Etiquette Hell

A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. Guests, register for forum membership to see all the boards. => Humor Me! => Topic started by: Kimblee on May 23, 2010, 03:44:12 PM

Title: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on May 23, 2010, 03:44:12 PM
I fear I am a bad person. Because this situation still makes me laugh like a loon. So i submit to eHell, how bad is it that this whole thing made me laugh?

First i will introduce the players:

Mandy and Courtney, MALE identical twins who also happened to be albino. As in long white hair, pinkish eyes. (they are also breathtakingly physically perfect, at least I think so. I have some pictures of them that still make me giggle like the demented schoolgirl I once was.)

B, who has CP and yet was one of the fastest runners in our school. In a walker. Oh, and she thinks that anyone who dares lose to her should then be taunted for eternity with "So.... you got your donkey handed to you by a "ripple-with-a-C" ya know..."

Me, Kimmie.

and

L, a football player. he's also pretty cool in his own right, but is more my aquaintance than a friend. He married B, and claims she wears the pants in the house.

School was over for the day, and it was super wet, so i went to the gym, and Mandy was sitting on the bleachers with his eyes shut, wearing all white (which was a strange habit of his. he just really liked white. And hunter green.) I walked over and sat by him, confused, and he sat giggling softly, but not moving. I poked him, and he just kept giggling. So I finally demanded to know what he was doing. Without moving or opening his eyes, and in a patronizing tone he replied

"I am invisible, OBVIOUSLY."

I couldn't stop laughing.

Be came over soon,a nd I told her that Mandy was invisible. She snickered and asked how it was I could see him. I told her I wa smagic, and that she could tell he was there because I was talking to him. Then she got in a funny.

"I just assumed you were talking to the imaginary friends again."

Mandy: Buuuuurn things.... and you are Napoleon! (pronounced Nah poolee ahhn!)

So we three sat snickering, as Courtney came in (dressed fairly normally I guess I don't remember what he wore) and sat beside his brother.

To recap:   !B!Kimmie!Mandy!Courtney!

And then L came in and blinked at us. B told him Mandy was invisible. So he blinked, looked up and down and said "Okay. So we've got a {ripple with a c], a crazy, a ghost and... what is Courtney?

At which Courtney smirked and said "Courtney is a LAYDEEEE"

I have no clue why Courtney was a lady, but I laughed until i was sure I would wet myself.

And yet I'm pretty sure none of this should have really been funny.

So Ehellions, anything you think is funny but deep down know was probably wrong on multiple levels?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Giggity on May 23, 2010, 03:46:07 PM
Darn near everything, which is why I keep getting into trouble.  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Black Delphinium on May 23, 2010, 04:12:45 PM
Had a guy in my class all through school that had a fake leg. One day in middle school gym class, he went up for a kick in kickball.

His fake foot broke off and went flying. Apparently, it was very rude of my to laugh at that, even though he was laughing too( a girl in our class told me it was rude, not him).
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on May 23, 2010, 04:56:03 PM
Had a guy in my class all through school that had a fake leg. One day in middle school gym class, he went up for a kick in kickball.

His fake foot broke off and went flying. Apparently, it was very rude of my to laugh at that, even though he was laughing too( a girl in our class told me it was rude, not him).

Question is.... did anyone tell him he didn't have a "leg to stand on"?

*slinks away*
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Clara Bow on May 23, 2010, 05:39:37 PM
Darn near everything, which is why I keep getting into trouble.  ;D

Seriously. I should be imprisoned in the Behavioral Sciences division of the FBI for eternal observation due to my horribly sick and twisted sense of humor. I mean, seriously. There is no subject too sacred, no joke too dark, no humor too sick. I get the giggles at funerals....and that's the mildest.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Wendy Moira Angela Pan on May 23, 2010, 07:18:03 PM
I have a story. My grandfather died last July, and there wasn't much money for a funeral, so the service was held in this hokey little funeral home. It really was gross. The carpet was bright red and matted with age, and there were water stains on the walls. Some of us grandchildren were off in this little room to the side. It's hard to explain, but we weren't sitting in the pews with the rest of the mourners. Right before the service started, my husband got up to use the bathroom. About a minute into the eulogy, he came back from the bathroom, slid into the seat next to me and hissed in my ear, "There's a cockroach on the toilet seat!"

Oh man. I lost it. I was absolutely silent, but I laughed like a loon. And when I finally got a grip on myself, my husband nudged me and jerked his head toward the bathroom. The cockroach had emerged, and it was scuttling towards us. I looked around and realized all my cousins were watching it too, and we were all trying not to laugh. As soon as the cockroach got close enough, my husband, without moving any other part of his body, sort of kicked his leg out and stomped on the roach. I'm laughing even now just thinking of it. It was an extremely surreal moment.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: purplemuse on May 24, 2010, 08:25:11 AM
I can't think of any examples right now, but my pastor has this knack for saying things in his sermons that aren't funny on their own, necessarily, but have some connection to an inside joke, or something funny I saw or heard recently.

So more than once, I've been sitting in church, trying desperately not to laugh because everyone would think I was either rude or insane.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: clairesmom77 on May 24, 2010, 08:45:10 AM
Thing 1:
I teach at a high school.  There is another teacher who is very very strange.  And when he talks, it's hilarious.  And he has no clue about what's going on around him.  In addition, he can't remember any of the student's names, so when speaking to one another about his class, the students call each other whatever "name" he calls them in class.  Usually, it's a name totally unrelated to their real name. 

I have a female student who does this impression of him that is so dead on . . it's uncanny.  (Note:  I heard this impression outside of school.  I also socialize with her parents, and she was telling a story about him at a BBQ, so I had no authority to tell her to stop.)  I can no longer talk to the other teacher without holding back a laugh.

On Friday, I witnessed him display genuine shock and awe that a student had a cell phone in which one can store phone numbers for future use.  I.lost.it.  I had to leave the room.

Thing 2:
When I was in college, I had this required class about teaching special needs kids.  There was this woman who thought she knew everything.  She went on and on about everything and was supremely annoying. 

On the first day, we had to write about why we chose to become teachers.  When the professor asked if anyone would like to share, of course her hand shot up.  She told this really long story about why she wants to be a teacher, and in it revealed a childhood nickname that she hated.  By the end of the story, she was sobbing.  It was so melodramatic and not the time or place for such a show.

By the end of the semester, everyone had had it with her.  One day, she started telling another story.  The guy behind me muttered, "Shut up, *childhood nickname*."  Those of us who heard it laughed out loud for a few seconds before catching ourselves.  Cue snickers for the rest of the class until we could get in the hall and really let loose.  During the class, I kept replaying the hilariousness in my mind and could barely keep myself in check. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ygraine on May 24, 2010, 10:25:10 AM
Darn near everything, which is why I keep getting into trouble.  ;D

Seriously. I should be imprisoned in the Behavioral Sciences division of the FBI for eternal observation due to my horribly sick and twisted sense of humor. I mean, seriously. There is no subject too sacred, no joke too dark, no humor too sick. I get the giggles at funerals....and that's the mildest.

Scootch over - I'll be joining you. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on May 24, 2010, 10:42:50 AM
Darn near everything, which is why I keep getting into trouble.  ;D

Seriously. I should be imprisoned in the Behavioral Sciences division of the FBI for eternal observation due to my horribly sick and twisted sense of humor. I mean, seriously. There is no subject too sacred, no joke too dark, no humor too sick. I get the giggles at funerals....and that's the mildest.

Scootch over - I'll be joining you. 

I hope there's room for me in that prison.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on May 24, 2010, 11:26:12 AM
One happened this morning.

I was talking to my cousin on speaker phone, and my other cousin was over with her baby. (I'd better give names... Phone cousin is Winkin, Cousin with Baby is Blinkin, and Winkin's daughter is Nod.)

So Winkin is telling me that Blinkin's new baby has been colicy, when I hear Nod suddenly say "Blinkin!Toddler has her head stuck in the barney potty again!"

Blinkin, without missing a beat "Six more weeks of PBS Fund drives!"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on May 24, 2010, 11:34:33 AM
I belong to the "everything is up for jokes at some point" school of thought because I cope with life by "whistling in the dark." I do try to keep my more offensive humour to myself, but I laugh inappropriately all the time.

My SO, who is Jewish and had relatives die in the Holocaust, once made a Holocaust joke. I gawped at him for a solid 5 seconds at least before laughing. (He's the kind of person who's genuinely kind and generous, but can be really "evil" in his thinking and practical jokes. I call him Stalin. When he recently asked why I call him Stalin, I said because he'd be offended if I called him Hitler. Then we both laughed inappropriately.)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sterling on May 25, 2010, 04:24:43 PM
Right now I am going through one of those times in your life where everything I touch turns to crap.

Last night I realized my roomate has quit her job (for very good reason) and won't be able to pay rent, school this summer is looking like a no go and I am starting to fear I will never find a better job.

My boyfriend leaned in to kiss me and the second his lips touched mine I started laughing these huge donkey belly laughs.  He just sort of looked at me and I said "I just had a terrible thought.  the only thing left to go wrong is for you to tell me you are a woman."

He got really serious and said "No but I need to confess something. I am a polygamous with 5 wives and 14 children."

And this is why I date him.  Not that funny in writing but in the mood I was in it was exactly the right thing to say.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Wendy Moira Angela Pan on May 25, 2010, 04:41:52 PM
A couple of days ago, my sister and I were having a jokey argument on Facebook. One of her responses to me was, "*eye role*" and I wrote back "Don't you mean *eye roll*?" My husband jumped in to say, "See, Wendy, this is why nobody likes you."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: MaggieB on May 25, 2010, 05:10:12 PM
Darn near everything, which is why I keep getting into trouble.  ;D

Seriously. I should be imprisoned in the Behavioral Sciences division of the FBI for eternal observation due to my horribly sick and twisted sense of humor. I mean, seriously. There is no subject too sacred, no joke too dark, no humor too sick. I get the giggles at funerals....and that's the mildest.

Scootch over - I'll be joining you. 

I hope there's room for me in that prison.

Me too.  Once I was playing a board game with a group of my friends and one of the questions was "What is one thing that should never be joked about?"  I could not think of one thing.

I love it when people say "I have a dark sense of humor, but *blank* is just crossing the line!"  Not dark enough for me.   ;) 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Samantha on May 25, 2010, 08:00:55 PM
At graduation (college), the chancellor was talking about students with major milestones. A married couple was graduating and between the two of them, they have a total of 10 kids. The chancellor then wrapped up with a comment about how they had been busy! There was a brief pause while people asked if they had heard her correctly and then muffled giggles from all over the place.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: momof2weenies on May 26, 2010, 01:31:53 PM
At my grandfather's funeral a few years ago, my grandmother had asked a longtime friend & coworker of hers to deliver the "official" eulogy.  It was very much fire-and-brimstone, which wasn't at all grandpa's style, and I remember sitting in the front pew of the memorial service, squeezing my brother's hand for dear life, laughing (quietly) so hard that my shoulders were shaking and my eyes watering.  At least I was able to pass it off as crying at the time.  Grandpa would have laughed, too!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: ladiedeathe on May 26, 2010, 01:54:42 PM
My late sis had a hysterical and utterly black sense of humor- she could make anything funny. Sis was always at her worst while she was trying not to break down at funerals; she kept herself from falling apart with the worst comments to me and our brothers. We were usually choking from trying not to laugh at every funeral.

Sis was 31 when she died, on a snowy/icy day in Feb. She was a larger size girl and died at home. We were all at the house and near collapse when the funeral home came to get her. Because we are family, the funeral home owner sent his 2 oldest and most senior (emphasis on senior) staff to pick her up (men who knew Sis from birth and were crying with us as they got her).

These poor poor old men load her up, take her out the door, and hit the icy, snowy slope down to the hearse. One of them falls.

They lose control of the gurney and body- which tear off down the hill, alone.

Sis (in bag) hits the ground and sleds down the hill in a dead heat with the gurney. Both slam into the side of the hearse.

FH guys are horror stricken; the one who fell has tears rolling down his face as he apologizes.

We lose it- my Aunt, brother, and I laugh until we ache, trying all the while to reassure the poor man that it is only Sis's sick sense of humor still in effect tring to keep us from collapsing under our grief.

We help put her back on the gurney with tears of laughter rather than pain on our faces.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Clara Bow on May 26, 2010, 02:29:55 PM
Darn near everything, which is why I keep getting into trouble.  ;D

Seriously. I should be imprisoned in the Behavioral Sciences division of the FBI for eternal observation due to my horribly sick and twisted sense of humor. I mean, seriously. There is no subject too sacred, no joke too dark, no humor too sick. I get the giggles at funerals....and that's the mildest.

Scootch over - I'll be joining you. 

I hope there's room for me in that prison.

Me too.  Once I was playing a board game with a group of my friends and one of the questions was "What is one thing that should never be joked about?"  I could not think of one thing.

I love it when people say "I have a dark sense of humor, but *blank* is just crossing the line!"  Not dark enough for me.   ;) 

We're going to be fast friends..... >:D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Clara Bow on May 26, 2010, 02:31:38 PM
My late sis had a hysterical and utterly black sense of humor- she could make anything funny. Sis was always at her worst while she was trying not to break down at funerals; she kept herself from falling apart with the worst comments to me and our brothers. We were usually choking from trying not to laugh at every funeral.

Sis was 31 when she died, on a snowy/icy day in Feb. She was a larger size girl and died at home. We were all at the house and near collapse when the funeral home came to get her. Because we are family, the funeral home owner sent his 2 oldest and most senior (emphasis on senior) staff to pick her up (men who knew Sis from birth and were crying with us as they got her).

These poor poor old men load her up, take her out the door, and hit the icy, snowy slope down to the hearse. One of them falls.

They lose control of the gurney and body- which tear off down the hill, alone.

Sis (in bag) hits the ground and sleds down the hill in a dead heat with the gurney. Both slam into the side of the hearse.

FH guys are horror stricken; the one who fell has tears rolling down his face as he apologizes.

We lose it- my Aunt, brother, and I laugh until we ache, trying all the while to reassure the poor man that it is only Sis's sick sense of humor still in effect tring to keep us from collapsing under our grief.

We help put her back on the gurney with tears of laughter rather than pain on our faces.

I cannot tell you how hard I laughed at this. This is epic, I love it!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on May 26, 2010, 03:01:12 PM
My late sis had a hysterical and utterly black sense of humor- she could make anything funny. Sis was always at her worst while she was trying not to break down at funerals; she kept herself from falling apart with the worst comments to me and our brothers. We were usually choking from trying not to laugh at every funeral.

Sis was 31 when she died, on a snowy/icy day in Feb. She was a larger size girl and died at home. We were all at the house and near collapse when the funeral home came to get her. Because we are family, the funeral home owner sent his 2 oldest and most senior (emphasis on senior) staff to pick her up (men who knew Sis from birth and were crying with us as they got her).

These poor poor old men load her up, take her out the door, and hit the icy, snowy slope down to the hearse. One of them falls.

They lose control of the gurney and body- which tear off down the hill, alone.

Sis (in bag) hits the ground and sleds down the hill in a dead heat with the gurney. Both slam into the side of the hearse.

FH guys are horror stricken; the one who fell has tears rolling down his face as he apologizes.

We lose it- my Aunt, brother, and I laugh until we ache, trying all the while to reassure the poor man that it is only Sis's sick sense of humor still in effect tring to keep us from collapsing under our grief.

We help put her back on the gurney with tears of laughter rather than pain on our faces.

I cannot tell you how hard I laughed at this. This is epic, I love it!

I nearly wet myself... That is truely epic.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Bellantara on May 26, 2010, 03:09:30 PM
My late sis had a hysterical and utterly black sense of humor- she could make anything funny. Sis was always at her worst while she was trying not to break down at funerals; she kept herself from falling apart with the worst comments to me and our brothers. We were usually choking from trying not to laugh at every funeral.

Sis was 31 when she died, on a snowy/icy day in Feb. She was a larger size girl and died at home. We were all at the house and near collapse when the funeral home came to get her. Because we are family, the funeral home owner sent his 2 oldest and most senior (emphasis on senior) staff to pick her up (men who knew Sis from birth and were crying with us as they got her).

These poor poor old men load her up, take her out the door, and hit the icy, snowy slope down to the hearse. One of them falls.

They lose control of the gurney and body- which tear off down the hill, alone.

Sis (in bag) hits the ground and sleds down the hill in a dead heat with the gurney. Both slam into the side of the hearse.

FH guys are horror stricken; the one who fell has tears rolling down his face as he apologizes.

We lose it- my Aunt, brother, and I laugh until we ache, trying all the while to reassure the poor man that it is only Sis's sick sense of humor still in effect tring to keep us from collapsing under our grief.

We help put her back on the gurney with tears of laughter rather than pain on our faces.
My boss has a client in her office behind me.  I'm at my desk choking trying not to scream with laughter, because I can picture it!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Black Delphinium on May 26, 2010, 04:22:20 PM
On a similar note, I lost my BFF when we were 22. He was quite flamboyant fellow, if you get me, though his parents were never told.

So flamboyant, that he couldn't even go into the grave straight. The coffin got stuck at an odd angle, so one of the grave workers jumped down onto the coffin to fix it.

Being the wit I am, I turned to Simkin and whispered "(Friend's name) always did want someone to go down on him."


Ooooh, the death glare I got from our at-the-time-roommate. But it was something he'd have found funny.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: workingmum on May 26, 2010, 08:24:22 PM
ladiedeathe - i am so sorry about your sister... but that was the funniest thing i have read in a long time!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ygraine on May 27, 2010, 05:33:56 AM
My late sis had a hysterical and utterly black sense of humor- she could make anything funny. Sis was always at her worst while she was trying not to break down at funerals; she kept herself from falling apart with the worst comments to me and our brothers. We were usually choking from trying not to laugh at every funeral.

Sis was 31 when she died, on a snowy/icy day in Feb. She was a larger size girl and died at home. We were all at the house and near collapse when the funeral home came to get her. Because we are family, the funeral home owner sent his 2 oldest and most senior (emphasis on senior) staff to pick her up (men who knew Sis from birth and were crying with us as they got her).

These poor poor old men load her up, take her out the door, and hit the icy, snowy slope down to the hearse. One of them falls.

They lose control of the gurney and body- which tear off down the hill, alone.

Sis (in bag) hits the ground and sleds down the hill in a dead heat with the gurney. Both slam into the side of the hearse.

FH guys are horror stricken; the one who fell has tears rolling down his face as he apologizes.

We lose it- my Aunt, brother, and I laugh until we ache, trying all the while to reassure the poor man that it is only Sis's sick sense of humor still in effect tring to keep us from collapsing under our grief.

We help put her back on the gurney with tears of laughter rather than pain on our faces.

I cannot tell you how hard I laughed at this. This is epic, I love it!

I nearly wet myself... That is truely epic.

  That is so what my family would do.... I think we were separated at birth...

ETA:  When I could quit laughing, I reread it, and could hear "The William Tell Overture" start to play about the time Sis hit the ground.  I am so going to E-hell....
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: JonGirl on May 27, 2010, 07:43:20 AM


@ladiedeathe.

I don't know what to make of this. First I thought I would be sick because of the shock, then I had a small chuckle and then I got sad and laughter tears in my eyes at the same time.
I can picture it too. Sorry about your sister.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: ladiedeathe on May 27, 2010, 09:14:16 AM
When it happened my Aunt actually screamed my name because I had stepped out the door with the gurney and then turned around to go back in. I spun back around as he hit the ground and the gurney started to fall. For a split second I actually stepped forward, like I was going to catch a gurney and 270 lb body on ice, but then I just froze. I think if it had stopped there we would have been mortified/horrified- after the sled race to the hearse... it was so Sis all we could do was laugh hysterically (she was also actually late to her own funeral- a long fortold happening)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Bellantara on May 27, 2010, 09:21:18 AM
When it happened my Aunt actually screamed my name because I had stepped out the door with the gurney and then turned around to go back in. I spun back around as he hit the ground and the gurney started to fall. For a split second I actually stepped forward, like I was going to catch a gurney and 270 lb body on ice, but then I just froze. I think if it had stopped there we would have been mortified/horrified- after the sled race to the hearse... it was so Sis all we could do was laugh hysterically (she was also actually late to her own funeral- a long fortold happening)

I told Dad this story.  He is convinced you are one of our long lost relatives.  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Auntie Mame on May 27, 2010, 04:23:03 PM
I have one group of girlfriends I have known FOREVER! For-ev-ah!

Teasing, zinging and good natured insults are our way of saying we love each other.  You know you've been accepted into the circle when you start giving you a hard time.

That said.  One of my best zingers ever was when I was visiting S and F (two of my friends from the above mentioned circle).

F was trying to decide what tattoo she wanted and where (note: F is a busty gal and has nursed 3 kids).  I piped up and said "Oh, F! You should get the titanic tattooed across your chest so we can watch it sink!"

S started laughing so hard she fell off the couch and curled into a ball.  F punched me, then cracked up.  Insults were traded and that moment has passed into legendary status.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on May 28, 2010, 09:45:25 AM
... it was so Sis all we could do was laugh hysterically (she was also actually late to her own funeral- a long fortold happening)

I have a feeling that your sister was belly laughing with you from heaven. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on May 28, 2010, 09:54:02 AM
BG:  My elder sister, Sissy, is 11 years older than me.  So I got to witness a lot of her and her friend's "milestones" years before I was approaching my own. 

I was about 14 and attending the wedding of one of Sissy's best friends, Betsy.  Sissy was the matron of honor, so she's standing at the front of the church very close to the bride.  The wedding was in the groom's hometown, so the priest must not have been very familiar with Betsy.  He kept calling her "Betty."  We could see Betsy trying to stifle a few giggles, and could also see Sissy slowing moving from "annoyed" to "hopping mad" as the Catholic full mass wedding proceeded.

Eventually, Sissy couldn't contain herself, and leaned in toward the priest and tried to whisper "It's BETSY.  Get it right!"

Except my sister can't whisper when she's mad - it came out more like a growl.  The first few rows heard her loud & clear. 

Mom was squeezing my leg trying to keep me from laughing while trying her best to stifle her own giggles.   ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hermanne on May 28, 2010, 02:24:57 PM
I have one group of girlfriends I have known FOREVER! For-ev-ah!

Teasing, zinging and good natured insults are our way of saying we love each other.  You know you've been accepted into the circle when you start giving you a hard time.

That said.  One of my best zingers ever was when I was visiting S and F (two of my friends from the above mentioned circle).

F was trying to decide what tattoo she wanted and where (note: F is a busty gal and has nursed 3 kids).  I piped up and said "Oh, F! You should get the titanic tattooed across your chest so we can watch it sink!"

S started laughing so hard she fell off the couch and curled into a ball.  F punched me, then cracked up.  Insults were traded and that moment has passed into legendary status.

Oh my gawd.
OH. MY. GAWD.

I have tears coming down my face, that was sooooo funny! ;D
(And I'm a nursing mom, so I can relate!)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on May 28, 2010, 03:04:03 PM
I read this article about Andrea Boccelli once, and felt very bad for finding humor in it. Details might be a little sketchy, it was a while ago. Apparently, he was born with some kind of medical condition that was somewhat responsible for his slowing going blind as he grew up. But then when he was about an early teen, he was hit on the head by a soccer ball, which caused him to go completely blind. Oh, the irony. Here was this guy already losing his eyesight, and it was like the soccer ball came along and bam - finished the job!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: rhirhi on May 28, 2010, 03:13:57 PM
Aw man, my friends and I have a bunch of these. The worst are the dead baby ones. One told by a very good friend, who is expecting now, goes:

What's funnier than a dead baby in a clown costume?

(Imagine her >< this close to your face and slightly screaming) There is *nothing* funnier than a dead baby in a clown costume!

Even pregnant, that one made me laugh.

Edited to change color of the joke, JIC.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Shea on May 28, 2010, 03:32:05 PM
I belong to the "everything is up for jokes at some point" school of thought because I cope with life by "whistling in the dark." I do try to keep my more offensive humour to myself, but I laugh inappropriately all the time.

My SO, who is Jewish and had relatives die in the Holocaust, once made a Holocaust joke. I gawped at him for a solid 5 seconds at least before laughing. (He's the kind of person who's genuinely kind and generous, but can be really "evil" in his thinking and practical jokes. I call him Stalin. When he recently asked why I call him Stalin, I said because he'd be offended if I called him Hitler. Then we both laughed inappropriately.)

I once worked with an Israeli guy (he'd just finished his military service and he'd been an officer) who had without a doubt the biggest collection of Holocaust jokes known to man. Sick? Extremely. Hilarious? Indeed.

My father and I both have very disturbed senses of humor. My mother does not like dark humor at all. I don't know how she puts up with us.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sneezy on May 28, 2010, 04:20:49 PM
My sister passed away this past November after a four year long battle after a blood clot that caused her to lose her small intestine, and the complications stemming therefrom.  She also suffered from a few eating disorders over the course of her life that did not make things easier for her (or us, for that matter).  She was especially opposed to bleached white flour and processed sugar.

Nine people got mild food poisoning after her memorial service from tainted cookies.

When I told my surviving sister, she said, 'We're both going to hell, aren't we?  Because I can not stop laughing and you are too quiet not to be laughing yourself.'
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on May 28, 2010, 04:24:34 PM
My sister passed away this past November after a four year long battle after a blood clot that caused her to lose her small intestine, and the complications stemming therefrom.  She also suffered from a few eating disorders over the course of her life that did not make things easier for her (or us, for that matter).  She was especially opposed to bleached white flour and processed sugar.

Nine people got mild food poisoning after her memorial service from tainted cookies.

When I told my surviving sister, she said, 'We're both going to hell, aren't we?  Because I can not stop laughing and you are too quiet not to be laughing yourself.'

I'll see you two there, because I just cracked up. That's the kind of irony I want associated with my death.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on May 28, 2010, 04:44:20 PM
When I heard of Gary Coleman’s passing today, all I could think about was telling someone, and having them answer, ‘Whatchoo talkin’ about, Willis??” Then having that as the title of an article announcing his death, or having it inscribed on his headstone.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sirius on May 31, 2010, 03:00:46 PM
This one is pretty mild compared to the one about Sis, but it still cracks me up all these years later. 

One Easter when I was a teenager back in the early 1970s my family and I were in church.  My little sister was about 5 years old at the time, and she was between me and Older Sis.  We were singing a favorite Easter hymn, and Little Sis couldn't read at the time so she was making up her own words as we went along:

"He Arose, He Arose
Oh, my goodness, Christ arose!"

Older Sis and I looked at each other and started cracking up, resulting in a Mom Look from my mother.  You know the type - one of those meant to shrivel misbehaving children in their shoes.  For the rest of the service it was all I could do to not start laughing again, and if I'd looked over at Older Sis I'd have lost it. 

As we walked out of the church after the service we were leaning on each other, we were laughing so hard.  Mom, of course, had quite a bit to say about us laughing during church, even after we told her why we were laughing.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: whiterose on May 31, 2010, 04:32:34 PM
There are videos in YouTube featuring Hitler and the SS marching to the Imperial March. I think this tune suits them well. Sorry if anyone finds this offensive- but that is THE background music used nowadays to depict any kind of villain/trouble, and who is more regarded as a universal villain than Hitler and the Nazis?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: vorbau on May 31, 2010, 08:57:09 PM
Save me a seat in hell, will y'all? Because I have yet to find anything so gross, tasteless or inappropriate that I don't find funny.

- I crack up at "Springtime for Hitler" even though I probably shouldn't (I'm a member of a group Hitler found particularly objectionable).

- I had to bite my tongue bloody at a funeral several years ago. The music was a hymn the deceased (a work colleague) loved, but to which we learned, ahem, alternate lyrics when we were all at a training school together. W, my partner, was sitting next to me and singing the alternate lyrics sotto voce, so that only I could hear.

- We recently had to respond to a death scene that, unfortunately, was clearly a suicide and will be ruled such. I didn't go, but my deputy Mickey did. When he got back to the office, I asked him "What was the COD (Cause of Death)?"

Mickey replied, "BFO."

Me: "BFO? Huh?"

Mickey: "Yeah. Brain Fell Out."

While I laughed till I couldn't breathe, Mickey explained that (WARNING: GROSSNESS ALERT) the deceased shot himself in the head with handgun powerful enough to loft one entire cerebral hemisphere, still whole, out through the exit wound and onto the bedside table.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on May 31, 2010, 09:02:35 PM
While I laughed till I couldn't breathe, Mickey explained that (WARNING: GROSSNESS ALERT) the deceased shot himself in the head with handgun powerful enough to loft one entire cerebral hemisphere, still whole, out through the exit wound and onto the bedside table.

That's what happens when that darn alarm clock finally pushes you too far.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kitty-cat on May 31, 2010, 10:12:13 PM
Hey, save me a seat too!

I laugh at everything I should, and everything I shouldn't. My sorority is about half Jewish and half Christian. I have heard some of the most *out there* jokes from the Jewish girls, and I can't help laughing with them.

Of course, one of my best friends from high school and I have a total "Valley Girl" conversation that we have whenever we get together; it just got way more funny since I joined a sorority.

And don't get me started on the fat jokes that I crack....
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: DangerMouth on May 31, 2010, 10:24:09 PM
Vorbau, you just reminded me of when my cousin commited suicide, only it wasn't neat, there were blood and brains everywhere, wall, ceiling, floor. It was Easter Sunday morning, and for some reason it never occurred to my aunt to get one of those bio-cleaning services in. My cousins and I all trooped downstairs with mops and buckets to clean it up.

I can't even remember the jokes we told that day, aside from "he lost his mind- all over the ceiling", but they were many, and baaad, and we laughed ourselves sick.

I love my cousins on my dad's side, we're all twisted in the same way.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: vorbau on May 31, 2010, 10:50:17 PM
Vorbau, you just reminded me of when my cousin commited suicide, only it wasn't neat, there were blood and brains everywhere, wall, ceiling, floor. It was Easter Sunday morning, and for some reason it never occurred to my aunt to get one of those bio-cleaning services in. My cousins and I all trooped downstairs with mops and buckets to clean it up.

I can't even remember the jokes we told that day, aside from "he lost his mind- all over the ceiling", but they were many, and baaad, and we laughed ourselves sick.

I love my cousins on my dad's side, we're all twisted in the same way.

DangerMouth - I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm so glad you were able to laugh, both at the time and at my post! I hesitated a long time before posting because I didn't want to offend anyone, but I figured, hey, this is for people who *don't* get offended when most others do.  ;)

My former partner (the one who was singing dirty lyrics during a funeral), W3, started a "bio-recovery" business when he retired. He cleans mostly crime scenes and other grossness (abandoned squats, hoarders, flooded/moldy buildings). You'd love him. He once referred to a scene he cleaned as "the electric slide" (guy took his alarm clock, cut the cord in half, taped each cut end to his chest, and plugged it back in).

We refer to fatal MVA (motor vehicle accidents) as "DRT" (Dead Right There). Once W3 and I had to respond to a motorcycle vs. locomotive accident scene; it wasn't pretty, as the victim was, well, in pieces. W4 called it "DRTTT" meaning "Dead Right There, There and There."  ;D I miss him.

Then there was the accidental death we dubbed "Mothers Against Drunk Vacuuming..."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on May 31, 2010, 10:56:12 PM
We refer to fatal MVA (motor vehicle accidents) as "DRT" (Dead Right There). Once W3 and I had to respond to a motorcycle vs. locomotive accident scene; it wasn't pretty, as the victim was, well, in pieces. W4 called it "DRTTT" meaning "Dead Right There, There and There."  ;D I miss him.

This reminds me of a joke!

An ambulance shows up at the scene of a MVA, only to discover that one of the passengers has been ejected from the car and is dead on top of an embankment. The paperwork later reads:

"The decedent was found dead on top of an enbankment inbank We moved him to a ditch."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: DangerMouth on May 31, 2010, 11:18:03 PM
We refer to fatal MVA (motor vehicle accidents) as "DRT" (Dead Right There). Once W3 and I had to respond to a motorcycle vs. locomotive accident scene; it wasn't pretty, as the victim was, well, in pieces. W4 called it "DRTTT" meaning "Dead Right There, There and There."  ;D I miss him.

<snort!>

Yes, thank you. It isn't that some things aren't truly terrible and horrifying and almost beyond bearing, but that laughter really can help, especially if you can bond with others over it.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on June 01, 2010, 12:42:50 AM
Vorbau, please please please share your "Mothers Against Drunk Vacuuming" story.

Pretty please?  With sugar on top?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on June 01, 2010, 11:09:00 AM
There are videos in YouTube featuring Hitler and the SS marching to the Imperial March. I think this tune suits them well. Sorry if anyone finds this offensive- but that is THE background music used nowadays to depict any kind of villain/trouble, and who is more regarded as a universal villain than Hitler and the Nazis?

There is also one YT video of Hitler giving a speech. But he's singing the theme song to 'The Jeffersons'. Someone did a fantastic job of editing it to make every single word of the song and his gestures perfectly match each other. My brother sprung this on me one day when we were browsing the Net together. He asked me if I knew that Hitler was also a singer, and there is a rare clip of it on YT. Sorry, but it is HILARIOUS!! And I will never listen to that song the same way ever again...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on June 01, 2010, 11:15:07 AM
I also must know about the drunk vacumning story, I can’t for the life of me figure out what that must be – did someone get sucked into the vacumn??

As for the guy who blew one of his cerebral hemisphere onto the table, I might either be totally grossed out, or thinking, “Wow, so that’s what one of those looks like close up!”
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: clairesmom77 on June 01, 2010, 11:29:24 AM
BG -- My husband works from home for a major corporation.  His home office is at the end of a short hallway.  Our bedroom is the first room off the hallway.  So the distance is very close.

Well, today I was cleaning out our dresser.  DH was on the phone.  I accidentally slammed my fingers in a dresser drawer and shouted "Owwwww!  **Naughty word!***  I slapped my hand over my mouth and began laughing like a loon. 

Now, this is NOT funny.  I mean how unprofessional is it to have your wife yell a very bad curse word during a conference call?  And yet, I couldn't stop laughing.

DH comes stomping down the hallway.  Hisses "That was nice!" while his headset was on mute.  He sees me laughing, I try to say sorry through my laughter.  He just  ::) and walks away.

FWIW, We did a "test" in which I yell Naughty Word from the bedroom.  It could not be heard though his headset in the office during the test, so hopefully none of his co-workers heard it. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Amava on June 01, 2010, 11:30:56 AM
Vorbau, you just reminded me of when my cousin commited suicide, only it wasn't neat, there were blood and brains everywhere, wall, ceiling, floor. It was Easter Sunday morning, and for some reason it never occurred to my aunt to get one of those bio-cleaning services in. My cousins and I all trooped downstairs with mops and buckets to clean it up.

I can't even remember the jokes we told that day, aside from "he lost his mind- all over the ceiling", but they were many, and baaad, and we laughed ourselves sick.

I love my cousins on my dad's side, we're all twisted in the same way.

I think in a situation like that, you have the choice between dark humor and going insane.

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Boots on June 01, 2010, 11:37:46 AM
Okay. My Sil has a severly autistic son.  He says the funniest things.  One of the things he has done since he was little was "No "W"!

This came about because he had a phonetic alphabet toy and the "w' key would not work so everytime he came to it he would wail, No W!  He's 19 now and he still does it when something is not going his way and we try not to laugh......so my kids use it when I tell them to clean their room, mow the lawn, empty the dishwasher, and I get a chorus of "No W!!!!"

My Sil thinks it's funny!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: vorbau on June 01, 2010, 02:36:36 PM
I also must know about the drunk vacumning story, I can’t for the life of me figure out what that must be – did someone get sucked into the vacumn??

As for the guy who blew one of his cerebral hemisphere onto the table, I might either be totally grossed out, or thinking, “Wow, so that’s what one of those looks like close up!”


Well, since you all asked nicely ...

Mothers Against Drunk Vacuuming was created while we were investigating the unattended death of an officer's wife in on-base housing. She was found dead at the foot of the staircase, wearing nothing but a wrap-front bathrobe with the sash untied, with a large upright vacuum partly on top of her, the cord extending down the stairs from an outlet at the top of the flight. Her blood alcohol level was .38.

Actual cause of death was a fracture at C1-C2, accompanied by a large fracture of the left parietal across the coronal suture with epidural hemorrhaging. In plain language, she was drunk to the point of incapacity, wearing a loose garment with high tripping potential, vacuuming the stairs while pulling the cord down behind her. We couldn't tell if she tripped over the cord, the hem of her robe, or the sash, or some combination thereof, but fall she did, hitting the left side of her head hard and breaking her neck at the bottom. I have no idea why she was vacuuming the stairs at 3am, alone, naked and drunk.

She had an extensive history of alcohol abuse, she was well known to us and to base security, and was known in base housing as a sort of snobby, drunken version of Dresser Queen - she called us for all kinds of things, ranging from "the kids are moving my lawn ornaments" to "a UFO just stole one of your planes." I have a lot of sympathy for people with substance abuse problems, but this woman ... well, she had a *long* history of problems, had been offered treatment many many times (for free), and just flat did not want to stop drinking. I think it gave her a sort of PA power over her husband and kids.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: DangerMouth on June 01, 2010, 02:47:34 PM
So it was a VWI?  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Amava on June 01, 2010, 03:37:20 PM
Wow. Vaccuuming the stairs is already dangerous enough when one is sober (well, when one is as clumsy has as bad balance as me).
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Nora on June 01, 2010, 04:49:01 PM
Vorbau: can I just thank you for all the color you bring into my life?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hermanne on June 01, 2010, 08:04:13 PM
Okay, I just gotta say that some of these belong in the gross-out thread. :D

Vorbau, I think yours would top the squirel puddles. ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: vorbau on June 01, 2010, 09:30:23 PM
Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.  ;D

If y'all don't think it would be, um, overkill, I'll put the BFO and VWI in Gross Out as well. I guess DRTTT could go there, too.

And DH just suggested I add another one, but I think it belongs in Gross Out for sure. Don't adjust your set...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: funnybunny on June 01, 2010, 09:49:36 PM
In church one Sunday, our minister was preaching about the simple joys to be found while perusing the thoughts of Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Lucy, and the gang.

He announced loudly from the pulpit:  I love P*e*n*i*s.
I had to leave.  But there were many, many shaking shoulders in the seats!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Outdoor Girl on June 02, 2010, 09:20:51 AM
I was at a work conference, sitting at a table with co-workers from my home office.

One of the higher ups was giving a presentation and trying to insert some levity into the proceedings by teasing a coworker of hers.

Coworker has a bit of an unusual first name.  The presenter said she was just kidding around and 'I love Oral.'

Our entire table had our minds in the gutter and had to avoid looking at each other to keep from laughing.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Reika on June 02, 2010, 11:08:04 AM
If I had a stronger stomach, I'd want to be Vorbau when I finally grow up. ;)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Nora on June 02, 2010, 04:24:06 PM
If I had a stronger stomach, I'd want to be Vorbau when I finally grow up. ;)

Goodness, me too. I'll just have to stick with becoming a psychologist though, as several of her stories have seriously made me reconsider dinner.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sabbyfrog2 on June 03, 2010, 12:01:21 PM
As soon as I heard that Blanche (Rue McClanahan) passed this morning, I immediately thought "Oh boy. You just KNOW that Betty White is gonna have some smart allic joke about this."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Clara Bow on June 03, 2010, 12:25:16 PM
When my Nana died my immediate family and I were sitting alone in the chapel before the funeral, facing the casket. Dad and I were whispering the "not dead yet" scene from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" to each other. We finally got some control over ourselves as my granduncle came in.

He sat down beside me and said in his wonderful Carolina accent "Honey, it's a crime, it's just a crime what these funeral directors do."

"What do you mean?"

He motioned toward the casket and said "To charge people so much for those things and then trick them so cruelly."

"Wha....?"

"Honey, those caskets have false bottoms. They dump the deceased out the bottom and resell them." He dropped me a stinky wink and held my hand through the funeral. I thought I was going to pee in my pants laughing.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on June 03, 2010, 12:41:50 PM
I was just reading an obit in the paper for some guy. I couldn't help but have a black humor laugh at the first couple of sentences. It started out by saying that the deceased had crashed into a telephone pole. The next sentence said that the planet needed more of this kind of human being. Obviously, the writer didn’t read it back to see how it sounded. Either that or the writer hates telephone poles.


Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: rhirhi on June 03, 2010, 01:52:40 PM
As soon as I heard that Blanche (Rue McClanahan) passed this morning, I immediately thought "Oh boy. You just KNOW that Betty White is gonna have some smart allic joke about this."


You want to know the Scary part? Estelle passed in 08, Bea in 09, Rue in 2010...y'think Betty should be at the hospital at all times starting Jan 1?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sabbyfrog2 on June 03, 2010, 02:17:12 PM
As soon as I heard that Blanche (Rue McClanahan) passed this morning, I immediately thought "Oh boy. You just KNOW that Betty White is gonna have some smart allic joke about this."


You want to know the Scary part? Estelle passed in 08, Bea in 09, Rue in 2010...y'think Betty should be at the hospital at all times starting Jan 1?

NOOOO! Don't say that!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: rhirhi on June 03, 2010, 02:31:33 PM
As soon as I heard that Blanche (Rue McClanahan) passed this morning, I immediately thought "Oh boy. You just KNOW that Betty White is gonna have some smart allic joke about this."


You want to know the Scary part? Estelle passed in 08, Bea in 09, Rue in 2010...y'think Betty should be at the hospital at all times starting Jan 1?

NOOOO! Don't say that!

I'll cry with ya, if it happens, promise
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Gyburc on June 04, 2010, 05:28:29 AM
There are videos in YouTube featuring Hitler and the SS marching to the Imperial March. I think this tune suits them well. Sorry if anyone finds this offensive- but that is THE background music used nowadays to depict any kind of villain/trouble, and who is more regarded as a universal villain than Hitler and the Nazis?

A few months ago, there was an official state visit to the UK by members of the Saudi Arabian royal family. As their cars drew up, the military band started playing the Imperial March. It had to be deliberate.  :D

(It was edited out of BBC broadcasts of the event, but one of our other TV channels played the original version.)

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on June 04, 2010, 06:47:43 AM
"My girlfriend asked me to buy her something she doesn't need. So I signed her up for chemotherapy." -Comedian, can't recall name
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Penguinity on June 04, 2010, 10:19:31 AM
There are videos in YouTube featuring Hitler and the SS marching to the Imperial March. I think this tune suits them well. Sorry if anyone finds this offensive- but that is THE background music used nowadays to depict any kind of villain/trouble, and who is more regarded as a universal villain than Hitler and the Nazis?

A few months ago, there was an official state visit to the UK by members of the Saudi Arabian royal family. As their cars drew up, the military band started playing the Imperial March. It had to be deliberate.  :D

(It was edited out of BBC broadcasts of the event, but one of our other TV channels played the original version.)



Another thing you shouldn't laugh at: I went to wikipedia to look up the Imperial March.  I got the John Williams version.

Now I'm imagining all these characters marching along to Darth Vader's theme.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Twik on June 04, 2010, 11:04:53 AM
I think there's little that can't be joked about - IF you know how to do it.

Apparently, concentration camp survivors have often said that one thing that helped keep them alive was a sense of humour.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Onyx_TKD on June 04, 2010, 11:28:40 AM
There are videos in YouTube featuring Hitler and the SS marching to the Imperial March. I think this tune suits them well. Sorry if anyone finds this offensive- but that is THE background music used nowadays to depict any kind of villain/trouble, and who is more regarded as a universal villain than Hitler and the Nazis?

A few months ago, there was an official state visit to the UK by members of the Saudi Arabian royal family. As their cars drew up, the military band started playing the Imperial March. It had to be deliberate.  :D

(It was edited out of BBC broadcasts of the event, but one of our other TV channels played the original version.)



Another thing you shouldn't laugh at: I went to wikipedia to look up the Imperial March.  I got the John Williams version.

Now I'm imagining all these characters marching along to Darth Vader's theme.

Isn't that the Imperial March that everyone has been talking about here?  ??? I see that there is another Imperial March, but I thought the PPs were referring to the Star Wars music (Thus whiterose's comment: "that is THE background music used nowadays to depict any kind of villain/trouble"). Was I completely misunderstanding?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Penguinity on June 04, 2010, 11:43:29 AM
There are videos in YouTube featuring Hitler and the SS marching to the Imperial March. I think this tune suits them well. Sorry if anyone finds this offensive- but that is THE background music used nowadays to depict any kind of villain/trouble, and who is more regarded as a universal villain than Hitler and the Nazis?

A few months ago, there was an official state visit to the UK by members of the Saudi Arabian royal family. As their cars drew up, the military band started playing the Imperial March. It had to be deliberate.  :D

(It was edited out of BBC broadcasts of the event, but one of our other TV channels played the original version.)



Another thing you shouldn't laugh at: I went to wikipedia to look up the Imperial March.  I got the John Williams version.

Now I'm imagining all these characters marching along to Darth Vader's theme.

Isn't that the Imperial March that everyone has been talking about here?  ??? I see that there is another Imperial March, but I thought the PPs were referring to the Star Wars music (Thus whiterose's comment: "that is THE background music used nowadays to depict any kind of villain/trouble"). Was I completely misunderstanding?

But they're also saying Hitler marched to it. I don't think it had been written then. There's another one: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_March_%28Elgar%29
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: DangerMouth on June 04, 2010, 11:54:25 AM
OHHH-KAY!

I think I just found the ultimate "thing (this generation) should not laugh at"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AYujWCCHRk

and yeah, I laughed ::)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Onyx_TKD on June 04, 2010, 11:57:27 AM
There are videos in YouTube featuring Hitler and the SS marching to the Imperial March. I think this tune suits them well. Sorry if anyone finds this offensive- but that is THE background music used nowadays to depict any kind of villain/trouble, and who is more regarded as a universal villain than Hitler and the Nazis?

A few months ago, there was an official state visit to the UK by members of the Saudi Arabian royal family. As their cars drew up, the military band started playing the Imperial March. It had to be deliberate.  :D

(It was edited out of BBC broadcasts of the event, but one of our other TV channels played the original version.)



Another thing you shouldn't laugh at: I went to wikipedia to look up the Imperial March.  I got the John Williams version.

Now I'm imagining all these characters marching along to Darth Vader's theme.

Isn't that the Imperial March that everyone has been talking about here?  ??? I see that there is another Imperial March, but I thought the PPs were referring to the Star Wars music (Thus whiterose's comment: "that is THE background music used nowadays to depict any kind of villain/trouble"). Was I completely misunderstanding?

But they're also saying Hitler marched to it. I don't think it had been written then. There's another one: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_March_%28Elgar%29

I don't think they were saying Hitler actually marched to that music. I think what they meant was that someone took a video of Hitler marching, added the music on top, and posted it to youtube (adding music to video clips/making "music videos" from various video clips is pretty popular on youtube).
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Penguinity on June 04, 2010, 01:08:54 PM
There are videos in YouTube featuring Hitler and the SS marching to the Imperial March. I think this tune suits them well. Sorry if anyone finds this offensive- but that is THE background music used nowadays to depict any kind of villain/trouble, and who is more regarded as a universal villain than Hitler and the Nazis?

A few months ago, there was an official state visit to the UK by members of the Saudi Arabian royal family. As their cars drew up, the military band started playing the Imperial March. It had to be deliberate.  :D

(It was edited out of BBC broadcasts of the event, but one of our other TV channels played the original version.)



Another thing you shouldn't laugh at: I went to wikipedia to look up the Imperial March.  I got the John Williams version.

Now I'm imagining all these characters marching along to Darth Vader's theme.

Isn't that the Imperial March that everyone has been talking about here?  ??? I see that there is another Imperial March, but I thought the PPs were referring to the Star Wars music (Thus whiterose's comment: "that is THE background music used nowadays to depict any kind of villain/trouble"). Was I completely misunderstanding?

But they're also saying Hitler marched to it. I don't think it had been written then. There's another one: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_March_%28Elgar%29

I don't think they were saying Hitler actually marched to that music. I think what they meant was that someone took a video of Hitler marching, added the music on top, and posted it to youtube (adding music to video clips/making "music videos" from various video clips is pretty popular on youtube).

>_< Ah. I see. And I would have given anything to see the look on the Saudi Arabian dignitary's face when he realized what was playing.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: vorbau on June 04, 2010, 03:13:52 PM
I think there's little that can't be joked about - IF you know how to do it.

Apparently, concentration camp survivors have often said that one thing that helped keep them alive was a sense of humour.

A member of my temple is the son of a survivor. His father, Victor, was 15 when he was liberated. Jerry said his father often commented that humor and faith were what enabled him to survive, and Victor told Jerry a lot of the jokes they used to tell. The only one I remember that I think is appropriate is this one:

Victor said they used to talk about food a lot - planning meals, menus and dinner parties for after liberation. Victor said he knew he'd mess up because when the hostess served the soup he'd be imploring "Ladle it from the bottom!" (Because whatever solid bits there were, would be at the bottom - the rest was just barely flavored water.)

Victor also told Jerry the words to a song, that I've heard elsewhere as well - it's set to the "Colonel Bogie March" and is a little off-color. Victor said they used to sing it when they heard Allied planes flying:

Hitler has only got one b***
Goering has two, but very small
Himmler
Has something sim'lar
And Goebbels has got no b***s at all!



Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ondine on June 05, 2010, 06:28:13 PM
When I was in college  I was friends with a guy who had almost completely lost his eyesight at a young age. He could still see outlines and colours but not too much else. He walked with a white  cane.

He used to go into the pubs - hide his white cane under the table - and tell the waitress he was the designated driver so he got free drinks all night. He said the waitresses got so mad when he walked out of the bar using his cane. I know I shouldn't have laughed but oh it was funny.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: readingchick on June 05, 2010, 07:06:37 PM
Victor also told Jerry the words to a song, that I've heard elsewhere as well - it's set to the "Colonel Bogie March" and is a little off-color. Victor said they used to sing it when they heard Allied planes flying:
Hitler has only got one b***
Goering has two, but very small
Himmler
Has something sim'lar
And Goebbels has got no b***s at all!
I always thought the last line went "And poor old Goebbels has no b***s at all!"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: baglady on June 05, 2010, 11:58:48 PM
I learned it "But Adolf Eichmann has no b***s at all!"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on June 06, 2010, 12:48:36 PM
One evening, a few years ago, I was sitting in an army tent, playing cards with some fellows who had just returned from a tour in Bosnia.
Their tours dated from the early days of intervention, when things were still very grim and dangerous.

They coped with dark humour.

One of the rules they lived by was that as neutral forces, they were not allowed to recover or deal with any bodies of locals that they encountered.
This was partly for safety (booby traps and such) but partly because it might be seen as favouritism (or offensive, depending on how one viewed it) to bury one side's dead.

As a result, for months as they walked to work, they passed two bodies whom they were not allowed to respect by burying.

One was a man in a green shirt, the other was a body in the river.

So, as they walked to work, they'd give their greetings to "Bob" (the man in the river) and "Mr. Green", ask them how they were etc etc.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: vorbau on June 07, 2010, 03:31:27 PM
One evening, a few years ago, I was sitting in an army tent, playing cards with some fellows who had just returned from a tour in Bosnia.
Their tours dated from the early days of intervention, when things were still very grim and dangerous.

They coped with dark humour.

One of the rules they lived by was that as neutral forces, they were not allowed to recover or deal with any bodies of locals that they encountered.
This was partly for safety (booby traps and such) but partly because it might be seen as favouritism (or offensive, depending on how one viewed it) to bury one side's dead.

As a result, for months as they walked to work, they passed two bodies whom they were not allowed to respect by burying.

One was a man in a green shirt, the other was a body in the river.

So, as they walked to work, they'd give their greetings to "Bob" (the man in the river) and "Mr. Green", ask them how they were etc etc.


That is SO something I would do. I like your friends.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Animala on June 09, 2010, 07:21:23 PM
This is about the dead dog, but it's really OK.

My parents have a small, black, fluffy, cute as all get out, sweet as candy schipperke.  (Apparently they are suppose to be mean dogs?)  In the years that I was living away from home she has aged a good deal. She's nearly blind.  She doesn't hear that well.  She gets lost in the house and forgets what she's doing.  Thankfully for the most part she's still house trained. 

Anyway, after moving back in I walked into my parents bedroom and she was laying on the bed not breathing and when I touched her she was in full rigor mortis!   Agh!  I yelled down the hall for my mom, turned around and the dog had her head up looking at me.  Ok I freaked.  Come to find out that's how she is when she sleeps now.  I could have sworn she was dead.  Dad confessed that he pokes her all the time to make sure she's still with us and it's turned into a joke.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: DangerMouth on June 09, 2010, 07:48:43 PM
A friend of mine is completely blind from birth. I worked with her for a while, in a bead store. Part of her job (everyone's job, really) was bagging small thing in tiny plastic bags. We once got some defective bags in the shipment, and when Dianne went to bag the tiny beads, they all fell out the unsealed bottom. She tried 3 bags before giving up, by that time we were crying we were laughing so hard.

Dianne has a pretty awesome sense of humor, she even tolerates my SO (who can sometimes be a little hard to take). He will creep up behind her, put his hands over her eyes ::) and whisper "guess who?"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: vorbau on June 09, 2010, 08:25:57 PM
That reminds me of my college roommate Brian (there were seven of us sharing an old house). Brian was legally blind, though he had some peripheral vision and could read print if it was *very* large, but he routinely used Braille and a white cane.

For awhile we had another blind roommate, Mike, a friend of Brian's. They shared a room and bathroom and were forever playing practical jokes on each other. As in, Mike took Brian's can of aerosol deodorant and replaced it with aerosol hairspray. Brian retaliated by substituting hemorrhoid cream for Mike's toothpaste. So Mike switched Brian's spray for his manly parts with air freshener. And so on...leaving the rest of us wetting ourselves with laughter.

Brian and Mike did *not* like the student who rented our living room sofa one summer. I've posted about this creep elsewhere; suffice it to say his nickname in the household was The White Swine (WS). WS was very uncomfortable around Mike and Brian, as well as prejudiced against "the handicapped," and they capitalized on that ... asking him if they could touch his clothes to "see" what color they were, passing him the Tabasco when he asked for ketchup, and so on.

But my favorite Brian stories are: when he walked into the edge of a door. His comment? "Heck, I did that when I *could* see!" (Note: Brian had been blind since shortly after birth.) And, once when I went to the student services office with him (they handled things like disability accommodations), the new lady working there almost turned her tongue inside out to avoid using the words "handicapped" and "disabled." She finally settled on "differently abled." Brian looked straight at her and said "How about 'blind?'"

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: DangerMouth on June 09, 2010, 08:37:33 PM
That reminds me of my college roommate Brian (there were seven of us sharing an old house). Brian was legally blind, though he had some peripheral vision and could read print if it was *very* large, but he routinely used Braille and a white cane.

For awhile we had another blind roommate, Mike, a friend of Brian's. They shared a room and bathroom and were forever playing practical jokes on each other. As in, Mike took Brian's can of aerosol deodorant and replaced it with aerosol hairspray. Brian retaliated by substituting hemorrhoid cream for Mike's toothpaste. So Mike switched Brian's spray for his manly parts with air freshener. And so on...leaving the rest of us wetting ourselves with laughter.

Brian and Mike did *not* like the student who rented our living room sofa one summer. I've posted about this creep elsewhere; suffice it to say his nickname in the household was The White Swine (WS). WS was very uncomfortable around Mike and Brian, as well as prejudiced against "the handicapped," and they capitalized on that ... asking him if they could touch his clothes to "see" what color they were, passing him the Tabasco when he asked for ketchup, and so on.

But my favorite Brian stories are: when he walked into the edge of a door. His comment? "Heck, I did that when I *could* see!" (Note: Brian had been blind since shortly after birth.) And, once when I went to the student services office with him (they handled things like disability accommodations), the new lady working there almost turned her tongue inside out to avoid using the words "handicapped" and "disabled." She finally settled on "differently abled." Brian looked straight at her and said "How about 'blind?'"

That alone made me laugh :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: jayhawk on June 10, 2010, 04:33:29 PM
When I heard of Gary Coleman’s passing today, all I could think about was telling someone, and having them answer, ‘Whatchoo talkin’ about, Willis??” Then having that as the title of an article announcing his death, or having it inscribed on his headstone.

Sorry about this, but I couldn't resist:  Gary's personalized casket.
http://www.cabelas.com/link-12/product/0003905514723a.shtml (http://www.cabelas.com/link-12/product/0003905514723a.shtml)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: baglady on June 10, 2010, 06:38:45 PM
This is about the dead dog, but it's really OK.

My parents have a small, black, fluffy, cute as all get out, sweet as candy schipperke.  (Apparently they are suppose to be mean dogs?)  In the years that I was living away from home she has aged a good deal. She's nearly blind.  She doesn't hear that well.  She gets lost in the house and forgets what she's doing.  Thankfully for the most part she's still house trained. 

Anyway, after moving back in I walked into my parents bedroom and she was laying on the bed not breathing and when I touched her she was in full rigor mortis!   Agh!  I yelled down the hall for my mom, turned around and the dog had her head up looking at me.  Ok I freaked.  Come to find out that's how she is when she sleeps now.  I could have sworn she was dead.  Dad confessed that he pokes her all the time to make sure she's still with us and it's turned into a joke.

Schipperkes are mean? I've never met one who wasn't a total sweetheart. My former neighbors had one who was a bit volatile when they adopted her, but after she was diagnosed with heartworm and treated, she did a complete turnaround and became a major love muffin.

They are smart dogs, too. Sounds as if your parents' dog truly knows the meaning of "play dead."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Animala on June 10, 2010, 07:10:57 PM
This is about the dead dog, but it's really OK.

My parents have a small, black, fluffy, cute as all get out, sweet as candy schipperke.  (Apparently they are suppose to be mean dogs?)  In the years that I was living away from home she has aged a good deal. She's nearly blind.  She doesn't hear that well.  She gets lost in the house and forgets what she's doing.  Thankfully for the most part she's still house trained. 

Anyway, after moving back in I walked into my parents bedroom and she was laying on the bed not breathing and when I touched her she was in full rigor mortis!   Agh!  I yelled down the hall for my mom, turned around and the dog had her head up looking at me.  Ok I freaked.  Come to find out that's how she is when she sleeps now.  I could have sworn she was dead.  Dad confessed that he pokes her all the time to make sure she's still with us and it's turned into a joke.

Schipperkes are mean? I've never met one who wasn't a total sweetheart. My former neighbors had one who was a bit volatile when they adopted her, but after she was diagnosed with heartworm and treated, she did a complete turnaround and became a major love muffin.

They are smart dogs, too. Sounds as if your parents' dog truly knows the meaning of "play dead."

We were talking about that tonight at dinner.  Mom said that from what she's heard it's typically male Schipperkes that are more aggressive.  I don't know, but I'm totally sold on the breed.  Ours is just a wonderful little companion even with all her physical issues.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: purplemuse on June 11, 2010, 10:36:06 AM
At my college graduation, a list was read of alumni who had died that year.

One of the deceased had a strange sounding name, and when I heard a woman behind me ask rather loudly:  "Did he just say 'Yuck, the Man'?" I lost it a little.

Because the name really did sound like "Yuck, the Man."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Enigmatism on June 12, 2010, 06:48:47 PM
Whilst waiting outside the crematorium for my Great Aunts funeral DSis1 mentioned she was cold. Mum replied, without thinking, 'Don't worry I'm sure they have heating inside.' Then DSis2 spotted a sign that read 'Late mourners please use side entrance.' That did it for us!
Had my Aunt still been with us she'd have been at the back of the crowd snickering too!  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: rhirhi on June 12, 2010, 07:38:06 PM
I was watching a commercial for a documentary on Hitler and the Nazi regime and was talking to DH about a conversation we'd had earlier about Hitler's early life. I told DH that Hitler had attempted to enroll in an Art school and was rejected. I was joking that 'Those guys probably got fired...literally. That just sounds wrong' and started laughing.

 :P :-[ I have a very evil side sometimes.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ferrets on June 12, 2010, 07:58:25 PM
Running battle scenes from Zulu through the Benny Hillifier (http://bennyhillifier.com/).

(Given the amount of scampering about and close-quarters scuffling going on, it works alarmingly well. Though I completely lost it when a rank of redcoats all aimed their Martini-Henrys perfectly on the beat.)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: suzieQ on June 12, 2010, 08:09:00 PM
When I miscarried my second pregnancy, it was during an ice storm. We were stuck at home and unable to get to the Dr. office (live on a mountain and if it's icy we are stuck). So Dr. told us to preserve what I had passed so they could test it. I stuck it in the freezer and we proceeded to joke about "baby back ribs" for the weekend.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on June 12, 2010, 08:39:03 PM
When I miscarried my second pregnancy, it was during an ice storm. We were stuck at home and unable to get to the Dr. office (live on a mountain and if it's icy we are stuck). So Dr. told us to preserve what I had passed so they could test it. I stuck it in the freezer and we proceeded to joke about "baby back ribs" for the weekend.

You are sick.

But I think i might love you for it. Laughter is so much better than crying.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Clara Bow on June 14, 2010, 03:00:46 PM
I learned it "But Adolf Eichmann has no b***s at all!"

What about Baumann? Does he get to have Spauldings?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Miss Misery on June 15, 2010, 10:38:02 PM
My dad has a rather *ahem* interesting sense of humor. For example, the news will announce 200 people died in {insert disaster here}. Dad will say, "Well, that's 200 more parking spaces!"

Yes, my family is warped.  ::)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Miss Vertigo on June 16, 2010, 04:15:25 AM
the Benny Hillifier (http://bennyhillifier.com/).


ZOMG. I am going to get nothing done today. I also love you for posting this.
 ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Layla Miller on June 16, 2010, 08:26:42 AM
DH is a pastor.  I don't know if that makes this story better or worse.  ;D

Last week, DH was making pancakes and--as he often does--made up new lyrics to a song as he was cooking a la Weird Al.*  He chose the hymn "Softly and Tenderly Jesus is Calling" when he realized "Calling for you and for me" changed so easily to "Pancakes for you and for me."  I teased him a little about how sacrilegious he was, but aside from a few giggles we didn't think much of it.

Guess what hymn was sung at the following Sunday service?  Oh, I had trouble keeping a straight face during that one.


* Early in our relationship, he endeared me to him by coming up with "In the Middle of my Soup," to the tune of Billy Joel's "In the Middle of the Night" as he heated up some chicken noodle soup for us both.  DH's version featured more oyster crackers than the original.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on June 17, 2010, 02:17:26 PM
Back when the Jonestown mass suicide hit the news, my father was at the barber's getting his hair cut.  Another customer asked him if he would be able to drink strychnine-laced Kool-Aid.  "eHell, no," my father answered, "I can't stand Kool Aid."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sirius on June 17, 2010, 08:28:04 PM
DH is a pastor.  I don't know if that makes this story better or worse.  ;D

Last week, DH was making pancakes and--as he often does--made up new lyrics to a song as he was cooking a la Weird Al.*  He chose the hymn "Softly and Tenderly Jesus is Calling" when he realized "Calling for you and for me" changed so easily to "Pancakes for you and for me."  I teased him a little about how sacrilegious he was, but aside from a few giggles we didn't think much of it.

Guess what hymn was sung at the following Sunday service?  Oh, I had trouble keeping a straight face during that one.


* Early in our rel@tionship, he endeared me to him by coming up with "In the Middle of my Soup," to the tune of Billy Joel's "In the Middle of the Night" as he heated up some chicken noodle soup for us both.  DH's version featured more oyster crackers than the original.

Now I've got "Softly and Tenderly going through my head.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: JonGirl on June 18, 2010, 01:39:42 AM
DH is a pastor.  I don't know if that makes this story better or worse.  ;D

Last week, DH was making pancakes and--as he often does--made up new lyrics to a song as he was cooking a la Weird Al.*  He chose the hymn "Softly and Tenderly Jesus is Calling" when he realized "Calling for you and for me" changed so easily to "Pancakes for you and for me."  I teased him a little about how sacrilegious he was, but aside from a few giggles we didn't think much of it.

Guess what hymn was sung at the following Sunday service?  Oh, I had trouble keeping a straight face during that one.


* Early in our rel@tionship, he endeared me to him by coming up with "In the Middle of my Soup," to the tune of Billy Joel's "In the Middle of the Night" as he heated up some chicken noodle soup for us both.  DH's version featured more oyster crackers than the original.

For some reason that is really funny.  ;D

Now I've got "Softly and Tenderly going through my head.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Layla Miller on June 18, 2010, 08:49:14 AM
DH is a pastor.  I don't know if that makes this story better or worse.  ;D

Last week, DH was making pancakes and--as he often does--made up new lyrics to a song as he was cooking a la Weird Al.*  He chose the hymn "Softly and Tenderly Jesus is Calling" when he realized "Calling for you and for me" changed so easily to "Pancakes for you and for me."  I teased him a little about how sacrilegious he was, but aside from a few giggles we didn't think much of it.

Guess what hymn was sung at the following Sunday service?  Oh, I had trouble keeping a straight face during that one.


* Early in our rel@tionship, he endeared me to him by coming up with "In the Middle of my Soup," to the tune of Billy Joel's "In the Middle of the Night" as he heated up some chicken noodle soup for us both.  DH's version featured more oyster crackers than the original.

For some reason that is really funny.  ;D

Now I've got "Softly and Tenderly going through my head.

It really really was.  :D  (Incidentally, I just realized I mixed up the title and the first line of the song--the actual title is "River of Dreams."  Oops!)

Sirius: with or without the pancakes?  ;)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on June 21, 2010, 07:32:23 AM
Vorbau, you just reminded me of when my cousin commited suicide, only it wasn't neat, there were blood and brains everywhere, wall, ceiling, floor. It was Easter Sunday morning, and for some reason it never occurred to my aunt to get one of those bio-cleaning services in. My cousins and I all trooped downstairs with mops and buckets to clean it up.

I can't even remember the jokes we told that day, aside from "he lost his mind- all over the ceiling", but they were many, and baaad, and we laughed ourselves sick.

I love my cousins on my dad's side, we're all twisted in the same way.

DangerMouth - I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm so glad you were able to laugh, both at the time and at my post! I hesitated a long time before posting because I didn't want to offend anyone, but I figured, hey, this is for people who *don't* get offended when most others do.  ;)

My former partner (the one who was singing dirty lyrics during a funeral), W3, started a "bio-recovery" business when he retired. He cleans mostly crime scenes and other grossness (abandoned squats, hoarders, flooded/moldy buildings). You'd love him. He once referred to a scene he cleaned as "the electric slide" (guy took his alarm clock, cut the cord in half, taped each cut end to his chest, and plugged it back in).

We refer to fatal MVA (motor vehicle accidents) as "DRT" (Dead Right There). Once W3 and I had to respond to a motorcycle vs. locomotive accident scene; it wasn't pretty, as the victim was, well, in pieces. W4 called it "DRTTT" meaning "Dead Right There, There and There."  ;D I miss him.

Then there was the accidental death we dubbed "Mothers Against Drunk Vacuuming..."

I have a book called "Aftermath, Inc" about the guys who clean up crime scenes after the CSIs are done with them. It's...fascinating, and not for the faint-of-stomach.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on June 22, 2010, 12:45:13 PM
A couple of times growing up, I’ve found the sound of kid’s crying humorous. Like my cousin – every time he would cry, he would let out this really weird, ascending-siren-sounding noise that just sounded so strange I would find it funny.
And another time when I had a stay in the children’s ward of a hospital, there was this other kid there whom I could hear in the next room who was crying, and it was also a humorous-sounding crying noise. What a bad kid I was for thinking some kids’ crying was humorous…. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on June 29, 2010, 09:20:36 PM
At Wal-Mart today I was sitting on the benches waiting for m dad to finish when a caretaker pushed a wheelchair out with a young man (maybe 20?) in it, who was physically disabled, although that's all i really know. And he has maybe six cheerleaders from the local university gathered around him giggling and chatting with him. A pair of boys came out, muttering about "r-words" and why he was in public, and I hid a scowl in a magazine, but then burst out laughing.

When the man in the wheelchair informed one of the cheerleaders that "They're jealous... i get all the girls."

I hate myself, but I'm still laughing now.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Jolie_kitten on July 04, 2010, 09:22:33 AM
*Warning: although it's about a purely fictional/artistic act, it contains elements (in yellow) that may be a trigger (also strong language)*

I'm directing a play (that I also wrote) for the theatre group of my college. I was in a pub/café (outdoor tables) yesterday with 3 actors from our team, having a drink.
They were:
B.- plays the role of a Romanian woman married to a Gipsy man, who decides to leave Romania together with her husband, frustrated with people's prejudices against Gypsies.
N.- plays the role of a victim of human trafficking. Her character has been abused into forced prostitution.
A.- plays the role of an idealistic Englishman who is in love with N's character and travels to Romania hoping to find her and help her recover from her trauma.

We were discussing the play/characters- debating mainly N's monologue in which she tells her character's story. B's idea of how it should be interpreted was quite different from N's- so in order to exemplify how she sees it, she starts reading/interpreting it.
There was a certain-very emotionally intense- line in the monologue: "I have been a wh0r3! A wh0r3! Do you know how much this word hurts? Do you? "

Now...what would you have thought if you walked past someone's table in a café and just hear a someone  going like: "I have been a wh0r3! A wh0r3!"???

Afterwards, A told me that he wished to try another character's monologue (a college graduate who immigrates, generally frustrated/bitter with his life). So he reads it to us quite convincingly, but still... we all agree the character fits better the actor we already assigned. The following conversation follows:
A: You know, I couldn't do it the way I would have done it on stage... we're in a public place here.
Me: Well, at least you didn't have to shout "I have been a wh0r3!"
(As a matter of fact- he did during the workshop; I have asked A and N to switch characters, as an exercise).
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Shoo on July 04, 2010, 09:35:29 AM
One time I was standing in line to use the restroom at a state fair.  The restrooms were inside the grandstand, and there was this long ramp leading up to the door, and the line went out the door quite a ways.  So we had been standing there quite a while, and we were finally up to the entrance, a few people back.

All of a sudden this little old lady on one of those scooter things come barreling up the ramp toward the door, and I guess she didn't know how to use the brakes because she crashed right into the wall to the left of the door!

She wasn't hurt, but she did sort of do one of those head shake things (like you see in cartoons).  She got off her scooter, looked around sort of indignantly, smoothed herself, and then waltzed past everyone else in line into the restroom.

It was the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life, and I had to bite my lips and avert my eyes to keep from wetting my pants right then and there!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: guihong on July 04, 2010, 10:50:39 PM
This one was a legend in my family.  Years before I was born, my parents lived in a house with the kind of back steps that were open in the back.  They kept the trashcan under the steps.  At that time they had an ancient, blind bulldog named "Tuffy".   One day, my parents and my brother were out in the backyard when Tuffy started to slowly pick his way down the steps.  He slipped and fell through the slats into the trashcan.  My father and brother laughed until they were doubled over, and my mother was furious!  It just wasn't right to laugh at an old animal!  I don't think she spoke to my father for days.  I have to confess, I would have wet myself laughing, so call me cruel too.  Mother didn't have a sparkling sense of humor, and I'm as sick as they come.  No wonder we clashed.

My best friends (who are twins) and I went to college at opposite ends of our state.  Whenever I would go up there to visit, we'd go to Saturday night Mass and then splurge on KFC.  One time we were in Mass on the campus, when a larger woman got up to sing the Ave Maria.  I leaned over to one of my friends and whispered, "She's had too many chicken dinners".  All three of us had to sit separately after that, lest we lose it completely.

gui

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sirius on July 05, 2010, 08:15:12 PM
Yesterday our two cats were napping hard on top of a box of fabric that sits on top of a low set of shelves.  One of them rolled over in her sleep...and fell off the box into the trash can that was next to the box.  She hopped out of the trash can, shaking her head as though wondering, "What happened?"  I didn't see this, but Mr. Sirius, who was in the room when it happened, was laughing so hard he couldn't get out of his chair.  While this isn't in the class of some of the other stories here, it was still hilarious. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Suze on July 05, 2010, 08:47:37 PM
The day my "big girl" kitty sat on the button that turned the radio on in the alarm clock was good too

first she jumped and ran and then she decided that "I ment to do that" and strolled out of the bedroom

fur puffing up the whole way.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Shea on July 08, 2010, 09:39:51 PM
Yesterday our two cats were napping hard on top of a box of fabric that sits on top of a low set of shelves.  One of them rolled over in her sleep...and fell off the box into the trash can that was next to the box.  She hopped out of the trash can, shaking her head as though wondering, "What happened?"  I didn't see this, but Mr. Sirius, who was in the room when it happened, was laughing so hard he couldn't get out of his chair.  While this isn't in the class of some of the other stories here, it was still hilarious. 

When Big Cranky Cat was but a wee kitten, she went through a phase of needing to be with me at all times. This included when I was in the bathroom. Once I was taking a bath, and she was supervising from the side of the tub. After awhile she got bored and decided to scamper along the side. Predictably, she slipped and fell into the bath. Much indignant yowling, flailing and looks of injured pride ensued. Did I mention that it was a bubble bath? ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: DangerMouth on July 09, 2010, 12:14:21 AM
We have different levels of membership support at our organisation, depending on how much they pay. The levels are pretty easy to follow: Bronze Member, Silver Member...

The one I keep giggling at? Gold Member  :D

<*snert!*> Didn't Shirley Bassey sing that? :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: mechtilde on July 09, 2010, 08:51:55 AM
When Big Cranky Cat was but a wee kitten, she went through a phase of needing to be with me at all times. This included when I was in the bathroom. Once I was taking a bath, and she was supervising from the side of the tub. After awhile she got bored and decided to scamper along the side. Predictably, she slipped and fell into the bath. Much indignant yowling, flailing and looks of injured pride ensued. Did I mention that it was a bubble bath? ;D

One of mine once slipped and his front paws went into the water. Which meant that he was trying to get out witout letting his back legs get wet- but in order to get out he needed to use his back legs...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Spring Water on Sundays on July 09, 2010, 08:57:44 AM
When Big Cranky Cat was but a wee kitten, she went through a phase of needing to be with me at all times. This included when I was in the bathroom. Once I was taking a bath, and she was supervising from the side of the tub. After awhile she got bored and decided to scamper along the side. Predictably, she slipped and fell into the bath. Much indignant yowling, flailing and looks of injured pride ensued. Did I mention that it was a bubble bath? ;D


My brain-damaged cat (see my previous post) falls into the bathtub on occasion. He loves watching the tub fill and drinking the hot bath water. Sometimes he gets a little too entranced, leans in a little too far, and...well...you can guess the rest.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Onyx_TKD on July 09, 2010, 11:52:48 AM
Note to self: Threads posted in "I Need a Hug!" are usually sad, upsetting, and/or traumatic things that should not be laughed at. I still can't help giggling as I read through "When a doctor compares a cyst to fruit..." when most of the responding posters are stating what kind of "fruit" they had to have removed. There's just something about reading "I had a plum..." and "I had a orange and a couple of lemons"...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Miss Vertigo on July 09, 2010, 11:54:42 AM
We have different levels of membership support at our organisation, depending on how much they pay. The levels are pretty easy to follow: Bronze Member, Silver Member...

The one I keep giggling at? Gold Member  :D

Haha. I actually sporfled out loud.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Suze on July 09, 2010, 05:17:40 PM
We have different levels of membership support at our organisation, depending on how much they pay. The levels are pretty easy to follow: Bronze Member, Silver Member...

The one I keep giggling at? Gold Member  :D

<*snert!*> Didn't Shirley Bassey sing that? :D

that was Gold FINGER

Gold MEMBER  is an Austin Powers movie 

both are rather silly (but I love me some Bond)

Favorite line from Goldfinger

"No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: DangerMouth on July 09, 2010, 05:35:13 PM
We have different levels of membership support at our organisation, depending on how much they pay. The levels are pretty easy to follow: Bronze Member, Silver Member...

The one I keep giggling at? Gold Member  :D

<*snert!*> Didn't Shirley Bassey sing that? :D

that was Gold FINGER

Gold MEMBER  is an Austin Powers movie 

both are rather silly (but I love me some Bond)

Favorite line from Goldfinger

"No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die"

Yeah, I know, I was joking :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Suze on July 09, 2010, 05:37:53 PM
opps sorry

my giggle meter is on the fritz today
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LibChick on July 09, 2010, 10:14:31 PM
I also must know about the drunk vacumning story, I can’t for the life of me figure out what that must be – did someone get sucked into the vacumn??

As for the guy who blew one of his cerebral hemisphere onto the table, I might either be totally grossed out, or thinking, “Wow, so that’s what one of those looks like close up!”


Well, since you all asked nicely ...

Mothers Against Drunk Vacuuming was created while we were investigating the unattended death of an officer's wife in on-base housing. She was found dead at the foot of the staircase, wearing nothing but a wrap-front bathrobe with the sash untied, with a large upright vacuum partly on top of her, the cord extending down the stairs from an outlet at the top of the flight. Her blood alcohol level was .38.

Actual cause of death was a fracture at C1-C2, accompanied by a large fracture of the left parietal across the coronal suture with epidural hemorrhaging. In plain language, she was drunk to the point of incapacity, wearing a loose garment with high tripping potential, vacuuming the stairs while pulling the cord down behind her. We couldn't tell if she tripped over the cord, the hem of her robe, or the sash, or some combination thereof, but fall she did, hitting the left side of her head hard and breaking her neck at the bottom. I have no idea why she was vacuuming the stairs at 3am, alone, naked and drunk.

She had an extensive history of alcohol abuse, she was well known to us and to base security, and was known in base housing as a sort of snobby, drunken version of Dresser Queen - she called us for all kinds of things, ranging from "the kids are moving my lawn ornaments" to "a UFO just stole one of your planes." I have a lot of sympathy for people with substance abuse problems, but this woman ... well, she had a *long* history of problems, had been offered treatment many many times (for free), and just flat did not want to stop drinking. I think it gave her a sort of PA power over her husband and kids.

And I thought all my housework was murder...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: IrishGenes on July 10, 2010, 01:28:20 PM
I don't have a story to share (yet), but I just want to say I think all of you have an awesome sense of humor!  I love sarcasm, satire and irony.  It's nice to meet others with a similar sense of humor! :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfmama on July 14, 2010, 12:46:46 PM
Cats can play practical jokes.

When I was a teenager, we had three Siamese cats.  Mine was the alpha cat, her daughter came next, and my brother's cat Bitty was clear at the bottom of the pecking order.

I was sitting in my mother's room talking to her when Alpha came in to get a drink of water out of the toilet.  Front feet down on the bowl, hind feet up on the seat, so she couldn't see when Bitty zipped out from under Mom's bed, pushed Alpha into the toilet, and zipped back again.

If Alpha knew the culprit, she would have killed her!  I've never seen such an angry cat.  She levitated out of the toilet, flew through the bathroom, and splatted down the hallway taking 10-foot leaps.   She wouldn't even let me near her with a towel, just in case I was the culprit. (http://members.shaw.ca/the.toner/images/smilie/rotflmao.gif)  And Bitty hid under the bed the rest of the day, snickering.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: StarDrifter on July 15, 2010, 12:31:39 AM
Elfmama! I now have diet Coke all over my keyboard!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on July 15, 2010, 12:26:33 PM
LOL Elfmama! 

Speaking of brain damaged cats...we had one who had the misfortune of being kicked in the head by a neighbor's horse when he (the cat) went wandering through the pasture one day.  He was mostly okay but had some balance issues.

One day, he decided to leap up onto the coffee table for a good ear scratching...and kept right on sliding to the other side, finally falling right onto the floor.

I always felt guilty for the 10 minutes my sister and I spent laughing at him.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sirius on July 16, 2010, 07:39:53 PM
My sister has a cat who was an abandoned infant kitten, and she had to feed him with a kitten-sized bottle for a couple of weeks.  He's always been a bit "strange", according to her; They named him Newton because he's not very smart, but is very friendly.  Sis says that Newton has been known to walk across the back of their sofa and walk right off the end, as though he didn't realize the sofa had ended until he hit the floor.  He's also done that 'slide across the table thing.'  She sent me a picture of her three cats napping on the sofa that consisted of a large pile of black fur (Sable, the alpha male), a larger pile of grey and white striped fur (Dusty, the beta male), and Newton, a grey tabby, watching her take the picture with one eye closed. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Miss Vertigo on July 17, 2010, 07:36:32 AM
She sent me a picture of her three cats napping on the sofa that consisted of a large pile of black fur (Sable, the alpha male), a larger pile of grey and white striped fur (Dusty, the beta male), and Newton, a grey tabby, watching her take the picture with one eye closed. 

I have tons of photos of my cat Weedster where he's doing exactly that. He's... special.

He was quite aggressive as a kitten, until a friend's 3-year old sprayed him with body spray in an attempt to get him to come out from under the bed. (yeah yeah, I know). I actually don't know whether that has anything to with his demeanor as an adult cat, or whether it was more down to his propensity to walk into doors/walls/table legs. Whatever, he's as daft as a brush. He's the kind of cat that will jump up on the bed, you put him down onto the floor and he instantly jumps back up again about 20 times - I call him a boomerang.

Here is the most normal photograph I have of him, in which he thinks he's a pirate:

(http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u116/leese7242/weedster.jpg)

Nuff said.



Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfmama on July 17, 2010, 09:19:10 PM
She sent me a picture of her three cats napping on the sofa that consisted of a large pile of black fur (Sable, the alpha male), a larger pile of grey and white striped fur (Dusty, the beta male), and Newton, a grey tabby, watching her take the picture with one eye closed. 

I have tons of photos of my cat Weedster where he's doing exactly that. He's... special.

He was quite aggressive as a kitten, until a friend's 3-year old sprayed him with body spray in an attempt to get him to come out from under the bed. (yeah yeah, I know).
OK, what is it with little kids spraying the cat with random liquids to make them come out of hiding?  Grandson #1 sprayed our Siamese with foaming bathroom cleaner trying to make her come out from behind the toilet!  Poor sticky cats.   :-\
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kitty-cat on July 23, 2010, 02:22:37 PM
Okay, this one I thought of in church this past Sunday.

During the part of the service when the priest is presenting the bread and wine, all of a sudden "Have a little priest" from Sweeney Todd came into my head.

It was very hard to not laugh out loud and to keep my straight face....

Next Sunday is gonna be so fun...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: pharmagal on July 23, 2010, 09:39:19 PM
A simple spelling mistake.  Instead of spelling highway, it was spelt highqway.  Cue me and my friend sitting there waving at each other saying Hi Qway!  And looking like complete idiots.  Especially in the stupid tone of voice we were using.   Not funny at all, but it still makes me giggle a bit now.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ferrets on July 26, 2010, 06:03:59 PM
The first time I heard this ancient bait-and-switch song around a campfire, having genuinely supposed we were having a quick break in the bawdy ones for a straight hymn, I couldn't stop laughing for ages afterwards. Still can't hear it without cracking up, to be honest (and yes, I am a Christian):

"There is a green hill far away
Without a city wall
Where the dear Lord was crucified
Who died to save us all...

...ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

He died to save us all!
He died to save us all!
For he's a jolly good fellow,
For he's a jolly good fellow,
For he's a jolly good fe-e-llooooooooow,

He died to save us all!"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: JonGirl on July 27, 2010, 07:44:48 AM


Theres a woman who regularly calls the local talkback station who is blind and lives with her mother.
Her mother's name is Iris.
I know I shouldn't laugh but I can't help it.  :-[
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: momof2weenies on July 27, 2010, 10:41:21 AM
Shared what I thought was a funny joke with my brother:
Me:  Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Bro:  Why?
Me:  It was dead.


but he one-upped me:

Bro:  What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Me:  Finding half a worm?
Bro:  The holocaust.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Delia DeLyons on July 27, 2010, 01:08:15 PM
My father gets really mad when us kids (four of us, two boys, two girls) have fun at the dinner table (excited talking, laughing, joking, etc.)  I don't know why... but anywho.. one Thanksgiving "Enough was Enough!!!!" already and, as I was the main culprit, I was getting the brunt of the long speech about decorum at the dinner table.  ::) As it was kinda par for the course, I was just nodding along to my father's preaching as I watched my little brother (maybe 5, 6?) across the table, who was not paying attention to anything going on around him, but staring very, very intently at a rather bulbous reddish, purplish part of his turkey leg...like where the spur would be?  I don't know, but it was icky... my dad is going on and on and I'm not even listening because now I'M entranced by the bulbous part of his turkey leg too... and I'm watching him... and he's staring at it... I'm watching him... He's staring at that bump... when he just very suddenly CHOMPS on the thing... I started ROARING with uncontrollable laughter because it was so random and odd and gross and this INFURIATED my father because he thought I was laughing at his speech and I had tears streaming down my face I was laughing so hard and NO ONE else at the table had any idea why or what happened - they thought I'd gone nuts!!  I was breathlessly trying to explain what made me laugh and meanwhile, lil brother is just chomping away, making me break into a fresh fit of painful-at-that-point laughter.

And I'm yelling (still pretty much ignoring my father) "WHY WOULD YOU BITE THAT?!?!?  WHAT WAS GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD?!?!?"  

Yeah - I got sent to my room and told Santa would never come again  ::)

When I was finally able to explain to everyone (but Dad) about what happened, my siblings also found it HILARIOUS... I bring it up every Thanksgiving now and they join in, even though they really weren't "there" for it...  (but not around Dad... as I don't want to make him mad all over again... 13+ years later...) My mom just smiles and rolls her eyes at me... but I think deep down she agrees it's hilarious.  It was just *so* *OBVIOUSLY* A.) not an edible part of the turkey leg and B.) too gross to even consider biting at all... but he CHMOPED the thing like it was a chocolate bunny... I am trying to hold back LOLing right now as I picture it all over again and the absurdity of it all...  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfqueen13 on July 28, 2010, 10:59:09 AM
My little Pomeranian got into my son's Adderall (stimulant used to treat ADD).  This is a pretty serious situation as it could cause his heart to stop.  Fortunately he threw most of it up, but a few of the capsules were broken which means some of it go into his bloodstream.

My little dog is high as a kite.  He's been doing laps around the dining room table.  His pupils are enormous and he might have been hallucinating at one point last night.  When he's not doing laps, he's running back and forth in a zig-zag because he can't see straight.  When he does manage to sit down, his head keeps jumping back and forth like it's on a spring. I had to take his collar off because the bell was driving me nuts.

He's going to be fine.  He didn't sleep at all last night but his heart-rate is steady and almost normal and his eyes are returning to normal.  His nose is wet and he knows who I am. I'd worry about brain damage but with this dog, how could I tell? He's trying so hard to lay still so he can sleep but after about 2 seconds his brain says "nope! It's time to run around!" I'm pretty sure he's going to crash tonight and sleep for a long time.  I've baby-proofed my downstairs (as I'm not entirely certain how he got to pills left on a bookshelf 3 feet over his head) like I would for a toddler.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Shea on July 28, 2010, 12:10:14 PM
My little Pomeranian got into my son's Adderall (stimulant used to treat ADD).  This is a pretty serious situation as it could cause his heart to stop.  Fortunately he threw most of it up, but a few of the capsules were broken which means some of it go into his bloodstream.

My little dog is high as a kite.  He's been doing laps around the dining room table.  His pupils are enormous and he might have been hallucinating at one point last night.  When he's not doing laps, he's running back and forth in a zig-zag because he can't see straight.  When he does manage to sit down, his head keeps jumping back and forth like it's on a spring. I had to take his collar off because the bell was driving me nuts.

He's going to be fine.  He didn't sleep at all last night but his heart-rate is steady and almost normal and his eyes are returning to normal.  His nose is wet and he knows who I am. I'd worry about brain damage but with this dog, how could I tell? He's trying so hard to lay still so he can sleep but after about 2 seconds his brain says "nope! It's time to run around!" I'm pretty sure he's going to crash tonight and sleep for a long time.  I've baby-proofed my downstairs (as I'm not entirely certain how he got to pills left on a bookshelf 3 feet over his head) like I would for a toddler.

The mental images had me laughing aloud! I'm glad he'll be okay though.

Once at the ranch where I worked, the vet came out to float some of the horses' teeth (a routine procedure involving filing down sharp edges on a horse's teeth). Most horses don't appreciate it, so the vet sedated them mildly. One of them, however, was NOT okay with it, so she had to be sedated more heavily than normal. We kept her tied up until it wore off and kept an eye on her, and she gave every appearance of being totally stoned. Eyes half closed, head near the ground, swaying a bit, looking at anything that came near her with this mildly confused expression. I'm sure if she'd been human, she'd have been saying something like, "Dude...you ever noticed how...much hay looks like little sticks? It totally does, man, like little green sticks...but made of grass. Yeah...grass sticks...that you can eat."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: esteban on July 28, 2010, 03:00:56 PM
I had a doberman-German Shepard mix that used to chase the cats at my first house, he would chase them into the kitchen, and when they turned to go down the steps he would catch his claws on the vinyl floor to turn with them. 

We replaced the vinyl floor with laminate (hard surface less seams) he chased the cat into the kitchen, the cat turned (skidded a bit but not much) he tried to turn, his claws got no traction, and then he hit the wall hard enough to put his head through the drywall (thank the lord he missed a stud).  He pulled back his black and tan face covered in white drywall dust and stared at the wall with a dopey look on his face. Wondering what just happened.

He was fine, and he only had to do that once to learn not to run in the kitchen anymore.  I miss that dog, he was dumb as a post before putting his head through a wall, but he was a good dog.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfmama on July 28, 2010, 07:29:29 PM
Quote
I'd worry about brain damage but with this dog, how could I tell?
(http://www3.telus.net/smile/images/dogrun.gif)(http://www3.telus.net/smile/images/dunno2.gif) (http://www3.telus.net/smile/images/nutz.gif)

And your kid was (http://www3.telus.net/smile/images/babble.gif) & (http://www3.telus.net/smile/images/tease.gif) & bouncing off the walls this evening too.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: snowfire on July 28, 2010, 10:32:38 PM
Elfqueen's post reminded me of an old friend of mine.  She is a very hyper person anyway.  (I think she lives on double strength skinny latte & cigarettes.)  One day she accidentally took her sons' medication for ADHD.  On adults, it acts like speed.  She said that she was running from one end of the house to the other, decided to tear up the carpet in the bathroom, scrubbed the swimming pool.....

I got exhausted just listening to the list.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfmama on July 28, 2010, 11:57:17 PM
There, Elfqueen, you see?  Elfdoggie should have had a job to do.  Dig up the back yard for a vegetable garden, maybe!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on July 29, 2010, 10:31:22 AM
Elfqueen's post reminded me of an old friend of mine.  She is a very hyper person anyway.  (I think she lives on double strength skinny latte & cigarettes.)  One day she accidentally took her sons' medication for ADHD.  On adults, it acts like speed.  She said that she was running from one end of the house to the other, decided to tear up the carpet in the bathroom, scrubbed the swimming pool.....

I got exhausted just listening to the list.

That reminds me of one of the roommates that a friend of mine used to live with. My friend and the other roomies either strongly suspected or knew for sure (it was a while ago) that this girl took meth or cocaine sometimes. They used to come home sometimes to find the entire house clean and tidy from top to bottom, courtesy of this girl. My friend used to snicker inappropriately and remark, “Well, a line a day keeps the cobwebs away”.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on July 29, 2010, 10:59:26 AM
I'm sure if she'd been human, she'd have been saying something like, "Dude...you ever noticed how...much hay looks like little sticks? It totally does, man, like little green sticks...but made of grass. Yeah...grass sticks...that you can eat."

That made my day.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sirius on July 30, 2010, 12:23:47 AM
Elfqueen's post reminded me of an old friend of mine.  She is a very hyper person anyway.  (I think she lives on double strength skinny latte & cigarettes.)  One day she accidentally took her sons' medication for ADHD.  On adults, it acts like speed.  She said that she was running from one end of the house to the other, decided to tear up the carpet in the bathroom, scrubbed the swimming pool.....

I got exhausted just listening to the list.

That reminds me of one of the roommates that a friend of mine used to live with. My friend and the other roomies either strongly suspected or knew for sure (it was a while ago) that this girl took meth or cocaine sometimes. They used to come home sometimes to find the entire house clean and tidy from top to bottom, courtesy of this girl. My friend used to snicker inappropriately and remark, “Well, a line a day keeps the cobwebs away”.

The old formula for Dayquil, the daytime version of Nyquil, had that effect on me.  I took some for a cold, and stayed home while my mom and my previous fiance went to the grocery store.  By the time they got back, I had cleaned the whole house and had started on the garage.  Mom said she was going to buy a case of it.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: sparklestar on July 30, 2010, 05:32:01 AM
At the cinema with Aunt and little cousins aged 3 and 7. Big bucket of popcorn which is getting passed backwards and forwards. Littlest cousin chokes on a piece of popcorn, we whack her on the back out flies popcorn into the bucket and she throws up a little bit but is generally fine. We put popcorn on the floor and forget about it. 20 mins later oldest cousin goes "Ew! Why is this popcorn ALL WET!" We up ended ourselves! And what made it worse was that it was a really quiet bit in an otherwise raccous movie - just couldn't contain the giggles!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RegionMom on July 30, 2010, 11:52:18 PM
eewwww...vomit popcorn is also a good posting in the "not for the faint of heart, gross-out" thread!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: gmatoy on August 04, 2010, 11:31:13 PM
BG: I was hit by a car and part of my brain died. (I'm fine, I was young and brains are good at reconnecting at a young age.)

I'm fond of telling people, "I'm brain dead, what's your excuse?"

My very wonderful BIL had a stroke. I asked him, "Did you really have to have a stroke just to be able to tell me that you brain dead, too?"

My friend later heard about this and said, "His mother must be furious." I asked why and she said,"If your friend had a damaged brain, would you go get one too?"

She said that in exactly the voice that parents use for the "If your friend jumped off a bridge..." I lost it.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: ladyonwheels on August 12, 2010, 11:07:26 PM
lol oh my goodness i have a funny one!

for my birthday my hubby and his friends got together to get me a new head array control for my chair. i used to drive with my chin and the chin stick took a lot more pressure than the head array, which has proximity sensors and i steer by leaning my head back against my head rest to go forward and touching the wings on the left or right sides to turn. there is a red switch by my left cheek that puts the chair in reverse if I hit it before i lean my head back and by my right is the green switch that turns the power on or off. there's an l.e.d. display that tells me which direction i'm going and if the chair is in reverse.

well, my chair also has my dynavox communication device/computer/internet access that's mounted on an arm across my lap. the end of it sticks out a little.

end bg


when the head array was first hooked up, hubby was standing to my left and i wasn't aware of how sensitive the sensors were. i put my head back and shot forward, clocking him in the crotch with the mounting arm on my chair! he fell down, on his butt, and flattened the box the head array came in.

i stared at him and typed, 'baby, you turned me on and look at how satisfied i am'

he looked at me while holding himself and said 'hit me baby one more time'

i said to him 'dont tempt me'


we died laughing. hubby wasn't seriously hurt.


i promise i don't crash anymore!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kitty-cat on August 13, 2010, 08:09:20 AM
ladyonwheels- that is one of those moments that you can't re-create, but are the funniest thing that could ever happen :)

As my mom would say-Priceless!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: StarDrifter on August 13, 2010, 08:31:22 AM
Bahaha! Ladyonwheels, one of my mates did something similar to that when he got a new chair!

He went from an ancient beat up old rental chair that was lucky to get up a ramp without at least three attempts to a tricked out machine- we took the (black) wheels off and painted them chrome and one of our artist friends had painted flames on the frame.

He grabbed the control stick and, like he had to in the old one, pushed it ALL THE WAY FORWARD. In the old machine that meant 1~3 kp/h (slow walking pace).

This one had a top speed of 9kp/h.

He barreled down the corridor and broke his bedroom door with his footrest, and if I hadn't strapped him into the dingdangity thing not thirty seconds earlier he would have thrown himself out of it and probably broken a few bones.

He laughed his head off for a good few minutes, then proceeded back down the hallway and knocked over the kitchen table, just to see how powerful his new wheels were.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on August 13, 2010, 09:04:57 AM
That sounds like one seriously cool set of wheels! 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: DangerMouth on August 13, 2010, 09:19:35 AM
Steven Slater's getaway!  >:D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: ladyonwheels on August 13, 2010, 02:34:40 PM
anna that made me laugh out loud haha! i know how that feels too going from a junky old chair to a new one that responds at a higher speed.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: blue2000 on August 13, 2010, 03:22:11 PM
Have you guys seen the Robert Munsch book "Zoom!"? http://www.amazon.ca/Zoom-Robert-Munsch/dp/0779114329

It is about a little girl who wants a faster wheelchair, with similar results. It is hilarious!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on August 13, 2010, 03:24:25 PM
lol oh my goodness i have a funny one!

for my birthday my hubby and his friends got together to get me a new head array control for my chair. i used to drive with my chin and the chin stick took a lot more pressure than the head array, which has proximity sensors and i steer by leaning my head back against my head rest to go forward and touching the wings on the left or right sides to turn. there is a red switch by my left cheek that puts the chair in reverse if I hit it before i lean my head back and by my right is the green switch that turns the power on or off. there's an l.e.d. display that tells me which direction i'm going and if the chair is in reverse.

well, my chair also has my dynavox communication device/computer/internet access that's mounted on an arm across my lap. the end of it sticks out a little.

end bg


when the head array was first hooked up, hubby was standing to my left and i wasn't aware of how sensitive the sensors were. i put my head back and shot forward, clocking him in the crotch with the mounting arm on my chair! he fell down, on his butt, and flattened the box the head array came in.

i stared at him and typed, 'baby, you turned me on and look at how satisfied i am'

he looked at me while holding himself and said 'hit me baby one more time'

i said to him 'dont tempt me'


we died laughing. hubby wasn't seriously hurt.


i promise i don't crash anymore!

That is so cool. (the new controls.)
\
Also, your DH is hilarious.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Seraphia on August 13, 2010, 03:58:21 PM
The stoned horse made me think of this.

My old roomie had a cat named Nemo - big friendly tuxie with a nip habit. She would give him a sock with some fresh 'nip, and we would find him in the kitchen, one claw hooked in the pad of the kitchen chairleg, pulling himself around and around and around it in circles.

"Dude...no dude, dude seriously. Dude seriously, the floor. The floor, it's like...dude, it's moving. Man, this is cool...."

Best we can surmise, he forgot he had legs. And also, possibly, the floor had started sprouting elephants or something.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Miss Vertigo on August 13, 2010, 04:06:37 PM
The stoned horse made me think of this.

My old roomie had a cat named Nemo - big friendly tuxie with a nip habit. She would give him a sock with some fresh 'nip, and we would find him in the kitchen, one claw hooked in the pad of the kitchen chairleg, pulling himself around and around and around it in circles.

"Dude...no dude, dude seriously. Dude seriously, the floor. The floor, it's like...dude, it's moving. Man, this is cool...."

Best we can surmise, he forgot he had legs. And also, possibly, the floor had started sprouting elephants or something.

Ahaha, that's brilliant. I have never tried my cats on nip. Perhaps I should; it sounds like they're missing out on some wild times.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Suze on August 13, 2010, 04:10:05 PM
my three cats get the "munchies" from too much nip

if I give them something with fresh nip in it (or some from outside) they will eat their bowls dry

and then just lay there on the floor and stare at me with HUGE eyes
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: DangerMouth on August 13, 2010, 07:57:32 PM
my three cats get the "munchies" from too much nip

if I give them something with fresh nip in it (or some from outside) they will eat their bowls dry

and then just lay there on the floor and stare at me with HUGE eyes

They're trying to remember if you've always had three heads :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Suze on August 13, 2010, 08:37:53 PM
ohhh I got one I just remembered (at least I hope I didn't post it before here)

Down at our Local Renissance Festival they have the "game section" set up with one of those "swing the hammer - ring the bell" games

one of our "macho, manly" friends was showing off

doing the whole "beath in and out and get all psyched to beat the crud out of the leaver" 

and missed

Not good for manly ego - I only let out one snort - I hope he didn't hear me.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: snowfire on August 14, 2010, 09:41:13 PM
Bahaha! Ladyonwheels, one of my mates did something similar to that when he got a new chair!

He went from an ancient beat up old rental chair that was lucky to get up a ramp without at least three attempts to a tricked out machine- we took the (black) wheels off and painted them chrome and one of our artist friends had painted flames on the frame.

He grabbed the control stick and, like he had to in the old one, pushed it ALL THE WAY FORWARD. In the old machine that meant 1~3 kp/h (slow walking pace).

This one had a top speed of 9kp/h.

He barreled down the corridor and broke his bedroom door with his footrest, and if I hadn't strapped him into the dingdangity thing not thirty seconds earlier he would have thrown himself out of it and probably broken a few bones.

He laughed his head off for a good few minutes, then proceeded back down the hallway and knocked over the kitchen table, just to see how powerful his new wheels were.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090021/

The motorized chair that the hero gets!  That's power.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sirius on August 17, 2010, 07:42:34 PM
my three cats get the "munchies" from too much nip

if I give them something with fresh nip in it (or some from outside) they will eat their bowls dry

and then just lay there on the floor and stare at me with HUGE eyes

They're trying to remember if you've always had three heads :D

I'm laughing so hard I woke my cat up. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on August 25, 2010, 03:52:14 PM
Standing in a grocery store line:

To set the scene:
We have all been waiting at least fifteen minutes in line, because the place is packed, and the person checking out at this point is argueing about coupons with the cashier.

A young mother has an infant and a maybe nine or ten year old who is standing beside her looking kinda awkward and occasionally pulling on his mother, at which point she tells him the exact same thing "We're almost done, we just have to pay for the food." he looks tired and about ready to get frustrated, but is otherwise pretty normal seeming. (As in, not yelling, not vocally fussing, and more or less a well behaved kiddo. :))

This is done quietly and inconspicuously, and I probably wouldn't have noticed, except that I am a people watcher and her baby was REALLY cute. I'll call this woman LadyOne. And her son Boy.

Right behind her is an older lady with no kids in tow who is apparently also admiring the baby. She decides to comment to the young mother. I'll call her LadyTwo.

Now for the funny part.

LadyTwo: Oh, isn't she (baby) cute!
LadyOne: (Cheerfully) Thank You! She's just learning to sit up on her own. Boy has been dressing her... (i guess to explain why the baby was wearing a hockey jersy styled onsie. lol)
(boy at this point waves a bit then goes back to glomming onto his mother, who pats his head)
LadyTwo: Oh, isn't he sweet. He must be a mama's boy? they look like a handful.
LadyOne: Yep. Especially since he's asbergers.
LadyTwo: Oh now honey, I know you're having some trouble wrangling them, buit there's no need to call the child a nasty name!

I nearly lost it. LadyOne burst out laughing and explained that it was a disorder. ladyTwo appologized, but remarked before LadyOne left "Well... It does sound a bit mean as a name..."

And now i feel bad for still laughing at this two days later. Please, could someone else make me feel better and tell me this really was kinda funny?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ferrets on August 25, 2010, 04:45:24 PM
Kimblee, I laughed. ;) (And bless LadyTwo for sticking up for Boy, misguided as her attempt was!)

=====

BG: Crowded pub. Some friends and I ended up sitting with, and chatting to, a couple we vaguely knew: 'John' and 'Becky'.

John, some years before, had his left leg amputated below the knee after a particularly nasty motorbike crash. He gets around with a stick and prosthetic leg, and chats quite readily about it.

Becky is the most tedious conversationalist in the entire world. The monologuing-on-pet-subjects, word-in-edgeways-blocking, verbal equivalent of a slow-motion tank - ponderous, relentless, and instilling in bystanders the urgent wish to run far, far away as quickly as possible...

I got stuck talking with Becky. By "talking with", I mean "spending two hours politely nodding and smiling at". ::) A very long two hours.

Exchange after John and Becky had said their goodbyes and departed:

Friend: "Hey, how did John say he lost his leg, again?"

Me: "Probably chewed it off to escape..."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: DangerMouth on August 25, 2010, 07:22:38 PM
Kimblee, I laughed. ;) (And bless LadyTwo for sticking up for Boy, misguided as her attempt was!)

=====

BG: Crowded pub. Some friends and I ended up sitting with, and chatting to, a couple we vaguely knew: 'John' and 'Becky'.

John, some years before, had his left leg amputated below the knee after a particularly nasty motorbike crash. He gets around with a stick and prosthetic leg, and chats quite readily about it.

Becky is the most tedious conversationalist in the entire world. The monologuing-on-pet-subjects, word-in-edgeways-blocking, verbal equivalent of a slow-motion tank - ponderous, relentless, and instilling in bystanders the urgent wish to run far, far away as quickly as possible...

I got stuck talking with Becky. By "talking with", I mean "spending two hours politely nodding and smiling at". ::) A very long two hours.

Exchange after John and Becky had said their goodbyes and departed:

Friend: "Hey, how did John say he lost his leg, again?"

Me: "Probably chewed it off to escape..."

Bwahahaha!

I had a buddy whose mom lost the tip of her middle finger from an infected hangnail. But if you asked him, he'd tell you "Oh, she flipped off some bikers one day..."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: bookworm317 on August 26, 2010, 01:07:30 AM
Kimblee, I laughed. ;) (And bless LadyTwo for sticking up for Boy, misguided as her attempt was!)

=====

BG: Crowded pub. Some friends and I ended up sitting with, and chatting to, a couple we vaguely knew: 'John' and 'Becky'.

John, some years before, had his left leg amputated below the knee after a particularly nasty motorbike crash. He gets around with a stick and prosthetic leg, and chats quite readily about it.

Becky is the most tedious conversationalist in the entire world. The monologuing-on-pet-subjects, word-in-edgeways-blocking, verbal equivalent of a slow-motion tank - ponderous, relentless, and instilling in bystanders the urgent wish to run far, far away as quickly as possible...

I got stuck talking with Becky. By "talking with", I mean "spending two hours politely nodding and smiling at". ::) A very long two hours.

Exchange after John and Becky had said their goodbyes and departed:

Friend: "Hey, how did John say he lost his leg, again?"

Me: "Probably chewed it off to escape..."

This is TOTALLY off topic(probably), but Becky reminds me of Pip(voiced by Ben Stein) from Animaniacs.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on August 26, 2010, 04:29:09 AM
This happened in 2005 when I was visiting Dallas. A friend and I were in his living room watching one of the many tornado footage shows that pop up in spring. The footage being shown at the time was of a tornado in a residential neighbourhood. It was heading right towards the cameraman and his house, then turned on a dime and destroyed his neighbour's house instead.

Me: "I hate it when tornadoes play ding dong ditch, don't you?"

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: zyrs on August 26, 2010, 09:40:32 AM
Years ago there was a murder in my hometown.  The murderer disposed of the body in a black plastic trash bag in a large store's dumpster.

The next day an environmentally conscious couple took their children recycling.

While I am fully aware of the horror that is inherent in this situation, I do laugh about the possibility that the children have grown up to throw their Styrofoam cups out the windows of their Humvees.

Yes, I have a sick sense of humor.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on August 26, 2010, 10:46:19 PM
I was woken up early today by acid reflux. While waiting for the Pepcid to kick in, I was watching random cute animal videos on YouTube. One of them featured a puppy howling.

Yeah, my foster cat's tail stayed puffed up to about three times its normal size for a good hour afterwards. I feel bad because she was feral and probably had a bad experience or eleven, but it was still funny!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: klynett on August 27, 2010, 03:16:48 AM
Have you guys seen the Robert Munsch book "Zoom!"? http://www.amazon.ca/Zoom-Robert-Munsch/dp/0779114329

It is about a little girl who wants a faster wheelchair, with similar results. It is hilarious!

This looks seriously awesome! I just shared this on FB. I have a number of friends who would appreciate this!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hobish on August 31, 2010, 02:06:17 PM
Years ago there was a murder in my hometown.  The murderer disposed of the body in a black plastic trash bag in a large store's dumpster.

The next day an environmentally conscious couple took their children recycling.

While I am fully aware of the horror that is inherent in this situation, I do laugh about the possibility that the children have grown up to throw their Styrofoam cups out the windows of their Humvees.

Yes, I have a sick sense of humor.

That made me giggle out loud.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: ShieldMaiden on August 31, 2010, 02:17:45 PM
My horrible exBF's father (let's call him Joe) was born missing part of his right arm, just below the elbow.  One time exBF's roomate Liam was joking around with Joe about the mess that exBF leaves around their shared apartment.

Liam:  He's just so disgusting!
Joe:  Tell me about it!
Liam:  Man, I'd give my right arm for him to just to wash his dishes! *cue extremely horrified look as he realized what he just said*
Joe:  *completely deadpan and waves his stump*  I already did!  It didn't work!

Cue everyone in the room busting out laughing.  Poor Liam looked like he wanted to fall through the floor he was so horrified.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfqueen13 on August 31, 2010, 02:36:06 PM
My horrible exBF's father (let's call him Joe) was born missing part of his right arm, just below the elbow.  One time exBF's roomate Liam was joking around with Joe about the mess that exBF leaves around their shared apartment.

Liam:  He's just so disgusting!
Joe:  Tell me about it!
Liam:  Man, I'd give my right arm for him to just to wash his dishes! *cue extremely horrified look as he realized what he just said*
Joe:  *completely deadpan and waves his stump*  I already did!  It didn't work!

Cue everyone in the room busting out laughing.  Poor Liam looked like he wanted to fall through the floor he was so horrified.

That was inspired!  I wonder how long Joe had been waiting for someone to use the "I'd give my right arm" comment in front of him so he could respond like that?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on October 07, 2010, 05:32:54 PM
New one:

I went to sally's beauty for a new nail polish and nmoticed a series called "Colors of Hope" commemorating cancers. So i decided to get one for colon cancer, since that's what claimed my mama.

Colon Cancer's "color" is brown....  ::)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Shea on October 07, 2010, 05:56:39 PM
New one:

I went to sally's beauty for a new nail polish and nmoticed a series called "Colors of Hope" commemorating cancers. So i decided to get one for colon cancer, since that's what claimed my mama.

Colon Cancer's "color" is brown....  ::)

Whoever thought up that line of colors is waaaaaaaaaaay too literal :o.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Giggity on October 07, 2010, 06:18:18 PM
EPIC!!!!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on October 07, 2010, 06:29:24 PM
When my cousin's kid was born, I was braggin' around the office. A co-worker says "well, at least he has 10 fingers and 10 toes?"

In slow motion and in full appreciation of the gift I had been given, I said:

"Nope. 12 toes."

--------------
ETA that the toe count was 100% true.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: StarDrifter on October 07, 2010, 06:33:08 PM
When my cousin's kid was born, I was braggin' around the office. A co-worker says "well, at least he has 10 fingers and 10 toes?"

In slow motion and in full appreciation of the gift I have been given, I said:

"Nope. 12 toes."

WIN!! Ms_Cellany WINS THE THREAD!!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Seraphia on October 11, 2010, 08:52:01 AM
New one:

I went to sally's beauty for a new nail polish and nmoticed a series called "Colors of Hope" commemorating cancers. So i decided to get one for colon cancer, since that's what claimed my mama.

Colon Cancer's "color" is brown....  ::)

Whoever thought up that line of colors is waaaaaaaaaaay too literal :o.

I work there. I laughed too. (Also, bladder cancer is yellow.)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on October 11, 2010, 07:51:58 PM
New one:

I went to sally's beauty for a new nail polish and nmoticed a series called "Colors of Hope" commemorating cancers. So i decided to get one for colon cancer, since that's what claimed my mama.

Colon Cancer's "color" is brown....  ::)

Whoever thought up that line of colors is waaaaaaaaaaay too literal :o.

I work there. I laughed too. (Also, bladder cancer is yellow.)

CRUD MONKEYS!, I didn't notice that.

How funny.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Julia S on October 11, 2010, 11:02:41 PM
The members of my favourite band, Type O Negative, are notorious for their sick sense of humour, specifically frontman Peter Steele. Now, in his younger years he posed for Playgirl magazine, something he later regretted. When he died last April, the Type O forums were flooded with messages. A couple of quips were made (mostly relating to titles of their songs ("Dead Again", "Everything Dies", etc) but the overall mood was of anger, shock and sadness.

One of their crew, who is just as bad as the band when it comes to black humour, posted a day or two after the news broke in a thread called something like: "This is all I have to say..."

The thread contained no text and consisted entirely of one of the infamous Playgirl pictures... x100...

The board was unanimous that it was the perfect memorial thread. :P
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: vorbau on November 09, 2010, 01:39:51 PM
I think this fits here better than the "Don't Do That" thread, besides which I didn't want to derail the discussion of celebrity underpants.

My squad got called to yet another suicide this morning (as you may have heard elsewhere, military suicides are at an all time high, and my agency is required to investigate any unattended death, regardless of cause). This one was especially bad because the victim had a record of previous suicide attempts, and this time had shot himself twice before the third, fatal shot.

My first comment when we arrived at the scene? Not "oh, how tragic" or even "get the tape up and start taking pictures," but "how rude! Didn't he think about who was going to have to clean all this up?"

My deputy Mickey's response was "I think I'm going to write a book." I asked, "About why we've have so many suicides?" "No. 'Suicide: Getting It Right the First Time."

I laughed so hard I cried.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfqueen13 on November 09, 2010, 02:59:35 PM
I think this fits here better than the "Don't Do That" thread, besides which I didn't want to derail the discussion of celebrity underpants.

My squad got called to yet another suicide this morning (as you may have heard elsewhere, military suicides are at an all time high, and my agency is required to investigate any unattended death, regardless of cause). This one was especially bad because the victim had a record of previous suicide attempts, and this time had shot himself twice before the third, fatal shot.

My first comment when we arrived at the scene? Not "oh, how tragic" or even "get the tape up and start taking pictures," but "how rude! Didn't he think about who was going to have to clean all this up?"

My deputy Mickey's response was "I think I'm going to write a book." I asked, "About why we've have so many suicides?" "No. 'Suicide: Getting It Right the First Time."

I laughed so hard I cried.

I think a dark sense of humor is essential in a job like yours.

I have a coworker who is writing a book called "You Can't Stop Stupid".  I periodically send him chapter title suggestions.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: lilfox on November 09, 2010, 04:31:47 PM
This one was especially bad because the victim had a record of previous suicide attempts, and this time had shot himself twice before the third, fatal shot.

Er, wow, that is some dedication to a goal.  I'd give up after two failed attempts to pull out a splinter.   :-\
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: vorbau on November 21, 2010, 11:21:59 AM
This one was especially bad because the victim had a record of previous suicide attempts, and this time had shot himself twice before the third, fatal shot.

Er, wow, that is some dedication to a goal.  I'd give up after two failed attempts to pull out a splinter.   :-\

Yeah, he was a lousy shot. The first shot just barely skimmed the side of his head, and the second skimmed the *other* side of his head.

And I have a new one. This is the sister of Mothers Against Drunk Vacuuming and yet another daily activity to worry about: personal grooming.

I knew my early start on an undisturbed weekend (I left work at noon on Fri, and I've worked at least part of every weekend and/or holiday since July 1) was too good to last, and I was right: I got called out at 1am Saturday morning. I've been up ever since, and I am so far beyond professionally punch-drunk that simile fails me. So you can imagine my reaction to this one ...

Young woman fails to report for duty as scheduled 8pm Friday night. Supervisor calls repeatedly, then per SOP sends someone to her off-base apartment. Coworker knocks, gets no answer, gets the night security guard to let him in. They find the young woman deceased in her bathroom, apparently in the process of doing her hair.

ME concludes that she was extremely drunk (initial BAC was somewhere in the neighborhood of .25 - .28, or at least four times this state's legal limit). She apparently got tangled in the cord of either her blowdryer, or her electric brush (not sure what to call it exactly - it's like a blowdryer, but with a brush attachment at the end), and while trying to get untangled, slipped on the wet bathroom floor and hit her head hard on the edge of the bathroom counter. This, and/or the alcohol, knocked her unconscious and prevented her calling for help. ME found a fairly large depressed skull fracture and anticipates finding a big subdural hemorrhage on post. As well as a hefty final BAC.

So ... you know you have duty (showing up drunk for duty can be a court-martial offense), yet you get knee-walkin' drunk, get ready for work, and end up killing yourself with your blowdryer.

We're leaning toward calling this one "Sisters Against Drunk Hairstyling."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kendo_Bunny on November 22, 2010, 06:38:46 AM
It's well-known in my circle that I'm a recovering bulimic. I am also known for being the most cynical in the group, and probably the most sarcastic and dark-humored. And for one more piece of back story, it is known that my stepmother is emotionally abusive towards me, and contributed heavily to my bulimia.

One day, my friends decided that they were going to throw a Cheer Up Kendo party, spur of the moment, because I had been talking to one about how bad my ED had been lately and how unsupportive my stepmother was being. When I came in, they pounced on me with a box of Happy Bunny stickers and began sticking them all over me. Until they got to the last in the box and realized that they had just stuck a big sticker on me that said 'Excuse me, you made me throw up a little'.

We all laughed like lunatics at that one.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: vorbau on November 22, 2010, 09:44:28 AM
It's well-known in my circle that I'm a recovering bulimic. I am also known for being the most cynical in the group, and probably the most sarcastic and dark-humored. And for one more piece of back story, it is known that my stepmother is emotionally abusive towards me, and contributed heavily to my bulimia.

One day, my friends decided that they were going to throw a Cheer Up Kendo party, spur of the moment, because I had been talking to one about how bad my ED had been lately and how unsupportive my stepmother was being. When I came in, they pounced on me with a box of Happy Bunny stickers and began sticking them all over me. Until they got to the last in the box and realized that they had just stuck a big sticker on me that said 'Excuse me, you made me throw up a little'.

We all laughed like lunatics at that one.

With an attitude like that, you'll conquer not only your ED but the world. You can work my homicide team any time.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kitty-cat on November 22, 2010, 04:00:50 PM
Backstory to mine- I go to a small-medium sized uni that, while we are Division 1 for sports, we still do not have a football team.

When I went on campus tours 2 years ago, the whole "once the school size is stabalized we can look about a football team" thing was mentioned.

I walked past a tour group today-and heard the "football team" spiel again. I snorted while walking past.

We'll get a football team when we get Greek Housing. And the housing is "only 5 years away" ::)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 28, 2010, 08:33:42 PM
I have a couple relating to my dad's death and one to my best friends dad's funeral.  I have a very warped, black sense of humor, and find funny things others may not.  My dad was the same way.  Mom and I were at the funeral home, making arrangements for Dad to be cremated, and the funeral director was showing us all the different types of "containers" one could have their loved ones cremated in.  ranging from a cardboard box to a fancy, ornate casket.  He then left mom and I alone to chat and figure out what we wanted.  I started laughing at the cardboard box and joked that dad would NOT find that acceptable....add to that the fact the name of the funeral home was Bucktrout.  Which had me in fits of giggles.

the second was the day we had a "celebration of life" aka party for my dad.  The morning of, this HUGE turkey vulture landed on the railing of the deck.  I had never seen one there, and haven't since.  I'm convinced it was my dad, coming back to make sure the party was up to his standards!

And with my friend's dad - I don't know all the details, but if you are having someone cremated, and also having a viewing, you can "rent" a casket for the viewing.  So that's what they did for her dad, and the funeral home was owned by someone her parents knew and had gone to school with, and was in an older house.  when it came time to bring her dad out in the casket, it would not fit out the door, so the staff was scrambling and finally took it out through  a window!  The staff was horrifiedd but my friend and her siblings were trying not to crack up as they all said their dad was up there having a good laugh at them all down below!  I also laughed like a loon when she told me...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hermanne on November 30, 2010, 10:05:23 AM
My SIL (not a Barbie fan) posted a pic on FB: her just-turned-5 year old DD had hung her naked Barbie from the bed with a yo-yo string.
SIL asks, "Should I be concerned...or proud?!"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on November 30, 2010, 10:34:45 AM
My SIL (not a Barbie fan) posted a pic on FB: her just-turned-5 year old DD had hung her naked Barbie from the bed with a yo-yo string.
SIL asks, "Should I be concerned...or proud?!"

*snerk*
Maybe a little of both?  (I wasn't a Barbie fan either)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Samantha on November 30, 2010, 10:46:03 AM
My SIL (not a Barbie fan) posted a pic on FB: her just-turned-5 year old DD had hung her naked Barbie from the bed with a yo-yo string.
SIL asks, "Should I be concerned...or proud?!"

*snerk*
Maybe a little of both?  (I wasn't a Barbie fan either)

Heck, I WAS a fan of Barbie (at one point, I had over 200 of the darn things, all of them in varying stages of undress, much to Grandma's frustration!), and I STILL managed to hang her from the ceiling fan (and turn it on!). I think she was supposed to be skydiving that day. :D That, or maybe a superhero....
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: tnpenguinbaby on November 30, 2010, 01:09:51 PM
F was trying to decide what tattoo she wanted and where (note: F is a busty gal and has nursed 3 kids).  I piped up and said "Oh, F! You should get the titanic tattooed across your chest so we can watch it sink!"


My friend (also 'gifted' in the mammary area) was getting a dagger tattooed on her breast.  The artist mentioned something along the lines of "you know this may......distort.....later in life?"  To which she responded "Yep - by the time I'm a little old lady in the nursing home I'll have Excalibur"  Took him 20 minutes before he could continue the tattoo  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: faithlessone on November 30, 2010, 01:35:30 PM
My SIL (not a Barbie fan) posted a pic on FB: her just-turned-5 year old DD had hung her naked Barbie from the bed with a yo-yo string.
SIL asks, "Should I be concerned...or proud?!"

My cousin used to (aged 4) play a game where she made her Barbies jump off the top of her dollhouse and 'die'. According to her mother, this would occupy her for hours!

She's 13 now, and no suicidal/homicidal tendencies yet. Nothing to worry about!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hyzenthlay on November 30, 2010, 01:40:51 PM
My SIL (not a Barbie fan) posted a pic on FB: her just-turned-5 year old DD had hung her naked Barbie from the bed with a yo-yo string.
SIL asks, "Should I be concerned...or proud?!"

Oh mine had the lives of a soap opera star. Thrown off cliffs (I only had one Ken and they fought over him  >:D), buried in pyramids, trampled by horses, sealed up under floor boards, subject to sharp pendulums, or lost in chasms after earthquakes (I've always liked Poe) . . .
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Nora on November 30, 2010, 01:46:34 PM
F was trying to decide what tattoo she wanted and where (note: F is a busty gal and has nursed 3 kids).  I piped up and said "Oh, F! You should get the titanic tattooed across your chest so we can watch it sink!"


My friend (also 'gifted' in the mammary area) was getting a dagger tattooed on her breast.  The artist mentioned something along the lines of "you know this may......distort.....later in life?"  To which she responded "Yep - by the time I'm a little old lady in the nursing home I'll have Excalibur"  Took him 20 minutes before he could continue the tattoo  ;D

That-was-excellent!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Seraphia on November 30, 2010, 07:45:36 PM
My SIL (not a Barbie fan) posted a pic on FB: her just-turned-5 year old DD had hung her naked Barbie from the bed with a yo-yo string.
SIL asks, "Should I be concerned...or proud?!"

Oh mine had the lives of a soap opera star. Thrown off cliffs (I only had one Ken and they fought over him  >:D), buried in pyramids, trampled by horses, sealed up under floor boards, subject to sharp pendulums, or lost in chasms after earthquakes (I've always liked Poe) . . .

Mine too. I started with four Kens, but two lost their heads during various car wrecks or imprisonments (I forget the exact circumstances). The heads became the oracles when Barbie went questing. Ken #3 got covered in green puff paint during a tribal sacrifice, and when I couldn't get it off, he became perpetually infected with leprosy.

Ken #4 spent a lot of time in cages or bandages or chains. Barbie was always rescuing him.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: The Opinionator on December 01, 2010, 08:37:09 AM
My SIL (not a Barbie fan) posted a pic on FB: her just-turned-5 year old DD had hung her naked Barbie from the bed with a yo-yo string.
SIL asks, "Should I be concerned...or proud?!"

Oh mine had the lives of a soap opera star. Thrown off cliffs (I only had one Ken and they fought over him  >:D), buried in pyramids, trampled by horses, sealed up under floor boards, subject to sharp pendulums, or lost in chasms after earthquakes (I've always liked Poe) . . .

Mine too. I started with four Kens, but two lost their heads during various car wrecks or imprisonments (I forget the exact circumstances). The heads became the oracles when Barbie went questing. Ken #3 got covered in green puff paint during a tribal sacrifice, and when I couldn't get it off, he became perpetually infected with leprosy.

Ken #4 spent a lot of time in cages or bandages or chains. Barbie was always rescuing him.
Marry me  ;D.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on December 01, 2010, 11:04:59 AM
My SIL (not a Barbie fan) posted a pic on FB: her just-turned-5 year old DD had hung her naked Barbie from the bed with a yo-yo string.
SIL asks, "Should I be concerned...or proud?!"

Oh mine had the lives of a soap opera star. Thrown off cliffs (I only had one Ken and they fought over him  >:D), buried in pyramids, trampled by horses, sealed up under floor boards, subject to sharp pendulums, or lost in chasms after earthquakes (I've always liked Poe) . . .

Mine too. I started with four Kens, but two lost their heads during various car wrecks or imprisonments (I forget the exact circumstances). The heads became the oracles when Barbie went questing. Ken #3 got covered in green puff paint during a tribal sacrifice, and when I couldn't get it off, he became perpetually infected with leprosy.

Ken #4 spent a lot of time in cages or bandages or chains. Barbie was always rescuing him.
Marry me  ;D.
Me too!  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Jolie_kitten on December 01, 2010, 11:07:09 AM
My SIL (not a Barbie fan) posted a pic on FB: her just-turned-5 year old DD had hung her naked Barbie from the bed with a yo-yo string.
SIL asks, "Should I be concerned...or proud?!"

Oh mine had the lives of a soap opera star. Thrown off cliffs (I only had one Ken and they fought over him  >:D), buried in pyramids, trampled by horses, sealed up under floor boards, subject to sharp pendulums, or lost in chasms after earthquakes (I've always liked Poe) . . .

Mine too. I started with four Kens, but two lost their heads during various car wrecks or imprisonments (I forget the exact circumstances). The heads became the oracles when Barbie went questing. Ken #3 got covered in green puff paint during a tribal sacrifice, and when I couldn't get it off, he became perpetually infected with leprosy.

Ken #4 spent a lot of time in cages or bandages or chains. Barbie was always rescuing him.
Marry me  ;D.
Me too!  ;D
Me toooo!!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: bookworm317 on December 01, 2010, 11:10:56 AM
Mine too. I started with four Kens, but two lost their heads during various car wrecks or imprisonments (I forget the exact circumstances). The heads became the oracles when Barbie went questing. Ken #3 got covered in green puff paint during a tribal sacrifice, and when I couldn't get it off, he became perpetually infected with leprosy.

Ken #4 spent a lot of time in cages or bandages or chains. Barbie was always rescuing him.

Seraphia, I love you. You are teh AWESOME!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: The Opinionator on December 01, 2010, 11:21:02 AM
Hands off, Ms_Cellany and Jolie-Kitten. She's mine!!!  >:D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Missy Hedgehog on December 01, 2010, 11:47:08 AM
My SIL (not a Barbie fan) posted a pic on FB: her just-turned-5 year old DD had hung her naked Barbie from the bed with a yo-yo string.
SIL asks, "Should I be concerned...or proud?!"

Oh mine had the lives of a soap opera star. Thrown off cliffs (I only had one Ken and they fought over him  >:D), buried in pyramids, trampled by horses, sealed up under floor boards, subject to sharp pendulums, or lost in chasms after earthquakes (I've always liked Poe) . . .

Mine too. I started with four Kens, but two lost their heads during various car wrecks or imprisonments (I forget the exact circumstances). The heads became the oracles when Barbie went questing. Ken #3 got covered in green puff paint during a tribal sacrifice, and when I couldn't get it off, he became perpetually infected with leprosy.

Ken #4 spent a lot of time in cages or bandages or chains. Barbie was always rescuing him.
Haha it sounds like the Ehellions should meet up with the people at Burning Man who run the Barbie Death Camp :) That's always one of my favorite places to drop by when I'm there.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: PeasNCues on December 01, 2010, 12:13:15 PM
My grandfather died in December and my grandmother died soon after.

My family was in charge of the funeral arrangements, etc.

We got a 10% discount from the place where we bought the casket because we were repeat customers.

For some reason this struck us all as hilarious.

Also, my grandfather died in SE Virginia and was to be buried in Maryland. To save the $600+ on the body transportation fee, my uncle got a permit to transport the body in his van.

Cue many jokes about sitting grandpa up in the front seat to be able to go in the HOV, or how great it would be if uncle were pulled over and the cop asked him what was in the back. "My father." And, of course, much quoting of the Little Miss Sunshine movie. "Where is your grandfather?" "In the trunk of the car."

Don't get us wrong, we were devastated with grandpa died, but we were rolling all day about that.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on December 01, 2010, 02:53:24 PM
A couple of weeks ago, I was at a pet shop. They carried rabbits, and an employee was helping a man who appeared to be developmentally disabled hold and pet one of them. All I could think of was, "Lenny!!".
I guess I must be too much of a fan of that book.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: PeasNCues on December 01, 2010, 02:54:14 PM
A couple of weeks ago, I was at a pet shop. They carried rabbits, and an employee was helping a man who appeared to be developmentally disabled hold and pet one of them. All I could think of was, "Lenny!!".
I guess I must be too much of a fan of that book.
Is this the "Tell me about the rabbits, George"? book
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on December 01, 2010, 03:00:20 PM
Yup. And the guy was really into petting the rabbit, just like Lenny was. But in a good way.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: readingchick on December 01, 2010, 05:41:05 PM
When my grandfather died, my parents and I stopped at a coffee shop on our way to the funeral home. We were behind a conversion van which made a turn without signaling. Cue me in the back seat croaking "If I were a cop I'd give him [the van driver] a ticket!" (one of grandpa's pet phrases while driving). I still can't believe I said that.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Samantha on December 01, 2010, 06:26:30 PM
As I mentioned in the Hugs folder, a friend of mine (J) took his own life over the holiday weekend. The friend was very openly gay (this is relevant).

When my best friend (who is one of the executors of estate for our friend) told a mutual friend about J, and told him that J wanted to cremated, our friend made a comment that I'm sure a few others didn't have the guts to say, but were certainly thinking... That J was going out in death, the way he lived his life... flaming.

We both laughed about it, apologized for laughing, and then laughed some more.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: JonGirl on December 02, 2010, 04:47:16 AM
As I mentioned in the Hugs folder, a friend of mine (J) took his own life over the holiday weekend. The friend was very openly gay (this is relevant).

When my best friend (who is one of the executors of estate for our friend) told a mutual friend about J, and told him that J wanted to cremated, our friend made a comment that I'm sure a few others didn't have the guts to say, but were certainly thinking... That J was going out in death, the way he lived his life... flaming.

We both laughed about it, apologized for laughing, and then laughed some more.

I know I shouldn't laugh at this but I can't help it.
*chokes back laughter tears*




Anyway, sorry about your friend.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on December 02, 2010, 09:46:16 AM
As I mentioned in the Hugs folder, a friend of mine (J) took his own life over the holiday weekend. The friend was very openly gay (this is relevant).

When my best friend (who is one of the executors of estate for our friend) told a mutual friend about J, and told him that J wanted to cremated, our friend made a comment that I'm sure a few others didn't have the guts to say, but were certainly thinking... That J was going out in death, the way he lived his life... flaming.

We both laughed about it, apologized for laughing, and then laughed some more.

At the funeral of a family friend, another long-time family friend of the rather bumbling sort, "Edward," was tasked with picking up some people. He was late and the funeral was held up until they got there.

I whispered to my sister "He couldn't be late to his own funeral, but he did the next best thing..."  She whapped me discreetly.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Samantha on December 02, 2010, 12:05:37 PM
I know I shouldn't laugh at this but I can't help it.
*chokes back laughter tears*

Anyway, sorry about your friend.

Hence the reason I have posted this in the Things that you just should NOT laugh at thread. :)

Thank you.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Seraphia on December 02, 2010, 07:47:07 PM
Mine too. I started with four Kens, but two lost their heads during various car wrecks or imprisonments (I forget the exact circumstances). The heads became the oracles when Barbie went questing. Ken #3 got covered in green puff paint during a tribal sacrifice, and when I couldn't get it off, he became perpetually infected with leprosy.

Ken #4 spent a lot of time in cages or bandages or chains. Barbie was always rescuing him.

Seraphia, I love you. You are teh AWESOME!

Awww, thanks. :) Mom always looked a bit uncomfortable when we went on car trips and Ken would be strung up by his feet on the coat hanger hook. :D



As far as more things not to laugh at: I was watching Top Gear before work today, and there was a car race that had me in tears. The hosts had staged a race between four sets of stacked cars: two-car units, with one car on top with steering but no pedals, one below with pedals but no steering. Because they were short one person, their sound guy volunteered for one of the top cars with the steering wheel. Sound guy has one prosthetic arm - the kind with a curved clamp-hand.

Half way through the third lap, the sound guy shouts down to his partner: "Jeremy! My arm's come off!" The strap had apparently given way, and the arm was clamped to the steering wheel, spinning around and whacking the windshield as he drove.

I laughed way too hard at that. I shouldn't have...but the arm just kept going spinnnnnWHACK spinnnnWHACK as he was turning back and forth.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: whiterose on December 02, 2010, 08:17:31 PM
Somebody on Not Always Right requested a "Swastika Crystal"- really meaning "Swarovski Crystal".

For some reason, that cracked me up. I do not know if that makes me insensitive (although a swastika does NOT automatically equal the Nazi symbol)- but it was still hilarious.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on December 07, 2010, 08:29:18 AM
On our employee-only accessible website, we publish news of our employees who've gone above and beyond the call of customer service.  A recent entry had me both beaming with pride for my colleague, but also stiffling fits of laughter.   >:D


"Over the past year, John Doe has serviced me on many occasions. In particular, during my two-time recent reviews this year, he serviced me intensively at the counter on the first-floor as a receptionist..... "


*Names and dates changed
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: blue2000 on December 07, 2010, 08:41:14 AM
Had one today. A gentleman at work is disabled, and has problems walking. He has had a few bad falls.

Co-worker - "Where's Bill? (yelling across the store) BILL!! BILL!! Are you still upright?"

*faint voice in the distance*

Co-worker - "Oh, OK then! He's fine. Let's go."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfqueen13 on December 07, 2010, 08:46:54 AM
On our employee-only accessible website, we publish news of our employees who've gone above and beyond the call of customer service.  A recent entry had me both beaming with pride for my colleague, but also stiffling fits of laughter.   >:D


"Over the past year, John Doe has serviced me on many occasions. In particular, during my two-time recent reviews this year, he serviced me intensively at the counter on the first-floor as a receptionist..... "


*Names and dates changed

Wow.  I had a CSR job once where my manager told me it was my job to service the customers.  I told him I would serve the customers to the best of my abilities but servicing was outside my job description.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfmama on December 07, 2010, 08:53:23 AM
On our employee-only accessible website, we publish news of our employees who've gone above and beyond the call of customer service.  A recent entry had me both beaming with pride for my colleague, but also stiffling fits of laughter.   >:D


"Over the past year, John Doe has serviced me on many occasions. In particular, during my two-time recent reviews this year, he serviced me intensively at the counter on the first-floor as a receptionist..... "


*Names and dates changed

Wow.  I had a CSR job once where my manager told me it was my job to service the customers.  I told him I would serve the customers to the best of my abilities but servicing was outside my job description.
Did you explain the difference?  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfqueen13 on December 07, 2010, 09:03:31 AM
On our employee-only accessible website, we publish news of our employees who've gone above and beyond the call of customer service.  A recent entry had me both beaming with pride for my colleague, but also stiffling fits of laughter.   >:D


"Over the past year, John Doe has serviced me on many occasions. In particular, during my two-time recent reviews this year, he serviced me intensively at the counter on the first-floor as a receptionist..... "


*Names and dates changed

Wow.  I had a CSR job once where my manager told me it was my job to service the customers.  I told him I would serve the customers to the best of my abilities but servicing was outside my job description.
Did you explain the difference?  ;D

Yes. I may have been in a call center, but it wasn't a 900 number.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: DangerMouth on December 07, 2010, 10:32:03 AM
Charlie was a member of our theatre group, and was paraplegic and so always in a wheelchair.

One day our director was on a tear during a meeting. Reaming people out right and left, cast and crew both, about things that weren't done, or not done to his satisfaction. Finally he turns to Charlie and roars "And YOU! STAND UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!"

Charlie calmly replies "You'd just about s**t if I did"

We laughed till we cried.

-----

More recently, I was visiting an old friend on Thanksgiving evening. His sister had died, suddenly and much too young, the week before, and her memorial service was the next day. The house was filled with friends and family, there for the holiday and the memorial. This was the first time I had been in his home since the extensive renovations he had done, so he was giving SO and I a tour. We got to the master bedroom suite, and it was a mess; unmade bed, clothes in piles everywhere. He's obviously embarassed and makes an apology for the mess, and I say "That's OK, it's not like it's Thanksgiving or anything." I'm immediately wishing my need to make a smart-alek remark would just die, but he thought that was a riot and we laughed until we cried.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Tashigi on December 10, 2010, 09:48:47 PM
Not nearly as bad as most of these examples... but just now, the pomeranian was playing and then started a run-up to hop up to "her chair". Only, she jumped a little too early and nearly brained herself on the underside of the coffee table.

My dad and I proceeded to laugh ourselves sick. My mother was nothing but concerned.

I think the dog is all right. But with pomeranians? No one knows.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kendo_Bunny on December 10, 2010, 11:25:51 PM
For some back story, my mother passed away when I was 5 and my sister was 7. It's a little morbid, but since I hate 'Your mom' jokes, I can usually just deadpan 'My mom's dead'. This usually either inspires a flurry of apologies, or a 'Haha, yeah... wait, you're serious?'.

For the thing I shouldn't laugh at, I was at a convention with my sister and her roommate, and my sister made a comment about hoping that our door was properly locked. Her roommate came back with 'Your mom is locked!', and I chimed in 'Yeah, she is. In a box.' Everyone stared for a second, then we all broke down laughing. We decided they locked coffins as standard procedure to prevent zombie uprisings, and apparently our mom being locked in a box has become one of their big inside jokes.

My dad put my aunt's ashes in with the roots of a magnolia tree he planted at our house. We make jokes about how we have Aunt Rachel buried in the backyard. It got worse when I told a friend this while we were walking in the very spacious, rural backyard and found a bone. It was a deer bone, but still - she flipped out, and I had to catch my breath from laughing so hard to explain that it she was cremated.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: PeasNCues on December 13, 2010, 07:20:29 AM
Moose got his head stuck in the handle of a paper grocery bag. I was laughing too hard to help him out of it as he ran around the living room.

I'm a mean bunny mommy.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hushabye on December 13, 2010, 12:34:23 PM
Moose got his head stuck in the handle of a paper grocery bag. I was laughing too hard to help him out of it as he ran around the living room.

I'm a mean bunny mommy.

Travis did the same thing when Prometheus got his head stuck in the handle of a plastic bag.  Cat just about tore the house down trying to get the thing off while he sat there and laughed.

I about cried from laughter when I got home and he told me about it.  And Prometheus now treats all plastic bags as though they are his mortal enemies.  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: lilfox on December 13, 2010, 02:58:08 PM
Years ago my roommate's cat got a plastic bag over her head, freaked out, and took off around the room.  She was moving too fast and too erratically to help (also, we were laughing too hard), but she eventually ran smack into a wall which slowed her down enough to free her.

One of my cats just had one of those white neck cone things on for the first time, to prevent her getting to an injury on her hindquarters.  She spent the first ten minutes trying to back out of it, wandering all over the living room in reverse and bouncing off furniture.  I alternated between laughing and "aww poor thing", while DH naturally grabbed the camera and shot some video.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Seraphia on December 13, 2010, 09:27:09 PM
Years ago my roommate's cat got a plastic bag over her head, freaked out, and took off around the room.  She was moving too fast and too erratically to help (also, we were laughing too hard), but she eventually ran smack into a wall which slowed her down enough to free her.

One of my cats just had one of those white neck cone things on for the first time, to prevent her getting to an injury on her hindquarters.  She spent the first ten minutes trying to back out of it, wandering all over the living room in reverse and bouncing off furniture.  I alternated between laughing and "aww poor thing", while DH naturally grabbed the camera and shot some video.

My old roommate had a cat who did the same thing. He got his head caught in a bag handle, and he ran around with the bag trailing behind him like a plastic parachute. Every now and again, it would catch the air, and expand behind him with a sharp POW! Scared him so badly he finally wet himself.

I laughed until I cried at that story, even though I felt badly for poor Merlin.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Shea on December 14, 2010, 12:43:19 AM
Moose got his head stuck in the handle of a paper grocery bag. I was laughing too hard to help him out of it as he ran around the living room.

I'm a mean bunny mommy.

Travis did the same thing when Prometheus got his head stuck in the handle of a plastic bag.  Cat just about tore the house down trying to get the thing off while he sat there and laughed.

I about cried from laughter when I got home and he told me about it.  And Prometheus now treats all plastic bags as though they are his mortal enemies.  ;D

Exactly the same thing happened to Big Cranky Cat when she was a kitten. She went rampaging around the house trying to get away from the bag, and ran headfirst at top speed into a a door. I think she sustained some brain damage; she had some severely weird behaviors.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on December 15, 2010, 02:56:19 PM
A similar story: years ago I had to give both my cats Advantage flea killer because they both had fleas. For those who don't know, you put a big drop of it smack on the top of their heads, and it repels fleas. It also has a strong, unpleasant odor that they don't like at all. So they're both running around, trying to get away from this odor, not understanding that it's on the top of their heads, so they can't get away from it.
I was LOL so hard at their misery, what a mean cat mommy I was, heh.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RebeccainGA on December 16, 2010, 10:25:24 AM
Two that come to mind - my parents had this dog, Tootsie, that would eat anything. She was very bright, for the most part, except when there was food involved. She was also a weird mixed breed - looked like a cross between a bulldog and a yellow lab, and was very stocky and only about 10" at the shoulder and had a small head.

Mom set a trash bag on the back porch one afternoon, meaning for one of us to take it to the big can (it was apparently pretty stinky, and she needed to get it out of the house). Tootsie found it first, and managed to get her head stuck inside one of those industrial-sized boxes of Goldfish crackers (the ones that look like large milk cartons). She was running around the back yard, bumping into things, and getting the corner of the carton stuck in the dirt if she didn't hold her head up high enough.

Dad finally chased her down and took it off (we were dying laughing and couldn't stop long enough to get her) and as soon as she got the thing off, she started these running sideways slides (looked like she was sliding into home base, on her face). Mom and I were convinced she had picked up the idea from the box (they had been taken to a baseball game the day before).

Second one - I had a group of friends I hung out with in high school. Some of us had cars, others didn't (I did not). One of my friends, LuLu, was a drag queen (he still performs professionally, and makes good money at it). He was my first gay friend, and helped me come out to my parents (the fact that I'm a lesbian is important to the story). Another, Mike, was a cancer patient, who had lost his right leg (above the knee) at an early age due to his treatments. One evening, we decided to go hang out together. LuLu came and picked us up - and off we went to one of the few things open that late in the area (it was almost midnight) - the 24 hour bowling place. When we got out of the car, I said that we were a joke looking for a punchline. The guys asked me what I meant. I said "A lesbian, a drag queen and a one legged man walk into a bowling alley..." We ended up getting back in the car and leaving, we were afraid we'd get thrown out for laughing so loudly.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: R_Suerte on December 16, 2010, 10:33:32 AM
Second one - I had a group of friends I hung out with in high school. Some of us had cars, others didn't (I did not). One of my friends, LuLu, was a drag queen (he still performs professionally, and makes good money at it). He was my first gay friend, and helped me come out to my parents (the fact that I'm a lesbian is important to the story). Another, Mike, was a cancer patient, who had lost his right leg (above the knee) at an early age due to his treatments. One evening, we decided to go hang out together. LuLu came and picked us up - and off we went to one of the few things open that late in the area (it was almost midnight) - the 24 hour bowling place. When we got out of the car, I said that we were a joke looking for a punchline. The guys asked me what I meant. I said "A lesbian, a drag queen and a one legged man walk into a bowling alley..." We ended up getting back in the car and leaving, we were afraid we'd get thrown out for laughing so loudly.

One time I was leaving a drugstore and in walked a priest, a transvestite, and a one-armed man...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on December 16, 2010, 10:37:51 AM
A nun, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says "Is this some kind of joke?"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on December 16, 2010, 02:31:32 PM
One of our cats - the one we call "bulimic" because of her eating habits (also "not funny," I suppose!) - likes to beg at the table, no matter what's being eaten. One time we were eating chips and salsa and my dad was tired of her begging, so he put some salsa on his finger and let her lick it off. Well, it was not mild salsa...and she was not pleased. Poor thing licked her lips and nose for 10 minutes. It was mean of me to laugh, but I did anyway! >:D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: PeasNCues on December 16, 2010, 02:38:32 PM
We had a dog that would snatch food as soon as it hit the floor. He was super fast.

One day, dad dropped a jalapeno.

Doggie was not pleased.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfmama on December 16, 2010, 03:20:32 PM
I may have told this story.  It may even be on this thread --- if so, please excuse a fibrofogged grandma!

SIL #2 was trying to break their little dog of stealing food off the table.   He got some raw hamburger and mixed in some of the hottest hot sauce that he had.   And then he left it on the kitchen table and went into the living room to play on the computer.

Not a sound from the kitchen.  No yelps of pain and frantic water drinking, nothing.  After a time, Little Dog came into the living room and jumped up on SIL's lap.  He licked SIL's hands, got petted, and then put down on the floor, where he settled down to take a nap.

And SIL, without thinking about it, rubbed his eyes.  Yes, Little Dog had eaten the hotsauce hamburger.  Poor SIL -- maced by his own dog!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: JonGirl on December 17, 2010, 12:43:20 AM


When my brother was younger, my dad asked him if he wanted a lolly.
Brother said yes and took it and ate it. It was a whole hot chilli.   :o
The poor little boy nearly keeled over, red eyes, red mouth and all.
Took him a long time to get over it. It was funny at the time but now it's just mean.
Actually thinking about it is making me angry for some reason.   >:(  :-\
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: VorFemme on December 17, 2010, 11:06:03 AM
My mother went over to a friend's house who was raising hot peppers and mini-tomatoes in her garden when we were young.  Younger Brother (#3 of 4 kids) was with her.  He was given a tomato to eat (cherry or grape sized) and apparently liked it - because, although he wasn't as tall as the kitchen counter, he came back and reached up to get another one.

The third time, he got the wrong bowl and got a hot pepper instead............

Mom and the friend were waiting for the howls to begin..........

Brother is a Texan born & bred - his hand went back up for a second hot pepper!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Bibliophile on December 17, 2010, 11:09:19 AM


When my brother was younger, my dad asked him if he wanted a lolly.
Brother said yes and took it and ate it. It was a whole hot chilli.   :o
The poor little boy nearly keeled over, red eyes, red mouth and all.
Took him a long time to get over it. It was funny at the time but now it's just mean.
Actually thinking about it is making me angry for some reason.   >:(  :-\

My dad did that to me when I was 6.  Once I stopped crying, I did it to my little brother (he was almost 5)...  I ended up grounded for a week, but dad didn't get in trouble at all.  I still think about the injustice of that & view it as a very bad parenting decision. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on December 17, 2010, 02:33:07 PM
My Mom has a large orange tom cat by the name of Han Solo. He lives in her garage, since he hates all other cats, and seems to quite like it in there.

We had freezing rain yesterday, and there was about an inch of ice covering everything. Mom went into the garage and got the back of rock salt out and was salting the porch steps. Han Solo heard what sounded to him like someone shaking a bag of cat food, got excited, and went running out of the garage as fast as he could..straight onto the layer of extremely slick ice.

Mom said that Han Solo's legs went out from under him and he landed on his side, spun, and slid a good 4 feet on his side down the driveway, where he proceeded to fall right off the edge of it into one of her flower beds. She said he lay there for a few seconds, looking dazed, then got up, shook himself, and walked very carefully back into the garage.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Fliss on December 19, 2010, 02:37:31 AM
I may have told this story.  It may even be on this thread --- if so, please excuse a fibrofogged grandma!

And SIL, without thinking about it, rubbed his eyes.  Yes, Little Dog had eaten the hotsauce hamburger.  Poor SIL -- maced by his own dog!

You know, that sounds suspiciously like revenge to me. Small dogs can be much smarter than people think.

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on December 25, 2010, 05:13:41 PM
We had dinner at one of the few restaurants open on Christmas Day around here. Behind us was a table of six African-American gentlemen. I was in the booth facing away, so I don't know what precisely precipitated the threat, but I suddenly hear "Man, if you ever reach over my plate again, I'll slap the black off of you!"

I started laughing hysterically. Wrong, but...

Edited for grammar.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on December 25, 2010, 09:54:30 PM
It's so wrong when you think something that can cause serious injury to someone is funny....

My mom's dinner chair kind of gave out this evening. She didn't go crashing to the floor or anything, it was pretty minor. The chair just kind of dropped a half-inch. But we laughed anyway thinking of how funny it was. And how funny it would have looked had she gone head over heels over in the chair! Have you ever seen video or seen that happen live? The way the legs and feet just go flying up and over. And the look on their face. I'm laughing even typing this right now! But falling over in a chair or having it collapse on you can cause serious injury, so really, it's not funny altogether, even if it looks so.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on December 26, 2010, 07:55:17 AM
My poor sweet lab mix, Jack, had an upset tummy yesterday.  He had managed to curl up on our bed under the covers and has the hiccups.  I felt so bad for him, but it was so cute!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Suze on December 26, 2010, 08:00:37 AM
My poor sweet lab mix, Jack, had an upset tummy yesterday.  He had managed to curl up on our bed under the covers and has the hiccups.  I felt so bad for him, but it was so cute!

be glad it was "only" the hiccups

when my little dog had hiccups it was only the prelude for "ick"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on December 26, 2010, 09:31:59 AM
It's so wrong when you think something that can cause serious injury to someone is funny....

My mom's dinner chair kind of gave out this evening. She didn't go crashing to the floor or anything, it was pretty minor. The chair just kind of dropped a half-inch. But we laughed anyway thinking of how funny it was. And how funny it would have looked had she gone head over heels over in the chair! Have you ever seen video or seen that happen live? The way the legs and feet just go flying up and over. And the look on their face. I'm laughing even typing this right now! But falling over in a chair or having it collapse on you can cause serious injury, so really, it's not funny altogether, even if it looks so.

Oh, that reminds me!

We had my Aunt Maggie over years ago (she's long gone now), and we were in the kitchen talking.  For some reason, Mom needed a chair, so she pulls one out from the table.  At the same time, Aunt Maggie decided she needed to sit, so she sat down.  Problem one:  Neither was looking at the other.  Problem two: they chose the same chair.  So Aunt Maggie goes down tuchus over tea-kettle.  There's an awkward silence (me trying not to laugh, and Mom worried she inadvertently broke the old lady's hip), when Maggie starts laughing her head off.  So that sets me off, and Mom (still trying to be concerned) is telling me (in between breaths because she's laughing) not to laugh.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: mechtilde on December 26, 2010, 09:36:49 AM
I was with a group of colleagues,  and we were having a night out. "Simon" and I were the last ones to walk into the bar, but the bouncer wouldn't let "Simon" in because he thought that he was drunk.

Now "Simon" had had a couple of beers, but he wasn't drunk, by any stretch of the imagination. What I had forgotten (because I see him all the time) is thta he walks with a limp and looks as though he is staggering. The bouncer only let him in after giving me a lecture about making sure that I kept an eye on my inibriated friend. It took me a couple of minutes to work out why the bouncer thought "Simon" was drunk, but I didn't say anything (not my place- "Simon" could have said something if he wanted to)

When we got inside we laughed ourselves silly.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on December 26, 2010, 11:50:27 AM
This may actually fall under the heading of "Things you definitely *should* laugh at."

Our family got an XBox Kinect for Christmas.

For those who don't know, this is a video game system that uses an infrared light to scan you as you move.
Instead of using a controller, you control the game with body movement.

That means that players are jumping, stretching and generally flailing as they play Dodgeball, ride river rafts etc.
If that image weren't funny enough, the system takes photos during games and then displays them with captions.

So DS played this morning and the machine put up an image of him in a bizarre pose and called it "Funky Pirouette".

DS(14) turns to me and says, puzzled and vaguely indignant, "Did that thing just call me a parakeet?"

Why yes son, yes it did!  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Nora on December 27, 2010, 11:11:49 AM
As I mentioned in a different thread it is 12 degrees Fahrenheit and windy here at the moment (I'll never be warm again). What I should not laugh at is my dachshund Kenneth in his little green sweater trying very hard to balance on two legs (left front and right back paw) in the snow, and then quickly switching when it get's too cold on the currently weight-bearing paws. Even better if he is looking at me with his desperate "ZOMG I'm DYING!!!"-face! I do feel sorry for him, but it just cracks me up!

I swear I don't keep him out longer than absolutely necessary while this ice age is going on, but he needs to do his business outside, and not on my new carpet!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Shea on December 27, 2010, 12:52:17 PM
As I mentioned in a different thread it is 12 degrees Fahrenheit and windy here at the moment (I'll never be warm again). What I should not laugh at is my dachshund Kenneth in his little green sweater trying very hard to balance on two legs (left front and right back paw) in the snow, and then quickly switching when it get's too cold on the currently weight-bearing paws. Even better if he is looking at me with his desperate "ZOMG I'm DYING!!!"-face! I do feel sorry for him, but it just cracks me up!

I swear I don't keep him out longer than absolutely necessary while this ice age is going on, but he needs to do his business outside, and not on my new carpet!

On a related note, there's a guy who lives on the same street as me who has a whippet. When the winter weather hit in early December, I saw him walking the dog. It was wearing a little down jacket (complete with "arms" that covered its front legs), a hat that strapped under its chin and little booties on its feet. It looked unbelievably ridiculous, I had to work so hard not to laugh when I saw it. I'm not sure Quebec is the best place for a skinny, thin-furred dog like that, but good on the owner for doing his best to make sure his pet is warm in the winter!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Nora on December 27, 2010, 02:18:31 PM
As I mentioned in a different thread it is 12 degrees Fahrenheit and windy here at the moment (I'll never be warm again). What I should not laugh at is my dachshund Kenneth in his little green sweater trying very hard to balance on two legs (left front and right back paw) in the snow, and then quickly switching when it get's too cold on the currently weight-bearing paws. Even better if he is looking at me with his desperate "ZOMG I'm DYING!!!"-face! I do feel sorry for him, but it just cracks me up!

I swear I don't keep him out longer than absolutely necessary while this ice age is going on, but he needs to do his business outside, and not on my new carpet!

On a related note, there's a guy who lives on the same street as me who has a whippet. When the winter weather hit in early December, I saw him walking the dog. It was wearing a little down jacket (complete with "arms" that covered its front legs), a hat that strapped under its chin and little booties on its feet. It looked unbelievably ridiculous, I had to work so hard not to laugh when I saw it. I'm not sure Quebec is the best place for a skinny, thin-furred dog like that, but good on the owner for doing his best to make sure his pet is warm in the winter!

Trust me, it's embarrassing to walk a dog that wears a sweater. Can't let the poor thing get frostbite, though, so I try to pretend we look good. One huge dog, one tiny dog with a sweater, and one extremely cold owner in Wooga-boots and wool everything. I draw the line at hats for Kenneth, I do have to live here.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Black Delphinium on December 27, 2010, 03:07:19 PM
Reminds me of yesterday's Red and Rover-
(http://www.arcamax.com/newspics/14/1462/146207.jpg)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: PeasNCues on December 27, 2010, 07:02:39 PM
The expression, "It was so good, it made you wanna slap yo momma!"

Heard that on an episode of Speeders and couldn't stop saying it. My mother was not amused, but it was something about how I don't really understand how something being good makes you want to slap your mother and the way it's said makes it impossible not to repeat once you've heard it.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Samantha on December 27, 2010, 07:03:44 PM
The expression, "It was so good, it made you wanna slap yo momma!"

Heard that on an episode of Speeders and couldn't stop saying it. My mother was not amused, but it was something about how I don't really understand how something being good makes you want to slap your mother and the way it's said makes it impossible not to repeat once you've heard it.

GAH! At least now I know where it comes from! Wally keeps using that phrase... Usually about how his cooking is so good, it'll make me want to slap my mother. Erm, no.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: PeasNCues on December 27, 2010, 07:07:52 PM
The expression, "It was so good, it made you wanna slap yo momma!"

Heard that on an episode of Speeders and couldn't stop saying it. My mother was not amused, but it was something about how I don't really understand how something being good makes you want to slap your mother and the way it's said makes it impossible not to repeat once you've heard it.

GAH! At least now I know where it comes from! Wally keeps using that phrase... Usually about how his cooking is so good, it'll make me want to slap my mother. Erm, no.
Someone told me it's a deep south expression... I just no idea what it MEANS. I mean, I think  I have been using it correctly, I just don't understand how one thing means the other
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: HeebyJeebyLeebee on December 27, 2010, 09:26:47 PM
While I don't think that Texas on a whole counts as deep South, the Gulf Coast area nearest Louisiana is as close as we get here.  I have never heard that phrase until recently - and my Daddy made sure that I was raised to be as much of a South'un Belle as he could manage without me being a debutante.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Information_queen on December 28, 2010, 09:49:54 PM
As I mentioned in a different thread it is 12 degrees Fahrenheit and windy here at the moment (I'll never be warm again). What I should not laugh at is my dachshund Kenneth in his little green sweater trying very hard to balance on two legs (left front and right back paw) in the snow, and then quickly switching when it get's too cold on the currently weight-bearing paws. Even better if he is looking at me with his desperate "ZOMG I'm DYING!!!"-face! I do feel sorry for him, but it just cracks me up!

I swear I don't keep him out longer than absolutely necessary while this ice age is going on, but he needs to do his business outside, and not on my new carpet!

On a related note, there's a guy who lives on the same street as me who has a whippet. When the winter weather hit in early December, I saw him walking the dog. It was wearing a little down jacket (complete with "arms" that covered its front legs), a hat that strapped under its chin and little booties on its feet. It looked unbelievably ridiculous, I had to work so hard not to laugh when I saw it. I'm not sure Quebec is the best place for a skinny, thin-furred dog like that, but good on the owner for doing his best to make sure his pet is warm in the winter!

My dog wears two sweaters and it's only 30F here. Might be because I keep the thermostat down, though. His preferred spot is somewhere under a blanket with a human keeping him warm. But to be fair, he's 13lbs and has incredibly short hair. You can see pink skin on his belly and actually feel it, too. But he shivers constantly and his ears and paws and the tip of his tail are cold to the touch. The other night I had to rig up a lamp by the recliner so I could see to crochet (bad lighting in there), just so I could curl up in a blanket and keep him warm.

The other night, he jumped in my lap and squeezed in next to me in my chair with his head tucked behind my back. Then he migrated around so he was all the way behind me! It was fine until my back started hurting because I was trying not to put any weight on him :P My computer chair is not the best place for him to stay warm. ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kitty-cat on December 28, 2010, 10:10:51 PM
As I mentioned in a different thread it is 12 degrees Fahrenheit and windy here at the moment (I'll never be warm again). What I should not laugh at is my dachshund Kenneth in his little green sweater trying very hard to balance on two legs (left front and right back paw) in the snow, and then quickly switching when it get's too cold on the currently weight-bearing paws. Even better if he is looking at me with his desperate "ZOMG I'm DYING!!!"-face! I do feel sorry for him, but it just cracks me up!

I swear I don't keep him out longer than absolutely necessary while this ice age is going on, but he needs to do his business outside, and not on my new carpet!

On a related note, there's a guy who lives on the same street as me who has a whippet. When the winter weather hit in early December, I saw him walking the dog. It was wearing a little down jacket (complete with "arms" that covered its front legs), a hat that strapped under its chin and little booties on its feet. It looked unbelievably ridiculous, I had to work so hard not to laugh when I saw it. I'm not sure Quebec is the best place for a skinny, thin-furred dog like that, but good on the owner for doing his best to make sure his pet is warm in the winter!

My dog wears two sweaters and it's only 30F here. Might be because I keep the thermostat down, though. His preferred spot is somewhere under a blanket with a human keeping him warm. But to be fair, he's 13lbs and has incredibly short hair. You can see pink skin on his belly and actually feel it, too. But he shivers constantly and his ears and paws and the tip of his tail are cold to the touch. The other night I had to rig up a lamp by the recliner so I could see to crochet (bad lighting in there), just so I could curl up in a blanket and keep him warm.

The other night, he jumped in my lap and squeezed in next to me in my chair with his head tucked behind my back. Then he migrated around so he was all the way behind me! It was fine until my back started hurting because I was trying not to put any weight on him :P My computer chair is not the best place for him to stay warm. ;D

We have a basket of clothes for our dogs. Granted, most of them are for the 5 pound chihuahua. Chanel hates wearing clothes, but it's supposed to be 26 in the morning... She's not even 8 inches off the ground...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sirius on December 29, 2010, 05:22:45 PM
My Mom has a large orange tom cat by the name of Han Solo. He lives in her garage, since he hates all other cats, and seems to quite like it in there.

We had freezing rain yesterday, and there was about an inch of ice covering everything. Mom went into the garage and got the back of rock salt out and was salting the porch steps. Han Solo heard what sounded to him like someone shaking a bag of cat food, got excited, and went running out of the garage as fast as he could..straight onto the layer of extremely slick ice.

Mom said that Han Solo's legs went out from under him and he landed on his side, spun, and slid a good 4 feet on his side down the driveway, where he proceeded to fall right off the edge of it into one of her flower beds. She said he lay there for a few seconds, looking dazed, then got up, shook himself, and walked very carefully back into the garage.

Years ago I was at a dog show, and after I'd shown my sheltie I was watching the other dogs.  One of them, a large beagle named Barney, did everything at top speed.  This dog show was indoors on slick concrete floors, so when Barney was put on a sit/stay across the ring and his handler called him, he took off at top speed, then tried to stop and sit in front of his handler the way he'd been trained.  However, his speed was such that he slammed on the brakes and skidded...past his handler, past the judge, out of the ring, across the walkway, and into the ring on the other side of the room.  He then collected himself, trotted back, and sat in front of his handler, who was laughing so hard he could barely stand.  Everyone else was laughing - the judge, the ring stewards, and the crowd.  Of course, Barney had to be disqualified for leaving the ring, but it was hilarious all the same.  At least his handler thought so.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: VorFemme on December 29, 2010, 07:05:23 PM
The expression, "It was so good, it made you wanna slap yo momma!"

Heard that on an episode of Speeders and couldn't stop saying it. My mother was not amused, but it was something about how I don't really understand how something being good makes you want to slap your mother and the way it's said makes it impossible not to repeat once you've heard it.

GAH! At least now I know where it comes from! Wally keeps using that phrase... Usually about how his cooking is so good, it'll make me want to slap my mother. Erm, no.
Someone told me it's a deep south expression... I just no idea what it MEANS. I mean, I think  I have been using it correctly, I just don't understand how one thing means the other

I *think* that the idea is that it your momma gets between you and second servings - you'd slap her out of the way to get the last serving!

Depending on who cooked it - you might want to avoid slapping the cook out of the way - or there wouldn't be any incentive for Momma to make it again another time!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Lady Snowdon on December 30, 2010, 12:12:54 PM
This is from Christmas with my family.

My mom and I were discussing my dad's condition, and the doctors he goes to, and so forth.  My dad jumps in with "What do they say I have?"  I didn't know what his specific diagnosis was, so I didn't say anything.  My dad continues with "I can't remember what my diagnosis is!  What is it?  It's...it's...I can't remember!" 

At the very end of our conversation, my dad finally remembers.  "I got it!  My diagnosis is dementia!".

I almost lost it.  The only thing that kept me from falling off the stool laughing was the knowledge that I probably shouldn't laugh in my dad's face about his diagnosis.  So I went to the bathroom and tried to laugh as quietly as I could.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on December 30, 2010, 01:36:58 PM
That is hilarious. I'm pretty sure if it were my dad, my family would have just gone ahead and laughed at him! :D My poor dad ends up being the butt of a lot of jokes.

Funny story from Christmas:

A few months ago, my parents bought a new big-screen TV. My dad also bought a Blu-ray player to go with it. However, we don't own any Blu-rays. For months, my dad was talking about Blu-rays, thinking about Blu-rays, looking at Blu-rays on Amazon, and saying "We have yet to see a Blu-ray!" The problem was that my mom bought him some Blu-rays for Christmas, so every time he wanted to rent something on Blu-ray, or buy a Blu-ray, my mom had to convince him otherwise. (This happens almost every year, because he deliberates for ages before buying anything and my mom often goes ahead and buys it for him because she knows he really wants it. One year he actually bought himself a dress watch - a cheaper one than the one he really loved - and my mom had to convince him to send it back, because she had bought him the one he loved for Christmas!) Finally, it was Christmas and my dad got his long-awaited Blu-rays. It was funny enough that he'd been duped so many times leading up to Christmas, but now everyone is walking around saying "We have yet to see a ___!"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: PeasNCues on December 30, 2010, 01:38:41 PM
Towards the end of their lives, my grandparents would argue about who was "more ready" to die. It was bizarre, disturbing, funny and reassuring at the same time.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Nora on December 30, 2010, 01:47:08 PM
This is from Christmas with my family.

My mom and I were discussing my dad's condition, and the doctors he goes to, and so forth.  My dad jumps in with "What do they say I have?"  I didn't know what his specific diagnosis was, so I didn't say anything.  My dad continues with "I can't remember what my diagnosis is!  What is it?  It's...it's...I can't remember!" 

At the very end of our conversation, my dad finally remembers.  "I got it!  My diagnosis is dementia!".

I almost lost it.  The only thing that kept me from falling off the stool laughing was the knowledge that I probably shouldn't laugh in my dad's face about his diagnosis.  So I went to the bathroom and tried to laugh as quietly as I could.

I write out a lot of neuropsychological reports, and hope to be a neuropsychologist at one point. All of the cases are at least a little sad, some are horribly sad. Laughing about certain aspects is the thing that get's you through. I learned that from patients laughing at themselves.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: tnpenguinbaby on December 30, 2010, 01:59:07 PM
I remember a long time ago watching a very neat comedy program consisting of basically very talented amateurs.  One comedian was a man of about 70 or so, who said all his life he'd wanted to be a stand up comedian.  And he was awesome!  Most of his routine was about growing older ("We drive with our turn signals on because that way you young folks will honk and it helps keep us awake").  The one I found the most hysterical was him talking about having "Big Al" (Alzheimer's).  He pointed out some of the benefits:  you only need to buy one book, you meet so many new people everyday, and (my personal favorite) you get to hide your own Easter eggs.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on December 30, 2010, 02:22:54 PM
I remember a long time ago watching a very neat comedy program consisting of basically very talented amateurs.  One comedian was a man of about 70 or so, who said all his life he'd wanted to be a stand up comedian.  And he was awesome!  Most of his routine was about growing older ("We drive with our turn signals on because that way you young folks will honk and it helps keep us awake").  The one I found the most hysterical was him talking about having "Big Al" (Alzheimer's).  He pointed out some of the benefits:  you only need to buy one book, you meet so many new people everyday, and (my personal favorite) you get to hide your own Easter eggs.

LOVE this!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: blue2000 on December 30, 2010, 02:41:44 PM
I remember a long time ago watching a very neat comedy program consisting of basically very talented amateurs.  One comedian was a man of about 70 or so, who said all his life he'd wanted to be a stand up comedian.  And he was awesome!  Most of his routine was about growing older ("We drive with our turn signals on because that way you young folks will honk and it helps keep us awake").  The one I found the most hysterical was him talking about having "Big Al" (Alzheimer's).  He pointed out some of the benefits:  you only need to buy one book, you meet so many new people everyday, and (my personal favorite) you get to hide your own Easter eggs.

LOL!

That's what I usually say about having a terrible memory - I get to read my favourite books over and over again and still be surprised at the end! ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: baglady on December 30, 2010, 03:48:03 PM
I was with a group of colleagues,  and we were having a night out. "Simon" and I were the last ones to walk into the bar, but the bouncer wouldn't let "Simon" in because he thought that he was drunk.

Now "Simon" had had a couple of beers, but he wasn't drunk, by any stretch of the imagination. What I had forgotten (because I see him all the time) is thta he walks with a limp and looks as though he is staggering. The bouncer only let him in after giving me a lecture about making sure that I kept an eye on my inibriated friend. It took me a couple of minutes to work out why the bouncer thought "Simon" was drunk, but I didn't say anything (not my place- "Simon" could have said something if he wanted to)

When we got inside we laughed ourselves silly.

Reminds me of the comedian-actress Geri Jewell, who has CP. She's fond of saying, "I'm not drunk; I have cerebral palsy. When I'm drunk, I walk perfectly straight!"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sirius on December 31, 2010, 01:35:30 AM
I just remembered this story from years ago.

I used to have a semi-Ragdoll male cat named RobesPierre.  He looked like a large fluffy Siamese, and had a very mellow, laid-back personality.  One day he got a urinary tract blockage, so I took him to the vet, where he stayed for a few days.  When I brought him home his back half hadn't completely recovered from the anesthesia yet.

I watched Robesie walk very carefully down the hall.  He'd take a few steps...and his back half would fall over.  He sat there for a few moments collecting himself, then got his back half up where it belonged, took a few more steps...and his back half collapsed in the other direction.  I was laughing so hard I could barely stand, and Robesie kept giving me looks.  He finally made it down the hallway, where he visited the litter then hopped onto my bed. 

He got a little of his own back.  A month or so later I was sitting in one of those metal chairs with two front legs that meet in the middle in a U-shape, typing away on my word processor.  I suddenly realized that the keyboard was getting further and further away, as the legs bent and dumped me onto the living room floor.  I was laying there on the carpet, laughing, when I looked up to see Robesie's face.  He wore a puzzled expression, as though he was wondering, "Why are you laying on the living room floor laughing?"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 31, 2010, 02:15:56 AM
The expression, "It was so good, it made you wanna slap yo momma!"

Heard that on an episode of Speeders and couldn't stop saying it. My mother was not amused, but it was something about how I don't really understand how something being good makes you want to slap your mother and the way it's said makes it impossible not to repeat once you've heard it.

GAH! At least now I know where it comes from! Wally keeps using that phrase... Usually about how his cooking is so good, it'll make me want to slap my mother. Erm, no.
Someone told me it's a deep south expression... I just no idea what it MEANS. I mean, I think  I have been using it correctly, I just don't understand how one thing means the other

We've got this around here:

(http://www.onlyhotsauce.com/img/p/2069-2504.jpg)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 31, 2010, 02:20:23 AM
My parents' dog, Dante, once managed to find a place where someone had dropped a glass and broken it.  He chewed on some of the glass shards, and managed to get a tiny shard of glass impaled through a major blood vessel in his tongue.  He bled everywhere, mom took him to the vet, and the vet had to anesthetize him and stitch him up.

So when they got home, Dante had some sort of numbing agent in his mouth.  His tongue was sticking out the side of his mouth and he couldn't do anything about it.  I'm sure it was driving him nuts, because he kept tossing his head like a horse tosses its mane, but he couldn't get his tongue to move.  I felt really bad for laughing about it, but he looked like a demented hyena and he just had to wait for the numbing shot to wear off.

Luckily Dante never had much dignity to begin with, so he got over it quickly  :P
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Penguinity on December 31, 2010, 01:23:46 PM
My sister and I were going into a very solemn shrine.  Unfortunately, one of the statues was a dead ringer for a Doctor Who villain: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weeping_Angel.

I think we both noticed at the same time, because while I'm staring at the thing, I hear my sister going "Don't blink. Blink and you're dead." I was trying so hard not to laugh.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: faithlessone on December 31, 2010, 01:35:17 PM
My sister and I were going into a very solemn shrine.  Unfortunately, one of the statues was a dead ringer for a Doctor Who villain: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weeping_Angel.

I think we both noticed at the same time, because while I'm staring at the thing, I hear my sister going "Don't blink. Blink and you're dead." I was trying so hard not to laugh.

I wouldn't be laughing! I would be terrified of that...

*hangs head in shame*
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on January 02, 2011, 09:17:58 PM
Older son was 3 or so, and his sister would have been 7ish.

DD came up to me and her father, hysterical. She told us Michael had swallowed a nickle. Father starts panicking, I start laughing, and not just a little, hysterically laughing. DD and DS just did not know what to do, if I remember correctly, DD was telling me it wasn't funny, and so was their father.

We call the ped, and get DS in right away. DS gets and xray, and yes, I am still laughing, but now I have support from the ped. He was telling us that happens all the time.

He says, it will most likely pass, and if I wanted to I can check his poop for the nickle. I said I am NOT looking through his poop for a nickle. DS's second xray showed the nickle still there, but the 3rd showed the nickle gone.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Shea on January 03, 2011, 08:18:16 PM
My sister and I were going into a very solemn shrine.  Unfortunately, one of the statues was a dead ringer for a Doctor Who villain: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weeping_Angel.

I think we both noticed at the same time, because while I'm staring at the thing, I hear my sister going "Don't blink. Blink and you're dead." I was trying so hard not to laugh.

I wouldn't be laughing! I would be terrified of that...

*hangs head in shame*

I think I would have been laughing while simultaneously backing away and keeping my eyes as widely open as possible.

'Cause you don't know. It could a real Weeping Angel, and I don't want to take that chance ;).
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Horace on January 04, 2011, 04:54:01 AM
My sister and I were going into a very solemn shrine.  Unfortunately, one of the statues was a dead ringer for a Doctor Who villain: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weeping_Angel.

I think we both noticed at the same time, because while I'm staring at the thing, I hear my sister going "Don't blink. Blink and you're dead." I was trying so hard not to laugh.

We made a bunch of biscuits in the shapes of angels and after commenting on how similar they looked to the Weeping Angels I put them in a tin.  For the next 4 or 5 days they kept moving around to different tins and no-one owned up to doing it - I was creeped out everytime I opened a tin and they'd moved there! I haven't made any since! /tangent
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: mandycorn on January 06, 2011, 03:55:51 PM
The post I just read in the gross out thread about a man who had his head bitten off by the liger he was working with... I read it three times waiting for the punchline, but it turns out it was a true story, and now when I think about it, I chuckle, even though it's still very sad!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfqueen13 on January 07, 2011, 08:18:10 AM
My sister and I were going into a very solemn shrine.  Unfortunately, one of the statues was a dead ringer for a Doctor Who villain: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weeping_Angel.

I think we both noticed at the same time, because while I'm staring at the thing, I hear my sister going "Don't blink. Blink and you're dead." I was trying so hard not to laugh.

We made a bunch of biscuits in the shapes of angels and after commenting on how similar they looked to the Weeping Angels I put them in a tin.  For the next 4 or 5 days they kept moving around to different tins and no-one owned up to doing it - I was creeped out everytime I opened a tin and they'd moved there! I haven't made any since! /tangent

To continue the tangent...I saw the Sally Sparrow episode last night for the first time.  I was fine until the end where they showed clips of all the different statues.  I asked my husband if we could please avoid having statues in our garden, at least of angels.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Spoder on January 07, 2011, 08:30:40 AM
The post I just read in the gross out thread about a man who had his head bitten off by the liger he was working with... I read it three times waiting for the punchline, but it turns out it was a true story, and now when I think about it, I chuckle, even though it's still very sad!

Oh, I don't feel like such a weirdo now!  ;D! I read this in the gross-out thread, too, and all I could think of was Napoleon Dynamite. I keep cackling like a madwoman every time I think of it, even though a man died.  :-\
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Shea on January 07, 2011, 09:30:08 AM
My sister and I were going into a very solemn shrine.  Unfortunately, one of the statues was a dead ringer for a Doctor Who villain: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weeping_Angel.

I think we both noticed at the same time, because while I'm staring at the thing, I hear my sister going "Don't blink. Blink and you're dead." I was trying so hard not to laugh.

We made a bunch of biscuits in the shapes of angels and after commenting on how similar they looked to the Weeping Angels I put them in a tin.  For the next 4 or 5 days they kept moving around to different tins and no-one owned up to doing it - I was creeped out everytime I opened a tin and they'd moved there! I haven't made any since! /tangent

To continue the tangent...I saw the Sally Sparrow episode last night for the first time.  I was fine until the end where they showed clips of all the different statues.  I asked my husband if we could please avoid having statues in our garden, at least of angels.

Yeah, I pass this ginormous statue of Queen Victoria every day. As a result of that montage, I find myself keeping half an eye on it as I walk past.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Black Delphinium on January 07, 2011, 10:01:39 AM
I must be the only one then that keeps begging Simkin if I can have a Weeping Angel to put in a nice dim corner of whatever new place we get!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on January 07, 2011, 11:10:52 AM
I must be the only one then that keeps begging Simkin if I can have a Weeping Angel to put in a nice dim corner of whatever new place we get!
Nope.

I want some too.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kitty-cat on January 07, 2011, 02:56:51 PM
My sister and I were going into a very solemn shrine.  Unfortunately, one of the statues was a dead ringer for a Doctor Who villain: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weeping_Angel.

I think we both noticed at the same time, because while I'm staring at the thing, I hear my sister going "Don't blink. Blink and you're dead." I was trying so hard not to laugh.

We made a bunch of biscuits in the shapes of angels and after commenting on how similar they looked to the Weeping Angels I put them in a tin.  For the next 4 or 5 days they kept moving around to different tins and no-one owned up to doing it - I was creeped out everytime I opened a tin and they'd moved there! I haven't made any since! /tangent

To continue the tangent...I saw the Sally Sparrow episode last night for the first time.  I was fine until the end where they showed clips of all the different statues.  I asked my husband if we could please avoid having statues in our garden, at least of angels.

Yeah, I pass this ginormous statue of Queen Victoria every day. As a result of that montage, I find myself keeping half an eye on it as I walk past.

I was in High School the first time I saw the Vashta Narada episode. And it was my turn to take out the trash that night. To our trash can in the back yard. At night.  I never ran so fast between door and trashcan in my life. The dark still kinda creeps me out TBH...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Penguinity on January 07, 2011, 06:46:08 PM
My sister and I were going into a very solemn shrine.  Unfortunately, one of the statues was a dead ringer for a Doctor Who villain: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weeping_Angel.

I think we both noticed at the same time, because while I'm staring at the thing, I hear my sister going "Don't blink. Blink and you're dead." I was trying so hard not to laugh.

We made a bunch of biscuits in the shapes of angels and after commenting on how similar they looked to the Weeping Angels I put them in a tin.  For the next 4 or 5 days they kept moving around to different tins and no-one owned up to doing it - I was creeped out everytime I opened a tin and they'd moved there! I haven't made any since! /tangent

To continue the tangent...I saw the Sally Sparrow episode last night for the first time.  I was fine until the end where they showed clips of all the different statues.  I asked my husband if we could please avoid having statues in our garden, at least of angels.

Yeah, I pass this ginormous statue of Queen Victoria every day. As a result of that montage, I find myself keeping half an eye on it as I walk past.

Is it too bizarre that I laugh at weeping angels, but Queen Victoria has made me nervous since my Great Mouse Detective days?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: DangerMouth on January 08, 2011, 12:46:51 PM
I must be the only one then that keeps begging Simkin if I can have a Weeping Angel to put in a nice dim corner of whatever new place we get!

We kept a 5.5' high marriontte in the corner of our office for a few years. Even after that long, it could still make me jump when I just caught it out of the corner of my eye.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Shea on January 08, 2011, 05:26:34 PM
While we're on the subject of Doctor Who-related things you shouldn't laugh at...

My dad does a particular kind of highly specialized metal work in his free time. In the extremely small community of people who appreciate such things, he's considered one of the best. When I was home for Christmas, he told me about a particular piece he'd just sold and the great feedback he'd received. I expressed my admiration for his skill, to which he replied in a dramatic voice (he's a bit uncomfortable with praise and tries to deflect compliments with humor), "I AM...THE MASTER."

He didn't understand why I was laughing so hard.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: wendelenn on January 08, 2011, 09:09:05 PM
Older son was 3 or so, and his sister would have been 7ish.

DD came up to me and her father, hysterical. She told us Michael had swallowed a nickle. Father starts panicking, I start laughing, and not just a little, hysterically laughing. DD and DS just did not know what to do, if I remember correctly, DD was telling me it wasn't funny, and so was their father.

We call the ped, and get DS in right away. DS gets and xray, and yes, I am still laughing, but now I have support from the ped. He was telling us that happens all the time.

He says, it will most likely pass, and if I wanted to I can check his poop for the nickle. I said I am NOT looking through his poop for a nickle. DS's second xray showed the nickle still there, but the 3rd showed the nickle gone.

Anyone old enough to remember this?
"My name is Michael, I've got a nickel, I've got a nickel shiny and new. . . "  :)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfmama on January 08, 2011, 09:15:23 PM
When my brother and I were small Mom would frequently trade baby-sitting with her neighbor, who also had small children.  One time Mom came home from shopping to see the neighbor holding my little brother upside down by the ankles, shaking him frantically.  Before she could ask what was going on, a dime popped out of his mouth and he started to cry.

Mom said "Paula, I would have given you another dime."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: blue2000 on January 09, 2011, 07:39:32 AM
Older son was 3 or so, and his sister would have been 7ish.

DD came up to me and her father, hysterical. She told us Michael had swallowed a nickle. Father starts panicking, I start laughing, and not just a little, hysterically laughing. DD and DS just did not know what to do, if I remember correctly, DD was telling me it wasn't funny, and so was their father.

We call the ped, and get DS in right away. DS gets and xray, and yes, I am still laughing, but now I have support from the ped. He was telling us that happens all the time.

He says, it will most likely pass, and if I wanted to I can check his poop for the nickle. I said I am NOT looking through his poop for a nickle. DS's second xray showed the nickle still there, but the 3rd showed the nickle gone.

Anyone old enough to remember this?
"My name is Michael, I've got a nickel, I've got a nickel shiny and new. . . "  :)

"I'm gonna buy me, all kinds of candy, that's what I'm gonna do."

It's been a while since I heard that one! I had to google it... :P
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kherbert05 on January 09, 2011, 09:41:50 AM
On the subject of peppers.

One night at a Tex-Mex place Cousin C and I tried to give sis a chip we had put in the hot sauce before we put it in the queso. My Mom, she who sees and knows all, caught us. We had to eat 1 chip dipped in hot sauce for every year we were older than Sis (4 me 5 Cousin).


A little while after Dad passed sis and I were able to send Mom to visit her family on PEI. At her brothers' requests she brought up a couple of large jars of jalapenos, which are hard and expensive to get on the island. Mom got in late, and Nanna had already gone to bed. Mom put the jalapenos in the frig and went to bed. She woke up to Nanna cursing, something she had never heard before. Nanna thought the jalapenos were some type of Texas Pickle and had tried one. Mom got her some milk and bread.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: 3angels on January 16, 2011, 02:50:42 PM
A couple of weeks ago we had hamburgers for dinner from a new restaurant that gives you a choice between regular buns or jalapeno sourdough bread. I was in a hurry and just ordered 5 specials not realizing that the special was the jalapeno sourdough bread with jalapeno poppers in the burger. For those that don't know, a jalapeno popper is a jalapeno stuffed with cream cheese, batter-dipped and fried. DH is the only one of us who eats jalapenos and so the rest of us just threw the poppers in the trash. The next morning, I had just stepped out of the shower when our mini dachshund comes running in the bathroom licking his mouth, rubbing his mouth with his paws, and just generally rubbing his face on everything. I picked him up to see if he had anything stuck in his throat and get an overwhelming smell of jalapeno. The little booger had dumped the kitchen trash over while I was in the shower to get at the leftovers and got a mouth full of jalapenos. I couldn't help but laugh cause there was nothing I could do to help relieve the burn and frankly I was hoping it would teach him to stay out of the trash - it hasn't yet.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: snowfire on January 21, 2011, 12:44:48 AM
I got lunch at a local fast food place today.  It has hollow plastic benches on a wooden base in the booths.  There were several teens at the booth across from me.  I just about had Coke come out my nose when one of the teens accidentally discovered that if you are sitting on one of these benches and you *toot* it reverberates quite astonishingly!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: JonGirl on January 21, 2011, 01:42:21 AM
Someone on facebook created a drinking game to go with the television coverage of the Queensland floods. I shouldn't laugh, but it makes such a good point of the repetitiveness of all the coverage. If you played it for real (not recommended) you'd be trashed in 5 minutes.

I was also watching some footage of the floods on one of the news sites and there was a pop up ad: 100% Pure Escape...discount airfares to New Zealand. It just struck me as so wrong, I started giggling.

LOL!!   ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Gyburc on January 21, 2011, 08:22:35 AM
DH and I were recently introduced to the motherlode of things that you Should Not Laugh At - Stephen Lynch. Very good guitarist, beautiful voice, and the sickest sense of humour I've ever come across.

Quite a few of his numbers are on YouTube, but really, really, don't go there if you are easily offended. (Especially not to The Gerbil Song.)

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on January 21, 2011, 02:12:26 PM
DH and I were recently introduced to the motherlode of things that you Should Not Laugh At - Stephen Lynch. Very good guitarist, beautiful voice, and the sickest sense of humour I've ever come across.

Quite a few of his numbers are on YouTube, but really, really, don't go there if you are easily offended. (Especially not to The Gerbil Song.)


Would he be similiar to Tom Leher? http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Tom-Lehrer-lyrics/00AAF31EC6C79B4548256A7D0028A9E0
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: blue2000 on January 21, 2011, 04:33:15 PM
Went to a funeral today. The gentleman died of a very rapid form of cancer. His SO said that at the end, when she was sitting with him, she said "Honey, I really didn't think you would go first. I thought you would give me a heart attack."

He replied "Don't worry. There's still time."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Bellantara on January 21, 2011, 04:45:42 PM
Went to a funeral today. The gentleman died of a very rapid form of cancer. His SO said that at the end, when she was sitting with him, she said "Honey, I really didn't think you would go first. I thought you would give me a heart attack."

He replied "Don't worry. There's still time."

That's so wrong.  I love it madly.  >:D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on January 21, 2011, 06:55:48 PM
My aunt once told me a story way long ago about my cousin when he was a toddler. She realized she needed to control her language around him when one day out of the blue he started slapping the tray of his high chair while repeatedly shouting out the 'GD' word. Every time I think of what that must have sounded like, I'm not horrified by this little kid screaming out cussing like that. I'm sorry to say, I find myself giggling....
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on January 22, 2011, 01:38:30 PM
The gentleman who organizes the sports league I play in passed away suddenly earlier this week. My boyfriend, who's on my team, was getting some stuff ready for the event. The guy he works with asked him who he was playing this week, so BF looked at the sheet...and it turns out we were supposed to play the man who died. The other guy said "I guess that's not happening, then..." The man's death was tragic, of course, but for some reason we couldn't stop giggling!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: blue2000 on January 22, 2011, 01:59:50 PM
The gentleman who organizes the sports league I play in passed away suddenly earlier this week. My boyfriend, who's on my team, was getting some stuff ready for the event. The guy he works with asked him who he was playing this week, so BF looked at the sheet...and it turns out we were supposed to play the man who died. The other guy said "I guess that's not happening, then..." The man's death was tragic, of course, but for some reason we couldn't stop giggling!

No problem. He just has to start an inter-dimensional league now!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hushabye on January 22, 2011, 02:29:01 PM
DH and I were recently introduced to the motherlode of things that you Should Not Laugh At - Stephen Lynch. Very good guitarist, beautiful voice, and the sickest sense of humour I've ever come across.

Quite a few of his numbers are on YouTube, but really, really, don't go there if you are easily offended. (Especially not to The Gerbil Song.)


Oh my gosh, I LOVE Stephen Lynch!  He's so wrong but so funny.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Shea on January 22, 2011, 03:04:07 PM
Went to a funeral today. The gentleman died of a very rapid form of cancer. His SO said that at the end, when she was sitting with him, she said "Honey, I really didn't think you would go first. I thought you would give me a heart attack."

He replied "Don't worry. There's still time."

I only hope I can be that amazing when it's my time to go.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Seraphia on January 22, 2011, 04:55:38 PM
My aunt once told me a story way long ago about my cousin when he was a toddler. She realized she needed to control her language around him when one day out of the blue he started slapping the tray of his high chair while repeatedly shouting out the 'GD' word. Every time I think of what that must have sounded like, I'm not horrified by this little kid screaming out cussing like that. I'm sorry to say, I find myself giggling....

My niece did that! We were all sitting around the table, just chilling out, when niece started singing to herself under her breath. One word, over and over and over. The S dash dash dash word. Over and over. We didn't want to make a fuss, since that would've just made her fixate on it more, but oh, we laughed afterwards. She has her Daddy's mouth and her Momma's language. :)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: mechtilde on January 26, 2011, 04:36:52 AM
We had some grab hands in the shop at work. You know- a sort of platic hand, and when you pull the handle is pulled the fingers close?

A little girl told me one wasn't working. The sting connecting to one of the fingers wasn't properly attached, so every time you pulled the lever it made an obscene gesture. I thanked her for telling me, took it into the stockroom, put it in the wasted/damaged stock box and laughed like a drain, before composing myself and going out again.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Gyburc on January 26, 2011, 05:54:41 AM
DH and I were recently introduced to the motherlode of things that you Should Not Laugh At - Stephen Lynch. Very good guitarist, beautiful voice, and the sickest sense of humour I've ever come across.

Quite a few of his numbers are on YouTube, but really, really, don't go there if you are easily offended. (Especially not to The Gerbil Song.)


Would he be similiar to Tom Leher? http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Tom-Lehrer-lyrics/00AAF31EC6C79B4548256A7D0028A9E0

Great - another Lehrer fan! My mum was a big fan, and I know quite a few of the songs by heart.

Stephen Lynch is definitely as funny IMHO but lots more obscenities, and some really, really sick jokes on all kinds of very sensitive topics.



Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: NutMeg on January 26, 2011, 04:44:21 PM
We had some grab hands in the shop at work. You know- a sort of platic hand, and when you pull the handle is pulled the fingers close?

A little girl told me one wasn't working. The sting connecting to one of the fingers wasn't properly attached, so every time you pulled the lever it made an obscene gesture. I thanked her for telling me, took it into the stockroom, put it in the wasted/damaged stock box and laughed like a drain, before composing myself and going out again.

Why didn't you keep it?!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on January 28, 2011, 12:21:51 PM
We have a symposium every year at work with speakers who are experts in a particular field. One of our associates recommended a particular professor from a different University who is supposed to be an excellent speaker.

When I went to the University's website to track down his information to send him a letter of invitation, I found a memorial page. Apparently he had died earlier that year. When my boss asked if I'd sent the letter yet, I said "Uh..well..slight problem with that one..he's..well..deceased."

My boss speaks english as a second language, and what I'd said didn't quite click right away. He sort of stared at me for a few seconds and then said "Oh..you mean..he is no more?"

I was so tempted to launch into the parrot routine from Monty Python, but figured that wouldn't go over very well.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Morticia on January 28, 2011, 01:13:57 PM
We have a symposium every year at work with speakers who are experts in a particular field. One of our associates recommended a particular professor from a different University who is supposed to be an excellent speaker.

When I went to the University's website to track down his information to send him a letter of invitation, I found a memorial page. Apparently he had died earlier that year. When my boss asked if I'd sent the letter yet, I said "Uh..well..slight problem with that one..he's..well..deceased."

My boss speaks english as a second language, and what I'd said didn't quite click right away. He sort of stared at me for a few seconds and then said "Oh..you mean..he is no more?"

I was so tempted to launch into the parrot routine from Monty Python, but figured that wouldn't go over very well.

Yes, he's passed on.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on January 28, 2011, 01:32:53 PM
We have a symposium every year at work with speakers who are experts in a particular field. One of our associates recommended a particular professor from a different University who is supposed to be an excellent speaker.

When I went to the University's website to track down his information to send him a letter of invitation, I found a memorial page. Apparently he had died earlier that year. When my boss asked if I'd sent the letter yet, I said "Uh..well..slight problem with that one..he's..well..deceased."

My boss speaks english as a second language, and what I'd said didn't quite click right away. He sort of stared at me for a few seconds and then said "Oh..you mean..he is no more?"

I was so tempted to launch into the parrot routine from Monty Python, but figured that wouldn't go over very well.

Yes, he's passed on.

He has rung the curtain and joined the choir invisible.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on January 28, 2011, 01:35:12 PM
We have a symposium every year at work with speakers who are experts in a particular field. One of our associates recommended a particular professor from a different University who is supposed to be an excellent speaker.

When I went to the University's website to track down his information to send him a letter of invitation, I found a memorial page. Apparently he had died earlier that year. When my boss asked if I'd sent the letter yet, I said "Uh..well..slight problem with that one..he's..well..deceased."

My boss speaks english as a second language, and what I'd said didn't quite click right away. He sort of stared at me for a few seconds and then said "Oh..you mean..he is no more?"

I was so tempted to launch into the parrot routine from Monty Python, but figured that wouldn't go over very well.

Yes, he's passed on.

He has rung the curtain and joined the choir invisible.

He's an ex-professor.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: snowfire on January 28, 2011, 04:11:18 PM
He's on a permanent sabbatical.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Julia S on January 28, 2011, 08:18:02 PM
Gone to teach at the University in the Sky.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kitty-cat on January 28, 2011, 08:26:04 PM
Hopefully he isn't stuck grading papers underground.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on January 28, 2011, 11:23:52 PM
He was in the music department, and now he's decomposing.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Martienne on January 29, 2011, 01:47:45 AM
My aunt once told me a story way long ago about my cousin when he was a toddler. She realized she needed to control her language around him when one day out of the blue he started slapping the tray of his high chair while repeatedly shouting out the 'GD' word. Every time I think of what that must have sounded like, I'm not horrified by this little kid screaming out cussing like that. I'm sorry to say, I find myself giggling....

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/74/the-landlord-from-will-ferrell-and-adam-ghost-panther-mckay

(They explain in this article that they were able to do that because Pearl was going through a stage where she would parrot phrases and not remember them. http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20035511,00.html)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: momof2bratz on February 03, 2011, 01:07:03 PM
I always have a hard time controlling my giggles around the kiddos, knowing that I need a straight face in order to act dissaproving, but finding it oh so difficult at times! When DD was 4 and it was a pretty wet and wild day outside, I discovered that I really needed to watch my language around her more carefully. She turned to me with an innocent smile and said "wow mum, it's really p*****g down outside!". Cue me trying to keep a straight face while explaining that was not the most polite way to phrase things.

Another one, this time from the school. As a teaching assistant, I often encounter issues where you know you can't laugh, but oh so want to. A few months back we were taking the kids down to lunch. One of the boys went running to the cloakroom to hang up his coat and then decided to jump his way back to us. As he jumped across the floor his trousers suddenly fell foul of gravity, and ended up around his ankles by the time he'd made it to the line with out him being aware. Needless to say, I had to turn away for a moment to compose myself!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sirius on February 04, 2011, 02:38:25 PM
I was one of those kids who would repeat what was said in front of me.  One afternoon one of the neighbor lady's kids had pulled up a bunch of her carefully-planted flowers, and the neighbor lady came out with a lengthy curse-filled diatribe.  Four-year-old me said, "Yeah, (curse-filled diatribe)."  The neighbor told me that only grownups could talk like that, and I wasn't to do so.   
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: faithlessone on February 04, 2011, 04:27:52 PM
The neighbor told me that only grownups could talk like that, and I wasn't to do so.   

Ugh, I hated it when adults said that sort of thing to me. I could absolutely never understand why they got to swear and say bad things and ask embarrassing questions when I wasn't allowed to.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hobish on February 04, 2011, 05:39:37 PM
The neighbor told me that only grownups could talk like that, and I wasn't to do so.   

Ugh, I hated it when adults said that sort of thing to me. I could absolutely never understand why they got to swear and say bad things and ask embarrassing questions when I wasn't allowed to.

Because grownups work and pay taxes. If you don't work and pay taxes you don't get to curse like someone who does.

:)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: VorFemme on February 05, 2011, 05:39:04 PM
And I've heard that work and taxes are WHY grownups need to curse.......
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on February 05, 2011, 05:57:50 PM
Work has been a major source of bad language for me, that's for sure.

Whilst on the topic of kids swearing, I read a post on another forum a few years back from a guy talking about his nephew (N).  He said N's family owned a cat and one day N - who was about 3/4 yrs old - was out in the garden calling the cat, and said, "Charlie... Charlie... Charlie, where are you, you m*****f*****?"  I couldn't stop laughing because it just sounded so sweet and innocent, but was such a naughty phrase!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Nora on February 05, 2011, 07:56:55 PM
My kid is why I need to curse. I manage at work, even though doctors use the wrong file types, which causes me to redo all the protocols. I manage at school, even though class may get resceduled untill 30 minutes before class, just because Fancy Professors Time is way more valuable than My Time.

I started cursing when the kid managed to feed the dog the one thing that animal is allergic to, after climbing up several stages, and opening a severely uninteresting box.

I used bad words when the kid turned the knobs on my washer, resulting in all my new sweaters beeing boiled, and coming out 1/3 their original size.

I invented horrible euphemisms when my kid combined his love for sharpies, with his love for "books mommy finds pleasure in reading".

I never used this many bad words, but now I have a son!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on February 05, 2011, 08:07:59 PM
...a severely uninteresting box.

I like this description! ;D It made me laugh...does that count for this thread?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: snowfire on February 06, 2011, 08:40:04 PM
When you and your DH are having a nice romantic time together....and one of the cats licks his EXTREMELY ticklish toes.  DH then levitates and whacks his head on the headboard and I am biting my cheeks to keep from laughing my *** off.  I knew the cat had jumped up on the bed but it didn't bother me because my toes are not ticklish!!!   

Next time, cats evicted from bedroom first!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kherbert05 on February 06, 2011, 09:49:05 PM
Loren wasn't present when Sis told me about her being sent to he princpal's office, so I could laugh.

Seems Loren taught the girls at her preschool the song All Summer Long by Kid Rock (the album version not the radio version) and an accompanying dance that some of the teenagers at the dance studio had been working on.

So now they have a list of songs we listen to /sing at home that we DO NOT sing at school and we DO NOT teach kids at school dances you learn from the teenagers. This goes for both Loren and Brett. With their older sister being part of company, and their grandmother owning the studio they, their cousins, and the other owner's granddaughter are kind of pets/mascots for company.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: VorFemme on February 07, 2011, 05:26:35 PM
I know about work and taxes being the reason for bad language - I was a preacher's kid growing up - but my first job after GRADUATING college was active duty military (I worked retail sales and food service from my senior year of high school & during college until time to go to report to tech school).

As section commander, the very first Article 15 that I read was for "insubordination" (bad language to supervisor) and "AWOL" (away with out leave - meaning "permission").  The guy had a lousy vocabulary - same cuss word seven or eight times in the three or four sentences...........

((sigh))  Nobody ever taught me any new cuss words while I was active duty - I had only the words I'd learned in college................where you'd think you'd learn more a more erudite vocabulary than "f-bomb" and the other standard cuss words.

With kids, I tried to fall back on the "BLANKETY, BLANK, BLANK, BLANK" that my parents, the preacher and teacher, had resorted to under extreme provocation (needle in foot, splinter from fence post deeply imbedded in palm of hand - splinter was as long as and almost as thick as a wooden match stick - both required surgery to remove the foreign object - or similar issues that did seem to call for more than an "uh oh" or "oops" in passing - like a wreck that totalled the car or the shed behind the house being struck by lightning that started a fire).
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on February 07, 2011, 06:56:14 PM
Quote
As section commander, the very first Article 15 that I read was for "insubordination" (bad language to supervisor) and "AWOL" (away with out leave - meaning "permission").  The guy had a lousy vocabulary - same cuss word seven or eight times in the three or four sentences...........

You know the old saying about military personnel and their language, right?

"There are two things a soldier cannot live without.

Peanut butter, and the f word.

Take them both away and he'll starve to death, but not be able to tell  you about it."  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Bellantara on February 07, 2011, 07:00:13 PM
Quote
As section commander, the very first Article 15 that I read was for "insubordination" (bad language to supervisor) and "AWOL" (away with out leave - meaning "permission").  The guy had a lousy vocabulary - same cuss word seven or eight times in the three or four sentences...........

You know the old saying about military personnel and their language, right?

"There are two things a soldier cannot live without.

Peanut butter, and the f word.

Take them both away and he'll starve to death, but not be able to tell  you about it."  ;D


(http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn42/bellantara/happy0032.gif)

Dad is retired Army; brother is active duty.  Truer words were never spoken!! :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: NutMeg on February 08, 2011, 02:41:31 AM
I grew up on a farm. One day my dad was using the tractor beside the house (can't remember why), when he found out that there was a old septic tank right beside the house. How did he figure this out? Because the weight of the tractor collapsed the tank, and the tractor started tilting towards the house. Meanwhile he is chanting the f word over and over, thinking that the tractor is going to knock part of our house down. Thankfully it stopped, we took pictures, the top of the cab was about 18 inches away from the wall. I was seven years old and that was the first time I heard my dad swear. It was pretty scary at the time, but I laugh every time I think of it now, my dad sitting in this tractor, collapsing a septic tank, and going f*** f*** f***.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sirius on February 08, 2011, 05:13:17 PM
Quote
As section commander, the very first Article 15 that I read was for "insubordination" (bad language to supervisor) and "AWOL" (away with out leave - meaning "permission").  The guy had a lousy vocabulary - same cuss word seven or eight times in the three or four sentences...........

You know the old saying about military personnel and their language, right?

"There are two things a soldier cannot live without.

Peanut butter, and the f word.

Take them both away and he'll starve to death, but not be able to tell  you about it."  ;D

That's not strictly true:  Mr. Sirius is retired Air Force, and he doesn't say anything even akin to the F word.  However, he's totally capable of discussing someone's ancestry, habits, morals, and probable spiritual destination very succinctly without saying a word that couldn't be repeated in front of his mother (but I may not be able to use that as an example because his mother is a retired nurse and has probably heard things even Mr. Sirius has never heard).  As he so aptly put it, "Why should I say the same eight words everyone else says?"    I'm not saying that he doesn't know how to talk like that; he just doesn't talk like that.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on February 10, 2011, 01:43:12 PM
Quote
As section commander, the very first Article 15 that I read was for "insubordination" (bad language to supervisor) and "AWOL" (away with out leave - meaning "permission").  The guy had a lousy vocabulary - same cuss word seven or eight times in the three or four sentences...........

You know the old saying about military personnel and their language, right?

"There are two things a soldier cannot live without.

Peanut butter, and the f word.

Take them both away and he'll starve to death, but not be able to tell  you about it."  ;D

That's not strictly true:  Mr. Sirius is retired Air Force, and he doesn't say anything even akin to the F word.  However, he's totally capable of discussing someone's ancestry, habits, morals, and probable spiritual destination very succinctly without saying a word that couldn't be repeated in front of his mother (but I may not be able to use that as an example because his mother is a retired nurse and has probably heard things even Mr. Sirius has never heard).  As he so aptly put it, "Why should I say the same eight words everyone else says?"    I'm not saying that he doesn't know how to talk like that; he just doesn't talk like that.

Admittedly, not strictly true, but a general rule of thumb.  :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Twik on February 10, 2011, 02:24:29 PM
Quote
As section commander, the very first Article 15 that I read was for "insubordination" (bad language to supervisor) and "AWOL" (away with out leave - meaning "permission").  The guy had a lousy vocabulary - same cuss word seven or eight times in the three or four sentences...........

You know the old saying about military personnel and their language, right?

"There are two things a soldier cannot live without.

Peanut butter, and the f word.

Take them both away and he'll starve to death, but not be able to tell  you about it."  ;D

That's not strictly true:  Mr. Sirius is retired Air Force, and he doesn't say anything even akin to the F word.  However, he's totally capable of discussing someone's ancestry, habits, morals, and probable spiritual destination very succinctly without saying a word that couldn't be repeated in front of his mother (but I may not be able to use that as an example because his mother is a retired nurse and has probably heard things even Mr. Sirius has never heard).  As he so aptly put it, "Why should I say the same eight words everyone else says?"    I'm not saying that he doesn't know how to talk like that; he just doesn't talk like that.

I think that's one of my biggest objections to profanity - it's such a lazy person's of expressing emotion. I recall reading a very funny book called "The Book of Insults". Most of them were older and often screamingly funny. Simply snarling "You *#(@(!" at someone or something who irritates you doesn't quite carry the same panache.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on February 20, 2011, 12:04:10 AM
One of my cousins tried to kill herself Friday. She hanged herself in the barn, where her father found her and was able to cut her down in time. Like me, she's bipolar and struggles with the urge to do herself in on and off. I was decompressing on the topic with a good friend earlier.

Me: "Now when I finally do it, I'll have to find a different way. Can't have me using the same method - it'd cramp her style, like showing up to a party in the same dress."
Friend: "Now that's what you call gallows humor."
Both of us: "..."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on February 20, 2011, 11:29:20 AM
One of my cousins tried to kill herself Friday. She hanged herself in the barn, where her father found her and was able to cut her down in time. Like me, she's bipolar and struggles with the urge to do herself in on and off. I was decompressing on the topic with a good friend earlier.

Me: "Now when I finally do it, I'll have to find a different way. Can't have me using the same method - it'd cramp her style, like showing up to a party in the same dress."
Friend: "Now that's what you call gallows humor."
Both of us: "..."

My greatest sympathies with your family... I know that this can't be easy for you guys.

But i still giggled a little.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: whiterose on February 20, 2011, 12:40:59 PM
- I have curly jet black hair and an aquiline nose.
- I roll my R's.

You can imagine what people must be thinking when I am telling my BFF to not be so prodigal with her spending. Yup- two cheapskate stereotypes in one!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on February 20, 2011, 01:52:39 PM
So last night I dreamed that I died, but no one missed me, because I was replaced by a potted orchid.

:P
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on February 20, 2011, 01:59:14 PM
So last night I dreamed that I died, but no one missed me, because I was replaced by a potted orchid.

:P


I had a dream like that, except i was replaced by a Billy Bass plaque.

It sang "ring of fire"

At least orchids are pretty?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on February 20, 2011, 02:02:11 PM
So last night I dreamed that I died, but no one missed me, because I was replaced by a potted orchid.

:P


I had a dream like that, except i was replaced by a Billy Bass plaque.

It sang "ring of fire"

At least orchids are pretty?

I dunno, yours sounds a lot cooler. I would so adopt the "Ring of Fire"-singing Billy Bass Kimblee.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on February 22, 2011, 01:03:51 PM
M-Theory, that cracked me up!

This thread is such a contrast to the rest of the forum, every time I come in here I always feel a little bewildered!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on February 22, 2011, 05:27:05 PM
I was in a car accident over the weekend. Yesterday I found out at the auto repair shop that my car was damaged beyond it's worth, and so it would be totaled. This could not be a worse time for this to happen to me. It was everything I could do to not burst into tears right there at the shop, and then a few minutes later at the car rental place where I rented another car. I was really fighting back tears there, then suddenly the woman customer next to me being helped started to cry over something. Oh, the irony of that just makes me giggle. She did my crying for me, I guess. What a favor  ::)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Lynn2000 on February 22, 2011, 11:29:15 PM
Okay, maybe this is one of those "you had to be there" situations...

A relative was dying of cancer and was planning her funeral, and she was telling us about it at a family gathering. Her mother is terrified of birds and the funeral director had suggested adding the option to release some doves at the funeral. My relative was horrified and was like, "No, you can't do that, my mother would keel over dead of a heart attack on the spot!" For some reason we just all found this hilarious and started laughing and laughing... I think it's very true that laughter is often a release of tension, and listening to someone you love talk about their impending funeral is a pretty tense situation!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on February 28, 2011, 02:41:38 PM
My two eldest DD's were cleaning the cat box yesterday.

DD #1 emptied the box.

DD# 2 washed it and refilled it.

Except that she forgot to refill it.

How did she discover this?
When the cat came into her room and used her laundry as the litter box.  :o

I'm so totally not blaming the cat on this one!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfqueen13 on February 28, 2011, 02:44:42 PM
My two eldest DD's were cleaning the cat box yesterday.

DD #1 emptied the box.

DD# 2 washed it and refilled it.

Except that she forgot to refill it.

How did she discover this?
When the cat came into her room and used her laundry as the litter box.  :o

I'm so totally not blaming the cat on this one!

Little dogs like mine have little bladders.  Mine mostly does well when left alone but twice in the last 2 weeks I have come home to a small puddle on the bathroom floor. I don't know if I'm annoyed that he's peeing in the house or impressed that he's connected bathroom to peeing...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfmama on February 28, 2011, 04:36:37 PM
Better the nice cleanable tile floor in the bathroom than the lovely absorbent rug on the living room floor.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Suze on February 28, 2011, 08:59:49 PM
my little dog peed ON the toilet one day

dad came out of the bathroom telling him that he had the right idea but his "aim" was a bit off
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: HappilyInsane on March 02, 2011, 01:36:05 AM
BG1 My family loves 'Forest Gump'
BG2 we used to have a man down the street that was more than a little off his rocker. At some point he had to have a leg removed and proceeded to terrorize the neighborhood in his scooter. We tried to avoid him as much as possible, but he would seek us out any time we were outside.

DH,DD and myself came home from shopping one day. My car is a 2 door SUV, so DD was in the back seat and had to climb out after sliding my seat forward. She was in her late teens at the time , so not an easy task.As she was getting out, I was getting things out of the hatch area. Crazy Scooter Man comes walking down the street calling out to DH. We kind of stop where we are and he says " I got an artificial leg". Totally without thinking about it... I leaned into the back of the SUV and said just loud enough for DD to hear... "Lieutenant Dan....you got new legs!" DD promptly fell trying to get out... wound up stuck in the back floorboard laughing so hard she couldn't get out of the car. I was laughing at her. Poor DH was stuck talking to the CSM while DD and I were a few feet away laughing hysterically. It was quite awhile before we could even compose ourselves enough to explain what happened.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ondine on March 02, 2011, 12:09:24 PM
A girl I knew had a father who had to have his legs amputated after a near fatal accident. He got used to prosthetis, and went on his normal life. She told me he actually had clear prosthetics, and would fill them with Halloween candy every Halloween, to show the little kids who came to his door. 

I am sick and twisted, because I couldn't stop laughing after she told me this.

This was also the girl who used to stick her mom's Jimmy Swaggert tapes into her talking Teddy Ruxpin to see if he would sing along.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: creativecat on March 02, 2011, 08:47:10 PM
I have a tendancy to say really dirty things at innapropriate times without realizing it. Last weekend, DH and I spent an evening with my SIL, BIL, their 1 yr old, and their 3 crazy dogs.

We were talking about our two little dogs that like "making out" a lot (like cleaning each other's faces for 5 minutes at a time). At that moment, SIL's Medium Dog shoved her nose into Huge Dog's mouth and started licking.

I said, "Hey, check it out, Med. Dog is deep throating!" in the presence of the 1 yr old, my ILs, and my DH. Oops. I received a very shocked reaction (like they didn't expect something like that to come out of my mouth). Even DH's jaw dropped.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Carnation on March 02, 2011, 09:38:14 PM
When my oldest son was about 5 years old, I took him to the pediatrician.  My son blurted out "WHY IS HE WEARING GIRL'S SHOES!!"  (Some sort of designer men's shoes)

Doctor was not amused.

I was. :-*
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Nora on March 03, 2011, 11:10:24 AM
She told me he actually had clear prosthetics, and would fill them with Halloween candy every Halloween, to show the little kids who came to his door. 


If I ever get something amputated I'm totally doing that!

In other questions: I'll probably need a cane in the future. Not neccessarily when I'm that old either. The fun of joint problems. My question: is it wrong that I'm totally looking forward to getting an awesome looking cane, and shaking it at people when i need emphasis? The thought of it just cracks me up.  ;D I'm not looking forward to being even less mobile, but if I have to be it might as well be with this, right?

(http://www.walking-canes.net/ProductImages/harvycanes/19100.jpg)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Giggity on March 03, 2011, 11:23:35 AM
I'd have different canes for different occasions. After all, it would never do to take my casual cane to the opera.

And every single one would be modified to hold either booze, or a sword. Or maybe both.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: faithlessone on March 03, 2011, 11:29:52 AM
I'd have different canes for different occasions. After all, it would never do to take my casual cane to the opera.

And every single one would be modified to hold either booze, or a sword. Or maybe both.

Pretty dangerous combination, Juana!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Giggity on March 03, 2011, 11:30:51 AM
I roll tough, yo.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Nora on March 03, 2011, 11:37:30 AM
I'd have different canes for different occasions. After all, it would never do to take my casual cane to the opera.

And every single one would be modified to hold either booze, or a sword. Or maybe both.

I like the way you think! Mmmmm, cane booze. I'll get an oak cane, and put whiskey in it. If that possibility exists I'm totally doing it.



Edited to Remove thing I should not laugh at.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Penguinity on March 03, 2011, 12:00:29 PM
Or you could get Biff's cane, from Back to the Future. It has a fist right on it, for fist-shaking convenience!

http://backtothefuture.wikia.com/wiki/Biff%27s_cane
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hermanne on March 03, 2011, 12:15:01 PM
Personally, I liked the cane that Dr. House had at one point, with flames painted on it.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfqueen13 on March 03, 2011, 12:27:42 PM
Personally, I liked the cane that Dr. House had at one point, with flames painted on it.

It made him look speedy!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Nora on March 03, 2011, 12:28:32 PM
Or you could get Biff's cane, from Back to the Future. It has a fist right on it, for fist-shaking convenience!

http://backtothefuture.wikia.com/wiki/Biff%27s_cane

That's perfect! I bet I could get that made to order somewhere. It would be awesome for waving at kids on lawns, and students/husbands/random strangers in the street who are wrong!  ;D

Personally, I liked the cane that Dr. House had at one point, with flames painted on it.

DH has been talking up that cane! If he was the one in the market for a cane, that would be the one. It's in my maybe-pile.

It made him look speedy!

*snorts*
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: bookworm317 on March 03, 2011, 03:29:55 PM
Or you could get Biff's cane, from Back to the Future. It has a fist right on it, for fist-shaking convenience!

http://backtothefuture.wikia.com/wiki/Biff%27s_cane

That's perfect! I bet I could get that made to order somewhere. It would be awesome for waving at kids on lawns, and students/husbands/random strangers in the street who are wrong!  ;D

Personally, I liked the cane that Dr. House had at one point, with flames painted on it.

DH has been talking up that cane! If he was the one in the market for a cane, that would be the one. It's in my maybe-pile.

It made him look speedy!

*snorts*


I think you should go with House's cane! It was AWESOME!!!! ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Suze on March 03, 2011, 04:20:42 PM
http://yhst-5672966975550.stores.yahoo.net/ucdscombo.html

I always wanted this cane.....

yeah I liked Dark Shadows
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Poirot on March 03, 2011, 04:23:16 PM
I want Lucius Malfoy's serpent cane so I can carry my wand.  ;D

http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=69753969&pnr=M53&cm_mmc=Shopping-_-Google-_-M53-_-69753969

Although I'd prefer Jason Isaac's wand.  >:D  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on March 03, 2011, 07:42:56 PM
I want Lucius Malfoy's serpent cane so I can carry my wand.  ;D

http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=69753969&pnr=M53&cm_mmc=Shopping-_-Google-_-M53-_-69753969

Although I'd prefer Jason Isaac's wand.  >:D  ;D

Doesn't this fall under the "Things that sound dirty" thread?  >:D >:D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Clara Bow on March 04, 2011, 03:37:08 PM
Last night at work:

For those who don't know, I work on the cancer unit. We have a lot of in-house hospice on our floor and a lot of our patients die. We were talking about the morgue-cart and how it's such a pain to go down there, get the thing, load it up, etc. I suggested that we install a hatch in the walls behind the beds, ala' Sweeney Todd where we can just pull a lever and dump them down to the morgue like a laundry chute.

"Sweeney Todd" is now being used as a verb on our floor.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Nora on March 04, 2011, 03:42:23 PM

"Sweeney Todd" is now being used as a verb on our floor.

I love how macabre that is!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: wendelenn on March 04, 2011, 08:48:17 PM
Last night at work:

For those who don't know, I work on the cancer unit. We have a lot of in-house hospice on our floor and a lot of our patients die. We were talking about the morgue-cart and how it's such a pain to go down there, get the thing, load it up, etc. I suggested that we install a hatch in the walls behind the beds, ala' Sweeney Todd where we can just pull a lever and dump them down to the morgue like a laundry chute.

"Sweeney Todd" is now being used as a verb on our floor.

I want a "like" button.  :)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: JonGirl on March 04, 2011, 11:11:42 PM
Last night at work:

For those who don't know, I work on the cancer unit. We have a lot of in-house hospice on our floor and a lot of our patients die. We were talking about the morgue-cart and how it's such a pain to go down there, get the thing, load it up, etc. I suggested that we install a hatch in the walls behind the beds, ala' Sweeney Todd where we can just pull a lever and dump them down to the morgue like a laundry chute.

"Sweeney Todd" is now being used as a verb on our floor.

That is so wrong, but I can't help help the giggles.  :-[
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: CLD on March 13, 2011, 08:33:00 PM
I live (and teach middle school) on the coast of California, in a smallish city about 4 miles inland from the ocean. On Friday, the whole region was under a tsunami warning, and in nearby towns, certain areas within blocks of the ocean were evacuated. 

Somehow, for a huge portion of our local immigrant population, that news amplified into "Get out now, or die!" Thousands of families packed their cars and literally headed for the hills-- not just higher ground or further inland, but up toward the peak of the local 1000 ft high mountain behind us. Gridlock ensued. Only 129 out of 600 students showed up for class at our schools, with similar numbers at other local schools. 

I know the non-English news programs tend to be even more dramatic than English news, I know that many of these poor folks have a very limited education, and I do feel compassion for the fear they must have felt. 

But, since Friday, I find myself looking around and wondering: How did they not notice that we are 4 miles inland??  How did they not notice the HILLS between us and the ocean? How did they not notice that the city itself is on average about 100 feet above sea level? 

 

     


Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfmama on March 13, 2011, 09:26:18 PM
They may also have seen that horrible footage of the tsunami in Japan itself, where it's clearly higher than the buildings.  :'(  That's enough to terrify anyone who doesn't quite understand the situation.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: CLD on March 13, 2011, 09:54:50 PM
Although the panic seems to have started well before that footage was widely shown. 

And, I agree with  :'( over the situation in Japan.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on March 14, 2011, 01:09:45 PM
BF and I have been making a concerted effort to take my grandson to church on Sundays.  However, I haven't always been on the best terms with MyReligion so every now and then they start something that irritates me.  And once in a while I just inappropriately get the giggles.  A couple of weeks ago, the reading for the day was the Beatitudes from the Sermon on the Mount.  Which is beautiful, I know.  But every single time I hear it, I flash back to that scene in Life of Brian where they're trying to hear from too far away.  "Blessed is the Greek?  Did anyone catch his name?"  "Blessed are the cheesemakers?  Well, it's clearly intended to mean ALL purveyors of dairy products."  Started giggling in church and couldn't stop.  BF moved over as far as he could so that when the lightning strike hit, he wouldn't end up as collateral damage.  Worst thing was he SAID that to me and that just made the giggles worse.

Count me as another one with a black, black sense of humor.

When my grandmother died, we all went out to her funeral and it was completely surreal.  The culmination of the day, though, was graveside.  My one cousin had decided that there should be some dramatic moment (because a funeral requires SOME kind of dramatic conclusion, right?) and went out and bought doves to be released at some point in the ceremony.  (Okay, and let me digress a moment here because she showed up to the graveside with a covered cage making odd sounds and her ex-boyfriend, who was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that read "Got bail?" and had their bailbondsman's information on it.  Just...  take a moment to form the mental image, okay?)  There was a pastor of some sort who did this fire and brimstone thing talking about how sad my grandmother was that we were all going to a fiery afterlife and she would really miss us unless we converted to HerReligion and when he was done, DoveCousin stood up and gave the most self-serving eulogy in the history of the world.  Then she had a whispered conversation with the funeral directors and scurried off to the covered cage.  She WHIPPED the cover off and triumphantly flung wide the cage door, releasing two white doves.  Which were apparently supposed to fly off into the direction of the sun, symbolizing my grandmother's soul's departure.  Except Grandma wasn't going anywhere.

It turns out that the shop that sold her the doves had two kinds.  One was like $15/dove and the other was $40/dove.  Cousin didn't see any reason to spend big on doves that were going to be released so she scrimped and never asked about the difference.  Except that $15 doves can't fly.  So these doves hopped and waddled around, terrifying the older people at the funeral and made sad little chirping sounds.  My daughter and I are studiously NOT looking at each other because, you know, the hopping doves were pretty funny.  Then the funeral director charged up on one of them and was trying to shoo it into the sky.  Now we're sort of holding each other up.  Then another cousin leans in and says in my ear quietly "DoveCousin asked me to trap doves for her, but she didn't tell me why.  I told her I couldn't live trap them but I could get her a couple of dead doves.  Maybe she should have taken me up on it and we could have launched them with the skeet shooter."

I don't know why, but that was what put me over the edge.  I almost peed myself because I couldn't stop laughing and I was trying so hard not to let it be noticed.  Of course, my mom and my aunts gave me the death glare, but...  oh man.  And actually, that Christmas one of my aunts sent everyone a dove toy that you can attach to the ceiling which flies around.  She said that we should have SOME flying doves.

Moral of the story:  always upgrade your dove purchases.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: jayhawk on March 14, 2011, 01:22:19 PM
electricgrrl, I love you and your aunt.  That is awesome.  Sorry about your grandmother, of course.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Outdoor Girl on March 14, 2011, 01:36:40 PM
I am sitting here in my cubicle at work, trying very hard not to guffaw out loud, electricgrrl.  Love your Aunt's sense of humour, too.

I think your grandmother was laughing, too.   :)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on March 14, 2011, 01:56:35 PM
BF and I have been making a concerted effort to take my grandson to church on Sundays.  However, I haven't always been on the best terms with MyReligion so every now and then they start something that irritates me.  And once in a while I just inappropriately get the giggles.  A couple of weeks ago, the reading for the day was the Beatitudes from the Sermon on the Mount.  Which is beautiful, I know.  But every single time I hear it, I flash back to that scene in Life of Brian where they're trying to hear from too far away.  "Blessed is the Greek?  Did anyone catch his name?"  "Blessed are the cheesemakers?  Well, it's clearly intended to mean ALL purveyors of dairy products."  Started giggling in church and couldn't stop.  BF moved over as far as he could so that when the lightning strike hit, he wouldn't end up as collateral damage.  Worst thing was he SAID that to me and that just made the giggles worse.

Count me as another one with a black, black sense of humor.

When my grandmother died, we all went out to her funeral and it was completely surreal.  The culmination of the day, though, was graveside.  My one cousin had decided that there should be some dramatic moment (because a funeral requires SOME kind of dramatic conclusion, right?) and went out and bought doves to be released at some point in the ceremony.  (Okay, and let me digress a moment here because she showed up to the graveside with a covered cage making odd sounds and her ex-boyfriend, who was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that read "Got bail?" and had their bailbondsman's information on it.  Just...  take a moment to form the mental image, okay?)  There was a pastor of some sort who did this fire and brimstone thing talking about how sad my grandmother was that we were all going to a fiery afterlife and she would really miss us unless we converted to HerReligion and when he was done, DoveCousin stood up and gave the most self-serving eulogy in the history of the world.  Then she had a whispered conversation with the funeral directors and scurried off to the covered cage.  She WHIPPED the cover off and triumphantly flung wide the cage door, releasing two white doves.  Which were apparently supposed to fly off into the direction of the sun, symbolizing my grandmother's soul's departure.  Except Grandma wasn't going anywhere.

It turns out that the shop that sold her the doves had two kinds.  One was like $15/dove and the other was $40/dove.  Cousin didn't see any reason to spend big on doves that were going to be released so she scrimped and never asked about the difference.  Except that $15 doves can't fly.  So these doves hopped and waddled around, terrifying the older people at the funeral and made sad little chirping sounds.  My daughter and I are studiously NOT looking at each other because, you know, the hopping doves were pretty funny.  Then the funeral director charged up on one of them and was trying to shoo it into the sky.  Now we're sort of holding each other up.  Then another cousin leans in and says in my ear quietly "DoveCousin asked me to trap doves for her, but she didn't tell me why.  I told her I couldn't live trap them but I could get her a couple of dead doves.  Maybe she should have taken me up on it and we could have launched them with the skeet shooter."

I don't know why, but that was what put me over the edge.  I almost peed myself because I couldn't stop laughing and I was trying so hard not to let it be noticed.  Of course, my mom and my aunts gave me the death glare, but...  oh man.  And actually, that Christmas one of my aunts sent everyone a dove toy that you can attach to the ceiling which flies around.  She said that we should have SOME flying doves.

Moral of the story:  always upgrade your dove purchases.

I LOLed, but I feel so sorry for the doves. I hope someone took them home or else the poor things probably met an unpleasant end, being unable to fly and all.

:(
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ferrets on March 14, 2011, 02:09:59 PM
A couple of weeks ago, the reading for the day was the Beatitudes from the Sermon on the Mount.  Which is beautiful, I know.  But every single time I hear it, I flash back to that scene in Life of Brian where they're trying to hear from too far away.

I think priests and pastors and ministers all over the world must positively dread reading the Sermon on the Mount since Life of Brian... ;D

Visiting the parents one weekend, I was at Mass with the family, sitting through a positively interminable sermon about the importance of faith in UK fishing communities, and what a dangerous occupation fishing can be - an absolutely worthy subject, and some sound points to be made, but a fairly pedestrian delivery and essentially a five-minute homily delivered in twenty.

After what felt like the ninetieth mention of how Christians are called to be FISHERS OF PEOPLE, just like modern fishers are (and Simon and Andrew were) FISHERS OF FISH, I'm afraid I leaned over to my dad, and whispered very quietly: "It's the converts John West (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_West_Salmon) rejects, that make John West Catholics the best!"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on March 14, 2011, 02:13:43 PM
I LOLed, but I feel so sorry for the doves. I hope someone took them home or else the poor things probably met an unpleasant end, being unable to fly and all.

:(

Oh, no!  How could I have forgotten the footnote to the story?  DoveCousin decided that she shouldn't have to pay ANYTHING for the defective doves so she got into a furious argument with the funeral director, who was still trying to KICK the doves into the sky.  Instead, she decided that she should take them back to the shop and get her money back.  So she asked her older brother (who was the only one of my cousins who wore a suit to the service - even my brother just wore a sports coat) and her BF to help her chase the doves down and re-cage them.

You'd be surprised at how quick non-flying doves can be.

We actually had to leave the graveside while there were still guests there because the sight of DoveCousin and her skeezy BF trying to run these poor doves into the ground was just...  so bizarre.  I had started to help her chase them down but she snapped on me (fair enough - I was laughing at her grand gesture) and told me to go.  So I did.  I went and laughed in the car where I wouldn't offend as many people.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on March 14, 2011, 02:15:47 PM
After what felt like the ninetieth mention of how Christians are called to be FISHERS OF PEOPLE, just like modern fishers are (and Simon and Andrew were) FISHERS OF FISH, I'm afraid I leaned over to my dad, and whispered very quietly: "It's the converts John West (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_West_Salmon) rejects, that make John West Catholics the best!"

ROTFLMAO

And enjoying the idea of having someone repeat, over and over, the phrase "FISHERS OF FISH".
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hobish on March 14, 2011, 05:15:35 PM
I'd have different canes for different occasions. After all, it would never do to take my casual cane to the opera.

And every single one would be modified to hold either booze, or a sword. Or maybe both.

Pretty dangerous combination, Juana!

I am pretty sure my dad has one that holds at least a knife and some booze. Knives and whiskey are important in my family. Most Christmases involve quite an assortment of both.

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on March 23, 2011, 02:32:22 PM
My brother is stationed in Japan. He and some of his fellow sailors have made some comments about the recent earthquake. For instance, to let everyone know he was okay, my bro made the FB status "Shaken, but not stirred". Then in another discussion about the nuclear situation/radiation, one of his fellow sailors wondered if all this was going to wake up Godzilla. I have to admit I LOL at both these comments....
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: stkatie00 on March 24, 2011, 07:42:04 AM
I want Lucius Malfoy's serpent cane so I can carry my wand.  ;D

http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=69753969&pnr=M53&cm_mmc=Shopping-_-Google-_-M53-_-69753969

Although I'd prefer Jason Isaac's wand.  >:D  ;D

*LIKE!*  We definitely need a like button around here... :)

I had a couple that happened last night:

1. We got some pretty big thunder storms, and my cat is TERRIFIED of storms.  So everytime we have one, I both feel terrible that she's scared, but can't help but laugh as she walks super low to the ground, and trying to find the most secure place she can.  It makes it worse when she starts meowing-poor cat has the most pathetic meow I've ever heard.  Seriously, one would think we were starving her listening to it (we don't, but she'd eat ALL DAY if we let her)!

2. DH and I were flipping through the channels last night, and landed on CNN talking about the death of Elizabeth Taylor, which is, of course, very sad.  Unfortunately, the movie clip they were showing had her shouting, "I'm alive! I'm alive!" At which point, DH says, "No, you're not. Unless you're a zombie-Elizabeth Taylor is a zombie!" Cracked me up. And made me feel like a terrible person for doing so...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on March 24, 2011, 02:50:54 PM
As a longtime cat owner, I can attest to the fact that the some of the distressed, unhappy meows that cats make are indeed funny! I know it's wrong because they're unhappy, but they just sound so durn funny sometimes...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Information_queen on March 24, 2011, 08:02:41 PM
As a longtime cat owner, I can attest to the fact that the some of the distressed, unhappy meows that cats make are indeed funny! I know it's wrong because they're unhappy, but they just sound so durn funny sometimes...

My dog does that. He makes this sound that is somewhere between a whine and a croon and it sounds sooo helpless, but I crack up every time. There's usually a moment of dead silence as we appreciate the absolute desolation expressed by this noise, and then maniacal laughter as we congratulate the dog on setting a new personal best. Then you should see the hurt look on his face as he realized it backfired on him, yet again!  ;D >:D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Lynn2000 on March 24, 2011, 09:57:05 PM
BF and I have been making a concerted effort to take my grandson to church on Sundays.  However, I haven't always been on the best terms with MyReligion so every now and then they start something that irritates me.  And once in a while I just inappropriately get the giggles.  A couple of weeks ago, the reading for the day was the Beatitudes from the Sermon on the Mount.  Which is beautiful, I know.  But every single time I hear it, I flash back to that scene in Life of Brian where they're trying to hear from too far away.  "Blessed is the Greek?  Did anyone catch his name?"  "Blessed are the cheesemakers?  Well, it's clearly intended to mean ALL purveyors of dairy products."  Started giggling in church and couldn't stop.  BF moved over as far as he could so that when the lightning strike hit, he wouldn't end up as collateral damage.  Worst thing was he SAID that to me and that just made the giggles worse.

Count me as another one with a black, black sense of humor.

When my grandmother died, we all went out to her funeral and it was completely surreal.  The culmination of the day, though, was graveside.  My one cousin had decided that there should be some dramatic moment (because a funeral requires SOME kind of dramatic conclusion, right?) and went out and bought doves to be released at some point in the ceremony.  (Okay, and let me digress a moment here because she showed up to the graveside with a covered cage making odd sounds and her ex-boyfriend, who was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that read "Got bail?" and had their bailbondsman's information on it.  Just...  take a moment to form the mental image, okay?)  There was a pastor of some sort who did this fire and brimstone thing talking about how sad my grandmother was that we were all going to a fiery afterlife and she would really miss us unless we converted to HerReligion and when he was done, DoveCousin stood up and gave the most self-serving eulogy in the history of the world.  Then she had a whispered conversation with the funeral directors and scurried off to the covered cage.  She WHIPPED the cover off and triumphantly flung wide the cage door, releasing two white doves.  Which were apparently supposed to fly off into the direction of the sun, symbolizing my grandmother's soul's departure.  Except Grandma wasn't going anywhere.

It turns out that the shop that sold her the doves had two kinds.  One was like $15/dove and the other was $40/dove.  Cousin didn't see any reason to spend big on doves that were going to be released so she scrimped and never asked about the difference.  Except that $15 doves can't fly.  So these doves hopped and waddled around, terrifying the older people at the funeral and made sad little chirping sounds.  My daughter and I are studiously NOT looking at each other because, you know, the hopping doves were pretty funny.  Then the funeral director charged up on one of them and was trying to shoo it into the sky.  Now we're sort of holding each other up.  Then another cousin leans in and says in my ear quietly "DoveCousin asked me to trap doves for her, but she didn't tell me why.  I told her I couldn't live trap them but I could get her a couple of dead doves.  Maybe she should have taken me up on it and we could have launched them with the skeet shooter."

I don't know why, but that was what put me over the edge.  I almost peed myself because I couldn't stop laughing and I was trying so hard not to let it be noticed.  Of course, my mom and my aunts gave me the death glare, but...  oh man.  And actually, that Christmas one of my aunts sent everyone a dove toy that you can attach to the ceiling which flies around.  She said that we should have SOME flying doves.

Moral of the story:  always upgrade your dove purchases.

Hilarious. SO hilarious.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on March 25, 2011, 08:51:27 AM
As a longtime cat owner, I can attest to the fact that the some of the distressed, unhappy meows that cats make are indeed funny! I know it's wrong because they're unhappy, but they just sound so durn funny sometimes...

My dog does that. He makes this sound that is somewhere between a whine and a croon and it sounds sooo helpless, but I crack up every time. There's usually a moment of dead silence as we appreciate the absolute desolation expressed by this noise, and then maniacal laughter as we congratulate the dog on setting a new personal best. Then you should see the hurt look on his face as he realized it backfired on him, yet again!  ;D >:D

hyperboleandahalf refers to this as the "confusion alarm."

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/11/dogs-dont-understand-basic-concepts.html
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: siamesecat2965 on March 25, 2011, 01:40:19 PM

 
1. We got some pretty big thunder storms, and my cat is TERRIFIED of storms.  So everytime we have one, I both feel terrible that she's scared, but can't help but laugh as she walks super low to the ground, and trying to find the most secure place she can.  It makes it worse when she starts meowing-poor cat has the most pathetic meow I've ever heard.  Seriously, one would think we were starving her listening to it (we don't, but she'd eat ALL DAY if we let her)!

My cat used to be terrifed too!  the funny thing is her name was Lightning...due to the jagged tiger stripes on her back, and the way she used to zip around the house when she was a kitten. She hated thunder, and would go and cower on the middle basement stair (not open stairs but walls on either side) scrunched up against the vertical part of the step.  She didn't cry, but the pathetic cry would start when you put her in the carrier to go to the vet.

My friend's dog, is also terrified of thunder, and can start shaking so hard the entire, HUGE king bed shakes like one of those you put money in to vibrate!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Information_queen on March 25, 2011, 02:48:00 PM
As a longtime cat owner, I can attest to the fact that the some of the distressed, unhappy meows that cats make are indeed funny! I know it's wrong because they're unhappy, but they just sound so durn funny sometimes...

My dog does that. He makes this sound that is somewhere between a whine and a croon and it sounds sooo helpless, but I crack up every time. There's usually a moment of dead silence as we appreciate the absolute desolation expressed by this noise, and then maniacal laughter as we congratulate the dog on setting a new personal best. Then you should see the hurt look on his face as he realized it backfired on him, yet again!  ;D >:D

hyperboleandahalf refers to this as the "confusion alarm."

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/11/dogs-dont-understand-basic-concepts.html

 :o :o :o Thank goodness it's actually nothing like that! This is his attention alarm. He usually does it when we're talking and not paying attention to him. It's more of an 'oh woe is me I am the loneliest dog in the whole world and nobody loves me' whine/croon and he has the saddest look on his face. It's also pretty short; he stops once we're looking at him.

And he's definitely not confused, lol. He knows exactly what he wants: MOAR ATTENTIONZ PLZ KTHXBAI
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: baglady on March 27, 2011, 11:03:45 PM
BF and I have been making a concerted effort to take my grandson to church on Sundays.  However, I haven't always been on the best terms with MyReligion so every now and then they start something that irritates me.  And once in a while I just inappropriately get the giggles.  A couple of weeks ago, the reading for the day was the Beatitudes from the Sermon on the Mount.  Which is beautiful, I know.  But every single time I hear it, I flash back to that scene in Life of Brian where they're trying to hear from too far away.  "Blessed is the Greek?  Did anyone catch his name?"  "Blessed are the cheesemakers?  Well, it's clearly intended to mean ALL purveyors of dairy products."  Started giggling in church and couldn't stop.  BF moved over as far as he could so that when the lightning strike hit, he wouldn't end up as collateral damage.  Worst thing was he SAID that to me and that just made the giggles worse.

Count me as another one with a black, black sense of humor.

When my grandmother died, we all went out to her funeral and it was completely surreal.  The culmination of the day, though, was graveside.  My one cousin had decided that there should be some dramatic moment (because a funeral requires SOME kind of dramatic conclusion, right?) and went out and bought doves to be released at some point in the ceremony.  (Okay, and let me digress a moment here because she showed up to the graveside with a covered cage making odd sounds and her ex-boyfriend, who was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that read "Got bail?" and had their bailbondsman's information on it.  Just...  take a moment to form the mental image, okay?)  There was a pastor of some sort who did this fire and brimstone thing talking about how sad my grandmother was that we were all going to a fiery afterlife and she would really miss us unless we converted to HerReligion and when he was done, DoveCousin stood up and gave the most self-serving eulogy in the history of the world.  Then she had a whispered conversation with the funeral directors and scurried off to the covered cage.  She WHIPPED the cover off and triumphantly flung wide the cage door, releasing two white doves.  Which were apparently supposed to fly off into the direction of the sun, symbolizing my grandmother's soul's departure.  Except Grandma wasn't going anywhere.

It turns out that the shop that sold her the doves had two kinds.  One was like $15/dove and the other was $40/dove.  Cousin didn't see any reason to spend big on doves that were going to be released so she scrimped and never asked about the difference.  Except that $15 doves can't fly.  So these doves hopped and waddled around, terrifying the older people at the funeral and made sad little chirping sounds.  My daughter and I are studiously NOT looking at each other because, you know, the hopping doves were pretty funny.  Then the funeral director charged up on one of them and was trying to shoo it into the sky.  Now we're sort of holding each other up.  Then another cousin leans in and says in my ear quietly "DoveCousin asked me to trap doves for her, but she didn't tell me why.  I told her I couldn't live trap them but I could get her a couple of dead doves.  Maybe she should have taken me up on it and we could have launched them with the skeet shooter."

I don't know why, but that was what put me over the edge.  I almost peed myself because I couldn't stop laughing and I was trying so hard not to let it be noticed.  Of course, my mom and my aunts gave me the death glare, but...  oh man.  And actually, that Christmas one of my aunts sent everyone a dove toy that you can attach to the ceiling which flies around.  She said that we should have SOME flying doves.

Moral of the story:  always upgrade your dove purchases.

"As God is my witness, I thought $15 doves could fly."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: blue2000 on March 28, 2011, 09:16:22 AM

Moral of the story:  always upgrade your dove purchases.

"As God is my witness, I thought $15 doves could fly."

Snerk!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on March 28, 2011, 09:18:14 AM

Moral of the story:  always upgrade your dove purchases.

"As God is my witness, I thought $15 doves could fly."

Snerk!

Just spit coffee EVERYWHERE.  If only I was quick enough to have thought that at the actual funeral!!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: siamesecat2965 on March 31, 2011, 10:14:10 AM
As a longtime cat owner, I can attest to the fact that the some of the distressed, unhappy meows that cats make are indeed funny! I know it's wrong because they're unhappy, but they just sound so durn funny sometimes...

My dog does that. He makes this sound that is somewhere between a whine and a croon and it sounds sooo helpless, but I crack up every time. There's usually a moment of dead silence as we appreciate the absolute desolation expressed by this noise, and then maniacal laughter as we congratulate the dog on setting a new personal best. Then you should see the hurt look on his face as he realized it backfired on him, yet again!  ;D >:D

hyperboleandahalf refers to this as the "confusion alarm."

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/11/dogs-dont-understand-basic-concepts.html

 :o :o :o Thank goodness it's actually nothing like that! This is his attention alarm. He usually does it when we're talking and not paying attention to him. It's more of an 'oh woe is me I am the loneliest dog in the whole world and nobody loves me' whine/croon and he has the saddest look on his face. It's also pretty short; he stops once we're looking at him.

And he's definitely not confused, lol. He knows exactly what he wants: MOAR ATTENTIONZ PLZ KTHXBAI


My friend's dog just sits in front of you and whimpers.  Just for the attention.  Their old dog, a very sweet elderly lab would come up and head butt you if you ignored him, or he thought you weren't quick enough to get up and FEED him.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfmama on March 31, 2011, 10:26:19 AM
Elfdoggy doesn't whine for attention.  He spins in circles about eleventy-one times and then looks up at you, his whole tiny body quivering with  the enormous NEED to jump into your lap or be picked up.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on March 31, 2011, 12:46:13 PM
Eclecticpup2 doesn't whine for attention either.  He sits up on his back paws and SMACKS you with the right front one while lightly holding you in place with the left.  Eclecticpup2 isn't shy about getting his needs met.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on April 05, 2011, 11:10:41 AM
WARNING!  Mentions cannibalism...







It's Expedition Week on the National Geographic Channel.  Last night, I was watching "Eating with Cannibals."  It was a fascinating program. Explorer Piers Gibbon went into Papua, New Guinea to find members of a tribe that were around when they practiced cannibalism. (They don't anymore.  That we know of.)  He found the tribe and it was a fascinating interview.

What was cracking me up was the disclaimer at the beginning of the show, warning viewers that there was brief nudity.  And there was but it was in the context of tribal dress (the women weren't covered on top).  But nothing about "oh, and we'll also be talking, in detail, about how cannibalism was practiced by these very people not so very long ago..."  I suppose the TV title said it all but it just struck me as funny that people watching a show about this particular subject might be offended at the sight of topless women.

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: PeasNCues on April 05, 2011, 11:15:48 AM
WARNING!  Mentions cannibalism...







It's Expedition Week on the National Geographic Channel.  Last night, I was watching "Eating with Cannibals."  It was a fascinating program. Explorer Piers Gibbon went into Papua, New Guinea to find members of a tribe that were around when they practiced cannibalism. (They don't anymore.  That we know of.)  He found the tribe and it was a fascinating interview.

What was cracking me up was the disclaimer at the beginning of the show, warning viewers that there was brief nudity.  And there was but it was in the context of tribal dress (the women weren't covered on top).  But nothing about "oh, and we'll also be talking, in detail, about how cannibalism was practiced by these very people not so very long ago..."  I suppose the TV title said it all but it just struck me as funny that people watching a show about this particular subject might be offended at the sight of topless women.

ROTFLMAO!

Warning: The cannibals in this program may be inappropriately attired.

Carry on.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Miss Vertigo on April 05, 2011, 11:25:14 AM
WARNING!  Mentions cannibalism...


Best.Warning.Evah.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on April 05, 2011, 04:43:37 PM
WARNING!  Mentions cannibalism...


Best.Warning.Evah.

<pffft>

*I* happen to think that this was a completely inadequate warning.

2littlemonkeys didn't even BOTHER to mention that the cannibals were topless.  What's up with that?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Seraphia on April 06, 2011, 10:18:16 AM
WARNING!  Mentions cannibalism...


Best.Warning.Evah.

<pffft>

*I* happen to think that this was a completely inadequate warning.

2littlemonkeys didn't even BOTHER to mention that the cannibals were topless.  What's up with that?


Eeeeee! Naked cannibals!

I only want to be eaten by properly attired cannibals.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on April 06, 2011, 11:48:40 AM
"Excuse ME!  I am shocked and appalled that you think this is appropriate dining attire.  You must go put on a proper shirt AT ONCE.  THEN you may proceed."  (fluffs hair)

I won't even get into the comments DH was making during the show.  "Sure Piers.  Go on into the hut.  They probably have a big surpriiiise for you..."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Seraphia on April 06, 2011, 01:29:16 PM
Must.....not...snort...yogurt.........

LOL.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Xallanthia on April 07, 2011, 10:27:46 AM
Then in another discussion about the nuclear situation/radiation, one of his fellow sailors wondered if all this was going to wake up Godzilla. I have to admit I LOL at both these comments....

My husband said the same thing...  I was being all "nuclear! Concerned! !!!" since I'm working on a project for a nuclear power station (in the US) and understand exactly what's going wrong over there with their cooling system.  Then he said that and I went from "Oh no" to nearly crying laughing...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: amandaelizabeth on April 11, 2011, 01:22:15 AM
When I first came to New Zealand I met two sisters who became my best friends.  Sadly one of the sisters dies of cancer.  As part of her "I am not going to die" strategy, she bought herself a pair of very exquisite but expensive Italian shoes. which unfortunately she never got to wear.    I went to the Tangi (a funeral held on a Marae which is full of ritual and Maori protocol) which was held on a nasty winter's day.  As we stood beside the grave side, I noticed that my friend was wearing her sisters Italian shoes, and that she was slowly sinking into the mud.  I whispered that it was because her sister wanted to take the shoes with her and would stop at nothing.  We both started to laugh and then couldn't stop.  The more she sank into the mud, the more we laughed, and in the end had to go and stand at the back.  Every time I see her  if she wearing those shoes, I remark that her sister has managed to get them back yet.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: littlelauraj on April 12, 2011, 03:32:48 PM
Something that came up in another thread reminded me of this story, and I thought it should go here.  Someone got started on the Ed Gein story, which is super-creepy enough.  Several horror story characters have been based on his life.  Characters like Buffalo Bill and Leatherface and Norman Bates.

I know someone who used to be a librarian in the mental facility where Ed Gein was institutionalized.  She says that by the time she started working there he was fairly catatonic but one of the workers/orderlies/someone official would still bring Ed into the library on occasion.  One day this person was trying to engage Ed a little and asked if maybe he had any hobbies they could look up?  Ed thinks for a minute and perks up a little.  Very quietly he says, "I used to do upholstery!" 

Yeah, with human skin.  I think they stopped looking for a hobby that day.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: The Opinionator on April 12, 2011, 03:34:35 PM
littlelauraj, I can't decide if that's the funniest or creepiest thing I've ever read.  ;D Both, I think.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: littlelauraj on April 12, 2011, 03:54:01 PM
It's super-creepy, and I cackled like a loon when I heard it.   ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on April 12, 2011, 04:01:11 PM
It's super-creepy, and I cackled like a loon when I heard it.   ;D

So apparently I can't read today because I saw that as "cackled like a lion" and spent a good 3 minutes sitting here trying to decide what a lion might sound like if it was cackling and why exactly you would have picked a lion to cackle like instead of something that's more traditionally a cackler. 

Then I finally re-read your post.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on April 12, 2011, 04:36:56 PM
It's super-creepy, and I cackled like a loon when I heard it.   ;D

So apparently I can't read today because I saw that as "cackled like a lion" and spent a good 3 minutes sitting here trying to decide what a lion might sound like if it was cackling and why exactly you would have picked a lion to cackle like instead of something that's more traditionally a cackler. 

Then I finally re-read your post.

It's okay...I read "cracked like a loon." ::) ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: random numbers on April 12, 2011, 10:37:32 PM
Something that came up in another thread reminded me of this story, and I thought it should go here.  Someone got started on the Ed Gein story, which is super-creepy enough.  Several horror story characters have been based on his life.  Characters like Buffalo Bill and Leatherface and Norman Bates.

I know someone who used to be a librarian in the mental facility where Ed Gein was institutionalized.  She says that by the time she started working there he was fairly catatonic but one of the workers/orderlies/someone official would still bring Ed into the library on occasion.  One day this person was trying to engage Ed a little and asked if maybe he had any hobbies they could look up?  Ed thinks for a minute and perks up a little.  Very quietly he says, "I used to do upholstery!" 

Yeah, with human skin.  I think they stopped looking for a hobby that day.

I live in the Madison area (where the institution still is) and a story a friend told me once is that he knew a nurse that worked there and one day Ed said she had lovely skin.


I think I'd need a vacation after that.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: bookworm317 on April 12, 2011, 10:55:30 PM
Something that came up in another thread reminded me of this story, and I thought it should go here.  Someone got started on the Ed Gein story, which is super-creepy enough.  Several horror story characters have been based on his life.  Characters like Buffalo Bill and Leatherface and Norman Bates.

I know someone who used to be a librarian in the mental facility where Ed Gein was institutionalized.  She says that by the time she started working there he was fairly catatonic but one of the workers/orderlies/someone official would still bring Ed into the library on occasion.  One day this person was trying to engage Ed a little and asked if maybe he had any hobbies they could look up?  Ed thinks for a minute and perks up a little.  Very quietly he says, "I used to do upholstery!" 

Yeah, with human skin.  I think they stopped looking for a hobby that day.

I live in the Madison area (where the institution still is) and a story a friend told me once is that he knew a nurse that worked there and one day Ed said she had lovely skin.


I think I'd need a vacation after that.

I think I would have to quit & start a new life somewhere far, far away.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Precarious Armada on April 13, 2011, 03:16:29 AM
My late sis had a hysterical and utterly black sense of humor- she could make anything funny. Sis was always at her worst while she was trying not to break down at funerals; she kept herself from falling apart with the worst comments to me and our brothers. We were usually choking from trying not to laugh at every funeral.

Sis was 31 when she died, on a snowy/icy day in Feb. She was a larger size girl and died at home. We were all at the house and near collapse when the funeral home came to get her. Because we are family, the funeral home owner sent his 2 oldest and most senior (emphasis on senior) staff to pick her up (men who knew Sis from birth and were crying with us as they got her).

These poor poor old men load her up, take her out the door, and hit the icy, snowy slope down to the hearse. One of them falls.

They lose control of the gurney and body- which tear off down the hill, alone.

Sis (in bag) hits the ground and sleds down the hill in a dead heat with the gurney. Both slam into the side of the hearse.

FH guys are horror stricken; the one who fell has tears rolling down his face as he apologizes.

We lose it- my Aunt, brother, and I laugh until we ache, trying all the while to reassure the poor man that it is only Sis's sick sense of humor still in effect tring to keep us from collapsing under our grief.

We help put her back on the gurney with tears of laughter rather than pain on our faces.

Your Sis probably tripped the poor man  >:D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: littlelauraj on April 13, 2011, 11:11:15 AM
random numbers, that would be chilling.  You would have to laugh about something like that, wouldn't you?  Otherwise how would you get through your days? 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: siamesecat2965 on April 13, 2011, 12:54:06 PM
When I first came to New Zealand I met two sisters who became my best friends.  Sadly one of the sisters dies of cancer.  As part of her "I am not going to die" strategy, she bought herself a pair of very exquisite but expensive Italian shoes. which unfortunately she never got to wear.    I went to the Tangi (a funeral held on a Marae which is full of ritual and Maori protocol) which was held on a nasty winter's day.  As we stood beside the grave side, I noticed that my friend was wearing her sisters Italian shoes, and that she was slowly sinking into the mud.  I whispered that it was because her sister wanted to take the shoes with her and would stop at nothing.  We both started to laugh and then couldn't stop.  The more she sank into the mud, the more we laughed, and in the end had to go and stand at the back.  Every time I see her  if she wearing those shoes, I remark that her sister has managed to get them back yet.

OH that's just to funny.  Kind of reminds me of the wicked witches in THe Wizard of Oz, when the one is killed by the house, the other tries to get the ruby slilppers. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: siamesecat2965 on April 13, 2011, 12:57:01 PM
Not so much what was said, but the tone it was delivered in.

First incident, with a friend, in Kmart, at the height of Martha Stewart's queendom there.  She and I are persuing the kitchen stuff, adn she matter of factly says "that looks like the spatula my mother used to beat me with (not literally)"  I lost it right then and there.

Second one: same friend, who was telling me about her mom and her mom's Pomeranian, Peanut.  Apparetnly mom is VERY paranoid about letting Peanut out alone (she lives in AZ) so someone always has to go and watch while he does his business.  Her mom said, "the owls might get him"  Again, I was in hysterics.

the spatula incident was about 5-6 years ago, but I still laugh like a hyena whenver I think of it.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfqueen13 on April 13, 2011, 01:59:23 PM
Not so much what was said, but the tone it was delivered in.

First incident, with a friend, in Kmart, at the height of Martha Stewart's queendom there.  She and I are persuing the kitchen stuff, adn she matter of factly says "that looks like the spatula my mother used to beat me with (not literally)"  I lost it right then and there.

Second one: same friend, who was telling me about her mom and her mom's Pomeranian, Peanut.  Apparetnly mom is VERY paranoid about letting Peanut out alone (she lives in AZ) so someone always has to go and watch while he does his business.  Her mom said, "the owls might get him"  Again, I was in hysterics.

the spatula incident was about 5-6 years ago, but I still laugh like a hyena whenver I think of it.

Large owls will sometimes attack small dogs, as will coyotes.  It's not unheard of in parts of the Southwest.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: PeasNCues on April 13, 2011, 02:01:40 PM
For the SE, it's eagles, bobcats, hawks and coyotes and such. But we do often joke about such things in an evil twisted way :-D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on April 13, 2011, 04:08:04 PM
I'm glad I'm not the only one who giggles at that - and I'm am a huge pet lover!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Precarious Armada on April 14, 2011, 03:49:32 PM
For the SE, it's eagles, bobcats, hawks and coyotes and such. But we do often joke about such things in an evil twisted way :-D

As in "who knew dogs could fly?"  >:D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on April 14, 2011, 04:12:56 PM
As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on April 15, 2011, 06:41:01 PM
My cockatiel was against me self harming, she once grabbed my razor and dropped it behind my dresser, then got all "in your face" cuddly on me until i was screaming at her in frustration and trying to put her back in her cage. my mom came in, I quite indignantly confessed exactly why i was mad at the bird. I had to sit in the living room where she could watch me, and the bird got mango. (in my defense, i was nine or so, not smart enough to hide anything too well.)

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: VorFemme on April 15, 2011, 06:51:19 PM
In Florida (and possibly parts of Lousiana) I understand the small dogs have to be watched around water due to alligators........apparently "small dog" would be a great flavor to go for if you were marketing alligator treats.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on April 15, 2011, 07:09:37 PM
In Florida (and possibly parts of Lousiana) I understand the small dogs have to be watched around water due to alligators........apparently "small dog" would be a great flavor to go for if you were marketing alligator treats.

Literally LOL!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: jayhawk on April 17, 2011, 05:23:33 PM
I apologize if I've already posted this story - I'm too lazy to search for it, so there.  About 12 years ago, my husband's brother's family was visiting.  All kids were younger, so we took a trip to the local zoo.  They had a special exhibit in the rain forest of an albino crocodile (maybe aligator, I still get them mixed up).  At any rate, my SIL and were looking at him when SIL leans over and whispers to me, "That would make a great purse."  I still crack up thinking about it.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kherbert05 on April 17, 2011, 05:41:27 PM
I apologize if I've already posted this story - I'm too lazy to search for it, so there.  About 12 years ago, my husband's brother's family was visiting.  All kids were younger, so we took a trip to the local zoo.  They had a special exhibit in the rain forest of an albino crocodile (maybe aligator, I still get them mixed up).  At any rate, my SIL and were looking at him when SIL leans over and whispers to me, "That would make a great purse."  I still crack up thinking about it.

If it was the Houston Zoo Blanco is an White Alligator but not an albino. Blanco’s skin color is due to leucism, or reduction in all types of skin pigment, not just melanin.

http://www.houstonzooblogs.org/zoo/2009/06/blanco-the-white-alligator/ (http://www.houstonzooblogs.org/zoo/2009/06/blanco-the-white-alligator/)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on April 17, 2011, 05:51:19 PM
Louisville has a white gator, too, but I don't know offhand if he's leucistic or albino.  DF says he thinks albino, but it's been several years since we saw him.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kherbert05 on April 17, 2011, 06:23:09 PM
Louisville has a white gator, too, but I don't know offhand if he's leucistic or albino.  DF says he thinks albino, but it's been several years since we saw him.

When we go to the zoo Loren and Brett must visit Topper the giraffe, Baylor the Elephant, Blanco, and Mr. Melvin the man who runs the Merry-Go-Round. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: jayhawk on April 17, 2011, 07:16:37 PM
It was in Topeka, KS, but I remember it was a temporary exhibit, so maybe he traveled.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: siamesecat2965 on April 17, 2011, 07:23:02 PM
Not so much what was said, but the tone it was delivered in.

First incident, with a friend, in Kmart, at the height of Martha Stewart's queendom there.  She and I are persuing the kitchen stuff, adn she matter of factly says "that looks like the spatula my mother used to beat me with (not literally)"  I lost it right then and there.

Second one: same friend, who was telling me about her mom and her mom's Pomeranian, Peanut.  Apparetnly mom is VERY paranoid about letting Peanut out alone (she lives in AZ) so someone always has to go and watch while he does his business.  Her mom said, "the owls might get him"  Again, I was in hysterics.

the spatula incident was about 5-6 years ago, but I still laugh like a hyena whenver I think of it.

Large owls will sometimes attack small dogs, as will coyotes.  It's not unheard of in parts of the Southwest.

True, I did know that, I think what made me laugh was her tone of voice.  And the fact that my friend isn't too fond of Peanut. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: PeasNCues on April 18, 2011, 08:07:44 AM
For the SE, it's eagles, bobcats, hawks and coyotes and such. But we do often joke about such things in an evil twisted way :-D

As in "who knew dogs could fly?"  >:D
Yes, and small dogs are known as "eagle snacks" and when someone has a small dog on a leash they are going "hawk 'fishing'"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: blue2000 on April 18, 2011, 01:37:30 PM
Oh, dear! LOL!

Along the same lines, I used to know someone who called little dogs "Step-upons".
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfqueen13 on April 18, 2011, 01:58:45 PM
Oh, dear! LOL!

Along the same lines, I used to know someone who called little dogs "Step-upons".

A friend of mine, who is an avid target shooter referred to my Pom as a "beer can with fur".
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfmama on April 18, 2011, 02:13:27 PM
Oh, dear! LOL!

Along the same lines, I used to know someone who called little dogs "Step-upons".

A friend of mine, who is an avid target shooter referred to my Pom as a "beer can with fur".
I think the beer can is probably smarter than Elf is.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on April 18, 2011, 04:21:50 PM
So in the realm of things you shouldn't laugh at and dogs...

My dog was neutered very young and I'm not sure if this contributed to his problem or not, but he's afraid of his penis, specifically when it's erect.  It terrifies him.  As a baby, he would wake up and do this thing where he shot straight up and started to chase his mid-section around, chomping and trying to bite so that he could catch and destroy this poky thing.  (The one time he actually managed to catch it only reinforced his fear because he bit.  CHOMP!  Very bad.)

Now, every day at about 4:30 in the afternoon when I'm at home, he comes running into the living room on his tippy toes, back arched up away from his midsection so he looks a lot like Kokopelli, trying to avoid touching Scary Poky Thing.  And whimpering.  And crying.  BF is very sympathetic and will sit with him and rub his chest and soothe him because it upsets him that "his" dog is so scared.

Every single time it happens, part of me is just snickering to death inside because...  really?  That seems like an odd thing to inspire terror in a boy dog...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hmmmmm on April 18, 2011, 04:36:17 PM
So in the realm of things you shouldn't laugh at and dogs...

My dog was neutered very young and I'm not sure if this contributed to his problem or not, but he's afraid of his penis, specifically when it's erect.  It terrifies him.  As a baby, he would wake up and do this thing where he shot straight up and started to chase his mid-section around, chomping and trying to bite so that he could catch and destroy this poky thing.  (The one time he actually managed to catch it only reinforced his fear because he bit.  CHOMP!  Very bad.)

Now, every day at about 4:30 in the afternoon when I'm at home, he comes running into the living room on his tippy toes, back arched up away from his midsection so he looks a lot like Kokopelli, trying to avoid touching Scary Poky Thing.  And whimpering.  And crying.  BF is very sympathetic and will sit with him and rub his chest and soothe him because it upsets him that "his" dog is so scared.

Every single time it happens, part of me is just snickering to death inside because...  really?  That seems like an odd thing to inspire terror in a boy dog...

I am laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes.  This would be a youtube sensation!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kitty-cat on April 19, 2011, 09:14:20 AM
Okay, so I'm currently in the hospital right now with a broken leg from a car wreck.

I got this text message from a sister right before surgery "hope ur surge goes well and break a leg. oh wait, u already did :P "

i love my sisters.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: CuriousGeorge on April 19, 2011, 02:10:56 PM
As some of you may remember, my marriage fell apart last year and we are now officially divorced (extremely amicable, we get along just fine, everything's OK now).

We sat our son down a while back to tell him what was happening.  He is 8 years old and big into video games just like his papa.

So we got done telling him what was going to happen as we sold the house and how he would be living in 2 different homes but that we would still be together sometimes and did he have any questions?  Fears?  Etc.?

He sat completely stone-faced during the entire thing - didn't show any emotion, etc.  I had no idea what to expect.  So my ex and I got done explaining everything and asked him what he was thinking.  My hand to god, his exact words were:  "I just have one question: who gets the xbox and who gets the wii?"

I couldn't help it, I looked up at my ex and saw him trying not to laugh and I lost it.  Here I was all worried that I was scarring our son for life and his biggest concern appeared to be who was getting which video game system. 

(For the record, by the way, he's asked a few other questions about it since then that involve more than just electronics, but he otherwise seems to be handling things really well so far.)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on April 19, 2011, 02:27:42 PM
Louisville has a white gator, too, but I don't know offhand if he's leucistic or albino.  DF says he thinks albino, but it's been several years since we saw him.

Albino. DH and I were there last August and I remember seeing him.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 19, 2011, 02:43:25 PM
"I just have one question: who gets the xbox and who gets the wii?"

That has me laughing, too.   :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: violinp on April 19, 2011, 04:26:17 PM
My grandma died in March of last year, and I had to go to her house for the funeral.

BG for 1st 2 stories: My grandma died the Tuesday before my birthday, and was buried the day before my birthday. I got to, for the latest of only 4 times in my life, see my Aunt (Dad's sister) and I met my aunt's partner, Ruth*, for the first time - a little awkward, as I'd only learned my aunt was lesbian a few years prior. [/end BG]

At the funeral home, I was kinda trying to avoid people, because I'm naturally very shy and awkward around people I don't know well (Most of my dad's "family" I'd had no contact with since infancy). Since Ruth didn't know anyone at all, she and I ended up sitting together for a while. We made small talk, and I mentioned that my birthday was the next day. Ruth said, "Oh, well...happy birthday." We both looked at each other, and then cracked up.
**
At the house, we were cataloging lots of stuff, and Ruth and I got paired up. We went into the garage, where Grandma had a meat freezer (like this: http://thethriftycouple.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/freezer.jpg (http://thethriftycouple.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/freezer.jpg)). I've watched Law and Order and CSI way too much...so I say, "You wanna open that?  ;D," to which Ruth replies, "Naaaah, I think we've seen enough bodies for one day." We both died laughing right there.

3rd story (still related to my Grandma)
At the funeral home, I talked with my maternal grandma (my mom's parents came because my grandpa was performing the service), and my gran complained about how there were so many flowers - "What a waste," she said. I leaned over to her and whispered, "I say burn 'em." We both doubled over laughing.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Slartibartfast on April 20, 2011, 12:48:01 AM
At the house, we were cataloging lots of stuff, and Ruth and I got paired up. We went into the garage, where Grandma had a meat freezer (like this: http://thethriftycouple.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/freezer.jpg (http://thethriftycouple.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/freezer.jpg)). I've watched Law and Order and CSI way too much...so I say, "You wanna open that?  ;D," to which Ruth replies, "Naaaah, I think we've seen enough bodies for one day." We both died laughing right there.

This reminded me of one  :P  (Warning: potentially squicky!)  A few years back I was involved in a K-9 search-and-rescue team - we trained once or twice a week and occasionally got called out to find missing hikers, lost kids, drunk idiots who went "bridge diving" and never re-surfaced after hitting the water, etc.  Because live search and cadaver search are very different to the dog, we trained the dogs using people hiding (for live) and either sticks dipped in cadaver chemicals or actual bones/tissue (for cadaver searches).

Our head trainer, Alex, had a house fire which completely gutted his home and killed all but one of his dogs while he was at work  :'(  I and several other team members went over there soon after the fire was out to help him sort which things were salvageable and which weren't.  The garage, in particular, was toast.

Alex's father Bob was also involved with the team, and was going through the house with the insurance guy to note the damage.  They got to the deep freeze in the garage and Bob suggested the insurance guy not open it.  The insurance guy opened it anyway.  Turns out it was where Alex kept the cadaver sticks and the other "training materials" - which had now been sitting in a hot box for 8+ hours on a hot day.  The smell was enough to clear the lot.

Two "things you shouldn't laugh at":

1) There was a different insurance guy the next day.  I suspect the first one wasn't entirely sure what to make of finding a freezer full of cadaver.

2) As I heard the story later, Bob was telling how amazing it was that his knee was cold.  It took a while before it clicked - Bob had knee replacement surgery a few months prior.  He requested that he get to keep the knee for training use.  His cold knee was not attached to the rest of him and was, in fact, in the deep freeze at the time.  I don't know how I finally pieced it together, but I absolutely lost it, about ten minutes later into his story.  I was laughing too hard to explain why I suddenly thought Alex's house burning down and killing his dogs was funny  :-X
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: afbluebelle on May 08, 2011, 02:27:32 PM
Totally different thread reminded me of the greatness that is this one. The safest place on the forums for my brand of humor =P
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ceiling Fan on May 08, 2011, 02:38:30 PM
Totally different thread reminded me of the greatness that is this one. The safest place on the forums for my brand of humor =P

Absolutely.

I just got caught up on this thread and my sides hurt.

Vomit, poo, maggots, radiation, and CANNIBALS(ZOMG!) what's not to love?

(Did I mention that my sides are aching?)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Nora on May 08, 2011, 03:54:54 PM
When I was a kid, my mom and I lived in a very rural part of Norway. Once, we where walking along a forest path with our dachshund, and an eagle thought "ooooh, SNACK!" and scooped down from the sky. Thisclose to the dog the eagle realized that Femke (the dog) was on the chubby side of snack, and flew back up. Dog never noticed, but mom and I just about died laughing.  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on May 08, 2011, 11:04:31 PM
Oh, I have one from before Easter! 

I was with my daughter at Target and we ran into the DVD section to see if there was anything we might want there.  Saw that the AMC series The Walking Dead was on sale and I asked DD if she'd seen it yet.  If not, I said, I would get it for her and put it in her Easter basket. 

Shouldn't laugh at this:
And then I started giggling uncontrollably and said "Because nothing says 'resurrected Lord' like zombies..."

REALLY shouldn't laugh at this:
And while we were both standing there snorking in the aisle, I heard a horrified <gasp> and there was an older man staring at me in complete shock.  I slapped a hand over my mouth and started to apologize, although really...  there is NO WAY to apologize for something that inappropriate if you've offended someone.  Especially since my DD collapsed onto the floor hollering "BUSTED!" while her 3 year old son kept demanding "Mommy, why are you laughing at Gramma???"

And yes, I did get the series and put it in the basket.  And yes, she felt compelled to tell that story during Easter dinner to all our family.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Slartibartfast on May 09, 2011, 12:55:10 AM
Oh, I have one from before Easter! 

I was with my daughter at Target and we ran into the DVD section to see if there was anything we might want there.  Saw that the AMC series The Walking Dead was on sale and I asked DD if she'd seen it yet.  If not, I said, I would get it for her and put it in her Easter basket. 

Shouldn't laugh at this:
And then I started giggling uncontrollably and said "Because nothing says 'resurrected Lord' like zombies..."

REALLY shouldn't laugh at this:
And while we were both standing there snorking in the aisle, I heard a horrified <gasp> and there was an older man staring at me in complete shock.  I slapped a hand over my mouth and started to apologize, although really...  there is NO WAY to apologize for something that inappropriate if you've offended someone.  Especially since my DD collapsed onto the floor hollering "BUSTED!" while her 3 year old son kept demanding "Mommy, why are you laughing at Gramma???"

And yes, I did get the series and put it in the basket.  And yes, she felt compelled to tell that story during Easter dinner to all our family.

You really, REALLY need to see Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0311361/).  (The power of Christ impales you!)  It's a fantastically awful movie, well into the "so bad it's good" category - a 1980's style kung fu musical about how Jesus Christ comes back from the dead to kill the vampires who are mysteriously preying on Canadian lesbians.  (Because nobody would miss the lesbians, apparently.)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on May 09, 2011, 09:14:50 AM
You really, REALLY need to see Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0311361/).  (The power of Christ impales you!)  It's a fantastically awful movie, well into the "so bad it's good" category - a 1980's style kung fu musical about how Jesus Christ comes back from the dead to kill the vampires who are mysteriously preying on Canadian lesbians.  (Because nobody would miss the lesbians, apparently.)

Oh, I have that one!!!  And someone misses the lesbians because there's that one scene where the front page of the paper has an article on the mysterious lesbian shortage...  Which made me laugh until I cried.  I had this one in the "Worst Movies" thread because I couldn't figure out if it's really bad or REALLY good. 

My favorite scene is the ninja clown car, where the teeny little car disgorges a seemingly unending flow of ninjas.

Power of Christ impales you...  <snork>
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on May 09, 2011, 08:22:59 PM
I was talking to a co-worker today, whose first language is not english. Sometimes he struggles with words that are similar, but mean totally different things.

Like today, for instance, when he was describing to me a run-in he'd had with a rather crazy SS individual. He said to me, very seriously, "LadyClaire, I am certain that she was psychic."

I sort of blinked for a few seconds and thought "did she read tarot cards? predict your future? read your thoughts?" before I realized that he meant to say she was psycho.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on May 10, 2011, 06:14:13 AM
I was talking to a co-worker today, whose first language is not english. Sometimes he struggles with words that are similar, but mean totally different things.

Like today, for instance, when he was describing to me a run-in he'd had with a rather crazy SS individual. He said to me, very seriously, "LadyClaire, I am certain that she was psychic."

I sort of blinked for a few seconds and thought "did she read tarot cards? predict your future? read your thoughts?" before I realized that he meant to say she was psycho.

It's like Ziva on NCIS!

Ziva: I would hate to be misunderstood.
Fornell: Does that happen often?
Ziva: Once in a BLUE LAGOON.

;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Information_queen on May 10, 2011, 09:24:50 PM
So we're in the middle of a huge flood around here, right? Lots of tragedy, people losing their homes, landmarks under feet of water.

And then I saw this, posted by the "Memphis TN Great Flood of 2011":
Quote
Breaking News: Memphis Fire Department on the scene at West Illinois Ave where fire fighters are working to anchor a 1.5 million gallon tank of non-hazardous soy bean product from escaping into the Mississippi River.

We couldn't help it, we cracked up.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ceiling Fan on May 10, 2011, 09:57:25 PM
I hope this doesn't offend, but this thread is always good for a laugh: Zombie Jesus (suddenly, so much about Cristianity is made clear ;D), 'blue lagoon', you guys are killing me ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Schmoopie3928 on May 12, 2011, 11:31:54 PM
Very sad day for me a few months ago but amongst the tears were gales of laughter.
DH and I had to have kitty put to sleep. She was battling cancer and one day stopped eating. She had wasted away to only 3.6 lbs so you can imagine how thin she was. We took her in and the Vet was a very sweet woman I had never met. She was asking questions and I answered about her eating/bathroom habits. I mentioned she had the worst gas I ever encountered in a cat. She obviously shared my love of dark humor, b/c when she was going to give her the shot to "relax" her, She was leaning over her and said "poor baby, you are just nothing but skin and bones" Then she wrinkled her nose and said "And Farts"
I'm sure it was in part because DH and I were so upset, But DH and I fell into fits of laughter. So here we are, Laughing and crying and choking over our poor kitty. Things got really sad after that, but I'm so thankful to the vet for breaking the tension in the air.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on May 13, 2011, 09:42:20 AM
I'm sure it was in part because DH and I were so upset, But DH and I fell into fits of laughter. So here we are, Laughing and crying and choking over our poor kitty. Things got really sad after that, but I'm so thankful to the vet for breaking the tension in the air.

So sorry about your kitty.  Because that's really sad.

But here's what I read:

Things got really sad after that, but I'm so thankful to the vet for breaking wind.

I don't know how.  But it just killed me.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: guihong on May 13, 2011, 10:31:43 AM
Very sad day for me a few months ago but amongst the tears were gales of laughter.
DH and I had to have kitty put to sleep. She was battling cancer and one day stopped eating. She had wasted away to only 3.6 lbs so you can imagine how thin she was. We took her in and the Vet was a very sweet woman I had never met. She was asking questions and I answered about her eating/bathroom habits. I mentioned she had the worst gas I ever encountered in a cat. She obviously shared my love of dark humor, b/c when she was going to give her the shot to "relax" her, She was leaning over her and said "poor baby, you are just nothing but skin and bones" Then she wrinkled her nose and said "And Farts"
I'm sure it was in part because DH and I were so upset, But DH and I fell into fits of laughter. So here we are, Laughing and crying and choking over our poor kitty. Things got really sad after that, but I'm so thankful to the vet for breaking the tension in the air.

Oh Schmoopie, the big white floofy kitty :(? 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Schmoopie3928 on May 13, 2011, 03:54:59 PM
I'm sure it was in part because DH and I were so upset, But DH and I fell into fits of laughter. So here we are, Laughing and crying and choking over our poor kitty. Things got really sad after that, but I'm so thankful to the vet for breaking the tension in the air.

So sorry about your kitty.  Because that's really sad.

But here's what I read:

Things got really sad after that, but I'm so thankful to the vet for breaking wind.

I don't know how.  But it just killed me.


Now that was hilarious! ;D
Very sad day for me a few months ago but amongst the tears were gales of laughter.
DH and I had to have kitty put to sleep. She was battling cancer and one day stopped eating. She had wasted away to only 3.6 lbs so you can imagine how thin she was. We took her in and the Vet was a very sweet woman I had never met. She was asking questions and I answered about her eating/bathroom habits. I mentioned she had the worst gas I ever encountered in a cat. She obviously shared my love of dark humor, b/c when she was going to give her the shot to "relax" her, She was leaning over her and said "poor baby, you are just nothing but skin and bones" Then she wrinkled her nose and said "And Farts"
I'm sure it was in part because DH and I were so upset, But DH and I fell into fits of laughter. So here we are, Laughing and crying and choking over our poor kitty. Things got really sad after that, but I'm so thankful to the vet for breaking the tension in the air.

Oh Schmoopie, the big white floofy kitty :(? 
No, She is happily living with a close friend. It was the thin grey tortie She was actually DH's, But came to live with me before we were married then we all moved to Chicago together.
(http://i244.photobucket.com/albums/gg30/schmoopie3928/n506523679_1152350_3821.jpg) (http://i244.photobucket.com/albums/gg30/schmoopie3928/HPIM2080.jpg)
Here she is. She was a sweet girl, but we are happy she's at peace.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sirius on May 15, 2011, 01:23:23 PM
So we're in the middle of a huge flood around here, right? Lots of tragedy, people losing their homes, landmarks under feet of water.

And then I saw this, posted by the "Memphis TN Great Flood of 2011":
Quote
Breaking News: Memphis Fire Department on the scene at West Illinois Ave where fire fighters are working to anchor a 1.5 million gallon tank of non-hazardous soy bean product from escaping into the Mississippi River.

We couldn't help it, we cracked up.

I read this to Mr. Sirius, who said, "A tofu barge?"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on May 17, 2011, 12:55:38 PM
My Mom had breast cancer when she was 40, and was not a candidate for reconstructive surgery after she had a single mastectomy. She wears a prosthesis, but only when she goes out..when she's at home she tends to not bother with it.

One day after she came home from the grocery store she pulled her prosthesis out and laid it on her night stand. Mom has a cat by the name of Murray, who is a bit of a thief..he will steal anything he can carry and run off with it. Mom had called me about something, when suddenly I hear her yell "MURRAY! DROP MY BOOB RIGHT NOW YOU %$# CAT!!!"

Apparently Murray had grabbed her prosthesis and had taken off down the hall with it. Luckily he didn't puncture it. Mom started putting it away in her closet after that.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on May 17, 2011, 01:17:04 PM
You're entirely right, one shouldn't laugh at that.

So why does my stomach hurt just a bit now, and my own cats are looking sideways at me?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on May 17, 2011, 01:49:48 PM
You're entirely right, one shouldn't laugh at that.

So why does my stomach hurt just a bit now, and my own cats are looking sideways at me?

It was pretty darned funny. Even Mom was laughing about it once she made sure he hadn't damaged the prosthesis.

Another funny prosthesis story:

I have a work event coming up..a gala. I am not the most well endowed of women, and when it comes to fancy dresses I never, ever fill them out at the top. So for my gala dress I had to get a padded uber push-up bra, and a pair of those realistic looking gel inserts so that I'd fill out the bodice of the dress (the sad thing is that even with all the padding and push-ups, I still don't have proper cleavage).

DH came home as I was trying on the dress, complete with uber-bra and inserts. As I pulled one of the inserts out of the bra, he got a horrified look on his face and asked "Did you borrow your Mom's..you know..her...thingies??? Oh my god, you did! You're wearing your Mom's boobs!"

I realized that he thought I had borrowed my Mom's prosthesis and spare prosthesis to give myself the needed boobage boost.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: lipli on May 17, 2011, 01:53:22 PM
The breast cancer survivor story reminded me of this.  I use to volunteer with a cancer non-profit.  They had fake body parts that had cancer as a teaching agent for what cancer in that body part feels like.  We were getting ready to do a class and I was getting the correct body parts (it was a women's group - so I needed a boob).  I was playing with it trying to find the cancer and I couldn't.  I took it to one of instructors and she couldn't find it.  A few more people tried and the cancer was gone!!!!  So somehow this piece of silicone cured itself of cancer.  Of course, we dissolved into giggles.  The one time you don't want the cancer to be cured, it disappears.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on May 17, 2011, 03:03:44 PM
In college, I went out dancing once with a group of friends from our drama club.  One guy picked up the woman he was dancing with and spun her...and her artificial leg flew off.

You've never seen a dance floor clear so quickly.  (I got the leg and helped her put it back on.)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on May 17, 2011, 03:30:52 PM
You live in a sitcom, don't you?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on May 17, 2011, 03:41:37 PM
DH came home as I was trying on the dress, complete with uber-bra and inserts. As I pulled one of the inserts out of the bra, he got a horrified look on his face and asked "Did you borrow your Mom's..you know..her...thingies??? Oh my god, you did! You're wearing your Mom's boobs!"

And this line is solid comedic gold.  I just choked on my water and wasn't quite sure I was going to make it out without needing resuscitation here...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on May 17, 2011, 06:18:18 PM
DH came home as I was trying on the dress, complete with uber-bra and inserts. As I pulled one of the inserts out of the bra, he got a horrified look on his face and asked "Did you borrow your Mom's..you know..her...thingies??? Oh my god, you did! You're wearing your Mom's boobs!"

And this line is solid comedic gold.  I just choked on my water and wasn't quite sure I was going to make it out without needing resuscitation here...

I was telling my Mom about it and she thought it was absolutely hilarious. She said "I wonder what bothered him about it? Was it the idea that he was seeing his MIL's boob, even if it's a fake one?"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on May 17, 2011, 06:42:34 PM
I can't remember if I told this one or not...

I was organizing a youth camp and we were having a pirate theme.

My husband was helping set up the database for registration night and he was at the venue with me.
One of the other organizers stopped to talk and he noticed her limp and said "Wow, you're really getting into this pirate thing, aren't you?"

Cue me saying "Uh...hon? She's got an artificial leg...."

Hubby went beet red and the other lady and I busted up laughing. She said that had she had the time, she'd planned on making a pirate style peg leg for the event.  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LazyDaisy on May 17, 2011, 06:49:27 PM
DH came home as I was trying on the dress, complete with uber-bra and inserts. As I pulled one of the inserts out of the bra, he got a horrified look on his face and asked "Did you borrow your Mom's..you know..her...thingies??? Oh my god, you did! You're wearing your Mom's boobs!"

And this line is solid comedic gold.  I just choked on my water and wasn't quite sure I was going to make it out without needing resuscitation here...

I was telling my Mom about it and she thought it was absolutely hilarious. She said "I wonder what bothered him about it? Was it the idea that he was seeing his MIL's boob, even if it's a fake one?"

In some way, aren't we all "wearing" our mom's boobs?   :P   That sort of physical attribute would be inherited, with maybe some slight alteration by our father's genetic contribution.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on May 17, 2011, 06:59:39 PM
DH came home as I was trying on the dress, complete with uber-bra and inserts. As I pulled one of the inserts out of the bra, he got a horrified look on his face and asked "Did you borrow your Mom's..you know..her...thingies??? Oh my god, you did! You're wearing your Mom's boobs!"

And this line is solid comedic gold.  I just choked on my water and wasn't quite sure I was going to make it out without needing resuscitation here...

I was telling my Mom about it and she thought it was absolutely hilarious. She said "I wonder what bothered him about it? Was it the idea that he was seeing his MIL's boob, even if it's a fake one?"

In some way, aren't we all "wearing" our mom's boobs?   :P   That sort of physical attribute would be inherited, with maybe some slight alteration by our father's genetic contribution.

If I tell that to DH, his head would probably explode and he would never look my mother in the eye again.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on May 17, 2011, 10:27:38 PM
DH came home as I was trying on the dress, complete with uber-bra and inserts. As I pulled one of the inserts out of the bra, he got a horrified look on his face and asked "Did you borrow your Mom's..you know..her...thingies??? Oh my god, you did! You're wearing your Mom's boobs!"

And this line is solid comedic gold.  I just choked on my water and wasn't quite sure I was going to make it out without needing resuscitation here...

I was telling my Mom about it and she thought it was absolutely hilarious. She said "I wonder what bothered him about it? Was it the idea that he was seeing his MIL's boob, even if it's a fake one?"

In some way, aren't we all "wearing" our mom's boobs?   :P   That sort of physical attribute would be inherited, with maybe some slight alteration by our father's genetic contribution.

If I tell that to DH, his head would probably explode and he would never look my mother in the eye again.

Clearly, there is but one course of action.

Tell him.  Tape it.  We'll pay you to see it.    :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: amandaelizabeth on May 18, 2011, 05:51:41 PM
I have a friend who has an artificial leg, and she also patchworks.  The connection between the two?  Well the piece of her leg above the knee is made of foam rubber, and she uses it as a pin cushion.  Which is great, but every so often she forgets and uses the wrong leg ...............
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on May 18, 2011, 06:44:42 PM
Middle Daughter and I were working on a project in the garage.

The garage floor is made of (very slippery) polished cement.

Daughter found an old pair of crutches and was playing around with them.

I just looked at her and said "If you fall and break your ankle, I *will* take you to the hospital, but I will laugh my head off when I explain to them that you hurt yourself while using crutches."

She decided that maybe it wasn't a good place to play with crutches after all... :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Slartibartfast on May 18, 2011, 07:22:52 PM
I have a friend who has an artificial leg, and she also patchworks.  The connection between the two?  Well the piece of her leg above the knee is made of foam rubber, and she uses it as a pin cushion.  Which is great, but every so often she forgets and uses the wrong leg ...............

DH is now staring at me while I giggle hysterically.  I love this mental image!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on May 18, 2011, 07:25:20 PM
"I am not interested in death! The only thing that concerns me is the preservation of life!"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on May 18, 2011, 07:45:22 PM
"I am not interested in death! The only thing that concerns me is the preservation of life!"

"Class......is...dismissed."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Fleur-de-Lis on May 19, 2011, 11:00:05 AM
Well, not *laugh* at, really, but probably shouldn't *wonder*.  I work in San Francisco, and window washing platforms are a common sight, along with caution tape and hazard cones warning of work overhead. 

Today there was a rope hanging down from the platform. 

I really wondered what it's anchored to and what would happen if one (assuming one had the skill/stamina (which may be an impossibility) were to climb that rope. 

That's what I get for watching bad boys and writing fanfic about them.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hermanne on May 19, 2011, 12:44:10 PM
A mom at our playgroup told this one:

It was at a baptism, and the start time coincided with the baby's nursing time. The parents explained it to the priest as they were getting ready. He said no problem, he could work around it.

So he starts the ceremony with, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to breast... BLESS! Bless this child!..."

He was beet red. And they got it on video, complete with very clear audio. ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on May 19, 2011, 02:49:38 PM
The crutches story reminded me of this one.

DD and I were on a rampage cleaning the house one day.  We were cleaning the wooden spindle posts on the staircase, she was on the lower set of stairs and I was on the higher ones.  We'd been working at it for a while and were probably getting bored, which is A Very Bad Thing.

One of us (I'm honestly not sure I can remember who started it now, but I'll say it was DD!) started getting liberal with the spray bottle of wood cleaner and next thing you know, we're having a spray bottle war up and down the stairs until ZAP! DD sprays me smack in the face, and I get an eyeful of sudsy water.  Exceptionally unpleasant.  I decide that this is the perfect time to lay my clever trap so I yell and holler and am trying to make this into a really big deal and lure her into coming up to check on me, at which time I will soak her completely.

I hadn't counted on the fact that she's a terrible, heartless child.  There's complete silence for a second as she takes in the fact that she's just sprayed me in the face and then she says, with complete seriousness, "You know, Mom...  it's all fun and games until someone gets sprayed in the eye."  And then bursts into hysterical laughter.

It still makes me giggle.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: starofwinter on May 20, 2011, 10:48:07 PM
I'm currently listening to my father try to program a voice-activated alarm clock.  It's been ten minutes, and he just.can't.make.it.work.  I have tears in my eyes as I try not to laugh too loudly.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Shea on May 20, 2011, 11:02:44 PM
A mom at our playgroup told this one:

It was at a baptism, and the start time coincided with the baby's nursing time. The parents explained it to the priest as they were getting ready. He said no problem, he could work around it.

So he starts the ceremony with, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to breast... BLESS! Bless this child!..."

He was beet red. And they got it on video, complete with very clear audio. ;D

The poor priest! How one earth does one manage to baptize a baby while s/he's nursing?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Black Delphinium on May 22, 2011, 04:37:14 PM
I was joking the other night that my co-worker Rory was "raised by wolves". However, my co-worker Martin, who was working a few isles over apparently heard me say that Rory was "r@ped by wolves".
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Lysistrata on May 23, 2011, 02:17:28 AM
DH and I went to see the new Pirates movie on Friday night (loved it!). When we got home, we noticed that our always-hyper dog (chihuahua/dachshund mix) wasn't acting normal, she was very subdued and just wanted to lay on us the rest of the night. All day yesterday, same thing- she just wasn't herself but didn't show any outward signs of illness. We thought she just had an upset stomach or something (it's happened before, and she was fine a day or so later).

This morning, however, when she tried to walk, her back legs were sliding all over the place. She could barely stand still without her back end swaying, and walked as if she were drunk. Her front end would go straight, but her butt would go left or right, sometimes far enough that she'd slip and end up sitting while she was trying to walk. So, we loaded her into the car and headed for the after-hours vet. They determined it was the beginnings of Canine Disc Disease, really common in doxies, and they've got her on some meds for a couple of weeks, after which they'll check on how she's doing.

When the dog was about to have X-rays done, the vet let us know it would be about an hour, so DH & I decided to grab some lunch and come back. We didn't talk much on the way to eat, both still wondering what was wrong with Hyper Dog, how she was dealing with being at the vet's without us around, etc.

Suddenly my husband pipes up with, "You know, we went to see the Pirates movie and came home to Jack Sparrow!"

I laughed. I felt guilty, but he's right, that's exactly what she walks like.  :)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hermanne on May 23, 2011, 10:14:33 AM
A mom at our playgroup told this one:

It was at a baptism, and the start time coincided with the baby's nursing time. The parents explained it to the priest as they were getting ready. He said no problem, he could work around it.

So he starts the ceremony with, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to breast... BLESS! Bless this child!..."

He was beet red. And they got it on video, complete with very clear audio. ;D

The poor priest! How one earth does one manage to baptize a baby while s/he's nursing?

I think the nursing session ended shortly before they started or very soon after. If the latter, I wonder how the mom was able to "pull herself together" after baby was done, if she was standing at the baptismal font. I always had to find some sort of privacy for that part!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Íkorna on May 23, 2011, 03:08:29 PM
My mother and I attended a Good Friday mass together two years ago. We're relatively non-denominational, and at that point we were trying different kinds of churches. I grew up going to the local Catholic church so I already knew just how solemn these Good Friday masses tend to be-- this particular one started with the priest entering with no music (usually a hymn is sung throughout the procession) and going onto his hands and knees before the cross, actually placing his forehead onto the ground. So, yeah, seriously not the place to crack a joke.

In my defense, I did not expect my mother to get absolutely uncontrollable giggles in a packed, silent church when I brought it to her attention that according to the sign next to the altar the hymn we were to sing later on was entitled 'Behold the Wood'.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on May 23, 2011, 03:12:04 PM
I went to church with my mom the day the new assistant pastor was to start.

When the litany started from the back: "This is the day the Lord has made..." we heard his voice for the first time. Bless his heart, he sounded *exactly* like Marvin the Martian.

I whispered to her, "Where's the ka-boom?"  She nearly lost it, and told me later that it took several months to get over it.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Íkorna on May 23, 2011, 03:24:03 PM
I went to church with my mom the day the new assistant pastor was to start.

When the litany started from the back: "This is the day the Lord has made..." we heard his voice for the first time. Bless his heart, he sounded *exactly* like Marvin the Martian.

I whispered to her, "Where's the ka-boom?"  She nearly lost it, and told me later that it took several months to get over it.

You're reminding me of a relative whose church's pastor sounds a bit like Elmer Fudd ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on May 23, 2011, 03:46:30 PM
My mother and I attended a Good Friday mass together two years ago. We're relatively non-denominational, and at that point we were trying different kinds of churches. I grew up going to the local Catholic church so I already knew just how solemn these Good Friday masses tend to be-- this particular one started with the priest entering with no music (usually a hymn is sung throughout the procession) and going onto his hands and knees before the cross, actually placing his forehead onto the ground. So, yeah, seriously not the place to crack a joke.

In my defense, I did not expect my mother to get absolutely uncontrollable giggles in a packed, silent church when I brought it to her attention that according to the sign next to the altar the hymn we were to sing later on was entitled 'Behold the Wood'.

Went to Good Friday mass this year and halfway through the Stations of the Cross, got this one stuck in my head:

Station 13...  Jesus fakes a leg cramp.

I almost had to leave, I was giggling so hard. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Outdoor Girl on May 23, 2011, 04:01:57 PM
Anybody else picture the wedding scene in 'The Princess Bride' while watching the Royal Wedding?

Yeah, that was good for a few giggles.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Shea on May 23, 2011, 04:39:13 PM
Anybody else picture the wedding scene in 'The Princess Bride' while watching the Royal Wedding?

Yeah, that was good for a few giggles.

Mawwige...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on May 23, 2011, 04:49:20 PM
Anybody else picture the wedding scene in 'The Princess Bride' while watching the Royal Wedding?

Yeah, that was good for a few giggles.

Mawwige...

Twoo Wuv...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on May 23, 2011, 04:50:18 PM
Anybody else picture the wedding scene in 'The Princess Bride' while watching the Royal Wedding?

Yeah, that was good for a few giggles.

Mawwige...

Mawwidge is what bwings us twogevvew...  today.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Information_queen on May 23, 2011, 06:34:46 PM
I should probably not get the giggles over the dents left in my sunburned skin when I poke it.

That hasn't stopped me yet.

And one for the 'don't do that' thread: If you're going to be a pirate woman for the day, wearing clothes that uncover skin that is usually covered, don't go outside for 4 hours without sunscreen! This concludes our Public Service Announcement. Now back to your regularly scheduled internet.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Carnation on May 24, 2011, 04:57:27 PM
My mother and I attended a Good Friday mass together two years ago. We're relatively non-denominational, and at that point we were trying different kinds of churches. I grew up going to the local Catholic church so I already knew just how solemn these Good Friday masses tend to be-- this particular one started with the priest entering with no music (usually a hymn is sung throughout the procession) and going onto his hands and knees before the cross, actually placing his forehead onto the ground. So, yeah, seriously not the place to crack a joke.

In my defense, I did not expect my mother to get absolutely uncontrollable giggles in a packed, silent church when I brought it to her attention that according to the sign next to the altar the hymn we were to sing later on was entitled 'Behold the Wood'.

During Easter Vigil, people went up to kiss a big wooden cross held by the altar boy.  We had never seen that before.  My OCD family tried not to crack up.

Then there was the candle light vigil with the guy on oxygen. :o
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on May 24, 2011, 05:10:04 PM
I fear I am a bad person. Because this situation still makes me laugh like a loon. So i submit to eHell, how bad is it that this whole thing made me laugh?

First i will introduce the players:

Mandy and Courtney, MALE identical twins who also happened to be albino. As in long white hair, pinkish eyes. (they are also breathtakingly physically perfect, at least I think so. I have some pictures of them that still make me giggle like the demented schoolgirl I once was.)

B, who has CP and yet was one of the fastest runners in our school. In a walker. Oh, and she thinks that anyone who dares lose to her should then be taunted for eternity with "So.... you got your donkey handed to you by a "ripple-with-a-C" ya know..."

Me, Kimmie.

and

L, a football player. he's also pretty cool in his own right, but is more my aquaintance than a friend. He married B, and claims she wears the pants in the house.

School was over for the day, and it was super wet, so i went to the gym, and Mandy was sitting on the bleachers with his eyes shut, wearing all white (which was a strange habit of his. he just really liked white. And hunter green.) I walked over and sat by him, confused, and he sat giggling softly, but not moving. I poked him, and he just kept giggling. So I finally demanded to know what he was doing. Without moving or opening his eyes, and in a patronizing tone he replied

"I am invisible, OBVIOUSLY."

I couldn't stop laughing.

Be came over soon,a nd I told her that Mandy was invisible. She snickered and asked how it was I could see him. I told her I wa smagic, and that she could tell he was there because I was talking to him. Then she got in a funny.

"I just assumed you were talking to the imaginary friends again."

Mandy: Buuuuurn things.... and you are Napoleon! (pronounced Nah poolee ahhn!)

So we three sat snickering, as Courtney came in (dressed fairly normally I guess I don't remember what he wore) and sat beside his brother.

To recap:   !B!Kimmie!Mandy!Courtney!

And then L came in and blinked at us. B told him Mandy was invisible. So he blinked, looked up and down and said "Okay. So we've got a {ripple with a c], a crazy, a ghost and... what is Courtney?

At which Courtney smirked and said "Courtney is a LAYDEEEE"

I have no clue why Courtney was a lady, but I laughed until i was sure I would wet myself.

And yet I'm pretty sure none of this should have really been funny.

So Ehellions, anything you think is funny but deep down know was probably wrong on multiple levels?

I'm at work trying not to go into hysterics, and I can imagine how much better it was IRL.

"Courtney is a LAYDEEEE..."  *snerk!*
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: PeasNCues on May 25, 2011, 06:27:19 AM
In my freshman year of college, we were eating in the dining facilities with a bunch of other freshmen. We were in the "get to know each other" stage. One of our group was going on about how she was colorblind. And I mean she dominated the conversation with the colorblindness for way too long.

Suddenly, my roommate (who was african american) interrupted her and said, "Colorblind, huh?" The girl nodded, confused. Roommate then said very slowly and seriously, "Laura... I'm black."

We were ROLLING
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on May 25, 2011, 03:45:44 PM
In my freshman year of college, we were eating in the dining facilities with a bunch of other freshmen. We were in the "get to know each other" stage. One of our group was going on about how she was colorblind. And I mean she dominated the conversation with the colorblindness for way too long.

Suddenly, my roommate (who was african american) interrupted her and said, "Colorblind, huh?" The girl nodded, confused. Roommate then said very slowly and seriously, "Laura... I'm black."

We were ROLLING

Oh, that is just priceless.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: purplemuse on May 26, 2011, 03:54:31 AM
I have a manga Bible (basically a Bible with manga-style comics interspersed throughout). I was really tired one morning between Church and Sunday School, and started flipping through the manga sections.

I knew I needed a nap when I read one of the speech bubbles as Jesus saying "In the name of my Fathead..." (instead of "Father")
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kitty-cat on May 26, 2011, 11:56:47 AM
I have a manga Bible (basically a Bible with manga-style comics interspersed throughout). I was really tired one morning between Church and Sunday School, and started flipping through the manga sections.

I knew I needed a nap when I read one of the speech bubbles as Jesus saying "In the name of my Fathead..." (instead of "Father")

Pretty sure it's already in this thread but:

I think in my head "Have a little priest" from Sweeney Todd when the Host is being presented. Not so good to keep from laughing at Midnight Mass.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Samantha on May 26, 2011, 12:03:49 PM
Talking to Rainha on the phone last night, and it was mentioned that she'd had several visits from members of different churches in the area yesterday. Some of them had previously left papers in the door... which she found on Easter Sunday. She didn't feel right throwing them away on Easter, so she put them in the pantry.

I told her that she needs a welcome mat that says something along the lines of "Please don't leave Jesus on the doorstep."

Part of me is now tempted to get her a little Jesus statue to put on the porch, for her housewarming gift. :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on May 26, 2011, 01:02:20 PM
The Easter thing wouldn't normally have been a problem (I generally have no issue just tossing that stuff), but that particular tract had a big, smiling picture of Jesus on the front.  I'm not at all religious, but I couldn't bring myself to throw Jesus away on Easter, you know?  So I did what anybody would do when faced with an untossable Jesus when trying to frantically get everything together to host her first major holiday - I put Jesus in the pantry and promptly forgot about him.  Now, I keep going into the pantry, and there's Jesus!  It always manages to happen when I'm on the phone or something, and since I talk to myself a lot, there's usually some exclamation about forgetting that Jesus was still in the pantry.  You can imagine how that goes over ;D  So now, when I get these religious people trying to get me to visit their church, all I can think of is Jesus getting left on my doorstep and Jesus in my pantry (yes, he's still there).  I could barely keep a straight face yesterday when the church ladies stopped by.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on May 26, 2011, 01:03:19 PM
I think Jesus supports recycling.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on May 26, 2011, 01:04:46 PM
Very true.  I'll make sure to recycle Him if I run out of space in the pantry.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on May 26, 2011, 01:57:21 PM
Very true.  I'll make sure to recycle Him if I run out of space in the pantry.

Give it three days, He'll recycle Himself.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ferrets on May 26, 2011, 02:42:14 PM
Very true.  I'll make sure to recycle Him if I run out of space in the pantry.

Give it three days, He'll recycle Himself.

You just made this Catholic spit tea on her screen from laughing so hard. ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on May 26, 2011, 02:46:36 PM
Very true.  I'll make sure to recycle Him if I run out of space in the pantry.

Give it three days, He'll recycle Himself.

<choking on my drink>

This is a line that DEFINITELY belongs here in this thread!   ;D


I've got a new one:

We were at a viewing last night for a friend of mine's dad.  My friend is a bartender so there was a fairly large turnout of people who are regulars at the bar where he worked (does that sound strange?  It looks strange) which means that most of the people who I knew at the viewing are people that I know from the bar.  Which leads to inappropriate conversation.

So here's a little backstory:  my BF has a 4" tall stuffed bear who wears a moose suit. This moose-bear (MB) goes all over the place with us and has an extensive collection of sports-clothes (superbowl sweatshirt, hockey jersey, baseball sweater, etc.)  Our friend from the bar is also a hockey reporter and was saying that he has to continue to work, even though it's the off-season because he has a website and he's trying to get another job lined up as he was just let go by one of the television outlets after a merger.  

I said that MB had offered to pose nekkid for his website to generate interest and some hits and he should be pretty impressed because MB saves his offers for "boudoir photography" for only those causes which he feels are worthwhile.  BF added that Friend should also be careful about declining because MB tends to be very vengeful and he wouldn't want to step outside one day and have his ankles shredded. (We think we're funny.)  Friend said that he has wondered where we get all the clothing for a 4 inch tall bear, since that's got to be hard to come by and BF admitted that we tend to buy other stuffed animals and when we bring them home, MB mugs them for their clothes.  So we currently have a pile of naked and humiliated bears sitting in a corner while MB lounges in well-dressed luxury on the mantle.  Friend laughed and said "It's just as though you guys have a giant pile of naked, dismembered babies in your living room.  Like in 300?  All those babies that weren't going to be warriors?"

At which point his fiancee poked him really hard and looked around at all the grieving people alongside us.  Who probably weren't giggling at the naked pile of babies.  I don't know why it was as funny as it was.  Maybe because for a change, it wasn't me that said it!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on May 26, 2011, 02:51:04 PM
My sister has a Skipper stuffed toy (The lead penguin from Madagascar) who travels everywhere with them. Some of his wardrobe is from Build-an-Ursine.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hobish on May 26, 2011, 02:56:52 PM

eclecticgrrl, we should hang out.

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on May 26, 2011, 03:26:08 PM

eclecticgrrl, we should hang out.



Because of the bear or because of the inappropriate sense of humor?  Either way, I'm game, hobish!   :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfmama on May 26, 2011, 06:55:32 PM
Very true.  I'll make sure to recycle Him if I run out of space in the pantry.

Give it three days, He'll recycle Himself.

You just made this Catholic spit tea on her screen from laughing so hard. ;D
And this Pagan.  Who then had to explain to her very Catholic husband why she was sitting here with tears running down her face.

So I read him the relevant posts.  He chuckled a bit, then went ::) and said "You have weeeeiiiirrrd people on that forum!"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on May 26, 2011, 07:35:07 PM
Very true.  I'll make sure to recycle Him if I run out of space in the pantry.

Give it three days, He'll recycle Himself.

You just made this Catholic spit tea on her screen from laughing so hard. ;D
And this Pagan.  Who then had to explain to her very Catholic husband why she was sitting here with tears running down her face.

So I read him the relevant posts.  He chuckled a bit, then went ::) and said "You have weeeeiiiirrrd people on that forum!"

Score!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Black Delphinium on May 26, 2011, 07:40:30 PM
Please tell him that his compliment was well received.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: MinAvi on May 26, 2011, 07:43:05 PM
Very true.  I'll make sure to recycle Him if I run out of space in the pantry.

Give it three days, He'll recycle Himself.

Bah ha ha!!

Thats it, we are all going to He11!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Enkidu on May 27, 2011, 02:42:23 PM
I love these! My inappropriately funny story also involves church service from when I was in high school. It was a Wednesday evening service during Advent, and my mother, sisters, and I were sitting in the second pew from the front, our usual spot. We were waiting for the service to start, and cutting up a bit, but settled down once the service started. Until it came time for the reading.

The pastor was at the pulpit, reading the story of the angel revealing to Mary that she was going to bear a son, the Son of God. Pastor says, "And, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared" and then we hear a tinkling noise coming up the aisle.

It's Elmer, one of the church elders, an older gentleman with grey hair, spectacles, a hook nose and a naturally morose expression. He was wearing a white robe, HUGE gold-gilded wings, and, as the crowning touch, pointed slippers with bells attached. He was the most ridiculous angel I've ever seen, and it only got worse as he pantomimed the Pastor's words "I bring you good tidings of great joy" still with his normal morose expression, looking anything but joyful. His pantomime involved a great deal of arm-flinging and the gold wings were soon very, very crooked. We were holding back the giggles. Finally the reading was over, and, Elmer passed us again, looking as dignified as you could in that get up. Then, just as he passed us, he tripped.

I heard my younger sister snicker. I tried really, really hard to hold back my own laughter, and might have succeeded if my mother had not started "coughing" into a napkin to hide her own laughter. We tried to laugh as quietly as possible, but being in the second row, I'm sure we were very visible.

After the service was over, we fled to the car, hopped in as quickly as possible, and sat in the parking lot laughing and laughing until the tears came.

It was the first Wednesday Advent service. Elmer the Angel appeared 3 more times on subsequent Wednesdays. We sat in the back.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ceiling Fan on May 27, 2011, 02:55:39 PM
I have a manga Bible (basically a Bible with manga-style comics interspersed throughout). I was really tired one morning between Church and Sunday School, and started flipping through the manga sections.

I knew I needed a nap when I read one of the speech bubbles as Jesus saying "In the name of my Fathead..." (instead of "Father")

'Yonder lies the castle of my faddah"?

;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on May 27, 2011, 05:43:15 PM
Nothing funny about drugs, or people being on them, I know. But am I horrible for finding these two instances funny, the way people act on them? A friend of mine who used to do them recreationally told me this one, can't remember all the details. But something along the lines of he and a friend had to clean their apt. or house, and she and maybe him did some lines of crank beforehand. He said she picked up an entire sofa, threw it over her shoulder, and went about cleaning the place like it was nothing. Very funny visual. Later on, he suspected one of his roommates might have been on the same thing. One of the symptons - he'd come home, and the place would be absolutely spotless, and she'd claim to just be on a cleaning binge. He used to say, "Well, a line a day keeps the cobwebs away".  >:D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Black Delphinium on May 27, 2011, 06:04:07 PM
Nothing funny about drugs, or people being on them, I know. But am I horrible for finding these two instances funny, the way people act on them? A friend of mine who used to do them recreationally told me this one, can't remember all the details. But something along the lines of he and a friend had to clean their apt. or house, and she and maybe him did some lines of crank beforehand. He said she picked up an entire sofa, threw it over her shoulder, and went about cleaning the place like it was nothing. Very funny visual. Later on, he suspected one of his roommates might have been on the same thing. One of the symptons - he'd come home, and the place would be absolutely spotless, and she'd claim to just be on a cleaning binge. He used to say, "Well, a line a day keeps the cobwebs away".  >:D
An ex-roommate of mine said that the reason he only did heavy drugs once or twice was because he'd ended up cleaning his mother's house top to bottom under the influence.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Schmoopie3928 on May 27, 2011, 06:19:27 PM
Nothing funny about drugs, or people being on them, I know. But am I horrible for finding these two instances funny, the way people act on them? A friend of mine who used to do them recreationally told me this one, can't remember all the details. But something along the lines of he and a friend had to clean their apt. or house, and she and maybe him did some lines of crank beforehand. He said she picked up an entire sofa, threw it over her shoulder, and went about cleaning the place like it was nothing. Very funny visual. Later on, he suspected one of his roommates might have been on the same thing. One of the symptons - he'd come home, and the place would be absolutely spotless, and she'd claim to just be on a cleaning binge. He used to say, "Well, a line a day keeps the cobwebs away".  >:D
An ex-roommate of mine said that the reason he only did heavy drugs once or twice was because he'd ended up cleaning his mother's house top to bottom under the influence.
Hmmmm. Maybe they are on to something. My brother is on Adderall, which is basically speed. He would get in the "zone" and clean  his room, even getting a bucket of hot water to "Scrub the carpet." They had to lower his dose. :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Carnation on May 29, 2011, 11:48:38 AM
Two years ago, my uncle by marriage passed away.

At the cemetery, the minister had provided seating units that were like director's chairs, only linked together set of four.

http://cdn.dickblick.com/items/518/03/51803-1001-2ww-m.jpg

These four seats were occupied by my oldest son, myself and my two cousins.  We were the only ones in attendance.

At the end of the ceremony, we all stood up, except for my girl cousin.  She is large (to say the least) and her butt had sort of migrated through the back opening of the chair and she was now stuck.   I had never seen anything like it in my life.  My oh my! :-\

Yes, sir, she was stuck.

When she stood up, all four seats in a row stood up with her. :o

My son and boy cousin grabbed her by the arms and were pulling for all they were worth.   I held the chair down, otherwise she'd be wearing it.   The minister stood there, looking as cool, calm and collected as he should be.

Me, I was biting the inside of my cheek to stop from laughing my head off.

It took a while, but we eventually separated cousin and chair and all went well after that.



edited to add more gory details.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on May 29, 2011, 12:26:32 PM
I am also LOL at that one, must have been hard to sit straight-faced throught it!!

I also LOL at my own "assault". Nearly 2 years ago, I was in a show that involved stage combat with my co-star decking me across the face. Not for real of course, it was a stunt-hit. But he and I had never done that kind of stunt before, so there were a lot of foibles involving it, mostly on him not getting the height/distance right on it. He hit me twice in a row for real on it. I just laugh when I think of it now. I instinctively let out this scream, he had such a look of horror/shock on his face when he did this and I yelled like that it was priceless, his look was like something from a cartoon where the character makes one of those big, "horrified" faces. And just the fact that it happened once, he apologized greatly and had that funny look, everyone was all concerned about me, then we went on rehearsing it - and BAM!, it happened again! So yeah, it hurt and wasn't pleasant, but it sure was funny in a twisted way....
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on May 29, 2011, 01:17:18 PM
Very true.  I'll make sure to recycle Him if I run out of space in the pantry.

Give it three days, He'll recycle Himself.

You just made this Catholic spit tea on her screen from laughing so hard. ;D
And this Pagan.  Who then had to explain to her very Catholic husband why she was sitting here with tears running down her face.

So I read him the relevant posts.  He chuckled a bit, then went ::) and said "You have weeeeiiiirrrd people on that forum!"

DH and I are both Catholic and we were both laughing at this.
Dh started making jokes about resurection in the pantry...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ceiling Fan on May 29, 2011, 03:04:29 PM
Nothing funny about drugs, or people being on them, I know. But am I horrible for finding these two instances funny, the way people act on them? A friend of mine who used to do them recreationally told me this one, can't remember all the details. But something along the lines of he and a friend had to clean their apt. or house, and she and maybe him did some lines of crank beforehand. He said she picked up an entire sofa, threw it over her shoulder, and went about cleaning the place like it was nothing. Very funny visual. Later on, he suspected one of his roommates might have been on the same thing. One of the symptons - he'd come home, and the place would be absolutely spotless, and she'd claim to just be on a cleaning binge. He used to say, "Well, a line a day keeps the cobwebs away".  >:D

Yeah, back when we lived in a warehouse, we could always tell one one of our neighbors was indulging... because there would be Vanessa, scrubbing down the parking lot on her hands and knees... at 3am ::)
;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sirius on May 29, 2011, 07:11:10 PM
I got on a cleaning jag when I'd been taking Dayquil, the daytime cold medicine.  I'd stayed home while my mom and my then-fiance went to the grocery store, and between the time they left and the time they got home I'd cleaned the whole house and was starting on the garage.  My mom said, "I ought to buy a case of that stuff."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kitkatswing on May 29, 2011, 08:27:12 PM
Husband and I were at a baptism last weekend.. Two incidents happened that I almost had to leave:
(neither of us is religious in any way/shape or form)...

1: One of the boys (twins) puked just before the bathing head in water moment. I turned to hubby and whisspered "What is this, a baptism or an exorcism??" Both in fits of laugher...

2: I dropped the prayer book and hubby suggested I had dropped it as it was burning my hands.. Well, that was it, I almost had to leave I was tryign to surprise my laughing!

We shoudlnt be allowed in churchs.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on May 30, 2011, 08:30:57 AM
Husband and I were at a baptism last weekend.. Two incidents happened that I almost had to leave:
(neither of us is religious in any way/shape or form)...

1: One of the boys (twins) puked just before the bathing head in water moment. I turned to hubby and whisspered "What is this, a baptism or an exorcism??" Both in fits of laugher...

2: I dropped the prayer book and hubby suggested I had dropped it as it was burning my hands.. Well, that was it, I almost had to leave I was tryign to surprise my laughing!

We shoudlnt be allowed in churchs.

Neither should we. There were 2 incidents at the Easter service that had us in silent hysterics.

Number 1

The priest's question was "Do you fully accept God and his works?"
The response: "We do."

Q: "Do you renounce Satan and his works?"
A: "We do"

Well at that moment, DF whispered in a Beavis and Butthead voice "No, like Satan rocks!" I snorted and caused several people to stare in disapproval.

Number 2

The priest said something to the effect of "And the power of Jesus will raise you up". In the UK we have an Irish band called Westlife. Cheesy pop music says all you need to know. They sang a song called "You Raise Me Up". I personally love it (guilty pleasure). It has a nultitude of key changes, and it is just about the most contrived song ever written. It was overused on X-Factor (the British version of American Idol), complete with slow-mo shots of the lucky contestant jumping up and down when they got the "You've got 3 yeses" from Simon Cowell). Anyway, DF whispered to me "You raiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise me up........" By this time I was helpless. I don't think the people we were sitting near were very impressed. I guess you would have to be there!!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Miss Vertigo on May 30, 2011, 08:46:49 AM
Very true.  I'll make sure to recycle Him if I run out of space in the pantry.

Give it three days, He'll recycle Himself.

Post of the year. *dies laughing*
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on May 30, 2011, 08:52:49 AM
Very true.  I'll make sure to recycle Him if I run out of space in the pantry.

Give it three days, He'll recycle Himself.

Post of the year. *dies laughing*

That IS very funny!!!!!!!!!! :D DF wonders why I find this site hilarious. It would take too long to explain, but comments like that one go a long way!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: wendelenn on May 30, 2011, 10:42:29 AM
Husband and I were at a baptism last weekend.. Two incidents happened that I almost had to leave:
(neither of us is religious in any way/shape or form)...

1: One of the boys (twins) puked just before the bathing head in water moment. I turned to hubby and whisspered "What is this, a baptism or an exorcism??" Both in fits of laugher...

2: I dropped the prayer book and hubby suggested I had dropped it as it was burning my hands.. Well, that was it, I almost had to leave I was tryign to surprise my laughing!

We shoudlnt be allowed in churchs.

Neither should we. There were 2 incidents at the Easter service that had us in silent hysterics.

Number 1

The priest's question was "Do you fully accept God and his works?"
The response: "We do."

Q: "Do you renounce Satan and his works?"
A: "We do"

Well at that moment, DF whispered in a Beavis and Butthead voice "No, like Satan rocks!" I snorted and caused several people to stare in disapproval.

Number 2

The priest said something to the effect of "And the power of Jesus will raise you up". In the UK we have an Irish band called Westlife. Cheesy pop music says all you need to know. They sang a song called "You Raise Me Up". I personally love it (guilty pleasure). It has a nultitude of key changes, and it is just about the most contrived song ever written. It was overused on X-Factor (the British version of American Idol), complete with slow-mo shots of the lucky contestant jumping up and down when they got the "You've got 3 yeses" from Simon Cowell). Anyway, DF whispered to me "You raiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise me up........" By this time I was helpless. I don't think the people we were sitting near were very impressed. I guess you would have to be there!!!

In the US it was made famous by Josh Groban, I think. That would crack me up too!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on May 30, 2011, 10:46:04 AM
Husband and I were at a baptism last weekend.. Two incidents happened that I almost had to leave:
(neither of us is religious in any way/shape or form)...

1: One of the boys (twins) puked just before the bathing head in water moment. I turned to hubby and whisspered "What is this, a baptism or an exorcism??" Both in fits of laugher...

2: I dropped the prayer book and hubby suggested I had dropped it as it was burning my hands.. Well, that was it, I almost had to leave I was tryign to surprise my laughing!

We shoudlnt be allowed in churchs.

Neither should we. There were 2 incidents at the Easter service that had us in silent hysterics.

Number 1

The priest's question was "Do you fully accept God and his works?"
The response: "We do."

Q: "Do you renounce Satan and his works?"
A: "We do"

Well at that moment, DF whispered in a Beavis and Butthead voice "No, like Satan rocks!" I snorted and caused several people to stare in disapproval.

Number 2

The priest said something to the effect of "And the power of Jesus will raise you up". In the UK we have an Irish band called Westlife. Cheesy pop music says all you need to know. They sang a song called "You Raise Me Up". I personally love it (guilty pleasure). It has a nultitude of key changes, and it is just about the most contrived song ever written. It was overused on X-Factor (the British version of American Idol), complete with slow-mo shots of the lucky contestant jumping up and down when they got the "You've got 3 yeses" from Simon Cowell). Anyway, DF whispered to me "You raiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise me up........" By this time I was helpless. I don't think the people we were sitting near were very impressed. I guess you would have to be there!!!

In the US it was made famous by Josh Groban, I think. That would crack me up too!!

And...right on cue, the song is being played on the radio as I type.......................I literally cannot type for laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D ;D ;D Of course this has nothing to do with the fact I requested it, no, I am not that daft............. ::)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Lynn2000 on May 30, 2011, 12:44:23 PM
I got on a cleaning jag when I'd been taking Dayquil, the daytime cold medicine.  I'd stayed home while my mom and my then-fiance went to the grocery store, and between the time they left and the time they got home I'd cleaned the whole house and was starting on the garage.  My mom said, "I ought to buy a case of that stuff."

No fair! I just get very loopy when I take Dayquil. :( I swore off it after the time I took some, went to work, and kept giggling inappropriately throughout our weekly staff meeting.  ::)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on May 31, 2011, 11:06:50 AM
Courtesy of the Commercials That Bug You thread:

Oh, it's totally the guy's voice, although I think there were a few weird phrases in there, too, that I don't recall at the moment.  It was mostly his tone.  You don't sell an educational DVD about genocide in a monster truck announcer voice.

And here's what I hear:

THIS SUNDAY!  BLOODY!  SUNDAY!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Valentines Mommy on May 31, 2011, 11:11:06 AM
Ow! Tea out my nose.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on May 31, 2011, 11:18:56 AM
Courtesy of the Commercials That Bug You thread:

Oh, it's totally the guy's voice, although I think there were a few weird phrases in there, too, that I don't recall at the moment.  It was mostly his tone.  You don't sell an educational DVD about genocide in a monster truck announcer voice.

And here's what I hear:

THIS SUNDAY!  BLOODY!  SUNDAY!

I heard the same voice, but calling "NAZIS!  NAZIS!  NAZIS!"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Slartibartfast on May 31, 2011, 11:23:14 AM
Courtesy of the Commercials That Bug You thread:

Oh, it's totally the guy's voice, although I think there were a few weird phrases in there, too, that I don't recall at the moment.  It was mostly his tone.  You don't sell an educational DVD about genocide in a monster truck announcer voice.

And here's what I hear:

THIS SUNDAY!  BLOODY!  SUNDAY!

Just for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYNS0wfFuaA  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on May 31, 2011, 12:58:56 PM
Ow! Tea out my nose.

Yeah. It hurts more when it's OJ, possibly because of the acid quotient. Maybe that should have gone in the "Uh, ya, don't do that" column...!!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: cabbagegirl28 on June 01, 2011, 12:41:51 PM
Q: "Do you renounce Satan and his works?"
A: "We do"

Every time that there's a baptism and I hear this, I keep thinking of the Godfather. I almost had to leave the sanctuary I was laughing so badly.  :P
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on June 01, 2011, 01:24:21 PM
Q: "Do you renounce Satan and his works?"
A: "We do"

Every time that there's a baptism and I hear this, I keep thinking of the Godfather. I almost had to leave the sanctuary I was laughing so badly.  :P

The problem I find is the more you know you SHOULD NOT laugh, the more you want to laugh. With me it builds up and then I just suddenly snort and then it's all over and you get no sense out of me for the next half hour or so.  :-\
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Seraphia on June 01, 2011, 03:05:18 PM
My husband just sent me one.

He was browsing news sites, and one of the headlines was as follows: "Dad with broom chases naked man out of house after catching him in bed with teen daughter."


Which was snort-inducing enough, but then I read the comments, which included the following pun:

Once upon a time, two brooms fell in love and decided to get married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom informed the groom broom she was expecting a little whisk-broom. The groom broom was aghast. "How is this possible?" he asked. "We've never even swept together!"



Yeah - that mental image + the big bosses in the office today = Swallowing my laughter all day.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kitty-cat on June 01, 2011, 03:15:55 PM
Corbin's "Chicken Sadness".

It sounds like something out of hyperbole and a half.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Petticoats on June 01, 2011, 03:29:12 PM
Corbin's "Chicken Sadness".

It sounds like something out of hyperbole and a half.

Good call! Wouldn't it be neat if Allie did an illustrated version of Corbin's story?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kitty-cat on June 01, 2011, 03:43:07 PM
Corbin's "Chicken Sadness".

It sounds like something out of hyperbole and a half.

Good call! Wouldn't it be neat if Allie did an illustrated version of Corbin's story?

And it made her book? Hmmm..... >:D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: dman on June 01, 2011, 11:51:04 PM
Courtesy of the Commercials That Bug You thread:

Oh, it's totally the guy's voice, although I think there were a few weird phrases in there, too, that I don't recall at the moment.  It was mostly his tone.  You don't sell an educational DVD about genocide in a monster truck announcer voice.

And here's what I hear:

THIS SUNDAY!  BLOODY!  SUNDAY!



Just for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYNS0wfFuaA  ;D

u2 is playing in my city tonight, this made me laugh.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: AM in AL on June 02, 2011, 02:41:04 AM
It's well-known in my circle that I'm a recovering bulimic. I am also known for being the most cynical in the group, and probably the most sarcastic and dark-humored. And for one more piece of back story, it is known that my stepmother is emotionally abusive towards me, and contributed heavily to my bulimia.

One day, my friends decided that they were going to throw a Cheer Up Kendo party, spur of the moment, because I had been talking to one about how bad my ED had been lately and how unsupportive my stepmother was being. When I came in, they pounced on me with a box of Happy Bunny stickers and began sticking them all over me. Until they got to the last in the box and realized that they had just stuck a big sticker on me that said 'Excuse me, you made me throw up a little'.

We all laughed like lunatics at that one.

OK, it's 2:37 am and my insomnia has me up to p. 13 of this thread, last November... and I just spent a moment wondering how you got from bulimia to erectile dysfunction...

Oh, eating disorder. I'm there now.

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Luci on June 02, 2011, 03:06:34 AM
We knew the homeowner was going to be OK when she started cracking jokes about her situation.

I was helping a tornado survivor sort through debris. She was trying to decide if something was worth saving or not, finally laughed and tossed it saying, "I guess we all need a good decluttering once in awhile."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: AM in AL on June 02, 2011, 04:02:56 AM
You really, REALLY need to see Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0311361/).  (The power of Christ impales you!)  It's a fantastically awful movie, well into the "so bad it's good" category - a 1980's style kung fu musical about how Jesus Christ comes back from the dead to kill the vampires who are mysteriously preying on Canadian lesbians.  (Because nobody would miss the lesbians, apparently.)

Oh, I have that one!!!  And someone misses the lesbians because there's that one scene where the front page of the paper has an article on the mysterious lesbian shortage...  Which made me laugh until I cried.  I had this one in the "Worst Movies" thread because I couldn't figure out if it's really bad or REALLY good. 

My favorite scene is the ninja clown car, where the teeny little car disgorges a seemingly unending flow of ninjas.

Power of Christ impales you...  <snork>

Well, th shortage wouldn't affect me, as I'm only allowed to have one lesbian, but it's nice to know that Jesus misses them.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on June 06, 2011, 11:51:15 AM
Here's another finding humor in death one: anyone watch The Today Show this morning? They had a segment on a animal park in Siberia where they keep endangered lions/tigers. One of the events guests can pay for is sitting in a tour truck, watching said animals devour live prey. They have a menu/pricing guests can pick from. For instance, $ amount for watching them eat a chicken, $$ amount for watching them eat a cow, etc. They reported that one time just recently, the guests got more than they paid for when the driver of the truck got out to do some maintenance, and was promptly devoured by one of the animals. I guess the park should add the 'human' option to the menu...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on June 06, 2011, 03:36:32 PM
My workmate has a thing about feet. She just hates thinking about them. Another workmate was explaining a procedure whereby you can put your feet into a big bowl and have fish nibble off all the dead skin. Now I just thought "Ooooooooookay" but my workmate got incredibly grossed out by the idea of fish eating her feet, or seeing other people's feet. Her shudder of "eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww" and the funny noise she made just made me laugh. I felt unfair to laugh at her disgust and really, I shouldn't have done, and maybe I deserve a spell in EPerjury for that. I'm not usually evil, just slightly bad sometimes LOL!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hobish on June 06, 2011, 04:32:49 PM

Oh, my. I had the same reaction reading it {{{{shudder}}}}Eeeeuw! You have my full permission to laugh away.

 :)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on June 06, 2011, 04:36:03 PM
My workmate has a thing about feet. She just hates thinking about them. Another workmate was explaining a procedure whereby you can put your feet into a big bowl and have fish nibble off all the dead skin. Now I just thought "Ooooooooookay" but my workmate got incredibly grossed out by the idea of fish eating her feet, or seeing other people's feet. Her shudder of "eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww" and the funny noise she made just made me laugh. I felt unfair to laugh at her disgust and really, I shouldn't have done, and maybe I deserve a spell in EPerjury for that. I'm not usually evil, just slightly bad sometimes LOL!

I would actually like this procedure.

My feet get really dry and scaly, a nice fishie pedi might be an improvement.  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Fleur-de-Lis on June 06, 2011, 04:37:26 PM
My workmate has a thing about feet. She just hates thinking about them. Another workmate was explaining a procedure whereby you can put your feet into a big bowl and have fish nibble off all the dead skin. Now I just thought "Ooooooooookay" but my workmate got incredibly grossed out by the idea of fish eating her feet, or seeing other people's feet. Her shudder of "eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww" and the funny noise she made just made me laugh. I felt unfair to laugh at her disgust and really, I shouldn't have done, and maybe I deserve a spell in EPerjury for that. I'm not usually evil, just slightly bad sometimes LOL!

Honestly?  If your workmate undergoing the procedure knows how the other coworker feels, and other coworker was not entirely free to leave (i.e, at her desk and on the clock, with no tasks that could be done elsewhere), the coworker undergoing the procedure sounds abysmally rude.  

If one knows something is a topic others find objectionable, unnecessarily discussing that matter in front of those who object when they cannot leave is not polite.

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on June 06, 2011, 04:40:50 PM

Oh, my. I had the same reaction reading it {{{{shudder}}}}Eeeeuw! You have my full permission to laugh away.

 :)

See, the thought doesn't appeal to me really, but hey, each to their own!!! I could have made some bad jokes at her expense.  Such as suggesting making "Fish pedicures" like a dating agency...you never know, you might meet your sole-mate. And maybe I should just shush now and start to toe the line... :) Yeah, they're bad. I think I've nailed these bad jokes. Finally, I wonder how much they cost. Just in case I ever had to FOOT the bill.

I'll stop now!

And PS, my coworker does the same to me by talking about eyes, knowing how weird I am about them!!! It's just office banter. She was free to leave if she really didn't like it, and having worked with her for nearly 3 years, we know how far we can push each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 06, 2011, 04:47:29 PM
A mom at our playgroup told this one:

It was at a baptism, and the start time coincided with the baby's nursing time. The parents explained it to the priest as they were getting ready. He said no problem, he could work around it.

So he starts the ceremony with, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to breast... BLESS! Bless this child!..."

He was beet red. And they got it on video, complete with very clear audio. ;D

Oh dear diety, I needed that laugh!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 07, 2011, 07:28:19 PM
Note to self: Threads posted in "I Need a Hug!" are usually sad, upsetting, and/or traumatic things that should not be laughed at. I still can't help giggling as I read through "When a doctor compares a cyst to fruit..." when most of the responding posters are stating what kind of "fruit" they had to have removed. There's just something about reading "I had a plum..." and "I had a orange and a couple of lemons"...

This makes me think of several pregnancy updates I've gotten from a place I signed up with for coupons and for a while the baby kept getting compared to fruit in size.  "Your baby is now the size of a grape", "Your baby is now the size of a plum". 

Um, I don't want to be thinking of my baby when I'm eating fruit, thanks!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Carnation on June 08, 2011, 05:01:57 AM
Note to self: Threads posted in "I Need a Hug!" are usually sad, upsetting, and/or traumatic things that should not be laughed at. I still can't help giggling as I read through "When a doctor compares a cyst to fruit..." when most of the responding posters are stating what kind of "fruit" they had to have removed. There's just something about reading "I had a plum..." and "I had a orange and a couple of lemons"...

This makes me think of several pregnancy updates I've gotten from a place I signed up with for coupons and for a while the baby kept getting compared to fruit in size.  "Your baby is now the size of a grape", "Your baby is now the size of a plum". 

Um, I don't want to be thinking of my baby when I'm eating fruit, thanks!

Gilbert Grape?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on June 08, 2011, 05:16:50 AM
Note to self: Threads posted in "I Need a Hug!" are usually sad, upsetting, and/or traumatic things that should not be laughed at. I still can't help giggling as I read through "When a doctor compares a cyst to fruit..." when most of the responding posters are stating what kind of "fruit" they had to have removed. There's just something about reading "I had a plum..." and "I had a orange and a couple of lemons"...

This makes me think of several pregnancy updates I've gotten from a place I signed up with for coupons and for a while the baby kept getting compared to fruit in size.  "Your baby is now the size of a grape", "Your baby is now the size of a plum". 

Um, I don't want to be thinking of my baby when I'm eating fruit, thanks!

As long as your baby is not the shape of a pineapple, you'll be fine!!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 08, 2011, 11:44:56 AM
I think this fits here better than the "Don't Do That" thread, besides which I didn't want to derail the discussion of celebrity underpants.

My squad got called to yet another suicide this morning (as you may have heard elsewhere, military suicides are at an all time high, and my agency is required to investigate any unattended death, regardless of cause). This one was especially bad because the victim had a record of previous suicide attempts, and this time had shot himself twice before the third, fatal shot.

My first comment when we arrived at the scene? Not "oh, how tragic" or even "get the tape up and start taking pictures," but "how rude! Didn't he think about who was going to have to clean all this up?"

My deputy Mickey's response was "I think I'm going to write a book." I asked, "About why we've have so many suicides?" "No. 'Suicide: Getting It Right the First Time."

I laughed so hard I cried.

I think a dark sense of humor is essential in a job like yours.

I believe it's called gallows humor, isn't it?   A friend used to work as a florist and thus did a lot of arrangements and deliveries for funerals, and she has a friend who used to work in a funeral home (might have been the mortician) and she said the two of them would oft exchange jokes in that vein.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on June 08, 2011, 12:32:25 PM
I believe it's called gallows humor, isn't it?   A friend used to work as a florist and thus did a lot of arrangements and deliveries for funerals, and she has a friend who used to work in a funeral home (might have been the mortician) and she said the two of them would oft exchange jokes in that vein.

heh heh heh - am I the only one that was making suicide jokes in my head because of the "vein" comment?  Or was I all alone going down that path?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kitty-cat on June 08, 2011, 12:40:50 PM
I have a bad limp right now.

My best friend says I should totally go as a pirate for Halloween- "You already have the peg leg limp!"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 08, 2011, 01:17:35 PM
I believe it's called gallows humor, isn't it?   A friend used to work as a florist and thus did a lot of arrangements and deliveries for funerals, and she has a friend who used to work in a funeral home (might have been the mortician) and she said the two of them would oft exchange jokes in that vein.

heh heh heh - am I the only one that was making suicide jokes in my head because of the "vein" comment?  Or was I all alone going down that path?

Well the power of suggestion strikes again! :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: NutMeg on June 08, 2011, 06:23:16 PM
I work at a crisis centre. We make some awful, awful jokes. I had a refresher training recently (long term volunteers are required to do this once a year, based on the recommendation by the American Association of Suicidology), and man we were bad. The facilitator would present an ethical dilemma and we would brain storm how we would deal with it. "Tell him to grow up and get over himself." "Start one upping him... You think that's bad? My husband left me for my sister!" Those are the more sanitized ones of course.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: esteban on June 09, 2011, 07:54:42 AM
I work at a crisis centre. We make some awful, awful jokes. I had a refresher training recently (long term volunteers are required to do this once a year, based on the recommendation by the American Association of Suicidology), and man we were bad. The facilitator would present an ethical dilemma and we would brain storm how we would deal with it. "Tell him to grow up and get over himself." "Start one upping him... You think that's bad? My husband left me for my sister!" Those are the more sanitized ones of course.

I can't get over the American Association of Suicidology.  What pray tell do they do?  Try to study Suicides to see how they could be improved?

Do they give out a Kevorkian medal for the best suicide in different categories?

"The Kevorkian for for best leap from a bridge by a dangerously depressed person is given to Frank.  Frank leaped from the Empire State building after screaming like a banshee that he wouldn't live in a world without Soylent Green, and climbing like a hyperactive lemur over the bars before executing a perfect triple pike dive onto 8th avenue.  Frank can't be here tonight to accept the award so we'll present this to his widow."  Cut to a crying widow dressed to the nines like at all award ceremonies who is standing up to accept the award.

/evil deadbody.  this is why I don't let him out too often.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: lipli on June 09, 2011, 08:12:40 AM
I work at a crisis centre. We make some awful, awful jokes. I had a refresher training recently (long term volunteers are required to do this once a year, based on the recommendation by the American Association of Suicidology), and man we were bad. The facilitator would present an ethical dilemma and we would brain storm how we would deal with it. "Tell him to grow up and get over himself." "Start one upping him... You think that's bad? My husband left me for my sister!" Those are the more sanitized ones of course.

I can't get over the American Association of Suicidology.  What pray tell do they do?  Try to study Suicides to see how they could be improved?

Do they give out a Kevorkian medal for the best suicide in different categories?

"The Kevorkian for for best leap from a bridge by a dangerously depressed person is given to Frank.  Frank leaped from the Empire State building after screaming like a banshee that he wouldn't live in a world without Soylent Green, and climbing like a hyperactive lemur over the bars before executing a perfect triple pike dive onto 8th avenue.  Frank can't be here tonight to accept the award so we'll present this to his widow."  Cut to a crying widow dressed to the nines like at all award ceremonies who is standing up to accept the award.

/evil deadbody.  this is why I don't let him out too often.

I no longer like you.  I am having to explain to coworkers why I'm giggling.  Awards for best suicide are having them look at me askance.  :)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Samantha on June 09, 2011, 08:13:47 AM
Actually, the AAS runs crisis centers, and tries to educate people about the signs that a friend or loved one may be contemplating suicide, and educate the general public about suicide prevention. One of my coworkers is a past president of the AAS, and has actually written a textbook (released late last year) about grief and suicide, and caring for the survivors (NOT the people that attempted suicide and lived, but the friends and family that were left behind after a loved one completed suicide).
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on June 09, 2011, 08:29:59 AM
"The Kevorkian for for best leap from a bridge by a dangerously depressed person is given to Frank.  Frank leaped from the Empire State building after screaming like a banshee that he wouldn't live in a world without Soylent Green, and climbing like a hyperactive lemur over the bars before executing a perfect triple pike dive onto 8th avenue.  Frank can't be here tonight to accept the award so we'll present this to his widow."  Cut to a crying widow dressed to the nines like at all award ceremonies who is standing up to accept the award.

/evil deadbody.  this is why I don't let him out too often.

Choking over the "hyperactive lemur" description.

But to be perfectly honest, I don't know if I want to live in a world without Soylent Green either.  I'm sort of feeling a little sympathy for Frank's position here.   ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on June 09, 2011, 04:30:32 PM
It's well-known in my circle that I'm a recovering bulimic. I am also known for being the most cynical in the group, and probably the most sarcastic and dark-humored. And for one more piece of back story, it is known that my stepmother is emotionally abusive towards me, and contributed heavily to my bulimia.

One day, my friends decided that they were going to throw a Cheer Up Kendo party, spur of the moment, because I had been talking to one about how bad my ED had been lately and how unsupportive my stepmother was being. When I came in, they pounced on me with a box of Happy Bunny stickers and began sticking them all over me. Until they got to the last in the box and realized that they had just stuck a big sticker on me that said 'Excuse me, you made me throw up a little'.

We all laughed like lunatics at that one.

OK, it's 2:37 am and my insomnia has me up to p. 13 of this thread, last November... and I just spent a moment wondering how you got from bulimia to erectile dysfunction...

Oh, eating disorder. I'm there now.



I couldn't figure it out either!!!  Thank you so much for clearing up this for me!  I was so confused about what erectile dysfunction had anything to do with bulimia.


Now, for my story.

In 11th grade during an Honors class, we were watching a video by Mike Moore (not Austin Powers one).  We were in the dark auditorium, about sixty of us, and I was sitting right in the middle.  I was not what one would call popular, but I was well known simply for being me.  Anyhow, he was interviewing this woman about her rabbits.  She was holding one, petting it, cooing to it.  Then cut shot and she's clobbering it with a huge wooden club, apparently to make stew.  I cackled.  I have a very distinct cackle, everyone knows it was me.  I'm sitting there howling simply because I was not expecting that in the least.  Of all the things that could have happened next, that was not it.  I'm cackling my one of a kind cackle, and the girls in front of me are crying and admonishing me.  That did not stop me from laughing.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 09, 2011, 06:48:28 PM
When I went to see the first Twilight movie, I laughed at points of the movie that no one else was laughing at.   Like the part where Kristen Stewart was writhing on the dancing studio floor after getting bitten by the bad vampire, I couldn't help it.  I howled with laughter because her acting was so awful. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: violinp on June 09, 2011, 09:42:00 PM
I know I shouldn't have laughed, but...(that's what the thread's for, right?)

A little girl here died of E. coli. We're all very sad, right? She's a toddler, it's a horrible disease...

Well, in the obit today, it read that the family asked God why she died, and God spoke to the grandfather saying, "I needed her for the centerpiece at the bridal feast in heaven!" I SWEAR, that's what it actually said!

And now I'm picturing a toddler pageant queen with an apple in her mouth like a pig and dying laughing.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on June 09, 2011, 11:56:53 PM
I know I shouldn't have laughed, but...(that's what the thread's for, right?)

A little girl here died of E. coli. We're all very sad, right? She's a toddler, it's a horrible disease...

Well, in the obit today, it read that the family asked God why she died, and God spoke to the grandfather saying, "I needed her for the centerpiece at the bridal feast in heaven!" I SWEAR, that's what it actually said!

And now I'm picturing a toddler pageant queen with an apple in her mouth like a pig and dying laughing.

Wow....  That's....  I'm not sure what that is, actually.  But yes, I had a very similar mental image!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: esteban on June 10, 2011, 07:57:14 AM
I work at a crisis centre. We make some awful, awful jokes. I had a refresher training recently (long term volunteers are required to do this once a year, based on the recommendation by the American Association of Suicidology), and man we were bad. The facilitator would present an ethical dilemma and we would brain storm how we would deal with it. "Tell him to grow up and get over himself." "Start one upping him... You think that's bad? My husband left me for my sister!" Those are the more sanitized ones of course.

I can't get over the American Association of Suicidology.  What pray tell do they do?  Try to study Suicides to see how they could be improved?

Do they give out a Kevorkian medal for the best suicide in different categories?

"The Kevorkian for for best leap from a bridge by a dangerously depressed person is given to Frank.  Frank leaped from the Empire State building after screaming like a banshee that he wouldn't live in a world without Soylent Green, and climbing like a hyperactive lemur over the bars before executing a perfect triple pike dive onto 8th avenue.  Frank can't be here tonight to accept the award so we'll present this to his widow."  Cut to a crying widow dressed to the nines like at all award ceremonies who is standing up to accept the award.

/evil deadbody.  this is why I don't let him out too often.

I no longer like you.  I am having to explain to coworkers why I'm giggling.  Awards for best suicide are having them look at me askance.  :)

I don't need to be liked by everyone, as long as I can think of things like Suicide awards and men climbing bars like hyperactive lemurs I can have lots of fun in my own head.  Even with this crazy jacket on.  :)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: purplemuse on June 10, 2011, 08:19:01 AM
I work at a crisis centre. We make some awful, awful jokes. I had a refresher training recently (long term volunteers are required to do this once a year, based on the recommendation by the American Association of Suicidology), and man we were bad. The facilitator would present an ethical dilemma and we would brain storm how we would deal with it. "Tell him to grow up and get over himself." "Start one upping him... You think that's bad? My husband left me for my sister!" Those are the more sanitized ones of course.

I can't get over the American Association of Suicidology.  What pray tell do they do?  Try to study Suicides to see how they could be improved?

Do they give out a Kevorkian medal for the best suicide in different categories?

"The Kevorkian for for best leap from a bridge by a dangerously depressed person is given to Frank.  Frank leaped from the Empire State building after screaming like a banshee that he wouldn't live in a world without Soylent Green, and climbing like a hyperactive lemur over the bars before executing a perfect triple pike dive onto 8th avenue.  Frank can't be here tonight to accept the award so we'll present this to his widow."  Cut to a crying widow dressed to the nines like at all award ceremonies who is standing up to accept the award.

/evil deadbody.  this is why I don't let him out too often.

I no longer like you.  I am having to explain to coworkers why I'm giggling.  Awards for best suicide are having them look at me askance.  :)

I don't need to be liked by everyone, as long as I can think of things like Suicide awards and men climbing bars like hyperactive lemurs I can have lots of fun in my own head.  Even with this crazy jacket on.  :)

And clearly it's still too early in the morning for me to be on Ehell, because I totally read the bolded as "men climbing bras like hyperactive lemurs" which is a whole different kind of thing you probably shouldn't laugh at...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: bookworm317 on June 10, 2011, 12:17:38 PM
I know I shouldn't have laughed, but...(that's what the thread's for, right?)

A little girl here died of E. coli. We're all very sad, right? She's a toddler, it's a horrible disease...

Well, in the obit today, it read that the family asked God why she died, and God spoke to the grandfather saying, "I needed her for the centerpiece at the bridal feast in heaven!" I SWEAR, that's what it actually said!

And now I'm picturing a toddler pageant queen with an apple in her mouth like a pig and dying laughing.

So, heaven is full of cannibals?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on June 10, 2011, 03:01:58 PM
DH's aunt died, and her funeral was this past week.

During the funeral, after the service, they played that REO Speedwagon song "keep on loving you". Well, the CD started skipping right before it got to the chorus..and it took them about a minute to stop it and switch it out for the next song. So we were sitting there, in the funeral home, while the CD is going "I.I.I.I.I.I.IIIIIIIII...I..I.I.I.I.III'M...I'M...GONNA..I.I.I.I.I...IIIIIII"

It was very hard to not start laughing, because it just sounded so ridiculous, and the whole situation made it even worse, because there we all are at this funeral and the danged CD just would not stop skipping. So they switched it out for "Amazing Grace", which suddenly just stopped playing right in the middle of the song.

It was really hard not to start giggling, and then I felt awful because I was at a funeral and shouldn't BE tempted to start giggling like that.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: lilfox on June 10, 2011, 04:34:31 PM
One of the reasons I never want organ music at any funeral service for myself is because that's what played at my grandfather's funeral.  My only experience with organ music was at baseball games, so to me it was just not an appropriately solemn sound.  Especially since I kept hearing points in the music where it could so easily segue into "Dun dun dun dun, Dun dun dun dun, dun-dun-dun-Dun dun DUNNNN CHARGE!"

It's like calliope music or banjos - very hard to make mournful.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfmama on June 10, 2011, 05:44:43 PM
One of the reasons I never want organ music at any funeral service for myself is because that's what played at my grandfather's funeral.  My only experience with organ music was at baseball games, so to me it was just not an appropriately solemn sound.  Especially since I kept hearing points in the music where it could so easily segue into "Dun dun dun dun, Dun dun dun dun, dun-dun-dun-Dun dun DUNNNN CHARGE!"

It's like calliope music or banjos - very hard to make mournful.
Now, see, I don't see organ music as cheerful, because I don't go to or watch baseball games.  I only connect it with funerals, so it all sounds mournful and lugubrious. Odd how different people connect the dots, isn't it? :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Tsaiko on June 10, 2011, 07:08:56 PM
I will start off by saying that the cat is doing much better and is recovering nicely, though still a bit wobbly.

Late yesterday evening my cat started acting disoriented. She was stumbling, couldn't walk straight, and was running around in circles because of it. Gave me and my partner's the fright of out lives. I got her to lie down by petting her while my partner got the carrier. Soon we went off to the Emergency Vets, where we found out that she had an ear infection that was affecting her balance (totally treatable, which is all I cared about). While we were waiting we had this conversation.

Partner: At least we got her calmed down quickly.
Tsaiko: Yeah, if I hadn't gotten her to lay down, we'd still be running around in circles.
Partner:  :o

And then we dissolved into giggles.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 10, 2011, 07:11:56 PM
Thanks to some tv show (the name escapes me right now) that made a joke about organ music being played for a male character, now when I hear the words "Organ music" I can't help but snort and think dirty thoughts..
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on June 10, 2011, 07:14:01 PM
Thanks to some tv show (the name escapes me right now) that made a joke about organ music being played for a male character, now when I hear the words "Organ music" I can't help but snort and think dirty thoughts..

And the old joke goes...

Did you hear about the woman who was madly in love with her pastor? Yeah, she caught him by the organ. ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 10, 2011, 08:15:09 PM
Thanks to some tv show (the name escapes me right now) that made a joke about organ music being played for a male character, now when I hear the words "Organ music" I can't help but snort and think dirty thoughts..

And the old joke goes...

Did you hear about the woman who was madly in love with her pastor? Yeah, she caught him by the organ. ;D

Gives a WHOLE new meaning to tickling the ivories, doesn't it?  >:D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LibChick on June 10, 2011, 09:07:20 PM
I know two guys (P & A) that are very good friends with each other and love the movie Halloween. There's a line in it where some boys are teasing another little boy and they say, "Your Mummy's a mummy." Well P's mother passed away and we were all sitting at a table at the gathering after the funeral. A turns to P and says, "Is it too early... YOUR MUMMY'S A MUMMY!" We all start cracking up, P included.

We were all a pretty macabre bunch with sick senses of humor.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on June 11, 2011, 03:04:26 PM
DH just proudly notified me that he'd remembered to send Ecards to his and my dads for Father's day.

"Yeah, I saw that. But hon, Father's day is NEXT weekend...."  ;D ;D

Cue DH  ??? ??? and quickly checking the calendar.

"Oh. Well, I'll just tell them I clicked on the wrong Sunday"  :D :D

At least he won't be upset when there is no big celebration for him tomorrow!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: GIR on June 11, 2011, 10:23:53 PM
I am the proud owner of 2 lovely dogs.
Bit of BG: DH and i had to put our oldest dog down about 1.5 yrs ago. Leaving us with Bailey our 11 yr old neutered Aussie Shepherd. About 1 year ago we got a new pup Domino who at the time was not fixed.

DH and I take the pups camping great times are had by all. Domino is in heat whilst we are there, bailey spends much of his time either chasing squirrels or *ahem* chasing tail (aka Domino). Our last afternoon there DH and I plus a couple of friends are enjoying a couple drinks while the dogs play. Suddenly we look up and Bailey finally after many unsuccessful years of trying has managed to "score" with Domino. Of course anyone who has seen dogs in this particular position knows they get stuck together.

Picture it if you will : Domino biting Bailey to get him off......Bailey trying to run away but ending up dragging domino around with him because he's still attached to her. Domino then attempts to run away dragging bailey by his crotch. So we have both dogs trying to run away from one another while myself and our friends laugh riotously and DH grabbing the water bowl and splashing the connection point. At which the dogs both separated...... Domino looking rather violated and Bailey hobbling around bow legged for the next hour or so.
 I still get the giggles just remembering that day.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on June 11, 2011, 11:22:35 PM
This very night I was reading my "Criminal Profiling" text book.  While reading a very serious case report, I nearly choked on my Coke.  Why?  In the middle of a report on guts and gore, the words "...while playing a game of Scrabble" appeared.  It completely caught me off guard as I was NOT thinking about the board game but was easily able to think about "playing Scrabble" while reading about guts and gore.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on June 11, 2011, 11:23:13 PM
I am the proud owner of 2 lovely dogs.
Bit of BG: DH and i had to put our oldest dog down about 1.5 yrs ago. Leaving us with Bailey our 11 yr old neutered Aussie Shepherd. About 1 year ago we got a new pup Domino who at the time was not fixed.

DH and I take the pups camping great times are had by all. Domino is in heat whilst we are there, bailey spends much of his time either chasing squirrels or *ahem* chasing tail (aka Domino). Our last afternoon there DH and I plus a couple of friends are enjoying a couple drinks while the dogs play. Suddenly we look up and Bailey finally after many unsuccessful years of trying has managed to "score" with Domino. Of course anyone who has seen dogs in this particular position knows they get stuck together.

Picture it if you will : Domino biting Bailey to get him off......Bailey trying to run away but ending up dragging domino around with him because he's still attached to her. Domino then attempts to run away dragging bailey by his crotch. So we have both dogs trying to run away from one another while myself and our friends laugh riotously and DH grabbing the water bowl and splashing the connection point. At which the dogs both separated...... Domino looking rather violated and Bailey hobbling around bow legged for the next hour or so.
 I still get the giggles just remembering that day.

That's just knot right.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: NutMeg on June 12, 2011, 12:00:35 AM
Actually, the AAS runs crisis centers, and tries to educate people about the signs that a friend or loved one may be contemplating suicide, and educate the general public about suicide prevention. One of my coworkers is a past president of the AAS, and has actually written a textbook (released late last year) about grief and suicide, and caring for the survivors (NOT the people that attempted suicide and lived, but the friends and family that were left behind after a loved one completed suicide).

They also make recommendations about training and counselling techniques for counsellors dealing with suicide (both those who are suicidal and those who have been left behind), based on current research in the field. 

In 11th grade during an Honors class, we were watching a video by Mike Moore (not Austin Powers one).  We were in the dark auditorium, about sixty of us, and I was sitting right in the middle.  I was not what one would call popular, but I was well known simply for being me.  Anyhow, he was interviewing this woman about her rabbits.  She was holding one, petting it, cooing to it.  Then cut shot and she's clobbering it with a huge wooden club, apparently to make stew.  I cackled.  I have a very distinct cackle, everyone knows it was me.  I'm sitting there howling simply because I was not expecting that in the least.  Of all the things that could have happened next, that was not it.  I'm cackling my one of a kind cackle, and the girls in front of me are crying and admonishing me.  That did not stop me from laughing.

That's because the Austin Powers one is Mike Meyers. :)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on June 12, 2011, 02:52:45 PM
Nutmeg, bee-haaaaave, it's Mike Myers :P
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on June 12, 2011, 06:18:21 PM
Quote
That's because the Austin Powers one is Mike Meyers. :)

Oops!  In my head, I was differentiating between Mike Meyers (Austin Powers) and Mike Meyers (Halloween character)...I don't know how I got Mike Moore in between those two; I'm going to blame it on sleep and nutritional deprivation.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on June 12, 2011, 06:25:23 PM
Quote
That's because the Austin Powers one is Mike Meyers. :)

Oops!  In my head, I was differentiating between Mike Meyers (Austin Powers) and Mike Meyers (Halloween character)...I don't know how I got Mike Moore in between those two; I'm going to blame it on sleep and nutritional deprivation.

That's because the Halloween one is Michael Myers.  :)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Information_queen on June 12, 2011, 09:13:31 PM
I am the proud owner of 2 lovely dogs.
Bit of BG: DH and i had to put our oldest dog down about 1.5 yrs ago. Leaving us with Bailey our 11 yr old neutered Aussie Shepherd. About 1 year ago we got a new pup Domino who at the time was not fixed.

DH and I take the pups camping great times are had by all. Domino is in heat whilst we are there, bailey spends much of his time either chasing squirrels or *ahem* chasing tail (aka Domino). Our last afternoon there DH and I plus a couple of friends are enjoying a couple drinks while the dogs play. Suddenly we look up and Bailey finally after many unsuccessful years of trying has managed to "score" with Domino. Of course anyone who has seen dogs in this particular position knows they get stuck together.

Picture it if you will : Domino biting Bailey to get him off......Bailey trying to run away but ending up dragging domino around with him because he's still attached to her. Domino then attempts to run away dragging bailey by his crotch. So we have both dogs trying to run away from one another while myself and our friends laugh riotously and DH grabbing the water bowl and splashing the connection point. At which the dogs both separated...... Domino looking rather violated and Bailey hobbling around bow legged for the next hour or so.
 I still get the giggles just remembering that day.

That's just knot right.

I see what you did there ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: NutMeg on June 13, 2011, 03:19:33 AM
Nutmeg, bee-haaaaave, it's Mike Myers :P

Drat! I knew posting after that beer was a bad idea! :P
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on June 13, 2011, 04:38:52 AM
Nutmeg, bee-haaaaave, it's Mike Myers :P

Drat! I knew posting after that beer was a bad idea! :P

I posted mine with a hangover from wine. :P
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: shadowfox79 on June 13, 2011, 06:21:13 AM
After just over a year of terminal cancer, my father had just passed away. Mum, Aunt, DH and I came home from the hospice and sat down in the living room in that state of "what the hell do we do now" that comes before you realise just how much needs to be done and panic.

In an attempt to break the silence, I switched the TV on. Up came a midday talk show with Gareth Gates just beginning his Bollywood-inspired cover version of "Spirit in the Sky".

"When I die and they lay me to rest..."

I had to go and hide in the kitchen with DH so we could crack up laughing. It was either that or cry, I suppose.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on June 13, 2011, 06:55:51 AM
After just over a year of terminal cancer, my father had just passed away. Mum, Aunt, DH and I came home from the hospice and sat down in the living room in that state of "what the hell do we do now" that comes before you realise just how much needs to be done and panic.

In an attempt to break the silence, I switched the TV on. Up came a midday talk show with Gareth Gates just beginning his Bollywood-inspired cover version of "Spirit in the Sky".

"When I die and they lay me to rest..."

I had to go and hide in the kitchen with DH so we could crack up laughing. It was either that or cry, I suppose.

When Mom died, I got a wicked flu bug right after (I swear it was from the hospital... whose idea was it to stick all the sick people in a building full of germs?  Oh, wait).  The whole week from her death up to actually receiving her ashes is a complete and utter blur.  I still waffle between that being good or bad.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: purplemuse on June 13, 2011, 11:49:33 AM
The hated commercials thread made me think of this.

A few years back, I ended up at urgent care with anxiety problems (this was just before I was officially diagnosed). They gave me some Zoloft to get me through a few days.

I was feeling kind of embarrassed and sad about the whole anxiety thing, and was talking about it with my sister when I mentioned the Zoloft. So she, in this very perky tone responds that I'm "like the cute little blob on the commercials!"

Hopefully it's not something she would ever say to a stranger, but it made me giggle, and helped me on the road to accepting the antidepressants in my life.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on June 16, 2011, 06:40:27 PM
A friend of mine just lost her kitten to a dryer accident. Of course that's not funny, but it reminded me of a story about a similar tragedy that happened to the friend of a friend, my friend told me about. Her friend lost her cat to a dryer accident as well. While the dryer was going, she could hear a thumping noise, but assumed it was an just an old pair of tennis shoes that she had put in the dryer.....very darkly humorous. BUT the lady who lost the cat has joked about that part of it too even though she was devastated.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Peggy Gus on June 16, 2011, 08:36:29 PM
A friend of mine just lost her kitten to a dryer accident. Of course that's not funny, but it reminded me of a story about a similar tragedy that happened to the friend of a friend, my friend told me about. Her friend lost her cat to a dryer accident as well. While the dryer was going, she could hear a thumping noise, but assumed it was an just an old pair of tennis shoes that she had put in the dryer.....very darkly humorous. BUT the lady who lost the cat has joked about that part of it too even though she was devastated.

Sorry, but its not funny at all.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Wendy Moira Angela Pan on June 16, 2011, 09:10:03 PM
A friend of mine just lost her kitten to a dryer accident. Of course that's not funny, but it reminded me of a story about a similar tragedy that happened to the friend of a friend, my friend told me about. Her friend lost her cat to a dryer accident as well. While the dryer was going, she could hear a thumping noise, but assumed it was an just an old pair of tennis shoes that she had put in the dryer.....very darkly humorous. BUT the lady who lost the cat has joked about that part of it too even though she was devastated.

Sorry, but its not funny at all.

The entire thread is devoted to things you shouldn't laugh about. I think it's a little unfair to decide that this particular dark humor is not okay.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on June 16, 2011, 09:22:56 PM
A friend of mine just lost her kitten to a dryer accident. Of course that's not funny, but it reminded me of a story about a similar tragedy that happened to the friend of a friend, my friend told me about. Her friend lost her cat to a dryer accident as well. While the dryer was going, she could hear a thumping noise, but assumed it was an just an old pair of tennis shoes that she had put in the dryer.....very darkly humorous. BUT the lady who lost the cat has joked about that part of it too even though she was devastated.

Sorry, but its not funny at all.

The entire thread is devoted to things you shouldn't laugh about. I think it's a little unfair to decide that this particular dark humor is not okay.

I think the issue is that some of us aren't seeing what's supposed to be funny.  There's no joke, you know?  No specific commentary or circumstances that led to amusement, that I can see.  I laugh at all sorts of inappropriate and awful things, but I don't see what's amusing about killing kittens.  Maybe it lost something in the telling.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Luci on June 16, 2011, 10:19:33 PM
Not too long after my mother died, Dad and I went to order the tombstone. I was 24 and had my 4 month old daughter with me.

The saleswoman said something about the graves close to my mom's (and dad's) and they were very nice people.

God help me, but I giggled "It's always good to have nice neighbors."

Daddy still loved me. He is resting comfortably now.

(It's OK to say 'saleswoman' because it was the 60's.)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Peggy Gus on June 17, 2011, 07:45:16 AM
A friend of mine just lost her kitten to a dryer accident. Of course that's not funny, but it reminded me of a story about a similar tragedy that happened to the friend of a friend, my friend told me about. Her friend lost her cat to a dryer accident as well. While the dryer was going, she could hear a thumping noise, but assumed it was an just an old pair of tennis shoes that she had put in the dryer.....very darkly humorous. BUT the lady who lost the cat has joked about that part of it too even though she was devastated.

Sorry, but its not funny at all.

The entire thread is devoted to things you shouldn't laugh about. I think it's a little unfair to decide that this particular dark humor is not okay.

I think the issue is that some of us aren't seeing what's supposed to be funny.  There's no joke, you know?  No specific commentary or circumstances that led to amusement, that I can see.  I laugh at all sorts of inappropriate and awful things, but I don't see what's amusing about killing kittens.  Maybe it lost something in the telling.

What Rainha said, I just don't see the joke.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Bethalize on June 17, 2011, 08:02:15 AM
Kittens in the dryer - it's more that I don't know the reference. It's not funny on it's own, but does it refer to something I haven't seen before? Such as a scene in a movie.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: lipli on June 17, 2011, 10:24:37 AM
My uncle (by marriage) is Jewish.  He married into my family which is decidedly not (pork is one of the main food groups).  We have this little family tradition where we do a $5 gift grab at Thanksgiving (everyone donates a bizarre $5 gift, we pick numbers and do the "pick a new gift or steal someone else's). We wrap them so you can't tell what is inside. The goal is to either find something bizarre or Thanksgiving.  I always go for the bizarre.  >:D  But what happened wasn't planned, I swear!

So first year boyfriend/now-fiancee goes home with me for Thanksgiving, I buy a $5 gift for each of us so we both could participate.  I was at this strange store that had a lot of bizarre yet cheap items.  I found a 3 foot gummy snake and bacon flavored jelly beans.  I stick each in similar looking bags and off we go.  You'll never in a thousand million years guess who got the jelly beans.  Yep, my Jewish uncle who doesn't eat pork.  I felt 1/2 way bad as I didn't mean the gift to be insulting but it was hilarious that the only one in the family who doesn't eat pork got the bacon jelly beans.  My aunt (his wife) still laughs about it.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on June 17, 2011, 11:06:12 AM
My uncle (by marriage) is Jewish.  He married into my family which is decidedly not (pork is one of the main food groups).  We have this little family tradition where we do a $5 gift grab at Thanksgiving (everyone donates a bizarre $5 gift, we pick numbers and do the "pick a new gift or steal someone else's). We wrap them so you can't tell what is inside. The goal is to either find something bizarre or Thanksgiving.  I always go for the bizarre.  >:D  But what happened wasn't planned, I swear!

So first year boyfriend/now-fiancee goes home with me for Thanksgiving, I buy a $5 gift for each of us so we both could participate.  I was at this strange store that had a lot of bizarre yet cheap items.  I found a 3 foot gummy snake and bacon flavored jelly beans.  I stick each in similar looking bags and off we go.  You'll never in a thousand million years guess who got the jelly beans.  Yep, my Jewish uncle who doesn't eat pork.  I felt 1/2 way bad as I didn't mean the gift to be insulting but it was hilarious that the only one in the family who doesn't eat pork got the bacon jelly beans.  My aunt (his wife) still laughs about it.

They're bacon-flavored right?  Was there any actual pork in them?  'Cause if not, that's actually a super gift... get to see what you've been missing with no religious guilt.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LazyDaisy on June 17, 2011, 01:14:40 PM
Are jelly beans Kosher? I thought that the gelatin that makes them jelly is not Kosher. (this could probably go in the stupid question thread)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on June 17, 2011, 01:16:28 PM
Are jelly beans Kosher? I thought that the gelatin that makes them jelly is not Kosher. (this could probably go in the stupid question thread)

I don't know if all of their products are, but this page  (http://www.jellybelly.com/candies/Kosher) lists a pretty full line of kosher Jelly Belly stuff.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on June 17, 2011, 02:15:08 PM
Not too long after my mother died, Dad and I went to order the tombstone. I was 24 and had my 4 month old daughter with me.

The saleswoman said something about the graves close to my mom's (and dad's) and they were very nice people.

God help me, but I giggled "It's always good to have nice neighbors."

Daddy still loved me. He is resting comfortably now.

(It's OK to say 'saleswoman' because it was the 60's.)

Oh, I was watching a TV show where the couple was attempting to buy space in a ritzy masoleum and the couple who was selling their spot wanted to meet them and check them out to make sure that they were the "right kind of people" to spend eternity near.

There's just something hysterically funny to me about wanting to choose my neighbors even AFTER I'm dead. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: lipli on June 17, 2011, 03:57:11 PM
My uncle (by marriage) is Jewish.  He married into my family which is decidedly not (pork is one of the main food groups).  We have this little family tradition where we do a $5 gift grab at Thanksgiving (everyone donates a bizarre $5 gift, we pick numbers and do the "pick a new gift or steal someone else's). We wrap them so you can't tell what is inside. The goal is to either find something bizarre or Thanksgiving.  I always go for the bizarre.  >:D  But what happened wasn't planned, I swear!

So first year boyfriend/now-fiancee goes home with me for Thanksgiving, I buy a $5 gift for each of us so we both could participate.  I was at this strange store that had a lot of bizarre yet cheap items.  I found a 3 foot gummy snake and bacon flavored jelly beans.  I stick each in similar looking bags and off we go.  You'll never in a thousand million years guess who got the jelly beans.  Yep, my Jewish uncle who doesn't eat pork.  I felt 1/2 way bad as I didn't mean the gift to be insulting but it was hilarious that the only one in the family who doesn't eat pork got the bacon jelly beans.  My aunt (his wife) still laughs about it.

They're bacon-flavored right?  Was there any actual pork in them?  'Cause if not, that's actually a super gift... get to see what you've been missing with no religious guilt.

I'm not sure.  I know nothing about the bacon-jelly-bean creation process so I don't know if they did or didn't.  He wasn't fully kosher.  Just no pork.  But he didn't see it as a super-gift.   :-\
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on June 17, 2011, 04:08:32 PM
My uncle (by marriage) is Jewish.  He married into my family which is decidedly not (pork is one of the main food groups).  We have this little family tradition where we do a $5 gift grab at Thanksgiving (everyone donates a bizarre $5 gift, we pick numbers and do the "pick a new gift or steal someone else's). We wrap them so you can't tell what is inside. The goal is to either find something bizarre or Thanksgiving.  I always go for the bizarre.  >:D  But what happened wasn't planned, I swear!

So first year boyfriend/now-fiancee goes home with me for Thanksgiving, I buy a $5 gift for each of us so we both could participate.  I was at this strange store that had a lot of bizarre yet cheap items.  I found a 3 foot gummy snake and bacon flavored jelly beans.  I stick each in similar looking bags and off we go.  You'll never in a thousand million years guess who got the jelly beans.  Yep, my Jewish uncle who doesn't eat pork.  I felt 1/2 way bad as I didn't mean the gift to be insulting but it was hilarious that the only one in the family who doesn't eat pork got the bacon jelly beans.  My aunt (his wife) still laughs about it.

They're bacon-flavored right?  Was there any actual pork in them?  'Cause if not, that's actually a super gift... get to see what you've been missing with no religious guilt.

I'm not sure.  I know nothing about the bacon-jelly-bean creation process so I don't know if they did or didn't.  He wasn't fully kosher.  Just no pork.  But he didn't see it as a super-gift.   :-\


Well, that's a shame for sure.  I'm just saying, if I had a food I couldn't ever eat, but a way I could see what it tastes like, I'd love to try it.  Although, I guess the problem is what if you *really* like it...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on June 17, 2011, 04:21:04 PM
So a priest and a rabbi are discussing their religious restrictions.

The priest asks the rabbi if he'd ever tried pork. The rabbi says, "I have to confess, I was in a diner once, and the bacon smelled so good, and I was curious, so I had a piece.

"What about you? Have you ever broken your vow of celibacy?"

"Certainly not!"

"You should. It's a lot better than bacon!"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on June 17, 2011, 04:26:43 PM
So a priest and a rabbi are discussing their religious restrictions.

The priest asks the rabbi if he'd ever tried pork. The rabbi says, "I have to confess, I was in a diner once, and the bacon smelled so good, and I was curious, so I had a piece.

"What about you? Have you ever broken your vow of celibacy?"

"Certainly not!"

"You should. It's a lot better than bacon!"

LOL!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: bobsyouruncle on June 17, 2011, 08:12:29 PM
A friend of mine just lost her kitten to a dryer accident. Of course that's not funny, but it reminded me of a story about a similar tragedy that happened to the friend of a friend, my friend told me about. Her friend lost her cat to a dryer accident as well. While the dryer was going, she could hear a thumping noise, but assumed it was an just an old pair of tennis shoes that she had put in the dryer.....very darkly humorous. BUT the lady who lost the cat has joked about that part of it too even though she was devastated.

I don't get what would be funny about this - it's just sad, am I missing something?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Brentwood on June 17, 2011, 08:46:35 PM
Not too long after my mother died, Dad and I went to order the tombstone. I was 24 and had my 4 month old daughter with me.

The saleswoman said something about the graves close to my mom's (and dad's) and they were very nice people.

God help me, but I giggled "It's always good to have nice neighbors."

Daddy still loved me. He is resting comfortably now.

(It's OK to say 'saleswoman' because it was the 60's.)

In your shoes, I would also have found that funny - and oddly comforting.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Bob Ducca on June 17, 2011, 08:55:51 PM
Not too long after my mother died, Dad and I went to order the tombstone. I was 24 and had my 4 month old daughter with me.

The saleswoman said something about the graves close to my mom's (and dad's) and they were very nice people.

God help me, but I giggled "It's always good to have nice neighbors."

Daddy still loved me. He is resting comfortably now.

(It's OK to say 'saleswoman' because it was the 60's.)

In your shoes, I would also have found that funny - and oddly comforting.

When we were choosing a burial plot for my dad, there was a new grave next to one of the ones we were considering.  It was so new that there was no headstone, just a little plastic stake with a typewritten name attached.  The cemetery director leaned over and read aloud, "Jose... Cruz!" 

My dad's favorite baseball player in the '80's was a Houston Astro named Jose Cruz, and the announcer used to always say it with that pause ("Jose... CROOOOOOOOOOOZ!") and it just struck us all as funny.  My DH and I were there with my Mom, and he and I almost started laughing, then my mom let out a giggle.  She said, "That's the one."  I'm sure the cemetery director thought we were crazy, but we felt a lot better.  So Dad is buried next to Jose Cruz.  I smile at that every time I go out there.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Carnation on June 17, 2011, 09:29:59 PM
This happened today. 

My mother's 82 year old husband wavers between being rational and suffering from dementia. 

He accompanied my mother to her bank.  As they were walking up the front walk, they got behind one of the tellers, who was also entering the bank.   The shopping newspaper had been delivered and was lying on the walk.

The female teller bent over to pick up the newspaper and my mother's husband gave her a resounding slap on the derriere.

My mother was horrified and apologized profusely, but she's been banking there for years and everyone knows about her husband.   So no offense was taken.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: NutMeg on June 18, 2011, 02:24:23 AM
Nutmeg, bee-haaaaave, it's Mike Myers :P

Drat! I knew posting after that beer was a bad idea! :P

I posted mine with a hangover from wine. :P

I also read that as bee hive. Which was perplexing and then funny.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on June 18, 2011, 07:01:32 AM
Nutmeg, bee-haaaaave, it's Mike Myers :P

Drat! I knew posting after that beer was a bad idea! :P

I posted mine with a hangover from wine. :P

I also read that as bee hive. Which was perplexing and then funny.

Oh dear lol!!!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hermanne on June 21, 2011, 08:42:25 PM
My mom reminded me of this one.

Her dad was a German soldier during WW II. While in Russia, his troop had orders to shoot everyone in whatever town they came to. They were told to "aim for the left nipple."

He said the old women were refered to as "knee-shot".
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on June 22, 2011, 04:52:15 AM
My mom reminded me of this one.

Her dad was a German soldier during WW II. While in Russia, his troop had orders to shoot everyone in whatever town they came to. They were told to "aim for the left nipple."

He said the old women were refered to as "knee-shot".

I know I shouldn't have, but I did.  Where shall I send the bill for the Coke I just wasted on my monitor?   ;D Just kidding.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on June 22, 2011, 03:27:50 PM
This is funny why??
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on June 22, 2011, 04:12:45 PM
I took a message for Mr Bossman today. Very precise message taken at 10.22am. I forgot to put patient's name on message, along with phone number for Mr Bossman to phone back caller. Babybrain is real. I had to laugh when he looked really confused and said "How do I call them back?!?"

I shouldn't really have laughed but it was either that or cry!!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: blue2000 on June 22, 2011, 04:19:23 PM
This is funny why??


Because most older women are *ahem* a little droopy. Possibly right down to the knees.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: bobsyouruncle on June 22, 2011, 05:35:55 PM
This is funny why??

I don't know, it made me chuckle but the dead kittens still have me scratching my head - I guess everyone's not going to agree on every "joke" ya know?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on June 22, 2011, 05:45:46 PM
In Soviet Russia, kittens kill YOU through criminal negligence.

Or genocide.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Luci on June 22, 2011, 05:56:17 PM
Our Early Responders Team is on tornado cleanup right now. Our Safety Officer gave us the usual reminders about testing footing before bearing down, wearing our hardhats and breathing masks and keeping hydrated.

Two hours later he was in the Emergency Room with heat exhaustion.

(He is now a fan of Gatorade.)



Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on June 22, 2011, 06:03:38 PM
Our Early Responders Team is on tornado cleanup right now. Our Safety Officer gave us the usual reminders about testing footing before bearing down, wearing our hardhats and breathing masks and keeping hydrated.

Two hours later he was in the Emergency Room with heat exhaustion.

(He is now a fan of Gatorade.)

I'm a huge fan of Gatorade... when I'm sick.  I drink nothing but Gatorade and eat nothing but cream of chicken soup.  The Gatorade... well, it's designed to rehydrate you, and when I'm sick I...uh, yeah.  The cream of chicken soup?  It's a magical potion in a can.  Really, the stuff works wonders.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Poirot on June 22, 2011, 07:11:44 PM
This is funny why??

I have to admit that I don't find every single thing in this thread funny, but many, MANY of them are macabrely (sp?) hilarious. What I don't get is why you are challenging them?

Do you think we should all be policing each other people's posts? If so, IMO, please do it via PM as it's very distracting to me, personally.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on June 23, 2011, 11:36:29 AM
Mangled baby ducks! 

(obSNL reference)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on June 23, 2011, 01:19:21 PM
This is funny why??

I have to admit that I don't find every single thing in this thread funny, but many, MANY of them are macabrely (sp?) hilarious. What I don't get is why you are challenging them?

Do you think we should all be policing each other people's posts? If so, IMO, please do it via PM as it's very distracting to me, personally.

I have to admit that I do agree with you despite my actions yesterday. It is very distracting to have people challenge one another on these jokes.

From now on, can we please all agree to PM each other priately with our differences re this thread? That would solve the problem and not derail the thread..

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Carnation on June 23, 2011, 03:01:19 PM
This is funny why??

It's very disturbing. :'(
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Gabrielle on June 23, 2011, 07:26:41 PM
How about - if we don't find it funny, we don't post or drink a coke. If someone has posted it then obviously THEY find it funny. I think you take the chance that something might disturb you in a thread titled like this one.
I come to this thread to see things that you just should NOT laugh at, not everyone arguing about whether it's funny.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: suzieQ on June 23, 2011, 07:36:43 PM
I'm glad someone asked about the knee-shot though. I didn't get it until the explanation and then was glad I didn't have anything in my mouth!  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Poirot on June 23, 2011, 07:39:16 PM
How about - if we don't find it funny, we don't post or drink a coke. If someone has posted it then obviously THEY find it funny. I think you take the chance that something might disturb you in a thread titled like this one.
I come to this thread to see things that you just should NOT laugh at, not everyone arguing about whether it's funny.

Good plan!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: M-theory on June 23, 2011, 07:50:40 PM
I'm glad someone asked about the knee-shot though. I didn't get it until the explanation and then was glad I didn't have anything in my mouth!  ;D

Same!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Outdoor Girl on June 24, 2011, 08:48:48 AM
I only knew because of a somewhat macabre joke I was told years ago:

An elderly woman lost her husband of many years and decided that she just couldn't go on without him.  She decided to shoot herself in the heart.  But she wasn't sure exactly where it was so she called her doctor to ask.  He told her that her heart was located just to the left of center, under her left breast.

She was admitted to hospital that night with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on June 27, 2011, 01:48:59 PM
I only knew because of a somewhat macabre joke I was told years ago:

An elderly woman lost her husband of many years and decided that she just couldn't go on without him.  She decided to shoot herself in the heart.  But she wasn't sure exactly where it was so she called her doctor to ask.  He told her that her heart was located just to the left of center, under her left breast.

She was admitted to hospital that night with a gunshot wound to her left knee.

Now see?  I'm fairly sure that I shouldn't have laughed at THAT because it's just wrong on so many levels.

And yet, here I am, rolling around on the floor, cackling like a knee-shot crone.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: MrTango on June 27, 2011, 02:50:27 PM
When I was in Boy Scouts, I took a job for a summer as a camp counselor.  One of the requirements of this position was that I go through lifeguard training.

A portion of this training consists of blocks and escapes, sometimes referred to as "underwater judo."  These are techniques used to get away from someone who is panicked and threatening to take you underwater, and are seldom necessary as we should be using floatation devices for rescues.

During the testing, I had to get away from aquatics director.  This guy grabbed me from behind (by my head) and had me in a very strong grip.  I managed to get my head out from his grip and used my feet to "push" away from him in order to surface out of his reach.

Because of how hard and fast he grabbed me, I had a bit of adrenaline going and managed to not only push myself down farther than I thought, but I kicked rather than pushed.  The result was the aquatics director doubling over in pain as my foot missed his abdomen and ended up a bit...lower.  :-[
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ferrets on June 27, 2011, 05:27:14 PM
My dad was telling me about a board-gaming get-together he'd been to, where he ended up sitting down with some strangers for a round of Nuns on the Run (http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/65515/nuns-on-the-run). After introductions and a flick through the rules...

Other Player: "Now, I think that instead of rolling the dice to allocate first turn, we should actually give first turn to the player with the closest connection to nuns. And," [smugly] "I used to be a caretaker at a convent. So..."

Dad: [with relish at this absolute gift of an opening line he's been given] "Well, I can beat you all. I married a nun."*

Cue rather shocked silence, and a wordless passing of the dice to him.

*Sort-of true: Mum was a postulant in a convent for some time in her youth, before deciding against taking the veil. ;)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Fleur-de-Lis on June 27, 2011, 05:28:59 PM
My dad was telling me about a board-gaming get-together he'd been to, where he ended up sitting down with some strangers for a round of Nuns on the Run (http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/65515/nuns-on-the-run). After introductions and a flick through the rules...

Other Player: "Now, I think that instead of rolling the dice to allocate first turn, we should actually give first turn to the player with the closest connection to nuns. And," [smugly] "I used to be a caretaker at a convent. So..."

Dad: [with relish at this absolute gift of an opening line he's been given] "Well, I can beat you all. I married a nun."*

Cue rather shocked silence, and a wordless passing of the dice to him.

*Sort-of true: Mum was a postulant in a convent for some time in her youth, before deciding against taking the veil. ;)

That's close enough in my book. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on June 27, 2011, 05:50:37 PM
My dad was telling me about a board-gaming get-together he'd been to, where he ended up sitting down with some strangers for a round of Nuns on the Run (http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/65515/nuns-on-the-run). After introductions and a flick through the rules...

Other Player: "Now, I think that instead of rolling the dice to allocate first turn, we should actually give first turn to the player with the closest connection to nuns. And," [smugly] "I used to be a caretaker at a convent. So..."

Dad: [with relish at this absolute gift of an opening line he's been given] "Well, I can beat you all. I married a nun."*

Cue rather shocked silence, and a wordless passing of the dice to him.

*Sort-of true: Mum was a postulant in a convent for some time in her youth, before deciding against taking the veil. ;)

That's close enough in my book. 

Suddenly 100 points for a pregnant nun seems completely possible...  Or am I the only one who played the points game while driving?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ferrets on June 27, 2011, 05:50:59 PM
That's close enough in my book.  

[grin] Whilst an Atheist+Nun Marriage is not one most people would be inclined to stake their life savings on lasting, they're still very happy thirty-one years on. :)

Suddenly 100 points for a pregnant nun seems completely possible...

Ha! ;D

And because it reminded me... In the spirit of Religious Things You Just Should Not Laugh At, may I recommend the Ship of Fools (http://www.ship-of-fools.com/index.html) collection of Gadgets For God (http://www.ship-of-fools.com/gadgets/index.html). Highlights include the Footballing Jesus (http://www.ship-of-fools.com/gadgets/devotional/174.html), the Punching Amish Glove-Puppet (http://www.ship-of-fools.com/gadgets/toys_pets_games/076.html), the St. Sebastian Pincushion (http://www.ship-of-fools.com/gadgets/devotional/175_1.html), and - one of my personal favourites - the Ten Plagues Finger-Puppets (http://www.ship-of-fools.com/gadgets/toys_pets_games/146.html).

Shush, I'm a Catholic; I'm ALLOWED to laugh at this stuff for the brief moment prior to being struck by lightning.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Shoo on June 27, 2011, 05:59:50 PM
This is funny why??

I don't know, it made me chuckle but the dead kittens still have me scratching my head - I guess everyone's not going to agree on every "joke" ya know?

It wasn't the dead kittens that was funny (dead kittens are not funny, of course) -- it was the thumping in the dryer that the lady thought was a shoe or something.  It is very dark humor, but it made me snort when I read it. 

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on June 27, 2011, 06:03:20 PM
This is funny why??

I don't know, it made me chuckle but the dead kittens still have me scratching my head - I guess everyone's not going to agree on every "joke" ya know?

It wasn't the dead kittens that was funny (dead kittens are not funny, of course) -- it was the thumping in the dryer that the lady thought was a shoe or something.  It is very dark humor, but it made me snort when I read it. 

That's how I understood it but then no one else got the humour so I thought I must have been wrong.  Thanks for clarifying!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 27, 2011, 07:50:34 PM
I think nuns are hilarious and have decided that, if I'm still pregnant around Halloween (Baby's due 10/31 according to most recent u/s but our neighborhood will likely do the T or T the Friday night prior.) then I might dress up as a pregnant nun.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on June 27, 2011, 09:37:25 PM
I think nuns are hilarious and have decided that, if I'm still pregnant around Halloween (Baby's due 10/31 according to most recent u/s but our neighborhood will likely do the T or T the Friday night prior.) then I might dress up as a pregnant nun.

The last Halloween party I was at, the hostess was in a pregnant nun costume.  Best part was that the fake pregnant belly came with a sticking out belly button so there was a little belly button bump in the middle of her habit.  It made me snort everytime I looked over at her.

I think you should ensure that your costume is just tight enough through the belly for the belly button bump!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Reika on June 28, 2011, 04:46:34 AM
The nun stories remindsme of a story a friend of mine told me when I was in college.

The year before her roommate was going to a halloween party one of the frats was throwing and decided to dress up as a nun. My friend didn't go since she had mono (past the infectious stage, but still feeling pretty rotten) and went to bed fairly early.

Her roomie comes in the wee hours of the morning at least three sheets to the wind, friend helped roomie get to her bed and said "Before you go to sleep, we need to get the costume off first."

Roomie gives her a confuzzled look and said, "Costume, what costume?"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on June 28, 2011, 03:08:53 PM
There's an old guy in our local pub that everyone calls Elvis. Mainly because he sings Elvis songs. He's drunk all the time. The bar staff tolerate Elvis until he gets to a certain point. Tonight, he got to that point. Wailing "Wonder of You" at the top of his voice, stumbling and staggering around, he knocked 6 chairs over and upset 3 pints. For the big note at the end he tried to get down on one knee and serenade me but completely misjudged and ended up sitting straight back down on the sofa (how?? I don't know!). I had to giggle at his expression, bless him. I wouldn't have noticed that after a few white wines. Being sober makes me more observant!!!

Good old Elvis. We love him!

Maybe it's bad of me to giggle at an old drunk man, but the expression on his face was so sweet!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on June 28, 2011, 04:16:28 PM
There's an old guy in our local pub that everyone calls Elvis. Mainly because he sings Elvis songs. He's drunk all the time. The bar staff tolerate Elvis until he gets to a certain point. Tonight, he got to that point. Wailing "Wonder of You" at the top of his voice, stumbling and staggering around, he knocked 6 chairs over and upset 3 pints. For the big note at the end he tried to get down on one knee and serenade me but completely misjudged and ended up sitting straight back down on the sofa (how?? I don't know!). I had to giggle at his expression, bless him. I wouldn't have noticed that after a few white wines. Being sober makes me more observant!!!

Good old Elvis. We love him!

Maybe it's bad of me to giggle at an old drunk man, but the expression on his face was so sweet!!

Oh my gosh, there was an 'Elvis' in one of my local pubs!  I don't think he sang but he was an Elvis.  Same hair, clothes, name...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on June 28, 2011, 09:11:42 PM
I belong to a large job support group. Today during networking time, two members got into it right beside me. Then networking time ended, and we all re-assembled and sat down to listen to our speaker (who did not hear the fight happening beside me). The first thing out of the speaker's mouth was about people needing an attitude adjustment. The timing was priceless...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Carnation on June 28, 2011, 09:49:33 PM
When I was in Boy Scouts, I took a job for a summer as a camp counselor.  One of the requirements of this position was that I go through lifeguard training.

A portion of this training consists of blocks and escapes, sometimes referred to as "underwater judo."  These are techniques used to get away from someone who is panicked and threatening to take you underwater, and are seldom necessary as we should be using floatation devices for rescues.

During the testing, I had to get away from aquatics director.  This guy grabbed me from behind (by my head) and had me in a very strong grip.  I managed to get my head out from his grip and used my feet to "push" away from him in order to surface out of his reach.

Because of how hard and fast he grabbed me, I had a bit of adrenaline going and managed to not only push myself down farther than I thought, but I kicked rather than pushed.  The result was the aquatics director doubling over in pain as my foot missed his abdomen and ended up a bit...lower.  :-[

But you got away from him! :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on June 30, 2011, 12:26:04 PM
When I was in Boy Scouts, I took a job for a summer as a camp counselor.  One of the requirements of this position was that I go through lifeguard training.

A portion of this training consists of blocks and escapes, sometimes referred to as "underwater judo."  These are techniques used to get away from someone who is panicked and threatening to take you underwater, and are seldom necessary as we should be using floatation devices for rescues.

During the testing, I had to get away from aquatics director.  This guy grabbed me from behind (by my head) and had me in a very strong grip.  I managed to get my head out from his grip and used my feet to "push" away from him in order to surface out of his reach.

Because of how hard and fast he grabbed me, I had a bit of adrenaline going and managed to not only push myself down farther than I thought, but I kicked rather than pushed.  The result was the aquatics director doubling over in pain as my foot missed his abdomen and ended up a bit...lower.  :-[

Back when I was in Tae Kwon Do, I had a rather impressive high kick. I could kick above my own head level, straight up, with a great deal of speed and force. It worked well in sparring to get someone to back up if they were starting to crowd me.

One day I was sparring a man who was much larger than me, and he was trying to crowd me back into the corner of the room, so I did my high front kick..and he stepped right into it as my foot was on the way up. Crack!! right between the legs. He was wearing a protective cup, but those only protect you so much. He turned red, then purple, then white, and slowly tipped over. The sound of my foot connecting with his sport cup was so loud that it stopped the entire class.

He had to sit out for a week to recover. For the rest of my time with that TKD school, people called me "CC" or "Double C"..it stood for "cup check".
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: snowfire on June 30, 2011, 05:28:04 PM
That reminded me of the only time I went to a local pistol competition.  One of the events was a speed drill where your pistol was holstered, a timer rang and you drew and fired on the silhouette target.  The timer stopped with the sound of the shot.  Your score was a combination of the time and accuracy. 

I was the only woman shooting that day. 

The timer beeped and I fired, hitting the target right in the....scrabble tiles.... 

Ever see 20 guys do a synchronized wince???  >:D ;D

(I ended up never going back to that groups competitions.  Even though the rules said that they had to calibrate their targets so that a 9mm could knock them down, they didn't, and they were very snotty to anyone who didn't use a .45.)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hermanne on July 01, 2011, 08:14:26 AM
LadyClaire and snowfire, I am in tears laughing at your posts! ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfqueen13 on July 01, 2011, 10:09:43 AM
That reminded me of the only time I went to a local pistol competition.  One of the events was a speed drill where your pistol was holstered, a timer rang and you drew and fired on the silhouette target.  The timer stopped with the sound of the shot.  Your score was a combination of the time and accuracy. 

I was the only woman shooting that day. 

The timer beeped and I fired, hitting the target right in the....scrabble tiles.... 

Ever see 20 guys do a synchronized wince???  >:D ;D

(I ended up never going back to that groups competitions.  Even though the rules said that they had to calibrate their targets so that a 9mm could knock them down, they didn't, and they were very snotty to anyone who didn't use a .45.)

I did an SCA archery shoot with my son a few years ago; it was a really impressive "Lord of the Rings" setup, complete with life-sized orcs made of heavy cardboard.  I'm shooting from up the hill in a "tower" through an arrow slit and got one of the orcs in the family jewels.  My son got all excited and announced the location of the shot to the entire party!  Cue simultaneous wincing while I had to sit down until I could control my giggles.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on July 01, 2011, 11:03:34 AM
LadyClaire and snowfire, I am in tears laughing at your posts! ;D ;D ;D

The really funny thing: every time after that when I had to sparr with someone, the men would fall over each other trying not to get matched with me. They would also warn new male students "if you ever get paired with LadyClaire, keep your hands low and be prepared to back up quickly. Do NOT crowd her or try to step into her high kick. She can get her foot up faster than you can stop her, so don't even attempt it. Just ask Mike why it's a bad idea..."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on July 01, 2011, 11:57:40 AM
LadyClaire and snowfire, I am in tears laughing at your posts! ;D ;D ;D

The really funny thing: every time after that when I had to sparr with someone, the men would fall over each other trying not to get matched with me. They would also warn new male students "if you ever get paired with LadyClaire, keep your hands low and be prepared to back up quickly. Do NOT crowd her or try to step into her high kick. She can get her foot up faster than you can stop her, so don't even attempt it. Just ask Mike why it's a bad idea..."

The legend of LadyClaire and her vanquishing of Gai Hung Lo!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Petticoats on July 01, 2011, 03:45:28 PM
LadyClaire and snowfire, I am in tears laughing at your posts! ;D ;D ;D

The really funny thing: every time after that when I had to sparr with someone, the men would fall over each other trying not to get matched with me. They would also warn new male students "if you ever get paired with LadyClaire, keep your hands low and be prepared to back up quickly. Do NOT crowd her or try to step into her high kick. She can get her foot up faster than you can stop her, so don't even attempt it. Just ask Mike why it's a bad idea..."

The legend of LadyClaire and her vanquishing of Gai Hung Lo!

Bwahaaahaa! Well played, Traska!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: lipli on July 03, 2011, 03:27:58 PM
My cat is fine so its perfectly fine to laugh.

Fat cat likes to chew on plastic bags. He was chewing on a bag that I had told him to stop messing with. While walking by him, I removed the bag. Apparently he hadn't heard me approach and completely freaked and ran away. Next thing i heard was a loud thud and my fiance shout. Fat cat had sprinted into the wooden chair my fiance was sitting in  and the force of him moved the chair and my fiance a few inches. Fat cat is completely fine even though the thud was quiet impressive.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Slartibartfast on July 03, 2011, 08:19:35 PM
Friend of mine has two cats, brothers, who share half a brain between the two of them.  They're both fat, but one will eat everything in sight while the other is happy to graze all day.  Unfortunately, the grazer can't/won't eat enough food at one mealtime to keep him full all night, so he wakes her up at 4 AM demanding food.

Also: all our friends are nerds and/or engineers.  So she asked at a get-together today whether anyone would be willing to help her put together an RFID-enabled cat food dish - put RFID transmitters on the cats' collars, put the chip in the food bowl, and set it to only dispense food if grazer cat is nearby but pigout cat is not.  Great idea, no?  Just enough to tide grazer cat over in the middle of the night - you could use an old CD-ROM drive as the dispenser . . .

But then another friend mentioned how he had a roomba he needed to replace because the vacuum part doesn't work anymore, even though the motor is fine.  And the suggestion was made for how to incorporate the two.  Think about it: a mobile cat-feeding device!  It vacuums your house!  It feeds your cats!  It exercises them!  And it entertains you as you watch two tubby kitties chase it all over the house trying to get food out of it!

I really think this invention needs to happen.  If it happens here, I'll post pictures  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sneezy on July 03, 2011, 09:13:48 PM
If that is ever invented, I want one!  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: dietcokeofevil on July 03, 2011, 09:35:57 PM
One of the girls in my girl scout troop has an odd cadence to her speech.  One day she was in the middle of a story about her dog dying when another parent leaned over a said "And this one time.  At band camp."  That was exactly how that girl spoke and I had never made the connection before.  I about lost it, and I still have a hard time not giggling whenever she is speaking.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Lady Snowdon on July 04, 2011, 10:59:13 AM
Yesterday, after I had finished donating blood and was "resting", I heard one of the phlebotomists talking to another donor.  She was apparently giving him some advice on raising iron levels for his wife.  The guy says to her, "So why is it that women have more problems with anemia then men do?".  The lady paused for a second and said, "Well, every 4 weeks or so, when they menstruate, a lot of blood can be lost, with the corresponding red blood cells".  The guy (I kid you not!) replies, "Wait, that's blood?".  I lost track of the conversation at this point, trying really hard not to laugh.  The guy is married!  Has kids!  Didn't know this very basic fact about women. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on July 05, 2011, 09:51:56 PM
I've just read of two news stories about people who died in accidents. One was an anti-seat belt rights advocate who died - in a car accident due to not wearing a seat belt. And another man, a motorcyclist, was participating in a ride to protest the helmet law - and crashed and died from his injuries due to no helmet. The irony of both these cases just made me giggle when I read them.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on July 05, 2011, 11:36:51 PM
I've just read of two news stories about people who died in accidents. One was an anti-seat belt rights advocate who died - in a car accident due to not wearing a seat belt. And another man, a motorcyclist, was participating in a ride to protest the helmet law - and crashed and died from his injuries due to no helmet. The irony of both these cases just made me giggle when I read them.

Protip:  Stay away from anyone lobbying for looser thermonuclear weapon laws.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Nora on July 06, 2011, 01:46:51 AM
In Soviet Russia, kittens kill YOU through criminal negligence.

Or genocide.

 ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Reika on July 06, 2011, 05:52:30 AM
I've just read of two news stories about people who died in accidents. One was an anti-seat belt rights advocate who died - in a car accident due to not wearing a seat belt. And another man, a motorcyclist, was participating in a ride to protest the helmet law - and crashed and died from his injuries due to no helmet. The irony of both these cases just made me giggle when I read them.

I don't blame you. I love irony like that. Though it's a shame they died due to that.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on July 06, 2011, 06:56:45 AM
In Soviet Russia, kittens kill YOU through criminal negligence.

Or genocide.

 ;D

"You will charge enemy.  If you are turning back, you will have kitten thrown at you.  If man in front of you go down, pick up his kitten and continue ahead."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Giggity on July 06, 2011, 07:17:36 AM
Friend of mine has two cats, brothers, who share half a brain between the two of them.  They're both fat, but one will eat everything in sight while the other is happy to graze all day.  Unfortunately, the grazer can't/won't eat enough food at one mealtime to keep him full all night, so he wakes her up at 4 AM demanding food.

Also: all our friends are nerds and/or engineers.  So she asked at a get-together today whether anyone would be willing to help her put together an RFID-enabled cat food dish - put RFID transmitters on the cats' collars, put the chip in the food bowl, and set it to only dispense food if grazer cat is nearby but pigout cat is not.  Great idea, no?  Just enough to tide grazer cat over in the middle of the night - you could use an old CD-ROM drive as the dispenser . . .

But then another friend mentioned how he had a roomba he needed to replace because the vacuum part doesn't work anymore, even though the motor is fine.  And the suggestion was made for how to incorporate the two.  Think about it: a mobile cat-feeding device!  It vacuums your house!  It feeds your cats!  It exercises them!  And it entertains you as you watch two tubby kitties chase it all over the house trying to get food out of it!

I really think this invention needs to happen.  If it happens here, I'll post pictures  ;D

That is the best idea in the history of ever.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on July 06, 2011, 09:10:56 PM
My friend has two cats, a big gray tomcat, Harry, and a tuxedo named Black Jack.  The two of them are always playing and Harry loves to torment and play with Jack.

When I was visiting nearly 2 years ago, friend and I were walking into her parlor with plates of crackers and dip in one hand and glasses of iced tea in the other, and the way the parlor is set up, she has a sectional running along 2 of the 4 walls, two couches with a recliner in the middle.   She sat in the recliner and I on one of the couches and noticed that Jack was sitting on the floor in the middle of the room while Harry was preparing to pounce behind him.

Sure enough, Harry pounces and Jack jumps over friend's lap and over her head, upsetting her drink and causing it to spill all down the front of her shirt!   I was trying so HARD not to laugh, but when she started laughing I just let go.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Carnation on July 06, 2011, 10:21:51 PM
Friend of mine has two cats, brothers, who share half a brain between the two of them.  They're both fat, but one will eat everything in sight while the other is happy to graze all day.  Unfortunately, the grazer can't/won't eat enough food at one mealtime to keep him full all night, so he wakes her up at 4 AM demanding food.

Also: all our friends are nerds and/or engineers.  So she asked at a get-together today whether anyone would be willing to help her put together an RFID-enabled cat food dish - put RFID transmitters on the cats' collars, put the chip in the food bowl, and set it to only dispense food if grazer cat is nearby but pigout cat is not.  Great idea, no?  Just enough to tide grazer cat over in the middle of the night - you could use an old CD-ROM drive as the dispenser . . .

But then another friend mentioned how he had a roomba he needed to replace because the vacuum part doesn't work anymore, even though the motor is fine.  And the suggestion was made for how to incorporate the two.  Think about it: a mobile cat-feeding device!  It vacuums your house!  It feeds your cats!  It exercises them!  And it entertains you as you watch two tubby kitties chase it all over the house trying to get food out of it!

I really think this invention needs to happen.  If it happens here, I'll post pictures  ;D

Sign me up! :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Nora on July 07, 2011, 12:53:48 AM
Friend of mine has two cats, brothers, who share half a brain between the two of them.  They're both fat, but one will eat everything in sight while the other is happy to graze all day.  Unfortunately, the grazer can't/won't eat enough food at one mealtime to keep him full all night, so he wakes her up at 4 AM demanding food.

Also: all our friends are nerds and/or engineers.  So she asked at a get-together today whether anyone would be willing to help her put together an RFID-enabled cat food dish - put RFID transmitters on the cats' collars, put the chip in the food bowl, and set it to only dispense food if grazer cat is nearby but pigout cat is not.  Great idea, no?  Just enough to tide grazer cat over in the middle of the night - you could use an old CD-ROM drive as the dispenser . . .

But then another friend mentioned how he had a roomba he needed to replace because the vacuum part doesn't work anymore, even though the motor is fine.  And the suggestion was made for how to incorporate the two.  Think about it: a mobile cat-feeding device!  It vacuums your house!  It feeds your cats!  It exercises them!  And it entertains you as you watch two tubby kitties chase it all over the house trying to get food out of it!

I really think this invention needs to happen.  If it happens here, I'll post pictures  ;D

Sign me up! :D

That would make for the funniest video in the universe!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on July 07, 2011, 12:27:43 PM
Some months ago at my apt. complex, my normally decent neighbor stopped taking his bi-polar medication, and had a complete meltdown. He started walking around the complex yelling at the top of his lungs, then started taking off his clothes and walking around naked. Our landlord and young, macho maintenance guy were trying to corral him and get him to put his clothes back on. After the police came and he was taken to the hospital, the three of us were talking about it. Of course, none of us were very happy about having to see this guy naked. For instance, the moment I looked out my window to see what all the commotion was about when this occured, the guy was walking straight toward my window!! So I got quite a view, ugh. But our macho maintenance said, "There's nothing ever good about having to see another dude naked". Funniest comment ever!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on July 07, 2011, 12:47:48 PM
Some months ago at my apt. complex, my normally decent neighbor stopped taking his bi-polar medication, and had a complete meltdown. He started walking around the complex yelling at the top of his lungs, then started taking off his clothes and walking around naked. Our landlord and young, macho maintenance guy were trying to corral him and get him to put his clothes back on. After the police came and he was taken to the hospital, the three of us were talking about it. Of course, none of us were very happy about having to see this guy naked. For instance, the moment I looked out my window to see what all the commotion was about when this occured, the guy was walking straight toward my window!! So I got quite a view, ugh. But our macho maintenance said, "There's nothing ever good about having to see another dude naked". Funniest comment ever!

For awesomeness sake, I heard this in Sam Elliot's voice.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Petticoats on July 07, 2011, 01:55:58 PM
But then another friend mentioned how he had a roomba he needed to replace because the vacuum part doesn't work anymore, even though the motor is fine.  And the suggestion was made for how to incorporate the two.  Think about it: a mobile cat-feeding device!  It vacuums your house!  It feeds your cats!  It exercises them!  And it entertains you as you watch two tubby kitties chase it all over the house trying to get food out of it!

I really think this invention needs to happen.  If it happens here, I'll post pictures  ;D

Seriously, this is how people become millionaires. It's brilliant! Definitely has the potential to be bigger than the singing fish plaques.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: VorFemme on July 07, 2011, 09:10:46 PM
I only knew because of a somewhat macabre joke I was told years ago:

An elderly woman lost her husband of many years and decided that she just couldn't go on without him.  She decided to shoot herself in the heart.  But she wasn't sure exactly where it was so she called her doctor to ask.  He told her that her heart was located just to the left of center, under her left breast.

She was admitted to hospital that night with a gunshot wound to her left knee.

Young woman working at the nursing home talks to the resident women about her plans to get a tattoo - a lovely pink rosebud on the side of her left breast.  One day she comes in and unbuttons her shirt just enough to give them a peek at the first round of the artist's work............

When she leaves with a spring in her step at how lovely she's going to look when it's done............one of the old women turns to the rest and asks "Do you think we should have told her that fifty years will turn her pink rosebuds into long stemmed roses?"

(I got the joke ONLY because I used to read National Geographic and noticed that the OLDER women were clearly in truly dire need of good support bras)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on July 08, 2011, 02:16:16 PM
I was reading the memorials in the obits section of our newspaper. One was the usual rememberance: we love you, we miss you, etc. Then at the end of it it said, 'Whether you are looking down or up at us'. Um....really?? Were they joking, or did they truly not realize what that was saying? Maybe they meant it somehow else?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: faithlessone on July 08, 2011, 03:19:12 PM
I was reading the memorials in the obits section of our newspaper. One was the usual rememberance: we love you, we miss you, etc. Then at the end of it it said, 'Whether you are looking down or up at us'. Um....really?? Were they joking, or did they truly not realize what that was saying? Maybe they meant it somehow else?

Without seeing it, I'm guessing the deceased had a sense of humour, and the relatives/friends thought he'd/she'd approve of it and find it funny.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on July 08, 2011, 04:46:32 PM
Could be. It's just that the rest of the ad is totally serious, sad, and emotional, so that is why it seemed odd.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 08, 2011, 05:23:46 PM
When I worked night Metro, I collected wonderful phrases from paid obits. Among my favorites:

"She boarded the train bound for glory in her hospital room at Local Medical Center."
"She died after a long battle with cervical cancer, after an overworked technician striving to make a quota mischaracterized her slide."
"He is performing coin tricks in heaven."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: snowfire on July 09, 2011, 10:26:01 PM
One of my cats currently has a shaved rump and the base of her tail is shaved.  She had to go to the vet last weekend to have an abcess drained.  She looks so darned funny with her naked rear end and plush front.  I have joked that she looks like an exclamation point.  >:D

Laughing about her to her face is a BAD IDEA.  This cat has no sense of humor, and she knows where we sleep.  :o
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sirius on July 10, 2011, 07:48:13 PM
Minnie, the cat in my avatar, is allergic to strongly-scented cat litter.  All the fur fell off her tail, and she looked like an especially fluffy rat.  She's got a tail that's 14 inches long (I measured it) which made her look even funnier.  We knew what had caused it, because a cat I'd had years ago named Vega had had the same thing happen and lost all the fur from her waist to where her tail met her torso.  We found out totally by accident which litter it was that the Vega was allergic to; I had bought some that was on sale, and her fur fell out, but it grew back when I switched back to Tidy Cat.  So, when Minnie started losing hair on her tail, I took her to the vet, and told the vet the story about what had happened to Vega.  The vet told me to switch back to Tidy Cat, so we did and Minnie's fur grew back.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Íkorna on July 10, 2011, 09:29:00 PM
I was recently sitting outside with family during the evening. I was wearing an oversized shirt with a picture of John Lennon on it as a nightshirt, and because of the breeze I'd pulled my legs up underneath it. Someone mentioned that I was making John 'fat' (stretching out the picture), to which I responded without thinking "Oh, he'll live." After a pause, I added "Hm. I guess not." I felt so guilty for laughing, but we couldn't help it :P
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Zenith on July 10, 2011, 11:27:32 PM
One of my cats currently has a shaved rump and the base of her tail is shaved.  She had to go to the vet last weekend to have an abcess drained.  She looks so darned funny with her naked rear end and plush front.  I have joked that she looks like an exclamation point.  >:D

Laughing about her to her face is a BAD IDEA.  This cat has no sense of humor, and she knows where we sleep.  :o

(http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/lachen/laughing-smiley-014.gif)(http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/lachen/laughing-smiley-014.gif)(http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/lachen/laughing-smiley-014.gif) Nice visual.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: amanda_tlg on July 10, 2011, 11:51:27 PM
Why am I just finding this thread? Y'all were hiding it from me, huh??

I have a good one. Years ago, pre-marriage/kids, I lived in a rundown apartment building in a bad neighborhood. Luckily even though there were like 24 units in the building, only 7 were rented out. (Hmmmm....) Anyway, I lived on the 4th floor, no elevator, exactly 94 steps from the ground floor. The only other unit rented on my floor was right next to mine, to an eldery (well, maybe late 60s), very religious but kinda crazy African American woman. She could be, 90% of the time, the sweetest woman on the planet. The other 10%.....

Well when I moved out I recruited a friend and his brother to help me get all my junk down 94 steps. They did not live anywhere near the town i was in, let alone the bad neighborhood and the goofy neighbor. we were doing the moving at about 10am on a Sunday. Granted, we were defintely making some noise, but I did plan the move at a time I hopefully wouldn't disturb anyone.

I swear by repeating this I am not trying to be offensive. I have this memorized it was so freakin funny:

Cue Evelyn: "Oh help me Lawd Amanda makin so much noise! Help me lawd with all the clang and bang and jang! Oh Amanda, oh Amanda, oh help me Lawd for po' Amanda! Oh Lawd let those boys stop with the noise! Lawdy Lawdy! Wakin decent folk up at all hours. I love you girl but the noise! noise! noise! (*Amanda's note: I totally thought she was channeling the cartoon Grinch who stole Christmas with that one!) Oh boy, Lawd help you sweet handsome things but the bang bang bang by my door door door!"

It went on just like that, on and off (but mostly on) for over 2 hours. The poor guys helping me were actually scared and did not understand why my stomach hurt from holding in laughter...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: StarDrifter on July 11, 2011, 01:32:59 AM
Yesterday we went to Ikea.

Do NOT laugh when you see a small child (he was about 8? I suck at estimating ages) climbing into a display wardrobe, making "shh!!" motions at you and pointing to a woman across the way... Because a moment later said woman will turn around and immediately panic because her son is nowhere to be seen.

Addendum; do not snicker when her son pops out of the wardrobe and shouts "RARGH!! Did I scare you, mummy?" because you will be glared at by every other parent in the vicinity.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: bluhairfreak on July 11, 2011, 03:11:47 AM
Just remembered a story about my cat Carrie.  It was time for her annual teeth cleaning, and she had been knocked out for it.  I got her home and she had mostly shaken off the anesthesia but was still little wobbly and groggy.  She also had a bandage on one law from the iv they used.  Carrie HATES when she has a bandage on.   As soon as she got out of the carrier she started trying to get the bandage off.   So she started shaking her paw, but as I said she was still a little wobbly and didn't have full control of limbs and her little paw shake became full on flailing and flop.  FLAIL and flop. FLAIL and flop.    I felt bad because she she was so obviously unhappy but wouldn't let me near her to take the bandage off while she continues her frantic flailing and I just couldn't stop laughing.   She eventually got the bandage off and forgave me.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: TheDisappeared on July 11, 2011, 03:24:46 AM
Our 2 year old DD has recently decided that she doesn't need to sleep.  Ever.  I'm lucky if she gets 5 hours of sleep a night.  We went to Wal-Mart and I told my husband that I really wished they sold over the counter toddler tranquilizers.  He pointed to Lawn & Garden and told me "The hammers are over there".

DD can't make the "L" sound.  In most words she just leaves it out.  The other day she was telling me about daddy's clock.

I'm using sleep deprivation as my excuse.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: iridaceae on July 11, 2011, 03:29:14 AM
My dad and I checked out the cats at the Humane Society's store/adoption center in one of the malls here. I would like a second cat but so far have not seen one that says "mine!"

We were admiring a little spiky-haired black kitten who couldn't have been much over three months; it was so tiny and not the firmest at hopping up and down the levels in its cage.  It wanted to get down to the main level and uncertainly hopped down....and its right rear foot ended up in the water dish. It was so shocked and horrified at its wet foot!!!!!! that we felt really bad for laughing at it. But we did.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Irishkitty on July 11, 2011, 04:04:31 AM
Just remembered a story about my cat Carrie.  It was time for her annual teeth cleaning, and she had been knocked out for it.  I got her home and she had mostly shaken off the anesthesia but was still little wobbly and groggy.  She also had a bandage on one law from the iv they used.  Carrie HATES when she has a bandage on.   As soon as she got out of the carrier she started trying to get the bandage off.   So she started shaking her paw, but as I said she was still a little wobbly and didn't have full control of limbs and her little paw shake became full on flailing and flop.  FLAIL and flop. FLAIL and flop.    I felt bad because she she was so obviously unhappy but wouldn't let me near her to take the bandage off while she continues her frantic flailing and I just couldn't stop laughing.   She eventually got the bandage off and forgave me.
How long did it take her to forgive you? Or was it just that she forgot after the anesthetic wore off? :)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 11, 2011, 09:08:36 AM
My dad and I checked out the cats at the Humane Society's store/adoption center in one of the malls here. I would like a second cat but so far have not seen one that says "mine!"

We were admiring a little spiky-haired black kitten who couldn't have been much over three months; it was so tiny and not the firmest at hopping up and down the levels in its cage.  It wanted to get down to the main level and uncertainly hopped down....and its right rear foot ended up in the water dish. It was so shocked and horrified at its wet foot!!!!!! that we felt really bad for laughing at it. But we did.

Are you anywhere near north Texas? (hint hint)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: esteban on July 11, 2011, 12:19:49 PM
My fat lazy cat named Stormy has a habit of not wanting to be touched.  so what she will do is try to stay in front of you, but only by a couple steps.  So she will move a few steps in front of you, and then look back, and get really surprised if you keep moving in the same direction.  so it's take 2 steps stop so stormy can move a few feet and look horrified that you are following her, then repeat, all the way across the room.  It really is amusing how angry and confused she starts to look  when you are following her.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 11, 2011, 12:29:11 PM
Our big Siamese, Luna, has spent nearly the whole three months of kitten-fostering on top of the bookcase, radiating hatred. We lock the kittens in the bedroom occasionally so she can take a pee break.

We've discovered that Luna has an amazing talent for projectile hairballing from that height.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: CuriousGeorge on July 11, 2011, 12:34:19 PM
The last 2 posts about Stormy and Luna have me laughing so hard I can barely see my computer screen.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: bluhairfreak on July 11, 2011, 06:37:08 PM
How long did it take her to forgive you? Or was it just that she forgot after the anesthetic wore off? :)

I think it was a combination of the aethesia wearing off, plus bribes of kitty milk and goshyfood.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: iridaceae on July 12, 2011, 12:31:39 AM
Are you anywhere near north Texas? (hint hint)

No; Tucson.

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Seraphia on July 12, 2011, 10:51:33 AM
All the animal stories reminded me.

When I was a kid, my aunt and uncle had a big ol' mutt named D.O.G. We called him Deoge and he was a sweetie. One summer, he came limping back to the house, whimpering a lot. When my uncle took him to the vet, they found out hDeoge had a badly broken leg that needed to be amputated. So, they took him in for the surgery. When he got out, he was in recovery for a while, learning how to get around with one front leg and two back ones.

So, to help him get exercise, my aunt took Deoge for a walk. While on the walk, Nature called. Deoge lifted his back leg to pee....and tipped over.

Poor Deoge. We started calling him Tripod after that.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Luci on July 12, 2011, 01:08:05 PM
^ OK. That one got me.  ;D  :D ;D :D ;D

I think the name of the big old mutt helped, too.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on July 12, 2011, 02:22:05 PM
Seraphia, I'm "awww"-ing and laughing at the same time at that one!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Bibliophile on July 12, 2011, 04:17:44 PM
There's a local Yahoo headline...  "Man Gets Life For Killing Man With Toilet Lid" - horrible way to go, but I keep thinking about Dead Like Me and how George was forever known in the reaper world as "Toilet Seat Girl" and it tickles me.  It so not funny.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on July 12, 2011, 06:27:46 PM
I am reading my text book for Criminal Profiling.  In a chapter discussing serial murder and serial rape, I am nearing the end of the serial rape section.  Don't worry, nothing icky follows; it was just the choice of the bolded word that made me burst out a hearty guffaw.

I quote (bolding is mine in case anyone misses it) : "Approaching cases from this perspective should provide for a more penetrating understanding of an offender in a given case."

Really?  In a section about rape, that's the word you choose to use?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: portiafimbriata on July 12, 2011, 10:32:21 PM
I am reading my text book for Criminal Profiling.  In a chapter discussing serial murder and serial rape, I am nearing the end of the serial rape section.  Don't worry, nothing icky follows; it was just the choice of the bolded word that made me burst out a hearty guffaw.

I quote (bolding is mine in case anyone misses it) : "Approaching cases from this perspective should provide for a more penetrating understanding of an offender in a given case."

Really?  In a section about rape, that's the word you choose to use?

Once you've mounted an investigation, anything goes
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on July 12, 2011, 11:35:43 PM
I am reading my text book for Criminal Profiling.  In a chapter discussing serial murder and serial rape, I am nearing the end of the serial rape section.  Don't worry, nothing icky follows; it was just the choice of the bolded word that made me burst out a hearty guffaw.

I quote (bolding is mine in case anyone misses it) : "Approaching cases from this perspective should provide for a more penetrating understanding of an offender in a given case."

Really?  In a section about rape, that's the word you choose to use?

Once you've mounted an investigation, anything goes

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Are you going to buy me another Coke? (Which, incidentally, I actually am drinking at the mo')
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on July 13, 2011, 06:00:38 AM
DF finds my lack of balance hysterically funny. I sat on the sofa last night, with my feet up. Bear in mind, I am getting somewhat larger by the day, and it is easy to forget I have a bump in front of me. Anyway, I had to get up to go to the toilet and totally misjudged where I was and ended up sitting back down on the sofa. :( DF said he was laughing at the expression on my face, which I imagine must have been a cross between annoyance and surprise.

If it had been the other way round, I'd have laughed, too.  >:D

Although I cannot see DF ever getting pregnant.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: stkatie00 on July 13, 2011, 07:58:35 AM
DF finds my lack of balance hysterically funny. I sat on the sofa last night, with my feet up. Bear in mind, I am getting somewhat larger by the day, and it is easy to forget I have a bump in front of me. Anyway, I had to get up to go to the toilet and totally misjudged where I was and ended up sitting back down on the sofa. :( DF said he was laughing at the expression on my face, which I imagine must have been a cross between annoyance and surprise.

If it had been the other way round, I'd have laughed, too.  >:D

Although I cannot see DF ever getting pregnant.

You know, I've done exactly that before I got pregnant. I'm not showing yet (I'll be 12 weeks tomorrow), but I'm pregnant with twins, so I imagine I'll be an endless source of amusement to my DH once I'm showing and off balance!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on July 13, 2011, 08:31:19 AM
Before sitting down, ensure you have been to the toilet and have drinks/snacks in reach. It becomes too much effort to move after a while lol!!!!!!!

Congrats!!!!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Gyburc on July 13, 2011, 09:17:28 AM
There's a local Yahoo headline...  "Man Gets Life For Killing Man With Toilet Lid" - horrible way to go, but I keep thinking about Dead Like Me and how George was forever known in the reaper world as "Toilet Seat Girl" and it tickles me.  It so not funny.

 ;D

I love Dead Like Me - only seen series 1 so far, but I think it's wonderful.

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Peggy Gus on July 13, 2011, 10:25:07 AM
DF finds my lack of balance hysterically funny. I sat on the sofa last night, with my feet up. Bear in mind, I am getting somewhat larger by the day, and it is easy to forget I have a bump in front of me. Anyway, I had to get up to go to the toilet and totally misjudged where I was and ended up sitting back down on the sofa. :( DF said he was laughing at the expression on my face, which I imagine must have been a cross between annoyance and surprise.

If it had been the other way round, I'd have laughed, too.  >:D

Although I cannot see DF ever getting pregnant.

Gee, didn't know you were pregnant-Congrats
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 13, 2011, 10:28:35 AM
Last night, The Sweetie called out from the kitchen, "If the recycling bin is empty, and you put a kitten in it, will hilarity ensue?"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: CuriousGeorge on July 13, 2011, 10:32:36 AM
Last night, The Sweetie called out from the kitchen, "If the recycling bin is empty, and you put a kitten in it, will hilarity ensue?"

If a kitten is involved, hilarity will always ensue.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 13, 2011, 10:41:13 AM
Last night, The Sweetie called out from the kitchen, "If the recycling bin is empty, and you put a kitten in it, will hilarity ensue?"

If a kitten is involved, hilarity will always ensue.

My reply was "I'm not sure!  Wait until I get there so I can document!"

The answer was, indeed, yes. Our "bin" is just a tallish cardboard box. Prairie first sat down and gave herself a nice bath, then jumped out, hitting a flap so the box fell over behind her. She did one of those straight-up-with-180-spin jumps, landing fully fluffed and arched.

---------------------------------------
ETA that it was a little like Maru, only without the grace.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Shell on July 13, 2011, 01:55:09 PM
Last night, The Sweetie called out from the kitchen, "If the recycling bin is empty, and you put a kitten in it, will hilarity ensue?"

If a kitten is involved, hilarity will always ensue.

My reply was "I'm not sure!  Wait until I get there so I can document!"

The answer was, indeed, yes. Our "bin" is just a tallish cardboard box. Prairie first sat down and gave herself a nice bath, then jumped out, hitting a flap so the box fell over behind her. She did one of those straight-up-with-180-spin jumps, landing fully fluffed and arched.

...And would there be a YouTube video to commemorate this event?  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on July 13, 2011, 01:56:41 PM
Last night, The Sweetie called out from the kitchen, "If the recycling bin is empty, and you put a kitten in it, will hilarity ensue?"

If a kitten is involved, hilarity will always ensue.

I don't know.  Sometimes hilarity, sometimes pain.  Occasionally both.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 14, 2011, 12:33:00 PM
Last night, The Sweetie called out from the kitchen, "If the recycling bin is empty, and you put a kitten in it, will hilarity ensue?"

If a kitten is involved, hilarity will always ensue.

My reply was "I'm not sure!  Wait until I get there so I can document!"

The answer was, indeed, yes. Our "bin" is just a tallish cardboard box. Prairie first sat down and gave herself a nice bath, then jumped out, hitting a flap so the box fell over behind her. She did one of those straight-up-with-180-spin jumps, landing fully fluffed and arched.

...And would there be a YouTube video to commemorate this event?  ;D

Alas, not.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hushabye on July 14, 2011, 02:12:39 PM
Last night, The Sweetie called out from the kitchen, "If the recycling bin is empty, and you put a kitten in it, will hilarity ensue?"

If a kitten is involved, hilarity will always ensue.

I don't know.  Sometimes hilarity, sometimes pain.  Occasionally both.

As long as it's someone else's pain, that just makes it funnier.   >:D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on July 14, 2011, 03:18:14 PM
To add to that, putting a Jasper in a laundry basket (bonus if you put the laundry basket over him) ensures hilarity as well, and so is putting a blanket over him and watching him tunnel his way out.  (we are so mean...haha)

We used to have a cat that we would put the laundry basket over.  She'd sit there for about ten seconds, plotting, then... ZOOM.  She'd run at full tilt with the laundry basket still over her, as if she were Cecil Turtle from the Looney Tunes "Tortoise and Hare" race trilogy.  It never ceased to crack me up.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on July 14, 2011, 03:45:42 PM
With the storms that went through some Iowan towns on Monday, my bff posted via her phone on FB:

Quote
Note to self: From now on, think twice before complaining about a neighbor's 70 foot walnut tree making a mess in your yard every fall.... after Monday's storm that 70 foot walnut tree IS the mess in your yard! ;)

This tree is now taking up much of her backyard, but thankfully just barely missed hitting her house, and she was one of the luckier ones in her town.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: snowfire on July 15, 2011, 01:12:02 AM
Yikes!  I'm glad your friend and her house are unharmed.  Really makes you think about "Be careful what you wish for..."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: esteban on July 17, 2011, 07:48:47 PM
I may be a bad parent for this one.

DD2 was drinking a milkshake, just as my wife was going to tell her not to tip the cup back so far she suddenly dropped the cup.  And glared at us through a face full of milkshake with the hurt and confused look only a 3 year old covered in dessert can give.

I'm still giggling about it, and it has been 20 minutes.

Yep, I'm going to hell.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: siamesecat2965 on July 17, 2011, 08:55:08 PM
I did this to myself, so I guess I can laugh, but it was funny.  My bedroom has a closet with a door just on the other side of the bedroom door.  So one door, about a foot of wall, then the closet door.  Along that wall space I have a steamer, which has a hanger that unfolds.  I had it open today, and ws going into my closet and smacked right into the edge of the hanger.  With my b*o*o*b  OUCHY.  Now I have a bruise.  Guess the hanger was at the right level for the direct hit!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on July 17, 2011, 09:34:40 PM
Yikes!  I'm glad your friend and her house are unharmed.  Really makes you think about "Be careful what you wish for..."

Yeah no kidding!  It sure does make me feel grateful that we live in an area where we're unlikely to be affected by hurricanes or earthquakes and while we have seen a few funnel clouds, no tornadoes have touched down since we've lived here...*knock on wood*...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Irishkitty on July 18, 2011, 07:35:36 AM
^ Classic! I remember watching some daytime chat show (you know the kind where all the audience are yelling and screaming, guests are waiting for paternity tests, finding out who's cheating on whom, etc). This one was about "Please tell my girlfriend to get a breast reduction" or the like.

I'll never forget one woman who was so proud of her petite tiny frame and massive (massive) natural breasts, she loved them, could everyone else not see that they were great?! The Host asked her boyfriend why. He said "She keeps falling over".

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: heartmug on July 21, 2011, 12:26:14 PM
My grandmother had a breast reduction about 30/40 years ago because they were very, very big.  She is also very short, about 5 foot. 

She fell over a little while ago and landed straight on her boob.  She was ok but she was a bit sore for a few days.  No one can take a joke as well as my Irish grandmother.  She laughed her you-know-what off when I told her that if she'd never had that surgery all those years ago then she wouldn't have even got close to the ground with her old giant boobs :D.

LOL!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sebastienne on July 24, 2011, 11:59:13 PM
DH and I were walking along a city street when suddenly, he wasn't next to me anymore.  I looked over, and he was  about three feet shorter than normal.  He had walked straight into a surprisingly deep hole in the sidewalk (it looked like a tree used to be planted there and had recently been removed) without noticing!

If he had been hurt, it would not be funny.  But he was totally fine, so therefore, it was hilarious.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Hollanda on July 26, 2011, 02:44:40 PM
DF used to have a habit of walking straight into lamp-posts because he was too busy looking around and not looking where he was going. The second time he did that, I swear the poor guy saw stars. I asked if he was OK, but I was desperately trying to disguise my giggles. He looked so confused, like "Who put that there?!"  ::)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: shadowfox79 on July 26, 2011, 04:49:15 PM
One that I just remembered.

When I was about 10, I would go back to my friend "Tasmia"'s house after gym club, which was after school, and be fed dinner. Tasmia had two younger sisters, "Sally" and "Lindy". Sally was about 8, while Lindy was of an age where she could use the bathroom herself but needed help with the wiping afterwards.

On one occasion, after Lindy had been and was waiting in The Position for someone to wipe, Tasmia turned to me and said "You do it, you're the oldest."

"What? I'm not doing it! She's your sister!"

"Well, I'm not! You do it, Sally."

"No! You do it!"

Ten minutes later, Tasmia's mum came in to find us in a heated debate and poor Lindy still grabbing her ankles.

Unsurprisingly we all got told off, but it still makes me laugh.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Tashigi on July 26, 2011, 06:40:10 PM
I was walking with a good friend in an area that was rather well known for very bad drivers and heavy traffic congestion. Right after we nearly got clipped by a driver that had a cavalier attitude towards stop signs, she looked over at me.

Friend: "Careful, or we're going to end up as pancakes in the middle of the road."
Me: "Pancakes? Pancakes are tasty... and usually aren't made of human body parts. I'm thinking you'd end up with something more like spaghetti bolognese."
A beat.
Friend: "Careful, or we're going to end up as bolognese sauce in the middle of the road."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Information_queen on July 27, 2011, 09:00:50 PM
Last night, The Sweetie called out from the kitchen, "If the recycling bin is empty, and you put a kitten in it, will hilarity ensue?"

If a kitten is involved, hilarity will always ensue.

I don't know.  Sometimes hilarity, sometimes pain.  Occasionally both.

As long as it's someone else's pain, that just makes it funnier.   >:D

"It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. After that, it's hysterical."

To add to that, putting a Jasper in a laundry basket (bonus if you put the laundry basket over him) ensures hilarity as well, and so is putting a blanket over him and watching him tunnel his way out.  (we are so mean...haha)

We stick Mudkips' toys in his collar and video tape the results. I don't have any right now, I think they got deleted, or maybe Jason was filming? but I do have one of him attacking Jason's singing birthday card. It was quite amusing.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Zenith on July 27, 2011, 09:39:22 PM
Friend: "Careful, or we're going to end up as pancakes in the middle of the road."
Me: "Pancakes? Pancakes are tasty... and usually aren't made of human body parts. I'm thinking you'd end up with something more like spaghetti bolognese."
A beat.
Friend: "Careful, or we're going to end up as bolognese sauce in the middle of the road."

*Blink* Ya know, that is a better description of what happens when one gets flattened.  :D Guess we don't end up like cartoon characters after all.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: PeasNCues on July 28, 2011, 08:36:39 AM
To add to that, putting a Jasper in a laundry basket (bonus if you put the laundry basket over him) ensures hilarity as well, and so is putting a blanket over him and watching him tunnel his way out.  (we are so mean...haha)

We stick Mudkips' toys in his collar and video tape the results. I don't have any right now, I think they got deleted, or maybe Jason was filming? but I do have one of him attacking Jason's singing birthday card. It was quite amusing.
[/quote]

We used to put treats into an empty tissue box. Rockie would reach in to get the treats and box would inevitably get stuck on her head. Hilarity ensues.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on July 28, 2011, 11:11:50 AM
Ok..this one is slightly adult in nature, but...it's also one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

So my sister dated a guy for a while, and he had apparently gifted her with a plaster model of his..ahem..scrabble pieces. As in, it had been molded directly from his..well..bits and bobs. They had a rather rocky relationship, and eventually it ended for good. One day when I was over at her house, I discovered the plaster replica and said "So..uh..what are you going to do with this, now?"

My sister decided that she was going to take it outside and smash it on her back porch, which was a concrete slab. So outside we went and with great ceremony, she hurled the plaster privates onto the concrete, where it broke into only 2 pieces. The majority of it was still intact, and still very obvious as to what it was.

My sister owns a chocolate lab. The dog was outside with us, and thought we were playing some fantastic game. As the main part of the replica bounced across the concrete, the dog pounced on it, snatched it up, and took off with it sticking out of the side of her mouth. So we started chasing her in an attempt to get it back, because honestly, what would the neighbors think if the dog decided she wanted to play a game of "fetch" and dropped it at someone's feet? The dog thought we were joining in on her fun game, so she started to run in circles around the entire outside of my sister's house, with the two of us in hot pursuit. Around and around we went, dog, sister, and me, around and around the house, with the dog's ears flying in the breeze and the plaster you-know-what sticking out of her mouth like some sort of incredibly inappropriate cigar. We were hollering at her "Maggie! DROP THAT RIGHT NOW!!" but of course the dog was not listening. My sister was also afraid the dog would swallow it and start choking, and then how would she explain THAT to the vet?

Finally, my sister managed to catch the dog. I held the dog down while my sister pried her jaws open and removed the now rather worse-for-wear plaster whatsit from her teeth. I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe and my sister was scolding the dog, who was rather confused by the whole experience but quite pleased that we'd "played" with her for so long.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Outdoor Girl on July 28, 2011, 11:13:55 AM
Lady Claire, I'm shaking with laughter here.  Your poor sister...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on July 28, 2011, 11:21:03 AM
Lady Claire, I'm shaking with laughter here.  Your poor sister...

It's been several years since that experience, but I still like to bring it up from time to time to mortify my sister.  ;D

I wish to this day that I'd had a video camera with me, because it would've been pure YouTube gold.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on July 28, 2011, 11:23:06 AM
See, maybe it's me, but I thought that leaving it in pieces on the ex's doorstep would be a good use of the item.  Assuming a bad breakup, that is.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on July 28, 2011, 11:24:47 AM
See, maybe it's me, but I thought that leaving it in pieces on the ex's doorstep would be a good use of the item.  Assuming a bad breakup, that is.

Oh, it was a very bad breakup. It left my sister totally broken for a while. I suggested she mail the dog-chewed pieces back to her ex, but she decided not to.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: stitchygreyanonymouse on July 28, 2011, 12:07:03 PM
Warning: this is kind of gross if you’re not into poo jokes.

My puppy is essentially just a giant mouth with teeth that happens to have four feet and a tail. He has managed to destroy every single toy we’ve purchased him, even those super heavy duty extra large black kong things. Well, at one point, he managed to chew up and swallow some of the strings in a rope bone, which didn’t fully digest.

During his next potty break, well, one of those strings was liberally coated but would not come out fully. He was so confused as to why he had something hanging from his bum, that he’d start running, trying to get away from it, turn and look, keep running, turn, run, turn, run. We probably should have helped him, but my SO and I were both crying from laughing so hard at the poor puppy’s confusion before he finally managed to push it out. (all of this elapsed over maybe a 20 second period… he wasn’t running around for a long while, but we were laughing for a good two minutes)  Afterward, the puppy gave us this look like "what on Earth is wrong with you people", which just got us started again…_
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: esteban on July 28, 2011, 12:29:36 PM
Ok..this one is slightly adult in nature, but...it's also one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

So my sister dated a guy for a while, and he had apparently gifted her with a plaster model of his..ahem..scrabble pieces. As in, it had been molded directly from his..well..bits and bobs. They had a rather rocky relationship, and eventually it ended for good. One day when I was over at her house, I discovered the plaster replica and said "So..uh..what are you going to do with this, now?"

My sister decided that she was going to take it outside and smash it on her back porch, which was a concrete slab. So outside we went and with great ceremony, she hurled the plaster privates onto the concrete, where it broke into only 2 pieces. The majority of it was still intact, and still very obvious as to what it was.

My sister owns a chocolate lab. The dog was outside with us, and thought we were playing some fantastic game. As the main part of the replica bounced across the concrete, the dog pounced on it, snatched it up, and took off with it sticking out of the side of her mouth. So we started chasing her in an attempt to get it back, because honestly, what would the neighbors think if the dog decided she wanted to play a game of "fetch" and dropped it at someone's feet? The dog thought we were joining in on her fun game, so she started to run in circles around the entire outside of my sister's house, with the two of us in hot pursuit. Around and around we went, dog, sister, and me, around and around the house, with the dog's ears flying in the breeze and the plaster you-know-what sticking out of her mouth like some sort of incredibly inappropriate cigar. We were hollering at her "Maggie! DROP THAT RIGHT NOW!!" but of course the dog was not listening. My sister was also afraid the dog would swallow it and start choking, and then how would she explain THAT to the vet?

Finally, my sister managed to catch the dog. I held the dog down while my sister pried her jaws open and removed the now rather worse-for-wear plaster whatsit from her teeth. I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe and my sister was scolding the dog, who was rather confused by the whole experience but quite pleased that we'd "played" with her for so long.

I think I just swallowed my gum.

If I die from this (unlikely at this juncture but I want to cover my bases) You need to come tell this story at my funeral.  I cannot stop laughing, and the mental image is going to be funny for a long time.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Bibliophile on July 28, 2011, 12:48:20 PM
Ok..this one is slightly adult in nature, but...it's also one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

So my sister dated a guy for a while, and he had apparently gifted her with a plaster model of his..ahem..scrabble pieces. As in, it had been molded directly from his..well..bits and bobs. They had a rather rocky relationship, and eventually it ended for good. One day when I was over at her house, I discovered the plaster replica and said "So..uh..what are you going to do with this, now?"

My sister decided that she was going to take it outside and smash it on her back porch, which was a concrete slab. So outside we went and with great ceremony, she hurled the plaster privates onto the concrete, where it broke into only 2 pieces. The majority of it was still intact, and still very obvious as to what it was.

My sister owns a chocolate lab. The dog was outside with us, and thought we were playing some fantastic game. As the main part of the replica bounced across the concrete, the dog pounced on it, snatched it up, and took off with it sticking out of the side of her mouth. So we started chasing her in an attempt to get it back, because honestly, what would the neighbors think if the dog decided she wanted to play a game of "fetch" and dropped it at someone's feet? The dog thought we were joining in on her fun game, so she started to run in circles around the entire outside of my sister's house, with the two of us in hot pursuit. Around and around we went, dog, sister, and me, around and around the house, with the dog's ears flying in the breeze and the plaster you-know-what sticking out of her mouth like some sort of incredibly inappropriate cigar. We were hollering at her "Maggie! DROP THAT RIGHT NOW!!" but of course the dog was not listening. My sister was also afraid the dog would swallow it and start choking, and then how would she explain THAT to the vet?

Finally, my sister managed to catch the dog. I held the dog down while my sister pried her jaws open and removed the now rather worse-for-wear plaster whatsit from her teeth. I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe and my sister was scolding the dog, who was rather confused by the whole experience but quite pleased that we'd "played" with her for so long.

I think I just swallowed my gum.

If I die from this (unlikely at this juncture but I want to cover my bases) You need to come tell this story at my funeral.  I cannot stop laughing, and the mental image is going to be funny for a long time.

POD!  I'm not sure why that shouldn't be laughed at other than the break up because that's pretty much impossible not to laugh at...  This has to be one of my top 10 eHell stories now.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Valentines Mommy on July 28, 2011, 01:09:49 PM
Oh dear! Poor pup. I'd have laughed too.

Your story reminded me of an incident from Valentine's puppyhood, without the poo.

BG: Val was a confident puppy. When we got her, she was a six week old teddy bear with a 100 lb attitude in a 5lb body.

BG2: She got kicked out of puppy class a 10 weeks for bullying the bigger and older puppies. We hired Bark Busters to help us train her. She's a good dog now.

The story:

Val's first trip to the bark park was an event. Shd growled, chased and nipped at every dog she met. Most dogs left her alone after a minute of puppy interaction.

For some reason, Val decided to terrorize a Jack Russell. She chased him, nipped at his tail, and pushed him around. The Jack Russell didn't take this to kindly and fought back.

He gave a warning growl and nipped back. Val was so shocked, she fell in the water hole, pushed herself out and ran the lap of shame around the small dog area, while howling with indignation. She stopped at my feet with her lower lip quivering and a "do something, that dog was mean to me“ look on her face. We lost it.

Once we stopped laughing, Val was scooped up, taken home and given a bath.

She gives Jack Russells a wide berth to this day.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 28, 2011, 01:23:28 PM
My dad is a retired military surgeon, and this is my favorite of his many stories:

When I was about 4, one of Dad’s regular patients was a Korean War vet who’d lost a leg and still had a fair amount of shrapnel in his body, which required occasional care.  Said war vet, “Mr. Lily,” was a hog farmer in civilian life.

One night, Dad was on duty in the base emergency room. Around the middle of the night, he called Mom and asked her to come down. Which meant that she had to wake, dress, and transport four kids under  10. (We thought it was great – “Wow! We get to go see Dad at work!”).

Mr. Lily had slaughtered a hog that day and driven down to give Dad a hindquarter as a thank-you for being a good doc. Dad had called Mom to come take it home.

As Dad tells the story:

“Put yourself in the waiting room at this point. You’re in a military emergency room at 0-dark-hundred.  You’re not happy.

“Suddenly, the door opens, and out come a happy smiling doctor in white coat and stethoscope, four happy smiling young children, a happy smiling one-legged man on crutches, and a happy smiling woman carrying a large, paper-wrapped, leg-shaped, bleeding parcel.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: LadyClaire on July 28, 2011, 03:37:32 PM
Ok..this one is slightly adult in nature, but...it's also one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

So my sister dated a guy for a while, and he had apparently gifted her with a plaster model of his..ahem..scrabble pieces. As in, it had been molded directly from his..well..bits and bobs. They had a rather rocky relationship, and eventually it ended for good. One day when I was over at her house, I discovered the plaster replica and said "So..uh..what are you going to do with this, now?"

My sister decided that she was going to take it outside and smash it on her back porch, which was a concrete slab. So outside we went and with great ceremony, she hurled the plaster privates onto the concrete, where it broke into only 2 pieces. The majority of it was still intact, and still very obvious as to what it was.

My sister owns a chocolate lab. The dog was outside with us, and thought we were playing some fantastic game. As the main part of the replica bounced across the concrete, the dog pounced on it, snatched it up, and took off with it sticking out of the side of her mouth. So we started chasing her in an attempt to get it back, because honestly, what would the neighbors think if the dog decided she wanted to play a game of "fetch" and dropped it at someone's feet? The dog thought we were joining in on her fun game, so she started to run in circles around the entire outside of my sister's house, with the two of us in hot pursuit. Around and around we went, dog, sister, and me, around and around the house, with the dog's ears flying in the breeze and the plaster you-know-what sticking out of her mouth like some sort of incredibly inappropriate cigar. We were hollering at her "Maggie! DROP THAT RIGHT NOW!!" but of course the dog was not listening. My sister was also afraid the dog would swallow it and start choking, and then how would she explain THAT to the vet?

Finally, my sister managed to catch the dog. I held the dog down while my sister pried her jaws open and removed the now rather worse-for-wear plaster whatsit from her teeth. I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe and my sister was scolding the dog, who was rather confused by the whole experience but quite pleased that we'd "played" with her for so long.

I think I just swallowed my gum.

If I die from this (unlikely at this juncture but I want to cover my bases) You need to come tell this story at my funeral.  I cannot stop laughing, and the mental image is going to be funny for a long time.

It's been..oh..about 5 or 6 years since the Plaster P*nis Pursuit, and the memory of it still makes me break into hysterical giggles. My sister still has the dog, who has proven to be a source of both amusement and embarrassment over the years. Maggie also has an underwear fetish. My sister wears small lace thongs. First embarrassing incident: DH and I were house sitting for my sister, when Maggie came and puked up a whole thong at DH's feet. I was in the bathroom at the time, and DH came in there with the dripping thong on the end of a pencil and said "it's still whole..do you..think your sister will still want it?"

I told him No, she would NOT want it, and to please throw it away.

A few months after that, Maggie ate one of my sister's bright red lace thongs, and proceeded to poop it out in the yard in front of a crowd of fascinated neighborhood children.

Then there was the time when, once again while we were house sitting, Maggie stole a pair of (thankfully clean!) panties from my laundry bag and apparently deposited them on my BIL's side of the bed. I did not notice, and after we left and my sister and her husband got back I got a call that night from my sister, who said "So...BIL found some panties on his side of the bed. I'm assuming they're yours, since they're not mine. Or at least, they'd BETTER be yours, because if not then someone has a lot of explaining to do!"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Petticoats on July 28, 2011, 04:14:04 PM
Ok..this one is slightly adult in nature, but...it's also one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

So my sister dated a guy for a while, and he had apparently gifted her with a plaster model of his..ahem..scrabble pieces. As in, it had been molded directly from his..well..bits and bobs. They had a rather rocky relationship, and eventually it ended for good. One day when I was over at her house, I discovered the plaster replica and said "So..uh..what are you going to do with this, now?"

My sister decided that she was going to take it outside and smash it on her back porch, which was a concrete slab. So outside we went and with great ceremony, she hurled the plaster privates onto the concrete, where it broke into only 2 pieces. The majority of it was still intact, and still very obvious as to what it was.

My sister owns a chocolate lab. The dog was outside with us, and thought we were playing some fantastic game. As the main part of the replica bounced across the concrete, the dog pounced on it, snatched it up, and took off with it sticking out of the side of her mouth. So we started chasing her in an attempt to get it back, because honestly, what would the neighbors think if the dog decided she wanted to play a game of "fetch" and dropped it at someone's feet? The dog thought we were joining in on her fun game, so she started to run in circles around the entire outside of my sister's house, with the two of us in hot pursuit. Around and around we went, dog, sister, and me, around and around the house, with the dog's ears flying in the breeze and the plaster you-know-what sticking out of her mouth like some sort of incredibly inappropriate cigar. We were hollering at her "Maggie! DROP THAT RIGHT NOW!!" but of course the dog was not listening. My sister was also afraid the dog would swallow it and start choking, and then how would she explain THAT to the vet?

Finally, my sister managed to catch the dog. I held the dog down while my sister pried her jaws open and removed the now rather worse-for-wear plaster whatsit from her teeth. I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe and my sister was scolding the dog, who was rather confused by the whole experience but quite pleased that we'd "played" with her for so long.

I think I just swallowed my gum.

If I die from this (unlikely at this juncture but I want to cover my bases) You need to come tell this story at my funeral.  I cannot stop laughing, and the mental image is going to be funny for a long time.

It's been..oh..about 5 or 6 years since the Plaster P*nis Pursuit, and the memory of it still makes me break into hysterical giggles. My sister still has the dog, who has proven to be a source of both amusement and embarrassment over the years. Maggie also has an underwear fetish. My sister wears small lace thongs. First embarrassing incident: DH and I were house sitting for my sister, when Maggie came and puked up a whole thong at DH's feet. I was in the bathroom at the time, and DH came in there with the dripping thong on the end of a pencil and said "it's still whole..do you..think your sister will still want it?"

I told him No, she would NOT want it, and to please throw it away.

A few months after that, Maggie ate one of my sister's bright red lace thongs, and proceeded to poop it out in the yard in front of a crowd of fascinated neighborhood children.

Then there was the time when, once again while we were house sitting, Maggie stole a pair of (thankfully clean!) panties from my laundry bag and apparently deposited them on my BIL's side of the bed. I did not notice, and after we left and my sister and her husband got back I got a call that night from my sister, who said "So...BIL found some panties on his side of the bed. I'm assuming they're yours, since they're not mine. Or at least, they'd BETTER be yours, because if not then someone has a lot of explaining to do!"

Maggie needs to be declared a national treasure! These stories are just priceless.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: hermanne on July 28, 2011, 09:17:13 PM
ROFLOL!!! Go, Maggie!

And your DH; "It's still whole..." ::) ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: esteban on July 29, 2011, 07:57:03 AM
Ok..this one is slightly adult in nature, but...it's also one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

So my sister dated a guy for a while, and he had apparently gifted her with a plaster model of his..ahem..scrabble pieces. As in, it had been molded directly from his..well..bits and bobs. They had a rather rocky relationship, and eventually it ended for good. One day when I was over at her house, I discovered the plaster replica and said "So..uh..what are you going to do with this, now?"

My sister decided that she was going to take it outside and smash it on her back porch, which was a concrete slab. So outside we went and with great ceremony, she hurled the plaster privates onto the concrete, where it broke into only 2 pieces. The majority of it was still intact, and still very obvious as to what it was.

My sister owns a chocolate lab. The dog was outside with us, and thought we were playing some fantastic game. As the main part of the replica bounced across the concrete, the dog pounced on it, snatched it up, and took off with it sticking out of the side of her mouth. So we started chasing her in an attempt to get it back, because honestly, what would the neighbors think if the dog decided she wanted to play a game of "fetch" and dropped it at someone's feet? The dog thought we were joining in on her fun game, so she started to run in circles around the entire outside of my sister's house, with the two of us in hot pursuit. Around and around we went, dog, sister, and me, around and around the house, with the dog's ears flying in the breeze and the plaster you-know-what sticking out of her mouth like some sort of incredibly inappropriate cigar. We were hollering at her "Maggie! DROP THAT RIGHT NOW!!" but of course the dog was not listening. My sister was also afraid the dog would swallow it and start choking, and then how would she explain THAT to the vet?

Finally, my sister managed to catch the dog. I held the dog down while my sister pried her jaws open and removed the now rather worse-for-wear plaster whatsit from her teeth. I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe and my sister was scolding the dog, who was rather confused by the whole experience but quite pleased that we'd "played" with her for so long.

I think I just swallowed my gum.

If I die from this (unlikely at this juncture but I want to cover my bases) You need to come tell this story at my funeral.  I cannot stop laughing, and the mental image is going to be funny for a long time.

It's been..oh..about 5 or 6 years since the Plaster P*nis Pursuit, and the memory of it still makes me break into hysterical giggles. My sister still has the dog, who has proven to be a source of both amusement and embarrassment over the years. Maggie also has an underwear fetish. My sister wears small lace thongs. First embarrassing incident: DH and I were house sitting for my sister, when Maggie came and puked up a whole thong at DH's feet. I was in the bathroom at the time, and DH came in there with the dripping thong on the end of a pencil and said "it's still whole..do you..think your sister will still want it?"

I told him No, she would NOT want it, and to please throw it away.

A few months after that, Maggie ate one of my sister's bright red lace thongs, and proceeded to poop it out in the yard in front of a crowd of fascinated neighborhood children.

Then there was the time when, once again while we were house sitting, Maggie stole a pair of (thankfully clean!) panties from my laundry bag and apparently deposited them on my BIL's side of the bed. I did not notice, and after we left and my sister and her husband got back I got a call that night from my sister, who said "So...BIL found some panties on his side of the bed. I'm assuming they're yours, since they're not mine. Or at least, they'd BETTER be yours, because if not then someone has a lot of explaining to do!"

You DH is not a wasteful person is he?

I agree this dog needs to be declared an ehell treasure.  The most my dog ever ate was an entire DVD, case and all.  Not sure what about it tasted good (although it was spaceballs) but he did have sparkly disco-ball poop the next day.

Watching him poop my son who was about 3 at the time pointed to the dogs butt and said "Pretty"

Not my finest moment.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: blue2000 on July 29, 2011, 08:28:05 AM
My dad is a retired military surgeon, and this is my favorite of his many stories:

When I was about 4, one of Dad’s regular patients was a Korean War vet who’d lost a leg and still had a fair amount of shrapnel in his body, which required occasional care.  Said war vet, “Mr. Lily,” was a hog farmer in civilian life.

One night, Dad was on duty in the base emergency room. Around the middle of the night, he called Mom and asked her to come down. Which meant that she had to wake, dress, and transport four kids under  10. (We thought it was great – “Wow! We get to go see Dad at work!”).

Mr. Lily had slaughtered a hog that day and driven down to give Dad a hindquarter as a thank-you for being a good doc. Dad had called Mom to come take it home.

As Dad tells the story:

“Put yourself in the waiting room at this point. You’re in a military emergency room at 0-dark-hundred.  You’re not happy.

“Suddenly, the door opens, and out come a happy smiling doctor in white coat and stethoscope, four happy smiling young children, a happy smiling one-legged man on crutches, and a happy smiling woman carrying a large, paper-wrapped, leg-shaped, bleeding parcel.


<snerk>

I bet the looks on the patients' faces were priceless! ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on July 29, 2011, 09:48:39 AM
My dad is a retired military surgeon, and this is my favorite of his many stories:

When I was about 4, one of Dad’s regular patients was a Korean War vet who’d lost a leg and still had a fair amount of shrapnel in his body, which required occasional care.  Said war vet, “Mr. Lily,” was a hog farmer in civilian life.

One night, Dad was on duty in the base emergency room. Around the middle of the night, he called Mom and asked her to come down. Which meant that she had to wake, dress, and transport four kids under  10. (We thought it was great – “Wow! We get to go see Dad at work!”).

Mr. Lily had slaughtered a hog that day and driven down to give Dad a hindquarter as a thank-you for being a good doc. Dad had called Mom to come take it home.

As Dad tells the story:

“Put yourself in the waiting room at this point. You’re in a military emergency room at 0-dark-hundred.  You’re not happy.

“Suddenly, the door opens, and out come a happy smiling doctor in white coat and stethoscope, four happy smiling young children, a happy smiling one-legged man on crutches, and a happy smiling woman carrying a large, paper-wrapped, leg-shaped, bleeding parcel.


<snerk>

I bet the looks on the patients' faces were priceless! ;D

Dad said they turned green, one by one.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: MsCopper on July 30, 2011, 11:06:12 PM
There was a sign at one of the cemeteries in a town a few miles away from me a while back. "Space now available!" I was cracking up laughing really hard while I was stopped at the red light across the street from it. The people in the car next to me must have thought I lost it.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Slartibartfast on July 31, 2011, 09:31:38 AM
Zenith, just to let you know, garlic can make dogs very uncomfortable - it makes them throw up and makes their stomachs churn.  We had a problem with a neighbor kid feeding our dogs pickles  ::) and then the dogs would come inside and throw up pickle everywhere.  I'm guessing a little hint of garlic isn't bad, but anything with garlic as a major flavor probably shouldn't be shared with the dog  :-\
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sirius on August 01, 2011, 02:19:15 AM
Way back at the dawn of time someone on this board was describing what it was like to share an office with guinea pigs that had been fed broccoli. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on August 02, 2011, 11:52:24 AM
My brother "Gary" and his wife "Kelly" recently moved into a new home.

Gary was at work when Kelly heard a strange, "scritching" noise coming from their entertainment center.
She crept up and after carefully listening, determined that the entertainment center was now inhabited by some unknown...critter-thing.

Kelly is a tough lady, but she draws the line at possessed furniture. She called Gary.
"There is a critter in the entertainment center. You need to come home now and deal with it!"

Cue Gary, cautiously approaching the aforementioned possessed furniture.
Carefully opening door after drawer and peering into the depths, not sure what is going to leap out.  :o
Finally, he discovers that there is a 2" gap *behind* the entertainment center. And in this gap is a very irate, very territorial...ground squirrel. (Like a gopher on steroids).
A stare down ensues. Gary versus the ground squirrel.
The critter has been there for some time and has managed to chew on several wires, nest and generally plant it's little rodent flag.

Gary promptly has an attack of wisdom and decides that reaching in to grab the creature is a Bad idea. Bare wires, cluttered space and an irate rodent with sharp teeth.
So they decide to...vacuum...the creature.
The nozzle is small, and the suction won't harm it, and it lets them pick the ground squirrel up from a safe distance.

The plan is to gently grab hold of the animal and drop it into a cat carrier. The door will slam shut and the creature will be taken outside and released.
Kelly's job is to hold the cat carrier. As I said, she's a tough lady. She's also not stupid. Even at arm's length, a flailing, confused, vacuumed rodent was waaay to close for comfort.  :P
Accordingly, she held the cat carrier on the end of a broom handle.

As it turns out, a single vacuum is not strong enough to pick up a ground squirrel. Since this is not a well documented field, I guess they can be excused for not knowing this fact.
A little duct tape and a second vacuum hose later (which made me wonder who owns two vacuums?) they succeed in picking up the errant animal, dropping it into the carrier and closing the door.

Picture, if you will, a young couple, one wielding a cat carrier on the end of a broom handle, the other with two vacuum hoses taped together, both focused with laser intensity on a 2" space behind the TV.
At which point their 3 year old wanders into the room and asks the very reasonable question "What is daddy doing?"
Kelly, not wanting little Todd to either a) freak out at the idea that their furniture is infested or, even worse, try to help, Kelly said, deadpan, "He's helping mommy vacuum." Apparently this was not interesting enough to Todd and he wandered off.  ;D

Happily, the ground squirrel has been relocated to a more appropriate outdoor environment and Kelly, Gary and the family are able to enjoy their now exorcised entertainment center.  :)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on August 02, 2011, 01:36:12 PM
Oh!  Oh!  The ground squirrel reminded me of one.  But it's BAAAADDD.

A friend of mine was pet-sitting for a friend who owned a boa constrictor and was on vacation for three weeks.  I think twice a week, Friend was supposed to go to the house and feed the snake.  The house was really pretty, the snake cage was the centerpiece of the room it was in and there was a whole sort of Asian feel to the room.  And off to the side was the mouse farm that served as the snake's menu.

SnakeOwner didn't get a chance to show Friend whole feeding procedure but explained that you had to give the snake a mouse twice a week and here are the things you should check the snake for and left a whole detailed list of "reasons to call the snake vet" and "stuff that will make the house blow up."

First feeding day, Friend goes to the house and immediately realizes that she hadn't thought this through carefully because this job first involves catching a mouse. Mice know when they're about to be fed to a snake and so, when she reached her hand into the mouse farm, CHOMP, she was bit.  Scrounges around and finds some gloves next to the mouse farm, along with a little wooden table and a mallet and a Zen sand thingy and bitty rake and other oddments.  Huh.  On with the gloves, catches a mouse, tosses it into the snake's cage and that part of the process is done.  She waters the plants, sorts the mail, and goes back to her life.

Comes back several days later only to find the snake looking a little peaked and a skinny but sassy mouse zooming around in the snake's cage.  Huh?  Friend isn't reaching in to the snake's cage to take the mouse out so she tosses a little mouse food into the snake cage, repeats the rest of her routine and leaves.  Comes back a couple of days later and the mouse is still hale and healthy but the snake is eyeing her in a way that doesn't seem entirely friendly.  Now she's worried.  She calls the vet, who says that the snake will eat when it's hungry and asks her other questions that are hard to answer about a snake that you barely know.  So Friend does the only sensible thing and calls SnakeOwner to explain the situation.

SnakeOwner can't understand why her snake won't eat.  You sure you got a new mouse?  And it was alive? You didn't hit it too hard?

Wait.  What?

Well, it turns out that the snake doesn't eat dead mice.  It also won't eat running around mice.  So you have to knock the mouse unconcious before it goes into the snake cage.  That's what the little wooden table and mallet are for - you get the mouse out of the farm, cup it on the wooden table and smack it with the hammer hard enough to knock it unconcious but not enough to kill it.  Turns out that takes a knack - not everyone can stun a mouse.

Friend still can't actually bring herself to reach into the snake's cage to fish for the living mouse in there, so she tosses some more mouse food in and then fishes out another mouse, WHACKS it on its little mousey head and gives it to the snake who apparently doesn't care so much about the distinction between living and dead after a week of no food because it jumps on little Mousey FooFoo like a reptile avenger.

And Friend suddenly understood why it was that SnakeOwner would hum the Bunny FooFoo song when it was feeding time.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Luci on August 02, 2011, 02:11:37 PM
Run, Luci, run! No way I could do that!

As much as I dislike mice, it's stil RUN.

We had fish. I thought the goldfish in the shop were nice. No, those are feeder fish for the paranahs, and the crickets we feeders for the snakes.

Run, Luci, run.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Punky B. on August 02, 2011, 02:17:49 PM
And the snake one reminded me... ;D  Warning, involves mice as food...

My old roomate also had a boa constrictor that had to be fed stunned mice.  Her method was to grab the mouse by the tail and wack it on the corner of the counter, breaking it's neck but leaving it alive.  She goes to wack one day and... the neck didn't break.  She is now holding a spectacularly peeved mouse by the tail, who rears up and bites her in the webbing of the thumb and pointer finger.  The mouse will not let go, friend is flailing, and blood is flying everywhere.  She cannot get the mouse to release her, and I can't say I blame him.  Eventually she shakes the mouse free and it bounces off the wall, shakes its head, and scurries off, never to be seen again.  We agreed it had earned it's freedom in battle, once I was able to regain control.

She had a different snake that ate "mice on ice".  Imagine, a thin, long box about the size of an ice-cube tray.  On the top, pictures of happy, cavorting mice, wearing scarves and mittens.  They are ice skating.  They are having snowball fights and singing carols.  The box promises mice that are having the time of their lives.

Peel off the top- and there are pink baby mice, crammed into different compartments, frozen and blobby.  Sometimes their little hands would be reaching upward, frozen in time, as if waiting for rescue.  It was so incredibly depressing, but coupled with the happy box art mice- I laughed.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on August 02, 2011, 02:25:15 PM
Aha haha haaaa the snake and squirrel ones are so funny!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: twiggy on August 02, 2011, 02:51:04 PM
One year, as a gag gift, DH bought his brother a talking action figure for Christmas. It was a 12” tall Jesus doll that recited John 3:16. (http://www.megahobby.com/messengersoffaithjesusactionfigurebyone2believe.aspx) When BIL opened it, his older sister started singing “Your own, personal…Jesus” and we all busted up laughing. I’m not sure how or why, but it ended up in BIL’s car. It was there when BIL was pulled over and arrested for DUI. DH and I gave BIL a ride to the impound lot to pick up the car and there was Jesus, sitting on the dashboard. I couldn’t help it, I started singing the Carrie Underwood song “Jesus take the wheel”

ETA: link
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on August 02, 2011, 02:57:55 PM
She is now holding a spectacularly peeved mouse by the tail, who rears up and bites her in the webbing of the thumb and pointer finger.  The mouse will not let go, friend is flailing, and blood is flying everywhere.  She cannot get the mouse to release her, and I can't say I blame him.  Eventually she shakes the mouse free and it bounces off the wall, shakes its head, and scurries off, never to be seen again.  We agreed it had earned it's freedom in battle, once I was able to regain control.

I had a similar experience in a lab as an undergraduate, except it involved a rat. The rat had escaped, and the grad student I worked with grabbed it by the base of the tail. Rat whipped around and clamped its teeth in the base of "Rob's" thumb.

Rob, with incredible aplomb, turned to me and said, "Eventually, this rat is going to let go. When it does, I'm going to leave the room, and it will be YOUR problem."

As I recall, I managed to trap it under a box.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Slartibartfast on August 02, 2011, 03:23:50 PM
I had a pet snake for a long time when I was a kid, and I did feed it mice.  My parents actually let me breed mice in the basement.  (I can't believe they did that!)  Anyway, when my snake was smaller, it couldn't eat adult mice, so I had to feed it babies.  And since mice grow so quickly, I had to do the whole "pinkie mice in the freezer" thing.

Protip: put frozen mice in an opaque container before your grandparents visit.  I nearly gave my (very proper, very elegant) grandmother a heart attack.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RingTailedLemur on August 02, 2011, 04:11:10 PM
White Dragon, your writing style is hilarious!  What a great post!


Also, I am ver glad that you can't feed live mammals in the UK.  I do know a US person who adopted a rabbit which had been snake food.  The rabbit killed the snake...

Edited because rabbi = rabbit. Except for Jewish lapines.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on August 02, 2011, 07:01:35 PM
White Dragon, your writing style is hilarious!  What a great post!


Also, I am ver glad that you can't feed live mammals in the UK.  I do know a US person who adopted a rabbit which had been snake food.  The rabbit killed the snake...

Edited because rabbi = rabbit. Except for Jewish lapines.

I nearly strangled my cousin once over a similar situation. He begged me to give him a snake, so i gave him Princess, a ratsnake. Sweet as sugar and very friendly.

I told him to feed her ONLY dead, thawed mice. One day he calls me and tells me I can have Princess back, and says he will leave her cage on our porch.

I figured out why he didn't stay to visit when I took Princess out and she was covered in knaw marks. He had stuck live rats in with her! I screamed, then i cried, then my dad took the (still in the cage) rat and disposed of it for me. Princess survived but she was never as pretty. Then Cousin tried to convince me to give him a boa.  >:(
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Miss Vertigo on August 02, 2011, 08:13:30 PM

As it turns out, a single vacuum is not strong enough to pick up a ground squirrel.

There's a sentence I never thought I'd read!

That, m'dear, is *the* funniest post I've ever read on here. Bravo!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on August 02, 2011, 08:59:51 PM

As it turns out, a single vacuum is not strong enough to pick up a ground squirrel.

There's a sentence I never thought I'd read!

That, m'dear, is *the* funniest post I've ever read on here. Bravo!

blush

Thank you. You should have heard Gary tell it last weekend, complete with hand gestures and sound effects.  :D And beer.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Tashigi on August 03, 2011, 01:32:33 AM
My ex-boyfriend swore he witnessed this scene:
Picture a pet store. Picture a cute-as-a-button little girl. She goes over to the rabbits and eyes them intently. An employee comes over to help her. "What kind of rabbit do you want? Here's one with lop ears and here's a dwarf. What color do you like? This one looks really cute!"

The little girl tilts her head this way. She pauses and then says, "I don't think my snake really cares."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Luci on August 03, 2011, 02:14:29 AM
My ex-boyfriend swore he witnessed this scene:
Picture a pet store. Picture a cute-as-a-button little girl. She goes over to the rabbits and eyes them intently. An employee comes over to help her. "What kind of rabbit do you want? Here's one with lop ears and here's a dwarf. What color do you like? This one looks really cute!"

The little girl tilts her head this way. She pauses and then says, "I don't think my snake really cares."

I've heard the story except, "I don't think my snake gives a (poop)." Ex boyfriend? It's still a good story.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: ettiquit on August 03, 2011, 01:30:45 PM
I have two.  In the first I inadvertently caused the inappropriate laughter, and in the second I was laughing inappropriately.

#1 - I was in high school, and one of my grandmothers passed away.  We were at the funeral home for the viewing and I spotted a piano in the corner.  I had started teaching myself to play not too long ago and without thinking offered to play the song I was currently working on.  So what I said to my brother, parents, and cousins was "Ooh, a piano!  I could go play "Cold as Ice" (Foreigner)!".  They all just sort of gaped at me and the started laughing.  It still comes up occasionally.


#2 - The DH of a good friend of mine has a prosthetic leg (below the knee), and they were going through a difficult time financially.  We were on the phone and she was updating me on their situation and said "Well, DH did have a job interview lined for today, but he had to cancel it because his leg's in the shop."

I lost it.  Thankfully, so did she.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: wendelenn on August 07, 2011, 03:36:30 PM
Singer Nicki Minaj had a wardrobe malfunction with the top portion of her outfit while performing on Good Morning America.

I know it's not really funny, but I had to laugh at the title of the song she was performing at the time:

"Where Dem Girls At"

(I think viewers found out the answer!)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on August 10, 2011, 07:05:43 PM
I heard another story from Gary a few days ago.

Gary is a contractor who works for a highway maintenance company. One of the jobs his company does is to maintain the port-a-potties at jobsites.

So Gary sends a truck out to service a site. The driver uncoils the vacuum hose, places it in the resevoir and engages the suction.
Now, port-a-potties are difficult to clean out. The material being removed is not consistent in texture and the hose jumps and wiggles a bit as the material passes through.
Accordingly, the driver made sure he had a firm, yet flexible grip on the hose before proceeding. He was braced against the inevitable shakes and tremors.
He was not, however, braced against the notion that Something inside the port-a-potty resevoir would be pulling on the hose.

Driver pulled.
Somenting pulled back.
Driver - surely a bit paler now - pulled some more.
Something pulled back harder.

At this point, the driver called Gary to report a possessed port-a-potty.
Gary walked him through some troubleshooting steps, thinking the problem was mechanical.

Nope. Something was in that port-a-potty and It.Wanted.That.Hose.
Driver shut off the vacuum and stepped away from the hose. Far away from the hose.

Meanwhile, back in the outhouse...

A poor creature (species unknown) had managed to fall into the port-a-potty. No one knows how long the poor thing had been there, staring up at the moon(s) as they came and went.
Finally, for the poor creature, in what must have seened like manna from above, a tube was lowered into its prison.
So it tried to climb up.
But as it grabbed and tried to grip the heaven-sent tube, Something kept pulling the tube away.
So the creature tried harder.
And the tube pulled away harder. The lifeline was disappearing!

Finally, after what was surely the smelliest eternity a creature has experienced, the noise stopped, the hose was still and the creature was able to climb out to safety.

All the driver saw was a poor, bedraggled, very soiled - and yet relieved - critter bolt out of the port-a-potty and back into the woods.

Department of Highways. Exorcising and sanitizing port-a-potties everywhere for your safety and convenience!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: twiggy on August 12, 2011, 07:45:41 AM
I wasn't there for this, but it is one of those family stories that gets told and retold. About 10 years ago, my uncle was battling cancer. He was in the ICU, and everyone knew it was just a matter of time. Well, time ran out. Aunt was devastated, and her sisters and mom were there for moral support. Meanwhile, Uncle's parents were racing in from out of town. They were in the air when Uncle passed, but the hospital staff said there wasn't a rush, and that Uncle's body could stay in the room until his parents got there. As you can imagine, it was pretty quiet and somber in that room.
Well, apparently there was a shift change or something bc a cheerful new doctor came into the room and addressed Uncle. Now, at this point, Uncle wasn't hooked up to any of the monitors, IVs, tubes, intubation, nothing. Cheerful Doctor glances at the chart, then leans over the bed and asks "So how are you today Mr. Uncle?"....no response....then, to Aunt: "Well, we'll let him get back to rest, I just need to ask a few questions." Aunt didn't know how to respond, but Sis. 4 looked at the doctor and blurted out "ummm, he's dead" At which point the Doctor looked more carefully at the chart, apologized profusely, and quickly exited the room. From what I hear, they all looked at each other in stunned silence for a moment then burst out laughing. Aunt says she wasn't sure what Doctor expected, but if Uncle answered, she was going to call the Priest back.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on August 12, 2011, 08:38:40 AM
Twiggy, that's hilarious!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Luci on August 12, 2011, 09:35:43 AM
Twiggy wins! I am printing that one!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: ettiquit on August 12, 2011, 04:11:16 PM
What would have made Twiggy's story perfect is if the doctor had stayed and laughed with the family.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: twiggy on August 12, 2011, 04:39:46 PM
What would have made Twiggy's story perfect is if the doctor had stayed and laughed with the family.

from what I understand, the doctor was pretty traumatized. I think he was Japanese, but I'm not sure on that one. According to my mom, the poor man literally "bowed out" of the room, apologizing. After that, my aunts and mom spent the next hour or so (waiting for Uncle's parents) asking Uncle random, silly questions and laughing. Such as, "oh Uncle, are you cold, let me get you another blanket"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on August 12, 2011, 04:58:44 PM
What would have made Twiggy's story perfect is if the doctor had stayed and laughed with the family.

from what I understand, the doctor was pretty traumatized. I think he was Japanese, but I'm not sure on that one. According to my mom, the poor man literally "bowed out" of the room, apologizing. After that, my aunts and mom spent the next hour or so (waiting for Uncle's parents) asking Uncle random, silly questions and laughing. Such as, "oh Uncle, are you cold, let me get you another blanket"

I love your aunts and mom.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on August 17, 2011, 11:32:00 AM
Had an incident at the dr's office yesterday.   Since they're not really doing much at my appointments these days aside from measuring the stomach and asking how I'm doing, I didn't worry about finding anyone to take the boys along with me, so I did.

We're sitting there in the exam room after the assistant left and before the midwife enters and Pirateboy2 notices a small plastic tray with some *ahem* contraceptives inside and a sign saying "FREE" on the side of the tray.  Now the boys are 10 and nearly 9 and they have already had "the talk" so they know how babies are made.   The conversation goes as such.

PB2: Mom, what are those?
Me: *blush* Well, you know how babies are made, right?
PB1 & 2: *blushing* Yeah...
Me: Well...if a man and women are doing that but they don't want to make a baby, the man wears one of those and it prevents this. *I point to my own belly.*
PB2: But...where does he put it?
Me: Where do you think it goes?
PB2: *Looks down at his lap and blushes.* Oh...yeah...ewww...

And that was when the midwife walks in and sees that we were having an awkward conversation so I told her what we'd been talking about and she asked the boys what they'd learned about the free items.  PB2 is blushing too much to talk but PB1 is able to explain it while still blushing a bit. 

I told DH later and the two of us cracked up.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Outdoor Girl on August 17, 2011, 12:18:35 PM
Pirate, that is hysterical.  (And really good parenting, in this non-parent's opinion.)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on August 17, 2011, 01:36:53 PM
Pirate, that is hysterical.  (And really good parenting, in this non-parent's opinion.)

Thanks! Hopefully they won't have any more need of those for another 10 years at least but at least they know what they're for! LOL!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Sebastienne on August 17, 2011, 03:19:24 PM
Pirate--awesome, in many ways.

The charity solicitors thread reminded me of this one.  There was a heavily trafficked area of my university that you couldn't walk through without having at least flyers for various causes/events shoved in your hand.  At one point, when I was walking with my friend L, the following exchange occurred:

Earnest Young Man, blocking our path: Do you want the genocide in Darfur to end?!
L: No! (keeps walking)
Me: So, L, you're saying you're pro-genocide?

It was a good turn of phrase on EYM's part, actually.  Because who wants to admit that they're genocide lovers?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on August 17, 2011, 04:13:15 PM
Pirate--awesome, in many ways.

The charity solicitors thread reminded me of this one.  There was a heavily trafficked area of my university that you couldn't walk through without having at least flyers for various causes/events shoved in your hand.  At one point, when I was walking with my friend L, the following exchange occurred:

Earnest Young Man, blocking our path: Do you want the genocide in Darfur to end?!
L: No! (keeps walking)
Me: So, L, you're saying you're pro-genocide?

It was a good turn of phrase on EYM's part, actually.  Because who wants to admit that they're genocide lovers?

If EvilTraska were to be let out to play (sadly, this never happens), the temptation would be too great.

Earnest Young Man, blocking our path: Do you want the genocide in Darfur to end?!
ET:  Wait, are you saying I have influence over this?  ME?  Oh, the power!  THE POWER!  End?  No no, we must forge on!  I say we increase it!  I want all shifts working 14 hour days from this point!  We can't fall behind in the genocide race!  We must have parity!  Dominion!

Then laugh unsettlingly until EYM goes away.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Luci on August 18, 2011, 11:03:04 PM
I just had major, major back surgery with a four month recovery ahead of me. The occupational therepist asked me about my walker so I told her it had been my mother in law's but she didn't need it anymore. The therepist kindly said the she hoped I wouldn't need it for long either.

Then I said that she was resting comfortably in her urn.
 
I'm blaming it on the drugs.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kherbert05 on August 21, 2011, 11:36:05 AM
DF used to have a habit of walking straight into lamp-posts because he was too busy looking around and not looking where he was going. The second time he did that, I swear the poor guy saw stars. I asked if he was OK, but I was desperately trying to disguise my giggles. He looked so confused, like "Who put that there?!"  ::)
I ran into the corner of the closet walking into my childhood bedroom so frequently that I wore the sheet rock off. Mom was amazed I didn't give myself black eyes.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on August 23, 2011, 07:10:27 PM
My theater community has their version of the Tony Awards. The awards themselves look like, well, cheesboards. Seriously, they're nice-looking, but just the design, shape, and material make them look like cheesboards. It's an inside joke in the theater community - people will refer to them as 'cheesboards' instead of the award, and some who have won them have even taken photos of them with pieces of cheese served on them. I'm sure this is probably not too funny to the organization that has spent a lot of time and money designing them, I'm sure they would probably be insulted aand hurt by all this.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Fluffy Cat on August 23, 2011, 07:50:06 PM
My theater community has their version of the Tony Awards. The awards themselves look like, well, cheesboards. Seriously, they're nice-looking, but just the design, shape, and material make them look like cheesboards. It's an inside joke in the theater community - people will refer to them as 'cheesboards' instead of the award, and some who have won them have even taken photos of them with pieces of cheese served on them. I'm sure this is probably not too funny to the organization that has spent a lot of time and money designing them, I'm sure they would probably be insulted aand hurt by all this.

It sprained my brain for a moment trying to figure out if you meant chessboard or cheeseboard.  Like it was some sort of national emergency that I know which one you meant. but I'm sure that acting is more important and you do it better than you spell LOL.  Or more importantly, better than I spell.   ;D

ETA: "know", not "no"  :-[
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on August 23, 2011, 08:13:10 PM
Yeah...I meant cheeseboard. Oops!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Fleur-de-Lis on August 24, 2011, 03:05:53 PM
Fun with typos: "Prepare a Declaration for (attorney) to sing regarding . . . ."

Must not ask in which key the designated attorney will sing. Must not.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Luci on August 24, 2011, 09:44:09 PM
Coming to your TV screen next spring: Lawywer Rock!

(Doomed to failure, methinks.)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on August 25, 2011, 12:12:22 AM
Fun with typos: "Prepare a Declaration for (attorney) to sing regarding . . . ."

Must not ask in which key the designated attorney will sing. Must not.

Commas save lives, you know.

"Do you want to eat, John?"

OR

"Do you want to eat John?"
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Twik on August 25, 2011, 06:54:17 PM
Fun with typos: "Prepare a Declaration for (attorney) to sing regarding . . . ."

Must not ask in which key the designated attorney will sing. Must not.

When I went to Mexico with friends, the forms had been printed with a typo, asking entrants to "sing in the designated box". We lost our dignity wondering what exactly we had to sing, and if we would be denied entrance if we were off-key.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: lady_disdain on August 25, 2011, 10:44:36 PM
My theater community has their version of the Tony Awards. The awards themselves look like, well, cheesboards. Seriously, they're nice-looking, but just the design, shape, and material make them look like cheesboards. It's an inside joke in the theater community - people will refer to them as 'cheesboards' instead of the award, and some who have won them have even taken photos of them with pieces of cheese served on them. I'm sure this is probably not too funny to the organization that has spent a lot of time and money designing them, I'm sure they would probably be insulted aand hurt by all this.

It sprained my brain for a moment trying to figure out if you meant chessboard or cheeseboard.  Like it was some sort of national emergency that I know which one you meant. but I'm sure that acting is more important and you do it better than you spell LOL.  Or more importantly, better than I spell.   ;D

ETA: "know", not "no"  :-[


Your ETA is very appropriate :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: snowfire on August 27, 2011, 08:23:47 PM
Last night I was grilling out on the back porch.  I was being careful going in and out as I wanted to keep both the cool air and the cats indoors.  I didn't see that one of my furballs was hiding behind the couch revving her engine.  I opened the sliding glass door and from around ankle height heard a "thud, doooiiiiing".  Yep, Smudge had just run face first into the closed screen door.  I got out, closing the screen door behind me and heard "thud, doooiiiiing" again.  Different cat, same stunt.   ::)  They are usually more graceful and aware, I promise.  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: kingsrings on August 31, 2011, 08:44:46 PM
My mom and I were talking about the recent hurricane, and she was telling me about the procedure for people who refuse to evacuate - how the authorities then make them have their name and contact info written in black marker ink on their arm. My mom said something along the lines of, "So if you're missing, they'll just find your arm with your name on it". It just struck me as funny when it shouldn't have. I know there's nothing at all funny about people going missing in a hurricane, but just the thought of these arms floating around with something along the lines of, "Property of....." written on them...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Gyburc on September 01, 2011, 05:41:10 AM
Last night I was grilling out on the back porch.  I was being careful going in and out as I wanted to keep both the cool air and the cats indoors.  I didn't see that one of my furballs was hiding behind the couch revving her engine.  I opened the sliding glass door and from around ankle height heard a "thud, doooiiiiing".  Yep, Smudge had just run face first into the closed screen door.  I got out, closing the screen door behind me and heard "thud, doooiiiiing" again.  Different cat, same stunt.   ::)  They are usually more graceful and aware, I promise.  ;D

My geese are prone to doing the same thing, especially the gander, Titan. He tends to stalk around the garden with his head held high, beak up, showing off to his girls (Honoria and Lembit). Unfortunately this means that he can't actually see where he is going. I've watched him fall into the pond twice and into the drinking water container once...   :D  He doesn't appreciate it when I laugh.


Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 02, 2011, 02:27:47 AM
I have 2 stories; one happened Monday and one happened Tuesday.  I'm still laughing about both of them, especially the first one because I absolutely love puns.  If I make a pun, I am usually the only one laughing at my joke and I'm still laughing the hardest...

Monday: I had to read "A Modest Proposal" for a class.  For those of you that don't know, it's a satirical proposition about selling beggars babies for consumption.  As a response, we had to write about how the author used issues, claims, warrants, and audience in his writing.  In discussing how the author used claims, I wrote something like (am leaving unimportant pieces out) the following: "He wrote it that way to make his proposal more appetizing."  I had to stop to laugh about it even now.

Tuesday:  I had a new mole surface on my back.  I went to my doctor Tuesday morning for her to look at it and possibly remove it.  She decided to remove it then and there, so I laid down on my stomach and let her have at it.  Some liquid across my back, a little jab for the numbing medication, and a little pressure as she sliced off the thing.  A pause, then WHOOOOOSH!

Somehow there was a disconnect between the doctor and the nurse.  The nurse had, of course, put rubbing alcohol on my back.  The doctor did not realize it had not yet evaporated or that the nurse hadn't wiped off the excess, or whatever.

Yes, what I am telling you is that my doctor lit my back on fire in trying to cauterize my tiny wound.

I could not stop laughing, and not the hysterical kind of nervous laugh, I seriously found it funny that my doctor lit my back on fire.  I am sure she felt just awful.  I kept placating her that sometimes things happen, no harm was done, so on and so forth; but I couldn't quit laughing.  How many people can say what I can?

ETA: a word that was not used in a dirty sense but was changed by the filters.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Morticia on September 02, 2011, 08:48:30 AM
...
Tuesday:  I had a new mole surface on my back.  I went to my doctor Tuesday morning for her to look at it and possibly remove it.  She decided to remove it then and there, so I laid down on my stomach and let her have at it.  Some liquid across my back, a little wingadingdingy for the numbing medication, and a little pressure as she sliced off the thing.  A pause, then WHOOOOOSH!

...

I probably shouldn't laugh at the bolded, but I did.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 02, 2011, 11:58:10 AM
Whoops!  I'll need to change that I guess.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: jayhawk on September 02, 2011, 02:09:30 PM
I have 2 stories; one happened Monday and one happened Tuesday.  I'm still laughing about both of them, especially the first one because I absolutely love puns.  If I make a pun, I am usually the only one laughing at my joke and I'm still laughing the hardest...

Monday: I had to read "A Modest Proposal" for a class.  For those of you that don't know, it's a satirical proposition about selling beggars babies for consumption.  As a response, we had to write about how the author used issues, claims, warrants, and audience in his writing.  In discussing how the author used claims, I wrote something like (am leaving unimportant pieces out) the following: "He wrote it that way to make his proposal more appetizing."  I had to stop to laugh about it even now.

Tuesday:  I had a new mole surface on my back.  I went to my doctor Tuesday morning for her to look at it and possibly remove it.  She decided to remove it then and there, so I laid down on my stomach and let her have at it.  Some liquid across my back, a little jab for the numbing medication, and a little pressure as she sliced off the thing.  A pause, then WHOOOOOSH!

Somehow there was a disconnect between the doctor and the nurse.  The nurse had, of course, put rubbing alcohol on my back.  The doctor did not realize it had not yet evaporated or that the nurse hadn't wiped off the excess, or whatever.

Yes, what I am telling you is that my doctor lit my back on fire in trying to cauterize my tiny wound.

I could not stop laughing, and not the hysterical kind of nervous laugh, I seriously found it funny that my doctor lit my back on fire.  I am sure she felt just awful.  I kept placating her that sometimes things happen, no harm was done, so on and so forth; but I couldn't quit laughing.  How many people can say what I can?

ETA: a word that was not used in a dirty sense but was changed by the filters.

The burning back?  SO COOL!  You are magnificent.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 02, 2011, 02:15:44 PM
I have 2 stories; one happened Monday and one happened Tuesday.  I'm still laughing about both of them, especially the first one because I absolutely love puns.  If I make a pun, I am usually the only one laughing at my joke and I'm still laughing the hardest...

Monday: I had to read "A Modest Proposal" for a class.  For those of you that don't know, it's a satirical proposition about selling beggars babies for consumption.  As a response, we had to write about how the author used issues, claims, warrants, and audience in his writing.  In discussing how the author used claims, I wrote something like (am leaving unimportant pieces out) the following: "He wrote it that way to make his proposal more appetizing."  I had to stop to laugh about it even now.

Tuesday:  I had a new mole surface on my back.  I went to my doctor Tuesday morning for her to look at it and possibly remove it.  She decided to remove it then and there, so I laid down on my stomach and let her have at it.  Some liquid across my back, a little jab for the numbing medication, and a little pressure as she sliced off the thing.  A pause, then WHOOOOOSH!

Somehow there was a disconnect between the doctor and the nurse.  The nurse had, of course, put rubbing alcohol on my back.  The doctor did not realize it had not yet evaporated or that the nurse hadn't wiped off the excess, or whatever.

Yes, what I am telling you is that my doctor lit my back on fire in trying to cauterize my tiny wound.

I could not stop laughing, and not the hysterical kind of nervous laugh, I seriously found it funny that my doctor lit my back on fire.  I am sure she felt just awful.  I kept placating her that sometimes things happen, no harm was done, so on and so forth; but I couldn't quit laughing.  How many people can say what I can?

ETA: a word that was not used in a dirty sense but was changed by the filters.

The burning back?  SO COOL!  You are magnificent.

I'm glad my mother and I are not the only ones to find this awesome.  I keep thinking of things I'm going to say to the doctor upon my next visit.

"Could you at least warn me this time before you light me on fire?"

"I'll have to ask you to hand over any matches or lighters before we start."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: blueyzca01 on September 02, 2011, 05:15:31 PM
Fun with typos: "Prepare a Declaration for (attorney) to sing regarding . . . ."

Must not ask in which key the designated attorney will sing. Must not.

Commas save lives, you know.

"Do you want to eat, John?"

OR

"Do you want to eat John?"


I've always liked, "I help my uncle, Jack, off a horse."  Remove the commas for a whole new sentence!!!!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 02, 2011, 08:20:52 PM
Fun with typos: "Prepare a Declaration for (attorney) to sing regarding . . . ."

Must not ask in which key the designated attorney will sing. Must not.

Commas save lives, you know.

"Do you want to eat, John?"

OR

"Do you want to eat John?"


I've always liked, "I help my uncle, Jack, off a horse."  Remove the commas for a whole new sentence!!!!

I have to tell my sister that one!  She's the one that told me the comma thing.  That's great!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Midnight Kitty on September 02, 2011, 08:22:54 PM
I heard this one on Dennis Miller this morning.  I do not vouch for the accuracy of the underlying story.

The story: A man decapitated himself after losing an argument with his wife.
Dennis's comment: His last thought was "I'll show her!"

My first thought wasn't "That's not funny."  It was "Finally I have something to post in Thing that you just should NOT laugh at." >:D

A couple years ago, one of our upstairs neighbors jumped off her lanai and landed on the parking deck under our lanai.  The woman and her husband had been in a counseling session with their pastor when she walked out of the room, into the bedroom, and off the balcony.  Very sad ... but ... I couldn't help but wonder if the two men looked down at her lifeless body, then at each other and asked, "Was it something I said."

I know.  Not funny.  I didn't laugh.  I was just wondering, ya know.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on September 03, 2011, 03:01:33 PM
Proof I shouldn't be allowed around kids.

I showed the disney movie "The Little Mermaid" to my niece while babysitting and it spawned this conversation between her, me and her mother (my cousin, yes i know my niece is really my cousin. But she calls me Aunt Kimmie!)

Niece: Hey, what would happen if you made sushi out of a mermaid?
Her mom: That's canibalism.
Niece: What about the tail? Would it taste like tuna? Would it be good sushi?
Me: Umm... yeah. Yeah it would, and it'd be okay sushi if it were fresh I guess. (I didn't wanna admit I didn't know the answer.)
Niece: Yum. Mommy, what would happen if you ate a mermaid's tail?
Her mom: Ask Kimmie, she probably knows.
Niece: Aunt Kimmie! What would happen if you ate Ariel's tail?
Me: You'd live forever.
Her mom: What? Seriously?
Me: yeah, i saw it in an anime.
Her mom: You have issues.
Niece: I'd eat her fried though.

Strangely, my cousin still lets me babysit her kids.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 03, 2011, 03:19:14 PM
Proof I shouldn't be allowed around kids.

I showed the disney movie "The Little Mermaid" to my niece while babysitting and it spawned this conversation between her, me and her mother (my cousin, yes i know my niece is really my cousin. But she calls me Aunt Kimmie!)

Niece: Hey, what would happen if you made sushi out of a mermaid?
Her mom: That's canibalism.
Niece: What about the tail? Would it taste like tuna? Would it be good sushi?
Me: Umm... yeah. Yeah it would, and it'd be okay sushi if it were fresh I guess. (I didn't wanna admit I didn't know the answer.)
Niece: Yum. Mommy, what would happen if you ate a mermaid's tail?
Her mom: Ask Kimmie, she probably knows.
Niece: Aunt Kimmie! What would happen if you ate Ariel's tail?
Me: You'd live forever.
Her mom: What? Seriously?
Me: yeah, i saw it in an anime.
Her mom: You have issues.
Niece: I'd eat her fried though.

Strangely, my cousin still lets me babysit her kids.

That's actually funny though!  Then again, with the questions her daughter is asking, I'm not sure it's a bad idea you babysit.  Imagine what someone more uptight would think if a little girl was asking her about eating fictional characters?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 03, 2011, 04:14:35 PM
<pedant> it wouldn't be cannibalism. Different species. </pedant>
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: lady_disdain on September 03, 2011, 04:36:04 PM
<pedant> it wouldn't be cannibalism. Different species. </pedant>

Doesn't Ariel and the prince have a child? That makes it quite likely that they are either the same species or very close. As far as the movies tell us, the witch's spell was only a cosmetic procedure, not a species altering one.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RingTailedLemur on September 03, 2011, 04:39:52 PM
<pedant> it wouldn't be cannibalism. Different species. </pedant>

Doesn't Ariel and the prince have a child? That makes it quite likely that they are either the same species or very close. As far as the movies tell us, the witch's spell was only a cosmetic procedure, not a species altering one.

But in Disney, Ariel was turned into a human at the end by Triton - *that* could have been a species-changing spell.

I can't believe we are talking about this - DH just gave me the oddest look when I asked his opinion on Little Mermaid sushi/cannibalism!   ;D  FTR he said, "No, she's not human".
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Kimblee on September 03, 2011, 10:09:20 PM
<pedant> it wouldn't be cannibalism. Different species. </pedant>

Doesn't Ariel and the prince have a child? That makes it quite likely that they are either the same species or very close. As far as the movies tell us, the witch's spell was only a cosmetic procedure, not a species altering one.

But in Disney, Ariel was turned into a human at the end by Triton - *that* could have been a species-changing spell.

I can't believe we are talking about this - DH just gave me the oddest look when I asked his opinion on Little Mermaid sushi/cannibalism!   ;D  FTR he said, "No, she's not human".

Ask him if she would taste like tuna.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on September 04, 2011, 12:34:30 AM
<pedant> it wouldn't be cannibalism. Different species. </pedant>

Doesn't Ariel and the prince have a child? That makes it quite likely that they are either the same species or very close. As far as the movies tell us, the witch's spell was only a cosmetic procedure, not a species altering one.

But in Disney, Ariel was turned into a human at the end by Triton - *that* could have been a species-changing spell.

I can't believe we are talking about this - DH just gave me the oddest look when I asked his opinion on Little Mermaid sushi/cannibalism!   ;D  FTR he said, "No, she's not human".

Ask him if she would taste like tuna.

I asked my DH about this. His answer was "That's just wierd."
I'll put him down as "undecided"... ::)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 04, 2011, 01:50:48 AM
<pedant> it wouldn't be cannibalism. Different species. </pedant>

Doesn't Ariel and the prince have a child? That makes it quite likely that they are either the same species or very close. As far as the movies tell us, the witch's spell was only a cosmetic procedure, not a species altering one.

But in Disney, Ariel was turned into a human at the end by Triton - *that* could have been a species-changing spell.

I can't believe we are talking about this - DH just gave me the oddest look when I asked his opinion on Little Mermaid sushi/cannibalism!   ;D  FTR he said, "No, she's not human".

Ask him if she would taste like tuna.

I asked my DH about this. His answer was "That's just wierd."
I'll put him down as "undecided"... ::)

I asked Dark Boyfriend; his comment, though I definitely laughed at it because it was just the type of thing I find funny, is  not E-Hell approved.  I can allude to it, but this is not the gross out thread, and while I do not think it is that gross, it definitely is inappropriate.

That being said, he did say that she is a different species.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on September 04, 2011, 03:03:28 AM
Oh man, you guys are killing me.  I even have a story for you that I just heard last night.  I was not involved.

My friend M and i were talking about things that are hard to say, stuff like, "I love you" "I'm sorry" and so on...it actually started out serious.  Then I said, "It's also hard to say, (I apologise if this is an offensive comment.  I was in an...altered state...last night) JESUS BALLS, YOUR HAIR IS ON FIRE!!".  I do not know what made me say that...just that at the time I thought it was funny.

She replied, "It IS hard to say that, when you're laughing so hard you can barely talk!" 

Apparently when M's sister turned 16, she wanted to have her Sweet Sixteen party at a local community hall, where there were other people in addition to her party guests.  When she leaned over to blow out her birthday candles, complete with the song "Sixteen Candles" playing in the background, the candle flames caught her bangs and thanks to it being the 80s, when everyone used ozone-depleting amounts of hair spray, her bangs went up like a pile of dry leaves.  Everyone rushed to her, in a hurry to help by, as M put it, "Slappin her head."

I was on the phone, in bed, by myself, laughing like a complete loon.  Just the visual, seriously I laughed harder than I have in months, and for some reason thinking about how embarrassed she must have been...a sixteen year old suffering such a massively humiliating thing...just made it that much funnier.

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Seraphia on September 04, 2011, 08:23:08 AM
Actually, I had a DeviantArt profile for several years, with the sig quote:

"If a mermaid goes through a boat propeller, is that sushi?"

I guess I'm warped a bit too.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Miss Vertigo on September 04, 2011, 08:35:59 AM
Fun with typos: "Prepare a Declaration for (attorney) to sing regarding . . . ."

Must not ask in which key the designated attorney will sing. Must not.

Commas save lives, you know.

"Do you want to eat, John?"

OR

"Do you want to eat John?"


I've always liked, "I help my uncle, Jack, off a horse."  Remove the commas for a whole new sentence!!!!

tea --> screen

Next time I get a web editing contract in a government department, I'm going to try to work that into the style guide as an example of good comma use and see if anyone notices  ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 04, 2011, 12:06:00 PM
Fun with typos: "Prepare a Declaration for (attorney) to sing regarding . . . ."

Must not ask in which key the designated attorney will sing. Must not.

Commas save lives, you know.

"Do you want to eat, John?"

OR

"Do you want to eat John?"


I've always liked, "I help my uncle, Jack, off a horse."  Remove the commas for a whole new sentence!!!!

tea --> screen

Next time I get a web editing contract in a government department, I'm going to try to work that into the style guide as an example of good comma use and see if anyone notices  ;D

You have to promise to tell us all about it!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: White Dragon on September 04, 2011, 01:47:11 PM
<pedant> it wouldn't be cannibalism. Different species. </pedant>

Doesn't Ariel and the prince have a child? That makes it quite likely that they are either the same species or very close. As far as the movies tell us, the witch's spell was only a cosmetic procedure, not a species altering one.

But in Disney, Ariel was turned into a human at the end by Triton - *that* could have been a species-changing spell.

I can't believe we are talking about this - DH just gave me the oddest look when I asked his opinion on Little Mermaid sushi/cannibalism!   ;D  FTR he said, "No, she's not human".

Ask him if she would taste like tuna.

I asked my DH about this. His answer was "That's just wierd."
I'll put him down as "undecided"... ::)

I asked Dark Boyfriend; his comment, though I definitely laughed at it because it was just the type of thing I find funny, is  not E-Hell approved.  I can allude to it, but this is not the gross out thread, and while I do not think it is that gross, it definitely is inappropriate.

That being said, he did say that she is a different species.

DD2 overheard me bringing DH up to date on this subject.
I heard "Whaaaat?' all the way from the living room.

Her point - and I think it's a good one - is that it's cannabilism because Ariel is sentient. To her way of thinking, consuming any other sentient species constitutes cannibalism.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: VorFemme on September 04, 2011, 05:11:41 PM
<pedant> it wouldn't be cannibalism. Different species. </pedant>

Doesn't Ariel and the prince have a child? That makes it quite likely that they are either the same species or very close. As far as the movies tell us, the witch's spell was only a cosmetic procedure, not a species altering one.

But in Disney, Ariel was turned into a human at the end by Triton - *that* could have been a species-changing spell.

I can't believe we are talking about this - DH just gave me the oddest look when I asked his opinion on Little Mermaid sushi/cannibalism!   ;D  FTR he said, "No, she's not human".

Ask him if she would taste like tuna.

I asked my DH about this. His answer was "That's just wierd."
I'll put him down as "undecided"... ::)

I asked Dark Boyfriend; his comment, though I definitely laughed at it because it was just the type of thing I find funny, is  not E-Hell approved.  I can allude to it, but this is not the gross out thread, and while I do not think it is that gross, it definitely is inappropriate.

That being said, he did say that she is a different species.

DD2 overheard me bringing DH up to date on this subject.
I heard "Whaaaat?' all the way from the living room.

Her point - and I think it's a good one - is that it's cannabilism because Ariel is sentient. To her way of thinking, consuming any other sentient species constitutes cannibalism.

I read enough science fiction (first "taste" was Heinlein's Have Space Suit, Will Travel in fifth grade in Turkey, Texas) that I tend to agree with her.  Eating anything sentient is just WRONG (although there was the one race of intelligent "lobsters" that spawned HUGE numbers of offspring - they didn't become sentient until after the first couple of molts................due to concerns about over-population (and how many offspring a group of parents could reasonable raise from onset of sentience to adult hood) they sold the pre-sentient excess as a delicacy and shipped them off planet, frozen, as a delicacy (freezing helped insure that the shipping containers did not contain live offspring that might become sentient in the kitchen).  And they were very glad to find that aliens LIKED the taste as they had gotten heartily sick of it over the generations............letting the rest of the galaxy help meant that the adults didn't more or less live on the culls..................
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RingTailedLemur on September 05, 2011, 03:30:45 AM
Reminds me of Futurama:

"Who wants dolphin?"

"Dolphin?  But dolphins are intelligent!"

"Not this one.  He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets."

"Oh, okay.  Pass the blowhole."
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on September 05, 2011, 04:07:24 AM
It reminded me of Futurama too...but specifically, the Popplers.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: NutMeg on September 06, 2011, 02:38:31 AM

DD2 overheard me bringing DH up to date on this subject.
I heard "Whaaaat?' all the way from the living room.

Her point - and I think it's a good one - is that it's cannabilism because Ariel is sentient. To her way of thinking, consuming any other sentient species constitutes cannibalism.

I beg to differ. Cannibalism has nothing to do with sentience. If an ant eats another ant, that is cannibalism. No sentience required. She has a good point in the sense that we should not eat other sentient beings, but alas, that is not the definition of cannibalism.

As for the debate at hand, I'm going to say that mermaid sushi would not be cannibalism. Not even going to tough the debate on what it would taste like. SO is disturbed enough by the questions that he refuses to offer an opinion.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Fliss on September 06, 2011, 03:33:34 AM

Partner is replenishing the chicken food at the end of the day. He steps back and stumbles over chicken, spilling food. Chickens go into a bucking, clucking scrum around his prone body trying to get to the food.

When you look up at the loud "get off!" and several squarks, it is not advisable to laugh so hard you have to sit down at a tableu that looks seriously like a flock of chickens who've got your partner down and are now trying to kick him to death. The two standing on his chest and pecking industriously at his beard seemed very determined.

Really, the whole scene was beyond amusing at the time. Partner has stalked off for a shower and fresh clothes and is muttering about roast dinner next week. The chickens look worriedly satisfied.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: eclecticgrrl on September 06, 2011, 09:43:12 AM

DD2 overheard me bringing DH up to date on this subject.
I heard "Whaaaat?' all the way from the living room.

Her point - and I think it's a good one - is that it's cannabilism because Ariel is sentient. To her way of thinking, consuming any other sentient species constitutes cannibalism.

I beg to differ. Cannibalism has nothing to do with sentience. If an ant eats another ant, that is cannibalism. No sentience required. She has a good point in the sense that we should not eat other sentient beings, but alas, that is not the definition of cannibalism.

As for the debate at hand, I'm going to say that mermaid sushi would not be cannibalism. Not even going to tough the debate on what it would taste like. SO is disturbed enough by the questions that he refuses to offer an opinion.

*I* think you guys are missing a pertinent point in the cannibalism discussion.  No one has precisely defined who is eating the sushi.  Because, you know - bad idea (and probably bad karma) to eat another sentient being, but not cannibalism because I'm going to have to come down firmly in the "merpeople aren't us" camp.

However, if Ariel's sisters are eating tail (please excuse me - couldn't resist), then we have cannibalism.  Even if they're eating the fish half.  Because it's still FROM mermaid and therefore the same species.

Since no one has asked Kimblee if she's a merperson (or, more relevantly, if her niece is a merperson), there isn't really a good answer as to whether cannibalism is involved or not.

Unless Kimblee has made it clear that she's not mer.  Then I apologize.   ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on September 06, 2011, 09:57:03 AM
No, it's not cannibalism, but it is Vore.  Which is worse.  Much, much worse.

::Shudder::
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on September 06, 2011, 10:00:21 AM
I don' think I can possibly describe how much I'm enjoying this mermaid cannibalism debate.  I'm a bit torn on it, myself.  Does cannibalism have to be the exact same species?  Would it be cannibalism for a red ant to eat a black ant?  What about snakes that eat other species of snake?  And are humans and mermaids as genetically close as corn snakes and king snakes?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Twik on September 06, 2011, 10:03:33 AM
A red-tailed hawk flies into an open window in a ritzy apartment building http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/22/redtailed-hawk-flies-into_n_932831.html?ncid=txtlnkushuff00000003 (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/22/redtailed-hawk-flies-into_n_932831.html?ncid=txtlnkushuff00000003). Hilarity ensues.

The bit that made me laugh most was the police trying to entice it out with bread crumbs. What part of "predator" did they not get?

Unless they were planning to entice sparrows with the crumbs, and *they* would entice the hawk.

Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 06, 2011, 10:06:54 AM
Like the time a Tim Horton's in a small town was having trouble with bears.  The MNR set up a bear trap, baited with meat.  And couldn't catch the bear.  One of the Timmy's employees suggested that, 'Duh, why don't you bait it with day-olds?'  Caught the bear that night.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on September 06, 2011, 10:09:30 AM
I don' think I can possibly describe how much I'm enjoying this mermaid cannibalism debate.  I'm a bit torn on it, myself.  Does cannibalism have to be the exact same species?  Would it be cannibalism for a red ant to eat a black ant?  What about snakes that eat other species of snake?  And are humans and mermaids as genetically close as corn snakes and king snakes?

This is a good point.  If two species can successfully mate and produce offspring, I'd have to say that would count as cannibalism.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on September 06, 2011, 10:12:41 AM
Did anyone else get a mental picture of a bunch of surly bears complaining that the coffee is cold and they're out of their favorite muffins?
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 06, 2011, 10:14:23 AM
Did anyone else get a mental picture of a bunch of surly bears complaining that the coffee is cold and they're out of their favorite muffins?

I am now!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on September 06, 2011, 10:18:01 AM
I... may be missing a reference.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Outdoor Girl on September 06, 2011, 10:19:10 AM
I... may be missing a reference.

Last post on the previous page...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on September 06, 2011, 10:19:51 AM
I don' think I can possibly describe how much I'm enjoying this mermaid cannibalism debate.  I'm a bit torn on it, myself.  Does cannibalism have to be the exact same species?  Would it be cannibalism for a red ant to eat a black ant?  What about snakes that eat other species of snake?  And are humans and mermaids as genetically close as corn snakes and king snakes?

This is a good point.  If two species can successfully mate and produce offspring, I'd have to say that would count as cannibalism.

IF that's the case, I'd have to vote for not cannibalism.  Since a merperson's reproductive half is fishy, I'd assume they wouldn't be sexually compatible with humans.  Ariel is a special case, since Triton turned her into a human, and we don't know if they successfully reproduced, anyway.  There's a possibility that merpeople and humans might be able to hybridize through some sort of invitro fertilization, but until we can test that, I'm not counting on it.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on September 06, 2011, 10:26:16 AM
I... may be missing a reference.

Last post on the previous page...

Well that's odd.  I could swear that wasn't there when I posted, and usually a new reply with be announced when you try to reply.  Huh.  Thanks for the heads-up though!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Black Delphinium on September 06, 2011, 10:34:45 AM
I don' think I can possibly describe how much I'm enjoying this mermaid cannibalism debate.  I'm a bit torn on it, myself.  Does cannibalism have to be the exact same species?  Would it be cannibalism for a red ant to eat a black ant?  What about snakes that eat other species of snake?  And are humans and mermaids as genetically close as corn snakes and king snakes?

This is a good point.  If two species can successfully mate and produce offspring, I'd have to say that would count as cannibalism.

IF that's the case, I'd have to vote for not cannibalism.  Since a merperson's reproductive half is fishy, I'd assume they wouldn't be sexually compatible with humans.  Ariel is a special case, since Triton turned her into a human, and we don't know if they successfully reproduced, anyway.  There's a possibility that merpeople and humans might be able to hybridize through some sort of invitro fertilization, but until we can test that, I'm not counting on it.
Yes we do, they made that sequel-The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea. I've never seen it, but Wikipedia says it's about Ariel and Eric's daughter Melody.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on September 06, 2011, 10:39:33 AM
Ah, I forgot there was a sequel.  Either way, her being changed into a human would make her scientifically irrelevant to this particular question, I should think.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RainhaDoTexugo on September 06, 2011, 10:41:18 AM
I... may be missing a reference.

Last post on the previous page...

Well that's odd.  I could swear that wasn't there when I posted, and usually a new reply with be announced when you try to reply.  Huh.  Thanks for the heads-up though!

It happens sometimes.  I'm never sure if it's a forum error or mine :)
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 06, 2011, 02:41:25 PM

Partner is replenishing the chicken food at the end of the day. He steps back and stumbles over chicken, spilling food. Chickens go into a bucking, clucking scrum around his prone body trying to get to the food.

When you look up at the loud "get off!" and several squarks, it is not advisable to laugh so hard you have to sit down at a tableu that looks seriously like a flock of chickens who've got your partner down and are now trying to kick him to death. The two standing on his chest and pecking industriously at his beard seemed very determined.

Really, the whole scene was beyond amusing at the time. Partner has stalked off for a shower and fresh clothes and is muttering about roast dinner next week. The chickens look worriedly satisfied.

Your comment about "like a flock of chickens who've got your partner down and are now trying to kick him to death" made me actually laugh out loud.  I just imagined some of them with brass knuckles on their wings, with dark thick mustaches, gold chains around their necks...thank you for the visual!
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RingTailedLemur on September 07, 2011, 10:08:55 AM
Some people eat the placenta after giving birth - is that cannibalism?  I suppose it is, but it's "different" because the placenta would be willing given and doesn't involve death...  I find the idea a bit unpalatable though.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 07, 2011, 10:19:28 AM
Some people eat the placenta after giving birth - is that cannibalism?  I suppose it is, but it's "different" because the placenta would be willing given and doesn't involve death...  I find the idea a bit unpalatable though.

No; if it was, eating boogers would be cannibalism, too.  A placenta is the product of a body, not a body.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: gramma dishes on September 07, 2011, 10:26:20 AM
Some people eat the placenta after giving birth - is that cannibalism?  I suppose it is, but it's "different" because the placenta would be willing given and doesn't involve death...  I find the idea a bit unpalatable though.

No; if it was, eating boogers would be cannibalism, too.  A placenta is the product of a body, not a body.

LOL!   But which is the greater etiquette faux pas?  Eating placenta or eating boogers?   ;D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: RingTailedLemur on September 07, 2011, 10:32:07 AM
Some people eat the placenta after giving birth - is that cannibalism?  I suppose it is, but it's "different" because the placenta would be willing given and doesn't involve death...  I find the idea a bit unpalatable though.

No; if it was, eating boogers would be cannibalism, too.  A placenta is the product of a body, not a body.

LOL!   But which is the greater etiquette faux pas?  Eating placenta or eating boogers?   ;D

Well I guess if you make sure your guests have enough, it's okay...

Sorry, this should probably be in gross-out...
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Elfmama on September 07, 2011, 10:37:58 AM
Some people eat the placenta after giving birth - is that cannibalism?  I suppose it is, but it's "different" because the placenta would be willing given and doesn't involve death...  I find the idea a bit unpalatable though.

No; if it was, eating boogers would be cannibalism, too.  A placenta is the product of a body, not a body.
So are muscles.  But if you slice a chunk off your neighbor's thigh and toss it on the BBQ grill, that IS cannibalism. ;D

The thought of eating placenta is (http://www3.telus.net/smile/images/cryrunaway.gif)  I watched my cats and dog eat them, and that was hard enough. 
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: gramma dishes on September 07, 2011, 10:44:24 AM
The thought of eating placenta is (http://www3.telus.net/smile/images/cryrunaway.gif)  I watched my cats and dog eat them, and that was hard enough.

How rude!  They didn't offer you any?  LOL!   :D
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on September 07, 2011, 10:46:32 AM
Some people eat the placenta after giving birth - is that cannibalism?  I suppose it is, but it's "different" because the placenta would be willing given and doesn't involve death...  I find the idea a bit unpalatable though.

No; if it was, eating boogers would be cannibalism, too.  A placenta is the product of a body, not a body.
So are muscles.  But if you slice a chunk off your neighbor's thigh and toss it on the BBQ grill, that IS cannibalism. ;D

The thought of eating placenta is (http://www3.telus.net/smile/images/cryrunaway.gif)  I watched my cats and dog eat them, and that was hard enough.

Muscles aren't a product, they're a part.  Now when people say "eat [REDACTED] and die", that's a product, and thus not cannibalism.
Title: Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
Post by: Ms_Cellany on September 07, 2011, 12:15:46 PM