Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => "What an interesting assumption." => Topic started by: MummyPumpkin83 on July 19, 2010, 05:10:07 AM

Title: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: MummyPumpkin83 on July 19, 2010, 05:10:07 AM
My husband and I were married on 21st January 2006 and found out that we were pregnant on the 21st February 2006.

Now for those who don't know how they count pregnancy dates:

day 1 of the pregnancy is day 1 of the last period before you actually conceived.

So our pregnancy day 1 was 26th January (Australia Day!) and on our honeymoon. (due date 1st November, actual birthday 2nd November)

Cue a few weeks after our announcement to our church family (so about 15/16 weeks pregnant) and one of the young (age 10-12) girls at church comes up to my husband and I congratulating us. She is a bit developmentally delayed (so not sure if that is a contributing factor), and I guess was trying to make conversation by saying "So, a honeymoon baby hey?"  :o

DH and I just laughed and steered the conversation elsewhere, but afterwards we were discussing and were wondering:
1. who would have told her that / where she would have heard it
2. who really cares enough about someone else's pregnancy to "work out" if it was a "Honeymoon baby" or not, and then talk about it (in front if their kids no less!)

I did get the jokes from work colleagues as well, and depending on the relationship answered honestly - that it was actually impossible for me to fall pregnant on our honeymoon.

The "worst" one was my dad who at the family Christmas get together (December 2006 so DS was about 6 weeks old) and in joking discussion with my then future BIL (sister's fiance) about "so you're sure you weren't pregnant before the wedding?" dad says "No its OK. I counted and made sure" :o (not that he can talk, I was born in July '83 after their January '83 wedding)

anyone else had similar "Interesting Assumptions"?
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: susku on July 19, 2010, 06:36:42 AM
My parents married young at 21 and my father's side consider themselves to be 'better class of people'. My mother came from a very poor farming background, she's from a large family and had to start supporting herself financially at 14.

Dad's side openly talked at their wedding about how mum must have been pregnant as there couldn't be any other reason for the marriage.

My mum calls me her Peyton Place baby as I didn't arrive until three years later and was her first pregnancy and first child...

When I married DH, we hoped a baby would be our next goal. DD was born a day before our first anniversary. Someone at his work said to DH that "we looked so much in love at our wedding, they knew we'd have a baby soon"...  ::)
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Jocelyn on July 19, 2010, 09:08:58 PM
My father was born 9 months to the day after his parents' wedding.
My sister's SIL married very young; her belief was that since she wanted to be a wife and mother, there was no point waiting around. Of course, when a very young woman gets married, there's speculation. The SIL was proud to be on the guest book at my sister's wedding, because it was about a year and a half after her own, and she was obviously 'great with child'. She said she was happy for all the old biddies to see she still hadn't had a baby 18 months after her wedding. :)
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Arianoor on July 26, 2010, 03:47:57 PM
When my Mom told my Aunt that I was getting married years ago, my Aunt's first question was, "When is she due?"  Which I found to be a really interesting assumption considering that I was a virgin until my wedding night.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: penguinpants on July 28, 2010, 07:12:12 AM
My MOTHER worked out our due date (we have a wedding night baby on the way), and went on and on about how happy she was about the due date not being earlier.  Then, she announced it, quite proudly, to her brother/my uncle, the priest who officiated our ceremony.  He rather abruptly told her that she really shouldn't be concerned about the exact dates, nor should she be publishing that concern so broadly.  Heh.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Corbin on July 28, 2010, 12:15:21 PM
When the now-ex and I told his parents we were getting married, the first thing they said is "Are you pregnant?" I was not. A year after our wedding, when we told them I was pregnant, they said "Is it his?" She was. Needless to say, it was a tense relationship.

Now, with my wonderful FH and wonderful Future IL's I don't get any of that. Although my delightful FFIL did say "So, ya gonna knock her up soon or what?"  ::) Since I love the man dearly, I am finding it funny (and kinda sweet. They like me!)
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Kendo_Bunny on August 17, 2010, 11:53:18 AM
We have a honeymoon baby in our family, which the parents are quite open about. The bride decided she was pregnant at 3 AM on her wedding night, and called her parents to inform them of this, based on the fact that she was nauseous, despite the fact that she was on a boat. They did not bring a back-up method and had a baby 9 months later. They turned out to be great parents and have an absolutely darling child, but I still kind of smile and nod when they say the first one was miraculously conceived despite birth control - the bride hadn't known that birth control pills must be taken at the same time every day until she went back on the pill after the baby was born.

Speculating is rude, but some couples seem really proud of their honeymoon babies. I guess it's like my best friend and her Leave from Basic Training baby... she makes jokes about that being the reason why young husbands getting home leave may not be the smartest thing.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: pinkunicorn on August 17, 2010, 01:56:23 PM
Well, alot of times people refer to "Honeymoon babies" when talking about any child concieved within the first few months to first year of marriage, not necessarily exactly during the honeymoon. I was referred to quite a bit as a "honeymoon baby" because I was born 11 months after my parents married, and because I was not planned.

A big thing about these kinds of assumptions stems from the VERY INTERESTING ASSUMPTION that because couples get married, they always want kids, and they want them right away. Why do you think so many people ask "So when are you planning on having kids?" Many ask that during the wedding reception!
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Sophia on August 17, 2010, 02:16:26 PM
My parents married young at 21 and my father's side consider themselves to be 'better class of people'. My mother came from a very poor farming background, she's from a large family and had to start supporting herself financially at 14.

Dad's side openly talked at their wedding about how mum must have been pregnant as there couldn't be any other reason for the marriage.

My mum calls me her Peyton Place baby as I didn't arrive until three years later and was her first pregnancy and first child...

When I married DH, we hoped a baby would be our next goal. DD was born a day before our first anniversary. Someone at his work said to DH that "we looked so much in love at our wedding, they knew we'd have a baby soon"...  ::)

This could have been written by me.  Except that both sides thought they were better than the other, and my baby was born three weeks before anniversary, and one week early.  It is amazing the number of people that seemed to calculate in their head, so I just started to save people the bother and told people it would be neat if she came late, on our anniversary. 

Speaking of interesting assumptions, the biddies in dad's small farm town were so convinced that my mother was pregnant were they eloped, they decided that I either had an older sister that they hadn't told me about, or that I was really older than I really am by three years
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Kess on August 18, 2010, 03:20:40 AM
With my recent pregnancy, we had so many people (including my Dad!) working out whether he was a honeymoon baby (not quite, actually), which freaked me out.  I think people seperate in their heads the act of conception from the fact of it.  I honestly don't think it occurred to my Dad that he was working out when his daughter had erm... played unprotected scrabble!
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Mopsy428 on August 18, 2010, 02:57:47 PM
My aunt was married in early October. My cousin was born the following August. She told me that when she announced to her co-workers that she was pregnant, one lady said this to her:

Lady: "You're awfully big for being a few weeks pregnant."

Aunt: "I'm 4 months along."

Lady: "Really?" *does obnoxious counting on the fingers* "Oh, so you weren't pregnant on your wedding day!"

My aunt ignored her.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: MrsJWine on August 18, 2010, 03:11:30 PM
It doesn't help that day 1 of pregnancy is usually about two weeks before the actual day of conception (this does depend on the individual's particular fertility cycle, of course).  You're not actually pregnant until you're two weeks pregnant.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Hushabye on August 18, 2010, 03:57:40 PM
It doesn't help that day 1 of pregnancy is usually about two weeks before the actual day of conception (this does depend on the individual's particular fertility cycle, of course).  You're not actually pregnant until you're two weeks pregnant.

That's a good point, and one I would not hesitate to point out to someone nosing about for my date of conception.  At least we're not going to have to worry about "honeymoon baby" comments...
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Information_queen on August 22, 2010, 07:21:50 PM
My mom *was* pregnant when my parents got married, and apparently my grandmother has never forgiven her for it. Something about stealing her baby or seducing him or some such nonsense.

So when I announced my engagement, my cousin's response was "You know grandma's going to think you're pregnant, right?" Because clearly, my mother is some sort of 'loose woman' (trying to avoid the ads..) and it must be hereditary  ::). Yeah, well, we've been married a year and half and no baby yet.

Kind of makes me wonder what kind of gossip is going on behind my back...
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: 567Kate on August 23, 2010, 09:30:29 AM
This thread is reminding me to watch myself! I've been excited over my friends' announced pregnancy, and they are definitely having a honeymoon baby (which I would consider any pregnancy really early in the marriage). I didn't realize that some people would object to the term.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: CakeEater on August 24, 2010, 06:06:02 PM
It never occured to me until last year when we celebrated my grandparents' 60th anniversary and my Dad's 60th birthday 10 months later, that the two events were so close. I just felt kind of sorry for my grandparents. I loved being married for a while before having a a baby.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Paper Roses on August 24, 2010, 07:02:14 PM
Oh yeah, been there. 

We had reasons to believe we would have difficulty conceiving, so we decided to start trying as right after we got married.  (Our reasoning was that, if we just couldn't conceive and/or decided to adopt, we were probably looking at several years before we had our first child, and while there's nothing wrong with being older first-time parents, we wanted to start younger, since we wanted more than one child.)  And, may I add, we were engaged for almost 2 years, so it wasn't like we rushed into anything.

Anyway, we were married in April, and I was pregnant by October.  My son was due in June, but was born 4 weeks early, in mid-May (2 weeks and one day after our first anniversary, to be exact.)

Add to that the fact that he was a big kid (7 lb 3 oz at birth, which isn't that big, but is is for being 4 weeks early) and he just grew, and grew, and grew - everyone thought he was older than he was - yes, we got the sideways looks and raised eyebrows. 

There were times when I wanted to just flat out say, "No, I WASN'T pregnant when I got married!" because it was that obvious that's what people were thinking. 

Even if he was full term when he was born, I STILL couldn't have been pregnant at the wedding anyway; but of course, no one wanted to hear that.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: kethria on August 26, 2010, 08:09:17 AM
leila was born 9 days after our first anniversary, and I got the "honeymoon baby" thing too. I had to laugh when a woman at my church said "Well honey all I know is that the first baby can come at any time after the wedding. The second baby waits at least 9 months though..."  ::)
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: jassou on August 26, 2010, 10:24:12 AM
I also don't really understand why the mention of 'honeymoom baby' would be unsulting? We've been TTC for a long time and I eventually got pregnant during our honeymoon. (we had lived together for about eight years before we decided an official declaration of our civil status was in order  :))

Everybody will know it's a honeymoon baby or will think that I was pregnant at the time we got married. I don't care either way, let them think what they want. We consider this pregnancy the best wedding gift of the lot, and would shout it from the rooftops if people would care to hear (but I don't think they would). If I would act insulted, that, to me, would imply I would be embarressed at having sex before marriage, or something like that? I would file comments like that in the 'oh, well' compartment. Not worth to really react to, it's only conversational.

ETA: unless the comments are made with the object to make out whether the baby was conceived before marriage or not, and based on the conclusion, made judgemental comments about that. So I suppose it would depend on intent.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: PurpleFrog on August 26, 2010, 01:34:09 PM
I never though of the term honeymoon baby as offensive either. Maybe its a regional/religious type thing?
I have a good friend who's baby was born 2 weeks before mine. It's a standing joke that as neither of us are married her engagement baby is the winner. I enjoy opinion out that its only by 20 min....
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: MrsJWine on August 26, 2010, 01:41:35 PM
I don't think the term is offensive in and of itself.  It's pretty easy to calculate nine months back without really thinking about it, anyway; I wouldn't assume that someone deliberately counted just to be a jerk. 

It's when you're newly married and have an obvious pregnant belly, and Judgy McJudgerson has to count down to the exact week, just to be *sure* you didn't do the deed before you were supposed to.  And if it's really close, they say the "honeymoon" part with enough sarcasm that it implies they don't actually believe that it was the honeymoon.  It's even more fun when the baby is a little early.  Three weeks early + two weeks of "pregnancy" before the baby is actually conceived can really get some people talking.

This hasn't happened to me (we had our first after being married 5 years, but I did have many people--restaurant patrons especially--assume I was too young to be married, so I do understand a bit), but it has happened to friends of mine.  It's especially irritating when it's done to expectant/new parents who don't believe it's right to have sex before marriage.  Not only is it used to imply that since they cut it *too* close they probably had a shotgun wedding, but it also implies that they're hypocrites as well.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Mahdoumi on August 29, 2010, 10:38:08 PM
Well, alot of times people refer to "Honeymoon babies" when talking about any child concieved within the first few months to first year of marriage, not necessarily exactly during the honeymoon. I was referred to quite a bit as a "honeymoon baby" because I was born 11 months after my parents married, and because I was not planned.


I guess my younger DD is a honeymoon baby since she was born 10 months after the wedding (albeit two months premature).  However, what I got was, "Ah!  A change-of-life baby!"  BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!   >:(
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: CakeEater on August 30, 2010, 12:06:55 AM
I also don't really understand why the mention of 'honeymoom baby' would be unsulting? We've been TTC for a long time and I eventually got pregnant during our honeymoon. (we had lived together for about eight years before we decided an official declaration of our civil status was in order  :))

If the couple was religious, it would be insulting to imply they were getting up to something before they should have.

There also might be an implication that you were playing scarbble so frequently and with such enthusiasm while on your honeymoon that you couldn't help but conceive.

I just find it icky that people are working backwards and trying to find out when you've been playing scrabble.

Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: LadyPekoe on August 30, 2010, 02:36:40 PM
When my best guy friend, Ed, told me his wife was pregnant, I counted and asked him if she got pregnant at my wedding.  He laughed and said it was the next week, that they took as their honeymoon :)  I would never say anything of the sort to someone I didn't have a very close rel@tionship with though.  And I wouldn't count because, frankly, I tend not to care that much :)
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: 567Kate on August 30, 2010, 02:49:22 PM
I also don't really understand why the mention of 'honeymoom baby' would be unsulting? We've been TTC for a long time and I eventually got pregnant during our honeymoon. (we had lived together for about eight years before we decided an official declaration of our civil status was in order  :))

If the couple was religious, it would be insulting to imply they were getting up to something before they should have.

There also might be an implication that you were playing scarbble so frequently and with such enthusiasm while on your honeymoon that you couldn't help but conceive.

I just find it icky that people are working backwards and trying to find out when you've been playing scrabble.



In the "Do you know how?" thread under Classics, people have pointed out that nosy relatives don't seem to think about what they're really saying when they talk about wanting grandkids. There's a bit of a disconnect in people's minds between playing scrabble and getting pregnant, even though the one leads to the other.

I might do some math in my head when I find out a friend is pregnant, but it's not to be nasty. It's more like, if someone says "We're having a baby in March!" I'll figure out how far along they are now. It's almost automatic.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: hannahmollysmom on August 30, 2010, 02:51:13 PM
My daughter decided 4 weeks ago to get married in 6 weeks. (9/11). The first thing people asked is, was she pregnant. No she is not, but she has been with this guy since high school (she is almost 24) and decided she wants to start a family and thought getting married first was a good idea. Just because someone isn't planning their wedding a year and a half ahead, does not mean they are pregnant. I was rather insulted. Not that she could have been pregnant, as I would have still accepted it just fine, but that people assumed so. That is rude.

The next question was why 9/11? Well, it was the only day the chapel she wanted was available. She was concerned but I told her that people also need something good to celebrate on a date that was considered sad. Life does go on.

Besides, I can't wait to be a grammie! ;D
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Sophia on August 30, 2010, 04:35:46 PM
...The next question was why 9/11? Well, it was the only day the chapel she wanted was available. She was concerned but I told her that people also need something good to celebrate on a date that was considered sad. Life does go on.

Besides, I can't wait to be a grammie! ;D

We are having a meet-the-baby open house that day for many of the same reasons.  Plus I figure people are less likely to have other party plans that day. 
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Brentwood on August 30, 2010, 04:47:31 PM
While I find the idea of a "honeymoon baby" sweet and charming, if people are using it as a way to express disapproval, they should just keep their mouths shut.

I planned a wedding while pregnant - a wedding that would have taken place two months before my daughter was born, had my fiance not backed out. My child was born while I was unmarried and I remained unmarried for a number of years. She grew up and had a baby before having a wedding also (the baby will be 2 on 9/10 and their first anniversary is two days later). I know I was judged for having a baby "out of wedlock", and I'm sure some people judge me because my daughter grew up to do the same thing, undoubtedly as a result of poor parenting on my part. Those people are welcome to their views, as long as they keep them to themselves.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: hannahmollysmom on August 30, 2010, 08:01:12 PM
{{{Cathy}}}

Any child born of love and cared for is special. I hope my post didn't insult anyone who had a child without being married (notice I did not use "out of wedlock", as I find that offensive) I was just insulted that people automatically assumed that is the reason for a sudden wedding.

Years ago, weddings were not planned years in advance and "honeymoon" babies were hoped for. I find todays counting dates etc. rude and really none of anyone's business. By the way, I have a friend who got pregnant on her honeymoon and named her child for the city she was concieved in..."Sydney".
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: GoldenGemini on August 30, 2010, 10:45:19 PM
While I find the idea of a "honeymoon baby" sweet and charming, if people are using it as a way to express disapproval, they should just keep their mouths shut.

I planned a wedding while pregnant - a wedding that would have taken place two months before my daughter was born, had my fiance not backed out. My child was born while I was unmarried and I remained unmarried for a number of years. She grew up and had a baby before having a wedding also (the baby will be 2 on 9/10 and their first anniversary is two days later). I know I was judged for having a baby "out of wedlock", and I'm sure some people judge me because my daughter grew up to do the same thing, undoubtedly as a result of poor parenting on my part. Those people are welcome to their views, as long as they keep them to themselves.

You know, I knew that you had your daughter while you were not married, and I knew she had her gorgeous little boy before her wedding, and yet it never occurred to me to link those events.  Huh. Some people just work differently, don't they?
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Wonderflonium on September 05, 2010, 11:16:53 PM
OK, I admit that I had some friends announce they were 4 weeks pregnant less than 2 weeks after the wedding, and I did the math in my head.  :-\ HOWEVER, the only thing I said was, "Congratulations!"
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: kisu on September 06, 2010, 02:16:36 AM
This was so embarrassing... We were at a family reunion, and there was a "family magazine" where relatives were listed, along with their birthdate, marriage date, and then the birthdates of their children etc.

My dear cousin Mary (6 years old, mathematically smart, has a 1-year-old little brother who was born 2 months premature) was reading the magazine. She then asked our great-uncle, a very respectable 70-year-old reverend, "Uncle Tim, did Uncle John (Tim's son, about 45 years old) have to stay in the hospital glass bassinet very long when he was born?" Tim was naturally very puzzled as to why Mary would ask this. "You see, it seems that John was born only 6 months after you and Aunt Matilda got married, so he must've been far too small to come home straight from the hospital? Right?"
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Nora on September 06, 2010, 04:13:01 AM
My dear cousin Mary (6 years old, mathematically smart, has a 1-year-old little brother who was born 2 months premature) was reading the magazine. She then asked our great-uncle, a very respectable 70-year-old reverend, "Uncle Tim, did Uncle John (Tim's son, about 45 years old) have to stay in the hospital glass bassinet very long when he was born?" Tim was naturally very puzzled as to why Mary would ask this. "You see, it seems that John was born only 6 months after you and Aunt Matilda got married, so he must've been far too small to come home straight from the hospital? Right?"

Ouch! Baby-bazinga!  :P

We got the question when we married after a 3 month engagement. Baby came almost 2 years after the wedding, though. Turns out we just don't like long engagements or big weddings. Even though I'm born "out of wedlock" my son was not, and I would not have cared if he was. What nonsense.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Rosgrana on September 06, 2010, 12:55:42 PM
Long ago, my Grandmother overheard the following conversation on a bus, and had to get off and walk two miles home just so she could laugh.

Woman 1: Did I tell you, our Jenny's getting married soon?
Woman 2: Oh, that's nice! When's the baby due?
Woman 1: Baby? What baby? There's no baby!
Woman 2: Ohhhh! She's not pregnant? That's posh!
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Kimblee on September 06, 2010, 01:37:03 PM
leila was born 9 days after our first anniversary, and I got the "honeymoon baby" thing too. I had to laugh when a woman at my church said "Well honey all I know is that the first baby can come at any time after the wedding. The second baby waits at least 9 months though..."  ::)

 ???

I don't get it.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Kimblee on September 06, 2010, 01:43:24 PM
While I find the idea of a "honeymoon baby" sweet and charming, if people are using it as a way to express disapproval, they should just keep their mouths shut.

I planned a wedding while pregnant - a wedding that would have taken place two months before my daughter was born, had my fiance not backed out. My child was born while I was unmarried and I remained unmarried for a number of years. She grew up and had a baby before having a wedding also (the baby will be 2 on 9/10 and their first anniversary is two days later). I know I was judged for having a baby "out of wedlock", and I'm sure some people judge me because my daughter grew up to do the same thing, undoubtedly as a result of poor parenting on my part. Those people are welcome to their views, as long as they keep them to themselves.

My cousin was supposed to get married when she was six months pregnant, just a JP thing with some cake afterwards. But a month before the wedding her DF got an offer to work six weeks... but it would make it impossible to attend his own wedding. So Cousin put it off and they decided to do it after the baby was born. But Cousin was a bit disappointed that her second baby would also be born out of wedlock. (She was preggy with #2)

The weekend before she was due, her hubby convinced her to try on her wedding dress (a blue and pink maternity dress. nothing poofy) since she wouldn't fit it when the baby came, and go out to a nice dinner.... and took her to the JP where he had gathered their guests (abot fifteen people) and he married her.

Cousin called to tell me and couldn't stop crying. I hope it was good tears, but she's a really weepy pregnant lady so its debatable. But anyone who would look down on her for getting married while "heavy with child" I'd like to slug.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: kareng57 on September 06, 2010, 01:45:28 PM
OK, I admit that I had some friends announce they were 4 weeks pregnant less than 2 weeks after the wedding, and I did the math in my head.  :-\ HOWEVER, the only thing I said was, "Congratulations!"

Actually (not that it matters) they could have conceived on the wedding night. :)  The way it works - they start counting the weeks after the date of your last period, even though you weren't pregnant at all for the first two weeks.  So even if you do the test the day after conception - and it's positive - you are "two weeks" pregnant rather than "one day" pregnant.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Deetee on September 06, 2010, 01:50:39 PM
This thread is reminding me to watch myself! I've been excited over my friends' announced pregnancy, and they are definitely having a honeymoon baby (which I would consider any pregnancy really early in the marriage). I didn't realize that some people would object to the term.

Me too, I think it's a sweet term an would apply to any child born in the first year.

But then I was raised with no stigma associated with that. Which is good because plenty of my relatives and friends had babies before they got married. (In one case, the youngest was 15 before the parents decided to get married).

I'm Canadian, so health insurance/financial reasons tend not to make people get married. My husband and I were together 13 years before we got married.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: kareng57 on September 06, 2010, 08:28:39 PM
This thread is reminding me to watch myself! I've been excited over my friends' announced pregnancy, and they are definitely having a honeymoon baby (which I would consider any pregnancy really early in the marriage). I didn't realize that some people would object to the term.

Me too, I think it's a sweet term an would apply to any child born in the first year.

But then I was raised with no stigma associated with that. Which is good because plenty of my relatives and friends had babies before they got married. (In one case, the youngest was 15 before the parents decided to get married).

I'm Canadian, so health insurance/financial reasons tend not to make people get married. My husband and I were together 13 years before we got married.


I too am Canadian and while I've never heard the term "honeymoon baby" used a lot, I don't think that it's derogatory.  I do agree that health care here is universal; pre- or post-natal care is not dependent on whether the parents are married.

However - in just about every Western-world country during the 1950s or 1960s - there were plenty of 8 or 9 pound "premature" babies in most hospitals.  The hospital staff probably just kept rolling their eyes (to each other, not the parents or their parents).
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Darcy on September 06, 2010, 08:39:47 PM
Once, when I was about 12 or 13, I started counting on my fingers (in front of my mom!) to calculate when a friend's baby had been conceived.  But I didn't do it out of wondering whether it was a honeymoon baby or conceived pre-marriage: I was trying to remember when the couple had gotten married!  Mom had told me that the bride had wanted to have children fairly quickly, so in my young mind I thought counting backwards from the due date would pinpoint their wedding date. :-[ My bad.

On the other side of things, I discovered my grandparents' wedding was a shotgun wedding, and that my uncle was born six-seven months after they got married.  But I always thought that story (my grandfather was the 1930s equivalent of a bad boy, and my uncle was conceived on the haystack in the barn out back) was pretty cute. ;D
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Tierrainney on September 06, 2010, 10:40:48 PM
leila was born 9 days after our first anniversary, and I got the "honeymoon baby" thing too. I had to laugh when a woman at my church said "Well honey all I know is that the first baby can come at any time after the wedding. The second baby waits at least 9 months though..."  ::)

 ???

I don't get it.

I first heard this when I was young enough to take it literally.  I.e., there was something special about the first baby that it didn't take 9 months to mature.  Whereas all subsequent babies did take 9 months.

Reality is they were pregnant before the wedding, so the baby didn't take 9 months post wedding, but would occur any time. 
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Minmom3 on September 07, 2010, 09:29:43 PM
leila was born 9 days after our first anniversary, and I got the "honeymoon baby" thing too. I had to laugh when a woman at my church said "Well honey all I know is that the first baby can come at any time after the wedding. The second baby waits at least 9 months though..."  ::)

 ???

I don't get it.

'Traditionally', if a woman was pregnant at her wedding, but NOT admitting to such, when the baby came, it was said to be early....Possibly quite large for an early baby, but, an early baby!!!  Even though, in point of fact, it might have been born on it's due date.  The 2nd baby, however, didn't have to have a fudged 'conception' date, so it took its full 9 months sweet time, unless it really did come early.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Sophia on September 08, 2010, 03:19:05 PM
I think the term Honeymoon Baby is sort of sweet.  Having sex is, after all, what you are supposed to be doing on the honeymoon.  If the couple is open to the idea of having a child, then a honeymoon baby is just a sign that all is well. 
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Paper Roses on September 08, 2010, 07:26:53 PM
I think the term Honeymoon Baby is sort of sweet.  Having sex is, after all, what you are supposed to be doing on the honeymoon.  If the couple is open to the idea of having a child, then a honeymoon baby is just a sign that all is well. 

Exactly - which is why I didn't understand when, at work I said something about possibly being pregnant shortly after we got back from our honeymoon, and the person I said it to smirked and said, "Oh, honeymoon baby?"  as if it was some kind of stigma.  (Just for the record, that was the first time I'd ever even heard that term, not that it makes a difference).  She was totally taken aback by my response, which was, "Are you kidding?  I'd be THRILLED!"
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Kendo_Bunny on September 08, 2010, 08:54:56 PM
Usually when I've heard the term honeymoon baby, it hasn't been a wink wink nudge nudge sort of thing. Just a 'Wow, you guys must've had a great time'.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: susku on September 09, 2010, 02:23:55 AM
I have to say that I'm not offended by the honeymoon baby thing. DD isn't quite, but like I said before, she was born a day before our first anniversary, so close. What I thought was really odd was the comment 'you guys were looked so in love, we knew you'd have a baby soon.' It was really odd. I can't really put my finger on why, but it just felt weird.


'Traditionally', if a woman was pregnant at her wedding, but NOT admitting to such, when the baby came, it was said to be early....Possibly quite large for an early baby, but, an early baby!!!  Even though, in point of fact, it might have been born on it's due date.  The 2nd baby, however, didn't have to have a fudged 'conception' date, so it took its full 9 months sweet time, unless it really did come early.

I know I've told this before, but my Great Grandmother maintained until her death that my grandmother was born five months early. I feel so sorry for her that even in her nineties when she was very ill, she had to pretend. She made my mother (she was my dad's grandmother) swear she believed the premature story. Poor lady.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Twik on September 10, 2010, 11:33:11 AM
What I thought was really odd was the comment 'you guys were looked so in love, we knew you'd have a baby soon.' It was really odd. I can't really put my finger on why, but it just felt weird.


I think the weirdness is that there's the implication that they could look at you and just tell that you and your husband were scrabbling like rabbits. That would make anyone feel weird.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Paper Roses on September 10, 2010, 03:34:01 PM
What I thought was really odd was the comment 'you guys were looked so in love, we knew you'd have a baby soon.' It was really odd. I can't really put my finger on why, but it just felt weird.


I think the weirdness is that there's the implication that they could look at you and just tell that you and your husband were scrabbling like rabbits. That would make anyone feel weird.

I thought it was more like, "Well, unless you have children, you're not really in love."  But I think Twik's interpretation makes more sense.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: jassou on September 27, 2010, 09:23:12 AM
I'm resurrecting this thread because the cat's out the bag, we passed the first trimester and my parents (with our permission) have start spreading our pregnancy news in the extended family. We got married less three months ago. Yes, it's literally a honeymoon baby. Earlier in the thread I said I didn't care who said what on the subject, because we're trilled and took a long time to conceive. It just happened straight after getting married, go figure.

And I'm annoyed at all the comments!! I never thought I would be, but there it is, and I have changed my opinion 180 degrees. I'm not insulted  by the assumption that I was pregnant before our wedding, so we must have been naughty (who am I kidding, we've been a cohabitating, commited couple for eight years), but I am insulted by the assumption that of course I'd get pregnant after the wedding, because we only got married in order to have children in the first place. This assumption, so out of left field and which I totally didn't anticipate, hurts; it cheapens our marriage!

I'll just go and sulk in a corner now.  :-[

Forgot to add: Does anyone have a good comeback that's not rude or defensive? I'd hate to perpetuate the assumption the only reason for our marriage was procreation, without going into detail of our reproductive history....


Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Jaelle on September 27, 2010, 11:19:29 AM
I don't think I'd use a comeback at all, just a kind of "You really just said that? Huh" smile.

***
To me, it's the "get-married-just-to-procreate" thing that gets insulting, not the "honeymoon baby" title. My parents were married 42 years ago at ages 19 and 21. Mom is still a bit smug that while people were expecting a baby less than nine months later (and told her so!), I was born four years later. :)

Yeah, because the only reason they'd get married is because she was pregnant ... not because they were in love.  ::) Insulting.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: TheaterDiva1 on September 27, 2010, 11:33:08 AM
Tell them you were looking for 2010 but took a wrong turn in the DeLorean and wound up in 1955 by mistake.

Okay, Evil TheaterDiva's going back in the dungeon where she belongs... Seriously, if they ask, play dumb: "Huh?  What do you mean?  Why would I want to do that?"
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: supernova on September 28, 2010, 01:24:27 PM
leila was born 9 days after our first anniversary, and I got the "honeymoon baby" thing too. I had to laugh when a woman at my church said "Well honey all I know is that the first baby can come at any time after the wedding. The second baby waits at least 9 months though..."  ::)

 ???

I don't get it.

'Traditionally', if a woman was pregnant at her wedding, but NOT admitting to such, when the baby came, it was said to be early....Possibly quite large for an early baby, but, an early baby!!!  Even though, in point of fact, it might have been born on it's due date.  The 2nd baby, however, didn't have to have a fudged 'conception' date, so it took its full 9 months sweet time, unless it really did come early.

An ages-old quote, often used or paraphrased by even such great authors as the late R.A. Heinlein:

"It is well known that an eager bride can accomplish in seven months or less what takes cow or countess nine."

In other words, it was incumbent upon polite society to assume that a newlywed couple's first baby could very easily be born early, and that to speculate, finger-count, or gossip about it was unspeakably rude.

It's a polite social fiction, along the lines of "Horses sweat, men perspire, ladies glow."  Of course women sweat!  But pointing it out is rude. 
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Marbles on October 03, 2010, 12:06:45 AM
OK, I admit that I had some friends announce they were 4 weeks pregnant less than 2 weeks after the wedding, and I did the math in my head.  :-\ HOWEVER, the only thing I said was, "Congratulations!"
Strictly speaking, the first two weeks of a pregnancy are the weeks before that woman ovulates (doctors have to pick a date to measure by, so they have selected the first day of the last menstrual cycle to measure from.) A woman isn't actually carrying the baby until roughly the beginning of week 3.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Twik on October 10, 2010, 06:33:22 PM
On the opposite side, I recall reading that in Puritan society it was an absolute belief that pregnancy took nine months, never less, so preemies resulted in great social scandal. I suspect many couples were privately counselled to wait a couple of months for consummation.
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Darcy on October 11, 2010, 02:57:14 AM
On the opposite side, I recall reading that in Puritan society it was an absolute belief that pregnancy took nine months, never less, so preemies resulted in great social scandal. I suspect many couples were privately counselled to wait a couple of months for consummation.

I think they would also harass and shout at a woman during the birth if the father was unknown, to try to get a name from her. :-\
Title: Re: Pregnancy Related...
Post by: Sophia on October 11, 2010, 10:22:37 AM
I thought that wasn't so much morality, but a desire to have someone other than society pay for the child.