on her 'chastising voice'. I hate doing that.

Your loving (and disgusted) mommy,

Nikko
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on May 07, 2013, 04:43:03 PM
Dear Ariel,

It is NOT necessary to squeal like a stuck pig from the upstairs bedroom window just because I took your brother (adoptive) for a walk instead of you. You KNOW you take turns so that I can work on everyone's sitting and heeling skills independently. Did you really have to alert the whole neighborhood that you were unhappy about not getting a walk today? They probably thought I was torturing you.

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on May 08, 2013, 10:00:20 AM
Dear Bubbles,

The trash men are allowed to remove the trash from the property.  We also like our trash men very much.  They are great people and we even bake them cheesecakes for Christmas and their birthdays.  You don't need to bark at them every Wednesday morning.

Thanks,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on May 08, 2013, 10:08:07 AM
Dear Baren:

When we go visit your human friends, please don't fluffy in their house.  Also, don't eat their cats' food just because it's there. 

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: wheeitsme on May 08, 2013, 01:49:03 PM
Dear Melody,

Not every dog wants to play with you.  Especially those small, fluffy ones that have retractable claws.

Mom.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on May 08, 2013, 10:24:22 PM
Dear Melody,

Those small fluffy 'dogs' with retractable claws are actually called cats. It might be best if you stayed away from them.

Sincerely,

Jasper
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on May 09, 2013, 06:26:35 AM

Dear Max:

We appreciate that you like bouncing around the countryside on those long legs. But could you please NOT skip up to the front-yard fence and then *boing* over it like a gazelle.

True, the neighbours found it amusing, especially when you showed off by dancing sideways to it and *boing-ing* back. But this sort of thing could get you into trouble. And it gives your mum the heebie-jeebies.

Your loving Human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Amava on May 09, 2013, 06:27:47 AM

Dear Max:

We appreciate that you like bouncing around the countryside on those long legs. But could you please NOT skip up to the front-yard fence and then *boing* over it like a gazelle.

True, the neighbours found it amusing, especially when you showed off by dancing sideways to it and *boing-ing* back. But this sort of thing could get you into trouble. And it gives your mum the heebie-jeebies.

Your loving Human

We seriously need a "tip post" feature on here.
This made me laugh so hard... Thanks!  ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on May 09, 2013, 11:22:36 AM

Dear Max:

We appreciate that you like bouncing around the countryside on those long legs. But could you please NOT skip up to the front-yard fence and then *boing* over it like a gazelle.

True, the neighbours found it amusing, especially when you showed off by dancing sideways to it and *boing-ing* back. But this sort of thing could get you into trouble. And it gives your mum the heebie-jeebies.

Your loving Human

We seriously need a "tip post" feature on here.
This made me laugh so hard... Thanks!  ;D

Dear Max,

I know bounding over the fence like a pretty dancer is fun.  I do it all the time, and my mommy scolds me about it too.  Granddad is actually installing an 8 foot fence to keep me from playing with the nursery workers.  I don't understand why they all get scared when I jump over the fence, but Mommy, Granddad and Oma all say I should stay inside.  I don't really agree with them. We'll just have to be miserable together, staying on our own side of our fences.

Love, Bubbles.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: *inviteseller on May 09, 2013, 11:46:53 AM
Dear Brook,
I am so happy we were able to rescue you last year.  Your former owner was a nice guy who loved you, but at 11, you should no longer be living in a van with a pot head traveling around the country.  I am glad you came in and loved the kids and cats right  away (and surprisingly they love you even though they hadn't been around a dog before).  It is sweet when you let Sophie lick your paws and Lola curls up with you,  you handle Jezebel's mood swings well (yeah, I heard the growl the other day but I chose to ignore it because she had it coming), and you gladly sleep on the hard floor when Mr. B takes your bed and won't let you in.  But...you have a few habits we need to discuss.  You have gained weight in the 8 months since you came to us..yeah you weren't svelte when we got you but we may have been a bit overboard in the treats..sweetheart you no longer have a neck and when you stand on my foot you are crushing it.  Labs are big, but you are supersize and you are on a diet, like it or not.  The new food isn't that bad..you eat cat poop for goodness sakes so you can't be all that picky!  And it may be the food, or the cat poop but darling you can clear a room and I know you are sorry but don't look at us like we are being mean when we are holding our faces and running from the room.  And for the love of all that's holy, can you go to another room to do that when we have company?  The poor lady was gagging!!!  Also, that room at the top of the steps?  The one with the big white thing that holds water that we want to get you in at least every few months? It is called a bathroom, not a dog's house of horrors.  It takes a half hour to get you up the steps (and a lot of dog treats) and then you go protestor limp so I have to get you in the tub.  You are over 100 lbs and I am not that big...work with me because you always feel better when the torture is over.  The new baby kittens are just that , real live baby kittens.  I know they make noises like your favorite chew toy but they are real.  You get so excited when I let you see them and you keep licking them but they are 4 weeks old and they are not sure if you are friend or foe and if you see them as friend or appetizer.  Sit down and let them see you instead of tasting them!

Your pooper scooper and ear scritcher
*inviteseller
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on May 09, 2013, 05:41:56 PM
Dear Pelon,

Why is it necessary to get a mouthful of kibble from your bowl in the kitchen and t take it to the living room, spit it out on the rug and THEN eat it? It's the same kibble no matter where you eat it. It's not even like you do this only when your sister is guarding her food bowl - you do it all the time!

Your confused mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on May 09, 2013, 05:53:29 PM
Dear Pelon,

Why is it necessary to get a mouthful of kibble from your bowl in the kitchen and t take it to the living room, spit it out on the rug and THEN eat it? It's the same kibble no matter where you eat it. It's not even like you do this only when your sister is guarding her food bowl - you do it all the time!

Your confused mommy

Dear Pelon,

It's okay to eat your food that way.  I understand.  I drive my own mommy nuts because I bring my food to the couch and then occasionally lose a piece of kibble between the couch cushions then have to go digging in the couch to find them.

Love,
Lucy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on May 09, 2013, 06:28:22 PM
Dear Pelon,

Why is it necessary to get a mouthful of kibble from your bowl in the kitchen and t take it to the living room, spit it out on the rug and THEN eat it? It's the same kibble no matter where you eat it. It's not even like you do this only when your sister is guarding her food bowl - you do it all the time!

Your confused mommy

Dear Pelon

Don't worry, I do that too.  And my sister Molly does it with chunks of wet food.  We like to eat in the loungeroom with the rest of the family.  What's wrong with that?

Also it helps to be in the right place when Mum or Nan finish their meals - hello, leftovers!!!   ;D

Luv
Suzi
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: wheeitsme on May 09, 2013, 06:30:47 PM
Dear Brook,
I am so happy we were able to rescue you last year.  Your former owner was a nice guy who loved you, but at 11, you should no longer be living in a van with a pot head traveling around the country.  I am glad you came in and loved the kids and cats right  away (and surprisingly they love you even though they hadn't been around a dog before).  It is sweet when you let Sophie lick your paws and Lola curls up with you,  you handle Jezebel's mood swings well (yeah, I heard the growl the other day but I chose to ignore it because she had it coming), and you gladly sleep on the hard floor when Mr. B takes your bed and won't let you in.  But...you have a few habits we need to discuss.  You have gained weight in the 8 months since you came to us..yeah you weren't svelte when we got you but we may have been a bit overboard in the treats..sweetheart you no longer have a neck and when you stand on my foot you are crushing it.  Labs are big, but you are supersize and you are on a diet, like it or not.  The new food isn't that bad..you eat cat poop for goodness sakes so you can't be all that picky!  And it may be the food, or the cat poop but darling you can clear a room and I know you are sorry but don't look at us like we are being mean when we are holding our faces and running from the room.  And for the love of all that's holy, can you go to another room to do that when we have company?  The poor lady was gagging!!!  Also, that room at the top of the steps?  The one with the big white thing that holds water that we want to get you in at least every few months? It is called a bathroom, not a dog's house of horrors.  It takes a half hour to get you up the steps (and a lot of dog treats) and then you go protestor limp so I have to get you in the tub.  You are over 100 lbs and I am not that big...work with me because you always feel better when the torture is over.  The new baby kittens are just that , real live baby kittens.  I know they make noises like your favorite chew toy but they are real.  You get so excited when I let you see them and you keep licking them but they are 4 weeks old and they are not sure if you are friend or foe and if you see them as friend or appetizer.  Sit down and let them see you instead of tasting them!

Your pooper scooper and ear scritcher
*inviteseller

Dear Brook,

Has your Mom put in a tub toy with you?  My favorite on is an empty water bottle with the top back on (It won't stay under water no matter how hard I try!)

-Melody Puddles-
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on May 09, 2013, 06:35:49 PM
Dear Pelon, Lucy, and Suzi,

I've been doing this since I was a pup.  I think I may have picked up on it from the older dog I lived with for awhile.  It drove my mom nuts because she'd step on pieces all over the house and shout like she had stepped on a lego in her bare feet!  Maybe I just wanted to make sure no one would take my food from me, I don't know, but hearing mom yowl was priceless!

Love,

Skeletor
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on May 09, 2013, 10:01:48 PM
Dear Brook,

I used to pretend to be the bathrug when I needed a bath, so Daddy had to pick me up, until Mommy and Daddy split up and Mommy decided she was not lifting 80 pounds of Labrador into the tub.  Mommy fed me an entire jar of cat treats while teaching me to get in the tub on command.  I still have to be herded into the bathroom, but once the bathroom door is shut behind me, I will get in the tub when Mommy tells me.  I give her the sadface while she gives me a bath.

Love,
Rocky


Dear Brook,
I am so happy we were able to rescue you last year.  Your former owner was a nice guy who loved you, but at 11, you should no longer be living in a van with a pot head traveling around the country.  I am glad you came in and loved the kids and cats right  away (and surprisingly they love you even though they hadn't been around a dog before).  It is sweet when you let Sophie lick your paws and Lola curls up with you,  you handle Jezebel's mood swings well (yeah, I heard the growl the other day but I chose to ignore it because she had it coming), and you gladly sleep on the hard floor when Mr. B takes your bed and won't let you in.  But...you have a few habits we need to discuss.  You have gained weight in the 8 months since you came to us..yeah you weren't svelte when we got you but we may have been a bit overboard in the treats..sweetheart you no longer have a neck and when you stand on my foot you are crushing it.  Labs are big, but you are supersize and you are on a diet, like it or not.  The new food isn't that bad..you eat cat poop for goodness sakes so you can't be all that picky!  And it may be the food, or the cat poop but darling you can clear a room and I know you are sorry but don't look at us like we are being mean when we are holding our faces and running from the room.  And for the love of all that's holy, can you go to another room to do that when we have company?  The poor lady was gagging!!!  Also, that room at the top of the steps?  The one with the big white thing that holds water that we want to get you in at least every few months? It is called a bathroom, not a dog's house of horrors.  It takes a half hour to get you up the steps (and a lot of dog treats) and then you go protestor limp so I have to get you in the tub.  You are over 100 lbs and I am not that big...work with me because you always feel better when the torture is over.  The new baby kittens are just that , real live baby kittens.  I know they make noises like your favorite chew toy but they are real.  You get so excited when I let you see them and you keep licking them but they are 4 weeks old and they are not sure if you are friend or foe and if you see them as friend or appetizer.  Sit down and let them see you instead of tasting them!

Your pooper scooper and ear scritcher
*inviteseller
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on May 10, 2013, 04:16:26 AM

Dear Sam:

We know you're not the brightest bulb in the box. But you have got us a little confuddled.

You race around the back yard at the speed of light, leap off and on the stacked cement slabs under the kitchen windows, piroette on the cement patio like Neucheyev, and out-run a startled rabbit across the school oval.

So HOW on earth are you managing to keep the middle nail on your right front paw so long? Seriously --  every other nail is a short little stub on your well-exercised feet, except that one, which is almost as long as my little finger.

What are you doing? Joining some doggy cult?

Your very curious and slightly impressed hooman.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: *inviteseller on May 10, 2013, 10:45:26 PM
Dear Rocky & Melody Puddles,
     Mommy uses a giant rawhide and bacon strips and I sloooooowly make my way up the steps (I don't like them either) and she puts a big towel in so I don't slide but I don't care how many snausages she places in there..I am not going willingly!!!!  I would never bite or growl or fight but if she wants me to smell better, she gets to do the lifting to get me in.  There is the good part though...she always forgets to close her bedroom door and I run in there for good shakes and rolls on her beige comforter.  It is amazing to hear her say No about 50 times without taking a breath!
Brook
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Black Delphinium on May 11, 2013, 07:00:34 AM
Dear Brook-
Sounds like Mommy needs a checklist. My servants use one.

Miss Maya Amano the Kitty
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: readingchick on May 12, 2013, 05:22:51 PM
Dear Eddie,

That nasty whiff I caught earlier? Since your fur-sister didn't do it and I didn't do it, the guilty party must be you. Maybe Mommy and Daddy need to change your diet a little bit?


Your human sister
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on May 22, 2013, 04:01:06 AM
Dear Eddie,

That nasty whiff I caught earlier? Since your fur-sister didn't do it and I didn't do it, the guilty party must be you. Maybe Mommy and Daddy need to change your diet a little bit?


Dear Eddie:

I was also accused of inpersonating a gas giant several times over the past few weeks. After a few days of threatening to change my name to "Jupiter", my mummy changed our pigs ear treats to vege-ears, and I stopped smelling. She says they're at both our local favourite doggy stores, and are apparently a 'soy-something' shaped like ears.

Personally, I thought smelling like a really awesome rotty guy might get me them local ladies who trot past our yard, but my silly hoomans disagreed.

Love, Sam
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MissRose on May 22, 2013, 09:42:44 AM
Dear Coco,

You are a lovely young dog, but you could please learn to stop jumping on people despite your wonderful pet parents trying to teach you not to do so.

Love,

Auntie Rose
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on May 22, 2013, 04:43:42 PM
Dear Rocky,

Why do you refuse to go in the bathroom when I want to bathe you, but refuse to leave it when the weather is bad?  You can't think of it as both a scary place and a safe one!

Love,

Your confused food-service-person
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on May 22, 2013, 07:47:36 PM
Dear Buddy,

I have a stupid question for you. The tile in the walkway in the front door, the kitchen, and the hallway to our bedrooms is the same. You had no problems coming in the door, and you most certainly had no problems at all licking out of Jasper's water dish that is in the kitchen. Then you trotted over to my room, over the same tile floor, and then into my mom's room. There you stayed whimpering pitifully until your mom called you. over and over again. We figured out you were scared of the tile.... how does that even work!?

Also: I thought you were hysterical the other day when I took you out to potty. The little jack russell across the street was barking at you, and you stood there, whimpering and peeing at the same time. You are a dork dog, but I love you. By the way, that tiny jack russell? You could have eaten him for breakfast.

Sincerely,

She who gives you walkies.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on May 22, 2013, 08:27:12 PM
Dear Molly

I know dogs make smellies - most things with intestinal tracts do.  However, t'other night you were beyond smelly.  And you chose to be beyond smelly while you were on my lap.  Constantly.

Girl, unless you want to go vego for a while, shift it when you get the fluffs.

Love

She with the peg on her nose...
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on May 25, 2013, 01:22:46 AM

Dear Max and Sam (AKA The Demon Twins)

Alright, listen up you pair of ratbags! 0530am is not mummies brightest time of the day. In fact, she is notorious for loathing ANY time with an AM in it. Consequently, when the alarm goes off, it is because that's when the chickens wake up and demand to be let out or they lay their eggs in their soil tray. It is NOT because of some human desire to see dawn.

So, please cease all dancing on the groggy human! When you were little, coming in and putting your paws up on the edge of the bed and yipping was cute. Now you're roughly the size and weight of small trolls, jumping up on the bed to perform an enthusiastic rhumba as you wake me up as if you haven't seen me for a year is boardering on exaggeration.

Therefore, from now on, when the alarm goes off and you hear a Human flailing around, all that is required is a polite 'wuff' as you go to wait beside the back door to be let out. Anything else is getting carried away.

You may now continue snoozing in the sunbeams......

Fliss, who wants just one morning to sleep in . . .
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: cwm on May 25, 2013, 12:54:24 PM
Dear Heidi and Nerissa,

I realize I only get to watch you when your actual parents are gone. I realize I spoil you rotten while I'm here and you love seeing me. But for the sake of all that is holy, do we really all need to sit in the same armchair?

Also, just because I go to the couch to stretch out, it doesn't mean that you can come lay on my legs. And when I get up to use the bathroom, it doesn't give you the right to stretch out yourselves. I realize it's a nice warm spot. I want it back.

Love,

Your Part Time Servant
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on May 25, 2013, 07:55:50 PM
Dear Buddy,

I enjoyed my time with you and your mommy last night. It was fun. But something must have crawled up inside you and died, because that was awful, and nearly killed your mommy and me. If in future you need to do such things, could you please leave the room? We would forever be grateful.

Sincerely,

Mommy and the dog walker
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on May 25, 2013, 08:39:19 PM
Dear Rocky,

So you turned your dog bed into clouds of useless fluff the other day.  In the kitchen, where you had dragged it while I was at work.  I dealt with it by ordering pizza to deal with my immediate problem of needing to make dinner, and then tackled the project of locating the kitchen floor.  I discovered in the process that you had emptied my trash can and hidden most of the contents under the ruins of your bed.  This was not the grossest mess I've ever had to clean up, but it was one of the grossest not involving, uh, previously digested organic material.

On top of that, since I haven't purchased a new bed for you since then, you decided today while I was trying to gather my dirty laundry from the bathroom for a washing that you would take an afternoon nap in my half-full laundry basket.  I hate to break it to you, dog, but that laundry basket is not meant to hold 80ish pounds of Labrador.  It is my big laundry basket and you almost fit in it, but...not quite.  Not only do you look funny, but since you kept mommy from doing laundry earlier, mommy has to do laundry now, since you're finally done napping.

Also, you are barking for no good reason right now.

Remind me why I buy you dog food again?

Love?,
Mom

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on May 25, 2013, 08:55:53 PM

Max!

Ok, what's gotten into you?

Those black things on my feet at night are called "socks". They keep my feet warm at night. You have seen them before. Eating them would be bad for your insides, trust me. So, there is no need for you to slowly and gently try and tug them off my feet while I'm sleeping tonight like you did last night.

Keep this up, and the two of you are going back to training school!

Fliss
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RebeccainGA on May 28, 2013, 01:44:31 PM
Schroder, I know that you are 'off duty' and free to not be a Service Dog (TM). I also know that yes, your 'wedding tackle' is intact for the time being (but don't get too used to it, bub!). However, Abby dog is both not possessed of her own working bits, nor are you fewer than 10 inches shorter than her. Please stop trying to climb aboard and play Scrabble!!! You'd need a stepstool or a miracle, or both!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: *inviteseller on May 28, 2013, 02:20:11 PM
Dear Brook,
It is sweet that you like the foster kitties and get so excited when you see them.  But, you are a massive yellow lab (sorry, you no longer have a neck, there is no nice way to put it) and they are just 6 weeks old and very tiny so when you try to nuzzle them, you smoosh them.  That is why Smith keeps booping your nose.  And please quit licking them...your tongue is bigger than them and one of these days I am afraid you will lick one right up in your mouth !  If you lay down, they come snuggle you so just stay calm before you accidentally hurt one, you big yellow beast!

Love,
The food giver
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: readingchick on May 28, 2013, 02:57:19 PM
Schroder, I know that you are 'off duty' and free to not be a Service Dog (TM). I also know that yes, your 'wedding tackle' is intact for the time being (but don't get too used to it, bub!). However, Abby dog is both not possessed of her own working bits, nor are you fewer than 10 inches shorter than her. Please stop trying to climb aboard and play Scrabble!!! You'd need a stepstool or a miracle, or both!

oh, dear, I'm getting quite the visual!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: lemonfloorwax on May 28, 2013, 03:08:52 PM
Dear friend's dog:
You weigh 10 pounds sopping wet. I know you think you are much, much bigger, but you aren't. We finally got to the point where you would stop barking and sit on my lap and let me pet you. I haven't seen you for two days and we're back to "LFW is my mortal enemy"?
Guess I'd better stock up on dog treats. *sigh*
-LFW
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on June 10, 2013, 01:50:16 PM
Dear Honey Girl;

I know your inner Terrorist* wants to chase your adopted brother, Buddy (9 month old cat), but you need to "Just Say No" to cat chasing.  Buddy has all his pointy bits.  So far he's only batted your nose with his paws.  Trust me, it will hurt a lot more if he uses his claws.  He wants to play, so try not to obsess and relax.

Dear Buddy;

Please share toys with Honey girl.  It isn't fair for you to lay on her bed and chewing on her rawhide bone when you beat her up if she dares to approach your toys or food.

To Both of the Kids;

Play nice! You are going to be best friends for many, many years.

Sincerely,
The Head Servant

*Honey Girl is a rescue, probably a terrier-dachshund mix.  We call terriers "terrorists" because they live to destroy all the dog and cat toys they can get their little teeth into.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: wheeitsme on June 10, 2013, 04:01:59 PM
Dear Melody,

I understand that we both love our yard, however when I dig, I put things IN the ground.  Taking them out again is not really helping.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on June 10, 2013, 05:29:47 PM
Dear Bubbles,

Your quirks never cease to amaze me.  While appreciate the money savings afforded by your obsession with empty 2 liter plastic soda bottles, I find it strange that you prefer them over tasty ham bones.

Love,
The provider of soda bottles.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on June 11, 2013, 11:17:07 PM
Dear Rocky,

You are a big, big dog.  Can you kindly not lay completely across narrow spaces in my house, like the front hallway or the stairs or the kitchen floor, requiring me to take risky steps over you - fortunately, you haven't decided to get up in the middle yet, but at some point, I'm going to either end up with another sprained ankle, or a busted tailbone because you make bad choices for your sleeping places.  The kitties have already caused me to do minor bits of damage to my ankles as they try and trip me, so please, just, lay out of the walkway?

Love,
Mommy.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on June 12, 2013, 08:37:34 AM
Dear Rocky,

Your mommy just doesn't realize that we really, really big dogs lay in the narrow spaces to protect you from evil intruders.  Just keep doing what you're doing and she'll get used to it.

Love,
Bubbles, the 135lb Mastiff who's ever vigilant in keeping his family safe from all harm.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mbbored on June 12, 2013, 05:25:19 PM
Dear Falcor,

I'm sure that moldy block of cheese was delicious. I'm sure at the time it was totally worth breaking the childproof lock on the trashcan. But after a night in which you woke me up hourly to be sick, don't you think it maybe wasn't worth it after all? Clearly not, because you keep trying to get back in the @*&$^ trashcan.

Love,
mbbored

P.S. Try not to get sick again while I run to the hardware store for another cabinet lock.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on June 12, 2013, 08:11:21 PM
Dear Falcor

Don't let it stop you.  I snarfed the cats' tuna when I was a tiny puppy, and then spent all night barfing over Mum in her bed.  And guess what, I still love tuna! 

Just make sure you don't barf on yourself though, b-a-t-h-s aren't fun...

Love
Molly
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MissRose on June 15, 2013, 12:50:16 PM
Dear Daisy, Duke and Diva,

Thank you for being such nice doggies when I came over to see my cousin and her family.  You are all proof that well trained and treated dobermans are not vicious to others.

Love, Cousin Rose
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on June 15, 2013, 12:57:32 PM
Dear Spencer

Foster dog of my heart, I am so proud of you. You came to us a year ago, scared and unable to let anyone close to you. Thank you for trusting me and DH. You let us pet you, walk you, play with you and you let Valentine teach you about being a dog. Watching you and Tracy play is so joyous because we never thought it was possible.

We still have work to do but, you and Tracy are going to make so lucky family so happy someday. Happy anniversary, my little friend. Turkey burgers will be on every fog bowl tonight. You earned it.

Your very proud foster mommy.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on June 15, 2013, 09:13:49 PM
Dear Buddy,

Your mom and I want to know what the heck crawled up inside you and died. While we are at it, I would also like to know why you insisted upon passing gas only when you walked right by me as your butt passed my face. You really know how to clear a room and make people feel ill. Please stop.

Sincerely,

Your loving aunt.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on June 17, 2013, 01:34:13 PM
Dear Buddy,

Your mom and I want to know what the heck crawled up inside you and died. While we are at it, I would also like to know why you insisted upon passing gas only when you walked right by me as your butt passed my face. You really know how to clear a room and make people feel ill. Please stop.

Sincerely,

Your loving aunt.
How come dog farts are sooooo foul?  When Honey Girl passed gas in the car, DH & I couldn't get the windows open fast enough.

Dogs aren't the only creatures that seem to delight in farting in their people's faces.  Misty (our little red mare) waited until I was getting the tangles out of her mane, then blasted me in the face.  I must say, horse farts are much more pleasant than dog farts. ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on June 17, 2013, 01:37:49 PM
Or dog burps! Valentine has gotten so unladylike. I started adding salmon oil to their food as it is great for their skin and coats. Unfortunately, it gives my pups some rank fish breath. Which Valentine delights in sharing with the family via one of her earth shaking belches.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on June 17, 2013, 01:47:20 PM
Dear Bubbles,

I know you like intimidating people who drive into our yard.  I also know that you really do like big vehicles.  In spite of this, I need you to be on your best behavior tonight.  Mommy's date had a little issue with his job and he'll have to drive his semi here so we can take my car instead of picking me up in his regular truck.  Semi's aren't all that easy to drive, and the guy is going to have to back it the last 300 feet of the driveway, and I really don't want him running over you.  Even though you are a very big dog, the semi is bigger, and it will still win if it hits you.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on June 17, 2013, 06:38:58 PM
Dear Colossus,

You are way too smart for your own good.  The first time you got out, we decided a clip on the gate was in order.  The second time you got out, we wondered if maybe someone unclipped and then reclipped the gate, so we put a brick in front of it so you couldn't push open it.  The third time you got out, we put a brick behind the gate just to make sure.  It was after that we caught you attempting the act.

Nose braced against the latch, butt low for more leverage, straining to pull open the gate, you knocked over the brick without faltering.  Dad was mad, but I was too impressed by your reasoning skills to do much but laugh; that didn't help Dad's mood, either.

Stop being so smart, you goof, you're ruining your reputation as the stupid dog.

Love,
Da Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on June 17, 2013, 07:20:17 PM
Dear Angel,

I know it's all scary. I know you were kept in a cage and had litter after litter for 12 years, and then were given to a shelter. The rescue got you at the last possible moment, and then you had to be sent across the country to stay with me as a foster.

Sweetie, I really mean you no harm - neither do any of my big dogs (even though they're 3x your size, they just want to be friends!) It breaks my heart to watch you clip your tail to your butt and shy away from me. I'm trying to be so gentle and patient, even though I really want to pick you up and give you cuddles.

*HUGS* my poor little Angelita. You've escaped, and now people just want to love on you. You've never been safer in your life. Really.

Sincerely,

Your foster mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: *inviteseller on June 17, 2013, 07:31:59 PM
Dr F  Bless you for working with that sweet baby.  I have a foster cat now who will not come out of her carrier (have had her and her babies for 2 months now) and she is so scared.  She had been someones pet, but they dumped her a couple of years ago because they were sick of her going into heat  >:( >:(.  It has taken me all this time to get her trapped to get her fixed.  I am trying to turn her back into a house cat but I may have to turn her back into the colony I take care of because she is just not adjusting. 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RebeccainGA on June 18, 2013, 07:37:43 AM
Schroder, my sweet little man, why are you so smart? It was wonderful when you all but trained yourself to meet all the service animal standards. It was adorable when you learned 'bedtime' and 'check the mail' and learned that when we said 'it's on TV' that you could stand down. However, now that you are learning to spell cheese and pill and bath I'm getting a bit concerned. Try not to order the XXX version of Animal Planet while we sleep, ok?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on June 18, 2013, 09:30:28 AM
Dear Bubbles,

I know it's a huge 18-wheeler, but please don't try to chew on the tires and eat the driver.  I really kinda like this guy and that truck will likely be showing up on a regular basis, so learn to live with it please.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: siamesecat2965 on July 20, 2013, 05:55:08 PM
Dear puppy niece and nephew,
I know you love me, and the feeling is mutual, but when its 9000 degrees out, the last thing i want is either one of you touching me! I will pet you all you want, and even let you come up on the bed as we hide in the only room with a/c - BUT, you must stay on our side. I'm hot enough as it is without you acting like mini-furnaces.

Aunt Siamesecat
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RebeccainGA on July 22, 2013, 07:57:58 AM
Sweet Schroder,

You are the cuddliest puppy in the place, and such a responsible and wonderful service dog that you can even go to the grocery store and ride on your pillow in the front like a big boy without batting an eyelash. However, the groceries that you were *just fine with* going into the cart, aren't now evil demons because they are in plastic bags. There is no need to howl at them as we leave the store. The poor clerk was so baffled!

I know, I know, plastic bags are coming to take you away. Really?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: *inviteseller on July 22, 2013, 08:49:25 AM
Dear Schroder,
Plastic bags are evil and must be barked at, growled at and even, cowered from!  My person learned very quickly not to shake one out to open it when I am the room.  I would like to say I am being environmentally responsible in my hatred of them (have no problem with the canvas totes), but the truth is they scare the bejeebers out of me.

Love
Brook
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on July 23, 2013, 10:59:00 PM
Dear Schroder

Don't be afraid of the plastic bags - sometimes they have noms in them!  Every time Mum brings home plastic bags, I sniff them all out (to make them safe, of course) and sometimes they have noms or even Toys!

Luv
Molly
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mbbored on July 24, 2013, 01:03:48 AM
Dear Schroder,

Plastic bags are fun! When my person grabs one, that means we're going for a walk. Sometimes I like to go bark at the plastic bags in my house so my person knows I want to go sniff things and pee on them.

Love,
Falcor
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on July 24, 2013, 03:27:11 AM

Dear Schroder,

Even those reeeeeeally big dogs (the ones that Hoomans ride on) get scared by bags. We saw one of them dancing along the bridle path one morning. And let me tell you, when those big dogs dance, they dance!

Don't worry about the bags. Our daddy taught us they were ok by playing with us and them when we were little fuzzy-butts, and he stills blows them up and we chase them around the house and yard. Besides, sometimes they have yummy stuff and goody smells.

The Demon Twins.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: readingchick on July 24, 2013, 02:22:52 PM
Dear Schroder,

Plastic bags are not evil. Mommy, Daddy, and Sissy bring them home  and use them many different ways. They don't bite; we promise!


Love from Teki and Eddie
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RebeccainGA on July 24, 2013, 02:52:28 PM
Dear other doggies,

I am so sad... you just don't UNDERSTAND the scary bags! One got caught on the bottom of the door, and when mommy opened it the bag flew up in the air and landed.on.my.head. It was trying to kill me! I won't EVER go near them. You shouldn't either. I'll have to get my hoomans to send you my pamphlet 'How The Plastic Bags Are Trying To Kill You'. It's important!

--Love, Schroder
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on July 24, 2013, 04:30:29 PM
Dear Schroder:

The plastic baggies are supposed to carry treatses into the house.  That's why Mommy comes back once a week with a lot of them - I can stick my head into each one to see where my treatses are.  They're not scary at all, I promise.

On the other hand, I just don't get why Mommy takes me for a walk so I can poo away from the house.   She then picks it up in the plastic bag and brings it home to the big can and lets it mix with the good garbage.  Humans can be so strange.

Regards,

Baren
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: blue2000 on July 24, 2013, 06:00:57 PM
Dear Schroder,

No worries! I'll come over and eat all those nasty bags for you, 'kay? Momma doesn't let me eat the bags at my house, so it will be a win for both of us!

Mikey the kitty
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: *inviteseller on July 24, 2013, 07:03:39 PM
Dear Schroder,
     Even though you are a dog, I will help you out and come take away all the plastic bags.  I love to chew on them, slide across the floor on them, and..this is the funnest part, get one stuck around myself at 3 in the morning and go racing through the house yowling at the top of my lungs to see my feeder jump out of bed all disoriented.  Good times, good times.

Your feline friend,
Mr. B
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on August 01, 2013, 10:04:52 PM
Dear Molly

I wondered what you were doing last night out in the yard, barking your fluffy little head off.  I went out to see what you were up to, when that horrible growling, hissing noise started.  It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and I'm not easily spooked.

After finding the burrow (!!) last night and talking to a nice lady at one of the local wildlife sanctuaries this morning, it appears we may have a devil living in that burrow. 

Now, there aren't many devils left in the wild, and they're silly little critters that don't know how to defend themselves from dogs (or cats).  He won't hurt you.  If you harass him he'll probably move away, and we both know there are some big scary dogs on the other side of the fence that may well hurt him, as opposed to merely yapping at him.

So please, please please, leave him alone.  I'd love to have a safe little devil living under the wood pile.

Luv
Mum (yeah, the one running around the yard last night in jimjams, freezing cold, with the portable spotlight, getting the bejibbers scared out of her)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on August 02, 2013, 09:15:19 AM
Dear Riley,

You are a sweet girl and I love dogsitting you. However, when I take you for potty walks, please refrain from trying to eat the grass, roll in whatever that was, and attempting to chase the deer and rabbits. They're faster than you, and you're on a leash. Also, you're a Cavelier King Charles spaniel. The deer will win this one.

Love,

The person who lets you sleep under the covers
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Ms_Cellany on August 02, 2013, 11:37:28 AM
Dear Molly

I wondered what you were doing last night out in the yard, barking your fluffy little head off.  I went out to see what you were up to, when that horrible growling, hissing noise started.  It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and I'm not easily spooked.

After finding the burrow (!!) last night and talking to a nice lady at one of the local wildlife sanctuaries this morning, it appears we may have a devil living in that burrow. 

Now, there aren't many devils left in the wild, and they're silly little critters that don't know how to defend themselves from dogs (or cats).  He won't hurt you.  If you harass him he'll probably move away, and we both know there are some big scary dogs on the other side of the fence that may well hurt him, as opposed to merely yapping at him.

So please, please please, leave him alone.  I'd love to have a safe little devil living under the wood pile.

Luv
Mum (yeah, the one running around the yard last night in jimjams, freezing cold, with the portable spotlight, getting the bejibbers scared out of her)

A Tasmanian devil?  Coolness!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on August 02, 2013, 07:29:46 PM
yes, a Tasmanian Devil.  I'm really excited about it, the poor little things are very much endangered now because of the facial tumour disease.  The dogs are usually in before dark, but while housemate's been away I've been letting them out a little later than normal.  Now I know we may have a devil, they're coming in early again.

I might have to do a late-night stakeout to see if I can get a pic of our mysterious little guest.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on August 03, 2013, 01:55:10 AM
Dear Jasper,

Thank you for being so patient with our house guest. You seem to notice that he is a baby and do not protest when he leaps at your face in his best imitation of a hunter. You do however tend to look at him as though he has gone insane. Don't worry, the humans think he is insane too.

Love,

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on August 03, 2013, 02:05:49 AM
Dear Rocky,

Good dog, Rocky.  Good dog.  You have become a most discerning barker.  You don't bark at the neighbors/passing people very often any more (I think you're saying "Hi" to dogs being walked past the house when you do!)  It was very good of you to give little woofs when the mama cat first moved the kittens into the house, and again when she put them in the backyard after her initial jailbreak.  It was very excellent of you to bark when you observed that the one cat who had been out gallivanting around the neighborhood when I decided it was time to seal the house to keep the A/C in had returned and was waiting in the back yard for me to let him in. 

I also appreciate that you are completely kitten-safe (usually, you're actually afraid of the little puffballs) and even the mama cat has decided that you're an alright kind of dog. 

Love, your human

P.S. Please stop eating the cat food so you'll stop breaking out in dandruff!

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: *inviteseller on August 03, 2013, 10:04:31 AM
Dear Brook,
    I know it is embarrassing for a big yellow lug like you to have kitties snuggled up to you all.the.time, but the majority of the pointy ears like you, a lot!  You are a sweet girl to allow them to groom you and sleep with you, but he payback for that is not getting to eat their bowls of food..please stop that as it makes you gassy and very unpleasant to be around. 

Love,
You ear skritcher
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on August 03, 2013, 10:22:10 AM
Dear Brook,
    I know it is embarrassing for a big yellow lug like you to have kitties snuggled up to you all.the.time, but the majority of the pointy ears like you, a lot!  You are a sweet girl to allow them to groom you and sleep with you, but he payback for that is not getting to eat their bowls of food..please stop that as it makes you gassy and very unpleasant to be around. 

Love,
You ear skritcher

Dear Brook,

Does your mommy not want you to eat the cat food too? I like to sneak in the kitchen for a snack, but my mommy always catches me! If I eat fast enough though, I can have half of it gone before she catches me. This is what I suggest you do too,

Your partner in kitty food munches,

Jasper
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on August 03, 2013, 10:51:49 AM
Dear Dart,

For Heaven's sake, please use the bell like the rest of the pack! I'd rather wake up to let you out at 2 am than deal with more of your "presents". And peeing in my bed was totally uncalled for! Thank goodness I had plenty of Doghouse Rock, washing soda and a great dry cleaner to deal with the mess and stench. You're very luck I keep a leak proof mattress cover on the bed.

You are very cute and very sweet but enough all ready. You know how to use the bell.

Love,
The bringer of food, chief scritcher and pack leader
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on August 03, 2013, 11:27:22 PM
Dear Brook,
    I know it is embarrassing for a big yellow lug like you to have kitties snuggled up to you all.the.time, but the majority of the pointy ears like you, a lot!  You are a sweet girl to allow them to groom you and sleep with you, but he payback for that is not getting to eat their bowls of food..please stop that as it makes you gassy and very unpleasant to be around. 

Love,
You ear skritcher

Dear Brook,

Does your mommy not want you to eat the cat food too? I like to sneak in the kitchen for a snack, but my mommy always catches me! If I eat fast enough though, I can have half of it gone before she catches me. This is what I suggest you do too,

Your partner in kitty food munches,

Jasper

Dear Jasper and Brook,

My mommy has moved the cat food onto the open stairs, where kitties can get through the openings between the treads and even go through the bars of the railing, and blocked the base of the stairs with a baby gate.  She says that first, eating the cat food is why my dandruff is extra-bad right now, and second, that between me and the eight cats in the house, she has now nearly emptied a 15-pound bag of cat food in one week.

Love,

Rocky
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on August 04, 2013, 02:40:29 AM

Dear Rocky,

When it comes to food, it's every furball for themselves! We suggest starting to practice your jumping skills, like we did. When we really want something, we can jump quite high gates and fences. We started small, leaping and springing up and off the lounge and beds and in and out of the bath.

We can send you a how-to guide if you want.

Your brothers in the fur down under,

Sam and Max.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: *inviteseller on August 04, 2013, 11:07:38 PM
Dear Rocky,

     My human had the absolute audacity to move the food upstairs because she knows I won't walk up there (the B-A-T-H is up there).  And the litter boxes are downstairs and I won't go down backless steps..so I have nothing but dog food to eat.  I am currently pouting in my bed, thinking of how I can get kitty crunchies..either one will work for me, although for some reason my human screams LOUDLY when I go for the 'boxed' kitty crunchies.

Brook
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on August 05, 2013, 03:57:57 AM
Dearest fellow canines,

My human bought covered litter pans with very small openings (I can't get my mouth both in and open!) to keep me out of the boxed crunchies, and due to my hip dysplasia, I don't jump over things too much unless I've got a large landing area on the other side, so I think the kitty food is safe from me on the stairs until I figure out how to knock the baby gate over (or the kitten-minions do it for me!)

Love,
Rocky
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: *inviteseller on August 06, 2013, 09:19:47 PM
Dear Rocky,

     Mom bought covered litter boxes..one of the stoopid cats decided he didn't like it and peed on the floor outside of it so it was back to the big pans, but she moved them all downstairs.  I hate when my buffet gets put out of my reach!

Brook
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on August 06, 2013, 09:26:08 PM
Dear Rocky

Our mummy was very mean and moved the cats' food up onto the dining room table after the Great Regurgitated Tuna Incident of 2010.  We're both small and can't jump that high. 

Then she got rid of the litter trays after Milly-puss died, so no more dark treats.  Sigh... 

It's getting so a girl has to rely on her own food supply, and actually be good to get treaties.   :-\

Love
Molly (The Great Regurgitator) and Suzi (Poop breath)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: kitkatswing on August 07, 2013, 09:31:18 PM
Dear Maui,

Just because I am getting up numerous times to pee (8 months pregnant!!), does NOT mean that you can jump into my warm spot under the doona every single time..

Also, that body pillow, its for me, not for you....

Please take note...

Love..

Your mum
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on August 08, 2013, 09:10:14 AM
Dear Mum,

You don't UNDERSTAND!!! That's the warm spot- I have to move there or I will FREEZE and DIE!

Or, I'm preparing you for parenting. Take your pick.

Love, Maui
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on August 12, 2013, 08:30:43 PM
Dear Molly

Yesterday, you were NOT a good girl.  I got a phone call at work from Housemate, saying you'd been under the house for an hour, barking and growling, with the occasional yelp of pain thrown in for good measure.  So I came home, thinking you and the Devil were having a stoush.

I got changed into jeans, long sleeved jumper, boots, cap and leather gloves, then ventured under the house to rescue you.  By this stage you'd been 'at it' for nearly 2 hours.  I crouched, then crawled, then commando-style wriggled on my tummy as the land surface under the house rose, dragging a spotlight, until I could see you, up amongst the pipes where I couldn't fit, and your Great Adversary.  What was it?  A neighbour's cat...   ::) 

I spent an hour under the house, sneezing from the dust, trying to catch you or chase out the cat (whatever, as long as the damned ruckus ended!) whilst you studiously avoided me.  Housemate offered you treaties.  No go.  She hosed the deck, hoping it would persuade you and the cat to leave.  No go.  We tried the squeaky toy.  No go.  We, in short, tried every darn thing we could short of thermo-nuclear devices to persuade you and Kitty to depart.  No go.

I gave up and crawled out from under the house - sore, sneezy still, and covered in dirt, old insulation fluff and goodness knows what else.  Housemate now has a sore neck from trying to peer under the house and help extract you.  I was not only dirty, but cold and busting for a visit to the girl's room.  And you?  You stayed under the house for another 2 hours before you finally surfaced.  A total of 5 hours with the poor cat bailed up.

The upshot, Dear Molly, is that I am cranky with you.  I hope those yelps were because Kitty got you a couple of times - girl, you deserved it.  You obviously haven't learned from it, or you would have left Kitty alone after the first swipe.  And all the 'sucking up' and cuddles you delivered later on last night, while nice, only go part-way to  making up for what was a very uncomfortable and dirty experience for everybody involved.

Love
Grumpy Mum

Dear Suzi

Good girl!  You came when called, and left Kitty alone.  I'm sorry you got locked in the house and upset at all the noise down below - yes, I heard you running around and sooking above my head.  I'm glad you've sometimes got enough sense to not let Molly drag you into her escapades.

Lots of love
Mum. xx
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on August 13, 2013, 04:58:10 PM
Dear Jasper,

Like dear Molly in the post above me, you are in the doghouse. What were you thinking, running off like that! You are supposed to go out and do your business and come back inside. But noooo. You went gallavanting ACROSS A STREET to BestFriends house. Idiot.

Your still very angry mommy.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jedikaiti on August 13, 2013, 05:54:15 PM
Dear Pilsner

Get out of the trash can! And quit licking the beer kegs!

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on August 13, 2013, 07:20:21 PM
Dear Jasper and Pilsner

I think we're becoming too many for a doghouse.  We need a dog hotel...   :-[

luv
Molly
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on August 14, 2013, 10:05:58 AM
Dear Riley,

I love you dearly, but you are a goof. I know you want to chase the deer/rabbits/cat, but you are a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. They're all bigger than you! If you caught them, they'd stomp all over you- especially the cat.


Love,

The one with the camera and the snuggles who lets you sleep under the covers
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: *inviteseller on August 14, 2013, 10:34:43 AM
Dear Brook,
     12 more days until school starts and it will just be you and I again for the day.  Thanks for being so patient and allowing your human sister to put those sparkly fairy wings on you (btw, you were adorable, but I chose not to perpetuate your embarrassment by taking a picture and putting on FB).  This summer, you have been dressed up, been put into action as a barbie doll horse, been a participant in numerous tea parties..you are a good girl for doing it all.  I think the only reason you put up with it is because the small human tends to drop some things during dinner and you take care of all spills and crumbs. 

Love,
The other one counting down until school starts
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: DistantStar on August 14, 2013, 03:11:20 PM
Dear Mom,

You name me Pilsner and expect me to not be interested in the beer?

Pilsner
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on August 14, 2013, 04:57:55 PM
My husband saw a cartoon with a dog saying, "Hi, my name is NO Get Down!"

In our house, the cat's name is "NO Get Down!" >:D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on August 15, 2013, 10:20:09 AM
My husband saw a cartoon with a dog saying, "Hi, my name is NO Get Down!"

In our house, the cat's name is "NO Get Down!" >:D

We had one who thought her name was "Delta Dogonnit!"
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Ms_Cellany on August 15, 2013, 10:30:35 AM
My sister's cat is "Adam-get-that-out-of-your-mouth!"
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on August 15, 2013, 12:12:05 PM
Valentine answered to: "Stop, get back here!" when she was a tiny puppy.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on August 15, 2013, 02:25:54 PM
Dear Honey Girl;

Why did you pee on the bathroom rug this morning?  I took you out to pee when we woke up, just like every day.  You haven't peed on a rug for almost a month.  Of course, we had to throw away every throw rug we had when we rescued you because you peed on all of them, multiple times, in your first week with us.  We understood you were anxious about your new surroundings and we didn't scold you.  But there are pee pads on both ends of the condo and only 30 feet between them, so you are never far from a pee pad.  Please use them.  We know you know how to wee wee. >:D

I told your Daddy that we should give up on bathroom rugs and just use old, thick towels that can be tossed in the laundry ... or trash.

Mommy Midnight
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jedikaiti on August 15, 2013, 02:28:15 PM
Dear Mom,

You name me Pilsner and expect me to not be interested in the beer?

Pilsner

Dear Pilsner,

If you recall, your Dad is the one who named you. And you're still too young to drink.

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jedikaiti on August 15, 2013, 02:29:47 PM
Valentine answered to: "Stop, get back here!" when she was a tiny puppy.

I accidentally trained Pilsner to sit in front of me when I said "who loves the puppy?" I didn't realize it, but I was saying that every time I gave him a treat. Then once I said it out of context and he came and sat. Then later, as a test, DH said it while standing across the yard from me. Pilsner came to me and sat.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: GreenHall on August 15, 2013, 02:39:09 PM

I told your Daddy that we should give up on bathroom rugs and just use old, thick towels that can be tossed in the laundry ... or trash.


Walmart has 'Kitchen Rugs' in the kitchen section - they don't have the placticized back, and are fully washable.  I prefer something I can toss in the wash on occasion :)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: momof2weenies on August 15, 2013, 02:52:44 PM
Dearest BabyDog:

The oatmeal in the tub is to help with my hives.  It is not "mom-flavored oatmeal" for you to try to drink.

And no, the "poor me" face will not work on me this time.

(http://i425.photobucket.com/albums/pp338/tas6545/WP_20130728_001.jpg) (http://s425.photobucket.com/user/tas6545/media/WP_20130728_001.jpg.html)

No, seriously, it won't work.  Stop it.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: magicdomino on August 15, 2013, 03:04:41 PM

I told your Daddy that we should give up on bathroom rugs and just use old, thick towels that can be tossed in the laundry ... or trash.


Walmart has 'Kitchen Rugs' in the kitchen section - they don't have the placticized back, and are fully washable.  I prefer something I can toss in the wash on occasion :)

Some towel collections have bath mats, like heavy duty towels.  Very washable, although you will still need to pre-soak urine stains with an enzyme cleaner like Natures Miracle.

Signed,

Owner of a cat with emotional issues
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on August 15, 2013, 03:45:25 PM

I told your Daddy that we should give up on bathroom rugs and just use old, thick towels that can be tossed in the laundry ... or trash.


Walmart has 'Kitchen Rugs' in the kitchen section - they don't have the placticized back, and are fully washable.  I prefer something I can toss in the wash on occasion :)

Some towel collections have bath mats, like heavy duty towels.  Very washable, although you will still need to pre-soak urine stains with an enzyme cleaner like Natures Miracle.

Signed,

Owner of a cat with emotional issues
I have Nature's Miracle hard surface cleaner because our floors are tile and laminate.  Do you think I could use it on the rug?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: magicdomino on August 15, 2013, 04:34:18 PM
Check the label, but it should work.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MissRose on August 17, 2013, 03:46:34 PM
Daisy, Diva, and Duke,

Thank you for being such good dogs during my visit to my cousin.  But I was not too fond of the bits of slobber when I pet you.

I just wished I could have gotten you all dog treats but good thing I did not as my cousin warned me your gas is bad when you eat certain things!

Daisy,

No you are not my cousin's hubby's 2nd wife.  Get over it LOL.  Go sleep elsewhere!

Love from Cousin Rose

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on August 17, 2013, 06:08:08 PM

I told your Daddy that we should give up on bathroom rugs and just use old, thick towels that can be tossed in the laundry ... or trash.


Walmart has 'Kitchen Rugs' in the kitchen section - they don't have the placticized back, and are fully washable.  I prefer something I can toss in the wash on occasion :)

Some towel collections have bath mats, like heavy duty towels.  Very washable, although you will still need to pre-soak urine stains with an enzyme cleaner like Natures Miracle.

Signed,

Owner of a cat with emotional issues
I have Nature's Miracle hard surface cleaner because our floors are tile and laminate.  Do you think I could use it on the rug?

I'd look for the carpet version, personally. It's great stuff- my friend had a sheltie with a leak problem and this got rid of both odor and stains on her pretty pink rugs.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on August 26, 2013, 05:22:26 PM
Dear Angel,

I'm so happy that, as a new little foster dog who had been a Puppy Mill br*eder for 12 years, that you've warmed up and come out of your shell to join me and the rest of the pack. It's so cute to see you learn how to be a dog and run outside and play, not to mention snuggle with me on the sofa! You'll turn into a little lap dog yet, sweetie.

And I'm really happy that you've decided to like your foster brothers and sister, even though they're 4x your size, and you can run under their bellies without touching. I know you'd really like your foster brother Lucas to play with you, since he looks most like you. It'd be good for him. But, sweetie, you need to think about your relative heights when nipping him to get him to play. Let's face it, the only place you can reach are, frankly, his dangly bits. Admittedly, he's had some of said bits removed, but, well, boys still don't like having their bits nipped. That's just not the best way to convince him to play with you.

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: misha412 on August 26, 2013, 07:43:25 PM
Dear Angel,

I'm so happy that, as a new little foster dog who had been a Puppy Mill br*eder for 12 years, that you've warmed up and come out of your shell to join me and the rest of the pack. It's so cute to see you learn how to be a dog and run outside and play, not to mention snuggle with me on the sofa! You'll turn into a little lap dog yet, sweetie.

And I'm really happy that you've decided to like your foster brothers and sister, even though they're 4x your size, and you can run under their bellies without touching. I know you'd really like your foster brother Lucas to play with you, since he looks most like you. It'd be good for him. But, sweetie, you need to think about your relative heights when nipping him to get him to play. Let's face it, the only place you can reach are, frankly, his dangly bits. Admittedly, he's had some of said bits removed, but, well, boys still don't like having their bits nipped. That's just not the best way to convince him to play with you.

Mommy

Dear Angel,

Glad you got out of that br*eder place. My mom rescued me from a shelter. You will learn to love good humans and other doggies. (ask your foster mom or dad about peanut butter...it's the bestest thing ever invented by humans).

And to the bolded above,  :o Your foster is right about that. Don't nip my dangly bits or I gets mad.

Your furry pal, Dagan D. Doggy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on August 26, 2013, 07:56:18 PM
Dear Molly and Suzi

Until the alarm goes off in the morning, or I sit up and say Hello Ladies, please DO NOT:


This is new behaviour and I am not very fond of it.  Remember who buys the treaties.  Also remember it is actually my bed, not our bed.

Love

The grumpy one with ruched bags under the eyes.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on September 03, 2013, 09:36:01 PM
Dear Molly

How on earth did I end up with a dog that hurks up hairballs?  That's a cat thing.

Love
Mum (the cleaner of said hurks)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MissRose on October 10, 2013, 02:00:42 PM
Dear Molly

How on earth did I end up with a dog that hurks up hairballs?  That's a cat thing.

Love
Mum (the cleaner of said hurks)


I had no idea dogs could do that like cats do!!!!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on October 10, 2013, 07:22:14 PM
Neither did I!  She is an obsessive groomer, and ends up chewing up wads of fur.  It then has to go somewhere.  Erk.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mbbored on October 10, 2013, 11:43:45 PM
Dear Falcor,

I know you think that sleeping on my bed is your right. And it's very sweet that you want to sleep on my feet, plus it keeps my toes very cozy during these cold nights. But honestly, you should know by now that I always roll over during the night. There's no need to dramatically jump and bark every time I do that.

Love,
Me
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on October 11, 2013, 06:41:00 AM
Dear Smokey,

You have an assigned spot on the bed.  Please make use of it!  Wandering all over the bed looking for the perfect spot while I'm trying to fall asleep is very annoying.  Just lay down and go to sleep dog. 

Love,

Your sleepy owner
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: readingchick on October 11, 2013, 07:02:13 AM
Dear Eddie,

I love you bunches, but did you really have to use me as a launch pad to help you jump off the bed this morning? I don't think I like that!


Your sissy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on October 11, 2013, 09:13:39 AM
Dear Baxter, Sammy and Lucy,

The tractors and golf carts aren't going anywhere.  They pass by the property hundreds of times a day.  You should be used to this by now.  There's no need to chase every single one of them while barking at top volume. Thankfully the nursery workers have figured out that you're all bark and no bite as long as they stay on their side of the fence, but it's still annoying.

Love,
Mum.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on October 13, 2013, 09:48:19 PM
Dear Rocky,

I'm sorry that the kitties like your new food better than theirs.  Thank you for not trying to eat the kitties who had their heads in your food bowl.  You're such a good dog.

However, I would, once again, like to place a moratorium on farting in the A/C vent.

Love,

The provider of noms.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on October 14, 2013, 09:03:19 PM

I told your Daddy that we should give up on bathroom rugs and just use old, thick towels that can be tossed in the laundry ... or trash.


Walmart has 'Kitchen Rugs' in the kitchen section - they don't have the placticized back, and are fully washable.  I prefer something I can toss in the wash on occasion :)

I used stuff called "Pet-zyme" from Petsmart and it works great on the smell and stain.

Bed Bath has bath rugs that are fabric on both sides and wash like a dream - I gave several of them.

Some towel collections have bath mats, like heavy duty towels.  Very washable, although you will still need to pre-soak urine stains with an enzyme cleaner like Natures Miracle.

Signed,

Owner of a cat with emotional issues
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jedikaiti on October 14, 2013, 09:14:36 PM
Dear Falcor,

I know you think that sleeping on my bed is your right. And it's very sweet that you want to sleep on my feet, plus it keeps my toes very cozy during these cold nights. But honestly, you should know by now that I always roll over during the night. There's no need to dramatically jump and bark every time I do that.

Love,
Me

OK, I must ask... what breed is Falcor?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on October 15, 2013, 05:06:54 PM
Dear Falcor,

I know you think that sleeping on my bed is your right. And it's very sweet that you want to sleep on my feet, plus it keeps my toes very cozy during these cold nights. But honestly, you should know by now that I always roll over during the night. There's no need to dramatically jump and bark every time I do that.

Love,
Me

OK, I must ask... what breed is Falcor?

Dragon.
Title: Re: Dear Dog
Post by: Midnight Kitty on October 15, 2013, 06:17:38 PM
Dear Eddie,

I love you bunches, but did you really have to use me as a launch pad to help you jump off the bed this morning? I don't think I like that!


Your sissy
We say Honey Girl is "spring loaded."  I swear that little 13 pound dog can jump 3 feet vertically and 5 feet horizontally.  It does not feel good when she uses your bare thighs for her launch pad.  She leaves little "toe pukas*."


*Puka = hole
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on October 15, 2013, 07:03:25 PM
Dear Baxter,

It's a log, not a stick.  We are not a sawdust plant.  Just saying.

Also, you are a 145 pound mastiff, not a 10 pound jack russel. Jumping 8 feet into the air on your back legs in order to chase a squirrel up a tree is not good on your back hips. 

Love,
the amused one.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on October 15, 2013, 07:59:08 PM
Dear Rocky,

Thank you for not barking back at the yapping chorus in the other yards.  However, please do not dig under the fence to go visit with the other doggies.  Mommy will not be a happy camper if I have to go extract you from someone else's yard.  You were way, way, way too excited at the fence today.

Love,

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mbbored on October 15, 2013, 08:13:29 PM
Dear Falcor,

I know you think that sleeping on my bed is your right. And it's very sweet that you want to sleep on my feet, plus it keeps my toes very cozy during these cold nights. But honestly, you should know by now that I always roll over during the night. There's no need to dramatically jump and bark every time I do that.

Love,
Me

OK, I must ask... what breed is Falcor?

Dragon.

Excellent guess.  ;)

For those who don't embrace his more magical side, the SPCA said he's half spaniel/half shepherd. Based on how he looks, I'd say the spaniel half is clumber spaniel and the shepherd half is Australian shepherd. His face looks just like the original Falcor's and he's got a slightly long torso for his legs.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on October 17, 2013, 06:21:29 AM
Dear Falcor,

I know you think that sleeping on my bed is your right. And it's very sweet that you want to sleep on my feet, plus it keeps my toes very cozy during these cold nights. But honestly, you should know by now that I always roll over during the night. There's no need to dramatically jump and bark every time I do that.

Love,
Me

OK, I must ask... what breed is Falcor?

Dragon.

Excellent guess.  ;)

For those who don't embrace his more magical side, the SPCA said he's half spaniel/half shepherd. Based on how he looks, I'd say the spaniel half is clumber spaniel and the shepherd half is Australian shepherd. His face looks just like the original Falcor's and he's got a slightly long torso for his legs.

Ahem. I vote for you dressing him up as a dragon for halloween.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on October 17, 2013, 10:19:25 AM
Dear Annabellle,

I am very fond of you, but not so much when you attempt to hurl yourself under the feet of passing joggers.

Love,

The dogsitter who likes having you as a lapdog
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on October 17, 2013, 04:13:01 PM
Dear Smokey,

I apologize for all the people who were in our yard and making noises yesterday and today.  I know that causes lots of anxiety for you, and you were really a good boy about keeping the freaking out and woofing to a minimum.  Everyone is gone now, and there's no more work to be done on the house at the moment, so you can come out of hiding now, okay?  And go back to curling up on the rug in the living room.

Love,
Your person

PS - you somehow managed to pee on your leash and your bird within the space of a single 24 hour period.  Please stop, as the people do not have the resources to replace all your gear!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on October 17, 2013, 04:16:31 PM
Dear Lucy,

You are a dog, not a cat.  The purring, stealing and hiding of shiny stuff, tree climbing and scratching, among other cat-like behaviors is very odd coming from a dog.

Love,
The amused one.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jedikaiti on October 17, 2013, 05:50:06 PM
Dear Falcor,

I know you think that sleeping on my bed is your right. And it's very sweet that you want to sleep on my feet, plus it keeps my toes very cozy during these cold nights. But honestly, you should know by now that I always roll over during the night. There's no need to dramatically jump and bark every time I do that.

Love,
Me

OK, I must ask... what breed is Falcor?

Luck Dragon.

Excellent guess.  ;)

For those who don't embrace his more magical side, the SPCA said he's half spaniel/half shepherd. Based on how he looks, I'd say the spaniel half is clumber spaniel and the shepherd half is Australian shepherd. His face looks just like the original Falcor's and he's got a slightly long torso for his legs.

A friend and I always called Great Pyrenees "luck dragons" and I've always said if I have another GP, it will be named Falcor.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on October 17, 2013, 07:30:04 PM
Dear Dart,

Glad you are feeling better. I am very proud of you for learning to use the bell. Would you be a dear and start going outside with the others? Getting up at 3:00 am is no fun, especially when insomnia has been on the menu lately.

Love,
Your very sleepy foster mom.

Hogan,

For heaven's sake, Saber is fifteen, deaf and blind. Please stop sitting on her head!

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on October 17, 2013, 08:04:15 PM
Miss Bailey - 

You are a 60 pound Lab. Cap'n Jck is a 10 pound Yorki who has no clue he's a dog. Please calm down when you come inside to play with him or you won't be allowed in anymore.

Jack Jack -  chill already. You really are a dog, not a people/cat. Bailey just wants to play and she's very sweet. Deal with it and share
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MinAvi on October 17, 2013, 11:31:50 PM
I have a chocolate Lab called Bailie too!

Except mine is a 75 pound tubby-butt.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mbbored on October 18, 2013, 12:59:05 AM
Dear Falcor,

I know you think that sleeping on my bed is your right. And it's very sweet that you want to sleep on my feet, plus it keeps my toes very cozy during these cold nights. But honestly, you should know by now that I always roll over during the night. There's no need to dramatically jump and bark every time I do that.

Love,
Me

OK, I must ask... what breed is Falcor?

Dragon.

Excellent guess.  ;)

For those who don't embrace his more magical side, the SPCA said he's half spaniel/half shepherd. Based on how he looks, I'd say the spaniel half is clumber spaniel and the shepherd half is Australian shepherd. His face looks just like the original Falcor's and he's got a slightly long torso for his legs.

Ahem. I vote for you dressing him up as a dragon for halloween.

It's his annual costume and he loves it. OK, maybe he doesn't love it, but he tolerates it well and seems to enjoy the cheese I keep feeding him. He does love his Christmas elf costume: he prances with the jingle bells.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on October 18, 2013, 06:52:05 AM
I have a chocolate Lab called Bailie too!

Except mine is a 75 pound tubby-butt.

Ours is a fox red - and on her way to tubby if daddy doesn't start walking her more
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on October 19, 2013, 11:12:03 AM
Dear Smokey,

Please make note that we do not change the carpeting color by dragging variously colored foods around on the carpet.  If we want a new color in the carpet, we have to buy new carpet.  Please stop dragging cocoa powder onto our beige carpet in an attempt to make it brown. 

Love,

The extremely unamused people
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MizB on October 25, 2013, 01:30:00 AM
Dear Falcor,

I know you think that sleeping on my bed is your right. And it's very sweet that you want to sleep on my feet, plus it keeps my toes very cozy during these cold nights. But honestly, you should know by now that I always roll over during the night. There's no need to dramatically jump and bark every time I do that.

Love,
Me

OK, I must ask... what breed is Falcor?

Dragon.

Excellent guess.  ;)

For those who don't embrace his more magical side, the SPCA said he's half spaniel/half shepherd. Based on how he looks, I'd say the spaniel half is clumber spaniel and the shepherd half is Australian shepherd. His face looks just like the original Falcor's and he's got a slightly long torso for his legs.

Ahem. I vote for you dressing him up as a dragon for halloween.

It's his annual costume and he loves it. OK, maybe he doesn't love it, but he tolerates it well and seems to enjoy the cheese I keep feeding him. He does love his Christmas elf costume: he prances with the jingle bells.

I'm thinking pic or it didn't happen  ;)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on November 20, 2013, 02:00:09 PM
Dear Honey Girl;

That dark object underneath the AC window unit is the insulation.  It fills the gap between the AC unit and the window frame and keeps the cold air inside.  I don't know how it came loose.  I hope you didn't pull on it!  When I found you growling and staring at the AC unit I wondered whether you were turning Cujo on us.  Thank you for alerting me to the fact that it came loose and needed to be fixed.  I pushed the insulation back into place.

Now stop staring intently under the AC unit.  The insulation is no longer visible because it's where it belongs, between the AC unit and the frame.  Don't pull it out!  Leave it alone!  Nothing to see here folks; Move on already.

The Smaller Furless One
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on November 20, 2013, 08:55:58 PM
Dear Smokey,

Next week there's going to be a change in how we do things.  Normally, if the people go away for awhile, they take you to your favorite place, aka doggie day care, and leave you there.  This time, we're going to have you stay with a person.  You'll like her, and she's extremely happy you're coming to stay with her.  Please be a good dog while you're there.  Do not eat things off her counter, fart in her face, woof at nothing or any of the other behaviors you...delight...us with on a daily basis.  You will have a good time, I promise!  You can even bring your birds with you, so she can have the joy of listening to Angry Birds noises at 6 am. 

Also, my dog, your people will come back for you.  We will always come back for you.  Don't mope and be sad.  Be a good happy dog while we're gone.

Love,

the People
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lillie82 on November 20, 2013, 10:08:53 PM
(this is on a walk)

No, we're not going that way. Yes, we know a certain Lab you love to play with lives that way. I wish we could make you understand why we don't take you to see him anymore. He has arthritis and his mom is afraid he'll hurt himself trying to play with you.

Why are you so interested in that Newfoundland girl that just walked by? Does she remind you of your friend from puppy school (who was also a big black Newfie girl?)

And even if we meet another dog who's a friend of yours, we can't let you off-lead to play. We haven't forgotten the time we did that and you and your Labradoodle friend took off together down the street...and it was already after dark.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on November 21, 2013, 08:44:11 PM
Bailey - please leave your blankies in your house. It's going to be wet and cold out tonight and you'll need it to be dry. I only have one left then it's back to old towels. The new blankies are much nicer - you know that

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on November 22, 2013, 06:48:12 PM
Dear Rocky,

I just watched a few cats walk across you.  I'm revoking your status as "dog."  You are henceforth known as species "doormat."

Love,

The human.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Sebastienne on November 23, 2013, 02:09:11 PM
Dear Paco,

You are a very strange dog, in that you love going to the vet. And you're so well-behaved at the vet, it amazes everyone, especially the vet. You gave him a kiss after he gave you a shot!  You are seriously bizarre.

So after everyone complimenting you on your amazing behavior, why, why, WHY did you think it was a good idea to pee all over the side of the reception desk on the way out? You met probably the only group of people who think you're a really good dog, and then you had to go and ruin it all.

xoxo,

Me
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: *inviteseller on November 23, 2013, 04:28:55 PM
Dear Brook
  We were only at the store for an hour or so and I gave you biscuits when we left.  Your food dish is filled with breakfast you didn't eat.  So can you explain to me how a full cat dish that was previously in the dining room is now in the living room mere inches from your bed and empty?  I do think it is cute that when I ask you how various things get in your bed, you look at the ceiling and get a "think,think,think" look on your face, but sweetheart, I know it was you!  The cats would not willingly give up their kibble to you and no one else was in the house.  You will be farting all night now...hope the belly ache was worth it!

Love,
The kibble provider
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 24, 2013, 01:28:06 PM
You are a very strange dog, in that you love going to the vet. And you're so well-behaved at the vet, it amazes everyone, especially the vet. You gave him a kiss after he gave you a shot!  You are seriously bizarre.

LOL.  I actually picked my current vet after hearing that someone's dog ran away from home and turned up at the vet's office!  I figure if the animals show up there on their own, the vet must have something going for them.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: KB on November 24, 2013, 07:33:21 PM
Dear Patch

I have just dropped you off at the vet to get those final troublesome teeth of yours removed and it's awfully quiet here without your claws tapping on the floor. I can't wait for you to get home so I can give you lots of huggles.

Love,

Your anxious mummy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on November 24, 2013, 07:55:12 PM
Dear Rocky,

Potty time is an acceptable reason to whine to go outside.

THERE'S A NEW KITTY IN THE BACK YARD!!!! OH MY DOG I NEED TO MEET THE NEW KITTY!!!!!!!! is not and never will be an acceptable reason to whine go outside.  The kitties we already have inside are more than happy to meet all your cat-interaction needs. 

Love,

The door-operator
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on November 24, 2013, 08:49:34 PM
Dear Molly

If you're gonna hork up a hairball, please get off my our bed before you do so.  Two doonahs in three days is ridiculous! 

Besides, dogs don't do hairballs, cats do.  Get it right!

Love
the Laundress
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on November 25, 2013, 10:02:32 AM
Dear Sammy,

It's a haircut, not a torture technique.  You are much happier when you don't have burrs in your belly fur.  I promise you will survive.

Love,
The Evil One. (At least in your eyes)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Firecat on November 25, 2013, 01:39:30 PM
You are a very strange dog, in that you love going to the vet. And you're so well-behaved at the vet, it amazes everyone, especially the vet. You gave him a kiss after he gave you a shot!  You are seriously bizarre.

LOL.  I actually picked my current vet after hearing that someone's dog ran away from home and turned up at the vet's office!  I figure if the animals show up there on their own, the vet must have something going for them.

Years ago, my mom taught dog obedience classes. One evening, the people from the first class for that night came downstairs from their break and told us there was a dog trying to get into the building. Mom and I grabbed the spare leash and went upstairs...sure enough, there was one of the dogs from the second class - all by himself, and happy to see us.

So we got the leash on him, grabbed the class list, and called his (now-frantic) people. Who were very relieved to hear from us. Apparently they'd been a little late getting home, so the dog had gotten out of the yard and come to class on his own! Crossed some really busy streets to get there, too. But he was fine, and happy to hang out with me until his people showed up, so all was well.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MinAvi on November 25, 2013, 05:07:35 PM
Dear Lucy,

Are you trying to drive me mad? What have I done to you lately???

So far this week you have escaped the yard and after being gone overnight turned up at the pound. Yeah, I am still mad about the $400 it cost to bail you out - you evil mutt.

Then last night I get home, and find the kitty litter spread across the floor of the toilet, laundry and kitchen. I know it was you, because 1, you were the only one inside, and 2, you still had pieces of it stuck in your whiskers and face!

I know you didn't enjoy the bath, but trust me, I didn't enjoy picking pieces of dirty kitty litter out from between your toes!

It took me over an hour to sweep, vacuum and mop the floors you desecrated. You have now been renamed from a silky Terrier, to a silky terror! You are 13 years old for goodness sake! You should know better!

Not feeling the love,

Mum

*****

Dear Bailie,

Thank you for being such a good dog and staying out of the mess your sister caused. By the way, I saw you smooching the cat this morning - so the tough girl act is blown! You are such a good girl.

Secret smooches,
Mum
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on November 25, 2013, 05:56:15 PM
You have now been renamed from a silky Terrier, to a silky terror!
We say that Honey Girl is part Dachshund and part Terriorist.  She's such a sweet, friendly, little girl, just 14 pounds.  Except it is 14 pounds of solid muscle and bone.  When she throws her weight into her harness and tries to go after the feral boar, DH said "I think there is a Pit Bull under that sweet dog facade."  I think we could put DH (who is disabled & weighs about 190 lbs) in a little red wagon and hitch up Honey Girl to pull him around.  If the wagon had good wheels and the pavement was smooth, I'm sure she could do it.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on November 25, 2013, 06:07:16 PM
You have now been renamed from a silky Terrier, to a silky terror!
We say that Honey Girl is part Dachshund and part Terriorist.  She's such a sweet, friendly, little girl, just 14 pounds.  Except it is 14 pounds of solid muscle and bone.  When she throws her weight into her harness and tries to go after the feral boar, DH said "I think there is a Pit Bull under that sweet dog facade."  I think we could put DH (who is disabled & weighs about 190 lbs) in a little red wagon and hitch up Honey Girl to pull him around.  If the wagon had good wheels and the pavement was smooth, I'm sure she could do it.

My two get called the 'Wholly Terriers'. 

Molly is about 15-16lbs, but when she puts the brakes on, she seems to weigh a ton.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on November 26, 2013, 02:35:20 PM
Dear Baxter,

I know you're just trying to make me feel better, but 140 pounds of dog on my belly, which is in enough pain to require morphine just to make it tolerable, isn't helping.  Can you just hang out beside me instead of trying to crawl into my lap?

Thanks,
Your grateful "grandmommy"  (The dog actually belongs to my son)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lynnv on November 26, 2013, 04:09:06 PM
You have now been renamed from a silky Terrier, to a silky terror!
We say that Honey Girl is part Dachshund and part Terriorist.  She's such a sweet, friendly, little girl, just 14 pounds.  Except it is 14 pounds of solid muscle and bone.  When she throws her weight into her harness and tries to go after the feral boar, DH said "I think there is a Pit Bull under that sweet dog facade."  I think we could put DH (who is disabled & weighs about 190 lbs) in a little red wagon and hitch up Honey Girl to pull him around.  If the wagon had good wheels and the pavement was smooth, I'm sure she could do it.

My two get called the 'Wholly Terriers'. 

Molly is about 15-16lbs, but when she puts the brakes on, she seems to weigh a ton.

Sidd was a Pekingese/Terrier (we think) mix.  We called him the Peking Terror.  Or, once he lost one eye, the Peeking Terror.    ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on November 26, 2013, 04:10:23 PM
Dear Dogs,

I realize the weather outside is nasty and you really, really don't like cold rain. I'm sorry, but glaring at me while refusing to go out won't make me change the weather. If I could change it, I would. Believe me!

Mommy

Dear Ariel,

Your brothers are sensible dogs who want to stay inside all comfy when not having to go potty. I realize you like to look outside, but I am NOT going to hold the door open so you can stay in while looking outside while not getting too cold/wet. Use the windows.

She who pays the heat bills
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on November 26, 2013, 04:13:06 PM
Sidd was a Pekingese/Terrier (we think) mix.  We called him the Peking Terror.  Or, once he lost one eye, the Peeking Terror.  ;D
That was really, really bad, Lynnv. >:D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lynnv on November 26, 2013, 04:17:28 PM
Sidd was a Pekingese/Terrier (we think) mix.  We called him the Peking Terror.  Or, once he lost one eye, the Peeking Terror.  ;D
That was really, really bad, Lynnv. >:D

So were we downright awful if we sometimes called him the Peeking Peking Terror?

Seriously, that little dog had some racial memory of when only royalty was allowed to own Pekes.  And he was NOT sure he approved of us commoners now having the privilege.  But he was pretty sure he could train us up to be decent servants.  How he ended up on the street (and having a tough time there) and then at the shelter is a mystery.  He was clearly someone's spoiled, beloved, spoiled, pampered, spoiled pet.  And that was before we got him.   8)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on November 29, 2013, 04:05:55 PM
Dear Pelon,

It's cute that you love veggies so much, even raw brussels sprouts! However, if I'd realized that you would spend all night with your butt facing me and farting brussels sprouts farts, I wouldn't've given you any.

Don't plan on getting anymore brussels sprouts for a while.

The Veggie Dispenser
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on November 29, 2013, 08:15:27 PM
Dear Pelon,

It's cute that you love veggies so much, even raw brussels sprouts! However, if I'd realized that you would spend all night with your butt facing me and farting brussels sprouts farts, I wouldn't've given you any.

Don't plan on getting anymore brussels sprouts for a while.

The Veggie Dispenser

Okay now THAT is funny!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on November 30, 2013, 07:13:21 PM
Cap'tn Jack -

Cousin's baby is not a puppy. All the humans are allowed to play with and hold the baby so you can stop barking and snipping at everyone when the baby gets picked up or tickled. Also please stop licking the baby's nose.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on December 01, 2013, 01:11:59 AM
Cap'tn Jack -

Cousin's baby is not a puppy. All the humans are allowed to play with and hold the baby so you can stop barking and snipping at everyone when the baby gets picked up or tickled. Also please stop licking the baby's nose.
Honey Girl loves to thoroughly lick my husband's face, at least the parts not covered by his full beard.  She doesn't just lick his nose, she can curl her tongue & clean out his nose.  [that might have belonged in the gross out thread]

I prefer not to have a dog lick my face, so I only let her lick my neck under my jaw/ear.  I have to be careful not to speak while she is in my lap unless I also want my tonsils licked.  :o
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on December 01, 2013, 02:18:14 PM
Hes not supposed to lick at all - 6 years of "no lick!" training.  But he'd sneak over and tip baby L's nose when he thought no one could see. It was funny - but not allowed.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Iris on December 02, 2013, 12:12:21 AM
Hes not supposed to lick at all - 6 years of "no lick!" training.  But he'd sneak over and tip baby L's nose when he thought no one could see. It was funny - but not allowed.

One of my friends met my dog for the first time the other day. She's an extremely 'doggy' person and immediately started encouraging him to jump up for a cuddle and a kiss. My poor dog got quite anxious because he knows it's BAD to jump up on or lick my friends, but he so wanted to take advantage of the opportunity. I had to do some quick interference on that one.

DDs though? He thinks they're fair game for a quick kiss.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RebeccainGA on December 05, 2013, 03:07:42 PM
Sweet Schroder - I know you are so happy we came home from the hospital, even if you did have the run of the whole bedroom and bathroom while we were gone. However, one of your humans has 30+ inches worth of staples holding them together, and the other one is exhausted. Please stop spinning in circles and jumping like mad for a second! I can't even focus my eyes on you!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on December 06, 2013, 01:02:23 PM
Sweet Schroder - I know you are so happy we came home from the hospital, even if you did have the run of the whole bedroom and bathroom while we were gone. However, one of your humans has 30+ inches worth of staples holding them together, and the other one is exhausted. Please stop spinning in circles and jumping like mad for a second! I can't even focus my eyes on you!

I'm glad to hear that your DP is well enough to come home.  Poor Schroder needs a chewie toy to occupy him until he gets used to you two being back.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: readingchick on December 06, 2013, 03:11:32 PM
Dear Eddie:

I don't understand why you keep trying to mount your fur-companion; you have no twootters and she doesn't have the requisite female parts. It's not going to work!

Love,

Your sissy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: cattlekid on December 06, 2013, 03:15:13 PM
Dear Clark,

Your literary choices are starting to irritate me.  Taking a Bible and Stephen King's 11/22/63 (both hardback!) off the shelf and EATING THEM does not make me happy and I doubt they are any better on the way out.

Signed,
Someone who would like to actually read a book before it's shredded
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on December 06, 2013, 03:38:40 PM
Dear Eddie:

I don't understand why you keep trying to mount your fur-companion; you have no twootters and she doesn't have the requisite female parts. It's not going to work!

Love,

Your sissy
"Mounting" is not exclusively for procreation; It can be a dominance move.  The one on top wants to be the "top dog."  Interrupt him with an abrupt noise (shake coins in a metal can) or just say "no!"
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on December 06, 2013, 10:22:42 PM
Jack Jack -

It's called "ice" and right now there's a good 2 inches plus everywhere. There is no grass, there is no "warm spot"   It's not gonna be any warmer tomorrow so you might as all get used to it. suck it up buttercup and pee already!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: ------ on December 06, 2013, 11:03:55 PM
Dear Honey,

I know you want - or need - to go outside, even when it rains. And I know you hate being out in the rain. I know you're trying to proactively seek solutions, but when it rains in the front yard, it's also raining in the back yard. Trust me on this.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: readingchick on December 07, 2013, 05:25:55 AM
Dear Eddie:

I don't understand why you keep trying to mount your fur-companion; you have no twootters and she doesn't have the requisite female parts. It's not going to work!

Love,

Your sissy
"Mounting" is not exclusively for procreation; It can be a dominance move.  The one on top wants to be the "top dog."  Interrupt him with an abrupt noise (shake coins in a metal can) or just say "no!"

She cleans his clock when he tries it.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on December 07, 2013, 03:54:04 PM
It can also be an 'excitement' reaction.  One of my girls gets excited when we have visitors, and she takes her fave soft toy into her doggy bed, holds the toy in her mouth and humps the bed.  She also does it during playtime if she gets overwrought.

At least she seems to have stopped doing it to her sister...
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on December 08, 2013, 08:57:32 AM
Dear Pelon,

Barking at the snow won't make it go away. You can stop now.

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: AnnaT on December 10, 2013, 06:52:42 PM
I sat for a couple of hours last night reading through this website (Texts from Dog) which is absolutely hilarious (but contains some spicy language - not all texts and its not bad but its there).  If you have some spare time, I recommend clicking and reading. :)

http://textfromdog.tumblr.com/ (http://textfromdog.tumblr.com/)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on December 11, 2013, 08:48:51 AM
Dear Annabelle,

I can't make the rain stop. I'm good, but not that good. I promise it will be a short potty break. However, you cannot stay in. These are expensive Oriental rugs and your mama wants to keep them nice.

Love,

The one who cuddles you on the couch
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on December 15, 2013, 06:57:36 PM
Seriously Bailey - how can you NOT figure out how to go up the stairs?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on December 15, 2013, 07:04:05 PM
Dear Baxter,

Just because the car door is open doesn't mean we're going for a ride.  Also, while you might be big enough, you lack opposeable thumbs and can't operate the clutch and gear shift, so please get out of the driver's seat.

Love,
Your Driver.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on December 15, 2013, 07:30:01 PM
Dear Smokey,

When your people are occupied on the bed, and are not paying attention to you, you should go elsewhere.  You were highly confused by the activities occurring, and your people were not pleased to find themselves being stared at. 

Thank you,

Your mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on December 15, 2013, 07:54:30 PM
^ Better than joining in, as I've heard from one friend and his wife.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on December 15, 2013, 09:01:23 PM
Dear Baxter,

Just because the car door is open doesn't mean we're going for a ride.  Also, while you might be big enough, you lack opposeable thumbs and can't operate the clutch and gear shift, so please get out of the driver's seat.

Love,
Your Driver.

did you take a picture?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on December 15, 2013, 09:11:01 PM
Dear Baxter,

Just because the car door is open doesn't mean we're going for a ride.  Also, while you might be big enough, you lack opposeable thumbs and can't operate the clutch and gear shift, so please get out of the driver's seat.

Love,
Your Driver.

did you take a picture?

Not this time, but here's one from one of the other 3000 times he's done it. :)

(http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn67/mmsw1/Mobile%20Uploads/1387163345_zpsc5865404.jpg) (http://s301.photobucket.com/user/mmsw1/media/Mobile%20Uploads/1387163345_zpsc5865404.jpg.html)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on December 15, 2013, 10:38:11 PM
Dear dogrug:

While it may not be painful for you when the cats walk on you, I assure you, that since I outweigh you, it would be incredibly bad if I were to do the same thing.  Therefore, perhaps you could be so kind as to not sleep in the parts of the house that I walk through the most?  Also, since you let the cats literally walk all over you, I'm taking your dog card away.

Love,
The treat dispenser
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: cattlekid on December 16, 2013, 11:02:38 AM
Dear Clark (aka Daddy's boy):

Sorry that Daddy was away unexpectedly Saturday night.  Car tires and unknown objects in the road don't always play well together. 

You got the highly coveted opportunity to sleep in the people bed that night.  Therefore, there really was no reason to spend Sunday staring at the door, waiting for Daddy to come home.  You started to give Mommy a complex.

Signed,
Mommy isn't that bad, is she?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MissRose on December 16, 2013, 11:11:49 AM
Dear Keeta,

Yes, you were a good dog when I visited you, your daughter, granddaughter and son in law (all dogs LOL).  I am quite surprised you didn't want to go outside with the rest of them while my nephew started up his mom's car so it would get a bit warm for her drive to work as all you like to do guard duty.  But staring a hole through me because I had food, last I checked you are well fed and not moving from by my feet.

At least you were polite and sat nicely for me when I gave you a bit of the sandwich bun : ) (so maybe sitting by me paid off lol)

Love, Auntie Rose
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Sanity Lost on December 16, 2013, 07:40:02 PM
Dear Daisy,
I appreciate your help, but the "squealy, pulls your fur" (aka the 2 year old toddler) does not need a bath right now. Nor do you need to investigate her diaper pail.
Thank you
Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on December 16, 2013, 08:23:28 PM
Mom,

Squealy fur-pullers ALWAYS need baths. ALWAYS.

Promoting good hygiene,
Daisy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on December 30, 2013, 11:51:56 AM
Dear dogs,

It was a cold, rainy morning Sunday. The rain meant the the guys working on the addition to the house behind us didn't start hammering at o'dark thirty the way they have for too long now.

We were all warm and comfy in the bed. So why, WHY?!? did you feel the need to get up and make me get up, only to go back to sleep on the sofa? Sheesh.

Your irritated mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Tashigi on December 30, 2013, 07:26:16 PM
Dear Fuzzy One,

1. That is a baby gate, not the Gates of Mordor. It is not going to eat you. Yes, it clatters loudly when it falls over but it's a GATE. It's not going to eat you.

2. Yes, I know you hate other dogs. Yes, I know the other fuzzball that lives next door is the equivalent of an unholy combination of Nermal and Odie with no self-preservation instincts whatsoever. He's what we call a PUPPY, dear. He's just trying to play with you. No need to snarl and try to bite him.

3. Will you stop trying to get to chocolate?! It's a good thing Dad caught you before you made more than a nibble on the box of See's mixed nut assortment. Memo: Chocolate is bad for you! Then again, why should I be surprised, since you once tore apart a bag of mistletoe?

Your irritated big sibling

Note to readers: she didn't actually eat any chocolates, just tore the wrapper and dented the box slightly; it really was a good thing my father caught her just in time!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on December 30, 2013, 07:30:26 PM
Yeah - a $400 vet bill for a pumped stomached (my Yorkie ate the whole bag of Hershey's kisses) is not fun
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on December 30, 2013, 07:38:16 PM
Dear Baxter,

You are a lush.  Red wine and Jack Daniels aren't cheap.  Please refrain from drinking them in the future.

Love,
Mommy.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Tashigi on December 30, 2013, 08:44:37 PM
Yeah - a $400 vet bill for a pumped stomached (my Yorkie ate the whole bag of Hershey's kisses) is not fun

Indeed. The fuzzy one is a hefty though still small Pomeranian.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on December 30, 2013, 08:55:41 PM
Dear Baxter,

You are a lush.  Red wine and Jack Daniels aren't cheap.  Please refrain from drinking them in the future.

Love,
Mommy.

This needs to go in the Things you should not laugh at thread... but is poor Baxter okay?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on December 30, 2013, 09:02:21 PM
Dear Baxter,

You are a lush.  Red wine and Jack Daniels aren't cheap.  Please refrain from drinking them in the future.

Love,
Mommy.

This needs to go in the Things you should not laugh at thread... but is poor Baxter okay?

Baxter is a 148 pound mastiff.  He can handle his liquor.   And yes, I shouldn't laugh, but it was hysterical.   He doesn't go after any other kind of alcohol, but red wine and whiskey are a weakness of his. He goes to great lengths to steal it. When he does manage I try to get it away from him ASAP and monitor him closely until I'm sure he's okay.  I swear one of these days I'm going to have to explain to a vet why I'm bringing in a drunk dog.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 30, 2013, 09:55:05 PM
Dear Baxter,

You are a lush.  Red wine and Jack Daniels aren't cheap.  Please refrain from drinking them in the future.

Love,
Mommy.

This needs to go in the Things you should not laugh at thread... but is poor Baxter okay?

Baxter is a 148 pound mastiff.  He can handle his liquor.   And yes, I shouldn't laugh, but it was hysterical.   He doesn't go after any other kind of alcohol, but red wine and whiskey are a weakness of his. He goes to great lengths to steal it. When he does manage I try to get it away from him ASAP and monitor him closely until I'm sure he's okay.  I swear one of these days I'm going to have to explain to a vet why I'm bringing in a drunk dog.

That is an awesome name for a mastiff!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on December 30, 2013, 10:06:42 PM
Dear Baxter,

You are a lush.  Red wine and Jack Daniels aren't cheap.  Please refrain from drinking them in the future.

Love,
Mommy.

This needs to go in the Things you should not laugh at thread... but is poor Baxter okay?

Baxter is a 148 pound mastiff.  He can handle his liquor.   And yes, I shouldn't laugh, but it was hysterical.   He doesn't go after any other kind of alcohol, but red wine and whiskey are a weakness of his. He goes to great lengths to steal it. When he does manage I try to get it away from him ASAP and monitor him closely until I'm sure he's okay.  I swear one of these days I'm going to have to explain to a vet why I'm bringing in a drunk dog.

That is an awesome name for a mastiff!

Thanks!  While Baxter is his "real" name, I'm pretty much the only one that calls him that.  The boys call him Bubba or Bubbles.  I have strange kids.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on December 30, 2013, 11:36:31 PM
Dear Fuzzy One,

1. That is a baby gate, not the Gates of Mordor. It is not going to eat you. Yes, it clatters loudly when it falls over but it's a GATE. It's not going to eat you.

2. Yes, I know you hate other dogs. Yes, I know the other fuzzball that lives next door is the equivalent of an unholy combination of Nermal and Odie with no self-preservation instincts whatsoever. He's what we call a PUPPY, dear. He's just trying to play with you. No need to snarl and try to bite him.

3. Will you stop trying to get to chocolate?! It's a good thing Dad caught you before you made more than a nibble on the box of See's mixed nut assortment. Memo: Chocolate is bad for you! Then again, why should I be surprised, since you once tore apart a bag of mistletoe?

Your irritated big sibling

Note to readers: she didn't actually eat any chocolates, just tore the wrapper and dented the box slightly; it really was a good thing my father caught her just in time!

See's Nuts and Chews!  You can't blame your fuzzy one for trying - they're too good to not make the effort. 

When I was a teenager, my poodle ate an entire box of See's Assorted.  She didn't suffer anything more than a need to go outside rather frequently for a few days afterwards.  That was before it was known that chocolate is so toxic to dogs.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on December 31, 2013, 09:06:27 AM
Yeah - a $400 vet bill for a pumped stomached (my Yorkie ate the whole bag of Hershey's kisses) is not fun

Two shelties + two pounds of bakers chocolate= one terrified owner. One barely survived it- the other one yawned and wanted to know where her dinner was. We didn't call her the goat for nothing!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Ms_Cellany on December 31, 2013, 09:09:19 AM
When I was a kid, we had a suet bird feeder, and a Boston terrier who thought it was Christmas when the suet fell out.

12-pound dog who ate 5 pounds of suet. It was NOT pretty.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on December 31, 2013, 10:34:30 AM
When I was a kid, we had a suet bird feeder, and a Boston terrier who thought it was Christmas when the suet fell out.

12-pound dog who ate 5 pounds of suet. It was NOT pretty.

When my sister was in town for her wedding years ago, she brought along her little chihuahua.  At some point in the craziness of the wedding preparations (which were even more crazy than usual since the church and reception hall were condemned 2 days before the wedding), somebody failed to put all the groceries away, and a tube of refrigerator biscuits somehow wound up on the floor.  Well, those biscuits expanded and popped the container opened and Killer thought Christmas had come early.  3 pound dog and an entire tube of raw biscuit dough.  It was not pretty.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on December 31, 2013, 03:32:57 PM
Dear Colossus,

You are such a good boy.  You let the 6 year old hang all over you.  At one point, she draped her entire body over your shoulders, feet off the ground, and your only response was to try to lick her face.  When that didn't work, you just stood there and looked at me, bewildered that you couldn't reach that sweet little face to slobber it with kisses.  So patient; you two will be fast friends.

Love,

Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on December 31, 2013, 07:00:26 PM
Dear Colossus,

You are such a good boy.  You let the 6 year old hang all over you.  At one point, she draped her entire body over your shoulders, feet off the ground, and your only response was to try to lick her face.  When that didn't work, you just stood there and looked at me, bewildered that you couldn't reach that sweet little face to slobber it with kisses.  So patient; you two will be fast friends.

Love,

Mama

Can we have some colossus pics please?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on December 31, 2013, 07:03:37 PM
Yeah - a $400 vet bill for a pumped stomached (my Yorkie ate the whole bag of Hershey's kisses) is not fun

Two shelties + two pounds of bakers chocolate= one terrified owner. One barely survived it- the other one yawned and wanted to know where her dinner was. We didn't call her the goat for nothing!

I'm just thankful hubby got home, found him and dealt with it and not me. Scared him
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on December 31, 2013, 08:13:30 PM
Dear Dog,

I'm not staying up late tonight, but I am sick, and I'd like to sleep in tomorrow morning.  Can you please just stay sleeping in the morning, and let me?  If you go out at 11 or midnight, you really DON'T need to get up at 6 am.  You can hold it much longer than that.

Love,

the slightly hopeful one
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfmama on December 31, 2013, 09:52:13 PM
Yeah - a $400 vet bill for a pumped stomached (my Yorkie ate the whole bag of Hershey's kisses) is not fun

Two shelties + two pounds of bakers chocolate= one terrified owner. One barely survived it- the other one yawned and wanted to know where her dinner was. We didn't call her the goat for nothing!
Could it be that the goat got a lot less than the other dog?

I had to call the vet when Tasha ate half a chocolate layer cake and barfed most of it back up.  (She was pregnant -- morning sickness?  ;D ) My vet said that a lot of commercial chocolate products don't have enough of whatever component it is (theobromine?) that makes it toxic to dogs, especially milk chocolate.  I would guess that the darker it is, the more dangerous it is.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on January 01, 2014, 03:00:22 PM
Dear Colossus,

You are such a good boy.  You let the 6 year old hang all over you.  At one point, she draped her entire body over your shoulders, feet off the ground, and your only response was to try to lick her face.  When that didn't work, you just stood there and looked at me, bewildered that you couldn't reach that sweet little face to slobber it with kisses.  So patient; you two will be fast friends.

Love,

Mama

Can we have some colossus pics please?

(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v609/hiverfleur/Mobile%20Uploads/photo2_zps5b4ad91b.jpg) (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/hiverfleur/media/Mobile%20Uploads/photo2_zps5b4ad91b.jpg.html)

(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v609/hiverfleur/Mobile%20Uploads/a8ced547-d18b-4076-a1f6-22bea1853283_zpse3717a79.jpg) (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/hiverfleur/media/Mobile%20Uploads/a8ced547-d18b-4076-a1f6-22bea1853283_zpse3717a79.jpg.html)

Nice horse you have there  ;)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 01, 2014, 03:11:27 PM
She kept trying to ride him like he was but I told her she couldn't because she might hurt his back...so she settled for hugging him like that or draping herself across his shoulders while he walked around.  Banshee, the female Akita, didn't like it, but she sure loves playing chase.

I like to think of them as bears.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on January 01, 2014, 03:34:27 PM
Dear Suzi

It's kind of cute when you wrap yourself around my pillow to sleep, however please don't put your stinky paws in my face.

Dear Molly

Lying next to my legs in bed is nice.  Lying on the covers so that I can't pull them over when I need them isn't.  I had to get the spare blanket out of the wardrobe last night.  How in the heck can a little dog like you weigh so much??

Love

your bed buddy and chief cuddler.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on January 01, 2014, 03:59:07 PM
Dear Sammy,

I know that you have a sixth sense about when the humans in the house are sick or in pain.  This is a very good trait.  What's not a good trait is to stand vigil at the youngest human's feet all night and growl at the mommy human when she comes in to check on him. 

Love,
The mommy human.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on January 02, 2014, 09:52:40 AM
Yeah - a $400 vet bill for a pumped stomached (my Yorkie ate the whole bag of Hershey's kisses) is not fun

Two shelties + two pounds of bakers chocolate= one terrified owner. One barely survived it- the other one yawned and wanted to know where her dinner was. We didn't call her the goat for nothing!
Could it be that the goat got a lot less than the other dog?

From what my friend told me, AngelGoat probably ate a pound and a half and her younger sister Reisling had about half a pound. Reisling was touch and go for a while. Angel wanted to know why dinner was late. Goofy goat-dog.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: OSUJillyBean on January 02, 2014, 02:49:39 PM
Dear Jake,

Yes you are a good boy for defending the house from the evil Army of Squirrels.  Yes it is good exercise for you to chase them back and forth across the back fence.  However, if by some miracle you manage to catch and kill one, the squirrel does NOT become a teddy bear for you to snuggle in your dog house for four days before the humans find it.  Dead squirrels are to be thrown away, not horded like beanie babies.

And now you're getting a bath!

Love,
Bean

(This one is an old story on our dog but I had to add it!)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Jones on January 11, 2014, 12:05:03 PM
Now, Gidget, I can understand chewing up a shoe. I hate that you do it, but can understand it.

But a Bible? Put away on its shelf? Seriously? You have a burning need to go to a burning place?

(Gives new meaning to "hunger and thirst after righteousness" I suppose...)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: blue2000 on January 11, 2014, 01:25:13 PM
Now, Gidget, I can understand chewing up a shoe. I hate that you do it, but can understand it.

But a Bible? Put away on its shelf? Seriously? You have a burning need to go to a burning place?

(Gives new meaning to "hunger and thirst after righteousness" I suppose...)

Books are particularly satisfying for little teeth to gnaw on. Or so says my cat Mikey, who chewed books when he was teething, and still nibbles them sometimes. :)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on January 11, 2014, 02:46:13 PM
Now, Gidget, I can understand chewing up a shoe. I hate that you do it, but can understand it.

But a Bible? Put away on its shelf? Seriously? You have a burning need to go to a burning place?

(Gives new meaning to "hunger and thirst after righteousness" I suppose...)

Books are particularly satisfying for little teeth to gnaw on. Or so says my cat Mikey, who chewed books when he was teething, and still nibbles them sometimes. :)

Part of my reasoning for splitting the dogs the way we did when my ex and I split up was that HE got to take the book-eater.  The dog he got in the breakup ate three or four shelves of paperbacks  >:(
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on January 11, 2014, 02:55:34 PM
We had one dog who ate dad's rare out of print Japanese photography books. Dad wanted to turn her into puppyback ribs and a wall hanging.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on January 11, 2014, 04:14:13 PM
Dear Gidget

thanks for reminding me, I must put the chewable stuff away...

julian

Dear Molly and Suzi

We have a new family member arriving this afternoon.  Please be patient with her, she's only a baby.  Don't be jealous if possible, because she's Housemate's new doggy, not mine.  She is not a squeaky toy, ok?

And Molly, thank you for being such a brave little girl after your sore bottom got operated on earlier this week.  It's not nice, honey-bunny, is it?

love
She with the hammy goodness hiding the tablets.

Dear Ella

I can't wait to meet you!

Love
Auntie j
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on January 17, 2014, 04:00:59 PM
Dear Ariel,

Yes, you have  cute tummy. However, crawling toward me on your elbows and then flopping over and wiggling your tummy at me do not change the fact that YOU NEED A BATH. You want to stop having nearly-daily baths? Stop PLAYING IN THE MUD.

Pelon,

Likewise, I am even less impressed by you barking and growling at me. I know full well that you're all bark and no bite, you goof. You should realize by now that making a fuss doesn't impede me from doing what I want at all.

Lucas,

It is a bath. You are not being water-boarded. Seriously, cut the histrionics.

Your damp and still slightly muddy,

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on January 19, 2014, 04:45:07 AM
Dear Ariel,

Yes, you have  cute tummy. However, crawling toward me on your elbows and then flopping over and wiggling your tummy at me do not change the fact that YOU NEED A BATH. You want to stop having nearly-daily baths? Stop PLAYING IN THE MUD.

Pelon,

Likewise, I am even less impressed by you barking and growling at me. I know full well that you're all bark and no bite, you goof. You should realize by now that making a fuss doesn't impede me from doing what I want at all.

Lucas,

It is a bath. You are not being water-boarded. Seriously, cut the histrionics.

Your damp and still slightly muddy,

Mom

Dear dogs of Dr. F,

My mommy got tired of me creating a local spot of extremely high gravity and having to get a big man to lift me into the bathtub after I flatted myself to the floor when it was bathtime.  She reprogrammed me with cat treats to get in the bathtub on command.  Maybe your mommy can try the same thing?

Love,

Rocky, who does not like baths but does like cat treats.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on January 21, 2014, 06:25:48 PM
I have a suggestion for bathing cats and dogs which has worked extremely well for me for many, many years.  This only works if you have a stall shower with sliding doors - a curtain will not work.  You also need a hand held shower head.

First I strip down to undies so I don't get my clothes wet. Then I pick up the animal, get in the shower, and close the door.  Put the animal down and let it walk around.  Start running room temperature water.  Spray the animal.  Avoid getting their heads wet.  I wash faces/ears/heads with a damp washcloth.  This approach will not work if you start by spraying the poor critter in the face.

Get animal wet.  Start lathering with the neck in case there are fleas.  You don't want them to migrate from the body to the pet's head.  Then lather up the rest of the animal.  If using flea shampoo or medicated shampoo, turn the water off while the shampoo sits for 5 minutes.  During the waiting period, whisper sweet nothings to your little one while massaging them.  The late Bootsie (a cat) would actually purr during this part because it was the only time Midnight let her have my undivided attention.

Finally, rinse, rinse, and rinse again.  Shampoo/soap left may irritate their skin.  I dry with a towel.  Whisper more sweet nothings while drying.

We've had Honey Girl for 8 months and she gets bathed weekly.  She started out quivering the whole time and now it doesn't bother her a bit.  When summer comes and we have a hot day, I'll give her a cool shower and she'll be a convert.  My old dog, GingerBear, would beg for showers on hot days.  On the other hand, the cat, Buddy, may never agree that he needs bathing, but using the above approach, he takes his frustrations out on the sliding glass shower door and I emerge scratch-free! ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: AnnaT on January 21, 2014, 07:00:14 PM
Midnight Kitty that's exactly how I bathe my cat - which given the fluffiness of his behind and the delicateness of his stomach  :P can be too often for his (and my) peace of mind!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on January 21, 2014, 07:48:07 PM
Dear Ella

I thought you were supposed to be a Maltese Shih-Tzu cross.  Instead it appears you're actually Bengal Tiger - Great White Shark cross.

Lucky you're cute enough to pull it off anyway.

Love
Aunty J, the bleeding one.

Dear Suzi

You're a great little babysitter!  I love watching you and Ella play.  Please remind her that teeth and claws are pointy!

Love
Mum

Dear Molly

Toughen up, Buttercup!  She's here to stay. 

Love
Your refuge lap.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mbbored on January 21, 2014, 11:47:11 PM
Dear Falcor,

I'm really glad that you're so excited to ride in the car. But that high pitched whining noise you make nonstop while we're in there? It's going to make me deliberately drive off a bridge one day and nobody would blame me.

Love,
Your momma with very sensitive ears
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on January 22, 2014, 05:22:08 AM

Dear Sam

Exactly how much fluid can one dog hold? You're a goofy lad who only comes up to my hip and not that weighty, but you stand outside on your loo breaks for several minutes. Even when you're finished you sometimes leak more!

Where are you hiding all this liquid? You don't look and skinnier when you're done!

Your slightly bamboozled Human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RebeccainGA on January 22, 2014, 08:05:44 AM
Sweet Schroder, I know you are baffled by the new car. Yes, the Fiat is significantly smaller than the mini van. No, you can't ride on the dashboard in compensation for not having your own seat. However, if Mommy is driving alone, I WILL turn the seat warmer on for you (leather gets cold!).
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on January 22, 2014, 01:49:39 PM
However, if Mommy is driving alone, I WILL turn the seat warmer on for you (leather gets cold!).
Now that's what I call living in the lap of luxury. ;D

Our Princess, Honey Girl, isn't spoiled much; She just lives a civilized life.  >:D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on January 22, 2014, 11:45:06 PM
Dear Jasper,

Please stop it with the doggie farts of doom. We are not at war with anyone I promise you.

Sincerely,

Your almost stinked out human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MonteCristo on January 24, 2014, 02:49:11 PM
Dear Sydney,

I am the only one who can open the door, so I get to decide when you can go in and out.  If I call you in, and you don't come, don't expect me to drop whatever I'm doing when you finally decide your royal highness is ready to walk through the door.  I promise you that whinning definitely doesn't make me go faster, so just chill.  Also, while the kitties and I are happy that you enjoy the nice crisp weather, try to control yourself when you come back inside.  Running inside and jumping on one of us is not fun. 

I promise, as soon as it warms up a smidge we will start rollerblading again.  Just try not to go crazy in the mean time! 

With love from Mommy.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Copper Horsewoman on January 25, 2014, 10:13:35 AM
Dear Baxter,

You are a lush.  Red wine and Jack Daniels aren't cheap.  Please refrain from drinking them in the future.

Love,
Mommy.

This needs to go in the Things you should not laugh at thread... but is poor Baxter okay?

Baxter is a 148 pound mastiff.  He can handle his liquor.   And yes, I shouldn't laugh, but it was hysterical.   He doesn't go after any other kind of alcohol, but red wine and whiskey are a weakness of his. He goes to great lengths to steal it. When he does manage I try to get it away from him ASAP and monitor him closely until I'm sure he's okay.  I swear one of these days I'm going to have to explain to a vet why I'm bringing in a drunk dog.


Especially drinking and driving!  (Loved the pic of your chauffeur (SP?))
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BarensMom on January 25, 2014, 07:00:02 PM
Dear Baxter,

You are a lush.  Red wine and Jack Daniels aren't cheap.  Please refrain from drinking them in the future.

Love,
Mommy.

This needs to go in the Things you should not laugh at thread... but is poor Baxter okay?

Baxter is a 148 pound mastiff.  He can handle his liquor.   And yes, I shouldn't laugh, but it was hysterical.   He doesn't go after any other kind of alcohol, but red wine and whiskey are a weakness of his. He goes to great lengths to steal it. When he does manage I try to get it away from him ASAP and monitor him closely until I'm sure he's okay.  I swear one of these days I'm going to have to explain to a vet why I'm bringing in a drunk dog.


Especially drinking and driving!  (Loved the pic of your chauffeur (SP?))

When I was a teenager, I had a poodle that loved to drink the leftovers from my dad's bottles of wine and liquor.  He would pour it into the caps of the bottles and she'd lap it up.  Her favorite was Kahlua.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on February 20, 2014, 07:59:20 PM
Dear Shredder, Splinter and Insinkerator...

Yes you three, Molly, Ella and Suzi, in order.

Molly - my pyjamas are not chew toys.  Please do not shred them any more.  I was particularly irked about my favourite purple ones.  Not Happy!   >:(

Ella, the cockatoos throw those branches down from the pine trees because they're in the way when they're attacking the pine cones, not so that you can play with them and pull off all the needles on the loungeroom rug.  Fresh pine sap probably isn't very healthy for a wee puppy either.  Also, just in case I haven't already mentioned it forty million times a day, Leave The Cats Alone!   >:(

Suzi - the See Food diet isn't healthy for dogs.  Just because you see food doesn't mean you get to eat it.  Although that really applies to all of you, and the cats as well.   ::)

Keep this up, you lot, and I will be hiring you all out according to your specialties...  fabric recycling, wood chipping and garbage disposal...   >:D

Love
She who cooks the bacon
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on February 20, 2014, 08:51:03 PM
Dear Coffee Bean,

Waking me up to request a food bowl refill with gentle headbutts and paw taps to my face and tiny meows is cute.
Following breakfast consumption with an episode of "When Kittens Attack!" is not.  I do not need perforations. 

Love,

Your human mom.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on February 21, 2014, 06:06:55 PM
Dear Spencer,

Your tally this week is:


One Mister Bill doll
Two pairs of shoes
Three Baseball caps
A DVD
The Recycling bin
My laptop cord
A dog bed
A blanket
An ottoman

We walk you, feed you, pet you and give you lots of toys and chews. What is it you're missing so I can give it to you.

Please stop eating my stuff.

Your sad and tired foster mom.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: doodlemor on February 21, 2014, 06:23:14 PM
Dear Sweet Roy,

It's been nearly 5 long years since you left us, which was the hardest day of my life.  We have other dogs now, and we love them dearly, but I will never stop missing you.  Your loyalty and protectiveness will never be forgotten.  It was a blessing to see your transformation from a suspicious of humans cruelty case, to a contented pet.  I learned so much from you.  RIP, my dear.

Love, Mor
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Phoebelion on February 22, 2014, 08:32:12 AM
Dear Skipper,

I know you had to pretty much take care of yourself the first six years of your life.  But really - bird seed and suet?  Not good for dog tummies. 

Dear Sammi,

In the 10 years before Skipper came to live with us, you never even noticed the bird seed and suet.  Don't be a copy cat.

Love, the Filler of Bowls
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Iris on February 22, 2014, 02:55:49 PM
Dear Sunny,

I know you miss your human sister, but please stop looking so sad all the time. She's still here sometimes and I'm giving you all the love I can to make up for it, I promise!

Love
She who must be obeyed
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: hobish on February 24, 2014, 01:42:49 PM

Dear Kilik,
Why do you hate the brush? Your hair is falling out in tufts and you look like a mongrel extra from a Disney movie.

P.S. You still smell great.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on February 24, 2014, 09:01:06 PM

Dear Sam

We have to talk about this addiction of yours to gumnuts.

You're 2 years old now, and as a strapping young hound, you should have stopped this. You can't actually eat gumnuts, although you do seem to give it a dingdangity good effort. But the oil will give you tummy aches, not to mention we can smell it on your breath.

Humans are also not impressed with walking across what should be a flat floor only to find our feet sliding out from under us as we step on them and then crash to the ground. Rest assured however, that should zombies ever invade, we will need your skills to scatter them across the ground and grind it to a halt.

Until then, please stop collecting gumnuts every time you go outside, or we'll start checking your mouth before bringing you back in.

The providers of chewies.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on March 11, 2014, 06:34:48 PM

Dear Ella

The waterbowl is not your swimming pool.

The toilet flushing is not for your entertainment.

My legs and toes do not need licking when I'm fresh out of the shower (and it tickles!)

Polystyrene blocks are not good puppy chews.  Nor are plastic bags.  Nor are my paper labels for my crochet goods. 

Please stop chewing on my dogs.  And don't chase the cats any more.  They've already walloped you a few times, take a hint already!

I still haven't worked out how you manage to get such large sticks through the doggy-door. 

By the way, now you can jump up on the lounge and my bed, please be advised that these areas are Piddle Free Zones. You know where to 'go'.

Love
Auntie and supplier of morning treaties.

==================================================

Dear Molly and Suzi

You gals have the patience of a saint!

Love
Mum xx
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mbbored on March 13, 2014, 11:28:57 AM
Dear Falcor,

You literally eat garbage on a regular basis. You open doors and break child-proof locks to get to my trash cans. And on a regular basis, it makes you sick to your stomach. And yet, once you're recovering and I offer you some nice plain rice to introduce you back to foods, you turn your nose up at it. Seriously? You think rotting vegetables and used tissues are delicious, but you won't touch perfectly good rice.

I give up,
Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Ms_Cellany on March 13, 2014, 11:31:54 AM
Dear Falcor,

You literally eat garbage on a regular basis. You open doors and break child-proof locks to get to my trash cans. And on a regular basis, it makes you sick to your stomach. And yet, once you're recovering and I offer you some nice plain rice to introduce you back to foods, you turn your nose up at it. Seriously? You think rotting vegetables and used tissues are delicious, but you won't touch perfectly good rice.

I give up,
Mom

Dear Mom,

Plain rice is boring. Top it with some snot and we'll talk.

Falcor
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Firecat on March 13, 2014, 12:52:04 PM
Dear Falcor,

You literally eat garbage on a regular basis. You open doors and break child-proof locks to get to my trash cans. And on a regular basis, it makes you sick to your stomach. And yet, once you're recovering and I offer you some nice plain rice to introduce you back to foods, you turn your nose up at it. Seriously? You think rotting vegetables and used tissues are delicious, but you won't touch perfectly good rice.

I give up,
Mom

Maybe if you try cooking the rice in chicken broth? Should still be easy on his tummy, but might taste better to him.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mbbored on March 13, 2014, 09:00:21 PM
Dear Falcor,

You literally eat garbage on a regular basis. You open doors and break child-proof locks to get to my trash cans. And on a regular basis, it makes you sick to your stomach. And yet, once you're recovering and I offer you some nice plain rice to introduce you back to foods, you turn your nose up at it. Seriously? You think rotting vegetables and used tissues are delicious, but you won't touch perfectly good rice.

I give up,
Mom

Maybe if you try cooking the rice in chicken broth? Should still be easy on his tummy, but might taste better to him.

Also rejected. Today I mixed the leftovers half and half with kibble and he ate the kibble, leaving the rice behind.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on March 14, 2014, 12:29:58 AM
My dog is fairly fond of oatmeal...he didn't like the rice either!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on March 14, 2014, 01:50:03 AM

The Demons send their waggy greetings and suggest you try mixing a cup of hot water with a tablespoon of vegemite and then pouring it over the rice. We've used it as a taste encourager for decades. Dogs seem to love it, and we even mix tablets with it in bread.

Finding a flavour that hounds go for is difficult, but this might help.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on March 31, 2014, 01:39:55 PM
Dear Dogs,

Mommy is spending the day on the sofa because she's not feeling well. She is not there to give you pets and cuddles all day. Also, you each weigh 40 lbs - that's 120 lbs of dog. You all cannot fit on my lap at the same time, and you lot climbing all over me is not making me feel better. If you want me to feel well enough to take you to the Dog Park, settle down and let me rest.

Mom

P.S., Pelon - you're never getting Brussels Sprouts again. The resulting noxious fumes cleared the room of everyone, including the other dogs. Even the parrot reacted.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on April 01, 2014, 09:30:31 PM
Dear Molly

If you insist on sitting under the deck where I can't get at you, and barking your fool head off at whatever is under there (a cat???) for hours on end, then you will get hosed again.  I can't reach you but the hose can...   >:D

Dear Suzi

So will you.

Dear Ella

Don't encourage them.

Luv
The cranky human

PS Molly* - failure to come in when you get called because it's getting dark doesn't help your cause.  You know you were naughty, that's why you hid for the rest of the night once I did finally get you in.  The other two dopey dogs knew they were in trouble but came in anyway.  Having to chase you and finally catch you is too much.  Lucky I am a forgiving sort, hey?

PPS y'all look adorable soaking wet and curly! ;D

*Molly is the most incredibly stubborn dog.  She also has a very tender conscience.  She knows when she's been naughty (oh the guilty looks!  the hiding under the bed!  the head down, sneaking up to me for forgiveness!)  It would make sense if she'd ever had more than a stern word...   ::)  Unfortunately the stubborn over-rules the conscience sometimes.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on April 01, 2014, 09:36:25 PM
Dear Yancy,

Your foster mom tells me you are such a good boy. I hope you'll be very happy there and that you get well soon.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: hobish on April 01, 2014, 11:24:55 PM

Dear Dog,

I really love you, but if you steal my donuts again I will make your head into a terrible and disturbing hat with eyeholes and a veil. And i will make boots from your feet, my pretty.

xoxo
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jedikaiti on April 01, 2014, 11:58:09 PM
Dear Pilsner,

BALLOONS? WHY???

Your Humom.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on April 11, 2014, 01:50:14 AM
Dear Baxter,

I realize the last few months have been pretty crazy, but why for the love of all that is good do you insist on sleeping in the car every night?  This is not normal.

Love,
The owner of the car you have turned into your own, personal, Mastiff den.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Black Delphinium on April 11, 2014, 07:42:04 AM
Momma-
I can't tell you how I know...but THEY ARE COMING...you'll thank me for being so prepared one of these days.

Baxter
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on April 11, 2014, 11:18:52 PM
Dear Baxter,

I realize the last few months have been pretty crazy, but why for the love of all that is good do you insist on sleeping in the car every night?  This is not normal.

Love,
The owner of the car you have turned into your own, personal, Mastiff den.

Baxter, dude!

We, like, TOTALLY understand, mate! It's sooo important for a dude to have his den. And you have wheels! That's like totally rad, mate! We're going to try and take over the station wagon tonight and go cruisin' for cats to chase!

The Demon Twins
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Snooks on April 12, 2014, 03:42:18 PM
Dear Baxter,

I realize the last few months have been pretty crazy, but why for the love of all that is good do you insist on sleeping in the car every night?  This is not normal.

Love,
The owner of the car you have turned into your own, personal, Mastiff den.

Come on mmswm you know that car hasn't been yours since the moment Baxter took the driver's seat, once he works out how to turn the key you won't see him for dust! Of course you'll still need to pay the insurance, dogs are notoriously lax when it comes to admin.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on April 12, 2014, 05:44:09 PM
Very good point, Snooks.  Though, in the interest of full disclosure, I no longer drive the green civic.  My trusty little car finally went to the great garage in the sky.  It has been replaced with a minivan.  Of course, Baxter wasting no time claiming it as his own.  I might be in trouble, because the minivan has an automatic transmission, so Baxter no longer needs to figure out how to manage a clutch.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on April 12, 2014, 08:13:15 PM
Jack -

Just because Bailey is spending more time in the house does not mean you can revert back to puppyhood. You poohed in the dining room last night because daddy let her nap in the bedroom and you owed in my room tonight because ... I have no idea

Stop it. Now. You know better
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: demarco on April 12, 2014, 08:37:48 PM
Dear Temperance,

You really covered yourself with glory today, didn't you?  Not only did you steal mommy's piece of cheese right off her lunch plate but you dipped your snout right  into Daddy's pear flavored Italian ice tonight at Rita's. That's not the half of it, either, but we won't go there, will we?

Love,

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on April 12, 2014, 09:19:30 PM
Dear Baxter,

You do not need to be friends with every resident of a large US city.  Some people are afraid of big dogs.  It's not a personal insult to you if they don't want to pet you.  You don't have to slink away and mope just because one woman out of the 100 people we passed didn't stop to pet you.

Love,
The lady at the other end of the leash.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on April 13, 2014, 04:06:38 PM
Dear Baxter,

You do not need to be friends with every resident of a large US city.  Some people are afraid of big dogs.  It's not a personal insult to you if they don't want to pet you.  You don't have to slink away and mope just because one woman out of the 100 people we passed didn't stop to pet you.

Love,
The lady at the other end of the leash.

Baxter,

Poor Baby! If I were there, I'd happily snorgle your tummy and love on you double to make up for the nasty woman. Plus, my dogs - all 3! - would love to play with you (they prefer to play with much bigger dogs - dunno why). Lucas' bestie is a Rhodesian Ridgeback.

Lucas' et al. Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on April 13, 2014, 04:38:45 PM
Dear Lucas,

My best friend is a 9 pound Jack Russel/Chihuahua mix. We should totally get together and play sometime, especially if your mommy likes to give belly scritches and ear scritches.

Baxter.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on April 13, 2014, 09:11:37 PM
Dear Baxter,

I know that you used to have acres to run around on and now you only have a medium sized back yard, but this is no excuse for scaring mommy to death by laying on the sidewalk and refusing to move a block from home, necessitating your boy to text mommy with an emergency text saying "bring the van, I don't know what's wrong", then leaping up with all the glee of a spoiled puppy as soon as the van arrived.

Love,

The woman who went broke bringing you back from the brink of death*

*Baxter was poisoned with rat poison several weeks ago and is still recovering, hence my panic this afternoon.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on April 14, 2014, 02:52:43 AM

Dear Max

We need to talk about your attitude. You are loving and cuddly, but this extravagant growling you do whenever someone tries to move you is worrying. Last night you sounded like you were about to try and eat your daddy, and it's very disturbing to be woken by a dog that sounds like all three of Cerberus' heads.

Modify your language, young hound, or your days of snoozing on the bed when it's not in use are limited.

The provider of chewies and pigs ears.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on April 14, 2014, 02:57:45 AM
Dear Rocky,

Yes, I know, you don't like baths.  No dog alive does.  However, you should know that you are extremely spoiled, since you get to take baths in the warm shower water instead of cold hose water.

Love,

The human who can't stand your stench
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on April 14, 2014, 06:44:55 AM
Dear Baxter,

You know what's even more fun than refusing to move on a walk?  Making your people turn around and go back the way they came multiple times during a walk!  I used to do that to my dad all the time!  I don't do it as often now, ever since I tried it when there was the white cold stuff on the ground, and my feets got awful cold. 

Love,
Smokey

Dear Smokey,

Thank you so much for not barking at the noise that was keeping all of us awake last night.  Your people are so appreciative of that!  It made it easier to eventually fall asleep.

Also, why on earth do you bark at everything in the cul de sac except for garbage trucks?  You even bark at us when we come home, but when the huge noisy garbage trucks go by, you just sit and watch.  What makes them different?  And can we convince you that all cars share that same quality?

Love,

Your curious, but grateful, mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on April 14, 2014, 08:32:02 PM
Dear Lady Snowdragon,

I make my humans take me on 3-4 walks every day, with each walk being a minimum of 2 miles.  It's pretty fun to drag them around town.  It's also fun to watch my mommy look confused when all the shop owners downtown greet me by name when she's never met them before (but I have, since my boys take me for walks a lot too.)

Love,
Baxter.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on April 14, 2014, 09:55:01 PM

Dear Max

We need to talk about your attitude. You are loving and cuddly, but this extravagant growling you do whenever someone tries to move you is worrying. Last night you sounded like you were about to try and eat your daddy, and it's very disturbing to be woken by a dog that sounds like all three of Cerberus' heads.

Modify your language, young hound, or your days of snoozing on the bed when it's not in use are limited.

The provider of chewies and pigs ears.

Dear Max

I do the growly thing when Mum tries to move me too.  I don't know why she insists in sleeping in her own bed, in her own spot, but she does.  Humans.  Who can explain them?

I don't know how big you are, Max, but my mum just picks me up and moves me, even when I do my patented gravity-defying dead weight move.  If you're big enough and do it, your mum and dad might have to leave you right where you are!

Oh, and whatever you do, don't nip, or even pretend to nip.  The one time I tried that I got kicked off the bed altogether...  :-[  Turns out Mum is not afraid of being a Cranky Mum if I'm naughty.  And she laughs at my growls too...

Luv
Molly
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on April 14, 2014, 11:51:51 PM

Dear Molly

I'm a strapping young male Rotty, so about 50 kilos (110 pounds). I don't have to do the heavy gravity thing because I am heavy! Mum and Dad can't lift me at all anymore.

I did nip dad one night when I was younger, and he grabbed my scruff, threw me on my back onto the floor and snarled into my face. It scared me so much I wet myself! I haven't nipped since, but I don't like being moved when I'm sleeping. The louder I growl, the more I'm actually shaking, and one night I shook so much the bed vibrated against the walls. Mum gave me cuddles, but it took me a few minutes to stop shaking.

I'll probably grow out of it in time, but for now it's just annoying. And at least I'm allowed on the bed to snooze, unlike other poor doggies who have to sleep on floors or even (ugh!) outside!

Max, the ferocious and mighty snugglepup.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: ladymaureen on April 15, 2014, 06:10:45 AM
Dear Dog the First and Dog the Second:
Why is it you're particularly affectionate when I'm wearing black work pants? I just ask for information.
Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Where's the Quiet? on April 15, 2014, 08:21:23 AM
Dear QuietDog,

You've been with us for less than a month and in that time you have chewed up 7 balls. 7! I finally found the perfect ball that won't pop and can't be torn up and what happens? You drop it in the opening in the deck where the hose spigot is and now it is unreachable. I will pick up another one today if you promise not to do it again.

Love,

Your Human

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on April 15, 2014, 05:35:10 PM
Dear Dog the First and Dog the Second:
Why is it you're particularly affectionate when I'm wearing black work pants? I just ask for information.
Mom

Dear Mom,

So everyone can see our pretty furs, duh!  If you're wearing another color, the furs don't show up as well.  So we wait until everyone can see them against the black.  Because our furs are the best, and everyone should admire them!

Love,
The Dogs
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Coralreef on April 17, 2014, 08:34:10 AM
Dear Maya,

I'm sorry for laughing, but when you sneeze into your food bowl and the kibble flies all over the place, I can't help myself.

On a related subject, you don't need to sort out the kibbles, they are all the same.  Putting them in little groupings outside the bowl will not change that fact.  They will also taste the same, whether they are in or out of the bowl.  Are you counting them?

Sincerly,

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on April 21, 2014, 09:29:29 AM
Dear Dog the First and Dog the Second:
Why is it you're particularly affectionate when I'm wearing black work pants? I just ask for information.
Mom

Because we aren't black dogs. If we were, we'd snuggle with your khakis.

The Elegant Belgian
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: guihong on April 21, 2014, 09:40:35 AM
Dear Maya,

I'm sorry for laughing, but when you sneeze into your food bowl and the kibble flies all over the place, I can't help myself.

On a related subject, you don't need to sort out the kibbles, they are all the same.  Putting them in little groupings outside the bowl will not change that fact.  They will also taste the same, whether they are in or out of the bowl.  Are you counting them?

Sincerly,

Mom



Dear Mama,

I've seen you sort M&M's before eating them, though they all taste the same in the bag.  You can't get on me for this  ;D.

Love, Maya
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on April 22, 2014, 02:07:46 AM
Dear Baxter,

You are a sneaky puppy.  It's unfair tactics to get all snuggly then sneak attack by licking me in the face and sticking your tongue up my nose.  And no, I did not buy the innocent puppy look you gave me as you quickly looked away. This is gross.  Please refrain from doing so in the future.

Dear Lucy,

It's a glass door.  I know it can sometimes be hard to see, but try not to run into it at 50 miles per hour.  You might get hurt and the door might break.  Neither of these things are good options.

Love,
Mom.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on April 22, 2014, 03:55:42 AM

Dear Maya,

How do you know what those delicious smelling little balls of stuff are? Our mummy and dad are sooooo mean to us poor, starving Demons, we aren't even allowed to sniff the empty packets, and we know it must taste great!

What's your secret?

The Demon Twins.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on April 22, 2014, 04:03:25 AM
Dear Rocky,

Are you secretly a werewolf or the Hound of the Baskervilles?  Your sleep-howling is extra creepy.  Please stop so you don't give mommy nightmares.

Love,
Your very disturbed mommy.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Coralreef on April 22, 2014, 08:49:08 AM
Dear Demon Twins,

I have not been able to taste mom's kibbles, but not for lack of trying. They must taste good because she says it's her treat and she sorts them by colour (from dark grey to light grey). 

Best regards,

Maya
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on May 04, 2014, 04:02:42 PM
Dear Baxter,

I'm totally okay with the gigantic crater next to the fence, but when you start digging craters that threaten the foundation of the house, I have a problem.  Please keep your digging activities restricted to areas that won't compromise the integrity of the house.

Love,
The provider of ear scritches.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on May 10, 2014, 11:20:09 PM

Dear Max

I know your foot hurts, but there's not a lot I can do to help. You've had an aspirin already and you'll get another one in a few hours. Until then, take advantage of the soppy Human and stretch out on the lounge and snooze the day away. It will stop aching soon, I promise.

And this is why we've been mean and stopping you and Sam from charging out the back door. You raced out the door at full run, only to come to a screaming halt waving your foot in the air, because you caught a nail in the mesh across the back step, and tore the nail in 3rds, all the way up to the nail bed.

So, no more racing out the door to try and catch cats lads. From now on, a decorous trot is the way to go. Enjoy being given special treatment for a day or so.

Your Human, who is wincing at how painful it must feel.
 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on May 11, 2014, 03:14:19 AM
Dear Max,

When you're hurt your humans are even more susceptible to the sad puppy dog guilt inducing looks.  You'd be amazed at the number of belly scratches and gushy treats you can get by playing the hurt dog act.

Best Regards,
Lucy

(who's currently curled up on the sofa after having major surgery to save her life two days ago, after playtime with the big dog got a bit too vigorous).
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on May 12, 2014, 03:36:07 AM

Dear Lucy,

Oh, you're sooooo right! I got spoonfuls of yummy strawberry yoghurt, little pieces of chicken, a bowl of yummy chicken broth, hunks of bread, and half a tuna sandwich. And I got helped up and down off the bed to sleep.

But I think I might have gotten rumbled when I trotted outside and had a wrestle with Sam today. Mum was frowning and muttering something about a con-artist, whatever that is, as she brought us back inside.

Max, currently snoozing upside down on the lounge.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on May 16, 2014, 03:38:16 AM
Dear Max:

The sympathy period for the torn nail has expired. In fact, it expired some days ago.

This means that you will now revert to your regular discipline schedule. Sitting, putting on a sad puppy face, and waving your paw in the air will no longer get a sympathy pass. Stop trying it on.

The provider of chewies.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on June 12, 2014, 01:55:43 AM

Dear Sam:

You are a dog, not a rabbit. Please cease trying to tunnel through the pillows and stop making nests on the bed. It looks cute, yes, but I've remade the bed 3 times today.

The provider of chewies.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on June 12, 2014, 10:37:20 PM
Dear Ella

Please do not consider my bed your own personal playground while I'm at work.  I know you're too little to jump up on your Mummy's bed, but getting onto (and wrecking) mine isn't an alternative.  How on earth can such a small dog disrupt a bed so thoroughly?

Also, you could ease up on shredding paper and cardboard in my bed too.  Thanks.

Love
Your annoyed Auntie.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: JadeAngel on June 13, 2014, 02:12:50 AM
Dear Scout,

No I haven't forgotten you, how could I you're drooling in my lap. Just a couple of things;

1. You've already had your lunch
2. I am eating soup. Soup is not a sharing food
3. All donations are presented in your food dish once I have finished my lunch because we're trying to teach you not to jump up and beg

Yes I yelled at you for chewing on the power cord because it was plugged in and could kill you so quit sulking. Finally I have no idea what that thing was you dragged in from your walk, but it's covered in mud and smells like you pulled it out of a pile of rotting sardines so it's gone in the outside bin and you're not getting it back no matter how long you search for it.

I love you puppy but we really should have called you 'Snout' not 'Scout' because you're always sticking yours where it doesn't belong.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on June 13, 2014, 02:36:48 AM
Dear Baxter,

It's a bath, not a torture chamber.  I promise you that you'll feel better without 5 pounds of mud and dirt ground into your fur.

Love,
The one who likes to keep you at least sort of clean.

(Have you ever tried to give a reluctant mastiff a bath?  I look like I got into a fight with a weed eater.  And lost.)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on June 13, 2014, 04:28:40 AM

Dear Baxter:

When we were at the vet as pups, we spoke to one of those cat creatures, and he told us how to avoid the bath at home. When they're lifting you in, you let your back legs drop onto the tub rim, and then use that to push off! We do this so well, our Hoomins take us to one of those special bath places at our favourite pet supply store, where we get to walk into the tub, have a warm water wash, and get blow-dryed and smell-nice wash stuff. And we get given treats afterwards!

Our Hoomins can wash us both in 20 minutes for less than $14. So Baxter, dude, try the drop and push method, it works like a charm.

Rock on Mastiff bro,

Sam and Max, the Demon Twins.
 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on June 13, 2014, 06:36:23 AM
Dear Sadie -
Oh for the love of all noms!  That is the neighbor starting his truck.  Again.  Like he always does.  It is the same truck as it has been ALL your life.  Get over it.  I know he starts it early in the morning.  Your beloved* wanted to sleep for 10 more minutes and did not need the "danger damger" bark alert waking him up. 

Hush already

The one that was already up
*even though I am the feeder, take out for most "times", ....  I am not Beloved.  That would be my DH
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on June 13, 2014, 01:25:04 PM
Dear Baxter,

It's a bath, not a torture chamber.  I promise you that you'll feel better without 5 pounds of mud and dirt ground into your fur.

Love,
The one who likes to keep you at least sort of clean.

(Have you ever tried to give a reluctant mastiff a bath?  I look like I got into a fight with a weed eater.  And lost.)

Dear Baxter,

I used to increase gravity around me when mommy wanted to give me a bath, and mommy used to make daddy lift me because she can't deadlift 80lbs of weight that is actively forcing itself to the ground.  Mommy decided that she didn't like daddy anymore, and realized she needed to be able to give me a bath on her own, so she got a bottle of treats with a picture of a cat on the outside, and spent a few hours leading me to the bathtub with treats and then giving me lots of treats in the tub.  Now mommy tells me to get in the tub and I do it because I hope she's going to give me treats but most of the time she just gives me a bath instead.

Love,
Rocky the stubborn Labrador.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: pinkflamingo on June 13, 2014, 04:46:44 PM
Dear Daisy,

I understand that you were awake and bored without your ball. However, frantically scratching at the side of the bed before 6am as if to alert me that Timmy fell down the well will not endear you to me. I put it in your bed last night. It is your fault for relocating it to under the dining room table.

Love,
Your sleepy human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on June 13, 2014, 06:21:56 PM
Dear Sam, Max and Rocky,

I will not give in to the bath! I know the tricks humans use and won't fall fir them. Mommy even tried raw steak, but I knew better. Mommy is also having a hard time finding a new groomer who will take a 125 pound dog, so she's in her own for the moment.

Baxter.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: readingchick on June 13, 2014, 07:11:06 PM
Dear Marshall (or Madmartigan),

You do not need to bark every time I come up the stairs. It's starting to give me a headache. Seriously. Your furcousins know it's me, why don't you follow their lead?

Your annoyed human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: JadeAngel on June 15, 2014, 06:41:45 PM
Dear Scout,

Told you you didn't like bell peppers stuffed with feta... bet next time you'll think twice before stealing food off my plate. In the meantime if rubbing your face on the carpet to take the taste away isn't working try visiting your water dish.

Serves you right.

Love

Me.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jedikaiti on June 16, 2014, 05:36:59 PM
Dear Scout:

Can I have the one you didn't like?

Pilsner
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on June 16, 2014, 06:20:30 PM
Dear Lucy,

You have your own pillows.  Stay off mine.

Love,
The one who doesn't like to sleep on pillow cases that smell like dog.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mlmama on June 21, 2014, 11:49:25 PM
Dear Lavinia and Sirius,
You both get the same amount of attention. There is no need to shove in front of each other. I have 2 hands, one for each of ya.
 
Dear Loki,
When I say get out of the kitchen, that doesn't mean lay on the line between the kitchen and living room giving me sad eyes. Your food is next to you.

Dear Cujo,
Yes, you are tiny and cute, and a princess. This does not mean that the chair is yours when I get up. I expect to have more than 4 inches to sit on when I come back, please.

Love,
Giver of chest rubs
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on June 22, 2014, 04:48:24 PM
Dear Spike,

I read your mommy's post and she misses you so much. Find Tracy and all the other pups who made it to the rainbow bridge. Play together and have fun. If it's not too much, let your mommy know you're ok.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on July 08, 2014, 08:10:46 PM
Dear Baxter,

Chewing on the water faucet is poor form.  Your water bowl is fresh and full.  You don't need running water to stay hydrated.  I will be taking the cost of a new faucet out of your treat budget.

Also, you're lucky your 13 year old human really wants to go to the beach tomorrow, because I'm in no mood to do you any favors.

Love,
The one who really didn't want to do plumbing work today.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on July 08, 2014, 11:02:24 PM
Dear Neighbour Dog,

You know me.  You know who I am.  Please stop flipping out and barking nonstop every time I step foot in my back yard.  I would like to spray my weeds in peace.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: JadeAngel on July 09, 2014, 02:45:28 AM
Hey Scout,

It's very clever of you to come up with not one but two new and exciting games this week - unfortunately i'm not a real fan of either one.

Shotgun!
Okay, this one is my fault. I invited you onto the bed. But I only meant get up this one time. Waiting until one of us has to answer the call of nature during the night and then leaping into the bed like a furry missile and curling up in our warm spot is not on. Especially when you then dead weight when we try to get you off the bed. You have your own bed, please be sticking to it from now on.

Hide and Go Seek
Whereupon you sneak into rooms you're not supposed to be in and leave us 'little presents' in unexpected places. Really not loving opening up the door to the spare bedroom and being knocked flat on my back by a wall of stench - also how did you get behind the curtains?

After consideration i've invented a third game - it's called 'Scout gets a meaty bone which keeps her quiet for anything up to an hour' and if you play your cards right we could be playing this one a lot. But only if you drop the other two - particularly hide and go seek.

Do we have a deal?

Love

The Purveyor of Meaty Bones
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on July 09, 2014, 09:24:34 PM
I jack - the rabbits are bigger than you and not afraid of you since you're on a leash. Save your dignity and ignore them

Also, I know the new wood floor is scary, but it's not going to hurt you. Just walk on it already
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on July 09, 2014, 09:47:41 PM
Dear Lucy,

You are a 10 pound scrap of nothing.  Stop acting like you are the big, bad dog on the block.  Your little brother (the mastiff) won't always be there to protect you when bigger dogs call your bluff.

Love,
The one who'd like to see you live to a ripe old age.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on July 09, 2014, 11:46:32 PM
Dear Molly

I'm sorry you had to come to work with me today, but I can't ignore the sore paws and general grumpiness - something's wrong, you need to go to the vet, and I need to work, so here you are.  Thankfully you've been such a good girl!  But really, the elevator isn't going to eat you, there's no need to be so scared of it.

Dear Suzi

Molly hasn't had a fun day today, she's been to the doctor and is bored out of her mind in my office.  So it's not an entertainment outing.  I'm sorry you missed out on coming in too, but really it just isn't gonna happen.  Barking and whining will not make it happen.

Dear Ella

Power cords are not chew toys.  Particularly when they're plugged in and actively charging something.  If you'd electrocuted your silly self I would not have been surprised.  I'm also surprised my device survived.  Next time I may seriously consider making a new hat out of your hide, missy!  [Not really, but good grief!]

Love
the provider of treats and warm lap and cuddles
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on July 10, 2014, 03:04:11 AM

Dear Sam

I know it's been a long time since you and your Demon brother had a good long walk, but we need to chat about your attitude.

1) I put you outside after I got dressed so I could get everything ready without your "help". Dancing around and barrooing at the top of your voice was not needed. You just annoyed me and woke up every other dog for streets around.

2) You know you don't wear neck chains anymore. You have a lovely, bright red harness instead. However -- this does involve standing still and letting me get your feet in it and adjusting the chest. Doing a bouncing kangaroo impression every time I bent down merely made me lose my temper when I got bashed in the nose. Also, once your harness is on, shoving Max out of the way while I try and put his on did not help.

3) We had a lovely 5k walk across the valley and back. Yes, that little white dog that charged up and down his fence yelling his head off was rude. There was no need for you to rocket to the end of you lead and shout rude things back however. We were all tired and it very nearly went bad. And when Rotties like yourself are involved, the other Humans will not be nice. We won't go that way again.

Dear Max

You were a very good dog, and I was very pleased. We will be doing lots of walks again, just as soon as I can work out how to safely take you both out.

The (exhausted) provider of ears and chewies.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on July 10, 2014, 12:01:31 PM

Dear Sam

I know it's been a long time since you and your Demon brother had a good long walk, but we need to chat about your attitude.

1) I put you outside after I got dressed so I could get everything ready without your "help". Dancing around and barrooing at the top of your voice was not needed. You just annoyed me and woke up every other dog for streets around.

2) You know you don't wear neck chains anymore. You have a lovely, bright red harness instead. However -- this does involve standing still and letting me get your feet in it and adjusting the chest. Doing a bouncing kangaroo impression every time I bent down merely made me lose my temper when I got bashed in the nose. Also, once your harness is on, shoving Max out of the way while I try and put his on did not help.

3) We had a lovely 5k walk across the valley and back. Yes, that little white dog that charged up and down his fence yelling his head off was rude. There was no need for you to rocket to the end of you lead and shout rude things back however. We were all tired and it very nearly went bad. And when Rotties like yourself are involved, the other Humans will not be nice. We won't go that way again.

Dear Max

You were a very good dog, and I was very pleased. We will be doing lots of walks again, just as soon as I can work out how to safely take you both out.

The (exhausted) provider of ears and chewies.

When I had two big dogs, I had to start walking them separately after a leaf-chasing incident where I got pulled off my feet and across about 30 feet of dirt and concrete.  They were much easier to deal with that way...
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on July 10, 2014, 12:54:34 PM

Dear Sam

I know it's been a long time since you and your Demon brother had a good long walk, but we need to chat about your attitude.

1) I put you outside after I got dressed so I could get everything ready without your "help". Dancing around and barrooing at the top of your voice was not needed. You just annoyed me and woke up every other dog for streets around.

2) You know you don't wear neck chains anymore. You have a lovely, bright red harness instead. However -- this does involve standing still and letting me get your feet in it and adjusting the chest. Doing a bouncing kangaroo impression every time I bent down merely made me lose my temper when I got bashed in the nose. Also, once your harness is on, shoving Max out of the way while I try and put his on did not help.

3) We had a lovely 5k walk across the valley and back. Yes, that little white dog that charged up and down his fence yelling his head off was rude. There was no need for you to rocket to the end of you lead and shout rude things back however. We were all tired and it very nearly went bad. And when Rotties like yourself are involved, the other Humans will not be nice. We won't go that way again.

Dear Max

You were a very good dog, and I was very pleased. We will be doing lots of walks again, just as soon as I can work out how to safely take you both out.

The (exhausted) provider of ears and chewies.

Rotties -  I love rotties.  But a rottie bouncing like a kangaroo?  Heh that is a great visual.  They do sometimes forget that they are big dogs.  (All the ones that I have met were big baby loves.)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on July 10, 2014, 01:17:38 PM
Dear Baxter and the Deamon Twins,

I'd really love to see what would happen if we got you three together for a play date.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on July 10, 2014, 09:41:45 PM
Dear Smokey,

Why are you such a dingbat?  I'm really tired of letting you outside, only to have you stand just off the deck and look at me confusedly, as if you're no longer sure why we take you outside.  If you want to go back inside (and why would you?  It's July and beautiful outside!) then go potty, do your business and I'll let you back inside.  Standing there like a lump and a dingbat gets you chased around the yard.  Please, dingbat.  Just go potty.  It's something you're supposed to want to do!

Love,

Your people
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on July 10, 2014, 10:54:19 PM
Dear Gemini,

Please stop peeling off your scabs! That paw needs to heal. If you don't stop, the vet had given me a muzzle to use with the cone of shame.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on July 11, 2014, 03:01:50 AM
Dear Baxter and the Deamon Twins,

I'd really love to see what would happen if we got you three together for a play date.

The level of chaos that would ensue would be unbelievable.

And yes, the boys are loveable idiots. We're welcomed at all the local pet supply emporiums because they're so goofy, although the lads aren't keen on small dogs. Something about the yapping seems to get on their nerves.

Sam really does bounce like a kangaroo when he gets worked up. He barroos his head off and stands on his back legs, front paws waving madly. That's when he's not bouncing up and down on all four like he's got springs for feet. When I was putting his harness on, he mashed my nose several times. It was very painful and I'm afraid I lost my temper for a moment. Nothing serious though.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MissRose on July 11, 2014, 11:21:07 AM
Dear Coco,

Why do you gotta jump up on me then try to jump over the other dogs at the door every time I visit.  I know you are excited to see me.  Calm down lol!!!

Love, Auntie Janet (and provider of doggie treats)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: siamesecat2965 on July 11, 2014, 01:31:11 PM
Dear puppy niece,
I get that you are beyond thrilled I'm spending a few days taking care of you and your puppy brother. But, whining at 6am to get up on the bed, and then sticking your face in mine, and sneezing isn't acceptable.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on July 11, 2014, 03:13:35 PM
Dear Lucas,

The little dogs and the dog park are NOT speed bumps. Stop jumping over them. They don't like it.

Ariel,

Why is it that you will play with anydog anytime except at the dog park? You nut.

Pelon,

Please stay with your brother and sister at the dog park. I need to keep all 3 of you in sight and it makes me nervous when you just wander off and do your own thing.

Your frazzled Mom

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: wheeitsme on July 11, 2014, 05:57:38 PM
Dear Melody,

You may be black, but you are a Laborador, not a hockey puck. 

Others don't always understand when you try to 5-hole them.

The goalie what loves you.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on July 11, 2014, 06:59:29 PM
Dear Ella

OK, you survived chewing up the kindle cable.  Did you have to go back and have another go at the kindle itself?  Seriously, missy, chewing on the kindle?  Thank Dog it still works, or I would definitely be a very cross aunty today...  And no, it wasn't on the bed, it was on the nightstand.  Is nothing safe??!

not so much love
Aunty Grumblebum...
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: creativecat on July 11, 2014, 07:41:54 PM
Dear Mookie: Do you have to be in my lap or need me to pet you 24/7? You are oh-so-needy! Also, you don't need to randomly bark at things that don't exist.

Dear Lucy: The world is not out to get you. Simmer down, little girl!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on July 11, 2014, 08:48:46 PM
Rocky,

Why?  Why there?  Do you know how difficult that is to clean?

Not so much love right now,

The maid.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on July 12, 2014, 06:27:15 PM
Dear Baxter,

Don't you think a foxhole that's six feet long, three feet wide and 4 or so feet deep is big enough?  There's no need to tunnel under the house.  Really, I promise.

Love,

The one shoveling dirt back up against the foundation of the house.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on July 12, 2014, 07:55:33 PM

Dear mum,

I'm preparing for the invasion of the Felines! Look at all the pointy weapons they have! And they've got those stink skunks on their side!!

You'll thank me for these trenches when the war starts!

Love, Baxter.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on July 12, 2014, 08:23:10 PM
I think Hogan and Baxter share a brain. We have the start of a moat around our home.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on July 13, 2014, 12:57:55 PM
We have a hole in the back yard that a couple generations of dogs have dug. My mother was convinced that at some point they'd hit the other side and we'd have a salt water fountain.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bandu on July 13, 2014, 07:47:28 PM
Dear Ella

OK, you survived chewing up the kindle cable.  Did you have to go back and have another go at the kindle itself?  Seriously, missy, chewing on the kindle?  Thank Dog it still works, or I would definitely be a very cross aunty today...  And no, it wasn't on the bed, it was on the nightstand.  Is nothing safe??!

not so much love
Aunty Grumblebum...
Dear Ella,

Please forgive me for being a bit forward in writing to you.

I ate my food provider's eyeglasses. I think we might have things in common. Let's meet up!

Mamadog
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on July 13, 2014, 07:49:49 PM
I think Hogan and Baxter share a brain. We have the start of a moat around our home.

I'm pretty sure we'd have even more foxholes/trenches if Baxter could get to more of the yard.  He's blocked off from two sides of the house.  Maybe that's why he's attempting to tunnel underneath it....
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on July 13, 2014, 07:56:58 PM
Dear Ella

OK, you survived chewing up the kindle cable.  Did you have to go back and have another go at the kindle itself?  Seriously, missy, chewing on the kindle?  Thank Dog it still works, or I would definitely be a very cross aunty today...  And no, it wasn't on the bed, it was on the nightstand.  Is nothing safe??!

not so much love
Aunty Grumblebum...
Dear Ella,

Please forgive me for being a bit forward in writing to you.

I ate my food provider's eyeglasses. I think we might have things in common. Let's meet up!

Mamadog

Dear Mamadog

That could be fun!  I could bring Aunty Molly who also ate her mum's glasses.  And her shoes.  And her socks.  And a few bras and knickers as well.

Luv
Ella
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on July 13, 2014, 08:10:07 PM
Dear Ella

OK, you survived chewing up the kindle cable.  Did you have to go back and have another go at the kindle itself?  Seriously, missy, chewing on the kindle?  Thank Dog it still works, or I would definitely be a very cross aunty today...  And no, it wasn't on the bed, it was on the nightstand.  Is nothing safe??!

not so much love
Aunty Grumblebum...
Dear Ella,

Please forgive me for being a bit forward in writing to you.

I ate my food provider's eyeglasses. I think we might have things in common. Let's meet up!

Mamadog

Dear Mamadog

That could be fun!  I could bring Aunty Molly who also ate her mum's glasses.  And her shoes.  And her socks.  And a few bras and knickers as well.

Luv
Ella

Dear Ella and Mamadog,

You guys sound great!  I'd love to get together and hang out with you!  I've eaten my people's pots and pans, colanders, decorative pebbles and neck wraps.  I've eaten lots of other stuff too, but that's the stuff my people say is weird.  I was the only dog in my obedience class who'd ever chewed on a colander; I think that makes me pretty special.

Love,
Smokey
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on July 13, 2014, 08:18:27 PM
Dear Ella

OK, you survived chewing up the kindle cable.  Did you have to go back and have another go at the kindle itself?  Seriously, missy, chewing on the kindle?  Thank Dog it still works, or I would definitely be a very cross aunty today...  And no, it wasn't on the bed, it was on the nightstand.  Is nothing safe??!

not so much love
Aunty Grumblebum...
Dear Ella,

Please forgive me for being a bit forward in writing to you.

I ate my food provider's eyeglasses. I think we might have things in common. Let's meet up!

Mamadog

Dear Mamadog

That could be fun!  I could bring Aunty Molly who also ate her mum's glasses.  And her shoes.  And her socks.  And a few bras and knickers as well.

Luv
Ella

Dear Ella and Mamadog,

You guys sound great!  I'd love to get together and hang out with you!  I've eaten my people's pots and pans, colanders, decorative pebbles and neck wraps.  I've eaten lots of other stuff too, but that's the stuff my people say is weird.  I was the only dog in my obedience class who'd ever chewed on a colander; I think that makes me pretty special.

Love,
Smokey

Dear Ella, Mamadog and Smokey,

I'd love to join you.  I once tried to chew up the tires on a semi-trailer.  The guy driving the semi wasn't very happy with me, even though he caught me before I did any damage.

Love,
Baxter
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bandu on July 13, 2014, 10:29:39 PM
Dear Ella

OK, you survived chewing up the kindle cable.  Did you have to go back and have another go at the kindle itself?  Seriously, missy, chewing on the kindle?  Thank Dog it still works, or I would definitely be a very cross aunty today...  And no, it wasn't on the bed, it was on the nightstand.  Is nothing safe??!

not so much love
Aunty Grumblebum...
Dear Ella,

Please forgive me for being a bit forward in writing to you.

I ate my food provider's eyeglasses. I think we might have things in common. Let's meet up!

Mamadog

Dear Mamadog

That could be fun!  I could bring Aunty Molly who also ate her mum's glasses.  And her shoes.  And her socks.  And a few bras and knickers as well.

Luv
Ella

Dear Ella and Mamadog,

You guys sound great!  I'd love to get together and hang out with you!  I've eaten my people's pots and pans, colanders, decorative pebbles and neck wraps.  I've eaten lots of other stuff too, but that's the stuff my people say is weird.  I was the only dog in my obedience class who'd ever chewed on a colander; I think that makes me pretty special.

Love,
Smokey

Dear Ella, Mamadog and Smokey,

I'd love to join you.  I once tried to chew up the tires on a semi-trailer.  The guy driving the semi wasn't very happy with me, even though he caught me before I did any damage.

Love,
Baxter

Dear Baxter,

You are our new King Dog! We grovel at the sheer scope of your ambition!

Most sincerely,
Mamadog and her compatriots, Boy, Girl and Squirt
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on July 13, 2014, 10:51:57 PM
Quote

Dear Ella, Mamadog and Smokey,

I'd love to join you.  I once tried to chew up the tires on a semi-trailer.  The guy driving the semi wasn't very happy with me, even though he caught me before I did any damage.

Love,
Baxter

Dear Baxter,

You are our new King Dog! We grovel at the sheer scope of your ambition!

Most sincerely,
Mamadog and her compatriots, Boy, Girl and Squirt
[/quote]

The Demons send their greetings and cheers. And now they want to try it.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on July 13, 2014, 11:04:34 PM
Quote

Dear Ella, Mamadog and Smokey,

I'd love to join you.  I once tried to chew up the tires on a semi-trailer.  The guy driving the semi wasn't very happy with me, even though he caught me before I did any damage.

Love,
Baxter

Dear Baxter,

You are our new King Dog! We grovel at the sheer scope of your ambition!

Most sincerely,
Mamadog and her compatriots, Boy, Girl and Squirt

The Demons send their greetings and cheers. And now they want to try it.
[/quote]

Dear Demon Twins, Mamadog and compatriots,

How to chew on semi-trailer tires:  Convince your human to either befriend or date a truck driver.  Then get your human to invite said truck driver to your house in his truck.  This works well if the truck driver friend has a pick up just a few miles away.  Once the truck is at the house, get your minion (in my case, the small jack russell mix, but a cat could work as well), to distract the humans.  Once the humans are distracted, meander slowly over to the truck.  Once you're there, growl, throw your front paws around one of the rear tires and do your best to get your teeth in them.  I messed up with the growl.  Make sure you do it soft enough that the humans don't notice.  My humans noticed and tole me "NO!", and I sheepishly backed away.  After that, they made sure to keep a close watch on me every time the truck driver came over, since I kept trying.  My human lives in a different place now, and her truck driver friend can't park his truck at her house anymore, but I dream of being able to try again!

Love,
Baxter

PS:  The human can't figure out how to fix the quote tree.  Sorry.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on July 14, 2014, 03:18:33 PM
Dear Valentine,

Blanche and Blizzard went back to the kennel this morning. Puppies are not trying to take over the house. Yes, they are cute. No, they aren't cuter than you. No need to give me the sad eyes; you aren't being replaced. Fetch this evening?

Love Mommy

Dear Hogan,

Dart is an old dog, not a chew toy! Please leave his ears alone. He might be old but he's already put you in the dirt once. He'll do it again if you don't quit.

Love Mommy

Dear Spencer,

Carry on! Watching 2 tiny puppies trail you like a duck with his chicks was hilarious and sweet. Good boy.

Love Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on July 14, 2014, 09:57:53 PM
Dear Rocky,

You know, the stairs are not such a great place for you to sleep.  You are such a big dog that most of the time you cover the entire tread.  I need to go up and down my stairs and not die, and since you refuse to remove your fat behind, you may find yourself unable to access the stairs in the near future.

Love,

The human whose bedroom is on the second floor.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on July 14, 2014, 10:06:48 PM
Dear Baxter,

I realize that people aren't supposed to be on the train tracks, and it upsets you when people don't follow the rules, but the train tracks aren't part of your property.  You don't need to defend them from stupid people.  You also don't need to lecture the people about how stupid they are.  Especially not at 2am.

Love,
The sleepy one.

(Instead of facing another row of houses, like most residential blocks, my house faces the trolley tracks. I can't figure out if Baxter thinks he's supposed to be protecting the land the tracks sit on or if he's lecturing people about the stupidity of walking along train tracks late at night.)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on July 14, 2014, 10:19:58 PM
Dear Baxter,

I realize that people aren't supposed to be on the train tracks, and it upsets you when people don't follow the rules, but the train tracks aren't part of your property.  You don't need to defend them from stupid people.  You also don't need to lecture the people about how stupid they are.  Especially not at 2am.

Love,
The sleepy one.

(Instead of facing another row of houses, like most residential blocks, my house faces the trolley tracks. I can't figure out if Baxter thinks he's supposed to be protecting the land the tracks sit on or if he's lecturing people about the stupidity of walking along train tracks late at night.)

The small copy of Dr. Zoidberg in my brain says, "Why not both?"
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on July 14, 2014, 11:44:09 PM
Dear Baxter,

I realize that people aren't supposed to be on the train tracks, and it upsets you when people don't follow the rules, but the train tracks aren't part of your property.  You don't need to defend them from stupid people.  You also don't need to lecture the people about how stupid they are.  Especially not at 2am.

Love,
The sleepy one.

(Instead of facing another row of houses, like most residential blocks, my house faces the trolley tracks. I can't figure out if Baxter thinks he's supposed to be protecting the land the tracks sit on or if he's lecturing people about the stupidity of walking along train tracks late at night.)

The small copy of Dr. Zoidberg in my brain says, "Why not both?"

Good point.  Actually, last night was kind of funny.  Baxter started his "Somebody is where they're not supposed to be" bark, so a friend and I got up to investigate.  We discovered a drunk guy walking along the tracks.  Baxter was still barking loudly.  My friend turned to him and said, in a tone you'd speak to a teenager "Yes, I realize he's not supposed to be there, but you can settle down now."  Baxter then let out his "I wanna bark but you said no and I'm not happy" half bark/half growl with a tone reminiscent of a whining teenager.  It's a barely audible vocalization.   It was hysterical.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on July 15, 2014, 12:02:28 AM
Dear Baxter,

I realize that people aren't supposed to be on the train tracks, and it upsets you when people don't follow the rules, but the train tracks aren't part of your property.  You don't need to defend them from stupid people.  You also don't need to lecture the people about how stupid they are.  Especially not at 2am.

Love,
The sleepy one.

(Instead of facing another row of houses, like most residential blocks, my house faces the trolley tracks. I can't figure out if Baxter thinks he's supposed to be protecting the land the tracks sit on or if he's lecturing people about the stupidity of walking along train tracks late at night.)

The small copy of Dr. Zoidberg in my brain says, "Why not both?"

Good point.  Actually, last night was kind of funny.  Baxter started his "Somebody is where they're not supposed to be" bark, so a friend and I got up to investigate.  We discovered a drunk guy walking along the tracks.  Baxter was still barking loudly.  My friend turned to him and said, in a tone you'd speak to a teenager "Yes, I realize he's not supposed to be there, but you can settle down now."  Baxter then let out his "I wanna bark but you said no and I'm not happy" half bark/half growl with a tone reminiscent of a whining teenager.  It's a barely audible vocalization.   It was hysterical.

My dog "woofs" softly for a few minutes after I shush him.  It reminds me of a teenager saying "but...but...but..."
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on July 15, 2014, 02:12:58 AM

My dog "woofs" softly for a few minutes after I shush him.  It reminds me of a teenager saying "but...but...but..."

The Demons are the same, especially Max. He has been known to turn down FOOD to stay on the bed by the window and do the guard-dogging thing. He's got this little whine he does when we've told him to shush, and it's exactly the dog equivalent of "but muuuuuuummmmm, there's something there!!!!!"

Sam, OTOH, can hear you thinking about opening a fridge, and long mastered the art of Canini-doo Fu, so that he's sitting on your foot with a quizzical look as he pokes his nose in the open door. You know, the look that says "so, what're we eating, and how much of it is mine?"
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on July 15, 2014, 08:44:38 AM
Dear Rocky,

You know, the stairs are not such a great place for you to sleep.  You are such a big dog that most of the time you cover the entire tread.  I need to go up and down my stairs and not die, and since you refuse to remove your fat behind, you may find yourself unable to access the stairs in the near future.

Love,

The human whose bedroom is on the second floor.

Dear Rocky,

Don't worry about it. My humans used to say the same thing to my older sister Rosie when she'd sleep on a tread. It never happened. Instead, they'd yell till she moved, or Winter would jump over her.

Skipper
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on July 17, 2014, 03:45:39 AM

Dear Demons:

A minor house maintenance issue.

Those plastic doorstops are, strangely enough, to jam under the bedroom door during the day when dad likes to sleep. This is to keep you out for a few hours so he can have said sleep without you doing your burrowing act. They are NOT edible. Plastic is not healthy to doggy digestion, and so you are not supposed to take it in turns to push the door open, steal the stop, and then chew it to death.

In your short life so far, you have gone through 18 of these things! The wooden ones I'm not so worried about, and the fact you haven't been ill is probably because you gnaw them apart and spit out the bits. I might add that this gives an added level to the dangers of going to the loo in the dark which I don't need.

Not everything at your head height can be eaten. I know you're rotties, and therefore almost as tough as a labradour in this regard, but please cease and desist. Or the next doorstop you taste will be covered in hot sauce, and I promise, you won't eat it!

Regards
The provider of (quite adequate) chewies.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: blue2000 on July 17, 2014, 05:03:43 AM

Dear Demons:

A minor house maintenance issue.

Those plastic doorstops are, strangely enough, to jam under the bedroom door during the day when dad likes to sleep. This is to keep you out for a few hours so he can have said sleep without you doing your burrowing act. They are NOT edible. Plastic is not healthy to doggy digestion, and so you are not supposed to take it in turns to push the door open, steal the stop, and then chew it to death.

In your short life so far, you have gone through 18 of these things! The wooden ones I'm not so worried about, and the fact you haven't been ill is probably because you gnaw them apart and spit out the bits. I might add that this gives an added level to the dangers of going to the loo in the dark which I don't need.

Not everything at your head height can be eaten. I know you're rotties, and therefore almost as tough as a labradour in this regard, but please cease and desist. Or the next doorstop you taste will be covered in hot sauce, and I promise, you won't eat it!

Regards
The provider of (quite adequate) chewies.


Hehe. You may be surprised.

A friend of mine tried using that Bitter Apple spray with one of her cats. She had to stop, because he loved the taste of it and would chew on anything she sprayed. :P
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on July 17, 2014, 07:45:58 AM

Dear Demons:

A minor house maintenance issue.

Those plastic doorstops are, strangely enough, to jam under the bedroom door during the day when dad likes to sleep. This is to keep you out for a few hours so he can have said sleep without you doing your burrowing act. They are NOT edible. Plastic is not healthy to doggy digestion, and so you are not supposed to take it in turns to push the door open, steal the stop, and then chew it to death.

In your short life so far, you have gone through 18 of these things! The wooden ones I'm not so worried about, and the fact you haven't been ill is probably because you gnaw them apart and spit out the bits. I might add that this gives an added level to the dangers of going to the loo in the dark which I don't need.

Not everything at your head height can be eaten. I know you're rotties, and therefore almost as tough as a labradour in this regard, but please cease and desist. Or the next doorstop you taste will be covered in hot sauce, and I promise, you won't eat it!

Regards
The provider of (quite adequate) chewies.
Fliss - are you quite sure that the Demons aren't a Rottie/goat mix?  Esh.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: GreenHall on July 17, 2014, 12:37:34 PM
Well, I guess it's good to know the chewing on all and sundry is standard behavior.  My sister's puppy (5 month Great Pyranees, he will be a pony when he's full grown) chews absolutely everything as far as I can tell.  He is slowly deconstructing the wave shaped plastic covered in carpet cat scratcher thing.  Only reason my mom isn't so upset about that one, is that it means at least one household pet is getting some use out of it (both cats ignore it).
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on July 17, 2014, 01:46:49 PM
Yeah, hot sauce won't do for some dogs. When Valentine was 6 months old, we moved into our present home. To keep her from digging up the newly planted lawn, we resorted to Tabasco and chili powders. Turns out little Val liked the taste and she dug only places when she could get at her peppery treasures. She even begs for pickled jalapeño when she sees us using them.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on July 17, 2014, 01:54:02 PM
Baxter chews on anything he can get his paws on.  He's really not picky.  Plastic chairs, sticks, rocks, walnuts, wooden steps, semi tires...if he can get to it, he'll chew it.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on July 21, 2014, 10:19:47 PM
Dear Jack -

Mommy will be home soon. I know daddy's lap isn't the same, but since you're clean he'll let you snuggle so take advantage. Be sweet and don't wake him up 5 times a night and you may even get treats. I'll see you soon

Love Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on July 21, 2014, 10:34:37 PM
Dear Baxter and Lucy,

You are the most wonderful dogs ever and I hope you will be happy at coach's house. I'm sorry I had to give you away, but we're friends with Coach and will come visit regularly.  It's been 24 hours and I still can't stop crying, but you deserve to have humans who are home more often and can play with you and walk you when you need it.    Hopefully things will get better and I can take you back soon. 

Love always and no matter what,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jedikaiti on July 22, 2014, 01:57:30 AM

Dear Demons:

A minor house maintenance issue.

Those plastic doorstops are, strangely enough, to jam under the bedroom door during the day when dad likes to sleep. This is to keep you out for a few hours so he can have said sleep without you doing your burrowing act. They are NOT edible. Plastic is not healthy to doggy digestion, and so you are not supposed to take it in turns to push the door open, steal the stop, and then chew it to death.

In your short life so far, you have gone through 18 of these things! The wooden ones I'm not so worried about, and the fact you haven't been ill is probably because you gnaw them apart and spit out the bits. I might add that this gives an added level to the dangers of going to the loo in the dark which I don't need.

Not everything at your head height can be eaten. I know you're rotties, and therefore almost as tough as a labradour in this regard, but please cease and desist. Or the next doorstop you taste will be covered in hot sauce, and I promise, you won't eat it!

Regards
The provider of (quite adequate) chewies.


Hehe. You may be surprised.

A friend of mine tried using that Bitter Apple spray with one of her cats. She had to stop, because he loved the taste of it and would chew on anything she sprayed. :P

Yea, Pilsner (Pyrenees/Golden mix) once counter-surfed a jalapeno, and Castor & Pollux (cats) once got to taste my kung pao chicken as an attempt to deter them from sticking their heads in my take-out - and they wouldn't quit eating it. Koonah (American Eskimo) used to like radishes.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on July 22, 2014, 05:27:28 AM
Dear Baxter and Lucy,

You are the most wonderful dogs ever and I hope you will be happy at coach's house. I'm sorry I had to give you away, but we're friends with Coach and will come visit regularly.  It's been 24 hours and I still can't stop crying, but you deserve to have humans who are home more often and can play with you and walk you when you need it.    Hopefully things will get better and I can take you back soon. 

Love always and no matter what,
Mommy

((Hugs)).  Even when it's the right decision, it's still hard.  I'm sure your puppies will be glad to see you whenever they can!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 22, 2014, 09:32:44 AM

Dear Baxter and Lucy,

You are the most wonderful dogs ever and I hope you will be happy at coach's house. I'm sorry I had to give you away, but we're friends with Coach and will come visit regularly.  It's been 24 hours and I still can't stop crying, but you deserve to have humans who are home more often and can play with you and walk you when you need it.    Hopefully things will get better and I can take you back soon. 

Love always and no matter what,
Mommy


Aw, man. I'm sorry.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on July 22, 2014, 10:58:07 AM
Dear Baxter and Lucy,

You are the most wonderful dogs ever and I hope you will be happy at coach's house. I'm sorry I had to give you away, but we're friends with Coach and will come visit regularly.  It's been 24 hours and I still can't stop crying, but you deserve to have humans who are home more often and can play with you and walk you when you need it.    Hopefully things will get better and I can take you back soon. 

Love always and no matter what,
Mommy

*hugs*
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 22, 2014, 11:06:51 AM
I hope Baxter drives over to see you often!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mmswm on July 22, 2014, 04:00:43 PM
I hope Baxter drives over to see you often!

Don't think he won't try!  He's settling in well.  We visited this afternoon.  He's such a door ball.  Coach's house is walking distance, so I think the boys might be over there as frequently as Coach and his wife will let them.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on July 24, 2014, 07:03:58 PM
Dear Dogs,
At his point, all *3* of you have stolen the soap off of the bathroom vanity to chew on it. Seriously? It's *soap*. It's not edible. (It's Crabtree and Evelyn's Honey and Coriander soap, for the record.)

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on July 24, 2014, 07:15:14 PM
Dear Dogs,
At his point, all *3* of you have stolen the soap off of the bathroom vanity to chew on it. Seriously? It's *soap*. It's not edible. (It's Crabtree and Evelyn's Honey and Coriander soap, for the record.)

Mommy

Dear Dr. F,

This is why our human only buys liquid soaps now.

Love,
The greencat menagerie
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jedikaiti on July 24, 2014, 10:51:35 PM
Dear Pilsner:

The bag of balloons was bad enough, but a nitrile glove now? Why???

Love,
She who buys you treats
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on July 25, 2014, 09:21:49 AM
Dear Gemini,

While it's sad to you leave us, you are no longer a foster puppy. You've been adopted and are off to a great new life. Good luck, little one.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on September 23, 2014, 06:22:39 PM
Dear Pelon,

I never thought I'd say this, but thank you very much for woofing. It seems that if an automated phone tree doesn't understand what you say 3 times in a row (or, say, your dog is woofing), it transfers to an actual person! Since that's what I wanted, it worked out well for everyone.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on September 23, 2014, 10:57:32 PM
Dear Pack

Firstly, I don't know who pooped on the bathmat and the loungeroom rug, but whoever it was, don't do it again.  Secondly, please don't chase the cats, even if they do ask for it sometimes.

Molly - please don't be such a clingy little cranky-pants.  I'm back now, I'm not going anywhere, and Zoe* is only here for another week or so.  And please, please, please let me finish cutting your hair - that 'fat hairy leg' thing is not a good look for you, hun.

Suzi - good girl!  I missed you too, little wifey**.

Ella - not much to say here, you've been fairly good, but by golly, please refrain from the 'bull at a gate' impersonations.  You nearly knock me flying every time I come home!

Zoe - good girl!  I know you've been missing your Mummy and Daddy, but you've been so well behaved!  I'm glad you're standing up for yourself against the bigger doggies.  Please don't learn too many more bad habits from them.

Love

The bed warmer, tummy rubber and food distribution service.

*Been overseas for six weeks, Zoe belongs to the house sitters and is staying with us while they go for a longer jaunt around the state on their own.  She's a tiny little Maltese terrier and is just lovely.

**wifey, because I wake up with her cuddling up to me every morning, head on my pillow.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 23, 2014, 11:18:04 PM
Dear Banshee and Colossus,

You are the best office mates, really.  You don't bother me with mundane small talk or questions that could easily be answered by reading the e-mails we were sent.  You don't judge me because I'm haven't changed out of my pajamas and my lunch is never commented on (you know better than to beg!).  I can tend to you absentmindedly while I finish examining that PDF without you thinking I'm rude because I'm not giving you my full attention even though you've interrupted my work.

However.

However, the next one of you that nudges my elbow for pets while I am trying to save something and make me click the wrong, non-saving but closing, option, is not getting an ice cookie the next time I open the freezer!  How's that for a punishment?!

Love,
The Singer of "Come My Minions!"
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on September 24, 2014, 09:31:10 AM
Dear Sadie-girl
Yes, I know that you HATES the "Cone of ShameTM " However, you are gnawing your back thigh raw and it needs to stop.  And I need to be able to put the salve on it so it doesn't get infected. 
And, no, we don't think it is clever that you have figured out how to roll the current Cone of Shame* down when you are in the back yard.  Stop that. 

For the record, sad eyes at me while you are wearing it won't help.

Love
The momma

*This particular Cone of Shame has soft padding called a Comfy Cone so it is easier to sleep with it on and doesn't cause quite as much havoc as a hard plastic cone.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on September 24, 2014, 10:26:08 AM
Dear Grover,

I know you can be potty trained. I also know you are the littlest and only unfixed boy dog in the house. I know it was you and while pooping in Daddy's Doc Martin was hilarious (to me anyway), I had to take you outside. No more pooping in people's shoes please.

We have to convince people to adopt you and as cute as you are with the oversized paws and head, no one likes a poopy puppy.

The bringer of treats
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MinAvi on September 24, 2014, 06:26:17 PM
Dear Mika,

You are such a clever little Labrador. You were so good at puppy pre-school and you played so nice with all the other puppies, even those smaller than you. I am so glad you had a good time.

However, sitting, coming, and laying down are to be done on command all the time. Not just the times you know I have treats*. I specifically requested a dumb lab, and you are just to clever for your own good. You give the best snuggles though.

Love,

The giver of smooches and smacko's

* The little devil will obey pretty much any command if you have treats, but she knows if you are all out and will just wander off to do her own thing. Sigh. How can you stay mad at this face...

(http://i1158.photobucket.com/albums/p611/avimin1984/Mika8weeks.jpg) (http://s1158.photobucket.com/user/avimin1984/media/Mika8weeks.jpg.html)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on September 24, 2014, 06:40:14 PM
You are in trouble! That is a cute puppy!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MinAvi on September 24, 2014, 06:57:41 PM
And she knows it too! She already had DH wrapped around her little paw, and I am about half way there...
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on September 24, 2014, 08:03:48 PM
How do you pronounce her name? I had a black cat named Mika and we pronounced it Meek-ah
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MinAvi on September 24, 2014, 10:39:17 PM
Exactly like that. Mee-kha.


Otherwise known as tubby-butt and Oi! You!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Phoebelion on September 25, 2014, 08:23:23 AM
Dumb Lab?  Didn't know there was such an animal.

BTW - never put chicken on the bottom shelf of the fridge.

And hide the ball when you're done playing.

Don't bother with bird feeders - Labs eat suet.

You'll never see another squirrel in you yard.  Rabbits are a different matter.

Get a zoom groom for the Mika bunnies.  They are great.

Skipper's Mom



Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MinAvi on September 25, 2014, 06:05:43 PM
Our chocolate Lab Bailie who is 7 isn't that bright. Love her to bits, but we call her the smartest dumb dog we know. Example: She can open the sliding door, but walks into it at least 3 times before she realizes it is closed.

We live in the tropics of Australia so no squirrels. We do have wallabies, cane toads and about a gazillion lizards. All of which are fair game according to all my dogs. They cant catch the wallabies or lizards (who I am sure tease them on purpose) but the cane toads (toxic) can be a bit dangerous so we discourage chasing those.

That has not stopped Miss Mika bringing in a dried out, dessicated toad to use as a chew toy... Blegh!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Phoebelion on September 26, 2014, 10:45:27 AM
Toad - eweeeee.

Skipper was given dead frozen squirrels to play with in his former life.  Maybe that's why he obsessed with live ones.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 26, 2014, 12:06:16 PM
Dear Colossus,

Next time you're out of water, come tell me like you always do (standing right next to me and staring at me expectantly until I stand up and follow you to see what you want); please don't let me hear the toilet seat and lid clinking against the toilet only to walk in there to see that you have lifted both with your nose and now have your entire head in the toilet (it nearly fills the whole bowl!).  Now you need a bath because your mane soaked up toilet water.  Good job, buddy.

Love,
The Singer of "Kennel Time"
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jedikaiti on October 01, 2014, 10:34:59 AM
Dear Delilah,

Please stay in your own yard. I know you like to explore, and our yard currently looks like a mini-jungle, but I'm kinda tired of having to wake DH out of a dead sleep to get you back over the fence.

Thanks
The meanie who's going to be replacing that fence next year.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on October 01, 2014, 01:48:53 PM
Dear Grover,

Ok, I was wrong. The nice lady who adopted you on Saturday said a few days in diapers and you were a house trained pup! Who knew! We miss you but we love knowing how happy you are. Good boy, Grover!

Dear Uno,

I wish we had more room. You are going to be the hardest dog we've ever given up. 13 pounds of sass, attitude and sweetness. We picked out a nice forever home for you. Lots of cute girl dogs to play with and a big yard. Your forever human is pretty amazing too. Tonight, we'll go for a walk and play a lot of fetch. Good luck, my little friend.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on October 02, 2014, 04:46:12 PM
Dear Pelon,

Kindly stop pulling the lettuces I just transplanted out of their pot to eat them. You know that normal dogs don't crave romaine, right? Plus, your sister has taken to eating the potting soil, which really can't be good for her.

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfmama on October 02, 2014, 06:24:16 PM
Dear Valkyrie

We know you've never been left with  Grandma & Grandpa before.  But howling and wailing the Song of your People will not bring Daddy and the rest of your family back tonight nor keep them from getting on the plane tomorrow. Please stop.  The neighbors will think we have a werewolf over here!

Love, Grandma
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on October 02, 2014, 07:37:14 PM
Dear Valkyrie

We know you've never been left with  Grandma & Grandpa before.  But howling and wailing the Song of your People will not bring Daddy and the rest of your family back tonight nor keep them from getting on the plane tomorrow. Please stop.  The neighbors will think we have a werewolf over here!

Love, Grandma

Dear Valkyrie,

It's okay.  The people always come back, and they usually have awesome smells when they do!  Besides, other people sometimes spoil you rotten because they don't know the rules.  I got to get on all the beds AND the couches last time my people went somewhere!

Love,

Smokey
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on October 02, 2014, 07:54:34 PM
Dear Jack Jack

You cannot poop and chase rabbits at the same time. I know you try to, but the result is not good for you and makes mommy laugh till she cries. Plus the rabbits are bigger than you so I'm not sure what you think is going to happen if you do catch one

Also - you do NOT need to pee 5 times a night when daddy is gone. I'd like to get some sleep please

Love you,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on October 02, 2014, 10:59:28 PM
Dear Valkyrie

We know you've never been left with  Grandma & Grandpa before.  But howling and wailing the Song of your People will not bring Daddy and the rest of your family back tonight nor keep them from getting on the plane tomorrow. Please stop.  The neighbors will think we have a werewolf over here!

Love, Grandma

Dear Valkyrie,

It's okay.  The people always come back, and they usually have awesome smells when they do!  Besides, other people sometimes spoil you rotten because they don't know the rules.  I got to get on all the beds AND the couches last time my people went somewhere!

Love,

Smokey

Dear Valkyrie

Smokey is so right!  My mum and dad have been away for nearly two weeks, and in that time I've gotten used to sleeping on the bed with Auntie, giving and getting doggy kisses, beating up my new buddies, running around the yard like a maniac and stealing the new friends' food too.  It is puppy paradise!

Auntie says Mum and Dad will be back tomorrow.  I can't wait!  But I'm gonna miss my new bad habits. 

Love
Zoe the Maltese Terror Terrier
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfmama on October 03, 2014, 07:17:48 PM
I haven't been feeling well the last few days.   Valkyrie has made it her mission to Make Me Feel Better.  This consists of alternating giving kisses and bringing me her chew toys.  Clearly, playing tug with a brand-new rope bone will cure me!  ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on October 03, 2014, 08:17:40 PM
Aww that's so sweet! 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on October 03, 2014, 09:30:37 PM
Well of course - it's in all the new medical journals!!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on October 04, 2014, 09:54:24 AM
Doggie kisses are the new Vitamin C!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on October 05, 2014, 12:17:57 AM

After what's happened in my life recently, I can attest that yes, doggy kisses are indeed able to cure everything.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on October 05, 2014, 12:36:51 AM
I do not allow the dogs to kiss me, but only because a doctor advised me that it may be what triggers an infection on my skin.

However, doggie cuddles are a great substitute.  Skeletor, Border-Collie/Rottweiler mix, is still the smartest dog I have ever met.  He accidentally hurt me once (his tooth caught my scalp which, naturally, bled like no other); the moment he knew I was hurt he climbed in my lap, all 75lbs of him, and pouted like I would yell at him for chewing a shoe.  Any time I started to cry, he was in my lap like a cat, and let me squeeze him and bawl my eyes out without him squirming away.

Dear Skeletor,

I cannot even begin to thank you for your silent companionship.  You were my rock.

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: jedikaiti on October 08, 2014, 01:26:37 PM
Dear Jack Jack

You cannot poop and chase rabbits at the same time. I know you try to, but the result is not good for you and makes mommy laugh till she cries. Plus the rabbits are bigger than you so I'm not sure what you think is going to happen if you do catch one

Also - you do NOT need to pee 5 times a night when daddy is gone. I'd like to get some sleep please

Love you,
Mommy

Any chance of video of this? I'm trying to figure the logistics, and it's making me giggle.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Cyradis on October 08, 2014, 03:58:37 PM
Dear Kira,

Must you go from sleeping to singing the song of your people just as your human is sipping a cup of hot coffee?

Still much love,
Human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on October 31, 2014, 03:06:00 AM
Sam, can we just go over a few of the laws of physics?

1) You are not able to bi-locate. This means you cannot be on the bed at dusk for your nightly ritual of looking out the window before we close the blinds for the evening AND also be snoozing on the spare lounge . Running between the two and jumping on them and barking in frustration will not help. It WILL annoy the Humans, who will ban you from both until you calm down.

2) You have 4 feet. To run on lino, you need to slow down a little, or you do the 'puppy rhumba' and look like a spider trying to rollerskate. While I find this highly amusing, it means you spend a great deal of energy to move only a few metres. It also means you have zero chance of catching that cat the chickens are making a fuss about, because it takes you too long to charge out the back door.

3) You are a dog. That means, you have free range through the house, may sleep or snooze as you wish, and are expected to guard. You are paid for this service in treats, pats, long walks, adoration by your family and the public (no really, these guys almost have their own fan-club with the local Zumba group!), and large chewies and pigs ears. You do not have to stay up when your Human can't sleep. Should you do so, please cease and desist the grumbling every 10 minutes after midnight because you think it's past sleepy time. When the Human finally goes to bed, it is very impolite to growl every time they move because you want them to stay put.

And 4) I love that you love watching tv documentaries. Especially animal docos like the cassowary one from the other day. The look on your face when you saw the size of them was priceless, as was your "I want to play!" attempts to engage with the chicks. I'm going to youtube it one day.

Your provider of delicious chewies
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on November 24, 2014, 08:11:29 PM
Dear Suzi

You poor baby!  I know I'm a big ol' meanie for taking you to the Doctor yesterday, but that torn dew claw was really sore, wasn't it?  She gave you a nice nap and you woke up and it was all gone, and that big yellow 'No Chew!' bandage on your foot.  And The Cone of Shame around your neck.  Yeah, it's not much fun, is it?  Poor pup! 

You're being such a good kid though, not chewing the bandage even when the CoS is off, that I just want to pick you up and cuddle you silly. 

So please don't get offended when I see you trying to walk with that bandaged paw (slipping, limping, half jumping, poor thing!) and have to stifle a giggle, OK baby?

Love and hugs and kisses
Mum xxx

Dear Ella

You are not a horse.  It is amusing to watch you grazing the grass next to the pony, but stealing his apples and carrots and taking them back into the house is really not nice.  Nor is stepping on a wet, soggy half chewed apple in bare feet...

Also, please forgive him for occasionally playing with your toys.  You did leave them where he could get them, after all.

Love
Auntie Julian xx

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Idlewildstudios on November 24, 2014, 11:39:05 PM
Dear dog,

You have known me your whole life.  I let you outside just seconds before.  I consider it to be in poor form for you to proceed to growl and bark at me in the kitchen as you stand outside the patio door. Did those 3 seconds of freedom erase my image from your memory?

It also drives me insane when you frantically circle to go out and yet the moment you sprint through that door you stand confused in the driveway, staring around in befuddlement with no clue as to why you are suddenly outside.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on December 06, 2014, 09:29:03 PM
Dear Lucas,

Could you dog my steps a little less literally? You keep stepping on the backs of my shoes.

The Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on December 10, 2014, 08:07:26 AM
Dear Sadie-girl
I am so sorry, sweet old girl. 
I took you out as soon as I we got home from our meeting last night (she had been out before her supper, so it would have been normal time for her pre-bed outing)  While we were out, DH found that you had quite the accident on your bed.  Which thankfully was easy to pick up and take care of the offending ick.  But I am still trying to decide how to clean it.  You may be getting a new dog bed from Santa Paws.
Since you were also having a varient of ick while doing your thing when DH found your bed, I think for the next few days you are restricted to your rice and yogurt diet for a while. 

Love and snuggles
The feeder person.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on December 10, 2014, 09:51:24 AM
Dear Spencer,

Good boy! Mommy overslept and almost missed an important call! You woke me up just in time. Thank you, big fella. We'll play fetch tonight.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on December 11, 2014, 08:02:09 AM
Dear Sadie-girl
Considering the issues you had from the last post and your current diet of rice and yogurt to make sure your tummy is getting back to normal, no begging while I am fixing my lunch.  I am not fond of it when you are healthy but when I am not sure what caused your tummy issues...no. 
Plus, I was cutting up fresh fennel for my salad.  You - as you found when I let you sniff it - do not like fennel.
Though it was amusing having you do the whole Tigger routine of "Oh my favorite.  I just love fennel." and then after smelling and licking it "Ew yuck, Tiggers/Sadie don't like fennel."

Slightly amused
Momma
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on December 11, 2014, 12:15:23 PM
Dear Rocky,

Please add the trash truck back to the list of things you don't bark at.

Love,

The tired kibble dispenser.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on January 16, 2015, 12:30:02 PM
Dear Honey Girl;

I'm sorry your tummy is upset, but I was pleased to see you go to the puppy pad to vomit.  You are the bestest little doggy EVAH!! 

Really, how would one go about even asking a dog to do this?  She also pees on half of a puppy pad at a time so she can use it twice.  I think because we praised her for doing so once and she *aims* to please.

It doesn't hurt that everyone looks at her and says, "What a cute dog!"  She is adorable, from the inside out. :-*

We love our little rescue dog (& cat).  If you think money can't buy love, just go to your nearest rescue.  Your love will be repaid 10X over.

Honey Girl's Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: readingchick on January 16, 2015, 07:25:16 PM
Dear Eddie,

For the love of all that's holy why do you persist in rolling your kibble ball someplace where you can't easily get it out? I'm getting tired of retrieving it for you.

Love,

the kibble ball guru
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on January 17, 2015, 10:11:11 AM
Bailey and Jack -

I am not dealing with y'all's squabbling today. Figure it out and deal with eachother.  Bailey - you're 50 pounds heavier than Jack, you can't pounce on him.   Jack, Bailey was 2 feet away from you when you thought she was going to pounce, get over it

You're bothe about to land outside for the day.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mlmama on January 19, 2015, 07:25:09 PM
Dear Cujo,

I know you gave birth 2 days ago, your babies are adorable, BUT that does not give you free reign to potty in the house. You can go outside for the 2 minutes it takes. Please note, if you keep going potty in the house, you will keep getting in trouble.

Love,
Your thankful for tile floors mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on January 19, 2015, 11:07:25 PM
Dear Rocky,
I am glad that you have reclaimed your new dog bed from the kittens.  I am a bit ashamed that you whined at me about it for almost a week before you decided to brave the little fluffy terrors.  I don't know why you are so scared of small kittens.  You weight 80 pounds.  If the kittens and their mama weigh ten pounds put together and soaking wet, I'd be surprised.
Love,
The human who was quite sure that you were with the dogs at the shelter, not the chickens.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Softly Spoken on January 20, 2015, 04:40:07 PM
Dear Rocky,
I am glad that you have reclaimed your new dog bed from the kittens.  I am a bit ashamed that you whined at me about it for almost a week before you decided to brave the little fluffy terrors.  I don't know why you are so scared of small kittens.  You weight 80 pounds.  If the kittens and their mama weigh ten pounds put together and soaking wet, I'd be surprised.
Love,
The human who was quite sure that you were with the dogs at the shelter, not the chickens.

Rocky - Don't worry, you are not alone and it's a completely normal reaction (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpK4VrspRoQ).

Greencat and Rocky (and Kitty) - Congrats on the kittens! ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Softly Spoken on January 20, 2015, 04:45:11 PM
Dear Buttons -

The mail coming through the slot is not a dangerous invasion force that must be routed.
If you only shredded junk and left the bills alone, I wouldn't have to put up the fence.
I promise you - the mail person is not staging a coup d'é·tat on our "pack den." For the love of pete relax!

- Your loving but exasperated mom.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MMHou on January 20, 2015, 04:58:04 PM
Dear Maddie,

I know you love the fishy-tasting oil the vet told me to start putting on your food, but you really don't need to come lick my face right after you eat to show me your appreciation. Honestly, the tail wagging is enough.

Love,
The dispenser of love and kibble
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on January 21, 2015, 08:19:47 AM
Ugh! Fish breath! Valentine does it to me too!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfmama on January 21, 2015, 07:19:09 PM
Dear Rocky,
I am glad that you have reclaimed your new dog bed from the kittens.  I am a bit ashamed that you whined at me about it for almost a week before you decided to brave the little fluffy terrors.  I don't know why you are so scared of small kittens.  You weight 80 pounds.  If the kittens and their mama weigh ten pounds put together and soaking wet, I'd be surprised.
Love,
The human who was quite sure that you were with the dogs at the shelter, not the chickens.
Dear human,

Because mama catses have very sharp claws. 

Love, Rocky
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: sylviatexas on January 21, 2015, 09:18:36 PM
Dear Bella:

That wasn't me who tooted;
that was you.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on January 23, 2015, 09:25:48 AM
Dear Sadie-girl -
You are a very good dog.
I know that you really didn't WANT to bark when I told you that I was resting with a bad headache.   And the destressed whining did get my attention.
What a good girl you are to let me know that Maggie the Corgi (backyard neighbor's) was loose in our front yard. 
Bacon treat for you.
- the mama

Dear Maggie -
I get it why you wouldn't come to me even though I had a nom (and a leash in my other hand).  You knew to go to the front of your house.  You just needed me to come ring the doorbell so your boy could let you in properly.    Pretty sure you were only outside for 5-10 minutes. You and Maeve usually spend almost an hour out there if the weather is even semi-decent. (which it was) Goof.
- Sadie's mama

Dear Maeve (Maggie's non-corgi sister) -
Thank you for not following your sister from the back yard.  But your whining was actually not assisting that much.
- Sadie's mama


* The neighbor's have the dogs trained with the invisible fence.  Apparently moles have chewed through part of it.  Maeve is a good dog and sticking with the plan.  Maggie apartently likes to push her luck.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Ms_Cellany on January 23, 2015, 04:46:53 PM
Dear Cujo,

I know you gave birth 2 days ago, your babies are adorable, BUT that does not give you free reign to potty in the house. You can go outside for the 2 minutes it takes. Please note, if you keep going potty in the house, you will keep getting in trouble.

Love,
Your thankful for tile floors mama

And where are the photos?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mlmama on January 24, 2015, 12:57:50 AM
Now in the Cuteliness folder!  ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on January 25, 2015, 04:02:01 AM

Dear Demons:

I'm so glad you enjoyed your walk to the shops the other day. Considering how long it's been since I tool you walkies, you were beautifully well behaved. You trotted nicely, resisted the temptation to bark at other dogs as we passed them, and didn't even try to chase the ducks at the lake. For which my shoulders are grateful.

In fact, you were so well behaved that when I came out of the shops, I found a small crowd of adoring fans giving you pats and praise. Which is very good considering you're rotties and most people are nervous around them. Obviously you give off the right "vibe".

It was quite a walk though, and especially the bit about coming back up-hill with 6lts of orange juice in my backpack. It does mean my legs feel like they're about to fall off, while you've had a long snooze and want another stroll. We'll go again tomorrow, I promise. Only not so far and without the shopping, 'K?

Good boys!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Black Delphinium on January 25, 2015, 09:42:46 AM

Dear Demons:

I'm so glad you enjoyed your walk to the shops the other day. Considering how long it's been since I tool you walkies, you were beautifully well behaved. You trotted nicely, resisted the temptation to bark at other dogs as we passed them, and didn't even try to chase the ducks at the lake. For which my shoulders are grateful.

In fact, you were so well behaved that when I came out of the shops, I found a small crowd of adoring fans giving you pats and praise. Which is very good considering you're rotties and most people are nervous around them. Obviously you give off the right "vibe".

It was quite a walk though, and especially the bit about coming back up-hill with 6lts of orange juice in my backpack. It does mean my legs feel like they're about to fall off, while you've had a long snooze and want another stroll. We'll go again tomorrow, I promise. Only not so far and without the shopping, 'K?

Good boys!
Sounds like the Demons could use some saddlebags to help you out.  ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gramma dishes on January 25, 2015, 10:19:19 AM

Dear Demons:

I'm so glad you enjoyed your walk to the shops the other day. Considering how long it's been since I tool you walkies, you were beautifully well behaved. You trotted nicely, resisted the temptation to bark at other dogs as we passed them, and didn't even try to chase the ducks at the lake. For which my shoulders are grateful.

In fact, you were so well behaved that when I came out of the shops, I found a small crowd of adoring fans giving you pats and praise. Which is very good considering you're rotties and most people are nervous around them. Obviously you give off the right "vibe".

It was quite a walk though, and especially the bit about coming back up-hill with 6lts of orange juice in my backpack. It does mean my legs feel like they're about to fall off, while you've had a long snooze and want another stroll. We'll go again tomorrow, I promise. Only not so far and without the shopping, 'K?

Good boys!
Sounds like the Demons could use some saddlebags to help you out.  ;D

Or a little wagon you can hitch them to.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on January 26, 2015, 08:13:53 AM
Demons -
It isn't like Rotties didn't use to pull carts for farmers and merchants back in the day.
(http://img.ehowcdn.com/615x200/ds-photo/getty/article/251/221/86539236_XS.jpg)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mlmama on January 26, 2015, 07:44:07 PM
Dear adorable little puppies,

It's great that you are nursing so well! When you feel the need to tell the whole house about it at 3am and set off the other dogs, it's not so great. There is no need to whine, whimper, and yip WHILE you are nursing. It just makes Kira go crazy trying to see you. There is enough for everyone, calm down.

Love,
Your human grandmama that needs sleep.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on January 31, 2015, 01:46:06 AM
Demons -
It isn't like Rotties didn't use to pull carts for farmers and merchants back in the day.

True, but it's actually illegal to hitch a dog to a cart here in outer woop-woop. The local Bernese community has to be careful when getting their dogs ready for the parades, and sledding trainers are annoyed.

I have considered training the boys to carry stuff, if only to slow them down a little. And to make the little buggers start earning their keep!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Softly Spoken on January 31, 2015, 09:45:09 PM
Demons -
It isn't like Rotties didn't use to pull carts for farmers and merchants back in the day.

True, but it's actually illegal to hitch a dog to a cart here in outer woop-woop. The local Bernese community has to be careful when getting their dogs ready for the parades, and sledding trainers are annoyed.

I have considered training the boys to carry stuff, if only to slow them down a little. And to make the little buggers start earning their keep!
Ahem. (http://www.amazon.com/Best-Sellers-Pet-Supplies-Dog-Backpacks/zgbs/pet-supplies/2975314011)  ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Phoebelion on February 01, 2015, 06:30:11 AM
The daycare I use for Skipper slows down the dogs when they get over excited by putting back packs on them with water bottles in them.  Think it's a great idea. 

And yep, pictures show Skipper (75 pound Lab mix) with the back pack on.  They tell me it only took one time, and now he minds them when they tell him to settle.  So glad I taught him that word.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on February 01, 2015, 08:17:03 PM
Bailey Boo I know the cone of shame is annoying, but you will not stop licking your owie so it has to satay on. Sorry

Jack, quit trying to lick Bailye's cine, leave her alone
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: rain on February 22, 2015, 11:55:16 AM
Dear Koda


you are NOT a cat, please leave the catnip toys alone, you have plenty of your own toys




Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on February 22, 2015, 08:34:56 PM
Capt'n Jack

You have to take your allergy medicine. I know you don't like it but when you walk around sounding like a cat  hacking up a fur ball all day, it's gross and not good for you. You did it so much yesterday while I was gone and then fought me about your meds that you wound up hurting your ribs and now are wandering around whimpering and fussing

I love you, but you need to listen amd be sweet.

Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mlmama on February 25, 2015, 07:02:42 PM
Dear Cujo,

Stop teasing the puppies. Sitting on the other side of the doggie gates staring at them is not cool. They whine because they can see you, but can't get to you. I need to sleep so I can work and continue to pay for your food and shelter. You like being warm, don't you? Daddy may let them whine, but I'm going to pick you up and put you in there with them so I can rest. I know you're getting tired of their teeth, but I'm tired of being tired!

Love,
Your sleepy human Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on March 04, 2015, 07:58:53 PM
Dear Dogs (and Cats)

I bought that lovely soft new bathmat for me, not you.  So when I get out of the shower, dripping wet, and there's not even enough room left to get a toe on the mat, don't complain when I drip all over you.

Love

Chief feeder and waterbowl filler.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MinAvi on March 05, 2015, 05:07:59 PM
Dear Mika,

You are no longer a little 1.5 kg puppy. You are a 25 kg full grown Labrador. It is very cute how you climb up on the couch for a cuddle, I love that. Seriously though, what is it with trying to sleep on top of me? I wake up in the middle of the night because I cant breathe only to find you spread out over me like a hot heavy blanket.

Knock it off.

Oh, and the new pooping inside thing? Yeah, not going to make you popular. Knock that of too before you loose inside privilege and get to spend all your time in the dog run.

Love,

The sleep deprived one.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on March 05, 2015, 06:29:18 PM
Dear Mika,

You are no longer a little 1.5 kg puppy. You are a 25 kg full grown Labrador. It is very cute how you climb up on the couch for a cuddle, I love that. Seriously though, what is it with trying to sleep on top of me? I wake up in the middle of the night because I cant breathe only to find you spread out over me like a hot heavy blanket.

Knock it off.

Oh, and the new pooping inside thing? Yeah, not going to make you popular. Knock that of too before you loose inside privilege and get to spend all your time in the dog run.

Love,

The sleep deprived one.

Dear Mika,

My mommy says that I'm like having another full-grown human on the bed - I am a pudgy doggy so I weigh 36kg.  Mommy also says that between the lack of space and the farting and the snoring and the dog smell, and something called "owl-er-gees" I am not allowed to sleep on the bed anymore. I sleep on the stairs instead so I can trip anyone trying to get to my mommy.  Sometimes I sleep on my dog bed when mommy is downstairs or not home.

Love,
Rocky the labrador/obstacle
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on March 05, 2015, 07:36:35 PM
Dear Mika,

You are no longer a little 1.5 kg puppy. You are a 25 kg full grown Labrador. It is very cute how you climb up on the couch for a cuddle, I love that. Seriously though, what is it with trying to sleep on top of me? I wake up in the middle of the night because I cant breathe only to find you spread out over me like a hot heavy blanket.

Knock it off.

Oh, and the new pooping inside thing? Yeah, not going to make you popular. Knock that of too before you loose inside privilege and get to spend all your time in the dog run.

Love,

The sleep deprived one.

Dear Mika,

My mommy says that I'm like having another full-grown human on the bed - I am a pudgy doggy so I weigh 36kg.  Mommy also says that between the lack of space and the farting and the snoring and the dog smell, and something called "owl-er-gees" I am not allowed to sleep on the bed anymore. I sleep on the stairs instead so I can trip anyone trying to get to my mommy.  Sometimes I sleep on my dog bed when mommy is downstairs or not home.

Love,
Rocky the labrador/obstacle

Dear Mika and Rocky,

My people tell me they made a mistake by letting me up on the bed.  I'm pretty sure it's my bed now, not theirs (although I let them sleep on it sometimes, to be nice).  My favorite thing to do is curl up in a nice small space to start, then slowly push and shove against my people's legs so they move, and eventually take over most of the bed!  I'm 73 lbs, so it doesn't take too long once I really start trying.  I also like to lay right on top of my mom's legs and arms and then complain when she tries to move.   It's fun!

Love,
Smokey
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MinAvi on March 05, 2015, 07:49:49 PM
I think I am a soft touch. I have 2 Labradors, a silky terrorist, a cat and a husband sharing my bed. They sometimes allow me the use of half a pillow and a corner of a sheet.

Good thing it is a King size!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on March 05, 2015, 08:01:26 PM
I think I am a soft touch. I have 2 Labradors, a silky terrorist, a cat and a husband sharing my bed. They sometimes allow me the use of half a pillow and a corner of a sheet.

Good thing it is a King size!

I've got a twin size right now.  The cats alone take up most of the space and leave me in positions that humans aren't supposed to be in at all, much less try to sleep in!

The labrador's dog bed is almost as big as my mattress.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Wintergreen on March 06, 2015, 02:29:04 AM
Dear Oliver-cat,

I don't know what you are saying to our other cat when she tries to sleep on our bed with us, but I must assume it is something about making a muff out of her if she does not get out of the bed, because as soon as you open your mouth, she spurts out. This has happened now too many times. Please stop. You both fit in the bed with us. You can warm my legs (and I do promise not to kick you too much) and the other one can cuddle with the Nice Human. Also, the Nice Human can't sleep when you wake up the other cat and she gets restless. Sleep deprived Nice Human means later morning food for you.

And now that I mentioned the food... you do know that trying to trip us and circling our legs while we are trying to feed you is slowing us down, right? Also, if you murder us, our bodies won't feed you that long. So keep your distance. I don't want you to end up with brain damage, because I suspect there is not that much left to be damaged anymore!

Thank you for your consideration,
The Hard-hearted Human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on March 07, 2015, 01:13:09 AM
Dear Mika

It's a lie. A Hoomin bed can easily accomodate 2 full-grown, 55kg rotties. A middle-sized lab should be no problem.

The Hoomin can use that bed on the floor.

Sam and Max


Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on March 10, 2015, 12:11:30 AM

Dear Demons:

I know that you worry when I leave your sight for longer than 30 seconds after my months absence. However, to be able to keep you in chewies, I need to go to my volunteer work 2 days a week until I find a job and get paid.

If I don't, you will be sent out to walk the streets and beg for rawhide bones from passing people. Actually, knowing you two little thugs, you'll get jobs as enforcers for the local feral cats.

Until then, can you please stop the deranged lunacy every time I come home? If you yodeled any louder you could be heard at the shops. And I'm quite sure I saw one of you balancing and dancing on the tip of his tail yesterday. I thought only cats were allowed break the laws of physics?

Calm and mature boys. There's a chance dainties might come your way if you don't bowl me over at the back door.

Love

The controller of chewies.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on March 11, 2015, 12:32:46 PM
Dear Daisy,

You are doing very well in obedience class. However, quit trying to eat the annoying dog who wants to play with you. I agree that she's a pill, but she still outweighs you by half your body weight. I will do my best to keep her away if you stop lunging at her throat when she does get in range.

Love,

The Treat Supplier
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bandu on March 11, 2015, 08:18:05 PM
Dear Pack of Four,

Yes, that never-before-seen monster across the road you're barking at DOES look like an evil alien: long skinny legs, long neck, big head, funny walk.

But sweeties, that's a Great Blue Heron, and he's only there because the pasture's flooded. I promise he won't abduct us.

Love,
Your Dutiful Servant
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on March 19, 2015, 08:15:32 PM
Dear Lucas,

Please don't eat any random metal objects that are on the dining table, even if they are smeared with rice and cream sauce. I'm going to have to wait for it to come out the other end, and you know how much I enjoy that.

Your rather irritated Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: TriCrazy73 on March 20, 2015, 03:12:00 PM
Dear Sadie,

I know you are just a four-month old baby, but if you could go back to pooping outside, that would be swell.  I know that the snow is melting and you have no where to go...but I promise, the grass is okay!

Also, even though you are a baby, you are 35 pounds and are starting to freak out the smaller puppies in training class.  Can you settle down a tad? 
Thanks lovie,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: miladyrose on March 22, 2015, 09:52:43 PM
Dear Stephens,

I know that you get cold easily since you got that much needed haircut, but Daddy doesn't like it when you crawl under his bottom when he's sleeping. We're happy to share the covers, but you need to stay by our feet if you don't want to get squished. Also, looking at me with puppy eyes while I'm eating bacon will not get you a piece. Go eat the nice dog food in your bowl that we spent a fortune on.

Love,
Mommy


Dear Stephens,

You know that medicine that you swore that you wouldn't eat? I hid it in that piece of cheese you ate so happily. Daddy-1, Stephens-0

Love,
Daddy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mlmama on March 22, 2015, 10:48:39 PM
Dear Sirius,
The puppies are here to stay. Get used to it. They are going to try to play  with you like they do your sister.  Growling and nipping at them isn't working.  Please stop.
Love,  Giver of Chest rubs.

Dear Hercules,
Stop growling and jumping and nipping at Siruis' feet when he is laying quietly on the couch.  The constant baiting will end with you in the kennel nursing hurt feelings.

Dear Dot,
You are so great for learning to go on the paper when you're running freely!  Could you teach your brother to use it EVERY time instead of being close enough and getting the carpet?
Love,
Grandma
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Esther_bunny on March 22, 2015, 11:11:06 PM
I think I am a soft touch. I have 2 Labradors, a silky terrorist, a cat and a husband sharing my bed. They sometimes allow me the use of half a pillow and a corner of a sheet.

Good thing it is a King size!

I see we have the same sleeping arrangement. I have 2 rat terriers, a schnoodle, and one of our cats that expand when they're asleep. Of course they only expand in my direction, not my husbands.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fliss on March 24, 2015, 04:25:18 AM

Dear Max

I know you don't like Sam nicking your chewies. But was it really necessary to go 'deranged banshee' on him when he tried to walk past you to the water bowl? Methinks you need some retraining on food permissions my lad.


Dear Sam

You can come out from under my chair now and stop shaking. One, you don't actually fit in a space that would be a squeeze even for a large cat, and your backside and tail are in danger of being run over. Two, Max has been sent to the bathroom 20 minutes ago, with a very sore backside and his ears still ringing I hope. I think it's safe.

Provider of ears and chewies
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Susiqzer on March 27, 2015, 02:43:12 PM
Dear Lola,

The skunks are not your friends. Please stop charging them and getting sprayed, especially when Mommy has a busy day at work that will need to be rearranged to take you to the groomer for a super-long spa day. FYI, my co-workers were similarly unimpressed, as Mommy was apparently a bit stinky from merely being in your presence. This was the seventh (!!) time, you should get it by now.

Dear Husband, Please learn to be aware of your surroundings, as you're the one walking the dog in the wee hours of the morning as the skunks are heading back to bed. For the love of little green apples, pay attention! I'd also like to know why it's my job to take her to the groomer, when you're the one who goofed. Please explain.

Love,
Me
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: wheeitsme on March 27, 2015, 02:55:42 PM
Dear Dodger,

I know you're new here, and a puppy, and you've just come from a bad situation, but Melody was here first and it's not really nice to sit on her head to get in front of her while she's getting scritches. 
And it's not like you're tiny. 

Dear Melody,

You are allowed to "school" Dodger when he steps out of line.  You don't have to be so darned self-effacing. 

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Phoebelion on March 27, 2015, 03:22:45 PM
Dear Melody,

Yes, please teach that pup some manners.  It will be the best job you can do.

Love, the Mommy to the late Sammi and current rescue Skipper, the angel (formerly know as youhavenomannersyoubrat)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Kimblee on March 27, 2015, 09:26:44 PM
Dear Rocky,
I am glad that you have reclaimed your new dog bed from the kittens.  I am a bit ashamed that you whined at me about it for almost a week before you decided to brave the little fluffy terrors.  I don't know why you are so scared of small kittens.  You weight 80 pounds.  If the kittens and their mama weigh ten pounds put together and soaking wet, I'd be surprised.
Love,
The human who was quite sure that you were with the dogs at the shelter, not the chickens.

Rocky - Don't worry, you are not alone and it's a completely normal reaction (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpK4VrspRoQ).

Greencat and Rocky (and Kitty) - Congrats on the kittens! ;D

you.... you are a bad person and you should feel bad.  >:D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on March 29, 2015, 05:24:07 PM
Dear Pelon,
Why was it necessary to not only eat a mummified snake, but to do so on the sofa? I really need to look over more quickly when I hear you munching on something, even if I'm busy writing an exam.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on April 07, 2015, 10:43:28 PM
Dear Molly

Would you like the bicarb now or later?  It was impressive - one and a half serves of regular doggy dinner (poor Suzi! victim to the sneak thief again), a full chicken tender and a big bowl of rice with curry sauce.  Not bad for such a small dog!  Where do you put it all?

I always know it's starting to get cold when you girls get the munchies so bad.

Love

The provider of the regular doggy dinner.

PS Please stop meerkatting the chickens.  They are Not For You.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mental Magpie on April 09, 2015, 03:43:56 AM
Dear Czar and Skeletor,

No thank you for teaching my oversized dogs that the couch is somewhere to lounge.  Luckily, only one of them does it, but the one who does do it has found a very annoying way to follow suit.  Their daddy hasn't discouraged them so I'm the bad guy that says, "No!"  This is the last time I dog sit you!  (No, it's not!).  The house was happy until you taught them it was a cool place to lie down.  Thankfully, only one of them partakes.

<3,
The Original Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: JadeAngel on April 12, 2015, 10:55:14 PM
Dear Scout,

That bubble wrap was for packaging things in not for chewing on and dragging all over the place. I've no idea who left it on the floor, I suspect it was the cleaners moving the chair over the weekend, but no matter how you got it, it's not for you!!

I've filled your ball with peanut butter, come out from under the stairs and lets discuss a trade...
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MonteCristo on April 13, 2015, 10:08:27 AM
Dear Sydney,

Book are for reading not eating.  Especially not great big textbooks relating to Mom's new job.  Couldn't you have just eaten a throw pillow or something? 

Love,
The frustrated one who provides plenty of chew toys and is tired of you stealing her amazon packages!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on April 18, 2015, 09:27:51 PM
Jack Jack -

Mommy laughed at you because you ran right into the very large ottoman (which was sitting exactly where it always does) because you had a fluffy in your mouth that didn't belomg to you. I'd you hadn't stole Bailye's fluffy you wouldn't have bonked you head.

Mommy still loves you silly furbball.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MissRose on April 20, 2015, 06:21:24 AM
Abby,

You are such a good girl (a beagle type mix dog) sitting inside the church with your leash tied to a post but not where your daddy the priest is in the sanctuary saying Mass. Considering many parents are taking kids to the bathroom right near there, and you do not bother them nor bark at them - I commend you.

Love,

A visitor to to church where your daddy comes and does a Mass.

(the dog comes with the priest as he travels from another town, and the dog still has some separation issues but is getting better)

***

Dear Coco (the young white german shepherd with touch of husky),

I wish you would stop being so hyper and jumping on people when they visit.  I know your human parents are doing their best but I am sure they want you to be a bit more calm like your mom. dad, and grandma already are.

Love,

Auntie Rose
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bandu on April 20, 2015, 06:36:09 AM
Dear Pack,
Please stop eating all the junebugs, then urping them up inside the house. There's only so many paper towels in this world.
Love,
The Lady
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mlmama on April 21, 2015, 10:09:16 AM
Dear Dot,
Thank you for going potty outside like a big dog! That's so great! Just, next time, coud you do it on the grass and not on the walkway? lol
Love,
Your proud of you Grandma

Dear Hercules,
You have plenty of toys outside to play with. Why do you insist on bringing rocks onto the porch and dropping them? It freaks everyone else out and makes them bark because they think someone is knocking! Yes, it's really cute since the rocks are usually bigger than your mouth, but still. Please stop!
Love,
Your giver of chew toys
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on April 23, 2015, 11:03:23 PM
Miss Baiey -

you are a doggy, not a cow. Please stop "mooing" as part of your "talking". It's a bit odd

Per Daddy's request.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: blue2000 on April 24, 2015, 08:22:10 AM
Miss Baiey -

you are a doggy, not a cow. Please stop "mooing" as part of your "talking". It's a bit odd

Per Daddy's request.

Dear Miss Baiey,

Don't listen to the silly humans. Animal impressions are really 'in' right now.

Sincerely,
Pris AKA Miz Duck
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on April 24, 2015, 12:06:41 PM
Sadie-
That is the paperboy for the neighbor lady. 
Daddy had a day off today and wanted to sleep in this morning. He had to get up to see what it was since I was in the shower. 
You see him every morning.  Did he have a new car or something? 

HUSH. 

Love the Mama (who got taken out for breakfast before work, so maybe it wasn't a bad thing.)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 29, 2015, 03:52:28 PM
Dear Wolfie:

I'm sorry I had to remove the toy from your mouth.  You see, roadkill 'possum is just not a good toy.  I appreciate that you finally let go after about the 6th time I asked you to, along with not so gentle tugs.

Dear Puggie:

So were you ignoring your brother because you were grossed out or because you were mad he didn't share?  Or mad that he was allowing this strange woman to walk him quite cheerfully while you were still continuing to give her the stink eye?

Dear Spike:

I'm so sorry I kept tripping on you and getting you right in the noggin with my foot on more than one occasion on that trip.  Thank you for walking so well with Wolfie and showing them both how to patiently wait on the shoulder of the road for cars to go by.

To all three of you:

While I enjoyed walking you all together, I sincerely hope your Daddy will be joining us on all future occasions.  It was stressful!  I'm glad you all like me (or at least tolerate me, in Puggie's case) and haven't figured out yet that I'm not really a dog person.

Signed,
Daddy's new girlfriend
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on May 07, 2015, 06:38:54 AM
Dear Socks,

The monster in the corner of the kitchen is the washing machine.  It has been there for all the nine months of your life.  You see it every day.  Sometimes it is making funny noises, and you never bat an eyelid.  Sometimes it's just sitting there quietly in the corner and you have never paid it any attention.  You have seen it working, you have seen it with it's door open and with it's door closed. Why, for the love of everything that's holy, is it a monster this morning?

Come in and eat your breakfast!

Love
Your confused owner

*For info.  The washing machine was open and half filled with a couple of towels.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MinAvi on May 11, 2015, 10:00:50 PM
Dear Lucy,

Please stop licking the cane toads. The first time you bit one it scared the hell out of me, I thought it was going to kill you.

Now I realise you have got your dose down to a fine art, and just lick it a couple of times until you get all stoned.

Don't do drugs, you little stoner you! Bloody drug addict.

Love,

The giver of smooches.


Dear Mika,

Thank you for not licking the live cane toads. However, finding the dead ones and using them as a chew toy is frowned upon too. Knock it off!

Also, whilst I am writing to you, could you please keep your tongue in your mouth? The constant licking of me, your dad, the car, the furniture, the other dogs, the air, the windows... gah! Please, try to contain yourself.

Love,

She-that-tastes-good

Dear Bailie,

Thank you for being the sweetheart you are and not taking after your nutso sisters.

Love

Mum xxx
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on May 20, 2015, 04:13:31 PM
Dear Sadie-
Oh my poor old girl.  I am not sure why you have started the past couple of years getting weird hot spots. 
The one this week showed up shockingly quick.   But please stop licking/nibbling that spot. 
The spot on your side is about half the width of my palm and about as long*.  It worries me and I need to get you to the vet to figure out what can be done. 
Pretty sure you are going to need steroids again.  Poor old girl.

Glad you see in pretty good spirits otherwise. 

Love the mama

*Got it covered and have been putting goop on it to try to help it heal.  Vet appointment in two days.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on June 03, 2015, 09:08:21 PM
Miss Bailey -

I know you miss daddy but pouting amd sighing amd acting like a team will not get him home sooner or get you into mummy's good graces. It's annoying, cut it out.

Jack -

I know there's a lot going on right now and we had to change out your kennele and move it, and there's been lots of people in and out of the house but it'll all be over soon. You can stop freaking out amd enjoy mommy's lap for a while.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on June 07, 2015, 04:03:56 PM
Dear Dart,

Thank you for waiting for Daddy to get home so we could all say goodbye. You were a very good boy. I wish you would have had more good years to spend here. Thank you for being part of our family. You are missed very much. Wait for us at the bridge, sweet boy.

Love,

Your very heartbroken mama, papa, Saber, Valentine, Hogan and Spencer.

One of my foster pups had a stroke on Friday. He went quickly and without pain.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MaryR on June 07, 2015, 07:16:00 PM
I am so sorry. Losing a pet, even a foster pet is heart breaking.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on June 07, 2015, 08:08:47 PM
Thank you
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on June 09, 2015, 01:23:04 PM
Sadie -
This summer is not friendly to you.  You aren't itching now, but your back leg is gimpy again.  I can't give you your arthritis pills until you are finished with your other pills.  (As per vet's orders.)
Let's start with laying down on your nice ortho bed and relaxing rather than following me downstairs. 
And end the evening with a nice gentle rub down from your beloved human (DH,not me)

- Love the worried one.


*She was better - and even spry - this morning, but oy.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Kimblee on June 09, 2015, 03:29:11 PM
Bernadette,

You are the sweetest girl, I know you are scared to death of new people but you endured being poked and prodded and having a thermometer but up where nothing should ever go without so much as a yelp or a cry today. You are such a brave girl and I am so proud of you. You even wagged your tail and let the vet tech rub your ears, although you hid under the chair for a long time after that.

I know you don't know anything about what's going on lately, why your sister-rival isn't around anymore and every time her name is said I start crying. You don't know why I'm crying now, or keep obsessively checking my phone, or why those papers the lady with the thermometer gave me made me gasp and go white. You just know I'm upset and you are trying to hard to make me happy, and I'm sorry that its not working the way you want it to. I'm sorry that Sister isn't here for you to play with anymore and I'm sorry that I'm not the owner you deserve to have.

In a few minutes we are all gonna pile back into the car and go back to the strange place with the strange people again. This time we're gonna take your lover boy and brother-rival with us and I may start crying again, depending on how the blood test goes. Monday we're gonna start some scary stuff and you're gonna have to learn to sleep in a crate, in fact best case scenario you're going to be in your crate for the next three months or so.

And somehow we are gonna get through this and make it to the other side. I don't know how right now but that's okay because you don't understand English anyway.

Fearfully Hopeful but Forever your Biggest Fan,

The weepy soggy person.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: siamesecat2965 on June 12, 2015, 10:09:02 AM
Dear puppy nephew, aka chicken-dog,
I know that you were a rescue, and therefore your mommy and daddy don't really know waht happened before they adopted you. THey do know, that you hate water, something happened. I know that too, and that's why you won't go outside when the automatic sprinklers are on. But for the love of whatever, when it goes off, and I try three times to let you out, the thing not to do is to roll over and want belly rubs! And because of that, after I left for work, mommy had to call someone to let you out and pee!

And to the other one, When I wake you up and try and let you out before bed, or before I go to work its not because I'm mean, its because being that your are 12, you can't hold it as long as you used to! So it doens't help that I have to get behind you and herd you out the door!.

I know part of it is you are miffed that mommy and daddy went away and you feel abandoned, but I've been watching one of you for 10+ years, and the other ever since they got you, several years ago.

Love,
Aunt SiameseCat
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: turtleIScream on June 12, 2015, 10:23:55 AM
My dear sweet Snuggle-Fluffs,

I love you. I love when you snuggle me. Could you please wait until I am done with my PT exercises? Thanks!

Your very sore Turtle.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: mlmama on June 12, 2015, 12:11:14 PM
Dear Dot and Hercules,

It is 90 degrees outside. You can go out and go potty, and hang out for about 10 minutes, but you have to come back in after that. You two run around like crazies while you're out. Even with water out there, you need to come in and cool off. Standing on the porch looking at me adorably with your tongues hanging out isn't gonna work. I will pick you up and bring you inside.

Love,
Your overheated grandma
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MonteCristo on July 13, 2015, 09:49:49 AM
Dear Crickett,

I know you miss your family, but they'll be back from vacation on Thursday.  I'm doing my best to give you snuggles and loving, but if you continue to stay up all night whinning and barking, I'm going to have to crate you on the other side of the house.  Just settle down with Sydney and have a good time until they get back.  Also, I promise the cats will not eat you.  I know they look terrifying, but I promise they are just as scared of you as you are of them. 

Dear Sydney,

Quit trying to still poor Crickett's food.  Just because he hasn't adapted to his temporary home is no excuse for being a pig. 

Love,
The one who wasn't cut out for more than one emotionally needy dog.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on July 13, 2015, 12:15:18 PM
Bkgd:  My BF has 3 dogs - one altered male, one unaltered male, one unaltered female.  Well, 4 dogs.  We still have one puppy from her litter in February that we didn't manage to sell but he isn't mature yet.  The female is coming into heat and we're not prepared to deal with another round of pups right now.

Dear Spike:

I know your girlfriend and her brother just left and you're left here with your overly rambunctious son.  I promise you that BF has not abandoned you!  No need to whine or howl.  How about you pass the time teaching your son some manners?  The separation is only temporary, I promise.

That woman who keeps coming around

(I'm going to take these two out to the BF's place tonight.  I may end up trading which two dogs I keep at my house.  It's going to be an interesting couple of weeks...)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Susiqzer on July 13, 2015, 12:43:03 PM
Dear Dog,

Why are you barking like a maniac anytime someone says "mermaid?" We don't get it. I promise that mermaids are not, in fact, invading our home.



Dear Daughter,

Please stop saying "mermaid."

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: wheeitsme on July 13, 2015, 02:09:08 PM
Dear Dodger,

What have you been nibbling on?  The Vet said you have fractured 2 of your front teeth!

Now the only thing we can do is have the broken ones removed. 

Here's hoping you'll start eating the soft food for a couple weeks...

...oh, and just in case, no more ice cubes.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on July 15, 2015, 10:03:13 AM
Dear Sadie -
And this is the reason why you get leashed to go out for your last potty of the night.  It is twilight and many critters are also out moving about.  (We live in town but have a ton of wildlife in our neighborhood.)
So that pretty doe that didn't run and stomped her front foot at you 2 nights ago.  Yep, I know you saw the fawn last night peaking out from the doe's back leg.  Leave them both alone, they are NOT long legged dogs.

Love
The Mama


Dear Miss Doe -
Seriously?  Go down toward the walking trail (about 5 human blocks away) to hang out.  Or at the very least, please stop inviting your raccoon friend for evening snacks. 

The one who has a small garden sprayed with Liquid Fence and hates raccoons.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on September 02, 2015, 06:13:20 PM
Dear Flirt-Dog, aka Smokey,

You are a mighty hunter dog.  Your people admit and admire your hunting prowess!  That being said, for the love of all things dogs consider holy, PLEASE stop jumping around our house trying to snag the fly!  Just leave it alone, it'll be dead in a few days anyway. 

Less love than normal,

Your person
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lillie82 on September 04, 2015, 08:59:10 PM
Bernadette,

You are the sweetest girl, I know you are scared to death of new people but you endured being poked and prodded and having a thermometer but up where nothing should ever go without so much as a yelp or a cry today. You are such a brave girl and I am so proud of you. You even wagged your tail and let the vet tech rub your ears, although you hid under the chair for a long time after that.

I know you don't know anything about what's going on lately, why your sister-rival isn't around anymore and every time her name is said I start crying. You don't know why I'm crying now, or keep obsessively checking my phone, or why those papers the lady with the thermometer gave me made me gasp and go white. You just know I'm upset and you are trying to hard to make me happy, and I'm sorry that its not working the way you want it to. I'm sorry that Sister isn't here for you to play with anymore and I'm sorry that I'm not the owner you deserve to have.

In a few minutes we are all gonna pile back into the car and go back to the strange place with the strange people again. This time we're gonna take your lover boy and brother-rival with us and I may start crying again, depending on how the blood test goes. Monday we're gonna start some scary stuff and you're gonna have to learn to sleep in a crate, in fact best case scenario you're going to be in your crate for the next three months or so.

And somehow we are gonna get through this and make it to the other side. I don't know how right now but that's okay because you don't understand English anyway.

Fearfully Hopeful but Forever your Biggest Fan,

The weepy soggy person.

I hope I'm not being insensitive with how I ask this, but...do I gather several of your fur-babies have a health issue, and that, it's either contagious, or genetic, or somehow, because one has it there's a risk that others will get it?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: JoW on September 04, 2015, 09:10:45 PM
Bernadette,

You are the sweetest girl, I know you are scared to death of new people but you endured being poked and prodded and having a thermometer but up where nothing should ever go without so much as a yelp or a cry today. You are such a brave girl and I am so proud of you. You even wagged your tail and let the vet tech rub your ears, although you hid under the chair for a long time after that.

I know you don't know anything about what's going on lately, why your sister-rival isn't around anymore and every time her name is said I start crying. You don't know why I'm crying now, or keep obsessively checking my phone, or why those papers the lady with the thermometer gave me made me gasp and go white. You just know I'm upset and you are trying to hard to make me happy, and I'm sorry that its not working the way you want it to. I'm sorry that Sister isn't here for you to play with anymore and I'm sorry that I'm not the owner you deserve to have.

In a few minutes we are all gonna pile back into the car and go back to the strange place with the strange people again. This time we're gonna take your lover boy and brother-rival with us and I may start crying again, depending on how the blood test goes. Monday we're gonna start some scary stuff and you're gonna have to learn to sleep in a crate, in fact best case scenario you're going to be in your crate for the next three months or so.

And somehow we are gonna get through this and make it to the other side. I don't know how right now but that's okay because you don't understand English anyway.

Fearfully Hopeful but Forever your Biggest Fan,

The weepy soggy person.

I hope I'm not being insensitive with how I ask this, but...do I gather several of your fur-babies have a health issue, and that, it's either contagious, or genetic, or somehow, because one has it there's a risk that others will get it?
I'm not Bernadette but I think I know what she's doing.  She's trying to keep the almost-ready-to-go-into-heat female away from the intact male.  She is trying to keep the female from getting pregnant.   
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Elfmama on September 05, 2015, 12:52:10 PM
Bernadette,

You are the sweetest girl, I know you are scared to death of new people but you endured being poked and prodded and having a thermometer but up where nothing should ever go without so much as a yelp or a cry today. You are such a brave girl and I am so proud of you. You even wagged your tail and let the vet tech rub your ears, although you hid under the chair for a long time after that.

I know you don't know anything about what's going on lately, why your sister-rival isn't around anymore and every time her name is said I start crying. You don't know why I'm crying now, or keep obsessively checking my phone, or why those papers the lady with the thermometer gave me made me gasp and go white. You just know I'm upset and you are trying to hard to make me happy, and I'm sorry that its not working the way you want it to. I'm sorry that Sister isn't here for you to play with anymore and I'm sorry that I'm not the owner you deserve to have.

In a few minutes we are all gonna pile back into the car and go back to the strange place with the strange people again. This time we're gonna take your lover boy and brother-rival with us and I may start crying again, depending on how the blood test goes. Monday we're gonna start some scary stuff and you're gonna have to learn to sleep in a crate, in fact best case scenario you're going to be in your crate for the next three months or so.

And somehow we are gonna get through this and make it to the other side. I don't know how right now but that's okay because you don't understand English anyway.

Fearfully Hopeful but Forever your Biggest Fan,

The weepy soggy person.

I hope I'm not being insensitive with how I ask this, but...do I gather several of your fur-babies have a health issue, and that, it's either contagious, or genetic, or somehow, because one has it there's a risk that others will get it?
I'm not Bernadette but I think I know what she's doing.  She's trying to keep the almost-ready-to-go-into-heat female away from the intact male.  She is trying to keep the female from getting pregnant.   
But a Female Dog going into season is not going to make Kimblee cry or go white or necessitate crating for 3 months.  It's a nuisance, not a tragedy, and only necessary for a week or so.

Kimblee, I hope your furry ones are OK.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: blue2000 on September 05, 2015, 02:54:25 PM
Bernadette,

You are the sweetest girl, I know you are scared to death of new people but you endured being poked and prodded and having a thermometer but up where nothing should ever go without so much as a yelp or a cry today. You are such a brave girl and I am so proud of you. You even wagged your tail and let the vet tech rub your ears, although you hid under the chair for a long time after that.

I know you don't know anything about what's going on lately, why your sister-rival isn't around anymore and every time her name is said I start crying. You don't know why I'm crying now, or keep obsessively checking my phone, or why those papers the lady with the thermometer gave me made me gasp and go white. You just know I'm upset and you are trying to hard to make me happy, and I'm sorry that its not working the way you want it to. I'm sorry that Sister isn't here for you to play with anymore and I'm sorry that I'm not the owner you deserve to have.

In a few minutes we are all gonna pile back into the car and go back to the strange place with the strange people again. This time we're gonna take your lover boy and brother-rival with us and I may start crying again, depending on how the blood test goes. Monday we're gonna start some scary stuff and you're gonna have to learn to sleep in a crate, in fact best case scenario you're going to be in your crate for the next three months or so.

And somehow we are gonna get through this and make it to the other side. I don't know how right now but that's okay because you don't understand English anyway.

Fearfully Hopeful but Forever your Biggest Fan,

The weepy soggy person.

I hope I'm not being insensitive with how I ask this, but...do I gather several of your fur-babies have a health issue, and that, it's either contagious, or genetic, or somehow, because one has it there's a risk that others will get it?
I'm not Bernadette but I think I know what she's doing.  She's trying to keep the almost-ready-to-go-into-heat female away from the intact male.  She is trying to keep the female from getting pregnant.   
But a Female Dog going into season is not going to make Kimblee cry or go white or necessitate crating for 3 months.  It's a nuisance, not a tragedy, and only necessary for a week or so.

Kimblee, I hope your furry ones are OK.

Kimblee's post on her dogs. http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=138467.msg3317416#msg3317416  They have been ill, unfortunately. :( Haven't heard how they are lately.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bellantara on September 05, 2015, 06:09:43 PM
Dear, sweet, Bruja: If you want to con second dinner by standing beside your dish, wagging your tail hopefully and looking pitiful and starving, it would behoove you to keep better track of your housemates. *I* fed you first dinner! E for effort, though! ‪
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on October 30, 2015, 11:24:17 PM
Jack Jack -

You are a 9 pound Yorkie, the boxer and lab mix that are out walking the same time as we are in the morning are not intimidated by you. In fact, you lose points now that it's cold and you're wearing your "I'm really a cat in disguise " t-shirt. 

Really, get over yourself
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: miladyrose on October 31, 2015, 01:50:23 PM
Dear Stephens,

Yes, I know that it is raining and cold outside the front door. It is also raining and cold outside the back door. Looking at me with big, sad eyes will not make the wet and cold stop. The sooner you finish your business the sooner we can stay inside where it is warm.

Also, Mommy's bed is NOT the place for you to dry your muddy paws. You have 2 blankets on the couch for just that purpose. If you can't behave then you're going to have to sleep on the floor.

Love always,
Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: misha412 on October 31, 2015, 02:48:32 PM
Dear Dagan,

I know the neighbors got two new doggies and there are plenty of new smells hanging around. But, standing still and sniffing the air for minutes at a time, and not doing your outside business, is not cool. Yes, you need to know who is hanging around, but I have things to do that doesn't involve standing outside watching a dog sniff the air.

Love, mommy, the giver of all good food.

(Note: he gets plenty of sniffy time two or three times a day, but there are times when I need him to go out, do the do, and come back in.)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on November 03, 2015, 03:25:56 PM
Dear Sadie -

Good dog for acting like you needed to go outside.  You somehow knew that the neighbor's little boy (age 3) is out roaming at 7 in the morning without supervision. And was going up the hill toward the school.
  - After getting spotted by me, the response from the runner was "Dang Nab It" 
Good girl for walking with me and the little guy across our street to his house. 

On the same type of subject, I am still keeping you on leash since you also seem to know when the free-roaming ginger cat is in our area.

- The one who is amazed that you can't hear that it is bedtime, but you can hear stuff outside.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bandu on November 03, 2015, 09:31:31 PM
Beloved Pack,
Y'all know I can't make the bed if you keep climbing up on it. Stop trying for 5 minutes, I beg of you! The softy, cleantastic, utter smoothiness will be worth the wait, I promise.
Your humble slave,
Lady Treatfetcher

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on November 03, 2015, 10:07:20 PM
Dear Rocky,

Yes, I know there has been a lot of weird noise in the neighborhood this week.  I don't like the sound of the sidewalks being replaced in sections very much either!

Love,

The human

P.S. Yes, I know, your feline siblings appear to like the taste of this week's choice of dog food flavors.  Unfortunately, I am unable to restrict their access to your food without also restricting yours.  I'm afraid that you'll have to either scare them off yourself, or stand there and whine like the great big coward you are when confronted with (cats, thunder, vacuums, fireworks, kittens, other dogs.)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 04, 2015, 11:19:21 AM
Dear Crash:

Sorry, buddy, that you're coming home tonight (hopefully) minus 2 little bits.  But maybe you'll calm the heck down, now!

Your optimistic step mom, who forgives you for puking and/or pooping in the car on the way there.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on November 07, 2015, 01:40:39 PM
Beloved Pack,
Y'all know I can't make the bed if you keep climbing up on it. Stop trying for 5 minutes, I beg of you! The softy, cleantastic, utter smoothiness will be worth the wait, I promise.
Your humble slave,
Lady Treatfetcher
Love your psuedonym. >:D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Midnight Kitty on November 07, 2015, 01:52:11 PM
Dear Rocky,

Yes, I know there has been a lot of weird noise in the neighborhood this week.  I don't like the sound of the sidewalks being replaced in sections very much either!
We currently live in a construction zone.  They are almost finished renovating the exterior of our 29 story condo building.  They are removing the last of the concrete spalling right outside/below our lanai.  It sounds a lot like a pneumatic hammer and the building vibrates.  Then they started renovating 3 units on our floor starting with demolition on the unit adjacent to ours.

Honey Girl is a 15 pound terrior/dachshund mix.  We've been working with her on not barking or at least using her "indoor voice."  She heard the pounding on our wall and interpreted it as someone knocking at our door, so she barked at me to let me know I should be answering the door.  About the 3rd time, Honey was getting frustrated at my rudeness, since I was not answering the door.  I went out in the hall and she followed.  We greeted the workers next door and she wagged her tail, but wouldn't step a paw on that messy floor (sheet rock dust all over from the demo work).  I asked them if they heard her barking and they said "no."  Good job with the "indoor voice" Honey!

Then I explained that I don't want her to bark inside, but she's reacting to their knocking/pounding.  I asked them to pound/knock on the wall.  Honey Girl looked at him knocking and I could just see her processing.

We went back home.  They knocked on the wall.  Honey Girl wagged her tail.  Win-win!

We've seen the workers several times in the hall.  Honey Girl always greets them with a wagging tail.

We think Honey Girl is the smartest dog ever! ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: StillandSilent on November 08, 2015, 01:23:18 AM
Glitch:  I know the neighbor girl is in heat and you're a randy teenage boy, but get over it.  She is not yours, she will never be yours and it's time to suck it up.  I would prefer to not have you lose your mind every 6 months.

Gimmick:  I'm starting to wonder if you are...er...not interested in the ladies at all.  You certainly don't mind that Lucy is in season, and actually seem rather disgusted with her.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bandu on November 08, 2015, 07:20:57 PM
Beloved Pack,
Y'all know I can't make the bed if you keep climbing up on it. Stop trying for 5 minutes, I beg of you! The softy, cleantastic, utter smoothiness will be worth the wait, I promise.
Your humble slave,
Lady Treatfetcher
Love your psuedonym. >:D
Well, I come from a long line of Treatfetchers, you see!
 ;)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Benni on November 08, 2015, 10:39:11 PM
Dear Virginia,

When Daddy says you can climb in bed, he means on the bottom edge of the bed.  He does not mean that you can sprawl your 80 lbs of canine deadweight across the middle of the bed and crowd Mommy and Daddy out of bed.

Also, when you wake Mommy up in the morning, while Daddy is showering, could you please do your circle dance and plop on Daddy's side of the bed on not.on.Mommy?

Love,

Your very tired and slightly squished Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Softly Spoken on November 19, 2015, 12:26:04 AM
Dear Rocky,

Yes, I know there has been a lot of weird noise in the neighborhood this week.  I don't like the sound of the sidewalks being replaced in sections very much either!
We currently live in a construction zone.  They are almost finished renovating the exterior of our 29 story condo building.  They are removing the last of the concrete spalling right outside/below our lanai.  It sounds a lot like a pneumatic hammer and the building vibrates.  Then they started renovating 3 units on our floor starting with demolition on the unit adjacent to ours.

Honey Girl is a 15 pound terrior/dachshund mix.  We've been working with her on not barking or at least using her "indoor voice."  She heard the pounding on our wall and interpreted it as someone knocking at our door, so she barked at me to let me know I should be answering the door.  About the 3rd time, Honey was getting frustrated at my rudeness, since I was not answering the door.  I went out in the hall and she followed.  We greeted the workers next door and she wagged her tail, but wouldn't step a paw on that messy floor (sheet rock dust all over from the demo work).  I asked them if they heard her barking and they said "no."  Good job with the "indoor voice" Honey!

Then I explained that I don't want her to bark inside, but she's reacting to their knocking/pounding.  I asked them to pound/knock on the wall.  Honey Girl looked at him knocking and I could just see her processing.

We went back home.  They knocked on the wall.  Honey Girl wagged her tail.  Win-win!

We've seen the workers several times in the hall.  Honey Girl always greets them with a wagging tail.

We think Honey Girl is the smartest dog ever! ;D
I think so too! <3  ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 19, 2015, 06:54:40 PM
Dear Squeak:

How on earth does such a tiny little ball of fluff be so loud?  I'm glad you'll be going to your furever home soon.

Dear Crash:

I really hope that little surgery has some effect soon.  You are driving me round the bend.  Enough with the barking, enough with the tearing up of the pee pads, enough with the tormenting of Squeak, enough with the tearing apart of your food dish and especially enough with the trying to escape all the time.  At least you go willingly into your pen at night; cuts down on the barking a little.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 25, 2015, 04:59:37 AM
Dear Squeak:

Oh, little one.  You race for the door.  The big heavy door on a spring so it closes by itself.  Usually we see you coming and grab it and close it gently.  We didn't see you today!  So sorry, little girl.

But maybe now, you'll stop running hell bent for leather to get out the door.   :P

Many apologies,
The fud lady

(Squeak currently has a very sore nose.  I was afraid she'd caught a paw but nope, just her nose.  And she lived up to her name when it happened.  Poor little girl.)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on February 10, 2016, 08:59:28 PM
Dear Lucas,

Congrats, you've figured out how to game the system by scratching on the door, not go out, oh no! but to get the coming-back-inside treat. From here on out, you have to stay outside for at least a couple minutes, yes, even if it's cold, to get the treat.

Goof dog.

The Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mad Goat Woman on February 11, 2016, 04:30:17 AM
Dear Ned,

Yes, it's a good thing you've got the rounding up instinct-- you better have, considering your beautiful Border Collie breeding and your lovely (dearly departed and missed) grandmother. But I do wish you'd stop trying to round up the goats-- the big one doesn't like you, and she's demonstrated that a few times, but you still don't seem to get it. I will laugh the next time the big one decides to have a go at you.

Love,
The goat wrangler.

Dear Penny

Stop taunting Sooki. You've been injured numerous times by her and you still keep going back for seconds.

Not amused
Sooki's handler.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: oz diva on February 11, 2016, 05:27:56 AM
Dear Rogie

You have a dog door which we installed at great cost, you use it to go out, then you forget it's there and scrape the door to come in, but when I reluctantly open the door, you run away. Please just use the dog door and stop driving me crazy.

Dear Lexie,

That was a pretty good vet visit, I hope you agree. Your tummy must be feeling happier now. It was a bit traumatic and it's hard for a lady to keep in nice in those circumstances. But you did fine.

The lady who feeds and walks you.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 11, 2016, 07:54:26 AM
Dear Crash:

What on earth was with the barking all night long?  I wore earplugs but you kept BF awake.  Good job he doesn't have to go to work today and can grab a nap.

From the one who is off to buy a citronella spray refill for your bark collar tonight...
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: wheeitsme on February 11, 2016, 11:28:47 AM
Dear Dodger,

We have an electric dog door and you have a key attached to your collar.
You have no problem using the door when everyone is up and awake.
You don't need to wake me up to walk you to the door at 2 in the morning.  Really.

Luvs,

Tired.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on February 11, 2016, 12:34:35 PM
Dear Dog,

I don't like the neighbors much either, but that noise you have been hearing is them moving out.  Perhaps less barking would be nice?  You're making me anxious!
I'm surprised you didn't bark at the postman who was dropping my packages on my doorstep.  Actually, a chorus of "Someone's at the door!" would have been nice for that one.

Love,
Your human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on February 13, 2016, 04:36:53 PM
Dear Daisy,

I'm sorry- the groomer comes today. You will soon be a naked spaniel.

Love,
The only member of the household who likes you fluffy.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on February 13, 2016, 04:39:22 PM
Dear Daisy,

I'm sorry- the groomer comes today. You will soon be a naked spaniel.

Love,
The only member of the household who likes you fluffy.

I think I need to see a photo of a naked spaniel.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on February 15, 2016, 10:04:29 PM
(http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e342/Auroranorth/DSCF0422_zpsgfiqdsdf.jpg) (http://s42.photobucket.com/user/Auroranorth/media/DSCF0422_zpsgfiqdsdf.jpg.html)

Naked spaniel

She's got about a quarter inch stubble. I've been referring to it as her five-o'clock shadow.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on February 16, 2016, 03:39:09 PM
Aw she's beautiful - naked or not!

Dear Molly

Yes, thank you for waking me up* when the alarm didn't go off this morning.  However, sweetheart, there was a reason it didn't go off.  I don't have to get up early because it's my day off.

Love

Your tired mum xx

*by washing my ears...
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on February 16, 2016, 06:19:07 PM
Dear Pelon,

Stop eating toilet paper. Having to store the roll on the back of the toilet is annoying, though it's better than you grabbing one end and dragging it throughout the house.

Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 19, 2016, 02:07:03 PM
Dear Crash:

I see hear that the bark collar seems to be working!  At least when we leave it on you at night.

Sorry we had to resort to the citronella spray, buddy, but we humans need our sleep.

Perhaps you'll settle down and get some sleep, too, now.

The big non-hairy one
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on March 02, 2016, 08:12:40 AM
Dear Socks,

Yes, there are strange things happening in the kitchen, which meant that you were excluded from that room for a couple of days.  Your sister has puppies now.  I know that you were desperate to get into the kitchen to find out what was going on.  Now she's willing to let you and the others in there to have your dinners as long as you don't poke the puppies.  She's set out the rules and everyone else is happy to abide by them - even your grumpy granny who is convinced that she could rear the puppies better.

You are allowed back in there now, so why can't you even put a foot inside the door?  Your sister knows you aren't going to touch her babies, she's not growling at you or even looking at you.  The little things you have decided are monsters haven't even opened their eyes yet - they're going to get a lot scarier in a few weeks time!

She who now has to feed 4 dogs in their usual eating spots, one in the pen and one,  ::), out in the hall.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: JadeAngel on March 10, 2016, 01:11:59 AM
Dear Scout,

Thank you for the warning that there were strange people coming down the hallway, we certainly appreciated the (very loud) heads up once we had all unstuck ourselves from the ceiling. That's quite a bark you've got there.

We did actually know these strange people were loose in the building and were well in control of the situation but I can see how you would be startled when you unexpectedly run across a strange man with giant purple boots, dreadlocks and five nose rings. I know I was.  ;D

And I am sorry that your Dad told you to sit and then smacked you across the nose, I did advise him that it was sending you a rather confusing message but too late unfortunately. Please be assured that you were not being punished for doing what you were told.

Maybe next time dial down the volume just a couple of decibels.

Love

Me.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on March 11, 2016, 01:42:57 PM
Sadie-girl:
Love that you are the smartest dog we have ever owned.  You are 13 years old and still are learning words. 

*Last night she figured out that the word Benedryl means "Peanut Butter" or "Treat".  Pretty impressive. 

The mama who gives you "treats" to help your allergies.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BeagleMommy on March 18, 2016, 03:34:06 PM
Dear Beagle,

Why on earth have you seemed to revert to puppy behavior?!  You are almost 14 years old and it is not fun to come home to a house strewn with garbage because you think it smells like a buffet.  You'll get sick from the stuff in there you dunderhead!

Nanny's cat is not the devil incarnate.  She is a diva with a nervous condition.  One loud woof from you and she'll take off for the hills.  You outweigh her by 30 lbs.  Man up!

As I said before, you are 14.  You are an old Beagle.  The funny blue things that BeagleDaddy has to mash up are pills that are supposed to keep you healthy.  You might not need to take them forever if your liver enzymes get better.  We're running out of things to hide the funny blue things in because you are too smart and your nose is too good.  Please just take them.

BeagleDaddy and I take turns getting up when you need to go tinkle early in the morning.  Why on earth do you sleep through the night for him and BeagleBoy (who fills in when we're not home) but you wake me up a full hour before my morning alarm goes off?!  Seriously?!  They can take you outside just as easily as I can.

Love,

BeagleMommy - the giver of cookies
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on March 18, 2016, 06:32:40 PM
Dear Beagle,

Why on earth have you seemed to revert to puppy behavior?!  You are almost 14 years old and it is not fun to come home to a house strewn with garbage because you think it smells like a buffet.  You'll get sick from the stuff in there you dunderhead!

Nanny's cat is not the devil incarnate.  She is a diva with a nervous condition.  One loud woof from you and she'll take off for the hills.  You outweigh her by 30 lbs.  Man up!

As I said before, you are 14.  You are an old Beagle.  The funny blue things that BeagleDaddy has to mash up are pills that are supposed to keep you healthy.  You might not need to take them forever if your liver enzymes get better.  We're running out of things to hide the funny blue things in because you are too smart and your nose is too good.  Please just take them.

BeagleDaddy and I take turns getting up when you need to go tinkle early in the morning.  Why on earth do you sleep through the night for him and BeagleBoy (who fills in when we're not home) but you wake me up a full hour before my morning alarm goes off?!  Seriously?!  They can take you outside just as easily as I can.

Love,

BeagleMommy - the giver of cookies

Dear BeagleMommy,

You're supposed to get up and take care of me in the morning; I've decided that.  Also, the funny blue things are stupid, and I shouldn't need to take them.  You're the human, just make me get better. 

Love,
The Beagle
 
(I know this, because I have a dog who does the exact.same.thing.  If I'm home, I have to get up at the crack of dawn and let the dog out, even on weekends.  If I'm not home, apparently it's okay to sleep in until 9 am.)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bandu on March 18, 2016, 07:41:23 PM
Dear Beaglemommy,

My human has been rolling up my Big Blue Liver Pills in delicious, crispy, fatty roasted chicken skin, and with that covering, it's worth snarfing down, lemme tell ya.

She's sure tired of roasted chicken, though.

Regards,
Boy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Black Delphinium on March 18, 2016, 08:02:11 PM
Dear Beaglemommy,

My human has been rolling up my Big Blue Liver Pills in delicious, crispy, fatty roasted chicken skin, and with that covering, it's worth snarfing down, lemme tell ya.

She's sure tired of roasted chicken, though.

Regards,
Boy
Have you considered asking your local butcher for a package of skin? You could roast it on a cookie sheet as needed.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bandu on March 18, 2016, 08:10:17 PM
Dear Beaglemommy,

My human has been rolling up my Big Blue Liver Pills in delicious, crispy, fatty roasted chicken skin, and with that covering, it's worth snarfing down, lemme tell ya.

She's sure tired of roasted chicken, though.

Regards,
Boy
Have you considered asking your local butcher for a package of skin? You could roast it on a cookie sheet as needed.

Good idea, but alas, I live so far in the boonies, I'm just lucky to have indoor plumbing. No butcher for at least 40 miles.

On the plus side, I've really mastered roasted chicken salad!
 :D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BeagleMommy on March 21, 2016, 11:53:41 AM
Dear Beagle,

You were very rude last night.

Nanny was visiting because it was her birthday and we made her dinner (of which you partook).  I know you view her as The Walking Lady, but it was dark outside and you had had a good long walk with me and BeagleDaddy that morning.  Barking at her throughout the evening was very rude and landed you in the basement twice.

Lucky for you, Nanny is a big ol' softie and you got a walk anyway.  Next time, you better behave differently.

Love,

BeagleMommy aka Daughter of the Walking Lady
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on March 21, 2016, 01:34:21 PM
Dear Smokey,

I'm sorry.  I know you're annoyed because I'm home all the time now, which means you can't go jump on the bed to nap, but have to stay by me and protect me.  I'm also sorry that me being home has not resulted in an increase in the amount of food or treats you get, or in the number of walks you get, during the day.  Do you think you could master that irritation just a little bit and not groan and sigh dramatically every time I talk to you or pet you?

Love,

Your person
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on March 21, 2016, 01:40:00 PM
Dear Spike:

Just because you got to go for a ride after a walk Friday and yesterday, doesn't mean you get to go for a ride every time we go for a walk.  What was with you trying to follow me out the door at lunch?
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Yarnspinner on April 05, 2016, 11:47:55 AM
Dear Empress of the Universe:

This is probably a waste of my breath, but here goes.

The other dogs also live on this street.

You can leave pee mail telling them otherwise, but it won't make any difference.  They still live on this street and guess what?  They think they own the whole thing, too.

Barking at them when they walk by will not stop them doing so.

They are also all bigger than you are.

You are tiny and floofy and you almost look more like a stuffed toy and less like a dog when you move.

They are big and can eat you in  one gulp.

Also, when we go for walks at night, could you see your way clear to NOT bark at whatever those invisible demons are that only you can see?  Aunt Yarnspinner has been watching one too many horror shorts on vimeo and you are scaring her out of ten years growth every time you look just behind her and bark at--nothing.

Thanks awfully.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 05, 2016, 11:54:23 AM
With the exception of the random barking?  Oh, yes.

OK, Spike.  Either pee or don't but you don't need to sniff the spot for 10 minutes to figure out what that other dog had for breakfast.

Puggie, you are the smallest of everybody.  Why are you the one who goes the craziest when there is a big dog near us?

Crash, quit taking after your mother.

Wolfie, thank you for being the calm one.  A year ago, who knew you'd end up the calm one?

And guys, just because there are 6 of us (including the two humans), it doesn't mean we can take on that German shepherd and his owner.  The 4 of you combined don't weigh as much as he does.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Valentines Mommy on April 05, 2016, 01:44:21 PM
Dear Griswold,

You are so lucky you're cute. Throwing the deadbolt and locking mommy out of the house with no keys, phone and in her ratty pajamas at 8:30 am was not cool. Nor were the resulting locksmith bill or the funny looks I got from the neighborhood parents and kids.

Dear Mickey, thanks for not destroying the place.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on April 05, 2016, 07:41:33 PM
Dear Rocky,

After lifelong pet ownership, you think I'd be accustomed to stepping in effluvia by now.  Truly, most pet body fluids don't bother me so much anymore.  However, must you lick the floor until it is slimy?  I'm not sure what the point of that activity is.  Surely the floor cannot taste that great.  Your saliva has an unusual viscosity and stickiness that makes it incredibly unpleasant to step in.  Did I mention you did this in the hallway outside my bedroom?  Can you not do that, ever, again?

Love,
The human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on April 13, 2016, 11:45:11 PM
Dear Rocky,
I'm sorry it was stormy tonight while I was at work.  I'm guessing, based on the smell, that as usual, you hid in the bathroom at the first sound of thunder, and that unusually, you spent the entire night farting in the bathroom.  What did you eat?  It smells like chemical warfare!
Love,
Your human.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on April 19, 2016, 10:58:59 PM
Dear Suzi

The reason you have a sore paw is that, for a second time, you've managed to rip a claw off.  This time, it's totally gone.  The vet and I both hope there's no fracture this time, but you seem to be managing now.

Please do not do whatever it is you do that causes this.  It causes pain for you, angst and missed work for me. 

At least this time you didn't need surgery...  and nor do I for all the nips you gave while I was trying to examine your toes.

Love as always

Mum, the Bitten One.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on April 21, 2016, 03:50:56 PM
Dear Rocky,

Yes, you probably should have been embarrassed when I caught you flailing around on your back like a lunatic.  Next time, maybe don't do it in the hallway?  You're too long to kick out your back legs without hitting the walls.  Incidentally, the bizarre thumping noises were what alerted me to your odd choice of recreational activity.

Love,
Human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: o_gal on April 22, 2016, 07:31:05 AM
Dear Xen,

Yes, we know that when your human pets go out of town you get stressed. But when I walk you, I only take 2 plastic bags to pick up your poop. Please don't make me regret not taking a third one. Your human pets will be back soon - you do not have to eat all the food, which makes you want to poop more. You will only get fed once a day like we were instructed. At least you are adorable enough when you know that since it's me walking you so I will feed you treats after the walk so you automatically go wait by the fridge.

Signed,
The Bacon Treat Lady
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 22, 2016, 08:52:26 AM
Dear minions:

What was with destroying yet another bed?  I was most displeased, which you all obviously knew, since you were cowering in various corners as I cleaned up the mess.

Yes, I can fix it.  But we move next week and I don't have time right now!  I'm going to have to make time or leave you little rotters bedless if you keep this up.

No love,
the new Alpha

(and don't you forget it)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on May 02, 2016, 11:32:56 AM
Dear Ariel,

The remote control can't hurt you, even if it's pointed at you. Also, if you don't like having a remote pointed at you, don't sit directly in front of the satellite receiver.

The person who sometimes wants to change the TV channel
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on May 02, 2016, 01:02:38 PM
Dear Sadie-girl
While you are much better than you were last week when you had your mini-seizure*, you need to still chill out and possibly remember that you are 14 years old not 4 years old.   (*technically not a stroke, but Idiopathic or “Old Dog” Vestibular Disease.  Plays merry havoc with balance and is like a combination of vertigo and constant sea-sickness.)
That said, you haven't really ever been allowed in the basement.  Mostly because the "toosie roll box" that is for the cats is off limits to you.  And you are especially should not try to go down the stairs while your balance is whacked out of control still. 
I am glad your walking is better and I don't have to do the "beach towel sling" to get you outside.  Gladder still that I don't have to pick your 50-pound butt up to go outside. 
But, sweet girl, you need to just relax in that nice bolster bed that my friend gave you.

- Love Mama (who darn near had a nervous breakdown before the vet told me what was going on at your appointment.)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on June 30, 2016, 01:27:46 PM
Dear Sadie-Dog;

Seriously, it's barely been two months since your last trip to the vet.  (see above)
So your scratching and itchiness has made it so you broke a blood vessel in your earflap.  Now your ear looks a bit like a puffed out pita bread.  And I can tell you are in pain since you are panting at weird times. 
The vet (new one at the same office) said that it was actually going to be fine but put you on a couple different pills to help with the inflammation and the general itchiness. And some eardrops that are antibiotic for both ears. 
You were very good and all the folks who gave you treats and petted up said that you had lovely manners.  But, Sweet Girl, I can't keep spending $150 every other month on these things. 
Oh, and yes, the very nice new vet said that the "Cone of Shame"TM does have to stay on at least 1 1/2 weeks if not 2 full weeks. It isn't me just being mean.  Stop giving us that look.

Love -
The Mama
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on June 30, 2016, 05:58:45 PM
Dear Rocky,
The cans of noms are for the mama cat and her kittens, not for already-slightly-overweight dogs.
Love,
The human who does love you enough to let you lick the cans afterward for a treat.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Phoebelion on June 30, 2016, 06:16:15 PM
Dear Skipper,

Thank you for being your normal I love everybody self at the new vet today.  I was extremely proud of you when you stepped up on the scale and sat.  You've never done that before.

They were glad to learn that  you are a 72 lb marshmallow, even when having your temp taken, the fatty tumor aspirated to confirm it is a fatty tumor, having your blood taken and thru all 3 shots.  No peanut butter or treats needed to get you to ignore what was being done to you. 

I was very happy with their demeanor and the fact that it was $200 less than your old vet.

Peanut better kong for you tonight.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on July 01, 2016, 01:30:31 AM
Dear stinky dogs

I don't care if it snows this weekend, you're having a bath and I'm clipping your butts.  Peeee-yew!

Sleeping with the Miasma Of Rank TM wrapped around my head each night is just Not On.

Love and nose pegs

your asphyxiated bed warmer
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: lovestoread on July 01, 2016, 04:29:23 AM
Dear Isaac,

We adopted you six weeks ago and it's been an absolute joy having you so far.  You've got a lovely nature and we're enjoying learning how to play with you.

However, we would love it if you didn't decide you had to go out for a pee at 5.30am every single morning, holding off for another 45 mins would be ideal.

It's extremely cute that you collect things and take them into your bed, and we don't mind at all.  However, when those items are books, we'd rather you didn't gnaw on them til you'd ripped the cover off.  Especially when I just started reading it the night before.

We know you're really tall and can reach the kitchen counters to swipe goodies from them.  That's why you're not allowed in the kitchen on your own.  When you're 'keeping us company' in the kitchen and we leave, and you try and innocently hang back.... we know what you're up to.   ;)

One last request would be that you stop eating chocolate.  I know that you love it, but it's not good for you, and we'd like to not have to keep contacting the small animal hospital / taking you to the vet for a check up.  We dealt with the packet of Jaffa Cakes (our bad, we forgot they were on the table).  However, the box of chocolates was for your grandpa for fathers day, and hidden away in a bag (which couldn't have been tasty, but i guess you had your eyes on the prize).  There's no real need to fish Hobnob wrappers out of the bin to lick them, we give you plenty of treats!

We're enjoying the battle of wits as you keep trying to eat all our snacks behind our backs... we'll keep the peanut butter kongs and denta flexes coming!

love,

Your humans
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on July 02, 2016, 08:35:41 PM
Dear stinky dogs

I don't care if it snows this weekend, you're having a bath and I'm clipping your butts.  Peeee-yew!

Sleeping with the Miasma Of Rank TM wrapped around my head each night is just Not On.

Love and nose pegs

your asphyxiated bed warmer

Oh yay, bath time - said no dog ever.

Mum, we love you but we will not forget this in a hurry.

Lovings and kisses,

the not so stinky ones.

ps cologne????  really!?!?!?

(Molly is lying on my bed, dripping wet.  This is after she's gone around the entire house shaking herself.  Suzi is currently sitting on the couch, giving me some serious stink-eye.)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: JadeAngel on July 04, 2016, 02:48:25 AM
Oh yay, bath time - said no dog ever.

Actually our old Golden Retriever Indy was very much 'Yay Bathtime!'

We had a walk in shower with no door and sometimes you would be lathering up your hair and find yourself nudged gently aside so she could sit under the spray...  ;D
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on July 05, 2016, 01:07:08 PM
Jack and Bailey -

I'm glad you like your new back yard - mommy loves it!!  But please stop harassing the dogs next door. Both are bigger than you (Jack) and loud!  Everyone in the neighborhood doesn't need to hear you play.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on July 06, 2016, 02:42:51 AM
Dear Zoe,

I know that your daughter is 4 months old now, and you think that you've done enough rearing her.  You did a fantastic job with your puppies.  The others are all in their new forever homes, and Nutmeg is staying for good.  However, she is not old enough to be trusted with the run of the house.  You usually sleep in the kitchen anyway, so surely it's not too much to ask you to sleep in there with your baby?  Please stop shouting at 3.30am to tell me that you are bored with babysitting!

Your sleepy foodgiver.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on July 06, 2016, 07:43:51 AM
Dear Zoe,

I know that your daughter is 4 months old now, and you think that you've done enough rearing her.  You did a fantastic job with your puppies.  The others are all in their new forever homes, and Nutmeg is staying for good.  However, she is not old enough to be trusted with the run of the house.  You usually sleep in the kitchen anyway, so surely it's not too much to ask you to sleep in there with your baby?  Please stop shouting at 3.30am to tell me that you are bored with babysitting!

Your sleepy foodgiver.

Dear Foodgiver,
You know how annoying the offspring are when they're that age?  They want to play all day and all night!  It's Chase Mama's Tail, Chew Mama's Ears, Bite Mama's toes, Bounce on Mama's head, all night long!  You'd shout too if it were you!

Love,
Mama dogs and cats
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on July 06, 2016, 09:42:31 AM
Dear Zoe,

I know that your daughter is 4 months old now, and you think that you've done enough rearing her.  You did a fantastic job with your puppies.  The others are all in their new forever homes, and Nutmeg is staying for good.  However, she is not old enough to be trusted with the run of the house.  You usually sleep in the kitchen anyway, so surely it's not too much to ask you to sleep in there with your baby?  Please stop shouting at 3.30am to tell me that you are bored with babysitting!

Your sleepy foodgiver.

 ;D ;D

I think you're right, and when I get up and open the kitchen door, Nutmeg is curled up in her bed with her most innocent "Who, me?" expression!
Dear Foodgiver,
You know how annoying the offspring are when they're that age?  They want to play all day and all night!  It's Chase Mama's Tail, Chew Mama's Ears, Bite Mama's toes, Bounce on Mama's head, all night long!  You'd shout too if it were you!

Love,
Mama dogs and cats
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: siamesecat2965 on July 19, 2016, 08:06:04 AM
Dear puppy niece and nephew;
Yes I know that overnight you have practically starved to death, and that when I get up, that's a sign for the first feeding of the day. However, your aunt doesn't do mornings well, and needs a bit of time once the alarm goes off, to wake up. So pelase stop the whining, crying, and carrying on to get me to get up, let you out, and feed you.

You won't die of hunger.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MissRose on July 26, 2016, 05:48:08 AM
Dear Banana,

I think you are the one getting into the garbage at my sister's place.  After all you are the only one who got a few streaks of hair dye on your snout from when your human mom did my hair color and put the dirty gloves and stuff in the garbage. Sorry, I don't think Loreal Feria does your white fur any good LOL!

Love,

Auntie Janet aka the bringer of treats
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on July 27, 2016, 03:10:27 AM
Dear Cheetah,

I know you love it when you stay with the Grandma-human, and she usually loves having you to stay.  You have realised that it's hard for her to get down the step to empty the kitchen bin into the dustbin outside.  It's very kind of you to help her with this task, but she actually finds it just as hard, and very frustrating, to pick all the rubbish off the floor when you've emptied the bin for her.

She who is getting it in the ear from her mother!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on July 27, 2016, 02:38:59 PM
Dear Wolfie:

I know you like carrots.  But why the heck do you like tomatoes?  And who knew your palate was so discerning?  You ate the two ripe ones but bit into and spit out the not quite ripe ones.  My fault for leaving them within dog reach but I thought a sharp 'Leave it!' was enough, since that's been working.

Duly noted - I'll make sure I put the harvest further up or take it right into the kitchen where you are not currently permitted.

The provider of treats and carrots.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on July 28, 2016, 08:36:38 AM
Thank goodness our plants are in a raised garden bed that they can only jump up to with extreme effort and not always successfully!  Or he'd be right in there.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Semperviren on July 28, 2016, 09:45:18 AM
Dear Lily,

I saw you smirk when the vet said you should rest as much as possible until the inflammation in your back goes down. It's the princess treatment you've been telling us you deserve your whole life- being lifted on and off the couch 3,549 times per day and being allowed to nap all you want.

Congratulations,
Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: KB on July 28, 2016, 11:14:47 PM
Dear Lily

I thought I was going to be lucky when the vet said that to me, too, but then she brought out a cage and I was stuck in it for a whole week! It was horrible. So be careful!

Patch
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on July 30, 2016, 04:42:40 PM
Bailey Boo - 

Please stop eating the sprinkler heads. We dos not own this house and daddy is tired of fixing them. Plus you don't need the plastic.

Jack Jack - leave the neighbor dog alone. You do not need to run over and bark at them every time you go out. It's annoying for us and them. One day they're gone to get fed up and try to eat you.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on July 31, 2016, 08:26:44 PM
Dear Suzi

The chickens and ducks do not need to be supervised, much less micro-managed.  I do appreciate that you're not chasing or scaring them, but honey-girl, they aren't doing anything wrong, so just leave them be, okay?

By the way, when Mr Duck comes running at you with his bill open and hissing, it means Leave Mrs Duck Alone. 

Lots of love,
Mum.

Dear Molly

I'm glad you're behaving around the chickens too.  Going back to bed because they're boring is a smart move.  Good girl!

Lots of love, Mum.

Dear Ella

Once you get back home the ducks and chooks will be locked up again.  I still haven't forgiven you for sneaking into the pen and killing Phyllis Diller. 

Not so much Love
Aunty Julian
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on August 07, 2016, 10:23:37 PM
Bailey -
I know you love having a back yard again. But be please stop running circles around Jack while he's trying to potty. Every time you make a lap he gets upset and has to find a new spot and star over. 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on August 17, 2016, 07:36:36 AM
Dear Robin,

I know that for most of your life you've had to cow-tow to the girls, and it's great that you now have a younger boy who will do what you tell him.  Believe me, he does want to do what you say, just as he has done for the past 2 years.  Yes, Socks is a grown up now, but he's still the biggest wimp I've ever come across, and he really is not threat to you. Nor does he have any desire to take over your harem.  Please stop glaring and posturing at him.


Dear Socks,

You might find life easier if you didn't rush gleefully up to Robin every time you see him.  I know you love him, but right now he doesn't think he loves you.

The Exasperated One.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on August 17, 2016, 10:54:20 AM
Dear Rocky,
I'm sorry I bought the salmon-flavored dog food this week.  While you like it quite a bit, so do the cats, and the cats are terrible people who steal your food.
Love,
The human
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on August 17, 2016, 07:48:02 PM
Dear Suzi

Today you have officially been sacked from your Chicken Mama gig, and have lost your chicken run privileges.  Firstly, you didn't come when I called you, secondly you kept harassing the ducks.  Mr Duck chased you because Mrs Duck is expecting babies.

Sweetie, you knew you were being naughty.  I know, because you wouldn't look me in the eye. 

Fortunately all the chickens and ducks are fine, but I think Mr Duck has your number now...

Disappointed love,
Mum
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on September 15, 2016, 12:49:58 PM
Dear Cimarron,

First off, it's sweet how well you're settling into your new (foster) home. It's also nice that you are getting your energy and playfulness back, even if that does mean that I had to puppy-proof the house after coming home to yarn all over the living room floor...

And, yes, I realize that your back is still itchy from the allergic reactions to all the fleas and ticks you had. The vet says that will clear up over time. And I suppose it's nice that you've discovered that you can scratch your back on the edge of the bed and that it feels good.

But, by all that's holy, could you *not* get up and scratch your back at 3AM? Being awakened by a happily moaning pit bull in the middle of the night is disconcerting, to say the least.

(Foster) Mom
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Chez Miriam on September 16, 2016, 06:09:18 AM
Dear Barki,

Please be not stealing neighbour lady's work gloves.

Please be not burying one of neighbour lady's work gloves.

If you could also see your way to cutting down on the barking, that would also be much appreciated.

Yours,

Neighbour Lady

p.s.  Would you please be returning the other two missing work gloves?  Thx
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BeagleMommy on September 16, 2016, 02:26:04 PM
Dear Beagle:

Even though I have no idea how you managed to get your head stuck in the sleeve of BeagleDaddy's gray sweater, thank you for the laugh.  When you started barking you looked like a miniature elephant and you made us both laugh so hard we had stomach pains.

Love,

BeagleMommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on September 22, 2016, 03:40:19 AM
Dear Nutmeg,

You are only 6 months old, but you are a clever little thing and certainly old enough to to work out that stairs can be dangerous.  I know that when you are at the top of the stairs and I come up it's fun because you can reach my face to give me slurps and kisses.  However if you miss when you hurl yourself at me, you are going to fall all the way down to the bottom.

Likewise, when I am walking down the stairs, weaving in and out of my legs really isn't a good idea.  You weigh 10kg. I weigh a whole lot more than that and I assure you it will hurt if I fall on top of you.  Bonus points if I'm carrying a load of washing and can't see you!

Love

She who would rather not squish you.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on September 22, 2016, 09:39:05 PM
Dear Nutmeg

If you do get stepped on or squished, make sure you yelp really, really loudly.  That way you can be sure of extra lovins and maybe even a treatie!

Love
Molly, Suzi and Ella.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on September 27, 2016, 04:23:51 AM
Dear Molly, Suzi and Ella,

I haven't been squished yet, but I am trying out a new idea.  I rush downstairs with a toy in my mouth and present it to her, by dropping it on the step just below her foot.   I think she likes that game, cos she keeps picking up the toys I put there and takes them back to the toy box so I can do it again!

Love
Nutmeg.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on September 28, 2016, 01:03:25 AM
Dear Nutmeg

That sounds like a really fun game!!  We might try it too. 

Love

Molly, Suzi and Ella.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on September 29, 2016, 02:53:28 AM
 >:D Yes, it is fun - you should really try it!  >:D

Nutmeg
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on October 06, 2016, 02:44:50 AM
Dear Nutmeg,

I know I left the door open to the room with the 'puter, which I don't usually do.  It was very clever of you to jump onto the keyboard and change the pictures on the screen.  You are obviously a very intelligent puppy, and want to educate your staff.  I'm writing this here, because you clearly read eHell when I'm not around.  How do I know?  The page you opened and left for me to read was one on the correct use of the semi-colon!

However, you lost all the brownie points gained for grammar, when you chewed my ethernet cable.
 
You amused and bemused Staff.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 06, 2016, 08:28:53 AM
Thank goodness our plants are in a raised garden bed that they can only jump up to with extreme effort and not always successfully!  Or he'd be right in there.

So much for that!  The four of them have all learned to jump up and have been 'shopping' in the tomatoes and the beans all summer.

The crazy dogs love carrots, beans, peas, tomatoes and would probably eat just about any other vegetable I give them if it looks like a treat.

No onion or garlic or unripe stuff.  Or avocados - according to the vet.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BeagleMommy on October 11, 2016, 10:59:43 AM
Dear Beagle,

BeagleDaddy took you outside to potty at 4:30 am.  It is not cool to bark at 5:00 am because he got up and went to the Evil Room Where Baths Happen and left you in the bedroom with me.  I get to sleep until 5:30 am and would appreciate it greatly if you could be a little more patient with BeagleDaddy.  He was finished within 15 minutes and then took you downstairs for breakfast.

Not cool, dude!

Love,

BeagleMommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on October 11, 2016, 02:10:37 PM
Captain Jack-
Not sure what got into you this morning, you know better than to potty in the house. You didn't even let mommy know you wanted out. Very disappointed - especially since the landlord are coming yoday and I only had time to pretreat your spots

Hoping your issues are over this afternoon
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on October 11, 2016, 04:59:14 PM
Dear Rocky,

Strange as it may be to have an eighty pound dog that is litter trained, I'm so glad you are.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: magicdomino on October 12, 2016, 09:43:20 AM
Dear Rocky,

Strange as it may be to have an eighty pound dog that is litter trained, I'm so glad you are.

Huh.  That's cool.  He must have learned it watching the cats.  "I wish the Goddess of Food would get here.  I hate having to "hold it."  The cats pee in the house all the time, and they don't get yelled at.  Hm, they always use those boxes.  Maybe if I go in the box, the Goddess of Food will think the cats did it."
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 12, 2016, 09:50:36 AM
I've heard about people training their dog to do their business in the tub or shower.  While still kind of gross, at least the clean up is easy!

I've accidentally locked my one cat somewhere there wasn't a litter box, more than once.  First time was the garage.  She used the newspaper recycle bin.  Second and third times, it was the bathroom.  She used the tub.  As much as she drives me crazy and there are days I want to make her into a pot of soup and a black and white fur stole (or set up a cage match between her and the dog I'd like to serve as shiska-dog some days), she is pretty smart.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: greencat on October 12, 2016, 12:02:30 PM
The first time, I had put a very large container (think an under-the-bed storage box) out as a litter box and filled it with pine-based litter, and it was near the back door.  Instead of demanding to go out he just went over to the box and used it...
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Chez Miriam on October 12, 2016, 01:34:47 PM
My aunt trained her great dane to use a spot in the garden - it was a hole dug out and filled with gravel, and she had a can of Jeyes Fluid [disinfects] next to it for the liquids, and she would scoop the solids...

So not litter box, but she didn't have to police the entire garden for massive poops.  We always thought he wasn't the brightest spark, but he must have been intelligent enough for that.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on October 19, 2016, 02:45:59 AM
Dear Socks and Amelia,

Leaving a bone in the kitchen doorway is a good way to remember where you have left it.  However you both got quite worried when I stepped on it and turned my ankle.  I'm sorry I scared you when I made all those strange noises, and then wouldn't let you, Socks, on the sofa with me because you bounced on my ankle.  Amelia you can stop looking smug - you curled up very small and didn't move, so you got to stay. 

Yes, I'm sorry that today your walk was a very short one because my ankle is puffy and interesting colours, but we'll get back to normal soon - except that bones are now garden toys only!

The hobbling one.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: miladyrose on October 19, 2016, 03:21:22 PM
Alex,

I'm glad that you like guarding me, but you don't have to growl when you hear the mailman on the porch. You would just run around and lick him if I let you outside anyway. Thanks for trying though.


<3,
 Mommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on December 06, 2016, 10:57:34 PM
Dear dogs,

Ariel, stop attacking Cimmy while I'm gone. Coming home to 2 blood-covered dogs is disturbing. And stop acting like the traumatized victim in all this. I know you're the instigator.

Cimmy- I'm sorry your ear hematoma popped. Ears *do* bleed, don't they? Just ignore Ariel when she gets into a mood.

Pelon - for a dog with terminal bone cancer, you're awfully unfazed by all this. Eating Ariel's food when she was distracted was kind of a low blow, though.

Lucas - have you even noticed the drama? You're the normal one in the house now, heaven help us!

All - my horrible schedule ends Thursday. Can we hold it together for 2 more days, and then I'll be home to supervise until January?

(Note: Everyone is fine. Cimmy had a hematoma on his ear that apparently popped when he and Ariel got into another kerfluffle. The Vet warned me it would look like a murder scene if that happened. It did. Other than that, it's minor cuts and bruises. Ariel is a drama queen.)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BeagleMommy on December 07, 2016, 11:40:26 AM
Dear Beagle:

Thanks you for being such a good host when Auntie Fran visited with Harley last month (Harley is a golden retriever).  I know he's bigger than you and was quite skittish about being in a strange place, but you made him feel very welcome.  There was only one time that the two of you snapped at each other, but you were good boys for the majority of the weekend.

I also think it is very sweet that you try to walk over to any golden retriever we meet while walking now.  You miss your buddy, don't you?

Love,

BeagleMommy
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Phoebelion on December 07, 2016, 12:04:42 PM
Dear Skipper,

I am so concerned about your jaw paralysis.  Hope it corrects itself in the 1 to 3 week range instead of the 9 week.

I will also be happy not to constantly mope the drool and slurry food and water off the kitchen and hard wood floors.  Thanks for helping me up when I slipped and fell.  Or were you laughing at me.

The one who pays the vet bills
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on December 12, 2016, 09:30:30 PM
Bailey and Jack -

You only had to stay at the puppy hotel for 2 nights and mommy brought toys and blankie and I know they gave you treats. Please stop acting like you were a ended and starved for weeks on end. You are not the dad puppies on tv.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on December 21, 2016, 06:22:57 AM
Dear Nutmeg,

Thank you for telling me that you got shut outside the front door yesterday.  It was clever of you to shout until I worked out where you were and let you in.  However, you know that you aren't allowed to go through the front door without your lead on. Back door is fine, front door is not. That door opens practically onto the street and once outside, you are only 3 feet away from the moving cars.  You must have slipped round me when I came in with all the shopping bags.  You've never done that before.  Please don't do it again. 

Despite you justifiably telling me off for shutting you out, I think you were a bit scared.  You needed lots of cuddles when you came in.

Love

Provider of cuddles, whose blood pressure is almost back to normal now.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on December 21, 2016, 08:12:00 AM
Dear Crash:

Don't you remember last week when you climbed up on the chair and onto the table and scarfed down a pound of butter?  And then were really, really sick?  Didn't you learn your lesson, doofus?  Stay off the dang table!

Dear Crash, Wolfie and Spike:

Puggie is now looking after Pretty Boy, her week old puppy.  And snarls at you when you get too close.  So why on earth do you keep getting too close?  Leave her alone when she's with Pretty Boy, you dumb bacon-fed knaves.

The one who is trying to instill discipline and failing...
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on December 22, 2016, 05:11:43 PM
Dear Dogs

I thought I was going to have a lovely easy day today - the calm before the Christmas storm, so to speak.  But no, you had different ideas...

I am used to the doggy kisses each morning to wake me up, but Suzi, when you kissed me this morning all I could taste was garden soil.  What the everloving heck?  Then I sat up, looked around and nearly cried.

(http://i1292.photobucket.com/albums/b578/jayendee1/IMG_0470_zpsgdsykfyn.jpg) (http://s1292.photobucket.com/user/jayendee1/media/IMG_0470_zpsgdsykfyn.jpg.html)

(http://i1292.photobucket.com/albums/b578/jayendee1/IMG_0471_zpsr1va1fjb.jpg) (http://s1292.photobucket.com/user/jayendee1/media/IMG_0471_zpsr1va1fjb.jpg.html)

Instead of just a casual visit with a friend, I now have to do laundry, remake the bed and bath you both.  Did you read that correctly?  Yes, BATH.  Both of you.  You're covered in mud, filthy, smelly little grots and I am not taking you to visit Auntie Wilma and Uncle Fred for Christmas, covered in muck.

Suck it up, buttercups, you both earned it.

Love
Mum
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 27, 2016, 11:25:32 AM
Dear adorable Basset Neighbor of my mom,
I know you were bred to hunt, but please don't scare your mommy anymore by coming inside with something in your mouth, and only two tiny feet dangling out. And when mommy tries to remove said thing, let her.

(Neighbor told me this story yesterday and i laughed like a loon)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on January 04, 2017, 12:59:51 PM
Dear Sadie-dog,
Yes, DH has a very bad cold so I am sleeping in the spare room.  Yes, you get to sleep with me.  (on the bed, no less)
However, due to the VERY cold temperatures this week, the cats are also sleeping upstairs.  It's allowed. 
Please stop nudging me when you hear them make a noise or they come into the back bedroom with us.
Also please note that waking the mama at 3 in the morning to go outside and then pausing during the crucial "finding the perfect spot" makes me wonder if you needed to do anything.  No, going outside to sniff the frigid air with the gusts of wind instead of doing your business is not making me happy. 
Added bonus, being woke up 15 minutes before my 5AM alarm will only make me crankier.

- the one muttering under the blankets.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: TracyXJ on January 04, 2017, 02:39:13 PM
Dear Dabo,

The really expensive antler we bought you for Christmas is a chew toy.  Please, use it to your hearts content.  Enjoy it like crazy.  Steal your brother's if you must.  Even have a go at the 2 ugly chairs that my MIL "rescued" from the trash because she knows her baby boy wants wingbacks and these just need to be recovered (then discover that they came from a smokers home).

But the carpet on the basement stairs is not for chewing!  It was bad enough when you took a little off the edges of the stairs.  But now and entire tread is torn off and the pad underneath.  And I know you'll be leaving us a little present down there tomorrow to clean up when it makes you sick.  And of course you do this just before we have an appraiser coming to see about extending our HELOC you dang crazy dog!!!! 

We're planning to someday replace that carpet, but that was 5 or 10 years from now!  When you're nothing but a fond memory and the human babies aren't making such messes.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on January 04, 2017, 11:03:18 PM
Captain Jack. -

It's snow. It's not cold - not frozen acid. Deal with it please

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on January 11, 2017, 09:08:53 AM
Dear Amelia & Zoe,

You are whippets.  Whippets are hounds.  Hunting little furries is what you do.  Every walk we go on you spend most of the time looking for bunnies and squirrels.  So, why, by all that's holy, when I show you the corner where I saw a mouse 10 seconds ago, do you both look blankly at me and go back to the sofa?

Signed
The exasperated one who must be feeding you too much!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: tiff019 on January 12, 2017, 12:56:29 PM
Dear Puppy (yes that's her name),

It is cold, windy and wet outside. You do not NEED to go lay in the mud and obsess over the neighbor's dog. In fact you don't need to obsess over the neighbor's dog at all... but I've accepted that it's just what you do. Please stay inside where it's warm and comfy and with me :D Silly dingus!

Love,
the giver of treats, belly rubs, and much of my half of the bed.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: magicdomino on January 12, 2017, 03:49:40 PM
Dear Amelia & Zoe,

You are whippets.  Whippets are hounds.  Hunting little furries is what you do.  Every walk we go on you spend most of the time looking for bunnies and squirrels.  So, why, by all that's holy, when I show you the corner where I saw a mouse 10 seconds ago, do you both look blankly at me and go back to the sofa?

Signed
The exasperated one who must be feeding you too much!

Dear Goddess of Food,

Whippets are sighthounds.  We have to see something move before we chase it.  Please place the furry creature in the middle of the floor, and we will be happy to chase it under the sofa.

With much love,

Amelia and Zoe 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on January 17, 2017, 09:56:34 AM
Dear Amelia & Zoe,

You are whippets.  Whippets are hounds.  Hunting little furries is what you do.  Every walk we go on you spend most of the time looking for bunnies and squirrels.  So, why, by all that's holy, when I show you the corner where I saw a mouse 10 seconds ago, do you both look blankly at me and go back to the sofa?

Signed
The exasperated one who must be feeding you too much!

Dear Goddess of Food,

Whippets are sighthounds.  We have to see something move before we chase it.  Please place the furry creature in the middle of the floor, and we will be happy to chase it under the sofa.

With much love,

Amelia and Zoe

 ;D

Yes, you are right.  You are sight hounds.  I know you run around trees looking for squirrels because that's where you expect to find squirrels.  Thankfully, you don't expect to find mice in the kitchen.  It still would have been nice if you had at least looked for it!

She who is still feeding you despite your inability to comprehend mice in the house!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on January 24, 2017, 09:30:18 AM
Dear Louie and Bear,

You are being very good babies. However, you really don't need to scream every time someone walks by. Especially since Louie is in the Cone of Shame and can't see anything anyway!

Love,

The Dogsitter
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on January 25, 2017, 09:52:23 AM
Dear Louie and Bear,

You are being very good babies. However, you really don't need to scream every time someone walks by. Especially since Louie is in the Cone of Shame and can't see anything anyway!

Love,

The Dogsitter

Dear Dogsitter,

There's even more need to scream when someone goes by if I can't see what's happening.  Bear thinks these folks need screaming at, so they must be dangerous trespassers, and if I can't see them, I've got to believe him and back him up.

Love
Louie
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: BeagleMommy on January 25, 2017, 03:22:50 PM
Dear Beagle,

I know you have a love for tato chips, but it was very impolite to climb on top of the dining room table and stick your face into the chip bowl to feast while BeagleDaddy and I were entertaining our guests.  You ate the salsa as well and don't try to deny it!  The confused, sad puppy face you gave when I had to dump the chip bowl into the trash can did not sway my decision.

Love,

She Who Brings the Tato Chips
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: wheeitsme on January 30, 2017, 04:01:32 PM
Dear Dodger,

This morning was not wet-willy-wWednesday.  Your daddy does not appreciate your celebration of it on Wednesdays, much less 6am on a Monday.

Love the belly-scratcher
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: JadeAngel on January 30, 2017, 10:37:43 PM
Dear Scout,

We'd like to take this opportunity to apologise for telling you to shut it when you went to Defcon #1 at three-o-clock in the morning, as it turns out you were only trying to warn us about the stranger who was wandering about on the front porch. Luckily he wasn't harmful, just a little confused about where he lived and under the mistaken impression that we had agreed to buy him a beer. The nice policemen have taken him away now to have a nice lie down until he feels better, but belatedly we'd like to say good job! Well done! Good doggy!

Regards,

The Management
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 31, 2017, 08:05:29 AM
Well done, Scout!

Dear Finnegan:

AKA Monsieur Fusspot.  For whom cold food just will.not.do!  It must be room temperature, at least, or preferably warm.  Little stinker...  More work.  While we will miss you terribly, I'm kind of glad you'll be heading to your new family on the 25th.

(Finnegan is a 7 week old Sweenie - Shih Tzu/dachshund cross.  Adorable but a handful!  Last puppy for us; we're getting his mama spayed once he leaves.)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on February 02, 2017, 08:33:36 AM
Dear Nutmeg,

I know all youngsters can't wait until they can get their own phone, but I am not getting one for a 10 month old puppy!  I know I was late home, but only about 10 minutes, so you had no need to call for help.  Thank goodness, your chewing managed to put a # in between the 99 and the last 9 otherwise I might have had a real shock when I got home.  You have hundreds of toys.  Please play with them and not the phone.

Maybe you were emulating your father who stole Grandma Human's emergency alert button when she was out shopping, so she came back to find her emergency key holder searching the house for her.  She didn't appreciate his efforts any more than I enjoyed your phone experiments!

The food lady

(That phone has now been moved!)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on February 09, 2017, 03:01:38 AM
Dear Socks,

It's a new sofa. That's all it is.  Now it's in place and has your familiar rugs on it you quite like it.  The world did not stop spinning while we took the old one out, shampooed the carpet and put the new one in place.  There was not need to velcro yourself to my leg while all this was happening*.  The girls thought it was great fun finding the treasures that had been lost under the sofa.  I know you don't like things being different, and I'm sorry we upset your world.  You can unstick yourself now, really you can.

The provider of cuddles on the new sofa.

*I'm not sure which is worse, trying to move furniture with a 20 inch dog stuck to your shin, or trying to work while he howls in another room because he's not allowed to stick himself to the said leg!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MissRose on February 25, 2017, 12:02:14 PM
Dear Coco,

You had your dog biscuit earlier in the day.  There was no need to steal your grandma Akita's doggie biscuit just because she had not started to eat it immediately after she got back in the house from a car ride.  Good thing I was able to get the bone from you and return it to your grandma who went to other room to enjoy it.

Love

"Auntie" Rose
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Bellantara on April 03, 2017, 07:46:57 PM
Dear Bruja:

You do pitiful face very well, truly you do. We're expecting a casting call from the ASPCA any day. What you don't understand is that Auntie Bella talks to Tio Roberto and to Mamma, and knows very well when you've been fed! Nice try, though.

Love,
Auntie Bella.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on April 03, 2017, 10:32:12 PM
Captain Jack-

I know you hate being boarded but you do not do well on long car trips and we we don't impose on hosts when staying in their homes. We were only gone 3 days and you were with Miss  Bailey - there was no Reston to make a nasty mess in your kennel today while mommy was at work.

And yes, you needed that bath
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RevMaxx on April 05, 2017, 04:39:46 PM
Dear Ti, The Chi-man,

You were always so ornery and the most affection-needy little dog, having to be looped on my left arm at least eight hours a day.  Tho The Marquessa is on my right arm, it's only been 2 days and its an empty feeling.  It sucks we had to put you down, my Sweet, softest "cheesy-smile" Boy.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on April 06, 2017, 02:57:01 AM
{{{{Hugs}}}}  :'(
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: RevMaxx on April 09, 2017, 03:25:08 PM
Thank you, Gladly.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MissRose on April 10, 2017, 07:16:29 AM
Dear Coco,

Do dogs have springs in their hind legs?  Apparently you must have them built in LOL unless you are using a trampoline to jump over the other dogs when I come into the house.

Love,

Auntie Rose aka the bringer of dog treats
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mad Goat Woman on April 10, 2017, 05:17:42 PM
Dear Toots, Clooney, Ned, Lilley, and Dot:

I get it that it's your nature to round up sheep-- you're all border collies. However, three of you are incredibly naughty and caused me no end of grief this morning while on your morning run through the neighbour's place.

Dot: you're a young, adorable puppy, but chasing sheep and not coming back when I toot the horn on the quad bike, is not okay.

Cloon: you should know a bit better than your sister. Good job bringing the sheep to me, but you should've come when I called you.

Toody: you're impossible. I love you, and I know you're desperate to work, but please, learn to come when we call your name.

Love,

Your other human who gives you running time when the main human isn't here.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: MissRose on May 16, 2017, 06:28:45 AM
Dear Kita,

You were such a good girl on Sunday when your human parents brought you over to see your human grandparents & aunt.  I had no idea you liked carrots, and yes I know you are a big time beggar.  I'll let it slide as you are a senior citizen in dog years. Next time your human mom leaves food in the car that she intends to bring in & share with your fellow canine companions in the house, do not consume it the moment she gets out of the car for a few minutes. 

Love,

Auntie Rose aka a provider of treats & occasional table scrap
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on May 17, 2017, 05:25:27 AM
Dear Socks and Robin,

Socks - Nutmeg has gone to stay with Auntie Pat for a couple of weeks because she is having her first season and is too "interesting" at the moment.  No amount of searching through the house and garden will find her.  She is not here.  Not eating won't bring her back any sooner either.  Finally, telling me that you absolutely have to go out at 3 am will not mean that she has magically appeared in the garden, and your failure to do anything other than search every inch of the place does not make me more likely to believe you the next night.  Knock it off!

Robin - you are being a very good boy.  You knew she wasn't "ready", so didn't make any fuss.  I could swear you are twirling your moustaches and humming "Thank Heaven for Little Girls".  It won't work.  You are not having her.  She's your grand daughter for Pete's sake!

The sleep deprived one
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: gingerzing on May 17, 2017, 11:41:24 AM
Darn it Sadie-dog!!
Chocolate is bad for dogs.  And even if it wasn't, eating DH's chocolate peanut butter cupcake was really UNCOOL.  Eating the cupcake and the paper liner?  Mama is not impressed.

To be fair, part of the blame lies on DH for leaving it out in the living room on the tv tray where you can reach.

But still. 
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Mad Goat Woman on May 18, 2017, 04:26:06 AM
Oy, Dotty you naughty puppy.

I get it. You're a highly-bred working Border Collie who really wants to work sheep all.the.time. I completely get it.

What I don't like is when, after all my efforts today to *avoid* fishing you out of the sheep, you still went ahead and had to be picked up, put on the quad bike, and then let go when we were far enough off from the sheep in their paddock for me to feel I could trust you to let you down.

You were great until we reached that gate, and then you were naughty. It's a good thing you're so stinking cute.

Love,

The slightly amused, half-annoyed human that looks after you and lets you snuggle with her.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: GreenHall on May 18, 2017, 07:07:17 AM
My grandmother's Sheltie would herd her grandchildren.... it was adorable!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: AliciaLynette on May 18, 2017, 01:20:26 PM
Our Patterdale terrier would herd us, when we were walking as a group.  He'd run ahead a bit, then circle round behind us to make us hurry up before dashing off ahead again!
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Winterlight on May 18, 2017, 04:19:50 PM
My friend's border collie would try to herd the Shetland Sheepdogs. And the cat. Nobody appreciated it.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on May 18, 2017, 09:17:54 PM
Jack and Bailey,

It's just snow. Jack, I know how much you hate it it'll be gone in a day or two.

Bailey, I know how much you love it. But rolling around in it and getting soaking wet doesn't do any good for the hardwood floors.

 Let's do our business and come back in
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Julian on May 28, 2017, 11:55:21 PM
Dear Misty

You're fitting in so well with Molly and Suzi dear, I'm so glad!  And you were so good at the vet's office yesterday too.  All up you're the sweetest little doggy and I adore you!

Now, one thing I must talk to you about...  bedtime.  You know - that time when I say 'bedtime!', let you out for a pee, and then we all get in the Big Comfie Bed (TM) and go to sleep.  Oops, sorry, we don't all go to sleep.

You would rather slide under the covers, claw your way down to the bottom of the bed, slide out from under the covers and then jump up at the top of the bed and tapdance on my head for a bit.  Repeatedly.

Sweetie, it's getting OLD.  If you don't start to get it soon you will be relegated to the <shame!> dog bed.  In the <horror!!!> lounge room.  Seriously dear.  I need some sleep!

Love and grumps

New Mum

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on June 18, 2017, 05:05:44 PM
Dear Bailey -

I know you think we feed Jack more than you but truth is, you get twice as much as him. But - you gobble yours down super fast and he eats his a bit at a time. Just because there's food left in his bowl does t mean I fed him more or that he doesn't want it. You are not allowed to eat Jack's food 

Love Mommy
(She that feeds you both)
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on July 27, 2017, 03:02:13 AM
Dear Robin,

I wish you could tell me what you did to make your neck hurt so much.  I came home yesterday and your bouncy, shouty greeting, went bounce-shout-ouch! You keep asking me to make the hurt go away, and I feel awful that I can't.  We'll go to the vet this afternoon and see if she can refer you to a canine osteopath, and maybe she can give you something stronger that I've got to make it hurt less.

In the mean time, take it easy old man, and stop trying to run around with the youngsters!

Your worried Mum.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Dr. F. on August 03, 2017, 07:28:17 PM
Dear Cimmy,

We've discussed this before. Mommy's purse is not, repeat NOT, a toy. I know sometimes I forget and leave it hanging on a chair, but that's no excuse. But this time? Getting into the purse, pulling out my wallet, opening it and then frisking up to me with a $20 bill in your mouth, asking to play tug-of-war with it? Oh no. Nononononono. At least you've finally learned the "Drop It" command. I hope the toothmarks don't bother anyone I pay with it.

Your Mommy who has decided that you're staying.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: andi on August 03, 2017, 09:50:40 PM
 Bailey and Jack,

 I'm not sure which one of you did it, but we do not tee tee in mommy's bedroom. That is a no. You both know to go potty outside.

Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: JadeAngel on August 04, 2017, 12:39:46 AM
Dear Scout,

Those were brand new Italian leather gloves!

That being said, we really shouldn't have left them on the floor.

Please stick to chewing your toys in future.

Kind Regards,
The Management
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on August 17, 2017, 03:02:44 AM
Dear Amelia,

You and your brother are going to stay with Auntie Pat on Saturday while the non-furries go on holiday. You both love being there and playing with her dogs.   The others are going to Auntie Melanie's. I know you didn't do it on purpose, but why did you decide to come into season now of all times - a good month and a half early?  Now we have 48 hours to make different arrangements - both groups include a boy dog and both Pat and Melanie have boy dogs of their own, so you aren't making things easy. 

Your frustrated Mum.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: CrochetFanatic on August 18, 2017, 08:06:35 PM
Dear Daisy,

I don't have night vision, so when you sleep on the floor please try to find a place with little to no foot traffic.  Also, I'm sorry for blinding you with the hallway light, but I think you'd prefer that to being stepped on.

Love,
CrochetFanatic
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Fenland Fairy on August 20, 2017, 05:28:01 PM
Elsa, you don't need to howl/yodel when your Dad takes your sister and brother out for their walks.  He will take you out afterwards and hasn't forgotten about you ;D.

Have three Irish Setters of which one, Spice is ball mad, carries her tennis ball whilst walking.  Rusty who has his nose to the ground scenting out "prey" rabbits, game birds etc.   Elsa is our youngest and loves everyone and thinks the world revolves around her and has perfected the Dowager Countess of Grantham look/snort when she doesn't get her way! Which is often.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on November 14, 2017, 09:57:56 AM
Dear Robin,

Yes, we were all pleased to get home last night after a 7.5 hour journey.  I know you have to check that everything is in its proper place in the house and garden immediately, and I know that it was ungrateful to react the way I did when you ran back into the house with the gift you found for me. However it was a bit of a surprise to be presented with a still-twitching rat while I was unpacking the bags!

You are a very clever boy, and I agree that the garden is a better place without the rat. Can we do a deal? I'll try not to squeak and shout for Daddy next time you find a present for me, if you warn me next time before dropping it at my feet?

The furless one who is having to put up with DH's teasing.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Nikko-chan on November 21, 2017, 11:17:33 PM
Dear Jasper:

Just because I yawned does not mean we are going to bed.

Sincerely,

The not even tired one.
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Lady Snowdon on November 24, 2017, 07:01:51 PM
Dear Smokey,

You're getting old, my pet, and your people have decided that your regular boarding place isn't the greatest idea for you for a whole week.  It's just too much excitement and running and playing.  You were so sore last time you came back from there that I honestly thought for a few hours that you might be dying!  So we're looking into having someone board you at their house while we're gone for Christmas.  We're meeting with her and her dogs on Sunday - please be a sweet, well behaved dog so she agrees to watch you! 

Love,

The person who you wake up in the morning
Title: Re: Dear Dog:
Post by: Gladly on December 12, 2017, 06:04:52 AM
Dear Zoe,

It's snow.  It happens from time to time.  The other dogs think it's fantastic fun.  I can't make it any less cold or any less wet, so please stop glaring at me every time I force ask you to go outside.  I will stay outside with you until you do what is necessary.  We would both be back in the warm much quicker if you stopped trying to get in through the closed door and did what I know you need to do!

[not much] Love,

The cold staff