Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => "Why would I want to do that?" => Topic started by: nuit93 on July 05, 2010, 06:39:29 PM

Title: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: nuit93 on July 05, 2010, 06:39:29 PM
I don't know when it became fashionable to do so, but it seems like every time I open my Livejournal or Facebook friends list there is a woe-is-me post about money troubles and phone calls from creditors.  Not for emergency situations, but for everyday bills.  Now, maybe something's changed since I was young, but I grew up not talking publicly about things like money.

I get what folks are going through, I really do.  The economy is rather smelly right now.  I've been in that situation before.  But when those same people are talking about the restaurants and movies they're going to or the new books/CD's they're buying, I typically just roll my eyes and skip reading the rest of the entry.  We have our own problems (medications, dental work needed, car repairs coming up), but we don't whine about them-we just live in a way that allows us to easily deal with them.

My partner and I don't own a home, we have a cheap (to us, on purpose, housing is too expensive here) apartment.  We drive used cars and don't frequently go to restaurants.  This allows us to keep money in savings, and also do an occasional major splurge once or twice a year.  Our last one was Cirque du Soleil (and not even the super-spendy seats).  So when people find out we did this super-expensive-cool-thing, I get lots of comments like "lucky!  I wish WE could do that!".

How in the world do I respond politely to this?  I mean, the response I want to give is "it's called living within your means, try it sometime", but what comes out of my mouth is typically more along the lines of "yes, it was fun, have you tried the punch?"
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Venus193 on July 05, 2010, 06:59:27 PM
That is probably the best response.

There are a couple of people in my life like that.  One in particular goes out for wings and for takeout, continues to spend money on fragrance and jewelry when she has lots of both, and then complains about the possibility of getting her electricity shut off.  When I was at risk of eviction she said "Well, at least you have money to pay a lawyer."

This is someone who is so financially immature she is incapable of understanding that one has to earn enough to not end up going through one's entire savings just to get basic stuff paid for.  I'm waiting for her to crash and burn.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: KenveeB on July 05, 2010, 07:03:30 PM
There are a couple of people in my life like that.  One in particular goes out for wings and for takeout, continues to spend money on fragrance and jewelry when she has lots of both, and then complains about the possibility of getting her electricity shut off.  When I was at risk of eviction she said "Well, at least you have money to pay a lawyer."

Ugh, I have a friend just like that.  I carefully limit my time around her because she makes me want to tear my hair out!!  Why don't people understand that they can't pay their bills because they kept dropping money on all those random things?

When I get these kind of comments, I say something like "Yeah, it was murder budgeting for that, but it was worth it!" or "Yeah, totally worth the ramen for a month" or something that shows it IS something I budget for and not just throw money around on.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: FoxPaws on July 05, 2010, 07:22:39 PM
You could say, "Yeah, it's totally worth skipping the little luxuries so we can splurge on the big ones!" Otherwise, your answer is fine.

They aren't asking for financial advice. They're commenting on the cost because money is an issue for them, so that's the aspect they relate to. If they felt their big hold up in life was a too full schedule, their comments would be about how they wished they had the time to spend an evening at the circus. If they are unhappily single, they'd whine about not having anyone to go to the circus with. For a lot of people, it's just easier to comment in the negative - they probably aren't even aware that they're doing it. :-\

My other favorite respose to, "Must be nice..." type comments is, "Yes, it is."  8)
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: AprilRenee on July 05, 2010, 07:28:26 PM
When friends tell me of some wonderful thing they bought, or a trip they went on, I DO respond "oooh lucky!" or "wow that must have been nice!" but it's not sour grapes and I'm not insinuating that they must be rich,=. I AM happy for them, I really DO think it must have been nice. I do my share of fun things, and while sometimes mine were more cost friendly (day trip rather than week trip out of country or something) I don't feel as though it's not fair. So sometimes they really might not be making a snarky remark. Tone is everything, I suppose.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: MadMadge43 on July 05, 2010, 07:35:30 PM
Don't even get me started on this subject. Nothing is more annoying than people who can't put two and two together.

I find they're usually the same type of people who are shoving Doritos in their mouths while lamenting on how lucky I am that I'm so skinny. Never noticing that I don't eat snacks and work out.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: FoxPaws on July 05, 2010, 09:06:47 PM
She's asked me a few times why we don't run out and get a new luxury car because we can "obviously" afford it. I'd rather have the money in the bank than in the garage.
I hope this is exactly what you told her.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Kimblee on July 05, 2010, 09:11:22 PM
You could say, "Yeah, it's totally worth skipping the little luxuries so we can splurge on the big ones!" Otherwise, your answer is fine.

They aren't asking for financial advice. They're commenting on the cost because money is an issue for them, so that's the aspect they relate to. If they felt their big hold up in life was a too full schedule, their comments would be about how they wished they had the time to spend an evening at the circus. If they are unhappily single, they'd whine about not having anyone to go to the circus with. For a lot of people, it's just easier to comment in the negative - they probably aren't even aware that they're doing it. :-\

My other favorite respose to, "Must be nice..." type comments is, "Yes, it is."  8)

And there's folks like me, who hear about your fun time, express good natured but very real envy ("Oh wow, that sounds like so much fun, it must've been really nice!") in the hopes that you will tell me every. last. detail.

I don't snipe or sniff, and I only add the whole "I wish I could do that" if I want to be told how (Where to get tickets, how you got your great deal if you mentioned it, the logistics of managing it.)

But after reading this, I suddenly feel really self concious about it. i think I'll just stop talking to people. (Not being snarky or anything) I keep thinking I've learned social skills just to discover I didn't after all.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: FoxPaws on July 05, 2010, 09:36:24 PM
And there's folks like me, who hear about your fun time, express good natured but very real envy ("Oh wow, that sounds like so much fun, it must've been really nice!") in the hopes that you will tell me every. last. detail.
See, if you said it to me like this, I would happily give you every last detail.  :) 

What is irksome is when people say, "must be nice," in a tone that suggests a) the bearer of the good news didn't really earn/work for/deserve it, but just got inexplicably lucky, and/or b) the person saying it really isn't happy for them - just jealous.

It's frustrating to have good news and be hesitant to share it because you know 90% of the feedback you are going to get is going to be jealous, or negative, or some PA form of a putdown. Responses like yours are a welcome change.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: goldilocks on July 06, 2010, 07:56:44 AM
I get this from my mother a lot.  She doesn't manage her money at all.  So if I mention anything ( vacation, new sofa, etc), I get a very snide "WELL, it MUST be nice!".

So I basically don't tell her anything at all that involves spending money.   
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Kasia_Kiwi on July 06, 2010, 08:18:50 AM
Your responce works just fine. There is really nothing more you could say.

I friends on both sides of the spectrum so I tend to just divert all bemoning or bragging comments on both sides. We're all students so I feel we should be learning to live within our means (considering the massive student loan debt some of them will be in if things continue) but I cannot force them.

PS. I splurged on Cirque du Soleil too this summer. It was worth it and now back to regularily scheduled savings. I hope you enjoyed the show!
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Kimblee on July 06, 2010, 10:08:05 AM
And there's folks like me, who hear about your fun time, express good natured but very real envy ("Oh wow, that sounds like so much fun, it must've been really nice!") in the hopes that you will tell me every. last. detail.
See, if you said it to me like this, I would happily give you every last detail.  :) 

What is irksome is when people say, "must be nice," in a tone that suggests a) the bearer of the good news didn't really earn/work for/deserve it, but just got inexplicably lucky, and/or b) the person saying it really isn't happy for them - just jealous.

It's frustrating to have good news and be hesitant to share it because you know 90% of the feedback you are going to get is going to be jealous, or negative, or some PA form of a putdown. Responses like yours are a welcome change.

I rarely get to do fun expensive things, so I do fun inexpensive things instead and live vicariously through people who do the stuff I can't. :) I may envy them a bit, but I am genuinely happy when someone I care about gets something nice or fun, ESPECIALLY if I know they worked towards it.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: seeley on July 06, 2010, 10:15:21 AM
I have very close family members who are almost exactly like the people described in the OP. I find them more deserving of my pity than my contempt.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: jayhawk on July 07, 2010, 08:36:31 AM
Sorry to hijack - but just want to offer that the frugalistas here might enjoy the messageboards at www.simplelivng.net (not .com!)

Jayhawk
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: SkylerY on July 07, 2010, 08:50:18 AM
My brother used to make smart aleck remarks about me becoming a stay-at-home mom.  Most recently, I had posted about taking the kids to the park.  He commented about how it must be nice to have a husband making so much so that I don't have to work at all, staying home and hanging out at the park.  I replied back that he was more than welcomed on his next visit to take all three kids to the park by himself and see how much lark and fun that truly is.  He shut up after that.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Sirius on August 19, 2010, 02:23:22 PM
She's asked me a few times why we don't run out and get a new luxury car because we can "obviously" afford it. I'd rather have the money in the bank than in the garage.
I hope this is exactly what you told her.

Yes indeed. Anything my sister does financially - I notice that I am in Opposite Land.

Over the years, I've figured out the benefits of preventive maintenance. It works on EVERYTHING. Taking good care of 'things' and keeping them in good shape is essential if you want to get your investment out of them. This goes from houses to cars to coffee machines.

She apparently doesn't do this -



POD BIG TIME, Zoltar.  Mr. Sirius and I are both still driving the same cars we had when we got married in 1998.  Mine is a 95, his is a 96.  That's part of why I learned to do some of the basics on a car myself - it doesn't strain my femininity to check my oil or add wiper fluid, and keeping track of your car's oil and checking on the fluid in the radiator are easy, cheap things to do to keep a car running. 

I could go on and on about this subject, but I'll stop here.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Clara Bow on September 06, 2010, 04:07:31 PM
See, I've said "must be nice" or a derivation of it but I meant it as in "WOW!! That is COOL! Tell me all about it!" I don't nose into finances...who cares if you're rich, poor or with me in the middle? I hope that doesn't come off rude, but I like to hear about folks' good times...who knows, I might end up going where they went if it sounds fun!

My mother likes to remind me not to spend all my money every time I tell her I've splurged. Gee Mom, you mean I have to pay bills? Like I have been for about sixteen years now? DANG. Who knew?
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Wonderflonium on September 10, 2010, 03:08:54 PM
I recently spent a lot of money to save my cat's life. (Totally worth it; my baby is healthy and happy again.) I wanted to scream. The reason I had the money to pay for her was because I spent what I'd been saving for a laptop and furniture on her health care. I do not have a money tree in the backyard. I just hate that people don't seem to get that it's about choices.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Venus193 on September 10, 2010, 03:28:56 PM
I recently spent a lot of money to save my cat's life. (Totally worth it; my baby is healthy and happy again.) I wanted to scream. The reason I had the money to pay for her was because I spent what I'd been saving for a laptop and furniture on her health care. I do not have a money tree in the backyard. I just hate that people don't seem to get that it's about choices.

I totally get it.  I spent a lot to save Tiger 4 years ago.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: BuffaloFang on September 10, 2010, 03:58:10 PM
An ex-coworker of mine used to give me this all the time.

My DH and I don't spend much on clothes.  We've only recently stopped buying only store-brand food.  I rarely drive so we can save on gas.  I rarely eat out, don't have a coffee habit, and just generally am cheap about everything.

Except vacations.  We both try to get out of the country at least once a year, sometimes twice if my DH has mileage/hotel points built up.  After a few vacations, my coworker, who had designer clothing, refused to eat leftovers, etc., outright demanded, "How much do you make!  You have to make more than I do!  How else can you afford this!?" 

I just shrugged and said, "I doubt it.  I just don't have anythign else I want to spend my money on"
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Wonderflonium on September 10, 2010, 04:50:34 PM
An ex-coworker of mine used to give me this all the time.

My DH and I don't spend much on clothes.  We've only recently stopped buying only store-brand food.  I rarely drive so we can save on gas.  I rarely eat out, don't have a coffee habit, and just generally am cheap about everything.

Except vacations.  We both try to get out of the country at least once a year, sometimes twice if my DH has mileage/hotel points built up.  After a few vacations, my coworker, who had designer clothing, refused to eat leftovers, etc., outright demanded, "How much do you make!  You have to make more than I do!  How else can you afford this!?" 

I just shrugged and said, "I doubt it.  I just don't have anythign else I want to spend my money on"

That's awesome! I wish I could do that, but I don't have anyone to travel with me and I don't like going to foreign countries alone.

I can't believe she said that to you... well, no, the sad part is that I'm actually not surprised. I just wish I were.  :-\
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: delphinium on September 16, 2010, 07:20:44 PM
When DH and I moved and bought some new furniture, my sister said, "When did you get rich?"  Luckily, she said it in front of DH who is NEVER at a loss for words who said, "Well, we didn't go to Florida for 3 months in the winter and don't belong to a country club."  That shut her up...lol
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Elfmama on September 16, 2010, 08:53:33 PM
My brother's wife is from a third-world country.  In spite of all evidence to the contrary over the last 30 years, she believes that all Americans are rich.  She spends Brother's Navy pension like it was water, and when it runs out in the middle of the month, she goes whining to our parents.  Who, of course, are rich because they are Americans. ::)

$200 sneakers are 'better' than $20 sneakers, simply because they cost 10x more.  (Never mind that they wear out at the same rate...)  This goes down the line with everything.  If you get a widget on sale, you got a good deal, even though you may have three perfectly serviceable widgets at home already.  But the new widget is 'better' because it is new.

Because ALL Americans are rich, and this is how rich people spend money.   :P
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: araigne on September 24, 2010, 11:06:04 PM
There's "rich" and then there's "wealthy". You can be wealthy with or without money. It's all about attitude and priorities. Read "The Millionaire Next Door" and/or "The Millionaire Mind", both very interesting and eye-opening.

I was taught that it's very rude to discuss someone else's financial situation.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: toontownnutter on October 15, 2010, 08:30:40 AM
I'd just say "I've been saving for ages"

WPMO is people who tell me I'm "lucky" to have been able to buy a house. I didn't feel real "lucky" when I went without a hair cut for two years while saving up to by said house.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Nora on October 15, 2010, 10:41:54 AM
I'd just say "I've been saving for ages"

WPMO is people who tell me I'm "lucky" to have been able to buy a house. I didn't feel real "lucky" when I went without a hair cut for two years while saving up to by said house.

The same way we don't feel "lucky" we can take a trip on our anniversary, because we don't have a big tv (one my parents gave us, and has really bad sound, but works), won't be buying ourselves big gifts for christmas, spend very little on clothes, cut our own hair, make most dinners from scratch and with cheap ingredients (healty, but not always what you feel like having for dinner...) etc etc.

Not lucky, just good at prioritizing!
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: KenveeB on October 15, 2010, 12:31:06 PM
I'd just say "I've been saving for ages"

WPMO is people who tell me I'm "lucky" to have been able to buy a house. I didn't feel real "lucky" when I went without a hair cut for two years while saving up to by said house.

The same way we don't feel "lucky" we can take a trip on our anniversary, because we don't have a big tv (one my parents gave us, and has really bad sound, but works), won't be buying ourselves big gifts for christmas, spend very little on clothes, cut our own hair, make most dinners from scratch and with cheap ingredients (healty, but not always what you feel like having for dinner...) etc etc.

Not lucky, just good at prioritizing!

I like that phrase!  I usually use the similar "Not lucky, just good at budgeting."
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: boxy on October 31, 2010, 09:43:16 PM
I thought I was alone! 

My SO and I are very careful with our money.  We live in a house we can afford, don't buy lavish gifts, drive smaller and older cars, have usable wardrobes (i.e., no clothes that we don't wear), and only eat out once a week.  This commitment to having less allows me to not work full time and still gives us enough money to do a nice vacation every year.  Sometimes we go on a cruise, sometimes we fly somewhere and just spend a week together. 

We have one set of former friends who blow through money like it grows on trees.  I've NEVER seen anyone spend money like they do.  They'd ask, "well where'd you go this time?!?" in that nasty tone and I'd find myself wanting to talk about anything other than our vacation.   What's crazy is even when travel we are still very careful with how we do it, choosing cruises (bang for your buck) or staying in hotels with kitchens so we don't eat out, etc.  We always travel off-season which also lowers the overall cost dramatically.  When speaking with these former friends I would find myself doing just what I've written above, talking about how careful we are with money.  I hated that they assumed we were rolling in the dough.  It was just that we planned and stayed true to our budget.

We ended up deliberately drifting away from these people because of money issues and their constant dogging on us because they assumed we were well off. 

While I miss the good times (and there were) the constant money talk just wore me down.  It's a lot less stressful not hanging out with those guys.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: KittyBass on October 31, 2010, 10:09:35 PM
I heard this one tonight for the umpteenth time..

DH and I were struggling financially for about 2 years, but work picked up and we moved to an apartment where the rent was about 1/3 less than the previous apartment. We find ourselves being able to afford small luxuries we didn't have, such as going out for a meal once or twice a month and so forth. DH got it in his head he really really really wanted an iPhone. One of the local providers was doing a special offer on them if you signed up for an 18 month contract. He got his beloved iPhone..then he felt guilty that he spoiled himself and went and bought me a Samsung Omnia II. DH will take the phone out of his pocket when he sits. Waiters and waitresses will come up and and say 'Ooo, is that an iPhone? Wish I had that kind of money'. DH works hard, he doesn't have a glamorous great paying job, it's just that we save and save. Even his friends say things like 'Oh they must be paying you too much money'. Tonight it happened again, we ran into 2 of DH's friends and they saw both our phones and one said 'oooh, must be nice to have money to throw around.' Yes it's said in jest but it makes me squirm. I didn't even ask for a darn phone, I hardly go out, LOL.

 DH and I went out for a meal tonight and he went to the toilet. He left his phone with me and the waiter said 'Ohh, nice iPhone, those are expensive..' I had to say 'Oh not really, they were on offer about a month ago and he got a special price for signing up a new contract with the company' It's true..though but it's kind of embarrassing to be singled out like that. We're definitely not rich people, far from it. We hardly  buy anything unless it's a necessity so it's ok to splash out on a treat every now and again. What's all that hard work for if you can't enjoy it sometimes?
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: DragonKitty on November 15, 2010, 12:34:34 PM
Tonight it happened again, we ran into 2 of DH's friends and they saw both our phones and one said 'oooh, must be nice to have money to throw around.'

To this, I would reply in a slightly injured tone of voice, "We're not throwing money around, we scrimped and saved for months to be able to buy this!".

Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Iris on November 28, 2010, 02:54:27 PM
Quote
Quote from: KittyBass on October 31, 2010, 11:09:35 PM
Tonight it happened again, we ran into 2 of DH's friends and they saw both our phones and one said 'oooh, must be nice to have money to throw around.'

To this, I would reply in a slightly injured tone of voice, "We're not throwing money around, we scrimped and saved for months to be able to buy this!".

I wouldn't give them that much information. I think it is rude for them to say anything to you at all and you do not need to justify your spending patterns to them. If you feel as though you must say something I would say something like "Oh yes, DH is the best deal finder ever," then bean dip.

My DH and I saved and did without for many years (including moving to a remote area away from family and friends to save money for a while) to finally buy our own modest house back in our original region, which happens to have a pool. My MIL and FIL will come over for a swim and then say 'It must be nice to be rich' or 'I wonder what the poor people are doing?'. Instead of showing them our mortgage statement I just say 'yes, it must' or 'They're having a swim in their pool right now'.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Alboury on December 26, 2010, 12:34:43 PM
My brother's wife is from a third-world country.  In spite of all evidence to the contrary over the last 30 years, she believes that all Americans are rich.  She spends Brother's Navy pension like it was water, and when it runs out in the middle of the month, she goes whining to our parents.  Who, of course, are rich because they are Americans. ::)

$200 sneakers are 'better' than $20 sneakers, simply because they cost 10x more.  (Never mind that they wear out at the same rate...)  This goes down the line with everything.  If you get a widget on sale, you got a good deal, even though you may have three perfectly serviceable widgets at home already.  But the new widget is 'better' because it is new.

Because ALL Americans are rich, and this is how rich people spend money.   :P


POD. I have spotted the same pattern of thinking in West Africa. Here in Finland, I am a student and have to live a very, very low-profile life. Even though I make my do better than most of my student friends in humanities, I would not survive at all if I did not live in a cell flat with two strangers. The flat's owned by the local student apartment foundation, so internet, water and electricity are included in the rent. The main reason for me having the bucks for the occasional pint of imported beer (my deepest respect to the many breweries in Britain, the Eire and the U.S. - we only have two proper breweries here) is that I have such a small rent to pay. After all, that's the biggest single expenditure in a household.

But, in West Africa I am rich because I am white. Of course, the amount of money I use daily would support a West African family anywhere outside central Dakar for a week or two, but most people there don't seem to understand that things also cost much more in Europe. I once explained a friend of mine that he would have to put his wages aside for two weeks in order to buy a pack of the cheapest blue-collar tobacco in Finland, and he seemed to get it only after that. He was utterly shocked by that fact. Earlier, I tried to tell him that what I pay for a small bag of bread at home would feed him an his family for four days - his response was "of course, in Europe you have better bread". But when I took tobacco for the example, he stated in the blankest of tones I have ever heard that ordinary tobacco is the same everywhere (he knows it - he has been offered countless fags by European tourists) - so can it be that bread is no better in Europe? Yup, so it is. And he shook his head slowly, then nodded and said that "so an ordinary European has the same trouble with money that we have here, and only those of you are rich that can pay to get to TV".

Actually, I think that he got the point better than he understood himself. The examples of the rich Western lifestyle that common Africans get is the one provided in the trendy series in the telly. Naturally, they have little means to figure that the image is false, and that even common Westerners envy the lavish lifestyle of the trendy people in the trendy series. The tourists that appear to the hotels in the beach reservations near Dakar have gone there to spend their money, which helps keep up the belief that all whites are rich and educated. Again naturally, most Africans that somehow reach Western wealth will want to show off and adopt the trendy Western TV lifestyle instead of thinking with their own brain and putting the money to better use. And these people, on the other hand, are admired by fellow Africans, which results to - can anybody guess? In my opinion, this is the most vicious form of postcolonial development. Many people sacrifice their own culture before a mirage which they believe, falsely, to be "good Western life".  Another Senegalese friend of mine, who has worked in those beach reservations, has coined a term of his own to describe this. He once explained to me that he thinks I differ from the tourists there, because I am "not lazy and fat and moneyblind". I got interested of this expression "moneyblind", and he explained to me that it is what he calls the people who have so much money that they become lazy and tire easily and eventually start having difficulty in seeing and recognizing joy. That is a thought that I have often pondered since. Should more people understand his idea, many things might turn to a better direction.

However, there is also a certain point in charging the so-called "whiteness extra" throughout Africa. If one has afforded flying to another continent, one surely has the money to support the life of ordinary locals. I don't mean accepting being harshly fooled in every bargain, but simply keeping in mind that what's five cents for you could be two days' living for someone. I think that the sequences of believing that every white person is rich are much worse than the idea itself. After all, the latter is half true.



To return to the actual topic, which seems to be more of a personal than an intercontinental discourse, I have faced the problem of my student friends thinking I'm some sort of a miniature squire. All of them are completely broke by the 15th day of each month and I am not. Luckily, they all have realized, after a small conversation with a hint of algebra, that they lose most of their money in their own high demands on living - I am the only one of us who lives in a cell flat. And I don't even try to repeat the life of my parents; I don't do my things the way they do when I can find a cheaper alternative. Further on, I rarely buy clothes or furniture or actually anything else than food, tobacco and alcohol. And the trick of affording the latter two is heavy work through all the holidays. Of course, I count myself lucky for my father taking me to work since I was 12. I learned even the roughest of the physical work by my mid-teens and first managed a construction site when I was 17. For a three-week period only, of course - my father took a holiday and left me a list of what he wanted to be done by the time he was back. So, I do know the value of work. I still remember the cost of each of my guitars, and I remember what site I was working on when I bought them, and how many weeks it took to save the money. Roughly the same applies to most of my more precious property.

Another aspect of saving money that some people have difficulty to figure is that not all that's expensive is good, but all that's really good tends to be expensive. A good example of this would be my winter boots - they cost a crispy sum back when I bought them. They are not trendy - I do nothing with trendy clothes, I'm too functionally oriented - and there is actually nothing appealing about them. They are completely unadorned and would probably cause dysentery to any Italian fashion designer. I know a girl who buys new shoes of about the same price at least every other winter. Trendy shoes with the unpleasant tendency to wear up quickly, they are. And she has the nerve to call me a rich mustard every time I snicker at her moaning about the price of winter shoes! Oh how many times I have reminded her that I bought my trusty boots when I was sixteen. And I'm twenty-two now. And my boots have been in the heaviest of use (including several drunken 16 kilometer walks home, countless hikes on foot or on skis, and ordinary day use whenever it's cold outside), yet they show no signs of aging to this day. It's about taking care of your property. It's about investing in high quality instead of pretty look. It's always better to pay a crispy sum for something that lasts for years instead of having to pay small sums repeatedly. Some people just can't figure this and consider those who figure rich. Even if they simply are good in evaluating investments.

When I am being frowned upon for having a long-term vision about my pennies, I usually explain about accepting the slight inconveniences in my daily life - such as a flatmate with a rather African sense of time when it comes to washing his dishes - to occasionally allow myself some conveniences that I consider better than a solitary flat. If I am asked for sums, I tend to give an answer unclear enough to make it understood that I have culturally inherited a heavy distaste towards talking about my money. The way I use it, no problem, but the cash itself - bugger off. This really frustrates people in insurance companies and the like, but then let them curl up in their desperation. Us from the Savonia region are famous for not talking about money and never answering directly, and making other people just cope with that.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: blue2000 on December 26, 2010, 01:17:35 PM

<snip>

Another aspect of saving money that some people have difficulty to figure is that not all that's expensive is good, but all that's really good tends to be expensive. A good example of this would be my winter boots - they cost a crispy sum back when I bought them. They are not trendy - I do nothing with trendy clothes, I'm too functionally oriented - and there is actually nothing appealing about them. They are completely unadorned and would probably cause dysentery to any Italian fashion designer. I know a girl who buys new shoes of about the same price at least every other winter. Trendy shoes with the unpleasant tendency to wear up quickly, they are. And she has the nerve to call me a rich mustard every time I snicker at her moaning about the price of winter shoes! Oh how many times I have reminded her that I bought my trusty boots when I was sixteen. And I'm twenty-two now. And my boots have been in the heaviest of use (including several drunken 16 kilometer walks home, countless hikes on foot or on skis, and ordinary day use whenever it's cold outside), yet they show no signs of aging to this day. It's about taking care of your property. It's about investing in high quality instead of pretty look. It's always better to pay a crispy sum for something that lasts for years instead of having to pay small sums repeatedly. Some people just can't figure this and consider those who figure rich. Even if they simply are good in evaluating investments.


Even if they wear out, sometimes it is better to pay for the good stuff. I have to buy steel-toe work shoes. Some of them wear out in about six months. I still don't buy with price or wear-time as top priority - I buy the ones that fit the best, because if I don't have good-fitting shoes, I get more injuries and joint problems. It is worth every penny to me.

People at work think I'm crazy for spending several hundred dollars a year for shoes when I make so little money. And then they go on about how much their feet hurt at the end of the day, and mine don't...
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Suze on December 26, 2010, 01:57:36 PM
ahh - steel toe shoes.....I hate the cruddy things

I wear shoes out fast (I walk "crooked?") and by the time I can get another pair off the shoe truck (once a year)

my feet hurt bad because I have run over the heels and am walking sideways.

which is why I don't buy "very expensive" shoes otherwise - I can get "fresh" shoes more often  and not have so much foot pain

and it doesn't matter how expensive they are they all last about the same amount of time.   So - yeah - I will be wearing wal-mart sneakers over the very expensive ones.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: blue2000 on December 26, 2010, 03:58:51 PM
Some brands of runners don't wear out fast. I have a pair of New Balance that I have had for years now - they have outlasted at least five or six pairs of work shoes.

Which is pathetic when you think about it, really. Those things are made for hard construction jobs, and yet they can't stand up to anything.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Suze on December 26, 2010, 04:02:40 PM
I had a pair of New Balance -- they gave out faster than the $20.00 Wal mart pair of sneakers.

the sides wore off the heels and the whole sole on one shoe almost fell off.

And I had them too long to take back
I guess I am just "hard on shoes"
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Alboury on December 26, 2010, 06:57:23 PM
Quote from: blue2000
Even if they wear out, sometimes it is better to pay for the good stuff. I have to buy steel-toe work shoes. Some of them wear out in about six months. I still don't buy with price or wear-time as top priority - I buy the ones that fit the best, because if I don't have good-fitting shoes, I get more injuries and joint problems. It is worth every penny to me.

People at work think I'm crazy for spending several hundred dollars a year for shoes when I make so little money. And then they go on about how much their feet hurt at the end of the day, and mine don't...

That's definitely true, too. I don't buy my working shoes myself (it is included in the standard job contracts in Finland that the employer provides the necessary work equipment), but I have stuck to the steel-toes from my first employer other than my father, exactly because of they fit well and allow me to work 14-16 hours mainly outdoors and yet walk to the food store and back home after I've finished my day. It's really important to have a properly fitting working shoe. As for "civil" shoes, I count good fit as part of quality.



And as for Suze being "hard on shoes", I am that, too. I tend to walk distances under 5 km or so every time I'm not in a hurry, and I have a rather heavy walk (or, as some say, not a walk but a march). And I tend to take the oddest of shortcuts when I spot them, which means that any of my shoes might end up on forest soil or solid rock or coarse gravel or field soil or anything of the like. I demand a lot, which means that I can only save money in my footwear bargains by paying some extra for something I can trust for years. Luckily, several Finnish companies make high-quality shoes for heavy use. They're uncool, untrendy and nondescript, but comfortable, and they'll walk through Hell and high water (provided that the water is not high enough for the boots to slurp, of course).

But hasn't this gone a tad OT already?
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: blue2000 on December 27, 2010, 07:00:36 AM
Quote from: blue2000
Even if they wear out, sometimes it is better to pay for the good stuff. I have to buy steel-toe work shoes. Some of them wear out in about six months. I still don't buy with price or wear-time as top priority - I buy the ones that fit the best, because if I don't have good-fitting shoes, I get more injuries and joint problems. It is worth every penny to me.

People at work think I'm crazy for spending several hundred dollars a year for shoes when I make so little money. And then they go on about how much their feet hurt at the end of the day, and mine don't...

That's definitely true, too. I don't buy my working shoes myself (it is included in the standard job contracts in Finland that the employer provides the necessary work equipment), but I have stuck to the steel-toes from my first employer other than my father, exactly because of they fit well and allow me to work 14-16 hours mainly outdoors and yet walk to the food store and back home after I've finished my day. It's really important to have a properly fitting working shoe. As for "civil" shoes, I count good fit as part of quality.



And as for Suze being "hard on shoes", I am that, too. I tend to walk distances under 5 km or so every time I'm not in a hurry, and I have a rather heavy walk (or, as some say, not a walk but a march). And I tend to take the oddest of shortcuts when I spot them, which means that any of my shoes might end up on forest soil or solid rock or coarse gravel or field soil or anything of the like. I demand a lot, which means that I can only save money in my footwear bargains by paying some extra for something I can trust for years. Luckily, several Finnish companies make high-quality shoes for heavy use. They're uncool, untrendy and nondescript, but comfortable, and they'll walk through Hell and high water (provided that the water is not high enough for the boots to slurp, of course).

But hasn't this gone a tad OT already?

LOL! Only slightly. Even with shoes, sometimes you get "Oh, you always have such new/expensive/whatever things! You must have money to burn!"

No, I don't. I just don't spend my shoe money on cheap junk.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Venus193 on December 27, 2010, 07:24:27 AM
I currently have about 18 months' take-home pay as ready cash to live on while I look for a day job and try to get my site noticed.  That doesn't make me rich, but I could afford to get decent Christmas gifts for the few friends I exchange with.

I also don't want this money to get down to nothing.  That's what Blanche doesn't understand.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: iridaceae on December 27, 2010, 07:40:20 AM
I had a pair of New Balance -- they gave out faster than the $20.00 Wal mart pair of sneakers.

the sides wore off the heels and the whole sole on one shoe almost fell off.

And I had them too long to take back
I guess I am just "hard on shoes"

You probably need shoes meant to be worn by someone who walks the way you do and you aren't buying them.  I supinate when I walk- my feet tend to roll out- and I buy shoes that are meant for people who do this. This cuts down on the amount of damage that gets done to my feet. Get thee to a shoe store that will find out how you walk and fit you with shoes that are meant for how you walk. 
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: boxy on December 27, 2010, 02:08:21 PM
POD to iridaceae.

I had myself convinced I could only afford cheap shoes.  Over time they caused my knees to go bowlegged because there wasn't good support for my ankles.  So now I'm bowlegged.  Permanently.  As in knee replacement surgery.  What a mess.  Didn't happen overnight, but it happened.

The only shoes that help me now are running shoes.  They have extra cushion and have helped.  I wish I had done better homework and avoided the cheap shoes because they've cost me more long-term than saving a buck.  Sigh.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Minmom3 on December 27, 2010, 09:55:16 PM
ahh - steel toe shoes.....I hate the cruddy things

I wear shoes out fast (I walk "crooked?") and by the time I can get another pair off the shoe truck (once a year)

my feet hurt bad because I have run over the heels and am walking sideways.

which is why I don't buy "very expensive" shoes otherwise - I can get "fresh" shoes more often  and not have so much foot pain

and it doesn't matter how expensive they are they all last about the same amount of time.   So - yeah - I will be wearing wal-mart sneakers over the very expensive ones.

I've never had ANYTHING from Walmart last as long as the same kind of product, but  higher quality, bought elsewhere.  That goes from little kids jeans to adult T-shirts.  So, I'd have to restrict my disagreement to clothing from Walmart, not any other kind of product.  I can't get shoes at Walmart, they don't fit my feet at ALL, so I have to spend some serious money to get shoes that fit my feet reasonably.  I've gotten cheap shoes at times, only to have them wear out at the toes, or come unglued, or some other deterioration that means that day by day, the purchase price wasn't any lower than my more expensive shoes, and quite possibly was much higher.  Most of my shoes last me at least 5 years (except sneakers, which I don't purchase much anymore) - but I have very short toes, very wide feet, high insteps and high arches.  Finding shoes for my feet is murder - I can get some South American brands, some Italian, and some Scandinavian brands.  Most other shoes won't even go ON my feet...  Little Swedish duck feet are a nuisance!

That said, I bought a nice pair of leather flats at a high end store many years ago.  My husband about had apoplexy at the cost (just over $100, not bad for good shoes) and complained for months at the price of my shoes vs. the price of his shoes.  Well, he has to buy new shoes about every 6 months, because he destroys them.  So, his $15 shoes, multiplied x 2 per year, time 10 years - works out to $300 on sneakers.  My $100 flats, resoled 5 times and reheeled 2 or 3 times, lasted me 10 years.  I probably spent over $100 in getting them repaired, but I had a lovely pair of flats that I could wear to any event at which flats were suitable footwear, and they were comfortable as well, not just pretty.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: padua on January 03, 2011, 06:52:31 PM
i think it's about getting what you want. if you know you'll enjoy the smaller, impulsive buys, go for it. but don't gripe about what someone else is getting because they chose to save up instead. when i was in college, i chose to work straight through. i worked two jobs and paid for all my classes so i wouldn't have to take a break. after college, i decided to travel. i found little jobs at resorts, stayed in the cheapest hostels, and survived on noodles and oranges. i'm glad my dad taught me to budget. it's saved me a lot of grief, and given me a lot of positive life experiences.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: SamiHami on January 20, 2011, 10:35:42 AM
Ugh.  I used to have a friend like that.  She didn't have a job, lived off her boyfriend who paid over $600 a month for her to have a stupid sports car and her only income was when her mother would send her money.  She would immediately take that money and spend it on cigarettes, pills off the Internet and then things like massages and jewelry.  Then she would cry poormouth constantly.  If I happened to mention that my DH and I were planning to do something (go to dinner, a show, whatever), she would start acting terribly sad and complaining how unfair it was that she couldn't afford to do that.  I made the mistake one time of suggesting that she tuck away a little of the money her mother sent her so she could do something like that once in a while she looked at me like I had lost my mind.  Apparently the idea of not spending every cent she could get her hands on instantly was just incomprehensible to her.

That isn't the reason I ended our friendship, but it was a factor.  I don't care that she had no $, but I got tired of the constant complaining.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: tjika on January 21, 2011, 03:20:48 AM
i think it's about getting what you want. if you know you'll enjoy the smaller, impulsive buys, go for it. but don't gripe about what someone else is getting because they chose to save up instead. when i was in college, i chose to work straight through. i worked two jobs and paid for all my classes so i wouldn't have to take a break. after college, i decided to travel. i found little jobs at resorts, stayed in the cheapest hostels, and survived on noodles and oranges. i'm glad my dad taught me to budget. it's saved me a lot of grief, and given me a lot of positive life experiences.

It's hard to spend your money the way you want when other people tell you to spend it on something else. My sister does this to me. This past holiday I choose to spend most of my money on non food items and she got upset with me every time I didn't want to spend a lot of money on food. I was perfectly happy to eat a sandwich or something like it, while she wanted a meal at a restaurant with a glass of wine (I would have joined her for company but that, in her words, would have spoiled her dinner). This all while I spent about the same amount of money on food in 10 days as I do in 6 weeks a home. Just different priorities.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Lady Snowdon on January 22, 2011, 07:27:20 PM
I'm having this problem at work right now.  I'm going to Jamaica in three weeks for a friend's wedding.  We're lucky that we're able to afford this; an unexpected sum of money came to us, and made it possible.  Some of the people at work keep saying "oh, it must be nice to have your husband make enough that you guys can go to Jamaica" or "I wish I could afford international travel, but I don't make enough" or things like that.  DH and I make enough to pay all our bills, and put some away in savings, but we're not rolling in money by any stretch of the imagination.  We made it a priority to go to this friend's wedding, instead of making it a priority to do some other things, like do renovations on our house, or buy a new car for DH, or hundreds of other things.  Every time someone makes a remark, I try to laugh and say "well, without some help, we wouldn't have been able to afford it either", but it's really irritating to hear all the remarks.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Nurvingiel on January 22, 2011, 07:38:04 PM
"I wish I could do that!"
"You can." (smile)

You could say, "Yeah, it's totally worth skipping the little luxuries so we can splurge on the big ones!" Otherwise, your answer is fine.

They aren't asking for financial advice. They're commenting on the cost because money is an issue for them, so that's the aspect they relate to. If they felt their big hold up in life was a too full schedule, their comments would be about how they wished they had the time to spend an evening at the circus. If they are unhappily single, they'd whine about not having anyone to go to the circus with. For a lot of people, it's just easier to comment in the negative - they probably aren't even aware that they're doing it. :-\

My other favorite respose to, "Must be nice..." type comments is, "Yes, it is."  8)
And there's folks like me, who hear about your fun time, express good natured but very real envy ("Oh wow, that sounds like so much fun, it must've been really nice!") in the hopes that you will tell me every. last. detail.

I don't snipe or sniff, and I only add the whole "I wish I could do that" if I want to be told how (Where to get tickets, how you got your great deal if you mentioned it, the logistics of managing it.)

But after reading this, I suddenly feel really self concious about it. i think I'll just stop talking to people. (Not being snarky or anything) I keep thinking I've learned social skills just to discover I didn't after all.
No, no, you have lots of social skills. If I go out and do something rad it's nice when people ask about it. I'd love to relive the fun by telling you all the neat details.

I'm sure you come accross to people as you intend - someone friendly who wants to hear about a cool experience. :)

I had a pair of New Balance -- they gave out faster than the $20.00 Wal mart pair of sneakers.

the sides wore off the heels and the whole sole on one shoe almost fell off.

And I had them too long to take back
I guess I am just "hard on shoes"
I've had the same pair of New Balance hiking shoes for five years. I wear them daily. This will be their sixth year of constant wear in all weather. I even wear them in the snow, even though they're just shoes.

I don't really take care of my shoes so they look like crap (leather is scuffed, scratched and stained) but they are so comfortable it's like wearing a pair of supportive, waterproof slippers. :)

Maybe they weren't the right fit for your feet?

</shoejack>
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: iradney on January 23, 2011, 05:01:24 AM
Ugh. In HS, people assumed that because Dad was a Dr, we were rolling the money. Er. No. He has a ginormous student loan to pay off! My mom bought no-name brands, and the first time I ever got a brand-name piece of clothing (a pair of Levi's) I was 17, and it was a present.

With our wedding, my parents contributed, but I've paid for the majority myself. TTO is paying for the honeymoon - he saved up for 10 months to get the money together, just as I saved all my OT, my christmas bonus, and watched what we spent. We don't go away for weekends, don't really buy expensive things (I do try and buy good quality workout gear as I'm chestily advantaged and prefer a sterner bra), if we need something, we check if there are any specials or sales. This time of year is awesome for shopping as there's all sorts of sales going on.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: CeeBee on February 03, 2011, 07:40:56 PM
O/T but I read "I'm chestily advantaged and prefer a sterner bra" and I LOL'ed.

I'm right there with ya, sister!  ;D
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Samgirl2 on May 27, 2011, 06:01:38 AM
I have friends like this too.  

They both earn several thousand a year more than I do (the most of all our social group by far I would say) and like the finer things in life and are very very concerned about appearances. She thinks nothing of regular facials and massages at 60 a time whereas for me that is a special treat, not a necessity. They had a lovely spotless home, 3 bed/2 bath just for them but recently decided to trade up and move into the centre of town. How they have afforded it I don't know, it is in the most desirable post code and is insanely expensive, plus they are still not happy with it and want to extend because there is no master ensuite bathroom. Then they started complaining that buying the new house has really stretched their budget, they have no money to pay workmen and borrowed from their parents just to buy paint to redecorate and that his parents had been really kind and helped them buy a dining table as they wanted a new one to go in a new house. It cost 1000!!!!

They run 2 cars, even though they both work in the same company and can get pool cars if one of them needs to travel offsite, they eat out a lot, she is always buying new clothes or asking her husband for expensive jewellery. For example for her birthday she told me she had asked her husband to buy her a 400 ring and her family to club together to get her a 200 bracelet. I am just too practical to spend that amount of money on something that's not really useful too me. I just think of all the places I could go or the things I could do with that.

Now, I don't have a problem with them doing any of this. It's their money, spend it how they like, seriously.  However they say they can never afford a proper holiday, or people think they have money (because they splash it so obviously) but really they don't and I am probably better off than they are, they wish they could afford trips etc like I can. At one point she was discussing taking a career break to think about what to do with her life and it was fine because they could live off her husband's salary. I had complained about my job at the time and she said well why don't you just quit and take some time out. I pointed out that I didn't have someone else to support me and even if I did, I liked to work and be in control of my own money. This is what frustrates me, they seem to have no real idea!


I am single, I live alone, am saving to buy a house, I run an 8 year old car, I don't shop that often but when I do I by from mid-range stores like Gap, Banana Republic, Fat Face etc because I like the stuff and it fits me well. I can't afford to shop there all the time but when I need something that is where I go and I get a few key things I can mix and match so i tend to look tidy and put together.  Because it's just me I know it's easier to decide how to spend my cash. I can eat really really cheaply at home alone during the week and then it's no problem for me to go for dinner with friends when it's suggested so maybe it looks like I have more cash than I really do. I save up and budget for holidays because travel is really important to me, so once a year I visit a new country. However, I often stay in youth hostels or budget hotels and I do things my own way. My friends would not consider anything less than 4 star and yet have the nerve to say they are envious of my being able to afford such extravagant trips!

The last time she brought this up I simply said that I save, budget and don't have the same other luxuries as they do. Think of their beautiful house, I could never afford that and so choose to spend my money in different ways.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: boxy on May 29, 2011, 09:25:28 PM
Samgirl2 - it sounds like these people have a ton of debt.

Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: JillyJ on June 05, 2011, 01:16:48 PM
I don't know.  I mean, I know we're not required to or anything, but I think part of people's financial stupidity comes from a lack of discussion about money, so I think sometimes it's better to just be honest about these things.  Some people have no money skills because they are never taught any.  When people comment on things I can afford, I have no qualms about saying, "Yeah, I had to save up for six months just for that." 

I made a decision 5 years ago to get out of debt.  I didn't have a ton, but it was too much of a burden.  For 8 months I didn't buy a single thing I didn't need.  Truly.  No wants of any sort.  If I didn't need it I didn't get it.  You'd be amazed at how many people would say "Oh, indulge, or just get it, it's not that expensive."  I had no problem telling them that it was more important to me to achieve a debt free life than it was to buy that new cd or new whatever that I didn't really need. 
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Alboury on June 05, 2011, 01:57:35 PM
JillyJ, you're dead right about people losing their ability to figure the worth of money. Studies have been carried out on the subject, and the most important single reason for the phenomenon is that most bigger sums of money are transferred digitally, or on cards. Children whose parents rarely handle cash never learn to figure what one can actually get with what sum of money, and they never learn to figure that the money is, after the purchase, permanently gone from the wallet. As the usage of money is concentrated on abstract usage, people simply cannot relate to what they actually are doing with their bucks.

Great point.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Nurvingiel on June 07, 2011, 01:41:56 AM
JillyJ, I really admire you for going want-free for six months. This takes both willpower and organization. I am impressed!
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: JillyJ on June 09, 2011, 10:21:16 AM
JillyJ, I really admire you for going want-free for six months. This takes both willpower and organization. I am impressed!

Thanks - it was tricky in the first month or so, but after that got increasingly less difficult.  After the initial 8 months were up (the amount of time it took me to pay off my debts), I did a sort of modified version.   I took note of things I wanted, and if a week later I was still thinking about said item, I'd go back for it.  It was amazing how few things I went back for.  I've been thinking about doing it again just to get some extra money in the bank. 
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: gwennan on June 09, 2011, 10:57:47 AM
You know, I may just steal that idea.....I did manage to get a significant raise last year (thanks to finishing my Master's degree and landing a promotion), but my debt load isn't dropping as fast as I'd hoped since I've been doing too much impulse buying.  In my defense, I hadn't been able to buy new books for several years due to budgetary restraints.

But putting my impulse buys on a list and waiting a month?  Hmmm.  that's do-able.

thanks!!
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Red1979 on June 09, 2011, 11:42:24 AM
ahh - steel toe shoes.....I hate the cruddy things

my feet hurt bad because I have run over the heels and am walking sideways.

which is why I don't buy "very expensive" shoes otherwise - I can get "fresh" shoes more often  and not have so much foot pain

and it doesn't matter how expensive they are they all last about the same amount of time.   So - yeah - I will be wearing wal-mart sneakers over the very expensive ones.

I have the same problem.  I wear shoes out on the outer edges incredibly quickly and end up with my crooked gait and since I commute and work in NYC, I walk a lot.  But honestly, the best thing I found is to buy expensive shoes and keep getting them resoled.  It saves money in the longrun and the fit is great since you don't need to keep breaking them in.  The trick is to make sure you buy quality shoes that can be resoled.  I have a pair of Frye boots I've resoled 3 times now and I'll resole a 4th come this fall...
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: NotTheNarcissist on June 17, 2011, 10:07:01 AM
Just now reading this. Reminds me of the time I was asked to foot the entire financial part of a wedding shower I co-hosted. The ENTIRE financial part. They ver batim said I could afford it & they could not so I should pay for everything and they will take care of the rest of the co-hosting shower duties. Now maybe I am overreacting but I felt it was a rude assumption on their part.

This is why I rarely offer to host showers anymore. IMO showers today have lost class - I prefer an old-fashioned, low key, traditional shower and so few others do anymore that I just prefer to stay out of hosting them altogether. (Guess I'm not very forward thinking in the shower department to borrow a business term.)
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: JillyJ on June 21, 2011, 03:35:54 PM
You know, I may just steal that idea.....I did manage to get a significant raise last year (thanks to finishing my Master's degree and landing a promotion), but my debt load isn't dropping as fast as I'd hoped since I've been doing too much impulse buying.  In my defense, I hadn't been able to buy new books for several years due to budgetary restraints.

But putting my impulse buys on a list and waiting a month?  Hmmm.  that's do-able.

thanks!!

You're welcome!  It really did work.  Because I knew I could get things if I really wanted them, but it stopped me from getting stupid stuff that just happened to catch my eye.  I also used a really great budget program that I found, so that helped too.  Good luck - being debt free was the best thing I ever did for myself.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: aiki on June 28, 2011, 05:09:00 PM
ahh - steel toe shoes.....I hate the cruddy things

my feet hurt bad because I have run over the heels and am walking sideways.

which is why I don't buy "very expensive" shoes otherwise - I can get "fresh" shoes more often  and not have so much foot pain

and it doesn't matter how expensive they are they all last about the same amount of time.   So - yeah - I will be wearing wal-mart sneakers over the very expensive ones.

I have the same problem.  I wear shoes out on the outer edges incredibly quickly and end up with my crooked gait and since I commute and work in NYC, I walk a lot.  But honestly, the best thing I found is to buy expensive shoes and keep getting them resoled.  It saves money in the longrun and the fit is great since you don't need to keep breaking them in.  The trick is to make sure you buy quality shoes that can be resoled.  I have a pair of Frye boots I've resoled 3 times now and I'll resole a 4th come this fall...

The Sam Vimes Theory of Economic Injustice (http://"http://wiki.lspace.org/wiki/Sam_Vimes_Theory_of_Economic_Injustice") in action...
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: RegionMom on August 31, 2011, 11:30:59 AM
DH and I keep a pretty low budget, but I found a way to keep it even lower--have your wallet stolen and go with out credit cards while you straighten everything out!!

bg-DH lost his wallet last week at a men's breakfast meeting.  We cancelled everything, all seems well, but we have not received the new replacement cards yet and I want to make sure all is completely cleared and starting fresh.  So, we are paying bills on-line, or using cash. 

I used to dash off to the grocery store with $20 and come back with cash left over, but not shopping at all, and getting creative with the food in your pantry is free!! :D

And filling the tank with cash instead of credit limits my driving so I am planning my routes more carefully. 

So, am I rich because I am saving more of my own money but not spending as much? 
No.   

Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on September 04, 2011, 03:10:52 PM
I have a friend like this who is always complaining about not having any money, but every time I turn around she and her BF are going to concerts, or she's bought a new vehicle because she got into another accident (she's wrecked more vehicles than everyone else I know put together) or bragging about her Oilers (hockey) season tickets...they also don't live right in town, it's about an hour and a half drive one-way so every time they decide to USE their season tickets (and you have to use them for almost every home game for it to be worthwhile) they also rack up the added expense of gas and usually a hotel, because by the time the game's over, they've either had too much to drink or are too tired to drove back to their town.

And she wonders why she never has any money, none of that stuff is cheap! (Nor, IMO, is any of that stuff NECESSARY)  I've been to ONE concert in the past ohh...three years?  Four years?  It's too expensive and even though there have been plenty of bands through town that I'd love to see, I just couldn't justify the expense.  And now the aforementioned friend is saying what a lucky dog I am to have been able to buy a house, and how much she wishes she and her BF could buy a place...well..umm...I can never really think of a nice way to tell her that maybe if they stopped wasting money on so many frivolous entertainments, they might be able to put a down payment away faster...I went without pretty much all but small luxuries (the movies every couple months maybe, buying one or two cheap books at the used bookstore) so I could afford to buy my home...and I did it by myself, without the benefit of a second household income.  It CAN be done, with some self-control.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: delphinium on October 11, 2011, 03:00:12 PM
Whenever I read these kinds of posts, I wonder why everybody feels that they have to apologize for being able to afford certain things.  I would love it if just one time, somebody would say, Oh, yes, it is nice to be rich."  ;D (Even if they're not!)
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Sunbeem on October 17, 2011, 11:28:29 AM
Whenever I read these kinds of posts, I wonder why everybody feels that they have to apologize for being able to afford certain things.  I would love it if just one time, somebody would say, Oh, yes, it is nice to be rich."  ;D (Even if they're not!)

Okay, here you go.

Oh YES, it is NICE to be RICH!!!!!!!!!!! :D
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Doll Fiend on October 22, 2011, 10:34:51 AM
I am in a very expensive hobby. See the dolls down in my sig? Sitting here is over $400. And those are cheep ones. A lot of people who find out how much the dolls cost jump to the conclusion that I have money to burn. That is beyond wrong. I got them second hand and as gifts. I make their clothes and accessories. I scrimp and save to afford my obsession hobby.

I wish I were rich. Then I would be able to afford the $1,000 dolls. XD
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: DuBois on October 22, 2011, 11:12:52 AM
I am in a very expensive hobby. See the dolls down in my sig? Sitting here is over $400. And those are cheep ones. A lot of people who find out how much the dolls cost jump to the conclusion that I have money to burn. That is beyond wrong. I got them second hand and as gifts. I make their clothes and accessories. I scrimp and save to afford my obsession hobby.

I wish I were rich. Then I would be able to afford the $1,000 dolls. XD

You have a very, very cool hobby. Your dolls are awesome!

I am a member of another forum that drives me nuts: it is a travel forum. I happen to like to go on fairly expensive holidays, when I go away at all. No camping or hostels. People on there seem to take exception to that. This is irritating, it isn't as if I'm making a huge deal out of my preferences, I mention them in passing, that is all. I have no idea why people think that other people's spending habits are any of their business. The money I spend is my own. I save on some things, splurge on others. I have been lucky enough to have a high paying job as a teen, which means that I have more money than some people my age. So what? That is just life.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Nora on October 29, 2011, 12:05:19 PM
Would you link to the 1000 dollar dolls you lust after? I'd love to see what those look like!
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Doll Fiend on October 29, 2011, 01:11:50 PM
Would you link to the 1000 dollar dolls you lust after? I'd love to see what those look like!

They are limited edition. (http://www.dollsoom.com/eng/shop/item.php?it_id=1299837168) Base price is for a blank doll. No eyes, no wig, no painting, no clothes. It is when you add in all the options that they get to $1,000. And yes, I do have friends who have some of these.

Here is another one that is basically a life size child. (http://www.dollmore.net/shop/step1.php?number=8569)
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: violinp on October 29, 2011, 01:58:51 PM
Would you link to the 1000 dollar dolls you lust after? I'd love to see what those look like!

They are limited edition. (http://www.dollsoom.com/eng/shop/item.php?it_id=1299837168) Base price is for a blank doll. No eyes, no wig, no painting, no clothes. It is when you add in all the options that they get to $1,000. And yes, I do have friends who have some of these.

Here is another one that is basically a life size child. (http://www.dollmore.net/shop/step1.php?number=8569)

Oh wow! How beautiful those are! I have some dolls myself (porcelain), but they're worth far more in sentiment than they will ever be in actual money - one of the dolls lost both her legs, and I need to make another dress for another, as I lost her first one, and she's wearing an 18" doll dress when she's only about 12" - because my grandma gave them to me as gifts.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Doll Fiend on October 29, 2011, 02:18:30 PM
I still have many of my dolls I got as a child. I refuse to get rid of any of my dolls. I tend to get rather attached.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Nora on October 29, 2011, 03:22:59 PM
Oh, wow! Those are gorgeous!

I still feel bad for a horrible crime I committed when I was 6-ish.  :-[ I got this doll from a family friend:

http://www.dolls4play.com/thumbnails/013.jpg

It came with the box and everything. I liked it, but thought it would look better with shorter hair and different (permanent) make-up. The scream of my mother discovering what I'd done, within 1 hour of getting the doll I might add, could be heard around the Netherlands...

Every time I think of it I cringe.  :(
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: hollandoates on December 01, 2011, 11:22:53 PM
Whenever I read these kinds of posts, I wonder why everybody feels that they have to apologize for being able to afford certain things.  I would love it if just one time, somebody would say, Oh, yes, it is nice to be rich."  ;D (Even if they're not!)

My mother's biggest pet peeve is when people try to make others feel guilty for their success. Whenever someone says to her, "Geez, it must be nice!" she always replies with a frosty "It is."

We're not a rich family but we like nice things and we work hard for them. Someone trying to make others feel guilty for these sorts of things is just ridiculous.
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Mental Magpie on December 02, 2011, 12:39:50 AM
Whenever I read these kinds of posts, I wonder why everybody feels that they have to apologize for being able to afford certain things.  I would love it if just one time, somebody would say, Oh, yes, it is nice to be rich."  ;D (Even if they're not!)

My mother's biggest pet peeve is when people try to make others feel guilty for their success. Whenever someone says to her, "Geez, it must be nice!" she always replies with a frosty "It is."

We're not a rich family but we like nice things and we work hard for them. Someone trying to make others feel guilty for these sorts of things is just ridiculous.

Dark Boyfriend does that some times.  I say how I got to watch something while he was at work.  He always says it in just that tone, "Must be nice."  It started to aggravate me so much that I just started to say with a big grin, "It was, thanks!"
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Portugal79 on December 09, 2011, 03:22:27 AM
This happens to me all the time, i really have an average paying job...though people assume i get paid more then i do, i buy everything in the Jan sales for the following Christmas and birthdays (i have a huge family), and am able to keep my costs of living down, by little things like taking  a packed lunch to work. because of this i am able to go abroad once a year, even though i pay a single person supplement and when i am there i have a fixed budget per day for the things i want to and look around for cheap places to eat. Now because of this people assume that i am rich...it's really not the case and it frustrates me when people i have an unlimited income in the bank!
Title: Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
Post by: Viscountess on December 18, 2011, 02:58:54 PM
Just had this happen to me yesterday.  Next month, my boyfriend and I are going to a ski resort for a long weekend.  My former roommate  said "You're so lucky; it must be nice to be rich."  Now, I have been saving up for this trip for months and haven't gone on a trip since April.  Former Roommate has gone to Disneyland, Vegas and monthly trips to San Francisco in the past 3 months.  Also, I work part-time and earning just above minimum wage which is a far cry from rich.