Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Dating => Topic started by: kdbug on July 20, 2010, 02:47:05 PM

Title: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: kdbug on July 20, 2010, 02:47:05 PM
I have a friend of a friend, Adam, that is interested in me and trying quiet hard to make us an item. At first I was interested in him as well, but now Iím not so sure.

A couple of weeks ago Adam came over to my house for dinner. Everything went really well and we were both really enjoying each otherís company. The problem happened when he went to leave. As he was backing out of my driveway he thought that he ran over my cat. Then, instead of stopping to see, he just sent a text that said-

ďI think I ran over the cat. Sorry.Ē

He sent this text before he ever even made it to the stop sign on my street. Thank goodness he hadnít actually run over my cat, but that really isnít the point. I just think that it shows a lack in character for someone to just send a text with that sort of information, espesially when they are still on your street, and they KNOW that your home.

  I was told to give him a pass because he was probably just nervous and didnít want to upset me. But I donít think a pass is deserved in this situation at all. What do guys think?
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Hanna on July 20, 2010, 02:48:13 PM
No way.  No pass.

Are you sure he was serious?
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Judah on July 20, 2010, 02:50:36 PM
Nope, no pass.  Whether he really thought he'd run over  your cat or it was his idea of a joke, it's an awful thing to text to someone.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: magicdomino on July 20, 2010, 02:51:06 PM
Coward.  I understand nervous, and I'm sure it would have been tempting to keep on going, but he is a coward.  Plus, if he had stopped and returned, he would have found out that he hadn't hit the cat after all.  

Unless it was a sick joke.  In which case, he is an insensitive jerk.  Either way, no pass.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on July 20, 2010, 02:52:09 PM
No pass.  That's awful.  That seems so callous, like he was afraid to face you and chickened out by sending a text.

Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: BuffaloFang on July 20, 2010, 02:52:13 PM
No pass...I can't imagine ever forgiving someone for this; even though he didn't actually run over your cat.  The fact that he didn't even get out to check if he had run over your dear animal companion when he thought he did speaks volumes to me.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: sisbam on July 20, 2010, 02:52:22 PM
Sure, I'd give him a pass - a pass on d@ting. Maybe friendship, too. Fail...  ::) :( >:(

Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Bexx27 on July 20, 2010, 02:54:04 PM
Total dealbreaker. Disgusting.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Wavicle on July 20, 2010, 02:54:41 PM
No pass unless he comes to you groveling for forgiveness admitting that he was so terribly upset he lost his head and couldn't think reasonably. If he just didn't think it was a big deal or if he was afraid rather than completely mentally unwound at the idea of killing a persons pet I think that demonstrates a lack of sympathy for you as a pet owner and for the cat as a living creature.

I would think it was worse if he wasn't serious. I could almost understand someone freaking out that they killed their friend's cat and being too ashamed to knock on the door. Someone sending that as a joke has no excuse for scaring the crap out of the cat owner though.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: miredrose326 on July 20, 2010, 02:57:01 PM
Nope, no way, not a chance.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: wolfie on July 20, 2010, 03:01:36 PM
If he really did think he ran over your cat he should have gotten out of the car and checked. If he did then you could have gotten medical help immediately  - or if it was too late for that he could have helped smooth over the discovery, if he didn't then he wouldn't have needed to send the text. No pass.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: kdbug on July 20, 2010, 03:05:56 PM
Oh no. He wasn't kidding, he really did think he ran over my cat. The worst part (in my eyes) is that we were talking about my DD's kitten at dinner that night. The kitten had been stolen and I told him "I know it sounds awful, but I'm glad it wasn't (my cat) because I would have been heart broken."

So, he knew my cat means a lot to me. I didn't bother to respond to the text that night but the next time I saw him I confronted him about it.  I told him that he really changed my opinion of him and he acted sort of remorseful. He has asked me out a few more times and I have honestly been busy, but I'm not really sure that I even want to make the effort.

Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: hobish on July 20, 2010, 03:08:35 PM

Oh Ö no. No no no. No pass. Thatís pretty bad. Yeah, of course he was nervous; he should have been nervous. He also should have at least stopped! And by text he said that? Oh, no. Sorry, thatís cruel.

If he really did think he ran over your cat he should have gotten out of the car and checked. If he did then you could have gotten medical help immediately  - or if it was too late for that he could have helped smooth over the discovery, if he didn't then he wouldn't have needed to send the text. No pass.

Exactly.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: sisbam on July 20, 2010, 03:10:28 PM
He has asked me out a few more times and I have honestly been busy, but I'm not really sure that I even want to make the effort.

Like I said, give him a pass... ::)

I'm glad he had the decency to look remorseful at the very least.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: NamŠriŽ on July 20, 2010, 03:10:39 PM
Sure, I'd give him a pass - a pass on d@ting. Maybe friendship, too. Fail...  ::) :( >:(



Agreed.

Total empathy fail. Sort of remorseful? Not enough.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Ondine on July 20, 2010, 03:11:08 PM
No pass at all - that's low. if he did run over the cat, he should have checked, and it would have been an accident. Texting you as he flees the scene/ Not cool.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: CaliforniaDreamer on July 20, 2010, 03:30:36 PM
Whoever told you to give him a pass is . . . well  . . . whatevever.  Obviously, they guy gets no pass on this issue.  He wouldn't be friendship material, let alone boyfriend material.

Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Hushabye on July 20, 2010, 03:45:57 PM
I'd pass him right off into someone else's hands.

A friend's brother was taking his girlfriend, who lived around the curve from us, home one night when I was in college and home for the holidays.  Our elderly dog, who was going both deaf and blind, was in the road; he tried to swerve but couldn't, and he hit her.  He didn't know it was our house, but he still stopped, came to the door, told my dad what had happened, and we were able to take her to the vet.  In this case, it wouldn't have made much of a difference in the end whether he had stopped then or come back after he got to his girlfriend's house, but I thought much more highly of him for stopping.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: EMuir on July 20, 2010, 05:03:22 PM
You don't need a coward for a boyfriend.  What if he had hit your cat and promptly taking it to the vet would have meant the difference between it living or dying? 
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Granny Takes a Trip on July 20, 2010, 05:25:45 PM
You don't need a coward for a boyfriend.  What if he had hit your cat and promptly taking it to the vet would have meant the difference between it living or dying? 

POD. What a callous loon. The good part is that you found this out before you decided you liked him, and made any emotional or time investment in him.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Amava on July 20, 2010, 05:40:02 PM
I don't think I would ever want to see that "man" again.  >:( :-X

kdbug I am really glad your cat is okay.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: missmolly on July 20, 2010, 05:41:24 PM
You don't need a coward for a boyfriend.  What if he had hit your cat and promptly taking it to the vet would have meant the difference between it living or dying? 

POD. What a callous loon. The good part is that you found this out before you decided you liked him, and made any emotional or time investment in him.

Consider it a bullet dodged. You don't need a guy like this in your life.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: NOVA Lady on July 20, 2010, 05:49:08 PM
Agree with all PPs...absolutely no pass. The things this would indicate to me about his character would be something I could never deal with. He would rather send that text and and have you stress out and worry than to take 2 minutes to stop, get out of the car and actually look! What a louse. A coward.... there is no way he would remain even a friend.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: evely28 on July 20, 2010, 05:50:37 PM
"When people show you who they are, believe them."
                                                          
                          
                                                         Oprah
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: MrsJWine on July 20, 2010, 05:52:44 PM
A person who thinks he might have run over a friend's beloved pet and doesn't even stop to check is some kind of messed up.  That is very, very telling.  And sending a text message instead of going back to the door is beyond appalling.  It's a small incident, but a big message.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: zyrs on July 21, 2010, 12:23:03 AM
  If when you confronted him about it he had stated:

"I'm so sorry, I lost my head and totally freaked out and what I did was inexcusable and I feel like such a jerk." 

Well then maybe you give him sort of a pass, kind of wait and see - but you stated he was "kind of" sorry when you confronted him about it.  He's a jerk, don't give him a pass.

And - I'm happy he didn't hurt your cat.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: FoxPaws on July 21, 2010, 12:45:50 AM
Okay. This is how the guy behaves during the all important "first impressions" period. Do you really want to hang around and see what else he doesn't think merits more than a text and "sort of remorseful" down the line?
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: cicero on July 21, 2010, 05:35:40 AM
no pass. at all.

and i am curious - who said you should give him a pass? and why?

I told him that he really changed my opinion of him and he acted sort of remorseful. He has asked me out a few more times and I have honestly been busy, but I'm not really sure that I even want to make the effort.


he *isn't* sorry about what he did. he's only sorry that he "got caught". this is a person who will always be irresponsible, always blaming others. please don't make the effort - you are worth so much more.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Waltraud on July 21, 2010, 05:43:14 AM
I haven't anything to add, but one thing bothers me: Did he actually run over a cat, just not your cat? Please tell me that no pet got hurt in this episode! IMO it's just as bad if he had run over someone else's beloved pet and just left it there.

What a heartless idiot!

Waltraud

Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: ebelie on July 21, 2010, 06:28:50 AM
You can do better!

And I'm very glad your cat is okay.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: JonGirl on July 21, 2010, 06:59:09 AM


I'm glad your cat is ok.
What a mean and horrible thing to do. Be done with him, I would.
 >:(
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Miss March on July 21, 2010, 09:42:45 AM
Help! I am with Waltraud! If he didn't hit your cat, did he injure a neighbor's cat?

Were I in your shoes, no I would not give a pass. If he can't be bothered to stop and check if he just injured an animal that he knows you care about, then that's a red flag. And if he didn't have the decency to be super apologetic and openly remorseful when you spoke to him about this? Second red flag. To me- he wasted his second chance right there.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Amava on July 21, 2010, 09:53:51 AM
I haven't anything to add, but one thing bothers me: Did he actually run over a cat, just not your cat? Please tell me that no pet got hurt in this episode! IMO it's just as bad if he had run over someone else's beloved pet and just left it there.

What a heartless idiot!

Waltraud
:o I had not even thought of that!!
I had (interestingly) assumed that, upon getting the text, the OP had ran outside and checked for a runover cat. It hadn't occurred to me that maybe she had looked at her own cat, and seen it was fine... Oh I really hope he didn't hit any pets at all!  :o :o

(Still mumbling "the jerk" under my breath)
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Lisbeth on July 21, 2010, 10:00:27 AM
He displayed a very callous attitude over the possibility that he might have hit someone's cat, whether or not it was yours.

"Sorry" texted doesn't cut it.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: DangerMouth on July 21, 2010, 10:08:27 AM
No Pass.

And frankly, that's just bizzare. I'm glad your cat is OK, but seriously, who thinks that a message like that is ever the way to go? If I (even thought I) accidently ran over someone's pet, I'd be right there, right then, sobbing and apologizing.

I mean, that's just weird. The level of non-empathy that demonstrates is a dealbreaker, for me. I don't even care if he was embarrassed or whatever.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Winterlight on July 21, 2010, 10:22:15 AM
No pass...I can't imagine ever forgiving someone for this; even though he didn't actually run over your cat.  The fact that he didn't even get out to check if he had run over your dear animal companion when he thought he did speaks volumes to me.

Exactly. What a jerk. I'd lose his number.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: miranova on July 21, 2010, 12:09:35 PM
no pass. at all.

and i am curious - who said you should give him a pass? and why?

I told him that he really changed my opinion of him and he acted sort of remorseful. He has asked me out a few more times and I have honestly been busy, but I'm not really sure that I even want to make the effort.


he *isn't* sorry about what he did. he's only sorry that he "got caught". this is a person who will always be irresponsible, always blaming others. please don't make the effort - you are worth so much more.

Exactly.  He is showing you how he will behave in a tough situation.  He failed.  I don't care how nervous he is or how afraid he is that he would upset you.  Those are selfish, cowardly reasons not to get out and do the right thing. 
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on July 21, 2010, 12:25:55 PM
Another way to look at it is that this is the kind of situation presented in movies and sitcoms to indicate what a complete loser someone is.  In other words, this kind of behavior is so out there that it acts as dramatic short hand to let the audience know to dislike the character who does this.

He has made a point as quickly and as clearly as he can: stay away from me.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: kdbug on July 21, 2010, 03:19:37 PM
Waltraud-

No cats were actually injured in this occurrence.  ;D I'm sorry that I left you wondering about that.

 What happened was my cat had gotten outside when he left my house. The neighbors cat was also outside and the two kitty's do not get along. (Both are males) The cats began screeching at each other and while he was backing out of my driveway he rolled his window down just in time to hear one of the cats screech. He thought it was my cat screeching because he had backed over it. I saw all of this happen from my porch because I had been watching the cat. I knew right away that my cat was fine. I went and got him and brought him back inside.

Adam sent the text while he was still on my road. I know that he was still on my road because I was still outside when the text came through.

The person that is telling me to give him a pass is his brother. He just told me that he knew Adam was really nervous around me anyway because he likes me and that he probably just freaked out. I think those of you that have said he is a coward are right on the dot. Nervous or not you just don't do that to someone.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: LEMon on July 21, 2010, 03:38:52 PM
Relatives are not very objective folks when it comes to their kin's emotional relationships.  In other words, bro is biased.  Of course he wants his brother to get what he thinks will make him happy and is more than willing to see reasons to excuse bro's behavior.

For you it is a question of wether to invest emotionally.  Bro's text killed any desire to open up emotionally to him in me.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Viscountess on July 22, 2010, 12:27:07 AM
No pass.

It was a pretty callous thing to just text you that he might have hit your cat.  If this is how he reacted to injuring or possibly killing an animal, then there's a flashing neon sign above his head that reads "stay away." 
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: jadeosan on July 22, 2010, 12:57:47 AM
He hs given you a direct line into his character.  Nervous or not, when you do something like think you have run over a cat - especially a cat that belongs to the woman you are interested in - you man up and face the music.  What a coward, its especially henious because he did not try to help.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Amava on July 22, 2010, 02:01:09 AM
No cats were actually injured in this occurrence. 
Thank goodness!
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Aeris on July 22, 2010, 04:03:13 AM
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!!

No pass, that's disgusting. Someone else hit the nail on the head - non-empathy to the nth degree. You don't need that junk in your life.

I am *really* curious what his response was when you confronted him though.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Honeypickle on July 22, 2010, 06:58:03 AM
I wouldn't even be interested in being friends with this guy, let alone dating him. I have zero sense of humour about hurting or even potentially hurting animals. At best, he is just extremely gauche and immature - but even in that case, do you want someone like that as a friend?!

I am very sorry to hear that your DD's kitten was stolen - any news on that? Very glad to hear your cat is okay though.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: LifeOnPluto on July 22, 2010, 07:22:51 AM
I am trying very, very hard to understand just what was going on inside his head.

I once read somewhere that until the mid-20th century, lots of people viewed cats as vermin. They saw cats as being just like rats, except only larger with fluffier tails. Maybe Adam was raised in an "old-skool" household like this? Maybe his parents taught him that cats were just low, dumb creatures? Maybe he never had a pet and hence, can't relate to people who love cats? Maybe he honestly thought that killing a cat is like swatting a fly? Maybe his thought process went something like "Oh darn, what's that noise? Sounds like that stupid cat! Ah nuts, I might have squashed the thing. Should I stop? Nah, it's late and I'm so tired, I've got to get up super-early for work tomorrow. If it is the cat, she'll just go mental on me, and there'll be a huge scene. I'll be stuck here for ages. Too bad if it was the cat, but hey, she can always get another one."

Hmm. Nope. Try as I might, I just can't give him the benefit of the doubt. Kick him to the kerb! 
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: kdbug on July 22, 2010, 10:30:44 AM
That is exactly what his responce to me confronting him was! He was "sorry" that I was upset with him but the way he was raised it wasn't a big deal because a cat was a cat and blah blah blah. Jerk.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: sisbam on July 22, 2010, 10:39:03 AM
That is exactly what his responce to me confronting him was! He was "sorry" that I was upset with him but the way he was raised it wasn't a big deal because a cat was a cat and blah blah blah. Jerk.

After you had just told him how devastated you would be had your cat gone missing?

So... he's callous and amazingly unobservant...


Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: BuffaloFang on July 22, 2010, 10:40:00 AM
Which would also explain why his brother is saying to give him a pass.  He was probably raised with the same mentality.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Aeris on July 22, 2010, 10:42:31 AM
That is exactly what his responce to me confronting him was! He was "sorry" that I was upset with him but the way he was raised it wasn't a big deal because a cat was a cat and blah blah blah. Jerk.

Wow. Just....wow.

Okay, fine, a cat's not a big deal to HIM - but...but....it's called empathy, people. It's called, being able to see something from someone else's perspective. It's called, not being a sociopath.

Dude.

Just imagine, for one brief instant, how it would be the first time something happened that really upset you, but that wouldn't upset him occurred - just think how unfeeling, uncaring, and unsympathic he would be, just because HE wouldn't feel that way in your shoes.

Ugh. Nuclear missile dodged.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Waltraud on July 22, 2010, 10:44:44 AM
No hurt kitties? Really? Whew.

BTW, to get a different perspective I discussed this thread with my BF, who really dislikes cats and is definitely closer to the mindset of "it's just a cat" than "my beloved furbaby". (Which is fine by me since I like cats myself but don't want to serve them every day ;))

BF agreed that it was at the very least a cowardly thing to do. Even if somebody considers cats (budgies, rats, ferrets...) vermin, it does not take THAT much empathy to imagine that other people might be emotionally attached to the animal in question.

Furthermore, if he had hit your garbage bin and strewn the contents all over your driveway, would he have reacted in the same way, by texting: " You've garbage all over your yard now. Sorry."?

No, even somebody completely indifferent towards animals (I'm sure there are many perfectly decent people of that sort out there) should be able to draw the connection: Make a mistake - own up to it and try to minimize damage.

Waltraud
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: NamŠriŽ on July 22, 2010, 10:54:21 AM
That is exactly what his responce to me confronting him was! He was "sorry" that I was upset with him but the way he was raised it wasn't a big deal because a cat was a cat and blah blah blah. Jerk.

Wow. Just....wow.

Okay, fine, a cat's not a big deal to HIM - but...but....it's called empathy, people. It's called, being able to see something from someone else's perspective. It's called, not being a sociopath.

Dude.

Just imagine, for one brief instant, how it would be the first time something happened that really upset you, but that wouldn't upset him occurred - just think how unfeeling, uncaring, and unsympathic he would be, just because HE wouldn't feel that way in your shoes.

Ugh. Nuclear missile dodged.

I agree.  :-\

This site makes me believe more and more about the statistic I saw a while back and thought was not realistic: that 10% of people are not able to feel empathy. :(
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Gyburc on July 23, 2010, 04:46:53 AM
Just chiming in here - I wouldn't give him a pass for this either. A lack of empathy is a real turn-off as far as I'm concerned.

Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on July 23, 2010, 10:09:00 AM

Furthermore, if he had hit your garbage bin and strewn the contents all over your driveway, would he have reacted in the same way, by texting: " You've garbage all over your yard now. Sorry."?

No, even somebody completely indifferent towards animals (I'm sure there are many perfectly decent people of that sort out there) should be able to draw the connection: Make a mistake - own up to it and try to minimize damage.

Waltraud

Excellent point.  He thought he caused you at the very least a great inconvenience.  And his response was to run, and notify you in writing where he could dodge your emotional response.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: blue2000 on July 23, 2010, 10:14:42 AM
That is exactly what his responce to me confronting him was! He was "sorry" that I was upset with him but the way he was raised it wasn't a big deal because a cat was a cat and blah blah blah. Jerk.

So he almost destroyed something precious to you, and all he can say is that HE didn't think much of it?? ICK.

I was all for giving him a pass for casual friendship - some people really aren't good in emergencies. But not after this. This statement says less about his nerves and more about his priorities - and your feelings are not on that list. Major fail!!!
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on July 23, 2010, 10:25:01 AM
Gigantic POD to this. 
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Amava on July 23, 2010, 10:30:08 AM
That is exactly what his responce to me confronting him was! He was "sorry" that I was upset with him but the way he was raised it wasn't a big deal because a cat was a cat and blah blah blah. Jerk.

"And the way *I* was raised, people who don't respect me and my pets aren't the ones to hang out with. Now get out of my house/get off my phone and don't come/call back. Ever!"
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: MightyMouse on July 23, 2010, 10:42:43 AM
No pass for him.  If anyone showed such a cavalier attitude about possibly injuring or killing my cats, I would never want to be around them, especially if they knew how much the cats mean to me. 
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Danismom on July 23, 2010, 12:14:09 PM
sometimes text messages arrive immediately.  Sometimes they take a while (sometimes even hours) to arrive.  His cowardice could have been the difference between a quick visit to the vet and cat being okay and cat dying for lack of care.  No pass.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Queen of Clubs on July 23, 2010, 03:15:39 PM
No pass for him.  If anyone showed such a cavalier attitude about possibly injuring or killing my cats, I would never want to be around them, especially if they knew how much the cats mean to me. 

Agreed, to the nth degree!  As others have said, if he had hit your cat, him letting you know right then and there might have made a difference in whether your cat lived or died.

You don't need someone who's so uncaring for your feelings in your life.  Whether he likes cats or not, sees them as worthless or not, he knows you care deeply for your cat and your feelings were totally unimportant to him.  What a cad.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: penguinpants on August 03, 2010, 07:22:16 AM
I think I need to shower after reading about this man.  Seriously, there are animals that set off my "ick" factor (cats are not one of them) -- I loathe them, I don't like looking at them, I refuse to touch them, I prefer not staying in houses where they're present, AND I'll be dead before they're allowed in my own home.  BUT other people love them, and other people make pets of them.  Our dear friend recently lost his beloved pet, and I didn't even think about how gross those kinds of pets are; I simply thought about our friend's pain and what a sweet and good person he was to be so devoted to his pets. 

This situation is less about how dorkboy feels about a particular type of animal than about how he feels he needs to treat other people. 
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Jocelyn on August 11, 2010, 10:43:39 PM
That is exactly what his responce to me confronting him was! He was "sorry" that I was upset with him but the way he was raised it wasn't a big deal because a cat was a cat and blah blah blah. Jerk.
He served you notice: when his perspective and yours clash, he will drive right over your perspective. Your emotional needs are insignificant compared to his.
This is the sort of guy who drops his pregnant wife off at the ER and goes to keep his golf date. After all, women are in labor for hours, he can go play golf and get back in plenty of time before the baby's born....
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: blue2000 on August 12, 2010, 07:01:28 AM
That is exactly what his responce to me confronting him was! He was "sorry" that I was upset with him but the way he was raised it wasn't a big deal because a cat was a cat and blah blah blah. Jerk.
He served you notice: when his perspective and yours clash, he will drive right over your perspective. Your emotional needs are insignificant compared to his.
This is the sort of guy who drops his pregnant wife off at the ER and goes to keep his golf date. After all, women are in labor for hours, he can go play golf and get back in plenty of time before the baby's born....

...people do this in real life??

In a word - yes. Absolutely.

Finish the paperwork, the golf date with that important client, the emails for that new project, etc, etc. Some companies actually expect you to do this, and some people just consider it a waste of time to sit and wait for their kid to be born.

[massive sarcasm] Because, you know, it isn't a once-in-a-lifetime event or anything. The kid will be around for years. They can afford to miss a few (thousand) minutes of the kid's life. ::) [/massive sarcasm]
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Jocelyn on August 12, 2010, 09:22:16 AM
Well, I was referring to a man who'd do it voluntarily (not because his employer was hassling him). But yes, there are men who figure 'she'll be in labor for 12 hours or more, why should I be sitting in the hospital when there's plenty of time for me to keep with my plans for the day. It's not as if my being there will make her have the baby faster.'
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: blue2000 on August 12, 2010, 04:50:19 PM
The people I know don't necessarily have a problem with their employer - they have a problem with themselves. The employer just feeds that problem.

One person I know had surgery and was answering work e-mails in the recovery room on his Blackberry. His boss did not want him to. He was heavily drugged and apparently not making a lot of sense. But he just had to finish that last email.

I'd feel sorry for his wife, but she was the one who gave the Blackberry to him. ::)
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Kimblee on August 12, 2010, 05:35:43 PM
That is exactly what his responce to me confronting him was! He was "sorry" that I was upset with him but the way he was raised it wasn't a big deal because a cat was a cat and blah blah blah. Jerk.
He served you notice: when his perspective and yours clash, he will drive right over your perspective. Your emotional needs are insignificant compared to his.
This is the sort of guy who drops his pregnant wife off at the ER and goes to keep his golf date. After all, women are in labor for hours, he can go play golf and get back in plenty of time before the baby's born....

...people do this in real life??

Yup. My BFF in high school had a baby (at 16, HER BabyDaddy was there beside her) and the 34 y.o. SAHM sharing her labor room was lying on the bed, crying through every contraction and having major anxiety over her husband being off with his friends and whether he would be back in time. She had NO ONE.

BFF sent HER man over to rub the poor woman's back. (After inquiring whether the woman would like to make use of him. Appartently he was very willing to do so, but had been reluctant to ask the woman if she would like him to. You know, since he was indeed a 17 y.o. boy in a MickyDee uniform.) BFF still talks about how she felt so much pity for that woman, and so much rage at the husband.

BTW: The woman CALLED her husband and begged him to come because she was in active labor and my BFF could hear the man laughing at her over the phone.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Kimblee on August 12, 2010, 08:28:20 PM
That is exactly what his responce to me confronting him was! He was "sorry" that I was upset with him but the way he was raised it wasn't a big deal because a cat was a cat and blah blah blah. Jerk.
He served you notice: when his perspective and yours clash, he will drive right over your perspective. Your emotional needs are insignificant compared to his.
This is the sort of guy who drops his pregnant wife off at the ER and goes to keep his golf date. After all, women are in labor for hours, he can go play golf and get back in plenty of time before the baby's born....

...people do this in real life??

Yup. My BFF in high school had a baby (at 16, HER BabyDaddy was there beside her) and the 34 y.o. SAHM sharing her labor room was lying on the bed, crying through every contraction and having major anxiety over her husband being off with his friends and whether he would be back in time. She had NO ONE.

BFF sent HER man over to rub the poor woman's back. (After inquiring whether the woman would like to make use of him. Appartently he was very willing to do so, but had been reluctant to ask the woman if she would like him to. You know, since he was indeed a 17 y.o. boy in a MickyDee uniform.) BFF still talks about how she felt so much pity for that woman, and so much rage at the husband.

BTW: The woman CALLED her husband and begged him to come because she was in active labor and my BFF could hear the man laughing at her over the phone.

Kimblee that is horrible!  That poor woman.  Good for BFFs babydaddy though, he is a better person than the lady's husband.  That was very sweet of him to offer his support.

Yup, BFF BabyDaddy has been BFF Husband for about four years now, and she still says that his willingness to be "loaned" was part of what convinced her that she could make it work out.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Larrabee on August 15, 2010, 05:45:37 AM
I know I'm coming in late here, but I completely agree with the consensus.  No pass, no friendship, absolutely no respect for this person.  

I don't even particularly like cats, but when I hit one I was seriously shaken and pulled over straightaway, unfortunately nothing could be done for the poor thing but I got over my nerves and checked this very seriously mangled cat's collar for a phone number  as he was obviously cared for.  There was no address, no number, nothing I could do, and I drove off in tears that someone would be waiting for their cat to come home not knowing it wasn't going to happen.  

I can't imagine being able to be so blase about killing or hurting somebody's loved pet. 

Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Pandora on August 15, 2010, 03:03:19 PM
That is exactly what his responce to me confronting him was! He was "sorry" that I was upset with him but the way he was raised it wasn't a big deal because a cat was a cat and blah blah blah. Jerk.
He served you notice: when his perspective and yours clash, he will drive right over your perspective. Your emotional needs are insignificant compared to his.
This is the sort of guy who drops his pregnant wife off at the ER and goes to keep his golf date. After all, women are in labor for hours, he can go play golf and get back in plenty of time before the baby's born....

...people do this in real life??


 Well now I must confess my DH left me for about 3 hours to let the people who were already scheduled to put carpet down in the baby's room into the house. I went into labor a week earlier than expected. I encouraged him to go, heck I wanted that carpet!
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Calypso on August 15, 2010, 05:09:54 PM
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!!

No pass, that's disgusting. Someone else hit the nail on the head - non-empathy to the nth degree. You don't need that junk in your life.

I am *really* curious what his response was when you confronted him though.

*snarf* Gandalf for the win!

kdbug, I'm so relieved it was your brother (who, I will assume, is still a teen and rather clueless) and not a girlfriend giving you such terrible advice; I'd hate to think another woman would suggest that you deserve no better than a weak, cowardly, un-imaginative (because, even after you TOLD him how much your cat meant to you, he couldn't imagine anyone feeling differently than he did), callous and putrid excuse for a y-chromosomed being. I don't even know you and I KNOW you deserve much, much better.

And hearing about Kimblee's friend's BabyDaddy has made my day. Thank you. It just goes to show---it's not even "maturity" (so I shouldn't have made that assumption about kdbug's brother being a teen) -- it's character--BabyDaddy has it, in spades. Kdbug almost but NOT (i hope) boyfriend wouldn't know "character" if it ran over him and then sent him a text. :-X :P
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: kdbug on August 17, 2010, 03:12:16 PM
Calypso,

It was actually the guys brother, not mine.  ;)

My brother is a big 'ol softy that wound NEVER think of doing something like that.
Title: Re: I think I ran over your cat. Sorry.
Post by: Calypso on August 18, 2010, 01:01:22 AM
Oh, good! Really glad to be wrong on that one!  8)