Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => "What an interesting assumption." => Topic started by: Kaymyth on July 14, 2010, 04:43:15 PM

Title: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: Kaymyth on July 14, 2010, 04:43:15 PM
This phrase would've been so helpful seven months ago.  Alas, this incident happened before I discovered eHell:

DF and I were at his niece's birthday party.  I wound up being introduced to some friends of FBIL and FSIL's friends.

Friend: "So, you're his (DF's) boss!"

Me: "Um....nooo, I'm his fiancee."

Friend: "Yeah, his boss!"

Me (trying extremely hard not to be insulted, but failing miserably): "Our relationship is pretty equal, actually."

Friend (condescendingly): "Awwww, that's so cute, she's being nice.  That won't last long after the wedding!"

DF and I were both completely flabbergasted by the idea that once we were wed, I'd turn into a controlling harridan who rules the house with an iron fist.  I have since learned that this guy is pretty well-convinced that he's the most hilarious comedian ever, and I've even seen his young son rolling his eyes at Dad in the manner of the long-suffering.  This was his idea of a clever joke.  Go figure.

So.  Yeah.  "What an interesting assumption," is a wonderful sentence which I shall now treasure.  But if only I'd had it in my arsenal then!
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: Bibliophile on July 14, 2010, 04:45:29 PM
It sounds like something a lot of people just joke about but not something they mean seriously...
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: hobish on July 14, 2010, 04:46:02 PM

Eek, that sounds very annoying!

Welcome to EHell!

Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: Kaymyth on July 14, 2010, 06:22:14 PM
It sounds like something a lot of people just joke about but not something they mean seriously...

Unfortunately, the intent behind it didn't make it any less insulting.  I just didn't find it at all funny.

Since they are friends of FBIL and his wife, I doubt we'll see them very often at all.  And if there is a next time, I am now armed with a multitude of eHell-approved responses. :)
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: Orisha on July 15, 2010, 08:20:43 AM
It sounds like something a lot of people just joke about but not something they mean seriously...

Unfortunately, the intent behind it didn't make it any less insulting.  I just didn't find it at all funny.

Since they are friends of FBIL and his wife, I doubt we'll see them very often at all.  And if there is a next time, I am now armed with a multitude of eHell-approved responses. :)

I don't blame you.  In a similar vein, I wasn't too amused a few years back when some friends of ILs' family friends (whom I'd met not 5 seconds earlier) announced "so, we'll be holding your baby this time next year!"  I just answered "no."  They continued to pester, "oh, so you don't want kids?"  I answered that I thought that that was personal and changed the subject.  They thought I was being a snob for refusing to discuss my family planning with people I barely knew.   ::)
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: Elfqueen13 on July 16, 2010, 08:44:51 AM
I hate when people say things like that to me.  Not only is it the worst kind of stereotyping, in my case it's 180 degrees off and therefore offensive to both myself and my husband.
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: Bibliophile on July 16, 2010, 09:00:01 AM
It sounds like something a lot of people just joke about but not something they mean seriously...

Unfortunately, the intent behind it didn't make it any less insulting.  I just didn't find it at all funny.

Since they are friends of FBIL and his wife, I doubt we'll see them very often at all.  And if there is a next time, I am now armed with a multitude of eHell-approved responses. :)

It's the same to me as calling one's spouse/SO their "better half".  It's rarely meant as an insult - I don't see any "intent" behind it.
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: Minmom3 on July 16, 2010, 02:12:13 PM
It sounds like something a lot of people just joke about but not something they mean seriously...

Unfortunately, the intent behind it didn't make it any less insulting.  I just didn't find it at all funny.

Since they are friends of FBIL and his wife, I doubt we'll see them very often at all.  And if there is a next time, I am now armed with a multitude of eHell-approved responses. :)

It's the same to me as calling one's spouse/SO their "better half".  It's rarely meant as an insult - I don't see any "intent" behind it.

I think it entirely depends on the delivery and the source.  I've seen it used benignly, and with intent to rabble rouse.  My take on the benign usage is that it's a bit old fashioned, but it's fine, no harm done.  When it's done with intent to irritate, it succeeds quite well, and I am annoyed, but more at the idiot who likes to stir fecal matter with me than with the actual phrase.  I just don't under the love of fecal matter stirring, and it bugs the snot out of me.  DH does it a lot, and I don't understand why that's fun for him, nor for anybody else. For that matter, why it's so much fun for DH to get a rise out of me, and for him to not care that I'm, upset when it's all over with. 

I've been called a fuddy duddy for that attitude, and 'can't take a joke', and 'you don't understand playing the Devil's advocate'...  Such is life, I just don't understand the love of that kind of interaction.   ::) >:(
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: Kaymyth on July 16, 2010, 11:31:18 PM
It sounds like something a lot of people just joke about but not something they mean seriously...

Unfortunately, the intent behind it didn't make it any less insulting.  I just didn't find it at all funny.

Since they are friends of FBIL and his wife, I doubt we'll see them very often at all.  And if there is a next time, I am now armed with a multitude of eHell-approved responses. :)

It's the same to me as calling one's spouse/SO their "better half".  It's rarely meant as an insult - I don't see any "intent" behind it.

I think it entirely depends on the delivery and the source.  I've seen it used benignly, and with intent to rabble rouse.  My take on the benign usage is that it's a bit old fashioned, but it's fine, no harm done.  When it's done with intent to irritate, it succeeds quite well, and I am annoyed, but more at the idiot who likes to stir fecal matter with me than with the actual phrase.  I just don't under the love of fecal matter stirring, and it bugs the snot out of me.  DH does it a lot, and I don't understand why that's fun for him, nor for anybody else. For that matter, why it's so much fun for DH to get a rise out of me, and for him to not care that I'm, upset when it's all over with. 

I've been called a fuddy duddy for that attitude, and 'can't take a joke', and 'you don't understand playing the Devil's advocate'...  Such is life, I just don't understand the love of that kind of interaction.   ::) >:(

In this case, it was said in a really obnoxious, "Yoooouuu'll seeeeeee!" tone of voice, from a person we had just met.  DF and I were both somewhat dumbfounded by the thing, though I suspect I was more insulted than he was.

Meh.  We will continue blithely with our wonderful, healthy relationship, and I will somehow refrain from blowing raspberries at this individual in ten years' time.  ::)
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: Mediancat on July 29, 2010, 01:25:45 PM
A lot of insult and rudeness is tone. I've met people who could say "Hello" and be twelve kinds of obnoxious, and people who could use phrases often meant as insulting and not be insulting in the least.

In this case, even if the intent was a joke, the second he saw that you and your fiancee weren't remotely amused, he should have backed off. That he didn't indicates to me that he's either utterly clueless, or actually meant what he said and was trying to pass it off as a "joke."

Rob
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: audrey1962 on July 29, 2010, 02:01:36 PM
I like it when people immediately identify themselves as boors so that I won't have to waste the time of cultivating a friendship with them.
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on August 01, 2010, 10:26:05 PM
That would irritate me as well, depending on the tone used.  Though it doesn't offend me as much as when people say "She wears the pants in the family."  ::)

A friend of ours affectionately refers to his wife as the boss when he and DH talk about plans for the weekend or future weekends.   It's mostly just because she is more organized and thus remembers when they have commitments like a niece's first communion or whatever. 

But the guy in the OP was obnoxious.   

In this case, even if the intent was a joke, the second he saw that you and your fiancee weren't remotely amused, he should have backed off. That he didn't indicates to me that he's either utterly clueless, or actually meant what he said and was trying to pass it off as a "joke."


POD!
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: hellgirl on August 01, 2010, 11:12:22 PM
People say some stupid things.

I used to get (probably still do!) very annoyed when people would comment on Dh and I being apparently very happy/considerate towards each other. I don't remember exact words but it was a 'how cute - they still like each other!' vibe. With a strong implication that it would wear off once real life or time set in. Of course it was too satisfying one time this happened when I could point out that they had been with their husband for 4 years (all up), and we'd been together for about 10. I figure if we still like each other after 10 years that's a good sign it might stick :)
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on August 02, 2010, 06:24:37 AM
People say some stupid things.

I used to get (probably still do!) very annoyed when people would comment on Dh and I being apparently very happy/considerate towards each other. I don't remember exact words but it was a 'how cute - they still like each other!' vibe. With a strong implication that it would wear off once real life or time set in. Of course it was too satisfying one time this happened when I could point out that they had been with their husband for 4 years (all up), and we'd been together for about 10. I figure if we still like each other after 10 years that's a good sign it might stick :)

We've heard that before too and makes me sad for the person who says it, since they're apparently tired of each other. 
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: Eastsider on August 03, 2010, 10:07:53 AM
My DH ran into something similar at an art fair we were at recently.  We had decided to buy a mirror from the fair and we were debating about which one to get.  Our rule about art in our house is that we both have to love it.  So we were going back and forth about which one to get and where it would go when the artist says to my husband " You should just get the one she wants because you'll end up doing that anyway.  The wife always gets her way."  Um, no.
It was so odd and I didn't know what to say to him.
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on August 03, 2010, 12:24:46 PM
I get the impression at times that some people refer to the woman of the house as the "boss" for two reasons:

1. Husband/bf/partner respects wife's knowledge/opinion/feelings, etc., so they don't mind letting her have her way, or give in easily. :) :)   DH and I were in Lowe's recently, and finding ourselves in the appliance section, studying the ovens/stoves.   We're going to need to replace ours at some point since it's kinda old and I pointed out a gas oven and range I really liked.  "What's wrong with electric?"   Me: "I'm more comfortable using gas ranges and being the main cook for the family, I'd use it more than you."  DH: "Good point, okay, pick whatever you like." :)

2. It's coming from the sort of person who would call a woman a word that rhymes with witch because she hurt his poor widdle ego by not letting him be lord and master of his house.
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: Suze on August 03, 2010, 12:30:50 PM
My friend call his wife the "activities director"

and as for the art fair mirror - I think I would have walked away at that point.
Title: Re: "So, she's your boss!"
Post by: JacklynHyde on August 03, 2010, 03:49:13 PM
My DH ran into something similar at an art fair we were at recently.  We had decided to buy a mirror from the fair and we were debating about which one to get.  Our rule about art in our house is that we both have to love it.  So we were going back and forth about which one to get and where it would go when the artist says to my husband " You should just get the one she wants because you'll end up doing that anyway.  The wife always gets her way."  Um, no.
It was so odd and I didn't know what to say to him.
Did you walk away from the vendor without buying anything?  That would've been my answer, but that's just me.