Etiquette Hell

A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. Guests, register for forum membership to see all the boards. => Time For a Coffee Break! => Topic started by: WildChild@Heart on October 13, 2009, 09:25:29 PM

Title: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: WildChild@Heart on October 13, 2009, 09:25:29 PM
Dear Cat (Picasso)

Yes, I love you. Yes, you are incredibly cute. Yes, I have probably spoiled you a bit. But your latest new habit is not cute. I don't know how you learned to open the dresser drawers. Or why you have decided that ransacking my lingerie is so much fun, but please, stop. It's kinda weird having a cat with a lingerie fetish and I'm tired of having to lint roll and refold all my undergarments everyday.

Love Momma
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Friday on October 13, 2009, 10:37:30 PM
Dear Ariel - I know that you really, really love momma's gloves with the rabbit fur trim.  And yes, I know that it's quite clever that you manage to get them out of the pockets of my coat, when I put them deep in the pockets and turn the coat over.  However, they are my favorites, and I bought them from a street vendor in italy so I cannot get anymore - please leave them alone... I'll buy you any other toy, I promise.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Black Delphinium on October 13, 2009, 10:39:14 PM
Dear Maya,

Yes, you are so cute. And we really do love you. But Mommy and Daddy time is not for kitties. Please to be getting out of the bedroom. You weird Daddy out.

Love,
 Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Shoo on October 13, 2009, 11:01:24 PM
Dear Bella Kitty,
Please stop trying to kill me.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: hulachick on October 13, 2009, 11:07:05 PM
Dear Kitty I and Kitty II-
I know the fishy are fascinating but they really do not enjoy being chased around the tank.
Also, I know Mama looks cold in the morning but she doesn't need a kitty draped across her neck to warm up, especially since she  can't manage to keep the fur out of her mouth.
Lastly, Mama cannot afford anymore ipod earbuds, please stop chewing on them (where are you even finding them, I keep hiding them?).
Lots of smooches,
Mama
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Miss Vertigo on October 14, 2009, 02:31:06 AM
Dear Weedster,

Please not to be doing things in the tray in the middle of the night that are so gross they actually wake me up from two rooms away. Please to be holding it until the morning when I let you out.


Dear Leo,

Stop trying to kill your brother. Understandable, after that, but still.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: HollysCats on October 14, 2009, 04:27:55 AM
Dear Kitties,

Together, the two of you weigh less than 30 pounds.  How is it that you manage to occupy 95% of a queen-sized bed?

Love, Holly
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: M-theory on October 14, 2009, 04:32:32 AM
Dear Monica,

While the facepats are very endearing, I prefer them without claws.

Love,
Civil Disobedience
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bigozzy on October 14, 2009, 06:03:09 AM
Dear Luigi-cat

Sitting close to son while he lies on the the floor and then passing wind was probably not intentional but he did change colour.

Dear Son

Cats do not understand revenge. Having your brother hold down luigi-cat so you can fart on him is not acceptable.

By the way, I was snorting with anger not laughing when I came across the above.

Bigozzy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Katharos on October 14, 2009, 08:13:16 AM
Dear Tama,

You are such a sweet kitty. I love how it's only been 9 days since I adopted you but you've already accepted me as your "mommy". I especially love seeing you in the front window waiting for me to get home from work. However, I don't like your mouth. All you do is talk! I've never had a kitty who talked so much. You're driving me crazy! I'm going to have to figure out how to soundproof a room that I can shove you in when you start trying to talk to me at 5 in the morning. Mommy needs to sleep until at least 6. Please, please let me sleep until then before you start trying to talk to me about all the exciting things you did during the night that I already know about because you woke me up several times while you were doing them. Mommy can't sleep during the day the way you do.


Love,
Katharos
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: KitFox on October 14, 2009, 08:30:33 AM
Dear Val and Bear,

I know you love me and want to be with me every second I'm home, but you don't need to climb up my legs. If you sit on the floor in front of me and ask nicely I'll pick you up and cuddle you. Please stop climbing up my bare flesh. Your claws are sharp and I don't need anymore scars. Thank you.

Love, Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: O'Dell on October 14, 2009, 09:12:37 AM
Dear Gomez,

I will feed you as I do every morning after my alarm goes off. You are not starving, and your histrionics will not get you canned food any earlier. So knock it off!

TIA
Sway
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MasterofSquirrels on October 14, 2009, 09:34:40 AM
Dear Nikko,
You are not a dog, and mice are not toys.. so please be a cat and deal with them appropriately. let me outline what that means:  1) if you catch one. kill it. do not let it go because you are bored with it.
                  2) bringing up the mouse in the mouse trap does not count.
                  3) Please, when you do kill a mouse, don't leave it where i can step on it. it's really gross.  :-X
                  4) Please, kill the mouse outside the bedroom. i really don't like it when you chase mice into my shoes.

I know the dog eats your food. i am sorry about that. i try. but you don't have to voice your displeasure at 3am.. and at 4am.. and again at 6am.. you will get fed. i promise. and by the look of you, you aren't starved! Also, you are an inside kitty.. yes all of your ends are pointy, but you cannot survive outside. i love you, but you are not a smart kitty, and we live in the country...those Tom cats that come around will eat you. if they don't, the coyotes will.. or bobcats...or foxes. and besides, you don't like how the grass feels on your feet. stop trying to escape. thank you

i love you very much.. now put your tounge back in your mouth.. wierdo..i love you much!
mom.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: thebeckster on October 14, 2009, 01:37:33 PM
Dear Baxter,

You will not die from thirst overnight. We leave the tub running (as ordered) and you have your water dish. You do not need both during the night. Please do not wake me because the tub has stopped running, because if I get up at 4:00 in the morning again to turn on the water and all you do is stare at the prettiness running out of the tap, someone will be sorry.

You have been warned.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Sabbyfrog2 on October 14, 2009, 01:45:14 PM
Dear Luigi-cat

Sitting close to son while he lies on the the floor and then passing wind was probably not intentional but he did change colour.

Dear Son

Cats do not understand revenge. Having your brother hold down luigi-cat so you can fart on him is not acceptable.

By the way, I was snorting with anger not laughing when I came across the above.

Bigozzy

But I was snorting with laughter!

He didn't really do that did he?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on October 14, 2009, 02:06:38 PM
Dear Luigi-cat

Sitting close to son while he lies on the the floor and then passing wind was probably not intentional but he did change colour.

Dear Son

Cats do not understand revenge. Having your brother hold down luigi-cat so you can fart on him is not acceptable.

By the way, I was snorting with anger not laughing when I came across the above.

Bigozzy

But I was snorting with laughter!

He didn't really do that did he?

ita
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bigozzy on October 14, 2009, 02:28:16 PM
Dear Luigi-cat

Sitting close to son while he lies on the the floor and then passing wind was probably not intentional but he did change colour.

Dear Son

Cats do not understand revenge. Having your brother hold down luigi-cat so you can fart on him is not acceptable.

By the way, I was snorting with anger not laughing when I came across the above.

Bigozzy

But I was snorting with laughter!

He didn't really do that did he?

ita



Yup. Very true I am afraid.

I also got a row for calling the cat stupid.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Sabbyfrog2 on October 14, 2009, 02:56:36 PM
Dear Luigi-cat

Sitting close to son while he lies on the the floor and then passing wind was probably not intentional but he did change colour.

Dear Son

Cats do not understand revenge. Having your brother hold down luigi-cat so you can fart on him is not acceptable.

By the way, I was snorting with anger not laughing when I came across the above.

Bigozzy

But I was snorting with laughter!

He didn't really do that did he?

ita



Yup. Very true I am afraid.

I also got a row for calling the cat stupid.

Sorry but...

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: utkvolfan on October 14, 2009, 04:41:01 PM
Dear Bandit,

Just because Meowmy and Arwen are having lunch, does not mean that you get lunch. You get fed breakfast and dinner. You do not need canned food at lunchtime. This is not the military - you do not get 3 square meals a day. Suck it up and eat the dry food that is out all the time.

Love,

Meowmy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Kimblee on October 14, 2009, 05:07:24 PM
Dear Alphonse,

Yes baby, i know you're a girl. you DID have five litters of kittens to prove that to me. no, I am not changing your name. oh, and about this five litters. I REALLY am sorry about that. The vet would not perform the darned proceedure while you were preggy, and you kept getting preggy before you weaned the previous litter. Honestly, you are a kitty ho. but I love you. I'm so glad you're fixed now though. You're getting fat and I've always wanted that for you. please stop trying to eat my body butter though.

I know you loved your kittens, and i know you have never quite forgiven me for sacrifficing them to the evil metal animals in the street, but I assure you, they are in a better place* So please, stop trying to nurse the guinea pigs/chihuahuas/amigurumis. First, you have no milk. Second, none of the things you present your bewbs to WANT your milk. So cut it out.

I know you are nervious in this new house. So i am so glad you are finally popping out occasionally. But also, stop trying to give kisses to the new doggies. they are a little creeped out.

Lovles,

Kimmie-mama

Dear Missy,

You are my dad's cat. that means you should go force your love on HIM. I love you, but getting french kissed by a cat is rather odd.

Also, stop licking my eyelids.

Love,

Kim




*(forever homes... I just realized it sounded like i threw kittens into the path of cars... I didn't. i found a good home for every last kitten. It was the least i could do, after not being able to get her fixed in good time.)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Bluenomi on October 14, 2009, 05:17:32 PM
Dear Miss Isis,

I know you love cuddles, especially since Daddy is away and you have me to yourself. But please if you want one don't stand on me. Certain part of mummy are a bit tender at the moment and you putting all your weight on them hurts like buggery. Plus it blocks me view of the tv. Lying down is fine and much more comfortable for both of us.

Love Mummy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MsCopper on October 14, 2009, 09:15:51 PM
Dearest Jezebel.

 I love you. I love that you love to follow me everywhere I go. But for once I would like to use the bathroom, take a shower, walk to the kitchen, e.t.c without you following and tripping me. Your yowling at the door every time I close it breaks my heart. I don't follow you and stare while you utilize the litter box I would appreciate the same courtesy. You'd think after 16 years I'd be used to it.

Love and scritches.
Mama
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Cutenoob on October 15, 2009, 04:18:08 AM
Dear Fuzzy,

I love you.  You should know that by now, because you've trained me to open doors for you and to give you treats when you're good.  I do need to ask you a favor. Please to not bring mices in any more.  I know you're a huntress, and that last mice was HUGE.  I am sure you brought it in to say, "Momma I missed you here's a pressie" but that's not one I can use easily.

Please to take mices outside from now on, and I promise you will still get lots of scritches, belly rubs and TREETS! from me.

Love,
Momma
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Miss Vertigo on October 15, 2009, 04:27:09 AM
Dear Weedster,

I know I've put on a few pounds over the last few years, but while my fingers may look like sausages, they are not actually sausages. Please, therefore, refrain from trying to eat them. They are not food.

Also, after a visit to the litter tray, scraping the wall in an attempt to cover it up won't accomplish much. Really, it won't. I'd have hoped you'd have figured this out after eleven years.

Love,
Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: hampatnat on October 15, 2009, 05:14:13 AM
Dear Clyde,

I understand that as far as you're concerned, you are the centre of the universe.  And I'm happy to indulge from time to time.  I just have a few things I'd like to mention:

1.  I don't know how you do it, but why is it that every. single. time.  I am on the phone you are able to come running from anywhere in the house/back yard/neighbourhood?  Also, do you really need to cry the whole time I am talking?  People are starting to think I am hiding a baby somewhere in my house.

2. Yes, I know you love cuddles.  I am happy to provide cuddles.  But I'd appreciate some notice before all 6.5 kg of you lands on my chest, claws outstretched, ready for a hug.  You may have noticed by now that I am often busy doing something else. Just some advanced notice would be nice.  And no, meowing whilst in mid-jump does not count.

3.  Daddy would also like to request that you alter your landing zone on the bed when you jump up to say hi.  Maybe a foot further down would be better.

4.  Yes, we love you. 

Love, Mummy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Dazi on October 15, 2009, 06:29:47 AM
Dear Squishymoomoo (my cat, not the poster),

You have been an indoor cat all 7 years of your life.  What possessed you into running outside the other morning as I was leaving for work?  Why did you make me chase you around my car a dozen or so times only to run back to the front door and laugh at me?  Yes, I know you were laughing, you had a big kitty grin on your face. 

Thanks a lot with lots of smooches,
Mamma
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Akarui Kibuno on October 15, 2009, 07:53:40 AM
Dear Tsuki,

You're a two months old kitten. Choco is a six years old cat. What in the world makes you think it's okay to jump on his back with no warning without risking being slapped ? You're lucky Choco is a very nice cat, otherwise you'd probably be scratched all over already.

Also, why is it that you can be sleeping on my bed at night, or on me... ALL NIGHT (that was tested) but the minute *I* try to go to bed, you turn into Hyper Psycho Kitty ? Tsk tsk. At least, Mom is gaga over you, which is a good thing.

Dear Choco,

Thank you for not strangling Tsuki to death with her antics. I hope you do realize I love you no matter what, and I'm proud of you for the way you act towards her now.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: pinkunicorn on October 15, 2009, 09:40:20 AM
Dear Fonzie,

You are a cat. You eat cat food. My ice cream cone is mine. Next time I'm lying on the couch, watching my show and eating my ice cream cone, please do not walk across my body (purring the whole time), and plop your fuzzy butt on my face so you can partake of my ice cream!

Maybe let's call a truce. If I give you a teaspoon of plain ice cream in a little saucer for you to enjoy, will you leave me alone to enjoy my ice cream cone?

Love,
Pinkunicorn
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: WildChild@Heart on October 15, 2009, 10:36:01 AM
I finally got to read the new posts. I am ROTFLOL because I swear my cats do all of these things. (except the breaking wind thing)

And was I the only one not surprised at Bigozzys boys method of retaliation? I mean they are boys......to them this exactly how to get even.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: HollysCats on October 15, 2009, 01:27:28 PM
While the facepats are very endearing, I prefer them without claws.

Yes!  Me too.  And that's a really difficult habit to discourage, because the non-claw facepats are so endearing.

Also, after a visit to the litter tray, scraping the wall in an attempt to cover it up won't accomplish much. Really, it won't. I'd have hoped you'd have figured this out after eleven years.

Similarly, scraping the tile around the litter tray is also ineffective.  And, while I appreciate the fact that you always have all four paws in the litter tray while you do your business, it turns out that the paws are not actually the most relevant part of your body for this procedure.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on October 15, 2009, 01:54:55 PM
I know you loved your kittens, and i know you have never quite forgiven me for sacrifficing them to the evil metal animals in the street, but I assure you, they are in a better place* So please, stop trying to nurse the guinea pigs/chihuahuas/amigurumis. First, you have no milk. Second, none of the things you present your bewbs to WANT your milk. So cut it out.

For some reason the picture of your cat trying to nurse guinea pigs made me totally squeee! Maybe she was meant to be a foster mommy- perhaps you could foster kittens and, while she can't nurse them, she could teach them how to grow up to be proper, respectable cats who know how to correctly control their humans. Heck, she could probably raise any baby animal to be a proper cat lol.

Dear Sophie,

Yes mummy luuuurves you. Yes I can hear you calling. Yes, I know you want to be fed right neauuoowwww. But the thing is, I just fed you. Yes I did. Just five minutes ago. I saw you eat it all up. With my very own eyes. I know you think you're starving, but every time I weigh you, you weigh more. The vet says that if you don't lose weight you'll get arthritis, so no, I'm not going to feed you. Sorry, pleasedon'tkillme.

I know you miss me when I'm sleeping at night. I'm sorry I can't have you in my room but SeriousCat has gotten tired of being woken up in the middle of the night because you've  pressed your butt into his face and err.. passed wind. It's not a ladylike thing to do, and I'm not sure why you think he'd appreciate it.

Also, while I'm happy to blow on your paws to warm them up, please do not push said paws into my mouth. I saw you heading right over from the litter box. Yes, with my eyes. Yes the same eyes that saw you fed five minutes ago. No they are not defective.

kthanksbabai!

Mummy

P.S. Please do not to say rude words like hairballs or tail-sniffer when young children are over, okay?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: nalapuppy on October 15, 2009, 04:37:07 PM
Dear Pretty, Turbo, and Squeaky,

I am sorry for bringing home that big mean crazy (adorable) puppy.  All she wants to do is play with you and love you.  Peeing on the floor is not going to make her go away.  Neither is glaring at us all the time.  She is here to stay.

Don't forget, you are cats.... you rule the universe... one day that little puppy will bow down to you.

love,
your obedient servant
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Bookgirl on October 15, 2009, 04:58:07 PM
Dear Smokey~

I love you.  I'm so happy you came to join our family back in May.  I also know that you are only 7 months old and the world is just such.an.exciting.place. 

Please though, please stop with the nightime kitty Olympics.  I know that you are very good at the 'race down the hallway as fast as you can' event, the 'jump on sleeping feet' event and the 'take up all of my pillow while I'm trying to sleep' event.  You are extremely good at all of those events but really, it's not our year to host the Olympics. 

Also, please stop trying to wrestle Killian.  He is much older than you and it's very obvious that he does not want to wrestle.  Just leave him be.  No really, I can't take much more of his 'why did you do this to me' looks. 

Dear Killian~

I'm sorry.  Please still love me. 

Love,
Mommy.   
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AprilRenee on October 15, 2009, 05:15:06 PM
Dear Baby,

Please stop jumping in the shower and licking up the shower water when I'm done in there. Really, you should learn now, it's not tasty and it makes you puke. I Am tired of cleaning up soapy cat puke. Really.

Dear Squeaker,
Please, make up your mind. Don't jump into my lap and purr all sweet like and then turn into raging psycho kitty from hell, hissing and growling with teeth and claws. Do you want to snuggle or not? 12 years later I'm still not sure if I'm going to be loved on or eaten.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Giggity on October 15, 2009, 05:18:44 PM
Dear Luigi-cat

Sitting close to son while he lies on the the floor and then passing wind was probably not intentional but he did change colour.

Dear Son

Cats do not understand revenge. Having your brother hold down luigi-cat so you can fart on him is not acceptable.

By the way, I was snorting with anger not laughing when I came across the above.

Bigozzy

Dude, Ozzy, that is freakin' hilarious! I just had a coughing fit from laughing so hard.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Dazi on October 15, 2009, 06:21:03 PM
Dear Evil Princess (aka, my DH's real wife...according to her anyway),
I know you love lying in my fresh, warm from the dryer clothes.  I don't even mind you laying in them...I have gotten used to the cat hair.  However, next time you feel the urge to get rid of a hairball, get.out.of the.basket.  I do not want to have to rewash my freshly washed laundry again.


Dear We-moo,
I know you have food, so stop pawing my leg (she is doing this right now).  I know SquishyMooMoo taught you how to ambush me and now it is your favorite new game, but I do not appreciate having the crap scared outta me at 3 am.


Dear SquishyMooMoo (my cat, not the poster),
I forgive for running outside and me having to chase you down in 4 inch heels.  The dead lizard presents are not necessary.  I know you love me.

Also, could you please refrain from sniffing/licking/or pawing any part of my body while I am asleep?  I woke up with a rawish red mark on my forehead where you deemed it necessary to *clean* me.

Stop teaching We-moo things, she thinks she is funny.

Love,
Momma
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: CeeBee on October 15, 2009, 10:20:54 PM
Dear Cat,

I do not know what sort of radar you have that lets you know I have placed the bathmat on the floor when I take a shower but you always manage to be on it within 90 seconds. I do, however, know how mad you made DF when you clawed his foot after he tried to remove your fat furry butt so he could hang the bathmat up.

Also, please do not use my expensive tissue wrapped Roger & Gallet soaps as toys. I don't understand why you like the Blue Lotus ones so much because you also think that maggot ridden dead birds also smell nice.

Scratching under the bed at 4am does get you fed (sometimes) but don't blame me if I miss your bowl a little bit. It's dark, I'm incredibly near sighted without my specs and my eyes are shut anyway. You can still eat the biscuits on the floor you know.

And yes, on the odd occasion I have purposefully left the lid on the nearly empty tuna tin bent at an angle so your head gets a little bit stuck when you snarf the leftovers up.
No, it has nothing to do with the points above, nothing at all...

Love CeeBee and Mad Dad.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Mad Goat Woman on October 15, 2009, 10:39:11 PM
Dear Tink

While you are loved and adored by me and grandma, we do not appreciate it when you do your savage cat thing. You go from being sweetness and light to bitey, savage cat in under three seconds. Yes, we realise your father was more than likely a feral cat who happened to knock your mother up, but grandma and mummy do not appreciate that part of your behaviour. So can you please stop the savage cat business?

Love,
Mummy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on October 15, 2009, 10:46:14 PM
Dear Blackie and Misty:

I know you have superior night vision.  Please understand that: 1) you are black, and grey respectively, and 2) humans can't see that well in the dark, let alone two kitties perfectly blended in.  It isn't fair to yowl, scare me half to death and back again, and sulk.

Just because I am sitting at the computer, fooling around, does not mean my lap is automatically open for pettings (well...all right, it mostly is  ;D)

You two are also hosting the Kitty Olympics in my apartment.  The Hall Dash, the High Climb, and the singing contests are not appreciated.

Please, if the kibble feeder is empty, just come and stare at me with berefit eyes.  It is really not necessary to break into the pantry and chew a hole in the bag.

Thank you and many scritches,
Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MightyMouse on October 16, 2009, 12:00:26 AM
Dear Princess, 
We love you dearly, and we love the fact that you are the cuddliest kitty we've ever had.  But your claws, Tweetums, are sharp.  You are by far the pointiest kitty of the bunch.  We don't mind you climbing on our laps to cuddle, or even fluffing us, but please, keep the claws in as much as possible.  I'm starting to look like a pincushion. :P

Love,
Sissy MightyMouse

Dear Gary,
I know life has been rather lonely since Bonnie and Clyde passed, Snugglebunny, I know you miss them.  But the hiding has to stop.  Please stop being so neurotic.  We want you back to normal as much as possible, feistiness and all.

Love,
Sissy MightyMouse

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bigozzy on October 16, 2009, 03:35:12 AM
Dear Luigi-cat

Sitting close to son while he lies on the the floor and then passing wind was probably not intentional but he did change colour.

Dear Son

Cats do not understand revenge. Having your brother hold down luigi-cat so you can fart on him is not acceptable.

By the way, I was snorting with anger not laughing when I came across the above.

Bigozzy

Thank you.
Twin boys and 'special' cats are a laugh a minute.

Is anyone else's cat stinky or is it just ours? Luigi is the master of silent but deadly emmissions yet his sister, who eats exactly the same food, is not.

Maybe it is just a boy thing.

Dude, Ozzy, that is freakin' hilarious! I just had a coughing fit from laughing so hard.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JonGirl on October 16, 2009, 03:44:44 AM
Dear Luigi-cat

Sitting close to son while he lies on the the floor and then passing wind was probably not intentional but he did change colour.

Dear Son

Cats do not understand revenge. Having your brother hold down luigi-cat so you can fart on him is not acceptable.

By the way, I was snorting with anger not laughing when I came across the above.

Bigozzy

Thank you.
Twin boys and 'special' cats are a laugh a minute.

Is anyone else's cat stinky or is it just ours? Luigi is the master of silent but deadly emmissions yet his sister, who eats exactly the same food, is not.

Maybe it is just a boy thing.

Dude, Ozzy, that is freakin' hilarious! I just had a coughing fit from laughing so hard.
wheres that smiley that rolls around laughing? :D ;D :D ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Craftyone on October 16, 2009, 06:42:06 AM
Dear Gomez,

I will feed you as I do every morning after my alarm goes off. You are not starving, and your histrionics will not get you canned food any earlier. So knock it off!

TIA
Sway


Gomez could be a long distant relation of my purr kid.  Just because the sun is coming up doesn't mean you have to be fed immediately and wake up your "brother" (our dalmatian) as well so you both come into the bedroom to mum's side of the bed, while dad gets to sleep on in bliss.  FYI - the sun is coming up around 5:30 and my alarm goes off at 6:00
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Bethalize on October 16, 2009, 07:12:07 AM
Dear Tarquin Cat,

I'm sorry about the duct tape on your tail. I know it's annoying but it's only on there because you refused to wear the buster collar the vet gave you, refused to wear the expensive fancy soft collar I got you and kept on attacking the bandage with your teeth. At least the bandage under the duct tape remains in tact. I'm sorry that your tail hurts sometimes but since the door incident you need to let it heal. Thank goodness we got you insured!

Love Mummy

Dear Nero Cat,

I love you too, you are very cuddly when I see you. It would be nice to see more of you though. Maybe for an hour in the evenings?

Love Mummy

Dear Both,

If you ever let on I refer to myself as your Mummy it's the RSPCA for you. I know I didn't give birth to you but I just love you both so much.

Love

Human owner

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bigozzy on October 16, 2009, 08:36:37 AM
Dear Luigi

Looking at the bowl and meowing does not bring food.

looking at the bowl, then licking it also does not bring food.

Swatting the bowl, meowing and then sitting in the bowl also does not bring food.

Sniffing you sister's backside and then going to the bowl and repeating all of the above does not bring food.

Doing the ears back, slow walk of doom under my feet while I am carrying hot things from the oven just might bring food but not in the manner you expected.

Big Ozzy

Dear Boys,

I know that we have had many conversations about yelling and using swear words but on this occassion I feel dad can be forgiven due to the hot oven food dripping down his legs.

Wasn't it a nice treat to have pizza delivered though?

Dad

Dear Lobby dosser,

Your brother was born that way. He can not help it.


Big ozzy.


Dear Wife

I want a puppy and less judgemental boys who do not laugh at my dance of pain.

Big Ozzy

(True story)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on October 16, 2009, 11:17:09 AM
Dear kitties,

Just because you don't like the food in your bowls, you don't have to break into the pantry and tear into the new bag of food and spread it all over the floor.  Opening and destroying $20 worth of beef jerky won;t win you any points with Daddy. And how the heck did you open a latched door???

Love,

Kitty Mom

Neko and Scooter,

I love it when you cuddle up in bed on my chest.  However, I don't appreciate having " old one eye" pointed in my face.  Especially when you toot.   :-X

(Big Ozzy - I could totally see your kid tooting in the cats face in revenge!  I had Coke coming out my ears when I read that.)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Karmelita on October 16, 2009, 12:43:53 PM
Dear Quinn,

I really, really need you to decide whether you want in or out of the bedroom at night and then stick to it.  I do not appreciate being woken up several times a night by you rattling the door.  I know you dislike closed doors, but those of us without fur coats get COLD in the winter when the bedroom door is open all night!

I really do think it's adorable how you chase and carry around all your "noisy" toys like a dog.  It's slightly less adorable when you do it at 4am.  Especially when you deliberately run across my back to wake me up.  I know you love it when I throw the toy out into the living room, but trust me - it's not my intention to play "fetch" at that hour.

Also...waking up mommy by dumping a glass of cold water on her head?  Not nice.

Smooches,
The Crazy Lady You Live With

PS - Plz stop nomming my hair.  It's just weird.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: wellisawstar on October 16, 2009, 01:08:34 PM
Dear Zara,

I know you've heard me say many times that I hate my alarm clock. It works just fine, but no one likes to wake up to a jarring "beep beep beep."

I think you took that to heart, and I think that's why you've become my alarm clock. Every day around 7 a.m., you start meowing in the doorway. If that doesn't work, you progress to doing circuits from the door that loop to the bed and back to the living room. The way you figure it, I suspect, I'd rather hear "wake up!" from my beloved kitty than from an annoying, unlovable alarm clock.

You, madam, are incorrect.

But seeing as how it would be cruel to keep my door closed because Sammi likes to sleep next to me quietly, and seeing how my vet won't consider voice box surgery, I'm stuck with you and your well-developed kitty noises. So when it's the weekend, would you mind resetting your alarm for 9 a.m.? Mommy would like a little extra sleep.

Love,
Welli
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on October 16, 2009, 01:10:43 PM
Dear Claudio,

Barf on my pillow again, and you're banned from the bedroom.  The least you can do is barf on the side off the side of the bed.

Don't worry, I still love you.

-Mommy



Dear Hero,

If you would just let me brush you like a normal cat, then I wouldn't have to sneak attack you with the Furminator.  New rule:  if you want to play on the bathroom counter, then I get to Furminate you while you play.  

-Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: StaciNadia on October 16, 2009, 01:44:46 PM
Dear Spikey,

You do not need to eat every second of every day.  You do not need to eat people food every single time we eat people food.  You will not die of hunger if you don't eat every second of the day.  Can you please stop those pitiful cries?  We are not starving you, little guy.  And please don't steal food from the other kitties.  Finally, Mimi bonked you on the head for daring to attempt it with her. 

And dear, while it's absolutely adorable when you tear a chunk of turkey or lettuce out of a sandwich I'm eating, you can't eat people food that much.  Learn from Ricky for the proper way to beg for food.  Sit nicely on the counter, and MAYBE Mommy or Grandma will take pity on you and give you a bite or three.  Learn from him.

Love, Mommy


Dear kitties,

PLEASE don't harass Her Royal Highness, Princess Mimi.  She doesn't want to play, just to be left alone.

Love Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: PaddedPaws on October 16, 2009, 05:34:02 PM
Dear Sophie Cat,

Please do not try to wake me before your regular breakfast time. I feed you at the same time each morning, and I will continue to do so, no matter how early in the morning you start crying. I know it is rude of me to pretend not to hear when you demand to be fed at the crack of dawn (which happens to be 4 am in the summer). I know that my attempts to play dead do not fool you, since you are eager to bite my face in order to test my state of awakeness.

Please understand, mother has to go to work later in the day, and needs enough sleep in order to be at her best. I still love you more than sunshine. May I reccomend sleeping on my lap an purring until my alarm goes off?

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on October 16, 2009, 05:41:49 PM
Dear Fred,

I do realize that it is not your fault that your meow is the feline equivalent of fingernails on a chalkboard, irritating in its scratchy, whiny quality. But for the love of Mike, you need to learn that one meow is plenty to get me on my feet or open the door or refill the water bowl. Several sustained minutes of meowing will slowly drive the little sanity I have left out of my head, and then, when I am safely institutionalized, where will you be?

And I'm sorry that I didn't realize sooner that you are lonely since Prinny passed away this spring. Because you always jumped out at her and bit her and fought her and chased her out of the room, I had thought you might like being the only cat for a change. But clearly, you are one lonely critter. Rest assured, as soon as I have full time employment again, I'm heading to the shelter and getting you a buddy. Can you be patient for a few more months?

Sincerely,

The food bowl filler
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: utkvolfan on October 16, 2009, 05:43:44 PM
Dear Smokey and Bandit,

I know you never asked for a human sister, especially one who loooooooooooooooves her feline brothers. However, thank you for being so good with her. I promise that once she starts to talk you both will like her, because she will tell Meowmy that "kitties are hungry" and you will probably get fed more often. She will also learn how to pet you more gently.

Love,

Meowmy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: WildChild@Heart on October 16, 2009, 07:07:33 PM

Neko and Scooter,

I love it when you cuddle up in bed on my chest.  However, I don't appreciate having " old one eye" pointed in my face.  Especially when you toot.   :-X


Laughing wildly....just add to that Mr Tailswisher beating me in the face and we have nearly the identical scene at my house.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Daffydilly on October 16, 2009, 07:25:15 PM
Dear Peach,
I loved you when you were a tiny puffball begging to be held by your human mommy when you were only a week old. And I really miss locking you out of my bedroom only to open the door at two am because of you plaintive mews to come in. I had a pillow set aside for you but you always loved the one warmed by my head. I miss you sneaking your "small" twelve pound frame onto my lap when I got home late at night from work.
You taught me love in way I never understood before.
I'm so sorry I had to give you to my friend when I left to join the armed forces. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But please stop trying to chase goats and dogs off the farm. The goats live there and don't seem to care if you do chase them or not. They are not going to move. I'm glad that you have families in two houses side by side that love you. And I'm glad to here that you are happy.
I'll always love you,
Your first mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AmethystAnne on October 16, 2009, 08:43:18 PM
Dear Autumn, Tracker, and Zero (AKA Fearless Threesome),
I know that one of you hopped on the dresser and knocked the lightbulb off onto the floor. I did not appreciate having to pick tiny, sharp pieces of glass out of the carpet this morning when I was still half asleep.
Oh, while I'm at it, I also don't like having any of you making yourself comfortable in the middle of one of my work-in-progress afghans. And Tracker, you carrying around a skein of yarn and marouwwing like you caught a great prize? I admit that I thought it was cute the first 10 times, but now it's getting ridiculous.

You 3 will notice that I was not talking about Rizzo. She minds her own business, takes lots of naps, and ignores you guys.

The keeper of the cat food.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bigozzy on October 17, 2009, 03:03:15 AM
Dear kitties,

Just because you don't like the food in your bowls, you don't have to break into the pantry and tear into the new bag of food and spread it all over the floor.  Opening and destroying $20 worth of beef jerky won;t win you any points with Daddy. And how the heck did you open a latched door???

Love,

Kitty Mom

Neko and Scooter,

I love it when you cuddle up in bed on my chest.  However, I don't appreciate having " old one eye" pointed in my face.  Especially when you toot.   :-X

(Big Ozzy - I could totally see your kid tooting in the cats face in revenge!  I had Coke coming out my ears when I read that.)


I like this expression! It's a pity a major cat expression of love.

I may change Luigi's name to Cyclops. A new expression: The cat just cyclopsed me.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: J.D. on October 17, 2009, 10:16:02 AM
Dear Haiti,

I love that you come into the bedroom for cuddles first thing in the morning. However, the claws are not necessary.  If you would let me trim your nails, we wouldn't have this problem. Maybe we can work something out...?

Also, shame on you for teaching your foster-sister bad habits!  Ahh, who I am kidding. I can't stay mad at you, you fluffy little monkey.


Love,
Mom

Quote
Dear Monica,

While the facepats are very endearing, I prefer them without claws.

Love,
Civil Disobedience

Dear Monica,

Please be nice to your foster mom; if you don't keep the claws in, I'm going to knit you little mittens.  ;)

Love,
Mom

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: HollysCats on October 17, 2009, 12:39:41 PM
I love it when you cuddle up in bed on my chest.  However, I don't appreciate having " old one eye" pointed in my face.

This does, however, make it really easy to discover when your cat has a tapeworm.  Don't ask me how I know this.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Miss Vertigo on October 18, 2009, 04:07:43 AM
Dear Cats,

I know we've not been here very long and you're still exploring your new outdoor territory. But please believe me when I tell you that the garden you see from the bedroom window is exactly the same garden that you access from the kitchen door. Really, it is. It's even on the same side of the flat. Sitting on the bedroom window ledge and looking at me confusedly, like I've moved you somewhere new for the second time in month is just... silly. And annoying, when the window is wide open while waiting for you to make your mind up and I'm freezing.

Lots of love,

Amused (and cold) of London
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: M-theory on October 18, 2009, 04:14:40 AM
Dear Haiti,

I love that you come into the bedroom for cuddles first thing in the morning. However, the claws are not necessary.  If you would let me trim your nails, we wouldn't have this problem. Maybe we can work something out...?

Also, shame on you for teaching your foster-sister bad habits!  Ahh, who I am kidding. I can't stay mad at you, you fluffy little monkey.


Love,
Mom

Quote
Dear Monica,

While the facepats are very endearing, I prefer them without claws.

Love,
Civil Disobedience

Dear Monica,

Please be nice to your foster mom; if you don't keep the claws in, I'm going to knit you little mittens.  ;)

Love,
Mom



Dear Mom,

May I have pink and blue mittens, please? They would set off my grey colour oh-so-fetchingly.

Love,
Monica
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GotSquatch on October 18, 2009, 04:16:02 AM
Dear Callie Bear,

You know the nigh stand is off limits!  If you are hungry, I'm happy to wake up to feed you but if you break the antique lamp, its generic kibble for you!

Love,

Mama
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on October 18, 2009, 10:46:56 PM
BigOzzy you crack me up!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: TinyVulgarUnicorn on October 19, 2009, 12:39:36 AM
Dear Rat Dog-

    Stop trying to chase the kitties...you are a 3lb Chihuahua and they will eat you.  Also, stop eating the cat food.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Kaora on October 19, 2009, 12:43:38 AM
Dear Andy

I love you and you're my favorite old man kitty on the planet, but please, stop waking me up at 6 to feed you.  You are a lovely, sweet old man cat, but I love my sleep.  ;)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: In The Breeze on October 19, 2009, 01:43:56 AM
Dear Sammie

While you are so cute and mischievous, you have to calm down or DaddyBreeze will cover you in stamps and post you to Timbuktu.

He gets quite agitated in his sleep and your attempts to sleep on his head like a fur turban and push your face into his ear canal as far as it can go, do not endear you to him.  Or to me, when he thinks the aliens are trying to probe him through his ear, and he turfs me out of bed.

He is not a mad cat poisoner either, so when he feeds you dinner, please eat it.  Do not come crying to me so I think he has forgotten you, only to find a full bowl of kitty food.  It is exactly the same food I would have given you. 

Please donít listen to your pudgy belly. We feed you quite well.  Too well, if you listen to the vet.  Your belly keeps telling you that we starve you.  It is a big fat liar.

Your sister is allowed to sit with us without you keeping tabs on her.  Yes, she is on my lap. No, you donít need to sit next to me and pat her face.  She will get cranky, and swipe at you.  Having a cat fight in my lap is not my idea of a fun Sunday afternoon.

I donít care if there is a poop in your litter at 3.56 in the morning.  I am not getting up to clean it.  There is a whole other clean litter tray for you to use.  Donít try and convince me that you canít use it, I have seen you.  At that time in the morning, sleep is way more important to me than cleaning up one baked bean sized poop.

Love and fishy kisses

MummyBreeze


Dear Pretty Sal

You are with out a doubt the strangest cat I have ever met.  I love your soft, soft coat and your little beeps and trills.  You are so polite and well mannered, a perfect little lady.  You are also quite neurotic.  When you wake up in the spare room alone, you have to remember that you went to sleep in there alone.  We did not abandon you, so you donít need to walk the halls warbling and looking for us. 

You can join in the fun when we are playing with Sam.  When you sit on the sidelines with a wistful look on your little face, it makes me feel sad.  But it is a two way street.  When we try to include you, donít throw a snit and gallop off like a horse.  What did we do?

I am sorry if I offended you by saying that I can see your bosom.  You are a white cat.  Your bosoms are pink, so they stand out.  I was only joking.  There was really no reason to glare at me and turn your back to me.  It was a joke, Miss Huffy!

DaddyBreeze says you are the prettiest cat he has ever seen.  He has always wanted a pure white cat, so he is extra specially in love with you.  *whispers* I think you are his favourite.  Donít tell Sam.

Love

Mummy Breeze.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Jessie on October 19, 2009, 03:55:49 AM
Dear cats,

I am super glad that you guys are friends most of the time. However, the kitty olympics can happen places other than the dining room table. I promise.

Love,

mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: thatBakerwoman on October 19, 2009, 04:30:53 PM
Dear Thomas,

Thank you so much for giving Mommy what should have been heart failure, if her heart had only slowed down enough to fail.

I realize that under the farthingale of my RenFaire costume, as it stands on the tailor's dummy, is a wonderful place to nap, however, the sight of the front of the skirt belling out as though about to take a step towards me caused all of my innards to unhinge and head in unnatural directions.  I now know that it was only you doing the usual wake-up stretching.

Please forgive me for yelling that as soon as my legs were in good working order again, one of your nine lives was forfeit.  I wouldn't hurt a hair on your head.  Still, you had ample time to find a dozen hiding places before I had all my parts back in their proper places and functioning normally.

Love,

tbw (she who wields the magic can-opener)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hushabye on October 19, 2009, 05:00:51 PM
Dear Pumpkin,

My legs, especially when not encased in leather, denim, chain mail, or other protective materials, are not climbing posts, just as my feet are not chew toys.  We will be bringing you home soon, and I do not plan on investing in plate armor in order to love on you.

Also, please remember that little brother Tesla is younger and smaller than you.  He is not quite up to your rambunctious playfighting yet, so please stop pouncing on him from high places like you did today.

We're looking forward to seeing you on Thursday, provided you do not shred the veterinarian into tiny bits come Wednesday.

Love,
FutureMommy


Dear Tesla,

I know that Pumpkin is a handful.  Therefore, when she starts gnawing on your ears, it *is* perfectly acceptable behavior to gnaw back or swat at her.  It is not, however, necessary to climb up my arms, neck, and chest and perch on my shoulders to obtain safety.  Especially not if you insist on clawing my ... delicate frontal real estate.  I promise, she'll bother you less if you kick her orange butt a few times.

Love,
FutureMommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on October 19, 2009, 05:20:46 PM
Dear Thomas,

Thank you so much for giving Mommy what should have been heart failure, if her heart had only slowed down enough to fail.

I realize that under the farthingale of my RenFaire costume, as it stands on the tailor's dummy, is a wonderful place to nap, however, the sight of the front of the skirt belling out as though about to take a step towards me caused all of my innards to unhinge and head in unnatural directions.  I now know that it was only you doing the usual wake-up stretching.

Please forgive me for yelling that as soon as my legs were in good working order again, one of your nine lives was forfeit.  I wouldn't hurt a hair on your head.  Still, you had ample time to find a dozen hiding places before I had all my parts back in their proper places and functioning normally.

Love,

tbw (she who wields the magic can-opener)

This reminded me of a funny bit in one of the Little House books, where a kitten, chased by a dog, climbs up the inside of Laura's hoop skirt. In church.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Dazi on October 19, 2009, 05:23:45 PM
Dear Thomas,

Thank you so much for giving Mommy what should have been heart failure, if her heart had only slowed down enough to fail.

I realize that under the farthingale of my RenFaire costume, as it stands on the tailor's dummy, is a wonderful place to nap, however, the sight of the front of the skirt belling out as though about to take a step towards me caused all of my innards to unhinge and head in unnatural directions.  I now know that it was only you doing the usual wake-up stretching.

Please forgive me for yelling that as soon as my legs were in good working order again, one of your nine lives was forfeit.  I wouldn't hurt a hair on your head.  Still, you had ample time to find a dozen hiding places before I had all my parts back in their proper places and functioning normally.

Love,

tbw (she who wields the magic can-opener)

That is hysterical   ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Bluenomi on October 19, 2009, 07:45:29 PM
Dear Isis,

I was really glad to manage have my 4th morning in a row of not having morning sickness this morning. So why oh why did you feel the need to throw up? I was hopeing to have a throw up free day today  :-[ Thank you for staying out of the way while I cleaned it up though, it is easier without you trying to walk in it.

Love Mummy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on October 20, 2009, 05:16:15 PM
Dear Smokey,
It is time to face facts.  You are fat.  Fluff can only get you so far (and you are indeed my fluffy kitty!).  It doesn't help that you eat Mouse's half of breakfast and dinner since he's more interested in going outside.  We are guessing he is mostly surviving on bugs and lizards he finds out there because you don't let him eat too much.  I am going to start putting his half up on the counter so you can't overindulge anymore.  Don't give me those sad eyes - you are NOT starving.

Dear Mouse,
It is NOT my fault that it has been raining - I can't make it stop and I am not going to let you out while it's raining, even though you are an odd cat to not mind getting wet.  Your tortured cries at staying inside are becoming ear piercing.  Could you tone it down - the neighbors are going to think we are torturing you.   

P.S.  Please try to not wander so far from home.  I heard about your latest escapade - Mommy is NOT pleased! 

Kisses to you both!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MissRose on April 11, 2010, 02:33:53 PM
I know the 2 cats I am referring to are long gone but still something I would write to them when I owned them:  ;D

Dear Miss Puddy (black and white cat looks like Sylvester from Looney Tunes),

No it is not cute to wake us with meowing because you found a stuffed mouse toy of yours that we failed to hide before bed time.  Please don't sit on my pillow just because my head came off it sometime during the night and then give me a dirty look when I wish to use my pillow.  No its not cute to tease the dog because he has to stay outside, and you can be inside LOL.

Love,

MissRose

Dear Boomalatti (i didnt name this cat LOL - he was a orange cat that may have been part Maine Coon, and weighed about 20 lbs & had to be given up for adoption),

No its not cute when you hang by your front paws & claws on the screen door.  What surprises me is that you haven't shredded it either!!  Also, please stick around in your own yard, and think the neighbor's pine trees are a nicer hiding spot.  Yes, the little human is my nephew, and he's not going anywhere anytime soon, and he will be nice to you even though he is 1 year old & we are trying to keep you two apart (my nephew is nearly 11 now!).  Also, your claws do not feel nice on our arms or legs.

Love,

Miss Rose
(who took you in a nice carrier to people who gave you a nice forever home free to roam outside freely without a toddler around)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bluhairfreak on April 11, 2010, 02:50:46 PM
Dear Smudge
    I swear the water in the shower doesn't hurt or bother me.  In fact I quite enjoy it.  There's no need to pace outside the shower curtain meowing at me to get out of the water.  The same applies when I am taking a bath.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: siamesecat2965 on April 11, 2010, 04:11:40 PM
My kitty is also long gone, but if he were still with us, this is what I'd say to him:

Dear Boris,
I KNOW you must go out the nanosecond I wake up, but galloping down the stairs as I'm trying to make MY way down, in a sleep-induced, pre-caffeinated haze is not a good idea.  If you trip me, and I fall, there's no going out, and no food.

Please believe me when I tell you that it rains all around the house.  if you go out in the rain, and then frantically scratch at the  back door seconds later to be let in, and then run to the front door, its still raining out THAT door as well.  The rain doesn't magically disappear from one side of the house to the other.

Is is it really necessary to jump in and kick out all the litter in your box, the instant I'm done cleaning it, AND sweeping up all the litter you previously kicked out?  Bonus points in that you didnt' actually USE the box, but simply made a big mess all over again.

Finally, if you have something in your mouth, such as the poor baby rabbit you were carrying proudly around the yard, while it squealed pathetically and loudly, if you open your mouth, it's long gone.  And no matter how long you hunt through the yard, you're not going to find it.  They are fast, and it probably found its way back to its mommy, and away from your evil clutches.  (Baby rabbit was fine, cat was disappointed)

Love, siamesecat.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Dazi on April 11, 2010, 04:43:33 PM
Dear kittens,

I don't know which one of you thought it would be funny to steal all my clean underwear out of my drawer and hide them in your kitty house, but I was not amused.  I am still not sure how you managed to get the drawer open either.

Love Dazi
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Chinchillazilla on April 11, 2010, 05:07:26 PM
Dear Tinycat,
I love you. I love you more when you aren't putting your dirty paws in my food. I would love you a lot more if you would be nice to me like you used to instead of being so aloof. Also, your brother does not appreciate being molested, and I don't appreciate your molesting your brother on my bed. You are both neutered. Stop it.
Love,
Me

Dear Manny,
Your big fluffy white tummy is irresistible. Please stop exposing it and then attacking people who innocently stroke it. What are you, a venus flytrap?
Love,
Me

Dear Willow,
If you plan to live the rest of your life in my mom's bedroom, which it seems you do, you have to stop yelling at me for not petting you as much.
Love,
Me

Dear Leo,
The answering machine message is a recording. Mom is not trapped in the phone. Lifting the receiver every time it comes on just hangs up on people. Grandpa thinks we hate him now.
Love,
Me
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Shoo on April 11, 2010, 06:02:44 PM
Dear kittens,

I don't know which one of you thought it would be funny to steal all my clean underwear out of my drawer and hide them in your kitty house, but I was not amused.  I am still not sure how you managed to get the drawer open either.

Love Dazi

Panty raid!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Xena_Xavier on April 11, 2010, 08:00:35 PM
1.  Dear Bilbo,

We love having you snoozing in our laps while watching telly in the evening, but please stop passing wind in your sleep.  It doesn't make for a fragrant atmosphere, especially after a good meal.  We know you can't help it, but if you could just hold it in until you make it out into the hallway, we'd be eternally grateful.


2.  Dear Frodo,

Please stop hunting birds.  We love the local lorrakeets, but not toes-up on the kitchen floor (though we appreciate it's a gift given in the spirit of sharing).  Finding a little pile of tell-tale feathers on the front porch is not a lot of fun, either.  And it spoils your appetite for supper.

But thank you for hunting and eating the spiders.  You know how arachnophobic your mummy is, and I send a small prayer of gratitude to Bast every time I see you chowing down on a Brown Huntsman.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Carnation on April 11, 2010, 08:36:13 PM
Dear Stinky Kitty:

All you do is lie around the house in those gray striped pajamas, yet you have a higher standard of living than I do.

Get a job.

The Maid.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on April 11, 2010, 09:25:49 PM
Dear Oscar

Running at the screen door, jumping and slamming yourself against it so as to scare the dog may be funny but you're breaking the wires and until you get a job, I'm the one picking up the tab for a new screen.

Love
Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Leather Lady on April 11, 2010, 09:32:57 PM
Dear Pop,
Just because you are a loooong cat doesn't mean you can catch the wasp in the east windows.  Quit jumping up and getting tangled in the sheers.  Your claws are destroying them as you try not to look foolish while you figure out how to get down, and the wasp is mocking you.

Also, since we clean your box every day you have mistaken your leavings as valuable items to us.  They aren't, so don't try to climb in the box and make more while I'm trying to clean it.  I throw it away, Pop, not sell it on eBay.

Dear Moe,
If you jump on your brother and force-groom him, expect him to cry.  You don't like it when he does it to you either.  Quit hiding at the bottom of the steps waiting patiently for the opportunity to attack.  He knows you are there, so he isn't coming down.

It really is okay to consent to be picked up.  You don't have to dig your toes into the rug so it sounds like Velcro as I peel you off.  Sometimes I just need to close a door and am looking out for your comfort.
Love,
Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Missyanthrope on April 11, 2010, 09:51:40 PM
Dear Nightmare...

1. Its the same bloody water, whether its in your bowl upstairs next to your scritchy post, downstairs in the laundry room next to your food, in the dogs bowl in the kitchen, and in MY WATER GLASS ON THE SIDE OF MY BED!!!  So stop dipping your paw in MY water every blasted night and just drink your own water.  Taking a deep gulp of water in the middle of the night and hacking on your hair is NOT my idea of fun.
2. I know you are old, I know you are getting up there in years.  I understand why you like to stay upstairs for most of the day sleeping, since it allows you the freedom of the entire second floor with no worries about the dogs bothering you.  However, just because YOU sleep all day long does not mean that you can wander the house wailing and moaning all night because no one is awake to pet or amuse you.
3. Yes, I know that lately my tummy has grown to monstrous proportions due to the pregnancy.  This was not done for YOUR comfort and convenience.  No, I do not enjoy you climbing my stomach and making yourself at home while I sleep.  For one thing I'm having enough trouble breathing on my own, I don't need 15+ pounds of cat helping smother me.
4. Along with the above don't you get peevish with me and jump up all hissy when the babies start rolling and kicking at odd times when you are draped over me having a snooze.
5. It was cute when you were a wee kitten to have you walk all over our heads as we slept and try to nest in our hair.  Its 10+ years later, and you are no longer wee.  It HURTS when you try to climb under our hair now.  Laying on it doesn't feel any better.
6. Yes, I need all three pillows right now.  Yes, I do tend to toss and turn a lot.  No, you may not claim one for your own just because I don't have my ENTIRE body on it when you decide to lay on it.  Get your big black hair butt of MY pregnancy pillows, gosh darn it!
7. Yeah, I can see you sitting there glaring at me.  And yes I know why.  Daddy forgot to clean your litterbox again, didn't he?  But I CANT do it until after the baby is born.  Suck it up for heavens sake, its a freaking Littermaid, and you aren't going to step in anything you don't want to.  So the gravel isn't even and flat like you demand.  Get over it and just go poop, will ya?
8. OK look, it was funny the first few months, but we have lived in this house now for over 5 years.  And not once has the cat door into the laundry room ever changed in the way it works.  You push it with your head to get IN, you push it with your head to get OUT.  No I wont drag myself over and OPEN the door for you because you don't LIKE going in, yet have no problem coming OUT.  I am going to sit here on the couch and huff thru my latest Braxton Hicks.  Glaring at me wont make me move either.
9. Yes, the laptop is nice and warm, isn't it.  However I have yet to develop the ability to type with your fat black butt pinning my hands to the keyboard.  Same goes when you visit Daddy in his office while he is working.  PS - Daddy wont tell you this but it freaks him to have to you sit right in front of him and stare at him while he works.  Especially when he says you don't blink for long periods of time.  He thinks you are plotting his demise.
10.  I have bought you toy mice, catnip toys, jingly balls, scrunchy balls, and all manner of cat toy to keep you happy.  Can you PLEASE explain to me why you feel the need to spend most of the night stalking and killing not those items but instead decide to pull dirty socks out of the hampers, kill them r praise.  Why must you also do this to Daddy's stuffed penguin collection, Daddy's role playing dice bags, my hair elastics, and the dogs toys, but NONE of your own??
11. Yes, I know Dinky-dog is annoying.  But he has been this way since we brought him home years ago, and he isn't about to change anytime soon.  He doesn't understand you don't care about the "pack hierarchy" as much as he does.  But could you please STOP needling him by drinking out of HIS water bowl in front of him, laying on HIS blanket when you know he can see you, or just staring at him until he attacks you out of frustration?  You aren't helping things.  Cant you just be happy that while he believes he is higher on the household totem pole than you are, you KNOW he isn't??
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on April 11, 2010, 11:33:51 PM
Dear Boy-Cats,

I know you are famous and all (as you were featured in the newsletter for the shelter we brought you home from), but that still doesn't mean that you are in charge.  There are two of us and two of you...we get more votes since we pay the mortgage (and you are no longer allowed to hold new votes after we leave, negating our voting superiority).

Harry-you will not die if you don't get to go on the porch.  And would you please quit harassing the neighbor dogs.  Their mom just yells at them and doesn't really do much else, and their yapping is giving me a headache.  Besides, I feel kind of sorry for them since their mom has them as yard dogs, which they don't really like very much.

Bob-strings are not monsters.  That includes drawstrings on pants that I am wearing.  You cannot kill them.  Also, we know you can reach the doorknobs.  And you have figured out that they have something to do with opening doors.  We are NOT going to teach you to open the doors.  Ever.  Just get over it.

Harry-I know that the old stories about cats smothering babies isn't really true.  But you may be the reason people used to think so.  You cannot sleep on my face.  Those funny noises I make are an indication that I can't breathe.  If I can't breathe, you won't get fed OR let out onto the screen porch to bug the dogs.  Please stop it.

Bob-quit licking me.  It feels odd and I am worried that you are taste testing to be sure that, if DH and I fall over dead one day, you will have some dinner.  It is kind of creepy.

Thanks boys!

Lynnv
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: furrcats on April 12, 2010, 02:18:30 AM
Dear catson I really love having you on my lap but can you cut it down to less then seven hours?  ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Miss Vertigo on April 12, 2010, 02:40:44 AM
Dear Weedster,

They're toast crumbs. Toast crumbs. Is it really, really worth falling out with your brother over toast crumbs?!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bigozzy on April 12, 2010, 04:09:04 AM
Dear Cats

Yes it was a lovely Spring day yesterday.

Yes, it was nice of me keeping you company in the garden.

No, I did not dig up the soil just to make your business easier. And thanks for enthusiastically flicking soil everywhere but over your business.

I thought cats were supposed to like privacy!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: StarDrifter on April 12, 2010, 05:18:26 AM
Dear Archie-

I *know* that we are the worst parents in the world because we are going on holidays without you, but that is no reason to give Ace's parents hell while they babysit you!

G'Ma does *not* appreciate you waking her up at 5AM any more than either myself or Ace does. She also doesn't like it when you sleep in the dryer, any more than we do... in fact she is amazed that you can get *into* her wall-mounted dryer that is five feet off the floor!

Kindly pull your crazy-levels back to somewhere near base-line, at least for the duration of your stay at G'Ma and G'Pa's place.

Love Anna.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: finecabernet on April 12, 2010, 08:01:56 PM
Thanks for resurrecting this. In anticipation of my dupe entry getting closed, here's my entry.

Apologies if there's already a "Dear Cat" thread somewhere on here, but I couldn't find one, so here it goes.

Dear Cats:

I love you all, and even though there's far to many of you in my shoebox apartment, cannot imagine life without you. However, there's a few habits we need to work on to make life easier for all of us.

Dear Orange and White Cat
--You are my shadow, you follow me everywhere I go. I'd like to be the first to tell you that sidling up to my feet can (and has, quite often) get you stepped on. Plus, it may endanger my life if I'm on the top of the stairs. No me may equal SPCA for you if your designated guardians get cold feet. Also, showers and going to the bathroom are solitary activities. There is no need for you to supervise. You are, however, a great "living stuffed animal," especially since I wake up with you curled up in my arms each morning.

Dear Tortoiseshell
--You've had a tough time of it, my onetime feral cat. You've come quite a long way. But I hope you would know and trust me well enough by now not to run for your life whenever I approach the kitchen, or any room for that matter. It's been five years and I've never so much as raised my voice to you. It's time to move on from your earlier traumas. Also, I appreciate that among your many issues--dandruff, halitosis, gassiness, constantly running eyes--you also sneeze a lot. I just wish you would point your sneezes to one of your feline siblings. I get grossed out by the constant stream of cat snot that comes my way. But I'm so pleased to have gained your trust and love. You are a precious gift, my onetime "Lucifer" kitty.

Dear Tuxedo
--You are the Mary Poppins of cats...practically perfect in every way. Your endless dignity is admirable. However, I wish that you could manage not to shed gigantic clumps of black hair everywhere. Also, is there anyway you could turn color, even if it is just to get a few extra white spots. In the dark I can't tell the difference between you and a pile of clothes.

Dear Tabby
--You are 12 but still as small as a kitten. And unfortunately Orange Cat terrorizes you and you hide under the bed. I only see you during meal times...my meals. My one complaint with you, my hairy princess, is that you WILL NOT let me brush you. This is becoming a problem, especially since you keep coughing up one hairball after another. I'm done with chasing you all over the house, too, to cut off your mats. Your revenge tactic on my favorite shirt last year did not go unnoticed, and was most certainly not appreciated. However, I adore you. I just wish you wouldn't fight me so much when I go to pick you up and kiss you.

Love, Human Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Fee on April 12, 2010, 08:42:50 PM
Dear Cat.

Why with the boxes? Especially the ones I am currently packing!! You aren't helping (unless helping me procrastinate is concidered helping). I can't take you with me either, and even if I could, for some reason I don't think that being packed into a box and hauled across country should be your first choice for travel.

Love your mummy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Chinchillazilla on April 12, 2010, 09:46:54 PM
Dear Manny,
Your big fluffy white tummy is irresistible. Please stop exposing it and then attacking people who innocently stroke it. What are you, a venus flytrap?
Love,
Me

Why are you writing to my cat? And why are you calling him Manny? His name is Mayonnaise  ;)

 :D Hahaha, Manny's actually a girl (her name was Maggie, but my baby cousin could only say "Manny" and she actually answers to it).

I think Mayonnaise is an adorable name for a cat.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: jazzywoo on April 13, 2010, 05:10:06 AM
Dear Puss,

You know I've put your litterbox in the bathroom because it's the only 'wet area' in my unit. 

When I'm using the facilities, I feel kind of creeped out when you waltz in, have a look at me, and think 'Hey, that's a good idea, I'll go too!'.

I'm also not much up for you jumping up on my lap in the same situation for a cuddle.  There are far more appropriate times.

Scratching the shower screen will not spread your litter.

I let you outside for a couple of hours EVERY day. You know that. If you could refrain from begging to come inside to use your litterbox, that would be appreciated as well.

And finally, I still cannot understand why the best face rubs you receive are from my steaming hot, completely full coffee mug.  Hot coffee hurts me!

Love, your slave.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: sparklestar on April 13, 2010, 06:51:30 AM
Dear Sparkle,

Mummy knows when you climb up the chimney.  I know you fastidiously go find the most expensive rug and roll on it till you are clean, but when you climb up and knock down soot, your little grimy footprints tell me exactly where you have been, as does the big smudge on the carpet! 

My next plea is for your own safety, please don't kill the wasps.  They will kill mummy if they sting her and I suspect make you very very ill.  We leave the wasps alone with the windows open and doors closed until they decide to fly out.  We do not pry the door open, launch ourselves at them, claws out, whilst yowling like a harpie.  Not only is it not very ladylike, it's also very dangerous. 

Lastly, don't bite daddy - he doesn't understand you are a lethal predator and liable to kill at any second.  He just gets cross and shouts at you.  And then you run to me for hugs and he shouts at me too!  Mark my words, there will be NO hugs when you bite daddy and he yells at you, it is your own fault.

Love,
your person
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ginlyn32 on April 13, 2010, 10:02:44 AM
Dear Buddy the Cat:

Yes, Mommy loves you very much. But please to stop pouncing on me at o'dark:30 a.m.! Mommy loves her sleep and is very cranky to be woken up before she has to. You have a full food feeder and water feeder.

Please to stop checking what I am doing on the big round seat with the hole in it. No, you may NOT drink out of it!

My computer is not a cat toy. You have lots of mousies and bell-balls...go play with  those.

No, I am not going to abandon you every time I leave the house. You do not need to follow me around and get in between my feet. I almost tripped on you.

And I must apologize in advance...you are loosing your boy parts on Thursday! But I will buy you lots of kitty treats and give you lots of hugs and kisses.

Love Mommy

(ginlyn)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: StaciNadia on April 13, 2010, 12:47:48 PM
Dear Manny,
Your big fluffy white tummy is irresistible. Please stop exposing it and then attacking people who innocently stroke it. What are you, a venus flytrap?
Love,
Me

Why are you writing to my cat? And why are you calling him Manny? His name is Mayonnaise  ;)

 :D Hahaha, Manny's actually a girl (her name was Maggie, but my baby cousin could only say "Manny" and she actually answers to it).

I think Mayonnaise is an adorable name for a cat.

Do we all have the same cat?  I'd swear you were writing to my Cookie!  The most precious belly, but he scratches and bites if you dare to touch it most of the time (sometimes he lets me)!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hushabye on April 13, 2010, 01:26:00 PM
Dear Tesla,

I know how much you'd love to sleep in the bedroom with us at night, all snuggled up like the little family we are, but it's really only going to work if you can tone down the purr from "jet engine" to "light rumble."  Otherwise you just keep waking us up, and that's not good for anyone.

Love,
SS

Dear Prometheus,

With you, it's not the purring.  You weren't doing any of that last night.  But the pouncing on any moving body part under the covers?  Uncool and unlikely to get you bedroom privileges.  Just sayin'.

Love,
SS
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on April 14, 2010, 10:38:34 AM
Dear Scooter,

I know that you are a very independent kitty.  That is why I really value the time you are willing to spend cuddling with me in bed. However, I would really appreciate it if you didn't hit the bed like a fighter jet coming in on a carrier.  Walking up is more likely to get a nice response.

Love,
Momcat

Dear Smudge kitten,

Doing a warp speed bank shot off my butt in the middle of the night will get you booted out of the bedroom. It will get you booted even faster if we are...otherwise occupied....

Love,
Momcat

P.S.  I really think it's adorable how you put your arms around my neck, bury your nose in my hair and purr your heart out.  I really love you, baby girl.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mechtilde on April 14, 2010, 10:42:14 AM
Dear Magnus,

Please, please pretty please will you stop wandering around under my feet? I really don't want to tread on you.

It would also be appreciated if you would either  1) start washing again, or 2) let me cut the knots off your tummy without savaging me.

Oh and eat. Please.

Mechtilde
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ChristiKayAnn on April 14, 2010, 10:50:48 AM
Dear Neko and Kichi,

You are not starving. there is food in both, yes I said both, of the gravity feeders. Following me around yelling while I get dressed for the day because you want your treat food is annoying. It is even more annoying when I fix your treat food for you and you sniff it look at me like I am trying to poisin you and walk away. especially when I come home from work and both plates are licked clean so I know you actually like the treat food you just have to act like stuck up little snobs. I love you to pieces but really kitty-girls you are being irritating,

Love,
Mama

Ps. Kichi, I changed the food because Neko was growling at the old brand and wouldn't eat it. Unlike you she doesn't have any weight to loose in fact she could stand to gain about a pound. If you don't like the change eat the dry stuff or complain at your sister not me.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on April 14, 2010, 11:00:46 AM
Boy-cats,

We need to have a talk.  I know you like the screened in porch.  Really-yelling at the door will not convince me to let you out any faster.  In fact, it makes me want to avoid the door altogether.

Bob-we have bought you beds.  We have bought you kitty towers.  We have bought you toys.  You have now decided that a cardboard box is your favorite sleeping spot/toy.  And that is okay.  But you need to understand that, when you use a box as a toy, it falls apart.  Soon you will have neither bed nor toy.  And don't come complaining to me when that happens, okay?  Also-reaching out of the box to sharpen your claws on the computer chair is not as stealthy as you think it is.

Harry-you do not become invisible when you hide under things.  A 16 pound cat hiding under a little sleeping pad is NOT invisi-cat.  Honestly, you are hanging out at both ends.  And in the middle.  And you make a big lump.  Bob isn't fooled either-and he does know you are there if you take a swipe at his tail when he goes by.

Both of you-you sleep all day.  Then you want to spend all night playing and cuddling.  That doesn't work for us-we have to go to work every day.  Let's see what we can do about staying up a little more in the day, and sleeping a little more at night, okay?

I am glad that you came to live with us and, after your former home, it is wonderful that you have settled in with us so well.  I am amazed at how friendly you are, that you don't have litter box problems, and that you are just the sweetest kitties on the planet.  But please, please, please, let me go potty and shower alone.  I don't harass you when you go to the bathroom or bathe, do I?

(see page 2 of the newsletter for the boy-cats story, if you are interested).
http://www.tablemountainanimals.org/tablemountaintales.pdf (http://www.tablemountainanimals.org/tablemountaintales.pdf)

Lynn  (she who throws tennis balls for you to chase)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hushabye on April 14, 2010, 01:29:34 PM
Dear boys,

Yes, that substance that I tracked into the house from the flowerbed last night does indeed appear to be catnip.  No, you did not need to fight over who got to lay in the last spot of it there on the floor.  And yes, I am going to get you harnesses on my way home so that you can go out and roll in the gloriousness outside to get your fix rather than trying to lick it off the floor.  Who knows, maybe I'll even transplant some of it permanently into the flowerbed for you...  (But only for the lulz! ;D)

Love,
SS
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: 8cowwife on April 15, 2010, 12:41:07 PM
Dear Flower,

That thing at the end of your body is your tail.  It is now and will always be permanently attached to your body.  Chasing it won't make it go away, it only makes us laugh at you while you run in circles.  It's even more entertaining to hear you jumping around in the tub trying to catch your tail.

Dear Thumper,

Quit sitting at the door meowing sadly and looking at me with the kitty cat eyes.  I know you only want to go outside to eat grass, come back in and then barf it back up.  Usually right in my path to the bathroom from the bed, and always in the middle of the night.  Other than that we love your big cute fluffiness.

Love, me 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: katcheya on April 15, 2010, 01:36:06 PM
Dear B'deine,

I was very glad to learn that you accepted me back into your good graces after last night's unfortunate incident (i.e. bathtime.)  I do appreciate that you let me know right away, as opposed to letting things drag on forever while passive-aggressively eyeing me from afar.  However, may I kindly request that you improve upon the means to which you made your acceptance clear?  Being awoken at 4:00 AM by claws digging into my back wasn't exactly the best way to start the day.  I understand that, when we make up, you enjoy cuddling up to me.  Deciding that my back is the best place to lie down and demonstrate your cuddly affection, while I lay sleeping on my tummy, wasn't exactly the wisest choice as rolling over in bed is something that humans do very often.

Hugs and love,

katcheya
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: amandaelizabeth on April 15, 2010, 04:47:49 PM
Dear Babbage

I am amazed to learn that you have been following this thread and now have a lot more bad habits in your repertoire.  My amazement is because when you bounce around on the keyboard, the screen whizzes before my eyes, so that I cannot read it, so I am a loss at how you managed.

By the way I do want to apologise for the kitchen incidence last night.  Yes I do know that you want to sample any food sitting around.  However I thought I was safe because the chill was a) hot - both physically and chemically, and b) it was vegetarian and contained only beans.  I did refrain from telling you 'I told you so", and your dad did feed you a large portion of ice cream in an effort to cool your insides down.  However did you have to sleep with us last night and express your displeasure so pungently?

she who paid money for you
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ginlyn32 on April 15, 2010, 05:14:35 PM
Dear Buddy the Cat:

Baby, mommy is soo sooo sooooo sorry that I had to take you to the Kitty Doctor. I know you don't like going for a ride in the box...and the doggie scared you.

but you will feel so much better and stop clawing our furniture.

I can't wait to see you on Saturday. Hugs and lots of kisses and treats.

Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on April 15, 2010, 05:27:09 PM
Mouse:

I love you.  I even love you when you back up to furniture, quiver your tail, and act for all the world like you're spraying it.  I especially love that nothing comes out.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: little bird on April 15, 2010, 05:36:46 PM
Dear Isobel,

It is very awkward when you leap into my lap while I am peeing.  Just sayin'.

Your loving mama
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeGirl on April 15, 2010, 06:57:32 PM
Dear Stitchie Boy

Trying to catch the "stream" when Daddy uses the human litter box will only get you yelled at, and then bathed. 

Love Mummy


Dear Daddy

Please remember to shut the freakin' door when you use the toilet.  I don't appreciate having to bathe the kitty after he gets wet.

Love Mummy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: WolfWay on April 19, 2010, 05:27:32 AM
Dear Neko,

Yes, you are a mighty hunter. Please stop bringing me earthworms.

I do not want earthworms alive.
I do not want earthworms dead.
I do not want earthworms in the bathtub.
I do not want earthworms in my bed.

I do not want earthworms on the lounge floor.
I do not want earthworms on the passage mat.
I do not want earthworms alive and wriggly.
I do not want earthworms squashed and dead.

I do not want earthworms on the doormat.
I do not want earthworms on the the kitchen floor.
I do not want earthworms wiggling in my bedroom.
I do not want earthworms hiding behind the kitchen door.

I'm pretty sure the neighbors aren't too chuffed with my surprised shrieks either.

Stop please.

Love
Mummy.


Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Akarui Kibuno on April 19, 2010, 07:16:05 AM
Dear Tsuki,

You're a cute 8 months old kitten, and I love you. You adopted my sister as your Mom, and that's fine.

You like to go out, that is fine, too. Except...

When you don't come back before bedtime because you'd rather chase butterflies around the building, fine.

When you decide you'll try to open the front door yourself by jumping on the handle at 2 AM... not fine. Grandma was asleep and told your dearest Auntie (me) to go check, and there you were.

Even less okay than that is you going to grab a bite in your food bowl, and then deciding you'll jump on your Mommy's bedroom door handle... and go park yourself on her behind, massaging her, and purring loudly while she sleeps! Grandma went to check on your Momma and asked if she should take you off her, but your Momma loves you and said it was okay.

In summary, dear Tsuki:

Can you tell me how you got this idea of jumping on door handles to open doors  ;D ?

Much love,

Auntie Me
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: HollysCats on April 19, 2010, 10:39:34 AM
I do not want earthworms alive.
I do not want earthworms dead.
I do not want earthworms in the bathtub.
I do not want earthworms in my bed.

But you do want green earthworms, as long as they come with ham, right?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Giggity on April 19, 2010, 12:18:47 PM
You two are also hosting the Kitty Olympics in my apartment.  The Hall Dash, the High Climb, and the singing contests are not appreciated.

Aaaaah, in my place that's the Kitten Rodeo. I even wrote part of a song about it (to be sung to the tune of Garth Brooks' "Rodeo"):

They're up and down
They're round and round
They're over and under stuff

Tuggin' and flippin
And bitin' and nippin'
And sometimes things get rough

It's a big Maine Coon
And a ginger too
It's tradition, don'tcha know

When you hear something break
In the middle of the night
It's the Kitten Rodeo!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Giggity on April 19, 2010, 04:21:23 PM
Dear Luke:

You are a big cat. You don't realize it, because you don't look in the mirror much, but at 10 months old and 13 pounds you are a BIG CAT.*

As such, you are hereby prohibited from taking a run through the house, leaping up, and clinging vertically to the window screen until I squirt you with water.

And also, that nice shell curtain in front of the kitchen window? It's there for decor, not for kittening. That you were grabbing a shell in your mouth, running up the stairs, and letting it go so it shook all the others up and raised a racket, then jumping at all the shell strands ... funny, yes, but if the thing comes out of the wall Mama will be displeased.

Love,

Your Mom who is decor-challenged and couldn't figure out how to fix the drywall you'll break doing that

PS. Stay out of the yarn baskets, you little nimrod.




Dear Bo:

You are the small one. As you and Luke grow, you will remain the small one. This will never change. It will only intensify. Therefore, you are advised to quit bouncing on Luke all savage-like, because someday he will realize that he outweighs you by at least a factor of three and will EAT YOU, which is hardly far-fetched considering he eats everything including Mom's yarn.

Love,

Your Mom who sorta likes you, in spite of your being a weird mix of cat, snake, and monkey
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Black Delphinium on April 19, 2010, 05:49:10 PM
Dear Miss Maya-

That CIA certification has yet to appear. How many times do I have to tell you that you aren't allowed in the kitchen without it?

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Daffydilly on April 19, 2010, 08:37:40 PM
Dear Boo,
Please do not give me the big sad eyes when I'm cleaning your owners house. Yes, I know I was told I can give you treats and play with you during my breaks. But the deep groans and mournful sighs don't work when I know you've had breakfast. Please go play with your puppy brother... I have a list of things to do and will take a break at lunch.
Puppy friend who cleans the house

Dear Bong,
Why did you have to join Boo in the sad eyes and whimper choir at the window? I just cleaned that dadgumit thing, and now I've got puppy eyeballs imprinted on it. Yes, I know you want treats now. Yes, I know you want to play now...

Dear Houseowners,
Yes, we have been friends for years. And I appreciate being able to socialize with your lovely dogs. And I'm glad you've taught me about their little tricks. Please ignore the puppy snack wrappers in the garbage. The treats were mysteriously in my pocket when I arrived this morning.
And yes, your puppies are very happy and well exercised when you get home. Your home is clean and now I need to get the puppy drool and grass stains out of my pants. It has been a nice day outside.
Sincerely,
Puppy friend who cleans the house
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on April 20, 2010, 07:57:28 AM
Dear Hero,

I'm sorry, but Bonny's staying.  You'll have to get used to it and come outof the bathroom eventually. 

Love,
Momma
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on April 20, 2010, 09:55:46 AM
Dear Misty:

You are a 12 lb BIG CAT.  When you jump on Mommy's tummy in the morning, you HURT me!  And you have lots and lots of fur.  You can please not sit on my face and make me remove you.

Dear Blackie:

Don't get mad at your sister when you were the one letting your tail hang over a chair and she chooses to grab it in between her paws.  It's not fair to yowl and hiss and act as if the world is coming to an end.  She's just doing what kittehs do.

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on April 20, 2010, 12:07:44 PM
Dear Spike,

We are aware that you are a very intelligent cat - and a surprisingly strong one. This was demonstrated when you learned to open cupboard doors, and again when we caught you closing them behind you. I am sure it is very frustrating that your sister will not learn to do this on her own.

However, shutting her in cupboards will not teach her how to open them.

That is all.

Love,
Mum.

 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on April 20, 2010, 12:35:47 PM
Dear Mouse,
We've had this conversation before.  It is NOT my fault that it is raining.  I know you want to go outside to go potty.  I applaud this.  However, you have two choices.  Run outside and go fast and Mommy will dry you off when you get back.  Or use the litter box inside.  Now, I know you hate having to use the litter box.  However, this was your choice this morning.  Please to stop the tortured meowing as you take the long, lonely walk to poo.  Next time, just go outside.  It will be easier on all of us and this rain is scheduled for 3 days.

Mommy loves you!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: siamesecat2965 on April 20, 2010, 02:58:55 PM
Dear Boris (again)
I know you think we haven't yet figured out how the pretty bisque Christmas angel figurerines ended up on the floor below the mantle, but knowing how you can't resist swiping things off flat surfaces, we have a pretty good idea of who is responsible.

Also, you know that painting that's hung above the fireplace?  I promise there's no secret door behind it, so you can stop pulling it back with your paw, and peering behind it.  We know you are the cause of the crooked picture because Grandma SAW you doing it.

Finally, you thought you were being stealthy sneaking the kitty food, but we heard the loud thump as you knocked the bag onto the floor, then Grandpa saw two black paw attached to YOUR front legs pulling it underneath the full length cabinets on the back porch.  Nice try.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Yarnspinner on April 20, 2010, 05:50:41 PM
Dear Beloved Kitty Such,

Has Mommy ever ONCE hunkered down next to you and stuck HER face in YOUR Purina?  Has she? 
Does Mommy always make sure that you have something nice to eat (whether it's the Purina, the Babyfood with beef flavor you love or the Tender Treats?  Yes, she does.

So, please, allow Mommy the privilege of eating HER dinner without the introduction of YOUR paw into her dinner.  Trying to catch my hand while I am raising the spoon to my lips is not acceptable either.  And that gum that I am chewing on is not good for you.  So trying to take my upper lip off to get at the peppermint is NOT a good idea...last time I had to use a glass of wine to detoxify the wound.

I love you, I worship you, I idolize your purring, but enough is plenty!  Mommy eats from her dish and you eat from yours.

Lots of Love,

Mommy Such
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Yarnspinner on April 20, 2010, 05:52:20 PM
Dear Spike,

We are aware that you are a very intelligent cat - and a surprisingly strong one. This was demonstrated when you learned to open cupboard doors, and again when we caught you closing them behind you. I am sure it is very frustrating that your sister will not learn to do this on her own.

However, shutting her in cupboards will not teach her how to open them.

That is all.

Love,
Mum.

 

Must not spit water on computer screen!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: xena2560 on April 20, 2010, 08:15:47 PM
Dear Spike,

This is Xena's cat, Widget.  If you promise to show me how to get into cupboards, I promise to show you how to shake paw.  Way to get stupid humans to give us treats.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on April 20, 2010, 09:45:47 PM
Dear Spike,

This is Xena's cat, Widget.  If you promise to show me how to get into cupboards, I promise to show you how to shake paw.  Way to get stupid humans to give us treats.



Dear Widget and Spike,

If you can do all that, have you figured out how to open real doors yet?  Mom has a room full of tuna treats, catnip and empty boxes to play in, we are sure (she won't let us in there).  I can reach the magic silver thing they use to open it, but I can't quite get it open yet.  I really want to go in there.  If you can teach me, I will share the bounty!

Purrs and headbutts,

Bob (Lynn's boss)

PS Harry says that he can open and close cabinet doors too, but that is because I taught him how...but he can get one regular door to open just by headbutting it just right.  I haven't got the hang of that one yet.

PPS Mom just said that the tuna treat and catnip room is really full of glass and pointy things, but we don't believe her a bit.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hushabye on April 20, 2010, 09:56:34 PM
Dear Widget, Spike, Bob and Harry,

There's a trick to opening cabinets wherein you stand on your back paws, put your front paws on the lip of the cabinet door at the top and then walk it slowly backwards until it's completely open.  Then you can waltz in and out at your discretion or convince your fellow kitties to climb inside and push the door shut on them.

Bonus: If you lose your grip, the cabinet doors bounce shut with lots of fun "band" sounds, which annoy your human servants to no end.  Double bonus if you do it in the middle of the night.

Sincerely,
Prometheus

PS: Tesla says that if you play your cards right in choosing which cabinets to open, you sometimes get rewarded with awesome stuff like plastic bags to play with.  And on occasion they have people food in them, which is no bueno for eating but muy bueno for playing with!

PPS: Try not to get caught doing this if you keep waking your humans up with the cabinet-banging.  They'll go to the store and buy something for the door that keeps it from opening anymore at kitty paws.  But the human servants can still open them.  It must be a size thing.  Maybe if I put on a few more pounds, I'll be strong enough to open the darned things anyway...
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on April 20, 2010, 10:19:03 PM
Dear Widget, Spike, Bob and Harry,

There's a trick to opening cabinets wherein you stand on your back paws, put your front paws on the lip of the cabinet door at the top and then walk it slowly backwards until it's completely open.  Then you can waltz in and out at your discretion or convince your fellow kitties to climb inside and push the door shut on them.

Bonus: If you lose your grip, the cabinet doors bounce shut with lots of fun "band" sounds, which annoy your human servants to no end.  Double bonus if you do it in the middle of the night.

Sincerely,
Prometheus

PS: Tesla says that if you play your cards right in choosing which cabinets to open, you sometimes get rewarded with awesome stuff like plastic bags to play with.  And on occasion they have people food in them, which is no bueno for eating but muy bueno for playing with!

PPS: Try not to get caught doing this if you keep waking your humans up with the cabinet-banging.  They'll go to the store and buy something for the door that keeps it from opening anymore at kitty paws.  But the human servants can still open them.  It must be a size thing.  Maybe if I put on a few more pounds, I'll be strong enough to open the darned things anyway...

Dear Prometheus,

I have the cabinet door thing down.  The servants quit putting fun stuff in the lower cabinets.  But have you figured out how to open the big doors yet?  I really want to go into the rooms that the servants have kept me out of....it is my house so I should be able to go there.  And Harry is no help.  Once he figured out one door, he was content and won't help me with all the others.

I can reach the magic button if I stand up on my back feet.  But I can't get the darned doors to open.

Bob (the eternally curious one)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hushabye on April 20, 2010, 10:22:59 PM
Dear Bob,

That's a no-go on the big doors.  Well, except for all the ones in the house that don't actually latch (but they don't go anywhere fun).  I'm not quite a year old, though, so I haven't been at this for too long and I'm not tall enough to reach the turn-y thing the human servants seem to use.  Although if Tesla and I use a double-teaming approach when they're going in or out of the forbidden zones, I've found at least one of us can usually make it through.  That's almost as good as being able to open the darned thing myself (or maybe better; then I don't have to do any work!).  If I figure it out, I'll let you know.

Prometheus
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Chinchillazilla on April 20, 2010, 11:05:02 PM
Dear boys,

It was very mean of you to leave the back half of a cricket in the kitchen floor, and then, when I leaned close to see what the heck it was, to tap it, somehow causing the legs to spring and making it leap up several inches. Impressive, I will give you that (I mean, how did it even DO that?), but VERY MEAN.

Also, Tinycat? My bellybutton is a vulnerable spot. Please don't bite it. Thank you.

Love,
Me
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: WolfWay on April 20, 2010, 11:09:22 PM
Dear Bob, Prometheus, Spike, Widget et al

It takes two co-ordinated cats to open big doors. One jumps on the handle, the other pushes the door open. This is why mummy has taken to locking the kitchen door at night.

Warmest Regards,
Mai Thai and Mr Chang.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on April 22, 2010, 12:39:40 AM
Dear Oscar

Sitting directly behind me when I'm at the kitchen bench will only get you stood upon.  And hiding behind the bookshelf to jump out at me when I walk past seems to scare you a whole heck of a lot more than it does me.  Also, now that its getting colder and I'm turning on the heat lamps in the bathroom before I shower - your 'sunbathing' impression is just so darned cute!

Love
Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on April 22, 2010, 05:55:56 AM
Dear Widget, Spike, Bob and Harry,

There's a trick to opening cabinets wherein you stand on your back paws, put your front paws on the lip of the cabinet door at the top and then walk it slowly backwards until it's completely open.  Then you can waltz in and out at your discretion or convince your fellow kitties to climb inside and push the door shut on them.

Bonus: If you lose your grip, the cabinet doors bounce shut with lots of fun "band" sounds, which annoy your human servants to no end.  Double bonus if you do it in the middle of the night.

Sincerely,
Prometheus

PS: Tesla says that if you play your cards right in choosing which cabinets to open, you sometimes get rewarded with awesome stuff like plastic bags to play with.  And on occasion they have people food in them, which is no bueno for eating but muy bueno for playing with!

PPS: Try not to get caught doing this if you keep waking your humans up with the cabinet-banging.  They'll go to the store and buy something for the door that keeps it from opening anymore at kitty paws.  But the human servants can still open them.  It must be a size thing.  Maybe if I put on a few more pounds, I'll be strong enough to open the darned things anyway...

Dear Prometheus,

If you slide your paw under the door and pull, you can open it much more easily. And if the silly humans object and lock it, it still makes that really cool banging noise!

Good for annoying the humans who lock things but also good for waking them up. If they are going to lock up the food, they have to be more prompt with din-din - none of this 'wait a minute - junk. All that napping makes me hungry.

Sincerely, Mikey


Dear Mikey,

You bang that cupboard one more time young man, and you are cat steak!!! You understand?!? Mommy has enough trouble sleeping without having to get up in the middle of the night to stop a hilarious game of "Break the Cupboard'.

And mommy does not get up on time to feed you if she has had no sleep, you nut. Go play with your three thousand quiet toys for a change, hmm? Please?

Sincerely, Feeder And Snuggler of Kittehs
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Miss Vertigo on April 22, 2010, 06:00:53 AM
Talking of doors:

Dear Weedster,

When Mummy shuts the bedroom door at night, with you on the other side of it, it is a signal that she needs some sleep without you jumping on her head all night. It is *not* a signal for you to scratch the door so hard that Mummy wakes up the next morning and finds door paint all over the floor. Really, it is not.

Love,
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Dazi on April 22, 2010, 06:13:56 AM
Dear Squeak,

Yes, I am very proud that you finally learned to "talk".  No, you do not need to show me every time you see me.  I promise I didn't forget.

Dazi
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Giggity on April 26, 2010, 09:35:57 AM
Dear Luke:

You are a cat. Repeat: YOU ARE A CAT. You are not a dog. I realize that you're almost as big as many dogs, but a cat you are. (We checked.)

That being the case, what on earth gave you the idea to eat Dad's Croc at three in the morning?

Simple math here, please to learn it. Rubber shoe =/= kitten food.

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: jayhawk on April 26, 2010, 03:59:27 PM
Dear Abbie-Cat:

You've been with us a year now and I still can't believe how beautiful your Liz Taylor-violet eyes are!  Still, we do need to discuss a couple of items:
1.  re:  the dog.  yes, he's not too smart, but he's harmless.  You really don't need to hiss at him when he gets within 3 feet of you.
2.  again, the dog.  Please don't eat his food, just cuz you're too darn lazy to jump on the washer to eat yours.
3.  you really need to be an inside cat - it's too dangerous here for kitties to roam.  As such, I'd like for you to stop using your claws to open the screen door when we have the french doors open to cool the house.

Thank you for your coooperation,
The Staff
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: artisticgal on April 26, 2010, 07:40:32 PM
Dear Gato-

Yes, I understand that you like my lemon-mint shower gel. Yes, I know it smells like catnip. And yes, we all know how much you loooooove catnip. And we all know how you love water. But please do me a favor and stop getting into the shower and tub with me. It's no fun having a wet kitty running through the house. Also, the hair balls in the drain are not fun to remove.

Love, your food provider
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on April 26, 2010, 10:24:42 PM
Dear Jack,

We know you want to go out. We know you want to go out more than anything, and when you do manage to slip outside, you will run like the wind and will be very hard to catch.

So it was *very* funny the other day when we had the window open right next to the birdfeeder, and you could no longer STAND watching a cardinal 2 feet away from you, and you leapt for it. In the process, you knocked the screen out of the window, which hit the birdfeeder, which made the cardinal fly away while peanuts and sunflower seeds scattered everywhere. And you fell about 8 feet to the ground.

That was funny enough on its own. But the part where The Sweetie dashed outside to see if you were OK, and you went running up her and leapt into her arms with an air of "Mom! Mom! I wanted the, the bird, and then this big thing fell down, and, and, and, it was REALLY loud and hit me and scared me, and I didn't even get the BIRD!" Remember that part?

That was funny!

Love,
The Other Big Pink Thing.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: FunkyMunky on April 27, 2010, 12:10:06 AM
Dear Socrates,

I know my mac and cheese smells great to you, but we've discussed this - you may not eat human food until it is offered to you.

Also, we had 'that thing' done to you so you wouldn't make any baby black furry critters. Its other benefit was so you wouldn't need to mark the house. So stop peeing on stuff! The walls and curtains were bad enough, but if you go near the electronics again, your cuteliness may not protect you.

Dear Cougar,

Why on earth do you insist on attacking loaves of bread? That's two whole loaves this month that your big dopey brother forgot to put away that you've destroyed.

Dear Henry and Higgins,

Yes, having guests is lovely, but that's no reason to keep them awake all night alternately purring at and attacking them.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: WolfWay on May 13, 2010, 11:39:17 PM
Dear Neko,

You are a cat. You are supposed to be a model of grace and elegance. You are not meant to careen around my house like a drunken hippo on rollerskates. If you break one more thing this week, I'm renaming you to "Gozer the Destroyer" and all your kitty friends will laugh at you.

love and rockets,
Mummy.

P.S. I saw you ski sideways across the table and fall off the edge with an undignified ka-thump. It was hilarious and cute when you were a kitten, but now that you're an adult I worry you're going to hurt yourself.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on May 14, 2010, 12:18:20 AM
To the Master of Disaster;

Congratulations, you have now managed to smash every vase in the house *except* the ugly one I got last Christmas, which I have left precariously balanced on the edge of the coffee table. If you could just give it a nudge next time you are passing on your way to the window seat I would be most appreciative.

Also I know I left the memory stick hanging from the doorhandle by the lanyard, temptingly in the way of kitty paws, but it has all my important documents on it so please refrain from pulling it down and shooting it under the bookcase or the washing machine.

I would also like to take this time to address the issue of the couch and the rug. The couch, as you know, is white. You are grey. Therefore I know when you have been on it so there is no point giving me that 'who me?' look. The rug runs past my bedroom door, I can hear you when you're clawing it. My saying 'I can hear you!' constitutes your first warning. Be advised that if it continues and I make it off the bed and open the bedroom door there will be trouble and it will all be landing on you.

I have put the microfibre doona cover you like so much on the bed and if you're good today I will allow you to sleep on a corner of it tonight. Please chew your food, leave the dead mice outside and don't munch on the television cords.

And don't forget the vase.

Love,

The tall exasperated human who dispenses food.
 
P.S: please stop tormenting the chihuahua from apartment 13 by sitting somewhere he can't reach you and going nerny-nerny-ner at him. I've had about as much of the high pitched yapping as I can take.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: WolfWay on May 14, 2010, 12:45:20 AM
Dear Neko,

You are a cat. You are supposed to be a model of grace and elegance. You are not meant to careen around my house like a drunken hippo on rollerskates. If you break one more thing this week, I'm renaming you to "Gozer the Destroyer" and all your kitty friends will laugh at you.

love and rockets,
Mummy.

P.S. I saw you ski sideways across the table and fall off the edge with an undignified ka-thump. It was hilarious and cute when you were a kitten, but now that you're an adult I worry you're going to hurt yourself.

P.P.S. Please stop carpet-surfing the passageway rug all the way into the kitchen/garage. I know it's fun to run, jump and slide the loose rug up and down the passageway, but it's in the passageway so mummy doesn't lose her toes to frostbite on cold winter mornings when she has to dash along the tiled floor to the bathroom.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on May 14, 2010, 01:52:37 AM
Dear Molly,

We don't mind you lying on top of the PC; it's warm and it purrs, so it's good for kitties. However when static builds up in your fur, please do not get rid of the crackly sensation by reaching out a paw and putting it on mummy's leg.

Congratulations on discovering electricity. Now, even if you do think it's funny when mummy jumps and says bad words, lightning rod was not in the description when I got cats. Cut it out.

Regards,
The grounding service
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: TiredMum on May 14, 2010, 03:46:44 AM
Dear cats,

The VET said you should be on a calorie controlled diet.  So don't get all narky about it & push the paperwork off my desk.  It's been 2 months now so give it a rest.

Also the trampoline net is not built for an 8 kg cat to climb up, it will get damaged.


Signed

Your human slave to furry pussy cat perfection.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Giggity on May 14, 2010, 09:50:07 AM
Dear Luke:

Regarding the below. We appreciate that you did not re-eat Dad's Croc. However, we can't figure out why you deemed it necessary to drag said Croc into the kitchen last night, and to leave it there.

With a potato in it.

We are intrigued at your change of tactics, but we are confused by them as well. Is this a statement that you wish to carbo-load, or is it a signal of some sort to your cohorts and minions?

Trepidatiously,
Mom

Dear Luke:

You are a cat. Repeat: YOU ARE A CAT. You are not a dog. I realize that you're almost as big as many dogs, but a cat you are. (We checked.)

That being the case, what on earth gave you the idea to eat Dad's Croc at three in the morning?

Simple math here, please to learn it. Rubber shoe =/= kitten food.

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on May 17, 2010, 09:00:18 AM
Dear Luke:

Regarding the below. We appreciate that you did not re-eat Dad's Croc. However, we can't figure out why you deemed it necessary to drag said Croc into the kitchen last night, and to leave it there.

With a potato in it.

We are intrigued at your change of tactics, but we are confused by them as well. Is this a statement that you wish to carbo-load, or is it a signal of some sort to your cohorts and minions?

Trepidatiously,
Mom

Dear Luke:

You are a cat. Repeat: YOU ARE A CAT. You are not a dog. I realize that you're almost as big as many dogs, but a cat you are. (We checked.)

That being the case, what on earth gave you the idea to eat Dad's Croc at three in the morning?

Simple math here, please to learn it. Rubber shoe =/= kitten food.

Love,
Mom

Somehow, I read that as "carrots and onions", though considering the croc was in the kitchen with a potato, maybe the cohorts & minions ARE carrots & onions.  ;)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: jayhawk on May 17, 2010, 01:25:00 PM
Dear Neko,


P.S. I saw you ski sideways across the table and fall off the edge with an undignified ka-thump. It was hilarious and cute when you were a kitten, but now that you're an adult I worry you're going to hurt yourself.


THAT IS SO FUNNY!!!! (so long as Neko didn't hurt himself).
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: siamesecat2965 on May 17, 2010, 02:26:30 PM
Dear Neko,


P.S. I saw you ski sideways across the table and fall off the edge with an undignified ka-thump. It was hilarious and cute when you were a kitten, but now that you're an adult I worry you're going to hurt yourself.


THAT IS SO FUNNY!!!! (so long as Neko didn't hurt himself).

Wonder if he's related to my late kitty Boris, who used to do the very same thing.  Graceful, that cat was NOT.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Twik on May 17, 2010, 03:02:44 PM
Dear Spencer: Please hold on a little longer, Mommy will be home within a week.  :-\
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: WolfWay on May 17, 2010, 11:49:18 PM
Dear Neko,


P.S. I saw you ski sideways across the table and fall off the edge with an undignified ka-thump. It was hilarious and cute when you were a kitten, but now that you're an adult I worry you're going to hurt yourself.


THAT IS SO FUNNY!!!! (so long as Neko didn't hurt himself).

Wonder if he's related to my late kitty Boris, who used to do the very same thing.  Graceful, that cat was NOT.
Neko was fine, although she was desperately trying to pretend nothing happened. ("I meant to do that!" <lick lick> <scamper>). She's a teeny tiny adult kitty, but she's built like a bulldog and as graceful as a drunken rhino on ice. ::)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: vorbau on May 17, 2010, 11:59:03 PM
Dear Pirate:

It's been four days and I still don't know what you're so upset about. You pooed in the shower Friday morning. Maybe you were upset about DH being gone. But DH got home yesterday and you still won't speak to him, and when he came to bed you jumped off the bed with the most offended look I've ever seen. What gives?

Dear Gracie and Katya:

You are cute. You are very cute. But I have two requests that you stop doing things that no amount of cuteness can excuse:

1. Please, if you want to sleep under the covers, stop sharpening your claws on my stomach. It's too hot to wear something heavy enough to keep your needly little claws out of my tender bits.

2. There is nothing wrong with exercise. There is, however, much wrong with staging the 2010 Kitty Olympics Combined Marathon, High Jump and 200-meter Dash at 2am, especially the part where you skid on the kitchen rugs and crash into the cookie sheets I left drying, and I scramble out of bed with a flashlight and my offduty weapon because I think we have burglars. If it wasn't for the fact that your eyes glow in my flashlight beam, you could have ended up either under arrest or another entry in the Ghost Story thread.

Dear Elly:

Stop being such a b-rhymes-with-witch. Yes, you are beautiful and yes you are a princess, but that doesn't excuse rudeness. EHell says so. Oh, and the hairballs? They belong on the carpet, not in my shoe. That's just gross.
Momma
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MinAvi on May 19, 2010, 06:53:06 AM
Dear Demon,

Yes the dog is stupid. Yes the dog is fun. Yes the dog will chase you if you run past hell-for-leather.

No it is not nice to swerve just before you reach the wooden door, as the dog can't stop that quick.

Yes, I know the dog is stupid enough to do this over and over, but you know better.

xxx

The dog's owner
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ChristiKayAnn on May 19, 2010, 11:25:05 AM
Dear Kichi,

I don't know why you felt the need to chew on the corner of the ottoman last night but it was funny when you got too energetic about it and fell off the ottoman onto your head. Almost as funny as a couple of weeks ago when you bolted off the desk and tripped over your own four feet because you sat on my phone and butt dialed a non-existant number and the phone vibrated in protest.

I thought cats were supposed to be graceful.

Love and kisses,

Your mama (who should have named you grace so you would have some)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: vorbau on May 19, 2010, 04:47:43 PM
Dear Furchildren:

What is it with the top left corner of my laptop screen? Why do I keep finding hair, kitty fallout, and teeth marks on it? I know you love the laptop, but I thought that was limited to sleeping on the keyboard for warmth.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: PeytiePotatie on May 19, 2010, 07:07:48 PM
Dear Frank,

Please stop kicking the dog out of his bed. It is very cute when you curl up with him in either the doggy bed or the desk chair, but he gives me the sad eyes from the floor when your furry butt has edged him out. Also, what's with the licking and then biting? Are you taste-testing me? I am not a delicious snack, I promise.

Finally, you are a handsome cat, and a funny cat, and a sweet cat...but you are not a smart cat. We may need to put you in remedial kitty school to take classes like "doors are solid, and you can't go through them" and "if someone says NO and squirts you with a water bottle 100 times, maybe you shouldn't do that thing for the 101st time." Did you get dropped on your noggin as a kitten?

Love,
The One with the Warm Lap

PS - Sorry about the name. We didn't pick it. But it doesn't really matter - not like you answer to it anyway.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MissRose on January 31, 2011, 06:04:02 AM
Awwww LOL much enjoyed the kitty stories  ;D

More more.... (as I cannot have any cats where I live)....
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on January 31, 2011, 10:11:38 AM
Dear Boy-cats,

I remember that it was 70F on Friday.  You went out on the porch, I went for a motorcycle ride.  All was good.  Saturday saw you lounging on the porch, basking in the nice weather again.  Well-some of the time.  And we need to discuss that.  If you are going to complain to go out on the porch all the time, it is only good manners to do so when the opportunity presents itself.  Coming back inside to sleep on the couch makes your Food Provider Unit think you don't appreciate her efforts to let you go out and watch the squirrels.

However, the big thing today is to remember that it is, in fact, winter.  It is snowing today.  You cannot go on the porch.  No matter how much you complain.  You will be unhappy if I give in.  So stop it.  Now.

And, for the record, the fridge is in charge when I leave.  You two cannot be trusted to make good decisions.

Love and hugs,
Lynnv
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on January 31, 2011, 10:32:22 AM

And, for the record, the fridge is in charge when I leave.  You two cannot be trusted to make good decisions.


;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: SamiHami on January 31, 2011, 10:50:30 AM
Dear Sammy,

You know I adore you.  Daddy and I love spoiling you with treats and toys and lots of love.  But I draw the line at your latest habit of stealing my pillow.  I'm getting tired of waking up in the middle of the night to realize that my head has been pushed off the pillow and you are stretched out as much as you can, leaving no room for me.  And don't try to say that I moved my head in my sleep all by myself---I wasn't quite asleep the other night when I felt your little paws pushing my head!

Enough of the devilishness!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Arrynne on January 31, 2011, 11:27:42 AM
Quote

Thank you.
Twin boys and 'special' cats are a laugh a minute.

Is anyone else's cat stinky or is it just ours? Luigi is the master of silent but deadly emmissions yet his sister, who eats exactly the same food, is not.

Maybe it is just a boy thing.

One of my roommate's cats was the queen of stink-bombs.   Changing her food made a huge difference.   I had a date over one night. While we were watching a movie on the couch, the kitten snuck up behind us and let out a HUGE stinky. I was mortified and kept repeating "It wasn't me! It was the cat!".    He did go out with me after that, but I'm not sure he believed me.

My Siamese, Mr. Mumbles, was pretty stinky when we first got him from the SPCA.   The food we were feeding our orange tabby, Oskar G., was upsetting to Mr. Mumble's tummy.  We switched foods and he was much better.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Oxymoroness on January 31, 2011, 11:31:59 AM
Dear Finn,

I know that you do not like LittleOxy (and the feeling is mutual). Yes, you were here first, but she is more likely to take care of me in my old age, so she wins.

And I know that you do not like people coming over to your territory our house, but standing in the middle of the room and hissing is not a productive way to deal with it. Just go and hide like a normal cat already!

Love,
Your Human Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Arrynne on January 31, 2011, 03:06:57 PM
Dear Mr. Mumbles,

You have brought so much joy in my into my life this past year.  I adore your big blue eyes, Siamese good looks, and how you are always right there when I open my eyes in the morning.  You're my perfect "Little Asian Man".  I find your neurotic behavior towards water endearing, and I think it's adorable that you absolutely MUST have a drink if a human enters the room.  Please, please understand that I will turn on the water once I enter the bathroom for you, but I don't appreciate it when you YELL at me to do so.  I can only take so much first thing in the morning.  Also, while I love snuggling with you, you make it awfully hard to type.   It can be embarrassing to be on a conference call and need to shoo you away.

Darling Oskar G.,

You have been the light of our lives since we first smuggled you into our apartment as "Contraband Kitty" six years ago.  You have brought us more joy than I thought possible.  You have taught me that orange is beautiful.  I love how you snuggle between Daddy and me at night so we can drift off to sleep listening to your purring.  I don't appreciate the way you will deliberately knock things off of tables to show your displeasure at them being in your way.  I was especially displeased when I placed a centerpiece from my wedding onto an empty shelf and was rudely awakened that night by the sounds of shattering glass.  I sprang from my bed to find glass shards and marbles on the floor and a furry cat-butt where my decoration had been. Shelves are for books and knick-knacks, not for Oskar's. 

Daddy and I think it's really cute that you've adopted the Ikea sheepskin as your special friend.  We laughingly call it your girlfriend and think it's adorable the way you knead on it and make those throaty little "Mrows" while you do so. However, can you please leave my purple wubbie alone?   That's MY special blanket and doesn't need to be worn threadbare by you.  Also, Mr. Mumbles is here to stay.   He acknowledges that you are the Alpha-Male and does not need you to bite him on the neck and force him into submission daily. 

Much love,

CatMom

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Celany on January 31, 2011, 04:53:36 PM
Dear Bammy-Kins,

You are a ferocious and deadly hunter. If I were a mouse, I would quake in terror at the mere mention of your name. I am certain that there are no mousies in a two-apartment radius, because they have all heard stories of your exploits among their kind, and are terrified to get anywhere near the places where you stalk.

I would like to call to your attention that my feet are not, in fact, mousies. I know it can be confusing when they stick out from under the covers. I understand that they may look like some kind of exotic hairless, eyeless, tailless mousie. But they are actually attached to me, and I need them for many important things, like walking from where the cat food is kept to your food bowl.

It would greatly aid my getting up early in the morning if I were able to get a full night's sleep & not be woken repeatedly by your attacks on my feet. I know that you're a very smart boy; surely you've noticed by now that every time you attack the hairless-eyeless-tailless-bed mousies, that I wake up yelling and sometimes threatening to turn you into a hat?

It would be in the best interests of both of us if you confined your attacks to your amazing collection of fake mousies, kongs, balls, and crinkle-toys, and left my feet out of it.

Much love, and many, many kisses.

-Celany
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Moray on January 31, 2011, 06:44:10 PM
Dear Kitten Itten Itten,

I am fully aware that you have claimed my BF's lap as "yours" and that your snuggle-pet time is sacred. This is acceptable, since he was your Daddy before he became my BF. However, it is not acceptable for you to growl and throw a little hissy fit every time he pauses during snuggle-pets to squeeze my hand or pat my knee. If you don't want me there on the couch, then don't insist on snuggle-pets when BF and I are already having snuggle time ourselves. Seriously, Kitten, it has been almost four years now. I'm not going away.

Respectfully yours,
VorpalBunny

Dear Bob,

You are a dude among cats. I admire your fierce determination to protect your home, your humans and your "little sister" IBSMMPTPK. I love how laid back you are and the way you sleep with your head resting on my ankle. Thank you for bringing me your kills and respecting my preference to have them left on the doorstep and not my pillow. It has been such a joy to watch you go from grumpy and skittish to loving and playful. BF and I are so grateful to have you in our lives.

I do, however, have one point of contention. You may think you weigh as much as, say, a small mouse, but you are wrong. You actually weigh about 22 lbs. This means that when you try to walk on me or stand on me, it hurts! I love you and know you love me (after all, I am the bringer of food). Please don't bruise me anymore.

Love,
VorpalBunny


Dear IttyBittyStretchyMeepMeepPsychoTornadoPumaKitty,

I adore you more than words can possibly express. I have loved you since the moment I saw you, scared and malnourished and way too young to be away from your mama. I hope I've been a good mom to you. I love the way you burrow under the covers and purr so loud it wakes me from a deep sleep. It's a little weird when you try to suckle my fingers or lick my knees, but that's just part of your weirdness, and it makes you all the more special. I love the way you scoop dry food out of your bowl and throw it down the stairs just so you can chase it. Mommy is so proud of her little huntress. Your Daddy, Clompy loves you, too, and it brings him such joy that you run to meet him when he clomps down the stairs in his steel-toed boots. A word about Clompy: even if he does say you're "funny looking" I want you to know that we both think you're absolutely gorgeous, just the way you are. (You are pretty funny-looking by the way, but it's a good thing, I promise! What other cat looks like she was painted by Jackson Pollock? You're practically a work of art :) )

Now Meep, we must move to more serious subjects: although I love to have you snuggled in bed with me, there are times when I do not want you in the bed. It's not you, it's me. Last time Clompy and I were having "human time", I did not appreciate being treated as a "bed mouse". I promise I was not trying to attack BF and I did not need your assistance in subduing him, nor did he need your assistance in pinning me down. I appreciate your willingness to help, but we prefer to leave furry creatures out of our human time. I hope you will respect this in the future and not force me to shut you in the closet again.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: finecabernet on January 31, 2011, 08:16:11 PM
Dear Miranda:

You know I adore you. You have a funny, endearing personality, and you are my shadow. However, if you are going to insist being at my feet when I'm in the kitchen in the hopes that I will feed you again, you must expect to occasionally be stepped on. Also, lying down on my neck when I'm trying to watch TV both block the screen and my air passages, so please desist.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JeanFromBNA on January 31, 2011, 09:56:23 PM
Dear Harry Pudder,

You can't dope slap Mittens just for being Mittens.  Any other provocation is understandable, believe me.

Love,

Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on February 01, 2011, 02:29:33 AM
Dear Stephen,

We know you are that rare creature, a polydactyl cat with fingers and thumbs. Opening cupboards is annoying. However when you start working on deadbolts and second floor window latches, your owners begin to get worried. We are aware that the blackbird is taunting you by sitting on the gutter, but a two storey plunge is not good for cats and will be discouraged.

Also, when mummy is using the computer in a dark room, all alone in the house, standing up and putting your hand on her shoulder will result in a loud noise and sudden movement - not necessarily purring and tickles.*

Although sitting by your food dish, scooping food up on your paw and examining it doubtfully is cute. You can keep doing that - just please put the food back in the dish afterwards and don't wipe your foot disdainfully on the carpet.

Regards,
Mummy.

(* It feels, literally, like a child has put their hand on your shoulder and squeezed.)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: FlyingBaconMouse on February 01, 2011, 07:49:17 AM
Dear Jasper,

I don't know how you could have missed this, being such a smart tabby boy, but I can usually hear it when you hop in the bathtub (which you are NOT SUPPOSED TO DO). Even if I couldn't, the fact that you sit in there and warble to yourself  ("Mwhoa! Mroe!") when you are otherwise silent in day-to-day life would be a dead giveaway. Give it up, old man kitty.

Love,
the Food Lady
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Õkorna on February 01, 2011, 08:01:42 AM
Dear Cat,

You're a cute little kitty and you know it, but that doesn't mean you're allowed to rip the labels off our boxes. I'm sure you won't be a happy cat if we move and no one can figure out which box your toys are in! Besides, isn't your fluffy toy with the little jingly bell so much more fun than paper on a cardboard box?

No?

Love,
Õkorna
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Layla Miller on February 01, 2011, 10:34:20 AM
Dear Bamf,

I understand that you love to play.  I also realize that me being home from work on a weekday means--to you--extra playing time.  However, I need a break sometimes.  During those breaks, I would consider it a tremendous favor if you played with one of your millions of toys, had some breakfast, took a nap, or did anything except pounce on me from the floor while I'm on the couch, digging your claws into my shoulder and biting the side of my head.  Impressive though the attack may have been, it still hurt and made me, if anything, less inclined than ever to play with you!

Thank you.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on February 01, 2011, 01:14:05 PM
Dear Misty:

You are not a little kitten anymore.  You are a 15 pound Weegie.  When you sit on my keyboard, you make the screen do strange things and I cannot lift your blubber to type.  I know you love me dearly, but I can pet you from the ground.

Dear Blackie:

Enough with hiding until I get into bed, then jumping on my shoulder and sticking your cold, purring nose into my ear.  I've seen where that nose goes  :P.

gui
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on February 01, 2011, 05:50:41 PM
Dear B

We don't want to shut you out of the bedroom at night but we're in there to sleep, we haven't died so you don't need to keep jumping on us to make sure we're alive, you certainly don't need to bite us.

Dear J

If B has accidentally let us go to sleep please don't fix his error by sticking your wet nose in our faces, it means we have to get up at 3am to throw you both out of the bedroom because once you've woken us B will make sure he doesn't make the same mistake twice.

Love

Your very tired and grumpy humans.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MizB on February 02, 2011, 02:04:23 AM
totally posting for updates since I don't have a cat.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: StarDrifter on February 02, 2011, 02:37:01 AM
Dear Ethan

you are not scared of the vacuum, in fact, you sit in front of me while I am vacuuming and demand that I run the nozzle over your stomach.

you are not scared of the cars starting up just two metres away from you.

you are not scared of the food processor even if you're on the bench next to it.

why oh why are you so terrified of the air conditioner?

It's almost forty degrees here today; and it's annoying when you hiss at the air conditioner every time it sweeps cool air over you, therefore you are being summarily kicked out of the house until you get off your high horse and stop getting annoyed that we want to cool the house down.

--your parents.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on February 02, 2011, 09:17:43 PM
Dear Oscar

It's 30 degrees!!!  At 11 o'clock at night!!!  I am perfectly willing to share the space under the ceiling fan but I am completely unwilling to wear you like a blanket while doing so:

a)  you're heavy
b)  you've got that knack of putting all your weight into one small paw
c)  it's 30 degrees!!!!!

Love
Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: soetkin on February 03, 2011, 07:55:11 AM
Dear Orange Tabby,

Stop smacking the puppy when she's walks past you on her way to her toy. You're the one who chose to sit right in her path, so don't be giving her attitude with your paw raised and ready to slap her over the head.
"Because she's a stinky dog" is not a reason, I know for a fact you love the other dog.
Also, if you hate puppy that much you don't need to be sniffing in her food bowl either. Shoo!

Love,
Your nightly pillow
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: LeeLee88 on February 03, 2011, 01:06:53 PM
Dear Chaz,

The afghan on the back of the couch doesn't like you like that.  I don't know what made you suddenly decide that you liked her like that, but quit it.  Also, when you try to make sweet, passionate love to your "girlfriend", and you stare right at me the entire time, I find it deeply unsettling.  Please stop that as well.  And yes, I will continue to pull you off of her because that's just gross, buddy.  Srsly. 

P.S. We're tired of seeing your lipstick too.  Yeah I imagine it does chafe, for Pete's sake, the blanket's made of synthetic yarn, you dork. 



Dear Bandita (sister of Chaz),

You need to leave me alone while I work.  I realize that me taking my eyes and adoration away from your voluptuous form for more than two minutes is simply unbearable and inexcusable, but if I can't work, than you can't become even more corpulent.  Wait... maybe I should stop working in that case.  But at any rate, I need you to cease and desist with the following annoying/obnoxious behavior:

1) Biting my hands really hard when I do go to pet you.  You wonder why you get smacked, that's why.

2) Jumping up and yanking my arm down with both front paws wrapped around my arm in a bid for attention, only to walk away when I do go to pet you.  Perhaps you realize you're going to get swatted for that one, too.

3) Clawing up my back in a bid for attention.  You've ruined 3 shirts already.  Stop.

4) Launching yourself at my face in a last-ditch bid for attention.  This never ends well for you, and I don't understand why you keep doing it.  You know how your brother just comes up to me is all, "Hey, can I get some pettin's?"  and I'm like, "Of course you can, buddy." and then we come out of it feeling mutually validated and loved?  I need you to try for that a little more.  I love you so much, but you're really obnoxious sometimes, and that's why I lock my office door. 

--Love you both to kibble bits,

Mommy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: missanpan on February 04, 2011, 11:29:36 AM
Dear Kiri,

Mommy loves you.  But Mommy is also very tired and has to go to bed as there is this job thing in the morning.  So I will not comb your fur right this minute.  Besides, I gave you a good brushing today. 

Oh, I see that you have risen up on your haunches with your paws pointed downward.  You are giving me the hopeful look with your beautiful blue eyes.

Okay, Okay.  You're right.  Mommy doesn't need to sleep all that much and the job in the morning is not important.

Love, Mommy

(SIGH)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: zyrs on February 05, 2011, 10:11:02 PM
Dear Simon, best of all possible kitties, all that and a bag of chips, etc.

Just eat the food, ok?  I realize that I messed up and gave you salmon flavor AFTER beef & egg flavor instead of before, and that I should have given you a lamb flavor first, but just eat it.  Other cats have to work in the basements of tuna factories for only a crust of bread a week, smelling all that yummy food yet never getting a bite of it and you... you get sung to, special back rubs and the spiffy view out the window besides the incredible yummy food.  Eat the food, clean the plate, all that dad stuff I need to say.

zyrs
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: furrcats on February 05, 2011, 10:55:18 PM
Dear catson

I know that you must sleep on my face and body but I wake up with back pain. And I still love you. ::)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Acadianna on February 05, 2011, 11:05:06 PM
Dear Sherlock,

I am fully capable of taking care of myself without a bodyguard when I sit on the porch, honest!  I know you can't guard me if you can't see me, but it isn't necessary to howl at me through the door.

Love, Mama

P.S. Your paws are really pointy.  I don't mind you lying on me, but could you do it without circling three times first?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Õkorna on February 06, 2011, 07:50:57 PM
Dear Isabel,

Yes, I know that you are used to vertical scratching posts. But this horizontal post really is for scratching, even if you seem to have decided that it's a bed. It's not even comfy, it's all scratchy and rough! I'll never understand you, you silly cat you.

Your underling,
Õkorna
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: KittyBass on February 07, 2011, 12:37:32 AM
Dear Twinkie,

I love your new kissing trick and you're usually very happy to give me a kiss when I say 'Twinkie, can I have a kiss?' and you plant one on my lips. When we play the kissing game during sociable hours you will always get the appropriate response from me and kisses are always welcome. However, I would just like to mention that it's NOT appropriate to play the kissing game while I'm in bed just because you either want me to fill your bowl or are just bored. You know, there's other cats in the house to play with so it would be much appreciated if you would just interact with them for a few hours while I get my beauty rest. I suppose I'd also like to mention that I know I gave you lots of praise as a young kitten by telling you what a smart kitty and a good boy you were for using the little box all by yourself, and you would meow every time to let me know you did your business like a good boy, but you're 18 months old now. I of course still think you're a good boy and a smart kitty but I think you're a big boy now and that's what big kitties are supposed to do.

Love, (and kisses, of course!)
KB
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: amandaelizabeth on February 08, 2011, 06:55:48 PM
Dear Babbage

When I got into that little room and shut the door, it does not mean you have been abandoned and will therefore starve to death.  So please stop flinging yourself against the door and wailing like a banshee.  You know why you are not allowed in there - we just cannot afford to keep replacing the roll because you have turned into a one cat confetti machine. Weeping and wailing outside the door does not make me pee any faster so stop it.

Your less than adoring food provider
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on February 08, 2011, 07:15:57 PM
Dear Gizmo,

Yes I did find your catnip mousie at the bottom of a box I was unpacking last week. Yes, it's been a while since you've seen catnip mousie and it's very exciting to have him back.

However, while I'm sure that it's very necessary for you to play with catnip mousie whenever the spirit moves you, including 3am in the morning, the venue for this play does not necessarily HAVE to be directly underneath the bed where I am trying to sleep. There are many lovely comfortable areas of the house where you and catnip mousie can go and bond and it won't bother anyone that for such a small cat you certainly do sound like a buffalo on rollerskates when you get some speed up.

And whatever it is you're doing in the bathtub at 4am that sounds like a re-enactment of the battle of Britain with extra small arms fire... KNOCK IT OFF!

Don't make me come in there...


Jade

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: DCZinger on February 08, 2011, 07:48:52 PM
Dear Lorelei,

It was so cute when you were a wee kitten and like to sit on my chest and make biscuits on my chin.   However, nowadays its not so cute.   You see, dear Lorelei, you no longer weigh 2 pounds.  I can't breathe when you sit on my chest.   Also, your claws are pointy. 

Love,
Meowmy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeGirl on February 13, 2011, 11:07:36 PM
Dear Bast

Mummy loves you lots but she will give you more loves and strokes if you let her cut your nails.  Mummy's skin is quite fragile and your claws are tearing holes in it when you knead her in ecstasy.  If you persist in doing a psycho-hosebeast kitty act when you see the nail clippers come out, Mummy will have to take you to the V.E.T. to have your pedicure, and we all know that you don't like the V.E.T. because there are D.O.G.s there.

Love Mummy


Dear Stitch

Mummy is sorry she had to take your "girlfriends" away, but it's a bit disturbing for the humans to see you loving all over Mummy's sweaty football socks in public.  Plus Mummy has football training twice a week plus matches, so she needs to wash her gear regularly.  You have lots of toys plus your sister and the kitty tv (a.k.a. windows), so please leave my kit bag and the laundry basket alone.

Love Mummy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: StarDrifter on February 13, 2011, 11:18:36 PM
Archibald Q Wrigglebottom;

I know that you are the most stunningly gorgeous Tabby beast to ever stalk the planet, however, you are now almost 8kgs (17 and a half pounds) and if you try and sleep on my stomach I will struggle to breathe and therefore will heave you off of me.

Please also refrain from sleeping on top of your little brother (Ethan is only about 10lbs) as he will scratch you and you will get no sympathy from me.

And while you're at it- stop climbing the screen door. If you knock your collar against the door I will hear you and come to let you out, but if I'm in the shower it will take a little longer for me to acquiesce to your requests, and you're tearing holes in the flyscreen.

I think we need to buy a cat-flap.

--Anna
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Fliss on February 14, 2011, 12:33:40 AM

Dear Matey

You are a wonderful boofy Aussie Cattle Dog, and we appreciate your ability to guard us. We are especially impressed that at 12 years of age, you took us getting 5 chickens without trying to kill them. You have behaved very well for the past week, and aside from a slight whimpering and jumping around at the beginning we are very pleased with you.

However - the chickens are here to stay. You don't need to run up and down the coop fence every few minutes to make sure they're still here. The German Shepherd doesn't care; for once, do what she does, please.

Mum.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: artisticgal on February 14, 2011, 11:05:00 AM
Dear Louis,

Please stop hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock. I ran an hour late this morning.  Yeah I know you get more snuggle time when I accidently sleep in. But stop, it only serves to make me mad at you in the morning. Oh, and the mastiff is not a cat shuttle so please stop riding her around.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on February 14, 2011, 11:06:38 AM
Dear Louis,

Please stop hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock. I ran an hour late this morning.  Yeah I know you get more snuggle time when I accidently sleep in. But stop, it only serves to make me mad at you in the morning. Oh, and the mastiff is not a cat shuttle so please stop riding her around.
[/b]

If there's ever a moment just crying for a camera, that has to be it  ;D.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on February 14, 2011, 11:13:08 AM

Dear Matey

You are a wonderful boofy Aussie Cattle Dog, and we appreciate your ability to guard us. We are especially impressed that at 12 years of age, you took us getting 5 chickens without trying to kill them. You have behaved very well for the past week, and aside from a slight whimpering and jumping around at the beginning we are very pleased with you.

However - the chickens are here to stay. You don't need to run up and down the coop fence every few minutes to make sure they're still here. The German Shepherd doesn't care; for once, do what she does, please.

Mum.

Are you sure he's not just trying to herd the chickens? The only Aussie Cattle Dog I know belongs to good friends of mine. They have a lovely huge family room just made for big parties, with a bar in one corner. Every single party they have, we all end up bunched in one corner. It's the dog. He herds everyone into a safe place, and then makes sure we stay there. It's the corner that's farthest from the bar--we're not sure if that's on purpose or not.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on February 14, 2011, 06:08:00 PM

Dear Matey

You are a wonderful boofy Aussie Cattle Dog, and we appreciate your ability to guard us. We are especially impressed that at 12 years of age, you took us getting 5 chickens without trying to kill them. You have behaved very well for the past week, and aside from a slight whimpering and jumping around at the beginning we are very pleased with you.

However - the chickens are here to stay. You don't need to run up and down the coop fence every few minutes to make sure they're still here. The German Shepherd doesn't care; for once, do what she does, please.

Mum.

Are you sure he's not just trying to herd the chickens? The only Aussie Cattle Dog I know belongs to good friends of mine. They have a lovely huge family room just made for big parties, with a bar in one corner. Every single party they have, we all end up bunched in one corner. It's the dog. He herds everyone into a safe place, and then makes sure we stay there. It's the corner that's farthest from the bar--we're not sure if that's on purpose or not.

He's just trying to make sure no-one drinks and drives.

My uncle had one as well, and we used to regularly come out to find that 'Wombat' had collected up the two horses, three goats, a sheep and a couple of ducks and herded them into the corner of the paddock and was sitting there guarding them with his tongue hanging out and a general air of 'I'm good aren't I?'

 ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: heartmug on February 14, 2011, 06:10:05 PM
Dear Louis,

Please stop hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock. I ran an hour late this morning.  Yeah I know you get more snuggle time when I accidently sleep in. But stop, it only serves to make me mad at you in the morning. Oh, and the mastiff is not a cat shuttle so please stop riding her around.
[/b]

If there's ever a moment just crying for a camera, that has to be it  ;D.

Oh yeah!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on February 15, 2011, 01:45:28 PM
Wombat is the best name for an ACD ever!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Sirius on February 15, 2011, 01:50:57 PM
Dear Louis,

Please stop hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock. I ran an hour late this morning.  Yeah I know you get more snuggle time when I accidently sleep in. But stop, it only serves to make me mad at you in the morning. Oh, and the mastiff is not a cat shuttle so please stop riding her around.
[/b]

If there's ever a moment just crying for a camera, that has to be it  ;D.

Here, Here!

Here's my note:

Dear Daisy,

Please nap next to me instead of on top of me.  When you spread yourself over me like you do I can't move.

and one for your sister:

Dear Minnie,

If you keep swatting at Daisy's tail as she goes by, I guarantee you're asking for trouble.

Love, She Who Buys the Cat Food
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on February 15, 2011, 01:53:09 PM
Dear Jack:

Yes, we call you Butthead. You know why? Because you ARE a Butthead. The infrequent moments when you rub affectionately against my ankles invariably segue into biting my leg.

Stop it, or I'll call Luna over to beat you up. That's what we hired her for, after all.

Signed,
The Other Big Pink Thing.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: siamesecat2965 on February 15, 2011, 03:06:41 PM
Dear Jack:

Yes, we call you Butthead. You know why? Because you ARE a Butthead. The infrequent moments when you rub affectionately against my ankles invariably segue into biting my leg.

Stop it, or I'll call Luna over to beat you up. That's what we hired her for, after all.

Signed,
The Other Big Pink Thing.

Heh - i used to cat sit for my neighbors, and they had this very large, white cat with orange spots.  He was declawed, but an outside cat.  You'd see him, and he was friendly, and nice, and then as you walked away, he'd race up and bit you on the ankle!  SO i told my neighbor He would now be known as "Ankle Biter"
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: happygrrl on February 15, 2011, 04:17:49 PM
Quote
Oh, and the mastiff is not a cat shuttle so please stop riding her around. 

The mental picture is priceless. Pics, pretty please.  :)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hushabye on February 15, 2011, 04:29:14 PM
Dear Tesla,

I know that the top of the bookshelf next to my side of the bed is your new all-time favorite perch from which to do your "Bat-Cat" impression.  However, when you get up there in gargoyle mode as I'm getting ready for bed, you know that I'm getting ready to turn off the light, which means you're going to be getting back down off the 6' tall shelf all by your lonesome in the dark.  Please reconsider this nightly course of action, as I'm getting tired (HA!) of you inevitably knocking books off the shelf -- what did Little House on the Prairie ever do to you?! -- and landing on one or more portions of my anatomy.  The night you landed on my head was particularly unappreciated, and if I had been more awake, Prometheus would probably be an only cat right about now.

Thanks,
Your humble female human servant, who is contemplating leading a rebellion, complete with torches and pitchforks (because I've always wanted to run a mob with torches and pitchforks)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: LeeLee88 on February 15, 2011, 06:44:55 PM
Dear Tesla,

I know that the top of the bookshelf next to my side of the bed is your new all-time favorite perch from which to do your "Bat-Cat" impression.  However, when you get up there in gargoyle mode as I'm getting ready for bed, you know that I'm getting ready to turn off the light, which means you're going to be getting back down off the 6' tall shelf all by your lonesome in the dark.  Please reconsider this nightly course of action, as I'm getting tired (HA!) of you inevitably knocking books off the shelf -- what did Little House on the Prairie ever do to you?! -- and landing on one or more portions of my anatomy.  The night you landed on my head was particularly unappreciated, and if I had been more awake, Prometheus would probably be an only cat right about now.

Thanks,
Your humble female human servant, who is contemplating leading a rebellion, complete with torches and pitchforks (because I've always wanted to run a mob with torches and pitchforks)

Oh, you have my sympathies.  Our girl enjoys things of this nature as well.  Isn't it just the bee's knees? >_<  We're going to find them crushed under the bookshelves someday, aren't we?   :(
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: DistantStar on February 15, 2011, 07:01:34 PM
Dear Sapphire,

You are a lovely cat and I adore you.  But I do not need you reminding me every morning that it's dawn.  I do not get up at dawn in the winter, on work days I'm usually up before it.  In the summer, it's way earlier than I get up.

You can get up, but please don't yowl at me to do the same!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hushabye on February 15, 2011, 08:45:34 PM
Dear Tesla,

I know that the top of the bookshelf next to my side of the bed is your new all-time favorite perch from which to do your "Bat-Cat" impression.  However, when you get up there in gargoyle mode as I'm getting ready for bed, you know that I'm getting ready to turn off the light, which means you're going to be getting back down off the 6' tall shelf all by your lonesome in the dark.  Please reconsider this nightly course of action, as I'm getting tired (HA!) of you inevitably knocking books off the shelf -- what did Little House on the Prairie ever do to you?! -- and landing on one or more portions of my anatomy.  The night you landed on my head was particularly unappreciated, and if I had been more awake, Prometheus would probably be an only cat right about now.

Thanks,
Your humble female human servant, who is contemplating leading a rebellion, complete with torches and pitchforks (because I've always wanted to run a mob with torches and pitchforks)

Oh, you have my sympathies.  Our girl enjoys things of this nature as well.  Isn't it just the bee's knees? >_<  We're going to find them crushed under the bookshelves someday, aren't we?   :(

I'm actually going to fasten the bookshelves to the walls to prevent it.  Because otherwise either he's going to knock the darned thing over on himself or I'm going to have a heart attack thinking he is.  *laughs*
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on February 15, 2011, 11:08:52 PM
Dear Tesla,

I know that the top of the bookshelf next to my side of the bed is your new all-time favorite perch from which to do your "Bat-Cat" impression.  However, when you get up there in gargoyle mode as I'm getting ready for bed, you know that I'm getting ready to turn off the light, which means you're going to be getting back down off the 6' tall shelf all by your lonesome in the dark.  Please reconsider this nightly course of action, as I'm getting tired (HA!) of you inevitably knocking books off the shelf -- what did Little House on the Prairie ever do to you?! -- and landing on one or more portions of my anatomy.  The night you landed on my head was particularly unappreciated, and if I had been more awake, Prometheus would probably be an only cat right about now.

Thanks,
Your humble female human servant, who is contemplating leading a rebellion, complete with torches and pitchforks (because I've always wanted to run a mob with torches and pitchforks)

Oh, you have my sympathies.  Our girl enjoys things of this nature as well.  Isn't it just the bee's knees? >_<  We're going to find them crushed under the bookshelves someday, aren't we?   :(

I'm actually going to fasten the bookshelves to the walls to prevent it.  Because otherwise either he's going to knock the darned thing over on himself or I'm going to have a heart attack thinking he is.  *laughs*

I just wish with mine!  He has taken to waking me up at 4am by removing books from the bookshelf - I know he's smart but I don't think he's got reading mastered - damned if he isn't going to try though!  The gentle 'thock' as the book hits the ground (he apparently doesn't appreciate a good Shelley Laurenston) is really annoying at 4am...
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: KittyBass on February 15, 2011, 11:47:05 PM
Dear Angel,

I know you think your new trick is really funny, but I don't...ok I might have laughed the first few times but it has to stop. You look absolutely adorable sitting on top of the fridge--that's fine. What's not fine is catching you in the act of opening the freezer door pulling stuff out.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on February 16, 2011, 12:28:41 AM
Dear Tesla,

I know that the top of the bookshelf next to my side of the bed is your new all-time favorite perch from which to do your "Bat-Cat" impression.  However, when you get up there in gargoyle mode as I'm getting ready for bed, you know that I'm getting ready to turn off the light, which means you're going to be getting back down off the 6' tall shelf all by your lonesome in the dark.  Please reconsider this nightly course of action, as I'm getting tired (HA!) of you inevitably knocking books off the shelf -- what did Little House on the Prairie ever do to you?! -- and landing on one or more portions of my anatomy.  The night you landed on my head was particularly unappreciated, and if I had been more awake, Prometheus would probably be an only cat right about now.

Thanks,
Your humble female human servant, who is contemplating leading a rebellion, complete with torches and pitchforks (because I've always wanted to run a mob with torches and pitchforks)

Harry reminds me of a feline version of snoopy doing the 'vulture in the trees' bit from Peanuts.  I keep trying to remind him that unaided feline flight is just as out of reach as unaided human flight...but I think that Harry believes he has some kind of X-Cat mutant powers and will be able to fly around the room if he tumbles off of the shelves.   I have been trying to convince Harry that perching on the shelf that is full of Heinlein and Asimov will NOT protect him, no matter how much RAH liked cats when he was still alive.   ::)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Sirius on February 16, 2011, 03:16:54 PM
When I'm looking for a pair of socks in my top dresser drawer Minnie likes to sit on top of the dresser and do a "Snoopy-vulture" pose with her nose down lower than the top of the dresser.  I just know that one time she's going to fall into the drawer. 

She once fell asleep on top of a box next to a trash can, rolled over, and fell into the trash can.  Mr. Sirius and I were terrible - we laughed as he fished her out of the trash can.  She had this bewildered look on her face like "What happened?"
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on February 16, 2011, 03:21:13 PM
Hey Smokey?  I know you throwing up this morning is not your fault.  But when the kitchen linoleum floor is ONE foot away from the spot on the carpet where you threw up your breakfast, I was not too happy.  Really bud?  You couldn't move one foot and make my morning easier?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Sirius on February 18, 2011, 12:52:05 PM
Mine do that, too.  I think they want to make sure we're not bored.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on February 18, 2011, 01:17:02 PM
Dear Jack,

It's adorable how much you look like Toothless in How to Train Your Dragon. But please try to remember that technically, your name is more like Toothful.

Signed,
Your pillow/snack.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: happygrrl on February 18, 2011, 02:40:14 PM
Dearest purring mounds of cathair--

Seriously, what gives? I have bought you all $300 worth of cat toys and you insist on hockey-pucking a dried turd down the hall and into the kitchen when we have company. I'll give you some major props for originality, but your timing stinks. And what's up with sleeping in the bathroom sink? Between the 3 of you, you have 8 cat beds (and some that are heated). Why the cold marble sink? And then you get mad when I need to brush my teeth; do you want me to use your water bowl?

With much love from your humble servant (who also wants to lead a mob with torches and pitchforks  ;D)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: LeeLee88 on February 18, 2011, 03:43:20 PM
Dearest purring mounds of cathair--

Seriously, what gives? I have bought you all $300 worth of cat toys and you insist on hockey-pucking a dried turd down the hall and into the kitchen when we have company. I'll give you some major props for originality, but your timing stinks. And what's up with sleeping in the bathroom sink? Between the 3 of you, you have 8 cat beds (and some that are heated). Why the cold marble sink? And then you get mad when I need to brush my teeth; do you want me to use your water bowl?

With much love from your humble servant (who also wants to lead a mob with torches and pitchforks  ;D)

YES!!!  Thank you!  The same exact thing happened to us when our brand-new neighbors first came over to check out the house.  And there was Chaz and Bandita (aka Meep-Meep and Hoss, aka Chairman and Chairwoman Whiskers) playing with an old turd that I still, to this very day, do not know where it came from.  And it looked a little large to have come from them.  Must have been ghosts.   ::)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 18, 2011, 03:48:44 PM
Ack!  At least my Tuffy's favourite skid across the floor toy was a peach pit, not a turd!

Several years after Tuffy died, we were replacing the stove.  When we pulled the old one out, there were 2 or 3 peach pits under there.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mechtilde on February 18, 2011, 03:55:57 PM
Horace- the marble on the stairs routine in the middle of the night has got to stop.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bluhairfreak on February 22, 2011, 06:21:06 PM
Dear Carrie
    Why did you decide I suddenly needed a bath at 8am while I was trying to sleep and start licking my face.  I love you baby girl, but I assure you I am capable of cleaning myself.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on February 22, 2011, 06:42:51 PM
Smokey,

We JUST had a talk about not throwing up on the carpet.  And I mean just.  That did not mean instead you should toss a hairball onto your favorite chair and not tell me until I find it this morning.  How am I supposed to clean that up, huh?  Mommy is not amused.  I am also sorry for yelling at you this morning, but peeing on my clothes is not, and never will be, acceptable.  I thought you were just finding a comfy spot to spend the day until I noticed the tail being lifted slightly.  That is why you were put outside (for all of the 10 minutes after I felt guilty).  I cleaned both litterboxes.  Again.  Happy now? 

Mouse never gives us these problems, you know.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: BluePuppy on March 01, 2011, 07:22:18 AM
Dear Satine:

I know you are a rescue cat and really dependent on affection and reinforcement from your mom, and her skipping town for that business conference is being really hard on you. She knows it too, which is why she asked me to sleep over while I cat-sit.

I know I had to go out last night but I promise I'll make it up to you with extra cuddles and will wear a thick top so you can sit on my chest and knead to your heart's content. But please don't spend another night sitting outside the bedroom door wailing like you're stuck in a bear-trap. Your mom's already told me you're not allowed in there anyway.

With love
BluePuppy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: soetkin on March 01, 2011, 08:49:43 AM
Dear Weird White Woobie,

You've been sleeping at the footend of my bed for about four years now, you KNOW I move my feet a lot in my sleep so you KNOW if you lie within toe reach, your belly will be rubbed and you hate that. So really there was NO reason at all to bite my big toe so hard. It bled, you know.

I still love you but kinda don't like you right now.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MMHou on March 01, 2011, 11:55:14 AM
Dear Silly Maddie,

You're a dog, not a flower. Please stop sleeping in my newly-planted flower beds. You smush the flowers and come in the house smelling like mulch. I still love you, though.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on March 01, 2011, 12:51:34 PM
When I'm looking for a pair of socks in my top dresser drawer Minnie likes to sit on top of the dresser and do a "Snoopy-vulture" pose with her nose down lower than the top of the dresser.  I just know that one time she's going to fall into the drawer. 

She once fell asleep on top of a box next to a trash can, rolled over, and fell into the trash can.  Mr. Sirius and I were terrible - we laughed as he fished her out of the trash can.  She had this bewildered look on her face like "What happened?"

Our old cat Buster fell off the back of the sofa (more than once) then sulked when we laughed at him (it didn't get any less funny).
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: KittyBass on March 02, 2011, 09:05:44 AM
LOL I always feel a little guilty when I laugh at Mazie for falling off the couch or shelf. He gives me that look too like it was somehow my fault.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Craftyone on March 12, 2011, 06:07:48 PM
Just had our purr kid want to go outside for her morning ablutions (she has a kitty litter tray but prefers outside if possible).  Now she's not a small cat, medium size, and there were some doves outside eating our woof kid's leftover biscuits (from his dinner last night).  These birds were half her size, and I don't want her stalking or killing them, but she was scared to go outside while they were near the door, she wouldn't just walk past them.  Of course they flew away as soon as they saw someone at the door and she quickly raced outside down to the back of the backyard.  It was funny to see, since as far as I know they've never attacked her.  Our woof kid will stand back and let the doves eat his biscuit and look at us as if to say mum/dad do something the mean & nasty birds are eating my biscuits.  They fly off if he gets too close.  This is the same dog who will chase them if he sees them in the backyard as it's fun to see them scatter.   ::)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: LadyL on March 12, 2011, 08:37:44 PM
Dear Samberton,

I know from your wild eyes and tail whipping back and forth that you would REALLY like to go hunt those birds in the tree. I'm sorry we can't let you because you're an indoor cat, but please don't take it out on me by hunting ME instead.

Signed,

Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on March 12, 2011, 10:07:18 PM
Dear Pris,

I know you love to play. And it is amusing to see you gallop through the house like a dog, rather than run like the cat that you are.

But then you jumped on the window ledge and slammed your paws into the window. If it was open you would have been flying through. It is bad enough to clean nose and paw prints off the window. I don't want to have to pick up bits of you off the lawn. OK?

Love, your worried Mommy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MightyMouse on March 12, 2011, 11:50:11 PM
Dear Gary,

Princess is here to stay.  All the chasing and hissing at her will not change the fact that she is your sister.  Please learn to be nice.

Love,
Sissy MightyMouse

Dear Princess (aka Tweetums),

You do realize you are bigger than Gary, right?  You can fight back when she chooses to go all alpha kitty on you.  You have our permission to bop your sister back if she tries to start a fight.

Love,
Sissy MightyMouse
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on March 18, 2011, 05:08:01 AM
Dear Stephen,

You are a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, furry thing and I will never complain about you waking me up in the middle of the night again - at least for a few months. Just please, the next time you need to tell someone about stranger danger and someone you don't recognise in the back garden at 5am, wake Dad up as well.

And enjoy your roast chicken.

Regards,
Mummy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on March 18, 2011, 06:55:30 AM
Dear Stephen,

You are a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, furry thing and I will never complain about you waking me up in the middle of the night again - at least for a few months. Just please, the next time you need to tell someone about stranger danger and someone you don't recognise in the back garden at 5am, wake Dad up as well.

And enjoy your roast chicken.

Regards,
Mummy

Stephen alerted to you an intruder? Good boy! Extra scritches for you!

I hope everyone is safe and well.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on March 18, 2011, 09:02:27 AM
Stephen alerted to you an intruder? Good boy! Extra scritches for you!

I hope everyone is safe and well.
Everyone's fine. He just kept trying to wake me up until I gave in and went downstairs. I shone the torch out of the window thinking it was a fox and caught a glimpse of what I think was a set of legs - from the knee down - legging it up the garden. I wasn't going out to check at that time in the morning, but he calmed down after that. We let the neighbours know.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Fliss on May 22, 2011, 07:14:19 AM

Dear Matey:

You sweet, wonderful, lovely dog! It's only been a few months and you've coped with the bucklets very well.

Especially today, when the chickens escaped into the yard and wandered around, and you didn't even so much as blink at them. We are so pleased and proud of you.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Really? on May 22, 2011, 11:54:26 AM
Dear Dog 1,

Lay down does not mean drape yourself all over me and the computer.

Dear Dog 2,

Lay down DOES not mean, sit on your brother, who has decided to try and drape himself across the computer on my lap.

Love Mom.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Kariachi on May 22, 2011, 01:53:27 PM
Dear Siara,

Yes, you are the great, black hunter. Yes, it is constantly wet outside this time of year. Still, please do not bring the prey inside to hunt anymore.

Thank you,
Achi

PS: Leave the baby rabbits alone this year. I know they are cuddly, but I can't take the screaming anymore.

~

Dear Fry-Cat,

Please stop whining all the time, it will not get you anywhere with this household. It just ticks people off.

If you would,
Aunt Achi
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: siamesecat2965 on May 22, 2011, 06:05:34 PM
Dear Siara,

Yes, you are the great, black hunter. Yes, it is constantly wet outside this time of year. Still, please do not bring the prey inside to hunt anymore.

Thank you,
Achi

PS: Leave the baby rabbits alone this year. I know they are cuddly, but I can't take the screaming anymore.


My former kitty used to do the baby rabbit thing too - this is a funny one; and the rabbit was ok.  One time I saw him in the backyard, and heard this horrible screaming.  Boris had a poor baby bunny in his mouth, and it was making a LOT of noise.  Dumb kitty opened his mouth, bunny fell out and ran away, and dumb kitty proceeded to wander around the yard for a good half hour looking for it!  I kept telling him it was long gone, but he clearly dide't believe me.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: siamesecat2965 on May 22, 2011, 06:54:34 PM
Dear Siara,

Yes, you are the great, black hunter. Yes, it is constantly wet outside this time of year. Still, please do not bring the prey inside to hunt anymore.

Thank you,
Achi

PS: Leave the baby rabbits alone this year. I know they are cuddly, but I can't take the screaming anymore.

~

Dear Fry-Cat,

Please stop whining all the time, it will not get you anywhere with this household. It just ticks people off.

If you would,
Aunt Achi
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Kariachi on May 22, 2011, 09:44:49 PM
My former kitty used to do the baby rabbit thing too - this is a funny one; and the rabbit was ok.  One time I saw him in the backyard, and heard this horrible screaming.  Boris had a poor baby bunny in his mouth, and it was making a LOT of noise.  Dumb kitty opened his mouth, bunny fell out and ran away, and dumb kitty proceeded to wander around the yard for a good half hour looking for it!  I kept telling him it was long gone, but he clearly dide't believe me.

I wish Siara would be so nice. She brings them inside, then just watches them until they stop moving. When she leaves, they start screaming for their little mommas'. So we end up with a screaming bunny in our house and no way to find it.

She also brought in a bird about her size when she was younger. Great, black hunter she is.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Õkorna on May 25, 2011, 01:40:59 PM
Dear Cat,

I'm used to loud thuds and clunking noises. But the CRASH and shattering of glass sound? Yeah, I was scared to see what exactly you'd gotten yourself into. You've topped yourself this time, kitty. I have no idea how you managed to push a heavy jar of sugar larger than my head into the drainboard. At least the glass jar is all right and it was only the cup in the drainboard that met its destruction. Oh, and thanks for hopping into the sink while I tried to clean out the mounds and mounds of sugar (think enough to fill several large glasses)-- I should have realized it was playtime!

Though I suppose this isn't quite as bad as the time you crawled out the window onto the second floor roof, you dopey indoor cat you. And come to think of it, you did look awfully cute with that 'What just happened?' look when I came into the kitchen...

Hopefully my fingers will stop being sticky and tasting of sugar sometime soon.

Your humble servant,
Õkorna
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on May 25, 2011, 02:03:39 PM
Dear Kittens,

Last night, when the tornado sirens were going off and we were preparing to move down to the basement, we captured all five of you and put you into a cardboard cat carrier.

I fully expected a few hours of outraged meeping. Instead, you all decided this was a nice snug warm place to cuddle with your sibs, and went to sleep.

Thank you.

Signed,
The Big Pink Thing
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stkatie00 on May 25, 2011, 03:44:50 PM
Darling Hero,
Yes, I know that (even after living with us for nearly 2 years, and at a foster home for a few months before that) you don't believe that you will always be fed because of your time on the streets.  But trust me, you will.  No, we really don't need you knocking everything you can off of all raised horizontal surfaces in the hour or so before you get your dinner.  Nor do you need to start crying at the door to the bedroom at 4 am-it's not going to get you fed any faster.  Oh, and knocking the lamp off the bedside table means you're not getting bedroom privileges back any time soon.

Also, I know that with Daddy gone, you're left home alone more often, and for longer periods of time, but Mommy needs her social life to stay sane-you help, but human company is just a little bit better.  However, this does not mean that you get to start acting up and doing all those things you know you're not supposed to do.  Like scratching the chair/couch.  Or jumping up on the table.  Or jumping up on the kitchen counter, then up behind the microwave that's on top of the fridge, especially, since I can't easily shoo you off of that one!

Finally, yes, I know you want to be a big, bad hunter, but trying to claw through the window screen to get at the birds will only result in badness.  You won't get the birds, and if you succeed in getting rid of the screen, well, it's a loooong 4 stories down to the ground!!!  So, please, just watch the birds to your heart's content, and don't try to catch them!

Much love,
Mommy

P.S. I don't mean to laugh at your meow, but it really is the most pathetic meow I've ever heard, and makes me think we are starving you, but we're not.  I promise.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Schmoopie3928 on May 25, 2011, 04:00:49 PM
Dear Sam,

You know mommy loves you there is no need to be jealous. I know it's been just you and me for many years but mommy has a forever friend. He is my husband, not yours and should be treated respectfully. Frankly, my darling sweet furball, your behavior lately has been quite inappropriate. Laying nose to nose with him and putting your paw on his face while he is sleeping is not acceptable behavior for a young lady. He is a married man and you should know better.

Love, mommy

Actually I dare say it's the cutest darn thing I have ever seen. :D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on May 25, 2011, 07:44:31 PM
To the Master of Disaster,

Okay, lets go through this One. More. Time. I can hear you clawing the rug, it doesn't matter if you are at the end near the door, just because I can't see you doesn't mean I can't hear your sharp little kitty claws ripping into the fabric.

When I say 'I can hear you!' this constitutes your first warning. If I make it up off the couch you better not be there when I get to the door, or you're getting an all expenses paid visit to the Bathroom Hilton.

Clear?

Good.

Knock it off!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on May 25, 2011, 08:54:04 PM
Oscar

Deal with the new rug.  It's a patter!  No matter how many times you bat at it and scratch at it, that little blue flower is going to stay right where it is.  And you gotta admit, lying on the rug in front of the heater is a whole lot nicer than lying on floorboards!

Love
Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Delia DeLyons on May 25, 2011, 09:13:52 PM
Dear Lucy - I know your staaaaaaaarving.... I have heard you say so since 5am.  So then, why must you place yourself between your plate and me while I am trying to get your breakfast served?  Wouldnt it be so much nicer on your plate rather than on your head?  Just saying...
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MissKoreanna on May 25, 2011, 09:59:54 PM
Dear Parmie (Parmersan when in trouble!)

I know I upset you when we moved into our new apartment.  I understand you're a little lonely and miss Theo (well, terrorizing him, anyways).  However, this does not allow you to repeatedly eat the flower decals I have put on the walls in my bedroom when you think I am not looking.  Those were expensive and Mommy is a little upset you have no qualms over eating them.

Also, opening and closing cabinet doors in my vanity area at 5 am does have the magic formula of waking me up, but then I am a grumpster for the rest of the day.  Once I'm up, running to the faucet reminds me how spoiled you are when I turn on fresh, running water for you to drink rather than the perfectly good bowl of water two feet away.

Lastly, I am sorry you are so upset when I clip your little nails.  But those suckers get super long and they HURT when you lovingly climb up my (bare) legs to my shoulders to give me love.  I give you a million little salmon treats after so PLEASE don't make me look like I cut myself.  People at work are starting to get suspicious.

Love,
Your Mommy

....did you learn how to open the window blinds?  or do we have a little poltergeist that lives with us?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on May 25, 2011, 10:13:15 PM
Dear Luigi-cat

Sitting close to son while he lies on the the floor and then passing wind was probably not intentional but he did change colour.

Dear Son

Cats do not understand revenge. Having your brother hold down luigi-cat so you can fart on him is not acceptable.

By the way, I was snorting with anger not laughing when I came across the above.

Bigozzy

Can't. Stop. Laughing!! Between this and the dutch oven dog mentioned in another thread, I have gotten my belly laughs in for the day!

Dearest Bailey:
Please stop trying to trip mama up when she's walking through the kitchen in the am's. I know your bowl needs to be refilled, and I will get to it, but tripping me will not be good for either of us right now.  Trust me on this one.

And you're welcome for not declawing you, but could you kindly repay us by not digging in your claws?  I love that you have recently become a lap kitty, but I don't like having claws dig into my leg.

Love, Mama

Dear Mudslide and Brandy, the little chickens. 

Why do you two love up on us, then when we bend down to pet you, you scatter to the winds? Actually Muddy you've gotten better but Brandy, darlin', we're not going to hurt you, so don't run please?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ArizonaGirl77 on May 25, 2011, 10:17:17 PM
Dear Freddy,
We bought you a litter box and we clean it often so PLEASE stop pooping on the bathroom floor OUTSIDE the litter box! If your litter box is good enough for pee than it's good enough for poop too!

OH - and get it through your head that the stuffed beaver is NOT interested in playing Scrabble with you! He might SEEM interested but, considering he's a STUFFED TOY, I highly doubt he really is! I understand that you feel like he led you on, but please get over it and stop attacking him...especially in the middle of the night.

Thank You,
Mama K and Mama J
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on May 26, 2011, 07:09:31 AM
Dear Cat

Biting my face at 3am is not nice.  Not only does it hurt me it means that you don't get to sleep on the bed and I have to find your sister from her hidey hole where she is sleeping nicely and kick both of you out of the bedroom.  This will also wake DH up who will be grumpy with me not you for waking him.  It also makes me sleepy at work.  This now means that I won't let you sleep on the bed while I'm reading before I go to sleep so you've lost out there.

Love
Me
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on July 11, 2011, 08:43:58 PM
Dear Cat

I've never been so grateful for you pooping on the bathmat!  One more day of no 'production' would have landed you back at the vets for general anathestetic and 'manual extraction' (which I'm sure is as totally gross as it sounds).

Love Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Dr. F. on July 11, 2011, 09:00:12 PM
Dear Ariel,

I realize the foolish gardeners left the gate open, and you couldn't resist escaping and running around the neighborhood. However, your two brothers (Lucas and Pelon) came back in right away, while it took me *an hour* in 100F (with heat index!) weather to track you down. And I wouldn't have been able to find you except for the kind intervention of a neighbor out on her evening walk. It's just lucky that I found you  30 minutes before the thunderstorm hit, as you HATE them!

Please,  my little dog, don't ever scare your mommy like that again!

Dr. F.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: finecabernet on July 11, 2011, 09:45:40 PM
Dear Lucinda

You were a feral cat when you came to our house, and you have made great progress since then, and are the most loving animal I've even encountered. However, is it necessary for you to run out of the kitchen when I walk into it, as though I'm going to murder you? In the six years we've been together, I've never once hurt you, nor will I ever. So chill out a bit, okay?

Dear Miranda,
For the love of G&^ please stay away from my feet. I step on you several times a week, and you still haven't learned that being underfoot just results in you getting hurt. So kindly stay away from my feet until I've stopped walking. Also, just because I've walked into the kitchen doesn't mean you are going to get fed. Yes I know you are a former starving "Philadelphia street cat," but I promise you that you'll never go hungry again. Really, I should have named you Scarlett O'Hara. 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Kinseyanne on July 11, 2011, 09:57:44 PM
Dear brave, vicious night-stalking hunter-cat,

Congratulations on your epic, somersaulting prowess that resulted in you catching a fly.  I'm very proud of you.  No, I don't need to see the fly.  No, I don't need you to put it on my laptop just in case I might not see it.  Great, the fly was still alive.  Don't look at me like that, you're the one who didn't kill him and then set him down...

Love you Brave Hunter.  Go get that fly!

love
The Human
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Õkorna on July 11, 2011, 10:28:23 PM
Dear Cat,

I know our leaving for the weekend upset you. However, did you really need to protest by shredding all the tissues and knocking everything over you could find?

Thanks for forgiving us,
Ikorna
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: booklover03 on July 11, 2011, 10:30:13 PM
Dear Sheera,
My sweet lovey cuddle baby. I love you. I love how when grandma talked to you about keeping me company when dad is gone, you actually did. You cuddled, followed me and loved on me, but please, please, please stop trying to follow me into the bathroom. It's like you're creepy voyeur cat. Also, if you're going to throw up, don't do it on the bed with me in it. Don't do it on the bed, either, but if you are, just make sure I'm not in it.

Dear Natasha,
My sweet fat baby. I also love you. Please stop trying to eat the paper of my books. I love my books and it makes me sad to see tiny tooth shaped holes in the paper.

Love,
Mommy <3
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MinAvi on July 11, 2011, 10:43:20 PM
Dear Lucy,

I know it is cold outside, and I know that you are only a tiny little silky terrier, But could you pretty pretty please take 3 or 4 more steps away from the door and poop on the grass?

This morning was about the dozenth time I have stepped out onto the deck, squarley in the middle of a little pressie! I really don't appreciate it. Can you please stop being so lazy and poop on the lawn like a normal dog? I know your feet get wet from the grass, but you are coming straight back to bed to stick your cold nose on my neck anyway, so what difference does it make?

Please knock it off little girl, or we are going to have to do something drastic!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on July 12, 2011, 01:54:30 AM
Dear Stephen,

We know you got out under the gate to the road. The clues?
1) The claw marks in the bit of wood you pulled free
2) Spotting you trying to get in through the front door.
3) Caught coming back, and halfway under the gate when your owner rattled the treat tin.
Putting the wood back after walking through the hole is not convincing - at least not when you do it in front of your owner.

Please stop. There is a big road out there and those car-monsters you fear so much live on it. Otherwise, you will have to be shut in until I can get some roofing nails to replace the tacks you pulled out.

Regards,
An exasperated owner
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MonteCristo on July 12, 2011, 09:17:04 AM
Dear Alexei,

Despite what you might think, brushing teeth is not a fascinating activity.  It is not necessary for you to stop whatever you are doing and dash into the bathroom and on to the counter to watch me while I do it.  Also, I'm not going to let you have the brush, so you might as well stop trying to snatch it out of my mouth. 

With love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on July 12, 2011, 10:14:59 AM
Dear Harry,

I love that you are fond of belly rubs.  But when I am grabbing your feet to trim your claws, I am not going for a stealth belly rub.  Just stand still for 3 minutes and I will finish clipping your claws and THEN I will give you a belly rub.  Stop, drop and roll is for fires, not for claw clipping that you want to turn into an instant belly rub.

Love,
She who is working out of state and missing the boy-cats
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: portiafimbriata on July 12, 2011, 10:39:05 AM
Dear Mr. Kitteh:

Why is it so fascinating for you when momma peels a cucumber? I always figured you for more of a fish guy.

Love, portia
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Phoebelion on July 12, 2011, 12:42:04 PM
Dear Sammi,

While we love you dearly, you have a few quirks that we can live without.

1.  The water in your bowls are the same.  Inside and out - exactly the same.  And I fill them both 3 times a day at exactly the same time.  You don't have to die of thirst waiting to drink ONLY out of the outside water bowl.

2.  I love how your hound whiskers tickle my face when you sniff it.  But the snotting on my  glass' every time has to stop. 

3.  I have never in 7 years cut the quick when clipping your black nails.  While I understand you probably never had your nails clipped in the first 3 years of life, I promise I would never intentionaly hurt you.  In fact, yanking your foot when I'm clipping increases the chance of hurting you.  And you do it just when I'm clipping.  Any other time, I can mess to my heart's content with those cat like feet.  What's up?   

Love, Momma
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on July 12, 2011, 02:28:52 PM
Dear Misty:

I realize the box on my desk that magically spits out papers is fascinating to you.  But when you haul your 15 pound body on top of it, you press all kinds of buttons and mess up my work.  If you have to watch the papers, please sit on my keyboard with your rump in my face like you usually do.  Thank you.

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 12, 2011, 03:15:09 PM
Dear Luna,

We know that you hate Dorie and the kittens very, very, very much. We are impressed with your ability to emit nearly visible rays of hatred. And we realize that Dorie hates you too.

We appreciate that you have decided to spend your life on top of the bookcase until they go away. But please, when you're about to hork a hairball, could you take a break and do it on the tiled kitchen floor?

On the other hand, we are VERY impressed with how far you were able to projectile-vomit the hairball from the top of the bookcase onto the living room carpet.

Love,
The Other Big Pink Thing

ps. They're not going to live here forever. Calm DOWN!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ArizonaGirl77 on July 12, 2011, 04:54:17 PM
Dear Doodle Dog,
We are quite aware that you see new kitten as a new play thing like Willy is. However, Shamu doesn't like to play with you like Willy does and still has claws. We have warned you of this multiple times. Therefore, do not come crying to us when Shamu claws your nose because you wouldn't leave him alone - instead let that be a lesson learned and only play with the kitten NOT the full-grown cat that can kick your butt from here to Egypt! Ok?

Dear Shamu,
I know you are new to our home. I know you are scared by the change in environment. However, please do not show your displeasure by yowling at the top of your kitty lungs in the middle of the night. If you continue then your Mama will be to tired to do her work properly and will end up being fired and then you will no longer have a home. So, please, if you must yowl over your displeasure at being re-homed to our family, could you do it at a decent hour?

Thank you,
Mama J and Mama K
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on July 22, 2011, 09:08:17 AM
Dear Stephen,

We feel you have learned the wrong lesson from being scolded when you brought birds in. We expected you to stop catching birds. As we discovered, when you ran up and started miowing, you seemed to have decided that rather than bringing the bird to mummy, you will bring mummy to the bird. Problem solved - for you. Regrettably this still leaves me with the problem of cleaning up a long-dead thing on the carpet downstairs.

Yesterday you discovered how to open the fridge (and that doing so makes mummy upset). This morning, it was dead things, and this afternoon it's hitting your sister.

Please, please give me a break.

Regards,
Your despairing owner.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on July 22, 2011, 09:13:27 AM
Dear Sassy:

Why, after 3 months, are you still hissing at me?  I've finally figured out you like skritches around the head and don't like to be petted.  But at night, after I've put food in your dish but before you go to eat it, you won't even let me skritch.  And start the hiss and swat routine.  What's up with that?

Also, it is lovely to see you and your sister Peggy groom each other but it always ends up as a knock down, drag out, cage match.  I'm wasting a lot of water, squirting you to break it up.  Knock it off!

Regards,
Tired of the hissing
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on July 25, 2011, 11:49:27 PM
Dear Sassy:

Why, after 3 months, are you still hissing at me?  I've finally figured out you like skritches around the head and don't like to be petted.  But at night, after I've put food in your dish but before you go to eat it, you won't even let me skritch.  And start the hiss and swat routine.  What's up with that?

Also, it is lovely to see you and your sister Peggy groom each other but it always ends up as a knock down, drag out, cage match.  I'm wasting a lot of water, squirting you to break it up.  Knock it off!

Regards,
Tired of the hissing

Off topic but have you tried Feliway?  Its supposed to engender happy, calm, "I belong" feelings in your felines.




Dear Oscar

You are 7kgs (and still growing)!  Sitting on my chest at 4am 'cause I've rolled onto my back is actually causing me to STOP BREATHING!  Digging your claws in when I try and roll you off isn't endearing either!

Also, I know when you were sick, going No 2's generally meant a half shower but that was regardless of where you went - it had nothing to do with the litter box so now you're better please, please (!) poop in the box!

Love
Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Bijou on July 26, 2011, 12:36:31 AM
Dear Aphrodite (aka Mama's little dolly girl),
I know mama is your best friend and that we like to pal around together, all the time, every day, when you're on my lap or under foot or leaning on my arm, trying to eat out of my dish, helping me do zentangles and word puzzles...and have now started investigating and taking up residence on all those sensitive computer things on the desk...like the UPS or whatever it is, on top of the CPU tower and the monitor, plus walking across the keyboard to get to them making me type things like eeeeeeeeeeeytyyyyyyypopopopopopo808utoewotrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,  completely ignoring the nice little bed I made for you right next to me at the computer.   
Could you please take more naps and sleep more soundly and spend more time at the window in the living room visiting with our yard kitty, Whistle? 
Love and kisses,
Mama
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on July 26, 2011, 02:58:53 PM
Dear UsagiCat,
I appreciate your concern for my oral and dental health. But you are not a qualified dentist. Sticking your nose all the way inside my mouth for a quick sniff is pointless and intrusive enough. But your new thing of hanging about in there for ages until my jaw starts to hurt is too much. Last time you were in there you sneezed! Not cool. I won't visit you anymore if you keep acting like this. Then who will you push around?
Love,
The Pushover

Dear SophieCat,
No, I did not abandon you. You were the one who decided you wanted to move back to my parent's home because you missed the yard so badly. You were the one who hated living in an apartment. So really, why all the drama? Why follow me around mewing piteously at me every time I enter or leave the house? Also, you are as big as a truck. So big that your legs can barely reach the ground around your tummy. So languishing sadly by the food bowl with your best "I'm withering away of starvation" look and tiny sad whimpers isn't fooling anyone. I KNOW you were just fed. I am NOT going to give you another morsel. Not one. Well... maybe just one.. You do look kind of peaky..
Your Servant,
Merry "The Mark" Cat

Dear CassieCat,
Yes, you do have a very nice bottom. No, I do not want to sniff it. Just because I'm at the computer doesn't mean you need to hop up on the keyboard and slowly back your bum into my face. Why can't you just demand belly rubs then shred my hand like other cats do? Also, it's a new brand of cat food, not kitty droppings. And it's better for you too. So no amount of pretending to bury it and walking away in a huff is going to make me go back to the other brand. On the other hand, thank you for the little nose kisses and the way you rub your head against my chin when I'm sad, stressed or just sitting still. It really makes my day.
All my love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 26, 2011, 03:23:47 PM
Dear Jack,

You know we would do anything to keep you healthy. However, paying $50+ to the vet to find out that those peculiar bumps on your ears are mosquito bites was a bit over the top. 

Love,
Your human, who might have guessed, if only you'd acted the least little bit like they bothered you.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Cutenoob on July 26, 2011, 06:52:46 PM
Oh, Fuzzbaby,

Please remember the reason I'm vacuuming is that there is a lot of cat hair on the floor.  Once the floor is clean, I'm hoping it to stay clean for more than 30 minutes.  Do you have a superkittypower to POOF hair all over the floor if it's too clean for you?

Oh.  And next time you're angry at me, please come talk to me. Do not leave a turd at the head of the bed. That's icky.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: EveLGenius on July 26, 2011, 10:00:27 PM
Dear Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat,

I realize that you have registered your glare with the military as an Area-Denial Weapon.  Please allow the dog to walk on the carpet.  Sitting in the middle of the carpet and preventing the dog from leaving the kitchen merely by looking at her is funny to you, but not her.  She can't respect or fear you any more than she already does.

Thanks,
  The Food Source
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: anonever13 on July 26, 2011, 10:36:35 PM
Dear Harley,

When I get into bed, it is not Harley petting time.  It is Mommy needs to sleep time. 

Dear Warren,

I do not need to know when you need to use the litter box.  Repeatedly announcing that you need to go until you're finished is very annoying.  Especially at 4 in the morning. 

love,

Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on July 27, 2011, 12:08:40 PM
Dear Guinevere,

You are 19 years old and you need medication.  Please stop making it difficult for me to give it to you.  As it is I grind the pills into powder and put that into chicken broth to give it to you with a syringe because you spit pills out or bite me when I try to drop a teeeeeeeny pill into your little mouth.  I want you to have all nine of your lives, so please stop making it difficult, OK?

Dear Tiger,

You are the sweetest boycat in existence; I know that well.  If you want lap time please remember to just relax down into the sphinx position.  Standing on my lap with your little feet digging into my femurs is not just rude, it hurts!  Also, it's 90 friggin' degrees, so you'll be too warm as soon as I am.

Dear Carmen,

I know you're only 2, but knocking things down in the middle of the night is more than annoying.  I now have to replace a photography light bulb that broke when you knocked down the light unit.  Mommy hasn't had a job for almost 2 years and that's $30 she shouldn't have to spend.  Not to mention the vet bills if you had gotten a shard of glass in your dear little paw.  Please cut this out... and don't think you can play the Cute Kitty Card; I'm wise to that one!


Love, MomCat
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on July 27, 2011, 12:12:41 PM
OT:  Venus, have you tried mixing the crushed pill up in some wet food for Guinevere?  That's what I used to do for my old girl.

Dear Peggy;

When you stand on me before settling, please do not place your paws on my boob!  That hurts!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on July 27, 2011, 12:19:04 PM
It doesn't work because my she and Tiger share food.  As it is I feed them separately from Carmen because the two girls don't like hate each other.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: carimwc on July 27, 2011, 02:11:33 PM
Dear Alex,
I swear, the ceiling fans are not about to fly off the ceiling and come after you. They have always been moving like that and there is no reason to suddenly look up and freak out. You can come into the living room and take up your usual perch on the couch. It's safe. Really.
Also, mama likes to sleep in sometimes. Head butting me awake because you are desperate for that spoonful of tuna is not cool. Neither is the pacing and the meowing that follows. Take a clue from your sister and sit quietly.

Love,
Mom

Dear Punk,
Being all affectionate and rubbing while I'm cooking does not mean you're going to get any of it. Lately it's been stuff you don't even like. Knock it off. I know you would bat your eyelashes if you had any.
Plus, please stop laying in the middle of tables/floors/walkways. It does not make things any easier when we have to step over you and then you swat at us for moving.

Love,
The people who took you in and fed you
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Sientara on July 27, 2011, 02:34:27 PM
Dear Maeko:

I know you love things that smell like me, but do you mind choosing something else to drag around the house than my bra?  I really don't like having to hunt for where you left it.

Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MonteCristo on July 27, 2011, 03:39:55 PM
Dear Alexei,

I know you like a clean litter box, that is why I clean it for you every night.  Every night without fail for you entire life!  So please, wait until I'm done cleaning before you try and use it...it is annoying that you jump in the box every single night while I'm trying to scoop it out!  Just chill, why dontcha!

Dear Lyla,

Sweetheart, please teach your brother some manners. 

Love,
Mommy


Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Dr. F. on July 29, 2011, 10:59:22 AM
Dear Ariel and Lucas,

WHY have you recently decided you MUST get up at 2am and go outside? I keep getting up with you, in case it's urgent ::), but you seem to only want to chase whatever critters are in the back yard. Look, you guys get to sleep all day. Mommy has to go to work. Can't you be more like Pelon, who doesn't even crawl out from under the covers?

Seriously, this is getting old.

Dr. F.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on July 29, 2011, 11:23:32 AM
Dear Stephen,

Yes I know you're ill, I know you are having eyedrops, and you're being very good about it all.

This does not excuse you deciding that my lunch would look better on my lap than my plate, courtesy of a lightning fast paw.  Particularly not when it's soft cheese, and I've got a nasty cleanup job to stop it smelling. Purring at me does not make it better.

Now stop licking the carpet.

Regards,
owner (you don't deserve 'mummy' right now)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 29, 2011, 01:06:26 PM
Dear Stephen,

Yes I know you're ill, I know you are having eyedrops, and you're being very good about it all.

This does not excuse you deciding that my lunch would look better on my lap than my plate, courtesy of a lightning fast paw.  Particularly not when it's soft cheese, and I've got a nasty cleanup job to stop it smelling. Purring at me does not make it better.

Now stop licking the carpet.

Regards,
owner (you don't deserve 'mummy' right now)

..at least it sounds like his eyesight is doing OK.  :)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Sirius on July 29, 2011, 01:39:20 PM
Dear Daisy,

While I love you to pieces, I'm not a bed.  When you walk your 12-pound self from (as the radiologists say) skull base to thighs, it hurts.  Settling down on me and purring like a steam engine is nice, but I can't move.  Plus, you're covered in fur and you're hot this time of year. 

Love,
Your lumpy bed
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: General Jinjur on July 29, 2011, 05:59:43 PM
The cat always insists on sleeping on my pillow. DH says it's because she likes me best.

I think it's because she hates me more.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: LeeLee88 on July 29, 2011, 07:07:24 PM
Dear Donnie, aka "Simple Cat",

    You are lucky that I know that you are retarded, because there is no way I'd put up with behavior like yours from a cat of normal intelligence.  Buddy, your antics are too many to count, but breaking the expensive watch that Daddy bought me for my birthday had me fantasizing about making a tiny, cheap fur glove set out of your hide.  You know, I'm not so sure I believe the doctors who insisted that you're slow; a truly slow cat wouldn't have been able to get up to the mantel like you did, and steal the watch to hide in your lair under the hoosier.  By the way, that's right, I found the lair, and I'm a bit disturbed over your fascination with my sports bras.  It's a bit unnerving, the way you fought me so desperately when I pulled them out. 

    Hey, listen... you know I love you, you're my baby!  And I know you love me too, as evidenced by the stealing of only my things, and none of Daddy's, but look, I can't keep thinking of ways to wrap the rubber bands around the drawers and doors in this house just so you won't either steal from them or get stuck in them at the neck.  I'm really not sure how you do that.  Maybe you're just a mystery of eloquence that I will never understand on a deep enough level to appreciate you. 

    Yeah... let's go with that.

Signed,

   The Giver of the Snuggles

P.S. As you may have noticed, your big brother and sister have been taking a lot of time out of their schedules lately to clean you.  This is because they've given up their hope that you would ever figure out how to properly clean yourself.  It's not your fault though, bud.  You're slow.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: furrcats on July 29, 2011, 07:47:00 PM
Dear cat when you sit on my face and purr all night Long my back hurts love the slave  ::)  :P
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on July 29, 2011, 09:15:51 PM
Dear Smudge kitten,

I love having you sleep with me and cuddle, but please sleep on one side or the other.  When you sleep between my thighs I can't walk in the morning.

Love,

Your arthritic Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Daffydilly on July 30, 2011, 07:54:44 PM
Dear Bridget,

You are young and sweet. I love how you enjoy playing with the baby. But you can get up and leave if you want to. You do not have to lie there and let the baby suck on your ear. Especially if you give me a pleading "Help Me!" look. She may be able to grab your leg, drag you close and start sucking. But you lay down next to her and she really does like how you taste.

The food giver
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Celany on July 30, 2011, 08:48:14 PM
Dear Shiva (my friend's cat),

I am glad that you have decided that I am worth approaching and being friends with. I know that you are very picky, so it fills me with joy to know that I am one of your few Chosen Humans. There is one small thing that we need to get addressed though.

I like seltzer. It is a nice drink. I know that when I open the seltzer, it makes a noise that sounds like a hiss. You may not realize it, but the Coke that your mommy opens makes the same sound. You don't seem to mind the Coke hiss. But the seltzer hiss seems to make you feel as though the seltzer has some perfidious plan to destroy you. I assure you this is not true. And when you dive-bomb me from above, to attack the seltzer bottle in my hand, and thus cover myself, yourself, and all surrounding things with seltzer, this is not actually proof that seltzer is evilly intentioned and takes great joy in getting you wet.

I think we would all get along much better if you just left the seltzer to me. But what do I know? I'm just a foolish human.

Your Human-Friend/Servant,

Celany
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Kimblee on July 30, 2011, 08:51:03 PM
Dear Bridget,

You are young and sweet. I love how you enjoy playing with the baby. But you can get up and leave if you want to. You do not have to lie there and let the baby suck on your ear. Especially if you give me a pleading "Help Me!" look. She may be able to grab your leg, drag you close and start sucking. But you lay down next to her and she really does like how you taste.

The food giver

Dear Bridget,

What a sweet girl you must be to play so gently with the baby! Tell your owner to give you extra scritches from your internet friend Kimmie.

(lol, this post made me giggle.)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: LeeLee88 on July 31, 2011, 07:52:50 AM
Dear Bridget,

You are young and sweet. I love how you enjoy playing with the baby. But you can get up and leave if you want to. You do not have to lie there and let the baby suck on your ear. Especially if you give me a pleading "Help Me!" look. She may be able to grab your leg, drag you close and start sucking. But you lay down next to her and she really does like how you taste.

The food giver

Dear Bridget,

What a sweet girl you must be to play so gently with the baby! Tell your owner to give you extra scritches from your internet friend Kimmie.

(lol, this post made me giggle.)

From me too; that was just to adorable!  :D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on July 31, 2011, 09:43:39 PM
Dear Donnie, aka "Simple Cat",

    You are lucky that I know that you are retarded, because there is no way I'd put up with behavior like yours from a cat of normal intelligence.  Buddy, your antics are too many to count, but breaking the expensive watch that Daddy bought me for my birthday had me fantasizing about making a tiny, cheap fur glove set out of your hide.  You know, I'm not so sure I believe the doctors who insisted that you're slow; a truly slow cat wouldn't have been able to get up to the mantel like you did, and steal the watch to hide in your lair under the hoosier.  By the way, that's right, I found the lair, and I'm a bit disturbed over your fascination with my sports bras.  It's a bit unnerving, the way you fought me so desperately when I pulled them out. 

    Hey, listen... you know I love you, you're my baby!  And I know you love me too, as evidenced by the stealing of only my things, and none of Daddy's, but look, I can't keep thinking of ways to wrap the rubber bands around the drawers and doors in this house just so you won't either steal from them or get stuck in them at the neck.  I'm really not sure how you do that.  Maybe you're just a mystery of eloquence that I will never understand on a deep enough level to appreciate you. 

Have you considered buying some of those child proof latches for your doors/drawers?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on August 01, 2011, 02:39:48 AM
Have you considered buying some of those child proof latches for your doors/drawers?
Stephen does the same thing, but we went for deadbolts. Would those work with Donnie?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on August 01, 2011, 09:37:03 PM
Have you considered buying some of those child proof latches for your doors/drawers?
Stephen does the same thing, but we went for deadbolts. Would those work with Donnie?

The should.  They are little latches that are attached to the frame and the door (or drawer).  It alllows the door to open about an inch, inch and a half (this is from memory) which allows you to put your finger in and depress the latch (its kinds of a hook and latch system) - see bottom of the packet below - it shows how you use them.  Cheap and effective and your cats shouldn't be able to open them...
(http://www.dreambaby.com.au/VirtualDirectory/images/F101.jpg)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Army Mom on August 01, 2011, 10:28:05 PM
Dear Charlie kitten,
The sewing machine is NOT purring at you, I promise! It does not want to be friends and my quilt pattern does not call for kitty toes. I know the needle is moving but that doesn't mean that it wants to play. Let's pretend it's growling at you and you should run away, ok?

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on August 02, 2011, 01:18:10 PM
Dear Fred,

You are afraid of everything. My shoes when I kicked them off on the porch. The hiss of opening a soda bottle. The dead fly on the floor, even though you killed it.

Why then, when the neighbor's huge dog ran in our door this morning, did you sit there looking at him as though he were a mouse you were plotting to kill, calmly, coolly, and collectedly?

Your very confused human.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ashaela on August 02, 2011, 01:55:29 PM
Dear Sam:

I saw what you did there, and don't think I didn't.  So stop picking fights.  Also, you owe me an apology for chomping my big toe and making it bleed.   :'(

Dear Chaos:

As much as I'd like to be a good kitty-mommy, I am not, in fact, actually your real mommy.  Therefore, nomming on my arms/toes is not very likely to get you anything to eat.  It just makes me soggy.

Love,
  Your human
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ashaela on August 02, 2011, 01:57:12 PM
Dear Charlie kitten,
The sewing machine is NOT purring at you, I promise! It does not want to be friends and my quilt pattern does not call for kitty toes. I know the needle is moving but that doesn't mean that it wants to play. Let's pretend it's growling at you and you should run away, ok?

Love,
Mommy

Aw, frustrating for your quilting, but too cute!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MonteCristo on August 02, 2011, 02:39:12 PM
Dear Alexei,

It makes Mommy happy that you want to be with her all the time, but as long as you think the elliptical is a big gangly toy, you will be locked out of the room while it is in use.  And no matter how far you reach your paw under the door you will not be able to squeeze in.  So why don't you just take a nap with your sister...it is only 20 minutes.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: 4x4filly on August 02, 2011, 02:49:30 PM
Dear Butters:

11:30 pm is bedtime.  It is *not* toe-biting time.  Since I have not twitched, wiggled, or moved my toes in any way, I have to assume you picked up this bad habit watching 'Shark Week' with me.  You are now grounded from the Discovery channel until Monday.

Love,
me
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on August 02, 2011, 03:17:36 PM
Dear Fuzzy Face,

I am not going to enjoy taking you to the vet and telling them you suddenly decided to become daredevil cat by flinging yourself up to the highest shelves in the house  from the new reclining chair just to get to the toy castle I put up there. I know it's a beautiful roomy castle, but it's for decoration, not for collecting Fuzzy cat hair and is not a place to lounge in royal comfort as you think it is.

Also, when coming down off the high shelf, be sure food giver is not in said recliner that you use to break your 10 ft fall. You are not going to get much food to eat when food giver has to go to a hopital because you landed on her face and accidentially clawed her on the way down.

-Castle keeper and food giver
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bansidhe on August 17, 2011, 02:41:37 PM
Dear Aisling,

Thanks so much for your assistance this morning when I was applying my makeup! Particularly helpful was the tremendous headbutt to the bottom of my glass of soy milk while I was attempting to drink it. I didn't mind at all having to change every article of clothing I was wearing, re-wash my face, and clean the table, chair, and floor while my husband sat in the middle of the living room, crying with laughter.


(Aisling is the kitty in my avatar. To be fair, she has a neurological condition that affects her motor skills.)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Julian on August 17, 2011, 10:40:26 PM
Dear Morty

I know you're not a lapcat, and haven't been since you were a kitten nearly 11 years ago, so can I say how much I enjoyed the fact that you curled up on my lap for a cuddle yesterday.  It has been way too long, Big Fella! 

Oh, and it is not my fault the dogs jumped up for a cuddle too, so you'll need to take that issue up with them, rather than getting snippy with me.

Dear Princess Milly

Thank you!  I know you've been deathly ill, and still aren't feeling your best.  Even so, you've been so tolerant of both the dogs, the puppies that have new forever homes, and even the new kitten.  I love it that you're happy to cuddle with any and all of them, on my lap or off.  Umm, note I said lap.  Not my chest or my face.  Thanks baby girl, I do love you, but sometimes it's hard to see over you, or even breathe.  Oh, and you do have permission to swat Salem if she oversteps the boundary.

Dear Salem

You're cute and adorable, and in the short time you've been with us, we all love you.  But if you keep getting into Milly's face she will retaliate, and I will not go crook at her if I have seen you winding her up.  She's old, she's sick, and she has been very, very patient with you.  But as you grow up, she will expect you to know better, so look out, fuzzbutt.  Oh, and you could stop eating Morty's food any time soon, and the dogs' food too.  You aren't starving. 

Love you all, my little fuzzy friends

Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ArizonaGirl77 on August 19, 2011, 02:06:47 PM
Dear Doodle Dog,

I love you, I really do - but if you don't stop your hyper fits we're going to have to have a serious talk! I understand you just think you are playing, but you are 65lbs and very, very strong! Jumping on me like a lion pouncing on a gazelle does not feel very good! Neither does your paws smacking me in the face because you think it's time to "box". Lastly, I do not have my feet under the blanket to torture you or to entice you to bite and pounce on them - your teeth hurt! Please behave!

Thank You,
Mommy the Victim

Dear Mittens,
You are 20lbs. That is fat - sorry to be so harsh - but it's the truth. You are not "pleasingly plump", you are fat. That is why you get diet food. However, the diet food won't help if you continue to eat all of your food and then hiss at Freddy so he'll let you have his food to! Freddy is a kitten - just a baby - you don't get to starve him to curb your insatiable appetite! You get fed two times a day - so stop being a pig and eating all of Fred's food too!! You big bully!!!! If you keep it up I'll lock you guys in separate rooms to feed you so that Freddy gets some food too!!!

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Seraphia on August 19, 2011, 03:16:37 PM
Dear Henners,

I love you Stinker-Butt-Face. I really do. But if you dive out of the door, around the house and under the giant white pine one more time, I am not going to be happy. I am the one who has to army crawl under the tree in my PJs at six am to dig you out, since Daddy is already dressed and late for work, not to mention he doesn't fit under the branches, and I don't appreciate that, or the welts I get from the pine needles. Especially when you try and make a game of it by dancing around the trunk just out of reach. If you do that one more time, you will be wearing a harness for the rest of your natural life. You are an indoor cat! No negotiating!

Love you,
Momma
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ArizonaGirl77 on August 19, 2011, 04:11:15 PM
Dear Doodle,
Please stop giving me the hound dog face when I put your muzzle on you before leaving! I know you don't like it, I know it makes you itchy - but if I don't put it on you you chase the cats, have accidents in the house, and chew on expensive things (yes, I know I promised not to mention the broken $300 dollar sunglasses that you thought were your own personal snack but I have to get my point across). You could hurt yourself by doing those things so - it's  either  a muzzle or a crate - and you broke your last crate so the only option is the muzzle! At least you get to lay on the comfy couch and watch cartoons instead of being stuck in some uncomfortable crate right? I love you very, very, very much and want you to be safe while I'm work - so the muzzle stays. I hope you, someday, will forgive me and realize that wearing a muzzle is your fault - not mine!

Hugs,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on August 19, 2011, 05:04:51 PM
Dear Luna,

Stop it.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: StarDrifter on August 20, 2011, 02:08:03 AM
Dear Luna,

Stop it.

Dear Ginger and Tabby,

See above.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on August 20, 2011, 06:58:53 AM
Dear Fred,

That foot? You know, the one that scared you half to death this morning when you saw it on the couch? That was my foot, the same one I've had for the 13 years you've been living here. It was clad in the same sneaker I've been wearing for the past two years, which you've seen almost daily.

What was it about the foot and sneaker this morning that caused you to jump backwards and then spend the next 10 minutes pacing back and forth until you decided it was safe to ignore?

And what's with suddenly being unable to go through a door that's open four inches? Yes, you have gotten a bit more rotund in the last few years, but you've always been able to use your paw to nudge a door open a little bit, or just stick your head through and let the rest of you push the door open. So why this morning were you completely stumped by the bedroom door? There was room for you to go through. It did not require a half hour of sitting and staring at the door, followed by 10 minutes of frantic meowing. And when I hauled myself out of bed and opened the door further for you, I did not deserve the look you gave me.

Keep this up, kiddo, and you're looking at a trip to the vet's. Do cats get Alzheimer's?

Your ever-loving human.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on August 20, 2011, 08:47:56 AM
Dear Luna,

Stop it.

Dear Ginger and Tabby,

See above.

Bob and Harry,

POD.  And don't do what you are thinking about doing next, either.

Thanks!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: TheWeirdOne on August 20, 2011, 08:48:31 AM
Dear Orange Blob,
I know you don't like the round cat biscuits. I'm very sorry. But I'm not picking them out from all the rest and honestly, they can't taste that different to the square ones. So stop picking them up and spitting them out on the floor. Soggy cat-spit biscuits aren't fun to stand on.

Mummy loves it when you come under the covers at night. You're like a purry hot water bottle. Except hot water bottles aren't supposed to have claws. Stop kneading my chest. If I want that area pierced I will go to a professional. And could you maybe stop nomming on my hair? Your breath is bad.

Dear Evil Kitty,
The dogs have been here longer than you. They're blind. You know that they're blind. So stop plonking your furry butt directly in front of their path then swatting them for running into you. I know what you're doing.

Also, your mum can be your mum and my grandma at the same time. We are not in a competition. Stop giving me the stink eye. Your mummy can't see it but I can.

Dear Yowly Thing,
No, I don't want to kiss your butt. No really, thanks for the offer, but no. Stop waving it in my face. I know I annoyed you yesterday and I'm sorry but I don't have time to carry you around in the washing basket today.

Dear White Neurotic Thing,
Stop staring at mummy and daddy during people time. It's creepy, especially when you don't blink.

Dear Snake,
Mummy loves you very much. It's adorable when you go to sleep up my sleeve, it really is. But next time, could you please not poo?

Sincerely,
Your Slave.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Daffydilly on August 20, 2011, 10:38:20 PM
Dear Bridget,

It's lovely to snuggle with a kitty when you sneak into the bedroom. It's not nice when you pounce on every moving thing under the covers. Dadu and I wake up and get upset. You may get a flying lesson out the door. Yet you cuddle with me so sweetly when I'm on the couch. Perhaps you could pretend the bed is the couch and that I'm the snuggly, warm thing. I don't appreciate the claws or the scratches on my limbs.

Love,
The food giver

PS. Yes, I bought you two toys that randomly light up in the dark. Please use your claws on them. They will LOVE it!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on August 21, 2011, 10:40:06 AM
Dear cats,

We understand that furniture moving time is exicting. New hideyholes, old caches uncovered and things to explore. However, if you are not going to wait until things are in their proper places before jumping on them, could you at least wait until we have put them down? An extra 7 kilos of cat is not needed when I'm holding something heavy.

Your loving servant.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hollanda on August 21, 2011, 11:52:30 AM
Dear cats,

Over the past few weeks, it has become increasingly obvious that you feel we do not feed you sufficient quantities of food.  You have made this apparent in the way you squeal at either me or DF every time we enter the front room, and equally in the way you run from the far end of the front room all the way to the kitchen door every time one of us gets up to make a drink.

We understand, Magic, that, as a ktiten, you require a large quantity of food in order to grow to your full potential.  Stolichnaya, equally we are aware that Magic steals most of the food, which occasionally leaves you with not much at all...however, Stolly, we cannot fail but to notice the techniques you employ in order to scavenge more food (you know exactly what I mean). 

The intention of this letter is to make you understand that what we feed you on a daily basis is enough for two cats of your ages and sizes.  Neither of you are starving, you are both thriving and maintaining a healthy weight. However, if you were to be successful in your endeavours to steal leftover rashers of bacon/pizza crusts/sausages/bread etc, you would become what we humans term "obese", aka carrying too much extra weight for your frame. We do not wish this to happen for several reasons - you would become unhealthy, first and foremost, and unable to make yourselves useful by catching all those annoying thunderflies/spiders etc.  So it is for your own good, do you see?

We love you both very much and will continue to provide you with food/boarding, on the understanding you provide us with love, affection and the occasional cat-style of headbutt (which we affectionately refer to as "cat=butts").

We hope you read this message in the way it was intended!

All our love

Your adoring and ever-respectful waiting staff.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ashaela on August 22, 2011, 08:56:46 AM
Dear Fred,

That foot? You know, the one that scared you half to death this morning when you saw it on the couch? That was my foot, the same one I've had for the 13 years you've been living here. It was clad in the same sneaker I've been wearing for the past two years, which you've seen almost daily.

Can I just say that I love how you put this?   ;D

Dear Sam:

Doorknobs are at a comfortable human height for a reason.  I know that she can get on your nerves, but please stop locking Chaos in the bathroom?

Thanks much,
  Your frustrated human
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on August 24, 2011, 11:15:53 PM
Dear Cat

The flower on the carpet is going to stay exactly where it is, no matter how much you scratch at it.  But its a new carpet so STOP IT!

Also, its very cute when you run into the bathroom for the sole purpose of skidding on the bathmat but can we get some sort of signal going?  You're very absorbant but I'd prefer to stand on the bathmat - it doesn't scratch.

Love
Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Daffydilly on August 27, 2011, 10:04:45 AM
Dear Cage,

You are a master of disguise. Congratulations on the brilliant way you convinced your family and a vet that you were a female. We named you Bridget and got you a pink collar with skulls and cross bones. It is now obvious that you are a boy. And I feel like an idiot.

Your mystified owner

PS You will wear that pink collar until I can get a new one. he he he
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hollanda on August 27, 2011, 01:41:47 PM
Dear cats

Your meows from the other side of the door will not earn you fish and chips. K?

Love

Your owners slaves
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Schmoopie3928 on August 27, 2011, 02:28:07 PM
My dear Samantha,

  I love you. I love all of you. However, I don't really want the first thing I see when I open my eyes is cat butt. At least not on my pillow.

Thank you ever so much,
Your personal slave.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on August 27, 2011, 04:27:34 PM
Dear Carmen, Tiger, and Guinevere,

I love that you all want to be on the bed with me.  However, that's a no-fighting, no-roughhousing zone.

Love, Venus
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: thatBakerwoman on August 27, 2011, 06:58:43 PM
Dear Candyman, aka Stealth Kitty

I know you must race down the hallway and jump on the bed, to hang over the opposite side like a vulture, waiting for your sister to come out from underneath.  It is something you must do.  I accept that.  And so far, you have cleared all the obstacles in the bed.

But maybe it's time you checked your altimeter?  I am still getting my breath back from when you miscalculated and slammed into the - ahem - Grand Tetons.  That you corrected immediately for altitude was still too late for me.

Oh, and I'm sorry my wheezes gave away your position.  Them's the breaks.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JoW on August 27, 2011, 08:47:37 PM
Dear Dax,
You are fat.  You can no longer jump up on the bed or the sofa.  Your doctor has officially diagnosed you as obese.  He wants you to loose 5 lbs.  I am not starving you to death.  I'm dieting you to a longer life.

Your sisters are underweight.  I feed them on the countertop because you are too fat to get up there.  Yes, they do get more food than you get.  They need more food than you need.  Screaming at me will not change those facts.

Mom.

PS.  I know you know how to open the door to the coat closet.  Thats why I no longer store dry food in there.  You can stop opening that door now. 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on August 28, 2011, 08:25:45 PM
Dear Mouse/Smokey,

I know you were not happy I went on a trip this week.  I specifically cleaned your litter box before I left.  Was it really necessary to leave THREE presents in different areas for your dad to find when he got home? I'm amazed that you were able to do this in the 4 hours between when I left and when he got home from work, but he sent me the photo proof (thanks a lot DH!).  I realize you were not happy, but that was NOT an appropriate response to me leaving for a few days!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on August 28, 2011, 08:32:51 PM
Dear CassieCat,

Seriously, you are twice the size of the kitten. If she bugs you, just sit on her. Once should teach her pretty quickly. There is no need for you to pitch a fit and then go cower. On another note, I'm really proud of you for working up the courage to give her a quick sniff before you ran away earlier. You can be brave!

Mom

Dear Kitten,

Yes, everything is new and shiny and exciting and fun! But some things are not toys. Ands are for scritches, not biting. Cassie's tail is for giving a wide berth to. She doesn't like you. Biting her tail is not going to change that. And finally, walls are for holding the ceiling up. Not for running into repeatedly for no earthly reason. I'm thinking we should have named you DumbleDoof afterall. Or maybe Dumbelina.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on August 29, 2011, 09:29:14 PM
Dear Sassy:

How on earth did you get behind the filing cabinet drawer????  I would also appreciate you NOT biting me when I'm trying to get you out of a tight spot.

And yes, I've closed the drawer so you can't get stuck in there any more.

Your owner staff,

Outdoor Girl
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Daffydilly on August 29, 2011, 09:35:30 PM
Dear Cage,

Yes, I wake up at five am during the week. Yes, I need coffee. Yes, you want to be fed. NO, I DO NOT WANT TO FEED YOU before I've had my coffee. You do a wonderful impression of a wind up string around my ankles. I do not want to step on you or hear your complaining meows. It's five freaking am. Leave me alone. Go torment the guy sleeping in the bed, he can feed you too!

Cranky Sefaeria
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: 2doglady on August 29, 2011, 11:44:02 PM
Dear Tessa Luna,  I know you like to play ball with me when I take a bath. And I am getting good at firing said ball off the door and down the hall for maximum chase time.    You do not need to "errrrooooofff" at me to play.  However, if you poke the ball under the dresser in the opposite room, no matter how much erroooffing you do, I won't be able to rescue the ball until bath time is over.

P.S.  I know you don't understand daylight savings time, I can't help it if you think its time to eat, you need to wait an hour, poor puppy!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on August 30, 2011, 02:39:43 AM
Dear Stephen,

It is a fox in the garden. It is bigger than you. It is ignoring you. Going outside, walking up and hitting it is not bright.

It is nearly the size of a medium dog. Running away is smart.

Sliding under next door's gate, hangering right and shooting up a tree so the fox comes face to face with next door's big dog is downright devious.

I am not sure whether to congratulate you, or apologise to next door for the woofing and chasing that ensued.

We have replaced the fence where it dug its way in, but do not believe the fox will be visiting again. Meanwhile we need to have words about your mutual garden defence treaty with that labrador. We know you two get on, but that was just mean.

Regards,
Your exasperated owner
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MonteCristo on September 06, 2011, 02:54:19 PM
Dear Lyla,

I appreciate the fact that you are finally warming up to your new home, and that you want lots of love and cuddles.  However, you are almost a fully grown cat, not a parrot.  Perching on my shoulder might be fine while I'm sitting on the couch, but when I'm walking around the living room on the phone and a flying cat lands on my shoulder/head, it is a bit distubing, and I will scream.  No matter how many times you try I don't think I'll ever get use to it. 

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on September 06, 2011, 08:39:32 PM
Dear Stephen,

It is a fox in the garden. It is bigger than you. It is ignoring you. Going outside, walking up and hitting it is not bright.

It is nearly the size of a medium dog. Running away is smart.

Sliding under next door's gate, hangering right and shooting up a tree so the fox comes face to face with next door's big dog is downright devious.

I am not sure whether to congratulate you, or apologise to next door for the woofing and chasing that ensued.

We have replaced the fence where it dug its way in, but do not believe the fox will be visiting again. Meanwhile we need to have words about your mutual garden defence treaty with that labrador. We know you two get on, but that was just mean.

Regards,
Your exasperated owner

This one had me rolling on the ground I was laughing so hard!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 06, 2011, 08:47:12 PM
Dear Sassy:

That other cat?  You know, the one in the bathroom mirror you keep yowling at?

That's you, you dummy.

Knock it off.

Signed,
Your servant
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on September 06, 2011, 08:50:20 PM
Dear Carmen,

I know it looks cute, but you are not to adopt my blue vehicle as your new bed.  It contains my jewelry parts, which you are to stay away from.

Love,

MomCat
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: valkyrie on September 06, 2011, 11:05:05 PM
Atirial, i believe i love your stephen.  he sounds like a winner!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on September 07, 2011, 07:43:49 PM
Dear Sassy:

That other cat?  You know, the one in the bathroom mirror you keep yowling at?

That's you, you dummy.

Knock it off.

Signed,
Your servant

Weren't you aware?

Reflecto-cat is evil.  Always evil.  At least that is what Bob keeps telling us when reflecto-cat shows up in the sliding glass door.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Nikko-chan on September 07, 2011, 11:28:38 PM
Dear Mika,

I love you dearly, but when it is time for mommy to go to bed, you need to move. Also, I would love it if you would not lay above my head so that I only have about three inches to place my head on the pillow.

And sweetie? You do not need that much food. Or water. I understand that sometimes the dog takes your water, but you do not need the bowl filled every time one of us goes into the kitchen. You will not die of dehydration, I promise.

Your servant,

Nikko
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on September 08, 2011, 12:52:57 AM
Dear Oscar

I love snuggle time.  I love when you put your little nose under my hand to make me pet you.  I know that the 10 minutes before the alarm goes off is our time together.  However, 3:30am is not 10 minutes before the alarm goes off - its not even 20 minutes before the alarm goes off! 

Of course, I didn't actually look at the clock for the first 10 minutes (thinking it was 6:00am and therefore 10 minutes before the alarm went off) - I (hopefully) won't be falling for that one again!

Love
Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: StarDrifter on September 08, 2011, 01:50:54 AM
Vicious Pair -

I understand that the nasty Jack Russell next door barks at you and it's annoying. He annoys me, too, because his owner lets him run rampant without a leash because 'it's a cul-de-sac, he can't go anywhere!'.

But please, don't tease him and make him even louder. I know that you find it amusing to sit behind the glass and flick your tails at him, but when you do that he digs in my flower beds trying to get in at you. There are twenty five windows in this house and only two of them overlook the part of the yard the little sucker can get into - why do you *always!* sit in those ones? They're not even the sun-shiny ones!

Also.

Ethan, you weigh close to 5kgs (almost 11lb) you are not a kitten anymore, and cannot sit on my forearms while I am trying to type!

Mummy loves you. Now go and lick your brothers' head.

--your long-suffering adoptive mother.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Miss Vertigo on September 08, 2011, 02:33:25 AM
Dear Speedy,

If you don't stop licking my t-shirt, I'm going to change your name to Ralph Wiggum.

Love,
Mum.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ashaela on September 08, 2011, 07:17:43 AM
Dear Sam:

There's a reason you're the only one we let sleep in the bedroom with us - it's because you're older and supposedly more mature and won't keep clawing at toes under the blanket, or ricocheting off the wall onto our heads, or knocking over the lamps.

Stunts like turning on the radio at 3 A.M. so that I think it's my alarm going off, and stumble halfway to the bathroom before my bleary eyes can focus at the clock, are not helping your privileged status.

Sincerely,
  Your very sleepy cat-toy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Baby Snakes on September 08, 2011, 10:29:00 AM
Dear Lulu,

I am sorry that two foreign cats have invaded your home.  They are not going to be here forever, just until DD moves back out.  So please stop chasing and fighting them every time they show their faces.  That is not the way to make friends.  They are actually very sweet girls.  Oh, and the yowling in the hallway at 3:00 a.m. is getting really old.

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mw8242 on September 08, 2011, 11:11:00 AM
Dear Paddy

I know you are still bent out of shape that I went to the beach this weekend and left you home. However, enough of the meowing for no reason all.night.long. This is how you end up in the bathroom, which you hate. Also it's not nice to keep me up all night with your running around, meowing and stepping on me and then settling down and falling asleep at 7am when I have to get up. I'm home tomorrow buddy boy let's see how much sleep you get during the day.

~M
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hushabye on September 08, 2011, 11:28:46 AM
Dear Doofi,

It is your own darned fault that you locked yourselves in our bedroom while we were gone.  So why did you have to take it out on us by using our bed for a litter box during that time?  You can be darned sure that your bedroom privileges are now nighttime only after all the effort it took to get the smell of cat pee out of the comforter, sheets, mattress pad, and mattress.

Sincerely,
Your very annoyed human servant
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Oxymoroness on September 08, 2011, 11:33:37 AM
Dear Finn,

It's been nearly 3 years now. The small human isn't going away for at least 15 years now, and more likely 18. Get over it.

-Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Giggity on September 08, 2011, 11:53:37 AM
Dear Bo,

You realized that I left my phone at work, and you know it's my morning alarm. So you cleverly did some math and figured out that I would need waking up. Smart ginger is smart!

However, I must take exception to your method of wakey-wakey. BITING ME ON THE FACE is a little beyond, dude, seriously.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midge on September 08, 2011, 11:58:37 AM
Dear Sassy:

That other cat?  You know, the one in the bathroom mirror you keep yowling at?

That's you, you dummy.

Knock it off.

Signed,
Your servant

Weren't you aware?

Reflecto-cat is evil.  Always evil.  At least that is what Bob keeps telling us when reflecto-cat shows up in the sliding glass door.

Reflecto-cat lives in our new front-load washing machine. According to Ruby, she is fascinating!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Daffydilly on September 08, 2011, 11:59:05 AM
Dear Cat,
You have canned food several times a day and a bit of dry food to free feed. Why did you just rip open a third bag of bread and gorge yourself? I wake up and the bread is already drying out. So no toast for me. And DH is going to be cranky since he can't have sandwiches for lunch. I have hidden that bread in three different locations and you've found all three. What a great sense of smell you have. Go eat your own dang food!

Bread Buyer
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 08, 2011, 12:04:19 PM
Dear Smudge and Optimus Prime,

We understand that you are poor pathetic undersized malnourished orphaned babies. We leave you dry made-just-for-tiny-baby-kittens kibble all day while we're gone, and we can tell that you eat it.

That said, we are truly impressed at the display when we give you gooshifud in the evening. We had no  idea that Ravenous Bugblatter Beasts of Traal were so tiny!

Love,
Your ardent admirer
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on September 08, 2011, 01:22:00 PM
Dear MittenKitten,
Yes, you ARE very cute, very small and very cuddly. And yes, we do love to play with you. But that doesn't mean that everyone wants to play with you all the time or, more specifically, that CassieCat wants to play with you any of the time. She's an old lady kitty and needs her rest. I know you just want Cassie to be your friend, but ambushing her in the litter box is not the best way to go about it.
Love,
Your exasperated mum.


Dear CassieCat,
The kitten is a third of your size. Stop running away. It just makes her think you're playing. For once, stand your ground pin her down, and show her who's boss. Just like you do with Mister Stuffy Bunny. She'll soon learn to back down.
Love,
Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hollanda on September 08, 2011, 06:14:50 PM
Dear cats...

There are some things I need to get off my chest, and I feel now is the time to do it.

1) Stolichnaya, when you meow to be let outside and I open the door, it is most unhelpful of you to just stand on the step and whine at me. I don't know what you want or what I can do for you - I've fed you, you've had water...if you need the toilet, please go outside and do it, just don't stand there and whine at me. It confuses me.

2) Magic, when you sit on my legs, that's fine. But when I move to pick up, say, a cup of tea, and you use your claws to grab onto whatever you can (by the way, the material you find is called skin, it has nerve endings and I can bleed), that is not cool. Please don't do that.

3) Both of you - once again, meowing frantically, jumping onto the worktop or running round in crazy circles when I'm getting your food in the bowl does not mean you get fed any more quickly. In fact, it slows the whole process down.

Please, do not let these minor complaints upset your delicate sensitivities, which are usually manifested in gifts brought to me from the back yard. 

Love from

Your loving parents
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on September 08, 2011, 06:36:58 PM
If there is one thread that needs a like button this is it!  I just wanted to say that, although I don't comment on any of the posts, I'm laughing at work (trying to keep it down to a snicker).
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: DistantStar on September 08, 2011, 07:14:25 PM
Dear Sapphire,

You are my girl.  We're buds.  I know that.  But when my mother was coming to visit I figured you'd love her because she trained me in the ways of obeying cats, especially as she was raised by a Siamese herself and so is an expert.

But no, you decided to have an Attitude and refuse to have much of anything to do with her for a full week, which is a challenge seeing as I live in a studio.  You did snuggle by her feet for all of ten minutes.  Once.  And you allowed a few pets and I heard a purr a few times.  With me you are a huge snugglebug and demand a lot of attention.  So, Sweet monkey fritters!?

I know cats do what they want, and she wasn't offended, but I was kind of hurt.  Next time she visits, could you possibly be a little friendlier?  She is my mother, and while she lives a long way away, she's a big part of my life.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on September 08, 2011, 08:18:48 PM
Dear Sassy:

That other cat?  You know, the one in the bathroom mirror you keep yowling at?

That's you, you dummy.

Knock it off.

Signed,
Your servant

Weren't you aware?

Reflecto-cat is evil.  Always evil.  At least that is what Bob keeps telling us when reflecto-cat shows up in the sliding glass door.

Reflecto-cat lives in our new front-load washing machine. According to Ruby, she is fascinating!

Fascinating, I am sure.  But still evil.  Bob says so, and Harry backs him on this.  Of course, Harry also thinks the squirrels are his minions and obey him, and he thinks that he is more than a match for a German Shepard, so his judgement might be questionable.  :>
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on September 08, 2011, 10:45:09 PM
Radar:
   You are the best dog ever.  I'm glad we had this little talk.

Jagger:

  Whatever you're finding to eat out in the yard is what's causing you to "redecorate" your kennel every night.  I do not appreciate dragging myself out of bed at 5:30 so I have enough time to clean both your kennel and you every morning.  Stop eating the stupid rotten apples that fall off the tree.  Bonehead.

Samba:
  I know.  I miss him too.  I'm sorry he doesn't love us anymore.

 Tango:
  When will it be MY turn to sit in MY chair?

Mambo:
  I'm glad you decided to be brave enough to come all the way to the front door today!  Don't be scared of the dogs.  You have more pointys than they do.  Soon you'll be a regular part of our little fur-family unit!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bansidhe on September 09, 2011, 01:12:16 PM
Dear Tamerlane, Orion, Aisling, Dubh, Molly Maguire, Calypso, Solentiname, Flynn, Mosiac, Sophia, and Ceylon:

Occasionally, I get up and walk around my house for purposes other than feeding you. There is no need to stampede toward the food bowls like a herd of starving wildebeest every time I stand up. Particularly since there is food in your bowls already from when I fed you ten minutes ago.

TIA!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 09, 2011, 01:18:00 PM
Dear Tamerlane, Orion, Aisling, Dubh, Molly Maguire, Calypso, Solentiname, Flynn, Mosiac, Sophia, and Ceylon:

Occasionally, I get up and walk around my house for purposes other than feeding you. There is no need to stampede toward the food bowls like a herd of starving wildebeest every time I stand up. Particularly since there is food in your bowls already from when I fed you ten minutes ago.

TIA!

We refer to that phenomenon as "Kittens of the Corn."
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: still in va on September 09, 2011, 01:37:51 PM
Dear Tamerlane, Orion, Aisling, Dubh, Molly Maguire, Calypso, Solentiname, Flynn, Mosiac, Sophia, and Ceylon:

Occasionally, I get up and walk around my house for purposes other than feeding you. There is no need to stampede toward the food bowls like a herd of starving wildebeest every time I stand up. Particularly since there is food in your bowls already from when I fed you ten minutes ago.

TIA!

dear bansidhe,

Gizmo the Wonder Kitty here.  please cease and desist the spreading of ugly rumors the likes of which i have bolded above.  my servant, stillinva, was hard enough to train in the first place.  don't mess it up.

tyvm,

GtWK.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bansidhe on September 09, 2011, 02:02:22 PM
We refer to that phenomenon as "Kittens of the Corn."

Ha! I'm so going to start using that.  :D

dear bansidhe,

Gizmo the Wonder Kitty here.  please cease and desist the spreading of ugly rumors the likes of which i have bolded above.  my servant, stillinva, was hard enough to train in the first place.  don't mess it up.

tyvm,

GtWK.

Dear Gizmo the Wonder Kitty,

How about a deal? I'll quit spreading rumors if you get your fellow cats to at least quit tripping people during the stampedes. I could live with that.

Yours,

bansidhe
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on September 09, 2011, 08:02:39 PM
Dear Tamerlane, Orion, Aisling, Dubh, Molly Maguire, Calypso, Solentiname, Flynn, Mosiac, Sophia, and Ceylon:

Occasionally, I get up and walk around my house for purposes other than feeding you. There is no need to stampede toward the food bowls like a herd of starving wildebeest every time I stand up. Particularly since there is food in your bowls already from when I fed you ten minutes ago.

TIA!

But that's OLD food!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: QueenofAllThings on September 09, 2011, 08:07:26 PM
Dear Strange  Cat That Stops By,

You're cute. You're even quite attractive. But I'm not in the market right now.

And, hey. I LIKE my chipmunk families, so please leave them be too.

Thanks - yours in EHell,

Queen
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: still in va on September 09, 2011, 08:38:23 PM
We refer to that phenomenon as "Kittens of the Corn."

Ha! I'm so going to start using that.  :D

dear bansidhe,

Gizmo the Wonder Kitty here.  please cease and desist the spreading of ugly rumors the likes of which i have bolded above.  my servant, stillinva, was hard enough to train in the first place.  don't mess it up.

tyvm,

GtWK.

Dear Gizmo the Wonder Kitty,

How about a deal? I'll quit spreading rumors if you get your fellow cats to at least quit tripping people during the stampedes. I could live with that.

Yours,

bansidhe

Dear Bansidhe,

Seems fair.  Deal.  After all, if you are tripped in the midst of the stampede, no food will be delivered.  I will transmit that message through the Cat Underground Network.

Your friend,

Gizmo the Wonder Kitty
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 09, 2011, 08:42:03 PM
Dear Peggy and Sassy:

I really must apologize to you both.  I'm so sorry I'm disturbing your naps when you can feel the vibration of my gas through the couch.  I can't imagine how bad the smell is for your more sensitive noses when it is bad enough for my own!  Hopefully I'll hurry up and hit menopause and stop having these horrible issues every month.

Your admittedly loud, stinky servant.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on September 09, 2011, 09:46:06 PM
Dear Peggy and Sassy:

I really must apologize to you both.  I'm so sorry I'm disturbing your naps when you can feel the vibration of my gas through the couch.  I can't imagine how bad the smell is for your more sensitive noses when it is bad enough for my own!  Hopefully I'll hurry up and hit menopause and stop having these horrible issues every month.

Your admittedly loud, stinky servant.

LMAO

Dear Dog, though you no longer live with me, the above post did make me think of the time I unintentionally (I swear!) Dutch Oven'ed you when you were burrowed under the blankets with me in bed.  I still think of the look of deep disgust on your face, and I still laugh when I think of it.

Yours,
GEH
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JoW on September 09, 2011, 10:08:12 PM
Dear Dax,

You are fat and old.  You are no longer kitten enough to jump up on the bed.  I put a little 3-step staircase on the floor for you to use to climb up on the bed.  Please use the staircase.  That way you won't dig your claws into the bedspread and pull it off me while trying to climb up on the bed. 

BTW - breakfast is not served until 5:30am even if you do wake me up by pulling the bedspread off me at 5:15. 


She Who Opens Cans
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on September 10, 2011, 06:59:38 AM
Dear Guinevere,

You didn't get to be 19 by accident.  Please stop hiding when you know I want to give you your meds.  I want you to have all nine of your lives because I love you.

MomCat
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on September 10, 2011, 11:56:29 AM
Dear Tamerlane, Orion, Aisling, Dubh, Molly Maguire, Calypso, Solentiname, Flynn, Mosiac, Sophia, and Ceylon:

Occasionally, I get up and walk around my house for purposes other than feeding you. There is no need to stampede toward the food bowls like a herd of starving wildebeest every time I stand up. Particularly since there is food in your bowls already from when I fed you ten minutes ago.

TIA!

But that's OLD food!
ROFL! That's so cat!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on September 10, 2011, 12:16:21 PM
Well, you know what they say.  Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on September 10, 2011, 05:54:04 PM
Dear Willow,

You are fed at 8:30 in the morning and again at 8:30 in the evening.  This is so that your insulin shots are as close to 12 hours apart as I can get them.  It does no good whatsoever to be meowing squeaking and just barely brushing my bare legs with your tail at 6:00.  It tickles, and is not effective!

And the cold wet nose on my leg isn't much appreciated either.

Love,
The Scritcher
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Julian on September 10, 2011, 10:17:52 PM
Dear Milly

I apologise, truly and deeply, for putting you in your box and taking you in the car to that nasty lady that stuck a needle in you for your blood test.  And I also apologise for the yucky food, when Morty and Salem get the 'good stuff'.  But that yucky food, and the medicine in it, are keeping you alive and well.

I know you didn't ask for your kidneys to fail, but together, Princess, you and I will keep you as well as possible, as long as possible.  I love you and dread to think that you won't be around forever.

Love you, baby girl.
mum xxx
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Daffydilly on September 10, 2011, 10:24:50 PM
Dear Cage,
Thank you for not tripping me this morning. Yesterday was a bad day with the apartment getting packed up and you got in trouble for being in the middle of it. We do love you and hope that things will be better after you move to Texas with the guy and the baby. I love you too. You drive me nuts, but I love you cat.

I'll be in Korea for six months. You might forget me, but I'll still miss you and love you. And I'll hopefully be home in the springtime.

Food giver

PS You're trying to eat my toes while I type. Sorry, my giggles freaked you out.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 11, 2011, 02:38:39 PM
Dear Smudge and Optimus Prime,

You have very bad colds. This is dangerous for baby kitties who weigh less than a pound. We ARE going to wrap you up in dishtowels like little purritos and put drops in your nose.

Deal. You're lucky that we're giving you the amoxicillin in two squirts so you don't have to swallow a huge mouthful at once. But you're going to get the medicine.

Love,
The Big Pink Things

P.S. You look very adorable when you snuggle up to the humidifier.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Klein Bottle on September 11, 2011, 06:23:47 PM
Dear Tango,

You are, indeed, one of the world's cutest little kitties, and at age five months, you are really growing up!  It made me sad to come home from vacation last month and see just how big you'd gotten.  However, it should be no surprise, the way you eat.  I think you out-eat Ajax, and he's a huge, grown kitty cat!

Let's talk about Ajax for a moment.  To my surprise and delight, he really seems to like you!  Y'all snuggle together to sleep, and he actually gets up off his curmudgeonly butt to play with you sometimes.  You are good for him, and he is good for you.

However, Ajax is a grown, male kitty.  Therefore, your "nursing" on his back, kneading him, and making those sucking sounds is really to no avail.  We are all surprised that he tolerates it, but I have to tell you that no milk will ever be forthcoming. 

Now, let's talk about Phoebe and Penelope.  Yes, we know that you sometimes seem to think that you are the "third Yorkie", and you definitely hold you own with those girls, but, Dearest Tango, you are a kitty cat!  That said, I am very happy that you have found two willing playmates in the dogs, and I look forward to y'all having many happy, fun years together.  Y'all are so cute together!

As mentioned, you eat...a lot.  However, try as I might, I can't open your food cans any faster, so please, refrain from making those very loud, "I am starving to death" sounds when I go to feed you and Ajax!  Good things come to those who wait, just ask Ajax. 

You are a sweet, pretty little girl, and I will never regret that we rescued you from a horrible fate, the likes of which I don't even care to contemplate.  You deserve so much more than that.  Remember on the drive home when I first got you, that little song I was singing you?  It went something like, "You just won the lottery, and you don't even know it..."  Well, I still think you did.  You were flea-ridden, half-starved, and about to be drowned in a sack  when I brought you home.  However, the second verse should go, "We won the lottery too, cause we get to care for you!"  I can't think of a better addition to our home.  We love you, pretty little girl, and I promise, you will get the best life we can give you.  And, according to Ajax, Phoebe, and Penelope, that's pretty good.

Forever,

Mindi

PS--please stop knocking Russ's glasses off the end table!  If they break, I'm taking the cost out of your canned food allowance!    :P
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: HungryHungryKitties on September 11, 2011, 08:06:07 PM
Dear Fred,

You weigh 18.4 pounds.  Really, you do.  Please do not run across me in the middle of the night.  I think you left bruises.

Love,
The big pink thing
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bansidhe on September 11, 2011, 09:43:38 PM
Dear Mosaic,

Could you please refrain from making biscuits in my navel?

Thanks much!

Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on September 11, 2011, 09:48:08 PM
Dear Fred,

You weigh 18.4 pounds.  Really, you do.  Please do not run across me in the middle of the night.  I think you left bruises.

Love,
The big pink thing

Dear Harry,

Yes, I know this means that there are bigger cats out there than you are.  I still don't want you running across me in the middle of the night (or any other time) because I KNOW you leave bruises.

And the vet says you are fine, but he doesn't want you gaining any more weight.  And you are lazy.  So we have to cut down on your food a little bit.  Honest, dude, you are not going to starve to death between 10pm and 6am.  You just aren't.

Hugs and kisses (but no snacky-cakes or cheesy-poofs),
Your favorite food provider
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on September 11, 2011, 10:57:43 PM
Dear Fred,

You weigh 18.4 pounds.  Really, you do.  Please do not run across me in the middle of the night.  I think you left bruises.

Love,
The big pink thing

Dear Harry,

Yes, I know this means that there are bigger cats out there than you are.  I still don't want you running across me in the middle of the night (or any other time) because I KNOW you leave bruises.

And the vet says you are fine, but he doesn't want you gaining any more weight.  And you are lazy.  So we have to cut down on your food a little bit.  Honest, dude, you are not going to starve to death between 10pm and 6am.  You just aren't.

Hugs and kisses (but no snacky-cakes or cheesy-poofs),
Your favorite food provider

Dear Blackie,

I know you love it when I open the bedroom window.  I know it has all kinds of sounds and smells for you to investigate.  Truly, they will still be there if you walk across the bed instead of charging over delicate parts and my head to get up there.  And for that matter, please refrain from chasing your sister back and forth across my stomach.  Put together, you're 21 pounds of cat.

Thank you,
Your mere human
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GIR on September 11, 2011, 11:37:02 PM
Dear Fat Cat,

Please for the love of all that is good and pure can you stop with the flying kitty of doom drops onto your much skinnier sister? While i find it funny to watch you lauch your chunky butt off the top of the 6 foot cat tree daddy built you ,it grates on the nerves when your sister lets fly with one of her super screeches after having all 14lbs of you land on top of 5lb her. So seriously stop.

Dear Skinny butt,

What is your fascination with closets? It's very inconvienient that we have to put latches on the doors. Also stop running away from the puppy. The faster you move the more the Border Collie X Blue Heeler with big time herding instincts will chase after you.
 
PS. To both of you..... Stop thundering through the house like a pair of miniature stampeding elephants after the baby has gone to bed. For a pair of tiny cats you make an awful lot of noise.


Much love ,
 The human pillow.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on September 12, 2011, 11:49:05 AM
Dear Fuzzy,

When mommy is playing on the computer that does not mean it's time for you to get pets. Sitting on the desk right in front of me so that you face is six inches from my face does not endear me to you. I lie, who could deny that such cute face and loud purr? Sometimes mommy just wants to play WoW without having to make excuses to her group members about why her dps is so low. I can't see through you and biting my hand when I slide you out of the way just hurts! Stop it!

Your ever adoring slave.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Daffydilly on September 12, 2011, 10:53:48 PM
Dear Cage,

You had lots of fun dashing about the apartment, out to the patio and back in again. I brought you in and closed the screen. It was dark out and hard to see the screen. We are so sorry and (cough) not laughing at your running smack into it.

Sefaeria
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on September 12, 2011, 11:08:43 PM
Dear Cage,

You had lots of fun dashing about the apartment, out to the patio and back in again. I brought you in and closed the screen. It was dark out and hard to see the screen. We are so sorry and (cough) not laughing at your running smack into it.

Sefaeria

*snerk*

Could you try it again with the video camera on to (a) amuse the Ehellions as a whole and (b) win yourself some money on your country's version of Funniest Home Videos!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MonteCristo on September 13, 2011, 08:02:08 AM
Dear Lyla,

Mommy appreciates that you like to snuggle at night, and she has no problem at all with waking up with you curled up on her stomach.  However, kneading Mommy's forhead at 3 am is not acceptable and will get you thrown out of bed. 

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: That Anime Chick on September 13, 2011, 10:56:20 AM
Dear Cage,

You had lots of fun dashing about the apartment, out to the patio and back in again. I brought you in and closed the screen. It was dark out and hard to see the screen. We are so sorry and (cough) not laughing at your running smack into it.

Sefaeria

Oh dear..that happened to my kitty when I was first living on my own. I had the sliding screen door closed and she made a mad dash to freedom..only to be thwarted. She laid on the floor stunned for a moment, then slunk off to sulk.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on September 13, 2011, 12:23:54 PM
I just posted about two of mine doing the same thing in the Things You Shouldn't Laugh At thread.  They really wanted to check out the steak on the grill.    Two cats going THUD in less than five minutes.

Also....

Dearest Tyra,  I realize that the current brand of food is apparently not agreeing with your tummy.  If you have to puke up your meal, please do it on the hard floor and not the shaggy carpet.  It is only three feet away from your last two pukes & I'm not happy trying to get barf out of the rug.

Love,
Your Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: happygrrl on September 13, 2011, 01:33:49 PM
Dearest sad, puny, nelected, frail, unloved cats o' mine,

Yes, I know. Yes, it's sad. Yes, i should be punished for sleeping in to 7am, which means you did not get your morning plate of wet food until 7:10. Oh, dear. I realize you are tramatized, and severely put out, and i shall endeavour to meet your every whim on time from now on.

Until I don't.

Love,

Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: General Jinjur on September 13, 2011, 01:37:29 PM
Cat.

What is your problem.

For five years - five! - we've had the baby gate installed, to keep a hungry, tall dog out of the kitchen. When we put it in, we placed it high enough that you could comfortably walk under it, and you did so. For four years. Then, suddenly, after the Nom moved to his own room right next to said gate, you started jumping OVER it. And you suck at that, frankly. You fail at being a cat, because nine times out of ten, instead of clearing it gracefully, you smack it and it goes WHAM! and wakes us and/or the Nom up. Seriously, you started doing this the same night that the Nom moved to his own bedroom. Are you clueless or evil? That's a rhetorical question.

Yours in mutual antagonism,

Me
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hollanda on September 13, 2011, 02:20:34 PM
Dear Mummy Cat

Please try not to growl and hiss so ferociously at your own son. The noise goes right through me.

Dear "Baby" Cat

When Mummy is in one of her stressy moods (PMS?), it is really not a good idea to defiantly jump up on the book case next to where she is sitting.  You have to have worked out by now that it wins you no Brownie points. Just leave her alone for a minute. Chasing her tail and trying to bite it doesn't help improve her mood - take it from me.

To both of you

When I put down my glass of milk, it does not mean it is fair game for either of you to dip your paws into it and then lick your paws. It's quite endearing to watch, but it means I really cannot drink that milk! You can carry on sitting on my knee and purring into my bump, though! :)

All my love

Your devoted slave
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 13, 2011, 02:24:27 PM
Cat.

What is your problem.

For five years - five! - we've had the baby gate installed, to keep a hungry, tall dog out of the kitchen. When we put it in, we placed it high enough that you could comfortably walk under it, and you did so. For four years. Then, suddenly, after the Nom moved to his own room right next to said gate, you started jumping OVER it. And you suck at that, frankly. You fail at being a cat, because nine times out of ten, instead of clearing it gracefully, you smack it and it goes WHAM! and wakes us and/or the Nom up. Seriously, you started doing this the same night that the Nom moved to his own bedroom. Are you clueless or evil? That's a rhetorical question.

Yours in mutual antagonism,

Me

I hate to spoil your fun by suggesting a solution, but is it a plastic mesh gate? Cut a small hole in the mesh. (Start smaller than you think - cats can squeeze through very tiny spaces.)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: General Jinjur on September 14, 2011, 05:12:48 AM
Nope, it's wood, and well high enough for her to walk under. She's just being a jerk.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: zyrs on September 14, 2011, 05:28:08 AM
Dear Simon;

The itsh is a quarter inch to the right.  Thank you.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on September 14, 2011, 03:42:30 PM
Dear Stephen,

We need to talk. You are getting a reputation at the vet as the cat that got trapped by a boiler/ate string/raided a bin/and various other completely unnecessary and expensive accidents.

Walking in today with your paw covered in blood, rolling over and refusing to move is a good way to scare your mummy.  Getting rushed to the vet where they find out that somehow in the five minutes you were unsupervised outside you have splintered every single claw on all four paws, two down to the quick, was not good news.

So for the next few days you are going to be on pills and liquid. Please take them. Otherwise the vet was talking claw amputation. This means that even if you do shut yourself in the cupboard or climb the curtains, mummy will be sticking the pills down your furry throat. Feeding it to your sister, as you tried last time, will not be an option.

Why do you do this to yourself? Why? And more importantly, how?

Regards,
Mummy.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on September 14, 2011, 03:48:43 PM
Dear Stephen,

We need to talk. You are getting a reputation at the vet as the cat that got trapped by a boiler/ate string/raided a bin/and various other completely unnecessary and expensive accidents.

Walking in today with your paw covered in blood, rolling over and refusing to move is a good way to scare your mummy.  Getting rushed to the vet where they find out that somehow in the five minutes you were unsupervised outside you have splintered every single claw on all four paws, two down to the quick, was not good news.

So for the next few days you are going to be on pills and liquid. Please take them. Otherwise the vet was talking claw amputation. This means that even if you do shut yourself in the cupboard or climb the curtains, mummy will be sticking the pills down your furry throat. Feeding it to your sister, as you tried last time, will not be an option.

Why do you do this to yourself? Why? And more importantly, how?

Regards,
Mummy.

Dear Stephen,

I'm sorry your claws are in such a state. I hope you heal quickly.

If you don't like having pills shoved down your throat, do you like cream cheese? And do you think you could fake out your human into buying you some and rolling the pills inside a little ball of cream cheese? My human likes to think she figured this out on her own, but you and I know better. At least she knows now to stop at the grocery on the way home from the vet's to pick up a package of cheese just for me!

Head butts for a speedy recovery,
Fred the Fearless
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on September 14, 2011, 03:50:36 PM
Cream cheese, right? I'll have to try that. Thanks.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on September 14, 2011, 03:58:29 PM
Cream cheese, right? I'll have to try that. Thanks.

Well, it only works if your cat likes cream cheese to begin with. But Fred, poor, dear Freddie, hasn't knowingly taken a pill in years. He does get a lot of cream cheese balls after visits to the vet for his UTIs, though. Much less of a struggle for both of us. Fred just gulps them down whole.

Before the cream cheese, we had to do the whole burrito-the-cat-in-a-towel bit, followed by the shove-the-pill-down-the-cat's-throat bit, followed by the 10-minute-stare-into-each-other's-eyes bit while I clamped his mouth shut waiting for him to swallow.

If the cream cheese doesn't work, you can also try wrapping the pill in a bit of deli-thin sliced meat, but they have a way of spotting that more quickly.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on September 14, 2011, 04:21:01 PM
Chicken broth + syringe + mortar + pestle = getting pill into kitty.

Very few pills given to animals need to be swallowed whole.  If this one doesn't, this is my recommendation.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ferrets on September 14, 2011, 04:45:31 PM
Quote
However healthy the cat, there will come a time when it needs a Pill. Oh, how we nod and look like respectable, concerned cat owners as the vet hands us the little packs (one grey one every five days and then a brown one after ten days, or was it the other way round?). And once we were all innocent and thought, the cat food smells like something off the bottom of a pond anyway; Real cat can't possibly notice if we crumble the d.amn things up a bit and mix them in...

As we get wiser, of course, we learn that the average Real cat has taste buds that make the most complex computer-driven sensory apparatus look like a man with a cold. It can spot an alien molecule a mile off (we tried halving the suspect food and adding more from the tin, and kept on doing it until it was like that famous French chemical experiment with the weird water and everything, there surely couldn't have been any pill left, but Real cat knew).

Next comes the realist phase ("After all, from a purely geometrical point of view a cat is only a tube with a door at the top").

You take the pill in one hand and the cat in the other...

Er...

You take the pill in one hand and in the other you take a large kitchen towel with one angry cat head poking out of the end. With your third hand you prise open the tiny jaws, insert the pill, clamp the jaws shut, and with your fourth hand tickle the throat until a small gulping noise indicates that pill has gone down.

You wish.

It hasn't gone down. Because it's just gone sideways. Real cats have a secret pouch in their cheeks for this sort of thing. A Real cat can take a pill, eat a meal, and then spit out the slightly damp pill with a noise which, if this was a comic strip, would probably be represented as ptooie.

It is important to avoid the third stage, which basically consists of Man, Beast and Medicine locked in dynamic struggle and ought to be sculpted rather than described (as in Rodin's 'Man Giving Pill to Cat').

The fourth stage is up to you. Usually by now the cat is displaying such a new lease of life that the treatment might be said to have worked. Grinding the pill up with a bit of water and spooning it in sometimes does the trick. A fellow Real cat owner says powdering the wretched object - the pill, not the cat, although by stage four you'll entertain any idea - mixing it with a little butter and smearing it on a paw is a sure-fire method, because the cat's ancient instinct is to lick itself clean. Close questioning suggested that he hadn't actually tried this, just deduced it from theoretical studies (he's an engineer, so that explains it). Our view is that an animal that will starve and asphyxiate before taking its medicine won't have any trouble with a grubby paw.

 - The Unadulterated Cat, Terry Pratchett
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on September 14, 2011, 08:22:07 PM
You think pills are tricky, try having to squirt antibiotic cream onto your cat's eyeball. If that's not threading a camel through the eye of a needle there's no such thing (apologies for the mixed metaphor)

Even burritoed up the Master of Disaster would manage to squirm at the exact right second so the cream would end up all over his nose or in his ear...
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on September 14, 2011, 08:39:40 PM
I ask for all of Oscar's medicines in liquid form.  A syringe and a cat tree (me with the syringe, him sitting on the cat tree), hold the scruff of his neck and squirt over the back of his tonge and we're done.  Of course, he shakes his head at the end and I get a light drifting of the medicine over me, but hey, I haven't had a heart worm in years!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on September 14, 2011, 09:11:16 PM
God bless the vet that gave Smokey his antibiotic and anti-infammatory as a time released shot so I didn't have to give him a single pill for those two weeks.  Those shots were possibily the best money I ever spent.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on September 14, 2011, 11:25:49 PM
Did DD#2 have the only cat in the world who was such an attention sponge that you could do almost anything to him?  She found him as a stray, and since we didn't have a carrier, I was rather dubious about taking him home.  But instead of bouncing around the car like a demented ping-pong ball, he sat on her lap, plastered himself to her stomach, and purred all the way home.

And of course he needed massive immunizations and treatments.  His poor ears were crusted nearly full with ear mites, so we kept him isolated until they were knocked down.  Ear mite treatment meant two different liquids squirted into the ears and massaging the base of the ear to make sure it has all gone down.  Kirk, at 8 weeks old, required the towel-and-two-people treatment. (And bit the poor vet's finger to the bone just for looking in his ears!)  But Gray, at best guess 1 1/2 to 2 years old, was all "If I can sit on your lap, sure you can pour junk into my ears!"  "Pills?  OK, as long as you pet me afterward!"  Sit him on your lap, pop his jaws open with one hand, poke the pill onto the back of his tongue with the other, and you were done.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bansidhe on September 15, 2011, 12:11:41 AM
Four of my cats are on medication and/or supplements daily and putting it in food is not an option. All four are easy to medicate - one so easy I don't even restrain her in any way.

So thanks:
Tamerlane (glucosamine and Welactin)
Orion (glucosamine, Welactin, and lactulose)
Dubh (metronidazole)
Flynn (lactulose and cisapride)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on September 15, 2011, 01:00:18 AM
You think pills are tricky, try having to squirt antibiotic cream onto your cat's eyeball. If that's not threading a camel through the eye of a needle there's no such thing (apologies for the mixed metaphor)

Even burritoed up the Master of Disaster would manage to squirm at the exact right second so the cream would end up all over his nose or in his ear...
Been there, done that. Took three to hold him and we still wound up covered in the stuff...and then by the fourth time he decided it wasn't that bad. Did I mention he was getting a reputation at the vet as a two-nurse cat? Pill pushed deep inside a whiskas stick segment and job done. The liquid one might be trickier, since it will be a syringe into mouth job.

ETA: Sorry for the hi-jack.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 15, 2011, 09:24:00 AM
Thanks to the last litter's bout with coccidia and the current kittens' colds and worms, The Sweetie is an expert at pilling/syringing cats.

I am the nosedrop ninja.

ETA that spellcheck wants to make coccidia into Iacocca.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on September 15, 2011, 12:35:29 PM
Did DD#2 have the only cat in the world who was such an attention sponge that you could do almost anything to him?  She found him as a stray, and since we didn't have a carrier, I was rather dubious about taking him home.  But instead of bouncing around the car like a demented ping-pong ball, he sat on her lap, plastered himself to her stomach, and purred all the way home.

And of course he needed massive immunizations and treatments.  His poor ears were crusted nearly full with ear mites, so we kept him isolated until they were knocked down.  Ear mite treatment meant two different liquids squirted into the ears and massaging the base of the ear to make sure it has all gone down.  Kirk, at 8 weeks old, required the towel-and-two-people treatment. (And bit the poor vet's finger to the bone just for looking in his ears!)  But Gray, at best guess 1 1/2 to 2 years old, was all "If I can sit on your lap, sure you can pour junk into my ears!"  "Pills?  OK, as long as you pet me afterward!"  Sit him on your lap, pop his jaws open with one hand, poke the pill onto the back of his tongue with the other, and you were done.

Moe was the best cat. I had to give her the antibiotic eye cream that JadeAngel did. At the vet's when she got the first dose, she fought the vet like a tiger. The vet advised me to have someone else hold her while I put the cream in her eye. That lasted about two days, and then it was time to do it and there was no one around to help. I tucked Moe under one arm (hadn't learned about the towel/burrito thing yet), and held her eye open with the fingers of one hand, and put the cream in with the other. She meowed, but didn't flinch. She was pretty good with pills, too, although she never had to take many. Just the sweetest cat ever.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on September 15, 2011, 02:38:28 PM
Dear Stephen,

This morning was concealed pill and towel-wrapping time, with many objections.

This evening you decided that you liked the pill enough to steal it while I was putting it in the chewy stick and down it in one gulp. Headbutting me until I gave you the chew anyway was sweet. Whatever brought this mood change on, long may it last!

Regards,
Mummy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: January Girl on September 15, 2011, 03:51:15 PM
Dear Ginger,

By now you figured out your treats are in the same pantry as my spices. When Mommy cooks and needs spices and opens the door, it does not mean you get a treat everytime. Did you notice your belly that sways when you run? A little "Sweating to the Oldies for Kitties" is possibly in order?

Furballs are rough, I know. But when comes up...please leave it on Daddy's side. He handles that way better than Mommy.

When you want to go romping through the yard like Jungle Cat, please come back before dark. You're sending the wrong message to the neighborhood that you are a kitty ho.

I adore you and wouldn't trade you in for a million other calicos.

Hugs and Tuna,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: starofwinter on September 16, 2011, 02:33:49 PM
Dear Pheobe,

You are my favorite tabby kitty, even though I call you stupid sometimes.  Remember Forrest Gump?  'Stupid is as stupid does.'  That doesn't mean I don't love you.  Also, may I inquire as to your heritage?  I'm pretty sure you've got some rabbit in you, from the way you hop and run, and your beautifully soft fur. 

However, an issue has come up.  Please stop sleeping with your eyes half-open.  It freaks me out.

Love,
Your big sister.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 16, 2011, 02:37:22 PM
Dear Phoebe,

Don't listen to her! Sleeping with your eyes open is a time-honored cat custom.

Love,
Jack

(http://i822.photobucket.com/albums/zz144/Packie_Rattie/ae000af1.jpg)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Twik on September 16, 2011, 03:43:16 PM
Dear Stephen,

This morning was concealed pill and towel-wrapping time, with many objections.

This evening you decided that you liked the pill enough to steal it while I was putting it in the chewy stick and down it in one gulp. Headbutting me until I gave you the chew anyway was sweet. Whatever brought this mood change on, long may it last!

Regards,
Mummy.

Dear Mummy,

You mean, you wanted me to eat that pill? I didn't steal something I wasn't meant to have?

Oops.

Stephen
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bluhairfreak on September 20, 2011, 04:56:40 PM
Dear Rocky
   Pay closer attention to Carrie's and Smudges ears when you're trying to play with them.  Yours are upright and attentive, their''s are pinned back flat.  They DO NOT want to play with you.  When you want to play, play with Patch, he's the one who likes to play.

   love the provider of food and scritches
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hollanda on September 22, 2011, 04:13:21 PM
Dear cats

When the dining room is dark and you are sitting outside watching us do our thing in the house, it can make us humans jump when all we can see through the window are two huge pairs of yellow-green, staring eyes.

NB I suppose you two think it is hilarious to, as soon as I open the back door, greet me with loud meows and yowls, as though you have been starving for the past week and you need food immediately or you will die. Remember, kitties, I am the hand that feeds you, so I know how much food you eat and when you eat it. I know I have an awful memory, but not quite that bad just yet.

Cheers

Your servants
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Cutenoob on September 22, 2011, 06:55:01 PM
Dear Fuzzy:

I love you very much and know that you love me. But for Pete's sakes, stop walking on MY FEET! You get all upset if I bonk/trip over you! Your stepping on my feet hurts. You're FAT.
Oh and because you're fat, I'm restricting food access/feeding times. Get over it. I still love you, you're my plop cat, but just cuz you whine and meow and beg does NOT mean you are going to get anything.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on September 22, 2011, 08:38:49 PM
Dear Samba,

No, it is not ALWAYS "time to pay attention to the kitty".  Especially not when it's 2am, I'm half-asleep, cannot see because I don't have my contacts in, and am groggily stumbling to the bathroom.  This is not a good time for you to twine yourself around my ankles.  If I fall and break my neck, we all starve.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hushabye on September 22, 2011, 10:25:33 PM
Dear Tesla,

Just because I'm bent over in such a fashion as to make my back nearly horizontally flat, that doesn't mean that it's become a kitty resting place.  So when you jump up there, prance around, and curl up to nap, I'm going to straighten up and slide you to the floor.  This tends not to be pleasant for either of us, so stop jumping up there in the first place!

Your tired human servant
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MonteCristo on September 23, 2011, 09:13:53 AM
Dear Alexei,

I realize you are a cat, and therefore unlikely to learn to stay on command, but I can't afford for you to keep knocking my contacts out of my hand on to your back and then running off so that they are forever lost.  You keep this up and you will be locked out of the room, which I know will break your bathroom loving heart.  I realize that you knock things off the counter because you want me to feed you, but I can't even find the cabinet your food is in until I have my contacts in.  Just go eat out of the free food bowl if you are so desperate! 

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ashaela on September 23, 2011, 11:33:08 AM
Dear Sam:

I understand that you had 7 years of life before adopting your current humans, and I can tell that it was a happy time for you.  No kitty who wasn't loved and adored would be so big and healthy and confident from the moment you came home with us.

However, it seems your previous humans had some rather unfortunate habits, or perhaps you just had them better trained than we currently are.  A few points of clarification:

1) 3 A.M. is not playtime.  I know you've been sleeping all day and have your batteries fully charged, but sleepy humans need to sleep.  Cats walking on their heads tends to have a negative impact on the efficacy of said sleep.

2) 3 A.M. is also not the time for meowing in my ear or headbutting me.  I know the fact that I haven't gotten up to play yet has you extremely distraught - after all, you are the Cat and you need to Play, Now - but... well, see above.  Sleepy humans really do need to sleep.

3) As I said in my last letter, 3 A.M. is also not the time to turn the radio on when you get bored and are tired of being ignored.  Everything I said above about walking on my head and meowing in my ear affecting sleep also applies to sudden loud bursts of music.  And.... you get the idea.  By now I am a very sleepy human!

All I'm asking for is a few nights of uninterrupted snoozing.  Surely you can understand that, right?  I hate to throw threats around, but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like spending the night in the living room with the other two.  You might even have to share their food and water bowls instead of using your own....  And we all know you're too exalted to share.

Sincerely,
  Your devoted (and exhausted) cat-toy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on September 27, 2011, 05:44:56 PM
Dear Smokey,

You were outside in the backyard all day.  It is not necessary to "hold it" and make a mad dash for the litter box as soon as you get in.  Can't you take a hint from your younger brother who hates the litter box and manages to do everything in the backyard?  We have lots of dirt just for you!

Love,
The Litter Box Cleaner
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on September 27, 2011, 05:51:37 PM
Dear Smokey,

You were outside in the backyard all day.  It is not necessary to "hold it" and make a mad dash for the litter box as soon as you get in.  Can't you take a hint from your younger brother who hates the litter box and manages to do everything in the backyard?  We have lots of dirt just for you!

Love,
The Litter Box Cleaner

My parents would like to trade cats with you! SophieCat prefers to pee on the lawn or in the veggies, leaving bare, dead patches everywhere. They don't let her out unattended anymore.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bansidhe on September 28, 2011, 12:46:54 AM
Dear Smokey,

You were outside in the backyard all day.  It is not necessary to "hold it" and make a mad dash for the litter box as soon as you get in.  Can't you take a hint from your younger brother who hates the litter box and manages to do everything in the backyard?  We have lots of dirt just for you!

Love,
The Litter Box Cleaner

Dear Mosaic,

Please read the message to Smokey above. See? It's really true. You don't have to run in at top speed during Supervised Outdoor Playtime to use the litter box. It's OK to go while you're outside. I know the dirt doesn't make those cool clumps like the litter does, but you can still use it.

Love,

Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MonteCristo on September 28, 2011, 08:13:56 AM
Dear Alexei & Lyla,

I realize that it is getting cooler in the house as Fall approaches, but is it necessary for you to sleep thisclose to my face?  It is very disconcerting for your mommy to open her eyes and have a a pair of cats practically sleeping up her nose.  Also, do you think it is possible for you to develop a quieter purr for nighttime?  That buzz saw racket you were making last night was incredibly loud, though I could probably stand it if you were a few more inches away.  If you are cold, can't you just creep under the covers?  Do I need to make you sweater?

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: savve on September 28, 2011, 08:14:42 AM
Dear Orion and Santiago
The hoover will not suck out your souls. I promise. And sweet little Orion, why can't you use the scratching post like your brother? Sofas are expensive!
Lots of love
Mama
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Daffydilly on September 28, 2011, 03:45:44 PM
Dear Cage.
I hope you had a good trip from Utah to Texas. It sounded like you handled it okay. Be nice to MIL's dog and be your cool cat self. I can't wait to see you when I get home next spring. And then I will love you, hug you and make another giant kitty fishing pole for you to chase. DH told me you finally broke the metal rod on the last one. Why am I not surprised?

Love,
Sefaeria
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on September 28, 2011, 04:30:00 PM
Dear Midnight;

What is your problem?  For over 17 years you have been our "stealth Siamese," a black feral cat who vocalizes like a Siamese.  You never kept us up all night until the last couple months.  Now you yeowl all.night.long.  I need to sleep at night.  I have to work during the daytime, when you apparently get all your shut eye time.  Since you haven't let me get more than half an hour of sleep at a time for 2 nights now, I am becoming demented.  My reasoning is faulty.  Quit it or Ima gonna wring your scrawny neck and you will become a culinary treat; Maybe Kitty Manapua or Pussy Cat Adobo. (j/k)

I procured weapons (squirt guns).  I tried shooting Midnight in the face when she yells at me at O'dawn thirty.  Not much of a deterrent.  So I pull out all stops and shoot her continuously until she runs from the room.  She is now taking the squirt gun more seriously.  Either that or it takes her 10-15 minutes to lick all the water off before she can yell at me again.

Honestly, I'm on the brink.  Sleep deprivation is insidious.  I have much more sympathy for parents of newborns.  DH said we need to take Midnight & Bootsie to the vet to see if there is something wrong.  I don't know what she's yelling about, but it needs to stop.

Sincerely,
The Staff
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 28, 2011, 04:34:13 PM
I semiseriously considered getting my old cat's voice box removed, she was driving me so mental.  When I took her to the vet, he wondered if it was her thyroid and tried medicating her for that.  It didn't work but the next diagnosis was feline dementia.  So I resorted to ear plugs and eventually rehomed the old girl with my Dad, since he's retired and didn't need to get up in the morning!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on September 28, 2011, 04:39:46 PM
Got enough water? Food? Warm place to snooze? Is another pet in the house bothering her?

Those are all reasons why my lovely LOUD Burmese kitty howls (as she gets older, the cold bothers her more and more). Now when she gets going, I get up and check everything - if I find what is bugging her, I get to go back to sleep. Yes, she has me well-trained. :)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on September 28, 2011, 04:52:08 PM
Got enough water? Food? Warm place to snooze? Is another pet in the house bothering her?

Those are all reasons why my lovely LOUD Burmese kitty howls (as she gets older, the cold bothers her more and more). Now when she gets going, I get up and check everything - if I find what is bugging her, I get to go back to sleep. Yes, she has me well-trained. :)
As you can see in my profile pic, Midnight looks like the Burmese breed standard.  The girls (they are sisters) have a water bowl and a water fountain, kibbles at all times and canned food 3 times a day (more if Midnight will eat because she's too thin.)  She would have a warm place to sleep if she would just sleep there.  She has several favorite spots: My pillow (I get to use a corner, but she pays in purrs ;D), the corner of the bed by Dad's head (where she gets lovin'), the blanket at the foot of the bed, AND don't forget the 7 foot high aerie (aka cat tower).  She likes to be up high, lookin' down on the rest of us.

The night before last I got up and followed her to see what might be the problem.  I call it "Extreme Helicopter parenting," because I follow right on her tail.  She just wandered around.  She will quiet down if we pick her up and pet her, but as soon as you stop petting because you are falling asleep, she starts up with the yeowling.  I felt her tiny little body all over and could not find any spot that is more tender than any other spot, but her body is rigid with tension.

BTW blue2000:  I appreciate the suggestions of things to check.  I replied to let you know I checked those, but keep the suggestions coming folks.  I find it interesting that so many of us have the same complaints with our cats: They won't share the pillow and they keep us up at night.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on September 28, 2011, 05:51:32 PM
LOL! Sounds like Midnight wants attention for some reason, just like a little kid. I've chased mine out of the bedroom a few times because she would not let me sleep - and once she tried to sneak back in, crawling on her belly and peeking around the door to see if I saw her. But she was still screaming, so it wasn't very sneaky!!! I just about fell over laughing at that one.

A vet visit is a good idea if you can't find anything in the house that is wrong. Almost makes you wish they could talk, doesn't it? (Mine curses at me in cat sometimes - I don't think I want to know that part :P)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on September 28, 2011, 06:07:47 PM
Speaking of which...

Dearest darling Pris,

I know you love sitting on my lap. And you love the blankie. I appreciate that you are willing to bother me endlessly to get them. You have driven me insane today with the lap thing.

Now you have decided that you want to sit next to them instead, but you still insist I need to stay still and keep a hot scratchy blanket on my legs. Quite frankly, this makes Mama a bit stabby. And we know the number one house rule, don't we?? An Annoyed Mama Is A Non-Petting Mama. Try to follow that one a little better next time, OK?

Sincerely,
     blue2000
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on September 28, 2011, 07:17:32 PM
An Annoyed Mama Is A Non-Petting Mama.
I love it, blue2000.  Words to live by ...

Midnight tries sneaking back into the bedroom, giving me looks like, "Are you going to soak me again?"  I told her, "Not as long as you use your indoor voice."

Since you live with a LOUD Burmese, you might understand why we love our vocal kitty.  We call her "The Cat with 1,000 Sounds."  We love having conversations with her.  We hate it when she yells. :-\
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on September 28, 2011, 07:49:25 PM
Dear Portia.

The new leather lounge is not a scratching post *sob* only had it for 5 months and it's my first new couch. She does it while I sleep.

*snip*

*sob, my new lounge*  WHY dang it WHHYYYYYYY!!!!! *cries and whimpers in the corner*


Try double sided sticky tape on the particularly delectable parts of the sofa - kitties don't like sticky stuff on their paws.  You can also get stuff from the pet store to deter scratching.  And I think you can get stuff from the leather sofa shop to help disguise existing scratches (at least so they don't glow at you).
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on September 28, 2011, 08:04:56 PM
An Annoyed Mama Is A Non-Petting Mama.
I love it, blue2000.  Words to live by ...

Midnight tries sneaking back into the bedroom, giving me looks like, "Are you going to soak me again?"  I told her, "Not as long as you use your indoor voice."

Since you live with a LOUD Burmese, you might understand why we love our vocal kitty.  We call her "The Cat with 1,000 Sounds."  We love having conversations with her.  We hate it when she yells. :-\

Yes, they are really something else, aren't they? When they are in a good mood, they'll sit and chat with you like they have just come by for tea. :) So sweet!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MrsVandy on September 28, 2011, 08:11:56 PM
Dear Jericho,

I love you. But Daddy and Mommy do not need you to clean them. Daddy also wants you to stay off his pillow. I know it lets you be closer to Mommy, but Daddy really doesn't like it.

I really miss the water cooler and wish you hadn't learned how to use it and wasted all the water. We won't be getting a new one now.

Just becasue you can open the bathroom door doesn't mean you should.

Please stop getting upset at hollywoodnoir's makeup videos. I know you love her in real life, but I assure you she isn't trapped in the computer and will snuggle you soon.

When playing with the lazer it would be nice if you would focus on it and not decide following my hand is more fun.

Please sotp attempting to bury your food with invisableness. Perl will still find it your not fooling anyone.

Dear Perl,

You never move off my bed except you use the litter or to eat. Please be more active.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Zenith on September 28, 2011, 10:02:49 PM
Try double sided sticky tape on the particularly delectable parts of the sofa - kitties don't like sticky stuff on their paws.  You can also get stuff from the pet store to deter scratching.  And I think you can get stuff from the leather sofa shop to help disguise existing scratches (at least so they don't glow at you).

It's mostly a balance thing. She has no balance and digs her claws in when she frequently looses it and gets stuck on the couch and had to tear herself free. Trust me to get a cat with non retractable front claws. I should have called her velcro.

Mind you it's hilarious to see her claw the carpet and get stuck. Then the dog comes a sniffin' then the cat goes spaz because she can't do anything until I prise her little claws off the carpet.

Luckily for her only one room in my house has loop pile, she always get's stuck on loop pile. Like the time she got stuck to the loop pile rug and tried to make a run for it and got herself and the rug stuck in the doggy door.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on September 30, 2011, 01:40:04 PM
Dear Phoebe,

Don't listen to her! Sleeping with your eyes open is a time-honored cat custom.

Love,
Jack

(http://i822.photobucket.com/albums/zz144/Packie_Rattie/ae000af1.jpg)
Oh my, what a beautiful kitty!  I don't know how you took a picture of my cat, or does she have a double out there?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 30, 2011, 03:15:15 PM
Dear Phoebe,

Don't listen to her! Sleeping with your eyes open is a time-honored cat custom.

Love,
Jack

(http://i822.photobucket.com/albums/zz144/Packie_Rattie/ae000af1.jpg)
Oh my, what a beautiful kitty!  I don't know how you took a picture of my cat, or does she have a double out there?

Jack is most definitely His Own Cat.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mw8242 on September 30, 2011, 06:51:33 PM
Paddy

You have been so sweet since I've been out all week from foot surgery. You sit with me all the time and I know you love having me and the bed to yourself. But when the bf shows up you have to stop acting like he's a horrible enemy. He wants to like you and is willing to share but you are just so spoiled! Stop jumping on him when he's sleeping, he will.not.let.that.go.

~M
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 30, 2011, 07:24:47 PM
Dear Peggy:

Please do your best to lose a little weight so you can clean yourself better.  You stink!  And I'm really not looking forward to trying to bath you.  Off I go tomorrow to get kitty shampoo.  Then I get to wrestle you into a harness and dump you in a rubbermaid in the tub.  Oh joy!

Dear Sassy:

No, I am not trying to kill your sister.  I'm just trying to clean her up.  I wish she'd let you clean her butt for her; then I wouldn't have to give her a bath!

Your staff,
OG
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bansidhe on October 01, 2011, 01:05:49 AM
Dear Orion and Aisling,

You love my computer chair. I realize that. That's why I left the old one in the living room for you to sit on when I bought the new one. So it's really not fair for one of you to claim the old one and the other take over the new one the minute I get up to do something, meaning that I end up dragging over one of the hard, uncomfortable kitchen chairs and sitting in it instead.

Love,

Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on October 01, 2011, 01:30:58 PM
Yes, but in their little kitty minds, they thought "How nice of you to bring us two chairs!"  ;D

Dear Orion and Aisling,

You love my computer chair. I realize that. That's why I left the old one in the living room for you to sit on when I bought the new one. So it's really not fair for one of you to claim the old one and the other take over the new one the minute I get up to do something, meaning that I end up dragging over one of the hard, uncomfortable kitchen chairs and sitting in it instead.

Love,

Mommy

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on October 01, 2011, 02:02:36 PM
Dear Mitten,

I would love to give you the pets and scritches that you are asking for. I cannot, however, do that if you get all excited and bite the hand that pets you. Mrrrrrrewfing in frustration changes nothing. If you want pets stop biting. Silly kitten.

Love,

Your Exasperated Mummy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Celany on October 16, 2011, 08:52:34 PM
Dear Cat,

Why have you developed a taste for IcyHot? It really disturbs mommie when you wake her up by vigorously licking her arm or leg. Also, it is probably bad for you. Please cut it out.

Your confused Mommy,

-Celany
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on October 17, 2011, 01:45:53 PM
Dear Cat,

Why have you developed a taste for IcyHot? It really disturbs mommie when you wake her up by vigorously licking her arm or leg. Also, it is probably bad for you. Please cut it out.

Your confused Mommy,

-Celany
I use Tiger Liniment, which is stronger than Tiger Balm and my husband assures me smells to high heaven.  Midnight loves to hate the smell.  She squints her eyes up and sniffs me with her nose so close the tiny whiskers tickle.  Fortunately she does not lick me - yet.  I tell her, "If you don't like the way it smells, don't sniff it!"

ETA the word "not" which makes the second to last sentence make much more sense. ;)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: That Anime Chick on October 17, 2011, 02:12:32 PM
Dear Cat,

I know that you know you have the run of the house, from the top of the cat tree to the very bottom of the basement. I know that you know that everything is a bed for you, even your daddy.

But I want you to know that my tossing you off my chair this morning as I'm getting ready for work is not a game. Yes, it's a comfy chair. Yes it's a new place. But for the short amount of time I have in the morning, it is not yours. It is mine. Learn it, understand it, deal with it. Going into the bedroom and whining to your daddy isn't going to change that fact.

You have a perfectly nice cat bed. Sleep there.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on October 17, 2011, 10:45:29 PM
Dear Harry,

It is now fall.  And winter is coming on.  We are NOT going to buy a portable heater and follow you around just so you can still enjoy spending time on the screen porch.  You have survived this for two winters now-and you WILL make it through a third.  Lack of quality time glaring at the squirrels and birds DOES not constitute a violation of your constitutional rights and does not justify screaming at daddy at all hours-it is still just as chilly outside as it was last time you checked.

Get a grip, dude. 

Love,
She who loves you despite your near-constant complaints about the door being closed
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on October 18, 2011, 06:07:12 AM
Dear Harry,

It is now fall.  And winter is coming on.  We are NOT going to buy a portable heater and follow you around just so you can still enjoy spending time on the screen porch.  You have survived this for two winters now-and you WILL make it through a third.  Lack of quality time glaring at the squirrels and birds DOES not constitute a violation of your constitutional rights and does not justify screaming at daddy at all hours-it is still just as chilly outside as it was last time you checked.

Get a grip, dude. 

Love,
She who loves you despite your near-constant complaints about the door being closed

Dear Fred:

See the above. You are not the only cat who can't get out on the porch in cold weather. We have lots of windows. Every single room in the house has at least one window with a cat-approved seat right in front of it, specifically for your use during inclement weather.

Deal with it.

Signed,
She who can't hear you anymore, because she is wearing ear plugs.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: iridaceae on October 18, 2011, 06:09:00 AM
Dear Harry,

It is now fall.  And winter is coming on.  We are NOT going to buy a portable heater and follow you around just so you can still enjoy spending time on the screen porch.  You have survived this for two winters now-and you WILL make it through a third.  Lack of quality time glaring at the squirrels and birds DOES not constitute a violation of your constitutional rights and does not justify screaming at daddy at all hours-it is still just as chilly outside as it was last time you checked.

Get a grip, dude. 

Love,
She who loves you despite your near-constant complaints about the door being closed

Dear Mom,

Expect the ASPCA and the Humane Society in the next day or two.

Harry
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on October 18, 2011, 09:13:12 AM
Dear Mouse,

Meowing at the kitchen cabinets is still not the appropriate way to get to go outside.  You may come and ask me or your dad politely.   Batting at the blinds is also not acceptable.

Also, we need to talk about mornings.  If I don't get up when you want me to, the correct response is NOT to wander into the master bathroom shower and cry at the top of your lungs. 

Love,
Your tired mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on October 18, 2011, 09:34:14 AM
Dear Harry,

It is now fall.  And winter is coming on.  We are NOT going to buy a portable heater and follow you around just so you can still enjoy spending time on the screen porch.  You have survived this for two winters now-and you WILL make it through a third.  Lack of quality time glaring at the squirrels and birds DOES not constitute a violation of your constitutional rights and does not justify screaming at daddy at all hours-it is still just as chilly outside as it was last time you checked.

Get a grip, dude. 

Love,
She who loves you despite your near-constant complaints about the door being closed

Dear Mom,

Expect the ASPCA and the Humane Society in the next day or two.

Harry

Dear Harry,

We have been expecting their visit ever since we took you to the Blessing of the Animals and failed to allow you to beat up the poor German Shepard (who did nothing at all to provoke your wrath).  We will be sure to leave cookies and milk for the investigators (or maybe that was supposed to be for Santa).

Love,
She who is working out of state right now and really misses you-even if you are constantly complaining about something
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on October 18, 2011, 10:02:23 AM
Dear Stephen,

I know I have no proof but:
1) The bath tap was turned off.
2) Your sister came shooting out of the bathroom sopping wet.
3) You sauntered out after her quite innocently.
4) When I checked the tap was turned on.

This has now happened twice. Believe it or not your owners are not entirely daft. Please stop - or at least learn to turn the tap off when you are done.

Regards,
the staff
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MonteCristo on October 18, 2011, 12:20:07 PM
Dear Alexei,

Don't jump out the window if you don't want to be outside, and especially if you can't figure out how to get back in.  Mommy got a little scared when you didn't come when she called you, and it took a while to figure out where the tiny meows were coming from...next time walk over to the door and kick up a rumpus, like you do outside the bedroom door on Saturday mornings. 

Lyla,

I know you were the only girl of the litter, but did you have to take all the brains???

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: readingchick on October 18, 2011, 12:49:52 PM
Dear Stephen,

I know I have no proof but:
1) The bath tap was turned off.
2) Your sister came shooting out of the bathroom sopping wet.
3) You sauntered out after her quite innocently.
4) When I checked the tap was turned on.

This has now happened twice. Believe it or not your owners are not entirely daft. Please stop - or at least learn to turn the tap off when you are done.

Regards,
the staff

Dear staff,

It was my evil twin!

Warm regards,

Stephen
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bansidhe on October 18, 2011, 03:52:51 PM
Dear Mouse,

Meowing at the kitchen cabinets is still not the appropriate way to get to go outside.  You may come and ask me or your dad politely.   Batting at the blinds is also not acceptable.

Also, we need to talk about mornings.  If I don't get up when you want me to, the correct response is NOT to wander into the master bathroom shower and cry at the top of your lungs. 

Love,
Your tired mommy

But that's where the acoustics are the best. The echoes are awesome!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bansidhe on October 18, 2011, 03:57:13 PM
Dear Mold,

First off, I'm sorry you got stuck with such an absurd nickname and are never called by your real name, Molly Maguire.

Second, I'm sorry you have hyperthyroidism. It's the pits. But it's treatable. After a week on medication, you feel so much better that you're running around like a kitten. The pills make you feel great! In view of that, could you perhaps consider not drawing blood every time mommy and daddy give you one?

I promise we'll do radioactive iodine treatment and you won't have to take the pills anymore, but you're going to have to wait for the tax return money before we can do that.

Love,

Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on October 18, 2011, 06:40:22 PM
Dear Mouse,

Meowing at the kitchen cabinets is still not the appropriate way to get to go outside.  You may come and ask me or your dad politely.   Batting at the blinds is also not acceptable.

Also, we need to talk about mornings.  If I don't get up when you want me to, the correct response is NOT to wander into the master bathroom shower and cry at the top of your lungs. 

Love,
Your tired mommy

But that's where the acoustics are the best. The echoes are awesome!
Midnight Kitty also likes to do her vocal exercises in the bathroom shower where the acoustics are truly awesome. >:D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on October 18, 2011, 06:44:23 PM
My last (late) cat Mischa, when locked out of a room, always got his face right down next to the gap under the door so that his yowls got the most penetration.  When you're talking wooden floors and a smallish room - the echoes could be quite bloodthirsty!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on October 19, 2011, 10:07:53 AM
My last (late) cat Mischa, when locked out of a room, always got his face right down next to the gap under the door so that his yowls got the most penetration.  When you're talking wooden floors and a smallish room - the echoes could be quite bloodthirsty!
Matilda uses the bath for extra volume - yowl hard at the end by the taps, and she can be heard through the house. It might be why Stephen started dousing her.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: StaciNadia on October 19, 2011, 10:27:26 AM
Dear Muchi,

I know it's you who's been opening the front door when I'm out visiting with the strays outside, because I see your little orange head poking around the door.  You are such a smart boy, and I am so proud of you!  But Grandma said she saw Schmoopie opening the door once, too.  I know Schmoopie's always trying to mimic you, but please, don't teach him how to open the door.  You would never step outside because you only remember our house, but Schmoopie remembers the outdoors well, and is always trying to get out.  And we don't want to lose him.  Just be careful, Muchi.

Love, Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on November 02, 2011, 08:43:43 AM
Dear Fred,

I know it is difficult to accept, but the world we live in has seasons. And right now, it's cold out. Cold and wet and as of last weekend, snowy. All of which means that you find it too cold to hang out on the porch.

Please note that no matter how much you meow or howl or scratch at the door, the temperature will not rise enough to meet your standards. No matter how many times I let you out there, the temperature will not change and you will demand to be let back in within seconds.

And refusing to sit on my lap and sulking off to sit on the leather chair, which I know you do not like because you have sat in it twice in the 14 years you have been in this family, won't enable me to change the temperature either.

Fred, I love you, but you are one of the dumbest cats I've ever met. It's cold out. It's going to stay cold out. Please come away from the door and use one of the 3 cat beds that are here for you, or hop up in front of one of the windows where we've carefully placed a bench or table just for you to sit on. Trust me, you won't miss the porch.

Your tired, cranky and chilly human.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blueyzca01 on November 02, 2011, 02:06:05 PM
Dearest Ridley,
I have been using the toilet successfully, on my own, for a good forty or so years now.  I will admit that I have fallen in a couple of times in the middle of the night, but that was in the dark and your fatherís fault and heís been dealt with.  BUT, in the morning, with the lights on, Iím a Professional.  Trust Me.  You do not need to supervise EVERY DAY.

Other than that, youíre turning out to be an incredible boss. 

Love, Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on November 02, 2011, 02:15:44 PM
Dear Wicked,

We're so glad you're feeling better. But you still have a respiratory infection and must stay quarantined in the bathroom for the duration.

Sticking your front leg all the way under the door and waving it around is going to get you attention, but no action.

Love,
The One you are learning to tolerate despite all the medicines
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on November 02, 2011, 04:58:38 PM
Dear Carmen,

What is it about the smell of apples that does it for you?  I can't leave the bag near the open window without you putting your nose in it and little fang marks on the apples themselves.  They are not for kitties!

And while we're at it, that little bit of taramosalata that you licked off my snack plate this afternoon?  That is not going to become any part of your regular diet.

However, I still love you.

MomCat
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on November 02, 2011, 07:12:42 PM
Dear Mambo,

Look.  I realise you came from a house with no rules.  However, let me talk to you about a few things.  First of all, kitties do not walk on the counter at Bedside Manor.  No, I do not care if your previous owner/slave used to think it was the cutest thing EVER that you stood or sat on the counter and watched her cook.  I do not ant cat butt or dirty little litterbox feet where I prepare my food.  Which brings me to my second point.

MY food. Not yours.  If I catch you stealing my bacon again, I will turn you into slippers.

Next.  Samba is a nice, friendly cat.  He just wants to be your friend.  I was holding you and he was licking your head and sniffing your ears, not shredding you to pieces, as your yowling would otherwise indicate.  Stop screaming like it's Armageddon every time one of the other animals so much as looks in your direction.  I am sorry because you are a nice kitty but if you cannot learn to play well with others, you cannot stay here.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: valkyrie on November 02, 2011, 07:22:16 PM
Dear Grey Furball,

I know that you think that it is your job to eat your mom's hummus.  I can assure you that it is tasty.  I can also tell you it isn't edible for kitties.  And you have food allergies.  Please be content with your bacon and egg treats.

Love,

Your slave with the thumbs.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Black Delphinium on November 02, 2011, 07:28:31 PM
Dear Miss MayaMano the Kitty,
  Yes, I love you, and I love that you are a cuddle bug, but I do not need you on my lap for the entire day. I'd like to be able to move around and get comfortable too.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on November 02, 2011, 09:48:31 PM
Dear Grey Furball,

I know that you think that it is your job to eat your mom's hummus.  I can assure you that it is tasty.  I can also tell you it isn't edible for kitties.  And you have food allergies.  Please be content with your bacon and egg treats.

Love,

Your slave with the thumbs.

But it is HUMMUS!  Grey Furballs who are in charge of the universe like HUMMUS.

Serve it up daily, or suffer the dire and lasting consequences.

Love,

The Ruler of the Known Universe
aka The Grey Furball
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on November 02, 2011, 10:03:04 PM
Dear Wicked,

We're so glad you're feeling better. But you still have a respiratory infection and must stay quarantined in the bathroom for the duration.

Sticking your front leg all the way under the door and waving it around is going to get you attention, but no action.

Love,
The One you are learning to tolerate despite all the medicines
I can so totally visualise that!  lol!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: esteban on November 07, 2011, 09:17:16 AM
Dear Stormy,

Thank you for the laugh last night, when your cat siblings Darth and Lily were fighting you sat there like a lump.  When Mommy told you to go get them, the look of abject terror on your face perfectly conveyed you feelings of "Why would I want to go there, they are moving and fighting.  I am perfectly happy on this spot of floor."  The fact that with some coaxing from mommy You did move a solid 10 feet to the other side of the chair where you could lay outside of mommy's view (but not mine) was enough to have me laughing so hard I started coughing.  You utter lack of concern for me coughing up a lung was even more amusing.

Thank you for so perfectly encapsulating cat behavior for me.

The one who feeds all 3 of you.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MissKoreanna on November 07, 2011, 02:33:45 PM
Dear Parmie-

Yes, I got you a kitten freund.  Brie is very cute and playful, and she'd like nothing more to be friends with you.  Please stop hissing at her and scaring her.  I know you are Queen.  She knows you are Queen.  Stop being a diva and play with her already!

Thanks,
Your loving mommy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MrsVandy on November 08, 2011, 08:21:20 AM
Dear Perl,

I know just a few months ago I was begging for you to be more active. You have been getting up more and seeking some love (from Daddy only, not that I'm bitter).
 
However I would really like it if you stopped jumping up on the bathroom sink to demand a drink any time we are in there. You almost jumped on to  my very hot straighting iron. I'm sorry I yelled but that thing is 400 degrees and you're just a kitty, who do you think would have won that battle? You haven't jumped on to the sink since we moved from the old house nearly 2 years ago. I just don't understand why you started again now, but I really wish you would stop.

Love mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Irishkitty on November 08, 2011, 11:22:20 AM
Dear Witten,

Yes, I know you're a strange one who adores company. But really, there are some things mommies (in fact all slaves) prefer to do in private. Using the bathroom is one of them. It only takes a couple of moments, there's no need to howl the house down to inform everyone in a mile radius that you have been left alone for more than a minute. There's really no need to race up the stairs and throw yourself at the bathroom door to check if I'm in there.

Daddy has made plenty of private flower beds toilets for you, and we don't hurry over and glare at you when you go now do we?

Love
Mommy (one of your faithful slaves)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: General Jinjur on November 08, 2011, 11:28:18 AM
I feel like I've posted this before, but....

Cat. You know the Nom is going to try everything he can to get to you and pull your fur. You also know that he is fast, and wily. So why do you insist on sitting in the one spot he can get to you most easily? I try to pick you up and re-deposit you in the middle of the couch back, but no. Only the end will do.

Maybe you actually secretly kind of like it?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Irishkitty on November 08, 2011, 11:30:29 AM
GJ, I feel like you're following me today  :P

But you know that that's the ONLY place that Cat is happy sitting in. Control the small human slave! Why are you not controlling him slave?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: General Jinjur on November 08, 2011, 11:56:52 AM
I am following you  >:D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Giggity on November 08, 2011, 04:57:30 PM
Dear Luke,

It has come to our attention that you have suddenly developed an affinity for wet food that can only be characterized as "violent." You are still a growing boy, so it's totally reasonable for you to get a little bit of the smelly stuff. However, it is completely unacceptable to tip over Spot's feeding pen and step on her to get her wet food. If you are good, you will be given some. So please to stop with the marauding kthxbai!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on November 08, 2011, 07:40:26 PM
Dear Tango and Mambo,

Stop being such ridiculous little drama queens.  There is plenty of food, and four litterboxes to choose from.  There is lots of couch space, three large cat trees, and lots of room and hidey places in the house, both upstairs and down.  There is NO REASON FOR FIGHTING.  KNOCK THAT **** OFF! 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Esther_bunny on November 08, 2011, 09:46:52 PM
Dear Esther,
 Just because we got a 3rd dog it doesn't mean you are forgotten. You get plenty of attention, as do all our animals. Please stop looking at me "that way" when I give attention to the puppy. You still get to sleep right next to me every night and always get your treat first. I'm on to you and those pitiful eyes.

Dear Hannah,
 Please stop clawing the walls. DH has painted and puttied the wall 5 times in the past 2 weeks because you scratch them with your claws. Yes we know it's you because we catch you doing it. And why did you decide to this after, and only after, we painted the entire house?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bansidhe on November 08, 2011, 11:29:07 PM
Dear Mosaic,

It's such a common scenario in our household that it's almost a clichť: the sound of something falling and/or breaking followed by you running in the opposite direction. I've got a few questions about this evening's incident, however.

How did you even make it to the third shelf of the floor-to-ceiling kitchen cabinet? It's well over six feet off the ground straight up.
How did you get the light bulb out of its box?
Why did you push the bulb off the shelf and onto the tile floor below?
Why did you pick one of the expensive, 150-watt, full-spectrum reptile bulbs?

Love,

Your Ever-curious Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on November 16, 2011, 11:57:03 AM
Dear Fuzzy,
The $50 bag of prescription cat food is for Magic because she is hyperthyroid. I know it smells nice and fresh and good, but it is not for you which is why I put it in the pantry where you could not get to it. It is not good for you! I was really not happy to wake up this morning to find the bag of food splayed out all over the kitchen floor.  I should have known you were up to no good when you never came in to snuggle and sleep with me last night.

Dear Wiley,
Yes it is very clever of you to have figured out to open every drawer, cupboard, and door in my house, however, I am not very happy that you allowed yourself to be conned by Fuzzy into opening every cabinet and the pantry door in the kitchen last night so that he could get to that marvelous $50 bag of prescription cat food that I bought yesterday. I am doubly not happy that after Fuzzy upended the bag all over the kitchen floor you proceeded to scarf the food until you were so full it came up, on my living room rug, various places in the hallways, on your cat tower, AND in the bath tub. Oy.  You are not a hyperthryoid cat so there is no need for you to eat so much. Eat the nummy normal cat food so you tummy does not get upset!

-Devoted but broke kitty mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on November 16, 2011, 12:00:48 PM
Dear Jack,

I know I'm warm and soft and cozy, but I need to breathe at night. Please get off my chest.

Love,
The Exotherm
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on November 19, 2011, 12:19:04 PM
Dear Stephen,

Sleeping on my shoes is cute, I will admit. Drooling in them, chewing them and leaving them furry is less so.

Kindly leave it out. Not just because I feel so guilty moving you when I need to put the shoes on...

Regards,

Your far-too-soppy owner.

(To avoid dropping large pics in a thread, the cat and my poor shoes are here (http://stephen-and-matilda.blogspot.com/2011/11/stephen-and-shoes.html))
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on November 19, 2011, 02:24:02 PM
Dear Scooter,

I'm sorry that I had to take you to the vet to get your teeth cleaned. I know you didn't like where they stuck the various tubes and that they had to shave your paw for the IV.  If you would let me brush your teeth we wouldn't have to do this.

You don't have to sulk and show your ultimate feline displeasure by hopping up on my chest in bed, turning around to give me a good look at ol' one eye, then plopping down and thwapping me in the face with your tail for over half an hour.  I KNOW that it was deliberate.  You usually sit on my chest facing me so that I can rub your cheeks.  This was a snub, no question. 

I love you and I want you to be healthy.  I'm not trying to torture you. 

Love,

Your human.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on November 19, 2011, 02:32:50 PM
Dear Ravenous Bugblatter Beasts of Traal,

We are happy to be fostering you, and pleasantly surprised that Jack has turned out to be an excellent uncle who cuddles, grooms and plays with orphan kittens. However, Unca Jack has limited patience. If you walk Right With Him at every moment, rubbing against his face and winding around his legs, he runs away. He does.

Please give Unca Jack a little space sometimes.

Best,
The Givers of Gooshifud
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on November 24, 2011, 01:44:16 AM
Dear cats,

Your owners are preparing to attend a public event. We know this is interesting, with all the boxes and sheets and luggage that is being moved around in your house. That said, you need to understand there are certain places you do not belong at the moment:

a) in the boxes
b) in the luggage. No matter how much we love you we are not taking you with us.
c) directly under wherever we are putting our feet down at that precise moment.
d) Climbing the curtains is never acceptable even if you do just want a better look.

And I repeat, please stay away from the boxes. We do not want a repeat of last time when one friend picked up a too-heavy box, only to nearly drop it as the sudden weight moved. Stephen, you nearly gave him a heart attack when your inquisitive head lifted the flaps and looked round before you jumped out and sauntered off.

In general, please behave. Just this once?

Regards,
A stressed staff member
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 24, 2011, 08:07:38 AM
Dear Sassy:

Although you have a lovely singing voice, I'm not interested in being serenaded at 3:00 am.  Please limit your concerts to the hours of 9 am to 9 pm.

The sleep deprived one
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 24, 2011, 08:09:57 AM
Dear Peggy:

Have you looked in the mirror?  You are rotund.  You will not starve to death, waiting two hours until normal feeding time.  Winding around my legs while I'm walking is not necessary.  Neither is looking up at me longingly every time I get up but don't head downstairs to feed you.  You will be fed, I promise.

Your servent, who could also stand to loose a few pounds.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Mal on November 24, 2011, 08:12:08 AM
Dear Cat,

the cardboard boxes I'm unfolding and putting stuff in are for moving. Stop looking so cute playing with them that I can't keep up my packing schedule!

Her-who-wears-the-boots-that-your-tail-twitched-under-once
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on November 24, 2011, 11:45:01 AM
Dear Cat,

the cardboard boxes I'm unfolding and putting stuff in are for moving. Stop looking so cute playing with them that I can't keep up my packing schedule!

Her-who-wears-the-boots-that-your-tail-twitched-under-once
Oh I know that feeling. What is it about cats and boxes?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on November 24, 2011, 03:19:55 PM
Dear Tyra,

I was just tuning my harp. The strings are made of nylon, not catgut, I PROMISE!  Meowing at me and putting your paws on my leg every time I plucked a string was cute.  Trying to nip my arm was not.  If the sound bugged you, you have four little paws to leave the room on.

Love,

Catmom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on November 24, 2011, 03:38:21 PM
Dear Marble,

Unca Jack does not give milk.

Love,
The Giver of Gooshifud

(http://i822.photobucket.com/albums/zz144/Packie_Rattie/1757a962.jpg)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: furrcats on November 24, 2011, 04:01:18 PM
That is adorable  ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MrsVandy on November 24, 2011, 04:59:15 PM
That is cute! Jack looks just like my Jericho.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on November 24, 2011, 05:46:40 PM
Not so dear cat

2:00am is not time for breakfast.  Any more wake up calls may result in a new fur rug for the floor!

Grumph
She who nearly kills herself walking to the loo (while you're trying to steer me to the kitchen)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Editeer on November 24, 2011, 07:07:04 PM
Dear Cyl,

If you wrap yourself around people's feet, you will get stepped on.

When I put food in the dish, if you eat it all, the dish will be empty. Don't look piteously at me and pretend that you are starving and have no food. I saw you eat it.


Dear Kitty,
If you don't eat the tasty nutri-goop with the medicine in it, you will have to visit the vet again.  :(
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on November 24, 2011, 07:31:23 PM
Dear Gizmo,

I don't know how it happened but when I went to pick you up this morning, well you seem to have doubled in size overnight. Now don't get me wrong, this is better than the weight loss after moving house that both the 'bad V.E.T man with the sharp things' and I were concerned about, but if this keeps up we're going to have to look at getting you a tiny treadmill.

Edit - Also yes the silly human was playing the doona game in bed thing morning where she darts her fingers out from under the doona and you try to catch them but I had actually called a halt to the game when I reached out from under my doona to grab the mobile phone. So thanks for the two perfect puncture marks from your needle sharp teeth in the back of my hand, they'll serve as a helpful reminder of why it's not a good idea to start that game in the first place...

You win

The big screeching thing with the bandaids on.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on November 24, 2011, 07:35:48 PM
Dear Samba,

I don't buy it.  You are not starving and dying and wasting away to nothing.  In fact, when you started yowling to announce that the food dishes were empty, the last remaining kibbles fell out of your mouth.  So, like I said.  I don't buy it.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 24, 2011, 07:59:30 PM
In fact, when you started yowling to announce that the food dishes were empty, the last remaining kibbles fell out of your mouth.

OK, that's funny!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Kimblee on November 24, 2011, 10:25:27 PM
(http://i822.photobucket.com/albums/zz144/Packie_Rattie/1757a962.jpg)

Aww... what a good Jack.

He looks so pittiful and accepting.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on November 30, 2011, 09:42:04 AM
Dear Mouse,

1.  The fence (and neighborhood) do not belong to you.

2.  There are other cats in the world.

3.  Rushing up the fence because there is a cat there for the first time in ages and staring it down is not the appropriate way to make friends.     

Why don't you just lie on your back and roll around like when you flirted with the Siamese a few summers ago?  (Which was going to do neither of you any good since you are fixed- I think she dumped you when she finally realized that.)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 30, 2011, 09:45:00 AM
Dear Sassy:

Although you have a lovely singing voice, I'm not interested in being serenaded at 3:00 am.  Please limit your concerts to the hours of 9 am to 9 pm.

The sleep deprived one

Ah, yes.  Concert again last night.  Anyone have a good recipe for cat soup?   :P
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 30, 2011, 09:49:44 AM
My darling Wendy,

I love when you want to be close. I love when you put your little kitty face right up to mine. I do NOT love when you put your little kitty face up to mine and start coughing up a hairball.

Love,
Mom

P.S. Please don't try to convince me that you are starving to death when there is still food in the dish. Eat that first, THEN ask for a refill. Tell your sister.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: still in va on November 30, 2011, 09:51:50 AM
dear Gizmo the Wonder Kitty,

yes, you have beautiful long silky fur.  yes, the beautiful long silky fur leads to hairballs.  yes, hairballs must come up.  but why, WHY, do the hairballs have to come up on my carpet?  80% of this house has hard surface flooring.  you actually have to travel to puke on my carpets.  do you enjoy watching Mama gathering the equipment and scrubbing the carpet? 

let's review here.  hard surface floor: two wads of paper toweling and a little water, time elapsed about 30 seconds.  carpet: paper towels, carpet cleaner, damp sponge, towel, and Febreeze, time elapsed about 20 minutes.

do the math and KNOCK IT OFF!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: That Anime Chick on November 30, 2011, 09:52:19 AM
Dear fuzzy cat,

While we know you like your toys and even the new ones we've gotten you, walking all over us at 2 in the morning to get to your toys in the dresser is not acceptable cat-child behavior. You were booted from the bedroom for that reason. Sitting outside our door and howling is not acceptable either. Behave or Santa will be taking back the new cat tree for you, and that wouldn't be fair to your sister, would it?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Reader on November 30, 2011, 02:22:39 PM
Dear dog:

Please stop relieiving yourself in the basement.  You get plenty of potty breaks during the day, in fact I let you outside 6 times last night between 5:30 and 1am and still you did it.  Your mom is tired of pouring vinegar all over your messes (after trying bleach with no effect) then hauling the mop bucket up and down a full flight of stairs each weekend to mop the floor after the vinegar has dried.  Especially since it's been 2 weeks since your last mess.

Dear cats:

Do not howl at me for more food as you are starving when I get off my second job.  Your bowls aren't even close to empty.  For Deliah, please stop opening the cupboard under the sink (where the trash is kept) when your yowling at me does not work.  I really don't want to have to baby proof that cupboard since all I have is furbabies.

Love, mom.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: finecabernet on December 03, 2011, 07:33:54 PM
Dear Lucinda,

I adore you, you former feral cat you! However, please stop sneezing on me, and objecting when I try to wipe your nose. I can't keep the bed linens clean unless you cooperate. Also, I'm sorry that I picked you up and it freaked you out. The cold shoulder is not necessary. Plus we both know you'll come around again eventually.

Love, your ignored human
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MonteCristo on December 12, 2011, 08:50:14 AM
Dear Lyla,

Mommy is so sorry she accidently locked you in the bedroom when she went to work.  But she is very very grateful that you didn't go to the bathroom on anything, even though you couldn't get to the litterbox for almost 10 hours.  I see a new catnip mouse in your future!

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on December 12, 2011, 09:20:30 AM
Dear Harry,
I know that going to the pet store to get your photo taken with Santa was fun.  But randomly meowing at everyone who walked by without petting you is rather petulant and rude.  And trying to jump out of mobile kitty jail (aka the cart) onto the kitty tower display was just way, way out of line.  Also, meowing at the dog obedience class when we walked by just to get all those dogs in trouble wasn't very nice. 

But good job in not letting the little brat pet you-and then jumping in the lap of the kid who was getting teased!  You do show good sense sometimes.  :>


Dear Bob,
I know you didn't enjoy the trip as much as Harry.  But escaping into the kitty tower display so that we had to dig you out of the back of it, and nearly causing us to lose Harry while we tried to rescue you, was a bit of an overreaction.  Thank you for letting Santa pet you.  And for coming out to talk to the little kid who was so upset-who thought you and Harry were the coolest things ever (especially when you wouldn't come out for the brat who had been teasing him).  Good job!

Love,
She who buys the kitty towers
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: valkyrie on December 12, 2011, 12:23:09 PM
Dear Grey Fuzzy Overlord,

My boyfriend is friendly.  Really.  He thinks you are a gorgeous cat.  I know he ignored you a little when he first met you -- he was trying to be polite.  Please start giving him kisses and hugs.  He misses his old cats.

The foodgiver.

P.S.  You hardly ever see my landlord, and you give him hugs!  You fuzzy little weirdo you.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Nikko-chan on December 12, 2011, 07:12:02 PM
Dear Mika,

I know you can't help it so I don't even know why I am writing this, but can you please please keep it down tonight, and tomorrow? Grandma needs her rest and so do I.

Sincerely,

Your Slave
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on December 12, 2011, 08:45:24 PM
Dear Gizmo,

Thank you, really. Because I SO wanted to be woken this morning by a cold wet nose pressed into my armpit.

Couldn't you just miaow in my ear like a normal cat?

Love,

Me.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on December 13, 2011, 10:07:14 AM
Dear Fuzzy

I know the evil towel monsters must be defeated from taking over the world, however, that towel you brought me last night was meant to sop up the water dripping from under the kitchen sink that mommy has not been able to get fixed yet. Bringing the COLD evil towel monster into bed at 3AM this morning was not appreciated. It was quite a shock to think I was curling up to you, only to find a wet stinky towel had gotten my side of the bed soaking wet! Additionally mommy was not happy to stumble into the kitchen this morning for coffee and have her socked feet step directly into a big wet puddle by the sink. Next time, could you please do us both a favor and just kill the evil towel monster I leave hanging on the oven door. It's smaller and lighter because it's not wet and that is why mommy leaves it there for you every night because the sound you make when you bring it to her warms her heart.

Sleepy grumpy and cold mommy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on December 16, 2011, 06:17:32 PM
Midnight was trying to tell us something: That she did not have much time left and why were we wasting it sleeping?  I started my new job on Dec. 1st and came home to a dying kitty.  She was running around like normal the day before.  We put her down December 2nd.  I think it was the hardest thing DH ever did. He had never put a pet down before and she was his baby for over 17 years.  He held her when the vet gave her the first shot, but he couldn't handle the possibility of convulsions or losing control of her bladder so he waited in the car.  I stayed with Midnight until she gave her last sigh.  Bootsie (her sister) was there on the table in her carrier with the door open so she could see Midnight.

We still have Bootsie, Midnight's sister.  She's doing well and trying to fill in for her sister.  She doesn't walk around looking for Midnight because Bootsie knows Midnight is gone.  Bootsie has lived in Midnight's shadow her whole life; Now she's coming into her own and becoming more verbal and interactive.

Our vet and her entire staff were so compassionate.  They let us use an exam room for the entire afternoon.  They didn't rush DH when he needed to make a decision.  Our vet stayed with me for 10-15 minutes after Midnight passed on.  The office sent us a condolence card signed by everyone who had touched or been touched by Midnight.

Some day I will be able to think about Midnight without tears.  In the meanwhile, we have given ourselves permission to mourn our baby.  We had her cremated.  Her ashes are on the shelf she wasn't allowed on during her life, so she always wanted to be there.  Here are some pictures of Midnight and her sister, Bootsie.
(http://inlinethumb41.webshots.com/47784/2686240070039000897S200x200Q85.jpg) (http://pets.webshots.com/photo/2686240070039000897vtTMNR)(http://inlinethumb64.webshots.com/46591/2817110470039000897S200x200Q85.jpg) (http://pets.webshots.com/photo/2817110470039000897YKeqiY)(http://inlinethumb37.webshots.com/48804/2446896030039000897S200x200Q85.jpg) (http://pets.webshots.com/photo/2446896030039000897PNHYnJ)(http://inlinethumb52.webshots.com/40371/2858970230039000897S200x200Q85.jpg) (http://pets.webshots.com/photo/2858970230039000897WCbvfk)(http://inlinethumb33.webshots.com/49696/2827838400039000897S200x200Q85.jpg) (http://pets.webshots.com/photo/2827838400039000897qgNmPL)
Can you see Bootsie's "heart"?

We will miss Midnight for the rest of our lives.(http://bestsmileys.com/love1/24.gif)

Dear Midnight;

What is your problem?  For over 17 years you have been our "stealth Siamese," a black feral cat who vocalizes like a Siamese.  You never kept us up all night until the last couple months.  Now you yeowl all.night.long.  I need to sleep at night.  I have to work during the daytime, when you apparently get all your shut eye time.  Since you haven't let me get more than half an hour of sleep at a time for 2 nights now, I am becoming demented.  My reasoning is faulty.  Quit it or Ima gonna wring your scrawny neck and you will become a culinary treat; Maybe Kitty Manapua or Pussy Cat Adobo. (j/k)

I procured weapons (squirt guns).  I tried shooting Midnight in the face when she yells at me at O'dawn thirty.  Not much of a deterrent.  So I pull out all stops and shoot her continuously until she runs from the room.  She is now taking the squirt gun more seriously.  Either that or it takes her 10-15 minutes to lick all the water off before she can yell at me again.

Honestly, I'm on the brink.  Sleep deprivation is insidious.  I have much more sympathy for parents of newborns.  DH said we need to take Midnight & Bootsie to the vet to see if there is something wrong.  I don't know what she's yelling about, but it needs to stop.

Sincerely,
The Staff
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on December 16, 2011, 07:45:56 PM
Oh, that's terrible, I'm so sorry to hear!  It's never easy to lose a family member.  Do try to take comfort in the fact that Midnight was a well-loved member of your family for 17 years.  And certainly give yourself permission to mourn.  Sympathy from me and kitty headbutts from Samba, Tango and Mambo.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amara on December 16, 2011, 08:43:43 PM
Midnight, baby, tell your daddy and mommy how much you miss them. Reach out and touch them so they knew you are with them now and forever.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on December 16, 2011, 08:51:52 PM
Aww! So sorry to hear that! {{{Hugs}}} and much condolence yowling from my two babies.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on December 16, 2011, 09:36:51 PM
I'm sorry to hear that, Midnight Kitty.  My three send their purrs and headbutts.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on December 16, 2011, 10:09:17 PM
Midnight Kitty, I'm so sorry about your beautiful girl.  My furballs send you headbutts and purrs.  I'll light a candle for Midnight.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on December 17, 2011, 06:05:50 AM
Thank you all for your kind thoughts.  We feel lucky to have been able to share our home with Midnight for as long as we did.  She ruled the roost with a velvet paw.

I haven't been able to post since we lost her.  I didn't want to start a thread in the "I need a hug," because I don't "need" more hugs; I've been getting lots of hugs, both from my DH and from our support network.  I know we made the right decision.  I'm glad she didn't linger or suffer.  The vet said she wasn't in pain (her kidneys were failing) but she was extremely weak and she was ready to go.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on December 17, 2011, 07:51:26 AM
I'm so sorry. I'm lying in bed with tears. It's so hard to lose them.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Layla Miller on December 17, 2011, 11:10:04 AM
Midnight Kitty, I'm so sorry for your loss.

(((Hugs)))
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: valkyrie on December 17, 2011, 12:49:23 PM
It's clear from the way you talk about her and the photos you posted, she was loved and she knew it!  I'm sorry for your loss...
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Seraphia on December 19, 2011, 02:23:48 PM
I'm so sorry MK. Henners and Chloe-butt send their love.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: missanpan on December 19, 2011, 07:12:22 PM
I am sorry for your loss, Midnight Kitty.  Love, support and purrs from Momo and Kiri.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Silversurfer on December 19, 2011, 07:57:04 PM
Dear Yoshi

I love you.

Silversurfer
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: finecabernet on December 19, 2011, 09:39:00 PM
So sad to hear about Midnight Kitty. Sometimes I wish we could have a Brigadoon of sorts with our pets where they can speak to us one day out of the year and tell us what is on their minds. Unfortunately they are expert hiders of illness.

So instead of the post I was going to make, which is "Dear Lucinda, please stop waking me up at 7AM on weekend days with an uncomfortable `head massage' with the claws you won't let me clip," I'll just kiss her instead and be glad I have her (scratchy "head massages" and all).
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MizB on December 20, 2011, 01:35:22 AM
I am so sorry for your loss.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: furrcats on December 20, 2011, 02:46:37 AM
I'm sorry  :-[
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on December 20, 2011, 06:40:45 AM
My condolences on your loss.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on December 20, 2011, 06:52:06 AM
Dear Guinevere,

I don't like that you defecate on my bed, but since you are almost 20 years old I realize this is at least partly about arthritis.  I'll just get a couple more old sheets to put on the top of the bed and try to get Carmen to stop bothering you.

Love, Momcat


Dear Carmen,

You are adorable and I love you.  However, you need to stop bothering Guinevere.  She is old enough to be your mother 30x over and deserves her sleep and peace of mind.  So just play with your toys, please.

Love, Momcat
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Reader on December 20, 2011, 11:41:33 AM
Dear Sam,

Yes I know you feel better after having the 2 teeth that were infected removed and I am glad to see that.  But for the love that is all holy please refrain from running around the house like you are a kitten again especially when mom is is watching tv in the dark because you gave me quite a scare last night because I wasn't expecting it.

Love mom.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Editeer on December 20, 2011, 12:59:12 PM
I'm sorry for your loss, Midnight Kitty. I'm facing the same decision today or tomorrow for my elderly kitty--whose name, as a matter of fact, is Kitty.
 :'(
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on December 20, 2011, 01:12:49 PM
Dear Guinevere,

I don't like that you defecate on my bed, but since you are almost 20 years old I realize this is at least partly about arthritis.  I'll just get a couple more old sheets to put on the top of the bed and try to get Carmen to stop bothering you.

Love, Momcat

Bootsie has arthritis, too.  She can get in the litter box, but sometimes (often) she doesn't squat down, so she pees/poops outside the box.  The litter box is on a tile floor.  Cat urine and grout make a smelly combination.  We put puppy pads around the litter box so when Bootsie misses the box, the pads catch it before it can be absorbed by the grout.

Of course it had to be Midnight, who peed exactly in the geometric center of the litter box, who passed away and Bootsie, who misses the box more than she makes it inside, who lives on. :-\

Midnight almost died 2 years ago when the previous vet failed to notice her abcessed tooth.  The infection damaged her kidneys and left her with a heart murmur and weighing 30% less.  Our current, wonderful, vet removed the infected tooth and Midnight bounced back like Reader's cat, Sam (above).

(((Hugs))) to Editeer.  Be strong and let your love for Kitty be your guide.  We said we would know when it was "time" and we did.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on December 20, 2011, 01:36:22 PM
I'm so sorry about Midnight. I loved her picture in your avatar, those bright eyes always made me smile. I know you didn't ask for any, but here are some (((HUGS))) if you could use them.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on December 20, 2011, 03:53:40 PM
Dear Marble and Wicked,

Whenever we sit or lie down, you get on us and cuddle and purr and love being petted.

Trust me - when we're standing up, we're the same people. You don't have to run away and peek, crouching, from behind something. We are reaching out to pet you, not to make gloves out of you. You LIKE being petted, remember?

Get a grip.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: missanpan on December 21, 2011, 10:05:33 PM
Dear Kiri,

So you were confronted with rain when you ran outside. But you can't blame the rain on me! Stop making that racket and stop your sulking!

the loving large, unfurry cat,
me


Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MrsVandy on December 21, 2011, 11:16:29 PM
Dear Perl,

I remember lamanting on here how you never do anything. Well you sure proved me wrong! Please stay away form the Christmas tree. Its not a good place for kitties to hide and your rustling about under it is keeping me awake at night. I'm not sure how you learned how to take the ornaments off, but you did. I'm glad daddy had the forthought to buy shatter proof. Please stop removing them they are not cat toys.
I promise I'll never underestimate you again if you just go back to your formally lazy ways.

Love, Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on December 22, 2011, 11:00:32 AM
Dear Queen Magikistan

Choose one of the SIX freshly cleaned litter boxes to do your business please. Thank You

-Preturbed mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Hijinks on December 22, 2011, 11:28:46 AM
Dear Boo,

Your litter box is clean and (against our wishes) in the kitchen, since you couldn't seem to journey down the stairs to the basement.  Please to not be coming up to me when I'm snuggled in my bed, and POOPING ON ME.

No love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Sanity Lost on December 22, 2011, 12:15:24 PM
Dear Jasmine,

Yes. it was very funny when hitchhiker kicked you off my belly when I laid down for a nap. No, I will not apologize for laughing at the dumbfounded look on your face.

No, I will not stop laughing when you stare intently at my belly while the baby kicks. Yes, I will continue to give you cuddles and pets and call you spoiled rotten.

Love,
your very amused servant (and hitchhiker)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on December 27, 2011, 10:35:34 PM
Dear Mitten,

I am sorry I forgot to change your litter today. I appreciated your gentle reminder - ripping the lid off of the entire box of clean litter, tipping it on the floor, then pooping in it. So much more subtle than Cassie's polite little meows. I would, however, like to take the liberty of pointing out that you did have a second, still clean litter box in the spare room that you could use.

Exasperatedly yours,

Mummy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: furrcats on December 27, 2011, 11:05:00 PM
At least litter was used  ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Nikko-chan on December 29, 2011, 08:27:12 PM
Dear Mika,

I love you dearly. What I do not love however is you hanging outside my door, meowing constantly. I would like some peace and quiet please!

Your very exasperated mommy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: SisJackson on December 29, 2011, 08:42:09 PM
Dear Sweet Bunnycat:

A few things to consider if you could possibly, thanks.

1.  Just because you can see the bottom of your bowl doesn't mean you are completely out of food, and it definitely doesn't mean you are about to starve.  I promise.  Your bowl will get refilled sometime after the crack of dawn.

2.  Keep in mind that while you are able to close the closet door behind you, that once you do, you can't open it again.  That opposable-thumbs thing gets you every time.

3.  The bag of cough drops sounds a lot like your treat bag, but it's really not the same thing.  When I hold the bag down for you to smell the difference I know you can tell.  I can see you squinching up your nose.  Please believe that I'm not hiding treats from you.

4.  You weigh ten pounds.  How do you manage to sound like 80 pounds worth of cat when your'e running up and down the upstairs hallway?

5.  What the heck is in the downstairs powder room that you must yowl at several times a day?  And why does whatever that is only become visible to you when I get on the phone?

6.  When I'm done petting you, I'm done.  Stop clawing my arm to make me start again; it doesn't really make me all that excited to be affectionate with you when you are raising welts on my skin.

9.  I know that after you have a poo you feel all light on your feet and stuff, but if you feel you must tear around the house exuberantly then I'd like to request that you change your poo schedule to be during daylight hours, or at least when I'm not trying to get to sleep.

10.  The things on the coffee table, end table and night stands are there because we want them there.  We don't want those things on the floor, even if you seem to, and we are bigger so we want to make the rules.

11.  Seriously, I don't need help changing the sheets on the bed.

12.  No matter what, we can tell that the look of "I meant to do that" on your face is a lie.  That's why we laugh.  Don't take it so personally.

13.  How is it that you earn none of the money, but your food costs so much more than ours?

14.  We realize that when we are on the commode that we are a captive audience and we have resigned ourselves to petting you while we do our business, but when we have people over, they don't necessarily want to entertain you in there.  Please try to respect their privacy.

15. We realize that this new thing with Daddy working outside the home all day is terrible and that you miss him a lot, but sometimes Mama wants to cuddle Daddy too, so scoot.

16.  When Daddy comes home from the gym, his clothes go into the basket.  They need to stay there, because no matter how nice they smell to you, the rest of us don't find them so pleasingly aromatic.

17.  We always make sure you are aware of when we retire for the night, so that you may join us if you so desire.  If you don't elect to come upstairs at that time, no amount of crying will get us to return to the first floor.  You know where we are if you need us.

18.  While I am pleased that you enjoy being brushed, I am not going to let you eat the hair that I brush off you, so stop trying.

19.  Yes, the bird feeder was put outside the window for your entertainment.  No, we will never let you out there to get the birds.

With love and tuna can water,
Mama
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on December 30, 2011, 11:10:55 AM
Dear Mambo,
Please explain to me how Samba, who is easily double your weight, can land on the floor as quietly as new-fallen snow, while when YOU hit the floor, you make a sound like half the roof has just fallen in?  ESPECIALLY, I might add, at three in the morning, when the BF and I WERE sleeping but no longer are, because we were woken by a massive thump in the living room?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on December 30, 2011, 11:23:52 AM
Dear Mambo,
Please explain to me how Samba, who is easily double your weight, can land on the floor as quietly as new-fallen snow, while when YOU hit the floor, you make a sound like half the roof has just fallen in?  ESPECIALLY, I might add, at three in the morning, when the BF and I WERE sleeping but no longer are, because we were woken by a massive thump in the living room?
Obviously, Mambo is much better at the conversion of solar rays into gravity!

From Robin Wood's  Theory of Cat Gravity:
Quote
Cats, as everyone knows, sit on the window ledges where, as everyone knows, they collect solar rays. What everyone does not know is that they transform these solar rays directly into gravity. You can tell that they are doing this because when they get into the window they hardly ever make any noise; but when they get out they almost invariably go "thud."

Book Description
Publication Date: August 1, 2000
I have been explaining (reciting?) my theory of Cat Gravity at shows and festivals all over the country for many years now.

And, for just as many years, the people who have been listening and laughing have been asking for it to be all written down in a book.

Well, finally, it is!

The Theory of Cat Gravity, which is my Pet Theory, is all written out for your enjoyment, with decorations by Diana Harlan Stein who has been nominated for the Hugo Award several times. (I asked her to do it, because I can't do that many pictures in any reasonable amount of time anymore.) In it, I explain just what Cats are doing in those Window Ledges, and what that has to do with being immobilized by having a Cat on your Lap, and why things pile up under your bed and on your dining room table, and why it gets harder to move the older you get, and many other puzzling things. And it's all part of the same Unified Pet Theory.

And not only that, but since the illustrations are all black and white line drawings, you can use it as a coloring book!

If you have a cat, you are going to love this book. If you don't have a cat, you need it anyway to give to your friends who have cats. (But read it first, so that you are Warned! )
This little book is hysterical! I am not the author (though I have met her) and I urge all cat servants to acquire one immediately!  http://www.amazon.com/Theory-Cat-Gravity-Robin-Wood/dp/0965298426
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on December 30, 2011, 11:51:11 AM
Dear Jack,

I would like to learn to levitate. Would you teach me?

With awe,
The person whose shoulders you fluttered onto without use of claws after launching yourself from the floor
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Horace on December 30, 2011, 12:11:44 PM
Dear Twiglet,

I am having a bath.  I do not need supervising - I'm not going to drown.  I can cope with you walking around the edge of the bath, I can cope with you eating the bubbles.  I can even cope with you curling up on the bath mat so I step on you as soon as I get out.  However please stop climbing on me because it makes me get covered in your hair and then you put wet paw prints in my brand new books.  If you're good while I'm in the bath I will let you play in it when I get out*.

Love,
Mummy

*Yes he plays in the water; last night I stuck him in 3 inches of bath water when I was part-way through draining it and he just paddled and splashed around in it!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on December 30, 2011, 02:30:10 PM
Dear Jack,

I would like to learn to levitate. Would you teach me?

With awe,
The person whose shoulders you fluttered onto without use of claws after launching yourself from the floor

Wow. Lucky!

I used to have a cat that would launch herself at people and climb them like they were trees. With claws. She never did it to me, though. I took that as a sign that I was slightly farther up in the cat hierarchy than they were.

Jack must think highly of you if he is willing to levitate himself rather than upset you. :)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amara on December 31, 2011, 04:16:39 PM
Dear Athena,

While I cannot be sure it wasn't one of your sisters, I suspect you of overcoming your great fear of guests long enough to explore the guest bedroom while we were out sunning ourselves by the pool. And then to actually dig through her purse to find a tightly wrapped mini-muffin and drag it out of her purse, through the bedroom, hall, and family room and into the living room where you proceeded to separate the wrapping--in one neat piece!--from the muffin only to find after a few munchies that you really don't like muffins and leave the crumbs over the wood floor was quite . . .  something. Not something I liked, but something.

Signed,

Your slightly grumpy owner slave
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on December 31, 2011, 06:03:51 PM
I used to have a cat that would launch herself at people and climb them like they were trees. With claws. She never did it to me, though. I took that as a sign that I was slightly farther up in the cat hierarchy than they were.

When my late kitty Deanna was a kitten she would walk up to you and walk right up your body to get to your shoulders, using ALL of her built in climbing gear.  She didn't care if you were wearing jeans or shorts or pantyhose, she would just latch on and climb.  DH & I took to leaving "Super Soaker" water guns in strategic places around the house and gave each other permission to douse cat and person being climbed in order to break this habit.  We both spent about six months soggy, but we finally got Deanna to quit using us for a climbing post.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on December 31, 2011, 06:07:37 PM
Dear Peggy:

This food obsession must stop.  When I went to get a granola bar out of my bag of goodies that I'd taken into work, I was worried that the office mouse had finally invaded my drawer.  But when I dumped out the bag and checked the drawer, there was no mouse dirt.  Leaving me to conclude that you had had a little snack the night before I took the bag in.

Have I ever not fed you?  Even though you are so fat, you are round and I like to call you 'my rotund one'?

Human food is not for you!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Nikko-chan on December 31, 2011, 08:42:48 PM
Mika,

If you don't stop sitting outside my door and howling, I am going to have one less animal in the house. I'll give you a hint, it's not going to be the dog! Hush already, mommy would like to get some rest! And also, don't press your body against the door at four o'clock in the morning. It rattles the door (which you know, because that is why you do it) and the rattling (and your meowing) make the dog growl and bark. I have fed and watered you enough for today. I would just like some rest!

Your very desperate mommy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on January 01, 2012, 01:38:50 AM
Dear furballs,

When Mom & Dad want some private time and close the bedroom doors, sitting outside and hooking your claws under the doors to bounce them does not win you any points.  We will let you back in when we are done, I promise!

Love,

Your frustrated Mom

(we have double doors to the bedroom and they can really get a good rattle, rattle bang going!)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on January 06, 2012, 02:30:46 AM
Dear Matilda,

Please do not try to kill Mummy.

I know I was holding you. I'm sure the squirrel outside was fascinating.

This does not excuse four scratches going from ear to ear across my neck where you used my throat as leverage. I am on my third TCP-soaked cloth pressed against it, the bleeding has only just stopped and my T-shirt is going in the wash half an hour after I put it on.

And if you must lick your paws clean, don't get a taste for it.

And don't purr at me, rub round my legs, and look cute.  I am not giving you strokings right now.

Regards,
Your wounded staff member.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: StarDrifter on January 06, 2012, 05:26:13 AM
Oh, atirial, I can sympathise! I have scratch-marks all over my hands at the moment thanks to a ginger beast launching himself out of my arms to chase a pigeon.

Made me feel much better when he forgot about the glass door and ran headlong into it not five seconds after he'd assaulted me.

Also, I hope your t-shirt recovers!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on January 06, 2012, 01:49:07 PM
Dear Marble and Wicked,

You are big foster kitties now, and we are going to take you to Adoption Day. We know that kitties do not generally like Adoption Day, what with the car ride, strange cage in an open area with lots of people around, and barking dogs.

However, you have to endure Adoption Day if you want to be Adopted. Being lively and alert increased your changes of Being Adopted; cringing in the back of the cage does not.  Going tharn is right out.

Buck up, babies,

The Big Pink Thing
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Baby Snakes on January 06, 2012, 01:58:21 PM
Dear Kitty,  Somehow you have gotten it into your head that you're the boss and I need to be trained.  When I am relaxing on the sofa after work, you cry, moan and complain extensively with an absolutle NEEEEED to go out onto the deck.  So I get up from my comfy sofa, walk over the door, open it only to have you run away with a terrified look like you just saw a ghost.  You have no idea how much this annoys me as you do this every 5 minutes or so until you get bored and wander away.

I love you dearly anyway, you little Task Master!

Love, Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on January 06, 2012, 02:05:22 PM
I'm convinced most cats enforce an "Open Door Policy."  It isn't a matter of them wanting the door open so they can go out (or come in). It's just their job to enforce The Policy, so when the door is closed, they bring the violation to your attention so you can correct it by opening the door.  Then they nod briefly ("Good job, human slave"), turn around, and saunter off with tails held high ("My job is done").  "Door Inspector" is an important position with a lot of responsibility.

This is also why one can never train a cat to close the door.  Inspectors enforce The Policy; They do not violate The Policy!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Kimblee on January 07, 2012, 10:42:37 PM
Dear Marble and Wicked,

You are big foster kitties now, and we are going to take you to Adoption Day. We know that kitties do not generally like Adoption Day, what with the car ride, strange cage in an open area with lots of people around, and barking dogs.

However, you have to endure Adoption Day if you want to be Adopted. Being lively and alert increased your changes of Being Adopted; cringing in the back of the cage does not.  Going tharn is right out.

Buck up, babies,

The Big Pink Thing

Dear Ms_Cellany,

Don't you get it? If we get adopted we would have to leave Unca Jack and his imaginary man milk behind, along with you and your sweetie who spoil us beautifully and we luvluv.

We plan to stay until you give us on adopting us out.

Best Regards,

Marble and Wicked
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on January 08, 2012, 12:17:15 AM
Dear Marble,

Well, you outdid yourself. I've never seen a kitten get UNDER a litter box before. The single eye peeping out was especially poignant.

Love,
The Person Who Kept Having To Explain That You're A Nice Kitten, Really
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ammyd on January 08, 2012, 01:08:30 AM
Dear Socks,
If you continue to come into my room at 3 am to try and get me to pet you I will eventually turn you into an actual pair of socks.

PS Nobody wants you to share drinks with them keep your head out of people's drink glasses.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on January 08, 2012, 08:11:56 AM
I'm convinced most cats enforce an "Open Door Policy."  It isn't a matter of them wanting the door open so they can go out (or come in). It's just their job to enforce The Policy, so when the door is closed, they bring the violation to your attention so you can correct it by opening the door.  Then they nod briefly ("Good job, human slave"), turn around, and saunter off with tails held high ("My job is done").  "Door Inspector" is an important position with a lot of responsibility.

This is also why one can never train a cat to close the door.  Inspectors enforce The Policy; They do not violate The Policy!

Now I finally understand what our various cats have been doing, thank you for this public service announcement.  I'm assuming they're also enforcing the policy at 3am from the patio table when they're out for the evening because by the time you get to the back door they're nowhere to be found.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on January 08, 2012, 05:52:52 PM
I'm convinced most cats enforce an "Open Door Policy."  It isn't a matter of them wanting the door open so they can go out (or come in). It's just their job to enforce The Policy, so when the door is closed, they bring the violation to your attention so you can correct it by opening the door.  Then they nod briefly ("Good job, human slave"), turn around, and saunter off with tails held high ("My job is done").  "Door Inspector" is an important position with a lot of responsibility.

This is also why one can never train a cat to close the door.  Inspectors enforce The Policy; They do not violate The Policy!

Now I finally understand what our various cats have been doing, thank you for this public service announcement.  I'm assuming they're also enforcing the policy at 3am from the patio table when they're out for the evening because by the time you get to the back door they're nowhere to be found.

A good supervisor can enforce policies even when not immediately visible to his/her subordinates.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Chelsealady on January 08, 2012, 08:16:29 PM
Dear Oliver,

Please get out of the refrigerator. The shelf is not made for little black kittens.

From,

The Staff
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: furrcats on January 08, 2012, 08:23:54 PM
I'm convinced most cats enforce an "Open Door Policy."  It isn't a matter of them wanting the door open so they can go out (or come in). It's just their job to enforce The Policy, so when the door is closed, they bring the violation to your attention so you can correct it by opening the door.  Then they nod briefly ("Good job, human slave"), turn around, and saunter off with tails held high ("My job is done").  "Door Inspector" is an important position with a lot of responsibility.

This is also why one can never train a cat to close the door.  Inspectors enforce The Policy; They do not violate The Policy!
[/quote
Now I finally understand what our various cats have been doing, thank you for this public service announcement.  I'm assuming they're also enforcing the policy at 3am from the patio table when they're out for the evening because by the time you get to the back door they're nowhere to be found.
[/quote
A good supervisor can enforce policies even when not immediately visible to his/her subordinates.
[/quote

POD  :D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Auntie Mame on January 09, 2012, 03:18:26 AM
Dear Empress of the Known Universe,

Hooking a claw through my nip at 4:30am will not get you fed any earlier.  It will only end in screaming.  Yours, or mine.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on January 09, 2012, 10:05:57 AM
Dear Pris,

I know you are excited about this "door policy enforcer" thing. You love open doors. And meowing at me anxiously and doing the pee dance will certainly make me check the door. But dear, the door IS open. See that light right there? See your chubby brother barging through? OPEN. Really! Just walk through, OK, before you drive me insane?

Sincerely,
Your exasperated Mama.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on January 09, 2012, 01:08:32 PM
Mouse - we spent a LONG time training you that batting frantically at the blinds was not an appropriate way to ask to go outside.  You are to ask us politely.  I do not know what has changed, but the new rule is NOT to bat frantically at the blinds, THEN come over and ask us to go out.  You are driving me crazy, stop it!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on January 09, 2012, 02:36:59 PM
Mouse - we spent a LONG time training you that batting frantically at the blinds was not an appropriate way to ask to go outside.  You are to ask us politely.  I do not know what has changed, but the new rule is NOT to bat frantically at the blinds, THEN come over and ask us to go out.  You are driving me crazy, stop it!
Have you tried hanging a bell from the doorknob?  Many cats & dogs will bat the bell or nudge the bell with their nose.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on January 09, 2012, 07:40:23 PM
Mouse - we spent a LONG time training you that batting frantically at the blinds was not an appropriate way to ask to go outside.  You are to ask us politely.  I do not know what has changed, but the new rule is NOT to bat frantically at the blinds, THEN come over and ask us to go out.  You are driving me crazy, stop it!
Have you tried hanging a bell from the doorknob?  Many cats & dogs will bat the bell or nudge the bell with their nose.

Only if the bell makes no sound - he drives us crazy as it is lol!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on January 10, 2012, 04:26:44 PM
Mouse - we spent a LONG time training you that batting frantically at the blinds was not an appropriate way to ask to go outside.  You are to ask us politely.  I do not know what has changed, but the new rule is NOT to bat frantically at the blinds, THEN come over and ask us to go out.  You are driving me crazy, stop it!
Have you tried hanging a bell from the doorknob?  Many cats & dogs will bat the bell or nudge the bell with their nose.
Only if the bell makes no sound - he drives us crazy as it is lol!
The point of the bell is to make a sound.  A sound you can hear so you can open the door.  If you answer on the first chime, the pet will not get in the habit of "batting frantically."
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on January 11, 2012, 07:57:30 PM
Dear Gizmo,

Yes I left for a week, but you like visiting Gramma and Grandpa and as far as I can tell they're very nice to you, even though Grandpa complains about the amount of fur you leave on the carpet. I am back now, I promise I have no plans to go anywhere in the near future so you really don't have to watch me every minute of the day, I'm not going to disappear, I swear.

I just want to use the bathroom in peace.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: finecabernet on January 11, 2012, 09:39:30 PM
Dear Lucinda:

        I know that you are the most affectionate cat in the world, and that you love to "love on" your human. However, waking up the human by digging your claws into her scalp is not appreciated, especially you usually do this around 3AM. If you must do this, why don't you at least do it around 7PM, when your human actually needs to wake up. Your cooperation in this matter would be most appreciated.

Love, Your Human
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on January 14, 2012, 12:26:36 PM
Dear Mambo,
  I know you love milk.  I know you love Apple Cinnamon Cheerios.  But this is my breakfast.  MINE.  I know you also love potato chips, but please stop trying to cram your head in the bag when Anthony and I are snacking.  Whenever I give you some for yourself, you lick them, chew them a little so no one else will want them, then you spit them out again.  I also know your feelings on grated cheese, but you STILL are not and will NEVER be allowed to hang out on the kitchen counter when I'm cooking.  Even if I'm just making nachos.  I don't care what the rules were at your old home.  I do not want litterbox feet and cat butt where I prepare my food.  Thank you.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on January 15, 2012, 11:53:15 AM
Dear Samba, Mambo and Tango,
  There are three of you.  THREE.  And might I remind you that you are, in fact, CATS.  So which one of you wants to explain why *I*, the HUMAN, was the one who had to catch and kill the mouse that somehow found its way into the house today?  Again, I reiterate.  You are CATS.  This is supposed to be YOUR job.  Not mine.  And now Samba is determinedly digging and pawing at the spot where I first saw it.  At least HE cornered the dang thing, and when I lost it, he found it for me again and cornered it under the front hallway rug, where I was able to trap it under a glass and kill it.  You other two though....you're worthless as mousers.  Tango, I think when we were living at C's house, all those mouse kills I credited to you I should probably be crediting to Taun Taun the Hairless instead, because when faced with a mouse, your standard MO seems to be to sniff it and curiously prod it, rather than kill it like you're supposed to.

So, if you find any other mice in the house, please do what cats are supposed to do, and dispose of it.  I'd rather find a dead mouse than a live one.  Thank you.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on January 15, 2012, 07:08:04 PM
Dear Samba, Mambo and Tango,
  There are three of you.  THREE.  And might I remind you that you are, in fact, CATS.  So which one of you wants to explain why *I*, the HUMAN, was the one who had to catch and kill the mouse that somehow found its way into the house today?  Again, I reiterate.  You are CATS.  This is supposed to be YOUR job.  Not mine.  And now Samba is determinedly digging and pawing at the spot where I first saw it.  At least HE cornered the dang thing, and when I lost it, he found it for me again and cornered it under the front hallway rug, where I was able to trap it under a glass and kill it.  You other two though....you're worthless as mousers.  Tango, I think when we were living at C's house, all those mouse kills I credited to you I should probably be crediting to Taun Taun the Hairless instead, because when faced with a mouse, your standard MO seems to be to sniff it and curiously prod it, rather than kill it like you're supposed to.

So, if you find any other mice in the house, please do what cats are supposed to do, and dispose of it.  I'd rather find a dead mouse than a live one.  Thank you.

About 10 years ago I flatted with another girl and we each had a cat.  We lived in a small terrace house right next door to the suburb's town hall.  When we left a year later, we were both tempted to send an invoice to the local council for services rendered given that a week didn't go by when either her cat (Muscat) or my cat (Jatz) didn't bring in a dirty great rat from the hall next door!  It took me 30 minutes to 'gird my loins' and get rid of the first one but by the end of the year we were both a bit blase about the whole thing.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MissRose on January 16, 2012, 08:43:57 AM
I am posting this for a good friend of mine after a recent vacation where I visited her and her 2 cats:

Dear Emma (aka Wire Chewer),

You are fed plenty. There is no need for you to chew on wires to things like our computers and tv among other wired items.  I would hate to come home, and find you gone like the scene from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation where the cat chewed the wires of the tree lights, got electrocuted, and I see the hole in the floor shaped like a cat. 

Now, I have bought repellent spray to stop you from chewing. Please stay away from the wires.

Your exasperated and loving owner (I mean staff),

S. (my friend)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on January 16, 2012, 10:30:11 PM
Dear Harry,

Thank you for supervising the plumber who fixed our leak today.  It is a good thing he thought you were cute.  However, I do not think it was really necessary for you to jump into the hole in the ceiling after the plumber left.  I know that I told DH you would get up there one that he scoffed at the notion.  But I didn't really need to say "I told you so" to DH quite so quickly.  Please don't do it again!

Your humble servant,
Lynnv

(from three states away)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on January 19, 2012, 01:47:03 AM
Dear Stephen,

We went to the trouble of getting you a kibble ball for environmental enrichment and exercise. The idea is that we put kibble in it and you roll it to get the kibble. You weren't supposed to look at the kibble that fell out, trot across to your empty kibble dish and raise a furry eyebrow at us.

Step two with catnip treats worked well. However, pushing it slowly with your nose while holding your mouth open so the food just drops in is rather reminscent of Garfield, and does rather defeat the "exercise" part of the plan.  Working out how to eat and avoid excercise at the same time is very clever but unless you want to turn back into the couch-kitty you were when you came to us, you're going to have to get some exercise. 

Regards,
Your owner
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MrsVandy on January 19, 2012, 07:47:45 AM
Dear Jericho,

You have been such a good boy taking care of mommy that last few days while she's sick. It was even kinda cute when you started taking you meals beside mommy of the couch. However please do not wake Daddy up at 6:30 to play laser with you. Just because you bought him the laser makes him no more likely to play it with you. Also when Daddy put the laser away that was not him asking you to fetch it again.

Love sick Mommy and tired Daddy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on January 19, 2012, 02:56:26 PM
Step two with catnip treats worked well. However, pushing it slowly with your nose while holding your mouth open so the food just drops in is rather reminscent of Garfield, and does rather defeat the "exercise" part of the plan.  Working out how to eat and avoid excercise at the same time is very clever but unless you want to turn back into the couch-kitty you were when you came to us, you're going to have to get some exercise. 

Regards,
Your ownerstaff
There, I fixed your sig line for you.  >:D

DH bought some "FitNip" treats in hopes our nip-crazed cat would get off her fat butt and get a little exercise.  Bootsie likes their smell, but appears puzzled what to do with the treats.  I've tried breaking them into smaller pieces because she doesn't have a lot of teeth left (although she eats kibbles just fine).  She still won't eat the FitNip treats.  She prefers another brand of treat and will waddle quickly to get the first treat thrown, but that's it.  When I toss the second treat in the other direction, she gives me stink eye for making her work for it and saunters over to the second treat.  After all, her sister (Midnight) is no longer around to steal treats and Boo knows she gets everything cat in our home.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 19, 2012, 02:59:18 PM
Dear Peggy, my little food oriented kitty who thinks she's a dog:

You are not allowed on the kitchen table.  You are definitely not allowed to chew open the bag of potato chips on the kitchen table.  They are bad for you!  (Well, they are bad for me too, but we're not dicussing me.)

Stop it!

Your Exasperated Staff
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on January 19, 2012, 07:41:09 PM
Dear Cookie,

I don't know how you managed to pry the really heavy metal cover off the vent on the floor.  I'm really sorry you had to have a bath after I pulled you out of the ducts.  I'm just glad your older brother warned me you were down there so I didn't just put the grate back.  I know it was a really awesome super duper cave and I'm sorry you couldn't spend more time down there, but I really didn't want to lose you in the walls.  I hope you will forgive me.

Your servant,
Peach2play
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: IrishGenes on January 19, 2012, 08:31:50 PM
Dear Aspen,

You have free reign of the house; there are virtually no restrictions on where and when you meander or where you choose to sleep.   

That said, the shower stall in my bathroom is not the wisest choice for a creature who does not like to be in water.  I turn on the shower before I hop in because I like the water to warm up and warm the shower floor.  I did not intend to soak you this morning at 6:30.  I never thought I needed to check for a cat sitting/sleeping in the shower before turning on the spray.  From now on, I will certainly do so.

I will not be held responsible for you getting soaked this morning, but I will apologize for my fits of giggles as I swaddled you in a towel to help dry you off.  Yes, I could indeed tell by the scowl on your face that you were not amused in the slightest.

Love,
Your devoted mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on January 20, 2012, 10:02:00 AM
Dear Luna,

It's ringworm cream. It does not sting, prickle, itch or otherwise cause any distress. I know this for a fact, because I've used it on myself, and the first time we put it on your ear during a petting session, you kept purring.

When you kick and scream now, I know you're just being a drama queen.

Knock it off.

The Medicator
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: esteban on January 20, 2012, 11:05:27 AM
Lily,

I know mommy is fun to cuddle with at night.  I like to cuddle with her also.  burrowing your way in between us at 3 am and then pushing against me with claws out to make more space is not the way to get it. 

A repeat of this behavior tonight will get you banished from the bedroom. 

Love,

The one who buys the food.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on January 30, 2012, 11:36:30 AM
Dear kitties,

We are refinishing the floor, this means that you are not allowed to walk on the entry or office floor.  Please don't sit at the cardboard barrier I put up and claw at it.  You really wouldn't like it if you walked on the sticky tung oil.

P.S. The back door works just fine.

Love,
Your Human

(One of the cats did get onto the floor when the first coat was still a little sticky.  I don't think that she has forgiven me yet for laughing at her "sticky foot dance".  Luckily, it was just the first coat & I was able to buff it out with the next one.)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: moekosowl on January 30, 2012, 07:16:04 PM
Dear Winston:

For the one hundred and seventy-eighth time. You are not a cheetah. I am not a zebra. Our house is not the Serengeti. Stop grabbing my legs!

Love,
The Gooshy Lady.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on January 30, 2012, 08:35:47 PM
Dear Winston:

For the one hundred and seventy-eighth time. You are not a cheetah. I am not a zebra. Our house is not the Serengeti. Stop grabbing my legs!

Love,
The Gooshy Lady.

Dear GL,

BANZAI!!!

Love and many kisses,
The Hunter formerly Known as Winston
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on January 30, 2012, 10:03:00 PM
Dear Winston:

For the one hundred and seventy-eighth time. You are not a cheetah. I am not a zebra. Our house is not the Serengeti. Stop grabbing my legs!

Love,
The Gooshy Lady.

Sheesh, I think you have the brother of my friends cat Ida.  In her youth she was known, not quite lovingly, as the Velociraptor...  She has since aged into a venerable but skittish senior lady, but in her younger days no ankle was safe!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: moekosowl on January 31, 2012, 03:44:07 AM
Dear Winston:

For the one hundred and seventy-eighth time. You are not a cheetah. I am not a zebra. Our house is not the Serengeti. Stop grabbing my legs!

Love,
The Gooshy Lady.

Dear GL,

BANZAI!!!

Love and many kisses,
The Hunter formerly Known as Winston
*gigglefit*
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: rashea on January 31, 2012, 08:07:12 AM
Dear Psy (Psycho Kitty),

Yes, Daddy give you way too much catnip. That does not automatically make the 17 year old dog "prey". Go outside if you want to hunt. You look so hurt when the dog doesn't notice you. Or climb your pole and kill the wiggly string.

The woman with the string
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: moekosowl on January 31, 2012, 06:04:26 PM
Dear Winston:

You have adorable pink jellybean toes and even more adorable toetufts. However, when you jump on the counter these are automatically downgraded into Dirty Little Kitty Feet because I know where those have been. Stay off the counter you loopy animal!

Love,
The Pawservant.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: BabylonSister on January 31, 2012, 08:25:41 PM
Dear Felix,


Candy wrappers are not food.




(Dear kids


Please don't leave your *%&%)@ candy wrappers all over the place.  >:( )
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on January 31, 2012, 08:48:05 PM
Dear Winston:

You have adorable pink jellybean toes and even more adorable toetufts. However, when you jump on the counter these are automatically downgraded into Dirty Little Kitty Feet because I know where those have been. Stay off the counter you loopy animal!

Love,
The Pawservant.

Dear PS,

Sometimes stalking the wily prey animals of the Serengeti requires dirty paws on the counter.

BANZAI!!!

Love,
The Hunter Formerly Known as Winston
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MERUNCC13 on January 31, 2012, 08:55:23 PM
Dear Cali:

If I have a 8:00 AM class, I don't like to be waken up at 3:00 AM to let you back into your apartment.  You can wait until the alarm goes off at 6:15... :)

Love,

Your (fur) mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MrsVandy on January 31, 2012, 09:59:12 PM
Dear Jericho,

Please stop trying to learn how to turn on my Wii fit board. You have no reason to turn it on and it will waste batteries.

Love Mommy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: moekosowl on February 01, 2012, 04:17:34 AM
Dear Winston:

You have adorable pink jellybean toes and even more adorable toetufts. However, when you jump on the counter these are automatically downgraded into Dirty Little Kitty Feet because I know where those have been. Stay off the counter you loopy animal!

Love,
The Pawservant.

Dear PS,

Sometimes stalking the wily prey animals of the Serengeti requires dirty paws on the counter.

BANZAI!!!

Love,
The Hunter Formerly Known as Winston
*Another gigglefit*
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: rain on February 01, 2012, 05:19:27 PM
Dear Jericho,

Please stop trying to learn how to turn on my Wii fit board. You have no reason to turn it on and it will waste batteries.

Love Mommy.

 :o   - I though my cat - Ghost - was the only one who did stuff like that. 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on February 01, 2012, 09:18:39 PM
Oscar (my cat) has somehow discovered how to turn the tv off and on.  When it was new I couldn't figure out how and it was all very mystical.  Now I can see the area you are supposed to wave your hand (or fluffy cat body) in front of to turn it off and on. :)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on February 02, 2012, 01:55:32 AM
Dear Matilda,

We are aware of the loose floorboard in the bathroom (after you hid prawns under it) and have filled in the gap under it. This should mean that it is of no further interest to you.

Instead, it means that throughout the day we are intermittently treated to thwap-wappawappawappa as you try out your new musical instrument. Sitting on one end, hooking your claws over the other and pulling up until the claws slip and the floorboard must be fun, from the number of times you do it a day.

However, one of these days you are going to shut your tail under it or the board will break.  Worse, it will catapult you into a wall, or even the BATH. So shutting you out is in your own best interests, and we are not torturing you.

Regards,
The staff

P.S. Stephen, that door is closed to keep your sister out, not because there is anything interesting behind it. Please stop opening it and letting her back in.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on February 02, 2012, 07:39:10 PM
Dear Matilda,

We are aware of the loose floorboard in the bathroom (after you hid prawns under it) and have filled in the gap under it. This should mean that it is of no further interest to you.

Instead, it means that throughout the day we are intermittently treated to thwap-wappawappawappa as you try out your new musical instrument. Sitting on one end, hooking your claws over the other and pulling up until the claws slip and the floorboard must be fun, from the number of times you do it a day.

However, one of these days you are going to shut your tail under it or the board will break.  Worse, it will catapult you into a wall, or even the BATH. So shutting you out is in your own best interests, and we are not torturing you.

Regards,
The staff

P.S. Stephen, that door is closed to keep your sister out, not because there is anything interesting behind it. Please stop opening it and letting her back in.

Great description!  I've got tears in my eyes from the "thwap-wappawappawappa"!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 25, 2012, 05:20:34 PM
Dear Sassy:

I'm so sorry.  I didn't think when I started shredding paper how you would react to the noise.  You jumped 3 feet in the air.  Twice!

I'm also sorry for laughing at you.  But in my defence, you did look very funny stalking the noisy machine.

I'm glad you got used to it, though, since I now have 3 recycle bins full of shredded paper.

The staff
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JennJenn68 on February 26, 2012, 01:27:50 AM
Dear Mehitabel;

That furry sausage that follows you around all the time is attached to your body.  It is referred to as "your tail".  When you chase it, you cause Mama to get that much closer to requiring adult diapers because of the hysterical laughter involved.  Also, it is going to hurt when you chomp down on it.  It did the first fifty times you did it, so possibly you should try to hold this idea in your vacant head. 

Then again, since you still can't seem to comprehend the concept of using the litter box WITHOUT sticking your backside over the edge of it, thus completely eliminating the point of said litter box in the first place, I suspect that between your ears there is nothing but white noise.  Love you lots, but frankly, my dear, I refer to you as "Queen Vacuum-Head" for a reason.

Affectionately but exasperatedly,

The Footwarmer That Feeds You
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bluhairfreak on February 26, 2012, 03:32:57 AM
Dear Rocky
   I'm glad you had such a fun day with all those new people who came over and were loving on you.  But you have to stop sulking now that they've all gone home.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amara on February 26, 2012, 04:48:57 PM
Dear Aphrodite, Amara, and Athena:

It is NOT yet dinnertime. Yes, I can see that you are *starving*. The dry food that has been on the big dinner plate all day (and that I know you have each been eating because I can see you from my desk) is not your idea of dinner, but standing around staring at me with accusatory eyes and baleful expressions is not going to make it come sooner. If I feed you now I'll have to feed you again in several hours because you will, once again, be *starving*.

Go ahead, report me to the Feline Society of America for rampant abuse. Clutch your throats in despair. Let sobs emanate from your mouth. Sulk away. It still won't get you dinner prior to 3:00 pm PST. (And that's only ten minutes from now so cut the drama.)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on February 28, 2012, 10:41:52 PM
Then again, since you still can't seem to comprehend the concept of using the litter box WITHOUT sticking your backside over the edge of it, thus completely eliminating the point of said litter box in the first place,
Bootsie, who has arthritis, sometimes pees standing up.  I use puppy pads around the litter box, but this poster had an ingenious suggestion:
http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=112455.msg2643983#msg2643983 (http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=112455.msg2643983#msg2643983)
There is a link to a litter box for "stand up cats."
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 29, 2012, 09:12:50 AM
Except my last cat would probably have shoved her butt back out through the hole and still pee'd on the floor.   ::)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JennJenn68 on February 29, 2012, 02:08:35 PM
That's an interesting link for the litter box.  I may need it one day for Mehitabel, when all thought finally vanishes forever from that morass between her ears.  Oh, wait... that already happened years ago.  (She doesn't do it all the time, of course.  Just enough to annoy me.)

Oh, and here's one to my other feline...

Dear Clawdius:

Hush!  Why do you feel the need to make that horrible yowling sound while your mouth is full of your favourite catnip mousie?  It's disgusting and makes you sound like you are being slowly drowned in corn syrup.  Yes, I know that you have your mousie.  You're a brave, daring, adventurous boy.  You caught it!  I'm so proud of you for this incredible accomplishment.  Now, by all that's holy, pipe down!!  My eardrums are lacerating...

Love you anyway,

Your Heating Pad And Nutrition Dispenser

P.S.  No, you still are not allowed to eat your sister's food.  You have kidney issues.  You can only eat your own.  And stop chewing on your father's books!  He's already threatened to make you into a taxidermy project if you get into his Larry Milberry aviation collection...
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on March 01, 2012, 06:55:28 PM
Hush!  Why do you feel the need to make that horrible yowling sound while your mouth is full of your favourite catnip mousie?  It's disgusting and makes you sound like you are being slowly drowned in corn syrup.  Yes, I know that you have your mousie.  You're a brave, daring, adventurous boy.  You caught it!  I'm so proud of you for this incredible accomplishment.  Now, by all that's holy, pipe down!!  My eardrums are lacerating...
Midnight would do that, too!  She loved to carry my socks in her mouth while rwowling.  She would dig them out of the laundry or where ever I hid them.  We would say the same thing, "You found the sock! Congratulations! We're so proud of you! Now shut up! It's 3:00 in the morning!!"

Yes, I miss her, but sometimes I remember what a PITA she was and I'm a teeny tiny bit relieved.  Bootsie is so 2-dimensional compared to the flying Midnight who would knock our pictures off the dresser, breaking the glass and the frames.  We put her ashes up there where she liked to go, but wasn't allowed to in her lifetime. :-*
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on March 01, 2012, 11:17:23 PM
Except my last cat would probably have shoved her butt back out through the hole and still pee'd on the floor.   ::)

My beautiful boy is of the "he's not fat, he's fluffy" variety and I have found for him and also for my previous cat that those storage boxes you can get from Target or (probably) Walmart do great as kitty litter boxes. 

Kitty is "enthusiastic" about digging in the litter - get a box with high sides:
(http://www.plasticboxshop.co.uk/ekmps/shops/plasticbox/images/50lt-uni-box-lid-pack-of-5--167-p.jpg)

Kitty needs a bit more room than the average cat - get one of the ones for under bed storage:
(http://www.hsw.com.au/admin/product_images/full/PJ045.jpg)

They probably cost the same as a kitty litter tray and have the benefit of a lid if you need to move the box somewhere.  Its a cheaper plastic so I tend to get a new one every year or so.  Its cut down on having kitty litter crunching under foot (hasn't erradicated it but has reduced it) and Oscar loves the fact that its nice and roomy. :)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on March 02, 2012, 02:08:07 AM
Dear Cats,

Why?  We left you alone upstairs asleep for less than an hour. When I looked in on the way passed, why did I see

a) no cat on the bed
b) an empty plate of food on the floor, partly tipped,
and c) a pile of wet catfood industriously placed in the middle of the bed.

Whichever of you was responsible had not eaten the food, just carefully built this pile of catfood on the bed where it could soak through the quilt and result in a change of sheets and a lot of washing work for your staff.

If your idea was to avoid work, I should point out that dragging the food bowl in and then carrying the food up there one mouthful at a time would have taken more work than jumping down to eat it. On the other hand if you intended to sleep by it (turning into couch-potato kitty) I respect the effort and thought you put into it.

Just don't ever do it again.

Regards,
Baffled staff
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on March 02, 2012, 09:50:12 AM
Dear Misty:

Someone needs to remind your dim self that you are a Feline, species Domestic House Cat.  Cats don't bring their toys up to Humans, mrowr, and wait expectantly to play "fetch".  That is a dog's game.

It's even more embarrassing when you corner a visitor with your mousie, and I have to explain that you want her to play fetch  ::).

Love,
the fetch-playing staff
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on March 02, 2012, 10:59:50 AM
Now, Misty is just into cultural diversity!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on March 02, 2012, 11:15:28 AM
Now, Misty is just into cultural diversity!

 ;D ;D ;D

At least her eccentricity doesn't make a mess, like some of the other cats here  ;D.  We actually call her the "Cog"-the cat who thinks she's a dog.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Seraphia on March 02, 2012, 11:24:55 AM
Dear Henry-face,

Yes, I know you have lovely sharp toofers that are pretty and white. I know that you use them more than a regular cat since you have no front claws. But you do NOT need to test them on every leather (and some non-leather) item in the house. You have left fang marks in my shoes, Daddy's shoes, my purse, our leather-bound books, our paperback books, my laptop, my bathrobe and probably a number of things I haven't found yet. We bought you rawhides for that. Please use them.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on March 02, 2012, 12:36:46 PM
Dear Yukineko,

I know you are going through your first heat cycle.  I know there are two male cats in the house who are ignoring you.  I know you're part Siamese, but howling your great need at 3am gets you locked in the bathroom in the basement.  It will all be over next week and you'll be fine.

Your Mamma
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on March 02, 2012, 02:08:02 PM
Dear Yukineko,

Screaming is useful. I got fixed years ago and I can still shatter glass with my shrieks. It is a real attention-getter!

Just don't tell your mom this. ;)

Pris
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on March 02, 2012, 03:51:09 PM
Dear Pris,

My mommy says if I keep yowling, no more tasty yogurt which is the bestest ever.  She's so mean, but I've been very quiet because she would.

Yuki
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on March 02, 2012, 04:23:25 PM
Dear Misty:

Someone needs to remind your dim self that you are a Feline, species Domestic House Cat.  Cats don't bring their toys up to Humans, mrowr, and wait expectantly to play "fetch".  That is a dog's game.

It's even more embarrassing when you corner a visitor with your mousie, and I have to explain that you want her to play fetch  ::).

Love,
the fetch-playing staff
Our original kitty, Spooky, loved to play fetch* with whole pecans in the shell.  They bounce crazy like a football and fit in her little mouth.  She was so cute when she crouched at our feet, wiggling her little butt, waiting to chase the pecan.


*I know it looks like "fetch," the game that dogs play, but that is not the same game that cats play.  The cat game is "throw it for me so I can chase it."  The "fetching" part is the cat telling the human to throw it again.  The difference is in how the game ends.  For dogs, the game ends when the human gets tired of throwing and holds onto the toy/object being thrown.  For cats, the game ends when they watch their human throw the object, look up at their human as if to say, "Nice toss," then saunter off. >:D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on March 02, 2012, 05:05:51 PM
Dear Pris,

My mommy says if I keep yowling, no more tasty yogurt which is the bestest ever.  She's so mean, but I've been very quiet because she would.

Yuki

Yuki,

Wow. That IS mean! My mama gives me treats. She says I can't yowl with my mouth full, hehe.

Pris
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on March 02, 2012, 05:11:31 PM
Dear Misty:

Someone needs to remind your dim self that you are a Feline, species Domestic House Cat.  Cats don't bring their toys up to Humans, mrowr, and wait expectantly to play "fetch".  That is a dog's game.

It's even more embarrassing when you corner a visitor with your mousie, and I have to explain that you want her to play fetch  ::).

Love,
the fetch-playing staff
Our original kitty, Spooky, loved to play fetch* with whole pecans in the shell.  They bounce crazy like a football and fit in her little mouth.  She was so cute when she crouched at our feet, wiggling her little butt, waiting to chase the pecan.


*I know it looks like "fetch," the game that dogs play, but that is not the same game that cats play.  The cat game is "throw it for me so I can chase it."  The "fetching" part is the cat telling the human to throw it again.  The difference is in how the game ends.  For dogs, the game ends when the human gets tired of throwing and holds onto the toy/object being thrown.  For cats, the game ends when they watch their human throw the object, look up at their human as if to say, "Nice toss," then saunter off. >:D

My younger kitty plays 'kitten tennis'. If you throw it at him, he will hit the ball back to you with his paw, and you have to run and get it and throw it again. If he is tired of the game, sometimes he will simply keep the ball. So I suppose it is kind of like fetch in reverse.

Yes, my cats have me well-trained. :P
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Mental Magpie on March 07, 2012, 04:44:38 AM
Dear Shadow,

My sister did tell me a few hours ago that you are wont to come scratch at her door to let your kids (sister's neighbors) know to let you back in their house.  I did not think that would happen at 3:40am.  You scared the living crap out of me when you scratched at the door.  My nerves are already frayed...but I will still give you scritches if I see you in the future.

Love,
Your neighbor's sister
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on March 07, 2012, 11:06:34 AM
Dear Jack,

It was so sweet this morning, how you walked up to me, rubbed your cheek against my shin, circled and stroked my ankles, sniffed my toes, then ever-so-daintily bit the top of my foot.

This is how you earned your full name, you know - Princess Jack the Buttheaded.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on March 07, 2012, 11:08:01 AM
Dear Cassie,

Yes, it's a new flavor of cat food. Yes, it's even a whole different brand than you've ever had before. But I promise you, it's not poison. See how Mitten scarfs it down? It doesn't seem to be doing her any harm, now does it? I know you're hungry, baby girl, so please eat. It's good for you. I promise.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on March 07, 2012, 12:22:10 PM
Dear Yuki,

You go to the vet for the cone of shame tomorrow (getting spayed, but every cat I've ever had always looks ashamed to be wearing the cone).  Please do not be too angry with Mommy.  She's doing it for your own good and for her sanity at 3AM when you are howling for a man. 

Dear Midnight, Shadow and Lyoko,

Do not tease your sister about the cone or Mommy will make you wear one too. 

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on March 07, 2012, 03:53:27 PM
Dear Carmen,

Guinevere is very elderly at almost 20 years old.  You are a little whippersnapper of 3.  Leave her alone because she deserves peace and quiet.  Especially at 3AM.

The bed is big enough for all four of us and you would be welcome to sleep there if that is what you would do.  But you need to learn respect for your elders first. 

Is that why you're sleeping on my clean laundry?

(http://i756.photobucket.com/albums/xx204/Venus193/Cat%20Pictures/Carmenonlaundry.jpg)

Your Momcat
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: DistantStar on March 07, 2012, 07:08:05 PM
Dear Sapphire,

I must apologize for the shove off the bed I gave you in the middle of the night; yes, I know that hideous hork is out of your control but I don't want you producing whatever's coming out on my your bed either.  I must thank you for not doing so right where I put my feet on the floor first thing in the morning before I find my slippers.  I truly appreciate this!

Seriously...eww.  Horking in the wee hours.  Bleah.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on March 09, 2012, 07:41:01 AM
Dear Shadow,

My water cup is not your 3 water bowls, the sink or your water fountain.  Mommy doesn't have to share her water and it tastes the same as the water bowl I just put on the floor, ice cubes and all.  Now your little sister has stolen my straw and I have to go get another one.  Please use your own water bowl.

Dear Midnight,

I know you don't like the harness, but none of your siblings get to go outside for a walk.  Please don't give me the glare of death when I put it on you.  You gained two pounds during the two months of hell, and Mommy is trying to keep you from getting sick and cutting short your lifespan.  You do get really excited once we are outside and you can explore and Mommy appreciates the lovins you give me.

Your Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mechtilde on March 09, 2012, 01:24:29 PM
Please keep your tail out of the butter. Please.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MonteCristo on March 12, 2012, 09:06:03 AM
Dear Alexei & Lyla,

I realize that my ostrich feather duster is the closest thing to a bird that you or Sydney (the dog) have ever seen.  However, it is not for playing...I'm actually trying to clean the house.  It was one thing when you figured out how to get on top the refrigerator and dragged the duster to the bedrooms to play with...it was a whole other story when you managed to get inside the kitchen cabinets and steal the duster, then dropped it down to Sydney.  If I had wanted an ostrich assassinated in my kitchen I would have let you know.  If anything happens to the new duster, I will hold you responsible.

Your frustrated mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on March 12, 2012, 09:14:26 AM
Quote
If I had wanted an ostrich assassinated in my kitchen I would have let you know.
(http://www3.telus.net/smile/images/rofl-k2.gif)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amara on March 12, 2012, 05:23:26 PM
Dear Mommy,

You have no idea how much danger you were in. We saved you from the most horrible things that could ever happen when you bring an ostrich into the house. You are most welcome, by the way. Now please learn about dangers before you bring home dangerous animals. But since you are human and prone to forgetting don't worry too much. We are happy to take on the role of protector and will fiercely defend you against any and all dusters predators.

Alexei & Lyla
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: WhiteTigerCub on March 12, 2012, 05:29:16 PM
Dear Fuzzy,

I know you love that new puppy play toy thingie and you have done very well at not clawing her when she tackles you to the ground and then proceeds to lick you within an inch of your life, but please for all kitty dignity and to teach the puppy that it is not ok to tackle the other kitties in the house, please give her a few hard swats and then move away from her play space so she doesn't tackle you again. Kitties are not supposed to let puppies tackle them and like it!

The Referee
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on March 12, 2012, 05:50:31 PM
Dear Fuzzy,

I know you love that new puppy play toy thingie and you have done very well at not clawing her when she tackles you to the ground and then proceeds to lick you within an inch of your life, but please for all kitty dignity and to teach the puppy that it is not ok to tackle the other kitties in the house, please give her a few hard swats and then move away from her play space so she doesn't tackle you again. Kitties are not supposed to let puppies tackle them and like it!

The Referee

Dear Referee,

Do not worry. Is all part of master plan. Lure evil dog-creature in by making it think kitties are good. Kitties are nice. Kitties are fun to play with.

Once secondary objective is reached, primary objective will come into play. Puppy will rue the day it thought kitties were nice when all of us attack at once! We will send the dog running! He will not know what is happening! Kitties rule!

Your overlord,
Fuzzy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Irishkitty on March 13, 2012, 10:10:02 AM
Dear Little Kit

Not every tin contains tuna. Deal with it. Do not give me those doleful eyes when I allow you to sniff the tin and it does not contain tuna.

Sincerely,
The hand that feeds you.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on March 21, 2012, 03:25:51 AM
Dear Stephen,

I am aware that for most of your life, before you came to the shelter and then to us, you were an intact Thomas Cattus. I don't know what might have triggered this sudden behaviour change - a run in with a fox or other cat seems unlikely since you have had plenty of those before. I'm not even sure it was you.

However, for the first time since you cats moved in, someone decided to mark their territory by spraying in the lounge. It was not your staff (we're clutching our noses). Matilda lives upstairs, and won't go near the affected room. You will, and look very proud of yourself. The circumstantial evidence is strong.

I have never smelt anything like this in my life, and the room is a chemical warfare zone right now. Yes, your staff are going over it with a UV light and white vinegar and odour repellants...and gas masks and watering eyes.

If you ever do this again, I will apply a cork to the relevant regions.

Regards,
Your loving staff (with clothes pegs on their noses)

P.S. Any hints or tip on killing the smell would be very welcome.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on March 21, 2012, 09:05:57 AM
Dear Stephen,

I am aware that for most of your life, before you came to the shelter and then to us, you were an intact Thomas Cattus. I don't know what might have triggered this sudden behaviour change - a run in with a fox or other cat seems unlikely since you have had plenty of those before. I'm not even sure it was you.

However, for the first time since you cats moved in, someone decided to mark their territory by spraying in the lounge. It was not your staff (we're clutching our noses). Matilda lives upstairs, and won't go near the affected room. You will, and look very proud of yourself. The circumstantial evidence is strong.

I have never smelt anything like this in my life, and the room is a chemical warfare zone right now. Yes, your staff are going over it with a UV light and white vinegar and odour repellants...and gas masks and watering eyes.

If you ever do this again, I will apply a cork to the relevant regions.

Regards,
Your loving staff (with clothes pegs on their noses)

P.S. Any hints or tip on killing the smell would be very welcome.

Dear Stephen,

You may have to direct your staff to the purchase of an enzymatic cleaner in order to completely remove the odor (which I am sure you had nothing to do with). Here in the US, Nature's Miracle is a good brand; I'm not sure what is available to you where you live. But instruct the staff to soak the area well and be aware that a second or third soaking may be necessary.

My staff keeps Nature's Miracle on hand. When it is in use, there is a lot of muttering that I don't pay a lot of attention to, but there's something about how if it didn't exist, I would have to find a new home. My staff sure does have a sense of humor!

Sincerely,
Fred
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on March 21, 2012, 04:35:26 PM
I remember Angel, a cat who lived with me many, many years ago.  Angel had some kind of hormonal imbalance.  She was a spayed female and she sprayed like an intact male cat to mark her territory.  It was awful.  Her favorite room was the den, which was wood-paneled, which absorbs the nasty smell.  She even hit the stereo once.  The vet put her on a hormone therapy, but she gained so much weight (20+ pounds) that it put her health at risk. My ex-H and I owned horses, so she was sent to live in the barn. She was a good mouser.

I learned the hard way: Never name a pet or child any version of the word "Angel."  I have a niece named Angela.  She's a holy terror.  Angel, the cat, was named such because she was pure white.  She was also purely crazy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amara on March 21, 2012, 04:58:29 PM
atirial, you made me laugh out loud. Thank you. In return, I'll offer this advice. You can get rid of male cat urine order but it's going to get worse (yes, that's unfortunately possible) before it gets better. I know. I had an unneutered adult male cat spray in my house. Here's how to do it:

Get plain white vinegar, a lot of it. A gallon jug will work well. Use some soup bowls you don't care about--or get some from the thrift store--and fill them about 1/2 - 3/4 full of undiluted vinegar. You don't want to fill them to the brim because of the risk of them spilling or being tipped over. Place them all over, ideally where they can be protected from accidental run-ins with your feet: under the coffee table and end tables, etc. Open all the doors and windows as much and as long as you can. Try to live with it for about three weeks. It will eliminate the odor, but the combination, I admit, is horrendous. I was pleased to be able to inform all those who told me I'd never get it out that I actually did.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on March 21, 2012, 08:09:25 PM
Dear Gizmo,

The long yellow swishy thing is fun no? It waves back and forth so temptingly before your nose just begging you to attack it!

Unfortunately it is attached to a Golden Retriever who is rapidly losing her patience with you and your stealth attacks from under the couch. When she's had enough of her tail being leaped on, she sits on you, which we can deduce you don't like from the muffled yowling, but can't do much about because we're all too busy rolling around on the floor laughing.

The catnip mousie is right over there under the coffee table and it doesn't fight back. Maybe you could concentrate on that for a while?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Irishkitty on March 22, 2012, 06:29:26 AM
I remember Angel, a cat who lived with me many, many years ago.  Angel had some kind of hormonal imbalance.  She was a spayed female and she sprayed like an intact male cat to mark her territory.
My female cat does that too... I often joke that it's because she things DH is her mother :P
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MERUNCC13 on March 22, 2012, 02:16:00 PM
Dear Gizmo,

The long yellow swishy thing is fun no? It waves back and forth so temptingly before your nose just begging you to attack it!

Unfortunately it is attached to a Golden Retriever who is rapidly losing her patience with you and your stealth attacks from under the couch. When she's had enough of her tail being leaped on, she sits on you, which we can deduce you don't like from the muffled yowling, but can't do much about because we're all too busy rolling around on the floor laughing.

The catnip mousie is right over there under the coffee table and it doesn't fight back. Maybe you could concentrate on that for a while?

@ Jade Angel - If I saw that I would be rolling on the floor laughing also. ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on March 22, 2012, 05:41:47 PM
Dear Gizmo,

The long yellow swishy thing is fun no? It waves back and forth so temptingly before your nose just begging you to attack it!

Unfortunately it is attached to a Golden Retriever who is rapidly losing her patience with you and your stealth attacks from under the couch. When she's had enough of her tail being leaped on, she sits on you, which we can deduce you don't like from the muffled yowling, but can't do much about because we're all too busy rolling around on the floor laughing.

The catnip mousie is right over there under the coffee table and it doesn't fight back. Maybe you could concentrate on that for a while?

@ Jade Angel - If I saw that I would be rolling on the floor laughing also. ;D

I would too... photos? >:D I could use a good laugh. 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: furrcats on March 23, 2012, 02:17:50 AM
My cat for the first time in 16 years will sleep by himself of course this involes a fireplace a heating pad and a catbed  and gerbers beef baby food ( he will tolerate anything for that) and a consent mortaring of the tempchure of the house so he won't yell all night about his unpurfect life.  :P  ::)   
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on March 25, 2012, 06:56:40 PM
Dear Oscar

Yes, it is very clever you have learned how to open the shutters in the bedroom.  You are a very clever boy!  Can I suggest not doing it until it is actually morning as the neighbour's back light shining in my window does not make for a happy food provider - and an unhappy food provider gives you the generic brand rather than the nummy brand - just sayin'.

Love
Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MERUNCC13 on April 26, 2012, 09:24:37 PM
Dear Oscar

Yes, it is very clever you have learned how to open the shutters in the bedroom.  You are a very clever boy!  Can I suggest not doing it until it is actually morning as the neighbour's back light shining in my window does not make for a happy food provider - and an unhappy food provider gives you the generic brand rather than the nummy brand - just sayin'.

Love
Mum

I am rolling as I was reading this (Thanks Ms. Anna!) ;D

Dear Cali:

Just because you want to go out to the enclosed back porch at 3:00 AM does not mean I want to get up, and since you don't want daddy to take you out so until I feel like getting up, meowing and moving to where I am in the bed when I attempt to roll over or hide under the covers will not get you outside any earlier.

Love,

Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on April 27, 2012, 05:23:59 AM
Dear Carmen,

Please stop hiding and get to know your new little brother.  He's very playful and you need him.


Dear Figaro,

You're a darling but please don't pick up Carmen's bad habit of climbing the wall unit.  Mommy doesn't like it when you step on the plug for the TV set in the middle of watching her novelas.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on April 27, 2012, 06:07:46 AM
Dear Tribble:
A) You are absolutely not allowed outside.  I know I let Princess out, but that's because she avoids cars like the plague and comes when I call her to come back in.  Stop crying in your loud Siamese voice to be released into the wild - it's just not happening.

B) Although the other dog loved you and let you roll all over her, she does not live here anymore.  The current canine is kind of afraid of cats because Princess terrorized him when he was a puppy, and I also think he remembers you sinking all four paws full of claws and your teeth into his tail when he was sleeping, so he REALLY doesn't want to have anything to do with you.  Rolling on the floor at his feet just makes him look sad and confused.  Really, seriously, he's not going to give you a bath or let you chew on his ears like the other dog did.

Dear Princess:
A) You, too, need to leave the dog alone.  Stop eating his food.  I know it smells like salmon but it's not cat food.  Definitely stop guarding the water bowl from him.  You couldn't drink that much water in a month.  Also, he doesn't possess the equipment to pet OR feed you, so rubbing yourself against his legs does nothing but make him look sad and confused, because you used to beat him up when he was a puppy. 

B) What mad scientist managed to cross cats with sandspurs?  You are like the world's most painful Velcro.   Stop trying to climb my leg; especially when I'm wearing shorts.  Actually, stop trying regardless of what I'm wearing - I don't own the requisite armor to keep your claws from reaching my skin.  Tribble can keep his claws out of my skin, so it's not an impossible task.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: HungryHungryKitties on April 27, 2012, 10:57:54 AM
Dear Adam, Rocky and Antero,

Yes, I know.  Yes, we are having an epic year for Miller Moth season here in Colorado.  Yes, I know they are fun to hunt and nummy to eat.  But hunting them from the bed while I am asleep does not make for a happy mommy.  Hopefully the scratches on my neck will heal without scarring.

Dear Fred and Mica,

Thank you for your restraint in The Great Moth Hunt (tm).  Mommy appreciates your sensitivity to her need to get a good night's sleep.

Love,
The warm thing huddling under the covers
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on May 01, 2012, 03:38:30 PM
Dear Yuki, Lyoko, Midnight and Shadow,

Yes, Mommy was gone for 3 days.  The food bowl was not empty, Nanna and Auntie came by and you got lots and lots of lovins and pettins.  You survived.  You do not need to follow me around the house like a furry entourage. 

The hand that feeds you.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on May 01, 2012, 04:06:44 PM
Dear Jack and Luna,

You knew there was another cat in the bathroom. We have seen you go up to the closed door and sniff.

The door is now open. We find it hilarious when you wander over, spot her, freeze, and run.

We see you have learned your lesson about coming up to mommy cats with babies.

Love,
The Lover of Schadenfreude
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on May 02, 2012, 12:07:54 AM
Dear Gizmo,

Unfortunately the bad man is here to stay. Yes he takes up about 70% of the bed and I take up most of the other 30% leaving nothing for you. That's why I spread out the lovely fleece blanket on the couch. Yes he likes to sit in the sunny patch on the floor by the window, just like you do, and yes he likes to cuddle up on the couch with me when I'm watching TV in the evening, but there is no excuse for baring your teeth and hissing at him even if he did startle you by reaching for the remote control.

He's really not that bad, and like I said he's here to stay, so maybe you could consider coming out from behind the couch?

Anytime this week will be fine.

Love

Me.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on May 02, 2012, 04:09:19 PM
Dear Yuki,

Thank you so very much for defending the bathroom from the Toilet Paper Roll Monster.  I am so very glad it is dead and the look of triumph on your face when you killed it was priceless.  Our village is saved and the TPRM will never threaten another bathroom floor again.  Good kitten.

Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on May 02, 2012, 09:39:44 PM
My Dear Harry,

Do you see the closed door?  That is a sign that kitties are not welcome behind the door.  There are many good reasons for this.

1)  No matter what your mama told you,  you are NOT wise in the ways of cars.  And you will get squished.  And we will buy our friendly neighborhood vet a boat before you get well.

2) The yard isn't safe either.  The squirrels don't respect you, the birds don't fear you, and the neighbor dogs laugh at you behind your back.  Again, getting out will lead to a new boat for the kind vet who lets you eat his dog treats even though "Cats don't like those treats."

3)  There is a person behind the door going potty.  While I realize you don't understand the human need for privacy from time to time, it is something you need to accept.

4)  And, as of this morning I really must reiterate this one, there are dangerous objects behind the door.  Case in point-my glassroom.  I did not enjoy spending 15 minutes digging you out from under my workbench this morning after you snaked your way past me this morning.  I really did not enjoy the part where, in dragging you out, I managed to gash both my knee AND my foot (I stepped out of the shoes I always wear in there) and started bleeding.  And no, the dance I did in trying to get the shoe back on, get you out the door, and grab a bandaid so I didn't bleed all over the place wasn't funny.

Please-stop with the doors.  We do not hide the gardens of earthly delights behind them. 

Love,
Your kind of annoyed mom



Dearest Bob,

Quit enabling Harry by opening the doors, please.  I know he knows how to do it, but you usually do it for him and then just watch him do whatever his little pea-brain has come up with.  So you are not in my good books either.

Love,
The same annoyed mom

PS-Yes-I am glaring at both of you now.  And my knee still hurts.  Grumble.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on May 03, 2012, 03:21:36 AM
3)  There is a person behind the door going potty.  While I realize you don't understand the human need for privacy from time to time, it is something you need to accept.

When we got kittens I remember reading that cats like to use the litter tray in private.  Try telling my two that who like to climb into the litter tray as I'm cleaning it out and use it while looking me dead in the eye.  Maybe the website I was on was actually for cats informing them that humans like to use the toilet in private.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on May 03, 2012, 10:18:37 AM
Dear kittens,

Thank you for a brand new experience:

"Oh. There's a thread on the floor. I'd better pick it up so the kittens don't get tangled in it or eat it"
"Oh. It's stiff. Must be a twist-tie. How'd that get in here?"
"OH! It's an umbilical cord!"

With loving heeby-jeebies,
The Big Pink Thing.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: DistantStar on May 03, 2012, 10:42:07 AM
When we got kittens I remember reading that cats like to use the litter tray in private.  Try telling my two that who like to climb into the litter tray as I'm cleaning it out and use it while looking me dead in the eye.  Maybe the website I was on was actually for cats informing them that humans like to use the toilet in private.

Don't ask me -- my Sapphire follows me into the bathroom and does her business when I'm doing mine.  She doesn't listen when I tell her that I grant her privacy on the occasions she heads in without me, so why can't she let me have a little?

This may be solved soon as I will have a laundry room in my new apartment (YAY!) and will probably be able to put the box in there.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on May 03, 2012, 04:25:14 PM
Trust me when I say do NOT put the litter box in a small enclosed place where you might have clothes sitting out for even a little bit.  Not only will fabric absorb a subtle odor from even a relatively clean litter box, it will also become a tempting target for feline bathroom usage...
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on May 03, 2012, 04:38:53 PM
I concur.  A childhood friend's mother put a litter box in the basement near the laundry facilities... with tragic results.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Mental Magpie on May 03, 2012, 04:51:34 PM
I concur.  A childhood friend's mother put a litter box in the basement near the laundry facilities... with tragic results.

Never happened with our laundry room...the litter box was right up next to the drier...then again, our laundry room was on the larger side; maybe it aired out enough.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MinAvi on May 03, 2012, 05:48:58 PM
My Dear Harry,

  The squirrels don't respect you,

I am still giggling at this.... tee hee
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: misha412 on June 19, 2012, 08:20:58 PM
Dear Byakuya and Ruika,

Welcome to our home. I am glad you two are joining our family. It has been awhile since this house has had felines in it. I love you guys even though its only been a bit of time since you came in.

But, we need to talk about the ground rules.

1. The dog was here first. Yes, he is a big slobbery dog. He barks really loudly. He smells like a dog, not a cat. He is not used to cats. Give him a break. He is curious about you two. He will try to put his nose in places it does not belong. Try not to remove his nose when he does this.

2. You guys are doing so good with the litter box. I am proud of you. Please keep up the good work.

3. Since you are only 9 weeks old, we are keeping you confined to a fixed space for your own good. I know you think you already rule the house, but until you are a bit older, you do not get run of the house.

4. When I need to pick you up, do not go running the opposite way. I have a reason for picking you up.

5. Curtains are for covering windows, not for scaling the walls.

Love, your new mommy.

Byakuya,

Please do not hold your sister down and bite into her leg so hard. You make her squeal and she gets mad. You are bigger than her and need to learn your own strength.

Love, Mommy

Rukia,

I know Byakuya is a bit of a bully, but he is your brother. Getting howly and growly at him will only make him worse. Try to have some dignity before you remove his head.

Love, Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on June 19, 2012, 08:27:18 PM
Dear Gizmo,

I am making the bed, and yes I know you are sleeping on it, but I was working around you so there's really no call for that kind of language. Next time you spit at me and crawl behind the couch I'm barricading you in there with the cushions.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MrsVandy on June 19, 2012, 10:26:26 PM
Dear Jericho,

You went on a routine vet visit. Yes I know you don't do bum stuff, but really you could have handled it better. They had to get out the Hannibal Lecter mask out for you. Now the vet doesn't believe mommy when she swears that you are normally very friendly and nice.

Also swatting at me isn't cool. I know it hot but despite what you think I don't control the weather.
I am glad you like your new food though.

Love Mommy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on June 20, 2012, 04:50:24 AM
Dear Figaro,

These early morning chases you do with Carmen may be good exercise for you, but please refrain from including the bed in your marathon course.  You scare Mommy and can potentially scratch her.

-- Your food provider
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on June 20, 2012, 10:35:27 AM
Dear Harry,

I know we just bought you a stroller so that we could take you for walks.  And I know you enjoy them and probably consider it part of your duties as Monarch of the Land to make a Royal Progress daily.  But it was up over 100F the last two days, and didn't cool down until about 4 am.  Sitting in the stroller yelling at me is hardly going to make me want to take you out.  And, as I am an (unpaid) servant and not a slave, no matter what you would prefer, you are just going to have to live with it.  And you need to quit yowling at the neighbor's black cats when we walk by them.  They are allowed to be out alone.  You are required to have an entourage.  Get a grip, dude.

Love,
Your Loyal Stroller-Pusher

According to my mom the only thing that proves that DH and I are not crazy cat people is that the stroller was a thrift store one and only cost $10.  We do leash him for his walks, but he won't really walk on a leash.  He does get out and plays up at the park or at the elementary school.   8)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JennJenn68 on June 20, 2012, 10:48:54 AM
Dear Mehitabel The Brainless;

I am very sorry that you are now an only cat and may or may not miss your late brother.  (It is impossible to tell because there is such a vacancy inside your skull that it shines out for all the world to see.)  Mommy feels badly about this and has consequently decided to stop locking you in the basement at night.  Mommy, however, is starting to reconsider her position on this issue.  Performing your four a.m. rain dance on my chest and fighting madly with the bed mice (a.k.a. my feet) at five a.m. is not doing a whole lot for my quality of sleep, and I am becoming less well-disposed to your perceived loneliness in consequence.  For pity's sake, cut it out!  Or back to the basement you go, and you won't get any apologies from Mommy... and maybe not any Greenies, either!

Just you wait, Whirling Dervish girl... once school's out, we're searching for kittens.  You'll look back on these days with nostalgia... if your attention span lasts longer than microseconds.  (It doesn't.)

I should have named you "Meatball" instead of "Mehitabel"--it seems appropriate somehow.

Love you anyway, Foolish Feline.

Your Nutrition Dispenser And Jungle Gym
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on June 20, 2012, 12:17:37 PM
<snip> fighting madly with the bed mice (a.k.a. my feet)
LOVE IT!  ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: BarensMom on June 20, 2012, 12:38:35 PM
Misha412, just wanted to say I love your cats' names.  It's rare to find another Bleach fan, at least one who'll admit to it.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Girlie on June 20, 2012, 03:01:55 PM
Dear Lucy and Max,

Those are mommy's feet at the end of the bed, not an evil Sheet Monster. Please do not attack them at 3:00am. I would be most obliged.

Love,
Me.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on June 20, 2012, 09:26:43 PM
Dear Smudge,

DH and I were TRYING to have a somewhat nice/romantic dinner tonight for our 25th anniversary.  We were very nice and even gave you a small portion of the beef tenderloin.  Did you have to thank us by horking it up in the hallway during our dessert???

Love,
Mom

(That distinctive *hork* *hork* noise is not conducive to a  relaxed dining experince.  ::) )
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on June 21, 2012, 01:44:24 AM
Quote
(That distinctive *hork* *hork* noise is not conducive to a  relaxed dining experince.)

But my god does it make you move fast!  Even at 3am out of a sound sleep!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on June 21, 2012, 02:36:20 AM
Quote
(That distinctive *hork* *hork* noise is not conducive to a  relaxed dining experince.)

But my god does it make you move fast!  Even at 3am out of a sound sleep!

It does. Especially if it is right next to your ear. "Umm... sick? SICK! AUGHHHH! Not on the sheets! NOT ON THE SHEETS!!!!"
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on June 21, 2012, 12:28:16 PM
Dear Bootsie;

I just want to thank you for jumping down from the bed to hork on the nice laminate flooring, not on the bed or library books like your dear departed sister, Midnight.  Also, I appreciate that you hork in the doorway/hall where we can find it, not under the bed where we store everything and it will be years before we find it.  Even more, I take responsibility for not giving you the hairball remedy (which you love so much) frequently enough.  I promise to give you more if it will prevent those hairballs.  At least you only hork a hairball once a week or so.  Not like Midnight who vomited frequently, especially towards the end, and for no discernable reason. :'(

You are The Cat now and you're doing a good job!

Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: misha412 on June 21, 2012, 01:42:04 PM
Misha412, just wanted to say I love your cats' names.  It's rare to find another Bleach fan, at least one who'll admit to it.

Yeah. My fiance got me hooked on it. the kittens came with the name of Bob and Rose. While those are nice names, they did not fit their personalities. So, out comes the Bleach reference.

 ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on June 21, 2012, 03:20:17 PM
Dear Cat

It is lovely that you want to spend time with us in the morning before we go to work but for goodness sake watch where you're waving your tail.  Cleaning tea off the coffee table, the coaster, the carpet and you is no fun for anyone.

Snooks

P.S The same applies at dinnertime with the glasses
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Sirius on June 21, 2012, 03:37:55 PM
Dear Matilda,

We are aware of the loose floorboard in the bathroom (after you hid prawns under it) and have filled in the gap under it. This should mean that it is of no further interest to you.

Instead, it means that throughout the day we are intermittently treated to thwap-wappawappawappa as you try out your new musical instrument. Sitting on one end, hooking your claws over the other and pulling up until the claws slip and the floorboard must be fun, from the number of times you do it a day.

However, one of these days you are going to shut your tail under it or the board will break.  Worse, it will catapult you into a wall, or even the BATH. So shutting you out is in your own best interests, and we are not torturing you.

Regards,
The staff

P.S. Stephen, that door is closed to keep your sister out, not because there is anything interesting behind it. Please stop opening it and letting her back in.

When we first moved to this apartment we had an elderly cat named Vega who discovered that the springy doorstops were the best toy ever.  It was quite annoying to be awakened by THOINGGGGG!!!  THOINGGGGG!!! THOINGGGGG!!! at 2 a.m. (and no, she didn't stop with three THOINGGGGGs.)  Fortunately, the cats we have now have no interest in playing with the springy doorstops.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on June 21, 2012, 05:02:49 PM
Dear Beefy,

Please stop being so adorable. We're taking you to adoption on Saturday, and you're going to break my heart.

Love,
The Big Pink Thing
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on June 21, 2012, 05:46:18 PM
Aww. Already? <sniff> They grow up so fast.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: BarensMom on June 21, 2012, 06:58:52 PM
Misha412, just wanted to say I love your cats' names.  It's rare to find another Bleach fan, at least one who'll admit to it.

Yeah. My fiance got me hooked on it. the kittens came with the name of Bob and Rose. While those are nice names, they did not fit their personalities. So, out comes the Bleach reference.

 ;D

So is Rukia feisty and Byakya disdainful and aloof?

Also, have you seen Deadman Wonderland and Casshern Sins?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Dr. F. on June 21, 2012, 07:26:33 PM
Dear Cormac,

I realize you like to run around the house after the dogs and I go to bed, so that they don't annoy you too badly. But is it really necessary to knock everything off of the basement shelves every night? If so, why did it just start in the last week or so? I don't begrudge you your fun, even tolerating the amazingly loud running up and down the stairs at 3am. But breaking my best Oaxacan vase was kinda over the top. Please stop.

Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on June 21, 2012, 11:02:08 PM
Yes Oscar, we are babysitting Ginger (my sister's cat). 

You never sit on my knee while I'm watching tv so the evil eye and sulks over the edge of the sofa are just going to make me laugh (honestly - just these eyes and a pair of ears laid flat - I nearly wet myself when I saw what he was doing!).

It's only for another 2 1/2 weeks, and you get your own special food, your own special place on the bed and your own sunlamp (when I'm in the shower) so I don't know what your nose is so far out of joint...

Love
Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on June 22, 2012, 01:46:40 AM
Yes Oscar, we are babysitting Ginger (my sister's cat). 

You never sit on my knee while I'm watching tv so the evil eye and sulks over the edge of the sofa are just going to make me laugh (honestly - just these eyes and a pair of ears laid flat - I nearly wet myself when I saw what he was doing!).

It's only for another 2 1/2 weeks, and you get your own special food, your own special place on the bed and your own sunlamp (when I'm in the shower) so I don't know what your nose is so far out of joint...

Love
Mum

I am laughing so hard here at that image!

My younger cat once had a fit when I was holding a visiting baby. I was not supposed to be cuddling anyone but him!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on June 24, 2012, 12:49:41 PM
Yes Oscar, we are babysitting Ginger (my sister's cat). 

You never sit on my knee while I'm watching tv so the evil eye and sulks over the edge of the sofa are just going to make me laugh (honestly - just these eyes and a pair of ears laid flat - I nearly wet myself when I saw what he was doing!).

It's only for another 2 1/2 weeks, and you get your own special food, your own special place on the bed and your own sunlamp (when I'm in the shower) so I don't know what your nose is so far out of joint...

Love
Mum
I am laughing so hard here at that image!

My younger cat once had a fit when I was holding a visiting baby. I was not supposed to be cuddling anyone but him!
One of my Siamese got so jealous that I was petting a visiting cat that she bit me.  Not on the offending hand, but in the middle of my back.  Try explaining THAT to the medical clinic.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on June 25, 2012, 02:47:26 AM
Dear Stephen,

Yes, Daddy was trying to keep you out of the kitchen. We don't really want you vanishing down the pipe cavities while the plumber works.

He unlocked the door and opened it. He looked round, no cat. He slid in, carefully not opening it wide enough for you to get through, and closed the door behind him. He made his cup of tea, keeping an eye on the kitchen door in case it should mysteriously open. It did not. He opened the door a crack and looked for cats. No sign. He rushed out, trying not to spill his tea, and closed and locked the door behind him again (by which point, yes Mummy was laughing).

So why, five minutes later, did we hear scratching coming from inside the kitchen door, and have to let you out?

Regards,
The baffled staff

P.S. By the way, Daddy now acknowledges that your ninjitsu is superior to his own. 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: HungryHungryKitties on June 25, 2012, 10:55:27 AM
Dear Mica, Fred, Adam, Rocky and Antero,

Thank you for being gracious hosts to visiting kitties Grigio and Cheryl, who had to be evacuated along with their giver-of-food due to the fires here in Colorado.  All seven of you have been peacefully ignoring each tother - granted, there is a door seperating the two groups, but still...

Love,
Your grateful referee
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on June 25, 2012, 11:05:27 AM
Dear Mouse and Smokey,

I don't know which of you did it.  I'm leaning towards Smokey just due to some suspicious behavior earlier this morning (i.e. RACING into the house, skidding on the kitchen floor, then continuing on when he has arthritis and usually moves at the pace of a turtle) - but Mommy does NOT appreciate finding a dead bird at the foot of the stairs, which I almost tripped over. 

Mouse, if you did it, I know you want to be a bird, but it is not going to happen.  Get over it.   Killing a bird in retaliation is not appropriate. 

As a side note - this was a REALLY dumb bird if one of you was able to catch it.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on June 25, 2012, 11:10:35 AM
Dear Jack,

You're not going to catch a mockingbird. You're just not. Give it up.

Love,

Your amused hoomin
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on June 25, 2012, 12:39:54 PM
Dear Stephen,

Yes, Daddy was trying to keep you out of the kitchen. We don't really want you vanishing down the pipe cavities while the plumber works.
Midnight used to go behind the washing machine frequently.  Sometimes she would yeowl and paw/scratch at the wall, so I would tell her to cut it out.  When the plumber removed the failing washer/dryer unit, we discovered a large hole in the wallboard behind the washer.  We're lucky Midnight didn't climb in!  I can just imagine the creepy crawlers she was chasing back there. <shudder> No wonder she insisted that was part of her realm which needed oversight several times a day.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on June 25, 2012, 12:44:11 PM
Dear Jack,

You're not going to catch a mockingbird. You're just not. Give it up.

Love,

Your amused hoomin
While not "mockingbirds," the local pigeons used to enjoy perching on our lanai railing taunting (dare I say, "mocking") Midnight.  She would chatter back, lash her tail, and jump on the bird's shadow, then look up at that "mocking" bird and chatter what she would do if he dared come down from that rail.  DH was worried that Midnight might try to jump to catch one of those birds and fall, but she wasn't that dumb.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Dr. F. on June 25, 2012, 02:38:56 PM
Cormac,

You are nearly 18! 18 is OLD for cats. Please stop beating up the dogs. They weigh 3x what you do!

Your personal chin-scritcher
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on June 25, 2012, 05:45:34 PM
Dearest Princess and Tribble,

I need considerably less company when I use the restroom.  Especially when said company is creepily laying on top of the shelving above the toilet, having knocked down many things to get up there.

And, Tribble, the bathroom sink is NOT your urinal.  It is not cute to pee with mommy, since your litter box is not in the bathroom.

Love,
Your food dispenser.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Girlie on June 25, 2012, 06:16:15 PM
Dear Max and Lucy,

You are pigs. Mommy and Daddy go to work every day to keep you in the lap of luxury, and you repay us by scarfing down four bowls of food a day. Please slow down. Otherwise, we will soon find ourselves out of house and home, with nothing but empty Blue Buffalo bags to keep us warm.

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bluhairfreak on June 27, 2012, 02:52:24 PM
Dear Rocky
   Jumping onto the table and sitting on my keys is not going to keep my from going to work.  I will just move your furry butt and go on my merry way.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MonteCristo on June 27, 2012, 03:21:30 PM
Alexei,

I realize that somehow you missed out on the grace that is suppose to come naturally to a cat...but if you don't stop tromping so heavily all over me when I'm trying to sleep you are going to be locked out of the bedroom.  Your sister weighs a good 2 lbs more than you, but she manages to walk as light as a feather.  Try and learn from her.

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: misha412 on June 27, 2012, 11:35:38 PM

So is Rukia feisty and Byakya disdainful and aloof?

Also, have you seen Deadman Wonderland and Casshern Sins?

Actually, it is just about the opposite. Rukia is starting to emerge as disdainful and aloof. Byakuya is the more fiesty playful one. But, both are adorable and very sweet. At 11 weeks old, they are going vertical...ARGH  :) I love them
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on June 27, 2012, 11:51:11 PM
Dear Gizmo,

I really enjoy our nightly battle for the hot water bottle, it's kind of fun to hide it under the covers in unexpected places (between my feet, under my armpit, behind my knee) and watch you nosing around the bed until you find it. And I'm sorry that you're now too round to curl up on top of it and it keeps rolling over and dumping you off (well actually I'm not sorry I'm laughing, but I can pretend to be sympathetic) but you have to choose. You can EITHER sleep curled up against the hot water bottle OR you can sleep smack in the middle of the bed but not both. I want you to choose the hot water bottle because then you sleep in a corner of the bed, but I can work around you.

Also the Bad-Man is coming over tonight, do you want your fluffy blanket under the TV table or on the couch?

Regards,

The Help.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on June 28, 2012, 03:01:07 AM
Dear Gizmo,
...
Also the Bad-Man is coming over tonight, do you want your fluffy blanket under the TV table or on the couch?

Regards,

The Help.

Dear Help

I think the Bad-Man would prefer the couch.  He's more than welcome to my blanket, I've got the hot water bottle.

Regards,

Gizmo
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JennJenn68 on June 28, 2012, 08:31:21 AM
Dear Mehitabel-The-Moron...

Please stay out of the bunny's cage.  You don't fit and you scare poor Sandy when you try to squeeze in, even when she doesn't happen to be in it at the time.  The bunny is a temporary visitor, and needs to be treated with the courtesy a guest demands, even one of another species. 

Oh, and don't try to eat Sandy's food.  It isn't good for you and I don't appreciate cleaning up cat yurp from the living room carpet.  You're an obligate carnivore; accept this fact.

Exasperatedly,

The Keeper Of The "Greenies" (And I can withhold them, too!)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Bijou on June 28, 2012, 03:55:08 PM
Just because you shouldn't eat onions and garlic doesn't mean that I can't.  I know you're trying to save my life, but really, they won't hurt me...I'm not a cat...I'm a person.  I LIKE onions and garlic and when  you jump in my dish, I have to throw the food away...because you can't eat it...because it has onions and garlic in it.
And, that stuff in the white bowl next to your food dish is water...same as comes out of the tap, so don't act like  you're dying of thirst if I don't turn on the faucet in the bathroom for you.

Just a thought.  I know no one here has a cat that drinks out of the toilet. but if a cat did do that, could you get a fake little toilet to put by the food dish so they would stop hogging the bathroom?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Mental Magpie on June 28, 2012, 03:58:37 PM
Just because you shouldn't eat onions and garlic doesn't mean that I can't.  I know you're trying to save my life, but really, they won't hurt me...I'm not a cat...I'm a person.  I LIKE onions and garlic and when  you jump in my dish, I have to throw the food away...because you can't eat it...because it has onions and garlic in it.
And, that stuff in the white bowl next to your food dish is water...same as comes out of the tap, so don't act like  you're dying of thirst if I don't turn on the faucet in the bathroom for you.

Just a thought.  I know no one here has a cat that drinks out of the toilet. but if a cat did do that, could you get a fake little toilet to put by the food dish so they would stop hogging the bathroom?

Leave the toilet seat up.  Once upon a time, Dark Cat, named Kasper, liked to drink out of the toilet bowl.  We didn't have dogs so the lids were up but the seats were down.  Dark Dad was tired of having the toilet seat always wet because the cat was drinking out of it, that he left the seat up.  Kasper jumped expecting 3" of landing space; when he was greeted with only 1", he fell in, splashed about, fled, and never drank out of the toilet again.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on June 28, 2012, 04:16:47 PM
The cat's water fountain is in the bathroom next to the toilet.  Cats (in general) like running water.  We bought the least expensive Petco model.  It's the smallest model and it barely fits.  Our condo is tiny.  We bought the water fountain when Midnight's kidneys began to fail and she compensated by drinking more.  The vet said "the more she drinks, the longer she'll live," so we bought the fountain to encourage her to drink more.

Bootsie loved drinking from the sink faucet until she got too fat and her arthritis got too bad for her to jump up.  Now she has the fountain with running water at her chin level.
(http://inlinethumb40.webshots.com/40615/2998990070039000897S200x200Q85.jpg) (http://pets.webshots.com/photo/2998990070039000897AafvmI)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on June 28, 2012, 04:21:44 PM
Just because you shouldn't eat onions and garlic doesn't mean that I can't.  I know you're trying to save my life, but really, they won't hurt me...I'm not a cat...I'm a person.  I LIKE onions and garlic and when  you jump in my dish, I have to throw the food away...because you can't eat it...because it has onions and garlic in it.
And, that stuff in the white bowl next to your food dish is water...same as comes out of the tap, so don't act like  you're dying of thirst if I don't turn on the faucet in the bathroom for you.

Just a thought.  I know no one here has a cat that drinks out of the toilet. but if a cat did do that, could you get a fake little toilet to put by the food dish so they would stop hogging the bathroom?

Leave the toilet seat up.  Once upon a time, Dark Cat, named Kasper, liked to drink out of the toilet bowl.  We didn't have dogs so the lids were up but the seats were down.  Dark Dad was tired of having the toilet seat always wet because the cat was drinking out of it, that he left the seat up.  Kasper jumped expecting 3" of landing space; when he was greeted with only 1", he fell in, splashed about, fled, and never drank out of the toilet again.
One of mine stopped drinking out of the toilet when another cat pushed her into it.  First and only time I ever saw a cat play a practical joke.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Sirius on June 28, 2012, 08:05:07 PM
I used to have a cat who wasn't too sure-footed, and after having to fish her out of the toilet several times because she fell in I made a rule that the lid was to be kept down at all times when the toilet wasn't being used by a human, and anyone leaving it up would have to dry the cat off if she fell in.  The rule worked - she never fell in again.  She did, however, fall into the bathtub once when I was soaking in a bubble bath. 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on June 28, 2012, 08:08:39 PM
Dear Figaro,

You have all the personality in the world which is why I gave you that name.  So is that why when you lay in the bathtub you knock my razor off its ledge?

Love, Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MonteCristo on June 29, 2012, 09:24:22 AM
Dear Alexei,

I don't know what you were doing last night, but the sound of a 5lb ceramic plate full of crochet needles and remotes crashing off the piano at midnight is very disturbing.  If you must run around and play in the middle of the night, would you please try to sound less like a rampaging band of marauders? 

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on July 25, 2012, 07:41:32 PM
Dear Furballs,

Sharpening your claws on the carpet, felonious hot pursuits across the bed (and occupants) at 5AM and spilling DH's glass of ice water on him, which soaked all the bedding and onto the mattress is not how or when we want to start the day.  Further acts of this nature will get your sorry tails booted out of the bedroom or house.

Love,

Mom

(DH was NOT a Happy Camper this morning.)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on July 25, 2012, 08:48:45 PM
Dear Carmen and Figaro,

I know your kind is nocturnal in the jungle, but this is a one-bedroom apartment with your human mum who needs you to not do this after dark.

Also, Figaro, it's summer and it's hot.  You might want to take it easy until it cools off.

Love, Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on July 26, 2012, 10:54:48 AM
Dear Lyoko,

I know your brothers used "your" litter box.  We just moved and mommy hasn't been able to bring the other two litter boxes up to the 3rd floor.  Up until today, her legs hurt to bad from moving the cat trees and litter boxes and food plus her stuff to get that far.  You do not need to howl every hour on the hour through the night until I get up and clean the litter boxes.  You will survive, I promise.

Love,
Mommy

PS...keep it up and I will lock you in the closet with your litter box, water and food where I can't hear you and let you out in the morning.
(The closet is a walk in closet that's the size of a Fiat)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 27, 2012, 10:10:46 AM
Dear Boojum,

Shut UP!

Kind regards,
The Suckers.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: parrot_girl on August 23, 2012, 11:03:13 PM
Dear Footsie,

I am very sorry that I didn't realise Baby Budgie was able to commando crawl (he couldn't do it the day before) over to you and grab your tail and chomp it. I know precisely how sharp his teeth are and that must have HURT.
I would like to say how impressed I am that you realised halfway through your swing that you were about to take out the baby and managed to sheathe your claws in time, fetching Budgie a mighty wallop but no scratches. Well done!

(you didn't need to then come over to me and claw my ankle, but I understand why you did it.)

love,
your human, who will keep a better eye on the baby from now on
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JennJenn68 on August 24, 2012, 08:59:23 AM
Dear Buzz:

The bar is not your own personal climbing gym.  Yes, I know that it is temptingly fabric-covered up the side and seems to offer perfect access to the heights of the TV room, but it is definitely Not Allowed.  I will be reinforcing this with the spray bottle.  Repeatedly.  You look appallingly ridiculous suspended there, like a furry and demented bat.

Dear Deke:

I would really appreciate it if you would not sink your claws into my backside while I'm in front of the computer.  I was on the chair first, you know!  Sneaking behind me and then using my derriere for a pincushion does not make Mama happy, and an unhappy Mama means a less indulgent Mama--and perchance increased usage of the dreaded spray bottle!

Dear Mehitabel:

No, the kittens are not trying to drive you insane.  They can't; you already went mad years ago.  Sorry.  I got two of them on purpose, so that they would be able to play and fight with each other and would leave you in peace.  (Although it is kind of cute how you start grooming Deke, then get this look of "What am I DOING?" on your face and then whack him upside the head.)  And no, you can't have the kittens' food.  You're already a good five pounds overweight, which would be fine if you were a human being--but you're a cat.  I'm sorry to have to tell you this yet again.  You.  Are.  A.  Cat.  I know this shocks you, but it's the truth.

All three of you, thank you so much for being the perfect excuse for staying home from unwanted family vacations!  I got to get out of being tyrannized by Snowflake Nephew and I get the whole house to myself this weekend while DH, DS and my in-laws go to Ottawa for a weekend of culture.  (I have Museum ADHD.  Also manifests as Art Gallery ADHD.  I can feel my attention span wandering as I cross the threshold of any of these places.  It's a sad, sad thing, I suppose, but we must all understand and respect our limitations... ;D)

With deepest affection (and some bandaids on the backside!),

Dispenser Of Food, Attention, And Cleaner Of The Litter Box
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: spookycatlady on August 24, 2012, 11:52:51 AM
Dear Misha,

You have been placed in solitary confinement due to your unspecified protest. By flouting society's laws regarding defecation in unauthorized zones, you have been segregated from the community at large for rehabilitation.

We love you and want you back amongst us, so please participate in therapy and stop trying to kill Mummy when she's trying to give your medication.  I'm sorry that it turns you into Cheech.

Your victim, jailor, food bringer lady,

Spooky
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Sirius on August 24, 2012, 12:15:46 PM
Dear Max,

When Mr. Sirius tells you to get off his side of the bed, he's not being mean, he just wants enough space to sleep.  Your 15.5-pound self takes up a lot of space, in case you haven't noticed.

Love,

She Who Scritches
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on August 24, 2012, 01:00:45 PM
Dear Princess,

I appreciate your attempts at soothing my aches and pains, but massages should not be given using porcupines and it's ACUpuncture, not just puncture.

Love,

Your loyal subject.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on August 24, 2012, 01:08:59 PM
Fred,

Notice there's no "Dear Fred." What the heck happened this morning that you peed on the bed, with me still in it? You had food which you didn't touch over night. You had three water bowls that I refilled just before I went to bed. I scooped the litter box just before bed, too. It was half an hour before Wake Up Time, too, which just added insult to injury.

There's a slim chance you might be sick, but since you used the litter box successfully before and after The Incident, I'm inclined to think you are trying to send me a message.

Find another medium, young man, or beware the consequences. You would be wise to reconsider peeing on the hand that feeds you.

Do you really want another trip to The Vet?

Not very happily,

Your Human
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on August 24, 2012, 02:14:39 PM
Fred,

Notice there's no "Dear Fred." What the heck happened this morning that you peed on the bed, with me still in it? You had food which you didn't touch over night. You had three water bowls that I refilled just before I went to bed. I scooped the litter box just before bed, too. It was half an hour before Wake Up Time, too, which just added insult to injury.

There's a slim chance you might be sick, but since you used the litter box successfully before and after The Incident, I'm inclined to think you are trying to send me a message.

Find another medium, young man, or beware the consequences. You would be wise to reconsider peeing on the hand that feeds you.

Do you really want another trip to The Vet?

Not very happily,

Your Human
OK, now I'm ROTFLMAO!  I know cats are not rational, but I'd be saying exactly what you said.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on August 24, 2012, 02:28:45 PM
Dear Bootsie;

I know cats don't understand human words, only the tone and inflection.  I also know that cats are not rational creatures.  However, Daddy and I are very proud of your socialization efforts.  Coming out from under the bed to hang out with Cleaner Neighbor was very brave, especially with the vacuum cleaner running.

You are getting more Greenies, you good little kitty,
Mommy

BG:  Bootsie is very timid.  For 18 years, hiding has worked well for her.  Let sister Midnight greet the strange people, Bootsie's staying under the bed where it's safe.  Now Midnight is gone over the Rainbow Bridge and Bootsie is getting bolder.  Still, Bootsie has always viewed the vacuum cleaner's appearance as her signal to hide in the darkest corner of the closet.  Our condo neighbor (right across the hall) is a "cat lady" who no longer has a cat.   She lost her cat of 20+ years a couple years ago and misses her still.  She would love to be able to love on Bootsie. She is starting up a cleaning business.  She watched Bootsie for us when we went on vacation, but Bootsie wouldn't let her come close enough to touch her. /BG

As we left the house last Sunday, we told Bootsie that Cleaner Neighbor is coming over to clean.  Don't be frightened and don't hide because Cleaner Neighbor wants to love her up. I told Bootsie she could be a "therapy cat" and share some purrs with Cleaner Neighbor.

We came home to a note saying that Bootsie supervised the condo cleaning and allowed herself to be pet.

No one but us has pet Bootsie in 16 years.  Cleaner Neighbor is very happy to have a kitty to cuddle.  We are thrilled that we have someone to watch our timid little girl when we go on vacation.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Girlie on August 24, 2012, 02:33:36 PM
Dear Max,

Mommy would appreciate it if you would stop looking at her as though she is some kind of crazy axe-murderer just for walking in the room.

Love,
Me.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: reddevil on August 24, 2012, 02:37:19 PM
Dear Nero-dog:

You do not like oranges.

You just DO NOT.

I know you like the smell of them, but not the taste.  Please do not glare suspiciously at me when I offer you a slice and you taste it and hate it.  I swear, it is the SAME THING that you were just sniffing.  I did not pause time and swap it out with something else to trick you.  Repeatedly begging for a taste, and then making that hilarious "I hate this" face when I give it to you seems like the very definition of insanity. 

Love,
Your Citrus Craving Mama
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Really? on August 24, 2012, 03:22:22 PM
Dear G,

Yes it was lovely that you had a bath, but mommy doesn't need one also. Please stop licking me.

ONlyme
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: siamesecat2965 on August 24, 2012, 03:28:44 PM
For all the naughty dogs and cats out there, I present cat shaming - http://cat-shaming.tumblr.com/
and dog shaming - http://dog-shaming.com/

Absolutely hilarious!  Although I'm not sure if the owners submit photos with teh notes, or the site provides them - but either way, they are pretty funny!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on August 24, 2012, 03:46:35 PM
Oh great.  Between the dogs and cats, I'll never move  ;D.  Way too funny.

Have you noticed yet that it's impossible for a cat to look ashamed?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: siamesecat2965 on August 24, 2012, 04:21:20 PM
Oh great.  Between the dogs and cats, I'll never move  ;D.  Way too funny.

Have you noticed yet that it's impossible for a cat to look ashamed?

Yes.  They just look superior, even when caught doing something they shouldn't be. 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on August 24, 2012, 04:24:43 PM
For all the naughty dogs and cats out there, I present cat shaming - http://cat-shaming.tumblr.com/
and dog shaming - http://dog-shaming.com/

Absolutely hilarious!  Although I'm not sure if the owners submit photos with teh notes, or the site provides them - but either way, they are pretty funny!
It looks like most of the notes are written by the owners.

My favorite:  I pretend I want you to pet me, then I bite you like an Evil B***h Kitty from He11! (signed) LucyFur.

Quote from: guihong
Have you noticed yet that it's impossible for a cat to look ashamed?
I don't know if it is impossible or if cats are just unfamiliar with the concept of "shame."

OTOH, almost all of the dogs have "I'm so very, very sorry" written all over their faces.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: siamesecat2965 on August 24, 2012, 04:39:53 PM
For all the naughty dogs and cats out there, I present cat shaming - http://cat-shaming.tumblr.com/
and dog shaming - http://dog-shaming.com/

Absolutely hilarious!  Although I'm not sure if the owners submit photos with teh notes, or the site provides them - but either way, they are pretty funny!
It looks like most of the notes are written by the owners.

My favorite:  I pretend I want you to pet me, then I bite you like an Evil B***h Kitty from He11! (signed) LucyFur.

Quote from: guihong
Have you noticed yet that it's impossible for a cat to look ashamed?
I don't know if it is impossible or if cats are just unfamiliar with the concept of "shame."

OTOH, almost all of the dogs have "I'm so very, very sorry" written all over their faces.

I love the dog who says he flaps his ears at 4am and wakes everyone up, and the one with teh sign that says "0 days since I ate cat litter"
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on August 24, 2012, 04:45:07 PM
Dear adorable Moose the Kitten:

When I shower, I am not steaming myself for your consumption.  The licking and biting that inevitably follows my shower really needs to stop before you turn into the enormous monster of a cat your feet are promising me that you'll be.

Love,
The human whose leg you are currently snuggling.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: magicdomino on August 24, 2012, 04:54:41 PM
Dear Magic,

I enjoy lap time too, that's why I encourage you to curl up on me.  But for the love of Bast, please do not use your hind claws for traction when jumping off if I am wearing shorts. 

Sincerely,

The Bed Warmer
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: misha412 on August 24, 2012, 11:53:18 PM
Dear Renji,

The counter top is not your play area. Yes, when I catch you up there, you will be getting a bath with the spray bottle.

You are such a sweet baby. I am loving watching you grow into a young cat. But, keep a couple things in mind. The drapes are not ladders in disguise and the dog's tail is not for chewing. And stop making your little sister squeal by playing rough.

Love, Mommy.

Dear Rukia,

Sigh. You look so innocent. You are not fooling mommy though. I know you are the one who pounces on your brother whenever possible. I know you like to instigate things. Plus, squealing does not make you innocent. It just means you like to complain when your brother is kicking your tush.

You are my little sweetie girl. Plus, you are the only other female in this household. (We've got to watch each other's backs).

Love, Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on August 24, 2012, 11:56:51 PM
Dear kitten,

You're a ninja and can teleport.  I can come up with no better explanation for how you manage to get past me every time, especially since I was looking directly at the space you had to have passed through to get into my room and you were on the other side of the house ten seconds ago!

Love,

Your confused babysitter.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on August 25, 2012, 01:45:29 AM
Dear Mitten,

I accept that you are not a snuggly kitten and would rather play than be petted any day. But when you cuddle next to me in bed, purring and begging to be petted, then stalk off angrily when I comply, well, you're kind of sending mixed signals. Please decide how you'd like me to serve you and I will be more than happy to comply.

Love,

Your confused mum.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bluhairfreak on August 27, 2012, 08:18:30 PM
MerryCat: I can't say for sure, but my kitty Rocky hates to be petted(one stroke from head to tail) but loves to receives ear and chin scritches.  Mayby that's what Mittins is asking for.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on August 27, 2012, 08:36:53 PM
Dear Peggy and Sassy:

I know I've been away for 6 days but you were checked up on twice, had three litter boxes, two water bowls, open toilets and two food dishes.  There was food and water left when I got home and the litter boxes weren't overloaded.

Please tell me why one of you chose to drop a load on the floor rather than use your litter box?

And please don't do it again!

Love,

The food provider
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ShanghaiJill on August 27, 2012, 09:29:23 PM
Dear Peggy and Sassy:

I know I've been away for 6 days but you were checked up on twice, had three litter boxes, two water bowls, open toilets and two food dishes.  There was food and water left when I got home and the litter boxes weren't overloaded.

Please tell me why one of you chose to drop a load on the floor rather than use your litter box?

And please don't do it again!

Love,

The food provider

I'll bet they tried to blame it on each other.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on August 28, 2012, 03:27:03 AM
Dear Moose the Kitten:

You are the cutest thing in the world, and it's a good thing I rescued you from outside and made you an indoor kitty, because you have absolutely no sense of self preservation.  You run towards loud noises.  And then, there are your interactions with the other animals.

Specifically, stay away from Princess.  She is Basement Cat incarnate, and does not like you.  Or the other cats.  She only tolerates the dog (because he leaves her alone) and accepts the worship of humans.  Quit trying to play the same attack-the-fluffy tail and jump-on-the-head games you play with your mother and Tribble, my angelically patient tom cat.  The ensuing screeching and the potential for damage to you is just not acceptable. 

Furthermore, leave your poor mother alone.  When the two of you are play fighting and one of you starts screaming because the other is being too rough, it's your mother nine times out of ten.

Also, just because I'm wearing a long dress, does not mean you can hide under the skirt in order to ambush the other cats and the dog when they approach me for petting.  I now know how the Trojan horse felt.  I mean, you don't just jump out from underneath - you attack through my skirt. Brat.

Love,
The babysitter.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on August 28, 2012, 09:11:44 AM
Dear Moose the Kitten:

Also, just because I'm wearing a long dress, does not mean you can hide under the skirt in order to ambush the other cats and the dog when they approach me for petting.  I now know how the Trojan horse felt.  I mean, you don't just jump out from underneath - you attack through my skirt. Brat.

Love,
The babysitter.

Dear Carmen and Figaro,

The above also applies to you.

Love, She Who Provides Toys and Fancy Feast
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on August 28, 2012, 03:57:00 PM
Dear all fur babies,

Yes, the food bowl was down to a few bits at 4:30 this morning but sounding like a herd of elephants while fighting, whining, playing and complaining is not nice and I'm sure glad my neighbor downstairs sleeps on the other side of the apartment and can not hear you.  No, you will not starve, yes, the food bowl will fill up when I get up and if this keeps up, mommy's getting a squirt bottle and you all get locked in separate rooms.

Love,
Your butler
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ShanghaiJill on August 28, 2012, 07:25:17 PM
Dear Stinky

Quit barfing.

Love, Mom.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: shadowfox79 on August 29, 2012, 05:24:14 AM
Dear Dash,

You are adorable and I love you. But please stop climbing the curtains. It is especially unnerving when you hang from one paw like a chimp.

Dear Spot,

You are a very handsome boy and I love you. However, you have a perfectly good scratching post. Please stop ripping hell out of the couch.

Love, exasperated furmother
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on August 31, 2012, 11:14:53 PM
MerryCat: I can't say for sure, but my kitty Rocky hates to be petted(one stroke from head to tail) but loves to receives ear and chin scritches.  Mayby that's what Mittins is asking for.

Blu, Mitten definitely prefers quick a couple of quick chin scritches and moving on. But lately she's been asking for more then freaking out. I think she's jealous of all the snuggly time Cassie gets and wants in on some of the lovey action, but doesn't know how to relax enough to enjoy it. She's always been a very hyper, go-go-go type of cat, but she's finally starting to settle down a bit.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on September 01, 2012, 12:49:48 AM
Dear cats - all four of you,

May I please use the bathroom by myself?


An addendum to the dog:
I know you like to sleep in there, but can you not sleep right in front of the toilet?  I need to put my feet there.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 01, 2012, 06:37:39 AM
Dear cats - all four of you,

May I please use the bathroom by myself?


An addendum to the dog:
I know you like to sleep in there, but can you not sleep right in front of the toilet?  I need to put my feet there.

He's just trying to keep your feet warm  :D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ShanghaiJill on September 01, 2012, 07:01:41 AM
It's a keyboard.

Not a bed.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on September 01, 2012, 07:20:16 AM
Dear Carmen and Figaro,

Please stop the rowdy behaviour in the middle of the night and just before dawn.  You are not in the jungle and I need some sleep even if I don't benefit from it as you do.

She who provides the Fancy Feast.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on September 01, 2012, 09:20:02 AM
Dear cats - all four of you,

May I please use the bathroom by myself?


An addendum to the dog:
I know you like to sleep in there, but can you not sleep right in front of the toilet?  I need to put my feet there.

Dog=portable bathroom rug  ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on September 01, 2012, 11:41:33 AM
Dear cats - all four of you,

May I please use the bathroom by myself?


An addendum to the dog:
I know you like to sleep in there, but can you not sleep right in front of the toilet?  I need to put my feet there.

Dog=portable bathroom rug  ;D
But not very useful when you're stepping out of the shower. :D 

Tasha HATED the bathroom -- it was where you got BATHS, for heaven's sake! She would never go in there on her own, not even to drink out of the toilet.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on September 01, 2012, 01:50:51 PM
Dear cats - all four of you,

May I please use the bathroom by myself?


An addendum to the dog:
I know you like to sleep in there, but can you not sleep right in front of the toilet?  I need to put my feet there.

Dog=portable bathroom rug  ;D
But not very useful when you're stepping out of the shower. :D 

Tasha HATED the bathroom -- it was where you got BATHS, for heaven's sake! She would never go in there on her own, not even to drink out of the toilet.

My dog usually hates baths, although every once in awhile I guess his skin itching gets to the point where he decides it's a good idea.  He usually gets up and leaves when I turn the shower on for my own use though.

He is also not a good bathroom rug/foot warmer - he usually wakes up and seems offended by my feet being on him, and it's really hard to balance on the toilet when your feet are suddenly elevated from a foot above the floor to above your waist!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on September 01, 2012, 03:15:48 PM
Dear Princess:
You are as stealthy as a windchime in a gale.  Cuddling up to my plate and then pretending you're using it as a pillow is not going to get you a bite of my food - besides, I'm not really sure what part of my lunch you're actually interested in eating, since you turn your nose up at hot dogs and bread, and I'm also pretty sure you don't like sauerkraut.

Love,
Your loyal subject.

P.S. getting the sticker off a peach stuck to you made me laugh for the nerd factor.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MrsVandy on September 01, 2012, 11:58:19 PM
Dear Gunter,
Your new so here are some rules:
1. Cats don't go in the fridge.
2. Same applies for the cupboards.
3. Mommy will not wake up at 6 am to pet and cuddle you.
4. Play with Jericho, he likes you, Perl does not.
5. You will get fed breakfast at the hour of my choosing.
6. Don't eat my socks.
7. Don't break bottles.

Love CatMommy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ZaftigWife on September 02, 2012, 02:26:46 PM
Dear cats - all four of you,

May I please use the bathroom by myself?


(http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c156/wednesday99/catmath.jpg)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on September 02, 2012, 03:15:58 PM
Dear cats - all four of you,

May I please use the bathroom by myself?


(http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c156/wednesday99/catmath.jpg)

I ROFL'd.   ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on September 02, 2012, 11:46:31 PM
No bathroom privacy with only one cat let alone four!

Mine also likes to come running and skid on the shower rug, which makes it hard to step on when getting out of the shower - but absolutely priceless to watch!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on September 03, 2012, 10:08:43 AM
Dear Harry & Bob (especially Harry),

Having cats means having to tape roll any clothing you own if you want it to be mostly hair-free when you leave the house.  I can live with that.  I have to say that your ability, Bob, to shed such that every kind of clothing shows your fur (since you are black AND white) is somewhat annoying.

But Harry, the fact that I have to tape roll my pillows is just wrong.  And it is your fault.  We have ceded an entire pillow to you, but you insist on sleeping on my pillow when I am not around to shoo you off.  Believe me, the fur on the pillow gives you away.  Stop it.  Just stop it.

Thanks.

She who feeds you and clips your claws (and tape rolls her pillows)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: magicdomino on September 04, 2012, 09:32:59 AM
Dear Harry & Bob (especially Harry),

Having cats means having to tape roll any clothing you own if you want it to be mostly hair-free when you leave the house.  I can live with that.  I have to say that your ability, Bob, to shed such that every kind of clothing shows your fur (since you are black AND white) is somewhat annoying.

But Harry, the fact that I have to tape roll my pillows is just wrong.  And it is your fault.  We have ceded an entire pillow to you, but you insist on sleeping on my pillow when I am not around to shoo you off.  Believe me, the fur on the pillow gives you away.  Stop it.  Just stop it.

Thanks.

She who feeds you and clips your claws (and tape rolls her pillows)

Dear Koa,

This is why I insist that you nap on the old sheet that I spread over the bed each morning.  Please don't pull it off.

Thank you,

The bedwarmer.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amara on September 04, 2012, 10:16:07 AM
Dear Harry & Bob (especially Harry),

Having cats means having to tape roll any clothing you own if you want it to be mostly hair-free when you leave the house.  I can live with that.  I have to say that your ability, Bob, to shed such that every kind of clothing shows your fur (since you are black AND white) is somewhat annoying.

But Harry, the fact that I have to tape roll my pillows is just wrong.  And it is your fault.  We have ceded an entire pillow to you, but you insist on sleeping on my pillow when I am not around to shoo you off.  Believe me, the fur on the pillow gives you away.  Stop it.  Just stop it.

Thanks.

She who feeds you and clips your claws (and tape rolls her pillows)

Dear Koa,

This is why I insist that you nap on the old sheet that I spread over the bed each morning.  Please don't pull it off.

Thank you,

The bedwarmer.

Dear Girls,

And this is why I feel I must keep the comforter on the bed upside down. It is cream. You are all black. Do you have any idea how hard it is to vacuum a comforter without sucking it up? Why would you? You are all under the sofa. And all the fur is out here.

Grumpily,

Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on September 04, 2012, 11:24:00 AM
Dear Harry & Bob (especially Harry),

Having cats means having to tape roll any clothing you own if you want it to be mostly hair-free when you leave the house.  I can live with that.  I have to say that your ability, Bob, to shed such that every kind of clothing shows your fur (since you are black AND white) is somewhat annoying.

But Harry, the fact that I have to tape roll my pillows is just wrong.  And it is your fault.  We have ceded an entire pillow to you, but you insist on sleeping on my pillow when I am not around to shoo you off.  Believe me, the fur on the pillow gives you away.  Stop it.  Just stop it.

Thanks.

She who feeds you and clips your claws (and tape rolls her pillows)

Dear Koa,

This is why I insist that you nap on the old sheet that I spread over the bed each morning.  Please don't pull it off.

Thank you,

The bedwarmer.

Dear Girls,

And this is why I feel I must keep the comforter on the bed upside down. It is cream. You are all black. Do you have any idea how hard it is to vacuum a comforter without sucking it up? Why would you? You are all under the sofa. And all the fur is out here.

Grumpily,

Mom

Dear Fred,

This is why there are two pillowcases on every pillow. The outer one's for you to shed all over, and the inner one's for me to sleep on. And why there is a strategically placed throw on your favorite corner of the bed, where you can see out both windows and also keep an eye on traffic in the hallway and monitor what's going on in the kitchen.

You have three cat beds. I've protected 3/4 of my bed. Could you please stop throwing up hair balls on the remaining uncovered 1/4 of the comforter?

Thank you,

The laundress.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amara on September 04, 2012, 12:00:45 PM
Dear Harry & Bob (especially Harry),

Having cats means having to tape roll any clothing you own if you want it to be mostly hair-free when you leave the house.  I can live with that.  I have to say that your ability, Bob, to shed such that every kind of clothing shows your fur (since you are black AND white) is somewhat annoying.

But Harry, the fact that I have to tape roll my pillows is just wrong.  And it is your fault.  We have ceded an entire pillow to you, but you insist on sleeping on my pillow when I am not around to shoo you off.  Believe me, the fur on the pillow gives you away.  Stop it.  Just stop it.

Thanks.

She who feeds you and clips your claws (and tape rolls her pillows)

Dear Koa,

This is why I insist that you nap on the old sheet that I spread over the bed each morning.  Please don't pull it off.

Thank you,

The bedwarmer.

Dear Girls,

And this is why I feel I must keep the comforter on the bed upside down. It is cream. You are all black. Do you have any idea how hard it is to vacuum a comforter without sucking it up? Why would you? You are all under the sofa. And all the fur is out here.

Grumpily,

Mom

Dear Fred,

This is why there are two pillowcases on every pillow. The outer one's for you to shed all over, and the inner one's for me to sleep on. And why there is a strategically placed throw on your favorite corner of the bed, where you can see out both windows and also keep an eye on traffic in the hallway and monitor what's going on in the kitchen.

You have three cat beds. I've protected 3/4 of my bed. Could you please stop throwing up hair balls on the remaining uncovered 1/4 of the comforter?

Thank you,

The laundress.


Dear Girls,

Fred reminded me that is why I have a plain cream comforter on the bed, one I got used for $20 off CL. The really nice gold and black one I had--remember, the one that cost me almost $150--was the one you used to throw up on. Sometime when I was at work. So it had all day to marinate. I almost added to it when I got home, tried to wash it out, realized the smell would never come out, and threw it along with the perfectly good bedskirt and decorative pillow coverings and just went cheap after that.

Of course, if you ever do that to my expensive, much-treasured sofa you are ... dead meat.

Let's-be-clear-on-this Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Sirius on September 04, 2012, 12:29:49 PM
Dear Max,

I realize you're still getting the hang of how we do things around here, and that when you came Mr. Sirius was off work for the summer so we went to bed at the same time.  However, now he's gone back to work and has to get up very early in the morning, whereas I don't have to get up and work until much later.  Therefore, if I don't go to bed at the same time he does, it's okay.  It's not license for you to sit outside the office door and fuss at me.  And yes, I know you don't like coming into the office because Daisy and Minnie hang out here, but either you make up your mind to join us in the office or lay on the bed like you have been; sitting outside the office door and meowing at me gets old fast.

Your bed warmer

(I wanted him to be quiet so he wouldn't wake Mr. Sirius up, but fortunately Mr. Sirius can sleep through an explosion.)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: RebeccainGA on September 05, 2012, 11:32:12 AM
Dear cats of the world,

I know my grandmother is a soft touch. There's probably a sign on every corner of her yard that cats can read that says so. But, for the love of Pete, can you please limit yourself to ONE batch of foundling kittens a year in her yard? She's getting up there in years, and the stress of deworming, defleaing, feeding, fixing, and rehoming two batches this year has knocked her on her fanny. Skip the year next year, maybe?

Sincerely, the granddaughter ready to plant catnip plants to put in the neighbors yards
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on September 05, 2012, 01:38:44 PM
Dear Misty:

I apologize for placing a notebook and my headphones on your stool.  I have given you scritches and pets, even checked your dish.  It is not necessary to glare at me as if to say "You KNOW that is my seat!"

Love,
the hairless petting and food provider.

(she has a stool-really a broken seat that we don't have the heart to get rid of  ::)-and she is very put out if we so much as set something on it)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on September 25, 2012, 12:17:41 AM
Dear Oscar

How can you have fleas?!?!  You are an inside cat on hardwood floors and I killed five (5!) fleas on you after bathtime on the weekend!!  I am so sorry I didn't pick up on the fact sooner and its all fixed now but I repeat the question - how can you have fleas???

Love
Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 25, 2012, 11:46:54 AM
Dear Oscar

How can you have fleas?!?!  You are an inside cat on hardwood floors and I killed five (5!) fleas on you after bathtime on the weekend!!  I am so sorry I didn't pick up on the fact sooner and its all fixed now but I repeat the question - how can you have fleas???

Love
Mum


You probably brought them inside on your clothes  :(
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 25, 2012, 12:02:35 PM
Dear Sassy:

I'm sorry I stepped on you.  But if you'd quit following me around like a dog and lying *right* next to me while I'm standing at the sink, it wouldn't happen.  I can manage to use the toilet and wash my hands all by my lonesome, you know.

Love,

The thing that is much heavier than you are.

(I swear, between my two cats, I own a dog.  Sassy follows me around everywhere and Peggy cleans up any food I drop on the kitchen floor.)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on September 25, 2012, 12:35:22 PM
Dear Yuki,

I know mommy just dyed her hair blue and the shower is covered in blue dye, but do not get upset with me when you don't like the way the water in the tub tastes.  I told you not to go in there.  The little paw prints through the blue dye made it look like Azrael finally got her wish and ate all the Smurfs leaving a trail of blue carnage everywhere and your look of indignation when I burst out laughing was priceless. 

Love,
The giver of the straws
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on September 25, 2012, 03:57:58 PM
Dear Sassy:

I'm sorry I stepped on you.  But if you'd quit following me around like a dog and lying *right* next to me while I'm standing at the sink, it wouldn't happen.  I can manage to use the toilet and wash my hands all by my lonesome, you know.

Love,

The thing that is much heavier than you are.

(I swear, between my two cats, I own a dog.  Sassy follows me around everywhere and Peggy cleans up any food I drop on the kitchen floor.)


Dear Sassy,

You should actually sit on your human's feet when she stops moving like I do, because she can't step on you if you are on top of them!

Best Regards,
Moose the kitten.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on October 02, 2012, 10:22:02 AM
Dear Kitten,

My clothes are hanging for a reason and are expensive so finding little claw holes in my Affliction shirts that you pulled to the ground for what ever reason does not make mommy a happy camper.  You are here by banned from the closet and will be squirted with a squirt bottle if you even go near it. 

Love,
Mom

PS finding you balanced on the 1" railing to the balcony 3 stories above the ground about gave me a heart attack so do not look at me with accusing eyes because I extended the chicken wire above the railing.  I do not want to have to take you to the vet in pieces.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 02, 2012, 10:27:10 AM
Dear Sassy:

Yes, I know the house is open concept.  Yes, I know it is cathedral ceiling at the front of the house, with a railing on the second floor, looking down over the first floor basement.  But that railing is NOT a balance beam.  You scare the carp out of me when you treat it as one.  I really hope that whole 'cats always land on their feet' thing is true.

Dear Peggy:

Just because I made a move in the vague direction of the stairs doesn't mean that I'm going down to the basement to feed you.  In fact, even if I do go down to the basement, it doesn't mean I'm going to feed you.  I think I'm going to mess with your mind and go down the stairs more, just so you get more exercise running to the food dish.  Trust me, you can use the exercise.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on October 02, 2012, 11:52:59 PM
Dear Kitten:

I am reconsidering the compromise we negotiated re: you observing me from the ledge behind the sink while I wash dishes and cook, pursuant to your actions in relocating to the sink and attempting to lick the cornbread crumbs off the bottom of the pan I just baked it in.  I may have to redefine that area as part of the counter-that-you-are-not-supposed-to-be-on again.

Love,
The nanny.

Also, for those concerned about their cats falling - typically, if a cat takes a fall of 3 feet or more, they have enough time while falling to reorient their bodies to land safely on their feet, and it takes at least a 5-story fall for them to approach their terminal velocity (the maximum speed a falling body attains before air resistance counteracts additional gravitational acceleration) - and, if they're conscious, they actually act to reduce their terminal velocity!  My extra-stupid cat came away from not one but three falls off my indoor balcony railing - two of which were onto my all-glass dinner table.  After the second fall, I put the couch under that spot instead - and after the third one, I gave her to my parents who have a one-story house.  That cat and her twin brother are definitely the dumbest cats my parents and I have collectively owned.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bluhairfreak on October 03, 2012, 01:42:33 PM
Dear Cats(yes all 4 of your since I don't know the culprit)
    It's a good thing you're all cute.  One of you knocked my first and favorite doll off the wardrobe(and I have no idea how you did that) leading to a dent right above his eyebrow.    I've moved stuff around so the wardrobe no longer as room for you to jump on, but I'm still very displeased.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: StillandSilent on October 04, 2012, 02:56:47 PM
Dear Lady Chesh,
That cat you like so much?  You know, your best friend that I always catch you trying to play with?  The one that lives in the dishwasher door?   Yeah, that's you.  You are flirting with your own reflection, you ding-dong.  Please stop, because people are laughing at you, and talking about you.
Mommy
PS Ditto for that cat in the toilet.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 04, 2012, 03:13:32 PM
Dear Peggy:

I hope I'm forgiven for shoving you away last night.  But you see, I'd just dropped a sewing needle and I didn't want you stepping on it, or worse trying to eat it, before I found it.  I hope the lovings I gave you after I got the button sewn on my pants made up for it.

My most humble apologies,
The giver of food.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on October 04, 2012, 05:18:04 PM
Dear Cats(yes all 4 of your since I don't know the culprit)
    It's a good thing you're all cute.  One of you knocked my first and favorite doll off the wardrobe(and I have no idea how you did that) leading to a dent right above his eyebrow.    I've moved stuff around so the wardrobe no longer as room for you to jump on, but I'm still very displeased.
Midnight used to love to lay on our dresser.  Then DH made the top of the dresser into a sort of memorial to his father, putting all our family pictures on the dresser top and the wall behind it.  He thought he could tell Midnight not to jump on top of the dresser.  That didn't work.  Midnight still jumped up, but it was hard to get comfortable with all the framed pictures in her way, so she would lay down, then kick anything that interfered with her stretching her legs.  The first frame to bite the dust was a crystal frame with our wedding picture.  It wasn't the last frame to be broken when Midnight kicked it off the dresser.

Midnight died December 2, 2011.  We had her cremated.  The little box with her ashes is on the dresser in her favorite place.  I told DH to put her ashes there because she always wanted to rest there and she can't kick any more pictures off the dresser, so she can stay there forever. (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-angelic004.gif)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on October 05, 2012, 10:59:37 AM
Dear Boy Cat

I know it was confusing to see me outside of the house but did you really have to keep shouting at me as I was talking to the nice man who'd come to collect the car?  And honestly, walking over both the cars (DH's and the replacement car) was not appreciated, it made you look like a very naughty kitten and made me look like a bad owner.  While we're on the subject, why were you shouting?  It certainly wasn't because you wanted me to open the door because you refused to come in when I went back inside.

Yours in confusion

The Doorwoman
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on October 05, 2012, 11:39:54 AM
Dear Bug,

There's no food in there.

(http://i822.photobucket.com/albums/zz144/Packie_Rattie/96187EE3-E844-474E-AA0C-9E5D76FBB1B8-5458-00000A2D8BC6AB11.jpg)

Love,
The Big Pink Thing
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Firecat on October 05, 2012, 12:15:01 PM
Dear Gabrielle:

You're such a good kitty to have caught the mouse, and we're very proud of you. But was it really necessary to spit out most of the mouse on the living room floor? Right before your daddy and I were going to eat pulled pork for dinner? It's a good thing for you that a) we both have strong stomachs and b) you're cute.

Go ahead and continue to catch mice, but we'd much rather you just left them on the kitchen floor for us to find.

Love,

The Warm Lap and Provider of Food
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: finecabernet on October 05, 2012, 01:02:38 PM
Midnight used to love to lay on our dresser.  Then DH made the top of the dresser into a sort of memorial to his father, putting all our family pictures on the dresser top and the wall behind it.  He thought he could tell Midnight not to jump on top of the dresser.  That didn't work.  Midnight still jumped up, but it was hard to get comfortable with all the framed pictures in her way, so she would lay down, then kick anything that interfered with her stretching her legs.  The first frame to bite the dust was a crystal frame with our wedding picture.  It wasn't the last frame to be broken when Midnight kicked it off the dresser.

Midnight died December 2, 2011.  We had her cremated.  The little box with her ashes is on the dresser in her favorite place.  I told DH to put her ashes there because she always wanted to rest there and she can't kick any more pictures off the dresser, so she can stay there forever. (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-angelic004.gif)

One of my friends picked up a stray cat a long time ago, and the cat was FIV positive, but she lived a few years with them before she finally died.   They had her cremated and brought her home because 'she's never going to be homeless again!'.

And now there's something in my eye.  Anyone got a tissue?

A total aww for this. I leave my cat Ally's ashes on the window sill in the bedroom because that was her favorite spot.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Girlie on October 05, 2012, 02:51:58 PM
Dear Max,

Not one person has ever come toward you swinging an axe, ready to chop off your head and place it in wall-mounted collection of other murdered Maine Coons. Please stop looking at everyone as though that's what you expect them to do.

Love,
Me.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on October 05, 2012, 04:42:02 PM
Midnight used to love to lay on our dresser.  Then DH made the top of the dresser into a sort of memorial to his father, putting all our family pictures on the dresser top and the wall behind it.  He thought he could tell Midnight not to jump on top of the dresser.  That didn't work.  Midnight still jumped up, but it was hard to get comfortable with all the framed pictures in her way, so she would lay down, then kick anything that interfered with her stretching her legs.  The first frame to bite the dust was a crystal frame with our wedding picture.  It wasn't the last frame to be broken when Midnight kicked it off the dresser.

Midnight died December 2, 2011.  We had her cremated.  The little box with her ashes is on the dresser in her favorite place.  I told DH to put her ashes there because she always wanted to rest there and she can't kick any more pictures off the dresser, so she can stay there forever. (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-angelic004.gif)

One of my friends picked up a stray cat a long time ago, and the cat was FIV positive, but she lived a few years with them before she finally died.   They had her cremated and brought her home because 'she's never going to be homeless again!'.

And now there's something in my eye.  Anyone got a tissue?

That's sweet.  I feel the same about my kitties.  When we adopt each other, it is forever.  I have Tasha and Deanna's ashes on the bookshelf in my office because they both loved to help me when I was on the computer.  In fact, Deanna pouted for months when I got a new printer.  The old one had a top that was perfectly cat shaped, and warm.  The new one, didn't...

Dear Xena,

You have known me for over four years and I have never once tried to eat you.  Why do you dive under the bed every time I walk in the door?  You are so incredibly sweet and loving, but such a scaredy cat. 

Love,
Me
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on October 06, 2012, 08:49:25 PM
Dear Tyra,

What is it with you and my harp??? I was just tuning it and you not only wanted to sing along, you were digging your claws into my leg.  I promise you that the strings are not made of catgut!!!

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on October 07, 2012, 03:56:30 PM
Dear Bug,

There's no food in there.

(http://i822.photobucket.com/albums/zz144/Packie_Rattie/96187EE3-E844-474E-AA0C-9E5D76FBB1B8-5458-00000A2D8BC6AB11.jpg)

Love,
The Big Pink Thing

It took a couple of looks before I found her!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on October 08, 2012, 02:39:15 AM
Dear Gizmo,

I'm glad that you've accepted the 'bad man' being in the house and come out from behind the couch, but going to the other extreme really wasn't necessary. He likes you of course, happy to give you a pat or a cuddle, but spending the entire night trying to leap into his lap (especially when I am already occupying it) and sulking loudly when you're put on the floor is very offputting for both of us.

Please to be toning it down just a little.

Thanks
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on October 08, 2012, 05:51:36 PM
Dear Moose,

I would never have taken you over to my now-ex's place to visit if I'd known you were going to pick up so many annoying habits from his cat.  My hair is clean and brushed and does not need to be groomed, thank you very much, nor do I need a second bath from your tongue after I get out of the shower.  I most especially do not need my head clawed and hair pulled and toes chewed on during your efforts to see to my personal hygiene.

Love,
The nanny.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Nikko-chan on October 08, 2012, 06:27:37 PM
Dear Pumpkin,

You are so cute. Yes, I know you are. So tiny too. But that does not mean that you have the right to place your baby kitten paws on my face and then chomp on my glasses. Seriously Pumpkin? I'm not even your foster mommy!

Your (seriously peeved) paw and chin cleaner.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on October 08, 2012, 06:43:20 PM
Dear Pumpkin,

You are so cute. Yes, I know you are. So tiny too. But that does not mean that you have the right to place your baby kitten paws on my face and then chomp on my glasses. Seriously Pumpkin? I'm not even your foster mommy!

Your (seriously peeved) paw and chin cleaner.

Dear Pumpkin,

Humans find it even more annoying when you steal their glasses than when you chew on them - whether you take them from their nightstand or right off their faces.

Love,
Moose the Kitten
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Nikko-chan on October 08, 2012, 07:07:41 PM
Dear Moose,

Thank you for the suggestion. I will try that when I am a little bigger and older. I'm not even eight weeks yet! I am still too little, and I think Auntie's glasses are bigger than me!

Sincerly,
Your Friend,

Pumpkin the Kitten

P.S. Auntie told me I only needed one, either Sincerly or Your Friend, but I like it with both. And she told me I spelled sincerly wrong. What does she expect? I'm only a baby!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on October 08, 2012, 07:10:29 PM
Dear Pumpkin,

You are so cute. Yes, I know you are. So tiny too. But that does not mean that you have the right to place your baby kitten paws on my face and then chomp on my glasses. Seriously Pumpkin? I'm not even your foster mommy!

Your (seriously peeved) paw and chin cleaner.

Dear Pumpkin,

Humans find it even more annoying when you steal their glasses than when you chew on them - whether you take them from their nightstand or right off their faces.

Love,
Moose the Kitten

Dear Pumpkin and Moose,

The second most annoying thing you can do to them is to climb up on to the bed-side table at night and hork all over everything, including the glasses. The most annoying is if you can manage to do in on their pillow - while they're sleeping on it.

Best wishes,

Cassie Cat
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AlephReish on October 08, 2012, 07:50:09 PM
Dear Pumpkin and Moose and Cassie,
     I've discovered an EVEN MORE annoying thing! Horking into your person's ear while they're sleeping. It's so funny to watch them wake up and realize that they can't straighten out their head without getting everything yucked up.

Always,
Dorsey Cat
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on October 08, 2012, 07:56:17 PM
Dear Pumpkin and Moose and Cassie,
     I've discovered an EVEN MORE annoying thing! Horking into your person's ear while they're sleeping. It's so funny to watch them wake up and realize that they can't straighten out their head without getting everything yucked up.

Always,
Dorsey Cat

Dear Dorsey Cat,
You belong in the gross-out thread
Love,
The humans.  All of them.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amara on October 08, 2012, 09:16:15 PM
Dear Pumpkin and Moose, Cassie, and Dorsey Cat:

All those are good, thank you for the suggestions. We plan to add them to our arsenal soon. We would like to point out--actually, this is Aprodite's specialty--that the ultimate in annoying behaviors is to dump on the comforter. The human will freak out. (Trust me, there is no other description for it.) If your human has a $150 "dry clean only" comforter, that's good. But a cheap one will do as well. Bonus points if it's a king or California king size that won't fit in the washer.

Best regards,

Amara, Athena, Aphrodite
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on October 08, 2012, 10:47:30 PM
Dear Moose,

You do not meet the height and weight requirements to assist me in giving the dog a bath, given that you are approximately the same size as his head.

Furthermore, your attempts to both hang off the shower hose and swat the dog while I was performing his ablutions were cute, but met with the logical result that you got very, very wet...and yet, you came back and did it again a minute later!

I'm beginning to worry about your learning capabilities.

Love,
The nanny.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on October 12, 2012, 06:54:56 AM
Dear Cat

When you see me outside of the house I am not lost.  It was very sweet of you to alert me that you had found me by yowling and leading me to the front door, unfortunately I was actually going out so there was no need for you to take me to the front door, especially as you disappeared into a bush as soon as I opened the door.

Love
Snooks
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on October 18, 2012, 06:37:14 PM
Tyra kitty,
The doorbell is not a cat electroshock device and you adore DH.  DH will not eat you, my friend will not eat you.  It was not nice to launch up and over DH's shoulder when the doorbell rang.  DH does not like having toenail gouges on his chest and back.

Please chill out and relax, sweetie.

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on October 18, 2012, 09:43:32 PM
Dear Smokey,

The kittens on the computer screen are real, but no, you cannot get to them no matter how much you stare at them and how gently you paw at the screen.  I know your dad has been talking about getting another kitten a lot but these are not the kittens you have been looking for.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Mental Magpie on October 18, 2012, 10:26:00 PM
Dear Smokey,

The kittens on the computer screen are real, but no, you cannot get to them no matter how much you stare at them and how gently you paw at the screen.  I know your dad has been talking about getting another kitten a lot but these are not the kittens you have been looking for.

I see what you did there.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on October 19, 2012, 05:54:39 AM
Dear Pris,

You are an adorable kitty, and most of the time too smart for your own good. But what the heck is with the attitude over your food?? It is your favourite. And yet every morning without fail you sneak up to it and sniff it first like I'm trying to poison you. Relax already! ::)

Love,
Mama, Kitty Couch, and Giver of Treats
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on October 19, 2012, 06:01:10 AM
Dear Pris,

You are an adorable kitty, and most of the time too smart for your own good. But what the heck is with the attitude over your food?? It is your favourite. And yet every morning without fail you sneak up to it and sniff it first like I'm trying to poison you. Relax already! ::)

Love,
Mama, Kitty Couch, and Giver of Treats

Dear Mama

You are right.  I am smart, there's no way I'm letting my guard down.  I've got my eye on you.

Love
Pris
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on October 19, 2012, 07:51:15 AM
Dear Figaro,

Why are you still nocturnal?  You don't need to hunt, you have a soft bed to sleep on, and a mum who adores you and who also needs her sleep.

However, I'm glad you were willing to meet my friends.  You now have a new uncle and aunt who think you're gorgeous.

Love, Mum, The Provider of Catnip
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: finecabernet on October 19, 2012, 09:10:52 AM
Dear Miranda,

I know you are still suffering from some kitty PTSD from your days as a street cat, but it is not necessary to follow me into the kitchen every time I walk in there and beg me for food. Especially after you've just eaten. And while your food dishes are full. Don't worry, you'll never go hungry again. It is also not necessary to taste test every single thing I eat. I prepare everything so I know each snack is safe.

Also, I love when you sleep with me at night, but please stop dive bombing on my chest at full force. You are no longer a kitten, and having your 8-pound cat running and jumping while your human is trying to read is distressing. And while we're at it, stop trying to knock the computer out of my hands. That thing is expensive!

Love, your human
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on October 25, 2012, 04:26:22 PM
Dear Stephen,

I know you like butter. I know you love adore and worship buttercream. I know when I bake you meow at my feet for it. I know I should not have turned my back for a moment, even when I'd finished.

But how did you manage to fit your head in that bowl?

Detecting the remains before it went into the wash was a nice trick, since I could have sworn there wasn't a cat in the room a second ago. Licking it until it shone was disturbing. And no, this is not now the "Stephen bowl of buttercream", so stop begging for a refill.

Please don't be sick.

Your loving chef.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on October 25, 2012, 06:59:28 PM
Dear Oscar

I am very proud of you for fighting the monster cockroach last night, for over an hour, at 2am until I figured out what in heck you were doing and disposed of the problem.  Sorry to disappoint but the bug man is coming on Monday.

Love
Mum 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on November 03, 2012, 10:37:33 PM
Dear Tribble, Princess, Moose, and Mama,

Please stop plotting to kill me.  I haven't been home much lately, but I promise I still love you and you don't need to push stuff off the high shelves onto my head.

Love,
Your slightly paranoid provider of food and petting.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Delia DeLyons on November 13, 2012, 07:46:31 PM
Dearest Lucy~

I love when you curl up under my arm and look up at me.. Extending your little paw to pat my chin so sweetly. It makes me wonder if you will be angry with me if I bring the kitty boy I saw at the shelter (and applied for) home this week... It has been just us for a while now... I wonder if you remember when you had another kitty boy roommate and friend..

I promise extra scritches every step of the way if/when you are a star feline citizen/welcoming committee memeber!

Your friend ~ Delia
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: DistantStar on November 14, 2012, 10:13:45 AM
Dear Sapphire,

First...please, please, please don't have the big C.  I will know probably for sure next week, but please please please don't.  The growth on your neck is going to go on Friday and I want that to be the end of this.  Please.

And if you are going to run under the bed when I am trying to pick you up to put you in your carrier, do yourself a favor and go under the middle of the bed to make it actually difficult to catch you.  If you lurk at the foot where you are right there when I yank up the blankets and don't even move when I kneel and grab the scuff of your neck, it's your own silly fault.  :)

(I know that's kind of serious for this thread, but the bed bit cracked me the heck up.)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: rashea on November 14, 2012, 10:25:52 AM
Dear Psy,

The door did too have to go on the house, it's getting cold. I'll put a cat door in soon. Until then, it should take you less time to go through the door than the 17+ year old dog who can barely walk. Hurry your little butt up.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JennJenn68 on November 14, 2012, 12:44:13 PM
Dear Buzz:

Please do not... um... pass gas directly into my face.  Please.  What did I do to deserve that? :o

Dear Deke:

They are not "bed mice".  They are my feet.  And it HURTS when you sink your teeth and claws in them--and it's even worse at 3 a.m..  No.  Just no.

Dear Mehitabel:

Can't you keep those two in line?  You're supposed to be top cat, for heaven's sake!  And it's MY bed.  You need to stop swearing at me when I have to change position because you've decided to park your humungous backside right between my legs.  Stop it now!

Love and rainbows,
She Who Needs To Get More Sleep
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JennJenn68 on December 22, 2012, 10:51:05 AM
Dear Buzz Brain-Dead and Deke Dum-Dum:

It's an advent calendar, and I'm getting real tired of rehanging the teensy weensy ornaments back up when the two of you decide to knock the whole flippin' thing over.  Just stop.  There's a whole basket of toys in easy reach.  Why must you attack the advent calendar?  What heinous crime did it commit?  And no, you can't have the Smarties!

Dear Mehitabel:

Get out of my pajama drawer!  There's white hair all over my dark PJs and dark hair on my light ones.  You're the only one who is multicoloured enough to be able to pull off that particular operation, although how the heck you manage to get into that drawer in the first place is beyond me.  You already have a very comfy bed.  Why must you disarrange my drawers?

Love (perhaps)
She Who Is Not Amused
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on December 22, 2012, 01:33:55 PM
Dear Max,

I'm so glad I met you and was able to bring you home, but let's get something clear.  You weigh 130lbs and you are still growing.  You really are not a lap dog.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on December 23, 2012, 01:04:59 AM
Dearest Princess,

I bought a dog bed.  For the dog.  It's adorable if you share it with him, but please, don't kick him out of it.  Again.

Love,

Your long-suffering servant



Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on December 23, 2012, 06:21:08 AM
Dear Figaro,

I love you very much, but your tendency to run around like a wild creature in the middle of the night is dangerous for both of us.  Please stop.

And while you're at it, pocket tissue packs are not toys.  Please leave them alone.

Love,

She Who Buys You Fancy Feast
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amava on December 23, 2012, 07:54:00 AM
Dear Figaro,

I love you very much, but your tendency to run around like a wild creature in the middle of the night is dangerous for both of us.  Please stop.

And while you're at it, pocket tissue packs are not toys.  Please leave them alone.

Love,

She Who Buys You Fancy Feast

Dear Figaro,

Your Fancy Feast Buyer has a point. Pocket tissue packs don't make very good toys: for some really good tissue entertainment, I would rather recommend those big boxes of them.  When you pull the tissue out, the next appears. And then the next, and the next, and the next. It is like magic, and so much fun!
If you don't have these around the house, you should make your Fancy Feast Buyer invest in a few of them as a Christmas present for you.
If the tissues are white, you can even use them to turn the house into a Winter Wonderland!

Have a great Christmas!

Love,

Helena the Labradoozy

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: misha412 on December 23, 2012, 08:37:15 AM
Dear furry hissy monsters (aka Renji and Rukia),

Do not land on my head when you two are playing. My food is my food, not yours. Stop getting all the attention from mom and dad. I was here first.

Not sure I love you,

Dagan, the top doggie
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on December 23, 2012, 08:48:39 AM
Dear Max,

I'm so thrilled to discover that you like fried egg sandwiches for breakfast as much as I do!

Love,
Your new short order cook.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on December 23, 2012, 01:12:15 PM
Dear Mikey,

You are a mooch. A ridiculous mooch. I realise this is partly my fault for ever giving you the idea that people food is good, but still - it does you no good to beg and suck up to Mama when I have no food. It just makes you look silly.

Your adoring mama.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: RebeccainGA on December 24, 2012, 08:04:34 AM
Dear Schroder - I know that OtherParent has been not feeling well lately. I know that I'm the keeper of the knowledge of how to open the refrigerator. That does NOT mean that every time OtherParent says "I think I'd like...." you get to jump on my feet and start whining, before OtherParent even decides what she'd like. Your urgency doesn't translate to me. So sorry - a lack of fruit punch isn't justification for that either.

---She who occasionally finds a hot dog with your name on it
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on December 24, 2012, 08:20:49 AM
Dear Harley,

I love you. You are my favorite child, don't tell the human that. However, shouldn't you cover up your business in the litter box? Have you lost your natural instincts? I know Daddy has tried to teach you to cover it up, and you forget after a day.

Also, why do you sit in the middle of the bed and wipe your eyes so mommy gets hit in the eye with kitty eye snot? It grosses me out.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Mischief,

I get that you are scared of everything, but why do you lay in the bookshelf on top of the books and magazines? They are getting squashed under your significant weight.

Fondly,
Mommy

Dear Aragorn (our budgie),

I know you like to freak Daddy out by clucking at your water dish. Why are you using the blind cord to hammer against your water dish? While clucking? Also, why do you keep feeding your water dish? It is not going to grow.

Fondly,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on December 24, 2012, 12:39:38 PM
Dear Cassie,

That crazy yowly-kneady-crying thing you do to my blankets is weird at the best of times. Doing it at 3 am in the morning and growling when I ask you - very politely - to cut it out is not acceptable. If this keeps up we're going to lock you out of the bedroom where there's no one to protect you from the Big Bad Kitten.

Your loving but frazzled Mom.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AlephReish on December 25, 2012, 10:20:10 PM
Darling sweet love-of-my-life Dizzy-
   I gave you the tuna juice. You got your very own plate of goodness, since Dorsey doesn't care for it. Why, oh why, did you think it was okay to stick your face in my tuna salad and start eating that, not five minutes after I gave you the tuna juice? And what is with the recent obsession with bread, brownies and pizza crusts? You get fed. Regularly. And well. So quit it!

Sincerely,
Your loving person.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on December 27, 2012, 11:52:31 AM
Dear Mischief,

I know you are fascinated by the artificial tree, but why are you eating it? The evidence is in your litter box deposits. And why are you eating coins? We found a nickel and a penny in your deposits. They went to the garbage, I was too grossed out to remove them.

Signed,
The Food Provider
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on December 27, 2012, 04:06:09 PM
Ladyknight, this would scare the living daylights out of me.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on December 27, 2012, 04:33:51 PM
If it happens again, we will schedule an emergency vet trip. I think the excitement of Christmas is to blame.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on December 27, 2012, 06:34:32 PM
If it happens again, we will schedule an emergency vet trip. I think the excitement of Christmas is to blame.

I wouldn't worry about the tree so much - my cat Mikey was a fiend for plastic garland when he was younger, and it never seemed to hurt him (the big mystery is where he kept finding it, because I stopped putting any out!). I think the pennies may be more of a problem. :-\
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on December 27, 2012, 10:30:55 PM
Kitties are just as susceptible to "Oooo!  Shiny!" as the rest of us.  I personally have had to ban styrofoam from my home, because one of my cats has a pica-thing for it.  She also ate part of a mattress once.


That being said:

Dear cats:
I'm pretty sure you are not supposed to be showing signs of pack behavior like this.  Ganging up on the neighbor's cat when he came for a visit was not appropriate! 
Love, the actual owner of the shelter-building.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: PastryGoddess on December 28, 2012, 12:55:09 AM
Dear Gretchen

You are not the boss of me!  Meowing at the top of your lungs while I'm on the phone with clients will not get you cuddles and brushes.  And stop sitting on your sister's head when you want her to move. That just gets her more cuddles with mama while you sit at my feet.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on December 28, 2012, 09:30:33 AM
Dear Boojum,

Knock it off.

Love,
We who hung the ornaments that way on purpose.

(http://i822.photobucket.com/albums/zz144/Packie_Rattie/boojum-ornaments_zps8aeee3a9.jpeg)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: missanpan on December 28, 2012, 09:36:03 AM
Dear Boojum,

Knock it off.

Love,
We who hung the ornaments that way on purpose.

(http://i822.photobucket.com/albums/zz144/Packie_Rattie/boojum-ornaments_zps8aeee3a9.jpeg)

Boojums looks so cute. But for some reason, it was Luna that was cracking me up.  It's like she's oozing "I don't care."
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on December 28, 2012, 10:07:54 AM
Dear Boojum,

Knock it off.

Love,
We who hung the ornaments that way on purpose.

(http://i822.photobucket.com/albums/zz144/Packie_Rattie/boojum-ornaments_zps8aeee3a9.jpeg)

Boojums looks so cute. But for some reason, it was Luna that was cracking me up.  It's like she's oozing "I don't care."


That's sort of her normal condition.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on December 28, 2012, 11:50:09 AM
Dear Willow,

You are diabetic.  I give you wet food and insulin twice a day.  PLEASE eat the food when I give it to you.  Having your blood sugar crash so that you go into insulin shock because you didn't eat your breakfast is NOT a Good Thing.  Kitties should not have a blood sugar reading of 38.  If we had not been at the vet's office you would have died.

Love, She Who Gives Scritches and He Who Pulls Tails
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: nuit93 on December 28, 2012, 12:36:47 PM
Dear Max:

We're very proud of you for losing those extra three pounds, thank you for staying out of your sister's food because she needs it far more than you do.  However, this does not make you any less clumsy than you were before.  Please refrain from leaping onto the headboard as you still don't seem to be able stick the landing all that well and I don't need to be surprised by having twelve pounds of confused tuxedo kitty falling on me in the middle of the night....again.

Dear Scuzzy:

You're an old lady, and very frail.  I understand why you like to bury yourself under piles of blankets.  However, I need you to understand that when I check on you, it's not to interrupt your sleep--it's to make sure I don't accidently crush you.  Oh, and to make sure you're still with us after that scare you gave me.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Mad Goat Woman on December 28, 2012, 05:03:52 PM
(Caveat: Grace is a goat)

Dear Grace,

Why did you decide that weaning your kids at two months was a brilliant way to deal with your  mastitis I'll never understand. Couldn't you have waited until I was home to do this?

Love,
The girl who tries to milk you.d
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on December 28, 2012, 05:13:20 PM
Dear Baxter (we didn't like the name he came with, so we changed it)

Running circles around me while on a leash and in water won't end well for either of us.

(this shot was taken right before he took me down)

(http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn67/mmsw1/100_1101_zps402eaba7.jpg)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on December 28, 2012, 09:06:35 PM
MMSWM:  This is the cat version of this thread :) The dog thread is...somewhere else.  I fail at search on here.

My dear cat:
Moose, you are growing into your name.  You are only half-grown and you exceeded your mother in size two months ago.  Your tail is proportionately long.  For the love of Ceiling Cat, please make sure that when you sit on the toilet seat, you don't dangle your tail inside the bowl.
Love,
The human mommy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on December 30, 2012, 12:07:40 PM
MMSWM:  This is the cat version of this thread :) The dog thread is...somewhere else.  I fail at search on here.
Here's the link: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=67534.msg1581405#msg1581405 (http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=67534.msg1581405#msg1581405)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on December 30, 2012, 12:14:28 PM
Dear Boojum,

Knock it off.

Love,
We who hung the ornaments that way on purpose.

(http://i822.photobucket.com/albums/zz144/Packie_Rattie/boojum-ornaments_zps8aeee3a9.jpeg)
You hung dangling, bright shiny, sparkling ornaments in the most enticing, "cat-provoking" display imaginable on purpose? >:D
I admit that having just one 19 y.o. cat left, and that cat is very 2-dimensional, has spoiled me.  She doesn't jump up on anything but the bed and that only because I put stairs up for her.  She doesn't chew on electrical cords or play with ornaments.  Midnight, Bootsie's sister that died a year ago, considered everything in the house to be her property and potentially a cat toy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on December 30, 2012, 12:25:46 PM
"Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.  Anything that can be pried loose is not nailed down."
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on December 30, 2012, 02:47:52 PM
Dear Mouse - I understand you "chattering" to birds.  But you are now doing the same thing to the two kittens that have visited us several times now.  I know you want to be their bestest friend EVER but you are really big and they are really small.  Stop running up to them - let them come to you.  (Strangely, the runt, is MUCH less scared of Mouse than the non runt and will now go up to him sometimes while Mouse, my 14 lb cat, cowers.)   

Dear Smokey - the kittens only visit sometimes.  Get over it.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on December 30, 2012, 03:27:52 PM
"Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.  Anything that can be pried loose is not nailed down."

We've got hooks attached to brickwork with "no more nails" tape which we cannot remove, the cats got some of them off in about a minute flat.  Makes you wonder what's in cat saliva.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on December 30, 2012, 04:03:50 PM
"Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.  Anything that can be pried loose is not nailed down."

Also, anything that actually is nailed down, but can be broken apart around the nail, is a cat toy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on December 30, 2012, 05:19:41 PM
MMSWM:  This is the cat version of this thread :) The dog thread is...somewhere else.  I fail at search on here.
Here's the link: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=67534.msg1581405#msg1581405 (http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=67534.msg1581405#msg1581405)

Ooops, now I feel sheepish  :-[

I obviously misread the title of the thread.  I thought it meant "Dear dog...Dear Cat", and was a spin off of some other thread entirely. Now I'll go take my embarrassed self into a corner.  :'(
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: magicdomino on December 30, 2012, 06:35:30 PM
MMSWM:  This is the cat version of this thread :) The dog thread is...somewhere else.  I fail at search on here.
Here's the link: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=67534.msg1581405#msg1581405 (http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=67534.msg1581405#msg1581405)

Ooops, now I feel sheepish  :-[

I obviously misread the title of the thread.  I thought it meant "Dear dog...Dear Cat", and was a spin off of some other thread entirely. Now I'll go take my embarrassed self into a corner.  :'(

Nah, just go post lots of dog "letters."   :)   It looks like no one has posted for a while, and we cat people can't have all the fun. 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on December 30, 2012, 08:08:41 PM
MMSWM:  This is the cat version of this thread :) The dog thread is...somewhere else.  I fail at search on here.
Here's the link: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=67534.msg1581405#msg1581405 (http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=67534.msg1581405#msg1581405)

Ooops, now I feel sheepish  :-[

I obviously misread the title of the thread.  I thought it meant "Dear dog...Dear Cat", and was a spin off of some other thread entirely. Now I'll go take my embarrassed self into a corner.  :'(

Nah, just go post lots of dog "letters."   :)   It looks like no one has posted for a while, and we cat people can't have all the fun. 

Yeah, cute dog posts are always a good idea!!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on December 31, 2012, 08:20:54 AM
Dear Yuki,

I swear by all that is holy you will make a cute little white New Years muff if you don't leave my bamboo bird cage alone.  I know you are only a year old and full Siamese but, it's like I tell you every day, not everything is for kitten.  Do not give me the hurt/indignant look when you get a face full of water.  It is for your own good.  I'm very sorry you got stuck behind the couch.  That will teach you to bite your brother's tail.  I know it seems like he's a lover, not a fighter, but he doesn't like it when you bite him.  He also outweighs you by 10 lbs so try not to piss him off.  I was laughing too hard to get a decent picture of him sitting on you. 

Dear Midnight,

Yes, I know you want to go outside and don't care about the white stuff on the ground, but Mommy hasn't fixed the dog door to your pen and it lets in large amounts of very cold air right by Mommy's desk.  You'll have to wait until I can figure out a way to seal the dog door with out you getting stuck outside which is what happened over the summer.  Mommy doesn't have a fur coat and would rather not have to wear nine layers so you can go stare at the squirrels.  They will be there when it's warmer and since you are not paying the electric bill you will just have to suffer.

Dear Shadow,

My water cup is mine and yes, I put ice in it.  You have 3 fountains and a water bowl and all of them keep the water cool and fresh.  I do not need to have to take the lid off my 52 oz cup each time you want a drink and stop looking at me like I ran over a kitten because there's ice in there and you don't like to lick the ice. 

Dear Lyoko,

Thanks for the snuggles every night.  Mommy loves them and you're learning to purr as loud a Shadow.  For only being 9 lbs you have an awesome purr.  Mommy brought you another Cuties box because that's your favorite snuggle bed.  The large Cuties boxes are for your brothers so please don't give me that look...you have your own and no, those big boxes don't fit you.  You are not 19lbs. Also, could you start eating the chicken like the rest of your siblings do?  You need the protein and the vet says it's better for you.  I know, I know, it seems like people food or hunting mice and you don't like to get your paws dirty, but Mommy wants you around for a very long time.

Love,
Your senior staff person and bringer of the chicken
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on January 02, 2013, 02:33:04 PM
Dear Matilda,

We thought we were over the problem of you caching food, until Daddy noticed the smell. After all, you have a fresh food, dry food, and you are not, despite your protests, starving.

The bedside table is less than three inches off the floor. How did you get your food bowl under there? And how on earth did you manage to curl up behind it? That said, the part where he edged it out and you promptly hooked a paw over the rim and started pulling it back really was adorably cute.

Regards,
Your staff.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on January 02, 2013, 07:12:12 PM
Dear Matilda,

We thought we were over the problem of you caching food, until Daddy noticed the smell. After all, you have a fresh food, dry food, and you are not, despite your protests, starving.

The bedside table is less than three inches off the floor. How did you get your food bowl under there? And how on earth did you manage to curl up behind it? That said, the part where he edged it out and you promptly hooked a paw over the rim and started pulling it back really was adorably cute.

Regards,
Your staff.

Dear Staff:
We would like to remind you that we can fit into any space which is big enough to fit our heads in - three inches is a piece of cake.  Ask our mommy about having to lift entire pieces of furniture in order to extract us from underneath...
Love,
Moose, Tribble, Princess, and our predecessors.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Dr. F. on January 03, 2013, 09:14:48 AM
(There isn't a Dear Parrot thread, so I'm putting this here...)

Dear Mango,

No, there is not a purple and grey monster eating my head, it's a HAT. Shrieking, trying to bite it and flying at it are all unnecessary (and kinda painful), so stop acting like an extra in a Hitchcock film, OK?

Beak rubs,

The provider of grapes and baby carrots
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on January 03, 2013, 09:17:10 AM
Oh! Oh! Oh!  I have a cat letter!!!!!

Dear Mo (one of my mother's barn cats)

You're a cat.  Why do you insist on a morning swim?  Cats aren't supposed to like water, yet you jump in the pool every morning and then occasionally need rescued when you can't find the steps in the shallow end. 

Love,
Your rescuer.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on January 03, 2013, 12:05:36 PM
Dear Princess,
You are like having a small child.  You managed to have a temper tantrum/panic attack last night.  The kitten DOES get to have lap time.  No need to work yourself into the kind of catatonic* terror normally reserved for vet visits.  Also, you shed bad enough normally, but when you're frightened, you seem to have mistaken yourself for an octopus, because you eject a cloud of inky black fluff.

Love,
Your apparently not-so-faithful servant.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on January 03, 2013, 08:45:34 PM
Dear Mikey,

Clinging to my leg with desperate paws until I give you treats is not good. Yes, I laughed, but it is seriously embarrassing for both of us. Please cut it out.

And BTW, don't get any ideas about feline octopi from Princess. The tentacle paws are bad enough. Screaming and shedding is only going to make me rethink giving you treats at all.

Your loving mama.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on January 03, 2013, 11:29:43 PM
Dear Mikey,

Clinging to my leg with desperate paws until I give you treats is not good. Yes, I laughed, but it is seriously embarrassing for both of us. Please cut it out.

And BTW, don't get any ideas about feline octopi from Princess. The tentacle paws are bad enough. Screaming and shedding is only going to make me rethink giving you treats at all.

Your loving mama.

The Princess comes complete with bonus "sandspur" feature - somehow, no matter how you position her, she manages to have at least one pointy end sticking into your skin. 

However, the kitten (Moose) is the leg-clinger in my house.  He doesn't even want treats - just attention!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on January 03, 2013, 11:39:28 PM
Dear Gizmo,

It is 40 degrees celsius outside (approx. 104 degrees fahrenheit). I love you dearly but this is one time when I do not want a fat furry kitty sitting on any part of me for obvious reasons (well they're obvious to me anyway).

Please stop pouting and just curl up in the nice patch of sunshine on the stairs and recharge your solar panels until it cools down okay?

Thank you.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: BarensMom on January 04, 2013, 12:20:09 PM
Dear Tom:

Okay, we made a bed for you on our porch since you won't go home.  I give you water, wet food, and treats; I've talked to your real family and I know they're feeding you, so stop acting like you're starved every time I open the door.

While I appreciate you keeping all the other cats away from our yard, stop fighting with the orange cat.  He isn't doing you any harm and I don't like cleaning up the clumps of orange fur. 

Also, please stop shaking yourself next to my front door - I just spent 20 minutes on my hands and knees cleaning off your dirty spots.

Signed,

Not your Owner



Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on January 04, 2013, 01:18:56 PM
Likewise,

Dear Moose,
Stop begging the neighbors for food!  You have tons of it at home.  Not that you'd know that from your behavior, considering that you happily chow down on anything placed in front of you, until your little ADHD kitty brain gets distracted with a butterfly and wanders off.

Love,
Actually your owner.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: BarensMom on January 07, 2013, 11:24:18 AM
Dear Tom,

Addendum:

Please also stop fighting with the black cat, the grey and white cat, and the tuxedo cat, especially when it's 1 o'clock in the bleeping morning.  Your food bowl safely is inside, so they can't steal from you.  With all the fur flying, the front yard looks like a stuffed animal exploded.  Cut it out, for diety's sake!

Again,

Not your Owner

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on January 07, 2013, 11:28:36 AM
Dear Jack,

Stop helping.

(http://i822.photobucket.com/albums/zz144/Packie_Rattie/285ABB6D-088F-48FE-B81B-20BF4C56EE88-1259-0000022C0731E782.jpg)

Love,
The Provider of Boxes
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bluhairfreak on January 08, 2013, 11:18:47 AM
Dear Patch
  How is it that Rocky the 17lb behemoth can jump softly into my lap for snuggles and yet skinny 10lb you land like a bomb went off? 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on January 08, 2013, 01:17:25 PM
Dear Tigger, Scout and Mo,

You are working cats.  Your job is to keep pesky critters out of the house.  We appreciate the good job you do when it comes to mice, rats and small iguanas, however, you need to do a better job with reptiles.  I never, ever want to have to trap a snake again.

Love,

Your provider of ear scritches and food.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 08, 2013, 01:56:02 PM
Dear Peggy:

I know you got overfed while I was away over Christmas.  I promise I will feed you twice a day, like always.  You don't need to scarf all the food down the second it hits the bowl.

Dear Sassy:

If you can't be nice, leave Peggy alone!  I'm tired of picking up large tufts of fur.

The one with the food and the broom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Shoo on January 08, 2013, 02:03:31 PM
Dear Sissy Cat (aka Buddy),

You are a masterful pianist, but we may need to get you a booster chair.

(http://i1277.photobucket.com/albums/y496/tmitchell99/Sissy%20and%20Tiger/Buddyplayingpiano_zps3a527799.jpg)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Tea Drinker on January 08, 2013, 03:48:02 PM
Dear Julian,

I know you want me to make tea so you can have a drop of cream, but don't try to stand on the stove to watch the kettle boil.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Silversurfer on January 08, 2013, 05:55:38 PM
Dear Yoshi,
Please dont ever use the back of my head as a springboard when you jump of the bathroom windowsill while i am cleaning my teeth again. Ever.

Grumpy owner.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 10, 2013, 10:25:57 AM
Dear Sassy:

Thank you so much for not scratching at my door and yowling last night.  I'm sure putting the spray bottle of water in front of the door last night had nothing to do with it.

Signed,
The Intimidator, who got her first decent night's sleep in weeks.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Cutenoob on January 10, 2013, 07:25:04 PM
Dear Ivory:
I'm so glad that you snuggle with me. Your fur is so so soft and clean. But you are taking my best pillow. Cease and desist.
I promise I'll give you this pillow when I get my new one.

Love,
Pillow Supply Unit
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on January 10, 2013, 08:28:09 PM
Dear Smudge,

You had already been out this morning, you knew it was cold and snowing.  I wanted you to stay inside and warm while I was gone for a couple of hours.  Why did you persist in darting out and refusing to be caught?  It's not my fault that you were freezing your little kitty butt off when I got home. Giving me the "poor little frozen kitty" look doesn't work too well.  It was YOUR idea.  (Note, she was sitting on the covered porch on the entry mat when I came home, so she was out of the weather.)

Love,
Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on January 10, 2013, 11:41:04 PM
Dear kitties,

I can generally only pick up and carry one of you at once, due to squirming/fighting.  Ergo, if you'd like some dinner, please move yourselves into the house under your own power when I open the door for you.  Kitties who remain outside run the risk of having their share of the food eaten by the dog.

Love,
The food supplier.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: PastryGoddess on January 11, 2013, 03:41:42 AM
Dear Gretchen,

There is only one Brush of Love.  You have to share it.  Please do not sit all 17 pounds on your sisters head when she is getting her share of love.  You have to wait your turn like everyone else.

Love,

Your Staff
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on January 11, 2013, 04:21:13 AM
Dear Smudge,

You had already been out this morning, you knew it was cold and snowing.  I wanted you to stay inside and warm while I was gone for a couple of hours.  Why did you persist in darting out and refusing to be caught?  It's not my fault that you were freezing your little kitty butt off when I got home. Giving me the "poor little frozen kitty" look doesn't work too well.  It was YOUR idea.  (Note, she was sitting on the covered porch on the entry mat when I came home, so she was out of the weather.)

Love,
Mom

Mine does that, but it tends to be rain rather than snow.  I usually get met at the corner of the house (heading for the back door) with the angry "Where do you think you've been?" yowl.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 11, 2013, 05:18:42 PM
Dear Sassy:

When you feel the need to cough up a hairball, could you please do ALL your yaking in the same general vicinity?  Cleaning up 3 separate piles was not fun.  And maybe this should go in the gross out thread, too, because I almost added to the worst pile.   :P

Also, please respect the spray bottle of doom and stay away from my bedroom door at night.  It worked the first night; why didn't it work last night?

Signed,
The nauseated and sleep deprived one
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on January 12, 2013, 03:36:13 PM
Dear Willow

It is January 12th.  The Christmas tree has been up since December 8th. It is time for it to come down.  You will just have to go back sleeping under my bed. Chewing us out because we took it down will not have any effect whatsoever.

Love,
the staff
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on January 15, 2013, 06:33:04 PM
Dear Mischief,

I am sorry you are suddenly not feeling well. I didn't realize that whistling sound was coming from you and I apologize for laughing.

The human
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: geekette on January 16, 2013, 03:26:00 AM
Dear Kitty #3,
I know you dislike going to the vet, but that's no excuse for using her shoulder as springboard to get to the windowsill. Its giving Kitty #2 ideas, and he's big enough that he can probably push out the flyscreen after you've pried the window open.

Love,
Human #1
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on January 17, 2013, 01:12:13 AM
Dear Moose,
I promise I didn't die last week.  I was just sick.  You can detach from my leg sometime soon, please.  I really cannot emphasis how much I don't need your company in and immediately after the shower, as the addition of wet cat hair to my bathing routine is counterproductive. 

Love,
Mommy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on January 17, 2013, 02:03:07 PM
Dear Moose,
I promise I didn't die last week.  I was just sick.  You can detach from my leg sometime soon, please.  I really cannot emphasis how much I don't need your company in and immediately after the shower, as the addition of wet cat hair to my bathing routine is counterproductive

Love,
Mommy.
Before we lost the real Midnight Kitty, she loved to come into the bathroom right after I got out of the shower.  She liked licking my wet legs (which felt weirdly wonderful), then rubbing against them.  DH said she was adding a light dusting of cat fur to make sure any cats I met throughout the day would know that I already belonged to another cat.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on January 17, 2013, 06:22:01 PM
Dear Moose,
I promise I didn't die last week.  I was just sick.  You can detach from my leg sometime soon, please.  I really cannot emphasis how much I don't need your company in and immediately after the shower, as the addition of wet cat hair to my bathing routine is counterproductive

Love,
Mommy.
Before we lost the real Midnight Kitty, she loved to come into the bathroom right after I got out of the shower.  She liked licking my wet legs (which felt weirdly wonderful), then rubbing against them.  DH said she was adding a light dusting of cat fur to make sure any cats I met throughout the day would know that I already belonged to another cat.

I wish Moose would stick to licking me - he also nibbles a little when I'm wet.  And that whole sentence belongs in the "Things that sound dirty but aren't" thread.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on January 18, 2013, 03:01:40 PM
Dear Matilda,
Mummy works from home. This means that while she is in the house she is not available to stroke you. So please stop sitting on my feet radiating purring guilt from knee height.

Dear Stephen,
This goes double for you with the extra clause that when you have been playing in the snow and want a warm place to melt it all off, Mummy's lap is not ideal, no matter how tempting you think it looks. At 7 kilos you create a lot of snowmelt. Mummy's PC doesn't like that. Nor does Mummy.

Regards,
Your (dripping wet and guilt-tripped) owner
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Julian on January 20, 2013, 06:16:31 PM
Dear Salem

We have a fairly large home.  There are three queen size beds, two lounges, four (yes, four, count them!) recliner chairs and I think at last count around 5 pet beds and your own little soft 'kennel' style bed.  And the Kitty Taj Mahal, aka scratching post palace.  Plenty of places for four little furry critters to snooze. 

So why, oh why, do you insist on kipping on the pile of clean towels in the bathroom? 

Love
your frustrated feeder.

PS , while we're talking about feeding...  two square meals a day is sufficient.  You are not starving.  Just because somebody goes into the kitchen doesn't mean it's dinner time.  And get your tail out of my food!

PPS stop eating Morty's food.  See above.

PPPS You can both stop bringing in the wild rabbits from next door.  At once.  I know you think it's funny when the dogs get in trouble for 'playing' with what you leave, but seriously, it is not nice for the humans who have to manage the aftermath.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on January 20, 2013, 06:31:28 PM
Dear Moose,
I love you lots, but some privacy in the shower would be nice.  Also, you're weird.  Did your mother drop you on the head as a kitten?

Dear Moose's Mama (aka Baby Girl)
I find it amusing that you are willing to just be picked up and added to the pile of stuff I'm carrying inside, in order that you might be fed sooner rather than later.  I might as well be carrying a barely-stuffed toy around for how very chill you were just sitting on top of the armload of stuff I was already carrying.

Dear Princess,
I do not want to hold you in my lap every.time I sit down.  Especially since that includes the times I am "using the litterbox."  Ahem.  Especially those times.

Dear Tribble,
Good boy.  Please continue behaving.  Also thank you for being smarter than the other ones and realizing that you can actually get back into the house the same way you got out.  You are both pretty and smart!

Love, Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JoW on January 20, 2013, 07:32:04 PM
Dear Sassy, Sam, and Dax
I know there are 3 of you and only 1 of me.  But you have a combined weigh of about 40 lbs.  All alone I weigh more than 3 times that.  We do not each get 1/4 of the bed.  I get half.  The 3 of you get to share the other half.  Try to remember that.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on January 20, 2013, 08:50:12 PM
Dear Sassy, Sam, and Dax
I know there are 3 of you and only 1 of me.  But you have a combined weigh of about 40 lbs.  All alone I weigh more than 3 times that.  We do not each get 1/4 of the bed.  I get half.  The 3 of you get to share the other half.  Try to remember that.

Your kitties are willing to give up a whole quarter of the bed?   >:D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JoW on January 21, 2013, 06:55:21 AM
Dear Sassy, Sam, and Dax
I know there are 3 of you and only 1 of me.  But you have a combined weigh of about 40 lbs.  All alone I weigh more than 3 times that.  We do not each get 1/4 of the bed.  I get half.  The 3 of you get to share the other half.  Try to remember that.

Your kitties are willing to give up a whole quarter of the bed?   >:D
I woke up today at 4am to go to the bathroom.  Sassy was at the foot of the bed, Sam was at my knees, Dax was up against the spare pillow.  All 3 were on their half of the bed.  By the time I got back Dax and Sam had moved and the 3 of them were arranged in a perfect diagonal across the bed. 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on January 21, 2013, 07:16:19 AM
Dear Sassy, Sam, and Dax
I know there are 3 of you and only 1 of me.  But you have a combined weigh of about 40 lbs.  All alone I weigh more than 3 times that.  We do not each get 1/4 of the bed.  I get half.  The 3 of you get to share the other half.  Try to remember that.

Your kitties are willing to give up a whole quarter of the bed?   >:D
I woke up today at 4am to go to the bathroom.  Sassy was at the foot of the bed, Sam was at my knees, Dax was up against the spare pillow.  All 3 were on their half of the bed.  By the time I got back Dax and Sam had moved and the 3 of them were arranged in a perfect diagonal across the bed.

If you ask them I'm sure they'll tell you that you still had half the area of the bed.  They're probably bemoaning the fact that their human must have been off school the day they did splitting shapes in half in different ways.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on January 21, 2013, 06:30:23 PM
It still amazes me that my tiny 8 pound cat can occupy more than 1/4 of a king size bed.  She'll start out at my feet, then magically keep oozing up and in until she is somewhere between my knee and hip and pushing me off the edge of the bed.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on January 21, 2013, 07:12:25 PM
It still amazes me that my tiny 8 pound cat can occupy more than 1/4 of a king size bed.  She'll start out at my feet, then magically keep oozing up and in until she is somewhere between my knee and hip and pushing me off the edge of the bed.

We call that squinching in our house.   It is a combination of squeezing and inching.  We have since found out that it means something entirely different...but the word remains for DH and I.   ;)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on January 21, 2013, 10:01:53 PM
My babies must be unusually polite about that.  Carmen (about 7 lbs) takes the other pillow while Figaro (about 12 lbs) sleeps at the foot of the bed on the same side.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on January 21, 2013, 10:20:10 PM
Two out of three of mine insist on sleeping on me somewhere.  The adult cat just drapes herself over me wherever she feels like it - the kitten paws and meows at me until I arrange my position to his liking.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amara on January 22, 2013, 11:22:09 AM
Memo

To: Amara, Athena, Aphrodite
From: The Staff AKA Mom AKA Killer of Food Cans AKA Cleaner of Sandbox
Re: New Comforter
Date: January 22, 2013

Thank you for admiring my taste in comforters. I appreciate the confirmation of my taste. I agree that the silk-like sheen and exquisite design are perfect. The mint green color is so flattering to your eyes as well, but that's not actually why I bought it. Still, it is nice.

If I may be so bold, I would like to request that you refrain from doing your favorite rolls around with claws out. Your ability to draw threads out is ... uncanny. Also, throwing up your dinner (and breakfast and lunch) whenever you feel a need is not something to be done on the comforter. I have laminate wood flooring for a reason; please use that. And while I am not happy with the addition of bits of cat litter I realize that your paws need to dispense the excess somewhere so I am (grumpily) willing to accept that some will end up here. I'll deal with it. Just, please, do not make me deal with vomit, hairballs or--Aphrodite, I am speaking to you--an occasional message turd if you think I have not hastened with sufficient speed to clean the sandbox.

I like this comforter. In fact, I love it. So I request, with all due respect, adoration, and admiration, that you let me enjoy it as it is now.

Mom (the dispatcher of cans and used litter)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on January 22, 2013, 01:54:39 PM
My Harley (all 9 pounds of him) must have Lonely Butt Syndrome tm. LBS causes one to lie at a 45 degree angle from one's human companion at that time. The butt in question must be within one inch of that companion.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on January 22, 2013, 03:35:05 PM
Two out of three of mine insist on sleeping on me somewhere.  The adult cat just drapes herself over me wherever she feels like it - the kitten paws and meows at me until I arrange my position to his liking.
The real Midnight Kitty let me put my head on a corner of my pillow.  She was quite generous for a Princess.  Bootsie, her sister, lay at my feet.

After the real MK passed in Dec. 2011, Bootsie stepped up to be "The Cat."  Now she sleeps on my pillow.  Bootsie will wrap herself around my head, then lay her head on top of my head and purr.  We call her my "cat hat."  It felt funny at first to be used as a cat pillow, but I am starting to to enjoying it. ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 22, 2013, 03:58:23 PM
Dear Sassy:

You are not that big of a cat; you only weigh about 11 pounds.  How do you manage to sound like a herd of elephants is running through my house at way too early in the morning?

Signed,
The Sleep Deprived One.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Tea Drinker on January 22, 2013, 08:17:02 PM
The real Midnight Kitty let me put my head on a corner of my pillow.  She was quite generous for a Princess.  Bootsie, her sister, lay at my feet.

After the real MK passed in Dec. 2011, Bootsie stepped up to be "The Cat."  Now she sleeps on my pillow.  Bootsie will wrap herself around my head, then lay her head on top of my head and purr.  We call her my "cat hat."  It felt funny at first to be used as a cat pillow, but I am starting to to enjoying it. ;D

Julian does that. It's fine except when he decides to wash me in the middle of the night. A purring cat may be soporific: a raspy cat tongue on my forehead is not.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on January 22, 2013, 09:17:39 PM
Julian does that. It's fine except when he decides to wash me in the middle of the night. A purring cat may be soporific: a raspy cat tongue on my forehead is not.

I'll up the ante on that one.  My "cat hat", the late lovely Tasha Kitty, liked to lick eyelids...and nostrils.  I miss her a lot.  :'(
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on January 23, 2013, 05:10:14 AM
My boy licks elbows, occasionally DH's back, but always elbows.  We don't let the cats sleep in our room because they think 3am is an appropriate time to wake us/me up with a nose in the mouth.

I'm sure I've told this before but when I lived at home I would kick the cat out before I went to bed (no idea why because he'd wake my parents before me) but when my parents were away I'd sleep with the door open just incase the cats wanted out in the night.  One morning one of the cats came into my room and started meowing for his breakfast, having already opened my eyes once I knew I had 5-10 minutes before my alarm went off and I was not getting out of bed/opening my eyes again before it went off.  The meowing continued and eventually I gave in and opened my eyes to give the cat a talking to expecting to find him sitting on the floor only to find him nose to nose with me sitting beside me on the bed (I swear he threw his voice).  I exclaimed in shock, he jumped off the bed equally shocked to have been "aarghed" at at close range, then sat down in the middle of the floor and meowed again, I admitted defeat and got up two minutes before my alarm and fed him.

That cat's brother would yowl outside the room DH slept in when he came to visit, DH would get up to let him in and the cat would dash past him and fall asleep in the middle of the single bed.  Frequently we'd get up and find DH contorted in all sorts of positions so as to not disturb the cat. 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MonteCristo on January 23, 2013, 11:01:54 AM
Dear Lyla,
My opening a book is not an invitation for you to climb up my chest to try and sit on my face.  You have always been the kitty I have to chase down just to give you a daily pet, but something about me reading a book seems to attract you.  Mommy would be thrilled to have you curl up on her lap for pets while reading, but please stay out of my face. 

Alexei,
I know you like to join in whenever I do something, but sometimes it is just ridiculous.  No, you will not be able to catch Mario, so you might as well stop trying.  Also, it is very hard to play the piano when you keep jumping on the keys.  And I certainly don't need your help while cooking...I'm perfectly capable of stirring soup without your assistance.  Go play with Sydney for a bit.

Sydney,
Ok, so you are a dog, but seriously stop stepping on me while I'm doing shavasana...it makes it really hard to relax when a 40lb lab might step on your stomach at any moment! 

Love,
Mommy, the provider of treats.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Layla Miller on January 23, 2013, 02:05:38 PM
Dear Bamf,

You spend 97% of every day ignoring us unless you either want a lap to sit on or think you're getting a treat out of it.  So why, oh why do you start wailing for attention the moment we shut the door and go to bed?  You had fifteen hours to spend time with us, and you chose not to.  Pardon me for not being sympathetic for your sudden need to see us.

Also, stop pawing at the door the moment the sun comes up.  The only thing coming out that door if it opens is the squirt bottle.  So stop already.  We'll all be happier.

Love,

The One With a Warm Lap and Opposable Thumbs
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on January 23, 2013, 04:27:15 PM
Dear Mo,

I know you find it hysterical, but it's really not funny when you climb up a tree then jump on the back of the passing Mastiff.  Mastiffs don't usually like cats, but for some reason he tolerates you and your brothers, so lets not ruin this.

Love,
The person who's trying really hard not to laugh at your antics.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: geekette on January 24, 2013, 12:15:55 AM
Dear Kitty#1,
Your "oh dear, I am a poor, old arthritic cat who can only climb the stairs very. very. very. slowly and need someone to pick me up and carry me" routine would be much more convincing if I did not see you leap 1.5 meters from your cat tower (after climbing said cat tower) to the top of the kitchen table - which is higher than your cat tower, I might add - last night when Geek-bro left his dinner on it.

Much love,
Human #1
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Julian on January 25, 2013, 07:21:40 PM
Dear Milly, it is now one year since you left us.  One year in two days till I found you again, although by then you were beyond help, which is what I think you wanted.

You're still very much missed, baby girl.  You will always be my sweet little Princess.

your sad mum. xx
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on January 26, 2013, 01:29:33 PM
(((Millie's Mom)))

We will always miss the real Midnight Kitty and Novalee, my husband's therapy horse who died 2 weeks ago.  We try to remember how blessed we were to have them in our lives.  Midnight was with us for almost 18 years; Novalee for only one.  It's always too short.

Remember the good times and don't close your heart to the possibility of another love.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Julian on January 26, 2013, 03:04:56 PM
(((Midnight Kitty)))

I'm so sorry to hear of your recent loss.

It's hard when our little furry ones (and larger furry ones) cross the rainbow bridge.  I've been blessed with the animals I've had.  Dear old Bruce, the Bestest Cat Evah, passed around 13 years ago, and I still miss him and his antics.  He was a stray that turned up one day and stayed.  Milly was another stray who was adopted after Max, a dear little black kitty, died in a tree fall.  His brother, Morty, who I still have, was stressing and grieving.  Milly helped him move on.  She fell in love with him at first sight and pursued him till he caved.  Took about 36 hours before she held him down and bathed him, and he was twice her size. 

I'm lucky enough to still have Morty and Salem, and my two gorgeous naughty dogs, Molly and Suzi.  There's always room in my heart for more critters, I'd be the mad cat lady in a flash!  In fact, I feel especially honoured by the fact that my furry babies allow me to share their my house with them!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on January 31, 2013, 03:55:35 PM
Dear Arthur,

 I know you are the new guy around here.  So let me explain a few things:

1). We feed you a good quality food.   We do not share our food with you.  You were clearly fed from the table wherever you were before.  That will not happen here. 
2). Related to item 1.   We feed you good quality food.  Every other cat we have owned has been less stinky on this diet.  If you are currently a less stinky boy, you must have cleared entire counties when you were living on the street and when your previous people fed you people food.  And not burying things does not help.
3). Harry is endlessly patient with you.  He still misses his friend Bob.  But he gets fed up with you trying to tell him what to do and sits on you.  Seriously Big Guy, quit ticking off the really big guy. 
4). The scratching posts are not evil.  Try them.  I am glad you don't scratch the furniture-but I would be a lot more comfortable that things are going to stay that way if you would use the stuff we have bought for that purpose.
5). Every cat I have ever lived with has kind of a low moan of a meow when they are about to hack something up.  The fact that your normal meow sounds like that kind of freaks us out!
6). Other than the stinky butt and the attempts to dominate Harry (which are failing miserably), you are a very good boy and we are glad you have come to live with us (though how such a good boy ended up on the street is a mystery) even if Harry isn't quite sure yet.    ;D

Love,
She Who Doesn't Give You People Food

PS-Artie has been with us since November.  He is a complete lovebug, and he and Harry mostly ignore each other.   Harry just gets annoyed when Artie tries to run things. 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on January 31, 2013, 05:08:13 PM
Dear Harley,

You are senior cat, first in charge. Daddy was very hurt that you refused to even try the cat water fountain he bought you. Instead, you yowled at our bedroom door for us to fix you a plastic cup of water. One week later, he gave in and got you a gravity feeder that is only for you. I am glad you deign to use it.

Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on January 31, 2013, 05:46:23 PM
Dear Pris,

It was an adorable (and emotional) moment when you sat in the kitchen doorway and talked to me on the second day I got you. It is still semi-sort-of-adorable when you sit and tell me about your day or the state of the water dish/cuddle situations.

It is not at ALL adorable when you scream in my ear when I am sleeping. Just not. The fact that you have not had a cuddle in the whole five freakin' minutes that I've been asleep does not justify the screaming. Nor does your inability to pick a cuddle spot!

For the thirty millionth time, why can't you just sit down and be quiet like a normal cat!?!?

Your loving, sleep-deprived mama
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on January 31, 2013, 09:49:58 PM
Dear Scooter,

I am very honored when you decide to have a rare cuddle with me.  I even enjoy it when you curl up on my stomach when we are in bed.  Why on earth did you decide that you had to jump up on my bladder TWICE last night sometime after o-dark-thirty.
You have never done that before and I hope you don't do it again.  Cuddles are fine, four point landings....not so much.

Though DH does thank you for not hitting the bed at Mach 7 and not landing on his scrabble tiles, which you used to hit Every Single Time.

Love,

Your Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Julia Mercer on February 01, 2013, 01:08:12 AM
Dear Duster,

I know you want to be a mechanic like daddy, but MUST you practice under the bed where mummy sleeps, and at 5 IN THE MORNING, I would appreciate to sleep in a little bit thank you very much!

Love,

Mummy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on February 01, 2013, 01:33:44 AM
Dear Matilda,

Ok, this one is partly my fault. You do love playing with your ball in the bath, because you can slide down the sides and watch it roll in odd directions. I have recently been joining in with the odd stroke or two. So when I started running the bath this morning, it is not surprising that you thought I was bent over it for an entire different reason, and stuck your head under the tap right as I turned it on.

Your composure was impressive. I was expecting levitation and vanishing. Instead you stood very still, stared at the  puddle by your paws, and then looked up and gave me the most vocal scolding I have ever had from a cat!

Can tuna earn forgiveness?

Regards,
Mummy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on February 01, 2013, 10:02:32 AM

Though DH does thank you for not hitting the bed at Mach 7 and not landing on his scrabble tiles, which you used to hit Every Single Time.

scrabble tiles...that's just...made of awesome and I've been giggling for the last 5 min and the cats are all now looking at me like I'm a loon.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: magicdomino on February 03, 2013, 12:20:12 PM
Dear Nani,

I'm sure that mattress pad in the laundry basket was warm and cozy; that's why you curled up in the middle.  You looked so cute and comfy, big golden eyes peeking out from the shadows, that I decided to leave you there for a while, even though the mattress pad had to be washed and dried before the bed could be made. 

I played a couple of levels on a computer game.  You were still there.

I made and ate lunch.  You were still there.

Had tea and a brownie for dessert.  You were still there.

Played another level or two on the computer game.  You were still there.

Picked up the camera, that I may share your overwhelming cuteness with the world.  You popped out. 

Ah well, at least I can finish the laundry and make the bed. 


Sincerely,
The household help.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on February 04, 2013, 09:50:09 AM
Dear Paddy O'Cat,

You beg for food. You beg for attention. You beg to come in.

We give you food and water. We give you attention. We let you in.

Yet you wander aimlessly from room to room, still begging.

What do you WANT?

Love,
The Magically Manifest New Occupants of House

p.s.  shut UP!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: blue2000 on February 04, 2013, 10:07:43 AM
Dear MMNOofH,

Attention!!!! I want attention!! It has been FIVE WHOLE SECONDS since you petted me! For cryin' out loud, this cat ain't running a freebie operation here. You gotta pay the pets to get the cool location!

Sincerely,

Paddy O'Cat
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on February 04, 2013, 01:28:40 PM
Dear Paddy O'Cat,

You beg for food. You beg for attention. You beg to come in.

We give you food and water. We give you attention. We let you in.

Yet you wander aimlessly from room to room, still begging.

What do you WANT?

Love,
The Magically Manifest New Occupants of House

p.s.  shut UP!

Litter box cleaned?  That's what my little girl wants and she won't shut up about it until i go clean her box.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on February 04, 2013, 01:33:35 PM
Dear Paddy O'Cat,

You beg for food. You beg for attention. You beg to come in.

We give you food and water. We give you attention. We let you in.

Yet you wander aimlessly from room to room, still begging.

What do you WANT?

Love,
The Magically Manifest New Occupants of House

p.s.  shut UP!

Litter box cleaned?  That's what my little girl wants and she won't shut up about it until i go clean her box.

Dear Hu-man,

The Visitors haven't even given me a littler box! They seem to think that just because I'm an outdoors cat, I should use the outdoors!

Grumpily,
Paddy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MonteCristo on February 04, 2013, 02:13:09 PM
Dear Paddy O'Cat,

You beg for food. You beg for attention. You beg to come in.

We give you food and water. We give you attention. We let you in.

Yet you wander aimlessly from room to room, still begging.

What do you WANT?

Love,
The Magically Manifest New Occupants of House

p.s.  shut UP!

Litter box cleaned?  That's what my little girl wants and she won't shut up about it until i go clean her box.

Dear Hu-man,

The Visitors haven't even given me a littler box! They seem to think that just because I'm an outdoors cat, I should use the outdoors!

Grumpily,
Paddy.

Lol, when my kitties start acting crazy like that I just give them all the attention I can...brush, comb, nail clippings, washing their faces, etc...usually they are trying to get away by the time I'm finished.   >:D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on February 04, 2013, 02:59:21 PM
I think this calls for some corporal cuddling!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Craftyone on February 05, 2013, 02:29:08 AM
Dear Mischka,
Yes, mum knows the difference in sound between you clawing the settee and your scratching post.  I know you're smart enough to only use your post when I'm in view but don't try to plead innocence when I tell you off.  Roewing and rolling on your back doesn't get you off the hook.

Love your scritch giver
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Julian on February 24, 2013, 06:27:55 PM
Dear Morty

I appreciate that you're not a good traveller, and I did expect the 40 minutes of caterwauling* on the way to the vet on Saturday.  I very much appreciate that you didn't do it so much on the way home.  And I'm incredibly grateful that you only peed in your box instead of your usual messy, smelly trick.

Please understand though - you're 13, which makes you a bit of an 'old man' in the cat world, so getting your vision, blood pressure, blood and wee tests done are perfectly acceptable - don't want you getting sick like Milly did, now do we?  Thank you for being relatively patient and cooperative for most of the visit. 

The shaved spots will grow back, I promise!  And believe it or not, I think you actually shed more hair during that visit than got shaved off.

Love
the chief head scritcher.

PS please come home for dinner!

* Isn't caterwauling the most perfectly appropriate word?   ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on February 24, 2013, 09:41:55 PM
Dear Oscar

Please stop pulling books off the bookshelf at 3 in the morning (yes - I know its you!).  Aunty Jane thinks we have a poltergeist!!

Love
The one who buys you the good stuff, only to have you turn your nose up at it...
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on February 25, 2013, 07:34:30 AM
Dear Carmen,

Please stop provoking Figaro and giving him "the finger" when he can't chase you up the back of the wall unit.  Especially when that means you disturb the cable box on the way.  One of these days one of you will get hurt and your mum will be very sad.

Love,

She Who Buys You Fancy Feast
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on February 25, 2013, 09:03:22 AM
Dear Harry,
DH & I had a cunning plan.  We would let you go outside in the snow and you would hate it and quit complaining at the door.  How could such a simple plan go wrong?  I'll tell you how-you are a complete whacko and enjoyed playing in the snow.  You are a very strange boy.

(http://imageshack.us/a/img820/3009/img0697dn.jpg)

Love,
She who is NOT taking you out to play in the snow today


Dear Artie,

Cats are naturally dignified and graceful.  Except for you.  There is no universe in which flopping on you back and asking for a belly rub is dignified.  Also, you are littler than Harry.   And when you came into the shelter, you weren't underweight.  So I am not sure where your food issues come from, but we will not be feeding you every 10 minutes.  And you don't need more food than Harry.

(http://imageshack.us/a/img152/6567/arthurshowshisbelly1.jpg)

Love,
The feeding unit
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on February 25, 2013, 09:11:25 AM
Is Harry a Maine Coon or Maine Coon Mix?  Every one I've ever known has just adored playing in the snow.  My old cat Booger (RIP) would jump off a second floor balcony to get into the snow.  He was a very happy kitty for the few years we lived in North Dakota.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: magicdomino on February 25, 2013, 09:20:07 AM
Dear Koa,

The allergy vaccine drops aren't that bad.  I know, I tasted a drop just to make sure it wasn't bitter or sour.  Therefore, it makes absolutely no sense to struggle and scratch me.  I'm sure you get bruised when I have to grab you too hard, and it is scary when I chase you around the house.  It is even scarier when I get scratched and yell at you.  The spout may hurt your mouth because I have to shove it in any way I can.  If you would please just stay still and let me drop in two drops -- just two! -- the whole business would be over quickly, we would both be happier, and maybe you wouldn't itch so much.

Love,

The evil person who keeps sticking stuff in your mouth.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on February 25, 2013, 09:32:37 AM
Dear Boojum,

That's not your steak.

Love,
The Griller
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on February 25, 2013, 09:35:01 AM
Is Harry a Maine Coon or Maine Coon Mix?  Every one I've ever known has just adored playing in the snow.  My old cat Booger (RIP) would jump off a second floor balcony to get into the snow.  He was a very happy kitty for the few years we lived in North Dakota.

Maine Coon at some level.  He is a shelter boy-so best guess is at least 1/2, if not more.  He has the size, the meow, the M on his forehead, the ears and the laid-back (aka just plain bone idle) demeanor.  And loves the snow.  I wasn't aware of that one.  It kind of went like this:

Human plan:  "Harry is complaining at the door again.  It is cold out.  We will let him on the porch.  Ha Ha, we will let him out in the snow and he will hate it and he will quit meowing at the door for a couple of days."

Feline response:  "Woo hoo!"

Artie, on the other hand, just looked at us like we were nuts and ran as far away from the door as he could when he felt the blast of cold air coming in.   ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: snowfire on February 25, 2013, 10:26:15 AM
My late kitty Big Red was also a shelter boy with a healthy dose of Maine Coon.  When he would be outdoors and rain would start he wouldn't even notice except for flicking his ears.  His coat was so thick that the undercoat really never got wet.  He also liked to play in the snow.  I've got a picture somewhere of him just happily strolling along in chest deep snow with his big floofy tail happily waving in the air.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on February 25, 2013, 10:47:31 AM
Maine Coons are built/adapted for the Maine environment.  They have a thick undercoat that keeps them warm and a floofy overcoat that repels water.  They have more fur on their bellies to insulate against the snow and less fur on their backs so as not to get snagged in the thick underbrush of a Maine forest. They're big and hearty in order to survive in a cold climate and fight against predators common to the area.

They're also the best cats ever, but I might be a little biased.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on February 25, 2013, 10:48:46 AM
When he would be outdoors and rain would start he wouldn't even notice except for flicking his ears.  His coat was so thick that the undercoat really never got wet. 
I know this is OT, but my mare, Misty, has always lived in a pasture with trees for shelter.  I took her out Friday afternoon and it started pouring.  The rain bothered her - a LOT! She really didn't like it in her face, but she carefully trotted (on the now slippery ground) back to her pasture.  I let her go and she ran through the downpour to join the herd snuggled together under a big tree.

I thought a horse that lived outside in all types of weather would not be so sensitive to rain.  She has a nice winter coat.  She's a Hawaiian born and raised horse, so her winter coat is not as heavy as a Mainland horse, but I noticed her belly is always dry because the guard hairs on her back deflect the water.  There are no guard hairs on her face which is probably why she pinned her ears back and squinted, trying to angle her face away from the force of the heavy rain.  It just looked like she was giving the rain "stink eye." ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on February 25, 2013, 10:53:01 AM
Just so you know that Harry's not the only one:

(http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn67/mmsw1/100_0201.jpg)

And to make you feel a bit better about Artie:

(http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn67/mmsw1/bathmat_zps77702fd7.jpg)

That particular photo earned Booger the nickname "Bathmat, with ears", or just Sir Bathmat.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on February 25, 2013, 10:54:35 AM
I just bought a bathmat almost exactly the same color, but solid, not nicely tiger striped, and missing the ears, of course.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on February 25, 2013, 11:11:09 AM
When Jack was a catolescent, he really really really really wanted to go out. Out out out!  We wanted him to be an indoor cat. So when we got a snowstorm (a foot of snow), we let him out, figuring he would decide that outdoors was cold and nasty, and he'd quit asking.

He loved it.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on February 25, 2013, 11:17:15 AM
Dear Izzy:

You are now a well fed housecat living the life of Riley.  You no longer have to scrounge in dumpsters to eat  :'(.  So knock off the counter surfing, stealing the teenage humanoid's chicken, and tearing up bags of bread.

Also, the vet is impressed by your tripod jumping abilities.

Dear Gracie:

It's not fair on your brother to play "tag" by standing just out of reach, so he's pathetically waving his stump.  So stop that, even if I hate myself for laughing like a loon.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on March 13, 2013, 06:04:07 PM
Dear Stephen,

I know you are a rescue cat, and as such sometimes have bad dreams. I know that you need to be woken from these occassional nightmares or you are twitchy and depressed for hours. After last night I also know that I need better reflexes.

Lashing out against the dream monster is not your normal response, but I admire your quick reflexes. Had it been a dream monster, you would certainly have killed it. Unfortunately you then realised it was mummy's hand and proceeded to cling on firmly, headbump it repeatedly and rub your nose over it.  I am sorry I was not more enamoured of thse affections, but it was getting blood over your nose - my blood to be precise.

Don't get a taste for it.

On the other hand you have been very apologetic all day, and you're too cute to be angry with.

Yours,
The staff (who will be waking you at distance with a feather duster next time)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on March 13, 2013, 09:38:29 PM
Dear Stephen,

I know you are a rescue cat, and as such sometimes have bad dreams. I know that you need to be woken from these occassional nightmares or you are twitchy and depressed for hours. After last night I also know that I need better reflexes.

Lashing out against the dream monster is not your normal response, but I admire your quick reflexes. Had it been a dream monster, you would certainly have killed it. Unfortunately you then realised it was mummy's hand and proceeded to cling on firmly, headbump it repeatedly and rub your nose over it.  I am sorry I was not more enamoured of thse affections, but it was getting blood over your nose - my blood to be precise.

Don't get a taste for it.

On the other hand you have been very apologetic all day, and you're too cute to be angry with.

Yours,
The staff (who will be waking you at distance with a feather duster next time)

 ;D lovely writing - I can picture the whole event in my head!   ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on March 14, 2013, 08:37:19 AM
Dear Harley,

I don't know how it happened, or why I didn't wake up during the episode, but I very much would appreciate you not horking hairballs and puke onto the quilt. I put my hand in it this morning, and it messed up my whole day.

Love,

The giver of chin and forehead scratches.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on March 14, 2013, 12:01:47 PM
Dear Harley,

I don't know how it happened, or why I didn't wake up during the episode, but I very much would appreciate you not horking hairballs and puke onto the quilt. I put my hand in it this morning, and it messed up my whole day.

Love,

The giver of chin and forehead scratches.
Not to mention the poor quilt!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on March 14, 2013, 04:32:31 PM
We are hoping the washer and treatments get it all out.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amara on March 14, 2013, 05:37:49 PM
I feel for you, ladyknight. One of mine threw up her dinner on my expensive gold and black comforter. The smell was so awful, and it wouldn't come out. I ended up throwing the comforter and matching shams in the trash. I was not happy.

They've also hit the sofa (rarely) and the rugs (semi-regularly). Fingers are crossed for the new comforter, but I suspect some day ...
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on March 14, 2013, 06:53:00 PM
Why, oh WHY won't they puke on nice washable surfaces like the kitchen floor?  Why is it ALWAYS a soft, absorbent surface? 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on March 14, 2013, 08:07:00 PM
Less ricochet on a soft surface?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on March 14, 2013, 08:10:07 PM
I was told that cats preferred carpet and perhaps other soft surfaces, because it allows them to dig their claws in to hang on while they retch.  They can't get the same purchase on hard surfaces.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on March 15, 2013, 12:51:23 PM
We had 2 cats for almost 18 years.  We still have Bootsie, but she's 19 and failing. We replaced the carpet with a floating laminate flooring about 5 years ago.  Cats puke and hork hairballs.  It's what they do.  When we saw all the dirt caught in the carpet backing, we swore never to have cats and carpet again.  We will always have cats, hence no more carpet for us.

Midnight used to dash around the condo like it was a race course.  She would dig her claws into the carpet to make high-speed turns.  The first time she dashed around on the laminate floor, her claws slid on the floor and she spun out into the entertainment center. (This belongs in the thread on "Things You Should Not Laugh At.) She quickly learned that her pads had better purchase on the floor than her claws.  After that, we could hear her little pads squeaking as she cornered.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on March 21, 2013, 09:19:08 PM
^^ She was squealing her tires!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MizB on March 25, 2013, 09:01:51 PM
Dear Cherokee,

Now that you live only with Mr. O I realize it's been lonely. Thank you for adopting me as a pseudo mom. I love you bunches and bunches.


MizB
The giver of snuggles
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: DistantStar on March 26, 2013, 12:38:17 PM
I was told that cats preferred carpet and perhaps other soft surfaces, because it allows them to dig their claws in to hang on while they retch.  They can't get the same purchase on hard surfaces.

That makes sense, except that my cat (adopted that way, I didn't do it) is declawed on all four feet!  But she still goes for the carpet.  Maybe she still gets slightly better purchase, but it's not just the claws.

Fortunately I found a really good hork stain remover.  :)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on March 26, 2013, 12:43:47 PM
Dear Sassy and Peggy:

I'm on to you two, now.  I get home last night, 12 hours early to empty food dishes and both of you acting like you are starving to death.  So much so that I thought my friend forgot to look in on you.  Today, I find out she did look in on you and feed you appropriately.

It won't work again, my dearies.

Love, the food giver.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amara on March 26, 2013, 01:14:37 PM
Quote
Fortunately I found a really good hork stain remover.

You are going to share the name, yes?   :)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Brat on March 26, 2013, 01:20:02 PM
Dear Chewy,

No, I will not tell your brother to stop grabbing your tail and yanking it while you are trying to get my attention.  It is well deserved payback for all of the times you grabbed him by his collar and dragged him up to the perimeter of the invisible fence just so that you could watch him jump and twist and make a funny noise.  I'm glad that switching your collars took care of that, but he is still allowed his payback.... 

Love,
Momma
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on March 26, 2013, 03:26:29 PM
Dear Sassy and Peggy:

I'm on to you two, now.  I get home last night, 12 hours early to empty food dishes and both of you acting like you are starving to death.  So much so that I thought my friend forgot to look in on you.  Today, I find out she did look in on you and feed you appropriately.

It won't work again, my dearies.

Love, the food giver.
Our cats would do this within two hours.  DD2 and I were supposed to trade off giving the cats their evening wet food.  I'd do it before I went to bed at 10, and she would do it after she got in from work at midnight.  She was always greeted by cats at the door, cats who had been fed but insisted that they were staaaaaaaaaaaarving!  And if she didn't remember whose turn it was, she fed them.  (They always had dry kibble down, so even if they hadn't been fed wet food, starvation was not imminent.)

We finally worked out a code.  If the light over the stove was on, she was to feed them.  If it was off, I'd fed them.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on March 26, 2013, 03:32:23 PM
Dear Mo, Scout and Tigger,

We do not need armed sentries on the roof of the house.  The dog is quite good at chasing off intruders without directions from the roof-top look outs.  Also, the nursery workers aren't intruders until they actually leave the nursery and cross onto our property.

Love,
The giver of ear scritches
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on March 26, 2013, 03:40:17 PM
Rocky,

I have already talked to Smokey asking him to have patience with you and your brother as you are both still active kittens and to stop hissing at you.  But if you keep running up to him and try to eat off the same plate as him - I'm not going to scold him if he hisses at you.  You have your own plate of food.  Not that the hissing bothers you - you just keep doing whatever you feel like but it scares your brother Leo so try to not be SO bold okay?
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on March 26, 2013, 05:08:51 PM
Dear Harley,

I know it was horrible torture for you to be left alone with the other creatures while the humans went to work. Why did you have to blast me with a deafening howl when I came home?

Dear Harley and Biscuit,

It is beautiful weather today, so I opened the windows. What about the fresh air made you stampede up and down the stairs at breakneck speed?

Love,

Mummy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: StarDrifter on March 26, 2013, 11:00:43 PM
My darling Archie,

I am aware that, inside your feline brain, I am not a different species, I am, in fact, a large, hairless cat who is incompetent at keeping herself fed and cleaned, and thus you feel the need to lick me regularly and also to leave dead things at each of my doors, so that I can be fed.

However.

I do *not* appreciate it when you decide that the appropriate response, while you are purring at and nuzzling into my belly and the baby in there kicks at you, is to swipe at said baby.

Yeah. Four nasty claw marks right next to my belly button because Baby kicked right where Archie was rubbing his face on my t-shirt - the shirt itself is fine, just punctured but not torn, though the skin underneath is bleeding.

So *someone* is now shut in the laundry while I disinfect and cover up the scratches. Here's hoping that they heal okay!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: PastryGoddess on March 27, 2013, 02:58:12 AM
My darling Archie,

I am aware that, inside your feline brain, I am not a different species, I am, in fact, a large, hairless cat who is incompetent at keeping herself fed and cleaned, and thus you feel the need to lick me regularly and also to leave dead things at each of my doors, so that I can be fed.

However.

I do *not* appreciate it when you decide that the appropriate response, while you are purring at and nuzzling into my belly and the baby in there kicks at you, is to swipe at said baby.

Yeah. Four nasty claw marks right next to my belly button because Baby kicked right where Archie was rubbing his face on my t-shirt - the shirt itself is fine, just punctured but not torn, though the skin underneath is bleeding.

So *someone* is now shut in the laundry while I disinfect and cover up the scratches. Here's hoping that they heal okay!

I swear I'm laughing with you...not at you :D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on March 27, 2013, 01:54:01 PM
Dear Matilda,

Jumping on my lap while I am sitting down is a rare and cute occurance. Jumping on my shoulder however, was so unexpected that we stared nose to nose at each other for a moment. I hink its the first time you;ve ever done that.

A big thank you for turning your head away before you sneezed.
No thank you at all for sneezing over my lunch instead.

Your attempt to follow up by sniffing my afflicted lunch was also not appreciated.

Regards,
Your hungry owner
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amara on March 27, 2013, 02:01:08 PM
Might as well let her sniff it to her heart's content. She flavored it.  >:D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MizB on March 27, 2013, 03:41:09 PM
Dear Sassy and Peggy:

I'm on to you two, now.  I get home last night, 12 hours early to empty food dishes and both of you acting like you are starving to death.  So much so that I thought my friend forgot to look in on you.  Today, I find out she did look in on you and feed you appropriately.

It won't work again, my dearies.

Love, the food giver.
Our cats would do this within two hours.  DD2 and I were supposed to trade off giving the cats their evening wet food.  I'd do it before I went to bed at 10, and she would do it after she got in from work at midnight.  She was always greeted by cats at the door, cats who had been fed but insisted that they were staaaaaaaaaaaarving!  And if she didn't remember whose turn it was, she fed them.  (They always had dry kibble down, so even if they hadn't been fed wet food, starvation was not imminent.)

We finally worked out a code.  If the light over the stove was on, she was to feed them.  If it was off, I'd fed them.

My boyfriends dog was like that. They just started leaving notes over her food cup.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on March 28, 2013, 10:15:02 AM
Might as well let her sniff it to her heart's content. She flavored it.  >:D
I don't want to set a precedent, or she'll be after my dinner next!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: amylouky on March 28, 2013, 10:18:33 AM
Dear Butters,

How/why/when did you learn to squat and pee down the bathtub drain?

Curious,

Me
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on March 28, 2013, 11:04:30 AM
Dear Louis,

It's a CPAP. It helps me sleep. It is not a scawy monster facehugger. Please do not kill it again.

Love,

The hoomin with kitten scratches on her face
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AlephReish on March 28, 2013, 02:46:05 PM
Dear Butters,

How/why/when did you learn to squat and pee down the bathtub drain?

Curious,

Me

Dear Butters -
   Do you teach seminars for felines to learn your awesome skills?

Sincerely,
The mama of two cats with occasional issues
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: amylouky on March 28, 2013, 02:49:53 PM
Dear Butters,

How/why/when did you learn to squat and pee down the bathtub drain?

Curious,

Me

Dear Butters -
   Do you teach seminars for felines to learn your awesome skills?

Sincerely,
The mama of two cats with occasional issues

Oh, believe me, I wish he would teach that trick to our other cat!
Now if only I could get him to turn on the hot water and rinse the drain out afterward..
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on March 28, 2013, 06:14:15 PM
Dear Harley,

Why have you suddenly begun table surfing? You are nearly 15 years old. Table surfing is not good for your health.

Love,

Mummy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Nikko-chan on March 28, 2013, 08:24:28 PM
Dear Harley,

Why have you suddenly begun table surfing? You are nearly 15 years old. Table surfing is not good for your health.

Love,

Mummy

Dear Mummy,

But it's FUN! And the look on your face is priceless. Did I mention it was fun?

With love,

Harley
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on March 28, 2013, 09:01:14 PM
Harley,

You would with the stealth merit badge if you didn't knock things down and make a ton of noise during your ascent to the table and eventual surfing.

Love,

Mummy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on March 30, 2013, 09:16:40 PM
Dear Mouse,

I'm sure you did not understand and it was scary.  But did you have to cry the ENTIRE time we were gone to get you a microchip?  If you insist on getting outside, you get a chip.  Period.  But you did your best to break my and your dad's hearts with your scared crying.  Please try to not be such a wimp.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on March 31, 2013, 05:40:25 PM
Dear Gizmo,

I know, stairs right? They're so awesome!! You can gallop up, and then down, and then up, and then down, and then halfway up, and then halfway down, and do a spin or two on the second landing and then back to the top and gallop to the bottom! Hours of entertainment! Why don't we have these at home?

Because you sound like a herd of buffalo on rollerskates and I'm really hoping you're going to get tired soon... please?

Regards,


DoyoumindIamtryingtoconcentratedownhere
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on April 01, 2013, 11:16:19 PM
I'm loving the recent posts and recognising Oscar in a couple of them (he lives to 'surf' the bathmat when I'm in the shower and galumphs across the bed with a wired look on his face).

Dear Oscar

I know I call you my little man, but you're not really little are you?  I'm so sorry I laughed when you made a break for it and discovered you couldn't get your bulk through the wrought iron gates but the sudden screeching halt was hilarious (and I did check afterwards to make sure everything was still in its rightful place on your face).  Again, and for the record, you are an inside cat - you have always been an inside cat - you have a predilication for lying in front of the glass doors and sunning your butt - you are a floofy indoor cat who couldn't cope with the mean outdoors.  Stop trying to escape!!!

Love
She who sets the bathmat up closer to the door than the wall so that you get a longer skid...
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on April 02, 2013, 10:13:33 PM
Dear Princess,

I closed the bedroom door for a reason.  That reason being that when you were granted the privilege of bedroom access, you spent the night attempting to take over my pillow, and when that failed, you switched to sleeping on my head.  As I have a natural dislike for the sensation of suffocating, that is simply unacceptable.  Additionally, you kept waking me up when you hissed at the Moose.  He was mostly just laying there asleep, and looked rather puzzled at your belligerence. 

Love,
The actual owner of the bed.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amara on April 02, 2013, 11:03:07 PM
Dear actual owner of the bed toiler of tasks and feline slave:

Obviously my generosity in allowing you to occupy a good amount of bed space is a wasted idea. You are getting too big for your britches as Grandma Princess would say. Still, she did teach me that hoomans are good for certain things and therefore we must humor them. So in honor of her memory, I will allow you to remain in bed with me as long as you understand which corner of the bed you (and Moose) are permitted to occupy. And that is: Any corner I don't want!

Bwahahaha. Prepare to curl up or enjoy the furry suffocation!

Love,

Princess and Ruler of the Bed
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: furrcats on April 02, 2013, 11:43:31 PM
Yep that's how it is
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 03, 2013, 08:10:36 AM
Dear Sassy:

Quit pawing at the bedroom door!  You've owned me for 2 years now and in all that time, you've never been allowed in the bedroom.  I can't believe you have any pads left on your paws, you were at it so long.

Knock it off or tomorrow's dinner is going to be cat soup.  Grrrr...
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on April 04, 2013, 03:13:28 PM
Bootsie is my "cat hat."  She likes to sleep on my pillow curled around my head.  Sometimes she curls around so her nose is an inch from mine so we can breathe together and other times she rests her head on mine, using my head as a pillow.  When I'm not in bed, she usually lays at the foot of the bed looking out the lanai sliding glass doors, watching birds fly by and perch on the railing.  As soon as my head hits the pillow, she gets up and arranges herself in the "cat hat" position.

Dear Bootsie;

I love the "cat hat" act, but could you please stop stepping on my hair.  It pulls and hurts.  Also, no kicking your back legs to stretch them out and hitting me in the face.  That's why you aren't allowed on Big Daddy's pillow: He has a medically fragile left eye after 10 operations.  Your sister, Midnight (RIP), was very good at cuddling with Big Daddy without endangering his eye.*

She Who Polices the Litterbox

*We never figured out how Midnight knew, but when DH had retina reattachment surgery in his right eye, he had to always sleep on one side to hold the bubble inside his eyeball in the correct position.  The bubble holds the retina against the underlying structure until it heals.  Midnight would wake DH up if he turned over on the wrong side.  Later, when he had the retina reattachment surgery in his left eye, he had to hold his head in a different position.  Somehow Midnight knew this and would wake him up if he wasn't in the new position.  She was an excellent nurse.  It would have been much harder on DH without his little sweetheart.  We still miss her a year and a half later. :'(
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: jayhawk on April 04, 2013, 06:22:22 PM
Bootsie is my "cat hat."  She likes to sleep on my pillow curled around my head.  Sometimes she curls around so her nose is an inch from mine so we can breathe together and other times she rests her head on mine, using my head as a pillow.  When I'm not in bed, she usually lays at the foot of the bed looking out the lanai sliding glass doors, watching birds fly by and perch on the railing.  As soon as my head hits the pillow, she gets up and arranges herself in the "cat hat" position.

Dear Bootsie;

I love the "cat hat" act, but could you please stop stepping on my hair.  It pulls and hurts.  Also, no kicking your back legs to stretch them out and hitting me in the face.  That's why you aren't allowed on Big Daddy's pillow: He has a medically fragile left eye after 10 operations.  Your sister, Midnight (RIP), was very good at cuddling with Big Daddy without endangering his eye.*

She Who Polices the Litterbox

*We never figured out how Midnight knew, but when DH had retina reattachment surgery in his right eye, he had to always sleep on one side to hold the bubble inside his eyeball in the correct position.  The bubble holds the retina against the underlying structure until it heals.  Midnight would wake DH up if he turned over on the wrong side.  Later, when he had the retina reattachment surgery in his left eye, he had to hold his head in a different position.  Somehow Midnight knew this and would wake him up if he wasn't in the new position.  She was an excellent nurse.  It would have been much harder on DH without his little sweetheart.  We still miss her a year and a half later. :'(

Awwwww! So sweet.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on April 04, 2013, 09:09:33 PM

*We never figured out how Midnight knew, but when DH had retina reattachment surgery in his right eye, he had to always sleep on one side to hold the bubble inside his eyeball in the correct position.  The bubble holds the retina against the underlying structure until it heals.  Midnight would wake DH up if he turned over on the wrong side.  Later, when he had the retina reattachment surgery in his left eye, he had to hold his head in a different position.  Somehow Midnight knew this and would wake him up if he wasn't in the new position.  She was an excellent nurse.  It would have been much harder on DH without his little sweetheart.  We still miss her a year and a half later. :'(
They just know, MK.  The only time Willow will cuddle is when I have a migraine.  She knows even before I do.  More than once I've woken up to realize that Willow is plastered into my armpit, microseconds before the pain hits.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MissRose on April 05, 2013, 10:35:13 AM
Dear Cat of my friend I stayed with recently,

I was more willing to play with you and pet you before I went home but yet you would not leave her hubby alone while he was attempting to work at home.  When I visit next time, no need to constantly bother the man of the house when he encourages you to bother others lol.

Love, the Michigan based visitor
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: robobecky on April 05, 2013, 03:20:55 PM
Dear Houdini,

If you don't stop bringing dead mice and birds into the house I am building you a cat house outside and you will no longer be able to access the oh so comfy chairs and couches that you love because you will permanently live outside.  Knock it off you little idiot!  The kitchen is not a morgue for your kills.

love,
your very annoyed human slave
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on April 05, 2013, 06:35:07 PM
Dear Robobecky,

Please do not misinterpret Houdini's actions.  He is showing that he loves you and is doing his best to protect you.  Bringing you his kills demonstrates that he is doing his duty.

I haven't had to do this yet because we live in a 4th floor walkup.  Hence no rodents.  My mum loves me anyway and gives me catnip mice to compensate.

Understandingly,

Figaro

(http://i756.photobucket.com/albums/xx204/Venus193/Cat%20Pictures/Figaro6.jpg)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MizB on April 07, 2013, 03:26:03 PM
Dear Cherokee

Thank you for sleeping with me the other night after mr. O and I fought. I know you are his cat and to take my side was such an honor.

Love
The female human.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on April 07, 2013, 03:28:34 PM
Dear Scout,

It's not nice to hide under the broken boards on the back deck and swat at the ankles of passing kids/adults/dogs. You seem to get an enormous amount of pleasure in this, but just remember, one of those dogs could kill you just by sitting on you, and I'd hate to have to clean up dead cat because you finally pushed the mastiff too far.

Love,
The person who wants you to stick around for a long, long time.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on April 07, 2013, 05:55:43 PM
Dear Scout,

It's not nice to hide under the broken boards on the back deck and swat at the ankles of passing kids/adults/dogs. You seem to get an enormous amount of pleasure in this, but just remember, one of those dogs could kill you just by sitting on you, and I'd hate to have to clean up dead cat because you finally pushed the mastiff too far.

Love,
The person who wants you to stick around for a long, long time.

Dear Scout,

Don't worry.  Cats can survive quite awhile with a dog sitting on them.  I decided that the dog crate belonged to me one time and the dog sat on me and it took Mommy half an hour to figure out that the black dog had one too many limbs sticking out.

Love,
Princess
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Reader on April 08, 2013, 08:51:29 AM
Dear Weezer, my new renter's dog,

Yes I know you miss your dad when he goes to work, and it's a new house.  But for the sake of my ears please don't let the whole house know.  I had to go to my fav brewery for peace and quiet yesterday lol.

Thanks,

Reader
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JeseC on April 08, 2013, 01:56:25 PM
Dear Pouncy:

You are covered in fur and insist on rolling around on plastic things and on the carpet.  It is not our fault when you come up to the humans and get shocked.  I know you don't like it, but there's really nothing we can do.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on April 11, 2013, 11:37:33 PM
Dear Oscar

I'm sorry!  I have no idea how you got fleas - you're an inside cat and I'm careful about it - however, sitting in the sun and plotting my demise was quite unnerving.  I did turn on the heat lamps in the bathroom for you.  Please get that 'peeved' look off your face - its been three days and I'm still nervous about falling asleep while you're in the bedroom!

Love
She who put you in the bath

(http://sphotos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/480635_10200635783764650_528785956_n.jpg)

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 12, 2013, 08:05:59 AM
Oh, that's a great pic.

I can just see the 'I can't believe you did this to me; I'm going to get you back when you are least expecting it' thought bubble above his head.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Seraphia on April 12, 2013, 12:20:55 PM
Yeah, that's not a pleased kitty. "You know those shoes you like? Say goodbye to them."
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Calistoga on April 12, 2013, 12:55:13 PM
Dear Pipsqueak,

I know you used to sleep with your head between the porch rails. You were smaller back then. If you get your head stuck one more time, I'm not going to come save you.

Love, Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on April 12, 2013, 01:19:03 PM
Leo - you are a kitten.  As far as I know, you were abandoned.  How do you already know how to stretch your body out to take over half the bed?  And no, you should NOT sleep right next to your human dad with your paws or head resting on his back - he flips and turns a lot during the night and you are going to get squished.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Mal on April 18, 2013, 09:09:34 AM
Dear cat,

yes, I know I can make it rain inside. It's called a shower. That doesn't mean I'm responsible when it rains outside! Don't rant at me when you come inside with wet fur, it's not my fault.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on April 18, 2013, 11:00:18 AM
Dear cat,

yes, I know I can make it rain inside. It's called a shower. That doesn't mean I'm responsible when it rains outside! Don't rant at me when you come inside with wet fur, it's not my fault.
Yes it is. Don't you know you are meant to turn the water off!  ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on April 18, 2013, 08:28:48 PM
Dear cat,

yes, I know I can make it rain inside. It's called a shower. That doesn't mean I'm responsible when it rains outside! Don't rant at me when you come inside with wet fur, it's not my fault.
Yes it is. Don't you know you are meant to turn the water off!  ;D
It is ALSO your fault when the patch of sunlight in which the cat was sleeping moves away and even disappears.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JadeAngel on April 19, 2013, 09:11:50 PM
Dear Gizmo,

Last night when I went out to unlock the gate for the bad man you zipped between my ankles and took off into the garden. After a merry fifteen minute chase (in the freezing cold) I finally cornered you in a pot plant and got you inside.

THIS MORNING, I came down and opened up the outside door so you could go sit outside in the sunshine and you took one look and went 'Uck, fresh air, don't want' and took yourself upstairs.

I know you only like outside when it's cold and dark and I'm going to have to chase you around (because we live behind the pub and Friday night is not a good time for kitties to be wandering about) but surely we can come to some kind of agreement about this?

And don't even think about whipping outside when I'm about to leave for lunch. I'm not chasing you in heels.

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Julian on April 24, 2013, 10:25:48 PM
 Dear Salem

You're weird.  There's no other way to say it, dear.

I love that you're a lapcat, and I adore the way you roll around, loll, squirm and wriggle, paws everywhere when you're getting scritches.  But seriously...  the ears were back, the eyes were slitted and fangs were showing.  You were even lashing your tail.  It looked for all the world like you were planning to eat my face.  Meanwhile you were purring up a storm.

Please sort out the kitty body language thing, honey.  Otherwise you'll confuse anyone that doesn't know you as well as I do.  That 'demonic black cat' look was freaky!

Love
Mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 25, 2013, 08:18:58 AM
Dear Peggy:

Why do you growl when my 'Mr. Fixit' comes to the door?  And why do you hide when he comes inside?  He's a nice guy.  Really!  Your sister follows him around, making a pest out of herself, so I guess it's not all bad that you are out of his hair.  But really, he isn't going to hurt you.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on April 25, 2013, 09:21:49 AM
Dear Roxie,

I understand that you were abandoned or lost and probably didn't get enough food at one point in your kittenhood.  But you have been here for months now and do not lack for food.  So why do you insist on trying to eat my makeup brushes?  I have to take them back from you every morning when you grab them out of my purse.  It's really not good for you and no, I'm not getting you your own, even if you are the only girl kitty in the house.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on April 25, 2013, 11:37:50 AM
Dear Harley and Mischief,

I know you were annoyed by the maintenance staff yesterday, but they had to come and sort out the broken air conditioner.

However, that does not mean the steak the humans had for dinner is yours. You do not need to stand on it, on top of the cutting board, on the table!

Sigh,

Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on April 25, 2013, 02:44:42 PM
So why do you insist on trying to eat my makeup brushes?
When the real Midnight was alive, she was "highly interactive." Whatever we were doing, Midnight had to supervise &/or help.  She loved to curl up in the top cover of my makeup case while I applied my makeup.  She was investigating the brushes and somehow ended up with bronzer on her cute little nose. Talk about gilding the lily. DH told her that she's a natural beauty and doesn't need to wear makeup. ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on April 25, 2013, 04:44:17 PM
So why do you insist on trying to eat my makeup brushes?
When the real Midnight was alive, she was "highly interactive." Whatever we were doing, Midnight had to supervise &/or help.  She loved to curl up in the top cover of my makeup case while I applied my makeup.  She was investigating the brushes and somehow ended up with bronzer on her cute little nose. Talk about gilding the lily. DH told her that she's a natural beauty and doesn't need to wear makeup. ;D

I hope he said the same to you!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on April 25, 2013, 06:02:29 PM
DH told her that she's a natural beauty and doesn't need to wear makeup. ;D
I hope he said the same to you!
He did and he does, but I know he lies because I have a mirror.  He would prefer that I never wear any makeup and I prefer to look "finished."  For our anniversary one year, I came home from work, took a shower and washed my face clean, put on a nice dress, and he took me out to a fancy restaurant for dinner.  It wasn't easy for me to go out in public with a *naked* face, especially in a fancy restaurant, but that was my gift to him. :-*
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AlephReish on April 25, 2013, 07:21:57 PM
Dear Roxie,
    Our mommy just saw a makeup brush toy at PetSmart - http://www.petsmart.com/product/index.jsp?productId=12143717 (http://www.petsmart.com/product/index.jsp?productId=12143717) - is that what you're trying to ask your mommy to get you?

Love!
Dorsey and Dizzy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on April 25, 2013, 07:54:40 PM
Dear Dorsey and Dizzy,

I have cried to mommy that is exactly what I want, but she is complaining that she is tired and doesn't want to go out again.  I will wear her down with my cuteness (and cries).

- A very excited Roxie
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AlephReish on April 25, 2013, 10:14:50 PM
Dear Roxie,

You know what to do.

(http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-crying-and-carrying-on-1.png)

Love!
Dorsey and Dizzy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: OSUJillyBean on April 26, 2013, 09:05:50 AM
Dear Lucy,

I know your dinner was late last night but climbing on top of the stove and licking the pan we used to make Mexican is not acceptable.  You are very lucky the stove was off and you didn't burn your paws!  Also, proving how hungry you are by chewing on my fingers is neither cute nor funny.

Love,
MommyBean
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Mal on April 26, 2013, 09:10:03 AM
Dear Lucy,

I have read your mommy's letter and I have to firmly agree, as I have once taken it upon me to lick a plate that had held Chili before and I couldn't do a decent meow for two hours afterwards. Hot things are not good things - for any of the two meanings of the word.

Love,
Melle's cat.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 26, 2013, 09:38:57 AM
Dear Peggy:

Thanks so much for cleaning up the kitty food I spilled on the floor last night when I transferred the new bag into my Tupperware container.  I knew I could count on you.

However, trying to eat the muffin papers I forgot to throw in the garbage?  Yeah, not so much.

I seem to be on a seefood diet these days, too, and really, it isn't good for either of us.

Love,
Your fellow rotund one
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on May 05, 2013, 07:23:19 AM
Dear Cat

Running into the neighbour's house and hiding behind their couch twice is not the best way to introduce yourself. It's lucky they were nice about it but please, I don't want to be 'that' neighbour, don't do it again.

Snooks
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on May 05, 2013, 09:52:19 AM
Dear Izzy:

Cranking up a meow at 5:30 on a Sunday does not endear you to Daddy or me.  This is a weekend; you do not have to wake us up today.

And Daddy is especially not amused when you hide under blankets, then yowl when he bumps you in the dark.

Love,
Provider of cans
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on May 05, 2013, 09:59:07 AM
Dear Mo,

Dive bombing me from the overhang over the front door when I haven't had my coffee yet is a bad idea.  Please wait until a little later in the day to try these sorts of tricks.

Thanks,
She who makes sure you get your 5am ear scritchies.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Vicki on May 05, 2013, 03:16:37 PM
Dear Polycarp,

You don't like people, other than me, you run for you life when the doorbell rings - so why, why, why, did you decide to make my lunch guest (also my boss) your best friend?  He's allergic to you and you wouldn't leave him alone. 

Puzzled,

she who provides the food and water
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on May 06, 2013, 05:21:53 PM
Dear Harley and Mischief,

Your human brother has found a kitten and he is going to bring it home next weekend. You need to be nice during your supervised visits, or she will live in his bedroom forever. I know you two are getting up there in age, but this kitty needs a home.

Love,

Mom
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: *inviteseller on May 06, 2013, 07:04:09 PM
Dear Kitties (as a group)
Every time I walk towards the kitchen does NOT mean I am going to feed you again.  You are old enough now to know you get breakfast in the morning, dinner at dinner time.  Also trying to outrun me down the steps when I am carrying a laundry hamper is not the fun game you think it is. 
Dear Mr. B- I have had you since you were 10 days old, raising you and your litter mates.  I know you love me and appreciate this, but honestly quit sleeping you fat butt on my face!  And the plastic bag fetish?  I am not happy when woken up at 3 am because you pulled one down and got it stuck on your neck and are now racing through the house in a panic.
Miss Sophie - I love you sweetheart, I really do and I know you appreciate me rescuing you, but you are not the only cat in the house.  You cannot be up my bum 24/7 and hitting the kids when I am interacting with them is just petty.
Miss Lola-You are never getting out of kittendom, are you???  You are so pretty and sweet, but at 3 can you stop acting like a doofus kitten?  Jumping out to scare the others, chasing them up and down the steps..they don't like it!!!  And the first trip in the morning when I get up is to the potty, not your food dish so please stop trying to walk in front of me to stop me...the end result isn't pretty.
Miss Jezebel - You are a cutie and quite possibly the most annoying cat I have ever had in my life (and there have been many)..Quit screeching at the door morning, noon and night!  You were an indoor only cat when I took you in and I am not changing that!  And when you sneak out, I don't like the get kitty from under the bushes game you play !  And quit being nice to the dog one minute, slapping her the next.  She is pretty easy going but she growled at you the other day..that may have been your warning!
The feral cat and her 2- 4 week kittens I am fostering in a spare room- Yes, someone dumped you and you have been having lots of babies, but I saved your kittens from mean people, found you and got you reunited with them  tried to save the sick ones, and now you have a warm place to stay and an endless supply of good food...would it kill you to quit making those noises at me every time I walk into the room?  I know you want to kill me, but geez louise, I am being nice!  The babies like me!

Love,
Your faithful servant
*inviteseller
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on May 06, 2013, 07:07:44 PM
Dear Sassy:

It is not necessary for you to yowl and paw at my door every morning at 6:30.  I have an alarm set for 7:00; I can get up on my own.

Cut it out!  Or cat soup may soon be on the menu...

Your sleep deprived owner staff
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on May 06, 2013, 07:41:41 PM
Dear Polycarp,

You don't like people, other than me, you run for you life when the doorbell rings - so why, why, why, did you decide to make my lunch guest (also my boss) your best friend?  He's allergic to you and you wouldn't leave him alone. 

Puzzled,

she who provides the food and water

Dear Human Servant,

Because there's something so irresistible about a human who plays hard to get. Needy humans with their high-pitched baby talk and reaching, grope-y hands are a dime a dozen. But a coolly detached person unmoved by my many and obvious charms? I MUST make him love me!

The One Who Must Be Obeyed :P
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on May 07, 2013, 12:55:40 PM
Dear Sassy:

It is not necessary for you to yowl and paw at my door every morning at 6:30.  I have an alarm set for 7:00; I can get up on my own.

Cut it out!  Or cat soup may soon be on the menu...

Your sleep deprived owner staff

Dear Sassy

I'm sorry to hear that your owner has their alarm set for the wrong time too.  My owners also mistakenly believe that the alarm should be set for 7am, I do my best to re-educate them but it's not sticking.  I have found that reminding them they have a door handle which can let them out of the bedroom helps, I do this by jumping at the handle on my side of the door.  They often go back to bed after opening the door but at least they are awake, so I see this as my job being partially done.  I ensure they don't go back to sleep by inspecting their faces with my nose.

I hope these tips work for you.

Best wishes

LordB
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Cutenoob on May 07, 2013, 06:02:32 PM
Dear Ivory:
Your "trick" of standing near the door, then running to your food area does not work with me. I'm going to get my keys near the front door, and I can see exactly what you're doing. I'm not a stupid human.
Plus you being a pillow thief really aggravates me. If I bought a pillow just for you..never mind.
Can you please stop begging for food every 10 minutes and just go take a nap?

Your food unit
Cutenoob
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: *inviteseller on May 07, 2013, 08:39:46 PM
Dear Mr. B,
When I come home and find 3 large stuffed animals face down on the floor..I know why!  You are fixed so stop trying to have your way with them.  When I hear you yowling at the top of the steps I know you are bringing down a new paramour and it is just wrong that you sometimes want me to watch!  Although I will say I was pretty impressed that you managed to get the 3 ft tall frog off the bed, down the hall and down the steps.  When you 6 yr old human sister is older and figures out just what you are doing to her stuffies, she is going to be grossed out, so stop it!  They don't want it no matter how many sweet meowers you whisper in their ears!

Dear Sophie,
I know Mr. B and Lola pick on you..they can be such jerks.  But is it necessary to scream like you are caught in a lawn mower if they walk past your hiding spot???  They weren't paying any attention to you, but now they are feeling the need to mess with you and I have to break it up and everyone gets kitty time outs.   Just be quiet and they won't bother you.

Your ever faithful feed dish filler
*inviteseller
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Bijou on May 07, 2013, 08:56:13 PM
Dear Kitty,
Thank you for loving me unconditionally.
Thank you for saving me from overeating by jumping into my dish when I'm eating at the computer.
Thank you for letting me sit with you in the bathroom while you take 15 minutes to drink out of the faucet. 
Love mama
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Bijou on May 07, 2013, 09:01:31 PM
Dear Lassie,
You've been gone since I was 17, but still, whenever I see a black and white springer spaniel with little curls on top of her head I wish it were you.  I miss you, Lassie.
Love and kisses from your girl
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: JennJenn68 on May 07, 2013, 10:42:44 PM
Dear Buzz:

Stop.  Just stop.  Mama has decided that 3 a.m. is NOT an appropriate time to feed you, and you're just going to have to survive until six.  Using me as a human trampoline repeatedly doesn't make me more inclined to get up and feed you.  What it does do is make me more tempted to commit felicide in a rather violent manner.  Let's also discuss last night's little trick of continually yelling in my ear for a full hour, with me gritting my teeth and earnestly wishing one (or both) of us dead, until I finally gave in at five.  You can survive longer than four hours without food; you manage quite well not being fed until three in the afternoon, so I know that you're just lying your little heart out.  I hesitate to lock you in the basement with your brother and sister, mostly because I'm afraid of the mess you'll make of your father's HO scale layout if I do so, but I'm getting close to the limits of my endurance for not getting any sleep--five days and counting now, you little twirp!

Quit.  Or I'll lock you up all by yourself, and reserve a box outside the basement for your brother and sister, who do not seem to think that I ought to be feeding you at an unearthly hour.  (Or if they do, they're sensibly keeping very quiet about it!)

Exasperatedly,
She Who Knows That You Aren't Actually Starving To Death
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on May 07, 2013, 11:54:58 PM
Dear cats, all three of you:

Yelling at me at the unpleasantly high volumes and pitches attainable by a Siamese mix, a half-grown kitten, and the living avatar of Basement Cat until I stop what I'm trying to do to pet you is highly disturbing.  Princess, your habit of climbing on my back if you can't sit in my lap is especially hampering, especially since you are apparently made of sandspurs.  I intended to catch up on my housekeeping tonight, but instead I spent it rotating between petting the three of you attention hogs.  I'm surprised I even got a load of laundry in!  The dog is sulking.

Love,

Your mother (to the boy kitties)/temple slave (for the Princess/evil kitty)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on May 09, 2013, 04:04:04 PM
To my wonderful furbabies,

No, I can not turn off the big faucet in the sky so you can go outside*.  I know the sky is spitting water, and mommy can usually turn the water off, but I am unable to control the weather.  Please stop scratching at the cabinet door, sticking your head out and then running to me howling to let me know your head and paws are wet.  It should stop raining soon.  Until then, you will have to amuse yourselves with your 4 6' cat trees, 20' perches, enough cat toys to fill a decent sized toy chest, furniture positioned so you can see out of every window and food better than 33% of the world. 

Love,
The maker of Chicken

*They aren't actually allowed outside to roam.  We have a 6'x6'x10' dog run on the back porch which connects to a dog door on the back wall.  They go nuts if they can't get out to it.  There have been days I've opened the door to let them run into 3' of snow, just to get them to shut up.  It's highly entertaining except when I'm trying to work and they won't settle down and stop howling.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on May 09, 2013, 10:07:56 PM
Dear Moose,

Stop eating the dog food.  Your cat food is arguably of much better quality due to the economic cost of buying premium food for three cats vs a giant dog.  Not that his isn't good grain-free food, but it's cheap premium and you guys get the really good stuff.  Not to mention, it puzzles the dog to find you in his food bowl.

Love,

Your quartermaster
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: esteban on May 11, 2013, 08:17:30 PM
Dear Darth, Stormy, and Lily,

The new noisy thing is here to stay.  His name is Nibbitz and you have a lot in common, like you are all cats.  I am aware that he is very noisy, and kind of an attention hog right now, but he will grow out of it (you all did).  So you can stop growling at him anytime now.


Dear Nibbitz,

Clawing my leg is not appreciated.  I am aware that the fat cats are growling at you, but climbing my leg is not a proper response.  Mostly because I am wearing shorts.

The one who feed all of you
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: amylouky on May 11, 2013, 11:28:01 PM
Dear Gizmo,

Last night when I went out to unlock the gate for the bad man you zipped between my ankles and took off into the garden. After a merry fifteen minute chase (in the freezing cold) I finally cornered you in a pot plant and got you inside.

THIS MORNING, I came down and opened up the outside door so you could go sit outside in the sunshine and you took one look and went 'Uck, fresh air, don't want' and took yourself upstairs.

I know you only like outside when it's cold and dark and I'm going to have to chase you around (because we live behind the pub and Friday night is not a good time for kitties to be wandering about) but surely we can come to some kind of agreement about this?

And don't even think about whipping outside when I'm about to leave for lunch. I'm not chasing you in heels.

You have pot plants in  your neighborhood?   ???
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on May 12, 2013, 12:54:55 AM
Dear Tribble,

Where were you the past couple of weeks?  No one responded to my signs nor did anyone put any up, and you're still wearing the collar I had on you so I doubt you were "visiting" with any humans.  I am glad you came back, but mystified about where you went. 
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on May 12, 2013, 11:10:24 AM
Dear Gizmo,

Last night when I went out to unlock the gate for the bad man you zipped between my ankles and took off into the garden. After a merry fifteen minute chase (in the freezing cold) I finally cornered you in a pot plant and got you inside.

THIS MORNING, I came down and opened up the outside door so you could go sit outside in the sunshine and you took one look and went 'Uck, fresh air, don't want' and took yourself upstairs.

I know you only like outside when it's cold and dark and I'm going to have to chase you around (because we live behind the pub and Friday night is not a good time for kitties to be wandering about) but surely we can come to some kind of agreement about this?

And don't even think about whipping outside when I'm about to leave for lunch. I'm not chasing you in heels.

You have pot plants in  your neighborhood?   ???
In some places pot plant = house plant, because they're in pots.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: bluhairfreak on May 14, 2013, 11:07:43 AM
Dear Rocky
  What happened?  You used to be such a polite little man who would sit and wait to be invited into a lap.  Now it's all "oooh open lap? MINE!" and will paw, climb and jump in without any regard to what I'm doing or working on.(or is I'm sitting in a position conducive to you large fluffy butt fitting in)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on May 14, 2013, 04:40:48 PM
Dear Carmen,

Why are you suddenly hiding in the vanity in the bathroom?  The top of the cable box is the warmest spot in the apartment.

Must be the afternoon sun you're avoiding.  I don't blame you.

Love, She Who Buys You Fancy Feast.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on May 17, 2013, 11:44:02 PM
Dear Rockie,

What is with you?  You LOVE attention and purr like crazy if you're on the bed or hanging out anywhere in the bathroom.  In fact, you sometimes purr violently to the point where I'm wondering if it can hurt you.  I listened to you purr to yourself for half an hour in the bathroom today after getting some pets.  But then practically anywhere else in the house, you want very little to do with us.  What's up with that?

And I can't help it that the cat makeup brush didn't smell right.  Please stop stealing mine!!!!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: PastryGoddess on May 23, 2013, 10:18:30 PM
I thought this would give everyone a laugh  ;D


(http://i1110.photobucket.com/albums/h460/aglaia761/970049_193382677483236_202116462_n_zps68d950f2.jpg)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on May 23, 2013, 10:55:35 PM
 ;D With the cat speaking in a Stewie voice, naturally!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on May 23, 2013, 11:10:58 PM
Dear Moose,

You are so cute most of the time.  You are not cute at all when you interrupt my efforts to get in the shower with love bites DIRECTLY ON MY SPRAINED ANKLE.  What exactly is wrong with you that you keep doing that? I thought I had broken that biting habit of yours last month...

Love,
Your injured mom.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on May 24, 2013, 08:34:54 AM
Dear Sassy and Peggy:

Which one of you has suddenly decided to become bulimic?  I don't mind the empty food bowl; I can ignore your pitiful cries for more food but cleaning up 7 piles of yuk in 12 hours?  Not so much fun.

I hope you are feeling better,

Love, your slave.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: *inviteseller on May 24, 2013, 06:15:58 PM
Dear Sassy & Peggy,
We loooove leaving those piles for our feeder also!  The best are the ones next to the bed that she finds first thing in the morning!!  Our feeder usually switches our food (takes away anything seafood) and now that it is hairball season, the hairball helpers out there might be something your feeder could get you.
Best wishes on always hitting the carpet and not the easy clean tile or linoleum,
Mr. B, Sophie, Lola & Jezebel
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on May 24, 2013, 06:26:24 PM
LOL.  Yes, they did leave most of their presents on mats, rather than the hardwood.  But at least the mats can get thrown in the washer every once in a while.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on May 30, 2013, 08:10:05 PM
Dear Oscar

I am so sorry you had to go in for surgery yesterday to remove the lump from your side but you came through it well, the vet said you behaved very nicely and didn't need the 'Cone of Shame' as you had left the stitches alone all afternoon.... so why (WHY?) did you suddenly decide, at the time the vet closed, to pull out two stitches?!?!?  I had put a photo of you up on Facebook saying you were very brave - now you have to live with the second photo that everyone is laughing at!

(http://sphotos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/969478_10200925197919823_379701122_n.jpg)  (http://sphotos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/10538_10200925220000375_758025740_n.jpg)

Love - she who wasn't laughing when you ate dinner (honest!) ;)
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: *inviteseller on May 30, 2013, 11:43:21 PM
awww...the cone of shame!!!   My cat had to wear one after ear surgery and he got under the bed and got stuck.  We had to carefully take the bed apart to get him out!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on May 31, 2013, 01:02:57 AM
Dear Buddy;

We know you are a friendly cat and just want to playplayplay, but please watch those pointy bits.  We love the way you play at first, batting with soft paws and no claws, so we know you can control yourself.  Then you go all teenage boy on us (he's 9 months) and get rowdy, biting ankles and Honey Girl's nose.  Honey Girl* is going to be your best friend and playmate if you keep your pointy bits to yourself.

Your loyal servant

*Honey Girl is the 4 y.o. terrier/dachshund mix we brought home with Buddy from the humane society last Friday.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on May 31, 2013, 11:06:31 PM
Congrats on new companions, MK!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on June 10, 2013, 01:57:14 PM
Dear Buddy;

You are such a lover, so gentle and affectionate.  Why do you change in a split second into Killer Kitty?  One moment you are flopping down on my feet like a Ragdoll and the next moment you are biting my ankle.  DH says you are trying to bring down the "big game" (us).  When attacking our ankles doesn't work, you try to trip us up.  I guess you figure once we're down on the floor, it will be easier to finish us off.  Trust me, tripping my disabled DH will not end well for either of you.

Oh, and one last thing - Please do not jump in my lap when I am sitting on the *throne.*  I don't need your help in the bathroom.  I know you need a lot of love, but I need a little bit of privacy.

Your loyal servant
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on June 10, 2013, 04:19:39 PM
Dear Figaro,

You are one of the handsomest cats I've ever known and the most handsome cat I've ever had.  Why, therefore, do you not want me to take your picture?  I didn't get a single good shot of you this afternoon.

While we're at it, I know you like to be brushed.  I ran that wire thing on you, cleared it 20 times, and you are still shedding.  Why don't you turn over on your left side so I can get your right side, too?

Love,

She Who Buys You Fancy Feast.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on June 10, 2013, 04:33:29 PM
Dear Figaro,

You are one of the handsomest cats I've ever known and the most handsome cat I've ever had.  Why, therefore, do you not want me to take your picture?  I didn't get a single good shot of you this afternoon.
We think Buddy is quite handsome, too.  He is true black with a few white hairs in his ears.  I can't get a good picture of him because my camera can't find anything to focus on.  He was laying on Honey Girl's black towel, chewing on her rawhide bone.  When I aimed the camera at him, the little red box kept trying to find a "face" without success.  He doesn't show up any better on the black chairs.  In fact, we keep sitting on him because, with his eyes shut, he disappears on the chair.  When I finally got one good picture of him asleep on the bamboo flooring, the second photo (half a second later) shows only a close up of his nose. ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on June 10, 2013, 06:46:14 PM
Figaro usually turns his head just as I depress the shutter.  The best I did today was a couple of profile shots.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on June 11, 2013, 01:08:02 AM
Dear kitties, all of you, including the stray kitties that I don't own:

I am not sure I like this parade following me to the mailbox and the neighbor's house.  I look like a very strange Mama Duck or Pied Piper.

Love,

Your food-enabler.



Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on June 11, 2013, 07:48:12 AM
You have Snow White syndrome!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: magicdomino on June 11, 2013, 01:53:25 PM
Dear Figaro,

You are one of the handsomest cats I've ever known and the most handsome cat I've ever had.  Why, therefore, do you not want me to take your picture?  I didn't get a single good shot of you this afternoon.

Love,

She Who Buys You Fancy Feast.

Along the same lines:

Dear Domino,

The camera will not steal your soul.  You don't need to run out of the room as soon as I turn it on.

Sincerely,
The would-be photographer
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: *inviteseller on June 11, 2013, 06:48:22 PM
Dear cats (I don't quite know which of you is guilty so I will address you all) :
    Those clothes I set out before I went in the shower?  They weren't a lovely bed.  For once can I walk out of the house without wearing half of you guys all over me????

Dear kittens :
     I am so happy you are weaning from Momma cat and are starting to eat the baby nummies, but because you have discovered solids doesn't mean you are allowed to get up and steal DD's pork chop tonight.  I can't even figure out how 2lb kittens got up on the table but that is a big no no!  And the Birthday cake I caught you licking?  Major tummy ache.  Please eat the baby nummies instead!

Signed,
Your fur covered servant
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on June 11, 2013, 07:59:38 PM
Dear cats (I don't quite know which of you is guilty so I will address you all) :
    Those clothes I set out before I went in the shower?  They weren't a lovely bed.  For once can I walk out of the house without wearing half of you guys all over me????

Dear kittens :
     I am so happy you are weaning from Momma cat and are starting to eat the baby nummies, but because you have discovered solids doesn't mean you are allowed to get up and steal DD's pork chop tonight.  I can't even figure out how 2lb kittens got up on the table but that is a big no no!  And the Birthday cake I caught you licking?  Major tummy ache.  Please eat the baby nummies instead!

Signed,
Your fur covered servant

Pictures!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: *inviteseller on June 11, 2013, 08:13:15 PM
I can't seem to figure out how to get a pic on here..they are wittle sweetieumpkins!!!!!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Delia DeLyons on June 11, 2013, 10:14:34 PM
Dearest Lucy and Cannella:

That was my stomach that growled... No Lucy, it was not the ~8 month old adopted kitten challenging you for rights to the bed; and no, Cannella, it was not the 3 year old resident cat giving you hell for daring to place paw on said bed...

I missed my supper because I was too fascinated by your interactions while adjusting to this big change - lesson learned.

But I know this will all be old news to the two of you soon, so I'm secretly cherishing these fascinating times...

Thanks for both joining me on the couch tonight -  a sign post that acceptance is nearing.

I love you both,
Lap Lady
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on June 11, 2013, 10:54:57 PM
Dear kitties, again, all of you,

It was nice outside last night.  A great night to open my window.  I couldn't hardly sleep because you idiots kept going in and out the window and bouncing on me.  Princess, you are a causer of massive pain, as you kept trying to stretch out using my injured ankle as an anchor, and you kept trying to sleep on my head.  I could feel my eyes start swelling shut last night due to your presence on my pillow - having cat hair introduced directly to my eyes will do that.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on June 12, 2013, 08:47:10 AM
Dear kitties, all of you, including the stray kitties that I don't own:

I am not sure I like this parade following me to the mailbox and the neighbor's house.  I look like a very strange Mama Duck or Pied Piper.

Love,

Your food-enabler.

If it makes you feel any better, the strays at the convenience store I frequent appear out of nowhere the second I pull into the parking lot.  I feel guilty and give them ear scritchies every time I go in and out, but I swear they know the sound of my engine and come running when they hear it.  The owner of the store does the TNR thing with the ferals and strays in the area, and this area is a popular "dumping ground" for unwanted pets, so there are quite a lot of the kitties.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: peach2play on June 12, 2013, 12:05:58 PM
Dear Kitten,

I know you really want to explore the world.  I know you thought you had us fooled by getting out of the 6'x10'x6' dog pen Mommy got for you so you could still go outside but not roam the neighborhood.  However, Mommy and Daddy are not as stupid as you think and you were caught scaling the inside corner of the cage like a tree.  Do not look so forlorn.  It's just a tarp over the top so you can not escape.  Daddy will be putting chicken wire over the top tonight so you can once again see the sky.  If only you would have let me leash train you...then you really could go explore the world.

Love,
The giver of chicken
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on June 12, 2013, 10:13:25 PM
Dear newly brought-in kitten overlord:

So far, you have sent two text messages, several FaceBook IMs, made a phone call, posted to FaceBook, and posted your own introductory post here.  I mean, I walked out of the room in the middle of composing it, and came back in to find that a line of keysmash got added and it was posted.  Perhaps you're actually some kind of alien and are trying to communicate?  You were, might I add, brought in only after your mama cat came in my window and did her best "Timmy fell in the well!" impression to alert me that you were stuck in the roof.

Love,

Your new human slave
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Firecat on June 12, 2013, 10:19:13 PM
I personally ascribe to the theory that kittens are furry little chaos elementals. Cute little chaos elementals, but chaos elementals none the less.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: *inviteseller on June 12, 2013, 10:31:22 PM
I have 2 foster babies (and their evil feral mom) who were born April 6 (5 littler mates died  :'( :'( )  and they are just insane!!!!  It has been 3 years since I have had a kitten and I had forgotten what little balls of energy and destruction (quit climbing the recliner!!!) they are!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Bluenomi on June 12, 2013, 10:54:36 PM
Dear Isis,

Yes, Daddy is mad at you and refusing to talk to you. I know you didn't spill red wine all over his laptop on purpose but he holds a grudge better than anyone I know (it's those Scottish roots) so please try and leave him alone for a few days. Smooching up to him while he's trying to fix said laptop is not the best idea at the moment

Love Mummy.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: MerryCat on June 15, 2013, 09:30:31 PM
Dear Mitten,

We seriously need to have a talk. I know you hate it when people touch you for an instant longer than you want to be touched. However, when you choose to sit on my lap, you do not get to be upset that my lap is still touching you back. The onus is on you to move your fuzzy butt off of  me, not expect me to somehow magically teleport out from under you without disturbing you.

Love,

Your greatly exasperated mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on June 15, 2013, 10:12:46 PM
Dear Mama Cat:

I think you successfully shaved a few years off my life when you returned with the rest of your litter in tow and the one kitten in my room magically turned into FOUR kittens in my room.  Thank you for bringing them in from outside, I guess?  I think I need to buy more cat food...


The babysitter, who promises cute kitten pics later after the new ones stop skittering off when I move.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Delia DeLyons on June 17, 2013, 06:20:53 PM
Dear Cannella ~

I don't think Lucy meant it to be a game of tag; I think she chased you under the dresser/bed/chair to tell you to give her space..

Still, I have to admire your tenacity in insisting on tagging her "It", again and again.  But don't come crying to m-

Oh alright, here's my lap.

Lap Lady
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Delia DeLyons on June 17, 2013, 06:23:57 PM
Dear Lucy ~

Just between us, I am so on to you... I see that twinkle in your eye, giving away that you actually *are* enjoying having someone to chase...

I notice you purr away the nights, seemingly more content than ever..

I won't tell the little one, though.  Pinkie/paw swear.

Your Doting Human
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: chibichan on June 17, 2013, 07:07:37 PM
Dear Little Boy and Little Girl ,

You have been gone for over 10 years now , but I just want you to know I think of you often and with love . You were my kids , my best friends and the finest lap-warmers a girl ever had throughout those long cold New England winters .

I am forever grateful that you shared your time here on earth with me and I miss you . I am happy knowing you have been re-born because you were GOOD KITTIES ! GOOD KITTIES ! and I just know that right now you are giving someone as much joy and comfort as you gave to me all those years ago .

Love ,

Chibi
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Mal on June 18, 2013, 05:15:08 PM
Dear cat,

so you can't hunt mice or birds. That's okay: you're twelve years old and didn't even have a garden until this year. You really didn't need to make up for it by bringing in a slug.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms_Cellany on June 18, 2013, 05:16:12 PM
Dear Finder,

Please stop peeing in the fireplace, or I'm going to tell all your eHell fans about how deceptive your incredible cuteness is.

Love,
The Person who watches the Other Person clean up the pee
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on June 18, 2013, 08:28:37 PM
Dear kitties:

I have now learned my lesson.   You do not get a refill of the dry food before bed, just more wet food.  I was kept up last night by CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH.


Love,

The provider of noms.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on June 18, 2013, 10:40:11 PM
Dear kitties:

I have now learned my lesson.   You do not get a refill of the dry food before bed, just more wet food.  I was kept up last night by CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH.


Love,

The provider of noms.
Considering that cats CAN eat dry food quietly, the CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH was probably quite deliberate.  You just didn't hear the sub-text. Translated from the feline: CRUNCHno good nomsCRUNCHjust old dry crumbs CRUNCH we'll teach themCRUNCHkeep them awake ALL NIGHT!CRUNCH
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on June 18, 2013, 11:46:30 PM
My darling Izzy,

I know you're hoping that Daddy is going to the kitchen to feed you.  But do you have to spring from the window like Rocket J. Squirrel, jump over my head and scare my half to death?  And how does a tripod kitty go from zero to 60mph from a windowsill, anyway?

Love,
Your staff
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: PastryGoddess on June 18, 2013, 11:58:29 PM
My darling Izzy,

I know you're hoping that Daddy is going to the kitchen to feed you.  But do you have to spring from the window like Rocket J. Squirrel, jump over my head and scare my half to death?  And how does a tripod kitty go from zero to 60mph from a windowsill, anyway?

Love,
Your staff

I also have a tripod kitty.  Her nickname is The Gray Ninja Assassin Cat.  It's uncanny how fast they can move
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on June 19, 2013, 12:13:02 AM
Dear kitties:

It is time to stop playing and go to sleep.  You have been playing and playing and playing all evening.  I'm pretty sure you little devils are supposed to sleep more than this!

Love,

The provider of noms.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: atirial on June 19, 2013, 02:29:12 AM
Dear Stephen,

Not every can contains tuna. Honest.

Also, after I have shown you that the tin contains peaches, this does not mean that you should climb my leg to make sure I am not hiding the real tuna tin. You weigh seven kilos, and jeans aren't meant to take that.

Regards,
The cook
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on June 19, 2013, 08:07:33 AM
Dear kitties:

It is time to stop playing and go to sleep.  You have been playing and playing and playing all evening.  I'm pretty sure you little devils are supposed to sleep more than this!

Love,

The provider of noms.

Dear greencat:

We slept all day!  All this playing is just getting us warmed up.

No sleep for you.

Love,

the kitties
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: ladyknight1 on June 19, 2013, 05:57:36 PM
Dear Mischief AKA Biscuit/Whiskers,

I understand the new shorts are green and very exciting. However, they are not related to cat nip. Why did you lick them?  :o

Your puzzled human,

LK
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: *inviteseller on June 19, 2013, 07:32:00 PM
Dear Smith & Wolfman Jack,
     Well, you are going up for adoption on Friday.  We are so sad to say good bye (the hard part of fostering!  :'( ) but even though you keep biting my toes and chewing my hair when I try to sleep, I have loved watching you grow from 2 day old little puff balls into 2 month old whirling dervishes.  The adoption center will find you wonderful fur-ever homes and I know you will give your new humans as much joy as you have given us.  And know I am going to really try to make your beautiful mommy into a house cat..it is tempting to put her back out now that she's fixed because she still is trying to kill me, but she deserves to be loved  and not thrown outside again like the evil people did to her a few years ago. 
Love,
the lady with the bandaged toes and bald spots
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: mmswm on June 20, 2013, 07:30:50 AM
Dear Tigger,

While I do appreciate the company while I pace up and down the (250 foot) driveway while I talk on the phone, must you meow so loudly while you pace with me? My boyfriend is beginning to think we don't feed you.

Love,
The provider of noms.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: *inviteseller on June 22, 2013, 06:49:52 PM
Dear Mathilda & Madelyne,
I thought I might get more than a 12 hr breather between fosters leaving and showing up!  You two are just the sweetest balls of fluff (pure Maine Coon from the looks of those paws!).  Sorry the big yellow thing is scary to you..she means no harm and will gladly play with you because sometimes she forgets she is a dog.  I love already getting nose bumps and purrs!  Whoever tossed you out into that field should be (edited for language  lol)!

Love,
the two legged thing who keep giving you belly rubs and nummies
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Julian on June 22, 2013, 07:27:22 PM
Dear Salem (AKA Fuzzbutt, Piglet, The Bottomless Pit, The Black Hole)

You are very clever.  You can pull the bathroom door open by putting your paw around the door and pulling.  But you seem to have problems with opening it from the other side.  Sweety, just push it, OK?  It will work, I assure you.

Also may I remind you that dinner time is 5:30pm.  You have biscuits and water there all day.  However your internal clock seems to run a little fast - starting to bug everyone at 4:05pm every day regular as clockwork was annoying.  Now you've shifted forward, starting at 3pm.  Really annoying. 

I suspect Morty also finds it annoying when you finish off his dinner too.  This is why he's fed elsewhere now, but you've found the new spot and still stalk his food.  And then you jump into the dog food before the dogs get a chance, and you crawl up on my lap when I'm eating to see what you can mooch as well.  You are not underfed. 

If you're not careful you won't fit through the cat flap soon...

Love

The lap owner and provider of noms
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on June 24, 2013, 01:29:31 PM
Dear Buddy;

Please be nicer to your doggy sister, Honey Girl.  I know you are *starving* despite your 3 generous meals each day.  I know that, when you are done eating your food, you finish what is left in Honey Girl's food dish, even the carrots, but please wait until she is finished eating.  Don't stick your face in the dog's food dish while she is eating.  I am amazed that she didn't even growl, but just gave you doggy "stink eye."

... and please stop with the "love bites."  They hurt!

Love,
Mommy
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Outdoor Girl on June 24, 2013, 01:31:21 PM
Dear Sassy:

Please stop standing on my boob, especially when I'm trying to take a nap.  That hurts!

Love,
The giant pillow.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Delia DeLyons on June 24, 2013, 09:16:06 PM
Dear Sassy -

I guess our humans just don't understand our paws have mammary magnets inside... Wish they'd just learn to deal... Ours' is so wiggly...and such a sailor's mouth!

Lucy & Cannella
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on June 24, 2013, 10:55:00 PM
Dear BatKittens:

Your group decision last night to gnaw on my leg was unwise.  If you continue, I will be giving away four little fur hats instead of four kittens.  Seriously.  I can sleep through you playing on me, but not when at least three of you sit on my leg and scratch and chew.  I am pretty sure I was not sentenced to the Death of One Thousand Itty-Bitty Puncture Marks.  The subsequent nightmares that you had multiplied overnight and become NINE kittens were also terrifying. 

Love,
The Babysitter
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Craftyone on July 13, 2013, 12:08:11 AM
Dear Mischka
The pesky little humans will be gone on Monday night (we've got my 10 & 8 year old nieces staying with us, who like giving her copious amount of pats). But, until then, if you're going to hide in the curtain then make sure that you don't stick your tail out, it really gives you away. You know I tell them to leave you alone if I catch them near you but I can't protect you all the time so thank you for being good about it all. Just keep sleeping in our bedroom until they go.
Love mum
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: *inviteseller on July 13, 2013, 10:04:03 AM
Dear Mischka,
  One swipe of the pointy things (just a swipe, not an actual hit) usually settles down the short two legged thing from giving squishy hugs.
Love
Mr. B & Sophie
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Nikko-chan on July 13, 2013, 09:07:24 PM
Dear Mischief,

Right now you are sleeping contentedly. In a few hours you will wake up and want to play... it will be the middle of the night and I would like to get some rest. Please sync up your schedule with mine. Thank You.

The temporary provider of housing and noms.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: starofwinter on July 17, 2013, 08:44:09 PM
Dear tiny feral outside,
Please be careful!  You're very small and very easily hurt.  I wish you would let me catch you and make sure you're alright.  I'm very sorry I frightened you earlier, but at least I now know all your pointy ends are working.  Ow.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: *inviteseller on July 17, 2013, 10:02:52 PM
Dear Phinneus (formerly mathilda  oops),
I was so glad that you took the time to stalk and get that moth at 4 this morning.  How ever would I have lived with it in my house?  And thanks for making sure I was awake to see this brave act,  sorry I came flying down the steps looking like a crazy lady..for all the noise your 4 lb self was making, I thought I was being invaded.  Of course, I am happy you saved your final acrobatic feat for me to see when you launched yourself at the moth, who made the mistake of landing on the curtain.  It was as if time stood still as I watched you go swinging on my favorite summer drapes, so Tarzan like, with the sound of it ripping straight across.  I appreciate the new look of one side being a drape, the other side, now just a valance.   The lamp is cracked, the drapes are shot, but gosh darnit, that evil moth was caught!

Sincerely,
The lady that thinks you are too crazy and I will never find you a permanent home
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: AnnaT on July 18, 2013, 12:19:28 AM
[Like Button]  ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Venus193 on July 19, 2013, 07:31:30 AM
Dear Carmen and Figaro,

It's too hot to cuddle right now.  Please remember that because you get your shedding hair all over your human mum who then has to take a cold bath to get it off.

And Figaro, please don't object when Mum wipes you down with cool water on a paper towel.  It's too hot for any of us and that cools you off.  Just don't lick it off and you'll be fine.

Love,

Your unemployed mum who loves you very much
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: *inviteseller on July 19, 2013, 01:01:43 PM
Dear Madelyne,
  I thought you were the good one!!!  I loved that lamp!  I was willing to pay big bucks just to have it!  I told my own children what horrible things would rain down on their heads if anything happened to it!  When you dove on the table and lost your footing (you are not a graceful kitten!)  I saw it tipping, and it was like a movie scene..everything went slow motion..the lamp wobbling, me yelling noooooooo and trying to get to it, then it hitting the floor, smashing into more pieces than I thought it could.  At least you didn't look proud as your brother did when he destroyed the drapes, but then you performed the encore of racing up stairs, diving on my dresser and wiping out all my Knick Knacks and picture frames.  I surrender..you 2 will have my house in a pile of rubble before I find you homes !

Signed,
The lady bubble wrapping everything

PS..It is 93 degrees, I don't have air..quit sleeping on my darn face!
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Amara on July 19, 2013, 02:01:57 PM
Oooh, *inviteseller, that is bad! I am so sorry.

I recently found and bought a lovely lace tablecloth at my favorite thrift store. Never mind that it was only $10, I love it. But I didn't put it on the table for several days for exactly that reason until I remembered that none of my three have been on that table for a while. Not because they don't want to but because they have gotten older. They are now 12, 11, and 10 years old so they don't even try to jump that far anymore. Thank goodness; there are benefits to older kitties.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: *inviteseller on July 19, 2013, 02:32:49 PM
Yeah..no table clothes here..obviously I can't have drapes, lamps, picture frames, a good nights sleep...
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ser Lucien Liliane on July 19, 2013, 05:51:31 PM
Dear Branwen the Awful,

Oh cat. Look. I love you to death, cat. Why else would I keep buying you expensive canned food to treat you in addition to the dry food that's always out? And I know you adore that food - you shove your face right in the dish and inhale it like you haven't been fed in weeks!

But while I love you dearly, I really don't love when you eat so fast that you then proceed to deposit your just-inhaled food on the floor in a disgusting heap. And I REALLY don't love when you stand over it, pawing disdainfully at the floor as if trying to cover it up, so I can't clean it up before it dries into the carpet. You only weigh twelve pounds, cat, and I weigh a hundred and two, so don't look so offended when I bodily move you away from the mess.

Get over it, cat. And please eat a little bit slower, will you?

Dear Rika the Angry Fluff,

Why in the seven bloody hells do YOU not eat canned food or treats?! I would be very happy if you would even deign to push it away with a paw and walk off! Or even sniff it! But no, you avoid it like it threatened to give you a bath! You picky little ball of angry fluff! You're just lucky you're adorable and I don't mind when you try to eat my spicy crisps...but please keep your head out of the bag next time, you little brat.

Love, that warm clumsy thing that feeds and brushes and pets you.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: stargazer on July 19, 2013, 08:09:06 PM
Dear Mouse,

What in the world did you get into last night?  Your poor paw pad is torn and bloody.  I'm sorry about the vet but it was necessary.  Nice guilt job with the crying though.   Luckily he doesn't think there is anything stuck in it and gave you a pain shot and antibiotics.  Don't give me looks when I don't let you outside for the next couple of days.  Until you stop limping or lifting your paw you are on lockdown inside.   
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Fliss on July 19, 2013, 08:47:39 PM
Dear Sam

I realise that as a young rotty, you have lots of energy. Far more than I can burn off by taking walks every morning. However -- this does not mean you need to try and dig Australia's newest open sky mine in the backyard every morning.

So far, your deepest attempt in only a metre, and the rhumba that your tail and backside were doing as the only visible part of you out of the hole was cute. But it has to stop! If you dug up near the dead tree stump, we wouldn't mind, but you insist on digging right in the middle of the drive, and if I don't find and fill one in time, we're going to break an axle.

In short -- you aren't contracted to a mining company, and there's no ores of ANY sort in the yard. So please, enough digging already!

The shovel wielder.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: greencat on July 19, 2013, 10:49:24 PM
Dear Princess,

My head is not for sleeping on.  For that matter, my pillow is for my head, not for you.  I'm already having respiratory issues (which are much better now after my first day on antibiotics and steroids!) and having a face full of cat does not help.

Love,

The person trying to breathe.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ms Marple on July 20, 2013, 06:57:50 AM
Ms Neenah Cat advises that breathing is overrated.  ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: fabric-dragon on July 20, 2013, 07:58:12 AM
Dear Branwen the Awful,

I am forcing Mommy to come out of lurkdom to send you this message.  Tell your Mommy to spread your yummy gushy food  on a big plate.  My Mommy does this with my gushy foods to force me to slow down.  It helps to keep the yummys in my tummy. 

Yours in love of gushy foods
Grizel the Invincible
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: missanpan on July 20, 2013, 11:52:28 AM
Dear Kimmie-cat, a.k.a. Kimmie-bean,

How in the world did you know that I intended to take you and Momo to the vet's office? I didn't even say the words vet, shot or cat carrier. Heck, I didn't even make a move towards the closet where the carriers are kept. And yet there you were, hiding under the bed refusing to come out. Luckily, Momo is a bit dim and couldn't figure out why you were hiding out.

From she who begs for forgiveness for the horrible vet visit transgression.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: *inviteseller on July 20, 2013, 12:01:33 PM
Dear Kimmie-cat,
Oh our silly owners think we don't know, but we can read minds.  Next time, if your food giver gets you out from under the bed, do what we do..grow 6 more legs and spread them all out so they can't get you in the carrier. 

Purrs and Head Butts,
Mr. B, Sophie, Lola, & Jezebel
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ser Lucien Liliane on July 20, 2013, 12:16:10 PM
Dear Grizel the Invincible,

Not-Furry One is already threatening to mash my food to the bottom of my dish so I have to WORK at it. I like the plate idea better. I will pass it on, along with a good dose of my very favorite kitty stinkeye that she would even THINK about making me WORK for my food. Hmph.

Viva la gooshy,
Branwen the Not So Awful No Really
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: guihong on July 20, 2013, 04:05:19 PM
Dear Gracie and Izzy:

The hoomans at the vet's will take good care of you and probably give you better gooshyfood than I do.  They will put you two in a large place because Mommy said both of you will cry if you can't find the other (even on the other side of a door  ::)).  You'll have a nice blanket to sleep on, and supervised stretch-out time in a big room.  It's going to be OK!  It really wasn't necessary to yowl in harmony in the waiting room so loudly that people from the back came out to see what was going on.

With that said...your dishes with the remains of your breakfasts look so lonely.  It's too quiet in here.  I miss you guys.

Love,
The one who decided to board you

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ser Lucien Liliane on July 21, 2013, 02:22:45 PM
*sigh*

Dear Branwen,

Thank you very much for not horking up your canned food yesterday. And while it pains me to praise you for waking me up with your horking this afternoon, thank you for at least not horking up anything SOLID.

But did you really have to hork up liquid on my carpet? Cat, you know I can't see liquid on the shag carpet. That stuff looks no different no matter what you spill/drop/whatever on it.

I'm really not happy that I keep stepping in it. It's too dingdangity hot for shoes.

Please to be stopping with the hork. Or at least do it in the kitchen. And don't wake me after I've spent all night unable to breathe and FINALLY got some sleep.  >:(

Dear Rika,
Thank you for not having a touchy stomach. Also thank you for letting me gently pin you down and brush the mats out of your belly fur. You're such a good fluff.

Mumble grumble sigh,
the Not-Furry-One.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenHall on July 21, 2013, 04:21:00 PM
Dear Renfield,
You are very good at looking terribly abused.  The problem is that putting flea stuff on your neck isn't abuse.  We are both upset by the time I mange to catch you long enough to squeeze the tiny little tube of stuff on your neck.  Afterwards, your only injury is to your dignity. 
We would both be more dignified if you we're a little less stubborn about this.

Love,
I don't really enjoy fleas in my bed, so we ARE going to keep doing this.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Fliss on July 21, 2013, 05:59:16 PM

Dear Renfield,

Ugh! Hitchikers! Don't they just make you scratch and nibble your tail like mad, mate?!

But be happy your Human only has to use 'The Tube' to make you bug-free. We got what felt like hundreds of the little itchies in a few hours (or it seemed like), and our Humans had to wash all their bedding, and our beds and blankets in that smelly eucalyptus stuff! Didn't smell like our nice, warm, cozy den at all.

THEN they took us to our favourite pet store and gave us a (shudder) b-a-t-h. With more smelly euca-whatever stuff. All the other dogs laughed at us! I saw a poodle sniggering as we went past. AND then they put The Tube stuff on us anyway!

Be glad it's just The Tube for you, mate.

Mates in itchies.....
The Demon Twins.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: magicdomino on July 22, 2013, 09:25:36 AM
It's so embarrassing when the poodles snicker.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: twiggy on July 22, 2013, 10:30:17 AM
Dear Ninja

I know you're just trying to live up to your name, but please stop riding the puppies. They don't see you coming when you leap down from the couch, all they know is there's suddenly something sharp on their back. Don't be so surprised when the boys roll over and pin you down. You started this game; if you don't want them to gnaw on your ear, don't jump on them. Also, quit playing with Penny. She's the littlest and when you knock her over, she cries. Stop hiding under the coffee table, waiting to pounce on unsuspecting puppies. I got you that cat tree to play on/rest in/scratch on. I didn't get it to facilitate your sneak attacks.

On another note, I know that you are superior to the dogs in every way, and it stands to reason that you should get first crack at any water or treats given. But do you really have to dash in from the other room to push the puppies out of the way and splash your paw in the water every time they try to get a drink?

Love,

The Referee
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on July 22, 2013, 02:10:25 PM
Dear Rika the Angry Fluff,

Why in the seven bloody hells do YOU not eat canned food or treats?! I would be very happy if you would even deign to push it away with a paw and walk off! Or even sniff it! But no, you avoid it like it threatened to give you a bath! You picky little ball of angry fluff!
Our vet told us that some cats become almost addicted to crunchy kibbles and will turn their noses up at mushy canned food.  We are lucky that Buddy Boy (aka Mr. Buddy Guy) will eat anything, including the carrots left in the dog's food bowl.  The dog, Honey Girl, will not eat carrots and will spit them out if she finds them in her food.  The dog is finicky; The cat will eat anything.

The vet also said that we have to watch the ash content of any kibbles we might feed Buddy as male cats develop kidney stones &/or urinary tract blockages.  Having only had female cats up till now, we didn't know this about male cats.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Ser Lucien Liliane on July 22, 2013, 07:29:10 PM
Our vet told us that some cats become almost addicted to crunchy kibbles and will turn their noses up at mushy canned food.  We are lucky that Buddy Boy (aka Mr. Buddy Guy) will eat anything, including the carrots left in the dog's food bowl.  The dog, Honey Girl, will not eat carrots and will spit them out if she finds them in her food.  The dog is finicky; The cat will eat anything.

The vet also said that we have to watch the ash content of any kibbles we might feed Buddy as male cats develop kidney stones &/or urinary tract blockages.  Having only had female cats up till now, we didn't know this about male cats.

Rika's...problematic. It took me forever to get her off low-quality grocery store kibble and onto a much better food. She was literally starving herself before I managed to get her to FINALLY start eating the good stuff.

Why? She fixates on the SHAPE. She was on Meow Mix when I got her and honestly, I'm not sure how I got her to start eating anything else, because it wasn't the same SHAPE. (Then again, she's special. Polycystic kidney disease - at a year and a half old when I got her! (she's almost four now) - and feline cutaneous asthenia, which basically means her skin can split if she even grooms herself too violently...) I'd love for her to occasionally nosh on some canned or treats to get a little more weight on her, but she isn't underweight, at least.

Branwen, on the other hand...yeah. She'll eat anything. She even threatens to eat the forty-pound standard poodle. It's hilarious.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: misha412 on July 24, 2013, 07:40:56 AM
My dearest Rukia,

It is not a smart idea to put your nose on the dog's plate when dog is eating from it. I know the big slobbery mutt has not growled or shown teeth when you do that, but don't push it!! You are 10 lbs. He is 90 lbs. Plus, he has big teeth that could do serious damage.

I thought you were smarter than your cat brother, but even he hasn't tried that one yet.

Love, the one that serves all animal food and cleans the litter box

Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: GreenHall on July 24, 2013, 08:32:58 PM
@%#}#%Ä Renfield,
I know the weather has been very wet recently, and the air damp even when water is not falling from the sky.  I don't know why last night and tonight you decided to play "stair monster" but this needs to stop.  You look cute, but the flaying of the skin is decidedly less so.  I had to arm myself with the water gun to go back downstairs.  Your "I'm so abused" body language, as you hide behind furniture, is rather less guilt inducing while I am still bleeding!

Signed,
The really big cat toy, apparently

P.s. this is why you were almost introduced to the vet as dingdangity-it Cat mylastname

ETA, yeah, while cute, dingdangity is not the cat's almost name....
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Fliss on July 24, 2013, 09:01:59 PM
Quote from: GreenHall

P.s. this is why you were almost introduced to the vet as dingdangity-it Cat mylastname


(sigh) This sounds like similar reasoning why Sam and Max are known as "The Demon Twins".

Fliss
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Lynnv on July 24, 2013, 09:37:18 PM
Quote from: GreenHall

P.s. this is why you were almost introduced to the vet as dingdangity-it Cat mylastname


(sigh) This sounds like similar reasoning why Sam and Max are known as "The Demon Twins".

Fliss

And a cat my mom had when I was a kid named Booger You Little S___ Lastname.   Insert a not quite eHell approved word for S___.   ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Elfmama on July 25, 2013, 02:55:29 AM
Dear Kimmie-cat,
Oh our silly owners think we don't know, but we can read minds.  Next time, if your food giver gets you out from under the bed, do what we do..grow 6 more legs and spread them all out so they can't get you in the carrier. 

Purrs and Head Butts,
Mr. B, Sophie, Lola, & Jezebel
Dear *Inviteseller,

Reverse the offending cats and put them into the carrier butt-first.  By the time they've figured out that you have tricked them, it's too late.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Fliss on July 25, 2013, 03:28:14 AM

What's interesting is how an animal make itself 5 times heavier inside 30 seconds when you try and move it. A sleepy rotty, that seemed to only weigh 10kgs, suddenly weighs every bit of his 40kgs when you try and use the lounge.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Midnight Kitty on July 25, 2013, 12:42:13 PM

What's interesting is how an animal make itself 5 times heavier inside 30 seconds when you try and move it. A sleepy rotty, that seemed to only weigh 10kgs, suddenly weighs every bit of his 40kgs when you try and use the lounge.
Oh yes.  There must be a special axiom of physics that explains this apparent violation of the Conservation of Mass law.  The real Midnight Kitty (RIP) violated the law of gravity frequently.  Her normal weight was 8 pounds.  She could defy gravity and levitate or turn into the 800 pound kitty that sits where ever she wants.

Violating the thread's cat theme, our newly rescued dog, Honey Girl, can also make herself 5 times heavier the second she settles down on top of me.  She goes from 13 pounds of kinetic energy to 65 pounds of dead weight. ;D
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Julian on July 25, 2013, 06:35:33 PM
Both cats and dogs can not only make themselves heavier, but they can expand to fit spaces.

Morty (cat) usually sleeps on Housemate's bed.  It is a full size queen.  She usually ends up right on the edge, with Mr Morty hogging the rest...

Both of my dogs can fill up my queen bed as well.  They're not much bigger than the cat.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Fliss on July 25, 2013, 07:31:33 PM

And legs! Have you noticed how those flexible legs, that seem to be able to move through 8 dimensions suddenly become as rigid as tree-stumps the moment you try and shift an animal to take up less room? A Chihuaha asleep can take up the same amount of space as a Great Dane.

Animal physics is a very neglected area of study . . . .
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: twiggy on July 25, 2013, 10:29:34 PM
Dear Ninja

If you don't want to be hit in the face with wet towels, stay out of the dryer. And thank you for adding another step to the laundry process. Though I applaud your efficiency in covering the clothes in kitty hair before they're even folded or hung. (or thrown on the couch to be folded/hung)

Sincerely,
The newly appointed dryer inspector
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Editeer on July 26, 2013, 01:20:06 PM
Dear Cylver,

Yes, I get up earlier than I used to because of my new job. Yes, sometimes I oversleep. However, that does not mean I need you to give me a wake-up reminder an entire hour before my alarm goes off. Stop bugging me at 5:30 AM.

And especially don't leave your latest catch on the floor for me to admire. If I had stepped on that dead mouse when I got out of bed, you'd be in orbit.

You're darned lucky you're so beautiful.
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: Snooks on July 26, 2013, 03:54:20 PM
Dear Kimmie-cat,
Oh our silly owners think we don't know, but we can read minds.  Next time, if your food giver gets you out from under the bed, do what we do..grow 6 more legs and spread them all out so they can't get you in the carrier. 

Purrs and Head Butts,
Mr. B, Sophie, Lola, & Jezebel
Dear *Inviteseller,

Reverse the offending cats and put them into the carrier butt-first.  By the time they've figured out that you have tricked them, it's too late.

But then the really pointy bits are facing you.

Dear Kimmie-cat

I second the advise given above.  My brother is stupid and falls for their tricks.  I just move further towards the middle and the back.  They can't get you there plus it makes them really agitated when they have to lie on their stomachs and wave their arms around to try and touch you.

Miss J
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: camlan on July 26, 2013, 05:18:59 PM
Dear Cylver,

Yes, I get up earlier than I used to because of my new job. Yes, sometimes I oversleep. However, that does not mean I need you to give me a wake-up reminder an entire hour before my alarm goes off. Stop bugging me at 5:30 AM.

And especially don't leave your latest catch on the floor for me to admire. If I had stepped on that dead mouse when I got out of bed, you'd be in orbit.

You're darned lucky you're so beautiful.

Dear Cylver,

Do not listen to your human. The dead mouse, appropriately placed, is an excellent training tool for your human.

I have trained mine to always put her glasses on before getting out of bed by putting the dead mouse right where her feet always go. Now she no longer "accidentally" steps on me as she stumbles to the bathroom.

She has also learned to make her bed every day, due to one particularly well-placed mouse.

I have tried using the fake furry mice, but they do not have the desired effect, especially since the fake-furry-mouse-under-the-pillow incident. Since then, the human has only provided the furry mice in vile florescent colors. Seriously, does she really think I believe that mice are green and pink and yellow?

However, despite my best efforts, she shows no signs of learning how to catch her own mice. This is not good, because she continues to insist that I exert my energy to deal with the little rodents.

Wishing you the best of luck with your training program,

Fred
Title: Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
Post by: missanpan on July 26, 2013, 10:51:12 PM
Dear Kimmie-cat,
Oh our silly owners think we don't know, but we can read minds.  Next time, if your food giver gets you out from under the bed, do what we do..grow 6 more legs and spread them all out so they can't get you in the carrier. 

Purrs and Head Butts,
Mr. B, Sophie, Lola, & Jezebel